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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Peter and I have been doing some talking and... Peter: We talked to Clint about becoming your foster parents. Olivia: You're actually not half bad. It would have been fun jumping against you on the circuit. What do you mean "would have been"? Everybody knows that foster kids don't hang around for long. I'm not going anywhere! Lou: And now that you are finally engaged you're eloping?! No! No, flipping way! I deserve a wedding! We're not eloping. You're not? I was invited to lead a horse clinic in Vegas and Ty and I thought we could make a road trip out of it. Lou: Hey, where's grandpa? [Truck rumbles, fireworks burst] Tim: I need-I need some help. I need an ambulance! Heartland ranch. [Fireworks burst] [Jet engine roars] [Thunder booms, horse whinnies shrilly] [Horse whinnies shrilly, hooves bang] [Horse whinnies shrilly, thunder booms] [Horse snorts and screams in panic] Amy: Poor paint. He won't even hang out with the other horses anymore. It's not good for him. Ty: He'll be fine. How are you doing? Amy: I'm okay. Dad's driving everyone crazy. It's his way or the highway. It's just not the same. Lou: I want to know when you made that decision and why you didn't tell me! Tim: Lou, I can't keep you in the loop on everything. It's easier if I just do it myself, get it done. Lou: [Exasperated sigh] Yeah, it's easier all right because you knew I wouldn't agree with you! Hey, kid, I thought I asked you to clean up the tack area. So get on it, it's not gonna clean up itself. [Katie starts crying] Lou: Honey, could you look in on her first? You can do the tack after, okay? Tim: Lou. [Katie cries] I'm worried about her. I'm not, she's fine. She just needs direction. Dad, listen, I know things are different around here and someone needs to take control, but I have to say, you know, grandpa would want me to. You got a lot on your plate. No, I don't. I'm fine. [Coffee machine gurgles loudly] I'm much better than I was. [Sighs] Dad... Sweetheart, I'll take care of the day-to-day workings of the ranch, because this was thrown on my shoulders. God knows I didn't ask for it. Lou: Okay, so tell me this: Where do you think you're gonna put them? Tim: Right there, as soon I get rid of those old wrecks. Grandpa's trucks?! No, dad, no way! I need room for the new pen, Lou, a lot more than I need those old eyesores. They should've been towed away a long time ago. They're not going anywhere. You gotta get rid of the old to make room for the new. That's the only way to deal. No, dad, that's the only way you deal! [Cell phone rings] Ty: Hey, Scott. The airport? Amy too? Okay, we'll be right there. Okay, bye. [Beeps off cell] Let's go. [Airplanes whir] [Horse snorts nervously, hooves clatter] Adrian: Take it easy, take it easy! Hey! Hey! [Horse whinnies shrilly] Come on. Whoa! Easy. Ty: Scott? Scott: Glad to see you guys. [Horse whinnies shrilly] This one's a handful. Amy: It's okay. Whoa, whoa, boy. Ty: Is he injured? [Horse whinnies shrilly] Scott: I don't think so. Amy: Easy... Scott: But we need to get him to the clinic. Amy: Good boy. What's his name? His name's Emir. Hi, Emir. No one's gonna hurt you. You're okay. Wow. Nice work. That's a good boy. Good boy. Adrian gilson. Thanks for coming on such short notice. The team vet was supposed to be here, but his flight was delayed. No worries. Glad we can help. It's a beautiful horse you have. [Chuckles] It's not my horse. I'm just the groom. That's his owner over there. [Emir snorts] Amy: He doesn't seem too concerned, does he? [Cell phone rings] Adrian: Excuse me. Yes? Ah, yes. Well, I just thought that uh... Absolutely, I understand. I do. Okay, good. Right. No, I'm fine. The owner doesn't want Emir taken to your clinic. He wants him taken right to Hillhirst. Can you trailer him? Amy: No, that's ridiculous! He needs to go to Scott's clinic. His injuries might not be apparent, but... Just tell him that! His royal highness, the prince, isn't told anything. A prince? ♪ And at the break of day ♪ you sank into your dream ♪ you dreamer ♪ oh, oh, oh... ♪ You dreamer ♪ you dreamer [truck and trailer rumble] Amy: Good boy. He really is incredible. Scott: What brings you to Hudson? Adrian: The team's trying to make the next Olympics, so we need north American exposure. The world cup qualifiers, next week, will help, if we do well. Hopefully. We could use a break. Who are these people? Scott: [Clears his throat] I'm Scott Cardinal- Adrian: Uh, Scott's a vet here in Hudson, and this is his assistant, Ty Borden, and Amy Fleming, and if I may please introduce His Royal Highness Prince Ahmed Al Saeed. I don't want strangers anywhere near my horse. See that they leave. Ty: You're welcome. Lou: A prince? Like actual royalty, in Hudson? Ty he's part of his national equestrian team. They've taken over most of the Hillhirst operation. Amy: Yeah, but you wouldn't believe this guy. Prince or not, he barely looked at his horse, and he wouldn't let Scott take him to his clinic to see if he was seriously hurt or not. Tim: Oh, come on. Sounds like this horse is a hugely successful jumper. He's probably worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Ty: I get why the guy wants his own vets to look at him. Amy: Yeah, but he could care less about that horse. Lou: Well, he's a prince. He probably has a dozen more emirs just waiting in the wings. I think if Scott plays his cards right, get on the good side of this guy, huh? [Clucks his tongue] Um, I'm not hungry. Can I be excused? Yeah, honey, sure. Tim: Speaking of playing your cards right, I noticed you didn't have many clients on your board. Amy: Dad. Tim: No, I'm just saying you've got umpteen rescue horses out there, they're eating us out of house and home, no income coming in? Dad. Amy, listen. You know, I've been very patient with what you're going through, but an income stops, it's got consequences. So I put an ad up in Maggie's. Amy: For what? Tim: To sell those rescue horses. Amy: Dad, that's my decision! No, honey, when it starts costing us money, it's my decision. [Cell phone chimes] It's Adrian. The groom? Yeah. He wants me to come meet him at Hillhirst tomorrow. Tim: There's an opportunity. A prince as a client. Just sayin'. [Knocking on door] Lou: [Whispers] Hey. You okay? I can sit with you for a while if you want me to. I know you're still getting used to sleeping in here. It's just not the same. Well, it'll take a while to feel like this is your room. It's not the room, it's everything. Yeah. When's Peter coming home? A couple of days, I hope. Why? Just curious. Okay. Good night. [Soft kiss] You sure you're okay? Yeah. Good night. Um, listen, I know you don't think so now, but everything's gonna be fine, okay? [Paper rustles] [Sighs] [Horse snorts] Georgie: They're amazing! I've never seen horses like those. Amy: Yeah, they are pretty special. Adrian: Amy, hi! Amy: Hey. Adrian: Thanks for comin'. So I probably shouldn't have called, but, uh, well, I did see this on the community board. I looked at your site. You have quite the reputation. Thank you. Adrian: So here's the thing, I'm not really making any progress with Emir. In fact, I think he's gettin' worse. Would you take a look at him, perhaps calm him down like you did yesterday? Well... Does your boss know that you asked me to work with him? I mean, he seemed pretty particular about who's around his horse. Oh, he's at a lunch meeting, won't be back for a couple hours. Okay, I guess. Great. Thanks. Oh, uh, I don't think it's gonna be safe for her. Amy: Do you mind? Georgie: Yeah, I can stay here. Amy: Okay. Adrian: Good. [Emir snorts and whinnies, banging against the stall] [Whinnies angrily] Adrian: So the prince has threatened to sell him if there's no improvement. I've tried everything I know. I've never seen him like this. [Loud bang, whinnies angrily] Amy: I think maybe he's equating this stall to the one on the plane. You know, he's expecting to be hurt or something. Do you mind if I walk him around and try and calm him down? Well, I've tried that, but sure, have a go. Olivia: What are you doing here? I'm here with Amy. She's helping a horse. Really. He actually belongs to a prince. What are you doing here? I'm just shopping for a new horse. My father knows one of the owners. So this dance at school, you going? Oh, wait, it's a father/daughter dance, isn't it? I guess that could be a problem, seeing as you don't have a father. I do so have a father. His name is Peter. Ah, you call him by his first name, like that's a real father, for sure. Georgie: He is so real! Amy: What's she talking about, Georgie? Real father? What does she mean? Come on, you can tell me. There's a dance at school. So what's the problem? It's a father/daughter dance. [Sports car revs] Adrian: [Sighs] Is that the prince? Yeah. Ahmed: What is she doing here again? [Horse whinnies sharply] Adrian: I called her. You called her? Amy: Adrian was worried about Emir. He's still traumatized by the flight. I thought maybe I could help. I have a retinue of people to do that - experts. It's not always easy to know why an animal does what it does. [Snorts] Oh, so now we know more than the professionals, is that right? I know what I'm doing. Yes, of course you do. My vet has looked at the animal. It's clear that it's damaged goods. I have three other horses being shipped in from Belgium. I'll choose from them. Now please leave or I'll call security! Amy: [Sighs] He's a tough guy. How long has he been riding Emir? A little over a year. Amy: He must feel something for the horse. That would take an emotion. As far as I can see, he has none. Georgie: He's horrible. Prince not-so-charming. Amy: I just don't understand why he would bring in three other ridiculously expensive horses. Lou: Because it's a mindset. You know, he can afford to be choosy and a lot's at stake in that world. You know, Amy, if anyone can get through to this guy you can. Amy: Are you kidding me? Georgie: No way! He's a sexist pig. Georgie, where did you ever-? Amy: Well, she's actually right. That's why he's treating me like this, 'cause I'm a girl! You know, you saw it, right, Ty? Lou: Oh, hey, it's Peter. He's gonna get home for a few days. Amy: Is he coming home for that father/daughter dance thing? Georgie was telling me about it. Um, that's the first I've heard about it. [Sighs] You forgot your sandwich. Hey. [Katie giggles] So what's this I hear about a father/daughter dance? Georgie: Oh. Lou: I had to hear about it from Amy. Georgie: It's nothing. I'm not going. Why? Georgie: I'm just not going, that's all. You know you can talk to me about it, if you want. Georgie: Well, I don't want to. Okay. And you're gonna be home in plenty of time for this, right? Okay, because I'm pretty certain she's only pretending she doesn't want to go. I'm worried, Peter. I mean, she's had a lot to deal with lately. We all have. Yeah. I love you, too. Okay, bye. [Phone beeps off] [Ominous music] [Door clicks open] [Heavy footsteps] [Door creaks open] Tim: [Shouts] agh! Get off me! [Overlapping angry male voices] What are you doin'?! Back off! Lou: Dad, what is going on?! It's okay. Lou: What? Grandpa?! Amy: You're back! You scared the hell out of me. Jack: I scared you?! How about the other way around? What are you...? Georgie: Jack! Jack: Hey! [Chuckles] How are you? Georgie: Good. How are you? Jack: Good. Now here I am, I'm trying to be as quiet as I can, and the last thing I expected was to crawl into bed with you! What are you doin' in my room? Tim: I was sleeping. Why are you sleeping in my room? Lou: He's been staying here a few nights a week, grandpa. Tim: Thank you. Why are you staying here? Jack: Because while you've been sunning yourself down in Arizona, I've been busy running the operations around here. Now I told you that Lou and Amy would handle things. Tim: Yeah, well, that didn't happen, Jack! Okay, so... No, never mind. You know, that's the thanks I get. [Groans] Tim: Good to have you back. Good to- Amy: Dad. I was gonna move his stuff out, but we weren't expecting you for days. Well, I shouldn't have gone to Arizona in the first place. Well, it wasn't your choice. You know, after your... Heart attack. I had a heart attack, Lou, you can say it. Lou: Yes, well, the trip was doctor's orders and I'm glad you went. I mean, look at you. You're all healthy and rested and zen. Jack: Zen? I'm not that. Amy: So, grandpa, how was Arizona? Ah, it was fine, but a month was way too long. Now what the heck is this? Lou: Oh, it's nothing. Georgie: Tim bought it. I told him you'd hate it, but he wouldn't take it back. Where's my old coffee maker? Lou: Grandpa, how about you go unpack and I will make you a cup of herbal tea. I don't want a cup of herbal tea. I want a cup of coffee made on my own coffee maker! [Quietly] Okay, he is clearly not zen. He is easily upset, and that is the last thing that we want! We have to make him think that everything went smoothly while he was gone. Lou, it didn't. Dos to lie? Yes, I want you to lie, for grandpa's sake, okay? He hates change. You know that! You know you have to rethink this, 'cause it will put him right back to square one! Tim: Well, if he hadn't have come home early, they'd already be here by now and he wouldn't have noticed any change at all. Lou: Yes, he is home early and he will notice, so just call and cancel, okay? [Truck rumbles] Tim: [Grunts] [Sheep bleat loudly] Jack: Sheep?! Who gave you permission to bring in a herd of sheep?! Tim: Uh, technically speaking, it's a flock, flock of sheep. Do I care? I'm a cattle man. There's never been sheep on this ranch and there never will be! Okay, grandpa. Well, there's big money in sheep, Jack. I'm telling you, organic lamb, it's all the rage. Bigger than bison. Besides, I did it for you. Face it, your days of riding the range are over. What does that mean, "over"? That's not true, grandpa. That's not what dad means. And the beauty of sheep is they can be controlled by a dog, and they threw the dog in with the package. Jack: Get rid of 'em. Put your flock of sheep right back onto that trailer. Tim: Not gonna happen. Bought 'em with my own funds. They're stayin'. Jack: Over my dead body! Almost was! What? Too soon? Ty: I think we need to make a toast. Amy: [Chuckles] Ty: To Jack! Welcome home. Amy: Grandpa, welcome home. [Glasses clink] Lou: It's good to have you back. Mmm... And just so you know, despite today's little hiccup, everything has been running like clockwork since you've been away. Right, guys? Tim: It has. Lou: Yeah. Jack: Well, I have to admit I was a little worried about how things would go without me. I'm glad it all worked out. Lou: Mmm-hmm. Jack: But I'm home now, so let's just get back to normal. Great. Can't wait to get back to normal. This place was a- Tim: You know, we made a lot of progress, I think, while you were gone. Sometimes seeing things through fresh eyes is the ticket, huh? And as for the future, Jack, you don't have a thing to worry about. I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm not selling big river. But even with you back, I'll continue to run the day-to-day. Did everyone have enough to eat? Anyone want dessert? Lou: Yeah? Ty: Yeah. We got this, grandpa, you don't move a muscle, okay? Where are you going? Oh, I just need a little air. Lou: Okay, well, put on your jacket. Don't catch a chill. So how you been? You're lookin' good. Amy: Hey, grandpa? [Chuckles] Lou... she worries. Jack: [Chuckling] Yeah. You know, I missed you so much. I'm so glad you're back. So how's work goin', Amy? You keepin' busy? It's okay. Yeah? It's a little slow. Jack: Yeah, well, by the looks of that board it's been more than slow and I feel kinda responsible for that. I know my health situation took everybody out of their normal routine. A week in the hospital, two months of being waited on at home, yeah, that's a long time. Grandpa, nobody minded waiting on you. You've looked after us all our lives. Well, that's fine. I was hoping you'd have gotten back into it while I was in Arizona. Did you happen to talk to those folks in Vegas about rescheduling that clinic you missed? No. I needed to be here. Don't worry about me, okay? Everything'll be fine. I'm just glad you're better. I love you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Horse snorts on video] Georgie: I did a search on you! No wonder that guy wanted you to work with Emir. You used to be the "miracle girl". I've never heard anyone call you that! [Horse snorts on video] Amy: I used to be the "miracle girl?" that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? Miracle girl, eh? I remember that. Ty, come on, I'm being serious here! Okay, okay! All I'm saying is don't beat yourself up, okay? You're not into it right now. You can't force it. I just... I feel like a... Ty: What? So what if this Ahmed guy's a prince?! The bottom line is his horse needs help, and I let him totally intimidate me! I should've just stood my ground and- hey, come here. I just-come here. Listen. You still can. It's like you said, he's just a prince. Adrian: That's it... Bring him around. Good. [Railings clatter loudly] Jamie: Whoa! Easy, easy! Come on! Come on! Go! [Whip slaps] Amy: Stop it! Stop! Jamie: Come on. Amy: That won't work! Adrian: Back off, Jamie. Back off. Amy: It's okay. I know, I know. Good boy. Ahmed: Do you all want to get fired?! Is that it?! [Emir whinnies, Ahmed gasps] [Emir whinnies shrilly] Adrian: Sir! Captain, sir! [Horse whinnies shrilly] Oh, oh, careful! [Horse whinnies shrilly, hoof kicks violently] Agh! Agh! Pack that animal up and get him out of my sight! [Horse whinnies] Amy: You okay? Adrian: [Grimaces in pain] [Sheep bleat loudly] Lou: You see, grandpa, they're not so bad, right? Not so bad if they're off my property. There's no place for 'em here. Okay, hear me out. I got a perfect place for a pen. Lou: No, dad, we can talk about that later. We don't need a new pen if there's nothin' to go in it. You get 'em outta here pronto! Lou: Okay, two things: One, make these sheep disappear, and two, you are not getting rid of grandpa's trucks! Tim: I already made the deal with stumpy to tow them away. Why should I? Because grandpa will lose it and I will lose it! Please, dad, cancel. Okay. I mean it. Tim: Okay! Scott: So thanks for the call and don't worry about a thing. I know the guys at the airport, the paperwork will go smoothly. Adrian: Thanks, I appreciate it. Take care of yourself, all right? Ah, it's not the first time I've been kicked by a horse, or the last. Scott: Hey, good to see you again. Just so you know, your horses from Belgium? Ty and I will be at the airport personally to make sure that the de-planing goes well, and we're honoured that you would have us involved. You were never involved. I have my own people to oversee it. I hardly need a small-town cow doctor. Whoa, whoa. We were actually asked to help out. Ahmed: Really. Scott: Yeah. Ahmed: Your arm, it's broken. So you not only went behind my back with this arrangement, you are now completely incapable of managing the horses in that condition. How are you of any use to me? You're fired. I should have done it a long time ago. And what is with you people that you're constantly poking your noses where they don't belong? You are not welcome here! And that annoying country bumpkin cowgirl who keeps showing up, I don't want to see her back here either! Ty: Hey, hold on a second! You got a problem, man?! Are you afraid to talk to Amy? You have no idea what she is capable of! You could have your world class horse back and you're throwing it away. World class? Emir is far from being world class. Never was and never will be! In fact, that horse has let me and my team down consistently. Sorry, Adrian. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help. Take Emir back to Heartland. I want Amy to work with him. What about the...? I'll take responsibility. I'll take full responsibility. Georgie: Hey, Katie, do you want some? You want some pasta? Jack: [Chuckles] Now this... This is what I missed the most! Hello. Georgie: You were missing something else too? Jack: Look at that! You found it! Lou: Hey, so I just talked to Peter and he's headed home, and he has no plans this weekend. So if you wanted to ask him that question - you know, that thing that we talked about? What's goin' on there? Lou: Uh, it's nothing. It'll all work itself out. Here you go. You know, you finish your lunch with grandpa, okay? Nothing to worry about. Jack: Lou, I don't mind worrying about somethin'. It's not gonna kill me, is it? See now, there's a noodle for you. Ah, too late, noodle for me. Amy: Hey! What's he doin' here? How did you convince his highness to let me work with him. Ty: We didn't. [Truck rumbles] [Dramatic music] Amy: [Relieved sigh] Hey, Peter! Lou and Peter: Hey. Lou: I'm so glad you're home! [Emir snorts] Amy: Wow. It's just beautiful how he moves. He's amazing to watch. Adrian: He is a champion. I trained Emir from the beginning. He won competition after competition. Ty: Well, Ahmed said he wasn't performing too well. Adrian: Emir was a star when he belonged to Ahmed's father. So he wasn't always his horse? Adrian: No, not at all. About a year ago, just before his death, the king gave Emir to his son as a gift. Just like that his winning streak was over. [Sports car revs] I will have you arrested for horse theft - all of you! Have you completely lost your mind, Adrian?! Adrian: I was doin' what your father would've wanted me to do. Adrian: Uh, no! Ahmed: Give her to me! Ty: Hey. Amy: Hey! Hey! [Horse whinnies anxiously] Amy: It's okay, it's okay! Whoa. Easy. It's okay. Why are you so afraid of him? Ahmed: I'm not afraid of anything. If you think I am afraid of an animal, you're wrong! Amy: Okay, then work with him. Why? I don't have to prove anything to you. Amy: No, you don't, but why don't you prove it to yourself? Ahmed: Come on! Come on! [Emir snorts] I've had enough! I won't do a stable hand's job! Amy: Listen, you can't give up! There's a reason Emir acts that way with you. Ahmed: Really? And you have the answer, do you? Amy: Yeah. Oh! Then, please, enlighten me. The reason he acts this way with you is because the only attachment he has is negative! A negative attachment. I love it. He associates you with that horrible flight. It terrified him! And you're just a silly country girl spouting new age garbage! I am a professional. Why do you think Adrian called me in the first place? Because Adrian is a fool. And you are a spoiled, condescending, sexist idiot! How dare you?! You don't know anything about me! I know you have no personal connection with that horse! Personal connection? Brushing him, grooming him, being with him?! I have staff to do that. And so did your father, but I can bet he did it himself anyway. Emir was his horse. They won championships together, so they must have had a strong bond. He misses him. He doesn't have that connection with anyone anymore, certainly not with you. I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have said that. I'm probably totally wrong. Ahmed: You're not wrong. How do you think it feels, losing again and again on a horse that my father made a champion of? My father was the founder of the equestrian team. Everyone loved him, and I'm letting his memory down in front of my teammates. They know it's not the horse. Well, then you need Emir to trust you, like he trusted your father. I am not my father. I can't come close to being my father. And I'm not asking you to, but you can still reach Emir. I can't imagine competing at such a high level without a partnership. You need to make a personal connection with him and I want to help you. Will you let me? ♪ [Dramatic] Peter: [Sighs loudly] Good to be home. Glad you are. Well, thank you. Good. Hey, there's this rumour going around about some dance or something. Do you know anything about that? I'm guessing from that reaction that you don't want to go. Is that right? [Chuckles] Obviously. How come? I don't know. It might be fun. It might not be too. Well, that's true, it might not be. [Chuckles] Come on, Georgie, why not? [Sighs heavily] Well, it's just... It's just... I've never been to a dance before and I don't want to make a fool out of myself in front of everybody, especially Olivia. Okay, but... I mean, if you don't go isn't that kind of like letting Olivia win? She probably doesn't want you to come anyway, right? I'm sure she would just love to be there all by herself holding court all her own. [Chuckles] Well, think about it, because if you do need someone to go with I have a brand new suit that's just dying to be shown off, okay? [Hooves thunder] [Emir snorts angrily] This is ridiculous! Just keep trying. Ahmed: Look at him, he hates me! O-okay... Why don't you take the lunge line off him? Send him around again. [Emir whinnies loudly] It's no use! Amy: Just talk to him, be steady. He needs to see you as his safe place. Okay, now keep him moving. [Emir whinnies shrilly] I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm not my father. Try changing direction. Ahmed: Heyah! Amy: Okay, now steady, turn in. Ahmed: [Pants] That's good. Change direction again. That's good. Now talk to him quietly. Good boy. Amy: Okay, now stop and turn away from him. Now walk away. [Emir snorts] [Sighs] [Emir huffs quietly] [Gasps] I miss him too, you know. [Crying] Jack: Boy, that tack looks pretty nice and clean. Georgie: I did that. Jack: Did you now? Well, good work. Georgie: What are you doing? You can't ride! You might... Jack: I might what? I'm not a delicate flower, Georgie. Sittin' in a saddle is not a problem. Don't get all worried on me now. But I am worried! Everyone is and they're all acting like big fakes! Like it was all fine when you were gone, but it wasn't! It was weird and horrible because Tim was here and you weren't, and I was scared, Jack. I'm still scared. Ah, don't be scared. I'm not goin' anywhere soon. Sorry. I'm probably gonna get you sick again. Lou says I shouldn't stress you out. Oh, you're not stressin' me out. I'd rather everyone be straight with me anyway. You know, it wasn't all that bad. In fact, the whole experience opened my eyes to a couple of things. You never want to pass up an opportunity to be close to your family, and never give up without a fight. So I'm glad to hear you're back workin' again with that prince. Amy: Yeah, I guess. [Chuckles] Jack: Oh, that's good, Amy. Tim: Yeah, I told her that. Yup, it's a great opportunity. Okay, I have an announcement to make. I've made a decision about the dance. I'd like to go if you would go with me. Well, thank you very much. I would love to. Honey, that's great! What made you change your mind? Just leave it alone, honey. Okay. Jack: So, coffee anyone? Tim: Yeah. Lou: Okay, want some? Tim: Sure. [Exhales forcefully] Georgie: Well, Peter, you get to use your new suit. Tim? Tim: Yeah? Jack: Can I have a word with you? Tim: Uh... How dare you take over this ranch while I was gone? Oh, come on! How dare you buy a herd of sheep?! Flock. Now I know- shut up, I'm talkin' here! I know everybody else, they saying it all went smooth, but apparently, you rode roughshod over this family the entire time! Where do you get off with that?! And to top everything, you threw out my coffee maker! Oh, is that what this is about? Your coffee maker?! Don't you dare turn this back around onto me! I'm runnin' the ranch while you're down for the count sunnin' yourself in Arizona! Arizona was not my idea! And you're worried about some 400-year-old coffee maker?! Oh, thanks for the appreciation! It's not just about a coffee maker, Tim, it's about the way you treat me! I am not redundant. I am not sick. Don't you dare put me out to pasture. You don't need to "be here" for me, because I'm here! I'm the reason you are here! I'm the one that found ya face down in the snow! Jack: Oh, here we go again. Tim: If it wasn't for me-I saved your life! Oh, so you called 911. Big deal! Anybody that came along woulda done the same- but they didn't! They didn't! It was me! I'm the one. I saved your life! I saved your life! All right, fine! But you, you're the one who almost killed me in the first place! You're right, I guess I kinda did. [Chuckling] Good to have you back, buddy. [Whispers] We're going to do this. Okay, boy. [Dramatic music] [Hooves thunder] [Dramatic music] [Hooves thunder] [Hooves thud lightly] Ty and Amy: [Clapping] Teammates: [Chuckle appreciatively] Will you consider returning to your job? [Chuckles happily] [Sighs] Good boy. [Birds chirp] [Truck rumbles] Amy: Hey! Hello. I, uh, I should have called, but- Amy: No, that's fine. I just wanted to thank you for all you did, and I wanted to let you know, at Adrian's urging, I watched the "miracle girl" video. Quite astonishing. Thank you. So... I thought this was appropriate. [Trunk door hums open] Amy: Oh! [Stunned laugh] It's beautiful! I, I... I can't accept that! Ahmed: Yes, you can. It's very bad form to turn down a gift from a prince. Amy: [Laughs] Thank you. I... do I curtsy or can I give you a hug? I will allow the hug. Amy: Thank you. Thank you so much! [Laughs] I hope to see you at the show. We'll be there. Thank you. [Engine turns over] Ty: Welcome back, miracle girl. Amy: Thanks. [Chuckles] Lou: What?! No! Dad, you promised me! [Truck door bangs shut] Oh my God! [Phone beeps off] [Sheep bleat loudly] [Running footsteps] Grandpa, you are back! You know, you were gone a long time! Jack: I'm fine, Lou, please stop worrying. Lou: No, no, no, don't worry. Let me take these bags. Did you go to the bakery? No, you didn't. They have these new apple fritters that are to die for. I'm gonna pick you up some, okay? You're gonna love them. [Door bangs shut] [Sheep bleat loudly] [Door creaks open] [Sheep bleat loudly] Lou! Where are my trucks?! ♪ I love you when you laugh ♪ when you dream, when you... ♪ Jennifer: Your dress is super, Georgie. I love it! Thank you, yours too. Thank you. This is my, um, father, Peter. Nice to meet you. [Emotional inhale] You too. Have fun. ♪ Love you 'cause you're you ♪ Georgie: You were right about Olivia. She is so mad I came. [Giggles] Well... What do you say? May I have this dance, mademoiselle? Shall we go for it? Well, I've never danced before, and I don't know what to do. So there's no way I'm going up there. You're the "no fear" kid, though, right? Come on. [Whispers] Listen, don't worry. I got this covered. Georgie: [Sighs] Peter: Come on. ♪ They don't know you like I do ♪ ♪ Just remember that I love you ♪ ♪ But don't ever change a single thing you do ♪ Georgie: Oh, that was me. Oops! Sorry. ♪ Love you 'cause you're you Georgie: [Giggles] Peter: See, there we go. ♪ Always be you Georgie: There we go!
Plan: A: Jack; Q: Who returns from his trip to Arizona to find that Tim has made drastic changes to Heartland? A: Heartland; Q: What does Tim bring sheep to? A: Amy; Q: Who works with Emir? A: Emir; Q: What horse is frightened during a flight? A: a rough flight; Q: What caused Emir to be afraid? A: Emir's owner; Q: Who is Prince Ahmed? A: Georgie; Q: Who struggles to ask Peter to a father-daughter dance? A: her school; Q: Where is Georgie's father-daughter dance? Summary: Jack returns from his trip to Arizona to find that Tim has made drastic changes to Heartland. Amy works with Emir, a horse frightened during a rough flight. Emir's owner turns out to be Prince Ahmed who isn't very grateful. Georgie struggles to ask Peter if he will take her to a father-daughter dance at her school. Tim brings sheep to Heartland.
[Outside School] (Brooke and the girls are practicing their cheer) BROOKE: Ready? GIRLS: You can't shoot. You can't score. You will beat us nevermore. Go Ravens Go... (Haley and Lucas are walking near them) HALEY: Well I guess you should feel pretty lucky you get to hang out with me like this. Do you have any other wishes I can grant? LUCAS: Yeah. HALEY: What? LUCAS: Why don't you come to the tournament this weekend. HALEY: Ugh. Alright. Yeah. You're on. LUCAS: Alright? HALEY: Yeah. LUCAS: Alright. Thank you, genie. (Nathan comes up behind her and Lucas leaves) Catch you later. NATHAN: How's it going? HALEY: Well, in a startling new development, it looks like I'm going to be joining you at the classic. NATHAN: You and me in the same hotel? This weekend just got interesting. HALEY: Down boy. Plus it's probably better if I don't leave you with all those cheerleaders anyway. So how'd it go? NATHAN: I got the apartment. HALEY: Ah, that's great. NATHAN: I drained my savings, paid first and last month's rent. It's mine on Sunday. HALEY: So cool! (They laugh and walk off) [Cheer Practice] (Brooke is looking at each girl in the line) BROOKE: Okay. Theresa, terrible posture. Pinch that penny. Bevin, you need...a breath mint. Peyton. Nice form. And excellent betrayal of a best friend. (She keeps walking past each girl) Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. You guys! This weekend is the Classic. It's our biggest cheer competition. Aren't you sick of Clair Young and Bear Creek Warriors taking home the trophy every year? Because I am. We need to get it together here and I'm not just talking about our routine. I'm talking hair, nails...underarms, Theresa. BEVIN: Brooke, cheerleading is supposed to be fun. BROOKE: Yeah? Well winning's funner. And if you don't like it you can go cheer for the wrestling team. Take five. PEYTON: Okay, you know what? You hate me, I get it. Fine. Just don't take it out on our squad. BROOKE: Everything is not about you, Peyton. Did you ever think that maybe I'm being a psycho-hose-beast because I want us to do well this weekend? Those judges are not going to be as forgiving as I am. PEYTON: Funny, I didn't know you were forgiving at all. (She walks away and Mouth walks past Brooke) BROOKE: Hey, Lips! Come here. MOUTH: It's Mouth. BROOKE: I know. You're going to be at the Classic this weekend, right? MOUTH: Ravenshoops.com, never miss a game. BROOKE: How'd you like to be my scout? Scope out the competition for me and I'll pay you 20 bucks. MOUTH: Spy on cheerleaders? BROOKE: Mm Hm. MOUTH: I'll do it for free. BROOKE: Really? Excellent. (Mouth leaves) Break's over, girls. GIRL: You said five minutes. BROOKE: Yeah well cry me a river. Let's go. [Whitey's Office] (Lucas walks by his door) WHITEY: Lucas! Come in here. LUCAS: What's up, Coach? WHITEY: How's that shoulder? LUCAS: Therapy's going kind of slow. WHITEY: Well that's too bad. We could use you this weekend. LUCAS: Ah come on, man. The Greyhounds suck on D. We'll get your 500th win easy, Coach. Just wish I could do my part. WHITEY: Well, maybe you can. One of your teammates needs a little extra coaching. LUCAS: Okay. Sure, I'll help whoever. (Nathan comes in behind him) NATHAN: You wanted to see me? WHITEY: I did. With Lucas on the injured list, you're going to see a lot more double teams. Now Lucas is damn good at creating space for open shots. I want you two to work together. NATHAN: There's nothing he can teach me about my game or anything else. WHITEY: He can teach you to listen when I tell you to do something. I'd start now if I were you. (The boys walk out) [Karen's Café] (Deb is wiping down the counters) KAREN: You know if those countertops get any cleaner we're not going to need plates. DEB: Sorry. But how terrible of a mother am I that my own son wants to divorce me. KAREN: Deb, you're not mommy dearest. Nathan's hurt but he'll forgive you. It's just going to take some time. (Keith comes in) DEB: Keith. KEITH: Hey. Karen. I just wanted to get a cup of coffee to go. (He puts a dollar on the table and Karen looks at it) DEB: Oh sure. We haven't seen you in a while. KEITH: Yeah, I've been pretty busy at work. KAREN: Well that's good. KEITH: Yep. Okay thanks. See you, Deb. Karen. KAREN: Keith. Why don't you come by some night for dinner. Like we used to. KEITH: How about tomorrow night? KAREN: Okay. KEITH: Okay. (He leaves. Deb looks at Karen) KAREN: Baby steps. (A woman walks in) WOMAN: Karen. Deb. So glad I found two booster moms in one place. Look, Judy Johnson backed out of the classic at the last minute and I need a fill in chaperone. EB: Oh, I have a meeting with my attorney. I can't cancel. WOMAN: I heard about you and Dan. How awful. So...Karen? How was Italy? You know we really missed you at the silent auction. And the pancake breakfast, and the bake sale, and - KAREN: Okay, when does the bus leave? [Scott Body Shop] KEITH: Hey, Matt. What are you doing? MATT: Making room for the new equipment. DAN: Hey, don't let this guy get away with half days cause he's related to the boss. (he is carrying a life size cardboard cut out of himself) KEITH: Oh my God, I thought one of you was bad enough. DAN: That jumpsuit looks good on you, Keith. How's your day going? KEITH: Well let's see. You changed my sign, you make me wear this monkey suit, and you're replacing all my equipment. What's next? You going to start fixing bicycles too? DAN: If it would turn a profit. Remember, Dan Scott is a name people trust. KEITH: Yeah, maybe people don't know him. DAN: Listen, this equipment in this place is obsolete anyway, I feel like I'm stuck in 1982 in here. KEITH: The machines work fine. DAN: Not as good as the new ones. Now I told you I was going to help you with your shop. This is part of the agreement. You got to start thinking like a business man, bro. KEITH: I think you do enough of that for the both of us. Bro. [River Court] (Nathan shoots and misses and Lucas gets the rebound) NATHAN: If Whitey wants you to feel like you're part of the team, fine, I just, I don't understand why I have to baby-sit you. LUCAS: He just wants to make sure you're going to be able to get open. NATHAN: I don't have a problem with getting open. LUCAS: Well you will with me out of the line up. Okay? The Fade-away is a great shot for creating space. You want to work on it or what? NATHAN: I don't need to work on it. LUCAS: Okay, show me. Come on. (He blocks Nathan as he shoots and misses again) Try it again. NATHAN: I'll tell you what. I'll hit your fade-away, when you can do this. (He dunks the ball right handed) Thought so. LUCAS: Nathan, the point is you're not going to be able to do that. NATHAN: Excuse me? LUCAS: You're not going to be able to get to the rack like that. You'll be double teamed. NATHAN: You know what? I don't need your coaching. (He starts to leave) Just watch me get to the rack this weekend. [Outside School] (The bus is there and Lucas and his mom are at the car getting their bags) KAREN: Well I just don't want you to think I'm trailing you like some paranoid mother. LUCAS: But you are. KAREN: Ohh. LUCAS: It's cool. (Brooke walks past them) KAREN: Silent treatment. LUCAS: Like a mime. (Peyton and her dad are getting out of their car) PEYTON: Okay with the way you drive this thing we could have gotten there in 45 minutes and not had to deal with this whole bus mess. LARRY: Yeah but I've got to embarrass you as much as possible in front of your friends. Make up for lost time. Which one are you dating again? PEYTON: Try no one. (Peyton keeps walking and Larry stops to talk to Whitey) WHITEY: Larry Sawyer meet Karen Roe. KAREN: Hi. WHITEY: You two are my chaperones. A lot of these kids think that the Classics is an excuse to party all weekend. It's your job to see that that doesn't happen. (He walks off) KAREN: Oh we don't have a prayer. I used to be one of these kids. LARRY: You? I've got a beer bong in my over night bag. [At the bus] (Whitey throws a pom-pom down and is yelling at Brooke) WHITEY: I don't care how important this tournament is, people trump pom-poms. We can't fit all that crap on the bus. BROOKE: Fine! You be responsible for ten very pissed off cheerleaders. NATHAN: Coach, if we're short on room I can drive. WHITEY: No, no, no, forget it. NATHAN: Why not? I can fit all that crap in my trunk. WHITEY: Alright. But you stay right behind the bus. BROOKE: Thanks. NATHAN: Sweet. Come on, Hales. HALEY: Oh, uh, Lucas is saving me a seat. NATHAN: What are you in third grade? Come on, we'll ride in style. (He walks away and Haley stops by Lucas' window) HALEY: Hey, um, I'm going to ride with Nathan. Is that cool? LUCAS: Yeah, no problem. (He looks a little upset as she walks away) [Hotel] (Everyone is in the hall getting their rooms) WHITEY: Listen up. We've got a team meeting in the conference room right after dinner. Lights out at nine o'clock. (He hands Lucas a paper) Consider your room assignments final. (Lucas and Nathan are left looking into the same room) LUCAS: You've got to be kidding me. WHITEY: (Laughs) Alphabetical order. Scott. Scott. Unalterable. NATHAN: You should have changed your name. [Hotel Room] (Lucas is sitting on the bed exercising his shoulder and listening to music. Nathan turns on the TV and shuts off the music) LUCAS: I was listening to that. NATHAN: Not anymore. Watching TV. (Lucas stands up and turns off the TV) LUCAS: Not anymore. [Brooke and Peyton's room] PEYTON: So which bed do you want? The window or the door? BROOKE: Whatever. PEYTON: Brooke can we just make the best of this? BROOKE: Fine. But I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the squad. Call it a cheer truce. (Peyton throws her stuff on the bed and opens the connecting door just as Jake opens the other one. They all look at each other) JAKE: Bam Chica Da Na (Peyton laughs) So you ladies order room service? (Brooke rolls her eyes and falls onto the bed. Peyton laughs and pushes them back into Jake's room, closing the door behind her) PEYTON: God. Good to have an escape route incase she tries to smoother me with her pillow. How you doing? JAKE: Jenny withdrawal. PEYTON: Yeah. No but you need a weekend away, just to relax and have a good time. Doesn't happen too often. JAKE: That's true, but, there's been some new developments. EYTON: Oh really? What are they? (Brooke knocks on the door) BROOKE: Peyton, it's an emergency, get in here. PEYTON: Ugh. Sorry. Cheer Nazi calls. See ya. (They slap hands on her way out) JAKE: Right. [Brooke and Peyton's room] (The squad is already there) BROOKE: Guess who's in the lobby, I'll tell you. Claire Young and her little hoe posy. We are going down there. PEYTON: Okay. And if an angry dance-off breaks out I got your back. BROOKE: Great. Just don't stick another knife in it. (She tosses a stick of deodorant at Theresa) Theresa, I want you to hit those pits and cover that zit. Points off for complexion. Let's go. (They walk out and Theresa examines her zit on her head) [Hotel Lobby] (The girls approach Claire and her squad) BROOKE: Hi, Claire. We just wanted to wish you good luck this weekend. CLAIRE: Um, we've won four years in a row. GIRL: Including Claire for best choreography. CLAIRE: Yeah so maybe you should keep your luck for yourself. By the way. Who are you again? BROOKE: You know who I am. Brooke Davis. Captain of the Tree Hill Ravens. We roomed together last summer at spirit camp. CLAIRE: Right, right. Don't the Ravens lose every year? See ya. (They leave) BROOKE: Oh it is so on. [Hotel Hall] (Haley is walking alone and Nathan pulls her into the room and kisses her) HALEY: You scared me. NATHAN: Well we're not allowed to have girls in the room so I had to keep it covert. Hang out for a little bit. HALEY: Oh I can't. I've got to meet Lucas for pizza in the lobby. I think I'm already late. NATHAN: So be later. We've got a whole hotel room to ourselves. (They kiss again but Lucas walks in on them) LUCAS: Sorry, I thought we had plans. HALEY: We do. LUCAS: Naw just do your thing. (he walks out) HALEY: I'm sorry. Lucas. (She walks out after him) Luke. Will you just wait - LUCAS: Haley. It's cool. Okay? Go be with your boyfriend. (He walks off and Haley goes back inside) [Karen's Room] (She is on the phone) KEITH: Hello? KAREN: Hey, Keith, it's me. KEITH: (In his room at home) Oh hey, Karen. KAREN: Look one of the booster moms trapped me into chaperoning the Classics, so now I'm in Charlotte. Um, can I get a rain check on dinner? KEITH: (He is wearing a new shirt with the tags still on it) Oh, sure. We're pretty backed up at the shop so I was going to have to cancel anyway. KAREN: Okay, well, I'll see you when I get back. KEITH: Hope so. KAREN: Bye. KEITH: Bye, bye. (he hangs up and tosses the phone on to the dresser and pulls off the shirt) [Hotel Lobby] (Brooke and Peyton are walking) BROOKE: I cannot believe the nerve of that little third rate Britney trying to pretend like she doesn't recognize me. PEYTON: Are you still obsessing over this? You made out with her boyfriend at camp. BROOKE: I didn't know they were dating, unlike some people. And besides he was a yell leader, he was gay anyway. TIM: Hey, ladies. We're sneaking out after curfew, spread the word okay? (Brooke grabs his ear) BROOKE: Tim, stay away from my squad we need to be fresh for tomorrow. TIM: Okay. (he walks away and Brooke goes up to Theresa who is surrounded by the squad) BROOKE: Theresa I thought I told you to lay off the chocolate. (Theresa's face is covered in "zits") It's a really good thing I have an acne medicine. PEYTON: Brooke this isn't acne. THERESA: It's chicken pox. Karen called my parents. I'm out. Thank God. (She walks away) BROOKE: Okay could this get any worse? PEYTON: Brooke, it's okay. We'll rework the routine. BROOKE: It's perfectly crafted for ten girls. PEYTON: Okay so we'll find a replacement. BROOKE: Great idea, genius. Who are we going to ask? [Hotel Room] HALEY: No way! PEYTON: Haley, come on. Do you remember when I made you those flyers for open mic night? HALEY: That is weak, you're a born artist. I'm a born klutz, okay? I almost drowned in the balls at chucky cheese. PEYTON: Okay but if we don't find a replacement we're going to have to forfeit. HALEY: Don't you guys, like, lose every year since grade school anyway? What's the big deal? PEYTON: It's important to Brooke. Do you know how terrible it is to be disconnected from your best friend? (Haley looks like she understands that) Look I really hurt Brooke. And I just don't want her to be disappointed again. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scott Body Shop] DAN: Hey, Matt, how's it going? MATT: Good, we're just about to close up. We'll finish the rest tomorrow. DAN: Not tomorrow. Tonight. We've got a whole new slate tomorrow. What's taking so long? MATT: We're just getting up to speed on the new equipment. (They look at Keith who is on the computer and looking at a manual) DAN: Uh huh. I'm sure you are. Thanks. (He walks over to Keith) Hey, Keith, how's it going? KEITH: Great. Just finished my taxes and I'm about to download some tunes. DAN: You know the junior college offers manufacturers training. Might help you learn the system. KEITH: It's not about the system, Dan, it's about the mechanic. A car is still a car. DAN: Anyone who drop out who takes high school shop knows more about these machines than you do. You should really think about enrolling. KEITH: You should really think about stepping three feet back. DAN: If you had gone to college in the first place, you might not have to get your hands dirty at all. [Hotel Hall] (Karen and Larry are walking around doing room checks) KAREN: Well I think that's everybody. LARRY: Yeah. KAREN: 8:59, that's not bad. LARRY: Yeah, except for that Tim kid peeing in the ice machine, this was easy. KAREN: Too easy. Think we should check again at ten? LARRY: You want to grab a cup of coffee in about a half hour? Sounds like it's going to be a late night. KAREN: Yeah. I'll meet you downstairs. LARRY: Alright. (They go separate ways and as soon as they are gone all the kids stick their heads out of their rooms and sneak down the hall) [Brooke's Room] (She is eating ice cream out of the pint while sitting in bed. Someone knocks on the door) BROOKE: Just leave the cake and go. (Karen walks in) KAREN: Well we're safe. All the other girls have had chicken pox. BROOKE: Theresa always was a beat behind. (Karen sits on the other bed) KAREN: How you doing? BROOKE: Pretty crappy. I put all my energy into this competition and it made me feel really good for a few days. Took my mind off everything, but now I'm just back to square one. KAREN: You know, we haven't had a chance to talk since you and Lucas broke up. I'm really sorry. BROOKE: His loss, right? KAREN: He probably knows that. And I know it doesn't seem like it, but I bet you and Peyton will get through this too. And now, from a former Ravens cheer captain to another, I think you have taken these girls too far to give up. BROOKE: Our routine is for ten girls, Karen. Without Theresa we're only nine, so unless I can pull a cheerleader out of my @#%$ - (Peyton and Haley walk in) PEYTON: Hey. Haley said she'd fill in for Theresa. HALEY: I make no apologies for my lack of coordination, it's genetic. BROOKE: It's impossible. PEYTON: Brooke, you're a captain. We can still do it. You just need to get off your @#%$ and stop pouting. BROOKE: We'd have to practice all night. (She looks at Karen) And it's past curfew. KAREN: If anyone asks, I was never here. (She leaves) BROOKE: Okay. Okay. I'm going to get the rest of the girls. We're going to need coffee, black, sleep is our enemy. (She points at Haley) And we're going to need to do something about that hair. (She walks out. Peyton laughs and grabs Haley's head) PEYTON: Let's go. [Hotel Lobby] (Everyone is walking out) JAKE: So I thought you were hanging out with Haley. LUCAS: Yeah, me too. She's probably hanging with Nathan. (Nathan walks up behind them) NATHAN: Tim. JAKE: Or not. NATHAN: We're good. Whitey's in for the night. TIM: So you ladies finally escaped psycho Brooke, huh? (Brooke walks up behind him) BROOKE: Psycho Brooke told you to leave her squad alone. (She pushes him out of the way) Raven's we're back on. TIM: Come on, Brooke. (the girls walk back inside) JAKE: Sad state of affairs when our own cheerleaders ditch us. TIM: Not really. I know this club. They're a little loose on checking ID's. That's not the only thing that's loose. NATHAN: Tim, just say it's a strip club. JAKE: How are we going to get in? TIM: Everybody chips in ten bucks and I grease the bouncer. NATHAN: And after that you can bribe him. [Cheer Practice] BROOKE: 5...6...7...8. (They start doing the moves and Haley is struggling to get it) No, no, no. Tutor girl. It's feet together, apart, then clap. HALEY: Okay, I'm really trying. BROOKE: Try harder cause we're on in 12 hours. (Claire and her girls walk up behind them) CLAIRE: Aw, cute routine girls. Too bad those moves are so '03. Where'd you find your choreographer anyway? In the yellow pages? Under 'S' for Sucks? BROOKE: No actually that's where I found your boyfriend. CLAIRE: Oh, you know if I were you, I'd get some beauty sleep. I think it's the only thing that's going to help. PEYTON: (Getting between them) If I were you, I'd step back from my friend. (Brooke looks at her) CLAIRE: Whatever. Oh and remember, ladies. Jazz fingers! (Brooke and Peyton roll their eyes as they walk away) HALEY: I'll give her a jazz finger. (Brooke and Peyton look surprised and laugh) BROOKE: Well, she's obviously scared cause their routine probably sucks. (Mouth comes on stage) MOUTH: Actually it's good. I've seen it. BROOKE: How good? MOUTH: Lots of spins. Some tumbles. BROOKE: Okay, no, give me information I can use, Mouth. What are the moves exactly? MOUTH: First they do this. (He starts imitating their routine exactly. He does all the moves and jumps and the girls watch him. Brooke looks nervous at how good the routine is. Peyton looks shocked that he can do the routine so well. Haley is trying hard not to laugh and covers her face) BROOKE: That is good. Do you want to replace tutor girl? MOUTH: No, thanks. Oh and by the way. Three other team are using Junior-Senior. (Brooks gets really nervous) BROOKE: Okay. (Mouth starts to walk away and Haley stops him) HALEY: Dude, what's up! (They slap hands) MOUTH: Thanks. BROOKE: It's time for plan B, we're going to find Claire Young's room and pull a Tonya Harding. We're just going to hit her in the knee with a big stick. PEYTON: Okay Brooke. You're a better choreographer than Claire has ever been. Okay? We still have time to win it, just teach us some new moves. BROOKE: Well what about our song? PEYTON: You handle the moves. Let me take care of the song. (She walks away and slaps Brooke's butt on her way past) [Strip Club] NATHAN: I got to hand it to you Tim, for once. TIM: Mm hmm. (Luke sits at a table alone with Jake who is drinking something) LUCAS: Vodka? JAKE: Water. (The rest of the guys get a front row seat at the stage) Although the last couple of days I've been tempted. LUCAS: Tough week? JAKE: Yeah. Jenny's mom popped up unannounced. LUCAS: Wow. How'd that go? JAKE: Oh, not good. But you now what, I don't really want to talk about her. I don't really get nights like this too often, so she's not going to ruin it. What's going on with you? Brooke? Peyton? LUCAS: Nothing anymore. JAKE: And then there's Nathan and Haley. LUCAS: Haley could be with anybody and I'd be happy for her. I mean even...(They look at Nathan and Tim and Tim is doing something like a monkey impression)...Tim. But Nathan. JAKE: Luke, I mean Nathan is not my favorite guy but I don't know, if Haley sees something in him, there's probably something there. She's got pretty good taste in people, right? ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Peppermint Zebra. (The crowd is all women cheering) LUACS: Is something a little off about this crowd? ANNOUNCER: It's ladies night! (Male strippers come on stage and all the guys try to look away) NATHAN: What? (A guy pulls off his pants in front of Tim) TIM: Ohh. JAKE: Wow. LUCAS: Oh God. [Cheer Practice] (Peyton is burning a cd on her laptop as the girls practice) BROOKE: 5...6...7...8...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... 1 and 2...3...4...5...6...7...8. Okay. Bevin, I want you to go into a high kick. Tutor girl, I want you to do a diagonal. HALEY: What's a diagonal? (Mouth does one for her) BROOKE: Thank you. PEYTON: Alright, alright. Ripped and burned. It's a remix. Trust me, nobody else is going to have this. (She hands Brooke the cd) BROOKE: This better be good. PEYTON: You're welcome. BROOKE: We get this right to the music, I'll spring for escorts, guys. (She puts the cd in) [Outside] (The guys are walking back to the hotel and Nathan keeps going straight when the others turn) LUCAS: Hey. Hotel's this way. NATHAN: Yeah I'm just gonna go check out the gym. LUCAS: Hey you mind if I come? NATHAN: Uh yeah. Whatever. [Gym] NATHAN: I'm gonna wipe this place up tomorrow. My dad's not going to be here so I figured I'd go for season high just to piss him off. LUCAS: Where is he this weekend, anyway? NATHAN: The lawyers told him to skip a game. Show he's not controlled by basketball. So he bought a satellite dish to bring in the live feed. LUCAS: Man I wish I was out there. The way I feel like I'll be back. NATHAN: There's always other sports. You don't need arms to suck at soccer. I busted my elbows once a couple of summers ago. I was playing again in like six weeks. LUCAS: What's the secret? NATHAN: There is no secret. You just start shooting one day and deal with the pain. Somewhere along the line it will get easier. LUCAS: So you been working on your fade-away? NATHAN: Fade-away's soft, man. Look if the game is on the line and the rock is in my hand, I'm going to the hole. Every time, that's my game. (He walks away) [The hotel pool] (The squad and Mouth is sitting in the hot tub) BEVIN: How'd you get him to open the hot tub? BROOKE: I sweet talked the night manager. I figured you guys could use it after reworking our entire routine tonight. Feels good doesn't it. MOUTH: Yep. This is great. (Brooke laughs. Peyton walks in with Haley hiding behind her) PEYTON: Ta Da. (She reveals Haley wearing the cheerleading uniform and she spins and the girls clap) BROOKE: Tutor Girl you look bitchin'. HALEY: Yeah I kind of do, don't I? BROOKE: Now get your suit. Hot tub therapy. Both of you. (She smiles at Peyton. Nathan comes in) NATHAN: Haley? (Peyton leaves them alone) HALEY: I'm kind of filling in for Theresa. NATHAN: Works for me. I got a thing for cheerleaders. HALEY: Oh yeah? (They kiss. Tim grabs Nathan and throws him into the pool with the rest of the team and squad following them. Haley and Peyton are left laughing on the side while everyone is jumping around in the water. Lucas comes up to Haley) They needed an extra. What do you think? LUCAS: I think you look kind of ridiculous. HALEY: You do realize that both your former girlfriends are cheerleaders. Oh right, excuse me. I guess I'm not allowed to have any fun. LUCAS: That's not it. HALEY: Yeah, that is it. I'm having a good time, I'm happy. I'd think that my friends would be happy for me too. TIM: Haley get in! (Haley walks away) Nathan stop it! (Nathan pulls him under. Whitey walks up behind Lucas and looks at all the kids in the pool who are looking back at him and Whitey looks very angry.) [Hotel Lobby] (Whitey is yelling at Karen and Larry) WHITEY: How in the hell am I going to win a ball game with a bunch of hung over idiots? I don't know why you got on the damn bus in the first place if you weren't going to take this serious. You call yourselves chaperones. It's pathetic. Ugh. (He leaves them and Larry and Karen start laughing) [Nathan and Lucas' Room] (Nathan is sitting up in bed playing a game boy and Lucas is sleeping. The bell on the game wakes him up and he looks up at Nathan) LUCAS: Dude, you got to be kidding me. It's 4 A.M. NATHAN: If I go to sleep now I'll never wake up. I'll be a total waste for the game tomorrow. (He shows him the game he's playing) It's classic basketball. I'd give you next but you'd probably hurt yourself again. LUCAS: What is Whitey doing? Putting us together on the court and in this room. NATHAN: He's just bored. And evil. LUCAS: You know, when I was younger I always wanted a little brother. Then I found out about you. Got over that in a hurry. NATHAN: What have you been doing to Haley, man? You were kind of a dick to her tonight. LUCAS: You know she used to be this totally original...Haley. Then you came along. NATHAN: And as far as I can tell she's still the same person she's always been. The only difference is now she's with me. So maybe the problem's not with her. Maybe the problem's with you. (Lucas turns back over to go to sleep) [Cheer Competition] ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Secret Sparkle Classic. First up, The Bear Creek Warriors. (The Warriors start their cheer) CHEER: 1...2...3...4. Bear Creek, Warriors. Champions to beat let's hear it. Better than the Ravens. You'll see. (All the Raven's watch them with bad looks on their faces. The guys are in the stands watching too. Brooke looks nervous and angry as they finish and the crowd cheers) ANNOUNCER: Four time champions Bear Creek Warriors. Led by captain Claire Young. (The Raven's get up) BROOKE: Okay. I want you guys to think about Theresa. Lying at home, itchy, and gross and covered in calamine lotion. The last thing she said to me was, "This Sucks". And this will suck unless we win. (Peyton and Haley look at each other) ANNOUNCER: Next up at this year's Sparkle Classic by Secret, the Tree Hill Ravens. BROOKE: (Everyone huddles and puts their hands in before going on) 5...6...7...8. RAVENS! (They all run out leaving Brooke and Peyton alone) Peyton. I just want to say thanks, for your help with Haley and the music. PEYTON: It's important to you. So it's important to me too. Come on. (They go on to perform) BROOKE: Let's Go! CHEER: The one, and only. Blue, black and white. The best of the best. That's right. (The Kung Foo Fighting song remix comes on. Mouth is moving along with their moves in the audience. They finish and run off. Haley runs towards Nathan right past Lucas and jumps into his arms) NATHAN: That's great. HALEY: Can you believe? NATHAN: You did awesome. HALEY: Thank you. (The awards are being given out to the squads) ANNOUNCER: And second place this year goes to the New Hanover Wild Cats. And first place in this years Sparkle Classic by Secret goes to...The Bear Creek Warriors. Five years in a row. Way to go. BROOKE: (To Peyton) Can I borrow you car, hose, and your garage? PEYTON: Brooke you did a great job. Okay? We all though so. BROOKE: Not good enough. ANNOUNCER: And our final award of the competition, for best original choreography, goes to...Brooke Davis. Captain and Choreographer of the Tree Hill Ravens. PEYTON: That's you! (Brooke hugs her and gets her trophy) ANNOUNCER: Congratulations. BROOKE: Thank you. (She gives Claire a smirk) PEYTON: Yeah Brooke. ANNOUNCER: And we want to thank all of this years cheering teams on behalf of Secret and their entire sparkle collection. Thanks for making this years Classics a success. And Cheer on. [Haley's Hotel Room] (Lucas knocks on the door and she answers it but doesn't look too excited about seeing him) HALEY: Hey. LUCAS: Hey. You were really amazing out there. HALEY: Yeah? I thought maybe I looked ridiculous. LUCAS: Look. So I was thinking. Things have been different since you started dating Nathan. HALEY: I don't spend anymore time with him than you did with Brooke. LUCAS: I know. I know and he's...your boyfriend. Of course you'll want to be with him. It's just, I guess I miss my friend. HALEY: Luke. I miss you too. But have you thought about how hard this is on my juggling the two of you guys? Luke, you're really important to me. I care about you. But Nathan is important to me too. And if you want to be a part of my life, eventually, sooner or later, you're gonna have to be a part of his too. LUCAS: You're right. (She holds out her hands and he slaps them) Alright well the game starts in a minute. Want to sit together? HALEY: Hell Yes! LUCAS: Alright. (She touches his shoulder as they stand up and he grabs it) HALEY: Oh I'm sorry! I am sorry. LUCAS: It's okay. [The Game] MOUTH: Fifteen seconds to go, the Tree Hill Ravens are down by one and could be on the brink of their first loss this season. WHITEY: Tim, you're in bound to Nathan up top. We're going spread offense. Nathan you find your open shot. If you can't we'll go with Jake. At least he's not hung over. TIM: Let's go fellas, come on. Raven's on three. 1...2...3...Ravens! MOUTH: Get out the Tupperware folks. If the Raven's don't score we'll have to save Coach Durham's 500th win cake for another night. HALEY: Go Nathan! MOUTH: Fifteen seconds left and the Ravens need a basket to win it. The inbound to Nathan Scott and he is immediately double teamed. He's gonna have to give it up. He does. Finds Tim Smith. Tim with the ball. The time is running down. Back to Nathan. Eight seconds now. Now seven. Nathan dribbles and tries to drive but he can't get through the double team. LUCAS: Come on. Come on. MOUTH: He's gonna have to do something. Three seconds. Now two. Nathan spins up top and puts up the fade-away. It's Good! (The buzzer sounds and everyone cheers) Unbelievable! In a season of impossible finishes, Nathan Scott nailed the fade-away jumper. The Ravens reign undefeated and Coach Durham's won 500 games. HALEY: Hey. Were you rooting for Nathan? LUCAS: I was rooting for the team. HALEY: Whatever you say. (Nathan points at Lucas in the stands and they kind of smile at each other. Everyone starts hugging Whitey) [Scott Body Shop] (All the workers are playing basketball outside the shop. Keith makes a basket and Dan comes out and grabs the ball) DAN: I make this shot, you get your asses back to work. (he shoots and makes it) Let's go. (To Matt) Hey. I expect this from Keith but you're supposed to be me when I'm not here. Get back to work. KEITH: Why don't you just lighten up, Dan? We were taking a break. DAN: Well break's over, Axel Rose. You never had a strong work ethic. If you did, it would still be your name up on that sign. KEITH: You know what? I'm done. DAN: We close shop at six. KEITH: No, I'm taking Nathan's lead and I'm getting the hell away from you. DAN: What is the matter with you? I do everything I can to help you keep your business and all you do is give me attitude. KEITH: And all you do is lorded over me. Well thanks for the help, Dan. But I don't want it anymore. You can take the shop. I quit. (he throws the basketball at the cut out of Dan and knocks it over) [At School] (The kids are unloading the bus. The cheerleaders are around Mouth) BEVIN: Thank you so much . MOUTH: Alright. (one of the girls kisses his cheek) Hey. Wow. BROOKE: Hey Mouth. (She holds up the trophy) Part of this belongs to you, you know. MOUTH: Well we could share it. Trade off weeks? BROOKE: Uh, let me think about it...No. (they laugh) MOUTH: Bye. BROOKE: Bye. (Haley runs up to her) HALEY: Brooke. Hey. You're uniform. (She hands her back the uniform) It didn't fit all that well anyways, so. BROOKE: You really saved us this weekend. Thanks, Haley. (she walks away leaving Haley looking confused) HALEY: Did she just call me Haley? (Lucas is closing his trunk and Nathan comes up to him) NATHAN: You know I would have hit that shot with or without you. LUCAS: Not if I was guarding you. NATHAN: Get your @#%$ back and we'll see. LUCAS: Alright. (Haley stands next to Nathan) HALEY: Hey guys. This is a first. (Some guy behind Lucas calls out to Haley) GUY: Haley! Hey what's up? HALEY: Hey. NATHAN: Who's that? HALEY: I have no idea. LUCAS: Well I guess that's a first too. Alright I'll see you guys later. HALEY: Okay. (she hugs him) Bye. LUCAS: Bye. (He nods at Nathan and leaves) HALEY: Hear that? He said you guys. NATHAN: Easy, match maker. So I'm headed back to the apartment. You sure you don't want to get that cheerleading uniform back? HALEY: Shut up! (Karen and Larry are putting things into her trunk and Lucas stands next to Peyton watching them) PEYTON: Okay. Is my dad flirting with your mom? Could he be any more obvious? (Karen and Larry are laughing together) This is too weird. LUCAS: Yeah, weird. (Brooke sees them standing together and looks upset. Peyton notices and walks over to her) PEYTON: Think Claire Young is still in shock? BROOKE: Look, Peyton, it was really fun to get caught up in the weekend and forget about all the crap between us. PEYTON: Yeah, it was. BROOKE: But it doesn't change what you did. Okay? We're not friends anymore, we're just on the same squad. PEYTON: Brooke, you might not be my friend, but I'm still yours. And I'm going to prove it to you. I'll see ya. (Everyone is walking away with their parents and Nathan is looking around for his. He looks disappointed and gets into his car with Haley next to him) [Karen's Café] (Larry and Karen are drinking coffee together and Keith comes in) KAREN: Oh hey. KEITH: Hey. KAREN: I'm sorry that I missed our dinner. LARRY: Oh you must be Keith. KEITH: Hi. (they shake hands) KAREN: This is Larry Sawyer. He's Peyton's dad. We chaperoned together this weekend. LARRY: More like Whitey chaperoned us. She's trouble if you keep her up after midnight. (They are laughing and Keith looks uncomfortable) KAREN: So how was your weekend? We miss anything in Tree Hill? KEITH: Not really. KAREN: You want some coffee? KEITH: You know I, just remembered I have to, uh, pick up an oil filter so, it was nice to meet you Larry. See ya. (Karen watches him leave) [Outside School] (Whitey is looking at the sign that says "Congrats Coach Durham on your 500th Win!" He smiles and walks away) [Scott Body Shop] (Keith is putting his keys into the box and has a box full of stuff then leaves) [Brooke's Room] (She is standing in front of her dresser with her trophy in front of her. She takes down a picture of Lucas, her and Peyton and rips Lucas out of it, then rips off Peyton. She starts to cry) [River Court] (Lucas shoots a basket and makes it but grabs his shoulder) LUCAS: That's one. [Nathan's Apartment] (He turns on the light and stands there looking around at the empty room)
Plan: A: the road; Q: Where does the gang hit to get to Charlotte? A: the annual cheerleading competition; Q: What is Brooke determined to win first place at? A: one; Q: How many of Brooke's cheerleaders falls ill? A: Peyton; Q: Who begs Haley to step into a cheerleader's shoes? A: Haley; Q: Who is caught in the middle of a temper flare up between Lucas and Nathan? A: a cheerleader's shoes; Q: What does Peyton ask Haley to step into for a day? A: Whitey assigns Lucas; Q: What causes Nathan and Lucas to be in the same room? A: Bruce Springsteen; Q: What artist is the episode named after? Summary: The gang hits the road to Charlotte where Brooke is determined to win first place at the annual cheerleading competition. But when one of her squad falls ill, Peyton begs Haley to step into a cheerleader's shoes for a day. Meanwhile, after Whitey assigns Lucas and Nathan to the same room, tempers flare and Haley is caught in the middle. This episode is named after a song by Bruce Springsteen .
5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. THE LAKE OF MUTATIONS (The water begins to bubble and seethe. When ELYON turns back round, the water has been whipped into a large whirlpool. He turns to run but something has grabbed his legs. He screams...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. SWAMP (His scream carries to the camp. The party jumps up...) GANATUS: Stay here! (He and IAN run to the lake leaving BARBARA and the other Thals behind, wondering what awaits their companions at the lakeside...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. THE LAKE OF MUTATIONS (One water-bag remains on the bank...) (...and this is discovered when IAN and GANATUS arrive at the lakeside. Despite GANATUS'S previous order, BARBARA and KRISTAS arrive at the scene. They all see the remains of the other water-bags drifting on the lake itself in the last slow swirls of the whirlpool from which small bubbles of air erupt to the surface. The four stand in silence as a horrified ANTODUS runs up.) ANTODUS: What is it? What's happened to Elyon? (He sees what remains. All stare at the water for a moment.) IAN: There's nothing we can do here. BARBARA: Ian? (IAN leads her away from the lake, KRISTAS following. A shaking ANTODUS is left behind with GANATUS.) ANTODUS: Did...Elyon...fall in? (He falls to his knees, barely holding himself together.) ANTODUS: What happened? (GANATUS bends down to comfort him.) GANATUS: It must have happened very quickly. Come on now, we must reach the cliffs by tonight. (He leads his brother away from the scene.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. FOREST EDGE (From behind the cover of a tree, SUSAN observes the city through the DOCTOR'S long handled binoculars. After a moment, she crosses to where the DOCTOR, ALYDON and DYONI are hunched behind a boulder. A map of the city rests on top of the boulder. SUSAN hands ALYDON the glasses and then describes her observations pointing at the map.) SUSAN: There are four roads that lead off from the main square, going north, south, east and west. (DYONI draws in the features that SUSAN describes. ALYDON lowers the glasses and points to one area on the map.) ALYDON: The main ventilators seem to be over in this section. DOCTOR: Mmm. SUSAN: (Points.) Oh, that's right. It goes down there and up. DOCTOR: (To ALYDON.) Can you see any way in at all? ALYDON: No. DOCTOR: Oh, well, allow me, will you? (ALYDON passes the glasses to the DOCTOR who stands up from behind the boulder to observe.) SUSAN: Grandfather, get down! (She pulls him back down.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes. Now the...the things we have to put out of action is the radio and television waves. They've obviously got complete coverage in and around the city. ALYDON: They don't leave much to chance. DOCTOR: We must presume they don't leave anything to chance. DYONI: If they have pictures of the entrance to the city, how can we do anything? DOCTOR: Then we must stop the pictures. Remember, the Daleks aren't very mobile. SUSAN: Yes, we do have speed on our side. DOCTOR: And there's always value in surprise. I know it looks difficult, but...we must try it, my friends! Yes, we must! ALYDON: (Pensively.) Yes. I wish I knew what they were planning for us. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. CITY (In the city...) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (...a DALEK glides towards a control panel where another DALEK reports.) FIRST DALEK: The report on the neutron bomb is prepared. SECOND DALEK: Let us hear it. (The FIRST DALEK turns to the control panel and activates a switch. Pulsing patterns appear on the screen.) DALEK: (OOV: Over intercom.) Report on Neutron bomb: to cover five hundred square miles, time to construct - twenty three days. FIRST DALEK: Is that the shortest possible time? DALEK: (OOV: Over intercom.) Yes. FIRST DALEK: Very well. (It switches off the intercom.) FIRST DALEK: It is too long. SECOND DALEK: We must abandon the idea of a neutron bomb. FIRST DALEK: We must find another way of spreading radiation. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CAVE TUNNEL (Holding a light, GANATUS leads BARBARA down a treacherous and dark tunnel. She stumbles slightly and GANATUS steadies her.) GANATUS: It's getting narrower. BARBARA: Oh, it's like all the other caves - just tails off into a dead end. GANATUS: (Smiles.) Now there's a gloomy thought for you! (They laugh gently and continue onwards.) BARBARA: I wonder if Ian's doing any better? GANATUS: When did we arrange to...meet him and the others? BARBARA: Oh, we ought to be going back now. GANATUS: Let's make sure this is impossible first. (They continue on and reach a dead end.) GANATUS: Huh, I must have had sixth sense. Look at that...pity. Well, lets go back and try one of the other ways. BARBARA: No, wait a minute. GANATUS: Can you see something? BARBARA: No, stand still for a minute... (They stand and listen to a dripping noise.) BARBARA: There! Can you hear it? The sound of water. (GANATUS flashes the light upwards.) GANATUS: Yes... (He plays the light over the walls of the cave.) GANATUS: Yes, Barbara, look! (He has spotted a small gap in the cave wall.) GANATUS: There's a passageway here. BARBARA: Well, that won't be easy... GANATUS: It's a good job we haven't been over-eating recently. (He gives BARBARA the light, takes a coil of rope from over his shoulder and ties one end round his waist.) GANATUS: It's going to be a long crawl...well, we won't use one of the customs of your planet. BARBARA: What's that? GANATUS: "Ladies first!" (BARBARA laughs and grabs the other end of the rope.) BARBARA: Ha! I should hope not! (GANATUS starts clearing small rocks away from the gap.) GANATUS: Play the rope out as I move in, will you? BARBARA: Yes all right. Be careful, remember what Ian said - we're not to take any chances. (GANATUS crawls in part way.) GANATUS: (Mocking.) Do you always do what Ian says? BARBARA: (Sternly.) No, I don't. (GANATUS crawls back.) GANATUS: Well, let me have the torch then, unless you think...? BARBARA: No, no, your need is greater than mine. (GANATUS crawls slowly into the gap as BARBARA feeds the rope slack as needed.) GANATUS: (OOV: Within gap.) Barbara? BARBARA: Yes? [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. CLEFT (GANATUS is hanging by the rope and looking down.) GANATUS: There seems to be a drop of about...thirty feet or so. I'm going down. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CAVE TUNNEL BARBARA: Well, be careful! GANATUS: (OOV: Within gap.) Tie your end of the rope around a rock or something, will you? BARBARA: Yes, all right. (She finds a rock and ties the rope around it. She uses her foot as a brake on the slack and grips the end tightly.) BARBARA: Ready! GANATUS: (OOV: Within gap.) Right! (The rope is slowly played out, moving around the rock and through BARBARA'S hands and foot. The strain suddenly becomes too much and BARBARA is pulled over, the rope flying through the gap.) BARBARA: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. LOWER CAVE (GANATUS falls and hits the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. CAVE TUNNEL (BARBARA jumps to her feet and shouts through the gap...) BARBARA: (Shouts.) Ganatus!? Ganatus!? (She turns and runs for help. IAN is already coming along the tunnel.) IAN: What's happened? BARBARA: I couldn't hold onto it... IAN: Where's Ganatus? BARBARA: It slipped through my fingers. (Points.) He's down here, look! (They rush to the gap.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. LOWER CAVE (GANATUS is stood on the floor of the lower cave and looking upwards.) GANATUS: Barbara? IAN: (OOV: Shouting slowly.) All...right...this...end! Are...you...hurt? GANATUS: No, I'm not! [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. CAVE TUNNEL (KRISTAS and ANTODUS have joined IAN and BARBARA.) ANTODUS: Is my brother hurt? BARBARA: No, he isn't. But, it was my fault. The rope slipped off the rock. (IAN grabs a rope off ANTODUS.) IAN: The rope, Antodus! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. LOWER CAVE GANATUS: (Shouts.) Barbara? [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CAVE TUNNEL IAN: (Shouts.) Are you sure you're all right? [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. LOWER CAVE GANATUS: (Shouts.) Yes! What's happened to Barbara? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. CAVE TUNNEL IAN: (Shouts.) She's okay. Don't worry! Hang on a minute, I'm bringing another rope down to you! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. LOWER CAVE GANATUS: (Shouts.) It would be better if you came down here! There's a big cavern with lots of tunnels going off it! Unless you've found anything else, this seems a fair chance! IAN: (OOV.) No, we haven't! Hang on...we'll be with you in a couple of minutes... GANATUS: (Shouts.) Good! (He glances round.) GANATUS: (To himself.) It looks as though it may have been a lucky fall... [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEKS' screen shows static. A report comes through to two DALEKS.) DALEK: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Rangerscopes are recording great activity amongst the Thal people! FIRST DALEK: (Into tannoy.) Are there pictures? DALEK: (OOV: Over tannoy.) No, reception is bad. (The FIRST DALEK spins round in a panic.) FIRST DALEK: They are attacking our instruments! SECOND DALEK: We must keep alert! FIRST DALEK: Yes. (It turns back to the panel.) FIRST DALEK: (Into tannoy.) Concentrate all power of Rangerscopes and Vibrascopes on all entrances to the city. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. CITY (Bright lights flash on the towers of the Dalek city.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. FOREST EDGE (The source of the light is a group of Thals reflecting sunlight off huge mirrors onto the city.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. EXT. CITY WALL (The DOCTOR, SUSAN and ALYDON have reached the city and are stood next to a featureless metallic wall. The DOCTOR holds a thick branch like a club. ALYDON holds the map.) DOCTOR: It looks as if my plan has worked! ALYDON: We can't keep up this light reflection for long. DOCTOR: Never mind. It gives us a better chance to get into the city unnoticed. SUSAN: We can't be sure of that, Grandfather. DOCTOR: Oh, I know it's risky, but, er...well, we mustn't diddle about here. Now, I want to get to the east side of that antennae. (He starts to wander off. ALYDON consults his map.) ALYDON: Er, Doctor, look... DOCTOR: Mmm? ALYDON: According to the map, we should be moving further to our left... (Points.) ...in that direction. (The DOCTOR looks at the map.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I see. Well, go ahead will you? (To SUSAN.) Go along, child. (SUSAN and ALYDON move off.) DOCTOR: (To himself.) Yes, we'll show them a thing or two... (He smiles to himself...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. TUNNEL (IAN leads his party down through a dark rocky tunnel. IAN and GANATUS have Thal torches.) IAN: So far, so good. It seems to be broadening out a bit. GANATUS: Who knows? It...may stop being impossible. BARBARA: Just become unbearable. IAN: Well, at least we can breath in here. GANATUS: We seem to be travelling more or less in a straight line. IAN: Yes, I think we are. (The group stops for a moment. KRISTAS moves up front to IAN.) KRISTAS: I'll take the fire. IAN: Oh, thank you. (He hands the firebox over.) KRISTAS: Shall I lead on then? IAN: Yes, I suppose you might as well. We'll...we'll have a rest in a minute. (The group continues on but ANTODUS hangs back, looking nervous. He calls to his brother.) ANTODUS: Ganatus, I want to go back. GANATUS: What for? ANTODUS: I can't go on anymore. GANATUS: You must! ANTODUS: No. We're going deeper...deeper all the time. We'll be trapped in the mountain, I know we will. Please, Ganatus...let me go back. GANATUS: You can't! ANTODUS: But, you don't really need me, not really! I could, well...I could go back and signal to the others that we've managed to get as far as we have. (GANATUS looks over his shoulder to make sure that the rest of the party are not listening, then speaks firmly.) GANATUS: Antodus, we go on together! ANTODUS: Why? Why are you making me do all these things? Even if we do get through, we'll never defeat the Daleks! Ganatus...we're all going to be killed. GANATUS: We can't turn back now! ANTODUS: The others can't...but we could. Listen...they're going to die anyway. We could just go back and tell the others that the Daleks killed them. GANATUS: (Furiously.) Oh what are you talking about - "you must go back"? ANTODUS: I'm not going on. GANATUS: You are! You must! (ANTODUS turns to go, GANATUS grabs at him then suddenly ANTODUS cries out, holding the back of his head.) GANATUS: Antodus? I'm sorry. Are...are you hurt? (The sound of rock falling reveals the source of ANTODUS' pain. The cave roof is starting to come down. GANATUS helps ANTODUS up.) GANATUS: Ian! (IAN rushes up and the two manage to get out of the way just before the roof crashes down. BARBARA and KRISTAS also run up.) IAN: (To GANATUS.) Is he hurt? GANATUS: A rock hit him. It would have hit me, but he pushed me aside. He was very brave. IAN: Well, I hope he hasn't cut his head. (The two kneel by him. ANTODUS is more angry and embarrassed than hurt.) ANTODUS: I'm all right. GANATUS: Ian, we can't go back the way we came. (To ANTODUS.) We must go on now. (ANTODUS looks distraught.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (Two DALEKS glide towards a control panel.) FIRST DALEK: Emergency! Emergency! SECOND DALEK: Reaction on the vibrascopes. FIRST DALEK: Where? SECOND DALEK: Section fifteen, city wall. Shall I redirect the Rangerscopes? FIRST DALEK: No. If we track them by their vibrations, we can take them by surprise. (They glide away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. CITY WALL (SUSAN spots a type of junction box set into the wall. A thick cable runs up from it.) SUSAN: Hey, Grandfather, look! (The DOCTOR and ALYDON run over.) DOCTOR: Mmm, yes? SUSAN: Is this what you want? DOCTOR: Ah yes! A single cable. The whole city is powered by static electricity! ALYDON: Well, how do you know that? DOCTOR: The single wire, you see. (He points out the direction the cable takes above them and round the top of the wall.) DOCTOR: Round here...there...see? And there...that must be the answer! (SUSAN has also been tracing the cable's track round the buildings with her finger.) SUSAN: Well, it leads up into the antennae! ALYDON: Well, it certainly goes in that direction, but I...I can't see it all. (SUSAN turns back to the junction box and starts to try and prise its glass front off.) SUSAN: I wonder if I can open this box...? DOCTOR: Hmm? SUSAN: There aren't any hinges on it. (She suddenly pulls up the glass cover.) SUSAN: Well, that's it! Look, look, it slides up! DOCTOR: Ah, good girl! Now, just take it over there...that's it. (SUSAN places the glass cover to one side.) DOCTOR: Now look out. (Using his club, the DOCTOR smashes the circuits in the exposed panel.) SUSAN: The thing is, how are we going to cut the wire now it's exposed without getting a terrific shock? ALYDON: Look, we can't wait around here too long, you know. DOCTOR: No, just a minute! Now, you go and tell your friends to stop flashing the light on the antennae. Because for all we know, the Daleks might have a beam to throw on them - paralyse them, kill them! ALYDON: But I can't leave you two here. DOCTOR: Oh, we shall be all right. Now, go along...and tell them to move their position from time to time. Now hurry please! ALYDON: (Flustered.) Very well then, but don't waste time here. I...I'll come back for you if I can. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes, we shall be back before then. Now go! (ALYDON leaves. The DOCTOR watches him go.) DOCTOR: Dear, dear, dear, that young man gets so agitated. (SUSAN smiles as the DOCTOR turns back to the box.) DOCTOR: Now, I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll short-circuit it to...another conductor. Let me have the key of the ship, Susan, will you...? SUSAN: Hmm? DOCTOR: The key of the ship, dear! (SUSAN takes the key chain from round her neck.) SUSAN: Oh, what a good idea, yes! (The DOCTOR puts the chain with the key attached over the end of his club.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes. I can always make another one if necessary. SUSAN: Yes, of course. DOCTOR: Now, let us, er...proceed. (Using the club, he places the key into the panel. He pulls the club away leaving the key there.) DOCTOR: Now, the power's running away. (He laughs.) That'll teach the Daleks to meddle in our affairs! (SUSAN laughs then points to a smaller junction box next to the large one.) SUSAN: What about this one? DOCTOR: Well, of course! (Using the club, he smashes the glass away, the puts the free end of the necklace into the second box. There is a small explosion....) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. CITY CONTROL ROOM (...And a larger explosion under one of the panels in the control room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. CITY WALL DOCTOR: Now, we've short...we've shorted it, you see? So something must have gone somewhere else! The extent of the damage, of course, we don't know yet. SUSAN: Look, Grandfather, this is marvellous, but...but they must have a fault locator somewhere. We must get away from here! DOCTOR: (Boasting.) But, my dear child, don't you realise what I've done? A few simple tools... SUSAN: Yes, but we mustn't... DOCTOR: ...a superior brain? SUSAN: ...waste time, we must go now! (They turn to move but are caught in a bright light and surrounded by a host of DALEKS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. TUNNEL (IAN is at the head of the group. He suddenly stops dead.) IAN: Look out! (The others stop.) IAN: No place for a quiet stroll, is it? (Ahead of them the floor drops away into a chasm.) GANATUS: It looks pretty wide. IAN: Yes, and deep. (He speaks to the others behind him.) IAN: Well, you might as well take a rest while we sort this one out. (The party sits down while IAN plays his flashlight over one side of the chasm.) IAN: No point in going that way. It widens out. (He looks at the other side beside them.) IAN: There's no foothold at all on this side. (He looks at the other side of the chasm opposite them.) IAN: There's a ledge over there, look. About two to three feet, would you say? GANATUS: Mmm. (GANATUS looks across the chasm.) GANATUS: There seems to be some sort of cleft in the rock face...there. IAN: Yes, I think you're right. We'll have to get over there. GANATUS: How about...going down this side on a rope, and trying to climb the other? IAN: Yes, well, see how deep it is. Hold the torch...a pebble? (IAN picks up a pebble and drops it over the fissure. Several long seconds later, it hits water. The chasm is too deep. They look at each other in silence. After a long moment...) GANATUS: How do we do it? (IAN thinks for a moment, then...) IAN: We jump. (GANATUS points the torch at the opposite ledge.) GANATUS: There's not much space to land in. IAN: No. IAN & GANATUS: Oh, well, I'll go... (They stop. IAN smiles and takes the rope off his shoulder.) IAN: You go and tell them we're going to jump. (IAN ties the rope round his waist. GANATUS turns to the others.) GANATUS: We're going to jump it. (The others get to their feet. GANATUS rejoins IAN.) IAN: Shine the torch on that ledge. Keep clear of me when I run...and give me plenty of rope. BARBARA: Good luck. (IAN squeezes her arm in thanks. He takes several steps back away from the fissure, makes a test run, goes back, takes a deep breath, runs and jumps and catches the ledge. He gets his foothold and stands to face his companions on the other side.) IAN: All right! Ganatus, you come over next and we'll explore that cleft in the rock. GANATUS: Right. (IAN tests the stability of the ledge with his foot.) IAN: Quite firm. I think there's just about enough room for two of us. (GANATUS ties another rope round his waist.) GANATUS: Take up the slack will you? IAN: Right. (GANATUS throws the other end of the rope over to IAN, who catches it.) BARBARA: (To GANATUS.) Good luck. (GANATUS smiles and walks several feet back.) GANATUS: Ready? IAN: Right, take a good long...run. (GANATUS runs and jumps safely into IAN'S arms. He gets his foothold.) IAN: Good jump! You should have come first. GANATUS: Now I'll take a look at this cleft. (To BARBARA.) The torch? (IAN winds the slack of GANATUS' rope around himself. GANATUS holds out his hands and is thrown the torch by the others.) GANATUS: Pay it out slowly. IAN: Right. (GANATUS slowly rappels over to the cleft, using the rope to keep himself from falling.) GANATUS: It's all right. There's...a handhold just here. (He moves out of sight round the corner of the thin ledge into the cleft.) GANATUS: (OOV.) A little more rope... (IAN pays it out.) GANATUS: (OOV.) It goes wider. It seems to be some sort of a tunnel. I...I don't need the rope anymore. Bring the others over. (GANATUS has untied himself. IAN pulls the rope back.) IAN: Right. (To the others.) Rope coming over... (He throws the rope over. They catch it. IAN takes a deep breath.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR and SUSAN are sat on the floor surrounded by DALEKS.) FIRST DALEK: You have destroyed our videoscope and one of our lifts. DOCTOR: And you in turn killed the Thal leader in your ambush. You will be responsible for more deaths unless you help these people. FIRST DALEK: The only interest we have in the Thals is their total extermination! SUSAN: (Startled.) What do you mean? FIRST DALEK: Tomorrow, the atmosphere will be bombarded by the radiation from out nuclear reactors. SUSAN: (Shocked.) Why are you doing this? DOCTOR: That's sheer murder! FIRST DALEK: No - extermination. DOCTOR: But you must listen to reason. Please, you must! FIRST DALEK: Without radiation, the Dalek race is ended. We need it as you and the Thals need air. (All the DALEKS turn and raise their arms in a salute.) DALEKS: (In semi-unison.) Tomorrow, we will be the masters of the planet Skaro! [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. TUNNEL (BARBARA makes the jump and lands safely in IAN'S arms.) BARBARA: Oh, I thought I...I wouldn't make it! IAN: You did well. Just get your breath back for a minute. BARBARA: I'm all right. (He unties her rope. As he gathers the rope back up, she edges towards the cleft but facing the chasm. She realises her error and falters...) BARBARA: Ian! IAN: Oh no! Not that way! (He reaches out and grabs her hand.) IAN: Now stay still. Give me your other hand. You've got to come back. Now swing! (He pulls her back.) IAN: Now this time, face the rock. (She does so.) IAN: And reach...reach round with that arm. (She slowly edges around the cleft.) IAN: Reach higher...can you feel? BARBARA: I...I can't reach! (She tries again) IAN: Higher, go on! BARBARA: Ah, yes! IAN: Now...let go of my hand and...swing yourself around. Go on! (She does so and swings out of sight into the tunnel.) IAN: All right? BARBARA: (OOV.) Yes! (KRISTAS calls out from the other side of the chasm.) KRISTAS: I'll throw the fire. IAN: Right. (IAN catches the firebox. He gathers up the rope again.) IAN: Rope coming over. (He throws the rope to KRISTAS.) KRISTAS: Will you go next, Antodus? ANTODUS: (Sullenly.) No, you go on. KRISTAS: Very well. (He ties the rope round his waist and follows the jump taken by his companions, again successfully.) IAN: You made it look easy. (KRISTAS unties himself and makes his way towards the cleft.) IAN: Got the grip? KRISTAS: Yes, I'm clear. (He moves out of sight into the tunnel.) IAN: (To ANTODUS.) Rope coming over. (IAN throws the rope over but ANTODUS stands looking into the chasm as if mesmerised and doesn't even attempt to catch it.) IAN: Sorry, bad throw. My fault. Move back from the edge. ANTODUS: (In a scared whisper.) I can't do it... IAN: (Firmly.) Move back from the edge and catch this rope! Ready? Coming now! (ANTODUS does as he is told and catches the rope.) IAN: Good! Now...tie it round yourself. (He does as instructed.) IAN: Tight! (ANTODUS tightens the knot.) IAN: Now...give yourself a good long run...and jump. (ANTODUS takes several steps back...) IAN: I'm ready whenever you are... (ANTODUS braces himself, runs and jumps but hits the ledge badly and, with a scream, falls into the chasm. IAN is knocked to the floor, tied to the other end of the rope. He grabs hold of a rock but with a poor grip...) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. CHASM (ANTODUS spins on the end of the rope in the chasm. He tries to grab a hold of the rockface but it's completely smooth.) ANTODUS: (Hysterical.) Help me! Help me! I can't hold on! I can't hold on! [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. TUNNEL (IAN'S grip on the rock is reduced to his fingers only as the weight of ANTODUS pulls him slowly nearer the edge...)
Plan: A: The TARDIS; Q: What has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro? A: two indigenous races; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions meet on the planet Skaro? A: the Daleks; Q: Who are the Thals fighting with? A: armoured travel machines; Q: What are the Daleks encased in? A: the Thals; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions convince to fight for their own survival? A: pacifist principles; Q: What do the Thals have? A: their own survival; Q: What do the Thals need to fight for? A: a two-pronged attack; Q: What type of attack did the Thals launch on the Daleks? A: the Dalek city; Q: What do the Thals attack? A: The Daleks; Q: Who are killed when their power supply is cut off? Summary: The TARDIS has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro where they meet two indigenous races - the Daleks, malicious mutant creatures encased in armoured travel machines, and the Thals, beautiful humanoids with pacifist principles. They convince the Thals of the need to fight for their own survival. Joining forces with them and braving Skaro's many dangers, they launch a two-pronged attack on the Dalek city. The Daleks are all killed when, during the course of the fighting, their power supply is cut off.
With Help From: Aaron Miller [Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.] Joey: What are you doing? Ross: I...reorganized the fridge. See, bottom shelf: meats and dairy. (There's nothing on the shelf.) Middle shelf: fruits and vegetables. (There's one lone tomato.) And top shelf: expired products. (The shelf is jammed packed.) Joey: Why are you doing this? Ross: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. I've already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners. Joey: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. You've got to spread it out a little, you know. Haven't you ever been unemployed? Ross: Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical! Joey: Hey, don't get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here...sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?! Ross: So what, we just sit? Joey: Ohh, no, no. We're not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.) Chandler: (Answering the phone at work) Hello, Chandler Bing. Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you. Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) It's been six months! It's not funny! Joey: But, I love you. Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.) Joey: And that's Wednesday. (He reclines in his chair.) Ohh. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.] Phoebe: Hey you guys, guess what? Chandler: The British are coming? Phoebe: Ohh, you and your ways. (She shakes the bell at him and sits down.) Since it's Christmastime. I'm going to be one of those people collection donations. All: Ohh. Phoebe: (Excitedly) Yeah, I already have my bell and later on...I get my bucket. Chandler: Ohh. Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, I'm going to do the whole city. Monica: You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular. (Chandler laughs.) Joey: So Pheebs, where are you doing all, your bell ringing? Phoebe: Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but I'm the only one who can sing "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages. (She smirks.) I lied. Rachel: Oh my god. Ok you guys, there's Danny. Watch. Just watch this. (He walks past the couch to the counter.) See?! Still pretending he's not interested. Ohh, he's coming over. Just pretend like we don't know him. We've forgotten who he is. Danny: Hey guys. All: Hey Danny. Monica: Danny? You know Rachel? She's nice. She's not bad to look at, right? Rachel: Thanks, Mon. Danny: Well, of course. Monica: Do you want to go out on a date with her? Rachel: Monica!!! Danny: (Looking at Monica) Absolutely! Is Friday okay? Monica: Friday's perfect...She can't wait. Danny: (To Monica) On the date, I will be able to talk to her directly? (To Rachel) See ya Friday. (He walks out.) Rachel: (Somewhat angrily) Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don't answer me. (Giggling) I have a date with Danny. [Scene: Estelle's (Joey's Agent) Office, Joey is there.] Joey: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens. Estelle: Well, Telia Shire suddenly became available. Joey: She's a woman! Estelle: What can I say? She nailed it. Joey: (Very discouraged) Okay, is there anything else? Estelle: Well, you're just going to say no again but...gay p0rn. [Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is collecting donations and ringing her bell.] Phoebe: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. (A man put some change in her bucket.) Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy. (She waves her hand up and down as if she is spreading joy.) Monica: (Walking in from off screen.) Phoebe! Phoebe: Hey! Monica: I just wanted to see how it's going. Phoebe: Well, it's going okay. Monica: (Taking out her wallet.) Well good, here let me help you out. Phoebe: Oh, thanks! Monica: Yeah! Phoebe: Wow! (Monica puts some change in Phoebe's bucket.) Phoebe: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive. Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.) Phoebe: Just get your nails done? Monica: Yes Phoebe, but this is all I have. Okay? (She pours out the rest of her change purse into the bucket.) Phoebe: Okay! Thanks! Happy Holidays, here's your joy. (She waves her arm and spreads her joy.) (A man walks up and puts a dollar bill in.) Phoebe: Thank you! And Happy Holidays. (The man starts to take some change out.) Phoebe: Wait, you can't take the money out. The Man: I'm making change. I need change for the bus. Phoebe: But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor. The Man: I'm poor! I gotta take the bus! Phoebe: Okay, Seasons Greetings and everything, but still... The Man: Bite me, blondie! (The man storms off.) Phoebe: Oh, I'm going to give him something else besides joy, just... (She scowls at him.) [Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.] Joey: That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it! Ross: I'm sorry, man. Hey, y'know what you should do? You should make something happen for yourself. Y'know, like-like write a play. Write a movie! Huh? I mean, what about those Good Will Hunting guys? Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it? (Ross just stares at him until he figures it out.) Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it! Ross: Or that. Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it. Ross: I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do. Joey: Really? You'd-you'd do that for me?! Ross: Yeah! Joey: Thanks! Ross: (grabbing a notepad and sitting down) All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character. Joey: Done! Ross: And it can't be Joey. Joey: It's not. Ross: Or Joseph. Joey: (disappointed) Oh. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is returning. Monica enters from her room wearing nothing but a robe.] Monica: Hey, what's up? Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her. Monica: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Rachel: Well, you should be, this is all your fault! You meddled in our relationship!! Monica: You had no relationship!! Rachel: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan! Monica: Oh God, stop with the plan! So what, so what you saw him with a girl? Who cares?! That doesn't mean anything! Now look, you're going to go out on a date with Danny and you're going to be so charming he's gonna forget all about that stupid subway girl. Rachel: She was kinda stupid. You're right. All right, I'm just gonna go on the date. I'm gonna go on the date. That is the new plan. (Rachel goes into her room and closes the door. Which allows Monica to let Chandler out of her room.) Monica: Come on, hurry! (Chandler runs out the door and closes it behind him. After a short pause the door opens and Chandler comes rushing back through, grabs Monica, kisses her good-bye, and heads back out.) [Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.] Joey: Hey, how do you spell suspicious? Chandler: Why? Joey: Because I think this character is going to be suspicious about stuff. (Chandler makes it into the bowl.) Chandler: Yes! Chandler Bing, 7! Chandler Bing, 0. Joey: You're driving me crazy with that! Chandler: Okay, I'll stop. Joey: Don't stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot! (Chandler slides the bowl to the far end of the counter. He tries again, but he hits the spoon to hard and the ball goes flying away.) Joey: Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now. Chandler: You wanna play? Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule. Chandler: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home. Joey: (jumping up) All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch? Chandler: I'm intrigued. Joey: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid. Chandler: Okay, but be careful okay, because I wanna get our security deposit back. Joey: Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts. Chandler: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle? Joey: Uh yeah, right here. (He punches his fist through the wall next to the door.) [Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is still ringing her bell. A guy puts some change into the bucket.] Phoebe: Thank you, Happy Holidays. (Another woman walks up and throws something into the bucket.) Phoebe: Now, that's trash. Young lady, you can't... (The lady ignores her and walks off.) Hey! Stop that young lady, she donated trash! (Another guy walks by and throws his light cigarette butt in the bucket.) Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning! [Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.] Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball. Joey: Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing. Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluid-Op! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.) Ross: This is helping your career?! Huh? I thought you wanted to be an actor not the creator of crazy lawsuit game! Joey: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work. Ross: (To Chandler) And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. (To Joey) Now come on! Joey: Hey! (He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.) Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.) [Scene: Outside Danny's apartment, Danny and Rachel are returning from their date.] Danny: I had a really nice time tonight. Rachel: So did I. I'm really glad Monica asked us out. (He kisses her.) Danny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch. Rachel: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? (Danny nods, "Yes.") Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch! Danny's Sister: (opening the door) Oh, I thought I heard you. Danny: Oh hey, great, you're up. Rachel, this is my sister Krista. Krista, this is Rachel. Rachel: Hi! Krista: Nice to meet you. I wish you'd told me we were having company, I'd fix myself up! Danny: Like it would help. Krista: You are so bad! (Hits him softly.) Danny: You are! (Hits her back.) Krista: You are! (Hits him softly.) Danny: You are! (Hits her back.) Krista: You are! (Hits him softly.) Danny: You are! (Hits her back.) Krista: You are! (Hits him harder this time.) Danny: You are so dead! I'm gonna get you. (He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.) Rachel: (not sure what to do) Uh, it was very nice meeting you. (They continue to ignore her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is complaining to Ross and Monica about the bucket.] Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you? Monica: No. Phoebe: Does it look like an ashtray? Monica: No. Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal? Monica: Eww!! (Throws the bucket down.) Ross: So Pheebs, are you gonna go back out there or what? Phoebe: Well, yeah! But I'm not gonna take anymore crap. Okay? No more Mrs. Nice Bucket! Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets. Phoebe: Yeah, I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe. Yeah! Oh but, y'know what? I can't go totally back because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys. Sorry. (Leaves.) Rachel: (entering from her room) Hey! Monica: Hey! Rachel: Hey, umm, can I ask you guys something? Monica and Ross: Sure. Rachel: Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle? Ross: Oh-oh, yeah. Monica: All the time. In fact, I was undefeated. Ross: Uh, you weighted 200 pounds. Monica: Still, I was quick as a cat. Rachel: Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday, and uh that was actually the girl on the subway. Monica: Oh, you're kidding. Rachel: Yeah, they were very y'know...wrestley. But, I guess that's normal? Monica: (laughing with Ross) We don't, we don't wrestle now. Ross: Yeah, not since I got too strong for you. Monica: Too strong for me? Ross: Yeah. Monica: You wanna go right now? 'Cause I'll take you right now, buddy! You wanna go? Ross: Oh fine. Monica: Ready? (They grab a hold of each other's necks.) Wrestle! (They start wrestling.) Rachel: Okay, y'know what uh, actually, that's great. That helps a lot. Thanks. (She leaves them to wrestle.) [Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.] Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe! Ross: Joey's not going. Joey: (To Chandler) I didn't finish my five pages. Chandler: Well, why can't you do them tomorrow? Ross: Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages. Joey: Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work. Chandler: (To Ross) Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done. Ross: I think he's been relaxing enough, thanks to you and Fireball. Joey: Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played. Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed. Ross: I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical! Joey: Come on look guys, don't fight. Ross: And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend. And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing. Chandler: Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk? Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine. Joey: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors! Ross: How about we settle this right now! (He rips up the tickets.) There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha! Chandler: I paid for those tickets! Ross: No you didn't. You said you would, but you never did! Chandler: Oh yeah! (Makes an unintelligible taunting sound.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.] Danny: ...so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera! Joey: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time. Chandler: When did that happen to you?! Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a picture-I didn't have my camera! Chandler: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging. Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.) Danny: Oh, damn! I got it on my pants. Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.) Krista: We'd better take these pants off upstairs or that stain's gonna set. Danny: Yep. (To Rachel) I'm gonna wear these on our date tonight. Rachel: Oh, great! Chandler: Okay, bye! (To the gang.) Oh my God!! Monica: That was unbelievable! Rachel: Okay, see? I told you! Joey: Yeah, wow, sorry Rach. Chandler: I don't believe they're brother and sister. Joey: They're brother and sister!!! [Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe has adorned her bucket with numerous signs. Like "We are not a urinal!" and "I have no Macys info." And other stuff like that. She also has a scowl on her face as she is ringing her bell. A little old lady walks up to make a donation but Phoebe stops her.] Phoebe: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. (The lady opens up her hand.) Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. (She throws the lint away.) What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here! (The lady walks away.) (Another man walks up with a drink in his hand, Phoebe stops him too.) Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! (The guy starts to walk away with a hurt look on his face.) And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! (Her boss and a co-worker walk up.) Hi Bob! (The same old lady from before walks bye.) (To the old lady.) I thought I told you to get outta here! Bob: Uh, Phoebe we've been getting complaints and uh, we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot. Phoebe: What?! Bob: Umm, Ginger's gonna take over this corner. Phoebe: That chick can't handle my corner. Bob: Look, either you leave, or we remove you. Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.) [Scene: Danny's apartment, there's a knock on the door and he answers it.] Danny: Oh, hey Rach! I thought we said seven? Rachel: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it. Danny: What?! Why?! Rachel: Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and... Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister? Rachel: Well, okay, look. I don't know, listen, I don't know what's going on here but let's... Danny: Do-do you, do you have brothers? Rachel: No, I have two sisters. But one of them has a very masculine energy. Danny: Are you close with them? Rachel: No-no, they're not very nice people. Danny: Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us? Rachel: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of... Krista: (calling from the bathroom) Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold! Danny: (seeing Rachel's shocked look) What? Rachel: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later. (Gets up and runs from the apartment.) [Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is there as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day? Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball. Joey: (entering) Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today! Ross: Yay! Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night! Joey: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets! Ross: I guess when you don't have so many distractions, it's easier for you to focus. Huh? Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!! Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me? Chandler: All right. (Takes a copy.) Ross: All right. (Takes another copy.) Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.) (Ross and Chandler start to read Joey's script aloud.) Ross: Hey man. Chandler: What is up? Ross: About yesterday, I was really wrong. I am sorry. Chandler: No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted. Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest... (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart. Chandler: Could I be more sorry. (Looks at Joey.) Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry. Chandler: (To Ross) I'm sorry too. Joey: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going. Ross: (reading from the script.) I am sorry, Chandler. Chandler: I am sorry, Ross. Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end. Chandler: This took you all day?! Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha! Ending Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are about to read another one of Joey's efforts.] Joey: (Reading the scene set up.) Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out. (Monica and Rachel begin to read from the script.) Monica: Hi, how are you doing Kelly? Rachel: I'm doing just fine! God, Tiffany, you smell so great! Monica: It's my new perfume. Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it? (They both start to read ahead.) Rachel: Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick! Monica: This is disgusting! (They both throw the scripts in his face.) Rachel: I'm not reading this! Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
Plan: A: work; Q: What is Ross forced to take time off from? A: Ross; Q: Who encourages Joey to write his own screenplay? A: friction; Q: What does Ross's encouragement of Joey to write a screenplay cause between the three guys? A: Christmas; Q: What holiday does Phoebe become overly aggressive collecting money for the poor in the run up to? A: Monica; Q: Who sets Rachel up with Danny? A: Rachel; Q: Who loses interest in Danny after he and his sister act overly affectionate? A: a date; Q: What does Monica set up for Rachel with Danny? Summary: During his forced time off from work, Ross, bored, encourages Joey to write his own screenplay, ultimately causing friction between the three guys. Phoebe becomes overly aggressive collecting money for the poor in the run-up to Christmas. Monica sets Rachel up on a date with Danny, but Rachel quickly loses interest after Danny and his sister act overly affectionate with one another.
THE HAND OF FEAR BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part One Running time: 24:50 [SCENE_BREAK] ROKON (OOV.): Eldrad, the traitor, destroyer of the barriers, sentenced to obliteration. Eldrad. ROKON (OOV.): Command to Dome Six. Command to Dome Six. ROKON (OOV.): Central Command to Outer Dome Six, report. Module status report immediately, Technic Obarl. ROKON (OOV.): Technic Obarl! Technic Obarl! ZAZZKA: Commander Zazzka here. Technic Obarl no longer operational. Orb temperature continues to fall. ROKON (OOV.): Report module status, immediate. ZAZZKA: Obliteration module on course and normal function. Now nineteen spans into mission. ROKON (OOV.): Computed time to detonation. ZAZZKA: Obliteration module will reach designated detonation point beyond all solar systems in six spans, approximate. ROKON (OOV.): Commander Zazzka, what is the barrier condition? ZAZZKA: Deteriorating. ROKON (OOV.): The north has already fallen. When the south barrier collapses, temperature loss will intensify. ZAZZKA: Then surface operations will no longer be possible. ROKON (OOV.): Confirmed. These are new orders. The module is to be triggered now, before control is lost completely. ZAZZKA: But King Rokon, sire. Total obliteration of the traitor Eldrad was ordered. ROKON (OOV.): Yes, yes. ZAZZKA: Computations indicate that at nineteen spans, there is still a one in three million chance of particle survival. ROKON (OOV.): We have no choice, Zazzka. Carry out new orders. ZAZZKA: Affirmative. ZAZZKA: Obliteration module destroyed. Awaiting further orders. ROKON (OOV.): Evacuate observation dome. Immediate. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Oh. Listen, I don't want to make any snap decisions, but this isn't South Croydon. DOCTOR: What? I can't hear you for the siren. SARAH: This isn't South Croydon! DOCTOR: All right, there's no need to shout. Hold this. DOCTOR: Now watch. SARAH: Good for you. DOCTOR: Is it nice in South Croydon? SARAH: What? It's a paradise compared to this dump. I bet we're not even on Earth. DOCTOR: Well, maybe the season hasn't started yet. SARAH: What? DOCTOR: Do you have a season in South Croydon? SARAH: Come on, where are we? DOCTOR: We're in a quarry. SARAH: Yes, I know we're in a quarry, but where? DOCTOR: Well, how do I know? I don't know all the quarries that DOCTOR: Maybe he knows. ABBOTT: Get out of it! Go on, get out of it! Quick! Get out of the way! No, Mike! Mike, no! DOCTOR: Maybe he knows South Croydon. Does he look as if he comes from South SARAH: What? Siren! Run, Doctor! ABBOTT: How the blazes did you get in here? DOCTOR: What? ABBOTT: Didn't you see the signs, the flags? Well, you must have heard the hooter. Are you all right? DOCTOR: My friend's under that. ABBOTT: Oi, you lot! Get down here! And get an ambulance! ABBOTT: Look, I don't want to sound heartless, but, well, I'm not taking responsibility. You had no right in here. SARAH: Ow. I can't move. Doctor! Doctor, please, help. Doc. QUARRYMAN: I think she's over here. DOCTOR: Steady, steady. DOCTOR: She's here. Now, gently, gently. ABBOTT: Mind how you go. Could be something else down there. QUARRYMAN: Keep it coming. Here we are, that does it. ABBOTT: Is she all right? DOCTOR: She's still breathing. ABBOTT: What? DOCTOR: I said, she's still breathing. ABBOTT: What on Earth? She won't let it go. DOCTOR: Never mind about that. Get her off to the hospital, and quick. Come on. ABBOTT: You ought to get yourself seen to, mate. DOCTOR: Yeah. I'll talk to you later. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ow! INTERN: Did that hurt? DOCTOR: Oh no, no. INTERN: Wonderful thing, pain. Without pain, no race could survive. DOCTOR: I'm well aware of that. INTERN: Autonomic defence mechanism. DOCTOR: Yes. Tell me, how's Miss Smith? Sarah Jane Smith. We came in together. INTERN: She is still unconscious, but there's no need to worry. We have found no serious physical injury. DOCTOR: Paralysis? INTERN: Not as far as I know. You are a doctor yourself? DOCTOR: Well, sort of, yes. INTERN: How do you do? INTERN: Tell me, where did you qualify, if I may ask? DOCTOR: A place called Gallifrey. INTERN: Gallifrey? No, I've not heard of it. Perhaps it's in Ireland. DOCTOR: Probably. Look, could I see Miss Smith, please? INTERN: I'd like you to take a look at Miss Smith. [SCENE_BREAK] INTERN: Thank you, nurse. INTERN: She is still in shock. She's not under sedation. We gave her just a simple anti-tetanus. DOCTOR: Anti-tetanus? INTERN: Yes. If you care to examine your friend's left hand and forearm, you will find there's considerable muscular contraction. DOCTOR: Yes, you're right. Solid as a rock. INTERN: Just in the hand and forearm. Perhaps it's a psychological reaction to stress, and the object to which she was holding on to. DOCTOR: Did you see it? INTERN: No. It was sent direct to Doctor Carter in the path lab. Our concern here is with the living. DOCTOR: Hmm. Where is the path lab? INTERN: Just follow the signs saying pathology. DOCTOR: Will you let me know when she comes round, please? INTERN: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] CARTER: Histology, that's what you need. DOCTOR: What do you think of these plate, Doctor? CARTER: Oh, not much. There's no tissue differentiation. No blood, no muscle. No indication of any living organism whatsoever. You see, you usually get some idea of structure from a fossil, but with this there's nothing. Ah, now look at this. DOCTOR: Yes, it's beautiful. CARTER: Yes, but it has nothing to do with clinical pathology. DOCTOR: Does that crystalline lattice remind you of anything? CARTER: It's geodetic, that's about all. As I say, what you need is a histologist or a geologist. DOCTOR: It's silicon based. CARTER: I'm sorry? DOCTOR: So how many living forms do you know with a silicon based molecular infrastructure? CARTER: None. If it was, it would be made of stone. Oh, I think this is some kind of elaborate hoax. Always dreaming up something, you know, students. DOCTOR: Have we got access to an electron microscope, Doctor? CARTER: Why, what do you think it is? DOCTOR: I don't know yet, but it's no hoax, Doctor Carter. [SCENE_BREAK] CARTER: Great Scott. You must have pulled a few strings to get hold of this. Virology usually hangs on to it like grim death. What did you tell them? DOCTOR: I said we were investigating certain extraterrestrial possibilities. CARTER: Such as? DOCTOR: Such as viral infection on this planet. CARTER: You're not serious, are you? DOCTOR: Yes. I admit it's a fairly remote possibility. Viruses can survive, though not for a hundred and fifty million years as far as we know. Now this thing was found embedded in a stratum of blackstone dolomite. CARTER: What? DOCTOR: Jurassic limestone. CARTER: You mean it's been there for a hundred and fifty million years? DOCTOR: Yes. CARTER: How did it get there? Man didn't exist in Jurassic times. DOCTOR: That's true. Would you prepare me another slide, please? CARTER: Oh, sure. DOCTOR: I think the answer might lie in the quarry. CARTER: Well, good luck. CARTER: What the devil do you think you're. Miss Smith! Are you feeling better? SARAH: Eldrad. Eldrad must live. WOMAN (OOV.): It is his will that all shall obey. None must interfere. [SCENE_BREAK] ABBOTT: Yea, well, this is the stratum it came from, here. DOCTOR: Did you find anything else in the rubble? ABBOTT: If there was anything else, it must've been here a hundred and fifty million years. We often get ammonite shells and things, but DOCTOR: Any plastic? ABBOTT: Plastic? DOCTOR: Yes, plastic. ABBOTT: You're joking. DOCTOR: No. Spaceships can be made of plastic, ceramic, metal. ABBOTT: A spaceship all that time ago? DOCTOR: Yes. Lifeforms don't all exist at the same time, you know. ABBOTT: So you reckon this fellow copped it in a crash, like? DOCTOR: Unless, of course, it just came fluttering down by itself. But why? And from where? ABBOTT: Yeah. Well, I'll let you get on with it then, eh? DOCTOR: Yes. And where was it going? [SCENE_BREAK] CARTER: Reception? Doctor Carter here. Now listen. The dark haired young woman wearing some pink-striped overalls. Yes, pink-striped overalls. Yes, just like Andy Pandy. Well, she's on her way out. She's stolen something from my lab. Well, hold her, will you, and call the police. What do you mean, she left an hour ago? Why, it's only just a few. Good grief. CARTER: Right. Thank you. DOCTOR: Carter, you haven't seen Miss Smith, have you? CARTER: Yes, I have! DOCTOR: Good. Where? CARTER: Tell me, does she normally go around knocking people out? DOCTOR: Eh? What do you mean? CARTER: Well, she was standing over there and when I spoke to her she turned round, said something like somebody must live, then there was a flash and I, I don't remember anything else. But she's stolen the hand. DOCTOR: What? You mean she hit you? CARTER: Well, I suppose she must have done. I've been on to reception. They're looking for her. DOCTOR: Yes, of course. CARTER: Did you find anything at the quarry? DOCTOR: What? CARTER: Did you find anything at the quarry? DOCTOR: No, no, negative evidence. No fragments, which means whatever it was didn't crash. But we can see from the fracture lines on this sample there was an explosion. CARTER: If there was an explosion it was millions of years ago. DOCTOR: Yes, and probably millions of miles away. Intriguing, isn't it? CARTER: Yes, but it still doesn't explain why your Miss Smith should want it, does it. DOCTOR: Perhaps it wanted Miss Smith. CARTER: What? DOCTOR: Well, she's the only human being to have had any contact with it for any length of time. Probably the only living organism to have had any contact with it since the event. CARTER: It was petrified. Totally inert. Dead. DOCTOR: Inert, yes, dead, maybe not. CARTER: I thought there was a strange type of subatomic structure to the crystal formation. A bit like a double helix, you know. DNA molecule. CARTER: Great Scott! DOCTOR: What is it? CARTER: It's changed. DOCTOR: Eh? CARTER: What's happened to the electron charge? DOCTOR: You mean it didn't look like that before? CARTER: No. DOCTOR: You know what I think? CARTER: What? DOCTOR: I think your sample's been quietly absorbing radiation from the machine. CARTER: Absorbing radiation? DOCTOR: Yes. Regenerating itself. Let's hope it hasn't absorbed enough to be dangerous. Put it somewhere safe, Carter, away from any further radiation. CARTER: Right, will do. DOCTOR: Carter! CARTER: What? DOCTOR: Where's the nearest nuclear reactor? [SCENE_BREAK] GUARD: Stop or we fire. TECH: Hey, miss. MAN (OOV.): Emergency, emergency. All personnel proceed immediately to your safe areas. Proceed immediately to your safe areas. This is not an exercise. MAN (OOV.): Repeat, this is not an exercise. I will repeat that. Emergency, emergency. All personnel proceed immediately to your safe areas. Proceed immediately to your safe areas. This is not an exercise. Repeat.
Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is with Sarah when she discovers a stone hand? A: blasting operations; Q: What is going on in the quarry when the Doctor and Sarah arrive? A: a stone hand; Q: What does Sarah discover when she is buried under rubble? Summary: The Doctor and Sarah arrive in a quarry during blasting operations and when Sarah is buried under rubble, she discovers a stone hand.
Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller [Scene: Central Perk] Rachel: You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her first cookie. Joey: Her first cookie? She has cookies all the time! Rachel: I've never given her a cookie. Have you? Joey: No! No... and, for the record, I've also never given her a frosting from a can! Monica: Hey Rach, the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation and we were wondering if you would write one for us. Rachel: Of course, I'd be honored! Chandler: Thanks! Monica: Thank you! (Joey looks at them, disappointed about their decision) Joey: U-U-Um, I think there's been an oversight. Chandler: Joey, we would've asked you, we just thought you wouldn't be interested. Monica: Yeah, it's just we don't think of you as really being so much "with the words". Joey: Whoo-weh hey weh-hey whoo hey!! Monica: Clearly we were wrong. Joey: I gotta a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, ok? And I know how much you wanna have a baby, you know, and I would love to help you get one. Monica: You know what? Then, Joey, we want you to do it. Joey: Thank you! Alright, let me see how I'm gonna start... "Dear baby adoption decider people..." Chandler: So excited about your letter! (Phoebe enters) Phoebe: Hey! All: Hey Phoebe! Joey: Hey! Monica: Wow! Don't you look nice?! Phoebe: Yes, I do! Today is Mike and my one-year anniversary. Rachel: OH! What's it the anniversary of? Your first date, your first kiss, first time you had s*x... Phoebe: YEAH! Chandler: So you must be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate? Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ehm, a Knicks game. Joey: Uhm... Aren't you a little overdressed? Phoebe: Hey, you know what, I've never had a one-year anniversary before, so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy pants, and... I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry and we're gonna have s*x in a public rest room. Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have s*x in our bathroom! Chandler: That's where people make number two!! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross is grading papers. Charlie approaches him.] Charlie: Hey! (They kiss and cuddle a little) Ross: Hey... Charlie: So, you know... I have a little time. If you... if you want to... Ross: (surprised) Oh... (he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers. Charlie: Fine, it's fine... (she whispers) I'll just shower by myself... Ross: (Writing on the papers) B, B, B, B, B! Charlie: Oh, Ross, you gave a B to a Pottery Barn catalogue. Ross: Well, it had some good ideas, take off your shirt. (they start kissing but someone knocks at the door) Ross: Damnit! Amy: (yelling from outside) Rachel!! Open up!! It's your sister!! (she knocks on the door again) I have to talk to you!! Ross: (he opens the door) Hi Amy! Amy: You're not Rachel. Ross: Still sharp as a tack! Amy: Um... Charlie, this is Rachel's sister Amy. Amy, this is Charlie. Charlie: Hi! Amy: Hi! Charlie: Nice to meet you. Amy: H-Hi!!(to Ross) And you are...? Ross: (pause) Ross? I... I grew up on your block! We had Thanksgiving together last year... I had a baby with your sister! Amy: (looks confused) N-no... uhm... did I buy a falafel from you yesterday? Ross: (gives up) Yes, yes, you did. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment] (Ross enters the apartment with Amy) Ross: Hi Rachel! Here's your sister Amy! She thinks I need pec implants! Rachel: Amy! Hi! Oh-oh-hoh! (they hug) Wow! You remember Joey? Amy: Yeah! Hey, sure! The "Days of Our Lives" guy! Joey: That's right, yeah. Amy: You're not good! Joey: Always nice to meet a fan! Rachel: So now, what are you doing here? Amy: Well, I have huge news. Rachel: (Emma starts crying in the other room) Oh sorry, hold on. Let me just check on the baby! Amy: Wait, this is important! Can Ella wait? (Rachel goes to Emma) Ross: Ehm... Her name is Emma. Amy: Why did you change it, Ella was so much prettier! Ross: What do I know? I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart! Amy: Hey, your English is getting better!! Ross: (to Joey) Oh my God! Joey: I know, she may be the hottest girl I've ever hated. Ross: What... what you working on? Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so... Ross: Why don't you use your Thesaurus? Joey: What did I just say? Ross: Watch. (he takes the laptop) Here, you ehm... You highlight the word you want to change. Go under Tools and the Thesaurus generates... 'gives'... 'gives' a whole list of choices. You can pick the word that sounds smartest. Joey: Oh my God, that's great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... (he uses the Thesaurus) "brainy, bright, clever", I love this thing! Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!! [Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel is attending to Emma. Amy is standing behind her.] Rachel: God! Amy: So beautiful. Rachel: Oh, I know, isn't she? Amy: No, I was talking about your bedding. Rachel: All right. What's your news, Amy? Amy: Oh! Um... Well... I'm getting married. Rachel: What? Oh my God! To who? Amy: This guy! He has a killer apartment. Rachel: A-And?? Amy: A-And it's on Fifth. And the elevator opens up right into the living room. Rachel: No, what's he like? Amy: Oh! He's ok. Do you remember my old boyfriend Mark? Rachel: Yeah. Amy: It's his dad. Rachel: Huh... wow, so he's gotta be... Amy: Old? Yeah! But he travels a lot, so he's hardly ever there. Rachel: Sweety, I gotta tell ya... it sounds a little bit like you like the apartment more than you like... Amy: Myron. Hmm... I told you he was old! Rachel: Oh... sit down, sit down. Oh, honey, you know, I once also almost married somebody that I didn't love. Do you remember Barry? Amy: Humpf, remember him? How we used to make out all the time after you went to sleep. Rachel: Sometimes just nodding is ok. (pause) Uhm, so but anyway, listen, not marrying Barry was the best decision that I ever, ever made. Honey, you deserve true love. Your soulmate is out there, somewhere. Someone that is your age, that is smart, that is fun and that you care about! Amy: (thinks about it) You're right, you're right! I'm gonna do it! Rachel: Ok. Amy: I'm gonna marry Myron and keep looking for Mr Right. Rachel: Ok, let's keep talking. [Scene: Madison Square Garden. Mike and Phoebe are walking to their seats.] Phoebe: Excuse me, anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. (looking at her ticket). Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they're in my seat. It's my anniversary. (to Mike) Here we are! (Mike nods). Can't believe it's been a whole year! Mike: I know. This has been the best year... (the crowd starts cheering so he starts yelling) THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE! Phoebe: ME TOO! I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD LOVE SOMEONE THIS MUCH! Mike: I FEEL THE SAME WAY! Phoebe: YOU'RE SO GENEROUS AND KIND AND (crowd stops cheering) YOU'RE AMAZING IN BED (everyone hears it and stare at them.) (to everybody) IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY! Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the score board. Someone has a special question to ask. (on the screen there's written 'Julie, will you marry me?' and goes on to show a guy kneeling down in front of a girl holding out a ring to her) Phoebe: Oh how lame... oh, it's so tacky, and impersonal. Mike: Really? Phoebe: Oh, it's the worst way to propose! Mike: (looks strangely shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes what she did). [Scene: Monica's apartment. Joey enters the room] Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at p0rn. Chandler: (reading) I don't... uh... understand. Joey: (sounding very proud of himself) Some of the words are a little too sophisticated for ya? Monica: (also reading it) It doesn't make any sense. Joey: Of course it does! It's smart! I used the the-saurus! Chandler: On every word? Joey: Yep! Monica: Alright, what was this sentence originally? (shows the sentence to Joey) Joey: Oh, 'They are warm, nice, people with big hearts'. Chandler: And that became 'they are humid prepossessing Homo Sapiens with full sized aortic pumps...? Joey: Yeah, yeah and hey, I really mean it, dude. Monica: Hey Joey, I don't think we can use this. Joey: Why not? Monica: Well, because you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani (Joey makes a 'and-what's-wrong-with-that' look). Hey, why don't you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself! Chandler: You know what? You don't need a thesaurus, just write from here, (points at his own heart) your full sized aortic pump. [Scene: The corridor. Amy knocks Joey's door and Rachel opens the door.] Rachel: Amy, hi! Amy: I took your advice, I left Myron. Rachel: Oh, good for you! Amy: I know! I'm Erin Brockovich! Rachel: Yes you are! Oh, I am so proud of you! Amy: Thank you! So, can I stay with you? Rachel: But Erin Brockovich had her own house. (Joey comes out of Monica's apartment and sees Rachel and Amy but does not notice the huge amount of bags) Joey: Ah, look who's back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS? Amy: Well, I'm staying with you guys! Joey: What? Amy: We're gonna be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey, snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come on! [Scene: Joey's apartment. Rachel is in the living room and Joey comes out of his room.] Joey: You slept out here? Rachel: Yeah... Amy kept kicking me in her sleep yelling 'Myron, get off!' Joey: But uhm, we're getting rid of her, right? Rach, please tell me we're getting rid of her. Rachel: Joey, I can't do that! Joey: Oh, come on! Last night I was finishing off a pizza and she said (aping Amy badly) "Uoh oh oh, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!" I don't need that kind of talk in my house! Rachel: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she's difficult, but I think it's really good that she's here. Joey: 'Cause we will appreciate it more when she's gone? Rachel: No, it's just... look, you know, when I first moved to the city I was a lot like her! I was spoiled, self-centered and you guys really took care of me. Joey: Yeah, Monica made us! Rachel: Well, uhm... whatever, I have really appreciated it, 'cause I don't think I would be the person that I am today if it wasn't for you guys. See, I wanna help Amy the way you guys helped me. And I know it's gonna take patience, but that's ok. Amy: Good morning. Joey: Yeaah. Rachel: Amy, that's what I was supposed to wear today, that's why I hung it on the door. Amy: Oh, sweety, you can't pull this off. Rachel: Amy, you know what? I was thinking that maybe now it'd be a good time for us to sit down and, you know, talk about your future. Amy: Oh, I can't, honey. I'm gonna go get my eyebrows shaped. (points at her eyebrows) I am not happy. (to Joey who has a pizza box in his hands) Oh... sure you wanna eat that? Joey: (yelling at her) I'M CURVY, AND I LIKE IT! [Scene: Monica's Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room] Phoebe: Hi. I just had the worst anniversary ever. Chandler: I doubt that! Tell her about us last year. Monica: Oh, well, I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a rap song. Ross: Seriously? Chandler: Word! Phoebe: Well, mine was worse than that. Rachel: Well, what happened? Phoebe: We were at the game, and this guy proposed to his girlfriend on the big screen thing... Rachel: Oh, that is so tacky. Phoebe: Well, that's what I said, but it turns out, Mike was planning on proposing to me that same way last night! Monica: Oh my God, Mike was gonna propose? Rachel: Phoebe, that's huge! Ross: Well, do you wanna marry him? Phoebe: Yeah, I really do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me, I don't think he's ever gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and now this! Chandler: She's right! If I were a guy and... (stops himself mid-sentence...everyone stares at him) Did I just say if I were a guy..? Monica: Maybe you don't need him to propose to you, maybe you can propose to him! Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know, isn't that a little desperate? Monica: I proposed to Chandler! (Phoebe stops herself from laughing) Alright, moving on... Chandler: Oh, I don't think it was desperate, I think it was amazing! Monica: Thank you. Phoebe: (To Rachel and Ross) Well, do you think I should propose? Rachel: I think it could be kind of great! Ross: Absolutely! You'll love the feeling! There's nothing like it! Phoebe: Ok, ok, so how should I do it? Monica: How about at a game, on the big screen? Rachel: (Sarcastically) Uuuh!! How about at a Footlocker? (claps her hands together, faking excitement) Monica: What? what? He obviously thinks that's a nice way to be proposed to, plus he'd never suspect it! Phoebe: Yeah, that does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two (points to Ross and Chandler) like that? Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think? (Amy walks in carrying a phone handset) Amy: (To Rachel) Nana is on the phone (Hands the phone over to Rachel) Rachel: (Takes the phone) Oh! That's interesting, since she died seven years ago!! Amy: She did? Who got her condo in Boca? Rachel: (Into the phone) Hello? (announces to Amy) Oh, it's our nanny! (goes back to the phone conversation) Hi! Oh... God! I hope you feel better! Ok, bye! (Hangs up) (To Ross) That's Molly, she's sick. Can you watch Emma today? Ross: No, I can't. I have back-to-back classes. Did Molly say what she had? Because my throat's been hurting? Rachel: Menstrual cramps. Ross: I don't think that's what this is. Rachel: (To Monica, Chandler and Phoebe) Can any of you watch Emma? Monica: No, sorry sweety.. Phoebe: No, I've got work and then I'm proposing.. Rachel: (To Ross) Great, shoot, what are we gonna do? Amy: Well, I can do it. Rachel: (Thinks for a moment) Well, actually... Ross: (He interrupts her immediately, and drags her by her arm to the other side of the room) Well, can I talk to you for a sec.? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: Um, I do not want her baby-sitting our child. Rachel: Why not? Ross: Well, for one thing, she keeps calling her Ella! Rachel: (Defends Amy) Wha.. well, Ella's a nice name! Ross: Fine, we'll call the next one Ella. Rachel: (Shocked) Wha... the next one? Ross: (a little confused) Okay, um... I don't want her watching our baby. Rachel: Ross, I am trying to help her become a better person. This is a huge breakthrough for her! She just offered to do something for another human being!! Ross: I... I don't know.. Rachel: Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows (points at her own to emphasize the word) shaped to do this alright? Do you understand how important that is in our world? (Amy approaches from behind) Amy: um... listen, I couldn't help but overhear... 'cause I was trying to... Listen, let me do this alright? I really wanna help you guys out, and plus Rachel's been so wonderful to me... (looks at hem pleadingly) (Rachel looks at Ross and her agrees silently) Rachel: Absolutely. Amy: (very excited) Oh! Great! So how much does it pay? (Ross just gives up and leaves) [Scene: Central Perk. Joey is inside, Chandler and Monica walk in.] Chandler: Hey Joe! How's the second draft of the letter coming? Joey: Great, I'm finished! In fact, I just dropped it off at the agency. (Chandler and Monica look shocked) Monica: You dropped it off? Joey: Yeah. Chandler: Can we read it? Can you print out another copy? Joey: No can do amigo. No, I didn't use the computer. Felt more personal to hand-write it. (Chandler and Monica look even more shocked) Monica: You hand-wrote it? Joey: Yeah, and don't worry. I didn't try to sound smart at all! See ya later! (Leaves) Monica: Oh my God, oh my God, that letter is gonna go in our file! We're never gonna get a kid. No, we're gonna be one of those old couples that collects orchids or has a lot of birds! Chandler: It's ok, it's ok. You know what? (Takes out his mobile) I'll just call the agency and tell them to throw out the letter. (starts dialing) Monica: Okay good. Chandler: (on the phone) Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Somebody just dropped off a handwritten recommendation letter, and.. (listens) Uh-huh... Uh-huh... okay... thank you. Good-bye. (hangs up looking very confused). Monica: Ugh, we're screwed, aren't we? You know what? Just tell me on the way to the bird store. Chandler: (Still looks confused) They loved it. Monica: What? Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter. Monica: (surprised) They thought Joey was a child? Chandler: She guessed 8, 9, based on his drawings. (Amy comes in with Emma in a stroller) Amy: Hi! Monica: Hey, what did you guys do today? Amy: Ella wanted to go out, so we went shopping and got some sushi. Chandler: That sounds like fun. Amy: Yeah, not really. Babies are dull. (Rachel comes in, sees Amy and Emma) Rachel: (To Emma) Hey! Hi, how's my girl? Amy: I'm fine! And, I got you a present for letting me stay with you. Ready? Rachel: (sounds excited) Yeah! (Amy takes off Emma's hat) Amy: Ta-daaa! (Rachel looks at Emma) Rachel: (not excited anymore) You pierced her ears!? Amy: (Very excited about it) Doesn't it make her nose look smaller? (Rachel looks very shocked) [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: You pierced her ears? How could you do this without telling me? Amy: Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn't have been surprise, now would it? Chandler: I think she looks cute. (Rachel turns around and stares at him angrily) ... but I am wrong! Rachel: Oh my God, Oh my God, here comes Ross. He's gonna flip out. Amy: Why, did something happen to his falafel cart? Rachel: Ugh. (takes the hat and covers Emma's head and half her face with it) (Ross enters) Ross: Hey guys. Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross. Ross: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries to stop him). Rachel: Nah, I don't really want her to see. Ross: Why not? Monica: Because there are so many terrible sights in this world. Chandler: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat? Ross: Come here (Removes Emma's hat) Oh! There she is! Hi! (Rachel looks worried) Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What? Rachel: Nothing. Ross: (Back to Emma) Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons. Rachel: Oh, they're real! Ross: Did she (points at Amy) do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her! Rachel: I know, I know, and you were right Ross. (To Amy) You are soo irresponsible I am never letting you baby-sit ever again! Amy: Hey you know what, this kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool fun aunt! Monica: I'm a cool, fun aunt! Amy: (Sarcastically) O-Okay! Chandler: Hey! Monica can be cool and fun at organized indoor projects! Rachel: I can't believe this. All I wanted to do was help you try to figure out what to do with your life and this is how you repay me? Amy: Well, I don't need you to help me, because I already know what I'm going to do with my life. Rachel: Oh yeah? Since when? Amy: Since today... I am going to be a baby stylist. Rachel: (looks at Ross and then at Amy again in disbelief) What? Ross: That's not a thing! Amy: Well, it should be. I'm gonna help babies learn how to accessorize, what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming... Rachel: (shouting) Babies don't care if they're slim. Amy: Enter Amy! Ross: (very angry) Amy, I ju... I just... I just wanna... Amy: What? What are you gonna do? Ross: (pointing at Amy, shouting) No more falafel for you! (Amy looks at Ross, angrily. Rachel clearly doesn't understand what he meant and looks at Ross who gestures "later".) [Scene: Madison Square Garden. Phoebe and Mike are watching the game. There's cheering, but Phoebe seems distracted.] Mike: Great game, huh? Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh... (seems distracted) Mike: Why do you keep looking at the screen? Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going? Mike: Going go to the bathroom. Phoebe: Well, I think you should wait. Mike: Why? Phoebe: Well, if you don't... if you don't hold it in, you don't get all the nutrients. Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the scoreboard. Someone has a special question to ask. (We see the screen where it says: "Mike will you marry me?" and then we see Phoebe and Mike on the screen. Phoebe stands up and kneels in front of Mike.) Phoebe: Mike Hannigan... will you marry me? (Mike looks bewildered) Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered) Phoebe: That's not very enlightened! (There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him) Phoebe: Hey, hey! (shouting) Boo us? Boo you! [Scene: Rachel and Joey's. Joey is in the kitchen and the telephone rings.] Joey: (picks up the phone) Hello? Yeah, this is Joey Tribbiani... Oh, hi! Well, I'm glad you liked my letter... No my mommy and daddy aren't home right now... (looks puzzled) Okay, bye bye. (hangs up) (to himself) She was nice! (Rachel and Amy enter) Rachel: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out! Joey: Whoo-hoo! (and leaves for Rachel's room) Amy: You're kicking me out? Rachel: You put holes in my baby's ears! Amy: Yeah well, at least now people will know she is a girl! Rachel: (gasps) I can't believe I ever even tried to help you. You are so beyond help. Amy: You know what? Ever since I got here, you have been nothing but negative. Rachel: Excuse me? Amy: You didn't want me to marry the old guy with the great apartment. Then, I tried to help your daughter to de-emphasize her flaws (frantically pointing at her nose) And suddenly I am the bad guy? Rachel: (yelling) Joey, where are those bags? Joey: (Yelling from Rachel's room) She has a lot of crap! Amy: You know what? When I moved in here I thought: This is gonna be so great. Just us sisters, back together again like when we were kids, except without that stupid Jill... Oh! Who has gotten fat by the way... Rachel: (doesn't believe what she's hearing) Seriously? Amy: hm-mmm... Mom said she gained like fifteen pounds. Rachel: Hips or thighs? Amy: Ass and face. Rachel: (gasps) Oh! Oh my God! I thought she was on Atkins. Amy: She was. Carbs found her... See, this is what I wanted. Two sisters, talking about real stuff. Rachel: (embarrassed) Oh, I can give you that. Amy: You can? Rachel: Yeah. I just, I kept trying to make you a better person, but you're... you're already a pretty perfect version of what you are. Amy: (touched) Thank you. I've got to admit, Emma does look cute. Rachel: Did you just say Emma? Amy: Ugh, I'm sorry... Ella. [Scene: Mike and Phoebe at a restaurant.] Phoebe: That woman at the game didn't know what she was talking about. Mike, obviously you have balls. Mike: But please, let's just forget the whole thing. Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake. (Mike's face changes from happy to sad, and he looks at the cake, disappointed.) Phoebe: It's in the cake, isn't it? Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin) Phoebe: What's the matter with me? How do I keep ruining this? I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. (Phoebe has this weird, anxious, nervous look on her face) Mike: I'm gonna do this now. Phoebe: Oh my God! (Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.) Mike: Phoebe, I... Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait! (she takes off a ring that was already on her left ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again, but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these off.) Mike: Ready? Phoebe: Uh-huh! (and now Mike kneels properly) Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me? Phoebe: Yes! (Mike puts the ring on her finger) Mike: I love you! Phoebe: I love you more! Mike: Not possible! (they kiss, and then Mike says proudly...) She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls. (They kiss again, and Phoebe looks at the ring.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Amy are walking on the sidewalk.] Rachel: So how is the uhm... baby styling business going? Amy: Not that great. It's almost if people don't want to hear that their babies are ugly. Rachel: That's shocking! Amy: Oh! It's Ross... Hey Ross! (She says hey to the guy at the falafel stand, whose only similarity with Ross would be his black hair.) Hello-oo Ross! (to Rachel) He's rude!
Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who does Monica and Chandler ask to write a letter of recommendation for them? A: Christina Applegate; Q: Who plays Amy? A: Rachel and Rachel; Q: Who is upset when Amy shows up at Ross' house? A: her ex-boyfriend's father; Q: Who is Amy planning to marry? A: Joey's chagrin; Q: What did Joey think of Rachel taking in her sister? A: her life; Q: What does Rachel try to help Amy get together? A: baby-sit Emma; Q: What does Amy offer to do for Rachel? A: Emma; Q: What is Ella's name? A: Emma's ears; Q: What does Amy pierce while babysitting Emma? A: an understanding; Q: What do Rachel and Amy come to when Rachel finds out her sister is now fat? A: Jill; Q: What is Rachel's other sister's name? A: Mike; Q: Who tries to propose to Phoebe on the big screen? A: a restaurant; Q: Where does Mike propose to Phoebe? A: big words; Q: What does Joey try to write the letter of recommendation using? A: a ridiculous degree; Q: How much does Joey use a thesaurus? A: a baby kangaroo; Q: What does Joey refer to himself as in the letter? A: the handwritten letter; Q: What did Joey give to the adoption agency before Monica and Chandler could approve it? A: The agency; Q: Who thinks a child wrote the letter? A: a 43-minute episode; Q: How long was the episode originally? Summary: Rachel's sister Amy (Christina Applegate) shows up at Ross' looking for Rachel and Rachel quickly learns she plans to marry her ex-boyfriend's father. Rachel takes her in, much to Joey's chagrin, and tries to help her get her life together. Amy offers to baby-sit Emma, who she calls Ella, but messes up by getting Emma's ears pierced. Rachel is incredibly upset but eventually her and Amy come to an understanding when Rachel finds out her other sister, Jill, is now fat. Mike attempts to propose to Phoebe on the big screen but Phoebe tells him how lame that is when another couple gets engaged that way. Phoebe tries to fix it by proposing to him on the big screen but Mike gets laughed at. Mike finally proposes at a restaurant and Phoebe accepts. Monica and Chandler ask Rachel to write a letter of recommendation for them to their adoption agency but Joey feels left out. They ask Joey but he tries to write the letter using big words, only for Joey to use a thesaurus to a ridiculous degree (to the point that he refers to himself as a baby kangaroo). He finally re-drafts the letter but gives the handwritten letter to the agency before Monica and Chandler can approve it. The agency thinks a child has written the letter and love it. Note: Originally aired as a 43-minute episode.
[Scene: P3. Phoebe is at the bar. She looks at her watch.] Phoebe: Abbey, maybe you should get Sean another drink. (She looks over at a guy sitting at the other end of the bar.) Abbey: Okay, but that's over the club limit. Phoebe: Yeah, it's okay. We'll get him a cab home. (Piper approaches the bar.) Piper: Prue still hasn't called? Phoebe: Nope. Look at that poor guy. Piper: You think she stood him up? Phoebe: Not deliberately. I just think that since we've been back from pilgrim times, she's been on a demon vender. Piper: You think? You mean, because that's all she ever talks about? Phoebe: Yeah, well, how do we explain this to him? Piper: Abby, better make that a double. I'm gonna coat for him. (She picks up the phone.) Phoebe: Well, speaking of a big chill, is Leo keeping you warm? Piper: Nope. Phoebe: Honey, are you still afraid that they're watching you? (Phoebe giggles.) Piper: What am I supposed to think? The last two times they orbed him out was right in the middle of it. Phoebe: So what does he say? Piper: He swears they're not watching but he's a guy, he'll say anything. The point is I think they're watching and when I think, I can't, I can't, I can't concentrate. Phoebe: Hmm, well, at least you have the option to concentrate. (Piper dials a number on the phone.) If Cole and I continue this flirting tango thing, I'm gonna have to start concentrating on myself. Prue: (in the phone) Hello? Piper: Prue, hey, where are you? Prue: Hey, I'm on my way home from work. Hey, you will never guess what I found on the internet. Remember Micah? Piper: The 17th century hottie? Wow, it's hard to forget. Phoebe: Okay, enough about the past, tell her about the present. Prue: Well, I traced his ancestors and found an entire history of the village that we visited. I figured it might give us a clue to the identity of the demon that the triad sent to kill us. Piper: Prue, honey, aren't you forgetting something? Prue: No, my photo shoot's not until tomorrow. Piper: No, I mean something else. Like, uh, your date. Prue: Oh, oh, Sean, oh. Alright, uh, just give him a drink. Piper: If we give him anymore we're gonna have to send him to an A.A. meeting. Prue: How long's he been there? Piper: I'd say about an hour and 327 peanuts. Prue: Alright, so what do I do? Piper: Well, remorse is good and attendance is better. Prue: Piper, I'm half way across town, besides, I've gotta go home and-and look up all this demon stuff. Piper: Well, can't it wait? Prue: What, and you think the triad will? Right, we have to get them before they get to us. Just tell him that I got hung up at work and that I'll make it up to him. Piper: Alrighty then. (She hangs up.) Phoebe: Is she okay? Piper: Mmm hmm, I guess. (Piper walks over to Sean.) Uh, Sean? Hi, there's been a slight glitch. Uh, sometimes my sister gets hung up and work and she sorta has a one track mind. Sean: It's not a problem, I understand. Tell her just to give me a call. (He leaves.) Piper: Not a problem. (to Phoebe) He took that well. Phoebe: Well, he's had three drinks. Piper: So when does one track spell over into total obsession? Phoebe: When you start forgetting about guys like Sean. [Scene: Manor. Porch. Prue is there. She notices the front door is open. She walks inside. All the mirrors are broken. She steps on some broken glass. She walks into the living room. Someone attacks her from behind and they roll over the couch. Prue uses her power and the attacker crashes through the window.] Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue is sitting on the couch and Piper is sweeping up the glass. Phoebe comes in carrying an ice pack.] Phoebe: Here, sweetie. (She hands Prue the ice pack and she places it on her shoulder.) Are you feeling any better? Prue: Yeah, I think I was more stunned then hurt. You know, it just happened so fast. Piper: It's eerie knowing somebody went through every room in the house smashing mirrors. Touching who knows what. Phoebe: Fondling who knows what. Piper: It's just so creepy. At least nothing seems to be missing. Prue: How do you know it wasn't a demon? Phoebe: Mmm, demons don't usually fondle. Piper: And besides, the only demon that we know who used mirrors was Kali and we vanquished her sorry ass. Prue: Yeah, by smashing her reflection in the mirror. (Darryl comes down the stairs.) I mean, I know she's supposed to be dead but so were the Grimlocks. Darryl: Please don't remind me about them. Piper: Did you find anything? Darryl: Just a bunch of fingerprints that don't match your samples. I'm gonna run it through the computer to see if any names pop up. Prue: They won't. I mean, hello, guys. Book of Shadows, 101 mirrors. The portals through which evil enters. Phoebe: Yeah, but there are finger prints. Demons don't even usually have fingers. Darryl: Well, on the human side of things, I need you guys to put together a grudge list of any enemies you have past or present. (Prue hands him a piece of paper.) Prue: Already done. Darryl: (reading from the list) Abraxas, Barbas, Yama... What did you do? Date the united nations? Prue: It's the demons, warlocks and various evil forces that we've faced in the last two years. Darryl: That's not exactly what I meant. Prue: Okay, um, I'm gonna go get the Book of Shadows and see if I can find anything about mirrors. (Prue goes upstairs.) Phoebe: Prue's been a little fixated lately. Piper: Do you think it was a human bad guy? Darryl: In another house, yeah. Around here, you never know. Prue: (from upstairs) Piper? Phoebe? [Cut to the attic. Prue's there. Piper, Phoebe and Darryl walk in.] Piper: What, what is it? Prue: That door was unlocked. Darryl: So? Prue: So ever since a demon tried to steal the Book of Shadows a couple of weeks ago I've been locking it. Darryl: You lock this door but you don't lock the front door? Piper: I lock the front door. Phoebe: Me too. Mostly. Prue: I don't. Why bother? Darryl: Because you're three young women. In fact, your whole attitude about security baffles me. You have no alarm system, no dead bolts, no dog. Prue: Darryl, we're three witches. I think we can handle it. Darryl: (about the door) It wasn't jammed. Phoebe: So what, you're thinking we're dealing with a lock picking demon, Prue? Piper: It doesn't look like anything's missing from up here either. Phoebe: i just think it's ludicrous to rule out that a human could've done this. Prue: Yes, well, I think it's ludicrous to think that the triad has gotten nothing to do with it. Piper: Um, Darryl, why don't you go check on those fingerprints. We need to have a little conference here. Darryl: Okay. 'Night. Phoebe: 'Night. (Darryl leaves.) Prue: Leo? Piper: Uh, Prue? Maybe a little perspective here for a second. Prue: Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Leo: What? What is it? What is the problem? Prue: I need to know everything that you know about the triad. Leo: You what? (Piper giggles and grins at Leo.) Piper: Hi. Leo: Hi. Prue: Okay, well, this really can't wait. You know, the triad sent somebody back in time and nearly wiped out our entire line. And I am willing to bet that it's the same demon that we found up here a couple of weeks ago. (She picks up the Book of Shadows.) Now, if you guys don't wanna take that seriously that's your business. Me, I'm on a mission. (Prue leaves.) Leo: Oh. Phoebe: We really need to get her laid, huh? (Piper and Leo grin at each other.) Leo: Hi. (Piper giggles. Leo and Piper stand close together.) Phoebe: I think I'm gonna go see what Prue's up to. (She leaves.) Piper: So... [Scene: Triad. Three triad members are standing in a circle. Cole appears.] Triad #1: We've grown patient, Belthazor. We did not expect it to take this long. Cole: You had two years by their time without success. I've had a month. Triad #2: A month with two years worth of information. Information collected by the blood of demons before you. Cole: The young one, Phoebe, is almost within my grasp. Triad #3: That's not why we summoned you. We're assigning another. Cole: You're replacing me? We had a bargain. I get the Charmed Ones for you, you give me back-- Triad #2: That bargain is in your best interests, not ours. Triad #1: Don't look at it as replacement, Belthazor. Look at it as assistance. Triad #2: However, if either of you should be caught, the same maxims supply, we can't risk either of you leading the Charmed Ones to us. Cole: May I know who you're sending? Triad #1: Troxa has already started. [Scene: Manor. Porch. Troxa is there. He turns invisible, opens the door and walks inside.] [Cut to Piper's room. Leo and Piper stumble in. They are kissing.] Piper: Leo? Leo: Piper? Piper: We can't. Leo: Yes we can. (He continues to kiss her. Piper stops him.) Piper: No, I can't. I feel like I'm being watched. Leo: Piper, you have to get past this. Piper: Yeah... (They continue kissing and lay down on the bed. Someone opens the door slightly.) Okay, um, how about you tell them to look the other way? Leo: They're not looking. How many times do we have to have this conversation? Piper: Well, how do you know? How can you be sure? Leo: Because I told you, that's not what they do. Piper: Okay, then how do you explain the last two times, count two. Leo: That's shear coincidence. I'm telling you. Look, come on, Piper, we need to get past this. Piper: Yeah, and I need to feel like it's just you and me and not the whole universe watching. (The door closes.) I'm sorry. Leo: It's okay. I guess I better go find Prue some answers. Piper: Yeah. (They kiss and Leo orbs out in the middle.) Oohh! [Cut to the attic. Prue is asleep in a chair. Invisible Troxa walks over to Prue. He picks up a pillow and holds it above her face. Prue wakes up and uses her power. He flies across the room. She stands up and looks around.] [Cut to the foyer. Phoebe is answering the door.] Phoebe: Cole, what are you doing here? Cole: Are you alright? I just heard. Phoebe: Heard what? (Prue and Piper come down the stairs.) Cole: Uh, about what happened, the break in. You guys okay? Phoebe: You came all the way over her for me? I mean, for w-we? For us? Cole: Did you get a look of who it was? Prue: No. Cole: I'm gonna make a call. Get a patrol car to watch the place. Prue: That's alright, actually. I think that we can handle it. Cole: No you can't. I mean, you have no idea what kind of evil you're dealing with here. Piper: Yes, well, we were actually just discussing that, weren't we, Prue? (The door opens and Cole sees it. It quickly closes.) Phoebe: Um, do you want anything, Cole? Do you want some coffee or something? Prue: Actually, Phoebe, that's not really a good idea. We have something very important that we have to discuss. Cole: That's alright. I-I really should get going anyway. It's late, I, um... Call me anytime. Phoebe: Yeah, I-I-I will. Thanks. (He leaves.) Okay, this better be good. Prue: Yeah, well, I was up in the attic and when I woke up there was a pillow hovering above my face about to smother me. Piper: A pillow? Phoebe: Hovering? (Prue nods.) Well, that must be the infamous pillow smothering demon. Piper: Maybe is was just a nightmare. Prue: It wasn't a nightmare and it certainly wasn't a joke. There's a demon after me or us, I know it. (Prue goes upstairs.) Phoebe: Okay. [Cut to the porch. Cole is there.] Cole: Come out, come out wherever you are. (Invisible Troxa grabs Cole around the neck and pushes him against the wall. Troxa turns visible.) Troxa: What do you think the triad will say when I tell them you saved the witches? Cole: That I didn't want you to get them first. (Troxa lets go of his neck.) Troxa: You had your chances, Belthazor. Don't screw up mine again. I strike tomorrow night, you better not be there. Cole: You don't scare me, Troxa. You never did. Troxa: And you don't know how to defeat me, Belthazor, you never could. After all, (he turns invisible) you can't fight what you can't see. (Troxa pins him against the wall again. He lets go and Cole coughs. He hears someone coming and disappears. Phoebe opens the front door and looks around.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Piper are there. Piper's drinking some coffee.] Phoebe: Can you hand me that? Actually, no, just pour it down my throat. Piper: You didn't sleep either? Phoebe: Not a wink. Thank god for make-up. (Piper pours her some coffee.) Hey, maybe we should get an alarm system. (Prue walks in.) Prue: Hey, Pheebs, did you borrow Grams' necklace again? Phoebe: No. Prue: Are you sure? Phoebe: Yeah, I'm positive. Why? Piper: What about my good luck blouse? Have you guys seen it? Phoebe: The fuchsia paisley one? (Phoebe shakes her head.) Piper: Is anything else missing? Prue: Not that I know of. Phoebe: Prue, this is important. Maybe the guy who broke into the house took them. Prue: Yeah, or maybe it was a demon who took them for some weird ritualistic ceremony? Piper: Ohh... Phoebe: Now would that be the, um, pillow smothering or the lock picking demon? (Leo orbs in.) Leo: They called me ----- something else, Piper. I swear, it's total coincidence. Piper: Mmm hmm. Leo: As far as the triad's concerned, they don't know much, they don't even know what it really is. Prue: Wow, six thousand years of conflict and that's it? These guys are serious underachievers. Leo: What they do know through, is that the triad is at the highest level of the other side. Phoebe: Okay, that's a biggy. Piper: Yeah, well, that's why we need to get to them before they get to us. (Prue hands Piper and Phoebe a bag.) Piper: What is this? Prue: A way to always be prepared. Phoebe: These are very big contraceptives, Prue. Prue: They are sneakers, alright. You know, we're always wearing inappropriate footwear when demons attack. Now we will be prepared. Keep them with you at all times. Phoebe: I am gonna be so fast in these. (The doorbell rings.) [Cut to the foyer. Everyone walks in and Piper opens the door.] Darryl: Hi. Piper: Hi. Darryl: We're making progress. (He walks inside.) The same set of fingerprints were found on all the broken mirrors. Leo: Whose are they? Darryl: Unfortunately FBI computer came up with a blank. Which just means the perp had no criminal record. Piper: So what does that mean? That it's some weird crazy person? Darryl: I can't say, I don't have enough to go on. I mean, we've got broken mirrors and nothing's missing. Phoebe: Actually there is stuff missing. Our grandmother's necklace and Prue's favourite shirt. Darryl: It's funny it's the only thing he took. You know, there is another possibility. Could be a stalker. Leo: A stalker? Piper: Who would want to stalk us? Darryl: Could be anybody. I need you to get a human grudge list together. Old classmates, people you work with or for, old boyfriends... Phoebe: Hey, what about Sean? Prue: A guy I stood up once? I don't think so. Darryl: The smallest things can set these guys off. Prue: Alright, well, if it's a stalker, it's a demonic stalker. Darryl: In any case, I'm gonna check out this Sean guy. I need that grudge list ASAP. Stalkers will do anything to obtain the object of their desire. You could be in real danger. Prue: Thanks. Darryl: Bye. (He leaves.) Phoebe: You need to listen to him, Prue. Prue: Why? No one listens to me. Here. (She hands Piper her shoes.) I gotta go. If the demon doesn't kill me, my editor will. [Scene: Outside Cole's office. An invisible Troxa walks out of the elevator and down the hall. He walks into Cole's office. Cole is there standing by the window. Troxa walks over and picks up a letter opener. Cole turns around holding a fire extinguisher and sprays Troxa. Troxa turns visible.] Cole: I did some research, Troxa. (He hits Troxa over the head with the fire extinguisher and he falls over Cole's desk.) I found your Achilles heal. Cold is very revealing for you. Although, worse because since you can't feel, you don't even know when it's cold. Troxa: First them, then you. (Troxa leaves.) [Scene: Studio. Prue is there with a snake hunter. She is going to take photos of him. He has an Australian accent. (Transcriber's note: This accent is totally fake. We do not talk like that at all. This accent was so bad that it was hard to transcribe. This guy made us look and sound like total idiots. Sorry, I just had to clear that up.)] Prue: Just do what you normally do on your TV show. Okay, just pretend that I'm the audience. Snake Hunter: Okay, right, jillaroo. Now, the Australian Black Snake won't just run out of the bush and strike at ya for no good reason. They strike as a defense mechanism. That's the only way they can protect themselves. Now, you may wonder how we enticed this little beaut out of the wild to join us today. Over here, the only humane way to catch a snake, (He walks over to a cage. Someone is standing behind the bushes taking photos of Prue.) is to use a snake trap. You lure them in with a ripping snake snack. Like a tiny Mickey mouse or a froggie. Prue: Uh, what did you say the cage was for again? Man: Trapping snakes. Or any other varmints you might want to get rid of. Prue: Really? Snake Hunter: Yeah. Go on, beaut. (He puts the snake back in the cage.) There you go. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Phoebe walks up to the bar.] Phoebe: Abbey, Abbey, hi. Abbey: Hi. Phoebe: Have you seen Cole? Abbey: Who? Phoebe: Tall, dark, good looking, district attorney? (Abbey shakes her head.) Okay, no good. How about an easy one - where's Piper? Abbey: Oh, she's in the back, in the office. Phoebe: Okay, thanks. [Cut to the office. Piper and Leo are there making out. Leo has his shirt off. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Whoaaaaa! I should've knocked, I'm sorry. (Phoebe walks back out and closes the door.) Piper: It's okay. (Phoebe pokes her head back in the room.) I can't do it anyway. Phoebe: I am so sorry to hear that Leo: I guess I better go. Piper: Yeah. (Leo orbs out.) I'm so tired of living under this scrutiny. (Piper walks out of the room. They head towards the bar.) Phoebe: Well, I told you I didn't see anything. Piper: Not you, them. I thought doing it somewhere else might take the pressure off. Phoebe: Mmm, I'm bummed for you, Piper, I really am. But I gotta tell you, Leo is looking fine. Piper: I thought you didn't see anything. Phoebe: Well, nothing good. (Phoebe takes some pieces of paper out of her purse.) Okay, here is my stalker list. It's mostly guys that I knew in New York. Piper: Wow, you were busy in New York. Phoebe: Yeah, um, so now that we have mine and yours, all we need is... (Prue walks up to them. She is all dressed up.) Wow, you look different. Piper: Relaxed. Phoebe: What happened? Prue: I'm not just as worried about demons as much anymore. Have you guys seen Sean around? Piper: No, I haven't, but how do you know he's not your stalker? Prue: Oh, don't be ridiculous. Phoebe: What happened to "there's a demon on my ass" Prue? Prue: Well, um, I set a trap. Piper: A trap? Prue: Mmm hmm. We are going to catch this demon and instead of vanquishing him like we normally do, we're gonna make him talk about the triad. Phoebe: So is this like a bear trap with big claws? Prue: I cast a spell over a series of cydarite crystals, (she holds up a crystal) sort of creating a power grid with the Book Of Shadows as bait. Piper: And how does that work? Prue: Well, the minute the demon steps into the grid, this glows and he's zapped. Piper: So whatever it is, is electrocuted. Prue: Yeah, well, whatever demon. Phoebe: Mmm hmm, and what about human? Or feline? You're gonna fry Kit. Prue: Well, Kit can't get in 'cause I locked the attic door. Piper: So, Prue, you've booby trapped our house. Prue: Mmm hmm. Phoebe: And again, what if it's human? Prue: It's not. (She sees Sean.) Oh, alright, if you guys will excuse me, I have a life to try and go give. (Prue walks away.) Piper: This is not good. Phoebe: No, if she keeps this up we're gonna have to do a demon intervention. [Cut to Sean. Prue walks up to him.] Prue: Hey. Sean: Hey. Prue: Thanks for coming. (Abbey walks past.) Um, oh, Abbey, whatever Sean wants to drink, can you just... Sean: No thanks. I've had more then my share of free drinks. Prue: Alright, well, I guess I deserve that. Um, look, Sean, there is so much going on in my life that I can't really explain but if you're interested I'd like to make it up to you. Sean: I'm definitely interested but I just ask that you be honest with me, okay. One thing I can't handle is games. It drives me crazy. Prue: Psycho freaky crazy? Sean: What? Prue: Never mind. [Scene: Manor. Cole opens the front door.] Cole: Phoebe? Anybody home? (He walks in and closes the door. He turns up the air conditioning. He walks into the living room, picks up a lamp and drops it on the floor. He opens all the windows and then disappears.) [Cut to the attic. Cole appears. He opens the attic door and the windows. He picks up Prue's notepad and looks at it. He sees the Book Of Shadows and walks over to it. He steps into the trap and gets zapped. He falls to the floor.] [Cut to P3. The crystal glows.] Sean: What the hell is that? Prue: Oh, oh, it worked. Sean: What worked? (Prue runs over to Piper and Phoebe.) Prue: Alright, it worked, it worked, we caught our demon, so let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in.] Prue: Alright, we don't really know what kind of demon this is, so we have to go in attacking. Piper, you freeze him and I will tie him up. Piper: Speaking of freezing... it's freezing in here. Phoebe: That's because every window in the house is open. What kind of demon would do that? Prue: Oh, who cares. Has everybody got their sneakers on? (They run upstairs.) Pier: Yeah, yeah. Prue: Alright. [Cut to the attic. They run in. Prue turns on the light. They see Cole lying there.] Piper: Cole? Phoebe: What? Prue: Wait, it could be dangerous. Phoebe: For god sakes, Prue, he looks really hurt. Prue: Phoebe, it's a trap for demons. You do the math. (Phoebe kneels down beside Cole and rests his head on her knees.) What are you doing here? Cole: I came by to see how you're doing. Phoebe: Are you okay? Prue: So how did you get in and what are you doing up here? Cole: Front door was unlocked and when I saw the windows were open... Phoebe: You thought that someone broke into the house again. (Cole stands up.) Third degree over now? Cole: What happened? What's that? Piper: Uhh... Prue: It's a trap. Cole: A what? [Time lapse. Everyone is coming down the stairs.] Phoebe: Cole, I am so sorry. Please forgive us. Cole: I'll take that under advisement. Phoebe: Prue just panicked, she wasn't thinking straight. Prue: The hell I wasn't. Cole: Do you know that your trap is the equivalent of having a loaded shot gun with a trip wire behind your front door? That's illegal. I'm an ADA, an officer of the court. I could have you arrested. Piper: Somebody turned on the air conditioning. Why would they do that? Cole: I'm outta here. (He walks outside and Phoebe follows.) Phoebe: Cole, Cole. I am so sorry. It's just we've been under so much pressure lately. Cole: I'm just glad it wasn't you who did this to me. (He leaves. Phoebe picks up a parcel that is sitting on the porch and takes it inside.) Phoebe: How could you? How far are you gonna let this obsession go, Prue? Prue: Phoebe, listen... Phoebe: No, I'm not gonna listen, Prue. You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney. Prue: How do you know we didn't catch a demon? I mean, think about it, Phoebe. He is always around when something is going on. I mean, look at tonight. Phoebe: You're right, he's a plant. Trying to get close to me so he can kill us. Now is everyone a demon, Prue? You are crazy right now. Piper: Prue? You have a lovely package from Sean. It looks like flowers. Pretty nice for a guy you've blown off twice. (Prue opens the package. The flowers are covered in worms.) Prue: Oh! Piper: Oh, that's disgusting. Look out, look out. (Piper takes it outside.) Phoebe: There's your demon, Prue. I'm going to call Morris. (She leaves.) Prue: Piper, that doesn't really make any sense. I mean, I can not believe I hurt that guy that badly. Piper: Darryl said it only takes a small thing to set them off. Maybe Phoebe's right, maybe you're just not seeing the reality. Prue: Piper, my instincts are almost always right, I have to trust them. Piper: You have to trust them. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't but, Prue, there are other evils in the world and some of them are even human. [Cut to outside. Cole's there leaning against his car. Troxa walks up to him.] Troxa: I warned you, Belthazor. Cole: Hold it, Troxa. Cool your jets. I came to apologise. Troxa: Apologise? For what? Cole: Pissing you off for one thing. I don't wanna be always looking over my shoulder for the rest of eternity. You want the Charmed Ones, they're all yours. Troxa: I don't trust you. Cole: Fine, don't. Just don't blame your failure on me or the triad. (Troxa starts to walk off and turns invisible.) Oh, by the way, the key to getting them is in the Book of Shadows. It's up in the attic. [Cut back inside. Phoebe and Piper are in the living room. Phoebe is slamming shut all the windows.] Piper: Be careful. Phoebe: Oh, you know what? I don't care, I'm just so mad at Prue. I mean, it's one thing to be obsessed, you know, but it's another thing to hurt innocent people. Piper: Okay, but she is trying to look out for us, but there is a triad demon on the loose. Phoebe: I understand that, Piper, but it is not Cole. (Leo orbs in holding a large Hershey's Kiss.) Piper: Oh, honey, that's sweet but not tonight. We all have headaches. Leo: Okay. Phoebe: But feel free to help us close some windows. [Cut to the foyer. Invisible Troxa opens the door and walks up the stairs.] [Cut to the attic. Prue's there closing the windows. Troxa walks in. Prue steps on some glass and then sees Troxa's reflection in the mirror. She uses her power and he flies into the wall. He turns fully visible and pounces on Prue. She pushes him into the trap and he gets zapped. She pulls one of the crystal out of the grid and stops zapping him. Prue: I want you to tell me everything that you know about the triad. Who they are, what their plans are. Answer me. (Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk in.) Troxa: You'll get nothing from me, witch. (She puts the crystal back in the grid and zaps him. She pulls it away.) I am Troxa. I'm not the only agent the triad has sent after you. There is another. His name is Belthazor. (Troxa is engulfed in flames and he disappears in a hole in the floor.) Prue: Alright, what the hell happened? Leo: The triad. Phoebe: Wait, so they know where we live now? Piper: No, they know where he is, or was. All that matters is he's gone. Phoebe: You were right, Prue. I owe you a big apology. Piper: I'm sorry I doubted you but I was worried... Prue: It's alright. Let's just, uh, let's look him up. (They go over to the Book Of Shadows and flip through the pages.) Piper: Troxa, an invisible demon. His weakness is that his ectoplasmic biochemistry is sensitive to cold, may become partially visible. Prue: Wait a second, so if someone hadn't turned on the a/c, opened up all the windows and made it freezing in here, I never would've seen him. Leo? Leo: I don't know anything about it at all. Phoebe: Does that mean we have another guardian angel? Leo: Well, I hope so. From what I've heard about Belthazor, we're gonna need all the help we can get. Piper: What do you mean? Leo: Well, he's infamous. He's a demonic soldier of fortune. He's one of the most evil vile creatures there is. (They flip the pages and find Belthazor.) Phoebe: Wait, that's the demon we say try to take the Book Of Shadows a couple of weeks ago. Piper: So Troxa's right. There's somebody else out there to get us. Prue: Well, at least now we know who he is. Piper: But we're safe for now. So I'm gonna take this rare opportunity to get a good night sleep. Leo: I'll go see what I can find out about Belthazor. (Piper walks over to him.) And enjoy your candy. Piper: Thank you. (They kiss.) Leo: Sure. (She leaves the room and Leo orbs out.) Phoebe: Are you gonna be able to get some rest now? Prue: No, I am way too wired ad also my photo assignment is due tomorrow. (Phoebe picks up Prue's notebook and sees Cole's name written on it.) Phoebe: Cole? Prue: Right, uh, well, I had to fill in something. Phoebe: Do you think maybe tomorrow you could call Cole and apologise to him? Prue: Yeah. [Time lapse. Prue is in the basement developing her photos. The photos turn out to be pictures of herself. Somebody appears behind her and pushes her head in the photo water.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Phoebe are there.] Piper: I've gotta meet Marvelous 3 this afternoon, so I need to get some stuff ready. Can I drop you off? Hello? Anybody home? Phoebe: Uh, yeah, I-I was just thinking there are still so many loose ends. I mean, the broken mirrors, the a/c, the open windows, the dead flowers, the stuff that's missing. Piper: Are you obsessing now? It's over, we were wrong. Phoebe: I know, but those aren't demonic things, they're things that a stalker might do. Like what Morris said. Piper: Well, you told him about Sean, he'll figure it out. Phoebe: Yeah, Sean. Um, where's our copy of the grudge list that we made for Morris? Piper: I left it at the club. Why? Phoebe: I just wanna look it over again. Piper: Okay, well, let's go. Is Prue still sleeping? Phoebe: Her bed is made and her car is not here. Piper: Well, maybe she took her pictures to 415. Phoebe: It's really early. I mean, is 415 even open yet? I'm gonna call her. (Phoebe dials Prue's number.) [Cut to the basement. Prue is tied up in a chair. Abbey is there. Prue's phone rings and Abbey answers it.] Phoebe: It's me, I'm just checking in. Where are you? Abbey: I'm in my car. (The phone starts breaking up.) Phoebe: Hello? Prue, I can barely hear you. Abbey: Yeah, I'm fine, I'll see you later, honey, bye. (She hangs up.) [Cut back to the kitchen.] Phoebe: She sounds fine. Piper: Okay. Phoebe: Okay, let's go. [Cut back to the basement. Abbey hears them leave.] Abbey: Bye bye. It's just you and me now, Prue. Your sisters are gone. (Prue's eyes are red and her vision is blurred.) Prue: What do you want? (Abbey takes off her shirt.) Abbey: Oh, Prue, isn't it obvious what I want, huh? (She puts on one of Prue's shirt.) I wanna be you. What, no way to come back? No confident "I'm the queen of the world" retort? Prue: Abbey? Abbey: No, you're wrong, Abbey's gone forever. She's a loser and you're a winner. And now I'm gonna be a winner too. As soon as I take care of you. (She puts on a black wig.) Did you like the dead roses I sent you? Huh? Do you even know I was the one who broke into your house. I have to be you. Oh, I love wearing your clothes, your things. Makes me wanna be you even more. Beautiful, successful, loved by men. Prue: I have just as much trouble with men as anyone. Abbey: What, you mean Sean? Oh, please. He's not good enough for us. Uh-uh, no, no, I can do better. (She picks up a gun.) Without you around. Now I just have one last question. Last night when I was here, (Prue unties her hands with her power) when I was running away from you, how the hell did you throw me through that door, huh? Prue: Like this. (Prue uses her power and Abbey flies across the room. She uses her power again and pushes furniture on top of her. Prue stumbles up the stairs.) [Scene: P3. The phone is ringing. Phoebe and Piper run in. Piper answers it.] Piper: P3. Darryl: Piper, hey, hey, where's Prue? I can't reach her anywhere. At the manor, on her cell. Piper: That's weird, we just talked to her on her cell. Why? What's going on? Darryl: I've got a match up with the finger prints I got at your house. Piper: Sean? Darryl: No, no, no, no, not Sean. Abbey, your bartender. The one off of your list. Piper: What? Abbey? Why would Abbey wanna hurt Prue? Phoebe: Abbey's hurt Prue? Piper: Hold on. (Phoebe and Piper go into the locker room and opens Abbey's locker. Piper pulls out some photos and a book.) Phoebe: Okay, and that's the kind of perfume Prue wears and the cosmetics that she uses. (Piper flips through the photos. They are all pictures of Prue.) Piper: (reading from the notebook) October 27th, 8:01. Prue leaves the house, gets into car. I love the way she walks so confident, in control. Phoebe: Enters dry cleaners, smiling, the sun catches her hair. So beautiful. Piper: Pages and pictures... (Phoebe touches a photo and has a premonition of Abbey shooting Prue.) What? Phoebe: Abbey, killing Prue at the manor. [Cut back to the manor. Prue is hiding in a closet. Abbey walks in the dining room holding her gun. She walks into the foyer and near the closet Prue is hiding in. Prue astral projects behind her.] Prue: Hey, over here. (Abbey screams and shoots five times at astral Prue. Astral Prue disappears and reappears somewhere else.) Hey, freak, I'm over here now. (Abbey shoots at astral Prue another four times. Prue astral projects back into her body. Prue runs out of the closet and tackles Abbey. Prue tries to escape but Abbey pushes her against a wall. Prue hits her and pushes her on the floor. Prue finds her way into the kitchen and Abbey follows. She points her gun and Prue and shoots. The bullet freezes in mid-air. Phoebe and Piper walk in. Piper grabs the bullet out of the air.) Phoebe: Okay, we're here. Piper: Everything's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be great as soon as I fire her. (Prue uses her power and Abbey flies into a cupboard.) Phoebe: Nice. Feel better now? Prue: Yeah, I'm getting there. Piper: Alright, shake it off. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Marvelous 3 are playing. Prue and Phoebe are at the bar. The new bartender serves them a drink.] Prue: Thanks. Um, Rachel. Can I ask you a question? Rachel: Yeah. Prue: Are you happy? Rachel: Extremely. Prue: Boyfriend? Any career goals? Rachel: Engaged. I'm only doing this until I get my masters in education. I'm gonna be a teacher. Prue: Oh, that's just so excellent. (Prue gives her a tip.) Thank you. Rachel: Thanks. (She walks away.) Prue: You know, you can never be too careful with demons or mortals. Phoebe: So rumour has it Leo is installing an alarm system in the house. Prue: Yeah, I know, and we're gonna have to lock the doors and do all that responsible stuff women should do in the big city. Phoebe: I agree. And we're gonna have to watch out for Belthazor. Prue: Yes, I agree. (Prue sees Cole walk down the stairs.) But first I think you should watch out for him. (Phoebe turns around and sees Cole.) Phoebe: You don't like him do you? Prue: No, I don't... really know him. Do you? Phoebe: No, um, not as well as I'd like to. Actually, you know, I think I'm gonna go see what I can do about that. Prue: Be careful. (Phoebe walks over to Cole. Prue sees Sean across the room and goes over to him.) Hey. Sean: Why do I get the feeling that you're a high maintenance kind of gal? Prue: Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I am. Dance? (Sean accepts and they walk on the dance floor.) [Cut to Phoebe and Cole.] Phoebe: So, still friends? Cole: I hope we're more than that. Phoebe: Do you? Prove it. (Cole pulls her closer and they kiss.) [Cut to the manor. Piper's room. A hot and sweaty Piper and Leo are laying in bed.] Leo: Wow. You are amazing when you concentrate. Piper: And stopped worrying about them. (Piper looks up.) I hope you enjoyed the show. (They giggle and cuddle up to each other.)
Plan: A: the manor; Q: What gets burglarized? A: Piper and Phoebe; Q: Who are concerned that Prue is becoming obsessed with learning about the Evil Triad? A: the Evil Triad; Q: Who is sending demons to destroy the Charmed Ones? A: Darryl; Q: Who tries to convince Prue that the burglary was the work of human thieves? A: the break-in; Q: What does Darryl investigate? A: the suspect; Q: Who is Prue certain is supernatural? A: Cole; Q: Who is upset that the Evil Triad is sending another demon to try and destroy the Charmed Ones? A: a normal, romantic date; Q: What is Piper certain Leo's bosses are behind a ruined attempt of having? Summary: After the manor gets burglarized, Piper and Phoebe become concerned that Prue is becoming obsessed with learning everything about the Evil Triad sending demons to destroy them. When Darryl comes to investigate the break-in, he tries to convince Prue that it was the work of human thieves, but she's certain that the suspect is supernatural. Upon meeting with the Triad, Cole is upset that his bosses are sending another demon to try and destroy the Charmed Ones, despite his assurance he'll destroy them on his own. Meanwhile, Piper is certain that Leo's bosses are behind another ruined attempt of having a normal, romantic date.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] QUINN: Guess where I'm going? CLAY: Please don't say South Africa. QUINN: I got an offer to shoot a job in Puerto Rico. We're saying at the El Conquistador. AUGUST: They still developing those condos at that basketball court of yours? NATHAN: The Rivercourt. Yeah. AUGUST: Two words Snipey Plover. It's a bird. CHASE: All my life, I've wanted to fly. And lately, I've been feeling...A sense of obligation. I needed to take that drug test to join the Air Force. BROOKE: And I took a pregnancy test. We're pregnant. JULIAN: Baby! I knew you could do it. RIVERCOURT Mouth is at the Rivercourt. He is thinking. MOUTH (Voice-over): Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to an historic night of basketball. I'm Mouth McFadden, along with my gamey partner, Jimmy Edwards, and, Jimmy, we're in a for a treat tonight. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan and Jamie take some staff of camping. JAMIE: It's a bird, the Snipey Plover. It's endangered. NATHAN: How do you know these things? JAMIE: I go to school, dad. NATHAN: Well, that's good. You stay in school. Don't do drugs. What else do you know about the stripey plumber? JAMIE: Snipey Plover. It eats insects and worms and stuff, it has orangey legs, and it lives in tall grassy areas, near water. NATHAN: Like the Rivercourt. JAMIE: Yeah. NATHAN: So, you sure they're endangered? JAMIE: Uh-huh. Miss Lauren took us on a field trip, and I remember she said it was endangered right before Chuck threw up a bunch of chocolate milk he chugged on a dare. Why? NATHAN: Because Chuck is an idiot. JAMIE: No. Why does it matter if it's endangered? NATHAN: Because if we can find your Snipey Plover, we can save the Rivercourt. CLOTHES OVER BROS Haley enters in the shop. HOTEL IN PUERTO RICO Girls enters in the hotel. LAUREN: So, wait -- what magazine are you shooting for, again? QUINN: B. Davis. BROOKE: I told her to take it since I'm back at the company. ALEX: But now that... BROOKE: I'm not back yet, but I will be soon. ALEX: But I thought since... I forgot what I was gonna say. QUINN: Anyway, it's not the cover for sure. They have a lot of photographers shooting, and then the best shot wins, so... Have you guys ever stayed here before? BROOKE: No, but I've heard... Great things. LAUREN: Oh, yeah, this'll do. ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS CLINN'S HOUSE Nathan tells Clay he wants to do. CLAY: Camping? NATHAN: Yeah. I figured since training camp got pushed, you could hang with us instead. Except not in that shirt. Who are you, Brian Boitano? CLAY: Brian Boitano won the gold in men's figure skating. NATHAN: That's my point exactly. CLAY: Yeah. The thing is that Quinn's gone, and I kind of made plans. NATHAN: Like what plans? CLAY: Like I dragged my favorite chair up from the garage, put on my favorite shirt that you just made fun of. I have some magazines to read, my laptop, and a cooler full of drinks. NATHAN: Clay, the refrigerator's right there. CLAY: True, but here's something you don't know about me. I love a drink from a cooler, but not just any cooler. The ice has to be melted just right so it's half-ice, half-water, total refreshment. NATHAN: You're really a strange guy. CLAY: I know. NATHAN: No, seriously -- you're stranger than I thought you were. CLAY: You're just now noticing this? I'm a weird dude. I'm an odd duck. Why don't you just have Jamie camp out by the pool? NATHAN: We're trying to find a bird to save the Rivercourt. CLAY: Yeah, I'm not feeling that. NATHAN: Don't make me roll out the secret weapon. (Nathan brought back Jamie) JAMIE: Ple-e-e-e-ase? RIVERCOURT Guys install equipment. NATHAN: Oh, yeah, that'll do. JAMIE: This is gonna be a blast, huh, Clay? CLAY: Yeah, this is real awesome. JAMIE: How come he's wearing mom's shirt? Chase, Chuck and Julian arrive. CHASE: Hey, Skolnick, get back here and carry something! CHUCK: Fine. Geez. CHASE: Snipey Plover! NATHAN: Adams, Baker, and Skolnick - it's like a bad law firm. Thank you. CHUCK: Chuck! NATHAN: Nathan. [ Laughs ] JULIAN: What's up, my fellow ornithologists? CLAY: I'm kind of "hornithologist" with Quinn being out of town. JULIAN: Yeah, Brooke's gone, too. CHASE: Alex, too. I mean...Why would I care if Alex was gone? NATHAN: Nice try. JULIAN: Uh-huh. CLAY: Yep, just hanging out in a swamp with a bunch of dudes looking for an endangered bird while my girl takes pictures of supermodels in bikinis. CHASE: Well, at least you look fabulous doing it, Brian Boitano. JULIAN: You know how those things are from the inside, it's not so glamorous. How much better could it be? BEACH Girls bronze with the sun. BROOKE: This is amazing. LAUREN: Really amazing. BROOKE: I know, right? LAUREN: Hey, what are we gonna do tonight? QUINN: Well, I have to shoot, but then, uh, later we can go to dinner or whatever. ALEX: I vote Sushi. QUINN: Ooh, I second that. And then we could go dancing or have drinks or whatever. ALEX: I vote all three, drinks, dancing, and all kinds of whatever. LAUREN: That sounds perfect. QUINN: Brooke? BROOKE: Sure. Why not? QUINN: All right, well, I better go make sure everything's good. I'll text you guys later. LAUREN: Perfect. BROOKE: Okay. ALEX: Okay. LAUREN: I'm gonna go get some mojitos. You guys want anything? BROOKE: No, thanks. ALEX: Thanks for inviting us, Quinny. BROOKE: Yeah. QUINN: I'm so glad you all could be here. I'll see you later. BROOKE/ALEX: Bye! Bye! (Quinn and Lauren leave) BROOKE: Really? ALEX: What? BROOKE: Drinking and Sushi? ALEX: Ohh, right total bun in the oven. Why don't you just tell Lauren and Quinn you're pregnant? BROOKE: I can't. It's too early, and Julian and I agreed we wouldn't tell anyone yet. ALEX: Well, it's fine. I'm an actress, you can fake it, and I will help you. STREET Millie makes a report. MILLICENT: Whatever happened to honesty, to honor, and to being a good neighbor? Now, I may not look like it, but I am a reasonable person. And every morning I get up, and maybe I'm a little late. So I rush out of my place, and I end up dodging dog poop in my yard. Dog poop. Do I have a dog? No. So I have tracked the irresponsible offenders to this address. This is the Hays residence, and payback is a female dog. Clean up your doggy mess, you mongrels! Curb your dogs, people. It's the right thing to do, and it's the law. I'm Millicent Huxtable, and, boy, am I pooped. JERRY'S OFFICE Jerry has a conversation with Millicent. JERRY: "I'm Millicent Huxtable, and I'm pooped"? Where do you come with this stuff? MILLICENT: I don't know. It just... Comes from my mouth. JERRY: Well, here's the thing they're getting rid of the morning news and they're going with a morning show, and your rants have got their attention. MILLICENT: Really? That's great. JERRY: Tomorrow you're gonna go live again. Okay, now, consider that your audition, but, Millie, they've seen you do funny, and they've seen you do angry. Maybe switch it up a bit, give them something sweet or serious. MILLICENT: I can totally do serious. JERRY: Maybe don't go with the costume. MILLICENT: Got it. CLOTHES OVER BROS Haley put the store in work. BEACH Brooke and Alex go on sand. They join Quinn who will make a photoshoot. ALEX: So pretty. BROOKE: Quinn, this is so cool! ALEX: This is awesome. QUINN: Thank you. Where's Lauren? ALEX: Uh, she went back to the hotel a little bit too many mojitos. Erhn. Ahh, look at how bad-ass you are! This looks amazing. I want to be photographed out here and look awesome. QUINN: Right? BROOKE: Look at all this stuff. I bet you could make anyone look good. ALEX: Hey, Clothes Over Bros fashion shoot? Hello? BROOKE: Not you. I'm just saying, a lot of the models that we used on our shoots were kind of strange-looking in...person. ALEX: Yeah. She's a dog. BROOKE: Wow. TARYN: Quinn? QUINN: Hi. Taryn. TARYN: Hi. QUINN: It's so nice to meet you. I'm such a big fan. Ohh. These are my friends Brooke and Alex. BROOKE: Hi. ALEX: Hi. Alex Dupré. TARYN: Hi. Nice to meet you. BROOKE: Brooke Davis. TARYN: Hi. BROOKE: Holy hell. You are beautiful. TARYN: Oh, thank you. ALEX: Okay, well, you guys have a great shoot, and, um, we'll see you later. Bye. BROOKE: Bye. My God. MOUTH'S APARTMENT Milllie enters in the apartment. MILLICENT: I need a great idea. What are you doing? MOUTH: Hey. MILLICENT: What -- what was that? MOUTH: What? MILLICENT: You were standing on your head. MOUTH: So? MILLICENT: So, why were you standing on your head? MOUTH: I just haven't done it in a while. Have you? MILLICENT: No, but that's a little strange, honey. MOUTH: I know. So, why do you need a great idea? MILLICENT: Because they're doing a new morning show, and tomorrow my live segment is my audition. MOUTH: That's amazing. MILLICENT: Yeah... But they said they've seen me be funny and angry. They want to see me be serious. MOUTH: Then you should do that story on the Rivercourt. It's local, it's timely, and you'll be great. MILLICENT: You'll help me? MOUTH: Of course. Let's get the camera. MILLICENT: It was weird that you were standing on your head, right? MOUTH: Totally. In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird, Millie. I'm an odd duck. RIVERCOURT Guys put a camera to shot birds. CHUCK: So, what's the plan, anyways? NATHAN: We use Julian's camera and roll it continuously. Then we'll take turns switching out the memory cards. Hopefully, that'll get us some footage of the snarling rover. JAMIE: Snipey Plover. JULIAN: Plus, it's a full moon tonight, so we should have plenty of light. CHUCK: That's it? We're just gonna film it? Man, I thought we were gonna catch it. I brought my slingshot! CHASE: Chuck, the Snipey Plover's an endangered species. CHUCK: So? JAMIE: So that doesn't mean you shoot it with a slingshot. CHUCK: Lame. NATHAN: Speaking of lame, where's Clay? BEACH Quinn makes a photoshot with Taryn. QUINN: That's perfect. Now give me "slightly hung over." TARYN: You know, you could have just come to my room this morning. It looked just like this. QUINN: I like that better. You can relax for a sec. TARYN: You know, this is really fun, Quinn. QUINN: You think? I just wanted to do something different than just beach. TARYN: If it matters, it's my favorite so far. QUINN: That means a lot. Thanks. MAN: Mine, too. QUINN: It's good, but, um...It could be better. Better. RIVERCOURT Jamie and Chuck plays near a bulldozer. JAMIE: Better not. CHUCK: I'm just going to check it out. You don't have to climb up if you're chicken. JAMIE: I'm not chicken. CHUCK: Then climb. Pretty cool, huh? JAMIE: Yeah. CHUCK: Hey, check it out. My mom let me borrow her phone for the camping trip. Maybe tonight we can crank-call some people. JAMIE: Caller I.D. CHUCK: So? They'll think it's my mom. No way. JAMIE: Don't what are you doing? CHUCK: I just want to see what happens. JAMIE: Don't do it. (Nathan calls them) NATHAN: Jamie! Chuck! CHUCK: Gotcha! JAMIE: I knew you weren't gonna do it. CHUCK: No duh. You think I'm crazy? RESTAURANT IN PUERTO RICO Girls eats some sushi. QUINN: How good is this Sushi? TARYN: So good. LAUREN: Oh, my God, these mojitos are like liquid heaven. Okay, I think I'm a little buzzed. ALEX: Okay, man at 3:00 wearing a blouse. Don't look yet! Okay, now. (Brooke puts her sushi in her bag) TARYN: Oh, bad choice. LAUREN: Yeah, unless you're Brian Boitano. QUINN: I think Clay has that shirt. LAUREN: Oh, no. RIVERCOURT Nathan comes back with pizzas. NATHAN: All right, now, this is what I call roughing it. CLAY: Snipey Plover. JAMIE: Oh, did you find him? JULIAN: I don't know. We have to download these memory cards and check the footage. But the camera's all set for another four hours. NATHAN: Well, I caught us some pizza in the wild so we can have some dinner. CHASE: Nice. CLAY: Wait -- do you guys know why the Snipey Plover is endangered? It lays its eggs on the ground. I mean, the stupid bird doesn't even build a nest. What? NATHAN: Can I get a drink from your half-water/half-ice cooler? CLAY: It's not so strange now, is it? NATHAN: It's still strange. We're just very thirsty. CLAY: Mm. All right, look. All I'm saying is that this is nature's way of controlling things. It's Darwinism on display. Just build your nest somewhere high, you lazy bird. JULIAN: Who knew male figure skaters were so angry? NATHAN: Clay, we got pizza, beer perfect night. I mean, I know you wanted to stay home, but come on, man. Is there any place you'd rather be right now? CLAY: Puerto Rico. NIGHTCLUB IN PUERTO RICO Girls dance. CLOTHES OVER BROS Haley puts some curtains NIGHTCLUB IN PUERTO RICO Girls drinks some tequila. BROOKE: Ooh, what are those? TARYN: Tequila! ALEX: I can't. I'm sober. LAUREN: Ahh, more for me! QUINN: Right to an amazing day. LAUREN: And a just-starting night. GIRLS: Whoo! Yeah! Cheers! (Brooke thrown her glass behind her) GIRL: Hey! ¿Por qué tú hace? BROOKE: I am so sorry. I'm sorry. I... Brooke get out and find some food. She starts to eat. Quinn joins her. QUINN: Would you like some water to go with that? Hmm? BROOKE: Thank you. QUINN: Congratulations, by the way. BROOKE: For what? QUINN: Well, you're scarfing that down like a homeless person, but you didn't touch your Sushi, and you were tossing your drinks over your shoulder all night, so congratulations on being pregnant? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! BROOKE: It's early, and we haven't told anybody yet. QUINN: I promise when you tell me for real, I'll act surprised. I'm so excited for you and Julian! BROOKE: Thank you. (Lauren arrives) LAUREN: Hey. Has you guys seen my shirt? Huh? Huh? BROOKE: I'm sorry. MOUTH'S APARTMENT Millicent is nervous, Mouth tries to comfort her. MOUTH: Make sure you speak to the fact that it's generational, that small towns are defined by places and things that we sometimes take for granted. MILLICENT: I will. MOUTH: You nervous? MILLICENT: Yes. MOUTH: Don't be. This is your time, honey. HOTEL IN PUERTO RICO Taryn and Quinn bring back Lauren in her hotel-room. QUINN: Here we go. Here we go. LAUREN: Oh! Oh, oh! Hey, hey! Have you guys seen my shirt? QUINN: Oh, you're wearing it, baby. LAUREN: Oh, hey, there it is! QUINN: Yay. All right. Are you sure you're okay? LAUREN: No, no, I am awesome. QUINN: Ohh. Ohh. Okay. You -- TARYN: Yeah. LAUREN: Oh, my gosh, you look just like a model. TARYN: Ohh. LAUREN: Just if you had bigger boobies. TARYN: Ah. Oh! Okay. Thank you. LAUREN: Okay. Night. Nighty night. QUINN: Time for bed. Bye. TARYN: Good night. Bye! LAUREN: I had - bye. I love you. I love you. TARYN: I love you. QUINN: Go to sleep. All right. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. TARYN: She's fun. No, no, no. QUINN: Yeah, she had a blast tonight. Yeah. We all did. Thanks for hanging with us. TARYN: Oh, no problem. I had a great time, and the shoot was amazing. QUINN: Thank you. Okay, I have one more picture request. It's kind of a boyfriend thing. TARYN: Oh, I get it all the time. Let's do it. QUINN: Okay, good. All right. RIVERCOURT Clay receives the photo. CLAY: I should have gone to Puerto Rico. HOTEL IN PUERTO RICO Girls send text to their boy-friends. RIVERCOURT Guys receives their text and Nathan sends text to Haley. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley receives her text. HOTEL IN PUERTO RICO Lauren takes some picture of herself in bikini. LAUREN: Aah! Okay. (Lauren makes fall her cellphone) LAUREN: Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. (She leaves the room and the door is closed. She takes the elevator to go to recover it and meets Taryn) TARYN: Hey. LAUREN: Hey. RIVERCOURT Nathan talks with Julian. NATHAN: You all right? JULIAN: Yeah. I like it like this. Thought I would check the footage and look for our friend, the Plover. NATHAN: Any luck? JULIAN: Nope. Maybe in the morning. It's nice of you to do this spend a weekend trying to help Jamie. I'm sure he appreciates it. NATHAN: Yeah. You know, sometimes I think about when we were kids and the memories I have of my parents and their friends. And then I think, "this is what they'll remember when they look back." You know, these are the days that they'll stories about. That's when I feel like I can do better, that I have the responsibility to try. You know, Jamie's gonna miss you when you leave to New York. He'll miss you and Brooke. We all will. JULIAN: Uh... We're not leaving. Brooke passed on the job. NATHAN: How come? JULIAN: Because she's pregnant. NATHAN: But I-I thought... JULIAN: That she couldn't get pregnant? So did we. But she is. We just found out. I'm not supposed to tell anybody yet, so... NATHAN: You fertile b*st*rd. Wow. JULIAN: I hope it's a girl and that she's just like her mom and that someday, she'll be best friends with Lydia Scott. NATHAN: I'll drink to that. Cheers. JULIAN: Cheers. HOTEL IN PUERTO RICO Quinn gets out, Taryn sees her. TARYN: Quinn! QUINN: Hey! You're up early. TARYN: Yeah, you, too. Where you off to? QUINN: Thought I'd drive around the city and shoot a little, sort of stray from the beaten path, you know? TARYN: Oh, I love that. Well, maybe I'll see you later. QUINN: I hope so. Hey, you want to come? RIVERCOURT Clay and Nathan walk a little. NATHAN: So, how you doing, Evans? CLAY: 800...that's the thread count of my sheets at home. The tent did not get it done last night. NATHAN: You know the thread count of your sheets. Triple salchow right now. When the Rivercourt's gone, a lot of memories are gonna go with it. I used to train with Q there, Jimmy Edwards, my Uncle Keith. It's worth a weekend to try to save that. CLAY: Yeah, I know. The truth is, I wouldn't have missed it. NATHAN: I know. I am thinking about going on a coffee run, though. CLAY: Thank God. I don't understand camping. We have houses. We have beds, showers, flatirons. Julian and Chase talk together. CHASE: So, you must be excited about Brooke's...Thing I'm not supposed to know about. JULIAN: We're totally excited, and we appreciate you not saying anything, even though I might've slipped up and told Nathan last night. CHASE: Mm. I don't know anything about that. JULIAN: So, why'd you have to take a drug test, anyway? CHASE: Well. Since I'm carrying around your secret, I guess you could carry around mine. I joined the Air Force. JULIAN: Wow. That's big. CHASE: Yeah. And I got to leave soon. (Chuck heard the conversation) CHASE: Hey, Chuck, buddy. CHUCK: I want to go home. STREET IN PUERTO RICO Quinn and Taryn are in a car. They see children. QUINN: Sometimes it strikes me how poverty and privilege become silent neighbors and the world just keeps going 'cause it has to. MOUTH'S APARTMENT Millie repeats her speech for the report. MILLICENT: "I'm standing here today on a small piece of history. A small piece of Tree Hill history." RIVERCOURT Chuck is in the Chase's car. He wants to talks with anyone. CHASE: Chuck, just open the door and let me explain. CHUCK: You didn't even tell me! CHASE: I was going to. I promise! Just open the door. CHUCK: You have the keys. CHASE: It's an old car, Chuck. I have the ignition key. I don't have the door key. So, come on. Open up. CHUCK: Just forget it! I want to go home! CHASE: Well, you won't open the door, so...I guess you're stuck in here. PLACE IN PUERTO RICO Quinn and Taryn look at guy who play in dominos. GUYS: Oh! QUINN: How'd you like to do a little work? (Taryn plays with guys) GUYS: Aah! Then Quinn takes a policeman in photo. RIVERCOURT Chase tries to talks with Chuck but he doesn't want. CHASE: I tried talking to him, but he's really upset. JULIAN: He won't do anything crazy, will he? CHASE: We're talking about Chuck here. CLAY: He makes a good point. (Indeed, Chuck starts to drive the bulldozer) JULIAN: Oh, no. Is that...? CHASE: Chuck! Chase tries to stop Chuck but he can't. CHASE: Chuck! Chuck, shut it off! Chuck, shut it off! CHUCK: I can't! I don't know how! JULIAN: Come on. Come on. Come on. STREET IN PUERTO RICO Quinn takes some children in photo. RIVERCOURT Chuck gets out in the bulldozer. CHUCK: I'm sorry. CHASE: Come on. What were you thinking? CHUCK: I didn't mean to! CHASE: Well, for not meaning to, you sure as hell did it! That was really stupid! You know that?! You could have killed yourself or someone else! CHUCK: I just...I don't want you to go. CHASE: Hey. CHUCK: I don't want you to go. Guys contest debris. CLAY: My chair, my half-ice/half-water cooler of drinks. JAMIE: Well, at least we put the shirt out of its misery. NATHAN: What the hell happened? HOTEL IN PUERTO RICO Lauren joins girls to breakfast but she remember of anything of yesterday. LAUREN: What the hell happened? BROOKE: How you feeling, sunshine? LAUREN: Shame. So much shame. BROOKE: Come on. It couldn't have been that bad. LAUREN: Um, I texted semi-nude photos to someone last night. BROOKE: What? ALEX: You slut! To who? LAUREN: I don't know. I lost my phone. BROOKE/ALEX: Oh, no. Oh, no. LAUREN: And I locked myself out of my hotel room in my underpants. BROOKE: Oh, my God. ALEX: Oh, no. That's epic. BROOKE: Who do you think you would have sent them to? LAUREN: Ugh. I don't know, probably Antwon. BROOKE: I'm gonna text him and find out if he got them. LAUREN: No, no, no, please, no. BROOKE: Yes! ALEX: Oh, this is so much fun. LAUREN: You guys, I am a teacher. I have parents' numbers in my phone. Oh, so much shame. Ow. ALEX: Ohh. Oh, honey. RIVERCOURT Chase and Chuck talk. CHASE: I hope you know I was gonna tell you. As a matter of fact, you're the one I was worried about the most. CHUCK: Why? CHASE: Because I'm gonna miss you. Because we're friends. CHUCK: Are you ever gonna come back? CHASE: Dude, of course I'm gonna come back. CHUCK: That's what my dad said. I heard him downstairs, so I got up. He was just opening the door. I said, "hey, dad, where you going? He said, "I'm gonna go get you a new bike, then I'm gonna come back and teach you to ride it." I sat on the porch and waited till it got dark out. And then my mom came and got me. For the longest time, I was sure something happened to him. I didn't know how to feel when I found out he was okay. He just didn't want us anymore. CHASE: That's not gonna happen with me, okay? I'll be back in no time. CHUCK: You promise? CHASE: Promise. CHUCK: I never did learn to ride a stupid bike. Don't tell anyone? HOTEL IN PUERTO RICO Girls talk. BROOKE: I can't...Oh. Well, Antwon says he didn't get any pictures from you, but that he'd like some. ALEX: Okay, maybe you sent them to someone who's next to Antwon in your address book. Let me check mine. LAUREN: Honestly, if it's not him, I don't know who I would have texted. BROOKE: I don't know. ALEX: That would be Antonio Banderas. BROOKE: What? ALEX: You sent Antonio Banderas naked pictures. LAUREN: Semi-naked photos, and he's in my phonebook under "skills." But could I please have Antonio Banderas' phone number? BROOKE: Yeah, me, too. I'll take that. ALEX: Ehh! Oh, no! BROOKE: Oh! LAUREN: Who is next to skills in my phone? RIVERCOURT Guys try to find Snipey Plover. NATHAN: Well! We gave it a shot, jame. We ruined some protected wetlands, but we gave it a shot. JAMIE: Dad, look! CLAY: Hmm. Like I said smart bird, making its nest in the ground like that. Millie prepares for her report. MAN: 20 seconds, Millie. MILLICENT: Thank you for helping me, Marvin. MOUTH: Of course. You're gonna do great. MILLICENT: How many nights in high school did you spend here, practicing to be an announcer? MAN: 10 seconds. MOUTH: I don't know. Pretty much all of them. MAN: Going live in 3, 2, 1... MILLICENT: "I'm standing here today on a small piece of history in Tree Hill. No costumes, no catchphrases just a story about a local landmark that is soon to be erased, developed into condominiums unless something changes. The landmark is called the Rivercourt, and for those who loved it, its absence will be heartbreaking. For more on this story, here's someone who learned his craft here my colleague, Marvin McFadden." MOUTH: "It's been host to authors, NBA players, local legends, and fashion designers. Notable musicians have played here both concerts and games of "horse." And on gentle summer nights as the staccato rhythms of worn leather on fading asphalt mixes with the white noise of the distant nightlife across the Cape Fear, kids have grown up here. I should know. I was one of them. Now development threatens to erase this place. Commerce is commerce. That's not really the point, is it? The truth is, a town's identity is made up of places like this one. And once they're gone, they're gone. Some people who care about this court have uncovered a nest nearby that could be the key to stopping the bulldozers you see behind me. But even so, do we have to find a technicality to preserve our town's history? A lot of lost kids found their way to something better in this park. In a confusing world, at a confusing time in their lives, they found something that made sense here, and they became better people because of it. Surely that is worth preserving. For Millicent Huxtable...Who I love with all my heart, I'm Marvin McFadden reporting. MAN: And we're out. MILLICENT: That was so good. CLAY: Whoo! CHUCK'S HOUSE Chase comes with a surprise. CHUCK: What's going on? CHASE: Well I thought you might want to hang on to this while I'm gone. CHUCK: Cool! Can you teach me to ride it? CHASE: Yeah, absolutely. CHUCK: Man, this is better than those pictures Miss Lauren sent me. CHASE: Yeah, you might not want to tell skills that, Skolnick. CLOTHES OVER BROS Haley makes a surprise to Brooke. HALEY: You got it, there? No peeking. All right, you ready? BROOKE: Okay. It's just like... HALEY: Karen's Café. Karen's Café was always so special to us. Karen made sure of that, and...and you, too, and I just thought, maybe after you move, I'll re-open it and call it Karen's Café. And maybe Jamie and Lydia will feel the same way that we did safe, you know? What do you think? BROOKE: I think that sounds perfect. But it looks like I might be sticking around, so how would you like a partner? HALEY: Of course. I would love that, but what happened? I thought -- why aren't you moving to New York? BROOKE: Because I'm pregnant. HALEY: Are you serious? BROOKE: Yeah. HALEY: Oh, my God! Oh, my... RIVERCOURT Jamie and Nathan plays basketball. NATHAN: All right, buddy, make this, and the Rivercourt stays like this forever. Ready? (Jamie makes a shot) NATHAN: Yeah! Yes! Yeah! End of the episode.
Plan: A: the River Court; Q: Where do Nathan, Jamie, Clay, Julian, Chase and Chuck camp? A: Puerto Rico; Q: Where do the girls go after River Court? A: Karen's Cafe; Q: Where does Haley take Clothes over Bros? A: Iron and Wine; Q: What band is the episode named after? A: Opening theme song; Q: What was performed by Joshua Radin? A: Joshua Radin; Q: Who performed the opening theme song for this episode? Summary: Nathan, Jamie, Clay, Julian, Chase and Chuck camp at the River Court. The Girls head to Puerto Rico and Haley turns Clothes over Bros back to Karen's Cafe. This episode is named after a song by Iron and Wine . Opening theme song performed by Joshua Radin .
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mercy: Tonight, I shall finish with Isaac. Isaac: She'll kill you if she catches you. This way. Anne: Hathorne came to me today. He demanded I marry him, and if I refuse, he's all but promised to have me examined for witchcraft. Mary: Convince Cotton Mather to marry you. You must take a piece of him and leave a piece of you and offer up something that you love. Petrus: A witch dagger to kill, a moonstone to see, and a medicine bag to be unseen. Von Marburg: Tell the captain to lift anchor, and once he has made his way out of Boston Harbor, I will send a stiff wind to speed our way to Salem. Sebastian: And to Mary Sibley. But I want to taste her. Tituba: Did you never wonder what happened to the witches of the other old lands... what happened to them? Not witch hunters, but her. Mary: I alone will open the gate for our dark lord. 'Tis my accomplishment and none of your own. Von Marburg: Your accomplishment is not only my concern, but my destiny. In your house, I have left a token. Mary: [Breathing heavily] Ugh! [Breathing heavily] Oh! Get the candle! [Grunts] [Breathing heavily] The toad is gone. Tituba: We are losing him, Mary! Mary: Find the toad! Come on, come on. Find the toad! [Toad croaking] George, come on. George. Come on. [Breathing heavily] [Toad screeches] [Breathing heavily] Ash the symbol. [Flames roar] Tituba: [Blows] Mary: [Breathing heavily] Tituba and Mary: Splinter of life, take haste, take hold. Quicken the breath to awaken the soul. [Flames roar] Splinter of life, take haste, take hold. Quicken the breath to awaken the soul. Splinter of life, take haste, take hold. Quicken the breath to awaken the soul. Splinter of life, take haste, take hold. Quicken the breath to awaken the soul. Mary: Splinter of life, take haste, take hold. Tituba and Mary: Quicken the breath to awaken the soul. George: [Retching] Mary: [Gasps] Come on. Come on, George. Come on, come on. Come on. Come on, George! Tituba: Yes, yes! Mary: Come on! Come on, I need you! Yes, come on, George! I need you! Come on! No! No! I need you. Come on. Come on, George! Come on! Come on! Damn it! Tituba: Marburg's spell is too strong. Mary: No! No! He is mine, not hers! [Breathing heavily] Okay. [Gasps] [Moans] [Moaning] George: [Gasping] Mary: You can't leave me, George. [Liquid bubbling] [Sobbing] Please don't leave me! Please! George! [Sobs] George! George, no! No! Come back, George! Tituba: Mary! Mary: I need you, please! Tituba: Mary! Mary: No! No! No! [Sobbing] No. Tituba: He's lost. Mary: [Sobbing] Then all is lost. ["Cupid Carries a Gun" plays] ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ the witch drums ♪ ♪ better pray for hell ♪ ♪ not hallelujah ♪ [Indistinct conversations in distance] [dogs barking in distance] [Thunder rumbling] [Horse neighs] [Speaking indistinctly] John: [Breathing heavily] [Indistinct voices echoing] [Skin crackling] Von Marburg: You had but one task, and that is to watch my back. And yet you allowed a woodland witch to cross our waters and slip past you on our ship. Sebastian: No ordinary woodland witch. Von Marburg: No. Mary Sibley is, indeed, something more. All more reason for vigilance. Sebastian: I promise I will never let my eyes stray from her again. Sebastian: You must admit, stepping foot onto our bow, settling blaze to our ship... the minx is brazen. Come, Mother. [Glasses clink] Make peace and celebrate. The war is won in a single blow. Von Marburg: How like a man to mistake the battle for a war. True war is only won when the enemy is dead. Even so... A dead bee may yet sting. Hmm. Some will be lulled... And some will be killed. But some will have all they wish fulfilled. [Blows] Oh. One dear little bee lost from the hive. How useful. [Men laughing] [Indistinct conversations] Hathorne: Raise your glasses, gentlemen. The ship I've chartered to the Carolinas arrives in two days. To the conquest of new lands in the days to come, and tonight, to the tightest tidbit of twat in all of Salem... Anne Hale! [Laughter] Soon to be Anne... hunh-hunh-hunh... hawthorne! [Laughter] Young Anne. As we all set out into virgin territory, so shall I. [Chuckles] Cotton: How dare you speak so of a lady... any lady, let alone one you claim to love. Hathorne: [Laughs] Love? Who said anything about love? I talk of marriage, sir, and the property what comes with it. Cotton: Property? Is she but a house or a cask of wine? Hathorne: Indeed, like all women, she is. And I will shatter her doors, uncork her casks, and drink my fill. Cotton: [Breathes deeply] Hathorne: Oh! [Indistinct shouting] [Insects chirping] Anne: [Thinking] I did it... slew my Little Brown Jenkins, trod the left hand path, and spelled a man to force his love. Did it even work? [Indistinct shouting in distance] [Shouting continues] Tituba: Hathorne will kill him any second now. Mary: No, when two dogs fight, it isn't always the biggest or most experienced who triumphs, but the hungriest. Cotton is hungry like he's never been hungry before. [Indistinct shouting continues] [Crowd groans] Man: Up! Up! Up! [Indistinct shouting continues] Tituba: Anne spelled him. Mary: And if Anne's spell inspires Cotton to finish him, then all of Hathorne's threats to Salem and to me vanish. I could use one less enemy. Hathorne: Hyah! Cotton: Hyah! [Indistinct shouting] Hyah! [Grunting] Hyah! Mary: Plunge it deep, Cotton. Cotton: Aah! Anne: You're no killer. Mary: Do it. Cotton: Hyah! [Breathing heavily] Aaaah! Mary: The town magistrate and a world-renowned puritan divine. What a disgrace! Understand, good people, that nobody is above the law. Drag them to the jail. A night of discomfort and shame will do them both some good. Hathorne: Mrs. Sibley... Mary: Don't you have homes to go to?! John: [Breathing heavily] [Breathing heavily] [Door creaking] [Flies buzzing] Petrus: So, it's true. Killers do always return to the scene of their crime. [indistinct conversations] Man: Royal flags and colors. Man #2: Can you see them? [Indistinct conversations] Braun: [Germanic accent] People of Salem, I have the high privilege and distinct honor of presenting our Countess Palatine Ingrid Von Marburg and her son, the Baron Sebastian Von Marburg. [Indistinct conversations] Woman: They're lovely. [Indistinct conversations] Von Marburg: Oh, Salem... We have heard of your terrible plight. And we see now with our own eyes the neglect that has been shown you. We took sail as hastily as we could to show solidarity and to bring an abundance of supplies. [Cheers and applause] Mary: Such a display of wealth and opulence. How could we ever repay you? Von Marburg: The look of open affection and gratitude in your face is repayment enough. [Smooching] The renowned Mary Sibley. Sebastian: An honor... and, even more, a pleasure. Von Marburg: We were so very sorry to hear about Mr. Sibley. His ongoing illness must be a strain on you, my dear, and indeed, on all of Salem. Mary: Thank you. But he is quite hardy. Von Marburg: Good. He won't mind, then, if I make away with you to be my guide through these foreign alleyways, for I should know my new home like a bee knows its hive. [Indistinct conversations] [Geese squawking] Looking into the faces of all those about to die at your hand, how does it feel? [Cheers and applause] Mary: I take no pleasure in it. Von Marburg: No, I see that. Makes me worry about you and for you. For what is the point of so much work if it affords no pleasure? [Applause] Mary: I try to focus on the future... And what will be gained by their sacrifice. Von Marburg: Oh, my dear. What do you think that world will be like? Oh, thank you. Mary: A new breath of freedom... utopia. Von Marburg: Do you even know what that word means? Mary: An ideal world. Von Marburg: It means "no place." Do not be blinded by the light of your dreams, Mary Sibley, for these are not the last but merely the first of the sacrifices it will take to achieve our new world. There are other cities to conquer, other empires to fell. And all the while, we must wear our mask of respectability. Mary: Then why have you destroyed my mask and killed George? Von Marburg: To show you who are your true and only friends, to eliminate your false confidence, and to prove that those elders of yours hiding in the woods have less hold over you than I. But have no fear. Your secret about George is safe with me, as long as we are allies. Isn't it exciting? Either your life is about to truly start by my side, or it may be over in an instant... your choice. [Applause continues] Mary: I choose life. There will be time enough for death. Besides, I would not want to be robbed of the chance to learn from such a wise mentor. Von Marburg: Excellent. Then your first lesson is simple... practice the art of losing gracefully. [Chuckles] [Cheers and applause] Cotton: [Moans] [Breathing heavily] Anne: [Breathing heavily] [Dog barking] [Horse neighs] Cotton: [Moans] [Indistinct conversations in distance] [Breathing heavily] Hathorne: Now we see the world-famous fool, Cotton Mather... Can no more hold his drink than he can his tongue. Increase always said you were an utter failure. How right he was. That's why you're not fit to take a girl like Anne Hale. Cotton: You think she would want a murderer? Hathorne: No, a man. Cotton: [Grunting] Hathorne: One who takes what he wants, rather than pleading for it. By god, I swear, Mather, if it weren't for your beard, you'd be a woman. Cotton: What an infinite dribble of nonsense falls from your flaccid lips! Hathorne: Puking, grey-coated gnat. Cotton: And you? All bowels and no brains. Hathorne: Craven scurvied pignut. Cotton: Canker blossom! [Slow clapping] Von Marburg: Bravo. Rome itself never had two such distinguished gladiators. No need for mea culpas. In my experience, a little contest of manhood moves the blood and makes for a virile mind and body. Hathorne: And may I introduce myself? I am the magistrate. Von Marburg: Well, my good man, you seem to have found yourself on the wrong side of these bars. [Lock rattles] Hathorne: Oh, indeed. [Chuckling] Indeed, Countess. Uh. Wendell Hathorne. I... I'm most pleased to make your acquaintance. Von Marburg: Wendell Hathorne. The same Wendell Hathorne whose name is spoken of in the most respected halls in Boston? Even in London, in the court of King William and his wife, Mary. Hathorne: I... I do not know that I... Von Marburg: But I will shield the king's court from your drunken revelry... And the scandalous rumors that you intend to uproot the good people of Salem and plant them in a less holy land, the Carolinas, seeing as the humble man I see before me cannot be capable of such treason. Hathorne: I... I am most indebted to you, Countess. Von Marburg: Hello. You are free to go. I have paid the fines for your public drunkenness and mayhem. Cotton: But Mrs. Sibley... Von Marburg: And I are of one mind. And as for your excesses, let our motto be, "moderation in all things... including moderation." [SCENE_BREAK] Anne: [Thinking] I still can't quite believe it. I did it, and it well and truly worked. Cotton was a new man, full of a lion's strength. And for me... I must admit, to see a man fight and bleed for my very honor... a more thrilling sight I have never known. [Creature squeaking] Brown Jenkins? [Brown Jenkins squeaking] It cannot be. I... squeezed the very lifeblood from your body. And yet, here you are... Alive... again. [Clicking tongue] [Thinking] Mary Sibley told me, as a witch, my familiar would find me. Now I know. Brown Jenkins is no mouse. He is my familiar. And it appears it is not only cats that have nine lives. [Squeaking continues] May the lord have mercy on my soul... if I still have one. [Indistinct conversations] Isaac: Can't stay here for much longer. Dollie: If we leave, she'll find us. You don't know mercy. She hates like others love... beyond all reason. Isaac: Then we will go far from here. We can start in a new world with new names... a chance for us to have something of our own. I remember Magistrate Hale talking of the West Indies... warm waters and soft beaches everywhere you turn. Dollie: No mercy or pox. Isaac: [Chuckles] Dollie: Oh, Isaac... What a sweet dream. Isaac: One that we don't have to wait for sleep to see true. Dollie, I've got means. Dollie: Your money? I heard them talk about it in the clinic. Where did you get it? Isaac: I earned it. It's mine. It's too dangerous to go by daylight. We'll have to wait until nightfall. Dollie: No, save your strength. You enter that place in your state, they'll surely put you back in a bed, and you'll be lying prey for mercy again. I will go. Isaac: No. Dollie: Shh. [Door creaking] Sebastian: Now, this is awkward... you being here with your ex... and your next. Mary: Leave. Sebastian: You are even more beautiful when you're angry. I knew you would be. Mary: You do not know me. Sebastian: I do know you, Mary. After all, I have tasted you on my mother's lips. [Breathes deeply] I know, for instance, that no man who has ever loved you has ever served you. Every man in your life has served but himself. George Sibley took what he wanted until you could bear no more and... and made him but a toad bone man. John Alden took what he wanted and left, returning only to take yet again. No man... not one has ever asked what it was you wanted, what you needed. You simply have no idea what it will feel like to have a man as resourceful and determined as me dedicate himself entirely to your every need, your every desire. I am no fool. I know you do not love me now. But you will... Sooner than you think. Let me begin by ridding you of your most vexatious problem. Mary: I was quite capable of dispensing of George in my own manner. Sebastian: Perhaps. But I prefer to have George in my pocket, not yours. And I promise, his corpulent carcass will remain hidden... So long as you behave yourself. Mary: What kind of man woos with blackmail? Sebastian: It is not the beginning of love that matters... it's love's end. And trust me, I know how our story ends. It ends like this... "and they lived happily ever after"... Madam. [Water splashing] Petrus: You never hesitated to kill before. Indeed, you slit my throat like you were opening a letter. John: That's true. Got no end of blood on my hands. Petrus: Yet Mary Sibley, the very queen of the Essex witches, stood mere inches from your blade, and you did nothing. John: It wasn't time. Petrus: Even you don't believe that. You just couldn't do it, because you're still in love with her. [Dishes rattling] John: Petrus... Just leave me be. Petrus: Wouldn't be the first nor the last time a man had to kill the thing he loved. John: I know what I have to do. Petrus: Then do it. John: Shut up. Petrus: What are you waiting for? Time's running out. You're nearly as dead as I am. John: I said, shut up! Mercy: [Gasps] [Sobbing] Von Marburg: Mirror, mirror, on the wall... Mercy: [Sniffles] Von Marburg: ... Who is the most betrayed by all? Mercy: [Hoarsely] Who are you? Von Marburg: Call me... your fairy godmother. Here to grant your wishes. Mercy: Leave me be. I'm no child anymore... to be beguiled by fairy stories. And I'm all out of wishes. Von Marburg: Come, we're all children inside, and we all have wishes. You, my dear, have two. You hide in here, and you wish upon the moon itself to give Mary Sibley even half the pain she's given you. Mercy: [Sniffles] Von Marburg: I can help you... deliver her a thousandfold more pain. And you wish upon the stars... To be as unmarked as you once were. I will give you more. Such beauty as launched a thousand ships will be yours. Mercy: Why? What have you to gain from granting my wishes? Von Marburg: It is no mystery. I, too, would see Mary Sibley curled into a ball of pain. Mercy: [Sniffles] Von Marburg: And I have much use... oh, much loving use... for a beauty such as will be yours. Mercy: [Sighs] I tell you, madam, after a lifetime of betrayal and torture... I've not a drop of trust left in me. I couldn't believe you if I tried. Von Marburg: But I do not ask you to trust. [Knife falls] There, now. Mercy: [Grunting] Von Marburg: Oh. Come and see. Mary: I called you here to discuss a dark matter we must talk about increase. Cotton: I shall never cleanse my hands of his blood. Mary: No, we mustn't let his final madness be his lasting legacy. His reputation as the greatest witch killer of our time rests upon his past success, does it not? Cotton: My father was the very scourge of witches in the old country... not only in Old Essex, but also in Germany. There, he stopped this tribe of germanic witches, led by this ancient pagan siren that he sent back to hell. He often told me that was his... Proudest moment. Mary: And your father trained you through childhood to follow in his footsteps. Cotton: [Sighs] Mary: Sent you in his place to lead the war against the witches here in Salem. In this as in so much else, I have failed... miserably. Mary: No, you did not fail. It is not over. Search your memory, Cotton. Think hard. Surely, your father told you something about his great victory... some hint or clue as to exactly how he sent this siren back to hell. Perhaps it will help us defeat the witches here and now in Salem. Cotton: Would that he had. I'm afraid all his secrets died with him. Mary: If only we could learn of your father's sweet victory from his own lips. [Indistinct conversations] Woman: Worth it, sir. Come inside. Isaac: It's been hours! I feared that I'd never see your face again. Dollie: I found your money. We must leave this place at once. Isaac: What? Dollie: Come on. Isaac: What happened? Are you hurt? Dollie: I am most lucky to be alive. Isaac: No, I am lucky you are alive. It is the good news I could have hoped for. Dollie: But I have better news. I secured us passage out of Salem by boat. Isaac: Truly? How? Dollie: A ship leaves tonight. And though it took nearly half of your gold, the captain agreed to let us stow away in the belly of his ship. New Providence, a Bahamian isle, just as you wished... warmth, exotic peoples, no puritans. Isaac: Or witches. Dollie: This is the captain that's going to shepherd us to freedom. [Sighs] Braun: You must hurry. The ship is ready to sail. [Knock on door] Anne: [Sighs] [Door creaks] Cotton! The hour is late. Cotton: I hope my presence is a welcome one, even after curfew. Anne: Yes, but what brings you on such urgent business? Cotton: I... I... I was going to return this... Anne: Oh, thank you. Cotton: ... Um, as an excuse. But the truth is that I come for a much greater reason... a renewed vigor for life... a life that I want to share with someone who evokes the vitality that I have come to know well in recent days. Anne: Would it not be prudent to allow such feelings to settle, to fully blossom, before, uh, asserting such declarations so freely? Cotton: I have raised fist against another man out of the robust feelings I have. I have... I have spent a night in the dank jail. Anne: I... I fear it is all my fault. Cotton: There is no fault to be had. I've never felt so alive as I do right now. I mean, why... why delay saying what I know in my heart? Anne: I must ask if you have enjoyed an excess of spirits again. Cotton: No. If I am drunk, it's on a much rarer spirit... you. All my waking hours and all my dreaming nights are haunted by one face, one voice, one... [Sniffs] scent. Ah, for all my arsenal of words, my tongue is tied. Um, what I am saying is... I... I love you. Anne: [Sighs] Cotton: [Chuckles] I didn't have a name for it. But now I do... love. Its name is... forever inseparable from yours. No, no, no, no. This is too much, too soon. Um... Sorry. Um. Anne: No. Cotton: No, no, no. For now, just know... that I love you. I shan't rest till you are safe. And, um, the only safe place for you is here... [Sighs] In my heart. [Sighs] Good night. [Whispers indistinctly] Anne: Good night. [Door closes] [Sighs] [Laughs] [Brown Jenkins squeaking] [Footsteps approaching] Isaac: Dollie... You're sure you want to say goodbye to everything that you've known? Dollie: There's nothing left here for me but you. And wherever we go now... we go together. [Sighs] Isaac: Then nothing can stop us from leaving this hell. Dollie: [Sighs] Braun: Ergreift sie! Isaac: What? Dollie: [Screaming] Isaac: Oh! Dollie! Dollie: Help! Help! [Indistinct conversations in distance] [Floorboards creaking] [Brown Jenkins squeaking] John: [Gasping] Tituba: Petrus' eyes showed me all, witch killer. You will kill no witches tonight. John: [Gasping] [Footsteps approaching] Mercy: [Breathing heavily] Von Marburg: Come, now. Mercy: You have my Dollie. What are you doing? Von Marburg: Taking away your shame and giving you back your glory. Do you not think that this flesh has seen a lifetime of wounds and scars and the ravages of time? And yet, behold... It retains its youth. And so, too, will yours. Whatever torments have marred your flesh... marred even your soul... will be washed away. Dollie: [Sobs] Mercy, please help me. Mercy: She is mine, not yours. Von Marburg: Wait until you see what I can make her do for you. Dollie: No, Mercy, don't listen to her. Remember me... who I am? Who you were? [Breathing quickly] We've been the best of friends since were mere babes just crawling in the grass. Mercy: Since we were babes? Dollie: [Crying] Mercy: I remember differently. You were too good for me, always, until you saw my dark gift... the power to send people to death with just the point of my finger. And you took Isaac. You betrayed me. Dollie: No. [Sobs] Mercy, please. [Moaning] [Latches clicking] Mercy: What are you doing? Dollie: [Breathing heavily] Von Marburg: Trust me. Dollie: [Whimpering] Von Marburg: Here. [Metal creaks] Yes. Dollie: [Crying] Von Marburg: Come. Mercy: [Breathing heavily] [Liquid splashing] [Gasps] [Metal creaks] Dollie: [Gasping] [Groaning] [Sobbing] Mary: [Breathing heavily] I never thought I'd say these words... But I need you... [Bones crack] ... increase Mather.
Plan: A: Countess Marburg; Q: Who takes Mercy in? A: the citizenry; Q: Who does the Countess Marburg bring gifts for? A: her next move; Q: What does Mary plan to do with the advice she receives from the Countess Marburg? A: her son; Q: Who is Sebastian? A: less puritanical matters; Q: What is Sebastian preoccupied with? A: witchcraft; Q: What did Anne Hale use to sway Cotton's heart? A: Cotton; Q: Who makes a measured confession? A: alcohol; Q: What substance did Cotton Mather use to fuel his battle with Hathorne? A: Hathorne; Q: Who did Cotton Mather come to blows with? A: The ensuing battle; Q: What hindered Mary's plans? A: an outcome; Q: What did the battle between Cotton Mather and Hathorne lead to that hindered Mary's plans? A: John Alden; Q: Who pursues his deadly mission? A: unfamiliar magic-seeks respite; Q: What does John Alden do when he is weakened by his recent and repeated uses of what? A: a familiar place; Q: Where does John Alden seek respite? A: two; Q: How many of Salem's most damaged residents find solace in each other? A: Mercy; Q: Who is visited by Countess Marburg? A: help; Q: What does Mary seek from Increase Mather? Summary: The Countess Marburg arrives in Salem bearing gifts for the citizenry and advice for Mary. As she plans her next move, her son Sebastian remains preoccupied by less puritanical matters. While Anne Hale reflects both guiltily and gleefully on her recent activities in using witchcraft to sway Cotton's heart, Cotton Mather-fueled by magic, alcohol, or perhaps by true emotion-comes to blows with Hathorne in the way he spoke about Anne. The ensuing battle leads to an outcome that hindered Mary's plans. John Alden pursues his deadly mission and-finding himself seriously weakened by his recent and repeated uses of unfamiliar magic-seeks respite in a familiar place. Meanwhile, Cotton makes a measured confession, two of Salem's most damaged residents continue to find solace in each other, Mercy is visited by Countess Marburg who takes her in, and Mary seeks out help from an unexpected source: Increase Mather.
Camelot, Throne Room. Guinevere kneels before Arthur, while he's taking a crown. Merlin and Gaius, in the first row, are smiling. Arthur: By the sacred laws invested in me, I pronounce you Guinevere, Queen of Camelot. Arthur crowns her, take her hand and they each sit on a throne. Morgana's Bedroom. Morgana wakes up, scared, and looks at her arm. She sees the healing bracelet. She goes to the window, and turn around hearing someone. Guinevere: Is everything alright my Lady? Morgana: I'm fine. It's late. You should go to bed. Guinevere: Good night. Morgana: Good night Gwen. Corridor of Camelot. Morgana's walking in the castle. . Morgause (echo): Sister...Siste r...Sister...This way...This way...This way... A door opens and a torch lights. Morgause: Sister...Sister...Sister... Morgana takes the torch. Morgause: Siter...This way... Morgana enters in a room, and Morgause appears behind her. Morgause: Hello Sister. They hug. Morgana: I can't tell you how good is to see you. Morgause: I received your message. Tell me about these dreams that are so troubling to you. Morgana: They show a ceremony in Camelot. It's my serving girl, Gwen, she...sits beside Arthur on a throne. She's crowned queen. I see the same thing night after night. Morgause: There are some dreams that are so powerful your healing bracelet will not stop them. It is a prophecy. Morgana: How can that be? She's a servant. Uther would never allow Arthur to marry her. Morgause: There are many futures, Sister. Some are shrouded in mist, and others are clear as cut glass. But your gift is powerful, and this vision cannot be ignored. You cannot allow this serving girl to take your rightful place upon the throne. Whatever relationship exists between Arthur and...Gwen, you must destroy it. Morgana's Bedroom. Gwen puts breakfast on the table, while Morgana fixes her. Gwen gasps when she notices it. Gwen: You startled me. You're up early this morning. Morgana: I...I couldn't sleep. I went for a walk. Gwen: Did you want to change? Morgana: No. Have you spoken to Arthur recently? Gwen: I saw him yesterday in the market. Morgana: It must be hard. Gwen: What's that? Morgana: Hiding your feelings for him. Gwen: I'm not sure what you mean. Morgana: I know how you feel about Arthur and how he feels about you. Do you deny it? Morgana takes Gwen's hand. Morgana: It's such a shame you can't be more open about your feelings for each other. Gwen pulls her hand away. Gwen: If you'll excuse me my Lady. Dining Room. Gwen and Merlin serve Arthur, Uther and Morgana. Uther: What news from the northern borders? Arthur: There've been a number of minor skirmishes. Arthur touches Gwen's hand, and she smiles. Morgana saw it. Uther: You think Odin is testing our defences? Arthur stares Gwen. Uther: Arthur, are you listening? Arthur: What's that? Arthur moves his hand and accidentally knocks down his cup. Uther: What on earth is wrong with you? Gwen hurries to clean it up. Morgana stares Arthur. Arthur: Nothing. Sorry. Arthur's Bedroom. Arthur sits, staring at a parchment and playing with a feather pen. Morgana opens the door. Arthur: Morgana. Morgana: Arthur, am I disturbing you? Arthur: No. Come in. To what do I owe this pleasure? Morgana: Well, I was worried about you. You weren't yourself at dinner. Arthur: Just a bit tired. Morgana: Really? I thought the reason you were so distracted had something to do with the fact that Gwen was in the room. Arthur: I have no idea what you're talking about. Morgana: Come on, Arthur. Why can't you admit you have feelings for her? A blind man could see it. Arthur: Is it really that obvious? Morgana: It's only so obvious to me because...I know Gwen also has feelings for you. Arthur: Has she said something? Morgana: She speaks of you all the time. Arthur: What did she say? Morgana: You're already arrogant enough. I will flatter you no further. Poor girl, I fear she doesn't know what to do with herself when she's around you. Arthur: She's not alone. I have such feelings for her, and yet I know nothing can ever come of them. Morgana: If it's Gwen who you desire, why do you deny yourself? Arthur: Because she's a servant. My father would have me marry for the good of the kingdom. Morgana: Uther knows nothing of love. You are the future king.You must set your own rules. Besides, he doesn't have to find out. You should spend some time with Gwen. I know she'd like that. Gwen's House. Gwen drops firewood into a basket. Gwen: Arthur wishes to spend the day with me? Merlin: I thought you'd be happy. Gwen: It isn't that simple. If anyone were to find out...What if someone sees us? Merlin: I'll take you to meet him outside the city. Arthur's willing to take the risk...if you are. Gwen hesitates. Merlin: Should I tell him you won't meet him? Gwen (fastly): No. Merlin laughs, and puts his hands on Gwen's shoulders. Merlin: You forget, he's Prince Arthur, and that he can be a spoiled, arrogant brat. Gwen (laughing): Merlin. Merlin (laughing): Sorry. Gwen's still hesitating. Merlin: You like him. Gwen: Yes. Merlin: He likes you. Gwen: Mmmm. Merlin: Isn't that all that really matters? Gwen: I suppose it is. Merlin goes to exit. Merlin: then I will come back in the morning. Gwen follows him, nervously. Merlin stops next to the door, and by a gesture, says her to relax. She smiles and looks happy. Morgana's Bedroom. Morgana sits in front of her mirror while Gwen folds down the bed. Gwen: Will there be anything else? Morgana: No, that'll be all. Gwen walks toward the door, but stop and turn around. Gwen: I was hoping it might be possible to be relieved of my duties tomorrow. Morgana: Really? And why is that? Gwen: I fear I'm sickening with a fever. Morgana: Of course. Gwen: Thank you. Gwen smiles, and goes out. Morgana smirks. Gwen's House. Gwen looks in the mirror. Merlin knocks and comes in. Gwen appears to him, and he stares at her. Gwen: What? Merlin: You look lovely. Gwen sighs and smiles. In the woods. Arthur stares at a silver plater, fixing his hair and eyebrows. Behind him, Merlin and Gwen arrive, laughing. Merlin: Shh. Merlin cups his hands around his mouth. Merlin: Caw Caw! Arthur drops the platter and turn around. Gwen and Merlin walk toward him. Arthur: Guinevere, you look... He stares at her, and can't say anything. Merlin: I think he's trying to say you look nice. Gwen laughs. Arthur: Thank you, Merlin. That'll be all. Merlin: Have fun. Merlin leaves, and Gwen crosses the brook on stones. Arthur takes her hand to help her. Morgana watches them by far, smiles, and leaves. Dining Room. Uther's drinking. Morgana: It's such a beautiful day, I was wondering if you might join me for a ride. Uther: I have council matters to attend to. Morgana: It's just, I get to spend so little time with you these days. Time together is...so precious to me. Uther: You're right. We don't spend enough time together. The council can wait. They toast. In the woods. Gwen wants to serve the lunch. Arthur takes the plates from her hands. Arthur: You are not here as a servant. He serves her. Gwen: It feels different, doesn't it? Being away from Camelot? Arthur: I love Camelot more than I can say, but when I'm there, sometimes I feel I can hardly breathe everyone expects so much of me. Being here with you? I can be myself. Gwen: I like that, you being yourself. Arthur: Sometimes I dream of leaving Camelot. Gwen: Really? Where would you go? Arthur: I don't know. Somewhere where nobody knew who I was. I'd get some land and become a farmer. Gwen laughs. Gwen: I can hardly see you toiling away in the fields all day. Arthur: Obviously I'd take Merlin with me; he can do all the hard work. Gwen: I'm sure he'd love that. Arthur hands Gwen the plate. Gwen: Thank you. Not far from there. Uther and Morgana are riding. Uther: I'm glad you persuaded me to come. We must do this again. Morgana: I'd like that very much. Come on, I'll race you. In the woods. Arthur and Gwen rest on pillows. Gwen: We should be heading back to Camelot soon. Arthur: We could stay a while longer. Don't know when we'll have the chance to do this again. Gwen: Perhaps when you become a farmer we can be together more often. Arthur: That's just a dream. I fear I will never leave Camelot... A noise. Arthur: Stay still. Gwen: Is it bandits? Arthur reaches toward his sword, take a glove and hits something over guinever's head. She gasps. Arthur: A wasp. Arthur smiles. Gwen laughs, and kisses him. Horses arrive. Arthur and Gwen stop kissing, and Gwen gasps. Uther: Arthur! Council Room. Arthur walks, nervous. Uther enters, and starts laughing next to his son. He slaps him on the soulder. Surprised, Arthur smiles. Arthur: I thought you'd be furious. Uther: I was young once, I'm more than familiar with the temptations of serving girls. Arthur: I'm sorry I kept it from you. I thought it for the best. Uther: No serious harm has been done. I can't allow it to continue, obviously. Arthur: What are you talking about? Uther: You can never see this girl again. Arthur: You just said that no harm had been done. Uther: You've had your fun, now it must come to an end. Arthur: What does it matter that Guinevere's a servant? Uther: The survival of Camelot depends on forging an alliance through your marriage. Arthur: But I can't marry someone who I don't have feelings for. Uther: Your first duty is to Camelot. Arthur: I care about her... Uther: I cannot allow this. I forbid it. Arthur: You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere. Uther: You leave me no choice; she's banished from the city. Arthur: You can't do that. Uther: She has three days to leave. To return is on pain of death. Arthur: She has nowhere to go! Her, her life is in Camelot. Uther: You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final. Arthur: Please, do not banish her. I give you my solemn word that I'll never see her again. Uther: You have made it clear to me that you cannot control your feelings for this girl. Arthur: No! I... Arthur catches Uther's arm, stops when he sees his father's expression and lets him go. Uther: This is for your own good. He leaves. Arthur's Bedroom. Merlin: How did Uther know where to find you? Arthur: I don't know. You were the only person who knew where we were. Merlin: I didn't *dramatic pause* tell him. Arthur: Oh, maybe something you said *dramatic pause* gave it away. Merlin: I didn't say anything. Arthur: You know Merlin, you couldn't keep a secret if your life depended on it! Merlin: You'd be surprised! Arthur: What's that supposed to mean? Merlin: Nothing. Arthur looks at the floor. Merlin: What are you going to do? Arthur: I don't know. Morgana enters. Arthur: Leave us, Merlin. Merlin and Morgana stare at each other before Merlin goes out. Morgana: Arthur, I heard what happened. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Arthur: It's all my fault. Morgana: You're not to blame. Arthur: I- I can't accept that I may never see her again. Morgana: Uther has banished her. Surely you have no choice. Arthur: There are always choices. Morgana: What will you do? Arthur: I'll leave with her. Morgana: You're leaving Camelot? You'd give up your rights to the throne! Arthur: One day we will return to Camelot together, and Guinevere will take her place on the throne beside me. Gwen's House. Gwen's packing stuff to move. Gwen: There is so much to do. I'll have to sell everything I can't take with me. And of course I need to find a new maid for Morgana. Merlin: Gwen. Gwen: Do you know anyone suitable? Merlin: Gwen, stop it. Where will you go? She sits on her bed and shakes her head, tears in eyes. Gwen (crying): I don't know. I've spent my whole life in Camelot, it's all I know. Everything I care about is here. I have nothing else. Merlin: I'll think of something. I promise. Gwen nods. Arthur's Bedroom. Morgana places a poultice under Arthur's pillow. Uther's Bedroom. Uther sits at the table, when someone knocks on the door. Uther: Enter. Morgane comes in, ans Uther smiles. Uther: Morgana. Morgana: I was concerned about you, My Lord. You weren't at dinner. She takes candles. Uther: Augh, I had no appetite. Morgana: You're worried about Arthur. Uther: I do not understand his feelings for this girl; she's a servant. Morgana lights candles. Morgana: It is strange that... Uther: What? Morgana: Arthur tells me everything and he's never expressed any feelings for Gwen and suddenly he's declaring his love for her. Morgana switch off the match. Uther: What are you saying, Morgana? Morgana: I'm sure there's an explanation. Uther: Speak your mind. Morgana: You yourself have noticed Arthur's strange mood. It's almost as though he's...been enchanted. Arthur's Bedroom. Guards search something magic, while Arthur stands up with his arms crossed. Merlin comes in. Merlin: What's going on? Arthur: My father has ordered my chambers to be searched. Merlin: What for? A guard empties a container onto the table. Arthur: You think I have a girl hiding in there? A guard finds the poultice under Arthur's pillow. Arthur: What's that? Council Room. Gaius examinates the poultice. Uther: Is it magical? Gaius: I believe so. These are the symbols of the Old Religion. Uther: Could it be used to cast an enchantment? Gaius: That would be one use of such a poultice. Uther: This enchantment, could it cause someone to fall in love? Gaius: It is entirely possible. May I ask where it was found? Uther takes the poultice. Uther: It was discovered in Arthur's Chambers. Find Morgana's maid and bring her to me immediately. Gaius looks at Morgana. Arthur's Bedroom. Arthur is packing some stuff while Merlin enters, running. Arthur: What is it, Merlin? Merlin: I just saw some guards dragging Gwen into the palace. Arthur runs out of the room, and Merlin follows him. Council Room. Gwen is dropped on knees in front of Uther. The King shows her the poultice. Uther. Uther holds poultice out in front of her] Uther: You recognise it? Gwen: I've never seen it before in my life. Uther: Really? I believe you planted it in Arthur's Chambers to enchant him. Uther gives the poultice to a guard. Gwen: That's not true. Uther: Why else would Arthur fall in love with someone like you? Gwen: I don't expect someone like you to understand that. Uther slaps her. Morgana: My Lord! Gwen has always been a loyal and trusted servant! Uther: I have no doubt she's feigned loyalty while using her position to get close to my son. The doors open and Arthur enters, furious. Arthur: What is the meaning of this?! Uther: This poultice was found under your pillow. Some kind of love charm. You are under its spell. Arthur: That's ridiculous. Uther: What would you know. Arthur: Because I know how I feel. I'm not enchanted. Uther: So can you tell me how it came to be in your room? Gwen gasps, scared. Arthur: I don't know, but I don't believe Guinevere put it there. Uther: Until its spell is broken, I can't take anything you say as the truth. Her father consorted with sorcerers. Gwen: My father was a good and innocent man and you executed him! Uther: So you would seek your revenge by enchanting my son?! Gwen: No! Gaius: My Lord, whatever this poultice is, I don't believe that Gwen is responsible for magic. Uther: I don't care what you believe, Gaius. Arthur is under her spell. It's the only rational explanation for his behaviour! Arthur: Father, you have to see reason. Guinevere has done nothing wrong. Uther: She has been found guilty of using magic and enchantments. She will be burnt at the stake. Arthur: No... Arthur runs toward Uther. Uther: Restrain him! Guards grab Arthur. Arthur: You can't do this! Gaius: My Lord! At least give Gwen a fair trial! Uther: I have all the evidence I need. Arthur: I'm begging you! W-we will leave Camelot and never return! Just, just let us go! I relinquish my entitlement to the throne! Morgana looks Gwen, who gasps. Uther: My son would never do that. It is proof beyond doubt that you are enchanted. Arthur: I will never forgive you for this. Uther: She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right. Take her away. Uther leaves the room. Arthur: No! Guinevere! Arthur struggles with the guards, while Gwen begins to panic when guards sease her. Gwen: Arthur! No! Arthur, please...! Guards take her and move toward the door. Arthur: No! Arthur escapes from guards and runs to Gwen. He hugs her and kisses her until an other guard pull him away. Arthur: I will always love you! Gwen sees Morgana's smiling when she's taken away by the guards... A pyre is built in the Place of Camelot. Gwen watches it from the window of her cell, and Arthur watches it from the window of his room. Merlin enters. Merlin: We need to find a way to smuggle Gwen out of Camelot. Arthur: My father has me under constant watch. There are guards outside, below in the square. I can't watch her die, Merlin. Prison. Merlin brings a platter to Gwen's cell. Merlin: I thought you might be hungry. Gwen: I can't even think of eating. How is Arthur? Merlin: He wants me to let you know that he will do everything he can to convince Uther that you're innocent. He won't stop until you're released. Gwen: You and I both know that Uther will not change his mind. When I am gone, will you take care of him for me, Merlin? Merlin: No, you can't give up hope. There is still time. Gwen: To do what? Merlin: I need to find the person who really planted the poultice. Do you have any idea who it might've been? Gwen fixes Merlin with a dark look. Merlin: What is it? She checks if guards are far and faces Merlin. Gwen: After I was sentenced to death, I was being led out. I looked back. I swear, Morgana was smiling. You probably think I'm mad. Merlin: No, I... Footsteps. Merlin: don't doubt... A guard opens the cell door. Gwen: I can no longer trust her. I've started to wonder if it wasn't a coincidence that Uther and Morgana found us in the woods. Merlin leaves. The guard locks the cell. Gaius' place. Gaius: Morgana? Uther'll never believe that Morgana's responsible. Merlin: Perhaps Arthur will talk him 'round. Gaius: Uther thinks Arthur's enchanted. Anything that Arthur does is going to strengthen that belief. I fear that's not going to save Gwen. Merlin: If we can't expose the true sorcerer, then we must invent one. Gaius: Oh? Merlin: What if a sorcerer was caught planting an identical poultice in Arthur's Chambers? Uther would've no choice but to release Gwen. Gaius: And do you know of a sorcerer who's stupid enough to get caught doing such a thing? Merlin: Me. Merlin's Chamber. Merlin takes the magic book from the floor boards under his bed. Merlin: So, if I disguise myself, it won't matter if I'm caught. I can use magic to escape, and then just change back into myself. They'll think that the sorcerer has just vanished into thin air. Gaius: Well, no matter how you disguise yourself, I fear Arthur will recognise you. Merlin: Not if I'm eighty years old. Gaius: An aging spell? Merlin, aging spells are notoriously difficult and unpredictable. If the spell doesn't hold, you'll be exposed. Merlin: If I don't do something, Gwen's going to die, and I'm not going to let that happen. Can you make a poultice identical to the one found in Arthur's Chambers? Gaius: Well, I believe so. Merlin: Okay. Merlin begins grinding magic dust and then tells an incantation and sets the dust on fire. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius' place. Gaius finishes tying a poultice. His jaw drops at the sight of Old Merlin exiting his chamber. Old Merlin makes grunting noises. Merlin: You know me better than anyone, Gaius. Do you recognise me? Gaius: There's something of you in the eyes. But perhaps that's just because I know it's you. Merlin: I can't believe that one day I will actually look like this. Ooh. I ache, all over. Gaius: Ah. Well, now you know how I feel. Gaius gives to Merlin the poultice. Gaius: You'll be needing this. Corridor of Camelot. Old Merlin walks to Arthur's Chambers. He peeks around corner and sees Arthur giving instructions to a pair of guards. Old Merlin allows Arthur to spot him entering the chamber: he goes to Arthur's bed and waits. Arthur creeps into the room, sword drawn. Old Merlin babbles a fake spell, Arthur puts his sword at Old Merlin's back. Arthur: Show yourself. Who are you? Merlin: I am... He spins around. Merlin: Dragoon! The Great! Arthur: Is it you who planted the poultice in my bed? Merlin: You have caught me red-handed. I have no choice but to confess. Arthur puts him back at sword point. Arthur: An innocent girl almost died because of your actions. Merlin: I suppose your father will have to release her now that you've caught me. Arthur: I should run you through where you stand. Merlin: I really wouldn't do that if I were you! Because if you do that...! Arthur looks puzzled at Old Merlin. Merlin: You will never learn of my plan. Arthur: What plan? Merlin: Exactly! That's why you can't run me through! Arthur lowers the sword. Arthur: Have we met? They look each other. Merlin: No, I don't believe so. I never forget a face. Arthur: Your eyes. We've met somewhere before. Merlin: Me? No! Old Merlin looks for a heavy object. Merlin: Fly grimma! Merlin's spell knocks Arthur with a helmet and he flees the scene. Arthur recovers. Arthur: Guards! Merlin avoids the guards in the corridors, and spells. But he's unable to break the aging spell. Arthur: He went this way! Old Merlin runs and hides behind another wall, always spelling, but it doesn't work. He peeks around the corner at Arthur. Arthur: There he is! Old Merlin tries to run, but Arthur throws his dagger that pins Merlin's sleeve to the door. Arthur: Seize him. The guards grab Old Merlin. Council Chamber. Uther goes over documents with council members. Arthur: Father. Uther: Arthur. Guards escort Old Merlin into the chamber. Uther: Who is this? Arthur: He is the sorcerer. Arthur gives to Uther the poultice Gaius made. Arthur: I found him placing this under my pillow. Uther: Is this true? Merlin: Yes. Morgana is confused. Arthur: What did you hope to achieve with this enchantment? Merlin: If Arthur were to fall in love with a lowly serving girl, it would bring shame on Camelot. Uther: Have I wronged you in some way, old man? Merlin: You have wronged so many people in so many ways. You're blinded by your hatred of magic. You have tortured and executed innocent people. You, Uther Pendragon, are a stupid, arrogant old tyrant! Arthur: You will hold your tongue! Merlin: And you. Oh, I have heard how you...mistreat your servants! They do everything for you, but do they ever get any thanks? No! You're a spoilt arrogant brat...! Gaius rolls his eyes. Merlin: ...with the brains of a donkey and the face *hic* *cough* of a toad. Guards pull Old Merlin away from Arthur. Uther: This serving girl. She is your accomplice? Old Merlin shakes his head. Merlin: I enchanted her too. The girl is entirely innocent. Arthur: My Lord, he has confessed. Morgana is still confused. Uther sulks and picks up the poultice. Uther: Release the girl. Tomorrow at dawn you will take your place on the pyre. Take him away. Arthur and guards escort Old Merlin to the dungeons. Morgana and Gaius follow to watch them in the Corridor. Morgana: Do you know that man, Gaius? Gaius: I've never seen him before. Is there something troubling you, Morgana? I would've thought you'd be relieved that the true culprit's been found. Morgana: Of course I am. Prison. The guards shove Old Merlin into a cell. Merlin looks out at the pyre in the Place. Corridor. Gaius walks. Arthur: Gaius? Have you seen Merlin, I can't find him anywhere. Gaius: I- I think he said he was going to spend the day in the tavern. Arthur: Oh, did he? Well, we'll see about that. Prison. Gaius visits Old Merlin's cell. Gaius (whispers): Merlin! What happened? Merlin cries. Merlin: I can't break the spell, Gaius. It's too powerful. Gaius: You have to try again. Merlin: I have tried, it's no good. I'm stuck like this. Gaius: Not for long. Uther will have you burnt at the stake. Merlin: There must be another way to break the spell. Gaius: There's only one thing I can think of. Merlin: What is it? Gaius: In the book of Gala there's an antidote that can undo such aging spells. Merlin: How long will it take to make this antidote? Gaius: Longer than I fear you have. Buy as much time as you can. Merlin: How do I do that? Gaius: Merlin, I've no idea. Gaius' place. Gaius brews potion, trying to make it a certain colour. Prison. A crowd is gathered around the pyre in the morning. Merlin waits in his cell. Arthur enters with guards. Arthur: It's time. Merlin: Wait! Arthur: What is it? Merlin: There are other crimes I wish to confess. Arthur: What difference does it make? You're about to be burnt at the stake. We can't execute you twice. Gaius' place. Gaius finishes anti-aging potion. Corridor. Gaius sees Old Merlin being escorted to the Place. The Place. Merlin is escorted towards the pyre, accompanied by a drum roll. Uther: You have been found guilty of using magic and enchantments. In accordance with our law, you will be burned at the stake. Let this serve as a lesson to all those who seek to destroy Camelot. Old Merlin sees Gaius weave through the crowd show him the antidote bottle. Merlin turns at lunges at Gaius. Merlin: A curse upon you all! Merlin grabs the bottle. Merlin: I will have my revenge! Guards pull Old Merlin towards the pyre. Arthur: Are you alright, Gaius? Gaius: I'm fine, Arthur. Merlin spells and the pyre bursts into huge flames. Everyone pulls back and Old Merlin pushes through crowd. Arthur: After him! Corridor. Old Merlin runs down the corridor, but can't get through the door at the end. He drinks the antidote as Arthur and guards approach. Arthur turns the corner to find young Merlin with the red robe tucked behind his back. Arthur: Merlin, where's the sorcerer? Merlin (gravelly voice): He w... Merlin coughs and clears his throat. Merlin: Erm...he went that way. Merlin points to the wall behind him. Arthur turns to the guards. Arthur: Sound the warning bell. Search the entire palace. I want him found. Are you telling me you let him run straight past you? Merlin: He was, he was, he was too fast for me. Arthur: He's a doddery old man. This is what happens when you spend all day in the tavern. Merlin: What? Arthur: Perhaps mucking out my horses will help sober you up. Morgana's Bedroom. Morgana enters while Gwen is gathering the dirty laundry. Morgana: Gwen. Morgana gives Gwen a fake hug. Morgana: I can't tell you how relieved I am that you've been pardoned. Gwen is suspicious. Morgana: I begged Uther to release you, but he wouldn't listen to reason. Gwen: I'm sure you did all you could. They both nod. Gwen: I... Gwen indicates the laundry basket and exits. Still confused, Morgana closes the dividing door. Corridor. Gwen walks with the laundry. Arthur pops out of an alcove and pulls her into it. Gwen gasps. Arthur: Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you. Now, my father believes that my feelings for you are a result of an enchantment. If he's to see any sign that that isn't the case, then he'll banish you from Camelot. Gwen: And are your feelings for me the result of an enchantment? Arthur: Oh, we both know that's a lie. But...I think it would be safer for you if we let others continue to believe it. Gwen nods. Gwen: What you said to your father...would you really have given up your place on the throne for me? Arthur: Still would. Gwen's jaw drops. Gwen: Your place is here in Camelot. Arthur: My place is with you. Gwen: This isn't just about us. You must stay for the sake of your people. You will be a great king. And then you can change these ridiculous customs. Arthur: I promise you that when I am King, things will be different. We can be together. Gwen: I will count the days until then. Arthur and Gwen lean in to kiss. They hear a noise nearby and break apart. Gwen: I should go. Arthur watches Gwen leave as he steps back into hiding and a guard walks down the corridor. Gaius' place. Merlin enters. Gaius: Ah, Merlin. It's good to see you looking like your old self. Merlin: I'm covered in horse dung. Gaius: Precisely. Merlin: Arthur seems to think I spent the day in the tavern. I don't suppose you, er...you know where he got that idea? Gaius: I really can't imagine. Oh, and Merlin? You might want to take a bath.
Plan: A: Morgana; Q: Who planted evidence in Arthur's room that led to Gwen being accused of being a sorceress? A: Queen of Camelot; Q: What does Morgana have visions of Gwen being crowned as? A: Morgause; Q: Who tells Morgana that she must split Gwen and Arthur up? A: a way; Q: What does Morgana need to find to split Gwen and Arthur up? A: Uther; Q: Who did Morgana lead to Arthur and Gwen's date? A: the king; Q: Who banned Gwen from Camelot? A: Morgana's plan; Q: What backfires? A: Merlin; Q: Who uses an ageing spell to disguise himself as the real culprit? A: the real culprit; Q: What does Merlin disguise himself as to save Gwen? A: the spell; Q: What does Merlin have trouble reversing? A: only Gaius' timely help; Q: What saves Merlin from being burned at the stake? Summary: Morgana has visions about Gwen being crowned as Queen of Camelot. Morgause tells her that to prevent this she must find a way to split Gwen and Arthur up. Morgana first leads Uther to Arthur and Gwen's date, causing the king to banish Gwen from Camelot. When it seems that Morgana's plan has backfired, Gwen is accused of being a sorceress thanks to evidence that Morgana planted in Arthur's room. Merlin uses an ageing spell to disguise himself as the real culprit and save Gwen. However, he has trouble reversing the spell, and only Gaius' timely help saves him for being burned at the stake.
THE TENTH PLANET BY KITT PEDLER first broadcast - 8th October 1966 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. ROCKET LAUNCHING BAY (A rocket blasts off into space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. TRACKING ROOM (The tracking room is large. At one end there is a radar screen on a wall and some monitors. In the middle of the room there is lots of equipment, including a radio with a microphone and a telephone. At the other end there is a small observations room which has a monitor in it and a communications device on a wall. A stairway leads into the middle of the tracking room from a landing. Various people are in the room. General Cutler is at the radio and Doctor Barclay is nearby. Dyson is at a console in front of the radar screen. A technician keys in information into some equipment. On the radar screen a blip appears at the bottom, representing the rocket that has just been launched. The rocket is called Zeus 4 and has two astronauts aboard, Dan "Bluey" Schultz, an Australian, and Glyn Williams, a Bermudan.) MAN: (Over radio.) Handing Zeus 4 to Polar base. Will you take control now, please? CUTLER: We have Zeus 4, thank you Geneva. (General Cutler is American, middle aged and not someone you would want to get on the wrong side of. Unfortunately most people do.) DYSON: Snowcap to Zeus 4. Over to local control channel J for Jimmy. GLYN: (Over radio.) Over to J for Jimmy now. CUTLER: (To Zeus 4.) Good morning gentlemen. You lucky devils! Have a nice trip. BLUEY: (Over radio.) Why not come up and join us? CUTLER: Ha ha! The penguins might miss me! (Glyn and Bluey laugh.) CUTLER: Take over, will you Barclay? (Cutler moves away and Barclay sits by the microphone.) BARCLAY: Dyson, give Texas tracking the next orbital pattern will you? DYSON: Right, will do. BARCLAY: (To Zeus 4.) Snowcap to Zeus 4. Morning Blue, morning Glyn. How do you read me? BLUEY: Loud and clear Snowcap, loud and clear. Hey, we have a great view of your weather. How is it your end? BARCLAY: There's a blizzard and an 8-force wind. Repeat your velocity for ground check please. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. ZEUS 4 INTERIOR (The rockets' interior is full of controls. There are two seats which Glyn and Bluey are sitting in. To either side of the seats is a porthole. Above the seats is a sort of pull down telescope that both astronauts can look through.) BLUEY: Well, let's see. We have 18,250 at er, 0132. GLYN: Williams coming in. Cosmic mor... management now complete. Are you ready to receive data? BARCLAY: (Over radio.) Go ahead. GLYN: OK Bluey, let him have it. (Bluey operates some switches.) GLYN: Are you receiving it? BARCLAY: Yes, A1 OK. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. POLAR LANDSCAPE (Mountains are all around. Everything is covered in snow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. GUARD ROOM (The guard room is quite small. It has several bunks in it for the guards and there is a periscope in the middle of the room. On one bunk an Italian, Tito, is singing while reading a magazine. On the wall by him are pictures of women in bikinis. Several other guards are there, including an American Sergeant who is looking through the periscope, slowly turning it round to scan the surface above.) SERGEANT: Man, it's blowing like crazy out there. All I can see is snow, snow and more snow. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. POLAR LANDSCAPE (The periscope turns slowly round. A thick blizzard is blowing. Suddenly the TARDIS materialises, just after the periscope passes its position.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: Quite an arctic storm blowing out there. Hmm! Come along Polly, my child, with my cloak. (Polly enters, dressed in a fur coat and hat.) POLLY: Hey Doctor, you've got the most fantastic wardrobe! DOCTOR: Yes, well I'm glad you approve my child. POLLY: These are gorgeous. Where do you shop, Carnaby street?! Ha ha! BEN: Who do you think you are, Nanook of the North or something?! DOCTOR: Oh now, now, now. Tcha, tcha, tcha. Stop being so flippant. We don't know what we are in for outside there. Now come along, come along, come along. POLLY: Here you are, Doctor. (Polly passes the Doctor his cloak and hat. He puts them on.) POLLY: Are you sure you're going to be warm enough? DOCTOR: Oh, like toast my dear. Now, did you find everything you want? POLLY: Yes thanks! DOCTOR: All right, well let's go outside and investigate. Go along. (The Doctor pulls the switch to open the doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. POLAR LANDSCAPE (Polly and Ben emerge from the TARDIS. They struggle to move in the blizzard.) POLLY: The Doctor was right about this being the coldest place on earth. I'm freezing already. BEN: Yeah. POLLY: Hey, what's this? (Polly walks towards an aerial.) BEN: Well watch it Polly! POLLY: It's some kind of an aerial. There must be something buried underneath there. Hey, look over there, there's something moving. (Polly and Ben walk towards the periscope. The Doctor emerges from the TARDIS and locks the doors. Polly inspects the periscope.) BEN: Don't touch it Polly! It looks like some kind of periscope. POLLY: Is there some kind of a submarine or something down there? [SCENE_BREAK] 9. GUARD ROOM (The Sergeant moves the periscope round and sees Polly, Ben and the Doctor.) SERGEANT: Hey Tito, will you come over here? TITO: Oh, what is it? SERGEANT: Come over here quick! I can see people! TITO: Sure, sure, lots of people! SERGEANT: And there's a woman! TITO: A woman... A WOMAN! Hey! (Tito puts his magazine down and jumps off the bunk. He looks through the periscope.) TITO: Hey, hey! Mama Mia bellissima! (Polly can be seen in the periscope's sights. The Sergeant takes over at the periscope. He turns it and sees the TARDIS.) SERGEANT: Looks... looks like some kind of a hut. Quick, take those small arms, get upstairs and get... bring them down. Get moving! (Three guards move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. POLAR LANDSCAPE (The guards emerge from a trapdoor hidden beneath the snow. They are now dressed in fur cloaks and are carrying guns. Ben and Polly turn round and see them.) BEN: I think we'd better go with 'em. (The Doctor, Polly and Ben are forced down the trapdoor at gun point. The guards follow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. GUARD ROOM (The Doctor, Ben and Polly make their way down some stairs followed by the guards.) SERGEANT: Move it, come on, hurry it up, come on, let's go, let's go, come on pops, will you move it, will you move it pops, let's go, come on! DOCTOR: Please stop that. Please, please stop that. SERGEANT: Just a moment pops. Now who are you, and what are you doing here? POLLY: Oh, we just landed outside. (Polly, Ben and the Doctor brush the snow off their clothes.) SERGEANT: What in? POLLY: Well it's a sort of spaceship actually. TITO: Ha ha! Some spaceship, box! SERGEANT: You can knock off the jokes. BEN: She's not joking. SERGEANT: Look buddy, I want the truth, and quick. DOCTOR: Can you tell us precisely where we are please? SERGEANT: You're at the South Pole base of international space command, and frankly pops... DOCTOR: Doctor. SERGEANT: ...Doctor, your story's gonna have to be awful good. POLLY: So you mean we are on Earth? BEN: Well you heard, the South Pole. SERGEANT: Oh boy. Tito, get the CO. TITO: He's a-not going to like it. SERGEANT: (Shouting.) Get him! DOCTOR: Why don't you speak up, I'm deaf! (Polly laughs and the Doctor looks questioningly at Ben.) DOCTOR: (Whispering.) Who's the CO? BEN: The Commanding Officer, the boss. (Tito picks up a phone.) TITO: Hallo... Sir? Er, Private Tito, duty guard here. Could you give a message to the General please? BEN: General? SERGEANT: General Cutler, the CO. TITO: Sir? I know, but this is an emergency! What's that? The General's not there? (Cutler enters.) TITO: Well canna you tell me where he is then? CUTLER: Right here, Private. (Tito puts the phone down and stands to attention.) CUTLER: What is it Sergeant? SERGEANT: Ah, well sir... (Cutler sees the Doctor, Ben and Polly.) CUTLER: Who are these people? SERGEANT: Well sir, they just appeared outside. CUTLER: What? SERGEANT: Yes sir, as I said they just appeared, from a hut. CUTLER: A hut?! SERGEANT: Yes sir. Never been there before. TITO: That's a right General. That's just the way it happened. (Cutler walks past the Doctor, Polly and Ben, surveying each of them as he goes past.) CUTLER: Well? Who are you? BEN: Able seaman Ben Jackson sir, Royal Navy. CUTLER: Then why aren't you with your ship? BEN: That's a bit difficult to explain sir. CUTLER: Yeah, I'll bet my sweet life it is. DOCTOR: We don't intend you any harm General, I can assure you of that. CUTLER: You can assure me of what you like but whether I'll believe you or not is another question. DOCTOR: Huh, huh! CUTLER: I haven't got time to deal with these now, but when I do you'd better have a good explanation. DOCTOR: I don't like your tone, sir. CUTLER: And I don't like your face, nor your hair! DOCTOR: Hmm! CUTLER: Sergeant, bring him into Tracking and put him under guard in the observation room. I'll deal with them as soon as I have time. SERGEANT: Yes sir! (Cutler leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. TRACKING ROOM (Cutler enters, closely followed by the Doctor, Ben and Polly who are being escorted by Tito.) TITO: OK, come on, move, ivante, ivante, svarro. TECHNICIAN: (upon seeing Polly.) Wahey! Ha ha ha! CUTLER: All right, all right. Don't sit there like a lot of frustrated penguins. Get on with it. POLLY: Hey, this is smashing. It looks just like that rocket place in America. BEN: Yeah, but I wonder why there are so few people. I mean it's not like what you see on the telly, is it? SERGEANT: I don't know what you see on your TV, son, but this is General Cutler's outfit. Come on, you'd better take a seat. (Ben and Polly sit down.) SERGEANT: He don't like a lot of personnel, cuts down to the bare minimum and works them right into the ground. We only spend a couple of months on this station anyway. We can't stand more than that. BEN: Ha ha ha! POLLY: I see. Hey, perhaps we can catch a lift back to England. BEN: Oh, I can't see the squire there giving us a free lift to anywhere. (The Doctor appears by Ben.) DOCTOR: Well I don't want to depress you both but I'm afraid we're not quite where you think we are. BEN: What do you mean? POLLY: What? DOCTOR: Well, just take a peek at that. Huh huh! Hmm! (A calendar on the wall shows December 1986.) POLLY: 1986! Oh no, and I thought we'd be able to get home. BEN: Yeah, we're still at sea. Here, but that'll explain the few people. Them computers must do all the work now. Here, I wonder if they got to the moon yet. SERGEANT: Sure, don't you listen to the news? BEN: You mean you have sent people to the moon? SERGEANT: Yeah, an expedition just returned. POLLY: Well what's this flight then? SERGEANT: Oh, this is just a normal atmosphere testing probe. DOCTOR: Yes, I see, a rocket testing site. Hum hum! SERGEANT: (Looking towards the radar screen at the other end of the room.) Hey, what's that? (Various technicians, including Barclay, are by the radar screen.) BARCLAY: (To Zeus 4.) An error? Where? GLYN: (Over radio.) Looks bad. We're now over south isle of New Zealand and reading a height of 1100 miles. BARCLAY: 1100? But that's impossible! Dyson, check what it should be, will you? DYSON: It should be 980. BARCLAY: No, it can't be, let me try. DYSON: Let me do it. (Dyson operates some controls as Barclay and Cutler look on.) BARCLAY: No, you're right. 980 miles... they're out of position by more than a hundred miles! DYSON: Mmm, looks like it. BARCLAY: (To Zeus 4.) Snowcap to Zeus 4. Can you read me? GLYN: (Over radio.) Zeus 4 to Snowcap. Strength 8, over. BARCLAY: Take visual checks on Mars to establish position. Report back. GLYN: Will do, out. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. ZEUS 4 INTERIOR GLYN: Did you get that Dan? BLUEY: Yeah. GLYN: OK, go ahead. Should be about 4-2-0. (Bluey lowers down some sort of telescope. He looks out of it.) BLUEY: No, it's 4-3-2. GLYN: It can't be. Try again. BLUEY: I am. GLYN: Come on, shake it up, we'll be back in sunrise in a bit. BLUEY: Cut it out Glyn. GLYN: (To Snowcap.) Did you read conversation? BARCLAY: (Over radio.) Yes. We're getting a Mars fix too. We'll call back. BLUEY: Hey, Glyn? GLYN: Yeah? BLUEY: Well er, take it easy but, er... GLYN: Come on, what is it? BLUEY: It wasn't Mars I had. GLYN: Ha ha ha ha ha! Well that explains it, doesn't it. Come on now Dan, try again. BLUEY: No, listen Glyn, there's something else out there. GLYN: What do you mean? BLUEY: There's another planet out there! GLYN: Ano... another planet? BLUEY: Yeah. (Glyn is now concerned so he looks through the telescope.) GLYN: Yeah, you're right. There is something. I can't see properly but it reads as if it was in orbit between Mars and Venus. BLUEY: Yeah, that's it. Funny how I can't put me finger on it but it looks kinda familiar. GLYN: Yeah. (Bluey looks out of a porthole and sees it is dawn.) BLUEY: Came the dawn. GLYN: Yeah. Well I guess we've had any, huh, Earth observations for a bit. (To Snowcap.) Hello Snowcap. Hello Snowcap. We're now in dawn over San Francisco. Can you get the subject from where you are? BARCLAY: (Over radio.) Snowcap to Zeus 4. You are very faint. Put up your power output please. GLYN: It is up. BARCLAY: Reading you strength 3. Come in please. GLYN: Repeat, can you get the subject on your retina scope? BARCLAY: Can do. GLYN: Hey... hey Dan. That's odd. BLUEY: Yeah? GLYN: Fuel cells are showing a power loss! [SCENE_BREAK] 14. TRACKING ROOM (Cutler, Dyson, Barclay and a technician are looking at the radar screen. At the other end of the room the Doctor has finished writing something down.) DOCTOR: Here we are. Well now, excuse me my dear... (Polly moves out of his way.) DOCTOR: ...er, take this to your General please. (The Doctor shows the Sergeant a folded piece of paper.) SERGEANT: Me? Are you crazy? DOCTOR: Very well then, take me to the General. I think perhaps I can help him. SERGEANT: Oh I... I don't know. DOCTOR: Now look here Sergeant, this is urgent, I insist. (The Sergeant rushes over to Cutler. The Doctor follows.) SERGEANT: General, sir. CUTLER: Yes, what is it? SERGEANT: The old boy would like to have a word with you. Claims it's urgent. CUTLER: OK, bring him over. But make it fast. DOCTOR: I think I know what you are going to see. CUTLER: How can you possibly? BARCLAY: What?! CUTLER: Oh, get him back over there. (The General indicates for the Sergeant to escort the Doctor to the other side of the tracking room.) DOCTOR: (To Barclay.) I've written down here what he will see. (The Doctor passes Barclay the folded scrap of paper. The Sergeant grabs his arms.) DOCTOR: Take your hands off me please! DYSON: Barclay! It's not very clear but it's a planet all right. (On a monitor there is an image of an oddly familiar looking planet.) CUTLER: How could it be? Planets don't just appear. BARCLAY: It must be on a weak orbit. DYSON: It's approaching quite fast. Barclay, couldn't it be... BARCLAY: I know what you're thinking. Zeus 4 is out of orbit and a new planet has appeared. Therefore the new planet is influencing Zeus 4. Right? DYSON: That's about it. BARCLAY: We must get them down! CUTLER: An emergency splash zone? BARCLAY: (Rushing off.) Yes. (To Zeus 4.) Snowcap calling Zeus 4, come in please. Zeus 4 come in please. Do you read me? GLYN: (Over radio.) Yes, we read you loud and clear. BARCLAY: You are strength 2 only. Come in please, speak up. GLYN: Fuel cells are showing a power loss. BARCLAY: Power loss? How much? GLYN: Main tanks are down approximately... [SCENE_BREAK] 15. ZEUS 4 INTERIOR GLYN: ...twenty percent. BARCLAY: (Over radio.) We are going to bring you down. GLYN: Roger. We need co-ordinates to correct orbit. BARCLAY: Stand by. BLUEY: What the heck's going on Glyn? GLYN: I don't know. Let's get down there and find out. BLUEY: Yeah. BARCLAY: (Over radio.) Snowcap to Zeus 4, corrected co-ordinates are 0-0-4-8-2-0-8-2-3. GLYN: Right. We're now correct, out. Ready to do an altitude thrust er, Bluey? BLUEY: Ready. GLYN: OK... go. (Bluey pulls a lever and both men move forward with the motion of the ship.) GLYN: Again. (Bluey pulls the lever again and both men move forward.) BLUEY: Look, look! (The ship is rolling in space.) BLUEY: We're tumbling! GLYN: No! U... use the manual controls! (Bluey tries to pull the controls but can't. He doesn't seem to have enough strength.) BLUEY: I can't, I've... (The rocket continues to tumble. Glyn helps Bluey pull the control.) GLYN: Come on. Come on. (Glyn and Bluey strain to pull the control. Eventually it moves back.) GLYN: What the heck's going on? I feel absolutely clamped down. BLUEY: It's like something's sucked out all the power out of my body. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. TRACKING ROOM (Everyone is busy working out figures and computations. People are muttering in the background.) CUTLER: (Into microphone.) Zeus 4 will splash down at 14:45 your time. DYSON: (To a technician.) Thank you, keep checking. CUTLER: Yes? Yes, all helicopters to area 6 immediately. DYSON: Hello, Rome computer base. Final descent path please. Compute and report. BARCLAY: (To Zeus 4.) Snowcap to Zeus 4. Your flight path is now correcting. BLUEY: (Over radio.) Power loss is increasing and something's happened to our limbs. We're both finding great difficulty in moving. BARCLAY: Well you've you've been up there a fair time. It's probably just space fatigue. BLUEY: No, it's quite different. We had to operate the manual controls together. Neither of us could have done it alone. BARCLAY: Well, I, er... we have your descent path now. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. ZEUS 4 INTERIOR GLYN: You'll have to bring us in this time round. We can't hang on any longer. BARCLAY: (Over radio.) You must! We can't bring you in this time, you'll overshoot. BLUEY: We'll never make it, Glyn. GLYN: No... yes we will Bluey. Come on now. We we...we'll check the re-entry controls. Ready? BLUEY: Yeah. GLYN: Retros 1 and 3. BLUEY: OK. GLYN: Main chute cover. BLUEY: Yeah. GLYN: Field sheet bolts. BLUEY: Right. GLYN: Hey... hey Bluey, what do you make our position? BLUEY: (Looking out of the porthole.) We're swinging out again! GLYN: Emergency! Emergency! We've lost flight path again, give correction please, urgent! [SCENE_BREAK] 18. TRACKING ROOM BARCLAY: Will do, stand by. (Barclay removes his glasses.) BARCLAY: It must be the planet. Its gravity is affecting the capsule. DYSON: What shall we do about it? BARCLAY: Well first of all we must give Zeus 4 a new correction path. Will you do that? DYSON: Right away. BARCLAY: You try and get a better fix on that so-called planet and see what it is. TECHNICIAN: Right sir. (Barclay walks over towards the Doctor, Ben and Polly. They are in the observations room.) CUTLER: It's better now. BARCLAY: You say you know what this planet is. Well what is it? DOCTOR: Well I'm not quite sure sir. Let me have another look into this instrument. (The Doctor indicates a monitor screen.) DYSON: (To Zeus 4.) Zeus 4, Zeus 4, can you hear, over? BARCLAY: (Into a communications device.) Feed the retina scope into the observations room's monitor. (General Cutler enters as the Doctor is studying the monitor.) CUTLER: Look Dr Barclay, let's just get those boys down. DOCTOR: Er, er, General, General, yes, it's just as I thought. Come and have a look at these land masses. (On the monitor a planet is rotating. Barclay and Cutler look at it.) CUTLER: Land masses? I don't see... I see what you mean. DOCTOR: Now, doesn't that remind you of anything, hmm? CUTLER: Remind? No, I don't think so. BEN: Yeah, it looks familiar somehow. POLLY: Yeah. Hey Ben, look, that bit looks just like... Malaysia! BEN: Oh, give over. No, hang on, isn't that... well it looks like South America but it can't be though! BARCLAY: Yes, there is a similarity. CUTLER: Nonsense, how could there be? BARCLAY: This is unbelievable. That's surely Africa? POLLY: Yes, certainly and that is Malaysia! CUTLER: Ridiculous. There must be some reflection off Earth. BARCLAY: No it can't be, there's nothing to reflect on! DOCTOR: And now my dear Dr Barclay I suggest you look at that piece of paper I gave you. BARCLAY: Paper? Oh yes... (Barclay reads what's on the paper.) BARCLAY: You knew! DOCTOR: Certainly. CUTLER: Knew what? BARCLAY: He has correctly written down what we have just seen and he did it before we saw it. CUTLER: Oh, it's a... simple confidence trick, that's all. BARCLAY: No, I know when he gave me the paper. Now, you clearly know something more about the situation. Can you be more explicit? DOCTOR: Yes sir, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can. You see, millions of years ago there was a twin planet to Earth and... CUTLER: Oh, for heaven's sake! (Cutler leaves the observations room. Outside Dyson is talking to Zeus 4 through the radio.) DYSON: Roger, Zeus 4. We will give you more information. Over and out. CUTLER: Get me Geneva on the radio link. (Barclay walks over and sits down.) BARCLAY: I do think we ought to take the old boy as well. CUTLER: We'll see what Wigner has to say about this. (In the observations room the Sergeant is watching the Doctor, Polly and Ben.) POLLY: You're looking terribly worried Doctor. DOCTOR: Am I my dear? Yes, I'm afraid I am rather worried. BEN: What is it Doctor? What's up? DOCTOR: Well you see Ben, I know what this planet is and what it means to Earth. BEN: And what does it mean to Earth? DOCTOR: Well, that pretty soon we shall be having visitors. BEN: Visitors? What, here? Well who do you think's bringing 'em, Father Christmas on his sledge?! DOCTOR: Oh quiet boy, quiet! (Cutler is on a phone to International Space Control, Geneva.) CUTLER: ISC Geneva... Put me through to the general secretary. Immediately. Yes, that's right. DOCTOR: Er, may I ask who that was? SERGEANT: You're late serge, I was due for my break five minutes ago. (A guard walks in and takes over the Sergeant's place.) SERGEANT: Doctor, you don't know nothing about what's going on. That's the secretary general of International Space Command, Mr Wigner. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. ISC, GENEVA (Several people from different countries are going about their business. In the centre of the room is a desk and Wigner is seated there. Behind him is a world map. Wigner is on the phone to Cutler.) WIGNER: This is very hard to believe General. Are you quite sure? CUTLER: (Over phone.) Yes sir, there's no doubt at all. WIGNER: Very well. Just a moment please. (To staff.) Get onto Mount Polomar. Ask them to provide us with a picture as soon as possible. (A man walks off.) WIGNER: Contact Jodrell bank and ask them to get an exact fix on this. We must have data, and quickly. (The other man walks off. Wigner continues his conversation with Cutler.) WIGNER: Let me know the moment you have any more information General. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. TRACKING ROOM CUTLER: I'll do that sir but there's one more thing. WIGNER: (Over phone.) Yes? CUTLER: We have three intruders. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. ISC, GENEVA WIGNER: Intruders? At the pole? Where did they come from? [SCENE_BREAK] 22. TRACKING ROOM CUTLER: Well I haven't interrogated yet sir but, er, one of them seems to know a good deal about this new planet. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. ISC, GENEVA WIGNER: How can he possibly know? CUTLER: I don't know but I'm going to find out. WIGNER: Do that. Relay at once any further information. [SCENE_BREAK] 24. TRACKING ROOM CUTLER: I'll do that sir. (Cutler puts the phone down and walks over to the observation room.) CUTLER: Now, suppose you tell me how you really came here. DOCTOR: Yes, well I'm afraid all that's going to be rather difficult. CUTLER: Now just a minute. You turn up out of nowhere, a routine space shot goes wrong, a new planet appears and you tell us you know all about it. That puts you slap bang in the hot seat, right? DOCTOR: Hot seat? POLLY: But we've got nothing to do with it. CUTLER: That you're going to have to prove. DOCTOR: Well, I think if you allowed us to return where we came from, huh, huh! I... CUTLER: You're not going anywhere. (Cutler goes over to the communications device on the wall.) CUTLER: Sergeant? SERGEANT: (Over device.) Yes sir? CUTLER: Have you searched that hut yet? SERGEANT: No sir. CUTLER: Well why not?! Look, I don't want any excuses, get out there and do it immediately. (Cutler walks back over to the Doctor.) CUTLER: Now, perhaps we'll get to the bottom of this. [SCENE_BREAK] 25. GUARD ROOM (The Sergeant puts the phone down.) SERGEANT: Come on Tito, we have to go break into a hut. (Tito is back on his bunk reading. Two other guards are also there.) TITO: What, that thing out there? SERGEANT: Yeah, that's right. Come on, hurry up and get dressed up. TITO: Oh, mama. [SCENE_BREAK] 26. POLAR LANDSCAPE (A spaceship lands on the surface. It is round and flat, the bottom half is white and the middle black, with a white top part that spins. As it lands it makes a humming noise which gradually stops. Several lights flash on it. Nearby the trapdoor opens and the Sergeant and Tito, now dressed in fur coats and hats, go over to the TARDIS. The Sergeant fails to enter the 'hut'.) SERGEANT: It's no good Tito, we'll need a welding torch to get inside this thing. Get back inside and bring me out one. You'll need some help, OK? TITO: OK. (Tito goes back down the trapdoor, leaving the Sergeant on his own.) SERGEANT: Hurry up will ya, before I freeze to death! (A group of Cybermen walk towards the Sergeant. The Sergeant turns round from his efforts to open the TARDIS and sees them in the distance.) SERGEANT: What the heck? Huh, Tito! Is that you Tito? (The Cybermen get closer and the Sergeant begins to make out more of them through the thick blizzard.) SERGEANT: What's going on here? Who is that? (Suddenly he can clearly make out the three Cybermen. They have a sort of cowl over their face, if indeed it isn't their face, and a concertina-like device in front of their chests. On top of their heads is a light. More disturbingly, they are metal - great silver giants walking forwards in unison with each other through the thick snow with no difficulty at all.) SERGEANT: Who the heck are you?! (Panicking, the Sergeant draws his pistol and fires two shots at the lead Cyberman. Trembling, he realises he has done no damage at all. The lead Cyberman hits him on the neck.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27. GUARD ROOM (Tito has got the other two guards to get kitted out in fur coats. He has a blowtorch.) TITO: OK Joe, that should do it. OK, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] 28. POLAR SURFACE (The three guards emerge and Tito walks over to the Sergeant. Strangely, the Cybermen have disappeared.) TITO: Hey, this is where it is guys. (Tito looks at the Sergeant.) TITO: Hey sir, what's going on? (The 'Sergeant' turns around and removes his hood. He is clearly not the Sergeant and is in fact a Cyberman. The other two Cybermen emerge from behind the TARDIS. The Cybermen kill the three guards and kneel down to inspect them. The Cybermen's hands are human.)
Plan: A: December 1986; Q: When did a new planet appear in the Solar System? A: Earth; Q: Mondas is the twin of what planet? A: the Cybermen; Q: What are the inhabitants of Mondas? Summary: In December 1986, a new planet appears in the Solar System which turns out to be a long-lost twin of Earth's named Mondas. Its inhabitants are the Cybermen.
LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill [GATINA Cabin-Docks-Day] (NATHAN down on one knee puts a ring on HALEY's finger) NATHAN: Marry me, Haley (HALEY smiles, touched) Marry me again ... [Outside Church Chapel-Day] (NATHAN and HALEY are walking towards LUCAS' car, everyone throws rose petals at them and they laugh and smile) NATHAN: (v.o) ... In front of all our friends and our family [Tree Hill Road-LUCAS' Car-Day] (NATHAN and HALEY) HALEY: I can't believe your uncle Cooper slept with Rachel [Tree Hill Road-NATHAN and HALEY's Limo-Day] (RACHEL crying with COOPER driving) RACHEL: (voice breaking) I'm pregnant (COOPER stares at RACHEL in shock, then looks down at her stomach) [Molina Bridge-Day] (Limo and LUCAS' car heading towards each other) HALEY: (to NATHAN) LOOK OUT! (NATHAN turns the wheel dramatically) (Cut to RACHEL pulling the wheel from COOPER, the limo looses control, heads towards the side of the Molina bridge and falls in the water upside down with both COOPER and RACHEL still in it) (Cut to NATHAN diving into the water where the limo fell, HALEY walks towards the bridge watching him) (Cut to NATHAN under water as he clicks the seatbelt off of COOPER) LUCAS: (v.o) You're the one who saved everybody ... [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-Emergency Room] (NATHAN on bed, LUCAS and HALEY at his side) LUCAS: ... you're a hero, Nate (NATHAN looks forward and thinks) [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-Emergency Room] (DAN pushes DEB to the wall holding her by the neck) (DEB screams) DAN: You tried to kill me ... [DAN SCOTT Motors-Night] (Flames heading towards a passed out DAN, shot of the outside building as it bursts in flames, DAN lying on the ground with LUCAS attending him) DAN: (v.o) ... in the dealership fire [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-Emergency Room] (DEB and DAN) DAN: So you be afraid, DEB. Be more than afraid (DEB looks at DAN, intimidated and scared) LUCAS: (v.o) It's pretty cool that you and Keith ... [ROE Residence-LUCAS' Bedroom] (LUCAS on bed, KAREN by door) LUCAS: ... are having a baby (KAREN listens) it's kind of like a part of him's coming back to us [Tric-Stage- Post NATHAN and HALEY's Rehearsal Dinner] (PEYTON and BROOKE sitting on stage) PEYTON: (teary) I think I still have feelings for Lucas [PEYTON's Bedroom] (BROOKE slaps PEYTON) BROOKE: (angry/points) You're a back-stabbing, two-faced (points) bitch, Peyton! (PEYTON looks slightly down, sad) [ROE Residence-LUCAS' Bedroom] (LUCAS stands across, BROOKE walks towards him) BROOKE: I know it's been difficult for you (LUCAS listens) losing Keith and your heart condition and giving up basketball LUCAS: (heartbroken/whispers) Brooke BROOKE: (whispers/almost in tears) I'm sorry (motioning to heart) I can't do this anymore [DOCTOR's Office] (DOCTOR walks up with a folder) DOCTOR: (smiling) You're definitely pregnant (Camera moves to a shocked BROOKE who turns to look at an equally shocked HALEY) [Tree Hill High-School Hallway] (Day of school shooting: KEITH, with a mixture of sadness and shock, looks at DAN who's holding a gun) DAN: (v.o) You are no longer my brother (DAN shoots KEITH and the camera fades in white, as it fades back DAN is at his home, as he walks in he sees that on his wall in big, bold red letters someone painted the word "Murderer") [PEYTON's Bedroom] (PEYTON and LUCAS look at each other, sadly, for a moment before they share a hug. As they hug LUCAS is looking down upset and PEYTON closes her eyes, the camera shoots to the computer where you can see them hugging from her web cam. An IM pops up from "WATCHMEWATCHU" who writes "Welcome back") End of "Previously on" [Molina Bridge-day] (The camera is slightly above and under the water, it's looking towards the bridge. NATHAN, underwater, swims in the limo from the windows and heads towards COOPER and RACHEL who are passed out sitting in the car. NATHAN tries to move COOPER and he fiddles with his seatbelt, as NATHAN tries to click the seatbelt off, COOPER's hand grabs him. Scared, NATHAN looks up and sees COOPER facing him, a bright light behind him. COOPER's eyes suddenly open as NATHAN stares) COOPER: We're both dead (NATHAN screams, he's underwater so it's not loud, and swims backwards away from the front and passenger seats) (White flash) (Cut to NATHAN lying down he opens his eyes and gasps he looks around to realize it was just a dream then drops his head back down. Camera is in birds eye view from him as it zooms out) LUCAS: (v.o) There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at crossroads ... (Camera zooms more out to show NATHAN lying down on the floor at the Molina bridge [night] By the broken guard rail) LUCAS: (v.o) ... the choices we make in those moments (NATHAN begins to get up) can define the rest of our days ... (NATHAN stands up completely to look at river. Behind him are these big orange booey looking things constructionist use with "caution" crime tape tied to them) LUCAS: (v.o) ... of course when faced with the unknown (camera fades to a close up of NATHAN's face) most of us prefer to turn around and go back [PEYTON'S Bedroom] (PEYTON sitting on her bed, LUCAS sitting on the floor leaning on her wall of records) PEYTON: (looking at floor by feet/confused) She broke up with you (looks at LUCAS) Well, did she say why she broke up with you? (LUCAS lowers lip with a "who knows" expression) LUCAS: She said she loved me but she didn't miss me anymore (sighs) I don't know--she said it was because of you PEYTON: Because of me? LUCAS: Our kiss in the library (PEYTON looks away realizing BROOKE didn't tell him about her feelings towards him) she said it wasn't that but if that's true then there's something that she's not telling me PEYTON: You know what? Lucas, um ... (LUCAS looks at her) the night of Nathan and Haley's rehearsal dinner I said something to-- (The electricity crackles and the power shuts off, LUCAS looks up and moves his eyes from side to side. Camera quickly shoots to the computer where "WATCHMEWATCHU" has the message "Welcome back" and the computer turns off) LUCAS: Whoa PEYTON: (sighs) It's the fuse box LUCAS: (groans as he stands) Or maybe Brooke cut the power and she's come to kill us both PEYTON: (laughs) Funny, It should kick back on in a second LUCAS: (looking around) Uh-huh PEYTON: Yeah, this (chuckles) this happens once in a while it still kind-a freaks me out (PEYTON leans a little forward to look out the window, she's still sitting on her bed) LUCAS: (mixture of sigh and laugh) It's okay, I'm right here (walks up to PEYTON and holds his hand out, shot of his hand reaching out) gimme your hand (PEYTON's hand reaches out and holds LUCAS' as he pulls her up off the bed. They stand a couple inches from each other and he stares at her and smiles, she smiles and stares back at him. LUCAS stares at her a second more before he speaks) LUCAS: (shakes his head) I'm gonna get her back (PEYTON, realizing LUCAS was thinking of BROOKE, looks down, disappointed but trying to hide it and nods. They still continue to hold hands) PEYTON: Lucas are you sure? ... 'Cause I mean, I--I know you're really hurt right now but-- LUCAS: --You can't ... help who you love, Peyton (The electricity crackles and it turns back on. LUCAS looks around and PEYTON stares at there hands for a moment before they let go) LUCAS: (looking up then at PEYTON) You should probably get that checked PEYTON: Yeah (looks back at her bed and notices the clock) Oh, do you know what time it is? (shot of clock by PEYTON'S bed flashing "12:00") LUCAS: (v.o) Oh, yeah, uh ... (cut to LUCAS looking at his watch/squints) midnight PEYTON: (looking at clock/thinking) Uh ... You know what that means, right? LUCAS: (confused/whispers) No PEYTON: (looks at LUCAS) It's officially Brooke's birthday (LUCAS and BROOKE stare at each other before he looks away) [RACHEL'S Bedroom] (Close up of a clock that shows "12:00" then changes to "12:01" There is a couple of suitcases by the bed and BROOKE stands by the bed and grabs her "Posh" mug which is a mug with a face that resembles her and the word "Posh" written on the handle. BROOKE stares at the mug for a second, sadly) BROOKE: Posh, it looks like it's just you and me (BROOKE puts her "Posh" mug back in the suitcase and pulls out a photo album book, pink of course. She stares at it for a moment the camera points to album cover which is a picture of her as a child, black and white, smiling and underneath reads "Brooke" which looks designed on the album, there are also two butterflies by the upper left side. She opens the album to the first page where there is a birth certificate with a new-born baby picture on the lower right side and on the bottom of the certificate are to baby feet imprints circled in pink BROOKE: (inhales) Happy birthday, Brooke (exhales) Welcome to 18 ... and you've certainly made a mess of it [NATHAN and HALEY's Apartment-Living Room] (NATHAN walks in, morning, holding a jacket. HALEY lying on the couch in front of the TV with a blanket around her holding the remote control) NATHAN: Hey HALEY: (tired) Hey ... I was worried about you (NATHAN puts his jacket on the seat by the couch and stands behind it) NATHAN: Well--I went to visit Cooper HALEY: How is he? NATHAN: There's no change--still unconscious (HALEY looks away) HALEY: I saw Rachel grab the wheel from Cooper and if he doesn't-- ... If he doesn't make it, she's to blame NATHAN: (hesitant/looks down) Did you see anything else? HALEY: (looks at NATHAN) What do you mean? NATHAN: Like, maybe, uh .... someone else in--in the water? (HALEY turns the TV off and positions herself more towards NATHAN'S direction) HALEY: I don't ... I don't understand. I mean, other than Rachel and Cooper you and Lucas were the only one's in the water, why? (NATHAN looks down, telephone rings, NATHAN picks it up) NATHAN: Hello?... Yeah ... (surprised) Oh, okay, great, thank you ... (HALEY looking away looks at him when he hangs up) ... (smiles) Cooper's awake (HALEY changes her serious expression to one of relief and sighs happily, NATHAN smiles again) [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-COOPER's Recover Room] (COOPER is awake and looking out the window, thinking) REEVES: Mr. Lee? (COOPER turns to look) I'm Detective Reeves (DETECTIVE REEVES is standing in front of the bed with Rachel behind him, she has am expression of worry on her face) REEVES: Welcome back (COOPER stares at them) Look, I--uh, I know you're still weak, so I'll, uh, keep this brief (takes out pad and pen from coat) we've been told that you were behind the wheel of the limousine when it left the bridge (shakes head) Is that true? (COOPER'S eyes move from REEVES to RACHEL and he stares at her in anger, she quickly looks at REEVES, who doesn't notice, then she looks down, guilty) COOPER: (barley heard) Yeah REEVES: What happened? (RACHEL, scared, looks at REEVES then at COOPER ) RACHEL: (v.o) I said PULL OVER! (COOPER looks at RACHEL) COOPER: (v.o) NO! WERE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT! RACHEL: I SAID!-- *Flashback-Tree Hill Road-Limo-Day* (RACHEL and COOPER) RACHEL: PULL OVER! (As COOPER starts to speak RACHEL grabs the steering wheel) COOPER: IM NOT PULLING THE CAR OVER! (RACHEL pulls on the wheel as COOPER tries to take control of it as well. Camera moves out to show the limo pulling of the road and it quickly skids back on to the road. The limo drives towards the Molina bridge and LUCAS' car is seen heading towards it but the limo is using there lane. Since the cars are both heading towards each other they spin there wheels to avoid a collision and as LUCAS' car moves to the other lane, the limo hit's the guard rails on the side of the bridge and it falls upside down into the water. RACHEL is seen on the passengers side, she is passed out with water filled all over the limo, COOPER next to her) *End of Flashback* (COOPER continues to stare at RACHEL then looks at REEVES) COOPER: It was my fault (RACHEL looks down) REEVES: (looks away) Mr. Lee-- COOPER: --We were going to fast ... and I lost control (RACHEL, teary, looks up at COOPER who has been looking at her) COOPER: I'm the one to blame (REEVES looks at COOPER with a feeling like he knows he's covering RACHEL's ass) REEVES: (to Cooper but looking at RACHEL) Okay (REEVES looks at COOPER once more then glances at RACHEL and exits. RACHEL, uncomfortably looks at COOPER unsure of what to say) RACHEL: (sadly) Hi (COOPER looks at her and then quickly looks out the window. RACHEL walks up to him) RACHEL: Cooper, I'm so sorry (COOPER doesn't bother to look at her) COOPER: (cold-heartedly) Is everything okay? RACHEL: (smiles) Yeah, I'm fine. I was just scared that you-- (COOPER quickly turns to RACHEL annoyed that she didn't understand his question) COOPER: --The baby ... Rachel? I meant is the baby okay? RACHEL: (teary/sighs) Cooper, when we were arguing I was ... (voice breaking) I was so angry, and I was hurt. So when I said I was pregnant, I was just ... (RACHEL tries to speak but doesn't know how to say it) COOPER: (cold-heartedly) Get out RACHEL: Cooper-- COOPER: I said, get out! (RACHEL, with tears in her eyes, looks at COOPER for a second before she begins to walk out. COOPER looks out the window. She turns to tell him something but she sees him take a big sigh and close his eyes with a mixture of hurt, angry and disappointed. She shakes her head negatively to herself and walks out) [City Hall-DAN's Office] (DAN is at his desk looking through a pile of papers. A package delivery man, MESSENGER, walks in and stands by the door holding a package and under his arm is the electronic thing that companies like Fed ex, or the US mail use to sign away packages-sorry, I don't know what it's called) MESSENGER: Package for Dan Scott? (DAN motions for the MESSENGER to come in) DAN: (barley heard) Yeah (MESSENGER walk in and pulls out the electronic signer from his under arm and holds it out to DAN as he also hands him the package) MESSENGER: Here you are (DAN takes package) And sign this Mr. Murderer? (DAN grabs the electronic signer to sign and as he's about to he quickly looks up at the messenger) DAN: (paranoid) What'd you say? MESSENGER: (confused) Uh, you need to sign for it, Mr. Mayor? (DAN begins to sign) DAN: (mad) From now on I want you to leave all packages up front with one of thee assistants ... (looks up) You got that? MESSENGER: Yes, sir (The MESSENGER walks out and DAN stares at him leave then looks away) [The River Court-Basket Ball Court-Day] (Close up of basketball net, basketball makes it and LUCAS catches the ball and throws it to SKILLS, who was the one that made the shot) SKILLS: So Brooke just broke up whi' 'chu? (LUCAS is leaning on the basketball pole) LUCAS: Yep SKILLS: Man, that's cold, dawg LUCAS: Oh, yeah SKILLS: Although you did kiss Peyton (SKILLS makes a shot and LUCAS grabs the ball) LUCAS: You want me to get you a try-out with the Ravens, or what? (LUCAS throws the ball to SKILLS) SKILLS: Yes, I do, but that still don't mean you didn't kiss Peyton LUCAS: (sighs) I love Brooke, Skills SKILLS: I know you love her--so what? You gonna try and get her back? (A car is heard approaching the court) LUCAS: (looks away for a second) Yeah SKILLS: (looks a little farther from LUCAS) Mmm (PEYTON drives up and parks. LUCAS turns to look at her) SKILLS: Well, I'm not to sure that's the way to do it, but hey (PEYTON walks out of the car. LUCAS and SKILLS watch her) SKILLS: (not meant in a rude or mean tone) WHAT'S UP, HOMEWRECKER?! PEYTON: (smiles) Hi, Skills (SKILLS winks and tosses the ball up) PEYTON: (walking towards LUCAS) I see words out LUCAS: Yeah, sorry about that (PEYTON laughs and stands in front of him) What's up? PEYTON: Well ... I have a question to ask you--but before ... you give me an answer, I just want you to know there is a point to it, okay? LUCAS: (laughs while speaking) Okay (It seems like it's hard or maybe hurtful for PEYTON to say the question but finally musters up the courage to say it) PEYTON: All right, uh ... imagine a future moment in your life where ... all your dreams come true, you know? It's--it's the greatest moment in your life (LUCAS looks away and thinks) and you get to experience it with one person (LUCAS looks at her)... who's standing next to you? LUCAS: Hmm (smiles) Kate Bosworth-- PEYTON: --Shut up! I'm serious (laughs) LUCAS: Well, so am I (smiles) PEYTON: Luke ... (looks down for a second) come on, I mean--It could be anybody, you know--your mom, Haley SKILLS: Yuh boy, skills (SKILLS, who has been by the court , motions to himself. LUCAS and PEYTON turn to look at him and SKILLS just smiles and plays around with the basketball) PEYTON: Who's it gonna be? LUCAS: (turns back to PEYTON) Brooke? (For a split second PEYTON looks hurt like if she had wanted LUCAS to say her name) PEYTON: (smiles) All right ... If that's what you really want then I have away for you to get her back (LUCAS looks down then looks up and raises his eyebrow unsure of what she's is up to) THEME SONG - Gavin DeGraw "I Don't Want to Be" [PEYTON's Bedroom] (PEYTON, SKILLS and LUCAS enter) SKILLS: (referring to room) Niiiice ... a little psychotic but ... nice (notices wall of Records) ooh, you got some hip-hop in here? (PEYTON leans by her computer, SKILLS and LUCAS stand by her wall records) PEYTON: Um, just some old school stuff there's (points towards SKILLS) "Public Enemy" and then uh, (points by door)"A Tribe Called Quest" (points a little more down) De La Soul SKILLS: (looking PEYTON up and down) Peyton Sawyer, (smiles) gettin' sexier by the hour, mind if I look? PEYTON: Have at it (says next part like a run on sentence) But if you find a led Zeppelin album from my second dead mom telling me about a biological half brother (LUCAS closes his eyes and shakes his head negatively) I've never met--just go ahead and skip that one (smiles) SKILLS: You know? That sound like a whole lotta white-girl drama I really don't understand but (looks her up and down) ... okay (SKILLS starts skimming through the records) LUCAS: Speaking of that half brother, did you call him yet? PEYTON: Yes! But I hung up before (scrunches face) he answered LUCAS: (slightly stern) Peyton? PEYTON: Look, I was gonna call him back but you came in here crying like a school girl, (LUCAS looks down) So I just ... (folds arms/shrugs) I haven't (LUCAS folds his arms and starts pacing towards SKILLS and then back towards the bed) LUCAS: Look, Ellie--she was pretty sharp, Peyton, and there's probably a reason she left you his number and there's probably a reason that you called him (PEYTON looks down) and I did not cry like a little schoolgirl PEYTON: (laughs) You find anything good over there, Skills? SKILLS: Oh, I'm actually just pretending to be looking so I can ... hear all yuh business (PEYTON laughs) I'm just waitin' to hear the plan, how you gonna get Brooke back for this (looks at LUCAS) cryin' little school girl here LUCAS: (inhales) Yeah, I'm waitin' to here that plan too, (looks at SKILLS) and-I-was-not-crying-like-a-school-girl (At same time) SKILLS: Yes, you were PEYTON: (stands) Okay, all right, Hey (PEYTON walks towards both boys) PEYTON: Check it out, so, ever since Brooke turned nine we've kind a had this ritual on her birthday (SKILLS and LUCAS listen) where we go to her favorite store at the mall-half an hour before closing, (inhales) she picks out a gift and ... I steal it for her LUCAS: You-shoplift ... Brooke's birthday present? PEYTON: Yeah, sort of, that's-- ... okay, my dad's friends with the manager so I would just come home and tell him ... what we took and then we'd pay for it--but we never told Brooke (slightly crosses eyes) she was all crazy for the juice so (inhales) I just figured, maybe if you go in my place this year (exhales) and you're not a complete (bulges eyes out) bonehead in the romance department (smiles sadly) then maybe you've got a shot LUCAS: And you've done this every year for how many years? PEYTON: This would've beennnnn (thinks) thee tenth LUCAS: (thinks) Bet she's pissed at you ... (walks towards SKILLS) So "A" ... why would you help her? And "B" (walks back to bed/claps hands) What makes you think she's even gonna show up? PEYTON: (softly) I'm not helping her I'm helping you (normal) besides if she does show then not only is there hope for the two of you but maybe there's some hope for me, too LUCAS: What'd you think Skills? SKILLS: ... Man, you lost me at Led Zeppelin (PEYTON laughs) LUCAS: (to PEYTON) It's worth a try (PEYTON looks at LUCAS and SKILLS, smiles then slowly looses her smile) [RACHEL'S Bedroom] (BROOKE is standing in front of the full length mirror wearing a pillow inside her blouse making her look pregnant [sort of] she turns side-ways to looks at it from a side angle as she holds the strings, that come down her blouse, back. RACHEL enters [holding a gym bag and flowers] but her image is seen through the mirror, she's standing by the door, and BROOKE turns around in shock) RACHEL: (chuckles/confused) What are you doing? (BROOKE takes the pillow out) BROOKE: Seeing what it was like to be you before the surgeries (smug fake laugh) RACHEL: (fake smiles) Huh (serious face) You're funny BROOKE: (throws pillow on the bed) No, I'm actually thinking of doing a maternity line for Clothes over Bro's, you know, all the singers and starlets are preggers right now (shrugs) it's very in RACHEL: (barley heard) Right (RACHEL walks into the room towards her bed by mirror as BROOKE stands there hoping she bought her little story. RACHEL drops the flowers and her gym bag on the bed and BROOKE notices the flowers) BROOKE: (touched) Rachel ... you shouldn't have, wow RACHEL: What? BROOKE: (points to flowers) My birthday, You're the first one to remember RACHEL: (smiles) It's your birthday? BROOKE: (smiles fades) Or not remember (looks away) (RACHEL looks at the flowers, sighs, and sits on the bed) RACHEL: There from my parents (sighs)(BROOKE sits on chair near bed) they came with a card that basically said "Glad you didn't die, the Italian Riviera misses you" BROOKE: (shrugs) At least they sent flowers ... (fake smiles) My parents forgot my eighteenth birthday (looks away angry) (RACHEL picks up the flowers) RACHEL: Here you go (throws BROOKE the flowers) Happy birthday ... and you didn't even have to almost die BROOKE: (bitchy/smiling) Second hand dead flowers, thanks (serious face) shoot me now [KAREN's Café-Register] (DEB is looking through her purse, she moves a sliver gun to the side and slightly pulls out a bottle of prescription pills and takes one. A women, slightly heavy, walks up to DEB who is behind the counter, holding a plate of food) WOMEN: Excuse me? DEB: Yeah WOMEN: (hands her food) No one's waited on our table in about fifteen minutes (DEB has a "Oh, sorry" expression) I ordered the Ruben not the Tuna Salad (HALEY walks up behind DEB) DEB: (apologetically) Oh, gosh, I'm sorry (HALEY begins to leave with a plate of food, women smiles like it's not a problem) but, um, judging from the size of your ass (HALEY quickly turns back) maybe you should try the tuna salad (WOMEN listens) and consider it a favor (WOMEN looks disgustedly at DEB and walks away and looks over at her friends) DEB: To go, then? WOMEN: (grabs her purse/to friends) Let's go (As WOMEN exits, DEB grabs the sandwich and takes a bite out of it) DEB: Mmm (looks up/mouth full) To bad, the Tuna salad's delicious! (laughs) Come again, fat ass! (DEB leaves smiling and laughing towards the back. HALEY stands there for a second and closes her eyes then opens them to look at the women who left) [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-COOPER's Recovery Room] (NATHAN enters and knocks on the door to announce his presence) NATHAN: Coop? (COOPER who had his hand over his face takes it away and sees NATHAN) NATHAN: How you doin? COOPER: (chuckles weakly) Guess I'm still alive (NATHAN smiles sadly) Come here (NATHAN and COOPER hug) COOPER: Thank you (end embrace) They told me you saved both of us (NATHAN looks away and hesitates to talk) NATHAN: I, uh ... I didn't save anyone (COOPER groans like "alright then silent hero") I tried to help you, Coop but, I couldn't get you out of there ... and then I-- ... I ran out of air and I panicked ... then everything went black just like it did for you (COOPER looks at him, then down) I didn't save you, Cooper. I couldn't even save myself COOPER: (weakly) That's okay NATHAN: (upset) No, it's not (COOPER quickly looks at him) People think I'm a hero but there wrong, you're the hero (COOPER sighs and looks up) NATHAN: Look--I heard you told Reeve's that it was you're fault ... and it wasn't COOPER: (looking away) Sure it was NATHAN: Haley saw Rachel grab the wheel (COOPER looks at NATHAN) COOPER: Listen to me, no matter what happened on that bridge ... it was still my fault (NATHAN listens) I knew how old Rachel was and I didn't walk away--it's not very heroic, is it? (NATHAN sighs) Anyways, I wouldn't even be alive to say anything if it wasn't for you NATHAN: Hey, I told you I didn't-- COOPER: --Even if you don't remember it, Nate, it doesn't mean it didn't happen (NATHAN looks down) you jumped in that river and you tried to save both of us ... we're here, we're still alive. Isn't that what really matters? (NATHAN looks at COOPER for a long pause and then nods) NATHAN: (softly) Yeah COOPER: (softly) Yeah (NATHAN and COOPER continue to look at each other) [PEYTON's Bedroom] (A shot of her wall where ELLIE's "Hello, Goodbye" article hangs. The camera moves to the computer where you can see the web cam is on and on the screen you see PEYTON sitting in front of her desk holding a phone as she dials. The camera moves over to her as she closes her eyes until she hears a voice from DEREK, her brother) DEREK's VOICE: Hello? (PEYTON, nervous, doesn't speak right away then gathers her courage) PEYTON: Hi (closes her eyes) Um ... I'm looking for Derek? DEREK's VOICE: Who's calling? PEYTON: (smiles) This is Peyton Sawyer ... I'm sorry, this is gonna sound (laughs) so strange, um ... my mom's name was Ellie Harp and she--- DEREK's VOICE: --Don't call here again (The receiver clicks and PEYTON, realizing what happened, turns of the phone almost on the verge of tears) [The River Court-Parking Lot-Day] (Shot of a flat tire, WHITEY is standing by the car leaning on it looking towards the basketball court. LUCAS drives up and goes behind WHITEY who hears the car and sort of smiles) LUCAS: Hey, coach, you need a ride? (Shot of the basketball court where SKILLS is playing with FERGIE. LUCAS' car is parked and WHITEY is now sitting on the passengers side as LUCAS stares at the guys play and WHITEY faces the other way) LUCAS: (looks at WHITEY) He's quick, coach., He's a great first step WHITEY: (not looking at LUCAS) You flattened my tire LUCAS: Look, just give him a look. All right--he's a good guy, he can score off the dribble (shot of SKILLS making a basket) he's way quicker than me on defense (WHITEY looks over) and you know defense wins championships WHITEY: You're gonna change that tire LUCAS: (sighs) Look, state rules allow for roster moves until Friday--I looked it up. Look, coach (looks at SKILLS for a second) come on, he wants to go to college, this could really help him with that--Nathan's a little banged up WHITEY: (looking away) Your hard-selling me and I don't like it LUCAS: (shakes head) Just think about it, okay? (shakes head as WHITEY looks over) Please WHITEY: I don't even have a damn spare for that car (LUCAS half smiles and sighs and looks down) [KAREN's Café] (BROOKE enters to what looks like a very busy café and walks towards HALEY who is behind the counter) BROOKE: (whispering) Hey HALEY: (surprised) Hi (BROOKE starts heading towards the register and HALEY follows) BROOKE: I need to talk to you HALEY: Uh ... Okay, well, things are a little crazy right now (takes out pad and pen) BROOKE: (leans in/quietly) Rachel caught me making maternity cloths HALEY: (looks up) Brooke! (HALEY and BROOKE quickly walk over to the back as HALEY grabs a firm grip of BROOKE's arm) HALEY: On the list of people who know about this pregnancy (lets go of BROOKE's arm) I'm thinking Rachel's not really on the top BROOKE: I know! HALEY: Okay, well, calm down and ...does she suspect anything at all?-- BROOKE: --No, I don't think so HALEY: (relieved) Okay, so it's just you and me that knows (BROOKE shakes her head) Good, so lets just keep it that way, I think that's best don't you? BROOKE: I think I'd feel better if I didn't even know about it HALEY: (whispering/bitchy) It's a little late for that, isn't it? ... (BROOKE looks away) Look, did--did you and Lucas ever talk about what would happen if you ... BROOKE: (shakes head) Yeah ... last year, um ... you know? He--I mean, he said he'd be there for me and the baby but ... I could tell he was scared and--and felling trapped and he's just--he wasn't ready HALEY: (looking up/softly) Yeah, I know BROOKE: And did you and Nathan ever talk about it?-- HALEY: --Yeah, don't you remember, it was that night that--that we spent together and then he found out I wasn't on the pill and he freaked out, it was the worst fight we ever had--Brooke, I got to get back out there, I'm sorry--It's crazy and Deb's out to lunch (HALEY starts to head back) BROOKE: This is an awfully late lunch HALEY: (scoffs) She's here, she's literally (hits head with pen) out to lunch, I'll call you later (HALEY starts walking away) BROOKE: Haley (HALEY turns) It's gonna be okay, right? HALEY: (sympathetically) Yeah, Brooke, it's gonna--it's gonna be okay (HALEY walks over and gives BROOKE a hug, BROOKE leaves as HALEY watches her) HALEY: I hope (As BROOKE leaves HALEY goes back out and walks over to DEB who is by the other side of the counter) HALEY: Okay, Deb, I don't know if-- (DEB accidentally slides her hand across her purse and the gun flies off the counter, DEB gasps as the gun hit's the floor and a bullet shoots towards the customers but misses them and hit's the glass window which shatters and the customers, DEB and HALEY, scream and everyone ducks down. DEB stands and half smiles, HALEY stands with her mouth wide open) DEB: Oops (HALEY exhales sharply as she stares at DEB who is smiling) [City Hall-Lounge Room] (On the TV screen is an anchorwomen and on the small TV screen by her is the footage of the limo being pulled out of the river) ANCHORWOMEN: The car crashed at a guard rail, rolled over and was completely submerged that's when Nathan Scott came to the rescue (Camera moves to show DAN is watching the TV) ANCHORWOMEN: Nathan is the son of recently elected Tree Hill Mayor Dan Scott (screen changes from limo pulling out to Nathan playing a basketball game) who touted family as one of his campaign staples as you'll see here (The screen changes to DAN in an office, DAN watches) DAN ON TV: I'm Dan Scott, local business man, school-board member and murder (Dan's eyebrows rise) family first--that's my motto, making a better-- (DAN quickly grabs the remote and rewinds the segment) DAN ON TV: I'm Dan Scott, local business man, school-board member and father (DAN looks down) Family first--that's my motto making a better Tree Hill for all of us (DAN looks away) ANCHORWOMEN: Now authorities tell us that if it wasn't for Nathan Scott ... [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital Building-Day] ANCHORWOMEN: (v.o) ... this accident could've been much worse [SCENE_BREAK] [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-COOPER's Room] (RACHEL walks in and walks up to someone standing by the bed) RACHEL: Cooper ... (RACHEL, surprised, realizes that it's not COOPER, it's NATHAN when he turns around) RACHEL: Nathan NATHAN: Cooper's gone RACHEL: (chuckles) You mean released NATHAN: Gone from Tree Hill, Rachel (RACHEL looks down and NATHAN looks away) RACHEL: I'm really sorry (NATHAN turns to her) ... Nathan, For the way I acted at the reception and ... with everything else (NATHAN looks down) I know that you saved my life (NATHAN looks at her, then down) and I'm gonna find a way to thank you NATHAN: (slightly smiles) You don't have to do that-- RACHEL: --No ... I want to (RACHEL stays staring at NATHAN and his smile fades. RACHEL leans towards him and kisses him on the cheek. When she pulls back NATHAN stares at her with guilt as she stares into his eyes) RACHEL: (half smiling) You have Cooper's eye's (NATHAN looks at RACHEL and she watches him then she starts to leave, she turns around and stares at him this time looking at him as if she realized something then smiles and exit's the door. NATHAN stands there thinking then looks over at the door as it closes) [PEYTON's Bedroom] (PEYTON is fixing her web cam as she focuses it for her podcast. She is seen in her computer screen as well as the voice recorder she has set up for sound. Once she has it just right she sits on her bed) PEYTON: (to webcam) Hi, guys, Peyton here, uh, if you've been listening to my podcast's then ... you know a lot about me (leans head to side) But did you know I had a brother? Yeah, well, neither did I, um ... his name's Derek ... same father, different mom, it's kind of the Tree Hill way of life, (laughs) I guess. Anyway, I tried calling him today but he hung up on me--which is cool ... You know, I, I fully understand inability to let people in because that's exactly how I was with (looks at her wall with picture of her and ELLIE the reflection) Ellie at first (turns back around) But you know what? It does lead me to believe that Derek and I probably have some things in common. So anyway (stands and walks towards computer, computers eye view of her) Uh, Derek, from St. Flora North Carolina ... maybe you'll reconsider, you know? Maybe you'll, um, you'll listen to my podcast's or you can go to my Myspace page, you know? It has everything you ever want to know about me there ... except maybe this (camera to her) I would really like to talk to you sometime ... about anything you want (smiles) and I hope your world is good to you (PEYTON stays staring at the computer) [ROE Residence-Front Of House] (KAREN is throwing pieces of a baby crib in a trash can, HALEY walks up to her) HALEY: (smiling) Spring cleaning? KAREN: Oh, no, just pieces from Lucas' old crib (HALEY "Aw's" and walk towards trash, KAREN holds her stomach) I was feeling sentimental and I thought I'd try and use them again and then I realized that thing is (thinks) third hand seventeen years ago HALEY: Well, congratulations, I haven't seen you (they hug, KAREN "Aw's") and things have been crazy KAREN: Thank you so much (laughs) I know, I can't believe I'm gonna have a child (HALEY laughs) HALEY: Um, well, it'll be easier this time, right? (KAREN looks at her) I mean, being pregnant at seventeen was probably really difficult for ... you and your family and your friends you had to confide in and ... KAREN: (worried) Listen, Haley, um (exhales sharply) Normally I, I wound's go behind Lucas' back but ... he found a pregnancy test in Brooke's purse at the wedding--and he claims that she's not pregnant but ... (softly) you would tell me if you new other wise, wouldn't you? HALEY: Um ... I don't (KAREN shakes her head relieved) but, um, listen, I came to talk to you about Deb KAREN: (confused) What about Deb? HALEY: Well, we had a little, um (puts arm around KAREN and they walk in the house) ... we had a little accident at the café, today KAREN: (barley heard) What kind of accident? (The camera moves to the pieces of LUCAS' old crib then to a car where DAN is sitting in and he stares at the pieces through his side mirror) [KAREN's Café] (KAREN is walking in and notices the smashed door then walks up to DEB who is sitting at the counter in one of the stools) KAREN: (worried) Deb! What happened?! (DEB turns) Haley came by and told me that the-- DEB: Haley (laughs) I knew that little bitch couldn't keep her big mouth shut (clears throat) I need the gun for protection, Karen KAREN: (shocked) Gun? (Obviously HALEY left that part out, DEB shakes her head) Tell me you didn't shoot out the window ... with customers? DEB: Karen-- KAREN: --(mad) You could've killed someone other than your ex-husband--what the hell is wrong with you?! DEB: (smiling) It was an accident KAREN: (holds hand out) Give me the gun? DEB: (chuckles) I can't KAREN: Deb, I'm not playing games with your wacky ass, give me the damn gun! (DEB gives KAREN a look and moves her purse next to her away from KAREN) KAREN: Fine (KAREN quickly grabs DEB's purse, DEB quickly tires to reach for it and as they struggle all the prescription pills fall on the floor. DEB's mouth drops upset but then changes when she realizes that KAREN saw them) KAREN: (looks at empty bottle) Huh, okay, now I get it, how long? DEB: (closes eyes) It's not what you think KAREN: Really?! 'Cause you know what I think?! (slams purse down) I think you're a recovering addict (DEB laughs and turns away) who's returned to her former life of popping pills and brandishing firearms! DEB: (laughing it off) I just had a little slip KAREN: IT'S NOT A LITTLE SLIP! (DEB laughs and mouths "Oh, my god") Little slips happen! ... but getting wasted and shooting up the café during the noon rush is NOT A LITTLE SLIP! (DEB looks away not really caring) ... Deb, you need to get back into rehab DEB: (taking it as a threat) Or what? KAREN: Or I will dissolve our partnership DEB: Karen-- KAREN: --No, I will not have a gun-toting junkie destroy a 17-year-old business (KAREN and DEB stare at each other for a second) DEB: (angry/whispers) Fine ... you can have your little café ... (whispers) I quit (DEB grabs her purse, her prescription bottle and pathetically picks up all of the pills) KAREN: (in a "don't be pathetic" tone) Deb? (DEB stands up and looks at the floor to see one more on the ground. She looks at KAREN and then goes down to pick it up and stands to walk away) KAREN: It's an Altoid (DEB stops but drops it in her purse and exits) [NATHAN and HALEY's Apartment-Living Room] (NATHAN is sitting by the chair near the door. LUCAS opens the door as he knocks to alert his presence. LUCAS walks in and notices NATHAN's expression) LUCAS: Hey (walking across to couch) You okay? You sounded a little cryptic when you called NATHAN: Yeah, yeah (LUCAS moves a pillow and sits on arm of couch) NATHAN: Look, uh, I guess there's no easy way to do you this, so I'm just gonna do it ... I need to know what happened at the bridge LUCAS: Okaaay, but you saw a lot more than I did NATHAN: (looking down) I'm not sure about that (LUCAS looks confused) Look, I swam into the car and I got trapped *Flashback-Molina Bridge-River-Underwater* (Limo) (quick clip of NATHAN in limo swimming up to the roof of car gasping for what little air was left) *End of Flashback* NATHAN: I panicked *Flashback-Molina Bridge-River-Underwater* (Limo underwater) (quick clip of NATHAN once again gasping for air) *End of Flashback* <Note: These two flashbacks are really quick and missable> NATHAN: All right? I didn't save anybody as a matter of fact, somebody saved me (LUCAS looks away then down) NATHAN: It was you wasn't it? LUCAS: Oh, Nathan, I wish it was but it wasn't NATHAN: It had to be. Look, I was trapped in that car, okay? I ran out of air and my lungs gave out--Now, unless we're both dead right now there's n-- LUCAS: --Nate, Nate ... look, people black out all the time in situations of, like, crisis or terror of high stress situations ... You know, it's some kind of an adrenalin overload--okay, but that doesn't mean that you didn't somehow pull Cooper and Rachel from that car--even if you don't remember (NATHAN tires to say something) doing it ... there was no one else there, Nathan ... (points to both of them) It was just us NATHAN: What if I saw someone in the car? LUCAS: You mean Rachel and Cooper NATHAN: (softly) No, someone else LUCAS: (chuckles) Who? (NATHAN looks at LUCAS) *Flashback-Molina Bridge-River-Underwater* (Limo) (COOPER under water, trapped in limo unconscious then a close up of NATHAN completely running out of air as a white light shines over his face and he opens his eyes) *End of Flashback* NATHAN: Keith (LUCAS has a mixture of confusion and hurt in his face as he looks at NATHAN like he didn't like that he brought his deceased uncle/father figure up) [Department Store Parking Lot-PEYTON's Car-Night] (PEYTON in drivers seat, LUCAS in passengers seat parked in front of a store) PEYTON: Well you've been quite (LUCAS sighs and smiles) Gettin' your game face on? LUCAS: (laughs and shakes his head) No PEYTON: (playfully) Working on your Brooke Davis mojo? (LUCAS, who has been smiling, sighs and starts to frown) LUCAS: I was thinking about Nathan ... you know, he told me he saw Keith in the river (PEYTON's smile drops) He says he was trapped in the limo and Keith saved him (looks away) PEYTON: Wow ... Keith, huh? ... what'd you say? LUCAS: (serious) Keith's dead, Peyton (PEYTON doesn't know what to say) It's unbelievable how much our lives have changed since freshman year PEYTON: Yeah (little sad) it's all gonna end soon, too LUCAS: (looking forward) Or begin (PEYTON looks at LUCAS for a moment before looking down) LUCAS: (cocky/folds his arms) You know, I use to watch you? (raises eyebrow) PEYTON: (smiles) When? LUCAS: Oh, Freshman year, (thinking expression) Ssssophomore yearrrr uh, both summers actually PEYTON: (smiles and closes eyes) Stop it .... (curious) What did you watch? LUCAS: (looks at her legs) Your legs mostly PEYTON: (smiles) What?! LUCAS: Nooo, I'm serious (playfully points) From up close, they're a little chicken-y (PEYTON playfully hits LUCAS, insulted in a good-humored way) PEYTON: Shut up! LUCAS: (trying to block hit) But! I'm! Form where I was hiding they were pretty awesome (LUCAS laughs as PEYTON stares forward smiling) PEYTON: (looks at LUCAS) I'm not sure that's a compliment LUCAS: Ooooh it is, trust me (PEYTON smiles and looks away) I think it sucks that your ... brother hung up on you, Peyton PEYTON: (sighs) Yeah ... I get it though. You know--the fear of letting people in (swallows) getting close to somebody and then it just not working out (LUCAS and PEYTON stare at each other) ... anyway, um, ... (playfully/sing-song voice) almost time for Brooke, (normal) you ready? LUCAS: (looks at store) You know, I've been thinking ... (looks at PEYTON) why don't you just go instead? You know, patch things up with her (PEYTON tries to speak) you guys have a lifelong friendship that's at stake here PEYTON: Yeah ... but you looove her (LUCAS laughs and shakes his head) LUCAS: I do PEYTON: (shakes her head) Well you said it yourself, you can't help who you love, so ... thank you for thinking of me but this is my birthday present for Brooke LUCAS: Are you sure? (PEYTON shakes her head and it seems like she's trying to convince herself more than LUCAS that it's all right) PEYTON: Yeah, go ahead, I'll wait (LUCAS looks at PEYTON as he opens the door then turns away to head to the store. PEYTON smiles and stares at him then looks forward) PEYTON: (smile fading/softly) I'll wait [NATHAN and HALEY's Apartment-Bedroom-Night] (NATHAN is sitting on the bed putting his shoes on [he seems to have something wrapped around his right knee] and HALEY walks in and leans by the door holding her bag) HALEY: You think your mom's a spy? (NATHAN looks up for a moment then continues with his shoes) Or a pimp, maybe? NATHAN: (chuckles) What? HALEY: She's got a gun (NATHAN looks up in shock) Yeah, she's packing heat NATHAN: What are you talking about? (HALEY walks inside the room and puts her stuff down) HALEY: Your mom! Brought a gun into the café today--oh, and it went off! NATHAN: What? Was anybody hurt? HALEY: No, thank God NATHAN: Unbelievable (HALEY grabs a piece of clothing or some kind of a towel and begins folding it, well more like trying to keep busy with it) HALEY: (barley heard) I know NATHAN: I'll talk to her (NATHAN finishes putting on his shoes) HALEY: Now?! NATHAN: No HALEY: Okay, but she's acting really wired and she's strapped with a nine NATHAN: (tying laces) I get it Hales, but ... playoff's are next week and my mom's an adult--both my parents are, supposedly HALEY: Well-where are you going then? NATHAN: (sighs/stands) The River court (NATHAN grabs a jacket) HALEY: Nathan, you're knee's all--you mom's totally freaking out! NATHAN: (putting jacket on) I'm the kid, Hales and I'm sick a dealing with my parents problems. If it's not my dad with a restraining order, it's my mom with a glock, they're unbelievable ... (HALEY listens sympathetically) my one saving grace, my one way out is that if I play halfway decent in these playoff's, I can get a scholarship and get the hell away from both those lunatics (NATHAN grabs the ball that has been sitting on the bed and walks towards the door where HALEY has been standing and he leans on the door frame as she moves closer to the door as well) NATHAN: Should my mom have a gun? No ... but am I gonna let her stupidity or anything else stand in the way of my dreams? (shakes head negatively) Not a chance (NATHAN kisses HALEY on the forehead as she closes her eyes and smiles then rubs his shoulder) NATHAN: See ya HALEY: (softly) Bye (NATHAN walks out and HALEY leans by the wall a moment before giving a big sigh and then sits down) [ROE Residence-Kitchen] (DAN opens the door and walks in as KAREN is writing some checks, her back facing the door) DAN: Knock, knock (KAREN looks up more annoyed than startled and looks back towards DAN, but not completely, only to turn back around and continue with her checkbook) KAREN: Dan, you can't keep doing this DAN: Doing what? (KAREN sighs, turns to look at him, then turns her back on him again) KAREN: (continues writing) Coming around like this (stops) Look--I know you said that you intend on being there for me with this pregnancy but the truth is, Dan, you're not that guy ... You were not that guy the first time with Lucas and you're never gonna be that guy ... You have to know that (DAN looks down then he walks away from the kitchen as if he's about to leave. DAN comes back in pushing a baby rocking crib and we realize that it's the same crib KAREN threw out in the trash only it's put together and it's painted blue and a wood color [it looks very cute] KAREN, who hears that something is being pushed in turns around and sees the crib as DAN pushes it in, she stares at it in shock for a moment before she walks up to both DAN and the crib) KAREN: (eyes never leaving crib) That's Lucas' crib (looks up) Dan, I-- DAN: --I did it myself (looks up at KAREN) I hope you like it (KAREN stares at DAN and he exits and closes the door. She looks at the crib and inside is a little teddy bear) [Some Bar] (People are drinking and having a good time there is a mechanical bull and a girl is on it and she's wearing a cowboy hat as she hoots and hollers next to her is a sign that reads "Say, Hell YEAH" camera moves to were RACHEL and BROOKE are sitting. BROOKE doesn't look like she's having a fun time but she brought her "Posh" mug and there is a little umbrella in it, she looks around moody) RACHEL: (sighs) Okay, I bring you to this club (BROOKE sort of roll her eyes towards her) I fill your kitschy but hideous spice girl cup with alcohol and you haven't touched it ...Is this how you spend all your birthdays? BROOKE: (bitchy) Actually, no, I usually spend them with Peyton (frowns with an attitude) but not this year RACHEL: (smiles) What's going on with that anyway?--I mean, I missed a couple things when I was hanging out at the bottom of the river BROOKE: (bitchy smile) Peyton likes Lucas RACHEL: Did she try to sleep with him? 'Cause I did that, too BROOKE: She kissed him (RACHEL drinks from "Posh") The day of the school shooting she kissed him in the library (RACHEL gives BROOKE a stiff look and puts the mug down) RACHEL: (scrunches face) Well, by default--if your about to die, or at least bleeding to death ... I think you get a free kissing pass (BROOKE dramatically rolls her eyes away) what else did she do? BROOKE: Well, she had the nerve to say she'd back off if I loved him (smiles coldly)... can you believe that? She wanted me to declare my love for my own boyfriend RACHEL: Why didn't you? (BROOKE looks at RACHEL for a couple seconds before she looks away not really trying to respond to her question) RACHEL: Okay, let me get this straight ... You don't have feelings for Lucas anymore ... Peyton does (BROOKE looks at her) yet she's willing to hide those feelings if you ask her to ... (lowers lip/shakes head) sounds like a pretty great friend to me (BROOKE rolls her eyes and sighs, RACHEL looks away. Camera goes back to the girl who's still riding the mechanical bull as two guys walk in front of the bull ride and RACHEL notices) RACHEL: (face lights up) Check it out, your birthday presents here (BROOKE looks at the guys for a second and the guys looks at them) well, at least one of them, you pick BROOKE: Isn't that a little soon for you? I mean, is Coopers tux even dry yet? RACHEL: (inhales) Cooper's gone, Brooke ... so I'm using your birthday as an excuse to drown my sorrows in alcohol ... and boy BROOKE: Rachel, a one-nighter is just gonna make it worse RACHEL: (thinks) Tomorrow it'll make it worse. But tonight, trust me, it'll make it much better (smiles and looks at the guys) So which one do you want? BROOKE: (looks down/sad) I can't RACHEL: Suit yourself (grabs purse/smiles) Don't wait up (RACHEL stands and walks away from the table to go to the guys. BROOKE sits there and sighs obviously not the best birthday she's had. The guys looks at RACHEL who walks up to them, they smile and begin to talk. BROOKE looks around and thinks) [Department Store-Cosmetics] (LUCAS is leaning on a counter staring at his watch, the lights start turning off, the store is closing) LUCAS: (looking at watch/to self) Come one, Brooke (As more lights turn off footsteps are heard and then there's a shot of someone's legs walking up towards LUCAS [It's suppose to make us all think for a second it could be BROOKE] LUCAS quickly turns, hoping that it's BROOKE, the camera shoots up to show it's PEYTON who looks at him sympathetically. LUCAS stands straight and smiles at her sadly. The lights in the store turn off leaving only the display lights on) PEYTON: I'm sorry, Luke. I really thought she was gonna show (LUCAS walks up to her and shrugs) but look at it this way she didn't know you where gonna be here so (shrugs) there's still hope for the two of you (laughs sadly) just not so much for me and her (LUCAS laughs sadly and looks at PEYTON like if he feels more sorry for her then him since she and BROOKE have been life-long friends. He puts his arm around her and she does the same and rubs his back as they walk out together) [Department Store-Outside Entrance-Night] (LUCAS opens the door for him and PEYTON who is reaching into her purse and she pulls out a bottle of cologne and hands it to LUCAS but looks ahead) PEYTON: (smugly) Here (LUCAS takes cologne) I stole this for you (LUCAS looks at it confused for a moment then throws his head back and silently laughs. PEYTON smiles as he puts his arm around her and they cross the street to walk to the car, he holds the cologne near him as he and PEYTON stare at it, laugh and walk) (The camera moves a distance away from the store and BROOKE is standing there and has been watching them. As she hears them joking around with each other, she looks like she's trying to fight back tears and tries to control herself) PEYTON: (v.o)(laughs) It smells good (PEYTON voice is heard giggling) LUCAS: (v.o) try it on (PEYTON voice is heard laughing) [Department Store Parking Lot-PEYTON's Car-Night] (LUCAS and PEYTON sitting still waiting for BROOKE. LUCAS is looking away and PEYTON looks at him) PEYTON: (points) Best birthday ever LUCAS: (looks up/thinking expression) .... (inhales) When I was twelve (PEYTON makes a "really?" expression) My mom and ... Keith surprised me with tickets to the Duke-Caroline game (PEYTON laughs in a "Oh God" way) I wuh--no--no--no, we drove up, made a weekend out of it ... It was cool because it was the first time we were ever a real family (PEYTON smiles) and I'd give anything to have that back ... you? PEYTON: My eighth birthday, my mom was still alive, that's the last time we were a real family (LUCAS nods) I'd give anything to have that back (LUCAS looks away and PEYTON stares at him a moment) PEYTON: (sighs) You want me to drive you by Rachel's? Maybe Brooke's there? (LUCAS ponders for a moment and makes a thinking face) LUCAS: (v.o) There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at crossroads ... LUCAS: (frowns) No, it's okay ... would you drop me by the river court? That's were I do my best healing (LUCAS looks up at PEYTON) PEYTON: Sure (PEYTON starts the car and LUCAS looks away thinking) [Bedroom] (Back is facing the camera as a girl puts on her bra having only had on a pair of jeans. A guy is laying asleep, legs by headboard, in the bed as she grabs her blouse from under his legs and tugs it a little to get it out and walks away) LUCAS: (v.o) There are moments in our lives ... (The girl walks over to where the guys head is and grabs her shoes, the guy is one of the guys RACHEL and BROOKE saw at the bar) LUCAS: (v.o) ...when we find ourselves at a crossroads ... (The camera shoots up and it's RACHEL who goes to the counter, grabs her bag and looks at the guy for a moment, like if she's ashamed of herself and leaves the room) LUCAS: (v.o) ... afraid ... confused ... without a road map [RACHEL's Bedroom] (BROOKE is on her bed looking at her "Brooke" photo book looking at the first page with her certificate, footprints, and baby picture) LUCAS: (v.o) The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days [Tree Hill Intersection-Streetlight] (The light turns red and DAN, in his SUV, stops and looks around to see a big delivery truck, on the box part of the delivery truck painted in red is the word "Murderer" DAN stares at it in shock and walks out of his car) (As the truck pulls out to make a left, DAN sees it was only in his mind because "Murderer" is not written there this time) LUCAS: (v.o) Of course when faced with the unknown ... (DAN mouths "what" camera changes to birds-eye view of DAN standing in the middle of the intersection and looks down, the lights still red) LUCAS: (v.o) ... most of us prefer to turn around and go back [The River Court-Parking Lot-Night] (LUCAS walks up to WHITEY's car and leans by the passenger window which is rolled down) LUCAS: Doing a little scouting (WHITEY, who has been sitting on the drivers seat has also been looking at SKILLS who is playing basketball but doesn't notice either LUCAS or WHITEY) WHITEY: I'm puttin' him on the team (LUCAS looks over at SKILLS, shot of SKILLS making one of those lay-up shots) LUCAS: (v.o) Really?! (LUCAS looks at SKILLS again then at WHITEY) LUCAS: Well that's great, coach. What made you decide that? WHITEY: (looks at LUCAS) You did (LUCAS listens) Not long ago (points to court) I found a kid out on that very same court. If that young man (camera moves to SKILLS who spins quickly and makes a basket) turns out to be the kind of player and person (back to WHITEY) that scrawny kid turned out (LUCAS laughs) to be (laughs) It's a no-brainer (LUCAS holds his hand out to WHITEY who shakes it. LUCAS looks at him with a "thanks, coach" expression. WHITEY smiles and looks back to SKILLS, LUCAS walks away) [The River Court-Basketball Court-Night] (SKILLS makes another lay-up shot and runs with the ball from the basket but stops playing when he sees LUCAS coming. LUCAS walks up to him with a serious expression on his face and they stare at each other for a moment) LUCAS: ... (serious face) You just became a Raven (smiles) HA! HA! (SKILLS and LUCAS do the "Shake hug" where they grab each others hands and then lean in for a shoulder hug) LUCAS: (v.o) But once in a while people push on to something better ... [RACHEL's Bedroom] (BROOKE is still sitting up in her bed looking at her "Brooke" album. She flips the pages and actually starts smiling. Camera changes to show what she's looking at which is a page where it shows a picture of a bunch of kids, then another one below of PEYTON and BROOKE in middle school both drinking. Next to those is a flyer that obviously looks like it was done by PEYTON that reads "Extreme" "In the zone" "Rend dent" "Kickin' kickin") (The next page shows a picture of BROOKE by herself and below is a picture of BROOKE and Peyton at her birthday "17 " BROOKE has her head slightly turned and has one of those "Showin off the grillz" grins, PEYTON is frowning with a thumbs up) LUCAS: (v.o) ... Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone ... (BROOKE looks at the album and sighs sadly) [SAWYER Residence-Front Porch-Night] (PEYTON is walking up to the door but she's looking in her purse trying to find her keys. As she walks up to the porch she doesn't notice that a guy, DEREK, is sitting there. He's a blonde-haired guy, her age) DEREK: Are you Peyton? (PEYTON looks up shocked) DEREK: (stands) I'm Derek (PEYTON stares at him with a mixture of happiness and sadness. DEREK hesitates to talk) DEREK: I guess I'm your brother (DEREK stares at PEYTON) LUCAS: (v.o) and just beyond the bravery (PEYTON stares back) and courage it takes to let someone in ... [ROE Residence-Kitchen] (The baby crib is rocking and the camera moves up to see KAREN staring at it intensely) LUCAS: (v.o) ... or to give someone a second chance [ROE Residence-Front Porch-Night] (LUCAS with laptop on his lap as he sits and types) LUCAS: (v.o) Something beyond the quiet (shot of his screen which is everything he's written which are the voiceover's, typing the following line) persistence of a dream (Camera moves back to LUCAS and then to the lamp) [RACHEL's Bedroom] (There is a pink cupcake on a plate with a white candle that is lit. The shot is just of the hand holding the plate and walking into the room. RACHEL is the one holding the plate and also holding her purse, she walks up to BROOKE and stands in-between there beds. BROOKE now has a white blanket on her) RACHEL: Happy birthday, you boring old shrew (RACHEL puts the plate down on the table in between there beds) BROOKE: (half smiles) You said "Don't wait up" (RACHEL sits on her bed) And you call this late? RACHEL: (shrugs) I wasn't into it (opens purse/pulls out digital camera) the boys in Tree Hill are so boring compared to Cooper (RACHEL begins to fidget with her camera) BROOKE: Isn't there anybody our age you think you could fall for? (RACHEL gives BROOKE a smile like if she's up to something. Close up of her digital camera and there is a picture of HALEY and NATHAN at there 2nd wedding. It's zoomed in so you can only see HALEY and NATHAN's chest. RACHEL scrolls the picture up and focuses it on NATHAN then looks at BROOKE) RACHEL: (smiles) Maybe (BROOKE looks at her for a moment and smiles) [Molina Bridge-Night] (NATHAN is standing in the same spot he was in the begging of the show and he just stands there and looks out in the water. HALEY walks up to him) HALEY: I found your ball at home NATHAN: I was kind a hoping you would (HALEY smiles and walks up to NATHAN then puts her head on his shoulder and they look at the river for a moment then she puts her chin on his shoulder and looks at him) HALEY: I need you to talk to me NATHAN: Haley (puts arm around her) I'm not trying to shut you out, okay? (HALEY closes her eyes as if saying "okay") I just don't understand it enough to let you in yet HALEY: Whatever it is, we're gonna get through it together (NATHAN looks at her) I'm right here, Nathan (touches his cheek ) I'm not going anywhere (NATHAN and HALEY hug, birds eye view as it zooms out) LUCAS: (v.o) Because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are ... [RACHEL's Bedroom] (BROOKE is looking at her "Brooke" photo album and then grabs her "Posh" mug that was next to the cupcake) (BROOKE turns the mug upside down and the writing on it that says "To my POSH Best friend, Love always, Peyton") LUCAS: (v.o) ... and it's only when you're tested (BROOKE lightly rubs by the word "Friend" with thumb) that you discover who you can be RACHEL: Hey (BROOKE looks up) I'm sorry about your birthday. Did anything memorable happen? BROOKE: (thinks) ... (smiles) Yeah, one thing (RACHEL smiles at BROOKE because she thinks the memory is a good one) LUCAS: (v.o) The person you want to be does exists (BROOKE puts mug by side of bed) somewhere on the other side of hard work (BROOKE flips album page) and faith (BROOKE grabs picture) and belief ... (BROOKE places picture in album and stares at it sadly for a moment. Close up of her album page and it's a picture of PEYTON and LUCAS walking down the street, his arm around her, laughing as they both looks at the bottle of cologne she stole for him) LUCAS: (v.o) ... and beyond the heartache (BROOKE slams album shut) and fear of what lies ahead (BROOKE grabs the cupcake and stares at the flame for a moment, cupcake inches from her face. Close up of her mouth and the flame, the camera is focused more on her mouth and as she inhales it focuses on the flame, she lets out a soft blow and the candle blows out)
Plan: A: Nathan, Rachel and Cooper's; Q: Whose lives remain precarious following the car accident? A: Brooke; Q: Who celebrates her 18th birthday? A: Peyton; Q: Who is Brooke struggling with? A: terms; Q: What do Lucas and Karen come to with Karen's pregnancy? A: Deb; Q: Who's past addictions intersect with Haley in an explosive manner? Summary: As Nathan, Rachel and Cooper's lives remain precarious following the car accident, Brooke celebrates her 18th birthday but finds it diminished by her struggles with Peyton. Lucas and Karen come to terms with her pregnancy and with the pregnancy of someone close to Lucas, while Deb's past addictions intersect with Haley in an explosive manner.
[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is standing at the end of the bar, waiting impatiently, while Eddie is mingling with a few girls at the other end of the bar. She finally gets mad and she slams her tray down on the table, with no effect. Emma comes walking up to the bar next to her, and Eddie takes two beers uncaps them and slides them down to Emma.] Joey: Help? Emma: Well, he might notice you faster if, um, if you let me do a little work on that t-shirt of yours. A few rips, a few tears. Do wonders for your tips. Joey: My what? Emma: Your tips. Your gratuities. [Laughs] What did you think I said? Joey: Nothing! [Emma takes her drinks and leaves the two of them] Eddie: Yes. Joey: Oh. Finally. Could you make me wait a little bit longer the next time? Eddie: Sorry, I, uh... guess I find you a little intimidating now that you've tried to ram your tongue down my throat. Joey: I need 2 drafts, a boilermaker, and I thought we agreed to never speak of that again. Eddie: You know, I don't remember having that conversation. Joey: We didn't. It was implied. Social conventions dictate that when something embarrassing happens, we all tacitly agree to never speak of them again. It's what keeps us going as a society. That...and alcohol. Eddie: Yeah, well, I don't. Joey: You don't what? Eddie: Don't agree. Joey: You know what? I really don't feel like getting into a philosophical discussion about this. I just would like you to— [Emma returns for some more drinks] Emma: oh, good god! You two aren't fighting again, are you? Eddie: No, no. Apparently, we're having some kind of... uh, philosophical discussion. Emma: Oh. Good. 'Cause I'm leaving. Off to rehearsal, where I hopefully still have a few band members left to, uh, fire before our big hell's kitchen debut performance tomorrow night. Eddie: Hey, if you want me to put up some of those flyers for you, I can. Emma: Oh, you are a love, aren't you? [She leans over the counter and kisses Eddie on the cheek.] Emma: Mmm! Oh, and it's just getting a bit crowded back there, so if you two could just kiss and make up, I'm sure the customers would appreciate it. [Emma leaves] Joey: You told her. Eddie: Coincidence. What? Why would I tell her? Joey: To embarrass me? Eddie: Oh, now, you're doin' a pretty good job of that all by yourself. [Joey takes the drinks and leaves] [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hotel bar. Dawson enters the bar and looks around and finds Todd and Natasha sitting at the bar drinking and talking together. He shakes his head and heads over to them, already able to tell that Todd is really drunk. He heads over to join them] Todd: Has anybody told you how pretty you are? Dawson: Hey. Natasha: Hi. Uh...you know what? It's getting late. I should get to bed. Big day tomorrow. Todd: [Drunkenly] Not to worry. You'll be great, luv. [Natasha leaves the two of them.] Todd: If you weren't such a disaster, with women, you might be sneaking off to join her now. Well, carry on. Dawson: Hold on. You're not gettin' rid of me that fast. Todd: As I suspected, you are not here to participate in the general debauchery. You're here to bore me with little work-related details. Dawson: 10 people want to know what plan "B" is for Friday. Todd: Tell 'em there is no plan "B." Dawson: You gotta at least call Heather Tracy back. She's called, like, 6 times in the past 2 days. Todd: Leery, your inability to relax disturbs me. Dawson: We're 3 days behind, under penalties every day this week. We've got a monster day tomorrow, no shot list. There's 70% chance of rain on Friday, and apparently no plan "B." How is that no worries? [Heather comes walking up from behind Todd] Heather: 3 days? I thought it was 4. Todd: Heather! Heather: Todd. Don't look so surprised. This is what you get for not returning my phone calls. Todd: No. It's lovely. It's lovely to see you. Do you remember Dawson? Heather: Yeah. We can B.S. The pleasantries later, sweetie. Right now I'm gonna need you to get me a better room. The girl at the front desk said it's impossible, but I'm sure you can work your little P.A. Magic. Todd: [Mouthing "help"] [Dawson catches the key that Heather chucked at him, and takes this as his cue to leave the two of them alone.] [Scene: Emma's Apartment. Pacey and Audrey are sitting in the living room, studying. Audrey is listening to her headphones rather loudly while reading her text book, and Pacey looks up from his book and smiles] Audrey: [Shouts] What?! Pacey: [Shouts]Nothing! [Audrey shuts off the headphones and takes them off] Is it good? Audrey: Is what good? Pacey: The book. Audrey: [Scoffs] Honey, it's required. How can it be good? [She gets up and heads to the kitchen] Pacey: Well, you know, it's just the first book that I've seen you crack all semester. [Audrey open the refrigerator, and looks inside] Audrey: She doesn't actually drink this green stuff, does she? Pacey: Hey! Audrey! Audrey: What? Pacey: Well, I'm tryin' to talk to you. Audrey: Ok, I'm listening. Pacey: Great. Then maybe you can tell me what's been botherin' you all week. Audrey: Nothing is bothering me. Pacey: Really? 'Cause I gotta say you've been actin' a little weird. Audrey: Ok, Pacey. Define weird. Pacey: Fine. "Weird" is studious. "Weird" is quiet. Audrey: What, so I act like Joey for a change, and all of a sudden, I'm weird? Ok, fine. Pacey: Look, I just want to know if perhaps you and Jen might've gotten into a little bit of trouble at that party last week. Audrey: No. And you know what? For a former party girl, that girl's not even on a first-name basis with trouble. Pacey: 'Cause, you know, jack and I were talking, and he said that he lost you at a certain point and you were a little worried, maybe. Audrey: Well, yeah. Pacey, it was crowded, and Jen ran into somebody that she knew. Pacey: Oh, really? A guy? Audrey: Yeah. A nice guy. A regular knight in shining armor. Pacey: Yeah, I'm sure he was. Just like me, right? Audrey: Yes, honey. Just like you. Pacey: You know, funny thing. We are all alone here tonight. [Pacey begins kissing her, but Audrey stops after a few seconds] Audrey: Um... yeah. I'm sorry. Pacey: Oh. Audrey: Ohh. No, it's just that I'm really tired and— Pacey: Yeah, cool. That's—tired. Audrey: No, because we could--- Pacey: No, no, no, no, no. I'm only-- it's all right. Just...pshh...no. I'm just... [Laughs] It's fine. [Pacey goes back to his chair and goes back to studying] [Scene: The apartment. It is the next morning, and Pacey has fallen asleep in the chair studying. Emma comes downstairs and goes to grab the coffee pot to pour herself a cup of coffee, and the pot is empty. She reaches over to the Coffee container on the container, but it is empty.] Emma: [Sighs] [Inhales deeply] Hmm. Pacey! [Pacey doesn't budge, still sleeping] Pacey! Pacey: Yes! What? I didn't do it. Emma: You stayed up again all last night, haven't you? Pacey: Yes. Emma: And you finished all the coffee. Pacey: [Talking at 90 miles an hour] Oh! Ok, yes. But there's more. We have plenty. And you know, it's really strange. That thing that everybody says about it being hard to stay up all night-- it's really not. It's just that hour from 4:00 to 5:00 that gets you. But you'd be amazed at what your mind actually retains. I mean, I know all about market options, equity accounts, nonconvertible bonds, but you'd— Emma: Pacey! Pacey: Yes? Emma: Coffee! Pacey: I got it. [Reaches into the cupboard and pulls out a new can of coffee. Then they hear the sound of the shower turning on] Emma: That's not your bloody girlfriend in the shower again, is it? Pacey: Nope. That's jack. [They suddenly hear Audrey's voice singing in the shower] Audrey: All the leaves are brown the leaves are brown and the sky is gray Pacey: [Laughs] Emma: Do you know how long she's gonna be in there? Pacey: Uh, that depends, really, on how big a water tank you have. Emma: Didn't we talk about this? Pacey: Yes, we did. Emma: She's here all the time. Pacey: Yes, she is. But you know what'd be a great idea? If the two of you would discuss this, and then I'll go to work, and you tell me how it works out when I get back. Ok? Ok. Bye-bye. Have a good day. Bye. [Pacey makes a quick exit. Emma goes into the bathroom to tell Audrey to stop singing, but stops and listens to her sing.] [Audrey singing] Audrey: All the leaves are brown, the leaves are brown ok. And the sky is gray and the sky is gray I went for a-- I went for a walk on such a winter day [Scene: Freeman's Class. Jen is sitting in the room waiting for class to start when Jack comes over and takes the seat next to hers] Jen: Hey. So, what happened? Jack: When? Jen: At the party after we lost you. Jack: Where'd you guys go, anyway? Jen: Nowhere. Jack: Yeah, right. Jen: Look, don't change the subject on me. I want the details. Jack: [Sighs] All right, look, nothin' happened. Ok? I mean, what could happen? The guy's straight. You know? Even if he magically woke up one morning and he was suddenly gay, it's not like I would actually get involved with the guy. Come on. Jen: You wouldn't? Jack: No. God, no. [Professor Freeman comes into the class, and heads to the podium] Freeman: Greetings, everyone. Sorry I'm late. But I see exhibits A, B, C, and D have arrived, by which I mean, of course, my teaching assistants, who may now begin the arduous task of handing you back your papers. Unless, of course, you'd prefer to sit here for 50 minutes staring at them while I drone on about representations of the single father in pre- and post-Vietnam American television. [Laughter] Freeman: No? No, I didn't think so. As you know, these papers represent 20% of your grade, most of which were graded by the T.A.s, of course. But I did review all the grades thoroughly myself, and I am prepared to deal with any and all sob stories that may be coming my way. Just please keep in mind yeah! This is not the first time I've heard the one about how a b-plus is gonna ruin your chances [Jen turns her paper over and sees that she got a B.] Jen: Turn it over. [Jack turns his over and sees he got a C- and is confused] Freeman: Of getting into a decent law school. [Laughter] [Scene: School Campus. Joey goes walking by a public posting board and sees Eddie hanging up some of the band's Flyers on the board, and walks by. She stops a short while later and heads back to him] Eddie: [Laughs] Should've kept walkin'. Joey: Here. Let me. Eddie: Nope. I got it. Joey: Just trying to be nice. Eddie: Well, don't. I liked you a lot better when you were surly. Joey: I am not-- look, I think that we have both been acting a little immature since the incident. Eddie: I've been acting immature? Joey: I know that I have. Eddie: Don't do that. Don't back down. If you do that in class today, Heston's gonna eat you alive. Joey: I see, and when will you be granting us with your in-class presentation? Eddie: You know, if you think I'm being a jerk, just tell me. Joey: And how is that gonna help us get along any better? Eddie: Oh, it's--it's not, but let's not pretend things are all nice when they're not. Joey: They're not? Eddie: No. The, uh, "incident," as you so clinically refer to it, was you kissing me on the mouth with some sort of twisted intent we've yet to clarify. Agreeable, yes, but hardly nice. Joey: What, so now we have to get into some sort of semantic argument? [They stop outside the entrance of the library] Joey: So, you coming or what? Eddie: What, to the library? Joey: Yeah. That's where we're headed. Eddie: That's where you were headed. And if you're still feeling "nice," you might want to hang some of these up in there. [He hands her some flyers and then heads off] [Scene: The film set. Dawson comes walking up to Todd who is sitting in the director's chair and they both watch as Heather walks past them screaming on the cell phone at someone. He is carrying a plate of food with him] Heather: Yeah, well, he wants a new D.P and he wants him now. It's not even noon, and she's already fired people on 3 continents. Todd: 3-egg omelet? Dawson: One egg, 2 egg whites. Todd: Let's do it. [The go over to Heather who is still yelling at the person on the phone] Heather: Yeah? Well, if I knew that, then I'd be the assistant. Listen, sweetie, I gotta go. Todd: Breakfast is served, luv. Heather: I'm not gonna beat around the bush, Todd. As your little friend here pointed out last night, you're way behind schedule and way over budget, both of which we could live with if the footage were a dream. But we hate the girl. Todd: Natasha? Heather: Natasha, Natalie, Nadia, whatever. The one with the nice rack. I know you said you could work with her, but we figure we shut down, we recast— Todd: Hold on a bloody minute here! Yes, she might've been a bit unprepared, but you don't go and shut down an entire production— Dawson: She can do this job. For a horror movie like this to work, the heroine's gotta be both sexy and intelligent. Natasha is that girl. Heather: Why do I care what he thinks? Todd: He is the target demographic. Dawson: Show her some cut footage. We can put some together by this afternoon. Heather: You really think that's gonna change my mind? Todd: Couldn't hurt. [Cell phone rings] Heather: Yeah? [She leaves them and they both look at each other] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Freeman's Class. The class has just ended and everybody is leaving. Jack and Jen are still sitting in their chairs looking at their paper grades.] Jen: Ok, well, this has gotta be some kind of mistake. I mean, mine's higher than yours. Jack: Looks that way. Jen: And you've actually been working hard all semester. Jack: Yeah, well, apparently not hard enough. [Jack heads up to the front of the class where Freeman is just finishing up with a student] Freeman: Real nice work. Jack: Hi. Freeman: Don't tell me, another unsatisfied customer. Jack: I--I just, um... had a question about my grade. Uh, C-minus seems a little low for a paper that you enjoyed. Freeman: I said that, did I? Jack: Yeah, you did the other night. Freeman: Of course. Uh, what I meant was I really enjoyed the content. Your grasp of structure, on the other hand, is quite rudimentary. I can recommend a few books that might help with that. However, I do have another class I need to get to right now. Jack: Yeah, sure. [Jack goes to leave] Freeman: You know, a c-minus really isn't all that bad, Jack. You told me yourself you weren't a very motivated student. Jack: Well, I guess I thought I was doin' better this term. Freeman: Well, maybe your expectations were too high. Jack: [Sighs] [Scene: The film set. Todd is sitting in a camera sled while one of the workers pushes the sled slowly and Todd looks through the camera trying to set up the shot.] Todd: Slower. Slower. [Shouts] Cut! Man: Cut on rehearsal. Todd: Can someone find leery for me, please? [Dawson comes running up to him] Dawson: Here. Right here. Todd: So, is she gone? Dawson: She left 15 minutes ago with directions to the nearest gym. Gonna meet with her and the editor when we break for lunch. Woman: Makeup's done with Natasha. We're just waiting on camera. Dawson: Thanks. Todd: Just the chance I've been waiting for. Dawson: What are you gonna do? Todd: What do you think I'm gonna do? Favorite part of the job, mate. Dawson: You don't mean that. Todd: Course I do. Nothing's as much fun as explaining to the overpaid hairdos how imminently replaceable they all are. Dawson: I thought you liked her. Todd: I do. Not as much as you do, of course, which may be clouding your judgment on this matter. Dawson: Point taken, but how is yellin' at her gonna help? I mean, if you destroy her confidence, the day's not gonna go any faster. Todd: Listen, mate, let me let you in on a little secret. 2-bit horror movies that get shut down one week into production? They don't always get started up again. And as someone who works for me, my continued employment might be of some interest to you. Dawson: So you'd fire her just like that. Todd: If it was a choice between her and me. That'd be dead easy now, wouldn't it? [Man comes running up to them] Man: Todd. They need you at camera. Todd: This discussion is not over. [The start walking back to the set, leaving Dawson alone, and a prop man gets in Todd's way.] Todd: 'Scuse me. [Scene: The Dressing Tent. Dawson walks in, as Natasha comes out of behind some clothing racks wearing no top or bra. She quickly covers up as Dawson adverts his eyes. And she goes over to the chair to grab her bra and puts it on] Natasha: I thought I had 5 minutes. Ooh! Dawson: Um--sorry. Natasha: Ha ha ha! Black bra, white shirt. Never a good idea. So, I, um... I heard Todd wants to talk with me. Dawson: Uh, yeah. It's, uh... about this shot. Natasha: What, it's complicated? Dawson: Well, he...likes to move the camera. Natasha: Yeah, so I noticed. So, um... who's that woman you guys were talking to this morning? Dawson: She's the, uh, executive in charge of production. She's worried about all the overtime. Natasha: Cool. Is something wrong, Dawson? Dawson: No, nothin', other than you being naked when I walked in. Natasha: Such a prude. If we're gonna work together, you're gonna have to learn to get over things like that. Dawson: All right. Well, you're gonna have to learn how to not leave every room I walk into. Natasha: Ok, so we both have room for improvement. [She finally decides which shirt to wear and begins putting it on.] Natasha: I know I'm in the doghouse. Dawson: What makes you think that? Natasha: Look... Todd's not the best communicator, and he's not exactly a touchy-feely kind of guy. A girl can tell. That's why I really need to nail this big scene tonight. Help me? My best friend's dying, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be thinking. Dawson: Don't think. Your best friend's dying. What are you gonna do? Natasha: I don't know. Save her? Comfort her? Dawson: And if that doesn't work? Natasha: Save myself? Dawson: Exactly. It's-- don't think. Just act. Just--and when Todd asks you to jump... Natasha: Ask how high. Dawson: And how far. Always be aware where the camera is. That's how you communicate with him. Natasha: [Sighs] You really think that's gonna work? [Woman reaches her head into the tent] Woman: They're ready for you, Natasha. Dawson: Guarantee it. Natasha: Thank you. [Scene: Pacey's work. Pacey is sitting at his desk, talking on a headset phone to a client. He is very into the phone conversation] Pacey: You're kiddin' me, right? I mean, Stan, look, I'm as risk-adverse as the next guy, but you're just quittin'. Y-you're not even keepin' up with the inflation, and, Stan, all I'm askin' for is a hint of your interest, and I w— [Pacey looks up and notices Audrey walk into the office space, and is a little perplexed by it.] uh...you know what, Stan? I'm gonna have to call you back on this, but I will be in touch, because, believe me, this is gonna be a hot issue. [He walks towards Audrey forgetting to take the phone off his head and it pulls off and falls to the floor as he goes over to Audrey] Audrey: Ah! There you are. Finally! That mean receptionist was— Pacey: Audrey. What are you doing here? Audrey: No hello? No smooch? I'm trying to tell you it took me forever to get past the— Pacey: honey. We can't do this here. Man: Get a room, Witter. Pacey: That's a great idea. Thanks for the tip. Ok, let's go to the conference room. Audrey: Bye, everyone. [They got into the conference room] [Humming] Pacey: Audrey. You really can't just pop in like this. Audrey: Well, what am I supposed to do, Pacey? You won't take any of my phone calls. Pacey: Because I'm at work. And when I'm at work, I'm on the phone, which makes it particularly difficult for me to take other calls. In fact, I shouldn't be in here right now. I should be outside... on the phone. Audrey: I get it. Ok, please don't be mad at me. Please? Please? The absolute best thing in the world has happened, and I wouldn't have come by if it weren't completely major. Pacey: How major? Audrey: Emma has asked me to be in her band. Me. For real. I mean, well, it's sort of on a trial basis, 'cause, you know, basically she still can't stand me and she thinks I ate all of her basmati rice or whatever, but we have been rehearsing all day, and we have a gig tonight at hell's kitchen. Pacey: That's great. Audrey: I know! It is! Which is why I had to come here and coerce you into coming out this evening. Honey, I need you there. It's kinda like my audition, and, from what I understand, Emma is a little bit of a temperamental control freak when it comes to her band. Say no more. You're gonna come? Pacey: I will, just so long as— Audrey: I'm leaving. Ok. Bye. [Pacey watches as she goes, then heads back to work] [Scene: Heston's Class. Joey is up in front of the entire class giving her oral presentation, as the class is listening.] Joey: The games continue, and, of course, culminate in the explanation of the cryptogrammic paper. Heston: Stop. I'm so bored, I'm losing my pulse here, potter. When Hubert gets called away for the urgent phone call, he returns to find Lolita doing what with the likes of Clare Quilty? Joey: Playing tennis. Heston: What kind of tennis? Joey: Good tennis? Heston: Potter! Oh, you disappoint me. How are we ever gonna learn anything today when the person who's supposed to be teaching us hasn't even read the book? Somebody? Anybody? [Eddie raises his hand when no one else does] Heston: Eddie. Of course Eddie. Eddie always knows. I mean, rarely volunteers, but always knows. So, please, enlighten us. Eddie: Doubles. Heston: Told you. Always knows. And thank god he's here to pick up the slack for Miss Potter, who... may now return to boring us to death. Eddie: Hey, you know, maybe if you laid off her for 2 seconds at a time, she might not be so nervous. Heston: What was that? A little criticism of my teaching techniques? Because I have to say I've always considered myself pretty lenient, pretty willing to overlook certain things other, more traditional, by-the-book teachers might not appreciate. Eddie: Whatever. Heston: Oh, you don't agree? [Laughs] I'm ready to make this a larger discussion any time you are. In fact, I've been ready for weeks now. Joey: Am I teaching here or what? Because... the doubles thing is actually very important. Heston: I know. That's why I brought it up. I'm gonna give you another chance to redeem yourself. Circa 1940, a well-known Russian émigré writer named Vladimir Sirin ceases to exist. Why? [Joey begins looking through her note cards in her hand] Heston: S-I-R-I-N. No idea? Perhaps you should ask your always-much-better- informed doppelganger. Eddie. Eddie: Because he never existed in the first place. Heston: Never existed! You mean he was a shadow? A shade? A double, perhaps? Someone passing himself off as someone else? Eddie: Yeah, you could say that, or you could just say it was a pen name. Heston: You could, but it's secret identity, nonetheless. I'm sorry. This seems a little... off-topic for you? Eddie: No. I'm just saying I get the point. Heston: Ah. But do the rest of them? Eddie: Do they need to? Heston: You tell me. Eddie: Personally, I think the question is moot. But if it really bothers you that much, I'll go. [Eddie Grabs his bag and leaves] Heston: Oh, well, don't just stand there, potter. Carry on. Joey: In a minute. Heston: Did you just say what I think you said? Joey: Yes. [Joey walks past Heston and out the door after Eddie] Joey: Hey. Wait up. Eddie: Oh, are you leaving, too? Joey: No, you're coming back. Look, I don't know what just happened back there, but you can't back down from him when he— Eddie: You're right. You don't know what just happened back there, so in that case, maybe the best thing for you to do is just mind your own damn business. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Emma is cleaning up a table while Joey is talking to her. It is early in the day, and there are not many people in for the lunch time crowd.] Emma: Well, he's not here. He must not be working tonight. Joey: He works every night. Emma: Well this is one. Joey: Well, you don't happen to know where he lives, do you? Emma: Flat somewhere. Take you, like, 2 hours to get there on public transport. Joey: You mean he doesn't live on campus? Emma: Which one? Joey: Worthington? Emma: Well, why would he live on the Worthington campus? Joey: Um, no reason. Emma: You didn't think he's a student, did you? I mean, I know he reads a lot. Joey: Yeah, he does. Emma: Um... you don't think they'd have his address on file in the back, do you? Joey: Probably. Emma: Thanks. And I'll be back to close, and good luck tonight with the gig. Joey: Thank you. Emma: Got a bit of a surprise for you, actually. Joey: Really! [Scene: The film set. Dawson, Todd and Heather are watching a scene in the cutting room.] Natasha: [on film] Somebody! [Pounding on door] Natasha: [on film] Somebody, please help me! Help! [The stop the scene] Heather: Well... that constitutes improvement. Adequate instead of abysmal. Dawson: That's not fair. Heather: [to sell phone] Get me Chatsworth. [To Dawson and Todd] I mean, come on. Is she supposed to be looking down at the ground like that, or did she just not know where her marks are? [To the cell phone] New York, L.A., I don't care! [She walks away from them] Dawson: She barely even watched it. Todd: Yeah, I can see that, but exactly whose job are you tryin' to save here? Dawson: Everyone's. Look, the worst possible thing that happens, you get shut down. Right? So you gotta get her to watch it again, and this time, highlight Natasha's strengths instead of her weaknesses. Use that close-up. And change that music. [He looks at Dawson, and then over to Scott] Todd: Do it. Fast. [Scott starts, and Todd turns to Dawson] And...you stay here. What's needed now is some cool professionalism. Dawson: Right. [Todd goes after Heather] Heather: All right. Fine. I'll hold. Todd: Heather, luv. Heather: Yes? Todd: How about we discuss this rationally before you throw out several thousand feet of film? Heather: Rational? Rational, like the time you took me to Bermuda with you and dumped me for an exotic dance instructor? Todd: Look, there's no reason to get personal about it. You know what I mean? You're engaged now. Heather: Working on a film that's about to be shut down... by me and quite possibly never started up again. [to the cell phone] Still holding. Todd: Look! You signed off on this girl, did you not? It wasn't some other prada-wearing nightmare I accidentally shagged! Heather: For your information, I signed off on this girl because I thought you could get a performance out of her. [they join Dawson and Scott who were working on the cuts] Dawson: And he did. You just haven't seen it yet. Scott? [they start playing the new cuts] Natasha: [on film] Somebody, please help me! Somebody! Help me! Somebody! Somebody, help me! Please! Please! Somebody, please help me! Dawson: Better, no? Before it was all about the location, whereas now it's like we're alone with her and her fear. Todd: What do you think? Your job could be on the line here, too, you know. Natasha: Well, I think your little friend here makes a good point. [Scene: outside Freeman's office. Jack is waiting outside for Freeman to finish up with the student in his office. He is becoming very anxious while waiting.] Jack: Come on. [Exhales] [The door opens and a student comes out] Freeman: Jack. Sorry. I didn't know anybody else was out there. [They go into his office] Jack: Yeah. Must, uh... must take a while to get to the end of all your adoring fans. Freeman: So, what can I help you with? Jack: Look, I've been thinking about this all day. Uh, there's just one more thing I gotta ask you about this paper. Freeman: Sure. Jack: If I hadn't been so shocked about what you said to me the other night, would this C-minus have been any higher? Freeman: Low blow. Jack: Yeah, 'cause, you know, I'm just tryin' to make an informed decision here, and if that's what this is all about, hell, ask me again, 'cause I just might say yes this time. Freeman: I don't know what to say. Um... sometimes people read too much into things. Jack: Too much? How about too little? 'Cause I'm totally willin' to go through— Freeman: I get it. I get your point. You know, it's one thing to be some scared teenager, afraid of his-- his friends, his family, afraid of what everybody he meets might think and say about him. You know, I can forgive that. Hell, I can expect that. But you, you're an adult. Ok, somebody's married to you. You're-- you're ruining lives here on a much larger scale. Freeman: What can I say? Not everyone's willing to make sacrifices for some sort of political agenda. Not everybody's willing to spend their lives being part of a despised minority. Jack: Yeah. [Laughs] Well... that's true. But maybe you should ask yourself who's doin' the despising. [Walks out of the office leaving his paper on the desk] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Audrey is in the back room, nervously awaiting going on stage when Jen comes back to join her. Audrey is porting a fake Nose and lip ring.] Audrey: So you checked. I mean, he's out there, right? Jen: Well, I'm not exactly sure. It's--it's kind of too crowded to tell. Audrey: How crowded? Jen: Way crowded. Why? Are you ok? You're not scared, are you? Audrey: No! God, no. Why would I be scared? Jen: I don't know. You j--you just-- you seem sort of tense. Audrey: I'm fine. Jen: Hey. Um...about the other night. Audrey: What other night? Jen: When we got really drunk. Audrey: You know what? To be honest-to-god truthful with you, Jen, I don't really remember that at all, so— [Emma comes into the back room] Emma: Ok, ladies, enough checkin' your makeup. I think the crowd's suitably drunk by now. Audrey: Does that mean that we're on? Emma: It does. [Emma and Audrey make their way onto the stage as Jen goes back into the audience.] Emma: Hey. The piercings are a nice touch, by the way. Audrey: Thank you! Emma: Screw this up, and I'll kill you. Audrey: Ok. Sure. [Audrey goes up to the mic and begins to introduce the band] Audrey: Um...hey, everybody. We are the hell's belles, and we thought we would play a few songs for you now, you know, something... soothing, something relaxing, something... [Drum beat] [Drum playing rhythmic beat] Audrey: All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray! I've been for a walk on a winter day I'd be safe and warm, warm, warm if I was in L.A.! California dreamin' on such a winter day! California dreamin' on such a winter day! [Scene: Outside an apartment door. Joey comes walking up to the door after checking the address she wrote down on a piece of paper, she goes to knock on the door when Eddie come walking up from behind her.] Eddie: What the hell you doing here? Joey: God, you scared me. Eddie: Yeah, obviously. I asked you a question. Joey: I just wanted to talk to you about what happened in class today. Eddie: Yeah, well, since I'm not really in that class anymore— Joey: Look, I know. I get it, ok? I get that you're not really a student. Eddie: You get that, do you? Joey: Yeah. I mean, I don't really get what it was all for, but-- you know, I've come a long way. Maybe you could just give me a glass of water or something? [They go inside] Joey: So, my presentation actually went ok after you left. I mean, I just went in there, and I— Eddie: Mm-hmm. Congratulations, Joey. I'm happy for you. Yeah. I'm sure you're only seconds away from breaking through Heston's crusty exterior, earning his undying respect, and graduating magna cum laude. Or you could just save yourself a lot of trouble and sleep with the man. Joey: Is it just me, or do you react this nicely to everybody who's trying to help you? What? No response? Eddie: You're gonna have to give me a second here. I'm still trying to process the condescending notion that help is actually required. Joey: Oh, you don't think it's possible I could understand? Eddie: No, I don't. Look, Joey, I'm sorry I didn't turn out to be the person you thought I was, but you know what? Probably not too wise to invest that much in people you barely know. Joey: Oh, I haven't invested anything in you. Eddie: Oh, yeah? Then why are you here? See, it seems to me that you're wasting valuable time that would be better spent trying to get back with that preppy boyfriend of yours if he'll have you. Joey: You know what? You remember when you told me to tell you when you were being a jerk? Eddie: Yeah. You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble by just calling first. Joey: Oh. I guess it didn't seem like trouble at the time. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Audrey is still on stage performing before a huge crowd. Jen is in the audience cheering Audrey on, Joey enters the bar looking around for Jen.] [Girls just want to have fun playing] Audrey: [Singing] I come home in the morning light my mother says what, you gonna live your life right? Oh, mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones and girls, they want to have-- oh, girls just want to have fun the phone rings in the middle of the night my father says what you gonna do with your life? Oh, daddy dear, you know you're still number one but girls, they want to have-- oh, girls just want to have-- that's all they really want some fun when the working day is done oh, girls, they want to have-- oh, girls just want to have fun [Joey finally finds Jen and goes over to join her] Joey: Hey. Jen: Hey! I was beginning to think you didn't work here anymore. Joey: Is that— Jen: Oh, Audrey. Yeah. She joined Emma's band. Audrey: [Singing] Just wanna they just wanna just wanna they just wanna just wanna they just wanna just wanna girls just want to have fun oh girls just want to have fun Crowd: Whoo! Jen: Yay, Audrey! Crowd: Whoo hoo! [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Back room. The group has just finished playing and Audrey and Emma come into the back room, and plop down in chairs as Audrey grabs some water and throws a bottle to Emma] Audrey: Oh, my god, that was amazing! Emma: Yeah, well, it didn't suck! Audrey: Oh, come on! It worked! They loved us! Admit it. They loved us. Emma: All right. Yeah. They loved us. [Joey and Jen come into the back room] Audrey: Joey, honey, you made it! Joey: Yes. I didn't see the whole thing, but you were great! Jen: You were more than great. You were amazing. Audrey: See? Do you see that? We were amazing. Where's Pacey? [No one answer, and she is upset by this] [Scene: The movie set. Dawson is standing next to the chair that Heather is sitting in waiting as Todd comes walking up with Natasha with him] Todd: Heather, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Natasha, this is Heather Tracy from the studio. Heather: Hi. Oh, my god! It is so great—[She gives Natasha a phony Hollywood kiss on the cheek] Mwah! To finally meet you! You have amazing skin. Natasha: Uh...thanks. Heather: Such a total pro. We are so happy to have you on our team. Great job in the scene tonight, by the way. Natasha: Thanks. I decided not to think tonight. Todd: Heather, shall we? Heather: Goody. I can hardly wait. Todd: See you kids later. [Todd and Heather walk off together.] Natasha: She hates me, right? Dawson: I wouldn't say that. Natasha: It's generally not a good sign when the director leaves the set at lunch with someone who's just arrived from L.A. What'd you guys do, go shoe shopping? Start auditioning my replacement? Dawson: Uh...the first one. Natasha: You're not a good liar, Dawson. In fact, you're a spectacularly bad liar. Come on. You can be honest with me. I know I got this job on a fluke. Dawson: You got this job because you're the best person for the part, because you're tremendously talented. Natasha: Yeah, right. Or maybe just tremendously lucky. Dawson: I think everyone feels that way about success— Everyone with a soul. Natasha: And you've still got one, right? Dawson: [Sighs] I think so. Natasha: I think that may be why we ended up together, you and me. When we met at that party... Dawson: Mm-hmm. Natasha: I was pretty down on myself. I thought maybe I was an idiot for trying to do this thing and that I should just give up and, I don't know, be a kindergarten teacher like my mom's always telling me. Dawson: Your mom wanted you to be a kindergarten teacher? Natasha: [Laughs] Yeah. Dawson: Ha ha! Natasha: There's a lot she doesn't know about my teen years. Dawson: Heh! Natasha: Anyway... I remember thinking, if one more working actor sits down next to me and starts complaining about his life, I will scream. I will literally get up out of this chair and run screaming to California Pizza Kitchen, quit my job, and move home. And then you came over. Why'd you do that, anyway? Dawson: Honestly? Natasha: Mm-hmm. Dawson: You were the only hot girl in the room who looked like she might have actually read a book at some point in her life. Natasha: And you knew right then that I was right for this part. Dawson: After I talked to you for a little while, yeah. Natasha: So you weren't just chatting me up? Dawson: Oh, I was chatting you up. Natasha: You were? Dawson: Oh, yeah. But I figured telling you about some big audition couldn't exactly hurt. Natasha: Yeah. Then I nailed it. I still can't believe it. God, that was a great day. It felt like my luck was finally changing. Dawson: It has. Natasha: Yes, it has. Well, I should go get changed. Dawson: All right. Natasha: But maybe tonight at the bar, we could, I don't know, play some air hockey or throw some darts. Dawson: I'd like that. Natasha: Me, too. [She goes into her trailer, and Dawson just smiles and walks off] [Scene: Outside Emma's Apartment. Emma and Audrey come walking up to the apartment after their gig at Hell's Kitchen.] Audrey: It kind of rocks that the bar's right across the street. Emma: It simplifies things a bit, actually. Audrey: You know, I really should thank you. Emma: What for? Audrey: For taking a chance on me and all that crap. Emma: Can't really mess up punk-rock all that bad, now, can you? Audrey: I know, but still it was important to you, and you trusted me, and... Emma: Let's not hug or anything. Your pig of a boyfriend's likely to enjoy that. Audrey: He would, actually. [They go inside to find Pacey sitting on the couch passed out, sitting straight up] Emma: Oh, dear. Poor sot. He stayed up all last night, you know, and he was gonna crash. Oh, well. See you tomorrow. Good night. Audrey: Good night. [Emma goes upstairs and Audrey goes up behind Pacey and begins shaking him awake.] Pacey: Uhh! Audrey: Hey. Pacey: Oh, crap. I missed it, didn't I? Audrey: Yeah. Pacey: Audrey, I was coming in to change my clothes, and I meant to just— Audrey: You didn't get very far with that, did you? Pacey: Ok. Tell me how I can make this up to you. Please. Whatever you want. I am completely, totally, utterly yours, at your service. Audrey: I know it's kind of late and everything, but do you think you could just drive me home? Pacey: Yeah, sure. Of course. Audrey: I just kind of want to sleep in my own bed tonight. Pacey: Absolutely. Not a problem. Audrey: Ok. I'm gonna go get my stuff. Pacey: [Yawns] Ok. I'll be-- I'll just wait here. [Sighs] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. It is after closing, and Joey is cleaning up, when Eddie comes walking into the bar.] Joey: What are you doing here? Eddie: I knew you were closing, thought you could use a little help. Joey: In what way could you possibly help? Eddie: All right. That was fair. Joey: Not to mention how condescending it is, you know, the assumption that I actually need help. Eddie: Ok, I get it. Are you done yet? Joey: Only for the time being. Eddie: It was an accident, ok? The first time I did it. Joey: How do you accidentally sit in on a class and pretend to be a student? Eddie: Well, I'm on my lunch hour, I'm sitting under some tree, and this grad student comes over with his whole section of "great books" one-oh-whatever- the-hell-it-is, and they start talking about Shakespeare. Joey: And you just happened to be reading it that day? Eddie: No. I was reading Moby Dick. Later, I read Shakespeare. Joey: All of it? Eddie: No sense in doing things halfway, right? Joey: I see, and since it was so easy, you just kept doing it. Eddie: It prevents me from deliberately stepping into the street and methodically knocking people's hats off. Joey: Moby Dick, right? Eddie: Hey, maybe you're not as dumb as Heston thinks you are. Joey: We'll see. Look. Contrary to what you might believe, I only came by your place tonight to apologize. I felt like it was kind of my fault that you got caught today. Eddie: How's that? Joey: Heston wouldn't have singled you out if you weren't trying to be so nice to me. Eddie: Nice? You thought I was trying to be nice to you? Joey: Yeah. It seemed kind of obvious. Eddie: Wrong. Joey: Wrong? Eddie: Yes. That wasn't me being nice. That was me showing off. You know, you disappoint me, Potter. Joey: I do? Eddie: Yes. Joey: How are we supposed to learn anything today, people? Eddie: You didn't do your groundwork, did you? Joey: No, I didn't. Eddie: No, you didn't. [Scene: A coffee Stand on Campus. Jack has just ordered a cup of coffee and Professor Freeman comes walking up from behind him and throws Jack's Paper on the counter. The grade has been changed from a C-minus to a B.] Jack: What's this? Freeman: You left your paper in my office yesterday. Jack: Is this supposed to make everything ok? Freeman: Look, maybe I did let my emotions affect the way that I graded your paper. If I did, that's inexcusable. Jack: I sense an excuse coming on here. Freeman: You have no idea, do you, of how much the world has changed? Jack: Look, if the world's changed, it's because people are willing to stand up and be honest about things, not hide behind things that are easier. Freeman: When I was growing up, when I was--how did you put it-- a scared teenager, you didn't have gay kids coming out to their parents on MTV. Jack: Yeah, and Jack Tripper was the only gay man in America, right? Freeman: You think that's such a small thing, such a minute cultural difference? Maybe you really haven't been paying attention in my class, jack. Jack: Just do me a favor and have one of the T.A.s grade my papers from now on, please. Freeman: No problem. [Freeman leaves and Jen comes walking up to Jack] Jen: Ooh, nice. Little private teacher conference. What was that all about? Jack: I'm just getting that thing with my paper straightened out. Jen: Oh, yeah. Is it? Jack: Straight? Yeah. Perfectly. [They walk off together as the camera pulls away form them]
Plan: A: the girl; Q: What does Dawson get when a producer visits the "Wicked Dead" movie set to fire Natasha? A: production; Q: What does the producer want to close down? A: Audrey; Q: Who is excited to be the lead singer of Emma's band? A: Pacey; Q: Who misses the gig that Audrey is asked to be the lead singer of Emma's band? A: Joey; Q: Who demands the truth from Eddie? Summary: Dawson manages to "get the girl" when a producer visits the "Wicked Dead" movie set to fire Natasha and close down production. Audrey is excited when asked to be the lead singer of Emma's band but is crushed when Pacey misses the gig. Joey demands the truth from Eddie.
MUSIC IN: EXT. FARM HOUSE - DAY (SFX: VAN DOORS OPEN) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KYLE WALKS FROM THE VAN TO THE FARM HOUSE) (DOOR OPENS) KYLE: Up there. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGRAW CLIMBS THE LADDER TO THE LOFT) (SFX: PIGEONS B.G.) KELLEHER: Tell me this has not been just a total waste of my time, Trooper. MCGRAW: There's something up here, Sir. I'm just not exactly sure what it is. KELLEHER: You promised us bodies. KYLE: One thing at a time, Warden. First we start with my souvenirs. KELLEHER: Souvenirs? KYLE: When I was sick... they were my favorite sexual organs. Tongues.(SFX: GLASS BREAKS) KELLEHER: Where are the girls? KYLE: Close. But you have to give me a little something in return for them, Sam. KELLEHER: The only thing you're going to get from me is your last meal. Take that animal back to death row. KYLE: What about the victim's families? I'm their last chance for closure. KELLEHER: What is it you want? KYLE: Not much. Just the man who put me in these. NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs (FADE OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY CASSIDY: (V.O.) I will never forget the day that Gibbs caught this psycho. TONY: You knew Gibbs back then? CASSIDY: No! I was a junior at Georgetown and for two years, every woman in D.C. was afraid to go out at night. TONY: That must have been tough. CASSIDY: Yeah. You have no idea. I actually owe Gibbs for the first full night of sleep I got in college. TONY: Hmm. I meant dating. CASSIDY: Yes. Yes. Dating was tough. TONY: Need any help with that now, Paula? CASSIDY: No, Tony. Thank you. I've been there. I've done that. TONY: Ha ha! Ouch! CASSIDY: Your problem with women is where you're focused. TONY: Where? CASSIDY: Mmm... here. It's a mirror. TONY: Quick question. The pink ones, do they taste like Strawberry Starburst? I thought you said you weren't seeing anyone! CASSIDY: I'm not. TONY: Hmm? CASSIDY: It's for my complexion. TONY: Complexion got a name? CASSIDY: Tony, you so don't want to go there. TONY: Just tell me it's not another agent because I don't really think I could-- (F/X: CASSIDY SLAMS TONY TO THE DESK) (SFX: TONY SHOUTS/SQUEALS) CASSIDY: His name's Bob, and he's a lawyer. TONY: What a coincidence. I hate lawyers. CASSIDY: I know. So do I. That's why it's (WHISPERS) purely a sexual relationship. TONY: Well, what would that make me? CASSIDY: A big mistake. If you do not give me by birth control pills, I'm going to break your arm. MCGEE: I've got that coffee. CASSIDY: Have you been there long? MCGEE: Uh, long enough to say "No Ma'am," Agent Cassidy. CASSIDY: Okay. Good answer. (TO TONY) Thank you. TONY: I let her do that. CASSIDY: Thank you. MCGEE: Who's that? CASSIDY: Kyle Boone. TONY: He's an infamous serial killer, Probie. Terrorized the District in the nineties. Come on. CASSIDY: Twenty two women went missing and five bodies were found. TONY: Guy only made one mistake. CASSIDY: He killed a Petty Officer. MCGEE: Gibbs caught him? TONY: He's scheduled for a Government-sanctioned dirt nap on Saturday. CASSIDY: He wants to talk to Gibbs before they flip the switch. MCGEE: Why? TONY: He claims he's going to tell him where the bodies are. GIBBS: What the hell is that doing on my screen? MCGEE: Uh... I didn't put it there, Boss. GIBBS: Who did, McGee? TONY: Probie, let me handle this. Boss, she did it. CASSIDY: We heard you were interviewing.... Kyle Boone, and we assumed we would be providing backup. GIBBS: You heard wrong, Cassidy. I'm not interviewing anyone. CASSIDY: Oh, well then you might want to let the Governor of Virginia know, since MTAC has him standing by waiting for your call. GIBBS: Find her a desk. CASSIDY: Is that one...? GIBBS: No, it's taken. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) CASSIDY: A whole week of T.A.D. with Gibbs. I can smell the fun already. MCGEE: Well, it's been a tough month. TONY: Right now he pretty much hates everyone, Paula. Including himself. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY NORIN: (ON MONITOR) I was told by your Director that you would be personally interviewing Kyle Boone this afternoon, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: Director Shepard was misinformed, Governor. Talking to Kyle Boone would be a waste of time. NORIN: (ON MONITOR) Possibly. But if there's even a chance that he would reveal to you the location of his victims, we have to take it. GIBBS: I disagree, Sir. He's had ten years to think about it. Why the change of heart now? NORIN: (ON MONITOR) In my experience, men facing eminent death tend to re-evaluate the course of their lives. Most seek forgiveness. GIBBS: You trust me, Sir. Boone had a lot of interests. Forgiveness wasn't one of them. NORIN: (ON MONITOR) How can you be so sure? GIBBS: I spent five months interrogating him. NORIN: (ON MONITOR) That was a decade ago. People change. GIBBS: People, Sir - maybe. Not Kyle Boone. NORIN: (ON MONITOR) Are you refusing to meet with him? GIBBS: I'm refusing to entertain a homicidal maniac who tortured and killed twenty-two women, Sir. I have played that game before. NORIN: (ON MONITOR) And the hundreds of family members who lost a daughter, a sister, or a mother? What do I tell them? GIBBS: That no matter what Kyle Boone says in the next few days, come Saturday, Sir, you're going to make sure he fries. NORIN: (ON MONITOR) We all owe you a debt of gratitude for bringing him to justice, Agent Gibbs. But uh... you leave me little choice. I am sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STAIRS - DAY NCIS TECH: Sir! We've got a high priority transmission coming through for you in MTAC. GIBBS: From whom? NCIS TECH: Secretary of the Navy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: CASSIDY'S CHAIR SLIPS LOWER) TONY: Well, look on the bright side. CASSIDY: What is the bright side? TONY: You're only here a week. CASSIDY: Why couldn't I sit at Kate's desk? TONY: Mostly because it's still Kate's desk. CASSIDY: She was a great agent. TONY: Yeah. CASSIDY: How are you handling it? TONY: Same way I handle everything. I try not to think about it. CASSIDY: And when that doesn't work? TONY: There's always junk food. CASSIDY: It doesn't sound very healthy, Tony. TONY: It's either that or I start building a boat in my basement. CASSIDY: Did you move from your apartment? TONY: No. Now you see my dilemma. CASSIDY: Hey, if you ever do want to talk about it, I'm here for you. Okay? TONY: You mean that? CASSIDY: Yes, of course I mean it. TONY: Okay. Well then let me ask you something. What's Bobby like in bed? CASSIDY: Oh, Kate was right. You are truly, truly pathetic, DiNozzo. MCGEE: Ah, you two might want to get busy. Gibbs is headed this way and he looks pissed. CASSIDY: Think he caved into the Governor? TONY: No way! MCGEE: No way! If Gibbs doesn't want to do something, he doesn't. TONY: No matter who's asking. (TO GIBBS) Where you going, Boss? GIBBS: Sussex State Prison to interview Kyle Boone. Be gone the rest of the day. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) CASSIDY: Yep, you two sure have him pegged. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STATE PRISON - DAY KELLEHER: We moved Boone to Death Watch on Monday. That's when he decided he wanted to talk. We do things a little different here in Virginia. The condemned get a choice: lethal injection or death by electrocution. Boone is the first one to choose the chair. GIBBS: He deserves worse. O' NEILL: Special Agent Gibbs? I'm Adam O'Neill, Kyle Boone's attorney. I really appreciate your coming. I uh... I understand you're reluctant to, but I truly believe that my client's intentions are sincere here. GIBBS: The day I arrested your client, we found two human female tongues in his refrigerator. O' NEILL: I'm familiar with the case, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: Really? Are you familiar with the names of his victims? O' NEILL: Look, I'm not here to talk about the past. I'm here trying to save a man's life. GIBBS: Boone wants a deal? O' NEILL: No. Mister Boone wants the chair for his crimes. I'm the one hoping to get him life in prison. GIBBS: Good luck with that. O' NEILL: Agent Gibbs, please! I'm just trying to do my job here. Maybe together we can both help the victims' families find some closure. GIBBS: Be there Saturday. You'll be able to see them get that. KELLEHER: Right this way, gentlemen. O' NEILL: Well actually, against my advice, Mister Boone has elected to meet with Agent Gibbs....alone. KELLEHER: There will be a guard out here if you need him. GIBBS: I won't. (SFX: BUZZER) (SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DEATH-WATCH CELL - DAY KYLE: Nice to see you again, Jethro. I wasn't sure if you'd come, but here you are. GIBBS: You've got two minutes. Start talking. KYLE: You know, you look almost the same. Except the hair. When did it go gray? GIBBS: Where are the bodies? KYLE: We'll get to that. There's just a few things I need to ask you first. I guess they showed you my souvenirs? GIBBS: There weren't twenty in that jar. KYLE: Your point? GIBBS: I always thought you were padding your count. KYLE: Ah. Baiting me? Denigrating my rep? Come on. You know that approach never worked on me, Jethro. GIBBS: A minute thirty eight. KYLE: Can't we just chat for a bit? Catch up? Hmm? How's the wife? She left you, didn't she? I tried to warn you about that. Women can't understand men like us. GIBBS: You've got what, Boone? Three days left? How does it feel? KYLE: I'm kind of terrified. Weird, considering my former activities. GIBBS: They say it can take up to four minutes to die in the chair. Me personally? I'm hoping it takes a lot longer. KYLE: You really have changed. The old Gibbs was never this abrupt. Did you remarry? GIBBS: You've got less than a minute. KYLE: Okay. Okay. Too personal. And what about NCIS Special Agent Caitlyn Todd? Can we talk about her? I saw her picture in The Post. They said she was shot by a terrorist. Did you cut back on the caffeine like I told you? GIBBS: See you Saturday. KYLE: Come on, Gibbs. I was just having some fun with you. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) (SFX: BUZZER) KYLE: You can't leave. You're here because you're following orders like a good Marine. Right, Gunny? I'll tell you where they are. Where they all are. There's more than twenty-two, Jethro. Lots more. (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Where is he, Timothy? MCGEE: Uh who? DUCKY: Gibbs, damn it! (TO TONY) Hey! Do you even know the difference between good and bad cholesterol, Tony? TONY: No. But I'm assuming it has something to do with taste. DUCKY: Bad is what came back on your last blood test. (TO MCGEE) Dispose of this. TONY: Hey hey hey. That cost me sixteen bucks, that pizza. DUCKY: You'll thank me when you're my age. MCGEE: But you eat pizza all the time. DUCKY: Exactly. TONY: I don't really see the connection here. DUCKY: Well, of course you wouldn't. You're not a doctor. Where is Gibbs? TONY: Sussex State Prison. Interviewing Kyle Boone. DUCKY: He said he wasn't going. TONY: He wasn't. MCGEE: Until the SECNAV ordered him to. DUCKY: Who's with him? MCGEE: No one. DUCKY: Have you any idea the effect that psychopath had on Gibbs ten years ago? TONY: Considering how open Gibbs is about his personal life, uh... no. Not a clue. DUCKY: Yeah. He should not have gone alone. MCGEE: Well, Ducky, it's Gibbs. I'm sure he'll be fine. DUCKY: It's easy for you to say. You didn't have to live through this the last time. (PHONE RINGS) TONY: (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo. Where? Yeah, I got it, Boss. We're on our way. (TO CASSIDY) Cassidy, saddle up. Gibbs wants you in the field. Boone family farm. CASSIDY: He wants me? TONY: That's what he said! Let's roll! The difference between ten years ago and today, Ducky? We have Gibbs back. DUCKY: There's another difference, Tony. Ten years ago, Gibbs was a very different man. TONY: You mean he was actually meaner? DUCKY: Oh, quite the opposite. He was... he was a lot like you. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY TONY: What do we got?(SFX: CAR DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) CASSIDY: I can save you time, Gibbs. My measurements are thirty-four... TONY: Twenty-six, thirty-four. A hundred and twenty pounds? I'm right, aren't I? CASSIDY: Did you weigh and measure me in my sleep? TONY: I'm a crime scene sketch expert. That's what I do. GIBBS: You'll do. CASSIDY: Gibbs, again. You have such a way of making a gal feel so special. GIBBS: Put this on. McGee? MCGEE: Yeah, Boss? GIBBS: You might want to wear kneepads. (SFX: VAN DOORS OPEN) MCGEE: Do we even have kneepads? TONY: Equipment inventory is Kate's job! You might want to ask-- (TONY WALKS O.S.) CASSIDY: Do you know what the hell we're doing? MCGEE: Following Gibbs' lead? CASSIDY: On what? MCGEE: Don't know. CASSIDY: You don't know and that doesn't bother you at all? MCGEE: You get used to it. CASSIDY: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.(SFX: DOORS CLOSE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. FARM HOUSE - DAY TONY: This place must have been gone over a dozen times, Boss. There's no way there's any bodies in here. GIBBS: I'm not looking for bodies, Tony. He was raised here by his uncle. His mother was a prostitute. She left town when he was twelve. TONY: Then what are we looking for? GIBBS: Proof. Boone swears it's here. The only place we didn't look is inside this chimney. CASSIDY: (V.O.) I think I got something. Ow! No. That's just a dead bird. MCGEE: Oh, that's disgusting. TONY: I'll bet this wasn't in the brochure when you signed up for NCIS, Probie. MCGEE: You know you were wrong earlier. TONY: About what? MCGEE: She weighs more than a buck twenty. CASSIDY: Oh! MCGEE: Ow! CASSIDY: Sorry. MCGEE: She did that on purpose. CASSIDY: (V.O.) Okay. Oh, no. I got it. It's right here by the flue. I got it! I'm coming down. MCGEE: Finally. You could have taken your boots - oh, geez! CASSIDY: My bad. Looks like a book. (CAMERA ANGLE CLOSE ON PHOTOS IN THE ALBUM) CASSIDY: There must be thirty pages there. TONY: More. MCGEE: What's carved into their backs? GIBBS: That's his calling card. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DEATH-WATCH OUTER CELL - DAY BRIGGS: Is something wrong? KYLE: This section on my mother, John, is better. But it still needs work. BRIGGS: I was trying to humanize her, Kyle. KYLE: Don't. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) KYLE: Did you find it all right, Jethro? I guess you wouldn't be here if you didn't. I don't believe you've met my biographer, John Briggs. BRIGGS: Special Agent Gibbs, it is a pleasure. I've been trying to schedule an interview with you for months. KELLEHER: You're going to have to leave now, Briggs. BRIGGS: I've been granted special permission by the State of Virginia to be here, Warden. KELLEHER: Not anymore. GIBBS: The next time you see Boone, he'll have a thunderbolt shooting out of his ass. BRIGGS: Hey, I was... I was guaranteed full access for the next three days. GIBBS: The warden asked you to leave. Don't make him ask you again. KYLE: You'll have to excuse Agent Gibbs, John. He's finally gotten a glimpse into the world I've been telling him about. BRIGGS: The scrap book? You found his scrapbook? When will it be released? KELLEHER: Son, if you want to walk out of here under your own power, I suggest you leave now. (BRIGGS WALKS O.S.) (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) KYLE: John really is a wonderful writer. You know he spent years trying to understand me. Unfortunately, he just never seemed to measure up. GIBBS: To who? Your prostitute mom? Or your father? Some hick john with a few extra bucks in his pocket? KYLE: Actually, I was referring to you, Jethro. GIBBS: The show's over. Where is the dumping ground? KYLE: You show me my scrapbook one last time and I'll draw you a map even a Marine can follow. GIBBS: No. They've suffered enough. KYLE: Well, we're at an impasse. GIBBS: Are you going to keep playing this game with me, Boone? KYLE: I've never considered any of this a game, Jethro. You know that. GIBBS: Whatever. I'm changing the rules. KYLE: How so? GIBBS: I've seen your world. Now you're going to spend what's left of your miserable life in mine. (SFX: BUZZER/DOOR SLIDES OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS GARAGE - NIGHT TONY: All right, listen up my little probationary field agents. You are about to witness the transfer of a maximum security prisoner to our humble facility. While he's here, he's our sole responsibility. (BEAT) Oh, I'm sorry. Am I boring you? CASSIDY: My god, does he ever stop? MCGEE: I'm just glad it's not me. CASSIDY: It's ten o'clock. It doesn't make sense bringing Boone here now. MCGEE: Gibbs is trying to put him on unfamiliar ground. Throw him off balance. CASSIDY: Because that worked so well ten years ago? What's different now? GIBBS: I am, Cassidy. TONY: Stand tall! Wake up, Probies! (SFX: GARAGE DOOR SLIDES OPEN) (SFX: VAN DOORS OPEN) KYLE: I knew I could count on you, Jethro. It's good to be home again. Yeah, good to be home. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: The guy's been impersonating a statue all night. According to the watch, he hasn't moved a muscle. CASSIDY: Yuck, he's creepy. When is Gibbs going to start his interrogation? TONY: When he's ready. CASSIDY: You might want to tell him to hurry. He's got less than forty-eight hours before Boone's scheduled to be executed. TONY: I've got a better idea, Paula. Why don't you tell him? CASSIDY: (CHUCKLES) Because I'm not stupid. TONY: No. Of all the things you are, stupid definitely isn't one of them. CASSIDY: Thank you. Okay, what's that supposed to mean? TONY: Nothing! By the way, how's Bobert? CASSIDY: Why, are you jealous? TONY: Oh, of a lawyer? Give me a break. CASSIDY: He's very rich. TONY: Money isn't everything. CASSIDY: He's got season tickets to the Red Skins. Private sky box. TONY: I'm happy for him. CASSIDY: And I almost forgot... he drives a Ferrari. Red. TONY: Like Magnum. Well, that's nice. CASSIDY: Isn't it? TONY: You know what's even nicer? My current view. Victoria's Secret? Agent Cassidy. CASSIDY: Well, you enjoy it as long as you can, Agent DiNozzo, because that's as close as you're going to get. GIBBS: Cassidy? Check Boone's security detail. CASSIDY: You got it. TONY: I'll give her a hand with that. GIBBS: Wait. (CASSIDY WALKS O.S.) (GIBBS HITS TONY) TONY: What was that for? GIBBS: Letting her get to you. TONY: Boss, I was not letting her get - I won't let it happen again. Thanks. GIBBS: It's for Abby. Go find out how many victims she ID'd from Boone's scrapbook. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: There were twenty nine women in the scrapbook, McGee. And as far as I can tell, they're in the order that they were killed. Now, Boone has admitted to killing twenty two, which matches with the photos in the files at the FBI center. MCGEE: Uh-huh. ABBY: Which would make you think that we'd be left with five Jane Does, but you'd be wrong. Because I know who the first victim was. You're not listening to a word I'm saying. I'm pregnant, McGee. Twins. Haven't told the father yet. It's Gibbs. I know it's wrong, but something about his silver hair just gets me all tingly inside. TONY: Excuse me for a second. I think I'm going to vomit. ABBY: I'm joking, Tony. Except for the part about Gibbs' hair. That is really hot. McGee is ignoring me again. TONY: Easily fixable. (TONY HITS MCGEE) MCGEE: What?! What'd I do? TONY: Stop ignoring Abby. She's sensitive. MCGEE: I'm sorry. I was concentrating. I think that I know how we can find Boone's victims without Gibbs having to talk to him. There are distinctive geographical and man-made features in several of these pictures. There's a stream... and what may be a bridge. Up here... appears to be a power line. TONY: Or some dirt on the picture. MCGEE: If I can make a land plot, create scale by computing the distances between these points, then we can-- TONY: Okay, streams and power lines? It would take years searching just one county, McGee. Never mind a state. MCGEE: Yeah, for us, Tony. But not for a computer. ABBY: Satellite imagery? MCGEE: Exactly. ABBY: I should have thought of that. MCGEE: I just need to figure out a way to calculate an accurate scale. ABBY: Polaroid cameras have a fixed focal length. MCGEE: That's a good start. Uh... I'm going to need one known measurement. ABBY: Pick one body and I'll pull her stats. MCGEE: Three known vectors should do it. ABBY: Or... TONY: Okay. Okay. Enough with the geek-speak. Gibbs wants to know how many victims we've ID'd. ABBY: All except for the last four of his scrapbook. We're running them against missing persons reports prior to Gibbs putting Boone behind bars. No matches yet. The one that stands out the most is the first victim. She disappeared in nineteen seventy four. TONY: Are you sure about that, Abs? Boone was just a kid back then. ABBY: I know, and it turns out his mother did not abandon him. She was his first kill. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) DUCKY: You don't have to do this again, you know.(DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: You're wrong, Duck. I do. DUCKY: He's never going to tell you where those poor girls are. GIBBS: I know that. DUCKY: Then why? GIBBS: Because ten years ago I couldn't break him. DUCKY: No, but you did what no one else could. You caught the son of a bitch. GIBBS: I should have killed him. DUCKY: And in two days that will be rectified. I'm telling you as a friend. It's time to let this one go. GIBBS: Not yet, Ducky. DUCKY: You already lost one relationship as a result of this case. She was a wonderful girl. And you neglected-- GIBBS: (LOUDLY) She left me, Duck! I didn't leave her! DUCKY: No! You made it impossible for her to stay! (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY CASSIDY: (INTO PHONE) Okay, send him up. Make sure he's escorted. I'll let Gibbs know. TONY: Comfortable? CASSIDY: Yeah, as a matter of fact. TONY: It was a rhetorical question, lady. CASSIDY: Wow. I never realized how sensitive you were about your desk. TONY: Ah, there's a lot about me you don't realize, Cassidy. CASSIDY: Where's Gibbs? TONY: Interrogation. CASSIDY: Well Boone's lawyer is here. He claims he wasn't notified about his client being moved and he wants to talk to him. TONY: Oh, Gibbs doesn't like to be.... kept waiting. You'd better go... right in there and tell him yourself. I'll get the suit. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY KYLE: Finally. So where should we start this time, Jethro? My childhood? GIBBS: I didn't bring you in here to talk, Boone. KYLE: So you decided to let me see my photographs again? GIBBS: I told you that's not going to happen. KYLE: Interesting. May I ask why I'm here then? GIBBS: The State is hoping that I'll get the location of your victims. KYLE: I believe that requires some form of communication. GIBBS: I said the State. Me? I'm not even going to try. KYLE: But you always try, Jethro. That's why I like you. GIBBS: I've taken you out of the system, Boone. You're going to sit here, alone, without any human contact until you fry. The game ends now. KYLE: This room brings back so many memories, doesn't it? CASSIDY: (V.O./FILTERED) Special Agent Gibbs, a word please? KYLE: Sounds like you replaced your dead female. Any chance I can meet this one? Hmm? Well, I'll be here if you need me. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: What?! CASSIDY: Boone's attorney is here. The DA's afraid if we deny him access to his client, he'll find a sympathetic judge and have cause to have the execution delayed. O' NEILL: (INTO PHONE) I got it. (TO GIBBS) Look, I need a privileged conversation with my client. Meaning, Agent Gibbs, I want your observation room cleared and all microphones turned off. GIBBS: That's it, Counselor? O' NEILL: For now, Agent. GIBBS: Tony? TONY: Yeah, hold on a second. (TO GUARD) Search him first...thoroughly. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) ABBY: Hmm... I'm impressed. It's actually working. MCGEE: Thank you. Now all we have to do is scan through eight hundred thousand miles of satellite imagery, and pray we get lucky. ABBY: I am a scientist, McGee. Luck has nothing to do with it and or us. MCGEE: Okay, then how do you explain something like Gibbs' gut? ABBY: Well that's easy. Gibbs is lucky. MCGEE: But you just said that... ABBY: He's not a scientist. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY O' NEILL: Agent Gibbs, if anything happens to my client while he's here, I want you to know I am going to hold you personally responsible-- GIBBS: You have my word he will be in perfect health for his execution. (TO TONY) Escort Mister O'Neill out of my building, Special Agent Cassidy. O' NEILL: You'll be hearing from me. CASSIDY: Let's go. TONY: You going back in there, Boss? (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: Yeah, maybe. (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. (TO TONY) They think they may have found his dumping ground.(SFX: ABBY'S VOICE FILTERED B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY GIBBS: What am I looking at? ABBY: Take it away, Mick-Gee! (BEAT) I mean, very Special Agent McGee. MCGEE: Probable site where the victims were tortured, killed, perhaps buried. ABBY: You want to know how we did it? GIBBS: Not really. ABBY: Good, because it was mostly luck. GIBBS: Where? MCGEE: Wilderness area of Great Falls National Park. GIBBS: Tony, you lead the team. TONY: All right. Where are you going, Boss? GIBBS: After ten years I've finally got something on Boone he doesn't already know about. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY KYLE: My lawyer was very upset. He wanted to move me back to prison. But don't worry. I told him I like it here. GIBBS: Don't get too comfortable. You're going back today. KYLE: Really? What's changed? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KYLE: You found something, didn't you? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLEARING - DAY MCGEE: The site where the photos were taken is two hundred and sixty five feet on a track of three hundred ten degrees. We need to get through here. TONY: Okay. Remember what I told you about the poison ivy, all right? (WHISPERS) Don't tell Cassidy. CASSIDY: What? TONY: Nothing. Follow me. (SFX: TONY STUMBLES /SLIDES DOWN THE HILLSIDE) TONY: I'm okay! I'm okay! This is steep. Watch yourselves. Well, if this is the place I can see why Boone picked it. Off the beaten path, no hard surfaces to reflect sound. Those girls could scream their heads off and no one would hear. Yeah, this is the perfect spot. (SFX: INTERCUT FLASHBACK TORTURE SCENES OF THE VICTIMS) MCGEE: Guys, we're in the right place. TONY: No reception. Spread out, tape it off. We'll hike back and call Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KYLE: Come on, Jethro! We both know you're in there. (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Hey. ABBY: Hey.(DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: What are you doing here? ABBY: I wanted to see what the monster looks like. He doesn't look that scary. GIBBS: You saw the photographs? ABBY: Yeah.(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLEARING - DAY TONY: You did good, McGee. I'm proud of you. MCGEE: And? TONY: And what? MCGEE: Well usually you add some kind of insult at the end. TONY: No, I don't! Well, okay, maybe sometimes. But the point is, we're a team... CASSIDY: (V.O.) Oh, Tony! (TONY AND MCGEE WALK TO CASSIDY IN THE CLEARING) TONY: Are you all right? CASSIDY: I was... a little startled. TONY: By what? CASSIDY: Her. MCGEE: She couldn't have been dead more than a few days. CASSIDY: Tony, you're not going to believe this. TONY: Boone's mark. (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. CLEARING - DAY CASSIDY: I - I can't get any reception out here. TONY: That's not surprising. Butt-nowhere isn't part of our coverage plan. CASSIDY: I'm going to head back to the truck and try and get the call through. TONY: Okay, tell Gibbs we're going to need everything we have and everyone on this one. CASSIDY: I'll be back in twenty minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY (SFX: BOONE HUMS B.G.) (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) CASSIDY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs! We found Boone's dumping ground. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Good work. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Tell Tony he needs to call... CASSIDY: (V.O./FILTERED) We also found a fresh body. (SCENE CUT) CASSIDY: (INTO PHONE) Female. Dead less than a week. She has Boone's mark on her back. I think we're definitely dealing with a copycat killer. (SFX: STATIC B.G.) CASSIDY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs? (SCENE CUT) CASSIDY: (V.O./FILTERED) Gibbs - Gibbs, can you hear me? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I heard you. I want the area sealed off. I'm on my way. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLEARING - DAY MCGEE: Tony, something's not right. TONY: No, nothing has been since Boone showed up at NCIS. MCGEE: No. No, I know this girl. TONY: You know her?! How? MCGEE: You knew her too. She was the last entry in Boone's scrapbook. One of the Jane Does. TONY: He's been on death row for ten years, McGee. She's been here less than a week. That's not possible. (BEAT) It can't be! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) KYLE: You look a little peaked, Jethro. Is something wrong? Maybe I can help. A new development, perhaps? GIBBS: I've got to hand it to you, Boone. I did my best, but you got me to play your game. Congratulations. KYLE: You found the bodies. Good. Not what you were expecting, was it? You see, there's someone else out there, now. A new threat. And I'm the only one who can help you find him. You'll have to request a stay of my execution. GIBBS: I'm gonna have to pass on that. No matter how this plays out, you're going to sit in that chair Saturday. KYLE: You can't have changed this much. You have a sworn duty. GIBBS: Maybe ten years ago. Now... hell, I can wait until Sunday to start an investigation. KYLE: You're bluffing. GIBBS: You're dead in thirty six hours.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) KYLE: Yeah, well I'll be here when you change your mind! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLEARING - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MAN KNOCKS CASSIDY IN THE HEAD WITH THE SHOVEL) (CASSIDY FALLS TO THE GROUND) (PASSAGE OF TIME) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CASSIDY LIES IN THE CAR TRUNK) (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: Cassidy! Cassidy! Great! She's lost! Why didn't you give her your GPS thingy, Probie? MCGEE: She's not lost. TONY: What's going on? MCGEE: She's been kidnapped. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: McGee, where is my list of every visitor and phone call Boone's had since being in prison? MCGEE: I'm working it, Boss. GIBBS: Tony? Tony! Back up teams in place? TONY: Yeah. I never should have let her take off like that alone, Boss. ABBY: The Polaroid of Cassidy is clean. There's no prints, no DNA. I'm sorry, Gibbs. I screwed this whole thing up. TONY: You screwed it up? ABBY: We should have known there was more than one killer. I only ran the Jane Does up until the time Boone was captured. All four have gone missing the last three years. GIBBS: Concentrate on Boone's contacts over the past three years. MCGEE: Yeah. ABBY: We can't lose another agent. I can't take this. MCGEE: Okay, our best bet is a guy named John Frederick Briggs. In the last three years he's logged two hundred and twenty nine phone calls and visited Boone ninety six times. GIBBS: He's writing Boone's biography. TONY: He's living it. MCGEE: He's off to a good start. Dishonorable Discharge from the Army in ninety one. Arrested for Domestic Disturbance in two thousand for beating his girlfriend. GIBBS: Find him! MCGEE: Home address and cell phone number. TONY: Find out if his cell has a GPS locator so... MCGEE: I checked the carrier. It does and it can be remotely activated by the company if it's reported stolen. GIBBS AND TONY: (IN UNISON) Good job, McGee! GIBBS: Let's roll! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CAR - MOVING (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND GIBBS FOLLOWING CAR) (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay, Brigg's cell provider is....(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ... relaying us his location. He's in movement. ABBY: (INTO PHONE) He's headed out of D.C. on the One Ninety One. (INTERCUT CAR CHASE SCENES) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) He's getting off the One Ninety at Oakley. If you get off at MacArthur... (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ... You might make it before him. (INTERCUT CHASE SCENES) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) How far ahead is he? MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Less than a mile.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING TONY: That's got to be him. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) GIBBS: Keep your hands on the wheel! Keep them up! BRIGGS: Okay, what the hell is going on here?! . GIBBS: Where is she, Briggs? BRIGGS: Okay. Okay, I have every right to be here! I heard from a guard you found the bodies. I want to see them. GIBBS: Shut up. (SFX: TRUNK OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAR - DAY O' NEILL: Hello. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BARN - DAY (O'NEILL DRAGS CASSIDY ACROSS THE FLOOR) CASSIDY: What did you do to me? O' NEILL: I hit you in the head with a shovel, my dear. CASSIDY: Did you kill that woman we found? O' NEILL: I did. CASSIDY: How many more are there, O'Neill? O' NEILL: Let's see, there is uh...there's one, there's two, three, four. You will make five. CASSIDY: How did Boone turn his lawyer into his replacement? O' NEILL: You really think I'm Boone's lawyer by coincidence? (SHOUTS) Come on! See, I... I sought Boone out. CASSIDY: Why? O' NEILL: So I could learn from him. Learn from the best. And you... you're my graduation present. (SFX: O' NEILL STRIKES CASSIDY) O' NEILL: You know, you can scream if you want to. It's allowed. Oh! Kyle says he wants Agent Gibbs to remember him for a long, long time after he's gone. So you and me... we're going to take this nice and slow. (F/X: O' NEILL HITS CASSIDY) O' NEILL: Oh... oh... a fighter, huh? I haven't had one of those before. CASSIDY: Try that thing again with that knife-- ! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY GIBBS: You wanted to see your scrap book? Where is my agent? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KYLE: Stop it. Stop it! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY KYLE: Look, you don't know what... you don't know what you're doing. Jethro! Don't! I don't know where she is. How can I? Gibbs, please. Just let me see them one last time. Please! (CRYING) I'm begging you! GIBBS: Where... is she? KYLE: (LAUGHING) We all know you can't destroy evidence. Pathetic, Jethro. Did you really think that I need that to see them? When they're all up here, anytime I want? Your agent is going to suffer. The obscenities unleashed on her, legendary. And you know why? Because you're the one that stopped me. This is all your fault! (F/X: GIBBS THROWS KYLE UP AGAINST THE WALL) KYLE: He's cutting her tongue out of her mouth right now. And you know the best part? After I'm gone, the bodies are just going to continue to pile up. I beat you! (SFX: GUN CLICKS) KYLE: You're supposed to shoot me, you idiot! GIBBS: That the big plan you spent ten years working on? Get me to murder you and ruin my own life? Wow. KYLE: He's carving your name in her back right now. GIBBS: Game's over. (V.O.) Back to death row!(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) KYLE: Gibbs! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY KYLE: The Governor call yet? Because they're not going to kill me now. I'm the only one who can identify the killer. Do you think she screamed when he cut out her tongue, Jethro? GIBBS: I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself? CASSIDY: I'm afraid your lawyer is going to miss your execution tomorrow. TONY: He's kind of dead. GIBBS: Enjoy hell. KYLE: (SCREAMS) No! No! No! (FADE OUT) (ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)
Plan: A: Death row prisoner Kyle Boone; Q: Who is a serial killer whom Gibbs arrested ten years ago? A: Death Row; Q: Where is Kyle Boone? A: a few days time; Q: How long until Kyle Boone is executed? A: several young women; Q: Who did Kyle Boone kill? A: a mark; Q: What did Kyle Boone carve on the backs of his victims? A: their tongues; Q: What did Kyle Boone take from his victims? A: SECNAV; Q: Who ordered Gibbs to meet with Kyle Boone? A: the place; Q: What do Abby and McGee find where the victims were murdered? A: the team; Q: Who is forced into a desperate race against time to prevent Agent Cassidy from becoming victim number five of the copycat killer? A: Agent Cassidy; Q: Who is kidnapped by Kyle Boone's copycat killer? A: Boone's scrapbook; Q: Where are the latest four victims of Kyle Boone kept? A: his work; Q: What has Kyle Boone's accomplice been carrying on? A: the investigation; Q: What turns serious when Agent Cassidy goes missing? Summary: Death row prisoner Kyle Boone is a serial killer whom Gibbs arrested ten years ago. Having been placed on Death Row and due to be executed in a few days time for killing several young women, carving a mark on their backs and taking their tongues as his trophies, he insists that he will disclose the location of the missing bodies of his murder victims to Gibbs alone, forcing the reluctant team leader to meet with him due to SECNAV personally ordering him to do so. When Abby and McGee locate the place where the victims had been murdered, the team, assisted by Agent Cassidy, finds that the latest four victims in Boone's scrapbook had been killed in the last three years, meaning Boone has an accomplice who has been carrying on his work. But the investigation turns serious when Agent Cassidy goes missing, having been kidnapped, the team is forced into a desperate race against time to prevent her from becoming victim number five of the copycat killer.
Lucifer, Amenadiel and Charlotte are at the Penthouse. Amenadiel: Azrael's blade. You're sure? Charlotte: I am. So if we could just get your brother to stop drinking and show us where he hid it... Lucifer: I just wanted you to tell him what you told me, before I make a mess. Charlotte: What mess are you going to... Lucifer hits a wall. Amenadiel: That's where it's been this whole time? Lucifer: Put it somewhere I could keep an eye on it. Wouldn't want someone to incite another stabbing rampage, now, would we? Charlotte: Well, it's not my fault humans can't handle the divine. Besides, if I hadn't done that, we wouldn't have found out what that blade actually is. Lucifer: And you really think that this is the Flaming Sword? I thought Father destroyed it during my rebellion so I wouldn't use it against Him. Amenadiel: Father said He destroyed it. Charlotte: Apparently, He just hid it in plain sight. Lucifer: But it's so small and so... Not flaming. Charlotte: That's because only you, my Lightbringer, can ignite it. Lucifer: Well, what am I supposed to do, dip it in some whiskey and light a match? Charlotte: Last time it caught flame, you were angry, so think about your Father, that should do it. Lucifer: All right. Nothing happens. Lucifer: No! Right, back to my whiskey plan. Charlotte: No, you're much too calm. When it flamed before, you were furious. Lucifer: So you're saying the blade can sense my emotional state? It's the most powerful weapon in the universe, Mum... The sword that guarded Eden, not a groovy mood ring. Amenadiel: Maybe I should try it. Charlotte: Your brother is the Lightbringer, Amenadiel. He just needs to apply himself and get angry! Lucifer: Well, I can't just get ang... Amenadiel hits Lucifer. Lucifer: Aah! Bloody hell! Amenadiel: Well, it was worth a shot. Lucifer: Right. Maybe Amenadiel should try it. Here, why don't you hold it, and I'll kick you in the... Charlotte: Boys! We need to work together on this. We're so close now. Amenadiel: Are we, Mom? Because our return home hinges on Lucifer being able to control his emotions. Lucifer: Oh, you've no faith in me, brother? Good. Means I get to prove you wrong. Lucifer has a session with Linda. Linda: So the three of you plan to use this... Flaming Sword to cut through the Gates of Heaven and go home? Lucifer: That's the plan, yes. Linda: Do you mean actual gates? Like big and pearly? Are we talking clouds? Harps? Old dudes in white robes? Lucifer: And my dad is Morgan Freeman? Focus, Doctor. Now, come on. I need you to help me control my emotions. Linda: Well, emotions can't be controlled, Lucifer. Lucifer: What? Isn't that your entire job? Linda: My job is to help you understand your emotions. I can help you become aware of what it is you're feeling, or trying to avoid feeling. Lucifer: Right, you've got that look on your face when you're saying something insightful and waiting for me to figure it out. Linda: I think you married her to hide something... Or from something. Lucifer: Right, look, what I may or may not be hiding is beside the point, Doctor. Either way, I need the sword lit. So, come on. Emotions. Chop, chop. Linda: You clearly have a lot of walls up, Lucifer. Between yourself and your emotions, and now between yourself and me. If you're unwilling to bring those walls down, I can't help you. Maze joins Chloe in their kitchen. Maze: What the hell, Decker? No breakfast? Chloe: Oh, I forgot. Sorry. Maze: You forgot? Chloe Decker forgot? Are you okay? Chloe: What did you do with my roommate? She would never ask about my feelings. Maze: Oh, feelings? No, I was thinking brain tumour, early-onset dementia, chlamydia. Chloe: Uh, well, yeah... I guess I'm still a little upset that Lucifer just disappeared on me and got married just when we were... You know, I don't know what we were. Maze pushes the sound of her music louder. Chloe: And sure, he got it annulled right away, but, you know, that almost makes it worse... Focus on Trixie. And I'm-I'm worried about her... Have you noticed anything? You have? Chloe figures out that Maze can't hear her. Chloe: Okay, I'm gonna adopt a dozen puppies, and I'm gonna let them sleep in your bedroom... Nice, Maze. Nice. Maze: Come on. I'm sorry. Okay, I can't deal with human emotions on an empty stomach. Makes me... Nauseous. Chloe: Of course. What did I expect? Maze: Oh, come on. Chloe joins Lucifer in the street. Lucifer: Tall, non-fat almond milk latte with sugar-free caramel drizzle and no vodka this time. Chloe: What's the occasion? Lucifer: Well, I thought we should celebrate our first day together as crime-solving divorcees. Ah, making a joke you don't like. Check. See? We'll be back to normal in no time. Chloe: Uh, not until you start whining about how boring the case is. Lucifer: Well, touché, Detective. They enter in the crime scene. Daniel: Our victim's name is Debbie Lang. She worked as the head of administrations of a very prestigious elementary school on the Westside called... Called Starford. Lucifer: How could a career in education pay for all this? Chloe: L.A. private schools are insane. You know, money gets thrown around. What do we have? Ella: Well, poor Debbie was stabbed in the back, literally. Daniel: Maybe figuratively, too. There was no signs of B&E, which suggests she knew who her killer was. Chloe: Anyone recover the murder weapon? Daniel: No, not yet. Ella: You'd think knife, but the circumference of the wound is unusually wide, like it was a... Fat knife. Lucifer: PhD in psychology, certificate for behavioural therapy. I should have thought this woman had figured out human interaction, yet she provoked someone into killing her? Therapists don't really know anything, do they? Chloe: Ooh, Lucifer's projecting his personal issues on the case. Guess we're back to normal. Ella: Ah, man. I got into it with my shrink a couple of weeks ago. Lucifer: What? You see a psychologist? Ella: I know. You wouldn't think so, right? 'Cause I'm so upbeat all the time. But up here... Lot of darkness. Lucifer: Really? Chloe: Hey, guys? What's this? Lucifer: Well, where do I start? Ella: Missing commemorative scissors. Looks like we found our fat knife. Or didn't find it, but, you know. Chloe: So, weapon of convenience. Could have been a crime of passion. Vic knew the killer, so we should go to the school where she worked. Chloe and Lucifer are interviewing the Headmaster at Starford. Headmaster: I, uh... I just can't believe it. You know, Debbie was the best head of admissions we've ever had, the heart and soul of the Starford community. We're all devastated. Chloe: Is there any way we could see her office or the last few things she was working on? Headmaster: Sure. No phones on campus, please. Sends a message that our arms aren't actually available to our children. Lucifer: Right. Detective, this school is weird, and, yes, this case is boring. Headmaster: Not weird. Unique. Our groundbreaking pedagogical approach focuses on emotional self-control. Lucifer: Emotional self-control? How'd you go about that, then? Chloe: Lucifer, can you go back to being bored, and not derail the conversation? Lucifer: No, no, but this is fascinating, Detective. The so-called expert I just consulted insisted emotions can't be controlled. Headmaster: Well, we respectfully disagree. Um, our children learn to manage their emotions in no time. Lucifer: Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Let the schooling begin! Headmaster: You see, we make our students' emotional needs the priority. Whence our motto. Lucifer: "Sentio ergo sum." "I feel, therefore I am." Hmm. Chloe: Fascinating. Let's just stick to the case. Lucifer: Hold on, Detective. Debbie isn't going to un-die, is she? Whereas I require immediate assistance. Look, yes, how long does it take for rug rats to gain emotional self-control? Headmaster: Oh, our methods work very quickly. The parents see it for themselves after sitting in on just one class. Notice all the, um, testimonials. Lucifer: Yes. Chloe: So, Debbie. Did she have any enemies here at work that you know of? Headmaster: You see, our faculty practices the same conflict-resolution method as our children. People in a conflict actually present handmade gifts to one another. This was Debbie's desk, and, as you can see, not a single macramé. Chloe: What about outside the faculty? Any recent incidents with parents maybe? Headmaster: Nothing like that would ever happen Starford. Chloe: Oh, weird, 'cause heads of admissions at other prestigious private schools are practically stalked by eager parents, so, maybe the spots here at Starford just aren't as coveted. Headmaster: Not so. No, parents go above and beyond to get their children here at Starford. And they go absolutely crazy when they fail to land a spot. Just the other day... Well, perhaps there was one incident. Debbie did get into a rather ugly fight with the parents of a child who'd been denied admission. It got vicious. Lucifer: Ooh. Fisticuffs? Beat-down at the bike sheds after the final bell? Headmaster: No, verbally vicious. Lucifer: Ah, terrible grammar. Chloe: Mmhmm. Lucifer: Got you. Chloe: Did you see the fight? Headmaster: Everyone saw it. It happened right in front of the school, violating what we like to think of as our safe space here at Starford. Chloe: What was said? Chloe asks question to 2 fathers in the interview room. Jon: I will kill you. That is what I said, yes. But you have to understand. I was furious that she'd rejected our son, Wolfe. Craig: If you have children, I'm sure you can relate. A Starford education feeds almost directly to the Ivy League. Debbie took our money and crushed our son's future. Chloe: What do you mean? What money? Craig: Well, she implied that a hefty contribution to the school would grease the wheels on Wolfe's admission. Chloe: So you made the contribution and Wolfe was still rejected? Craig: Yes. We felt we'd been... Misled. Jon: More like robbed. And then, when we tried to bring it up to Debbie, she had the gall to suggest that the school hadn't received the donation. But the check cleared! Lying... Daniel enters in the room with new clue. Craig: I know my husband's temper suggests otherwise, but we're dealing with this the civilized way... Through our lawyer. We could never kill anyone. Chloe: Then can you explain why the murder weapon was found in your pool house? Lucifer is reading at Lux. Girl 1: Are you Lucifer Morningstar? Lucifer: I am, yes. But sadly, I don't have the time to give you the most amazing night of your life. I'm busy dealing with this impenetrable book. Girl 1: Mr. Morningstar, you're under arrest. Lucifer: I am now, am I? On what charge? Girl 1: Ladies, he's resisting arrest. Girl 2: Cuff him. Girl 3: My pleasure. Lucifer: Right, why do you sexy detectives look so disturbingly familiar? Mum! Mum, come on. Come on out from wherever you're snooping. Charlotte: What? Lucifer: Ah. Charlotte: I tried to find ones that resemble your detective. Then again, all humans look alike to me. Lucifer: No, you did, um, well, remarkably well. But what on Earth for? Charlotte: Since anger didn't work, I wanted to incite a different emotion. See if that would get the sword fired up. Lucifer: A foursome isn't an emotion, Mum. Ladies, I'm sorry, but, uh, it's hard for me to enjoy a triple-decker with my mum's hands all over it, so... Another time, maybe. Shame. The girls leave. Lucifer: Don't look so glum. It's just a matter of time before I get a handle on my emotions. Charlotte: I know it's a matter of time. That's the problem. Lucifer: What's the rush? Not like eternity's got a "best before" date. Charlotte: You'd understand if you had children. Many of which you haven't seen in a millennia. Lucifer: Yes. That's it, Mum. You're right. I need to have a child. Right, have a gander at that. See if you can learn a few things. Chloe is on the phone with Ella in her kitchen. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Right, well, it seemed like something wasn't adding up. Yeah, okay. Thanks, Ella. Lucifer scares Chloe. Chloe: Okay. I am gonna tie a bell around your neck at some point. Lucifer: Oh, sounds like a fun bit of foreplay, but I've more important things to attend to first. Chloe: Yeah, I'm sure you do, but hold on. Something's bothering me. The killer wiped the fingerprints off the handle, but not Debbie's blood from the blade. Lucifer: But the scissors were found at their home, correct? Chloe: In the unlocked pool house, so anyone could have gained access to it. Lucifer: So you think the killer planted the murder weapon on the couple last seen fighting with the victim. That's admirably devious. Chloe: Jon and Craig said that their check cleared. But Debbie told them the school never received their money. Lucifer: So she's lying. Chloe: But what if she wasn't lying? What if somebody embezzled the money at the school? Debbie could have found out, she could have confronted them. They could be the killer. So, you know, what we got to do... Check the books, see if there's a record of a donation. Lucifer: Right. Chloe: Baby, why are you still in your PJs? You're gonna miss the bus. I don't have time to drive you to school today. Lucifer: Hold on. Why don't you go and deal with the donation thingy, and I can, uh, take the little sh... Ugar plum fairy to school. Chloe: Are you sure? Lucifer: For my partner? Yes, I can sacrifice. Chloe: You okay with that? Lucifer: Brilliant. Lucifer parks his car on Starford Academy's parking. Trixie: You're gonna be in trouble if my mom finds out. Lucifer: What? I said I'd drive you to school. I never specified which one. So, play along, and I'll deliver my end of the bargain. Mr. Taylor: Mr. Morningstar? Lucifer: Yes. Mr. Taylor: Hey. Mr. Taylor. Lucifer: Ah. Mr. Taylor: You're here for the Starford tour? Lucifer: I am indeed. I am indeed. And this little creature, who gets whatever she wants... Trixie: Trixie Morningstar. Nice to meet you, sir. Mr. Taylor: Hi. Lucifer: Ah, lovely. Mr. Taylor leads Lucifer and Trixie in the school. Mr. Taylor: So, right upstairs there is our plant-based kitchen. Uh, it's where the students make their own lunch. You know, instead of packaged, preprocessed foods, we, uh, we like them to bring in, uh... Trixie holds Lucifer's hand. Lucifer: Sorry, do we have to touch? Don't you have a leash or something for when we go out? Trixie: Do you want to sell this or not? Mr. Taylor: It's a lot of fun... Lucifer: Yes, that's all quite riveting. Um, where is it where children learn to, you know, harness their emotions? Mr. Taylor: Uh... Uh... Hold on. Uh, sorry, this isn't my normal job. I'm just filling in till we find a replacement for poor Debbie. Lucifer: Oh, well, what is it you normally do? Mr. Taylor: Uh, I'm the movement and wellness mentor. Lucifer: So you're the P.E. teacher. Lovely. Mr. Taylor: Okay, well, right here, this is the, uh, meditation room. Um, and then, right next door is, uh, it's where the kids do their justice circles. Lucifer: I need you to show me where they teach lessons on controlling your emotions. Mr. Taylor: Oh. She's having emotional problems? Lucifer: Who? Oh, the child. Sure. Probably. Listen, what would be really helpful is turning feelings into something, like a weapon. Mr. Taylor: Well, I think I know just the class. Lucifer: You do? Wonderful. Great. Come on, child. Chloe and Daniel are asking questions to the Headmaster. Headmaster: And you want to look through our ledgers... Why? Chloe: Because we want to know if Debbie was telling the truth about the missing donation, and it could tie into the motive for the murder. The Headmaster starts to cry. Headmaster: I knew it. You got me. No need to look at the books. I did it. The donation never made it into the school account. I cashed the check. Daniel: You stole the money? Why? Headmaster: I guess I was tired of feeling like I didn't belong. Starford seemed so nonjudgmental and inclusive. But I'm-I'm under a lot of pressure to look a certain way, drive a certain car. And my salary barely covers my rent. Chloe: Okay, so Debbie found out that you took Jon and Craig's donation money and... Did you kill her? Headmaster: What? No, no. Debbie assumed the parents never extended the check. They called her a liar, got so upset, and they killed her. But I'm to blame. I'm sorry. Daniel: Look, we're not real sure if Jon and Craig killed Debbie. Headmaster: Really? Oh. If it's not related to the murders, after all, um, perhaps we could disregard... That last exchange. Mr. Taylor opens the door. Mr. Taylor: Uh, is everything okay in here? Sounded like a child was crying. Chloe: We're just asking the assistant dean some questions. Uh, I am Detective Decker. This is Detective... Mr. Taylor: Oh, you're Trixie's cop-mom, aren't you? That's a great kid you've got. Chloe: Thank you. H-How do you know... How do you know my daughter? Mr. Taylor: She's in Madison's class right now. Yeah, her father brought her in. Daniel: Um... I'm pretty sure he didn't. Chloe: Uh, can you finish getting the statement, please, and I'll see whatever the hell Lucifer is doing. Trixie and Lucifer are sitting in Madison's class. Madison: But the good news is bad feelings can be harnessed into good actions. My son Ranger knows this. Right, Ranger? Would anyone else like to try? Lucifer: Yeah. Madison: Would any of the children like to volunteer? Lucifer: For a progressive school, it's rather ageist. Madison: Trixie. Do you have feelings you want to use? I know it's only your first time, but... Chloe enters. Trixie: I feel sad. Madison: Okay, why? Trixie: Because... My mommy almost died. Her job is scary. But she has helped so many other people with their problems, I don't want her to worry about mine... So I pretend I'm okay. Lucifer: Well... Welcome to the club of parental deceit, child. It's a lonely place, but, uh, that's the price of being clever... Okay, now what? How does one control that juvenile angst usefully? Madison: Trixie can channel her strong feelings into something productive. Lucifer: Okay, go on. Madison: For example, she could... Write a poem. Lucifer: A poem? I came here to learn how to turn emotions into energy, not to become Dr. Seuss. Madison: Well, creative energy is energy. Lucifer: Oh, come on. If I wanted to attend an art class, I would have at least had the sense to take one with a nude model. I suppose you're channelling emotional despair over not getting dessert before your veggies, are you? Child: No. This is a picture of my mommy stabbing Debbie. Chloe: Lucifer. Lucifer: Detective. Right, before you chastise me for kidnapping your offspring, I've solved the case. Chloe and Daniel are outside the school. Chloe: Okay, the boy's mother is Joy Sherman. This is her contact info. Daniel: Okay, I'll look into it. Is Trixie okay? Chloe: I'll talk to her. I'll see you at the station, okay? Daniel: Yeah. Daniel leaves. Lucifer and Trixie get out of the school. Lucifer: Ah, Detective. You need to understand, I'm dealing with a most challenging issue... Chloe: Yeah, I want to talk to my daughter for a second. Trixie: Please don't be mad at him. I should be the one in trouble. Chloe: Oh... I'm not mad at you. You're not in trouble, Monkey. I do want you to know you can talk to me if something's going on. Trixie: I know. Chloe: You know that? You want to talk about something now? Trixie: I could tell you anything? Chloe: Yes. Trixie: I'd like to ride with Lucifer. I promise I'll make him take me to my actual school this time. Chloe: Huh. Um, yeah, okay. Trixie gets in the car. Chloe: You are lucky my daughter likes you so much. Lucifer: Yes, I'm starting to respect the deceptive little parasite. Chloe: Oh, well, that's nice. Lucifer: Speaking of, a deal's a deal. Chloe: What? Lucifer casts his keys to Trixie. Chloe: Oh, no. Lucifer: I... Driving lessons will have to wait until your mum's not looking. Chloe: Bye, babe. Lucifer is in his parking. Lucifer: Oh, kids... Ah. Wonderful, a mugger. Come on, then. I fancy a bit of exercise after a frustrating day. The hoody attacks Lucifer. Lucifer: Mum? Charlotte: Let me see the blade. Anything? Lucifer: Since when can you hit so hard? Charlotte: My strength has been growing steadily. Lucifer: As is your recklessness, it seems. I mean, what did you expect me to do? Stab you with the blade and have it be ignited by my joy? Charlotte: I was trying to get you worked up. Anger and awakening your sexual instincts didn't work. I thought maybe if you were afraid for your life... Lucifer: Well, if you really wanted to upset me, you should have just thrown me into the Corvette... Don't... Throw me into the Corvette. Just trust me, Mum. I'm dealing with this. Charlotte: Clearly, not fast enough. Lucifer: Why are you so angry? Charlotte: I'm not angry! Lucifer: Yes, you are. Charlotte: Just... Really need to get home, where we belong. Soon. Daniel joins Chloe at her desk. Daniel: Hey, Chlo, we got that kid's mom in inter... What's wrong? Chloe: Look at this e-mail. Daniel: Why are you being invited to a "grieving gathering" at Starford Academy? Chloe: 'Cause Trixie's being considered for admission. Apparently, she impressed some of the teachers there. Daniel: Or they were impressed with Lucifer's bank account. It's probably the only thing they care about at that pretentious place. Chloe: Well, I mean, it is non-traditional, that's for sure. Daniel: Wait, are you actually considering it? I mean, don't you think that with the divorce and the move and everything that Trixie's had enough big changes lately? Chloe: Exactly. Trixie's pretending that she's fine, Dan. One morning at Starford, and she's been opening up like I haven't been able to get her to do for months... You didn't see her. Daniel: Yeah, well, it kills me to think that she, uh, she's been keeping up an act just to protect us. When did our kid get so adult? Chloe: She does still hide chocolate cake under the bed, though. Daniel: Yeah, well, thank God for that. Okay, well, maybe we can consider sending our daughter to that school after we've solved the ongoing murder investigation there. Daniel and Chloe ask questions to Joy Sherman. Daniel: Can you explain to us why your son would draw this, Ms. Sherman? Joy Sherman: I'm not sure what it even is. Chloe: He says it's you killing Debbie. Joy Sherman: Oh, he was listening to me. He never listens to me. Chloe: So you said that you killed Debbie? Joy Sherman: No, I-I said I wanted to kill her. Every morning, while peeling the sticker off some root vegetable I got at the supermarket for a third of the price of the organic crap. Rubbing it in dirt works like a charm, by the way. Chloe: Hmm. Why would you say that to him? Joy Sherman: Because I'm single and I work full-time, and Debbie had a million little ways of making me feel like a bad mom because of it. Daniel: For working? Joy Sherman: Yeah. Daniel: Well, that sounds like a great environment. Joy Sherman: Apparently, I wasn't "involved enough." Like, I'm sorry that my bake sale cupcakes weren't gluten and dairy free, Debbie. Chloe: Joy, where were you two nights ago? Joy Sherman: Tuesday? Chloe: Mm-hmm. Joy Sherman: Um, I was, I was with Mr. Taylor. Chloe: Mr. Taylor? The wellness mentor? What were you doing? Joy Sherman: We weren't discussing the French New Wave. Daniel: So you're having an affair with the... With the P.E. teacher. Joy Sherman: Only on Tuesday nights. He had a busy schedule... Look, every mom at Starford knows that the movement and wellness program is one of the best benefits of the school. I mean, the man is as dumb as a box of hair, but he does know how to move. Chloe: While I check into your alibi, uh, can you tell us, are there any other people that you can think of that had a grudge against Debbie? Joy Sherman: Are you, are you kidding? Who didn't hate the Wicked Witch of the Westside? She held the keys to the most exclusive school in the city, and she never let anyone forget it. Chloe: We were told that she was very well loved. Joy Sherman: Well, the hairlines and the perky boobs aren't the only phony things at that school. You want to know who killed her? You should go to that grieving gathering they're throwing. All her frenemies will be there. Chloe is getting prepared for the grieving gathering. [SCENE_BREAK] Maze: Never seen you so worried about an outfit, Decker. Not picking up the first coat off the floor as usual? Chloe: Nope. No, I'm not. I am going to a grieving gathering at the school, and, well, you should see the other parents. They are very fancy. It's... You know what? Never mind. I don't want to make you sick with my feelings. Maze: No. Come on. I'm listening, I promise. No more earbuds. Chloe: Okay, Trixie might get into this private school, and it could be really, really good for her. But it's super exclusive, and I'm not sure that I want her in that kind of environment. Maze: That's what you're so worried about? Chloe: Mm-hmm. Maze: All right. A school like that is great for Trixie. Chloe: You think so? Maze: Yeah. Fancy-pants rich kids? They're like vipers, okay? Trixie will learn to slash them with her words. Then I will teach her the knives. Chloe: Oh, okay. I think... I know you're trying to help, but, uh, I don't think you can help me with... With this now. Chloe is at the grieving gathering. Chloe: Hi. Uh, Chloe Decker. Uh, Trixie's mom. Elizabeth Channing: Just you? Alone? Chloe: Just me, alone. Yeah. Parents: Aw. Elizabeth Channing: That must be difficult. Maze: Actually, she's with me. Elizabeth Channing: Oh. Two mommies? Maze: Oh, hell yeah. Um... Trixie's a handful, definitely a two-woman job. Right, honey? Chloe: Mm-hmm. Maze: Yeah. Chloe and Maze are talking. Chloe: What are you doing here? Maze: Look, I'm not good at listening. Or talking about emotion stuff. But I do know you don't let your girl go into enemy territory alone. Chloe: Thank you. Oh, wow. I guess networking is the new grieving. Maze: Mm-hmm. Sonya William: You're Trixie's moms, right? Chloe: Mm. Sonya William: I'm the event coordinator here. I just wanted to tell you that we'd be so happy to have you as part of the family. Mid-afternoon yoga always needs more volunteers. Chloe: I would love to, but mid-afternoons, I'm at my job. Sonya William: Oh. Chloe: Yeah. Maze: She's a homicide detective. Sonya William: Oh. Maze: She has a gun and everything. A real pistol in the sack, too. Chloe: Oh! Jokester. Sonya William: I wish I had time for a job. But you know what they say: exceptional child, exhausted mom. Chloe: Mm-hmm. I've never heard anyone say that. Doesn't makes sense. Maze, look at everybody. Look at these parents. Who has a kid and is this put together? Maze: Use those detective skills, Decker. Get out of your own head. Look around. Chloe: All right. Maze: That entire table over there is just waiting for that couple to go nuclear. Oh, when that woman walked in, the entire room started commenting on her cheek-filler. Chloe: Hmm. Maze: They're miserable. And waiting to tear each other apart. Actually... Reminds me of home. Chloe: Hmm. You know what? You're right. They love gossip. And the juicier, the better... You know what? Let's give them something to talk about... Don't do that. Amenadiel tries to use the Flaming Sword. Lucifer enters in the penthouse. Lucifer: Careful, brother. Too much of that will make you go blind. Amenadiel: Mom was right. I can't make it work. Lucifer: Ah, I see. You're up here practicing a different kind of self-flagellation, are you? Hoping for a celestial spark? You don't even have your powers. Amenadiel: Yeah, thanks for that reminder, Luci. You know, I also don't seem to have much of Mom's attention anymore. Because, unlike you, I don't have some glorious destiny to wield the sword. Lucifer: And what's so great about Mum's attention? She nearly killed me in the car park earlier, trying to help me achieve that destiny. Oh, good job warning me she's strong enough to lift a house, by the way. Amenadiel: Same old Luci, always the victim. Can't you just be grateful for once? You're the Lightbringer! Lucifer: Am I? Am I, indeed? 'Cause so far, it's just Mum's word against, well, reality... What if she's wrong, brother? She's been acting very odd recently. On edge. This obsession with getting home, it's a bit much, don't you think? Amenadiel: You see, I thought we all wanted to go back. Lucifer: You know I don't lie, brother. So trust me when I say nothing would make me happier than Mum getting her wish. Amenadiel: Then you need to stop fighting this, Luci, and find a way to get the sword to work. Because whether we like it or not, it is all on you... Lightbringer. Maze is talking with a father at the grieving gathering. Maze: You, uh, call this pâté, huh? Jordan Shiloh: I know, right? You know, say what you will about Debbie, but that woman knew how to cater a party... You're married to that cop, right? Maze: Yeah...Actually, can you keep a secret? My wife is very close to making an arrest. We think the killer might actually be here... She found evidence just tonight. DNA. It's in the car right now... Somebody here is going to jail. Oh, but keep that on the DL, all right? Jordan Shiloh: Right. Maze: Knuckles. Jordan can't keep the secret. Maze: Five gossips down, a couple more to be safe. Chloe: No, look, this is plenty. Let's hope they take the bait... Okay, all I have to do now is stake out the car, if the killer is here, they'll go out there for the evidence. Madison is about to break in Chloe's car when Lucifer shows up. Lucifer: Ah. Just the person I'm looking for. Madison: Mr. Morningstar. Lucifer: Yes. Look, I'm willing to give your Kumbaya curriculum a second look. Perhaps if I'm more specific about what I want out of it: uh, less watercolours, more, sort of, heavenly flames? Are you following me? Sorry, do you need something out of the detective's car? Madison: Uh, uh, yeah, she-she asked me to grab something for her. Lucifer: Ah. Well, let's get that over with, so we can focus on what's important: me. Lucifer unlocks Chloe's car. Lucifer: Uh, don't tell her I, uh, got a copy made. She gets all fussy about things like illegal duplicates. So, uh, do you do private tutoring? 'Cause I'm free most of the time. Specifically now. Madison: Yeah. Chloe comes. Chloe: Lucifer, what are you doing? Lucifer: Uh, Madison said she needed something from your car. Chloe: What? She's the killer. Lucifer: That's quite a leap, Detective. Chloe: No, it isn't. Lucifer, please, she... Madison draws the gun. Chloe: My gun's in the car. Lucifer: Well, why didn't you tell me all this earlier? Chloe: Put your hands up. Madison: Stay back! Stay back! Chloe: Madison, put down the gun. Lucifer: Yes. Perhaps if you channel your feelings into something other than bullets, that might... Madison shoots. Madison: Okay. I said stay back! Chloe: Okay, got it. Madison: Oh, you! This is all your fault! With your stupid handsome face and your chiselled abs and your huge... Chloe: You slept with the P.E. teacher, too? Lucifer: Well, the movement and wellness mentor, Detective, but... Chloe: Madison, if I've learned anything here tonight, it's that everyone here has secrets. No one's perfect. Okay? Mr. Taylor: But we didn't have s*x... Well, I mean, okay, one time. But, come on, that was, like, years ago. Madison: One time was all it took. Chloe: This is about your son, isn't it? Lucifer: What? You mean the boy in the class with the special diet of boogers and paste? Chloe: Lucifer. Lucifer: I... Madison: God knows I love Ranger, but he's not very smart. My husband is, and that witch Debbie put two and two together. Chloe: And she told you that she was gonna expose Mr. Taylor as Ranger's real father. Madison: She hated how all the moms loved him. My husband would've left me. Chloe: Madison, I understand. You were just thinking of your son's future. I-I get it. I-I'm a mother, too. Um, maybe you remember Trixie, my daughter. Th-The little girl who was sad because her mom had such a scary job. That's me. She's my daughter... So, please, Madison, put down the gun. Madison: I'm so sorry. I-I got so angry, I couldn't control myself. Lucifer: What? Hold on. All this talk about controlling your emotions and harnessing them for creation was all just a sham? Madison: I tried so hard to make it real. We can't control our emotions. We just have to keep try... Maze attacks Madison. Maze: Listening to feelings, it's not my thing. Right, honey? Lucifer: You know, if I were you, I'd take my child out of this school. Terrible place. Mr. Taylor: Wait. I'm a father? That's awesome. Chloe talks to Trixie before bedtime. Chloe: Here you go... How cute this guy is. So... I went back to that school today. And I think they'd let you in if you wanted to go. So how do you feel about that? Well, can I tell you how it made me feel being there? Well, at first, it made me feel insecure and worried. I mean, the school is so fancy, and all the other mommies seemed so perfect... But guess what I found out. Trixie: What? Chloe: That the other mommies, they were just as worried as I was. And they were just pretending to be perfect. Trixie: Is it bad to pretend? Chloe: No, not always, Monkey. I mean, sometimes people feel like... Like they have to pretend that everything's okay. But... And this is the most important part... You and me, we never have to pretend with each other. Trixie: I really didn't like that school. Chloe: I didn't like it either. Trixie: Thanks for telling me, Monkey. Lucifer has a session with Linda. Lucifer: It turns out you were right, Doctor. It's impossible to control your feelings. And anyone who does risks turning into a murderous lunatic with a child of below-average intelligence, so... Linda: Yeah, well, I'm sure at least some of that, that's inaccurate. But I'm glad you've come around. Are you ready to be more forthcoming now? Lucifer: Yes, I suppose. If that's what it takes to get you to help me. So... Um... I wasn't lying before, obviously. I do intend to use the Flaming Sword to cut through the Gates of Heaven. Linda: But what you left out...? Lucifer: Is that once I do that, I plan on kicking Mum into Heaven and slamming the gates on her backside. Linda: But she'll be trapped there, on her own. Won't God destroy her? Lucifer: opefully, they tear each other apart. Then they'll both get what they deserve. Linda: What's that? Lucifer: Punishment. For manipulating me. I mean, Dad set a trap for me, but Mum was the one who made sure that I fell into it. She was the one that made sure that I felt... That I... That I felt things that I don't want to feel anymore. Linda: That, right there, that what you stopped yourself from feeling, that's exactly what you need to feel. Lucifer: What, the anger? Oh, I feel it. Linda: Not the anger... The pain. That's what you've been suppressing. All the pain and heartbreak that you have over what happened with your mother... And Chloe... I know it's difficult. But the only way to get over that pain... Is to go through it. Amenadiel, Lucifer and Chloe are at the penthouse. Amenadiel: So you think you've figured it out? Lucifer: Yes. Charlotte: And you're sure this time? Lucifer: Just... Let me do it, Mum, please. Lucifer lights the Flaming Sword. Charlotte: That's it?! You must not be feeling enough! Lucifer: Trust me. That's it. That's all I've got! Charlotte: You have to try harder. Lucifer: What? Charlotte: Try harder! Amenadiel: Mom! That's enough! Lucifer: I'm not broken. The sword must be. Amenadiel: Okay. Okay, then we'll fix it. There's plenty of time. Charlotte: Of course. You're right, son. There's plenty of time. Charlotte takes the elevator. Charlotte: Just not for me.
Plan: A: Lucifer; Q: Who is the only one who can reignite the blade? A: the Flaming Sword; Q: What is the blade that Lucifer retrieves from Azrael? A: Eden; Q: Where was the Flaming Sword once guarded? A: the Gates of Heaven; Q: What can the Flaming Sword cut through? A: Heaven; Q: Where is Charlotte desperate to return to? A: the Lightbringer; Q: What is Lucifer's title? A: extreme emotion; Q: What triggers the Flaming Sword? A: a prestigious elementary school; Q: Where is the murder of an admissions officer? A: embezzlement; Q: What did Chloe and Dan uncover about the assistant dean? A: any leads; Q: What are Chloe and Dan unable to find? A: a married couple; Q: What did Chloe and Maze pose as to attend a party in honor of the deceased? A: the real murderer; Q: Who is caught and subdued by Maze? A: a teacher; Q: Who is the real murderer? A: whose affair; Q: What was discovered by the victim? A: Linda; Q: Who suggests that Lucifer suppresses all of his pain and heartbreak? A: the pain; Q: What does Linda suggest Lucifer channel instead of anger to ignite the blade? A: his life; Q: What does Linda suggest Lucifer suppress all of the pain and heartbreak in? A: her human form; Q: What is weakening in Charlotte? Summary: Lucifer retrieves Azrael's blade, which turns out to be the Flaming Sword that once guarded Eden and can cut through the Gates of Heaven, allowing Charlotte to return home. As the Lightbringer , Lucifer is the only one who can reignite the blade, but fails to do so as it can only be triggered by extreme emotion. Chloe and Dan investigate the murder of an admissions officer at a prestigious elementary school; despite uncovering embezzlement by the assistant dean, they are unable to find any leads. Chloe and Maze pose as a married couple and attend a party in honor of the deceased, where the real murderer, a teacher whose affair was discovered by the victim, is caught and subdued by Maze. Linda suggests to Lucifer that his inability to use the blade may be because he suppresses all of the pain and heartbreak in his life and, by channeling pain instead of anger, he is able to briefly ignite the Sword. It is revealed then that Charlotte is desperate to return to Heaven because her human form is weakening.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] We're back, darling. Now we begin our task. Our team is one member short. Maleficent. But she's dead. Not entirely. It's time to reunite the band. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret is sleeping.) Mary Margaret: Mm. David? David? (She hears Neal crying.) Mary Margaret: Neal? Hey. Ohh. Hi, buddy. I gotcha. Hey. Maleficent: What a lovely child. Mary Margaret: Stay the hell away from my son. Cruella: We're not the ones you should fear. Ursula: Something far worse than us looms over his head. Maleficent: The truth of what you did to me. (Maleficent takes Neal.) Mary Margaret: Please don't hurt my family. Maleficent: When I'm finished, you won't have a family left to hurt. (Mary Margaret wakes up.) Mary Margaret: David? Oh. David? David: Hey. I'm right here. Mary Margaret: Well, you haven't slept a wink, have you? David: No, it's hard with Ursula and Cruella just down the street. Mary Margaret: Tell me about it. I just had the worst nightmare. You were gone. I went to check on Neal and those two surrounding him... Only... Maleficent was there, too. David: Of course she was. Mary Margaret: David, she said she would make us pay for what we did. David: Well, it's a good thing she's no longer around. Mary Margaret: The other two are. And they know. This can't be a coincidence. David: It doesn't matter. None of that matters. All that does is that we kick them the hell out of this town before anyone else learns what we did. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Snow White and James are ridding toward their castle.) James: Should I be worried you're this excited for our honeymoon to be over? Snow White: Look, the summer palace was wonderful, but it's time to face reality. The Queen is still out there. We have to figure out a way to deal with it. James: And we will. Whatever she throws at us, we'll find a way to overcome it. Snow White: I thought I told the dwarves not to put Sleepy on guard duty. James: Snow, it's not just Sleepy. Snow White: A sleeping curse. James: Regina. (They enter in the castle.) Snow White: Regina! James: Show yourself! Maleficent: No one's hiding. James: Maleficent. Maleficent: I was afraid you wouldn't recognize me. Have you met my associates Cruella and Ursula? James: What do you want with us? Maleficent: Relax, dear prince. We're not here to fight. We're here to make a deal. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny's Diner.) Cruella: Uh, darling, how much longer for those drinks? (Will enters.) Will: Hello, mum. Usual, please. Granny: Ah. You betcha. Will: Cheers. Cruella: You know, if that old bag still wolfed out, I'd turn her into a coat for my collection. (Regina and Henry enter.) Ursula: Regina! We could use a heart rip over here. Granny needs a little encouragement in taking our order. Cruella: Yes, a very effective tactic. Didn't you once rip out the heart of every villager in the north woods? Ursula: Or was it the south? Regina: Uh, why don't you head to my office, get started on the book? Henry: Sure. Make sure to get chocolate frosted doughnuts, not chocolate doughnuts, okay? Regina: Mm-hmm. (Henry leaves.) Regina: Let me be clear, ladies. If you bring up my former sins around my son again, you'll find yourselves across that town line faster than you can say "costume jewellery." Cruella: These are blood diamonds, I'll have you know. Ursula: Come on, let's take our business elsewhere. David: So what's the plan here? Mary Margaret: To deal with our... Latest crisis. Regina: Those two might be tactless morons, but... They couldn't magic their way out of a paper bag. I wouldn't worry. And they're here to seek redemption. Mary Margaret: You don't actually believe that? Regina: If I didn't think it was a distinct possibility, I wouldn't have let them in town in the first place. David: Now that they're here, we have to be certain, which means keeping eyes on them 24/7. Regina: Which sounds like a job for the sheriff's department. I have bigger things to worry about. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cruella and Ursula leave the restaurant. They cross Hook and Emma's way.) Ursula: Hook. Emma: You know her? Hook: Aye, love. I encountered many a vile creature on my voyages. David: Emma. I'm glad you're here. We have to go. Emma: What? Now? We just came to meet you for lunch. I've been dying for a grilled cheese all day. David: It'll have to wait. You're aware we have two new friends in town. They're up to something. If we hurry, we can pick up the trail. Emma: Looks like duty calls. (Cruella and Ursula come in Mr Gold's shop.) Belle: Try anything, and both of you will hop out of here as toads. Cruella: Well, hello to you, too, darling. Ursula: Nice place you got here. Sure beats sweeping the castle. Belle: Why are you here? Have you come to kidnap me again? Cruella: Oh, did we do that? Oh, they all blur together. No, we've come to offer you our congratulations in defeating the Dark One. I mean, who would've thought it? A simple chambermaid takes down the most powerful sorcerer in the land. You did... Quite a number on him, darling. (Ursula uses her tentacles to take a box in the back shop.) Belle: So you've... Seen him? Cruella: Yes, he's a mess, darling. A bum. Reduced to his old cowardly self. It makes sense, really, why he was so terrified of losing his magic. Tell me, is there not a part of you revelling in all of this? Belle: No! I would never take comfort in his suffering. Now do you intend to buy something? Or did you just come here to be cruel? Cruella: Well, as a matter of fact, I was hoping you'd have a... Hood ornament for my vehicle. Something with a little glitz. Belle: I'll check the inventory. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the cave under the library.) Mr Gold: Won't be long now, Maleficent, my dear. Your slumber is nearly over. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Mayor's office.) Regina: Chocolate frosted doughnuts. How are we doing? You find anything? Henry: Not yet. But if the author left clues in the book like mother superior said, we'll find them. How about you, mom? How are you doing? Regina: I'm fine, Henry. Henry: You didn't seem fine when we ran into Ursula and Cruella. Regina: Well... I suppose that's because they remind me of a time in my life I'd rather forget. Time when I was a true villain. It makes me doubt if my happy ending's even possible. Henry: You can't think like that. Regina: I know, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be as happy as I was when it was just you, me, Robin Hood, and Roland. That feeling was, uh... The closest I've ever been to happy. I wanna get back to that. Henry: You will, mom. We're gonna find the author, and when he rewrites your ending, everything will be the way you want it to be. Regina: Careful, Henry. You're getting crumbs all over the book. Henry: Mm. Right. Regina: That's strange. This paper, it's... It's different than the rest. Henry: That's because it's Pinocchio's story. Regina: Why would that story be any different from the others? Henry: Because August added it to the book. He wanted Emma to know he was Pinocchio as a boy. He wanted her to believe. Regina: If August took the book apart, he might know something about it that we don't. Henry: Too bad he isn't around to ask. Regina: August might not be, but Pinocchio is. [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Emma are waiting for Cruella and Ursula in their car.) Emma: I get that you're not a fan of Ursula and Cruella, but am I missing something? Did you know them back in the Enchanted Forest? David: Your mother and I had some run-ins with them. They weren't pretty. Emma: And? David: And what? Emma: I just feel like you're leaving stuff out. Are you? David: Wait. Here they come. (Cruella and Ursula get in Cruella's car and drive. David and Emma follow them.) David: Call Belle. I wanna know exactly what happened in that shop. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In Snow White and James castle.) Snow White: I don't understand. Why did you come to us? Maleficent: That threat Regina made at your wedding, about ruining your happiness? It wasn't all bluster. She has a way to make it happen. James: How do you know? Maleficent: Because Regina just stole the darkest of curses from me. Cruella: It's the dark curse, and it makes that poison apple thing she did to you look like child's play. It will punish all of the Enchanted Forest, including us. James: So what are you suggesting, that we storm the Evil Queen's castle together? Cruella: Ohh. If only your wits matched your looks. Maleficent: There is a magical tree deep within the forest. The fairies call it the tree of wisdom. It will answer any question asked of it. Cruella: Including a query about how to defeat the Queen and her curse. Snow White: So why don't you ask it yourselves? Maleficent: The tree's knowledge is protected. Its wisdom can only be unlocked by two of the most Valiant heroes. James: Which is why you need us. Maleficent: The map to its location. We will escort you there, for all of our safety. Snow White: This tree... If what they say is true... James: We'll be able to defeat the Evil Queen once and for all. Snow White: But can we trust them? They're almost as bad as Regina. James: If she really has a curse as dark as they say, the entire kingdom is in danger. What choice do we have? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (On the street, into the woods.) Emma: Belle said she checked the back. She's pretty sure there's a wooden box missing. David: What was inside it? Emma: She doesn't know. David: Well, let's find out. (They stop Cruella and Ursula.) Cruella: Is there a problem, sheriff chiselled chin? David: Step out of the vehicle, please. (David searches the box.) Emma: Anything? David: Car's clean. Emma: Weird. You think Belle just misplaced that box? David: Who knows? But we can't arrest them for speculation. Emma: Looks like you guys are off the hook. Sorry. Ursula: It would be nice if at least one of the Charmings lived up to their family name. Emma: Maybe we should go back to the sheriff's station, check out any security footage of Gold's, make sure they didn't take anything. David: Why don't you go ahead? I wanna check on your mother. Mind dropping me at the loft on the way back? Emma: Dad... Are you sure everything's okay? David: Emma, of course. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the loft.) Mary Margaret: You found that in Cruella's car? David, that belonged to Maleficent, you know how much that meant to her. David: I do. And I can only think of one reason why those two witches would wanna steal a totem of hers... A spell. A spell to resurrect her. Mary Margaret: Is that even possible? David: You know, it doesn't matter what their dark magic can or can't do. Now that we have this, it's not even an option. Mary Margaret: But what if they discover it's missing? Won't they just find something else? David: Then we take the one thing that Cruella and Ursula can't do without... Maleficent's remains. Mary Margaret: Under the library. David: That's right. We find them, we dump them in the harbour, then she's gone forever. And once Ursula and Cruella realize that, maybe they'll leave town, too. Mary Margaret: And hopefully they'll take our secret with them. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (James discusses with some guard, behind a bridge.) Maleficent: Well, are they going to let us cross or not? James: Unfortunately not. Cruella: You'd think travelling with Snow White and Prince Charming would open some doors. Do they know who you are? Snow White: Yes, and they also know who you are, so now we're just going to have to find another route to the tree of wisdom. James: If we walk south, we can circumvent the ravine. Ursula: That will set us back two days. Cruella: Perhaps you should show those guards just how skilled you are with your blade. Snow White: Now those men are just trying to do their duty. And frankly, I would do exactly the same. Where's Maleficent? (A dragon flies.) James: No! (The dragon burns the soldiers.) James: Come on! Snow White: No! Maleficent: I don't believe that detour will be necessary. James: You should've given us another chance to talk to them. Maleficent: Talk, talk, talk. You weren't willing to do what was needed. I was. Cruella: Oh, well done, darling. Maleficent: I'm sorry. Is there a problem? I didn't think so. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Sheriff's station.) Hook: Grilled cheese, just the way you like it. Emma: Fries? Hook: Onion rings. Emma: Mmm, good. I was just testing you. Hook: What's this? Emma: A.T.M. Security footage. We're trying to figure out if Ursula and Cruella stole something from Gold's shop. Hook: Hmm. Emma: Oh! By the way, I never got the chance to ask you how exactly you knew Ursula. Hook: I already told you, love. She's just one of the many sea monsters who crossed my path in my pirating days. Emma: What exactly does that mean? Hook: Honestly, I don't recall. Emma: Unh-unh. Hook: Swan, that's all there is to know. Emma: You're holding something back. Hook: I don't know what else to say. Emma: Neither do I. Well, I should get back to it. Hook: Enjoy your witch hunt. [SCENE_BREAK] (In Storybrooke's street.) David: Good. That'll do. We can get to the cavern through the mines. Emma: Hey! Where you guys headed? Mary Margaret: Emma. What are you doing here? Emma: I found something on those women. Look. Looks like Belle was right. I think that's the box that's missing. It's enough to drag them into the station, at least. David: Well, let's not jump the gun. We don't even know what that is. Emma: Wait. What? Two hours ago, you guys were so amped up about these divas, you didn't even let me eat lunch, and now you're g... Mary Margaret: Going for a hike. We got Ashley to babysit Neal. Emma: So... Now the crisis doesn't matter. What the hell is going on today? David: Emma, your mother and I realized that we needed to take a step back from our crusade. The truth is, we've been going about this all wrong. Mary Margaret: When we knew those women back in the Enchanted Forest, they were villains. And ever since they set foot in this town, that is exactly how we've treated them. David: Yeah, we chose to see the worst in them. But, Emma, if they're gonna have a shot at redeeming themselves, we have to choose to see the best. Emma: You guys are seriously going for a hike? David: I know it might be hard to believe that we've backed off Ursula and Cruella, but your mother and I think it's the right thing to do. Emma: Well... If you need me, I will... Be at the station. Mary Margaret: David, is this really the right thing to do? David: It's the only way to make sure Emma doesn't find out the truth. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Mayor's office.) Regina: Is anything coming back to you, Pinocchio? Maybe if you look at the pages again. (Emma enters.) Regina: Where the hell have you been? Emma: On witch watch. I was on the way to the station when I got your call. How's it going here? Regina: It's not. He can't remember anything. But since you and August spent so much time together, I thought seeing you would... Jog his memory. Emma: Yeah. I guess I could give it a shot. Hey. Come here. You remember me, right? Pinocchio: You're Emma, the sheriff. Emma: But you know that back when you were... O-older... We were friends. You were a really smart grown-up. So smart you knew how to take that entire thing apart and add a story to it. And then you put it all back together. Do you remember doing that? Or anything else about the book? Pinocchio: I know everybody wants me to remember, but... I just don't. Regina: You went to Phuket. You rode a motorcycle. You wore leather and didn't shave! Emma: Regina. Regina: No, he's not trying hard enough. All you need to do is concentrate and think! Or is that head of yours still made out of wood? Marco: Whoa, stop! Henry: Mom. Marco: I won't have you speak that way to my boy. Regina: Maybe what your boy needs is some motivation. Emma: Okay, Regina, that's enough. Let's go down to the vending machine and get a snack. Henry, come on. Marco: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe this, uh, quest of yours is ill-fated? After ruining everyone else's happy ending, what makes you think you deserve one of your own? Regina: Oh, I can ask you the same question, toy maker, considering you lied about the wardrobe so you could send Pinocchio to this world. Marco: I wouldn't have needed to if it wasn't for your curse! I had to save him! You stay away from my boy. [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the mines.) Mary Margaret: Should we really do this? David: Yeah, stealing the remnants of a dead sorceress wasn't exactly high on my bucket list either. Mary Margaret: No, the lying part. Ursula and Cruella haven't been in town for two days, and we've already lied to Emma more times than I can even count. When does it stop? David: It stops when we get rid of Maleficent's ashes and those witches are gone. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the woods.) Maleficent: Snow, Charming, beauty sleep's over. (Snow White and James are running away.) [SCENE_BREAK] (James and Snow White are walking into the woods.) James: There it is. Snow White: The tree of wisdom. What now? James: I'm guessing this is how we get the answers we need. Snow White: Ready? How can we stop the Evil Queen's curse? (The tree pushes them away.) Snow White: Why didn't it answer our question? James: Those witches had to have lied. Snow White: Do you think it's a trap? Maleficent: It's not a trap, my dear, and we didn't lie about anything. Perhaps you two aren't as Valiant as we thought. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the mines.) Mary Margaret: David. There it it. David: Maleficent's ashes. Mary Margaret: We did it. We stopped them. Cruella: Not exactly. (Ursula hits them.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Marco's home.) Marco: Oh, I thought I made it clear. I don't want you near my boy. Regina: I didn't come here to talk to Pinocchio. I...I came to speak to you. Marco: If you want information about the book, August never told me nothing. Regina: Will you shut up and just let me finish? I'm trying to apologize. Marco: Well, go on. You're off to an interesting start. Regina: Look, if someone talked to Henry the way I spoke to your boy... I would've done a lot worse than yell at them. I know I was out of line. It's just, every time I seem to make progress towards my happy ending, I hit another dead end. But I know I'll never find it if I revert to my old ways. So... I'm sorry. Marco: Wait. After the Blue Fairy turned August back into a boy, I kept everything he brought to town, just in case he remembered the man he used to be. Perhaps, uh, something I here will help you find what you are looking for. If my boy can't help you with this, perhaps yours can. Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the mines) Mr Gold: I trust they don't suspect my hand in all this. Ursula: They had no reason to. Mr Gold: And Belle? Did she have any suspicions while you were in my shop? Ursula: You mean, did she ask about you? Cruella: She didn't even mention your name, darling. I'd say she's moved on. Mr Gold: You know what you must do. (Mr Gold gives Cruella a knife.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Near the tree of wisdom.) Snow White: We were fools to think we could work together. James: Step aside and let us pass. Maleficent: No one's leaving until we figure out why the tree didn't answer your question. Cruella: Perhaps we got the rules wrong, darling. Maleficent: No. The plan should've worked. Unless there was some interference, unless the tree sensed... How did I not see it sooner? The sparkle in your eyes, the glow of your Snow White skin... You're positively radiant, my dear. You don't know? You're carrying a child. Snow White: What? James: We are? Maleficent: That's why the tree of wisdom knocked you back. Snow White: We're going to be parents. James: What does all this have to do with the tree? Snow White: Why would our child prevent us from getting an answer? Maleficent: You may be heroes, but that doesn't mean your child will be. James: Careful, witch. Maleficent: Your child is the product of true love, which means it could grow to be a powerful hero capable of great good. But with the potential for that good also comes something else. Snow White: What? Maleficent: The potential for great darkness. Your child might turn out to be just like us. Snow White: You mean a... Maleficent: A villain. Darker than any this realm has ever seen. Come, ladies. Seems we'll have to find another way to evade Regina's dark curse. Ursula: Can I choke them first? My tentacles are bored. Maleficent: I have a feeling they have plenty of suffering in their future. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the mines. Cruella cuts Mary Margaret's hand then David's hand.) Mary Margaret: Ah! David: Ah! (Cruella pours a drop of blood on Maleficent's ashes.) Mary Margaret: What the hell did you do? Cruella: The dark magic we're using to raise Maleficent doesn't require some silly little trinket from Gold's shop. No, that was just a ruse to get you down here. We need something with a little more kick. Ursula: The blood from the people who wronged her most. Mary Margaret: We're too late. (The ashes turns into Maleficent.) Maleficent: It's good to be back. Mary Margaret: Whatever it is you think we did, you don't know the whole story. Maleficent: I know enough. Cruella: Patience, Mal. We have a plan. Mary Margaret: You wanna hurt someone? Well, hurt me. Leave David alone. Maleficent: Hurt you? No. That would be far too easy. Mary Margaret: You're going to tell everyone what we did first. Maleficent: I don't care about your secret. You can keep it as long as you like. I only care about one thing... Your pain, and that it be as long and terrible and unyielding as my own. The pain you caused. Ursula: I forgot how much I missed her. Cruella: It's going to be entertaining. Maleficent: I'm gonna revel in every torturous moment. And you? You're gonna watch your world crumble. See you soon, dears. Mary Margaret: This is all our fault. If hadn't been so determined to keep our secret... If we'd just asked for help... David: You're right. We can't keep lying. We have to tell Emma everything. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Sheriff's station.) Hook: Well, Swan, why did you summon me? Emma: Because I know there's something about your past with Ursula you're not telling me. And that's okay. What's not okay is you lying to me about it. Hook: Aye, love, you're right. I haven't been entirely forthright with you. Truth is, I remember my history with Ursula. It was ugly. Emma: Did you break her heart? Hook: Worse. Emma: Look... Whatever you did, you're not that person anymore. It's not gonna change anything between us. Hook: That's quite a lot of faith you're putting on me, Swan. Emma: I know, and there's a reason for it. Hook: What's that? (Mary Margaret and David arrive but they hide.) Emma: My parents. I had this moment today where I doubted them. They said they were going for a hike, and I actually thought they were lying to me. Hook: Were they? Emma: No. Of course not. My parents would never lie to me. But the fact that I could think that they would, it reminded me that I have this tendency to... Expect the worst of people. In my childhood... People were always letting me down, and I... Hook: Hey. I don't intend to let you down. Emma: I know. And I know whatever happened with that sea witch... You can tell me on your own time. Because no matter what, I gonna do what... My parents always do. I'm gonna choose to see the best in you. Hook: And I with you. Mary Margaret: Uh, sorry. We just... Didn't want to interrupt. Emma: So you awkwardly stood there to watch? Next time, interrupt. David: I'm afraid we have some bad news. It turns Cruella and Ursula were up to something. Mary Margaret: They resurrected Maleficent. Emma: The dragon that I slayed under the clock tower? Hook: Dragon? I thought she was some sort of mummified beast. David: Well, whatever she was, she's back to her old self now. Mary Margaret: And as long as she's in town, no one is safe. Emma: I don't get it. Why are these witches waging war against us? Mary Margaret: Because they're villains, and we're heroes. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Snow White and James's castle.) Snow White: Charming, wake up. Maleficent: He won't, dear. At least, not until morning. Snow White: W-what are you doing? Why are you here? Where are your friends? Maleficent: They don't know I'm paying you a visit. There's a reason I came to you alone. Snow White: Why? Maleficent: Because you and I have something in common, something those two would never understand. You and I are about to be mothers. Snow White: You're pregnant? Maleficent: Now you get why we must stop this curse. For our children. If we work together, we will find a way to defeat Regina. Snow White: No. Maleficent: What? Snow White: Not with you. Maleficent: Why not? Snow White: Because of what you are. If we succumb to darkness just to defeat this curse, our child will be doomed to that darkness as well. Maleficent: You would risk the kingdom to ensure your child grows up a hero? Snow White: Charming and I will win, but we won't compromise who we are to do it. I won't become like you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Mary Margaret have a secret meeting in the park.) Regina: What's with all the cloak-and-dagger? Mary Margaret: Maleficent's back. Regina: I should've known fish sticks and pound puppy were here for more than a second chance. Mary Margaret: They wanna destroy our happy endings. All of them. Regina: How do they hope to do that? Mary Margaret: That's where you come in. We need to find out what they're planning. We need to get someone close to them, someone they believe to be a villain. We want you to go undercover with them and help us stop their plans. Regina: And you think they're just going to welcome me into their coven with open arms? Mary Margaret: Regina, you used to be one of them. Regina: They think I'm a hero now. They'll never believe I want in. Mary Margaret: So find a way to make them believe. Regina: What makes you so sure they're dead set on destroying us? Mary Margaret: Because of something David and I did a long time ago. Regina, you once asked me to... Regina, you once asked me... To keep a secret. And I couldn't. But I'm gonna ask you to keep one for me. One Emma can never learn. Regina: What is it? Mary Margaret: Emma was born with the potential for great darkness. Regina: She's the Saviour. A hero. Her magic's as light as it gets. Mary Margaret: Because David and I went to extraordinary lengths to make sure it was. Regina: If you ensured her goodness, why can't you tell her? Mary Margaret: The same reason you don't want Henry to hear about all the terrible things you did in your past. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Mayor's office, Henry finds a page from the book in August's stuff.) Mary Margaret: You wanna protect him... So he doesn't lose faith in the person you've become... The person he always believed you could be. [SCENE_BREAK] (In Storybrooke's street, Emma and Hook are walking.) Mary Margaret: That's why Emma can never find out what I'm about to tell you. She's finally starting to open up her heart. And if she learns the truth, if we let her down, she'll lose faith in us, and it could send her tumbling down a dark path. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr Gold spies on Belle.) Mary Margaret: Because when you betray the people you love... When you make them see the worst parts of you... What you've done changes everything. (He sees Belle kissing Will.) Mary Margaret: There's no going back. You've shattered the bonds you worked so hard to forge. [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the woods, Maleficent reunites the two parts of a rattle.) Mary Margaret: And the stronger those bonds once were... The more difficult they are to put back together... If they can be repaired at all. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the park.) Regina: I don't understand. What exactly did you do to Maleficent? Mary Margaret: Because of us... Maleficent lost her child.
Plan: A: Regina; Q: Who goes undercover to learn of the Queens' plan? A: the Queens; Q: Who is trying to reverse the stories of the heroes? A: Emma; Q: Who keeps tabs on Regina and the Queens? A: Maleficent; Q: Who wants Regina to kidnap Pinocchio? A: the plans; Q: What takes a different turn after Regina succeeds? A: Hook; Q: Who is Mr. Gold posing as? A: Belle; Q: Who was tricked by Gold? A: the dagger; Q: What did the Queens want to hide? A: August Booth; Q: What does Pinocchio become after being transformed by Gold? A: the Enchanted Forest; Q: Where does Maleficent go to regain her spirits? A: the sleeping curse; Q: What curse does Maleficent cast on Aurora? A: her wedding; Q: What event is Aurora getting ready for? A: Prince Phillip; Q: Who is Aurora getting married to? Summary: Regina goes undercover to learn of the Queens' plan to reverse the stories that was ever written about the heroes, with Emma keeping tabs on Regina and the Queens. When Maleficent reveals that they're after Pinocchio and wants Regina to kidnap him, the plans take a different turn after Regina succeeds. At the same time, Mr. Gold, masquerading as Hook, informs Belle that the Queens are after the dagger and agree to hide it, only to have Belle end up being fooled by Gold, who needed the dagger to transform Pinocchio back into August Booth, surprising Regina, who has now "joined" the Queens after being accepted by them. Back in the Enchanted Forest, Regina decides to help Maleficent regain her spirits, in the hours before casting the sleeping curse on Aurora, prior to her wedding to Prince Phillip.
Jim: Not much what's up with you? Pam: Oh, I can not believe I fell for that. [laughing] Oh, my God. Michael: Ah, ah, ah, what? What? Where's the funny? Give it to me. Jim: Umm, is it me or does it smell like up-dog in here? Michael: What's up-dog? Jim: Nothin' much what's up with you? Michael: Oh, oh, wow! I walked right into that. Oh, that's brilliant! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, Stanley, is that jacket make of up-dog? Stanley: I'm on the phone. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Mmm, what flavour coffee is that? Up-dog? Ryan: What's that? Michael: I don't know, nothin', what's up with you? Ryan: Huh? Michael: [low] No, damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: What does that mean? Michael: What does what mean? Kevin: The thing you just said? Michael: Just forget it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like up-dog? Dwight: What's up-dog? Michael: Gotcha! [laughing] Oh, God. [low] Crap! Nothin' how ya doing? Dwight: Good. How are you doing? Jim: [mouthing] So close. Michael: [low] Damn it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin. And yes I know its January. I am not an idiot. But, if you do your Spring cleaning in January; guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything. They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well I say that an empty desk means a... Dwight: Empty mind. Michael: No, that's not... no, that's not what I was going to say. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Meredith, men's room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes. They're worn down. Kevin file drawers. Angela kitchen. Oscar dusting. Where is Oscar? Angela: He's out sick. Dwight: That's unacceptable. Angela: I agree it's unacceptable. [longing look] Kevin: Whhh... What are you guys doing? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael. Michael: Yes. Dwight: Oscar is out sick. Michael: On a Friday? [Dwight nods] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Can I do some of the talking? Michael: I will do all the talking. Dwight: Ok, let him know that I'm here. Oscar: Hello. Michael: What difference does it make whether your here? Oscar: Hello? Michael: Hi, Oscar its Michael. Dwight: And Dwight. Michael: Yechh, yeah, um, heard you were under the weather? Oscar: Yeah I think I came down with the flu. Michael: Really? Oh, that is a shame. You know it's cleaning day here today? Could have used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic. Oscar: Yeah, I feel terrible about it. Dwight: Ask him his symptoms. I'm on Web M.D. Michael: What are your symptoms? Oscar: I have the chills. Michael: Umm, hmmm. Oscar: I feel nauseous and my heads killing. Dwight: Checks out. Oscar: Michael is there anything you need from me? I'd like to go back to bed. Michael: I need you to go back to bed. I need you to get better. See you Monday. Unless you're still sick. So have a great long weekend. Oscar: I'll just be sleep--- [Michael hangs up the phone before Oscar can finish] Dwight: Ok. First impressions? Michael: He sounded sick. Dwight: Which is exactly how you'd wanna sound like if you wanted someone to think you were sick. Michael: That's exactly what I was thinking. Dwight: Question? May I investigate? Michael: Yeah. Drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I bought my veil. Kelly: Oh my God! That is so exciting! Can I be a bridesmaid? Pam: Ummm... Kelly: Listen, you don't have to answer now. But how are you going to do your hair? Pam: Ok. I was thinking about wearing it down. Kind of like, I don't know, like loose with big curls and... Kelly: You'd look like an angel. I'm seriously going to cry. Michael: Wowweee. Mikey likey. Why don't you wear your hair like that all the time. It's much sexier. [Pam puts hair back up] [Michael walks by Jim] Man, this must be torture for you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Yeah. On the booze cruise I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy and had a couple drinks. And I confided in the world's worst confidant. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey Michael. Michael: Hey Jim-bag. Jim: Remember that thing I told you on the booze cruise about Pam? That... was... personal so if we can just keep that between you and me. That would be great. Michael: Really? Jim: Umm, hmm. Michael: Who else knows? Jim: Nobody. Michael: Wow! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: My lips are sealed. [singing] My lips are sealed... Bangles. Jim: Alright. Great. Thank you. Michael: [singing] Can you hear me, they talk about us... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Listen Temp. I am conducting a little investigation so I'm no longer going to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it? Ryan: Yeah, I think I can handle it. Dwight: Do you think? Or do you know? Ryan: I think. Dwight: [low] Oh God, here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, whatcha gettin'? Jim: I'm going with grape. Michael: Ah, good stuff, good stuff. Did you see the game last night? Jim: Which one? Michael: Any of em? So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the "P" situation? Jim: I don't know what you mean. Michael: P-A-M. P-A Jim: Uh, uh, ok. Michael: No it's okay, we're talking code. Stanley: What is? Michael: Listen Stanley. How long does it take you to pick out a soda? Jim: I'm going to take off actually. Michael: Alright, well, cool. [Michael walks by Jim] Still deciding? Stanley: Hmm? Michael: [Michael presses a button for Stanley] Peach iced tea. You're going to hate it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hey Oscar how ya doin'? Dwight Schrute calling. Listen a little question for you, buddy. I called six minutes ago and no one answered. So I was wondering if you could explain. Oh, I see, so. Sounds like you're too sick to come into work but your well enough to go to the pharmacy. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's Grrrrrrape! Soda. Jim: Tony the tiger. You don't hear that much any more. Michael: Not so much. Dwight: Ok, what is going on here? Michael: Nothing. Dwight: Oh, really nothing? Fact: You are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact: You are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim. Michael: Fact: I love grape soda. I always have. Fact: Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets. Dwight: Ok. So what is the secret Michael? Jim: Um, I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material. Dwight: Is that true? Michael: Um, I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah it is. Dwight: Thank you Michael. I know your telling the truth. Michael: Ok. Dwight: I can tell. I won't let you down. Michael: Good. Jim: Thanks. Michael: Whooo, nice. That was, that was slick. What are you doin' for lunch? Jim: I don't know probably just gonna eat my ham and cheese sandwich in the break room. Michael: Oh nonsense [lifts leg and puts it on Jim's desk], no way, no. Why don't, why don't I take you out to lunch? My treat. Jim: No, that's alright, thank you though. It's, I, gotta do some cleaning, should probably stick around here. Michael: Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic order some 'za. Talk about you know who. Jim: Oh, ah, no but no. You know what let's go out. That was a good idea. Let's go out. Michael: I know just he place. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [at Hooters] Oh man, you should order milk. Get it? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, here we go, here we go. Bogy at 3 o'clock. Hi. Dana: Hey I'm Dana. Welcome to Hooters. Michael: We're not worthy. We're not worthy. Hello Dana, I am Michael and this is Jim and we are brothers. Jim: Nope we're not brothers. Michael: I'm his boss actually. And I treat him well. I'm taking him out to lunch cause I can afford it and he can have whatever he wants. Jim: Can I just have the ham and cheese sandwich, thanks. Dana: And for you? Michael: Tell me Dana, how is your chicken breast? Dana: Oh, it's great. It's served with our world famous wing sauce. Michael: Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken. [Giggles] Dana: Is that what you really want? Michael: No, I'm gonna have the gourmet hot dog. Dana: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Who took all the black ones? Pam: That's a communal bowl. Dwight: So, how did Oscar sound when he called in? Pam: Sick, like lots of sniffling. I don't know. Dwight: Sniffling how? Pam: Umm. How many different ways are there to sniffle? Dwight: Three. Pam: Ok, it was the second one. Dwight: Ok, good, thank you. That wasn't so hard now was it? Pam: Nuh-uh. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What do you like best about Pam? Jim: Uh, I really don't want to talk about it. Michael: Is it her boobs, or... Jim: Um, she's easy to talk to I guess and she's got a really good sense of humor. Michael: Really? Jim: Uh-huh. Michael: Never get's any of my jokes. Jim: What about you? Michael: Her boobs, definitely. Jim: Wow, that's not what I meant. Dana: Here you go. Michael: Oh, thank you. Dana: And I understand we have a birthday today. Michael: Ohhh happy birthday Jim! Dana: Ready girls? Front side. Hooter's Girls: You put your front side in; you put your front side out. You put your front side in and shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about. Whoo, hoo! Jim: Thank you. Michael: Woo! Yeah! Jim: Thanks, thanks Dana. Michael: Thank you very much. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hilarious. Hey. Pam: What did you guys talk about? Jim: [Holds up Hooters t-shirt] Just you know politics, literature. Pam: I hate you. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Quick Oscar update. I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office. Michael: Just go to his house and see if he's sick. I could have done this Investigation in like twenty minutes. Dwight: Including prep time? Michael: Just do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: If I had to I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Michael messes up hair to look like Jim's] Expenses. Kevin: Michael is that a wig? Michael: No. It's... I wear it like that sometimes. Is that a wig? Kevin: No. Angela: This is from Hooters. Michael: Yeah, it's a business lunch. Angela: Did Toby approve this? Michael: No he did not. I don't need his permission. Toby: You just got your corporate credit card back. Do you really want me to take it away again? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Uhhh it's ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent $80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I put a cigarette through a freakin' quarter. And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us. Toby: I'm not processing this. Michael: Look Jim needed a relaxing lunch, he has been depressed and it has been affecting his productivity. How is that not work related? Toby: He seems fine to me. Michael: You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please? Kelly: Pam? [SCENE_BREAK] Phylis: Angela who would you choose Jim or Roy? Angela: It's nobody's business, Phyllis. Roy. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Jim has got it bad for Pam. Creed: Oh ho! Which one is Pam? Kevin: Well she's the... Hey Michael so do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding? Michael: You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I have been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six straight nights. Turns out she was, with a couple of guys actually so... mystery solved. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Jim, why didn't you tell me you had a crush on Pam? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Well the cats out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam and now I [hesitate] don't. Riveting. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Nice... she is so hot. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: Did you find anything good in your desk? Jim: Ah, coupon for a free sandwich. Pam: Score. Jim: It expired in August, and my cell phone charger from two years ago. Pam: Big day. Jim: Big day. Jim: Hey oh, listen, um, I told Michael on the booze cruise. It's so stupid. Um, I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here. Pam: Oh. Jim: Well I thought that, I figured you should hear it from me rather than, I mean you know Michael. Pam: Right. Jim: And seriously, it's totally not a big deal, ok? And when I found out you were engaged, I mean. Pam: No, I know, like, I kind of like, I thought that maybe you did when I first started. Jim: Oh you did? Pam: No, I mean, just 'cause we like got along so well. Jim: No, no, you saw through me, great. Pam: So are you going to be like totally awkward around me now? Jim: Oh yeah, yeah... hope that's okay. Pam: Mmm, hmm. Jim: And Pam it was like three years ago so I am totally over it. Pam: Cool. Jim: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Stay low... This is it... There he is. He's been gone for at least two hours. Who is that? Come to Papa... Oh yes. Let's roll. I knew it! You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all. Gil: Who's this? Dwight: This is Dwight Schrute. Who is this? Gil: Gil. Oscar: Are you going to tell Michael? Dwight: How bout this. I don't tell Michael and in exchange you owe me one great big giant favor. Redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick. Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance. Hmm, probably, but now I know something he doesn't want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Michael: I know, I know, I know. Jim: Umm, what happened? Michael: I, oh, just, um, I know I was trying to, expense reports. And then God, Toby, you know he just... I know. I'm just, I just hope that, I just hope that [starts to get choked up] this doesn't affect our friendship! Stupid, this is so stupid. Jim: Hey, hey, wow, wow. Listen man it's, you know what. It's not a big deal. Michael: Ok, I'm fine, no I know, I'm good, I'm good, it's just. Jim: Look its one day, everything's gonna be alright. No big deal. You good? Michael: Yeah I'm good. Jim: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Creed did you organize the menu book? Creed: Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis. Ryan: No, that was mandatory. Creed: Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, here's your schedule for next week. Are you okay? Michael: Yeah I'm fine. Look, about you and Jim. Pam: Oh, no, that's, you don't have to. Michael: No, I feel it's my responsibility as your boss slash friend. Pam: No, really, it's okay. I know that Jim had, like a crush on me when he first started. But that was a long time ago, so. Michael: It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise. Pam: Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise? Michael: Yehhh, okay, shuuttt it Michael. I'm done. That's it. I'm out. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Ready? Pam: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: People are always coming to me. "Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust." No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a... Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call... More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don't, I don't want to live like that. I like it here. I don't want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.
Plan: A: Jim; Q: Who is nervous when Michael almost reveals that he is in love with Pam? A: her years ago; Q: When did Jim tell Pam he had a crush on her? A: accountant Oscar Martinez; Q: Who does Dwight spy on to determine if he is telling the truth? A: His investigation; Q: What reveals that Oscar is gay? Summary: Jim becomes nervous when Michael almost reveals that he is in love with Pam. He asks Michael not to tell anyone, but the secret gets out anyway. Jim then tells Pam that he had a crush on her years ago, but pretends that it ended when he found out she was engaged. Meanwhile, accountant Oscar Martinez calls in sick, prompting Dwight to spy on him to determine whether he was telling the truth. His investigation reveals that Oscar is gay, but Dwight fails to notice this.
"Man in the Outhouse" [SCENE_BREAK] (Open: A truck driver is pulling into a deserted lot to make a pit stop as his phone rings and he answers it.) DWIGHT: (into phone) Hey, baby. SHIRLEY: (on other end of the phone) Where the hell have you been?! You were supposed to call... DWIGHT: I probably won't be home for another few days. SHIRLEY: Oh, you making another one of your pit stops? What's her name this time, huh? DWIGHT: There's no girl. SHIRLEY: Oh, really? DWIGHT: I got to get this load to Punxsutawney. Look, Shirl, I got to go. SHIRLEY: Why?! DWIGHT: Because I drank a gallon of coffee, and I gotta to go! SHIRLEY: Oh, really? If I find that... (He hangs up the phone, parks the truck and runs over to the outhouse while lighting up a cigarette. A few seconds later, the outhouse explodes - sending him flying through the air. When he lands, his pants are on fire and he rolls around to put it out) (Cut to: Brennan's Apartment - Hallway. Booth has just arrived, carrying coffee) BOOTH: Bones, wakey-wakey. Bones? (he keeps hitting the buzzer until she opens the door) Wakey-wakey. Eggs and bakey. BRENNAN: Do you have any idea what time it is? BOOTH: 6:30, which is why I brought you this. (he hands her a cup of coffee) Nice, uh, bed head there. (A man walks out of Brennan's bedroom in just a towel) BOOTH: (takes a sip of coffee) Hmm. Whoa! BRENNAN: Um. (Booth whistles) So, uh, Seeley Booth, Mark Gaffney. MARK: Hey. BOOTH: Hey. BRENNAN: What do you want, Booth? BOOTH: My partner. Got some pre-breakfast remains for you. (to Mark) You, uh, getting a little chilly there, Mark? MARK: I think I'll put some clothes on. BOOTH: Excellent choice. (Cut to: Booth's Car. Booth and Brennan are driving to the crime scene) BRENNAN: It would be good if you called first. BOOTH: Well, who knew you were even dating? BRENNAN: Well, I wouldn't call it dating. We occasionally make arrangements to spend time together. BOOTH: I'm just surprised you're not more picky. BRENNAN: My relationship with Mark is purely physical, and I am very satisfied with him in that area. Did you see his chest and his thighs? BOOTH: Bones. What? BRENNAN: Haven't you chosen someone because they were satisfying sexually? BOOTH: There has to be more than s*x. BRENNAN: Not really. Our interests and professions do not intersect. BOOTH: Well, what is he? Bricklayer? You know, truck driver? Tango dancer? BRENNAN: He is a deep-sea welder. BOOTH: Wow. I wouldn't even think to put that on the list. BRENNAN: Well, they work on oil derricks, repair boats. After being at sea for months at a time, he seems to enjoy having a sexual relationship, so... BOOTH: I'm sure. I am sure. Deep-sea welder. BRENNAN: He can hold his breath for three minutes down there. BOOTH: Underwater? BRENNAN: Of course. (Cut to: Crime Scene. Booth and Brennan arrive.) BOOTH: Come on, seriously, who thinks it's a good idea to blow up an outhouse? BRENNAN: Probably accidental. Assuming a minimum methane level of five percent, a simple spark could trigger the explosion. Of course, that would depend on the level of fecal deposit in the tank. BOOTH: Okay. Just stop. BRENNAN: Your aversion to feces is irrational. It's three-quarters water. BOOTH: Don't mention that to the guy who almost got his ass blown off. BRENNAN: He survived? BOOTH: Well, kind of, but he ain't gonna be making any contributions to the gene pool anytime soon. BRENNAN: If the victim is alive, then why are we here? BOOTH: Take a look. Go ahead. Yeah. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform) BRENNAN: Gunshot wound to the frontal lobe. Where's my new assistant? CAM: She's at security getting her ID and badge. BRENNAN: There's powder residue on the bone indicating that the victim was shot at close range. SWEETS: These suits are so cool. (makes robot sounds) I am a robot. Sorry. CAM: Dead for about 72 hours. No lividity on the legs. SWEETS: Wait. Poop will do that to you in three days? HODGINS: Actually, it's the fecal coliform bacteria, streptococcus and maggots. SWEETS: Guy you're looking for has major issues. He deposits the object of his rage in a literal pit of poop. Excrement being the symbol for that which we reject and hate about ourselves. Do we need to take lessons in toilet training issues? BRENNAN: Front teeth are shattered. SWEETS: Shot in the head, punched in the face, and dumped in the poop. Whoever did this did not get enough therapy. BRENNAN: Victim has veneers on the maxillary central and lateral incisors, and there's reshaping of the gum tissue, as well as the underlying bone. (to Cam) Take a look. CAM: Hmm. Looks like there's something in his throat. (she sticks a pair of tweezers down throat and pulls out a wad of paper.) Looks like a photograph after the decomp and stomach acid got to it. BRENNAN: He wasn't punched. The killer crammed that down the victim's throat so hard, it broke his teeth. SWEETS: There's a motive in that. You're gonna want to see what's in that picture. CAM: I'll call Angela. (Sweets sneezes, covering the plastic covering of the helmet of the hazmat suit with snot) HODGINS: Bless you. SWEETS: Thank you. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hodgins and Daisy Wick are sifting through the feces) DAISY: Thank you. This is really a lot of feces. HODGINS: Stop making that face. It's just sewage, Ms. Wick. DAISY: I realize that. HODGINS: Six barrels worth. DAISY: I'm fine. HODGINS: Good. DAISY: I just thought for safety's sake, perhaps a hazmat suit... HODGINS: We got the all clear. No danger, no suit. You got a problem with that? DAISY: No. No. Um, where's Dr. Brennan? I-I thought I'd be working with Dr. Brennan. HODGINS: She's with Agent Booth. She asked me to tell her all about how you're doing. DAISY: Oh. Please tell her that I liked the smell. No pedicle laminae or spinous process means we're not talking vertebral arch, which is cool, 'cause I'm seeing thin lateral borders with small eminences. Makes it one thing and one thing only. A chunk of truck driver coccyx. My work here is done. HODGINS: Hand it over. (she brings him the tray and he starts examining it) What have we here? It's human hair. Distinct color variations. DAISY: I'll turn it over to Hair and Fibers. I know Dr. Brennan is a stickler for protocol. HODGINS: There's no root bulb, which there should be if it was torn out. Cross-section is round, which suggests it's Mongoloid in origin. DAISY: Wait. Dr. Saroyan determined that the victim is Caucasian. He couldn't have hair that's Mongoloid in origin. HODGINS: Yeah. Not bad. But he could if he used this keratin glue to stick a wig on his little bald head. Start sifting through the sewage and isolate the strands of hair. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. The group is heading into Angela's Office) ANGELA: I scanned the skull, and I factored in age and build. DAISY: I found the toupee. HODGINS: They know, Ms. Wick. DAISY: I-I wasn't sure if you'd mentioned it. CAM: He didn't have to. You did everything but hire a skywriter. (to Angela) Have you gotten anywhere with the picture we pulled from his throat? ANGELA: No, not yet. I'm, um-how can I put this-depoopifying the fragments now to piece together some kind of image. HODGINS: He looks familiar. ANGELA: Let me add the fatty tissue and his new, expensive teeth. Hmm, he does look familiar. HODGINS: Put on his toupee? DAISY: Which I found. ANGELA: Oh, my God. HODGINS: That's why he looks familiar. CAM: What? (Angela pulls the "Busted By Bill" website on the computer.) VOICEOVER GUY ON SITE: Be careful. If you cheat on your wife, you just might get Busted By Bill. (video plays) WOMAN (on video): Look, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and when I come back... ANGELA: Okay, that girl's the bait they use to lure the cheaters. (On the video, the guys starts taking his pants off as a group of people bust through the door) JOSEPH: (on video) Wait. What is this? (cut back to video) VERONICA: Swing around. Get the wife. WIFE: You son of a bitch! BILL: Joseph Marilla, I'm Bill O'Roarke, and you've been Busted By Bill. JOSEPH: Wait. No! My back hurt. I thought she was a masseuse. WIFE: I'm gonna kill you. You are dead! Dead! BILL: (into camera) Next time, ask yourself this: "Am I getting lucky, or have I just been Busted by Bill?" (Cut back to lab) HODGINS: Our victim is Bill O'Roarke. (Cut to: Booth's Car. Booth and Brennan are driving to FBI Headquarters.) BOOTH: (into phone) Okay great, thanks. (to Brennan) O'Roarke and his wife live in Cherry Ridge. Old Bill must have been making a tidy sum. BRENNAN: Well, he shouldn't have been rewarded. He was perpetuating a primitive and prurient morality by parading victims for the purpose of entertainment. BOOTH: Well, you know what? You cheat on your spouse, you get what's coming to you. BRENNAN: Anthropologically, 83 percent of societies are polygamous. BOOTH: Now you sound French, okay? Look, being faithful is what separates us, you know, from the chimps. BRENNAN: No, actually, it's a gene called HAR1F. BOOTH: We're talking about the Ten Commandments here, Bones. "Thou shalt not commit adultery." One down from your personal favorite, "Thou shalt not kill." BRENNAN: Oh, so you also believe that Moses wandered the desert for 40 days, climbed Mount Sinai, at which point a supernatural force carved a convenient list of behavioral guidelines on two pieces of rock? BOOTH: Yeah. That's why it's on the Supreme Court. BRENNAN: Fascinating. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. In Booth's office, Booth and Brennan are talking to Bill's wife, Amanda.) AMANDA: I was supposed to be home this weekend. Bill and my 20th anniversary is in five days. BOOTH: Why weren't you here? AMANDA: Our daughter is away at college in Raleigh. I try to spend as much time with her as I can. She adores her father. I mean, how am I going to tell her this? I told Bill not to do that stupid show. BRENNAN: You were worried about him? AMANDA: Bill was a serious journalist until he met Arthur. Arthur produces the show. And at first Bill said no, but the money was unbelievable. I was just always so worried about him. BOOTH: Bill have any enemies? AMANDA: Have you seen that show? There isn't a man he caught that wouldn't want him dead. (Cut to: Stage 8 - Busted by Bill offices. Arthur Lang is walking with Booth & Brennan.) ARTHUR: Amanda always resented the show,but it didn't stop her from spending the money Bill made. I'm telling you, if I thought this show had anything to do with Bill's death, I'd never forgive myself. BOOTH: Well, you know, just getting us the footage that we need should be enough. VERONICA: Well, Pete's pulling the cheaters the moment they were caught. BOOTH: And you are? VERONICA: I'm the producer, Veronica Landau. BOOTH: Agent Booth. This here is, uh,Dr. Brennan. PETE: Hey, is it true? Where they found him? BRENNAN: Uh, upright and inverted in the refuse-filled pit of an outhouse? Yes. VERONICA: Oh, God. BOOTH: I'm sorry but it's very difficult to paint a pleasant picture of his demise right now. Look, who was the last person who saw Mr. O'Roarke alive? ARTHUR: Me. 9:18, Friday night. BRENNAN: That was specific. ARTHUR: We had to shoot wraparounds. 9:20 would have put us into time-and-a-half, so I pulled the plug. PETE: I was, uh... I was supposed to pick him up on Saturday morning for the promos we were shooting; knocked on the door, wasn't there. VERONICA: Pete called me, and I called Arthur, we cancelled the shoot. BRENNAN: No one was worried that he disappeared? ARTHUR: Bill and I had a small disagreement Friday night. He wanted to go visit his kid at college, but we had a shoot scheduled. Promos. BOOTH: Anyone else hear this argument? ARTHUR: No. It was personal. We walked away from the crew. PETER: Actually, it was, uh, it was pretty loud, Mr. Lang. Mr. O'Roarke threatened to quit. ARTHUR: He was just blowing off steam. That's why I wasn't worried. Figured he'd just gone off with Amanda to see the kid. BRENNAN: This is a popular show. It's probably worth millions of dollars, am I right? ARTHUR: Why do you ask? BOOTH: Well, money like that, you must insure your star for quite a bit. ARTHUR: Of course, but I think you're taking this all wrong. See, Bill and I were best friends. We played tennis together all the time,we... BRENNAN: If he quit, you'd lose everything. BOOTH: And if he was found dead, you'd end up with a nice payout. Wouldn't you? ARTHUR: Why don't you get Agent Booth everything he needs, Pete? I believe I should call my attorney. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan are talking in Booth's office.) BOOTH: Arthur Lang will only talk through his attorney, who says he was in Atlantic City all weekend playing Keno. We're checking out his story. BRENNAN: He could've hired a hit man. BOOTH: No, this was not a contract job, this was personal and violent. Okay, Sweets is on his way up with the show tapes to profile for a revenge killer. BRENNAN: Okay, see you later. (she heads out the door) BOOTH: Whoa, Bones, wait a second. (he follows her) Where you going? I thought maybe we could, you know, help out Sweets. BRENNAN: To a film. BOOTH: Oh, this is much better than a movie. Hours of fascinating video. Hey, great stories for the deep-sea welder. BRENNAN: No, actually, I'm going to the film with a botanist. BOOTH: Oh, I get it. You dumped Mark. It's too bad, I kinda liked the guy. BRENNAN: No, I didn't dump Mark, I'm seeing both of them. BOOTH: At the same time? BRENNAN: Mark and I have a physical connection. The botanist, while brilliant and fascinating, just...just doesn't appeal to me in that way. BOOTH: Okay, so all that stuff you said about monogamy being unnatural, you're just making excuses. BRENNAN: I do not make excuses. Only people who are ashamed make excuses. BOOTH: Bones, two guys at the same time, it's not right. I mean, that's why they invented dueling. (The elevator opens and Sweets steps out) BRENNAN: How can you say... SWEETS: Hey, you guys ready? BRENNAN: I know what I'm doing, Booth. (Brennan steps into the elevator but Booth puts his hand on the door to hold it open.) BOOTH: My gut says you're going with your gut on this one, and we all know how that ends up. Not good. SWEETS: Uh, is there something we need to discuss before getting to work? BRENNAN: No, no. Just call me when you find something of value. (Brennan pounds the buttons, pushes Booth's hand away and the doors close) BOOTH: No, it's nothing. It's just, she's got a date. SWEETS: Oh. And how do you feel about that? BOOTH: It's not about me, okay? Let's go look at those videos. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Room. Cam and Daisy are examining remains) DAISY: Do you have any idea how good it smells in here? CAM: It's Eau de Formaldehyde, glad you like it. DAISY: There are hairline fractures at the base of the skull. Probably made when the photo was jammed down his throat. Dr. Hodgins could probably pull some particulates. CAM: Very good. DAISY: My boyfriend thinks it's weird that I love doing this. But I think it's weird that he loves the accordion. CAM: I'm with you there. DAISY: Dr. Brennan is my hero, always has been. I just, I hope she loves-she likes me. Well, bonjour. Ante-mortem fractures to the lumbar vertebrae. Maybe two weeks old. CAM: Try to find what caused it. DAISY: On it. It's just, Dr. Brennan and I are, like, the same, you know? We just, we understand that the dead don't talk back or want the window open when it's freezing out or pick at your plate or pee on the toilet seat... CAM: You might want to keep a little mystery about yourself. DAISY: Sure. But you're gonna put in a good word for me, right? I mean, wouldn't it be fun if I were here forever? CAM: Yeah. (Cam goes back to looking at the remains) Brush abrasions. Can you hand me a swab? (Angela enters) ANGELA: I managed to get some usable pieces of that photo. Just fragments, but it's a start. CAM: Okay. ANGELA: I used an infrared camera and I excluded all the visible light. If I had to take a guess, I'd say the mystery couple were knocking boots. CAM: I always love your clinical assessments. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Sweets is watching the video tapes.) (on video) TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Sorry. I'm so sorry. TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: Sorry?! TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: But nothing was gonna happen. TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: Nothing was gonna happen? TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Nothing... TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: You're in your under... TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Don't! Oh, God, please don't cry. TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: Don't cry? You're in your underwear. TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Don't cry. TIGHTEY WHITEY WIFE: What do you want me to... TIGHTEY WHITEY GUY: Nothing was gonna happen! (Booth enters) BOOTH: What'd I miss? SWEETS: Six men crying, two insisting they'd gotten lost, and four saying they were trying to show the poor, young woman how dangerous the internet could be. BOOTH: Wow, parade of saints, huh? SWEETS: The murder was premeditated and filled with rage, not the act of someone apologetic or ashamed. BOOTH: Did you find any rage? SWEETS: Well, I know you don't have the benefit of years of psychological training, but, uh, check out one Jim Dodd. (on video) JIM: Come on, baby, I can't wait. JIM'S WIFE: You b*st*rd! You're never gonna see this child,ever! Do you hear me? Ever! BILL: I'm Bill O'Roarke, and Jim Dodd, you've been Busted By Bill! (Jim punches Bill) JIM'S WIFE: Oh, God! Stop it! Stop! Stop! JIM: I'll kill you! JIM'S WIFE: Come on, stop! (tape stopped) BOOTH: Wow. Serious impulse control issues. SWEETS: Very good, Agent Booth. I've marked a few other possible suspects that match the profile, but I think Dodd exhibits the right amount of rage and self-justifying vengeance. BOOTH: So, Dodd's our guy. Let's go tell Bones, huh? Come on. SWEETS: Well... uh, couldn't we just call? BOOTH: No. Let's go. (Cut to: Royal Diner. Brennan is sitting at a table with her date, Jason DeFry.) BRENNAN: Open City might be Rossellini's best film. JASON: Rossellini had nothing, no sets... BRENNAN: 1945, the country had barely started rebuilding after the war. JASON: Yes. Of course, I'm also a big fan of Meatballs, Bill Murray's paean to anarchy. (Booth and Sweets enter and take a seat at the counter, facing their table) BOOTH: Hey, Bones. (to Jason) Hi. I'm Special Agent Booth, her partner. JASON: Hi. SWEETS: I'm Dr. Lance Sweets. I'm their therapist. JASON: Jason DeFry. BOOTH: DeFry. JASON: Do you follow them around all the time? SWEETS: No. No, no,n o. I'm also a profiler. I help with the cases. (to Booth) Did you know that she was on a date? BOOTH: Slipped my mind. (to Jason) Spiffy suit, man. JASON: Thanks. Picked it up in Italy. BOOTH: Little tight, huh? JASON: It's the style. BOOTH: You ever been married? JASON: No. BOOTH: Got a kid? JASON: Never been married, remember? BOOTH: I have a kid. SWEETS: He's never been married. BRENNAN: I should get to work, Jason. We've got a murderer to catch, you understand? JASON: Of course, of course. You know, it's getting late anyway. Listen, I have Coldplay tickets for tomorrow night. Thought maybe we'd grab a bite first. Any interest? BRENNAN: Absolutely. I might have to leave from work. JASON: No problem. I'll meet you at your office at 6:00? BRENNAN: I'll be there. (He gives Brennan a double kiss on the cheeks) JASON: Nice meeting you all. BOOTH: Yeah. (Jason leaves) BOOTH: No wonder you two are platonic. BRENNAN: What is that supposed to mean? BOOTH: Well, look, I'm fine with it, Bones, really. I have zero problems with it, but... that guy is gay. BRENNAN: He is not gay. BOOTH: Please. Double cheek kiss, tight Italian suit... SWEETS: Coldplay. BOOTH: Never married... SWEETS: Coldplay. BRENNAN: Jason is as heterosexual as either of you. BOOTH: Then how is it that he's okay with not having s*x? SWEETS: What? BRENNAN: Uh, we share an intellectual bond. I don't have physical feelings for him. He understands that. BOOTH: Not if he's straight. (to Sweets) Right? Am I right? SWEETS: You are hot. BRENNAN: You're here for a reason? SWEETS: Um, we got something off the DVDs... BOOTH: Mint tea, fruit tart...?! BRENNAN: Okay, speak, Sweets, please. SWEETS: Okay, okay. Um, most of the cheaters were essentially cowards, seeking alternate sexual experiences because they're too afraid to confront the problems in their own lives. BRENNAN: Just because someone seeks an alternative sexual outlet doesn't mean that they're a coward. BOOTH: She has issues. BRENNAN: I do not have issues. BOOTH: Case in point: Deep-sea welder and a botanist. SWEETS: What, did they go into a bar? BOOTH: Huh? What? No. Brennan's two boyfriends. Oh. Right. Let me guess, that one's the botanist. BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: So you have nothing. BOOTH: Show her. SWEETS: This is Jim Dodd. (Sweets hands her a phone with the video playing) BOOOTH: The photograph that you pulled out of O'Roarke's throat, turns out that Jim Dodd used to be a mall photographer at Tiny Tots Photography. BOOTH: Motive and means. BOOTH: Yeah, I mean, his landlord said he disappeared five days ago, no forwarding address. BRENNAN: And you think he left because he was planning to kill Bill O'Roarke? BOOTH: Yeah, it fits, okay? Landlord also said he has a drinking buddy by the name of Chris Gutman. We're looking for him. (Brennan gives him a look) What? BRENNAN: This couldn't have waited till after I said good night to Jason? BOOTH: I'm just looking out for you, all right? You don't have the, uh, best taste in men. (Cut to: Royal Diner. The next morning. Booth and Brennan enter). BRENNAN: So you're going to hire a stalker to find Dodd? BOOTH: Perfect undercover move. BRENNAN: So you think this is a good idea? BOOTH: Of course I do, it's mine, okay? Gutman was lying through his teeth. There he is right over there. This way, we'll be able to find out what he really knows. NOEL: Yo, namaste, guys BRENNAN: Hi, Noel. NOEL: Think they have mung beans? I'm on an ayurvedic cleanse. BOOTH: What? NOEL: I do mung beans till Sunday, then I start the enemas. BOOTH: Listen, Noel, we'd like to harness you for your natural abilities. NOEL: You want your chart done? BOOTH: No. Stalking. You like to stalk people. NOEL: Observe them. (Noel starts to check out Brennan while Booth is holding up a picture) BOOTH: Hey, Noel, eyes over here. Okay? Eyes on him, not her, him. Noel. Chris Gutman. NOEL: So not my type. BOOTH: It's not recreational. I want to find out where he goes,who he sees,who he talks to. Okay, listen, he hangs out with a guy by the name of Jim Dodd. Want me to write that down for you? NOEL: No, I got it. BOOTH: What's his name? NOEL: Jim Dodd. BOOTH: Right. Jim Dodd. I want details. I'll give you 50 bucks. NOEL: 50 bucks? BOOTH: Mm-hmm. NOEL: Sure, but I got to be done by Sunday, because I got this... BOOTH: Right, the enemas. Nomaste. NOEL: Namaste. (Brennan smiles at him and they leave) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab.) HODGINS: Everything you never wanted to drain from outhouse sludge. Two toy cars, three cell phones, a doorknob, a rubber casing, plastic Easter bunny head,and - drumroll...optional-one slightly used 40-caliber bullet. CAM: Excellent. If Booth can find the murder weapon, we can match it. DAISY: We may not have to wait that long. I took some initiative and checked out the lumbar fractures I found on O'Roarke; figured he'd have to be treated for them. He was treated at Providence Hospital. The police brought him in. The wife of a guy he busted rammed Bill with her grocery cart at Food King. CAM: You did this without my approval? (she nods her head yes) And why shouldn't I toss you out of here right now? DAISY: Dr. Brennan always says that in an intellectual pursuit, there are no limits. CAM: Well, in fact there are. Produce section road rage is a long way from shooting a man dead. DAISY: Not if you're a police officer who carries a gun the same caliber as the bullet you found in the poop pit. (Daisy hands Cam a file folder) CAM: (reads) Capitol Police Sergeant Francis Diamond. DAISY: Doesn't it feel as if I've always been here? (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Meeting Room. Booth and Brennan are talking to Sergeant Francis Diamond.) SGT. DIAMOND: I hate Bill O'Roarke. He tried to destroy my marriage. But I didn't kill him. BOOTH: You don't think your husband cheating might have put a wrinkle in your relationship? SGT. DIAMOND: What my husband did was not cheating. BRENNAN: See, Booth, this is a woman enlightened enough not to expect a monogamous relationship. SGT. DIAMOND: He'd never cheat on me. BOOTH: Okay, then why did you turn your husband in to the Busted by Bill show? SGT. DIAMOND: I didn't, it was my sister. She called up their tip line. Kept insisting that he was messing around, but it wasn't true. BOOTH: Sergeant Diamond, we saw the video. Your husband met the young woman at the motel with flowers. BRENNAN: And then took off his pants. SGT. DIAMOND: He went there to warn her that it could be dangerous meeting someone online. BRENNAN: Perhaps she's not so enlightened. BOOTH: Okay, Ballistics is going to need to see the sidearm. Please. Now. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Brennan and Cam are walking into the Autopsy Room.) CAM: I want to show you what I found lodged in Bill O'Roarke's lower intestine. BRENNAN: I can't understand why Booth has an issue with me seeing two men. CAM: Guys like to think they're the only ones who should sleep with more than one person. They like to be in control. Doesn't take a lot to throw the little darlings off their game. CAM: Oh, yeah, then you end up lying in bed holding them while they say, "I don't know what's wrong, this has never happened to me before." BRENNAN: He should be happy that I've found a way to satisfy myself. It just happens to require two men. ANGELA: I've done that. I miss college. CAM: And the botanist, no biological imperative? BRENNAN: He's flirted with the intent to become intimate, but Mark keeps me quite sated sexually. ANGELA: You really got to learn some girl talk, sweetie. CAM: Okay, look at that. BRENNAN: How did a wire get lodged in his intestine? CAM: Not sure yet. And the tox screen's even stranger. Tetrahydrozoline hydrochloride. Eye drops? CAM: And sildenafil citrate. BRENNAN: Viagra. ANGELA: Bloodshot eyes and wood in a pill. Party time. (Daisy enters) DAISY: Dr. Brennan, I'm Daisy Wick, your new grad assistant. BRENNAN: I'd rather not learn your name until I've assessed your work. DAISY: Oh, of course. I'm the same way. We're two of a kind. You're like a hero to me. BRENNAN: Hero worship exposes a lack of independent intellectual examination. I'll tell Booth what we found. (Brennan leaves) DAISY: She's so smart. ANGELA: Yeah. (Cut to: DC Street. Booth and Brennan are walking to meet up with Noel) BOOTH: So Sergeant Diamond's firearm wasn't a match. She wasn't even in town Friday and Monday. She was with her husband fixing her marriage at some tantric s*x workshop. BRENNAN: I've heard that if practiced correctly, tantric sexual techniques can extend orgasms by 4 to 500 percent. BOOTH: Whoa, they actually teach that? NOEL: Teach what? BRENNAN: Extended orgasms through tantric yoga. BOOTH: No, Bones, don't encourage this guy. NOEL: It's a godly pursuit, man. BOOTH: Noel? What do you have for us? NOEL: I followed Gutman from that gas station where he works. Are you embarrassed to talk about...? BOOTH: Noel... NOEL: Right. Gutman went off shift at 7:00, beelined for the roach coach. Dude actually ate a hot dog. You have any idea how many toxins are in your average hot dog? BRENNAN: Yes, I do. BOOTH: Jim Dodd, Noel. NOEL: He caught the M Street bus. BOOTH: Noel? NOEL: Sat next to a girl wearing a Led Zeppelin tour T-shirt. Not a real one. One of those fakes where Jimmy Page has a Stratocaster instead of a Gibson. BOOTH: Where did he go? NOEL: To a church: St. Xavier's. Goes down to the basement where they store all these awesome Christmas decorations. The Jesus is like...you could sit down and share a doobie with Him, you know? BOOTH: I really hope this has something to do with Jim Dodd. NOEL: Not only did he meet up with Dodd, he sat next to him for two hours. BRENNAN: : With the life-sized Jesus? NOEL: No, man! They were in divorce support group. They're breakup buddies. BOOTH: Oh, well, getting busted by O'Roarke must've ended Jim Dodd's marriage. Would you say that these divorce support groups were angry? NOEL: No way. The guys are all sad and weepy. The dumped chicks eat it up. The Dodd dude, he's hooking up with at least two of them, which is probably why he goes there every day. Which I know... 'cause I photocopied the sign-in sheet. BOOTH: Right, that's great. NOEL: So how'd I do? Huh? BOOTH: Oh, right. You did great. Here you go, pal. (he hands him a $50) Get all the mung beans and the enemas you want. Boy, here you go. See ya. (Cut to: FBI Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are interrogating Jim Dodd) JIM: The loan shark's got me down for five G's plus the vig, so I told Gutman to keep his mouth shut if anybody asked about me. How was I supposed to know it was gonna be the FBI? BOOTH: So, why'd you do a runner last week? JIM: I owe two grand back rent, child support, alimony, plus the loan shark-- I mean, wouldn't you run? BOOTH: And all this hard luck is because of Bill O'Roarke, right? JIM: What? No. No,it had nothing to do with that. BOOTH: Where were you Friday and Saturday? JIM: I didn't kill him. I swear. BOOTH: Where were you? JIM: I drove to Jersey to borrow money from my mom. She pawned her engagement ring because the loan shark was gonna rip my ears off. Pathetic. BOOTH: Mother's contact information. (he writes it down) Pathetic. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Cam, Sweets and Hodgins enter.) ANGELA: Hey. So...it takes over two hours for this computer to render each new image, but this last pass gave us a little more detail in that photograph. (She shows them the more enhanced photo) HODGINS: What is that on her back? CAM: A tattoo? ANGELA: It's a tramp stamp of some kind. SWEETS: Cool. Useful, I hope. ANGELA: Anyway, I was starting to enhance the resolution when Sweets brought me the videos. SWEETSL O'Roarke was talking to his producer. Appeared upset, but the sound was distorted and barely audible. (Angela puts on the video) BILL: They were Busted By Bill. I'm Bill O'Roarke. VERONICA: Okay, let's get a tail slate. BILL: Arthur, a moment... now. ARTHUR: What's up, Billy? (followed by inaudible sounds - cuts back to Angela) ANGELA: Okay, I sampled Bill's voice and I removed all the extraneous noise. (She puts the re-sampled video back on) BILL: Arthur, a moment... now. ARTHUR: What's up, Billy? BILL: This thing with Veronica, it's over. I can't work with her anymore. ARTHUR: Oh, just kiss and make up. BILL: No, I want her gone. I'm serious. (Angela pauses the video) HODGINS: Sounds like Viagra-popping Billy might have gotten himself a bit too involved with someone at work. CAM: So that could be Veronica in the picture. SWEETS: Fits the profile: jilted and vengeful. (Angela unpauses the video) VERONICA: That's a wrap. (Cut to: Busted by Bill studios.) BOOTH: Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. AMANDA: I'm just packing up some things for our daughter. I, uh, I don't know if she wants them, but maybe someday. BOOTH: If you don't mind, Mrs. O'Roarke, we'd like a word with Veronica. AMANDA: Sure. Excuse me. VERONICA: Is there a problem? BRENNAN: Did Mr. O'Roarke ask Arthur Lang to fire you? VERONICA: I'm still working here, aren't I? BRENNAN: Because O'Roarke is dead. BOOTH: See, I'm thinking that you got fired, then you got angry, which led to revenge. VERONICA: Is he serious? BRENNAN: Why would O'Roarke want you fired? VERONICA: I sold a new show. On my own. Bill accused me of stealing the idea from him. BOOTH: Did you? VERONICA: No. I didn't. I knew he'd be mad when he found out,but the idea was mine. BOOTH: And now that he's dead, we're just going to have to believe you,right? VERONICA: I worked with Bill every day for two years. We were incredibly close. We would've made up. BOOTH: How close? BOOTH: What is that supposed to mean? BRENNAN: I believe Agent Booth is asking if you had sexual intercourse with O'Roarke. But I agree, he could have phrased the question more clearly. VERONICA: No. I was not sleeping with Bill. BRENNAN: Do you have a tattoo on the small of your back? (She turns around, lifts up her shirt and shows that she doesn't) VERONICA: If there are no more questions, I would like to help Amanda with Bill's things. Excuse me. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform.) HODGINS: I'm done with the culture you swabbed from the wound on the victim's thigh. CAM: What'd you get? HODGINS: A trace of enameled iron, a fleck of silver plating. Maybe from a knife? CAM: Don't think so. The wound's too jagged and I found amylase activity. HODGINS: So he had saliva and iron in a wound on his thigh? CAM: And I found candidiasis in the saliva. HODGINS: Okay, so somebody with a thrush infection scratched him with something metal, and then licked him? CAM: You're getting warm. Look. (she brings up an image on the computer) Come on, you can do it. Distance between peaks is irregular and about two inches apart. HODGINS: Hmm... wavy thigh scratch. CAM: Oral thrush. Wiggle your tongue side to side. HODGINS: You serious? CAM: Oh, yeah. HODGINS: Infected tongue piercing. (Cut to video) HOLLY: You want to see it? GUY: Mm-hmm. (Holly sticks out her tongue and shows her tongue ring) (end video) HODGINS: Silver-plated iron. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Holly Markwell.) BOOTH: Come on, Holly, was it something that Bill did to you? I mean, he was older than you, huh? Probably took advantage of you? HOLLY: No. No, Bill was a good man. BOOTH: You two were sleeping together, weren't you? HOLLY: I don't have to answer questions like that. I know my rights. BRENNAN: Your stud, please? HOLLY: You're kidding. BRENNAN: You really should consider some nystatin for that infection, by the way. We found saliva in the laceration on your boss' thigh. And we can prove that it's yours. Your stud. HOLLY: Forget it. No way. BOOTH: Well, we have a court order. We know our rights, too, so... Your stud, please. (she takes it out and hands it to Brennan.) That wasn't too hard. You're sure you don't want to talk to us? HOLLY: It is not what you think. BOOTH: What do I think? HOLLY: We loved each other. I didn't kill him. Why would I kill a man that I loved? BRENNAN: Is that how you got the job, sleeping with O'Roarke? HOLLY: No! No, it was...It was Pete, the camera guy. Okay, Pete and I met at a club one night and we went out for a while. Anyway,we still have a place together. And Pete knew that I wanted to get into TV, so he got me a job as a production assistant, and, um... Bill just kind of took me under his wing. BOOTH: Yeah, I'd say so. Didn't bother you that he was married? BRENNAN: Perhaps he wasn't fully satisfied in a long-term relationship. BOOTH: Bones... BRENNAN: What? It's understandable. Needs change. (to Holly) When did you last have intercourse? HOLLY: Is she for real? BOOTH: I'm sorry. We have to ask these kind of questions in a murder investigation. BRENNAN: Intercourse? HOLLY: Friday night. BRENNAN: Just before he disappeared. BOOTH: What happened, Holly? You were lying there in his arms. You tell him you're tired of his wife getting all the money... HOLLY: No, I never cared about the money. BOOTH: So... you tell him that he should leave her, but he says he's got a life with her, he's got a daughter, and right there, you snap, you realize you've been used. So you show him a picture of the two of you. HOLLY: Oh, my God. BOOTH: You cram this down his throat. Then you shoot him. BRENNAN: Do you have any body modifications other than the (she points to her tongue) piercing, Ms. Markwell? HOLLY: What, like fake boobs? BRENNAN: No, like tattoos. HOLLY: I have to, right? BOOTH: Afraid so. HOLLY: You know, I loved Bill. I didn't kill him. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Angela's Office.) ANGELA: And there you have it. You are busted, Billy. BRENNAN: Holly admits it's her in the picture but insists she didn't kill him. SWEETS: Well, if denial is severe enough, she might actually believe that. HODGINS: I know what was used to cram the picture down his throat. DAISY: Because of what I found. Hi, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: I don't fraternize at work. HODGINS: Daisy found the fractures on the sagittal suture, which contained some particulates. DAISY: Told you. HODGINS: They are chlorinated polyethylene. It's the rubber used on the tail of a microphone. The copper wire we found in his intestine was from inside that rubber cap. CAM: Putrescent gases forced the wire into the esophagus, and the buoyancy of the outhouse sewage caused it to migrate up the digestive tract to the intestine. ANGELA: Well, Holly had access to the microphone. CAM: She's small. Do you think she could have upended a 180-pound man and placed him in a poop pit? BRENNAN: You're her size. Pick up Dr. Sweets and turn him upside down. DAISY: What? SWEETS: That's not going to happen. DAISY: I have to. (She charges towards Sweets but he stops her with a hand on her head) SWEETSL Oh,no,no, no,no,you don't, you don't, you don't, it's fine. HODGINS: Nice. CAM: So it's probably not Holly. Anyone else have access to the equipment? ANGELA: The print was e-mailed to somebody. DAISY: The murderer was surprised and enraged by that image. I minored in psychology. SWEETS: Really? DAISY: Yeah. BRENNAN: Well, Holly wouldn't be surprised. She knew she slept with Bill. SWEETS: Right, but someone who was sleeping with either O'Roarke or Holly might have seen this. The image triggered the killer's rage. There was only one way to avenge that violation. The killer had to make sure that this image died with O'Roarke. DAISY: That's brilliant. BRENNAN: I know who did it. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Booth and Brennan are coming out of her office.) BOOTH: So, you sure? (Booth hits his arm on the way out) Ow. BRENNAN: Yeah, it's the only person who makes sense. Mark, wha-what are you doing here? MARK: Well, you told me to pick you up. With dinner? BRENNAN: I... am so sorry. I... there's been an emergency. MARK: Okay, do you want me to reschedule, or...? JASON: Temperance. BRENNAN: Jason! What are you doing here? JASON: We're going to Coldplay, remember? BOOTH: You remember Coldplay. MARK: Coldplay? BRENNAN: Sorry, I've been distracted by the case. MARK: Why don't we ever go to a concert? As a matter of fact, why don't we ever leave your bedroom? BRENNAN: Um, can we talk about this later? We're about to arrest... JASON: You're dating this guy? BRENNAN: I -I don't like that term. It has an antiquated moral and needlessly restrictive connotation. MARK: (to Jason) And who are you? JASON: Obviously, a guy who is not doing as well as you. BRENNAN: This is Jason. (to Jason) Jason, Mark. (to Mark) Mark, Jason. (to Jason) Please understand, Jason, you're very good-looking, but sexual attraction is an involuntary hormonal response involving an increase in neutrophins and testosterone. MARK: (to Jason) So you get to go out? BRENNAN: Mark, you are a strong and attentive man, but Jason is more stimulating, intellectually. JASON: That's not the only way I could be stimulating. BOOTH: Um, Murderer? BRENNAN: Murderer, yes. MARK: What do you do with this one, Temperance? BRENNAN: Oh... this-uh, Booth is my partner, that's all. BOOTH: We should go. BRENNAN: Yes, okay. All right. Oh, Jason, we can talk at the concert. I'll meet you out front by 8:00, and Mark, we can talk later at my apartment. BOOTH: Oh, yeah. See ya, boys. Thanks. (he grabs a soda) I'll grab one of those. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Pete.) PETE: Thi-This is crazy. Why would I kill him? I mean, B-Bill and I were like family. BRENNAN: Because he was sleeping with your girlfriend. Although not only did you lose your girlfriend, you lost your job. It was not a good choice. PETE: (to Booth) What is she talking about? What, no, Holly and I are-we're just roommates. BOOTH: Yeah, but you used to be a couple and you were in love with her. And you felt that Bill ruined it for you... PETE: No, no. BRENNAN: You said that O'Roarke wasn't home when you went to pick him up Saturday morning, but that's not true. BOOTH: Yeah, you brought him his usual cup of coffee, but this time you put in something a little special. BRENNAN: Tetrahydrozoline hydrochloride. BOOTH: That, right there, is squint talk for eyedrops. Old bartender's trick, guaranteed to give Bill the runs. PETE: You guys don't know what you're talking about. BOOTH: Really? (He shows Pete the picture) PETE: Where did you get that? BOOTH: What'd you do, Pete-set up your own camera, shoot your own show so you could bust Bill? PETE: I just lost it. Look, I'm a nice guy. I am. You can ask anybody. I just lost it. (Cut to FBI Headquarters. Sweets Office - Brennan and Booth enter.) SWEETS: Hey. Come on in. You look nice, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Oh, thank you, uh... I was supposed to go to a...gallery opening tonight. BOOTH: What, did Jason get a new tight suit? BRENNAN: With Mark. SWEETS: Yeah, the two amigos. BOOTH: I thought he was more of your, uh, "stay at home" kind of a guy. BRENNAN: I was visiting the possibility that I might enjoy him in a strictly conversational setting. BOOTH: And? BRENNAN: Since the murder, I'm considering the argument for monogamy. BOOTH: Write that one down, Sweets. I have a positive influence on her. BRENNAN: No, you don't. BOOTH: Yes, I do. BRENNAN: Mark broke up with me. BOOTH: Oh. Sorry. Well, what about "gay Jason"? BRENNAN: Him, too. I guess they weren't as accepting of each other as I thought, so... SWEETS: Is it typical for you two to discuss your love lives? BOOTH: Well, I mean, only when she has naked men in her apartment. BRENNAN: No, that's not true. I'm very open about my relationships, as opposed to you. BOOTH: Okay, what's that supposed to mean? BRENNAN: You're very secretive. As if discussing your s*x life would somehow be offensive to me. I assume you are sexually active. BOOTH: I do fine. SWEETS: Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds? BRENNAN: A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection, which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable. BOOTH: Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place. BRENNAN: All relationships are temporary. BOOTH: No, that's not true, Bones. You're wrong. Okay, there is someone for everyone. Someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. All right? You just have to be open enough to see it. That's all. (They stare at each other for a minute. Sweets watches, amused.) BOOTH: Come on, I'll buy you dinner. Hey, I can be fun in a strictly conversational setting. SWEETS: See? Surrogate relationship. BOOTH: Surrogate nothing. Okay? It's a meal. With drinks. Just strictly conversational. SWEETS: I can come, too. BRENNAN: Actually, our partnership does make it difficult to form other bonds-- no offense. SWEETS: Our session isn't over yet. BOOTH; How about Chinese? SWEETS: I love Chinese. Love it. BRENNAN: I feel more like Thai. BOOTH: Thai? I got coupons to Hop Li. BRENNAN: What, you're gonna take me out for a discount meal? BOOTH: What? There's two for one, and then they throw in some... (Sweets sits on the couch and picks up his phone and dials.) SWEETS: Hi. Is this Daisy Wick? Hey, this is Lance. (pause) The shrink? Yeah. Listen, sorry you got fired. Nothing. What are you doing? The accordian? No, no , no. I play a little bass... [SCENE_BREAK] END.
Plan: A: a body; Q: What is discovered in the sewage after an explosion in an outhouse? A: a long list; Q: How many people wanted the reality TV host dead? A: Brennan; Q: Along with Booth, who is left to narrow down the suspects? Summary: After an explosion in an outhouse, a body is discovered to have been left in the sewage. The body turns out to be a reality TV host with a long list of people that might want him dead and Booth and Brennan are left to narrow down the suspects.
--WHITMORE COLLEGE -- COMMONS AREA-- (Stefan's body lies on a couch. Caroline cries over his body. Elena rushes in, followed by Damon. She notices Stefan's body.) Elena: Oh, my God. Stefan! She sits on the coffee table in front of the body. Caroline: (sobbing) I didn't know where to bring him, and I just couldn't leave him outside. (Damon looks at Stefan's body, disconcerted.) Caroline: Bonnie has a plan, right? She--she said that she could bring people back. (either Elena or Damon respond) Tell me that she can bring him back! Damon: We'll bring him back. Come on. Let's get away from prying eyes. (Damon starts getting Stefan's body while Elena and Caroline help. The scene turns into a blue hue, indicating it's being viewed from the Other Side, from which Stefan observes them as they take his body. Still on the Other Side, there is a rumble and trembling. Stefan tries to prop himself leaning on a column. It doesn't work, as we see him being dragged through the hall in direction of a window. He's lifted up in the air and he tries to hold himself at a wall corner. Right when he's about to not hold it any more, a woman reaches out and grabs him by the wrist.) Woman: I got you! (She's able to pull Stefan out of danger. He looks surprised. The woman is his best friend, Lexi.) Lexi: Looks like I've now saved you from both metaphorical darkness and actual darkness. I think you owe me a beer. TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS: --WHITMORE COLLEGE -- DORM ROOM-- (Damon, upset, kicks a wooden chair and breaks it.) Bonnie: Damon, stop. (He has a metal rod that he uses to break a flower vase on the mantle. He turns around and points at Bonnie with the metal rod.) Damon: You said you had a plan, Bonnie. Bonnie: I did. I had a traveler who knew the right spell. Damon: And you lost her! Bonnie: I didn't lose her. She was sucked into oblivion like everyone else on the Other Side. Damon: Then find another one! Bonnie: It's more than just knowing the spell. Markos was able to come back because dozens of Travelers were willing to sacrifice themselves in order to overwhelm me. I doubt they'll be willing to do that for a bunch of supernatural strangers. Damon: (pointing at her with the rod) You know who needs motivation? (he gets close to her with the rod pointing at her neck) You need motivation because if the Other Side goes away, everyone we know there, including you, goes away with it. Bonnie: I know that. Do you think I want to die? Damon: My brother is over there. Bonnie: I know that! (Damon lowers the rod and he throws it across the room.) Damon: So is Alaric, and so is your grams. Bonnie: I know that, Damon. (Enzo clears his throat.) Enzo: *ahem* Let's not forget who else is at the top of the search and rescue list. Bonnie: Enzo is here. (Damon turns around in the direction where Enzo is, though he cannot see him.) Damon: Well, if it's not Mr. Butterfingers himself. How'd it feel to have your only hope of coming back literally slip through your fingers? Enzo: Hello to you, too, grumpy pants. (to Bonnie) Tell him to play nice. I have a plan. Bonnie: (to Enzo) Are you serious? You found another Traveler? Damon: (in Enzo's direction) Well, then get on it! Enzo: I'm already on it, mate. You still need someone to do this coming back from the dead spell. I assume you still have a witch or two in your pocket Bonnie: More or less. --ON THE ROAD IN A CAR-- Liv: Oh great. Grandma just passed us. Luke: If you want to drive, just say so. Liv: No. I want you to drive, just at a speed more fitting for two people who just tried to commit murder. Luke: They are not following us. Markos stripped the town of spirit magic. There's now way they survived it. Liv: (looking straight ahead) Something tells me they did. (Luke sees Elena standing in the middle of the road at the last minute. He slams on the brakes and the tires squeal as the car comes to a full stop, just inches from hitting Elena, who looked un-amused. Elena stares at them wearing a smirk.) Luke: And I bet if I turn around... (He looks back and sees Caroline standing behind the car.) Liv: Using our own tricks against us. (she takes off her seat belt) Jerks. (She gets out of the car and walks towards Elena. Caroline walks towards the front of the car.) Elena: A little tip. If you're gonna flee the scene of the crime, take back roads. Liv: Do you really want to do this, again? Elena: You mean the part where you try to kill a doppelgänger? There's no point. Stefan's already dead. (Liv looks at Elena and then at Caroline. She sighs and looks back at Elena.) Liv: I know you don't believe me, but I *am* sorry. Elena: Good because you're gonna help bring him back. Liv: Look. I get what you need from us, but if both doppelgängers are alive again, the Travelers can restart their spell. Witch magic goes bye-bye, and all you vamps, you're goners. Elena: They're not gonna have a chance to start again because in order to bring Stefan back, we're gonna have to kill them, a lot of them, including Markos. Luke: We can't help you. Even if we wanted to, our coven would kill us. Caroline: Stefan saved your life. Luke: I know he did, but-- Liv: We can't risk it. (Caroline super-speeds and snaps Luke's neck, his body falling on the street.) Liv: No! Caroline: Your brother's officially on the Other Side. Think you can risk it now? --AT THE MYSTIC FALLS CITY LIMIT-- (Two men prop up Mystic Fall's city sign that reads 'Welcome to Mystic Falls, Virginia. Population 6,923. There are people (Travelers) on the street walking into Mystic Falls at the same time as a Sheriff car rides in the opposite direction. Markos stands on the road, hands behind his back, smiling. He turns around and faces the Sheriff.) Markos: It is a good day, Sheriff. Liz: Maybe for you. It took me all night to evacuate the 10-mile civilian radius around the Town Square. Markos: Hmm. Gas leak. Very clever. I appreciate your cooperation. Liz: It will keep our residents away for now but certainly not forever. Markos: I'm sure we can think of something if we put our heads together. (Liz notices the two men with shovels meddling with the city's sign.) Liz: Why did they move our sign? Markos: Our desire was to end spirit magic everywhere. As you can see, we hit a snag. Nevertheless, this is our home now, and just to keep things simple, we've reset the official border of Mystic Falls to where the spell begins, right there. Liz: Of all the small towns to call home, you probably shouldn't have picked one full of vampires. Markos: You think I'm afraid of vampires? Maybe you think your friend Damon or your daughter can come save the day. (they start walking) Let me give you an example of why that would be unwise. (A man opens the door to a black van. Another guy takes Tyler -- who is now Julian, the Traveler -- out of the van. He has chains on his hands. The guys hold Julian in front of Markos and Liz.) Liz: Tyler! Markos: Oh, that's not Tyler anymore. That's Julian, the Traveler who betrayed his people when he killed the dopplegänger and stopped the spell. A big, scary werewolf-vampire hybrid, and yet a little vervain, a touch of wolfsbane, and here you are -- weak and all mine. Julian: You think you're some great leader because you pillage a helpless town? That makes you king now? Sorry, your highness, but I don't buy it. Markos: That's because you haven't set foot inside my kingdom. (Julian looks at him confused; Markos turns around) The spell the Travelers cast across Mystic Falls eliminates spirit magic, so while my people continue to have access to the Earth's purest magic, (he turns to face Julian/Tyler again) your friend Tyler will be stripped of everything the witches did to him, first his hybrid side, then his vampirism, and with no vampirism to keep him alive, he'll just be a boy with a werewolf gene, who happened to break his neck. Julian: No, no! No! (the men holding him try to hold him tighter as Julian tries to break free) Don't do this! No! No! Stop. (they force Julian to cross the city limit) (Julian loses his vampirism, he blinks his eyes while he's in pain, showing his werewolf eyes and then they turn back to normal. Then, his fangs come out and then disappear. Julian gasps in pain as his skin starts to burn. His head moves to his left in a quick motion, breaking his neck. He falls to the ground. Liz looks terrified.) Liz: Oh, my God. --WHITMORE COLLEGE - DORM ROOM-- (Bonnie gasps in pain as Luke makes is way to the Other Side. Enzo looks from behind her.) Enzo: One less witch twin in the world. Bonnie: (now facing Enzo) No. One more person we need to bring back. Enzo: This list is getting uncomfortably long. Bonnie: Tell me about it, but with Liv doing the spell, not bring her brothe back would be just-- Enzo: Smart, savvy? Bonnie: Cruel. It would be cruel, but none of it matters if your mysterious Traveler doesn't show. Tyler: (off screen) Bonnie? Bonnie: (disconcerted, she looks behind her and sees Tyler) Tyler, is that you? Tyler: How the hell did I get here? Bonnie: You're dead, and you're you. Caroline was right. (they walk closer to each other) Dying eliminated your passenger. Tyler: Hang on. Did you say I'm dead? Bonnie: I did, but we can bring you back. Enzo: And the list keeps growing. Bonnie: I need you to trust me, OK? Tyler: Do I have a choice? (Bonnie extends her hand towards Tyler. He grabs her and Bonnie winces in pain as Tyler passes to the Other Side.) --WHITMORE COLLEGE -- CLASSROOM-- (Jeremy and Matt are in the front of the classroom. Damon walks towards them.) Damon: Class is in session. First assignment -- Anti-magic perimeter. Gilbert, what do you got? Jeremy: I walked around Mystic Falls this morning to see where my hunter instincts disappeared. Damon: Meaning what, your biceps shrunk, and your brain got smaller? Jeremy: Meaning that I have a supernatural urge to kill vampires, so wherever I hated you less, there was no magic. Damon: (they look down at a map of Mystic Falls, which has a big red circle drawn on it to determine the limits of the no-magic area) The cemetery's outside of the no-magic perimeter, a couple of un-populated areas other than that. Caroline: (on the phone, on speaker) Hey, Professor Salvatore, not everyone can see the map. Elena: (also on the phone) Yeah, don't forget about us. Damon: Donovan, you had one job. Matt: I'll send you a picture right now. (Matt takes a picture of the map with his phone and sends it to Elena. Back on the street, Elena receives the picture as Liv puts her brother's dead body in the car they were driving.) Elena: (into Caroline's phone) We should be there. Damon: Nope. You should not be. You are on witch duty because without crazy locks, no one's rising from the dead. So next order of business, mass murder. Quaterback? (Matt brings another set of maps.) Damon: Thank you. OK. We got these from the Sheriff. Apparently there was some truth to her evacuation story. There's a major gas line that runs underneath the town. Now if it did leak, it could be deadly, as in massive explosion kind of deadly. Matt: We can't blow up our hometown. Damon: Says one of the only people left in this group who can actually live there. Elena: We're not blowing up our town. We just need to lure enough Travelers to one spot. Caroline: How? We can't lure anyone anywhere stuck out here. Damon: And that's where your mama comes in. She will convince them to gather somewhere inside. Meanwhile, these two geniuses at 7:00 will turn on the gas, let it leak. We'll have about 10 minutes before anyone can smell it. You clear out. Boom! Travelers gone, resurrection spell starts, loved ones return. Good? Good? Class dismissed. --MYSTIC GRILL -- FROM THE OTHER SIDE-- Lexi: Huh. I thought for sure he'd be here. If you were a history teacher turned vampire, where else would you be? Stefan: You seem very intent on finding somebody you barely know. Lexi: Well, I have a thing for day drinkers. Plus he has a cute name. Alaric. Hmm. Stefan: (leaning on the bar and smiling) We'll find him. Lexi: (looking down at a plate of food on the bar) Seriously? This is what I ave to look forward to when I come back to life? All-you-can-eat potato skins? Stefan: Hmm. Lexi: Remind me again why you never made it to Portland. Stefan: I was attacked by Silas and locked in a safe to drown for 3 months. Lexi: Right, and then you made it out, and yet you're still here. Stefan: Lexi, either one of us could blink out of existence any second, so if you have something to say to me-- Lexi: Caroline. Stefan: What about Caroline? Lexi: Wow! You really don't see it, do you? Stefan: See what? (Sheriff Forbes and Markos walk into the Grill. Stefan and Liz listen.) Liz: Listen. I might not carry a lot of weight with you people, but I am still the Sheriff and I still represent the people who live here. Markos: Travelers haven't been able to gather together for centuries. The last thing they'll tolerate is a list if your ground rules. Liz: (looking around) What if there's an open bar? Stefan: (to Lexi) She's trying to gather the Travelers. They're planning something. --WHITMORE COLLEGE -- CLASSROOM (Jeremy's on the phone with Bonnie.) Jeremy: I should go with you. Bonnie: You need to go be a younger, hotter Bruce Willis, and if I take one step into Mystic Falls, good-bye magic, good-bye anchor, good-bye me. Jeremy: At least tell me how this works. Bonnie: Being an anchor is like being a gateway. Usually, it's one way, but when the Travelers die, Liv will do the spell, and her magic combined with all those Travelers opening the gate at once will allow the people on the Other Side to push their way through me like Markos did. Jeremy: (concerned) What about you? What happens? Bonnie: I stop being the anchor. Jeremy: Yeah, but how do you get through? Bonnie: (with teary eyes) Jeremy, I will be fine. Look. I got to go, OK? Be careful. (she hangs up.) Enzo: What is your plan exactly? Bonnie: My plan is my job.. just like the spell is yours, which apparently you suck at. Should already be on the road. (She starts walking away from Enzo) Stefan: I'm late, aren't I? My bad. I was watching some 80-year-old witch get dragged off to never, never land. It was uh-- weirdly entertaining. Bonnie: Stefan. Enzo: Not exactly. Bonnie, meet the Traveler with our one-way ticket out of here, although you may know him better as an ancient immortal with a desperate need of a cure. Bonnie: Oh, my God. Silas. You killed my dad. Silas: And now, I'm gonna help you bring your friends back to life and me along with them. So, what do you say? Bygones? -- ON THE OTHER-SIDE: AT MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL -- (Lexi and Stefan, both dead on the Other Side, search for Alaric before the spell begins) Stefan: Where the hell is Alaric? Lexi: I don't know. Maybe he finally found peace, although if he did, I'm going to be super pissed he beat me. Stefan: Well, why didn't you? I mean, if anyone was going to find peace, it should be you. Lexi: I don't know. Maybe there's something I'm still supposed to do. You know, like, earn my stripes. Stefan: All right. Let's make a deal. If all this fails and you and I are stuck over here, we're not going to let whatever's happening to all these people happen to us. We're going to find peace together. Lexi: A death peace pact? (Lexi takes a moment to mull over it and smiles at Stefan.) Lexi: I like it. (They start moving again.) Lexi: Come on. Let's go. I would hate for you to miss your come-back-to-life window before you even had your first date with Caroline. Stefan: Oh, shut it. -- IN A GRAVEYARD -- (Silas and Bonnie are all holed up in a mausoleum, as Silas teaches her the spell to bring them back from the other-side) Silas: Az vezat esvet. Bonnie (repeating the spell back to Silas): Az vezat esvat. Silas: (correcting her) Esvet, not -vat. I feel like I'm teaching calculus to an infant. Bonnie: I'm sorry. I'm a little nervous about unleashing a plague onto humanity. Silas: Ooh! I've been upgraded to a plague? Oh. How biblical and fitting, seeing as I probably will kill a lot of people in an epic, all-inclusive way once I'm out of here. (Bonnie gives him an angry, all-knowing look) Silas: Oh, speaking of, how is my shadow self? Is it a crime for someone so good-looking to be so sad all the time? Bonnie: Just teach me the damn spell. (From the land of the living, Elena and Liv enter the crypt to talk to Bonnie, unaware of Silas' presence.) Elena: Hey. Did you find a Traveler that's going to get us out of here? Bonnie: Yep. Learning the spell as we speak. I'd introduce you, but, um-- Elena: (speaking to no one in particular) Thank you, whoever you are. Silas: Oh. Just the perfect specimen of man, that's all. Bonnie: (sarcastically) Moody old lady. Kind of senile. (Elena picks up on the sarcasm) Elena: Got it. Well, I'm going to go call Damon, and let him know that we're ready. -- IN THE TUNNELS, UNDER MYSTIC FALLS -- (Matt and Jeremy scour the tunnels, looking for the gas pipe Damon outlined earlier, below Mystic Grill.) Matt: Can we talk about the irony in us blowing up the only place dumb enough to hire us? Jeremy: I'm sure the Salvatores will make a generous contribution to help fix it. Matt: Yeah, if they can come home. No one said killing the Travelers will get rid of this anti-magic thing, although Mystic Falls might be a half-decent place to live in again. No more vampire attacks, crazy blood rituals, you know? Safe like it use to be. Jeremy: Except I wouldn't be able to invite my girlfriend over. Matt: There are worse things than having to visit your girlfriend at college on the weekends, Jer. It's called "normal." (Jeremy and Matt enter an open enclosure within the tunnels. He compares the pipes to those illustrated on the maps.) Jeremy: We're here. -- ABOVE THE TUNNELS, IN MYSTIC GRILL -- (The Travelers are partying wildly above surface. All of them are drinking and listening to extremely loud music, while Liz looks down at her phone and views the time, before making her way outside.) Markos: (stepping in front of her) I warned you they probably wouldn't give you the chance to speak. Liz: Well, they don't seem to have a problem with the free food. (Liz goes to leave the Grill.) Markos: (blocking her from leaving) Where are you going? Liz: Well, I'm clearly not going to have much of an impact here, so I think it's time I take my own orders and evacuate. Markos: We're not lawless, you know. We could use someone like you, have a drink with me. Allow me to convince you that this can still be your home. Liz: My home is a place my daughter can come visit. Goodbye. (once again, Liz tries to leave, but Markos stops her) Markos: Please. I insist. -- IN THE WOODS -- (Elena and Damon meet up to discuss the status of the plan to blow up the Grill) Elena: So are you good? Damon: Operation massacre... assuming Donovan knows the difference between a water-main and a gas-main.. yeah, I'm good. (Damon hesitates) Damon: Listen.. I wanted to spare you the gory details, and then I figured, well, I'll be lying, and then the whole point of the universe would be moot because you'd be pissed. So here it is; project kaboom needs someone to trigger the explosion, so-to-speak.. Elena: Okay... wait.. you? No. Damon, no! Absolutely not. Damon (muttering to himself): Go with your first instinct Damon, lesson learned Elena: Look at me, Damon. (She grabs him by the face and forces him to look into her eyes) Elena: Do you see a future with me? Because that's all I see. Damon: Elena, I've seen it since the second I laid my eyes on you. Elena: Then don't go on a suicide mission! Damon: Listen.. technically, it's only half a suicide mission because we're going to be bringing people back from the other side and I'm going to be with them. Elena: Well, what if something goes wrong? Damon: Alright... not to relive old fights, but this is my choice. I need you to respect it. Elena: That was a low blow... . Damon: I will make it back to you, I promise. (They kiss, with the sunlight pouring through their hair) Damon: I promise you.. ACT 4: -- ON THE OTHER SIDE -- (As Bonnie, Silas and Liv remain in the Crypt, Enzo sits on a bench outside, on the other side) Enzo: Is everything all right in there? Bonnie: Yeah. We're good, but Silas is a crappy mentor, FYI. (Once Bonnie joins Enzo, the winds start to pick up and howl) Enzo: It's back. Silas (coming outside): She's ready. Let's get on with it. (Suddenly, the darkness grabs ahold of Enzo and he starts to get pulled away, but he slams into a tree. Silas goes after him, but he too starts to get swept away) Enzo (to Bonnie): Help me. (Bonnie rushes over to Enzo and grabs on to him. Enzo puts his back to the tree and holds tight to the tree and to Bonnie, while Bonnie reaches out to Silas, who she can't quite reach) Bonnie: Bygones. (She puts down her extended hand and Silas gets blown into oblivion. She smiles in satisfaction) -- IN THE REAL WORLD, IN THE CRYPT -- (Liv lights candles, preparing to start the spell. She blows out a candle and looks at the clock on her phone, which reads 6:59 pm) Liv starts chanting Luke (from the other side): You can do this, Liv. She starts chanting louder -- AT THE GRILL -- (The clocktower rings as it strikes 7 oclock. Jeremy and Matt break the gas-main below the grill) Matt: Alright. It's 7 o'clock on the dot. Let's go. (Jeremy turns another lever and gas starts spouting out. They pick up their tools and leave, as the gas circulates throughout the grill by a fan) -- ON THE OTHER SIDE -- (Bonnie stands over the graves of Emeila Bennet and Ernestine Bennet, her ancestors) Bonnie: Come on, Grams. Where are you? Sheila Bennet: Didn't I tell you not to rush your elders? We move a little slower. Bonnie: Thank god! I found us all a way out. Sheila Bennet: Do you think I was born yesterday? I know what you're doing. You can't survive all these people coming through you.. and even if you could, when it's all said and done, you're still the anchor, and when this places goes... Bonnie (interrupting her): I know what you're about to say.. Sheila Bennet: No you don't. I was going to say that it's been my privledge to watch you grow into the beautiful woman you've become. (Bonnie starts to cry, but she stops herself) Bonnie: You need to pass through me when the ritual begins. Sheila Bennet: No. I'm staying here. Bonnie: Grams.. You can't. This place is imploding and taking everyone with it. Sheila Bennet: I can't come, Bonnie. You're not the only member of this family that knows how to make a sacrafice. Bonnie: What does that mean? Sheila Bennet: It means that I'm going to be fine. I found peace because I made sure that you'll find yours. Bonnie: I don't understand... Sheila Bennet: Not your concern. Just know that I looked out for you. (Grams hugs Bonnie and they both cry) Sheila Bennet: I love you Bonnie. You stay strong. Bonnie: I love you. (As Grams turns and walks away, she heads in the direction of a bright, blinding orb standing in the distance) [SCENE_BREAK] -- AT MYSTIC GRILL -- (Markos and Liz share a drink at a table at Mystic Grill. Her phone starts buzzing and she rejects the call) Markos: Another phone call in five minutes.. Liz: What am I doing here? [SCENE_BREAK] Markos: You know, I was wondering the same thing. You evacuated the town, yet you stayed behind to lecture us on our civic duties? Liz: A captain goes down with his ship.. Markos: Or you're up to something. (Liz tries to change the subject) Liz: Do you smell gas? (For a moment, Markos looks very suspiciously at her, but he soon smells the gas as well. They go to investigate) Liz: I think there's a leak coming from the hatch. (When Marks removes a vent panel to take a look at it, Liz punches him to the ground. When he tries to fight her, she pistol whips him unconscious and picks up her phone and texts Damon, saying "They're here. Go now." Once she finishes, she breathes a sigh of relief and starts to leave, but Markos wakes up and grabs her by the leg) -- OUTSIDE MYSTIC FALLS -- (While waiting for the signal from Liz, Damon sits outside of the Town's city line and drinks a bottle of alchohol, until he gets confirmation from Liz that the plan is a go. He sits in the driver's seat of his car and proceeds to drive into town, but Elena gets in the passenger seat beside him) Damon: What the hell are you doing? Elena: You said to respect your choice and I did. Now, I need you to respect mine. Damon: Woah. No. No. That's not how this works, Elena. The second we cross the border, you're going to feel everything... you're going to drown all over again.. It's going to take you back to the night you died as a human. Elena: I know what I signed up for, Damon and I'm all in. (Damon hesitates and contemplates his next move) Elena: What are you staring at? Drive! (He turns the key in the ignition and enters Mystic Falls) (After crossing the border into Mystic Falls, Damon and Elena speed toward the grill) Elena: Hurry! We have to die while we're still vampires, or.. (Elena suddently starts choking on water) Damon (noticing the water): No! (Damon slams his foot down on the petal and starts driving more quickly) Damon (crying out in frustration when he isn't moving as quick as he'd like): Come on! (Elena looks over at Damon, clearly scared) Elena: Damon... Damon: I know.. (Damon takes Elena by the hand as they come up on the Grill. They brace themselves for impact, before their car crashes through the window at the grill. Soon after, the building explodes) -- IN THE CRYPT -- (As Liv does the spell, Luke stands over her and guides her through it from the other side) LIV CHANTS (The spell is clearly taking a toll on Liv, who starts coughing mid-sentence) Luke: Keep going. -- OUTSIDE THE CRYPT -- (Bonnie stands outside in the graveyard. Suddenly, dozens of travelers surround her, as they make their way to the other side) Markos: We meet again... We can do this all day, Bonnie. Your friends kill me and I come right back through you. I look forward to the deja vu. (Markos touches Bonnies and passes through her, as Liv continues the spell) Liv chants inside the crypt (After the last traveler passes through her, Elena comes running up to her) Elena: Bonnie! Bonnie: Elena! Did it work? Are you? Elena: Yes! Bonnie (in relief): Yeah? Elena: Did Damon? (Bonnie doesn't know what to say) Damon (from off-screen): I'm right here. Bonnie: Okay. When you guys pass through me, you're going to wake up with your bodies on the other side. I need you to get back here as fast as you can. Damon: Okay. (Damon and Elena both touch Bonnie's arm and they flash over to the charred-out remnants of Mystic Grill. Elena sees her body still in the car, burnt beyond recognition) Alaric: Did you seriously wear your seatbelt? Elena: Oh my god! Alaric, what are you doing he... Alaric: Come on. You gotta go. Elena: But what about Damon? I need to find him. Alaric: No, you need to go home to your brother. I'll find Damon. Elena: I can't! Alaric: Go on. Elena, get out of here. Go. Elena: Okay. (Elena finally leaves just as Damon's waking up. He surveys the room, which is in bad shape, and sees a quick look at his mutilated, badly-burnt body on the floor. Then he spots the Sherrif's foot) Damon: Liz! No. No. No. No (A burnt ceiling beam trapps her to the floor. He tries to lift it from her, but he struggles until Alaric shows up to help. Once they lift the beam, they move something underneath it to keep it from falling back down) Alaric: Friendly advice: When you finally get the girl, don't blow her up! Damon (laughing): Good to see you too, buddy. Alaric: Yeah (Suddenly, Liz wakes up and starts moaning in pain) Alaric: I think she's going to be okay. -- BACK IN THE CRYPT -- (From the other side, Luke sees that Liv is really struggling to keep the spell going. She has tears streaming down her face and blood falling from her nose) Luke: BONNIE! (He rushes outside to find her) Luke: Bonnie! Hey! It's too much for her. We need to start now! Stefan: No! We need to go together. Damon isn't here yet. Luke: I don't care. (Luke grabs ahold of Bonnie and passes through her, back to the land of the living.) -- BACK IN THE LIVING PLANE -- (Once returning from the other side, Luke runs over to Liv) Luke: Hey. (She smiles at him, but almost collapses soon after) Luke: You need to stop, now. Okay? If you keep going, it's going to kill you. Liv: No. I promised that I'd help them. LIV STARTS CHANTING AGAIN -- ON THE OTHER SIDE -- Bonnie (to Tyler): You need to come through. Tyler: What about everybody else? Enzo: You don't have to tell me twice. (Enzo grabs Bonnie by the shoulders and passes on through, appearing back in the mortal world, where he runs into Caroline) Enzo: Ahh! See you around, gorgeous. (Suddenly, Tyler appears from the other side) Caroline: Tyler? Tyler: Yeah! It's me. (They run into each other's arms and embrace) Tyler: Woah.. Caroline: What's wrong? Tyler: That felt different.. Caroline: What do you mean? (Tyler looks around for something to cut himself with. He picks up a pointed rock and slices himself across the hand with it) Caroline: You're not healing.. Tyler: I'm not a hybrid anymore. -- ON THE OTHER SIDE -- Bonnie: Come on guys, we don't have much time. Grab my hand! Lexi (to Stefan): Go. GO! Stefan: No. Lexi: You have to go! Come on! (Finally, Elena arrives back to the crypt) Elena: I can't find Damon! Stefan: You go. I'll wait here. Elena: No I'm not leaving without him! Stefan: This place is falling apart. Elena: No! (Suddenly, Bonnie grabs Elena and forces her to pass back through her) -- IN THE LIVING WORLD -- Caroline: Elena! Thank God! Elena: No! Bonnie! Why would you do that?! I can't leave without him! Bonnie: We'll find him! Caroline: Wait? What's going on? Who are we missing? Where's Stefan?! (Caroline's questioning ends when Bonnie starts coughing up blood) Elena: Are you okay? Caroline: Oh my god! Bonnie? (She almost falls to the ground, but from the other side, Stefan stops her fall, which forces him back over to the living plane) Stefan: No. No. No. Caroline: Stefan! Stefan: I was just trying... Caroline: What's wrong? Stefan: She fell.. I was just trying.. Caroline: What? Stefan: Damon.. he's not there yet. Elena (with tears welling up in her eyes): This is not happening. Bonnie: It's okay. I can do this. -- ON THE OTHER SIDE -- Lexi: Bonnie; This is killing you, isn't it? Bonnie: I can hold on. I have to. Just come through. We have to finish this! Markos (from off-screen): Not just yet! (Lexi lunges at Markos and kicks him down to the ground, where they trade punches. He's on top of Lexi, when she starts to smile. The darkness blows in and sucks Markos into oblivion) Bonnie: Lexi! Come on! It's you turn! Lexi: Every person that passes through takes you one step closer to death. What kind of a best friend would I be if you died before Stefan got his brother back? (Lexi stands back and holds her arms up at her side) Lexi: You're not going to get me. (Suddenly, Lexi is bathed in a warm white light and she disappears. In the living plane, Luke continues to watch as Liv recites the spell, with her health growing worse by the second) Damon (from off-screen): Bonnie! Bonnie: Thank god! (Alaric is with him. Bonnie grabs him by the arm and he disappears) -- IN THE LIVING PLANE -- Luke: Screw those guys. (Luke kisses Liv on the head and gets up) Luke: I won't let you die for them. (Luke says a spell) Luke: Fas matos veelo es mes (Suddenly, the candles in the crypt go out and Liv stops chanting) -- ON THE OTHER SIDE -- Damon: Where's Elena? Bonnie: She made it through. Damon: Okay. Bonnie: Come on (Bonnie grabs Damon, but nothing happens. She backs up and tries again, but still, nothing happens) Damon: Well, would you look at that.. (Elena enters the crypt and sees that the spell has stopped) Elena: Oh my god. Liv! (She looks around for Liv, but both she and Luke are gone) Elena: Bonnie! We need to find them. We need to start the spell again. Bonnie: We can't! That was our one shot. Elena: Yeah, but Damon is on the other side.. we have to.. Bonnie: ELENA... (Bonnie has a hard time containing her emotion) Bonnie: It's too late. Elena: No. (Elena starts to cry hysterically. Repeating "no" over and over again) Bonnie: He's here. You can say goodbye. (Bonnie leaves the crypt) -- OUTSIDE THE CRYPT -- (Stefan is sitting on a picnic table all alone, until Caroline comes to talk to him) Stefan: I lost them both.. Two people I've known longest in this world.. both gone. Caroline: Lexi? Stefan: She never came out. Neither did Markos. I know that's not a conicidence. It was, uh, her, unfinished buisness. and Damon.. uh.. he finally had everything he wanted. He was happy.. He should be here. (Stefan puts his head in between his legs and starts to cry. Caroline wraps her arms around him without saying a word) -- INSIDE THE CRYPT -- Elena (hysterically): You lied to me. (Damon goes over and stroke's Elena's hair and face. She feels it, but can not see his hand) Damon: Even if I wanted to apologize, you couldn't hear me.. so I won't. Elena: Please don't leave me. Damon: I don't have a choice, baby. You are, by far, the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my 173 years on this Earth. The fact that I get to die knowing that I was loved, not just by anyone, but you, Elena Gilbert. It's the epitome of a fulfilled life. It's never gonna get any better than this. I peaked. (Damon wipes the tears from her face) Damon: I love you, Elena Elena: Please.. please.. come back to me. Damon: Bye. -- LATER -- Bonnie (to Jeremy, on the phone): I lied. There was never any way for me to stop being the anchor. When the other side goes, I go with it. Jeremy: You told me you could come back. Bonnie: If I told you the truth, it would have changed our last days together and I didn't want it to change. We were happy. Jeremy: So none of it was true? (Bonnie has tears streaming down her face, but is too upset to say anything) Jeremy: Bonnie. Don't move! Okay, I-Im coming to you. Bonnie: I died Jer, the day before graduation. And the rest of this has been a gift. I choose to be thankful that I didn't waste a second of it. So, take care of Elena. Jeremy: No! NO! Don't you dare hang up on me. Bonnie (whispering): I love you Jeremy: Bonnie. Don't you dare. (Bonnie hangs the phone up, leaving Jeremy upset) Matt: The main-gas line is off Jer.. Jer.. Jeremy: I need to get to Bonnie. (Elena is huddled up in the crypt crying, when Alaric puts his hand on her shoulder. She turns around, for a split second thinking it's Damon, and looks at him) Elena: He's gone... (Alaric doesn't know what to say, so he just hugs her.. They remain entangled for a moment, until they hear Jeremy screaming Bonnie's name) Jeremy: Bonnie! Bonnie! (Jeremy runs through the woods, screaming her name over and over again, while Elena, Alaric and the rest of the group try to sort out what's going on) Tyler: What's going on? Jeremy: Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! (He sees Bonnie standing across the graveyard, but before he can reach her, the other side's disintegration comes to a head) Damon: This place is going down, isn't it? (Huge holes of light poke through to the other side, while the winds blow all around them) Bonnie: It is. I'm sure there are a million people we'd rather be with right now, but... (Bonnie takes Damon's hand and they entangle) Damon (joking): A couple thousand, at most. (Now, a huge orb of light rips through the tree-tops) Bonnie: Do you think it'll hurt? (The fabric of reality itself starts to shatter, leaving nothing but light) Damon: I don't kn-- (Before Damon can finish his sentence, the light engulfs them both)
Plan: A: oblivion; Q: Where is the only traveler who would be willing to help them sucked into? A: Damon; Q: Who says goodbye to Elena? A: Bonnie; Q: Who is unable to save Damon? A: a new plan; Q: What do Elena, Damon, Caroline, and Bonnie form to bring Stefan back? A: Liv; Q: Who chants a resurrection spell after her brother has his neck snapped by Caroline? A: Jeremy; Q: Who does Bonnie tell that there was never a way to save her? A: a gas leak; Q: What did Matt and Jeremy cause under the Mystic Grill? A: Bonnie and Enzo search; Q: Who searches for a dead traveler who resides on the other side? A: Silas; Q: Who is the traveler Bonnie and Enzo find? A: more souls; Q: What does oblivion start claiming? A: an explosion; Q: What did Damon and Elena cause to kill everyone in the Mystic Grill? A: Bonnie waits; Q: What does Bonnie do in the woods after her Grams tells her that she will not pass through her? A: peace; Q: What does Lexi find after stopping Markos from travelling back through Bonnie? A: Luke; Q: Who tries to convince Liv to stop casting the spell? A: Tyler; Q: Who realizes that he is no longer a hybrid or triggered werewolf? A: Lexi; Q: Who realizes that each passing weakens Bonnie further? A: Alaric; Q: Who does Bonnie pull back through while Luke performs a spell that counters Liv's spell? A: Alaric and Damon arrive; Q: Who does Bonnie pull back through? A: a spell; Q: What does Luke perform that counters Liv's spell? A: a bright white light holding hands; Q: What do Bonnie and Damon stand looking into? Summary: After the only traveler who would be willing to help them is sucked into oblivion, and with her the only chance of bringing Stefan back, Damon, Elena, Enzo, Bonnie and Caroline form a new plan for bringing back Stefan. Liv chants a resurrection spell after her brother has his neck snapped by Caroline, and meanwhile, Matt and Jeremy cause a gas leak under the Mystic Grill. Bonnie and Enzo search for a dead traveler who resides on the other side, who turns out to be Silas. In order to bring back Stefan and Enzo, Bonnie agrees to help Silas to also return. Just as the plan comes together, oblivion starts claiming more souls, and Bonnie refuses to help Silas not be sucked away, meanwhile Damon and Elena drive into the Mystic Grill, causing an explosion, killing every traveler gathered there. Bonnie waits in the woods for her Grams, who arrives and informs her that she will not pass through her as she has found peace by ensuring that Bonnie will find hers. Later, after Luke, Enzo, Tyler, Stefan and Elena have passed back through to the living, Luke tries to convince Liv to stop casting the spell. Tyler realizes that he is no longer a hybrid nor a triggered werewolf as he no longer heals. Lexi realizes that each passing weakens Bonnie further, reducing her chances of surviving to take Damon back to the living world and so after stopping Markos from travelling back through Bonnie, she disappears and finds peace. Alaric and Damon arrive and Bonnie pulls Alaric back through while Luke begins to perform a spell that counters Liv's spell, thus when Bonnie tries to help Damon though, she is unable to return him to the realm of the living. Bonnie reveals to Jeremy that there was never a way to save her and Damon says goodbye to Elena despite her not being able to hear him. Bonnie and Damon then stand looking into a bright white light holding hands.
AT TV BROADCAST Rachel : It's gonna be a good show. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Jamie? Jamie : Moving to Spain is bullsh... AT ALEX'S APPARTMENT Julian : Alex? Alex! Alex! AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Skills : I got the job. Lauren : In Los Angeles. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : First of all, we do not use that kind of language ever. And second of all, Spain is not gonna be... Caca del toro. It is gonna be an adventure and a learning experience. Do you understand me, son? Jamie : Forgiveness is love, you know? Nathan : What did I do? Haley : He's quoting your father now. It's unbelievable. Nathan : Come on. Give it up. Jamie : Ugh. That's gross. Aah! Nathan : Yeah. You sorry? Jamie : I guess. I just wanted you to play for the Bobcats again. Nathan : I know, Buddy. I'll tell you what. You know what I do when I'm having a bad day? Jamie : What? Nathan : Go to the bar. Let's go. Jamie : Sweet. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : It's open. Quinn : Hey. Clay : Hey. Quinn : I tried calling you. It went straight to voicemail. Clay : Yeah. I, uh, kind of threw my phone in the pool. Quinn : I went by your office. I thought maybe your assistant could help you somehow. Clay : It's okay. Quinn : No, it's not okay. It sucks... turtle eggs. Clay : Turtle eggs? Really? Quinn : I don't know. It sucks something. Anyway, she wanted me to tell you that, I guess, somebody got sick, and it's really serious. Joe Turner's mom. Clay : What? Quinn : Okay. I don't understand. Tell me again what's happening. Clay : Joe Turner's mom is sick. Quinn : Okay, not so good for Joe Turner's mom, but what does that mean? Clay : It means you did it. I mean, well, you haven't yet, but there's hope. Quinn : Awesome. For what? Clay : Okay, Joe Turner is a center for the Sacramento Kings, and he's from a little town near Raleigh. Quinn : Got it. I still don't get it. Clay : Okay, just get in. You will. Quinn : Great. Where are we going? Clay : To a little town outside of Raleigh... And to buy me a new blackberry. Hey, by the way, thanks for this. Quinn : You're welcome. I have no idea what the hell is going on. AT TRIC Nathan : Grubbs. How you doing, man? I want you to meet my son. I mean, my old college roommate, Jamie. Grubbs : How old are you, Jamie? Nathan : 24, right, Jame? Jamie : Yep. I was 23 but I had a birthday. Grubbs : Uh-huh. And, uh, when was this birthday? Jamie : June. Maybe. It changes sometimes. Grubbs : It's good enough for me. Welcome to Tric. Nathan : Jamie, Grubbs has this gift where he can guess what everybody likes to drink. What do you say, Grubbs? Nathan : Whiskey... For your roommate. And for you... Beer. Root beer. Ice cold. Two cherries. Jamie : Awesome. That's totally what I wanted. Grubbs : Cheers. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Skills : Yes, sir. I can be there on Monday. Thank you so much. Okay. Bye. They want me to start on Monday. Lauren : I know. I heard. Well, for what it's worth, I think that you are gonna do great. Skills : You know I love you. Lauren : I love you, too. It's just... You never asked me to go with you, and that kind of hurt. Skills : So you'd have gone with me? 'Cause, baby, if you want to go... Come to Los Angeles with me. Will you? Lauren : No. Skills : Wait, but you just said that... Lauren : No, I know. I can't. But it's nice to be asked. AT THE HOSPITAL Alex : Hi. Julian : Hi. Alex : I can't believe I made it into heaven. Julian : I can't believe you put me through hell. I found you at your place. You called me. Alex : You came. Julian : Of course I came. Alex : That's what she said. Julian : You're lucky, you know that? You could've died, and there's nothing special or romantic about that. You would have just been gone. Alex : You said... Nobody wanted me. Julian : Well, I was wrong. That's what I was coming over to tell you, because... we got the financing for the movie. So you need to get better because we're not gonna make it with anyone else. It's okay. Rest. I'll be here. AT TRIC Jamie : I don't know, Grubbs. It's like one day you're in school, and your world makes sense... friends, classes, recess. The next day... Spain. Bet they don't even have recess in Spain. Miranda : Siesta. They have siesta. Haley packed for her tour yet? Nathan : We're still dealing with Spain. Miranda : What's that? Grubbs : Champagne. Miranda : I didn't order... Grubbs : I know. It's just, uh, kind of a gift I have. Miranda : I don't drink champagne. Grubbs : Right. Uh, I meant, uh, White... White wine. Miranda : Dear God, no. Two fingers of whiskey, neat. Off you go. So, moving to Spain, huh? Jamie : Oh, yeah. I bet it's gonna suck. Miranda : Oh, I don't know about that, what with all the child labor... Oh, and the fact that they eat children as a delicacy. That was a joke. It's a wonderful place, Spain. You'll see. Grubbs : I, um... I didn't know which kind you wanted, so... Could you... I just... I didn't know. Jamie : So what's so great about it? You said Spain was a wonderful place, so what's so great about it? Miranda : Hmm. La Tomatina. AT THE HOSPITAL Clay : Hi, Joe. Clay Evans. I'm an agent with ISC. Joe : We got the flowers. Thanks. Clay : Well, uh, actually I'm not with ISC anymore. They fired me. Joe : Tough break. Clay : Yeah. Those seem to be going around. How's your mom? Joe : She has cancer. Clay : I'm sorry. Joe : They say she has less than a year. I don't know what I'm gonna do. That's my moms, man. She's all I got. You ever lose anyone close to you? Clay : Yeah. Joe : How do you deal with that, man? What do you do? Clay : You remember the good things... And the days that you did have. Joe, would it help you if you could play closer to home next season? IN THE ROOM Millicent : I stole a dress from Brooke... an expensive one. Mouth : Of all the people to steal from, Brooke is the one who trusted you and helped you the most. Millicent : You got to talk to her. Mouth : The truth. I remember looking in that mirror and telling you how special you are. How can you not see that? Millicent : Marvin, when I look at that mirror, I just want to cut a line on it and snort it. That's what I see. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Victoria : We have no further comment at this time. How's she doing? Brooke : She's gonna be okay... as okay as anyone can be after a suicide attempt. Victoria : Uh, exhaustion. Brooke : What? Victoria : To the press. They don't know that you fired her, so we say it's exhaustion, they speculate, sell magazines... everybody's happy. Brooke : Except Alex. I don't know, mom. She's a mess. Millie got arrested. I'm fighting with Julian. At least it can't get any worse. Victoria : Oh, I wouldn't say that. Brooke : Where's the red dress? Victoria : That's a good question. And the answer is... Millicent stole it. Brooke : Why would she steal from us? Victoria : You should ask her that. AT THE HOSPITAL Julian : I'm mad at you. You know what happens when you die, Alex? You're dead. That's what happens. ON THE ROAD Clay : I was talking about pens. The last thing I said to Sara before she died. She went to grab a drink, and I was babbling about the pen I was using. And then she was gone. Sometimes I think that we waste our words and we waste our moments and we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance. Quinn : Sara knew you loved her. You told me you held her and you danced with her before she died, and... I couldn't think of a better way to say goodbye. AT TV BROADCAST Dan : How do you say goodbye? I know what some of you are thinking. That this is wrong. That it's cruel and insensitive and malicious towards the families and memories of James Edwards and Keith Scott. Well, it is. There's a speech I'm supposed to read, but I'm not going to... because this is my final show. And up until this moment, nobody knew that. So, as I stand before you, live, it's time to tell the truth. About me. About you. About life. So you might want to stick around... because, by the look on my wife's face, there's gonna be a few surprises. After this. ON THE ROAD Clay : Hey, you guys were really close to signing Derek McDaniel, right? Right, I thought so. Well, what if I told you I could get him for you? You know the Bobcats desperately need a center, and you know Joe's situation. I think I've got a way to make it work. IN THE GYMNASIUM Clay : I can't get inside. I know he's here. That's his car. Quinn : You mean the one that says "Bobcats G.M." on the license plate? You're good. Clay : Yeah. You're funny. And anyway, I'm not that good. He won't even take my calls, and without his okay, I can't get inside to see him. Unless... Quinn : You so owe me. Clay : I do. I do owe you. IN A PLACE Nathan : Oh, nice one. Jamie, move around this time. Give us a moving target. Haley : Whoa! What is going on here? Jamie : La tomatina. It's a tomato fight in Spain. Haley : You said you needed tomatoes for spaghetti sauce. What kind of grown men stand around and throw tomatoes at a 7-year-old? Nathan : You want to throw one, don't you? Haley : Yes, I do. Oh! Nathan : It's so on. Haley : Aah! Take cover, Jamie! IN THE GYMNASIUM Clay : Hi, gene. Gene : I thought they fired you. Clay : They did. Gene : Well, you're tenacious. I'll give you that. Impress me. Clay : What if I told you I could get a proven big man that's about to become an all-star to waive his no-trade clause because he wants to come play for the Bobcats? Gene : I'd say you're too late, Clay. Clay : Joe Turner's mom is sick. Gene : Joe Turner. Clay : She has cancer. They say she has a year. Joe wants to play close to home next season. I think he'd make a great long-term deal in order to do that. You guys wanted him during the draft, gene. Gene : Joe Turner's a great player. But you know we signed Derek McDaniel. Clay : And you wanted a center... Which brings me to this. How do you feel about trading Derek McDaniel? Girl : You're next. Go. Clay : Sacramento's already agreed to a sign-and-trade. They finally get McDaniel, you guys get Turner, and... Gene : Hold on. What the hell is that? Clay : Wow. Yeah! Whoo! Sucks to be next! AT TV BROADCAST Dan : We all fail. Some of us have the fortitude to pick ourselves up, and some of us will never have that. Some of us have Grace in our hearts and the ability to show compassion. And some of us don't. I'm a wealthy man, but let's face it... you shouldn't be able to murder someone in cold blood and profit from it. So as of this moment, I'm giving it all back. All of it. To charities and non-profits... and the people who deserve it... because I don't. Now it's time for me to go. AT TRIC Haley : I'm gonna miss this place. My first big show was right here. I like the bathrooms, too. I'm gonna miss it. Nathan : I'll miss the stadiums. There's nothing like an NBA arena on a game night. Boston. Madison Square garden. I'll miss that. Haley : What are you gonna miss, Jame? Jamie : Grandpa Dan. AT TV BROADCAST Dan : I've talked a lot about forgiveness. As you can imagine, a man like me has to believe in it. But I don't. Forgiveness doesn't exist. There's simply what you do... and how you pay for it. So remember that when you practice whatever evil's in your heart... or when you cheat or steal or lust or hate or gossip or covet or whatever it is that you do or you're planning to do or you have done. There is no forgiveness. There's just what comes next. Take it from someone who's been there, who is there. There's only pain... and guilt... and the misery of knowing who you are and what you did. So don't do it. Just stop... before it's too late. I miss you, big brother. Every second of every day. It's there. And that's all there is. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : You ready to sign some contracts, Jameson? They'll be here soon. Jamie : I guess. Nathan : I know that playing overseas isn't what you hoped for, son. Jamie : I just liked it when you played for the Bobcats. Nathan : Yeah, I did, too. But my agents did the best they could. Jamie : So did Clay, but you fired him. ON THE ROAD Quinn : What are you thinking? Clay : You know how you're afraid of the ocean? And the reason you gave me? Quinn : Immensity... because it's so immense. Clay : Well, I was thinking... the ocean's not so immense. Life is immense. But we bravely go into it every day... Just like you did today. Quinn : You know, I might need an agent if I make the squad. Clay : You're a terrible dancer. Quinn : That's not fair. Clay : It's a turn-on, actually. Quinn : Oh, yeah. Clay : It worked for me for some reason. AT THE HOSPITAL Brooke : This all seems pretty selfish. You go out and walk these halls, and you will see people fighting for another day of life. Another hour. Another minute. I don't know, Alex. This all feels pretty selfish to me. Is she gonna be okay? She's gonna live. It's debatable with you. Millicent : I'm sorry. I said terrible things to Alex and I stole the dress from you and I'm just sorry. Brooke : Why, Millie? What happened to you? Millicent : I was trying to lose weight... And I was trying to look like the other girls, and it was just there in Alex's closet, and... Brooke : Drugs. Cocaïne. Okay. You're not my model anymore. But you're still my friend. Just go get some help. IN A ROOM Mouth : I'm proud of you for getting help, Millie. I wish there was more I could do. Maybe I could stay. Millicent : You can't. I have to do it alone. But we were pretty good together, huh? We were great together. Mouth : It's just... Millicent : Sometimes, people don't make it. I'm gonna miss you. Mouth : Me too. I will always be there for you, sweet girl. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Julian : That's not a very good shooting percentage. Hi. Brooke : Hi. Julian : I came here to tell you two things. The first is that I love you and I miss you and I want to be with you. And the second is... I'm gonna make that movie with Alex. Brooke : When did you meet Peyton? Julian : In L.A. You know that. Brooke : No. Specifically, the moment you met her. Julian : She had just broken up with Lucas, and she was crying in the copy room of a record label. Brooke : And when did we start being us? Julian : You needed help with Sam. Brooke : And now Alex. Julian : My mom used to be the most amazing woman. She had this magic inside her. And after a while, she felt unloved or unworthy. I don't know. My dad was always working, and I was just a kid. I was always gone, just doing whatever kids do. No one reminded her how special she was. No one tried to stop her when she took that extra drink or those extra pills. And... Eventually, her fire burned out. And she became the not-so-special person she thought she was all along. Brooke : Julian, you can't fix your mom by fixing Alex. Julian : I know, but maybe I can help her before her fire burns out. And if not... at least I tried. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Ken : Today is a good day. Nathan, you're about to be $7 million wealthier. And we couldn't be happier. Jamie : Uncle Clay. Clay : What's up, Buddy? Oh, man, I missed you. Not as much as your aunt Quinn missed you. Ken : Something we can do for you, Clay? Clay : You? No. But there is something I can do for Nathan. Ken : We don't have time for this. Nathan : Sure we do. Clay : Nate, I never said this to you or Haley, but I was aggressive and arrogant negotiating your deal, and along the way, I forgot that I work for you. And the client comes first. Now, it sounds like my former agency got you a pretty good deal to play overseas, but I always thought of you as an NBA player. And that was always the dream. Right, Jamie? Jamie : Right. 'Cause Spain is caca del toro. Clay : So this morning, I negotiated you a deal to live that dream... in the NBA... with the Sacramento Kings. Ken : Nathan, we have a good deal here. Clay : That's true. You know, $7 million is a good deal to play overseas. Or you could take $15 million from the Kings. Now, the deal does come with a few conditions. Three, actually. One, you have to leave ISC and sign with me. You'll be my second client. Two, your deal comes with a no-trade clause. Gonna need you to waive that... Because if you sign with the Kings... Quinn : they've agreed to trade you and Joe Turner tonight! I'm sorry. I love that part. Clay : They've agreed to trade you and Joe Turner... to the Charlotte Bobcats. Haley : What? Oh, my God! Thank you Jamie : Oh, my... you're gonna be a Bobcat! Oh, I threw my jersey away. Nathan : Clay, how did this happen? Clay : With a lot of help from Quinn... Which brings me to my last condition. I want to be your agent, Nate, but if you're gonna sign with me, you need to know that I plan on falling completely and insanely in love with Quinn. All right. I got to go to work. IN A ROOM Skills : I got to go. Lauren : Yeah. Skills : This doesn't mean that I don't love you. Lauren : It's okay. Skills : 'Cause I do love you, Lauren... And I always will. Lauren : I love you, too. IN THE OFFICE Rachel : So you're telling me there's nothing left. Man : He gave it all away. He did leave you this. Rachel : Divorce papers. Well, that's gonna cost him. Man : Cost him what? There's nothing left. IN THE STREET Dan : Nathan. Nathan : I heard about the show. I'm gonna re-sign with the Bobcats. Well, thank you for helping me get there. Your grandson wants to say goodbye. Jamie : Are you leaving, grandpa Dan? Dan : I have to. Jamie : Why? Dan : I've done a lot of bad things, Jamie. And I'm sorry. Jamie : It's okay. I forgive you. IN FRONT OF PRESS Reporter : Can you guys tell us how this all happened so fast? Nathan : Well... We have a really, really good agent. ON THE SEA Quinn : Hey! What are you doing? Clay : Facing the immensity, I guess. I'll come in. Quinn : No. I'll come out. Did you mean what you said? About falling in love with me? Clay : Insanely in love. Yeah. AT THE HOSPITAL Alex : I'm sorry. Julian : I know. But I need you to understand something. If you ever try this again... I'll never forgive you. I won't miss you. I won't think of you at all. So promise me you won't. Alex : I promise. Julian : Okay. Let's make our movie. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : I'm sorry. We're closed. Alexander : I know. I'm Alexander Coyne. I guess Victoria didn't tell you. She hired me for your men's line. I'm your new designer.
Plan: A: Quinn; Q: Who helps Clay form a plan to convince Nathan to rehire him? A: Tree Hill; Q: What is Nathan and Haley leaving behind? A: Barcelona; Q: Where are Nathan and Haley moving to? A: Brooke; Q: Who struggles to accept Julian's reaction to Alex's crisis? A: Julian; Q: Who does Brooke struggle to accept when Alex undergoes another crisis? A: Millie's downward spiral; Q: What threatens Millie's relationship with Mouth? A: Dan; Q: Who makes an announcement that shocks Rachel and his studio audience? A: Matthew Ryan; Q: What artist is the episode named after? Summary: Quinn helps Clay form a plan to convince Nathan to rehire him, but they may be too late as Nathan and Haley prepare to leave Tree Hill behind in their move to Barcelona. Brooke struggles to accept Julian's reaction when Alex undergoes another crisis. Meanwhile, Millie's downward spiral threatens her relationship with Mouth, and Dan makes an announcement that shocks Rachel and his studio audience. This episode is named after a song by Matthew Ryan .
THE WEB OF FEAR by MERVYN HAISMAN and HENRY LINCOLN first broadcast - 9th March 1968 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. LABORATORY (As ARNOLD and EVANS leave the laboratory, the far wall disintegrates, giving way to a mass of glowing fungus which floods unhindered into the Fortress.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. TUNNEL ENTRANCE (ARNOLD and EVANS run from the Fortress into the tunnels and pause for breath.) EVANS: What are we going to do now, Staff? ARNOLD: The main door should keep the fungus out of the tunnels for a bit. We must warn the others that HQ's had it. EVANS: Right. ARNOLD: Well, come on, then. EVANS: Oh, oh no, not me. ARNOLD: You're not disobeying an order, are you, Evans? EVANS: Now look here, Staff. If we go up there, and this stuff breaks out, we'll be trapped! ARNOLD: Now look, lad, you're scared, that's understandable. But you've been in the Army long enough to know that orders is orders. There's four people up there. If we don't warn them, they're for the chop. EVANS: So? Four of them's getting the chop - there's no reason to make it six, is there? (ARNOLD loses his patience.) ARNOLD: I've had enough of your lip for one day. Now come on! Follow me. (He sets off up the tunnel; as he goes, EVANS turns and bolts in the opposite direction. ARNOLD shouts after him.) ARNOLD: Evans! Come back here! EVANS: Not on your nelly! Cheerio, Staff! (EVANS disappears into the darkness, leaving ARNOLD shouting after him.) ARNOLD: Right, lad - I'll get you for this! [SCENE_BREAK] 3. TUNNEL (The DOCTOR and ANNE walk through another section of the tunnels, followed by a bleeping YETI. The DOCTOR is carrying the small control box. He stops and turns to face ANNE.) DOCTOR: Anne... (The YETI carries on going, brushing straight past them.) ANNE: Hey! DOCTOR: Stop! Come back here! (The YETI obeys.) DOCTOR: Stop! Anne, I've been thinking. Until we know who else is working for the Intelligence, everyone must be suspect. ANNE: Yes? DOCTOR: Well, the fewer people who know this chap's on our side, the better. ANNE: Yes... yes, and whoever is the Intelligence is bound to know that you're controlling this Yeti. DOCTOR: Mmm... I know. (He clears his throat theatrically and turns to the YETI.) DOCTOR: You are to remain here for... (To ANNE.) Do you think a minute will be enough? ANNE: What for? DOCTOR: For us to get clear. ANNE: Perhaps. DOCTOR: (To YETI.) You are to remain here for ninety seconds, and then resume acting on orders from the Intelligence until you are told otherwise. Is that understood? (The YETI roars in confirmation.) DOCTOR: Right. Switch off, for ninety seconds, starting from... now. (The bleeping stops, and the YETI stands lifeless.) DOCTOR: Come on, Anne. (They run off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. TUNNEL (JAMIE and the COLONEL see two figures in the distance. Approaching, JAMIE recognises them as the DOCTOR and ANNE.) JAMIE: It is them! Come on! (He moves forward to meet them.) JAMIE: Am I glad to see you! There's fungus at Warren Street. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. JAMIE: Oh. What are you doing down here, anyway? DOCTOR: Well, as a matter of fact... (He notices ANNE giving him a warning glance as the COLONEL comes to join them.) DOCTOR: I'll tell you another time. (He speaks up.) Hello, Colonel. COLONEL: Glad to see you're both safe. Any luck with your gadgets? ANNE: No. No, I'm afraid not. COLONEL: Pity. DOCTOR: Any news of Victoria? JAMIE: Yes, she's at Piccadilly Station. DOCTOR: Piccadilly? ANNE: Is my father there too? JAMIE: Aye, he's with her. DOCTOR: Are they alright? COLONEL: Yes. DOCTOR: (Suspiciously.) How do you know? COLONEL: Ran across Arnold - he saw them. DOCTOR: Arnold? ANNE: Arnold! But Evans said - the fungus... COLONEL: Yes, he went into it, alright, but he came out again somehow. Says he can't remember what happened. DOCTOR: Well we haven't got any time to find out. ANNE: No, time's nearly up. COLONEL: Yes, your twenty minutes. (The DOCTOR and ANNE murmur their agreement.) COLONEL: Well come on, then. (He sets off with JAMIE; the DOCTOR and ANNE lag behind and talk quietly.) ANNE: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: We can't do anything until we get back to Headquarters, and... then, if we've got time, we'll try and increase the range of the control units. Come on! (They hurry to catch up.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. TUNNEL (The DOCTOR's YETI starts bleeping, and is soon joined by two others. The group move off towards the distant sounds of human footsteps.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. TUNNEL (The COLONEL stops and listens.) DOCTOR: What is it, Colonel? COLONEL: Something up ahead. ANNE: We can't go back! COLONEL: What, fungus, you mean? ANNE: Yes. (A voice is suddenly heard from the darkness ahead... it has an unmistakable gruff Yorkshire accent.) ARNOLD: (OOV.) Is that you, Colonel? (The COLONEL relaxes.) COLONEL: It's Arnold. (Shouts.) Hang on, Staff! JAMIE: Why isn't he in HQ? (The group go to meet ARNOLD, who salutes the COLONEL.) ARNOLD: Sir - the fungus. It's swamped HQ. JAMIE: No! ARNOLD: I'm afraid so, sir. The main doors should keep it out of the tunnels for a bit, but... COLONEL: Where's Evans? ARNOLD: Scarpered, sir. (As he speaks, two savage roars are heard, and the giant forms of two YETI appear behind the group. They roar repeatedly as they surround the humans.) ARNOLD: Our time's up! We're all together - they've come to fetch us! [SCENE_BREAK] 7. TUNNEL (In another part of the tunnels, EVANS hides in an alcove as a bleeping noise approaches. He watches as a YETI lumbers past, and cautiously emerges from his hiding place as it heads off. He fails to see or hear the second YETI waiting right behind him. It looks at him and roars a warning.) EVANS: H... hello! If you... if you're looking for your friend, he went that way... (The first YETI returns.) EVANS: Look, you don't want me!... I'm not one of them, see?... Driver, that's what I am... shouldn't be down here at all, really... (He flinches as the two YETI reach out and grab his arms.) EVANS: Hey, steady on! (The YETI lift him off the ground and head off down the tunnel, carrying the helpless soldier between them.) EVANS: Oh, going for a walk, are we? There's lovely. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. TUNNEL (Two YETI escort the COLONEL, ARNOLD, the DOCTOR, JAMIE and ANNE through the tunnels. They come to a junction, and the YETI roar to them to stop. They bleep out a signal. ARNOLD takes the opportunity to whisper to the COLONEL.) ARNOLD: I'm going to make a break for it, sir. COLONEL: Think you can? ARNOLD: Well, it's worth a try. On the loose, sir, I might be able to do something. If only you could distract them, sir. COLONEL: Right, Staff. (The YETI roar again, and begin herding them down one of the turnings.) ARNOLD: I think it wants us to go on, sir. COLONEL: Right. Here we go. (He begins to move on, then stumbles with a yell into the DOCTOR, knocking him over. The DOCTOR also cries out in surprise. One of the YETI roars threateningly, and JAMIE steps in.) JAMIE: Wait!... Can't you see, he's fallen over! (He helps the DOCTOR to his feet.) JAMIE: Be careful, be careful! (In the confusion, ARNOLD manages to slip away unnoticed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. TICKET HALL, PICCADILLY CIRCUS STATION (Two YETI lead TRAVERS and VICTORIA into the deserted ticket hall of the station. The large room is dimly lit by lights in the ceiling.) VICTORIA: Where are we being taken, Professor? TRAVERS: Oh, to meet the Intelligence, I suppose. (They move on. In the middle of the chamber is a large triangular pyramid structure, about 10 feet tall. The outside is made of a transparent material, like glass; there is an entrance in one of the walls, and a seat inside. VICTORIA recalls the pyramid that housed the INTELLIGENCE in Tibet.) VICTORIA: A pyramid! TRAVERS: Yes - but it's different! We... we've never seen one like this before. It's fascinating! This must be the machine that the Intelligence intends using on the Doctor. (His scientific curiosity getting the better of him, TRAVERS moves closer to examine the pyramid. One of the YETI guards roars to warn him away.) VICTORIA: Oh, no no. No, I shouldn't if I was you. TRAVERS: Yes, I think perhaps you're right. (VICTORIA's attention is caught by the shadows near the exit to the platform area. She quietly speaks to TRAVERS.) VICTORIA: There's someone there... TRAVERS: What? VICTORIA: There! TRAVERS: Who's that? Who is it? D'you see who it was? VICTORIA: No. Do you think it could have been... TRAVERS: The Intelligence? (Grunts.) If only we could do something! VICTORIA: I'm sure the Doctor will think of something. TRAVERS: No, not this time, Victoria. The Doctor would never risk the chance of the Intelligence harming you. VICTORIA: You mean he'll just give in? TRAVERS: Yes, I'm afraid so. Afraid there's no alternative. (The grating disembodied voice of the INTELLIGENCE rasps out, echoing eerily throughout the large hall.) INTELLIGENCE: Yes, you're right, Professor. He has no alternative. I am sorry not to be here to welcome you personally, but I am sure you will not be offended. After all, the guest of honour is the Doctor - he, I am sure, will cooperate, as I advise you to do. Any attempt to interfere would be pointless. My Yeti can destroy you so easily. (TRAVERS is distraught at his helplessness.) TRAVERS: It's all my fault! If I hadn't tampered with that sphere - people killed, London invaded, all because of my wretched curiosity! VICTORIA: Don't blame yourself, Professor. TRAVERS: Why not? I... I've sacrificed you all! And for what? [SCENE_BREAK] 10. PLATFORM, PICCADILLY CIRCUS STATION (Three YETI hold the DOCTOR, ANNE, JAMIE and the COLONEL captive on the station platform. The DOCTOR plays the 'Skye Boat Song' repeatedly on his recorder, while the COLONEL paces restlessly up and down. JAMIE sits next to the DOCTOR, and whispers to him.) JAMIE: Why didn't you tell me all this before? (The DOCTOR breaks off from playing, and indicates the COLONEL.) DOCTOR: Him. JAMIE: You don't think the Colonel... DOCTOR: Well, you never know, do you? (JAMIE looks at the three YETI.) JAMIE: Which one is ours? DOCTOR: I don't know. JAMIE: What! DOCTOR: Well unfortunately I've lost track of him. JAMIE: Oh, that's a great help! DOCTOR: Well, never mind, I... I want you to take this microphone and keep on calling our Yeti to you. (He surreptitiously hands a small microphone to JAMIE.) JAMIE: How will I know I've got the right one? DOCTOR: Well, you'll soon know if you haven't got the right one, won't you! (Chuckles.) Jamie, I hope you don't suffer from claustrophobia! [SCENE_BREAK] 11. TUNNEL (ARNOLD walks through the tunnels, and suddenly bumps into the dishevelled form of HAROLD CHORLEY. The journalist sounds afraid and desperate, a far cry from his previous confident manner.) CHORLEY: Sergeant! Oh, oh thank heavens I found you! I've been wondering down here by myself for... for ages! ARNOLD: Well well well, quite forgotten about you, we had, Mr Chorley! CHORLEY: Tried to get out over the surface, but... there were Yeti everywhere! And there's this... this fungus, and fog, all around, you see, and... it's hopeless! I tried to get back to HQ, I tried, but... all the stations were locked, you see, and I couldn't get back in, and all the time I kept seeing more and more Yeti, and they were closing in on me. I was retreating... I was always retreating... and then, at last I found I could get into Piccadilly, but... when I got down there, there was this machine, and... the Professor, and the girl. And more Yeti... they're everywhere! ARNOLD: My, my, my, we are in a state, aren't we, sir? (CHORLEY tries to compose himself.) CHORLEY: Yes... alright... no, I'm fine. I've just been so scared, that's all! (ARNOLD is sympathetic.) ARNOLD: 'S alright, sir, nothing to be ashamed of. CHORLEY: Yes. ARNOLD: There's just one thing that puzzles me though, sir. CHORLEY: Oh, what's that? ARNOLD: How you managed to exist all this time - why didn't the Yetis get you? (CHORLEY appears shocked at the insinuation.) CHORLEY: I'm sorry, what are you suggesting? You're not suggesting that I... ARNOLD: Oh no, sir, I was just wondering, that's all. I think perhaps you'd better come along with me, don't you, sir? Come on, now. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. PLATFORM (The YETI are still on guard. The DOCTOR and ANNE stand together, with the COLONEL nearby, just out of earshot. JAMIE is nowhere to be seen. ANNE whispers to the DOCTOR.) ANNE: Where's the control box? DOCTOR: Hm? ANNE: The control box! DOCTOR: It's in my pocket. ANNE: Well, why don't you use it on these Yeti? And then maybe we can escape! DOCTOR: Oh, no. I must meet the Intelligence face to face. (The COLONEL comes to join them.) COLONEL: Doctor? DOCTOR: What is it? COLONEL: Been thinking - the Yeti haven't noticed McCrimmon's disappearance yet. Not that I think he'll be able to achieve anything. DOCTOR: Go on... COLONEL: Well, I don't really know how to say this, but, um... there's Miss Travers and Victoria to think of, and, er... DOCTOR: You mean, am I going to give myself up? COLONEL: Yes. Of course, the decision must be yours, and yours alone. But the Intelligence did promise to release Travers and Victoria. (A bleeping sound becomes audible in the background as the DOCTOR replies.) DOCTOR: You believe that? COLONEL: Well, why not? (ANNE hears the bleeps.) ANNE: Hello, we've got company. (A pair of YETI arrive from the tunnels, carrying EVANS between them. They dump him down with the others on the platform. EVANS turns cheerily to the COLONEL.) EVANS: Hello, sir! COLONEL: Evans, where the devil have you been? EVANS: Didn't Staff Arnold tell you, sir? COLONEL: Yes. Sounded very like desertion to me. EVANS: Desertion? Me? Oh, good heavens, no! No, I... I thought I'd try a single-handed and desperate attempt to rescue Professor Travers and the girl! (He looks around worriedly.) EVANS: Isn't Staff Arnold about? ANNE: No. EVANS: Good! (As they talk, the bleeping sounds coming from the YETI intensify.) DOCTOR: Listen!... (One of the YETI guards reaches out for the DOCTOR, grabs him, and moves him away from the other captives. The DOCTOR calls back as he is herded towards the station entrance.) DOCTOR: Now listen, everyone - when the Yeti come for you, don't struggle. Whatever you do, don't resist them! EVANS: Don't struggle, he says! He must be joking! (The DOCTOR and the YETI disappear into the station.) COLONEL: The Doctor will have to give in. There's no other choice! (ANNE is about to reply, but she is interrupted by a roar from one of the remaining YETI. The creature motions them towards the same passageway that the DOCTOR disappeared into.) EVANS: Aye, aye, time to get fell in! (They exit with the YETI, leaving the station platform deserted. A moment later, the lid of a large metal sand bin on the platform is slowly lifted off, and JAMIE peers cautiously out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. PASSAGEWAY, PICCADILLY CIRCUS STATION (A passageway in the station. One YETI, still bleeping, escorts the DOCTOR; they are met by a second YETI carrying an electronic headset device. As the newcomer raises the device to the DOCTOR's head, the DOCTOR fumbles in his pocket, pulls out the control box, and flicks a switch. The two YETI stop and are silent. The DOCTOR then takes the headset from the YETI's grasp.) DOCTOR: Thank you! (He examines the headset for a moment, fiddles briefly with the connections, then puts it back in the YETI's paw. He then flicks the switch on the control box and the YETI spring back to life. The second creature puts the headset firmly on the DOCTOR's head, starts bleeping again, and leads the group off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. TICKET HALL (The YETI bring ANNE, the COLONEL and EVANS to join VICTORIA and TRAVERS. ANNE is delighted to see her father again.) ANNE: Father! Oh, father, are you alright? TRAVERS: Yes, I'm alright again... Don't, don't worry, Anne. VICTORIA: Jamie and the Doctor - where are they? ANNE: (Quietly.) Oh. (She looks despondently to the ground.) TRAVERS: Anne? [SCENE_BREAK] 15. PLATFORM (JAMIE has emerged from his hiding place and now stands on the track just below the platform, talking into the DOCTOR's microphone.) JAMIE: Yeti... come towards me... I'm standing beside the platform at Piccadilly Station!... Yeti, wherever you are, come towards me! (A bleeping sound becomes audible from the tunnel, and JAMIE hears heavy footsteps approaching. He looks as the giant form of a YETI appears, walking straight towards him.) JAMIE: Come towards me... Like that, that's it... Come to... (JAMIE steps up onto the platform, and the YETI follows.) JAMIE: Right now. Raise your right arm. (The YETI lumbers on, its arms firmly by its side. JAMIE speaks more urgently.) JAMIE: Raise your right arm! (The Scotsman backs away as the YETI advances, still ignoring his latest command.) JAMIE: Oh, what's the use? (He backs into a corner; the YETI reaches him and roars.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. TICKET HALL (The large room is illuminated by an eerie incandescence.) TRAVERS: (To VICTORIA.) Well, there's nothing to be afraid of, dear. Just - just be calm. (The others talk in low voices among themselves. They suddenly break off as the DOCTOR is led into the room by two YETI. The DOCTOR is wearing the headset, and has a resigned expression on his face. Several of the other captives all gasp at once.) VICTORIA: Doctor! TRAVERS: The Doctor! ANNE: Doctor! VICTORIA: What are they going to do? DOCTOR: Now don't worry, Victoria. (The DOCTOR's voice is strangely calm; he sounds like a man totally resigned to the inevitability of his fate.) VICTORIA: But... I... DOCTOR: Everything's under control. Don't be frightened. VICTORIA: But Doctor, what are they going to do? (The DOCTOR cuts in insistently.) DOCTOR: Everything is under control. Tell her, Anne, you understand? ANNE: Yes... yes, I think so. (One of the YETI by the DOCTOR growls impatiently.) DOCTOR: Now listen, everyone. Don't do anything foolish! I am perfectly alright. (The voice of the INTELLIGENCE echoes out from all around them.) INTELLIGENCE: Yes, he is perfectly alright. Thank you, Doctor, for being so cooperative. (Exasperated, the COLONEL shouts.) COLONEL: Why don't you show yourself? Who are you? INTELLIGENCE: Silence! You will know soon enough. (As the voice speaks, the sound of running footsteps can be heard from the passageway leading from the platform area. As they turn to look, the figure of CHORLEY appears!.) COLONEL & VICTORIA: Chorley! TRAVERS: Good grief! ANNE: But that horrible little man... EVANS: You, the Intelligence? ANNE: No... no! COLONEL: No no no, he can't be the Intelligence, he can't! It doesn't make sense! (CHORLEY, having recovered his breath, is flustered and close to tears. He turns and points down the passageway.) CHORLEY: It isn't me! It isn't me, don't you understand! I'm not the Intelligence! The Intelligence is him! (In the passageway, a figure is appearing in the gloom. As it comes nearer, the onlookers are totally stunned.) TRAVERS: It can't be! ANNE: Oh, oh it's too horrible! I don't believe it! (The figure walks into the eerie light of the room - it is ARNOLD. He wears a headset similar to the DOCTOR's, and his face is impassive.) ANNE: Arnold. (ARNOLD now speaks, but the voice is different. The gruff Yorkshire manner has gone, replaced by the calm, less accented tones of the INTELLIGENCE.) ARNOLD: No. Merely Arnold's lifeless body in which I have concealed myself. But let us to work. There will be time for discussion later. In fact, all the time in the world. ANNE: Oh... so you weren't going to let us go then, afterwards? TRAVERS: Did you think he would? (ARNOLD's body looks towards the passageway.) ARNOLD: The last member of the party. Come and join us! (JAMIE walks in sullenly, followed by his YETI captor.) VICTORIA: Oh, Jamie! JAMIE: Victoria, are you alright? ARNOLD: Your solicitude is touching. Nevertheless, it is wasting time. DOCTOR: Frightened that something might go wrong? ARNOLD: (To JAMIE.) Join the Doctor. DOCTOR: Do what he says, Jamie. (JAMIE does so.) ARNOLD: Take him! (The YETI standing by the DOCTOR reaches out and grabs JAMIE viciously around the neck, almost lifting him off the ground in a neck-brace.) DOCTOR: Leave him! Leave him be! ARNOLD: I must ensure your complete cooperation, Doctor. Should you prove at all unhelpful, your young friend's neck will be broken. DOCTOR: You gave your word that no one would be harmed. I refuse to submit until you release Jamie! ARNOLD: Alright. Release the boy! (The YETI relaxes its grip, and JAMIE staggers away, gasping.) ARNOLD: But at the first sign of trouble from you... DOCTOR: Don't worry. I will do what you say. ARNOLD: Good. Into the machine, Doctor. (The others gasp and murmur helplessly as the DOCTOR steps forward, turns his back to the pyramid machine and slowly sits down on the small chair inside it. ARNOLD steps over and adjusts a metal circlet in the roof of the machine, lowering it until it comes into contact with the DOCTOR's headset.) ARNOLD: Soon your mind will be absorbed by the Great Intelligence. You should be very proud, Doctor - your knowledge of the past will help to shape the future of this planet. DOCTOR: Just get on with it, please. ARNOLD: You seem very anxious suddenly. DOCTOR: I just want it over and done with. ARNOLD: Submission is essential. You must understand, Doctor, that without your complete cooperation, this transference would be of no value. Should you offer any opposition, either physical or mental, I shall be forced to punish you, or rather your friends. Prepare for a great darkness to cloud your mind. (Unnoticed by ARNOLD, JAMIE has produced the microphone. He suddenly yells into it.) JAMIE: Attack now! Attack the Yeti! (VICTORIA screams as the YETI which brought him into the ticket hall lunges at its fellow robots. Chaos ensues, with everyone shouting at once over the ferocious roars of the battling YETI.) CHORLEY: Stop it! Stop it! JAMIE: Get Arnold! (His YETI moves towards ARNOLD and clubs him savagely to the ground, then returns to holding off the other creatures. Amid the confusion, the DOCTOR's voice rings out.) DOCTOR: No, Jamie, no! COLONEL: Come on, get the Doctor out! (As JAMIE's YETI fights to cover them, the COLONEL, JAMIE and EVANS run to the DOCTOR's chair. A YETI turns a web-gun on the COLONEL, but before it can fire its lethal weapon EVANS, in an uncharacteristic act of bravery, kicks it from the creatures hands. The YETI is then attacked by JAMIE's robot. CHORLEY has now joined the attempts to rescue the DOCTOR - attempts which are hampered not only by the YETI battle, but also by the DOCTOR himself!.) DOCTOR: No, you don't understand, you'll ruin everything! No! JAMIE: Professor! Anne! Give us some help! DOCTOR: No! No!... No! Leave me be! You don't understand, I've got to stay here! (The YETI continue fighting behind them. The combined efforts of the rescuers finally prevail, and EVANS manages to pull the DOCTOR clear of the machine. He still struggles madly as JAMIE wrenches the headset from his head and hurls it at the heart of the pyramid. Immediately there is a blinding white flash of light and a huge explosion, throwing everyone to the ground. The pyramid begins to vanish, and the white glow of the INTELLIGENCE dims and disappears. After a moment, everyone staggers to their feet, choking and coughing in the dust. The remaining YETI have collapsed and lie motionless, gaping, smoking holes in their chests showing where their control units have exploded.) EVANS: Well, that's that then, innit? (The DOCTOR, now recovered, is hopping mad and rounds on the poor soldier.) DOCTOR: You blithering Welsh imbecile! Why can't you do what you're told? EVANS: Eh? JAMIE: Hey, now just a minute, Doctor! If we hadn't pulled you out of that, you'd have been a heap of dust by now. DOCTOR: You're just as bad. I told you to leave it to me! Now you've gone and ruined everything! JAMIE: Ruined every - How can we! We... we've won, haven't we? DOCTOR: No! TRAVERS: What do you mean, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, why didn't they leave it to me? I had crossed those wires on that helmet thing. The Intelligence wouldn't have drained me, I had... would have drained the Intelligence! As it is, all it got was a crossed circuit! ANNE: You mean, all we've done is... is cut off its contact with Earth, it's - it's still out there in space somewhere, flying around? DOCTOR: Precisely! Look! (He turns to ARNOLD, who still lies where he was struck down by the YETI. His body lies face-up, the face contorted and blackened into an agonised death mask.) VICTORIA: Oh! CHORLEY: Oh, poor fellow! COLONEL: Do you mean to say that Arnold wasn't the Intelligence? DOCTOR: (Sadly.) No. He was just a poor soldier that was taken over. He was probably one of the first to disappear. EVANS: You mean it might come back? DOCTOR: Well, it's still around, isn't it? I've failed. TRAVERS: Nonsense, man! ANNE: You were marvellous. COLONEL: Yes. Great victory. DOCTOR: I doubt it. ANNE: No - you were a hero, and you know it. (A hint of a cheeky smile creeps onto the DOCTOR's face.) DOCTOR: You don't really think so. Do you? ANNE: Yes, yes I do. CHORLEY: You've got to face facts, old man. Tomorrow you're going to be a household word, a national figure... DOCTOR: Oh no, oh no! (CHORLEY warms to his subject, to the DOCTOR's horror.) CHORLEY: Yeah! I want you on my television programme, and... DOCTOR: Oh no! (He backs away. CHORLEY continues regardless.) CHORLEY: ...and a big Press Conference, and... DOCTOR: Jamie! Victoria! Come along, it's time we left! CHORLEY: ...but the Press Conference, Doctor! DOCTOR: Goodbye! TRAVERS: But Doctor, Doctor, you... you can't go yet, there are a lot of things I want to discuss with you! DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Travers, we have to go. CHORLEY: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Covent Garden! Come along. Come along, Jamie. (He ushers JAMIE and VICTORIA out, and exits after them. A chorus of goodbyes follow them.) TRAVERS: Bye!... Bye. ANNE: Where's he going? TRAVERS: Huh? Oh, er, back to his TARDIS, I suppose. CHORLEY: You mean this, uh, this time machine thing, it really exists? TRAVERS: Y... well I, er... oh, explain it to him, Anne, will you? (He makes a hasty retreat and joins the COLONEL.) TRAVERS: Colonel, I think we'd better check up top, don't you? (With a meaningful glance at CHORLEY, the COLONEL readily agrees.) COLONEL: Right, Professor. Evans! (They head off, leaving ANNE alone with CHORLEY. ANNE tries following her father.) ANNE: Father - father, I... (She is intercepted by CHORLEY.) CHORLEY: Now don't you go, Miss Travers, I'd er, I'd like you to explain all about this, this time machine for me. (ANNE sighs.) ANNE: Oh dear...! [SCENE_BREAK] 17. TUNNEL (Back in the tunnels, the DOCTOR, JAMIE and VICTORIA come to a fork.) DOCTOR: Well, where do we go? Which is the way to Covent Garden? JAMIE: Oh, don't ask me. I've completely lost my bearings. VICTORIA: All these tunnels look the same to me. DOCTOR: Come on, let's try this way. JAMIE: Well it doesn't matter, anyway. I mean, there's no danger, is there? DOCTOR: Well, not from the Yeti, no, but who knows, they might suddenly start the trains again! Come on! JAMIE: Trains? VICTORIA: Oh! JAMIE: Come on! (They run off after the DOCTOR.)
Plan: A: prisoner; Q: What are the Doctor and his friends held by the Intelligence? A: their only hope; Q: What is the Doctor's relationship with Jamie, Arnold and a reprogrammed Yeti? Summary: The Doctor and his friends are held prisoner by the Intelligence and their only hope lies with Jamie, Arnold and a reprogrammed Yeti.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.] Joey: (to Monica) Hey, how much will you give me to eat this whole jar of olives? Monica: I won't give you anything, but you'll owe me 2.95. Joey: Done. Phoebe: (entering) Hey. I need an atlas! I need an atlas! Monica: Why? (in a motherlike tone) Do you have a report due? Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I don't know where his country is. Monica: Okay, let's start with the free messages outside the UN. Phoebe: Oh!! That's my new thing. I figure bodies at peace, make peace. Monica: Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in rubbing. So what country is this guy from? Phoebe: Ick-neck-tree-anis..... There's a 'g' in there. Monica: Where's that? Phoebe: In your atlas! Monica: I don't have an atlas. Phoebe: Oh. Monica: Oh, but wait I do have a globe. Phoebe: Oh. Monica: Hold on. Joey: So Pheebs what's this guy like? Phoebe: Umm, well he's very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesn't speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me. Monica: 'Kay, here you go. (Hands her this tiny little globe.) Phoebe: What is this? Monica: It's a globe and, a pencil sharpener. (Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.) Chandler: (entering) Hey, does anybody need anything copied? I'm going down to the Xerox place. Monica: Oh, no thanks. Chandler: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of. Monica: Well, if you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down there? Joey: Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the belly button ring again? Chandler: Yeah! You wanna come? Joey: Yeah! Opening Credits [Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.] Chandler: Come on Chloe! Finish up with your customer first. Come on Chloe! Come on Chloe!! Issac: (to Chandler and Joey) Can I help you? Chandler: Uh-oh. Joey: Uh, y'know what, we're having second thoughts about our copying needs. And we'll need a little more time to think about it. Issac: Chloe, switch with me, there's some guys here that got a crush on you. Chandler: (to Joey) Okay, that hurt us. Chloe: Hi guys. I haven't seen you since this morning. Chandler: Well ah, ........y'know. Chloe: Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow night? Joey: Both of us? (points to Chandler and himself) Chloe: Maybe. Does that scare ya? (They both start laughing. They look at each other, stop and step apart a little bit.) Chloe: Relax. It's just Issac's D.J.-ing at the Philly. You should come. Joey: We'll be there. Chloe: Great. I'll ah, see ya then. Chandler: All right, rock on. (Does the 'Hang 10' sign, then hides his face in shame.) [Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa).] Sergei: (something in Russian or Polish) Mischa: He's says, 'Walking with you makes this strange city, feel like home.' Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So that's dumb what I said, don't tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here. (Sergei goes up to her at her door and says something.) Mischa: (leaning in) Your eyes are very pretty. Phoebe: (to Mischa) Thank you, very much! Oh! (to Sergei) Thank you! (Sergei says something and leans in to kiss her, but just as he's about to....) Mischa: (leaning in) He would like to kiss you. Phoebe: (to Mischa) Okay, y'know what, you don't have to do that now. (Mischa translates that to Sergei) No-no-no-no!! Not him, you don't! (Mischa tells Sergei he can proceed and steps away) Well the moment's over. (Sergei says something and kisses her.) Phoebe: Oh. Mischa: Oy! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is showing Monica where Sergei's country is.] Phoebe: (pointing to the globe) See there it is right there. Monica: Wow! It's small. Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it. Monica: So you had fun, huh? Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when you're on a date and you're getting along really great but the guy's translator keeps getting in the way. Monica: No. Ross: (entering) Hey. Phoebe and Monica: Hey. Ross: What is ah, Rach in her room? Monica: Oh no, she's still at work, but she told me to tell you to call her. Ross: Oh what?! Is she gonna cancel on me again?! How can she do this? Doesn't she know it's our anniversary? Monica: All right ah, Ross, this is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. (holds up a notepad) Call Rachel. Ross: What's that on the bottom? Monica: Oh that's my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. (to Phoebe) She's fancy. (Ross calls Rachel) Rachel: (answering her phone at work) Hello. Ross: Hey, honey. Rachel: Oh, hi. Ross: Hey, what's going on? Rachel: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and I've got to get this order in. Honey, I'm so sorry, but it looks like I'm gonna be here all night. Ross: What, do you, well umm, oh how about I come up there? Rachel: No-no-no, no, honey please, I've got, I've just have so much to deal with. [Cut to kitchen.] Phoebe: (to Monica) Anyway, I'm going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translator's date? So that when we, it's time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, he's really, he's kinda cute. Monica: Yeah, well kinda cute, like really kinda cute, or kinda cute like your friend Spackel Back Larry? Phoebe: Hey, don't call him that! His name is Spackel Back Harry! [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.] Chandler: Hey, y'know what, maybe we should get going. I mean what time did Chloe say we should be there? Joey: Uh, 10:30. Chandler: What time is it now? Joey: 4:30. Chandler: Yeah all right, so we'll hang out. Joey: Yeah. Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about the three of us? Chandler: Yes. Vividly. Joey: She was kidding about that right? Chandler: Yeah, I-I-I think so. (Pauses and thinks about it for a second) Yeah, I-I think so... Joey: God, that would be weird it that situation presented itself tonight, huh? Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, I mean what, what would we do? Joey: Dude, I don't know. Chandler: She was kidding. Joey: Yeah. Chandler: She was.... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules. Joey: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you don't want to be doing something and then look up and see something you don't want to be seeing. Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.) Joey: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... (clears throat) y'know each would, (clears throat again) y'know (pause) be? Chandler: Right. Right. Well ah, y'know we could flip for it. Joey: Yeah, I guess, but what's like heads and what's tails? Chandler: Well it you don't know that, then I don't want to do this with you. [Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.] Rachel: (on the phone) No, no, no, I'm looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And.... (listens) What does it matter, what I'm wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? (listens) Thank you. (to Sophie) We're holding. Ross: (entering, carrying a basket) Hi! Rachel: (startled) Oh!! My God, what are you doing here? Ross: Well you said you couldn't go out so.... (pulls the cover off of the basket) Sophie: You brought a picnic, oh, what a boyfriend. That's it, on Monday I start wearing make-up. Rachel: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis. Ross: Yeah, but I got cous-cous! Rachel: Honey, honey, I'm sorry, I know it's our anniversary but I told you on the phone I don't have time to stop. Ross: Okay, you don't have to stop, I'm invisible, I'm not here. (lights a candle) Rachel: But I don't, hmm... (on phone) Oh, who approved that order?! (listens) Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. (to Sophie) Get me Mark on the phone! Sophie: I love Mark. (to Ross) Do you know Mark? Ross: Yeah!! Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross) Ross: (stopping grinding) Pepper? Rachel: (angrily) None for me. Ross: Okay sorry, whew. Rachel: I'm sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and I'm sorry but that's... (notices a fire that Ross's candle has started) Oh my God!! Ross: (putting out the fire with a squeeze bottle of water) Okay, that's a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to call you back, I've got a Schemp in my office. (hangs up) (to Ross) What are you doing? Ross: I'm sorry. But ah, hey, oh, somebody's off the phone, how 'bout a glass of wine by the fire, I could get it going again. Rachel: Ross you're not listening to me, I don't have time to stop. Ross: Come on Rach, you don't have what, ten minutes? Rachel: I don't have ten minutes!! Ross: What? (to Sophie) Sophie, does she have ten minutes? Rachel: Hey, Ross!!! I told you I don't! Ross: Don't yell at me okay, this is the most I've seen you all week. Rachel: Look, I cannot do this right now, okay, I've got a deadline, would you just go home, I'll talk to you later. (storms out) Ross: Yeah, but wait... Rachel: Good bye! (Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.) Sophie: Actually, that's our three hole punch. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.] Ross: Hey. Rachel: Hi. Look um, about what happened earlier... Ross: No, hey, well, I-I completely understand. You were, you were stressed. Rachel: (throws her stuff down) I was gonna give you a chance to apologise to me. Ross: For what? For letting you throw me out of your office? Rachel: You had no right coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebody's work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger! Ross: Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary, boy what an ass am I. Rachel: But I told you, I didn't have the time! Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel. Rachel: Wh, Ross what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend? Ross: No, but it'd be nice if you realised, it's just a job! Rachel: Just a job! Ross: Yes. Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that... Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don't know what to do anymore. Rachel: Well neither do I! Ross: Is this about Mark? Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God. Ross: Okay, it's not, it's not. Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard. Ross: Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do. Rachel: I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break. Ross: Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, (goes to the door) let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door) Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us. (Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.] Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71. (Chandler agrees in an absolutely bored way.) Chloe: (seeing Ross enter) Hey, it's the dinosaur guy. (runs over to Ross) Hi, Ross. Ross: Oh, hi Chloe. Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we don't do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say 'let's Ross it!' Chandler: And that's the only colour that comes in. Issac: Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine? Chloe: Oh! (storms off) Chandler: So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner. Ross: Yeah, little change in plans. Ahh, we're gonna break-up instead. (Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Phoebe are on their dates with Sergei and Mischa.] Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say? Mischa: Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight. Monica: Oh my God! No wonder I get such great service at Cafe Maurice. Phoebe: (laughing and banging her spoon on the table) Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times. (Mischa does so.) Phoebe: You didn't say Boutros Boutros Gali. Mischa: (to Sergei) Boutros Boutros Gali. (Sergei responds.) Mischa: He says he was too. Phoebe: Interesting. Mischa: (to Monica) So I was wondering.... Phoebe: Okay, ah, before you get all talky again, umm, could you also please tell Sergei that I really like his suit. (Mischa does so, and Sergei complements Phoebe, and says it slowly) Mischa: (to Phoebe, very quickly) Eh, he said, thank you very much, he thinks you look very pretty tonight, your hair, golden like the sun. (to Monica) So you're a chef? Monica: I'm also thinking about opening up my own restaurant. Mischa: Oh, really. Phoebe: Monica, can I talk to you behind my menu, please. (Behind the menu) What are you doing? Monica: Well, I was having a conversation. Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I haven't been able to say two words to each other. Monica: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three have a conversation? Phoebe: That would be great. Thank you. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.] Rachel: (jumping up to answer the phone) Hello! Mark: Oh, hi. It's Mark. Rachel: (disappointed) Oh. Mark: What? Is it my breath? Rachel: No! Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else. Hi! Mark: Hi. Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message, isn't tonight your, your big anniversary dinner? Rachel: Yeah. Well, umm..... Mark: Rach, are you okay? Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Yeah, I'm fine. Mark: You wanna talk, I mean I can come over? Rachel: No! Really, no, please, please, that's, that's okay. Mark: All right, all right, I'm coming over, and I'm bringing Chinese food. Rachel: Oh, yeah, I'm not, I'm not hungry. Mark: It's for me. Rachel: Oh. Okay, bye. [Scene: The Philly.] Joey: So what are you gonna do? Ross: What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up. Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out. Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, don't I have to wait a while? Chandler: Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!! (Ross goes to call her.) Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth. Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny. Chandler: Why? What happened to him? Joey: Nothing, he's just really believes in that. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.] Rachel: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break. Mark: Wow. I'm sorry. Eggroll? Rachel: No. (grabs an eggroll) And then I called him, and he wasn't there. Mark: Well, then he's, he's probably just, out. Rachel: Oh, thank you that's very helpful, I'm glad you came over. (The phone rings and Rachel answers it.) Rachel: Hello. Ross: Hi! It's me. Rachel: Hi! Oh, I'm so glad you called. Ross: Really? I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this? Mark: Hey, what do you want to drink? Ross: Who's that? Rachel: Nobody. Mark: Is it okay if I finish the apple juice? (Rachel mouths 'Shoot!' or something similar.) Ross: Is that Mark? Rachel: Umm, honey, look he just came over to.... [Cut to The Philly.] Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams the phone down, and walks back to the bar.) Chloe: Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you, so sad. Come dance. Ross: Ah, that's okay, thanks. Chloe: Hey, you don't have to smile. You just have to dance. Ross: Look, I don't feel like dancing, I feel like having a drink. Okay? Chloe: Oh, okay. (to the bartender) Hey, two beers. (sits down next to him) [Scene: The Restaurant, after dinner.] Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages. Monica: Oh. (to Phoebe) Can I have a tissue? Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you don't accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it. (Sergei says something to Mischa.) Mischa: (to Phoebe) Sergei, would like to apologise for my behaviour tonight. Phoebe: Well, tell him, apology accepted. (Mischa does so.) Mischa: (to Monica) Oh, he's unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! (to Sergei) You silly diplomat, why don't you learn some English, Sergei? Phoebe: Excuse me, but umm, isn't he paying for your dinner? Monica: Hey, the man's dog just died. (Sergei insults Mischa, and they get into a huge fight, in Russian.) Mischa: (to Monica) I have just resigned my post. Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I have diplomatic coupons. Monica: It will be my pleasure. (to Phoebe) My guy has diplomatic coupons. Your guy can't even say coupons. (they leave) Sergei: Uh, (picks up a plate) plate? Phoebe: Plate! Yes, plate. Sergei: Plate. Plate. Plate. Phoebe: See, we don't need them. Sergei: (picking up a cup) Plate? Phoebe: Yeah. [Scene: The Philly, With or Without You is playing. (Which is the same song Ross played for Rachel in TOW the List.)] Ross: (to Chloe) I like this song. Chloe: Well, you're practically dancing already. Why don't you just do it over here? Ross: Oh, no, no. Chloe: What? Are you married? 'Cause that's okay. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.] Rachel: (picks up the phone and calls Ross) Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, you're not home. [Scene: The Philly, Ross is dancing with Chloe.] Chloe: Still no smile? (She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.) To Be Continued...... Closing Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Sergei is teaching Phoebe how to sing American Pie, by Don Maclean.] (Both Phoebe and him are singing along and they get to the chorus.) Sergei: (singing) Touchet, touchet, Miss Americccan pie. (stops to correct Phoebe) Ameri-ccan. Phoebe: Ameri-can. Sergei: Ameri-ccan. Phoebe: Ameri-can. Y'know it's a very hard language. Let's do it again. (They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.) Sergei: (to the rest of Central Perk) Everybody!! (In his language, and continues.)
Plan: A: Joey; Q: Along with Chandler, who is attracted to Chloe? A: Angela Featherstone; Q: Who plays Chloe? A: the copy center; Q: Where does Chloe work? A: Phoebe; Q: Who fixes Monica with the interpreter? A: East European; Q: What nationality is the diplomat that Phoebe dates? A: Monica; Q: Who does the interpreter want to spend all his time talking to? A: Ross; Q: Who goes drinking with Joey and Chandler and ends up sleeping with Chloe? A: one-year; Q: How long has Rachel and Ross been together? A: a basket lunch; Q: What does Ross surprise Rachel with on their anniversary? A: a break; Q: What does Rachel say they need after a bitter fight? Summary: Chandler and Joey are both attracted to Chloe ( Angela Featherstone ), the girl who works at the copy center. Phoebe dates an East European diplomat whose interpreter accompanies them everywhere to translate. To gain some privacy, Phoebe fixes up Monica with the interpreter. She soon regrets it after the interpreter wants to spend all his time talking to Monica. Ross and Rachel's relationship is further strained when she has to work late on their one-year anniversary. Ross surprises her with a basket lunch, but she insists she is too busy. They later have a bitter fight with Rachel saying they need a break. Upset, Ross goes drinking with Joey and Chandler and ends up sleeping with Chloe.
The Ambassadors of Death 5:45pm - 6:10pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. WEIR (LIZ is out of breath from the chase and despite the fact that she can see no obvious way of escape, continues to run carefully along the narrow ledge. Halfway across they catch up. LIZ struggles with one of the men who she one flips over the side. He manages to hang on. She runs on a few paces but the other man catches her and knocks her over towards the torrent of water. She manages to hang onto the rail and the second man reaches down to her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. WEIR (The first man scrambles back onto the weir and comes to help the second man pull the dangling LIZ back to safety.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY (REEGAN, wearing a smart raincoat, enters the lab, holding onto LIZ'S arm and pushing her down the stairs ahead of him.) LIZ: Will you let go of my arm, you're hurting me, ow! (He pushes her off the final few steps.) LIZ: Oh! (LENNOX and a thug - MASTERS - are waiting in the lab.) REEGAN: (To LENNOX.) I've brought you some company LENNOX: I thought they told you to get both of them. REEGAN: Oh, he wouldn't keep the appointment. She's a scientist. She can give you a hand. (A shocked LIZ recognises the scientist.) LIZ: Doctor Lennox! REEGAN: (Sarcastically.) Somebody remembers you! (He looks through the observation window.) REEGAN: How are our zombie friends? LENNOX: Surviving, but only just. REEGAN: I didn't expect them to be dancing a jig. (To LIZ.) Start making yourself useful. LIZ: What if I don't? (REEGAN points through the window.) REEGAN: I might just lock you in there with them! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (The BRIGADIER enters his office. The DOCTOR is there, writing at a side desk. CARRINGTON paces the room.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I've issued Miss Shaw's description to every police force in the country. GENERAL CARRINGTON: Why? Do you expect her to be wandering the streets? (The BRIGADIER sits at his desk and gives the GENERAL a look.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No sir, just a formality. GENERAL CARRINGTON: I took the liberty of examining the things found on the bodies of those two men. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: They should have gone to Forensics, sir - untouched! GENERAL CARRINGTON: No need for that, Forensics can't tell us anything we can't see for ourselves. (He holds a scrap of paper.) GENERAL CARRINGTON: Look - a newspaper cutting in a foreign language. (The DOCTOR doesn't look up.) DOCTOR: Anyone can buy a foreign newspaper, General. GENERAL CARRINGTON: What about this comb then, with the makers imprint on it in the same language? (The DOCTOR gets up.) DOCTOR: Let me look. (He takes the comb and tries to read the markings. He then takes a jeweller's eyeglass out of his pocket and puts it into his right eye to read closer. He tuts several times and looks at CARRINGTON.) DOCTOR: Very remiss of them - keeping this. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: They could have been planted, sir. GENERAL CARRINGTON: No, the only people who could set up an organisation of this size would be foreign agents with enormous resources behind them... (The DOCTOR waves the comb at him.) DOCTOR: And hair combs! (He goes back to his desk.) GENERAL CARRINGTON: They want to use the radiated astronauts as a weapon. DOCTOR: I've told you where your astronauts are, General. They're still in orbit. GENERAL CARRINGTON: That's ridiculous. DOCTOR: Is it? When your Professor Heldorf had the aliens in his care, he started to record some sort of radio communication impulses. GENERAL CARRINGTON: Astronauts do have walky-talkies in their helmets, you know. DOCTOR: Then why didn't Heldorf talk to them? GENERAL CARRINGTON: Yes, well perhaps he was recording the level of radioactivity in their bodies? DOCTOR: Yes, well I don't think so. Well, I'm going down to the Space Centre, use the computer. I trust your man Taltalian won't hold a gun on me this time? (He gets up with Heldorf's papers and heads for the door.) GENERAL CARRINGTON: Doctor, nothing is to be gained by deciphering these impulses! Our objective should be to find the missing astronauts. DOCTOR: General, how many times must I tell you, your astronauts are still in orbit. My objective is to find out what these aliens are trying to say to us. (He goes, leaving an unhappy CARRINGTON behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (TALTALIAN and CORNISH are talking, CORNISH writing on a clipboard as TALTALIAN looks through notes.) RALPH CORNISH: What's the K factor? TALTALIAN: Fuel - one thousand two hundred, ninety-seven tons. RALPH CORNISH: No other available source? TALTALIAN: Liquid fuel in production - two thousand tons. RALPH CORNISH: Well, that can be speeded up. TALTALIAN: The new M3 Variant's highly volatile. It was not intended for manned spaceflight. RALPH CORNISH: We'll have to use it. TALTALIAN: The lift-off rate would crush the astronaut. RALPH CORNISH: What about reducing the Gs by mixing K and M3? TALTALIAN: I will compute that. But you will still have to get your rocket built. RALPH CORNISH: Well, the minister is putting up every possible objection. TALTALIAN: What do you expect? This Doctor's theory is ridiculous. RALPH CORNISH: I thought you were supposed to be helping me...or do you intend to commit more sabotage? TALTALIAN: I was ordered to do that by General Carrington. (Unseen, the DOCTOR enters the room behind TALTALIAN, carrying Heldorf's papers.) TALTALIAN: I have computed the assembly of the rescue rocket as you asked me. (The DOCTOR pulls a pen out of his jacket pocket and comes up behind TALTALIAN. He sticks the pen into his back like a gun barrel. TALTALIAN gasps and flinches.) DOCTOR: You're not armed I hope? TALTALIAN: I would not have used that gun - not on a fellow scientist. DOCTOR: Thank you. I'm much relieved. (He walks into TALTALIAN'S view who looks furious when he sees the pen in the DOCTOR'S hand.) RALPH CORNISH: Have they found your assistant? DOCTOR: No, not yet. May I have the use of your computer? RALPH CORNISH: Yes, certainly and I'm sure Doctor Taltalian will be only too pleased to help you. (He smiles at TALTALIAN who looks anything but pleased.) RALPH CORNISH: (To the DOCTOR.) Er, when you have a moment, I'd like to see you in the control room about the Recovery Capsule. (He leaves the room.) DOCTOR: I'd like to programme these impulse records, if I may. TALTALIAN: What do you hope to learn from them? DOCTOR: Well if I knew, I wouldn't need a computer would I? TALTALIAN: To make a start, we must have some idea. DOCTOR: Well, I suspect some sort of pattern. TALTALIAN: This could take a long time... DOCTOR: Well, it mustn't Taltalian, it mustn't! TALTALIAN: Doctor, I am not trying to obstruct you! (The wall phone rings.) TALTALIAN: Excuse me. (He goes to the phone and picks it up.) TALTALIAN: (Into phone.) Hello, Taltalian here? (He listens.) Yes. (Listens.) Who is that? (Listens.) A moment please. (To the DOCTOR.) It is for you. (The DOCTOR comes and takes the phone from him.) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Hello, yes? (He listens.) Yes, it is. (Listens.) Who is this? (He receives no answer and replaces the phone on the wall. He turns to TALTALIAN with suspicion.) DOCTOR: My assistant, Liz Shaw. TALTALIAN: They have found her? DOCTOR: No...someone threatening to kill her if I don't stop interfering. (He walks over to TALTALIAN, glaring intently at the wary scientist, then speaks in a matter-of-fact voice as if nothing had happened.) DOCTOR: Well, let's get back to work shall we? (He walks off towards the computer, TALTALIAN watching him go.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY (LIZ, sat at the console, and LENNOX with a clipboard, are working. They are carefully watched by MASTERS.) LIZ: Two million rads... (She checks a control.) LIZ: (Worried.) ...dropping to two million, minus fifty thousand. LENNOX: (Also worried.) Minus five-o thousand. (He looks into the windowed room where the ASTRONAUTS stand slumped against the walls. He turns to MASTERS.) LENNOX: You'd better tell Reegan we've only got one more canister left... (MASTERS doesn't move but looks at him with suspicion. LENNOX gets angry.) LENNOX: Well? Do you want them to die? MASTERS: You'd better be right. (He leaves through a door next to the bottom of the stairs. LIZ watches him go carefully, throws on her coat and darts up the stairs. She tries the door at the top of the stairs but it won't budge and she comes back down forlornly.) LENNOX: It's no use - they lock it. LIZ: Are you a prisoner? LENNOX: That's a matter of opinion. LIZ: (Angrily.) Are you or aren't you? LENNOX: I can come and go as I please. But I...haven't got anywhere to go. LIZ: You were a respected scientist, once! LENNOX: Grossly underpaid! (He goes over to her with the radiation gloves and hood.) LENNOX: Can you help me? (LIZ starts to sort them out. LENNOX suddenly puts a key on the table. LIZ looks at him in shock.) LENNOX: I, er, I...I lost my key somewhere, er, for that door up there. (LIZ picks it up. LENNOX grabs her arm.) LENNOX: (Whispers.) They'll find me in the cubicle - locked and bolted from the outside - do you understand? LIZ: (Whispers.) Yes, of course. Why don't you come with me? LENNOX: (In despair.) Where would I go? (LIZ helps him on with radiation helmet and takes the key. She opens the door to the booth and LENNOX goes inside. LIZ locks the door, and heads up the stairs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (The DOCTOR studies a print-out.) DOCTOR: These impulses are mathematical formulae for building an electronic device. TALTALIAN: What sort of a electronic device? DOCTOR: Well, I'll have to build it to find out, won't I? TALTALIAN: In defiance of the message threatening Miss Shaw's life? DOCTOR: Well, how are these people going to know what I'm doing unless somebody tells them? TALTALIAN: (Laughs.) Who would do that? (The DOCTOR turns and looks at him.) DOCTOR: You for instance? [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT UNDERGROUND LABORATORY (LIZ comes out of the laboratory - a small blockhouse in woodland. She looks round carefully, shuts the door, checks that the coast is clear and starts running away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (The working relationship between TALTALIAN and the DOCTOR is not getting any warmer...) TALTALIAN: You are being most insulting! (The DOCTOR gets up and stares him down.) DOCTOR: And you are being continually obstructive! TALTALIAN: I acted under the orders of General Carrington. DOCTOR: Did you? Or are you involved with the people who are really behind this? TALTALIAN: What people are you talking about? DOCTOR: The people who kidnapped Miss Shaw, who kidnapped the three astronauts? TALTALIAN: Have you told the Brigadier about your suspicions? DOCTOR: No, not yet. TALTALIAN: Why not, if you are so sure of your facts? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Well, I thought I'd offer you some sort of alternative - a ruthless investigation by the Brigadier...or a few quiet words with me, and your name kept out of things. TALTALIAN: I don't know what you are talking about. DOCTOR: I think you do, Taltalian...and I'm going to give you a little time to think it over. Mmm? (TALTALIAN stares at him. The DOCTOR collects his papers.) DOCTOR: Right, well, if you'll excuse me, I must see what can be done about building this machine. (He heads for the door.) DOCTOR: Think over what I've said. I shall expect to hear from you very soon. (He leaves. TALTALIAN stares angrily after him. He goes to a locker , opens it and takes out a small device about the size of a cigarette packet with a small speaker and a dial. He puts it in his pocket.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. ROADSIDE (LIZ runs through a field, through a gate and to a roadside in woodland. She tries to flag down a passing MG but is unsuccessful. She sees a Mercedes Benz approaching. She flags it down and it stops. She smiles in relief and goes to the passenger door and opens it. TALTALIAN is inside.) LIZ: Doctor Talt... (He pulls a gun out of his pocket and aims it at her.) LIZ: ...alian. TALTALIAN: Get in, Miss Shaw. (Warily, LIZ does so and the car drives off, back through the gate, towards the laboratory.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY (LIZ has been returned and stands before REEGAN, TALTALIAN and MASTERS.) LIZ: I tell you, nobody helped me - that door was left open. REEGAN: You might have killed poor Lennox, locking him in with those things. LIZ: (Laughs.) He should have thought of that before he joined you. REEGAN: (Menacingly.) Get over there and help him. (MASTERS pushes her towards where LENNOX nervously stands next to the console.) MASTERS: Go on! LIZ: Don't touch me you! REEGAN: And Will? Make sure that door is kept locked! (To TALTALIAN.) Did you bring it? (TALTALIAN takes the small device out his pocket and hands it to REEGAN. He then passes him two sets of papers.) TALTALIAN: These are the operating instructions. This is the communication code. It's quite simple. REEGAN: A little too simple. TALTALIAN: What does that mean? REEGAN: I need to talk to those things. TALTALIAN: You have a list of simple signals and commands - transmit and they will obey. REEGAN: And if they don't? TALTALIAN: You threaten to cut off their supply of radiation - there is a signal for that too. REEGAN: And translating their replies? There's a machine for that? TALTALIAN: Yes, in my computer room, you don't need it. REEGAN: I'm the one dealing with these creatures. TALTALIAN: You will use these creatures to carry out a series of raids on carefully chosen targets. You know enough to do your job, but I have further instructions for you REEGAN: Have you now? TALTALIAN: Your call to the Doctor threatening the girl's life was stupid! REEGAN: It might have slowed him down a little. TALTALIAN: On the contrary, it merely made him more determined and suspicious - suspicious of me! REEGAN: Too bad. TALTALIAN: He has got to be put out of the way - permanently! REEGAN: To save your neck? TALTALIAN: He is about to discover how to construct one of those machines. REEGAN: (Admiringly.) Clever. TALTALIAN: And he has got to be stopped. (REEGAN examines the machine, thinking over the problem.) REEGAN: All right, I'll deal with him. And since your own skin's in danger, you can help me. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR sits in the BRIGADIER'S office, drinking a cup of tea. The BRIGADIER is at his desk, writing.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Taltalian? Do you have you any proof? DOCTOR: No, not a scrap. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Then why accuse him? DOCTOR: Something even his computers don't have - intuition. I think I rattled him. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Taltalian was acting under Carrington's orders, Quinlan explained that. DOCTOR: Yes, I know, I heard him. And I didn't believe a word of it. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Why not? DOCTOR: Well, first they try keeping us in the dark altogether and when that didn't work, they fall back on some prepared cover story - contagious radiation indeed! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Then what is happening, Doctor? DOCTOR: I don't know. Perhaps I'll know better when I've built this device. (He gets up and hands the BRIGADIER a list.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's this? DOCTOR: Advanced electronic equipment. I need it at once. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, I'll see to it. DOCTOR: Good - I'll be in my laboratory. (He walks to the door.) DOCTOR: I suppose there's no news? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Miss Shaw? DOCTOR: Mmm. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, nothing. We're doing all we can. DOCTOR: Yes, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY (LENNOX and LIZ continue working. MASTERS stands on the other side of the room on watch. LENNOX approaches LIZ who sits at the console making notes.) LENNOX: (Whispers.) Thanks for keeping quiet. LIZ: (Whispers.) Do you think he suspects you helped me? LENNOX: (Whispers.) He suspects everyone. LIZ: (Whispers.) If at first you don't succeed? LENNOX: (Whispers.) You won't get another chance. LIZ: (Whispers.) We'll see LENNOX: (Whispers.) How did they get you back? LIZ: (Whispers.) I ran into an old friend. (REEGAN enters through the door to the left of the stairs, a briefcase in his hands. TALTALIAN is pacing about, impatiently.) TALTALIAN: I have got to get back! REEGAN: It's a delicate operation. (He smiles and puts the brief case on the desk.) REEGAN: It's quite simple. (He opens the case. It is a bomb, filled with high explosives, wires and a timer.) REEGAN: All you have to do is set the dial to the time you require. How long do you need to get clear of the building? TALTALIAN: Ten minutes, maybe more REEGAN: Let's say quarter of an hour. We can't have you taking risks. (He sets the dials.) REEGAN: Now, you leave the case as near to the Doctor as you possibly can. (He closes the cases and pushes back the locking catches.) REEGAN: You slide these catches together and that starts the mechanism. Fifteen minutes later - no more Doctor. TALTALIAN: But what if he should try to open the case while I am still away? REEGAN: The same result, a little earlier. TALTALIAN: It's too risky. REEGAN: It's you he's after. TALTALIAN: Very well. (MASTERS helps TALTALIAN on with his coat. While he is distracted, REEGAN snaps open the briefcase, re-sets the timer dials, and then closes it again. He gives the case to TALTALIAN who heads for the stairs.) REEGAN: Doctor Taltalian? Do as you're told and your troubles will be over. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (The DOCTOR is back at Space Control and is talking to CORNISH in the computer room.) RALPH CORNISH: (Bitterly.) Every available astronaut is suddenly not available, not fit, transferred to other duties, waiting for security clearance. DOCTOR: Is that all? RALPH CORNISH: All? Well, what good's a rocket without a pilot? DOCTOR: I'll take the rocket up for you myself. RALPH CORNISH: Thank you, Doctor, but I don't think you realise just what's necessary. DOCTOR: My dear man, I've spent more time in space than any astronaut on your staff! Not I'll admit in the rather primitive contraptions that you use, but...I'll manage. (CORNISH looks at him with something approaching amusement.) RALPH CORNISH: Doctor, I don't think you realise what's... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) I can also withstand considerably more G-force than most people - even though I do say so myself. RALPH CORNISH: Well if you insist. You can take the tests. DOCTOR: Tests, simulations, anything you like. When that recovery capsule is ready, I'll take it up. (TALTALIAN enters with the briefcase.) TALTALIAN: Hello, Doctor, I was just coming over to see you. DOCTOR: Well I've saved you a journey haven't I? (TALTALIAN puts the briefcase on a table next to the DOCTOR.) RALPH CORNISH: Do you have the computations for lift-off? TALTALIAN: All but the final phase. RALPH CORNISH: Well, let me have them as soon as possible will you? (To the DOCTOR.) I'll see about those tests, Doctor. (He leaves watched carefully by TALTALIAN who then goes over to his locker. The DOCTOR walks over a leans on a piece of computer equipment.) DOCTOR: Have you, er, thought over what I spoke to you about? TALTALIAN: Yes. DOCTOR: And? TALTALIAN: I will tell you everything, if you will give me a chance to get away. DOCTOR: Very well. (TALTALIAN goes back to his case.) TALTALIAN: The information I need is in my car, I will go and fetch it. You will wait for me here? DOCTOR: Yes, all right. (TALTALIAN pushes the clasps together. There is a flash and he screams...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY (LIZ is looking over the device that TALTALIAN brought with him.) LIZ: I think I've got it now REEGAN: Send "stand up" (LIZ twists a dial on the machine and pushes it. The device transmits an electronic signal. In the booth, the ASTRONAUTS get off the floor and stand watched by LIZ, REEGAN, LENNOX and MASTERS.) REEGAN: Forward. (LIZ twists the dial and sends. The ASTRONAUTS move forward, one heading for the back of the room and the other two towards the window.) REEGAN: Send "stop". (LIZ twists the dial and sends. The ASTRONAUTS stop.) REEGAN: There can be no problems with that thing? LIZ: (Smiles.) It's simple enough - even you might be able to manage it. REEGAN: We can do without the back-chat, let me have it. LIZ: Taltalian gave you this thing didn't he? REEGAN: Never you mind. (He snatches the device from her and picks up his jacket.) LIZ: That case you gave him. What was it? REEGAN: Well, you could say it was a way of killing two birds...with one stone. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (UNIT soldiers are clearing up in the smoke filled room. The DOCTOR has a plaster on his face but is otherwise uninjured. He is examining debris from the briefcase) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You seem to have been right about Taltalian. DOCTOR: A lot of good it did me - and him. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He was obviously trying to plant a time bomb on you - lucky for you the mechanism was faulty. DOCTOR: I'm not sure that it was - look at this (He shows him the remains of the detonator.) DOCTOR: See this is set to Zero. Taltalian must have thought he had plenty of time to get away, when in fact this bomb was set to go off instantaneously. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: So whoever gave it to him wanted to get rid of both of you? DOCTOR: Yes. (He starts to pace the room, thinking.) DOCTOR: Taltalian was a weak link, you know. I think his employers wanted him out of the way. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Another dead-end then? DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm afraid so. (He finds himself before TALTALIAN'S locker. He frowns and reaches inside, pulling out an identical device to the one that TALTALIAN gave REEGAN.) DOCTOR: Brigadier, look at this! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's that? DOCTOR: Well, it's something very similar to the machine I'm trying to build - and Taltalian had one all the time. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. SIR JAMES QUINLAN'S OFFICE (GENERAL CARRINGTON is again visiting QUINLAN.) QUINLAN: Well, time's running out. Cornish is almost ready to put up that recovery rocket. GENERAL CARRINGTON: You were supposed to stop him, sir. QUINLAN: Don't you think I've tried? I've tried every possible delay. GENERAL CARRINGTON: You must keep on trying, Sir James. QUINLAN: That Doctor's even volunteered to pilot the recovery rocket. GENERAL CARRINGTON: He must be stopped. QUINLAN: We could tell him the truth? GENERAL CARRINGTON: No. We know too little about him. QUINLAN: There may be not alternative. GENERAL CARRINGTON: There's got to be. If that rocket goes up, it means disaster for the entire world. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY (REEGAN, his feet on the table, is talking on the phone...) REEGAN: (Into phone.) Now don't you worry sir, everything's going fine. (He listens.) Yes, it's a pity about that. This Doctor fellow must have nine lives. (Listens.) Tonight? Well it's a bit soon. (Listens.) All right, if I must I must. (Listens.) I'll see to it. (Listens.) Right. (He puts the phone down and turns to MASTERS.) REEGAN: Will, go and get the van. there's a good fellow MASTERS: Okay, Mr. Reegan. LENNOX: You're taking them away? REEGAN: No, Just a little excursion. Open the door. (LENNOX hesitates, then unbolts the booth door. REEGAN takes the device over to LIZ.) REEGAN: This thing - can it work the other way round, so they can talk to us? LIZ: No, just sends impulses they seem to understand. REEGAN: But there could be a machine? LIZ: I imagine so. REEGAN: I think I'll be paying two visits tonight... (He twists the dial and transmits. An ASTRONAUT, breathing heavily, exits the booth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. SPACE CENTRE ENTRANCE (A UNIT SOLDIER stands on guard at the barrier to the Space Centre entrance. He looks down the road and sees a figure walking towards him, illuminated from behind the rays of the sun - it is one of the ASTRONAUTS.) UNIT SOLDIER: Halt! (The figure carries on walking. The SOLDIER takes out a gun from his holster.) UNIT SOLDIER: Halt or I'll fire! (He fires several times but the bullets have no effect. The ASTRONAUT moves relentlessly forward and places his hands on the barrier arm. There is a flash which moves down the barrier and "electrifies" the UNIT SOLDIER flinging him backwards into the side of his booth and onto the ground. The ASTRONAUT pushes up the barrier and moves into the Centre.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (Two technicians are in the computer room. The ASTRONAUT enters. One of the technicians moves forward and the ASTRONAUT merely touches him - killing him with a red flash. He moves towards TALTALIAN'S locker. Another technician tries to stop him and is killed in a similar fashion. The ASTRONAUT rummages in the locker. A UNIT guard enters and starts shooting. The bullets have no effect. The ASTRONAUT walks towards him, touches the guard and killing him with another red flash...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. SPACE CONTROL. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE COMPUTER ROOM (...flinging him into the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR holds TALTALIAN'S device.) DOCTOR: I tell you, it converts radio impulses into human speech. The aliens in Heldorf's Laboratory were trying to communicate with him. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: So you were right, they aren't human. DOCTOR: I never believed they were. Now, if I could only build the other half of this thing. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We could contact the astronauts - or whatever they are. DOCTOR: Yes, probably- if you were to hurry up with those parts that I've ordered. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Most of them are coming from Japan, Doctor. (The phone rings and the BRIGADIER answers it.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Yes? (He listens.) Yes he's here. (He passes the phone to the DOCTOR.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sir James Quinlan. (The DOCTOR takes the phone with a mutter.) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Hello, yes, Sir James? [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. SIR JAMES QUINLAN'S OFFICE QUINLAN: (Into phone.) Doctor, I'd like to know if it's still your intention to pilot the recovery rocket. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Most certainly! [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. SIR JAMES QUINLAN'S OFFICE QUINLAN: (Into phone.) I can't persuade you that you're action would be disastrous? [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) You might. If you were to tell me the truth, Sir James - the whole truth. [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. SIR JAMES QUINLAN'S OFFICE QUINLAN: (Into phone.) Then you leave me no choice. Will you come and see me please me - at once? [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Very well, Sir James. Thank you. (He puts down the phone and turns to the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: He wants me to come and see him. He says he's going to tell me the whole truth. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I'm coming with you. (The BRIGADIER gets up.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SIR JAMES QUINLAN'S OFFICE (QUINLAN is working at his desk as the rear door behind him opens and a booted figure enters - it is an ASTRONAUT. QUINLAN turns and a look of terror appears on his face when he sees who his visitor is. He gets up and starts to back round the desk but the ASTRONAUT reaches up and kills the civil servant with a touch on the chest and a red flash of power. QUINLAN falls back across his desk. The ASTRONAUT moves to a safe in the corner by the door. It touches the safe, there is an explosion and the door opens. It touches the top shelf and there is a flash. It then touches the lower shelf and there is a similar flash as the contents are destroyed. Suddenly the door opens and the DOCTOR enters, noticing QUINLAN, but not the ASTRONAUT behind the door.) DOCTOR: Sir James! (He rushes to the body and checks the eyes for movement. He then listens to the dead man's chest. The ASTRONAUT comes up behind the DOCTOR, reaching for him...)
Plan: A: Liz; Q: Who has been captured by Reegan's men? A: Taltalian; Q: Who does the Doctor suspect is more involved than he appeared? Summary: Liz has been captured by Reegan's men and the Doctor begins to suspect Taltalian is more involved than he appeared.
OPEN IN LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai enters with a laptop in her arms.] LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: Hey! LORELAI: [chuckles and reaches for food on plates he is serving] Ow! LUKE: Don't. LORELAI: Ohh. [feigns disappointed] LUKE: You okay? LORELAI: Well, you hurt my feelings just now. LUKE: No, I mean you doing okay with everything? LORELAI: You're referring to my meltdown in the park. LUKE: It wasn't a meltdown. LORELAI: Oh, it was a meltdown. They're making it into a movie -- "Meltdown in the Park." Don't worry, it's just a working title. Baz Luhrmann's directing. And the movie Luke wears tights and sings. LUKE: But you're okay? LORELAI: Thanks to my knight in shining armor. LUKE: Ah, well... LORELAI: I just hope Alec Baldwin captures your rare essence. LUKE: And slims down a little for the role. I should deliver these. LORELAI: Can I work on my laptop? LUKE: Does it make noise? LORELAI: No, but I sometimes do. LUKE: You always do. LORELAI: Thanks. [Kirk enters the diner with a pink bag under his arm.] LUKE: Kirk. KIRK: Luke. LUKE: What's with the - KIRK: It's not a purse! LUKE: I wasn't gonna say "purse." KIRK: Oh... Sorry. LUKE: What's with the gay bag? KIRK: It's a dog carrier. My girlfriend's gone out of town with some friends, and I'm watching Buster for her. And they're girlfriends, not guys. I called the hotel she booked and verified that it's a girl's name on the register with her. Not that I don't trust her. LUKE: Clearly. KIRK: Over there okay? LUKE: Sure. Carol, Danny, Jamie, Sean, Chris? KIRK: What's that? LUKE: Just a list of guys' names that could be girls. You want coffee? KIRK: Yes. [Luke returns behind the counter] LUKE: What is this? LORELAI: Phone cord. LUKE: I can't have this here. LORELAI: Don't worry. It's not plugged in to your regular line. It's the fax line you put in a year ago that you never use. LUKE: You mean the fax line you made me put in to get in fax orders, even though no one has ever wanted to put in a fax order, and I never got the fax machine, like I told you I would never, ever get the fax machine, making the fax line pointless. LORELAI: Hold on... Let me get on the "Guinness World Records" website. [clicking on her keyboard] Yes, that's the most times anyone has ever used the word "fax" in a sentence. LUKE: Just be quick with this. LORELAI: Man, I love e-mail. Every day Rory and I write each other multiple times. It's great. LUKE: You enjoy typing to people more than talking to them? LORELAI: Wrong perspective. E-mail is a return to the romantic days of letter writing. It's pure Dickens. LUKE: Why Dickens? LORELAI: It's just when I picture letter writing, I picture Charles Dickens. LUKE: Charles Dickens wrote more letters than other people? LORELAI: No, it's just I can easily picture him in his study with his dog and his pipe and his fancy feathered pen, writing [British accent] "Cheerio, old bean. Have a cup of tea. How's Big Ben? How's the Tower of London, Sister Suffragette? Tuppence a bag." LUKE: Sounds like an idiot. [struggles to crawl under phone cord] CAESAR: Hey, Luke, coffee?. LUKE: [struggles back under cord] Oh, this is embarrassing. LORELAI: I could unplug, but then I'd just have to start the whole process all over again. LUKE: Or you could just eat here and save e-mailing for when you're...excuse me [A delayed realization sinks in and he walks over to Kirk's table.] You have a dog there? KIRK: No. Why? LUKE: Just putting two and two together. KIRK: Well, it's coming out five. Buster is at home, asleep. LUKE: Mm-hmm. Okay. What'll you have? KIRK: Oatmeal, extra brown sugar on the side, and a pound of raw hamburger. [sees Luke's dark expression] Or just the oatmeal will be fine. [Luke returns to the counter and now Lorelai's computer cord is balanced atop stacked menus. He sighs.] LORELAI: Voila! LUKE: This does nothing. LORELAI: It makes it easier to limbo under. LUKE: This is my place. I shouldn't have to limbo. KIRK: [high voice] You still sleepy? LORELAI: [glances over at Kirk's table] Why is Kirk talking to his man purse? KIRK: You got sleepy face. You have to tinkle? [realizes he's being watched and nnonchalantlyreaches into bag] Uh, where is that? Just looking for my Lucky magazine, and, uh...ow! [ Grunts ] Paper cut. OPEN TO YALE DORM ROOM [Rory coughs then reaches into the mini-fridge.] PARIS: What are you doing? RORY: Getting a drink. PARIS: You're sick. RORY: Hence the fluids. PARIS: When you came out of our room, did you use the doorknob? RORY: As opposed to dematerializing, passing vapor-like through the wall, then rematerializing out here? No, I used the doorknob. PARIS: For the love of God, I begged you not to touch anything. [Paris sprays an aerosol can over the doorknob.] RORY: I'm not contagious anymore. Paris, stop! PARIS: I'm not getting sick. RORY: That's your deodorant. PARIS: Then what the hell did I spray under my arms? [A cell phone rings in distance. Rory goes into her room to answer it.] RORY: That's mine. [answers] Hello. LANE: Guess where I'm standing. RORY: I don't know but you sound a little echoey. [cutting between Rory's dorm and Lane's apartment] LANE: I'm standing in the living room of my very own apartment! RORY: You're kidding. LANE: I'm waiting for the gas man. The gas man! Isn't that great? I've got gas! Ignore the word. Just focus on the enthusiasm. RORY: How are you affording this? LANE: I'm sharing it with Zach and Brian. RORY: You're living with the band? LANE: It's totally innocent, I have my own room, and they're gonna sleep in the living room. RORY: That is so cool. When do you move your stuff in? LANE: Tomorrow. That is if my mom hasn't sold it all by now. Hey, you sound a little stuffed. RORY: I've been sick, but it's mostly deodorant stench I'm suffering from at the moment. LANE: Oh, my God! My first mail is here! It's a Chinese menu. RORY: Frame it or something. LANE: I will. I've gotta go, I'll call you later. RORY: Bye. [glances over at bedroom doorway where Paris is holding cigarette lighter flame under the door knob.] Oh, that's not dangerous. PARIS: Fire kills germs. [holding shirt over nose as Rory passes by] And I'm sleeping with one of the other girls tonight. RORY: How very "The L Word". CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai packs up her laptop.] LUKE: You done? LORELAI: Oh yes, your limboing days are over, my friend. Thanks for putting up with me. LUKE: Well, I only fell once. LORELAI: And gracefully. Bye. LUKE: Wait a minute. Hold on. LORELAI: Why? [Luke glances around covertly] You're making me nervous. LUKE: Just, uh... [slides an envelope over to her] here. LORELAI: What's this? LUKE: It's what it is. LORELAI: [hold envelope to forehead] "A monk, a trunk, and a skunk." LUKE: What are you doing? LORELAI: Carnak, although I don't have a punch line. Never stopped Johnny. LUKE: Put that down. Hide it. LORELAI: What is it? LUKE: Open it later. [After opening the envelope, Lorelai sighs and sits down.] LORELAI: A check to me for $30,000. LUKE: Shh! LORELAI: Luke, this is the money I was gonna ask you for. LUKE: And you did ask, and there it is. LORELAI: But I didn't. Not officially. I blubbered an amount to you, and we didn't get to talk about a repayment schedule. LUKE: It's okay. LORELAI: Or interest or collateral. I had charts and projections. I wanted to take you out to a nice dinner. LUKE: So send me a Honeybaked Ham. LORELAI: But this is wrong. This is not how you do these things. LUKE: I don't know how to do these things. Will you just take the money? LORELAI: I'm sorry, we at least have to go over the basics. [She pulls out napkin and scribbles on it.] LUKE: I don't want to read that. LORELAI: Well, I'm not leaving until you read this napkin. [She pushes the napkin over to Luke.] LUKE: Okay. [He reads and edits the napkin.] Fine. Okay? That's okay. That's too much. That's sufficient. [He passes the napkin back to Lorelai.] LORELAI: Okay, but what about this? [She writes something down and passes it back.] LUKE: Nicole?! LORELAI: Hey! I thought we were writing and sliding. LUKE: What about Nicole? LORELAI: I need to know her role. LUKE: There is none. LORELAI: Luke, if it's joint money, then I should acknowledge that and thank her the next time I see her... LUKE: You're not gonna see her. Now, can we stop talking about this whole thing? LORELAI: Okay, but I insist on typing up something legal and binding for this loan. LUKE: Okay, okay. I really just don't want to talk about this anymore. LORELAI: Okay. We'll dot the Is and cross the Ts another day. LUKE: Yes, we'll cross and dot. LORELAI: I just have to write down one more thing. LUKE: What! [impatiently] What is so important now? [reads the napkin] You're welcome. [Lorelai gathers up her belongings and leaves. Luke smiles down at the note.] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE FRONT HALL [The doorbell rings and the maid answers. Lorelai enters.] LORELAI: Hi. [The maid exits quickly.] EMILY: [enters speaking impatiently on a cordless phone] Gilmore -- Richard and Emily Gilmore. Look, we single-handedly put your restaurant on the map by praising your crab puffs at Eunice Pierpont Pennington's granddaughter's christening. LORELAI: Hi, Mom. [follows and waves to Emily] EMILY: [still speaking into phone] Oh, really? You're new there? Because your deft handling of this phone call displays all the signs of a seasoned and experienced hand. [brief pause] Yes, go get Trey. That's a smashing idea. [to Lorelai] Painful hello. LORELAI: What's going on? [removes coat] EMILY: You couldn't see the smoke from Stars Hollow? Lettie burned the entrée. LORELAI: Beyond edibility? 'Cause I'm not picky. EMILY: No, I could not expose you to such a loin. LORELAI: Oh, if I had a nickel. EMILY: What? LORELAI: So you had a burning loin. EMILY: And now I'm fighting to squeeze us into somewhere appropriate. LORELAI: Someone to take pity on the loinless. EMILY: Is that how you're dressed? LORELAI: Is this a trick question? EMILY: It's really not appropriate to go out in. LORELAI: Well, I did not foresee your burning loin. EMILY: Stop saying that word. LORELAI: When will I get this chance again? EMILY: I've seen that on you a dozen times. You really should update your wardrobe. LORELAI: My wardrobe is fine, Mom. EMILY: The summer lines are coming out. You should hit a store. [Richard enters.] RICHARD: No need for you to hit any more stores, Emily. You've done enough shopping for a lifetime. For Methuselah's lifetime. [to his daughter] Hello, Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi, Dad. EMILY: I didn't say I was going shopping, Richard. RICHARD: It's an instinct that requires no verbalization. EMILY: I was suggesting that your daughter update her wardrobe. RICHARD: No need to spread your disease either. EMILY: Richard! LORELAI: Really Dad, don't read more into this than what it is: just humiliating me. RICHARD: Ah. EMILY: I should hang up and let you both starve. RICHARD: What do you mean, starve? What happened to dinner? EMILY: I told you not five minutes ago that dinner was ruined. RICHARD: Did you? EMILY: Yes. RICHARD: I heard the word "loin," but I didn't think you meant dinner. [grins] LORELAI: Eh...This is making me very uncomfortable. EMILY: That's because you half listen to everything I say. [to phone] Yes, I'm still here. Good, check with him. [to Richard] I think we have a shot at Bastide. RICHARD: Isn't that a little drab? EMILY: We love Bastide. RICHARD: You love Bastide. Why don't we try that place Jason took me to last week? A lot of hip clientele. He pointed out Moby to me. He's that bald musician. LORELAI: Yep, that's pretty hip, Dad. EMILY: When did you have dinner with Moby? RICHARD: Moby was just there. Jason played me some of his music later. I liked it. EMILY: We're going to Bastide, but don't fret. Maybe the Beatles will be there and you can sit in and jam with them. RICHARD: Two of the Beatles are dead, Emily. EMILY: Only one is dead. RICHARD: No, a second Beatle died just recently. Lorelai? LORELAI: Could you press the "pause" button on this conversation? I really want Rory to hear the rest of it. EMILY: If we're going to Bastide, you should change your jacket, Richard. RICHARD: All right. EMILY: And please shave that moustache, I beg of you. RICHARD: I want to see what it looks like fully grown, Emily. That was the agreement. EMILY: Well, it looks like a caterpillar now. In two weeks it'll look like a bigger caterpillar. RICHARD: Very funny. EMILY: I'm not trying to be funny. RICHARD: I will shave it when I shave it. [moves to stairs] EMILY: [into phone] Yes. Yes, we'll be there. Thank you. [to Richard] Wait! They said they can take us if we can be there in five minutes and order as quickly as possible. RICHARD: Well it'll take longer than that. EMILY: Not if we move. RICHARD: What about my jacket? EMILY: Doesn't matter. They'll be staring at your moustache. RICHARD: Emily. EMILY: Come on. Scoot, scoot. And be thinking about what you want. LORELAI: Whoa, just one little problem here. Rory? EMILY: What about her? LORELAI: She's not here yet. EMILY: She's not coming. LORELAI: She's not coming? EMILY: No, she's been sick all week. I told her to stay in her dorm and rest. LORELAI: She's been sick? EMILY: Didn't you know? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I knew. EMILY: [hurries out the door] I'm having sea bass. Think, think. RICHARD: Mm-hmm. [He shuts the door behind him.] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai types on a laptop, staring at the screen.] LORELAI: I knew it. [She dials the phone.] RORY: Hello? LORELAI: We have an e-mail relationship. RORY: Hi. LORELAI: [gasps] She speaks. She has the ability. RORY: What's wrong? LORELAI: Are you okay? Are you sick? RORY: I'm getting over a cold. You knew that. LORELAI: No, I didn't, because our once-wonderful relationship -- envy of all the world, more intimate than that of the naked couple in the "love is..." cartoons -- has degenerated into e-mail correspondence. RORY: I'm sure I wrote that I had a cold. LORELAI: No, you didn't. RORY: In all those e-mails, I didn't mention it? LORELAI: All those e-mails? I'm sorry, but you write less than the people offering to enlarge a piece of anatomy I do not possess. RORY: I could have sworn I told you. LORELAI: I just reread every e-mail you sent in the past ten days. No sickness mention, but you did share these gems: "Hey, what up? Is it freezing there, too? Ice." And, "Whew. Pooped." Then you added one of those obnoxious hieroglyphics that I can never read that are supposed to indicate you're laughing or smiling or frowning or vomiting. I don't know what. RORY: That's a typo. I don't do cutesy symbols. LORELAI: You're not even using verbs. That's not a relationship. Relationships need verbs. RORY: Well yours aren't much better. LORELAI: I'm not saying they are. RORY: I can never get you on the phone. LORELAI: [gasps] I can never get you! RORY: You got me now. LORELAI: Freak of nature. What do you look like. Do you look the same? RORY: Hold on. My nose ring is itching. LORELAI: Don't kid. I'm mad and needy, and I ended up going out to dinner alone with my parents, who bickered the whole time about which Beatle is alive and which is dead. RORY: So, where'd they land? LORELAI: John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking. Play hooky tomorrow. RORY: From what? LORELAI: I don't know. Whatever you got. I know you're always busy, but let's do something. RORY: What about the inn? LORELAI: They can live without me for a day. RORY: Tomorrow's actually good. LORELAI: Really? RORY: There's a newspaper thing, but I can skip that. LORELAI: Cool! What do we do? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: Mom said the summer clothing lines are out. Want to go shopping? We haven't done that in ages. RORY: But we're both totally skint. LORELAI: Huh? We're what? RORY: We're skint -- broke. It's British. LORELAI: Oh man, you've learned to speak British. I didn't even know about it. RORY: You know what I mean. LORELAI: So we won't buy anything. We'll just window-shop. RORY: That could be fun. LORELAI: It'll be like we're in an old movie, y'know? Walking around, window-shopping like Roz Russell and Ava Gardner on Fifth Avenue. RORY: I'm with you. LORELAI: Meet me at the inn, 10:00? RORY: But it's been so long. How will we recognize each other? LORELAI: We'll wear a rose in our lapels. RORY: Or dangling from my nose ring. LORELAI: You're kidding about that, right? RORY: I'm leaving you in suspense. LORELAI: Tomorrow at 10:00, Roz darling? RORY: Till tomorrow, Ava dearest. CUT TO OUTSIDE ENTRANCE OF DOOSE'S MARKET [Luke exits with a bag of groceries as Kirk approaches with a mob of leashed dogs.] KIRK: Look out. Coming through. LUKE: What's with all the dogs, Kirk? KIRK: Well, people in town saw how good I was with Lulu's dog that they asked me to watch theirs -- for a fee, of course. LUKE: What are you looking for? KIRK: Shh. Come on. [He walks around corner followed by Luke.] It's a game I'm playing with the dogs -- tracker. See, I cut one of them loose, and then the rest of us hide until we get tracked down. At the moment, we're hiding from Snuggles. LUKE: We are? KIRK: It helps them hone their tracking skills, and the kids love it. LUKE: What kids? KIRK: The babies. The dogs. LUKE: You ever the one that gets cut loose? KIRK: I've gone twice. Shh. Snuggles. Cute, but not the smartest tool in the shed. [small shaggy dog crosses the street - pauses and runs straight to Kirk] He found us! Celebrate! Come on, Luke. Celebrate! LUKE: I'll have a beer tonight. KIRK: Beer? Oh, no! We don't like beer. Beer is bad. Cookies! [all the dogs leap up onto Kirk] Cookies! Cookies! Cookies! Cookies! Celebrate! Cookies! [Dog barks] [Luke looks back at Kirk's display in disgust - turns and walks away] CUT TO CONSTRUCTION SITE OF DRAGONFLY INN [Rory enters with a rose pinned to her jacket.] TOM: Hi, Rory. RORY: Hi, Tom. How's it going? TOM: Not half bad. RORY: Then it's half good. TOM: That makes it sound better than it is. RORY: Kinda the point. TOM: What's with the flower? RORY: It's so my Mom and I will recognize each other. TOM: Girl thing? RORY: Yeah. TOM: I'm not into girl things. RORY: You're a contractor. TOM: Yep. Later. [Rory spies Dean near a stairwell and approaches him. Dean is wearing full construction gear including a hard hat.] RORY: Oh, excuse me. Can I have your autograph? DEAN: What? RORY: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were one of the Village People. DEAN: Ouch. [grinning] RORY: I'm kidding. I'm a kidder. DEAN: What are you doing here? RORY: I'm meeting my mom here. We're playing hooky. DEAN: The flower's a private joke for her? RORY: You know me well. DEAN: Yeah, I do. -- So, um, you okay and all? RORY: Yeah. Oh, that. I'm fine now. A little nervous breakdown can really work wonders for a girl. I didn't mean to lay all that on you. DEAN: That's what shoulders are for. RORY: Well, you've got a heck of an understanding shoulder. DEAN: Hey, you want to hammer something? RORY: Always. DEAN: Be my guest. [hands her a hammer] RORY: Really? DEAN: Yeah, Tom went outside. Do it. Go on. [He holds a piece of wooden stair trim for her.] RORY: I feel like I should spit or hike up my shorts or something. [She taps the hammer on the trim.] DEAN: Wow. You're a natural. RORY: I think I must have been a carpenter in another life, or just someone who really hated nails. [Lindsay and her mother Theresa enter carrying picnic baskets.] LINDSAY: Hi, Rory. RORY: Oh, hi, Lindsay. DEAN: [approaches and kisses Lindsay] Hi. LINDSAY: Are we early? DEAN: No, not at all. LINDSAY: Mom and I just wanted to get a nice jump on things today. THERESA: Did Lindsay tell you we found a new dry cleaner? DEAN: No. THERESA: Tell him, Lindsay! LINDSAY: They use less solvent, so it's cleaner. [to Rory] I'm really into the environment. RORY: Oh, me too. LINDSAY: So, are you working here? RORY: No, that was illegal hammering. Completely nonunion. Come the revolution, I shall be shot. THERESA: Let's set up lunch before everything gets cold. LINDSAY: Okay [They walk to a nearby table.] RORY: Lunch? This early? THERESA: Our Deano's up at 5:00. RORY: Deano? LINDSAY: Don't worry. Mom made lunch today, so it's safe to eat. DEAN: Lindsay's mom is teaching her how to cook. LINDSAY: It's hard. Do you know how? RORY: If you count radiator quesadillas. THERESA: I should have started teaching you sooner. Don't make that mistake with your little one. [Both chuckle] RORY: [whispers] Are you...? [Dean shakes his head no and joins Lindsay and Theresa.] [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Rory? Rory? Rory? [Gasps as she stops before a large, gruff looking construction worker near Rory. To construction worker] Rory! Rory! Rory! RORY: [pretends laughter] Ha ha. LORELAI: [to the construction worker] You're never going to attract a man looking like that. RORY: Over here, biddy bidster. LORELAI: Oh, bye. [approaches Rory and hugs her] Hi. Oh, you wore a rose! RORY: That was the agreement. LORELAI: Hey, Lindsay. Hey, Theresa. LINDSAY AND THERESA: Hi. LORELAI: You ready? RORY: Let's go. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Hey, how often does this happen? [subtly indicating in Lindsay and Theresa's direction] LORELAI: Oh, well, it's a hot lunch every day. Plus they always bring something for the group. Yesterday it was peanut brittle Lindsay made. It broke a crown, three teeth, then a HazMat team came and took it away. [exit] CUT TO MALL FOOD COURT [Lorelai and Rory are standing in front of a free-sample-guy eating food on toothpicks.] LORELAI: They put everything on pretzels nowadays. I love that RORY: You're our new best friend, Howard. LORELAI: We don't say that to just anybody. RORY: Just anybody holding free food. LORELAI: We'll be back. RORY: Stock up. LORELAI: Okay, here we go. [They both step onto the up-escalator.] RORY: Where should we start? LORELAI: Well, we're window-shopping, so let's find a window. RORY: I see rows and rows of windows. LORELAI: Hey, let's walk arm in arm like window-shopping ladies do in movies. RORY: You got it. LORELAI: I wish I'd brought a xylophone with me. There's always a bouncy xylophone playing when movie girls window-shop. [at top of escalator] So, left or right? RORY: Let's go right. LORELAI: Okay. [They wander past stores with window displays.] LORELAI: Oh, cool. RORY: Oh, that would look great on you. LORELAI: I love blue. RORY: You should make a mental note to get that when you're back in the cash. LORELAI: Done. RORY: Shall we? LORELAI: Let's shall. [They both bump into a window corner.] RORY: Oh, sorry. LORELAI: One of the risks of linked-arm walking. CUT TO OUTSIDE ENTRANCE OF KIM'S ANTIQUES [Lane approaches front door and sees her mother inside. She knocks.] MRS. KIM: Lane. LANE: Hello. MRS. KIM: Come in. LANE: Thank you. LANE: Hello, Aunt Jun. AUNT JUN: Hello. MRS. KIM: Your Aunt Jun brought your cousin Christine to help with your move. Say hello to Christine. LANE: Hello, Christine. CHRISTINE: Hello, Lane. MRS. KIM: Jun and I will remain down here while you move. You may use whatever boxes you need, plus bubble wrap and tape. Just write down what you take for inventory purposes. LANE: I will. Thank you. MRS. KIM: You're welcome. AUNT JUN: Go with Lane, Christine. [Christine silently follows Lane up the stairs to her bedroom, which is in disarray. A soon as Lane shuts the door, Christine begins to speak.] CHRISTINE: [babbles shrilly] I don't believe it! You're moving! What happened? Tell me everything! Was there a fight? Are you getting married? No female Kim has ever moved out without getting married. You're not getting married, right? I love the floorboard thing! It's so "Hogan's Heroes!" I wonder if I can pull up the floorboards at my house. Have you heard of the Libertines? What about the White Stripes? Is it over for them? What about Zeppelin? I'm getting more retro. What's a good Zeppelin? [Lane ignores Christine and gathers her belongings.] CHRISTINE: "II," "III"? "III"'s got "Stairway to Heaven," right? Man, it's like a funeral down there. I thought my mom was harsh, but your mom makes the guy from Joy Division look like one of the Teletubbies. Are you taking all of this? Is she going through the boxes before you leave? Where do you buy the CDs with the swear words? Did you buy them in disguise? Did someone buy them for you? Have you ever -- LANE: Hey Kid, do I look green and wrinkly to you? No? That's right. I'm not Yoda. So if you're looking for a mentor, call the Dalai Lama. What I'm here to do is get my stuff and split. Now be quiet and start assembling boxes. And "Stairway to Heaven" is from "Led Zeppelin IV." If you're going to get into classic rock, know it, don't blow it! [ Sighs and resumes packing ] CUT TO STAIRWELL [Lane and Christine ddescendthe stairs. Lane carries a large box.] CHRISTINE: [whispering] Do you have a car? Are you getting a car? Do you have a license? Are Kims allowed to drive? I'm dying to drive. [Christine is silent again when they enter the room where Mrs. Kim and Jun are sitting.] LANE: [sighs] I left the inventory list in the room. MRS. KIM: Very good. LANE: I guess I'll be going. MRS. KIM: Yes. AUNT JUN: Step away from Lane, Christine. [Lane and Mrs. Kim look at each other silently. Lane sighs and exits. Mrs. Kim sips her tea as the door closes.] [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO MALL [Lorelai and Rory are still walking along outside the stores. They pause before a large window.] LORELAI: Oh, that's nice. RORY: Which? LORELAI: That. [pointing] RORY: The skirt and the blouse? LORELAI: Yeah. More the skirt than the blouse. RORY: I like them both. LORELAI: Good colors RORY: Oh, they have nice-looking jackets. LORELAI: Where? RORY: In the back there. [pointing] LORELAI: Oh, cute. [half-heartedly] RORY: Mental note. LORELAI: Absolutely. Next window? RORY: Sure. LORELAI: Okay, this sucks. RORY: Completely. LORELAI: This is the least amount of fun I've ever had, barring the time we went to Mummenschanz. RORY: Oh, this is way less fun. LORELAI: Window-shopping? What was I thinking? RORY: But it sounds fun. It should be fun. LORELAI: Not if you think about it. I mean, window-shopping is like going to a museum, but you're actually interested in what you're looking at, and everyone can buy something except for you. RORY: I've made so many mental notes in my head of things to get that I think my head has actually gotten bigger. LORELAI: Look at all these haughty people with their bags, just rubbing our faces in it. What were Roz Russell and Ava Gardner thinking? RORY: What movie did you see them window-shop in? LORELAI: I don't know that I did. I just picked two old movie-actress names. I don't know that I've seen anyone window-shop in a movie ever. RORY: So, this whole outing was a house of sand built on a foundation of straw. LORELAI: Hey, maybe if we went in the store, it would be better. RORY: Well, it would be way better than just pressing our noses up against the windows. [They walk inside a store. Moments later they rush out.] RORY: Nope. LORELAI: Worse! RORY: Much worse. LORELAI: Time to pull the plug, hon. RORY: But what do we do? It's still morning. LORELAI: We could ride the glass elevator up and down. RORY: Oh, God, we're sad. LORELAI: They've got a merry-go-round. RORY: It costs money. LORELAI: Right, and we're skint. RORY: Plus dirty diapers have touched those seats. LORELAI: Well, let's just go somewhere where things are not for sale. Let's be rid of temptation. RORY: Sounds good. CUT TO TOP OF ESCALATOR [Lorelai and Rory peer downstairs to food court area.] RORY: Do you see Howard? LORELAI: I see Howard, and he's got a fresh batch. [They eagerly step onto the escalator.] RORY: I'm looking forward to Howard. [Lorelai spots Emily at the bottom of the nearby up escalator. She's riding toward them.] LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: What? LORELAI: Emily. [hides her face with hand] RORY: Emily who? [imitates her mother's gesture] LORELAI: "Emily the Strange" with the black cat and the boots made for kicking. Who do you think? RORY: Grandma's here? Are you sure? LORELAI: Very sure. RORY: Why are we hiding? LORELAI: Reflex. RORY: We have to say hello to her. LORELAI: Why? We're two ships. We're passing. RORY: If she sees us hiding, we're going to have to explain. LORELAI: So hide good. [pulls Rory close to hide behind her] EMILY: Lorelai, Rory! LORELAI: Mom, hi. RORY: Hi, Grandma. EMILY: Meet me up here. LORELAI: Oh, we're going down. EMILY: Meet me up here! LORELAI: Okay. [They both start to walk up the down escalator.] EMILY: [impatient] Go down, then meet me up here! LORELAI: Right. Coming. Oh, we stink at hiding. [sighs] CUT TO TOP OF ESCALATOR [Lorelai and Rory exit the escalator and approach Emily.] LORELAI AND RORY: Hi. Hi. Wow [weak chuckle] EMILY: What are you doing here? I thought you were both swamped with work. LORELAI: Uh, well, yes, well, Rory got a special, uh -- RORY: The chancellor gave me a -- LORELAI: I actually was able to take -- RORY: -- half a day. LORELAI: -- a half a day, too. And so we've -- RORY: -- just to spend some time. LORELAI: We're playing hooky. EMILY: Well then, just say that. How long have you been here? LORELAI: Hour and a half. EMILY: Where are your bags? RORY: We're just window-shopping. EMILY: Window-shopping? LORELAI: Like Roz Russell and Ava Gardner. EMILY: What's the fun in that? RORY: There's no fun in that. LORELAI: We're thinking of suing Roz and Ava's estates. EMILY: Well, come on. LORELAI: Oh. Ah. Where? EMILY: Shopping. Come on. Pip-pip. [starts to walk off] LORELAI: Mom, we were just leaving. EMILY: You're not leaving. Now, come on. LORELAI: I guess we're following my mother. RORY: She's very aggressive today. LORELAI: I think the passive part of her personality is playing hooky. EMILY: [exasperated] Come on! LORELAI: Coming! CUT TO LANE'S NEW APARTMENT [Lane unpacks while Brian sits on the floor. Zach carries boxes inside.] LANE: Hey, did you guys bring silverware or drinking glasses or anything for the kitchen? BRIAN: I didn't. LANE: We've no bowls! We have no cups! [opens a kitchen cabinet and gasps ] But we do have a him. ZACH: Him? Him who? BRIAN: There's a him in one of the cupboards? LANE: An ex-him, to be exact. He's belly-up. He was a big boy, too. A big, fat, belly-up big boy. [Zach drops a box on top of a pile.] BRIAN: Hey, watch it. That's my stereo! ZACH: We didn't need your stereo, Brian. We've got my stereo. LANE: We've got three stereos and no forks. [exits to another room] BRIAN: We're kind of lacking in shelf space. ZACH: Well, maybe you should skip displaying your Futurama action figures. That might open space up a bit. LANE: [returns in a panic] There are no curtains on the windows! People can see right in. BRIAN: What if we're naked? ZACH: Please, never be naked. BRIAN: I try not to be. LANE: And how can there be no refrigerator? BRIAN: There's no refrigerator? LANE: I just assumed there'd be one! ZACH: Great, so it's back to the Middle Ages for us. Let's start storing meat in stocks of salt. LANE: Is that someone looking in? [exits again] [Brian plugs something into the light socket.] ZACH: What's that? BRIAN: It's a night light. ZACH: Dude, when the s*x Pistols roomed together, no way did they have a night light. BRIAN: You don't know that. ZACH: I read Johnny Rotten's book. There's no mention of a night light. LANE: [returns to room] Towels! I don't have towels. [holds up a pitiful washcloth] I've got this. This is not gonna work. ZACH: Hey, when you said you had a bed for me, you didn't say it would be bunk beds. BRIAN: But they're cool. The bottom one's like a fort. ZACH: We're not playing fort. LANE: We've got to start a list. Anyone have paper or a pen or money? ZACH: Dude, look, this is my side of the shelf. Your stuff's encroaching. BRIAN: It's not encroaching. ZACH: Bender and Leela are on my side. Put them back on your side. BRIAN: That's not Bender. That's Nibbler. Bender's a robot. ZACH: Are you remotely aware that you're not twelve? BRIAN: They're on my side! ZACH: They're on my side, dude. Move them. LANE: Guys, stop! Look down. There's a whole empty shelf for you to use, so you can stop bickering. BRIAN: But we put that aside for you. LANE: What? ZACH: For your CDs and stuff. You need a shelf, Lane. [After a short pause Lane hugs them both.] BRIAN: Jeez. You smeared my glasses. LANE: [grateful tears] This is gonna work, one step at a time. ZACH: Listen, we set aside a shelf for you in the john, too. You don't need to hug us for that. CUT TO MALL DEPARTMENT STORE [Lorelai and Rory rush to keep pace with Emily.] LORELAI: [sighs] Uh, Mom, where the fire? EMILY: We have a lot to get through. [A sales girl approaches them.] SALES GIRL: Mrs. Gilmore, did I know you were coming? EMILY: Not unless you're clairvoyant. SALES GIRL: What are we looking for today? EMILY: What are we not looking for? This is my daughter, Lorelai, and my granddaughter, Rory. SALES GIRL: Nice to meet you. LORELAI: Same here. RORY: Hi. EMILY: What's new? I want a full report. SALES GIRL: We have a china set that just arrived still in its crate that screams "Emily Gilmore." EMILY: Hand-painted? SALES GIRL: Designed in 1870 for the Shah of Persia -- the finest. Would you like to see it? EMILY: No need. Give me a set of twelve. Plus soup tureens, sauce boats, the works. What else? SALES GIRL: Doreen. [calling out to approaching woman who joins them keeping brisk pace] EMILY: That's gorgeous. [glancing at a glass ornament] SALES GIRL: From Giorgio Baldi's studio in Venice. They only made eighteen. EMILY: Wrap them up. SALES GIRL: Right away. [exits] [Emily stops short in the aisle. Lorelai slams into her back.] EMILY: Lorelai! LORELAI: Your brake lights were out. EMILY: You! [calling out to salesman] You've got Richard Gilmore's sizes on file. Pull the latest Brionis in an assortment of colors and charge them to our account. SALESMAN: Yes, ma'am. RORY: [to Lorelai] What are Brionis? LORELAI: Six months of my car payments, plus a car. EMILY: Include accessories and three pairs of loafers -- Italian. They should feel like butter. Make it four. Hell, make it six. SALESMAN: Yes, ma'am. EMILY: And jewelry. Add an assortment of jewelry appropriate for a man with a moustache. What would that be? Bracelets, pinkie rings? SALESMAN: Well... EMILY: And a moustache comb -- the most expensive one you've got. SSALESMAN I will look. Excuse me. [rushes off] LORELAI: Uh, Mom - [hurrying to keep pace] EMILY: Keep up. LORELAI: Does Dad even want any of this stuff? EMILY: He doesn't know what he wants, Lorelai, so I choose what he wants. LORELAI: Excuse me. [stopping in front of display] SECOND SALESMAN: Yes? EMILY: I want this. SECOND SALESMAN: I'm sorry, ma'am, that is just a display. It's not for sale. EMILY: Everything's for sale. SECOND SALESMAN: I will take care of it. [exits] LORELAI: Mom, Dad does not need another globe. EMILY: Then Rory can have it. She can use a globe. [keeps walking] RORY: It doesn't even have the right countries on it. LORELAI: C'mon. RORY: Or California. [They walk through the store to the women's accessories department.] EMILY: Start picking! LORELAI: Start picking what? EMILY: Everything, anything! LORELAI: Mom, we don't have any money. EMILY: It's on your father. RORY: But, Grandma -- EMILY: [beckons nearby salesgirl] Some help, please.[snaps fingers] You like hats? RORY: Uh, kind of. [A third Sales girl approaches.] EMILY: That one. Put it on her. LORELAI: Ooh. [giggles] EMILY: I like it. These scarves all match, and of course you'll need gloves. We'll take them all. [walks on] LORELAI: Hey, see those marbles rolling on the floor? They're Mom's. They spilled out of her head. RORY: I do like the chapeau. LORELAI: Do not get sucked in! This is craziness! RORY: It's just a hat. LORELAI: It's a symbol. RORY: We don't know what it's symbolizing. Resist. EMILY: Lorelai! LORELAI: Ugh. [Lorelai joins Emily at the fine jewelry counter.] EMILY: You need a watch. LORELAI: I don't wear a watch. EMILY: Do you have a watch? LORELAI: No. EMILY: Then you need a watch. [to saleswoman] These don't have diamonds. Which ones have diamonds? WOMAN: Next display. LORELAI: Mom, I'm not buying a diamond watch. EMILY: You just have to take it. LORELAI: I'm not taking it. EMILY: I'm buying you a damn watch! [glances in the glass display case and points] That one. Wrap it up. LORELAI: [to saleswoman] Can I return the damn watch if I don't want it? WOMAN: Yes, ma'am. LORELAI: Thank you. [She glances at Rory in the distance - being fussed over.] CUT TO OTHER PART OF STORE [Lorelai and Rory trail behind Emily.] LORELAI: Are you keeping track? RORY: I lost count. LORELAI: She bought me four cocktail dresses, two evening gowns, and if I'm not mistaken, eight maids a-milking. RORY: By the way, she bought you a wedding dress when you weren't looking. Vera Wang. LORELAI: Why didn't you stop her? RORY: Well how do you stop a top from spinning around? LORELAI: This is too much. EMILY: Girls, come on. Keep up. LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: Stop dawdling and start picking some shoes. LORELAI: Mom -- EMILY: These Manolo Blahniks would look great on you. [Lorelai's expression changes to interest] LORELAI: [imitating Gollum] Oh, me wants them, my precious. RORY: You told me to resist. LORELAI: Yeah, but that's before I saw these. These are works of art. They should be in the Louvre. CUT TO EMILY AND SALES GIRL SALES GIRL: Mrs Gilmore, I'm sorry. We only four of the Venetian apples in. If you want the rest, we can have them shipped. EMILY: Well, give me the four today and ship the rest overnight whatever the cost. SALES GIRL: Yes, ma'am. LORELAI: Mom, a quick word. EMILY: Where are your shoes? LORELAI: Wait. What is the rush on the funny glass apples? EMILY: They're not funny, and I want them. That's the rush. LORELAI: Yes, but you've already put quite a dent in your credit card for things you don't seem to need. EMILY: So? LORELAI: So it's crazy. EMILY: Crazy? You think this is crazy? [voice gets louder] LORELAI: Okay, Mom -- EMILY This isn't crazy! LORELAI: I didn't mean to -- EMILY: That stupid moustache is crazy! That's what's crazy! Your father's job is crazy! That's what's crazy! He was supposed to be slowing down, and now he's club-hopping with Jason and hanging out with Moby and having secret lunches with women and lying about it! LORELAI: Mom, Calm down. EMILY: Why should I calm down? Are you on his side? Do you like that moustache? LORELAI: I'm not taking sides. EMILY: I should go to bars! I should hang out with Moby! He'd hate that. LORELAI: Mom, I'm just suggesting that you slow down on the shopping. This doesn't have to be a whole big thing. EMILY: Why do I need to slow down? This is what I do, according to Richard. And he's not slowing down. He's got a whole new life. He's got Pennilyn Lott, he's got Digger, he's got a moustache! He's got all that and what do I have? Maybe I should get a job so I can have my own life. I could sell shoes here just as well Eduardo. I should get an application. [Calls out loudly] Get me an application! Go, go! LORELAI: Mom -- EMILY: I hate that moustache, and he refuses to shave it! LORELAI: Mom, let's take a break. EMILY: I don't want to take a break! LORELAI: Well, we do, and my feet are killing me. EMILY: Well, then get some new shoes! LORELAI: Come on. CUT TO MALL FOOD COURT EMILY: Where are we going? LORELAI: Right around the corner here. EMILY: We really should have taken our bags. LORELAI: They said they'd hold them. EMILY: I'm totally turned around. Where are we? RORY: You'll smell in a second. EMILY: [gasps] What is this? RORY: It's the food court. EMILY: How long has this been here? LORELAI: You've never been to the food court, Mom? EMILY: No. RORY: Where do you eat when you shop? EMILY: I leave and go to a restaurant. LORELAI: With this Valhalla of international cuisine so close? EMILY: But it's cafeteria-style. RORY: That's the fun. LORELAI: Here. Best table in the house. EMILY: It's plastic. RORY: Plastic is a vital part of our bright tomorrow. LORELAI: Soon we'll all be living in plastic houses. RORY: On the moon. EMILY: What are you talking about? RORY: We're pulling your leg, Grandma. EMILY: Well don't do that. LORELAI: So what are you in the mood for? EMILY: I don't know. RORY: I want Mexican. LORELAI: I kind of feel like Moroccan and Chinese. RORY: So smorgasbord. LORELAI: Yeah. Come on. EMILY: Wait. Here. [tries to hand Lorelai a credit card] LORELAI: Oh, no, Mom. Moe's Moroccan Palace does not take credit cards. EMILY: You're kidding. LORELAI: It's on us. [to Rory] Keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn't wander off. CUT TO MINUTES LATER IN FOOD COURT [Lorelai and Rory approach the table, each carrying a food tray. A mall employee trails behind them with more trays.] LORELAI: [cell phone to her ear] The ad cannot run with the color composition the way it is. The drawing of the inn looks purple. [pause] Yes, I know, but I'm not paying for it looking like that. I do understand. It looks awful. [pause] Fine. Have him call me. I would love to sort it out. Okay? Thank you. Bye. [hangs up] Sorry. [They join Emily sitting at the table.] EMILY: What is all this? RORY: It's lunch. Thanks, Lou. [he exits] LORELAI: I got a little something from everywhere. EMILY: I wouldn't know where to begin. LORELAI: Well, start at the top and stop when you hit table. EMILY: I had no idea so many different kinds of foods came on sticks. RORY: Well, some come on sticks, like the hot dogs and the fried cheese dipped in batter, but others are technically kabobs. EMILY: What's in the cups? LORELAI: Well, you got your soda, your iced tea, root beer, lemonade. EMILY: I'll try this. LORELAI: Ah, Orange Julius. RORY: A classic. EMILY: Oh, my. That's very good. Your father and I know a man who owns a couple dozen of these stands as part of his holdings. Now I can sincerely tell him I like his product. LORELAI: Excellent. RORY: Oh, we forgot napkins. [stands up] LORELAI: Get some more little pepper thingies, please. So dig in, Mom. You've got sweet-and-sour pork and pizza and some wrapped thingy. I already forgot what it is, but it's probably not healthy. EMILY: Okay. LORELAI: Oh, and there's ice cream, too. We can get some after if you want. EMILY: All right. So how loud was I back there? LORELAI: Well, uh, you were heard. EMILY: If I had seen somebody act that way in a store, I would have called security. LORELAI: It's really okay, Mom. It wasn't that loud. It's totally forgotten. [Her cell phone rings and Lorelai snatches up impatiently.] Oh! Do not disturb. I'm eating. [hangs up] EMILY: What was that phone call you got before, when you were coming over with the trays? LORELAI: Oh, it's this ad we're doing for the inn. The drawing of the inn came out purple, like eggplant, like Prince chose the color. It was bad. EMILY: Sounds awful. LORELAI: It was their screw-up. Just one of the many joyous things I get to deal with on a daily basis. EMILY: You were very forceful. LORELAI: Was I? EMILY: Very in command. I like how you handled it. LORELAI: Well, I learned from the best. EMILY: From whom? LORELAI: From the lady eating her hamburger with a knife and fork. That's whom. EMILY: Oh, please. I order maids and salespeople around. That's different. I've never done anything. LORELAI: Mom, come on. That's not true. EMILY: Richard's right. I buy things. Things I don't even want. It's all I have. LORELAI: No, Mom, you have friends and family who love being with you. A-and you have a house you love. You have a whole life. You could have a dog if you want. There's a swell pet store here. You're losing perspective, Mom. You're not seeing clearly. EMILY: If he would just shave that moustache. LORELAI: And that's all it would take? Shaving his moustache? Mom, you need to talk to him. EMILY: He's always so distracted. LORELAI: No. Make him talk. You need it. And make it a real talk without bickering, without snipping, without mentioning Moby. Really clear the air. [Rory approaches and sits] RORY: I got pepper, I got napkins, I got Lou's phone number. He asked me to give it to you. LORELAI: Oh, I'm privileged. RORY: What'd I miss? EMILY: I was just admiring your mother's life. RORY: Oh, I do that daily. [They all smile thoughtfully and eat in silence.] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW SIDEWALK AT NIGHT [Luke walks down the sidewalk, pausing to watch Kirk taping signs to light posts.] KIRK:[gasps] Oh, God! Oh, God! [Luke enters Joe's Game Gallery] LUKE: Hey, Joe. JOE: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Can I get twenty singles off you? JOE: Sure. It's gonna cost you $25. [ Chuckles - Luke doesn't react] It's change humor. LUKE: I know. You do it every time. JOE: I'll get them for you. [he exits] LUKE: Thanks. [approaches Dean at video game] DEAN: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Hi, Dean. DEAN: Wait. Hold on. [after a moment game ends] Aw. LUKE: No, you did good. JOE: Short of your record, though, Dean. DEAN: Yeah, I'll get there. JOE: He's the reigning champ of every game in here. LUKE: Wow! DEAN: I'm not here that much. I just come after dinner sometimes, y'know. Lindsay and her mom kind of like me out of the way when they're cleaning up. LUKE: They kick you out, huh? DEAN: I just slip out. They don't really notice. LUKE: So how's married life treating you? DEAN: Good. Real good. Lindsay's great. LUKE: Yeah, she seems great. DEAN: And her parents are fantastic. I mean, they help out so much. LUKE: Like with the cleaning up. DEAN: Her dad's over all the time, fixing things. Lindsay's got this list for him to do. LUKE: Great. DEAN: They're the most unselfish people I know. LUKE: I've seen them around. The dad works for the county, doesn't he? He's a surveyor or something? DEAN: Yeah. Oh. He, uh, he used to. But I think now he... [Dean becomes distracted when he notices Rory and Lorelai outside the window.] I think he's, um...actually, he manages an apartment, so he oversees the guys, and he's not really, um... [Luke looks over his shoulder to see why Dean is distracted.] LUKE: Not surveying much. DEAN: Yeah, he's not in the field much. LUKE: Okay, well, I'll let you get back to your game. DEAN: Yeah. Hey, uh, see you later, man. [Joe approaches and hands Luke the singles.] LUKE: Thanks. [exits] [Dean sighs.] CUT TO INTERIOR OF LUKE'S DINER [Luke enters and sees Lorelai and Rory sitting at a table with loads of merchandise strewn atop.] Luke: [sighs] What are you doing? LORELAI: Taking inventory. RORY: We should return it all. LORELAI: Mom's gonna expect to see us with something she bought us. We have to keep something. RORY: Seven hundred dollar yoga bag? LUKE: Get out of here. LORELAI: Oh, yes, my friend, rich people like their sweaty mats to have expensive homes. RORY: We could each keep a little clutch purse. LORELAI: What's that tubey one for? RORY: Lifesavers. LORELAI: The candy? RORY: Yep. LUKE: Get out of here. RORY: Turquoise leather jacket? LORELAI: Hm, pass. Hair clips with diamond Betty Boops? RORY: Pass. Tropical-print embroidered bikini? LORELAI: Not me. [holds it up to show Luke] Luke? LUKE: This is sick. LORELAI: This I'll take. [holds up florescent totebag] RORY: Oh, no. I have dibs on that. LORELAI: In your mind. RORY: I said it in the store. LORELAI: Yeah and I said it, too. And I clutched it. It still has my clutch marks. RORY: You do realize that the one thing we're fighting over is the free tote bag that came with our purchase. LORELAI: It's a nice totebag LUKE: I'm upset just watching this. LORELAI: This is your window on a whole other world, Luke. The world of worthless rich-people stuff. People of means see what they want and simply take it, regardless of others. LUKE: You pour your own coffee? LORELAI: Oh, err, yeah. LUKE: You're not supposed to do that. LORELAI: Oh yeah [sheepish] sorry, I won't do it again. [takes a gulp] LUKE: Um-hm. [A dog yelps outside. They look out the window and see Kirk taping up signs. Then Kirk enters the diner, carrying a small shaggy dog.] KIRK: Does anyone know who this is? LORELAI: No. LUKE: Yeah, it's Snuggles. LORELAI: You know Snuggles? KIRK: It's not Snuggles. It's the dog that looks like Snuggles. Snuggles' owner picked him up. No one picked this guy up and he has no tag. LUKE: You have a dog left over. LORELAI: You knew Snuggles by name? KIRK: I don't have time for chitchat here, people! LUKE: I have no idea whose dog it is. LORELAI: Me either. RORY: Sorry. KIRK: I don't even know his name. I was using random sounds, trying to see if he'd respond. Paku. Gnocchi. Nini. Bleeblo. Nothing. LUKE: Sorry. [walks off] KIRK: I've got to put up more flyers. Sunna. Lipdoo. Funo. [exits] LORELAI: [sighs] Thank God. I'm so tired. RORY: Me too, and I have to get back to Yale. LORELAI: I had a great time today. RORY: So did I. LORELAI: Okay, good. We should make this a regular part of our weekly schedule? RORY: Sounds good. LORELAI: So next Tuesday? RORY: Tuesday's good. Oh, shoot. I can't. Wednesday? LORELAI: Uh, sure. I'll have to cancel plans with Jason. RORY: Don't cancel plans with Jason. Dumb me, I've got class that night anyway. LORELAI: All right. Skip ahead a week. RORY: I hate that we have to schedule time like this. LORELAI: But if we don't, we don't see each other, right? RORY: Right. LORELAI: So what about the weekend? RORY: I'll be at Friday night dinner at Grandma's. LORELAI: Great. I won't. Not this one. Darn. RORY: Uh-huh. LORELAI: Yeah. Hey, you want pie? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: 'Cause I'm getting my second wind. [walks to counter] RORY: Me too. Let's have pie. LORELAI: [calls out] Hey, Luke, we're having pie. [She removes the pie's glass cover and starts removing slices.] LUKE: [calls from the kitchen] Okay, just wait for me to serve it. LORELAI: Okay. [She continues removing a second slice onto napkins.] RORY: Should we be worried about Grandma? LORELAI: Oh, I think she'll be okay. [Lorelai returns to the table with pie.] RORY: Was anything resolved? Are she and Grandpa gonna be all right? LORELAI: Don't worry about it. They're a team. They'll be okay. RORY: Good. I like them. [begins eating with fingers] LORELAI: I know. [takes a bite] [Luke brings plates and forks transfers napkins to plates] RORY: Thanks [Lorelai pulls out her rosebud and hands it to Luke. While they resume eating, Luke walks away sniffing the rose.] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE DINING ROOM [Richard and Emily are eating together in their usual places at opposite ends of the table. The room is silent with the exception of a big clock ticking in the background.] RICHARD: Did you deal with that business with the gardeners? EMILY: Not yet. RICHARD: Hmm. We need to resolve that. Those vines are out of control. EMILY: I'll see to it. RICHARD: Be nice to have that finished by the time I get back. EMILY: Get back? From where? RICHARD: Jason and I are meeting some clients in Manhattan. It's some new place downtown -- Tribeca, I think. It's really an up-and-coming area. I'll probably stay in the city, take the train in the morning. Is that all right with you? EMILY: That's fine. [long pause] What do you think of these? [indicates table arrangements] RICHARD: Hmm? EMILY: The apples. RICHARD: Oh. I've always liked those. [After a long pause Emily resumes eating.]
Plan: A: Kirk; Q: Who branches out into a new canine-centered career? A: Lulu; Q: Who does Kirk start dog sitting for? A: Paris; Q: Who goes into germ-phobic overdrive when Rory gets a cold? A: Rory; Q: Who does Dean look for when he tries to paint a happy picture of his life? A: a frigid reception; Q: What does Lane get from her aunt and mother when she moves in with Zach and Brian? A: her things; Q: What does Lane pack up and move out of her apartment? A: Lorelai; Q: Who reassures Emily that she's accomplished a lot? A: hooky; Q: What do Lorelai and Rory decide to play when they realize their relationship is increasingly being conducted over email and the phone? A: window shopping; Q: What do Lorelai and Rory do in the mall? A: Emily; Q: Who confesses to Lorelai that she feels ignored and neglected by her husband? A: a shopping binge meltdown; Q: What is Emily in the middle of when Lorelai and Rory run into her? A: Luke; Q: Who lends Lorelai the money she needs to finish construction on the Inn? A: the thirty thousand dollars; Q: What does Luke lend Lorelai to finish construction on the Inn? A: Richard; Q: Who does Emily feel she can't talk to about her anger? A: the connection; Q: What does Emily want to make with Richard? A: a peek; Q: What do Rory and Luke get into Dean's life as a married man? A: Dean's wistful looks; Q: What does Luke notice about Dean's behavior towards Rory? A: a happy picture; Q: What does Dean try to paint of his life with Lindsay and her parents? Summary: Kirk branches out from dog sitting for Lulu into a new canine-centered career; Paris goes into germ-phobic overdrive when Rory gets a cold; Lane gets an apartment with Zach and Brian and faces a frigid reception from her aunt and mother, and an overly-eager, non-stop-talking cousin when she packs up her things and moves out; when they realize that their relationship is increasingly being conducted over email and the phone, Lorelai and Rory decide to play hooky and go window shopping in the mall, where they run into Emily in the middle of a shopping binge meltdown; Luke lends Lorelai the thirty thousand dollars she needs to finish construction on the Inn; after Emily confesses that the shopping binge and bickering with Richard stems from her anger at being ignored, neglected, and made to feel useless by her husband, Lorelai reassures her of how much she's accomplished and urges her to talk to Richard, but Emily can't seem to make the connection with her husband she so desperately desires; Rory and Luke get a peek into Dean's life as a married man, and Luke gets an inkling that something is amiss when he catches Dean's wistful looks towards Rory as Dean unsuccessfully tries to paint a happy picture of life with Lindsay and her parents.
[Scene: Show starts with the ending scene from the previous episode. Joey makes a quick snowball with the new fallen snow.] Joey: 2 to 3 is the count. Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded. Sammy something is up to bat. Potter's one last shot at immortality. The windup, the pitch. [Snowball hits a nearby crosswalk sign.] Ahh! And the crowd goes wild! [Scene: Joey is walking down the sidewalk, snow all around, humming "Close to You." She passes by a bank and then reverses her direction and enters the bank. While gettin some money from an ATM machine, she calls Professor Wilder on her cell phone. Meanwhile, there is a guy trying to get into the bank in the background.] Joey: Hi, Professor Wilder? Ok. David, then. Feels weird. Um, so I'm done here. Is--is it ok if I still stop by? Ok, well, I'm just about to get on the "t", so... I'll see you in a bit. Bye. [She grabs her money, heads out the bank, and starts walking down the sidewalk.] Joey: [Humming] Close to you [Humming] Close to you [Humming] [A guy stealthily walks up behind her.] Mugger: [Pops out of nowhere.] Hey. Joey: [stunned expression] Hey. Mugger: I didn't mean to scare you or anything. Joey: Well, you did, so... Mugger: So, where you headin'? Joey: Home. Mugger: Where's home? Joey: Uh, none of your business. Mugger: Ooh, snotty. I like--[She steps in front of him and starts walking. He follows.] Hey. I'm not gonna mug you or anything, if that's what you're worried about. Joey: Good to know. Mugger: [Still keeping up with the girl.]And I'm not about to force myself on you. I can get my own dates. Thank you very much. Don't look so relieved. As far as potential rapists go-- Joey: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but-- Mugger: Hey, hey, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, who is this guy? Why is he violating my envelope of space? Well... truth is, I was wondering if you had any money that I could borrow. Joey: No. Mugger: No? You're not even gonna think about it? Joey: I've thought about it, and I said no. [Increases her walking speed.] Mugger: See, this--this... is the problem with the world. I mean, you put yourself out there. Y-you make yourself vulnerable. They just shoot you down without a second thought. Joey: Listen. I'm sorry. I don't have any money, ok? And seriously, you're scaring me, and I ju--I just want to get home. Mugger: Ok. Fair enough. I'm sorry for the hassle. Want me to walk you home? Joey: No. [Walks ahead.] Mugger: That's understandable, but you know, you should be careful, sweetheart. I mean, it's late. Next guy you come across, he might not be as nice as me. [stays back for a moment] [Sirens in the background.] Mugger: Be good. [Pops in front of her again] Actually, you know what? Uh, I've given it some thought, and I'd rather if you did lend me that money. [Pulls up his shirt revealing a gun stuck in his jeans.] How's that work for you? [Joey is shocked and scared.] [Special, solemn opening credits] [Scene: The stranger has a gun in his hand and its pointed at Joey.] Mugger: What? You think I'm just gonna let you walk off once the handgun's made an appearance? Give me a break. [Pulls Joey over to the side of a building.] Let's go over here. Come on. Just give me what you got. I assure you this will all end reasonably well. Joey: Look, I don't have anything to give you. Mugger: First of all, hon, you just walked out of an ATM. Secondly, rich little college girl like you... where do you go? Harvard? Wellesley? Joey: Worthington. Mugger: Ha ha. See? That's very nice. Joey: Doesn't make me any less broke at the moment. Mugger: Are you gettin' scared? Don't be scared. Joey: That's easy for you to say. You're holding the gun. Mugger: Ok, be scared, but just so you know, I really don't have any intention of using it. [Puts gun back in his jeans.] Joey: Right. This from the guy who 5 minutes ago said he had no intention of mugging me. Mugger: Just trying to put you at ease. Joey: Maybe you should have thought twice about, I don't know, mugging me. Mugger: What's done is done. Water under the bridge and whatnot. I think we're gonna have to get past it. I mean, if we're gonna have a successful mugger/muggee relationship here. Don't you? Joey: Is there any chance that gun may accidentally go off in your pants, because that would be really great. Mugger: You know what? [Pushes Joey hard against a nearby wall.]You, young lady, are a wise-ass, you know that? And I may just have to shoot you yet. [Grabs a hold of Joey's arm] Let's go. Gimme what you got. Come on. Joey: [hand him the money.] 20 bucks. You scored. Mugger: Come on. You gotta be kidding me. This is barely bus fare. Joey: Guess I left my wads of hundreds in another jeans. Mugger: Well, you got a cell phone or something. Right? Joey: No. Mugger: Telling me the truth? Joey: Yes. Mugger: So it's ok if I pat you down? 'Cause that might be kind of fun. [Joey reaches in her coat and gives him her cell phone.] Mugger: Oh, cool. Joey: [Trying her hardest to hold her composure.] Yeah, I hope you get a decent signal in prison. Mugger: Tone. Watch it. [looks at phone] Oh, wow. This is a nice one. This is, like, really light. Aesthetically pleasing. Can I, uh, go on the internet with this thing? [Joey slowly takes a few steps back, while he is checking out the phone, and kicks him. Joey grabs her cell phone from the pavement and runs away, while dialing someone...police probably. The mugger catches up and tackles her to the ground.] Joey: [Shouting in agony.] Aah! Aah! Mugger: Ha ha ha. That was not cool. Joey: Sorry. Mugger: Are you crazy? How do you know I'm not gonna kill you for that? Joey: Is that what you're gonna do? You gonna kill me? Mugger: I don't know. I haven't made up my mind yet. Joey: Well, in the meantime, get the hell off of me! Mugger: Ha ha ha ha ha [He helps her to her feet.] Mugger: Give me that damn cell phone. What is your name? Joey: That's none of your business. Mugger: [Cocks gun] What is your name? Joey: Joey. Mugger: Joey. I like Joey. I've always liked boys names for girls. It's cute. Joey: My parents will be thrilled. Are we done here? Mugger: What do you think, Joey? Joey: Look, you have my money and my cell phone. What else do you want? [A moment of staring.] Joey: Well, you're gonna have to kill me then. Mugger: Don't flatter yourself. You got a credit card? ATM card? One of those jazzy little check cards that are all the rage these days? If you have it, give it to me. Don't screw around. Give it to me. Unless, of course, you want me to pat you down. [She hands him her wallet.] Thank you. [Sighs] Well, credit card's fairly useless. You'll just cancel that first chance you get. Unless of course, I kill you. [Joey gives him a deadly stare.] Kidding. [Looks in her wallet.]Oh! ATM card. Ok. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go down to the little ATM vestibule over here. You're gonna take out all your money, and you're gonna give it to me. Joey: I only have $27 in my account. Mugger: I don't buy that for a second, Joey who goes to Worthington. Joey: Well, it's true. Mugger: [Puts arm around her shoulders.] Prove it. [They walk together into the bank, over to the ATM machine.] Mugger: All right. Work your magic. I won't look. Joey: [Brings up her account.] 47 bucks. Mugger: I get kicked in the gut for 47 bucks? Joey: No. Don't forget the cell phone. Mugger: [Brings up her savings account.] What about your savings? [Joey has a worried look on her face as her account displays $507.72.] Disco. Hee hee hee! Don't worry, sweetie. I'm sure daddy'll cut you a check first thing Monday. Oh, you so want to punch me in the face right now, don't you? I mean, I understand, I really do, but I got bills to pay. Sorry if that's slightly more important to me than you buying yourself a new pair of manolo blahniks. Joey: Did you ever think of getting a job? Mugger: Hey. I have a job. Joey: Oh, yeah? Doing what? Mugger: Not that it's any of your business, but I guess you could say I'm in sales. Joey: [sarcastically]Let me guess. Telemarketing? Mugger: Ha. Funny. More like pharmaceuticals. Joey: Oh, you're a drug dealer. Mugger: Ohh, you say that with such disgust. Joey: Oh, I didn't know your industry was worthy of such honor and respect. Mugger: You know, I've got some clients that go to Worthington. Joey: Hmm. You should stop by sometime. We can catch up. Mugger: You know, call me crazy, but I like you, Joey. I mean, except for that little kung fu kick out there, you've made this experience a very pleasant one. A lot of people, they would have pissed their pants by now, but you, you held it together, kept your sense of humor. You know what? I'm not even gonna hold that violent little outburst of yours against you. Joey: Gee, thanks. Mugger: I mean, another time, another place... Joey: what? Mugger: You and me might make a scorching couple. Joey: You must be dipping into your supply. Mugger: You cannot tell me that you don't find me the slightest bit attractive. Joey: Oh, yeah. You're a real catch. Except for maybe that little part about you being a lowlife criminal. Mugger: Oh, yeah. That's original. Let's pick on the drug dealer. That's an easy target. Joey: Can I go now? Mugger: No, you can't. I have another question for you. Joey: What? Mugger: Are you a virgin? Joey: Could you be any more of a dick right now? Mugger: Yeah. I could kill ya, or worse, even. Uh, uh, uh, uh! Just screwing with ya. I do have another question though, if that's ok. Joey: What? Mugger: Ok. You're a girl. Joey: Yes. Mugger: Do you have a boyfriend? Joey: No. Mugger: Well, have you ever had a boyfriend? Joey: Yes. Mugger: Ok. So, if you had a boyfriend right now and you were mad at him, what might be the best way to get back in your good graces? Joey: Somebody actually dates you? Mugger: Hey, somebody actually married me. Joey: Sorry to hear that, for her sake. Mugger: Yeah, well, somebody's gotta fall in love with the drug dealers of the world. I mean, are we not human, Joey? Are we no less divine? Joey: I guess you're right. Even Hitler had a girlfriend. Mugger: Exactly. Eva Braun, and she was one smitten kitten. Joey: I can't believe I'm even participating in this conversation, but...did you ever think of getting her something? Mugger: Flowers? Joey: Well, how pissed is she? Mugger: Well, she's really pissed. Nature of the crime? My dabblings in the underworld and what not. Joey: Oh, you're gonna have to do much better than flowers. [Starts to walk off.] Mugger: That's a nice jacket. Joey: [Turns around.] Thanks. Mugger: Where'd you get it? Joey: It was a gift, I think. Mugger: Can I have it? Joey: Are you kidding me? No. Mugger: Uh, uh, uh! Wasn't really a question. [Pulls his shirt up, again revealing his gun.] Joey: You're stealing my coat? I can't believe you're stealing my coat! Mugger: What difference does it make at this point? I don't think it really-- Joey: it's freezing outside! Mugger: Yeah. It sure is. Tch tch. That's not my problem. Gimme the coat. [She takes her coat off.] Oh, my god. Oh, wow. This is a really nice one. Well, this is just her size. She's gonna love this. Thank you. Joey: [Disgusted look on face.] Glad to be of service. Mugger: Well, I guess this is good-bye. Oh, by the way, you can go to the cops and all that, but trust me, it's a waste of time. Joey: Thanks for the tip. Mugger: Yep. Ok. Well... [he removes her scarf from the coat, walks over and wraps it around her neck.] You take care. [Joey puts her hand to her face and looks bewildered and disgusted. She exits the bank and starts walking down the sidewalk, shivering when she hears someone whistling. She turns and sees the mugger standing in the middle of the road waving goodbye, when a car races by and hits him. He is thrown against the car's window, hits the pavement, and shows no sign of movement. The car quickly does a u-turn and speeds off. Joey is shocked by the turn of events and stares at the fallen mugger.] [Scene: Joey walks over to the fallen mugger, leans down and grabs her coat. Then she looks around, sees no one and then leans down to search the mugger's pockets for her phone.] [Grunts] Mugger: [Coughs] Don't. [Grabs her hand] Joey: I'm calling for help. Mugger: Yeah, right. You're gonna call the cops. Joey: Of course I am, but I'll ask 'em to bring a band-aid or 2. You need help. Mugger: [Coughs. Blood oozing from his mouth.] I'm fine. Joey: Yeah, you look like hell. I thought you were dead. Mugger: Yeah, well, I'm speaking. I'm clearly not dead. Joey: Yet. Mugger: Give me it. Give me it. [Takes the phone from her and throws it down the street. Joey starts to go after it, but he pulled his gun on her yet again.] Mugger: [Grunts] Hey! You stay or die. Joey: You're not gonna shoot me. Mugger: I'm not? You sure about that? Joey: Yeah. You like me, remember? I've made this experience a very pleasant one. Mugger: Yeah, well, that's all well and good, hon, but I ain't going to jail. Joey: No, you're going to the hospital. Then jail. Mugger: [Cocks gun] Not if I have any say in it. Joey: Ok. I'm gonna walk over there, pick up my phone, and if it still works, I'm gonna dial 911, and I'm gonna get you an ambulance. You want to shoot me, go right ahead. Mugger: [Pulls trigger, click] Aah! Joey: It was never loaded? Mugger: I never actually got around to buying the bullets. Looks pretty cool, though, huh? [Coughs] Joey: I'm calling. Mugger: Hey, come on. Just go home. I'm fine. Joey: Yeah. You look fine. Mugger: [Fights to stand up.] Wait. [Falls back down.]I'm fine. Fine. [Coughs] [Grunts} Joey: [Starts towards the phone.] How about that ambulance? Mugger: [Chuckles] Sure. Why the hell not? Joey: [Walks back over to him.] They're on their way. Mugger: Cops, too? Joey: Of course. Mugger: [Laughs] How happy are you right now? Joey: Oh, yeah. This is exactly how I like to spend my nights. Mugger: Well, you can't deny the poetry of it all. Joey: What are you talking about? Mugger: You think this was an accident? This was no accident, sweetheart. I mean, I get hit by that car after I do something crappy to you. Kicked in the ass by karma. Who'd have thunk it? [spits up blood and places a cigarette between his lips] Joey: Is there something I can do? Mugger: [Coughs] You have any heroin? Joey: Not on me, no. Mugger: Then shut up and leave me alone. [attempts to light his cigarette] Joey: Tone. Watch it. [Walks over to help him light his cigarette.] Mugger: [Coughs] Mmm. You smoke? Joey: No. My mom, lung cancer. Swore I never would. Mugger: [Chuckles] Joey: What's so funny? Mugger: My old man. Lung cancer, too. Didn't stop me, though. Joey: So, is that what you deal? Heroin? Mugger: No. "X," mostly. You ever tried it? Joey: No. I'm not really into drugs. Mugger: Yeah, I don't like 'em, either. They just really seem to like me. Joey: Can I ask you a question? Mugger: Does it look like I'm going anywhere? Joey: You're a drug dealer. Fairly lucrative profession, right? So, why do you go around terrorizing college girls in the middle of the night? Mugger: Well, Joey, the industry in which I toil, it goes through periodic dry spells. This just happens to be one of them. Plus, I have a very high-maintenance wench of a wife. Joey: How does the little lady feel about your line of work? Mugger: She's not a big fan, actually. In fact, she finally kicked my ass out last month. I've been trying to worm my way back into her heart ever since. Joey: You want me to call her? Mugger: No. Joey: Well, I'm sure she'd probably like to know about this. Mugger: Yeah, well, I don't want her to know, ok? [Grunts] [Groans] [Coughs] Joey: How'd you guys meet? Mugger: High school. Tenth grade. She liked me. I never even saw it. Never gave her the time of day. Then one day, she smiled at me. No particular reason. It was the end of me. It's funny how things are always shifting like that. One day, you have the upper hand, you're in control, and...the next, you're totally at somebody's mercy. Kind of like me and you. [Chuckles] Joey: There is no me and you. Mugger: Can I ask you something? Joey: Does it look like I'm going anywhere? Mugger: Why are you being so nice to me? Joey: [moment of silence] It doesn't take a doctor to know that you're in pretty bad shape. Mugger: But most people probably would've left me for dead by now. Joey: Well, most people don't want to see you put in jail as badly as I do. Mugger: [Coughs, chuckles] That's a good point. Joey: My father used to deal drugs. Mugger: [Laughs] Really? That's right. I think I saw him at a union meeting once. How's he doing? Joey: He went to prison. He's there right now. My whole life, I was trying to figure out why someone would do something like that. He had a wife, 2 daughters that thought he was a damn superhero. [moment of silence] Maybe that's why I'm being so nice to you. I want to know why. [Ambulance and police arrive on the scene. Paramedics rush to care for the mugger while a cop helps Joey to her feet.] Police Officer: You ok, miss? Joey: Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Police Officer: So, this guy mugs you, then gets hit by a car? Joey: Those are the cliff notes, yeah. Police Officer: Wow. That happened more often, I'd be out of a job. Come on. You should take a ride to the hospital. Have 'em take a look at you. Joey: It's ok. I just... I just want to go... [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene closes with the paramedics and police officer kneeling beside the fallen mugger.] [Scene: Joey is sitting on the edge of a bed in a hospital. She scans the area. Her vision starts out hazy and slowly clears up. Doctor walks over to her.] Doctor: Well, all's well that ends well, Miss Potter. Joey: I'm ok? Doctor: Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. You were in shock, which, given what you've been through this evening, is understandable. Have you spoken to the police? [shakes head] Well, go home and get some sleep. Anybody we can call for you? Joey: No. I'll be fine. Doctor: Ok, then, young lady. You take care of yourself. Joey: Excuse me. Doctor: Mm-hmm? Joey: [With a concerned look on her face.] How's the guy? Doctor: Oh, the creep who mugged you? Oh, he's great. He's in surgery right now. Lots of internal bleeding. [Walks off.] [Joey starts walking down a hospital corridor, holding her coat. She still looks out of it. She goes through a pair of doors and sees a little girl standing alone in the hallway. She walks over to the girl.] Joey: Hi, sweetheart. Sammy: Hi. Joey: Where's your mom and dad? Sammy: You have pretty hair. Joey: Aw, thank you. You have pretty hair, too. Why don't we go see if we can find your mom and dad, huh? Sammy: Ok. [Looks down another hallway and starts screaming.] Mama! Grace: [Talking to nurses at a window.]She has brown hair, blue eyes. She has to be here somewhere. [Hears and sees her daughter running towards her. They hug. Joey slowly walks up to the two.] Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. Mama got distracted. Thank you so much. Joey: No problem. She's a cute one. Grace: Yeah, she's a cute one, all right, especially when she wanders off like that. Thanks again. Joey: No problem. [Joey walks past them.] Grace: Could you do me an enormous favor? I'm sorry. Forget about it. Joey: No. What? Grace: Could you maybe sit with her for a minute? I'm trying to find my husband. Joey: Absolutely. Grace: You're a doll. Thank you. Joey: Come on. [She and the girl walk over and sit in some nearby chairs.] Sammy: It's way past my bedtime. Joey: I know. You must be tired. Sammy: Yeah. My daddy's sick. Joey: I'm sorry about that. Sammy: Sometimes he takes me to the movies. Joey: Yeah? That's nice of him. Sammy: Yeah. He's not feeling so good. He got hit by a car. [Mother walks up and hands Joey a cup of something...more than likely, cup of coffee.] Grace: [Sighs, chuckles] Here. Joey: Oh, thank you. Grace: I can't thank you enough. Joey: Oh, it's my pleasure. Grace: I just hate the way they look at me, you know? Can't she just take care of her kid? What's your name? Joey: I'm Joey. Grace: It's nice to meet you, Joey. I'm Grace. [Chuckles] And this little pain in the butt is Sammy. Joey: Guys' names for girls. That's cute. Grace: You sound like her father. Joey: So, is he gonna be ok? Grace: I don't know. He's in surgery. Car accident or something. They won't give me all the details. We're not together. [The pieces begin to fit together, and Joey realized her husband was her mugger] Joey: Well, I hope everything turns out ok. Grace: So, um... what brings you to this special place in the middle of the night? Joey: Uh... I got mugged, actually. Grace: Are you ok? Joey: Oh, I guess so. I'm still a little shook up. Grace: I can imagine. I'm sorry, Joey. That must've been horrible. Joey: Yeah, it pretty much sucked. Grace: Well, at least you're alive to tell the tale, right? Joey: That's true. So, tell me about your husband. Grace: [Sighs] He's... what you'd call a loser. Joey: Sorry. Grace: [Laughs] He wasn't always that way. We just got married way too young. Hadn't figured out who we were yet. You know, long story. Blah, blah, blah. Are you in school? Joey: Yeah. Grace: Good for you. Keep it that way. I dropped out to follow him to the city. He was gonna be Kurt Cobain, and I was gonna be his Courtney. [Laughs] [Sighs] Didn't quite work out that way. The worst part is, this little one loves him to death. Little girls and their daddies. Breaks my heart. [Chuckles] I finally kick the creep out a month ago. We finally have some peace in our lives, and she wakes up crying for him in the middle of every damn night. I mean, how do you look in those big blue eyes and tell her she's better off without her father? Joey: Well, is there any chance that you two will work things out? Grace: [Chuckles] Yeah, maybe... if you know a couples therapist that specializes in liars, thieves, and junkies. I'm sorry. This is so not your problem. Joey: No. Hey, I asked. Grace: This guy who mugged you, did he get away? Joey: Uh... not exactly, no. Grace: Did they catch him? Joey: Uh, he, uh... he held me up at gunpoint. Um, he emptied my bank account, stole my jacket, and said good-bye. But as he was crossing the street, um...he was hit by a car. Grace: Wow. How's that for justice? [She watched as Joey stared at her in silence.] Where did this happen? Joey: Downtown crossing. Grace: [Holding back anger and tears.] Of course. I think I owe you an apology, Joey. I think the scumbag who mugged you was probably my husband. Joey: Well, if it makes you feel any better, he was-- he was nice about it. Grace: [Laughs] Great. Maybe they can put that on his headstone-- that he was nice about it. He screwed up his daughter's life, but he was really nice about it. [Sighs] I think I'm about done here. [Picks Sammy up in her arms and starts walking down the hall.] Joey: [Catches up to the mother.] You're not gonna stay? Grace: No! Why the hell would I? To see how he is. I don't care anymore. Whether he lives or dies, what difference does it make to me at this point? Joey: For her sake. Grace: Trust me. She is better off without him. [Sighs] Look, I'm sorry about everything. I wish there was something I could say or do to take away what happened to you tonight, but I can't... so, please, let's just move on, ok? Joey: Look, I'm sorry. I know this is none of my business, but for some reason, I somehow feel like it is, and so I'm just gonna say it. I've been that little girl. She doesn't know her dad's a loser. She thinks he's pretty much the greatest thing in the entire world, so if things don't go exactly his way tonight, wouldn't you like to give her the chance to-- Grace: To what? To say good-bye? You're right about one thing, Joey. This is none of your business. [Walks off.] [Doctor appears around the corner, almost bumping into Joey.] Doctor: Well, hey. What are you still doing here? Joey: Uh, good question. Um, if you're looking for his wife, she just-- Doctor: You, actually. He's asking for you. [Scene: Joey and the doctor is standing outside the mugger's hospital room, looking at him through the huge window.] Doctor: This guy's in bad shape. That car banged him up pretty good. You know what a sucking chest wound is? Nah, never mind. We did what we could. Now we're just waiting to see if he needs more surgery. You're well aware you don't have to do this, right? [Joey enters the room and sits down in a chair by the mugger's bed. He has cuts and bruises all over his chest and there are all kinds tubes...regular hospital scene.] Mugger: [Coughs] How do I look? Joey: Pretty bad. Hideous, actually. Mugger: [Laughs and coughs] You know, I'd say I'm sorry to you, but, uh... Joey: Yeah, what's the point? It's not like I'd forgive you or anything. Mugger: Fair enough. Joey: I met your family. Mugger: They're here? Joey: They were. Your wife and I got talking. She left. Mugger: That's my Gracie. Joey: Your daughter is, uh, really beautiful. It's a shame she has such a dickhead for a dad. Mugger: Well, sounds like your dad was a bit of a dickhead, too. Look how well you turned out. Joey: You don't know anything about me. Mugger: True, but from what I can tell, you're pretty smart... and funny... and reasonably hot, and I imagine most of your friends like having you around... most of the time, when you're not smartin' off with that little mouth-- Joey: What do you want? Mugger: [Laughs and coughs] Joey: I mean, you asked me to come in here. What do you want? Mugger: [Sighs] Well, you asked me why. I wanna tell you. Joey: Why what? Mugger: Why, with all the good things in this life, your father would choose the bad? I mean, I figure it's the least thing I can do for shoving that gun in your face tonight. Joey: I'm listening. Mugger: You wanna know why I needed that money so bad? A couple of weeks ago, Gracie let me walk Sammy to school. Why the hell she did, I have no idea. Must have been a moment of weakness. She gave me 500 bucks to pay for her day-care. What do I do? Drop my daughter off at school and spend the money on dope. Joey: Heartwarming story. What's your point? Mugger: Well, the point is, I love my wife. I love my daughter, but... I am who I am. Nothing's gonna change that. I mean, you wanna know why people do the things that they do. There is no why, sweetheart. They just do. Joey: That's crap. If you really loved your daughter, if you really loved her, you wouldn't do those things. Mugger: No, you're wrong. I do love my daughter. [Laughs] I love her very much. I love her so much it's easier just being stoned. You know, it's not like I can overcome every tragic flaw I have. It's just not possible, you know? Joey: Let me ask you a question. She comes to you in 15 years and asks you why you couldn't get over yourself for her, and what do you say? Mugger: Grow up. Get on with your life. Don't blame me. Joey: I really admire that tough-guy bravado. You know what? It just doesn't track. I mean, you obviously cared enough to want to get that money back. And now it looks like you're gonna die alone. How does that feel? Mugger: Big deal. Everybody dies alone. Joey: Great. Good answer. Well, I'll let you get to it. [Starts walking to the door.] Have a nice afterlife. Mugger: Hey. Do you think she'll ever forgive me? Joey: Your daughter? Mugger: Yeah. [Joey starts to leave the room, but instead decides to sit back down.] Mugger: [Labored breathing] Joey: My tenth birthday, my father takes me to the park, and if you knew Mike Potter, you'd know that was a pretty big deal. I mean, he never really had time for stuff like that... but he took me, and we played for hours-- jungle gym, swings, everything-- and I was so happy. He was so popular with the people, and... everyone seemed to know him, and... I was so proud to be his daughter. I mean, he was, like, the mayor or something. It wasn't until years later that I realized he was dealing drugs to them. Mugger: Heartwarming story. What's your point? Joey: My point is... my dad did a lot of crappy stuff. I mean, this is the guy who cheated on my mom with a cocktail waitress while she was dying of cancer. He let me and my sister down time and time again, so many times and in so many ways, it became funny. But you know what? That day at the park... it still goes down in the books as my favorite day ever. Mugger: Oh, yeah? Joey: Yeah. Mugger: [Laughs weakly] [Coughs] Hey. What was that song you were singing? Joey: Um... what song? Mugger: You were singing a song just before... Joey: You walked into my life. Mugger: Yeah. Joey: Oh, that's just a... song my dad used to sing to me. Mugger: Oh, yeah? [Sniffles] How'd it go? [Weakly, mumbling] Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me they long to be Joey: [Softly] They long to be Mugger: close to you Joey: close to you Mugger: why do stars suddenly appear Joey: suddenly appear [Stronger] Every time you are near? Just like me [She starts to cry.] Mugger: just like me Joey: they long to be Mugger: they long to be Joey: [Softly] Close to you [Joey looks up and is stunned. She has a somewhat sad expression on her face when she realizes that he has died. The doctor and nurses rush in. Joey slowly drifts out of the room, walks down the hall, turns the corner and sees Grace at the nurse's window. Sammy comes over and grabs her mother's hand as they both see Joey appear around the corner. Joey slightly shakes her head and Grace turns around, puts her hand over her face, sits down and cries. Joey walks over and kneels by Sammy.] Joey: Hey, sweetie. Sammy: Did my daddy do something bad to you? Joey: No. He did something really nice for me. Sammy: He did? Joey: Yeah. I was crossing the street, and I wasn't paying any attention, and there was this car coming, and it was gonna hit me, but then your daddy came out and pushed me out of the way. He saved my life tonight. Sammy: [Turns to her crying mother.] Did you hear that, mama? Daddy's a hero. [Grace kneels down and hugs her daughter.] Grace: [Silently mouths] Thank you. [Joey gets up, looks back at the sobbing mother and daughter and pulls out the money that the guy tried to steal from her earlier. It looks like she is going to put it back in her pocket and walk away, but instead she walks over and stuffs it in the mother's coat, hanging on a chair. She then walks down the long hallway and out the doors at the end of the corridor. She had somewhat of a understanding, but still a sad expression as she exited the hospital.] [Ending Credits.]
Plan: A: gunpoint; Q: How is Joey forced to clear out her bank account? A: a car; Q: What accidentally runs over the mugger? A: an ambulance; Q: What does Joey try to get her attacker to the hospital? A: the hospital; Q: Where is Joey taken after fainting? A: common ground; Q: What do Joey and her attacker find? A: the similarities; Q: What does Joey see between her attacker and her father? A: Joey faints; Q: What happens to Joey when the police and paramedics arrive? A: his injuries; Q: What did the mugger die from? A: his daughter; Q: Who does Joey decide not to tell the truth about the man? A: the way; Q: What does Joey tell her father's daughter that he pushed her out of? Summary: Joey is forced at gunpoint to clear out her bank account by a mugger, who is accidentally run over by a car just after robbing Joey. Joey stays with her attacker, checking up on him and trying to get an ambulance to get him to the hospital. Bizarrely, they find common ground, after Joey sees the similarities between him and her father. When the police and paramedics arrive, Joey faints and is also taken to the hospital. After recovering, she accidentally meets the mugger's estranged wife and daughter and soon finds out that the man died from his injuries. Joey decides not to tell the truth about the man to his daughter and tells her instead that her father pushed her out of the way when she walked out in front of a car and died a hero.
EXT. SPACE As we look at Earth from above, we see the myriad of networks streaming across the planet. MISC LOCATIONS We see a number of people around the world on laptops and tablets signing onto Wi-Fi. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT PARLOR, ?? A MAN is on camera, warning those watching his video. MAN: Danger! This is a warning. A warning to the whole world. You're looking for Wi-Fi. And sometimes you see something... a bit like this. (holds up a sign bearing foreign symbols) Don't click it. Do. Not. Click. It. We see people clicking on the symbols when looking for Wi-Fi. MAN: Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer. They can see you. And if they can see you, they might choose you. And if they do... you die. Within 24 hours, you're dead. We see some of the people who clicked on the symbols sprawled out on the ground or in their seats. MAN: For a while. People's souls are being uploaded to the internet. Some people get stuck. Their minds, their souls, trapped in the Wi-Fi. Like echoes. Like ghosts. Faintly, we hear overlapping voices. VOICES: I don't know where I am! I don't know where I am! (repeated) MAN: Sometimes you can hear their screams. On the radio. On the telly. On the net. VOICES: I don't know where I am! I don't know where I am! (repeated) MAN: This is real. This is not a hoax. AMERICAN MAN: (into camera) I, I don't know where I am! MAN: Or a joke. JAPANESE WOMAN: (into camera) Doko? MAN: Or a story. MAN 2: (into camera) I don't know where I am! MAN: This is real and I know that, because... (voice breaks) I don't know where I am. Please, if you can hear me... If you can hear me, I don't know where I am. The camera pulls out and we see the MAN is one of hundreds as we see a wall lined with monitors, each person pleading for help, not knowing where they are. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith [SCENE_BREAK] Jenna-Louise Coleman "The Bells of Saint John" By Steven Moffat PRODUCER Denise Paul DIRECTOR Colm McCarthy [SCENE_BREAK] CUMBRIA 1207 EXT. MONASTARY, DAY A MONK pounds on the large door of the abbey. He turns around in frustration, pushing back his cowl. He goes back to the door and pounds again. The window of a small door opens and the MONK looks in. MONK: Wake the Abbott. The bells of Saint John are ringing! EXT. MONASTARY, COURTYARD, DAY The ABBOTT comes out and joins the MONK. ABBOTT: We must go to him! INT. MONASTARY, HALL, DAY The ABBOTT and the MONK walk down the hall. The MONK carries a torch. MONK: They call him the Mad Monk, don't they? ABBOTT: They shouldn't. He's definitely not a monk. INT. MONASTARY, CAVERNOUS ROOM, DAY The ABBOTT and the MONK enter a room where another monk sits at a table. Behind him sits a painting on an easel. ABBOTT: (clears throat) I'm sorry to intrude. The bells of Saint John are ringing. The monk stands up next to the ABBOTT and removes his hood. It is the DOCTOR. He has dabs on paint on the sleeves of his habit. DOCTOR: I'm going to need a horse! The DOCTOR walks away to a smaller room to the back revealing the painting. It is of CLARA OSWALD dressed as he had last seen her, as a Victorian governess. Along the bottom of the painting are the words "Run you clever boy, and remember". The MONK walks closer to the painting. MONK: (steps forward) Is that her? ABBOTT: The woman twice dead, and her final message. He has withdrawn to this place of peace and solitude that he might divine her meaning. If he truly is mad, then this is his madness. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, DAY CLARA OSWALD paces the floor as she waits on the phone for someone to pick up the other line. ANGIE is sitting at the kitchen table on her laptop. CLARA: Angie, is the internet working? Trying to phone the helpline, they won't answer. ANGIE: It's working for me. CLARA: Can I use it when you're finished? ANGIE: More than one person can use the internet at a time, Clara. CLARA: You done your homework? ANGIE: Shut up, you're not my mum! CLARA: And I'm not trying to be. OK? Mr. MAITLAND enters the kitchen patting his pockets, looking for his car keys. MAITLAND: Right. ARTIE holds the keys up. MAITLAND: Yes! Angie's probably fine on her own, you could probably have the night off. CLARA: I'm OK, I'll be upstairs trying to figure out my computer. MAITLAND: Anyway, the adverts are in, so hopefully we'll find someone. (puts on jacket) CLARA: I'm here as long as you need me. MAITLAND: Good! Right, come on, Artie, time to go. (heads for the door) CLARA takes the book ARTIE is holding. It is called "Summer Falls" and was written by Amelia Williams. CLARA: What chapter you on? ARTIE: Ten. CLARA: 11's the best. You'll cry your eyes out. MAITLAND: Artie! ARTIE leaves. CLARA: Oh, come on, just answer, just pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. (leaves the kitchen) INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, STAIRS, DAY CLARA walks up the steps to her room. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, CLARA'S ROOM, DAY CLARA spins around the post in her loft room before sitting at her desk and reaching tentatively at her open netbook. She taps a few keys before moving the cursor to the Wi-Fi icon. At the top is the connection labeled "Maitland Family" and below it are the symbols. EXT. ??? We zoom through the Wi-Fi and see a large number of connections throughout London. Some spots are red, as if infected. EXT. WOODS, DAY The DOCTOR dismounts from his horse and walks with the MONK as another stays with the horses. Another monk is waiting with a torch outside a stone doorway into an underground cavern. INT. CAVE, DAY The MONK leads the way with the torch, the DOCTOR follows. The ringing of a telephone can be heard. At the end of the tunnel is the TARDIS, its light shining like a beacon. That is the source of the ringing. DOCTOR: (looks at MONK) That is not supposed to happen. (runs up to TARDIS and opens the panel with the phone) Hello? CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, CLARA'S ROOM, DAY CLARA: Ah, hello. I can't find the internet. DOCTOR: I'm sorry? CLARA: It's gone, the internet. Can't find it anywhere. Where is it? DOCTOR: The internet? CLARA: Yes, the internet. Why don't I have the internet? DOCTOR: (walks away from the TARDIS) It's 1207. CLARA: I've got half past 3:00. Am I phoning a different time zone? DOCTOR: Yeah, you really sort of are. CLARA: Will it show up on the bill? DOCTOR: Oh, I dread to think. (paces the room, tangling the cord) Listen, where did you get this number? CLARA: Woman in the shop wrote it down. It's the helpline, isn't it? She said it was the best helpline out there. In the universe, she said. DOCTOR: What woman? Who was she? CLARA: I dunno, the woman in the shop. So why isn't there internet? Shouldn't it just sort of... be there? DOCTOR: Look, listen, I'm not actually... this isn't... You have clicked on the Wi-Fi button, haven't you? CLARA: Hang on. Erm... Wi-Fi? DOCTOR: Click on the Wi-Fi. You'll see a list of names. Is there one you recognise? CLARA clicks on the Wi-Fi and the Maitlands' connection. CLARA: It's asking me for a password. ANGIE comes upstairs. ANGIE: Is it OK if I go and see Nina? You can call her mum. CLARA: Sure. What's the password for the internet? ANGIE: Rycbar123. (heads back downstairs) CLARA: (goes to top of the stairs) How am I supposed to remember that? MONK: Is it an evil spirit? DOCTOR: It's a woman. The MONK crosses himself. CLARA sits back at the desk. CLARA: Hang on. Just a mo. (types each letter as she speaks) Run. You. Clever. Boy. And. Remember. One! The DOCTOR remembers when he had heard the phrase before. [SCENE_BREAK] FLASHBACK INT. ASYLUM, CHAMBER OSWIN: (sits in chair and tucks up legs) Run, you clever boy [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, CLARA'S ROOM, DAY CLARA: Two! [SCENE_BREAK] FLASHBACK INT. LATIMER HOUSE, LATIMER'S STUDY, NIGHT CLARA: and remember. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, CLARA'S ROOM, DAY CLARA: Three! CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. CAVE, DAY DOCTOR: What did you say? CLARA: Don't shout, you made me type it wrong. It's thrown me out again. What do I do, how do I get back in? CLARA clicks on the symbols. EXT. ??? We zoom through the Wi-Fi and see a large number of connections throughout London. Some spots are red, as if infected. A direct link is made to CLARA'S location. INT. ??? CLARA is seen on a monitor as she continues to speak to the DOCTOR on the phone. CLARA: It was just a thing to remember the password. Run, you clever boy and remember. Oh, hang on! (puts the phone down and walks out of view of the computer) The camera pulls back and we see she is now a part of the wall of screens seen earlier, all the people trapped in the Wi-Fi. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY CLARA comes down the stairs to answer the door. Someone is knocking on the door and ringing the bell. CLARA: Hello, yes, I hear you. Yep. Uh-huh. (opens door) Hello? The DOCTOR is standing there, grinning, still in his monk's habit. DOCTOR: Clara? Clara Oswald? CLARA: Hello? DOCTOR: Clara Oswin Oswald? CLARA: Just Clara Oswald. What was that middle one? DOCTOR: (excited) Do you remember me? CLARA: No. Should I? Who are you? DOCTOR: (takes a step inside) The Doctor. No? The Doctor? (looks at himself in wall mirror) CLARA: Doctor who? DOCTOR: No, just the Doctor. Actually, sorry, could you just ask me that again? CLARA: Could I what? DOCTOR: Could you just ask me that question again? CLARA: Doctor who? DOCTOR: OK, just once more. CLARA: Doctor who? DOCTOR: Oh, yeah. (steps back outside and does a little dance) Oh! D'you know, I never realised how much I enjoy hearing that said out loud. Thank you. CLARA: OK. (closes door) EXT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT DOOR, DAY The DOCTOR pounds on the door. DOCTOR: Hey, no! Clara, please. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY CLARA starts up the stairs but stops as the DOCTOR calls to her. DOCTOR: (muffled) Clara, I need to talk to you! Listen, please. INT. OFFICE, DAY The room is dark with a number of desks, each with someone working on a computer. One computer has a photo of CLARA as well as some information on the screen. ALEXEI is talking with his boss, MISS KIZLET. ALEXEI: Clara Oswald. We've got a positive lock on her, but I think she's borderline. Very clever, but no computer skills. KIZLET: Upload her anyway, splice her a computer skills package. (starts walking away) ALEXEI: (follows) I'll activate a Spoonhead. KIZLET: Alexei, we call them servers, not Spoonheads. ALEXEI: Sorry, Miss Kizlet. (goes back to desk) KIZLET climbs the short set of stairs to the upper level where MAHLER, her assistant is waiting. KIZLET: I'm ever so fond of Alexei, but my conscience says we should probably kill him. MAHLER: I'll inform HR. KIZLET: Actually, he's about to go on holiday. Kill him when he gets back, let's not be unreasonable. (enters office) INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY KIZLET'S office has floor to ceiling windows that overlooks the City of London. It is of stark design, all black and chrome. KIZLET: Didn't you want to speak to me? (moves behind desk) MAHLER: We're uploading too many people, too quickly. We're going to get noticed. KIZLET: If your conscience is bothering you, think of it like this. (sits) We're preserving living minds, in permanent form in the data cloud. It's like immortality. Only fatal. KIZLET swipes through her tablet until she finds MAHLER and his "vitals". His Conscience level is very high. MAHLER: My conscience is fine. KIZLET: Good. (lowers MAHLER'S Conscience setting) Because our client has his needs. MAHLER'S Paranoia setting rises as he turns to walk away. He stops and looks at KIZLET. MAHLER: Did you just hack me? KIZLET: Because you changed your mind? MAHLER: I hope I did. (leaves) KIZLET lowers MAHLER'S Paranoia setting briefly, before raising it again. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY CLARA sits halfway up the front stairs. The DOCTOR is still outside. DOCTOR: (muffled) Please! I just need to speak to you! CLARA stands, walks down the stairs, walks over to the intercom and switches it on. The DOCTOR'S face appears on the screen. He smiles and waves. CLARA: Why are you still here? Why are you here at all? DOCTOR: You phoned me. You were looking for the internet. CLARA: That was you? CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: EXT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT DOOR, DAY DOCTOR: Course it was me. CLARA: How did you get here so fast? DOCTOR: I just happened to be in the neighbourhood. (moves out of the way to show the TARDIS) On my mobile phone. CLARA: When you say "mobile phone", why do you point at that blue box? DOCTOR: Because it's a surprisingly accurate description. CLARA: OK, we're finished now. (switches off intercom) DOCTOR: (muffled) Oi, no, look... CLARA hears the sound of a door closing and looks upstairs. A floorboard creaks. CLARA: Angie? Angie, are you upstairs? Angie, are you still here? Another floorboard creaks. CLARA walks over to the base of the stairs and looks up as a young girl in old-fashioned clothes slowly walks down the stairs, stopping partway down. CLARA: Hello. GIRL: Hello. CLARA: Are you a friend of Angie's? GIRL: I'm a friend of Angie's. CLARA: What where you doing upstairs? GIRL: I was upstairs. CLARA: I know you, don't I? GIRL: You know me, don't you? CLARA gasps as she now recognizes the GIRL from the cover of "Summer Falls", the book Artie was reading. CLARA backs away as the GIRL'S head slowly spins around to reveal a concave dish, the bowl of a spoon. Across the dish runs digital information. CLARA can only stare. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR enters the TARDIS and strips off his habit. DOCTOR: Right, don't be a monk. Monks are not cool! (goes to the area under the console, opens a section and starts throwing pieces of clothing over his shoulders before finding a fez and placing it on his head) Ah-ha! The DOCTOR continues searching until he holds his old jacket in one hand and a new one in the other He drops the old jacket and changes into the new. He then takes out a small wooden box and opens it to reveal a bowtie. EXT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT DOOR, DAY The DOCTOR exits the TARDIS rubbing his hands and hurries over to the front door. DOCTOR: Clara? (knocks on door) Clara? (moves to intercom) CLARA: (over intercom) Hello? DOCTOR: See? Look, it's me! De-monked. (spins) Sensible clothes. Erm, can I come in now? CLARA: (over intercom) I don't understand. DOCTOR: Could you just open the door? CLARA: (over intercom) I don't know... DOCTOR: Of course you can! CLARA: (over intercom) ...where I am. The DOCTOR stares at the intercom knowing something has happened. CLARA: (over intercom) I don't know where I am. Where am I? Please tell me, where I am! I don't know where I am. The DOCTOR uses the sonic screwdriver on the front door and enters the house. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY CLARA is lying unconscious on the floor at the base of the stairs. CLARA: (disembodied) I don't know where I am! DOCTOR: (kneels beside CLARA) Clara! Clara? The DOCTOR gently puts a hand under her head and uses the sonic. CLARA: (disembodied) I don't know where I am! I don't understand. I don't know where I am! I don't know where I am! The DOCTOR looks up and sees the Spoonhead standing on the stairs. In the dish, we see CLARA looking around, lost. He slowly stands. CLARA: (disembodied) I don't understand! I don't know where I am! Where am I? I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am. The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the Spoonhead and we are transported through the Wi-Fi. INT. OFFICE, DAY ALEXEI'S computer screen has CLARA's picture and an upload bar that is only halfway before an alarm beeps and we see "ERROR" in red appear on screen. ALEXEI: (turns around) I've got a problem! INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY The DOCTOR continues to use the sonic on the Spoonhead and the visage of the girl disappears to show the most basic of a humanoid shape in robotic form. The DOCTOR lowers the sonic. DOCTOR: A walking base station. A walking Wi-Fi base station, hoovering up data. Hoovering up people! (pockets sonic) INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, CLARA'S ROOM, DAY The DOCTOR enters CLARA'S room, sonic out and scanning. He spins and finds the notebook. He closes it and runs with it back downstairs. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY The DOCTOR kneels beside CLARA, his fingers flying over the keyboard, trying to hack into the Spoonhead to free CLARA. DOCTOR: Oh, no, you don't. Oh, no, you don't. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. OFFICE, DAY KIZLET and MAHLER are at ALEXEI'S desk, looking over his shoulder at the screen. ALEXEI is trying to stop the hacker. ALEXEI: It's like someone is trying to reverse an upload. KIZLET: Is that possible? MAHLER: If the upload isn't fully integrated yet - in theory, yes. The DOCTOR continues to type away. The progress bar on ALEXEI'S computer drops from the 50s to the 40s. ALEXEI: Oh, my God. (types furiously) The DOCTOR continues to type away. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Not this time, Clara, I promise you. The DOCTOR and ALEXEI continue to fight each other via their keyboards. CLARA'S upload progress continues to fall into the 20s and then 10s. MAHLER: Can you stop this? ALEXEI: No! The progress bar hits zero. The area around the Maitland house is cleared of the red "virus". INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY The DOCTOR feels for CLARA'S pulse. There is a whirring sound from the Spoonhead and a beam shoots from the dish to CLARA. She takes in a deep breath and coughs as she rolls over. The DOCTOR gently strokes her hair a lifts her head. DOCTOR: It's OK, it's OK. You're fine, you're back. Yes, you are. (kisses her head) Yes, you are. INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, NIGHT KIZLET paces in front of her windows, the London skyline lit up behind her. MAHLER enters. KIZLET: Well? MAHLER: Our hacker sent us a message. MAHLER walks to KIZLET'S desk and presses a button. A message appears on the monitor in the wall. It reads: Under My Protection - The Doctor. MAHLER: (crosses arms) I assume he's talking about the girl. KIZLET: Get out. I have to speak to the client. MAHLER leaves and KIZLET walks over to the monitor and touches the right-side panel. KIZLET: Sir, the one you told me about. He's here. The Doctor is here. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, CLARA'S ROOM, NIGHT CLARA is asleep in her bed. The DOCTOR takes a pitcher of water and pours a glass before setting it on the bedside table. He finds another vase and puts in some hand-picked flowers and sets that on the table. He remembers something else and returns with a package of Jammy Dodgers. He peels off the wrapper and inhales their delicious scent before placing them on a plate. He takes a bite of one, savoring the taste and puts the half-eaten cookie back on the plate. He spots a book on the shelf beside the bed, "101 Places To See". He flips through the book. At the front, in a child's handwriting, it reads "Property of Clara Oswald, Age 9". The age is crossed out as another year follows. The ages missing are 16 and 23. Opposite the page is a pressed leaf. The DOCTOR takes it out by the stem, twirls it, sniffs it and then licks it. He seems puzzled by what that tells him. He puts the leaf back in the book and the book back on the shelf. He pauses for a moment, leaning against the headboard, before leaving. LATER CLARA wakes slowly and sees the cookies on her table. She sits up in bed puzzled as to how she got there. EXT. MAITLAND HOUSE, NIGHT The DOCTOR is sitting in a folding chair outside the TARDIS in the MAITLANDS' driveway. He has CLARA'S notebook and is working on the Spoonhead. CLARA opens her window, leans out and sees him. CLARA: Hello? DOCTOR: (looks up and stands) Hello. Are you all right? CLARA: I'm in bed. DOCTOR: Yes. CLARA: Don't remember going. DOCTOR: No. CLARA: What did I miss? DOCTOR: Oh, quite a lot, actually. (reaches into inner jacket pocket and pulls out a small notebook) Angie called, she's going to stay over at Nina's. Apparently that's all completely fine and you shouldn't worry like you always do, for God's sake, get off her back. (flips a page) Also, your dad phoned. Mainly about the government. He seems very cross with them, I've got several pages on that. (turns pages) I said I'd look into it. I fixed that rattling noise in the washing machine, indexed the kitchen cupboards, optimised the photosynthesis in the main flowerbed and assembled the quadrocycle. CLARA: Assembled the what? DOCTOR: I found a disassembled quadrocycle in the garage. CLARA: I don't think you did. DOCTOR: (awed whisper) I invented the quadrocycle! CLARA: What happened to me? DOCTOR: (walks forward) Don't you remember? CLARA: I was scared. Really scared. I didn't know where I was. DOCTOR: Do you know now? CLARA: Yes. DOCTOR: Well, then, you should go to sleep, because you're safe now, I promise. Goodnight, Clara. The DOCTOR turns on his heels and heads back to the chair by the TARDIS. CLARA closes her window. Moments later, she opens it again and sticks her head out. CLARA: Are you guarding me? DOCTOR: Well, yes. Yes, I am. CLARA: (smiles) Are you seriously going to sit down there all night? DOCTOR: Yes. I promise. I won't budge from this spot. (sits back and crosses his legs) CLARA: Well, then. I'll have to come to you. (closes window) DOCTOR: (stands) Eh? INT. OFFICE, DAY ALEXEI, KIZLET and MAHLER are watching a live feed from across the street from the MAITLANDS'. KIZLET: I take it the girl's inside. And alive? MAHLER: Yes. KIZLET: Alexei, I need you to do something creative about that. (uses tablet to raise ALEXEI'S IQ) ALEXEI starts typing. EXT. MAITLAND HOUSE, NIGHT CLARA exits the house having changed her clothes. She has a chair hooked over her right arm and two cups of tea in her left. DOCTOR: I like your house. CLARA: It isn't mine, I'm a friend of the family. (sets chair down across from the DOCTOR'S) DOCTOR: Do you look after the kids? Oh yes, you're a governess, aren't you, (taps his forehead with a wrench) just like... CLARA: (hands the DOCTOR a cup of tea) Just like what? (sits backwards on chair) DOCTOR: Just like... (sips tea) I thought you probably would be. CLARA: Are you going to explain what happened to me? DOCTOR: (picks up notebook and sits) There's something in the Wi-Fi. OK. This whole world is swimming in Wi-Fi. We're living in a Wi-Fi soup! Suppose something got inside it. Suppose there was something living in the Wi-Fi, harvesting human minds, extracting them. Imagine that. Human souls trapped like flies in the World Wide Web, stuck for ever, crying out for help. CLARA: Isn't that basically Twitter? The DOCTOR starts typing on the notebook but looks up at CLARA'S comment. CLARA: What's that face for? DOCTOR: A computer can hack another computer. A living, sentient computer... Maybe that could that hack people. Edit them. Rewrite them. CLARA: Why would you say that? DOCTOR: Because a few hours ago you knew nothing about the internet. (points at her) And you just made a joke about Twitter. CLARA: Oh. Oh. That's weird. I know all about computers now in my head. Where did that come from? DOCTOR: You were uploaded for a while. Wherever you were, you brought something extra back. Which I very much doubt you're going to be allowed to keep. The DOCTOR slowly turns his head and sees a figure standing across the street under a lamp. He gets up and stands beside the TARDIS, still staring at the figure, a Spoonhead. DOCTOR: You and me, inside that box, now. CLARA: I'm sorry? DOCTOR: Just get inside. The DOCTOR hurries over to her and she stands to get out of his way as he moves the chair. He hurries to the TARDIS door. CLARA: Both of us? DOCTOR: Trust me, you'll understand once we're in there. CLARA: I bet I will! DOCTOR: Clara, please! CLARA: What is that box, anyway? Why do you have a box? DOCTOR: Clara! CLARA: Is it like a snogging booth? DOCTOR: A what?! CLARA: Is that what you do, you bring a booth? There's such a thing as too keen. (sips tea) The lights in different rooms in different houses come on. Too many to be coincidence. DOCTOR: Clara, look around you! CLARA looks around the street and sees for herself. CLARA: What's going on? Is the Wi-Fi switching on the lights? DOCTOR: No. The people are switching on the lights. The Wi-Fi is switching on the people. The Spoonhead turns around. CLARA: What is that thing? DOCTOR: A walking base station, you saw one earlier. CLARA: I saw a little girl. DOCTOR: Must have taken an image from your subconscious, thrown it back at you. Active camouflage (smacks forehead) They could be everywhere! They both look around, worried. CLARA spots something going on behind the house. CLARA: Doctor! Doctor! CLARA pulls the DOCTOR over and in the distance see the lights of LONDON going off. CLARA: What's going on? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE, DAY KIZLET and MAHLER are still with ALEXEI. MAHLER: Do we need another London-wide activation? We can't always pass it off as a riot. EXT. MAITLAND HOUSE, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA are now looking at a dark London. CLARA: All our lights on, everyone else's off. Why? DOCTOR: Some planes have Wi-Fi. CLARA: I'm sorry? DOCTOR: We must be one hell of a target right now. They hear the roaring of engines and look up to the sky where they see a plane heading straight for them. DOCTOR: (grabs CLARA'S hand) You, me, box, now! (pulls her into the TARDIS) INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR hurries towards the console and CLARA is pulled along in his wake. She holds onto the rail with one hand to steady herself. The teacup remains in the other. DOCTOR: Yes, it's a spaceship. Yes, it's bigger on the inside. No, I don't have time to talk about it. CLARA: But... but... but... it's... (moves around in shock at her surroundings) DOCTOR: (uses controls on a side panel) Shut up, please, short hops are difficult. (back to console) CLARA: Bigger. On the inside. Actually bigger. The DOCTOR throws a lever and the TARDIS sparks a little. The DOCTOR jumps back a bit. He hurries for the door. DOCTOR: Right, come on! CLARA: Are we going back out there? DOCTOR: We've moved. It's a spaceship, we flew away. CLARA: Away from the plane? DOCTOR: Not exactly! (opens door) INT. PLANE, NIGHT The DOCTOR practically tumbles from the TARDIS into the body of the plane. CLARA follows, leaning against the galley wall. CLARA: How did we get here? DOCTOR: (heads for the cockpit battling turbulence) It's a ship, I told you, it's all very science-y! CLARA: Is this the plane, the actual plane? (sees the passengers in their seats) Are they all dead? DOCTOR: Asleep, switched off by the Wi-Fi, never mind them! The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the cockpit door. A bout of turbulence causes the DOCTOR to tumble and nearly fall on an unconscious female flight attendant seated by the exit. He stands and tumbles into the cockpit followed by CLARA. INT. PLANE, COCKPIT, NIGHT The DOCTOR finds himself between the unconscious pilot and co-pilot. CLARA stands behind him in the cramped area. EXT. PLANE, NIGHT The plane continues its trajectory towards the MAITLANDS' street. INT. PLANE, COCKPIT, NIGHT The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the various panels. CLARA: What is going on? Is this real? Please tell me what is happening! DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. I'm an alien from outer space. I'm 1,000 years old. I've got two hearts. And I can't fly a plane, can you? CLARA: No! DOCTOR: Oooh! Fine, let's do it together. The DOCTOR pulls back on the throttle and CLARA holds onto him as if to help him. They both scream as they plane gets closer to the houses. EXT. PLANE, NIGHT The plane skims over the house, barely clearing them. INT. PLANE, COCKPIT, NIGHT The DOCTOR laughs in relief and excitement. CLARA still clings to him. She still holds the teacup in one hand. DOCTOR: Do you think a victory roll would be too show-off-y? The PILOT starts to come around. PILOT: What the hell's going on? DOCTOR: Well, I'm blocking your Wi-Fi, so you're waking up for a start. Tell you what, (pats pilot on the arm) do you want to drive? (stands and leaves) Shocked, CLARA just stands there as the Co-Pilot also wakes up and the two men discuss getting back on course. The DOCTOR reaches in and grabs her collar, pulling her from the cockpit. INT. OFFICE, DAY KIZLET, MAHLER and ALEXEI are still watching the feed from the MAITLAND house. KIZLET: I don't understand what's happened. That box, where's it gone? (yells to other workers) Find that box! INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR works the controls. CLARA finishes her tea and sets the cup down purposefully on the top of the console. CLARA: OK. When are you going to explain what the hell is going on? DOCTOR: Breakfast. The DOCTOR throws a switch and the TARDIS lurches a bit. The DOCTOR heads for the door and CLARA runs around the other side to confront him. CLARA: What? I ain't waiting till breakfast. DOCTOR: It's a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast. The DOCTOR opens the door and sunlight streams through as he steps out. DOCTOR: (from outside) Thank you. After a pause, CLARA follows. EXT. LONDON, SOUTH BANK, DAY The DOCTOR steps out of the TARDIS where there is a group of people applauding his "performance". CLARA steps out behind him. DOCTOR: Thank you. Yes, magic blue box. (pulls out fez from under his jacket) All donations gratefully accepted. (passes it around to collect) Roll up, roll up, give us your dosh. Pennies, pounds, anything you've got. (gives fez to CLARA) Keep collecting, we need enough for breakfast. Just popping back to the garage. (goes into the TARDIS) CLARA: (turns around) Garage? INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR picks up the notebook from the console before hurrying to the entry for deeper into the TARDIS. He goes to the left before coming back to go right. DOCTOR: This way. EXT. LONDON, SOUTH BANK, DAY CLARA shakes the fez as more people drop coins into it. CLARA: So, this is tomorrow, then? Tomorrow's come early. The DOCTOR comes out of the TARDIS on a motorcycle wearing a helmet. DOCTOR: No, it came at the usual time. We just took a short cut. People applaud and take photos. DOCTOR: Thank you, thank you. Tomorrow, a camel! CLARA climbs on behind the DOCTOR. DOCTOR: (gives her a helmet) Clara! The DOCTOR empties the money from the fez before placing the hat on the head of a young boy standing by the motorcycle. A girl poses for a photo with the TARDIS in the background. INT. OFFICE, DAY The photo of the girl shows up during ALEXEI'S search. MAHLER comes over. MAHLER: What's happening? ALEXEI: Blue box. South Bank! Definitely wasn't there five minutes ago. (continues typing) KIZLET walks over. MAHLER: Are we sure this time? Earl's Court was an embarrassment. EXT. LONDON, SOUTH BANK, STREETS, DAY The DOCTOR drives the motorcycle towards Westminster Bridge. CLARA has her arms wrapped around his waist. EXT. LONDON, WESTMINSTER BRIDGE, DAY The DOCTOR drives the motorcycle over the bridge. CLARA: If you've got a flying time machine, why are we on a motorbike? DOCTOR: I don't take the TARDIS into battle. CLARA: Because it's made of wood? DOCTOR: Because it's the most powerful ship in the universe and I don't want it falling into the wrong hands. (holds up hands before realizing he needs them both on the controls) OK? EXT. LONDON, DAY They drive by Horse Guards Parade and are captured in another tourist photo. INT. OFFICE, DAY The Horse Guards photo appears on ALEXEI'S search. KIZLET: I do love London. So many cameras. EXT. LONDON, DAY They drive under Admiralty Arch. EXT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR and CLARA sit at a table at a rooftop café overlooking St Paul's Cathedral. The DOCTOR has the notebook open. CLARA: So if we can travel anywhere in time and space, why did we travel to the morning? What's the point in that? DOCTOR: Whoever's after us spent the whole night looking for us. Are you tired? CLARA: Yes. DOCTOR: Then imagine how they feel. They came the long way round. (types) They've got to be close, definitely London, going by the signal distribution. I can hack the lowest level of their operating system, but I can't establish a physical location, the security's too good. CLARA: Are you an alien? DOCTOR: (leans back) I am, yes. OK with that? CLARA: Fine, yeah. I think I'm fine. DOCTOR: Oh, good. CLARA: So what happens if you do find them? What then? DOCTOR: I don't know. I can't tell the future, I just work there. CLARA: You don't have a plan? DOCTOR: You know what I always say about plans? CLARA: What? DOCTOR: I don't have one. CLARA: People always have plans. (slurps the remains of her drink through a straw) DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I suppose they do. (closes notebook) So tell me, how long have you been looking after those kids? CLARA: About a year, since their mum died. DOCTOR: OK. But why you? Family friend, I get that, but there must have been others. Why did it have to be you? I mean, you don't you don't really seem like a nanny. CLARA pushes aside her empty glass and reaches for her notebook. CLARA: Gimme! DOCTOR: (puts his hand on the computer and pulls it back) Sorry, what? CLARA: (leans forward) You need to know where they physically are. Their exact location. DOCTOR: Yes. CLARA: I can do it. (grabs notebook and holds it out of his reach) DOCTOR: Oi! I need that! CLARA: You've hacked the lower operating system. I'll have their physical location in under five minutes. Go and get a coffee. DOCTOR: (grabs the notebook as she looks inside the café) If I can't find them, you can't. CLARA: (pulls notebook towards her) They uploaded me, remember. I've got computing stuff in my head. DOCTOR: (pulls notebook towards him) So do I. The DOCTOR and CLARA play tug-of-war with the notebook as they argue. CLARA: I have insane hacking skills. DOCTOR: I'm from space, and the future, with two hearts and...27 brains. CLARA: And I can find them in under five minutes, plus photographs. 27? DOCTOR: OK, slight exaggeration. CLARA: Coffee - go get. Five minutes, I promise. (grabs notebook from loose hands) DOCTOR: (leans back and checks watch) The security is absolute. CLARA: It's never about the security, it's about the people. (starts typing fast) The DOCTOR sits there for a moment, legs crossed, before reluctantly getting up and heading inside. He stops by the door and looks back at CLARA. CLARA: (looks up) Why do you keep looking at me like that? DOCTOR: Sorry, no, it's nothing. It's just... you're a nanny. Isn't that a bit... Victorian? CLARA: Victorian? DOCTOR: You're young, shouldn't you be doing, you know, young things? (attempts the Twist and a John Travolta impression) With-with-with... young people? CLARA: What, like you, for instance? Down, boy! DOCTOR: (walks towards CLARA, hand out placating) No, no, I didn't... (lowers hand) Shut up! The DOCTOR heads back inside, stops halfway with an affronted gasp before continuing on. CLARA smiles and keeps typing. INT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR walks up to the coffee bar that is loaded with pastries. He picks up a plate holding a chocolate cake and inhales the scent. He sets it down on the counter. DOCTOR: Ooh! Two more cappuccinos over there, please. BARISTA: One moment, sir. The BARISTA, an older man, walks over to the machine to start the process. The DOCTOR, intent on the pastries, misses the electricity crackle and lights flicker. BARISTA: You realise you haven't the slightest chance of saving your little friend? DOCTOR: (pauses, a scone at his mouth) Sorry, what? There is a flash of blue around the BARISTA as he continues. BARISTA: I said one moment, sir. (stops and stares ahead, towel over his arm) I said, there is not the slightest chance you can save your little friend. And don't annoy the old man, he isn't, in fact, speaking. (resumes work) The DOCTOR leans forward as the BARISTA speaks, studying him. A WAITRESS comes up behind the DOCTOR, holding a tray against her body. The DOCTOR turns to her as she starts to speak. WAITRESS: I'm speaking. Just using whatever's to hand. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY KIZLET walks in front of the window of her office, speaking through her tablet. KIZLET: Oh, she's rather pretty, isn't she? Do you like her? WAITRESS: I can make her like you too, if you want. The electricity crackles and the WAITRESS leans away from the DOCTOR who is practically in her face. WAITRESS: You all right, sir? DOCTOR: Um, yes. Yes, fine. (hands the scone to the WAITRESS before running outside) EXT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR comes rushing out of the café and skids to a stop seeing CLARA typing away. DOCTOR: You OK? CLARA: Sure, setting up stuff, need a user name. DOCTOR: Learning fast. CLARA: Clara Oswald for the win! Oswin! The Doctor remembers when he first heard the name. [SCENE_BREAK] FLASHBACK INT. LIVING QUARTERS OSWIN is sitting in her chair, keyboard on her lap. She watches the DOCTOR through the periscope. OSWIN: Could always call me Oswin, seeing as that's my name. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAFE, DAY After a moment of hesitation, the DOCTOR goes back inside. INT. CAFE, DAY The WAITRESS comes up to the DOCTOR as soon as he enters. KIZLET speaks through her again. The WAITRESS walks around the DOCTOR. WAITRESS: Now I want you to take a look around. Go on. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY KIZLET: Have a little stroll. And see how impossible your situation is. WAITRESS: Go on. Take a look, I do love showing off. Electricity crackles and the WAITRESS continues working. The DOCTOR looks around, suspicious of everyone. The electricity crackles again and a young GIRL stands up from the table she shared with her family. GIRL: Just let me show you what control of the Wi-Fi can do for one. KIZLET: Stop! GIRL: Stop! Everyone in the café stops in their tracks. You can see blue digital "energy" passing over them. DOCTOR: I saw what you can do last night. GIRL: And clear! The energy dissipates and everyone leaves the room. The DOCTOR shrugs. Energy crackles again and the NEWSREADER on TV speaks as KIZLET. NEWSREADER: We can hack anyone in the Wi-Fi, once they've been exposed long enough. DOCTOR: So there's one of your walking base stations somewhere close. NEWSREADER: There's always... KIZLET: ...someone close. We've released thousands into the world. NEWSREADER: They home in on the Wi-Fi like rats sniffing cheese. INT. OFFICE, DAY While the workers are at their computers, the webcams flash individually. MAHLER is walking the floor, checking on everyone's progress. ALEXEI is the first to notice something wrong. ALEXEI: There's something up with the webcams. MAHLER walks over to ALEXEI'S station. EXT. CAFE, DAY The photos of the workers appear on CLARA'S screen and she laughs and keeps working. INT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR strides towards the TV. DOCTOR: I don't know who you are or why you're doing this but the people of this world will not be harmed, they will not be controlled, they will not be... NEWSREADER: The people of this world are in no... CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY KIZLET: ...danger whatsoever. My client requires a steady diet of living human minds. Healthy, free range human minds. He loves and cares for humanity. In fact, he can't get enough of it. DOCTOR: It's obscene. It's murder. NEWSREADER: It's life. KIZLET: The farmer tends his flock like a loving parent. NEWSREADER: The abattoir is not a contradiction. KIZLET: No-one loves cattle more than Burger King. EXT. CAFE, DAY CLARA claps her hands, snaps her fingers and gets back to work sorting through the photos. INT. OFFICE, DAY ALEXEI shares his worry with MAHLER. ALEXEI: I'm sure of it, someone's hacking the webcams. All of them. MAHLER: Everybody check your webcams! ALEXEI: But what would be the point, taking mug-shots of us lot? EXT. CAFE, DAY CLARA finds a face recognition site and uploads all the photos she took. INT. OFFICE, DAY MAHLER realizes what's happening. MAHLER: Who's on Facebook? Different workers raise their hands. EXT. CAFE, DAY CLARA'S search takes her to a number of different social networking sites to find the workers' names. INT. OFFICE, DAY MAHLER: Bebo? Myspace? EXT. CAFE, DAY CLARA'S search is complete. INT. OFFICE, DAY MAHLER: Habbo? Put your hands down if you didn't mention where you work. All hands remain raised. EXT. CAFE, DAY All the sites tell CLARA that the people all work at the Shard. CLARA looks over her shoulder and there's the building in question. INT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR strides towards the TV. DOCTOR: This ends. I am going to the end this today! NEWSREADER: How? You don't even know... CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY KIZLET: ...where we are. DOCTOR: Who's doing this? Who is your client? Hmm? Answer me! MAHLER knocks on KIZLET'S door before sticking his head in. MAHLER: Miss Kizlet, we have a problem! EXT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR comes out and walks towards CLARA. CLARA: (sits back) I did it. I really did, I did it. I found them. DOCTOR: (monotone) You found them. CLARA: The Shard. They're in the Shard. Floor 65. DOCTOR: (monotone) Floor 65. CLARA: Are you listening to me, Doctor? I found them! DOCTOR: (monotone) I am listening to you. You found them. CLARA realizes this isn't the DOCTOR, remembering how the GIRL in the house repeated what she said. The DOCTOR'S head spins, revealing him to be a Spoonhead. A beam shoots out from the dish. INT. OFFICE, DAY On ALEXEI'S screen, CLARA'S upload completes. KIZLET looks over ALEXEI'S shoulder. ALEXEI: We've got her! This time, we've really got her! KIZLET straightens up with a self-satisfied smile and walks away. EXT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR hurries out to the patio. DOCTOR: Clara! Clara! The DOCTOR stops when he sees his own face staring at him and CLARA slumped unconscious on the table. The head turns around and the DOCTOR can see CLARA in the dish. CLARA: Doctor? Doctor, help me. I don't know where I am. I don't understand. I don't know where I am! Please help me. I don't know where I am! I don't know where I am. Doctor, please, please, help me. I don't know where I am. The DOCTOR steps forward, looks at CLARA at the table and then whips out his sonic screwdriver, using it on the Spoonhead. INT. OFFICE, DAY CLARA is on one of the monitors on the wall. CLARA: Doctor, help me. Help! Help! Please! KIZLET and MAHLER are standing in front of the monitor. MAHLER: Should we pulp her? Or keep her as a hostage? KIZLET: There's no point, she's fully integrated now, she can't be downloaded again. I'm sure he knows that. (walks away from the bank of monitors) ALEXEI: I'm not sure he does. He's coming. KIZLET and MAHLER look at ALEXEI'S screen. EXT. LONDON, WATERLOO BRIDGE, DAY The DOCTOR rides across the bridge on the motorcycle, a determined look on his face. He looks at the Shard before speeding towards his destination. INT. OFFICE, DAY They watch the DOCTOR'S progress as it is captured by the many cameras along his route. MAHLER: We could stop him, I suppose. KIZLET: Why bother? It might be quite funny. EXT. LONDON, STREET, DAY The DOCTOR pulls to a stop across the street from the Shard. A MAN standing there with fish and chips (?) comes to attention as KIZLET speaks through him. MAN: Really, Doctor, a motorbike? It hardly seems like you. DOCTOR: I rode this in the Anti-Grav Olympics, 2074. I came last. MAN: The building is in lock-down. I'm afraid you're not coming in. DOCTOR: Did you even hear the word anti-grav? The DOCTOR slams a red button on the control panel, twists the throttle, and drives towards the Shard. The MAN watches and his head rises as he looks upwards. INT. OFFICE, DAY ALEXEI watches, stunned. ALEXEI: Seriously? He can do that? He can really, actually do that? EXT. LONDON, STREET, DAY MAN: Oh... INT. OFFICE, DAY KIZLET: ...dear... EXT. LONDON, STREET, DAY MAN: ...Lord. EXT. SHARD, DAY The DOCTOR rides the motorcycle up the side of the building. As he gets close to the 65th floor, he takes out the sonic and uses it. INT. OFFICE, DAY KIZLET, MAHLER and ALEXEI look towards KIZLET'S office as they hear glass shatter. MAHLER: I think that was your office. KIZLET: Excuse me, (buttons and straightens her jacket) I believe it's someone to see me. (heads for her office) INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY KIZLET opens the door to the office to see the DOCTOR'S motorcycle lying on its side on the floor amongst shattered glass. The DOCTOR is sitting at her desk, legs crossed and feet resting on its surface. He is still wearing the helmet. KIZLET: Do come in. DOCTOR: Download her. KIZLET: Sorry about the draft. (motions to smashed window) DOCTOR: Download her back into her body, right now. KIZLET: I can't. DOCTOR: Yes, you can. KIZLET: She's a fully integrated part of the data cloud now. She can't be separated. DOCTOR: Then download the entire cloud. Everyone you've trapped in there. KIZLET: You realise what would happen? DOCTOR: Yes, those still with bodies to go home to would be free. (stands up with arms out wide) KIZLET: A tiny number. Most would simply die. The DOCTOR and KIZLET come face-to-face in front of the window. DOCTOR: They'd be released from a living hell. (checks watch) It's the best you can do for them, (taps KIZLET'S nose) so give the order. KIZLET: And why would I do that? DOCTOR: Because I'm going to motivate you. Any second now. KIZLET: You ridiculous man! Why did you even come here? Whatever for? DOCTOR: I didn't. KIZLET: What? DOCTOR: I'm still in the cafe. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: EXT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR is sitting at the same table sipping a cup of coffee. He has the notebook open. CLARA is unconscious across from him. DOCTOR: I'm finishing my coffee. Lovely spot. KIZLET: What are you talking about? DOCTOR: You hack people. Me? (unclips helmet) DOCTOR: I'm old-fashioned. DOCTOR: (removes helmet) I hack technology. DOCTOR: Here's your motivation! (presses button on the notebook) The head of the DOCTOR on KIZLET'S office spins around, revealing it to be a Spoonhead. KIZLET backs away towards her desk. KIZLET: No. No. No! Not me! Not me! A beam shoots out from the dish. INT. OFFICE, DAY KIZLET now appears on one of the monitors in the wall. ALEXEI and MAHLER are watching. KIZLET: Put me back! Put me back! Download me at once! That is an order! That is an order! ALEXEI: But she's fully integrated now. We'd have to download the entire cloud. We can't do that. MAHLER: No. We can't. KIZLET: Download me! INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY The DOCTOR Spoonhead picks up KIZLET'S tablet and uses it to increase MAHLER'S obedience. INT. OFFICE, DAY KIZLET: Download me! MAHLER: Do what she says! ALEXEI walks over to his computer and types in a command. The monitors on the wall go blank as the people are downloaded back into their bodies. EXT. CAFE, DAY The DOCTOR closes the notebook as CLARA takes a deep breath but doesn't wake. Standing, the DOCTOR gently lays a hand on her head, stroking her hair, before leaving. CLARA: (wakes) Doctor? (stands and looks around) Doctor! Doctor! INT. OFFICE, DAY MAHLER is yelling at a group of armed soldiers. MAHLER: You have no right to be in this office, and I am demanding that you leave at once! SOLDIER: This building is under UNIT's control. KIZLET watches from her office, the door opened just wide enough for her to see. MAHLER: What is UNIT? I've never heard of you! SOLDIER: I suggest you calm down, sir. INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY KIZLET turns on the monitor in the wall and we see a FACE appear on the screen amongst what looks to be digital connections. The face looks like SIMEON from the last time the DOCTOR met CLARA. KIZLET: UNIT are here, friends of the Doctor, I presume. FACE: Oh, old friends, very old friends. KIZLET: Then I appear to have failed you, Great Intelligence. INTELLIGENCE: I have feasted on many minds, I have grown. But now, it is time for you to reduce. KIZLET: You've been whispering in my ear so long, I'm not sure I remember what I was before. INTELLIGENCE: Goodbye, Miss Kizlet. KIZLET backs away from the wall, looks at her tablet and swipes to the next screen. She presses "RETURN Factory Settings". INT. OFFICE, DAY A high-pitched whine is heard and all the workers grip their heads in agony and bend over in pain. Some even fall to their knees. ALEXEI straightens up. ALEXEI: Sorry, where am I? What am I doing here? Are you soldiers? What's happening? How did I get here? MAHLER: (accent a bit more working class) Excuse me, where are the toilets? ALEXEI: The toilets? MAHLER: I'm here to fix the toilets, the gents. (looks at himself) How long have I been here? INT. KIZLET'S OFFICE, DAY The soldiers enter the office. SOLDIER: Stay where you are! Ma'am, identify yourself! KIZLET is sitting cross-legged on the floor and turns around to face the soldiers. KIZLET: (childlike voice) Where are my mummy and daddy? They said they wouldn't be long. Are they coming back? INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, DAY As the family goes about their day, CLARA takes a book off the kitchen table and as she passes a window, she sees the TARDIS outside. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is sitting on a set of stairs as there is a knock on the door. DOCTOR: Come in. CLARA: (enters) So. He comes back, does he? The DOCTOR is reading a book. He has on the glasses that used to belong to AMY. DOCTOR: You didn't answer my question. CLARA: What question? DOCTOR: You don't seem like a nanny. CLARA: I was going to travel. I came to stay for a week before I left and during that week... DOCTOR: (closes book) She died, so you're returning the favour. You've got 101 places to see, and you haven't been to any of them, have you? That's why you keep the book. CLARA: I keep the book cos I'm still going. (skips over to the console) DOCTOR: But you don't run out on the people you care about. (takes off glasses) Wish I was more like that. (puts glasses into inner jacket pocket) You know, the thing about a time machine, (swings down to the floor using the railings) you can run away all you like and still be home in time for tea, (slides over to console) so what do you say? Anywhere. All of time and space, right outside those doors. CLARA: (laughs) Does this work? Eh? Is this actually what you do? Do you just crook your finger and people just jump in your snog box and fly away? (walks around the DOCTOR) DOCTOR: It is not a snog box! CLARA: I'll be the judge of that! (crosses arms) DOCTOR: Starting when? (tries to act casual and leans against the console) CLARA: Come back tomorrow, ask me again. DOCTOR: Why? CLARA: Cos tomorrow, I might say yes. Some time after 7.00 OK for you? (heads for the door) DOCTOR: It's a time machine, any time's OK. CLARA: See you then. DOCTOR: Clara? CLARA: (stops at door) Uh-huh? DOCTOR: In your book there was a leaf, why? CLARA: That wasn't a leaf, that was page one. (leaves) DOCTOR: (turns and heads back up the stairs, stopping partway) Right then, Clara Oswald. Time to find out who you are. (runs back to the console and sets the TARDIS in motion)
Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who saves Clara from the Great Intelligence? A: Clara; Q: Who does the Doctor invite to be his companion? A: the present day; Q: Where does the Doctor find another version of Clara? A: Miss Kizlet; Q: Who is the person who uses Spoonheads to upload people's souls to a datacloud? A: "Spoonheads; Q: What are the walking Wi-Fi base stations called? A: The Shard; Q: Where does Miss Kizlet work? A: all the souls; Q: What does The Doctor trick Miss Kizlet and her employees into returning back to their bodies? A: The Great Intelligence; Q: Who erases all memory of working for him from the employees' minds? Summary: The Doctor manages to find another version of Clara in the present day, where Miss Kizlet uses walking Wi-Fi base stations nicknamed "Spoonheads" upload people's souls to a datacloud, allowing her client the Great Intelligence to grow stronger. The Doctor saves Clara from this fate by tricking Miss Kizlet and her employees at The Shard into returning all the souls back to their bodies. The Great Intelligence erases all memory of working for him from the employees' minds, effectively making them innocent of any wrongdoing. The Doctor invites Clara to be his companion, but she requests that he come back the next day; she wants time to think about it.
Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Is anyone else troubled by the Spider-Man theme song? Leonard: Why would it trouble you? It's, like, your third favourite cartoon theme song. Sheldon: It is, right behind do-do-do-do-do Inspector Gadget., and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, heroes in a half-shell. Howard and Raj (together): Turtle power! Sheldon: However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that Spider-Man, Spider-Man does whatever a spider can. Howard: Yeah, so? Sheldon: I can think of many things Spider-Man can't do that a spider can. One, crawl in your ear and die. Two, legally leave Guatemala without a passport. Three, have s*x with a spider. Raj: an we change the subject? Spiders give me the jeebie-jeebies. Howard: It's heebie-jeebies. Raj: I know, but that sounds anti-Semitic. Anyway, I was thinking we could have a little film festival tonight. The theme, movies that killed their franchises. Leonard: Oh. Like Jaws 4, Indiana Jones 4, Daredevil 1. Raj: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. I mean, you know a movie's bad when my homegirl Sandy B can't save it. Leonard: Penny's working tonight, I'm in. Howard: Not me. I'm having dinner with Bernadette and her parents. Leonard: Fun. We know how much you love that. Howard: It's torture. Especially with her dad. We have nothing in common. Sheldon: You know what I like to do when I'm forced to speak with those beneath my intellectual station? I bring up an interesting topic, like the difference between Spider-Man and spiders. Howard: Thanks, Sheldon. I'll try that with my father-in-law. Sheldon: No, you can't use that one. That's mine. Uh, try this one for an ice-breaker. Uh, despite popular lore, there is no place in the continental United States, Alaska or Hawaii from which one can dig straight through the centre of the earth and come up in China. Howard: Great, thank you. Sheldon: Actually, you can't have that one either. It's too good. Sorry. Raj: What about you, Sheldon? Do you have any plans tonight? Sheldon: Sadly, yes. Amy's taking me to a memorial service. It's for one of her colleagues who is of Asian descent, so my planned conversational gambit is to casually remark that no matter how deep they dig his grave, he'll never make his way back to China. Leonard: That should lighten the mood. Sheldon: What can I say? I put the fun in funeral. Credits sequence. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. Oh, right, funeral. (Knock, knock, knock) (solemnly) Amy. Amy: Hello, Sheldon. Sheldon: I'm not allowed to wear my Silver Surfer neck tie, but you can wear a bathrobe? Amy: I think I'm too sick to go to the funeral. Sheldon: You're sick? You poor kid. Well, see ya. Amy: Sheldon, aren't you gonna take care of me? Sheldon: Me? No. No, I'm not that kind of doctor. Amy: But our relationship agreement clearly states that when one of us is sick, the other must take care of them. Sheldon: Oh, no, I see the confusion. No, the intent behind that clause was to force you to take care of me when I'm ill. When you're feeling better, you'll think that's funny. Amy: Never mind. Good night, Sheldon. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. I made a commitment in writing to comfort you in times like this. Additionally, you are my girlfriend, and I care about your well-being. Amy: Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon: You're welcome. Now let's get this over with. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Howard: So, how have you been? Mr. Rostenkowski: Fine. Howard: Good. Fine is good. How you liking retirement? Mr. Rostenkowski: It's fine. Howard: I'm sensing a theme. You ever really think about the Spider-Man theme song? How's that dinner coming? Bernadette: I just put it in. It's gonna be a while. Howard: I like rare chicken. Let's do this. Bernadette: You could die. Howard: Death by chicken. That's a pretty fowl way to go. Mrs. Rostenkowski: Here's another beer, honey. Mr. Rostenkowski: Thank you. Howard: So, Mrs. Rostenkowski, you took that trip to the Grand Canyon. How was it? Mrs. Rostenkowski: It was good. Howard: Had no idea you were the chatty one. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: 102.2. Exactly what it was half an hour ago. It's like you're not even trying to get better. Amy: Sheldon, you don't get over the flu in half an hour. Sheldon: Well, not with that attitude. Amy: I have to say, I'm finding your bedside manner a little lacking. Sheldon: I'm sorry. I just want you to get better as soon as possible. And with that goal in mind, let me ask you a question. Do you believe in the placebo effect? Amy: Of course I do. There have been many studies proving its validity. Sheldon: Great. Now, this may look like a Tic Tac, but it is really a powerful medication specifically designed to cure your illness as well as freshen your breath. Amy: Sheldon, this isn't helping. Why don't you just let me get some rest. Sheldon: How can you sleep? I'm not done making you feel better. I still have to put a cold rag on your head, sing to you and apply VapoRub to your chest. Amy: You, you want to rub something on my chest? Sheldon: Yes. All over it. Amy: Maybe we should start with that. Sheldon: Now you're being a responsible patient. Now, you may notice some tingling. Amy: Oh, I'm counting on it. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Howard: Okay, dig in. Mr. Rostenkowski: Hold up. Bless us, O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen. Howard: Took the words right out of my mouth. Bernadette: So, Dad, have you done any fishing lately? Mr. Rostenkowski: I'm going next weekend. Howard: Oh, you like to fish? Mr. Rostenkowski: Yes. Howard: Sure. I can hear it in your voice. Mrs. Rostenkowski: Oh, if he didn't like it, he wouldn't go. Howard: You know, I hadn't thought of that. (To Bernadette, whispering) Help me. Bernadette: Hey, Dad, maybe you could take Howard fishing sometime. Give you guys a chance to get to know each other better. Howard: No, no. We know each other well enough. He's been talking my ear off all night. Bernadette: Howie, I think you'd have fun. Mr. Rostenkowski: Fine, you can tag along. Bernadette: Terrific. My two favorite fellas gone fishin'. Howard: Well, hang on a second, Bernie. Next weekend, we have that thing. Bernadette: What thing? Howard: You know, the thing. Bernadette: Oh, that thing. No, I cancelled that thing. Mr. Rostenkowski: All right, it's settled. You and I are going fishing. Howard: Great. (To Bernadette) Thanks for the help. Scene: The stairwell. Howard: I've never even been fishing. This is gonna be a disaster. Raj: If you don't want to look foolish doing something, you should practice. Do you know how many Beef Wellingtons I made by myself before I invited you guys over? I'll give you a hint. You can see them here, here and here. Leonard: Raj is probably right. You should get someone to give you some pointers. Howard: Do either of you guys know how to fish? Leonard: No. Raj: No. But if you catch anything, I know how to steam it in banana leaves. Howard: Come on, we must know somebody who can do manly stuff like this. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: S'up? Scene: The apartment. Penny: Step one, worms. Howard: Ew! Penny: Okay, right there, ew is one of the things you're not gonna want to say in front of your father-in-law. It's right up there with icky and get it away. Now pick one up. Howard: Really? Penny: You're gonna have to do it when you're fishing. Howard: Okay. Penny: What are you waiting for? Howard: I don't know, for them to die of natural causes. Penny: Just pick up a worm and put him on this hook. Howard: Fine. There. Leonard: I'm no expert, but I think the hook has to go through the worm. Howard: Fine. Sorry, Mr. Worm. Sherm. Sherm the Worm. Penny: Hey, don't name him. Just jab a hook in his face. Raj: You got this, buddy. Leonard: Yeah, come on, Howard. Hook that worm. Raj: You can do it. Penny: That's great. Cheerleading, way to man things up. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon (reading): And the control group displayed significantly fewer genetic abnormalities. But, because of flaws in the experimental design relating to environment and diet, they lived inconclusively ever after. The end. Amy: That was great. Rub my chest again. (Knock at door) Sheldon: No. I need to get you down for a nap. And for some reason, that VapoRub gets you all fired up. (Opens door) Bernadette: How's the poor thing? Sheldon: Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking. Bernadette: Okay, Amy, I brought you some drugs we were working on in the lab. This is proving really good for congestion, but there's a slight chance it can make your tears burn like acid, so if you take it, happy thoughts. Sheldon: Uh, I'm going to draw you a soothing bath. Where's your bath thermometer? Amy: I don't have a bath thermometer. Sheldon: Fine. Then I'm going to draw you a nerve-wracking bath of indeterminate temperature. Bernadette: This is a really good expectorant. Although some test subjects reported lactating uncontrollably when they heard music. Amy: Okay, okay, here's the deal. I don't need your medicine. I'm not sick. Bernadette: I don't understand. Amy: I got better two days ago. It's just been so nice having Sheldon take care of me. Bernadette: So you've just been lying to him? Amy: See the stuff in my nose? Rubber cement. Bernadette: I don't mean to be judgy, but this is the kind of thing lunatics do. Amy: All right. I'll tell him. Sheldon (off): Amy, would you be strong enough to bathe yourself, or do you need my help? Amy: I'll tell him tomorrow. Mama needs a bath. Scene: The apartment. Penny: Now, let's assume, by some miracle, you actually catch a fish. You're going to have to know how to gut it. So, what you're going to do is you're going to take your knife, slice him right up the belly. (Howard gags) You want me to stop? Howard: No, I'm fine. Keep going. Penny: All right. Now, you don't want to cut too deep into its guts, or the blood will just squirt all over your face. (Howard, Leonard and Raj gag) Oh, my God. What is with you guys? Leonard: It's not our fault. Our dads never did anything like this with us. Penny: What, never? Leonard: My dad was an anthropologist. The only father-son time he spent was with a 2,000-year-old skeleton of an Etruscan boy. I hated that kid. Raj: Mine just took me to his gynecology office. I got so bored, I'd put vaginal lubricant on the bottom of my shoes and pretend I was ice-skating. Howard: Yeah, well, my quality father-son time was spending my adolescence looking out the window waiting for my dad to come back someday. Raj: Yeah, okay, Howard wins. Leonard: You know, maybe we didn't have opportunities like this when we were growing up, but right now, there's a dad that wants to take you on a fishing trip. Howard: You're right. Oh! I should do this. Penny: Great. Here you go. What you're going to do is you're going to stick your thumb down its throat, grab the guts and pull. Howard: Here we go. Oh! Penny: Oh, look, it's a female. You can see all the eggs. (All the guys gag) Scene: Amy's apartment. Amy is dancing to "Walking on Sunshine". Hears door and turns off stereo. Amy: Oh, Sheldon, am I glad you're back. Taking a turn for the worst. I think I'm going to need another bath. Sheldon: I'm surprised to hear that. See, the other day, I was concerned that you weren't recovering, so while you were sleeping, I took a cheek swab and had it cultured in the lab. Amy: Oh? Sheldon: I got the results back. Have you developed any of the following symptoms? A growing nose, or perhaps a warm sensation in the trouser region? Also known as full-blown liar, liar, pants on fire. Amy: All right, all right. But I really was sick at the beginning. It's just been so nice having you take care of me. Sheldon: It hurts that you would lie to me, Amy. I thought our relationship was based on trust and a mutual admiration that skews in my favour. Amy: I feel terrible I did this. Sheldon: It pains me to say it, but I think some form of penalty is in order, so as to discourage this type of behaviour in the future. Amy: I suppose that's fair. What do you suggest? Sheldon: In a perfect world, I'd lock you in a stockade in the public square. That probably requires a permit. Amy: I could not be allowed to go to the opening of the next Star Trek movie. Sheldon: Oh, that seems overly harsh. I mean, you gave in to a human weakness, you didn't kill a man. You know, it's a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey. Amy: Are you saying you want to spank me? Sheldon: I don't want to. But it looks like you left me no choice. Amy: That's true. I've been a very bad girl. Scene: Bernadette's parents' garage. Howard: Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to fish we go. Mr. Rostenkowski: That's what you're wearing? Howard: No good? The guy at the sporting goods store said these are what fishermen wear. Mr. Rostenkowski: Maybe in cartoons. Howard: Wish I had known that before I posted all those pictures on Facebook. Mr. Rostenkowski: All right, let's hit the road. I wouldn't mind shooting some ducks in the morning. Howard: Wait, now we're shooting things? Mr. Rostenkowski: I like using a big shell. You can't eat them afterwards, but it's fun watching them blow up. Howard: Sir, I'm flattered that you invited me, and I really want you to like me, but I don't think this trip is the way to do it. And I can't return these things if there's chunks of duck all over them. Mr. Rostenkowski: So, why'd you agree to come? Howard: 'Cause Bernadette made me. Mr. Rostenkowski: I tried to back out, too. My wife said I had to go. Howard: Really? Your wife makes you do stuff? You're a big, scary cop. Mr. Rostenkowski: You're an astronaut, and your wife makes you do things, and she's only four feet tall. Howard: So, what do we do now? They expect us to go away for the weekend. Mr. Rostenkowski: Ah. There's an Indian casino near Palm Springs. You know how to shoot craps? Howard: No, but I'm not a stranger to dice games. I was the Temple Beth-El Hebrew School Yahtzee champion. Mr. Rostenkowski: Mazel tov. I'll teach you how to play. Howard: Really? Thank you, sir. Mr. Rostenkowski: Call me Mike. Howard: Okay. Oh, boy, we're just married to a couple of ballbusters, huh, Mike? Mr. Rostenkowski: That's my wife and daughter you're talking about. Howard: Great couple of gals. Mr. Rostenkowski: I wouldn't go that far. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: Are you prepared to receive your punishment? Amy: One second. I want to put on some music. Sheldon: Why? Amy: I don't want to disturb the people next door while you discipline me. Sheldon: Very well, then. Get over my knee. Let's begin. Amy: Oh, my. Sheldon: Excuse me. You're not supposed to be enjoying this. Amy: Then maybe you should spank me harder. Sheldon: Maybe I will. Amy: Ooh!
Plan: A: Bernadette; Q: Who asks her father to take Howard fishing? A: her parents; Q: Who does Bernadette have dinner with? A: even a mundane conversation; Q: What can Howard not start with his father-in-law? A: Raj; Q: Along with Leonard, who is the only other character in the show who has no idea how to fish? A: expert Penny; Q: Who teaches Howard how to fish? A: the disgusting details; Q: What does Penny teach Howard about fishing? A: the fishing trip; Q: What did Howard and his father-in-law admit their wives forced them into? A: Palm Springs; Q: Where do Howard and his father-in-law go to the casino instead of fishing? A: flu; Q: What illness does Amy have? A: Sheldon; Q: Who takes care of Amy when she is sick? A: Relationship Agreement; Q: What does Sheldon and Amy have that stipulates that either partner take care of the other when sick? A: her cheek swab; Q: What did Sheldon have cultured in a lab to prove Amy's recovery? A: a punishment; Q: Why does Amy enjoy Sheldon spanking her? Summary: Howard and Bernadette have dinner with her parents. He cannot start even a mundane conversation with his father-in-law as they have nothing in common. Bernadette asks her father to take Howard fishing to bond with him, and Howard and his father-in-law reluctantly accept. Howard, like Leonard and Raj, has no idea how to fish, so expert Penny teaches them the disgusting details. On the morning of the fishing trip, Howard and his father-in-law both admit their wives forced them into it. This actually bonds them, as they now share common ground (successful careers but dominating wives), and instead of fishing they visit the Palm Springs casino. Meanwhile, Amy comes down with flu. Sheldon reluctantly takes care of her, as their Relationship Agreement stipulates that either partner take care of the other when sick. Amy enjoys Sheldon's care as he never otherwise shows his caring and loving side. On recovering she feigns sickness so his care will continue, a lie exposed when Sheldon, concerned at Amy remaining sick despite his efforts, has her cheek swab cultured in a lab, revealing her recovery. Though he is reluctant to hurt her by doing so, she then enjoys him spanking her as a punishment.
ZBZ HOUSE - Dining-room Rebecca : A little pick-me-up! I thought you could use it, given the whole, you know, Sweetheart debacle. Frannie : Chocolate shavings, very intuitive. Rebecca : Dark chocolate, no less.Tasty and high in fiber. It's win-win. Frannie : Speaking of win-win, remember when you were asking for more responsibility with the sorority? I think I might have something for you. Campaign manager. I'm considering a second term as Zeta Beta president. Rebecca : I can see your campaign slogan now: "Frannie, so nice she deserves to lead twice. " Frannie : That just came to you? Rebecca : I know. It's a gift. I'm thinking we strategize over the break at my house in Jackson Hole? Frannie : I think that is a great idea. Casey : You thought me being president was a great idea, too. Remember that? Frannie : And I thought Orlando Bloom was going to be the next Tom Cruise. We all make mistakes, don't we? Rebecca, walk with me. ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Ashleigh : Oh, my God, you guys! Have you seen today's Courier? Frannie : We have a school paper? Oh, my God. CRU - Rusty & Dale's room Rusty : Nope. Let's do one more. Do my eyes look crossed to you? Jen K : No, your eyes look adorable. They've looked adorable in the past 15 pictures that we've taken. Rusty : This picture has to be perfect. It'll be seen throughout Chicagoland. My parents, friends in the Eagle Scouts, my English teacher who created an eHarmony profile for me in tenth grade. Jen K : I was hoping that you wanted this picture so you wouldn't forget me. Rusty : Forget you? I can barely even remember anything before you. Jen K : Mmm, I don't want to go home. Rusty : Me neither. It's just four weeks. A nanosecond when you consider the age of the galaxy. Jen K : Good. Then let's get this picture perfect. Dale : Button up your privates, the Lord's witness coming through. Rusty : The Lord evolved our privates, Dale. He's seen them. Dale : I'm sure he doesn't want me to see. Jen K : You can look, Dale. Dale : Then you can look at this. Your people made the front page. Jen K : "The secret world of the CRU Greek system exposed!" Rusty : "s*x scandals, booze and cheating run rampant. Written by Anonymous. " Dale : Finally, the liberal media gets something right. Credits CRU - MEETING ROOM Dean Bowman : Enough! Bribing girls to pledge during rush? An automated telephone service for cheating? Indiscriminate s*x and rampant underage alcohol abuse? Clearly, you people are unable to regulate yourselves, so from this day forward the university will do it for you. As dean of students, you'll answer to me now. Cappie : Your Honor, I object! Dean Bowman : To? Cappie : Well... jean shorts. Dane Cook, highly objectionable. Oh, and, uh... oh, your complete and utter lack of presumption that we're innocent until proven guilty. No more questions, your witness. Wade : Pre-law? Cappie : Not yet, but I'm digging the suit. Dean Bowman : Son, stand up. The only presumption I'm willing to make is that the Greek social calendar will now be much less crowded. Next semester, everything changes. I'll be watching you. Cappie : Did you mean for that to sound perv-y? Evan : Dean Bowman is this close to shutting us down and you're mouthing off. Cappie : Will you quit bellyaching, Evelyn? Your parties are lame, what do you have to lose? Casey : OK, stop! Both of you. This is the time to put our issues aside and work together to... Frannie : Thank you. You can step away now. Dean Bowman may think we shosideall be held accountable, but I think we know better. There is a rat out there. There's a house that's been feeding that rat all of our secrets so it could publish its droppings on the front page. Cappie : We should focus on the university... Frannie : I, and the rest of the ZBZ sisters, will not stop until both that house and that rat are brought to justice. Who is with me? All : Yeah !!!! CRU - STREET Casey : Frannie. Frannie, wait up! Frannie : Walk faster. Casey : Just hear me out. I think the rat is in our house. And I think it's Rebecca Logan. Frannie : Hear me out. Head to student health and have your obsession checked. Casey : You started a witch-hunt and we might be the witches. Bribes to get a pledge to join a house? Hazing that involved naked pictures of faculty members? These are all things that happened at our house this semester. It's one of our pledges. "Faced with her boyfriend's infidelity, one sister had s*x with her ex-boyfriend to even the score.The original two remain the 'it' couple on campus. " Sound familiar? Frannie : Maybe you should have them run an MRI on that ego of yours too. Casey : Come on, Frannie. This isn't about you and me right now. It's about Zeta Beta. And if I'm right about Rebecca, none of the other Greeks will have anything to do with us. Frannie : Give it to me. KT HOUSE - Living - room Cappie : I said it. I said it. Hey! Rusty : So how much do you think the dean is going to investigate? The article mentioned the cheating phone number. Cappie : Don't you worry about Dean Blowman back there. He's challenged us to become more ingenious, more innovative in our pursuit of the Kappa Tau lifestyle. Take a seat. Look, next semester, it is our mission to execute some of the most ass-kicking, rule-bending parties that this campus has ever seen. Rusty : So we'll go underground? Cappie : And below the radar and behind the barn. Who is with me? Who's with me? All : Yeah !!!! ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Casey : As your pledge educator, I feel we've all grown very close. So I want you all to feel comfortable opening up to me. The author of this article knew private details that happened in this house. She clearly has no loyalty to anything or anyone except herself. Likes to spread misery. Rebecca : You're not serious. Casey : It reads like your résumé. Rebecca : Frannie, you know she's crazy, right? I've never been anything but loyal to you. Frannie : To me, absolutely. But your devotion to the sisterhood has been a bit... suspect. Rebecca : I have been a huge asset to this house, and I have received nothing but grief for it. If you think I did it, fine. Then prove it. SAGA HOTEL Calvin : Nice motel, Ash. Either you're planning a meth bender or you're on the lam. Ashleigh : Travis called this morning, and, for our six-year anniversary, he's making a spontaneous visit. Tonight. Calvin : Aren't you gonna see him when you go home? Ashleigh : That was the plan until he decided he'd rather spend the break with friends in Mexico. Calvin : Oh, that sounds... Ashleigh : Inconvenient? I know! The house is at DEFCON 5 because of this stupid article. He could not have chosen a worse time. Calvin : Well, did you tell him? Ashleigh : I did. He says he finds it highly suspect that our school paper is capable of serious investigative reporting. Calvin : Of course he did. Ashleigh : This was the only place available on six hours notice. Ugh! Help me make it livable. The last thing I need now is Travis bitching about this room. Calvin : Hey, hey, hey. Just relax, OK? The only thing this room needs to be beautiful is you in it. OK? All right? Ashleigh : Thanks. Calvin : Mm-hmm. Ashleigh : I'm not so sure Travis feels the same way. Calvin : All right, let's try to make this place look a little less like that movie Hostel. CRU - Rusty & Dale's room Rusty : So they really think Rebecca Logan wrote the article? Jen K : Yeah. And they were really angry. Rusty : I'm really angry. Aren't you? I mean, she's made a mess of everything. And for what? It's unforgivable. Jen K : Well, what if slife. About ho to hurt anyone? What if she was just... telling the truth? Rusty : Defending Rebecca Logan? Jen K : No, I'm defending whoever wrote the article because... she isn't necessarily a bad person. She might be someone you could like. Or love. Rusty : What are you saying? Jen K : I wrote the article, Rusty. Rusty : I don't understand. Jen K : I pitched the whole undercover idea to the editor at the first of the year. I wanted a spot on the newspaper staff. It's really competitive. So I went through Rush, pledging, all of it, as an unbiased observer. Only, by the end, I wasn't so unbiased, which is why I kept the article vague. I kept everyone's names anonymous. I only wrote enough to give it... Rusty : You wrote about everything. My sister's private life. About how I cheated. Jen K : No one will know that it's you. Rusty : Is Jen K really your name? Do you have an accent? I always thought you might have an accent. Jen K : No, everything that I told you about me is true. Rusty : How do I believe that? Why'd you have to tell me? Jen K : The AP picked up the story. It's going out on the wire with my name on it. My first national byline. Yay. By tomorrow, everyone will know that I wrote the article. Rusty : You need to go tell Casey. Now. Jen K : What about us? Rusty : Will you just go? Please? Jen K : Rusty, I'm sorry. Rusty : Me too. ZBZ HOUSE - Dining - room Frannie : And this is why I freaking hate legacies. Casey : But we were nice to you. Frannie : Despite you being weird and annoying. Casey : I considered you a friend. And Rusty... Oh, my God. Frannie : I knew there was a reason I hated you more than I normally hate most people. This article will be published nationally? Jen K : And I didn't plan for any of that. Frannie : Are you insane? I have to put a preemptive call into National now. You, get out! Jen K : Do you think she'll calm down? Casey : She's the least of your problems. We trusted you. I trusted you! Why would you do this? Jen K : I'm a journalism major. These are the articles that make you get internships and jobs. Casey : What about Rusty? Jen K : It was really hard. Casey : For Rusty! Considering his first love is a liar who used him and betrayed him. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Evan's room Evan : You know the dean is going to call her in and try to get her to name names and houses. You think she'll talk? Casey : I clearly have no idea who Jen K is, let alone what she'll do. I just know he must be devastated. Evan : The dean? Casey : Rusty. I've left him a bunch of messages. Evan : You know what you need? A little bit of perspective. Like the kind you get on top of a ski run in Aspen. You got your ski gear all packed? Casey : No. I may just show up with a nightie and my toothbrush and stay in bed all week. Evan : Mmm. Works for me. SAGA MOTEL Calvin : Ash? Ashleigh : Be right out! Calvin : The room looks great. It's, uh... very seductive. Ashleigh : What do you think? Calvin : Oh, wow. My eyeballs were not prepared for your hotness. Ashleigh : You make me feel beautiful, Calvin. Calvin : You know, Travis won the girlfriend lottery. Speaking of, when's the guy getting here? Ashleigh : That would be never. He's not coming. Calvin : Did he cancel on you again? Ashleigh : Uh, no, this time I canceled. Our relationship. Calvin : What happened? Ashleigh : You happened. Calvin : Oh... Oh... I'm gay. Ashleigh : Uh, what do you? What do you mean by "gay"? Calvin : I been meaning to tell you for weeks. Ashleigh : Wait a second. You've known for weeks? Calvin : I've known since elementary school. Ashleigh : We've been hanging out for months! I shared my secrets. Calvin : But it's not the same. Ashleigh : And I just threw myself at you. Calvin : Well, I was flattered, but... Ashleigh : You know about my summer at camp! That secret is definitely bi-curious. You couldn't have brought it up then? Calvin : Look, Ash, let me just tell... Just wait! Let me explain! ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Frannie : And, Rebecca, I hope you understand that I never really doubted you for a second. It was all just so... Rebecca : Oh, Frannie. I totally understand. Casey : Can I have a word? They leave in dining - room. Frannie : OK, our ZBZ rep is two minutes out. I want to be sure we're on the same page before she arrives. Our official position is that the article is an offensive work of fiction. Remember, we're all shocked and outraged. And if that doesn't work, we go Reagan. Can't remember anything. Casey : Not sure it's the best way to handle it. Frannie : Good thing you're not handling it. Nobody is to be alone with the rep except me. Shadow your little sisters. Travel in pairs. If I find any one of you... Somdebody comes in. Frannie : Welcome, sister. I'm Frannie Morgan, chapter president. We spoke on the phone. Tegan : I'm Tegan Walker. And I'm parched. Could I get a water? Frannie : Of course. Um, first of all I'd like to introduce our entire sisterhood. We are the finest group of women... Tegan : Well, if that was the case, then I'm not sure what I'd be doing here, right? Sit. Frannie : We have... we have a senator's daughter. Rebecca, come, come. Tegan : Girls, we're very unhappy. This whole situation is just so icky and gross and makes you all look awful, which makes us look awful and we hate to look awful. So we need to get to the bottom of this. Frannie : I'm so sorry you came all this way, Tegan, when the answer is simple. We're guilty. Guilty of not seeing the signs of mental instability. Sure, Jen K seemed a bit off when we first met her, but she was a legacy. Here at CRU we open our arms wide to the daughters of our Zeta Beta ancestors, no matter what shape or size they are. I mean, just... just ask Tanya. Tegan : I'll speak to the girls individually. It's the quickest way to determine what transpired. Because if we can't get to the truth and find a remedy, well, I have been authorized to pull your charter. Yeah. Oh, no. It must be flat, French, and in a bottle. CRU - Rusty & Dale's room Rusty : What are you doing here? Casey : You wouldn't return my calls. What was I supposed to do? Dale : Casey. Casey : Oh. Hi, Dale. Are those my glasses? I haven't seen those since the Bible Bunch show. Dale : What? Now, why would I have a piece of Casey Cartwright's librarian costume? Outrageous. Look at the time. I should... I should probably, uh... take my shower. Casey : Do I need to worry about him? Rusty : I don't think so. Casey : What about you? How are you doing? Your first break up is a killer. I remember when me and Gary Wallace broke up in ninth grade. I ate an entire sheet cake. Rusty : I haven't decided if I'm going to break up with Jen. Casey : Rusty, she betrayed you and your friends and me. How can you even consider staying with her? Rusty : Because I love her. How is what Jen did any different than what Evan did? Casey : She didn't just do it to you. She did it to all of us. You have to dump her. She's a liar who... Rusty : Evan was a cheater, but you looked past it. World isn't black and white, remember? People make mistakes. Casey : And it sounds like you're about to make a big one. Rusty : Well, it's mine to make. Casey : Have fun sitting at home with Mom and Dad. Rusty : Have fun skiing with Evan! ZBZ HOUSE - Dining - room Tegan : Lvy, how much interaction did you have with Jennifer during rush? Frannie : They barely spoke because Ivy hated Jen K's crazy eyes. Tegan : Frannie, could you get me another? That would be so awesome, thanks. Frannie : OK, but don't you dare start that Chinese water torture without me! Kidding. Everyone's so serious. That Ivy is a top-notch liar. Makes me wonder if she really made out with Justin Timberlake's cousin. Casey : Frannie, I think we should come clean. This woman knows something's up. We need to take responsibility and deal with it. Frannie : OK. My plan is working like a charm, so you can cancel this drama club meeting. Casey : There are 50 sorority girls in this house. We're not poster people for keeping secrets. You can't control everyone. Frannie : Remember the Casey who was dependable and willing to follow orders? I liked that Casey. This Casey is weak and kind of lame. Casey : I'm just saying you're risking everything. I'm the decider. Frannie : I decided. It's done. If there are leaks, then I will plug them. Perhaps with the body of a sacrificed sister. But who, pray tell? Maybe someone who's in charge of the pledges. Someone who's brother dated the spy whore, someone who was featured in the article. Let's hope it won't come to that. ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room Casey : She's delusional. Like Britney Spears in a barbershop. She can't see what's totally obvious. Ashleigh : Like when a guy smells good and loves Beyoncé. Casey : OK, you're hugging your pillow and not wearing earrings. Ashleigh : I broke up with Travis. Casey : Oh, my God, that's fantastic... ally sad. Are you OK? Ashleigh : It needed to happen. But that's not why I'm upset. Casey : Is it because you wasted so many years with him? Ashleigh : No, but I'll add that to the list, which also includes recently throwing myself at a gay guy. Casey : Oh, Ash, that's... so... weird. Ashleigh : I didn't know he was gay. And we spent all that time together and he never told me. Casey : Wow, Calvin's gay. Ashleigh : How'd you guess? Casey : Oh, he is your only friend of the male persuasion. Ashleigh : Ex-friend. Casey : Ash, you... Ashleigh : I made a fool of myself. Casey : OK, hold on to your pillow. I'm going to say something shocking. Maybe this isn't about you. Ashleigh : He lied to me. He led me on. Casey : This is the Greek system. We're not always a beacon of tolerance. Calvin's probably terrified of how people will react. I bet his biggest fear is that his best friends will turn their backs on him. Ashleigh : You need your own talk show. Casey : Yeah, if only I could solve this National problem so easily. Frannie is dangerously close to getting this sorority shut down. Ashleigh : Well, what would you do if you were president? Casey : You know, I thought about that. But it's kind of risky. Ashleigh : Ooh, like deadly? Casey : Like I could get kicked out for it. Ashleigh : I'm in. Casey : Ash. Ashleigh : Look, we're in this together. If you go, I go. And we can rent an apartment together off campus and talk trash about sorority girls. Casey : OK, here's what I'm thinking. If we get Tegan on her own... CRU - Street Calvin : We should give admissions tours. Rusty : Welcome to college! The food sucks. The dorm rooms suck. The relationships suck. Calvin : The non-relationships suck. You know, I expected Ash to be more open-minded. You know, especially given her fashion sense. Rusty : She might have been had you told her sooner. Calvin : Yeah. Well, I guess I need to rethink my coming-out strategy. I just wanted people to get to know the real me before I told them I was gay. You know, Ash did, and now she thinks the real me was a lie. It's counter-productive. Rusty : But you weren't exactly lying. You just hadn't shared the truth with her yet. I bet that's how Jen K feels. Calvin : How do you feel? I mean, now that you know the truth, do you think you can trust her? SHOW Show man : I'm seduced by your magnificence Tortured by your indifference My heart is a political prisoner Ashleigh : Hey. Show man : Enslaved in my chest, The missile looms, It overlooks and fights the enemy, It impales Casey : Were you followed? Tegan : You're kidding me, right? Why am I here? Casey : We needed a Greek-free zone. Listen, we don't have much time. I need to tell you that everything in that article was true. Spectator : Shh! Casey : Sorry. I'm just so moved. Show man : Guantanamo Casey : These girls are my sisters, my family. We built the best sorority on campus, the crown jewel of the CRU Greek system. I know. It looks bad. Tegan : Bad? Your ensemble looks bad. This is a disaster. Casey : But shutting us down would be devastating to me, to my sisters, and also to Nationals. Tegan : Then why have I spent the day being lied to? Casey : There is... leadership at the house who prefer manipulation over the truth. I just want to save our sorority and I have an exit strategy. We'll make a sincere public apology. Tegan : And? Casey : And next semester we'll double our philanthropy hours to set a better example. Tegan : We need more of a sacrifice. Casey : Maybe we'll cut our social calendar? In half? Tegan : Better. But this a national scandal. We have to show our other chapters and our alumni that we have zero tolerance for these activities. Casey : Well, she was my pledge. So for the house, I'm prepared to take the fall. ZBZ HOUSE - Dining - room Tegan : And it is on those terms that we are willing to give this house a second chance. After all, at Zeta Beta Zeta we believe in forgiveness and redemption. Frannie : OK, well, we'll make that work, won't we, girls? Oh, God, I'm so glad... Tegan : I'm not finished. We cannot afford to let this happen again. That article exposed a serious lack of judgment. Someone must be held accountable. Therefore, I have decided that this chapter needs a regime change. Frannie, I'm removing you as president, effective immediately. Frannie : You... You can't be serious. Tegan : Oh, when it comes to Zeta Beta Zeta, I'm totally serious. Frannie : Everything this sorority has achieved is because of me! I've made us the envy of every girl on campus. Right, girls? Tell her! Rebecca, tell her how crucial I am. Rebecca : Sweetie, your devotion to the sisterhood has been a bit... suspect. Tegan : I've selected an interim president. Someone with the integrity to lead this house through this difficult period until spring elections. Casey Cartwright. Casey : Me? Wait. Frannie, wait! Tegan : Ladies. Casey : Frannie, wait! Wait! I was just trying to save Zeta Beta. I thought she was gonna kick me out. I asked her to. Frannie : Here's my last tidbit of wisdom for you, mentee. I created you. Therefore, I can destroy you. CRU - Rusty & Dale's room Jen K : Everyone hates me. My agoraphobic roommate left our room for the first time just to avoid me. [SCENE_BREAK] Rusty : You should come in. Jen K : I just had to talk to someone, even if all they said was, "Go away. " Everyone else is acting like I'm on an airplane with TB. Rusty : What about your newspaper friends? Jen K : They're all jealous because I got a national byline. I really thought I was doing the right thing. Rusty : Doing the right thing is usually the hardest thing to do. Jen K : I really love you, Rusty. Rusty : And I loved you too. Jen K : "Loved"? Dale : Oh, sorry. Jen K : Give us a minute, Dale. Rusty : No. Dale, you can stay. Jen's leaving. Over there. Dale : Oh, right. Jen K : think you should give this a little more consideration. Rusty : Consideration? Jen K : I wrote a lot of good... Rusty : You are the last person to talk about consideration. I really want to believe if you'd given us any consideration, you never would've written the article. Jen K : Rusty, I... Rusty : No! No. Goodbye. Dale : You probably don't want to hear this. Rusty : No, Dale, I don't. I don't want to hear "I told you so. " What is that? Dale : It's an inspirational poem. It's about this guy walking along the beach, he sees footprints in the sand. Rusty : Dale... Dale : See, the beach represents his life and... Rusty : I don't want to hurt you, Dale. Dale : See, really, the times he only thought there were one set of footprints... OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Hallway Ashleigh : Oh, excuse me. Is Calvin Owens here? Man : Let me check. Hey, Owens! Your girlfriend's here! Ashleigh : I just wanted to give this to him. Man : His girlfriend brought him a present! Ashleigh : OK. OK, seriously, mature yourself for a moment. He's not my boyfriend. We're just friends. Man : Hey, I see. 'Cause Calvin is gay. Ashleigh : Oh, my God! You guys know too? Silence. Ashleigh : Um...Or... not. Just... tell him I stopped by. CRU - Street Cappie : Get in. Rusty : Cap, I can't. I moved my flight up. There's a cab coming. I'm done. Cappie : I'll take you to the airport. Put this on. It's a blindfold. Rusty : What about the airport? Cappie : Get in. Rusty : We should probably... Cappie : Get in, pledge! DOBLERS Rusty : Please tell me you didn't take me to Dobler's. Cappie : But I'd be lying. Rusty : Everyone knows my girlfriend wrote the article. They probably hate me. Cappie : There is only one group of Greeks that matter, am I right, pledge? Who is that group of Greeks? Rusty : The Kappa Taus. Cappie : Do the Kappa Taus care what other people think about them? Rusty : No. Cappie : And are you a Kappa Tau? Rusty : Yes. Cappie : So, what's the problem? Rusty : Fine, I'll stay for a little bit, but then we go directly to the airport. Cappie : Whatever you say, Spitter. Rusty : OK? Beaver : First round's on me. Ashleigh : Hey, Jeanette! Love your top. Girl : Thank you! I hate your sorority and everything you stand for. Rebecca : Do you know who I am? Girl : Yes. Rebecca : Well, I have no idea who you are. Leave. Ashleigh : Thanks. Rebecca : Nobody talks like that to one of my sisters. Ashleigh : Oh, hold on. Hello? Cappie : Milady. Ashleigh : Casey's on her way. She's waiting for Evan. Rebecca : All hail the queen. Ashleigh : Looks like you don't have to be Frannie's number two. Rebecca : Please, I'm nobody's number two. Ashleigh : Oh, sorry. Calvin : Ash, I'm so sorry. Ashleigh : Calvin, I'm so sorry. Wait. Why are you sorry? Calvin : Look, it wasn't that I didn't want to tell you. I just... Ashleigh : It's OK. You don't have to explain. I'm sorry I handled it the way... Calvin : No, don't be. Look, I am the one who was wrong here, OK? I should've just trusted you. I just... Ashleigh : I take it you haven't been by the house? Calvin : No. Why? Ashleigh : I... might have possibly...told them you're gay. Calvin : You what? Ashleigh : Accidentally! I didn't get to that part yet. Calvin : Wait, so after you thought I spurned you, you accidentally outed me to my entire house? Ashleigh : OK, first of all, no one says "spurned. " And second, I'm sure if you just go... Calvin : I can't believe you did that. You know what? All those "I'm sorries," I take them all back. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Evan's room Evan : Is that my little ski bunny? Frannie : Got a carrot for me? Evan : Frannie? What's up? Frannie : Evan. Evan, Evan, Evan. Where should I begin? Cute pic. Evan : Uh... Where's Casey? Frannie : I love Casey's eyes. They're so big and innocent. Like Bambi's. Do you think you could look into them and tell when she's lying? Evan : Frannie, seriously what are you doing here? Frannie : Didn't you think it was a little weird that Casey stayed with you after the whole Rebecca Logan sexident? Evan : Not that it's any of your business, but we worked through that. It made us stronger. Frannie : You are adorably naive. Listen, Casey has had this whole thing scripted since day one. She stayed with you not because you're Evan, but because you're Evan Chambers. Having you on her arm makes her the "it" girl on campus. It makes her powerful. It assures her the Zeta Beta presidency. Evan : How could you even think that? Frannie : Because I'm the one who told her to do it. To her credit, she wanted to dump you. But I reminded her that doing so would have serious implications on her social standing. I dangled the carrot of Zeta Beta presidency and your little ski bunny ate it right up. Evan : All right, you can leave now. Frannie :Just one more thing, Evan, because I'm sensing you're not 100 percent convinced. Deep down, in the chambers of your heart, do you truly believe Casey is over Cappie? 'Cause I think she's still under him. Have a great break! ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room Casey : I was just coming downstairs to meet you. Nationals appointed me president of Zeta Beta. Evan : So they removed Frannie? Casey : Yeah. Evan : What did you, like, plan that? Casey : Frannie was trying to stonewall them. We were gonna get shut down, so I took matters into my own hands to save the house. I never thought it would go this far. Evan : No, right. Of course you didn't. Casey : I know. I feel super bad for her. But I also feel like this is my chance to show everyone what I have to offer. Do you think it's wrong that I'm excited about it? Evan : I mean, it's hard to tell what's right and what's wrong anymore. Casey : Uh, what do you mean? Evan : After I cheated on you, why'd you get back with me? Casey : Because... I love you. Why are we talking about this? Evan : So it wasn't so you'd become sorority president, right? 'Cause that's... Casey : Did Frannie come to you? Evan : So it is true. Casey : No, look. Frannie told me staying with you was in my best interest. But I didn't want to break up. I was just hurt. Evan : Really? What, and Cappie helped with that? It must have been nice to have a "get in his pants free" card? Casey : Why are we talking about this now? We're past it. Evan : So nothing's happened between the two of you since you got even with me? Tell the truth. Casey : When we were working on our paper together, we kissed. But it didn't go any further. Wait. Evan, don't go! I'm wearing your letters. I'm planning forever with you. I love you. Evan : No! No, you love you! You love what I can do for you! You know, you're a ZBZ president now. You don't need me anymore. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Hallway Calvin : Hey, guys. So I guess you heard I'm gay. Don't worry, it's not contagious. Does anyone want to talk about it? KT HOUSE - Living - room Rusty : Let me tell you something, Beaver. Women. Women are like ions in a dense plasma. Bustling along, snatching up unsuspecting electrons to make themselves complete. But your brothers? We're electrons in a tenuous plasma. Whoa. Never tempting each other to recombine, just happily coexisting. I love you, electron. I think I'm drunk. Where's my big electron? I've got to find him. Find him. I've got to find him. Electron. Electron. Electron. Cappie? Cappie, I just... I really wanted to say that I really... Oh, God. Cappie : Spitter? Rusty : Shh. You're dreaming. Go to sleep. EXT. ZBZ HOUSE Casey : What's this? Ashleigh : It's a breakup first-aid kit. Casey : Oh, Jagged Little Pill. Ashleigh : If I can't be there, Alanis can. Casey : Ash. Ashleigh : We'll figure it out. CRU - Bus Stop Cappie : So... we took a little detour last night, huh? How you feeling? Rusty : My eyeballs hurt. I think something's growing on my tongue. And I'm missing one sock. Cappie : Still need a ride to the airport? Rusty : I'm just gonna take the bus. Cappie : See if I can get a flight on standby. Rusty : A funny thing happened last night and I just didn't want... Casey : What are you doing here? Rusty : I missed my flight. You? Casey : Long story. Do you want a ride home? Ten hours, I'll tell you everything. Rusty : OK. Cappie : Listen, take care, Spitter. Remember, next semester, a whole new game. And about last night. Look, I... Rusty : Next semester. Cappie : Take care, buddy. Casey : You ready to get out of here? Rusty : Let's go home. Casey : Don't touch that.
Plan: A: first; Q: In which chapter finale does a " witch hunt " begin? A: CRU; Q: What school's Greek System is threatened by an article in the school's newspaper? A: a " witch hunt; Q: What is the search for the mystery undercover reporter called? A: Nationals; Q: What group sent a representative to investigate ZBZ? A: the university; Q: Who cracks down on the Greeks? A: Casey; Q: Who is appointed interim president of the sorority? A: the house; Q: What is Casey worried might be shut down? A: Teagen; Q: Who does Casey confess to about the sorority's role in the article? A: ( Charisma Carpenter; Q: Who is Teagen? A: Tagen; Q: Who removes Frannie as president? A: Evan; Q: Who breaks up with Frannie after she convinces him that Casey is only with him because of his social standing? A: Rebecca; Q: Who does Cappie sleep with? A: Calvin; Q: Who comes out to Ashleigh? A: an attempted apology; Q: What is Ashleigh trying to do when she accidentally outs Calvin to Omega Chi? A: his resignation; Q: What does Ashleigh's outing of Calvin cause? Summary: In the first chapter finale , after an exposing article in the school's newspaper threatens CRU's Greek System , a " witch hunt " in search of the mystery undercover reporter begins. A representative from Nationals is also sent to investigate ZBZ and the university cracks down on the Greeks. Frannie insists that their best defense is to lie, but Casey is worried that the house might be shut down, and confesses to Teagen ( Charisma Carpenter ) the sorority's role in the article. Tagen removes Frannie as president and appoints Casey as the interim ; Frannie retaliates by convincing Evan that Casey is only with him because of his social standing, and he breaks-up with her. Meanwhile, Cappie and Rebecca sleep together, and Calvin comes out to Ashleigh, after she comes on to him; in an attempted apology, she accidentally outs Calvin to Omega Chi, forcing his resignation.
Michael: Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies. Pam: I'm not making any copies. Michael: Let's go. Messages. Stat. Lots to do, lots to do. Information superhighway. Pam: Nothing new. Michael: Lay them on me. What? Pam: There's nothing new. Michael: That's not what you said earlier. Pam: Oh, do you want me to repeat the messages that I gave you before for the... [nods toward camera] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today, I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um... Yes, in a way. Yeah, like a specialist. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: So, which health plan have you decided on? Michael: I am going to go with the best, Jan. I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage, you know, the works. Jan: Wait, acupuncture? None of the plans have acupuncture. Have you looked at them closely Michael? Michael: I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the Gold Plan. Jan: The Gold Plan? I'm not even on that plan. Michael: Well, I'd recommend it. It's very good. Jan: Michael. Michael: You gotta crack these things open. Jan: You know the whole reason that we're doing this, is to save money. So you just need to pick a provider and choose the cheapest plan. Michael: Well, that is kind of a tough assignment. Um... It won't be popular decision around the old orifice. Jan: It's your job. So... Michael: Well, it's a suicide mission, you know. Jan: Michael... maybe... I mean... Michael: There, there... Jan: Sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time. Michael: [scoffs] When have you ever done that? Jan: I'm doing it right now. To you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Last night on Trading Spouses, there's... have you seen it? Pam: No. I have a life. Jim: Interesting, what's that like? Pam: You should try it sometime. Jim: Wow. But then who would watch my TV? That is... Pam: [laughs]... your problem. Michael: Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There's a decision that needs to be made, and I'm having an unbelievably a busy day. So I'm going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers. Jim: Gosh. Michael: Yeah! Jim: That is a great offer. Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales. Michael: Really? Jim: Yeah. I just don't think this is the kind of task, that I... am going to do. You know who would be great for this? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Yes. I can do it. I'm your man. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company then this would be my career. And uh, well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: OK, first, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire? Michael: Ah, none. You're picking a health care plan. Dwight: OK, we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'll need an office. I think the conference room should be fine. Michael: You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace. Dwight: [to self] Yes, I have an office. [to camera] Bigger than his. Michael: Nope, you cannot use it. Dwight: OK, I take it back, it's a workspace. Michael: Temporary workspace. You can use it. Dwight: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: If Dwight fails, then that is strike two, and good for me for, ah, for giving him a second chance. And if he succeeds, then, you know, no one will be prouder than I am. I groomed him. I made him what he is today. Unless he fails, and we've talked about that already. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people. Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: There's no dental, there's no vision, there's a $1,200 deductible. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Michael: [on phone] Pam, Michael Scott. How's tricks? Pam: Where are you? Michael: Oh, I am in my office. I am swamped. I have work up to my ears I'm busy, busy, busy. Can't step away. I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. Everybody cool out there? Pam: Actually, people are really unhappy. Um, Dwight sent around this memo and people are freaking out 'cause the... Michael: Pam! Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I, I, I, I gotta go. I'm getting a call. Pam: No you're not. Michael: I have to make a call after I finish... my work. You know what? Uh, just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today. I'm just too busy. Too swamped, you know? I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce? Pam: OK. Michael: Thank you, Oh, gah, here we go again. Gotta go, I have to take this. Pam: Still no one calling. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dwight, what... Dwight: Uh, knock, please. Please knock. This is an office. Jim: It says "workspace". Dwight: Same thing. Jim: If it's the same thing, then why did you write "workspace"? Dwight: Just knock, Please? As a sign of respect for your superior. Jim: You are not my superior. Dwight: Oh gee, then why do I have an office? Jim: I thought it was a workspace? Pam: OK. Dwight. Are you really in charge of picking the health care plan? Dwight: Yes. And my decision in final. Pam: This is a ridiculously awful plan. Because you cut everything. Dwight: Aww, times are tough, Pam. Deal with it. Jim: You cut more than you had to, didn't you? Dwight: Sure. Jim: Well, why did you do that? You work here, don't you want good insurance? Dwight: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system. Jim: OK, well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies. Dwight: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute. And superior brain power. Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol? Dwight: So I can lower it. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: He literally won't come out of his office. Kevin: He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom. Angela: Kevin! That's inappropriate. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Michael, can I talk to you? Michael: Ah, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check? Meredith: Michael. Michael, please, can we talk to you about this memo? Michael: Ah, what? Which memo? Pam: Dwight's health care memo. I told you about it. Michael: Is it a good plan? Dwight: It's a great plan. It saves the company a fortune. Oscar: It's like a pay decrease. Pam: Michael, he made huge cuts. Michael: Cuts? What? Wow, Dwight, did you make cuts? Dwight: Yeah, you said... Michael: No, no , no, you know what? I said nothing specific because I was so busy. Why don't you go in there and find these people a plan that will work for them? OK? Dwight: I can handle that. Michael: OK? All right. Do we feel good? All right. Good. Plus, there's some other good news. Today, at the end of the day, I will have, for all of you, a big surprise. OK? So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day. Right? [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: This is not good. Angela: It's ridiculous. Did you talk to him? Oscar: What was that? Angela: You let him walk all over you. It's just pathetic. Kevin: What are you guys talking about? Angela: Nothing, Kevin. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Do I know what the surprise is? Hell no! It doesn't matter. The point is, they're not unhappy anymore. They're out there thinking, "Wow, my boss really cares about me. He has a surprise. He's cool. I... what a great guy. I love him. I... love him. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: OK, everyone. Gather round. Step forward. It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan. So what I'd like you to do is to fill this out and write down any diseases you have that you might want covered and I'll see what I can do. Jim: OK, you know what Dwight? We can't write our diseases down for you because that's confidential. Dwight: OK, well, I didn't say to write your name down, did I? Fill it out, leave it anonymous. Or, don't write any disease down at all and it won't be covered. Sound fair? Good. I'll be in my office. Jim: Workspace. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what? Come with me. We are going on a little mission. Operation Surprise. Pam: Where are you going? Michael: Um, headed out. Part of my busy day, you know. Meetings. [Giggles] Couldn't find the knob. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, basically, I want to do something nice for my employees. Atlantic City, OK? They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. Picks everybody up, you head down there, get to the hotel, room is comped, they give you a pile of chips, and your food, everything just kind of all-inclusive, free kind of weekend. Travel Agent: I don't know of anything like that, but, um, you know what you might want to do, is just call those casinos directly. Um, maybe? Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, so... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both. Pam: I'm inventing new diseases. Jim: Oh, great. Pam: So, let's say my teeth turn to liquid and then, they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that? Jim: I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion. Pam: Nice. Jim: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on his cell phone] Calling you to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride. Man on Phone: You mean the elevator that takes you down into the mineshaft? It's not really a ride. Michael: Its says here that it's a 300ft drop. Man on Phone: It goes 300 feet into the earth, but it moves really slowly. Michael: So it's not a free fall? Man on Phone: It's an industrial coal elevator. Michael: Uh, all right. Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, so I don't know what the surprise is. Am I worried? No. No way. See, I thrive on this. This is my world. This is improv. This is Whose Line is it Anyway? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Damnit! Damnit Jim! Dwight: All right, who did this? I'm not mad. I just want to know who did it so I can punish them. Jim: What are you talking about? Dwight: Uh, someone forged, uh, medical information and that is a felony. Jim: OK, whoa. 'Cause that is a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake? Dwight: Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection. Dwight: You did this, didn't you? Jim: Absolutely not. Dwight: Yes you did. Jim: No I didn't. Dwight: I know it was you. Fine. You know what? I'll have to interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for any one! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Killer nanorobots? Pam: It's an epidemic. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need, because someone in this office is coming up with all this ridiculous stuff. [reads off of paper] "Count Choculitis" Jim: Sounds tough. Dwight: Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula? Jim: Do you? Dwight: I think you need to confess... Jim: Mmm hmm. Dwight: ...the fact... Jim: Yep. Dwight: What are you doing? Those are my keys. Jim: Good luck. [closes door and locks it] Dwight: Jim! Damnit! No! Jim! Let me out! Jim! Let... [Without looking, Jim throws his keys to his left, they land on a shelf next to Stanley] Stanley: [looks at keys, continues talking on phone] ...the light green or green... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [answering phone] Jim Halpert. Dwight: Let me out. Jim: Who is this? Dwight: Let me out or you're fired. Jim: No, you can't fire me. Dwight: Yes I can. I'm manager for the day. Clean out your desk. Jim: OK, can you hold on? I'm getting the, ah, beep. [presses button on phone]] Jim Halpert. Pam: [on phone] Hey, Jim. It's Pam. Jim: Hey Pam! How are you? Dwight: Jim! Open the door! Pam: Good, how are you? Busy? Jim: I'm doing OK. Getting excited for the weekend though. What are you up to? Dwight: Jim! Pam: Um, I'm not bothering you, am I? Jim: No, not at all. Pam: You don't have anything you're doing? Jim: I have nothing to do. Dwight: Jim! Pam: Oh great. Um, no, this weekend? Nothing. I'm not really doing anything. Dwight: Jim! Jim: Oh yeah? Pam: I might go to the mall. Jim: The mall? Dwight: Jim! Pam: I need new shoes. Jim: Oh, interesting, what kind of shoes? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Hello? Dwight: Uh, hello. Uh, this is Dwight Schrute calling for Jan Levenson-Gould. Jan: This is Jan. Dwight: Hi. Dwight Schrute calling, acting manager, Scranton branch. Listen, I needed your permission to fire Jim Halpert. Jan: Who is this? Dwight: Dwight Schrute. Jan: From sales? Dwight: Well... Jan: Where's Michael Scott? Dwight: He is not here right now. He put me in charge of the office. Jan: Dwight, listen to me very carefully. You are not a manager of anything. Understand? Dwight: That's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking the health care plan. Jan: Really? Dwight: Yeah. Jan: OK, when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately. Dwight: Call you immediately. Good. Oh, hey, listen, um, since I have you on the phone, um, can I fire Jim? Jan: No. Please don't use my cell phone ever again. Dwight: Oh, this is your cell, I thought this was your... [dial tone] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, hey, everybody, Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh! [laughs] Here you go. Take one, take one. It's all good. Phyllis, think fast. Ya-bome! Oh, oh, I see Angela. Angela? Right? Waaaaah! Oh, hey temp. Why don't you take two? Because you don't get health care. And uh, faster metabolism. Ryan: Did you get the kind with the cookies? Instead of the... Michael: Why don't you just eat it, OK? And here you go, Stanley the manly. Stanley: Oh, thanks. Michael: There you go. Stanley: This isn't the big surprise, is it? Because we've been having a pretty horrible day. Michael: Uh, nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising, um... because you didn't expect it. But you will... you'll know it when you see it. Dwight: Michael. Michael? Michael: [under his breath] Oh, Christ. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I tried being rational, OK? And what happened? The employees went crazy, I got no help from corporate. That leaves me with no options. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'm now going to read out loud your submitted medical conditions. When you hear yours read, please raise your hand to indicate that it is real. If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered. Stanley: What about confidentiality? Dwight: You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted pen1s. Meredith: Could you mean v*g1n*? Because if you do, I want that covered. Dwight: I thought your v*g1n* was removed during your hysterectomy? Meredith: A uterus is different from a v*g1n*. I still have a v*g1n*. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: OK, great. Dermatitis. Thank you Angela. I'll make sure that's covered. OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? a**l fissures? Kevin: That's a real thing. Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it. Kevin: Someone has it. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Do you think we should go ? Oscar: I don't know, Kevin. This is important. I don't want... [spots Michael through the blinds] There he is. Kevin: What is he doing? Oscar: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Well? Michael: Well, what? You could be referring to anything. Oscar: OK, the health care plan. Pam: Why did you put Dwight in charge of that? He did a horrible job. Michael: Uh, Dwight? Did you raise benefits? Dwight: I most certainly did not. Michael: Oh come on! That's horrible! Aaah... Thanks, Dwight, for a crappy plan. Ah, Damn! Oh, mmm, I wish I had time to change it, but Jan needs it by five, and... what time is it, what time is it? [looks at watch] Ah, it's after five. Oh, oh it's awful. So, well, OK. See you guys on Monday. Angela: What about the surprise? Michael: Oh... Yes. Exactly. Thank you Angela, for reminding me. Terrific. Um, before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, would you like to tell me what you think the big surprise is? Stanley: We all think you don't have a surprise. Michael: All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise. And... here it is. Here we go. And the big surprise is... Brrrrrrrr! Drum roll... Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrr! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive. See I learned improve from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [clapping hands] God, yeah... Ah! This... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. [as Robin Williams] "Hi. I'm Mork from Ork." Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh, um... Jan wants you to call her.
Plan: A: money; Q: What does Michael want to save to prevent downsizing? A: Michael puts Dwight; Q: Who is in charge of choosing the company's new health care plan? A: Michael; Q: Who promises a surprise to the office? A: Dwight's chosen plan; Q: What plan slashes benefits? A: the chagrin; Q: What did the other employees feel when Dwight's plan slashed benefits? A: the entire office; Q: Who did Michael promise a surprise to? A: the rest; Q: What part of the day does Michael spend scrambling to come through with his promise? A: Michael's surprise; Q: What do the employees wait for? A: Dwight's medical forms; Q: What do Jim and Pam amuse themselves with? Summary: In an effort to save money to prevent downsizing, Michael puts Dwight in charge of choosing the company's new health care plan. Dwight's chosen plan slashes benefits, much to the chagrin of the other employees. In an attempt to appease them, Michael promises the entire office a surprise, and then spends the rest of the day scrambling to come through with his promise. The employees wait for Michael's surprise, which he awkwardly never delivers. Meanwhile, Jim and Pam amuse themselves with Dwight's medical forms.
[Begins with Brian surveying Babylon. Shots of dancers. He walks down the stairs and wanders through the crowd.] Guy#1: He's amazing! Guy#2: Unbelievable. Guy#1: When did he moved to town? Guy#2: Few weeks ago. [Brian smiles.] Guy#1: I guess his name is Brandon. [Brian is not happy suddenly and turns to see Brandon standing at the bar. Brandon looks bored.] Guy#1: I've heard he has the most beautiful cock. [Ben is sitting alone in Hunter's old room, looking sad. Michael walks to the door.] Michael: I've rolled over but you weren't there. What do you doin'? Ben: Sitin' here, thinking. Michael: Why you didn't come to bed? Ben: I can't sleep. Michael: Ben... Ben: I keep wondering... Michael: ...where he his? Ben: ... and hoping that he is alright. Michael: Yeah, me too. Ben: I keep searching for something, something that... we could have said, we should have said change his mind. Michael: And know you found it? What we should have said? That's because there isn't anything. His was determined to leave. So he left, there wasn't anything we could have done to stopped him. Why you're beating yourself up over it? Ben: Because he was my blood. You still have your healthy daughter, Michael. She'd be loved, send to a good school, raising in a world where she has every chance, every opportunity - not like Hunter, who had nothing, less than nothing. I want give him all the things he never had. Michael: So did I. Ben: But I've failed. Michael: You didn't failed. Ben: Yes, I did. I did failed. Michael: We gave him a home. Everything we could of ourselves to make him part of our family. Ben: So why isn't he still here? [Ted f*cking Troy. They collapse in bed afterwards, Troy looking at Ted with love in his eyes. Cut to the gym.] Emmett: So you'd f*ck him over? Ted: Did I ever - f*cked him over the couch, over the counter, over the coffee table... Brian: What do you think you are, Theodore? Me? Ted: I must admit - it was pretty impressive. Emmett: But after you plowed him so deep that when you really give it him him, right? Right!? [no answer] Teddy? Ted: Not yet. Emmett: What do you mean, not yet? Ted: Why rush it? It's all so... delicious. Emmett: Have you forgetten what he did to you, how he humiliated you? Brian: And pitty f*ck. Ted: Thanks for the memories. That's why I'm waiting exactly for the right moment when the revelation who I am has maximum impact. Brian: I would interject. They say revenge is the best plan but in this particular instance is the dish b*st*rd hot, hard, and as many times as possible. Emmett: And you served it as many times as MacDonalds. Remember your plan? Your strategie. I say screw Troy the sticky place. Brian: Better yet, just screw. [Lindsay's mother is checking out her new place. She has brought groceries by.] Nancy: I know I had no idea you living under such conditions. Lindsay: What conditions? It's a perfect decently apartment. Nancy: But perfectly decent is not good enough for my daughter. Lindsay: But in the moments it's all your daughter can afford. You didn't have to do all this. Nancy: Here, just as you like. Glace cookies. I just don't see why she has the house. Lindsay: Well, it was my decision to leave. Nancy: But still it doesn't seem fair. Lindsay: At the moment fair is not a word in my vocabolary. Nancy: Darling. I know we had our differences. And you've no idea how much it's hurt me. But consider your currently situation - could we don't just pull that behind us? Lindsay: I'd like nothing better. Nancy: Good, then come live with us. Lindsay: What!? Nancy: Your dad and I talked it over and we think it's a plented idea if you and Gus would move in. At least you got your life together. Lindsay: I don't think that is a very good idea, mom. Nancy: But we have plenty of room. And I promise not to get in your way. Lindsay: It's not just that. I can barely keep it myself. Nancy: I would love to get the chance to know him, so would your father. Lindsay: As much as I appreciate the opportunity... Nancy: Before you say no, you think of all the money you've save. But most of all - more the chance to be a family again. [Emmett, Justin, Michael, Mel and J.R. at the diner, all sitting in a booth together. Michael's playing with the baby.] Debbie: Tuna for Michael, cheese bacon for sunshine and for the Queer Guy a bootless burger. Emmett: Just like me. Debbie: What? Emmett: My producer inform me that in the future when I'm on-screen I have no ass, no dick, no sexuality. I am, as Brian point out a ball-less unit. Who's porpuse in life is to entertain the straight folks. In fact, I shouldn't even call a homosexual. From now on call me a homo-inaffectual. [Mel is reading from the newspaper.] Mel: Oh, no! Emmett: Oh yes, apparently Pittsburgh isn't ready to look at the fact that queers are anatomical correct but they actual use all the parts. Mel: That's not just Pittsburgh. "Yesterday afternoon Family America serveral citience are announce they have enough signature for Proposition 14 placed at the upcoming stage of ellection. If past the controversial measure could dissolve alot of rights between same s*x couples." Debbie: That's goddamn f*cks! They're did it again. It's not enough they say no to marriage, they could go after everything!? Michael: C'mon, ma. Don't overreact. Mel: "Proposition 14 is the is the most homophobic pieces in the country's history would effectifly negate Powers of Attorney, custody arrangements, join bank accounts, domestic partnerships, domestic partnership benefits." Michael: Holy sh1t! That is everything! Debbie: Who says don't overreact? Mel: That's what the other people says once. Next thing you know they've been shipped off the caps. [Michael and Justin talking at the comic book.] Justin: They can't do such things, can they? Michael: They already have - in Virginia. And a dozen other states are trying do the same. Justin: But if that happens they would destroy everything you and Ben have worked for. That you've built together. Michael: Tell me about it. I could loose my health insurrence from Ben's job, they can invalidate our mortgage. We can loose the house. Justin: And what about your plans to adopt Hunter? Michael: If he ever comes back. Justin: Sorry. Michael: It's not just Ben and me. It's everyone - it's Mel and Linds and the kids. Eli and Monty. Maybe even you. Justin: Me? Michael: If you and Brian, maybe... Justin: We won't. Michael: Well, you never know. He could mellow. Justin: He is not a hearty heart, Michael. He's not going to mellow. Whatever those Prop. take away, it is something that he would nevergave me in the first place. [At Mel's house.] Mel: You actually consider to live with them? Lindsay: It's seems like a perfectly option. Mel: Yeah, so is jumping over a roof. Lindsay: Alright, enough. They're still my family. Mel: A family that never accepted you or me or our children. A family that basicly disowned you, doesn't speak with you, had nothing to do with you and suddenly they show up the blue and rescue you? That's not goin'. Lindsay: But it's possible for people to change. Mel: People - yes. Your parent - no. Lindsay: She says she want to know her grandson to make a maths. Mel: Uh-huh. Lindsay: And getting live together an apartment will take the pressure of me and our financily. Mel: Well, when it's the worth of price. Lindsay: If there only admit they were wrong, change their minds, learn from their mistakes - then I would, at least consider, of it. [Mel sighs dejectly and goes upstairs.] [More Ted f*cking Troy. Everywhere, all over the place, in every position. They collapse on the floor in exhaustion. Troy is kinda cuddling Ted. Ted stares up at the ceiling and sees his Good Conscience (Emmett) and his Bad Conscience (Brian) on hand to give advice.] Emmett: "Congratulations, Ted. That's your thirth time tonight." Ted: Who's keeping score? Emmett: "I am. Look at him - so smug, so satisfied - now's the perfect time to send him off with his not unattractive tail between his legs." Brian: "What the f*ck for? You've got the son-of-a-bitch where you want him with the ass in the air. And it's not a bad." Emmett: "Don't listen to him! Tell!" Brian: "What the hell does he know? f*ck!" Ted: Would you get off my back! Troy: Huh? Ted: Nothing, just a getting little heavy, that's all. Troy: If something wrong just tell me. Ted: Actually there is... [Devil Brian shakes his head] Emmett: "Go for it, Teddy! C'mon, it's your chance." Ted: You, uh,... [long pause] you want to go to Babylon tomorrow night? Brian: [shakes with laughter.] Emmett: Where is your backbone?" Brian: "Where is the lube"? [Justin sitting alone at the loft, looking very thoughtful. Brian comes home and goes to the fridge, getting out a bottle of water. There's a flashback to season one when Brian first brings Justin to the loft and pours the bottle of water over himself. ] Brian: Babylon was packed tonight. Justin: It's nice. Brian: Line were over the block. Justin: Great(!) Brian: It was hard to move on the dancefloor. Justin: Whatever if happens they all means, keep on dancing. Brian: How about you, dear? How was your evening? Justin: Not nearly as exciting as yours. I spend it here, alone, thinking. And don't say, it's always a dangerous sign. [He's walked into the kitchen with Brian so that they're standing face to face now.] Justin: I made some decisions. Brian: About what? Justin: My life. What I want. Brian: I though you already worked out. Your gotta live off your considerable Hollywood wealth while trying his hand at being an artist. Justin: Why your making fun of me? Brian: I'm not making funny. You making me f*cking nervous just... tell me what you want and what you decided and we can go to bed and f*ck. Justin: You already know what I want. Why I always repead? Brian: That's right, you have. A husband, a family, a home, all the things that makes life worth living. Justin: Would you f*cking cut it out!? Just stop it. And I know you can't give me those things. Brian: Not can't. Can't implies that I'm incapable. It's that, I won't. Justin: I accept that. That's suppose why I'm always love you. Brian: Oh, the untamable beast. Justin: But to be a couple, though, both people have to want the same things, to move in the same direction. If they can't or won't, they have no where to go. Brian: Probably not. Justin: So why are we still doing this if we both know it's never going to work? Brian: Damned if I know. [Justin walks to the bedroom then, puts on his jacket and picks up his already packed bags. Justin and Brian meet in front of the door. Justin drops his bags and hugs Brian. After a long moment, Brian returns the hug.] Brian: Where you goin'? Justin: I don't figured it out. [Justin gathers his bags and walks to the door.] Brian: Let me know... [Justin closes the door, a sad Brian turns away.] [Lindsay's dad is playing with Gus.] Ron: Oh my godness, you're turned into a monster. Nancy: Be careful, Ron, your back. Ron: [to Gus] Hey partner, you wanna see your room? Would you ladies excuse us? [They leave and let the ladies alone. Lindsay unpacks her things.] Nancy: Didn't I tell you, he'd be thrilled? Lindsay: Mom! Nancy: What? Lindsay: You have my prom picture out! Nancy: I always loved that picture. Lindsay: Look at that hair, and the gown. It's embarracing. Nancy: Not to me. You're as handsome as I just sit here. Lindsay: You do? Nancy: Sometimes I feel it's all I left from you. Lindsay: Thanks, mom - for being so generous. Nancy: It's a pleasure for me. By the way we have some people coming for diner tonight. It's nothing formal. It's from dad's office. Lindsay: Don't worry, I'll don't be in your way. I stay up here, take a bath, read. Nancy: I'm happy if you would join us. Lindsay: It's been a long day... Nancy: I understood. Whatever you like. But if you change our mind, I was making your favourite. I was wish as a welcome-home diner. Lindsay: Oh, then I suppose I have no choice. Nancy: It's so good you're back. [Ben sitting on the couch with a book but he's not reading it. He's sadly staring out into space. Michael comes up behind him and starts rubbing his shoulders.] Michael: You're reading the DVD titles? I do it sometimes and think that I need glasses. "Singing in the Rain", "Someone make it hot", "Dirty Harry". Oh yeah, I remember that was a p0rn film. [no response.] Hey, I'm joking. OK, it wasn't very funny. How come you with me to bed, bath and begone and throw pillows in the bed? It says it's stylish and an expensive. Of course you don't need a pillow to enlife your room, do we? Ben? Ben: I remember, we watching those movies with Hunter. He'd never heard of St.Number 8 - he'd loved it. He watched it 49 times. Michael: And that was even after he wasn't gay. Please, come with me. Ben: Everything in the house reminds me him, whereever I look. Michael: That's why it's maybe a good idea to get out for a while and take off your mind for a thing. [no answer] Listen, there is meeting at the Gay and Lesbian Center tomorrow night. About this Proposition 14. Ben: So? Michael: So we should go. They're gonna need new volunteers, who'd better than is intelligent, well- informed and not to mention hot than you? Ben: Last thing I wanna think about it right now is another gay cause. Michael: It's not just another gay cause. When we got married you said it was just a beginning. And now it's look like it's the beginning of the end. Listen, I just as sad about it as you are. Everytime I hear that door open, or the phone ring - I think it's him. I just though we both feel better when we got involved to something. Ben: I didn't wanna be involved in something, ok!? I give a sh1t about proposition 14 or 15 or 16! All I care about is where is he. Is he alright. Am I ever going to see him again. So let's somebody else set in this goddamn commity. I've given enough! [Justin, Debbie, and Emmett handing out pamphlets against Prop. 14] Debbie: I can't believe he let you walk out. Didn't he try to stop you? Justin: I didn't expected, too. Emmett: Well, if either of you had ever bothered to read Jackie Collins would know, in the last chapter the hero finally realises that he has loved the heroine - in this case, that heroine would be you - all along and begs him to stay. Justin: That's why it's called fiction. Debbie: Fight propossion 14! Justin: There is a meeting tomorrow in the Center. Man#1: You people need Jesus in your life. Emmett: Yeah, and you would needed a good blowjob. That if you need someone that give you one and DON'T look at me! Debbie: That no good son of a bitch how could he do that to you!? After all these years. Justin: He didn't do anything. I wanted one thing - and he wanted another. And since neither of us could give the other what they need it we decided it's the best to move on. Emmett: So, where you gonna go? Debbie: You can always be back in Debbie's Warming House and sharing Emmett's room. Emmett: Perhaps Emmett would be consulted to that? Justin: Don't worry, I've already have things worked out. I've stay with Ben and Michael until I've got a place of my own. Debbie: A place of your own? At your age? Justin: Deb, I'm not a kid anymore. Emmett: Your never a kid. Debbie: I know, I've always be kid to me. Justin: Besides I've made it on my own. Emmett: Like Marry. Justin: I will always miss Brian and I always wish we were still together but this will be good for me. Right? Emmett: Right. Debbie: Yeah, right. Damn-right. [At Ron and Nancy's dinner party, their guests include a married couple and an attractive single man.] Ellen: Excuse me folks, I gotta go pee again. Damn prostate. Nancy: Al!en, please! Allen: Don't be embarred, honey, as long as I don't show my hemorrhoids. Nancy: What can I say, Al is Al. Man: I'm afraid I'm too young for this crowd, my prostate still working. But I'm be glad to show you my tennis arm, if you like. Lindsay: [Laughs] It's ok. So you work with me dad? Man: For now 5 years. He's a great guy. And you? You working in the city bloom galery? Lindsay: [surprised] Yes! That's right. Man: I don't have much time to go in the galeries. But I did to managed the Sam Allerbach show. You have anything to do that? Lindsay: Actually I put it together. Man: Really? You did a great job. And a miracle to the templates, but of course, I'm not an expert. Lindsay: You are an expert if you knew something you like. Nancy: You folks get bored from pictures from last year cruise. Why won't you two make an escape? We call you for desert. [At Babylon, Emmett finds Ted at the bar.] Emmett: Teddy. Ted: Oh, hi Em. Emmett: Quit all the greetings, I want details. How you told him. Have he died in shame? Or be catering the momorial service? Ted: Can you stop all the questions? Emmett: Oh my god(!) Ted: What? Emmett: It's just what I afraid of. I can see it in your eyes. Ted: What you talkin' about!? Emmett: You fall for him, haven't you? Admit it! It's true. Ted: Look, here's Brian. Brian, buddy, it's great to see you. Emmett: Brian, why are you here? Brian: Why am I here? That's a question that left for science and theologic can asking themselves a thousands of years. Best I came up with it - we're live in Pittsburgh. Where the hell else I could go? Ted: What we mean is we didn't expect to see you considering you and Justin broke up. Emmett: You must devastated. Ted: We're so sorry. Brian: Thanks for the simplicies. [to the bartender] Another. Look at all it's it - but I'm not devastated. We your not sorry, so please spare me the sentimence and the syntometallicy. [The boys turn to face the crowd and there is Brandon.] Ted: That's a relief. We though your dying for broken heart-ache. Emmett: Silly for us to thing you have one. Brian: I'm doin' just fine. Ted: Yeah, we can see. Brian: And I'm sure Justin is too. Emmett: He's doin' better than fine. He's picked himself up, dusted himself up and started it all over again. Brian: Glad to hear. You sure you give him my regards next time you see him. Ted: You tell yourself next time your over at Michael's and Ben's. Emmett: He's living with them. [Brian turns back to the bar and orders another drink.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Lindsay chatting it.] Man: So I said to him, "Why you cancel your playdate?" And he said, I swear, "Daddy, I can play with my friend." I said, "What friend?" And then when he showed me. [he looks at his dick.] Lindsay: [laughs] No! Man: Yes, that's how he called his pen1s - his friend. I can't believe it - he's 5. Lindsay: Thank god Gus didn't discovered his friend. Man: So I told my ex - she got all upsat about it, why didn't I go to a shrink? And because I though it was funny she said I should go to a shrink, too. And then it turned into a competition about where is the better parent... Lindsay: I know all about it, believe me. Man: Would you mind if I stop by in the galery some afternoon to hook you to lunch? Lindsay: That'll be great. Man: How about Thursday? Lindsay: That's fine. Oh, but just to be fair, there is something you should know. I'm a lesbian. Man: Oh(!) Lindsay: It's that a problem? Man: No, it's... it's not a problem. It's just not exactly what they told me with the invite for diner. Lindsay: What exactly did they tell you? Man: They just said that you just broken up... with a man. [At Babylon, Ted is at the bar still when Troy shows up.] Troy: Hey, hot guy. Ted: Hey, there you are. Troy: I brough some friends. I want them to meet you. Ted: Your friends are mine. [Emmett dances by.] Emmett: Aunt Pity f*ck, Aunt Pity f*ck. Troy: Who's that? Ted: Some FREAK! Man#1: Troy! Troy: Oh, hey. Man#1: Remember me? We had a date few months ago. Troy: Sure, right, right, right, right. So, how was I? Man#1: Hot. You said you'd call, but you lost my number, so I give it to you again. Promise not to loose it. Troy: Word of honor. [Troy takes it but rips it up as soon as the guy walks off.] Troy: f*cking loosers. They just don't get it, don't they? These guys I felt sorry for them. I can't help it. It's my nature, so I have s*x with them. Give them some remember for a long, great dick. But it's never enough. How pitful. f*cking pityful. Ted: Yeah, I know what you mean. I was one of them. Troy: What!? But your hot. Ted: Well, you didn't think back then. Pride 2002. Troy: I though something was familiar with you. Ted: Back then I was one of your pity f*cks. That fact you made painfully clear. And guess what - now your mine. I purposely set this up, I sought you out. I waited for the right moment. Guess this it. Troy: You kidding, right? Ted: Afraid not. Hey, look it this way - you always have something to remember me about. Troy: You dumping me!? Ted: It's a faggy fag world. Troy: f*ck you. You know, I liked you, a lot. I really do. [He leaves. From the catwalk, Emmett applauds Ted. But Ted turns back to the bar, not looking too happy with himself.] [Ben comes downstairs to the sound of someone banging on his door late at night.] Ben: OK, ok! [It's Brian, who is pissed and drunk.] Ben: Brian! Brian: Excellent, professor. You recognize the subject can identify by name. Ben: We're goin' to bed. Brian: That's right, I forgot, the stepford husband turn in bed early! Ben: Come in here, you're wake the whole neighbourhood. Brian: I want to see your wife. Where is the little woman? I mean little husband. Ben: If you refrerring from Michael... Brian: Who the f*ck else I referring!? Ben: He's alseep! Brian: Well then! WAKE HIM UP! MICHAEL!? Ben: Alright, you better go! Brian: I'm not goin' anywhere. Ben: Well I just said... Brian: MICHAEL! Ben: Get the ass out of my house! Michael: Ben, it's ok. I handle it - just go to bed. Ben: You sure? [Ben goes upstairs.] Brian: Well, Mikey, congratulations! Michael: For what!? Brian: You won. The spoiler goes to victory. Michael: I don't know what you're talking about! Brian: Of course you don't. No-one plays dewy-eyed innocent better than you. Although I thinks you are a little long in the tooth for short pants. Michael: Speaking of out growing one's act. Nothing is more pathetic, if this you're favourite words, than an over the hill club boy. Brian: You infected him. With your pity burgua, mediocer, conformice, simulationist life! That's to you he's got visions, babies, weddings, white picky fences dancing in his blond little head. Michael: And you think I put it in him? Brian: Before you and your husband are on the news he was perfectly happy! And now, he the infector, just as the rest of you. Michael: He was NEVER perfectly happy. Waiting for years to hear from you, "I love you. You're the only one. Brian: That's not who I am. Michael: Don't we all know! Brian: And now he's here in your house... Michael: It's a home. Brian: It's a farce! It's a freak show! Michael: Call it if you want, but it doesn't care. But he didn't leave because I infected him. He left because of you! Who wouldn't? [Brian turns and walks out of the house. Justin standing at the top of the staircase having over-heard the fight.] [Nancy comes up to say good-night to Lindsay.] Nancy: Knock, knock. I just want to say good night. Did you enjoyed dinner? Lindsay: Your meal was delicious. Nancy: All could not stop talking about how wonderful you are. Lindsay: That's nice. Nancy: Good night, darling. Sleep well. Lindsay: Mom? Why you invited him tonight? Nancy: He's your fathers associate. And I though you might have someone to talk to. Lindsay: That was very thoughful. Nancy: You seemed to be enjoying yourself. Lindsay: I liked him very much. Nancy: I'm really glad to hear it. Lindsay: But not in that way. I'm a lesbian, mother. You know that. Nancy: I though it was all over it. Lindsay: All over? Nancy: Your sister told me that you had been with a man. Lindsay: What a c**t! That happens once and was a mistake. Nancy: Why it was a mistake? Perhaps if you given it more time - you might find a mature relationship. Lindsay: I've had a mature relationship. Nancy: [sighs] With that person? Lindsay: Melanie, mother! Not THAT person! And yes, she was my partner for 10 years. And that's a hell longer than 3 marriages my loving sister had. We have two children together. Yeah, that's not mature. I can't believe I still have go through this with you. Nancy: I'm sorry, dear. But it's not just the same. It isn't. If I heard you had a relationship with a man I was hoping, that... Lindsay: What? That I'll be the daughter you always dreamed of? Well I'm not, mom. And I never will be. So if that's why you asking me to come to live here, I'm afraid to disappoint you - once again. [Pissed off Brian back at Babylon. He sees Brandon on the dancefloor getting a blowjob. Brian calls the bouncer over.] Bouncer: What's up, boss? Brian: See that? Bouncer: How can I miss it? Brian: You don't do anything about it? Bouncer: Kids hot, attractiv guys, sells drinks. Brian: f*ck the drinks, if he want his dick sucked he can take his ass in the backroom. Bouncer: I tell him. Brian: Wait. Tell him, he's barred permamently. Bouncer: Oh, c'mon Brian. Brian: Do it! Now! [Brian keeps downing drinks and watches as the Bouncer goes over and tells Brandon he's now barred from the club. Brandon's not pleased and Brian mockingly raises a glass to him in toast as the Bouncer leads him from the club. ] [Ben is lecturing his class.] Ben: In the recent Hollywood movie about the trojan war there was a small, but very significant alteration. In the legend by Homer in the ancient. Achilles' did'nt go to war because the Greeks killed Patroclos, his cousin. He went to battle because they killed Patrocols, his LOVER... Student#1: Excuse me professor, but what different does it make when they change some old legend like what else isn't change? Ben: Because that old legend was re-written to admit a very important truth that the homophobia which infects our culture didn't always exist. There were great and powerful cultures in which the emotional and sexual love between two men was accepted, even among warriors. Student#2: Yeah good for them, but what about us? Student#3: But we're talking about the Tojan War, but they want to take our rights away. Ben: I understand your concern but right now we are here to discuss gay imagery in mytology and history. Student#2: If Prop. 14 passes pretty soon we'll be history. [Justin and Jennifer checking out his new place.] Jennifer: What a dump! It isn't funny. Justin: You are fabulous, Betty Davis, or is Jennifer Taylor as good as Betty Davis? Jennifer: I'm not doin' fabulous to anybody. All I know is, this is a disgusting place and you not living here. Justin: I love it. Jennifer: Are you crazy? Justin: If I am, I have you and Debbie. Jennifer: It's tiny, it smells like something you never need died here, you have to share your bathroom down the hall with god knows who crack head!? Not to mention, you can't go out of the street after dark. Justin: On the other hand I can afford it, it's got great light and best of all, it's my own place. Jennifer: So quite a comedown from Brian's place. Justin: You weren't so thrilled when I moved in there. Jennifer: I know, I guess not. I just wish that you... I can't believe to hearing actually myself say this... Justin: What? Jennifer: But you and he could work things out. Justin: Yeah, me too. Jennifer: I mean, it's not that he lied to you or abused you or cheated you like your father did to me... Justin: No, of course not. He save my life , take care of me, gave me everything. It's just we want different things. Jennifer: And neither of you are willing to change. Justin: That's not love, that's sacrifice. [Lindsay at Mel's. She has put Gus down for the night in his old room.] Lindsay: He fell asleep with the second his head hit the pillow. Mel: He must be glad to be in his old room with some bang. Lindsay: I don't blame him. Mel: I'm try to catch up a new grill. Lindsay: If you wanna say it, go right ahead. Mel: Those words never escape my lips. Lindsay: Why not? You were right. It's funny no matter what you know up here [she points to her head] you hope against hope in here [she points to her heart]. That your parents at least will love you in one condition. Mel: We'll try to parents our kids. [Lindsay take her coat and want to leave] Mel: Where you goin'? Lindsay: To the hotel, I guess - place for tonight. Mel: Take your coat off. Lindsay: What? Mel: Take your coat off - your stayin' here tonight. Lindsay: I dunno if that's a good idea. Mel: Neither do I, but you must stayin' anyway. Lindsay: You sure? Mel: I make us tea and make some cheese and figure something out. [Brian, Ted and Emmett at Woody's.] Brian: Another beer. Emmett: And another Cosmo and a diet Pepsi on me. Brian: Big spender. What's the occasion? Emmett: We're celebrating. Teddy finally put that prick Troy in his proper place. Brian: Up the tight bubble? Emmett: Out on his ass! He is no longer a pity f*ck. Brian: Congratulations, Theodore, it's rare a man who get you get laid. [Brian goes away.] Emmett: Just start of curiousity - how great was he? Ted: Beyond great. Amazing. The best. Emmett: Do you still have his phone number? [Brian goes off to play pool when Brandon shows up.] Brandon: What the f*ck is your problem? Brian: Your hands on my stick. Brandon: Why you banned me from your club? Brian: Because I can. Getting sucked off at the dance floor was a very serious offense. Brandon: Except when it's you. Brian: Membership has it's previleges. Brandon: I think you threw me out because you afraid I'll get the hottest guy. Brian: I am the hottest guy. Brandon: You mean, was. Brian: Since when? Brandon: Since me. Even the mightest one day must fall. The king is abdicted... Brian: Oh Lord, please, spare us some cliches. Listen, twerp, you think you could be the best by showing up and annoncing that you are? You have to prove it first. Brandon: I though I already have. Brian: By picking off a couple of twinks before I got them? You will have to do better than that. Brandon: Then how about we pick? Say the ten hottest guy we can find. Brian: And who f*cks them all first wins. Brandon: You know the game. Brian: I also know the outcome. Brandon: I admire your confidence but they say every star burns bright you before they burns out. Brian: Uuuh, say you win? Brandon: I get into Babylon. And IF you win? Brian: I get into you. [Meeting in the Gay and Lesbian Center against Prop. 14.] Debbie: Michael! We save seats. Emmett: Hey honey, where's Ben? Michael: He had other things to do. Debbie: What other things are important to this? Tanis: Good evening, everyone and thank you for coming. Philip: I guess we all know why we're here to join in the state wide afford to defeat Prop.14! [All cheers] Tanis: That's the spirit we gonna need in order to win. Here to help us is one of the organizers of "Stop Prop.14" Congresswoman Beth Attlestein. [All cheers] Congresswoman: Thank all of you for coming tonight. As you know, our right as full and equal citizens of the United States are being threatened. Not by outside forces or terrorists - but by our own goverment, by religicious leaders to strip off of our humanity and claiming that god is on their side. And by other Americans acting out of hate and ignorance. We have got to stop them. But it's not gonna be easy. "Vote to save America" - can you believe that that's they calling theirselves? Has many supporters and well-funder. [A sign up sheet for volunteers is being passed around. Michael is signing it when Ben walks up behind him.] Ben: Can I sign up? Congresswoman: Your family and yourself to donate as much time and money as you can. Volunteer to serve on various commities, make calls, go to the neighbourhoods, sign up and fight as if your future depends on. Because it does. [Emmett, Ted, Justin and Debbie leaving the meeting.] Debbie: Whoever though it come to this? Fighting for our lifes. Emmett: Well, we'll always had to do. Ted: Now we just doin' harder. Justin: I'm up for it. Debbie: Me too, sunshine. [He kisses Debbie, Emmett, and Ted good-bye. Ted, Em, and Debbie leave and Justin walks off in the opposite direction. Michael and Ben come out of the meeting.] Michael: I'm glad your change your mind. How come? Ben: With the eyes strictly fix at the past he fails to see the future. So, by the present we'll destoy. Michael: I guess you tell me, if you didn't do anything and we lost you never forgive yourself. Ben: You got it. [They go off together. Brian is walking down the street when he seems Justin coming towards him.] Brian: Hey. How was the meeting? Justin: You should have been there. Brian: I'm not Rage, saving Gayopolis is my thing. You doin' ok? Justin: Yeah, I'm fine. And you? Brian: Likewise, thanks for asking. Justin: Well I guess, I better get go. Brian: Me too. Take care yourself. Justin: You too. Brian: See ya. Justin: See ya. [Justin walks off. Brian's facade falls then and he sadly watches Justin go away.] Music: You Are My Sunshine - Stine J
Plan: A: Proposition 14; Q: What threatens same sex couple's rights? A: Brian; Q: Who is dealing with the threat of Brandon's presence in his world? A: Justin; Q: Who moves out of Brian's loft? A: a rift; Q: What does Justin's decision to move out of Brian's loft create between Brian and Michael? A: Ted; Q: Who struggles to remember he's with Troy only in order to exact revenge? A: Lindsay; Q: Who decides to give her parents a chance and move back home with her son? A: Gus; Q: What is the name of Lindsay's son? Summary: Proposition 14 threatens same sex couple's rights while Brian deals with the threat of Brandon's presence in his world. Justin's decision to move out of Brian's loft creates a rift between Brian and Michael. Ted struggles to remember he's with Troy only in order to exact revenge. Lindsay decides to give her parents a chance and moves back home with her son, Gus.
Skyline: Radio waves emanante from the top of the Space Needle. ACT I [Scene 1 - KACL. Frasier is finishing a segment.] Frasier: We'll be right back with Julia Wilcox and our new stock market update after this. [He exits the air and removes his phones. Kenny enters.] Kenny: That's it? That's your big introduction for Julia? What happened to the copy I wrote for you? Frasier: [looking at the copy] Kenny, come on. "Julia" does not rhyme with "moolah." Kenny: [shrugging] We'll, they're spelled the same. Frasier: Oh, they are not, stop it. Isn't it enough that she's getting ten minutes of my show? Kenny: Hey, hey. We're lucky to have her. [Roz enters from her booth.] Don't be surprised if she ends up boosting your ratings a notch. Frasier: Yes, but at what cost? The woman's credibility is questionable. Kenny: She's credible. The woman was on CNBC. She had a syndicated column. You can't hold one mistake against her. Roz: What'd she do? Frasier: She wrote a book called Day Trade Your Way Out of Debt. Apparently, some people lost money. Kenny: I don't see you writing any books. Now listen, she's a little sensitive, so I don't want to hear anyone talking about the book, how it ruined her career, that guy who killed himself in Pennsylva... hey, hey, hey! There she is! Our financial wizard. [Julia has entered at the obvious moment. She is tall, blonde, slim, smartly dressed, and has an immediately apparent air of haughtiness and superiority.] Kenny: This is Dr. Frasier Crane. Julia: Hello. [shakes Frasier's hand] Kenny: His producer, Roz Doyle. Roz: Hi. Julia: Nice to meet you. So this is my mike? Frasier: [with Roz] Yes. Roz: [breaking the ice] You know, I studied finance in college. Julia: Hey, that's great. Can you get me some coffee, Rizzo? [Frasier and Roz are both taken aback by this.] Roz: It's Roz. Julia: Super. Two creams. Thanks. [Kenny gestures to Roz to comply.] Kenny: So, um, do your intro, we'll do a promo, and then back to you. Got it? Intro, promo, you. Julia: [with biting sarcasm] So, you don't want me to do the intro last? Kenny: Uh, no, because you see, "Intro" is short for... [realizing] Oh, oh, oh, I get it! [Kenny makes a playful teasing gesture to Julia. She plays along, but with obvious disdain for him.] Kenny: Very good! You got one past me. Enjoy it. It's not going to happen again. [He exits.] Julia: And these would be my phones. Frasier: Yes, yes. I must say that I enjoyed your work on CNBC. I thought that you were an insightful analyst, and I don't believe that you were treated fairly. Julia: [insincerely] Thanks. That makes everything all better. Roz: [entering with the coffee] Ten seconds. Julia: [taking the coffee] Thanks. [drinking and coughing] Mmm. You call this coffee? Roz: [smiling] Most of it. Frasier: [laughing uncomfortably] That Roz... Let me put that over there. [He distances the "coffee" from Julia, and puts on his phones.] Hello, Seattle. Welcome back! If you've tuned in for mental health advice with an erudite twist, well then, my show will be back up at the top of the hour. [During the course of the following speech, Julia is leaning toward the microphone, impatiently trying to find a spot to break in.] And now, for something new, yet germane, as finances can be the cause of that old bugaboo, stress, here now... Julia: [cutting in abruptly] Good afternoon, I'm Julia Wilcox. Today's market swerved like a nervous student driver before finally winding up in a nice, safe neutral. We'll discuss. Plus, are pharmaceutical stocks still worth prescribing? Now this. [She cuts to the promo. Frasier has looked around incredulously during the course of her speech.] Frasier: Excuse me. Uh, I was supposed to introduce you. Julia: You were cutting into my time. Frasier: Well, I was giving you an hospitable segue. You see, I thought that since you're new here, I could lend you my equity, if you will. It was just a courtesy... Julia: [breaking in again as the promo ends] Some days on the market, it's black Friday, but today, with the NASDAQ slightly down, and the Dow slightly up, it was more like "plaid Monday." Analysts spoke out on both sides... [In the course of the preceding, Frasier has risen and exited into the hall.] Frasier: [to himself, indignantly] Next time, I'll get the coffee. [He stares into the studio from the hall. Fade out.] [Scene 2 - Café Nervosa Roz is seated with a book. Kenny enters.] Kenny: Hey, Roz. What 'ya reading? Roz: Julia's book. Listen to this. "Chapter 4: How to Sell Your House and Start a Dot.com." [Frasier enters.] Frasier: Hey guys. Oh, Roz, I can't believe you shelled out three dollars to revel in someone else's misfortune. Roz: I was curious. Frasier: Well, you can get the same thing on tape for a buck-fifty. [taking a seat] Get this: it's read by Martha Stewart! How's that for your double whammy? [They all laugh.] Roz: We should just get rid of her. I mean, if she were nice, it'd be one thing, but she's just rude and arrogant. Kenny: Whoa, whoa, nobody's getting rid of anybody. She just filed suit against CNBC for wrongful termination. Legal wants us to treat her with kid gloves. Frasier: Hmm. Truth be told, I actually feel sorry for her. She has suffered a very public fall. She must be carrying all kinds of guilt about the people who lost their savings following her advice. You know, perhaps I should have a talk with her. Roz: I wondered how long it would take. Frasier: What? Roz: For you to make your move. Kenny: Hey, I thought there were some sparks between you two. Frasier: What are you talking about? Roz: Don't play innocent. She is right up your alley. Smart, tough, total bitch. You can't wait to break through that wall and rescue her. Frasier: Oh, Roz, you couldn't be more off the mark. Roz: Typical man. You always want to get in there and rescue us, but the minute things get messy, you just can't handle it. Kenny: Ha! Women want us to think that they're tough, and then all of a sudden, they get needy. Roz: Men are like, "Come on baby, you can lean on me, oops, gotta go." Kenny: Yeah, women are like "Get away, get away. Don't leave me!" Roz: [becoming caught in the heat of the exchange] Here's men: [she groans disgustingly] Kenny: Here's women: Me, me, me, me, me... [He continues the "helpless" squeal, overlapping with Roz's groaning.] Frasier: All right, stop it, both of you! [Niles enters.] Niles: Hello, all. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: How's it going? Frasier: Oh, we're just discussing a new, rather unpleasant colleague of ours. Be thankful you're self-employed. You don't have to deal with these headaches. Niles: Oh, not so. I was hoping to come here and complain about my office remodel. I'm annexing the dermatologist's office next door, and in a cheap irony, my skin is breaking out. Frasier: Your spackle allergy again? Niles: I'm covered with tiny bumps. It's worse than the summer we added the breakfast nook to the tree house. Frasier: Hmmm. Niles: [to an approaching waiter] Could I have my usual, please? Thank you. [Julia has now entered and approaches the counter.] Roz: There she is! Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over. [Julia sits at a distant table.] Oh... look who's too good for us! Frasier: You know what? I think I will go and offer her an olive branch. [Roz and Kenny again begin the "low groan" and "helpless squeal."] Frasier: Oh, stop it. Knock it off. [Frasier approaches Julia and sits at her table.] Frasier: Hello, Julia. Julia: Hello. Frasier: Listen, I, uh... I'm sorry the two of us got off to a bit of a frosty start, but, uh, I think that in time we will have a very long and rewarding relationship. Julia: [dismissively] Okay. [She returns to what she was doing, intending to send Frasier a "signal."] Frasier: May I tell you a story? [Julia sighs, but feigns interest.] Frasier: Years ago, I lived in Boston. I was in private practice then and my life was very good. And then my wife left me. I ended up on a ledge, threatening to-to throw myself off if she didn't return to me. [The waiter brings Julia's coffee. She is only half listening to Frasier.] Julia: Thank you. Frasier: Well, this got on the news, of course, and needless to say, after that, patients were a little hard to come by. So... I just wanted you to know that I too have suffered a very public setback. Julia: [sarcastically] Oh, I get it. You're letting me know I'm not alone. Frasier: Exactly. Julia: [disdainfully] And now we can be friends. Frasier: [smiling, not picking up her signals] Well, if that's how you feel. Julia: Let's see, how do I feel? Well, it's sort of like on your show when you call people at home to give them advice. Frasier: [not recognizing the sarcasm] Well, actually, I don't call them, they call me. Julia: [bitingly] Exactly! [She grins evilly at him and goes back to her coffee.] Frasier: [rising, attempting to preserve some dignity] Well. Good day, then. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene 3 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne and Martin are seated at the dinner table over breakfast.] Martin: Why would you let Niles bring all his patients to your home? Daphne: It's only a couple more weeks until his office is finished. Martin: Well, I sure wouldn't want to have all those crazies over. I mean, what if one of them starts screaming obscenities or running through the house naked. Daphne: Mum already did that when England lost in the World Cup. [Frasier and Niles enter and hang up their coats.] Niles: Hello all. Martin: Hey. Daphne: Hello. How was the Wine Expo? Frasier: Horrible! Niles: Frasier ran into a fan. Martin: Ow, that smarts! Frasier: Yes, Dad. You have been using that same old joke for the last ten years. So, anyway, I ran into this fan... Martin: Ouch! Are you okay? [Frasier glares at him. He pours some wine glasses.] Frasier: So this woman complimented me on my so-called chemistry with that harpy Julia. Have you ever heard anything more preposterous? Good Lord! The woman sneezed once, and I said "Bless you." That has been the extent of our byplay. Daphne: You've been complaining about her so much lately. I'm beginning to wonder if there's not something deeper there. Frasier: I will not even dignify that with a response. [pausing, handing Niles a wine glass] Except to say that you couldn't be more wrong. Niles: I don't know, Frasier, she's certainly attractive. And she's intelligent, ambitious, tenacious... Daphne: Sounds like your perfect woman. Frasier: She is a cold, insufferable know-it-all! Daphne: And the list goes on and on. Frasier: [sitting] All right, that's it. No more talking about Julia. Daphne: [teasing, approaching Frasier] Ooh, so it's "Julia" now! [Niles and Martin respond with similar "Ooh's.] Frasier: It has always been "Julia." That is her name. Niles: She does seem to have you disproportionately upset. You haven't been so consumed with one subject since Frasier Crane Day. Frasier: Listen, my outrage is completely merited. That woman is deliberately trying to undermine my show from within. I'm sorry to disappoint all of you, but I have absolutely no feelings for that woman except contempt. Martin: There he goes again. You know what they say about people who protest too much? Frasier: I know what you used to say: "They should all be tear-gassed!" [Frasier exits angrily toward his room. Martin frowns philosophically.] Martin: I still think that, you know. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene 4 - A conference room at KACL. Julia is seated at a table. Frasier enters.] Frasier: Ah, here you are. Listen... it's time the two of us had it out. Ever since you arrived here, you have been nothing but condescending and dismissive. Julia: Whatever. Frasier: There, you did it again. Julia: You know what this is really about. It's about you losing fifteen minutes from your precious show. Frasier: What are you talking about? It's ten minutes. Julia: Sorry, starting Monday I do the last fifteen minutes of your show with a half-hour recap on Fridays. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have places to be. [She begins to put away her papers.] Frasier: No, I will not excuse you. I am reaching out to you here. Julia: Yeah, will you cut that out? It's like you're trying to make me your special project. Why don't you just adopt a cat or something? Frasier: [seething] As your colleague, I do not deserve to be treated this way. Julia: Oh, no. We are hardly "colleagues." I deliver the news and you're a... Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard degree. [She rises.] Frasier: [rising, horrified and deeply offended] I will not be belittled by a half-educated, money-grubbing parvenu! Julia: As opposed to some foreign-speaking windbag? Frasier: That makes you an insecure fraud! Julia: You are a pompous blowhard! [At this point, Kenny is visible looking inside the window of the door.] Frasier: Harridan! Julia: Know-it-all! Frasier: Shrew! Julia: Snob! Frasier: [lightly grabbing her arms] Are you as turned on as I am? Julia: [visibly shocked] What?! Oh!! [throwing off his hands] Did you just come on to me? Frasier: What? No... No... I thought... I thought that you... [He is deeply embarrassed and at a loss for words.] Julia: Oh! How could you think I was turned on? What, are you sick? [Kenny rushes in the room.] Kenny: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Let's all calm down here. [To Frasier] Are you crazy? Frasier: I apologized! I... I... Julia: [leaving the room, utterly disgusted] Blech!! [Kenny stares at Frasier and gestures as if to say "Now, what?" Fade out.] [NB: This exchange pays a tongue-in-cheek homage to two very famous events in Frasier/Cheers lore. When Sam and Diane first came together on "Cheers," they were engaged in a heated argument with explosive passions. Sam asked the same question as Frasier, and Diane responded with "More!" Their first intensely passionate kiss followed. "Sleeping With the Enemy" [3.06], where a very similar argument at the station between Frasier and Kate Costas ended with a very different outcome.] END OF ACT I ACT II [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene 5 - KACL hallway. Frasier approaches a group including Noel and Gil.] Frasier: Hi, guys! [All except Noel turn up their chins and walk away.] Noel: Oh, hi, Dr. Crane...! [He is interrupted by Gil, who grabs him. Noel joins the snubbing and walks away, leaving Frasier with Kenny.] Frasier: They hate me, don't they? Kenny: Can you blame them? Because of you, they have to come in here for this sexual harassment seminar. Frasier: [sighing] I know. I have apologized till I'm blue in the face. Kenny: I know. But Legal wants us covered in case Julia tries to come after us. Maybe you've heard: she loves suing people's asses off. I'm going to miss saying "asses." After today, I guess it's back to "patootie." Thanks a lot, Doc. [They enter a seminar room, where the group leader is seated at a table covered with brochures.] Van: Hi, welcome. Please take a workbook. [Frasier does so, sighing wearily. Others now enter. Frasier sits next to Roz.] Roz: Hey, Frasier! Thanks for ruining my weekend. Frasier: Oh, Roz... come on, you know it was just a mistake. What do you think I am, some kind of disgusting Lothario? Bulldog: [entering on cue] Hey, there's my man! Van: Welcome. Please take a workbook. Bulldog: [pulling one from his pocket] Got an old one. [approaching Frasier] Hey! I know you're down. Don't sweat it. Rookie mistake. By the way, the chick at the coffee table's got her high beams on. [He barks.] [Julia enters, grabs the workbook, and pauses to glare at Frasier. She takes a seat next to Bulldog, who ogles her with a grin. Julia glares back at him. Kenny goes to the front of the group.] Kenny: Okay, people let's get this started. Uh, first of all, I apologize for bringing everyone in here today, but uh, to make it up to you, everybody attending today will get a free mouse pad. How's that? Roz: It sucks! Kenny: All right, who said that? Roz: I did! Kenny: Fair enough. Now, I don't want to blame anyone... [At this point, Bulldog sneezes out a name while covering his mouth. The captions say that he sneezes "Julia," but I am quite sure that it is actually "Frasier" that Bulldog says and means. Julia again glares at him.] Kenny: ...but Legal says that we have to do this, so here's Van Andrews from Harassment Solutions. [Van, a balding, Noel-like individual, takes his place before the group.] Van: Okay, guys. I'm Van. I'll be your facilitator, and if you could just open up your workbooks, we'll get started on building a truly gender-neutral workplace, okay? Now, who wants to meet my puppets? [He pulls out two hand dolls dressed in "workplace attire," male and female. Everyone groans. Gil stares angrily at Frasier. He makes a poorly-formed fist and hits his other hand with it. Frasier is not sure how to react. Fade out.] THERE'S A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE [Scene 6 - Niles's apartment. He is in a therapy session with Steve, a patient.] Steve: Wow, this is great! I like coming over to your house. It's really nice. Niles: Thanks. Steve: So, maybe you could come over to my house next week, since we're doing stuff at each other's houses now. Niles: Uh, thanks for the offer, Steve, but this isn't a social call. We're having our regular session. I really want this to feel just like the office. Steve: Okay, uh, well, I've been having my dream again... [He is interrupted by a knock.] Niles: Yes? [A plumber enters.] Plumber: Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Crane, but I've got to run these toilet fixtures past you. Your wife said you'd definitely want to be consulted about that. Steve: I never pictured you having a bathroom! Niles: [becoming visibly uncomfortable] Uh, it isn't a good time. [Daphne enters.] Daphne: I'm sorry, I didn't realize your session had begun. [to the plumber] Why don't you just start in the living room? Plumber: Okay, but just so you know, the heated seat you want's on back order [he exits]. Daphne: Again, I'm sorry, Niles, but while I have you here, do you want anything from the shops? Niles: No, I'm good. Daphne: Okay, then, I'm off. [She smiles at Steve.] Happy therapy! [As she exits, she looks at Steve suspiciously.] Niles: [clearing his throat] So, back to your dream... Steve: Your wife seems nice. She's foreign. That's weird. But then I guess it shouldn't be. I mean it only makes sense that you have a wife, and a bathroom, and you probably have a bed and laundry and that thing I can't talk about. Niles: Refrigerator. Steve: Right. Niles: Okay, well, we're not really here to learn about my life, we're here to talk about you, so back to your dream. Steve: Okay, um, well, I'm in this forest... [The telephone rings.] Steve: Do you want to get that, or...? Niles: No, nope it's okay, the machine will get it. Now remember, as we discussed, the forest could be a symbol of uncharted territory. It could be... [The machine now answers the phone. The answering message plays. In it, Niles and Daphne, to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, sing: "Nobody's home. Nobody's home. Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home. Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home. We'll call you back if you leave your number after you hear the..." The recording beep then sounds. Niles, giving up, cues the beep with his hand. Steve is delighted with the message.] Niles: [smiling uncomfortably] So, um, next week at your place! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene 7 - KACL conference room. The seminar is well underway. Bulldog and Roz are seated facing each other at the front.] Van: Okay, Bulldog, in this exercise we're going to pretend that you have an attraction to Roz. Is that okay? Bulldog: [playing along] Well, Van, I feel a little uncomfortable about violating her personal space, even for role playing, but... okay. [He winks at Frasier, who reacts knowingly.] Van: Okay, Roz. Roz: [with a deep voice, making a gesture] Bring it on! Van: Okay, go! Bulldog: Good morning, Roz. You're looking professional today. Roz: Thank you, Bulldog, you're looking professional today also. Bulldog: Thank you. After work, would you care to join me for a coffee or non-stimulating beverage? Please note that you retain the option to say no. Van: Excellent, Bulldog. Roz? Roz: Thank you, Bulldog, for your offer, but I'm uncomfortable with it, as I would prefer to cut my own arm off and eat it. Noel: [rising] Can I have a turn with her? Bulldog: Nope, sorry buddy. Noel: She's not your property. It's up to Van! I want a turn! Bulldog: Sit down, Noel. [Noel approaches him.] Oh, what are you going to do, huh? What are you going to do? [Noel confronts Bulldog as menacingly as he can.] Van: Guys, guys, let's keep our dialogue constructive, okay. I think we're done here. Bulldog: Oh, great. Van: Why don't you go ahead and... have a seat. [Bulldog, Noel, and Roz return to their seats. Gil raises his hand.] Gil: Um, I'd like to say something. Van: Okay, go ahead, Gil. [Gil rises and moves to the front. He speaks after a dramatic pause.] Gil: From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are... [a man and woman look at each other; it is clear that no person of either gender really knows whether or not Gil has mentally undressed them] ...all I can say - and it's a poor defense - is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my times. Van: Thank you, Gil. Gil: But know this: Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies. [Frasier and Roz exchange a look.] Van: Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called "women" now. Gil: Huh. Do they ever! [Gil returns to his seat. Frasier stares at him incredulously. His patience has run out.] Frasier: How much longer do we have to sit for this nonsense? Van: Well, Frasier, since you're the one who brought us here today, maybe you'd like to take a turn in the warm seat, hmm? [Frasier reluctantly rises.] Van: Julia, would you be comfortable in helping Frasier learn how he could have related to you in a more office-appropriate manner? [Julia is staring down, paying no attention.] Uh, Julia? Noel: [rising] She's playing solitaire on her palm pilot, Van. Julia: Oh, all right. [She stares at Noel and takes a seat opposite Frasier.] Van: Okay, in this "no-fault" rewind, let's find out how Frasier assaulted you. Frasier: I did not assault her. I simply expressed unhappiness that she was taking fifteen minutes from my show. She responded by belittling my profession. Julia: [deadpan] And then he called me a couple of names and asked if I was turned on. Van: Okay, gang, where did Frasier go wrong? [Everybody eagerly raises their hands, murmuring and snapping fingers.] Van: Uh, Bulldog? Bulldog: People stopped saying "turned on" twenty years ago. [N.B.: Another inside reference to the "Cheers" exchange, which really did take place about twenty years ago.] Frasier: [after everybody again eagerly raises their hands] No, look, look! I just misread her... her signals. I thought that her hostility was displaced attraction. Julia: No, it was just hostility. Frasier: Well, of course it was, that's all there is to you. Ever since you arrived at this station we have reached out to you in friendship and all we've gotten in return is arrogance and unbridled rudeness. Julia: It's not rudeness, it's indifference. I'm sorry I'm not joining your bowling team, but this is just a pit stop for me. I do not intend on spending the rest of my life at a station that cuts out whenever the janitor vacuums! [Roz is clearly somewhat hurt by this comment, as is everyone else.] Julia: No offense! Kenny: [smiling stupidly] None taken. Julia: And I don't even know why we're here. I'm not going to sue your stupid station, I mean, how pathetic would that look? Frasier: [rising angrily] How dare you? At KACL, we are a family. Every person in this room respects one another... Kenny: No, no, no, hold on a second, Doc, I'll handle this. [to Julia] You mentioned something about not suing us. Would you put that in writing? Julia: If it gets us out of here. Kenny: Sure, that should satisfy Legal. [Everybody exits, happily murmuring.] Van: Okay, wait, wait. This course isn't about Legal! Okay, it's about making respecting each other's personhood fun. Roz: Up yours! Van: Who said that? Roz: I did! [Van follows everyone else out of the room, leaving Frasier and Julia alone.] Frasier: You know, you can act as tough as you want, but I see through you. Julia: Really? Frasier: You're not in the big leagues anymore. Blame it on the market. Blame it on bad luck. But somewhere in the back of your head is that nagging voice that keeps saying maybe you weren't good enough. [Julia's look expresses that Frasier's words are true.] Frasier: And now that you're here, you won't form relationships, you keep everybody at arm's length, anything to convince yourself that this is just a stop along the way. And above it all, I think you're terrified that you're going to fail here too. Then what do I know? I'm just a Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard... and Oxford degree. [Julia is clearly sobered by his obviously accurate assessment. Fade out.] [Scene 8 - KACL studio. Frasier is finishing his show.] Frasier: It's forty-five past the hour, which means it's time once again for the woman who... [Julia clears her throat] ...is known as Julia Wilcox. Julia: Thank you, Frasier. Another up day for the markets, but first these words from Patriot Credit Consolidators. [Roz enters with copy for Julia.] Julia: How many times do I have to tell you, you need to get a comfortable chair in here? My leg keeps falling asleep while I'm on the air. Roz: Who doesn't? [She heads back to her booth.] Julia: [making peace] Frasier... perhaps if you're at Nervosa later, I could join you for a cup of coffee or a non-stimulating beverage? [nervously] Please note that you retain the option to say no. Frasier: I appreciate that, and in time I believe that we will be able to establish a collegial relationship. However, I think we should both acknowledge the feelings of hostility that remain between us... Julia: [her old self] Oh, just say no. Honestly, do you ever shut up? Frasier: Now, see here, I... [Julia begins her report again, but smiles and waves at Frasier as she does so, who smiles back as he exits. There is an understanding between them, and everything will be all right.] Julia: The rich got richer today on Wall Street. Not news ordinarily, but after their recent slide, today's rally in large cap does take on a certain "man bites dog" quality. Speaking of dogs... [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT II Credits Roz brings two cups of coffee to Julia. She takes one and heads to her booth. She pauses to pick up the phone, and sets the cup down again. Julia switches the cups while she is not looking. Roz turns and nearly catches her. Kenny looks into the studio, and Julia turns away, whereupon Roz again switches the cups. Julia looks back suspiciously at Roz, and suggests that they again switch cups, which they do. Neither of them now knows which up is which, so Roz takes them both and dumps them out.
Plan: A: a new financial analyst; Q: What has KACL hired? A: CNBC; Q: What company did Julia Wilcox work for before joining KACL? A: ( Felicity Huffman; Q: Who is Julia Wilcox? A: stock market updates; Q: What does Julia Wilcox give in the final ten minutes of Frasier's show? A: Kenny; Q: Who is anxious that everyone should treat Julia Wilcox well? A: her previous employer; Q: Who did Julia Wilcox sue for wrongful dismissal? A: all his attempts; Q: How many times does Frasier try to be friendly with Julia? A: attraction; Q: What does Frasier mistake Julia's hostility for? A: Niles; Q: Who is having trouble with therapy sessions at his home? A: the problems; Q: What is Niles facing with holding therapy sessions at his home? Summary: KACL has hired a new financial analyst and former CNBC employee, Julia Wilcox ( Felicity Huffman ), to give stock market updates in the final ten minutes of Frasier's show. Kenny is anxious that everyone should treat her well, as she sued her previous employer for wrongful dismissal , but Frasier finds her dismissive and condescending despite all his attempts to be friendly. His family and colleagues at work (and even some of his listeners) suspect some chemistry between Frasier and Julia, which he initially denies. Then, during a heated argument, he mistakes her hostility for attraction, and this causes nothing but trouble. Meanwhile, Niles is facing the problems of holding therapy sessions at his home.
Michael: All right, everybody. This is your last meal, so eat up. [cheering] Dwight: From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This summer, corporate is sponsoring a little weight loss contest between the branches. Whichever branch loses the most weight gets three extra vacation days. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: What should we do with all these leftovers? Stanley: I'm taking the dumplings for my wife. Dwight: No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers. Creed: I can bring these to my shelter. Stanley: I'm taking my dumplings. Dwight: [sprays food with bug poison] There. Take those home to your wife. Michael: Dwight, Dwight! Dwight: Michael, it's time. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hit the scales, everybody. Right on that black platform. This way. Step it up. Darryl: Don't go breaking my scale. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I'm excited to lose weight for the wedding, because I really want to have washboard abs the first time Angela sees me naked. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: Ex-squeeze me. Michael: No, I will ex-squeeze you. Michael: OK everybody. Get used to this because we are going to be standing here briefly every Monday for the next seven Mondays. Dwight: Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow. Jim: [smiles, looks to Michael][/b] Really, nothing? Darryl: 2,336 pounds. Y'all need to learn some portion control. Dwight: Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale. Michael: Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only. Dwight: Family only. Darryl: All right, got it. 2,210 pounds. Kevin: Pam, you weigh 226 pounds? Holly: Almost, Kevin. Pam: Not almost, though, Holly. I mean, not -- not close to 200... Holly: Math is hard. Kevin: Yeah. Pam: Just, we'll just keep going. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I'm totally gonna slaughter at the weigh-in today. Oscar: All I had this weekend to eat was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke. Andy: Really? 'Cause I haven't eaten anything since noon on Friday. Oscar: OK. [holds elevator] Stanley, come on. Stanley: Oh, I forgot something in my car. I'll see you guys up there. [takes the stairs after the elevator doors close] [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. [holds up old photo] Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: And arch your back. And slowly bring up your head. [Michael and Holly face each other in yoga pose] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Jimbo. Jim: Ah, they moved the shower. Michael: Did you see Holly's butt? Jim: No, I didn't. [Michael laughs] You know why? Michael: Why? Jim: Because most of the time, friends don't talk about other friends' butts. Michael: I know. Jim: But what have you learned about her? Michael: I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she's allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read "Lonesome Dove" three times. Jim: Nice. Michael: And that her butt refuses to quit! Jim: Well, I tried. [Michael laughs] Michael: [follows Jim into bathroom] You have to agree with me. [follows Jim back out] That's insane. Jim: I'll just go later. Michael: I thought you had to pee. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [forces candy out of vending machine and forces fruit into racks] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Hey, if you're into yoga, I take a great bikram class in Dickson City. Holly: Oh, thanks. I should check that out. Oscar: Also -- and no pressure -- the teacher? He's a catch. Holly: Actually, I'm a lesbian. Oscar: I'm gay! Holly: I'm not a lesbian. I don't know why I said that... It's a joke. Oscar: What's the joke? Holly: There is no joke. I just said it because I haven't had much luck lately and I'm not really looking to date. Maybe I should switch to women. Oscar: Oh, you think it's a choice? Holly: Um, I'm gonna head back to my work area and just-- Oscar: I'm messing with you, Holly. Holly: I knew that. OK, bye. Oscar: OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So you have the directions. Pam: Yes. Jim: You have a toothbrush. Pam: Yes. Jim: You have a cell phone charger. Pam: I have everything. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Tomorrow I start a three-month design program at the Pratt Institute in New York. I will be a little fish in the big apple. [does hand gesture] What up, 212? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Fax this for me. Jim: Come on, man. She goes to New York in like 10 minutes. Dwight: It's not gonna take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim. [to Pam] If I don't see you again, goodbye. Well, actually, I'll see you when you give me the fax confirmation, so never mind. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Ang. Ela. [sings] Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay-- Angela: What? Andy: Hey, check it out. [hands her brochure] This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Every little boy fantasizes about his fairy-tale wedding. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: No. No. Andy: This is where my parents decided not to get divorced. Angela: I don't care. Andy: OK. How do you feel about Maine? [Angela picks up phone and dials] I'm on it. I'll see you later, love. [Dwight's pager vibrates, he and Angela walk out] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [exiting warehouse storage room] Ahh. We done good in there, half pint. Angela: Well, that was the last time, Dwight. I mean it. Dwight: Monkey. [kisses her] Angela: No, no. I have a fiance I very much like! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [sees Pam and Jim through office window, runs out the office] Hey, hey! [falls down stairs, gets up, falls down again] Pam, Pam! Hey! Jim: What happened? Michael: [frazzled and out of breath] I wrote you a goodbye poem. It's really long. I left it up in my office. Could you just please wait till I go get it? Pam: I should really get going. Michael: No. OK. Um, the last word is "seagulls." Pam: I'm sure it was really lovely. Michael: I took a lot from other poems. Jim: Call me when you get in. [kisses Pam] Pam: OK, bye. Jim: Bye. Michael: All right, call-- [leans in to kiss Pam] Pam: No, Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um -- well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, no, no, no, no, no, no. Same places as last week. Angela: It doesn't matter, Michael. Michael: Yes, it does. No, this is about weight displacement. We have to have the same weight distribution. Right here. Here we go. Let's move that up. Here we go. Holly: Oh, fancy meeting you here. Michael: All right. Darryl: OK, everybody smile. Ho! You lost 31 pounds. Michael: All right! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I can't believe I'm saying this, but Michael is actually killing it with Holly. And I think I know why. It's because Holly is kind of a major dork. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [rapping] I'm MC Mike Scott, and I am hot. She's DJ Jazzy Flax, and she is the best. All those sucker branches can suck our fat! Holly: Wikka wikka wikka what? [SCENE_BREAK] Ronnie: Dunder Mifflin, this is Ronnie. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I don't really know Ronnie. But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well over the next few years, and eventually declare my love for her. [SCENE_BREAK] Professor: Sorry I'm late. I accidentally switched my alarm clock setting to Zapf Chancery. [laughter] Which is my terrible segue into our course, Expressive Typography in New Media. Pam: I'm in the wrong class... Professor: Some of you may remember from last semester I am Professor Monaghan. [sees Pam leaving] And looks like I'm boring someone already. Pam: Oh, no. I just-- Professor: Please sit down. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: You're shaking. Are you all right? Kelly: Just leave me alone! [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [sickly] I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size 2. So ... gonna look amazing. [SCENE_BREAK] Ronnie: Hi, can I help you? Jan: I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow. Kevin: Hi Jan. Jan: Hi. Kevin: How's the candle game? Jan: Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil? Kevin: Cool. Thank God they found her, too. Jan: Oh, they found her? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hi, Jan. Hello, baby. How are you? Good to see you. Who's your daddy? You don't know who your daddy is, do you? No, you don't. [to Jan] Come on. Let's go in. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: Hey, Oscar. Who's that woman in Michael's office with the feet? Jan: That's his ex. Holly: Oh, she's very beautiful. Oscar: Yes, she is. And clinically insane. Holly: So, listen, I don't know if your offer still stands or whatever, but you can give your yoga teacher my number. Oscar: OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Listen, dummy! It's not that hard. All you have to do is take the numbers from the sales report and type them into a master spreadsheet. A G.D. monkey could do it. I do not understand why you can't do it. Holly: No! You do not talk to him like that! Angela: But he's an idiot! Kevin: Hey! Holly: He is not an idiot! Kevin: Thank you, Holly. Holly: He is mentally challenged. But he's doing a super job here. Kevin: Wait, back up. Do you think that I am retarded? Holly: Well, no. Dwight... Angela: Oh, Holly, that is very offensive. Holly: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey. So, since my little lady has such particular, impossible to perceive taste, I have made nonrefundable deposits at four totally different wedding locales: Hot-air balloons over Napa Valley, world-famous Walt Disney's Epcot Center, scuba-diving wedding in the Bahamas and the Wilkes-Barre Marriott Ballroom C. Angela: Dangerous. Tacky. Sharks. Haunted. No. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [walking into storage room] Hurry, we have to make this fast. Dwight: Let's do this thing. Angela: [Dwight slaps her butt] Hey! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book, and it's lights out by 8:30. That's how I sleep at night! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: All right, I am connecting and ... you are not there. Did you install it right? How about this: Go to applications-- Pam: [on computer screen] I can see you! Jim: All right! Pam: This is so cool. Jim: So what is going on, girl in the computer? Pam: Lunch with a girl from my hall. Jim: Uh-huh. Pam: Ceramics class. Then dinner by myself. I'm gonna watch HGTV and maybe go to Bungalow 8 with John Mayer. Dwight: OK, can you turn the girl off please? I'm trying to get some work done. Michael: No way. No way. Pam Beesley. Hello. [picks up computer] Hey, everybody look, Pam. Pam, say hi. Say hi to Pam. Don't we all look skinny? Oh, oh, almost dropped you! Pam: Can you put me down I'm getting a little nauseous? Michael: Pam, I'd like you to meet Ronnie. We call her Rice-a-Ronnie. She is hilarious. She is wonderful, a beam of light in this dark, dark office. Not really so much. All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day. Pam: The nerve. Michael: Oh, calm down, weirdo. It's just a joke. She's such a weirdo! You know what? My real beef with her, though, Pam? She can't find those little colored paper clips that I like so much. Will you help her find them, please? Pam: They're on the supply shelf. Michael: Let's go. We are following Pam to the supply shelf. Let us go. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: New York is so exciting. I love my classes. The city's awesome. Um, can you give me back to Jim now, please? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, everybody, let's suck in our guts. Darryl: 2,184 pounds, for a grand total -- oh! You all gained five pounds back. Michael: Damn it. Come on. Oscar: [Kelly faints] Oh! Kevin: Oh, my God! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Come on, Bernard. [Andy spits on floor as warehouse worker walks past] Michael: Here we go. Everybody on. Dwight: All right, we're set. Darryl: Still good. You guys lost a pound. You lost one pound. Kelly: I was on an IV for two days at the hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I lost four pounds. I don't know what those other fools were doing, but I lost four pounds. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Angela, you'll go to the supermarket and get the New York cheesecake. Make sure it's the generic one. It's Stanley's favorite. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Yes, I've replaced Angela as head of the party planning committee. [footage of Dwight and Angela making out] I guess I was just in the right place at the right time. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How's it going? Phyllis: It's going well. Michael: Good. Holly: I have a crazy idea. What if we did, um, fruit instead of cake? Michael: Cake? Who suggested cake? [Angela points to Phyllis] Phyllis: We lost weight today. I think it's OK to reward ourselves once in a while. Michael: Are you kidding me? We only lost one pound, Phyllis. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went -- I once went 28 years without having s*x. And then again for seven years. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country? Dwight: Shotgun weddings. Jim: That's not what that is. Creed: Fright. Being scared to death. Michael: No. Holly: Obesity-caused illnesses. Dwight: Obesity-caused illnesses. Michael: Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose? Jim: I would like to lose 65 pounds. Michael: Yes, all right. Who else? [to Angela] Can I put you down for 10 pounds? Angela: No. My doctor wants me to gain weight. Michael: If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this? Jim: Cryogenics. Beer me five. Michael: This is how we're gonna do it. Five pounds. I'm asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim's 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: All right, I'm taking off. Michael: Booty call. Jim: Nope, just going to see Pam. Michael: Here. Jim: Maybe put up some shelves. Michael: Wait a second. [removes condom from wallet, throws it to Jim] I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me. Jim: OK, thank you for ... this. Michael: You want more? Jim: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I don't know if there's any one place that has all these things. Angela: It's not my problem. [dials phone] Andy: Thousand-year-old church in the continental United States. There has to be a rainbow. 24-hour veterinarian on call. Angela: That is very important to me, so -- I have work to do. Just do it. [walks away] Andy: Sweetheart. [Angela turns around] Just so you know, I don't care where we get married. I'll marry you right here in this building. I'll marry you in the parking lot. I'll marry you in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a snowstorm on top of a monsoon. All I care about is that we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. Andy: [Angela kisses him] Hey-oh! Angela: I know I haven't made this easy on you. [Dwight comes out of storage room alone, looks at watch.] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [knocks on door] Hi. Pam: Hi. [they kiss] Mmm. 'Cause-- [looks toward camera] Jim: Oh, that's so rude of me. Have you seen, um, Pam's new art? It's right there. Check it out. [closes door] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [music playing] It's a pretty lame party. Ronnie: Does anyone want to dance? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [watching baseball game on TV] Some girl came into Pam's room crying about her roommate stealing her soy milk. So I'm in here waiting it out. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Stanley, Michael's not here. You can eat a slice of your birthday cake. Stanley: I don't like cake anymore Andy: Why not, dawg? Stanley: Tastes changed. Now all I like is baklava. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael, we have a situation. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: They should not be in that room. Holly: That's so lame they didn't invite us. Michael: You know what we should do? We should have a party and not invite them. Dwight: Yeah! Michael: Let's go mini-golfing. Holly: Hey, could I have a rain check on the mini-golf. I, uh, actually have a date tonight. Michael: Uh... Holly: It'll probably be a total disaster, but... Michael: Um, I think you'll have fun. Men from Scranton are handsome, and they know how to show a woman a good time. Dwight: Not that guy who murdered his mother. He was not so handsome. Also Kevin. Michael: You know what? We're pretty much done here today. Why don't you just take off early? Holly: Really? Michael: Yeah. Holly: Oh, that's sweet. Wish me luck. Michael: Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, Holly doesn't need luck. Everyone that meets her instantly loves her. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Party's over. You are so busted! Michael: OK, everybody. Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit? Phyllis: You said fruit, Michael. Michael: And what is that? Phyllis: Cake. Michael: You know, we're gonna have to try a little harder if we are going to win this thing. Dwight: Happy Birthday, Stanley! [kicks cake onto Michael] [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: It's kind of a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is we're not doing very well, so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are, so corporate upped the prize to five days. So if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [spreading peanut butter on a bagel] What? Creed: Oh nothing. Kelly: It's just some of us are taking this really seriously. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [walks in the office] How's my favorite branch doing? [no one talks, everyone stares at Ryan] All right [sits at reception]. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ronnie was bleh. Things were at an all time sad here. But then I got an e-mail from Ryan, that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency and I told them I will pay you any amount, just give me Ryan Howard. Give him to me. I want him. I need him. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: And you got a goatee! Michael: I did! Ryan: Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine? Michael: Yes. Gooooo-tee! Kevin: Firrrrre-duh guy! [high fives Ryan] Ryan: Hey Kevin... [Kevin gives Ryan a noogie] That's really funny. Kevin: Yeah. Ryan: It's great to see you Kev. Kevin: You too. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: I'm keeping a list... of everyone who wrongs me. So when I'm back on top, they'll be sorry. Kevin just made the list. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community. Jim: Well that's great. [shakes Ryan's hand] You're talking about your court ordered community service? Ryan: I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean. Jim: But he did, right? Ryan: All right. Jim: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [glares into the camera and writes Jim's name on his list] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Well you lost zero pounds. [everyone grumbles] No change. On the bright side you gained zero pounds. Michael: Hey, you know what? I can't do this by myself people! Kelly and I are the only ones who have either passed out or almost passed out. [flails his arms] Andy: Damnit, I need these five days for my honeymoon! Who is slacking? Holly: Ok, let's just all try and work harder, ok? Andy: NO! I want names! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: So how was your date? Holly: Eight point five. I got a red wine stain on my favorite shirt. But he's cute, right? Michael: [groans painfully] Holly: What's wrong? Michael: [struggling to speak] Mmm--- mmm... Um... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Close the door. This is your fault. Jim: Nope. Michael: Your stupid friend zone. Jim: Mmm. Michael: I should have been lovers with her first and then friends. That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! You know my seduction method. I like to get in there and get my hands dirty! Wh--- You sabotaged me. You sabotaged me, man! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left. [looking at Phyllis] And most of you are just as fat as the day we began. Jim: How much weight have you lost, Dwight? Dwight: I am hardly the problem, Jim. Jim: No, you're definitely the problem. Dwight: This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna randomly select three names and these three people will get liposuction. Uhhhhh Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Kelly. Kelly: Oh, hello Ryan. You look well. Ryan: I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was goin' through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11. Um, I want you to know I've changed. Kelly: Cool. Ryan: We should get a drink later. Catch up. Pick me up around eight? Kelly: Oh that is so sweet. Um, but I'm dating Darryl, still, and we're like crazy in love so... Ryan: That--- I, um... cool. Well maybe I'll see you around. Kelly: It's a small office. Ryan: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hello Phyllis. Do you have a minute? Listen. I'm really sorry... about what I said before. Ok? I was way out of line. Phyllis: Yes you were. Dwight: But you know what, I want to make it up to you. There is a sure fire sale, but it's a two man job. Interested? Phyllis: Split the commission? Dwight: [sighs] Sixty - forty. Hm? [they shake hands] I'll drive. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [exhales, camera shows Kelly and Darryl making out on the reception couch, Kelly looking at Ryan] [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: Dieting's only half of it. Michael: Mmm-hmm. Saunas. Holly: And exercise. Although I know everybody loves going to the gym. Michael: Gah, the dreadmill. [both laugh] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Probably the weirdest thing about Pam being gone would be lunch... actually. But um, it will force me to become acquaintances with people I consider... coworkers. [SCENE_BREAK] Friend: Oh, my God. Ok. Everybody just act normal. Don't say anything. Pam: What? Friend: My ex-girlfriend. She's right behind you. Just... hide me. Pam: Really, where? Friend: No no! Don't look! [Pam sees an old lady behind him] Pam: Wow, was it the age difference? Friend: Uh, actually, kind of. Yes. I just didn't like eating dinner that early. [they laugh, Pam's phone rings, she answers] Pam: Hey! Jim! Um, listen, can I call you back in a little bit? I made friends! [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [storms in the office, sweaty and out of breath] Are you insane?! Dwight: Hey, hey! Oscar: Oh my God, what happened? Phyllis: There was no client. Dwight drove me to an abandoned warehouse five miles away and pushed me out of the car. I had to walk home with no money and no phone. Dwight: And you burned over a thousand calories walking home. And this branch just got a little bit closer to winning the contest. Phyllis Vance, ladies and gentlemen! [claps] Phyllis: You left me in a bad part of town! Dwight: Yeah, I took your purse. What are you worried about? [Phyllis storms to her desk, picks up phone and dials] You look great. I can definitely see the difference. Phyllis: [into phone] Phyllis Vance for David Wallace. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: "...or that Dunder Mifflin does not discriminate. Nor does it condone unhealthy dieting habits or extreme weight loss strategies. As was clearly stated in the official starting---" Michael: [in a fat suit, speaking in his Michael Clump voice] Ohhhh! Bang! Boom! Say Clump! Why hello everybody! Holly: What are you doing? Jim: Fair question. Michael: I say, I say, I say, I say down Holly! I'll take it from here. I am beautiful. [hangs pictures of fat people on the wall, including two fat people on a bike, the Ghostbusters Marshmallow Man, Elvis, Martin Lawrence in Big Mamma's House, Jabba the Hutt, and a fat pig] They are beautiful. He is beautiful. This big fat pig is beautiful. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's my sumo suit. I just didn't inflate it all the way. I am so glad that I bought instead of rented. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society. Jim: See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, but... maybe there's something wrong with you. Michael: If it's me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, "Why are you dressed in a plus sized suit?" Kevin: Because you're kind of doing Michael Clump. Michael: How do you know Michael Clump? Oscar: Because it's your making-fun-of-fat-people character. Michael: How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people. Oscar: I think of him as more like... a monster? What about, "I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!" Dwight: No, no, no, it goes, it goes... look, "I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!" Michael: No, no, no, NO, no! You know what? Fat people are not monsters! Why don't you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject. Bang! Boom! Case in point! Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside... and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man. Dwight: Vamping. Michael: Hey! Why don't you just sit down, please? Dwight: Eh, I've been sitting all day. Michael: We're doing this because of you. So why don't you just go stand somewhere else. [to Ryan] Hey. Hey. You shaved? Ryan: I did. Michael: Why? Ryan: [at a loss for words] [SCENE_BREAK] Professor: So, in the year 2000, fungus and even black mold was discovered growing in the cave. Some blame it on the new air conditioning system they installed. Some, on the high powered lights. [Pam's friend shows Pam a drawing mocking the professor, they laugh] Others feel that fungus is do to an over--- Pam: [to friend] Nice. Professor: Quiet please. Pam: Sorry. Friend: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight, I would like you to apologize to this beautiful, beautiful woman for forcing her to walk five miles, which for her is basically a death march. Dwight: She should thank me. Michael: Ok Phyllis, thank Dwight first. Phyllis: Why should I have to thank him? Michael: You're right, you're right. Just, Dwight, do it. Just say it ok. Dwight: [exhales] I apologize for creating a ruse which forced you to exercise. Michael: Finally. Right? Ok, Phyllis you must be exhausted from standing on those gams. Why don't you have a seat? [Phyllis sits] Let's all clap at Phyllis. [everyone claps] Ok! [in Michael Clump voice] When Michael Clump wants to remind you [normal voice] that corporate... their idea, yes, was to urge you to lose weight, but more importantly what this whole thing is about, this contest is really about being healthy. And in order to be healthy, you have to eat, Kelly. Kelly. [kneels down in front of Kelly, Dwight tries to help him down, Michael shouts gibberish at him] Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair. Come on, stand up on your chair. Stand up, stand up, stand up. Somebody help her. Here we go. [Kelly stands up on her chair] Ok, I want you to look at her. She's a beautiful Indian woman. Why? What makes her beautiful? Ryan: [stands up] Everything. She's perfect. Meredith: I like her nails. Michael: Ok, be more specific. Meredith: I like her fingernails. Phyllis: I like her purple dress. Michael: What about her looks? Creed: Hell of an ass. Kelly: ...what else do people like? [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: I wonder what people like about me? ... Probably my jugs. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Kelly, will you just agree to stop this mess and stop trying to kill yourself? Kelly: I hate dieting, I hate it so much. I hate this worm inside of me! Michael: I want you to know. Kelly, look at me! I want you to know that you are beautiful. You are truly, truly beautiful. Give me a hug. [Michael hugs Kelly, his head in her chest] Mmmmmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Summers going great. Just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a weird pain in my left side that I'm convinced is an ulcer. My girlfriend lives in New York and I haven't seen her in 10 days. How's your summer? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee. I am goateeless. We are the goateeless brothers. Ryan: Oh... Michael: Ahaha, Yep! [Dwight looks down depressingly and rubs his new goatee] Oscar: How was Friday night? Holly: Oh, I had a good time, but it's been three days and no call. I even have two tickets to see Counting Crows for tonight, so... Oscar: He'll call. Michael: Oscar, enough with the girl talk please. Darryl: You guys lost four pounds. Michael: Hey! Darryl: I say we have a parade. Dwight: We better. Michael: Excellent! Good job. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So as it turns out, tonight is my nephews T-ball game and I kinda missed the first three, so... Pam: You've already disappointed him so much. He can't be expecting a lot from you. Jim: I know. I suck. Dwight: Yes, you do. Jim: Dwight says "Hi." Dwight: I do not! I do not say "Hi" Pam! Jim: Now he is saying "Hi" louder. Pam: I... listen, umm, we're still good for this weekend, right? Jim: Umm... Pam: No football games, recitals, karate tournaments. Jim: Hey, can you go to IM? Pam: OK. Jim: OK. JIM9334 [screen name]: Let's meet for lunch. Dwight: What are you writing about me? Receptionitis15 [screen name]: What -- today? JIM9334: Yeah. C'mon we'll meet halfway. You'll be back for your 4 o'clock class. Dwight: I'm gonna write you both up for not working. Jim: I'm gonna write you up for not working. Dwight: Ok, well played. Neither of us'll write the other up for not working. Receptionitis15: Where? JIM9334: The rest stop where that soda exploded on me. Exit 17, I think. 1 o'clock. Receptionitis15: Alright. See you there. [/b]: ) P.S. I finally finished my summer project. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [holds up an ASCII image of Dwight] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call? Holly: I just got off... Kendall? I just got off... Michael: No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call? Holly: Oh, no. Micheal: Really? Holly: No. Micheal: Aach. Holly: And you know what? I even got two tickets to see the Counting Crows tonight as a surprise. Why do guys not call when they say they are gonna call? Michael: I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He'll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he'll call. If he doesn't, he is loco. Holly: Thanks. That's sweet. Anyways, umm, seems like we lost to Utica by only eight pounds. Michael: Ugh. Holly: Well, at least everyone lost weight. That's all that really matters. Michael: Wait, do we have until the end of the day? [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: So we're only eight pounds behind Utica. Now, I know it's a stretch but we could weigh ourselves again at the end of the day and maybe win this thing after all. Andy: Leave it to me, boss. I can get this whole office to make weight. [turns up thermostat] It's gonna be a little toasty in here. Good old fashioned sweat lodge. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them... or he quits them because they are unfair. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Kelly eating in the break room] Hey, is that healthy food? Kelly: Nope. Michael: We're trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please? Jim: Hey, Michael. I just scheduled lunch with a client so I might be back a little late. Michael: Ok, that is fine. Just water, and be back by weigh-in, ok? Jim: Perfect. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [sprays the inside of the vending machine with bug spray] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I hate to even ask because you have been so accommodating about all the wedding stuff. Andy: Your wish is my command. Angela: Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song, The Little Drummer Boy? Andy: Of course! Angela: Really? Andy: Yeah! I mean it's a great song. I always thought it was bigger than Christmas anyway. You know? Angela: Mmhmm. Andy: And you know what? The guys already know it so it's easy breezy. Angela: The guys? Andy: I didn't tell you. Angela: Mm-mm Andy: Here Comes Treble, class of '96 was available for our big day, so, I booked 'em. Angela: I don't think that... Andy: And, they are collectively my best man. And they are crashing with us for three weeks, so... it totally works out. Angela: I don't know if I want your old college a capella group to be our wedding band. Andy: Ok, I hear you, sweetheart, but this is a deal breaker. But you know what? You're gonna love these guys. Carl 1, Carl 2, Broccoli Rob, Spare Rib, Doobie, Lunch Box, Boner Champ, that's me, Pubie Lewis and the News, Hopscotch, Jingle Jangle, Sandwich. These are the best best-man a guy could ever hope for. Angela: [Angela dials the phone] Let's talk about this later. [Dwight's pager buzzes] Andy: Mm-wah! [Angela walks away, Dwight follows] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey! This is not half-way! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch. Jim: [Jim gets down on one knee] Pam: What are you doing? Jim: I just... couldn't wait. Pam: Oh my God! Jim: Pam, will you marry me? Pam: Oh my God! Jim: So? Pam: Yes! [they embrace and kiss] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: God. Where is Jim? Holly: I'm calling it. I guess that's curtains for the yoga guy. Michael: Aww, really? Holly: Yeah. Michael: I have to say, I think the problem with that whole thing... Holly: Yeah? Michael: ...was that he was a complete stupid idiot. Holly: Aww man, I really wanted to see them. Michael: I know. I love Counting Crows. Holly: Look at where my seats were. Michael: Wow, really? Holly: Yeah. Michael: That's a shame. A shame to waste these. I want to buy them from you. Holly: Michael, you don't have to buy them. Michael: I do. No. I do. I, I want to. Trust me. I really do. Holly: Ok. Michael: Ok? Holly: Yeah. Michael: Alright. Alright! [tears up tickets] Just, I want you to just forget about him, ok? Case closed. Umm, can I pay you tomorrow? I have like a 60 dollar limit on my ATM, so... Holly: Yeah. Michael: Is that good? Holly: Yeah. Jim: Hey, sorry everybody. Dwight: What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You're late. Andy: Wet Tuna! Jim: Hey Dwight. Michael: OK. Jim: What's up, Meredith? Meredith: Nothing. Dwight: Dripping on me. Michael: Darryl, would you do the honors? Darryl: Two thousand one hundred seventy-five. [everyone moans] Sorry guys. Michael: Nonono, no, no, I don't want to hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don't care what any stupid scale says. You guys are all gigantic losers. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I don't know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I'm just gonna take five days off anyway. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [in a hospital bed, watching Entourage in Spanish] Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors.
Plan: A: the summer; Q: During what season does the Dunder Mifflin branch diet? A: a Dunder Mifflin weight-loss initiative; Q: What causes the branch to diet and become obsessed with their weight? A: Michael; Q: Who pursues a friendship with Holly? A: Holly; Q: Who is Michael's new HR rep? A: Andy; Q: Who plans his wedding to Angela? A: her affair; Q: What does Angela continue with Dwight? A: Jim; Q: Who finally proposes to Pam? A: New York; Q: Where does Pam attend art school? A: Ryan; Q: Who returns to Dunder Mifflin as a temp? A: the Scranton office; Q: Where does Ryan return to work after being fired? Summary: Over eight weeks of the summer, a Dunder Mifflin weight-loss initiative causes the branch to diet and become obsessed with their weight. Michael pursues a friendship with his new HR rep, Holly . Andy plans his wedding to Angela , while she continues her affair with Dwight . Jim misses Pam who attends art school in New York, and he finally proposes. A disgraced Ryan returns to the Scranton office as a temp.
This transcript is merely for those that do not have access to Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the tv. It is not to infringe on any copywrighted material, merely to spread and promote BTVS. Feel free to distribute this, so long as there are no modifications made. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut the the UC Sunnydale cafeteria. Riley is sitting at a table laboring over papers. A friend Forrest is checking out his coeds. Forrest: Women. Young, nubile, exciting. Each one a mystery, waiting to be unlocked. Think any of them are gonna show? 'Cause the party will be lame if we lack for hotties. Professor? You with me? Riley : No. I'm with this large pile of ungraded papers, due at 3:00. Forrest : How are you gonna learn anything if you keep doing schoolwork? Oh...Check her out. Is she hot, or is she hot? We see Buffy at the soda fountain. She's distracted and her cup starts to over flow. Riley : (Looks up.) She's buffy. Forrest : Buffy? I like that. That girl's so hot, she's buffy. Riley : It's her name, Forrest. Forrest : You've established first contact? Excellent. What do you think of her? Riely : I haven't really thought about what I think of her. Forrest : A girl that cute in the face, and you form no opinion? Riley : No, I mean, She's all right, I guess. She's just kind of... I don't know. Peculiar. We see Buffy break the handle off of the the frozen yogurt machine. She battles with it for a bit. Forrest : Peculiar? Hi. Hey, graham, what do you think of the blonde chick? Mattressable, n'est pas? Riley's not down. Doesn't like her. Riley : I don't dislike her. She just-- she never feels like she's really there when you talk to her. I like girls I can get a grip on. Forrest : I bet you do. Riley : Not that way. Just a little less ready for takeoff all the time. There's definitely something off about her. Graham : Maybe she's canadian. Buffy flees the site and we see the yogurt machine overflowing in her wake. Forrest : Didn't she go out with parker abrams for about 30 seconds? Riley : Abrams? Yeah, there's a sign of good taste. Buffy goes to the register and pays for her food. Forrest : Ok, but you've got to admit she's a major league hottie. Riley : Well, I'm not denying she's easy on the eyes. I'm just saying... (Buffy spills both drink and yogurt on the floor.) Would you really want to go out with her? Forrest : Hell, yes. I bet a lot of guys would like to get their hands on her. Cut to Spike laying on the floor of a sanitary hospital white chamber. He's mumbling as he drifts towards conciousness. Spike : Slayer... I'll kill you. Not so tough. I... Kill slayer. He gets up and looks around. He goes to the glass wall that holds him in and puts his hands on it. He recieves a sevre electric shock and jumps back. The camera pans back and we see doezens of other cages with vampires and other ilk locked up. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Giles apartment. He and Xander are sitting in his living room. He's adding finishing touches to a drawing. Giles : Well, based on buffy's description, I believe the men that we're after Look something like, um... Like this. He holds up the drawing. Xander : The latest in fall fascism. I like it. A bit full in the hips for my taste, but-- Giles : Oh, I think we can safely assume they're human, So, um, no research needed. Xander : No studying? Damn! Next thing they'll tell me is I'll have to eat jelly doughnuts or sleep with a supermodel to get things done around here. I ask you, how much can one man give? Giles : Not too much, I'm afraid. Um... Once again I'd say that you and I will not be needed to help buffy. Xander : Really? Giles : Really. Xander : Well, how about this? We whip out the ouija board, light a few candles, Summon some ancient, unstoppable evil. Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem. We show up and kick its ass. Buffy walks in the apartment. Giles : Wee bit unethical. Buffy : Hello, people. Hey. Mmm. (Giles hold up the scetch.) It's my late night storm trooper pal. Giles : It's--it's just for reference, you know, But fairly accurate you'd say? Buffy : That's your man. Giles : Your man, actually. Uh...You are patrolling tonight? Buffy : Nope, I am going to a party tonight. Hopefully, a "no fighting, no biting" kind of deal. Giles : Look, buffy, somebody's got to find out who these people are. Buiffy : Giles, I live in a dorm now. The girls in my hall want to party, Willow needs some cheering up. I'm going to take her. Xander : How's will dealing-- Buffy : (Cutting off Xander.) With the black hole of despair she's been living in since Oz left? She's dealing. I'm helping. It's hard. Ergo, party. You two can take patrol. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find something slutty to wear tonight. Cut to the facility that Spike is being held at. He's pacing around when a packet of blood falls from a panel in the ceiling. He grabs it and goes to start in on it. We see the vampire that was captured in the first episode, a leftover from Sunday's gang. Vampire : Don't drink it. It's drugged. Spike : (He throws down the pack, frusterated.) Uh-huh. And who are you, mate? Vampire : I'm a rat. I'm a lab rat, just like the others. They're gonna kill us, you know. Spike : And how are they gonna do that? Vampire : They starve you. When you're ready to bite your own arm, they shoot out one of those packets. You drink, and the next thing, you're gone. And that's when they do the experiments. Spike : And, uh, they are? The government? Nazis? A major cosmetics company? Vampire : Who cares? All I know is, one minute I'm running from the slayer, And the next thing, I'm here. Spike : The slayer! I knew it! I knew it! Vamire : Yeah, she took apart my crew, and led me straight to these guys. Spike : She set me up, too. I always worried what would happen When that bitch got some funding. (He slams his hands into the glass wall briefly in frusteration.) She's wised up a bit. Fine! I'll take her apart. I don't care how brilliant she is. Cut to Prof. Walsh's class. Buffy is fighting with her pen and her hands are covered in ink. Buffy : Stupid pen. (She looks down alarmed.) My notes! Wilow : Ballpoints can be tricky. Walsh: I'll see you all tomorrow. Buffy and Willow collect thier things to leave. Willow goes up to Riley Willow : Riley. I notice you left off a name today in roll call. Osbourne, Daniel Osbourne, Oz? Riley : He's not in this class anymore. I hear he dropped out. Willow : (Looking distressed.) Oh, well you heard way wrong then. I mean, he's not gone. He--he left temporarily to work out a few things. I know that sounds lame in its vagueness, but I assure you, Oz will be back. Walsh: (Walks up to where Willow and Riley are.) Not to my class, he won't. An educated guess. You know the rules, you know I hate exceptions, and yet somehow you feel your exception is exceptional. (She crosses her arms in front of her looking intimidating.) Willow : Oh, but-- Walsh : (Cutting her off.) It is. To you. But since I'm neither a freshman nor a narcissist, I have to consider the whole class. If your friend can't respect my schedule, I think it's best he not come back. Willow looking hurt and miserable walks off. Buffy who's been watching from the sidelines walks up to Walsh. Buffy : You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some. Walsh : It's not my job to coddle my students. Buffy : You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. (Buffy stalks off.) Walsh : I like her. Rirley : Really? You don't think she's a little peculiar? Cut to Xander's apartment / his parents basement. He's got a spread of military weaponry in front of him. He's trying to open the chamber of a pistol and having some trouble. Xander : Here we go. Gear for tonight. If some commando squads are out there, fully loaded, these babies might give us the edge we'll need. Giles : That's a very impressive array. Where'd it all come from? Xander : Uh, requisitioned it. Back when I was a military guy. Giles : That was 2 years ago. You still 100%? Xander : Are you kidding? I put the semper in semper fi. I might not be able to assemble an m-16 blindfolded like I used to or pass weapons drill from the mobile infantry... (Giles grabs the pistol and immediatly accomlishes what Xander has been trying to do for 10 minutes.) Might as well face it. Right now, I don't have the technical skills to join the swiss army. And all those guys ask you to do Is uncork a couple of sassy cabernets. Giles : Well, I'm sure you'll be ready when the time comes. Xander : Oh, fear not. Hand to hand? I'm still the man. Whoever these guys trained with, I'm sure they're not ready to deal with-- Xander's Mother : (Calling from the main level of the house.) Xander! Xander :Yes, mom! Xander's Mother : I made up a nice fruit punch for you and your friend. Would you boys like some? Giles : (Looks up.) Is it, uh, raspberry fruit punch? Cut to where Riley is talking to Forrest in thier dorm, and he's throwing a frizbee back and forth between another guy. Riley : So she says, "you teach human behavior. Maybe you ought to show some." Forrest : Oh, you're lying. She says that to Walsh? Riley : Hope to die. Forrest : Doesn't lack for guts. You've got to give her that. Riley : Yeah, but she's nuts. Forrest : Oh, come on. Like you never wanted to tell the professor off? Hey, Parker! (Parker has entered the dorm. Forrest, Riley and a few others walk over to him.) Parker : Forrest. What's up, man? Forrest : What's the scoop on Buffy Summers? Is she cool? Parker : Buffy? Yeah, she's all right, I guess. I mean, kind of whiney. Forrest : How's that? Parker : Well, you know, clingy. I mean, we got a little physical-- Uh, well, fully physical, and then she's all over me, you know, like we're betrothed or something. Forrest : No, but fun was had, yeah? Parker : [Laughs] oh, yeah. The word is stamina. I mean, definitely a bunny in the sack, but later on, well. You know the difference between a freshman girl and a toilet seat? A toilet seat doesn't follow you around after you use it. Riely decks Parker who hits the floor. Riley : (Walking between Forrest and Graham.) I can't believe that I did that. Forrest : Welcome to the club. Do you have any idea how much trouble you could have gotten into? If parker reported you-- Graham : He won't, he's too embarrassed. Riley : I hit him. Forrest : What the hell for? Riley : He--he was just being so crude. Forrest : Please. You've heard me say much grosser things than that. Riley : And most of those are about your own mother. (Riley laughes and Forrest jokingly smacks him on the back of the head. Riley stops abruptly.) Forrest : What is it? Riley : I just didn't like hearing him (he pauses thoughtfully) talk about buffy that way. I think I... Well, I guess I like her. Forrest : You're kind of like a moron. Riley : So, you... You knew that I had feelings for her. Forrest : Everybody knows, man. Oh, she's peculiar? Dead giveaway, buddy. Riley : I'm always the last to know. Forrest : So, whatcha gonna do? Riley : (Walking off.) Well, I guess I'm gonna go see a girl. Cut to the facility. We see Spike on the floor uncouncious. Beside him is an empty sack of blood. Two lab types grab him and are loading him onto a gourney. As they're starting to strap him in his eyes open. He grabs the lab guy by him by the throat. Spike : Sorry, can't stay. Got to go see a girl. [SCENE_BREAK] Back to the lab. Spike jumps off the gourney. An orderly rushes him, and Spike grabs him by the arm and flips him over the gourney, sending him rolling to the floor. Spike follows him, ready to attack, and the orderly grabs him and slams him into the glass wall of the episode one vampire's cage/room. Vampire : Let me out! Spike : Bit busy right now. Vampire : Look, I know where the exit is. You spring me, you're free. You don't, you're dead. Spike throws the orderly off of him, into another with a syringe, who accidentally stabs him in the neck with it. He falls onto the gourney. The second orderly looks up alarmed. Spike has vamped out, smiles, grabs the orderly and flips him onto the floor. Vampire : Hurry! Hurry! Spike runs over to the orderly sprawled on the gourney. He goes through his pockets and grabs the security card. He uses it to free the vampire. Vampire : This way! They run down the hall and quickly run under the closing security door. They run into the next room where ops guys are coming out of an elevator. Spike : New plan! We split up. You go that way. He shoves the vampire into the ops guys and flees. Cut to Willow laying on her bed in the dorm room she and Buffy share. She's listening to depressing music looking mopey. There's a knock at the door. Willow : Come in. (RIely walks in.) Oh, Riley. Hi. Riley : Hi. Gee, I hope I'm not interrupting anything really depressing. Willow : What's up? Riley : (Looking nervous.) Right to the point, ok. I was thinking of asking out Buffy. Willow : She's not here. Riely : I know. (Willow spys Buffy's open bag o' weapons on the floor by her bed and looks alarmed.) See, I don't know that much about Buffy. But I'm interested in what she likes, and so far, well, the only thing that I know she likes is you. Willow : What--what do you want me to do? (She's gotten up and headed towards Buffy's bag.) Riely : Just tell me something. Anything. Just give me a clue to-- (He notices Willow trying to subtly nudge the bag under the bed with her foot.) Here, let me help you with that. (He scotches the bag under the bed.) Just something that will start us talking, you know? (Willow returns to her bed and Riley sits on Buffy's.) I'm thinking that "how 'bout them broncos" won't really cut it. Willow : Ok, say that I help, and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper, and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops, And it feels like the whole world's made for you two, and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow, mockery of the human condition. Riley : (Looking a bit put out, but is glib.) Yep, that's the plan. Willow : I figured it was. Riley : Oh. Look, if you want to tell me to go to hell, that's ok. Maybe this is the last thing you want to talk about. I just feel that, well, I've never courted anyone like Buffy before. I don't think I've ever met anyone like Buffy before. Willow : Why should I trust you? Riley : Just sort of hoping you'd think I have an honest face. Willow : I've seen host faces before. They usually come attached to liars. Riley : All right. I guess I'm not gonna win, here. And I appreciate you wanting to protect your friend. (He gets up to leave.) I guess, uh, she kind of brings that out in people. (Thinks of the damage he did to Parker probably.) Willow : She likes cheese. Riley : What? Well, I'm not saying it's the key to her heart, but Buffy... She likes cheese. Riley : That's a start. Willow : She has a stuffed piggy named Mr. Gordo, loves ice capades without the irony, and she's dragging me to this party tonight at lowell house. Riley : Oh, you're going? That's my house. I live there. (He sits on Willow's bed, encouraged.) Willow : Well, it'll give you a chance to interact, but don't get fresh. Riely : Fresh? I don't even know if we like each other yet. Hey, does she ever talk about me? Like, has she ever said... Willow : Sorry. Riley : That's discouraging. Still, I feel like I have a fighting chance with my new accomplice. Willow : I'm not your accomplice. Riley : No, no. Of course not. Willow : I'm not. Riley : You're not. Willow : We're clear. Riley : We're clear. Cut to Harmony listening to teeny-bob techno, hanging up a frilly unicorn poster in a crypt. Spike enters the room. Harmony : Spike? Spike, is that really you? (He walks up to her.) Spike : It's me, baby. Your man is-- (Harmony slaps him across the face.) back. Harmony : b*st*rd. You dumped me and staked me and hurt me and left me-- Spike : I know, sugar, but you're forgetting one other thing I did. (He gets a touchy feely look.) I missed you. Harmony : Really? (He holds up his arms, in a "Well here I am," sort of way.) Oh! Just don't ever do that to me again. (She leaps into his arms hugging him.) Spike : Oh, never, my little foam latte. Your blondie bear is here to stay. Harmony : Well, where have you been? (Spike strolls over to a wicked looking double bladed weaponry ax. He swings it around a bit.) No, wait. Don't tell me. I'm just glad you're back. And this time, it's for good, right? (He tosses aside the ax.) Spike : Oh, forever and ever, mon petite creme brulee. (He picks up another vicious looking weapon, this time an exceptionally long dagger. He tosses this aside too.) Harmony : Ooh. Italian. Spike : Uh, yeah, and get used to it. Big daddy's home. We're gonna go wherever you want, do whatever you want, (He picks up yet another weapon this one a long sword like thing with a hook on the end.) kill whoever you want. Starting with the slayer. (Harmony looks irritated as Spike tosses aside his current weapon.) And after that, it's all you and me, my little mentholated pack of smokes. Harmony walks over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder. Harmony : Spikey. Let's leave the slayer alone. (She grabs his lapels.) You know she'll only slap you around, and I can do that. Spike : Ow! Uh, no, see, ow. (Harmony is grabbings his hair, getting cute.) The head, love. Watch the head. Whoa, watch it! (Harmony has jumped Spike.) Cut to Giles and Xander hiding in the woods. Xander: Every man faces this moment. Here. Now. Watching. Waiting For an unseen enemy that has no face. Nerve endings screaming in silence. Never knowing which thought might be your last. Giles : Oh, shut up. Cut to Willow and Buffy walking into the party. Buffy : Looks cool. Willow : Uh-huh. Buffy : Look, we could go. Willow : No-no, we're here for fun. Buffy : Oh, look. Some of the guys are here already. Willow : I'm gonna grab a soda. I'll--I'll find you guys. Buffy : Ok. Willow playing secret agent gal walks over to wear Riley is standing. She leans against a pillar facing the opposite direction of Riely. Willow : Ok, she's wearing the halter top with sensible shoes. That means mostly dancing, light contact, But don't push your luck. Heavy conversation's out of the question. Riley : So what do I do? Willow : Ask her to dance. Riley : Right. Dance. Wait. No. Willow : What's the matter? (She turns to face him.) Riley : I can't dance. Williow : Then talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun. (She pats him on the shoulder.) Riely walks off. We see Buffy standing in a circle of people. Riley makes his way through towards her. Riely : Excuse me. Hi. Buffy : Hi. Riley : Um...Buffy... (He pauses looking at a loss.) You do the reading on chapter 9? Buffy : Uh-huh. (She gives him a look.) Riley : Wow. Some theories, huh? Cheese? (He holds up a cube of cheese on a stick.) Cut to the woods. Xander sees things being thrown into a pile. Harmony walks out and begins to pour gas on the pile. Xander : Harmony. Harmony : Xander? (She walks towards him.) Xander : That's close enough. (She stops.) I'm warning you: I've been highly trained to put this through your heart. (He waves a stake around.) No mercy, no warning. Harmony : I can kill you where you stand. Xander : Bring it on, then. Harmony bitch slaps him. Xander : Ow! He kicks her in the shin. Harmony : Ow! You sissy kicker! She slaps him in the arm. The most girly fight ever on BTVS ensues. They slap at each other and circle each other in a menacing manner. More slapping without contact. They end up tangled up pulling each others hair. Xander : Get away! Aah! Cut it out! Harmony : Ow, I'm so gonna bite you! Xander : Ow... Ok, stop, stop! We should stop, ok? Harmony : Ok, I will if you will. Xander ; On the count of 3... Xander : Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 1...2...3! Harmony : Right, ok. Xander : Harmony, it's been great catching up. Really, I'm just gonna pick up the tattered shreds of my dignity and go home... Leaving you with your fire. Harmony : My fire? Yeah, right. Like I listen to the s*x pistols. Eww. This crap belongs to Spike. Xander : Spike? Harmony : Can you believe him? He comes back with all these big promises, not that I believed him, you know. But he could have spent one night, but, no. Everything was "slayer this" and "slayer that." I mean, he probably already killed her. I'm not taking him back, I just...I just want to know why it is that men always... (She looks up and Xander has left to go warn Buffy.) Leave. Harmony pitches a lit match behind her. The pile of Spikes things go up in flames. Cut to Riley and Willow sitting on a couch at the party. Neither look very much in a party mood. Riley : I can't believe it. I choked. Willow : You really, really did. Riley : You don't understand. I'm good at things. That's what I do. Work hard, apply myself, get it done. Willow : Well, you failed extremely well. Riley : That's a great comfort to me. We see Buffy doing a "sexy dance" with another guy. Willow : You need to relax. I mean, you're not proposing. You're just making contact, getting a reaction. Any reaction is ok, except projectile vomiting. But, what are the chances of that-- A Dingoes Ate My Babies song comes on. Willow gets a horrificly depressed look. Riley : Are you ok? Willow : This song... Riley : Oh, yeah, it's a tape of some bands from last year's party. Associations? Willow : Big. Riley : Bad? A.J.! (He makes a cutting motion. A.J. changes the music ignoring the murmer of protest from the crowd.) Willow : Thank you. Now go find Buffy. Riley : There's no hurry. I mean, if you want to talk. Willow : No, I... I want you to find Buffy and tell her that I went home and not to worry about me. Which at least will give you something to say. Riley : Thanks. Willow : You'll do fine. (She leaves and Riley journeys to find Buffy. He walks over to Buffy and puts his hand on her shoulder.) Buffy : Hey. Riley : Um, Willow said to say that she took off. (Buffy looks upset.) Oh, no, she's ok. Kind of blue, but she said not to worry. Buffy : Thank you. Riley : You know... I wanted to ask you something. Buffy : Ask away. Xander runs in interupting them. Xander : Buffy! I've been looking all over for you. We need... Need to talk, uh, not here. It's sort of... Unfinished business. Buffy : Business? Right. Uh, excuse us? Riley : No problem. Forrest walks up. Forrest : Denied. Riley : It's not like she blew me off. She just left with another guy, that's all. Forrest : We need you downstairs, anyway. (They head downstairs.) You know, I hate to say it, but they're probably on their way to make crazy naked s*x. Riley : Is that necessary? They stand in front of a mirror and a glowing green light scans them. Forrest : I'm protecting you, buddy. I don't want to see you mooning over some freshman for the next 3 months. Computer: Retinal scan accepted. They enter the elevator that opens up in the wall. Riley : I like her. Graham : I'm on your side, here. Riley : I know you are, Graham. That's what gives me the strength to put up with this comedian. Forrest : Dude, straight tip: I know girls. Riley : Exactly! Girls, plural. I'm talkin' about one girl. (He leans into a microphone.) One girl. Computer: Initiative vocal code match complete. Special agent Finn, Riley. Identity number 75329. [SCENE_BREAK] They enter the massive under ground bat cave like facility that is the headquarters of the Initiative. Riley : The problem is, what kind of girl is gonna go out with a guy who's acting all joe regular by day and then turns all demon-hunter by night? Graham: Maybe a peculiar one. Riley: Thank you, Graham. You see, forrest? You don't have to be so negative all the time. Hold up. Situation? They walk over to where Prof. Walsh is standing in a white lab coat. Walsh : Gentlemen, suit up. We have a code red. Hostile 17 has escaped. [SCENE_BREAK] Walsh: Here's what we know, and it isn't much: Hostile 17 broke restraints at exactly 2:47 P.M. Graham, Forrest and Riley are almost done putting on thier gear. Forrest: That's a big head start. Walsh : Gets bigger every time you interrupt me. It was bagged and tagged locally, so assume it knows the area. The creature has every advantage right now. Fail to recapture it, and everything we've worked for-- The initiative itself-- could end tonight. Riely : Nobody's failin' on my watch. Walsh : Glad to hear it. Gentlemen, agent Finn is now in charge of this operation. I'm counting on you, Riley. Riley : We start with the basic mobilization pattern. 3 Teams. Sweep and search, just like practice. Thorough but fast. C-team: Take the campus perimeter. Make sure it can't leave. Stake it if you gotta, but only as a last resort. B-team: You're going down. Tunnels, sewers, cemeteries. Gates and miller are with me. We take the heart of campus and work our way out. All units, maintain radio contact early and often. Who's got questions? Move! Cut to Giles apartment where Buffy, Xander and Giles are gathered. Buffy: What is wrong with him? Doesn't spike get that this is my town? Giles : He's resilient. Buffy : And it's my night off. Xander : I'm sure he'd pick another night if he knew you were busy with teutonic boy toy. Buffy: What is that supposed to mean? Xander : Nothing. Buffy : Riley's a doof. He's not teutonic. Giles: We have to assume that Spike's main target is you, Buffy. Buffy: Fine. You know what? He's worn out his welcome. Tonight, I kill him. Giles : You have a plan? Buffy : I am the plan. If spike wants me, I go alone... No arguments. Lead him away from the popular places and give him what he wants. Buffy gets up to leave and Xander goes after her. Xander : Oh, wait, wait! Take this. He gives her a flare gun. Buffy : A flare gun? Xander, if I find spike, I'm staking him, not signalling ships at sea. Xander : You get into trouble... Buffy : Ok. I'll flare. Xander : And we'll come a-runnin'. (Buffy leaves.) Do you think Spike'll find her? Giles : I'm sure of it. Cut to Spike sitting at a computer. He's scrolling down a list of student dorm names and thier housing. He reaches Buffy's name. Spike : Hello, gorgeous. Cut to the woods where Graham, Forrest and Riley are leaving a wooden shed type thing. They walk to a clearing where they see Buffy sitting on a park bench alone through binoculars. Riley : What've we got? Graham : Civilian, sir. Graham gives him his binoculars and Riley looks through them recognising Buffy. Riley : Ah, damn. Forrest : She's compromising the area. At least she's not making crazy, naked s*x. Riely : Told you. We gotta clear her outta there... Fast. Forrest : Maybe not. Just thinking. If you were hostile 17, living off the crap we feed 'em, what would you rather eat than that? Riley : You wanna use the girl I got a crush on as bait? Forrest : I can tag a hostile at 50 yards. Riley : Denied. Forrest : She'd be safe the entire-- Riley : I said denied, agent. Forrest : Did you just pull rank on me? Riley : Do you have a problem with that? Forrest : No, sir. So, how're we gonna get her out of there? Riley, no longer wearing kevlar walks up to where Buffy is sitting on the bench. Buffy : Riley! What are you doing here? Riley : Well, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you after the party. You left so fast. You know, with your friend... Who's a boy. Buffy : Uh, xander? He's not anyone that I... Want to talk about, right now. Um... You know, I don't want you taking this the wrong way... It's just, um... I need a little alone time now... Alone. Riley : Why? Buffy : I need space. Riley : We're outdoors. Buffy : Emotionally. (She pauses looking for something better to say and gives up.)I mean, emotionally... Riley : You know, there's plenty of space back in your room why don't I take you? You wouldn't believe the weirdos out at this hour. He starts to lead her off. Buffy : Whoa! Ok... It's a free campus. Who died and made you John Wayne? Riley : I'm just trying to help. Buffy : You think I need help? Believe me, I don't. You know, if you were a real gentleman, then you would just leave. You would go far, far away, now! Shoo! Riley : Are you drunk? Buffy : Yes! Go and report me. Riley : I'm taking you home. Come on. He goes to grab her and lead her off. Buffy : Oh, did you ever think maybe I'm gonna take you home, huh? What? You think that boys can take care of themselves and girls need help? Riley : Yeah. Buffy : That is so teutonic. Riley : Look, Buffy, as long as you're out here, I'm staying. Buffy : Well, as long as you're out here, I'm staying. They hear a scream. Riley : Gotta go. Buffy : See ya! They both run off in opposite directions. Riley : Tell me we're tracking. They're looking a some sort of tracking device. Graham : Honing a signal. Got it... Heading west. Better be the hostile. Forrest: All units converge, all units converge. Hard target sighted. Heading 1-2 alpha niner. Let's bag it before this gets ugly. Cut to Willow and Buffy's dorm room. Willow's moping again on her bed listening to sad music. There's a knock at the door. Willow : Come in. (Spike walks in. Willow is immediatly alarmed and gets up.) Spike! Wh-what do you want? Uh, a spell? I can do that. She goes to run past him, but he grabs her and and throws her against her dresser. Spike : I'll give you a choice. (He walks over to her.) Now I'm gonna kill you. No choice in that. But... I can let you stay dead... Or... Bring you back, to be like me. Willow : I--I'll scream. Spike : Bonus. Willow screams. Spike throws her on the bed and then turns the radio up to a blaring level. Willow: No! Spike jumps on her and they battle but he goes to bite her. [SCENE_BREAK] Spike : I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before. (He's sitting on Willow's bed.) Willow : Maybe you were nervous. Spike : I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. (He leaps on her and draws back immediatly. He tries again and the same thing happens.) Ow! Oh! Ow! Damn it! (He gets up and kicks the dresser. He starts to pace around the room.) Willow : Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire? Spike : Not to me, it doesn't! Willow : It's me, isn't it? Spike : What are you talking about? Willow : Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. I--I... You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around. Spike : Piffle! Willow : I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "ooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "oh, you're such a good friend." Spike : Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat. Willow : Really? Spike sits on her bed again. Spike : Thought about it. Willow : When? Spike : Remember last year, you had on that... Fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath? Willow : I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool. Spike : Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fang-y and "rrrr!" Takes the mystery out. Willow : But if you could... Spike : If I could, yeah. Willow : You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying. Spike : Don't patronize me. Cut to the outside of Willow's dorm. Graham, Forrest and Riley are hiding in the bushes, peering at a tempeture senor. Graham: I'm getting a picture... Signature's locked. Riely : What've we got? Graham : Humans of the freshman variety. 98.6, 98.6... Bingo! Got a cold one. Thermal output clockin' in at exactly... Room temperature. Vampire. Call in a standard triangle flanking maneuver. Riley : We're going in. I need a lockdown on grid 6. Spike : I'm only 126. Willow : You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or... (She picks up a lamp and smashes it over his head. She runs over to her door and tries to leave, but it's locked.) The lights go out outside in the hall. Riley, Graham and Forrest run in the dorm wearing night vision goggles. They race up the stairs and when they reach the top students scramble out of thier way. They head down the hall and reach Willow's room. They bust the door down and Willow races out knocking them out of the way. One of them points the tranquilizer gun at Willow. Riley: No, hold your fire! Spike rushes out and slams Graham into a wall. Willow cowers in a corner. Spike rushes over to bite Graham but can't due to a sevre burst of pain. Graham: It's on me! (Spike rushes over to bite Graham but can't due to a sevre burst of pain.) Spike: Aah! Commando : Move! Spike struggles but is eventually contained. Commando : Bag it, tag it. We're gone. Sir... Civilian. Could have turned. (Referring to Willow cowering in a corner.) Riely : Leave her. Commando : We can't neglect quarantine, sir! Spike breaks free. He grabs a fire extingusher and smashes a commando with it. Another goes to shoot him, but he holds up the extinguisher and it's shot, which makes the hall fill with CO2 gas. Willow crawls towards her room. Commando : Stop her! A commando grabs her. Commando : She's contained. Buffy: Contain this! (The commando who has Willow turns around and is blinded as his night vision goggles are overloaded when Buffy shoots off the flare gun. The flare bounces around the room.) All: Aah! Ow! I'm blind! What the hell was that? The commandos tear off thier goggles. Buffy shooes Willow into thier room. Buffy begins to fight the commandos. (Neither she nor Riley recognize each other. Riley is blnded and Buffy doesn't recognize him because of the disguise of his gear and face mask.) Buffy is redireced into a wall by Riley. Spike sees a way to escape and does. Buffy gets up and dodges a kick, then a punch and then reciptorcated and lands a punch. She gets him in a corner and lands about a dozen quickly repeated punches on his stomach. He get ahold of himself, then punches Buffy in the face. She flies back. Cut to Spike who runs down the hall and jumps out a window. Graham and Forrest follow him, but stop at the window. Cut back to Buffy and Riley fighting. Buffy is redirected into a wall. She gets up and slams him in the face with a folding chair. She delivers a roundhouse kick and flips him over onto the floor. He gets up and through his hazy vision relizes there's something amiss. Riley : Abort! Cut to the Initiative facility. Walsh : I'm sure you'll understand if I seem far from happy. Riley: Yes, ma'am. If you read my report you'll see-- Walsh : Hostile 17's found an accomplice who's smart, aggressive, and somehow escapes description. Forrest : Whoever he was, the guy was big. Graham : Strong, too. Riley : Whoever... Or whatever. Walsh: I'm not interested in guess work, gentlemen. Call me old-fashioned. I like results. This report reads like a child's riddle book. Agent Finn, tell me something good. My implant? Riley : The implant works. Hostile 17 can't harm any living creature, In any way, without intense neurological pain. We'll bag it. Walsh : Yes, you will. Dismissed. Cut to the next day. Riley sees Buffy walking across the campus. He heads towards her. Riley : Hey. Buffy : Hi. Riley : Listen, sorry about last night. Buffy : No, no... I was rude. I just felt like being alone. Sometimes it's nice to be out by yourself at night. Riely : I hear that. Gotta be careful, though. Lotta strange... People out there. Buffy : Oh, yeah. Riley : How's willow doing? Buffy : Ok. 'Course, that stupid fraternity prank on our dorm didn't help any. Riley : That's right. I forgot you guys live in stevenson. Buffy : You knew that? Riley : Well, Willow and I were... I thought she might be able to help me on a project. Buffy : Really? That work out for you? Riley : Don't know yet. Buffy : Uh, last night... At the party, You wanted to tell me something? Riley : Oh, yeah. Very important stuff. I don't remember any of it now. But you would have been fascinated, possibly even moved. Did Willow tell you I like cheese? Buffy : You're a little peculiar. Riley : I can live with that. BLACK OUT
Plan: A: Spike; Q: Who was captured by the commandos? A: University; Q: What is the facility that Spike is being held hostage in located underneath? A: a crush; Q: What does Riley realize he has on Buffy? Summary: Spike, who was captured by the commandos, is being held hostage by them in a hi-tech facility underneath the University. Spike escapes and heads to find Buffy, who he assumes is behind this; Riley realizes he has a crush on Buffy.
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Leo are there making breakfast.] Leo: I don't know what more proof you need. You told me yourself it sounds great. Piper: It does. Leo: So, what's the problem? Piper: Burning toast. Leo: What? Piper: The toast, it's burning. (Leo goes over to the smoking toaster.) Now, see, there's a question. Your Avatar friends are promising this big, bright future. Um, will there be burning toast? Leo: Piper, be serious. Piper: I am. You know, they say they're gonna rid the world of evil, bring about a better way. What else are they gonna get rid of? Leo: Nothing else. We had this conversation. Piper: Yeah, I know, but... Leo: You talked to the other Avatars, they answered all your questions. Piper: Still, I... Leo: What more do you need to know? Piper: Well, if you'd let me finish a damn sentence, I'd tell ya. Look, the more I think about the whole thing, the more it worries me. No, save the pitch. I've heard it. And I'm not saying it doesn't sound great. Obviously it does, especially after everything we've been through. But... Leo: But? Piper: But it's a huge decision. I mean, it's one thing to save the world from evil every week. It's another thing entirely to change the world just because we can. I mean, isn't that a little cocky? Leo: No. In this case, it's a leap of faith. One that I'm willing to fight for because I have faith in the Avatars. Piper: Yeah, but not everyone else has reached your level of faith yet. (Leo hears something.) Leo: Is that the front door? Piper: Phoebe? Paige? (They walk into the foyer and notice the front door wide open.) That's odd. Did you leave that open? Leo: No, I orbed in. (Kyle walks in behind them.) Kyle: You son of a bitch! (He throws the Avatar potion at Leo and it freezes in mid air.) Leo: That was close. (He notices Piper's also frozen. Alpha and Beta appear.) Alpha: Too close. That's the second time he's tried to kill you, Leo. We need to do something about this. Leo: All right, well, I'm not gonna do anything until you unfreeze Piper. I can't keep lying to her. (Piper unfreezes.) Piper: Watch out! What are they doing here? Beta: Saving his life. This vial contains an ancient potion that kills Avatars, Piper. Which means that someone must have told Agent Brody that Leo is one of us now. Leo: Paige. Piper: All right, what do you want from me? I'll kill her later. Alpha: Make no mistake, Piper, this is a serious matter. One that demands our immediate attention. If one of use were to die, it could weaken the collective to the point where we might not be able to implement the change. Piper: You know, well, maybe you should have thought of that before you killed Brody's parents. Leo: Piper. Piper: What? That's why he views them as a threat. That's what he thinks happened. Alpha: Do you view us as a threat, Piper? Piper: Actually, I'm still working on that one. Beta: We didn't kill his parents. That's not what we're about. Alpha: She'll discover what we're about in her own time as Phoebe already has. But we are running out of time. Agent Brody is not the only problem that we face. Even as we speak, the demon Zankou is mobilising the Underworld to try and stop us as well. (Alpha takes the vial from mid air.) If you truly desire a life beyond good and evil, Piper... we're going to need your help... which means you'll need to decide quickly. (The Avatars disappear. Kyle unfreezes.) Kyle: What happened, huh? What'd you do? Piper: Kyle, wait, listen to me. Kyle: No, you don't understand! That was the last potion! You have no idea what you just did. Piper: Okay, so you see why I'm having a little problem with the faith thing, right? Paige! (Paige orbs in holding a bag of groceries.) Paige: What? What's going on? Piper: Oh, you know, nothing. Your boyfriend tried to kill my husband. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Continued from before.] Paige: I don't know what happened. I told Kyle you were an Avatar at breakfast. He seemed okay with it. Piper: Yeah, well, you should have warned us you were gonna tell him. Paige: I would have if I would have known what he was gonna do. Not that I can blame him. Leo: Excuse me? Paige: I mean, not the whole killing thing, obviously. But his parents were killed by the Avatars. Leo: The Avatars weren't responsible for that. Paige: How do you know? Were you there, Leo? Leo: No, I wasn't, but now that I'm an Avatar, I can tell you they wouldn't do that because it goes against everything they believe in. Paige: Well, Kyle thinks otherwise, and he happened to be there. Piper: Paige, in all fairness, he was only five years old. Who knows what really happened? Paige: Why don't you try to convince him of that? (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Talking about Kyle, I assume? I just called him looking for you. He gave me an earful. You okay? Leo: Yeah. Piper: Good thing Kyle is out of potions. Phoebe: It still doesn't solve his problem. And until somebody does... I would assume that you're not gonna go along with the Avatars, right? Paige: What do you have up your sleeve? Phoebe: Well, I was just thinking, remember how Leo sent you back to find out what really happened to your parents? Paige: Yeah. Piper: Well, maybe we could do the same thing for Kyle and help him move on. Paige: Okay, but what if Kyle sees that they really did kill his parents? Phoebe: Well, if that's the case, then we'll kill the Avatars and help him move on that way. The sooner we help Kyle find out the truth, the sooner we can all move on. Piper: Move on to what? Phoebe: The future the Avatars promised us. The one I saw in my vision. Piper: Okay, but Phoebe, we all didn't see that. Phoebe: Yes, but you could if you and I swap powers. Piper: What? Phoebe: It would just be for a little while. Just long enough for you to see the vision for yourself. I promise you, it's beautiful. Piper: Okay, look, if the Avatars are exonerated, and I see what Phoebe saw, then we'll talk about it. (Phoebe looks at Paige.) Paige: Fine, I'll talk too. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Zankou is standing in front of a fire pit, meditating. A group of demons stand nearby.] Laygan: Zankou, hi, sorry to disturb you. Zankou: What is it? Laygan: Well, we were just wondering, and I mean all of us, not just myself, when things were gonna move along. Seeing as how the Avatars are so close to wiping us off the face of the Earth and all. Zankou: The Avatars are not the problem. Laygan: Not the problem? Well, we unleashed you to save us from them, and now they're not the problem? I'm a little confused. Zankou: Would you like me to elaborate? Laygan: Yes, please. (Zankou hits him in the face and he falls into the group of demons.) Zankou: We can't stop the Avatars. We might be able to stop the Charmed Ones before they join forces with them. If we can do that... then the Avatars won't have the power they need in order to remake the world and eliminate us. Laygan: Destroying the Charmed Ones, it always sounds easy. Many have tried. No one's succeeded. Zankou: There's a first time for everything. Besides, I never had the opportunity to go up against them before. I sense... the chance is near. [Scene: Kyle's Apartment. Paige and Kyle are there.] Paige: Are you trying to get yourself killed? 'Cause, you know, that's what easily could have happened. Kyle: Yeah, it was a chance I had to take. You kill one Avatar, it weakens them all. They're connected. Paige: Kyle, you tried to kill Leo! Kyle: I don't care. Paige: I do, and if you actually cared about me, maybe you would too. Kyle: Now, see, don't lay that on me. Paige: Don't lay what on you? He's my brother-in-law. He matters to me. Kyle: Yeah, my parents mattered to me too! Paige: Okay. Even if the Avatars did kill them, Leo wasn't there. How can you even hold him responsible? Kyle: It was the only way I could get to 'em. Paige: So you would kill somebody who's innocent to exact revenge on whoever killed your parents. Gee, that makes you a whole lot better than those killers. Kyle: Look, I know who killed my parents. Paige: Do you? You sure? Kyle: I'm sure. Paige: You won't mind proving it? Kyle: What are you talking about? Paige: I'm talking about getting you past this, finding out who really did this. Are you interested? Kyle: Yeah. Paige: Good. Then you won't mind going on a little trip with me. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: I know the power switching spell is in here somewhere. We're used it before. Piper: Yeah, and if I remember correctly, didn't it bite us in the ass? (Phoebe gives her a look.) I'm just saying. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: All right. As long as Kyle is willing, the Avatars said they'd send him back to the past. Phoebe: They've got the easy part. They should try dealing with a stubborn sister in the present. Piper: So I'm having second thoughts, sue me. Phoebe: I'm telling you, it's well worth the risk for you to see what I saw. Imagine a future with no demons, a future where we're all free, where our kids get to grow up happy and have normal lives? I mean, it's what we're always dreamed of. Piper, it's what you've always dreamed of. Piper: And you got all that from one vision? Phoebe: Actually, I did. (Leo smiles at her.) Piper: What are you smiling at? Leo: Nothing. (Paige and Kyle walk in.) Paige: Okay, we're ready. Phoebe: Good, I'm glad. And you will be too. Kyle: We'll see. Leo: All right, let me explain how this is gonna work. Kyle: Hold it. He's doing this? Piper: Uh, yeah. Is there a problem? Kyle: Yeah. How do I know he and the Avatars aren't gonna change the past? Make it look like they want it to. Leo: We can't change the past. Nor would we want to. Besides, you'll know if it's been messed with. It's your past. Kyle: And I've got the word of an Avatar on this? No way. Paige: Kyle, please, we have to do this. It's the only way we're ever gonna find out the truth, right? Kyle: All right. What do I do? Leo: Close your eyes. (He does so.) Concentrate on the day. See it. Paige: How do we get back? Leo: He'll get back when he finds the truth. (Leo waves his hands and a vortex opens in the room. Paige and Kyle hold hands and are sucked into the vortex. The vortex disappears.) Piper: Now what? Phoebe: Now we work on you. [Cut to a subway. The vortex opens and Paige and Kyle walk out.] Paige: You okay? (They walk up the stairs.) Kyle: Yeah. Still not used to this time travel stuff. (He looks around.) Oh my god. (There are Christmas decorations tied up on buildings and lampposts.) Wait a minute, something's not right. Paige: What? What's not right? (Kyle steps onto the street and a car slams on his breaks.) Kyle: Come on! Driver: Hey, buddy, watch it, huh? Paige: Where are you going? (Kyle goes to a newsstand and picks up a paper.) Kyle: December 28th, 1981. Paige: Isn't that the date? Kyle: Yeah. This isn't where it happened. This isn't where they died. Paige: You sure? Kyle: Yeah, of course I'm sure. They died in a warehouse near JFK, at 7:52 at night. I checked the coroner's report. This is Columbia University. This is where they taught. Paige: Maybe we're starting here for another reason. Kyle: The Avatars want me to miss seeing it. That's not gonna happen. We need to get to the airport. Hey, taxi! (Paige notices an advertisement on the top of the taxi.) Paige: Cool, Raiders of the Lost Ark. I always wanted to see that. (Kyle walks off. Paige follows.) Christmas in New York, nothing like it, right? Kyle: I think it's the first one I remember. Paige: What'd you get for Christmas? Kyle: Uh, a bunch of books, snow globe, Rubik's Cube. Paige: You must have been a smart boy to handle that. Kyle: I like puzzles. Hey, taxi! (The taxi stops across the street. Kyle and Paige walk over to it. A woman gets out.) Woman: (to inside the car) Come on. (Kyle looks at her and she looks back at him. They recognise each other. The woman faints and Kyle catches her.) Boy: (from inside the car) Mum? Mummy. Kyle: It's okay, son. She's all right. She just fainted. You wanna get your jacket. Paige: Do you know who she is? Kyle: Yeah. That's my mum. (The boy gets out of the car.) Which makes him... Paige: You. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking through the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: Found it! You ready? Piper: Uh, what if Zankou shows up? What are we gonna do then? Phoebe: Well, then I blow him up. We'll still have our powers, just in different bodies. Piper: What if that doesn't work? What if we need Paige too? Phoebe: Why are you procrastinating? What are you afraid of? Piper: Honestly, a lot of things, actually. I mean, even if this works, we're still talking about remaking the world as we know it. And frankly, that makes me a little nervous. Phoebe: I promise you, you will not be nervous once you see what I saw. Trust me. Piper, Phoebe: "What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine, I offer up my gift to share, switch our powers through the air." (Magical lights rise out of them and swirl around. Zankou appears and powers up some energy balls. The girls dive for cover as he throws them. The magical lights fly out the window.) Phoebe: Uh-oh. [Cut to outside. One lot of magical lights fly over to a man sitting in a car and enters him. The other lot enters a woman standing in front of her house.] [Cut to the Attic.] Zankou: Where's the third one? Phoebe: Uh, you know what? We're not really sure. So why don't you just come back later, okay? Zankou: Nah. (Leo orbs in and zaps Zankou from behind. Zankou flames out.) Leo: What happened? Why didn't you fire back? Piper: Go ahead, tell him. Phoebe: We sort of lost our powers. [Scene: Manor. Piper, Phoebe and Leo are walking down the stairs.] Phoebe: Maybe we should try calling for our powers. Piper: We already tried that. Phoebe: Maybe we should try again. Leo: Piper, where are you going? Piper: The powers went out the window, didn't they? Leo: So you expect to find them laying around on the front lawn? Piper: Don't get smart with me, mister. This was not my idea. Phoebe: I said I was sorry. I was just trying to get you to see what I saw. Piper: And now I can see that we are going to die. I don't need your powers for that. Leo: Maybe you should try scrying for them. Piper: Why would that work? Leo: Because they're alive. They still exist somewhere. Phoebe: Somewhere? Somewhere, where, like in people? Leo: Two very surprised people. Piper: Oh, we gotta get Paige back here before Zankou attacks again. Leo: We can't. After they find out who killed Kyle's parents. Phoebe: How did he know to attack us right when we were about to switch powers? Leo: He must have sensed you were vulnerable. Phoebe: Now I know why the Source locked him up. Piper: You need to take the kids to Magic School right away. Leo: And leave you alone without powers? Piper: You have to, there's no other option. We'll call you if we need you. But you gotta get them out of here. (Leo orbs out.) And we need to find our powers. (They hear a noise outside. Piper opens the door and sees small explosions inside the house across the road.) I think I just found mine. Phoebe: I'm going to find my powers. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Zankou is there meditating in front of a fire pit.] Zankou: One of them's found her powers already, which means the other one will as well. Laygan: Does that mean we've missed our chance? Zankou: Not necessarily. Laygan: With all do respect, you said you knew when the Charmed Ones would be at their most vulnerable. Zankou: They were vulnerable. I sensed it. I just didn't anticipate the Elder coming to their rescue. Laygan: Maybe we should rethink things a little, maybe go after the Avatars instead. Zankou: With their powers we wouldn't stand a chance. Laygan: Some of us think we would. (Zankou throws energy balls at the group of demons standing near by, vanquishing them.) Zankou: Now they don't think that. Laygan: If you're still going after the witches, how do we get past the Elder? Zankou: By letting the other Elders know he's not really one of them anymore. [Scene: 1981. Columbia University. Paige, Kyle, Ruth and Young Kyle are there. Kyle hands Ruth a glass of water.] Ruth: Thank you. Young Kyle: Is my mum gonna be okay? Kyle: She's gonna be fine. Paige: Is there anyone we can call for you? Husband maybe? (Kyle's dad, Jack, walks in.) Jack: There's no need. He's right here. Hey. Kyle: Dad... (They give him a look.) Dad... is that your dad? Paige: Careful. Jack: What's wrong? A TA told me you're sick. Ruth: No, I'm fine. I had a fainting spell. Jack: Fainting spell? Ruth: I was so startled. He's the spitting image of my father. Paige: Crazy coincidences, right? Jack: Well, either way, thanks a lot for helping her out. I'm Jack, Jack Brody. (Kyle and Jack shake hands.) Paige: This is Kevin, Kevin Matthews, and I am Paige. And we're late for a movie. Jack: Oh, what are you gonna see? Kyle: Um... Paige: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Young Kyle: Cool. Can I go with? Ruth: No, you can't go with. You're too little. Kyle: Trust me, though. You're gonna love it. (The phone rings.) Jack: Oh, just give me a second. (Jack answers the phone.) Kyle: (to Young Kyle) You get this for Christmas? Young Kyle: Yep. Ruth: He loves reading about the Egyptian kings and queens. What's your favourite story, Kyle? Kyle, Little Kyle: The Mummy's Curse. Little Kyle: Owe me a soda. (Ruth gives him a look.) Kyle: I'm sure it's every kid's favourite story. My folks used to read it to me all the time. Ruth: Well, you have good parents. Kyle: Yeah. Paige: All right, then, Kevin, we should really be going. (Jack hangs up the phone.) Jack: We should too. That was customs. The manifest for the Cairo shipment is missing. They're gonna destroy the shipment unless we get down there and identify them. Ruth: They can't just destroy them. Jack: Apparently they can and will. So sorry to have to cut this short. Ruth: I hope we see you again soon. Kyle: Yeah, yeah, me too. Paige: Okay then, bye all. (Paige and Kyle leave the University.) Paige: What are you thinking? Kyle: I'm sorry, all right? I just thought it would be easier than this. Paige: You have to be careful. You can't risk changing the past. Kyle: Look, you said yourself that there's a reason why I came here first. Paige: That's not the reason. We came to see who killed them, not to save them. Kyle: All my life I just used to think that if I could just talk to my parents one more time, five minutes, even that would be enough. I don't know, I don't think I can just sit back and watch my parents die. Paige: You don't have a choice. We can't change the past. [Scene: Outside an apartment building. A woman is up on the balcony throwing clothes over to a man on the street.] Man: Oh, no, honey. No, don't. I... Look, baby, you gotta believe me. I did not hire a private eye to follow you. Woman: Liar! Man: Honey, you gotta believe me. (Phoebe pulls up in her car.) Wait, I'm the liar? You're the one having the affairs! Woman: Well, how did you know about them, huh? Man: I told you already. I don't know how. I just... I just saw it in my head. Woman: Well, now you can see your ass outta my life! Man: You're the one screwing around! (The man gets a premonition.) Phil? You slept with Phil too? (Phoebe walks up to him.) Oh my god, what is happening to me? Phoebe: I think I can explain. Man: Who are you? Phoebe: It doesn't matter. But I do know you've been seeing certain things, right, things that you can't explain? Man: Oh, no, no, no. Don't tell me you're sleeping with her too. Phoebe: No, of course not. I'm just here to help you. Man: Look, lady, no offence, but I don't think you can help me, okay? Oh, no, no, not the bowling trophy! (The woman throws the trophy over the balcony.) You broke my... (He gets another premonition.) Who the hell are you? Phoebe: Short version, I'm a witch. And you have my power of premonition. And if you don't come with me, you're probably gonna get killed by a demon. Got it? [Scene: On top of the Golden Gate Bridge. Zankou and two Elders are there. Zankou touches the air in front of him and his fingers spark.] Zankou: What's the matter? Don't trust me? Kheel: You said you had some information about the Avatars. We're listening. Zankou: Actually, I said I have information about one of the Avatars. A very special one. Sandra: He doesn't know anything. Let's go. Zankou: You know him actually. Very well too. Kheel: All right, who is it? Zankou: I believe his name is... Leo. Ring any Elder bells? Kheel: He's not an Avatar. Zankou: Sure, he is. He just doesn't want you to know it. Probably because he's planning on betraying you. But then again, I'm not one to gossip. I'm sure if you look back at it, it has to make a lot of sense, doesn't it? Kheel: You have any proof? Zankou: I saw his powers. More to the point, I... felt his powers. They made yours seem feeble. Sandra: Why are you telling us this now? What do you hope to gain? Zankou: My life... and those of my fellow demons. You see, the one thing you and I have in common is the Avatar's threat. If they come to power, you will be out, and we will be gone. On the other hand, if you can deal with your little traitor... we might yet be able to save ourselves. Tick, tock. (Zankou flames out.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and the woman who has her power, Denise, is there.] Denise: Demons? What do you mean, demons? You mean they actually exist? Piper: Yes, Denise, they do, so I need my powers... Denise: Stay away from me! (She blows something up.) Why does that keep happening? Piper: It won't, if you just calm down a little and let me help you. Denise: Wait. You guys fight demons here all the time, don't you? Piper: Pretty much, why? Denise: See, I always thought that you threw wild parties, you know, things breaking, people screaming. I had no idea. Piper: Well, at least now you know why we never invited you. (Phoebe and the man who has her power walks in.) Phoebe: Found my... (Denise gasps and freezes them.) Piper: See, that's that other little power I was telling you about. Okay, so small gesture here. Nothing too hard. Don't wanna blow up the sister, okay? (Denise waves her hand a little bit and they unfreeze.) Phoebe: Power. Frozen? Piper: Yeah. Phoebe: Hi, I'm Phoebe, and you're... Denise: Really scared. Piper: Yeah, really, don't startle her. Ronnie: Ladies, what do you say we cut the chitchat and just fix this? Phoebe: You got it, Ronnie, let's do it. Denise: Wait, what exactly are you gonna do? Phoebe: Oh, just a little spell. You'll say it, we'll say it, everything should be back to normal. Piper: And then you can go home and never tell anyone ever, ever, ever about this, okay? Sounds good, huh? Phoebe: Gather around. Ronnie: Hold on, wait, wait, wait. What if say you wanted to use powers for something besides fighting demons? Like, uh, winning the lottery? Phoebe: No, my premonitions are bigger than that. Ronnie: What's bigger than winning the lottery? Denise: How about getting back at people who were really mean to you? Ever do that? Piper: No, no, 'cause that's under the category of personal gain and with the risk of exposure, those are really bad things in the witch world. Phoebe: Time's a-wastin'. Denise: No, no, no, I'm talking really mean. Like an ex-husband who clears out your savings account, runs off with his secretary and leaves you mortgaged to the hilt. Ronnie: You guys could get rich and get revenge on whoever you wanted. Phoebe: No, we couldn't. Denise: I don't believe you. Ronnie: Yeah, me neither. What do you say we get rich? Denise: Okay. Only if we can blow up my ex-husband afterwards. Ronnie: Sure. Phoebe: No, no. That would be personal gain and exposure, not to mention murder. (Ronnie and Denise head for the door.) Piper: Hey, you can't leave! (Denise freezes them. They chuckle.) Ronnie: Oh, I think this is gonna be a lot of fun. (They leave.) [Scene: 1981. Airport. Loading Dock. Paige and Kyle are hiding behind some boxes. Jack, Ruth and Young Kyle walk in. A worker unpacks a box.] Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're gonna want to be extra careful with that one. Ruth: (to Young Kyle) Honey, this is gonna take a while. You want to go get a drink? Young Kyle: Mm-mmm. Ruth: No? (They open a wooden box and inside are the Avatar potions.) Agent: What's in these things? Jack: Well, I honestly don't know, but I can tell you what I think is in them. Kyle: (to Paige) They thought it was some sort of Egyptian healing balm. I went through the journals. They didn't know what they had unearthed, what it could do. They were completely innocent. Paige: So why did the Avatars kill them? Kyle: Because they knew what it could do. Paige: Are there any other vials? Kyle: No. They all got destroyed. Paige: When? Kyle: You'll see. (Young Kyle sees them.) Young Kyle: What are you guys doing here? Paige: Oh, actually, we're... Kyle: Can you keep a secret? (Young Kyle nods.) You know those imaginary friends of yours, the ones that watch over you? Young Kyle: How do you know about them? Kyle: How do you think we know? Young Kyle: Because you're them? Kyle: That's right. Here. (He sits Young Kyle on a barrel.) Now you got your own throne, just like King Tut. Paige: Can I talk to you for a second? (Paige and Kyle move away from him.) Don't you realise everything you say to him can change your past? Kyle: I'm not saying anything to him that he doesn't already know. Trust me. Paige: You can't keep him from going through this. Everything that you've gone through, your parents death, has made you who you are today. Don't you see that? He has to go through it. Otherwise, you won't. Ruth: Kyle? Where are you? Kyle: You better go. Young Kyle: Will you still be here? Kyle: Yeah. Go on, get outta here. Ruth: Honey? (Young Kyle runs off.) There you are. Want to go get that soda now? [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are still frozen. Leo orbs in.] Leo: Piper? Phoebe? (They unfreeze.) Piper: Where'd they go? Phoebe: Hey. Leo: Where'd who go? Piper: Uh-oh. Phoebe: They froze us again. Piper: Apparently took off with out powers. Leo: Why didn't you stop them? Piper: Well, it's a little tough to do when you're frozen. Leo: Well, didn't you explain the risks? Demons, personal gain? Phoebe: Yeah. The demons, they were afraid of. Personal gain, not so much. Leo: Well, you need to find them. Piper: Yeah, thanks. Phoebe: Although, without our powers, I don't know how we'll convince them to give them back. (Phoebe starts scrying.) Piper: Well, we'll jump off that bridge when we get to it. (The Elders call Leo.) The Elders? Leo: Yeah, I don't know what they want. Piper: Do you think it's about Zankou? Leo: Could be. Or the Avatars. I'll be right back. (He orbs out. The crystal points to a place on the map but outside the San Francisco area.) Phoebe: Whoa, that's weird. That's never happened before. (Piper turns over the map.) Piper: Lake Tahoe? [Scene: A Casino. Ronnie and Denise are playing Craps and winning.] Stickman: We have another winner! (Everyone cheers. A waitress brings Ronnie a drink. He hands it to Denise.) Ronnie: Here you go, babe. (to waitress) Keep 'em coming. I feel kind of bad we haven't had a chance to blow up your ex yet. Denise: Oh, that's okay. We can do it tomorrow. Ronnie: All right. (He picks up the dice and gets a premonition of the results of the next roll.) Ten thousand dollar hard eight. Yo, stickman, give me the horn. Stickman: You got it. (Ronnie throws the dice.) Eight the hard way! (Everyone cheers. Piper and Phoebe show up.) Piper: All right, that was your last roll, Diamond Jim. Denise: What are you doing here? Piper: Come on, let's go. Fun is over. Ronnie: Fun's just getting started. Unless you want Denise here to put the whammy on you again. Piper: She wouldn't dare, not in front of these people. Denise: Wanna try me? Piper: Oh, sure, now she's fearless. Phoebe: Okay, I'll make you a deal. You try to get one more premonition, then afterwards, if you don't want to come with us, you can have our powers. Piper: Uh, Phoebe... Phoebe: I know what I'm doing. What do you say? Ronnie: Will it win me a bunch more money? Phoebe: Not a cent. But I guarantee you what you see will offer you more than this casino. (They walk into a back room.) Okay, I need you to close your eyes and clear your head. Piper: What are you gonna do? Phoebe: I'm gonna try to get him to see what I've been trying to get you to see. Piper: How the hell are you gonna do that with no powers? Phoebe: I saw it, didn't I? Okay, give me your hand. I'm gonna walk you through this, okay? (He holds her hands.) Close your eyes and picture an elementary school... outside, lots of happy kids. Can you see it? (Ronnie receives the premonition.) Ronnie: Aunt Phoebe? Phoebe: Yeah, that's it. Stay with it. There's Wyatt and Chris and a little girl. Denise: What's he seeing? Piper: Believe me, I wish I knew. Ronnie: Is that real? Phoebe: It can be... if we get our powers back. (He smiles and nods.) [Scene: Top of the Golden Gate Bridge. Leo and five Elders are there.] Kheel: All right, Leo, for the last time, are you or are you not an Avatar? Leo: I'm just someone who wants peace. Isn't that what you want too? Sandra: Please, Leo, the truth! Leo: All right. Yes, I'm an Avatar. But they're not a threat. They seek what we seek. Kheel: What, the destruction of everything we hold dear? Leo: No, a world without good and evil. Without conflict. Sandra: It's not possible. Leo: It is if we have the courage to change, to evolve. Kheel: Evolution takes centuries. Millennia, even. It cannot happen overnight. It must be earned. Leo: I think we've earned it. Sandra: We can't let you go through with this, Leo. Leo: I already have. Kheel: So be it. (Kheel nods and a female Elder shoots electricity at Leo. He's not really affected. They then all shoot electricity at him and he falls backward. He groans in pain as they continue to electrocute him. They stop, a little confused.) How'd you... You should be dead. Leo: I would have been if I were still an Elder. Face it. The fate of the world is no longer in your hands. (The Elders orb out.) [Scene: Manor. Piper, Phoebe, Ronnie and Denise walk in through the front door.] Phoebe: We'll get the spell. (Zankou walks out of the living room.) Zankou: I wouldn't bother with that if I were you. Piper: Leo! Zankou: I wouldn't bother with him either. Something tells me he's not coming to your rescue this time. (He throws an energy ball at them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Continued from before. The energy balls heads directly for them and they duck.] Denise: We're gonna die! Piper: No, no, you're gonna be fine. Remember what I told you. (Zankou continues throwing energy balls.) Ronnie: (to Phoebe) He's bad. Phoebe: Yes. You should be able to sense the next energy... Ronnie: Get down! (Phoebe and Ronnie duck.) Phoebe: That was very good. Ronnie: Thank you. (Zankou goes to throw an energy ball at Piper. Denise tries to blow him up but only causes a little blast, but enough to knock him down.) Piper: Nice job. Denise: Did I kill him? Piper: Not quite. But we'll take what we can get. Leo! (Zankou groans.) Zankou: Leo is still alive. Looks like the Avatar is more powerful than I thought. Which means we're all in trouble. (Zankou flames out. Leo orbs in. His clothes are all torn.) Leo: You guys all right? Phoebe: Yeah, thanks to these two. Piper: You on the other hand... Leo: I'll be fine. Piper: What happened to you? I thought you went to see the Elders. Leo: I did. We need to talk. [Scene: 1981. Airport Warehouse. Paige and Kyle are hiding behind some boxes. Jack and Ruth are examining some items. Kyle looks at the clock. It's 7:52.] Kyle: It's time. (A fireball hits the customs officer who is holding the box of Avatar potions. The potions drop on the floor and break. A demon is standing near by. Two more smoke in.) Demons. (One demon stabs Ruth in the chest.) Jack: Ruth! No! (The other demon stabs Jack from behind. Another customs officer pulls out his gun and shoots at the first demon. The demon throws a fireball at him.) Demon #1: We needed those potions. Demon #2: I told you we should have waited. Demon #3: How will we protect ourselves? Demon #1: We won't. (They smoke out. Paige and Kyle come out from behind the boxes.) Paige: I'm so sorry. I had no idea. Kyle: Neither did I. I never really saw what happened. I thought I did, but I just assumed it was the Avatars because of the vials. Paige: At least now we know it wasn't them. Kyle: It doesn't help. (Young Kyle walks in.) Young Kyle: Mum? Dad? (He sees his parents on the ground and runs over to them.) Daddy! Daddy. No, please. (He sees a vial in his dad's hand and takes it. Kyle kneels beside Young Kyle.) Kyle: Kyle, look at me. Kyle. You're gonna be okay. We're gonna get through this, all right? Promise. (They hug.) Paige: We have to go. (Kyle sees an unbroken vial laying on the ground near by.) [Scene: Manor. Piper and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is sweeping. Piper blows up a lamp.] Phoebe: Hey, do you mind? Piper: Sorry, just checking. Phoebe: Oh, it's okay. I never liked that lamp anyway. Piper: I don't know how much good having our powers back is gonna do anyway. They didn't phase Zankou. Phoebe: Zankou. How do they come up with these names? Piper: After all these years, you ask now? Well, at least Denise and Ronnie get to go back to their normal lives. Phoebe: Did Leo use the memory dust on them? Piper: Yeah. Although, it's kind of a shame considering everything they went through. I mean, Ronnie got to see a better future. Phoebe: Yeah. Too bad you didn't get to see the future that Ronnie saw. Piper: I don't think I need to. I mean, I saw how just one glimpse changed that man forever. And the fact that the Avatars aren't killers helps a bit. That's enough for me. Phoebe: Really? Piper: It's worth a shot. It's gotta be better than cleaning up after demons all the time. (Paige walks down the stairs.) Paige: I agree. I've been thinking about it, and I'm ready to try too. Because I'm tired of all of... this. Phoebe: How's Kyle doing? Paige: He's pretty devastated, you know. But I think eventually he'll be okay. I mean, you have to be. It's Utopia, right? [Scene: Kyle's Apartment. Kyle opens a metal case. He pulls out an Avatar vanquishing potion from his jacket and puts it in the case.]
Plan: A: Piper; Q: Who agrees to switch powers with Phoebe? A: a Utopian world; Q: What does Phoebe see that convinces Piper? A: the spell; Q: What does Zankou attack during? A: their vulnerability; Q: What does Zankou sense about Piper and Phoebe? A: Denise; Q: Who blasts Zankou? A: Anne Dudek; Q: Who plays Denise? A: ( Brian Howe; Q: Who is Ronny? A: Paige; Q: Who shows Kyle that his parents were not killed by the Avatars? A: Jon Hamm; Q: Who played Jack Brody? A: Jessica Steen; Q: Who played Kyle's mother in the movie? A: demons; Q: Who killed Kyle's parents? A: the anti-Avatar potions; Q: What were Jack and Ruth Brody seeking? A: their new powers; Q: What do Denise and Ronny refuse to give back? A: big money; Q: What do Denise and Ronny want to win? A: Nevada; Q: Where do Denise and Ronny go to gamble? A: the Elders; Q: Who tries to kill Leo? A: Kira; Q: Who gave Phoebe a vision of Utopia? A: There, Zankou attacks; Q: What happens when the Avatars return home to switch powers back? A: leaves; Q: What happens to Zankou after he senses that Leo is still alive? Summary: Still not completely sure that the Avatars mean well, Piper agrees to switch powers with Phoebe so that she too can see Phoebe's premonition of a Utopian world. During the spell, Zankou senses their vulnerability and attacks them, accidentally transferring their powers to innocent bystanders, Denise ( Anne Dudek ) and Ronny ( Brian Howe ). Paige shows Kyle that his parents, Jack and Ruth Brody ( Jon Hamm and Jessica Steen ) were not in fact killed by the Avatars, but by demons seeking the anti-Avatar potions. Meanwhile, Denise and Ronny who have gained Piper and Phoebe's powers refuse to co-operate in giving back their new powers. Instead they decide that they'll use their powers to get back at Denise's cheating ex-husband, and win big money. With this plan they head off to gamble in Nevada refusing to obey what's asked of them. Later, Zankou outs Leo to the Elders who confront him, and he admits he is an Avatar, which leads to the Elders trying to kill Leo but fail. Meanwhile, Phoebe convinces Ronny by showing the vision of Utopia given to her by Kira and they return home to switch powers back. There, Zankou attacks, but leaves after Denise blasts him and he senses that Leo is still alive.
[SCENE: Central Perk. Alice (last seen in TOW the Hypnosis tape, the teacher who was going to marry Frank Jr.), Frank Jr., and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is examining Alice's ring.] Phoebe: My little brother is married! Frank Jr: I know! Alice: (squeals happily) Phoebe: You guys, why didn't you tell me you were eloping? Frank Jr: Well, what happened was, we were at the courthouse, and we were having lunch... Phoebe: Wait, wait. Why were you at the courthouse? Frank Jr: We were having lunch. Yeah, and then, all of a sudden, we were like, "We're here, we're having lunch, let's get married, right!" Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didn't even know I had a brother. Now I have a sister too! [They all laugh and have a group hug. As they break away from the hug, Alice and Frank Jr. have a passionate kiss. Phoebe just watches them.] Phoebe: Okay. Okay. Stop it. Don't! [Frank Jr. and Alice stop kissing.] Alice: Oh. [fanning herself] Phoebe: So, ooh, I'm going to get you a gift now. Is there anything you need? Frank Jr: Uh, yeah. Alice: We've been trying to get pregnant, uh, pretty much ever since we got engaged. We thought we'd get a jump on things. You know, no one's getting any younger. [laughs] Frank Jr: 'cause the thing is, uh, we're not able to, you know, uh, conceive, you know. Alice: We've tried everything; we've seen a bunch of doctors. Frank Jr: Yeah, and they say, they say that our only chance to have a baby is if they take my sperm, her egg, and put it together in a dish, and then put it into another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into. [Phoebe just stares at them for a moment with a bewildered smile on her face.] Phoebe: That's a really *nice* gift. I was thinking of, like, a gravy boat. OPENING CREDITS [SCENE: Monica's apartment. Chandler, Monica and Rachel are playing cards around the living room table. Joey and Ross enter.] Joey: Check it out! Check it out! Guess what job I got? [smoothes the blue blazer he's wearing and has a big grin on his face] Chandler: I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black. [stops] Ross: What? Chandler: Blue blazer *back*. He, he wants it *back*. Rachel: Well you said *black*. Why would he want his blue blazer black? Chandler: Well, you, you know what I meant. Monica: No, you've messed it up. You're stupid. Chandler: [Chandler glares at her and then changes the subject.] So what job did you get Joe? Joey: Oh, tour guide at the Museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me. Rachel: Don't you have to be a dinosaur expert or something? Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information. It's like memorizing a script. [demonstrates] "And on your left, you have Tyrannsoarus rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period." Chandler, Monica and Rachel: [nodding appreciatively] Nice, all right, yeah! Ross: Uh, actually Joey, it's the Cretaceous period. Joey: Yeah, but I can pronounce "Jurassic". [Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Hey! All: Hey! Phoebe: Guess what? Frank Jr. and Alice got married. All: Wow, that's great! [they all get up and go to the kitchen near Phoebe.] Phoebe: And they're going to have a baby! All: Wow, that's great! Phoebe: Yeah! And they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. All: [shocked. They all silently stare at Phoebe] Ross: Oh my God. Monica: Are you serious? Phoebe: Yeah. Joey: [disgustedly] You're really thinking of having s*x with your brother? All: [look at Joey] Phoebe: Eww! And no, no! They want me to be the surrogate. It's her egg and his sperm. I'm just the oven. It's totally their bun. Joey: Oh. Monica: What did you tell them? Phoebe: Well, they said I had to think about it first. But what is there to think of? I'm going to be giving someone the greatest gift you can possibly give. Chandler: You're going to carry their child and get them a Sony Play Station? Rachel: Honey, this is really an incredible thing to do for them but there are things to think about. Monica: Yeah, I mean you'd be pregnant. I mean, pregnant. Phoebe: I know. Ross: Pheebs, you're talking about putting your body through an awful lot. I mean, morning sickness, uh, labour. And it's all for somebody else. Phoebe: Yeah, what's your point? [goes to sit on the couch] Ross: The stuff I just mentioned. Rachel: Wow, I don't know if I could ever do that. You know, I always figured the first time I had a baby, it would be with someone I love and that baby would be like, a keeper. Phoebe: You know, you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture. Joey: Pheebs, listen, if you decide to do this, we'll be supportive like crazy. All: Yeah. Monica: We just want you to think it through. Rachel: Why don't you talk to someone who's had a baby. Like your mom. Phoebe: My mom never gave birth. Oh, but my birth mom did! [SCENE: Central Perk. Chandler and Kathy are kissing by the front doors. Rachel, Monica and Ross are watching them from the couches.] Kathy: [grabbing his tushie] Mmmm, I love this tushie. Can I take it to work with me? Chandler: Oh, yeah, sure. It's not mine anyway. It came with the pants. Kathy: Oh! [kisses him again and then leaves] [Chandler struts to the couches as they all watch him] Rachel: I am so jealous. You guys are just, really, right *there*, aren't you? Chandler: Yes. Right where? Monica: In the beginning, you know, where it's all s*x and talking and s*x and talking... Chandler: Yeah, you've, you've got to love the talking. [Monica and Rachel look at him.] Monica: And the s*x? Chandler: Oh, we haven't had s*x yet. Okay, but what's the big deal, you know? This is special, and I want our love to grow, before we move to the next level. [Monica and Rachel look at him with newfound respect.] Rachel: Chandler, that is so nice. Ross: Yeah, that is nice......lying!! No way is that the reason. Rachel: Why, just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that? Chandler: No, he's right, I'm totally lying. [Ross gives Rachel a smug, "I told you so" look. Rachel glares at him and gives him that 2-fisted gesture from Episode 405 (TOW Joey's New Girlfriend) that represents the finger. Ross, in turn, looks shocked.] Monica: Then what is it? Chandler: Well, Kathy's last girlfriend was Joey. Ross: And you're afraid you won't be able to *fill his shoes*. [grins] Chandler: No, I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him. Ross: [stops grinning] Yeah, I was going for the metaphor. Chandler: Yes and I was saying the actual words. [Monica and Rachel have been trying not to laugh during this exchange.] Monica: Big deal, so Joey's had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's good in bed. Chandler: We share a wall. So either he's great in bed or she just liked to agree with him a lot. Monica: Sweetie, with you it's going to be different. The s*x is going to be great 'cause you guys are in love. Chandler: Yeah? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: Just go for it Chandler. Monica and Rachel: Yeah, you should. Chandler: [gets up to leave] All right, all right, I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys. [leaves] [SCENE: Museum of Natural History. Joey is giving a tour to a bunch of school kids.] Joey: [gesturing to what I'm presuming is the Mastadon] Okay, now the Mastadon is from the semi-late Jurassic period. Kid: Isn't the Mastadon from the Pliocene Epoch? Joey: [looks nervous] Shhhh. This is a museum. No talking. [moves group along and gestures to a three legged foot] Okay, now right down here we have, uh... a large foot. [the same kid is about to say something but Joey warns him not to say anything by pointing at him. Joey looks to his right and sees Ross, in a large glass display, working with his back to the group.] Uh, and and over here we have Ross Geller. [He knocks on the glass and Ross turns around.] Everyone wave hi to Ross. [all the kids wave] Ross is one of our most important scientists. Look at him hard at work. Ross: [waves back and takes something (a piece of chalk?) from his hand and pretends to make it disappear in his ear. He then makes it appear from his mouth.] Joey: Okay, moving right along. [moves group away] Come on. [SCENE: Phoebe's mother's house. Phoebe's mother (hereby referred to as "Mom") is working on some pottery when there's a knock on the door.] Mom: It's open, come in. Phoebe: [enters] Hi. Mom: Hi. Phoebe: Sorry I'm late. Mom: Oh, that's okay. It gave me time to, uh, finish glazing my nipples. Phoebe: Wow, you really go all out for company. Mom: No, I was working on my pottery. Phoebe: Oh, OH! Oh, I didn't know you did...pot. Mom: Y-yeah. Mostly nudes. It combines my two passions, pottery and erotica. Phoebe: Oh, ooh! Erotery! Mom: Hey! Okay! [gives her a hug] Well, thanks for coming out to see me. I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Phoebe: Okay. [they both sit on the couch] Mom: [sighs] I really don't think it's a very good idea Phoebe. Phoebe: Why not? Mom: Well, because, you'd be giving up a baby. And, uh, I don't know if there's anything I can say that can make you understand the pain of giving up a baby, so, um... [reaches into a large cardboard box next to her and brings out an adorable puppy.] Phoebe: [gasps] Oh, I understand. Don't, don't hurt the puppy. Mom: No no, the puppy is for you. [hands her the puppy] Phoebe: Oh, I get a puppy? Mom: Well, yeah. But, only for three days. Phoebe: Why? [the puppy starts wriggling in her arms and she plays with him] Mom: Well, you know, I realize that I don't have any right to start getting all parenty on you and everything, but, um, [Phoebe is clearly not listening, only playing around with the puppy] er, .. Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, it's very important. Phoebe: Okay. [puts the puppy in her lap and tries not to play with it.] Mom: I mean, I know what I'm talking about. I gave up two babies. And I only wish that I had someone there who had given up babies who could have told me how terrible it is to give up a babies. Phoebe: [sighs softly] Mom: I just think it would be something that you would regret every day for the rest of your life. [reaches over to pet the puppy] So, however hard it is for you to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. Phoebe: [playing with puppy again] Mom: I really shouldn't have given you the puppy first. Phoebe: All right, it's okay. [SCENE: Museum cafeteria. There are three tables. Joey is sitting at an end table with 2 other guys wearing the same blue blazer. The table in the middle is empty. The table on the other side is filled with guys in white coats.] [A girl (Rhonda) with a blue blazer enters the cafeteria and starts to sit down next to Joey.] Joey: Oh, uh, would you mind sitting here? [gesturing across from him] I'm saving this seat for my friend Ross. Rhonda: You mean Dr. Geller? Joey: Doctor? I didn't know he had a nickname. Rhonda: Oh, he won't sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit over there [gesturing to the other end table] and only the people with the blue blazers sit over here. Joey: Well, uh, how come? Rhonda: That's just the way it is. Joey: That's crazy. Rhonda: Maybe it's crazy in a perfect world -- a world without lab coats or blazers. But you not in a perfect world. You in a museum now. [looks behind her] See that scientist with the glasses? [Joey looks at him] He and I used to play together all the time in grade school. Hmph, but now... [turns around and yells] PETER! HEY PETER! [the scientist looks nervously at her but doesn't respond] IT'S ME RHONDA, FROM P.S. 129. I SHARED MY PUDDING WITH YOU, MAN! I GAVE YOU MY SNACK PACK! [turns around back to Joey] See, he pretend he [turns back to the scientist] DON'T EVEN HEAR ME. Joey: I, I think everybody's pretending they don't hear you. Look, I don't know about you and your jackets and your separate tables but Ross is one of my best friends. If I save him a seat, I'm telling you, he will sit in it. [Ross enters the cafeteria wearing his white lab coat and goes to the table with the other scientists.] Joey: Ross, Ross, over here man. [gestures beside him] I saved you a seat. Ross: [puts his tray on the table with the other scientists. He looks at the scientists and then at Joey.] That's okay, I'm cool over here. I'll catch up with you later. [Rhonda looks knowingly at Joey. Another girl in a green shirt comes to sit in what was Ross's saved seat.] Rhonda: Oops, this is saved. [Rhonda shoos the girl away. The girl goes to the middle table. Joey looks questioningly at Rhonda.] Rhonda: Gift shop. [SCENE_BREAK] [SCENE: Monica's living room. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Joey is eating at the kitchen table.] Ross: [enters] Hey. (to Joey) Listen, I'm really really sorry about what happened today in the cafeteria. Joey: It's no big deal you know. You do what you gotta do, right? Ross: It's not just me. The scientists and the tour guides *never* sit together. Joey: [looks at him for a second and then gets up to throw his garbage away.] Whatever. Ross: It's like that everywhere Joey. Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work, the waiters eat with the other waiters and the chefs eat with the other chefs, right? Monica: I eat by myself in the alley because everybody hates me. [Rachel puts her arm consolingly around Monica] Joey: Look, Ross, really, it's no big deal. You know, you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we can't be friends at work, then, so be it. I understand. When I'm in a play and you're in the audience, I don't talk to you, right? So, you know, it's cool. I'll see you tomorrow. [leaves] Rachel: Yeah, when we're in the audience, he doesn't talk to us, but he does wave. [SCENE: Later, in Monica's apartment. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is holding the dog and is humming "Rock a Bye Babie."] Chandler: [enters] Hey. Why's Phoebe singing to Karl Malden? Phoebe: Oh, you know what? I think it's time for the puppy to go out again. Come on, let's go on the balcony. [gets up with puppy] Monica: What? Phoebe: Uh, the street. Come on, let's go to the street. [to everyone] Oh, listen, don't go on the balcony until I get back. [leaves] Monica: [to Chandler] So, did you do it? Chandler: [dejectedly] Yes, yes, we had the s*x. Monica: Uh-oh, was it bad? Chandler: It was fine, you know, but she didn't agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey. She was more like, uh, "Oh, I see your point. I'm all right with it." Monica: Well, it was the first time. You know, there's not always a lot of agreement on the first time. Rachel: Yeah, not for girls anyway. Guys agree [snaps her fingers] like that. Chandler: Look, you have to help me, okay? I mean, I know what to do with a woman. I know where everything goes. It's always...nice. But I need to know what makes it go from "nice" to "My God, somebody's killing her in there!" Monica: All right, I'm going to show you something a lot of guys don't know. Rach, hand me that pad over there. [Rach gets a pad and pen off the table and hands it to Monica.] All right. Now...[starts to draw] Chandler: You don't have to draw an actual wo -- [looks at Monica's drawing] Woah, she' hot. Monica: Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. You got, [starts labelling her diagram] one, two, three, [Chandler nods impatiently], four [now Chandle looks up, surprised], five, six, and seven. Chandler: [shocked] There are seven? Rachel: Let me see that. [looks at the drawing] Oh yeah. Chandler: [points to diagram] That's one? Monica: [chuckles] Kind of an important one. Chandler: Oh, you know what, I was looking at it upside down. Rachel: Well, you know, sometimes that helps. Monica: Okay, now, most guys will hit one, two, and three and then go to seven and set up camp. Chandler: And that's bad? Rachel: Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn. Chandler: Well you might if it were anything like seven. Monica: All right, uh the important thing is to take your time. You want to hit them all and you want to mix them up. You got to keep them on their toes. Rachel: Oh, TOES!! [raises hands in air. They both look at her.] Yeah, for some people. Monica: Okay, you could, uh, start with a little one; a two; a one, two, three; a three; a five; a four, a three-two; a two, a two-four-six; [Monica starts to get into it ] two-four-six; four [Rachel kind of moves back and stretches out] a two; [Monica now has her eyes closed and is getting visibly excited] two; four-seven; five-seven [Chandler looks away from both of them as if he can't believe what's happening]; six-seven; seven, seven, [faster] SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN-SEVEN-SEVEN-SEVEN-[Chandler looks at her in disbelief] SEVEN-SEVEN! [Monica, eyes still closed, leans back and shudders and says silently, while holding up seven fingers, "seven".] [SCENE_BREAK] [SCENE: Museum cafeteria. Once again, the scientists and tour guides are segregated. Joey is eating with the other tour guides. Ross enters and slowly walks towards his usual scientist table. For simplicity, I'll refer to the various people as Scientists or Tour Guides.] Scientist #1: Dr. Geller, there's a seat over here. [gesturing across from him] Ross: Thank you Dr. Phillips, but I'm having my lunch at this table [puts tray down on middle table] in the middle. I'm having my lunch right here with my good friend Joey, if he'll sit with me. Joey: [gets up, tray in hand, and walks to the middle table] I will sit with you Dr. Geller. [he puts his tray down on the table and Ross and Joey shake hands.] Ross: You know, we work in the Museum of Natural History, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and you know what I see? I see division. Division between people with white coats and people in blue blazers. And I ask, myself, my God, WHY? Now I say, we shed these coats that separate us and get to know the people underneath. [He whips off his lab coat and throws it on the floor.] I'm Ross. I'm divorced, and I have a kid. Joey: [stands up, whips coat off and throws it on the floor vehemently] I'm Joey. I'm an actor. I don't know squat about dinosaurs. Tour Guide #1: [stands up from tour guide table and takes blazer off] I'm Ted, and I just moved here a month ago, and New York really scares me. Ross: All right, there you go. Joey: You hang in there Ted! Scientist #1: [gets up from scientist table and removes lab coat] I'm Andrew, and I didn't pay for this pear [holds up pear from lunch tray] Ross: Okay, okay, good for you. Tour Guide #2: [gets up and removes blazer] I'm Rhonda, and these [gestures to her breasts] aren't real! [Joey and Ross look stunned.] Ross: [stammering] oh, uh, er, Wow, Rhonda. Scientist #2: [stands up and removes labcoat] I'm Scott. Ross: Ah, okay Scott! Scott: I have to turn the light switch on and off 17 times before leaving a room or my family will die. [SCENE: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are on the couch. Phoebe is holding the puppy.] Phoebe: My mom's going to be here any minute. I can't do this, I can't give him up. Rachel: [sadly] Oh. Phoebe: Yes, no, I can. I don't want to. But I can. No. Rachel: [looking away] Oh, I can't watch this. It's like "Sophie's Choice." Monica: You know, I never saw that. Rachel: Oh, it was only okay. Phoebe: [groans] My mom was right. If I can't give *him* up, there's no way I can give up a little baby. Frank and Alice are going to be so crushed. What, what else can I give them? A kidney? [Frank Jr. and Alice enter] Alice: Hi! All: Hi. Alice: We were just in the neighbourhood, so... Frank Jr: So we thought we'd stop by and let you know there's still no pressure. Alice: None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, we're just going to be right over there drinking coffee. Phoebe: Okay. Frank Jr: [seeing the puppy] Who is this little guy? [picks up puppy] Oh, he's so cute, he reminds me of my old dog, Tumor. [plays with puppy] Alice: You are so precious, I could just take you home. Phoebe: Hey, why don't you? Frank Jr: Are you serious? Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah! Frank Jr: Oh, thanks. Monica: What are you doing? Phoebe: No, I'm really okay with this. You know why? Cause look at them. [Frank Jr. and Alice are laughing and playing with the puppy.] Look how happy there are. And I made that. I know it's going to be like a million times harder to give up a baby but oh my God! It's going to feel like a million times better, right? [Rachel and Monica look at her; both are teary] [to Frank Jr. and Alice] I want to do this. I want to carry your baby. Alice: Oh! Oh! Thank you so much. You don't know what this means to us. [hugs Phoebe] Frank Jr: Oh my God, I think I'm gonna cry. [hugs Phoebe] Oh my God. Monica: [to Phoebe] It's going to be so great. Phoebe: Uh-huh. [Phoebe's mom enters] Mom: What's going on? Phoebe: Oh, I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided I'm going to carry their baby. Mom: [looks alarmed] Phoebe... Phoebe: No, no, I know. You and I are totally different people. And this is a totally different situation. And I know that I'm not going to regret this. Mom: No, I know. I understand all that. It's just...that was my puppy. Phobe: Oh! CLOSING CREDITS [SCENE: Monica's kitchen. Monica and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table.] Monica: Would you surrogate? Rachel: Depends who asked. Monica: What if I asked? Rachel: Oh, Mon. Sure. Monica: Really? Rachel: Yes. Rachel: You're not asking me, are you? Monica: No. Rachel: Yes, totally. [Kathy enters, hair disheveled, shirt buttoned up in the wrong holes. She kneels by Monica's chair and hugs her.] Kathy: Thank you. Thank you. [hugs her again and then gets up to leave] Thank you. Yes, thank you! [leaves]
Plan: A: Chandler advice; Q: What do Monica and Rachel offer Chandler? A: the bedroom; Q: Where does Chandler need to improve his performance with Kathy? A: Ross; Q: Who lands Joey a job as a tour guide at the museum? A: Joey; Q: Who is disappointed when Ross won't sit with him in the lunch room? A: a greater "class divide; Q: What does Ross's refusal to sit with Joey expose? A: Phoebe; Q: Who agrees to carry Frank and Alice's baby? A: Frank; Q: Who is Phoebe's brother? A: children; Q: What do Frank and Alice want right away? A: their baby; Q: What does Alice and Frank ask Phoebe to carry? Summary: Monica and Rachel offer Chandler advice on improving his performance in the bedroom with Kathy. Ross lands Joey a job as a tour guide at the museum. Joey is disappointed when Ross will not sit with him in the lunch room, exposing a greater "class divide" within the museum. Phoebe's brother, Frank, and Alice have eloped and want children right away. They are unable to conceive naturally and ask Phoebe to carry their baby. After much consideration, Phoebe agrees.
3.11 - I Solemnly Swear OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [The maid opens the door for Lorelai and Rory] LORELAI: Hi. MAID: Good evening. May I take your coats? LORELAI: Oh, sure, thanks. EMILY: [from living room] That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. MAID: Your mother's in the living room. LORELAI: So last chance to run, huh? MAID: Excuse me? RORY: Just ignore her. [They walk to the living room. Emily is talking on the phone and doesn't see them come in] EMILY: Of course I said it. Well, I can't imagine who would take jackbooted as a compliment. I will not apologize. Every time she went to the pantry, I thought she was marching on Poland. Oh, I see, because I want things a certain way, I'm unreasonable? [Lorelai pours herself a glass of wine] RORY: Shh! EMILY: Why, that is the most absurd. . .I want to see this document. Fax it to me immediately. LORELAI: Fax it to me immediately? RORY: She's part of the electronic age. EMILY: Tomorrow morning is completely unacceptable. It's unacceptable because I'm paying you three hundred dollars an hour. So turn that little near-luxury car around, go back to your office, and fax me that libelous scrap of paper. LORELAI: Ask him if he can pick up some ice cream, too. EMILY: Well, tell your wife to tape your daughter's recital. [hangs up] Unbelievable. [Emily turns around and sees Lorelai and Rory on the couch] LORELAI: Hi Mom. RORY: Hi Grandma. EMILY: When did you two get here? LORELAI: Sometime between the second absurd and the third unbelievable. EMILY: I apologize. That call caught me off guard. RORY: Is everything all right, Grandma? EMILY: Everything's fine. LORELAI: Are you sure? EMILY: I'm sure. LORELAI: You look peeved. EMILY: I'm not peeved. LORELAI: Well, you look peeved. EMILY: Kindly stop making me say the word peeved. LORELAI: Mom, spill it. What's wrong? EMILY: That was our lawyer calling to inform me that one of our former maids is suing for wrongful termination. LORELAI: Hm. EMILY: You might at least act surprised. LORELAI: It's not the first time, is it? EMILY: It most certainly is. LORELAI: Really? EMILY: Yes, Lorelai, really. LORELAI: Well, then, I'm surprised. EMILY: It's beyond surprising, it's outrageous. RORY: What did Grandpa say? EMILY: Your Grandfather's still in London helping his mother close down her house. Of course he'd be gone when this happens. LORELAI: I think he planned it that way. RORY: Which maid was it? EMILY: Gerta, the one from Hamburg, Germany. LORELAI: Which one was she? RORY: You remember – she was the one you made all those Hamburg/hamburger jokes to. LORELAI: God, I beat that dead horse. RORY: With glee. EMILY: She was the clomper. LORELAI: The clomper? EMILY: She'd be upstairs making the beds and it'd sound like a Munich beer hall rally. LORELAI: That's why you fired her? EMILY: Yes. LORELAI: Because she made noise when she walked? EMILY: Yes. LORELAI: Was she a good maid otherwise? EMILY: What? LORELAI: Besides the clomping, was she polite, on time, made sure the little fork went on the outside? EMILY: Have you been listening to me? She was not performing her duties as I wished them to be performed. Everything else is beside the point. LORELAI: Well, I guess it's always something, isn't it? EMILY: What's that supposed to mean? LORELAI: It means you always seem to find the one thing about a maid that negates all of her good qualities. I mean, at a certain point, isn't it just easier to let a couple things slide? EMILY: I see. So it's my fault? LORELAI: I didn't say that. EMILY: No, Lorelai, you did. For years, I've been listening to you and your father and everyone else go on and on about how demanding I am, how I have to have things a certain way. Well, guess what? I pay to have them that way. I pay more than anyone else pays their maids, and when things are not the way I want, that means I'm not getting what I paid for. Why is that so hard to understand? LORELAI: It isn't hard to understand, it's just – EMILY: If you pay for first class and the airline sticks you in coach, people expect you to be upset. No one calls you demanding or unreasonable. And yet here is this woman whom I pay more than she can get anywhere else in Hartford, whose severance package could finance a summer cruise down the Rhine, dragging me into court saying that I was unfair. Why? Because having paid for one thing, I'm not content with something else? That makes me unfair? Well, then, so be it. Let someone else pay first class and ride in steerage, not me. MAID: Excuse me, Mrs. Gilmore, dinner's ready EMILY: Thank you, Brooke, we'll be right there. [Brooke walks away; Lorelai and Rory start to get up] EMILY: Wait, wait, wait. Do you hear that? LORELAI: Hear what? EMILY: Exactly. [opening credits] CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN [Lorelai is watching Sookie and Jackson argue] SOOKIE: You know, next time I want some grapefruit, I'm just gonna ask for a kazoo because you can only seem to get me the most bizarre opposite. JACKSON: What is your problem? [Michel walks in] MICHEL: I need you to – LORELAI: Shh! MICHEL: What? Oh, it started. You were supposed to call me. LORELAI: Stop talking. JACKSON: I understand perfectly. You wanna be a dictator. SOOKIE: Oh, come off it. JACKSON: Commandant St. James says, "Brussels sprouts! You will bring me the Brussels sprouts." SOOKIE: I'm trying to plan a menu here, Jackson! MICHEL: Fill me in, please. LORELAI: Jackson brought pea tendrils instead of Brussels sprouts. MICHEL: Well, aren't we Evil Knievel? LORELAI: Coffee? MICHEL: Oh, please. SOOKIE: Pea tendrils are too delicate to serve with the lamb shank! JACKSON: I don't think that they are. SOOKIE: Where are the Brussels sprouts? JACKSON: I looked at the stalks, they weren't good enough. SOOKIE: You always do this to me. JACKSON: Doesn't it matter that I care so much about the quality of the produce that I sell you that I'd be willing to risk an enormous argument just to save your dinner. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Oops, that was dumb. SOOKIE: Save my dinner? JACKSON: You know what I meant. SOOKIE: Yes, my dinner is out standing on a ledge. Oh no! What's gonna happen? JACKSON: Sookie. SOOKIE: Oh wait! What's that? It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Jackson and his atomic pea tendrils! JACKSON: You wanna get another produce guy? SOOKIE: Maybe I should! JACKSON: Well, go ahead! SOOKIE: Don't tempt me! JACKSON: That's it, I am leaving. SOOKIE: Go! And take the tendrils with you! JACKSON: Fine! See you tonight? SOOKIE: I love you. LORELAI: And it always ends with a hug. MICHEL: Hm. LORELAI: Okay, what do you need? MICHEL: The new insurance policies you ordered. LORELAI: Good. Now the inspector's supposed to be coming by to check the place out tomorrow, so you're gonna have to show him around. MICHEL: What? LORELAI: You're covering for me, remember? MICHEL: Oh, yes, that's right. Tomorrow the two of you go back to school. LORELAI: It's not school, it's a one-day course at the learning center. SOOKIE: How to run an inn. MICHEL: Yes, amazing you've been able to fake it so long. LORELAI: This is specific to opening small inns, bed and breakfasts. MICHEL: I see. Order half of everything. There – you owe me seventy-five dollars. LORELAI: Why are you being such a snob about this? You went to hotel school. MICHEL: I attended the Ecole Hôtelière de Genève. LORELAI: Wow, that's gotta make one hell of a sweatshirt. MICHEL: It was one of the premiere hotel schools in the world. You two, on the other hand, are going to take a two-hour course at the Radisson. SOOKIE: Jackson's taken a lot of courses through The Learning Center and he loves it. He took beekeeping – LORELAI: Jackson keeps bees? SOOKIE: No, it turned out he was allergic. One stung his lip and his whole head blew up to three times his normal size. MICHEL: Please tell me you have pictures. SOOKIE: He also took a course in how to buy foreclosed real estate, and how to write a diary. LORELAI: How do you not know how to write a diary? SOOKIE: He's a searcher. LORELAI: Yes, he is. SOOKIE: Plus, I think he was really lonely before we got together and he didn't live near a good bar. MICHEL: Yes, well, I predict that tomorrow will be a complete waste of time and money, and I will be here to laugh at you when you return. LORELAI: Thanks for your support. Forget him. Opening our own is a huge step, and anything that might help is worth trying. SOOKIE: Exactly partner. LORELAI: Now tell me you got pictures of Jackson and his giant head. SOOKIE: I'll bring them in tomorrow. CUT TO CHILTON [Rory walks into the meeting room; Paris is going through some papers] RORY: Hey Paris. PARIS: Have you looked over the votes for commencement speaker? RORY: Yeah. PARIS: Are the ones for Princess Diana's butler jokes or real? RORY: I'd say jokes. PARIS: What about the ones for Dr. Phil? RORY: I think real. PARIS: I knew that suggestion box was a bad idea. Watch Choate get Joan Didion while we're being read "Eloise at the Plaza." RORY: Listen, before the others get here, we should probably decide what we're going to do. PARIS: About what? RORY: About the prom coup Francie staged last week. PARIS: You mean booking Wadsworth Mansion? RORY: Using all of the money reserved for the telescope that we wanted to buy for the senior gift. PARIS: Why does one pinhead always have to vote for Jerry Garcia? RORY: I'm not sure if the deposit check has been sent yet, but - PARIS: I already took care of that. RORY: What? PARIS: Wadsworth Mansion is owned by the Connecticut Daughters of the Mayflower. Most of those biddies couldn't negotiate an icy sidewalk much less a contract. Took me about five minutes on the phone to get them down to half their asking price. RORY: You're kidding. PARIS: Well, there was no way I was letting the class gift be a stupid tree just so Ginger Spice can have her Barbie dream prom. RORY: She's a sneak. PARIS: She's not smart enough to be a sneak. Anyone can call a meeting. It's that loser Mr. Hunter that let her get away with it. RORY: Well, she kind of forced him into it. PARIS: You can't force a teacher into something, Rory. No, it was Hunter. He's been jealous of me since I got into office. Whenever I announce I have a new motion to introduce, he flinches. Actually, physically tightens up for a moment. It's creepy. RORY: Yeah, but – FRANCIE: Well, out fearless leaders at work already. I feel so safe. RORY: That girl bugs me. PARIS: Relax, she's harmless. MR. HUNTER: Paris, Rory. PARIS: Paris, Rory. Bed wetter. Shall we sit? RORY: Fine, let's sit. PARIS: I call this meeting of the student council to order. Is the secretary ready? MADELINE: I am. PARIS: Then let's proceed. First of all, I'd like to apologize for missing last week's somewhat impromptu meeting. As most of you know, its scheduling was somewhat unorthodox since the meeting was a supplementary meeting, which was a concept invented by me. So the fact that anyone would hold a meeting invented by a certain person without that certain person seems, well. . .let's see, what's the word? Mutinous, insulting, underhanded, and in the end, fruitless, since I managed to re-negotiate the rental fee for the Wadsworth Mansion so that we'll be able to have the prom and give the school a respectable senior gift in the form of a telescope. Any questions, Mr. Christian? I mean, Mr. Hunter. MR. HUNTER: Uh, no. PARIS: Good. So, now that that's out of the way, let's move onto other business. Francie? FRANCIE: As you know, Health Week is coming up. We have speakers lined up to discuss everything from heart disease and exercise to the dangers of sun damage and fried food. Everyone's booked and ready to go. The only thing left to figure out is where to set up the sign-up table for the annual blood drive. [Madeline screams] FRANCIE: Geez! RORY: What's the matter? LOUISE: She hates the word blood. FRANCIE: Give me a heart attack. LOUISE: Just keep your hands on your ears. MADELINE: Tell me when it's over. FRANCIE: As I was saying before the freak-out, we need to figure out where to place the sign up table for the blood drive. MADELINE: I can still here her. LOUISE: Hum to yourself. PARIS: Continue, please. FRANCIE: I am proposing putting it in the cafeteria. It's got easy access, maximum exposure, and almost ninety percent of the student body visits the cafeteria every day. It's the perfect location. PARIS: Well? RORY: No. FRANCIE: Excuse me? RORY: You can't set up in the cafeteria. It's a fire hazard. PARIS: It is? RORY: Yes, it's a fire hazard. You'll have to find another place. FRANCIE: You're kidding. RORY: I never kid about fire safety. FRANCIE: Well, Rory, I actually know the fire codes for the cafeteria, and as long as we don't cram more than three hundred people in there, we can start an opium den and the fire department wouldn't care. RORY: A, Francie, I think they would care, and B, I'm not talking about numbers. You set up that table, get people thinking about blood, someone smells smoke, and the next thing you know, fifty stampeding teenagers are using your body to lever open a door. I won't allow that. FRANCIE: This is Xanadu-level of insane. PARIS: You do realize you're opposing the blood drive? RORY: No, I'm opposing the blood drive in the cafeteria. PARIS: Is it really that big a deal? RORY: It's the rules, Paris, the rules of common decency, and I'll be damned if I let Francie ignore those rules. PARIS: Well, okay, motion denied. The senior class president will come up with an alternate plan for the location of the sign-up table for the blood drive. Now Louise, poke John Williams over there and tell her she can cut the score, we're moving on. Advertising space in the yearbook is only fifty percent sold as of right now. What are we doing to do about this? Roger, yes? CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory is in the living room when Lorelai walks through the front door with two takeout bags] LORELAI: Dinner! RORY: Over here. LORELAI: We are so in luck. It was international grab bag night at Al's. RORY: Cool. Did you peek? LORELAI: And ruin the whole point of the mystery dinner? I think not. Pick. RORY: That one. LORELAI: Okay. I love this. It's food and a game all in one. Now we open them at the same time. RORY: I know the rules. LORELAI: And do not jump the gun. RORY: There's a lot of pressure associated with international grab bag night. LORELAI: Well, I am your mother, it is my responsibility to give you structure. Now, on three – one, two, three. [they both open their bags and smell the food] RORY: Hm, Moroccan. LORELAI: You always say Moroccan. RORY: And sooner or later, I will be right. What's yours? LORELAI: Pan-Asian, with a hint of English Colonial, and a few South African influences. RORY: Way to hedge your bet. Kitchen? LORELAI: Just let me check the machine. RORY: Okay. [Rory walks to the kitchen. Lorelai checks the answering machine] ANSWERING MACHINE: Ms. Gilmore, it's Bob Merrimam, your mother's lawyer. I'm calling about the little matter of this lawsuit she's involved in. We'd like it if you could give a deposition. . . LORELAI: Uh. [picks up the phone and dials a number] ANSWERING MACHINE: . . on her behalf. It shouldn't be a big deal. If you could just call me tomorrow with some times that would be convenient for you, I can set something up. . . LORELAI: Oh, no! ANSWERING MACHINE: . . .Thanks, bye. RORY: What? LORELAI: No, no, no, no, no. EMILY: Hello? LORELAI: No. EMILY: Who is this? LORELAI: I am not giving a deposition. EMILY: Of course you are, don't be ridiculous. LORELAI: Please leave me out of this. EMILY: I see. So you're just going to let this lead-footed teutonic chambermaid drag your mother into a public forum and humiliate her, is that it? Is that what I'm hearing? LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: Her lawyer knows we asked for this deposition. How do you think it's going to look when you refuse to testify for your own mother? LORELAI: Like it's none of my business. EMILY: Oh, and I'm sure the twelve rocket scientists they assemble as a jury of my peers will see it that way. LORELAI: Honestly, Mom, I doubt they'll be able to find twelve people in the state of Connecticut who haven't been fired by you. EMILY: I can't believe my own daughter won't come to my defense. LORELAI: I'm not gonna lie for you. EMILY: I just want you to tell them how I treat my maids. LORELAI: I'm not gonna lie for you. EMILY: All you have to do is tell them I treat the help fairly. LORELAI: I'm not gonna lie for you. EMILY: Lorelai, there is something called family loyalty. It means when someone is in trouble, you help them, as I have helped you several times over the years. The very least you could do in return is spend half an hour saying something kind about your mother. LORELAI: Fine. EMILY: Thank you. Your devotion is touching. [hangs up] LORELAI: I have to give a deposition. RORY: I don't think this is Moroccan – or at least not recently. LORELAI: Want some of mine? RORY: Nope. LORELAI: Yikes. Luke's? RORY: Let's go. CUT TO THE LEARNING CENTER [Lorelai and Sookie are in their class about opening an inn] LECTURER: I can't stress enough the value of a good paint job. One of the first decisions you'll have to make when you open your inn is whether to employ your housekeepers individually or contract out to a housekeeping service. If you use a service, you will be assured of having a replacement housekeeper if one should call in sick or quit suddenly. SOOKIE: But you'll pay two dollars more an hour and they'll be loyal to the service, not to you. LECTURER: However, you'll probably end up paying a bit more than if you hired them individually. SOOKIE: I can't believe you're taking notes. He has said nothing in the last two hours that we didn't already know, and he's saying it really condescendingly. So in addition to being bored, I'm getting hostile, and a little insecure ‘cause you're studying and I'm not. [Lorelai displays the cootie catcher she's just made] LORELAI: Pick a color. SOOKIE: Pink! LORELAI: ‘Cause you're a girl. SOOKIE: Exactly. LORELAI: P–i–n–k. Pick a number. SOOKIE: Five. LORELAI: [opens the flap] You will marry Shaun Cassidy and cheat with David. SOOKIE: Well, good for me. LORELAI: My turn. LECTURER: [clears throat] Some of us are here to learn. LORELAI: Sorry. SOOKIE: Yeah, sorry. LORELAI: We had a cootie catcher. . . SOOKIE: We're sorry. LORELAI: Sorry. LECTURER: As I was saying, the points we've covered should get you started, but remember, it's a long process, so don't get discouraged. I'm sure one day I'll be staying in each and every one of you inns. LORELAI: He's not staying in our inn. LECTURER: Now don't run off just yet. We've got one final treat. I'd like to introduce you all to John Mattern. JOHN: Hello everyone. I'm very pleased to be here addressing you today. I asked Brian if I could just have a few minutes at the end of today to show you all some opportunities that I think you're going to find really exciting. I know that I do. If we could. [turns on the slide projector] Now this is a lovely property that has just become available right outside of Litchfield. SOOKIE: It's a sales pitch? LORELAI: They spend two hours telling us nothing, then try to sell us lame property? SOOKIE: We already know the place we're buying. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: So what do we do? LORELAI: I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your head. Let's go. [Lorelai and Sookie get up and leave] JOHN: A perfectly restorable sun porch wraps around the entire main structure. Let's step inside this diamond in the rough. CUT TO HALLWAY [Lorelai and Sookie walk out of the room] SOOKIE: Unbelievably shocking. LORELAI: That we could work at an inn for so long and learn so little. SOOKIE: We must be some kind of dumb. LORELAI: Who would ever have thought that all inns need doors? SOOKIE: Not me. LORELAI: And floors. SOOKIE: Doors and floors, we can't afford that. LORELAI: Well, we better, otherwise our guests will fall right through to China. SOOKIE: I can just imagine the phone calls. LORELAI: What was Jackson thinking saying these courses were good? SOOKIE: Please, you're asking me? The man took a course in diary writing. [they reach the refreshment table] LORELAI: Thank God – food. SOOKIE: So, is it worth it if we can make up our seventy-five dollar admission fee in cookies? LORELAI: Well, considering that in the past hour, I uttered the phrase, "My God, I should've listened to Michel," these better be the best damn cookies in the world. SOOKIE: [tries one] And they taste like feet. LORELAI: Oh, well, even their cookies suck. Stand by, I'm going in for coffee. [two men walk up to them] JOE: Sookie? Sookie St. James? SOOKIE: Uh huh. JOE: It's Joe. . . Joe Mastoni from the Deerhill Lodge. SOOKIE: Oh my God, Joe! Joe! Joe from the Deerhill Lodge! It's Joe from the Deerhill Lodge! How are you? Sorry. Well, come here. [hugs him] Oh! Lorelai, this is Joe. Joe, Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi. JOE: Nice to meet you. This is Alex, my partner. ALEX: Business partner. LORELAI: Oh, clarification duly noted. Nice to meet you. SOOKIE: Joe and I worked together one summer up in the Berkshires. JOE: Oh, God, we had a wild time that summer, didn't we? LORELAI: You had a wild time, huh? Do tell. SOOKIE: We'd all work fourteen hours straight, party ‘til dawn, then pile in Joe's van and wake up in New Hampshire or Maine with just enough time to get back for the next shift. JOE: We had a real interesting crew. Sookie, me, Feldman, Mellon, Bung – LORELAI: Bung? SOOKIE: He was the grill man. He had been up there for a couple years already, but Joe and I were both in prep. LORELAI: And I repeat - Bung? ALEX: Don't look at me. I'm still wondering if Mellon's a man or a woman. JOE: You know, I promised myself after that summer, I would never chop small green things en masse ever again. SOOKIE: Or drink all the leftover wine on an empty stomach. JOE: Let me see your hands. Hey, nice blisters. SOOKIE: Let me see yours. Ooh, not bad, not bad. JOE: I'm more careful about using the towels with the hot stuff these days. SOOKIE: Sissy. JOE: Yeah, yeah. So what are you doing here? SOOKIE: Lorelai and I are opening an inn together, so we came for a class. JOE: Really? Alex and I are here for a class about opening your own coffee place. ALEX: Chain of coffee places, actually. SOOKIE: That's great. JOE: We'll see. It's pretty new territory for us. ALEX: Joe at least knows the food industry. I'm coming from ironworks, so I basically know what the security gate you pull down at the end of the night should be made of. JOE: Don't listen to him. Alex is an incredible businessman. LORELAI: Ah. ALEX: That's true. JOE: So far, we've got the business model planned out, there's a couple of prime locations we're interested in. The only thing left to do besides build the place is pick a name. LORELAI: Oh, little tip, don't choose anything cute. SOOKIE: Like Jitters. LORELAI: Or Spill the Beans. SOOKIE: Or Higher Ground. LORELAI: Or The Mudhouse. ALEX: Actually, I kinda like that. LORELAI: Oh, me too. We call dibs. ALEX: I thought you were opening an inn. LORELAI: Well, we wanna keep our options open. JOE: Hey, did you hear about Feldman's restaurant? SOOKIE: The Feldster opened a restaurant? LORELAI: Okay, I know I'm repeating myself, but the Feldster? SOOKIE: I can't believe he opened his own place. He spent the whole summer getting stoned in the walk-in. JOE: He was our baker. LORELAI: Right, that figures. SOOKIE: Huh? ALEX: Baker, getting baked, I'm there. LORELAI: Oh, congratulations. You still can't have The Mudhouse. JOE: Hey, you remember the last reception we catered? The parakeets, everyone dressed as knights and ladies. SOOKIE: Oh God! ALEX: Old friends, huh? LORELAI: Yeah, there's nothing like them. SOOKIE: I never did figure out how Bung got into a fight with the bride. JOE: One minute everything was fine, the next he's beaning her with the ice sculpture. LORELAI: Hey, remember the time you and Fat Sal got locked in the freezer overnight? ALEX: Fat Sal? LORELAI: Work with me here. ALEX: Oh, Fat Sal, yes, right. SOOKIE: Then Feldman got into a fight with the bride's mother. JOE: That's right! He went after the whole bridal party. LORELAI: And you remember how me and the Bruiser – ALEX: Never liked that guy. LORELAI: We found you and Fat Sal in the morning and you were frozen together like bacon. ALEX: Yeah. You know, I still can't eat bacon. LORELAI: Well. . . JOE: And you remember what Feldman told the cops? SOOKIE: Oh, yeah! LORELAI: And then before Bruiser and I would let you out, we made you and Fat Sal kiss. ALEX: I'm not sure I remember that. SOOKIE: You know, I actually don't remember what Feldman told the cops. JOE: He tried to pretend he didn't speak English, remember? SOOKIE: That's right, oh my God! The flooginshorts! JOE: Yes, the flooginshorts! LORELAI: Oh, great. Now we have to make up our own language? ALEX: This is getting exhausting. JOE: You know, Feldman's restaurant's right here in Hartford. SOOKIE: No, really? JOE: Yeah. We should swing by one night and bust his chops. SOOKIE: Hey, yeah, we could keep sending back plate after plate until he gets so angry he comes out. JOE: Let's make a plan. SOOKIE: Sure. Call me at the Independence Inn, that's where we work. LORELAI: For now. JOE: Sounds great. I'm so glad we ran into each other. SOOKIE: Me too. JOE: And it was nice meeting you, Lorelai. Good luck with everything. LORELAI: Thanks, you too. ALEX: I'm really glad we got a chance to catch up. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. Hey, if you see Fat Sal, give him a kiss for me. ALEX: I'll do that. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Bye. [Alex and Joe walk away] SOOKIE: Wait, so you and that guy knew each other, too? What a coincidence! LORELAI: Come on, honey. CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA [Rory and Paris sit down at a table with their lunch trays] PARIS: How many times do I have to tell them? You can't put a two-inch ladle of gravy into a one-inch potato crater. You either need a smaller ladle or a bigger crater – otherwise, you get this. RORY: Gravy on your asparagus. PARIS: Yes. RORY: Paris, the cafeteria workers serve hundreds of students a day. A little gravy spillage is natural. PARIS: I see. So I should just sit quietly and shovel in whatever slop they throw my way like some inmate in the chow line at Leavenworth doing twenty to life? I don't think so. RORY: I'll save your seat. [Paris walks away. A paper airplane lands on Rory's tray, it says "We need to meet. Write down a time and place." Rory writes on it, then hears a noise and turns around. Someone takes the airplane when her back is turned. Paris walks back to the table.] PARIS: They took my tray. I can't believe they took my tray. All I did was go up there and tell them I wanted some new asparagus, and they took my tray. Well, I also told them to buy a slightly looser hair net, one that wouldn't squish the part of the brain that can judge depth and measurements, and then they took my tray, but still. . .now what? You gonna eat that? [Rory gives Paris her lunch tray] CUT TO PARKING GARAGE [Rory walks through an empty parking garage. She hears a noise, and turns to find Francie] FRANCIE: Good, you're here. We need to talk. RORY: We have three classes together, we couldn't talk then? FRANCIE: I thought alone would be better. Besides, you picked the place. RORY: What do you want? FRANCIE: I want a truce. RORY: Excuse me? FRANCIE: A truce, you know, no more fighty fighty. RORY: I don't believe you. FRANCIE: Look, this is not the way I wanted things to work out, honestly. Yes, the hemline thing bugged me, and yes, Paris is not my idea of a secret sister, but I never intended for things to go so far. RORY: No? FRANCIE: No. I mean, it's my senior year, too. Why would I want to spend the whole time scheming and fighting? It's too exhausting. I wanna stop this war, this vendetta, this Sicilian thing. It must end. RORY: This seems awful sudden. FRANCIE: Yes, well, my time is precious, so if I'm not gonna truly commit to a grudge, I'd like to move on and put that energy somewhere else. Come on, what do you say? Friends, sort of? RORY: Friends. . .sort of. FRANCIE: Shake. [They shake hands. A car alarm goes off, startling Rory. When she turns back around, Francie is gone] RORY: Stop doing that. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO THE INDEPENDENCE INN [Lorelai walks up to Michel at the front desk] LORELAI: Okay, so you'll come in early and set up the conference room for the group from Michigan. MICHEL: Yes, I will. LORELAI: Okay. Now, Sookie's on top of the menu. Let's make sure the, uh, dining room's open for a late lunch, and we need to confirm the number of rooms they'll need. MICHEL: Yes, I have all of this written down on a notepad right next to my self-help book, "Why Don't People Think You Know What The Hell You're Doing?" LORELAI: Sorry. I'm just a little stressed at this whole stupid deposition thing. MICHEL: Relax, it's very easy. LORELAI: It is? You've done it? MICHEL: Once, it was nothing. LORELAI: Why were you deposed? MICHEL: My neighbor had this dog, a frisky little scamp that used to love to yap to his friends all night long. It was so cute. Then one day he disappeared. I told the police what I knew, but sadly the adorable little chatterbox was never found. It was tragic. LORELAI: You got rid of a dog? MICHEL: No. LORELAI: How could you get rid of a dog? MICHEL: I will gladly show you the transcript from the lawyer and the results of the lie detector test. LORELAI: You're heinous. MICHEL: And very well rested. [Michel walks away as Joe enters the inn] JOE: Lorelai, hi. Remember me? LORELAI: Of course I do. Nice to see you again, Joe. JOE: This is a beautiful place you have here. LORELAI: Ah, well, you know. . . keeps the rain off. JOE: Right. So, is Sookie around? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, uh, she is. Uh, right through there in the kitchen. JOE: Thank you. [Joe walks away as Michel walks back over] MICHEL: Here, give me those. I'll file them with the rest. [Lorelai barks at him] MICHEL: Ah, stop that! CUT TO THE KITCHEN [Joe walks in to find Sookie] SOOKIE: Hey, I'll just be a minute. JOE: Oh no, don't rush. SOOKIE: I was almost finished with the dinner prep, and then I changed my mind about two of the appetizers. JOE: Sounds like old times. Though, I gotta say, this place is a long way from the sweatbox at the Deerhill. SOOKIE: Yeah, we've upgraded a lot in the past few years. We just got a refrigerated prep table and we replaced the two vertical mixers. JOE: But you still got the old fifty-two inch Viking. SOOKIE: I know. I just like how big it is. I blew it up once. JOE: Wow. SOOKIE: But I had them rebuild it. I refuse to cook on anything else. JOE: Stick with what you know. SOOKIE: Exactly. Taste this. JOE: Maybe a bit more brandy. SOOKIE: I knew you'd say that. JOE: Well, people like brandy. SOOKIE: You mean you like brandy. JOE: And I'm people. We always had a good time together, didn't we? SOOKIE: Yeah, it was a good group. JOE: You always made it better. SOOKIE: ‘Cause I kept you fools from driving off the side of a mountain. JOE: Very true. You know, I'm really glad we ran into each other. It's not often you get a second chance. SOOKIE: What do you mean? JOE: I can't tell you how many times I kicked myself for not asking you out that summer. It just seemed like every time I got close, we'd end up talking about the best way to make calves liver or something. SOOKIE: Sautéed with caramelized onions. JOE: Exactly. Then when I saw you at the Learning Center, it was like fate was saying, "Here you go, man. Try not to screw it up again." I guess things just had to happen in their own time. SOOKIE: Uh huh, in their own time. Um, could you just. . .uh, stir. . . yeah, I'll be back. CUT TO LOBBY [Sookie walks up to Lorelai at the front desk.] LORELAI: [on phone] Oh, no, sir, I'm afraid we don't offer a complimentary breakfast. SOOKIE: [whispers] He thinks it's a date. LORELAI: Uh, yes, sir, I realize the Ramada does. SOOKIE: [whispers] Lorelai! LORELAI: Uh, well, if you like, I could recommend a few places in town. Uh, okay, uh huh, sure. Why don't you talk to your wife and call me back. Okay, bye. [hangs up] Hey, Shields and Yarnell, what's going on? SOOKIE: He thinks it's a date. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Joe, he thinks this is a date. LORELAI: Is he crazy? SOOKIE: Exactly. You were there – it's not a date, is it? LORELAI: No. The two of you were gonna go bust Feldster's chops. Busting chops is not a date. SOOKIE: That's what I thought, but he keeps saying how he liked me back then and how this is his second chance. LORELAI: He's liked you for ten years? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: Wow. That is some serious Great Gatsby pining. SOOKIE: I know. LORELAI: You're his Daisy. SOOKIE: I am? I'm his Daisy. I'm someone's Daisy. LORELAI: It's very flattering. SOOKIE: It is very flattering. But I didn't bring it on, did I? I mean, did I flirt? LORELAI: No, you did not flirt. You were talking about Bung. SOOKIE: Right. And you can't flirt when talking about Bung, it's impossible. LORELAI: He read something into it because he wanted to. SOOKIE: Oh my God, what's Jackson's gonna say? LORELAI: Sookie, it's a misunderstanding. Jackson will be fine. Just go in there and explain it to Joe. SOOKIE: But what do I tell him? He's waited ten years for this. How do you hand out that kind of rejection? I could tell him I've become a lesbian! LORELAI: Yeah, or "I'm married" might work. SOOKIE: Right, I'm married, good, that's very good. LORELAI: It's gonna be fine. Joe's a nice guy with good taste. SOOKIE: I'm his Daisy. LORELAI: Be happy later. SOOKIE: Right. I'm going in. [walks away] LORELAI: [answers phone] Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking. [Sookie walks back into the kitchen] JOE: So, at the risk of seeming like Joe the drunken chef, I added some more Port to the Cumberland sauce. Now, just promise to try it. SOOKIE: Joe, we need to talk. JOE: Wow, you've mellowed. In the old days, you would've just called me an idiot and just dumped it in the trash. SOOKIE: It's not that, it's. . .you put in more Port? This is a pheasant sauce, not the punch bowl at a frat party. JOE: Just try it. SOOKIE: No, no, no, no, no, that's not what I meant to say. It's just. . .there's been a misunderstanding. I thought this thing tonight was just a friends thing, you know, not like a date thing. JOE: Oh. SOOKIE: Not that going out with you would be bad. Except it would be. . . very, very bad. JOE: Wow. SOOKIE: But only because I'm married! I meant to say that first. [holds up her hand] See? Last May, I just. . .[realizes she's not wearing her wedding ring] Where's my. . .oh, hang on. [walks over to get her ring] See, this was supposed to be. . .when I hold my hand up, ‘cause otherwise, "Whatcha doin'?", right? Okay, here. I take it off when I'm cooking, but, look, there it is, right where it should be, on my finger. JOE: You're married. SOOKIE: Yes, I am. I hope that's okay. JOE: Hey, if your husband's good with it, who am I to complain? SOOKIE: You're not mad? JOE: Why would I be mad? SOOKIE: Because you thought this was a date. JOE: I'm not mad. Feeling a little stupid, but not mad. SOOKIE: Here, let me give you some money. JOE: I didn't spend any money. SOOKIE: Well, let me give you some money anyway. JOE: Look, the only way I'll be mad is if you throw that sauce out before you try it, okay? SOOKIE: Okay. JOE: Tell you what, why don't we make a plan to harass Feldman some other time? You can bring your husband and I'll see if I can get a real date. SOOKIE: That'd be fun. Come on, I'll walk you out. [they walk to the lobby] JOE: You know, we could even get some of the old gang together. SOOKIE: I'll drive. JOE: I guess this'll teach me not to wait ten years next time. Anyway, I'll give you a call. SOOKIE: Bye Joe. [Joe leaves. Lorelai walks up to Sookie] LORELAI: See, he's smiling. I knew it was nothing to get worked up over. You obviously let him down very well, and now maybe you guys can be friends. SOOKIE: I'm a whore! CUT TO OUTSIDE STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai and Rory are walking through the town square] LORELAI: This is silly. I know how to answer a question. RORY: This is your first deposition. Grandma's lawyers just want you to be prepared. LORELAI: Sample questions, great. It's bad enough I have to give a deposition, now I have to study for it? RORY: Shall we begin? LORELAI: Go ahead. RORY: Please describe how your mother runs her household. LORELAI: Okay. Well, do you remember the rowing scene in Ben Hur? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: I'm sorry, did that reference date me? Should I have gone with the "Express Yourself" video? RORY: Shall we stop? LORELAI: Sorry, ask me another. RORY: Would you say your mother is an easy woman to get along with? LORELAI: No. Next. RORY: You're not taking this seriously. LORELAI: I am taking this seriously. RORY: Well, you can't say that. LORELAI: Oh, wow, so you want me to lie. RORY: No, you don't have to lie. It's all about how you present the truth. For example, you could have said, "My mother is a perfectionist." LORELAI: Uh huh. And do you promise to visit Mommy in jail? RORY: Yes, I do. LORELAI: Okay, then. My mother is a perfectionist. RORY: Very good. [they reach the diner as Luke walks out] LORELAI: Oh, hey. Where you going? LUKE: Oh, well, I'm going to Doose's because we are out of food. LORELAI: How can you be out of food? LUKE: Well, it starts with the words, "Hey Jess, you do the ordering this week, okay?" and it ends with me selling Kirk a lettuce sandwich. RORY: We've eaten those. LUKE: I'm gonna go pick up some stuff to hold us over ‘til tomorrow. LORELAI: Well, get some burgers. RORY: And tater tots. LORELAI: And pickles. LUKE: Okay, hold on a sec. Burgers, tater tots, pickles. You want cheese on the burger? LORELAI: Cheddar. RORY: And swiss. LUKE: Dessert? LORELAI: Do we have to decide right now? LUKE: I would seriously advise it. LORELAI: Pie. RORY: Cherry. LORELAI: And whipped cream. And dental floss. And paper towels. And People magazine. We're really hungry. CUT TO CHILTON [Paris walks into the bathroom. Francie follows her] FRANCIE: Paris, good, I so need to talk to you. [to another girl in bathroom] Are you lost? [the girl leaves] Listen, first of all, I really wanna commend you on your job as president so far. PARIS: Thank you. FRANCIE: The way you've negotiated on some of those convoluted school issues – mind blowing. I watch in awe. PARIS: Uh huh. FRANCIE: And that's why this is so hard, because I have major respect for you, and the last thing I ever want is for you to get the wrong impression about my loyalties. PARIS: What are you talking about? FRANCIE: [pulls an envelope out of her backpack] These were shoved in my locker this morning, and I didn't know what to do, so I thought to myself, ‘I'll just show them to Paris and I'll explain and she'll understand.' PARIS: Explain what? What is this? [Paris opens the envelope and pulls out some photos of Rory and Francie in the parking garage] FRANCIE: Rory came to me and said she wanted to talk about some things. . .you know, policy, the prom, the senior gift, et cetera. So of course I said, "why don't we talk about them at the student council meeting with Paris?" And she said she wanted to do this without Paris. She said Paris is just too wrapped up in that boyfriend of hers to care about any of this. I didn't know what to do, so I went, and then I found these, and I'm just so upset. I mean, I would never intentionally do anything behind your back, Paris. And I promise, the next time Rory tries to get me to, I'm just gonna say, ‘Talk to the hand', you know what I mean? PARIS: Yes, I know what you mean. FRANCIE: Are you mad? Say you're not mad. I just couldn't live if I thought you were mad. PARIS: No, I'm not mad. [leaves] FRANCIE: Well, thank God for that. CUT TO CHILTON GYMNASIUM [Students are standing around in fencing outfits] TEACHER: Okay class, we will begin in five minutes. MADELINE: Does your helmet smell? I always get one that smells. LOUISE: You'd think the brain trust behind P.E. could come up with some sport that didn't give you helmet hair all afternoon. MADELINE: Like badminton. LOUISE: Or striptease aerobics. RORY: What? MADELINE: It's really big in L.A. You just go through the motions, you don't actually have to strip. RORY: Do the other people in the gym throw money at you? LOUISE: Fine, mock, but tell me this – have you ever seen an overweight stripper? RORY: The word no seems so wildly inadequate all of a sudden. Hey, where have you been? PARIS: Washing my hands. RORY: Okay. TEACHER: All right everyone, take your places. We will warm up with your counter-sixte-riposte-quarte. Melanie, please lead the group. MADELINE: Oh my God, there's a hair in mine. LOUISE: Just close your eyes and think of England, honey. RORY: Doesn't it seem strange to be practicing a sport whose original purpose was to kill people? It's like if high schools of the future had teams in artillery or high altitude bombing or something. TEACHER: Beginning salute. En garde. Right side advance. RORY: You okay? TEACHER: Right side retreat. PARIS: Why do you ask? TEACHER: And lunge. RORY: You just seem weird. TEACHER: Left side advance. RORY: Easy there, Paris. TEACHER: Left side retreat. PARIS: We're fencing Rory, not playing patty cake. TEACHER: And lunge. PARIS: You know, it's interesting how you think you know someone. TEACHER: Right side, quarte lunge. PARIS: Trust a person, rely on a person, then turn around one day and realize you'd been had. Ever experience that? TEACHER: Ripost. RORY: Paris. PARIS: I hate being had. RORY: Why are you telling me this? You're not supposed to be parrying that hard. PARIS: Gee, I'm sorry. Maybe I should turn around so you can just stick it directly into my back. RORY: What are you talking about? PARIS: I saw the pictures. RORY: What pictures? PARIS: You know what pictures. RORY: Obviously I don't know what pictures. PARIS: The pictures of you and Francie. RORY: Me and Francie? PARIS: You and Francie in the parking garage talking about me. RORY: Paris, I – PARIS: Don't make that face at me! RORY: What face? I'm wearing a mask. PARIS: The "I'm Rory, don't you want to pet me?" face. I know you two have been meeting behind my back. RORY: We haven't. We met once. PARIS: Aha, you admit it. RORY: Yes, but it wasn't what you think. PARIS: Brutus! RORY: Paris, you have to listen to me. Francie wanted to meet, she said she wanted to call a truce. She took those pictures of us, she's setting me up, she's trying to manipulate you. PARIS: Of course she is. You think I don't know when someone's trying to manipulate me? But that doesn't change the fact that you met with her behind my back. RORY: I was trying to help you. PARIS: You were? You mean, in between betraying me and selling me out, you were trying to help me? Gee, you are quite the Renaissance woman, aren't you? RORY: Stop it! PARIS: Make me! Come back here, Gilmore! Come back and fight like a man. [Paris chases Rory around the gym until Rory trips and falls] And the worst part is, you told her about Jamie. I can't believe I ever considered you my best friend. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Rory walk to the porch] RORY: I still can't believe it. I can't believe I got sucked in like that. LORELAI: Ugh, that Francie is pure evil, so she'll probably wind up president. RORY: Paris is so upset. She totally thinks I betrayed her. LORELAI: She'll calm down. RORY: Paris has never calmed down. LORELAI: She'll calm down. RORY: I can't believe I was her best friend. I feel awful. LORELAI: Look, I'll tell you what. If you wanna make things right, just go back to school tomorrow and let her stab you. RORY: Great idea. LORELAI: I'm nothing if not full of suggestions. RORY: Or full of something. [Emily opens the door] RORY: Hey Grandma. LORELAI: Hi Mom. EMILY: Come in, it's cold. [they walk inside] LORELAI: Do you want me to talk to her? You know, arrange a sit-down? RORY: No, thanks. LORELAI: Come on. We'll have it in an Italian restaurant. You'll get up, go to the bathroom – thanks – and come out shooting, and then I'll send you to Italy. RORY: Well, I do wanna go to Italy. LORELAI: Two birds with one stone, my friend. [they walk to the living room and sit down] LORELAI: Is everything okay, Mom? EMILY: Of course it's okay. Why wouldn't it be okay? LORELAI: I don't know. You just seem a little quiet. EMILY: Do I? I guess I do. I don't really have a lot to say, actually. I know, why don't I read to you instead. [picks up a booklet] LORELAI: Huh, what's that? EMILY: This? Nothing, just your deposition. LORELAI: My. . .how did you get – EMILY: Shh. Listen, it's fun. Okay. [reads] "Question – Would you say your mother is a tolerant woman?" LORELAI: Oh boy. EMILY: "Answer – Um, well, sure." LORELAI: What? I said you were. EMILY: You said sure. LORELAI: Which to most people means yes. EMILY: Yes, to most people, it does, but I've heard you say sure, and your sure is always sarcastic. LORELAI: I do not have a sarcastic sure. . .do I? RORY: Pick spot on carpet and stare. EMILY: "Question – Why has your mother dismissed maids in the past?" LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: "Answer – Different reasons." LORELAI: Well, that's true, right? EMILY: "Can you expand on that? Answer – Gee, how much time do you have?" LORELAI: Okay, see – EMILY: "I mean, if you guys have a lunch or an afternoon squash game or something. . .you look like the kind of guys who play squash. And hey, why's it called squash? Is it something to do with the fruit? Or vegetable, right? A squash is a vegetable, though if you ask me, it's gross no matter what you call it. Well, anyway, what I'm saying is you might want to clear your afternoon." LORELAI: I was flustered. He was using lawyer tricks. RORY: By asking you to expand? LORELAI: Now you decide to pipe in? EMILY: Didn't I tell you this was important, Lorelai? LORELAI: Yes, you did. EMILY: So, in spite of the fact that I told you it was important, you couldn't find it in your heart to put aside your personal antagonism toward me for one day and help me out. LORELAI: Mom, this is not fair. I said a lot of nice things about you in there. EMILY: Oh really? "Would you say your mother sets impossible goals which people cannot help but fail to reach, thereby reinforcing her already formed opinion of their deficiencies? Answer – Only for her daughter." LORELAI: Okay, not there, but keep flipping. MAID: I'm sorry to interrupt, but dinner is ready Mrs. Gilmore. LORELAI: Dinner, hey! Dinner's ready. Who's hungry besides me? I'd keep it warm. We're gonna be here awhile. Okay, go ahead. EMILY: "Would you call your mother an extremely critical woman? Long pause." Why was there a long pause, Lorelai? LORELAI: Because I was deliberately trying to hurt you, Mom. EMILY: "On a scale from one to ten, what would you rate your mother in terms of compassion for others' feelings?" Wanna guess what she said? RORY: No, thank you. LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: Hang on a second, Lorelai. I just want to skip to the Ben Hur reference. LORELAI: Yeah, I did. CUT TO CHILTON [Rory sits alone in the cafeteria. A paper airplane that says "Leper" lands on her table. She tosses it aside and puts on her headphones.] CUT TO SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE [Jackson walks through the front door] JACKSON: Sookie, I'm home. I got the - SOOKIE: Surprise! JACKSON: What is this? SOOKIE: I made you dinner. JACKSON: It smells terrific. SOOKIE: Lamb chops with Sicilian olives, rosemary and garlic, and a warm potato and chorizo salad. JACKSON: I love lamb chops with Sicilian olives, rosemary and garlic, and a warm potato and chorizo salad. SOOKIE: I know. JACKSON: What's that? SOOKIE: Beef jerky. JACKSON: You made beef jerky for me. SOOKIE: And there's cornbread, and fried marshmallow pie for dessert. JACKSON: And you have CCR on. SOOKIE: Well, you like CCR. JACKSON: I know I like CCR, you don't like CCR. SOOKIE: Sometimes I like CCR, and tonight I like CCR. JACKSON: You cheated on me! SOOKIE: No. JACKSON: Oh my God. SOOKIE: I just flirted accidentally! JACKSON: Turn it off. SOOKIE: Let me explain. JACKSON: Every time I hear it now, it'll remind me that my wife cheated on me. SOOKIE: Flirted – accidentally! JACKSON: You ruined Creedence for me! CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is sitting on the couch, Rory walks into the living room] RORY: I'm going to bed. LORELAI: At nine-thirty? RORY: Yeah, well, going a whole day without talking to anyone is a lot more tiring than you think. LORELAI: I hate those girls. RORY: It's fine. It was the first lunch that didn't start with a recitation of the calorie content of everything on the table, so actually it was kind of a relief. LORELAI: I hate them anyhow. RORY: Night. LORELAI: Night babe. [Rory walks back to her room as the phone rings] LORELAI: [answers] Hello? ALEX: Lorelai, it's Alex Lesman. We met at The Learning Center the other day. My friend accidentally asked your friend out on a date. LORELAI: Um, right, hi. ALEX: How are ya? LORELAI: I'm good. ALEX: Fat Sal sends his love. LORELAI: Right back at him. ALEX: Look, I know this must seem kind of out of the blue. You're probably wondering how I got your number. LORELAI: Information? ALEX: No, that would've been far too logical. I actually called your inn. I was gonna leave a message, but this French guy just gave me your home number. Said I shouldn't worry about calling too late, that you usually stay up ‘til three, four in the morning. LORELAI: Yeah, don't worry about him, he's getting fired tomorrow. So, what's up? ALEX: Well, I was wondering something. LORELAI: Uh huh. . . ALEX: On weekends, I like to go to different coffee shops, try their coffee, look at what they're doing. LORELAI: See if there's anything you can steal and possibly disguise as your own? ALEX: Exactly, kind of a low-rent corporate espionage. Anyway, sometimes I'll hit two coffee shops that have surprisingly similar product, and I for the life of me cannot decide which one is better. LORELAI: Bummer. ALEX: Yes, bummer, so I thought it would really help to have another person there who could help me make these crucial evaluations. LORELAI: Interesting solution to a fascinating problem. ALEX: So I was wondering what you were doing this Saturday. LORELAI: You know, it's funny you should ask me this, because I just happen to be one of the world's foremost coffee experts. ALEX: Really? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, it's basically just me and this guy named Chuckles in Brazil. ALEX: Sounds like fate. So, what do you say? LORELAI: Sure. ALEX: Great. Just to be on the safe side, you do know this is a date, right? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I got that. ALEX: Good. LORELAI: So, you guys come up with a name for your place yet? ALEX: Right now, the top contender is Sludge. LORELAI: Excuse me? ALEX: Moving on, my partner likes Regular Joe. LORELAI: Huh. ALEX: Then again, his name is Joe. LORELAI: Well, fancy that. ALEX: So, still won't let go of The Mudhouse, huh? LORELAI: Afraid not. What else you got? ALEX: Well, okay, how about Black Liquid Hope Sold Here? LORELAI: See, now you're making some progress.
Plan: A: Lorelai; Q: Who is deposed when her mother is sued for wrongful termination? A: two; Q: How many handsome men do Lorelai and Sookie run into at the seminar? A: an old friend; Q: Who is Sookie's business partner? A: his business partner; Q: Who is the other handsome man Lorelai and Sookie run into? A: a former maid; Q: Who is suing Lorelai's mother? A: Rory; Q: Who is ostracized by the rest of the student body? A: Francie; Q: Who lies to Paris about Rory? A: the student council meeting; Q: Where did Rory and Francie butt heads? A: a truce; Q: What does Francie propose to Paris after they argue at the student council meeting? A: Paris; Q: Who is crushed that her best friend has betrayed her? A: their fencing class; Q: When did Paris lash out at Rory? Summary: Offers of dates ensue when Lorelai and Sookie attend a seminar on operating an inn and run into two handsome men -- an old friend of Sookie's and his business partner; Lorelai unsuccessfully resists being deposed when her mother is sued by a former maid for wrongful termination; after Rory and Francie butt heads at the student council meeting, Francie proposes a truce and then immediately lies to Paris that Rory is trying to undermine her; Paris is crushed that her best friend has betrayed her and lashes out at her during their fencing class, leaving Rory ostracized by the rest of the student body.
"s*x, She Wrote" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna Abby particularly relishes the fact that all of her "suspects" will be subject to public humiliation once she presents her findings in class - one they all attend. After some investigation, Abby decides to solve her mystery a la Hercule Poirot, and sends mysterious invitations to a late-night meeting in the English classroom to all suspects. When Joey, Jack, Dawson, Jen, Pacey and Andie arrive, they realize that they've been trapped. Tension builds as they all squirm, and embarrassing revelations and accusations fly, but the end result is a big surprise to all. *Joey and Jack are outside of Joey's house* Joey: Well, do you have everything? Jack: Yeah, I think so.. *Joey just nods nervously and awkwardly.* Joey: 'Kay...well...thanks for posing for me. Jack: Yeah..sure... *Cut to Dawson and Jen on Jen's porch. Jen is still in her nightgown.* Jen: That was an unexpected encounter. Dawson: I don't know what came over me. I just...I wanna say-- Jen: Dawson, before we, um, disect what just happened, um, why don't we give it like 12 hours, okay? Dawson: Okay. *Cut to Pacey and Andie, standing at the side of the car, kissing. Cut to Joey and Jack, still in the same spot* Jack: You don't have any..regrets, do you? Joey: *shakes her head no while smiling* No. Jack: That's good. *Jack leans in and they kiss as we cut back to Dawson and Jen.* Dawson: See you tomorrow? Jen: 'K. Goodnight, Dawson. Dawson: Goodnight, Jen. *He leans in and kisses her on the forehead. Then, heads back to his house. Cut to Pacey and Andie.* Andie: Thank you. Pacey: Thank you. Andie: *laughs* No, thank you. Pacey: No, really, thank you. Andie: No, really, thank you. Pacey: I insist, thank you. *She turns around and faces him* Andie: Thank you. *She walks towards her house. Cut to Joey and Jack. Jack is walking down the stairs. He waves goodbye as we cut to Joey's face, obviously thinking about what happened. Cut to Pacey, staring after Andie. Cut to Jen staring outside. Cut to opening credits.* *Cut to Mr. Peterson's class, Dawson is giving his presentation on "mysteries in literature" but he's showing a film. He pauses the film. The lights are off only the lamp on the podium is on.* Dawson: So, we can conclude that film mysteries don't differ from literary ones, at all. The genre's still constructed in three sections: the setup, the testimonies, and the classic day neu mof (sp?) where all the characters are gathered in one room while the likes of Charlie Chan or Miss Marbalt (?) give their final monologue revealing the killer's identity. The key to solving any great crime is a practical understanding of human behavior. For it is there, that the motives are discovered and the greatest truths are revealed. And, remember, you never know when a mystery will find you. *He shuts off the light and there's a loud scream as Mr. Peterson turns the lights back on.* Mr. Peterson: Thank you, Dawson. Your flair for the dramatic is always in some small degree appreciated. I think we have time for one more...Abby! What incredible insight do you bring to the mystery genre? Abby: Actually, Mr. Peterson, I don't have my project. You see, the most tragic thing occurred while I was working on it. Our family pet, a very temperamental schnauzer named Giggles, got underneath the bathroom sink and chewed up a whole box of chocolate-flavored laxatives that my dad sometimes needs. So anyways, Giggles ate the whole box and he bled to death, internally. Apparently, chocolate laxatives are toxic to dogs. Mr. Peterson: It's a shame, Ms. Morgan, that you can't find a more productive outlet for your creative lying. Abby: I'm not lying. Mr. Peterson: Please, let's just stick to the fundamentals. The alphabet. The letter 'F'. If you don't turn in your project, I'll see to it that you fail this course. *bell rings* Mr. Peterson: Tomorrow, we are hosting a book fair in the school cafeteria. I remind you, as literary scholars, your attendence is mandatory. *As Chris was getting up to leave, he spotted a folded note on the ground a couple of desks up. He goes up and grabs it and reads it. He looks a little surprised and looks around. Cut to the cafeteria. Joey and Jack are sitting together.* Jack: So, uh, are we ever going to speak again? Joey: I hope so. Jack: Why's it so awkward? Joey: Mmm, I can answer that for 200, Bob! *Cut to Pacey opening his textbook when Andie comes up behind him and covers his eyes.* Andie: Hey, Mr. Witter, how are you? *They start kissing when Pacey stops.* Pacey: I--you know, um, we probably shouldn't do this right here. Andie: I'm sorry. I just had a major lust issue where you're concerned. Thanks for last night. You were a perfect gentlemen. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Pacey: Glad I could be of service. I had a nice time, too. Andie: Good. *Cut to Dawson sitting down by Jen in the cafeteria.* Dawson: Hey! Jen: Hi. Dawson: How are ya? Jen: Fine...you? Dawson: Great. *reaches into bag for a manila envelope, handing it to Jen.* My, um, script. New and improved. I got home last night, and I tooled around some changes. I think they'll address your concern. Jen: Let me guess, they do it, huh? Dawson: Um, actually, the so-called Dawson character does it with the beautiful *VCR screwed up* from the big city he has a crush on. I made the changes per our last conversation. Jen: Per our last conversation or per our last physical encounter? Dawson: Let's just say you inspired me. *Cut to Abby and Chris in line in the cafeteria.* Abby: If I had a gun, Mr. Peterson would be dead. If I fail English, I have summer school hell! Chris: Did you have s*x last night? Abby: Are you talking to me? 'Cause if you are, that's a Non Sequitor I'm choosing to ignore. Chris: Well, somebody's going at it. I'm just trying to figure out who it is. Abby: What are you talking about? *Chris hands her the note he found.* Abby: "I want to talk to you about last night. The whole night was amazing, but s*x changes everything. And I think we should take some time before anything happens again." Where'd you find this? Chris: On the floor, in Mr. Peterson's class. Abby: I don't recognize the handwriting. Did you see who dropped it? Chris: No. *Cut to Jack and Joey.* Jack: Did you finish your drawing? Did you turn it in yet or.. *Joey reaches down and comes back up with a big blue folder, she opens it but Jack shuts it quickly.* Jack: Wo! Hey! Leaving my shameless nature has it's threshhold. It's one thing posing naked in the quiet of your living room, but in the cafeteria? No. Uh-uh. Joey: Jack, don't worry. This is strictly for my professor's eyes only. *He scoots in closer and then looks at it.* Jack: Do you think I could have it? After you're done? You know, as a keepsake? Joey: Why so you can remember your 15 minutes of fame as a male model? Jack: So I can remember everything about last night. *Cut to Andie and Pacey.* Andie: What's this? Pacey: It's nothing. Just my history quiz. Andie: Oh, so what'd you get? Pacey: Never you mind. Andie: No, really, what did you get? Pacey: It's none of your business. Andie: What's wrong, Pacey? Pacey: Nothing. Andie: Is it a bad grade or is it me? I mean, you're not upset about last night, are you? Pacey: No, last night was fine. Um.. Andie: Look, I know that things...escalated in our relationship and a lot was said and done that-- Pacey: Andie, can we (missed word) with this...for right now? Please? It's just, you know, I have to study. You want me studying, right? Andie: Yeah, but more importantly, I don't want you to turn into some stereotypical guy that turns off and shuts down as soon as a relationship starts to progress. Pacey: I'm not shutting down, okay? It's just, I'm really behind and uh, I have to study. You understand that right? Andie: Yeah... *Cut to Dawson and Jen.* Jen: So you're okay with everything? Dawson: Completely fine...are you? Jen: Yeah. I'm fine. I was just more worried about you. Dawson: Don't be. Last night was last night. Today we have a movie to make so...we're still friends. And whatever word applies to what we are. Jen: Friends. Or whatever. *Cut back to Abby and Chris.* Abby: This is it! This is what I'll do for Peterson. Instead of deconstructing some literary convention, I'll solve my own real-life mystery. It's original, it's creative, it's so Abby Morgan. Chris: And what's the mystery? Abby: Who wrote this letter? Who had s*x? Chris: Yeah, but there's like 20 people in that class. It could be anyone. Abby: Common sense eliminates 90% of them.When you think about it, there's only three likely couples. The most obvious being Pacey and Andie. *Chris and Abby turn to look at them.* Pacey's sexually experienced, as we all know, and Andie's fallen head-over-heels in love with him. Insanity runs in her family. Chris: Yeah... Abby: Then, there's Joey and Jack. *their attention switches to them.* They share their whole artistic vibe. Progressive...uninhibited...experimental.. Chris: And Joey's got her hot little angle. Abby: Then, there's Dawson and Jen. *Chris and Abby look at them.* He's on the rebound and, God knows, she likes to bounce. Chris: What about you? Do you like to bounce? Abby: *disgusted* Chris, your lines land like bricks. Look, I'm going to need your help on this. You're going to have to document this thing. Chris: Why? Out of the goodness of my heart? Forget about it. Abby: I'll let you touch me in bad places. Chris: Okay. *Cut to Dawson and Joey standing outside of the school under the ledge, sheltered from the rain.* Dawson: Hey. Joey: Hey, Dawson. Looks like scary weather. Dawson: Yeah, I heard it's supposed to rain for the next couple days. What ya got there? *motioning towards blue folder* Joey: Oh this? Drawing for art class. Dawson: A naked man? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: How'd it turn out? Joey: Naked. *laughs* Dawson: Can I see it? Joey: Ummm how's the movie coming, Dawson? Dawson: Um, still casting. We can't seem to find a leading lady. Joey: Why is that? Dawson: Well, it's difficult. The part requires a certain mixture of spirit and passion, wide-eyed innocence, and unparalleled external beauty. Joey: Well, it sounds like you're looking for a Julia Roberts. Dawson: What I need is a you. *silence* Joey: Dawson, is this movie about us? Dawson: It's a drama in the vain of us. Joey: Well, I should read it don't you think? I mean, make sure it's not a character assasination. Dawson: Jo, I would never write anything hurtful about you, ever. I hope you know that. Joey: Yeah.. Dawson: Looks like I should probably make a break for it. Thanks for waiting out in the rain with me. Joey: Anytime. *She stares after him as he walks off.* *Cut to Abby and Chris and Chris' locker.* Abby: Have you seen Dawson's rewrite? We have s*x. It's disgusting. Chris: Yeah...so when do you want to practice? Abby: Chris, I have a finger I'd place in my mouth for vomiting. My point was this is the closest thing we have to a clue in our little Who Screwed It? Now, I'm going to need your help with the necessary questioning. Chris: What? You're just going to ask these guys if they had s*x? Abby: No! You can't ask them directly. You just have to shake the tree a little bit. See what falls out. Jen: *from offscreen* Hey you guys! Abby: *to Chris* Watch. *Jen appears.* Jen: Um, I'm trying to work out a rehearsal schedule for the film...so I'm going to need you guys to fill these out with your availibility schedules for the next few weeks and get them back to me ASAP, alright? Abby: So Jen, I just had the pleasure of reading Dawson's rewrites and I noticed some significant alterations. Mainly, one of the kinkiest s*x scenes since Mickey Rourke cracked open the refridgerator in 9 1/2 weeks. Jen: Alright, Abby, before you go there-- Abby: No, I'm already there, Jen. You see, since Dawson's movie is mostly autobiographical, I was wondering if some of my new scenes were acted out before they were written. Jen: It really doesn't take too much to ship your hyper-creative mind into overdrive, does it? Abby: Oh, no! This isn't just based on assumption. People do hear things. Like about the other night. Jen: What about it? Abby: You tell me. Does Dawson Leery have any other talents besides filmmaking? Jen: Abby, what happens in my bedroom, is my business, okay? Abby: Your bedroom? Is that where the critical events unfolded? Jen: I didn't say that. Abby: You didn't refute it either. Jen, it's written all over your post-coital, glowing face. You finally wooed the Wonderboy into the dark side. So was it worth all the pining? All the feeling that you weren't good enough? Jen: Yeah, it was. *Jen walks into her classroom. Chris comes up behind Abby.* Chris: My God, you did it! You got her to break. Abby: Yeah, right. A sexual confession from Jen Lindley? Please. That's like Bill Gates admitting he made $2 last year. No, our work is far from over. We still have to find out who's handwriting was on that letter. *Cut to Abby and Pacey's locker. She's holding a clipboard and a pen.* Pacey: What's this? Abby: I know you can read, Pacey. It's a petition. Pacey: For what? Abby: A school condom dispenser. I'm collecting signatures. Pacey: You're too much, Abby. Abby: Teenagers, these days. We're just growing up so fast. s*x is everywhere. Like, you know, with you and Andie. Pacey: Hey, you know, tell me, Abby. What would it take to make you a distant memory? *She holds out the clipboard and the pen, smiling. Cut to Abby following Jack.* Abby: All I'm asking for is a signature, a little John Hancock, and I'll be gone. Jack: The only thing I'd support of yours is your execution. Abby: Careful Jack, some may take that caustic edge as a biproduct of serious sexual repression. Speaking of which, have you had s*x with Joey? Jack: *stops walking* You've got to be kidding me. *Cut to Chris and Dawson* Chris: Since your life seems to be infested in this role, I thought I'd pick your brain a little. Dawson: Okay...shoot. Chris: Okay, well, the s*x scene, for instance. Clearly took from life experience. Dawson: Your point? Chris: Well, I just wanted to know what it was like. The first time. I mean, it's been so long since my own first adventure in the jungles of love. I thought I'd ask a newcomer. Dawson: Wait, you think that I had s*x with Jen? *Cut back to Jack and Abby.* Abby: Wait, so you didn't have s*x with her? Jack: Yes! Abby: You did?! Jack: Yes! No, no! Yes, I did not have s*x with Joey. Look, go away, you're demented. *Cut back to Chris and Dawson.* Chris: I'm just going by what I hear. Dawson: And who's the source this time? Chris: Well, if you and Jen were the only two in her room...who do you think it is? *Cut to Abby talking to Andie who's holding the petition.* Abby: Sign it for all womanhood. Most women don't have the knowledge you do about protecting themselves. Andie: My knowledge? Abby: You can play the whole demure, injenue from Road Island with another audience because I know everything. Andie: *disbelieving* You do? Abby: Yeah. Like about the other night. It's the property of gossip transference. Pacey brags to Dawson, Dawson tells Jen, Jen tells me, I tell the world, you know how it goes. Andie: And the current piece of gossip revolves around Pacey and me? Abby: Andie, I really don't want to be the one to impart on you that your boyfriend says you're lacking. It's not your fault that all his experience is with a 40-year-old teacher. What does he expect from you? *Andie slams the clipboard down and storms off.* *Cut to Chris and Joey.* Chris: *motioning to script* It's a good read. Recently he did some heavy-duty revisions. Put in a little lucky...well, I don't want to give away the ending. Joey: Look, Chris, I should wait until he asks. Chris: Tell you what? I'll just slip it in your bag right here and you make the call. Joey: Whatever. Chris: Oh and Joey, you might want to keep it on the QT. *She walks out of the room. Chris looks under the table and finds a familiar large blue folder as Abby enters.* Abby: Who do I have to sleep with to solve this mystery? Chris: I can think of one option. Abby: Yeah, right. *Chris motions to the folder.* Abby: Hm, Miss Potter seems to have left something behind. *They look at the drawing of Jack, naked. Abby's eyes light up.* Abby: And the plot thickens. *Cut to Dawson's room. Dawson is looking at his script and rubbing his temples when Abby enters the doorway and knocks. He turns.* Dawson: Abby. Abby: You should really work on making those greetings more personable, Dawson. Dawson: Look, Abby, I don't know what you're up to, but I'm not in the mood. Abby: That's not what I hear. Dawson: Really? Well, I know what you're implying, and I'm telling you, despite any and all rumors, Jen and I did not have s*x. Abby: *face drops* That's too bad. Dawson: I'm fine with it, actually. Abby: No, I mean, for Joey. She must be feeling like crap right now. I mean, here she went and slept with Jack and the only thing protecting her from the oodles of guilt that one amasses from such a critical event was the slight chance that you and Jen bumped uglies. Dawson: I don't know where you're going with this conversation, but I'm ending it. Abby: You know what? You're right. I should just give you this and go. *She hands him a folded up piece of white paper* *Dawson opens it and it's the drawing of Jack.* Dawson: This means nothing. Abby: Except the obvious. Has Joey ever drawn you naked? Dawson: Out! *She heads toward the door.* Abby: Jack McPhee drawn naked, Dawson Leery drawn out of the picture. After all these years, you weren't Joey's first. You're certainly not going to be her last. So I guess that makes you her...nothing. *Dawson slams the door. Cut to hallways of school.* Mr. Peterson: *over P.A.* The book fair is now commencing, expand your horizons. Read a book today, because there's more to life than Must See TV. *Abby and Chris walk out* Abby: Don't we have enough to read for school? They want us to start reading for pleasure? Chris: Don't you look ample today. Abby: Hands off! I don't want to catch any of your diseases. Chris: So...whodunit? I'm beginning to think they all did it. Abby: We'll find out soon enough. The day neu moi is rapidly approaching. Chris: The day neu moi is for revealing answers, Abby. You don't have any. Abby: You underestimate me. You heard Dawson, "The secret to solving a mystery is gaging human behavior." If I make them think I have the answers, the answers will be forthcoming. *hands some letters to Chris* Make sure these get into the right hands, and be discreet about it. Chris: You know who you are, you're Nancy Drew. From Hell. Abby: And don't you forget it. [SCENE_BREAK] *Cut to the book fair.* Pacey: Hey McPhee. You got a second? Andie: I'm busy. Pacey: Yeah, I know but I need to talk to you. Andie: Really? Apparently, you've been doing enough talking for both of us. Pacey: Excuse me? Andie: You know, it's interesting that I get the cold, shut-down, non-verbal, Pacey while the rest of Capeside gets a taste of return of Pacey Witter, underachieving, town-latthario. Pacey: Listen, I know you're probably freaked out by my weirdness yesterday, and actually, that's why I came in here to talk to you but you're kind of losing me on everything else. Andie: What have you been saying to people about us Pacey? Pacey: About us? Nothing. Andie: That's not what Abby Morgan says. Pacey: C'mon, Andie. Since when do you listen to what Abby Morgan has to say? Andie: She knows. Pacey: About? Andie: The other night. Pacey: What? Andie, what's to know? You and I shared a wonderful, romantic evening. Andie: If you weren't happy with me or what happened the other night you should have made it clear instead of spreading all this sexual propaganda all over school. Pacey: Are you kidding me? Andie: The other night, it was personal. And the fact that there's some war-provisioness version of it wafting all over the hall makes me think someone's been talking. And makes me really not want to talk to you right now. Pacey: Okay, if that's what you think, then I guess we really don't have anything to talk about. *He walks out of the book fair and Andie returns behind the counter of the library desk and finds a letter left for her. Cut to Jen looking at some books. She bends down to the lower half of the rack and Joey's right across from her.* Joey: Hey. Jen: Hey. *she notices Dawson's script hanging out of Joey's bag* So that's Dawson's script, huh? Joey: Oh, yeah...*she pushes the bag back and still doesn't make eye contact with Jen.* Jen: So did you read it yet? Joey: *kind of angrily* I flipped through it. Jen: So what'd you think? Joey: I thought it was a one-sided view of a story that would be better left untold. Jen: I take it you don't like the way you're depicted. Joey: *looks her in the eye* That and I'm just wondering what other parts of the script are autobiographical. Jen: Well, maybe you should talk to the writer about that. *Joey continues to give her a cold stare as Jen walks off. Cut to a note reading JACK on the front taped to a locker as Jack grabs it off and kneels down to look at it. Dawson walks up.* Dawson: *coldly* Have you seen Joey? Jack: She's at the book fair. Dawson: Well, since you two seem real close these days, you'll probably see her before I will. Jack: Is there an animosity of a point here, Dawson, or is this just another chance for you to harass me over a decaying issue? Dawson: *deadly cold* Give her this for me. Tell her I was overwhelmed. By her talent. *handing him the piece of paper of the drawing of him.* Jack: So was I. *Dawson storms off. Cut to school, it's lightning and raining outside. Cut to Jack in Mr. Peterson's classroom, pacing reading his invitation. Jen enters.* Jen: Hellloooo. *sees Jack* Jack? What are you doing here? Jack: I got an invitation, taped to my locker, it says: "Your presence is requested in Mr. Peterson's room, 7pm. I have something very valuable that may belong to you." Jen: Yeah, I got the exact same invitation. *Andie enters.* Jack: Andie? Andie: What are you doing here? *Jack motions to his invitation as Pacey and Joey enter.* Pacey: I see you all got the mysterious summons, too. So what's going down? Is this some impractical joke or what? Joey: That's what I wanna know. Pacey: *sighs* You know, I have this horrible feeling I know exactly who's behind this. *Dawson enters.* Dawson: Who? Could you tell me what's going on? *Abby enters the room.* Abby: Oh, look! All my favorite people gathered together in one room and I forgot my camera! Dawson: I should've known. *Chris enters with a camcorder* Abby: *laughs* Oh, no I didn't! Jen: Okay, Abby, what devious scheme have you hatched up this time? Abby: All good things come to those who wait, but you've never been very good at postponing pleasure, have you? Pacey: Why did you bring us here Abby? Take part in one of your Satanic rituals? Abby: Actually, it's my mystery project. In my possession, I have a letter. A lost letter. That was written by one of you in this room to another one of you in this room. Stop me if you've heard this before. "I want to talk to you about last night. It always comes out wrong so I thought I'd write it down. The whole night was amazing, but having s*x changes everything and I think we should take some time before anything happens again." Joey: You know, this is absurd, I am so outta here. Abby: Oh, come on, Joey! Don't you want to stick around and see who the author of this letter is? *She takes a seat as Abby goes up to the podium.* Abby: s*x. The world's greated mystery. Philosphers, poets, scientists over time have tried to rationalize it, explain it, glorify it, criminalize it! Dawson: Spare us the monologue. Jen: Could you just get to the point, Abby? Jack: Who wrote the letter? Abby: Who wrote the letter? *Abby goes down and turns on the lights.* Abby: That's all you care about, isn't it?! Fine! When the letter was first brought to my attention...my gut instinct said 'Dawson and Jen.' She's been trying to seduce him for weeks! And now with all their late night working sessions and him reliving his puny affair with Joey through his writing, I thought, maybe in the heat of the moment, he needed a Joey replacement. Then, I thought, Dawson, no way. He's saving himself for Joey...or old age, whichever comes first. And Jen? She has way too many intimacy issues to bump somebody she cares about. So my next guess was Jack and Joey. Joey is the liberated woman these days and underneath Jack's sensitive, little-boy-lost fascade, I have a feeling that there's a s*x pig just waiting to jump out. *softer to Jack* Let me know when you're ready to graduate to a real woman. Jack: You're sick and so wrong. Dawson: Is she? We've all seen the picture. Joey: What? You don't know what you're talking about, Dawson, that drawing was for art class. Dawson: What happened after the model session? Joey: What do you care? Dawson: Maybe I don't. Abby: Here we go, get this, Chris. Joey: Oh, that's right, you're too busy rewriting your script to imitate life. I know all about you and Jen. Dawson: What do you care?! Abby: How sad. Romantic destiny fulfilled with the wrong people. Dawson: Abby, you have it all wrong! Abby: Oh, so you didn't have s*x with Jen? *Dawson looks at Joey. Then, Jen.* Joey: Well, answer the question, Dawson. Tell the truth. Dawson: The truth is you slept with Jack. Joey: Maybe I did. Dawson: Well, maybe I slept with Jen. Abby: This is good. Joey: You did, didn't you? Dawson: Did you? Joey: Maybe. Dawson: Tell the truth, Joey! Joey: No you tell the truth! Dawson: I asked you a question first! Joey: No I asked you a question first! Dawson and Joey (simultaneously): YES!!!!!! *Lightning crashes as both Joey's and Dawson's faces drop and there's a long silence* Jen: That's not the truth. We did not sleep together. I couldn't go through with it and neither could he. It wasn't right and this pathetic display here makes it all the more obvious why. *Dawson sits on his desk not facing Joey.* Jack: We didn't either. *Dawson turns around* Your little assumption, Dawson. It was wrong. We couldn't go through with it. This little movie-life your living, Dawson, is not endanger. *Pacey's head is laying flat on his desk.* Abby: Well, then we only have one couple left. *Abby reads from the note:** "s*x changes everything, and I think we should take some time before anything happens again." This only leaves Andie. Andie: I didn't write that! Abby: Of course you didn't. I checked the handwriting. It belongs to Pacey. *Pacey looks up at Andie.* Andie: You wrote that? *he doesn't make a move* Well, did you, Pacey? *Pacey slowly nods.* Andie: *starting to cry* Why? *he doesn't say anything* Okay, so that's why you've been so weird lately. That's why you've been so cold. *Pacey shakes his head no* What are you trying to say, Pacey? So you sleep with me and you don't want me? *Pacey just sits there.* Andie: You disgust me. *Pacey closes his eyes as she storms out of the room. He gets up and walks over to Jack.* Pacey: That's not how it is. *The group starts leaving.* Abby: Did you get that? *Chris gives her a thumbs up as Abby turns around and looks a little shocked as Jen walks up to her.* Jen: I don't know where you come from or just who has the misfortune of being responsible for your existence but you are a lying, manipulative, and cruel person and the fact that you're only 16 years old makes me feel more sorry for you than any of the people in this room who's lives you're so intent on destroying. You are pathetic. *Jen walks off as Abby looks off into the distance.* *Cut to Joey giving her presentation.* Joey: Because of her well-drawn sleuths and clever mysteries, Agatha Christie will remain as the premiere woman mystery writer of the past, present, and future. Thank you. Mr. Peterson: Very good, Josephine. Now, Abigail. *She pulls out a thick red folder and a tape and sets it on her desk as Joey, Dawson, Andie, Pacey, and Jen intently watch her.* Mr. Peterson: (cont.) Is it possible Ms. Morgan that you're going to surprise me with your assignment? Is it possible that you've finally decided to do something good for yourself and apply a little integrity to your education? *Abby looks around at Joey, Dawson, Andie, Jen, and Pacey. She puts the folder and tape back under her desk.* Abby: I wouldn't want to disappoint you, Mr. Peterson. I didn't do it. And integrity, just for the record, is a tired notion last seen in the late 70s. Mr. Peterson: Well, then, I'm sure lack of integrity will make it easier to accept your 'F'. *Abby looks miserable.* Mr. Peterson: Just for the record. And who is next...Miss McPhee. *Andie gets up with her stuff and walks past Abby.* Andie: Thank you. Abby: Whatever... *Cut to Jack in an empty classroom, pulling down a chair and he sits in it. Jen enters the room.* Jen: Hey. Jack: Hey. Jen: What are you doing here? School's over. Go home. Jack: Nah, I'm just, um, thinking. Jen: About what? Jack: How it's not that much fun playing second string. Jen: I know what you mean. Don't worry, you'll get used to it. I have. *She starts to leave but he pulls down another chair.* Jack: Uh, here, have a seat. Jen: Okay. Jack: So, um, what are you gonna do about Dawson? Jen: Well, I guess there's really nothing I can do. I mean, as much as I love the guy, he's just not there yet. I mean, I can take all the jerks in the world climbing in and out of my bedroom window, but when Dawson Leery does it, it better be for me. Jack: That is so cool how you can just unleash all that onto someone you barely even know. Jen: Or just crazy. Jack: No. I wish that I could be more open like that. Jen: Well, why don't you give it a shot? Why didn't you and Joey do it? Jack: *laughs nervously* I can't say. Jen: Come on, you can think of it as growth. Come on, you've got to tell me, shoot. Jack: No. Jen: Oh, c'mon, I just spilled my guts to you. Go for it. Jack: Okay, alright, but you promise not to say anything to anyone. Jen: Swear. Jack: 'Kay 'cause you know...it's really embarressing. *Jen makes the sign she's crossing her heart.* Jack: *he leans in towards her* I couldn't, uh, get it up. Jen: You couldn't get it-- Jack: Shh! Jen: Oh, I know, I know. So what happened? Jack: I can't speak for Joey but I really wanted to, really badly, and it just wouldn't cooperate. I mean, I couldn't even take my clothes off because I was so scared. Maybe I have a problem...I don't know. Jen: No, hey, it's okay. Alright, believe me. I've been there. Oh yeah, those things just never cooperate. *They laugh* *Cut to Pacey running towards Andie in the rain. He gets in her car.* Andie: Get out. Pacey: We're not done. Andie: Oh, yes, we are. Pacey: I know that my behavior lately has been a little bit confusing and I'm sorry for being so cold and so distant, but a lot of stuff has been happening. I mean, I don't even know really where to start. Andie: You can start by getting out of the car. Pacey: How about I start at the truth. *He digs around in his bag and pulls out a piece of paper and gives it to her* My history quiz. I never told you my grade. Andie: Pacey, you got a-- Pacey: An 'A'. I got an 'A'. The first 'A' I've ever gotten in my entire life. It kind of threw me for a loop. Andie: Why? You worked so hard for it. Pacey: Because it changes everything. Don't you see everything's always been so predictable for me. But now, my whole life's course is changing. Ever since you and I had s*x, I've felt anxious, you know? Wondering should we have waited? Should we slow down? Wondering if it was the right thing to do. Wishing that I had taken the high road, and that's not me! You know? It used to be the only comforting part about Pacey Witter is that I always knew what to expect, and now I don't have a clue and I'm terrified. And that's why I was pulling away from you. Andie: It's okay to be scared, Pacey. The world is a scary, scary place. But I don't want you to be scared of me. Pacey: How can I not be, Andie? You're the one that's opening up this whole new life for me. I'm afraid that... Andie: What? Pacey: I'm afraid because you're the single-most, important being to ever grace my existance. Andie, I am falling hopelessly in love with you. *silence* Say something because I did kind of just cut it open and lay it out for ya. Andie: Yeah, that was pretty scary. Pacey: That's it. That's all you have to say. Andie: No. I'll say that I share your fear. Pacey: Yeah? Andie: Your exact fear. *They kiss. Cut to Joey at her locker as Dawson walks up to his. They're close to each other but don't say anything. JOey finishes and starts to walk away when Dawson stops her.* Dawson: You and I crisects til we're blue in the face but when it comes time to actually doing it, all we're left with is a couple of harmless kisses. I mean, the setting was right, the timing was perfect, but nothing happened. Why? Joey: I know why. Dawson: You do? Joey: Yeah. The same reason nothing happened with me. Dawson, it's not about the perfect setting. It's not about the perfect timing. Um, it's about the perfect person. *She walks out and heads for the door as Dawson stares after her. Joey is outside under the ledge sheltered from the rain. Dawson comes out.* Joey: Hey. *silence* Dawson: Why did you want me to think you slept with Jack? Joey: I don't know. I mean, I guess the same reason you wanted me to think that you slept with Jen. Dawson: That's not an answer. Joey: Well, that's the only answer you're going to get I guess. Dawson: I'm glad you didn't. Joey: I glad you didn't either. Dawson: Joey, I miss you. Joey: I miss you, too. Dawson: I don't know if we can recapture 15 years of what we had but I'd be willing to accept any small fraction you'd send my way. Joey: Well, maybe we could start slowly. Dawson: Okay...yeah. Joey: Okay. Dawson: Okay. *sighs* Well, it doesn't look like this rain is going to let up anytime soon so...what do you say we make a run for it? Joey: Mm-mm. I say we walk. *They start walking.* Dawson: What did you really think of my script? *He takes off his coat and holds it above them to shelter them from the rain.* Joey: You want the whole honest, bitter, cynical truth? Dawson: Yeah. Joey: Well, I have no idea. It was so mysterious. Dawson: You're definitely a mystery. Joey: I like the way you see me. *She smiles.* *They continue walking off into the distance together, Dawson holding his coat above their heads.*
Plan: A: Abby; Q: Who is furious with Jen for her cruelty to other people? A: an anonymous note; Q: What do Abby and Chris find at school? A: sex; Q: What did one of the class couples have the night before? A: the affair; Q: What does Abby set out to expose? A: clues; Q: What does Abby use to uncover the affair? A: Jack; Q: Who did Joey have a night of nude sketching with? A: Jen's; Q: Where did Dawson stop over for a steamy visit? A: Pacey; Q: Who went to bed and breakfast with Andie? A: her list; Q: What does Abby call together of suspects? A: the dirty secrets; Q: What does Abby reveal about Capeside? Summary: Abby and Chris find an anonymous note at school which reveals that one of the class couples had sex the night before. Abby sets out to expose the affair. Working from clues about Joey's night of nude sketching with Jack, Dawson's steamy stop over at Jen's, and Pacey's bed and breakfast trip with Andie, Abby calls together her list of suspects and reveals the dirty secrets of Capeside. Jen is furious and berates Abby for her endless cruelty to other people.
Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster. I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and swiss on wholewheat. Raj: What did they give you? Sheldon: Turkey and roast beef with swiss and lettuce on wholewheat. It's the right ingredients but in the wrong order. In a proper sandwich the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash. Leonard: I don't believe it. Sheldon: I know, it's basic culinary science. Leonard: Some guy is auctioning off a miniature time machine prop from the original film and no-one is bidding on it. Howard: A time machine from the movie The Time Machine? Leonard: No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice. Raj: Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie. Did you see it, it's rough. Howard: Oh, that's cool. Leonard: Uh-huh. Raj: It's only $800? Leonard: Yeah. And that's my bid. Sheldon: You bid $800. Leonard: It was a spur of the moment thing, I figured it would go for thousands and I just wanted to be a part of it. Sheldon: There's only 30 seconds left in the auction. Howard: Do you have $800? Leonard: Not to blow on a miniature time machine. Howard: Don't worry, the way these things work there's people waiting 'til the last second to bid, and then they swoop in and get it, it's called sniping. Raj: Fifteen seconds. Leonard: Come on, snipers. Raj: Ten, nine, eight... Leonard: Where are your snipers? Raj: Five. Leonard: Snipe. Raj: Four. Leonard: Snipe. Raj: Three. Leonard: Snipe! Raj: Two. Leonard: SNIPE! Raj: One. Leonard: Aaaa-aw! Raj: Congratulations, you are the proud owner of a miniature time machine. Howard: You lucky duck. Sheldon: I wonder why no-one else bid, this is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia. Leonard: Yeah, I know, I still can't afford it. Howard: Why don't we share it? We'll each put in two hundred bucks and we'll take turns having it in our homes. Raj: A time share time machine? I'm in. Sheldon? Sheldon: Need you ask? But I still don't understand why no-one else bid. Scene: The lobby. The guys stand around a full sized time machine. Sheldon: I understand why no-one else bid. Credits sequence Scene: The same Raj: Did the listing actually say miniature? Leonard: I just assumed. Who sells a full sized time machine for $800? Sheldon: In a venn diagram, that would be an individual located within the intersection of the sets "no longer want my time machine" and "need $800". Howard: It's actually a tremendous bargain, even with shipping it works out to less than four dollars a pound. Raj: Cocktain shrimp are $12.50. Leonard: How are we going to get it upstairs? Howard: If we take the dish off it might fit in the elevator. Leonard: Yes but the elevator's been broken for two years. Sheldon: I've been meaning to ask you, do you think we should make a call about that? Howard: Not necessary, I have a masters in engineering, I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis. I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads. When the Mars rover started pulling to the left I performed a front end alignment from 62 million miles away. (Presses lift button. Nothing happens.) No, that baby's broken. Scene: The stairwell, approaching the apartment door. Leonard and Sheldon are pulling the time machine up the last part of the stairs. Leonard: Come on, guys, push. Howard (off): If I push any harder I'm going to give birth to my colon. Raj (off): I can't feel my fingers, hurry up. Sheldon: It's the same amount of work no matter how fast you go, basic physics. Raj: Sheldon? Sheldon: Yeah. Raj: If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one. Penny (coming out of her apartment): Oh, hey guys. Leonard (letting go of time machine, as does Sheldon): Uh, hi Penny. (Raj and Howard are heard to scream as the time machine slides back down the stairs.) Take a break, guys! Penny: What are you doing? Leonard: Oh, just, you know, moving... something upstairs. Penny: What is it? Leonard: It's... you know, time machine. Penny: Yeah, okay, neat, but I really got to get to work, so.... Leonard: Uh, just give us a few minutes. Penny: I don't have a few minutes, I'm running really late. Sheldon: Then I have a simple solution, go up to the roof, hop over to the next building, there's a small gap, don't look down if you're subject to vertigo, and use their stairwell. Penny: You're joking, right? Sheldon: Oh, I never joke when it comes to vertigo. Penny: Damn, okay, I'll just take the roof. Leonard: Hey, if you wait for us to set up the time machine, I can drop you off at work yesterday. Time travel joke, it's not... never mind. Sheldon: For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous. Leonard: Let's just do this. Guys, ready to push? Raj: In a minute. Howard stepped outside to throw up. Scene: The living room. The time machine is set up. Sheldon: I don't know what you were worried about. I think it really works in the room. Leonard: Yeah. It is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned. Sheldon: The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor from Victorian England into the post-apocalyptic future, which society had splintered into two factions, the sub-terranean Morlocks, who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface dwelling Eloy. Howard: Talk about your chick magnets. Raj: Oh yeah. The guy who lives next to me is always like, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony. But wait until I tell him, I've got a time machine on my balcony. Stuff that in your speedos, Jacuzzi Bob! Sheldon: Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns, but I think you'd agree that practicality dictates it remain here. Howard: You can't just keep it here, what if I meet a girl and say, "you wanna come up and see my time machine, it's at my friends house," how lame is that? Raj: He's got a point. Sheldon: Alright, I think we're going to need some ground rules, in addition to the expected no shoes in the time machine and no eating in the time machine, I propose that we add pants must be worn at all times in the time machine. Leonard: Seconded. Howard: I was going to put down a towel. Raj: I still want it on my balcony. I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis. Leonard: That sounds fair. Sheldon: Hold on. Bi-monthly is an ambiguous term, do you mean move it every other month, or twice a month? Raj: Twice a month. Sheldon: Then no. Raj: Okay, every other month. Sheldon: No. Leonard: Sheldon, you can't be selfish, we all paid for it, so it belongs to all of us. Now out of the way so I can sit in my time machine. (Sits and turns it on. The three lights on the front illuminate. All let out an "oh".) Okay, I am setting the dials for March 10th, 1876. Howard: Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls out for Dr Watson. Sheldon: Wait a minute, I'd want to see that too. Leonard: So, when it's your turn you can. Sheldon: But if we all go back to the same point in time, Bell's lab is going to get very crowded, he'll know something's up. Raj: Also, since the time machine doesn't move in space, you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena. Howard: And even if you can make it to Boston, what are you going to do, knock on the door and say to Mrs Bell, "hey Mrs Bell, big fan of your husband, can I come in and watch him invent the telephone?" Raj: Mrs Bell was deaf, she's not even going to hear you knock. Sheldon: Oh, I have a solution, first go into the future and obtain a cloaking device. Raj: Ooh, how far into the future? Sheldon: If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3, which will be January 10th 2328 by pre-federation reckoning. Leonard: Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10th, 2328. Here we go into the future. (Pulls lever, the disk begins to spin. The other guys all run around the flat as if moving in fast motion.) That was fun. Raj: My turn. Penny (entering): Okay, first of all, what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide, I slipped and skinned my knee. Leonard: Are you okay? Penny: Zzz-zz-zz-zz! Second of all, the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked, so I had to go down the fire escape which ends on the third floor, forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family, who insisted I stay for lunch. Leonard: That doesn't sound too bad. Penny: It was eight courses of lamb, and they tried to fix me up with their son. Leonard: Sorry. Penny: Not done. By the time I finally got to work, they'd given my shift away. Yeah, that's right, I've lost an entire day's pay thanks to this... this... Sheldon: Time machine. Leonard: The lights flash and the dish spins, you wanna try it? Penny: No! I don't want to try it, my God, you are grown men, how could you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes and comic books and... and now that... that... Sheldon: Again, time machine. Penny: Oh please, it's not a time machine, if anything it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades. Sheldon: It only moves in time. It would be worse than useless in a swamp. Penny: Pathetic. All of you, completely pathetic. (Storms out. A beat, and then...) Raj: My turn! Scene: Later that night, Leonard is sitting in the time machine, turning the lights on and off. Sheldon enters. Sheldon: Leonard, it's two in the morning. Leonard: So? Sheldon: So it's my turn. Why did you set it for the day before yesterday? Leonard: Because I want to go back and keep myself from getting a time machine. Sheldon: You can't. If you were to prevent yourself from buying it in the past, you would not have it available in the present to travel back and stop yourself from buying it, ergo you would still have it. This is a classic rookie time travel mistake. Leonard: Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me? Sheldon: Same paradox. If you were to travel back in time and, say, knock me unconscious, you would not then have the conversation that irritated you, motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious. Leonard: What if I knocked you unconscious right now? Sheldon: It won't change the past. Leonard: But it would make the present so much nicer. Sheldon: Are you upset about something? Leonard: What was your first clue? Sheldon: Well, it was a number of things. First the late hour, then your demeanour seems very low energy, plus your irritability... Leonard: Yes I'm upset. Sheldon: Oh! I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me. Leonard: Yeah, good for you. Sheldon: Oh, wait. Did you want to talk about what's bothering you? Leonard: I don't know. Maybe. Sheldon: Wow, I'm on fire tonight. Leonard: Uh, here's the thing. Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines. Sheldon: I disagree. Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own. Leonard: Thanks for pointing it out. Sheldon: In addition, your premise is flawed. In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimeaux with that very time machine. In Back to the Future, Marty McFly got the opportunity to hook up with his extremely attractive young mother. Leonard: Those are movies. Sheldon: Well of course they're movies. Were you expecting me to come up with an example involving a real life time machine? That's absurd. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The stairwell. It is the previous day, and again Leonard and Sheldon are pulling the time machine up the stairs. Leonard: Come on, guys, push. Howard (off): If I push any harder I'm going to give birth to my colon. Penny (coming out of her apartment): Oh, hey guys. Leonard (letting go of time machine, as does Sheldon): Uh, hi Penny. (Raj and Howard are heard to scream as the time machine slides back down the stairs.) Take a break, guys! Penny: What are you doing? Leonard: Oh, just, you know, moving a... time machine. Penny: Yeah, okay, neat, but I really got to get to work, so.... Leonard: No problem. (Removes glasses, pulls down out of order tape from lift doors, and forces them open.) Hang on. (Takes Penny in his arms as he holds onto the lift cable.) Penny: But, what about your time machine. Leonard: Some things are more important than toys. (She puts her arms around his neck as he dangles from the cable.) Penny: Oh, I'm scared. Leonard: Don't worry baby, I've got you. Penny: Oh, Leonard. (Kisses him as they descend from view. Leonard wakes up still sitting in the time machine.) Sheldon: It's still my turn. Scene: The living room. Sheldon: What are you doing? Leonard: I'm packing up all my collectibles and taking them down to the comic book store to sell. Sheldon: Well is that really necessary. If you need money you can always sell blood. And semen. Leonard: It's not about money. Raj (entering): We brought food. Howard: Lox and bagels, the breakfast of time travellers. Leonard: Terrific, does anyone want to buy my share of the time machine? Raj: Why? Leonard: Because I don't want it any more. Howard: Why? Leonard: Just... personal reasons. Sheldon: My spidey-sense tells me this has something to do with Penny. Leonard: Look, do you want to buy me out or not? Raj: I'll give you a hundred dollars, which will make me half owner, and we'll put it on my balcony. Howard: Screw his balcony, I'll give you a hundred and twenty and we'll put it in my garage. Leonard: I paid two hundred dollars for my share. Raj: Dude, everyone knows a time machine loses half its value the minute you drive it off the lot. Sheldon: I'll go for two hundred, that time machine stays right where it is. Raj: Three hundred, and I'll throw in my original 1979 Mattel Millenium Falcon with real light speed sound effects. Leonard: No, no more toys or action figures or props or replicas or costumes or robots or Darth Vader voice changers, I'm getting rid of all of it. Howard: You can't do that, look what you've created here, it's like nerdvana. Raj: More importantly, you've a Darth Vader voice changer? Leonard: Not for long. Raj: Oh, I call dibs on the Golden Age Flash. Howard: Hang on, I need that to complete my Justice Society of America collection. Raj: Too bad, I called dibs. Howard: Well you can't just call dibs. Raj: I can and I did, look up dibs on Wikipedia. Sheldon: Dibs doesn't apply in a bidding war. Leonard: It's not a bidding war, I'm selling it all to Larry down at the comic book store. Raj: Why Larry? Did Larry call dibs? Howard: Will you forget dibs! Leonard: He offered me a fair price for the whole collection. Sheldon: What's the number, I'll match it. Raj: I'll match it, plus a thousand rupees. Sheldon: What's the exchange rate. Raj: None of your business. Take it or leave it. Howard (on phone): Mom, my bar-mizvah bonds, how much do I got? Thanks. I can go twenty six hundred dollars and two trees in Israel. Leonard: Forget it guys, if I sell to one of you, the other two are going to be really mad at me. Sheldon: Who cares, as long as you pick me. Raj: Okay, Leonard, put down the box, let's talk. Leonard: Sorry Raj, my mind is made up. Sheldon (moving to block his path): No. I can't let you do this. Leonard: Sheldon, get out of my way. Sheldon (brandishing toy sword from Leonard's box): None shall pass. Leonard: Okay. I did not want to do this but, I have here the rare mint condition production error Star Trek: The Next Generation Geordi LaForge, without his visor in the original packaging. If you do not get out of my way, I will open it. Howard: Okay man, be cool, we're all friends here. Penny (coming out of her flat): What the hell's going on? Sheldon: You hypocrite! Penny: What? Sheldon: Little Miss "grown ups don't play with toys". If I were to go into that apartment right now, would I find Beanie Babies? Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies? And who is that Japanese feline I see frolicking on your shorts? Hello,Hello Kitty! Penny: Okay, okay look, if this is about yesterday, Leonard, I am really sorry about what I said, I was just a bit upset. Leonard: No, I needed to hear it. Penny: No you didn't. Look, you are a great guy, and it is things you love that make you who you are. Howard: I guess that makes me large breasts. Leonard: Still, I think it's time for me to get rid of this stuff and... you know... move on with my life. Penny: Really? Leonard: Yeah. Penny: Oh. Wow. Good for you. (Kisses his cheek.) Leonard: Thanks. Hey, do you want to, I don't know, later... Good looking man coming up stairs: Excuse me. Hey, Penny! Penny: Hi Mike. Mike: Are you ready to go. Penny: Yeah, I just have to change. Mike: I'll give you a hand. Penny: Oh, stop it! Bye guys. Leonard (after a long pause): My turn on the time machine. Scene: A jungle. As the camera moves, the time machine becomes visible. Sheldon is sitting in it The disk stops spinning, and he looks around. The dials read APR 28 802,701. Sheldon: It worked. It really worked. They said I was mad, but it worked. (Large hairy creatures with glowing eyes emerge from the forest and walk towards him menacingly.) Oh no, not Morlocks! Not flesh-eating Morlocks! He-e-e-e-e-e-e-elp! (With a yelp, he wakes up in the time machine in the living room.) Leonard: Sheldon, are you okay? Sheldon: We have to get rid of the time machine. Leonard: It is a little big for the living room, isn't it? Sheldon: Yeah, that's the problem, it's too big. Leonard: I'm glad you agree. I hired some guys to help us move it, come on in fellas. (A pair of Morlocks come through the door.) Sheldon: Oh no, Morlocks? Eat him, eat him. Aaaaargh. (Sheldon wakes up in his own bed.) Leonard!
Plan: A: an online auction; Q: Where did Leonard buy the replica of the time machine? A: Leonard; Q: Who buys a full-sized replica of the time machine from the 1960 film The Time Machine? A: a miniature; Q: What did Leonard think the replica of the Time Machine was? A: Penny; Q: Who apologizes to Leonard for accusing her of hypocrisy? A: a work shift; Q: What did Penny lose because of the time machine? A: childish memorabilia; Q: What does Penny think Leonard and Sheldon are obsessed with? A: all his collectibles; Q: What does Leonard decide to sell after Penny's lash out? A: His friends; Q: Who tries to dissuade Leonard from selling his collectibles? A: Sheldon; Q: Who accuses Penny of hypocrisy? A: Hello Kitty; Q: What is Penny's favorite character? A: his belongings; Q: What does Leonard decide to keep after Penny apologizes to him? A: a relationship; Q: What does Leonard hope to have with Penny? A: Mike; Q: Who is Penny's current boyfriend? A: her apartment; Q: Where does Penny's current boyfriend pull her to? A: Morlocks; Q: What does Sheldon have nightmares about being attacked by? A: the time machine replica; Q: What does Sheldon convince Leonard to return? Summary: In an online auction, Leonard buys a full-sized replica of the time machine from the 1960 film The Time Machine, believing it to be a miniature. The men's efforts to move the cumbersome object into the apartment cause Penny to lose a work shift, and she lashes out at them for their obsession with childish memorabilia. This upsets Leonard, who decides to sell all his collectibles. His friends try to dissuade him, but they also want his collectibles and argue over who should get what. Sheldon later accuses Penny of hypocrisy, pointing out her own love of such things as Hello Kitty or Care Bears. Penny apologizes to Leonard and dissuades him from abandoning the things he loves; he decides to keep his belongings. His hope of a relationship with her is thus very briefly renewed until her current boyfriend Mike appears and pulls her into her apartment. Sheldon later has nightmares of being attacked by Morlocks, and persuades Leonard to return the time machine replica.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Sark: If I am to understand what you're saying you have no idea where you've been for the last two years?” Syd/Jack “I'll do what I can to ensure this (her killing Lazarey) remains our secret ” scene in the flirting corner. Lauren/Jack/Marshall w/ Russian security tape of Sydney murdering Lazarey. Lauren: “It's not enough to make a positive ID, is it?” Marshall: “Give me 72 hours I think I can identify this woman ” Sydney shooting the “evil doctor” from the Covenant. Doctor: “You kept your promise you said you would kill me. You were my favorite you never broke ” Sydney begs “evil doctor” to tell her why the Covenant took two years of her life. (We see the black and white video footage Jack had of Sydney killing Lazarey. As he falls to the ground, Lazarey turns to look at her. He appears to say something to her.) Sydney: There you see that? (Cut to Sydney sitting at the breakfast bar in her apartment, watching the footage on Jack's laptop. Jack stands looking over her shoulder.) Jack: No. (Sydney backs up the video slowly, replays the part after she's slit Lazarey's throat.) Sydney: What do you mean? L look there he's saying he's saying “Jule or Julie ” Jack: He could be saying any number of things. Sydney, I have already subjected this video to the most intense technological scrutiny available to the CIA. Sydney (almost whispering to herself): Maybe Julia Jack: If you want me to do a reanalysis, fine, but you have to stop punishing yourself. Sydney: There's gotta be something in there that can lead us to (Jack slams the lid closed on the laptop.) Jack: Sydney, no good will come from doing this. Sydney: I committed a murder I have no memory of; this isn't about punishment! Jack: I understand this haunts you, but you have to stop Sydney: Yes, it haunts me! I lost two years! I do not have one memory of that time; all I have is this. (She's emotional about this, but not out of control. Her eyes look slightly watery.) I killed a man I killed a defenseless man in cold blood. What was I thinking? Did I know it was Sark's father? What would compel me to do something like this!? Did someone condition me? If they did what else did they have me do? Jack (being strong and supportive for Sydney): I've been living with these same questions of over a year. We have no answers yet. When you compelled the NSC to release me from prison, you told me you'd done so because you needed your father; that you needed my strength. Twelve months in solitary would have an effect on anyone; something that allowed me to stay focused was your strength. Don't lose it now (Sydney looks at her father, teary but grateful for his support and belief in her. Her cell phone rings. She answers it, wiping a tear from her cheek.) Sydney: Hello? Yeah. I'll be right there. (She hangs up the phone and pauses a minute.) Sydney: That was Lauren (She looks up and meets her father's eyes.) Lauren (voiceover): Twenty hours ago in Cannes (Cut to Sydney and Lauren walking in step through the JTF Center.) Lauren: A four man team broke into an epidemiology lab. The place did cutting edge vaccine research into viruses like West Nile, HIV, and Ebola. Sydney: What were they after? Lauren: They took four vials containing strains of Ebola. The 5th was damaged during the heist, infecting one of the team members Sydney: The one we're questioning? Lauren: Laszlo Bogdan, a Hungarian national. He's an expert at cracking high-end security systems. He's in isolation at the Stafford Naval Hospital. Sydney: And the French just handed him over to us? Lauren: Apparently they share our desire to learn more about the Covenant. Sydney: Why did the NSC want me in on this? Lauren: I wanted you (Sydney looks at Lauren with a “The what? With the who?” look) Lauren: Michael said you were the best. (Lauren walks off. Sydney stops in her tracks, watching her go, still shocked at this new turn of events.) (Cut to helicopter landing at Stafford Naval Hospital. Cut to Lauren opening a vacuum-sealed door. Sydney walks in behind her. The doors shut as the two woman stare at something. Lauren takes a few steps forward. The camera pans to reveal Bogdan, severely infected with Ebola, close to death, behind a sealed plastic curtain. Sydney walks up to stand next to Lauren.) Lauren: Mr. Bogdan, can you hear me? (Bogdan turns his head slightly to look at her. Sydney watches from the side as Lauren speaks.) Lauren: My name is Lauren Reed; I work for the United States Government. I've been sent here to find out whom you were working for. Who is responsible for putting you in the condition you're in now? Bogdan: Leave! (Lauren looks disappointed. She looks over at Sydney, who nods once. They exchange places. Sydney pulls up a rolling stool and sits down next to the curtain.) Sydney (soft-toned, sincere, convincing): Mr. Bogdan, I don't know what your beliefs are if you have a faith if you expect that something follows this life You might have none. But if there is a chance that there is something else that we face the consequences of our actions in this lifetime, Mr. Bogdan This is your last chance to do what's right. (Bogdan turns his head to look at Sydney.) Sydney: There's no one left to be afraid of (Cut to Lauren, looking from Sydney to Bogdan, not sure if Sydney's tactic is working, but hoping it is ) Sydney: no one to be loyal to. There's only yourself. Whoever it was who stole this virus that's eating through your body needs to be stopped. (Bogdan is making unbroken eye contact with Sydney. She's reaching him.) Sydney: Please Bogdan: I never met the man who hired us I cannot help you stop the second job (Sydney's eyes widen, she turns to look at Lauren in shock. Lauren looks back, just as stunned.) (Cut to LA by day flying over a building as if by helicopter. Cut to Lauren, leaning against the Conference room table, talking. The others sit at the table, listening: Dixon, Marshall, Weiss and Vaughn on one side, Sydney and Jack on the other (Lauren's empty seat is on this side, next to Jack.) Lauren: Agent Bristow got Bogdan to admit there is a second heist in the works. While we believe the stolen samples have already been delivered to the Covenant, Bogdan says they will not be used until after this second job. Sydney: He said they were planning to modify the virus. Vaughn: Why is that? Jack: We can assume what they've stolen is merely a precursor agent requiring further synthesis. (Lauren sits down.) Weiss: Okay, does everyone here speak Science? Marshall (duh): Yeah Weiss: No Marshall they don't Marshall: Oh sorry I could help explain Weiss: That'd be great Marshall: Okay (he stands up) Okay, well, um what they nabbed, we'll call that um, peanut butter you know yummy, nutty, creamy deliciousness (this elicits a droll look from Dixon) on its own, but you, um, mix something else in equally tasty oh! Perhaps chocolat Dixon (warning): Marshall Marshall: Sorry they're most likely going after the means to mutate the virus to make it even more infectious Sydney: Ebola is a level 4 pathogen; that's the highest classification How could it be any worse!? Marshall: They could make it airborne (Sydney reacts to this news.) Sydney: And we have no idea what the Covenant's endgame is. Dixon: No. But we do know who the team is they hired for these jobs Simon Walker point man on the Damascus armory job in 99 and the 2002 break-in at Vector. Cold-blooded contract guy; only uses other freelancers. This time his team included Javier Perez, former Lieutenant in Cuban Special Forces; munitions expert and tactical advisor to the group. Avery Russet, acquisitions vehicles, equipment, weapons. Finally, Laszlo Bogdan, security deceased as of twenty minutes ago (Cut to a shared look between Lauren and Sydney) Dixon: We know there's another heist in the works; Mr. Walker will need a replacement. (Dixon gives a telling look to Sydney.) Sydney: You want me to take Bogdan's place on their team. Lauren: Walker's already been picked up on Echelon. We know he's in the market Dixon: It's deep cover. The risks are obvious but this is an opportunity. The Covenant will take possession of whatever the team steals. If you can place a tracking device on that, we believe it will lead us to their center of operations. Walker's in Sevilla; you'll go in as a freelance security expert (hands Sydney a file folder). Vaughn and Weiss, you're on backup. Lauren, I want you to go see Sloane; have him use his contacts find out what they're after. (Looks back at Sydney.) You leave in two hours. (Jack looks at Sydney.) (Cut to Lauren, sitting at her terminal at the JTF, apparently working on some sort of report. Vaughn comes up from behind her, bends over and places a hand on her upper arms from behind. She smiles.) Vaughn: I'll come by after op-tech. Lauren: Okay (Vaughn kisses her on the temple, while Lauren kisses the air at him (this seemed very natural, a very ‘married, couple-ish' thing to do, not at all as obnoxious as it sounds). Vaughn straightens up and turns to leave.) Lauren: Oh, hey, real quick. The report you wrote on the infiltration of the COG bunker? You didn't give any details on the weapons that Sark was using Vaughn: Uh, no I didn't but that's not really the point of the report. Lauren (this wasn't the response she'd expected): Well Vaughn (eyebrows raised, slightly sarcastic): That's the point of the report!? Lauren: Well, it's not the point but it's important (Lauren stands and faces Vaughn now.) Vaughn: How is it important? We broke into the bunker and destroyed the facility Lauren: Honey, you know how much I depend on the details its how I form my questions I need to Vaughn (cutting her off He's annoyed imagine the face he made when Sydney asked him what he was hiding (the incident with the key to his apartment ) and that's the face he has now): Who cares about the weapons!? Lauren (eyes wide, she can't believe he's being so defensive about this): I care! Vaughn: I've been doing this for a long time! Lauren: All I'm asking is that you be more specific Vaughn (controlled annoyance): I've never gotten notes on my reports before Lauren (now also controlled annoyance): The better you do your job; the better I'll do mine (Vaughn looks like he's fighting to control his temper. He's very tense. He looks down; his jaw is tight. Finally, he meets Lauren's eyes again.) Vaughn (tense pause, then stiffly): It was a CZ 100 9 millimeter. (Lauren nods, looking slightly apologetic. Vaughn feels badly, too, but appears to still feel he was right that it was an unimportant detail. He walks off.) (Cut to CIA jet, flying at night. Cut to Weiss, sound asleep with operation notes spread on his lap. Pan to Sydney in the seat behind him, studying her op notes. Vaughn sits down in the seat opposite Sydney.) Vaughn: We can't risk them picking up any stray radio transmissions, so I'll be monitoring you with a laser mic; I'll be able to hear you, but you won't be able to communicate with me. (Vaughn holds out a white tube he's been fingering. Sydney takes it from him.) Sydney: What's this? Vaughn: That's the tracking device. Marshall put a transmitter chip there on the back. There's an adhesive. Now, assuming Simon accepts you into the group, you'll use that to tag whatever it is you're gonna be stealing, and we'll track it back to the Covenant. (Sydney removes the cover and rolls up the lipstick to check its color. She looks at it and then ) Sydney (deadpan): You know, peach isn't really in this season. Vaughn (playing along): I heard peach was the new green. (Vaughn smiles softly.) Sydney: I thought beige was the new green (Sydney smiles even wider.) Vaughn: No, beige is the new peach. (Vaughn smiles wider, too Sydney nods, a big grin on her face.) Sydney: Okay (They stare at each other, and the smiles slide off their faces, and their looks turn nostalgic. The camaraderie that came so easy to them is replaced by the realization of how different their life is now.) Vaughn (quietly): You've got a lot of reading to do (With a polite half-smile, he gets up and leaves her to her work. We focus in on Sydney's face; her eyes show us this pains her.) (Cut to black. SEVILLA. Push through the I. A club. Men and women flamenco dance to the sound of a man playing upbeat Spanish guitar music. We slide over to the entrance where Sydney, dressed in long wavy brown hair (halfway down her back think Elektra from Daredevil), a black sleeveless top, leather pants and black high heels, strides in. She struts her stuff as she walks by the camera. We slide to the upstairs, where a private party is going on. People mingle, drink, sitting at small tables. We pull in on a man in black, sitting at the bar with his back to the camera. He's watching a black and white monitor. We see Sydney appear on the screen, speaking to the guard at the bottom of the stairs. The man turns on the audio so he can hear their conversation.) Guard (in Spanish): You can't go up. Private party. (Cut to Sydney and the guard.) Sydney (in Spanish): Let me make it worth your while. Guard (in Spanish): No, the gentlemen inside already have. (Slide across a bar to reveal Vaughn and Weiss on surveillance, watching Sydney speak to the man at the bottom of the stairs. Vaughn has his hand up to his ear, as if listening to a headphone.) Vaughn (irritated): I'm losing the signal! Weiss: I'm aiming the mic right at her Vaughn: I should have worn the ring Weiss: Get over yourself, okay? No one aims the mic like I do (Close up of Weiss' hand where he aims a ring that obviously contains the mic.) Guard (voiceover, in Spanish): Please, walk away for your own good (Cut to guard, who opens his coat to reveal a handgun.) Guard: or I'll have to accompany you. (Sydney holds up her hand in a “Fine, whatever” sort of gesture and starts to walk away. Suddenly, the guard puts a hand to his ear, listening on his comms. He grabs Sydney's arm to keep her from leaving.) Guard (in Spanish): Excuse me, ma'am. Mr. Walker would like to speak to you. Sydney: Gracias. (Sydney climbs the stairs to enter the private party. Walker stubs out a cigarette at the bar and starts walking toward Sydney. She walks toward him.) Sydney: Hello Walker: Hello (Walker continues to walk closer and gives Sydney a long kiss. When he pulls back, we momentarily see the surprise in Sydney's eyes.) Walker: Good to see you, Julia. (Sydney takes a beat, letting this sink in. She was right about Lazarey calling her Julia, because this man has also. He obviously knows her from her missing two years.) Sydney: Good to see you, too. (Walker smiles at her. Sydney smiles back. Cut to black. Alias theme. End of Act One.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Slide across the bar to Weiss and Vaughn at the bar downstairs.) Weiss: Who the hell is Julia!? Vaughn: Hell if I know Weiss: It's not an alias she's ever used with us before Vaughn: There's no mention of a Julia in her SD-6 files Weiss: Right. Which means, last two years, when she was supposedly being held by the Covenant Vaughn: What You think she was operational!? Weiss: I think this guy just called her Julia (Cut to Walker and Sydney) Walker: Where in the bloody hell have you been? Sydney: Isn't that the question of the day? Walker: Oh, come on, I know you can do better than that Sydney: A girl's gotta have some secrets Walker: All right, look, all right, at least tell me what's with the new look I barely recognized you Sydney: I hope you weren't disappointed Walker: No. No but I've missed you Julia (Cut to Weiss and Vaughn. Neither of them look happy. Vaughn looks worried. Cut back to Walker.) Walker: Uh, you know I've missed working with you Sydney: Why do you think I came back? Walker: (laughs) You're a right nutter, you are Sydney: I heard about Bogdan (Walker looks off, wiping his eye. He looks like he actually cared what happened to Bogdan.) Walker: Yeah .that was too bad. Now, you never met Bogdan? (this is half question and half a statement) Sydney: No Walker: Yeah, you'd have liked him. Sydney: I wanna take his place. Walker: Well, as it happens, we do have a job coming up but Bogdan was security Sydney: I know. (Walker takes a drink from his glass and then teases ) Walker: What? No future in murder? Sydney: I am a girl with many talents Walker (nodding): Yeah Sydney: And I'm your man. Walker: Hmm. (Cut to dusk in Zurich.) Lauren (voiceover): Tell us what you know about Simon Walker. (Cut to Lauren and Sloane. It appears as if it could be the same table she, Vaughn and Sydney sat at last week.) Lauren: We know he's on a job for the Covenant, but we don't know what he's after. This details the first of what we believe to be two related heists. (shoves a file folder across the table at Sloane.) We think that whatever the Covenant has hired Mr. Walker to obtain will in some way augment the virus they stole earlier this week. (Sloane studies the files with a smirk on his face.) Sloane: I must admit, I was concerned for you when Sydney resurfaced (Cut to Lauren. She really doesn't want to discuss this with Sloane.) Sloane: I remembered seeing her with Vaughn their relationship reminded me my own with my late wife It was the kind of bond that even death cannot sever. Hmmm. Well, apparently I misjudged. Lauren (tightly): Whatever information you can uncover will be greatly appreciated Sloane: Ah, Ms. Reed you shouldn't doubt yourself. You're very good at what you do despite how you got the job Lauren (she doesn't want it to, but this jab affects her.): What does that mean? (Sloane takes a renewed interest in the files she gave him, studying them as if she hadn't said anything to him.) Sloane: I'll see what I can do, hmm? (Cut to Sydney sitting at the bar. Simon walks up with the other two team members.) Walker: Meet the fellas Avery, Javier this is Julia. Avery: I can see why you wanted her along Javier: There's no time for small talk. Walker: Oh, I know (to Sydney) Are you ready? Sydney (feigning indifference): For what? Walker: Look, you used to say you were ready for anything (Sydney turns to look at him. Cut to the four of them stalking through the bottom level of the club. As they turn the corner to head outside, right past Weiss and Vaughn, we see Walker place his hand on Sydney's behind and squeeze it. Slide over to Weiss and Vaughn for reaction. Vaughn does not look happy.) Vaughn (to Weiss): Let's go. (Cut to a black Hummer pulling up in front of a hotel. Cut to Simon and Sydney as he puts the Hummer in park.) Walker: Princess Demetria is in town on holiday Sydney: How nice for her (Cut to Weiss and Vaughn in the van, listening on comms) Walker: Mmm The Spanish royal family is throwing a party in her honor tomorrow night (Cut back to Walker) Walker (snickering): and in typical Demetria fashion, she plans on sporting a hundred and fifty carat diamond necklace (Walker looks at Sydney) Pity really, because it's up in the penthouse with her right now, gathering dust in a safe Sydney: You want me to steal it Walker: Well, consider it your interview (Cut to Vaughn and Weiss in van. Vaughn gives Weiss a look. Worry is etched all over Vaughn's face.) Walker: I'd like to see you wearing that necklace (Cut to Sydney in the Hummer) Sydney: Just the necklace, right? Walker: Mmmmm. (Perez hands her a case from the back seat. She opens it. There is only a tranquilizer dart gun in it. She pulls it out, then gives a sideways glance at Simon.) Sydney: You want me to steal the necklace with this!? Perez: We have something else for you Russet (speaking on cell phone, in Spanish): Get me the police. (Sydney looks exasperatedly at Walker.) Walker: Well, look they don't trust you yet and I'm not sure I do, either (Cut to Weiss and Vaughn in van, exchanging another anxious look.) Russet (in Spanish,voiceover): There's a robbery in progress at the Hotel Sevilla. (Cut back to Hummer) Perez: The police will be here in about 7 minutes (Sydney gets out of Hummer. She enters the lobby of the hotel. Cut to her in a hallway. She comes across the maid's closet. She pulls a bobby pin from her hair and picks the lock to the room and steps inside.) (Cut to Russet in the Hummer, leaning forward to speak to Walker.) Russet: You really think she's that good? Walker: Oh yes well, she used to be (Cut to an elevator door opening on the 15th floor. Sydney comes out, dressed like a maid, carrying three thick, fluffy folded towels. She turns the corner and reaches the entrance to the Princess's suite. There is a guard next to the door, reading a newspaper.) Sydney (in Spanish): Turn-down service? (The guard looks at her for a moment over the top of his paper, then resumes reading.) Guard: No. (Sydney slides the tranq gun out from under two of the towels and shoots the guard in the neck. He passes out and Sydney reaches out to steady him in his seat. Cut to Weiss and Vaughn, watching the police cars appear on their monitors.) Weiss (nervous): We should call them off! Vaughn: We do that, they'll know Syd's got a tail there's nothing we can do. (Cut to Sydney accessing the suite. She looks around and then enters the Princess's bedroom. She is asleep in the bed. Sydney finds the safe: an ordinary turn-dial combination safe. Cut to the lobby of the hotel. The police arrive and speak to the front desk clerk.) Clerk: Una problema? Police (in Spanish): We received a call that you're being robbed. Clerk (in Spanish): Please have a look around. Police(in Spanish): We're going to investigate. (Cut to Sydney. She takes the telephone off the bedside table. She unscrews the mouthpiece and removes it from the headset, using it as a stethoscope to hear the tumblers in the safe as she cracks it. Cut to the police arriving on the penthouse floor. Cut back to Sydney, cracking the safe. Cut back to the police. They find the guard passed out at the door. Cut to Sydney. She's gotten the safe open and removes the diamond necklace. The door to the suite breaks open as the police enter. The noise wakes the princess.) Sydney (to princess as she tranqs her): Sorry (Princess passes out. Sydney locks the door to the bedroom. She opens the slider and gets onto the balcony. She looks around desperately for an escape route and then looks down to see a large pool in the courtyard below the balcony. The police are yelling for the princess to speak to them, then begin breaking down the bedroom door. Realizing she's run out of time, Sydney rips open the maid's outfit, revealing a black bra and matching underwear. Sydney puts herself over the side of the balcony, just standing on the ledge and holding on. The police break down the door and find the tranquilized princess. They start to look toward the curtain billowing in front of the open balcony door Sydney lets go and dives down into the pool. She climbs out and a man holds out a white terrycloth robe for her. She smiles at him, dries her face with it and puts it on. Cut to Vaughn and Weiss' security feed. They see Sydney, barefoot, in white robe exit the hotel and get back into Walker's Hummer. Pan over to Weiss' face. He's clearly impressed.) Weiss: Whatever she just did, man She's good she is really good [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Vaughn's face. He lets out a tense breath and his shoulders drop with relief. Intense worry and relief are all over his face. Cut to Sydney, getting into the Hummer. Looking back at the men in the back seat, she says ) Sydney: I had time for a swim (The camera pans from Sydney, still panting with exertion, to the dashboard. Sydney puts her foot up and the diamond necklace is double wrapped around Sydney's ankle.) Walker: Right I've got a meeting in Paris tomorrow night; we'll meet at the safehouse on Thursday to spec out the mission (Walker hands Sydney a folder) Here's the tech you'll need (Sydney smiles at him and grabs the folder.) Walker: Well, welcome to the team (Walker and Sydney look at each other. Cut to black. End of Act Two.) [SCENE_BREAK] (CIA jet, flying, evening. Cut to Sydney and Vaughn facing each other in the seats. Sydney is studying the info about the heist given to her by Walker. Vaughn watches her, looking pensive.) Sydney: I need to learn how to crack an S305 safe Vaughn (a bit tense, something's bothering him): Weiss is on with Marshall, approving the specs for you Sydney (not looking up, still studying mission info): Thanks. (Sydney looks up and meets Vaughn's eyes. He doesn't look happy. Sydney tries a tiny smile at him, but his expression doesn't change. Finally, she looks aside and sighs.) Sydney: Okay, I know you think this op is too dangerous for me to continue Vaughn: Yes, I do (He looks at Sydney for a long moment) but that's not what I was gonna say. (Sydney leans forward, resting her elbow on the desk in front of her and rest her chin in the palm of her hand, fingers curled upward a very Irina-like pose ) Sydney: So What? Vaughn: I've never worked with anyone who can improvise better than you can but when Simon called you Julia your reaction you didn't seem surprised. Sydney: Vaughn Vaughn: No tell me what's going on. (They look at each other for another long moment. Sydney's eyes say she wants to tell him, but she knows she can't. Vaughn takes her hesitation as something else. He leans across the table toward her and says earnestly ) Vaughn: Look, I know we're not where we were but even before then, professionally, we never kept secrets from each other. I'm still on your side Sydney: You're right we're not where we were. And trust me when I tell you, I am doing you a favor by keeping you out of it. Vaughn (annoyed by her answer): No, that is not gonna work with me Sydney: It's gonna have to I can't afford to make a distinction between professional and personal; not in my life. I mean, this job took two years from me. Everything is personal. (Vaughn sits back. He is clearly unhappy and unsatisfied with her answer. Sydney looks down, not meeting his eyes. Her voice isn't quite so hard now.) Sydney: As much as I wish I could trust you the responsibilities you have now require me not to. Vaughn: Responsibilities!? What the hell does that mean!? What Lauren!? (Sydney gives a hint of a bitter smile for an answer and looks back down. Vaughn takes the hint.) Vaughn: What, because she's NSC, or because she's my wife!? Or is that distinction irrelevant!? (Arguing with Vaughn pains her; we see it in her eyes. She shakes her head slightly.) Sydney: I'm not punishing you You think I am I'm not. (Sydney and Vaughn are giving each other hurt, angry, annoyed looks. The tension between them is thick. Then Weiss comes out from another part of the plane holding a little cup of peanuts, snacking from it. He walks up and sees the two them.) Weiss: What? Somebody die? (Cut to PAMPLONA the safehouse. Walker walks into a main room where Perez and Russet are working on specs.) Walker: He pumped my contact apparently by disabling the power, we're going to alert off-site security. (Perez holds up a manila envelope for Walker to take.) Perez: We have a bigger problem (Walker takes the envelope.) Walker: What's that? Perez: Julia (Walker takes the photos out of the envelope and looks at them. We can't see what they are of.) (Cut to overhead shot of LA by day.) Jack (voiceover): Vaughn's been quizzing me about Julia. (Cut to Jack and Sydney in JTF conference room.) Jack: I tried shutting down his inquiry, but apparently something you said has made that impossible. Sydney: All I said was that I couldn't talk about it. Jack: Which, of course, has only peaked his interest. Sydney: What peaked his interest was hearing Simon Walker call me Julia and then kiss me like his prom date! I can't compel Vaughn to stop being curious. Jack: I don't need to remind you of the consequence if Lauren and the NSC connect you to the assassination of Lazarey. They will subject you to detailed, invasive and painful procedures in the name of extracting your lost memory. Sydney: Yes, all of that could happen And you know, at this point, I'm starting to think that might be a good thing I'm thinking maybe I should have let them hook me up when I first got back find out what they could because, however painful that would be it couldn't be as painful as not knowing. Jack: Yes, it can. (Jack gets up and leaves) Marshall: Okay, now I figured out how to crack that safe that you have to crack. I got this idea during Carrie's last ultrasound Check this out. You ready? Okay, now, um now while the software manipulates the voltage to crack the encryption algorithm (Cut to Sydney and Carrie watching Marshall, then back to Marshall) this monitors the locking mechanism by using imaging and audio it hears Carrie: It's like an x-ray and stethoscope in one. Sydney: So once I rewire the keypad and attach the probe, the software will do the rest. Marshall: Yeah, it shouldn't take longer than a couple of minutes. Now, I know what you're wondering boy or girl? Well, she won't tell me Carrie (exasperated): Marshall, I don't know! Marshall: She knows. That's okay, though, because I've come up with a solution to solve this predicament (searches through stuff on his desk and finds a piece of paper) Unisex names. Now this is what I've come up with so far: (Carrie rolls her eyes and Sydney looks politely amused) Jody, Sam, Alex, Andy, Francis, Frank (to Carrie) that could be with a “ph” (Carrie gives Sydney a look that says, “Can you believe this!?”) Randy, Terry, Jan, Don (Dixon's Assistant walks in, interrupting Marshall.) Assistant: Ms. Bristow? (Sydney and Carrie turn to look at her.) Director would like to see you in his office. (She walks away. Sydney smiles at Carrie and Marshall.) Sydney: Excuse me. (She leaves.) Marshall (picking up the safe cracking device and holding it toward Carrie's stomach): You know I could find out right now Carrie: Touch me with that thing and you die! (Cut to Vaughn and Sydney, walking in step toward Dixon's office.) Sydney: Do you know what this is about? Vaughn: No. (Vaughn is more stiff and curt than he usually is with her, as if he's still upset about their discussion on the plane.) (Cut to Dixon, and Jack standing next to him in the Director's office.) Dixon: Your father showed me your videotape. (Sydney looks over at her father, shocked. Vaughn looks between Jack and Sydney and then asks ) Vaughn: What videotape? Dixon: The videotape that clearly identifies Sydney as the murderer of a Russian diplomat, Adrian Lazarey. (Vaughn gives Sydney a betrayed look. Sydney can't bring herself to look at him. As Dixon continues speaking, Vaughn gives both Sydney and Jack long glares and crosses his arms in front of him.) Your father has also informed me that since you returned, you've conspired to keep this information from both this CIA and the NSC because you were afraid you'd be pulled off active duty. (Dixon looks disappointed. Sydney's eyes are full of sorrow and regret as she looks at him.) Agent Vaughn, you weren't aware of any of this? Vaughn: No, sir. (Dixon nods his understanding.) Dixon: I agree with Jack that your complicity in Lazarey's murder may not have been voluntary. And seeing as you have no memory of the incident, it's premature to pass judgment. (Sydney gives her father a betrayed look here.) Sydney, Jack if I find out you've concealed any more information from me, you will feel the full weight of this office bearing down on you. That said, we in too deep with the current operation. We can't allow the Covenant to get their hands on bio-weapons. So, you're going back in as scheduled. Sydney: Yes, sir. Dixon: Given my discretion to compartmentalize information during an ongoing operation, I'm withholding this information from the NSC. That means, Agent Vaughn, that you are prohibited from discussing any of this with your wife. Is that understood? (Vaughn is resigned to this fate, but the burden of lying to his wife is already present.) Vaughn (in a half-whisper): Yeah. (He gives Sydney another look of betrayal.) Sydney (voiceover): You wanna tell me what that was about!? (Cut to Sydney and Jack walking away from Dixon's office.) Sydney: I thought you said we need to keep this secret! Jack: Yes, from the NSC which is what we've done. (They stop walking, Sydney turns to face Jack.) Sydney: You knew Dixon would order Vaughn to keep this from Lauren If the NSC found out, I'd be pulled. Jack: In time, you would have come to the same conclusion. Sydney: Maybe, yes, but I wouldn't have acted on it. The last thing I want is to be responsible for driving a wedge between Vaughn and Lauren. Jack: That is a concern I do not share. (Sydney turns and walks away, leaving Jack to stare after her.) (Cut to Vaughn rounding a corner and seeing Lauren.) Vaughn: Hey! (Lauren looks up, excuses herself from the person she was speaking to and walks over to Vaughn. They give each other a peck and then walk around the corner.) Vaughn: How was Sloane? Lauren: It was okay Vaughn: Yeah? Lauren: You're off? Vaughn: Mmmhmm. Lauren: Me, too. (pause) Aren't we the jet set couple? (Vaughn pauses; guilt is already weighing on him.) Vaughn: You were right about before; those details do matter; I shouldn't leave them out Lauren: It's okay Vaughn: Yeah (pause) I miss you. (Cut to Walker, looking at the photos Perez gave him. Perez is leaning against a wall. Walker looks at them one by one and then drops them on the seat beside him. He looks a bit dejected.) Perez: I knew she couldn't be trusted (Walker puts his head in his hand as if massaging away a headache. The camera pans slowly to the photos as Perez continues talking.) Perez: She never went to Milan She was with him (Focus in on black and white photo on top of stack of Sydney and Vaughn. Cut to black. End of Act Three.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Black screen. PAMPLONA. Push through the 2nd P. Cut to a deserted Pamplona street at night. Cut to Sydney and Vaughn in the surveillance van getting ready. Sydney puts on her leather jacket and Vaughn puts on his headset. Sydney lets out a big sigh. Vaughn seems very tense. The air is thick between them. Sydney looks at Vaughn, pauses and then says tentatively ) Sydney: Vaughn? (Vaughn takes a split second, and then turns to her. His eyes still hold the pain of his felt betrayal, while still being worried for her on this mission. Cut back to Sydney.) Sydney: What my dad did I never wanted you to have to keep secrets from Lauren. Vaughn nods slightly, looks back at his computer screen, and takes off his headset. He sighs a little and says with a touch of bitterness ) Vaughn: Well, now I do (He meets her eyes and sees the sorrow there. His tone changes to a more ‘normal' “mission-stressed Vaughn” sound.) And for the record, I still think this is insane Sydney: I know Vaughn: that you're going back to a man who knows you as a different person! Sydney: If this was just about finding the Covenant, I might agree with you. But Vaughn, I have to know Where I was and who Julia is What I did (Vaughn hears her, understands what she's saying, but still doesn't like it. As the van door opens he looks away.) Weiss: Laser mic's in place. We're good to go. (Weiss sits down and puts his headphones on. Sydney and Vaughn exchange a long look. Sydney is pleading with her eyes for him to understand. It appears he does, although he is still very worried about her and wishes she wouldn't do this.) Sydney: I'll talk to you when this is over. (Sydney gets up and leaves. Vaughn heaves a sigh and puts his headset back on. Cut to Sydney inside Simon's safehouse. She walks up to him. He's sitting on his bed barefoot, in black pants and a sleeveless white T-shirt. He's clutching a book to his chest as she approaches. Walker: Well how was Milan? (Walker is studying her closely. There appears to be just a hint of jealousy on his face. Sydney removes her coat, dropping it on the side of the bed.) Sydney: We're good. I got everything we need. (She looks around, doesn't see anyone else there.) Sydney: Just you and me? (Walker puts down his book and pats the bed next to him.) Walker: Sit down. (Sydney sits.) Walker: So, tell me Julia and don't be coy (Cut to a tense Vaughn and Weiss listening to the conversation Vaughn looks like he's having a hard time not being angry (think his reaction to the guy on the Server 47 plane and you have the idea of what he looks like now)) before when you disappeared where the hell'd you go? (Cut back to Sydney) Sydney: Why .did you miss me? Walker (short laugh, pulling off his T-shirt): I did. (Sydney starts kissing his neck, giving him funny looks as she does, as if trying to decide where Walker is going with this conversation. They kiss on the mouth a few times.) Sydney: What did you miss? (She starts kissing his shoulder.) Walker: Well, ah (he stares at Sydney's chest) you (Sydney straddles Walker's legs, pulling her shirt off) you had certain specific qualities (Walker runs his hands up her bare stomach) (Cut to Vaughn, listening in the van. If looks could kill, Simon would be one dead boy.) (Cut to Sydney as she lies on top of Simon.) Sydney: Like what? The first time you saw me what did you think? (She starts kissing a path down his chest.) Walker: What you mean in Algeria? (Sydney looks up to assess him, to try and see if he's trying to catch her in a lie. Finally, she answers.) Sydney: Uh, huh Walker: Oh, do you remember? We almost died in that godforsaken place Sydney: We couldn't keep our hands off each other (Simon smiles bemusedly, then pulls Sydney back up to his face.) Walker: I thought to myself now there is a very beautiful woman who knows how to deceive! (Walker shoves her down face first on the bed, leans on top of her. Grabbing her hair and pulling it back, he unsheathes a switchblade and holds it to her neck.) Walker: You never went to Milan! (Cut to the van with Vaughn and Weiss. Vaughn flings off his headset, ready to go charging out the door to save Sydney. Weiss grabs him by the arm.) Weiss: No, man you can't go! Vaughn: I'm not going to just let her die! Weiss: Give her a chance! (Cut back to Simon and Sydney.) Walker: to tell me, who the hell you're working for! Sydney: I'm working for myself, you son of a bitch! Walker: Yeah!? Yeah!? Who's this!? (Walker shows Sydney one of the photographs of her with Vaughn.) Sydney (whispering): It's my supplier. (Cut to Weiss and Vaughn in the van. Cut back to Walker and Sydney. Walker grabs Sydney, turns her over so she's lying on her back and holds her down with a hand around her neck.) Walker: Your supplier? What's his name? You lie to me again and I will kill you (Walker points the knife in Sydney's face.) Sydney: That's Michael Vaughn He's my supplier (Cut to Vaughn.) Vaughn: Oh my God, that's a picture of me (Cut back to Walker and Sydney.) Sydney: Come on, Simon! What the hell!? What, you don't believe me!? Walker: No! No, sweetheart, I don't! (Cut to black. End of Act Four.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Camera pan across Marshall's tech room. Marshall is sitting in front of his computer. The phone rings; he answers it.) Marshall: Flinkman residence (Cut to Vaughn. He has the same intense face he had when Sydney was on the mission in Mexico City.) Vaughn: Marshall, this is Vaughn. Listen to me very carefully. I need you to upload to Interpol database immediately a criminal record with my name and photograph with at least 20 charges, all of them security based. (Cut to Marshall.) Marshall: Got it, got it, got it Security stocks or security alarm systems? (Cut to Vaughn.) Vaughn: Alarm systems (Cut to Walker and Sydney.) Walker: Why did you head to the States!? Sydney: Because the alarm system you're asking me to disable is from Chicago That's Illinois That's the United States! Milan wasn't gonna help us, you freak! (Walker seems slightly taken aback with her answer. He pauses for a second and then gestures to the photograph with his knife.) Walker: That's your supplier? Sydney: Check his records. Security is all he does (Cut to Marshall. He turns around in his chair and addresses Carrie, who is on the other side of the room.) Marshall: Do a search for a criminal profile with someone with security-related felons! (Carrie gives Marshall a dirty look.) Carrie: Please would be nice (She walks toward the computer anyway.) Marshall: Uh, sorry Please? My love? (Cut to Walker as he begins to access Interpol. Sydney stands behind Walker, watching, full of attitude. Cut back to Weiss and Vaughn in the van.) Weiss: Is Marshall gonna be able to do this in time? Vaughn (to Marshall): We gonna be able to do this in time? (Cut to Marshall, working furiously at his computer.) Marshall: We're doing the best we can Carrie: Got it. Transferring now. (The record is on Marshall's computer. He superimposes Vaughn's face on top of the one attached to the record and begins changing the name to match Vaughn's.) Marshall (to himself): That's good change that Okay almost there one second, one second (Cut to the van; a close up of Weiss's fingers tapping the table nervously. Vaughn looks over at Weiss.) Vaughn: Stop bouncing! Weiss: Sorry. (Cut to Marshall.) Marshall: Hang on, uploading. Okay, done! (Cut to Walker's computer. His search is done. Vaughn's face and “profile” appears on his screen. Walker starts scrolling down, look at his record. Walker half turns to Sydney, very embarrassed and apologetic.) Walker: Um babe (looks over his shoulder at her) Sydney: Now I remember why I left (She grabs her coat and stalks off. Cut to Weiss and Vaughn in the van. Vaughn takes off his headset and lays it on the table. He's relieved but still really worried.) (Cut to the dining room of the safehouse. The other two men are seated at the table along with Sydney. Walker walks into the room. Perez shares a pointed look with Walker.) Walker: She's good. (Perez rolls his eyes as if he doesn't quite believe this.) Walker: Okay. We're hitting a storage facility 35 miles outside of Saragosa run by the Disease Control Ministry. Now, to get in, we have to cut the power, which is gonna trigger an off-site security response. This gives us five minutes to get in, get the package and get out. Our target's a biological agent. (Walker's cell phone rings.) Walker: Hello? Good yeah, come in. (To Perez) Take over Perez: Inside the box is a small canister the size of a fist, which we'll be transferring to portable cooler. Now, keep in mind, once you've opened the safe, you only have one minute to remove the canister before it self-destructs, which means the transfer should be smooth and instantaneous. (Behind them, Walker returns, accompanied by Sark.) Sark: The shift rotation's been changed. We'll have to adjust our timetables accordingly. (Sydney reacts to hearing Sark's voice. Slowly, she gets up and walks closer to Perez, bending over the specs to completely obscure her face.) Sark: But that shouldn't change any of our plans. (Sark takes a sparing glance in the direction of the team and then back to Walker.) Sark: Is your team aware of the fragile nature of the item? Walker: Yeah. Sark: By my calculations, we'll have to move everything up three hours Sydney (leaning over Perez): Can I study these? Perez (quietly, so that no one will overhear): I know you're hiding something (Sydney doesn't reply, trying to remain stoic, listening to Sark's conversation with Walker.) Sark: When you recover the item, contact me, and we'll exchange it for the remainder of your fee. Walker: Now that's sporting Sark: Good luck. (Sark walks out. Cut to evening scene, Zurich.) Sloane (voiceover): I think I have the information you asked for. (Cut to Lauren, leaning on her elbow as she listens to Sloane.) Lauren: Good. (Cut to Sloane, sitting at the conference table, sipping from a glass of water. This scene cuts back and forth between Sloane and Lauren.) Sloane: The second job what the Covenant was trying to acquire. It's an artificial pathogen. If they combine this with the virus they stole last week, they will be able to genetically tailor a biological weapon for specific targets. Lauren: A designer bomb that would be effective against only the targets they chose Sloane: Precisely. (Lauren makes notes while Sloane pours himself more water.) Sloane: I suppose I should come clean with you that thing I said the other day; that comment I made about how you got the job I was referring to the Senator your father. (Lauren looks up from her writing to stare at Sloane.) Lauren: What about my father? Sloane: Well, he knew how badly you wanted to become field rated, and he thought it was too dangerous, so he made sure it didn't happen. (Cut to Lauren's shocked face. We see pain and a touch of betrayal there, too. This comment clearly affects her. Sloane takes a drink out of his water glass and says, almost gleefully ) Sloane: But you knew that didn't you? (Lauren seems to pull herself back together, but there is still a touch of the pain and betrayal in her eyes.) Lauren: I know what you're doing the way you manipulate people (Cut to a shot of Sloane with another one of his mysterious smiles.) Lauren: don't do it to me. (Cut back to Sloane, still meeting her gaze head on.) (Cut to a delivery truck pulling up to the entrance of the storage facility at night. They stop as the guard comes out of the shack. Simon is driving, Sydney sits next to him and Perez sits on her other side.) Guard (in Spanish): You're not on the list. (Walker hands a clipboard out the window. The guard takes it and starts looking at it.) Guard (in Spanish): What are the inventory numbers? (Walker pulls out a pistol and shoots the guard in the neck. Sydney pulls out a clipboard like item that has a large touchscreen.) Sydney: It'll take me a minute to hack into central security Shutting the power off We have access to building three. (Walker restarts the truck.) Walker: We've got five minutes before their guards show up. (Walker's group and Sydney enter the facility. They search and find a specific cooler.) Walker: Julia, you're up. (Sydney walks forward and sets her stuff up, a laptop and Marshall's device. She cuts two wires on the cooler safe's keypad and attaches them to the device. She attaches the other part of the device to the cooler door and then turns to the computer and types. The readout says “Access Denied”. ) Walker: Babe, what's the problem? Sydney: Standard Algorithm Decryption should have worked, I'll need to map their security. Walker: How long will that take? Sydney: I don't know. Walker: You only have thirty seconds left (Sydney gives a glance at Perez. He looks very unhappy, as if he'd been expecting this. She goes back over to the combination panel and cuts another wire.) Perez: I knew we couldn't rely on her Sydney: Keep your mouth shut and maybe we'll walk out of here (Sydney takes the cut wire and splices it onto the keypad, then rushes back to the computer.) Walker: Julia three seconds (As time almost runs out, Sydney is able to break the code. The safe opens. She looks up at Perez defiantly.) Sydney (to Perez): They customized the hardware not exactly factory condition. (to Walker) Nothing I couldn't handle (She opens the door to the safe, revealing a metal canister. Simon removes the canister and stores it in a special cooler they've brought with them. They pack up their gear.) Walker: Security will be here in two minutes let's go. (Cut to the truck driving down a deserted dirt road. It stops; they get out. Walker carries the cooler.) Sydney: What's this? Walker: Switching vehicles in case we've been followed (Sydney pulls out Marshall's lipstick and starts applying it. Walker sees this and stands to watch her, amused. She notices him watching her and she smiles. They watch as a jeep rounds the corner toward them and stops. Sydney rubs her lips together and gives Perez a little smirk as he walks toward the jeep. We see that Sydney has palmed the tracking device. She looks up as Russet gets out of the jeep.) Russet: We've a little surprise for ya (Sydney is looking down, putting the lipstick back in her pocket. As she looks back up we see two other men pulling a beaten and bloody Vaughn out of the back seat. His hands are handcuffed in front of him.Their eyes meet for a moment before Sydney breaks eye contact, her face a mask.) (Cut to someone wading through a pile of papers. Weiss grabs a headset and puts it on.) Weiss: Vaughn's missing! Dixon: What happened? Weiss: I was doing an overlook, I planted a mic I got back and he's gone! Dixon: You're scheduled to meet Sydney at the extraction point. Weiss: No, I am not leaving my partner! Dixon: A tac unit based out of Barcelona has already been deployed; you will meet Sydney at the extraction point! (Weiss whips off his headset, pissed off and worried for Vaughn.) (Cut to Perez, standing next to the men holding Vaughn.) Perez: This is what I meant! He's got CIA issue equipment! Sydney: Simon, I swear to you this man is my supplier! Walker: Not anymore (Walker stalks over to Vaughn, grabs him by the jacket lapel, dragging him forward.) Come here (He marches Vaughn to the side of the road and forces him to kneel.) Perez: You've got to get rid of them both! Walker: That's enough out of you! Julia's with us. It's this one who's the problem, not her (Walker cocks his pistol, preparing to shoot Vaughn in the head execution style.) Sydney: Wait! Wait (Walker turns to look at Sydney.) Sydney: If he's been lying to me all this time he's put me in danger! I wanna do it. (more fervently) I wanna do it! (Walker grabs Vaughn by the lapels again, pulling him back up to a stand.) Walker: Get up (Sydney looks around and then grabs a switchblade from Perez's waist, flicking it open as she walks back toward Vaughn. Sydney grabs Vaughn's coat lapels roughly, yanking him toward her.) Sydney (menacingly): You never should have betrayed me (There is a moment here where they look into each other's eyes as she says this. It's clear that Vaughn knows she's trying to save his life, even though he understands what she's about to do. Sydney's eyes are wide, as if she can't believe she's about to do this doesn't know if she can, and asking him to understand, trying to draw strength from him. Resignation sets in on Vaughn's face. He closes his mouth and sets his jaw to prepare himself. Sydney stabs Vaughn in the lower torso, a clean in and out motion. Vaughn gasps and doubles over, his face clearly registering the pain. He groans as he slides to the ground. Sydney purses her lips tightly, struggling to keep her emotions in check. We hear gurgling noises coming from Vaughn. Once Vaughn's on the ground and Sydney steps away from him, Walker comes forward and kicks Vaughn roughly, and Vaughn tumbles end over end into the ravine. Sydney stares down the hill into the ravine, watching Vaughn's body as it tumbles and comes to a rest down near the bottom. The others start to move, but she still stands there staring. Now that they've moved away from her, we can see she's gasping for air, stricken, as she looks down at Vaughn's unmoving body.) Walker: Julia let's move. (She turns and climbs into the jeep with the rest of the crew. She stares out the front window, unseeing as they move and one of the other henchmen drives off in the opposite direction with the truck they used for the heist. Cut and then pan across the brush to Vaughn's prone, unconscious body as it lies in the ravine, his handcuffed hands flung up over his head. The camera pulls up and away and fades to black. ALIAS. End of Act Five.)
Plan: A: Sydney; Q: Who discovers a link to her missing two years in the form of Simon Walker? A: Simon Walker; Q: Who is the leader of the group determined on retrieving deadly biological weapons? A: the dangerous and sexy leader; Q: What is Simon Walker's personality? A: Vaughn; Q: Who struggles with jealousy and longing while Sydney is on her mission? A: the pressures; Q: What is Vaughn aware of his job is putting on his marriage to Lauren? A: Jack; Q: Who reveals Sydney's deadly secret to Dixon? A: matters; Q: What does Jack take into his own hands to protect his daughter? A: CIA; Q: What organization does Sydney work for? Summary: Sydney discovers a link to her missing two years in the form of Simon Walker, the dangerous and sexy leader of a group determined on retrieving deadly biological weapons. Meanwhile, Vaughn struggles with his own feelings of jealousy and longing while Sydney is on her mission, aware of the pressures his job is putting on his marriage to Lauren. Jack takes matters into his own hands to protect his daughter, purposely revealing Sydney's deadly secret to Dixon in order to preserve her position inside the CIA.
Act One. Scene One - Café Nervosa. Roz and Frasier are sat chatting. There are color charts on the table. Roz: Why did I ever decide to redecorate my bathroom? They give you about a thousand decisions to make. After a while, you can't even tell the colors apart. Frasier: Oh, Roz, perhaps my discerning decorative eye can be of some assistance, let me see here. He arranges three white panels in a row on the table. Frasier: This one's Ecruel, that's Eggshell and this of course is Nolove White. Roz: Very good, Frasier. Now let's see how you do on the color side. [turns them over] Frasier: You know, Roz, I do hope you don't spend your entire vacation redecorating. You know, you should get out, you know, have some fun, maybe even take a cruise? You don't want to stay in your apartment cooped up with a bunch of sweaty workmen. Roz gives him a glance and he realizes. Frasier: Bon Voyage. Roz: Thank you, and don't worry, Chuck Ranberg said he'd take over for the week- Frasier: No, no, absolutely not, Roz! The man's speech impediment will make me giggle all week long. Roz: Show a little compassion! Frasier: Oh come on, you try dealing with a call screener who says, "Doctaw Cwane, we have a kweptomaniac on wine fwee." Roz: Well, who do you want to use? Frasier: Well, actually, I was thinking of reaching out to the community. You know, I was guest speaker last month at a program called "Second Start." They offer career training for people who are stuck in tedious, low-paying jobs. And, em, well, I'd thought I'd give the job to one of those students. Roz: That's a great idea, Frasier. Sounds like a great program. Chuck Ranberg enters. [N.B. Chuck Ranberg is the name of one of the show's writers.] Frasier: Oh dear, there's Chuck Ranberg. Roz, you've got to tell him he doesn't have the job. Roz: Why can't you tell him? Frasier: I'm sorry, I can't hear the man speak without just descending into giggles. Roz: Oh, you are such a child! Frasier: [mumbles hurrying her] Chuck approaches them. Chuck: Hi, guys. Roz: Hey, Chuck, how's it going? Chuck: Oh, tewwible, Woz! My wife was in the Cawwibean and she weft me for a Wastafawian! Roz starts laughing uncontrollably as Frasier pats her arm trying to cover up by pretending she is crying. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Radio Station. We see a Seattle tram pass by with an advert promoting Frasier's show. There is a picture of Frasier and a slogan with the words "I'm Listening." CUT TO: The Studio. Frasier is talking to the temporary call screener, Mary Thomas, a jolly black woman of around thirty years. Frasier: We only have a couple of minutes before the show, so listen, tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you get interested in broadcasting? Mary: Well, after I got laid off from the bakery, I guess I had some free time. So I took a few different night school courses and when I got to the one in radio, it all clicked. Frasier: Oh, well, isn't that funny? You know, I had almost exactly the same experience. I first discovered psychiatry in Dr. Badgley's epidemiology seminar at Harvard. Mary: Except I bet you didn't walk though a metal detector to get to class! Frasier: No, no, but, you know, I did have to pass under a dangerously unbalanced portrait of Alfred Adler in the Rotunda! [laughs] Mary: We are practically separated at birth! Frasier: Ten seconds, Mary, coming up. Mary: Oh, I'm so nervous. Frasier: Oh, you'll be fine, just relax. Mary: Okay. [sits in her seat as Frasier sits in his] Frasier: [on air] Hello, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane and I'm listening. I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce someone who's going to bring her own flavor to the show this week while Roz is gone. Say hello to Mary Thomas. [Mary nods; encouraging her to talk] It's great to have you with us, Mary. [Mary only smiles] You know, we want to get right to your calls, folks. So, we'll be right back after this. Frasier cuts to commercials as he goes into Mary's booth. Frasier: Mary, I should mention that you should feel free to speak on the air. You know, Roz often chimes in from time to time. Mary: Oh, I can't believe I messed up so quickly. Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, not at all, not at all. Just promise me that you'll speak up when it feels right. Mary: I will! Frasier: Okay, great, I'm sure you have excellent instincts. Mary: Five seconds. Frasier: Right. Frasier goes back to his seat. Frasier: [on air] And we're back. All right, Mary, who's our first caller? Mary: [emphasized] Maria! [Frasier urges her to carry on] Er, she's thirty-six years old... married five years... and her husband's been staying late at the office so he can meet with his secretary. Frasier: [happy for Mary] That's the way to do it! [realizing] I mean, I'm sorry, Maria, em, I'm Listening. Maria: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. Anyway, he's having an affair and it's not his first. This has been going on since we were newlyweds. How do I get him to change? Frasier: Well, Maria. You of course know it's impossible to force anyone to change. But you can work to change yourself. Usually women that tolerate this sort of behavior from their husbands are suffering from low self-esteem issues, you may need some counseling to resolve those issues. Let me ask you a couple of questions... Mary: May I say something? Frasier: Yes. Mary: Maria, Dr. Crane is right. You must make a change. And the first thing you change is the lock on your front door. Frasier: [not too pleased] What? Maria: Oh, listen, there's plenty of time for counselors, but at six o'clock locksmiths start charging extra, so you get on it, girlfriend. You know, my Grampa Willie used to say, "Nothing stops a man from playing the field faster than a night out on the lawn." Okay? Okay! Frasier: Oh, thank you, Grampa Willie! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Radio Station - Some Time Later Mary is giving more counseling. Mary: Looky here, Tony. You're thirty-five years old. Now, your parents only had you for the first eighteen, so if you want to start blaming someone, maybe you need to blame yourself. Okay? Okay! Frasier: Actually, chronic rage problems usually stem from childhood... Mary: All right, Dr. Crane, we're all out of time. Frasier: [looks at clock] So we are. Well then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, saying goodbye Seattle, and good mental health. [goes to press button] Mary: And tune in tomorrow! Frasier angrily punches the button with a bemused look. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. The apartment is empty except for Daphne as she opens the door to Niles who is carrying a certificate. Niles: [full of the joys of spring] Hello, Daphne. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, you're in a good mood today. Niles: Hmm-mm, after six long weeks I have finally received my yellow belt. Daphne: Oh, aren't you lucky? I ordered some more Capri pants two months ago and I'm still waiting. Niles: No, no, no. As this handsome certificate will attest, I've finally attained the second level of kickboxing. Daphne: Oh, congratulations. What made you take up kickboxing? Niles: Well, in order to protect Mel. Er, as you know, she's a plastic surgeon. She has a habit of slipping her card to total strangers who she feels could use her services. So far no harm done, but... [pours sherry] Daphne: But it's only a matter of time before you get your lights punched out? Niles: Exactly. It almost happened last week with Marjorie Dunsmore. Luck was on our side, but next time there might not be a walker to kick over, so... [beat] I think Dad'll be properly impressed when I demonstrate my precision in footwork. Niles demonstrates to Daphne and gets a little too close to the Chihuly on the side. Daphne: Oh! It's very impressive, Dr. Crane. You know, I just remembered the Chihuly needs a good dusting. Frasier: [enters and notices] Daphne, I thought you cleaned that yesterday? Daphne: Oh, did I? Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles. What brings you here? Niles: Here to demonstrate my newly acquired feet [high kicks shouting "hu-ho!"] of fury! Frasier: Carry on, Daphne. [pours a sherry as Daphne exits to the kitchen and Martin enters and sits in his chair] Niles: Frasier, Frasier, who was that woman on your show today? Frasier: Oh, that was Mary Thomas, she's filling in for Roz this week. Martin: It seemed to me like she was filling for you! Niles: You're normally so particular about what happens on your show. I'm surprised you let her go on like that. Frasier: Well, I started to say something and then I thought, well, it might be a bit condescending. Martin: [sits] I know why you didn't say anything; cause she's black! Frasier: Oh, that's ridiculous, Dad, race has nothing to do with it. Niles: Oh, come now, Frasier. You can't deny a certain measure of guilt, living as you do in your exclusive lily-white world. Frasier: Niles, owning the CD of "Ella sings Gershwin" does not qualify you as a soul brother! Martin: You know, Frasier, there's such a thing as being too sensitive about this stuff. Now if it was Roz blabbing on instead of this Mary, you'd tell her to put a sock in it, right? Frasier: Well, I suppose so, but, you know, this is different, Dad. She's just starting out, I didn't want to squelch her enthusiasm. Martin: Because she's black. Frasier: Dad, please, will you just stop saying that? Anyway, I will just have to deal with it for a week until Roz gets back. Martin: Black! Frasier: Stop it! Niles: [suddenly after a pensive time] My first roommate at Yale was black! Frasier: Huntington Treadwell III! It's hardly representative of the African-American experience, Niles. Niles: His father was a pioneer in Selma and Montgomery. Frasier: Yes, I believe he built golf courses all over the South! Frasier exits as Niles stands with his certificate. Niles: Oh, speaking of golf, dad, I've become quite the sportsman myself. [hands him certificate] What do you think of that? Martin: Oh, it's very nice, son, but calligraphy really isn't a sport! More of a craft. Niles: No, no, no, this is for kickboxing, I finally reached yellow belt, Dad. Martin: He-hey, what do you know? I'm proud of ya! Martin puts his hand up for a high-five but Niles backs away in fear. Martin: No, come here. [they high-five] Niles: You know, it requires a lot of talent. You have to have timing and balance, the ability to strike and instantly retreat. Martin: [clarifying] So you kick them and then run away? Niles: Yes. My instructor says I'm a natural. Can I show you something? Martin: [taking his beer onto another table for safety] Yeah, sure. Niles: I'll show you a roundhouse kick, all right? Niles does his maneuvers with his back to the kitchen. Daphne enters from the kitchen with a tray of snacks and watches Niles in admiration. Niles: You sense your assailant's presence. [weird eye movement] You feel your body in the space. [weird feet movement] Know where your opponent is and when you're ready... you strike! Niles kicks behind him and inadvertently knocks Daphne flying onto the table as she throws the bowl of snacks up behind her. She lands on her wrist as Niles goes to help her. Niles: What have I done?! Martin: Are you all right, Daphne? Daphne: Yes. Niles: Really? Daphne: [cries] No. I landed on my wrist, it's really throbbing... Martin: Go get her some ice, Niles! [he does] Frasier enters amongst the menagerie: Frasier: You know, Dad, perhaps you're right. Maybe I am too sensitive. [the phone rings] Daphne, could you get that, please? Frasier exits to the kitchen as the rest look around at him. End of Act One. Act Two. Scene One - Radio Station. Frasier and Mary are coming towards the end of their show. Frasier: Gabe, you must remember that compulsive shopping is an addiction. There are no simple solutions. Mary: Oh, I've got one! Cut those credit cards up right now. Okay? Okay! Gabe: [v.o.] Thank you, Dr. Mary. Frasier: You know, I hate to be a stickler here, Gabe, but as Mary would be the first to point out: she is not a doctor. Mary: Oh, I don't mind. Call me Dr. Mary. You know, Latifa's not a real Queen, right? [N.B. Kim Coles starred with Queen Latifah on "Living Single."] Mary: Oh, you know what, doll babies, we're all out of time for today. Frasier: [looks at clock] So we are. Well then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane... Mary: ...and Dr. Mary! Frasier: Saying goodbye Seattle and... [quick] good mental health. [presses button before she can open her mouth] Kenny enters. Kenny: Hey, guys. [Mary enters to greet him] Just checking in to see how things are going. Mary: Are you kidding, it's a dream come true. [exits to her booth] Kenny: [closes door between booths] So, er, you and Mary, what do you think of her? Be honest. Frasier: Well, I genuinely like her, she's delightful and dedicated. Kenny: And...? Frasier: Well, em, she does have a tendency to just sort of jump right in there whenever she likes, you know, and frankly, her method of solving problems is totally different than mine. [laughs to cover fear of prejudice] Kenny: [genuine laugh] Yeah, I'm nuts about her too. [Mary enters] The contrast between you guys, that's what gets things crackling. I always thought that your show was the gold standard of radio shrink chatter. But this last week has been even better! Frasier: You think so? Kenny: Absolutely! In fact, the boys upstairs would like to make you two a permanent team. Oh, who am I kidding? There are no boys upstairs, I just love this show! [imitating Mary] Okay? Mary: Oh, this is so exciting, I cannot believe it. Frasier: Oh, me neither! Kenny: And don't you worry about Roz. I'm just going to switch her over to Gil's show. The hours are better and I'll even throw in a twenty percent raise! Ah, this is going be great! I bet within a month you guys are going to have the hottest ratings in Seattle! Mary: Oh, this is so wonderful, thank you both, really. I'm going to go call my parents. [exits] Frasier: Listen, Kenny... Kenny: I know what you're feeling right now, Doc, and let me save you the trouble. [opens arms] Come here, big guy! Kenny hugs Frasier in enthusiasm as Mary enters. Mary: I want some too! Mary flings herself around Frasier, sandwiching him in. We CUT TO: the streets of Seattle again. This time the tram has a large picture of Frasier and a small picture of Mary with the caption, "Frasier Crane featuring Dr. Mary" [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Niles has taken on Daphne's role in the apartment. He has got Daphne settled on the couch whilst Martin sits in his chair. Niles gives Daphne a quiche. Niles: Everything comfy, Daphne? There you are. This quiche should hold you 'til dinner. Daphne: Dr. Crane, you really don't need to fill in for me, it's just a sprained wrist. I'm perfectly capable of cooking dinner. Martin: The hell you are! Niles: Daphne, it is the least I can do, believe me. Until you're fully recovered, consider me your full-time stand-in. Oh, which reminds me, Dad. I rented your favorite video. [hands it to him] Martin: [cheerful] Oh-ho, "Death Wish." Niles: Oh, I'll get your beer, I'm just frosting the mug in the freezer the way Daphne does. He exits to the kitchen. Daphne: I never frost your beer mug! Martin: Oh, be quiet, will you? He's feeling very guilty and we have to help him work through it. Daphne: That is just baloney, and you know it. Shame on you, taking advantage of your son, I don't know how you sleep at night! Martin: Well, pretty good since he started putting a mint on my pillow and a cup of cocoa by the bed. Daphne: He never leaves me cocoa. Martin: You have to fill out that little card. Daphne: Oh. Daphne exits to her room as Niles enters with Martin's snacks. Frasier also enters from the outside hallway. Martin: Oh, Fras, how did the show go? Frasier: [gives him a look] It was very educational. Today, Mary taught us how to manipulate our husbands... by withholding s*x. And she taught us how to lie to our children about the past. Martin: [laughs with Niles] Boy, that Dr. Mary sure goes on and on. Frasier: [angry] For the last time! - she is not a doctor, no matter how many times she refers to herself as one. "A cat can have kittens in the oven but that don't make 'em biscuits!" [realizes] Dear God, now I'm quoting Grampa Willie! [N.B. The drier version of this saying which Frasier might well already know would be the Duke of Wellington's aphorism that "a man may be born in a stable, that doesn't make him a horse." He grew fond of saying it in response to questions about whether he considered himself Irish or English.] Niles: For heaven's sake, Frasier, why don't you just talk to her? Frasier: Well, it's a delicate situation, Niles. For God's sake, it's not all that easy. I mean, she is new to the field, she's sensitive, she's eager to please... Martin: She's black! Frasier: Dad, please! Martin: Well, you know damn well that's what this whole thing's about. I don't know what the big deal is, if she's talking too much, just tell her to shut her big bazoo. Frasier: Oh, really? How do you suggest I accomplish that without sounding like a complete bigot? Niles: Well, perhaps a little diplomacy is in order. Frasier: Oh, are you saying I should just choose my words more carefully, is that it? Niles: Yes, exactly. Frasier: [hot under the collar] Fine, fine, all right, Niles. Just exactly how would that go?! Why don't you play me and I'll be Mary. Niles: All right. [calm] Er, Mary? Frasier: [quick] Frasier! Niles: I've been meaning to speak to you. You know, people listen to the show for my expertise. Frasier: Oh, so my opinion's not worth anything? Niles: Well, I'm the one with the medical degree. Now I want you to contribute, but only up to a point. Frasier: So, you want me to stay in my place, Massa! Niles: She's not going to say "Massa"... Frasier throws in stereotypical African-American woman speech and gestures, including the neck rolling. Frasier: What, am I getting too uppity for you? You sherry-swelling, opera-loving, Armani-wearing elitist! You have no idea how difficult it is for a black woman in a white man's world! Niles: Frasier... Frasier: I don't think so! [breaking up] Look at me! This is ridiculous. I have walked myself straight into a mine field! Niles: Listen, Frasier. I know you're trying to be sensitive, but you're not showing this woman any respect if you're not as honest with her as you would be with someone else. Martin: Right, this is your show. When she gets her own show she can say whatever she wants. Frasier: [realizes] Wait a minute! You know what, Dad, you may be onto something there. Gosh, I don't know why I didn't think of that myself. You know what, I'm just going to call Kenny and tell him to give her her own show. They're looking for a replacement for "Let's Go Camping With Dan & Jenny." Martin: What happened to them? Frasier: They don't know. [on phone] Kenny, it's Frasier. Listen, I've been thinking. You know what, I think I'm holding Mary back. You know, a talent like hers should not be stuck in a producer's chair. [happy to Niles and Martin] He agrees with me! Niles and Martin look at each other in satisfaction. SMASH CUT TO: Scene Three - Radio Station. However, Kenny got the wrong end of the stick it seems as now Mary and Frasier are both in the talent's booth on the same show. Mary: [to microphone] Oh, I'll tell you what you do, you snap out of it. You know why you're afraid to get married? You think there's some room full of hoochy mommas out there that's waiting for you, in case you don't want to do the right thing. Let me tell you something, the only thing you're missing out on is a lot of cold and lonely nights and I tell you what, there's not one person out there that would disagree with me on that. However, Louise, the new African-American call screener seems to. Louise: I do! I don't think he deserves that girl and if he's not man enough to take that leap of faith then she's better off without him! Mary: Louise, is you trippin'? Girls... Louise and Mary start arguing over each other. Frasier sits silently between the two and in boredom takes a bite of cheese. We then CUT BACK TO the Seattle tram. Now it's advertisement has Mary and Frasier standing back to back with a little picture of Louise. It now reads "They're Listening!" [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Café Nervosa. Frasier is having a coffee as Roz enters and sits with him. Frasier: Hi, Roz. Roz: Hey, Frasier. I listened to your show for about twenty minutes today, I didn't hear your voice. Frasier: Well, I'm playing a diminished role these days. Although still an important one. I am the glue that holds the show together - or as Mary said in her intro, "The filling in our little Oreo." Roz: Well, it's no picnic working with Gil either. You know that little joke that he makes before every show that his taste buds are insured? Frasier: Mmm. Roz: They really are! Frasier: Oh! Roz: Guess who had to take the claims photo after he had to eat a hot slice of pizza? Frasier: Oh God, Roz, I'm so sorry. Roz: You should be. I go away for a week and you give away our whole show! Frasier: Yes, I know. [Mary enters] Oh, Lord, there she is. You know what, I could have nipped this whole thing in the bud if I'd just been honest with her from the beginning. You know what, perhaps the time's come for me to just tell her the truth. Roz: Well, it sounds like an intense conversation. I think I'll get out of here and give you a little room. Frasier: Thank you, Roz. Roz moves to the next table from which she can easily eavesdrop. Frasier: Roz! Roz leaves to the back of the café. Mary: [comes over] Hey there, partner. Is there room for one more at the doctor's table? Frasier: Of course, Mary. Listen, there is something I want to talk to you about. Mary: Oh, I don't doubt it. Could you believe Louise today? She just would not stop talking, would she? Frasier: Well, it's not Louise... Mary: Every time I turned around she's just yappity, yappity, yappity, yap. I mean, what is her training anyway? Frasier: Mary, please, just stop it, stop it. Please, the problem is not with Louise, it's with you. Mary: What? Frasier: Well, the truth is, I... I don't enjoy working with you. I haven't enjoyed working with you from the start. We have different styles and I have absolutely no respect for the advice that you give. Mary: I... I had no idea. Well, why didn't you just say something before? Frasier: [pause] Well, it's because you're black. [she realizes] And the truth is that I was afraid that if I said something critical of you, you might react the wrong way... and I feel just terrible about it. Mary: Maybe you shouldn't feel so bad because... Frasier: No, no, actually, I should. You see, I pride myself on being able to communicate with just about anybody, and I couldn't even be honest with you. Mary: Oh, it's not that easy. You didn't want to disappoint me, I understand. If you don't like the show the way it is right now then that comes first. Like Grampa Willie used to say, "If the shoe don't fit then that ain't your shoe." Frasier: Well, you know, as much as I've come to loathe Grampa Willie, that does actually make me feel a little better. Mary: You know, I'll let you in on a little secret. All those expressions? I made them up myself. [laughs] I'll give you another reason not to feel so bad about all this. Today, KPXY offered me my own show. I'm going to be just fine on my own. Frasier: Mary, that's wonderful news. So, you forgive me? Mary: Well, I think you could have been honest with me. Then again, if you'd told me to be quiet then I'd be back at the bakery. Instead, I've got this brand-new career and this afternoon I'm shopping for cars. So I guess what I'm saying is... God bless your guilty white ass! Okay? Mary kisses him on his forehead leaving a lipstick mark and then exits. Frasier wipes it off as Roz arrives at his table. Roz: So, how'd it go? Frasier: Well, actually, better than I expected. I guess we're a team again, Roz. Roz: Great. [they shake hands] Well, you'll have to wait a little while. I've got to stay with Gil at least until we find another replacement. Frasier: Oh yes, of course. Well, I can find somebody. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - Radio Station. Frasier is doing his show. Frasier: Thank you for your call, Jill. Well, Chuck, who else is on the line? It seems Frasier has hired Chuck Ranberg to act as his producer. Chuck: Weww, Doctaw Cwane, we have Winda on wine fwee who bewieves peopew are waffing at hew. Frasier: [containing his laughter] Maybe we can just come back to that one, shall we? Chuck: All wightey! Frasier controls his laughter again as we FADE OUT. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is in her bed reading "To Love And Let Go" (rather apt for her situation, don't you think?) when Niles comes, obeying Daphne's little card, with a cup of hot cocoa. He hands it over and notices the book. She is having some trouble turning the pages with the bandage on her hand. He takes it and begins to read it to her. It looks like she is really enjoying his company. However, Martin then comes in asking for his cocoa and tears Niles away from Daphne, to the disappointment of both of them.
Plan: A: Roz; Q: Who is going on holiday? A: a distracting speech impediment; Q: What is Chuck Ranberg's problem? A: Frasier; Q: Who is upset that Mary Thomas is popular? A: a community outreach program; Q: Where did Mary Thomas work before joining KACL? A: Mary Thomas; Q: Who is the woman who replaces Roz? A: Kim Coles; Q: Who played Mary Thomas? A: the broadcast; Q: What does Mary Thomas initially hesitate to speak during? A: Daphne; Q: Who is injured during Niles' demonstration of his new kickboxing skills? A: Niles; Q: Who insists on doing all of Daphne's household chores until she has fully recovered? A: all Daphne's household chores; Q: What does Niles insist on doing until Daphne is fully recovered? A: Martin; Q: Who decides to take advantage of the fact that his son had no idea what chores were? Summary: Roz is going on holiday, and desperate to avoid having her replaced by Chuck Ranberg (who has a distracting speech impediment), Frasier decides to hire someone from outside KACL. He appoints a woman from a community outreach program called Mary Thomas (Kim Coles), who is initially reluctant to speak during the broadcast, but soon pitches in with folksy, jovial advice of her own. She soon becomes very popular. Frasier is upset and wants Roz to return, but is worried about appearing bigoted because Mary is black. Meanwhile, Daphne is injured during Niles' demonstration of his new skills at kickboxing. Niles insists on doing all Daphne's household chores until she has fully recovered. Martin decides to take advantage of the fact that, until now, his son had no idea what these chores were.
[INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Warrick is being questioned by an IAB investigator.) IAB Investigator: So you were at the strip club on official business earlier in the day, but then you went back on your own time later? Warrick: I already told you, yes. IAB Investigator: And that's when you met the victim? Warrick: Are you guys writing any of this down? I first met Candy in the parking lot of the strip club. Later on, I talked to her inside. FLASHBACK TO: [Scene from 8X09: Cockroaches] [EXT. PIGALLE BOULEVARD STRIP CLUB - PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (Candy is giving Warrick a lap dance.) END FLASHBACK. IAB Investigator: Approximately how much money did you spend getting to know the victim? Warrick: Three hundred bucks, but that was because it was part of an investigation. IAB Investigator: And that would be the investigation the undersheriff told you to drop? Warrick: Yes ... IAB Investigator: You still on the modafinil and the zolpidem? Warrick: No, I'm off them. IAB Investigator: Did you take them yesterday? FLASHBACK TO: Warrick grabs the pill container. (Warrick pops a pill while waiting in the car.) END FLASHBACK. IAB Investigator: So, today is the first day of the rest of your life, hmm? (Warrick rubs his eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTER LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. SILVERADO WASH (DIRT ROAD & BRIDGE) - NIGHT] (Greg and Nick cross a bridge as they walk away from their parked car on the road. Officer car's lights flash along the road.) Greg: Dispatch said body at a dump. Nick: Yeah, this is definitely not the city dump. (Nick and Greg come upon dead dogs. They share a look.) Sam Vega: Nick? Greg? (Nick and Greg head over toward Sam Vega, who is with David Phillips and the body.) Sam Vega: Kids were out here drinking beer, found the dead dogs. Patrol unit came, responded and found the female DB. (There's a woman in a red dress face down on a piece of cardboard.) David Phillips: Looks like animal bites on her arms and legs. (Nick looks at the bites on her arms. Greg snaps photos of the body.) David Phillips: No purse or ID. Nick: Okay, Dave, let's see what we got. (David rolls her over. There are more bites on her legs.) Greg: Whatever bit her must have been at it for a while. Nick: Yeah, maybe. But I doubt they tied her up and beat her. (David moves aside the woman's hair to show the bruises on her face.) Nick: Check out the contusions, ligature marks. (He notes the bruises around her wrists.) Greg: Disposing of animals like this is illegal. Whoever dumped the vic must have known about the site from dumping dogs. Nick: Yup. (Nick stands up.) It looks like he's moving up the food chain. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAWN] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Catherine takes a swab from the woman's body on the table. She caps it and picks up a second swab. She swabs inside wound #10.) (She picks up the camera and photographs the wounds on the woman's face and arms. She takes photos of the wounds on the woman's legs and the white substance on her heel.) (The door opens and David Phillips walks in.) David Phillips: Hey. Catherine: Hey, could you do me a favor? Um, bring me one of the swabs? David Phillips: Sure. What's up? (David picks up a swab and hands it to her.) Catherine: There's some white trace on the soles of her feet. You were at the scene. Did you happen to notice any white material that might have transferred? (Catherine takes a sample of the white substance.) David Phillips: Maybe. I can't say for sure. I mean, there were dead dogs and trash all over the place. (Catherine picks up her camera and moves to the side.) Catherine: Hmm. Excuse me. David Phillips: Sorry. Catherine: Would you help me remove her dress? David Phillips: Sure. Catherine: Let's just roll her. (They roll the body over. Catherine starts to remove the dress when she notices a mark on the woman's back.) Catherine: That look like a needle mark? David Phillips: I'll send samples to Tox. (Catherine picks up the camera and takes a photo.) FLASH TO: [JOANNA "CANDY"] Joanna "Candy": (V.O.) You like trouble, you ... [INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM] (The IAB investigator continues to question Warrick.) IAB Investigator: So, in the course of developing this informant, you took her to a motel and had s*x with her? Warrick: That part was personal. IAB Investigator: CSI Brown, in your mind, is there any distinction between personal and official? Warrick: Have you guys bothered to call the motel? I checked in with a credit card. I checked out around 5:00. I called a cab. Talk to the cab driver. When I woke up, Candy was gone. When I got back to the club to pick up my car, she was dead. FLASH TO: [EXT. PIGALLE STRIP CLUB - PARKING LOT - NIGHT] (The area around Warrick's car is taped off. It's a crime scene. Warrick sees Candy is dead and inside his car.) Warrick: (shouts) No-o-o! END OF FLASHBACK. Warrick: Listen to me. I did not kill her. But I know damn well who did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PD - HALLWAY / BRASS' OFFICE] (An officer escorts Lou Gedda to Brass' office. Brass is eating.) ND Officer: Lou Gedda to see you, Captain. (The officer leaves. Gedda steps into the office. Brass doesn't stand up. Gedda tosses a slip of paper on the table. It has a name and number on it: ALICE KRUMSKY (Gedda sits down.) Brass: What's this? Lou Gedda: Candy's mother's phone number. Brass: Her parents have already been notified. Lou Gedda: Candy wrote it down for me last night just before she died. That's why she came back to the club after her shift. Her mother was pressuring her to quit. Candy wanted me to call her, give her the talk. It's exotic dancing, not stripping. Show business. Brass: Did you make the call? Lou Gedda: I don't get involved in family business, but I thought it might help your investigation. Brass: How's this going to help me? Lou Gedda: How should I know? I'm just trying to be a good citizen. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (The doors open as David Phillips and another coroner roll the gurney with the woman's body on it.) David Phillips: Hey, Doc. Robbins: Hey. David Phillips: I heard your band killed last night. Robbins: Really? Who'd you hear that from? David Phillips: My wife's second cousin. Works in the mayor's office for the budget and finance director. He was at the country club. Grooved to your moldy oldies all night. Robbins: They're classics. David Phillips: Sorry. Robbins: So ... uh ... people were talking about me? (He chuckles. Then his smile fades as he looks down at the woman's face.) David Phillips: What did I do? Robbins: I know her. David Phillips: Her name's Elizabeth Rodriguez. She and her husband Felix were honored last night by the Nevada Enterprise Association. Humanitarians of the Year. They opened that outreach center in the Alphabets. They were dancing right in front of me. FLASHBACK TO: [INT. COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT] (Robbins is on stage singing. Elizabeth and Felix are dancing on the floor.) Robbins: (V.O.) She and Felix were very philanthropic. I admired both of them. END FLASHBACK. (Robbins is talking with Sam Vega and Catherine.) Sam Vega: Did they leave the party together? Robbins: No. He left first. FLASHBACK TO: [INT. COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT] (The band is playing on stage. Felix's phone rings and he checks it on the floor. He kisses her, turns and leaves her there. Robbins notes them.) END FLASHBACK. Sam Vega: Do you remember what time that was? Robbins: Sometime between "Louie Louie" and "You Really Got Me." Sam Vega: Could you be more specific, Doc? Robbins: Well, it was just before the end of our third set. We broke at 10:00. Just before that. Catherine: And she stayed? Robbins: (nods) For a little while. FLASHBACK TO: [INT. COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT] (Robbins is still on stage with his band. Elizabeth Rodriguez is on the dance floor with someone when a waiter comes up to her and whispers something to her. She excuses herself and leaves.) END FLASHBACK. Robbins: I didn't see her after that. Guess it was around 10:30. Sam Vega: And the kids called in the dead dogs around 2:00. Catherine: So, that's a three-and-a-half-hour window. Sam Vega: I'll talk to the husband. I'll keep you posted. Catherine: Thank you. (Sam Vega leaves.) Catherine: Can you tell me anything about these bites? Robbins: Definitely perimortem. Right around time of death. Catherine: So, it's unlikely it's coyotes. Robbins: No. (He turns and looks at Elizabeth on the table.) Catherine: Are you going to be okay with this one? (He sighs and shakes his head.) Robbins: I'm just not used to seeing them alive. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Sam Vega talks with Felix Rodriguez.) Sam Vega: You went home without your wife. Why? Felix Rodriguez: I hate dry chicken and small talk. And more than anything, I hate dancing. So, I went home, and I passed out on the couch. Next thing I know, you guys are banging on my front door. Where's Liz? Sam Vega: Do you always leave your wife on the dance floor? Felix Rodriguez: Liz is out every night at some charitable function, saving the world. We have a deal. If I make an appearance, I get to duck out early. FLASH TO: [INT. COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT] (Elizabeth and Felix are dancing. Felix yawns, bored.) Felix Rodriguez: You know what? I've done my time. I think I'm going home. Elizabeth Rodriguez: All right, well, don't wait up for me. (He kisses her hands.) Felix Rodriguez: Mmm. Elizabeth Rodriguez: And I'll miss you. (He kisses her cheek and heads off the dance floor.) END OF FLASHBACK. Felix Rodriguez: Look, if you don't tell me what's going on, I'll need to talk to my lawyer. Sam Vega: Your wife was murdered last night. (Felix turns and looks at him, stunned.) Felix Rodriguez: What? (The officer outside opens the door and Greg walks in.) Sam Vega: Mr. Rodriguez, this is CSI Sanders. He's here to take your fingerprints and your clothes. (Greg puts the print card down on the table.) Greg: Please stand up. (Felix Rodriguez is still in shock.) Felix Rodriguez: What? Sam Vega: Mr. Rodriguez, stand up. Felix Rodriguez: I want to see my wife. Sam Vega: When we're finished here, we'll talk about it. Stand up, please. (He stands up. Greg starts to take his fingerprints.) Felix Rodriguez: I didn't kill her. I loved my wife. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PD - HALLWAY] (Warrick steps out of the interview room and puts his jacket on. He rubs his tired eyes. He starts down the hallway.) SLOW MOTION. (At the other end of the hallway Lou Gedda turns the corner. Warrick looks up and sees him. They walk past each other. Gedda smiles as he leaves.) (Warrick stops to watch him go. He turns and sees where Gedda came out from and finds Brass leaning against the doorframe watching him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PD - BRASS' OFFICE] (Brass talks with Grissom. Brass is standing up behind his desk while Grissom is seated in front of it.) Brass: You should have put him in your car and driven him home. Grissom: I have to trust the people I work with, Jim. Brass: Look, Warrick's a loose cannon. We both know that. He was in Gedda's strip club ... Grissom: He was off the clock. Brass: ... conducting his own police investigation. Grissom: He's very passionate about this case. Brass: Yeah, passionate enough to sleep with the vic who ended up dead in his car. Look, I know Warrick didn't have anything to do with it, but he needs to back off. Guys like Lou Gedda -- they don't skip on murder and extortion by being lucky. (Brass sits down. Grissom looks at Brass.) Grissom: What does that mean? You think Gedda's got "friends" inside the department? Brass: (nods a little) Well, unlike Warrick, I don't make accusations until I have proof. (Grissom is quiet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Grissom is fuming inside Warrick's car.) (Warrick passes by and sees Grissom working in the car. He enters the garage.) (Grissom gets out of the car.) Warrick: Hey, Grissom. Grissom: Did you talk to IA yet? Warrick: Yeah. They cleared me. They didn't seem to have much interest in Gedda. Grissom: That's because it wasn't about Gedda. It was about you. Warrick: It's everything to do with Gedda. Sending me a message. Murders an innocent young girl because I got too close to them. I want this case, Gris. Grissom: I hope you know that's not gonna happen. You're in the rotation as of tomorrow, so go home. (Warrick leaves. Grissom pauses and watches him go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (Hodges reports his findings to Catherine. He hands her the report.) Hodges: The white flaky trace on your victim's feet was permethrin, an insect repellent, also used in flea dips. Catherine: Mmm. She was found with a bunch of dead dogs. What about the husband's tux? Hodges: No flea dip, no dog hairs, no blood. Just a little bit of champagne and some underarm deodorant. Catherine: You just exonerated our only suspect. (Catherine walks out of frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (Wendy is running the samples. Hodges walks in.) Hodges: So how crazy was last night? You. Me. Dinner? Wendy: Mm-hmm. Hodges: I thought the Syrah was quite nice. (Wendy turns to get another sample.) Wendy: Yes, and thank you for offering to split the check. My date really appreciated it. (Hodges follows her.) Hodges: Oh, no problem. Let it be known, that I am nothing if not a gentleman. (She turns around and finds Hodges right behind her.) Wendy: Why were you at a restaurant like Nob Hill by yourself anyway? Hodges: The Golden Rule. Always treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you. Wendy: That's not exactly the rule. Hodges: What are you working on? (Hodges is looking at the multiple swabs Wendy is running.) Wendy: The Elizabeth Rodriguez homicide. She had bite marks on her with saliva in them, and the saliva turned out to be canine, and anytime a dog is impounded in a criminal case, its DNA is collected and profiled. (She turns on the CANINE CODIS.) Wendy: It's just like CODIS. Hodges: DODIS. (Wendy chuckles.) Wendy: Anyway most of the cases in the database are gang-related. But I figured, well, it's worth a shot. Hodges: Well, that'll look good on the old Grissom point meter. (Hodges steps around her. Wendy looks at him.) Wendy: It's protocol. Hodges: I'm just saying, be careful: no one likes a kiss-ass. (Hodges leaves.) Wendy: Really? (Wendy puts the swab box back on the rack and flips the DNA printout to the next page as she works. She continues running searches through the CANINE CODIS.) (She finds a match to HANNIBAL, a pit bull.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (Nick steps out into the hallway. Wendy turns the corner and finds him.) Wendy: Hey, Nick, have you seen Catherine? Nick: Yeah, she got another call-out. We're a little bit shorthanded right now. What's up? Wendy: The canine DNA database got a hit on the saliva. It's a pit bull named Hannibal. (She hands him the printout.) Nick: Confiscated during a drug raid at a gang house three months ago. Wendy: And then held at Del Santos Kennel until he was released to his owner, Gino Aquino. Nick: A member of the D Street Killers. Rodriguez Outreach Center is on D Street. Wendy: Well, you do good work in that neighborhood, and you're bound to piss off the DSKs. Nick: Maybe enough to want her dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. GINO AQUINO'S HOUSE - FRONT YARD -- DAY] (The D Street Crew Members lounge in the front yard. Nick and an officer walks past them on their way to the front door toward Vega.) Nick: (to the officer) Go see everyone's ID. (Vega is with Gino Aquino, who is looking at the warrant.) Gino Aquino: Fine, do your cop thing and don't tell me nuthin'. (They enter the house.) [INT. GINO AQUINO'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUJOUS] (He motions to the house.) Gino Aquino: Go ahead, look around all you want. Sam Vega: (to the officer) Keep an eye on him. (Nick walks into the house. Gino Aquino looks at the warrant.) Gino Aquino: My dog ain't here. You arrested him with me a couple months ago. I never got him back. Sam Vega: Well, Mr. Aquino ... (Deena Aquino, Gino's wife, laughs as she sits on the sofa chair in front of the plasma.) Deena Aquino: Quítese los zapatos! Nick: Lo siento pero esta prohibido. Sam Vega: (o.s.) Look, you or any of your homies hang out at the Rodriguez Outreach Center? (Nick walks through the living room and exits into the kitchen.) Gino Aquino: Yeah, right. A bunch of rich people trying to feel good about themselves. They should just give us the money. [EXT. GINO AQUINO'S HOUSE - BACK YARD / STORAGE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Nick exits out into the back yard where he finds a stake in the ground with a long chain attached to it. Further on, he sees a concrete brick with a long chain attached to it.) (Nick pushes the curtain covering the entrance to the storage shed aside. Inside he finds a couple of treadmills, some empty dog carrying cases and a couple of water dishes. On the walls he finds leashes, chains and other items.) (Nick puts his kit down and opens it. He takes out a camera and snaps photos of the water dishes and the chewing toy on the dog traveling case.) (Nick notices the dog hairs on the treadmill. He photographs that as well.) (Nick tape lifts the dog hairs off the treadmill and looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. AQUINO'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY] (Nick talks with Gino Aquino who is eating.) Nick: I thought you said your dog's been gone for a couple months now. Gino Aquino: Yeah, check the police report. Nick: Then why do you have a bowl of fresh water for him out in the shed? Gino Aquino: In case he comes back. Nick: And the leashes? Gino Aquino: I'm still in mourning. Nick: What about the treadmill? Gino Aquino: You crazy? I bought that for her. (He points to his wife, Deena, who is eating in front of the plasma.) Deena Aquino: Eh, no me metas en esto. Gino Aquino: Callate, ya! Do I need to tap my defender? Sam Vega: Tell him to meet you downtown. (Vega motions for the officer to come in. Aquino gets to his feet.) Gino Aquino: Voy a la carcel porque estas muy ocupado comiendo y no limpias. (Nick and Vega roll their eyes and shake their heads.) Deena Aquino: Mm-mm, como porque tu no llenas mis necesidades emocionales, okay? (They head outside. The officer escorts Gino outside as well.) Deena Aquino: Ah, pegame. Vas a ver. Vete de aquí! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - DAY] (On the monitor: Felix Rodriguez is talking with the press.) Felix Rodriguez: (from tv) So I'm offering a $100,000 reward for any information leading to the arrest and conviction of my wife's killer. REVEAL: Catherine is watching the report on television as she sips out of her cup. Henry walks in. Felix Rodriguez: (from tv) I will not rest until the murderer is caught and brought to justice. Henry Andrews: I know government employees aren't eligible for reward money, but I think we should at least get a small percentage. Catherine: It's called your salary. What have you got? Henry Andrews: Possible COD on Elizabeth Rodriguez. Overdose. Catherine: Phenytoin and pentobarbital. An anti-epileptic and a sedative hypnotic? Henry Andrews: In combination, they're used to euthanize animals. Catherine: Dog bites, mass dog grave, euthanizing solution. Well, those drugs are controlled substances, so their sales should be registered. Henry Andrews: Already put together a list of the buyers in the Las Vegas area. (Catherine looks at the list.) Catherine: Del Santos Kennel. (Catherine takes her phone out and makes a call. She turns and heads out.) Catherine: (to phone) Yeah, Nicky, where are you? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KENNEL (STOCK) - DAY] (Dogs bark in the distance.) [INT. DEL SANTOS KENNEL - DAY] (Nick points to a photo of Elizabeth Rodriguez carrying two dogs.) Nick: Elizabeth Rodriguez. She was friends with the owner. She bankrolled the place. Her old man's rich. (He turns and looks at Catherine and the two officers on the other side of the counter. She hands him the warrant.) Catherine: We need to see your controlled substances; any records you have on a confiscated dog named Hannibal; and I'll have to print everyone who works here. All right, no problem. The owner's got the key to the cabinet. His name's Steve Card. He's just down the hall. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DEL SANTOS KENNEL - EXAM ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (Steve Card heads for the cabinet with the controlled substances.) Catherine: Anybody else have access? Steve Card: Uh, no, I have the only key. (He unlocks the cabinet and steps away for Catherine to open.) Catherine: Are you a licensed veterinarian? Steve Card: Vet tech. Catherine: Oh, I didn't realize that techs were allowed to perform surgeries. Steve Card: Not on live animals, but once the dog dies I can harvest the organs. I sell the hearts to research labs doing heartworm studies. (Catherine looks at him.) Steve Card: (explains) It's a rescue kennel. Most the dogs who come in are problematic, aggressive. Most don't make it out. (In the background, we hear dogs barking. Catherine examines the substances.) Nick: Mr. Card, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside. We'll get your statement. LATER: (Catherine is looking at the contents of the refrigerator. She closes the door and looks inside the cabinet drawers. In the first drawer, she finds some boxes. In the second drawer, she finds a bag of scissors.) (She looks at the cabinet and finds a screw missing on one of the hinges.) (She opens the cabinet and pushes the bottles to one side. In the back, she finds a small camera set up inside the cabinet to record something in the other room.) (She turns around and finds a wooden contraption with a leather dog leash attached to it.) LATER: (Catherine and Nick examine the wooden contraption.) Catherine: What do you think that is? Nick: I don't know. But the pattern on these restraints is consistent to ligature marks on the victim. Catherine: There's a hidden camera in the medicine cabinet pointing right at it. It's an awful lot of blood. (Nick finds a hair on the wooden contraption.) Nick: Long red hairs. Hmm. I don't think these came from a dog. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DEL SANTOS KENNEL - DAY] (An officer escorts Steve Card out of the exam room area. They pass by Nick and Tommy Halpert.) Tommy Halpert: Wait, what is he being arrested for? Nick: Murder. Tommy Halpert: Who got murdered? Nick: Mrs. Rodriguez. Do you have any idea what that contraption's used for in the back storage room there? Tommy Halpert: Um, I'm not allowed back there. I just pick up the poop and walk the dogs. Nick: Mm-hmm. It says here you released the dog back to its owner, but Mr. Aquino claims he never got Hannibal back. Tommy Halpert: That's not true. I was here when he picked Hannibal up. Nick: How many dogs you got here? Tommy Halpert: Like 47 right now. Nick: I'm gonna need to collect saliva samples from all of them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DEL SANTOS KENNEL - KENNEL AREA -- DAY] (Tommy Halpert shows Nick through the kennel area where the dogs are kept.) Tommy Halpert: Most of these guys are pretty jacked up. (He opens the cage in the back to show a pit bull with a bandage around its head. He kneels and pets the dog.) Nick: Ooh, yeah, looks like he's been in a few fights. Tommy Halpert: Yeah, most of them have. (Nick puts his kit down and takes out a swab. Tommy continues to pet the dog.) Tommy Halpert: You can go ahead. He's not gonna bother you. (Nick takes a swab of the dog's mouth.) Nick: Must get pretty tough working here, huh? Tommy Halpert: Yeah, you try to make a difference. I spent some time in a cage, so I know what it's like. (Nick nods. Tommy whispers to the dog.) Tommy Halpert: Yeah, you're a good boy. You're a good boy. (Nick turns and looks at the Chihuahua in the next cage, badly injured. He looks at the pit bull with the bandage around its head.) Tommy Halpert: It's okay, boy. It's okay. (Tommy really likes the dogs.) Tommy Halpert: Oh, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (Mandy runs a print through the database. Warrick is in the garage looking at his car, but staying outside the taped area around it.) (The computer chirps and it finds a match: WARRICK BROWN.) (Warrick walks into the lab.) Warrick: You got any print results from off my car? Mandy: Should I be talking to you? Warrick: Yeah, I've been cleared. Mandy: Well, no, actually all I got so far are your prints. (Warrick sighs and heads back into the garage. The computer chirps and Mandy finds another print match.) Mandy: Wait, I got something. (Warrick turns around. The print matches: RICHARD DORSEY, the homeless man who lived in the alley behind the strip club.) Warrick: I know that guy. (Quick FLASHBACK TO: Richard Dorsey leans against the side of the building smoking a cigarette.) (CUT TO: Richard Dorsey runs up the building steps to the roof as Warrick chases after him.) Warrick: Hey! I just want to talk to you. (End flashback.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Warrick walks into Grissom's office and puts the file on his desk.) Warrick: His name is Richard Dorsey. (Grissom picks up the file and looks at the photo.) Grissom: You know, you keep pursuing this, you're going to end up suspended. Warrick: Dorsey's prints were found inside my car under the broken window. Grissom: Well, that's consistent with him putting the body in your car. Warrick: Grissom, he's a homeless guy. He lives in the alley behind the strip club. Don't you get it? He's Gedda's fall guy. This is a frame job. Grissom: Okay, I'll have Brass check it out. You stay out of it, though. (Warrick holds his hands up and backs away. He turns and leaves the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Catherine and Sam Vega talk with Steve Card and his lawyer, Brad Lewis.) Catherine: We've got the victim's blood and hair at your kennel. She died of an overdose of the same drugs that were found in a medicine cabinet that only you had access to. Sam Vega: If I were you, I'd save my money and start talking. Brad Lewis (lawyer): Are you acting as his lawyer now? Catherine: Mr. Card, I found this hidden camera in the exam room. Where's the receiver? (She shows him a photo of the camera.) Steve Card: I don't know anything about this. Sam Vega: Did you forget about the camera when you killed Elizabeth Rodriguez? Steve Card: I didn't kill Lizzie. She was my business partner. Brad Lewis (lawyer): I'm advising you to stop talking. Steve Card: It's not your ass. I'm a victim here. Catherine: How do you figure? It was on the morning news that Lizzie was dead. And when I came into work ... (Quick flashback to: Steve Card walks into work and finds the place a bloody mess. He cleans up and scrubs the blood off the floor.) END FLASHBACK. Catherine: So instead of calling the police, you cleaned up the crime scene. Sam Vega: That makes you an accessory. Brad Lewis (lawyer): He was afraid for his life. Steve Card: Nobody cheats the D Street Killers out of 50 Gs and lives. Catherine: You cheated them out of $50,000? Steve Card: Not me. Lizzie. (Quick flashback to: Steve carries out a bag of money and puts it down on the counter in front of Elizabeth. She uncaps a container.) Steve Card: We banked 50 Gs. I bet Gino's getting sick of losing. Elizabeth Rodriguez: It never fails. (She pours some of the liquid in the container on the dog's back.) Elizabeth Rodriguez: When I fight a dog, I fight to win. (He watches her wipe the mixture into the dog's back. She looks at him.) END OF FLASHBACK. Steve Card: Lizzie was the #1 dog fighter in all of Vegas. That drove Gino nuts 'cause he was like this close to knocking her off the top spot. Sam Vega: You seriously want us to believe that Mrs. Rodriguez, humanitarian of the year, was into dog fighting? Steve Card: Oh, she was no Mother Theresa. But, see, she'd still be alive if she wasn't a dirty dog fighter. That rub, it made the other dog sick. Catherine: Gee, I hate to see the sport tainted like that. Steve Card: Why do you think she gave money to my rescue kennel? She didn't even like dogs, but fighting them, that was in her blood. Passed down from her daddy, who taught her the whole family business. Catherine: Okay ... what is this? (She shows him the photo of the wooden contraption.) Steve Card: It's a ... it's a breeding stand. The sport has a high mortality rate, and.. uh..combative bitches won't breed without a fight. So we have to tie them down to consummate the act. Catherine: The victim was tied to that stand. Steve Card: That's sick. (Steve looks at his lawyer.) Brad Lewis (lawyer): My client's willing to give you everything. Catherine: What's "everything"? Brad Lewis (lawyer): My client cleaned up the scene, but he didn't dispose of the evidence. (He puts a plastic bag on the table in front of them.) Brad Lewis (lawyer): We can also give you Gino Aquino. (Catherine looks at Steve Card.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. BUILDING -- NIGHT] (Several cars are parked outside a lone building. The lights are on inside the building. A car quietly pulls up in front.) [INT. BUILDING - NIGHT] (A small crowd has gathered as two owners hold their growling dogs apart.) (Gino Aquino collects the bills. Deena is there as well as other members of the D Street Killers gang.) (The black dog barks in its cage. Gino lets Hannibal go and the two dogs tear into each other as the crowd cheers.) (The dog fight continues. Hannibal tears into his opponent's shoulder. The dog stops fighting and lays down, its neck bloodied.) (The crowd continues as the money exchanges hands. The owner enters the ring and picks up his dog. Someone stops by and hands the owner some money.) (Suddenly, the door bursts open. Sam Vega and officers enter the room. ) Sam Vega: LVPD! Policía! Freeze! Nadie se mueve! Manos arriba! (Everyone stops.) Sam Vega: Hands in the air! (They put their hands in the air. Everything is quiet for a moment. Suddenly, someone pulls out a gun and fires.) (The place erupts with gunfire. Gino Aquino is hit in the shoulder.) (An officer is hit and falls to the ground.) (Gino grabs his dog's leash and heads for the back door. An officer shoots one of the gang members. Another gang member quickly puts his hands up.) Gang Member: I give up! I give up! Officer: On the ground, now! (Gino Aquino hurries toward the back. Two officers block his path.) Officer: Freeze! (Gino turns to run and finds Vega there behind him.) Sam Vega: Don't even think about it. Let me guess. You found your dog. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BUILDING -- DAY] (Nick closes the back of the SUV and joins the animal control officer with a dog on a leash.) Nick: Hey, what's going to happen to all these dogs now? Animal Control Officer: They'll have to be put down. Law says they're dangerous. Nick: And the people who turn them into killers, they just get away with a slap on the wrist, huh? Animal Control Officer: It's not illegal to train them to fight. (He puts the dog in the back of the truck and shuts the cage door.) Nick: Well, it should be. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. HIGHWAY UNDERPASS -- DAY] (Grissom kneels in front of a cardboard box and shines his flashlight inside. The man sleeping stirs, then looks at Grissom.) Homeless Man: Get away from my house. Grissom: Sorry. (Grissom stands up and moves away.) Officer Mitchell: Grissom. All these guys know Dorsey. This is where he lives. (Grissom looks around at the homeless people sleeping on the ground. He finds Dorsey.) Grissom: Hey, Mitch. (Officer Mitchell checks, then wakes him up.) Officer Mitchell: Richard Dorsey! Time to wake up. You're under arrest. (Officer Mitchell picks Richard Dorsey up to his feet to handcuff him. Grissom notices the drugs.) Officer Mitchell: Meth head. No weapons. He's clean. All right, let's go. (Grissom finds a pink cell phone and sees Candy's photo on it.) (He looks around Dorsey's things and finds a bloodied knife.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nick talks with the ER doctor, who is holding a plastic vial container with a bullet inside.) ER Doctor: Pulled this bullet out of Mr. Aquino's shoulder. (He gives it to Nick to look at.) Nick: It looks like a like .25 caliber. That's friendly fire. Thanks, Doc. (Nick joins Sam Vega, who is waiting for him. They both enter - [INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL - GINO'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Gino Aquino: (complaining) My arm ain't never gonna work right again. I'm gonna sure all your asses. Nick: No, no, no, it was a .25 caliber slug they pulled out of you. It means it was one of your boys. Gino Aquino: It was probably some cop's backup. Nick: Yeah, that's probably it. Sam Vega: Ya basta, Gino. We have a witness who says you killed Elizabeth Rodriguez because she cheated you out of 50 Gs. Gino Aquino: Let me guess: you been talking to Steve Card. Little screamer. That finger's pointing the other way. Lizzie had cojones. I loved that woman. I respected her. You never cross Lizzie, she'll cut 'em off. But Card, he thought he had that immunity idol 'cause he worked for her. (scoffs) Tonto. (Quick flashback to: [INT. ABANDONED HOUSE - NIGHT] Steve Card is dripping the mixture on the back of a black dog. Elizabeth sees him and doesn't like it. She goes over to him and slaps him.) Elizabeth Rodriguez: You cheating little bitch. You been doing this all night? (She punches Steve Card in the face again.) Elizabeth Rodriguez: If I ever catch you cheating again, I will feed your heart to that dog. (Elizabeth turns to Gino, who is smiling big time.) Elizabeth Rodriguez: That last fight wasn't on the up. Next dog's not right either. You forfeit. (She gives him a stack of bills. He leaves happy.) END FLASHBACK. (Gino shakes his head with admiration.) Gino Aquino: Without her, he was nobody. She was a bad bitch. That's your motive. Anything else you need help with? Nick: Tell me about all the dead dogs I found down the Silverado Wash. Were you the one that tortured them? Made them fight? And when they died, were you the one that threw them out with the trash? Hmm? Was that you? Gino Aquino: I thought this was about Lizzie. Sam Vega: One way or another, Gino, you're not going to see the streets for quite a while. (Sam and Nick leave the room. Just before he leaves, Nick turns back.) Nick: You know, there are two things a jury can't stand: people who abuse kids and people who abuse animals. So buena suerte. (Nick leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Nick and Catherine walk down the hallway.) Catherine: Classic he said/he said. Nick: Steve Card was the only one with access to the drugs and he admitted to cleaning up the crime scene. Catherine: There's no forced entry at the kennel. He has no alibi. Nick: And why would he give us all of Elizabeth's personal effects? You know, I'm starting to get the feeling the guy's not really all that smart. Catherine: He has a good lawyer. Realized that we were onto his client and wanted to throw us off the scent. Nick: Well, maybe Gino's telling the truth. Catherine: Problem is, we don't have enough evidence to convict either one of them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - NIGHT] (Greg looks at Elizabeth's things on the table. He picks up the shoe.) Greg: One pair of woman's shoes, size 7, silver. Swabbed a blood sample from the instep of the right shoe, sent it to DNA. One woman's handbag, also silver. (He looks inside.) Contents include one tube of Superla Red lipstick #36 ... one mirrored compact ... (He closes the compact and picks up the keys.) Greg: ... one set of keys holding four -- no, five keys --one Mercedes key, one Schlage brass key. (Greg looks at the drug cabinet key. He puts the keys down and looks in the file. He double-checks STEVE CARD PERSONAL PROPERTY: 1) Key ring containing: a) Car key w/ alarm b) Brass colored cabinet key-#6128 c) Silver colored mailbox key d) Blue colored house key. (Greg closes the file folder and picks up the keys. He dusts the key for prints. He finds one.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (Greg reports his findings to Nick.) Greg: Steve Card was lying when he said he was the only one with the key to the drug cabinet. Elizabeth had one, too. Nick: Means the killer could have used her key. Greg: Got a print. (Greg hands the file to Nick. The print belongs to TOMMY HALPERT.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PD - HALLWAY OUTSIDE / INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Tommy Halpert is sitting in the interview room as Nick waits outside.) DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: (o.s.) Nick. (Nick turns and sees Jeffrey Sinclair walk up to him.) Nick: Hey. We ... uh ... we can't really talk to him yet. He's still waiting for his lawyer. DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: He's waiting for me. Nick: Hmm? DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: He's a confidential informant. The DA's investigating Steve Card, Gino Aquino, Elizabeth Rodriguez, everybody associated with the dogfighting ring. Nick: (nods) So you knew about this? DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: Knowing about it and proving it are two different things. Nick: Okay. (scoffs) Okay, so what's this guy's story? DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: Same old-- he... used to ride with the D-Streeters, shot his old man when he was 15, did four years in juvie, got out, tried to turn his life around. We busted him 18 months ago for possession and assault. He cut a deal. Nick: So he's got a history of violence. You think he killed Mrs. Rodriguez? DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: It took me over a year to get him inside that dogfighting ring. I'm reserving judgment. (Nick nods. They enter the room.) (Tommy looks up as they walk in.) Tommy Halpert: I did the best that I could. DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: I'm sure you did, Tommy. Tommy Halpert: And I told you what they were doing to those dogs and I gave you all the tapes. DDA Jeffrey Sinclair: It wasn't enough. We needed to see the dogs fighting; that's the felony. Tommy Halpert: But they had the fights in different places. I mean, she never told me where they were, s-so ... Nick: Tommy, did you kill Elizabeth Rodriguez? (Tommy looks at Nick.) Nick: I, I could understand if you did. A whole lot of people that would say she had it coming. (Nick sits down.) (Quick flashback to: Elizabeth hits one of the dogs as Tommy watches. End flashback.) Tommy Halpert: You know, I've been on the streets ... in juvie. I've seen people do some bad things to each other, but those dogs, like ... you can beat their brains in and, like, a minute later they come up to you just wagging their tails. Nick: I know, man. That's how they are. I always had dogs growing up. Did you? Tommy Halpert: No, I never had a pet. My mom was allergic. Nick: No, but you really cared about those dogs at the kennel. Now, I know. I saw the way you treated them. Tommy Halpert: Do you know how they train them? (Nick shakes his head, no.) (Quick flashback to: A dog runs on a treadmill.) Tommy: (V.O.) They'd run them till they dropped. (CUT TO: The dog jumps up to grab a piece of meat hanging in the air.) Tommy: (V.O.) They'd strengthen their jaws. (CUT TO: Elizabeth picks up a small poodle.) Tommy: (V.O.) Then, they would feed them little dogs, sometimes cats ... (She puts the poodle in the bigger dog's cage.) Tommy: (V.O.) ... just to give them the taste of blood. (End of flashback.) Tommy: (accusing) And I showed you what she did and you did nothing to stop her. (He's crying.) Nick: No. No, but you did. (He looks at Nick.) Nick: Didn't you? (Tommy nods.) Tommy Halpert: She was fighting dogs. All right, she was ... she was killing dogs in the ring for money week after week. And the city decides to give her an award? I gave her what she really deserved. (Quick flashback to: Tommy hits Elizabeth on the back of her head. He straps her onto the wooden contraption, then injects her.) (She groans and passes out.) (Tommy drags her into the kennel and opens the pit bull's cage.) Tommy: Go on! Go on! Go on! (The dog runs over and attacks Elizabeth. He opens another cage) Tommy: Go get her! (He opens more cages.) (Tommy watches as the dogs attack Elizabeth.) END FLASHBACK. Tommy Halpert: At least I had the decency to euthanize her before I threw her to the dogs. (Nick is quiet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Nick and Catherine walk through the hallway.) Catherine: Well, you don't look like a guy who just got a confession. Nick: Oh ... something's still bugging me. If Mr. Rodriguez hadn't left the party, Elizabeth might still be alive. Catherine: You think he would have gone to the kennel with her? Nick: I don't know, but he received a phone call from somebody that night that made him leave his wife. Catherine: Check the phone records. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING GARAGE - DAY] (Felix Rodriguez gets out of his car and engages the car alarm. Sam Vega and Nick walk up to him.) Sam Vega: Mr. Rodriguez. Tienes tiempo? Felix Rodriguez: Detective Vega, Mr. Stokes. Did you catch the man who killed my wife? Sam Vega: Yes, sir. Tommy Halpert. We have him in custody now. Nick: Hey, witnesses at the party said that you received a phone call the night of the murder and then you just left. We know that phone call was from Tommy Halpert. (Quick flashback to: [INT. COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT] Felix checks his cell phone and closes it. He kisses his wife and leaves her on the dance floor.) END FLASHBACK. Nick: What'd you two talk about? Felix Rodriguez: Tommy said if I didn't speak to my wife that night, he would ... Nick: Speak to your wife about what? Felix Rodriguez: The dog fighting. He showed me the tapes. (Quick flashback to: [INT. CAR] Tommy shows Felix Rodriguez the dogfighting tapes.) END FLASHBACK. Sam Vega: What did Elizabeth say when you confronted her? Felix Rodriguez: I didn't. Nick: So you just left her there, knowing that Tommy was going to come after her? Felix Rodriguez: Violence begets violence. Is that all? Nick: You let this happen. You did. (Nick and Sam Vega turn and walk away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass and Grissom interview Richard Dorsey. Brass snaps his fingers.) Brass: Hey, you still with me, Richard? (Richard lifts his head off the table.) Richard Dorsey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brass: Remember her? (Brass shows Dorsey a photo of Candy.) Brass: She worked at Pigalle. Richard Dorsey: They all look the same to me. Brass: No, they don't. There's blondes, brunettes, B-cups, D-cups. Richard Dorsey: How about a cup of coffee, huh? Hey, you got a cigarette I could bum off you? Brass: It's bad for your health. How about a diet soda? Richard Dorsey: Diet? No. No diet. I need the ups. (Grissom puts the evidence bag with the pink cell phone on the table.) Grissom: Where did you get this? (Dorsey looks at it.) Richard Dorsey: Where's the soda? (Warrick is in the observation room watching the interview.) Brass: (filtered) Hey, it's a two-way street, Richard. You answer the questions, we'll get you a soda. (Richard grabs the evidence bag and looks at the cell phone.) Richard Dorsey: Yeah. Uh ... I found it. That's it. I found it. Grissom: No, you didn't. Richard Dorsey: I didn't? (Grissom smiles at him and shakes his head.) Richard Dorsey: Damn. Okay. Uh, yeah, I stole it. That's right. I stole it. (Quick flashback to: [UNDERPASS - NIGHT] Dorsey is running with Candy's purse. She's chasing after him.) Joanna "Candy": Hey! Give me my purse! Give me my purse! (She catches up with him at the wire fence and tries to wrestle the purse from him. He pushes her down and runs off with the purse.) Joanna "Candy": (screams) Help! Somebody! END OF FLASHBACK. Richard Dorsey: I needed money. Brass: Then what happened? Richard Dorsey: I got high. Brass: Then what? Richard Dorsey: I got high again. Brass: Then what? Did you kill her? (Dorsey looks blankly at them.) Grissom: We found her purse and the bloody murder weapon in the place where you were sleeping. We found her dead body inside this car. (Grissom shows him the photos. Dorsey looks surprised to see her dead.) Brass: Why'd you pick that car, Richard? Richard Dorsey: I don't know what you mean. Brass: We found your fingerprint inside the car. Richard Dorsey: (scared) No, that wasn't me. Tha-tha-that w ... that was them. Brass: Who's them? Richard Dorsey: I c ... I can't talk no more. (Warrick has had it. He leaves the observation room. A beat later he opens the interview room door.) Warrick: Come on. Tell the truth. (Brass turns around. Grissom isn't happy to see him.) Brass: Get him out of here. Richard Dorsey: Not you. Warrick: (shouts) Tell the truth. Richard Dorsey: (shouts) This is all your fault. (The officer pushes Warrick out of the room.) Warrick: (shouts) We'll take care of you. We'll get you into rehab. Come on. (Grissom gets up and follows them out.) Richard Dorsey: (shouts) There is no truth! Warrick: (o.s.) Tell the truth! Richard Dorsey: (shouts) THERE IS NO TRUTH! Brass: Get your -- [INT. PD - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERVIEW ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom stops Warrick.) Grissom: Hey! As of right now, you're suspended for two weeks. Warrick: Grissom, you and I both know that Gedda killed that girl and pinned it on that bum. They gave him drugs, got him high, and planted the evidence. You just got to give me a chance to prove it. Grissom: You've had all your chances. You take the suspension or you're fired. (Warrick walks away.) (He passes the bullpen on his way out.) (Someone in the bullpen dials a cell phone.) (The phone rings.) ND Uniform: Hey. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. PIGALLE STRIP CLUB - GEDDA'S OFFICE] ND Uniform: (filtered) I got an update for you. He got suspended. Lou Gedda: (to phone) Good work. (Gedda sits in the barber's chair getting a shave.) (He takes a deep, cleansing breath and exhales.)
Plan: A: her charitable contributions; Q: What was the wealthy socialite known for? A: a dumping ground; Q: Where was the body of a wealthy socialite discovered? A: several dogs; Q: Along with the body of the socialite, what other animals were found in the dumping ground? A: The investigation; Q: What reveals the victim was involved in illegal dog fighting? A: a kennel; Q: Where did the victim torture dogs? A: Warrick; Q: Who is trying to prove he is innocent of murdering an exotic dancer? A: an exotic dancer; Q: Who was found dead in Warrick's car? Summary: The body of a wealthy socialite, known for her charitable contributions, is discovered in a dumping ground along with the bodies of several dogs. The investigation reveals the victim was involved in illegal dog fighting and may have tortured some of the animals at a kennel. Meanwhile, Warrick tries to prove he is innocent of murdering an exotic dancer whose body was found in his car outside a nightclub.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Raylan: Remember that conversation we weren't gonna have? Wynn: [ Screams ] Raylan: This is it. [NEXT_ON] I don't do business with people I don't know. You are a smart man. So, allow this... To be an introduction. This here's the carrot. What's the stick? There is one little man that you need to crack down on right now... Boyd crowder. Boyd: Now, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and presume that there's someone behind the man with the badge. And I'm guessing that man is named Robert Quarles. You ain't got the means or the muscle to beat Quarles' newfound alliance. You go right on back to. Mr. Quarles with your tail 'tween your legs, and you tell him this whole thing was your idea to get back at the Crowders. That it? Not quite. See, I'm gonna want to know what. Mr. Quarles is up to. Gary, this is my business associate, Mike. Gary: Hey, m... Now, wait a minute. Do I know you? Wynn: Yes, Gary. You do. Raylan: If your agents are following Sammy tonin on his els here, then you're either... Art: If you got a case, agent, why don't you let us help you with it? All I need from you, chief, and your deputy here is to back off. Next time you're someplace where our federal friends are listening, mention that Givens came to see you and that you believe he's in bed with a guy from Harlan... a guy named Boyd crowder. Say it! Boyd crowder. [ Indistinct conversations ] [ Groans ] [ Cellphone rings ] It's a call. [ Beep ] Yeah? Hey, listen, I found the source of that heat down here in Lexington. Actually, he found me. He's a silver star. >> Deputy Givens? >> Yeah, turns out he's dirty, but he's looking to help out, with some consideration. I don't know. Could be bullshit. He said I should check it out. He's already in the pocket of some gun thug that he used to dig coal with down in Harlan. >> That crowder kid? >> Yeah. Yes. How's your steak? Waiter! Please, I ordered medium-rare. This is... this is rare-rare. Still got a pulse. >> Sir? You're gonna want to hear this. [ "Jack & coke" plays ] >> ♪ Jack and coke ♪ ♪ Jack and co-o-o-ke ♪ ♪ even better with a Marlboro smoke ♪ ♪ well, tomorrow I'm gonna feel like I'm hanging from the end of a rope ♪ ♪ from a-drinkin' too many Jack and cokes ♪ [ cellphone rings ] >> Tanner. I was wondering what happened to you. Yeah, that was unfortunate. I would love to. It sounds great. Have a good night. Tanner Dodd. >> Wynn: Did he say what happened? >> He wants to meet up to explain. >> Wynn: Brave man. >> ♪ I said, tomorrow I'm gonna feel like I'm hanging from the end of a rope ♪ ♪ from a-drinkin' too many ♪ ♪ Jack and cokes ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> Gary: [ Groaning ] What are you gonna do to me? >> I need you to deliver a message to Raylan Givens. >> Gary: You're taking me home? >> In a way, Gary. >> Gary: And what's the message you want me to give to Raylan? [ Groans ] >> Let's go. [ Dog barking in distance ] [ Engine turns over ] >> ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ >> ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ [ exhales sharply ] Quarles! Yeah? Pardon my intrusion. Sir, my name is Ellstin Limehouse, from Nobles Holle , down in Harlan county. What brings you to Lexington, Mr. Limehouse? I just wanted to let you know Boyd crowder is backing a man for sheriff. And I give a sh1t because... Man named shelby used to be with the Harlan police. Good man from what hear. You came all this way to tell me that. I likes to back the winning side. Raylan: Hey, that was great music last night, Kent. Glad you liked it, Raylan. Raylan: Just what I needed. Oh, hey, listen. I was just about to knock on your door. Raylan: Oh, yeah? Yeah. I saw someone pull around by your car. Raylan: You did? As I was driving up, looked like someone was messing with your trunk. I honked my horn, and they took off. Didn't get a look at them. Raylan: Thank you. You bet. Raylan: You're saying this neighborhood ain't as safe as I thought it was? [ Laughs ] Why I don't mind having a. U.S. marshal living upstairs. Raylan: Take it easy. [ Cellphone ringing ] [ Beep ] Givens. Yeah, who's this? We want to get out of here as fast as we can. [ Indistinct conversation ] Excuse me. I got this. Deputy Givens. Detective Garrity. Thanks for coming out. Raylan: Why am I here? Well, the property is owned by your ex-wife and her husband. We couldn't n'ack either one of them down. Raylan: They're estranged. Excuse me? Raylan: Estranged husband. Oh, estranged husband. Raylan: Jesus. I thought you said you couldn't track him down. Wait, you're saying this is your ex-wife's husband? Raylan: What happened? I don't know. I'm just trying to put the pieces together. I was hoping you could help me. Wait. Where the hell are you going? Raylan: First thing you guys do is look at photos... Anyone you can connect to this place, right? Guy was in real estate. You give me a few minutes, I'll show you a picture of him on a park bench. You got a lot of experience in homicide investigations, do you? Raylan: Mostly, I just hunt fugitives. Well, you've testified in enough of them. As a witness, as an intended victim. In fact, didn't you and. Mr. Hawkins once give testimony in the same case? Two men shot dead in an office owned by Wynn Duffy of Frankfort, Kentucky, and points South. Raylan: That's right. In your experience, who's the most likely perpetrator in a homicide case? Mine, it's the exes... Ex-boyfriends, ex-wives. Raylan: Got to go to work. Well, thanks for your help. Tim: At least now I know you didn't kill him the night he disappeared. Raylan: You don't know that. I could have killed him and put him in my icebox for a few weeks just to throw off the timeline. Tim: Like that dude in. New Jersey. Raylan: What dude in. New Jersey? Tim: Richard "iceman" Kuklinski. Raylan: How'd it work out for him? Tim: Actually, I already knew you didn't kill Gary that night. He's been living in Tulsa for months under an assumed name. Raylan: How'd you know that? Tim: I'm good at my job. Raylan: If you already knew that, why you been messing with me? Tim: [ Breathes deeply ] It was fun. Judge Reardon: I'm disappointed in you, David. Not as much as I am in myself. Judge Reardon: You have to redo the indictment. The second I leave the courtroom. Judge Reardon: You know how you're gonna redo the indictment? Off the top of my head, I'm thinking I'm gonna do whatever you tell me to do. Judge Reardon: Good. You're smarter than I give you credit for. High praise, your honor. Judge Reardon: Add "knowingly." The accused knowingly trapped and sold red-tail hawks. You can't just say trapped the damn things and sold them. That's not in dispute. Add "knowingly." Consider it done. Judge Reardon: I don't consider it done till it's done. Go on. Get. Next! Speedo-wearing lunatic. David vasquez? Yes. FBI S.A.C. Jeremy barkley. Yeah. I understand you've been having some run-ins with Raylan Givens not so long ago, been keeping tabs on him. I wouldn't say I was "keeping" tabs on him." Would it be possible for me to have a look at your file? Yeah. Crowder's cripple almost crippled me. I just wanted to hit back, so I did. I know I should have cleared it with you first, but I know you were fighting with crowder so I thought you'd be okay with it. What's the most important thing you said right there? Should have cleared it with you. When Givens got the oxy trailer, did he see you? Look, I'm gonna find out eventually, he comes to me with a picture, ask if I know this guy. Yeah, he saw me. Threw me out of the trailer at 30 Miles an hour. That's not good. I know. It hurt like a son of a bitch. No, sh1t stain, it's not good because he saw you, which is why you chose this public place to meet, so I don't chop your balls off right now. Look, sir, Mr. Quarles, you need someone who knows his way around Harlan. [ Laughs ] I got the sheriff. Someone who ain't the law. Oh, so what I need is a federal fugitive who assaulted a. U.S. marshal. I don't think so. Mr. Quarles, sir, I will do anything to make it right. You walk into a crowded room, shoot someone in the face, I ask you? Yes, sir. Last chance. I got it. Then get your ass in the car and get back to Harlan as fast as you can. Raylan: Yep? Art: Come in. Have a seat. How you doing, Raylan? Raylan: What, about Gary? I didn't know him that well. Art: No, mean in general. You know, after winona. Raylan: I've been drinking a little more than usual, if I have to be honest. Art: But you live right above a bar, so all you have to do is toddle upstairs. Raylan: Art, what do you want to know? Art: I figure the less I know, the better. Raylan: How you stayed in charge this long, I imagine. Art: But I do need to know that I'm not gonna get blindsided by some horseshit detail that these local peckerwoods dredge up, and then I have to watch them cuff you right here in my marshals office. Raylan: So what do you need to know? Art: Exactly. Raylan: It's gonna rain tomorrow. Might want to bring an umbrella. Art: That's good information. Thank you. So, I don't need to know who else might want to kill Gary Hawkins other than you. Raylan: I can make a couple guesses. Art: The only reason I say "other than you" is because homicide's gonna go after the deer that's already in their cross hairs, and when it comes to Gary, you're an easy target. You know that and I know that. They already know about the two hit men that went after you and winona, and then right after that, Gary disappeared into the ether. Raylan: If he stayed disappeared, I imagine he'd be alive today. Art: Well, if they find another connection besides what they already know, they are gonna burn you down. Raylan: I know that. Art: Have you told winona yet? Raylan: No. Art: Here's your big chance. Winona: I was afraid something might have happened to you. Art: I told them to tell you that Raylan was fine. Winona: Well, that's what they would say even if he wasn't fine. What's going on? Hmm? Leaving us alone. This can't be good. What's up? Raylan: Gary's dead. Winona: What? Raylan: Police found him on your lawn this morning. He was shot. Winona: On my lawn? What did he do? Raylan: I don't... Winona: I mean, I know... I know what the... the stuff that he was involved in, the people that he was all tangled up with and the, um... you know, the money issues. He was shot to death? On my... on my front lawn? I guess I just... I want to know what he did to deserve that. Do you know? Raylan: Local pd's looking into it. Winona: God damn it, Gary. [ Sniffles ] [ Sighs ] Art: Lpd's lab got a good print off the casing. They ran it through the federal and the state databases, and they got a match. Raylan: Wynn Duffy? Quarles? Art: You. You're in the motor coach with Robert Quarles, wynn Duffy, there's a bodyguard out front, but that still doesn't explain to me how you got your fingerprints on a bullet casing. Raylan: I threw a bullet at him. You threw a bullet at him. Raylan: Yeah. Wait, you threw a bullet at him? Raylan: No, I like, dropped it. On the floor? Raylan: On Duffy. So, Duffy was on the floor. Raylan: Yes. You failed to mention that, deputy. Raylan: Well, I'm mentioning it now. How'd he get on the floor, I wonder? Raylan: Look, you wanted to know how my prints got on the casing, now you know. Okay? Wait, why... why did you throw a bullet at him? Raylan: I was trying to make a point. Which was? Raylan: Get the hell out of Kentucky and don't come back. How is throwing a bullet at him gonna accomplish that? Raylan: Told him that the next one might be coming a little faster. Deputy, that might just be the coolest thing I've ever laid ears on [ laughs ] Art: You come up with that all on your own? Raylan: Heard it on the Johnny Carson show once. He was telling some old gangster story. I always thought it was kind of cool. Well, that just gets better and better, huh? It would be a lot better and a lot cooler if it had actually worked. [ Laughing ] But still, it's a shame we have to lock you up. I'm gonna run down this cross on Duffy and see if this damn story makes any sense. Raylan: And I will get back to work. Uh, not so fast, deputy. We need to take a look at your service weapons ballistics. Raylan: Are you serious? Art: Well, his ballistics are all on file from previous, um... They're on file. We just need to check the serial numbers and make sure you're using the same weapon. Raylan: This is ridiculous. Wait, you're not gonna throw that one at me, are you? [ Laughs ] Hello? Anybody there? Police. [ Dog barking in distance ] Anybody here? Somebody just pulled up in front of the house. Wynn: Who? I don't know. Looks like a cop. Did you paint the room? Wynn: Not yet. Go. [ Sighs ] [SCENE_BREAK] Hey, there. Can I help you? Detective dempsey, Lexington police. You are? In my house. Sorry. I knocked. Nobody answered. Tried the door. It just opened. Well, as you can see, there wasn't much to secure in here, so... Who are you? Oh, I'm Robert Quarles. This is wynn Duffy. Wynn: Hello. Both of you. Good. Anybody else here? Wynn: Just us. You don't mind if I look around, then. Mm. Feel free. Wynn: Uh, that door sticks. Sticks. Wynn: Yeah. Detective? Detective? May I ask what brings you here? Either of you know Gary Hawkins? [ Engine turns over ] He says he threw a bullet at you. Threw a... a what? A bullet. A bullet. Well, that is interesting. Says you conspired with Gary Hawkins and two hit men to kill deputy Givens and. Hawkins' wife, winona. Wynn: No. That never happened. Deputy Givens seems to see a lot of conspiracies. All untrue. Wynn: I know Gary said something like that, but I distinctly told deputy Givens I did nothing of the sort. I remember Givens telling Gary to run and to not stop running. Next thing I heard about Gary Hawkins was when I walked in here and your colleague told me he was dead. He admits to beating Duffy. Well, I'm glad he's telling the truth about that. He beat the sh1t out of him. Wynn: He started beating me because he was looking for Gary and I didn't know where he was. And I guess he didn't like my answer, because that's when he started hitting me. In the face. Does he have a drinking problem? What? Wynn: Um, detective? Just between you and me, Raylan Givens is a very angry man. Boyd: Oh, sheriff napier. What brings you to a closed-down bar? Crowder, if my men weren't with me, you'd be on the floor with a bullet in your head. Boyd: Well, I thought this election could be contestested without intimidation. I guess I was wrong. You don't see his hands in the next two seconds, shoot him. Boyd: Whoa, now. Hold on a second. Boyd crowder, you are under arrest. Boyd: For what? For putting 50 pounds of goddamn dynamite under my car. Boyd: I did what now? You have the right to remain silent. Sing along, crocer. I know you know these words by now. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. Ms. Hawkins, could we talk to you for a moment? Winona: Um... Would you like a lawyer present? Winona: Do I need a lawyer present? Raylan: She doesn't need one. You don't need one. Tim: Timeline for yesterday. Did deputy Givens ever mention wanting to do Gary harm? Winona: No. Do you think he might have thought about it? Winona: N-no. Raylan didn't like Gary, but he didn't have any reason to kill him. Even after Gary supposedly hired a hit man to kill both of you? Winona: I'm sorry? Tim: So, between 7:00 and 8:30, you're eating supper alone... black coffee, a scoop of vanilla ice cream. You want to go ahead and put your ear up to that glass, you be my guest. Raylan. Raylan: Tim, give us a second, will you? Tim: Well, no. I don't think I should be going anywhere until we figure out what your timeline is. Winona: Is it true? Raylan: You're gonna have to be more specific. Winona: Those guys who tried to kill us... Gary was involved with that? Tim: Tell you what. I think I need to get myself a cup of coffee. You all want one? Raylan: Yeah. Winona: You're sure? Raylan: Yes. Winona: [ Voice breaking ] Why didn't you tell me? I mean, I looked at him... I looked at him straight in the eye that day, and he knew I was gonna be dead later. And I had no idea. What does that say about me? Art: Raylan, winona, they would like to search both your places and your vehicles. Would you like for me to ask them to get a warrant? Raylan: No. Knock yourself out. Art: Winona? Winona: Huh? Yeah. No, that's fine. What does that say about me? Raylan: Nothing. It doesn't say... Winona: Why didn't you tell me, Raylan? Raylan: I thought if you knew, it would kill you. sh1t. Winona: What? Raylan: My car. Winona: What about your car? Raylan: The bartender said there was someone outside my car this morning, and I looked. There was nothing missing, but I didn't think to see if something was put inside. Winona: Like what? Raylan: Winona, do you know what's going on here? I'm being framed of a murder I didn't commit. Winona: As opposed to a murder you did commit. Raylan: Are you being funny? Winona: No. I'm not trying be funny. I'm just... if you didn't do anything wrong, you don't have anything to worry about. That's what you always told me. Raylan: Winona. Winona, would you wait? I need you to listen to me. Winona: No. No, Raylan. I've heard enough today, don't you think? Art: Raylan, it's about time. [ Elevator bell ding] Ah, there you go. Just the man we're looking for. Raylan: Winona. Hey, hey, you get on that elevator, and I will arrest you. Art: Arrest him for what? This is not a federal case. We're not here about the Hawkins murder. We're here about Raylan Givens being a dirty cop. You have a problem with my men searching your computer, your desk? I'm sure it might take. Mr. Vasquez all of... what?... Five minutes to get a warrant. Raylan: Whatever moves this along. Deputy Givens, we're not done. Who are you? Detective Garrity, Lexington pd. And I'm FBI. Wait your turn. Art: Tim, would you show the detective to the cafeteria? Now, if you're coming after my deputy because he dared disobey your godlike order that he stay away from your Detroit thug... No, no, no, I'm coming after your deputy because I've read the file a U.S.A. Vasquez compiled on deputy Givens, and I discovered a broad, pervasive pattern strongly suggestive of corruption. Art: Raylan may be a lot of things, but I've never gotten even a whiff of dirty. Well, maybe that says something about you, chief. Art: Did you honestly just say that? Chief, you can either assist or resist in this inquiry, but if you resist, we may have to out you under a microscope. Art: [ Chuckles ] You're threatening me now. I'm saying we just may have to give more credence to the claims of one Walter Vondas. He's the one who killed your WITSEC marshal. He said that you beat the sh1t out of him, threatened to kill him to get information. Raylan: Hey. Excuse me. Am I not the one you're after? If so, would you mind if we just get to it? It is my belief that ever since... well, ever since you came to this office here in your home state of Kentucky that you have been working with and perhaps even paid by the convicted criminal Boyd crowder. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] Boyd: What are we waiting for? You're running your boy shelby's campaign to unseat me, and you don't know what we're waiting for? Good luck with that. They're here. You have to wait for the camera, you moron. Gonna do a perp walk, you need the goddamn camera. All ready? Showtime. You rolling? I don't see no red light. There we go. Today, I have arrested Boyd crowder in association with a bombing attempt on my life this morning. Crowder has a long history of run-ins with the law and is known to have experience with explosives and has thrown his questionable muscle behind my opponent in this election. At that point, deputy Givens "deputized" Boyd crowder and then joined him in a shootout that left... Four... four men dead. Not so long ago, a war blew up in Harlan between Boyd Crowder's gang... which now includes Given's father, Arlo, a lifetime criminal. Is that a fair description? Raylan: I'd add "petty" to be more accurate. Between Boyd Crowder's gang and the, uh, Bennett clan, and all the Bennetts ended up, well, in jail or dead. Raylan: When you gonna get to the time I shot Boyd in the chest? Well, you knew that already, right? Well, I do now. Raylan: Oh, my God. Can I go? No. Raylan: Stop me. Art: Raylan. Look, either you stop him, or I will. Art: Raylan! God damn it. Raylan: You know, art, it's bullshit, and you know it. Art: Is it? Raylan: Is that a real question? Art: It had a question mark. Raylan: Here's my answer... Kiss my ass. Art: Fantastic, then. Let's get back in there and settle this! They got nothing! What the hell's wrong with you? Tim: Art, any chance you could spare Givens? LPD wanted a word. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Art: You go talk to LPD. I'll take care of them. Hey! Hey! Where the hell's he going? Art: LPD wanted to talk to him. I told you they could wait. Art: I figured it was their turn gives me a chance to ask you a question, though. Just out of curiosity, what gave you the idea to look into Raylan and Boyd crowder in the first place? Yeah, you never told me that. Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Buzzer ] Tim: What are you doing? Raylan: I got to go. Tim: You got to go. Raylan: It's important. Tim: Where do you got to go? And before you answer... kind of a "what the hell? It's worth a shot"... why don't you try telling me the truth? Raylan: I think Quarles put a murder weapon in my car. Tim: I'm gonna take you downstairs. [ Sighs ] [ Elevator bell dings ] I took you downstairs. Raylan: Winona? Winona: I found the gun. Raylan: Where? Winona: It's at my house. Well, at my old house. Raylan: What are you doing at the house? Winona: Uh, looking for the gun. Raylan: You touch it? Winona: What am I, an asshole? Raylan: Can you get it out of there? Winona: I can try. Raylan: All right. Winona: God damn it. Let's get over to the Hawkin's house now. Raylan: [ sighs ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ engine turns over ] I'll let you in. Tim: I mean, she's older for a Victoria's secret girl, but that's how you know she knows what she's doing. Hey! Hey! Tim: Hey. Where is he? Tim: Where's who? Don't play dumb with me, deputy. Tim: I'm not playing. I'm an idiot. You can ask anybody. Art: Can I help you? Yeah. Your deputy was supposed to take Givens downstairs, bring him right back up. I just checked with the detective. He never saw him. Tim: Well, I took him down. Art: Well, it's a big building, you know. He'll turn up. Could be taking a sh1t. [ Children playing ] Raylan: Thank you. Winona: You gonna throw it off a bridge? Raylan: I...Don't know. Where you headed? Winona: This time, seriously, don't come find me. What the hell are you doing here? I'm here for the money you owe me. We both work for the same guy. Go get it from him. Mr. Quarles specifically said for me to get the money from you. Out of your own pocket, it being an election expense and all the hell I will. Even if I did owe you, I sure as hell wouldn't pay you. You were supposed to wait until I get back in the house before you set that thing off. Damn near blew out my ears. Couldn't hear right all day. Tell you what... get me what you owe me, or next time I won't even wait for you to get out of the car. [ Clicks tongue ] The hell did you go? Your FBI boyfriend about sh1t a brick. Raylan: Needed some air. Anything on ballistics? No match. Raylan: Well, there you go. There you go nothing. You could have used another gun. Raylan: Did you find another gun? You'd be too savvy to keep it around. Probably at the bottom of a river by now. Raylan: You really think I did it. I don't know. I do know I'm not closing the file. Well, it seems you've dodged another in a long series of bullets. Raylan: No indictment? Not from my office. Not yet, anyway. See what you add to your file. Raylan: You know, I'd love to see that file. Oh, deputy, you know what's in it. Raylan: No, I don't. That's why I asked. You know, if you wanted to re-create it yourself, you could sit down with pen and paper and just write down all the sh1t you know you shouldn't have done. Where the hell were you? Raylan: That's none of your business. Art: Special agent in charge barkley has determined that the source of his tip regarding you and Boyd crowder is something he'd rather not divulge, and a.U.S.A. Vasquez said that in order for him to pursue an indictment, he would need to do so. Doesn't mean you're not dirty. Art: [ Sighs ] Raylan: Thanks. Art: Raylan, you remember that time I told you I didn't think you were gonna make it to retirement? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Art: I think it's gonna be me. For God sakes, having you in this office is gonna give me a stroke. [ Horses neighing ] Yeah. I heard you. Sorry, Bob. I know you tried, but dad's guy in the bureau says Givens is out from under already. Understand, this... this thing that we got with the feds watching us, we can't... we can't have any more heat on us, okay? So you're on your own, Bob. It's over. You're out. Don't. Have you thought this through? You know what what my father's gonna do to you? It'll be a short and lonely life. Get out of here. That's awesome. Does it ever jam on you? Raylan: You know you're in violation of a federal court order? Wynn: Deputy, didn't your mother teach you to knock? Raylan: Oh, yeah, she did. She also taught me to shoot. And then my Uncle Sam... he gave me this. And this is my knock. Now, is your boss around? Wynn: Do you see my boss around? Raylan: No. But I bet he was he, then he left, made you stay and paint the walls. Wynn: Can't go wrong with taupe. Raylan: He's got the ice-cold, remorseless bottle-blond shit-bag killer doing scut work. Wynn: Deputy, are you accusing me of being a fake blond? Because if you need me to prove it to you, I might be inclined to break you over that step ladder, ride you down like a teaser pony, and paint this room an entirely different color. Raylan: Now, that is the wynn Duffy I remember. Wynn: You concerned about me, Raylan? Raylan: Little bit. Wynn: Yeah? Raylan: The ss Quarles is going under. You best swim like hell to get clear, or the whirlpool will take you down with it. Wynn: I believe they disproved that on "mythbusters." Raylan: Tell your boss I got the gun that killed Gary. Wynn: Do you? Raylan: Ask him where he thinks it might turn up next. Wynn: Deputy, we both know you're above planting evidence. Raylan: Oh, don't think of it like that. Think of it as just returning that which does not belong to me. Wynn: That's very thoughtful. Raylan: Way my mama raised me. Now clean your sh1t up and get out of my house. The beast will come in many forms. For that is the nature of the beast. The beast will be powerful, charming, may even seem wise. The beast will present himself as just about the best thing since sliced bread... [ Cellphone ringing ] sh1t. ...appear to be that which shall deliver us from all our cares and woes. People will see him, and they "will say, "this is it. He is our salvation." But do not be deceived, for in the truth, he is the great deceiver. We should also call him the great seducer, for he will do everything in his considerable power to make us fall in love with him. You can hate the beast. You can wish to defeat him with your might. Mm. Mm-hmm. But do not discount him, for he is the second most powerful entity in this universe. [ Car door beeping ] [ Dog barking in distance ] That's far enough. What can I do for you, Mr. Quarles? You said you like to back the winning side.
Plan: A: Duffy; Q: Who did Quarles return Gary to Harlan with? A: Winona's front lawn; Q: Where did Quarles and Duffy kill Gary? A: the Lexington homicide department; Q: Along with the FBI, who was Raylan in the crosshairs of? A: Quarles' vacated house; Q: Where does Raylan visit to clear his name? A: a room; Q: Where is Duffy painting in Quarles' house? A: Wynn; Q: Who does Raylan warn Quarles will take with him when he goes down? A: both sides; Q: What side of the Quarles/Boyd feud does Limehouse want to profit from? A: Boyd; Q: Who did Quarles set up by blowing up the Sheriff's car? A: Limehouse's offer; Q: What does Quarles reject? A: jail; Q: Where does Boyd end up after Quarles blows up the Sheriff's car? A: a new Sheriff; Q: What does Boyd want to get done in Harlan? A: Quarles, Tanner; Q: Who is sent on a job that requires him to "shoot somebody in a crowded room"? A: Detroit; Q: Where is Quarles' boss' son from? A: his composure; Q: What does Quarles lose when he finds out that Raylan has been cleared of suspicion? A: The son; Q: Who baits Quarles to shoot Raylan? A: a "short, lonely existence; Q: What does the son of Quarles' boss tell him will happen if Quarles shoots Raylan? A: Noble's Holler; Q: Where does Quarles go to ask for help? A: assistance; Q: What does Quarles ask Limehouse for? Summary: Quarles and Duffy return Gary to Harlan and kill him on Winona's front lawn, putting Raylan in the crosshairs of the FBI and the Lexington homicide department. With Tim and Winona's help, Raylan clears his name. He visits Quarles' vacated house to find Duffy painting a room (where Quarles presumably killed someone), and warns Duffy that Quarles is going down and will take Wynn with him. Quarles is approached by Limehouse, seeking to profit from both sides of the Quarles/Boyd feud. Quarles rebuffs Limehouse's offer, and sets up Boyd by blowing up the current Sheriff of Harlan's car, landing Boyd in jail and delaying his campaign for a new Sheriff. Returning to Quarles, Tanner is sent on a job that requires him to "shoot somebody in a crowded room". When Quarles finds out from his Detroit boss' son that Raylan has been cleared of suspicion, he loses his composure and threatens to shoot him. The son baits Quarles to shoot him, telling him it will lead to a "short, lonely existence". Quarles goes alone to Noble's Holler and sheepishly asks Limehouse for assistance.
ENLIGHTENMENT BY: BARBARA CLEGG Part Two First Air Date: March 2, 1983 Running time: 24:23 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Remarkable, though I think they have their maritime history slightly confused. TURLOUGH: But why waste such skill? What are they trying to achieve? TEGAN: It's like a game. TURLOUGH: The crew are real enough. DOCTOR: Yes. What about the officers? TURLOUGH: Androids? DOCTOR: No, no, it's much more complicated than that. Tegan? TEGAN: I feel terrible. I think I'm seasick. STRIKER: Mister Mate. MARRINER: Sir. Allow me to escort you to your cabin. TEGAN: Have to hurry. DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense, Tegan. The ship's hardly moving. TEGAN: For you, maybe. DOCTOR: Now wait a minute. TURLOUGH: She'll be all right. Whatever else is gong on here, no one's threatened us. DOCTOR: Yet. [SCENE_BREAK] MARRINER: I've arranged somewhere for you to rest. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIKER: Check our exact position. We're about to round our next planet, gentlemen. TURLOUGH: Planet? DOCTOR: Look at the chart. TURLOUGH: Remarkable. These are planets. DOCTOR: If you look closely enough, you'll see it's a solar system containing Earth. TURLOUGH: Well, that explains where they got their crew from. DOCTOR: Indeed. Look, leave now. Find where Marriner's taken Tegan. TURLOUGH: And you? DOCTOR: I want to see what else I can find out here. STRIKER: There's no need to whisper, Doctor. You and your companions are free to come and go as you wish. You are our guests, not our prisoners. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: I want to die. MARRINER: Drink this. TEGAN: What is it? MARRINER: A mixture. TEGAN: Rum? MARRINER: Drink it. TEGAN: No, thanks. MARRINER: It'll make you feel much better. TEGAN: Really? Then drink it yourself. MARRINER: It's quite safe. MARRINER: Drink it. It'll make you feel much better. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Where does this lead? OFFICER: The deck. The crew are busy at the moment. You would only be in the way up there. TURLOUGH: What are they doing? OFFICER: Hauling on the halyards. TURLOUGH: Halyards? On a spaceship? OFFICER: We observe the spirit as well as the rules of the race. You'll find the cabin of the person you seek off the starboard side. TURLOUGH: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] MARRINER: Now you must rest. MARRINER: And I must return to duty. TEGAN: That was a marvellous drink. MARRINER: We shall be rounding the next marker buoy soon. TEGAN: Marker buoy. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Venus. STRIKER: Our first obstacle. DOCTOR: What are you proposing to do? STRIKER: You will see. STRIKER: Our next major obstacle is the Greek. STRIKER: I intend to win this race, and Critas the Greek is the only captain who could possibly beat me. DOCTOR: All the period detail is impressively accurate. STRIKER: There is no point to the race if it isn't. DOCTOR: Everything except that jewel. DOCTOR: That isn't contemporary. Seventeenth century Spanish, isn't it? STRIKER: You're very observant. DOCTOR: The only think out of period. Why? STRIKER: When you meet, perhaps you would like to ask him. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Tegan? Tegan! TEGAN: Hello? TURLOUGH: Are you all right? TEGAN: Of course. TURLOUGH: Are you sure? TEGAN: I feel marvellous. TURLOUGH: You're not space-sick any more? TEGAN: Not at all. TURLOUGH: This must be what they give the crew. Well, it doesn't seem to do them any harm. TEGAN: I'm pleased to hear it. What a jumble this room is. TURLOUGH: Although some of it seems quite familiar. TEGAN: It's a weird mix of my room on the TARDIS and my bedroom in Brisbane. TURLOUGH: I'm beginning to find this ship very strange. TEGAN: Aunt Vanessa. I don't believe it. It's as though somebody's been rummaging around in my memories. TURLOUGH: Perhaps they have. Come on, let's go and find the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Why are you doing this? STRIKER: The race? As a diversion. DOCTOR: And the crews for the ships, you collected from their different time zones just as a diversion, too? STRIKER: They are Ephemerals. DOCTOR: Ephemerals? STRIKER: Beings like yourself. DOCTOR: You had no right to do it. They're real. Living, breathing flesh and blood. STRIKER: You are not an Ephemeral. You are a time dweller. You travel in time. DOCTOR: You're reading my thoughts. STRIKER: You are a Time Lord. A lord of time. Are there lords in such a small domain? DOCTOR: And where do you function? STRIKER: Eternity. SAILOR: Marker buoy, sir, coming up on the starboard bow. STRIKER: The endless wastes of eternity. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What's happening? Are those men going up into the rigging? TURLOUGH: They must be. TEGAN: But it's madness. This ship can't possibly function like a real sailing ship. TURLOUGH: Never heard of solar winds? TEGAN: Yeah. TURLOUGH: Well, they exist for real and produce more than enough energy to propel a ship like this. TEGAN: I don't understand it. These men are from early twentieth century Earth. How can they accept pressurised suits without question? JACKSON: Turlough, come here. TURLOUGH: Perhaps not all of them do. Wait here. JACKSON: Yeah, now look, they're mad, the whole lot of them. I think it's the demon drink. TURLOUGH: No. JACKSON: But it is, it's got to be. I mean, they've had me at it up there. I thought I was sailing in space, going round the stars and I ain't touched a drop. I tell you, they must be putting it in the drinking water and all. Now look, I've got this key. TURLOUGH: To what? JACKSON: It's the key to the rum locker. Look, I've got to go, but you've got to stand by me, lad, like I've stood by you. We've got to chuck the grog over the side. The boys'd never go aloft without it. TURLOUGH: No, they wouldn't, would they. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIKER: Stand by to shorten sail. MARRINER: Get them aloft, bo'sun. Stand by to shorten sail. STRIKER: A point and a half to starboard, helmsman. DOCTOR: What are you doing? STRIKER: Hold her on course. We'll cut it as fine as we can. DOCTOR: Do you think that wise? We're coming in too fast. STRIKER: Man the topsail. MARRINER: Man the topsail. DOCTOR: Come about or you'll crash. STRIKER: Certainly not. Hold her on course, helmsman. MARRINER: Get those men aloft. Man the topsail. Stand by to lower the jib. Get those men aloft! [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: No, I won't. I don't want that. I don't drink. I've signed the pledge. Look, I'm not drinking it! I'm not! No, I'm not going back up there, either. You can't send me back. Turlough, you'd better help me. You said you would help me. JACKSON: It's in the drink! It's in the drink! TURLOUGH: I think it's time we weren't here. Come on, let's go and find the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIKER: Hold her on course, man. What are we down to, Mister Mate? MARRINER: Staysail, inner jib and mainsail. If we strip her any more, she won't steer. DOCTOR: Heave to. STRIKER: And lose our chance of being first round? Never! This is the sort of excitement that makes eternity bearable. TEGAN: What's happening? DOCTOR: We're running before the wind. TEGAN: How? DOCTOR: It's some sort of ion drive. It comes to the same thing. TURLOUGH: We're going to hit! STRIKER: Get back to the wheel, helmsman. HELMSMAN: Aye, aye, sir. MARRINER: A close shave, Captain. STRIKER: They'll never catch us now. TURLOUGH: We must have entered the gravitational pull of the planet. Why didn't we crash? DOCTOR: Well, we had a lot of luck. TEGAN: Luck? We could have been killed. MARRINER: But worth risking to win. STRIKER: We are determined to be first. DOCTOR: And winner takes all. MARRINER: Of course. STRIKER: Let us see who is next around the marker, Mister Marriner. MARRINER: Sir. STRIKER: Critas and the Buccaneer. MARRINER: Neck and neck. TEGAN: Doctor, this is madness. DOCTOR: We must stay with it. Remember what the White Guardian said, winner takes all. It has to be the winner of this race. TEGAN: No! STRIKER: Gravitational pull, would you say? MARRINER: He cut it a bit too fine. STRIKER: Bad luck, really. TEGAN: Is that all you can say? A ship and its crew has just been destroyed. DOCTOR: They're not interested, Tegan. STRIKER: We have a clear lead, gentlemen, and I intend to keep it. Mister Marriner, issue the crew with an extra ration of rum with the Captain's compliments. MARRINER: Aye, aye, sir. TURLOUGH: I've never seen a ship break up like that. Was it gravitational pull? DOCTOR: No. TEGAN: What? DOCTOR: You saw the way the ship was manoeuvred around Venus. These vessels are built to withstand enormous stress. TEGAN: Sabotage. DOCTOR: Or it was shot down. It seems this race is getting serious. Someone is prepared to kill in order to win. TEGAN: But what, what's the prize? DOCTOR: That we must find out. I think it's time we had a conference. TEGAN: You don't think DOCTOR: Not here, Tegan, your cabin. I'll meet you there in a moment. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What was all that about? TURLOUGH: You've forgotten your room? Some of them can mind-read. We've got to be very careful. TEGAN: This is turning into a nightmare. TURLOUGH: Hmm. Come on. MARRINER: Allow me to escort you. TEGAN: No, thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIKER: No one on this ship is responsible for the destruction of the Greek. DOCTOR: Then who did it? STRIKER: I don't know. Although sabotage is not against the rules of the race, it is simply less diverting. DOCTOR: Oh, it spoils the fun, you mean. What is against the rules? STRIKER: To go beyond. We must remain within those limits we have chosen for ourselves. DOCTOR: You chose this ship. STRIKER: Yes. DOCTOR: And the crew? STRIKER: They were selected from the relevant period of Earth history. DOCTOR: But why? I mean, it's not just to sail the ships, is it. No, of course not. You need their minds, human minds. STRIKER: Human? DOCTOR: Ephemeral, then. From any planet, any galaxy, any time. The minds of living beings. You depend on them. STRIKER: We are Eternals. You presume to think we depend upon the Ephemeral mind with all our power, our technology? DOCTOR: And I wonder where you got it from, all your technology. Mind you, if you can pick Earth beings from nineteenth century England, from the Athens of Pericles, from the Ch'in dynasty, I suppose you can just as easily pick the minds of more advanced beings from other galaxies. STRIKER: Correct. DOCTOR: Parasites! That's what Eternals are. You feed on living minds, you use them as blueprints. STRIKER: As diversions. DOCTOR: Oh, absolutely. I do see what you mean. Living minds are contaminated with crude emotions, organic, irrational, creative, entertaining. STRIKER: It is true that Ephemerals, dwellers in time, do have a certain entertainment value. DOCTOR: You talk as though they were toys. STRIKER: To me, they are. DOCTOR: Then why is one of you taking this race so seriously? STRIKER: Where are you going? DOCTOR: You don't know? STRIKER: To Miss Tegan's cabin. DOCTOR: You didn't know, though, just for a second. Interesting. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Can you hear? I need your help. Can you hear me? [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Go away. Stop following me. MARRINER: Why are you angry with me? TEGAN: Angry? I'm not angry, I'm disgusted. A ship blows up, all aboard are lost, and you don't even care. MARRINER: You don't understand. They were not lost. They transferred. TEGAN: They were saved? MARRINER: They transferred home. TEGAN: The whole crew? No, you don't mean the crew at all, do you. You mean the officers. Things like you, whatever you are. What happened to the crew? Were they all killed? MARRINER: But Ephemerals have such short lives in any case. TEGAN: Human beings, you mean. MARRINER: Whatever you wish to call them. And on this ship at least, they are treated well. TEGAN: Well? I happen to think that human lives are just as valuable as yours. I happen to be a human being. MARRINER: But you're different. MARRINER: You're not like any Ephemeral I've met before. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: You must answer. I need your help. What's going on here? BLACK GUARDIAN: You are pathetic. BLACK GUARDIAN: I have watched your progress. You had many opportunities to destroy the Doctor. TURLOUGH: I can't kill him. BLACK GUARDIAN: Then I condemn you to everlasting life. You will never leave this ship. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Go away. DOCTOR (OOV.): It's me. DOCTOR: What's the matter? TEGAN: This. This room. DOCTOR: Yes, well, they can make anything they see in your mind. That's how this ship was made, out of the minds of the crew. Just as this room was. TEGAN: Shows the state my mind's in. DOCTOR: Hmm. TEGAN: Are they like Time Lords? DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, they exist outside of time. TEGAN: How? DOCTOR: They're eternal. They exist in eternity. It's er, it's not really what you'd call living. TEGAN: So what makes them tick? DOCTOR: We do. Their minds are empty, used up. They need ideas from us. They're desperate for them. TEGAN: We've got to get away from here. DOCTOR: Yes, not till I find out what's at the end of the race. TEGAN: I must go back to the TARDIS. I can't cope with Marriner. DOCTOR: I do understand how you feel, but I must ask you to stay. The TARDIS is the last thing I want them to find out about. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIKER: TARDIS? [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Could they do anything to the TARDIS? DOCTOR: Well, I wouldn't like to risk it. They do have enormous power. TEGAN: What do we do? DOCTOR: Try to distract them, give them something to worry about. Even an Eternal can't put his mind to too many things at once. Come on. TEGAN: I won't be able to do that. Please, take me back to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: All right. Where's Turlough? TEGAN: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIKER: Now. MARRINER: Aye, aye, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: I won't be happy until I'm back in that console room again. DOCTOR: Turlough! DOCTOR: What happened? TURLOUGH: I fell. TEGAN: Are you sure? What are those marks? DOCTOR: Are you all right? TURLOUGH: I think so. DOCTOR: Come on. We're taking Tegan back to the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Turlough, you wait here. TURLOUGH: Doctor, can't we all leave? They may not have harmed us, but the atmosphere on this ship is evil. TEGAN: He's right. DOCTOR: Is he? You can both wait for me in the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Over here. TEGAN: Where is it? DOCTOR: Well, it was here. TURLOUGH: Oh, no. It can't have just disappeared. DOCTOR: They've found out about the TARDIS. OFFICER: You're right. Take the woman to Mister Marriner. TEGAN: No! OFFICER: Please, Doctor, resistance is futile. We mean her no harm. DOCTOR: What have you done with the TARDIS? OFFICER: You'll find out. Lead the way. [SCENE_BREAK] MARRINER: I'm sorry you wanted to leave. Please, put one on. TEGAN: No. MARRINER: There's so much I wish to show you. TEGAN: I'm not putting that suit on. MARRINER: Please. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be reunited with your friends. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I underestimated you. STRIKER: You helped me. Such was your concern, I could recall your mind as far away as the cabin. The picture was as clear as if you were standing here. DOCTOR: What picture? STRIKER: Of your ship. The TARDIS, I believe you call her. Adrenaline is a most effective energy boost. Your own fear gave her to us. DOCTOR: Where have you taken STRIKER: Miss Tegan is quite safe. She's on deck. Thank you. STRIKER: Perhaps you would care to join her. TURLOUGH: No! I don't want to go up there. Look, I'll tell you what's going on below decks with the Ephemerals. It's mutiny! I'll give you something STRIKER: Turlough, you have the key to the rum locker which Jackson appropriated. TURLOUGH: You know about that as well. STRIKER: Naturally. Thank you. TURLOUGH: There's no need to look at me like that. They knew about it, you heard, so I didn't give him away. DOCTOR: Will Jackson be punished? STRIKER: For entertaining us? Superior beings do not punish inferiors. DOCTOR: Superior? STRIKER: We use them kindly. Jackson is quite calm again. He realises he is safe, as you will. The suit's merely a precaution. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Why have you brought me here? MARRINER: Isn't the sight beautiful? I can see in your mind you find it so. TEGAN: Where's the Doctor? MARRINER: He will be with us in a moment. [SCENE_BREAK] STRIKER: On deck, you will have an interesting view of our competitors. It may help you to decide which one is the saboteur. DOCTOR: What are you competing for? I mean, the whole point of a race is to win something. What's the prize? STRIKER: Enlightenment. DOCTOR: Enlightenment. STRIKER: The wisdom which knows all things and which will enable me to achieve what I desire most. Do not ask what it is. I will not tell you. [SCENE_BREAK] MARRINER: It's perfectly all right. You may also remove your helmet. The atmosphere is breathable. It's maintained by an invisible energy barrier. TEGAN: You like giving people shocks, don't you. MARRINER: I wanted to show you I was telling the truth. Now you can trust me. TURLOUGH: Will we ever get off this ship? DOCTOR: Once we've found the TARDIS. BLACK GUARDIAN (OOV.): You are doomed, boy. You are doomed, boy. You are doomed, boy. TURLOUGH: Are you sure, Doctor? We will get off? DOCTOR: Hopefully, Turlough, hopefully. BLACK GUARDIAN (OOV.): You have failed me. You will now see my wrath. Now see my wrath. Now see my wrath. You will live aboard this ship in perpetual torment. TURLOUGH: No! No! TURLOUGH: I will never serve you again! DOCTOR: No!
Plan: A: Captain Striker; Q: Who reveals to the Doctor that they are Eternal's? A: ephemeral beings; Q: What do the Eternals use? A: The Black Guardian; Q: Who gets harsher with Turlough? A: The Captain; Q: Who takes the Tardis away from the Doctor? Summary: Captain Striker reveals to the Doctor that they are Eternal's and that they use ephemeral beings. The Black Guardian gets harsher with Turlough. The Captain takes the Tardis away from the Doctor.
[A well-appointed dining room.Five men sit around a table -- two on one side, three onthe other. Everyone's holding champagne glasses. Okay, soget this: the two on one side are a black guy and a whiteguy. On the other side are an Asian guy, an Arab guy, anda guy in a wheelchair.] Man: To Judge Bobby. And Dr. Bruce. Congratulations. Tenyears of fidelity. All: Happy anniversary. Asia Man: Where's Jeremy? He said he was stuck insurgery. Black Man: Oh, I'm sure he's operating -- on some boy! Bobby: Or at Club Sodom! Asia Man: That awful place? Man: Where they dance! And have s*x, and take drugs! Man#2: And have s*x. So, I've heard. Black Man: It's ashame Jeremy has allowed himself tobecome a stereotype, instead of a role model for thecommunity. Bobby: Hopefully one day he comes to sensive and realizethat his time can be more productive ways to spend histime. [Cut to Woody's, where the gang's all watching this...ontelevision. Brian shakes his head in disbelief.] Man#2: Last week we read Sylvia Plath. And this week,Jane Austen. Bobby: That's the best anniversary gift, we've everreceived. TV: "Gay as Blazes" will be right back. [Brian grabs the remote and turnsoff the TV.] Brian: Blaze this! Em: Brian, that's my favourite new show. The actors aredreamy! Linds: The Times says that's it the most accurateportrayal of gay life ever shown on television. Brian: Well, then, where's the sucking? And where's thefucking? Mel: Jesus, don't you get enough of that at home? Michael: The whole point on GaB is that it's not allabout s*x. There's more to gay life than that. Brian: Like reading Sylvia Plath. I'd sooner kill myself. Ted: These people have principles. When you haveprinciples, you don't need orgasms. Brian: You have principles when you don't have orgasms. Linds: I, for one, commend the producers for portrayingus as being mature and responsible... Mel: ...instead of being promiscuous and narcissistic. Brian: Welcome to Fantasy Island. Em: Oh, I wish they would bring that back. Ted: Even you have to admit it's important that thestraight world sees realistic portrayals of us. Brian: You called this realistic? And who gives a flyingfuck about what straight people think? Mel: Hey, you better watch your mouth, now that you'regetting the hero award from the Center. Brian: I didn't do anything. Em: You've saved Justin's life. Brian: They can keep their golden dildo. Linds: Hey, hey. I expect you to be in the Center atSunday night. All. Brian: Sunday, darn(!) Suck-a-Rama at The Toolshed. Linds: Oh, very mature, Brian(!) Mel: There he goes our hero. [Ted turns TV on.] TV: "Now return to Gay as Blazes". [Mike goes outside to Brian. Hetouched his back and he's taking his hand.] Michael: Ou, ou, hurting, hurting. Brian: Have she send out to make sure I didn't misbehave? Michael: No, I thoughed we could mishave together. Brian: I can't. I gotta get back. Michael: Christ, don't tell me you're actually becoming agood example for gay men everywhere. Brian: No, I leave that to Gay as Blazes. Justin stillgets freaky when he's on his own too long. Michael: Right. What about tomorrow? Brian: Oh, Slavetanks? Kinky. Michael: There are two over-passes to comic hall.Priority accesses to all events the complete comicbookoverload. One for me, one for you. Brian: Whoa, dude! The kids at school will, like, puke,they'll be, like, so jealous. Michael: I'll take that as a no. Brian: I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day. Michael: Well, right. Sure. Okay. See you around,sometime. Brian: This soaking gives you jealous is no attractingyou. Michael: It's just we doesn't hook up since I've gotback. I thoughed it would be a chance. That's all. Brian: What time tomorrow? Michael: 6. Downtown. Brian: I'm each out then. [Mel and Linds home. Brian'splaying with Gus while Lindsay eats a donut on thecouch.] Linds: You're going and that's final. Brian: The f*ck I am. Mel: Where the hell are my god-damn car keys? Linds: And don't think you can make me chance my mind getout of it by inducing a sugar high with a cheap bag ofdonuts. Even though...these sprinkles are really good. Brian: [to Gus] Come to daddy. C'mon sonnyboy. Mel: We went to a lot of trouble to get you that award. Brian. Well, then get them to give it to someone whoneeds their approval. Linds: There's not about approval. It's honouring you'rebravery, you're courage. Hey hon, you want some with thesprinkles? Mel: No, I know I left him right here. Brian: It's about the three hundred dollars a platethey're charging. Mel: It's to raise money from you're day care programmwhich, please, God, Gus will benefit from. Brian: [to Gus] Did you hear that? Daycare. Linds: Hey, it's maybe a joke to you but this isimportant. Not just to the community but to Mel and me. Mel: It's our first year on the committee. Brian: I'm sorry to f*ck with you're social climbing. Linds: You little sh1t! Mel: Look, honey? That's enough sugar. C'mon Brian, youcan't even an evening to you're honour. Linds: Stand up. [She grabs him by the balls and twists.] Linds: Listen to me, mister! You will show up at theceremony. You will check your pissy attitude at the door.And you will behave in a manner befitting a hero, or atleast like you appreciate all the love, and support andhard work your f*cking friends have gone to on yourfucking behalf! Got it? Brian: [groans] I got it. [Melanie, looking under the couch to no avail, shakes herhead, looks over at the baby, and screams.] Mel: Oh, my god. Linds: What? You find the keyes? [Gus walking! He waddles over to Melanie and Lindsay, whohug each other gleefully.] Brian: Sonny boy. Come to Daddy! [Liberty Diner. Justin's readingthe local gay newspaper.] Justin: f*ck. Did you see this? "A Wolf in Hero'sClothing" by Harold Bellwether. Ted: "Is there anyone less deserving of this year'sGay and Lesbian Center's Outstanding Hero Award forheroism than Brian Kinney?..." Michael: "Mr. Kinney is a miserable example of amodern gay stereotype." Deb: "Totally promiscuous, completely vain" -- well, he's not wrong on that count. Ted: "He can be found nightly in the back rooms ofsex clubs." Vic: "As for the young man he rescued from a violentassault, he is, in fact his eighteen year-old teenagelover." Brian: [to Justin] Is that you? Michael: "So if you let believe he is a hero, thetruth is..." Justin: "He is a pedophile!" Vic: "...deserving not our honor..." Deb: "...but our contempt?" Who the f*ck isthis Howard Bedwetter? Vic: Howard Bellwether happens to the gay socialconscience of Pittsburgh. I always listen to his radioshow, I've read every word he always written. Mmmh.Congratulations. Vic: The Center's giving him the outstanding Gay Award. Deb: Well, they're should him giving the outstandingAsshole Award. Brian: I'm sue him, the m*therf*cker. Michael: Take it easy, Brian. Brian: He said I'm thirty-one. I'm thirty. Justin: Is that all you care about? He practically calledyou a child molester. Brian: Who should better know than you? Michael: Don't forget. Comic Hall tonight, 6 pm. [Emmett skips down the street, afeather duster stuck in his backpack. He's pretty cute.He walks up to a nice brick home, with matching tan BMWsin the driveway. The license plates say "B+B 1"and "B+B 2," respectively. Emmett rings thedoorbell. Inside, a short blond man with glasses -- wholooks a lot like Judge Bobby on Gay as Blazes -- opensthe door.] Blaine: Yes? Em: Hi. I... I'm Emmett. The agancy send me. Blaine: The new maid. I'm Blaine, please come in. [He leads Emmett into the living room to meet his lifepartner, Blair. Blair's black. Like Dr. Bruce on theshow.] Blaine: Sweetheart. Oh, this is my life partner, Blair. Em: Oh my god. You're guys just like Bobby and Bruce. Blair: Who? Em: You know, "Gay as Blazes". ... The TV-Show? Blair: Oh, we don't watch television. Blaine: I'm usual read poem or medical journes. Blair: And I'm preparing legal briefes. Em: Wait, wait. So, you're a judge and you a surgeon? Blaine: [points to Blair] Lawyer. Blair: [points to Blaine] Dentist. Em: Next thing you'll tell me is that you've beentogether for ten years. Blaine: Eleven. Em: And that you never f*ck around. Oh, I'm sorry. Blaine: We believe monogamy is the foundation of a solidrelationship. Don't we, sweetheart? Blair: Absolutly. Em: Oh, that's... that's so inspiring. Um, it's gonna bea real privilege to work for two so destinglish gentlemanlike yourselves. [He then pulls down his pants.] Em: So, where you want me to start? both: Wait. Em: What? I'm... I'm a naked maid. And they tell you...the agency...? Blaine: Yes, but that won't be necessary. Blair: You see, even though some members of our communityfind it titillating to sexualize even domestic work, weprefer that you keep your pants on. Blaine: We're paying the same fee, of course. Blair: It's just our small way of adding a little dignityto our community. Blaine: Our last maid got a Ph.D. Em: Really? Well, if it's not one communicable disease,it's another. So, which way is the designer kitchen? [Comic-book convention. Mikeeagerly waits at the entrance, wearing a Captain Astrot-shirt. Meanwhile, on Liberty Avenue, Brian pulls upnext to a police van. The cop turns and gives Brian TheLook. Back to Mike, who's about to give up. Cut to theback of the van, where Brian has the cop naked andhandcuffed. Brian is wearing the cop's hat and glasses,and waving his nightstick provocatively. Brian's cellrings. He ignores it. At the convention, Mike hangs uphis cell phone, and realizes that Brian has stood himup.] [Mel and Linds are having s*x onthe couch, with the help of a large black vibrator.Melanie's on top.] Linds: [groans] Will we have this good s*x after we'remarried? Mel: [groans] No, that's why we have to this way now. [The doorbell rings. Melanie and Lindsay scramble to gettheir clothes on.] Mel: Oh, sh1t. Who is that? Linds: The vibrator. [Melanie tosses the vibrator to Lindsay before she opensthe door. Lindsay tosses the vibrator under the couchcushions. ] [Mel and Linds house.] Mel: Tannis and Phillip - what a surprise. Tannis: The award ceremony is on crisis. We have to talk. Mel: Guess who's here. Linds: Oh, Tannis, Phillip - what a surprise. Have aseat. [They're sitting on the couch. The vibrator still on.] Mel: So, you say we have a problem? Tannis: Have you read Bellweathers article? Phillip: If you cooperate sponsors hear that we're givingBrian Kinney an award - they will cut us off. We looseour support, our founding... [he pauses] Do you hear abuzzing? Linds: Oh, I... the baby monitors. Tannis: It sounds like it's coming from... [She reaches under the cushions and pulls out thevibrator. she skeeves out and tosses it to Phillip, whoshrieks and tosses it to Melanie.] Mel: Oh, there it is. Did you know that vibrations in asoil produces with in terms stimulate to paddles to open. Linds: This is a complete unfair and dishonest attack!Justin Taylor's a college student. Their relationship islegal, consensual, and very loving. Mel: Besides this award is for Brian's encourage, not forhis sexual content. Phillip: Tell that to our benefactors. The center Scandalcould send them packing, along with their money. Tannis: That is why you two got to get Kinney to declineit. Linds: Do you have any idea what we two had go through toget him to accept it? Phillip: Well, then it wouldn't be a problem, should it? [The next morning Mike's on hiscell, talking to Ted and Emmett. Ted's in bed jerking offto a porno, and Emmett's ironing clothes out on the B andBs' porch.] Mike: ...he stood me up! Ted: No! Mike: He promise me be there but over pass everything. Ted: Well, I hate to say this, Michael, but maybe you andhe drifting apart. Em: Honey, it happens to the closes to friends. Ted: So, how about coming... with me to the Bellweatherbook signing? Mike: After what he wrote about Brian? Ted: Brian's hardly a hero. Em: God, Teddy, when you become so prude? Mike: Since he lost his job whacking off? Ted: I'm not a prude and I wasn't wack... I think he justmight happen a point. Mike: Well, I don't think any of us are in the positionto judge, considering some of the things we've done. Ted: I have nothing to be ashamed off. Mike: I can remind you of a few. Ted: Got to go. [Ted hangs up.] Em: Yeah, me too. I'm ironing my bosses pants. Mike: Aren't you the one who's supposed to be bare-assed? Em: Have you know they prefer me to keep my clothes on. Mike: Are you sure they're gay? Em: Not only they are gay but they're the most decentpeople I've ever met. So, the next time you see Brian, ifyou ever do, you can tell him he's wrong. Those people inGay as Blazes do exists. [Michael hangs up.] [Emmett's still ironing clothesout on the B and Bs' porch. Blair walks up to him,wearing a towel.] Blair: Hey. Em: Oh, hi. Oh, Blaine called. He's doing some extra probono work at the Gay Homeless Shelter and you're do atthe gay Harvard graduate luncheon. I'll have this done ina few. Blair: You're doing a wonderful job, Emmett. Em: Thank you. This is, well... seeing you two has reallyinspired me to strive, to achieve, to better myself. Blair: That's a great compliment. Em: Well, if there is anything else I can do, let meknow. [Emmett hands Blair his pants. Blair"accidentally" drops the pants on the ground.As Emmett reaches down for them, Blair drops his towel,too.] Em: Whoops, you drop you're towl! Blair: Darn, I know. Do you think you can get this forme? [He gets down on his knees to get the towel.] Blair: I'm really grateful. Em: I... I see that. [Liberty Diner. Justin tries toplace a glass of water on Mike's table, but ends upspilling most of it.] Justin: Oh, sorry. Mike: It's okay. Don't worry about it. Deb: Keep it up, sunshine, the good work it is. Isn't hesudden mother's little helper. Mike: "Mother's Little Helper" is Valium.That's from a Rolling Stones song. Deb: I know the song, thank you, I was listening to itbefore you were f*cking born! Justin: Ancient history. [Justin leaves and Deb sits to his son.] Deb: Ok, what did he do this time? Mike: Who? Deb: Who?! Is there anyone else? Mike: He supposed to meet me in the comic conventionand... Deb: I'm bite my tongue so hard, I'm tasting blood. Mike: So, just say it. You will anyway. Deb: Why must the happiness always depend on someoneelse? First Brian, then David, now you back to Brian. Mike: You finished? Deb: I just even started. If you came back here becauseyou thought Brian was missing you as much as you weremissing him, you f*cked up, big-time. Mike: That's not why I came back. Deb: He has a life of his own. Which is more than I cansay about you. And even though you're not going to likeme saying that... Mike: I'm sure of that. Deb: I think he might actually love this kid. As much ashe can. Mike: That doesn't matter. We're still friends - at leastI though we were. That wasn't suppose to change. [Emmett walks down Liberty Avenuewith Ted and Mike.] Em: One minute I starting his color and then I'm suckinghis cock. See, I have destory eleven years of fidelity...that's what I have done. I'm scum. No, I'm worse thanscum. What's worse than scum? Mike: We've all been around enough to know that nobodydoes anything they don't wanna do this. This Blair soundslike no angel. Em: He was. Well, now he's falling. I'm the snake in thegarden of Eden, that's what I am. Mike: Stop blaming you yourself. Ted: No, start blaming yourself. It wouldn't havehappened if you could keep your mind off of s*x longenough to think of something else. Em: Like what? Ted: Like,... going to museum or reading a book. Em: Book...? Ted: Yeah, it's got pages, little words on them, a cover.Literally improves the money, oh, hey they have a sellright here. Anybody care to join me? Mike: No, you keep your hero; I'll stick to CaptainAstro. Em: Oh my god, I gotta go big diner for Blair and Blaine.How I'm gonna face? How I'm gonna say? Mike: Don't say anything. Forgod sake don't let it happenagain. [Elsewhere on Liberty Avenue,Justin clutches Brian's hand as they walk down thestreet.] Brian: Ou! Justin: Sorry. Brian: It's okay. You wanna go back? Justin: No! Brian: Sure? Justin: Yeah. With no hands. [Someone bumps in him.] Justin: Hey! Fucker! Brian: It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Calm down. [SCENE_BREAK] [They're going to the bookstore. They're see Bellweather's book-cover in the front. Inside the store,Mr. Bellweather is cheerfully signing his book. It's Ted's turn.] Ted: Mr. Bellweather, I am so, so validated by what youwrite. You are a font of inspiration and wisdom. Mr.Bellweather: A font? How kind. And you are? Ted: I'm Ted. Ted...Ted Schmidt. Is S-C-H-M... [Justin shoves past Ted and throws another book down infront of Bellweather.] Justin: Sign this! "To Brian Kinney, Please acceptmy apologies for what I wrote about you. I'm a sack oflying sh1t. Love and luck, Howie." Mr.Bellweather: I take it, you are... Justin: ...his teenage lover. [Ted looks around for Brian, who cheerfully waves at himfrom the back of the store.] Mr.Bellweather: It's a pleasure to meet such a boy braveyoung man. If anyone should get an award for heroism,it's you. Justin: You had no rights to say those things. Mr.Bellweather: On the contrary it was my obligation. Justin: He saved my life. Mr.Bellweather: He's also stolen part of it... yourinnocence. Your youth. One day you'll see he's hurt youas much as your attacker. [Justin has no answer for that, so he knocks all thebooks off the table instead, and stomps away.] Brian: And by the way? I'm thirty. [The B and B. Emmett's choppingvegetables in the kitchen when Blaine saunters in.] Blaine: Emmett, you didn't tell me. Em: Tell you what? Blaine: That you would cook. It smells phantastic. Em: Oh, just a little sauce piquant for the fish. Blaine: Blair will be sorry that he miss this. Em: He... he's... he's not here? Blaine: It's his night to meet to the visually-impairedgay seniors group. Em: Well, I just... I just... set table for one, then. Blaine: Why don't you eat with me? I hate dining alone. Em: Alright. Blaine: Mind if I had to taste? Em: Here, let me. [Emmett gets a big spoonful of sauce and feeds it toBlaine. And then spills some on the front of Blaine'spants.] Em: God, someone on you're pants. But we get out thisbefore it stands. Blaine: I'll take my pants off. Em: No, no, no. Don't do that. Let it do in this way. [he'll just take a towel and wipe the stain off the frontof Blaine's pants.] Em: On the second though you should... Blaine: No, no, no, go ahead. You're doing just fine. Butyou'd better rub harder. Em: You've been in museums or read good books, lately? [Blaine unzip his pants.] Em: Oh, oh, look what I've done. Forgive me, Father. [Mel and Linds. Dining Room.Brian sits at the candlelit table while Mel and L. hoveraround him.] Mel: Should o foot, '90. It's a very good year. Linds: Black Angels. So blood it moods. Mel: Wait what we have for dessert. Dead white chocolate. Linds: Have you a other way to go? Mel: Of course he could better. Brian: Oh, yeah. Maybe there is more to life than s*x.Fine dining. Fine wine. Fine cigars. What do you want? Mel: You're so cynical, you can't appreciate a littleTLC? Linds: Yeah... Brian: From the lesbian Lucy and Ethel? So... Linds: You know the award from the center. Mel: The award you never wanted it anyway. Brian: What about it? Linds: Guess what, you don't have to accept it. Brian: I don't? Mel: We're explain to them that you feel comfortable withpublic attention, so they said all you have to do is say,"Thanks anyway, but no thanks" and the wholething are get away. Linds: Isn't that great? You don't have a speech, youdon't wear a tax, nothing. Brian: That's great. What's the real reason? Could it bethe Howard Bellweathers bullshit that he afraid me tospot their image? Or even worse loose their preciousco-operate sponsors? And now they want me to get away asperson. Guess what, I'm not doing any favours. Linds: C'mon, Brian, you don't even want. Mel: We practically had to force feed it to you. Brian: Well, that was before I realized what an honor itwould be to be recognized by such a fine, upstandingorganization. I've already started working on myacceptance speech, in fact. Wanna hear it? Mel: God! [Melanie grabs the plates and stomps off into the kitchenin disgust.] Brian: Greetings, and welcome all yousexually-challenged, transmogrified, bipolar, whateverthe f*ck you ares... [Woody's. Debbie walks in,wearing a leopard-print muumuu and carrying a yellowhandbag. Vic is normal dressed. They spot Mike and Ted ata table and amble over.] Deb: Hey, boys. Hi, honey. Hi, Teddy. Vic: Excuse me, but I believe these seats are reservedfor the living. Mike: Ma, have you to seat here? Deb: Well, I don't see a sign here that says, 'Reservedfor Brian.' Mike: I told you. Deb: I know! I know you are unconfortable hanging out ingay bars with you're mother. But look at this way - ifyou meet somebody nice, you don't have him to bring hometo meet me, 'cause I'm already here! Mike: I'm not meeting anybody. Deb: With an attitude with that, you sure as hell youwon't. You two stay in the month to have some fun, c'mon.Go dancing, go get laid. Ted: What kind of mindless pallative is that for existentialangst? Deb: Say a word? Vic: A damn good one. Before you guys turn around, you'regoing to be our age. Deb: God, don't remind me. Vic: And you regret every night didn't go out and grab alittle life. Deb: Not to mention a little ass! Ted: Well, I did see an invitation on hotpits.com to aB.B. Party. Mike: I though you swore out the internet. Ted: It was before I delete. Deb: A B.B. Party? Ted: Stand for Bodybuilders. Deb: Mmmh, I just love hard pecs and rippled abs. Mike: God mom, you're a such a fag. Vic: Yeah, it puts the rest of us to shame. Well, whatare you waiting for? [The B.B. Party. Ted and Mikewalk into an apartment. The apartment is bathed in a red,low light.] Ted: Oh, no. I get a drink first. Well, some party, huh? [He and Mike walk into the living room, where's there's afull-on orgy taking place. Couples. Groups.] Mike: This isn't a party. This is an orgy. Ted: Boy, if Brian only knew what he was missing! Mike: f*ck Brian! Ted: Oh, my God, do you know who that is? Mike: Don't point! Ted: That's Howard Bellweather. Mike: He hasn't a very good body. Ted: Of course not! He's a writer. Mike: Guess what, that doesn't look like bodybuilder tome. It's not always wrong with that picture. Something'missing. Ted: What? Dirts? Mike: Condoms. They don't using condoms. Ted: Including Howard Bellweather! Mike: Sssh. Holy sh1t, I don't think B.B. stand forbodybuilder. I think it stands for... Ted: Barebacking. [They're leaving.] Tannis: "We are not givingBrian Kinney an award!" [She stands with Mel and Linds in the middle of thereception room, where various minions are setting up forthe awards dinner. Phillip trots up to take the head micfrom her.] Tannis: "I should turn this f*cking thingoff...!" Phillip: Our mistake was sending committee neophytes todo co-chair work in the first place. Tannis: Fams. Philipp: When Kinney assists on accepting this award wehave no other choice but to refuse to give it to him. Linds: I wouldn't do that when I were you. Tannis: Excuse me? Mel: Honey... Linds: If you would take it away now you're be in reachof promise and he'll take action. Phillip: What kind of action? Linds: Legal action. Tannis: Are you suggestion he sue? Linds: "Non-profit" will take on a wholedifferent meaning when he's through with you. Phillip: [to Mel] Is this true? Mel: If he wanted to, he can track us to court. Phillip: But we're financiel ruined, not to mention thehumiliation when we run off the board. Mel: As you're counsel my professional advice is justgive him the f*ckin' award. Phillip: Well, you can tell Mr. Kinney that he can addblackmail to his long list of accomplishments. [he and Tannis are leaving them alone.] Mel: Reach a promise. Where are that coming from? Linds: Well, you f*ck a lawyer, you pick up a few things. [Babylon! One of the go-godancers is dressed as Babylon Man, complete with eye maskand a big "B" painted in the middle of hischest. Mike, Ted, and Emmett at the bar.] Ted: That smug, sanctimonious hypocrite. Who the fuckdoes he think he is, judging everyone else's behavior? Mike: Especially Brian's. Ted: I think I just spend twenty-five bucks on his newbook. Mike: Maybe he'll use the money to buy rubbers. Ted: Is there any such thing as decency left?! Em: There was. Once upon a time. 'Til I came along. Mike: Don't tell me. Ted: You did the other one? Em: Who can help myself? Mike: What about them? You said they were a happy committedapploment. Em: It's not their fault. Obviously, against my powers ofseduction, they didn't stand a chance! I'm gonna go. [Brian insinuates himself in the middle of the group.Mike isn't particularly happy to see him.] Brian: Oh, hey, just the man I'm looking for. You wannadance? Mike: No, I don't feel like it. Brian: What's wrong? Mike: I said I don't want to! Brian: What's the matter with you? Mike: You wouldn't understand and if you did you wouldn'tcare. Brian: Fine. [he's leaving.] Mike: The convention, asshole! You were supposed to meetme! Brian: Is that all? Mike: Yeah, that's all. Brian: I'm sorry, I got tied up. Actually, he did. See, Ipick up some cop... Mike: I donna hear it. It doesn't matter. Brian: C'mon, Mikey, it's a f*ckin' comic book conventionfor Christ sake. Mike: Right, that's all it was. A bunch of geekssearching around for pieces of their lost piece of theirchildhood. It's pathetic when you think about it. Onlythe reason for going wasn't to find a Green Latern from1982, it was for us to be together. The way we werebefore I ran off with David, before Justin got hurt. TheDynamic Duo, reunited once again. But I guess thingsdon't work that way. Things go forward instead ofbackwards, and nothing stays the same, so don't troubleyourself. There's no reason for you to be there with me,and there's no reason for me to expect you to be. [Mike leaves Brian in the middle of the dance floor.] [The B and B. Emmett sits down onthe couch between Blaine and Blair.] Em: I'm, uh...I'm very sorry to have to tell you this. Ihope you won't be angry but um... I have to interview mynotes. Blair: Oh, Emmett, no! Blaine: Aren't you happy here? Blair: Have we something to displease you? Em: No! No, no, no, it's...it's not you. It's me. I'munworthy to work for two such fine men. Blair: You mustn't say that! Blaine: No-one has ever given a service quite like you.In fact Blair told me himself how happy he's were withyou're performance. Haven't you Blair? Blair: Oh, yes. And Blaine has done the same, haven'tyou, sweetheart? Blaine: We've never had a more congenial menial. Em: W...wa...wa...wait a minute. Um, you both know... Blair: Of course. Em: But I... I thought... didn't you say you werecompletely monogamous? Blair: We are. But we can always use a little help aroundthe house. Blaine: Now, won't you stay? Em: You know, I may be a slut. But at least I'm an honestslut. So find someone else to put the starch in yourpants. [Justin's back on Liberty Avenue.He makes his way towards Brian, who's at the opposite endof the block. Justin's antsy, but looking strong. Brianwatches him hopefully, apprehensively, just willing himto make it down the street.] Brian: Come on, sonny boy. [Justin does make it, and gives Brian a big hug.] Justin: I wasn't sure I could do it. Brian: I was. [Brian kisses Justin.] Justin: What's that for? Brian: You know how much I like s*x in public places. Justin: Then suck me off, right here, right now. Broaddaylight. Brian: Well, you are recovering. Justin: Bad as new. Brian: But one step at a time. First we're walk back tomy place then I suck'n you off. Justin: I can do it by myself. Brian: You can give yourself head? Justin: No, I can walk back without a shaper. Brian: You sure this one? Justin: Mmmh-mmmh. I'm sick of you always following mearound. Don't you have friends your own age? Brian: Yeah, but none of them adore me as much as you do. Justin: I can pick up one of those. Anyway you have a bigimportant fund raiser to attend. Brian: To boring an insignificant time waste? Justin: You're a hero. No matter what anyone says. [Justin kisses Brian.] Brian: Thank you for the standing ovation. Justin: Alright. You go. Later. Brian: Later. [GLC Awards. Tannis and Phillipare on the dais being boring.] Deb: It's so stuff here, you need an oxygen mask. [Deb, Em, Ted, Linds, Mel and Vic are sitting at atable.] Vic: Just keep breathing. Mel: Where the hell is Brian? Em: Fashionally late? Mel: He's got his fashionally ass here. Tannis: Our next recipient is a man who's voice being abig approve in an often stormy sea of moral insurtanty. Phillip: A man who has challenged us to account for ourbehavior. Who has demanded that we ask nothing less ofourselves than decency and dignity. Tannis: This years outstanding gay award goes to MisterHoward Bellweather! [Howard Bellwether walks up to the platform amid applauseand cheers.At their table, Debbie mouths the word"asshole" at Vic.] Mr.Bellweather: How can we complain of being stereotyped,of being marginalized, when there are members of ourcommunity that, through their irresponsible behavior,perpetuate such treatment. We are own worst enemy. And sowe must... [Cut later. The camera fades out and in as Bellwetherdrones on in a like manner. Deb is asleep.] Mr.Bellweather: Raise up our moral standards... It is upto us to change the misconception that gay life is allabout s*x. This is the gauntlet I throw down to you toprove that we are concerned, committed citizens weintruth are. Thank you. [Deb's awake. Melanie and Lindsay reluctantly rise andjoin in the applause. So does Ted, to Emmett's shock.] Ted: I still believe in what he says. Even if I don'tbelieve in him. Phillip: Wow, our next recipient's name becomes synomiswith courage when he inveint in gay-bashing incident andsaving a young victims life. Tannis: He's a inspiration to us all. This yearsoutstanding Gay Hero Award goes to Brian Kinney. [Mel and L.'s table cheer, cheer, cheer. But where'sBrian?] Mel: I can't believe he didn't show. Vic: If only to tell them where to stick it... Deb: ...and how high. Linds: I think he got his message across. Loud and clear. [At the ComiCon, Mike gushes overan Iron Man comic.] Mike: Wow, this is so amazing. Five hundred dollars?!What you are even smoking? Brian: But it has style. Mike: Aren't you supposed to being somewhere, winningsome award or a hero of the year? Brian: If you want a hero, buy a comic book. Mike: Why aren't you accepting the award? Not that I givea sh1t. Brian: We had a date. PA: "Attention everyone. Comic convention closing infiveteen minutes." Mike: You barely made it. Look, I meant what I said - youdidn't have to come. We've moved on, and that's okay. Nodemands, no expectations, no regrets. Brian: As long as I was here we're might to have a goodtime. Hey. Let's get a picture. Mike: This is for kids. Brian: C'mon, Mikey! Mike: No, it's stupid! Brian: It wasn't stupid when we were locked up in yourroom, reading Captain Astro and Galaxy Lad and wishing wewere invincible like them. And pretending that no earthlyforce could separate us, like them. And swearing thatwe'd always be there for each other, like them. Mike: You remember that? [Mike bursts into a blinding smile. Brian drags him overto the cutout, and sticks his head where Captain Astro'sis supposed to be. Mike is Galaxy Lad.] [Gay as Blazes. Bruce and Bobbyare sitting with a young man on their couch.] Bobby: You don't have to be out on streets anymore,Travis. Bruce: From now on you're gonna living here with us. Travis: You're so kind. I didn't know gay people like youexisted. Bobby: We're not all sexual predators! Bruce: In fact, the only thing we like bound in leatheris a good nineteenth-century novel. Bobby: Have you read Jane Austen? Travis: No... [Cut to Emmett, sneering on his couch. He points theremote at the television.] Em: Blaze this! [End Credit: Music By The Stranglers "No More Heroes"]
Plan: A: a Hero Award; Q: What award will Brian accept for saving Justin? A: Howard Bellweather; Q: Who is Ted's favorite author? A: fabulous men; Q: What is Emmett working for? A: Gay as Blazes; Q: What is the name of the new gay TV drama? A: Michael; Q: Who wants to reconnect with Brian at the comic convention? Summary: Will Brian accept a Hero Award for saving Justin? Ted's favorite author, Howard Bellweather, is in town to protest Brian's award while collecting his own. Emmett's working for fabulous men who seem like the politically correct characters of the new gay TV drama, "Gay as Blazes"! Michael wants to reconnect with Brian at the comic convention.
Erin: They're back! Kevin: Oooh yeah... [people chuckle] Jim and Pam! Kelly: How was Puerto Rico? Was it so romantic? Jim: It was. Pam: It really was. Jim: Really was. Kelly: [voice cracks] I'm so happy for you... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Puerto Rico was awesome. Pam: Oh my gosh. The honeymoon was great. We met this other couple at the resort, Frank and Benny. We hung out with them a lot. Jim: [goofy voice] Frank and Beans. [laughs] Always makes her laugh. Pam: [goofy voice] Frank and beans! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Is there someone there? Who is there? I hear voices, is somebody there? Dwight: Yeah! Michael: Is someone there? I can't see you because I'm blind. Dwight: Its Jim and Pam, Michael. Michael: [gasps] It is? Dwight: Yeah... Michael: They're back? Oh! Oh! Oh, Pam! [reaching out with hands at chest level] Jim: Nope. Michael: And oh, Jim... Pam: Hi, Michael. Michael: Oh, I haven't see you since my accident that I had when I fell- I fell into the pool of acid, eyes first. Blind guy. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Blind-guy McSqueezy. How do I describe it? It is a character I've been workshopping whose lack of vision gets him into all sorts of trouble. The women in my improve class absolutely hate him. [groans] [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: So what'd you bring us? Pam: Some candy. Meredith: What else? Pam: That's it. Meredith: Oh, 'cause you spent so much on the wedding. Michael: [behind Pam, acting out blind-guy, groaning] Pam: It's good to be home. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: This conversation has two items on the agenda. Jim: Do we have a conversation scheduled? Dwight: Number one, do not leave your things on my desk. It's not some kind of personal pen receptacle for you. I don't care how high they promote you, which brings me to item number two... I never formally congratulated you on your promotion, so I'd just like to say... [high voice, holding up wooden mallard] con-quack-ulations! Jim: Wow, that's... really thoughtful of you, Dwight, thank you. Dwight: [duck voice] You're welcome! [quacks, laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I inserted a listening device into the belly of the mallard. Now I can observe Jim, trap Jim, and destroy Jim, just like in the Bavarian fairy tale. Only this time, the mallard skins the toad alive. And of course in this version you lose the whole veiled critique of the Kaiser thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'm sorry to have been bugging you all these years. Jim: It's a real handsome duck. Dwight: Mallard. Okay, I'll get out of your hair. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey! Erin: Hi! Pam: Uh, we brought back some Puerto Rican candy. Erin: Coco Leche! That's my favorite! Pam: Awesome! I'll leave it up here so everyone can enjoy it. Erin: Oh, um, let me just check with Michael first. Pam: [laughs] I think it'll be okay. Erin: [laughs] I think it will too, but I'll just check with him, though. Pam: Great. Erin: Oops, sorry. [slides candy back to Pam] Oops. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I have recently taken a lover. Jim: Well, that's great. Congratulations. Who's the lucky lady? Michael: Pam's mom. Jim: What? Michael: Pam's mom, Helene. Remember from your wedding? Jim: You're messing with me. Michael: About what? Jim: You did not have s*x with Pam's mom. Michael: Oh, big time. Jim: What kind of car does she drive? Michael: She drives a green camry. Jim: [expletive] Michael: And the seats go all the way down. All the way down. Jim: Oh my God. [Michael bangs the table] Oh my God. Michael: [laughs] What? Jim: Okay, never tell Pam, and secondly- Michael: Okay, good, a pact. A pact. Although I may have to break it tonight when Helene and I tell Pam over dinner. You alright? Jim: Oh my God. Toby: [walks in] Hey, Jim. Jim: Not now, Toby, my God! Toby: Oh, Jesus! Michael: Get the hell out of here, idiot. Toby: What did I do? Jim: Okay, as far as dinner tonight, cancel that, and please, for both our sakes, never, ever, ever see her again. Michael: I think you're underestimating Pam. I think more than anything, she wants me to be happy. Jim: No, not more than anything. Michael: Okay, I have a good thing with the mom- Jim: Don't call her "the mom." Michael: She's right on my way home from work. Jim: Then take a different way home, man! Michael: I di- alright, I'll take surface streets, its- the last thing in the world I would want to do is upset Pam. Jim: Okay, so we're good. Michael: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Can you change my dinner reservations from four people to two? Erin: Sure. Oh, is it okay if I put out some candy that Pam brought back from Puerto Rico? Michael: Sure. Thanks for asking. Erin: Pam, we're all set. [Pam places candy on Erin's desk] Yum. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Frank and beans! Pam: Frank and beans! [both laugh] So what'd we decide for Michael, the bottle of rum, or the seashell alarm clock? Jim: You know what? Can I have the weekend to decide? Pam: Bottle of rum it is. [takes package out of bag] Alright, shall we? Jim: You know what, I am really slammed, trying to catch up on everything here and I know that Michael's slammed too. So, maybe we should do this when things are a little less crazy. Pam: Come on, it'll take two seconds. Jim: No, it- [high-pitched feedback as Jim starts to leave, feedback changes as he moves, turns over the mallard to see the listening devics, sighs, places mallard back on the desk] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [unwraps rum gift] Oh, wow. Pam: [giggles] Michael: That is amazing. I feel like a real Puerto Rican. Erin: Michael, you're all set at Botticelli's. I changed the reservation to two people. Michael: Erin, look. [holds up parrot rum bottle] Erin: Fun! Michael: Yeah. Pam: Wow, Botticelli's, that sounds like a special occasion. Michael: Yeah, no, it's nobody. Pam: [laughs] I don't know. I think Michael has a date. Michael: [chuckles] Hmm... no. Pam: [laughs] I think you have a date. Michael: I don't. Pam: Come on. Jim: Uh, I think we should just drop it... 'cause obviously he doesn't want to talk about it. Michael: [sighs] I don't deserve this, guys. Jim: Yes, you do. Michael: No, I don't. Jim: Just take the parrot. Michael: [long exhale] Jim: Okay, back to the old grind. Michael: I was probably going to break up with her anyway. Pam: Oh, that's too bad. Jim: Don't- Michael: Pam, it is very complicated. There are a lot of moving parts here. Jim: Sounds complicated. Michael: It is. Pam: Yeah, but I mean, if you really like this person, then you should see where it goes. Michael: You want me to be happy? Pam: Of course. Michael: Part of the problem is, she is the mother of a close friend of mine. Pam: Oh. Michael: More than a friend, a co-worker. Pam: Oh! Gossip, who is it? Who is it? Who is it, Michael? ...Who? Michael: It's okay. Pam: No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Nooooo! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: That could have gone one of two ways, but I never expected her to get upset. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [screams out in the parking lot, Michael watches from his office window] Dwight: [to Michael] You seem tense. Hey, you want me to give you the chills? Michael: Okay. Dwight: There's an egg on your head and the yolk is running down, the yolk is running down... Michael: [sighs] Feels good. Dwight: There's a knife in your back and the blood is gushing down... Michael: I'm sleeping with Pam's mom. Sometimes, dinner. Dwight: ...the blood is gushing down, the blood is gushing down... You know, I really would have appreciated a heads-up that you were into dating mothers. I would have introduced you to mine. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [outside, on cell phone] How could you do this to me? He's my boss! How many times have I complained about him to you? No, I am not being dramatic, you are being crazy! Jim: [singsong voice] Who wants a hot chocolate? Pam: Thank you. Jim: [sighs] Oh, so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift, and I found a recording device in it. Yes. So, I think if I played it just right I can get Dwight to play out the plot of National Treasure. Pam: You need to be more upset about this. She's your mother too now. Your mother is sleeping with Michael Scott. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Andy, can I talk to you for a second? Andy: Sure thing, Tuna Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [holding up a sign that reads, "Dwight picked the wrong day to put a wooden mallard in my office"] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [in Jim's office] How may I be of service to you? Jim: I am gonna need your advice [starts playing loud opera music, everyone can hear it, Creed starts crying] I was thinking about getting this opera for Dwight's birthday, what do you think? Andy: [both look at Dwight, Jim waves] This aurea is a joke. Jim: Really? Andy: What are you thinking? Jim: I was gonna go with this one. Andy: [both look at Dwight who is standing right outside the office] Let me tell you something, if you respect him at all, you will get him something better. Dwight: [Andy gets up and leaves the office] The Nard Dog... what was that all about? Andy: I know, right? Dwight: What were you talking about in there? Andy: Trust me it would only make you mad. [opera continues, Dwight looks at Jim standing outside his office, waves, Jim waves back] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in the conference room leading a meeting] Due to a certain recent incident, corporate has asked all the branches to come up with ideas as to how we can better communicate with our communities. Andy: Is this because of the 60 Minutes segment about working conditions in our Peruvian paper mill? Michael: That was a hit job. If you read the Dunder Mifflin press release it clearly states that they had absolutely nothing to do with that particular cancer cluster. So if there is a lesson to be learned here and I'm not sure that there is, it is that in order to help our communities, we need to put other people's needs ahead of our own. Pam: Haha! Ha ha ha. Jim: And whoever comes up with the best idea gets a $50 gift certificate to the restaurant of his or her choice. [everyone claps and makes comments] Michael: Who wants to help the world one step at a time? [Dwight raises his hand] Alright, good. Dwight: Volunteerism is important. Every weekend I volunteer at the local animal shelter and they need a lot of help down there. Last Sunday I had to put down over 150 pets all by myself. Michael: Alright, that's... Meredith: Paint a mural of Chicano leaders. Michael: Alright... Pam: I have a way to make Scranton a better place, you could leave it. [laughter] Michael: Okay, I'm out of here, [pretends to leave] see you later guys... Various: Get out and stay out, bye... Michael: Ok, oh no here's an idea... conservation... Pam: I love it, conservation. Let's start by conserving our time and stop having these stupid meetings. [stands up and cheers] No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings! [Stanley cheers her on in the background] Michael: Anybody else? Who else has an idea? Angela: I have some ideas about conservation... Jim: Yes! Angela! Please... Michael: [Michael leaves to answer his phone] Can you hold down the fort? [on phone] Hey boo! Angela: Thank you. Sure well first of all I think that we could totally... Michael: [on phone] What's it... why are you crying? Jim: Yes! I think we should look into that. If you could just speak up louder... Kevin: [to Angela] Shhhh... Angela: Well, for our profit... Kevin: [to Angela] Shhh... Michael: [on phone] No, no, no, I'll talk to her. I will... No... nobody talks to my baby that way... uh ah... yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. Alright, by pickle. Kevin: Who's pickle? Michael: [hangs up phone and walks back into conference room] Pamela Morgan Beesly, you need to apologize to your mother right now. Angela: I'm sorry, I was told I had the floor. Jim: Yes. Oscar: Hold on, hold on, what's going on? Jim: Nothing... nothing at all... it's all good! Pam: I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes me an apology. Michael: For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover? Pam: Don't call my mother your lover. Kevin: Yes! That's what I'm talking about. Andy: That is not okay dude. Michael: Alright, in my defense... Phyllis: Disgusting... Creed: She's messed up man... Pam: Yes! Thank you, welcome to my personal hell! Oscar: You have no sense of boundaries Michael. Michael: Shut up Oscar. Hey, alright, you know what, clearly I'm outnumbered here, but can I just say one thing, please? What is so wrong about me? I'm caring, I'm generous, I'm sensual. Is it really so horrible that I could possibly go out and find happiness. Phyllis: Good luck Michael, I hope you find what you're looking for. Oscar: Maybe you're right, who are we to... Pam: Shut up Oscar. What is wrong with all of you, he is sleeping with my mother! Dwight: I don't think there's a whole lot of sleeping going on. Michael: Let's get back to the matter at hand. Pam: Whatever, you know, sleep with my mom, sleep with everybody's mom... Michael: No, no, no... no, no... Ryan: Whoa, that's my mother you're talking about... Michael: I don't like the tone here... this is a place of business, you are to listen to others, you are to give others respect, and you are to keep your personal issues out of it. Pam: Uhh, huh, ho... oooh my God, you are ridiculous! Michael: Do not talk to me that way! I am your boss and I may someday be your father, so get out. Pam: You are never going to be my father, you get out! Michael: I hope that you are willing to die in this office, because I am... Pam: Me too... [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey. [walks up to Oscar and hands him a report to sign] Oscar: Hey. Angela: [in a sing-songy voice] Pam, how's your day going? Oscar: Pam, just for the record, I think you're overreacting a little bit, your mom's old enough to make her own decisions. Pam: Oh, well, thanks Oscar. I was just wondering how would you feel if Michael was sleeping with your mom? Oscar: My mother's in a wheelchair. Pam: Well, he could still... I'm sorry about that... Oh could I just get you to sign this second page. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [Dwight listening in his ear piece] Ryan, I have to ask you a personal question. Do you think that I should get a Fedora? Ryan: Ahh, I don't think so, no... Kelly: Well, I think I'd look really hot in one. Where'd you get your fedora? Ryan: I'd rather not say. Kelly: I think I'm gonna get the same fedora as you. Erin: Hi Dwight! Dwight: [Dwight storms through the break room listening to Kelly and Ryan in his ear piece] Shh! Ryan: [Ryan and Kelly talking] ...it should go with the persona you already have. Kelly: Well, I think I have that persona. Dwight: Where did you get that mallard? Kelly: What the hell is a mallard? Dwight: That! Kelly: Oh, Professor Damien D. Duck, Jim gave him to me. Dwight: Okay, I gave that to him that as a gift, I'm taking that back. Kelly: If you take it back, I'll scream. Dwight: [sighs heavily] I'll give you five bucks for it. Ryan: Twenty. Dwight: Ten. Ryan: Deal. [pays Ryan and takes the mallard back] Kelly: [to Ryan] You're so cool. Ryan: This reminds me, you owe me three bucks for gas. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [walks into Toby's office] Hey Toby, could I talk to you for a minute? Toby: Yeah, sure, what's up? Michael: Um, I just wanted to apologize for taking that tone with you earlier that was... uncalled for, I'm sorry. Toby: Um, yeah, ah, ah, that means a lot. Thank you for saying it. Michael: Can I sit down for a second? Toby: Yeah, er... pull up a chair or sit on the shredder. Michael: This is gonna sound weird, but I think I may be the victim of a hostile work environment with this whole Pam situation. Toby: Ah, you should probably deal with that outside of the work place. Michael: She brought it into the work place so I feel like it has to be dealt with here. Toby: Ok, I mean, I could talk to her. Michael: Really? Would you do that? Toby: Yeah... that's why they pay me the big bucks. [both laugh] Michael: [hugs Toby, who smiles big] You're a good, good guy. Toby: I'm good... [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: You know, I always knew if Michael just took the time to get to know me, we'd become friends. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [walks up to Pam's desk with a binder] Hey Pam, could I talk to you for a sec? Pam: Sure, what's up? Toby: Well, I was hoping that maybe in light of everything that's happened today, it would be a good idea if today, you, me, and Michael could head into the conference room for some conflict resolution. Pam: [to Michael] What's the matter, you can't fight your own battles? Michael: No... that's... Toby: Maybe you could just take the rest of the day off... you know... Pam: [to Michael] Oh, would that make you feel better? Michael: I don't... um... I can't hear your conversation. Pam: You can tell Michael that I'm not leaving. Toby: [gets up and puts a hand on Michael's shoulder] Buddy, I think that... Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah-okay... you're a jackass. [to Pam] Hey, hey, you know what? You're just as stubborn as your mother, when you don't wanna do something you just don't do it. Stanley: Heh, heh, heh. Pam: Michael, you're just her rebound! Michael: You were right Jim, shoulda listened to you, should never have told her. Pam: [to Jim] What! You knew? Jim: Barely, I... I don't have all the facts. Frank and Bean... Michael: [Pam storms into break room] Okay, do you want me to stop seeing your mom? Is that how we're gonna get past this? Cause, I will. Pam: Mmmmm, yes! Michael: Well, that is not gonna happen! Pam: Then why'd you even offer!? Michael: Because I assumed that you want me to be happy because I want you to be happy. Pam: Michael, let me make this very easy for you, I could give a sh[beep] about your happiness! Stop dating my mother! Michael: You know what? I'm gonna start dating her even harder. Pam: What's that supposed to mean? Michael: You know what it means. Jim: [Pam storms out of the break room] Hey... Pam: Shut it! Jim: Yep... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I don't need to be friends with Pam. I have plenty of female friends. My mom, Pam's mom, my aunt... although she just blocked me on IM, what's her face from Quiznos, I see her four times a week. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [walks into his office and sees the mallard back on his desk] Dwight, you brought the mallard back. Dwight: Well, I had to, I mean... Kelly was not even... Jim: [speaking into the mallard and looking a Dwight] Hi buddy. Dwight: [walks into Jim's office and takes out ear piece] I'm sorry. Jim: A wooden duck? Dwight: Mallard. I put it in your office in order to surveil you. I was jealous that you got the promotion over me. Jim: Okay, just to be clear, you're terrible at this and you are not equipped for espionage... Dwight: Oh, I'm equipped... I can... Jim: Silence. Dwight: Don't tell Michael... Jim: I won't. But, you will wash and buff our car. Dwight: Punishment fits the crime, I accept. [shakes Jim's hand and leaves] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [leaving his office with his rum] Night everyone. Night Pam, thanks again for the rum. Erin: Night Michael. Michael: Night Erin. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [in the conference room] Hey Pam, can I see you for a second? So, Dwight heard you were having a really rough day. So he generously offered to wash our car. Pam: [looking out the window at Dwight washing the car] Awww, he did that for me? Jim: Yes, he did. You know what was nice, nights swimming in Bayou bay. Pam: Mmmm. Jim: [Michael is seen debating on whether to come back in to the office] Remember that older couple whose kids were also named Jim and Pam? Pam: Haha, yeah. Say more nice things. Jim: Well, we went on a Segway tour and we're awesome at it and Frank and Beans! Pam: Maybe I'm overreacting. Jim: Yeah... maybe. Pam: But I don't think I am. Jim: You're not, nope. Nope. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [Ryan is walking out of the office ahead of him] Oh... where'd you get that hat? Ryan: I'd rather not say. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [walks into Jims office, twists the top of the pen that he placed in Jim's pen holder which has a bug in it, pushes play] [Jim's voice] "We have our high quality 28 pound bond, our heavier 38 pound bond, or our..." [pauses recording] I've got eight hours of this. Of course I wanted Jim to find the mallard, make him feel safe. Did you really think I would put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I'm not insane. [starts the recording again] "...65 pound cover stock, which is the heaviest paper that will still feed smoothly through your desktop printer."
Plan: A: their honeymoon; Q: Where did Jim and Pam go when Michael revealed he was dating Helene? A: Michael; Q: Who reveals he is dating Helene? A: Pam's mother; Q: Who is Helene? A: Jim's office; Q: Where does Dwight try to bug? Summary: Jim and Pam return from their honeymoon and are shocked when Michael reveals he is dating Helene, Pam's mother. Pam is incensed and openly berates Michael. Dwight attempts to bug Jim's office in his plan to sabotage Jim.
Prologue: Lunch hour at Sunnydale High School. The camera pans at a very low angle along the sidewalk past the stairs at the front of the school. Seniors are coming and going. The camera comes to rest on two pairs of legs, one standing calmly, the other rocking back and forth, heel to toe. The camera pans up to Willow and Oz, waiting for Xander and Cordelia so they can go. Oz is characteristically calm, but Willow is swaying around, almost nervously. Willow: (smiling) I'm giddy. Oz: Oh, I like you giddy. Always have. Willow: It's the freedom! As Seniors, we can go off-campus now for lunch. It's no longer cutting. It's legal! Heck, it's expected! Wow, it's, uh, also a big step forward, a Senior moment, one that has to be savored. Oz looks back and sees Xander and Cordelia coming. Willow: You can't just rush into this, you know? Xander heads for Willow's side opposite Oz, and the two boys each grab an arm and start to pull her across the street. Willow: Ohh! She starts to resist, leaning backward with all of her weight. Willow: No, I can't! Oz and Xander just lift her by the arms and pull harder. Cordelia smiles at the spectacle. Xander: You can. Oz: See, you are. Willow: Oh, but, no! What if they changed the rule without telling? What if they're lying in wait to *arrest* me a-and, and throw me in detention and mar my unblemished record? They reach the other side of the street, and Oz and Xander steady her on the sidewalk. Xander: Breathe. Breathe. Willow takes a breath and lets it out, calming herself. Willow: Okay. Hmm... Oz takes Willow by the hand and Xander puts his arm around Cordelia. They begin walking into the small park in front of the school. Willow: (relaxed) This is good! This is... Hey, we're Seniors! (with an attitude) Hey, I'm walkin' here! (giggles) They see Buffy just inside the park. She has laid out a blanket in the shade of a palm tree by a bench, and is setting out serving plates of food and bottles of drinks. The group begins to walk toward her. Xander: Ahh. Buffy and food. Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too couple-y around Buffy. Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog? Xander: (admiringly) Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what? They come up behind the tree just out of Buffy's view. Oz: All right, prepare to uncouple... They take a few more steps. Oz: Uncouple. They let go of each other as they come around the tree. Willow crosses in front of Xander so Buffy sees girls on the right, boys on the left. Xander: Buffy, banned from campus, but not from our hearts, how are you and what's for lunch? Oz climbs onto the bench and sits on the backrest. The others kneel on the blanket. Buffy: Oh, I just threw a few things together. Cordelia: (impressed with Buffy's offerings) When did you become Martha Stewart? Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto. (hands out drink bottles) Xander: I don't believe she slays, either. Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to. Buffy: (opens her bottle) Second of all, way too much free time on my hands since I got kicked out of school. (takes a drink) Willow: Oh, I know they'll let you back in. (takes a drink) Xander: Don't you and your mom have a meeting with Principal Snyder? Buffy: We're seeing Snyde-Man tomorrow. Willow: (notices a boy) Ooo, Scott Hope at eleven o'clock. (Buffy looks) (to Buffy) He likes you. He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. But I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. Buffy snaps her head around at Willow and gives her a shocked look. Willow: (realizes her slip-up) Oh! I didn't mean the *bad* thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you... (glares at Oz) You're supposed to stop me when I do that. Oz: (smiles and shakes his head) I like when you do that. Scott has finished talking with his friends and comes toward them. Buffy watches him approach. As he passes he looks over at Buffy. Scott: (smiles) Hi, Buffy. Buffy: (smiles back) Hi. Scott just continues on his way. Willow breaks out into a huge smile. Willow: I think that went very well. Don't you think that went very well? Cordelia: He didn't try to slit our throats or anything. (nods) That's progress. Willow: Hey, did you do that little half-smile thing? Buffy: (sighs) Look, I'm not trying to snare Scott Hope. I just want to get my life back, you know, do normal stuff. Willow: Like date? Buffy: Well... Xander: Oh, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut. (chuckles) Buffy punches him on the arm, and none too lightly. Xander: (smiles and chuckles) Ow. (winces and holds his arm) Buffy: All right, yes, date and shop and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff! Cut to Happy Burger that night. The camera pans down from a shot of the building, past the restaurant's mascot, a fat boy eating a burger, and stops on the building again. A black stretch-limousine pulls into the parking lot and heads toward the drive-through lane. Cut to the back of the building. The car pulls up and stops at another fat boy fitted with a speaker and mic. The window of the limo lowers. Voice: Welcome to Happy Burger. May I take your order, please? Trick: Diet soda. Medium. Voice: That'll be eighty-nine cents at the window, sir. Trick raises the window, and the car pulls forward. Cut inside the car. Trick: Sunnydale. (looks at the man next to him) Town's got quaint. And the people? (smiles) He called me 'sir'. Don't you just miss that? I mean, admittedly, it's not a haven for the brothers, you know, strictly the Caucasian Persuasion here in the Dale. But, you know, you just gotta stand up and salute their death rate. I ran a statistical analysis, (smiles) and hello darkness. It makes... D.C. look... like Mayberry, and ain't nobody saying boo about it. We could fit right in here. Have us some fun. The shot cuts to the other man, hidden in shadow. Kakistos: (growls) We're here for one thing. He pulls his cloven hand from Trick's knee. Trick looks at it, disgusted. Trick: Kill the Slayer, yeah. Still, big picture... He lowers the window again, and looks out. Cut outside. He hands the boy at the window a dollar. The boy hands him back the soda, a straw and his change. Boy: (smiles) Have a nice night, sir. Trick: (smiles) Right back at ya. (sits back) Cut inside the limo. Kakistos: The Slayer. I'm going to rip her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart and suck the marrow from her bones. Trick considers that for a moment, smacking his lips. Trick: Now I'm hungry. Cut outside. Trick lunges out of the window, vamped out. The boy is shocked, and tries to move away, but Trick already has him by the shirt. The boy screams as Trick pulls him out of the building and part way into the limousine. The car takes off with the boy's legs kicking outside the window. The limo screeches through the parking lot and into the street. The camera stops on the Happy Burger mascot, its mouth wide open to take another bite from the burger that it's holding. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. "The Background" by Third Eye Blind begins to play as the camera approaches the door. Cut inside. The camera pans past several couples dancing slowly to the music. It comes to rest on Buffy and Angel. They hold each other close and look deeply into each other's eyes as they slowly dance. Lyrics: Everything is quiet Buffy: I miss you. At a nearby table Oz, Willow, Cordelia and Xander watch them dance. Their faces are devoid of any expression. Lyrics: Since you're not around Buffy moves her left hand with her Claddagh ring down Angel's arm to take his hand. Lyrics: And I live in the numbness now The ring is loose on her finger, and before she can clasp his hand it falls off and clinks on the floor. Lyrics: In the background Angel and Buffy both look down at the ring. Lyrics: I do the things we did before Angel reaches down to pick up the ring. The music fades out. Lyrics: I walk Haight Street to the store Angel stands back up holding the ring. He gives Buffy a wounded look. She looks at the ring, frightened. Suddenly she flashes back to the mansion and sees herself thrusting the sword through Angel, and his surprised and pained face as the vortex closes and he disappears into Acathla's mouth with it. Her flashback is over, and the camera is on the gang at the table again, still watching, still expressionless. Cut to Angel and Buffy on the dance floor. Buffy: I had to. Angel's breath is shaky. He looks down at the ring in his fingers. He clenches it in his fist. Blood begins to ooze from between his fingers and drip to the floor. He looks intensely at Buffy. Angel: I loved you. Buffy watches aghast as the blood continues to drip. Then a bloodstain appears on his shirt at mid-chest. It grows quickly and begins to soak the front of his shirt. Buffy draws a frightened, worried breath and reaches out to his wound. Buffy: Oh, God! Angel... Angel: (yells) GO TO HELL! He stares at her with intense anger in his eyes. Buffy looks up from his chest wound to his face. It has turned green, and one side is rotting. Angel smiles and laughs smugly as he looks back at her. Angel: I did. Cut to Buffy's room. She wakes from her dream with a start and jerks her head from the pillow. Realizing it was only a dream, she puts her hand to her head and pulls it back through her hair. She sits up in bed and looks over at her nightstand. She reaches over, pulls open the drawer and lifts out a chain on which she has placed her Claddagh ring. She sits up straight in her bed and looks closely at the ring again: two hands for friendship, a crown for loyalty and a heart for love. Her mother knocks on her door and pokes her head in. Joyce: Morning, Sunshine! (smiles) Ready to face the beast? Cut to Snyder's office. He sits behind his desk, calmly giving it to them straight. Snyder: Here are the terms of your re-entry, Missy. Take 'em or leave 'em. Buffy takes a letter opener from his desk and begins to play with it. Snyder: One: that you pass a makeup test of every class you skipped out on last year. Buffy looks around absentmindedly and taps the letter opener on her hand. Snyder: Two: that you provide, in writing, one *glowing* letter of recommendation from any member of our faculty who is not an English librarian. Buffy's tapping is beginning to annoy him. Snyder: Three: that you complete an interview (stands up) with our school psychologist (walks around his desk toward Buffy) who must conclude that your violent tendencies... He pauses for a moment, then snatches the letter opener from Buffy's hand. Snyder: ...are under control. Joyce: I'm not sure I like your attitude, Mr. Snyder. I spoke with the school board, and according to them... Snyder: (walks back around his desk) I'm required to educate every juvenile who is not in jail where she belongs. He stops and looks out the window with his back to them. Snyder: Welcome back. Joyce and Buffy give each other a smile. Buffy stands up. Buffy: So let me get this straight. I'm really back in school because the school board *overruled* you. (Snyder faces her) Wow. That's like having your whole ability to do this job called into question, when you think about it. Joyce: (gets up also) I think what my daughter's trying to say is... (sing-song) Nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah. She gives Snyder a defiant look, and the two women turn and walk out of the office, proud of themselves. Snyder just blankly watches them go. The intercom on his desk buzzes. Secretary: It's the Mayor on line one. Snyder's eyes quickly widen with worry. Cut to the library. Willow and Buffy walk in. The place seems to be empty of people. Willow: It's so great that you're a schoolgirl again. Buffy: Giles say what he wanted? Do you think he's mad? They stop at the counter. There are bowls and jars of various dried herbs arrayed on it. Willow: No, I don't think so. I think he just needed to see you. (glances around) (smiling) Have you ever noticed, though, when he *is* mad, but he's too English to say anything, he makes that weird cluck- cluck sound with his tongue? Giles suddenly rises up from behind the counter and looks at the things he's laid out on the counter. Buffy: Hi, Giles! (raises her eyebrows at Willow and smiles) Willow: (turns to face him, looking worried) Oh, hi! Been there long? Giles: (preoccupied) Buffy, good timing. (looks around behind the counter) I could use your help. I trust you remember the demon Acathla? Buffy: Giles, contain yourself. Yes, I'm back in school, but you know how it embarrasses me when you gush so. (Giles looks up from his searching) Let's just skip all that and get straight to work. Giles: (slowly straightens up) Oh, ahhhh... Well, I, um... Well-w... O- o-of course, it's wonderful to have you back, i-i-it goes without saying. (Buffy raises her eyebrows at him and smiles) But... (notices Buffy's look) You enjoy making me say it, don't you? He sets his glasses on his nose and continues looking around. Buffy plays with a bowl on the counter. Buffy: Okay, Acathla, huh? What are you doing, making him some demon pizza? She picks up a bundle of sage, sniffs it and frowns. She holds it over for Willow to sniff, who smiles. Giles: We need to make sure that he remains dormant and that the dimensional vortex is sealed tight. So I'm working on a binding spell. Willow: (perks up) Oh, a spell? Can I help? Giles: Possibly, with the research. It's very sensitive and... Willow: (sounding hurt) Oh! Who's more sensitive than me? Giles: ...and difficult spell. (Willow frowns) It involves creating a- a-a protective circle around... Well, I don't want to bore you with the details, but, uh, well, there's a litany th-that one has to recite in Aramaic, and it's very specific. So I need to get a few details about your experience of defeating Acathla and Angel. He starts ingredient hunting again. Buffy: (considers for a moment) Fire away. Giles: I've put the time at about, um, (checks his notes) 6:17, around, about half an hour after Xander rescued me. (comes back to the counter) Buffy: Less. More like ten minutes. Giles: Oh, was the vortex already open? Buffy: Barely. Giles: I see. And Angel? Buffy: A big fight, Angel got the pointy end of the sword, Acathla sucked him into Hell instead of the world. That's about the it. Giles: (writes a few notes) Yes, well, that, um... should be very helpful. Buffy: (checks her watch) Oh, no, I have to go take an English makeup exam. (gets her pile of books from the counter) They give you credit just for speaking it, right? She just gets looks from Giles and Willow. Buffy: (whines) Oh... She heads out the door to go take her exam. Willow picks up the bundle of sage and sniffs it some more. Willow: Mm, sage. I love that smell. (reaches into a jar) And marnox root. You know, a smidge of this mixed with a virgin's saliva... (gets a look from Giles) Does something I know nothing about. Giles: These forces are not something that one plays around with, Willow. What have you been conjuring? Willow: Nothing... much. Well, you know, I tried this spell to cure Angel, and I guess that was a bust. But since then, you know, small stuff: floating feather, fire out of ice, which next time I won't do on the bedspread. (Giles looks down) Are you mad at me? Giles: (looks up) No, of course not, no. If I were, I would be making a strange clucking sound with my tongue. Willow is embarrassed and smiles cutely up at him. Cut to the Bronze. The band tonight is Darling Violetta, playing "Cure". The camera pans into the dance area and pauses on the band for a moment. Most couples are dancing normally, but there's one couple that is a bit more energetic about it. Lyrics: I've given you every part of me / Tried everything I could to make you see Another couple leaves the dance floor, and the camera follows them until they pass by an alcove furnished like a turn-of-the-century parlor, with a love seat, a couple of armchairs, tables and a lamp with a pink shade. A couple is sitting on the loveseat having some romantic smoochies. Lyrics: But you don't love yourself Buffy walks into view from behind carrying drinks and heads for them. Cut to the couple on the loveseat. It's Willow and Oz. Buffy crosses in front of the camera and sits in an adjacent chair. Buffy: Don't let me interrupt. Willow and Oz look up from their kissing. Willow sits up. Buffy smiles and hands Oz one of the drinks. Oz: Thanks. Lyrics: You can't love me or anyone else Willow notices Buffy's cheery mood and smiles as Oz accepts another drink from her and passes one to Willow. Willow: Are you... (to Oz) Is she all glowy? Buffy rolls her eyes up to the right and gives them an innocent look. Oz: Yeah, I suspect happiness. Buffy: (smiles) I passed my English makeup exam, hangin' with my friends. Hello, my life, how I've missed you. Lyrics: You said I was the best thing in your life Scott approaches them. Willow: Hi, Scott. What are you doing here? Scott: (gives her a smile) You told me if I came after 8:00, I could run into Buffy. Lyrics: Is that why you run, why you hide? Buffy shoots Willow a look. Willow is embarrassed and hides behind her drink, taking a big gulp. Scott: (to Buffy, smiling) Uh, I'm sorry. I'm a bad liar. It's not good for the soul. (gestures at his face) O-o-or the skin, actually. It makes me blotch. Lyrics: You will never be the cure Buffy: Hi, Scott. (smiles) Scott: Hi. Things are a bit awkward now, and Scott looks around for something to comment on. Lyrics: And you will never change Scott: Don't you love this song? Buffy: Uh, yeah! Actually, I do. Lyrics: You will never be the cure Scott: Well, would you like to... (indicates the dance floor) Buffy: Dance? Um... Willow smiles at her encouragingly. Lyrics: And you will never change Buffy: I don't know. (Willow frowns) I'm bad with... Well... Lyrics: You will never be the cure Buffy: (fidgets) Thank you for asking, it's just that there... Scott: Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna go stand by the dance floor. If you change your mind, you can mosey on over, and then if not, then you don't mosey. No harm, no foul, right? Buffy: (halfheartedly) Right. Lyrics: I've given you every part of me Scott walks off to find a place to wait. Buffy rolls her eyes and flops her head back, mentally kicking herself for the way she handled that. Willow: (very disappointed) Come on, Buffy. I mean, the guy is charm, a-and normal, which is what you wanted to get back to. Lyrics: Tried everything I could to make you see Oz: Plus bonus points for use of the word 'mosey'. Buffy: I just don't think I'm ready. Willow: What's stopping you? Lyrics: But you don't love yourself Cordelia and Xander walk up. Cordelia: Check out Slut-O-Rama and her Disco Dave. She points and looks onto the dance floor as she and Xander sit on a low table against a wall. The camera cuts to the energetically dancing couple. Although the girl's style is more contemporary, the guy is dancing way too fast for the music, with an unmistakable 70's disco influence. Cordelia: What was the last thing that guy danced to, K.C. and the Sunshine Band? Willow and Oz both cock their heads to look at them. Lyrics: You can't love me or anyone else The couple continues to dance, getting close and touching each other at one point, then separating again. Lyrics: You said I was the best thing in your life Buffy begins to really wonder about them. The couple gets close again, and the girl extends her arm, pointing at the door. The guy takes the hint, and leads her out with his arm around her. Buffy watches them go, suspicious of his intentions. She sees him say bye to his buddy and head for the door. Buffy: I don't think that guy thrives on sunshine. She quickly puts down her drink and starts out after them. As she crosses the room behind the dance floor, Scott sees her coming and steps over to intercept her. Scott: Hi. Buffy: (stops short, startled) Hi. Oh, (frowns) no, I... (points at the door) I-I have to... Scott: (gets it) Oh. Uh, uh, sorry, my bad. Buffy: (apologetic) No. I-it's mine. Really, it's mine, but I... (glances back at the others) I-I-I have to go. (hurries out) Scott is very confused, and just watches her leave. Cut outside. Buffy strides out and looks around. Xander comes out right behind her followed closely by the others. Buffy: Where'd she go? She takes a few steps down the alley to the left to check things out. The others looks around also. Cordelia: I bet it's nothing. They're probably just making out. Buffy comes back. They hear a girl call out in a complaining tone. Girl: Hey! They also hear a loud noise, as though something was just broken. Xander pulls a stake out of his jacket. Buffy takes it from him and heads in the direction of the noise. Willow: That's not what making out sounds like, unless I'm doing it wrong. They all follow Buffy. Cut to the couple from the dance floor. The boy has the girl up against a section of temporary chain link fencing that's leaning against the building. Boy: Stop struggling. This won't hurt. The boy vamps out and moves in to bite the girl. She grabs him by the neck, pushes him away a bit and elbow jabs him in the face. He staggers back and regains his balance as she jumps onto a crate. She does a jumping roundhouse kick to his face, knocking him to the pavement. Buffy arrives. The girl notices her and approaches, smiling. Girl: It's okay, I got it. You're, uh, Buffy, right? Buffy is taken aback. Just as she's about to answer, the vampire comes up behind the girl and grabs her by the shoulders. She snaps her head back to head butt him in the face and grabs onto his arm. Faith: I'm Faith. She twists the vampire around and shoves him into the section of chain link fence. Oz: (to Willow) I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a new Slayer in town. Faith knees him in the gut from behind. The vamp whirls around and tries to backhand punch her, but she easily ducks it. She punches him in the gut and then again in the face. Everyone just watches her fight. Xander follows her moves with jerks of his head. She does a high side kick to the vampire's jaw, grabs onto his shirt and neck and throws him to the ground. The vamp does a no-hand front roll to control his fall while Faith reaches over to Buffy for the stake and jerks it from her hand. Faith: Can I borrow that? The vampire uses the momentum of his roll to get back to his feet and runs at Faith, throwing a punch as he comes. She ducks it, hooks her hand on his shoulder, turns him around and pushes him back into the fence. She raises the stake and jams it cleanly into his chest and jerks it back out. The vampire instantly crumbles into ashes. Buffy stares in confused amazement. Faith faces her and hands her back the stake. Faith: Thanks, B. Couldn't have done it without you. She just continues walking past them all. Buffy turns to stare after her, unsure how to react. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. The camera follows a waitress holding a tray of six muffins past the pastry counter and into an alcove where Faith has joined the gang and is relating one of her stories to them. Faith: The whole summer it was, like, the worst heat wave. So it's about a hundred and eighteen degrees and I'm sleeping without a stitch on. The waitress sets the tray on a table and leaves. Faith: And all of a sudden, I hear this screaming from outside. So I go tearing out, stark nude, (Xander looks down at her body, licking his lips) and this church bus has broke down, and there's these three vamps feasting (Buffy listens calmly) on half the Baptists in South Boston. (Willow listens intently) So I waste the vamps, and the preacher comes up, and he's hugging me like there's no tomorrow, when all of a sudden, the cops pull up and they arrested us both. She reaches for a muffin. Xander stares blankly ahead of himself, trying to picture the scene. Xander: Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas. Cordelia, sitting next to him with her arms and legs crossed, turns her head to him and gives him a look. Faith tears into the muffin. Faith: God, I could eat a horse. Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you hungry and horny? (gobbles a piece) The others all turn their heads to look at Buffy. She stares back wide- eyed and suddenly uncomfortable. Buffy: Well... Sometimes I-I crave a nonfat yogurt afterwards. A look of sudden revelation washes across Cordelia's face, and she smiles. Cordelia: I get it. Faith gives her a confused look. Cordelia: Not the horny thing. Yuck! But the two Slayer thing. There was one, and then Buffy died for, like, two minutes, so then Kendra was called, and then when she died, Faith was called. Faith gives her a nod. Willow: But why were you called here? Faith: Well, I wasn't. My Watcher went off to some retreat thing in England, and so I skipped out. I figured this was my chance to meet the infamous Buff and compare notes. (Buffy gives her a little smile) So, B, did you really use a rocket launcher one time? Buffy: Uh, yeah, (leans forward) actually, it's a funny story. There was... Xander: (interrupts) So what was the, uh, story about that alligator? You, uh, said something... before. Faith: (with lots of gesturing) Oh, there's this Big Daddy Vampire out of Missouri who used to keep them as pets. So he's got me rasslin' one of 'em, okay? The thing must have been twelve feet (3.7 m) long and I'm... Xander: (interrupts) So was this, um, ahem, also naked? Faith: (teases) Well, the alligator was. (laughs) Xander smiles at her and laughs also. Cordelia: Xander? (glares when he looks) Find a new theme. Faith: (shakes her head) I tell ya, I never had more trouble than that damn vamp. (to Buffy) So what about you? What was your toughest kill? Buffy lowers her eyes and has another flashback to stabbing Angel in the chest with the sword, and his look of surprise and pain. She comes back and shakes herself out of her reverie. Buffy: Um, well, you know, (smiles weakly) they're all difficult, I guess. Faith waits for a story and takes a drink. Buffy: Uh... (remembers) Oh! Oh, do you guys remember the Three? They all look back inquisitively. Buffy: That's right, you never met the Three. Well, there was three... Oz: (interrupts) Something occurring. Uh, now, you both kill vamps, and who could blame you, but, I'm, I'm wondering about your position on werewolves. Willow: (put her hand on his shoulder) Oz is a werewolf. Buffy: It's a long story. (grins) Oz: (shrugs) I got bit. Buffy: Apparently not that long. Faith: (considers briefly) Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me or humpin' my leg, we're five-by-five, you know? Oz: Fair enough. Faith: The vamps, though, they better get their asses to DEFCON ONE, (points to Buffy) 'cause you and I are gonna have fun, you know, Watcherless and fancy-free. (smiles) Buffy: Watcherless? Faith: (looks around at everyone) Didn't yours go to England, too? Cut to the library. Giles stands at the end of the table with his hands in his pockets, reminiscing about the gatherings. Giles: There's a Watchers' retreat every year in the Cotswolds. (walks to the other end of the table) It's a lovely spot. It's very s-serene. (everyone listens) There's horse riding and hiking and punting (smiles) and lectures and discussions. It-i-it's... it's a great honor to be invited. (a tad bitter) Or so I'm told. Faith: Oh, it's boring. Way too stuffy for a guy like you. Buffy: Um, maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is *Giles*. Willow smirks. Faith: I see him. If I'd've known they came *that* young and cute, I would've requested a transfer. Giles takes off his glasses. Buffy: (grossed out) Raise your hand if 'ew'. (raises her hand) Xander raises his, but hides it by scratching his cheek. Giles: (chuckles) Well, um, uh, leaving aside for a moment my, uh, youth and beauty, (goes to the copier) I'd-I'd say it was, um, (grabs the newspaper) fortuitous that Faith arrived when she did. (comes back with it) Willow: (shoots up her finger) (loudly) Aha! They all look at her. Willow: Sorry. I just meant... (shoots up her finger again) (loudly) aha! There's big evil brewin'. You'll never be bored here, Faith. (Faith grins at her) 'Cause this is Sunnydale, home of the big brewin' evil. Giles: Yes, well, I don't know how big an evil it is, but, uh, two people have disappeared from the Sunset Ridge District. He hands Buffy the newspaper. She and Faith quickly scan the article. Buffy: Well, I'm good for patrolling. Late-ish, though. I promised Mom I'd be home for dinner. She hands Xander the paper. Willow nods toward Faith while looking at Buffy with big eyes. Buffy turns her eyes to Faith, and gets the hint. Buffy: Um, to which you're also invited, of course, dinner with us. Faith: Dyin' to meet the fam. I'm in. Buffy: Great! Great, then we can patrol, (less than thrilled) also together. Willow: Hey, don't you have that health science makeup? Buffy: Oh, yeah. Actually, I could use a little coaching. Willow hops off of the table, smiling. Xander grabs his things behind him. Willow: (to Faith) You know, you can hang out with us while she's testing. You wanna? Buffy mumbles to herself, realizing she's just become invisible to them. Xander: Say yes and, uh, bring your stories. (smiles as he walks out past Faith) Buffy: (goes to the table) You guys go. It's fine. Fine! I'll just... (sits) sit. Faith: (to Buffy) Okay. Hey, later. (to Giles) *We* will talk weapons. She follows Xander and Willow out of the library. Giles watches her go. Giles: (points) This, um, this new girl seems to (sits on the table) have a lot of zest. (smiles) Buffy glares up at him. He quickly changes the subject. Giles: I-I-I've been having a little problem with the, uh, binding spell for Acathla. I-I-I'm lacking the, the requisite details to perform it correctly. Now, physical location. Acathla was facing south? Buffy: Mm-hm. (points to three positions on the table) Acathla, Angel, me. (makes a jabbing gesture through the three positions) Sword. (looks up at him) Giles: Now, see, that's what I thought, but I... Buffy: (interrupts and stands up) Giles, look, I've got makeup tests to pass, (pulls on her backpack) missing people in Sunset Ridge, and a zesty new Slayer to feed. (grabs her books) Next time I kill Angel, I'll video it. She walks out of the library to go take her test. Giles seems confused. Cut to the hall. Willow, Faith and Xander come in through the door at the end of the hall. They are giving Faith the tour. Willow: And over here, we have the cafeteria, (points at the door) where we were mauled by snakes. Xander: (points down) And this is the spot where Angel tried to kill Willow. Willow: Oh, (points, smiling) and over there in the lounge is where Spike and his gang nearly massacred us all on Parent-Teacher night. Faith is finding it all pretty incredible, and smiles. They reach the stairs, and Willow points up to the landing. Willow: Oh, a-and up those stairs, I was sucked into a muddy grave. They stop walking. Xander: And they say young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but, um, I've learned to be afraid. (smiles) Willow nods in agreement. Faith: (grins and laughs) You guys are a hoot and a half. If I'd had friends like you in high school, I... probably still would've dropped out. But I might've been sad about it, you know? Willow and Xander give her understanding nods and exchange a smile. Faith: (crosses her arms) Hey, so what's up with B? I mean, she seems wound kinda tight. Needs to find the fun a little? Like you two. Willow: Well, um, she... Faith: (spies the drinking fountain and points) Oh. Water. Willow and Xander turn to watch her go to the fountain. Cordelia approaches behind them. Xander: Oh, and then the alligator story! (to Willow) She's got something, doesn't she? Cordelia: What is it with you and Slayers? (Xander jerks around to face her) Maybe I should dress up as one and put a stake to your throat. Xander: Please, God, don't let that be sarcasm. (takes her arm and smiles) The camera moves over to Faith finishing her drink. Scott comes out of the cafeteria and almost bumps into her. She jumps back. Scott: Oh. Excuse me. Faith: Sorry. (looks at him curiously) I know you from somewhere. Scott: (recognizes her also) The Bronze. You're friends with Buffy, right? Faith: Yeah. I'm Faith. (holds out her hand) Scott: (accepts it) I'm Scott. Nice to meet you. Faith: Nice to meet you! They let go of their handshake. Buffy comes hopping down the stairs and joins Xander, Cordelia and Willow. Buffy: Well, I'm two for two with makeup tests. Proud, yes, but also humble in this time of... (notices them all staring) We're looking at what? She looks also and sees Scott talking and laughing with Faith. Cordelia: Does anyone believe that is her actual hair color? She rolls her eyes in disbelief and walks away. Willow: I haven't seen him laugh like that. Hey, maybe Faith and Scott could hit it off. (Buffy looks at her) I mean, if you're done with him. (realizes she's doing it again) Not that you used him. She furrows her brow, sighs and shuts up while she still can. Buffy looks back at the two of them talking. Buffy: Well, I... hadn't definitely one hundred percent said no for all time. It's just, you know... You don't enter into these things lightly, you know. There's, there's repercussions to consider and... She sees Willow and Xander exchange a look. Buffy: Why am I seeing a look? Willow: (looks at her) You really *do* need to find the fun, B. Buffy looks at Willow in surprise. Willow: Uffy. Buffy sighs and decides to head over to Faith and Scott. Buffy: (smiles) Hey! Scott: Hey, Buffy! Uh, Faith has been telling me tall tales. Buffy: (smiles big) She's funny. (takes her arm) And she's leaving. We have to go. Scott: (disappointed) Oh... Faith: Bye. Buffy pulls her away and down the hall. Faith: (gestures back) He's a cutie. Is he seeing anybody? Buffy just ignores her and continues down the hall. Cut to a warehouse where Kakistos and Trick are holed up. The lights are low and candles are burning everywhere. Trick is typing away on his palm-top computer. Kakistos: Mr. Trick, talk to me. Trick: (looks up) Check this out. (walks over) This town, this very street, wired for fiber optics. (grins widely) See, we jack in a T-3, um, twenty-five hundred megs per, we have the whole *world* at our fingertips. Kakistos looks up at him, not really understanding. Trick: What I'm saying is, (grins) we stay local--where the humans are jumpin' and the cotton is high--but we live global. I mean, you know, you get the hankering for the blood of a fifteen-year-old Filipina, and I'm on the 'Net and she's here the next day, express air. (smiles widely) Kakistos: (losing his patience) I want the blood of the Slayer. Trick can't believe Kakistos' shortsightedness, and looks aside for a moment. Trick: On that note, there's good news and bad. Rumor has it that this town already has a Slayer, which makes two. (shakes his head) I'm not real sure how that happened. Kakistos: (jumps up from his chair, shouting) I don't care if there're a *hundred* Slayers! I'll kill them all! (indicates his scarred, blinded eye) She's going to pay for what she did to me. Trick: (nods) Yeah, she is. (there's a knocking at the door) I'm running a computer check on every hotel, rooming house and youth hostel in town. (goes to get a welder's glove) Meanwhile, as soon as the sun goes down, (pulls on the glove) we're out in force. (heads for the door) Food's here, boys. He opens the door, hiding behind it from the bright daylight outside. The Pizza Man looks in. Pizza Man: You guys order a piz... Trick lunges out with his gloved arm, grabs him by the shirt and yanks him in. The pizza falls to the floor along with the delivery man as Trick slams the door shut again. He roars and bends down for lunch. Cut to the Summers house. Joyce is serving dinner to Faith. Joyce: So you're a Slayer, too. Isn't that interesting! (smiles) Do you like it? (sets down the bowl) Faith: God, I love it! Buffy: (wants the bowl) Uh, Mom? Joyce: (waves her off) Uh, just a second, honey. (scoops broccoli onto Faith's plate) You know, Buffy never talks that way. Why do you love it? Buffy gives up and grabs a pair of tongs to take some fries for herself. Faith: Well, when I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes away and I only know one thing: that I'm gonna win and they're gonna lose. I like that feelin'. (digs into her food) Joyce smiles at that and takes her seat. Buffy: Well, sure. Beats that dead feeling you get when they win and you lose. Faith: I don't let that kind of negative thinking in. Joyce: (points at Faith) Right. (shakes her finger) Right. That could get you hurt. Buffy can be awfully negative sometimes. (to Buffy) See, honey, you gotta fight that. (smiles) Buffy: (smiles back weakly) I'm working on it. (keeps taking fries) Joyce: (notices Faith's empty glass) Oh, Faith, can I get you another soft drink? Faith: (hands over the glass) Oh, you bet. Joyce: Right. (goes into the kitchen) Faith: She's really cool, huh? Buffy: Best mom ever. (looks back into the kitchen) Excuse me. She gets up and goes. Faith grabs a bottle of hot sauce, gives it a sniff and grimaces. Cut to the kitchen. Joyce gets out a bottle of cola, brings it to the island and opens it. Joyce: I like this girl, Buffy. (pours the soda) Buffy: She's very personable. (sits on a stool) She gets along with my friends, my Watcher, my mom. (leans back and looks into the dining room) Look, now she's getting along with my fries. (leans forward) Joyce: (closes the soda bottle) Now, Buffy... Buffy: Plus, at school today, she was making eyes at my not-boyfriend. This is creepy. Joyce: (crosses her arms) Does anybody else think Faith is creepy? Buffy: (pouts) No, but I'm the one getting single-white-femaled here. Joyce: (nods) It's probably good you were an only child. Buffy: Mom, I'm just getting my life back. I'm not looking to go halfsies on it. Joyce: Well, there are some things I'd be happy to see you share. Like the slaying. I mean, two of you fighting is safer than one, right? Buffy: I guess. Joyce: Unless, I mean, you heard her. She *loves* the slaying. (leans over the island) Couldn't she take over for you? Buffy: Mom, no one can take over for me. Joyce: But you're going to college next year. I think it would be... Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new Slayer is when the old Slayer dies. This quickly registers in Joyce's mind, and she straightens back up. Buffy realizes she's just said way too much. Joyce: Then that means you... (upset) When did you die? You never told me you died! Buffy: No, i-it was just for a few minutes. Joyce: (starts to pace nervously) Oh, I hate this. I hate your life. Buffy: Mom, I... Joyce: (faces her daughter) Look, I-I know you didn't choose this, I know it chose you. (takes a breath) I have tried to march in the 'Slayer Pride' parade, but... (suddenly very solemn) I don't want you to die. Buffy lowers her eyes, shakes her head and gives her mother a warm hug. Joyce: Oh... Buffy: I'm not gonna die. I know how to do my job. (releases the hug) Besides, like you said, I've got help now. She looks into the living room to see Faith picking at everything in sight and stuffing it into her mouth. Buffy: (raises her eyebrows) I've got all the help I can stand. Cut to an alley at night. There is construction equipment lying around. Buffy and Faith come strolling along, looking around for any vampires. Faith: Didn't we, um, do this street already? Buffy: Funny thing about vamps. They'll hit a street even *after* you've been there. It's like they have no manners. Faith: (shrugs) Mm. You've been doing this the longest. Buffy: I have. Faith: Yeah. Maybe a little *too* long. Buffy: (looks at Faith) Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean? Faith: Nothing. Buffy: You got a problem? Faith: (spreads her arms) I'm five-by-five, B, living entirely large, actually wondering about (points at her) *your* problem. Buffy: Well, I may not sleep in the nude and rassle alligators... Faith: Maybe it's time you started, 'cause obviously *something* in your bottle needs uncorking. What is it, (gestures wildly) the, the Angel thing? (keeps looking around) Buffy: (stops in her tracks) What do you know about Angel? Faith: (faces her, copping an attitude) Just what your friends tell me: big love, big loss. You oughta deal and move on, but you're not. Buffy: (steps closer) I got an idea: how about from now on, we don't hear from you on Angel or anything else in my life. Which, by the way, is *my* life. Faith: What are you getting so strung out for, B? Buffy: Why are your lips still moving, F? Faith: Did I just hear a threat? Buffy: Would you like to? Faith: Wow. Think you can take me? Buffy: Yeah. (looks over Faith's shoulder) I just hope they can't. She shoves Faith aside as a vampire attacks, making her fall to the ground. Buffy punches the vamp in the gut, and he goes flying onto his back. A second one comes in and takes a swing at Buffy, but she ducks him. She middle blocks his wide punch and low blocks his next punch. She then punches him in the face and the gut. She takes his head in both hands and twists. His body follows the motion, and he log rolls down to the ground. Faith gets back up and grabs a nearby trashcan. A third vampire runs in and punches Buffy in the face. He goes around behind her and trips her with his outstretched leg, making her fall to the ground. Behind him Faith crams the trashcan down over his head, blinding him. She takes hold of the can and pushes him into a sheet of drywall. The board breaks and falls on top of him as he falls over. One of the others dives for Buffy, but she rolls out of the way and onto her feet. Immediately she crouches down and stakes him in the chest. He bursts into ashes. The other one grabs her from behind and pulls her away. Faith's opponent is back up, and she spins around once and does a side kick, getting him in the stomach. The kick forces him back, and he knocks his head hard into a low pipe behind him. Buffy's attacker throws her onto a stack of plywood. She hits the wall behind it, but quickly gets to her feet. The vampire jumps onto the stack just in time to be side kicked in the stomach. He flies back and lands on a dumpster hard on his back, rolls off and falls to the ground. Faith's assailant punches her in the face, but she isn't fazed in the least. She blocks two punches with her forearms and then backhand punches him in the face. Faith: My dead mother hits harder than that! She grabs him by the sweater and throws him onto a couple of sheets of drywall laid across two sawhorses. They break instantly under his weight. She runs up to him, grabs his sweater and punches him in the face. Buffy flips her opponent in an awkward open front layout, and he lands hard on a large duct pipe, which crushes under him. She looks over at Faith, who is whaling away on her vampire with continuous punches to the face. Buffy: Faith! Stake him already and give me a hand! Still another vampire grabs her by her jacket and throws her to the ground. She lands on her stomach near a piece of wood lying there. The vampire and her original attacker both make a grab for her. Meanwhile Faith keeps whaling on her victim. Faith: This is *me*, (punch) you un (punch) dead (punch) b*st*rd! Buffy reaches desperately for the piece of two-by-four in front of her. Vampire: For Kakistos we live! For Kakistos you'll die! Buffy glances up at him for an instant, then continues desperately clawing for the hunk of wood. Buffy: (screams) FAITH! Faith pays her no attention and just keeps punching her vampire to a pulp. Buffy: OH! [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The alley. Buffy keeps reaching for the two-by-four. Faith continues her pounding. Buffy finally manages to grab the board, and she swings it up and beans one of the vampires in the face with it, and turning to the other, push kicks him off of her. She quickly gets to her feet and looks over at Faith. Buffy: Faith! The one she kicked off makes a grab at her from behind, and she instinctively turns and jams the makeshift stake home. The vampire crumbles to ashes. She drops the hunk of wood, reaches into her jacket for a proper stake and heads over to Faith. Faith is still whaling on the vampire, long after he's too dazed to fight back. Faith: You (punch) can't (punch) touch (punch) me! She shakes the vampire a bit before going back to punching him. Buffy comes up behind her, grabs her by the waist and pulls her off of him. She them thrusts down with her stake and dusts him. Without skipping a beat she confronts Faith with her behavior. Buffy: What is wrong with you? Faith: What are you talking about? Buffy: I'm talking about you 'living large' on that vampire! Faith: Gee, if doing violence to vampires upsets you, I think you're in the wrong line of work! Buffy: Yeah, or maybe you like it a little too much. Faith: I was getting the job done. Buffy: The job is to slay demons! *Not* beat them to a bloody pulp while their friends corner me! Faith: (shrugs) I thought you could handle yourself. (walks off) Buffy lets out an exasperated sigh. Cut to the school halls the next day. Buffy and Giles come out of the cafeteria and walk toward the library. Giles: What you must realize, Buffy, is that you and Faith have very different temperaments. (sips his coffee) Buffy: Yeah, and mine's the sane one. (Giles chuckles) The girl's not playing with a full deck, Giles. She has almost no deck. She has a three. Giles: You said yourself that she-she killed one. Sh-she-she's just a plucky fighter who got a little carried away. Which is natural. She's focused on the slaying. She doesn't have a whole other life here, as you do. Buffy: She doesn't need a life. She has mine. Giles: I think you're being a little... Buffy: No, I'm being a lot. (Giles sips again) I know that. But she nearly got us both killed. The girl needs help. Giles: All right. I'll see if I can reach her Watcher at the retreat. They're (checks his watch) eight hours ahead now. I guess they're probably sitting down to a nightcap. Buffy continues on toward the library, but Giles just stands there and starts to stare off into space. Giles: I wonder if they still kayak. I used to love a good kayak. (Buffy comes back) You see, t-they don't even consider... (sees her looking at him) Sorry. I digress. (they both continue) The, um, vampires that attacked you, can you furnish me with some details that might help me trace their lineage? I mean, ancient or-or-or modern dress. Amulets, cultish tattoos... (sips his coffee) Buffy: Uh, no tats. Crappy dressers. And, uh... Oh, the one that nearly bit me mentioned something about kissing toast. (a spark of recognition appears on Giles' face) He lived for kissing toast. Giles: You mean 'Kakistos'? Buffy: (tries to remember) Maybe it was taquitos. Maybe he lived for taquitos. (looks at him) What? Giles: Kakistos. (heads into the library) Buffy: (frowns) Is that bad? (follows him) Cut into the library. Giles quickly paces in and sets his things on the counter. Giles: 'Kakistos' is Greek. It means the worst of the worst. (Heads behind the counter) It's also the name of a vampire so old that his hands and feet are cloven. He goes into his office and comes out with a book, setting it on the counter and leafing through it. Buffy: Now, this guy shows up two days ago, right? Right around the same time my bestest new little sister makes the scene. Giles: (looks up and considers) You think he and Faith are connected? Buffy: Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns. Giles: Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously. Buffy: Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right? Giles: (thinks for a moment) As far as I know, yes. Buffy: Good. Okay, you get England on the phone. I'm gonna talk to Faith, see if 'khaki trousers' rings... Giles: Kakistos. Buffy: Kakistos rings a bell. Or an alarm. Giles: Right. Buffy: Right. (heads out) Cut to the hall. Buffy strides toward the lounge and is about to round the corner toward the exit when Scott approaches her. Scott: Hi. Buffy: (surprised to see him) Scott! Scott: How are you? Buffy: Uh, o-okay. You know, I-I gotta... Scott: I know, be somewhere else, right? Think of this as my last-ditch effort. I realize that one more is gonna qualify as stalking. (nervously) I've given it a lot of thought--some might say too much thought--to, to how I might be a part of your life. It begins with conversation. We all know this. Maybe over a cup of coffee, or maybe at the Buster Keaton festival playing on State Street all this weekend. Buffy finds this to be a very sweet overture and smiles warmly. She takes a moment to consider his offer. Buffy: You know, come to think of it, I-I don't think I've given a fair chance to... Buster Keaton. I... I like what I've seen of him so far. I... I think it might be time to see a little more. Scott: (takes and releases a breath, smiling) Keaton is key. Oh. (reaches into a pocket) Um, I got you a little present. (pulls out a small box) The guy in the retro shop said that it represents friendship, (holds it out to her) and that's something I would very much like to have with you. Buffy takes the box, looks up at him and back at the box. She takes off the lid and looks at what's inside. It's a Claddagh ring. Scott: You like? She immediately has an anxiety attack, and drops the box. The ring falls free of its padding and hits the floor with an echoing clinking. Giles comes down the hall toward them just in time to see it fall. Buffy: I can't. I-I-I-I can't do this. (takes a quick breath) Scott bends down to pick up the box and the ring. He looks at her and at the ring. Scott: Okay. I get the message. (leaves) Buffy just stands there as if in a trance. Giles reaches out to her. Giles: Are you all right? She shoves off his caring hand, not realizing who it is. Buffy: Uh... (looks up) Giles, I, uh... (wipes a tear) Yeah, I'm fine. (tries to settle herself) Um, did you reach the retreat? Giles: (looks at the floor) Yes, I did. Buffy: W-what did her Watcher say? Giles: Her Watcher's dead. Buffy stares back in disbelief. Cut to a cheap hotel. Cut into a room. The hotel manager is having a talk with Faith. Manager: The room's eighteen dollars a day. That's every day. Faith: Yeah, I know. I'll get it to you by tomorrow, I swear. Manager: (sighs and shrugs) It's not like I own the place. Faith: (gives him a smile) But I bet you will someday. Manager: Not if I listen to broads like you. Buffy appears at the door and steps in. Manager: (to Faith, indicating Buffy) Roommates are extra. Buffy: I'm just visiting. The manager gives up and walks out of the room. Buffy reaches for the door to pull it shut. Faith: So, what brings you to the poor side of town? The door slams closed, and Buffy faces Faith. Buffy: Cloven Guy. Goes by the name Kakistos. Faith: (taken aback) What do you know about Kakistos? Buffy: That he's here. The look on Faith's face betrays her apprehension at hearing this. Buffy: We're not happy to see old friends, are we? What'd he do to you? Faith: (quickly grabs her bag) It's what I did to him, all right? She puts it on the bed and starts to stuff her things into it. Buffy: And what was that? Faith, you came here for a reason. I can help. Faith: (looks up from packing) You can mind your own business. (points at herself) *I'm* the one that can handle this. Buffy: Yeah. You're a real bad-ass when it comes to packing. (gets a look from Faith) What was that you said about my problem? Gotta deal and move on? Well, we have the 'moving on' part right here. What about dealing? Is that just something you're gonna dump on me? Faith: (finishes packing) You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through. I'll take care of this, all right? (heads for the door) Buffy: Like you took care of your Watcher? This stops Faith cold. She lets go of the doorknob and looks down sadly. A moment later she turns to Buffy. Buffy: He killed her, didn't he? Faith: (angrily) They don't have a word for what he did to her. There's a knock at the door. Faith looks through the peephole and sees that it's the manager, looking very strung out. Faith: (sighs) Oh, what now? Buffy: Faith, you run, he runs after you. Faith: That's where the head start comes in handy. She opens the door and sees Kakistos standing behind the dead manager, holding him up. Faith steps back into the room aghast. Kakistos drops the manager's body and smiles at her. Kakistos: Faith. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Faith's hotel room. Kakistos roars and grabs Faith by the neck. She grabs his wrist and tries to pull him off of her, but he is too strong. Faith: No! Buffy rushes up between them, shoves Faith back into the room, forcing Kakistos to let go, and slams the door on his arm. He yells in anger and pain, and eventually has to pull his arm out. Buffy slams the door shut, locks it and puts on the safety chain. Buffy: I just bought us a little more... Kakistos punches through the door and tries to reach for Buffy. Buffy: ...time! Faith: (panics and screams) NO! NOOOOO! Buffy: Scream later! Escape now! She runs for the bathroom dragging Faith behind her. Behind them Kakistos kicks in the door. Cut to the alley behind the hotel. The bathroom window gets kicked out, and Faith scrambles through. Buffy jumps through right behind her. Buffy: Let's go! She takes Faith's hand again, and they start to run. They reach a fork in the alley and take the left one. Trick and his thugs reach the intersection a moment later. One of them follows the girls. Trick signals for two of the others to double back while he and a fourth take the right fork. Cut inside a warehouse. Buffy comes crashing in through a window, and Faith jumps in behind her. They scramble to their feet and see the vampire chasing them run right past. Buffy: We're okay. (faces Faith) What happened? Faith is too freaked out to think straight. Buffy: Faith, what happened? Faith: (frightened) I... I was *there* when he killed my Watcher, and I saw what he did to her... what he was gonna do to me. I tried to stop him, but I... I couldn't. And I ran. Buffy: (breathing hard) Faith, first rule of slaying: don't die. You did the right thing. Okay? You didn't die. Now you do the math. One of him, two of us. Faith: (looks past Buffy shaking her head) No. Buffy: Yes. Faith: (getting panicky) No. Buffy turns around to see what she's looking at. There on the floor lie the bodies of the Pizza Man and others. Faith: This is his place. Buffy: He drove us here. One of the vampires appears at an entrance and growls at them. They begin to run through the warehouse. The vampire gives chase. Two others come in the other side and try to head them off. Buffy stops by a bucket, and putting her foot in, kicks it into one of the vampire's faces. He stumbles backward and over a chair. She does a full spinning hook kick to the other vampire and a side kick to another one behind her. He falls backwards over a table. Buffy runs and jumps onto the table, log rolls over it and kicks him in the back as he tries to get back up. Kakistos walks into the building, his one-eyed gaze fixed on Faith. Buffy rolls to a stand on the table. She picks up a crowbar and swings it baseball style at yet another vampire advancing towards her, hitting her squarely in the neck and knocking her down and out. She sees Kakistos advancing on Faith. Buffy: Faith! (gets her attention) Don't die! (throws her the crowbar) Faith catches the crowbar in mid-air, but before she can swing it at Kakistos, he punches her hard and knocks her into a bunch of large wooden beams leaning against the wall. She hits the floor as the beams go tumbling. Trick walks in calmly, nodding his head and observing the fight. Buffy knife hands her attacker in the neck and throws him into an assisted front tuck off of the table. Kakistos calmly steps up to Faith as she scrambles up against the wall, cowering. He reaches down and grabs her by the shirt, picking her up off of the floor. Faith: NO! Once he has her up, he punches her squarely in the face. Buffy is no longer on the table, and she roundhouse kicks over it, knocking the legs out from under a vampire standing on it. He rolls off of the table and onto his back, and Buffy stakes him cleanly. She looks up at Faith being whaled on by Kakistos. Behind her the unconscious vampire wakes. Kakistos finally hits Faith hard enough to knock her from his own grip onto the floor. He roars loudly. Buffy jumps up and runs over to attack him. She roundhouse kicks him in the back of the knee, spins around and tries to backhand him in the face, but he blocks it. She spins around the other way and backhands him in the face. The now wakened vampire gets back up from the floor, and Trick comes up behind her. Trick: If we don't do something, the Master could get killed. He considers that for a moment, and decides that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Trick: Well, our prayers are with him. He and the vampire turn to leave. Buffy tries to stake Kakistos, but the stake can't easily penetrate his thick hide, and so has no effect on him. He grabs Buffy by the hair, lifts her and throws her back. Trick and the vampire calmly continue on their way out. Trick: There's a reason these vengeance crusades are out of style. It's the modern vampire who sees the big picture. Buffy backhands Kakistos, landing a hard punch. He swings at her, but she ducks. She stands up and tries to stake him again, but even though the stake goes in deeper this time, it still has no effect on him. Again he grabs her by the head and shoves her back into the wall. Faith recovers from her daze, and sees him looming before her, but looking at Buffy instead of at her. Kakistos: I guess you need a bigger stake, Slayer! (laughs maniacally) Faith sees that one of the fallen beams has a broken end. She lifts it up over her shoulder, and before Kakistos can turn his attention back onto her she thrusts the beam through his chest and out his back. He looks down at it and back up at Faith, and then explodes into ashes. Buffy stares in amazement. Faith heaves a few heavy breaths. Buffy pulls the hair back from her face and steps over to Faith, who looks around to make sure nothing else is about to attack. They both look down at the pile of ash left by Kakistos. Buffy: You hungry? Faith: Starved. They both head out of the building. Cut to Sunnydale High School the next day. Cut to the library. Giles gets up from his desk and comes out to the table in the main room. Giles: The council has approved our request. Faith is to stay here indefinitely. (walks around the table) I'm to look after you both until a new Watcher is assigned. (picks up some papers) Buffy is sitting on the table and Willow is sitting in a chair. Buffy: Good. She really came through in the end. (slides off of the table) She had a lot to deal with, but she did it. She got it behind her. Giles: I'm glad to hear it. (looks over the papers) Buffy looks down at the table sadly and quietly for a long moment. Buffy: Angel was cured. Giles: (looks up) I'm sorry? Buffy: When I killed him, Angel was cured. (to Willow) Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. (Willow looks up, taking it all in) I was about to take him out, and, um... something went through him... and he was Angel again. He-he didn't remember anything that he'd done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was... it was too late, and I, I had to. So I, I told him that I loved him... and I kissed him... and I killed him. She looks down at the table again for another long moment. The others stay silent. Buffy: I don't know if that helps with your spell or not, Giles. Giles: Uh, yes, I, I believe it will. Willow: (very sympathetically) I'm sorry. Buffy: It's okay. (gives them a little smile) I've been holding on to that for so long. Felt good to get it out. (pauses, then smiles thinly) I'll see you guys later. She walks out of the library while looking down at the floor. Willow watches her friend go, contemplating the meaning of it all. Giles eventually starts to go back to his office. As he walks around Willow she gets up from her chair. Willow: Giles, I know you don't like me playing with mystical forces, but I can really help with this binding spell. Giles: There is no spell. He starts toward his office again. Willow begins to realize that he'd made the whole spell issue up to get Buffy to talk and release her inner sorrow. Cut to the halls. Scott comes out of a classroom. Buffy is waiting behind the door for him, and steps out into the hall when she sees him pass by. Buffy: Scott. Scott: (stops) Uh, hello. (pulls on his backpack) Buffy: Hey. Uh, I was, um, I was waiting for you to get out of class. Scott: Oh. Um, why? Buffy: Um... There was someone a while ago, and, uh, the ring sort of confused me. But I liked what you said about friendship. (begins to ramble) I liked it a lot. And Buster Keaton. Big fun. And I'm capable of big fun even though there's no earthly way you could possibly know that about me. Wow. If I knew I was gonna go on this long, I probably would've brought some water. Uh, (exhales) what I'm trying to say is, um... if you would still like to go to the film festival--and I would understand it if you didn't--I'd pretty much love to go with you. Scott: (looks around awkwardly) Uh... Ahem. (shrugs) I don't know, Buffy. I'm, I'm really gonna have to think about this. Buffy nods in understanding. He starts down the hall for a few steps, stops and immediately comes back. Scott: Okay. You know what, I thought about it, and I'm in. When do you want to go? Buffy: (smiles) Uh, well, I have one thing that I have to do tonight, and then I'm good. Scott: (smiles) Good. Buffy smiles back at him warmly. Cut to the mansion that night. Cut inside to the great room where Acathla stood. Buffy slowly walks in from a side door to the spot where she slew Angel. She looks down at the floor, and the tears begin to come. She slowly crouches down, and looks at her Claddagh ring. Buffy: (quietly) Goodbye. Gently she places the ring on the floor. She reflects for a moment before standing back up, looking at the great hall around her. She turns around and slowly starts to walk away toward the main door. The camera shows her walking from a high angle, giving a good view of the cavernous room. When she's gone, the camera cuts to the ring. The picture fades to black. A moment later a bright beam of light illuminates the ring on the floor. It gets more and more intense, and the ring begins to vibrate, clinking madly against the marble. Suddenly the room is awash with a blindingly bright white light emanating from a dimensional portal opening above the ring. A body falls through and hits the stone floor hard. The light fades as the portal closes, and a naked man is left lying there. He is unsteady as he tries to get up, but he is too weak to do more than lift his face. It is Angel, looking very dazed. His breathing is shallow and labored, and he shivers violently as he looks up at the room around him.
Plan: A: Another Slayer; Q: What is Faith? A: Faith; Q: Who is Eliza Dushku? A: Sunnydale; Q: Where does Faith arrive? A: two vampires; Q: Who is Faith closely tracked by? A: K. Todd Freeman; Q: Who is Mr. Trick? A: incredibly ancient Kakistos; Q: What vampire is played by Jeremy Roberts? A: Buffy; Q: Who finally accepts Scott Hope's invitation to date? A: an end; Q: What do Buffy and Faith set out to put to Kakistos? Summary: Another Slayer, Faith ( Eliza Dushku ), arrives in Sunnydale, closely tracked by two vampires, thoroughly modern Mr. Trick (K. Todd Freeman) and incredibly ancient Kakistos (Jeremy Roberts). Buffy and Faith set out to put an end to Kakistos. Buffy finally accepts Scott Hope 's ( Fab Filippo ) invitation to date.
Outside, Sean pulls up to Emma's house Sean: Woo. Emma plus Sean is never boring. First that car race, then that kiss. It just felt so right and... Emma: And I have a boyfriend and I feel terrible. I don't do this. I'm not that kind of girl. Sean: I know. That's why I like respect you and whatever. Emma: Well I'm glad I have your respect or whatever. Sean: I have more than just respect for you. You know that, right? Emma: Peter's inside. I have to go. (Emma goes inside to find Peter.) Emma: Hello? Peter: So she made it home in one piece. Where's Sean? Is he coming in? Emma: Um no. He's just leaving. He had to go. Peter: Oh man I wanted to see what he thought about the big race. Me beating Jay was awesome, wasn't it? (Peter kisses Emma.) Emma: Until the cops crashed the party. Manny: So your cell phone was off. We've been calling. We were worried. Peter: She was worried, not me. Outside Degrassi (Peter walks up to the school dressed like Sean.) Spinner: Yo Eminem! Where's D12? Jimmy: Degrassi's newest MC: Too White, Too Furious. Peter: Yo Cam-Shaw. Sup dawg? You down for another race tonight? Sean: You sure Emma doesn't mind being dragged to the street races again? Peter: She'd rather bludgeon a baby seal. That's why it's just me and you, my man. Sean: I got calculus. I'm sorry. Peter: I can help man. I'm pretty smart. Sean: Thanks, but no thanks. (Sean walks away.) At Manny and Emma's lockers Manny: Heard the weather report for today? Emma: Sunny with partial clouds. Slight chance of calculus before lunch. Manny: More like dark, stormy, chance of street racing in the afternoon, followed by more secret make out sessions with Sean. Emma: Stick to acting Manny 'cause you're a lousy weather girl. Manny: So you're saying nothing happened. Emma: For the zillionth time, yes! I mean no. I'm with Peter. Sean is totally not even anything. Manny: So who's acting now? (Emma starts walking to class and bumps into Sean.) Sean: Hey! Come on. (Sean pulls Emma into an empty classroom.) Emma: Are you crazy? We're gonna be late for homeroom! Sean: Just give me a second. I have to give you something. (Sean hands Emma a box containing a pair of earrings.) Emma: They're gorgeous, but how do I possibly explain them to Peter? (She hands them back to Sean.) Sean: I hadn't thought about that. Emma: There are a lot of nice, attractive girls at Degrassi. Sean: Thanks mom. Emma: Or what about Ellie? You guys were hot and heavy for a while. Sean: Forget Ellie. I know who I want. I think you do too. At Ellie and Marco's college Residence worker: Three residence spots have opened up. Allan, Michelle: room 206. Aquiar, Colin: room 416. And Nash, Eleanor. Marco and Ellie: Nash! (Marco and Ellie hug excitedly.) Marco: Yes. Congrats Eleanor. (Ellie takes her key.) Ellie: Thank you! (Ellie and Marco are walking to Ellie's room when a shirtless guy walks by.) Guy: Hey. Ellie: Hi. (Ellie and Marco look at each other excitedly before Ellie opens her door.) Ellie: Um... Marco: Well it's cozy and hey you have a roommate...from yesteryear. Amberley: Eleanor? I'm your new roomie Amberley. Ellie: Ellie actually. (Ellie sticks out her hand and Amberley gives her a big hug.) Ellie: Um this is my friend Marco. Amberley: Oh cute. You'd better tie your scarf around the doorknob when he's over. Marco: Hi I'm gay. Amberley: Oh my god, really? Eleanor you are already so much cooler than my last roommate. Such a sourpuss! Oh! (Amberley pulls out a photo album with their names written across the front.) Amberley: It's for all the amazing memories we're gonna be making this year. Marco: Amberley, uh Eleanor here is just super duper at making memories. You two are gonna be so happy together. (Amberley takes out her camera phone and takes a picture of the three of them.) Ellie: Happy. Yay. At Degrassi Manny: What's with the frown, miss mopey? (Emma gives her a look but doesn't say anything.) Manny: Em! You said nothing happened. Emma: I sort of lied. Just don't punch me, okay? My arm is still hurting from yesterday. Manny: Why Em? Why? It was all going so well. You and Peter were perfect. Emma: Manny you never liked Peter. Manny: Still don't, at all. But he's been good to you, especially when you were sick. Emma: Like I don't feel guilty enough. Manny: It's not about guilt. It's about you not messing up your life. You are not going back to rexyville Emma Nelson. Not on my watch. Emma: I won't. I promise. I just, I have a little romantic dilemma, which I'll figure out, okay? (Emma and Sean smile at each other from across the room.) In Ellie's dorm room (Amberley is unpacking Ellie's stuff, sees a depressing picture and hides it.) Ellie: I got dripped on by something green and living on the bathroom ceiling. Amberley: Ugh fungus mold. Icky wicky. Ellie: Is this supposed to be food? Amberley: Uh some kind of delicious chowder? Ellie: Looks like somebody already ate it. Amberley: Well you're taking journalism right? Sounds like your first article. Ellie: What happened to my print? Amberley: Print? I hope no one stole it. Ellie: My things. You, you unpacked them? Amberley: Sometimes people need a push. That's what my Gran-Gran says and Gran-Gran knows everything. Outside Degrassi, Peter pulls up next to Emma Peter: Boo. Hey uh you took off after school. I wanted to give you a lift. (Emma shrugs.) Peter: Yeah so Sean totally bailed on me. So you wanna hang? I mean go to the races? Emma: Rain check. I, I just need to be by myself tonight. (Peter stops his car and gets out.) Peter: Em. What's going on? You're eating right? I didn't see you at lunch. Emma: Yes I am eating. I wasn't at lunch because I just need my own space right now. Peter: What do you mean space? From me? Emma: I just think maybe we should take a little hiatus. Nothing major. Peter: You're kidding, right? Emma: Sorry. I just need a break. It's nothing to freak over. Peter: Don't tell me not to freak. You're dumping me! Emma: I didn't say I was! You're not understanding me. Peter: I think I am. It's Sean, isn't it? I'm so stupid. How could I trust that guy?! Emma: Peter, stop it. It's not Sean's fault. I don't even know how it happened. Peter: Well did you have s*x with him? Emma: No! I can't believe you'd even ask me that. I'm not some kind of slut. Peter: Could have fooled me. (Emma starts to walk away angry.) Peter: Look Em I didn't mean it. Okay fine. Good luck with Sean. He's not who you think he is. (Peter kicks his tire angrily.) At Ellie's college, Ellie walks into the newspaper office Jesse: If you're looking for free condoms, health clinic's next door. Ellie: No I'm good, thanks. I was wondering how to get something published. Jesse: Found the right person. I'm Jesse, editor. Written before? Ellie: Co-op stuff that I did in high school. Jesse: Frosh? Yeah we don't usually give assignments to freshmen. Not unless they have something totally genius. Ellie: Well I do have something. Um it's a first person reportage on dorm life. I think it's kind of funny. (Jesse looks at it for a second.) Jesse: Not laughing. Ellie: Gets better. (He puts it down and doesn't say anything.) Ellie: So I'll just leave it there and maybe you'll read it. (Jesse nods dismissively.) Ellie: But if you do print it, um it's gotta be anonymous. I was kind of a little bit harsh. A lot harsh. Jesse: Still here? (Ellie gives him a dirty look and leaves.) In a classroom, Ms. Hatzilakos walks into the room Ms. Hatzilakos: Sean Cameron? (They start walking towards his locker.) Sean: There's nothing in there, Ms. H. Ms. Hatzilakos: I told you I'm just following up on a tip, so let's get this over with. (Ms. Hatzilakos opens his locker and sees a bag of weed.) Sean: That's not mine! Ms. H I swear to you. You have to believe me. Ms. Hatzilakos: I think the evidence speaks for itself. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Degrassi, Sean is leaving angry and Emma follows him out Emma: Sean wait! Wait. Sean: I'm suspended indefinitely. I, I don't get it. Who would do this? Who would plant drugs in my locker? Who hates me that much? Did you tell Peter about us? Emma: Yes, but... Sean: He did this! Emma: That's ridiculous. Sean: Yeah? He's the principal's son. He probably figured some way to get into my locker. Emma: Do you know how paranoid that sounds? Sean: Then who? Who else planted it? (Emma doesn't say anything.) Sean: Oh. You think they're mine. You think I actually sell drugs? Emma: No, but you did buy me some very expensive earrings. Sean: I can't believe you. I can't believe you just called me a drug dealer. Emma: I didn't. Sean: You know what Emma? Go to hell! In the newspaper office, Jesse opens up the newspaper to Ellie's story Ellie: There I am. There I really am. Jesse I said the by-line had to be anonymous. Jesse: Why, you don't stand by what you wrote? Ellie: But I trashed the housing department, the administration- Jesse: And that roommate of yours! Gran-Gran. Ah you're right. It was funny. Ellie: Won't be to her. Jesse: Hey you want to be a journalist, that's the name of the game. It's about telling the truth, no matter what. (Ellie sighs.) Jesse: Frosh I'll make it up to you, okay? You can cover the tuition rally. Ellie: Like an actual news story? Jesse: Still here? (Ellie nods excitedly.) At Degrassi, Emma is sitting by herself Peter: Hey. Heard the news. How's Sean? Where is he? Emma: Probably far away from here. Peter: Well if you speak to him, tell him I'll do whatever I can. I'll talk to my mom. I'll do anything. Emma: Did you know about this? I mean the drugs. Peter: I knew he was into some stuff, yeah. I just didn't know how deep. Emma: He thinks you did it. Peter: What? Okay Sean is my friend. Yeah I was hurt, but like I would never...and I don't know who made the tip. Maybe he ripped someone off on a drug deal or something. I don't know. Em...about yesterday, I'm so sorry. Emma: Me too. Outside, Jay is working on his car and Sean is kicking stuff around Jay: Yeah I was gonna use those, but whatever. Sean: Whatever's right. Alright, I'm out of here man. I'm going back to Wasaga. Jay: Man that is so weak. You're gonna let that little wiener beat you? Sean: He's already won. Alright I've been kicked out of school, Emma thinks I'm a drug dealer. I'm screwed man. Jay: Bummer times. Look at least you'll be able to sleep better knowing that you fixed that punk. Sean: Kicking the crap out of him isn't going to help. Alright his mom will probably have me charged with assault or something. Jay: There are other ways to beat him. I bet he's at the races again. He was there last night looking for a race and I finally installed the nitrous oxide in your ride. Just the edge you need to smoke that little punk. Sean: Let's teach him a lesson. Jay: Yeah pain 101. My favourite subjects. In Ellie's dorm room, Amberley is throwing Ellie's stuff into the hall Ellie: Hey that's my stuff! Amberley: "And my roommate, the Stepford Omarosa minus the looks". Why would you do this? Ellie: Look I want to be a journalist and, and sometimes that means people get hurt. Amberley: And sometimes black-clad sourpusses get booted out. The tribe has spoken Eleanor. Give me your torch! Ellie: But I... (She takes Ellie's keys and slams the door in her face.) At the races, Sean goes over to Peter's car and opens his door Sean: Get out of the car. Peter: What? Sean: Get out of the car man! Peter: Relax dude. What's this about? Sean: You know what this is about. We got a score to settle. Peter: Dude you tried to steal my girlfriend. Don't they teach you guy code in Waga-Waga Bay? Sean: Don't they teach you to fight your own battles? Not to get your mom to fight them for you? Peter: Yeah you spent some time in her office today, right? You know she keeps a lot of cool stuff in there. Like uh permanent records, answer keys...locker combinations. Sean: You son of a- (Jay holds Sean back.) Jay: Easy Sean. Easy. Remember what we came here to do, okay? Sean: Yeah I do. You and me, alright? We're gonna settle this out there on the street. Peter: What, you want to race me? In that hunk of junk? You're on bitch. (Sean and Peter start racing and when a car swerves in front of Peter's, he swerves in front of Sean's who drives onto the sidewalk and hits a passing jogger.) Peter: Oh my god. What do we do? Sean: Your phone. Give me your cell phone. Give me your cell phone. (Peter gives him his phone.) Sean: (On the phone) Yeah I need an ambulance. There's a guy, he's been hit by a car. Near Sara Simcoe Park past Countryside Drive. Thanks. Okay. (Jay drives up and rushes over.) Jay: Is he still breathing? Sean: Yeah where's that ambulance? Jay: Sean, listen to me. You have to go. Sean: What? Jay: Peter is a minor. You're 18. You're gonna do hard time for this. Peter: Dude don't listen to him! Jay: Am I talking to you? (Jay makes Sean stand up.) Jay: Sean, get in your car and drive! Go! (Sean gets in his car and leaves Peter and Jay at the site.) At Marco and Dylan's place (Marco opens the door and sees Ellie with all of her stuff.) Ellie: That anonymous article? Not so anonymous. Marco: Student housing gave you the boot, huh? Ellie: Loverly Saint Amberley saved them the trouble. Marco: Well didn't you issue a retraction? Ellie: On my first piece? That'd make a great impression on the editor. Dylan: Que pasa? Marco: Uh Ellie needs somewhere to crash. Ellie: Just for tonight. Marco: Well wait. We are looking for a roommate, right Dylan? Dylan: Well, so long as you can make rent, mi casa es su casa. Marco: Yes! This is gonna be so great. I know exactly how to kick off our first night as roomies. Saved By The Bell marathon starts in 5 and I have the microwave popcorn with the buttery jalapeño sauce! Ellie: Could you at least pretend you're unhappy I got kicked out? At Emma's house Mr. Simpson: Good news. Just got off the phone with Peter's dad. They posted bail and he is safe and sound at home. Manny: What about the guy who got hit? Mr. Simpson: He's in the hospital. He's hurt, but he's stable. Emma: And Sean just totally bailed? That's a hit and run, right? Spike: Em I think everything's under control now. Why don't you go get some sleep? (Emma leaves the room.) Mr. Simpson: This is bad. (Emma goes downstairs and sees Sean sitting there.) Emma: Sean? Sean: Shh! Emma: What are you doing here? Sean: I screwed up Emma. I screwed up real bad. Emma: Understatement of the century. The police are looking for you. Sean: I know. I know. So that's why I need your help. You're the only one who cares. You're the only one who can... Emma: You're wrong. I don't care Sean. I can't. Not anymore. You need to turn yourself in. Outside Emma's house (Sean is getting taken away in handcuffs crying.) Scenes for next week Voiceover: On a new episode of Degrassi Sean is doing hard time. Peter: Sounds like Sean's gonna be nailed to the wall for this. Jay: It's jail Emma. It ain't your boyfriend's country club. Voiceover: And Emma is having a hard time letting go. Emma: Snake it's bad. He really needs help and he's got no one. (Emma is holding Sean's hands.) Peter: Sean is scum. He deserved what happened to him. Emma: You and me are done! (Emma pushes Peter against the lockers.)
Plan: A: Peter; Q: Who is Emma happy being with? A: Sean; Q: Who does Emma find herself drawn to as she gets caught up in the street-racing scene? A: enrolls; Q: What does Sean do when he returns to Degrassi? A: Degrassi; Q: Where does Sean enroll for the upcoming school year? A: Marco; Q: Who is overwhelmed when he has to juggle moving his stuff into his apartment with Dylan? A: university courses; Q: What does Ellie want to take with Marco? A: Ellie; Q: Who writes an anonymous article about her new roommate for the school newspaper? A: a going away party; Q: What does Marco throw Paige? A: her new roommate; Q: Who does Ellie struggle to deal with? Summary: Emma is happy being with Peter--that is, until Sean returns to town and enrolls at Degrassi for the upcoming school year. She soon finds herself drawn to Sean as he and Peter get caught up in the street-racing scene. Meanwhile, Marco grows overwhelmed when he has to juggle moving his stuff into his apartment with Dylan, choosing university courses with Ellie, and throwing Paige a going away party. Also, Ellie struggles to deal with her new roommate and writes an anonymous article about it for the school newspaper.
[Scene: Attic. Piper is in tears as she flips through the Book of Shadows. She cants the Power of Three spell, hoping that Prue would return.] Piper: Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night. The oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great magic is sought. (A candle flickers. She's surrounded by herb jars, chalices and other ritualistic items.) In this night and in this battle, I call upon the ancient power. (She looks up and closes her eyes.) Bring back my sister. Bring back the Power of Three. (She keeps her eyes closed for a prayerful beat, then she opens them, looks at the candle, but sees nothing. Blindly determined, she starts flipping through pages until she finds another spell, To Call a Lost Witch. She expertly finds and mixes certain ingredients {rosemary, cypress, yarrow root} into a silver bowl as she chants from the book.) Power of the witches' rise. Course unseen across the skies. Come to us, we call you near. Come to us and settle here. (Then, she finds an athame and slices the left finger of her left hand so that blood can symbolically spill directly from her heart and into the bowl.) Blood to blood, I summon thee. Blood to blood, return to me. (A faint gust of wind flickers the candle, but not much else. She buries her face in her hands in defeat.) Phoebe: Piper? (Piper looks up, hopeful.) Piper: Prue? (She looks at the candle. Phoebe enters, wearing her nightclothes and jacket. She has a tear-stained face.) Phoebe: Sweetie, it 4 o'clock in the morning. What are you doing? (Piper doesn't answer, just stares blankly at the book. Phoebe notices Piper's bleeding and gets a towel.) You're bleeding. (Piper doesn't notice, doesn't care. Phoebe finds a clean cloth, takes Piper's hand and wraps the wound.) Piper: I don't understand why magic can't fix this. And why we can't bring Prue back. It's not like we haven't cheated death before. I don't understand why this time isn't any different. Phoebe: Because Leo can't heal the dead, Piper. You know that. Piper: There's other magic, magic that we've used before. (She flips through the pages and fights the tears.) Scrying, calling a lost witch, reversing time. (She closes the Book of Shadows. She stands up.) It's like the book just deserted us and deserted Prue, and I don't understand why. (Phoebe takes Piper's other hand, holds them both, shares her pain.) Phoebe: We lost our sister. How can we ever understand that? (Pause) We've tried every magical way to bring her back but we can't. She's gone. (Their eyes well up as they face the harsh reality, then they fall into each other's arms. It's a nightmare neither one of them can ever wake up from.) I just - I thank God that I didn't lose you too. (Phoebe gives her a little kiss. She breaks the hug. She sighs.) We have to get some rest. Prue will never forgive us if we look bad at her funeral. (Piper can't help but smile through the tears at that. She stands, looks down at the Book of Shadows one last time before closing it. Arm-in-arm, they exit, shutting the door behind them. A beat, then a mysterious wind returns our attention to the Book of Shadows. The symbol, the triquetra, on the cover begins to glow. The mysterious wind re-opens the book and magically turns to the pages to the last spell Piper tried to cast, "To Call a Lost Witch...".) [Scene: South Bay Social Services. A young brunette woman, named Paige Matthews, is seated at her desk and pops in a CD into her computer. She turns her attention to the computer screen.] Woman: Social services. May I help you? Paige: Printing! (She notices that a mysterious wind blows out her lit candle. She gets up from her chair and takes a few steps to her right. Paige's back is turned when a newspaper mysteriously appears, landing on the floor next to Paige. She turns and bends over to pick up the newspaper. She looks around.) Woman: South Bay Social Services. May I help you? (She glances at the paper, noticing the obituary section, informing about Prue Halliwell's Death and where and when the funeral will be held. The obituary reads: PRUE HALLIWELL "Funeral Services will be held today at Memorial Cemetery, 11:00AM.) Cowan: Paige, you find that study yet? (Paige's boss, Mr. Cowan, emerges from his office and sees her reading the article. He goes up to her.) Paige, did you hear me? (Paige continues to keep her eye on Prue's obituary and grabs her jacket.) Paige: Yeah. It's in the printer. I'm sorry, I have to go. (She begins to leave.) Cowan: What do you mean go? Go where? Paige! Hey, Paige! Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Parlor. It's set up for the post-funeral wake. Phoebe, dressed for the funeral, adjust some flowers on the table. She walks into the living room, where Victor, dressed in a dark suit, is sitting on the chair, staring vacantly at the floor bearing the kind of grief only a parent who's lost a child knows. She gives her Dad a small kiss.] Phoebe: Can I get you anything? (She touches him tenderly on the shoulder. He looks up at her.) Victor: Oh, no thanks sweetie. (Phoebe waters a plant and fiddles with a few plants. Phoebe looks up to find Leo entering the parlor with Cole. Both men are dressed in suits.) Leo: Look who's back. Phoebe: Cole! (She runs to him and embraces him in her arms and then releases him.) I was afraid you weren't going to make it to the funeral. Cole: Well, I - I can't make it or, shouldn't anyway. The Source has got every demonic bounty hunter out there looking for me. Phoebe: Yeah. So what else is new? Cole: This is different. Saving you makes it a different, makes me a traitor - and he not going to stop until he finds me and I don't want that happening at Prue's funeral. Phoebe: So, we'll protect you. Cole: You can't protect me. Phoebe: Why not? We're still witches, aren't we? Cole: Yeah, but you're not the Charmed Ones anymore. (Phoebe finds herself at the partially repaired, unpainted wall where Prue died. Leo steps in.) Leo: He's right, Phoebe. Without the Power of Three (Phoebe raises her hand.) Phoebe: I don't understand. Isn't it harder to track a demon in a cemetery, Cole? You have to go. I need you there. (Cole nods. Victor escorts Darryl in through the front door.) Darryl: Hey, how are you holdin' up? Phoebe: Okay. (She and Darryl hug and slowly step away from each other.) It's sweet of you to stop by. Darryl: Had to. Besides, I thought you should know - they're assigning Prue's case to another inspector. Leo: What case? Darryl: What case? Are you kidding? Prue and a prominent doctor were killed here, Leo. Made a lot of press. People want answers. Important people. Cole: So, what's this guy gonna find? That it was a demonic hitman? Gimme a break. Darryl: He might. Look, you don't know him like I do. He'll keep looking until he finds something, believe me. Cole: I'm not worried. Leo: Well, I am. I saw what happened when they were exposed as witches. Time may have reversed itself, but it still cost Prue her life. Victor: Would you people mind? For God's sake, we're burying my daughter today. Can't this wait? (Phoebe moves over to hug her father, who's struggling to hold it all together.) [Scene: Piper and Leo's bedroom. Piper's partially dressed, sitting in front of the mirror, lost in her thoughts, absentmindedly brushing her hair. A beat later, Leo eases open the door and enters.] Leo: Piper? (She doesn't react, just keeps brushing. Leo approaches her.) Honey, we have to go. Piper: I don't want to go. Leo: Why not? (Leo kneels down beside her.) Piper: Because if I go, that'll mean that Prue's really not coming back, and I don't think I can handle that. Leo: We can handle it together. (Piper shakes her head.) Piper: She's been there my whole life. I've always had a big sister. And I don't know how to live without one? Leo: Piper (He goes to touch her, but she pulls away.) Piper: Why didn't you save her? Leo: I tried. Piper: But you didn't. Why didn't they let you save her, too? Leo: The Elders? They couldn't. They don't have that kind of power. Piper: Then what the hell good are they? (She gets up, walks away from him, and finds a Kleenex. Leo follows.) Leo: It's okay to be angry Piper: I'm not angry. I am pissed off! Don't you understand? You healed the wrong sister! You saved me because I'm your damn wife, and you should've saved her because she was the best! Because she you should (She loses it again, overcome. Leo moves up behind her and this time, she lets him hold her.) Why do they put us through so much for it to end this way? [Scene: Underworld. A darkly cloaked figure appears in front of a shadowy figure known as the Oracle.] Oracle: May I be seen? The Source: Have you found Belthazor? Oracle: No, something else... (He considers that for a beat, then turns and waves his clawed hand at The Oracle. A creepy but sexy young woman, materializes from the depths, stroking her ever-present crystal ball.) Something more important, perhaps. The Source: Nothing is more important. Oracle: Not even The Charmed Ones? The Source: The Charmed Ones are dead. Oracle: Not all of them. The Source: One gone ends the threat. Of course, if you had foreseen that a white-lighter was going to help Belthazor save his witch, they'd all be gone. Be grateful I don't turn you into a snake. Oracle: Yes, but then how would you see into the future without me? The Source: Without the Charmed Ones to worry about anymore, I may not need to. Oracle: Mmm. Well, in that case, you'd better keep me around a little while longer. (The Source turns back to the Oracle as she looks into her crystal ball, sees whips of smoke forming inside.) The Source: What do you see? Oracle: I see - a witch's call on the spirit winds. I see... another. [Scene: Mausoleum. A beautiful ivory-colored coffin sits on a pedestal amongst the flowers. An ivory-dressed, Wiccan Priestess stands before a blue silk covered altar table, which is adorned with a ceremonial chalice. A tied, silver cord lays before the chalice, three lit candles surround it, symbolizing birth, death, and the rebirth. To the unaware mourners, however, the service comes across a part traditional, part New Age. Piper, Phoebe, Leo, Cole, Darryl, and Victor are seated close to the priestess. Piper and Phoebe dab at their eyes and Cole keeps his eyes peeled for any trouble. The funeral program, which bares the symbol of the triquetra above the name, read: "PRUDENCE HALLIWELL, 1970-2001; "Forever in our Hearts."] Priestess: That which belongs to fellowship and love. That which belongs to the circle, remains with us. The wheel turns. As life is a day, so our sister has passed into night. Nothing is final, and we who remain behind know that one day, we will once again share the bread and wine with our sister. O' blessed spirit, we bid you farewell, for you await a new destiny. (With that, she unties the silver cord and gently lays it into the chalice. She blows out the candles. Mourners standing, shaking hands, crying, etc. Darryl goes over to Piper and Phoebe to hug them and people begin to pay their respects. Phoebe thanks another mourner, then turns to the last of the mourners, whom she doesn't recognize -- Paige, who shifts over anxiously.) Paige: I'm so sorry for your loss. Phoebe: Thank you. (Paige begins to leave.) How did you know Prue? From work? Paige: No. Just just from around, you know. Phoebe: Have we met before? Paige: No. I don't I don't think so. Anyway, my condolences. Phoebe: Thank you. (Phoebe shakes Paige's hand -- then gets hit with a powerful premonition: Paige is on a skyscraper rooftop helipad. She screams as she squeezes her eyes shut in fear as the demon Shax gestures and sends a concessive blast toward her to kill her. Phoebe stumbles to the floor after her premonition ends.) Piper: Phoebe. Leo: Phoebe? (Piper, Leo, Victor, and Cole rush over to her as Paige, oblivious, but not wanting to stick around, leaves. Leo and Victor help Phoebe stand up.) Piper: Are you all right? Phoebe: I saw him... the demon that killed Prue. Leo: Shax? What was he doing? Phoebe: He was killing that girl. Piper: What girl? Phoebe: The one I was just talking to. We've gotta go find her... (Bounty Hunters 2 suddenly materialize on either side of Cole and immediately fire lightning bolts at him. Cole dives, just barely avoiding the bolts, which blow up the altar.) Leo: Go. Go. (Leo pulls her behind a pillar for safety. Victor looks on in disbelief. Cole rolls, comes up firing, vanquishing Bounty Hunter #2, but Bounty Hunter #3 appears. Before he can kill Cole, though, Phoebe runs up and knocks him to the ground with an expert martial arts move. She then hides behind a statue.) Piper: Stop it. (Bounty Hunter #3 spins to fire at Phoebe, but Cole fires an energy ball at the Bounty Hunter, blowing him up in a shower of fiery sparks. Piper lets out an irritated, angry yell.) Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Damn it! This is Prue's funeral, for God's sake! Can't we at least bury her in peace?! Is that too much to ask?! (She knocks over a vase of flowers. She then storms out in tears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Phoebe slowly works her way through the Mourners, who are drinking coffee, eating cold cuts, and sharing stories. She gives a woman a plate.] Woman: Thank you. (Phoebe walks over to Leo and Cole.) Phoebe: I don't see her anywhere. Leo: Who? Phoebe: The girl from my premonition. (A passing mourner, overhearing that, quietly reacts. Leo, seeing that, pulls Phoebe to the main stairs, where they can have some privacy.) Leo: Phoebe, you gotta be more careful. Phoebe: I'm sorry. Cole: You sure don't recognize her from anywhere? (She sighs.) Phoebe: Well, she did look familiar like I've seen her somewhere before. But somehow, we got to find her before nightfall, or else (Phoebe slides a flower vase over an inch, then back again. Cole gently grabs her arm with a concerned look.) Cole: Honey, what're you doing? Phoebe: Uh, I'm cleaning. Cole: You don't clean. You hate cleaning. Phoebe: I know... but it's better than falling apart, isn't it? Leo: Maybe you should just try and focus on the girl. You said she was attacked on a rooftop? Phoebe: Yeah. One with a heli-pad but it a tall building, although, there were a lot of taller ones around it. Leo: Okay, so we just need to figure out which building it was before Shax does. (Piper walks up to them.) Piper: And do what exactly? You can't defeat Shax, not without the Power of Three. Phoebe: But you and Prue did. (Piper sighs.) Piper: That's because Prue was the strongest. Trying to do it without her would be suicide. Phoebe: Maybe so, but I got that premonition for a reason, Piper. That girl is our innocent, so we have to try and save her. Piper: Says who? Why do we have to? Leo: Piper Piper: What? Do you really expect us to keep doing this stuff after what happened? To keep risking our lives? Do they? Leo: Piper, keep your voice down Piper: No, Leo, I won't. I don't want to do this anymore, okay? It-It's over! You can tell them that we buried their precious Charmed Ones when we buried our sister. (She spins and stalks up the stairs. Leo starts to follow, but Phoebe stops him.) Phoebe: No, leave her be. She needs to be alone. Look, I don't know where we go from here, but I do know that I can't let that girl die especially not by the same demon that killed Prue. Cole: The question remains, how are you going to stop Shax without the Power of Three to say the vanquishing spell? Phoebe: I'm hoping that a demon and a witch fighting together might be enough. Interested? Cole: Why not? It's better sitting around waiting for the next bounty hunter to attack. (Phoebe then moves off with Cole.) Victor: I appreciate you coming over. It means so much to the girls. Phoebe: Dad. Excuse me, Aaron. (She pulls him over.) We have to go. Will you be okay? Victor: Go where? Cole: Trust me, you don't want to know. (Before Victor could react, they turn to see Darryl entering and approaching with Cortez, coat and tie, self-made, eyes never miss a trick.) Darryl: Phoebe. Victor. Sorry about this, but Inspector Cortez insisted on meeting today Cortez: I just wanted to extend my deepest sympathies. Phoebe: Thank you. Victor: Thanks. Cole: I'll get the car. (He steps out of the Manor.) Darryl: Where's Piper? Phoebe: Upstairs. She's not feeling well. Cortez: Understandable. I lost a sister once myself, I know how hard it is. We're going to find the monster who did this to your sister, Ms. Halliwell. I promise you this. (Phoebe and Darryl exchange a look. Cortez notices this.) Something I said? Phoebe: No, uh, it's just the word, monster. Cortez: Well that's what he was - how else do you describe somebody so vicious? We have to stop before he strikes again. Phoebe: I couldn't agree more. If you'll excuse me, Inspector (She goes to leave, but Cortez stops her.) Cortez: I know what a difficult time this is for you and your sister, Ms. Halliwell, but we really need to talk. Victor: But not now. Cortez: Of course. Sorry (He holds Phoebe's look for an uncomfortable beat, then allows her to exit. Darryl, concerned, looking at Cortez.) [Cut to attic. Piper is angrily placing five lit candles in a lose circle on the floor in front of the Book of Shadows.] Piper: I'm a witch, damn it. I've summoned people before and I'm gonna summon Prue now whether you like it or not! No more games, no more playing the good witch. (She goes to the Book, which is opened to the spell.) I want to talk to my sister. I need to talk to my sister. At the very least, you owe me that. (Piper takes a soul-cleansing breath, then glares at the Book.) "Here these words. Hear my cry spirit from the other side. Come to me, I summon thee. Cross now the Great Divide." (Inside the circle, white magical lights, ever-so-slowly begin to appear. Piper looks up, her anger replaced by hopeful wonder as she steps closer, anticipating Prue's appearance, but is, instead, surprised to see the ghost of Grams.) Grams? Grams: Hello, my darling. How are you? Piper: How am I? Are you kidding? Do you guys not get the news up there? Grams: I meant, how are you holding up? Piper: Not very well. I'm a little lost. Why didn't you come before? When I called after Grams: I couldn't, Piper. I was busy. Piper: You were busy? Grams: I was with Prue. Piper: Oh. Of course you were. Right. Well, that makes sense. Is she okay? Grams: Your mother and I are helping her through this. Piper: But how is she? Grams: I'm not allowed to tell you now just like you're not allowed to see her, at least not for a while anyway. Piper: But, why? Grams: Because seeing Prue right now, speaking to her, keeps her alive for you. Which keeps you from being able to move on with your life, to continue with your destiny. Piper: What destiny? Okay. It's over. It's done. Prue is gone. And I Grams: I know, sweetie. I know but if there's one thing you've learned over the last three years, it's that there's a reason for everything which means there's a reason for this, too. You're destiny still awaits. blessed be. (She disappears in the same swirl of white lights that brought her to Piper.) [Cut to Underworld. The Source materializes in a fiery display.] The Source: Anything? (The Oracle, still coiled around her smoke-filled crystal ball, looks up from it.) Oracle: Unfortunately since the last attack, Belthazor has been very elusive - The Source: Leave Belthazor to the bounty hunters. What about the other? (The Oracle confidently waves her hand over the crystal ball.) Oracle: Her future's becoming much more clear. And, it appears, short-lived (The crystal ball shows swirling smoke inside as it begins to form into the image of a dancing woman, Paige.) [Cut to P3. Paige is dancing with her boyfriend, Shane. The club is hopping - a hot band lights up the place. The song ends, the crowd cheers, then Paige and Shane drifts over to their table and sit. Paige looks distracted, distant.] Shane: You all right? Paige: Me? Yeah, why? Shane: Well, you seem a little quieter than usual. That's all. Paige: What makes you think I'm not like this all of the time. Shane: Well, we've been dating for a month now. So, I think I'd know. (To a passing waitress) Uh, hey, can we get a couple of long necks? Waitress: Sure. Paige: (To waitress) Make mine a mineral water, please? Waitress: Mm-mmm. Paige: (To waitress) Thanks. (The waitress notes the order and leaves.) So much for how well you know me cowboy. I don't drink. I used to have kind of a problem during liquids lot of problems, actually, but that's all behind me. Shane: Do you want to go someplace else, or ? Paige: No, no, no, I like it here. Gosh. I should. I've been coming to P3 for the last year or so, on and off. I mean, ever since that Shane: Ever since what? Paige: Oh, never mind. It's boring. (Pause) All right, but if I tell you all about Paige and you use it against me, I will get out my voodoo doll and make you sorry you're a man. (Pauses) So my sad story is that I'm adopted, only it's not so sad because I loved my parents, God rest. So after they died, I went searching for my birth mother, hoping to get some answers. (She begins to doodle on a napkin.) I went to the police, found the church I got dumped at I checked around. I figured she must've lived near here, you know? They even thought I might've been related to the Halliwell sisters for a minute, but their Mom died a long time ago, so I gave up on that. Shane: Well, did you ever meet the sisters, ask them about it or Paige: Yeah right. "Hi. I think your Mom might've abandoned me at birth. What's for dinner?" No. I don't think so. (The waitress brings them their drinks, allowing Paige to lean back, try to end this painful topic. Shane, though, cares, wants to know more.) Waitress: Here you are. Paige: Thanks. Waitress: You're welcome Shane: So that, that still doesn't explain why you keep coming here. Paige: Well, one of the sisters owns it, so I don't know. I guess I just kind of feel - connected somehow. That's why I went to the funeral today. I just felt like I had to. Okay. I sound certifiably insane. Good job, Paige. Way a go. (Shane, touched, shuts her up by leaning in and giving her a kiss. She responds, then pulls back slightly, allowing her vulnerability to show.) Don't hurt me, okay? I can't handle anymore right now. (His answer is another kiss, deeper, meaningful. She accepts it, returns the passion. They part, stare into each other's eyes. Hers are ablaze.) Come on. I have something to show you. (Shane hurriedly tosses a twenty on the table. They leave. The cocktail napkin Paige was doodling on had a drawing of a rough version of the triquetra, the Power of Three.) [Scene: Skyscraper building. Phoebe, bundled up in the observation room, looks out through the binoculars. Cole approaches from behind, handing Phoebe a thermostat cup of coffee.] Cole: Here. (Phoebe lowers the binoculars, turns to take the cup.) Phoebe: Oh, thanks. I think this is the right place. But maybe we should try one of the other rooftops just to make sure. Cole: Or maybe we should follow your first instincts and stay right here. Phoebe: Okay. But, what if I'm wrong? That girl will get killed. Cole: You can't save every innocent, Phoebe, or stop every demon. (He hugs her from behind.) Phoebe: Yeah. Well, I have to stop this one. I just hope that by me saying the vanquishing spell, it wounds him enough that you can take him out. (Cole snuggles from behind.) Cole: I got a better idea. How about you and me go someplace? You know? Drop off the face of the earth together, disappear? Phoebe: Hmm. Don't tempt me. Cole: Things have changed, Phoebe. We can't pretend we can go on like this. It's only a matter of time before The Source finds me, which means every minute you're with me, you're in danger. Phoebe: I've lost too much already Cole. I'm not losing you, too. (She holds his look, he's not going anywhere. Then, he kisses her and looks up past her, squints, seeing something.) Cole: Ooh, looks like your instincts were right. Phoebe: We've gotta shimmer over there! (She turns and raises binoculars.) Cole: And tell her what? That a demon's gonna attack? I think we should stay right here. (They wait as Paige, oblivious to the looming danger, leads a reluctant Shane to the center of the heli-pad.) Shane: Aren't you afraid that we're gonna to get caught? Paige: I like an element of danger. (She lets go of his hand, then spins around, arms out wide, looking up at the stars, free.) Oh. Look at the stars. They're so beautiful! They make me feel free. (She takes off her jacket slightly He kisses her. Meanwhile, Phoebe lowers the binoculars and turns away. Cole is still looking.) Phoebe: All right, any ideas? Cole: A couple. (Phoebe smacks him.) Phoebe: I meant about what we do now. I mean, we can't just keep watching, it's not right. (Cole takes the binoculars from Phoebe and takes a look.) Cole: You're right. We shouldn't just keep watching. (Phoebe blocks his view.) Phoebe: Okay, very good. (A moving tornado materializes out of thin air and races toward the unsuspecting lovers. The demon, Shax, appears and fires a concussive blast. Paige opens her eyes at the last second and sees it over Shane's shoulder.) Paige: Shane! (The blast makes Shane go flying backwards, knocking himself out. Paige screams. Shax throws another concussive blast at Paige. Paige screams and orbs out and back, realizing that she's still alive, somehow. Paige turns the other way and runs to the roof access tower. Shax, surprised at her ability to orb, turns back into a tornado and follows.) Phoebe: She orbed! (Paige runs away.) She orbed - did you just see that? Cole: Come on! (Cole grabs her and shimmers out with her.) [Cut to Paige, running for her life, scampers down the stairs onto the catwalk then stops as she hears the ominous sound of the tornado approaching. She slowly turns to see Shax standing there. But before he can throw another concussive blast, he stops as he sees Cole and Phoebe shimmer in. Paige turns, just in time to see the tail end of the shimmer, shocked.] Paige: What the hell? Phoebe: Get outta here! Hurry! Go! Go! (Cole fires an energy ball at Shax, but it barely fazes him. He fires another one as Paige, freaked, takes off running up the stairs.) Cole: Say the spell, damn it! Phoebe: Evil wind that blows, that which forms below. No longer may you dwell. Death takes you with this spell. (Shax, though, manages to get off a concussive blast at Cole, which knocks him over the stairway rail. Just as Shax, in agony, turns into a ghostly wind and streaks away from the scene. Phoebe, panic- stricken, runs to the edge. Cole plummets five stories, but just before he pancakes, he recovers enough to shimmer out.) Cole! (Cole shimmers next to Phoebe, who gasps and emotionally hugs him, afraid she almost lost him.) That was too close... Cole: It's okay, I'm all right. I just don't know about your innocent. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Leo is debating with Cole and Phoebe with what they say. Piper's in the background.] Leo: Are you sure she orbed? Are you sure that it wasn't something else? Phoebe: Leo, she disappeared. Bright white, shiny thingies came and then she reappeared. What else could it be? Leo: It just doesn't make any sense. Cole: Why not? Leo: Because why would Shax want to kill a White-lighter? Cole: Maybe he doesn't know she's a white-lighter. Leo: Right, the Source sends out his personal assassin, but doesn't know who he's after? (Piper, in the background, clatters the pots that she's washing, noticeably.) Phoebe: (To Leo) Is it possible that she didn't know that she was a white-lighter? Leo: No. Why? Cole: Because she acted as if she didn't. She acted just as surprised as we were when she orbed out. Leo: Well that doesn't make any sense either. Phoebe: Okay, why don't you go up and ask the Elders what does make sense so we don't go risking our lives again? (Leo looks at Piper.) Leo: I'll be right back. (He orbs out. Phoebe covers her eyes.) Cole: Maybe I should, uh, go to the other side and see what I can find out. (Phoebe looks at him.) Phoebe: No. Cole: I'll be careful. Nobody'll see me. Besides, it could be good to me to go back down, confused any bounty hunters that might be trying to track me. Don't worry. I won't disappear. (Cole kisses Phoebe on the cheek and shimmers out. Piper is hunched over the sink and Phoebe moves closer to her sister.) Phoebe: Hey, you okay? Piper: Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty much know who to invite. (She holds a small white towel in her hand and faces Phoebe.) Phoebe: Piper Piper: Just tell me one thing. Are you insane or are you just plain stupid? We bury Prue this morning and you go off tonight and nearly join her. What the hell is the matter with you? Phoebe: I was trying to save an innocent. Piper: No. You were trying to get yourself killed, which is what this family does best is get killed. (She throws the towel onto a counter in frustration and anger.) Isn't it obvious by now that our only destiny is to die? And you are making it way too easy for them, Phoebe. You are just walking right into it! (Phoebe embraces Piper.) Phoebe: I am so sorry. Piper: I cannot handle anything right now, and I certainly cannot handle losing another sister. [Scene: Hospital. Paige enters Shane's room. He sits up from his bed.] Shane: Paige. Paige: Hey. Shane: What happened? Paige: Shane, I feel so bad. I just got scared and I ran. Shane: Of course. Paige: Are you all right? What'd they say? Shane: It's no big deal, just a little concussion. Paige: Oh, no. Shane: No, I'm gonna be fine. They wouldn't be releasing me if I wasn't, right? I'm just glad you're okay, too. Paige: Yeah, well, physically anyway. Shane: Did you talk to the cops yet? Paige: No. Why? Shane: Why? They want to find out who attacked us, that's why. I - I told them you saw him. Paige: You did what? Shane: Well, you did. Didn't you? (Cortez enters the room.) Cortez: Did you? Paige: Who are you? Cortez: Inspector Cortez, homicide. I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Shane: Wait, homicide? No one was murdered. Cortez: Based on the MO, if it's the same perpetrator I think it was, that just makes you lucky. He killed two people last week, violently, one of them a young woman who looked a little bit like you. Paige: Prue. Cortez: Prue Halliwell. Did you know her? Paige: No. No, not really. Shane: Well, in a way you did, right? Cortez: What way was that? Were you friends of hers or friends of her sisters? Paige: No, not friends. Cortez: Then what? Okay, look. I - I know you know something. I can see it in your eyes. Just like I know they know something, too. If you're trying to protect them in anyway, I'll find out. Paige: Well, in that case, I have nothing to worry about. (She kisses Shane.) You rest up. I'll be back. (To Cortez) Excuse me. (Paige leaves the room.) [Cut to Manor. Phoebe sits next to the fireplace. Piper walks toward her and hands her a teacup.] Piper: Here, this should help. It's chamomile. I had three cups. (Piper takes a seat on the floor beside Phoebe.) Phoebe: Thanks. (She takes a sip and sets it aside.) Doesn't seem real, does it? Piper: No. What are we gonna do with all of her stuff? What are we going to do with her car? Phoebe: I don't know. Sell it, I guess. Piper: Unless you want it. Phoebe: No. (She holds hands with Piper.) We're gonna get through this, you know. We just have to stick together. (Leo orbs into the room.) Well? Leo: Well, they don't know anything about her, so she's definitely not a white-lighter. Phoebe: Then why can she orb, Leo? Leo: They can't explain it. (Both Piper and Phoebe stand up.) Phoebe: Then how is it possible that they don't kn (Cole shimmers into the room.) Cole: Whew. Sorry I took so long. I had to dodge a couple of bounty hunters. Leo: Did you find anything out? Cole: You have no idea what I found out. Turns out the Source doesn't think she's a white-lighter at all. (He sits on the arm.) In fact, he thinks she might be another Charmed One. That's why he put Shax on it. He thought he ended the Power of Three. Now he's worried that this girl may somehow reconstitute it. Phoebe: No, but that's not possible. Is that possible? (Leo shrugs. Piper begins to take off.) Piper? Cole: Piper? (The others follow her. Piper goes to the attic and goes to the book.) Phoebe: What's going on? Piper: I'm going to ask Grams what's going on, actually. Phoebe: Grams? Piper: Mm-hmm. Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything, she says. So, it's time to summon her transparent butt back here and find out exactly what that reason is. Phoebe: Okay, but what should Piper: "Here these words. Hear my cry spirit from the other side. Come to me, I summon thee. Cross now the Great Divide!" (She lets out a semi-satisfied sigh. Grams appears in a bright light.) Grams: Piper? Why are you calling? P-Phoebe, wha-what's going on? Piper: Grams, why does the Source think that the Charmed Ones can be reconstituted? Grams: I do - I don't know what you're talking about. Piper: You know what, Grams? You were a lousy liar when you were alive, and now as a ghost, you're worse. Phoebe: If you know something, Grams, you have to tell us. We deserve to know. Grams: I can't. I'm sworn to secrecy. Phoebe: By who? Patty: By me. (Patty appears right next to Grams in a bright light.) By me. Piper: Mom? [Cut to downstairs. Cortez and Darryl enter the manor. Cortez is holding a flashlight.] Darryl: You can't just walk in here like this. (Cortez stops.) Cortez: Search warrant says I can. Darryl: What the hell are you looking for? Cortez: Do you really expect me to believe you don't know, Inspector? Follow me and keep your voice down. (He continues searching.) [Cut to Attic. Patty is explaining to her daughters as she paces.] Patty: We didn't tell anybody because we were afraid that there would be reprisals, afraid that, you girls would be dined your powers. Your birthright. It happened after your father and I were divorced, when Sam and I were together. Cole: (To Leo) Sam? Leo: Her white-lighter. Cole: Hmm. Apples don't fall far from the forbidden tree, I see. Piper: Shh! (To Patty) Go on. Patty: You were both toddlers. You just thought Mommy got a little fat. (She smiles.) You never knew I was pregnant. Grams: I was the only one who knew. Patty: And Sam, obviously. Grams: Right. Well, yes, of course. Patty: We wanted to keep the baby, of course. But mother - Grams: Well, I - I knew it would be disastrous. You know, before you and Leo, Piper, it wasn't just forbidden. It was unthinkable for witches to be with white-lighters. I mean, let alone have children with them. Patty: So, that's why we had to - why we decided to give the baby up. Sam and I took her to a local church as soon as she was born. And we asked the nun there to find a home for her, and she found one. A very, very good home. Grams: Yes. Leo: Explains why the Elders didn't know about her. (He looks at the sisters.) Phoebe: All right, hold it. Wait just one minute. Are you telling me, that that girl, our innocent, is really our sister? Patty: Your baby sister. Grams: Their baby half-sister. Patty: But by my half, which makes her a sister witch. Well, actually, not yet anyway. Not until all three of you are here together by the Book. Just like before. Grams: Charmed. Again. Cole: And I thought my family was screwed up. (Piper gives Cole a look. Cortez walks into the attic, seeing the two ghosts there. Everyone is a bit stunned. Darryl is right behind him.) Cortez: Well, I'll be damned. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Attic. Continue from before.] Piper: Darryl, do something! Darryl: He's a cop, Piper. And he's got a search warrant. Cortez: And believe me, I've found what I've been searching for. (Cole moves slightly towards Cortez. He aims his gun at him.) Ah-ah-ah-ah. Don't move. I'll shoot. Cole: Then so will I. Leo: Cole Phoebe: Okay Inspector, just put the gun down. There is a very good explanation for all of this. Feel free to chime in anytime, guys. Cortez: My whole life, I suspected evil magic was real, that there was something more. I've seem too many horrible things in the job to suspect otherwise, not the least of which are the two murders that happened here. Piper: Wait. Are you accusing us? Cortez: I've just begun to accuse you, lady! Grams: All right, fine. You caught us. Congratulations. So what are you gonna do about it? Shoot us? Phoebe: Easy, Grams. Not all of us are dead, remember? Leo: All right, look, you can't arrest us, especially not them. Nobody will ever believe you. Cortez: Maybe not at first. I'm putting this whole place under constant surveillance. I'm taping your every move. Sooner or later, I'll catch you doing something uh, supernatural, and then (Darryl knocks Cortez out with the but of his gun. He falls to the floor.) Darryl: I think you've been through enough today, huh? Piper: Thank you. (Phoebe walks over to Darryl.) Phoebe: Darryl, go, get out of here. We don't want you to take the fall for this. Darryl: No, it's okay. Phoebe: No, it's not. This is our problem. He wants to expose us, not you. Let us take care of this, please? Darryl: If you need me, you know where to find me, huh? (Phoebe nods and turns to Cole. Darryl leaves the manor.) Cole: It doesn't solve your problem. He's gonna wake up eventually. You've just bought yourself some time. Leo: What you're gonna need, especially if you're wanna save your Phoebe: Sister? Grams: Well, what are you waiting for? Just write a spell. Get rid of him. Phoebe: Uh, get rid of him? Grams: Well, you know what I mean. Dump him somewhere. Anywhere. With all the witches in this room, we oughta be able to do something with him. I mean, just start rhyming. Uh, take him back, take him away. Remove him now. Don't let him stay. (She gestures to Phoebe.) Phoebe: Oh. Uh. We call the spirits to help undo and send him off to Timbuktu. (Cortez vanishes from the floor.) Whoa. It worked. Piper: Timbuktu? You sent him to Timbuktu? Phoebe: All right, well, it was the only thing I could think of that rhymed with undo. Cole: Don't worry. Uh, I'll find him. (Cole shimmers out.) Piper: Okay, well this is way too much for me to handle. Way too much. Patty: Nobody can blame you for being angry, sweetie. Piper: Angry? Yeah, I'm angry. Um, I'm confused and you know what? This - this is just crazy. You cannot float in here after all these years and go, "Oh gosh, I forgot, by the way, you've got a sister." Especially not today of all days. Patty: I know it's a lot, sweetie. More than anybody should have to deal with, but you're going to have to deal with it the best way you know how. Losing Prue, learning about another sister... this is your, path. This is your destiny. Get angry at it, cry about it, but don't fight it. Or it'll consume you. Grams: Come on, Patty. The rest is up to them. (Grams and Patty disappear. Piper, Phoebe, Leo head downstairs.) Leo: I can't sense where she is because she's technically not a witch yet. Phoebe: All right, so all we have to go on is that church that Mom mentioned and the nun. Piper: Okay, let's get one thing straight. I am only doing this to save her. I'm not remotely interested in reconstituting...The Charmed Ones. (Piper is cut off to find Paige waiting for them. The door is left open.) Paige: I, the door was open. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here. (Paige turns to leave but Phoebe stops her.) Phoebe: No, no, no. No, no. We were just coming to look for you. Paige: You were? Phoebe: Yep. Come on in. Welcome. I'm Phoebe. And this is... (Phoebe hooks her arm into Paige's and walks over to Piper and Leo.) Paige: Piper. I know. I've been to your club. Pretty great. Piper: Thank you. And you are? Paige: Paige. My name is Paige. Phoebe: Hmm. Another P. Imagine that. Piper: It's nice to meet you. (Piper shakes Paige's hand. A bright blue shines over the girls.) Paige: Okay. What was that? Leo: I think that means you're supposed to be here. (The door slams open and a strong wind knocks Piper, Phoebe, and Paige backwards. Leo is knocked down on the stairs. Shax materializes and walks closer. He is about to strike when Leo jumps on his back.) Run! Get upstairs! Piper: Leo?! (Piper, Phoebe, and Paige run upstairs. Shax throws him off his back and Leo is knocked out. Shax then looks upstairs.) [Cut to attic. Piper, Phoebe, and Paige enter and go to the Book.] Paige: What are we doing? What is that thing? Phoebe: We'll explain later. (Piper flips through the pages of the Book.) Piper: Okay, just say this spell out loud with us, okay? Paige: Spells, what are you guys, witches? Phoebe: And so are you. We hope. Piper: Well, we're about to find out. (The strong wind breaks through the attic door and Shax materializes. The girls recite the vanquishing spell.) Piper, Phoebe, Paige: Evil wind that blows, that which forms below. No longer may you dwell. Death takes you with this spell. (Shax moans in pain as he explodes, vanquished.) Phoebe: It's not enough. Shax was just the messenger. We gotta get the Source. Paige: The Source of what? Piper: Of all evil. Paige: What have you guys turned me into? (Paige turns and runs out the attic and out of the manor.) Piper: Paige? Phoebe: Wait. (Piper and Phoebe start following.)
Plan: A: Leo; Q: Who was able to save Piper? A: their elder sister; Q: Who did Piper and Phoebe lose? A: The Source; Q: Who discovers Paige Matthews? A: Paige Matthews; Q: Who is the half-sister of Prue? A: Sam; Q: Who is Patty's Whitelighter? A: witches; Q: What is the sisters' strength as? A: Shax; Q: What demon must be destroyed to restore the Power of Three? A: A 48 hour window; Q: What threatens the Charmed Ones existence? A: a flaw; Q: What does The Source take advantage of to entice Paige to evil? Summary: Leo was able to save Piper, but was unable to heal Prue. Piper and Phoebe must now deal with the loss of their elder sister and the loss of the Power of Three. However, The Source discovers an unknown half-sister named Paige Matthews, the daughter of Patty and her Whitelighter , Sam, who had been kept hidden. Paige, the now-youngest Halliwell can restore the Power of Three and reunite the sisters' strength as witches. Piper and Phoebe must find Paige to destroy the demon Shax and to stop The Source from getting to her first, allowing them to become once again the Charmed Ones and reconstituting the Power of Three. A 48 hour window threatens the Charmed Ones existence as Paige needs to choose which side she'll serve, a flaw that The Source takes advantage of to entice Paige to evil.
[Scene: Phoebe's loft. Piper blows open the door.] Leo: Piper, you gotta keep it down. (Piper gets the Book. Leo turns the lights on. Piper sits down and looks through the Book. Leo opens a cabinet, takes out a bottle, and dabs it on Piper's wounds.) Well, there's nothing in the Book that can fix this. Piper: No, there's gotta be something. Leo: There's not. And they can't undo what's already been done. (He closes the Book.) Are you sure the boys are okay? Piper: I'm sorry you had to come back to this. (She rests her head on Leo's shoulder.) [Scene: Magic School. Billie runs into the black room.] Billie: Dumain. (He turns around.) Good, you're still here. Dumain: Billie, what happened? Where's Christy? Billie: Oh, she-she's gone. Dumain: What about the Charmed Ones? (Billie shakes her head.) Billie: Piper, Piper's the only one left. I don't understand, you said the Hollow would be enough. Dumain: They got it too. They somehow found out you were going to use it against them, so they summoned it too. It must've split, infected you all. Billie: I just want Christy back. Dumain: You might be able to. You've got the power, Billie. You've projected yourself back into the past before, haven't you? When Christy was young, when she was trapped in that cave? Billie: Well, yeah, but I... Dumain: Then why can't you do it again? Only this time you can go back to change what was, to save her. You trust me, don't you? (Billie nods. Dumain smiles. She rests her head on him.) Opening Credits [Scene: Victor's Condo. Victor makes tea and drinks it. There's a knock on the door. He burns his tongue.] Victor: Mmm, damn. (He opens the door to find Piper.) Oh. Piper: Hi, daddy. (They hug.) Victor: Oh, sweetie, I'm so happy to see you. Wow. (Leo steps in.) Leo! Leo: Hey, Victor. Victor: You're back? (They shake hands.) Well, I don't believe it. This is good, right? (He closes the door.) I mean, everything worked out all right? Piper: Um, maybe you should sit down. Victor: No, I don't want to sit down. What happened? What's going on? Piper: Well, Phoebe and Paige, um, they didn't make it. Victor: What? Piper: But it's okay, I mean, I'm gonna fix it. I don't know how, but I'm going to fix it. (Victor sits down.) Leo: Where's Wyatt and Chris? Victor: Uh, sleeping. (Leo leaves.) Piper: We need to, um, take them someplace, where nobody can find them so we can figure this out, do you understand? (Victor shakes his head.) Victor: No. [Cut to Bedroom. Leo sees his sleeping sons.] Victor: How about the rest of the magical community? (Leo comes back.) W-what about that guy, uh, Coop? Piper: How do you know about Coop? Victor: Well, he was here yesterday, looking for Phoebe. Leo: Who's Coop? Piper: Uh, he's a Cupid...who took Phoebe to see her past loves. Victor: So? Piper: So, maybe he can do the same for us. Coop? If you can hear me, I need to talk to you now. (Coop appears.) Coop: Guys, if this is about Phoebe, she's made it very clear to me about the way that she feels so... Piper: Phoebe's dead. Coop: What? Piper: But if you lend me your ring, I think I can go back in time and save her. It can do that, right? I mean, you can go back in time. Coop: Yeah, to follow love but... Piper: Okay, so hand it over. (He gives her the ring.) Okay, what do I do? Uh, how does it work? Coop: You, uh, just think about that person, and, uh...how much you love them. (Piper nods.) I-I gotta tell you, it doesn't always work that way that you want it to, though, cause love, love isn't practical, it's-it's emotional. Piper: That's okay. It's all I've got. Leo: I'm going with you. (He takes her hand.) I'm not losing you again. Coop: Keep it simple. Just follow your heart to one of them. (Piper closes her eyes.) Piper: Phoebe. (They disappear and reappear in a bedroom at the Manor.) This isn't right. (They hear voices and see Past Victor and Patty in bed, kissing. Piper gasps.) Oh, my God. (Patty spots them and gasps.) Patty: Demons! (She sits up and tries to freeze them, but freezes Leo. She clutches the bed sheet.) Past Victor: What happened? Why didn't she freeze? Patty: I don't know. Piper: Probably because I'm your daughter! (She turns away and covers her eyes.) [Cut to stairs. Patty, Piper, Past Victor, and Leo walk down.] Patty: You must be a pretty powerful witch, you know, to be able to come here from the future. Piper: Oh no, it really didn't have to do with me. It was Coop's ring. Past Victor: Who's Coop, a future son? (Patty laughs.) Piper: No dad. Sorry, all girls. Patty: Oh, you mean it's just you and Prue, huh? Leo: Maybe we shouldn't tell them too much. You know, changing the past might change the future. Piper: Well, we've gotta tell them something. I mean, how are we going to figure out why we're here? Coop'll fix it. (She sees her parents holding hands and laughs. Patty laughs.) Patty: What? Piper: I'm just not used to seeing you guys holding hands, let alone... (She points upstairs.) Never mind. (She turns and steps on a stuffed rabbit. It squeals.) Oh. (She picks it up.) Hey, I remember this. How old am I? I mean now, in your time. Past Victor: Almost three. Piper: So Prue would be five, and Phoebe... Patty: Phoebe? Wait, who's Phoebe? Piper: Not born yet. (To Leo) I don't understand how this happened. I was focusing on Phoebe, and it was supposed to take me back to when she would be alive again. Leo: Well, maybe it did, maybe we just over shot it a little bit. Piper: A little? Try thirty years. (Patty puts a hand on her stomach.) Victor: Wait a minute; I'm still a little new with the witch thing. So, what happened? Piper: Well, we were trying to save Phoebe and Paige... Patty: Paige? Do you mean we have another daughter? (Past Victor and Patty smile.) Piper: Yes, mom, you do. Leo: But the point is-is they died...in a huge battle, and we were trying to go back in time to warn them. Piper: But without the Power of Three, we had to use this. (She points at the ring.) Patty: Wait; did you say the Power of Three? Then, that makes you the Charmed Ones, right? (Piper smiles.) And you all came from me? Piper: Well, yes, so... Patty: So, if I'm the mother of the Charmed Ones, and we could find the grandmother, then maybe we'd be able to recreate the Power of Three, at least in theory. Piper: (to Leo) Do you know what she's talking about? Patty: I'm talking about using our family magic...to get you to where you want to go, instead of that silly ring. Could that thing take us to her? I mean your Grams. Because it'd be faster than driving. (Piper hesitates.) Look, you can't come barging in here from the future and tell me that two of my girls are dead without expecting me to help. So? Let's get going! (Patty places herself between them.) Oh, I'll be right back baby. (She kisses Victor. Piper closes her eyes.) Piper: Hmm, Grams. (Past Victor smiles. They appear in the parlor, but it's different.) Leo: What happened? Patty: Where's Victor? (Piper sees the stuffed rabbit on the table is very old.) Piper: Now where are we? Old Woman: (from other room) Triple word score! Old Man: (from other room) Hold it, that's not spelled right. (They go into the conservatory. An old couple sits at a table playing scramble.) Old Woman: Sure it is. Old Man: No, it's not! Old Woman: No? Is that an official challenge? Piper: Uh, excuse me? (The couple sees them.) Old Man: How do you spell Zankou, with a Z or X? Old Woman: That's cheating. Old Man: I'm not asking you, I'm asking...me. (He points at Leo. His jaw drops.) Well? Leo: Z. Old Leo: Ha! Told you. (Old Woman groans and removes her pieces.) Piper: Uh, are you...? Old Leo: The future you and Leo, yeah. (He chuckles.) And we've been expecting you. Old Piper: Yeah, I baked cookies. (A plate of cookies sits on the table. Leo smiles. Patty smiles.) Commercial [Scene: Manor - future. Piper, Leo, and Patty sit on the sofa. Old Piper sits in the chair.] Piper: I just don't understand how... Old Piper: You were aiming for Grams, but you weren't specific enough. So you came to the future, where you're the Grams instead. (She chuckles.) And...here I am. Piper: Wait a minute. I'm a grandmother? Old Piper: Blows your mind, doesn't it? Mom? (Patty chuckles.) Piper: Uh, yeah. (Old Leo enters with a plate and glass of water.) Leo: All right, hold on, I don't understand how you know all this stuff, and how did you know we would come? Old Leo: Because fifty years ago, we were sitting there, where you're sitting, talking to our future selves. Old Piper: That's why we were expecting you. Now, you sure you don't want some cookies? Piper: Uh, no. I think I'd rather have aspirin. Old Leo: Like she said... (He gives Piper the plate with aspirin and the water.) We were expecting you. (He goes and sits next to Old Piper.) You remember when we were them? Oh, kicking butt, fighting demons. Old Piper: Losing you, getting you back, losing you again, aye. Old Leo: And it was all worth it. Old Piper: Oh, you bet. Patty: Oh, that's so sweet! Piper: Mm-hmmm, you know what? I'm just not quite ready for all of this. Besides, we need to get back... Pipers: To save Phoebe and Paige... Old Piper: Right, and the only way you're gonna be able to do that, is if you.... Old Leo: Ah, don't say too much Hon. We don't want them to mess up the future. Piper: Well, isn't it already messed up? Old Leo: Oh, no. Not yet. Oh, and the future is worth saving, believe me. Old Piper: You keep using the ring; focus on who you want to go to with our heart, not with your head. Old Leo: That way you'll get to your Grams, and then to Phoebe and Paige. Patty: But what do we do when we get there? How do we save them? Old Piper: You get rid of the Hollow together. (The ring glows and they appear in the conservatory's past.) Patty: I think we're back in my time. Grams: (from other room) You want another tissue? Little Piper: (from other room) No, I'm okay. (They go to the living room to find Grams sitting with Little Piper.) Grams: Well, you're more than okay, sweetie. You're very, very special and you need to know that. Little Piper: Not as special as Prue, or even Phoebe. Everyone likes Phoebe. Grams: But you're special in your own way, Piper. I mean, you're kind and caring, you're the best little helper I've got. Plus, you are the only one who can keep your sisters from killing each other half the time. (Both Pipers smile.) And you may not know it yet, but you've got gifts. The most-the most amazing gifts, and someday, those gifts are gonna make you even more special. Little Piper: How? Grams: Well, you'll see. (She chuckles and gives Little Piper a hug. Piper smiles.) Now, run on upstairs and play with your sisters, okay? While I make dinner. Little Piper: Okay. (She leaves. Patty brushes Piper's hair.) Patty: You loved your Grams. (Grams stands up.) Grams: Who's there? Patty: It's okay mom. It's just me. Piper: Oh, no. Mom... Grams: Patty? (Patty smiles.) Patty: Mm-hmm. (Grams faints.) Mom! Oh, what happened? (She kneels down to check Grams.) Why'd she faint? Piper: Oh, well, probably because you're dead. [Scene: Magic School.] Dumain: All you need to do is focus on saving your sister, which means focusing on the battle. Let's try again. (Billie sits in a circle of lit candles.) Clear you mind of everything else, from all that has happened since. (Billie closes her eyes.) Let go of the pain of loss, because where you're going that hasn't happened yet. Think only of Christy. See her at your side. You want to save her more than anything else. And that's what you're going to do. That's it. You're almost there. Now go, project yourself back to the Triad. (Billie opens her eyes.) Billie: The Triad? (She stands.) What the hell are you talking about? Are you trying to trick me? Dumain: Wha-no! Of course not! Billie: Then what was that? You said I was going back to see my sister. Dumain: You're right. I should have told you. Billie: Should've told me what? What's going on? Dumain: What's going on is that if you don't go back to warn the Triad about the battle, they won't be able to stop it, which means they'll still be killed and so will your sister! Billie: So, you're saying the Triad was still alive? (Dumain rolls his eyes.) Dumain: More or less. Billie: And you didn't tell me? So you've been manipulating me this entire time, and Christy too? Dumain: Christy understands exactly what is going on. Billie: And what might that be? Dumain: Why don't you go back and ask her yourself? Then maybe you'll understand too. [Cut to Past Manor. Patty tends Grams on the couch. Leo watches. Piper comes with a glass of water.] Piper: How is she? Leo: I think she's coming to. Piper: No, I meant mom. Leo: Oh, I think it's more information overload than anything else. Piper: Yeah, well, welcome to the club. (She sighs.) What's wrong? Leo: Nothing. (Piper smiles.) I just, uh, I was thinking about: after you guys say the spell to get rid of the Hollow. Piper: Well, hopefully it'll work. Leo: Yeah, if it does, it means everyone's gonna come back to life, including Billie and Christy. Piper: Not for long, not if I have my way. Leo: Uh, until you do it means the ultimate battle wouldn't have been fought yet, which means the Angel of Destiny might take me away again until it is. Piper: Listen, all I know is that we will be playing Scrabble in the future, and I'm pretty sure you will be losing. (Leo smiles. Grams wakes up.) Grams: Oh, what happened? Where am I? Patty: You're okay, mom. You just fainted. Grams: Well, of course I fainted. You're dead. Patty: Oh, yeah. I know, they just told me. (Piper and Leo come over.) Piper: Hi. Grams: And who are you? Piper: Well, believe it or not, I am Piper, from the future, and this is my lovely husband Leo from the future as well. Patty: But I'm from the past, obviously. Grams: I need a drink. (She stands.) Patty: Oh, mom. Piper: Okay, Grams, relax. I know this is all very complicated, but we don't have time to explain. Something very bad has happened in the future and we need your help to fix it. Patty: We have to save her sisters, mom. We have to save the Charmed Ones. (Grams sits.) Grams: The Charmed Ones? Patty: Mm-hmm. Grams: You become the Charmed Ones? Piper: Hmm. (She nods. Grams stands up.) Grams: What do we have to do? (Piper smiles.) [Scene: Magic School. Billie sits in the circle of candles.] Billie: Christy...Christy...Christy. (She appears in the past. Billie opens her eyes and stands up to see Past Billie and Christy come down.) Whoa, w-w-w-wait. Past Billie: Who are you? Billie: Well, I'm from the future, I came back to warn you-me, not to do this. No, no, I'm serious, you're gonna get yourself killed. This is not going to work. (Past Billie blasts her. She hits the wall. They leave. Billie groans.) [Cut to downstairs. Past Billie and Christy come downstairs. The Charmed Ones orb in.] Past Billie: We've been waiting for you. Paige: Well, the wait is over. Past Piper: No potions, huh? Christy: We don't need any potions. Phoebe: Funny, neither do we. Past Piper: (to Christy) I knew we shouldn't' have trusted you. Christy: You should've followed your instincts. Past Piper: Next time. Past Billie: There won't be a next time. (Piper, Leo, Patty, and Grams appear in the dining room. The sisters throw power and energy at the other one. Piper opens a piece of paper and she, Patty, and Grams chant the spell. The Hollow leaves. The sisters spot them.) Past Piper: What the-? Piper: Don't ask. You'll get a headache. (Billie comes downstairs. She is sucked into Past Billie. Piper is sucked into Past Piper.) Grams: Now, there's something you don't see every day. Paige: What is going on? Leo: Looks like time caught up with itself. Phoebe: How did everybody get here? Piper: Well, actually you have Coop to thank for that. Christy: (to Billie) What happened, what went wrong? Billie: Not here. (She throws a potion at their feet and they disappear.) Piper: Oh, damn it. Leo: It's okay, at least Phoebe and Paige are alive. Patty: Right, but where's Prue? Piper: Oh, mom. Not now. (A ball of light comes down and the Angel of Destiny appears.) Angel of Destiny: I'm sorry, but I have no choice. Piper: Wait, but I... (She disappears with Leo.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Paige sit across from Piper, Patty, and Grams sitting on the couch.] Phoebe: Okay, so let me get this straight. Because you guys...altered a key moment in time by saving us... Grams: And the manor. Phoebe: Right, because of all that, what is supposed to happen after this - what? Won't happen? Patty: Exactly, that kind of makes this the new present. Paige: Says the woman from the past. Grams: Though a different past than mine. Phoebe: (to Paige) Are you getting any of this? (Paige sighs.) Paige: Whatever, as long as we're alive again, that's all I care about. Plus, it's really nice to see you guys again. (Patty smiles.) Patty: Actually, we've never met. Paige: Yeah, we have, but you were a ghost. (Patty's face falls.) Oh, does she know? Grams: Yes, yes, we know, we're both dead by now. We're over it. Patty: Well, you speak for yourself. (Piper stands up.) Piper: Okay, the problem is we're still right back to where we started with Leo, and if I'm gonna have that future, that I saw with him... Phoebe: Wait, you went to the future too? Paige: We sure did miss a lot when we were dead. Piper: Anyway, the point is, if I'm gonna get my husband back, we have a battle to finish. Phoebe: And we're gonna have to get mom home safely. Otherwise Paige and I won't be born. Patty: Good point. Paige: Well, fantastic, are there any other problems we should be worrying about? (Future Wyatt and Chris appear.) Phoebe: Wyatt! Piper: Chris. What are you two doing here? Chris: Somebody just screwed up our future. [Scene: Street. Billie and Christy walk down.] Christy: We're gonna need Dumain's help if we're gonna finish what we started. Billie: Haven't you been listening to me? He's been manipulating us, probably since we met him. Christy: If we could just get to the Hollow sooner this time... Billie: Christy, listen. Christy: Figure out a way. Billie: What is the matter with you? Dumain is using us, okay? And he's not the only one, the Triad is also. Yes, that's right, they're still alive, or they were, but Dumain didn't tell us that did he? Instead he tried to trick me into saving them instead of you. Christy: Well, maybe you should've listened to him. Billie: What? Christy: The Triad could've helped us figure out how to kill the sisters if they were still around. Billie: Okay, look at me, listen to me very carefully. They don't care about us. They have twisted everything. They're using us, Christy. They're using us for our powers, our sisterhood, and our lives so all we can do is kill. Christy: And that's exactly what we're going to do, Billie. We're going to kill. Billie: Well I can't do it. I won't. Christy: Then I'll do it on my own. (She leaves.) Billie: Christy! [Scene: Manor.] Chris: I mean, we don't know what happened. One minute everything's fine. We're kicking demon ass, and... Wyatt: Actually, I was kicking some demon ass... (Chris scoffs and shakes his head. Grams points at them.) Grams: Watch your language. Chris: Sorry, Grams. Wyatt: Wait, Grams? As in the Grams? (Chris nods.) Chris: Yeah. (Grams smiles.) Patty: Uh, confused. Are these my future grandkids or yours? Phoebe: No, yours. (Patty smiles.) Patty: Oh, hi. (Chris and Wyatt smile and wave back.) Piper: As you were saying. Wyatt: Suddenly, in the middle of all the fighting, everything changed. Chris: And the demons started kicking our ass-butts... (Grams nods.) Butts, just because Wyatt here lost his powers. Piper: Wait, how did you loose your powers? Wyatt: That's the thing. We don't know. Chris: So we cast a spell to take us back to when they were lost, and it took us here. To you. (Wyatt nods.) Patty: Maybe we messed up something without realizing it. Grams: Well, with all the jumping around we've done, it's a wonder everything's not messed up. Piper: No, it's gotta be Billie and Christy. They used the Hollow to steal his powers. I'm gonna kill them. (Phoebe shakes her head.) Paige: Well, before you do that, we need to get Wyatt's powers back. Otherwise there's not going to be any future to save. Phoebe: Well, I think the only way to do that is go back and stop them. Grams: But how do we know exactly when to go back to? Wyatt: I'll know, or at least I'm hoping little Wyatt might jog my memory. Piper: Well, he's at dad's. I mean, grandpa's. Um, do you remember how to get there? (Chris nods.) Chris: Yeah, absolutely. (Patty smiles and stands.) Patty: I'll go, too. Phoebe: Um, but dad's gonna be there. Patty: I know. I miss him. Besides, I'm dying to know what he looks like at this age. Whoo. Piper: She, uh, doesn't know. Grams: Apparently I hadn't chased him away yet. Patty: What are you talking...? (Patty groans.) What don't I know? Piper: All right, everybody go, but just, you know, hurry back if you find anything. (Patty smacks Grams, then joins the boys. Coop appears.) Coop: (to Piper) Hey. (He spots Phoebe.) Phoebe. Phoebe: Hi. Coop: Thanks a lot for telling me she's alive. (Piper hands Coop's ring.) Piper: You're welcome. Wyatt: Uncle Coop! (Chris whacks Wyatt on his arm. Wyatt gasps and covers his mouth.) Phoebe: Uncle Coop? (Wyatt groans.) Piper: What? (Coop shrugs. Phoebe stutters. Piper claps her hands.) All right, everybody out, go! (Wyatt and Chris hold Patty and orb out. Piper stands up.) Okay, let's go to the condo, and get to the Book. (Grams stands up.) Grams: Wait for me. Coop: Wai... (Paige orbs them out.) [Scene: Victor's Condo. Victor makes tea and drinks it. There's a knock on the door. He burns his tongue.] Victor: Mmm, damn. (He opens the door and finds Patty there. He screams.) Patty: Oh, surprise! (She jumps into his arms and gives him a hug.) Oh my-oh, goodness! Oh, you're just as handsome as you ever were. (Wyatt and Chris step in.) Victor: W-w-what's going on? Chris: Hey Gramps, how you doing? Victor: Chris! (He smiles and they hug.) Uh, what are you doing here? Wyatt: Hey Grandpa, how you doing? (Wyatt gives him a hug.) Patty: Now, this is our grandson, Wyatt. Oh! So handsome. Victor: But I-I'm-I'm, I'm, I'm-I'm so confused. Patty: Yeah, you'll get over it. I did. Victor: Where did you came from? Patty: 1975. How do I look? Victor: Didn't anyone tell her we're divorced? Patty: What? (She sees Wyatt trying to signal Victor to stop.) Victor: You dumped me for your Whitelighter. Patty: Oh, Sam? Victor: Yeah, Sam, Paige's father. Chris: Listen Gramps, we're in a bit of a jam. Where's little Wyatt? Victor: He's in the other room, with uh, with you. Wyatt: Thanks. (Chris and Wyatt leave. Victor gives Patty a hug.) Victor: Oh, come on, Patty. It's all right. It was a long time ago. [Scene: Magic School. Dumain talks to Christy.] Dumain: What do you mean Billie's not coming? We need her. Christy: We can defeat the Charmed Ones without her. Dumain: No, we can't. We need the Triad to do that, and we need her power to go back and save them. Christy: Well, maybe there's another way. [Scene: Phoebe's Condo. Piper tosses something into the pot. Grams and Paige are there.] Grams: Mm, that's not nearly enough. Here, let me do it. (She pushes Piper out of the way.) Piper: Wha-I think I know how to do it, after all this time. (Grams add something in.) Paige: It's Billie and Christy, they're not demons. Grams: Well, they might as well be, from everything you've told me, which means we can't take any chances. Oh, I can't get over how big this Book has gotten, hmm. I'm so proud of you girls. Piper: Then why don't you let me stir? (There's a knock at the door.) Grams: Uh, Piper, why don't you get that? Piper: Paige, why don't you get that? Paige: Okay, I'll get that. (She goes to the door and opens it to find Henry there.) Paige: Hey! What are you doing here? Henry: What am I doing here? (She hugs him.) I'm looking for my wife. She didn't come home last night. Are you okay? Paige: Yes, I'm okay. Of course I'm okay. I mean, weren't okay, okay. But now we're okay...and I think in the future we're gonna be... (She nods.) I think we're gonna be more than okay. (Henry stares.) Henry: Okay. [Cut to living room.] Grams: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter, too. Piper: Worse, a mortal. Grams: Oh, good God, uh. Didn't I teach you girls anything? Piper: Hey, what can I say? There's always Uncle Coop. (She motions to the bedroom.) [Cut to bedroom. Phoebe and Coop are talking.] Phoebe: I really should be out there helping them. Coop: No, not until we talk. Phoebe: Look there are lives at stake here, and... Coop: And so is love, ours. I let you kick me out of here yesterday. I'm not doing it again today. And you know why? Because I love you, Phoebe Halliwell. (He put his hands on her shoulders.) With all of my heart, with every fiber my being, I love you. Now I've found love for thousands of people all over the world, but I have never found love for myself, not until now. Until you. And I-I-I know you feel the same way, because I can see it, I know what loves looks like. And I am not letting this get away from us, Phoebe. Phoebe: Apparently not, Uncle Coop. Coop: Yeah. Phoebe: Look. I don't know what you want me to do with this information. I mean, we haven't even been out on a date yet, and I don't know how to get past the whole forbidden love thing. I just... Piper: (from other room) Phoebe? Phoebe: I'm-I have to go. I will call you, when we need the ring back. (She sighs. Phoebe leaves. Coop sighs. Dumain shimmers in and grabs Coop's arm.) Dumain: Nice ring. Can I borrow it? (They shimmer out.) [Scene: Manor. Living room. Grams, with the Book, and the sisters orb in.] Paige: Okay, all we need to do now is find Billie and Christy. (Billie steps in.) Billie: You don't have to look far. Can we talk? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor.] Billie: Look. I am so sorry for what I've done to you guys, after everything you've done for me. I just wanted my sister back so badly. I couldn't even see that she was manipulating me. Piper: Well, that's very convenient, but how are supposed to know this isn't a trap? (Billie shakes her head.) Paige: Guess we have to let her talk. Phoebe: Where's Christy? Billie: I don't know. Probably at Magic School trying to figure out a way to kill you. Grams: But you're not. Billie: No. No. That was before. (Grams puts the Book down.) They twisted everything to make us think we were doing the right thing. Piper: Who? Billie: The Triad. They used us. They used Christy. They have spent the last fifteen years turning her into a killer. That's all they've cared about that's all they've wanted. Phoebe: We've already vanquished the Triad. Billie: Well, Dumain will try and find a way to bring them back. I know it. Paige: Who's Dumain? Billie: He's a demon, but he knows them better than anyone, and with Christy...they will stop at nothing. Wyatt: (from another room) Mom, are you here? Piper: Keep and eye on her. (She goes to the conservatory. Wyatt and Chris are there. The others follow.) Piper: Where's mom? I mean, grandma? Wyatt: She wanted to stay with grandpa to talk. Grams: Well, that had better be all that they're doing. Piper: What did you find? Chris: Well, Grandpa said that someone came and picked up little Wyatt, just before five in the afternoon yesterday. Wyatt: Some man, but that's all I could go out of him. Phoebe: Wait, what man? Billie: Dumain. He brought Wyatt to Christy and me to summon the Hollow. Paige: And then you stole his powers. Billie: We were being infected. We didn't have a choice. Piper: You used my son? Grams: That is all in the past, dear. Now let's just focus...on how to fix it now, okay? Phoebe: Okay, so we have to go back in time to the day Dumain took Wyatt. Billie: No, we have to go before that. I know him. He's gonna warn the Triad before you can vanquish them. Paige: Then you have to get the ring. Phoebe: Coop? Coop? We need you. (Nothing happens.) Something's wrong. (Chris and Wyatt sighs.) Piper: What? Chris: The Elders sent Coop down to you, Phoebe, not just to help you find love, but to help you find him. Wyatt: They were hoping you'd fall in love with a Cupid. It was the only way that they could make it up to you after everything you sacrificed. Chris: And they weren't gonna put you through what mom and dad went through, so... Wyatt: It wasn't and it will not be a forbidden love. Phoebe: Okay. Uh-I don't know how that information helps us right now. Wyatt: Well, in the future, when you're together, you guys are like one. Chris: All you have to do is think about him and he's there. (Phoebe closes his eyes. Coop appears, groaning in pain.) Phoebe: Oh, my God. What happened? (Wyatt and Phoebe help Coop up.) Coop: I fought him for as long as I could. Phoebe: Okay, who did this to you? Coop: Some demon. I'm sorry he, uh, he took my ring. Billie: We're too late. They're going back in time. But I can too. [Scene: Magic School, Black room. Past Dumain is talking to the Triad. Dumain and Christy appear.] Asmodeus: What? Dumain: My lords. We come from the future to warn you about it. The Charmed Ones are going to get the Hollow at the same time Billie and Christy will. Christy: Which means we've gotta get to it before they do this time. (The Charmed Ones and Billie appear.) Dumain: Get out of here! (The Charmed Ones throw potions at them, vanquishing them.) Dumain: Noooo! Piper: Oh, yes. (Piper blows up Dumain. Christy gasps and steps back. Past Dumain is about to shimmer out, but Piper blows him up.) Christy: I don't understand! How could this happen? Phoebe: Billie projected us here. Paige: By focusing on you. Piper: Paige. Paige: Ring! (Coop's ring orbs to her.) Christy: How could you? Billie: Christy, please. It's over. Just come home. (Christy throws a fireball at them. Billie deflects it back to Christy. She's vanquished. Billie falls to her knees and cries.) Commercial [Scene: Manor, Conservatory. Grams paces. The Charmed Ones appears.] Grams: Oh, thank God. Piper: Is everything all right? Did anything change that wasn't supposed to? Wyatt: Nope. (He orbs to Piper.) I got my powers back. Piper: I see that. Chris: Now, where's Billie? Paige: She used her own power to get back. Coop: But she at least tried to help out, right? I mean, tried to make amends at least. Phoebe: Yeah. (The Angel of Destiny appears with Leo. He and Piper exchange a smile.) Piper: Okay, hang on a second. You're not gonna take him away again right? Angel of Destiny: No, this is the way the battle was supposed to end all along, and it's over. Congratulations. (She disappears. Leo takes Piper's hand.) Piper: (to Leo) Hi, there. (He pulls her into a kiss. Everyone cheers and applauds.) Phoebe: Yay! (Coop opens his arms. He and Phoebe kiss. Piper and Leo hug and laugh. Patty and Victor enter with little Wyatt and little Chris.) Patty: Did we miss anything? Piper: Uh, no. Well, we...changed the past, fixed the future, and saved the present. That's all. Victor: What's that? Paige: Yeah. If you haven't figured it out by now, ya probably won't. Phoebe: Oh, it doesn't matter. Just as long as everything's back to the way it's supposed to be. Grams: It will be if you get us back. I mean otherwise, uh... Paige: How are we gonna get them back? Coop: Oh, I can take care of that. Phoebe: Yeah, but how will you know where to take them back to? Coop: Well, the ring will. (to Piper) If I can ever get it back. (He winks. Piper rolls her eyes and throws the ring at Coop. He catches it and laughs.) Chris: Just make sure you return them just before they were taken. That way they won't remember anything. (Chris groans.) Grams: Oh, no, don't-don't do that. I mean, there are so many things, wonderful things that I just don't want to forget, you know. (She giggles. Chris shakes his head.) Patty: There's just as much I don't ever want to know. (She sighs.) Like what happened to Prue. Victor told me. Piper: Oh, mom. Patty: That's all right. I know everything happens for a reason. I believe that. I also know that when one door closes another one opens. Victor: (to Patty) Thank you for coming by. Patty: Anytime. (Victor kisses her forehead. Piper and Leo kiss. Paige hugs Patty. Chris gives Grams a hug. Victor hugs Piper. Wyatt hugs Leo. Coop, Phoebe, Grams, and Chris go in a group hug. Leo hugs Victor. Everyone laughs and mixes.) [Scene: Manor. Dinning room. Phoebe and Paige sit there. Piper comes downstairs and puts the Book on the table.] Paige: Don't tell me we have to go fight a demon. Piper: No, I don't think we'll have to do that anytime soon. Phoebe: Then what's with the Book? Piper: Well, I think we should write everything down. Everything that happened, everything we want future generations to know, so that we can pass it down, just like it was passed down to us. (Phoebe smiles. Paige nods.) Paige: After you. (Piper turns the Book. Phoebe finds a blank page and uncaps a pen, then writes.) Phoebe: (Voice Over) So much has happened over the last eight years. So much has been gained and lost. Still, in some ways, I feel like my life is really just beginning. [Scene: Magic School, future. The Angel of Destiny is marrying Phoebe and Coop with the family around.] Angel of Destiny: Do you, Phoebe Halliwell, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Phoebe: I do. Phoebe: (Voice Over) And it was. For though I had loved before, I'd never really known love until I met Coop. (She and Coop kiss.) [Scene: Phoebe's loft. Phoebe, pregnant, rushes out with Coop.] Phoebe: (Voice Over) A man who I shared this special little girl... Phoebe: Yes, I am okay. (Coop picks up a bag.) Phoebe: (Voice Over) I had long ago foreseen, but feared I might have never have. (Two girls run and hug her.) Daughters: Mommy, we love you! Phoebe: I love you too. (She kisses their heads. Coop joins them.) Phoebe: (Voice Over) Along with two other special little girls, I had not foreseen. (The girls go to Billie as Phoebe and Coop rush out. Phoebe drops something, but Coop picks it up.) I was suddenly so blessed to have a new family of my own, and old friends to share it with. (Billie hugs the girls and they wave.) Daughter: Bye, mommy! [Scene: Bay Mirror. Phoebe types on her computer.] Phoebe: (Voice Over) And though I kept working and giving advice to those who asked, I was more interested in helping them find love, since, finally, having been loved. (Her poster behind her says Phoebe's 'Finding Love.') [Cut to Manor, Present. Dining room. Paige writes in the Book of Shadows.] Paige: (Voice Over) Phoebe had become somewhat of an expert on the subject. As for me? Life without demons opened up similar avenues. [Scene: Police Station, Future. Henry brings in a teen.] Paige: (Voice Over) Henry of course, continued to look after his parolees, even if they didn't want to be looked after... (Henry sees Paige and the kids, a boy and two girls.) While still making time to help me with little Henry and the twins. (He kneels down and the kids hug him. They squeal with delight.) Henry: There's my girls! Paige: (Voice Over) Which allowed me time to finally embrace my inner Whitelighter. [Scene: Alley. A Darklighter fires a crossbow at Paige as a woman cowers behind her.] Paige: Arrow! (She orbs it back to the Darklighter and he is vanquished. Paige helps the girl up.) Paige: (Voice Over) And to help the next generation of witches come into their own. [Cut to Manor, Present. Piper writes.] Piper: (Voice Over) So that Paige could pass on all that she'd learned, not just to her own children, or to mine, or to Phoebe's... [Scene: Manor, future. Piper and Leo are in the parlor. Piper hands out lunch bags to two boys and a girl.] Piper: See you later. (The children leave. Piper and Leo kiss.) Piper: (Voice Over) But to other future witches and Whitelighters as well. [Scene: Manor. Chris and Wyatt are mixing up a potion.] Piper: (Voice Over) Which filled the time between when we were doing the fighting, and when our kids were old enough to take over. (Chris adds something and there's a small explosion.) [Scene: Manor, kitchen. Piper is cooking something on the stove.] Piper: (Voice Over) Allowing me time to get back to my roots and cook something other than potions, for once. (Piper tastes the sauce.) And open the restaurant I'd always dreamed of owning. (She puts the spoon down and pours it in.) As for Leo, after we reclaimed Magic School... [Scene: Magic School. Leo is teaching.] Piper: (Voice Over) He went back to teaching. Leo: So who'd like to try it first? (The kids raise their hands. Leo points to a boy. The boy holds out his hand and orbs a book to him.) Piper: (Voice Over) Which he continued to do until it was time to retire. Leo: Awesome. Great job, Matthew. (He takes the book.) Piper: (Voice Over) And although we certainly had our struggles... [Scene: Manor, Living room, future. Old Piper sits in a chair with a girl, reading the Book of Shadows.] Old Piper: And heartaches over the years, we're a family of survivors and we will always be. Which is why we've truly been Charmed. Girl: Again, Grandmamma, again. (Old Piper chuckles and closes the Book.) Old Piper: Oh, dear. No, I can't. I need to rest. But you can look at it for a little while if you'd like, hmmm? (She kisses her head and stands up. Old Leo waits nearby.) After all, it'll be yours one day. (She takes Leo's hand and they head upstairs. Girl opens the Book.) [Cut to stairs. Old Leo and Old Piper head up as photos are shown of Wyatt, Chris, Leo, Piper, Grams, Patty, Victor, and the sisters.] [Cut to front door. It opens and children run in. Girl waves her hand after they come in and the door is closed.]
Plan: A: Coop's ring; Q: What helps Piper and Leo travel back in time? A: time; Q: What must Piper and Leo travel back to change the events that led to the deaths of Phoebe and Paige? A: Phoebe; Q: Who marries Coop? A: Patty; Q: Who is the other sister that comes back from different times to help recreate the Power of Three? A: different times; Q: Where did Grams and Patty come from? A: Wyatt; Q: Whose power was stolen by Billie and Christy? A: Wyatt's power; Q: What is Chris and Wyatt trying to save? A: Billie; Q: Who accidentally kills Christy? A: the past; Q: Where do Piper and Leo meet their old selves? A: Piper and Leo; Q: Who have a daughter and a granddaughter? A: the future; Q: Where does the reflection of the sisters show the next generation? A: a fire ball; Q: What does Christy launch at the sisters? A: three; Q: How many daughters does Phoebe and Coop have? A: labour; Q: What does Phoebe go into for the third time? A: twin girls; Q: What did Paige and Henry have? A: Henry Jr. Leo; Q: Who becomes the headmaster of Magic School? A: Whitelighter; Q: What is Paige's profession? A: a family woman; Q: What other role does Paige have in the film? A: her deceased sister; Q: Who is Prudence named after? A: telekinesis; Q: What magic does Prudence use to close the door? A: Prue Halliwell; Q: Who does Prudence resemble? A: The final scene; Q: When does the manor's front door close while the triquetra appears on the screen? A: the triquetra; Q: What appears on the screen as the manor's front door closes? Summary: Reeling from the death of her sisters, Piper along with Leo, using the help of Coop's ring, must travel back in time to change the events that lead to the deaths of Phoebe and Paige, encountering Grams and Patty, who come back from different times to help recreate the Power of Three. Grown up Chris and Wyatt are also transported to help save Wyatt's power, which was stolen by Billie and Christy. While in the past, Piper and Leo meet their old selves, indicating that the future looks bright for them. Meanwhile, Billie also tries to go back in time, and finally realizes the truth in what her sister has become. Billie comes back seeking the help of the sisters to change her sister but when Christy launches a fire ball at the sisters, Billie deflects it and accidentally kills Christy. At the end, the sisters write down a reflection of what has happened in the years and it shows the future where the next generation. In conclusion, Phoebe marries Coop and they have three daughters, in which Billie looks after the first two when Phoebe goes into labour for a third time. Paige and Henry have twin girls and then Henry Jr. Leo becomes the headmaster of Magic School, Paige continues to juggle being a Whitelighter and a family woman, and Piper and Leo are seen to have had a daughter and their granddaughter whose name is Prudence (after her deceased sister) closes the door with telekinesis just like Prue Halliwell . The final scene shows the manor's front door closing while the triquetra appears on the screen.
Teleplay by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman Story by: Wil Calhoun [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey, what's going on? Chandler: Hey. Ross: I found a note on my door, "Come to Monica's quick, bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar." Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah I'll take that. Ross: What's up? Chandler: Monica and I are engaged. Ross: Oh my God. (Hugs Chandler.) Congratulations. Chandler: Thanks. Ross: Where is she? [Cut to Monica out on the balcony.] Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) I'm engaged!!!!!! I'm engaged!!!! [Cut back inside.] Joey: Yeah, she's been out there for twenty minutes, I'm surprised you didn't hear her on the way over. Ross: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "I'm gay! I'm gay!" Can I bring her in? Phoebe: Oh no, let her stay out there. It's sweet. [Cut to Monica.] Monica: I'm getting married!!!! I'm gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because I'm engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why don't you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancée will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20! [Cut back inside.] Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. I'll be in the closet. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from earlier, everyone is now in the living room drinking champagne.] Monica: Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! (Bangs on her class with a spoon to make a toast.) Okay, umm, I just wanna say that...I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. (Chandler clears his throat.) Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit! Chandler: It's okay, I want this to be your night too. (Raises his class.) To Monica. Monica: Awww, come on-wait-stop it. Okay, to Monica. Chandler: To Monica! (They all say to Monica, clink their glasses, and drink.) Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, y'know, I'm kinda musical. Rachel: Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt she's even had time to... Phoebe: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment? Rachel: (To Monica) Yeah, you're on your own. Monica: Y'know what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza. (They all agree and start to go and get ready.) Joey: But I-I-I can't stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I'm supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What? Chandler: So when you said, "Get up early," did you mean 1986? Joey: You guys don't think I look 19? (A brief silence ensues.) Phoebe: Oh, 19! We thought you said 90! (They all politely laugh and stop just as quickly.) Monica: Okay everybody, let's go! Let's go! Rachel: Okay. Chandler: Okay. (They all leave and Joey comes back in quickly.) Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here? Phoebe: Oh honey no, you ate it all. Joey: I was afraid of that. (Walks out and after he closes the door Phoebe turns around and takes a bite out of what is left of his candy bar.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, they're getting ready.] Monica: (looking at her hand) Y'know what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) You're not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.) Chandler: Know what I mean? Monica: Yeah, but I don't think we have time. Chandler: There's gonna be a wedding. You're gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress. Monica: (lustily) Let's do it! (She kisses him and they fall back onto the bed.) [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.] Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it! Chandler: (motioning with his hands) I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.) Phoebe: Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. (Singing) "First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay. But here I am singing on his wedding day!" Monica: Phoebe! Phoebe: If you would've let me finish, it goes on to say that he's probably not gay. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is looking at the foosball table.] Chandler: Sure, you guys don't have this problem, you're made of wood. (Rachel comes out of the bathroom) Hey! Rachel: Hey! Chandler: You look great! Rachel: (quietly) Oh, thanks. Chandler: You okay over there? Rachel: I don't know, y'know? I feel a little umm... No, y'know what? Never mind, I'm gonna be fine. Chandler: Oh, don't worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody. [Rachel exits into the hallway just as Ross is coming up the stairs.] Ross: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Ross: Wow! Happy Monica's night! Rachel: Well thank you, you too. Ross: Thanks. Rachel: Hey, do you believe this? Do you believe they are actually getting married? Ross: Well sure. But I get married all the time so... Rachel: Oh... Ross: You okay? Rachel: Yeah, I guess. I-I... I mean, do-do you think we're ever gonna have that? Ross: You mean, we-you and me? Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, no, no! We, you with someone and me with someone. Ross: Oh good, you scared me for a minute. Rachel: Shake it off. Ross: I mean-no, it's just 'cause, it's just 'cause you and I were like a nightmare. (Screams.) No, but there was some good times. Rachel: No, absolutely. Y'know like it was umm... Ross: Surely you can think of something good. Rachel: Yeah, just give me a minute! (Thinking) Oh well, yes, I can think of one good thing. Ross: What? Rachel: Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff. Ross: Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh? Rachel: Uh-hmm, uh-hmm, yeah, yeah, I really liked your hands. Ross: My hands? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: Yeah? Rachel: Uh-huh. Ross: (to his hands) Way to go guys. Y'know, you-you were really good at the stuff too. Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, y'know what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had a bonus night! Ross: A what? Rachel: Y'know, bonus night. Y'know, when two people break up but they get back together for just one night. Ross: One night, just-just s*x. No strings attached? Rachel: Yeah-yeah, we never had that, Ross: No. [Silence.] Ross: Okay, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, I'm-I'm sure it would be amazing but I...gotta say I really-really don't think it would be a good idea. Y'know? I really, really...don't. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (he's in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. He's got the wool cap, he's got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and he's got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like they're from the inner-city.] Joey: 'Sup? 'Sup dude? Chandler: (putting his hands up) Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me. Joey: So you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack! Playstation is whack! 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?! Chandler: Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19. Joey: Come on man, really how old?! Chandler: Young! You're a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybody's ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear! Joey: Wow thanks! (He goes into his bedroom and closes the door.) Chandler: Joe? Joey: Yeah! Chandler: Uh, you've had a lot of s*x right? Joey: When? Today? Some, not a lot. Chandler: Well, it's just the reason that I'm asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable to-I mean I really wanted to, but I couldn't.... There huh-hmm, there-there was an incident. Joey: Don't worry about that man, that happens. Chandler: It's happened to you? Joey: Yeah! Once. Chandler: Well, what'd you do? Joey: I did it anyway. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the living room and Phoebe is in her room.] Monica: Phoebe! Come on! Let's go! (Knocks on her door.) Come on! (Phoebe enters with guitar and not ready to go.) Why aren't you dressed yet?! Phoebe: I'm sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.) Monica: (grabs the guitar away from her) No, Phoebe, I'll tell you what, if you get ready now I'll let you play it at the wedding. Phoebe: Really?! Oh that's so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again I'll have to pound on you for a little bit. Monica: Fair enough, now go get ready! Phoebe: Okay. (She goes to get ready.) Monica: I'll get everybody else (Does so), finally we can start celebrating my-(She gasps and is stopped by the sight of Ross and Rachel making out in the hall.) I'm sorry, uh apparently I've opened the door to the past. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from before the commercial break. Monica is walking into the apartment followed by Ross and Rachel.] Ross: Okay, Monica. Mon, uh what-what you just saw... Monica: (interrupting) Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight? Rachel: What? Monica: See, I've been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people I'm only planning on doing this once. So, uh y'know, maybe this is selfish and I'm sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that. Rachel: Oh honey, but it is just about... Ross: It is! It is! Monica: No it's not! No! No! Now it's about you and Ross getting back together! Rachel: What?! Monica: See yeah umm, you kinda stole my thunder! Ross: Okay! Ho-ho! We did not steal your thunder because we are not getting back together! Rachel: Yeah. No. And you know what? Nobody even saw! Ross: Yeah! Monica: That's true. Rachel: Honey I swear it we just kissed. Ross: It was just a kiss. (Phoebe enters and overhears this.) Phoebe: You guys kissed!!!!! What does this mean?!! Are you, are you getting back together?! Can I sing at your wedding? Monica: Thunder being stolen!! Rachel: Okay come on Phoebe, it's nothing! Monica, come on! Ross: Look let's not make a big deal out of this! It was a one time thing. It doesn't even matter! (Chandler and Joey enter and overhear that.) Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!! Chandler: (angrily) I don't think that's what they were talking about Joe!! Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler can't do it, these guys kissed... (Points to Ross and Rachel.) Joey: What? Chandler: What?! Joey: You guys kissed! Oh my-this is huge! Rachel: No! Ross: Oh no! Rachel: No-no, it's really not huge. Ross: And; people thinking it's huge has led Monica to believe that we are stealing her thunder. (To Monica) Which we are not! Monica: Well, we're still talking about it, aren't we? Phoebe: Well yeah, that and Chandler's problem. Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel. Monica: Yes that would be lovely. Joey: You got it. Okay. Now, I can pass for 19 right?! Chandler: Yes, you can pass for 19. Joey: Really? Chandler: Yes! Joey: Seriously? Chandler: Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31! Joey: (gasps) I'm 30! Rachel: Joey, you are not! You're 31. Joey: (realizes) Aww crap! Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, we'll get us some Mai Thai's, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though. Monica: Y'know what? I-I think that umm, I don't feel like going to The Plaza. Phoebe: Why?! Rachel: Honey, Monica, this is ridiculous! Look... Monica: No-no, I-I really don't want to talk about it! I don't! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.) Joey: Psss, that is whack! [Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.] Phoebe: (she's strumming something) Yeah? (Joey nods yes.) Okay, I think I'll play it at the wedding. Joey: Yeah! Well, I think we'll see if they actually let you play. Huh? I mean they tell you anything you want to hear like-like, "You look 19," and then they just take it away like-like, "No you don't." Phoebe: Well, I don't think Monica is gonna take this away. Joey: Wouldn't she? Phoebe: Would she? Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Rachel's bedroom, she's pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.] Ross: Guess who? (Enters fully.) Rachel: Hey. Ross: Hey, I just realized we kinda left some stuff up in the air... Rachel: What do you think Monica meant when she said she didn't want to talk, especially with me? I mean, why not especially you and me? We were both out there kissing. Ross: Still thinking about it huh? Rachel: Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? (Mimicking Monica.) Especially you! Ross: (loosening his tie) Oh, who cares? Rachel: I care! Ross: (tightening his tie) And so do I. Rachel: Y'know what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed? Ross: Okay. Sure. (Sits down on her bed.) Rachel: Am I going to let you watch me undress? Ross: (sitting up) No! (Exits.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, they are both getting undressed.] Monica: I can't believe her, y'know it's just-it's so typical. Chandler: Now Monica, I know you're upset, but don't forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then there's going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris. Monica: Paris? Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something). Monica: Keep talking. Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because it's romantic, but because I can! Monica: I love you! (They start making out and both start to feel something growing below the belt line.) Monica: (in a French accent) Bonjour, monsieur. Chandler: Okay, don't say anything, you might scare it away. (There is a knock on the door.) Chandler: It's Paris, who knows we're here! Monica: (opening the door) Hi Pheebs, what's up? (She enters.) Phoebe: Okay, you said I could sing at your wedding so, I'm just gonna need a small deposit. Monica: What?! Phoebe: Y'know, just some good faith money to hold the date. Chandler: Pheebs, we're not giving you a deposit for our wedding! Phoebe: Oh, I see. (Exits angrily.) [Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.) Joey: They break your heart, don't they? Phoebe: Y'know, I don't really need their permission. Joey: Yeah! If you wanna sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding! Phoebe: Yeah! And if you wanna look 19, then you... You gotta do something about your eyes. Joey: What?! What's wrong with my eyes. Phoebe: They give you away! There's just-there's just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes. Joey: And that'll get rid of my wisdom? Phoebe: Maybe just 10 minutes for you. [Cut back to Monica and Chandler's room, they are making out again as there's another knock on the door.] Chandler: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I don't care! (Monica opens the door to Ross and Rachel.) Monica: Yes. Rachel: Monica, what did you mean before when you said you didn't want to talk to anyone, especially me? Chandler: What a great apology! (To Monica) And you accept! Okay, bye-bye! Rachel: No-no, seriously-seriously, what was the especially me part about? Monica: Well, let's just say it's not the first time you've stolen my thunder. Rachel: What?! Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, here's a thought. (Rachel ignores him and follows Monica into the kitchen.) Rachel: Monica, what are you talking about? Monica: My Sweet Sixteen! Remember, you went to third base with my cousin Charlie. Chandler: (entering) Ahh, third base. Monica: It's all everybody at the party could talk about! Rachel: Monica, y'know what? The only reason I did that was because your party was so boring! Monica: (gasps) We had a caricaturist! Rachel: Oh!! Phoebe: (singing, angrily) "Whenever I get married, guess who won't get to sing? Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!" (Exits.) Rachel: Monica, your Sweet Sixteen was like a million years ago. Monica: And yet, here we are doing it again. Rachel: Ugh, Monica I don't want to steal your stupid thunder! Monica: Oh please! Why else would you have made out with Ross?! Ross: Got me. (He shows of his hands.) Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it ain't gonna happen! Monica: I just thought it would be nice if I could have just this one night! Rachel: I swear, I never wanted any part of your night! Monica: Oh, is that why you did it in the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?! Ross: Uh, Rachel, I've been thinking. I don't think us getting together tonight is such a good idea. I'm calling it off. Chandler: (To Ross) Why to save your dignity my man. Rachel: (ignoring them) Monica, why? Why would I ever want to take away from your night? Monica: I don't know! I don't-maybe you're feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought you'd get married first! Maybe you can't stand the fact that your formerly fat friend is getting married before you! Rachel: Oh wow. That-y'know what? That is so unfair. Y'know what? Now I want to steal your thunder! Come on Ross, let's go have s*x! (Ross tries to dismiss it by making that sound, but decides to go for it and follows Rachel.) Monica: (yelling after them) I can't believe you're gonna have s*x on my engagement night!! Chandler: Well, somebody should. (Monica glares at him.) [Cut to Rachel's bedroom.] Ross: Look uh, if we're gonna do this... Rachel: We're not gonna do this, all right? She's just gonna think that we're doin' it. Ross: Oh, I see, so everybody wins. (There's a knock on the door.) Rachel: Who is it? Monica: (outside the door) It's Monica, open up! Rachel: Okay well Ross! Stop it please! Wait a minute! (Motions for him to follow her lead, but he angrily shakes his head no. So she pokes him.) Ross: Oww! Rachel: Yeah, you like that baby? (Monica bursts in followed by Chandler.) May we help you? Monica: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have s*x tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement I'm going to announce that I'm pregnant! Chandler: How is that ever going to happen?! Rachel: All right Monica, do you want to know why I was with Ross tonight?! Monica: I know why! Rachel: No you don't know why! Monica: Okay! Why?! Rachel: Because! Because I was sad. Monica: What do you mean? Rachel: Look, I am so...so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that I'm not. I'm not even close. And I don't know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that that's dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler! (Ross looks at Chandler.) Chandler: (To Ross) I don't care, she slept with me. Rachel: Anyway sweetie, I am, I'm so sorry I ruined your night. Monica: (starting to cry) I'm sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross. (They hug.) Ross: (deadpan) Well, I'm going to take off. (To Chandler) Congratulations man. Chandler: Thanks. Ross: (at the door) And uh, Rachel. Rachel: Yeah. Ross: What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person who's going to enjoy these bad boys (holds up his hands) is me. (Quickly realizes what he said and exits disgustedly.) Ending Credits [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is singing outside Monica and Chandler's door.] Phoebe: (singing) "We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed. That's right, I'm here all night, and Chandler will never get l..." Chandler: (interrupting her just in time) Hey! Here's a dollar, consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding. Phoebe: Oh thank you. Chandler: Okay. (Goes back to bed.) Phoebe: Now... (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer-(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)-Oh-oh! All right, I'll pound on him in the morning.
Plan: A: The gang; Q: Who prepares to celebrate Monica and Chandler's engagement? A: Monica; Q: Who accuses Ross and Rachel of stealing her thunder? A: the door; Q: What did Monica open to Ross kissing Rachel? A: Ross; Q: Who kissed Rachel in the hall? A: a "bonus night; Q: What was Ross and Rachel planning? A: two exes; Q: Who does Ross and Rachel plan to have a one-night stand with? A: bedroom-related problems; Q: What is Chandler having? A: Joey auditions; Q: What does Joey do to play as a 19-year-old? A: Phoebe; Q: Who wants to play her guitar at Monica and Chandler's wedding? Summary: The gang prepare to celebrate Monica and Chandler's engagement. When Monica opens the door to Ross kissing Rachel in the hall, she accuses them of stealing her thunder. Ross and Rachel had been planning a "bonus night", where two exes have a one-night stand. Meanwhile, Chandler has bedroom-related problems, Joey auditions to play as a 19-year-old, and Phoebe wants to play her guitar at Monica and Chandler's wedding.
LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [INT. THE MOTEL - ELLIE'S ROOM - DAY] PEYTON: What the hell is this? ELLIE: It's an article I wrote. PEYTON: I've got a headline for you article; it's called 'Go to Hell'! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - THE GYM - EVENING] WHITEY: the candidate that I'm endorsing... Ms. Karen Roe. (Holds his arm out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GROUNDS - DAY] LUCAS: You want me to ask her out? BROOKE: (Points behind her without looking) She's the one. (Brooke looks back and sees that she's pointing at Rachel. She's clearly shocked.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - LUCAS'S CAR - EVENING] RACHEL: You're using me... and I'm OK with that. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL-OUTSIDE OF LUCAS'S CAR-EVENING] LUCAS: You're the one who wanted to be non-exclusive. I'm just doing what you wanted. BROOKE: (Hurt) I wanted you to fight for me! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - LOCKER ROOM - EVENING] LUCAS: you're just... like... Dan (!) (That does it. Nathan grabs the front of Lucas' shirt, swings back and punches him in the face. Lucas punches him back and the entire team decides to get involved. There's a scrum as they are all pushed forward in a confusing mass of limbs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - WHITEY'S OFFICE - EVENING] WHITEY: I'm making you co-captains... and you two are either gonna make this work or TEAR IT DOWN! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING] (Lucas tips his medicine container upside-down and out falls his last pill. He looks up worriedly.) LUCAS: I needed to buy some medicine. HALEY: (Sighs, not wanting to know.) For what? LUCAS: I have HCM. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - EVENING] DEB: I made a deal with the devil that I'd stand by his side through this election. (She frowns and looks at Karen unhappily.) I can still make things... difficult for him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] DAN: (Viciously) You wanna play with me - game on. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - DEB'S BEDROOM - EVENING] There's a beat before the sound of electricity is heard and a bright blue light shines beneath the covers. Dan screams. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THIRD AND LONG - DINING AREA - EVENING] NATHAN: (Sighs) We can help Haley with her music. CHRIS: And you care, why? NATHAN: Because she loves it... and I love her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] HALEY: Working with Chris nearly killed our marriage! NATHAN: I told you I needed to be able to trust you again. (Smiles) This is your chance. (Haley goes to Chris's house with a box of stuff and Nathan sees her.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - WHITEY'S OFFICE - DAY] (The basketball players are watching a new broadcast about their fight on TV.) ANCHORMAN: And In Tree Hill North Carolina, the local high school basketball team, the Ravens began their season with a bench clearing brawl which wouldn't be that noteworthy except this brawl pitted the Ravens against the Ravens. Even their Cheerleaders got in a few good shots. Looks like these kittens have claws. When asked about the incident Coach Brian Whitey Durham had no comment. (Whitey clicks the TV off.) WHITEY: I've got a comment for you, Gym, Suicide, Move (!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - THE GYM - DAY] (The players are running back and forth across the court touching their fingers to each side on the floor.) WHITEY: The way I see it you boys owe this school a major debt and you will find that payback is a Bitch and the currency is pain. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - POOL - DAY] (Dan is peeing in the pool when he finishes he gives a little satisfactory sigh and heads indoors where Deb is in the kitchen in her robe.) DAN: Sleep well honey? Funny thing, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and all the toilets were clogged. DEB: Hmm. DAN: How were the toilets on your side of the house? DEB: Fine. Maybe you should call a plumber. DAN: Oh, don't worry. I'll make do. (Deb removes her robe and has a bathing suit underneath.) DAN: Going for a swim? DEB: Nothing gets by you Dan. DAN: The waters warm you're in for a treat. (Deb takes her lotions and robe and goes out to the pool area.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - THE GROUNDS - DAY] (Haley is peeking from behind a pillar and sees Nathan coming she walks out and intentionally bumps into him.) HALEY: Oh hey, sorry, Just friendly. NATHAN: That's cool. HALEY: Oh by the way, I don't know what was going on with you and Lucas at Midnight Madness but I really wished you guys would get back to the way things used to be. NATHAN: This is the way things used to be Haley. HALEY: I meant before I left. (They start to walk together.) HALEY: What were you fighting about anyway? NATHAN: You. So you're a Cheerleader now. What's...What's that all about? HALEY: Ah, Brooke needed my help. Kinda glad I get to see more of you though. Is that okay with you? I mean not that I need your permission or anything. I just... NATHAN: You don't but next time you want to talk don't pretend to run into me just talk to me Hales, I don't want to play games. HALEY: Awe, you mean like uh, other then challenging me to work with Chris again? NATHAN: Yeah, I guess...I guess so. So how's it going anyway? HALEY: Uh, coming along I guess. NATHAN: Don't sleep on your music Hales it's a big part of who you are. HALEY: Yeah. (watches him leave) So are you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - BY THE BUSES - DAY] (Peyton and Brooke are walking down the sidewalk to the school entrance.) PEYTON: So are you going to give me the damage report on you and Lucas? BROOKE: Let's see, one boy, one car, one naked skeez in the back seat and one Brooke Davis totally flipping out. PEYTON: Ooh, Rachel stole your move, huh? (laughs) BROOKE: That's not the point. It just really set me off seeing them together. PEYTON: Even though you are the one that put them together. BROOKE: Way to twist the knife. The point is that she can't come in here and try to steal my squad and my boyfriend. PEYTON: Boyfriend (!) Isn't that like a dirty word in the whole keeping it casual scenario? BROOKE: Yes, okay I know. I totally screwed this up but what am I supposed to say to him? PEYTON: Well, see there's this new thing out it's called an apology. All the cool kids are doing it. You might want to try it. You know what if you really get into trouble try using the word exclusive. (Peyton leaves and Brooke walks up to Lucas who is hanging flyers on a peg board outside.) BROOKE: Hey there. Um, okay look, I'm really sorry Luc. I know that I came down on you really hard the other night and I know that the whole date with Rachel was my idea but I do have feelings for you. LUCAS: Listen, I thought a lot about what you said the other night uh, you know about what kind of guy you want me to be and I want to be that kind of guy for you but you have to let me be that guy. BROOKE: (Looks at the staple gun he's holding) If I say okay do you promise to lower the weapon? LUCAS: Oh, sorry. (They walk together.) BROOKE: So whatcha got there anyway? LUCAS: Oh, flyers for my fantasy league. BROOKE: Hmm, sounds kinky. LUCAS: Fantasy Basketball League. BROOKE: Oh, sounds lame. How does it work? LUCAS: Well, there's a draft where you pick from a list of NBA players and build your own ideal fantasy team. BROOKE: So you get to pick and choose from a big group of hot athletic guys. Definitely take that back not lame. Although you know there are better things to fantasize about. LUCAS: Yeah Well, I don't really have a girlfriend what else is there? BROOKE: Oh Ho. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Brooke and Lucas enter the hallway and see two girls yelling at each other.) ASHLEY: You liar (!) You knew I was going to ask Fede out and you sniped him. BEVIN 2: Just because he's in your cart doesn't mean I can't grab him before you get to the check out line. ASHLEY: yeah. Check this out. (They start to slap each other. Brooke gasps.) BEVIN: Oh no you didn't. LUCAS: (watching) I could fantasize about this. (The girls pull each others hair.) BROOKE: Bevin, Ashley Stop(!) RACHEL: Can't really blame them. I mean they watch their Captain go all Kung-Fu hustle at Midnight Madness and now they all want to look like Brooke. (Brooke gives her a fake smile. Rachel looks down at her shoes and then slowly up.) RACHEL: Of course that would mean a trip to Good Will. Hey Luc. (Coach WHITEY comes out of his office and blows his whistle.) WHITEY: Alright Paris and Nicole, that's quite enough. If I wanted to watch Cheerleaders wrestle, I'd turned on pay-per-view. BROOKE: That's okay Coach, I can handle them. WHITEY: Is that a fact? After your little melee at the Midnight Madness, principle Turner and I came to a meeting of the minds. Another fight like this and there won't be anymore Cheerleaders this season. Brooke: Wha? WHITEY: Get your squad under control Miss. Davis otherwise you'll find yourself cheering for the chess team. (Brooke grabs Coach Whiteys whistle and blows in it really loud.) BROOKE: (points) Squad meeting now (!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY] (Brooke is at the front of the class standing and the rest of the squad are seated at desks.) BROOKE: (angry) This is my senior year and as long as I am Captain I am not about to loose this squad because we are all fighting over the same guys. ASHLEY: Bevin knows I like Fede(!) BEVIN: Too bad Fede's not into whores. BROOKE: Okay (!) Enough(!) (Rachel laughs from the back of the room.) BROOKE: Do you have a problem? RACHEL: Just waiting to hear what your plan is Captain. BROOKE: My plan. I'll tell you what my plan is... RACHEL: We're waiting. Aren't we girls? BROOKE: The plan is (looks at Lucas' flyer on the wall) Fantasy Boy draft. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM - DAY] (Brooke is holding her purse out in front of the girls and they are taking pieces of paper out of it.) BROOKE: Okay, here's the rules of the Fantasy Boy draft. Once you pick a guy he's yours for the season which means he's off the market and no one else can touch him. You got it Bevin? Ashley? HALEY: (Holds up a compact) What are these for? BROOKE: I'm glad you asked trial separation girl. Open em up. The number on your compact will determine where you are in the draft order. BEVIN: What's to stop us from just dating whoever we want even with this little draft thingy? BROOKE: Good question Bevin. Of course you'd be kicked off the squad or worse. BEVIN: Like how worse? BROOKE: Liiikee...What's to keep me from telling the whole school that one of you was left handcuffed in Thomas' bed for seven hours waiting for a locksmith? (one cheerleader looks worried) Or that at the Sparkle Classic last year, one of you had a little too much to drink and made out with another one of you? (one girl glances up at Brooke) Or that scar on a certain someone's back isn't really from falling off her bike but was one of those little baby spine tails that the doctors had to lop off after she was born? (Bevin looks embarrassed) In other words, Honor, code of silence, you all keep the rules of the code, I keep silent about all the dirt I have on you. Break the rules and it's social suicide. Final rule, at anytime in the season you are not happy with your draft picks, you can trade with someone else. Okay? Let's count out our numbers starting from one. PEYTON: One. BROOKE: Way to go P. Sawyer with pick numero uno. (holds her compact up.) Right behind ya with number two. Who's got three? BEVIN: Three. HAYLEY: Uh, four. RACHEL: Five. BROOKE: hmm. PEYTON: So wait, once we pick our guy then what happens? BROOKE: It's up to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - DAY] (Deb comes inside and Karen is setting a box of stuff on a table near the red couch.) KAREN: Hello there. DEB: Hey. KAREN: All quiet on the western front? DEB: (laughs) Not even close. (sits) Last night I clogged the toilet on Dan's side of the house now he's even more full of crap then usual. (Karen laughs) KAREN: I want to show you something. (She pulls a flyer out of the box) These are hot off the presses. Here you go. My first official Roe for Mayor Campaign poster. DEB: (reads it) Roe, Roe, Roe your vote. That's cute. (Deb goes to help Karen hang up the poster on the window and they notice a truck with Dan pulling up outside. The truck has a huge sign with Dan's campaign poster mounted on the back trailer of it. Dan jumps out of the truck and looks at Karen through the glass pointing at his sign and puts his thumb up.) DEB: You're going to need a bigger sign. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY] (Brooke and Peyton are sitting next to each other. The teacher is giving a lecture. Peyton is playing with her bracelet and Brooke is writing a note.) TEACHER: Throughout the 19th century, China's emperors watched in dismay as foreigners approached further and further into their lands in the hopes of repelling this foreign invasion... (Brooke places the note on Peyton's lap) PEYTON: What? BROOKE: Read it. (Peyton takes the note and is looking it over. Lucas glances around the kid in front of him trying to see what they are doing. It appears to be Brooke's draft picks. Lucas notices what it is and smiles. Peyton throws it back to Brooke who drops it.) TEACHER: Miss. Davis, perhaps there is something in that note that could enlighten us about the Boxer Rebellion? (Brooke puts the note in her purse.) BROOKE: Well, they totally won out over briefs. (Everyone laughs) TEACHER: The purse hmm, (puts her hand out) let's have it. RACHEL: Um, excuse me, Miss. Um, Miss. Sorry I forgot your name. TEACHER: Jillean. RACHEL: Right, my bad. In New Jersey vs. TLO the Supreme Court ruled that unless a law has been broken or there's probable cause to suspect a law has been broken... searches and/or seizures of students property is unlawful and last time I checked not paying attention in class wasn't a crime. (The bell rings. Brooke slams her pen down and closes her book. Rachel waits for Lucas to come out of the classroom.) LUCAS: Pretty sweet legal moves, counselor. RACHEL: You should see my not so legal moves. (They laugh together and Lucas leaves. Brooke comes up to Rachel.) BROOKE: Hey (!) Do you actually think I need your help? RACHEL: Well, I guess that's a thank you in Brooke world. BROOKE: Oh look, you got something right, it is my world. You may have my whole squad fooled but if you're trying to suck up to me, don't bother. (Brooke walks away and Lucas who overheard joins her.) LUCAS: Hey, she did kind of bail you out back there. BROOKE: You are not allowed to defend her. In fact I would appreciate it if you didn't associate with her clothed or otherwise. LUCAS: Well, does this mean you're going to pick me in your fantasy draft? BROOKE: How did you know about that? LUCAS: Oh, Come on from three rows back I still know what a fantasy draft looks like. BROOKE: (crosses her arms) Well I admit nothing. It's just a plan to keep the rest of my squad from tearing each others heads off. LUCAS: Really, you're sure it's not about Brook Davis having her cake and dating it too? BROOKE: Could be, Could not be, But I will let you know if we need to schedule a private work out for research. (Peyton is at her locker putting her books in it when Rachel comes walking up to her.) RACHEL: (holds out a CD to her) I saw the NOFX sticker on you're locker figured you be into this. Super rare bootleg recorded straight off the mixing board. PEYTON: Right. Look Rachel, Brookes my best friend so you can try her off with your legal jargon but you can't buy me off with a bootleg. RACHEL: Peyton, I'm offering to let you borrow a CD. Anything else is your baggage. Honestly I'm just surprised a Cheerleader is into Punk. I didn't think anybody was that screwed up. I mean besides me. (Peyton just looks at her) C'mon Peyton I'm trying here. PEYTON: Right, you do realize I'm the one that tackled you at Midnight Madness right? RACHEL: Yeah but I heard the rumors I just figured you were into me. (Peyton laughs) RACHEL: Look, I get it but some people just don't get along but being friends with me does not mean you are betraying Brooke. PEYTON: Hmm, you don't know Brooke very well, do you? RACHEL: (tires to hand the CD to her) C'mon you know you want to hear it. PEYTON: No thanks. (Peyton walks away and Rachel smiles. Then Peyton turns around and comes back and Rachel hands it to her over her shoulder.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - THE GYM - DAY] (The guys are still doing the suicide runs and coach Whitey is holding a stop watch with a whistle in his mouth. Lucas seems to behind all the others. Haley and Brooke are in on the bleachers watching them. Peyton is in the bleachers too drawing in her sketch pad.) HALEY: Oh man, Lucas looks really tired. BROOKE: Well I certainly haven't been keeping him up at night. Of course that could always change after the boy draft. HALEY: Alright I gotta go keep an eye on him, huh? (Haley picks up her backpack and leaves.) BROOKE: I will (sighs) maybe two. (Mouth goes up to the bleachers next to Peyton.) MOUTH: Making some notes on potential draft picks? PEYTON: Not really. (She shows him a sketch of a girl.) MOUTH: Wow, she's pretty. Who is she? PEYTON: Wish I knew. So what's up Mouth? MOUTH: The draft, everybody is talking about it. I was just wondering any chance a guy like me has a shot at getting picked? PEYTON: (laughs) C'mon Mouth, What are you talking about? You're a total catch. (He smiles) I guarantee you someone is going to pick you. Besides (points to players) you'll probably be the only guy left alive. (Whitey blows the whistle and Lucas is the last one finished.) WHITEY: Lucas Scott (!) Why don't you hop on your brothers back and let him carry you? Alright gentleman, line up let's do it again. There's a reason they call these sixteen sixties, each one of you has to touch that sideline sixteen times in sixty seconds. If one of you fails to do it then you all do it again. (Lucas is hunched over winded.) NATHAN: Better get your ass in shape or you'll be the only Captain in the league riding the bench. SKILLS: C'mon baby, we're in this together. (Whitey blows the whistle and they all begin again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - THE GROUNDS - DAY] (Brooke is walking outside and Bevin walks towards her.) BROOKE: Bevin. BEVIN: Hi. BROOKE: So why wasn't Rachel scouting for the fantasy draft today? BEVIN: She said she didn't have to. She already knows who she's going to pick. BROOKE: And who might that be? BEVIN: She kinda made me promise I wouldn't tell anybody. BROOKE: Okay, (reaches up to her necklace) Bev, I know you guys have become best friends and that's cool. You probably want to be loyal (holds necklace up in front of Bevin's face.) not betray her. (Bevin snatches the necklace.) BEVIN: Chris Keller. BROOKE: (laughs) Wait, Chris Keller? BEVIN: Yeah, Rachel met him at the record store. She's got a thing for musicians plus she said he's really really sweet. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECORDING STUDIO-DAY] (Haley is sitting down with her guitar and Chris is standing in front of her.) CHRIS: It sucks Haley. HALEY: Wha...huh... I worked really hard on that song. What do you mean it sucks? CHIRS: I mean it sucks so bad, I'm wondering if it's possible to unhear a song? HALEY: Well maybe it's a song that is good and it's you that sucks. CHRIS: Yeah, maybe, let me think...um, no. It's the song but the one good thing about it, besides that fact that it's over is now that you have gotten all the crap out of your system, you can write something real. (Haley is mad) You've got to write the truth Hales. How are things with Nathan? HALEY: (stands) I'm not discussing that with you. CHRIS: Ooo, that bad, huh? HALEY: No, things are fine. CHRIS: I don't think they are. I think things are a mess Haley, and until you deal with that your music is going to suffer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Lucas is walking down the hall looking defeated and Skills walks up to him.) SKILLS: Look who it is. I didn't even know if you still went to this school no more, Dog. LUCAS: You've been spending too much time in the Arts center. It might do you some good to hang out with us non-gifted kids. SKILLS: Ah, whatever. Don't be actin like you ain't been busy. I thought I was gonna have to hide buck naked in your backseat just to get your attention. LUCAS: (opens locker) You heard about that? SKILLS: Hey man. The whole school heard about that, Dog but I mean you could of shared the wealth. First, Brook Davies...Now the new red head, I mean you do know why the backseat was invented, right? LUCAS: Uh, yeah. I think I was conceived in one. SKILLS: (laughs) Good point but on the real man, how you holding up, You good? LUCAS: (sighs) What do you mean? SKILLS: First half of the summer you play like straight trash. Then bam you back to the old Luc. I mean what's going on? LUCAS: Oh, nothing just finally getting into shape. SKILLS: Right and that wouldn't have nothing to do with your little heart condition thing your moms got all worked up about would it? LUCAS: HCM. No, I tested negative. SKILLS: Mm. Luc I know you love the game, Dog. Just like I love the game but the people in your life, they love you more. You do understand that, right? LUCAS: Yeah Skills, I get it alright. I'll be fine. SKILLS: Alright man, Alright. (Skills looks behind him then back.) LUCAS: What? SKILLS: Yo check this out.(looks at Bevin) Shorty been checking me out all week son. LUCAS: Yeah there's this boy draft thing. SKILLS: Yeah I heard but on the real last time somebody was following me around like that...I was in the department store, straight up. (Lucas puts his arm around Skills shoulder and laughs. Bevin walks quickly away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - THE GROUNDS - DAY] (Brooke and Peyton are walking together.) PEYTON: Brooke, that's amazing (!) Now what exactly did your manager say? BROOKE: Well, she said she showed my clothing designs to all the corporate monkeys at Suburban Ville and they totally responded so now all I need is Rachel to die of TSS and life will be perfect. PEYTON: Hey have you noticed all the guys have been acting really Stepfordish lately? BROOKE: It's the fantasy boy draft. We have the first two picks. PEYTON: Right. BROOKE: Should have done this years ago now we have all the power. PEYTON: Oh, so that's why you rigged the draft order so you could lock up Lucas exclusively. BROOKE: Uh, maybe. PEYTON: Mm. Hm. BROOKE: Kay, probably. What about you? PEYTON: Any chance that Jake's going to turn up by Friday? BROOKE: Aw, sorry buddy but you're not. Every boy here wants to be the first pick in the draft. PEYTON: Ah, you think? BROOKE: Watch this. (Brooke drops Peyton's books on the ground and boys come flocking to pick them up for her. They laugh and Peyton takes them as the boys hand them back to her.) PEYTON: (to guys) Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Peyton walks down the hall and Haley runs up to her.) HALEY: Hey, never expected the Cheerleading squad to have more drama then the Drama club. PEYTON: What did you expect from Cheerleading? HALEY: Uh, I don't know. It's was a spur of a moment decision. I'm kinda glad I get to see more of Nathan and you guys. I just don't know how I'm going to balance this with doing the music thing with Chris. PEYTON: You're working with Chris again? HALEY: Yeah actually. PEYTON: You know for someone that wants to stay close to Nathan, spending time with a guy that drove you apart is a hell of a way to show it. HALEY: (shocked) Uh, (sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GROUNDS - DAY] (The Cheerleaders are outside looking at guys with notebooks in their hands.) ASHLEY: Ooh, we got a door holder at two o'clock, chivalrous and a good dresser. (she writes him down) RACHEL: (walks up holding a box full of identical binders) That's Smitty and he shoots for the other team, sorry. (She hands the box to Bevin to hold.) RACHEL: (takes a binder out of the box) I already know who I'm drafting but I thought you guys could use these scatter reports I put together. Every guy's stats cross referenced with dating histories and stuff written on bathroom stalls. BEVIN: Nice. (Brooke gives her a nasty smile and she returns it.) ASHLEY: (Takes a photo page out of the binder) Oh, I'm drafting the hell out of that. CHEERLEADER: Absolutely. ASHLEY: Rachel, you rock. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - THE GYM - DAY] (Lucas is by himself in the gym doing suicide runs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GROUNDS - DAY] (Peyton is sitting at a table sketching in her book. Cheerleaders are in the background taking measurements of guys with their notebooks in hand. One guy dances for them. The guys pick them up and do push ups to impress them too.) BLONDE CL: (taking pictures of guys) Hi, okay ready.( the guy puts two thumbs up) Okay, next? HI. Okay. That's great. Ok thank you. HI. Okay that's great. Hold it right there. (sees Mouth in the shot.) Mouth, can you do me a favor? MOUSE: Sure, snap away. BLONDE CL: No, can you move out of the way? (Mouse looks at the line behind him and leaves.) BLONDE CL: Aright, ready, here we go again. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - THE GYM - DAY] (Lucas slows down and leans over to catch his breath. A Gatorade bottle rolls across the floor to his feet. He grabs it and stands up to see Dan.) DAN: Looking a little tired there Lucas. Maybe you don't have the heart for this. LUCAS: What do you want? DAN: I want you to talk some sense into your mother. Tell her to drop out of the Mayor's race. LUCAS: Why, you afraid of the competition? DAN: I would be if there actually was a competition then again blow outs are kind of fun. Just talk to her...that is if you can catch your breath. (Dan smirks and leaves. Lucas drops the Gatorade bottle to the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Skills is getting a drink of water out of the water fountain and notices Bevin staring at his butt.) SKILLS: You want to touch it? BEVIN: No, I was just um. SKILLS: Come on, come on and check out my assets. Touch the Skills heels. (Bevin reaches down and squeezes his butt.) Bevin: Oooh (She turns away and writes in her notebook. Skills grabs her by the shoulders and leans toward her ear.) SKILLS: You know Skills has two heels in there, right? (She smirks and a bell rings only to break her out of her day dream. She snaps out of it and sees Skills getting a drink. Then she turns and walks away quickly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFE - COUNTER - DAY] (Haley runs through the door and Lucas is bringing a box of glasses behind the counter.) LUCAS: You're late. Kind of pushing it aren't ya? HALEY: That makes two of us. I was at the library doing research and I think I've figured out why you have been having so much trouble at practice. ( Haley sets her purse on the counter and leans in towards Lucas. Karen comes into the bar area and both of them stand up straight fast.) KAREN: Hi Haley. HALEY: Hi. (leans in and whispers when Karen leaves) I found this website that said that sluggish physical performance is one of the side effects of the HCM mediation. Now it's bad enough you haven't told your mom but I really think you should talk to Whitey. LUCAS: I can handle it. HALEY: Players have collapsed and died because of this, okay. You need to tell Whitey about your heart. LUCAS: I don't know if I can do that. HALEY: Well, I know one thing. If you don't talk to him, I will. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFE - BAR AREA - DAY] (Haley is putting Janis Joplin up on the map and Chris walks up to the bar.) CHRIS: Janice Joplin, now she's a great song writer. (Haley turns and looks at him.) HALEY: I wonder if it's possible to un-meet a person? CHRIS: Hey, I was just being honest like all the great song writers are... Like you need to be. (Haley slaps the labeller on the counter and grabs some papers to look at.) CHRIS: Look, take Eric Clapton all his best songs came from pain and longing. Now, Layla... about his best friends woman...Tears in Heaven for his son. HALEY: Thank you for the pep talk but I really do need to get back to this if you don't mind. CHRIS: I know. You didn't put my name up there. (Chris puts Haley's name on the map.) HALEY: Chris, that wall is for great musicians. CHRIS: I know. HALEY: (peels it off) I do not belong up here. CHRIS: If you would stop running from your emotions and start writing about it, one day you might. (He picks up his coffee and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Deb is in the kitchen pouring some ultra laxatives in the coffee pot. Just as she finishes Dan comes in and doesn't notice.) DAN: No morning swim today? DEB: Nope. I guess you'll be on the campaign trail all day today? (Dan pours himself a cup of coffee out of the pot with the laxatives in it.) DAN: That's Right, gotta run. (Dan leaves and Deb is watching him with her back to the refrigerator smiling.) DEB: (to herself) I'll bet. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - DAY] (Dan walks in and throws a newspaper on the counter.) DAN: (reads headline) Mayoral Election to be a Dan-slide! Did you get a look at the first election polls? It's almost like I'm running on a post. KAREN: Go away, Dan. (she goes to hand him the paper.) DAN: No, no, you keep it. My treat. KAREN: I've never taken anything from you before, why start now. (tosses his change to him) DAN: Great, I can use the change for the meter. KAREN: Worried Dan? I mean why else would you even bother coming in here. Afraid what will happen once the voters get to know me. DAN: But they won't Karen. Think about it. Do you even have the resources to wage an effective campaign? Do you have the respect of the community? Do you...(looks sick) Do you have a bathroom? (Karen points to it and he runs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nathan is walking with Peyton.) PEYTON: So I guess you survived Whitey's practice. He seems like he was pretty tough on you guys. How you holding up? NATHAN: I can roll with it. I've been meaning to ask you the same question though. I caught your latest pod cast and I guess I didn't realize your situation with your mom was so... PEYTON: Yeah but you know I can roll with it. NATHAN: Just as long as, you know, you don't have to roll solo. PEYTON: So you ready for this draft thing? NATHAN: Yeah any chance I won't get picked? PEYTON: Um, well let's see. I have the first pick. Woohoo um, and then you're safe with Brooke and Bevin but then there's a fourth pick, um, your wife. NATHAN: Yeah. PEYTON: Mm, Hm, Look, if you're not ready to go on a date with Haley, I can pick you. Okay but it's your call so you tell me. Do you want Haley to pick you? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - COACH WHITEY'S OFFICE - DAY] (Whitey is reading something while Lucas knocks then sits down.) WHITEY: Well, well the tortoise finally crosses the finish line. (removes his glasses.) LUCAS: Don't you mean the hare the tortoise finished first. WHITEY: You couldn't beat either one of them. LUCAS: Look, there's a reason I've been lagging behind coach. I...I'm out of shape. I'll do whatever it takes to get it back it's not fair to take it out on the team. They don't deserve it. If you have to take it out on someone, take it out on me. (Whitey gets up and goes over to Lucas) WHITEY: Don't worry son. I'll take care of you.. (pats him on the arm.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - THE GYM - DAY] (The players are lined up in the gym and Whitey is standing in front of them talking. The Cheerleaders are off to the side practicing.) WHITEY: Seems I have been unfairly riding you guys a little too hard lately. At least according to your co-captain, Lucas Scott, so he's taking today's practice off so he can catch up on his sleepy, sleepy time. (points to Lucas) Go have a seat. Now that being said while your co-captain is kicked back enjoying a cold drink and having a mandy petty. The rest of you are going to work twice as hard. Alright, to the sidelines now(!) Get movin (!) Go, go, go(!) (The players line up. Nathan lines up in front of where Lucas is sitting.) NATHAN: (over his shoulder) What the hell is a matter with you man? (Whitey blows the whistle and they all start running.) WHITEY: Alright let's move, move, move. My grandmother can run faster. (Haley looks over and sees Lucas with his head bowed. Haley puts her pom poms away.) BEVIN: Hey Haley. HALEY: Hey, hi. BEVIN: Um, I was just wondering how are things with you and Nathan? HALEY: Ah, complicated but I'm not going to give up on him. BEVIN: You go Hales. Good for you. (turns to the rest of the squad) He's a no go girls. HALEY: Bevin, Nathan's my husband. You can't seriously be thinking of drafting him. (Peyton walks up.) PEYTON: Yeah Bevin, you can't draft Nathan. HALEY: Thanks Peyton. PEYTON: Cause I have first pick and I'm taking him. (Haley is clearly upset at that.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Rachel is hanging up some flyers and Brooke walks up to her.) BROOKE: (takes flyer down.) Look, Hoebot this is a poser free zone. (she rips it in half.) RACHEL: What's wrong Brookie? ,jealous because the Keller isn't into you? BROOKE: I wouldn't let the Keller into me if he were the last... (Coach Whitey comes walking by and they pretend to be nice to each other.) RACHEL: (touches Brookes necklace) Oh my God, I love your necklace. BROOKE: And your shoes are so fetch. WHITEY: Well, I'm glad to see you girls patched things up. BROOKE: Mm. Hm. RACHEL: Oh yeah, we're totally Beaches. WHITEY: Oh, you know if you girls refer to each other that way, the boys are going think it's alright to do the same. (Rachel puts her arm around Brooke.) BROOKE: No coach, Beaches like the movie. WHITEY: Well, carry on. (He walks away and the both separate quickly) RACHEL: Fetch? BROOKE: Yeah, you know something a dog does. (Peyton comes up and grabs Brooke by the arm.) PEYTON: Hey, Hey, Hey. How do you fell about the mathletes because that's who you are going to be cheering for if you don't quit cage matching it out with Rachel. Why don't you just put the leader back in Cheerleader and make peace with her? BROOKE: You know Peyton, I will just as soon as you make peace with Haley. (Peyton gives her a look) That's what I thought and p.s. you cannot draft Nathan. He's Haley's. PEYTON: No, he was then she skipped town. BROOKE: They are married. This is bad stuff P. Sawyer. Isn't there anybody else that you could pick? PEYTON: Well yeah. There's Lucas. BROOKE: Oh no. On second thought Nathan's a great idea. PEYTON: Mm.Hm. (Lucas is putting his books in his locker and Haley walks up to him.) HALEY: So I guess it's safe to say that you didn't talk to Whitey. (He looks away.) That's fine. I'll tell him. (she starts to walk away.) LUCAS: Haley(!) Look, you don't get it. If you tell Whitey I have a heart condition, I'm off the team. HALEY: Yeah and if I don't tell Whitey you have a heart condition, you're off the planet. LUCAS: (hushed) Haley, for the longest time I've have been an outsider. I joined this team and the guys accepted me. I became a part of something and it's something I care about. HALEY: I know Luc. LUCAS: I'm not going to die if I take the pills. I just have to work harder to compensate for the medication. HALEY: Luc will you listen to yourself the medication that you're taking is supposed to inhibit your performance that is how it saves your life. LUCAS: I am the Master of my fate. I am the Captain of my soul. HALEY: What? LUCAS: William Henley, Invictus...it's Latin. HALEY: Invincible, Yeah I know. I know the poem. I also know that William Henley didn't have a heart condition. Luc, you're not...you're not invincible. I just hope you live long enough to realize it. (Haley walks away and Lucas slams his locker.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BROOKE'S PLACE- EVENING] (The girls are entering a Brookes and Mouth is outside.) MOUTH: (hands out Polaroid's of himself) For your consideration I'd make an excellent sleeper pick. Girl: eww gross MOUTH: No, it doesn't mean that, it just means...(girls slams door in his face.) (Brooke is passing around cookies inside to the girls.) BROOKE: Cookie? Refreshment? Hey. (Haley walks up to Peyton.) HALEY: I just want you to know you're wasting your time drafting Nathan. You can pick him I can't stop you but I'm not going anywhere Peyton. Nathan and I are meant to be together. I know that, you know that and one of these days he's going to know that too. (She walks away from Peyton. Brooke brings in a tray of cupcakes) RACHEL: Who wants cupcakes? BROOKE: Has everybody seen my new wall? It's um, of the French Riviera. RACHEL: Italian Riviera, actually. BROOKE: Ah, excuse me? It's my wall. RACHEL: Well, your wall is of the Portofino River. We vaca every year there. (Brooke is annoyed. Rachel goes over to the wall.) RACHEL: See, here, that is the Splendito Mare. I met the hottest guy while staying there. (Peyton goes over to Brooke.) PEYTON: So you two bury the hatchet yet? BROOKE: Funny thing I'm about to bury it in her throat. (Rachel is checking out Bevin's necklace.) BEVIN: Brooke gave it to me. (Brooke goes over to the table of food to set her tray down. Haley turns to her.) HALEY: So considering I'm an honor student, how many years do you think I would get if I stabbed someone say Peyton with like a giant fork or... BROOKE: Ok, let's not keep giant object around the house. I know this whole thing with Nathan sucks for you now but right now I need your help bringing Rachel to her knees. Yes I know it's ironic. So here's my plan, I'm going to snipe her draft pick. She needs to know what it feels like when the shoe is up the other ass. HALEY: Okay, what do you need from me? And do not say my shoes. BROOKE: No, Rachel picks fifth, you pick fourth. I need you to pick Lucas so no one else gets him while I'm screwing her over. HALEY: What about Bevin? She's third. BROOKE: Yeah but she's picking Skills. We got a deal? HALEY: Yeah well if I can't pick Nathan I might as well take Lucas. (They pinky swear on it.) HALEY: Deal. [INT. RECORDING STUDIO-EVENING] (Chris is playing the piano when Nathan enters.) CHRIS: Well, well. What do you say partner? NATHAN: (puts money on the piano) Here's half the money for Haley's studio time. I'll get you the rest next week? (Nathan goes to leave.) CHRIS: You ever heard of Robert Johnson, Nate? NATHAN: Sure, he's a forward for the Oregon Ducks. CHRIS: (laughs) No, Robert Johnson was a blue's man back in the thirties. The story goes he made a deal with the Devil for the gift of music. Kind of like you're doing for Haley. Nathan: So what you're supposed to be the Devil? CHRIS: No man, I'm Robert Johnson. You're the Devil. NATHAN: So how's Haley doing? CHRIS: Not well. How are you and Haley doing? NATHAN: Let's get something straight. I'm here to talk about Haley and her music not Haley and me. CHRIS: You still don't get it do you? They're the same thing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - EVENING] (Karen and Lucas are getting ready to eat dinner. The truck with Dan's image on it is still parked out front.) LUCAS: Can't we just pull the blinds or something? KAREN: Nope. Keeps me focused on how badly I need to beat him. LUCAS: Yeah, I saw him today. He's not going to make it easy on you, you know. KAREN: Is that what he told you? LUCAS: More or less. KAREN: You know Lucas I...I may not have the money or the connections that Dan has but what I do have is my reputation as a good upstanding person who raised a decent enough son on her own. (Lucas wipes his mouth on his shirt.) And uh, apparently skipped the part of table manners and that's what the voters will see. LUCAS: Yeah, but is it worth it? KAREN: You know if you want to change something, you have to be willing to work hard at it. LUCAS: But you do work hard, Mom. I mean come on you run two businesses. KAREN: Well, sometimes when you're done working hard, you have to work a little harder. (Lucas gets up to leave.) KAREN: Where you off too? LUCAS: To work a little harder. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BROOKE'S PLACE- EVENING] (Brooke is standing in front of the girls.) BROOKE: And now the moment everyone's been waiting for the first Annual Tree Hill fantasy boy draft. P. Sawyer you've got the first pick and you are on the clock. Who's this year's first draft pick going to be? PEYTON: I'll pick Mouth McFadden. BROOKE: Mouth goes to Peyton MOUTH: (outside window) Number one draft pick baby, WOOHOO. BROOKE: Hey Mouth. BEVIN: Okay Brooke, you're next. HALEY: Oh Brooke, we need to talk since Peyton... BROOKE: No, not now Haley. I pick Chris Keller, Ha. ASHLEY: Chris Keller goes to Brooke. Ahh. BROOKE: Bevin you're next. BEVIN: Uh, actually I... RACHEL: There's been a trade. BROOKE: What? RACHEL: Well you said we could trade so Bevin traded me her number three pick and I pick Lucas. Girl: Lucas Scott to Rachel. BROOKE: She..What? Haley: I pick Nathan. BROOKE: Wait. Girl: Nathan's got Haley. BEVIN: I get Skills. Girl: Skills to Bevin. BROOKE: Wait(!) (The rest of the girls shout out who they want.) BEVIN: This is awesome. Everyone got who they wanted. Good idea Brooke. RACHEL: (whispers to Brooke) super. (The girls are all sitting around enjoying the food and music. Brooke goes up and grabs Bevin by the arm. BROOKE: Bevin. What the hell was going through your size two brain? BEVIN: You said we could trade. BROOKE: Why is she wearing my necklace? BEVIN: Because that was part of the trade. BROOKE: Okay, why would you trade your third pick and my necklace for Rachel's fifth pick? BEVIN: Uh, duh, Brooke, five is more then three. (pause) Oh, made total sense when Rachel explained it. BROOKE: Right. (Brooke goes over to Rachel extremely angry.) BROOKE: Hey(!) That's my necklace. RACHEL: No, it's mine and I guess it comes with a matching boyfriend. BROOKE: Oh, you're not getting Lucas. RACHEL: Oh, really? Anyone who's caught breaking the rules will be kicked off the squad so I guess I can have your Captain spot too. (Brooke steps towards her and she turns around quickly) RACHEL: (to girls) I think Brooke deserves a great big round of applause for orchestrating this whole event. (Everyone claps and Rachel turns back to Brooke.) RACHEL: Anything else of yours I want, I'll let you know. (They all thank Brooke as they leave and Haley goes over to Peyton.) HALEY: Hey, um, I just want to say thank you for not picking Nathan. PEYTON: It wasn't me, it was you. It's about time you started to fight for your husband. (Peyton leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT.-KAREN'S CAFÉ-EVENING] (Karen and Deb are cleaning up and closing things down. The TV comes on with a campaign of Dans. It shows a clip of Karen when she got mad and smashed a chair through a window.) KAREN: (clicks off the TV mad) It's time to go negative. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - THE GYM - EVENING] (Lucas is doing the suicides run by himself trying to improve his time) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT.-KAREN'S CAFÉ-EVENING] (Deb and Karen are standing outside by a parking meter. A lady comes up and the meter expires.) LADY: Thanks for the coffee. KAREN: Anytime. (Her and Deb laugh.) LADY: (to guys in Dan's truck) Alright, lets move it out. (she bangs the side of the truck with her hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT-BROOKE'S PLACE-EVENING] (Brooke has her laptop out entering the Fantasy Boy draft results in it. She pauses next to Rachel's name not wanting to put Lucas next to it. She finally puts it in.) [For those of you who want to know all the picks they are: Peyton-Mouse, Brooke-Chris, Rachel-Lucas, Haley-Nathan, Bevin-Skills, Ashley-Fede, Kenzie-Narayan, Daniella-Zack, Victoria-Dustin, Chelsea-Daniel, and Tamara-Greg.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT-PEYTON'S BEDROOM-EVENING] (She puts the finishing touches on her sketch of her and her mother. Then she hangs it on the wall at the top of her bed. It goes next to the gravestone picture and then after that is the one of her as a baby.] LUCAS V.O.: OUT of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be, For my unconquerable soul, (Haley puts up Scott next to her last name on the map.) In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced or cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed Beyond this place of wrath and tears (Nathan picks up his bag in the locker room.) Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid It matters not how strait the gate, (Lucas finishes his suicide runs in time.) How charged with punishments is the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. ~~William Henley Invictus~~ FADE TO BLACK: END CREDITS ROLL:
Plan: A: a "Fantasy Boy Draft; Q: What does Brooke start after the cheerleaders start fighting over the same guys? A: the cheerleaders; Q: Who starts fighting over the same guys? A: Nathan; Q: What do Haley and Peyton continue to argue about? A: Dan butts heads; Q: What does Dan do to Karen as the election draws nearer? A: Lucas; Q: Who tries to keep up with the fast pace of basketball? A: Plan A Project; Q: What band did the episode "Fantasy Boy Draft" come from? Summary: Brooke starts a "Fantasy Boy Draft", after the cheerleaders start fighting over the same guys. Haley and Peyton continue to argue about Nathan. Dan butts heads with Karen as the election draws nearer. Lucas tries to keep up with the fast pace of basketball. This episode is named after a song by Plan A Project.
MUSIC IN: INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: SCREAMS FROM THE TV B.G.) BURKE: Not bad for a queen who's supposedly been dead for a few thousand years. (DOOR OPENS) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAMERA PANS THROUGH THE HOUSE TO THE KITCHEN) BURKE: (GASPS) Geez! You scared the hell out of me, Erik! You ever hear of knocking? (NILES COUGHS) BURKE: Oh, Custer's last stand. Cute. And by the way, the party doesn't start for another hour. NILES: (GASPS) Sarah...(SFX: NILES COUGHS/FALLS TO THE GROUND) BURKE: Erik!(SFX: NILES MOANS AND GASPS/ COUGHS) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT "WITCH HUNT" (TONY THROWS PAPER IN THE TRASH CAN) TONY: Ha! You're not planning on leaving early, are you? ZIVA: And if I am? TONY: I wouldn't advise it. Do you know what today is? ZIVA: Tuesday. TONY: It's Halloween, Ziva. It's an American holiday. ZIVA: I know. The wearing of silly outfits and begging for treats. I imagine it would be a Dinozzo national holiday. TONY: Well, you imagined wrong. I don't do Halloween. ZIVA: I see. Your father again, yes? TONY: I don't do Halloween because ever since I became a cop, weird things always happen on October thirty-first. ZIVA: Define weird. TONY: Grave robberies, beheadings, cattle mutilations. And McGee turning fuzzy and blue. MCGEE: What? ZIVA: What's under your shirt? MCGEE: My t-shirt. ZIVA: Okay, he's lying. TONY: Oh yeah. Oh, yeah! Ha ha ha! Ah... (LAUGHS) I knew you played a fairy on that online game, but dressing up as one? MCGEE: It's a snow elf, and I'm going to a costume party, okay? TONY: It's far from okay, Probie. In fact, I'd say that this is taking geek one step beyond. ZIVA: Oh, sadly I have to agree. I instantly felt all the respect leave my body as soon as I put this on. (LAUGHS) MCGEE: Well, normally you'd be right, but you haven't yet met my Ice Queen. TONY: You have to be kidding me. (CHUCKLES) (SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) MCGEE: Dale Samechi. She is a Redskin's cheerleader. ZIVA: Oh, very impressive. TONY: That's a very hot woman. How did you find her? MCGEE: I met her at the Armani store. Found out we played on the same gaming server together. TONY: Since when can you afford Armani? GIBBS: Gear up! ZIVA: (BEAT) Oh, god. They're McGee's. MCGEE: Well, I'm going to a costume party later tonight. GIBBS: Not anymore, Elf Lord. General Custer has been shot, and he's got a dead skeleton in his living room. TONY: What'd I tell you? Halloween. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. STREET - NIGHT (SFX: POLICE RADIOS B.G.) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) No, wait, wait. Sharon! SHARON: (V.O./FILTERED) I can't believe you're not coming! MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Well, what about next weekend. SHARON: (V.O./FILTERED) It's not Halloween! MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Look, it's not my fault. ZIVA: Oh, my poor little McGee! There'll be other Elf Queens online. TONY: She's right. Of course, they won't be Redskins cheerleaders and they'll probably weigh a few thousand pounds. ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) Not to mention there is a good chance some of them are actually men. But you play long enough? TONY: Anything can happen. GIBBS: The guy dressed as Custer is Staff Sergeant Erik Niles. LEOs are looking for his wife and daughter. Blood trail leads from his house, to the neighbor's house who called it in. Tony, Ziva, get her statement. McGee, start processing the Staff Sergeant's living room. Oh, and there's a dead John Doe in there dressed like a skeleton. (SFX: VAN BRAKES TO A STOP) ZIVA: What happened to them? TONY: Halloween.(DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) DUCKY: Sorry we're late, only we had a minor run-in with some local youths. GIBBS: Yeah, I can see that, Doctor. MCGEE: Did you get a good look at them? DUCKY: Oh, we did better than that. Release the captives, Mister Palmer! (SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN) NINJA ONE: (V.O.) Are we in trouble? NINJA TWO: (V.O.) Ah, where we at? NINJA ONE: (V.O.) We said we were sorry. DUCKY: Right. Clean it! TONY: Nice work, Palmer! JIMMY: It wasn't me, Tony. Doctor Mallard chased them for three blocks. DUCKY: Oh, please. It's not that impressive. It's not as if they were real ninjas. NINJA ONE: (V.O.) It was your idea. NINJA TWO: (V.O.) Shut up and clean! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT BURKE: I thought he was play acting at first. You know, General Custer's last stand and all that. ZIVA: You removed his jacket. Why? BURKE: To check for other wounds. There weren't any. Just a single gunshot wound that nicked his carotid artery. I'm a doctor - pediatrician. TONY: Oh, that explains why he headed over here. You probably saved his life, Doctor. BURKE: I stabilized him the best I could until the EMTs arrived. And... it's Leslie. ZIVA: Did he say anything to you? BURKE: He was trying to. I think it was his daughter's name. Sarah. I'm hoping she was with her mother when this...(SIGHS) this happened. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NILES HOME - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE MOVES AROUND THE ROOM TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS) MCGEE: Oh, that's not creepy. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE CONTINUES TAKING PHOTOS) (DOOR OPENS) MCGEE: Palmer! JIMMY: Is something wrong? MCGEE: Are you trying to get shot? JIMMY: Um, no.(DOOR CLOSES) MCGEE: There's someone in this room. JIMMY: You mean besides the dead skeleton guy? MCGEE: Yes, besides the dead skeleton guy. (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: Basement's clear, Boss. MCGEE: Look, I know what I saw. Someone policed the brass - tried to wipe up the blood. TONY: Who, Probie? The crime scene fairies? There's no one here. GIBBS: Get Ducky in here. We're wasting time. MCGEE: Boss, I'm sorry, but I swear there -- GIBBS: What do you make of this, McGee? MCGEE: Well, obvious signs of a struggle. One dead assailant. Not really sure how his head got that way, though. GIBBS: You're not? Come on, let me show you. Get on the floor. MCGEE: Well, Tony did tell me about when you demonstrated this technique-- GIBBS: Yeah? You guys talk about things like that? You learn by feeling, McGee. This is how Marines silence enemy sentries. Sixty-six pounds of pressure and then - snap! MCGEE: So Staff Sergeant Niles went down fighting. GIBBS: See? The blood spatter on the wall. He was right about where I am now when he got shot. Bullet impacted. It means the shooter was over here somewhere. MCGEE: This is where the brass is - uh, was. So two assailants? GIBBS: At least. DUCKY: Yes, the cause of death is pretty obvious. But you never know. I once had a case where a man who died of heart failure had an ice pick plunged into his skull four hours after the time of death. His wife discovered that she had been left out of his will. TONY: Good news, boss. Kids saw a car leaving the Sergeant's house around the time of the shooting. Ziva's getting a description. DUCKY: Yes, well, let's have a look at you. (SFX: TONY SHOUTS) TONY: Something just touched my foot! Something's under the couch! MCGEE: Maybe it's the crime scene fairy, Tony. TONY: Shh! I hate Halloween! (SFX: TONY SHOUTS) MCGEE: It's a Roomba. It's a robot vacuum cleaner. Uses navigational sensors to clean the floor while the owner's away. DUCKY: Yes, well your Roomba is about to interfere with your crime scene. (SFX: GIBBS SMASHES THE ROOMBA) GIBBS: Damn thing policed the brass. MCGEE: I told you I wasn't crazy. GIBBS: Bag it. DUCKY: Come on. Let's get him home. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT BOY: The door slammed, and he just drove away. ZIVA: Thanks a lot. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NILES' LIVING ROOM - NIGHT ZIVA: The boy saw a car leaving the scene that looked like a kuruma. I'm not familiar with the model. GIBBS: Kuruma is Japanese for car, Ziva. TONY: Your description of the car is car. Nice work, Officer David. MCGEE: Kuruma is the name of a car in Grand Theft Auto Three. It's a Chrysler Sebring sedan. TONY: McGeek with the save! ZIVA: I'll put out a BOLO. GIBBS: Find the Staff Sergeant's wife-- LAURIE: (V.O.) Erik! Oh, my god! Is that... is that... is that... is that my... is that my husband in there? GIBBS: Miss, that's not your husband. That's not your husband. Okay? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT REBECCA: I'm her sister. We were at the school helping set up for the Halloween party when the police came. GIBBS: Is her daughter still there? REBECCA: Sarah? She was with Erik. TONY: Amber Alert. On it, Boss. (GIBBS WALKS INTO THE LIVING ROOM) LAURA: I'm okay now. When they said Erik was shot and I saw that body, I.... GIBBS: Mrs. Niles, your husband is at Bethesda Hospital. He's in surgery. We'll take you to see him. I just need to ask you a few questions. REBECCA: Laurie, Sarah's missing. LAURA: You mean she's been kidnapped. REBECCA: They don't know that for sure, yet. MCGEE: Mrs. Niles, your daughter may have just become scared and run off. ZIVA: Perhaps there's a friend or relative's house she'd go to. LAURA: No. No, she... she would have called me on my cell phone. They took my little girl. REBECCA: They'll find her, Laurie! We just have to stay positive, okay? (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) REBECCA: That could be her right now! GIBBS: Do you mind putting that on the speaker? LAURA: (INTO PHONE) Hello? SARAH: (V.O./FILTERED) Mommy! LAURA: (INTO PHONE) Baby, are you okay? SARAH: (V.O./FILTERED) They hurt Daddy! I tried to call the police, but the man... LAURA: (INTO PHONE) Listen to me, Sarah. Everything's going to be all right. You just need to-- JANSEN: (V.O./MORPHED) We have your daughter. You will see her alive again, you'll do exactly what I say. I'll call back with instructions. (SFX: LAURA CRIES) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT DUCKY: I dressed up as a skeleton once in my youth. Did you know that the tradition of Halloween was brought over from Scotland, along with the fine sports of golf and curling? TONY: I wouldn't call anything using a broom a "sport," Ducky. DUCKY: Tony, curling is referred to as chess on ice, because it puts high demands on tactics and foresight. TONY: Relax, Ducky, I love Scotland. Sean Connery, the very best James Bond ever. MCGEE: I thought he was Irish. (DUCKY LAUGHS) MCGEE: Darby O'Gill and the Little People. TONY: He was using a fake Irish accent. It's called acting. DUCKY: The preliminary cause of death is blunt force trauma to the neck. However, once I've done the -- TONY: This guy's our only link to the missing girl. I need an I.D. DUCKY: Well, currently he remains a John Doe. He has no I.D., he has no tattoos, no distinguishing marks. Here. TONY: What about his prints? DUCKY: Mister Palmer took them up to Abby's lab. Though, she's not there and she's not answering her calls. MCGEE: Halloween's a pretty big night for Abby. TONY: Every night is Halloween to Abby. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Ah, there you are. Is she here yet? JIMMY: Oh, she's here, and she is in costume. TONY: Oh, yeah? What's it like? JIMMY: Trust me, you wouldn't want me to ruin the surprise. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE AND TONY WATCH ABBY) ABBY: ABBY: Oh, sorry I was late, you guys. I couldn't hear my cell phone ringing at the party. You'd think a cemetery would be a little quieter. It's awful about that little girl! Getting kidnapped on Halloween. Totally creepy. I'm running my skeleton's fingerprints through AFIS. (CONT.) I'm starting with Virginia and Maryland, and then a subset of all known child molesters on the East Coast. I've got an Amber Alert running, no hits yet. We've got to find her! (BEAT) Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have food in my teeth or something? TONY: No, uh... I'll just stick with or something. I need to run our dead guy's photo against mug shots. ABBY: (LONG BEAT) Give me. TONY: The camera, McGeek. MCGEE: The camera. Sorry. TONY: We need to put out a BOLO. See if anyone recognizes our guy. ABBY: McGee, what is wrong with you? You look three cans short of a six-pack. MCGEE: Nothing, it's just... you look different. TONY: He means the Halloween costume, Marilyn. ABBY: Oh, right! Sweet, huh? MCGEE: Yeah. TONY: Yeah. (CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Dinozzo.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Woodbridge P.D. has a kid who says he may have seen a Sebring in the neighborhood. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay, on it. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) We also got a picture of our skeleton without the makeup. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Send him. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I'll see if I can get the wife to I.D. him. What's the condition of the Staff Sergeant? TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) He's still in surgery. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) According to the doctors, we won't be able to interview him until tomorrow. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Tomorrow's too late. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah. Kidnappers call back yet? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Nope. It makes me wonder. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) If she's still alive? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) No. What they want with an enlisted Marine who makes less than thirty-two thousand dollars... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) ... a year. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I was kind of wondering the same thing. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Find out.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT LAURA: How long do I have to sit here? REBECCA: They're doing everything they can for us, Laurie. ZIVA: You must try to stay calm. LAURA: That's easy for you to say. Do you have children, Officer David? ZIVA: No. But I know what it's like to lose a member of my family. (SFX: LAURA SOBS) ZIVA: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-- REBECCA: Nice! Thank you. Sarah will be fine, Laurie. You have to believe that. ZIVA: Our skeleton John Doe. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT GIBBS: She recognize him? ZIVA: I haven't showed it to her yet. Apparently everything I say makes her cry! GIBBS: Ziva, her husband is in critical condition. Her daughter's been kidnapped. ZIVA: I know! I'm just not very good with the crying and the women and the-- GIBBS: That makes two of us. ZIVA: I also believe she's hiding something. She seems conflicted, like... like she's holding something back. GIBBS: I'll show you something. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT ZIVA: One shirt. Our Staff Sergeant wasn't living here. GIBBS: Is that a question or a statement? ZIVA: Actually, more of a - you want me to find out why. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. STREET - NIGHT MCGEE: You saw the Sebring driving that way? BREEN: (MUMBLES) TONY: What?! Is that German? Are you speaking German? Is that German? BREEN: (MUMBLES) MCGEE: You're saying two people. BREEN: (MUMBLES) TONY: Two people where? BREEN: (MUMBLES) TONY: What is that? A manhole cover? They were moving manhole cover? What is that - a rake? BREEN: (MUMBLES) MCGEE: Yeah, I know. He's just saying you're bad at charades, you know. TONY: All right, screw this. (SFX: TONY TEARS OFF BREEN'S MASK) BREEN: Youch! Dude! You ruined my costume! TONY: Do you want to be charged with obstructing a Federal investigation, huh? Then speak, Zombie! BREEN: Okay, look. I saw a Sebring, right? And I think there were two people in it. TONY: Which way did it go? BREEN: That way. Yeah, it cut the corner so hard it ran over the curb. TONY: All right, show me. (SFX: BREEN HOWLS) TONY: Don't be a wise guy. BREEN: Okay. Okay, look. It crashed into all that stuff, right? And then it drove off that way. MCGEE: Did you get a look at the license plate? BREEN: Dude, I can barely see you two with all this makeup on. (MUFFLED) Thank you. (SFX: BREEN HOWLS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. STREET CORNER - NIGHT TONY: You got a time of death on the Great Pumpkin here, Charlie Brown? MCGEE: I might have more than that. The car left an impression on it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT GIBBS: This is the guy that was fighting with your husband. LAURA: Sorry, Agent Gibbs. I don't recognize him. REBECCA: Think, Laurie. Maybe you saw him at a store or the mall. LAURA: I said I don't know him! Can I talk to Erik? GIBBS: Sure. He's still in surgery. When he gets out, we'll put him on the phone with you. REBECCA: It's going to be all right. We need to have faith. LAURA: Stop touching me! (LAURA WALKS TO THE SINK/RINSES HER FACE) GIBBS: I know what you're going through, Laurie. I know.... I know there's nothing I can say-- LAURA: Have you ever had a daughter kidnapped? GIBBS: (BEAT) Kidnapped, no. But I promise to do everything I can do to bring your daughter home safe. LAURA: I believe you, Agent Gibbs. I just hope it'll be enough. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT ABBY: Dawn of the Dead was awesome! TONY: Cinematic blasphemy. Fast zombies? There's a reason you don't remake classics. ABBY: John Carpenter's The Thing. TONY: Well, there's an exception to every rule. ABBY: The Fly. TONY: Maybe two. MCGEE: Didn't you say that Al Pacino in Scarface was the best-- TONY: Okay! But my point is zombies should be slow. ABBY: Tony, there's nothing scary about a zombie dragging his butt around. TONY: Well, a zombie is not a zombie unless it's dragging his butt around. MCGEE: You liked Twenty Eight Days Later. Those zombies were really quick. TONY: Okay, enough with the zombies already! We find an impression on the vegetable or not? MCGEE: Technically it's a fruit. ABBY: We're finished rendering the laser scan on the Great Pumpkin surface. McGee, can you invert the image... as soon as you're done undressing me with your eyes. And bring up the gamma, and increase the contrast. And swap it. Oh, smashing pumpkins! It's a left hand side of a Virginia license plate! TONY: Nice work, Abs! Run it, McGee! MCGEE: First four letters, cross referencing against Chrysler Sebrings. And we got a hit. The car was registered to a rental car company in Catlett, Virginia.(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) TONY: (LAUGHS) Yes! Dinozzo does it again. MCGEE: I think you mean Abby and I did it again. Ow! What's that for? ABBY: Those days ended the moment you started sexing up the cheerleader. TONY: All right, find out who rented that car. I'm about to make Gibb's night. MCGEE: Uh, wait a second, Tony. There is no name. The car was reported stolen three days ago. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT ZIVA: Our Staff Sergeant moved into the Quantico bachelor enlisted quarters three weeks ago. GIBBS: Marital problems? ZIVA: Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him. GIBBS: Scuttlebutt's not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip. ZIVA: And then you wonder why I have a problem with your language. (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS B.G.) GIBBS: Okay, stay calm. Tell him you want to talk to Sarah. Can you do that for me, Laurie? LAURA: Okay. (INTO PHONE) Sarah? JANSEN: (V.O./MORPHED) Try again. LAURA: (INTO PHONE) I want to talk to my daughter right now or I'm... I'm hanging up. JANSEN: (V.O./MORPHED) Hang up and she dies, Mrs. Niles. LAURA: (INTO PHONE) I want to talk to her right now. JANSEN: (V.O./MORPHED) Talk is cheap. You want to see her alive again, that'll cost. LAURA: (INTO PHONE) Whatever it is, whatever you want, I'll do it! I give you my word. JANSEN: (V.O./MORPHED) A hundred thousand in small bills. You have until dawn to get it. LAURA: (INTO PHONE) Yes, okay. Now ... now just please let me talk to my daughter. JANSEN: (V.O./MORPHED) Money first, then you can talk. (END TELEPHONE CONVERSATION) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING JANSEN: (V.O.) Scared little darling? Good. You should be.(MUFFLED/ SARAH CRIES B.G.) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. NILES HOME - NIGHT ZIVA: (V.O.) The call wasn't long enough to trace. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT ZIVA: We'll get another chance when he calls her back to tell her where to drop off the ransom. GIBBS: Laurie, I'd like to talk to you... alone. REBECCA: It's okay, honey. I'll be right here if you need me. I'm not going anywhere. GIBBS: Tell Dinozzo I want that John Doe I.D.'d in an hour. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT LAURA: We don't have a hundred thousand dollars sitting in the basement, Agent Gibbs. Maybe my parents can get it, but it's going to take time. (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: Yeah, we can help you with that, but I need some answers first. LAURA: Anything. GIBBS: Sit down. So Laurie, why did your husband move out of your house and onto base? LAURA: What does that have to do with this? GIBBS: Maybe nothing, but I need to know. LAURA: We were having some problems, Erik wanted a trial separation. GIBBS: Why? LAURA: I made a mistake, a stupid mistake eight years ago. GIBBS: What kind of mistake? (BEAT) Laurie, look, I've been married four times. I've made every mistake in the book. LAURA: Right before we were married, Erik - he...he broke off our engagement for a few weeks. I saw an old boyfriend. It was a stupid fling. I pretended it never happened. GIBBS: Erik's not your daughter's biological father? LAURA: I don't know! But even if I did, it doesn't matter! GIBBS: How did your husband find out? LAURA: My ex-boyfriend. Last month he showed up and demanded Sarah take a paternity test. When I refused, he threatened me. GIBBS: I need his name - address. LAURA: Robert Miller. I have no idea what his address is. GIBBS: He live in Virginia? LAURA: Used to. GIBBS: Age, weight, eye and hair color. We can run him down through DMV. LAURA: He's twenty-eight years old. Brown hair, green eyes. Maybe a hundred and eighty pounds? (SFX: CELLPHONE TOUCH TONES) (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: Laurie, what aren't you telling me? LAURA: It's my fault. I... I... (DOOR OPENS) REBECCA: Laurie, you okay in here? (SFX: LAURIE SOBS) LAURA: No! I destroyed my family. REBECCA: Don't you think she's been through enough already? GIBBS: Could Miller have done this? MILLER: Maybe. I...I don't know. I just want my baby back. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) TONY: (INTO PHONE) She's just telling you this now? (SCENE CUT) ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean-- [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT ZIVA: (V.O./FILTERED) ... she'd tell me everything, Tony.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) MCGEE: Robert Miller, there's over three hundred listed in the Tri-State area alone. TONY: Narrow the search with the criteria, Probie. MCGEE: Still over a hundred Robert Millers listed. TONY: We've got her cell phone records, right? MCGEE: When we tapped her lines. TONY: So check to see if Robert Miller called in the last month. MCGEE: Abby's right. I am three beers short of a six-pack. TONY: I think she was talking about your abs, McFlabby. MCGEE: Okay, three calls, about a month ago. Called from his home phone. TONY: Called from his home phone - three calls in the last month. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NILES BEDROOM - NIGHT REBECCA: My sister can barely stand, here. Is there any way we can let her get some rest? GIBBS: Sure. ZIVA: We've got an address. GIBBS: (QUIETLY) Keep an eye on them. If the kidnappers call again, you tell him no more money until we talk to the girl. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (V.O.) Last time I did Halloween, I was an astronaut [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING TONY: The neighborhood I grew up in, well, it wasn't really a neighborhood. There were these estates with mansions smack dab in the middle of them, with really long driveways. It made Halloween very tricky. It's a lot of walking. God, my feet were tired that night. Dogs were barking. MCGEE: Yeah, I can imagine it really sucks growing up rich like that. TONY: My costume was fantastic, though. Wicked awesome! I was a space man. No ventilation, though. Burning up, sweating like Roger Federer after a five-set tie breaker, and stinky. Stinky like cheese. But man what a haul! I made off with more candy than I could carry. MCGEE: God, I imagine this story's coming to an end soon. TONY: But when I got home, old man made me throw it all away. Even the apples. MCGEE: He was concerned about your teeth. TONY: Oh, no. I made my astronaut costume out of one of his three thousand dollar designer ski suits. MCGEE: Ouch. TONY: I don't think I sat down again until Christmas. Good times, Probie. Good times. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT (SFX: VOICES B.G.) (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) (SFX: DOORS OPEN/CLOSE) MCGEE: Kuruma. GIBBS: Plates match. It's Miller's stolen ride. TONY: This is his building. Second floor, apartment two oh seven. Halloween doesn't have to suck after all. MCGEE: Something was burned in here recently. It's still smoldering.(SFX: CHILDREN'S VOICES B.G.) GIBBS: Pop the trunk, McGee. (SFX: TRUNK OPENS) GIBBS: Let's get this sonovabitch! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: MUSIC B.G.) (SFX: GIRL SCREAMS B.G.) (SFX: DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: PARTY B.G.) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Federal Agents! PARAGON: Yeah, all right! (SFX: APPLAUSE) PARAGON: Great group costume, guys, but you spelled CSI wrong on your hats. GIBBS: Robert Miller. PARAGON: Somebody's in a bad mood. (F/X: GIBBS GRABS PARAGON) PARAGON: (V.O.) Right over there by the blue alien ladies. TONY: It's not easy being a root vegetable, is it? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS ACROSS THE ROOM) GIBBS: Robert Miller. MILLER: (IN KLINGON) Hab sosli' quch! MCGEE: Boss, he just said, "Your mother has a smooth forehead." It's a Klingon insult! TONY: You speak Klingon? MCGEE: Not fluently, but yes. GIBBS: Federal agents. MILLER: (IN KLINGON) Jeghbe thlinganpu! MCGEE: Now he's saying Klingons don't surrender. (F/X: GIBBS SHOVES MILLER INTO THE WALL) GIBBS: Are you Robert Miller? MILLER: Who are you people? (BEAT) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! GIBBS: Sarah Niles! Where is she? MILLER: That bitch sent you here! My lawyer says I have a right to know if she's my child. I'm just trying to do the right thing. If she's my daughter, I just want to be a part of her life! She looks exactly like me! (BEAT) Well, except for the fake teeth and the bumps on the forehead. GIBBS: Is that why you kidnapped her? MILLER: I didn't kidnap anybody. GIBBS: The car that was used is parked outside downstairs. MILLER: Well, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. I've been here all day with my friends getting ready for this party. You can ask them. MCGEE: Boss, no sign of Sarah. MILLER: See? I told you! TONY: The only thing I hate worst than Halloween are Klingons. MILLER: Look, ask them, okay? Ask the guy with the cheese head hat. Ask the vampire, David Lee Roth, Carrot Man. Ask him! PARAGON: This has gone far enough. I happen to be a lawyer. TONY: Good! The only thing I hate worse than Klingons are lawyers. MILLER: I didn't do anything, all right? Laurie's the one who threatened me. She told me that her husband... her husband was going to kill me if I didn't leave her alone. Ask her. GIBBS: Dinozzo. (SFX: GIBBS HANDCUFFS MILLER) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Ziva. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Boss wants to talk to the mom. (SFX: ZIVA WALKS TO THE BEDROOM) (KNOCK ON DOOR) ZIVA: Mrs. Niles? Agent Gibbs needs to talk to you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT ZIVA: (V.O.) Mrs. Niles?(KNOCK ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA SEARCHES THE BEDROOM) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) TONY: General Kang crying, or is that just sweat? MCGEE: Half hour alone in a room with angry Gibbs? Even Klingons have their limits. TONY: What's he been doing to him? MCGEE: Mostly staring. TONY: Maybe that's a new interrogation technique. MCGEE: Well, it seems to be working. It's definitely creeping me out. Did you check his alibi? TONY: Well, according to six people, Worf here was at the party when the little girl was kidnapped. MCGEE: Well, shouldn't we tell Gibbs that? TONY: Well, I don't know, Probie. Have you figured out how the kidnapper's car was outside of his apartment yet? MCGEE: He could have hired somebody to kidnap her. TONY: Or he was being framed. MILLER: (FILTERED) I'm trying to cooperate, Agent Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM MILLER: Aren't you going to say anything? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: DRAWER SLIDES SHUT) ZIVA: I screwed up, Ducky. I knew the Staff Sergeant's wife was hiding something, that she wasn't telling us the whole truth. And do you know what I did? I allowed myself to feel sorry for her. Ah! And do you know what that makes me? DUCKY: Human. ZIVA: A chimp! JIMMY: I think she means chump, Doctor. You see, a chimp is an animal, Ziva, whereas a chump is someone who is easily taken advantage of or - or fooled. DUCKY: Mister Palmer. JIMMY: I'm not saying that you are-- DUCKY: Would you mind giving us a moment alone? (JIMMY WALKS O.S.) DUCKY: He means well.(DOOR CLOSES) ZIVA: He's right. DUCKY: You're being too hard on yourself. ZIVA: I let Laurie Niles and her sister climb out of a bedroom window in the middle of our investigation. Perhaps they should throw me a parade, yes? DUCKY: The question we should be asking ourselves is why, Ziva. Two thirds of all child abductions are by a biological relative. ZIVA: She kidnapped her own child. DUCKY: You know what they say about a mother bear and her cubs. ZIVA: They eat them when the food runs out. I saw it in a documentary Tony forced me to watch - Grizzly Man. DUCKY: I was referring to a mother bear's protective nature when her cubs are threatened. There's no deadlier creature on the planet. ZIVA: I agree. They also ate the man who shot the footage and his girlfriend. DUCKY: Yeah, well that's perfectly dreadful. ZIVA: That's what I said to Tony! DUCKY: My point is, Laurie Niles may have been trying to protect her daughter. The husband filed for separation. Another man was claiming to be the child's father. ZIVA: She didn't want to lose or share custody of Sarah. DUCKY: That's one possibility. What does Gibbs think? ZIVA: Hard to tell. He's currently not talking to me. DUCKY: Well, chin up, dear. It could be worse. ZIVA: Hm. How? DUCKY: He could be a bear. ZIVA: Hm. (DUCKY AND ZIVA CHUCKLE) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT MILLER: You know, we're wasting time here. Right now there's someone out there with my daughter doing God knows what. GIBBS: Alleged. MILLER: What? GIBBS: Alleged daughter, Miller. MILLER: Whether I'm her father or not, she's still Laurie's daughter. I still care about what happens to her. GIBBS: I believe you. MILLER: Then why are we just sitting here? GIBBS: You're sitting. I'm waiting. MILLER: Waiting for what?! (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Talk to me, Abs. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) I've got everything for you, Gibbs. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) On my way. TONY: Checked Miller's alibi. GIBBS: He didn't do it. I know. MCGEE: You mind telling us how? GIBBS: Spent forty minutes with him. MCGEE: Well, all you really did was stare at him. GIBBS: Have you ever tried reading a Klingon's face, McGee? It ain't exactly easy. ABBY: (V.O.) I've I.D.ed our skeleton. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY ABBY: Our dead John is no longer a Doe. I got a hit on him from the DMV database. Lee Varon. He's thirty-eight years old, from Fredericksburg, Virginia. No criminal record. GIBBS: I want everything on this guy from birth until Ducky cracked his sternum. (GIBBS HITS MCGEE AND TONY) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Yeah! On it, Boss! TONY AND MCGEE: (IN UNISON) Right! GIBBS: Not bad for a blonde. ABBY: You know, there's no statistical evidence that say blondes have lower I.Q.s than any other hair color. GIBBS: I'll take your word for it, Abs. ABBY: There's more, if you're interested, Mister President. I ran some tests on the piece of burnt paper found inside the kidnapper's car. There were no finger prints, but I did find traces of chemicals. GIBBS: Ink? ABBY: Yes, when I applied my own special and unique brand of chemical, ran it through the laser scanner a few times, we get... this. The miracle that separates us from all other primates. Really bad penmanship. (SFX: KEYBOARDING) ZIVA: Miller's home address. Probably given to the kidnapper by the Staff Sergeant's wife. GIBBS: She didn't kidnap her daughter. ZIVA: Then where is Laurie Niles, Gibbs? GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Last time I saw her, with you. ZIVA: Okay, I admit I screwed that one up. But why did she run? GIBBS: She was hiding something. ZIVA: So you do agree with me? GIBBS: Oh, yeah. You definitely screwed up. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) ABBY: Is there something I should know? ZIVA: I think he's planning on devouring me. ABBY: And they say blondes have all the fun. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Our dead skeleton served in the Air Force. Received an other-than-honorable discharge in two thousand three. Did one year of community college. TONY: He was a security guard, Boss. Worked for a law firm, Kapp and Associates, in Annandale, Virginia. ZIVA: Laurie Niles also works for Kapp and Associates, Gibbs. She's their chief financial officer. TONY: So she knew him. GIBBS: Oh yeah. ZIVA: She hired him to abduct her daughter. I mean, it's the only thing that makes sense. GIBBS: There's another reason. They kidnapped her because they want Laurie to do something. ZIVA: Like what? (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) MCGEE: Oooh. Got a hit on a BOLO here. GIBBS: Yeah, and, McGee? MCGEE: This is strange because I just entered it into the system. It's Varon's vehicle and it's been moving... GIBBS: There's a cop following it? MCGEE: No, the hits were generated electronically. It's his E-Z Pass for high speed toll lanes. TONY: He's doing a lot of driving for a dead guy. ZIVA: He left Woodbridge right after Laurie Niles and her sister disappeared. TONY: Made a little run up to Manassas, not too far from Miller's apartment. MCGEE: The last hit was five minutes ago.... ZIVA: Annandale. One exit from Kapp and Associates Law Firm. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAW FIRM - DAY ZIVA: We're in. (WHISPERS) That's from Sarah's costume. Clear!(DOOR OPENS) TONY: Plates match our skeleton's car in the parking lot. GIBBS: You two... find the girl. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS AND MCGEE MOVE ACROSS THE ROOM/ DOWN THE HALLWAY) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY MCGEE: In the last office. Far room! Far room! I have visual contact... (V.O./FILTERED) on the sisters. (ON CAMERA) There's one male Caucasian, (V.O./FILTERED) approximately thirty-five years old, holding them hostage (ON CAMERA) with a semi-automatic weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY GIBBS: You got a positive I.D. on the little girl? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY MCGEE: That's a negative. I can only see the left side of the room, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAW FIRM OFFICE - DAY (SFX: KEYBOARDING/ BEEP TONES) LAURA: I'm in. The insurance money is here. All three million. JANSEN: Now all you have to do is transfer it to these accounts and we call it a day. LAURA: I want my daughter first! JANSEN: You'll get her once you transfer the cash. You've been smart so far, Mrs. Niles. You played along to protect your little princess. Hate to see you blow it now. LAURA: You shot my husband! JANSEN: I didn't have a choice. We were supposed to kidnap him and the girl, but he chose to fight back. Don't make the same mistake. LAURA: How... how do I know you're not going to just kill us when I transfer this? JANSEN: I'll kill you if you don't. REBECCA: We've come this far, Laurie! Just do it and let's end this. Please. LAURA: NCIS is going to figure this out. JANSEN: I've had those Navy cops running around all night. They're clueless. Now transfer the damn money! GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Federal Agents! MCGEE: Drop your weapon!(SFX: GUNFIRE) (SFX: SARAH GASPS) REBECCA: They still have Sarah. MCGEE: If she's in the building, we'll find her. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA AND TONY WALK THROUGH THE HALLWAY) TONY: (INTO RADIO) I'm clear in the hallway. (DOOR OPENS) ZIVA: (WHISPERS) Clear! (DOOR OPENS) (SFX: SARAH GASPS/MUFFLED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAW OFFICE REBECCA: Laurie! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Hey, we're friends with your mommy. We're here to take you home. TONY: (INTO RADIO) We have the little girl. I repeat... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAW OFFICE - DAY TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) We have the little girl. GIBBS: Hey, hold up! Hold up! Hold up! We've got Sarah. MCGEE: Once we secure the building you and your sister can see her. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/LAURA ATTACKS REBECCA) LAURA: (SHOUTS) She's not my sister!! She's one of them! Told me if I didn't lie to you, they'd kill my baby! GIBBS: Stop! LAURA: All they wanted was the stupid money! MCGEE: Gun! LAURA: (SHOUTS) Sarah! SARAH: Mommy!(SFX: LAURIE AND SARAH SOB B.G.) LAURA: Oh, baby! I missed you so much! Are you okay? GIBBS: Apparently she doesn't have a sister. TONY: Halloween, Ziva. Be glad it only happens once a year. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DUCKY: The sky is blue, the grass is green. May we have our Halloween! That's how we used to say trick-or-treat in Scotland. SARAH: Thank you. DUCKY: You're most welcome, your highness. ABBY: We have a lot of desks to get to. LAURA: You didn't have to do this. TONY: Well, every kid deserves a happy Halloween. SARAH: (V.O.) Trick or treat! ZIVA: Your husband is awake and asking for you and his daughter. MCGEE: There's a car waiting for you when you're ready. LAURA: Please let Agent Gibbs know how much I appreciate him keeping his word. And that I'm sorry I lied to him. I was... I was just trying to protect. TONY: Trust me. He knows. SARAH: Look at this! (GIGGLES) (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF GIBBS' DAUGHTER TRICK OR TREATING) (DAUGHTER'S VOICE: "Daddy! Daddy, I got more candy!") (MUSIC UP AND OUT)
Plan: A: a Marine colonel; Q: Who dies in an explosion at a military golf course? A: the NCIS team; Q: Who investigates a suspected terrorist attack? A: the help; Q: What does the Army Criminal Investigative Division provide to NCIS? A: the Army Criminal Investigative Division; Q: Who helps NCIS investigate a suspected terrorist attack? A: The CIA; Q: Who gave NCIS a lead to an abandoned warehouse? A: things; Q: What takes a sinister turn when NCIS and Army CID invade an abandoned warehouse? A: a trap; Q: What is the warehouse actually? A: the warehouse; Q: What is rigged with a bomb? A: Gibbs' orders; Q: What did Ziva go against to defuse the bomb? A: both groups; Q: Who does Ziva preserve evidence for? A: a brief reprimand; Q: What did Gibbs give Ziva for defusing the bomb? A: McGee; Q: Who uses his computer skills to uncover the terrorist cell? A: his computer skills; Q: What does McGee use to break into the government files? A: the secret government files; Q: What does McGee break into to uncover the terrorist cell? A: the Marine colonel's son; Q: Who does Tony try to stop from dropping out of college and enlisting? A: his father's death; Q: What is the son of the Marine colonel hoping to avenge? Summary: When a Marine colonel dies in an explosion at a military golf course, the NCIS team must investigate a suspected terrorist attack with the help from the Army Criminal Investigative Division (CID). The CIA gives them a lead to an abandoned warehouse. However, things take a sinister turn when both NCIS and Army CID invade and discover that it is actually a trap - the warehouse is rigged with a bomb set to go off any second. Ziva goes against Gibbs' orders and is successful in defusing the bomb, preserving any evidence for both groups to use, but earns a brief reprimand from Gibbs for doing so. In the meantime, McGee uses his computer skills to break into the secret government files to uncover the terrorist cell while Tony embarks on a personal quest of his own as he attempts to stop the Marine colonel's son from dropping out of college and enlisting in hopes of avenging his father's death.
Angel: "Previously on Angel:" Angel morphs into vamp face and baby Connor calms and smiles at him. Cordy to Fred: "Angel's feelings are the only ones I care about." Groo overhears and turns away. Cordy: "I got dosed with demon DNA for that man." Skip turning her into a demon. Cordy lighting up like a Christmas tree in "The Price" Lorne: "Wesley's taking the baby away - for good." Wes gets his throat slashed by Justine. Justine runs off with Connor. Holtz pushes Justine aside and jumps through the rift with the baby in his arms. Justine: "Daniel!" Sahjhan: "What you are looking into is the Quor-toth." Connor drops through the rift in the lobby and levels his stake launcher at Angel. Connor: "Hi dad." Angel: "You're not alone." Connor: "I know." Angel pushes Holtz up against the wall: "You stole my son!" Holtz: "I kept your son alive." Fred: "What do you think he'll do?" Gunn: "Angel will deal with Holtz in his own way." Justine: "I can't." Holtz: "You said you'd do anything for me." Crying, Justine stabs Holtz in the neck with the awl. Hyperion, night, Groo walks into the lobby carrying a tray decorated with greens and two glass-mugs on it. Cordy: "Hi. What you got there?" Groo sets the tray down: "Well, I know you had grave concern for Angel's welfare, so I made some Mock-Na." Cordy: "Oh. Mock-Na. Which is..?" Groo: "A soothing brew to relieve tension." Cordy: "Ah. Kind of looks like muddy water." Groo: "Yes! (Picks up a mug and smells it) The mud gives it body and flavor. Of course there is no Plockweed in this dimension, so I made due with creeping fig and sour cress in the garden. Though it is not true Mock-Na, it is very close to the real thing." Cordy smiling brightly: "So it's mock Mock-Na." Groo offers her a mug: "Please." Cordy takes it with a smile at him and takes a tiny sip. Cordy: "Well, that's, ah... I mean, I can feel the tension draining already. (Hands the mug back to Groo.) And a little sediment going down the wrong... (Coughs a little then smiles at him brightly) Hmm, tasty." Groo: "And might I further relieve you by at first gently then more rapidly rubbing your Schlug-Tee?" Cordy looks at the grin on his face. Cordy: "Ah, I don't really... uhm. Maybe later at home." Sees Groo's smile melt away and steps up close to him. Cordy whispering: "I don't feel comfortable doing *it* in the office, Groo." Groo: "Doing 'it?'" Cordy: "s*x." Groo: "Oh, you wish to have s*x?" Cordy, throwing a quick look around: "What? No! Shh!" Groo: "I was proposing a massage of your Schlug-Tee, your tense neck muscle, but - it is always an honor to make s*x with you. (Smiles then leans closer and whispers) Later,at home. I understand perfectly." Cordy stares straight ahead: "Angel." Groo pulls back with a sigh: "Is not who I am, princess." Cordy: "I know. He's back." Cordy walks past Groo out into the lobby where Angel stands. Cordy: "You didn't happen to hear..." Angel: "Hear what?" Cordy: "Good. So, how did it go?" Angel: "I found Holtz." Cordy: "And?" Angel: "I didn't kill him." Cordy: "Maybe you're growing as a person. What did you do?" Angel: "We talked." Cordy: "About Connor-ah, Steven." Angel: "Yeah. Did he - come home?" Cordy: "No, he's still out with Gunn and Fred. You - said home." Angel: "Yeah. It's a long story, but Holtz wants what's best for him." Cordy: "And what's best for him is living here with us?" Angel smiles just a bit and Cordy throws her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. Cordy: "That's great! Oh, my god, I'm so happy for you." Cordy pulls back and she and Angel smile at each other, while Groo leans against the counter, sipping Mock-Na, watching them. Groo: "Yes. It is a happy time." Connor is holding Holtz' body cradled against him, crying. Justine: "This didn't have to happen. Your father was gonna leave. He just wanted to talk to Angelus." Connor: "Leave?" Justine: "Angelus won. He could have just walked away." Connor: "It's my fault. (Justine looks at Connor) He'll pay." Justine: "I'll help you kill him." Connor: "No." Justine: "You don't wanna kill him? After what he did? What do you wanna do?" Connor looks up into the camera, face grim. Intro Hyperion, night, Angel opens the door to one of the rooms and turns on the light. Angel: "This one might work better. He'd have southern exposure. Not too close to my room. I don't want him to feel like I'm - hovering." Cordy watches from the door with a smile as Angel walks around straightening up the room. Angel: "But not too far. I wanna keep an eye. - What do you think?" Cordy: "I think it's just as good as the last five we looked at. It's not about the room it's about Connor... (sighs) I still can't get used to calling him Steven." Angel sitting on the bed: "Neither can I. It's what Holtz... it's what he wants to go by." Cordy: "Okay, Steven, Connor, whatever. But, it's about your son living here, getting to know his father." Angel: "I don't even own a TV. (Gets up) He's gonna wanna watch TV. Not too much, I mean, after homework and chores. He's gonna need clothes, weekly allowance... What's good nowadays? Fifty cents, a dollar?" Cordy: "Yeah. If you're Tom Sawyer painting the fence." Angel drops back down on the bed: "See? I'm so out of touch. (Sighs) He's gonna hate me." Cordy comes to sit next to him: "No, he's not. He's gonna love you." Angel: "How do you know?" Cordy: "Because you're you." Angel: "Me. A vampire." Cordy: "You, a vampire." Angel: "Who drinks blood, keeps to the shadows, and is older than everybody he knows put together." Cordy: "You're all those things, plus tight with a buck. But none of that matters." Angel: "Why not?" Cordy: "Because you have the biggest and best heart of anyone I've ever known. He's a smart kid. He'll figure it out. It's gonna be alright." Angel looks at her and she gives him a smile. Angel: "You really..." Cordy: "Aren't I? (Laughs) Feeling better, or do you need to keep looking at rooms?" Angel: "Both." Lorne from the open door: "Hey, he can have mine." Cordy: "What do you mean?" Lorne: "Leaving - on the midnight train to Georgia. Actually it's the nine eighteen flight to Vegas tomorrow, but where is the poetry in that?" Angel: "Is this because of Connor? - Steven." Lorne: "This is because of me. A buddy of mine has a club just off the strip, and he needs a singer and a seer. I could maybe do a little good." Cordy: "Well, what about rebuilding your club here?" Lorne: "That's a great idea, pixie-cat. Except every time I do, you all seem to destroy it." Cordy: "It was only - three times." Lorne: "You know, I got the big love here, and I'm grateful for the hospitality, but it's - it's time to move on." Angel stepping closer: "But some of this is because of..." Lorne: "The not so little nipper? I'm not gonna lie. Kid's in the mix. Clearly not loving the demon kind. And-and I know it's the way he was raised, and I loved that little baby - I just wouldn't, ah..." Cordy: "What?" Lorne: "Turn my back on him any time soon." Night, a pickup truck pulls into a deserted meadow and comes to a stop under some trees. Justine and Connor get out and walk around to the back of the truck. Connor: "No white cliffs?" Justine: "Not in this neck of the woods. Sorry. Still looks like where he came from though." Connor: "Eng-land? Maybe it's like the ranch." Justine: "The ranch?" Connor: "Where I was supposed to grow up - in Utah." Justine, smiles: "He told you about that? That was our dream." Connor: "He always told it, before sleep. Him and me, where no one else could ever find us." Justine swallows, no longer smiling: "Yeah. We should - we need to bury him." Connor: "No." He opens the back of the truck, throws a tarp aside, and lifts a blanket to reveal Holtz' body. Justine picking up a shovel: "I'll do it." Connor: "No. He was bitten by the beast. He may rise again." Justine looks at the two neck wounds and we get flashbacks of her killing Holtz. Holtz: "You said you'd do anything for me." Justine puts the shovel down. Connor leaning over Holtz: "I will do as you taught me. I will cling to the good - and I will lay waste to the evil. (He leans down to kiss Holtz' brow) Sleep now, father - and forgive me." Connor throws Holtz' body onto the ground and picks up a sledgehammer (?). Connor swings and we hear a crunching noise as Justine turns her head away. Lilah walks through a dingy, half-empty bar to a table where Wesley sits staring at the beer and shot glasses on the table in front of him. Lilah: "Mind if I join you?" Wes: "On many levels and with great intensity." Wes pours a shot into his beer. Lilah sits down: "How's your throat? Need a lozenge? Life's something, huh? One day you're a pivotal figure in the big battle, next thing you know, you're thrown out on your lonesome. No one even cares what you think any more. Well - I care." Wes: "You care." Lilah: "As one human being to another. (Smiles and raises an eyebrow at Wes) Just kidding. I care that your great big brain is going to waste. Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't Angel Jr. a thing without precedent in human history?" Wes: "You're wrong. (Takes a sip of his beer) Mesopotamian, Greek, Hindi, Celtic myth, the bible, even Darwin, all support the coming of something that wasn't possible before." Lilah: "Okay. - The impossible is here. But what does it mean? Is it the herald of a new age, better things to come or - the mass-destruction of everything we hold dear?" Wes staring straight ahead: "Yes. Every child born carries into the world the possibility of salvation - or slaughter." Lilah: "And one born to two vampires carries it in spades. Now, my people will be rooting - for slaughter. And your people... sorry - your *former* people, they won't know what to do if things turn sour." Wes looks down: "No." Lilah: "So, if the kid's the next Stalin, do you kill him? You can't! He's Angel's son. But on the other hand, if you just watch while he up and kills Angel or somebody else - that cure girl from Texas, say? - Wow, times like this? Glad I don't have a conscience." Wes: "I think you should leave now." Lilah puts a hand up to her throat: "What was it like? When she cut you?" Wes grabs her by the throat: "You terribly anxious to find out?" Connor and Justine stand and watch Holtz' body within the flames of the pyre they have built. Groo is lying on the settee in the lobby. Gunn and Fred hurry in from outside. Gunn: "Nobody's here." Fred: "Good." Gunn: "Bad. We got to find Angel and tell him we screwed up. (Fred looks at him) Okay, get your point." Fred: "Where is everybody?" Groo gets up: "I'm here. - Cordelia and Angel are upstairs trying out bedrooms. (Gunn and Fred stare, then look at each other) For Angel's son." Fred, Gunn: "Oh." They hear voices from upstairs. Cordy and Angel walk down the hall together. Cordy: "I'm not telling your sixteen year old boy that." Angel: "Well, someone has to make sure he knows the facts of life. My track record with the whole man/woman thing isn't, you know... I don't wanna use the words 'tragic farce' but..." They turn to walk down the stairs into the lobby. Cordy: "Why not? You're still telling him." Angel: "You could help fill in the blanks. He's gonna have questions. Like, what do you do with a woman's Schlug-Tee again?" Cordy gasps: "You and your vampire hearing! Next time you eavesdrop I'm gonna..." Takes a hold of his ear and whispers into it as the other watch. Angel: "Easy there, sailor! You use that kind of language at home?" Angel walks over to Gunn and Fred. Angel: "Where is he?" Fred: "Ah..." Gunn: "He ran away. He overheard us saying you were going to Holtz." Angel: "Then that's where he went." Fred: "We were just there. We didn't see either of them." Angel sighs: "All he's gonna find is an empty room. He won't know what's happened." Gunn: "What's happened?" Cordy: "Holtz left. He wants Steven to live here with Angel." Fred: "That's good! - As long as we find him and tell him before..." Groo: "He's here." Cordy: "How can we tell him before..." Their heads turns as the door opens and Connor walks in. Cordy: "Oh." Angel takes a few steps closer to Connor, who has stopped at the top of the landing. Angel: "Hey. - You all right?" Connor: "I went to see my... - He wasn't there." Angel: "Yeah. I'm sorry. He's - he left, Steven. - He gave me this letter to give to you." Angel hands him Holtz' letter and Connor reads it. Connor: "He says my place is here now - with you." Angel: "It wouldn't have to be forever. Maybe just - give it a try for a while." Connor after a beat: "Okay. - We'll give it a try." Break Connor sits in the sun shining on his bed, rereading Holtz' letter. There is a knock on the door. Angel: "It's me." Angel opens the door. Angel: "Can I come in?" Connor looks over his shoulder at the door but stays silent. Angel picks up a bookcase and carries into the room. Angel: "I brought you a bookcase and some of my favorite books when I was your age. (Sets the bookcase down) So - can I get you some breakfast? Are you hungry?" Connor: "Not really." Angel: "We can go out. (Looks at the sun shining in through the window) I'd have to wear a Burka or something. Hey, you know, we'll stay in, hang out together, tonight we'll - do something special. You ever been to a movie?" Connor puts the letter in the drawer of his nightstand. Connor: "No." Angel: "Oh, we'll go to an action movie. You'll love it. Anything else you wanna see or do - just say the word." Connor stands up and turns to face Angel. Connor: "There is one thing." Angel: "What?" Connor lunges for Angel, but Angel easily captures and deflects Connor's hands. Connor: "I wanna know how you do that." Angel: "Fight?" They break apart. Connor: "Yes." Angel: "I think you got that down pretty good already." Connor: "I wanna learn - to be like you." Angel with the slightest smile: "Well, there might be a thing or two that I could show you." Angel is training Connor down in the lobby with the help of Gunn and Fred, who are both wearing a seat cushion on their chest. Angel: "Stake." Angel tosses a stake and Connor catches it. Angel: "Vampire!" Gunn lunges at Connor and Connor 'stakes' him. Angel: "Behind you! (Connor spins to 'stake' Fred) Civilian! Civilian! (Connor pulls his blow) Protect her, protect her!" Angel comes in to exchange a flurry of quick blows with Connor while Fred helps Gunn back to his feet. Angel: "Where is your balance? Where is your balance? Huh? You lose it (grabs a hold of Connor and pushes him over backwards so he rests awkwardly on Angel's arm) you lose. Don't worry, I got you. I got you. (Helps Connor back up) You're doing good, kid. You've got heart." Fred raising her hand: "I wanna be the vampire!" Gunn: "I wanna be in a hot tub." Cordy: "I wanna know who's cleaning this stuff up." Gunn points at Fred, who in turn points at Angel and Connor. Angel: "Yeah. It has been a long day. (To Conner) Had enough?" Connor: "No. I wanna learn." Angel smiles: "Is this kid a chip off the old block or what, huh?" Gives Connor a playful punch which Connor half ducks. Cordy: "He's chippy." Angel: "Hey, Cor, we're going to the movies tonight. You wanna come?" Cordy: "Yeah! I mean, I'd like to, ah, I can't. Groo and I are supposed to - have some one on one time. So..." Angel: "Oh. Right. You should do that. (Turns and points at Fred) Okay. Vampire." Fred raises her hands like claws and lets out a growl. Angel: "Vampire. You're not in 'Cats.'" Fred pulls her hands in and lets out a small, questioning 'grr.' Angel points at Gunn: "Innocent by-stander." Gunn: "By-sitter." Gunn drops down onto and overturned, stuffed chair. Angel to Connor: "Close your eyes. Feel it. Where is the attack going to come from?" Connor fends off Angel's blows with his eyes closed. Angel: "Good. Good." Cordy enters her apartment. Cordy: "Hi, honey. It's me! And I got your favorites: Tuna and ice cream. How about tonight you try *not* mixing it together? (Drops her stuff on the table and turns to see Groo standing in the bedroom, wearing a brown leather jacket) Oh, there you are. Wow. You like nice!" Groo slowly raises his head to look at her. Cordy: "What's wrong?" Groo: "I am. Wrong. For you." Cordy: "What?" Groo: "I am not the one you love. He is." Cordy: "He is? Who he?" Angel goes to answer a knock on his door. Angel: "Yo. Hey! Lorne. Come on in." Lorne: "Well, you're in a good mood." Angel: "Yeah. I'm taking the kid to the movies. He's gonna love it." Lorne: "Oh. No subtitles or dreary Leitmotive, all bloody action?" Angel: "You bet." Lorne: "Oh, he'll love you for it. Well, I thought, I'd stop by and say arrivederci, Angel-hair." Angel after a beat: "You're really going." Lorne: "I'm really going." Angel: "I'm sorry." Lorne: "Don't be. (Holds out a CD) Here, I got you a little something to remember me by." On the CD is a picture of Lorne, smiling while holding a microphone. Angel reads the title. Angel: "Songs for the love - Lorne. Oh, I get it. Lovelorn, because your name is Lorne." Lorne: "Yeah, my publicist's idea. Her name is mud now but the tunes are good. And, ah, and that's not my real gift. This is: it's mutual." The camera rushes around to change focus from Lorne to Angel and we hear a whooshing sound. Lorne: "The way you feel about Cordelia is pretty much *exactly* how she feels about you." Cordy: "I love Angel? What are you talking about? I - love... you know... us." Groo just looks at her. Lorne: "You two are so obviously connected." Groo: "You finish each others... Lorne: "...sentences. You laugh at the same..." Groo: "...jests. When he grieves, when he is hurting..." Lorne: "...her heart breaks for you." Groo: "In my heart I have known the truth for some time. I've just been - struggling - to find the courage to do what is right." Lorne: "Bubela, all I'm saying is: stay open. Connor's back. Your whole life is coming together. Sometimes things do work out. I got to skiddoo." Angel: "Take good care of yourself - and keep in touch." Lorne: "I'll drop you a line. Let you know where to send the gift basket." Lorne waves over his shoulder as he walks towards the door. Cordy: "I don't know what to say, Groo." Groo: "Tell me I'm wrong. - That I should stay. - That you love only me." Cordy blinks away tears but stays silent. Blend into Groo picking up his bags. Blend into Cordy just standing there. Blend into Groo walking to the door. Blend into Groo turning to look back at Cordy just standing there. Blend into Groo leaving. Blend into Cordy standing there. A helicopter streaks by, launching some rockets and shooting its guns. The camera pulls back and we see that the explosions are taking place on the huge screen of a drive-in movie theater. Angel and Connor are sitting in the front of his convertible, Gunn and Fred are in the back. Angel: "Pretty cool, huh?" Connor staring at the screen: "Uh-huh." Gunn: "You emptied the jumbo tub?" Fred pushes the tub at Gunn: "Free refills." Gunn: "I love this woman." Angel: "Shh." Gunn levers himself up out of the backseat and jumps out over the side of the car. Fred handing him the tub: "Don't skimp on the butter." Gunn walks off to refill the tub. Connor jumps as an airplane apparently streaks right at them. Angel: "Sorry. It's just make believe." A real helicopter with a searchlight pointing down comes flying up over the edge of the movie screen. Connor: "How'd they do that?" Angel and Fred stare at the helicopter. Gunn stops and turns to stare as well. Some lines are lowered out of the side of the helicopter and three guys in nondescript combat uniforms start to rappel down them. Break [SCENE_BREAK] The searchlight centers on Angel's car. Angel to Fred: "Get down! (To Connor) Out!" Angel and Connor jump out of the car as Gunn bowls down two of the Commandos. In a van parked a little ways from Angel's car Linwood and Gavin are watching the fight on a couple of screens. Linwood: "Tie me up, threaten me with sharp objects, but don't let me go. Chowder head!" Gavin: "Kid's pretty good." Linwood: "Oh, I can't wait to get my hands on him, cut him open, see what makes him tick." Angel steps between Connor and two Commandos. Angel to Connor: "Get back." Connor pushing Angel aside: "No!" Linwood: "He wants to protect his son." Gavin: "We were counting on *that*." Linwood: "What weren't you counting on?" Angel: "Stay behind me." Connor pushing Angel back: "No!" Gavin: "The kid wanting to protect him so badly." The fight continues. Gunn gets thrown over Angel's car. As the commando jumps up to follow, Fred, lying on the back seat, kicks him in the crotch. Gunn: "Hey, thanks!" Fred: "Welcome!" A voice comes from the external speaker on the helicopter: "Abort! Abort! - Abort! Abort!" The commandos melt away and the helicopter veers off. On the screen in the van Linwood watches Angel walk straight at him and his eyes widen. Linwood: "Drive! Drive!" The driver jumps behind the wheel, but Angel rips the back doors of the van open before he can get the engine started. Angel reaches in and pulls Linwood out. Linwood: "Hey! Yeah, okay. Easy. Easy. Easy. Now we're even." Angel: "Now you're dead." Linwood: "What - you're gonna kill a human in front of your son, set an example?" Gunn: "I vote yes!" Angel: "You're not human." Police sirens start to come closer. Linwood: "We should probably both get out..." Connor suddenly pushes Angel aside and takes a hold of Linwood. Connor: "Stay away from my father." Connor throws Linwood into the back of the van. Linwood: "I'm not your enemy. We can help you, Steven." Connor after a beat: "My name is Connor." Gunn and Fred exchange a look and a smile. Angel puts a hand on Connor's shoulder and Connor lets himself be lead away. Gavin reach out to help Linwood up, but Linwood shrugs his hand off. Angel: "Let's go home." Cordy looks at a photograph of herself with Angel and Wes on either side. Cordy: "I don't feel... And even if I did, it's impossible." Cordy's voice: "It's ridiculous." Cordy: "That's right. It's... (Looks up) Woah!" In the window across from her is an apparition of herself, framed in white light. Phantom Cordy: "Maybe on some level I've always known it's true." Cordy: "I have? It is?" Phantom Cordy: "I'm in love!" Cordy: "I am? I am! - With Angel, right?" Phantom Cordy: "With Angel!" Cordy: "Just checking." Phantom Cordy: "I'm scared. But I know it's right. I know somehow it's all gonna be alright." Cordy: "It is? Really? (The apparition vanishes) Thanks for the tip." The phone in the lobby is ringing just as Angel and the others walk in. Angel: "I got it!" Angel runs across the lobby, whistling. Gunn: "He's whistling. I've never heard him whistle." Fred: "He's happy." Connor closes the door behind them all. Angel to phone: "Angel Investigations. We can help you. I *know* we can!" Cordy: "Hi. It's me." Angel: "Hi! Cor. How are you?" Cordy: "I'm good. You?" Angel glances at Connor: "I'm pretty good." Cordy: "Uhm, Angel, I sort of need to talk to you, in person." Angel: "Is it something - bad?" Cordy: "No! No, it's something good. I think. Well, it sort of depends on how *you* feel." Angel: "About what?" Cordy: "Well - about me." Angel: "Oh." Cordy: "Could you meet me tonight?" Angel: "Tonight? Sure. Okay. Where?" Cordy: "I've always loved Point Dume. There's a viewpoint. It's the first turn north of Kanan. Really pretty spot." Angel as he writes down the directions: "Point Dume. Viewpoint. First turn, north Kanan. We'll meet there. - About an hour?" Cordy: "Yes." Angel: "Okay." Cordy: "Okay." Angel: "Yes." Cordy: "Good. Okay then, we'll do that." Angel slowly hangs up the phone. Cordy hangs up the phone and looks around her room. Cordy: "Oh, god, oh, god." Angel slowly takes his hand away from the receiver and turns to find everyone looking at him. Angel: "I've got to go out for a while, son." Connor: "With Cordelia?" Angel: "Yeah. - Will you be all right?" Connor: "She's beautiful. And she cares about you. I like her." Gunn and Fred exchange a look. Angel: "I'm glad." Connor: "It's good to see you happy, dad." Angel turns away with a smile, humming a little tune. Gunn: "*Now* he's humming." Fred: "He's *really* happy." Fred, still clutching her jumbo tub of popcorn, gets up from the couch and grabs the stake lying on the sofa table. She walks over to Angel and starts to poke him with the stake. Fred: "But not perfectly happy, I hope!" Angel: "No! Ouch!" Fred holding up the stake: "Just checking." Angel slowly walks out, no longer smiling or humming. Wes, not wearing any clothes rises into the view of the camera. Wes: "Hmm. You know that sinking feeling you sometimes get the morning after?" Wes rolls off Lilah and lies down on his side of the bed. Wes: "It arrived early." Lilah stretching: "It's like a little death. Several, in fact." Wes: "Get out." Lilah roll out of bed with a little laugh: "What? No sweet kiss? No 'when can I see you again?' (Wes gives her a look) Watch the dirty looks. That's what got me going in the first place. (Lilah begins to pull on her clothes) I'll give you this: you sure know how to channel your rage, frustration, and hate. Always a bigger turn on than love." Wes: "You still here?" Lilah chucking: "I'm starting to like you, Wes. Don't go making more of this than it is. I'm not one of the doe-y eyed girls of Angel Investigations. - Don't be thinking about me when I'm gone." Wes: "I wasn't thinking about you when you were here." Lilah: "So - your former boss - has a soul - and you're losing yours. - Why, you're just new all over - aren't ya?" Lilah picks up her jacket and her bra and walks out of Wes' apartment. Wes lies staring at the ceiling. The camera pans from the rolling surf, up a short cliff to a sign reading Dume, and Angel's convertible pulling up beside it. Angel gets out, sighs, then checks the smell of his breath. Cordy, driving down a crowded freeway, honks at the car in front of her then pulls all the way from the right, across the middle and into the left lane. Cordy: "Slow poke! I'm late. I'm late. And it's not a date." Cordy lifts a hand in front of her mouth to check her breath. Angel walks up to the edge of the cliff and checks his watch. He sighs, checks his hair, then pulls out his cell phone. He flips it open and begins to dial, but the phone tips out of his hand and tumbles down the side of the cliff. Angel looking after it: "I hate those things." Cordy: "We're just gonna talk like two grown-up adults. I have some feelings. You may have some feelings. He may not even know I'm insane until he hears my feelings." Suddenly Cordy begins to glow from the inside. Cordy: "Oh, no! No, no, no! Not now!" The camera shows Cordy's car, white light streaming out of its windows, pulling across traffic and over onto the left shoulder while everything around it slows and comes to a stop. Cordy, no longer glowing, looks around her and sees that her fellow motorists are frozen in time. Cordy: "Oh, sh..." Angel, at the edge of the cliff, checks his watch again. He pulls out his keys and starts to walk back towards his car - only to see Connor walking up beside it. Angel: "Connor." Connor: "Dad." Angel: "What are you doing here?" Connor: "We're family. And I wanna show you how I feel about that." With that Connor launches himself at Angel and they both tumble over the edge, down the side of the cliff and onto the beach below. Break Angel and Connor pick themselves back up off the sand. Angel: "Connor. Connor." Connor attacks Angel, who fends off his blows. Connor: "It's all about balance. You lose it (Tosses Angel onto the sand) you lose." Cordy (dressed exactly like the earlier apparition of herself was) gets out of the car and walks over to look into the window of a car at a woman frozen in the act of fixing her lipstick. Skip: "Don't be (Cordy jumps and gasps) frightened." Cordy: "It's a little late for that!" Skip: "Sorry. You remember me? I'm..." Cordy: "Yeah. Skip. You tend to remember your demon guides. What is going on?" Skip: "I think you know." Cordy: "I'm dying." Skip: "No. No, you're not - dying." Cordy: "Not dying?" Skip: "No." Cordy punches him: "Say that part first!" Skip: "Sorry. It's not the end. It's the beginning. You're a great warrior, Cordelia. The battle that we're all a part of is fought on many different planes and dimensions. You've outgrown this one. You've become - a higher being." Cordy: "Me?" Skip: "You. You took on the visions, and even when you could have traded them in for a happy, normal life, even when they were killing you, you wouldn't let them go. The big test came when the Powers made you part demon. They bet the farm on you. Power corrupts. And they gave you a lot of power." Cordy: "The glowy thing." Skip: "Which you used well - to fight evil, and heal Connor." Cordy: "And only that one time as a night light. - Bad dreams. - Skip, I don't understand." Skip: "I think you do." Cordy: "It's ridiculous. - I'm just a somewhat normal girl - who - has visions, glows, and occasionally blows things up with her crazy new power. (Skip looks at her) I'm a higher being." Skip: "Yes." Cordy: "And when you say I've - outgrown this level, that sort of implies..." Skip: "You're moving on to a new one." Cordy: "Now I'm really scared." Skip: "I know. But I also know you're ready." Cordy: "Oh, no, I'm not." Skip: "Ah, the universe begs to differ. And deep down inside, I think..." Cordy: "Yes! All right? Stop saying I know! - Maybe I do know. *Maybe.* If given enough time, I might even get *used* to the idea, but - I don't have enough time, do I?" Connor kicks Angel across the face. Angel: "Easy. (Catches Connor from behind in a nelson) Talk to me! Talk to me, okay?" Seeing that he can't get free Connor stops struggling. Connor: "Okay." Angel lets go of him. Connor pulls something out of his pocket, then turns and zaps Angel full in the face with a tazer. Angel flies back, landing in the surf. Connor jumps on him and starts to slug him across the face. A wave rolls over them, and Angel uses it to roll on top of Connor. He holds Connor's face under the water for a moment then pulls him up. Angel: "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you're gonna talk..." Connor slugs him across the face with the tazer. Angel drops to his knees, and Connor keeps zapping him until Angel lies facedown in the water, no longer moving. Pulling a flashlight from his back pocket, Connor turns it on and signals to a boat waiting off shore. The boat flashes a light in response and we see Justine steering the boat closer to shore. Cordy: "No, of course not. Why would the Powers give me time to have the most important conversation of my life? I'm on my way to... (Skip just looks at her) I'm in love! With Angel." Skip: "What you're being called to do - transcends love." Cordy: "How is that fair? I can't leave without telling him! I won't. - He has to know how I feel! Why does this have to be now?" Skip: "There is work to be done in the higher realms." Cordy: "Can you at least tell Angel for me?" Skip: "Sorry. Not allowed." Cordy: "Then I'm not going. - How can they possibly do this to me now? - This is the last test, isn't it?" Angel wakes to the sound of a screw-gun. He is lying on his back inside a metal casket. Connor is tightening the screws on it. Thick steel cables are wrapped over Angel's ankles, thighs, abdomen and chest, confining his arms at his sides and holding him motionless. Angel: "Connor. - Why are you doing this?" Connor: "You murdered my father." Angel: "No. I didn't. I swear." Justine: "He's lying." Angel: "I'm not lying. And she knows it." Connor: "You're the prince of lies." Angel: "That's why you wouldn't let them kill me at the drive-in. So you could." Connor: "Killing is to good for you. You don't get to die. You get to live - forever." Skip: "Cordelia." Cordy turns to look at Skip and he taps his left wrist. Cordy: "I ever come face-to-face with those Powers That Be, we are going to have a talk, a big talk." Skip: "You're doing the right thing." Cordy: "I'm scared. - But I know it's right. I know somehow it's all gonna be alright. (Sighs) What do I do?" Skip: "Just say yes." Cordy: "I already have." Golden sparkles appear around Cordy as she starts to float up in a corridor of white light. Connor is still tightening the screws on Angel's coffin. Angel: "Some day you'll learn the truth - and you'll hate yourself. Don't. It's not your fault. (Justine looks over at Connor and Angel) I don't blame you." Connor: "Liar!" Angel: "Listen to me. I love you! Never forget that." Connor and Justine go to pick up the lid of the coffin. Angel: "Connor?! Connor, never forget that I'm your father and that I love you." Justine and Connor start to lower the lid in place. Angel: "Connor? Con..." Angel's voice is cut off as the lid comes down. Connor looks down through the wire-mesh glass window at Angel's face, then he and Justine slide the two rods that lock the lid in place into their channels, and Justine welds them into place, while Connor keeps looking at Angel. Justine looks at Connor. They move to one end of the coffin and push it off the back of the boat. Connor and Justine watch as the casket floats for a moment, then one end dips down the casket sinks straight down leaving behind a small trail of bubbles. Connor looks over at Justine, then back at the spot where the casket went down. The engine of the boat revs up. Connor stays at the stern, watching, as the boat pulls away into the night. The camera focus on the shore beyond the boat then zips across the distance into LA. Gunn walks down the steps to the lobby, cell phone in hand. Fred: "Connor didn't want to come with us for a midnight snack? (Gunn just looks at her) It's okay. I'll just scrounge something up here." Gunn: "He's not in his room. You - didn't see him?" Fred: "No. He's gone? Again? Did you ask Lorne if... No, because Lorne doesn't live here anymore. Not used to that yet. - I'm sure Connor will... I'm sure it's nothing, but - we should probably get a hold of Cordelia or Angel." Gunn: "Yeah, I've been trying. No one's answering." Fred: "I don't like the sound of that." The camera pulls up to show them standing all alone in the lobby. Fred: "Where did everybody go?" We get a shot of Skip watching Cordy rise up inside the cone of light. Then see the metal casket drifting deeper into the ocean. We get a dim glimpse of Angel's face through the window as the casket passes in front of the camera during its descent. Then a look of Cordy's smiling face as she passes in front of the camera to disappear above with a small flash of light. We see the top of the casket disappear into darkness, then hear a soft thud or swoosh (the coffin hitting bottom?) BLACK OUT.
Plan: A: the season finale; Q: When did Connor plot revenge against Angel? A: Connor; Q: Who plots revenge against Angel? A: Holtz; Q: Who did Connor blame Angel for the death of? A: a plan; Q: What does Connor come up with to make Angel pay? A: his father; Q: Who does Connor want to make pay for Angel's death? A: Cordy; Q: Who realizes that she has feelings for Angel? A: Angel and Wes & Lilah; Q: Who did Wes & Lilah make love to for the first time? Summary: In the season finale, Connor plots revenge against Angel. He blames Angel for Holtz's death and comes up with a plan to make his father pay. Meanwhile, Cordy realizes that she has feelings for Angel and Wes & Lilah make love for the first time.
[Spencer's Barn] The girls are in the barn drinking and having fun. The light and the music turned off Emily: What happened? Spencer: It must be the storm. A squeak blares Aria: Something's out there. The door of the barn opens Hanna: Guys. The girls get up and look scared towards the door. They come closer, a glass noise blares, they shout but still came closer. Ali comes into sight Ali: Gotcha Girls: Aah! Spencer: That's so not funny, alison! Alison: I thought it was hilarious, girls. They all laugh and settle down on sofas. Hanna: Ali, did you download the new beyonce Alison: Not yet. Emily: I'm loving her new video. Alison: Maybe a little too much, em. Ali gives a glass to Aria Alison: Your turn. Go on. Aria start to drink Spencer: Careful, aria. Take too much, and you'll tell us all your secrets. Alison: Friends share secrets. That's what keeps us close. Drink up. Aria wake in the barn, Emily and Hanna are still sleeping but Spencer ans Ali are missing. Aria wake the girls Arîa: em. Hanna: Where's ali and spencer? Aria: We don't know. Aria gets up goes to the door, Spencer arrives at this moment. Aria: Ali? Spencer: She's gone. Aria: What do you mean she's gone? Spencer: I've looked everywhere for her. I think I heard her scream. An image of a newspaper of rosewood appears with a photo of Ali and in main headlines " still missing " [Aria's House ] 1 year later Aria looks in the mirror. Ella: Aria, are you okay? Aria: It's weird to be home. Ella: We were gone a year. When you're 16, that's a long time. Aria: I think of her every day Ella: Why don't you call your friends? They don't know we're back from dad's sabbatical. Aria: On the news, they're calling it The anniversary of Alison's disappearance, Like it's a party or something. Ella: Why don't you give them a call? You five were inseparable, and those feelings don't just go away. Mike rides up in the corridor Mike: I need a ride to lacrosse! Aria: I'll take him. The first floor is filled with packed boxes. Mike searches in boxes, we perceive Byron at the bottom Byron: Got lacrosse today? Mike: It's first tryouts, and all my stuff's in about a hundred boxes. Ella and Aria Arrives Ella: A hundred? Mike: You know what I mean. Ella: Come on, let's go look in the garage. Come on. Ella and Mike leave in the garage, Byron approaches Aria. Byron: Listen, I know coming back here brings up a lot of memories. You okay? Aria: Dad, I'm still keeping your secret, okay? Byron: I mean, are you okay with Alison? Mike and Ella come back, Aria and Mike goes out of the house, and Ella embraces Byron. Ella: And they're running off to practice. We are officially home. [Aria and Mike are in the car front of the High School] Mike get out of the car Aria: Hey, what time am I picking you up? Mike: Uh, six. Aria: Okay, I'm gonna grab some food. [Pub] We perceive Aria at the counter of a bar, next to her a man reads a book. Aria: Can I get a cheeseburger, please? Barman: You got it. Aria see a wanted notice for Alison Man: You all right down there? Aria: I'm a bit jetlagged. I just got back from Europe. Man: Where in europe? Aria: Iceland. Man: I spent some time in reykjavik before I went to amsterdam. It's a great city. Aria: So, do you go to hollis? Man: Just graduated. I'm gonna start my first teaching job. Aria: I... I think I'd like to teach. God, I love this song Man: B26. What's your major? Aria: Uh, well, I'm leaning toward english. Man: That's what I'm teaching. Aria: Well, and I write too, but... So far, it's mostly personal. Just for me. Man: I'm impressed. Aria: Why? Man: Well, I tried writing. I didn't get very far. You're lucky. If you're writing for yourself, It's pure passion. Maybe you'd let me read something of yours. Aria: Yeah? You'd really want to? Man: Yeah. You're smart, you've traveled, Great taste in music. I Like to know more about you. Aria: Yeah. I'd like to know more about you too. [Aria and the Man kissing in the Toilet ] [Rosewood Mall] hanna try glasses Hanna: Could I see the pradas in the front? Salesman: I'll have to put some in the back. Hanna: But they're all maybes. Mona arrives with a scarf at the neck Mona: Hey, is this me? Hanna: Or is it a little too much your mother? Mona: I am loving those glasses. How much? Hanna: 350. Hanna sees Spencer who is looking at clothes Hanna: I'll be right back. She approaches Spencer Hanna: I cannot believe Spencer Hastings actually has time to shop. I mean, you're interning for the mayor, taking classes at Hollis, and redoing the barn. And in your leisure moments, you facebook and tweet. Spencer: You know me. I like to stay busy. Hanna: It's called a summer vacay, Spence. Spencer: You spent yours sunning and shopping. Hanna: Tweet-tweet. Spencer: Did you see the paper today? Hanna: Yeah. Spencer: She's gone, but she's everywhere. Hanna: I can't believe it's been a year. Spencer: Do you remember what Ali said that night, about our secrets keeping us close? I think it was the opposite. Hanna: So! What's the occasion? Spencer: Family dinner. We're meeting Melissa's fiance. Hanna: Did miss perfect find a Mr. Perfect? Spencer: He's a med student, so everyone's thrilled. Hanna: Then that's not the right top. You need to turn heads. Spencer: Away from Melissa? Please. Hanna: She doesn't always have to win. See you around the playground. Spencer: See you. Hanna goes to the exit of the store with the glasses that she stolen on eyes Guard: Hey, miss! You forgot your bag. Hanna: Thank you. Mona goes out of a corridor Mona: I so thought you were busted. Hanna: Nice scarf. Mona: Nice glasses. [Aria, Mike and Byron arrives in front of the Rosewood's High School , Mike goes out of the car] Mike: Later. See ya. Byron: Good luck. Aria gets ready to go out but his father calls her back. Byron: Hey. Aria: Look, it's the first day. I don't want to be late. Byron: I love you, aria. You know that, right? Aria: Yeah. I know. Byron: And you know that I love your mom. Aria: Do you? Byron: I made a mistake, okay? And I will be sorry about it for the rest of my life. I just hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me. Aria: I hope so too. [Flash Back] Alison and Aria walks in the street by eating an ice cream. Mona follows them behind by running. Mona: Aria! Hey, guys! Alison! Aria: Hey! You hear mona? Mona: Hey, aria! Aria: Maybe we should wait. Mona: Hey, guys! Alison: My god. Is she ever gonna get a clue? What a loser. Come here. Alison and Aria makes a commitment in an impasse, they fall in front of a car Alison: Hey, isn't that your dad's car? [Flash Back's End] Emily: Aria? Aria: Emily. Emily: When did you get back? Aria: Hey.Yesterday. Emily: I almost didn't recognize you. I think the last time we saw each other, You had a pink stripe in your hair. Aria: Well, when your parents want you to be yourself And you don't know who you are... Emily: You wore it well. You should have called. It's so weird just running into you here. Aria: Oh. Well, we've kind of lost touch, Emily, remember? Emily: That's what we had to do. Aria: I saw a poster of alison yesterday. Emily: It's awful. I mean, we all know she's dead, right? Aria: I just never heard anyone say it. [Class room] Emily: So, I hear the new teacher's really hot. Hanna come into the class. Aria: Is that hanna? Emily: She's the "it" girl now. Mona comes next. Emily: And where there's Hanna, there's Mona. Aria: That's Mona? Emily: Can you believe it? Aria: Wow. Talk about a makeover. Hanna waves to the girls then turns the head. Aria: What's up with her? You two fighting? Emily: We didn't just fall out of touch with you, Aria. We all fell out of touch with each other. Spencer comes too, she smiles shyly to Hanna. Emily: They're not so close anymore either Aria: So they're friendly, but not friends. The new Prof. goes into the class, writes his name on the board, he turns around and it turns out that it is the man that to meet Aria in the bar. He sees her. Ezra: Holy crap. Everyone looks Aria which sees him, Her phone rings she is quite embarrasses Aria: Sorry. Ezra: Uh, I'm Mr. Fitz, your new English teacher. Aria reads the Text she's received. It's signed by A. Aria: Alison? [Emily's House] Emily is with her mother who prepares a basket of food. Emily: I can't believe they sold the house. Pam: Just too many memories for the Dilaurentises. I can't even imagine. Emily: It's just so weird to think of other people living in alison's house. Pam: I know, honey. Emily: Aria's back. Pam: Does she still have that pink hair? Emily: No, mom, she doesn't. Pam: You know something? I never really understood that family. Why would a mother let her daughter do something like that Emily: Because they believe their kids are their equals, not their property. Pam: Honey, I don't think you're my property, but I'm your mom. What kind of mother would I be if I let you Run around looking like a goth? That kind of lifestyle might fly in Europe, But it's not gonna get you very far here in rosewood. Emily: Not everyone dreams of making it in rosewood, mom. Pam: Oh? Emily: Some people dream of making it out. [Front of Di Laurentis's House] Emily arrives with her basket of food. She notices boxes on the pavement, takes a medal in the hand. We see a girl arriving. Girl: You want that? Maya st. Germain, a.K.A. New girl. Emily: I'm emily. Welcome to the neighborhood. Maya: Thank you. Mmm. Foie gras and cornichons. My favorites. Emily: It's from my mother. Maya: I figured. Oh, that stuff was in my room. You can have anything you want. Emily: It all belonged to alison. Maya: Is she a friend of yours? Emily: She was, a long time ago. Maya: That's all I get? No details? Emily: Uh, there were five of us who used to hang out, but... We don't anymore. Maya: Would it be outrageous of me to ask If you'll help with our last few boxes? Emily: Yes. But I don't mind. Emily leaves the medal and it manages with Maya in the direction of the house. [Maya's room] Maya: So, why aren't you still friends With the girl who used to live here? Emily: You ask a lot of questions. Maya: How else am I supposed to get to know you? Emily: There you go. Another question. Maya: Fine. Your turn.Ask me anything. Emily takes a picture on a chest of drawers. Emily: Is this your boyfriend? Maya: His name is justin. Emily: He's cute. Maya: He's also 3,000 miles away. Emily: My boyfriend's name is ben. Maya: What's he like? Emily: He's a swimmer, like me. Maya: I bet you're good. You totally have the body. My mom's a cellist. They're building a studio. Emily: Do you play? Maya: Yeah. But not the cello. If you're a big jock, Does that mean you'd kill me if I smoked a little weed? Emily: Now? Maya: I won't if you don't want me to. Emily: Where are your parents? Maya: Relax. They're out. Emily: Go ahead. Maya: You want to join me? Emily: Okay. Maya: First time? Emily: No. Yes. Maya: So I'm corrupting you. You okay with that? Emily: Yeah. I think I am. [In front of Spencer's Barn] Spencer arrives when Melissa goes out of the barn Spencer: Hey, what do you think? Melissa: You have an eye for design. I absolutely love it. Spencer: Thank you. Melissa: Honestly, when mom said you were converting the barn to a loft, I couldn't see it, but it's beautiful. Job well done. Spencer: I'm glad you like it. Melissa: And I totally appreciate your letting us move in. Spencer: What? Melissa: Wren and I are staying in the barn while we redo my place in the city. Spencer: I'm moving in for junior year, melissa. That's the deal that I made with mom and dad. I got the grades, I did the internship,I gave up my summer because I wanted this. Melissa: Well, you'll just have to wait. Spencer: Why can't you stay in my room? Melissa: We're a couple, spencer. We need our own space, and mom and dad agree. Spencer: But they promised me. Wren goes out of the barn and approaches girls. Wren: Is everything okay? I'm Wren. Melissa: I was hoping you'd be happy for me. Spencer: Well, you know what they say about hope. Breeds eternal misery. Spencer goes away in the direction of the house. Wren: Sounds like she was counting on moving into the barn. Melissa: Don't worry about spencer. She'll get over it. [The evening, Spencer's House] Wren crushes a cigarette while Spencer reads a book sat on an armchair. Spencer: Shouldn't you know better? I mean, you are a med student, right? Wren: You're a bit of a smart-ass. Spencer: A bit? Does my sister know you smoke? Wren: Does she have to know everything. I'm sorry that we're moving into your loft. If you want me to say something. Spencer: It wouldn't make a difference. Thank you for being sorry. You're not like Melissa's usual boyfriends. Wren: How am I unusual? Spencer: We're late for dinner. Spencer gets up. Arrive next to Wren Spencer: I actually like you. That's what's unusual. [SCENE_BREAK] [Rosewood's High School] Aria walks in the empty corridors. She stops in front of the door of the class of Ezra. Looks at him then brings in. Ezra raises the head of his copies. Ezra: You told me you went to Hollis. Aria: No. I said I was thinking about majoring in English. And that's true. Ezra: Look, I think you're amazing, aria. When I first met you, I thought... "who is this girl?" Aria takes Ezra's Hand Aria: I'm still that girl. Nothing's changed. Ezra: Yes. Yes, it has. I'm your teacher. Aria: I know it's not just me. You-- you feel like this is right for us too. Ezra: It's not right. We just can't. He gets up and goes out of the class. [In the Street] We see Emily and Maya walked the one next the other one. Their hands touch Maya: thanks for walking me home. Emily: It's no big deal. Practice doesn't start until four. Maya: I've never had a jock friend before. I guess that makes you my first. Emily perceive the garbage men who throw Alison's boxes in the truck. Maya: Are you okay? Emily: It's hard for me to talk about. I didn't tell you everything about the girl who used to live here. Maya: Alison. Emily: She disappeared last summer. She's still missing. Maya: That must have been awful for you. Emily: I used to think if I didn't talk about her, I wouldn't think about her. Maya: But you still do. Emily: Yeah. Maya: I'm sorry. She kisses her near the mouth. They move back embarrass Maya: See you tomorrow? Emily: Yeah. Bye. [Locker's room] Emily is opening her locker when Spencer arrives. Spencer: Hey, you been hanging out with aria? Emily: Not really. Emily opens her locker when she perceives a word, she reads it, it's signed by A. Spencer: Emily.Is everything all right? Emily: Why wouldn't it be? [Spencer's Kitchen] Spencer, in swimsuit, is taking a drink in the refrigerator when Wren goes into the house in pair of shorts of bath. Wren: Perfect time for a jacuzzi. Spencer: I thought you guys weren't moving in till next week Wren: Melissa wanted to get settled before classes start. You wouldn't happen to have a towel, would you? Spencer gives him the one that it in on the shoulder. Wren notices that she masses her neck. Wren: Tough day at school. Spencer: Tough field hockey practice. Wren: I rowed for oxford. Spencer: That looks good on a med school app. Wren: I did it 'cause I loved it. You probably have a fluid buildup in your bursa sac. He takes place behind her. Spencer: I bet you say that to all the girls. Wren: I can help. Spencer: Okay... Dr. Wren. Wren begins to mass Spencer. Spencer: That's awesome. Wren: is that all right? Melissa: Wren? Wren leaves Spencer who leaves outside. Melissa arrives in the kitchen. Melissa: Who were you talking to? Wren: No one. [Aria's House] Ella looks into a box and come out two stemmed glasses. Ella: Found them. Byron is uncorking a wine bottle. Ella: Look what else I found. Byron: Ohh. She used to drag that thing everywhere. I think you're happy to be back. Ella: Aren't you? Byron: Well, haven't decided yet. Ella: Ohh. You and aria are so much alike. I don't think she's happy to be home either. Byron: I know it was like a vacation from our real life, but... I felt like we really bonded when we were away. Ella: Well, we had to connect. We didn't know anybody else. Byron: I don't want to lose that. Ella: Are you really worried that we will? Byron: It's just easy for stuff to get in the way. Ella: What do you mean? What kind of stuff? Byron: Ohh... You know, I'm really surprised that she brought that with us. Ella: Well, she loves it because you gave it to her. What kind of stuff could get in the way of us? Byron: No, nothing, nothing. You know me. I just get a little overly obsessed about work, that's all. We're good, Ella. Come here. It's all good. Ella: Oh, I drove past Alison's house today. It's definitely something I haven't missed. Byron: Oh, god. A year later. Imagine what that poor family is going through. Ella: I can't. I don't ever want to imagine. If anything ever happened to you Byron: Nothing is gonna happen. We are safe. We're together. And we're home. [Spencer's Room] Spencer is reading when she hears voices outside. She gets up to go to look towards the window. She sees Melissa and Wren kissing in front of the door of the barn. She receive an e-mail on its computer, it is signed by A. [Flash Back] [Spencer's Kitchen] Alison goes into the house in bikini followed by Hanna and Spencer. Hanna takes a cookie. Alison: Are you gonna eat that, sweetie? I'm being a friend, Hanna. Melissa arrives with Ian hand in hand. Melissa: Aren't you supposed to be at Alison's? Ian: Hi, girls! Girls: Hi, ian. Ian: You still need help with your scoop, Spence? I've got my stick in the car. Melissa: Ian, what are you, her babysitter? Alison: You need to tell your sister. Melissa: Tell me what? Spencer: Nothing. Melissa: Come on. Spencer: Outside. Spencer and Alison goes out of the house. Spencer: What the hell are you doing? Alison: She's gonna find out. Spencer: No, she's not. Alison: I promise you, she is, because if you don't tell her, I will. Spencer: I thought you were my friend. Alison: Don't you get it? I'm trying to help you do the right thing. Spencer: It was one kiss. Now, you listen to me, Alison. Alison: Or what? Spencer: If you say one word to my sister about Ian, I will tell everyone the truth about the Jenna thing. [Flash Back's End] Spencer goes to its window and looks in the room of the house in front of his, which is the one of Alison. She perceives a fair silhouette. Spencer: Alison? [Aria's House] Aria and Emily sits on a swing chair under the flight of steps of the House of Aria. Emily: I'm sorry for just stopping by. Aria: No. Any time, em. Come on, you know that. Emily: Somebody left a note in my locker. Aria: From "A"? Emily: You too? Aria: Do you really think it's her? Is it possible? Emily: Only Alison could have known. Aria: What? Known -- known what? Emily: It was... Aria: Personal? Emily: I really believed she was dead. Aria: Yeah. Yeah, we all did. Emily: Could she really be back? Aria: I think she's playing with us. Emily: Why would she do that? Aria: It's Alison that we're talking about here. I mean, wasn't that her favorite sport? Emily: Should we tell someone? Aria: I don't... I don't know about you, but... I can't. Emily: I'm glad you're back. Aria: It's funny... I mean, even though I grew up here, I feel like a total outsider. Emily: Me too. [Hanna's House] Hanna and her mother are cooking. Ashley: I ran into ella montgomery today. Why didn't you tell me aria was back? Hanna: It's not like we're still friends. They sit down to eat Ashley: She didn't know your father left. I hate telling that story. Hanna: So change the story. I did. You grew up. You grew apart. It was mutual, and, honestly, We are much happier without him. Ashley: Hanna. Hanna: Say it enough, and you'll actually start to believe it. Ashley: Well, I have to admit, it does sound a lot better than the truth. Hanna: Nobody needs to know that we got dumped. Ashley: "we" didn't get dumped. I did. Hanna: He left both of us. Hanna receives a text. Ashley: If that's mona, I'm staging an intervention. It's Spencer Ashley: Hanna. It's dinnertime. Her phone rings she picks up. Ashley: It's ashley. Yes, I left it on your desk. Mm-hmm. The bell rings, Hanna is going to open. They are policemen. Agent: Hanna marin? Hanna: Yeah. Why? Agent: Is your mother home? Ashley arrives. Ashley: Let me call you back. What's this about? Agent: We received a call from rosewood mall security. They have your daughter on tape Shoplifting a pair of sunglasses. Ashley: I'm sure there's been a mistake. Agent: I don't think so. Could you turn around? The agent handcuffs Hanna. Hanna: mom. [Police Station] Hanna is waiting. Her mother is in the office with the agent, we see that she dredges him, he gets up to close the door. Hanna wants to take a candy when she receives a text. It is signed by A. The agent goes out of his office followed by the mother of Hanna. Hanna: What's going on? Ashley: Let's go. Hanna: Really? They go out of the post and go into the car. Behind them police cars bustle. Ashley: In a small town like this, What people think about you matters. Hanna: I know. Ashley: Then why would you risk it all to steal a pair of sunglasses? Hanna, I buy you everything you need to be popular. Hanna: That's not why I do it. Ashley: Then why do? This is something you do? Hanna: A few times. Ashley: This is about your father, isn't it? You think this is going to get his attention. Hanna: I made a mistake. Ashley: In rosewood, you don't have room to make a mistake. And neither do I. Hanna: I'm sorry. I'll fix it somehow. Ashley: You will deny you did anything wrong. It was a misunderstanding. Hanna: But... Ashley: I'm taking care of it. [In the Street] Emily walks alone in street when she perceives an ambulance managed towards the old Di Laurentis's house. She runs in their direction when she perceives Maya. Emily: Maya! Maya: Emily! Emily: I thought something might have happened to you Maya: I tried to call you. Emily: What's going on? Maya: They found your friend. Emily: I knew she was back. Is she inside? Maya: Emily! I'm sorry. They found Alison's body. We see two agents of the coroner pushing a body in a bag on a stretcher. We perceive then Hanna stealing in the middle of people, seeing the bag on the stretcher. Aria is in its car when she sees that she stops and get out of the car. She sees Spencer on the other pavement and goes to her. Aria: I heard the cops take hanna to the police station today. Spencer: You don't think she'd ever talk about... Hanna: The jenna thing? We made promise. [Hanna's House] Hanna is in the lounge looking at the information about the discovery of Alison's body Tele: The current owners of the residence Were in the process of demolishing the structure To make room for a renovation project When workers made the gruesome discovery. The parents of the deceased were unavailable for comment, But a family spokesperson has confirmed The gazebo was under construction The summer 15-year-old AlisonDilaurentis disappeared. Tonight, the family is asking for privacy As they come to terms with the sad ending to a year-long mystery, And local authorities are coming to terms With the fact a killer is at large in rosewood. Hanna hear a noise, she switched off the sound. It is her mother who goes in whirlwind into the house followed by the policeman. They kiss each other and go up stair. Hanna puts back the sound. [Rosewood's Church] People enter the church; a journalist is on the pavement of opposite. Male newscaster: Thank you... The discovery of her body rocked this community, And today, hundreds of mourners gather To say goodbye to Alison dilaurentis. We see Emily arrived with her mother; she crosses Spencer and her parents. Spencer and she take themselves in arms. Aria is inside of the church looking through the window. She is joined by Ezra. Ezra: Was she a friend of yours? Aria: Do you care? Ezra: I don't know what I feel worse about? Having to stay away from you or being a jerk about it. Aria: Yeah, she was one of my best friends. Ezra: I'm sorry. Aria: For alison, or for being a jerk? Ezra: Both. Aria: Thank you. I would never want to do anything That would get you in trouble. Goodbye, ezra. She goes away but Ezra catches her by the arm and kiss her. Then we see her gone into the church. Aria: Mrs. Dilaurentis. Mrs. Dilaurentis: Aria! I'm so glad you came. I asked the other girls to sit together up front. It's what Alison would have wanted. Aria: Of course. Aria approaches the first rank, she stops and observes the coffin when Hanna take her hand. She takes place next to the girls. Emily: Poor ali. Hanna: Can you believe what a scene this is? Aria: Alison would have loved it. Spencer: Popular in life and death. Hanna give a phial of alcohol to Emily Emily: No thanks. I don't-- Hanna: Today, I think you do. The cell of Aria rings. The girls look at her terrify. Hanna: Anyone we know? Aria: No, it's just my mom sending me a text. Emily and I aren't the only ones Who got messages from "a," are we? Spencer turns around Spencer: oh, my god.It's Jenna. We see a blind girl sitting with the help of a young man. The girls turn around. The mother of Alison sits down next to them. Mrs. Dilaurentis: Did you see that jenna marshall was here? I didn't realize she and Ali were friends. Spencer: They weren't. Minister: The lord giveth and the lord taketh away. The ceremony is finished the girls go out of the church when the policeman intercept them Agent: Emily, Spencer, Aria and hanna. Spencer: Do we know you? Wilden: I'm detective wilden. I understand you were all good friends with the victim. Aria: Yeah, we were. Wilden: I'm gonna need to talk to each one of you. Spencer: We talked to the police when alison went missing. Wilden: And I intend to go over every one of your statements. This is no longer a missing persons investigation. It's a murder. Rest assured, I will find out what happened that summer. The agent Wilden go, we see Jenna going to a car. Aria: Do you think he knows about? Hanna: No. How could he? Their phones rings. Aria: Oh, my god! Hanna: It's from-- Emily: I got one too. Spencer: "I'm still here, bitches Girls: ...And I know everything. A'."
Plan: A: Emily Fields; Q: Who befriends a girl named Maya? A: Spencer Hastings; Q: Who has feelings for her sister's fiancé? A: their clique leader Alison DiLaurentis; Q: Who goes missing? A: A year later; Q: When do the girls begin receiving messages from the mysterious "A"? A: their darkest secrets; Q: What does "A" threaten to reveal to the girls? A: her family; Q: Who did Aria Montgomery spend a year with in Iceland? A: her father; Q: Who did Aria feel she couldn't forgive for cheating on her mother? A: Ezra Fitz; Q: Who is Aria's new English teacher? A: a bar the day before; Q: Where did Aria meet Ezra Fitz? A: the school; Q: Hanna is the "it" girl of what? A: trouble; Q: What does Hanna Marin get into when she indulges in shoplifting? A: a detective; Q: Who does Hanna's mother sleep with to get her out of trouble? A: her release; Q: What does Hanna's mother sleep with a detective for? A: Wren Kingston; Q: Who is Spencer's sister's fiancé? A: Alison's old house; Q: Where did Maya move into? A: her body; Q: What is found that proves Alison is not "A"? A: Jenna; Q: Who was blinded in an incident involving the four girls and Alison? A: a classmate; Q: Who was Jenna? A: The girls; Q: Who receives another text message from "A"? A: bitches; Q: What does "A" call the girls? Summary: Aria Montgomery, Emily Fields, Hanna Marin, and Spencer Hastings grow apart when their clique leader Alison DiLaurentis goes missing. A year later they all begin receiving messages from the mysterious "A", who threatens to reveal their darkest secrets. Aria has just returned from Iceland after a year with her family and still feels unable to forgive her father who cheated on her mother, who's still unaware of it; she also discovers that her new English teacher, Ezra Fitz, is the same guy she met at a bar the day before. Hanna is now the " it " girl of the school and indulges in shoplifting, which gets her in trouble and forces her mother to sleep with a detective for her release; Spencer has feelings for her sister's fiancé, Wren Kingston; and Emily befriends a girl named Maya, who just moved into Alison's old house. They soon suspect that Alison is "A", until her body is found. At the funeral, they all worry after seeing Jenna, a classmate who was blinded in an incident involving the four girls and Alison. The girls receive another text: I'm still here bitches. And I know everything -A.
ACT ONE Scene One – Frasier's Apartment Frasier is looking through the telescope. Niles fidgets beside him. Martin is reading the paper in his Armchair. Frasier: Oh my God... breathtaking. Niles: Well, don't be greedy! Your turn was over forty seconds ago! Frasier: All right, all right, Niles, all right. [steps away] It's the penthouse unit, fourth from the left. Niles: [looking] Oh, mama! Martin: You two know that what you're doing isn't right, don't you? Frasier: We're simply admiring a very rare Brancusi armchair, not a naked woman. Martin: That's what I'm talking about. Daphne comes in the front door, dressed for an evening out. Martin: Oh, hi, Daph. Daphne: Evening. Martin: You're home kind of early, aren't you? Daphne: A bit. Something... sort of happened. Martin: Oh, yeah? What? Daphne: Well, Joe and I were having dinner. Everything was nice as could be, and I said, "Don't you like your potato?" And he said, "No, I'm not hungry for potato just now." So I said, "Well, if you don't like your potato you're welcome to try my potato"— Frasier: Daphne? Could we hasten to the post-potato portion of the dialogue? Daphne: Well, that's when he said it. He said we'd been "on-again, off-again" for too long without making anything permanent, so maybe it was best if we just broke up. Martin: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. You're sure taking it well. Boy, if you'd have told me Joe would end up dumping you tonight, I'd have been— Daphne: Oh, God. He dumped me! She bursts into tears. Martin: Somebody comfort her! Niles: Right! He moves to hug Daphne, obviously anxious for the opportunity. But Frasier gets there first. She cries against his shoulder. Daphne: Oh, this is so embarrassing. Frasier: Oh, no, no, never mind about that. Expressing our emotions is always beneficial, even if it does come at the expense of our pride [she blows her nose on his lapel] and a very expensive brand-new Italian silk jacket. She keeps bawling. Frasier: You know, I don't seem to be doing much good here. Why don't one of you give it a try? Niles: Very well. Niles moves to hug her again, but this time Martin gets there first. Martin: Now, Daphne, it's all right. You're better off without him. That guy was a bum. Daphne: He was the best thing in my life! Martin: Oh. Well, maybe you two weren't meant for each other, you know? I mean, you're a champagne-and-caviar sort of gal, he's a meat-and-potatoes guy. Daphne: [crying at the memory] Potatoes! Martin: I'm messing up, too. Niles: I've got it, Dad. He moves a third time, but the doorbell rings. Daphne: I'll get it! She moves away, leaving Niles very frustrated. She opens the door to Roz. Roz: Hey, Daphne! Daphne: [a cry of pain] Roz... Roz: Oh my God, you got dumped! [hugs her; over her shoulder, to Frasier] Did you make her answer the door? Frasier: It's what she does! Roz: [to Daphne] Oh, it's all right, come on. Daphne: I'm sorry about this. I guess I'm still at the point where I can't hear his name without crying. Niles: You hear that, everyone? No one mention the name "Joe!" Daphne starts crying again. Niles eagerly moves in, but Frasier holds him back and bats his arm. Roz takes Daphne to her room. Frasier: Brandy, Niles? Niles: Uh, yes. Thank you. Frasier? I've just made an important decision. I'm going to tell Daphne how I feel about her. Frasier: What? Niles: I'm going to tell her tonight. Frasier: You're serious about this? Niles: I'm dead serious. Maris and I are nowhere near reconciling. I know this is the right decision, because I'm completely calm about it. Look. He holds out his hand to show that it's steady. However, the other hand, which is resting on Frasier's African sculpture, shakes violently, rattling the statue. Niles: Perhaps I'll take that brandy. Frasier: Niles, before you do anything this rash, you should consider it first from all angles. Niles: I've spent three years considering Daphne from all angles. Frasier: I'm just not sure this is the right moment for this. Niles: No, no, if you're trying to rattle me it's not going to work. I've been rehearsing this for months. "Daphne, there's something I need to talk to you about. It's a matter of... Daphne, for a long time now, uh... you and I, we" — exactly how's the brandy getting here, by St. Bernard?! Frasier: Niles, I just think that you should consider Daphne's state of mind. She's still reeling from her breakup with Joe. Listen, why don't you give it one more day? Niles: A day? Frasier: A day. Just one day, please! You've waited this long, another day won't make a difference. Niles: All right. Roz brings Daphne out. Roz: Now, Daphne, if the jewelry wasn't that good and the s*x wasn't that good, what have you really lost here? Daphne starts crying again. Frasier: Dr. Roz wades in with the "Gabor approach" to therapy! Roz: I am taking Daphne out and getting her mind off her troubles. Here's your tape. [puts it on the table] Frasier: Oh, thank you, Roz. Daphne: I want to thank you both for being so supportive. Frasier: Oh, Daphne, nonsense. You know, after three years, you're really a member of the family. The phone rings. Daphne: [still crying] I'll get it. She crosses the room to get it. Roz advances on Frasier, glaring. Frasier: It's what she does! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two – Frasier's Apartment The next morning. Martin is reading the paper at the table, Frasier is looking through his CD's. Martin: What are the Sonics thinking last night? If you're two for fifteen from behind the arc, why do you still give it to your two-guard instead of jamming it down to your big man in the paint? Pause. Frasier: Eddie, I believe that question was directed at you. Martin: You know, if you took an interest in sports, I bet you'd end up enjoying it. It's got drama, it's got graceful stuff... Frasier: Thank you, Dad, but frankly I'm quite satisfied with the likes of Pavorotti's Pagliacci. You have your big man in the paint, I have mine. The doorbell rings. Frasier opens the door to Niles, who is holding a large bouquet of flowers against his chest. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Frasier. Frasier: Either your boutonniere is way over the top, or you're here to execute last night's plan. Niles: Look, I know I don't have your total support in this, but... how shall I put this? Frasier: You don't care? Niles: If you could work the phrase "rat's ass" into there, you'd have it. The fact is, I'm tired of being lonely, and it makes no sense going on being lonely when the woman I long for is unattached. Frasier: Yes, well, as I said to you at the time you tried to jump out of the tree house with an umbrella, "I suppose you know what you're doing." Martin emerges from the kitchen with a bowl of potato chips. Martin: Hey, Niles. Niles: Hey, Dad. The phone rings. Frasier: [answering] Hello? Oh, just a second, please. Dad, is Daphne in her room? Martin: Gee, I don't know. [screaming] DAPHNE! HEY, DAPH! DAPHNE! Frasier: For God's sake, I can yell! [into phone] Would you hold, please? Frasier goes to the hallway. Martin: I've been waiting thirty years to do that. Niles: You're probably wondering what I'm doing with these flowers. Martin: Well, now that you mention it— Niles: Well, I'll tell you. They're for Daphne. I'm going to tell her how I feel about her. Martin: Oh, that's great, Niles. Niles: "That's great?" Martin: Well, yeah. You're single now. She's single. What's the problem? Niles: [laughing] That's so funny. Martin: What is? Niles: That's just not the reaction I expected. I thought you'd say something more Dad-like, like... Martin: You're out of your mind? Niles: [laughing] Yes. Martin: She's never gonna go for it in a million years? Niles: [still laughing] Stop it! Martin: Someday you're gonna look back on this as the stupidest, most idiotic— Niles: [not laughing] I said stop it, Dad. Daphne and Frasier come out. Niles gets up and coyly hides the flowers behind his back. Daphne: Morning, Dr. Crane. Niles: Hello, Daphne. Daphne: Oh, don't you look nice. [picks up phone] Hello? Yes, Rodney, I'm so glad you called! Yes, I enjoyed meeting you too. Oh, well, yes, that would be lovely. I'll see you around four, then. Bye. [hangs up] Frasier: Rodney? Daphne: Yes, you won't believe this. Last night, Roz insisted on taking me to this bar she calls "The Sure Thing." Frasier: How flattering. They've named a bar after her. Daphne: She says that whenever she takes a friend there, they always end up meeting someone. Well, I wasn't there ten minutes when she spun my barstool around and I was face-to-face with this nice-looking man. Martin: Rodney? Daphne: Right! I suppose it's a bit soon for me to be seeing anyone else. But, if I wait, he might not be available when I'm ready. Niles: Timing is everything. Daphne: I can't wait to tell Roz! She runs off to the hallway. Niles: "Give it a day, Niles." I believe that was your brilliant advice? Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles, I really am. I don't know what to say. Niles: [dropping the flowers on the table] Too bad you didn't have that problem last night. Martin: Don't let it get you down. Niles: I'm not going to. I still have a fallback position. [grabs Frasier's rolodex and starts flipping through it] I'm going to call Roz and have her take me to that bar tonight! Frasier: Niles, really — a singles bar? Please, you're not thinking clearly. That's not exactly your arena, is it? Listen, why don't you just give it a day and think it over... [off Niles's glare] Here, let me dial that for you. [SCENE_BREAK] WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS HER NAME Scene Three – Granville's An upscale singles bar — piano, bar with stools, tables. It's sparsely populated. Roz is sitting at the bar. Niles comes up behind her, slightly frazzled. Niles: Well, I'm here. I forgot to gargle, I'm wearing mismatched socks, and I'm so nervous I could wet myself. Roz: Well, at least we have your opening line down. Niles: You're going to have to be patient with me, Roz. This isn't exactly my milieu. Roz: O.K., let's make that lesson number one. If you're going to use words like "milieu," you might as well show up here with a sore on your lip and a couple of kids. Niles: Point well taken. Roz: Will you sit down and relax? [he sits next to her] You're gonna be fine. There's just a few little rules you need to know. First, when you introduce yourself, be as casual as possible. Second, you cannot say enough nice things about her hair. I know that sounds shallow, but it really works. And third, hang on her every word — be fascinated. Now go. Niles: What do you mean, "go"? Roz: It's time. Niles: I'm not ready. Roz: Oh, I've thrown a lot of little babies in the water and they've all come up swimming. Now go. Niles: No, no, I couldn't possibly, not yet, I need to— She spins his barstool around, bringing him face-to-face with an attractive blond woman (Adelle). Niles: Hello. Adelle: Hello. Niles: Hope I'm not bothering you. Adelle: No, not at all. I'm Adelle. Niles: Niles. [shakes her hand] So, "Adelle"... is that with one "l" or two? Adelle: Two. Niles: [fascinated] Really? He props an elbow up on the bar and rests his head on his hand. Roz smiles, thinking, "I've thrown him off the roof and he's flying!" END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO STAREMASTER Scene Four – Frasier's Apartment It's evening. Frasier and Eddie are seated opposite each other at the dinner table, having a stare-down contest. Martin comes out. Martin: You're wasting your time. Frasier: No, I'm not. Martin: You're not gonna win. Frasier: It's time he learned what it's like to be stared at all the time. Bring it on, Buster, you got nothing. You can't touch me, I'm — Gaah! [breaks away, clutching his eyes] It's like his eyes turned into sorcerer's pinwheels and started spinning! The doorbell rings. Martin: Just shake hands and say "good fight." Frasier considers doing it for a second, then decides not. Martin opens the door to Niles and Adelle, dressed for an evening out. Martin: Oh, hi, Niles! Come on in. Niles: Dad, this is Adelle Childs — my father Martin. Martin: Nice to meet you. [shakes her hand] Niles: And this is my brother, Frasier. Frasier: It's so nice to finally meet you. Adelle: Nice to meet you. Niles: Are you all right? Your eyes look funny. Frasier: Oh, I'm fine, it's just — oh, here are your tickets. [gives them to Niles] Niles: Thank you. Frasier: Say, have you got time for a coffee before you go? Adelle: That'd be nice. Frasier: Splendid! Gives me a chance to debut my Limoges coffee set — a series of six unique cups, each one representing a different wife of Henry VIII. My antique dealer just found an "Anne of Cleves" to complete the set! Frasier goes to the kitchen. Martin: He loves to rub it in. I'm still looking for a "Wilma" to complete my juice glass set. Niles: I'll lend you a hand. [to Adelle] Excuse me. In the kitchen, Niles comes in to have a man-to-man with Frasier. Niles: So, what do you think? Frasier: She seems very nice. Niles: She's fabulous. I know it's only been three dates, but I feel as though I've been rescued. I no longer have to worry about becoming one of those pitiful losers embittered by a failed marriage, leading a lonely pathetic life of... [off Frasier's withering look] fulfillment and good times! Frasier: Shouldn't you make a beeping noise when you back up like that? They come out into the living room. Frasier: Well, coffee will be ready in a moment. Adelle: So what were you two whispering about? The doorbell rings. Niles: Oh, nothing — just how, whenever you think you have your life figured out, something unexpected happens. He opens the door to Daphne. Daphne: Sorry, forgot my keys. Hello, all. Oh, everyone, this is Rodney Banks. In steps a man who is Niles's Doppleganger — same height, same figure, same haircut, same neat suit, same rigid posture — the sole difference is that his hair is brown. Daphne: Dr. Niles Crane. Niles: How do you do? Rodney: The pleasure is mine. They shake hands. In a perfect mirror of each other, they then take out handkerchiefs and wipe their palms. Frasier and Martin stare. Daphne, standing in the middle, doesn't seem to notice. Rodney: Flu season. Niles: Can't be too careful. Daphne: Oh, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, and his father Martin. And... Niles: This is Adelle Childs. Daphne: Hello. Adelle: Hello. Daphne: Well, we've just had the most wonderful day at the marina. Martin: Oh, you get a boat? Rodney: Actually, no. I have an inner-ear curvature that makes me prone to motion sickness. [Martin looks at Frasier, incredulous] But there's a charming bistro there that serves the most exquisite— A phone rings. Mirroring each other again, Niles and Rodney take out cell phones and flip them open. Niles: Not me. Rodney: Not me. It's the cordless phone. Martin picks it up. Martin: Hello? Oh, I can't talk right now, Duke. I'm in the Twilight Zone. [hangs up] Frasier: Would, uh, you like a coffee? Daphne: Oh yes, that would be lovely. Martin: I'll give you a hand, Frasier! Martin gets up and follows Frasier into the kitchen. As soon as they make it in: Frasier/Martin: What the hell was that?! Frasier: I think maybe we should put a little red mark on the real Niles so we can tell them apart! Martin: Niles must be going nuts! Niles comes in. Niles: Can I lend you a hand? Martin: Oh no, that's fine, Niles. [Niles turns to go] Oh, wait, wait a minute! So, uh... what do you think of Rodney? Niles: Well, so far I'm not impressed. Bit of a pretentious fop, wouldn't you say? Martin: He doesn't, uh, remind you of anyone? Niles: Remind me of anyone... Rodney comes in. Rodney: So sorry, but about my coffee? I neglected to mention that I like my milk steamed, with just a dollop of foam, such as might give the impression of a cumulus cloud reflected in a still pond. Niles: Consider it done. Rodney smiles and leaves. Niles: I want to kill myself! Frasier and Martin laugh. Martin: Come on, Niles, it's funny! Niles: No! It's not remotely funny! Frasier talked me out of approaching Daphne on the same night she fell for that man! Frasier: You can't possibly be mad at me! Niles: No, no, Frasier, I'm grateful. [grabs a kitchen knife] Come here, let me show you how grateful I am! Martin: [getting in his way] Niles, calm down! Daphne comes in to get the sugar bowl and cream pitcher. Daphne: Isn't Rodney just great? [everyone agrees] You know, I think it was the moment I broke up with Joe that I heard a voice saying, "Daphne, it's time you went for a completely new type of man." Daphne leaves. Niles grabs a spatula. Niles: You're a dead man! Martin gets in his way again. Frasier: Let's serve our guests their coffee! Frasier and Martin carry cups of coffee out to the living room. Frasier: Here we are, coffee. Milk's on its way, Niles is still steaming. Rodney: Nothing smells quite so heavenly as a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Well, perhaps one thing does. He smells Daphne's hair. Daphne: Oh, stop that! [laughing] He just loves to smell my hair! There's a crash from the kitchen. Frasier winces. Martin thinks, "Uh-Oh." Frasier: [stricken] Anne Boleyn? Niles: [o.s.] Catherine of Aragon. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five – Cafι Nervosa Niles is sitting at a table with his back to the door. Frasier comes in. Niles notices him, then looks away. Frasier: Oh, for heaven's sake, Niles. You don't take my calls, you ignore me. For God's sake, it's the behavior of a pouting adolescent. [sits down] Are you quite finished now? [realizes] You put gum on my chair, didn't you? Niles: Yep. Frasier: [removing the gum] Niles, listen: I am terribly sorry if I steered you wrong. But just think about it. You do have a wonderful new woman in your life now, don't you? Niles: Yes, I—I suppose I do. Frasier: And Adelle does make you very happy, doesn't she? Niles: [perking up] Yes. [chuckles] Yes, she does. Frasier: Well, then, if you've ever taken any of my advice before, take this: Adelle may very well be the path to your happiness. No sooner are the words out of his mouth than Adelle comes into the cafι, on the arm of Rodney. They sit in a corner booth together. Niles doesn't see them. Frasier: But let's say I'm wrong... Niles: But-but you're not wrong. Adelle is a wonderful, affectionate woman. Frasier chuckles nervously. Niles: She's clearly drawn to a man of my type. Frasier: Mmm. Niles: Just thinking about her lifts my spirits. Frasier... thank you. Frasier: Niles, uh... [sighs] look. Niles turns and looks. He turns back to Frasier with outrage. Niles: I don't believe it! The betrayal! No one treats Daphne like that! He rises angrily to his feet. Frasier restrains him. Frasier: Niles! Whatever you do, do not engage him in a physical fight. The whole thing would just look too weird! Niles steps forward. Niles: Hello, Adelle. They look up. Adelle: [startled] Oh no. Rodney: I know this may look a tad incriminating, but the truth is— Niles: Oh, spare me, you ludicrous popinjay. I know exactly what's going on here, I saw the whole thing from my table. Adelle: I was going to call you! You see, Rodney and I... I'm sorry. Niles: So am I, Adelle. But I'm mainly sorry for Daphne. How do you intend to handle that small matter? Rodney: I was planning on telling her this evening at Granville's. We're meeting for drinks. Niles: Granville's... why don't you do her a favor? Let me tell her. It might be better coming from a friend. Rodney: Yes, perhaps you're right. Please tell her that I'm sorry. Sometimes, when a man meets the woman that he's meant to be with, [clasps Adelle's hand affectionately] there's nothing he can do to resist it. I hope Daphne understands that. Niles: I hope she understands it too. Niles leaves the Cafι. Frasier steps forward. Frasier: Rodney... [growling] Adelle. He gets his coat to leave, but turns back. Frasier: You know, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you, Rodney: do you have an older brother? Rodney: As a matter of fact, I do. He's always been the pride of the family — handsome, successful, brilliant. I've always been rather jealous of him. Frasier: Spooky. He leaves. Rodney and Adelle look somewhat puzzled. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six – Granville's That evening. Daphne is sitting at the bar with a glass of red wine. Niles comes in. Niles: Evening, Daphne. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: You don't seem surprised to see me. Daphne: I was running late, so I called Rodney on his cell phone. He told me everything. Niles: Oh. I'm sorry. Daphne: I'm sorry for you, too. [raising her glass] Join me in a little sorrow-drowning? Niles: I believe I will. [to bartender] One more of these, please. [the bartender pours him a glass of wine] Thank you. [to Daphne] Well, I can't really blame Adelle. Rodney's that sort of man that women seem to go for. Daphne: [sadly] Yes, he is. Niles: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Daphne: You didn't. I guess I'm just in more of a mood to hear about his negative qualities right now. Niles: Well, he's a bit of a know-it-all, a bit fussy... Daphne: Has to have everything just so, he's nuts about cleanliness, then there's his clothes, his precious shoes— Niles: I don't like this road we're on. I mean, wouldn't it be better if we discussed what's in our futures? Daphne: I suppose so. I'll tell you one thing. After the run I've had, I pity the next man I date. I'd probably rip him to shreds. Niles: What about the man after that? Daphne: Men can be such an unfeeling lot. Look at Rodney — the moment he heard I'd just broken up with someone, he moved right in for the kill. Is that how all men are? Niles: No, not all men. Daphne: Of course they aren't. You're not. You're kind, sensitive — you ask me, you were too good for that Adelle. Niles: Thank you, Daphne. You know, the truth is my heart was never really in that relationship. Daphne: I thought it might not be. Niles: There was someone else who was too much on my mind. Daphne: I had a feeling, Dr. Crane. Niles: You did? Daphne: Yes. As long as you still have feelings for your wife, you know you can't be involved with anyone else. It makes sense to me — I know I'd never get involved with a man who was separated. Niles: Even if he'd worshipped you from the day he laid eyes on you? Daphne: And don't think that's not just how they put it, too! [laughs] No, I think I need to do a bit of separating myself — from Joe, I mean. Yes, I'll wait a good long time before I do anymore dating. Niles: Well, I'm glad to hear that. Daphne: [chuckling] You know, it's funny when you think about it — the two of us coming to this same singles bar this week? Why, this was the very stool I was on when I met Rodney. Niles: I was sitting here when I met Adelle. [she chuckles again] What? Daphne: Oh, I was just thinking. If it'd been a different time in both our lives, we might actually have met. How do you suppose that would have gone? Niles: What, our conversation? Daphne: Yeah, come on! Just for fun — we could both use a smile. Niles: Well, uh... first I would have said, "Is this seat taken?" And you would have said, "no." You would have said, "my name is Daphne," and I would have said "my name is Niles." And then I would have said... "What are you doing for the rest of your life?" Daphne: [laughing] You always know just what to say. [then, as a friend would say it] Oh, I love you, Dr. Crane. Niles: I love you too, Daphne. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Apartment Frasier is having another stare-down with Eddie. It's going nowhere. Martin tells Frasier to get up. Frasier gets up. Martin sits opposite Eddie and gives him a good, hard stare. Eddie breaks and runs away. Martin smiles at Frasier.
Plan: A: Daphne; Q: Who breaks up with Joe? A: Niles; Q: Who decides to tell Daphne how he feels about her? A: Frasier; Q: Who convinces Niles to wait to tell Daphne how he feels about her? A: The next day; Q: When does Niles arrive at Daphne's apartment with a bouquet of flowers? A: a man; Q: Who is Rodney? A: the same singles bar; Q: Where does Roz take Niles to meet a woman? A: character; Q: What is Rodney similar to Niles in? A: Café Nervosa; Q: Where do Frasier and Niles see Rodney with Adelle? Summary: Daphne breaks up with her boyfriend Joe. Niles decides to tell Daphne how he feels about her, but Frasier persuades him to wait for a day in order to consider it. The next day, Niles arrives at the apartment with a large bouquet of flowers, only to find that the previous night Daphne met a man called Rodney at a singles bar, whom she intends to go out with. Niles is despondent, but determined not to let it get him down, and asks Roz to take him to the same singles bar, where he meets a woman called Adelle. Rodney proves to be very similar in character to Niles, though neither Daphne nor Niles seem to realise it. Frasier and Niles later see him in Café Nervosa with Adelle.
Scene: The apartment. Leonard is sorting out Chinese food. Leonard: Let's see, Raj was the Kung Palo Chicken. Penny: I'm the dumplings. Howard: Yes, you are. Penny: Creepy, Howard. Howard: Creepy good or creepy bad? Leonard: Who was the Shrimp with Lobster Sauce? Howard: That would be me. Come to Poppa, you un-kosher delight. (To Penny) I'm not necessarily talking to the food. Penny: Sit over there. Sheldon (entering, to Penny who is in his spot): Sit over there. Baby wipe? Penny: What do you have.... Leonard and Howard together: Don't! Don't! Don't! Sheldon: I'll tell you why. Leonard and Howard: O-o-o-oh! Sheldon: I had to sanitize my hands because the university replaced the paper towels in the rest rooms with hot air blowers. Penny: I thought the blowers were more sanitary? Leonard and Howard: Why? Don't! Sheldon: Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence. Frankly it would be more hygienic if they just had a plague infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry. Raj (entering excitedly): Hey guys, I just got the most amazing new... (spots Penny) ew-ew-ew Penny: Gosh, Raj, do you think you'll ever be able to talk in front of me without being drunk? (Shakes head.) Okay, well, I'll just, um, go eat by myself. Leonard: Penny, you don't have to do that. Penny: No, it's okay, between (indicates Raj) him not talking, (indicates Sheldon) him talking and... (indicates Howard) him, I'm better off alone, so, (to Raj) goodbye you poor strange little man (gives him a kiss and exits.) Raj: She's so considerate. Howard: So what's your news? Raj: Remember that little planetary object I spotted beyond the Kuiper belt? Leonard: Oh yeah, two zero zero eight NQ sub seventeen. Raj: Or as I called it, Planet Bollywood. Anyway, because of my discovery, People magazine is naming me one of their thirty under-30 to watch. Leonard and Howard together: Well, wow, that's incredible. Sheldon: Excuse me. Thirty what, under thirty what, to watch what? Raj: Thirty visionaries under thirty years of age to watch as they challenge the preconceptions of their fields. Sheldon: If I had a million guesses I never would have gotten that. Raj: It's pretty cool, they've got me in with a guy who's doing something about hunger in Indonesia, and a psychotherapist who's using dolphins to rehabilitate prisoners, and Ellen Page, star of the charming independent film Juno. Howard: Oh, I'd so do her. Leonard: You'd do the dolphins. Howard: Do I get an honourable mention for designing the telescope camera mounting bracket you used. Raj: Sorry, it's not part of my heartwarming and personal narrative, in which a humble boy from New Delhi overcame poverty and prejudice and journeyed to America to reach for the stars. Howard: Poverty? Your father's a gynaecologist, he drives a Bentley. Raj: It's a lease. Sheldon: I'm confused. Was there some sort of peer review committee to determine which scientists would be included? Raj: Peer review? It's People magazine. People picked me. Sheldon: What people? Raj: The people from People. Sheldon: Yeah, but exactly who are these people? What are their credentials, how are they qualified, what makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock that's been traipsing around the solar system for billions of years more noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment made by someone under thirty? Raj: Boy, I bet Ellen Pages friends aren't giving her this kind of crap. Leonard: Are you proud of yourself? Sheldon: In general, yes. Credits sequence. Scene: Sheldon's office. He is making annotations on his board. Sheldon: Oh, there's my missing neutrino. You were hiding from me as an unbalanced charge, weren't you, you little subatomic Dickens? Leonard (entering with Howard): Hi Sheldon. Sheldon: Here, look, look, I found my missing neutrino. Howard: Oh, good, we can take it off the milk cartons. Leonard: Well, we're going to go apologise to Raj and invite him out to dinner. Sheldon: Apologise, for what? Leonard: Well, he came over last night with some pretty good news, and we weren't very supportive. Sheldon: I sense you're trying to tell me something. Howard: You were a colossal ass-hat. Sheldon: Oh! No, I beg to differ. Of the three of us, I was by far the most supportive. Leonard: Really, do tell. Sheldon: How will Raj ever reach true greatness if his friends lower the bar for him? When I was eleven, my sister bought our father a "world's greatest dad" coffee mug, and frankly the man coasted until the day he died. Leonard: Okay, let's try it this way, what if the People magazine thing is the best Raj is ever going to achieve? Sheldon: I had not considered that. Leonard: Come on. Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad. Howard: He can feel sadness? Leonard: Not really, it's what you and I would call condescension. Scene: Outside Raj's office. Leonard: And when we go in there, let's show Raj that we're happy for him. Sheldon: But I'm not. Howard: Well then fake it. Look at me, I could be grinding on the fact that without my stabilizing telescope mount he never would have found that stupid little clump of cosmic schmutz, but I'm bigger than that. Sheldon: Fine, what do you want me to do? Leonard: Smile. (He does, exaggeratedly.) Howard: Oh crap, that's terrifying. Leonard: We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman. Howard: Try less teeth. (Does. It isn't much better.) Leonard: Close enough, come on. (Knocking and entering.) Hi Raj. Raj: Hey guys, what's up? Howard: We just wanted to invite you out to dinner tonight. Leonard: Celebrate your thirty under thirty thing. Right Sheldon? (He smiles.) Raj: It's very nice of you, I would like that. Gablehauser (entering): Hello boys. Raj: Dr Gablehouser. Gablehauser: Dr Koothrappali. Leonard: Dr Gablehauser. Gablehauser: Dr Hoffstadter. Sheldon: Dr Gablehauser. Gablehauser: Dr Cooper. Howard: Dr Gablehauser. Gablehauser: Mister Wolowitz. Boys, I've got a question for you. Who in this room discovered a star? Raj: Actually, 2008 NQ sub 17 is a planetary body. Gablehauser: I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. You, my exotic young friend are my star. Sheldon: Well, you didn't discover him, you merely noticed he was here, much like he did with 2008 NQ sub 17. Leonard: Sheldon! Sheldon: Oh, sorry. (Smiles) Gablehauser: Well, we've got to get you into a better office, something more suited to your status. Raj: Really, you don't have to go to any trouble. Gablehauser: How about if I put you in Von Gerlick's old office? Raj: I'd rather have Fishbine's, it's bigger. Gablehauser: Done. Howard: Wait a minute, I called dibs on Fishbine's office the day he started showing up at work in his bathrobe. Sheldon: He gets a new office, I can't even get paper towels in the men's room? Leonard: Sheldon. Sheldon: Damn, this is hard. (Smiles) Gablehauser: Let me ask you something, what do you think the business of this place is? Leonard (after he, Sheldon and Howard whisper to each other): Science? Gablehauser: Money. Howard: Told you. Gablehauser: And this boy's picture in People magazine is going to raise us a pile of money taller than... well, taller than you (ruffling Howard's hair.) Howard: I have a master's degree. Gablehauser: Who doesn't? Dr Koothrappali, have you ever had lunch in the President's dining room? Raj: I didn't even know there was a President's dining room. Gablehauser: It's the same food as the Cafeteria, only fresh. Come on little buddy. Raj: Okay, big buddy. See you tonight guys. (They leave.) Leonard: You can stop smiling now. Sheldon: Aaaah! Scene: A restaurant. Raj: So anyway, after a fantastic lunch I was whisked off to the People magazine photo shoot... have any of you boys ever been to a photo shoot? Leonard: No. Raj: It's fantastic, apparently the camera loves me and I it. They shot me in front of a starry background where I posed like this. (Stares into space.) They're going to digitally add a supernova, they say it's the perfect metaphor for my incandescent talent. Sheldon: Right, a ball of hot flaming gas that collapses in on itself. (Leonard nudges him. He smiles. Phone rings.) Raj: Excuse me. Oh, it's my assistant Trevor. Go for Koothrappali. Uh-huh. Howard: They gave him an assistant? If I want a new pen I have to go to the bank with wire cutters. Sheldon (still smiling): Have we at this point met our social obligations? Leonard: Not yet. Raj: Okay, just put it on my calendar but start thinking of a reason why I can't go, alrighty? Koothrappali out. God bless that boy, I don't know what I'd do without him. Leonard: You just got him this afternoon. Raj: Yes, but I'm finding that having a lackey suits me. Leonard: A lackey? Raj: Oh, I'm sorry, is that politically incorrect? In India we just call them untouchables. Sheldon: Now? Leonard: Almost. Raj: Speaking of untouchables, I've got great news for you guys. People magazine is having a reception this Saturday, and I managed to get you invited. Howard: Oh, gee, thanks. Raj: Oh, you're welcome. Of course, I couldn't get you into the VIP section, because, you know, that's for VIPs, and you guys are just, you know, Ps. Sheldon: There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea where, when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village they kill him, and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense of course, but one can see their point. (Smiles) Penny (bringing another grasshopper): Here you go, Raj, you might want to drink this one slowly. Raj: Okay, so, Saturday night, can I count on my posse? Howard: Gee, I'd love to Raj, but I can't make it. Raj: Oh, okay, Leonard? Leonard: Well, uh, no I... the... no. Raj: Sheldon? Sheldon: I can make it, but I won't. Penny: What are you guys talking about? Raj: Well, there's a reception for my magazine article on Saturday. Penny: And you guys aren't going? I can't believe you, Raj is celebrating a tremendous accomplishment and you're not even going to be there to support him? Sheldon: A tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered were plummeting toward Earth and he exploded it with his mind. Howard: That would be cool. I'd go to that reception. Penny: Come on, this is huge, Raj is going to be in People magazine. And he didn't even have to knock up one of the Spears sisters. Raj: Would you like to go with me? Penny: Of course I would, I would be honoured. Raj: Really? Cool. Penny: Shame on you guys. (Leaves) Raj: Look at that. I got a date with Penny. I can't believe it took you a whole year. Sheldon: Now? Leonard: Now. (They all get up and leave. Raj looks around himself, then leans over to the next table.) Raj: Hey, buddy. I'm going to be in people magazine. Charlie Sheen (turning round): Yeah, call me when you're on the cover. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Outside Penny's door. Raj in a suit knocks on the door with his foot as he has a glass of champagne in both hands. He drinks one. Penny opens door, she is dressed up also. Penny: Oh, Raj, look at you! Raj: I know, I am resplendent like the noonday sun, am I not? Penny: Um, yeah, starting with the champagne a little early aren't you? Raj: It was in the limo. They sent a limo. I have a limo. I just love saying limo. Here, sip on this while you're getting ready. Penny: Oh, I'm ready. Raj: That's what you're wearing. Penny: Um, yeah, why what's wrong with it? Raj: Nothing, I was just hoping for something a little more, you know, redonkulous. Penny: Yeah, well, this is all the donkulous you're gonna get. Raj: Okey dokey, let's roll. Alright, it's time to raise the roof. Oo-ooh, oo-ooh. Penny (to Leonard who is just coming up the stairs): Hey Leonard. Leonard: Hey. Raj: Dude. Leonard: You look very nice. Raj and Penny together: Thank you. Penny: Uh, come on, good night Leonard. Leonard: Good night. Raj: Hey, Leonard, did you see my limo downstairs. Leonard: Yeah. Raj: It's bigger than the house my grandfather grew up in. Leonard: Terrific. Raj: It has more food too. Penny: Alright, come on, come on. Raj (leaving, singing): I'm coming up so you better get this party started. Leonard (entering apartment): Hey. Howard: Hey, good news, you don't have to sulk about Penny any more, look, there are hundreds of Croatian women just waiting for you to contact them. Leonard: Anythingforagreencard.com? Howard: I'll lend you my user name, it's wealthybigpenis. Leonard: You're joking. Howard: Well, you gotta make it easy for them, they're just learning English. Leonard: Pass. Howard: So you're just going to sit around here and mope while Penny is out with Doctor Apu from the Kwik-e-Mart? Leonard: It's not a date, and that's racist. Howard: It can't be racist, he's a beloved character on the Simpsons. Leonard: Let's just eat so I can get to bed. With any luck tonight will be the night my sleep apnoea kills me. Sheldon: Did you remember to ask for the chicken with broccoli to be diced not shredded? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Even though the menu description specifies shredded? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Brown rice, not white? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard. Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Did you pick up the low sodium soy sauce from the market? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Thank you. Leonard: You're welcome. Sheldon: What took you so long? Leonard: Just sit down and eat. Sheldon: Fine. (Opens carton. Shows it to Leonard in disgust.) Leonard: Alright, it's shredded, what do you want me to do? Sheldon: I want you to check before you accept the order. Leonard: Sorry. Sheldon: Were you distracted by the possibility that Koothrappali might have intercourse with Penny tonight? Leonard: He's not going to have intercourse with Penny. Sheldon: Then there's no excuse for this chicken. You know, this situation with Koothrapali brings to mind a story from my childhood. Howard: Oh goody, more tales from the panhandle. Sheldon: That's Northwest Texas, I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region, home to many Vietnamese shrimpers. Leonard: Do the shrimpers feature in your story? Sheldon: No. Anyway, when I was eight, a Montgomery-Ward delivery van ran over our cat, Lucky. Howard: Lucky? Sheldon: Yes, Lucky. Leonard: He's irony impaired, just move on. Howard: Okay, dead cat named Lucky, continue. Sheldon: While others mourned Lucky, I realised his untimely demise provided me with the opportunity to replace him with something more suited to my pet needs. A faithful companion that I could snuggle with at night, and yet would be capable of killing upon telepathic command. Howard: So, not a puppy? Sheldon: Please, no, nothing so pedestrian. I wanted a griffin. Leonard: A griffin? Sheldon: Yes, half eagle, half lion. Leonard: And mythological. Sheldon: Irrelevant. See, I was studying recombinant DNA technology and I was confident I could create one, but my parents were unwilling to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen. Course my sister got swimming lessons when she wanted them. Howard: Sheldon, not that we don't all enjoy a good lion semen story, what's your point. Sheldon: My point is, if Koothrappali is moving on to a new life of shallow, undeserved fame, perhaps this is an opportunity to create a better cohort. Leonard: You want to breed a new friend? Sheldon: That's one option, but who has the time? But consider this, the Japanese, they're doing some wonderful work with artificial intelligence, now, you combine that with some animatronics from the imagineers over at Disney, next thing you know, we're playing Halo with a multi-lingual Abraham Lincoln. Howard: Sheldon, don't take this the wrong way, but, you're insane. Leonard: That may well be, but the fact is, it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people. Sheldon: Uh, for the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers, or the carriers of unusual pathogens, and I'm not insane, my mother had me tested. Leonard: If we do get a new friend, he should be a guy you can trust. A guy who has your back. Howard: And he should have a lot of money, and live in a cool place down by the beach where we could throw parties. Sheldon: He should share our love of technology. Howard: And he should know a lot of women. Leonard: Yeah, let's see, money, women, technology, okay we're agreed, our new friend is going to be Iron Man. Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj is heard singing in a drunk voice through the door. He enters with his arm around Penny. Raj: Welcome to the Raj Mahal. Penny: Yes, it's very nice, goodnight Raj. Raj: No, wait, the evening's not over. Penny: Yes it is. Raj: No, it's time to put on some R. Kelly and suck face. Penny: Oh, wow, is the evening over. Raj (as a ringing noise is heard): Wait, wait, that's my mummy and daddy calling from India. I want you to meet my parents. Penny: Wait, meet them. Raj (inhales deeply, picks up laptop, presses a button. His mother and father appear on the screen): Hello mummy and daddy, good to see you. I'm not drunk. Mrs Koothrappali: Why would you say that? Raj: Just making conversation. Mummy, daddy, I want you to meet my new squeeze, Penny. Penny: I am not your squeeze. There is no squeezing. Dr Koothrappali: I can't see her, centre her in the frame. Raj: Here you go, cute huh? Mrs Koothrappali: She's not Indian. Dr Koothrappali: So, she's not Indian, the boy's just sowing some wild oats. Penny: No, no, there's no sowing, no squeezing, and no sucking face. Mrs Koothrappali: What if he gets her pregnant. Is this little hotsy-totsy who you want as the mother of your grandchildren. Raj: What right do you have to pick who I can have children with? Dr Koothrappali: Look, Rajesh, I understand, you're in America, you want to try the local cuisine. But trust me, you don't want it for a steady diet. Raj: Now you listen to me, I am no longer a child, and I will not be spoken to like one. Now if you'd excuse me, I have to go throw up. Mrs Koothrappali: What's wrong with him? Penny: I don't know, maybe it's the local cuisine. Okay, well, it's nice to meet you, just gonna set you on down over here, and I'm going to leave so, Namaste. (Leaves, then almost immediately returns) And FYI, you'd be lucky to have me as a daughter-in-law. Dr Koothrappali: She's feisty. I like that. Scene: Penny's apartment. She is in her bathrobe. A note slides under the door. Penny (opening door to find Raj outside): Raj, what are you doing. (He hands her the note). No. No notes. If you have something to say to me, say it. Raj (tries several times. Finally, in a high pitched squeak): Sorry. Penny: Oh, sweetie, it's okay. (She hugs him. As she does, Leonard exits his apartment to see Penny, in bathrobe, hugging Raj who is apparently about to leave. As she goes back inside, Raj turns, smiles, and puts both thumbs up. Leonard turns, with an upset look, to Sheldon who is standing behind him. Sheldon gives him his exaggerated smile.)
Plan: A: 30 Years Old; Q: How old was Raj when he was included in People magazine's "30 Visionaries Under" list? A: trans-Neptunian; Q: What type of object was Raj credited with discovering? A: 2008; Q: What year was NQ17 discovered? A: his friends; Q: Who is jealous of Raj's inclusion in People magazine? A: Leonard; Q: Who thinks Raj's friends should be happy for him? A: star treatment; Q: What does Raj receive from Dr. Gablehauser that makes him arrogant? A: an assistant; Q: What did Dr. Gablehauser give Raj? A: all the guys; Q: Who ditches Raj after he becomes arrogant? A: his People reception; Q: Where does Raj invite Penny to? A: his parents; Q: Who does Raj introduce Penny to via webcam? A: his girlfriend; Q: What does Raj introduce Penny to his parents as? A: Indian; Q: What nationality is Penny not? A: his father; Q: Who likes Penny's resolute nature? A: The following morning, a sober and shy Raj attempts; Q: When did Raj apologize to Penny? A: a written apology; Q: What does Raj try to give Penny the next day? Summary: Raj is included in People magazine's "30 Visionaries Under 30 Years Old to Watch" list for his discovery of the trans-Neptunian object 2008 NQ17, making his friends jealous, though Leonard finds that they should be happy for him. Raj becomes arrogant after receiving star treatment from Dr. Gablehauser and being given an assistant, so all the guys ditch him, and he invites Penny to his People reception. After the party, a very intoxicated Raj returns home with Penny, and via webcam he introduces her to his parents as his girlfriend. His parents object that she is not Indian, though his father likes Penny's resolute nature. She denies being Raj's girlfriend, and escapes after he becomes sick from overdrinking. The following morning, a sober and shy Raj attempts to give Penny a written apology, but she forces him to utter a barely audible "sorry" before forgiving him.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Deaton: If a druid went down the wrong path, there's a Gaelic word for that as well: Darach. Scott: If these aren't random killings, then what are they? Stiles: Sacrifices. Virgins, healers, warriors. Gerard: How do you know your dark druid isn't your wise veterinarian himself? Allison: He's been tracking and marking everything... all the dead bodies. Lydia: I'm not a psychic. Stiles: You're something! Deputy Tara: What are you guys doing here so late? Danny: Practice for a recital tomorrow. Why? Something wrong? There is something wrong, isn't there? Deputy Tara: Someone made a 911 call. All of you need to leave now. If you see anyone else, tell them the same thing. Dispatch, this is unit ten. Do you copy? Dispatch, do you copy? This is Deputy Graeme with the sheriff's department. Step out with your hands in the air. This is the sheriff's department. Come out now. Stiles: Where is she? Allison: Over here. Stiles: Lydia? Lydia: It's the same thing. Same thing as the pool. I got into the car heading somewhere totally different, and ended up here. And you told me to call you if there's a dead body. Stiles: You found a dead body? Lydia: Not yet. Stiles: "Not yet"? What do you mean "not yet"? Lydia, you're supposed to call us after you find the dead body. Lydia: Oh, no, I'm not doing that again. You find the dead body from now on. Stiles: How are we supposed to find the dead body? You're always the one finding the dead body. Scott: Guys. I found the dead body. Sheriff: Excuse me. Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Back it up. I know what you're thinking. I know you've got all these ideas about patterns and people dying in threes... Stiles: Dad, murdered, okay? Sacrificed, actually. Sheriff: I've got half the state, including the FBI, coming in on this. They're not getting away with killing one of our own. Stiles: Dad, they killed Tara. You know, how many times did she help me with my math homework when I had to wait at the station for you? Sheriff: Just, uh, get to class, okay? Chris: I heard about the recital tonight, the, uh, thing to honor the losses at school. Allison: They were murders, dad, not losses. Chris: But your friends will be there, right? Allison: Yeah, I guess. Chris: Want me to take you? Allison: I don't think I'm feeling up for it. Chris: Okay. I get it. Take as many days as you need. School can wait. Allison: What do you think you're doing? Isaac: You weren't at school. Allison: Did Scott send you? Is he checking up on me? Isaac: Uh, uh, maybe he's worried about you. Allison: I can take care of myself. Isaac: Yeah, I've noticed. More than once. Jennifer: Idioms, analogies, metaphors, and similes, all tools the writer uses to tell their story. Lydia, I wasn't aware you had so many hidden talents. Lydia: You and every guy I've ever dated. Jennifer: Oh, um, well, that was an idiom, by the way. Idioms are something of a secret to the people who know the language or the culture. They're phrases that only make sense if you know key words. Saying "jump the gun" is meaningful only if you know about the starting gun in a race, or a phrase like "seeing the whole board." Stiles: Like chess. Jennifer: That's right, Stiles. Do you play? Stiles: Uh, no. My father does. Jennifer: Now, when does an idiom become a cliche? Scott: I think I can get to Ethan. I'm pretty sure I can make him talk. Stiles: What do you want to do that for? Scott: The druids are emissaries, right? So what if the Darach was an emissary to the alphas? Stiles: Okay, first of all, I cannot believe that we've gotten to the point where a sentence like "what if the Darach was an emissary to the alphas?" Actually makes sense to me. Second of all, we're gonna have a huge problem getting to Ethan. Scott: What's that? Stiles: Going through Aiden. Aiden: This whole thing with Danny, it needs to stop. Ethan: He's harmless. And Lydia's the one we're supposed to worry about. Aiden: Then why are you still talking to Danny? Ethan: What difference does it make? Aiden: What do you think we're doing here? You know we're not actual high school students, right? We're here to eliminate a threat, not hold hands and pass notes in class. Ethan: And now, we know he's harmless. Threat eliminated. Aiden: You're starting to like him. Ethan: So what? Aiden: So if Deucalion asks you, would you kill him? Ethan: If Deucalion asks you, would you kill me? Aiden: Stop talking to Danny... Or I'm gonna rip the flesh off his face... and eat it. Stiles: Ever since he's been back at school, they're always together. How are we gonna separate them again? Lydia: What now? What's that look for? Aiden: Nothing. I'm just kind of surprised. You've barely talked to me since... Lydia: since what? Since you killed Boyd? Aiden: I told you that was Kali. I didn't have a choice. Lydia: I thought you were all alphas. Aiden: Yeah, well, it's not as Democratic as it sounds. And if you're thinking I should be all filled with remorse, try and remember Derek killed Ennis. Lydia: So it's his turn to kill someone now.Is that it? Aiden: Maybe. Maybe like the time he and Boyd tried to kill you. Lydia: How'd you know about that? What the hell is that? Aiden: Derek. Ethan: Why are you even talking to me? I helped kill your friend. How do you know I'm not gonna kill another one? Stiles: Is he looking at me? Are you threatening me? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to break off an extra large branch of Mountain ash, wrap it in wolfsbane, roll it in mistletoe, and shove it up your freaking... Scott: whoa, Stiles, okay. We get it. We're talking to you because I know that you didn't want to kill Boyd. And I think that if something like that happened now, you wouldn't do it again. Ethan: You don't know what we owe them, especially Deucalion. We weren't like Kali and Ennis when we met him. We weren't alphas. Scott: What were you? Ethan: Omegas. Aiden: Derek? Lydia: Aiden, stop, please. Aiden: I'm right here, Derek. Lydia: I'll scream. Aiden: You want a fight, Derek? Come and get me. Ethan: In actual wolf packs, omegas are the scapegoat, the last to eat, the one who has to take the abuse from the rest of the pack. Stiles: So you and your brother were, like, the bitches of the pack? Ethan: Something like that. Scott: What happened? Ethan: They were killers. I mean, people talk about us as monsters. Well, they were the ones who gave us the reputation. And our Alpha was the worst of them. Stiles: Why didn't you guys just fight back? Form voltron wolf, you know? Kick everyone's asses? Ethan: We couldn't, we didn't know how to control it back then. Scott: Deucalion taught you. Ethan: And then, we fought. We took down the whole pack, one-by-one. And by the time we got to our Alpha, he was begging for his life. And we tore him apart. Literally. Scott: What about your emissary? They're all dead? Kali and Ennis' too? Ethan: All of them except for Deucalion's. Stiles: You mean Morrell? Ethan: Ah! Scott: What? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Ethan: Not me. My brother. Cora: Ah! Ah! Ah! Lydia: Aiden, stop! Stop! Stop! Ethan: You can't do this! Aiden: She came at me! Ethan: It doesn't matter! Kali gave Derek until the next full moon. You can't touch him or her. Stiles: Hey, guys, I think she's pretty hurt. Isaac: Okay, okay, hold on a second. Your dad's the killer? Allison: No. I mean, I don't think he is at least. I hope he isn't. Isaac: You hope he isn't the serial-killing dark druid who's been slashing people's throats? Allison: Yeah. Isaac: Right. Allison: Do you wanna help me or not? Isaac: Yeah, I'm just... I'm just trying to get all the cards on the table here. Allison: See the marks? There are five more bodies to be found but it doesn't say who the bodies are. What are you doing? Isaac: Something I learned from my father. Take a step back. Look at the whole picture. Sometimes, you see things you wouldn't notice if you were up close when all you're looking at are the details. Allison: Look at that. You see that? Isaac: Whoa. What is that? Allison: A five fold knot. It's a Celtic symbol. Isaac: Virgins. Allison: Warriors. Isaac: Healers. Allison: Philosophers. Isaac: Guardians. Stiles: You okay? Lydia: She doesn't look okay. Cora: I'll heal. Stiles: Uh... Oh. Cora: I said I'm fine. Stiles: Do you realize how suicidally crazy that was? What were you thinking going after them? I did it for Boyd. None of you were doing anything. Scott: We're trying. Cora: And you're failing. You're just a bunch of stupid teenagers running around, thinking that you can stop people from getting killed. But all you do is show up late. All you really do is find the bodies. Stiles: She's definitely a Hale. Mm. I'll make sure she gets home. [SCENE_BREAK] Jennifer: Where the hell have you been? And don't say that you needed to be alone for a while because that is the single worst excuse ever. Oh. God, I'm sorry. You really did need to be alone, didn't you? Derek: I'm here now. And you were safe. Trust me. Jennifer: I haven't felt safe, partially because the evil twins are walking around school like nothing happened. Derek: They're not gonna hurt you. Jennifer: Some days, I just wanna take a sledgehammer to that bell. Derek: Why don't you just come back with me? Jennifer: I can't. I've got three more classes and I put this recital together tonight. I organized it to honor the losses at the school and... and now, it just sounds really stupid, doesn't it? Derek: No. It sounds perfect. Ms Morrell: Sorry, but I don't remember having any more appointments. Scott: You sure? 'Cause I could use a little guidance right now. Stiles: Philosophers? Allison: And guardians, which after last night has to mean something like law enforcement, right? Stiles, you have to tell your dad. Tell him whatever you need but you have to get him to believe. Tell your dad. Warn him. Stiles: Okay, okay, okay, I know. Cora: What are you gonna do? I'm gonna tell him the truth. And I'm gonna need your help. Ms Morrell: Why are you bothering with me, Scott, when you know the clock is ticking? When you know someone else is about to be taken? Scott: By you. Ms Morrell: Come on, Scott. Shouldn't you leave the interrogations to someone like Stilinski? Scott: Are you the one killing people? Ms Morrell: Are you listening to my heartbeat? No. I'm not the one killing people. Truth is, I'm all that stands between Deucalion and the lives of your friends. I've been the one pulling the leash taut when they're salivating for a bite. Scott: What do you mean? Ms Morrell: He wants a true Alpha in his pack. He thinks it's you. And a little distraction like a few human sacrifices isn't gonna dissuade him from the prize. Scott: I'm not an Alpha. Ms Morrell: But you're well on your way, aren't you? Scott: Then what is he waiting for? What does he want me to do? Ms Morrell: He wants to make a killer out of you. That's what he does. Scott: But if I kill someone, I can't be a true Alpha, right? Ms Morrell: Exactly. You want the psychologist's perspective? He's an obsessive who both desires you and is threatened by you. If the obsessive can't have the object of his desire he'll choose to destroy it instead. You'll either willingly become part of his pack or he'll make a killer out of you, destroying your potential to be a true Alpha. Scott: Neither of those is ever going to happen. Ms Morrell: Don't be so sure. You're playing his game. And while you're trying to figure out what to do next, he's thinking ten moves ahead, with checkmate already in sight. Lydia: I don't get why no one's calling the police. Jennifer: They're gonna make an announcement over the P.A. Lydia: That's not gonna do anything! I told you, he's gone. Like the others, taken. Jennifer: Okay. Look, we're just trying to understand, okay? All we know is that Mr. Westover didn't show up for class. Lydia: And the last time that happened was Mr. Harris. Anyone heard from him lately? He's gone. And he's going to be the second murder. Jennifer: But, Lydia, you wrote that number. Lydia: Okay, fine. I'm psychic. Jennifer: You're psychic? Lydia: I'm something! Ethan: A deputy and a teacher? What's the pattern? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Yes, okay. No, oh... Sheriff: Stiles? Stiles: Dad, I'm sorry, okay? I'm just... I'm trying to... I'm just trying to figure out how to start here. Sheriff: Hey, I don't have this kind of time. Stiles: Um, for the last year, you've had all these cases that you couldn't figure out, right? I mean, all the murders involving Kate Argent, and then Matt killing all the people who had drowned him, and all these murders right now. It's like... it's like you've been playing a losing game. Sheriff: Stiles, the last thing I need right now is a job performance review from my own son. Stiles: I know. Okay, see, but that's... that's just it, dad. The... the reason that you're losing the game is 'cause you've never been able to see the whole board. I need to show you the whole board. Allison: I have to stop him. Isaac: Is that really a good idea? I mean, if your dad is actually doing all this stuff... Allison: "if"? Look at this. He knows everything. He's... he's planned everything. Isaac: What are you doing? Allison: If Mr. Westover was taken from the school, there's gotta be another point on the telluric current. Isaac: You mean where he'll be sacrificed. There. That mark's new. Allison: Then that's where he is. Sheriff: Scott and Derek are werewolves? Stiles: Yes. Sheriff: And Kate Argent was a werewolf? Stiles: Hunter. That's... purple's hunter. Cora: Along with Allison and her father. Sheriff: Yeah, and... and my friend Deaton, the veterinarian, is a Kanima? Stiles: Well, no, no, no, no, no. He's a druid, okay? Well, we think. Sheriff: So who's the Kanima? Stiles: Jackson. Sheriff: No, Jackson's a werewolf. Stiles: Jackson was the Kanima first, and then Peter and Derek killed him and he came back to life as a werewolf. Now, he's in London. Sheriff: Who's the Darack? Stiles: It's da-rock. Cora: We don't know yet. Stiles: We don't know yet. Sheriff: But he was killed by werewolves? Stiles: Slashed up and left for dead. Cora: We think. Stiles: We think. Sheriff: Yeah. Why was Jackson the Kanima? Stiles: 'Cause sometimes, the shape that you take reflects the person that you are. Sheriff: And what shape would an increasingly confused and angrier-by-the-second father take? Stiles: Uh, that would be more of an expression like the one you're currently wearing. Sheriff: Yeah. Stiles: Dad... Dad, would you... I can prove it, okay? Look, she's one of them. A werewolf. Sheriff: Stiles, Stiles! That's enough. Stiles: Dad, can you please just hold on? You ready? All right, dad, just watch this, okay? Sheriff: Call an ambulance. Isaac: You really don't think we should call Scott? Allison: Stay behind me and stay quiet. Isaac: Oh, this is so not gonna end well. FYI, if your dad tries to kill me, I'm gonna defend myself. Allison: If my dad tries to kill you, you'll be dead. Isaac: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Whoa. I smell blood. Allison: Where? What direction? Isaac: I don't know. I'm not that good at this yet. But I think it's... Allison. Allison, wait. Allison, don't! Chris: Get down! Help him! Allison: That's Mr. Westover. Isaac: It's our history teacher. Allison: We were wrong. It's not guardians as in law enforcement. Scott: It's philosophers as in teachers. Allison and her father just found Mr. Westover. Stiles: That makes sense. Tara, she wasn't always a cop. She used to teach middle school. Scott: Then the last one's gonna be another teacher. Stiles: Yeah, but there's dozens of them, Scott, and they're all headed home. Scott: No. No, they're not. They're all going to the recital. Allison: You've been tracking the killer on your own this whole time? Chris: Yeah, and I was this close. Could've caught him if the two of you... Allison: So it's my fault? That you've been lying to me for the past two months? Chris: You wanna tally up the lies, Allison? I don't think you're gonna come out ahead on that one. Isaac: Hey, just a thought? Maybe right now isn't the best time for a little family meeting. There's still one more teacher. Chris: The recital. Allison: Guess we're going after all. Stiles: What did you see the night at the bank when Scott was trying to save Deaton? Sheriff: Nothing. Stiles: Dad, you saw him healing himself after he tried crossing the Mountain ash. Sheriff: I don't know what I saw. Stiles: You saw something that you can't explain. Sheriff: Stiles, I have seen a lot of things I can't explain in this town. That doesn't make 'em supernatural and it doesn't make 'em real. They just found another body. That's real. And that's the lead I'm following. Stiles: Yeah, and another teacher's going to die if you don't start listening to me. Sheriff: I am listening! I have been listening! Stiles: You just don't believe. Mom would've believed me. Danny: I know how to tie my own tie. Ethan: Well, you know how to do it badly. Now, it's perfect. Still nervous? Danny: All good. Ethan: Okay. Listen. If anything happens, find me, okay? Find me first. Scott: I thought you were going home. Lydia: I can't. I don't know why I am the one that keeps finding the bodies, but maybe if I just stopped trying to fight it, I'd find them before it happens, maybe with enough time for someone like you to do something about it. Stiles: You get me the time, and I'll do something about it. I swear to God, I will. Cora: Derek? Derek: Hey. Hey, I'm here. Cora: What's happening to me? Derek: I don't know. But I'm not leaving, okay? Not again. Doctor Travis, you have a visitor in the main lobby. Sheriff: The records would be over ten years old. I just need to look over a couple files. Melissa: If this is about the murders, you would need a court order for that. Or someone like me that's willing to bend the rules for a handsome face. Give me the details. I'll see what I can do. Sheriff: Thank you. Lydia: It better be. Melissa: There was a patient just like you described. Slash marks all over the body. Doctors thought it had to be an animal. Oh. But there's something else. Something happened at the same time that was even stranger. Ethan: What's up? Aiden: Nothing. I just think I lost my phone. Sheriff: Birds? Melissa: Hundreds of them. While the patient was in the O.R. struggling to hold on, hundreds of birds were flying into the walls, windows, like they were committing some kind of mass suicide. Sheriff: Or like they were sacrificing themselves. Melissa: For what? Sheriff: Not what. Who. Jennifer: You recognize it, don't you? Stiles: Lydia? Scott: Lydia! Stiles: Anything? She's not answering texts. What do we do? Scott? Lydia: What are you doing? Jennifer: What's necessary. I'm still surprised none of you seem to get that. You call them sacrifices, but you're not understanding the word. It's derived from the Latin sacrificium, an offering to a deity, a sacred rite. A necessary evil. Lydia: Stop. Jennifer: Oh, I wish I could. But you don't know the alphas like I do. Lydia: Please, stop. Jennifer: But you, Lydia, you're not a sacrifice. You're just a girl who knows too much. Actually, a girl who knew too much. Lydia, don't! Stiles: Scott? Jennifer: Unbelievable. You have no idea what you are, do you? The wailing woman. A banshee, right before my eyes. You're just like me, Lydia. Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it. It's too bad, though... And too late. Lydia: No, please... Jennifer: One last philosopher. Chris: Allison! Allison: Mistletoe. Sheriff: Drop it! There was a girl. Years ago, we found her in the woods, her face and body slashed apart. That was you, wasn't it? Jennifer: Maybe I should've started with philosophers, with knowledge and strategy. Healers... Warriors... Guardians... Virgins. Stiles: Dad?
Plan: A: Isaac; Q: Who discovers that Allison's father has been tracking the Darach for a while now? A: guardians; Q: What is the Darach planning to sacrifice next? A: her father; Q: Who do Allison and Isaac think is involved with the Darach? A: the murders; Q: What do Scott and Stiles want to use Lydia to solve? A: Scott; Q: Who goes to Ms. Morrell for guidance? A: Stiles; Q: Whose father tries to save Lydia, but is kidnapped by Jennifer? A: Jennifer Blake; Q: Who is the Darach? A: a banshee; Q: What is Lydia? A: aka "the Wailing Woman; Q: What is Lydia's nickname? A: a guardian; Q: What is Stiles' father's job? A: Deucalion; Q: Who wants Scott to join the Alpha Pack? A: a True Alpha; Q: What does Deucalion want Scott to become? Summary: Allison and Isaac learn that the Darach is planning to sacrifice guardians next, they think that her father is involved with the murders, but end up discovering that he has been tracking the Darach for a while now. Meanwhile, Scott and Stiles want to use Lydia to solve the murders. Lydia discovers that Jennifer Blake is the Darach; Jennifer is about to kill her, when Lydia screams and she realizes that Lydia is actually a banshee , aka "the Wailing Woman"; this explains her attraction and inclination towards the supernatural. Stiles' father tries to save Lydia, but is kidnapped by Jennifer, as he is a guardian. Scott goes to Ms. Morrell for some guidance; Morrell reveals that Deucalion's plan for him is that either Scott will join the Alpha Pack willingly as a True Alpha, or Deucalion will force Scott to kill, destroying his potential to become a True Alpha.
[Brian's office. Two other guys -- looking remarkably similar in identical dark suits, short haircuts, and glasses -- are showing Brian their ideas for the Shullman Shoe campaign.] Bob: Brian! Brian: OK, boys, you've got 15 minutes. What do you got for me? Brad: The Shullman Shoe Layouts. Bob: You're goin' to love it. Brian: I'll be judge of that. [Another young man with a coffee cup comes in] Kip: Sorry. Brian: You're looking for someone? Kip: Yeah, the Shullman Shoe Meeting. Mr.Ryder said I should set in, learn a thing or two he said. Brad: Well, Brian is the best. Bob: The best. Brian: [to Bob] Thanks, Brad. Bob: I'm Bob. Brad: I'm Brad. Kip: I'm Kip Thomas. I just starting here. Brian: Well, sit your ass down, Kip Thomas. The boys are put on the show. So, how we make those f*cking ugly shoe exciting? Brad: The same way we make those f*cking ugly raincoats exciting last May. Bob: Models. By taking your eye off this shoe... Brad: ...and putting on this face. Brian: But the trouble is we're not selling this face. We're selling this hideus shoe! [to Kip] What do you think? Kip: I... I like it but it's...try again. Only... Brad and Bob: Only? Kip: Why try and hide what the product is? Brian: Go on. Kip: I'd just photograph the shoe. With maybe a thought bubble, saying something like, 'I'm not hip. I'm a classic.' Brad: Brian, would we continue please? Brian: No, do we not. 'I'm not hip. I'm a classic.' You givin' it a personality with humor and you tained it with so called dignity. How long have you been here? Kip: Uh, two months. Brian: Their working here for two years. Draw it up. Kip: Me? Bob: Him? Brad: Him? Brian: [to Kip] Him. The boys will help you out. Won't you, boys? [The Happiest Funnest House Ever Built. Lindsay and Melanie are hosting a baby shower for another lesbian couple, Franny and Zoe.] Zoe: I have to say that a year ago I don't think any of us would adream that we sitting here pregnant. I mean it's really happened. Franny: Thanks to two true trail-blazing pioneers, Melanie and Lindsay. Zoe: Now your role models. For us all. [Everyone claps in appreciation.] Mel: [whispers to Linds] I wish their all leave. Lindsay: Shh. Their could hear you. Mel: I don't care if they do. Why we go through this? Lindsay: We're be planned this for months. We can't disappointed Zoe and Franny. How do you think they'd feel? Mel: How do you think I feel? Like a liar and a fool. Lindsay: Can we talk about this later? Mel: Sure honey, like everything else. I'm going to go spike the punch. [At the punch table, Melanie gets a glass and then leans on the table next to some other woman.] Mel: Franny's so cute and tiny. Christ, I hate cute and tiny. Oh, God. You're probably best friends. Marianne: Since high school. Mel: Oh, f*ck. Marianne: I'll drink to that. Don't worry about it. I hate cute and tiny, too. [Meanwhile, in the living room, Franny and Zoe have just gotten a tiny leather jacket for the baby.] Marianne: Christ, I just about kill for a cigarette right about now. All this baby stuff is just making me crazy! Mel: Why? Because you have one? Marianne: Because I don't want one. Don't get me wrong, I like kids. Other peoples kids. About ten minutes. I'm more of a career dyke, myself. [In the living room, Lindsay sits down next to the happy couple.] Mel: I used to say the same thing. That was until we had our son. I'm Melanie Marcus. Marianne: Yeah, I know -- the role model. I'm Marianne McDonald. Definitely not a role model. Mel: Well, good for you. Marianne: Although I suppose you could say I am PC...if 'PC' stands for 'performs cunnilingus.' Mel: Oh god, you're a whiked. Marianne: Thank you. So you wanne sneak outside for a smoke with me? [Babylon! At the bar.] Brian: P-Town party is coming up, boys. I'll make the reservations as usual. For the three of us. Michael: Three of us? Brian: Yeah, me and Emmett and Ted. Michael: And what about me? Brian: You can't go. Michael: Why not? Ted: You're in a relationship. Or have you forgotten? Brian: No more fun for you. Michael: David said I could go as long as I behave myself. Brian: Then, what's the point of goin'? Ted: That just means more guys for me and Em, right, Em? Emmett: Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Ted: What's the matter with you? Brian: He's got razor burn on his balls. Emmett: I'm fine. I'm fine. Brian: Well, then get your ass on the dance floor. Ted: You're coming? Or we have to carry you? Emmett: I just... I just wanna finished my drink. [When The Boys are gone, Emmett pulls out his cell phone and calls Matt] Emmett: Hi, it's Emmett. Help! [At another club on Liberty Avenue. Emmett -- gesticulating wildy.] Emmett: Their making plans to go to P-Town. And now I really want to go. All those men. All those drugs. [Matt pulls his hands down] Emmett: Sorry. And that's not the worst of it. Yeah, I almost sold the watch that my grandfather gave me on my death bed to buy a ticket for Barbra's absolutely final, farewell, I swear to God this is it, concert. I mean, I can barely survive on my own. And I'm going to fill Mrs. Brolin's coffer? That's sick. I'm sick. Matt: But there is a cure. That's why you came to 'See the Light.' Believe me, I know how you feel. I've been there. Look at this. What do you see? [Matt hands Emmett a picture of a drag queen] Emmett: Big mature drag queen or your mother. Matt: That was me. Emmett: No! C'mon. But you're so -- Matt: Straight? Thank you. I keep this photo as a reminder of my former life. But even then, I knew that underneath those wigs, and all those fabulous gowns, there was a conservative Republican computer analyst dying to be freed. That's what 'See the Light' did for me. And they can do this the same for you, if your serious. Emmett: I am, I am serious. I swear to God. Matt: Good, but don't fool yourself. That won't be easy. At some point you may be extricate yourself from certain corrupt influences. Emmett: You mean my friends? Matt: Are they really your friends if they lead you into temptation? Emmett: Well, I never do it deliberately. Matt: Emmett, if you See the Light, you musn't allow anyone or anything to divert you from the path. Emmett: Thank you Matt for your support. Matt: Hey, that's why I'm here. To make sure you don't slip. [Brian's office. Kip comes in.] Kip: Brian? Brian: So, are you CEO of the company yet? Kip: Not for another week or two. So, Mr.Ryder told me you really gonna used me ideas for the shoe ads. Brian: I steal anything good and put my name on it. Kip: That's great. Although Bob and Brad aren't too happy about it. Brian: Well, people with no talent usually are when someone with real talent come in town comes along. Kip: Yeah, well, you're pretty talented yourself. In fact, you have a reputation. Brian: I do? Kip: For being the best accountant ad exec in the company. Brian: Yeah, that to. Kip: And that's why I ask if I can work with you? Brian: I thoughed Ryder has send you. Kip: Yeah,uh... I... lied. Brian: Come here for a second. This is a new compaign we're starting for Liberty Air. I want you on the team. Kip: Oh my god, that's... that's fantastic. Wow. How can I ever thank you? Brian: Doin' a good job. Kip: You can count on it. [Instead of walking out the door, he closes it, turns back to Brian] Kip: I just want you to know that you can count on me for anything. Day or night. Brian: Well, you really are going for the gold watch. Kip: I mean it, because I think that you are really, really amazing. [He's about to unbuckle Brian's pants and lean in for a kiss, when Brian stops him.] Brian: What are you doin'? Kip: sh1t. I'm sorry. Um, I didn't mean to. Look, I don't know what I was thinking. Brian: Yeah, well, whatever it was you thought wrong. Because I'm the one who makes the first move. [And with that, he rips open Kip's shirt, sweeps all the papers off his desk and throws a surprised Kip onto it. Brian then pulls a condom out from somewhere, throws it in the air, catches it in his mouth, and rips it open with his teeth. The camera starts shooting from underneath the glass, so you can see Kips thighs and butt pressed up against it. So, Kip's all panting, and Brian's all pumping and sweating, and Kip finally comes.] [Cut to Mike in the passenger seat of Brian's Jeep, eyes wide as he exclaims] Michael: You f*cked him in your office? Brian: He was the best thing to come across my desk in a long time. Michael: You're unbelievable. Brian: Yeah, that's what he said. Michael: I didn't mean it like that. Brian: Don't tell me, no one's ever had a Big O at the Big Q? Michael: I wouldn't know. Brian: Well, I would and first hand. And I mean first hand experiences. Michael: Are you sayin...? Brian: Remember last Christmas when I came to pick you up and you sending me up for Santa's workshop? Michael: Not Santa! Don't tell me you f*cked Santa? Brian: Not even I would do that. [Pause] I'm not into fat. It was his elf. Michael: You didn't! Brian: What he lacked in feet, he made up for in inches. Michael: I don't want to know. But you better be careful. I mean doin' it in your office -- that may be a little high-risk, even for you. Brian: But he ask for. He want one for me. I gave him a great opportunity, and a great f*ck. He has no complaints. [The House so Happy that Disney Should Sue. Melanie's in the living room working as Lindsay walks in, cheerfully talking to Franny on the phone.] Lindsay: It was our pleasure, Franny. When it happens, don't worry, we'll be there, ok? Love you Zoe, and Mel send her love, too. OK. Bye. Franny and Zoe send their love. Mel: That's nice. Lindsay: They really appreciated the shower and their really like the mobile I made for them. Mel: Do you ever get tired for been so cheery? Lindsay: You have no idea. Mel. Well, I'm tired of putting in all these extra hours so you can be with the baby. So, why don't you just go -- go be with the baby. Lindsay: It's not just for me. I wish you stop saying that so Gus can be... Mel: ...raised by one of this mommies instead of an stranger. Now, can I please get to work? Lindsay: Not until you apologized for the way you behave on the shower. Mel: How do I behave? Lindsay: We were rude, critical, the other time you don't be there. Mel: What about your behavior? Smiling and gracious as ever, as if nothing's wrong. Lindsay: Plenty is wrong. We just don't share that with our friends. Mel: Maybe they should. Maybe our friends should know that their role models aren't so perfect after all. Lindsay: Were do you goin'? Mel: For a smoke. [Emmett at home. Emmett's packing up all of his sex-related paraphernalia.] Emmett: Shaving Ryan's Privates, Good Dick Hunting, As Big as it Gets - gone. Oh, Fatal Erection - film classic. Sterling silver cock ring - I looked fabulous on. [Mike and Ted walk in. Mike came by to pick up the mail] Michael: Hi, Em. Emmett: Oh, hi. Michael: I just came by to keep the mail. Emmett: Right there. Ted: We want to see if you grab to bite... [he sees the box] What you're doin'? Emmett: Spring cleaning. Michael: It's December. Emmett: Yeah, I'm just donating some things to the homeless. Ted: Black leather caps. p0rn tapes. And a double-headed dildo. Well, you are going to make some lucky bag lady very happy. Emmett: All right, well, I might as well be straight with you. Michael and Ted: Straight. Emmett: It's not impossible, you know? I know that you guys are my friends, and that you'll support me in anything I choose to do. Michael: Of course. Ted: Weren't we there to cheer you on when you painted your toenails magenta? Emmett: I've decided that I need to explore the part of me that isn't gay. Ted: And what part, pray tell, would that be? Emmett: So, I... I just joining those groups, 'See the Light'. Ted: Oh sh1t! Emmett: And their gonna help me find my way back to my true self. Michael: Who you are is your true self! Emmett: No, this is who I allowed myself to become. Michael: That's bullshit! Emmett: They said you might react badly. Ted: Yeah, what else did "they" say? Emmett: That I can be the person god wants me to be. Ted: Jesus Emmett, they're brainwashing you. Emmett: No, they're not. They're very nice people. Ted: Yeah, who just happen to want every gay person on earth annihilated! Michael: They haven't offered you any Kool-Aid yet, have they? Emmett: You know, I really don't appreciate been moped. Michael: That's the napkin Liza autographed for you! Emmett: Gone. [Liberty Avenue.] Ted: This is all my fault. I'm the one who beg on him to come with me to my hiv test. If he hadn't, he would never this happened. Michael: You're not responsible for losing his mind. Ted: Maybe all he needs is one good f*ck to forget all about this. [They pass a guy handing out flyers and take one.] Ted: Look at this. Zack O'Tool in a plate. Michael: The pornstar? Ted: I have his entire "oeuvre" on DVD. Michael: I didn't know he could talk. Ted: I wonder what kinda play this is. Michael: What kind of play do you think something called "Twelve Horny Men" is? Ted: Why we don't find out? [The friendly neighborhood lesbian bar. Marianne and Melanie sit at a table, smoking and drinking. Melanie sighs, exhaling a stream of smoke in the air] Mel: It feel soo good. Sometimes I would do anything for a cigarette. Marianne: Well, that's good to know. So why do you indulge yourself when you feel like it? Mel: I gave up smoking when the baby became. Lindsay was concerned about secondhand smoke. She's right. Marianne: Is Lindsay one of those people who's always infuriatingly right? Mel: About almost everything, damnright. It was such a relief, I mean at the shower everyone talking babies, breathing babies. Marianne: Yes, it was a bit oppressive. Mel: I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my son. But sometimes... Marianne: ...sometimes, you just need something else. Mel: You mind if I'm smoking? Marianne: I have another pack. Mel: Oh, it's okay. [As the waiter puts down two more glasses of wine.] Mel: MM? Marianne: Yeah, you, me, and Marilyn Monroe, we all have the same initials. What do you think that means? Mel: Yee, that two of three are dykes? Marianne: You know, I actually heard... Mel: No! Stop! Marianne: I'm serious. Well, I think this is fate. Just when you needed someone to tell your troubles to. Not that you have to tell me. Considering that I'm your new best friend and weed pusher. Mel: Look, everyone has this. Marianne: I know. Wait until you get a load of mine. But I want you to know someting. That whatever's said here at this table doesn't go any further. Girl Scout's Honor. [Brian's. Justin's dropped by.] Brian: How long have you known me? I don't 'do' dates. Justin: It's not a date! I asking you to come with me to Babylon. Brian: The answer is no. I have work to do. Justin: Since when this ever stopped you? [Brian smacks him on the butt] Brian: Why are you studying you for your SATs? Justin: Dancing helps my concentrating. Seriously, it release certain endorphins so that I can study harder and for longer periods time. Brian: So, Babylon's good for your health. That's a new one. [The doorbell rings, and Justin runs to get it, but Brian pulls him back.] Brian: Yeah? Kip: "Hey, it's Kip." Justin: Who? Brian: Is none of your business. Justin: Who? Brian: And it is business, believe it or not. Justin: That's okay. I'll just find someone else to dance with. Shouldn't be a problem. Brian: So that you can study, longer and harder. [Justin walks down the stairs and Kip comes up in the freight elevator. Justin sort of lurks around a corner to check Kip out and then mopes off. ] Brian: You had problem to find it? Kip: No, your direction was fine. Brian: Good, you brough your work. Kip: Man, this is awesome. Brian: Would you like something to drink? Kip: Yeah, you have some beer? Brian: Yeah. Kip: So, if you don't mind if I'm asking, how much is this place like cost? Brian: More than you can afford on your current salary. Kip: Not for long. Brian: Yeah, I'm sure you'll go far. Kip: You mind if I take a look around? Brian: Go ahead. I'll be right with you. [Brian goes back to his desk to organize his paperwork.] Brian: So, why don't we -- [Brian finds him sprawled out naked on the bed.] Brian: ...get started. Kip: That's just what I had in mind. [The "play." As Ted and Mike watch in anticipation, Zack O'Tool strides the stage] Zack: We've been locked in this jury room for three days. Three days, trying to reach a verdict. Three days with no human contact. [The audience is all men, most with their mouths open in awe. Ted, for one, has rolled up his program and is subconsciously running his hand up and down it.] Zack: Three days breathing the air in here, thick with the smell of man-stench. Michael: [whispers to Ted] Speaking of stench, you ever heard such of dialogue? Ted: Sssh, it's brilliant. Zack: Well, there's only one way to break this deadlock. [Audience holds its collective breath, Zack rips off his shirt, and then rips off his pants. Shot from behind, his dick falls, like, halfway to the floor. The other eleven jurors rip off their clothes, too, and the crowd bursts into applause.] Michael: This must be how they reached a verdict in the O.J. trial. Ted: That's what I call a hung jury! Bravo! [SCENE_BREAK] [Outside after the play, Ted and Mike make their way through the crowd of losers asking for O'Tool's autograph. When they're finally in front of him, they start giggling like schoolboys] Michael: That was a really interesting play. Zack: To me, it challenges the very nature of our legal system and asks, 'Is it indeed possible to even receive a fair trial?' Ted: Well, I'd say that our judicial branch is in fine shape. Zack: So, do you like to sign your programme? Ted: Uh, actually Mr.O'Tool... [to Mike] I can't actually talk to Zack O'Tool. Michael: We were wondering if... Ted: ...ever did personal appearances? Zack: I got a open play on Saturday. Michael: No, we're thoughed about more... personal appearances. Ted: It's a very good friend of ours is having certain doubts about himself. And since you are his very favorite, favorite p0rn star, we're thoughed you can see him. Zack: Tell him he can see my show. Or, wait until next month, when I'm making my Shakespearean debut as Coriol Anus. Michael: It might be late by then. He needs you now. Ted: We'll pay! A thousand dollars! Michael: Are you out of your f*cking mind?! Ted: No. But Emmett is. [The Mickey-Can't-Touch-This House. Melanie creeps in the door and takes a deep breath before starting up the stairs.] [Cut to Melanie and Marianne at Marianne's place, walking in the door.] [Cut back to Melanie walking up the stairs, as the camera focuses on her hand -- the one with the wedding ring on it -- holding onto the banister.] [Cut back to Marianne's, as Marianne takes the same hand and leads it up her own staircase.] [Back to Mel's, as she tries to enter her and Lindsay's bedroom without making any noise.] [Cut to back to Marianne, lighting a candle, and then seductively blowing out the match. Melanie, with a determined look on her face, takes off her jacket and joins Marianne on the bed.] [Cut back to Melanie and Lindsay's bedroom, as Lindsay sleepily calls her name.] Lindsay: Mel? Mel: Sorry I wake you. Lindsay: You left so angry. What time is it? Where have you been? [Cut back to Marianne's bed, where Mariane runs her hands up Melanie's body and hey have s*x.] [Cut back to Mel and Linds] Mel: Nowhere - out. Lindsay: Aren't you tell me were you goin' without called? What if Gus or I need you? [Back to Marianne's bed. More s*x.] [Back to Mel and Linds.] Mel: I told you, I was for a cigarette. Lindsay: All night? Mel: I need the time to myself. [Marianne's Bed. Mel kisses her breats. She's moaning.] [Back to Mel and Linds.] Lindsay: Of course you are. I was just worried. Are you alright? [Marianne's bed. After the s*x.] Marianne: Are you okay? Mel: I'm fine. [Back to Mel and Linds.] Mel: I'm gonna go and sleep in the guest room. [Emmett. There's a knock at the door, and Emmett answers it. It's Zack, with the big sideways bulge in his jeans to prove it. Emmett's in shock.] Emmett: Oh my god, you're Zack O'Tool. Zack: I'm looking for Emmett Honeycut? Emmett: Look, that's impossible. Zack: And why is that? Emmett: Because that's me. Zack: Well, I heard that you're one of my biggest fans. I thought I'd drop by and see just...how big. Emmett: I know every inch of you. I mean I know you inside... and out... Zack: You mind if I come in? Emmett: Make... make yourself com... comfortable. You know how people say how much smaller movie stars are when you see them in real life? Well, you're actually...not. In fact you looked just like you did in "Hung Like a Horse" were you raped the two stable boys. [Zack grins and sits down on the couch.] Zack: Their was one of my favorites. Emmett: Oh, this one what I really like is a scene in "Eating Out" when you raped the two busboys. Zack: I'm horny. I need some release. Emmett: Oh, my God, that's exactly what you say in Deep End, Part II when you rape the two pool boys. Zack: I got the golden dildo for best act on that one. Emmett: I know and it was so deserved. Zack: Emmett, how'd you like to make friends with my buddy here? Emmett: Me? Blows Zack O'Tool? I have dreamt about this moment all my life! Zack: Well, he's waiting for ya. [The ad agency. Kip walks into Brian's office as Brian's walking out.] Kip: Hey, how's goin'? Brian: I'm gonna get a meeting outside the office in 20 minutes. Kip: I hope it's not like our meeting outside the office. Brian: What? Oh! Kip: So, when we are get together? Brian: Ask Cynthia to check my schedule. Maybe after the shoeman meeting. Kip: I meant for dinner. Brian: I don't know. I'm late. [Kip stops him before he gets into the elevator.] Kip: Listen, before you go there is something I ask you. Brian: You have thirty seconds. Kip: Grayman bumped up to director which means there is a job available. I like to go up for it. And I like you to recommend me. And I'll be damngood. Brian: I think you would be to. Kip: Thanks. Brian: But not yet. Kip: Why not? Brian: It's too soon. Kip: But you keep telling me how great my ideas are. Brian: They are but you have still a lot to learn. Kip: Why can I learn on the job? Brian: I admire your ambition, but you need the experience to back it up. Give it time. Kip: I don't have time. By then it will get it to someone else. Look, I know I'm not be perfect. Brian: I told you - you are not ready. [The Hospital. The Righteous Babe Brigade has gathered together once more, this time to celebrate Franny and Zoe's bundle of joy. Lindsay, leaning across the bed right next to Marianne.] Lindsay: Another boy. None in the group has a girl yet. Marianne: I know two gays, Harry and Sam, they're just had a little girl. Lindsay: I'm Lindsay. Marianne: Marianne. I was for the shower. Lindsay: That's right. Marianne: You know, you two have a beautiful home, and a beautiful son. Hell, you have a beautiful life. I hope you two take care of each other -- you know, protect what you've got. You don't want to lose it. [Melanie enters, and everyone turns around to look at her. Melanie just about turns blue when she sees Marianne and Lindsay standing next to each other.] Lindsay: Franny and Zoe had a boy! Franny: There you are, Mel. Come look at Gus's new best friend. Mel: He's uh... georgious. Franny: Isn't it like déjà-vu? I mean, it wasn't that long ago that you and Lindsay were right here. Zoe: I remember how radiant you two looked. Lindsay: You two look the same way. Mel: Would you guys excuse me? [In the hall of the hospital.] Lindsay: Mel? Mel: We were radiant, weren't we? When we had Gus. We were so happy. Lindsay: Yes, the most beautiful moments on my life. Of our lives. Mel: So how did we get through this? Lindsay: To what? Mel: To where we are. Lindsay: We have our problems, but... Mel: Not they're not just problems, everything's wrong. Lindsay: Not everything. Look, I've be thinking. If you would help to talk to someone then we just should do, like you said. Mel: Something happened. Lindsay: What? Mel: [can't see in Lindsay's eyes] Something happened. I didn't mean for it to. But it did. Lindsay: I don't understand. What do you mean? [she get it] Who has she? Mel: Doesn't matter. Marianne: The nurses come to get the baby. We only have a few moments. [Lindsay staggers away down the hallway, away from all of them.] Mel: I'm sorry, Linds. [Babylon! Brian, Justin, Ted, and Mike are at the bar.] Brian: You put Emmett up with Zack O'Tool? Michael: I wish I could be seen there to see his face. He open that door and he him... Ted: ... standing there. Justin: Zack O'Tool have supposed to have a twelve-inch dick. Michael: How do you know who Zack O'Tool is? Justin: Everyone knows who the 'Manrammer' is. Michael: Even schoolboys? Ted: That's part of the curriculum. 'Gay p0rn Stars 101.' Brian: Yeah, and here's the first lesson: those that can, do. Those that can't, watch p0rn. See ya, boys. [Brian spots his next conquest and heads off. He follows, like, whoever, into the Back Room of s*x. And who should he run into instead but Kip. Kip's higher than the Mir Station this evening.] Kip: Hey Brian, you wanna dance? Brian: I don't think so. Kip: Well we're not in the office now, so let's go down. Brian: I'm busy. Well at least I was. What do you want? Kip: Double bumps. Brian: You shouldn't let see Senior Management know that. Kip: I'm just celebrating. Tonight is a special occasion. Brian: Oh? Kip: Yeah, didn't hear you? This guy got a new position for this job when you recommend me. Brian: Look, I told you... Kip: You obliged to help me out. Brian: Why, because I f*cked you? You weren't that good. Kip: I'm gay, and you're gay. Brian: Yeah, we're all gay. Do you think that means you some... Kip: Favor? We're supposed to help each other. Brian: The same way I did, by helping yourself. By doin' the job better than anybody else. If you can do that and, trust me, they won't give a sh1t where you stick your dick, and don't mix that with booze. There. I did you a favor. [Liberty Avenue, the next day.] Ted: That's the fourth message I left for him. Michael: He's probably recovering from having Zack O'Tool f*cking his brains out. Ted: That what it takes if he never think to 'See the Light' again then the 1,000 Dollars I spend are well worth. [They spot Emmett across the street, run to him] Michael: Were have you been? Ted: You've got our messages? Emmett: Uh, I've been busy. Ted: I'll bet you have. Michael: So, come and have a drink with us. Emmett: I can't. I'm meeting someone. Michael: A guy? Emmett: Well, if you must know, yes. His name is Matt. Ted: Well, guys named Matt, by my calculation, are always 87.5 percent cute! So tell us all about it. Emmett: All about what? Michael: The other night. Emmett: The other night? Ted: Well when a certain someone with a well developed something came in your chamber door. Emmett: Oh, you mean Zack. Ted: I love when he is so. Emmett: It was quite an eye-opening experience, and I owe it all to you. Ted: Oh anything for a friend. Michael: As long as it did the trick. Emmett: It did the trick all right. Really I can't you thank enough. It helped me prove to myself that I can resist any temptation, even it's the only man I've ever had a spontaneous orgasm over provided by resolve strong enough. Ted: What?! Did you mean, you didn't do anything? Emmett: Talked. Ted: You talked?! Emmett: Did you know he studied acting with Uta Hagen? And he's fluent in three languages. Ted: That's not the kind of tongue action I paid a thousand dollars for! Emmett: You paid a thousand dollar? Ted: Damnright I did, buddy! Emmett: Wow. They told me you'd stop at nothing to prevent me from finding my true self and there were right. Michael: Emmett, listen to me. You always found your true self. Ted: Your true self is a big nelly queen who likes to get down on his knees and suck cock, and once a year, on Halloween, likes to get dressed as the ugliest f*ckin' Cher that the world as ever seen! And that's okay! You've got to get away from those sicko creeps before they destroy you. Emmett: No. No. Actually it's you to get away from. They tried to tell me that, but I didn't want to believe them. But now, I've seen the light. [And he walks down the street, accompanied by completely inappropriate Gospel music.] [The Happy Fun Discorama. Mel packing. Lindsay's holding Gus] Lindsay: Mel, you don't have to go. Mel: I've caused enough harm. It would only be destructive to you, to me, to Gus. Lindsay: You haven't even say where you goin'? To her? Mel: There is never any attention to make of it what it was. I'm gonna go to stay with my cousin Rita. Lindsay: The one with the overbite, who thought we'd never make it? Mel: Well, I guess she deserves the prize for being right, huh? I guess, that's everything for know. Can I have a moment alone with Gus? [Lindsay actually hands her the baby and leaves the room.] [Brian's office. Bob and Brad bravely face The Sneermaster once again over the wingtip campaign.] Brad: We thought the nostalgia would appeal to the denture set. Brian: By reminding them that their best years are behind them, and all they have to look forward to is further deterioration. And death. Bob: We though it would make them smile. Brian. They're afraid to smile. Their f*cking teeth will fall out! Where is Kip? Brad: Uh, he called in sick. Brian: sh1t. Ryder: Brian, can I talk to you? Brian: I finishing your parading later. [Both are leaving the room. Ryder closes the door.] Brian: What's up? Ryder: You tell me. Legal just receive the fax from Kip Thomas lawyer. He says that you promised to help Mr. Thomas's career in exchange for sexual favors. And when he, uh, complied, then you rescinded your offer. Brian: Well, that's complete another bullshit. Ryder: Well bushit or not he's suing you and us for sexual harassment. [Brian's face slacks in horror.]
Plan: A: Brian; Q: Who sleeps with a co-worker who files a complaint against him? A: Emmett; Q: Who is trying to go straight? A: Melanie; Q: Who finds solace from Lindsay in the arms of another woman? Summary: Brian sleeps with a co-worker who then files a complaint against him; Emmett continues to try to go straight; Melanie finds solace from Lindsay in the arms of another woman.
SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. At the town harbor, Belle is walking with Ariel. [SCENE_BREAK] Belle: So if the name Rumple gave you is correct, he works here. (She points ahead.) (They stop near the harbor where a fisherman is busily working. He does not notice the two women standing nearby. Ariel smiles upon recognizing the man.) Belle: Is that him? Is that Eric? Ariel: Yes. (The fisherman, Eric, hacks his cleaver into a fish; severing its head. Ariel looks downcast while Belle appears amused.) Ariel: Wow. He must really hate me. Belle: Go on, go to him. (Ariel sighs; smiling in nervousness. Belle physically pushes her towards him.) Go on. (Ariel approaches Eric. He finally glances up and is stunned to see her.) Eric: Ariel. (Ariel smiles; clearly overjoyed. Eric takes off his work suit and walks up to her. They kiss passionately.) (Belle looks on, pleased, when she hears a strange noise in the air. She looks up at the sky. In awe, she watches a flying ship poke out of the clouds. Ariel and Eric break apart to stare up at the ship as well.) Ariel: What's that? (The ship rapidly plunges down. It breaches past the barrier surrounding the town.) Belle: He's back. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The town harbor. As the ship's walkway is pulled down to allow the passengers to descend down to the dock, the cheering voices from the townspeople is heard. [SCENE_BREAK] ("Henry" steps onto the walkway first, pausing as he takes in everything, and then proceeds to get off the ship. Behind him, Emma, Mary Margaret and David follow suit. Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Happy, Leroy, Mr. Clark, Walter, Mother Superior, Archie and Granny are some of the familiar faces who welcome their return. Granny gives Henry a hug. Leroy does the same as Granny takes Emma into her arms.) (Next to leave the ship is Regina, then Mr. Gold, who catches Belle's gaze. At the dock, Mary Margaret is pleasantly surprised to see Ariel. They share a hug. Mary Margaret beams at the sight of Eric. Nearby, Regina stands alone with a dejected expression on her face.) Emma: (To Henry) How does it feel to finally be home? Pan: (As Henry) Better than I ever imagined. (Felix and the other Lost Boys descend the ship.) (Belle and Mr. Gold have an affectionate embrace.) Belle: I told you I'd see you again. Mr. Gold: That's the last time I don't listen to you. Neal: Hey. Belle: Hey. (She pats his shoulder.) Welcome back. Neal: Thank you. I, uh- (He shows them Mr. Gold's cane.) -I found this below deck. Thought you might need it. Mr. Gold: Thank you, Bae, I do. (He takes the cane.) As a reminder of the man I was, which shall no longer be. (The three of them huddle together happily. Regina, still alone, studies them.) (The Lost Boys continue to leave the ship. In the crowd, John and Michael Darling anxiously await their sister. From the ship walkway, Wendy is the last to step off. Her eyes search the crowd, not seeing her brothers, though they spot her immediately.) Michael: Wendy! (The siblings rush to regroup.) Wendy: Michael! (They hug.) John! (She and John hug.) Is it really you? John: You have no idea how long we've been waiting to see you. (Neal approaches them.) Wendy: Do you remember Baelfire? (The foursome hug.) Neal: So, now what? John: I think it's time for the Darlings to go home. All of us. (The scene turns to David and Mary Margaret. The rest of the townspeople surround them.) Mary Margaret: (To David) How do you feel? David: Pretty good, actually. I think the water must be working. Hook: Aye, it is. Dreamshade overtook my brother the moment we left Neverland. Mary Margaret: Gold will find a cure. You'll be okay. Emma: I have to admit, there was a minute there I didn't believe we were all going to make it out of that place. David: Well, we did. (Mary Margaret notices Regina, eyes downcast, standing all by herself.) Mary Margaret: (Loudly) And we owe a lot of it to her. Regina helped save us all. (The townspeople murmur in astonishment. Regina looks equally surprised at Mary Margaret's open praise.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. In the Royal Castle, Evil Queen has just crashed Snow White and Prince Charming's wedding ceremony to make an ominous announcement. [SCENE_BREAK] Evil Queen: I shall destroy your happiness if it is the last thing I do! (She flounces her skirt to turn and walk out of the room.) Prince Charming: HEY! (The Evil Queen halts and turns around. Prince Charming throws his sword at her, but she vanishes in a puff of black smoke before the weapon can penetrate her body.) (The scene shifts to after the ceremony. Snow White storms into the castle's empty council room.) Prince Charming: Snow, listen to me. Snow White: What can you say? What can you possibly say to make me feel better? Prince Charming: We just got married. That should be enough. Snow White: Regina found a way to ruin it. She always does. We have to do something. Prince Charming: Like what? Snow White: I don't know! Storm her castle, seal her magic. There must be some way to fight back. Prince Charming: She can't hurt us, you know that. Snow White: I know that she is determined and so am I. Prince Charming: Snow, she wants to take away our happiness. We can't win that fight on a battlefield. Snow White: No, so how do you suggest we win it? Prince Charming: By going on our honeymoon. Snow White: What? Prince Charming: That's the only way to show Regina that nothing she does can take away our happiness. Snow White: How can you even think of leaving the kingdom now after the kind of threats she made? Prince Charming: Threats. That's all they were. I mean, for all we know, that was just blusters. Snow White: She finds a way. She always finds a way! Prince Charming: And then we will be ready. But today, it's just a threat. (He sighs.) Let's not ruin this moment. Let's not ruin our honeymoon. We can go anywhere you want to go. (While facing away from Prince Charming, Snow White strikes up an idea.) Snow White: Anywhere? Prince Charming: As long as it takes your mind off Regina for a few days. (Snow White smiles and turns around.) Snow White: The Summer Palace. It's where my parents spent their honeymoon. I always dreamt of going there with my husband. Prince Charming: Well, now you can. (They kiss.) I'll make preparations for our journey. (He gives her another peck on the lips and laughs before darting out of the room.) (Grumpy enters the room from a back entrance.) Grumpy: Castle's secure. The Evil Queen's not gettin' past a single dwarf. Snow White: Thank you, Grumpy. Grumpy: You know, I couldn't help but overhear you and the prince. (She gives him a look.) Thin masonry. So, you're really going on a honeymoon now? Snow White: He thinks it's the best way to send a message to Regina. Grumpy: Yeah, I heard what he said. What do you think? Snow White: I think... there's something at the Summer Palace that will help us defeat her once and for all. (Smiles) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. At the town harbor, Hook's ship is docked. The ship's sail remains black with Pan's Shadow trapped inside. [SCENE_BREAK] David: So what about that Shadow? (Belle, David, Emma and Mr. Gold study the black sail.) Mr. Gold: Don't worry, it's trapped. Just as it was in the candle. The only person that can free it is safely in here. (He glances down at Pandora's Box.) ("Henry" walks over to Felix.) Felix: What do you have in mind, Peter? (They observe Henry's family at a distance conversing in a group.) What if someone decides to open that box; let the real boy out? Pan: That's not the problem, trust me. Felix: What's the next step? Pan: You need to be punished. (Loudly) Hey, Mom, Dad. What about Felix? He's still free. Felix: (To Pan) What are you doing? Pan: (Whispering) They need to trust me. (Henry's family members walk over.) Regina: Henry's right. We can't just let Felix walk away free. David: Don't worry, we got plenty of cell space for this guy. (He leads Felix away.) Emma: You're safe now, Henry. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The pawnshop. As Belle, Emma, Henry, Neal and Regina look on, Mr. Gold places Pandora's box in a hiding spot in the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Once I seal the box in here, no one can break the spell but me. (He casts magic on the hiding spot. It gives off a golden shine.) Pan: (As Henry) You're not going to do that? Mr. Gold: What do you mean? I want Pan trapped as much as you. Emma: Don't worry, Henry. Neal: He's not getting out of there. Regina: We won't let anything happen to you again, I promise. Mr. Gold: She's right. You needn't worry. As long as I'm alive, that boy will never see the light of day. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In the pawnshop, Belle helps Mr. Gold put on a tie. [SCENE_BREAK] Belle: There. Perfect. Mr. Gold: Thank you. Belle: You're welcome. So, what now? Mr. Gold: (He grasps her hands.) Well, that's a question I haven't had to ask myself. I didn't think I had a future. Belle: But you do. The boy wasn't your undoing. And neither was Pan. So now you can stop worrying about prophecies and start thinking about your future. There's endless possibilities; countless paths to take. Mr. Gold: But there's only one of those paths I'm interested in. Belle: Which one is that? Mr. Gold: The one where you and I are together. (They kiss.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. At Granny's Diner, a town celebration is going on. Emma carries the Once Upon a Time storybook and sets it down on a diner table in front of Henry. He looks at it blankly. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Well, don't get too excited. Neal still had it in his room. We thought you'd want it. Especially since you just lived a fairytale of your own. (He looks at her, unsure, and then smiles tentatively.) Pan: (As Henry) Right. Thanks. (He flips it open. Emma looks confused by his reaction.) Emma: You okay? Pan: (As Henry) Yeah. Why? (She doesn't answer, and then lets the subject drop.) (At the counter, Hook is staring at Emma. Neal, with a drink in hand, plops down on the seat next to Hook.) Neal: [Inaudible]. Hook: Don't worry, I'm not here to pursue the Lady Swan. Neal: [Inaudible]. Hook: I've made a decision when it comes to Emma. I'm gonna back off. Neal: Back off? Hook: For the sake of the boy. Let his parents have a fair shot without a... devilishly handsome pirate standing in the way. (He gulps down his drink.) Neal: You're serious? Hook: Yeah. I am devilishly handsome. Neal: Thanks, man. (He drinks.) Hook: Don't thank me yet. You see, I'm in this for the long haul. You've already walked out on Emma once. Not so sure she'll let you back in. (Neal leaves the counter.) (In another part of the diner, Mother Superior is happily chatting with Happy and Leroy. She glances to the side, her smile faltering, upon seeing Regina accompanied by Tinker Bell.) Mother Superior: Green. Regina: Her name is Tinker Bell. Mother Superior: I know. I just didn't think I'd ever- Tinker Bell: That you'd ever see me again? Likewise. Regina: Give Tink her wings back. Mother Superior: In case you forgot, I don't take orders from you. Regina: She helped us. She's earned it. She even got pixie dust to work again. Mother Superior: Really? Let's see. Tinker Bell: Well, briefly. (She fiddles with the vial of pixie dust.) I mean, it sort of glowed for a moment. It's not something I can do at a drop of a hat. Mother Superior: Well, then, there's your problem. Tinker Bell: What? Mother Superior: You don't believe in yourself anymore. How can I believe in you if you can't even do that? (She leaves.) Tinker Bell: I need a drink. (She walks off as Regina follows.) (At the diner table, "Henry" flips through the storybook. Emma and Neal watch him from the counter.) Neal: How's he doing? Emma: He's good as it can be expected. Neal: So, uh, Emma, can we... make some time to... talk? Emma: Isn't that what we are doing right now? Neal: Yeah, uh... I just thought- (He pauses, looks over at Henry and then at her.) -maybe just the two of us. Emma: Are you trying to ask me on a date? Neal: You know, when you put it like that- Emma: Neal, I don't know. Neal: Listen, Henry's back and he's safe. We all are. Okay, look, I'll make it easier for you. Tomorrow I'm gonna be hungry just around lunchtime and so I'm gonna come here. (He points to a table.) I'm gonna sit in that booth and you're welcome to join me. And if not, I'll quit bugging you. (He walks away towards Henry.) (Behind Emma, her parents give her knowing looks.) Emma: Don't say it. Mary Margaret: Say what? Emma: That I owe it to Neal to go on a date with him. Mary Margaret: You don't. You owe it to yourself. Emma: I can't think about myself right now; not after what Henry just went through. (She leaves.) David: Now who does she remind me of? (He looks at Mary Margaret.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. At the Summer Palace, Prince Charming carries Snow White, bridal-style, into the building, and sets her down. [SCENE_BREAK] Prince Charming: Snow, this is amazing. Snow White: It's been so long since I've been here. Since anyone has. Oh, I miss this place. I'm so glad you talked me into doing this. (Prince Charming walks over to tug at her cloak ribbon.) Oh, not so fast. (Prince Charming makes an exasperated noise.) Prince Charming: Between breaking the Sleeping Curse and taking back the kingdom and seven dwarves breathing down our necks, it's not like we've had a lot of time on our own. Snow White: I know, but it's just I have something special planned for today. Prince Charming: Well, what's wrong with right now? Snow White: Trust me, what I have in mind is worth the wait. Prince Charming: Ah, all right. (Snow White giggles.) I'll go stable the horses. (He departs from the building.) (Once alone, Snow White pulls off her cloak; revealing her travelling clothes underneath. She uncovers a storage box and takes out a quill of arrows, a bowstring and Prince Charming's sword. She escapes the building by hopping out of a window and then hurries through a forest route. However, she halts when Prince Charming is standing in her way.) Prince Charming: So, what exactly am I waiting for? Snow White: How did you know? Prince Charming: You had that look on your face. Snow White: What look? Prince Charming: The look you have when you are up to something. I'm guessing this little excursion has something to do with Regina's threat. Snow White: When I was a little girl, the palace servants used to tell stories about a fearsome creature that lived in a nearby cave. Prince Charming: What kind of creature? Snow White: The kind, that if you were to look into her eyes, she would turn you into stone. They call her Medusa. Prince Charming: And you thought what? That we could turn Regina into stone how? By capturing this Medusa? Snow White: No, no. By cutting off her head. Prince Charming: And what? Sending it in a box? Snow White: I haven't gotten that far yet, but if I have the head, I just need to make Regina look at her for a moment to turn her into stone. And I can figure that part after I have the head. Prince Charming: Absolutely not. I am not letting my wife venture into the woods to chase some monster. (She gives him an indignant look.) At least not alone. Snow White: You mean-? Prince Charming: Yes. I'm coming with you. You're obviously not going to relax until we find a weapon to use against Regina, but Snow, you have to promise one thing. If we find this Medusa and figure out how to use her against Regina, you have to at least try to enjoy what's left of our honeymoon. Snow White: (Unsheathing Prince Charming's sword) Good thing I brought this. (He laughs and takes the sword.) (The scene freezes into a storybook page and transitions into present-day Storybrooke where "Henry" is looking at the photo while sitting in Granny's Diner. He turns to the next storybook page, which depicts a photo of Hansel and Gretel. Emma approaches him.) Emma: Sorry, kid. It's time for something you didn't have in Neverland-bedtime. ("Henry" closes the book and rises from his seat.) Oh, let's say goodnight to Regina. (They walk over to Regina.) Regina: Goodnight? I didn't realize it was getting so late. It's going to be hard to let you out of my sight. Pan: (As Henry) Maybe you don't have to. Maybe I could stay with you tonight. Regina: Oh. Of course. Emma: (To Henry) Yeah, uh, just call me tomorrow and let me know what time you want to pick you up. (Nearby, Mary Margaret overhears the conversation.) Regina: Come on, Henry. Let's go home. (They walk out of the diner together as Emma watches. Mary Margaret approaches.) Mary Margaret: It's okay. He probably just wants to spend his first night back in his old room. Emma: Yeah, I'm sure that's it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In Henry's bedroom, Pan touches a storybook page depicting the Dark Curse overtaking the Enchanted Forest. The page is flipped to show an image of the Evil Queen standing in front of her vault. Pan observes the various things in Henry's room. He picks up a comic book and puts it back down. The door creaks open.) [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Lights out, young man. Pan: (As Henry) Mom. Your vault. Did you bring that over with you? (He sits down on the bed.) Regina: Yes, Henry, you know that. Pan: (As Henry) With all your magic? Regina: (Folding her arms) Why are you asking all these questions? Pan: (As Henry) Because I might need that stuff to protect myself from Pan. Regina: Oh, honey, he can't hurt you. He's locked up in Gold's shop. Pan: (As Henry) But what if he gets out? What if... he finds a way to come after me? Regina: (Sitting down) Magic isn't the answer. (She closes the storybook.) My vault is sealed shut for a reason. It's dangerous. I'll protect you. No matter what. (She smiles and sets aside the storybook.) Now, it's time for you to go bed. (She tucks him into bed and kisses him goodnight.) Goodnight. (She flicks off the light, closes the door and exits the room.) (Pan hops out of bed, pulling aside the curtains and opens the window. He sticks his head out.) Pan: She's wrong. Magic is the answer. It's time. (At the town harbor, the Shadow is released from the sail by Pan. It flies off through the empty streets of Storybrooke.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. In the forest, Prince Charming hacks away at branches as he and Snow White venture towards Medusa's hideout. [SCENE_BREAK] Snow White: You aren't mad, are you? Prince Charming: I fell in love with you on a Troll Bridge after you robbed me and hit me over the head with a rock. I knew what I was getting myself into. (Snow White smiles as he continues cutting down branches.) Snow White: According to the legend, Medusa's cave shouldn't be much farther. Prince Charming: Huh. If Medusa could turn her victims into stone, is there any way to lift the curse; turn them back into flesh and blood? Snow White: The only way to free Medusa's victims is to kill Medusa. Prince Charming: And no one's figured out how to do that. Snow White: She's immortal. Prince Charming: So cutting off her head won't- Snow White: Well, it won't kill her. It'll just take it easier to turn Regina into stone. Prince Charming: Snow, are you sure you want to condemn Regina to a fate like that? Snow White: So you're on her side now? Prince Charming: No, I'm on your side. You know that. Snow White: It doesn't sound like that. Prince Charming: It's just when we imprisoned Regina, you stopped her execution. You said killing her wasn't the answer, so how is turning her into stone any different? Snow White: Last time she threatened us. This time she threatened the entire kingdom. (She walks off ahead.) Prince Charming: We're protected the kingdom from her before without Gorgon's head. (Snow White doesn't respond.) There's something else, isn't there? Snow, why can't you put Regina out of your mind for one single moment? Snow White: I don't know! Because I can't. (She turns to look at Medusa's cave.) So, you coming? Prince Charming: What, and miss all the honeymoon fun? Snow White: Well, come on. (Prince Charming sighs and trudges on.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. At Granny's Diner, David and Mary Margaret are having lunch. [SCENE_BREAK] David: I never thought Granny's lasagna could taste so good. (Mary Margaret chuckles.) (Mr. Gold approaches.) Mr. Gold: So how'd you like to wash it down with this? (He sets down a small bottle containing liquid.) Mary Margaret: Is that-? Mr. Gold: Yeah. An elixir. This will cure your Dreamshade poisoning once and for all. David: You really found a cure already? Mr. Gold: I am a man of my word. David: And I owe you nothing? No price of magic, no... Mr. Gold: On the house. But we are family now, so I'm sure should I ever need a favor, you'll be more than receptive. David: (Nods) Thank you. (Mr. Gold exits.) Mary Margaret: What are you waiting for? Drink it. (David uncaps the bottle top and chugs down the entire elixir.) How do you feel? (David takes in a deep breath as the elixir takes effect. He pats the area where the Dreamshade wound existed, and then smiles before kissing Mary Margaret.) What are you thinking? David: Well, I'm thinking maybe we could finally start on that baby. (Suddenly, Mary Margaret notices something behind David. She looks down; crestfallen.) Okay, I didn't mean right now. Mary Margaret: Emma didn't listen to us. (David glances behind. Two tables away, Neal is sipping his drink alone while staring out the window.) David: I've got this. (He grabs his coat and heads out.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Near the ocean, Emma sits, typing on her mobile phone, with a distracted expression. David comes up to her. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Isn't Granny's that way? Emma: Did Neal send you? David: No, he has no idea I am here, but when I saw him sitting in that table alone, I wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you? Emma: Yeah, I'm fine. (Resumes typing) David: Emma. (He sits down next to her.) Emma: It's not Neal, it's Henry. He doesn't seem like himself. He barely recognized his storybook last night. David: He went through a lot in Neverland. Emma: I know. And he asked to spend the night at Regina's. David: Well, she did help us save him and she did raise him until you came into his life. Emma: I know she did. David: Look, he probably wants to stay with you tonight. I probably wouldn't worry about it. We're all recovering. Emma: I know. I just can't shake the feeling something bad is still going to happen and I need to do everything I can to stop it. David: Emma, you can't think like that. Emma: But bad things do keep happening. David: So do good things. But if you think like that, you'll miss out. There's more to life than living for the next fight. You know, you gotta look for the moments. Emma: Moments? David: Yes, life is made up of moments. Good ones, bad ones, but they're all worth living. Emma: Well, I seem to be a magnet for the bad ones. David: Well, all the more reason to look for the good moments in between the bad ones. Emma: And you think having lunch with Neal is a good moment? David: I don't know. Does he eat with his mouth open? Emma: I'm not sure I'm ready. David: Well, you can start by finding out. Come on, I'll give you a lift to Granny's. (They link arms while walking.) Emma: Sure you don't have other reasons for pushing me toward Neal? David: Like what? Emma: I don't know, like, keeping me away from Hook? David: You think I'm interested in Hook? Emma, I'm a married man. (They laugh.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In the hallway of Granny's Diner, Hook walks up some steps and runs straight into Tinker Bell, who is coming out of the ladies' room.) [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: Hook. Are you okay? Hook: I'm fine, love. (She smiles and begins walking away, but he stops her by placing his hooked hand on her shoulder.) The question is, are you? Tinker Bell: Why wouldn't I be? Hook: Well, I know Storybrooke can be a disorienting place if you're not used to it. Perhaps a drink to help settle you in? (He holds up his rum bottle.) Tinker Bell: We both know you want more than a drink. You want me to help take your mind off Emma. Hook: Emma? Who's Emma? I only see you. Tinker Bell: I may have lost my wings, but I haven't lost my dignity. That's never gonna hap- (A scream emits from outside. They both rush out of the diner to investigate as David and Emma step out of a truck. Another scream is heard.) Emma: The hell was that? Hook: I have the same question. Emma: (Looking from Hook to Tinker Bell) Wait, were you two...? Tinker Bell: No. Hook: Perhaps. (The screaming occurs again; only louder.) David: There. (He runs off towards the sound as Tinker Bell, Emma and Hook follow.) (Near the steps of the nunnery, Mother Superior is fleeing from the Shadow. She attempts to head up into the convent, but the Shadow grabs and rips away her shadow. Mother Superior collapses lifelessly on the ground. David kneels down to test her pulse.) David: She's gone. Tinker Bell: Why would the Shadow kill her? Hook: No idea, love. But I do know the Shadow only takes orders from one person. Emma: Pan. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. At Regina's house, "Henry" is reading the storybook. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Henry. (She enters his room.) Come with me. Something's happened. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. At the entrance of Medusa's cave, Prince Charming and Snow White cautiously descend down the lair steps. [SCENE_BREAK] Snow White: (Whispering) Keep your eyes down. Prince Charming: (Whispering) How are we supposed to find her? (A high-pitched screech comes from deep within the cave. Prince Charming pulls Snow White behind a pillar.) Snow White: I doubt that will be a problem. (Nearby, Medusa slithers past a corner as her tail drags behind.) Prince Charming: Stay here. I'll draw her out. When she passes by... Snow White: (Taking the sword) I'll do the rest. Remember, whatever you do, don't look in her eyes. Prince Charming: Yeah. (They ready their positions. Snow White nods, to which Prince Charming rushes out to attract Medusa's attention.) Prince Charming: HEY! (Medusa turns around, letting out an angry screech, before being goaded into chasing Prince Charming as he runs down the hall.) Prince Charming: NOW! (As Medusa passes by, Snow White leaps out to severe her head, but the sword breaks instead.) Prince Charming: No! (Snow White flees and regroups with Prince Charming.) Snow White: That wasn't part of the legend. Prince Charming: Fantastic development. Snow White: How are we gonna cut off her head now? Prince Charming: Well, we're not. Snow White: Maybe you were right. Maybe we should have stayed in the palace. Prince Charming: It's fine. We just need to find a way out of here. (He picks up a helmet and throws it in another direction. Medusa draws towards the sound.) Go, go. (He and Snow White attempt to escape. Medusa uses a tentacle to grab Snow White's leg and trip her. As she is being dragged away, Prince Charming grabs a shield and throws it at Medusa, who deflects it. Snow White is let go, but before Prince Charming can flee as well, Medusa forces him to look into her eyes. He turns into a stone statue.) Snow White: Charming! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Outside the convent, Mary Margaret watches David and Emma cover up Mother Superior's body with a blanket. Neal is also present. "Henry" and Regina arrive. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: What the hell happened? David: The Shadow. It killed her. Regina: Pan's shadow? I trapped it on the sail. Emma: Yeah, well, it got free. Neal: Look, let's go back to the ship and get the candle. If it strikes again, we need to be able to capture it. (He leaves as Hook and Tinker Bell follow.) Emma: Pan's behind this, I know it. Regina: He's trapped in a box under the floor of Gold's shop. Emma: Who else would be doing this? Pan: (As Henry) So, Pan can still hurt me. Regina: We don't know that. Mary Margaret: We have to assume he's still a threat. Emma: And that he's after Henry. Pan: (As Henry) Then what am I doing here? David: He's right. He's not safe out in the open. Pan: (As Henry) (To Regina) You'll protect me, right? Regina: Yes, of course. (She embraces him.) Emma: Go. We'll take care of the Shadow. (Henry and Regina begin departing.) Regina, wait. (Henry continues walking while Regina stops.) Regina: What? Emma: Keep a close eye on him. Regina: I already said I would. Emma: I know. He just doesn't seem quite himself. Regina: Really? You mean because he asked for me? Emma: No, I didn't... I didn't mean- Regina: That's exactly what you meant. You can't face the fact that I am his mother too. And maybe, just maybe, he wants me when he's frightened. You forget-I have ten years of soothing his nightmares under my belt. He's fine. Emma: It's not about you, Regina. I just have a gut feeling. Regina: Well, maybe you can use that gut feeling to find the Shadow instead of obsessing over who's going to comfort our son. (She exits and regroups with Henry.) Pan: (As Henry) So where are you taking me? Regina: One place in Storybrooke the Shadow can never get to. The place where I keep my magic. (The scene shifts to Henry and Regina walking up to the vault in the cemetery. Regina unlocks the door. Inside, he uncovers the secret staircase under her father's tomb and they head downstairs to the vault area.) Regina: Promise you won't touch anything? Pan: (As Henry) I promise. (Smiles) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Behind a wall, Snow White peeks out at the frozen statue of Prince Charming. [SCENE_BREAK] Snow White: I won't leave you. And I won't let her scare me away, either. (As she draws her bowstring, a familiar voice speaks.) Evil Queen: You're going to have to do better than that. Snow White: No. Evil Queen: Enjoying your honeymoon? Snow White: (She glances down and sees the Evil Queen's reflection in the discarded shield.) I don't remember inviting you. Evil Queen: What's the matter, Snow? Cranky now that your prince is a statue? (She chuckles.) I can barely tell the difference. Snow White: You're really enjoying this. Evil Queen: Immensely. Snow White: This is all your fault. Evil Queen: No, dear, it's yours. Oh, and I have to thank you because you saved me so much trouble. I didn't realize I could just sit back and let you destroy your own happiness. (She laughs, and then disappears from the shield.) Snow White: She's right. I did this. I defeated myself. Wait. (She takes the shield and rips off the fabric on it. As Medusa spots her, Snow White raises the shield.) Come and get me! (Medusa charges and meets her own reflection in the shield; turning herself into stone. A crackling noise is heard in the background.) Prince Charming: Snow. (She turns around to see he is no longer a statue, and they kiss.) Snow White: Are you okay? Prince Charming: Now I know what Frederick felt like. Snow White: I thought I lost you forever. Prince Charming: How did you do it? How did you defeat her? (They look at the statue of Medusa.) Snow White: I didn't. I made her defeat herself. I'm sorry. I was so focused on finding a way to beat Regina that I almost lost the thing that could never live without-you. Prince Charming: You damn well almost did. Almost. Snow White: How could I ever make it up to you? Prince Charming: Well, now that you mention it, I've got a few ideas. (He leads her towards the exit of the cave.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. On the streets, David, Emma and Mary Margaret run towards the pawnshop just as Belle and Mr. Gold are exiting the store. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: No, I'm afraid we're closed. Whatever crisis you're dealing with, I'm done for the day. Belle: Rumple. Emma: Pandora's Box. Give it to me. Mr. Gold: Why would I do that? Emma: We need to open it. Mr. Gold: And let Pan escape? What are you-crazy? Mary Margaret: Somehow he's controlling the Shadow from inside the box. Henry's life is in danger. Mr. Gold: And you think letting Pan out will change that? Emma: Yes. Because we can stop finally and forever. Mr. Gold: All due respect, Miss Swan, we barely succeeded in apprehending him the first time. If I've learned one thing, it's not to tempt fate. Emma: I am not looking to apprehend him. Wouldn't you rather be sure he's gone? Mr. Gold: Well, what do you have in mind? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Packed in two cars, Belle, David, Emma Mary Margaret and Mr. Gold step out of the vehicles near the town line. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: There's no magic beyond the town line. If we release Pan outside Storybrooke, he'll be powerless to fight back. (With the box in hand, he attempts to cross the border.) Emma: (Blocking Mr. Gold) Uh-uh. I'm doing this. Mr. Gold: I can cross the line and retain my memory. Emma: It's not about that. There's no magic over there. All due respect, the real world is my expertise. (She takes out her gun and steps over the line.) You're gonna deal with Pan on my terms. Mr. Gold: He is my father. Emma: It's my hunch. If I fail, you're more than welcome to pick up the pieces. Mary Margaret: Emma, be careful. (Mr. Gold unseals the box and places it over the town line as "Pan" is released out. Emma aims her gun at him as he stands up with a dazed look. He turns around to Emma.) Henry: (In Pan's body) Mom? Emma: What? Mr. Gold: What are you waiting for? Shoot him. Henry: (In Pan's body) Don't. Please. I'm Henry. Pan... he switched our bodies. Emma: You expect me to believe that? Mr. Gold: Don't listen to him. This is one of his tricks. Henry: (In Pan's body) No, it's not. He did it right before Mr. Gold captured me in the box, I swear. (He takes a step towards Emma.) Emma: (Aiming gun) Ah, don't come any closer. Mr. Gold: Shoot him! Emma: Maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe that's why I can't shake this feeling something is off about Henry. Mr. Gold: Maybe that's what he wants you to believe. If he steps over this line, we're all dead. Emma: All right, if you are really Henry, prove it. Tell me something only Henry would know. Henry: (In Pan's body) I-I got trapped in the mines. I tried blowing up the well. I like hot cocoa with cinnamon. Mr. Gold: This proves nothing. Mary Margaret: He's right, Emma. Henry could've told Pan all this in Neverland. Emma: Pan might know facts, but life is made up more than that-there are moments. He can't possibly know all of them. The first time you and I connected-you remember that? Not met, but connected. Henry: (In Pan's body) Yeah. Emma: Where was it? Henry: (In Pan's body) My castle. Right after you came to Storybrooke. Emma: And what did you tell me? Henry: (In Pan's body) That I knew why you gave me up. Emma: Why? Henry: (In Pan's body) Because you wanted to give me my best chance. Emma: (She lowers the gun and tucks it away.) Henry. Henry: (In Pan's body) Mom. (They hug.) Emma: It is Henry. (To Mr. Gold) Promise you're not going to incinerate us when we step over the line. (Mr. Gold shakes his head.) (Emma picks up the box and walks over the line with Henry.) (Henry hugs David and Mary Margaret as Emma hands the box to Mr. Gold.) Mr. Gold: I'm sorry I doubted you, Henry. And I'm sorry I put you in this box in the first place. Henry: (In Pan's body) It's okay. I would have done the same thing. Emma: (To Henry) Come on. (She leads him to the car.) David: (To Mary Margaret) If he's all the way out here, where's Pan? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In the vault, Pan studies the various objects Regina has stored. He notices a bottle. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: What is it? Pan: (As Henry) I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you protecting me here. Regina: Oh, Henry. (Clasping his hands) When all this is over, I promise I'm finally going to be the mother you always wanted me to be. (She hugs him while Pan, using one hand, grabs the bottle.) I love you. (Pan opens the bottle, releasing a powdery substance, which knocks Regina unconscious.) Pan: (As Henry) I know. That's why this was so easy. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Nighttime. Inside the Summer Palace, Snow White is lounging around. [SCENE_BREAK] Prince Charming: I'm sorry we didn't find a way to defeat Regina. Snow White: That's okay. Prince Charming: No, no it's not. (He takes off his coat.) I know how much you needed this even if you didn't know why. Snow White: I did. Prince Charming: What? (He sits down.) Snow White: When you asked me why I wanted to turn her to stone, I said I didn't know why, but I did. I was just afraid of admitting it. Prince Charming: Admitting what? Snow White: I want to start a family. Prince Charming: (Chuckles) So do I. Why is that to be feared? Snow White: Because I couldn't imagine bringing a child into a world where Regina is always a threat. That's why I was so obsessed with defeating her. How could I bring something good into a world where there is always something bad out there? Prince Charming: Well, then, we'll find another way to stop her. Snow White: No, that's not the point. I was wrong. Losing you made me see that. We can't wait anymore. We have to start a family now. Prince Charming: I don't follow. Snow White: Regina... Regina will always be a problem. If not her, there will be someone or something else. There will always be something else. We can't let it define us. We have to find the good moments in between all of the bad ones. What better way to make a good moment than with a child? (They kiss.) Prince Charming: Then a child we shall have. (Snow White smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Nighttime. Belle, David, Emma, Mary Margaret and Mr. Gold walk towards the vault through the cemetery. The voice mail message for an unanswered call is heard through Emma's phone. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Regina's still not answering. Henry: (In Pan's body) (To Mr. Gold) When we find Pan, remember he's still in my body. So if you have to throw fire or something, at least avoid the face. Mr. Gold: I'll do my best. (They approach the vault where Hook, Neal and Tinker Bell are waiting outside the entrance.) Neal: (To Henry) Is it really you? Henry: (In Pan's body) Dad. (They hug.) David: Did you find the Shadow? Tinker Bell: Not yet. Hook: Well, we'll be ready for him when we do. (Holds up coconut halves) Mr. Gold: I think it's Pan we should be concerned about now. Why are we still up here? Neal: It's locked up tight. Mr. Gold: Really? (He tries out magic on the vault, which doesn't work.) Neal: Told you. Mr. Gold: Fair enough. This is going to take some time. (He begins working to break open the vault with magic.) (Emma walks off to the side while deep in thought. Her parents, as usual, follow.) Mary Margaret: It's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. Emma: No, it's not. Even if Pan's down there, I can't use my gun. He's in Henry's body. David: Then we'll get him out. We'll save him. Emma: Will we? David: Yes, and because of you, you were right about Pan just like your mother was about Regina all those years ago. We'll stop him and then you can- Emma: Live my moments even though there's still terrible things out there? David and Mary Margaret: Exactly. Emma: You're great parents, but you're wrong. I'm the... savior. I don't have the luxury of having moments. It's just not my life. Every time I think I'm going to sit back and enjoy myself, I can't because it's never going to stop. Mary Margaret: I used to think the same way. Emma: It's different. My magic has a price. The price of being the savior is... I don't get a day off. (Her parents remain silent and contemplative just as Mr. Gold manages to force the vault door open with magic.) Mr. Gold: Shall we? (He heads in.) (The scene shifts to the group coming down the staircase to the vault hallway. Mary Margaret spots an unconscious Regina on the floor.) Mary Margaret: Regina! (She rushes to her.) David: Pan's gone. Emma: (To everyone else upstairs) We're clear down here! (Mr. Gold lifts the enchantment on Regina. She wakes up.) Regina: What? What happened? Emma: It's Henry. Somehow Pan switched bodies with him. Regina: And I fell for it. Mary Margaret: We all did. Regina: I wanted to believe what he was saying so badly I missed all the signs. I just wanted to believe he still needed me to be his mother. Henry: (In Pan's body) I still do. Regina: Henry? (Henry embraces her.) David: So what exactly did Pan come down here to get? (Mr. Gold holds up a hand while using magic to sense anything missing from the vault. His hand stops at an open box.) Mr. Gold: Please tell me you didn't keep it down here. Regina: Where else would I keep it? Emma: What is it? What did Pan take? (The scene shifts to Pan, on the outskirts of town, unrolling a scroll with cursive script written on it.) Felix: A curse? Pan: No, Felix, the curse. The curse that tore everyone from the Enchanted Forest and dropped them here. Felix: You broke me out of jail to tell me how everyone got to this town? Pan: I broke you out 'cause this spell is gonna give us everything we always wanted. (The scene shifts to the vault.) Regina: Why would Pan even want the curse? I already cast it. Emma: And I broke it. Mr. Gold: Well, that doesn't mean you can't cast it again. And this time, without your parents' true love woven in, even you would be powerless to break it. David: I don't understand. We're already in this land. Mary Margaret: What exactly would casting the curse in Storybrooke do now? (The scenes shifts to Felix and Pan.) Pan: Everyone will forget who they are. Time will stand still. And Felix, we will be in charge. Felix: This whole place? Pan: Yes, and when we're done with it, it's going to be the new Neverland. (They both look at Storybrooke in the distance.)
Plan: A: Storybrooke; Q: What town is overjoyed to see Henry and his friends? A: Neverland; Q: Where did Henry and his friends go? A: a plan; Q: What is secretly being put into place by a well-hidden Pan? A: a well-hidden Pan; Q: Who is putting a plan into place that will shake up the lives of the townspeople? A: the Fairy Tale Land; Q: Where did Snow White and Prince Charming honeymoon? A: Snow White and Prince Charming's honeymoon; Q: What is the name of the honeymoon that turns out to be anything but romantic? A: a mythical being; Q: What do Snow White and Prince Charming go in search of? Summary: The residents of Storybrooke are overjoyed upon the return of Henry and our heroes from Neverland. But unbeknownst to them, a plan is secretly being put into place by a well-hidden Pan that will shake up the very lives of the townspeople. Meanwhile, in the Fairy Tale Land that was, Snow White and Prince Charming's honeymoon turns out to be anything but romantic when they go in search of a mythical being that could stop Regina cold in her tracks.
THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART EIGHT (MINDWARP) Run time: 24:44 [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: No! No, no, no, I won't believe it. Valeyard: You still continue to ignore the truth. The Doctor: I am not responsible for that. Valeyard: In your mind, perhaps not. But in reality it is somewhat different, Doctor. The Doctor: Is Peri dead? Valeyard: No. Inquisitor: Then what was the point of showing that last sequence? Valeyard: Simply as further evidence of the Doctor's interference. Inquisitor: I thought it was somewhat gratuitous. The Doctor: And highly prejudicial. You won't convict me by using shock tactics. Valeyard: I require nothing so crude, my dear Doctor. All that will prove necessary is the truth. The Doctor: Then tell it. Inquisitor: Gentlemen, please let us continue with the evidence. Valeyard: Indeed, Sagacity. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the weapons dump [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Oh, my head. Feels as though it's been trampled on by the seven-legged chargers of Corogem. Peri: My legs, arms. Frax: You are fortunate to live. Tuza: So the Mentors can experiment on us? Frax: Think of it as community service, Tuza. Yrcanos: You are a fool to let us live. I would have killed you. Frax: But then you are a barbarian. Peri: Ha. And you're some angel of mercy, huh? Frax: Get up, all of you. Peri: How did you know where we were? Frax: We've always known about the weapon dump. Tuza: Liar! You would have done something before now if you had. Frax: Weapons are only as good as the training of the men who use them. You're no warrior, Tuza. But him? Now he's just enough in love with death to inspire rabble like yours into action. And we were right. Now move! [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Kiv: The sea. The sea. Strong. Strong, too much. Too. String. Sting. Strike. Sil: Why is the Lord talking of such things? He hates seawater. The Doctor: The body you used to transplant Kiv's brain, whose was it. Crozier: Just a body. The Doctor: Just a body? It's a bit casual, isn't it? Crozier: Only some fisherman. I had no other choice. It's taken me weeks to find one remotely suitable. The Doctor: I still think it might have been better if you'd waited. Crozier: There wasn't the time. The Doctor: Hey, look at this. The host cells are trying to influence Kiv's brain, attempting to alter and distort his memory. Crozier: Oh, a few must have escaped the laserisation. Sil: You have blundered! You have reduced the greatest business brain in this part of the galaxy to catcher of sea snakes. The Doctor: Perhaps the trauma of the donor's death lingers and is infecting Kiv's brain. Crozier: I must try and rectify it. Increase the sevrin drip to zero four microcentiles. Sil: There is an imminent summit meeting over which the Lord Kiv is to preside. Our business partner might think it fishy should he be missing, presumed gone insane. Kiv: Have my briefing tapes and expansion strategy option been baited? Sil: Er, not yet, your marsh minnow, your Magnificence. Kiv: Do it! Or you will be the first to sample my new sting, Sil. I'm told, told, even a touch can, can kill. Crozier: One microcentile more. Sil: The Lord Kiv must not only be present at the meeting with our partner from Posikar, but also able to make sane decisions. If he is not, you will all suffer. Crozier: He'll be there. Though whose body he'll inhabit isn't as yet certain. We must transfer Kiv's brain to someone else without delay. Sil: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the cell [SCENE_BREAK] Tuza: My head aches. Frax: Be grateful you've still got it. Not you. Frax: Silence! [SCENE_BREAK] Cell [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Why do they want Tuza? Yrcanos: Execution one at a time, that's how it will be. Peri: Oh. Oh, it's strange. Ever since we came to Thoros Beta I've been homesick. Not so much for a place, but a time. I just want to be back in my own time with people I love. Yrcanos: What is that? Love? Peri: Well, it's when you care for someone or something more than yourself, I guess. Dorf: More than yourself? Peri: Well, I know it sounds crazy, but, sometimes more than life. Yrcanos: I care nothing for mine. Peri: How can you say that, Yrcanos? Yrcanos: Well, on my planet of Krontep, when we die, our spirit is returned to life, to be born in a more noble warrior. Peri: Until what? Where do you end after all your brave deaths? Yrcanos: You become a king! Me, after my next death, I join the other kings on Verduna, the home of the gods. Peri: To do what? Yrcanos: Why, to fight! What else? Peri: Well, that figures. [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Crozier: These Alphan brains are all wrong for Kiv. Matrona: Shall I have him implanted and sent to the work centre? Crozier: Yes, yes, take him to the induction centre. What a pity both you and the Alphan are unsuitable. The Doctor: Hmm? Hmm? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Most disappointing. Unlike Sil, I would willingly have given up my body. Crozier: What about your companion, Doctor? The Doctor: Oh, Peri? Ah, quite unsuitable. Female. Silly, flibberty-jibbet. Hopeless. Matrona: Why not examine her? Crozier: I think I'll do that. Yet, Doctor, you seem uneasy. The Doctor: Well, I'd prefer it if you'd use somebody else. Crozier: Mmm hmm, you have strong feelings for the woman. The Doctor: Well, certainly enough not to want to see her experimented upon. Crozier: I understand. I am not without pity. Go to the induction centre. You know precisely the problem I have here, Doctor. If you can find a candidate more suitable, I shall use them. But Doctor? Hurry. You haven't much time. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the cell [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Die well, my lady. [SCENE_BREAK] Induction centre [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Where is everyone? Mentor: There is only one subject here, in the implantation cubicle. The Doctor: May I examine him? I have Crozier's permission. Mentor: Oh, if you must, but try not to disturb me. The Doctor: I shall be as quiet as the silence that is in the starry skies, only quieter still. Tuza: Yrcanos, help me. The Doctor: You know him? Tuza: What? Yes. Who are you? The Doctor: Colleague of Crozier's. (quietly) A friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Matrona: Stand up. Peri: Hey. Crozier: Yes. Ah, yes. Most promising. Crozier: She is a most promising candidate. I must arrange for antigen tests. Peri: That's a blood test. Well, I'm not marrying anyone. Crozier: Ah, spirit, strength. That is good. I must try to retain that if at all possible. [SCENE_BREAK] Induction centre [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I shall return. Frax: What are you doing? Mentor: He has Crozier's permission. Frax: My apologies, sir. I didn't realise you were in attendance. Mentor: Oh, take no notice of me. Few people do. The Doctor: I'd quite like a word with that captured king. Frax: Yrcanos? The Doctor: Mmm, that's him. I'm sure Crozier wouldn't mind. Mentor: Oh, take him. But be careful, he has a very loud voice. Plays havoc with the audio system. The Doctor: Thanks for the warning. Mentor: I was hoping we'd seen the last of him. He's such a noisy fellow. Oh, they've gone. Huh. Didn't even say goodbye. [SCENE_BREAK] Cell [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Oh, stop that. You're a warrior, not a wolf. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the cell [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Cronixer! The Doctor: How do you do? Yrcanos: Screeterder! The Doctor: Oh, now where would a well brought up king learn a word like that, hmm? Open the door, would you? Frax: You must be out of your mind. He'll kill you. The Doctor: I don't think so. Frax: Cover me. Yrcanos: Gronwitcher! The Doctor: That's quite enough of that. I'm here to help you. You, in. The Doctor: Your majesty. The Doctor: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name the last time we met. Dorf: Dor, dor. The Doctor: Never mind, you can tell me later. Yrcanos: His name is Dorf and you are scum. The Doctor: No, actually I am known as the Doctor, and there's no need to thank me for helping you to escape. Come along. [SCENE_BREAK] Commerce room [SCENE_BREAK] Sil: You are unwell, Magnificence. You shouldn't have left the shelter of Crozier's laboratory. Kiv: He has given me drugs to stabilise my condition and keep me alert. Can you smell fish? Sil: I have the deepest respect for Crozier's skill, but, Magnificence... Kiv: But nothing, Sil. I must attend this meeting, otherwise we could all finish up poor. Now, what is more important, my well-being or your wealth? Sil: A trick question, Magnificence. But if you feel fit enough to cope, who am I to contradict? Kiv: Ah, welcome. Kiv: Excellency, welcome. Please, please, rest yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: I must know. The Doctor: What? Yrcanos: I will not take another step until I am told the truth. The Doctor: What? Yrcanos: Why did you release us? The Doctor: I should have thought that was obvious. I need your help to defeat the Mentors. Yrcanos: That I understand, but you are my sworn enemy. I have vowed to kill you. The Doctor: Yes, yes, well, we can deal with all that later. At the moment, we need each other. Dorf: He has a point. He has... Yrcanos: Everyone has a point, nowadays. I am a man of action, not reason. The Doctor: Don't worry, you'll see plenty of action. Yrcanos: Then lead on. Oh, but first I must find my bride to be. The Doctor: We haven't got time for you to go courting. Yrcanos: I'm talking of the Earth woman, Perpugilliam of the Brown. The Doctor: Well, we'll find Perpugilliam of the Brown on the way. Dorf: Where are we going? The Doctor: To release someone called Tuza. Yrcanos: Tuza? I thought he was dead. The Doctor: Well, he soon will be if we don't hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the cell [SCENE_BREAK] Frax: Guards! Quickly, get this door open. Frax: Yrcanos has escaped! [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: So, I'm fit and healthy, huh? Crozier: Perfectly. Peri: Hey! What do you want... Crozier: In fact, you are so perfect I think I can serve Lord Kiv my finest experiment yet. [SCENE_BREAK] Induction centre [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: (quietly) There's Tuza, and there's a guard. The Doctor: Hold on. No, we'll do this my way. I'm not having you causing a bloodbath. Yrcanos: You think like a warrior but you do not act like one. It's most perplexing. The Doctor: You stay here and watch out for guards. Stay! Your majesty. Mentor: Ah, Doctor. I see that you've found your renegade king. Certainly the quietest I have ever seen him. The Doctor: It is my intention to shut him up for good. Mentor: Oh, how splendid. The Doctor: I thought I'd try one of those brain implant things. Mentor: Oh. For one wish-fulfilling moment, I thought you were going to kill him. I presume you have Crozier's permission to carry out the experiment? The Doctor: Oh, absolutely. I have carte blanche as far as young Crozier is concerned. Mentor: Oh, that's what I feared. I wish Crozier would keep me abreast of events. He has no idea how much extra work his irregular activities create. The Doctor: What are you doing? Mentor: I shall, of course, have to get confirmation of your carte blanche from Crozier. Yrcanos: Be still, old one, unless you wish your wizened life terminated. Mentor: Oh, thank you. Yrcanos: For your life? It was nothing. Mentor: No, for not shouting. The Doctor: Come on, now. Come on. Yrcanos: My friend, we both live to drench the land with the blood of our enemies! Mentor: Must you say such nauseating things? Yrcanos: Be silent, wizened one, otherwise you'll be the first to die. The Doctor: You'll be all right. The implant hasn't taken. Yrcanos: What is that implant for? Mentor: It's one of Crozier's newest developments. We've been having problems with some of the Alphan slaves. The implant helps to impede any fractious or rebellious thoughts. It's very effective, Doctor. The Doctor: Where's the control centre? Mentor: Oh, er, I, er, I wouldn't know that. Yrcanos: Come now, wizened one. Tuza: I know where it is. The Doctor: Right, let's go. Yrcanos: To release slaves? I'd envisioned a more noble cause for which to fight. The Doctor: Well, think of the chaos if we remove their mind control. And you'd have a very willing army to fight the Mentors. Mentor: He's right, you know. Yrcanos: Be silent! I am King Yrcanos of the Krontep! I'm quite capable of making my own decisions! The Doctor: Then please hurry. Yrcanos: Varoonik! We'll release the slaves, and then on to death! Varoonik! The Doctor: I'm sorry about the noise. He does so enjoy his work. Mentor: Just go. Just go. [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Crozier: Shave her head. I've decided to attempt direct transference. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Tuza: This way! [SCENE_BREAK] Commerce room [SCENE_BREAK] Mentor: With all due respect, Excellency... Sil: Guard! Mentor: Posikar has never been noted for the quality of its seaweed. Sil: Enquire what is happening. And have that noise switched off. [SCENE_BREAK] Cave [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: This way! Tuza: No, this way. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the control centre [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Carry on, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] Control centre [SCENE_BREAK] Frax: I somehow knew you'd finish up here. Tuza: You're getting very good at anticipating my moves. The Doctor: A friend of yours? Tuza: Not at all. The Doctor: Have you seen Peri? Frax: I believe she is with Crozier. The Doctor: Just as I feared. Frax: I think Mentor Sil would like a word with you both. The Doctor: Have you met Sil? Tuza: No. The Doctor: The last person you want to have... [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Officiating at your execution. Tuza: Oh, he won't have us put to death. We'll join Peri as material for experimentation. Frax: Come on, move. Yrcanos: Dorf is dead. The Doctor: I'm sorry. Yrcanos: No. He died fighting. It was an honourable way. Tuza: I'm also sorry about your friend, but we must destroy the slave control. Yrcanos: Lead me to it. I demand the privilege of initiating the demise of the Mentors... [SCENE_BREAK] Commerce room [SCENE_BREAK] Kiv: Yes, of course, I take your point, Excellency, but you must understand our... Sil: The Doctor is on the rampage with the barbarian king, Yrcanos. Kiv: Is that reason to interrupt an important conference? Sil: He is very dangerous. They could cause a great deal of damage. Kiv: That is nothing to what you are doing to my negotiations. If I'm not careful, I could lose an important fish concession. Sil: But you hate fish, Magnificence. Kiv: Do I? Excellency. [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Matrona: All is ready. Crozier: We must wait for Kiv to complete his meeting. Matrona: This time you will be successful. Crozier: This time could be my last time for anything. Matrona: What's happening? [SCENE_BREAK] Control room [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Ragna! Look on this and see Yrcanos, a great warlord, and also Yrcanos, the even greater liberator! Tuza: He's certainly a man of little modesty. The Doctor: Yrcanos? Yrcanos: Eh? The Doctor: It's time we found Peri. Yrcanos: Of course! I need my queen to grace my moment of triumph! Varoonik! [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Sil: What is all this confusion? Get out of the way. The Lord Kiv is unwell. Out of the way! [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Crozier: Prepare him at once. What do you want? Sil: Anarchy has broken out. The servants have gone mad, and good riddance, I say. All they do is eat you out of house and home. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I remember now! Whatever made you take me out of time when you did? I remember it all. I was on my way to save Peri. Inquisitor: Things have gone too far. You had released chaos and allowed your companion to take part in an experiment that would affect all future life in the universe. The Doctor: I did try to stop it! Inquisitor: But you could not succeed. It was too late, and therefore necessary, by the direct order of the High Council, to prevent the consequence of Crozier's experiment. Watch, Doctor. Watch and listen carefully. [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Matrona: A perfect transfer. Crozier: I have altered the basis of all future life. Sil: Kiv's brain is inside the head of that repulsive Earth being? Crozier: No. This is what I wanted to achieve from the very beginning. I have transferred only the contents of his mind into the brain of the woman. Sil: And what of the Earth woman's mind? Crozier: Gone. Mentally, she no longer exists. Sil: And you can transfer any mind into any body? Crozier: When the Earth woman's brain ages, I can transfer the mental energy and consciousness of Lord Kiv into yet another body. He need never die. Sil: Immortality. [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Now where? Tuza: Around the next corner. Yrcanos: Good. I shall enjoy destroying Crozier. Tuza: Don't you feel as though there's something missing? It's as though there was someone else here just a minute ago. That there was three of us. Yrcanos: Ah. You sense the presence of Mildu, the great god of war. That is good. It seems that I shall make a warrior out of you yet. Come! [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Good. Only two guards. The gods are with us. Tuza: What do we do? Yrcanos: Two guards, two of us. We fight like warriors. Tuza: And what does that mean? Yrcanos: Frontal attack. Now! Inquisitor (O.C.): They're caught in a time bubble. Everything must be perfect before they drive home their final attack. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: You're using Yrcanos as an assassin. Inquisitor: It was judged by the High Council as the most acceptable way, and Yrcanos will never know that he was used. The Doctor: And so they took it upon themselves to act like second-rate gods? [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Warm. Not cold. My body is warm. Wonderful. Legs. Toes. Toes wiggling. Trunk. A neck. Strong. A head free of pain. Eyesight. Colours. Warm blood inside. Oh, I like this. Now, I am she, alive within this oh so wonderful, wonderful frame, not that cold-blooded reptile thing. It must, must die. Crozier: It already has. Welcome to your new body. Sil: I wish you could have found a more attractive one. Yrcanos: Ragna! Peri: Protect me. I am your lord and master. Yrcanos: No! No! No! [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: You killed Peri? Inquisitor: We had to act. With the discovery that Crozier had made, the whole course of natural evolution throughout the universe would be affected. Valeyard: But Peri died, Doctor, because you abandoned her. We had to end her life because your negligence had made it impossible for her to live. The Doctor: Lies. There's something else going on here. The High Council has no right to order Peri's or anyone else's death. Inquisitor: Please, Doctor. The Doctor: No, I was taken out of time for another reason, and I have every intention of finding out what it is.
Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who works to free king Yrcanos and Dorf? A: his surgical procedure; Q: What is Kiv preparing for? A: Peri; Q: Who is strapped down and shaved in preparation for the Trial? A: the Time Lords; Q: Who extracts Kiv for the Trial? A: The Valeyard; Q: Who shows the Doctor what happened next from The Matrix files? Summary: The Doctor works to free king Yrcanos and Dorf. Kiv prepares for his surgical procedure and Peri is strapped down and shaved in preparation, before the Doctor can help her, the Time Lords extract him for the Trial. The Valeyard then presents what happened next from The Matrix files and the Doctor is shocked at what he see's occur.
At Paige's house, Paige walks into her room and opens her blinds loudly waking Alex up Alex: Who's the evil genius who made mornings so friggen bright? Paige: Oh probably the same evil genius who decided that there should be school days after crazy movie premieres. Alex: Crazy? That's the verb you're gonna use to describe last night? Paige: Adjective. And considering I voluntarily slept on the downstairs couch, crazy seems about right. Alex: You didn't have to sleep on the couch. You would have been safe in your room with me. Paige: We're gonna be late and I hate being late so you should uh, you should get ready. Now if I could just find my bus pass that would be absolutely brilliant Alex: Paige. Paige: You know the bus people should really just, just give an implant or a, or a tattoo and I could save- Alex: Paige! Hey. I'm Alex, your friend. Can you just talk to me? Paige: I can't even begin to process what happened last night. Not with our little sister act slut dance or the drama with your mom's boyfriend. Alex: You call that drama? I call that reality TV. Paige: It's not funny. This is not funny. There is a girl in my bed, Alex. You! It's like I woke up in some weird movie with subtitles. The kind of movie that I hate and I can't deal with it, okay? I can't deal with you. Alex: Alright. I'm just gonna go rub some toothpaste on my teeth and then you can walk twenty paces ahead of me all the way to the bus stop. In the gymnasium Paige: Hi! Hi, hi. Sorry I'm late. Hazel: Hey. What happened to you last night? You and Alex went in the VIP party and poof! You never came back out. Paige: Um I'm not quite sure how to, how to describe what happened exactly. Hazel: Why? Did you meet somebody? You did? Is he famous? Would I know who he is? Paige: Famous no, but um you might know who he is. Darcy: Sorry to interrupt. The assembly's at four so we should really start rehearsing that new cheer. You know the thank you Kevin Smith assembly? The one that you've written the new cheer for. You have written it, right? Paige: Sure hun. Um I have it all worked out in my head, so let's meet back here at noon and I will have the most brilliant-est cheer typed up and ready for rehearsing. Darcy: Okay. Great. Outside the school Spike: When you asked for a ride I thought you had something to tell me. (Mr. Simpson rides up on his motorcycle.) Emma: I can't believe you let him keep that stupid motorbike. Spike: Aw it's harmless in a mid-life crisis sort of way. He looks happy. Emma: Mom, be honest. He looks stupid. That bike was such a mistake. Spike: Sometimes you have to let people make mistakes. That's what love's all about. (Emma gets out of the car and walks right past Mr. Simpson.) Mr. Simpson: Emma. Emma I know you hate me right now, not that I don't deserve it. Emma: For having an affair with the principal? I think you deserve just a drop of anger for that. Mr. Simpson: It's not an affair, alright? It stopped at kissing and I promise it'll never ever happen again. Emma: I have to get to class. Spike: (Driving away honking) Bye guys. (Emma walks into the school.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Morning Emma. Emma: Don't talk to me. (Ms. Hatzilakos pauses and when Mr. Simpson walks in they give each other weird looks.) In the media immersion classroom Marco: Hey. Paige: Can I ask you a teensy question? Do you ever think about girls? Marco: Uh interesting question first thing in the morning. Now did you miss the years that I dated your brother? Paige: But just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't think about girls every now and then, right? Marco: Are you trying to hook me up with someone? Oh wicked. That mean there's a girl out there who likes me? Paige: No. The object of female affection's pretty much me. Marco: You? Oh I know it! It's Heather Sinclair. Paige I've seen the way she looks at you and- Paige: Ew. Double ew. No. It's not Heather Sinclair. Alex! Alex: Hey. Paige: Hi. Marco: Hey pull up a chair. Hey you two still need to tell me about that VIP party last night! Alex: I think I'm gonna sit over here today. Marco: Oh. Oh. Paige it's Alex? Paige: She kissed me last night. (The bell rings and Mr. Simpson walks into the room.) Mr. Simpson: Morning class. As you know Kevin Smith will be visiting us today. I want you to take advantage of him being here. Prepare some smart media questions for him. Alex: (In an IM) Could you deal with lunch? Paige: (In an IM) SS practice. Sorry. (Alex looks upset so Paige sends her another message.) Paige: (In an IM) 2nd period spare-laneway? In the alley Jay: Waiting for someone? Alex: Oh look! Here I am in an alley and a rat appears. Just like magic. Jay: I found these under the table at the club. I thought maybe your new bestest girlfriend might want them back. (Alex tries to take the shoes and Jay pulls them away.) Alex: Just give me the shoes and go away. Jay: First I want you to tell me what it is you think you could possibly have in common with a stuck up cheerleader. Paige: Sorry I took so long. (Paige walks over and Jay leaves.) Paige: I seem to have interrupted fun time with Jay, which looked kind of hot. Alex: No. In fact it's been cancelled. Replaced with fun time with Paige. Paige: Alex. We need to talk. This can't happen. I'm not a...lesbian. Alex: And you think I am? Paige: Well you're the one who kissed me. Alex: What are you, five? And for the record you kissed me back. Paige: I'm not even supposed to like people like you. People who, who wear black with navy and who hate everything and everyone. Alex: I don't hate you. Even if you are one of the popular idiots who drinks latte's and reads stupid magazines and laughs way too loud. Paige: I have to laugh when I'm around you. I can't really help it. Alex: And I have to be better when I'm around you. I can't help it either. (They lean in and start kissing while Jay watches them from the bushes.) In front of the school Jay: Need a couple hands for your poms? Hazel: What do you want? Jay: World peace, salami sub, and a chance to talk to my good friend Haz-e! Hazel: We're not friends. Jay: So you don't want to hear my news then? That Paige has gone the gay way. Hazel: Excuse me? Jay: You heard me. Yeah, I saw your friend and my ex doing some seriously sexy dancing last night. Hazel: So? You need to get out more. Girls do that stuff all the time. Jay: And I just saw Paige lay a big ol' smooch on Alex. You trying to tell me that's something that girls do all the time? Hazel: I'm not getting involved in this. Jay: Listen! Do you really think that Paige wants to end her distinguished high school career as the school lesbo? Hazel: You're being disgusting. Jay: I'm being honest! And what about you huh? Are you looking forward to those inevitable rumours about you and Paige? Is that how you want to be remembered? In the gymnasium, Paige is underneath a stunt while Darcy is topping Hazel: Paige I need to speak to you now. Paige: Kinda busy right now. Hazel: I bet you'll be even busier later...with her. Darcy: Paige! Paige: I got you. What are you talking about? Hazel: I'm talking about Alex. What is she doing here? Is she like your girlfriend now? (Paige is shocked and drops Darcy.) Darcy: Don't worry. I'm fine. Paige: Who told you? Hazel: Jay! Paige did you become a lesbian and not tell me? Paige: No! No Hazel. I'm not a lesbian hello! Matt, Spinner...I've dated lots of guys. Hazel: Well then how come Jay saw you kissing Alex? Paige: Um I just got caught up in a moment. Hazel: And that's all? (Alex starts walking over and overhears Paige.) Paige: Of course. It was totally stupid. It meant nothing. She means nothing. (Alex walks away angry and Paige runs out after her.) Paige: Alex! Alex: Don't bother. (Paige stops her.) Alex: How could you? Paige: I do not like girls. I cannot like girls! Alex: Then why did you kiss me? Paige: I don't know. I felt bad. I didn't want to hurt you. Alex: Who needs your pity huh? I don't. (Alex walks away while Kevin and Jason are shown signing autographs and are shocked at what they just heard.) Kevin: Well. Paige: Oh um excuse me while I go uh flush my head down the toilet. In the auditorium Ms. Hatzilakos: We're ready to begin. Can I have everyone's attention please? Can everyone- (She bangs on the podium and everyone settles down.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Can I have everyone's attention? Please grab your seats. We're gonna begin now. Thank you. At this time last year Degrassi was struggling out of an awful tragedy and then came Kevin Smith. (Everyone cheers.) Ms. Hatzilakos: He cast our school as the backdrop for his movie Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian Eh? and as a token of our gratitude, Mr. Smith, I would like to present you with an honorary diploma. (He stands up to get it.) Kevin: Noo. Thank you. Ms. Hatzilakos: But before we make it completely official our spirit squad would like to send you on your way in style. Paige? Darcy: What are we gonna do? Paige: I haven't come up with anything. Hazel: Just improvise. Paige: Okay. Uh...go. Just cartwheels okay? Paige: Give me a K. Darcy: K! Paige: Give me an E. Jason: E! Paige: Give me a V-I-N-S-M-I-T-H. Yay! (Paige runs out of the gym and Kevin starts clapping hesitantly.) Kevin: Uh... [SCENE_BREAK] At Emma's house, Spike feels Emma's forehead Emma: Mom! I'm fine. Spike: Don't seem fine to me little girl. Mr. Simpson: Buenos Dias senoritas! Spike: That's not your motorcycle helmet. Where's all the Kevlar? Mr. Simpson: I sold it! The motorbike, the helmet, the works because uh we're going to Mexico! You, me, Emma and Manny will be spending a week on the Mayan Riviera at the end of term. Spike: What about Jack? Mr. Simpson: Oh, the grandmas already fighting for him. It's all been taken care of. Spike: I love you so much! I don't deserve such a perfect husband! Emma: Stop it! Just stop it! Spike: Emma. What is it sweetheart? Tell me what's wrong! Mr. Simpson: It's about me. It's something I did. At Alex's apartment building, Jay is sitting outside Alex: Why is it that every time I turn a corner there you are. Jay: I'm like one of those annoying pop songs. Once I get stuck in your head I'm impossible to get rid of. Alex: What do you want Jay? Really. Jay: My life sucks, okay? I'm kicked out of school, Sean moved away, Spinner's found the lord and the only person who ever really got me won't even give me the time of day. I'm not perfect. I know that, but I get you, you know? The real you 'cause you and me we're the same...you know? Why do you want to fight that? (She opens up the door and they both walk in.) In the gymnasium, Kevin and Jason are playing basketball and Kevin won Kevin: Don't hate the playa son, hate the game. Know what I'm saying? Oh Ms. Michalchuk! Want to shoot some horse with us or are you running off to a spelling bee or something like that? Paige: Uh about the cheer...please know that I've composed more cheery before. Kevin: Nobody's ever done a cheer in my honour so by default your cheer for me was about the best I've ever had, so thank you. Paige: I was kinda distracted. Kevin: Distracted, huh? Let me guess. By some kind of acid tongue, raven haired beauty from the wrong side of tracks, maybe? Ms. Hatzilakos: Kevin. Jason. Listen, your taxi's here. Kevin: Thank you Ms. Hatzilakos. Kevin: Let me ask you a question, you like this girl? Like you know, like her, like her? Paige: Yeah I like her, but I'm not gay. My brother is gay. I'm straight. I always have been. Kevin: Your brother is gay? My brother is gay too! Even got married to a guy. Paige: Really? Kevin: Yeah it was the hottest wedding I'd ever been to in my life. Really, really cool. Hands down. Almost made me want to switch teams. Almost. Look I'm probably the last guy in the world who should be giving you advice on this very subject, but I don't know you guys seemed happy the other night and that's kind of rare and whether it's gay, straight, bi, whatever...it's kind of worth investigating a little further I'd say. Just my two cents. You just gonna stand there staring at me after I've dropped that wisdom on you? Come on that's your move. Go chase the girl, silly! At Emma's house Mr. Simpson: It was a mistake. It was just a kiss! Spike: What about Emma? What about her feelings? Mr. Simpson: Look, believe me it was never my intentions to involve her in this! Spike: Just go! Mr. Simpson: I'm so sorry Emma, but um, I'm gonna go stay at Joey's just for a while. Emma: No! No you can't. Go up there and convince her to let you stay! Mr. Simpson: Emma, listen. What I did was horrible, but I would never have done it if there wasn't something wrong with me. I've got to go figure it out. Emma: Do you love my mother? Mr. Simpson: Of course. Emma: And Jack? Mr. Simpson: Em, he's my son. Emma: What about me? Mr. Simpson: You know I do. Emma: So what's to figure out?! (He leaves as Emma sits on the couch crying.) At Alex's house Jay: This is nice huh? Just like old times. Alex: I said you could come in and watch TV Jay. That's all. This doesn't mean anything. Jay: Yeah. Sure Lexie. Whatever you say! (Alex's mother and her boyfriend walk in.) Jay: Chad! Chad: Hey! Jay: It's been a long time. You been working hard? Chad: Hardly working. Where you at bud? Jay: Oh you know here and there. Just trying to keep myself out of trouble. Ms. Nunez: Give me some sugar you handsome devil. Hello! Jay: Look at you. You are looking as beautiful as ever Emily. Ms. Nunez: Aw such a charmer. I always knew this one was a keeper Lexie. Sort of reminds me of old Chad here. I am so glad you finally came to your senses and took Jay back baby. Alex: I haven't taken him back. Jay: Well not yet. (He puts his arm around Alex and she pushes it off.) Alex: No! Not ever. I need some air. (Alex walks outside and sees Paige standing there.) Paige: I've been trying to work up the nerve to ring the doorbell. Alex: We don't have one. Welcome to my world. Paige: Any room in it for a stupid girl? Alex: I already have one of those. Paige: Well how about room for someone who's ready to stop worrying so much about what other people think? Alex: There might be room for her. Paige: Alex I'm sorry about before, what I said. Alex: Whatever Paige. It's cool. Paige: No, it's not. I said you were nothing to me, which...which is a total lie because right now you're pretty much everything. (They clasp hands smiling.) Scenes for next week Craig: (To the camera) Nobody breaks up this band. It's all of us or nothing. Voiceover: Sometimes dreams come true. Manager: I'd like to manage you. Craig: A real music industry manager has signed us! Voiceover: But some dreams carry a heavy price tag. Manager: (To Ellie) Honey you're not cut out for us Voiceover: In more ways than one. (Craig is shown holding pamphlets and talking to Joey and Diane.) Craig: I got early acceptance and a full scholarship. My future is music. I'm not gonna give this up.
Plan: A: Kevin Smith; Q: Who helps Paige deal with her sexuality? A: Emma; Q: Who feels compelled to tell her mother about what she saw? A: a difficult choice; Q: What does Emma have to make when Snake asks her to keep what she saw a secret? Summary: Alex and Paige are still confused over what happened the night before, and Kevin Smith helps Paige deal with her sexuality. Meanwhile, Emma feels compelled to tell her mother about what she saw, but when Snake asks her to keep it a secret, she has to make a difficult choice.
[EXT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- NIGHT] (A man wearing an old leather duster and a cowboy hat walks through the middle of the town's dirt road. His spurs jingle with every step.) (Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles.) (The man stops and puts his thick leather gloves on. The wind howls, stirring up dust.) [INT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- SALOON - CONTINUOUS] (The dark-haired woman drinks a shot and puts her glass down on the bar counter. She turns. It's Lady Heather.) (The saloon doors are pushed open and the man walks in. Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles.) (She turns and leans against the bar.) Lady Heather: You're late. (The man takes the thick rope he has hanging from his belt and unravels it. He rolls the rope around his hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The man has the rope wound around Lady Heather's neck. He kicks a random bar chair over.) Man: Now say it. (He holds the rope tight around her neck.) Man: I said ... say it. (He keeps his hold on the rope. Lady Heather gags.) Man: You have to say it. Say it. (Lady Heather gags. Her hand slips from gripping his arm as she loses consciousness.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN - NIGHT] (The lights in the western town are turned on. The dirt road is lit up. The paramedic rolls the gurney toward the ambulance as Catherine walks past. She sees it's Lady Heather.) Catherine: Is she going to be okay? Paramedic: Yes, ma'am, she's stable. Severe trauma to the neck. (Lady Heather's eyes open.) Catherine: Heather, I'm Catherine Willows. I don't know if you remember me. It's going to be all right. (Brass joins Catherine.) Brass: Like a bad penny, some people just keep showing up. Catherine: Did you call Grissom? Brass: No. (Catherine nods.) Catherine: Who found her? Brass: Guy over there in the ten-gallon -- Vernon Porter. (Catherine turns and sees a man dressed as a sheriff talking with an officer.) Brass: He's a night watchman. All the employees are required to wear that cowboy getup. That's the job that cops get after they retire. Catherine: You've got something to look forward to, Jim. Brass: Yes, ma'am. (They turn and walk over toward the saloon. Catherine sees some spit on the wooden floor near the spittoon.) Catherine: Chewing tobacco. Looks fresh. (She puts evidence marker #1 down near the spit.) [INT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- SALOON - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine and Brass enter the saloon. Piano music plays in the background. Catherine looks around the saloon at the gaming tables and life-sized western mannequins sitting at the tables.) (Catherine sees the overturned bar stool.) Catherine: Lady Heather has a house for this. Why take her show on the road? (Brass motions to the player piano.) Brass: Do you think you know how to ... ? Catherine: Yeah. (Catherine turns the piano off.) Brass: Oh, you're a genius. (He motions to the floor.) Well, this is where we found her. (Catherine sees the rope on the floor.) Catherine: Did she have ligature marks? Brass: On her neck, yeah. Catherine: Well, that doesn't make any sense. She was a dominatrix. Not a submissive. Brass: Maybe the party just got out of control. Catherine: Or somebody didn't know the rules. [Captioning sponsored by CBS, C.S.I. PRODUCTIONS and brought to you by Toyota.] WHIP OUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERICAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- NIGHT] (Greg is in the break room going through some files. Grissom walks in carrying his cup.) Grissom: How you doing? Greg: These files are out of control. Typos, white-outs, names missing, whole sections missing. Grissom: Twenty years ago, the county was still using typewriters. Did you find anything? (Greg picks up a paper.) Greg: Ernie Dell's foster child. Donna Catalani. Lived with the Dells for a year. Her CASA report came with a supplemental. They forgot to black out her social security number. (He hands the paper to Grissom, who puts his glasses on to look at it.) Greg: We can use that to track her down, unless the adoptives changed it. Grissom: Good. I'll run it. I have to pull you off of this. Days is down to four CSI's. You're on loan-out. Greg: Why can't Days keep anybody? Grissom: Money, stress, Ecklie, maybe. Just help them with their backlog. (Grissom turns and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- NIGHT] (Brass talks with Vernon Porter.) Brass: So you're sure that the gate was locked? Vernon Porter: I come on at 6:00 when Oakley's closes. The first thing I do is lock the gate. (He shows Brass the keys on his large key ring hanging from his belt.) Vernon Porter: Make my rounds every two hours. (As Brass watches, Vernon tucks a large wad of tobacco in his mouth and chews.) Vernon Porter: 8:00, 10:00, 12:00 -- everything was Code 4. Brass: When did things go Code 3? Vernon Porter: Found the main gate unlocked at 0214. Went to check out the street, heard that music. Found her on the floor, called it in. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- SALOON - NIGHT] (Sara snaps a photo of the broken bootle on the counter. Catherine examines the piano.) Sara: This is a family theme park. I'm assuming they don't actually serve alcohol here. Must have brought their own. (Sara picks up the label: THE GLEN EDMONDS 30 YEAR OLD PURE SINGLE MALT SCOTCH WHISKEY PRODUCT OF SCOTLAND UNHURRIED SINCE 1924 ) Sara: (reads) Single malt, twelve years old. Catherine: S & M is a rich man's sport. Kind of like hockey -- a lot of equipment. (Catherine takes a swab of something under the piano.) Sara: How much do you think a night like this would cost? Catherine: Heather told me, five years ago, she was clearing 20 grand a week. (Sara's shocked.) And that was before ladyheather.com. Sara: What is she like? Catherine: Beautiful ... smart, intense ... charming. The only woman I've ever seen rattle Grissom. I mean, he kind of liked that forensic anthropologist, Terry Miller. Remember her? (Sara puts the label in a bag.) Sara: Yeah. (She picks up her camera. Catherine opens an evidence bag.) Catherine: But she wasn't enough of a challenge for him. (She picks up the rope and puts it in the bag.) Catherine: Heather, on the other hand ... uninhibited and can beat him at mental chess. (Sara snaps a picture.) Catherine: They had chemistry. And he is a scientist. (Catherine stands up.) Catherine: I have no proof and I know he'd never tell me, but I'm certain they spent the night together. Wonder which one wore the chaps. (Way too much information.) Sara: Lots of ... (clears throat) ... coins and toothpicks. They don't sweep under here. Catherine: I mean, more power to him, really, to find somebody outside of work 'cause you start fishing from the company pier, and ... asking for trouble. (Sara picks up a glass and looks at it.) Sara: I got a shot glass. Looks like there's some lipstick around the rim. Catherine: My fantasy does not include costumes, or pain ... (Sara turns and looks at Catherine.) Catherine: -- and certainly not sawdust. (Catherine brushes the sawdust off her pants.) Catherine: You? (We hold on Sara's stunned expression.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. STREET -- NIGHT] (Sofia, Nick and Warrick walk over to the body on the concrete.) Sofia: Patrol found her. Nick: Any witnesses? Sofia: No. No businesses open, no cars on the side streets. Warrick: So how'd she get here? Sofia: Well, in this neighborhood, unless she's a hooker, I doubt she walked. I'm going to go make some calls, see if any of these places have any security cameras. Nick: Thanks. (Sofia leaves them.) Nick: That's a pretty nasty head wound. Where's Super Dave? Warrick: He's probably at the 420 on Flamingo. They left their purse. (Warrick picks up the bag.) Warrick: Oh! The thing is heavier than my kid. Ever get hit in the head with one of these? Nick: No. Gentlemen don't get hit in the head with those. (Nick snaps a photo of the victim's face.) (Warrick takes out several driver licenses. We see the one on the top and the address of the second under it: KEYSHA SAYRUN 6589 TIBER LANE LAS VEGAS, NV 89151 JEFFREY LANIER 74112 VIXTON ST LAS VEGAS, NV 89151 ) Warrick: Keysha Sayrun? (Warrick holds out the driver license to compare the photo to the victim.) Warrick: Well, that's not her. Nick: Maybe it's not her purse. Warrick: There's a whole bunch of wallets in here. Driver's permit. Kid's only 15 -- (Warrick looks at the NEVADA DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES, LEARNERS PERMIT (TEMPORARY), DIVISION OF DRIVERS LICENSES for: SIMON, CHAD 7141 PACIFIC VIEW DRIVE s*x: M COLOR HAIR: BRN COLOR EYES: BRN ) Warrick: -- has got a credit card? She's got to be a pickpocket. Nick: Aw, man, that's a shame. Look at her. She could be anything she wanted to be. Makes you wonder what happens to people. Warrick: I got her. (Warrick finds the right ID.) Warrick: Faith Maroney. Twenty-five ... from Southern Highlands. Nick: Sometimes I miss the days when I didn't take this job so personally, Warrick. Warrick: Yeah? Well, I miss the days when we only had five homicides a week. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Grissom puts a miniature item on his miniature shelf. He places the shelf in the miniature of his own office. The phone rings.) Grissom: Grissom. Catherine. (pause) I'm on my way. (He hangs up and heads out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. HOSPITAL - LADY HEATHER'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Lady Heather talks with Brass.) Lady Heather: I was planning an Old West party. I was checking out the facilities. Brass: So why couldn't you check them out during normal business hours? Lady Heather: It was my normal business hours. Brass: You know, we spoke to the night watchman. He said the gate was locked. How did you get in? Lady Heather: I know the owner. Brass: Do you know him the way you know Judge Fincher? Because I know that's how you got out of jail last time. I need a name. Lady Heather: Mr. Oakley. I have his number, but not on me. You'll have to look it up. (There's a knock on the door. Sara walks in.) Sara: Hi. I'm with the Crime Lab. Sara Sidle. (Lady Heather watches Sara walk in and put her kit down on the table.) Sara: I'm here to collect your clothes and trace evidence from your body. (She looks away.) Lady Heather: Can I say no? Sara: Why would you want to? (to Brass) Did the nurse forget to collect an SAE kit? (Sara takes her camera out.) Lady Heather: Not necessary. Brass: You don't want help, that's okay by me. Just don't waste my time. I've got a lot of cases on my desk that need my attention. So when you come out of your haze, give me a call. (Brass leaves.) Lady Heather: I don't respond well to men who judge me based solely on my profession. Sara: I get that a lot, too. (She offers Heather a smile.) Law enforcement. (Lady Heather smiles back. Her smile fades.) Sara: May I move your hair? (Lady Heather nods.) (Sara reaches out and gently moves Lady Heather's hair aside to expose the bruises on her neck. She snaps photos of the markings. Lady Heather closes her eyes.) Sara: These look like rope marks on your neck. (Lady Heather opens her eyes. Sara takes a couple more photos.) (Lady Heather's eyes brighten as she sees someone outside the room, behind Sara.) Lady Heather: (softly) Grissom. (Sara turns around and finds Grissom standing in the open doorway.) Sara: I'll be done in a minute. (We hold on Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Dr. Robbins yawns as he holds a specimen container over FAITH MARONEY'S body on the table. Warrick walks in.) Warrick: What's the matter, Doc; you been hitting it a little too hard? Robbins: No, canine-induced insomnia. We're fostering some puppies-- Jack Russells. Had me up all night. How about a puppy to keep you company? Warrick: No, if I stay up all night, it's not going to be because of a puppy. COD? Robbins: Okay, uh, blunt force trauma to the left temporal region of the skull. The skull's fractured. Warrick: Any idea what kind of weapon might have been used? Robbins: No, but I found these imbedded in the skull. (Robbins lifts the pan with the sample on it.) Warrick: Paint chips? Could she have been hit by a car? Robbins: Well, it's possible. But if she was standing when she was hit, I'd expect to find pedestrian fractures on her legs. And there are no run-over marks, so she wasn't in a prone position. Warrick: So if she wasn't standing or lying down ... Robbins: She was somewhere in-between. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STREET -- NIGHT] (Nick is kneeling at the crime scene. Officer Mitchell is with him.) Officer Mitchell: Stokes, you ready for a cup of coffee? Nick: No, thanks. (He stands up.) I'm only going to be about another ten minutes here, okay? Officer Mitchell: Your call. (Officer Mitchell leaves.) (Nick looks down on the road and finds yellow paint chips. Behind him, a station wagon takes the corner and smashes into the police car parked on the road behind Nick.) (The car horn blares.) (The passenger door of the station wagon opens and a man crawls out. Officer Mitchell: (muffled) (He heads around the car to check on the driver. Nick heads for the passenger.) Nick: Hey. You all right? (The man stumbles out and heads for the street. Nick grabs him.) Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not the street. Not the street. (Nick grabs the kid. Officer Mitchell checks on the driver.) Officer Mitchell: You all right, man? You all right? (Nick sets him down on the sidewalk curb.) Nick: I got you. (Nick's front shirt and vest are covered with blood. He looks around.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. HOSPITAL - LADY HEATHER'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Grissom sits next to Lady Heather's bed.) Lady Heather: (rasps) Are you here in a professional capacity? Grissom: Does it make a difference? Lady Heather: (rasps) Maybe not to you. I feel exposed. The last time you saw me ... Grissom: You had just lost your daughter. Lady Heather: (rasps) That's not all I lost that night. INSERT: SCENES FROM 6X15: Pirates of the Third Reich [EXT. DESERT (OFF HIGHWAY 55, NEAR SPARKS) - NIGHT] (Lady Heather has Leon Sneller tied to the front of her car and whips him. His face and chest are cut and bloodied.) Grissom: (shouts) Stop it! (Grissom gets out of his car to stop her.) Lady Heather: (crying) No! Let me finish. (She pulls back the whip. Grissom steps forward and catches it.) BACK TO SCENE. Grissom: If a client did this, and left you to die, why are you protecting him? Lady Heather: I'm not. Grissom: Tell me the truth. (Lady Heather has difficulty breathing.) Grissom: Did they check your glucose level when you came in? (She puts her head back and passes out.) Grissom: Heather? (The monitor alarm rings. Grissom presses the nurse's call button. The nurse walks in.) Grissom: She's diabetic. I think she's going into shock. Nurse: The patient never told us. (Grissom watches as the nurse checks Heather's eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY SUNRISE (STOCK) - MORNING] [EXT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- DAY] (Brass walks with Jack Oakley down the center of the town road. Jack's son, Benjamin, follows behind them.) Jack Oakley: Captain, I'll need a copy of the police report for my insurance. Brass: Oh, sure, sure, sure. We'll get to that. But, first, I need to straighten out a few things. (They stop walking.) Brass: Mr. Oakley, did you give Heather Kessler permission to enter the park after hours? Jack Oakley: No, I didn't. Benjamin Oakley: I did. (Jack looks at his son.) Benjamin Oakley: She called the office. Wanted to know about renting out Oakley's Saloon for a private party. Brass: Well, you know what she does for a living, right? Benjamin Oakley: Money's money -- doesn't matter who's handing it to you, right, Dad? Jack Oakley: As long as you're not breaking the law. Brass: So you have no problem with a dominatrix doing business at a family theme park? Jack Oakley: Captain, sometimes, my son, he ... he doesn't think things all the way through. Benjamin Oakley: But I'm learning. Brass: So how did she get in? Benjamin Oakley: I swung by. Wanted to meet her. Brass: After midnight? Benjamin Oakley: Yeah. Told her to lock up when she was done. Jack Oakley: You should have stayed, Ben. You got liability to think about. Benjamin Oakley: (scoffs) Right, Dad. 'Cause you always do. (Jack stops at the obvious jab.) Jack Oakley: Captain, is this about it? Brass: Well, I'd like to talk to Benny a little more. We need to confirm his statement. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- BATHROOM -- DAY] (Catherine walks into the bathroom, puts her kit down and starts snapping photos. She picks up her kit and heads for the stall. She opens the stall door and finds something blue stuffed in the toilet.) (She reaches in with a forceps and pulls it out. It's a pair of men's underwear. She finds a crumpled paper towel on the floor behind the toilet. She puts her goggles on and takes out her ALS.) (She checks the paper and finds body fluid on it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Warrick snaps photos of the contents of the purse out on the table. Sofia walks in.) Sofia: There were no security cameras at the crime scene, but Ms. Maroney had multiple arrests for petty theft and shoplifting. She had just been released on court-ordered rehab for kleptomania. Warrick: She got noodles, hairpins, dish towels, a can of tuna. Sofia: (amused) She didn't care what she took. She just had to take it. Warrick: You know, I was thinking. If she pinched my wallet, and I whacked her for it, I'd probably get back my wallet before I split. Sofia: Which means the theft victims are probably not the suspects. Got anything else? Warrick: A couple of loose receipts, all from last night, all paid in cash. A pack of gum from the Bargain Bin, a soda from Carlisa's, and a Bloody Mary from Diane's Steakhouse. Sofia: Which is less than quarter of a mile from the crime scene. Warrick: Yeah. At 9:52 p.m. Sofia: Patrol found her just after 11:00. I'll start at the steakhouse and backtrack. (Sofia leaves the room. Warrick nods as he watches her go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY] (Hodges takes a paint chip sample and cuts off a piece. He puts the piece on a slide and slips it under the scope.) INSERT: SCOPE VIEW of the edge of the paint chip. (Nick walks into the lab.) Nick: Hey. (He turns and sees the blood on Nick's shirt.) Hodges: Hey. What? Have you been shaving with a broken beer bottle? Nick: No, no. Some drunk driver ran into a radio car at my crime scene. Friggin' idiot. Hodges: Yeah. I heard you pulled the friggin' idiot's friend out of a burning car. Nick: Nothing was on fire. I didn't pull anybody from anywhere. Hodges: Oh, so humble. You know, some people are just destined for greatness. Nick: Run these against the paint chips from the body, please. (The results appear on the computer monitor.) Hodges: Sure. You mean the engine black over canary yellow paint chips from a Ford automobile? Yeah. If I had a yellow car, I'd paint over it, too. Nick: So the victim was hit by a car. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CAB - GARAGE -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick walk into the garage area.) Warrick: Steakhouse called Faith Maroney a cab. They have a direct line to this place. Nick: Well, the car that hit her was yellow and black. Warrick: Paint color's not going to help us narrow it down any, is it? Nick: No. (The cab dispatcher steps out to meet them.) Cab Dispatcher: You guys from Strip-O-Gram? Nick: Excuse me? Cab Dispatcher: 'Cause last year, for my birthday, a cop showed up with a phony badge, started tearing his clothes off and trying to rub up on me. (She chuckles.) I'm an excellent tipper. Nick: Well, I'm sure you are, but, uh, no, ma'am, we're not dancers. We're here about the warrant. Cab Dispatcher: (disappointed) Okay, then. So we dispatched twenty cabs to Diane's Steakhouse last night. Warrick: Around 10:00? (She checks her clipboard.) Cab Dispatcher: Received a call at 10:01. Dispatched number 29. Chandru Kambhatla. He doesn't come on until 8:00. Warrick: Well, we're going to need to see that cab and your trip sheet. Cab Dispatcher: Number 29's right there. Keys are inside. (Warrick and Nick head for the cab #7029.) Cab Dispatcher: No joy riding, and don't leave the doors off like you did last time. Nick: Hey, we just take them apart. We don't put them back together, now. Cab Dispatcher: That's why nobody likes to deal with your asses! (Warrick and Nick laugh. They examine the cab. Nick finds blood on the front bumper. Warrick finds the camera over the rear view mirror.) Warrick: Hey, Nick, there's a camera in here. Maybe that'll be able to tell us if Princess Pickpocket was one of his fares. (Nick takes a swab of the blood on the front bumper and tests it.) Nick: Front bumper screens positive for blood. (Gus and another cab driver walk up to them.) Gus Difusco: Hey. I got robbed last week, filed a report. How come you're helping Chandru and not me? Nick: This isn't a robbery, sir. Cab Driver: Then, what is it? Nick: Do you know the guy that drives this cab? Cab Driver: Sure. Warrick: You see him last night? Gus Difusco: I had to cut out early. My wife's sick. But, uh, Dru's solid. Got to respect a guy who comes here and wants to be legit. Goes to work, pays his taxes, studying to be a citizen. Cab Driver: If you want to know about state capitals, you just ask Dru. Did you know that Vegas is not the capital of Nevada? Nick: Thanks for the info, fellas. Gus Difusco: Go get 'em. (Gus DiFusco and the Cab Driver turn and leaves.) (Nick takes a sample of the black bumper paint. Under it is the yellow paint.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Catherine and Brass walk through the hallway.) Catherine: The substance that I found under the saloon window was chewing tobacco. Brass: The night watchman chews. Catherine: Yeah, Vernon Porter. He was fired from the force back in Chicago. Brass: Yeah, I know. I checked him out. Catherine: Oh. Brass: He got in an off-duty incident. He was in a fight in a bar and a woman was hospitalized. Catherine: I'm thinking he had a front row seat. Brass: Well, you know, it fits his profile. He could have waited till Heather's client left -- there's always a client ... Catherine: Yeah. Brass: ... and then attacked her. You know, I should have checked to see if he was wearing underwear. Catherine: There's no way that he could afford her. So why would Heather cover for him? Unless he's just a witness. Brass: Well, you want to see a man about a horse? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Sara looks through the scope at two fibers.) Grissom: Any results on Heather Kessler? Sara: So far, all the prints come back to her. Player piano, whiskey bottle, shot glass. There was some lipstick around the rim. I haven't had a chance to test it. You think it's her shade? Grissom: Heather's not supposed to drink because of her diabetes, which could explain the hypoglycemia and shock. (Sara nods.) Sara: Catherine found a pair of men's underwear in the toilet. Any evidence on them would have been washed away, but she also found seminal fluid in a tissue on the floor nearby. Grissom: She was sexually assaulted? Sara: She refused an SAE kit, so we'll never know. There were no defensive wounds, no skin or rope fibers under her nails. At first blush, I figured he might have ambushed her, except that I noted three separate strangulation attempts on her neck. (Sara shows Grissom the photo.) Sara: She had time to fight back. Grissom: This makes no sense. She's very strong. And tough as nails. Why didn't she fight? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- NIGHT] (Catherine checks the latch on the front gate.) Catherine: Gate's unlocked again. Brass: Well, it's ten after. Probably unlocked 'cause he's doing his rounds. Catherine: Maybe. (The gate swings open and they walk down the front road.) Brass: Ah, the Wild West, partner. Catherine: Okay, come on, Jim, give it up. I know you know something about Grissom and Lady Heather. Brass: I know something a lot juicier than Grissom and Lady Heath ... (They find Vernon Porter's body dead on the road. Brass has his gun out as they make their way toward the body.) Catherine: Oh, yeah, he's dead. Brass: He took one in the back. Catherine: Who shot the sheriff? [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERICAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN -- DAY] (Catherine snaps photos as David Phillips looks over Vernon Porter's body. Brass stands behind him and watches.) David Phillips: Bullet entered through his back. (He grunts as he lifts the body to check the back.) David Phillips: No exit wound. There's some swelling under his lip. (David checks and takes out a wad of chewing tobacco.) David Phillips: Ugh, disgusting. You get mouth cancer from this. Brass: David, hand me his cell phone. David Phillips: Sure. (David hands Brass the phone. Catherine removes Vernon's gun from his holster and looks at it.) Catherine: Ruger Single Six. Gun hasn't been fired. Brass: Guess who he called yesterday? (The list of RECENT CALLS are: Chloe Jones Christopher Jones Heather Kessler Chloe Jones ) Brass: Lady Heather. Catherine: Might have threatened her. Brass: And we both know how she likes to settle her own scores. I'm going to get a warrant, but it may take me some time because I have to find a judge who isn't a client of hers. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CAB CO. - GARAGE -- DAY] (Nick shows the cab photo of Faith Maroney sitting in the back seat to Chandru.) Nick: You sure you've never seen her before? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: No. Nick: You don't remember her at all? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: No, sir. Nick: That picture was taken by the camera inside your cab. Why don't you take another look? (He takes another look at the photo and still doesn't recognize her.) Nick: Recognize her now? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: You know, a lot of people get in my cab. There's always a big convention in town. Nick: Hey. Dru. I was born at night, but not last night, okay? I know you picked her up at the steakhouse. I know the last time she was seen alive was in your yellow cab. I know she was killed by a yellow car. I found blood on your front bumper. Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: (nods) Okay, I ... uh, I remember her now. She wanted to go to MGM. There is bad traffic, so she tells me to let her out. She wants to walk. Nick: Where'd you let her out? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: Near the Monte Carlo. Nick: Mr. Kambhatla, if I match the paint from your cab to the paint we found in her skull, do you realize how much trouble you're in? (He nods.) 'Cause I'm not sure you really do. Scotty. (The officer Scotty standing behind Chandru leads him out of the garage.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Archie goes over the stills from the taxicab security camera with Nick and Warrick.) Archie: The older types of cameras only take stills. They take them sequentially for twenty seconds any time a passenger door is opened. Warrick: Can you clarify the background? Archie: Yeah. (Archie enhances an outside bench taken from picture #1.) Nick: I recognize the graffiti on that bench. That's the street we found her on, right there. Warrick: So Mr. Kambhatla was lying. That's nowhere near the Monte Carlo. (Archie drags and drops another photo.) Warrick: Go back to number two. (Warrick sees something.) Warrick: The wallet in her hand is ... black. And her wallet was white. Nick: Go back, show me the last three photos, Archie. Archie: Yeah. (Archie goes back to the last three photos.) Archie: Okay, so he's looking at her. Looks down. He's looking for something. He looks up. Nick: (nods) Well, he's pissed. So she did snatch his wallet after all. Warrick: And he ran her down and took it back. Warrick: Well, we have him in custody. We have his wallet. Let's, uh, go see if her prints are on it. Nick: Yeah. Thanks, Arch. Archie: Yeah. (Warrick and Nick head out of the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN - SALOON -- DAY] (Sara takes photos of a bullet hole in the saloon glass window. Catherine walks in.) Sara: This window wasn't broken yesterday. And I got a bullet in a poker player. Catherine: Well, the one that killed Porter's still inside him. Porter was shot in the back. He was facing away from the saloon. (Quick flashback of: Vernon Porter walks down the street, his back to the saloon. He's shot in the back and falls down. End of flashback.) Catherine: To get to the window, this bullet had to be fired from the opposite direction. (Quick REWIND of Vernon Porter falling. A gun fires. The bullet zooms TOWARD Vernon Porter, misses him and hits the window and the poker player sitting at the table in front of the window. End of flashback.) Sara: There were two shooters. (Sara removes the bullet and looks at it.) Sara: Lead bullet. Cannelure. We're looking for a revolver. (Catherine looks out the window and sees the two signs for TRADING POST and GUN SLINGER MUSEUM.) [INT. OAKLEY'S OLD WEST TOWN - GUN SLINGER MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS] (Sara unlocks the door. She and Catherine walk into the GUN SLINGER MUSEUM. They look at the guns in the display case.) Catherine: Oh, wow. These look authentic. All revolvers. (Sara tries the display case door.) Sara: Case is unlocked. Catherine: I'll get the guns to ballistics. Sara: I'll process the ammo boxes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / TRACE LAB -- DAY] (Nick walks through the hallway. He's on the phone.) Nick: (to phone) Sofia, Faith Maroney's prints were found on the cab driver's wallet so there's your motive. No problem. (He hangs up.) (Nick walks into the lab. The printer prints and paper falls near him. Nick takes the printout Hodges holds for him because Hodge's is too busy working a Sudoku puzzle. Nick looks at the printout.) Nick: The paint from the dead girl's skull matched the paint on Chandru's cab. Hodges: Page two. Nick: The paint chips from the street are not a match to the paint chips from her skull. Are you sure about this? Hodges: I just finished a diabolical soduku in six minutes flat. I'm positive. Nick: Then what color were the other paint chips? Hodges: What did you have for lunch? I had a ham sandwich. Hmm? It's a clue. Your sandwich. (He points to the scope.) Nick: Oh. (Nick looks at the scope and sees the paint chip.) Hodges: The paint chips you collected are from two different cars, stuck together as a result of impact. Yellow paint, black paint, clear coat. The other half -- clear coat, black paint, yellow paint, clear coat, white. Nick: That's a lot of canary yellow and engine black. Cab-on-cab hate? Hodges: One half of the sandwich is from Dru's 29. Nick: What about the other half? Hodges: You're looking for a white Ford that's been repainted yellow and black. Nick: Sweet. I'm glad I figured that out. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins goes over Vernon Porter's body with Sara. The body is on its side as Sara and Robbins examines the entry wound.) Robbins: COD's a single gunshot wound to the lower lumbar region. Bullet entered here and then traveled slightly upward. Sara: Where is the bullet? Robbins: Well, that's the fun part. He didn't die from the initial wound. It entered through his back and then penetrated the inferior vena cava. (Quick flash of: The gunman fires. The bullet enters Vernon's back.) (ZOOM in through the body and follow the bullet through the vessel.) Robbins: (V.O.) It traveled through that vessel into his right lung. It's called a bullet embolus. (End of flash.) Robbins: And it's hard to find. Most medical examiners would have missed it. (Sara smiles and takes the container with the bullet inside from Robbins. She looks at the bullet.) Sara: Full metal jacket, nine millimeter. The bullet that I found at the saloon was from a revolver. Colt single-action Army. Robbins: (nods) The gun that won the West. That bullet is from a 20th Century, high-capacity, semi-automatic pistol. I ... see a lot of bullets. (Sara looks at the bullet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CAB CO. - GARAGE -- DAY] (Nick walks out of the office with a clipboard. He heads back to Warrick.) Nick: Well, it looks like Friendly bought a small fleet of white cabs from another company last year that went belly-up. Warrick: How small are we talking? (Nick hands the clipboard to Warrick.) Nick: Seventy-five. Warrick: Paint samples from 75 cabs? Well, we'll be back in the lab by next week. INSERT: VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF WARRICK AND NICK TAKING PAINT SAMPLES FROM THE TAXICABS. (Nick finds a cab with a scratched car door. He takes a swab sample from the front bender. He scrapes the paint down to the silver base.) Nick: Hey, Warrick. I got what looks like fresh damage over here. (Nick looks at the driver's license. It belongs to GUS DIFUSCO.) Nick: Do we know that guy? (Warrick walks over and checks the license.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Archie puts the video from the new cab security camera up on the monitor.) Archie: Gus's cab is equipped with a new camera. Video, not stills, motion-activated. Warrick: So the impact turns it on, huh? Nick: Freeze that and grab a number off that cab. (Archie highlights the number form the cab next to him and enhances the image. The cab is numbered 7029.) Warrick: 7029 -- that's Dru's cab. Nick: If Dru was dispatched, then what was Gus doing at that steakhouse? Warrick: Well, he had to be staging, trying to steal Dru's fare. Nick: Looks like Gus took the fight to the streets. He hit him again right there. Warrick: Whoa. (points) Well, that's the corner. Nick: And we know from the paint chips we found on the ground that Gus's cab collided with Dru's on that street. Warrick: Well, the airbags didn't deploy, so he must have been going under fifteen miles an hour. Archie: I can't see Dru's cab, so Gus must have rear-ended him when he was stopped. Nick: It's physics. Gus's cab transferred most of its energy into Dru's -- more than enough to launch him into the girl. Car bumpers are designed to absorb the impact from another vehicle, but the bumper hitting her? Would have been like a ... elephant hitting a flea. (Quick flash of: The taxi hits Faith. She screams and falls onto the road. End of flash.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1] (Warrick interviews Gus DiFusco.) Warrick: You were in the wrong. You were the one who was staging. So why road rage Mr. Kambhatla? Gus Difusco: Because he was gonna report it and get me fired. I'm two months from retirement. My wife's got MS. I need my health benefits. But I didn't hit that girl. He did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2] Nick: It's a bad neighborhood. Nothing's open out there. So why'd you drop her off? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: She was screaming at me, "Screw you, pull over." (Quick flash to: Faith is in the back seat of Chandru's taxi.) Faith Maroney: Let me out. Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: Sorry. Faith Maroney: You guys are crazy. I want out of this cab right now. (She's going to get out. He stops her.) Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: $6.25, please. Faith Maroney: (shakes her head) No way. I'm not paying for this ride. (Chandru realizes that she took his wallet.) Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: Hey, wait! You're a tease! Give me back my wallet! (She runs and trips over the side of the curb just as the other taxi rams into the back of Chandru's taxi.) (End of flashback.) Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: He tries to steal my fare. She tries to steal my wallet, and I am arrested. Nick: So why didn't you just report the accident? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: You hit a pedestrian, it is always your fault. Nick: Hey, you were stopped and Gus hit you, pushing your cab into her. Now, that's not your fault. Okay? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: Gus said it was. And he has been driving for thirty years. My cab hit her, so I am guilty. Nick: Yeah, well, Gus doesn't know the law, but I do. What else did he say to you? Mr. Kambhatla, this may be the last chance you have to tell me the truth, now. Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: We made a deal. Nick: Okay. Okay. What kind of deal? Chandru "Dru" Kambhatla: He said if I don't report him for staging, and hitting me, then he would keep quiet about me hitting the girl. And I can stay in this country ... with my mother and sisters. I need to be here to make money for them. I'm telling the truth now. Is going to be okay, right? Nick: No, sir, unfortunately, that's not the way it works. I've got you for obstruction, for fleeing the scene, and now you're an accessory. I'm sorry, man. I know you're confused, but ... you just made a deal with the wrong guy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LADY HEATHER'S RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Brass, Catherine and several officers arrive on Lady Heather's front door. Catherine knocks. Lady Heather opens the door.) Lady Heather: This isn't a good time. Brass: We have a warrant to search your house. And you'd better put some sunblock on because we're going downtown. Lady Heather: My memory isn't any better than it was yesterday. I'm not up to it. Brass: Well, we'll swing by the hospital. And you can explain to them why you checked yourself out early, against doctor's orders. Catherine: We're investigating a homicide. Lady Heather: I don't understand. Brass: Where were you last night? (She opens the door for them.) Lady Heather: You may come in. [INT. LADY HEATHER'S RESIDENCE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Catherine and Brass walk into the house.) Lady Heather: I was here. Brass: Can anyone verify that? Preferably someone not on the payroll. Lady Heather: Captain Brass would like to know where I was last night. (Catherine and Brass turn around. Grissom steps out into the room carrying a coffee cup.) Grissom: She was here ... with me. (Grissom takes a sip from his cup. Catherine turns and looks at Lady Heather. Everyone looks at each other.) (We hold on Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Catherine talks with Grissom.) Catherine: You were there all night. Want to explain why? Look, I know that you don't go home and cuddle your insects every single night, but why would you go there knowing that we're in the middle of an investigation? And now she's a prime suspect with you as her alibi. Grissom: It was a social call, that's all. (Grissom sits down.) Catherine: So, when your personal life gets tangled up in a case, that's off limits? Grissom: Yes. Catherine: Isn't that a little hypocritical? Grissom: Apparently so. Catherine: You know I'd slap you, but I think you'd enjoy it too much. Grissom: Look, I went to Heather's on a hunch. There's something not right with her. Catherine: (disgruntled) Your timing sucked. (Catherine notices the miniature on Grissom's desk.) Catherine: What's this? So now you're building your own? Grissom: Yeah. Keeps my hands busy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Brass talks with Lady Heather.) Lady Heather: You think I paid someone to kill Porter and then used Grissom as my alibi? Brass: And with your history, yes. How do you know Vernon Porter? Lady Heather: He did some work for me. I helped him get the job at Oakley's. Brass: You know what? That's the first thing you said to me that doesn't sound like a lie. What kind of work? Lady Heather: I needed to locate someone. Brass: So an ex-cop does some legwork for you. So what happened-- did you have a falling out or he threaten you? (She takes her phone out and lets Brass listen to the message.) Electronic Voice: (from phone) First skipped message. Received yesterday at 12:02 p.m. Vernon Porter: (from phone) Hey, Heather, Vernon. Looks like you got yourself into something. If you need anything, call me. Call me anyway. Let me know you're okay. Lady Heather: Does that sound like a man who wants to hurt me, Captain Brass? (She closes the phone.) Brass: Oh, I don't know, Heather. I don't know. I mean, you get assaulted at Old West Town where he works, he calls it in, then he ends up dead. What is it, just one big coincidence? Lady Heather: I already told you I was there on business. Mr. Porter had nothing to do with it. Brass: Yeah, but it was your business that got him killed. Come on, come on, we both know that you weren't there for some western hoedown. So what were you doing there? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY] (Catherine and Sara are at the table. Wendy walks in.) Wendy Simms: The semen on the tissue in the bathroom did not come from Vernon Porter. Catherine: Well, the underwear that I pulled from the toilet was a 38-inch waist. Porter was a 34. He didn't attack Heather. Sara: But we know he was there. Catherine: One of Heather's clients pays for a kinky Wild West fantasy only to discover he had an audience? Wendy Simms: Well, I don't want to derail this but why kill Porter and not go after Heather? Catherine: 'Cause she's not talking. Her business is based on discretion. Couldn't count on Porter's discretion. (Catherine's phone rings. She checks the message.) Sara: So this client goes back to Oakley's the next night and shoots Porter. Catherine: Oh, Mandy got a hit off the revolver and the ammo box. (Catherine's message reads: 2. MANDY GOT A HIT. SUSPECT BENJAMIN OAKLEY From: Mandy To: Catherine Received: 05/10 1:48 PM Catherine: Benjamin Oakley. Sara: His family owns the place. He had access. Catherine: Yeah, I'm calling Brass. (Catherine turns and heads out. Wendy also leaves the lab. Grissom walks in.) Catherine: (to Grissom) Sara will fill you in. (to phone) Hey, Jim ... (Grissom looks at Sara.) Sara: We may have a suspect. (Sara gathers up the photos from the table. Grissom watches her for a moment.) Grissom: I'm the only one Heather trusts. Sara: I get it. Grissom: Sara ... Sara: Yeah? (Grissom looks like he wants to say more.) Sara: It's fine. Do what you need to do. (Sara takes the photos and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Grissom is reading TEXTBOOK OF PSYCHIATRY. He's reading Chapter 9, "Mood disorders, suicide and parasuicide.") (Quick flashback to: Lady Heather talks with Grissom.) Lady Heather: When the submissive accepts they're in control, that's when they embrace their true power. They can say "stop." They can choose to either end the pain or continue enduring it. But ... higher consciousness doesn't negate our animal instinct to survive. (End of flashback.) (Judy startles Grissom.) Judy Tremont: Dr. Grissom, you requested a custody file from the court. (She hands him the file.) Grissom: Thank you, Judy. Judy Tremont: I'm assuming it's for your investigation into the Miniature Killer. Everybody in the lab believes you're gonna get him. (She smiles and gives him two thumbs up. He nods. She leaves the office.) (Grissom looks at the papers: HEATHER KESSLER, PETITIONER VS. JEROME KESSLER, RESPONDENT FOCUS ON THE WORDS: DENIES VISITATION RIGHTS TO PETITIONER, DISSOLVE TO: MORE WORDS MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER, HEATHER KESSLER DISSOLVE TO: MORE WORDS FULL CUSTODY AWARDED TO JEROME KESSLER, MATERNAL GRANDFATHER OF THE CHILD. QUICK FLASH TO: (There are two framed photos on the mantle. The first is of Heather and her daughter, Zoe. Grissom picks up a second framed photo of Jerome Kessler with the baby girl. The photo appears to be taken without their knowledge.) Lady Heather: She's all I have left of Zoe. (Quick flashback to: Scene from 6X15: Pirates of the Third Reich) [INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Zoe's body is on the table. Lady Heather caresses her daughter's cheek.) Lady Heather: Can you tell if she's ever given birth? Robbins: There was some scarring on her pelvic bones, but given the condition of the body, it's hard to say for sure. (Quick flash to: CU: THE PHOTO OF JEROME AND THEIR GRANDDAUGHTER.) Grissom: This is your granddaughter. Did you take this picture? Lady Heather: I hired someone to find her. I can't give her love, but I can give her the freedom to be who she wants to be. (End of flashback.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. PARK -- DAY] (Grissom talks with Jerome Kessler.) Jerome Kessler: Is this official police business? Grissom: No. Jerome Kessler: Did Heather send you? Grissom: No, I'm just a friend of hers. Jerome Kessler: Did she tell you about me? Grissom: Not really. Jerome Kessler: We were married very young. Didn't last long. Heather left without telling me she was pregnant. I wasn't aware I had a child until after Zoe was already dead. (Grissom nods and looks over at Alison playing on a blanket.) Grissom: That's Zoe's daughter, Heather's granddaughter. Jerome Kessler: Her name is Alison. So why are you here? Grissom: I'm just trying to understand what's happening to her. (Alison walks up to Jerome to hand him something. He leans forward and listens to her childish babbling.) Grissom: I'm aware that the court has denied her visitation rights. Jerome Kessler: Wouldn't you? Grissom: I'm not sure. (Jerome is quiet.) Has Heather tried to give you any money for Alison? Jerome Kessler: Yes, the day before yesterday I got a call from the bank. Heather had set up a very generous trust fund for her, no strings attached. I assumed she sold her house. Grissom: Can you tell me how much? Jerome Kessler: $843,508. I know Heather had closed her business a few months ago, trying to convince the judge she'd be a fit guardian, so it had to be from the sale. Grissom: I wonder if she calculated the exact amount it would cost to raise a child and put her through college, especially at Harvard. That's where she sent Zoe. But it wasn't her house that she sold. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Catherine and Brass interview Benjamin Oakley.) Catherine: You took a shot at Porter. Brass: That's attempted murder. Your dad's not going to like that, Benny. (Catherine shows him the warrant.) Catherine: This is a warrant for your DNA. Benjamin Oakley: Why do you need my DNA? Catherine: To prove that you also attacked Heather Kessler. Brass: And that makes two attempted murders. And that adds up to a lot of jail time, bud. Catherine: Open up. Benjamin Oakley: I didn't touch her, okay? I didn't kill Porter. Brass: What do you want, a gold star for being a bad shot? Benjamin Oakley: (sighs) Porter knew I lied. He wanted fifty grand to keep his mouth shut. And I was gonna pay him. I went to the bank to get the money, but somebody drained the account. (Quick flash to: [BANK] Benjamin goes to the bank. The transfer amount on the screen is for: $843,508.00. The remaining balance is for: $31,053.86.) Benjamin Oakley: There was a million dollars in that account last week. Who authorized the transfer? Bank Officer: (o.s.) Jack Oakley. (End of flashback.) Benjamin Oakley: I went there to kill my father. (Quick flashback to: [INT. GUN SLINGER MUSEUM] Benjamin opens the display case and takes a gun out.) Benjamin Oakley: (V.O.) I knew he was going to meet Heather, but for some reason, she didn't show. And Porter got up the courage to ask my dad for the money. He'd seen my father with Heather. (Cut to: Jack and Vernon argue in the street.) Jack Oakley: You sick b*st*rd! Vernon Porter: You got 24 hours, then I turn you in! (Vernon takes a couple steps out and stops when he sees Benjamin exit the museum.) (A gun fires. Porter falls to show Jack with the smoking gun in his hand.) (Benjamin raises the gun and points it at his father. Jack advances on Benjamin. Benjamin fires wildly and hits the glass in the saloon.) (Jack walks up to Benjamin.) Benjamin Oakley: (V.O.) The Marquis de Sade's got nothing on my old man. Inflicting pain is his idea of foreplay. Jack Oakley: You're your mother's son, not mine. (End of flashback.) Benjamin Oakley: Do you know how much money he spent abusing women? He didn't leave anything for my mother and me except for more abuse. It had to stop. Brass: Where is he? Benjamin Oakley: His phone's off; every time his phone's off, he's with her. Brass: Is he at the saloon? Benjamin Oakley: No, he wouldn't do that, not after Porter. Brass: He's got to be at Heather's. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HEATHER'S PLACE -- DAY] (The officer puts the cuffs on Jack Oakley.) Brass: So your sick fantasy was to kill her. Benjamin Oakley: I didn't do anything. She solicited me. Strictly a business deal. She needed the money. I paid her close to $1 million for this, you know that? That's about all I'm gonna say. I'll be talking with my lawyer. (The officers leave with Jack.) Brass: Too bad you spent the million. You could use it on your defense. (Brass turns to look at Lady Heather sitting in her chair.) Brass: Look, Heather, for what it's worth, I think you're in the clear. The DA's not gonna press charges. Attempted murder, assisted suicide, the lines are kind of blurred. But do yourself a favor. Get some help. (Heather doesn't say anything.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HEATHER'S RESIDENCE -- DAY] (The officers escort Jack to the car and put him in the back seat.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The officer cars leave. The place is quiet and empty.) Cue Sound: KNOCKING [EXT. HEATHER'S RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - DAY] (Heather opens the door. Grissom smiles at her.) Heather: Leave me alone. I didn't ask you to save me. Grissom: I know. What am I supposed to do? I'm your friend. Besides, there's someone I want you to meet. (He motions for her to step outside. He takes her hand and she joins him on the porch.) (Jerome Kessler walks toward her with Alison in his arms.) (Heather looks at Grissom, then goes to meet her grand-daughter.) Heather: Hi. (Grissom watches them.)
Plan: A: Lady Heather; Q: Who is found injured after a meeting with a client? A: self defense; Q: What did Lady Heather not react to when she was assaulted? A: the crime scene; Q: Where do Brass and Catherine find one of the security guards dead? A: Warrick; Q: Along with Nick, who investigates the death of a woman? A: a woman; Q: Whose body is found on a street? A: further investigation; Q: What reveals that the woman was hit by a car? A: a car; Q: What hit the woman in the head? Summary: Lady Heather returns when she is found injured after a meeting with a client. She was assaulted, but she didn't react in self defense. When Brass and Catherine come back to the crime scene, they find one of the security guards dead. Meanwhile, Nick and Warrick investigate when the body of a woman is found on a street; further investigation reveals that she was hit in the head by a car.
"The Boy in the Time Capsule" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (The class of 1987 is gathered at Foot Hill High School to open a time capsule that was buried 20 years prior.) TERRY STINSON: Our time capsule was buried in 1987. The year the Dow closed above 2000 for the first time. Regan told Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. WOMAN IN CROWD: Uh, you had a huge crush on LaToya Jackson. TERRY: I did. MAN IN CROWD: You can't complain, Stinston. You married the head cheerleader.TERRY: Lucky I did. And now we have a wonderful kid who's a Senior, right here at Foot Hill. Alex, take a bow. (Alex, who is digging up the time capsule - nods and waves) TERRY: Anyhow, we're here today to open the time capsule that we buried 20 years ago, so we can see who we were and how the heck we all got to where we are today. ALEX: (hitting something under the dirt) Found it! WOMAN IN CROWD: (to Janelle) 20 years. JANELLE: Mmm. WOMAN IN CROWD: Do you even remember what you put in there? JANELLE: Bad perm and pink leg warmers, probably. (Terry and a cop are opening the capsule) TERRY: Here we go. (As he opens it - there is a horrible smell and it's full of liquid. Everyone turns away.) TERRY: Oh, what the hell, Bill. I thought you said this thing was water tight. GIL: It should have been and it's Gil, not Bill. TERRY: Let's see what we got here. (He reaches in with a crow bar and pulls out a skull.) (Cut to: Some time later, Booth & Brennan arrive) BOOTH: Wow. Now this is a sweet field. This is what I'm talking about, right. I mean, it's nothing like ours but hey, that didn't stop me from being MVP my Senior year. Got the trophy. Touchdown! BRENNAN: In certain tribes in the African subcontinent, piercings serve as a reminder - like your trophy - of the power and agility which has since faded away. BOOTH: What do you mean fade away...Woah! Time out. Can we just concentrate on the case. (to officer) What do we got here? POLICE OFFICER: We were all gathered for the opening. We had, uh, no idea that that thing was in there. BOOTH: (whistles) Whoa. That is rank. POLICE OFFICER: I was just expecting to see my 10,000 Maniacs album. GIL: That was not there. BOOTH: Who are you? GIL: I'm Gil Bates. I- I sealed it myself. I used a propoline seal and industrial bolt lags . BRENNAN: (looking at skull) Adolescent Caucasian male. Late teens, early 20's. BOOTH: Alright, so..what do you say we just pack it all up and ship it back to the Jeffersonian. GIL: OH, I'm sorry. That's not a good idea. You see, the water has compromised they structural integrity of the case so- BOOTH: Would you look at this, Bones. Another nerd for your squint squad. BRENNAN: Drill. BOOTH: Drill. Drill? Whoa, wait a second. You're gonna drill right here? What about taking it all back to the Jeffersonian? BRENNAN: Tub. (She takes the drill and makes a hole in the side of the capsule - draining the liquid into the bucket.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - a video is playing that was found in the capsule of its burial. The class of 1987 is gathered around the capsule, placing items inside)(on video) YOUNG JANELLE: A 1987 Foot Hill year book, of course. YOUNG TERRY: How about the ghetto blaster. YOUNG ROGER: Rubik's Cube. YOUNG POLICE OFFICER: How 'bout this CD- YOUNG ROGER: In 20 years, they'll be able to fit hundreds of those on a microchip. (Camera pulls back to revel Brennan watching the video as Zack is examining some remains) ZACK: Victim had several antimortem fractures to his sternum as well as several antimortem fractures to the lateral sections of his ribs. BRENNAN: All healed? ZACK: All healed at different times. I had a Michael Jackson glove. I've never mentioned that before. HODGINS: (entering platform) I loved Chevy Chase. We all have our crosses to bear. BRENNAN: The fracture on the right clavicle, is fresh. Well, was. 20 years ago. HODGINS: (watching video) Whoa. Mullet alert. CAM: (entering platform) Woo. That's a nasty one. Booth got a list of all the students who didn't make it to the capsule opening and he's pulling names of anyone connected to the school in 1987 who had a record. ANGELA: Oh my god. I'm getting flashbacks to braces and stirrup pants and a really, really bad side ponytail. HODGINS: Certainly grew out of it. I wore Doc Martens that weighted more than I did. BRENNAN: Apparently, Booth was fine. He was a football player. ANGELA: Right. He was one of THOSE guys. Well, this guy (she hold up a sketch) certainly wasn't hanging out with the cheerleaders but I bet he had some love notes stashed away in his Space Balls binder. ZACK: I think I saw him in the video. CAM: Roger Dillon. (she holds up a yearbook) Class of 1987. ZACK: Here he is. (he rewinds the video tape and shows a piece of it) BRENNAN: How did Roger get from there (pointing to video tape) to here. (pointing to time capsule.) (Opening Credits) ACT I (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform) HODGINS: Ran a sample of the sludge. ZACK: Organic matter. CAM: Or you can call him, Roger. HODGINS: Oh, come on. When you can ladle someone, he's a little less than a person. Don't you think? (Cam gives him a look) Fine. I took a sample of Roger, ran it through the mass spectrometer. You never guess what I found. Traces of an unidentified organophosphate. CAM: Nerve gas? HODGINS: Very good. I'll break down the rest of the chemicals now. ZACK: The victim also had a perimortem fracture on his wrist. There are indications of a grate to a chromioclavicular joint separation but it was certainly not lethal. CAM: I've seen it before. Someone twisted the victims arm behind his back, forcefully. HODGINS: So he got beat up for his lunch money? ZACK: Violent students are the hallmark of a school yard. I speak from experience...(he pauses) However, these fractures on his ribs predate high school. CAM: So, he might have had some trouble at home. (Cut to: The Dillon Family House. Booth and Brennan are questioning Mr. Dillon.) BOOTH : I don't understand, Mr. Dillon, why you never reported your son missing? MR. DILLON: His mother told me Roger ran away. BRENNAN: You weren't concerned that you're son never contacted you again? MR. DILLON: He didn't live with me. He didn't want to. BRENNAN: Because of the physical abuse. MR. DILLON: Yeah. I was a drinker in those days. And I understood why he wanted to just write me off but I cared about him. I was sick. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw Roger? MR. DILLON: It was the night of his high school graduation. He came over here afterwards, asking me for money. A lot. BRENNAN: You threw him out of the house with his arm twisted behind his back. MR. DILLON: I swear he..he got up and he walked away. Now this was 20 years ago. What's this all about? BOOTH: Roger is dead, Mr. Dillon. BRENNAN: His remains were found yesterday. MR. DILLON: Oh...God. BOOTH: Found him at the high school. He's been in a time capsule for 20 years. Any idea why he needed the money? MR. DILLON: Wouldn't say. Guess it was so he could run away. You should talk to Gil. He was Roger's best friend. BOOTH: Gil Bates? MR. DILLON: Yeah. BOOTH: That's the Tech Town guy. MR. DILLON: Yeah. They did everything together. BOOTH: We'll be in touch. (They turn and head down the porch stairs) MR. DILLON: (calling after them) I'm different now. (they stop and turn to him) I'm sober. I never...I never wanted to hurt him. I loved Roger. BOOTH: Right. (they continue down the path to the car) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform.) HODGINS: The kid basically melted into all of this. Should be able to pull more chemical traces off the artifacts to ID the organophosphate on him. ANGELA: (pulling items out of the time capsule) Beta. St. Elmo's Fire. CAM: It's on the list. ANGELA: One yearbook. Foothill High School. 1987. CAM: (looking over a list of items) Check. Dehydrate and scan. ANGELA: (reading from yearbook) "Have a great summer. Don't ever change." Remember those days? CAM: I remember getting grounded every weekend. So many rules to break, so little time. HODGINS: You were the nerd fantasy. ANGELA: I was all about Barbie. HODGINS: She was my first anatomy lesson - was confused for years. CAM: What about Ken? I felt so sorry for him. ANGELA: Floppy disk the size of a dinner plate. CAM: Bingo, baby. The disk is not on the list. HODGINS: (taking the disk from Angela) Wow. What are you? A Term paper. Launch codes. CAM: We need to pull the data (to Angela) Do you think you're up to it? ANGELA: I can try. (still digging in capsule) A hockey skate? And it looks like it's signed. CAM: Check on the skate. Belonged to some jock named John Adamson. ANGELA: A can of new Coke. HODGINS: Definitely an 80's plot to destabilize the country. CAM: Another check. ANGELA: And a pocket watch. CAM: A watch is not on the list. (Hodgins takes it and opens it) HODGINS: It's a Wallingham. It's nice. ANGELA: Computer disk and a pocket watch. What was our little geek into. HODGINS: It's dry. This is a good watch. Some kind of residue. CAM: Could it help ID the poison? HODGINS: Let me at it. (he walks away with the watch) (Cut to Booth's Car.) BRENNAN: Roger's father had no trouble getting physical so why would he resort to poisoning his son with a nerve agent? BOOTH: What sort of teenager were you, Bones? BRENNAN: He did have a series of odd jobs. Perhaps he procured the poison from one of them. BOOTH: Come on. You have to at least had one good story before you pasted on the lab coat. BRENNAN: I was busy. Studying. BOOTH: And in all those hours of studying, you never came across one hormone? BRENNAN: Fine. There was one boy. Andy Fluger. He was the Varsity Lacrosse captain. BOOTH: Did you kiss the Varsity Lacrosse captain? BRENNAN: I was weighing the pros and cons when he became my secret Santa. BOOTH: I thought you hated secret Santa. BRENNAN: Yes! Because he taped the gift to my locker. Everyone saw it. Teenagers can be cruel. BOOTH: What was it? BRENNAN: Doesn't matter. BOOTH: Come on, Bones. BRENNAN: You promise not to laugh? BOOTH: I promise! I'm your partner. BRENNAN: It was a Brainy Smurf. (Booth snorts) You said you wouldn't laugh. BOOTH: (trying to hold back laughter) I'm not laughing. Brainy Smurf, huh? BRENNAN: What? It was deliberate. He knew I wanted Smurfette! (Booth continues to laugh) Okay, it's clear you find this amusing. BOOTH: (laughing) I'm not laughing. I'm not. What? (Brennan is not amused) BRENNAN: You know, Angela was right. You were one of "those guys". BOOTH: What? One of what guys? (Cut to FBI Headquarters - Booth's office. Booth & Brennan are talking with Gil Bates) GIL: That was Roger in the time capsule? (Brennan nods) I saw his skull. Omg, I saw his skull. BRENNAN: He's been there since 1987. GIL: No. Roger took off. He left a note. BOOTH: A note? GIL: Graduation night he left his mom a note saying that he hated it here and he was running away. BOOTH: Yeah, and he went to his father's house to ask for money. Do you know why? GIL: All I know is that his mom said was in the note he left, so... BOOTH: Gil. His mother is dead and his father never say it so - BRENNAN: So, you're the only connection we have to the note. GIL: It said, uh, you know that he couldn't be around his dad anymore or the kids at school. They picked on him. They use to pick on me too. I guess he just couldn't take it. Why wouldn't he'd just ask for help? He was my best friend. I always thought that I see him again. I can't believe I'll never see him again. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Cam's office. Hodgins enters.) HODGINS: Alright. I found several denim fibers on both the gold watch and the floppy, matching what's left of the victims classic acid washed 80's jeans. That places the watch and the disk inside the victims pocket at the time of his murder. I tested the residue inside the watch casing? Pure crystalline tropane alkaloid. CAM: Roger Dillon had a pocket watch full of cocaine? HODGINS: So Miami Vice I could roll up my sleeves.CAM: The FBI sent us the files of everyone connected to the school who had a record. Mostly petty thefts, DUI's - that sort of thing. (she checks the computer) Darwin Banks. Teacher at Foothill High. Arrested in a school wide drug bust - June 12, 1987. HODGINS: That's two days after Roger disappeared. CAM: And Roger needed money. HODGINS: Looks like our young geek might have been killed over a drug deal. ACT II (Cut to FBI Headquarters - Booth's Office. Booth is talking with Darwin Banks.) BOOTH: You remember Roger Dillon? BANKS: Foothill High, right? I was his Science teacher. Smart kid. Could have taught the class. BOOTH: Well, he's dead. We found him stuffed into the Foothill's time capsule. Been there since 1987. BANKS: Gosh. BOOTH: Says here in the yearbook that you were the faculty advisor to the Time Capsule Committee. BANKS: You've got to be kidding. BOOTH: I usually don't joke around when a 17 year old boy's been murdered. Found evidence of cocaine on him? BANKS: Roger? No. That kid was clean. The only way he got high was sitting in front of his computer, writing code. BOOTH: Alright, so help me out here because in '87 you were arrested at the high school for dealing? BANKS: I wasn't dealing. I was just out of college. I had two joints on me. BOOTH: And 4oz in your apartment. BANKS: I was 23. We all do crazy stuff when we're kids. BOOTH: Exactly. BANKS: I have my own business now. A wife and two kids. I'm in the Rotary Club for god sakes. BOOTH: Well, we know that Roger needed money. Maybe he started dealing for you and he wanted a bigger payout. Threatened to turn you in if he didn't get it, so you killed him. BANKS: I didn't kill him and Roger didn't rat me out. It was Adamson. John Adamson. An entitled ass even at 17. I caught him cheating and the next thing that I know? The cops are knocking on my classroom door. He just wanted to discredit me so he could retake the test. BOOTH: Right, so you're the victim with the 4oz of weed. Can you confirm your whereabouts on June 14, 1987? BANKS: If I'm such a big, drug dealing, liar - why would I tell you the truth? BOOTH: Because you don't want to go to jail for killing Roger Dillon. (Cut to Sweets office. Booth and Brenna are their for their counseling session) BOOTH: Come on, Sweets! Just, come on! You've done a lot of psychological profiling! The case is twenty years old. We just need some help. SWEETS: That's not why we're here today, Agent Booth. This hour is for you and Dr. Brennan. BOOTH: Oh, she's not gonna mind. It's only going to take 5 minutes. Okay? 1987. Suburban kid is killed and stuffed into a time capsule. (Brennan looks at Booth, annoyed) Fascinating, right? What kind of person would do that? SWEETS: (ignoring Booth, to Brennan) So have any conflicts or issues arisen since our last session? BRENNAN: Well - BOOTH: (interrupting) Bones and I are doing just great. SWEETS: You look angry, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: (frustrated) I told Agent Booth a private story about my childhood and he laughed. BOOTH: What? No. I - (to Brennan in a half whisper) I was appreciating it. Don't get him involved. BRENNAN: Snorting does not suggest appreciation. BOOTH: It was about a cartoon character from the 1980's! I didn't think you'd be so sensitive. SWEETS: Well, childhood icons have great significance to us, Agent Booth. Alright. I, myself, was very attached to Voltron. (Booth and Brennan just look at him) Cartoon. BOOTH: Voltron? SWEETS: You're hurt, Dr. Brennan, because you feel you opened yourself up to Agent Booth and he betrayed that trust. BOOTH: You're talking about a Smurf. BRENNAN: (defensive) Smurfette. SWEETS: Perhaps a way to bring this relationship back into symmetry is if you reveal a childhood story about yourself. Show your vulnerability to Dr. Brennan. BOOTH: No. You know what? This is crazy. It's - it's not right. Tell him that it's not right. BRENNAN: Is it? BOOTH: Oh! You're on his side. Why don't you go play Voltron with him. SWEETS: You were "that guy" weren't you, Agent Booth. You were the golden boy who could get away with anything just by turning on the charm. BOOTH: That's ridiculous. You don't even know who I am. SWEETS: Could it be that you're still holding on to that persona. That you're afraid to reveal yourself? BOOTH: I'm an FBI Agent. I get shot at everyday. I'm not afraid of anything. SWEETS: Okay, this is obviously very difficult for you but you shouldn't be ashamed to ask for help. (Booth looks over at Brennan) BRENNAN: You shouldn't. BOOTH: Okay. Okay. I apologize. I do. I need help - (he pauses, and Sweets finally thinks he's had a breakthrough) - with this case. So, while you review this, I will reveal myself to Bones. (Booth places his hand on Brennan's leg - Sweets takes notice) I know that sounded weird, but you know what I mean. BRENNAN: So you will share an emotionally humiliating episode from your youth with me. BOOTH: Yeah. I - I have 'em. Here. (He hands the file to Sweets) SWEETS: (taking the file) Alright, excellent. Now, for the remainder of our time, let's role play. BOOTH: (putting on a hat) Now I know why I'm not allowed to bring my gun in here. (Sweets nods and laughs) (Cut to Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform. Cam & Hodgins are entering.) HODGINS: I tested the goop. Found traces of cocaine consistent with the leakage from the gold watch. CAM: But when I checked the results against samples of his hair and bones they came out negative. Roger didn't do drugs. HODGINS: So his old teacher was telling the truth? Huh. I also discovered what he was dosed with and how much. CAM: What? HODGINS: Malaoxon. CAM: Malaoxon? (They leave the platform) HODGINS: Yeah. CAM: It's neurotoxic in high doses. HODGINS: Yeah, but there's barely enough to make a mouse cough. CAM: So our theory about poisoning is incorrect. (Zack approaches them) ZACK: Dr. Saroyan. I found an anomaly on the victims skull. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Bone Room. Cam & Zack enter.) ZACK: When I was cleaning the skull, I found a tiny irregularly on the under surface of the victims mandible. Magnified, it proved to be a tiny, but sharply defined fracture. Judging by it's location, it appears that a weapon was thrust into the neck, cutting through the sternocleidomastoid and severing both the corroded artery and jugular vein. CAM: Which means Roger must have bled out. Have you determined a weapon? ZACK: Judging by the microscopic crushing of the bone, the weapon was neither too sharp nor too blunt. It certainly wasn't an edged weapon. CAM: So, it wasn't a knife. ZACK: Correct. However, it left an odd textural stain in the crevice. I've taken a sample and will hand it over to Hodgins for testing. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela is showing Hodgins the computer) ANGELA: This little darling, is a Commodore Amiga with a Motorola 6800 chip set using a homemade operation system. I got it from the computer exhibit on the 3rd floor. I used to have this exact computer. (she puts the floppy disk in the drive) HODGINS: My geek princess. (he kisses her neck) I knew the mall couldn't suck out your soul. (An early version of a First person shooter game appears on the screen) ANGELA: Hey. Look at that. HODGINS: Oh. Oh, this is incredible. ANGELA: This is like a primitive Doom. HODGINS: Yeah, you don't see anything wrong with that? Doom came out in 1993. All of this stuff - the 3D rendering, the first person shooting - barely a glints in the geeks eye in 1987. ANGELA: So Roger was way ahead of his time. HODGINS: If this game had come out in 1987, Roger Dillon would have been a billionaire, several times over. ANGELA: And money is always a good motive for murder. (The WARSTRIKE main screen is shown on the computer screen.) (Cut to: FBI - Coffee Area. Booth and Brennan are getting coffee.) BRENNAN: Pretty sure that Sweets would say a lost baseball game - is not personal or revealing. BOOTH: Football, Bones. Okay. It's Football. Oh, okay. I got one. Alright, personally, between two people or revealing like, uh...aha! (he whispers) naked? BRENNAN: That's very literal. BOOTH: There was this girl, Karen Eisley, and we were under the bleachers one night - personally.. With me? BRENNAN: Got it. You were having s*x, in the dirt, under the bleachers. BOOTH: Excuse me, I'm a gentleman. I brought my sleeping bag. BRENNAN: Did you fail to perform sexually? BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Cause that might actually count as a humiliation. (she walks past him) BOOTH: Will you just wait. Will you just - (he starts sprinting after her, stopping her.) - allow me to tell my story. BRENNAN: Fine. BOOTH: Thank you. Alright, so this girl had this game where she would ask me a question- BRENNAN: (interrupting) What kind of question? BOOTH: It doesn't matter - okay, so if I got the question wrong I'd have to take off a piece of my clothing. Of course, I knew all the answers but I pretended that I didn't. BRENNAN: So you could take off your clothes. BOOTH: Exactly. No. The point is I'm standing there, ya know, in my socks and my St. Christopher medal - she runs off. She runs off with the sleeping bag and all my clothes and I'm standing there, starko- BRENNAN: Well, why did she do that? BOOTH: Well, I suppose she heard I was under the bleachers with another girl the week before... BRENNAN: Okay, this is a story about sexual prowess, Booth. You're bragging. BOOTH: (laughing) I had to run across the campus buck naked. BRENNAN: You're laughing about it now. You enjoyed displaying your pen1s. It showed alpha male mastery. Only one other person knew about Brainy Smurf. It was my mother. (she takes off into his office) BOOTH: (he starts after her again) It's cold. Okay. It's was cold. Do you know what happens to a guy when it is cold (he notices Gil sitting in his office) outside. (to Gil.) Hi. GIL: Hi. Can we make this quick? My boss doesn't understand why I keep leaving and he's kind of a jerk. So. BOOTH: What do you know about, uh, Warstrike? GIL: Wow. I haven't heard that name in a long time. BRENNAN: We found it on a disk in the time capsule. It was on Roger when he was killed. GIL: My god. BOOTH: So you knew about it? GIL: Yeah, but only as a drawing in his notebook. I didn't know he'd written a code. BOOTH: Yeah, well according to an expert at the Jeffersonian, someone could make a lot of money off it. GIL: We planned to. We were gonna start a gaming business after graduation. Roger was the brains and I was the business guy. Wait a minute. You saw the game? It worked? BRENNAN: If you were partners, why wouldn't he tell you that? GIL: He was a perfectionist. He would never show me anything unless he thought it was perfect. BOOTH: Yeah, well maybe he was trying to make a deal with someone else.GIL: No. No way. We were partners, okay? Best friends our whole lives. Roger would never sell me out like that. We were saving up to buy new computers to create a 3-D rendering farm. BRENNAN: Computers were expensive back then. Where were you gonna get the money? GIL: We both worked. I paved driveways and Roger worked a shift at a roller rink. BOOTH: Hey, I scraped grills at a Burger Shack for $3.55 an hour. That's humiliating. BRENNAN: Nice try. GIL: Roger, he made extra money, um, tutoring that cheerleader, Janelle, in math and he got paid to take the SAT's for some coke head hockey player. The kid got into Harvard off Roger's scores. BOOTH: Coke head? What's his name? GIL: John Adamson. He's a real nasty piece of work. (Cut to: Booth's Car.) BOOTH: (into phone) Great. Thanks. (he hangs the phone up.) John Adamson was the star hockey player at Foothill. Barely graduated from Harvard. Took 5 years. BRENNAN: He got in by cheating. He didn't deserver to be there. BOOTH: Maybe Roger was blackmailing Adamson about the SAT scam. BRENNAN: So, Adamson killed him? BOOTH: Could a hockey skate have killed the kid? I mean, Adamson's was in the time capsule. BRENNAN: Metal skate blade could easily cut right through the jugular and the edge could create a sharply defined fracture. BOOTH: Well, there ya go. He had a motive and a weapon. (Cut to: Restaurant. Booth and Brennan enter - looking for Adamson. The waiter shows Booth and Brennan where Adamson is sitting. ) WAITER: (to Booth) That table. Waiting over there.(whispering to each other as they head towards Adamson's table) BOOTH: You could at least give him twenty bucks. Tip him. BRENNAN: Why am I suppose to do that? BOOTH: Grease the palm. BRENNAN: No. BOOTH: I just - (sighs. They stop whispering as they reach the table) John Adamson? FBI Agent Seely Booth. I'd like to ask you a few questions. Have a seat, Bones. (They sit down.) ADAMSON: Senator expects me to concentrate on running his campaign, Agent Booth. I hope this isn't going to be a waste of my time. BOOTH: Take a look at that. (Booth takes out a picture of Gill Bates and Roger Dillon.) BOOTH: Do you remember Gilbert Bates or Roger Dillon from high school? ADAMSON: No, I'm sorry. Not the name Gilbert Bates nor Roger Dillon means anything to me. BRENNAN: This boy - was found inside the time capsule dead. You might've heard about that. ADAMSON: Like I said, I've been busy with the senator's campaign. BOOTH: Right, cause this kid (points to the picture of Gil) said that this guy (points to the picture of Roger) took the SAT for you. Got you into Harvard? ADAMSON: SAT's didn't get me into Harvard, Agent Booth. My slap shot did that. BRENNAN: So you don't deny that Roger Dillon took the test for you? ADAMSON: Total cooperation. We keep my sordid academic past in the past? BOOTH: Sure. ADAMSON: I paid Roger two hundred bucks to take the test for me. It was a done deal. Two weeks later, he comes knocking at my door, saying if I don't cough up another $500, he'll rat me out. BOOTH: Roger tell you why he needed the money? ADAMSON: Nope. Just that a guy like me wouldn't understand. I gave him all the cash I had. Maybe $90 and my watch. BRENNAN: The watch with the hidden compartment for cocaine? ADAMSON: I don't know what you're talking about. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT III (CUT TO: Medico Legal Lab - Brennan's Office) (Sweets is sitting on the couch reading Booth's report while Brennan stands near him, clearing her throat.) SWEETS: What? BRENNAN: You're a very slow reader, Dr. Sweets. SWEETS: I'm afraid Agent Booth's report on Mr. Adamson is more revealing of Agent Booth than it is of Adamson.BRENNAN: Really? Why? SWEETS: That's for Agent Booth to share but I've seen John Adamson on TV enough to know that while he's harmful to the political process, he's not homicidal. He's too sensitive. BRENNAN: A horny, cocaine-snorting, jock, party boy is sensitive? SWEETS: Yes, definitely. And emotionally immature, totally dependent upon external validation. Cheap and greedy, too. They're always cheap and greedy. BRENNAN: You got all this off TV? SWEETS: The point is, at the age of 17, John Adamson gave Roger Dillon money and a watch. If he had killed Roger, he would have taken his watch back. BRENNAN: Very convincing.(She takes the file.) The watch part anyway. SWEETS: All that insight into the intangible enigma of human behavior, and ya zone in on the banal and tangible. (Hodgins walks in.) HODGINS: I bring more banal and tangible evidence. SWEETS: Wow. With you people, it's really go, go, go, isn't it? HODGINS: We're catching murderers. SWEETS: And that is so dope, alright? I'm running up a profile right now to help. I love being in the field. (Sweets heads to the door to leave) HODGINS: Uh, you're in a secure lab. SWEETS: Dude, for eight hours a day, I'm surrounded by neurotics. Okay, to me, this is fieldwork. (realizing that Brennan is one of his patients.) Uh, no offense, Dr. Brennan. I'll finish the profile. (Sweets leaves.) HODGINS: Anywho, we've determined that the malaoxon in the Roger stew was originally the common organophosphate pesticide, malathion, before it broke down. BRENNAN: How common? HODGINS: There was this 1980's mosquito panic, and malathion was sprayed everywhere. Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services says there was a quadrant bordering Foothill High School that was sprayed at 7:45 PM on Thursday, June 14, 1987. BRENNAN: Whoa. Why'd they keep such detailed records? HODGINS: Spraying aerial neurotoxins in an attempt to kill creatures that outlive atomic bombs tends to make bureaucrats consider possible lawsuits, I guess. (Brennan looks up the map of the area on the computer.) BRENNAN: It's a housing development. HODGINS: Yes, but in 1987, it was mostly a swamp. The development was under construction. There were only a few finished homes. BRENANN: Could the wind have blown the insecticide onto Roger? HODGINS: In this concentration, Roger had to have been wading right through the middle of it. BRENNAN: Why would he do that? HODGINS: There's only one reason. A girl. BRENNAN: What are you basing that on? HODGINS: I was a boy. And I searched the 1987 real estate records. Guess who lived in one of the only finished houses. Janelle Brown, head cheerleader. BRENNAN: He was tutoring her in math. HODGINS: Exactly. BRENNAN: Why would he wade through a swamp to get to the house? There had to be roads. HODGINS: It was quicker. She was a cheerleader. She was hot. He couldn't wait. It's the boy thing again. Or maybe he was peeping through her window. Could have been a peeper. (Hodgins heads towards the door) BRENNAN: Dr. Hodgins, do boys change after high school? HODGINS: Only on the outside. (He smiles and leaves. Brennan doesn't know what to make of the answer.) (CUT TO: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela is looking at the yearbook. Hodgins walks in.) HODGINS: Whoever thought hair like that looked good? ANGELA: Hey, check this out. This is weird, right? HODGINS: It's a yearbook. It's supposed to be weird and humiliating. ANGELA: Yeah, but this is the "Hall of Fame" section. It's usually, "Best Smile" and "Most Likely to Succeed." This is "Most Likely to Get Head Stuck Up Own Ass" and "Best Rack" and "Most Likely to die of VD." HODGINS: Wait. Somebody put a prank version of the yearbook in the capsule to embarrass everyone 20 years later? ANGELA: Yup. Look at this.(she flips the book over) "Brought to you by Gruff & Grim." HODGINS: So, we're looking for two kids who put a yearbook and a body into the time capsule? (CUT TO: Outside Stinson Residence. Booth and Brennan are getting out of the car) BOOTH: Okay, Bones, so there was this girl, okay? Sharay Bellapini. Sharay, Sharay. She was the coolest, hottest girl in high school and I wanted to ask her to my junior prom. So what I did was, I bribed the suck up who did the morning announcements- BRENNAN: Suck up? BOOTH: Yeah, the kids who did anything to please the teachers. So I get on the loud speaker and I ask her to the prom. BRENNAN: Uh huh. BOOTH: On the loudspeaker. BRENNAN: Thi-This is your embarrassing story? BOOTH: On the loudspeaker! BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: I got laughed at for weeks. BRENNAN: Did she go with you to the prom? BOOTH: Sure. BRENNAN: Okay, this is merely another story of victory and sexual conquest. (Brennan presses the doorbell.) BOOTH: Look, Bones, they laughed at me. Okay? Laughing has got to count for something. BRENNAN: There's no public humiliation in that story, Booth. (Janelle Stinson opens the door.) BRENNAN: You don't even know what public humiliation is. JANELLE: Hi. BRENNAN: Hi. BOOTH: Hi Ms. Stinson. Special Agent Booth, uh ... BRENNAN: Was your name Janelle Brown in high school? JANELLE: Yes. BOOTH: Mind if we come in and ask you a few questions? JANELLE: Of course, yeah. Come in. (Cut to: Inside Stinson Residence. Booth and Brennan show Janelle a picture of herself from high school.) JANELLE: Look at her. I wish I was Janelle Brown again. (She gives the photo back to Booth.) JANELLE: Or at least parts of me do. You know what I mean? BOOTH: You lived at 224 Green Gates Crescent? JANELLE: Yeah. Just a few blocks from here. BRENNAN: It backed onto a swamp. JANELLE: Yeah. I was scared of that swamp as a little girl. BOOTH: How well did you know Roger Dillon? JANELLE: Oh, I don't know. He was my math tutor and, well, math wasn't really my thing, so I needed a lot of help, and well - he kind of developed a crush on me. He was actually kind of cute in a non-jock way, you know? Sweet. Oh, he loved The Cure. BRENNAN: For what? What did he have? BOOTH: (whispers to Brennan) It's a band, Bones. It's..it's-it's a band. (to Janelle) Um, did he tutor you at your place? JANELLE: Uh huh. My place or the library. Usually my place. I think he liked it there. You know, his own place wasn't very nice. BOOTH: Do you remember seeing him on, uh, June 14, 1987? ALEX: (from off screen) Mom? JANELLE: Uh, I'm in here, honey. BRENANN: It would have been the last day of school. (Alex Stinson walks in.) JANELLE: Oh, uh... ALEX: I'm going to Pete's. JANELLE: Okay. (Booth and Brennan stand.) ALEX: What's going on? JANELLE: Um, these people are with the FBI. They're investigating the time capsule murder. (Brennan looks at Alex.) BOOTH: Nothing to worry about. Your parents were just friends of the victim. ALEX: Well, that sucks. JANELLE: Yeah. Honey, why don't you go to Pete's? (Janelle and Alex leave the room, but Brennan continues to look after him. As soon as they're out of site, she gets up, goes over to the mantle and looks at a photograph of the Stinson family.) JANELLE: (O.S.) If you're going to be late, just give me a call, 'cause you have your cell phone, right? ALEX: (O.S.) I have it. JANELLE: (O.S.) Okay. (Brennan tucks the photo into her jacket.) BOOTH: (whispering to Brennan) What are you doing? (Brennan shoves the picture frame in her jacket to hide it) ALEX: (O.S.) See you later, Mom. JANELLE: (O.S.) Okay. (Janelle comes back into the room. Booth sits back down.) JANELLE: You know, I-I think I actually did see Roger on the last day of school. BOOTH: Why? JANELLE: Like I said, he was my tutor. BOOTH: Why would he come to your house on the last day of school? JANELLE: Honestly? He brought me my graded final, but he'd have used any excuse. I didn't encourage him, but- (she laughs) high school was so long ago and none of us is the same person. I'm sorry Roger ended up that way, but after he dropped off my final, I never saw him again, so- BOOTH: Well, uh- BRENNAN: (interrupting. She stands.) Thank you, Ms. Stinson. JANELLE: Oh, yes. Uh-huh, of course. (Booth stands up) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Brennan walks in and joins Angela, who is at the computer.) BRENNAN: Could you please call up Terry Stinson from the Foothill yearbook? ANGELA: Mhmm. (She pulls up the page) ANGELA: Track team, vice president of the Student Council, runner up for Mr. Popularity. BRENNAN: Where does it say that? ANGELA: It's the type, sweetie. He's Mr. Second Best. It's kind of like when you want Brad Pitt and you get Matthew McConaughey. BRENNAN: Pull up the photo of his son, Alex. (Angela pulls up the photo that Brennan stole on the computer.) BRENNAN: Alex Stinson shows three classic examples of Mendelian inheritance. A cheek dimple on the left side, cleft chin and detached earlobes. ANGELA: Distinct facial features, wide-set eyes, asymmetrical nostrils. BRENNAN: Just like his dad. ANGELA: It's nothing like his dad. (after realizing what Brennan is getting at) Oh, boy. BRENNAN: Could you please replace Terry Stinson with Roger Dillon? (Angela pulls up Rogers picture and parts of the facial feature of both match perfectly) ANGELA: Oh, boy. Twenty years ago, Terry Stinson finds out that Roger Dillon has s*x with his girlfriend. BRENNAN: And he kills him. ACT IV (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Conference Room. Booth and Brennan are talking with Janelle and her husband, Terry Stinson.) TERRY: Of course we'll take a DNA test. BOOTH: You realize in a murder investigation, we can't rule anything out. BRENNAN: Did you know that it was possible that Alex was not your biological son? TERRY: What? (to Janelle) Is it possible? BOOTH: Is it? JANELLE: Can I answer that after the DNA test? (Terry sighs.) I guess I just did. BOOTH: (to Terry) So you didn't know? JANELLE: Terry didn't know. BOOTH: Alex was born on January 7, 1988. TERRY: I don't believe this. That means you were pregnant in the spring already. You just wanted me to believe that the baby was mine? JANELLE: No, no. I wanted - the baby inside me to be yours. TERRY: I don't get this. Roger - what- but he was - why did you sleep with Roger? JANELLE: He was sweet. He was-I knew he was nuts about me. I liked feeling special. You know, let's face it, Terry. Back then, you were "that guy". TERRY: What guy? JANELLE: The guy who did anything he wanted. You didn't need me. Roger- he came over that day. He came through the swamp. He was filthy. His father had just beaten him up- BOOTH: Ms. Stinson, did you tell Roger that he had gotten you pregnant? JANELLE: Yes. He wanted to marry me. He said he could get the money for us to go away together, but I told him I didn't want to. I was back with you by then. Only you. TERRY: Why didn't you tell me? JANELLE: When I told you I was pregnant, you were so happy. That's when I knew that you loved me. That you weren't "that guy." That we could have a great life together and we did. BRENNAN: I'm sorry. I had to borrow one of your pictures. (She slides the picture frame across the table) BOOTH: (whispers) You stole that. (to Janelle) Uh, what did you think happened to Roger? JANELLE: I don't know. (Terry slides the family photo over to look at it.) He had the money. He was never happy here. I figured that he just took off by himself. (to Terry) I am so sorry. I always wanted to tell you the truth, but I just-I just couldn't figure out how to tell you that Alex wasn't yours. (Terry looks at the photo of the family again.) TERRY: Alex is my son. We are a family. (Janelle nods.) (CUT TO: Medico Legal Lab- Brennan's Office. Booth and Brennan are talking with Sweets) SWEETS: Well, the murder happened at night on a high school playing field, not a likely place to find adults. Plus, teenagers are dominated by their ids, which make them act irrationally. Physiologically, their judgment's impaired by an incomplete frontal lobe. BOOTH: You're what, 22, right? How's your front lobe? Almost there? SWEETS: Again, a hectoring tone. BOOTH: Alright, look, I'm sorry, just keep going. SWEETS: Alright, there was no sexual assault, no theft. The watch and other effects were still on him. Further indications that this was just a rash and youthful act. BOOTH: Right, right. That's good - for a kid. BRENNAN: This is guesswork, Booth. SWEETS: It's a logical interpretation of subjective analysis by a highly intelligent expert in his field, actually. The killer knew the exact date the time capsule would be opened when he put the victim in there. He's been waiting twenty years for that body to be found so he could reconcile himself with his past and finally pay for his crime. BOOTH: Like Terry Stinson? SWEETS: No. (sighs) I think you're looking for someone who's been punishing himself for years. Someone self-destructive, working far below his potential. BOOTH: Then why doesn't he just confess? SWEETS: Most likely he has in some way, Agent Booth. The question is, were you listening? BRENNAN: Agent Booth is an incredibly good listener. BOOTH: Yeah, I really am. It's my strength. SWEETS: Then perhaps the time capsule was just a convenient place to stash a body. You know, profiling's not an exact science - (Brennan rolls her eyes.) -but I hope I'm right. I really want to tell my girlfriend I helped catch a murderer. It'd be a good night for me. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensic Platform) HODGINS: The textural stain on the under surface of Roger's mandible was liquid petroleum. CAM: An oil product? HODGINS: I know. I know. Dead common, right? But I did some further analysis. (He sits at the computer and brings up the images on the screen.) HODGINS: I found that there were microscopic particles of granite embedded in the petroleum. Also, all over the broken seal of the time capsule. CAM: Definitely not John Adamson's ice skate. HODGINS: Yeah, not unless he skated on asphalt. Twenty years ago - what I'm seeing as petroleum was asphalt. It was driven into Roger's bone with a flat, metal- CAM: An asphalt shovel? HODGINS: Yeah. CAM: Gil Bates worked paving driveways. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation room. Booth and Brennan are sitting with Gil Bates.) GIL: Roger was my best friend. BRENNAN: Gruff and Grim, right? BOOTH: Who was who? GIL: I was Gruff. Roger was Grim. BRENNAN: So you went out to the field that night to plant the yearbook in the time capsule. BOOTH: Right, surprise everyone 20 years down the line. BRENNAN: You dug up the capsule and you broke the seal with the asphalt shovel. BOOTH: Your amigo, Grim, wanted his money back? BRENNAN: The money that you earmarked for your business, all those computers that were going to make you rich. BOOTH: And you couldn't do that, Gruff. You just couldn't give Grim back the money. GIL: Could you stop using those names? BRENNAN: Did he tell you that it was for Janelle Brown? BOOTH: I bet he did. I bet old Grim said, "You know what, I'm sorry, Gruff, but there's this girl and our plans, they're done." GIL: I asked you to just stop using the names. BOOTH: You know, but then Grim said, "You know what? My dream has changed. You and me, Grim and Gruff? We're finished." GIL: (jumps to his feet) Stop it! You don't know what you're talking about! BOOTH: We don't know what? BRENNAN: Did he tell you it was because she was pregnant? (Gil looks at them, surprised) BOOTH: He should've told you. You would have understood. GIL: Understood what? BRENNAN: Janelle was pregnant with Roger's son. GIL: Oh, my God. He didn't say. He just said that he loved her. I told him-I told him how stupid that was. I said that she'd never look at someone like him and-he got all pissed and then he hit me. And I just, I went and I picked up the shovel and I just-I just jabbed. It was an accident. It was just a jab. He held his neck and he went all white. (He starts to sob) BRENNAN: The wound severed both his jugular and his carotid. He would have died quickly. GIL: He did. I-I held him and I told him I was sorry. He knew that I didn't mean it. I loved the guy. He has a kid? BRENNAN: Yes. GIL: I hope I get the chance to tell him about his father. (Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth and Brennan are sitting at a table, talking) BOOTH: Alright, there was this kid, uh, junior year. BRENNAN: Okay, is this going to be another story where you think you were humiliated, but you actually were not? BOOTH: Just listen to me. This kid. Junior year. Harlan Kinney. He was one of those real weird, ya know, looking kids. He had this big Adam's apple stickin out and he wore his dad's clothes to school. Ya know, with the whole stretchy belt around his waist. BRENNAN: What's wrong with that? It's practical. BOOTH: You're not listening. He was one of those real superior types, always talking out of a thesaurus, and one day he came up to me and a bunch of my buddies and he called us a bunch of Philistines. You know what that means, right? BRENNAN: Yeah. A Philistine is a smug, ignorant person who is antagonistic toward higher thought and intelligence. BOOTH: Yeah, well, I didn't know what that meant till I looked it up. I told Kinney, "Look, I'm not Philistine. I'm Catholic." BRENNAN: (laughs) That's pretty close to humiliation. BOOTH: No, that's embarrassing, that's not the humiliating part. BRENNAN: Oh. BOOTH: My buddy picked Kinney up and dangled him over the stairway. You know, he begged and cried, and everyone laughed. BRENNAN: How is this about you? BOOTH: I laughed. BRENNAN: I don't understand. BOOTH: I could've stopped it. I could've stepped in and helped the kid out. Instead I-I didn't. Chose my side, and it was the wrong side. BRENNAN: So you were humiliated because you didn't act like a hero? BOOTH: Fine. Fine. You know what? I'm perfect. My life was perfect. BRENNAN: It's a good story, okay? But it's a bad one. I - it's both, I guess. I mean, I get it. BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: (noticing that Booth has something in his hand) What is that? BOOTH: (crossing his arms and hides it from her) Nothing. BRENNAN: Well, you evolved. And evolution is very impressive and that is definitely not nothing. BOOTH: (holding up Brainy Smurf) This? BRENNAN: Did you bring that for me? BOOTH: No. BRENNAN: Good, because it's the wrong Smurf. I liked Smurfette. That's Brainy Smurf. BOOTH: Well, Smurfette was a stupid, shallow Smurf who only had her looks. Look, you're better than Smurfette. You have your looks and a whole lot more.BRENNAN: You did bring that for me to charm me in case I didn't find your humiliation story impressive, but I did, so ... BOOTH: Aha! So I did impress you. BRENNAN: That's what impressive means, dummy. You're such a Philistine. BOOTH: (he laughs) I'll tell you what. You can hold on to this, and it will remind you how far I've come. BRENNAN: (taking the Smurf from Booth) I forgive you for snorting, Booth. BOOTH: Evolution is a long, long process. It takes hundreds of years. BRENNAN: Thousands. BOOTH: Why do you have to always correct me? BRENNAN: To help you evolve. (Booth smiles, Brennan smiles back at him and shakes her head.) END.
Plan: A: his former high school classmates; Q: Who found the body of a teenage boy? A: 20 years ago; Q: How long ago was the time capsule that contained the body of the boy buried? A: a disk; Q: What did the team find in the boy's belongings? A: a game; Q: What did the disk contain that would have been a landmark title in 1987 if released? A: the father; Q: What was the boy's relationship to a classmate's son? A: the evidence; Q: What do the team relive their high school memories as they sift through? A: the killer; Q: Who does Dr. Sweets give advice to Brennan and Booth about? A: Dr. Sweets; Q: Who is Brennan and Booth's therapist? Summary: The body of a teenage boy is found by his former high school classmates to have been hidden inside a time capsule that was buried 20 years ago. As the team investigates the class of 1987 to find the boy's killer, they find a disk among his belongings, containing a game which would have been a landmark title in 1987 if released. They also discover he was the father of a classmate's son. The team relive their high school memories as they sift through the evidence. Brennan and Booth receive some psychological profiling advice of the killer from their therapist, Dr. Sweets.
"ALL NIGHTER" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe *Dawson's room - a movie is on the television. Dawson is watching it.* Dawson: There's not a single dramatic storyline in existence that Shakespeare didn't conquer first. Family revenge, political intrigue, the great gender battle. The guy mapped it all out for us, and what was his parting lesson? What genre of all genres did he finally arrive at after years of toil and sacrifice? Tragedy. Gail: *offscreen* Shh. Dawson: Like all great romantics, he finally realized that life was a lot more likely to end up with a bunch of dead Danish people on stage than with a kiss. Gail: What a sad movie. Dawson: Mom, you cried at the commertials. Gail: Only that cotton commercial. Dawson: We've got to do something about your perpetual state of melancholy. I'm...concerned about you. Gail: Well, honey, I'm concerned about you. Ever since your breakup with Joey, you haven't said one word about it. Dawson...you haven't even wallowed. Dawson: What good is wallowing? All the wallowing in the world doesn't bring somebody back. Gail: Wallowing isn't about getting them back. It isn't about them at all, it's about you, and learning to allow yourself the few meager advantages of being the dumpee. Dawson: Advantages? Gail: Sure, like allowing yourself to stuff your face with a lifetime supplu of red licorice and doughnuts, or a newfound appreciation for country music. Dawson: Like an excuse to watch the last scene from Field of Dreams? Gail: Acquiring the necessary pain to write bad, bitter poetry. Dawson: A reason to scowl. Gail: A reason to bitch! Dawson: Work out aggression! Gail: Yes! You see, when you think about it, honey, every inch of pain that youches you makes you a deeper, more real individual. Whether you're 16 or...slightly older. Dawson: So it doesn't get any easier? Gail: Nope. You just go to bed earlier. *She gets up off the bed and walks towards the door* Gail: Night, honey. Dawson: 'Night mom. *She turns around* Gail: I hope I was an acceptable substitute for movie night. Dawson: You were great. *Gail leaves and Dawson pops in a new movie and lays back on his bed. He looks over at the empty window, then back to the TV. He pulls out a piece of licorice and eats it.* Teacher: "What light through yonder window breaks?" It is the midterm, and your impending failure is but hours away. *passing out books* Blue books. You're notice they're blank, and for many of you, they'll score higher as such than when actually written in. *Dawson leans over and so does Joey and Dawson gives Joey an angry look.*. Teacher: (cont.) Please sign your real name. As to the test, it will cover everything we have studied in English Literature thus far and will be worth 50% of this term's grade. Main points of interest...Shakespeare, Dickens, the romantics, and your favorite, the read everybody's talking about, Beowulf. *A kid in the back, Chris, throws a wad of paper towards Jen. She opens in and it reads, "Don't forget to smile."* Teacher: (cont.) I will be hosting a study session in this classroom at 3:00. It is my recommendation you attend. Unless, of course, your parents have dedicated at least a wing or two to an Ivy League institution in which case your tragic, East Coast aristocratic, social alcoholic fate has already been sealed. This is more than just an exam, people. It's your life. *The bell rings and everybody rushes out of the classroom. Joey follows Dawson.* Joey: Hey. *Dawson keeps walking* Joey: Dawson, at some point we have to say something to each other. Dawson: What would you like me to say, Joey? *They're at his locker* Joey: What do you want to say? Dawson: Go away. Joey: Besides that! Dawson: Joey, you made it very clear you needed space, okay? I am giving you that space. Joey: I didn't think it would mean we'd be cutting off all communication, Dawson. Dawson: What did you think it would mean? Joey: This isn't fair. Dawson: To which one of us? You can't make up all the rules! Joey: I don't want to! Dawson: Then what do you want? *Cut to the cafeteria* Pacey: One day this cafeteria is destined to cook a fry THAT ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE A FRY! Andie: Menage a trois. Ever been in one? Pacey: All hail, the queen of non-sequiturs has spoken. Andie: It's not a non-sequitur. It's this month's Jane. Pacey: Chick magazines are racier than Playboy. There's always some article in there about how to prolong your 'this' or around your 'that'. Andie: This one's a purity test. Pacey: What? Andie: A purity test. You've heard of them. An assortment of sexual questions that when totaled are meant to gauge your level of sexual experience. Pacey: *nervously* Okey-dokey. Time to put that away now. Andie: Why? It's fun! Pacey: Gauging our level of sexual expertise is not really my idea of joy abounding. Andie: Don't think I don't know where this is going, Pacey Witter. I know your history. Pacey: *surprised* You do? Andie: Sure. You're a typical guy. You want everyone to think you have unseemly, adventurous sexual existence when in fact your purity level is probably closer to Big Bird's than Bill Clinton's. Pacey: Yeah, you know what? You got me. That's me...Mr. Embarrassingly Pure. *They exit into the hallway* Andie: Whatever. So am I going to see you at Peterson's Cram-o-Rama? Pacey: That would imply that I am going. Andie: No, no, Pacey, you CAN NOT bail on this study session. It's way too important. Pacey: To you. Andie: No, no, no. To anyone who cares about their grade. Pacey: Well, see, there's the rub. Yo soy not concerned. Andie: Don't joke about this. Pacey: I'm serious. As committed as you are to doing everything in your power to get an A, I'm equally committed to getting my C, possibly D if I can't get a good look at your answer sheet. Andie: Pacey! Pacey: Give me one good reason why I should go. Andie: Me! Pacey: Okay...fine. I'll go. Just don't expect me to stay awake. *Cut to the track. Chris walks up to Jen.* Chris: Jen-a-lish Delish. Jen: Hey Chris, what's up? Chris: Long run today. Thought you'd be looking for someone to keep stride with. Jen: And you'd like to be that someone? Chris: I'm a good pacer. I know when to speed up and when to slow down. Jen: And when to leave someone alone? Chris: Jen, is there a particular reason why you're not receptive to my wily charms? Jen: Other than the fact that you emit them regularly to any skirt within a 6-mile radius? Chris: Actually, I have a car so it's more like the tri-state area. *Jen smiles* Chris: Ah-ha! A smile. Mission accomplished. Jen: Later, Chris. *He walks away. Dawson walks up* Dawson: And the hawk circles. Jen: He's just being cute, which he really is. Dawson: You seen his love 'em and leave 'em rap sheet? It's epic. Jen: Relax, Dawson. Dawson: Just looking out...so, you hitting the study session? Jen: Oh, doubt it. Not much into the "Applying Myself" zone these days. How about you? Dawson: Well, it's either that or another evening watching some awful, seventies tearjerker with my mother. You should go. Jen: I'll tell you what, Dawson. Since it doesn't look like I'll be having a hot night of unbridled passion with Romeo over there, *Cut to Chris talking to another girl* I'll consider it. Dawson: Okay. *Cut to Andie reading a note on a classroom door* Andie: Dear Class, I want home with a cold that was considerably more important that you. The test is still on for tomorrow. Study the sample questions. Until then, hardly yours, Mr. Peterson. Pacey: So he bailed on his own study session. Joey: Great. Chris: *to Jen* We should have our own study session. My folks are in Saint Martin. We'll have the whole house to ourselves. Jen: Like we'd get a lot of work done that way. Chris: The lady questions my motives? Invite your friends. *to Pacey and Andie* You two interested? Let's study at my place. Andie: I was thinking more along the lines of the city library. *Pacey stops Andie* Pacey: Whoa! His offer does have certain enticing qualities. Andie: Since when have you been in such a rush to form a study group? Pacey: Have you ever seen this man's house?! His family is totally loaded. They got a satellite dish. *Andie shakes her head no* Pacey: Oh, come on! Andie: *giving in* Alright, we're in. Chris: Cool. I'll drive. *to Jen* Young lady, will you be join us? Jen: How can I resist? *Cut to Andie catching up with Joey* Andie: Hey, Joey. So what are your study plans? Joey: Oh, just me, my English lit book, and a loud, crying baby. Andie: Good. Then you can come with me. Joey: Where? Andie: A study session at Chris Wolfe's. I can't do this alone. Joey: Chris Wolfe's? You're going to rely on Chris Wolfe to provide a suitable study environment? I think I'm better off with the loud, crying baby. Andie: Okay, do you honestly believe I would let this night be anything less than ridiculously beneficial? Trust me. I'm in mega-control of this event. *Cut to Pacey and Dawson* Pacey: Hey Dawson! Where you headed little buddy? Dawson: Well, Skipper, I saw Peterson's note. I'm headed home. Pacey: I'm actually headed to a different study session, if you're up for it. Dawson: "Different study session"? Is this Pacey Witter code for party? Brothel? Road trip to Disneyland? Pacey: Believe it or not, this is a true meeting of intellectuals in a highly moderated studious environment and that, my friend, is our ride. So what do you say? Dawson: Sure.. *Dawson opens the door to the car and sees Joey and is a little perturbed. He gets in* *Cut to the gang going into Chris' huge house.* Chris: Uh, the TV is that way. *points* The Jacuzzi and sauna are out back. We keep extra suits in the guest room, and the kitchen's that way *points* if you get hungry. Joey: *to Andie* Sounds like we're going to get a lot of studying done. Andie: Reminder, I'm in complete control here. Dina: AHEM! *The attention turns to a girl reading a magazine in the other room. She's about 12, maybe?* Chris: Everyone, my little sister, Dina.She promises to stay out of the way. Andie: Nope. This room isn't going to do. We're going to need a long table, proper lighting, and high-backed chairs. Where's Pacey? *She finds Pacey in the other room with the TV flipping through channels* Pacey: Hey, check this out. 200 channels from all over the world. It's a couch potato's dream. Look at that! 3 Stooges in Cantonese. Andie: Why do you insist on undermining me at every opportunity you get? Pacey: Think of how boring the alternative is. Andie: Look, I'm going to need your help with our attention deficit host, okay? There's no way I can expend energy rounding up the both of you. Now, come on! Pacey: *whining* But I wanna watch TV... *Cut to the room. The group is around a table and Andie is standing up with WAY too much energy* Andie: So, the plan of attack is simple. Using this book, we'll spend 30 minutes on each of the various sections: Victorian poetry, Shakespeare, Dickens, etc. And, by my watch, if we allow for a few 15 minute breaks, we'll be able to cover the entire course load by midnight. That will still give us enough time to do an hour speed round and get a good night's sleep. Sound good? *It's quiet* Chris: Anybody want to order a pizza? Joey: Me! Dawson: Absolutely, yeah. Pacey: Hey, I got it! Listen, why don't you just think of this as several of our 15 minutes breaks strung together? *Cut to the kitchen and Chris is going through the wine talking to Jen* Chris: Got a bottle in here from '84. It's from Napa. Jen: Fancy. Chris: Well, actually the wine is made by a married couple who have sort of a Mom-and-Pop vineyard thing going. I was taught to choose quality over labels. Jen: I think we're getting to know each other minus sexual overtones. Well, it is possible. Chris: You know, Jen, it bothers me that you assume the worst about me. I don't about you. Jen: Well, given our previous encounters, plus your reputation, what would you expect me to assume? Chris: That we're a lot alike. That reputations aren't worth the air they're written on, and that the only way to really get to know someone is by getting to know them. Jen: Deal. Chris: I don't want to let go just yet.. *Cut back to the room. Andie is quizzing people.* Andie: Okay, for 200 points: The most famous of the romantic poets? Jen: The Pope. Andie: Wrong. Dawson? Dawson: Shelley? Andie: Wrong again. Chris: "Two beings were drifting, each one to the other, no moments, veil-liting, or hint from other." Hardy. Andie: Impressive, but wrong! Pacey? Pacey: "Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox?" Seuss! Andie: I so hate you right now. Joey: Keats. It was Keats. Andie: Ding, ding! Okay...for an additional 100 points, can you give us his most famous quote? *Dawson stares at Joey.* Dawson: "Beauty is truth, truth beauty." Joey: Um, he's right. I forgot. Dawson: It would seem so. Chris: Whoa, maybe we shoudl hit that hot tub? What do you think, chill out a bit? Andie: We've been chillin' out for 2 hours. What we need to do now is FOCUS. Chris: Well, then, what do we have here? Why did I take you more for the National Geographic type? Jen: You've got to be kidding me! "How Pure are You?" God, talk about an open can of worms. Chris: Oh, excellent. Andie: No way, no. We're already behind. Chris: Come on, Lieutenant! I vote for one last bonding event before I go back to academic torture. Jen: Why not? *They all head into another room.* Andie: Okay, in an effort to keep this moment of folly under control, I'm taking charge. There's 100 questions total, and I only have one test. We'll pass it around and take turns asking. Write your answers on the paper and we'll total when finish. Okay, um, Pacey? Whydon't you start? Pacey: Alrighty. Question #1: "Have you ever been intimately aroused by a relative?" So, it's a southern test, huh? *timelapse* Jen: #13: "Have you ever experimented with bondage?" *timelapse* Joey: "Have you ever gotten cozy in an airplane?" *timelapse* Andie: "..in a public place?" *timelapse* Chris: "..in your parent's bed?" *timelapse* Dawson: "Have you ever caught your parents having s*x?" *timelapse* Pacey: #63: "Have you ever named your most private of regions?" Jen: #69 *laughing* Jen: (cont.) "Have you ever participated in.." *timelapse* Joey: "Have you ever engaged in sexual activity with a member of the same s*x?" *timelapse* Andie: "...with a transvestite?" *timelapse* Pacey: "...with a 4-legged creature?" *timelapse* Dawson: "Have you ever paid for s*x?" Chris: Does dinner count? Andie: Question #84: "Have you ever fantasized about a friend's significant other?" *silence* Andie: (cont.) Very quiet in the room all of a sudden. Jen: "Have you ever had an affair with a friend's significant other?" Chris: In my fantasy. Pacey: Give me this. *takes magazine* "Have you ever had an affair with a friend's pet?" How come I get all the animal questions? *timelapse* Joey: Okay, #100: *pauses* "Have you ever been in love? If so, how many times? Give yourself a point of purity for each time." *Joey looks at Dawson.* Andie: Okay, let's score 'em up! Everybody ready? *Joey leaves the room.* *Cut to Dawson walking into the kitchen where Joey is.* Joey: Not now, Dawson. Dawson: I saw the look on your face when you read that question. Joey: Is this your version of space? Dawson: You're free to leave anytime. I don't see you making a rush for the door. Joey: That's because I came here to study. I didn't know you were coming. Dawson: Is it so awful that I'm here? Joey: No! Stop putting words into my mouth. I asked for time, Dawson, just time. Please respect that. *She leaves. Dia is in the doorway.* Dia: Issues. Dawson, right? Dina Wolfe here, in case you didn't remember. Dawson: Dina, do you know where the coffee is? Dina: Yeah, drip or instant? Dawson: Um, drip. Dina: Appropriate. Tough room. Dawson: With me, always. Dina: So, care to fill me in on the details of your little love affair? Dawson: Id' rather not discuss it, actually, thanks. Dina: You're right, Dawson. Why talk? People like you and me, we can say everything with a look. *She looks at Dawson and Dawson looks at her like she's lost it.* Andie: And the totals are as follows, Chris clocked in with the least pure score of 66%, Jen is a close second with 69%, Joey and Dawson bring us up the scale with a matching level of 85%, and I round us up with a 92%. Wait a minute...we're missing one here. Pacey: *holds up his* It's right here. Andie: Oh, why didn't you turn it in? Pacey: Didn't really want to. Andie: Hand it over. Chris: You dog! This wouldn't have anything to do with question #16. Andie: #16? I don't get it. Chris: Yeah, we blew right past it, but I think we should read it again aloud. What do you say, Pace? Pacey: Chris.. Chris: Come on. Stop it. I'm dying to know. What'd you put for 16, Witter? Let's just put an old rumor to rest right now. Pacey: Is there anything redeeming about you other than your house? Chris: Ouch. Andie: Okay, will someone please tell me what you guys are talking about? Okay, I'll look it up myself. Um, 16: "Have you ever had s*x with someone...twice your age?" Huh? It's a joke, right? Chris: Well, it's true after all. Witter laid the pipe with Miss Jacobs. I don't know whether to congratulate you or fall off my chair. Andie: Miss Jacobs...the teacher who left Capeside? Pacey...you said that you were embarrassingly pure. Those were your words, right? *She walks off. Pacey leaves.* *Cut to Chris and Dawson out by the Jacuzzi* Dawson: Chris, do you know where they may have gone? Chris: I'm telling you, they're out there screwing around by now. Everyone knows makeup s*x is the best kind. Dawson: I wouldn't know. Chris: Don't worry, bud. The way you and Joey are going at it, there's bound to be some serious make-up s*x in your future. So... Dawson: So? Chris: How am I doing? Dawson: With? Chris: The lovely Jen Lindley. You guys used to date. You know how she thinks. She likes me, huh? Dawson: Well, you never have had much trouble attracting the opposite s*x, Chris. Chris: Yeah, but, uh, Jen's different. She's too with it. Closing the deal requires a completely different strategy. Dawson: You mean sleeping with her. Chris: No, I mean a heavy game of Uno. Dawson: It's not going to happen. Chris: We'll see. Dawson: You know, Chris, Jen is in this really weird vulnerable state right now. Don't take advantage of that. Chris: Relax. We won't do anything she's not looking forward to. Dawson: We'll see. Chris: Ah, if it's proof you need, you see that light up there in the guest house? When that light's off, that means I'm inside with Jen...lowering both our purity levels, and you? You'll be out here alone. Let me know if you need to borrow a swimsuit. [SCENE_BREAK] *Cut to Jen and Joey in the guestroom.* Jen: God, I can't believe this place. They've got brand-new swimsuits just for visitors. Nice digs. What's the matter, Jo? You're not going to give in to a little hot tub temptation? Joey: I'm just going to study, thanks. Jen: You know, I really am sorry about you and Dawson and I know that you may not believe it. Joey: You know, you're right! I don't! Jen: Thanks, Joey. Thanks for making our conversation just as delightful as ever. Joey: Anytime. Jen: You know, I used to think that it was our mutual feelings for Dawson that kept us apart. I never really considered the fact that maybe you were just a bitch. Joey: Look, Jen. I didn't mean to be so harsh. God, I am so sick of talking all the time. I just want to follow my feelings and not discuss it. We run it into the ground and...don't you just want to have something left to just experience? Jen: As much as anyone. *Cut to Pacey walking up to Andie sitting on the swing* Pacey: I was beginning to think you walked all the way home. Andie: Why didn't you tell me about her? Pacey: It never came up. Andie: No good, Pacey. It did, and you lied. Pacey: Come on, Andie, what was I supposed to say? Andie: Okay, well how about for starters, "Oh, before you fall for me, Andie, I slept with my teacher." Pacey: Oh, right, there's an easy sentence. Andie: It's not a joke, okay? I'm serious, and despite your braggart tendencies, Pacey, it's not exactly an admirable event. Pacey: That's not fair, Andie. You're judging me, and you don't even know the circumstances. Besides, I slept with her, not you. Andie: Why would you do it, Pacey? Pacey: Why? s*x. Andie: Oh, so there were no feelings involved. Pacey: Of course there were feelings involved. You asked why. Andie: Okay, I take it back. I don't want to know anymore. You're not like that. Pacey: Of course I'm like that! I'm a sexual creature, Andie, and so are you. Why do you think we talk about it so much? Why do you think we joke about it? Why do you think we give each other tests to see how pure we are? Andie: No, no, no! That's different. That's completely innocent. Pacey: No, it's not! The test was about s*x, and s*x is never innocent! It's intense, it's passionate, and sometimes it can be life-altering, but it's never innocent, Andie, and I'm really sorry if this changes the way that you feel about me, but I can't change that. And if things are going to continue between us, I think you're just going to have to accept that. *Cut to inside.* Chris: Yo Jen! Hot tub's ready. Jen: *upstairs* Be right down. *Chris leaves and Jen comes downstairs. Dawson stops her.* Dawson: Jen, hey! Jen: Dawson, what? You're not going in? Dawson: No, um, can I talk to you for a second? Jen: Yeah... Dawson: I'm worried Chris doesn't exactly have the best of intentions here. Jen: Tell me something I don't know. Dawson: You're aware that his goal is to sleep with you tonight? Jen: He's a guy. He's 16 and he...seems to find me attractive, so yes, I would assume he's got some sort of agenda. Dawson: And you're okay with that? Jen: Just because he has some sort of master plan doesn't mean that I've got to go along with it. Dawson: Okay! Jen: And for that matter, why do you assume that I don't have a plan of my own? *She walks outside toward the jacuzzi* *Dina's in the doorway again* Dina: Psst! Gorgeous! Dawson: What? Do you hide in the vents? Dina: So you dated both of them, huh? Dawson: You certainly do your research. Dina: Which one's the one? On your test, you put you'd been in love once. I'm dying to know. Is it Cameron Diaz or Julia Roberts? Dawson: How did you-- Dina: It's called an answer sheet. It's called...*holds it up* here! Dawson: *reaches for it* Give me that! Dina: Wait, NOT SO FAST! I have one you want much more. Dawson: Joey's? Dina: She puts a little smiley face in her O's. Kind of makes me want to puke. Dawson: Let me see it. Dina: Not so fast, this toll has a fee. Dawson: Okay. What? *She puckers up* Dawson: You've got to be kidding me. That's not going to happen. Dina: I think you'll find her last answer rather interesting. Seems while you've only been in love once, according to you-know-who's answer sheet, she's been in love...twice. *Cut to Jen and Chris in the jacuzzi* Jen: Alright, that's enough. It's time to study. Chris: No, no. Relax. We're in a hot tub. Studying's not permitted. Jen: Really? Then, what is? Chris: This. *They start kissing* Jen: And...what if I don't want to mess around? Chris: Then we won't. Jen, I'm not a bad guy. I just want to have fun. Jen: Well, then tell me, Christopher Robbin, what is your idea of fun? Chris: This. *They start kissing again* Chris: So, Jen...are we on the same page? Jen: Same page. *Cut to Pacey and Dawson.* Dawson: Is she okay? Pacey: Yeah. She'll be fine. She just wants to be alone right now, you know? Dawson: Why didn't you just write "no"? Pacey: I didn't want to lie to her. I mean, I don't know. What would you have done? Dawson: I'd like to think I would have been honest. I don't know. It's...I seem to have trouble saying a lot of things lately. Pacey: You know what? Dawson: What? Pacey: Try harder. *Cut to Dawson walking towards Joey on the patio* Joey: Look, no more rounds tonight, Dawson. I am so tired. I'm actually trying to get 5 minutes of studying in. Dawson: Jo, I thought what we had was special. Joey: Look, I'm serious. I don't want to talk about anything but this. Dawson: You wrote that you have been in love twice. Joey: You looked at my test?! Dawson: No, I've learned my lesson about invading your personal privacy. Chris's little sister was kind enough to impart that information. Joey, you said that I was your world. When did you have time for guy #2? I don't believe you're shallow enough to fall in love with Jack after one kiss. Joey: Look, stop it! Dawson: I don't understand! Joey: I don't know, okay?! Why can't we go back to the way things were? Why can't we just be friends, Dawson? Dawson: That's what you want? Joey: Yes! Dawson: After all we've been through, just friends? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: If you don't understand why that can't happen, if you don't get that, you don't get me! *Joey walks off* *Dina's in the doorway...again* Dina: Very emotional. Oscar nominating. Really. Dawson: Go away. Dina: Dawson, you aren't crying, are you? Dawson: You wanted a kiss. Is that what you want? Are you prepared for everything that comes with that kiss? 'Cause it doesn't just end with a fade out. There are repercussions. Hearts get broken. Friendships get ruined. Your entire life could fall apart because of one kiss. That's what you have to look forward to. Do yourself a big favor...don't rush it. *She runs off and Dawson turns around to find Joey staring at him in shock about his outburst. Dawson sits down on the steps and looks out towards the jacuzzi...Jen and Chris aren't there. Then, he looks up to the guest house and the light is off. He puts his head in his hands.* *Cut to Joey knocking on Dina's door.* Dina: What do you want? Joey: To hang out with the only sane individual here. Dina: He's so mean. Joey: All boys are. It's their easiest way of expressing themselves. Dina: After tonight, I'm avoiding growing up at all costs. Joey: Sounds good. Let me know if you have any luck. Dina: Aren't you supposed to be arguing the other side? Convincing me that growing up can be such a beautiful experience if I just let it? Joey: I see. You want the "I'm older than you, so here's how it works" speech? How's this? Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations, but there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly and it's incredible. It's those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between, that make growing up worth it. You'll be okay. *Cut to Dawson flipping through pages in a book. Timelapse and it's daylight. He wakes up and walks into the house finding Joey, Pacey, and Andie asleep.* Andie: Oh, my God! Tell me it is not 6 am. Dawson: It's 6am. Andie: Wake up, wake up! Pacey, the test is in 4 hours. Oh my God! I must have been studying and I passed out. Pacey: Hey, relax. Where's the binder? Dawson: Binder's on the porch, I'll get it. Andie: We don't have any time! Joey: What's happening? Where is everyone? Andie: Everyone is totally asleep, totally unstuidied, totally unprepared, and totally screwed! *Cut to the guestroom* Chris: Morning. Jen: Hey. Chris: They're getting up. We should get down there. Thank you. Jen: For? Chris: For a very fun night. Jen: Hang on a s*x, I'll get dressed and come down with you. Chris: No, no. That's cool. Just, take your time. I'll meet you down there. *Cut to the room with the group around a table.* Pacey: Alright, everybody, listen up! We got exactly 4 concentrated hours in which to study for the deadliest exam of our young adult lives. Now, going off an abbreviated version of Andie's lesson plan, I plan on constructing a 3 hour and 45 minute lesson plan, which, if executed properly, will cover everything. You following me? Andie: Pacey, this test-- Pacey: Shh! Listen, don't worry. Boys and girls, you happen to be in the hands of a professional crammer. We'll start with Beowulf. How many monsters did he have to fight and name one. Andie: 3. Dawson: Grendel. Pacey: Good, now on to the hard stuff. *Cut to the group in the kitchen making toast and pouring orange juice* Pacey: Which one of the Bronte sisters wrote Wuthering Heights? Joey: Emily. Jen: Charlotte. Dawson: It was Emily. Andie: Charlotte! Pacey: Charlotte wrote Jane Eyre. Jen: Then what did Emily write? Joey: Wuthering Heights. *Cut to the group out by the pool in shades.* Dawson: "To be or not to be. That is the question." Chris: "Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings..." *Cut back inside* Pacey: Name the little people in Gulliver's Travels. Dawson: Lilliputions. Pacey: The big bad scary people. Joey: Brob.. Chris: Brob..brob.. Andie: Bromd...brom.. Dawson: D-ding? *Cut back to the gang by the pool.* Jen: "Arms against a sea of troubles." Pacey: To sleep.. *Cut back inside to the pool table* Pacey: Name 3 occupations of travelers in the Canterbury Tales. Dawson: Knight! Andie: Summoner! Pacey: Come on! Come on! Dawson: Did we say knight? *Cut back out to the pool* Andie: "And by a sleep to say we end.." Joey: "To die, to sleep, to speep perchance to dream." Dawson: I'll buy it. *Cut back inside.* Andie: Bromdaming! Bromdaming! Jen: Brobdingnagians. Pacey: Yes! *Cut to the room again where they're once again back around the table* Pacey: Congratulations, guys, we're done, but I got one last group activity. *He looks towards the pool. He starts sprinting for it and everybody follows. One by one they jump in.* *Cut to them climbing out of the pool.* Andie: Wow. You really took control in there. You have an interesting way of doing that. Pacey: Yeah, well, I perform well under pressure. Andie: I want to explain sometime to you. Pacey: You really don't have to talk about this, Andie. Andie: I do, Pacey. I mean, I'm the queen of keeping dirty secrets. So I understand why you didn't jump forward with the information. I think I was just more shocked by the idea that you have so much experience and I, um... Pacey: Will. Andie: You're such a jerk! Pacey: A slacker jerk. Andie: A champion slacker jerk. Pacey: And what does that make you? Andie: I don't know, Pacey. You tell me. I dare you. Pacey: You, Andie McPhee, are the girl that I love to hate. Andie: I love to hate you, too. *They kiss.* Andie: Not forgiven. Pacey: It's a no? *Cut to Dawson walking up to Joey in a robe drying her clothes* Dawson: Hey. Joey: Hey. Dawson: Can we talk? Joey: Sure. Dawson: Do me a favor and don't say anything, okay? Because everytime we speak I screw this up, so just please listen. Joey: Okay. Dawson: All I've been thinking about lately is how much I want to take back our first kiss. How much I would pay to just let you climb through that window. I mean, who knows what would have happened? Maybe we'd still be best friends. Maybe you'd even still have a thing for me. I just know that I wouldn't be hurting like this. But then I think about everything that kiss brought into my life. What it was like to look at you and know not just what you were thinking, but also what you were feeling because I was feeling the same thing, and then it's worth it. It's..worth all the pain that I'm going through. I want to regret kissing you, Joey, but I can't. It was the smartest decision I ever made. Joey: Dawson, the 2 times I feel in love, on the test, they were both you. I mean, the first time I fell was for my friend, the Dawson I grew up with, the boy across the creek, and the second time was after we kissed. I mean, you became this whole new person to me and....I fell in love all over again. I mean, just because we're not together anymore does not change my feelings for you, Dawson. It's me I'm unsure of. Dawson: Joey, I'm going to give you that space. No hostility, no underhanded comments, just space. But that doesn't change the way I feel about you. Nothing can change that. *Dawson leaves. Cut to outside everyone's getting in the car.* Pacey: Come on, Dawson! Let's go! *Dawson gets in and Joey gets in next to him and they smile at each other. Cut to the school. Dawson reads a note on the door* Dawson: Dear Class, sometimes preparation teaches you more than the exam itself; therefore, you have more of it. My illness has claimed me for another day. Test rescheduled." Andie: Well, looks like we crammed all night for nothing. Joey: Now what are we supposed to do? Andie: Go to our other classes, I guess. Pacey: Actually, no. I got one last group activity. Follow me. *Cut to the football field where Joey, Dawson, Jen, Chris, Andie and Pacey are sleeping in a circle in the middle of the field.* End.
Plan: A: the gang; Q: Who has the scariest English test of their lives? A: Chris Wolfe's house; Q: Where do the gang study for the English test? A: the night; Q: During what time are secrets revealed and friendships altered? A: friendships; Q: What is altered during the study session? A: The truth; Q: What is revealed about Pacey's affair with Tamara? A: Andie's horror; Q: What is the reaction of Andie to Pacey's affair with Tamara? A: Joey; Q: Who does Dawson discuss his relationship with? Summary: Facing the scariest English test of their lives, the gang has an all night study session at wealthy, horny Chris Wolfe's house. During the night, secrets are revealed and friendships are altered. The truth about Pacey's "affair" with Tamara is publicly revealed, much to Andie's horror. Dawson and Joey discuss their relationship.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Rondell: "Well, if it isn't Charles Gunn." Gunn: "Anne, meet Rondell and George." Gunn: "Somebody could have filled me in." George: "You ain't been around to tell nothing to." Rondell: "You been moving on up, dog. Playing demon detective with your new family." Zombie cop: "Put your hands on the wall, step back and spread your feet apart." Wesley: "Wait! Officer, wait!" Zombie cop shoots Wesley. Gunn: "This man took a bullet for me!" Wesley: "And it was nothing." They do the elaborate handshake routine. Angel: "Ah, I see you guys have bonded." Wesley: "We've all discussed it and none of us are ready just yet..." Angel: "It's okay, Wesley. I don't want you to came back and work for me. I wanna work for you." Cordy's reaction during the vision from "Dead End" Angel: "Cordy! - What did you see?" Gunn: "Is it me or are these vision hangovers getting longer and longer." Cordy: "I wish it would stop hurting." Night. Inside a fancy restaurant Wesley, Cordy and Gunn at a table with an empty forth chair, eating dinner. Cordy: "You wanna try some of this sashimi?" Gunn: "That's the raw fish? Maybe when hell freezes over." Cordy cranes her neck to look around the restaurant. Wesley: "What are you looking for?" Cordy: "Celebrities. They wouldn't put them out here in the 'B' section. They put them back in the dark." Angel: "Not like here - where it's brightly lit and - open and everyone could stare at you and..." Camera pans from what we now realize was a mirror to show that the forth chair at the table is actually occupied by Angel. Angel: "It's a little exposed. Kind of public." Gunn: "Oh, yeah, that public thing. It happens when you go where the people are." Gunn claps him on the arm as Angel looks around the restaurant. Angel: "Oh, no, no, no. I-I-I like the people. Normal people. I wanna get out and be one of them. You know. Celebrate Cordy's good news." Cordy: "Oh, it's just a commercial." Wesley lifting his wine glass: "Just a *national* commercial. Here is to you." They all clink glasses. Cordy: "Guys, I can't drink. I have to be up at four thirty in the morning for the shoot. But please, continue with the toasting and the praising." Gunn: "You're gonna knock 'em dead, and make a ton of cash." Angel: "What he said, but-but don't leave us when you get famous." Cordy: "I'm touched. But don't worry. I *can't* leave you guys while I'm still the proud owner of the mind-shattering, ever more debilitating visions." Takes a sip from her wineglass that holds water then goes back to eating. Cordy: "I feel a little guilty." Angel: "Don't. - I mean, nineteen dollars for a - sashimi couscous appetizer is money well spent. How was it anyway? Pretty good? I mean, it ought to be pretty..." Cordy: "It's delicious but that's not what I feel guilty about." Angel: "Oh. (Sees Wesley looking at him) I 'm not cheap, I-I'm just old. (Slipping into a slight Irish accent) I-I remember when a few bob got you a good meal, a bottle *and* a tavern wench. - You were saying?" Cordy: "I was saying, I feel guilty leaving you guys in the middle of a case to go do this commercial." Wesley: "Mhmm, we have it under control. Angel will get hold of his informant first thing in the morning." Gunn: "And he (to Angel) - well, is it a he or an it?" Angel: "Actually both." Gunn: "Well, then he slash it points us to the big bloated thing in your vision." Wesley: "The Haklar demon. In fact Angel's informant will lead us to the demon's feeding grounds where we manly men will gather round and kill it to death." Wesley holds out his fist and Gunn bumps it with his own. Angel, just a beat too slow, puts his fist out as well. The others obligingly repeat the gesture. Cordy: "Ooh, sounds like fun. - If you guys want more wine, don't let me stop you." Angel: "Oh, no more wine for me. That imported stuff goes right to your head." Gunn: "You think we should get a flame thrower?" Wesley: "For the Haklar? I hadn't thought of that." Angel: "I mean, if you guys want to order another bottle..." Gunn: "Of course if we wound up in a tight space we could burn each other." Wesley: "Right. Right." Gunn: "Well, you're the boss. You'll decide." Wesley taking a deep breath: "A flame thrower is big and loud. Might call attention where we don't want it. Stealth, you know being a large part of..." Angel notices a shorthaired woman wearing a cape walking through the restaurant and jumps out of his seat with vampire speed to grab a hold of her. Angel: "Isn't this interesting?" Woman: "Wha-what? My shawl?" Angel: "No, your Brahenian (?) Battle-shroud, woven from the skin of dead children." Wesley at the table: "What's he doing?" Angel: "You think I don't know a Voltar Witch when I see one? You don't think I can't see the markings of a... (trails of as he takes a closer look at the shawl) Looks a little different up close." Cordy: "It's a beautiful shawl ma'am. It's a beautiful, thousand dollar, Laura Mina original. (Laughs) My friend just loves beautiful things so much he can't control himself. Because he's - ahm, from France? - We're so sorry. So sorry." Pulls Angel back towards the table. Angel with French accent: "Pardon." Gunn as they all sit back down: "If we had a flame-thrower we could set the table on fire. Draw a little *more* attention to us." Angel: "I'm telling you those markings, from a distance they really looked..." Wesley: "Let's just eat and be on our way without any more..." Cordy: "Oh god." Cordy scrunches up her face. Gunn: "What is it? What do you see?" Cordy: "Moo..." Wesley: "Moo? Some sort of cow monster?" Cordy: "Move. I think the sashimi is coming up." The guys jump up off their chairs as Cordy doubles over, pulling the tablecloth and dishes off the table as she is violently sick. Angel: "They'll take that off the bill, right?" Intro Hyperion day. Wesley is sitting in his office talking on the phone. Wesley: "Yes, mum. Yes, well, put him on. - Right. You too. - Hello father. Happy Birthday. - How are you? - Good. - No! It's going quite well actually. - Yes. I have news. - I've been put in charge of our group. - Yes, as their leader. No, it's a permanent position. Well as permanent as these things... - (the smile on Wesley's face fades away into nothing) - No, I certainly won't be fired. - Ah. Well, yes, I was that one time, yes. - Again... No, you're right. I see how... - Yes, I'd forgotten, thank you. - Yes. - Ah, just recently. Uhm, it's going quite well so far. - - No, I think this time... - I hope it will be different. - No. No, you're right. I see how... - I just thought you'd be... I thought you'd want to know, that's all. - Right. Well - again, happy birthday. - Okay." Hangs up and looks down at the desk. Gunn comes in munching on some chips. Gunn: "You talking to someone?" Wesley closing the folder in front of him: "Yes, my father." Gunn: "English senior? How is he?" Wesley: "Well. It's his birthday." Gunn: "Nice." Wesley still moving stuff around on his desk: "He sends his greetings to everyone in Tinsel Town." Day, big, white warehouse with Stage 6 stenciled on it. Inside Angel makes his way through the people getting ready to shoot Cordy's commercial. Angel: "Sorry." He spots the stage made up to look like a sunlit beach and a girl in a bikini waiting for the shoot to start. He slowly walks out on the beach. The girl gives him a brilliant smile when she sees him coming towards her, but he passes her by without even a look and the smile vanishes. He turns and blinks at the fake sunlight. Letting out a deep breath he closes his eyes and turns his head to face the fake sun, a slight smile spreading across his face. Cordy, wearing a heavy, white bathrobe steps up to him. Cordy: "What are you doing here?" Angel smiles at her: "Getting a tan. Ha. Not bursting into flames?" Cordy: "So - what are you doing here?" Angel: "I have to ask you a question. In your vision did the Haklar demon..." Cordy grabs him by the arms as she sees someone coming. Cordy whispering: "Shut up. The director's come in. (To the director) Hi. I just wanna say thanks for casting me." Director: "You're welcome. Lose the bathrobe." Cordy: "Excuse me?" Director: "What's wrong? You don't speak English? The wardrobe. I need to *see* it. Lose the robe, princess." Cordy stares at him for a moment and he snaps his fingers a few times. Cordy: "Sure. Sure." She slowly takes the robe off to reveal that she's wearing a very skimpy bikini dotted with seashells. Angel looks over, blinks, takes a second look, his eyes widening a little. Looks away. Sneaks another quick glance then keeps his eyes on the director. Director: "Turn around. (Cordy does so, slowly) Well, nothing wrong there. Okay, turn. (Cordy turns to face him again) When does she go to makeup?" His assistant looks at his notebook. Cordy: "I've already been to makeup." Director: "Really. (To assistant) Then take her back. Tell David to get rid of those circles under her eyes. She looks like a refugee from an abused women's shelter." Cordy: "I had food poisoning." Director: "Yeah, right. You eat. Good one. (To assistant) Tell David I'm supposed to wanna sleep with this woman. I don't. Do you wanna sleep with her? Of course you don't." Angel: "You're out of line. (The director turns and stares) Apologize to her." Director: "Oh, let me guess. Wanna-be rocker or part-time male model. I could go either way on this one." Angel takes a step closer to him: "I said apologize to her." Director: "Really? (Aside to assistant) Get security." Cordy: "Angel..." Angel: "Who the hell do you think you are, huh?" Director: "I think I'm the director. (To Cordy) And I think you're real smart for bringing your unemployed boyfriend onto *my* set, telling me how to film my commercial. That's really helping your career." Cordy, back in her bathrobe, takes a hold of Angel arm and pulls him away from the director. Cordy: "I'm sorry. Ah. He won't bother you anymore." Director: "Oh, I know he won't. Because security is gonna toss his ass in about two minutes. Now get into makeup and hope they can work miracles." The director leaves and Cordy turns to face Angel. Angel: "Do you want me to rip that guy's head of for you? Because, you know, I can. I can actually just rip his head right off his body. I can do that." Cordy: "Are you *trying* to ruin my career? I mean, is this like a conscious effort on your part?" Angel: "No. I just..." Cordy: "You need to go. Now. (Angel lets out a deep breath) Why are you still here? Go!" Angel: "Look, I have to ask you a question." Cordy lets out a deep breath and folds her arms in front of her. Cordy: "What?" Angel: "In your vision - the Haklar demon that you saw, did he eat his victim whole or did he just rip out the liver? - 'cause, I mean, it's a funny story, according to my informant, liver-eating Haklar's have different feeding grounds then people-eaters, and I need to know what kind it was so I can track it down and kill it." Cordy nods, then shakes her head and turns to walk away. Cordy quietly: "I hate my whole life." Gunn is sitting on the round bench in the lobby of the Hyperion watching Wesley pace. Gunn: "So - this Heckler demon we're supposed to kill..." Wesley: "Haklar. Two 'a's." Gunn: "This Haklar with two 'a's' we're supposed to kill. Give me the specs. What I need to know?" Wesley stops pacing: "The Haklar, descended for the Klensan order demons, can weigh as much as three tons as an adult male. It awakes from its hibernation during alternating full moons only to feed and mate - often simultaneously. Incapable of traditional speech the Haklar has learned to communicate with each other via a pattern of carefully timed facial ticks, not dissimilar to our own Morse code. The Haklar prefers a warm moist clime where it can..." Gunn: "Wesley." Wesley: "Yes?" Gunn: "I meant, how do we go about killing it." Wesley: "Oh. - Your standard slice and dice." The door opens and George and Rondell walk in. Gunn gets up to greet them. Gunn: "Hey. What are y'all doing here?" George: "Got a situation." Gunn: "Wesley, you remember Rondell and George?" Wesley shakes their hands: "Certainly. I never got the chance to thank you both properly. I think it's fair to say I owe you men my life." George: "It's cool. Only reason you got shot is 'cause you got our backs." Rondell: "Hey, how you feeling?" Wesley: "Better, thank you." Gunn: "The situation, what is it?" Rondell: "What else? Vamps." George: "Pack of them making McKenzie park their new personal restaurant." Gunn: "Got a lot of homeless sleeping there." Rondell: "They be the meals." Gunn: "Sounds like what we need to do is set a trap." George: "Traps already set." Gunn: "It is?" George: "We know the drill. Everything's in motion." Gunn: "Oh. Alright. You just need me to..." Rondell: "Lend us your truck." Gunn: "You want my ride?" George: "It's still tricked out for dusting, ain't it?" Gunn: "Well, yeah. But..." Rondell: "We wanna go in with everything we got." Gunn throws a quick look at Wesley. Gunn: "Count me in then." Wesley: "What about the Haklar?" Gunn: "Angel gets a lock on its crib, page me." Angel comes in: "Haklar is living on the North Shore of Lake Hollywood. We better hurry. They've got a five K race starting there in half an hour." Wesley: "Consider yourself paged." Gunn looks from Wesley to George and Rondell. Gunn: "I got to take this. Wait for me though. I'm through, I hook up with you guys at base camp, we head out together. Rondell: "Yeah, whatever, G. (Bumps George) Lets roll man." The two of them leave with Gunn looking after them. Wesley walks up to Angel. Wesley: "Angel, is everything alright?" Angel hands Gunn an ax, then picks up another one and tosses it to Wesley before getting one for himself. Angel with a sigh: "I-It's Cordy." Wesley: "What about her?" Gunn: "Headaches getting worse?" Wesley: "What happened?" Angel: "Nothing happened. It - it's just... Heh. Acting is her dream job? I mean, that's the world she really wants to live in? With people like that? I don't get it." Wesley: "Who are you talking about?" Angel: "Mr. 'Hey, I'm an L.A. director, you know, shooting a commercial (snaps his fingers) so I must be the center of the universe' guy? It's just like, (?) if you wanna make it in show business you just pretend you're on the food chain(?). I mean, all we do is save the world. And the way he talks to her. It's like she's his commodity. Like she's his slave or something. And you know what the worst part is? She took it. When was the last time Cordy took crap from any of us?" Gunn: "Never. And the day after never." Angel: "Exactly! He's also got her wearing this - flimsy swimsuit that covers like (twists the ax handle between his hands as he looks up at the ceiling) nothing." For a moment all three guys' eyes unfocus, then they glance at each other. Wesley: "Appalling." Gunn: "Disgusting." Angel: "Right." All three guys stare at the floor for a moment, then Gunn shakes his head slightly. Gunn: "Well, shouldn't we be off killing something?" Wesley: "Absolutely." Angel: "Good. Let's get this show on the road." The three of them head out. The host is singing "Superstition" up on the stage of Caritas. The club is jamming as the host dances to his own music. Suddenly there is a shimmering in the air behind him. Not noticing the host keeps on singing. The host turns as shimmering condenses into a portal and stares as a gray skinned monster jumps through it onto the stage. Break The gray monster jumps off the stage, smashes into a table and breaks some glasses, hits a couple of the patrons to get them out of its way, then spots the exit and heads on out up the stairs. Host in normal voice: "It's alright. Everything's fine. (Licks his lips) Nothing to worry about. - It's all part of the show." Cordy is on the fake beach on Stage 6 Spreading suntan lotion on the guy lying on his stomach between her and the other girl. Cordy: "Goes on smooth like a lovers kiss. It's the only suntan lotion good enough for our man." Director: "Cut. Cut. (Steps up to Cordy) You're in his light." Cordy: "Still?" Director: "I told you twice, you have to bend over more." Cordy: "If I bend over any more I'm gonna fall out of my top." Director: "And then you'll be out of his light. See? Everybody wins." Cordy motions towards the lights: "But isn't there something we could do..." Director: "I didn't hire you to play Ophelia. - Show the cleavage, save the line. Got it? Or you wanna waste more of our time?" Cordy, after a beat: "Got it." The director leaves and Cordy looks down. Wesley follows Angel into the Hyperion dabbing at his brow with a handkerchief. Wesley: "Has it..." Angel: "Stopped bleeding? Yeah." They stop as they spot Cordy sitting hunched over on one of the seats in the looby. Wesley: "Cordelia." Angel: "Hi." Cordy looks up at them, then back down at the floor. Angel takes a step closer: "Look, I just wanna say - if I was out of line today..." Cordy straightening up: "*If* you were out of *line*? *If*? (Gets up) You're comfortable with your use of the word 'if' here, are you?" Angel throws a look at Wesley then turns around as Cordy walks past him. Angel: "I'm sorry I embarrassed you." Cordy lets out a breath: "Who am I kidding. I embarrassed myself. - I just wanted to act, that's all. - For them to like me because I was good. - I never wanted to feel like this. - I thought Gunn was with you guys?" Wesley: "He was. After the fight he had to go home to take care of some vampire business." Cordy: "How was the big fight? All big and - fighty?" Wesley: "We managed to kill the Haklar just as it was about to devour a group of power walkers." Angel: "Horrible." Cordy: "I know. I saw it in my stupid vision, remember?" Angel: "No, not the Haklar, the power walkers. I mean, walking I get, but power walking? Why not just run for a shorter time? - Weird. - Plus one of them hit him." Cordy: "A power walker did that?" Wesley: "Apparently she felt that I disrespected the Haklar's culture by killing it." Cordy: "This town sucks." The door opens and the host comes in. Host: "Am I happy to see you. You're still a knight for hire, yeah? Well, I'm hiring. I need you to kill something. I suppose you want the particulars, so here they are: it's called a Drokken." Wesley: "Drokken?" Host: "Ah, you won't find it in your books. It's not from any world you ever heard of." Angel folding his arms: "How did it get here?" Host: "Portal. Right in the middle of my Steve Wonder tune. Totally threw me off, and you know how I hate to disappoint an audience. But I digress. What-what's important is that you kill this Drokken, and-and this part I can't stress enough: kill it you must." Angel: "Where is it?" Host: "No idea. But I imagine it's getting pretty hungry by now." Two guys are walking down a street at night. The Drokken attacks them, quickly knocks them down and begins to eat, amking some real disgusting noises. A blonde woman walks down a sidewalk, uses her remote to unlock her car, looks up and sees the Drokken, mouth still smeared with blood and screams. Angel: "That's all you got for us?" Wesley sitting beside Cordy: "What is it doing here? What does it want? What is it capable of?" Host: "Who cares? It trashed my club, my clientele." Angel: "I thought violence wasn't possible in Caritas. Isn't it supposed to be a sanctuary?" Host: "I didn't say the Drokken *killed* anyone. I mean, knocked over a couple of my regulars. (Looks from Angel to Wes and back) There were a couple of angry glances. - I sensed some bad intentions. - Not a nice fellow. Bad, bad beast. Did I mention the teeth?" Angel: "You mentioned the teeth." Host: "Are you gonna help me or do I have to break out my champion rolodex?" Angel: "Okay. We can start at Caritas, do a circular search, say one mile in diameter, keep moving out and hope we get lucky, huh?" Cordy: "Angel." Angel looks over at her and she tips her head towards Wesley. Angel unfolds his arms and backs up. Angel: "Sorry. I didn't mean to step on your toes, Wesley." Wesley: "Quite alright." Cordy with a bright smile: "Wesley is kind of our new leader now." Host: "Well, it's been a long time coming. Congrats. (To Angel) And kudos to you. Nice choice of conductor to lead your symphony. (To Wes) So, what do we do now?" Wesley gets up: "Well, ah... - Angel's right. Barring more promising leads a circular search pattern for the beast seems best." Host: "I like it." Angel and Wesley start to head out, but the host notices that Cordy is scrunching up her face and putting a hand up to her head. Host: "Hey. What's with her?" Cordy doubles over groaning. Wesley: "Food poisoning." Angel: "From a very expensive appetizer." Cordy straightens back up, still clutching her head and Angel hurries over. Angel: "Or possibly a vision." We get blurry images of a girl wearing a locket taking a book off a shelf and opening it. Suddenly a portal like the one we saw in Caritas opens behind her and she is sucked into it, screaming. Angel: "You're okay?" Cordy: "Why does everyone *always* ask me that? Do I *look* okay?!" Angel backs a few steps away. Wesley: "What did you see?" Cordy: "A woman. She was at the public library. I think she works there. She was reading a book." Host: "A-as scary as *that* sounds... Crazed, rabid Drokken on the loose here? Kind of in first position." Cordy to Wesley: "There was an opening behind her. Something magical - a - portal." Angel: "A portal." Host: "A portal?" Wesley: "Like the one from which this Drokken beast materialized in Caritas?" Host: "We-we don't know that for a fact." Wesley: "There is our connection. (Checks his watch) We better get to the library. They'll be closing soon." Angel: "Right." The three of them get ready to head out. Host: "How fortunate that the Powers That Be haven taken an interest in my... I mean, in the problem I brought to your... Ah, it's really quite a break." Angel as he walks past the host: "You coming?" Host: "Right. - I thought you'd never ask." The host stands there, just looking after them for a moment. Gunn walks into the gang's quiet base camp, sees one of them standing guard. Gunn: "Junior, where is everybody?" Junior won't answer or even look at Gunn. Gunn: "What's wrong?" When he still doesn't get an answer Gunn moves on to find the whole group standing silently together in another room. They part to let Gunn through to the front where he finds Rondell laid out on a pallet. Gunn crouches down next to George. Gunn: "What..." George turns Rondell's head to the side, exposing a vampire's fang marks on his neck. Gunn: "Did they make him drink?" George: "We don't know." Gunn closes his eyes and turns his face to the side. The host and Angel follow Wesley and Cordy into the public library. Host: "Call me crazy, but I'm getting the weirdest sense of deja vue here. How come every time you and me hit the big city we end up in a library? Snoresville. Next time why don't we do something fun?" Angel: "Like what?" Host: "Elton's in town next month. What do you say, you and me, back row seats?" Angel: "I don't do big and crowed." Host: "Mr. Elton John hits the first few keys of 'yellow brick road' I defy you not to feel like the only other person in the room." An older librarian almost runs into the host and both of them such their breath in loudly. Host: "Hi. How are you?" Librarian: "You... You're... (starts to smile in relief) You're for the children's reading program!" Host smiles back: "Yes. Yes, I am." Librarian: "It's not until tomorrow morning." Host: "Yes, I know. I never perform without checking out the space first. Get a feel for the room." Librarian: "Oh. (Looks him up and down) Wow. The kids will flip over your costume. It looks so authentic." Host: "Thank you." Librarian: "Except for the horns. - But those are probably hard to fake." Host: "If you only knew." Librarian: "The reading area is down that way. Just take a left." Host: "Toodles. See you and the munchkins in the morning." Librarian: "Right." The host walks past the others taking a left down the next corridor as instructed. Librarian to the other: "If you're planning on checking out anything you've got about five minutes." Cordy: "Actually we're looking for someone who works here." Librarian: "Who's that?" Cordy: "Okay, she's - tall. She's brown hair about down to here (indicates her waist on her back), wears glasses, pretty..." Librarian: "Sorry." Cordy: "She wears a locket, shaped like a ball or-or an apple, I think?" Librarian: "An apple? Fred wore one of those." Angel: "Fred?" Librarian: "Winifred. Everyone called her Fred." Angel: "Do you know where we can find her?" The librarian stares at them for a moment. The librarian pulls a folded flyer from under the desk counter and hands it to Cordy. Librarian: "Fred disappeared five years ago. They never found her. Police said if she didn't show up in the first week... Well, we all stopped hoping a while ago." Cordy hands the flyer to Angel: "This is her." Wesley: "Can you tell us anything about her?" Librarian: "She worked here in the library with me. She was studying to be a physicist." Wesley: "The day she disappeared..." Librarian: "Oh - it was creepy. One minute she is cataloguing in the foreign language section and the next minute she's gone!" Wesley, Angel and Cordy enter the Foreign Language Section. Wesley: "Angel, why don't you look over there, I'll look over here and... what exactly are we looking for?" Cordy: "I don't know. But this is where I saw the portal in my vision." Host comes in: "This reading room - to die for. Great stage, rocking chair, fabulous colors. I'm tempted to just show up tomorrow morning with Harry Potter." Angel: "If you don't mind, we're working here. You know, on that thing you wanted us working on?" Host: "I really liked that circular search pattern you pitched. Has there been any talk of going back to that?" Cordy pulls a book from a shelf. Cordy: "Here it is. This is the book that Fred was holding in my vision." She opens it to the title page. Wesley reads: "SCRQWRN. What kind of language is that?" The host eyes the book wearily. Cordy: "Last checked out May 6th of 1996 - and returned May 7th of 1996." Angel pulls out the missing person flyer the librarian gave them. Angel: "The date she disappeared." Cordy: "(?)Crv dr pff lr ploos pls...(?)" The host lifts a hand as if to stop her but remains quiet. Cordy: "(?)Vos strp umpt pls plsrts in uft frm pltz(?). - Yeah, Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel." The host begins to scream as a blinding light and wind suddenly whips around them. Angel grabs a hold of Cordelia and tries to shield her, while the host looking straight at the emerging portal keeps holding that one screaming note. Break [SCENE_BREAK] Right where we left off. Suddenly the host's scream is joined by a second as a green-skinned, red-eyed, longhaired and armored demon flies headfirst out through the portal, rolls to his feet and draws a sword. Pushing Cordy behind him, Angel attacks the demon. Ducking the demon's sword he punches and kicks it in the gut a few times then manages to knock the sword out of its hands. Angel grabs it and pushes it up against of the stacks and for the first time we see that it bears a remarkable resemblance in appearance to the host. Host: "Landok? Is that you?" Wes and Cordy look at each other and Angel lowers the fist he had raised to hit the demon again. Angel: "You know him?" Host: "Yeah. But just because I know his name doesn't mean you can't knock him unconscious. Please continue." Landok to host: "Can it really be you? Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan?" Host: "It's clearly rabid. (To Angel) Do your thing, Angel." Angel: "Krevlorneswath?" Cordy: "Of the Deathwok Clan?" Host: "Eh, ah, - I-I prefer Lorne." Angel: "Lorne." Host: "Yes. Lorne, if you must. Though I generally don't go by that because (indicates his face) green?" Cordy: "Huh?" Angel smiles: "Right. Lorne Greene. (Cordy and Wes turn to stare at him) Bonanza? (Cordy and Wes look at each other then back at Angel) Fifteen years on the air not mean anything to anyone here? (Drops his hands as the others still just stare) Okay. *Now* I feel old." Landok: "What is this place?" Host: "It's called Los Angeles, and this isn't exactly one of the hot spots." Landok: "Is it a prison? (Raises his sword) Are these your captors?" Host: "Whoa, big fella. Put the sharp piece of metal down. These are my friends. Angel, Cordelia, Wesley - Everybody this is Landok." Landok holds the sword tip down in front of himself and gives them a slight bow. Landok: "Landokmar of the Deathwok clan." Cordy: "There is that Deathwok clan thing again. Does that mean that the two of you are..." Host: "Yeah. Cousins." Angel: "Cousins?" Landok sheathes his sword. Landok: "Your vanishing was a great mystery to our clan." Everyone looks at Lorne. Host: "Long story, boring ending, really it wouldn't interest you at all." Landok: "It was hoped that you had sought atonement by forfeiting your life in the sacrificial canyons of Trelinsk." Host: "Well, it's been fun, Landok, but we have to skeedadle. You'll be just fine. New people come to L.A. all the time and manage to find their way around." Landok: "Where you abducted into this world as I was?" Host: "Ah, I came through a portal, yes." Landok: "Then we will find a path back to our home Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan. We will return together." Host: "Don't know about you, but my ticket was strictly one way." Landok: "You will not return home to remove the shame that you have visited upon your life-giver?" Host: "Is anyone else getting a little peckish? (Laughs) How does Italian sound, hm?" Landok: "Your mother's burden is terrible." Host: "Misses her little green boo, does she?" Landok: "She rips your images into tiny pieces, feeds them to the swine, butchers the pigs and has their remains scattered for the dogs." Host: "Sounds like ma. Tell you what, you pick the spot. I'm game for anything, so..." Landok: "Does your cowardice really know no limits?" Host: "The nice people really don't wanna hear about our family issues." Cordy: "Sure we do." Wesley: "Yes. Let's hear about the cowardice and shame." Host: "Okay. For your information: not a coward. In fact, my friends and I were just partaking in a Drokken hunt which, regrettably, we must now return to. Now, if you'll excuse us..." Landok: "There is a Drokken near by? I will assist in the kill." Host: "Find your own Drokken." Wesley: "You know how we can kill it?" Landok: "All that is required is to pierce it with a weapon dipped in thromite." Host: "Sorry, cus, thromite? Not exactly existing in this world. Thanks anyway." Landok: "Then killing the Drokken will be most difficult. It is impervious to most wounds." Angel: "What if you chop its head off?" Wesley: "Or run it through with a sword?" Angel: "Or electrocute it with, oh, lets say about a fifty thousand volt charge?" Cordy: "Yeah, we've had a lot of luck with those things in the past." Landok: "Without thromite it will take a mighty blow to destroy the Drokken. It is quite strong and fast, very difficult to hit." Angel: "Well, in order to hit it, we've got to find it first." Landok: "I can track the Drokken for you." Wesley: "You can?" Landok: "Wherever it roams it leaves behind waves of hostility." Wesley: "And you can *read* these waves? - Amazing! All your people do this?" Landok: "Those who are willing to submit to training." Host: "Oh, everyone on board. Guilt trip leaving this station." Landok: "Lead me to where the Drokken entered this world. (Pulls his sword) I will help you slay it." Wesley: "We'd welcome your help." The host watches as they all file past him, then finally follows them. Gunn's truck pulls up and Gunn gets out. There is old wood furniture in the bed of it. Gunn grabs a hold of George as he steps closer and slams him up against the back of the truck. Gunn: "You should have waited for me." George: "We've been waiting on you for months, bro." Gunn pushes him to the side and grabs a chair from the back of the truck to add it to a pile of other broken furniture laid out a little ways away, then stands there staring at it. Landok is crouched at the foot of the body the Drokken killed earlier. Landok: "Our path is true, but our arrival untimely. The Drokken has consumed. It will be at maximum power." He straightens up and waves a hand slowly back and forth in front of his face. Angel quietly to host: "What's he doing?" Host: "He's channeling his mind to identify the Drokken's aura. I use that sense to help people find their destinies and I'm a freak. He uses it to hunt, he's considered the golden spawn. Go figure." Angel: "So, he's like some big hero back home." Host: "Talk about screwed up values. A world of only good and evil, black and white, no gray. No music, no art, just champions roaming the countryside, fighting for justice. Bo-ring. You got a problem, solve it with a sword. No one ever admits to having actual feelings and emotions, let alone talks about them. Can you imagine living in place like that?" Angel lost in thought: "Not really." Wesley puts down his cell phone. Wesley: "Why isn't Gunn answering our pages? What if he's in some kind of trouble?" Cordy is sitting on a bench flipping through the book she found at the library. Cordy: "Or maybe he's in the middle of his stake-o-rama. Besides, last time we went chasing after him on a hunt you got shot. Remember?" Wesley: "Point taken. - What are you doing?" Cordy: "I don't know. - We're missing something here, Wesley." Wesley: "When we get back to the office I'll see what I can do about deciphering it." Cordy: "I mean something bigger." Wesley: "Like what?" Cordy: "I don't know. I just feel like we're chasing after this monster, which is good and all, but - we're missing something." Landok: "The Drokken goes this way. The aura is strong. It's not far." Host: "What do you want? A medal?" Landok takes step closer to the host: "Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan mocks me?" Host: "Just the LA in me coming out, I guess." Landok: "The same Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan who refused the ancient tradition of hunting and gathering." Host: "I'll let you in on a little secret, Landok. While the rest of you boys were out hunting I was down at the waterhole chatting up the senioritas, gathering a little love." Landok: "Your cowardice even extended to the sacred joust." Host: "For the last time: not a coward. I just saw both sides of the joust. (To Angel) How you're supposed to joust someone when you partially agree with their point of view?" Landok: "The Drokken has taken more food to consume later." Cordy: "More food? - Oh, you mean people? - Oh! You mean *people*." Angel's convertible pulls up in front of a warehouse with stacks of wooden pallets forming a veritable labyrinth around it. Landok rises up in the back seat and looks around. Angel: "You're sure this is where the Drokken came." Just then the Drokken comes into view for a moment, carrying the woman from earlier under one arm. It stops to growl in their direction then disappears into the maze. Landok: "I am sure." Angel: "What do we do, Wesley?" Wesley: "Ah, we don't have Gunn. Uhm, if it's as strong as Landok says..." Angel: "Yeah?" Wesley: "Perhaps a diversion. I-I have some flares maybe the light will distract him long enough for us to be able to..." Landok: "Enough of your words!" Landok jumps out of the car and charges into the maze of stacks. Host: "Patience not really a virtue with my people." Angel gets out of the car and walks towards the stacks, sword in hand. Wesley: "Angel, what are you... What are you... (Wesley gets out as well and looks after them) We don't have a plan." Landok comes upon the Drokken and it leaves the frightened woman to charge him. Landok attacks the monster with his sword without doing any visible damage. After a few swings the Drokken gets a hold of him and bites him in the arm and Landok screams as it throws him aside. Angel comes up behind it and kicks it in the side. The two of them fight and seem pretty evenly matched. Wesley and the host come up and see Landok sitting against one of the stack, his arm bleeding. Landok: "Where is my sword?" Host: "You're hurt." Landok: "Fetch my sword." Host: "You've been poisoned." Landok: "There is time to die *after* the Drokken is slain." Wesley: "Poisoned?" Host watching Angel and the Drokken fight: "The Drokken's bite contains a powerful venom deadly to my people." Wesley: "Is there an antidote?" Host: "Only back in our world." The Drokken manages to get a solid kick in at Angel and sends him flying through the air then scuttles off between the stacks. Wesley comes up next to Angel as he picks himself back up. Angel: "It's going after the woman." Angel starts to follow the Drokken. Wesley pulls out a flare and lights it then follows after. The Drokken jumps from the top of one stack to another, watching them. Angel quietly to Wesley: "Find the woman. Get her out. I'll find the Drokken." Wesley nods and the two of them split up. Landok: "Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan, my sword!" Host: "Hello! Martyr complex? You can't even lift your arm for crying out loud." We cut back and forth between Wesley with his flare in hand, and Angel making his way among them in the dark with his sword out. Angel: "Hey. You want food? - I can be food. - Pretty tasty here. (Quietly) Come on, where are you? - (Louder) Here kitty, kitty, kitty. - Here kitty, kitty, kitty." Wesley hears the woman's sobs and hurries after the sound. Wesley: "It's alright. It's alright. I'm gonna get you out of here. Don't be scared." The woman looks past him and screams at the top of her lungs. Wesley spins around to find the Drokken charging straight at him, knocking him backwards to the ground. Break Wesley pushes himself partway up and tries to fend off the Drokken with his flare. The Drokken bites off the top of it and swallows it, leaving Wesley staring at the bitten off stump left in his hand. Before the Drokken can do anything else, Angel is there, attacking it with feet, hands and sword at a furious speed. The Drokken manages to send Angel flying backwards to the ground but Angel throws his sword as he gets back up, and it hits the Drokken's throat dead center, sticking halfway out the back. The Drokken makes a gurgling sound then collapses to the ground. Wesley and Angel look at each other. Angel glances over at the woman then back at Wesley. Angel: "That was fun." Cordy has the book open on the hood of Angel's car and is reading in it as the other come back out of the stacks, the host supporting his cousin. Landok: "If I am to perish this night..." Host: "Stop right here. No perishables allowed here." Landok: "If I perish, you will perform the rituals!" Host: "I certainly will not." Landok: "I will not receive glory unless you perform the rituals." Host: "Then glory you will not have." Landok: "You are the only one here who can officiate." Wesley: "We have to get him back to his world now or he's gonna die." Cordy: "I think I understand." Angel: "Understand what?" Cordy: "The vision. This book. I think it's how we send him back!" Wesley: "What do you mean?" Cordy: "If he reads from the book where we know a portal exists I think it'll send him back. My vision was telling me that that's what happened to that girl Fred. The portal works both ways." Angel: "What if instead of sending him back it the portal sends something here?" Cordy: "It won't." Wesley: "How can you be sure?" Cordy: "I can't. I-I just am. - Don't ask me how I know. I just know." Cordy looks at Angel who just looks over at Wesley. Wesley after a moment: "Lets go." They all pile into the front seat of Angel's car. The host and his cousin are already in the back. Landok: "Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan, give me your pledge. Will you perform the rituals?" Host: "I won't have to. No one's dying." Gunn stares at Rondell laid out on the pile of broken furniture. George throws a match and lights the pyre. The whole gang watches in silence as the flames lick into the night sky. Angel and the host are supporting Landok between them as they enter Caritas. Host: "Put the portal up here before. Right there. Talk about upstaging me." Angel: "I got him." Helps Landok on stage then turns to Cordy for the book. Angel: "Cordy? (Hands the book to Landok) All you have to do is read aloud from it. (Turns to look at Cordy, who has her fingers crossed, then back at Landok) Well, that's the theory anyway." Landok: "To defeat the Drokken, you must be a great and noble warrior." Angel: "Well, you know - I try." Landok: "I am happy to know you." Grips Angel's wrist. Host: "Landok, be safe." Landok: "Goodbye, Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan." Host: "Tell my mother I... - Tell her I threw myself into the sacrificial canyons of Trelinsk." Landok: "I feel we will meet again some day." Host: "Oh, god. I hope not." Landok begins to read form the book. The ground begins to shake slightly. The others flinch as the portal opens with a sudden bright light and a gust of wind and sucks Landok backwards into it, then closes again. They all stand and stare at the empty stage. Host: "Wha-what's say we all forget this ever happened." Angel: "I'm down with that. Wesley?" Wesley: "Fine with me. Cordy?" There is no answer and he turns to see that there is no Cordy anywhere in sight. Wesley: "Cordy!?" They all look around. Angel: "Cordy!" Cordy is lying in a patch of sunshine on the ground. She opens her eyes and gets up to look at the wood filled with strange animal noises all around her. Looks up at the sky and sees that there are two suns in it. Spots what looks like stick puppets draped with animal skins a little ways away. Cordy: "Oh - crap!"
Plan: A: Lorne; Q: Who goes to Angel for help when a demon from Pylea arrives in LA? A: LA; Q: Where does a demon from Lorne's home dimension arrive? A: Team Angel; Q: Who investigates the portal activity? A: more portal activity; Q: What do Team Angel find evidence of around the city? A: Lorne's cousin; Q: Who joins the hunt for the demon? Summary: When a demon from Lorne's home dimension of Pylea arrives in LA, Lorne goes to Angel for help. The demon came through a portal and, as Team Angel investigates, they find evidence of more portal activity around the city. When Lorne's cousin arrives from Pylea, he joins in their hunt for the demon.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.] Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture! Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and you're captured, you're in for a big surprise. Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean it's bad enough that I'm in love with my roommates girlfriend-which by the way, I think she knows. Because every time we're in the room together there's this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when I've seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, she's smooth! Smooth! (leaves) (Pause) Phoebe: Wow! Could everyone totally see up his robe? All: Yeah! Oh my God! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.] Casey: Here you go. Joey: Great! All right, so I'll call you later. Casey: Great! (leaves) Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that? Joey: That would be Casey. We're going out tonight. Chandler: Goin' out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didn't work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer. Joey: No, things are fine with Kathy. I'm having a late dinner with her tonight, right after my early dinner with Casey. Chandler: (shocked) What? Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs) Chandler: Wait! You're going out with Kathy! Joey: Yeah. Why are you getting so upset? Chandler: Well, I'm upset-for you. I mean, having s*x with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He can't believe he just sad that.) Joey: What is the big deal? It's not like we're exclusive. Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that she's-she's smart, and funny, and gets you. Joey: You got all that from the back of her head? Chandler: All right look, I think it's time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane. Joey: Who's Elaine? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.] Phoebe: (singing) "Little, tiny Tarzan, swinging on a nose hair. Swinging with the greatest of ease..." Darn it! Now, I don't know who to get to the next verse. Ross: Oh, you could just go uh, "greatest of ease... (plays air guitar) BAH-bah-bha-bhannn." Then go right into it. Phoebe: Yeah, ooh, I like that! Yeah. Wait! How do you know about 'bah-bah-bha-bhan?' Ross: Well umm, y'know, I used to play. Phoebe: Oh yeah, that's right, the keyboards, huh? Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean that's-that's when I really found my sound. (Monica is taking a drink as Ross says that, laughs, and snorts her drink.) Monica: Oh God! Orange juice just came out of my nose, but it was totally worth it. Oh my God, I completely forgot about your sound. Ross: Yeah. Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound." Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound." Ross: Really? No. I mean, nah, I haven't played in so long, and-and, well it's-it's really personal stuff, y'know? Phoebe: Come on, play that funky music white boy. Monica: Yeah! Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up in-No, yeah, okay. (Runs out.) [Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."] Ross: Okay, guys. Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you... Ross: Here we go. (Plays one note) Y'know, I've-I've never played my stuff for anyone before, so it's important that-that you understand it's about communicating very private emotions. (Plays another note) Y'know, umm, you should-you should think of umm, my work as wordless sound poems. That's what I'm... Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play! (Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.) Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm... terrific. Chandler: Really, bitchin'! Phoebe: Wow, it was so-wow! Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!! Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public! Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. That's uh-ohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. I'll be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, I'm-I am so... (starts to break up and leaves) Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement! Rachel: Oh, I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers. Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus it's just, it's so different from the stuff you usually hear. Chandler: You mean like, music? [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.] Chandler: Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy. (There's a knock on the door.) Chandler: Come in! Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees what's on TV) Oh God, is that Baywatch? Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles. Kathy: So is Joey around? Chandler: No-no, he's not back yet, but he'll be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern? Kathy: I uh, don't really have a preference. You? Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) ...of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello. Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, it's me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble. Chandler: What happened? Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that I'll be there as soon as I can. Chandler: Why can't you tell her? Joey: 'Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to-(he stops talking suddenly) Chandler: Joey! Joey!! Joey: Yeah? Chandler: I thought your time ran out. Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more-(his time runs out for real) Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. He's running a little late, he says he's sorry. Kathy: Oh. Chandler: So I guess it's just uh, you and me then. Kathy: Oh, okay. Chandler: Yeah, I think it is! Kathy: So what did you do today? Chandler: Oh, I had an appointment to get my haircut... Kathy: (interrupting) Oh, it looks great! Chandler: ...and then it got canceled. Kathy: Well, I could cut it. Chandler: Really?! You do that? Kathy: Yeah, I do. Of course, I learned at my aunt's dog grooming shop, but hey, what do you say? Chandler: Dog grooming huh? Okay, just don't make my tail too poofy. [Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandler's hair.] Kathy: You have really great hair. Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Y'know who also has great hair is Joey! Kathy: Yes! Yeah! Joey has great hair! Umm, I'm basically done here. Just let me get this off your neck. (Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.) Chandler: What-what 'cha doin'? Kathy: Checking to see if it's even. Chandler: 'Kay. Kathy: Looks good. (They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.) Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phone's making sounds! (On phone) Hello! Joey: (on phone) Hey dude, it's me. Chandler: Hey it's Joey! Joey: Listen uh, I'm really sorry, it looks like I'm gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasn't there! Chandler: What? Joey: Yeah, it must've fallen out a few blocks back. I just figured we hit a dog. Chandler: Okay. Joey: Listen uh, could you put Kathy on, I wanna apologize. Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.) Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no it's fine, don't worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, it's okay. (listens) Yeah! I'll talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go. Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah. (Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.) Kathy: I forgot my purse. Chandler: Oh. (They kiss, passionately.) Kathy: No, I really did forget my purse. (They kiss again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.] Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! It's bad! This is bad! Kathy: Horrible! Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation? Kathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good. Chandler: Okay! Kathy: No, but that's bad! Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Here's what we do, we-we forget it happened. Kathy: What?! Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means we're unhappy forever. Sound good? Kathy: Can you really do that? Chandler: I have to; he's my best friend, and you're seeing him. Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you... Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Don't! Don't! See-see, you're getting me confused, I'm starting to urn. Kathy: I'm sorry. If you wanna pretend that nothing happened, I can try. Chandler: I-I think we have too. Kathy: Okay. Bye. Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there? Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.) [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasn't improved.] Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time... Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, there's a Starbucks about three blocks down. Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) It's so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go! [cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly 'cause he's done.] Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys... Monica: (to Phoebe) Hey, aren't you up next? Phoebe: Oh no, I'm not playing tonight. Rachel: Why not? Phoebe: I can't follow Ross! It'd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No. Monica: Phoebe, Ross sucks! Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him. Phoebe: Oh my God, he's not even appreciated in his own time. I would give anything to not be appreciated in my own time! (Rachel and Monica look at each other, and agree on something without saying anything.) Monica: Okay. Umm, Phoebe, you suck too. Rachel: Yeah, Phoebe you're... awful! Phoebe: You guys. You suck too. (She hugs them both.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.] Joey: Aww man! I can't believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.) Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.) Joey: (rushing in) Oh my God! What happened here? Did you do all this? Chandler: I sure did. Joey: Why? Chandler: Well, I just thought it'd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend. Joey: Well, you're amazing. Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.) Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! That's the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff? Chandler: Well, y'know I'm 29. I mean who needs a savings account. Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had. Chandler: Oh, I don't know. Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, I'm gonna do that. Chandler: You mean with Casey. Joey: No-no-no, I think I'm gonna see how things go with Kathy. She's pretty cool. Chandler: Or Casey. Joey: No-no, Kathy. Chandler: Could be Casey. Joey: No. No, Kathy. Chandler: Consider Casey. Joey: Y'know what I think? I think somebody's got a little crush on Casey. How 'bout I fix you two up? What do you think? Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Ross has just finished playing.] Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey! Phoebe: Hey! You were really great! You were really, really great! Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you don't want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true? Phoebe: Well, kinda. Yeah. Yeah. Ross: Pheebs... Phoebe: Yeah, I-I can't-I mean y'know I was trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about it, I just-I feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. I... Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Y'know my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I... I won't play anymore. Phoebe: Oh no. No-no-no, don't do that! How could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving the world of your music. Ross: Yeah, okay. [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.] Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice. Monica: Yeah! Joey has the best boyfriend ever! Chandler: I kissed Kathy. Ross: What? Monica: Are you serious? Phoebe: Does Joey know? Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think he'll understand this? Monica: You obviously haven't screwed over a lot of your friends. (They all look at her) Which we all appreciate. Ross: No the-the sad thing is, if you had told him how you felt before you kissed her, knowing Joey, he probably just would've just stepped aside. Chandler: Oh, don't say that! Don't say that. That's not true. Is it? Phoebe: I think maybe, yeah. Monica: He loves you. Chandler: Then why didn't you tell me to do that?!! Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe. Phoebe: Yeah! No, that's right. And I thought it was a really good idea. Rachel: I know, I remember that! Monica: I remember you did. Chandler: God!! (Sits down in disgust.) What am I gonna do?! Rachel: Well, Chandler, you're gonna have to tell him. Chandler: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?! Rachel: Because you do. Chandler: Yeah, I know. Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hey! Samboucha Margarita? Chandler: Is that a real thing? Joey: Well, we only had samboucha, so it is now. Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something. Joey: What's up? Chandler: It's-it's about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually. Joey: You do? Chandler: Yeah. Joey: Well, you're timing couldn't be better. She's not my girlfriend anymore. Chandler: What? Joey: Yeah, she broke up with me. Chandler: Oh uh, when? Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, that's why I let people watch. Chandler: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you okay? Joey: Well, I've been better. But, I'm all right. So you like her huh? Chandler: Yes, but I-I uh, don't have too. Joey: No-no-no, no it's uh, it's okay. Chandler: Yeah? Joey: Yeah. You know why? 'Cause you can to me first. Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do. Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have you're work cut out for you. 'Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that she's into some other guy. So... Chandler: See uh, that's-that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is. Joey: Who? Chandler: It's me. I'm the other guy. Joey: What? Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and... Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?! Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her. Joey: What?!! That's even worse!! Chandler: How is that worse?! Joey: I don't know! But it's the same! Chandler: Look, I'm sorry! But there's nothing I can do, I think I'm in love with her! Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back! I would never do that to you! Chandler: You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line. Joey: Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you! Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me! Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, y'know what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and there's a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that I'm not gonna eat! You know why?! Chandler: Probably because... Joey: Because it's all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And I'm not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.) CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.] Phoebe: Oh my God, he's lost it. He's totally lost it. Monica: (removing ear plugs) What? Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves. (Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.) Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Y'know, I'm not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set? Phoebe: After that? Yeah! No, I mean if I can help. (Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.) Ross: Yeah, like I could lose it. Rachel: What? Ross: I played bad on purpose guys. (Both Monica and Rachel laugh.) Monica: Okay, so you were trying to play bad this whole time. Ross: Yeah-no, just that last song.
Plan: A: Ross; Q: Who starts playing keyboards again? A: the gang; Q: Who is shocked by Ross's compositions? A: his unusual compositions; Q: What does Phoebe think is brilliant about Ross's keyboard playing? A: Phoebe; Q: Who thinks Ross's compositions are brilliant? A: Chandler; Q: Who's feelings for Kathy reach a breaking point? A: things; Q: What does Chandler try to fix after telling Joey the truth? A: Joey; Q: Who is outraged that Chandler told him the truth about Kathy? A: another woman; Q: What is Joey dating at the same time as Chandler and Kathy? Summary: Ross starts playing keyboards again leaving the gang aghast by his unusual compositions which Phoebe thinks are brilliant. Chandler's feelings towards Kathy reach a breaking point after they kiss. He vainly tries to fix things after telling Joey the truth. Joey is outraged, even though he is dating another woman at the same time.
Lou: Previously on "Heartland": Miranda: Tim, what if someone notices? What if someone says something? What's the big deal? Shane is the big deal. Tim: It's about Miranda. There could be something and there could be nothing. I just wondered if you could keep it under your hat. I might have given Caleb the impression that you weren't the perfect husband all the time. You discussed our marriage with Caleb? (Violent punch, Caleb grunts in pain) Aw, hell, Lou, that's no way to say goodbye. Lou: Caleb, what are you doing? Amy: Easy, Denver, it's okay. (Denver snuffles) Amy: Good boy. Easy. Whoa, Denver. (Rope scrapes) Ty: Okay, it's tied off. Amy: Okay. All right. Ty: Give it a go. (Log scrapes) (Denver whinnies shrilly) Amy: Whoa! Ty: Easy! Amy, hold on! Amy: Denver! Hey! Ty: Amy! Let go! Let go of the rope! Amy: (Grunts) (Grunts in pain) Ty: Amy! (Denver whinnies shrilly) (Groans) You okay? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. (Denver snorts restlessly) I don't get it. I mean, I thought he just had a problem with cattle, but-- Nope. Seems like that log makes Denver buck just as hard. You know, as soon as I pulled that rope tight he just snapped. That's not a good habit for a ropin' horse to have. Yeah, thanks, Dr. obvious. I'm just trying to help you out here. Yeah? You're not avoiding anatomy? I'm avoiding physiology. Both: (Laugh) But you do need help with that horse. Yeah, I think I'm gonna do some groundwork now though, so, that means... Study break's over? Mm-hmm. Okay. Thanks. Call me later. Ty: Okay. Jack: Another post card for you and Peter from camp. I'm sure Georgie will send you one too. Hey, I'm glad. It means she's too busy having fun. Doesn't matter to me. Come on, Grandpa, you totally miss her. Well, of course I do, but I'm also capable of keeping myself occupied. I'm working with your dad. We're gonna build those new buck feeders. What, he hasn't weaseled out of that one yet? Jack: Oh, not that he hasn't tried. Lou: (Chuckles) (Ominous music) (Slams door shut) (Door bangs loudly) Dude! Uh, it's not the last one, I swear. Tim: Why don't we just break out the welder and make these babies out of steel? They'll last a lot longer-- 'Cause I decided to go with wood. Tim: Well, your decisions always... (Lumber clanks) ...mean more work for me. (Truck rumbles up) Jack: Now who is this? Tim: I don't know, he's probably lost. Hey, Dad! That's Shane. Shane? Did you hitchhike here all the way from Saskatchewan? No. No, it's just from the bus station. What have I told you about that, huh? You know how dangerous that is. Does your mother know you're here? She better know you're here or you and I'll be in a lot of trouble. Okay, listen, I have to tell you something. It's about Mom. What? Is she okay? Yeah, yeah. She's fine. Good. She has a new boyfriend. ♪ And at the break of day ♪ ♪ you sank into your dream, ♪ ♪ you dreamer. ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪ ♪ You dreamer, ♪ ♪ you dreamer. ♪ So, uh, I'm obviously gonna have to cut out. Obviously. You uh... wanna know why he's here? (Chuckles) He thinks that Miranda has a new boyfriend. So why does that make you smile? (Whispers) It's me. It's me, Jack. He found a bottle of aftershave-- Western Leather. That's my brand. So, are you gonna-- You gonna tell him you're the guy? I don't know, I don't know. I called Miranda. She's on her way here. We'll talk about it. (Chuckles) Hey, good luck with those feeders. Jack: Thanks. Caleb: You shoulda seen the wild look in your eyes. Ty: Well, how was I supposed to know it was you? The door was wide open. Where's your truck, anyway? Uh, it's still in the shop. Ty: Again, dude? Caleb: Yeah, I had a little transmission trouble outside Black Diamond. Ty: That's never good. Mmm. You clock as many miles as I do, you just sort of expect this thing to happen. Since when did you become so zen? You making good money on the circuit? Ah, you know me, I don't like to toot my own horn. Then again, I can't; It doesn't work either. (Ty and Caleb chuckle, truck rumbles up) Amy: Caleb! You're back. And you left this. Yes. But it looks like you're on another study break anyway. Ah, just catching up with my new roomie. Isn't it a little cramped in the trailer? You know the loft is still empty. I'm just dashin' through town a couple of days, so it's... Oh, well, do you have enough time to help me with a ropin' horse that bucks? Interesting. I'll pay you for your time. Really interesting. (Laughs) Okay, when can you come by? Caleb: Um... you know what? Maybe it's not such a good idea for me to come around the ranch right now. Tim: So, what does she say about this guy? Does she describe him as rugged, good looking, charming? I don't know anything about him. You know, when I... When I saw the cologne, I knew she didn't buy it for me. Well, it doesn't mean she's dating anybody. Why else would she spend a weekend in Lake Louise? Lake Louise? I saw a receipt for a fancy romantic spa package... For two. Really. Yeah. She's been acting, I don't know, kind of different lately. Wearing fancy clothes, getting her hair styled, going out to make these secret phone calls. That... doesn't sound like your mother. I know. It seems kinda suspicious, doesn't it? Yeah, sure does. Lake Louise. Shane: That was good. Tim: Yeah, yeah, it's always good. How were those fries? Shane: Aw, they were really good. (Chuckles) Tim: Hey! Shane: Hey, Caleb! Hey, Shane. How's it goin'? Uh, things are good, really good. Not convinced. Bill for my truck. The new tranny must be made of gold. Ouch! Ooh. That kinda hurts, huh? Especially with your record on the circuit these days. Yeah, I still follow the results. It's just a slump. Can I offer you some advice? No, thanks, I'm good. It not a slump. I think it just might be time for you to give up the rodeo. What? You're kidding. Yeah, he's way too young to retire. When I was his age, I was winnin' all the major rodeos, except I had a sweet little endorsement deal. Really? I was still barely keeping my head above water. No, winnin' sometimes isn't enough for rodeo. It's an all the time thing, and if you're not... (Sucks his teeth) You might have to think about getting a real job. What else should I do? They might need a potato peeler at Maggie's. (Drill whirs) (Truck rumbles up) Rich: Hey, Jack. Jack: Rich Wannstedt, how the heck have you been? I'm good, Jack. I just got into town, I thought I'd pop by to see what's new. Oh, same old same old. You still runnin' those bronc riding competitions in Montana? Yes, sir. I'm actually lookin' to expand up in Alberta, so I need to find somebody I can trust to run the Canadian side of it for me. Yeah, well, I could probably come up with a few names you should talk to. No, Jack, I want you. Oh, you can't be serious! Well, why not? You'd be the perfect guy. I don't think so. (Country song ringtone rings) Oh... Just think about it, okay, Jack? (Cell phone beeps on) Hey, Barry. Tim: Rich! Nice truck. You overcompensatin' for somethin'? Rich: Yeah, great to see you too, Tim. Ah, don't worry about it, Barry. Just, uh, headin' out now. What's the matter? You still not over the time he beat you at the Calgary Stampede? She's seeing another guy. Who? Miranda. She's got a new boyfriend. She went on some romantic getaway to Lake Louise. I thought we had an understanding. No. You thought as long as you didn't talk about it you wouldn't have to make a commitment, and now... Well, it's come back around to bite you in the ass. Amy: Grandpa says you came all the way here to talk to Dad about something? Shane: Yeah, my mom's seeing some guy. And what's wrong with that? Well, it just always gets complicated. So, what, she's not allowed to see other guys? No, it's just things have been going great lately, with Mom and Dad getting along so well... So you think that Dad can help with that? Maybe he can just talk some sense into her. (Car approaches) Oh. Uh-oh! Amy: Hello, Miranda, it's nice to see you. Miranda: Yeah, you too. This trip was a little unexpected. Seriously, Shane, again? I'm sorry, Mom, I just really needed to-- Tim: Miranda. Glad you made it. Hi. Let's get you settled in. Not until I have a word with our son. Oh, that can wait. Come on, follow me to the dude ranch. Miranda: You're still in trouble, buddy. Tim: Let's just go. (Door opens) Miranda: Hey! Tim: You're seein' a new guy? Miranda: What? Tim: You got a new boyfriend. What're you talking-- Shane told me all about your little trip to Lake Louise, how you've been tartin' it up, sneaking off to whisper sweet nothings into the phone. Tarting up? Sweet nothings? (Laughs) Tim: Oh, I'm glad you think this is funny, but the joke's on me. Who is this idiot?! You're the idiot. You're the idiot I've been trying to impress, sneaking calls to you like a... like a lovesick teenager. I'm not the one that you were havin' a mud wrap with in Lake Louise. No, that was Cheryl. She had a hotel weekend package and her husband got called away to work, so... (Laughing) we turned it into a girl's weekend! I'm an idiot. Yes... yes, you are. (Chuckles) Tim: (Laughing) I'm an idiot. Miranda: (Giggles) Lou: Miranda, hello? (Knocks lightly) Oh my God! Tim: Lou! Miranda: Lou! (Door bangs shut) Tim: This is not what it looks like! Lou: (Whispers) Oh my God! Oh my God. Amy: Do you want some bacon bits? No, thank you. She likes hers undressed. (Lou chokes) Tim: I mean she likes hers plain, with nothing on. Lou: (Coughs nervously) The potato. I like potatoes. I'll have a potato. So, I hear that my old rival wants to bring his bronc shows up to Canada. Did that have anything to do with rich snooping around today? He might've mentioned somethin' about that. Tim: Mm-hmm. Don't think I don't know what he's up to-- Sniffing around you to get to me. Excuse me? Well, he's gonna have to swallow his pride and come beggin' to me to run his new deal for him. Well, actually, Tim, he's asked me to run it for him. Tim: Oh. Amy: That's great! Grandpa, way to go. Don't go jumpin' to conclusions. I'm turnin' him down. Amy: No, come on, you gotta do it. Jack: There's too much to do around here. I-- Hey, what about Caleb? Maybe he could help out. Jack: Well, uh, Caleb is on the road right now. Shane: Actually, he's not. We just saw him in town, and it sure sounds like he could use a job. Well, there were some other issues with Caleb's work. Amy: Don't you think it's time for you and Caleb to deal with those "work" issues, Lou? So, Shane, what are you gonna get up to tomorrow? Tim: Trail riding with pal. Jack: Well, isn't that nice. No, don't worry, Tim, i'll build those feeders by myself. Great. Excellent. That's very generous of you. It's no problem, Jack, I'm glad to help out. I'll be there at 9:00. Okay, see you tomorrow. Bye. Ty: "Career College?" What are you gonna do with this? Well... I figure it's time I get a real job. Ty: Like a 9-to-5? Are you kidding? What happened to the rodeo? It's not a career if you spend more than you ever make. What's with the sudden negativity? I thought you were on a hot streak? It ended. They come fast and go even faster. Let's face it, if it wasn't for the rodeo I wouldn't be so broke, I wouldn't have to rely on your rent cheques so much, and... I probably wouldn't be so divorced. Look... I think you'd feel a whole lot better if you had a couple bucks in your pocket. So, why don't you call Amy? She still needs some help with that horse. I am not going over there. Look, the last time I saw Lou I said goodbye and I... I meant it. You're scared of her, aren't ya? I'm not scared. I just, I don't want things to get weird again. Well, the longer you stay away, the weirder things are gonna get. Hmm. (Scrubbing) Amy: What was going on with you at dinner? Nothing. Come on, Lou, there was definitely something going on between you, Dad, and Miranda. You guys couldn't even look each other in the eye. Yeah, well, let's just say I already got an eyeful. Leave it alone. Well, leave what alone? What's going on? Okay. But you better brace yourself. I... walked in on them. You walked in on them... Do you mean... Yeah. They were... Oh, yeah. Oh my... Hey, I'm the one who can't scrub the image from my brain. Well, how long has this been going on? Jack: Oh, nearly five months now. Lou: You knew? Sort of, yeah. And you didn't say anything? What good would that have done? Well, I wouldn't have just walked in on... What I walked in on. Ugh. Shane: Hey, did you bring those muffins, Mom? Miranda: Yeah, they're in my saddle bag. Did you find anything out? You guys were alone in the cabin for a long time. Yeah. We were talking... about school, you. So, no, I didn't really find the right time to ask about the boyfriend. Hmm... So you got nothing. I'm gonna- I'll get something. Okay. So I heard you got some good write-ups about your play. Look, you don't have to pretend to be interested. Are you kidding me? I loved it. Shane: You read it? Tim: Well, the part about the rodeo dad who was all full of himself was a bit over the top. Shane and Tim: (Laugh) Amy: What, Georgie still hasn't sent you a letter? I'm just lookin' for the phone bill here. Right. And you're late. Ty: What? Only by five minutes. Well, I'm wonderin' what happened to people doin' what they say they're gonna do. What's up with him? Georgie said she'd write. She hasn't. Oh. Don't worry about that. He'll get over it. Thanks for coming and helping him out. No problem. Gives me an excuse to come see you. You don't need an excuse. Both: (Laugh) Lou: Ugh! You guys, get a room! What's up with her? You don't wanna know. Hey, I think I convinced Caleb to come help you with Denver. That's great, thanks. Yeah, maybe it'll help him get his mojo back. He's been lookin' at all these crazy career options, and this morning he was on the phone getting information about becoming a mall cop. Really. Yeah. (Sighs) Well, maybe you can talk to Grandpa about his career opportunity. What career opportunity? (Hammer bangs) Ty: So, Jack, tell me about this amazing new job offer you got. Jack: (Chuckles) Yeah, sure it is, if you want to spend your life travellin' all over hell's half acre dealing with venues and sponsors and stock providers and... Come on, it's the rodeo. Yeah, and this ranch just runs itself, does it? Well... Lou already takes care of the finances. It would force Tim to pick up his end with the herd. (Chuckles) Yeah. Come on, Jack, can you honestly say you don't miss that whole game? Well, of course I do. Cowboys, you know, friends, that excitement you get when they're puttin' the rough stock in the chute there for ya. (Chuckles) All the pretty girls, they ride into the arena with their flags wavin' and... The crowd, you know, that sound they make after a good ride, that's... That was another time. Doesn't have to be. You're always doin' stuff for everyone else, maybe it's time you did something for you. Yeah. I think more hammerin' and less yammerin'. (Bridle clatters, Caleb gasps) Lou: Grandpa? (Door opens) Grandpa, is that you? Caleb: Hey, Lou. Hi, Caleb. How are you? Good. You're good? Yeah, good. Amy: Hey. Amy! Hi, Amy. Well, I should get to work on the horse. Yeah, me too. I should get back to work. Lou and Caleb: (Clear their throats) Lou: Work to do, yup. (Steer moos) Tim: (Chuckle (Rope whips) Tim: Looks like you finally found a steer you can keep up with, huh? (Steer snorts and bellows) Caleb: Huh! Whoa! Huh! (Denver whinnies sharply) Caleb: (Gasp) Whoa! (Denver whinnies shrilly) Caleb: (Grunts) Whoa! Amy: Ride it through, Caleb, you can do it! Caleb: (Grunts in pain) (Groans) (Steer moos) Tim: Just another day at the office, huh, buddy? I'm fine, thanks. Tim: I'm sorry, honey, but that- that guy's never gonna make a ropin' horse. Well, that's the only kind of horse that my client owns, Dad. Tim: Well, your client should get rid of him, 'cause nobody'd be crazy enough to buy a horse that bucks like that. Thanks, Dad, that's helpful. I call 'em as I see 'em. Come on. You know, he's really got a knack for telling me exactly what I don't wannna hear. Especially when he's right. [SCENE_BREAK] (Wrench cranks) Tim: Wow! You guys still aren't finished? Well, feel free to grab a hammer. Tim: Actually, uh, I want to talk to you. Jack: Yup. Seems to be a trend around here. Hey... There are actually locks on those cabin doors, you know? (Laughing) Oh, did she tell you about that? Hope she's okay. Well, I don't think you damaged her permanently, no, but you might want to let sleeping dogs lie. I'm sure it's the last thing she wants to talk about. Miranda: Hey, Lou, I think we should talk. Oh... Hi. Uh, yes. Is everything okay with your cabin? Yes, thank you. Good! Did you need more towels? No, we're good. More soap? No. Oh, potpourri. Lou... Look, I know this is awkward, but I just wanna apologize. No, I'm the one who should apologize. Really, I shouldn't have just barged in on... That. Can we just not talk about this? Sure. Great. But I hope you know this isn't some crazy fling for me, and it's getting pretty serious. I just don't wanna make a big deal out of it. Well, it sure seemed like a big deal when you thought there was some other guy. Oh, I want it to be exclusive... And casual. Exclusively casual. And I'm actually starting to think that we have a future together. I just don't think we should get ahead of ourselves. You know what I mean. And maybe, maybe, I don't know, it's time we settle down. That's why I don't think we should tell Shane. And I think it's time we tell Shane. And what would you say? Well, maybe that we're ready to be a family. You mean... Marriage? I don't know. Maybe. Why not? (Uncomfortable chuckle) (Giggles) Lou: You should have heard her going on and on about Dad, like she is totally smitten. I think it's more serious than we thought. Really? Like how serious? She actually used the "M" word. Marriage? Jack: (Chokes) Lou: You okay? Yeah, I'm fine, I just... Surprised me is all. Well, maybe there's hope for those two after all. Great day, huh? Yeah, it was fun. (Chuckles) And I've been thinking about our dilemma. Which one's that? Telling Shane. Oh, me too. And I think we should-- Keep it under wraps. Totally agree, 100 percent. You-what? You're thinking... Well, yeah, why not? Well, I just didn't wanna make it a big deal. Well, it is a big deal, at least it is to me. Oh, that's... That's not what I meant. It's just things have been going so well between us, and me and Shane. Why mess with success? Well, he's gonna find out at some point. I just don't see any good reason why we should keep it a secret. Well, why don't we sleep on it? All right. (Whispers) No, no, no! He might be watching. Oh, well, okay. Tim: See you tomorrow. Miranda: Yeah. Ty: All right, Caleb, let's get goin'. I don't want Jack to jump all over me for being late again. Caleb: Hey, what do you think about underwater welding and construction? Can you even swim? It's never too late to learn. Well, what happened to the laser eye technician that you were on about last night? World of options, Ty. Hey, uh, I need a favour. When we get to the ranch, would you mind checking the barn office for me? Yeah, I do mind, and I hope Lou's in there so you're forced to cowboy up. You're gonna have to deal with this sometime, man, so it might as well be today. Come on, dude, help a brother out. Fine, I'll poke my head in the office, but if she's there I'm tellin' her you wanna talk. Caleb: Don't you dare, Borden! Georgie on recording: And then I had to sleep beside Emily Dinsmore. More like Emily Din-snore. No! Like Emily Din-snore-more! (Giggles) She sounds like a rusty old chainsaw! I thought you were bad. Seriously, I had to zip up my sleeping bag over my head! I practically suffocated myself, but it was better than listening to her all night. Jack: (Chuckles) Georgie: I think I'm gonna stick a close pin on her nose if I have to sleep beside her again. Is that Georgie? Yeah. Yeah, she uh... She sent me her voice recorder in the mail. (Chuckles) What, like a letter on tape kind of thing? Ah, yeah, kind of like that. Oh, don't tell, Lou, 'cause she's only been sendin' her these two and three word postcards. She's the reason you didn't wanna take the job, isn't she? We're done talkin' about that. Ty: I totally get it, Jack. You want to be here for her, but you can do both. I bet she'd think it'd be pretty cool if you took her to some of those events. It's a whole new world you could show her. Let's get to work. Lou: (Sighs heavily) Damn it. Amy: What? Nothing. Amy: You know, I really don't get this thing with you and Caleb. There is no "thing," okay? Really? Didn't seem like it in the barn the other day. Lou... Is there something that you're telling me? No! Amy, that's enough! Then why you can't you just get past this? I don't know, okay? I don't know why it's blown up into this big stupid deal! Maybe because you let it. (Denver snorts) Caleb: Yup. Rich: Looks like he's got a real attitude, that one. Caleb: Yeah, tell me about it. He's been drivin' his owner crazy. Caleb. Caleb Odell. Right, you've ridden in a couple of my competitions. Yes, sir, Mr. Wannstedt. What brings you to town? Well, I'm gonna run some bronc riding competitions up here next season, and I'm hopin' to get Jack to agree to run it for me. He'd be perfect for it. Yeah, if I can pry him away from the ranch long enough to do it. (Chuckles) Good luck. Yeah, thanks. You know you should get that guy in a chute some time, see if he can do the real deal. Rich: So, Jack, what do you say? You wanna get back in the game? You know, Rich... (Lumber thumps loudly) I appreciate the offer, and it really would be a lot of fun... Uh-oh! I think I know where this is going. Well, actually, I was gonna say... I'm in. Let's do it. Rich: That's great! That is a load off my mind. Things are moving pretty quick. We're already behind the eight ball. So let's sit down and I'll bring you up to speed. Sure, but I was kinda in the middle of this project here. Ty: Oh, hey, I've got it, Jack, you go ahead. (Cell phone chimes) Oh, shoot! I was supposed to meet this guy at the rodeo grounds an hour ago. How about I come back in a few hours and we talk about our trip to Grand Prairie. Grand Prairie? Yeah, well, that's where we're holding the first event. We gotta get everything set up asap. Well, I suppose I could rearrange some things. When were you thinkin' of going? Well, tomorrow. Tomorrow? Now, wait a minute-- I'll fill you in on all the details when I get back. Damn, Jack, it is good to have you on board. (Slaps his arm) (Cell phone beeps on) Hey, Bill. Yeah, comin' right at you, buddy. Grand Prairie, that's a hell of a drive. It'll be a good road trip for ya. Yeah. Lou: Hey, there. (Stall door bangs shut) Caleb: Hey, Lou. Nice of you to help Amy out with that horse. Ah, don't worry. I won't be here much longer. Hey, doesn't bother me. (Chuckles) Come on. After everything that's happened between us... (Sighs) Actually, Caleb, when you think about it, nothing really has happened, so... There really is no reason for us to be all weird with each other, so let's just not, okay? I think it's a little more complicated than that. How did we let this stupid thing snowball like this? I mean, you and Peter got past it, why can't we? It's different. How did you guys settle it, anyway? I'd prefer to keep that between me and Peter. What, because of some stupid "guy's code"? What, did you spit on your hands and shake on it? Chug a beer? You do a man hug- I let him hit me. He did what? Yeah, right in the face, Even Steven. (Hard slap) (Gasps in pain) (Satisfied gasp) What was that for? Kissing a married woman. Wow! That really does feel better. So... Are we good? Yes, we are. (Chuckles) (Door opens) Jack: Hey, there. Hey. Good tunes? Oh, I'm just listenin' to Georgie's adventures at camp. Tim says you've been great with that girl. Bridgin' the generation gap. Miranda: (Chuckles) Can I ask you something? Sure. This might sound odd. Um... What were Tim and Marion like together? Oh, well... You know, things kinda went off the rails after his accident there... No, I mean before that, early on. Well, those were certainly happier times. I still remember the day Tim asked for my permission to marry her, right after he beat me in a bull-dogging competition, if you can believe that. (Laughs) Yeah, it sounds like Tim. Jack: Well, he's always had guts, I'll tell ya. But I said they were too young, they were too broke, and just... Too flat out different, but, of course, he asked her anyway. Oh, it seems like Tim and I have every reason to settle down, but I just feel that there's something holding him back. Well... I think that uh... Well, the more serious things get, I think the more scared he gets. When he and Marion split, it was ugly. He pretty much lost all contact with his girls, so that meant that Amy and Lou, they had to grow up without their father. Now... I'm not sayin' that's gonna happen with you guys, it's just... Maybe that's something that he's hung up on. Why don't you just talk to him, make him see that there's nothin' to worry about? Right. Caleb: Come on, get up there, Denver. Amy: You sure you wanna do this? Caleb: Trust me, this is what he's meant to do. He's Denver, the horse that bucks a mile high. Amy: You've already got a slogan for him? I gotta hunch on this. You know, if Rich says he's got potential, I might buy him. You know, maybe raising stock could be a new career for me. Ty: Well, I have to admit it's more in your ballpark than a yoga instructor. Amy: (Chuckles) Good luck. (Denver snorts) (Metal gate clanks) Caleb: Ho! Ungh! Onlookers: (Shout encouragement) Nice, Caleb! Rich: Take it on, Caleb! Amy: Nice, Caleb! Jack: (Chuckling) That a boy, Caleb! Rich: All right! Nice! Hang on! Hang on! Caleb: Whoa! Shane: Hang on, Caleb! Amy: Yeah, Caleb! Caleb: (Grunts) Rich: Spur him hard, spur him high! (Echoing snorts and whinnies) Caleb: Whoa! Whoa! (Grunts) Ty: Good job! Look out! Amy: Whoa, Denver, whoa! Ty: (Laughs) Jack: Atta boy, Caleb! Shane: Hey, that was awesome! Jack: Good ride, Caleb! Caleb: How was the horse? He has a real kick. Jack: Well, he comes out strong, doesn't go too far. Judges'll get a good look at him. He was born to buck. If I were you, i'd go ahead and buy him and then I'd get him some exposure on my circuit. You could take a horse like that down to that big auction in Vegas, he could fetch up to six figures. Ty and Caleb: (Laugh) Caleb. You want a partner in that horse? Caleb: Naw, naw, you were right; You'd have to be crazy to buy a horse that bucks like that. I've got crazy covered. Rich: (Chuckles) You didn't see what you had in that horse? Wow. You're kinda losin' your touch, buddy. All: (Chuckle) (Door opens) Tim: (Chuckles) Hi. Miranda: Hey, how was the river? Aw, you should've seen the fish Dad caught. Yeah, and the horse that got away. What? Oh, nothin'. Miranda: Shane, could you go get some wood for the fireplace before it gets dark? Yeah, okay. Tim and Miranda: Thanks. (Door opens and closes) He's having a great time. Yeah, he is. What about you? What? You still... Oh, you're still obsessing about telling Shane? No. Well, sort of. I went up to the ranch today and had a chat with Jack. Great. Great. So how was he runnin' me down this time? No, it wasn't like that. Well, he obviously said something. He thinks you're afraid our relationship could screw up what you have with Shane. What is he, a psychologist now? Don't get all defensive. I actually get where you're coming from. Where I'm coming from?! I never said that! Miranda: No, but you're thinking it! And you're right, why should we get Shane's hopes up if this could all come to an end? Like it did with you and Marion, and like it did with you and me. That's enough. No. Imagine how it would affect Shane if things didn't work out between us. So what do you suggest we do? Miranda? Ty: Hey, there you are. All done. One less thing for you to worry about. Well, that is a good thing, 'cause rich just went over the itinerary and it looks like I could be away for awhile. You're gonna have a blast. Thanks for all your help. Any time, Jack, any time. (Truck pulls up) Tim: Jack. Miranda told me about your little chat. What're you talkin' about? You know damn well what I'm talking about. Look, Tim, she... She put me on the spot and-. Yeah, well you crossed the line this time, Jack. She dumped me. Amy: So I have some good news. Denver's owner's willing to sell him. Caleb: Awesome! Thank you, Amy. Now I just have to figure out how to pay back the bank loan. Amy: Well, you could keep riding. You can still make some good money on the circuit, you know. Caleb: You know, I have to admit, when that gate opened I realized that Denver is not the only one who was born to buck. Lou: Caleb, hey. Grandpa's heading out of town, so I need you to pick up the slack - and you can start by fixing the corral gate up at the dude ranch. Does that mean I have my job back? Depends how fast you fix that gate. (Chuckles) Well, you'll be happy to hear I cleared things up with Caleb. He's back. Well, that's good. Tell him to use dry bedding in those stalls. Got it. Make sure he keeps an eye on those waters... Right. 'Cause they could freeze up. Yes, of course. And that tractor, it uh... It needs to be plugged in overnight. Grandpa, we've got everything under control. So just go and do your thing and have some fun. (Chuckles) Okay. Lou: Georgie! Georgie: Hi, Remi! Jack: Hey, you're home! Hey, Jack! Jack: (Chuckling) Hey! You weren't supposed to be home for a couple of days! Well, one of the teachers came home early so I got a ride with her. I think I've had enough of camp. Oh, you missed us. Georgie: (Laughs) You going somewhere, Jack? He's off to Grand Prairie. Really? Lou: Grandpa got a great new job running some bronc riding competitions. Georgie: Oh. That sounds cool, I guess. Hey, you know what? I bet it's not too late to reschedule my whole trip. No, it's okay, Jack. You sure? Yes! I mean... I'll see you when you get back. (Truck rumbles) Miranda, wait. You need to hear me out. Forget about what Jack thinks, listen to what I think. I want us to go for it, be a couple, tell Shane, the whole nine yards. It'll work out. I can feel it in my gut. At the casino, people go with their gut feelings all the time, but you never really know what cards you're gonna be dealt. I'm not willing to gamble away your relationship with Shane. Shane, come on, let's go! Tim: Hey. So, did you find out what's up with that guy? Oh, there's no guy. That's a relief. Hey. Come here. (Car starts up) (Car rumbles away) Jack: (Chuckles) Lou: Have fun. Jack: Okay. And you, you be good. Georgie: Oh, um, wait, Jack! I almost forgot, you need to take this. Oh, did you record another message for me? No. It's your turn; I wanna hear all about your trip. (Chuckles) You got it. Georgie: Bye. ♪ That's why I tell you ♪ ♪ you better be home soon ♪ Lou: That was nice. Georgie: Yeah. (Truck rumbles down driveway) [SCENE_BREAK] Come on.
Plan: A: trouble; Q: What is Amy having with a roping horse that only wants to buck? A: broncs; Q: What is Caleb not sure he wants to ride anymore? A: Miranda; Q: Who is back in Hudson with Shane? A: Tim; Q: Who did Miranda break up with? A: months; Q: How long have Miranda and Tim been in a relationship? A: Jack; Q: Who takes a job at the ranch? A: a career opportunity; Q: What is Jack offered? Summary: Amy is having trouble dealing with a roping horse that only wants to buck and Caleb, who isn't sure he wants to ride broncs anymore. Shane and Miranda are back in Hudson. Lou and Amy find out that Miranda and Tim have been in a relationship for months. Miranda and Tim break up. Jack is offered a career opportunity and takes the job.
[Scene: Street. A building is on fire. Fire fighters are hosing down the building. Road blocks have been put up. Phoebe is standing near by. Paige pulls up in her car and gets out.] Phoebe: Paige, there you are. Paige: Anyone gotten hurt? Phoebe: Not as far as I can tell. Paige: Have you seen Agent Brody yet? Phoebe: What are we doing here? Paige: Well, he said for us to meet him here. He needed to talk to us about something important. Phoebe: Yeah, but Paige it's a fire. Paige: So? Phoebe: So we don't do fires. Firemen do fires. We do fireballs. Paige: Look, he said it was something connected to this new power thing he's been talking about. Phoebe: Yeah, well, we're not Brody's Angels. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just I'm stressed, it's my first week back at work and I have a lot of catching up to do. (Brody walks up to them.) Brody: Follow me. Keep an eye on the third floor. Phoebe: Wait? Why? Brody: Somebody's trapped inside and if I'm right, he's gonna jump and he's not gonna get hurt. Paige: How do you know? Brody: It's just a hunch. Phoebe: Just a hunch, huh, Agent Brody? Brody: Kyle. Phoebe: Whatever. Look, I don't mean to be rude but we don't really know you and I know you were right about the whole new power thing but I-I... (A man climbs out of the window in the building. There's an explosion inside and he falls. As he falls he grabs onto the fire escape ladder and it slides down to the ground. Two firemen rush over to him.) Whoa. Paige: Okay, how did you know that? Brody: Because that's the forth person it's happened to in the last month. Which means if the pattern holds, he's about to die. Paige: Pattern? What pattern? Phoebe: What? Brody: (in walkie talkie) All right, guys, stay on the survivor. And keep recording. (They see a helicopter hovering above the building.) Phoebe: Guys? Is he talking to that helicopter? Paige: He's really cool. (The man that just climbed out of the window walks down the sidewalk and is about to cross the road.) Brody: Sir, no! (Suddenly, everyone freezes. A man dressed in white appears beside the survivor.) Guardian Angel: Stop. Watch for the... (A demon smokes in.) Who are you? Sarpedon: A thief. (The amulet around the demon's neck glows and sucks in the guardian angel.) Looks like you're on your own. (Sarpedon smokes out and everyone unfreezes.) Brody: No, no, wait! (The survivor steps off the sidewalk and is hit by a truck.) Damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Street. They cover the man over. Agent Brody is talking to a police officer. Phoebe and Paige are standing near by.] Phoebe: I still don't understand how he knew this was gonna happen. Paige: I don't know why we couldn't have stopped it. Phoebe: Stop what? A man jumped out of a burning building only to get hit by a truck? I mean, what's the connection there? Paige: I'm hoping Kyle knows. Phoebe: Okay, you know, can we please call him Agent Brody until we can trust him? Paige: I trust him. (Agent Brody walks over.) Are you okay? Brody: No. I just wish I knew why this keeps happening. Paige: You said something about a pattern, right? Brody: Yeah. Every time something unusual happens, I investigate. The more unusual it is, the more it tends to lead me towards this new power that I was telling you about. Phoebe: Does this new power have a name? Brody: I don't know yet. Do you guys wanna walk? (They start walking down the sidewalk.) Paige: So you think that whole thing is what's killing these innocents? Brody: Well, I don't think they're literally running it down if that's what you're asking. But I do think they're doing something to cause them being killed. Phoebe: Hmm, what kind of something? Brody: I don't know. But whatever it is it's got something to do with taking powers. That's what they're all about. Phoebe: Wait. Powers? Innocents don't have powers. If they did, they wouldn't need us. Brody: All I know is things this unusual don't normally happen like this. Over and over. Something's going on here. Phoebe: Another hunch? Brody: Don't knock them, Phoebe. My hunches led me to you. Look, I can guarantee this is not going to be the last person that miraculously escaped a fire only to die moments later. If you guys want to help me figure this one out, you know where to find me. (A car pulls up and Brody gets in. It drives away.) Phoebe: What do you think? Paige: I think he's got some style. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Sarpedon is waiting there. Another demon, Aku, smokes in.] Aku: How dare you summon me. Sarpedon: You said to call if I ever wanted to challenge you. Aku: You think you are ready to challenge me? The last time you tried it I spared your life. This time I may not be so merciful. Sarpedon: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Aku: You've been around humans too long. What makes you think you're ready? Sarpedon: Like you said, I've been around humans. (Aku is wearing a glove with two long sharp spikes attached to it.) Aku: Shall we? (Sarpedon touches his amulet.) Sarpedon: Talk to me. (Aku throws an energy ball at Sarpedon. Sarpedon deflects it who is also wearing a spiked glove. Aku throws two more energy balls and Sarpedon dodges them. He smokes out and smokes back in behind Aku. Aku turns around and they start fighting.) Aku: You've come far, quickly. (Aku scratches Sarpedon on the arm.) Sarpedon: Not far enough. I need more. Aku: More what? Sarpedon: More guardians. I steal the ones who help save their humans that they can help me instead. Aku: All this just to defeat me? Sarpedon: No, so that I can protect myself from the great threat you told us was coming. Bald Demon: Nothing can protect you from that. Unless you go into hiding until... Demon: I won't hide. If demons don't stand up to them who will? I just need more. (He smokes out.) [Scene: Magic School. Piper and Phoebe are there.] Piper: Could you do me a favour and call Rex and have them do a sound check before the show. I don't want to mess up The Donna's album release party. It's gonna be packed. Phoebe: Piper, are you even listening me? Piper: Yeah, yeah. Brody, fires, hunches. I got my own problems. Are you sure Enola graduated already? Phoebe: Yeah, I'm positive. Why? Piper: Because she might be the only one who can save Leo. Phoebe: What are you talking about? Piper: Well, she helped you see your future with the vision quest, right? Gave you something to look forward to, life after demons. That's what Leo needs. Phoebe: Yeah, but there's no guarantees that Leo would see that. I mean, a vision quest can take you anywhere and sometimes can even be dangerous. Piper: Couldn't be any more dangerous than what he's going through right now. With that stupid new power still after him. Phoebe: A vision quest still won't change that. Piper: No, but it may show him a way to fight them. He's alone and he's scared and he's forgotten who he is. I'm afraid if I can't help him now my children are gonna lose their father. Phoebe: Still risky. Piper: Yeah, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. (Phoebe picks up some ingredients.) What are you doing? Phoebe: I'm making the vision quest potion. She showed me how to do it. Piper: What about Brody? Phoebe: Paige can take care of Brody. I think she likes taking care of Brody if you know what I'm talking about. Besides, this is family. [Scene: Agent Brody's Apartment. Agent Brody is at the computer viewing camera footage of the survivor stepping off the sidewalk. He adds an EM filter to the footage and two shadows show up, a light and a dark. There's a knock at the door.] Brody: Nobody's home. (Paige orbs in.) Paige: You're quite the liar. Brody: Sorry. Didn't realise it was you. Actually, I'm surprised you even showed up. Paige: Really? Why would that be? Brody: I think it's pretty clear that your sister doesn't trust me very much. Paige: Should she? Brody: Yeah, I think she should. I think I've proven myself. I've saved you from getting exposed more than once. Paige: By the way, where is Inspector Sheridan? Brody: Does it really matter? Paige: Uh, it does if you hurt her. Brody: I'm not here to hurt anybody, Paige. I'm here to keep them from getting hurt, remember? Paige: The fact that you know that people may die is exactly what makes you so suspicious, Agent Brody. Brody: Kyle. (Paige looks at the computer.) Paige: What is that? Brody: That is a birds eye view of the victim just before he stepped off the curb. Now we shot this with the fastest digital imaging equipment known to man. Or at least Homeland Security, anyway. Now if you look at it in normal light it appears as though he's alone. I throw an EM filter on it, he's not. Paige: What are those? Brody: If I had to guess I'd say the light one's a protector of some kind. Paige: Protector of what? Like some kind of guardian angel thing? Brody: Mm-hm. That's one way to put it. What, you don't believe in them? Paige: You do? Brody: With all the scrapes that I've slipped out of, it's the only reason I think why I'm still alive. My guess is that's the power the dark figure wants. People have, especially strong protectors. That explains why someone would miraculously survive something and in the next moment, don't. (Paige looks at him and smiles.) What? Paige: Nothing. So, uh, how do we find out if that dark figure is what you think it is? Brody: We wait for the next fire. Interested? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: On top of the Golden Gate Bridge. Leo is sitting there. Two creature heads appear and float towards Leo.] Leo: Leave me alone. Creature Head: Don't resist us. (They disappear.) Leo: Why are you doing this to me? What do you want? (Leo orbs out. The Avatars appear.) Gamma: Perhaps we've pushed him too far. Alpha: We have no choice. He must join us willingly. But first must see there is no other option. Gamma: His will is strong. Even for an Elder. Alpha: Which is why he is so valuable to us. (Alpha senses something.) Gamma: What is it? Alpha: There may be another way, another opportunity to show him that one can not ignore the truth forever. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are there.] Piper: Leo. Leo. You see, I know he can hear me, he just doesn't want to come. Phoebe: Let me give this a try. Leo! Leo, you get your butt down here right now or we will summon your ass. (Leo orbs in.) Piper: Nicely done. Leo: It's not safe for me to be here. You know that. Phoebe: We'll take that risk. Leo: What about the boys? Piper: They're at school. Nice try though. We think we found a way to help you. Leo: Help me what? Piper: Help you stop running. Phoebe: It's a vision quest. Leo: A vision quest? No way. Piper: Leo, don't you dare leave. This is not just about you. You are a father and somebody's husband too. Leo: Which is why it's too risky for me to be here. Piper: Yeah, except you're the one that's in danger. Leo: I'm an Elder. I can take care of myself. Piper: Actually, you haven't really been yourself lately. Phoebe: Look, Leo, the vision quest helped me and we're just thinking maybe it could help you too, you know. Leo: It won't stop the creatures. Piper: How do you know? You've tried everything else. What do you have to lose? Your mind, your family, your life. You've already lost all those things, haven't you? Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong. Phoebe: I'll go get the potion. [Scene: Street. A building is on fire. Fire fighters are hosing the building.] [Cut to inside the burning building. Paige orbs in with Agent Brody.] Paige: Okay, when I said I'd help you this is not what I had in mind. Brody: Just go, I'll be okay. Paige: Are you crazy? How is this gonna be okay? Brody: Because I believe in my guardians, remember? Look, if I'm right, whoever set this fire is out there waiting for mine. So just say your spell when I'm safe and we'll see what happens. Don't worry about me. Paige: Yeah, it's a little late for that. (Paige orbs out. Brody looks at the window and door which is covered in flames.) Brody: Which way? [Cut to outside. Paige waits on the street. Brody jumps out of a window and lands on the roof of the entrance. He rolls off and lands hard on the ground. Two firemen help him up.] Brody: Paige. Paige! (He races over to Paige.) Come on. Paige: "Show me what the evil sees, even if at lightning speeds". (Everyone in the street freezes except Paige. Agent Brody's guardian angel appears beside him.) So it is true. (Sarpedon appears.) Sarpedon: Well, well, well. What have we here? A witch? Paige: You're not getting his guardian. Sarpedon: Now why would I want his... when I can have yours? (Paige's guardian angel appears beside her and Sarpedon sucks her into the pendant. He smokes out. Everyone unfreezes.) Brody: What's the matter? Huh? What's wrong? Paige: I think I'm in big trouble. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe is there making a potion and talking on the phone.] Phoebe: No, I know, Elise but something came up. Yes, again. But you don't have to worry about my column, I promise... (She hears a thump in another room.) Uh, I gotta go. (She hangs up.) Paige, what's going on? (She walks out of the kitchen and finds Paige laying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.) Oh my god, what happened? Brody: Par for the course, unfortunately. (Paige stands up.) Phoebe: Par for what course and what are you doing here? Brody: Trying to protect your sister. Paige: I lost my guardian angel. Phoebe: You lost your who? Brody: You know, protection spirits. Guides that are with us all the time. Phoebe: Yes, I know what guardian angels are, thank you. Paige: Not just the Hallmark thing. It's real. I actually saw mine. I'm surprised we have not seen them before. Brody: Yeah, the problem is without them, people tend to be a little vulnerable. Paige: In my case accident prone. Phoebe: Okay, I don't understand. How did you lose your guardian angel? Brody: Well, actually, we were trying to lose mine and this demon... demon, right? Paige: Demon. Brody: Yeah, demon comes along and takes hers instead. Phoebe: (to Paige) Can I talk to you for a second please over here? (Phoebe and Paige walk away from Brody.) What is going on? Paige: What's going on is that we've figured what is killing all of those innocents. The demon is stealing their protectors. We think it's somehow connected to this whole new power thing. Phoebe: And let me guess. This is another one of his hunches? Paige: No, it's one of mine. But you have to admit, all of his have panned out so far, right? Phoebe: Yeah, so far they have. So what's the next move? Paige: Well, I'm gonna go ID the demon. Hey, have you seen the Book of Shadows? It wasn't upstairs. Phoebe: Why? You're not gonna show him the Book of Shadows, are you? Paige: Yeah. I am. I trust him, I told you that. Look, if it considers him a threat, it'll just nap him. Don't worry. Phoebe: Paige, you're my sister. I have to worry. Paige: Well, if it makes you feel better, why don't you just come with us. Phoebe: I wish I could but I can't. Leo needs some serious help. Paige: What's new? Phoebe: Just promise me you're gonna be careful. Paige: I promise. I think I can take care of one little demon. Phoebe: I meant Agent Brody. The book's in the kitchen. (Paige goes back to Agent Brody. Phoebe goes upstairs.) Brody: Everything okay? Paige: Oh, yeah, I'm fine. (She heads for the kitchen and trips over.) No problem. [Cut to the attic. Piper, Phoebe and Leo are there.] Leo: She lost her what? Phoebe: Agent Brody is watching her. She's okay. Leo: We can't leave her alone if she's lost her guardian... Piper: Phoebe said she's fine. Now would you please focus? Leo: What am I supposed to do? Phoebe: Don't fight it. Just let it take you to where you're supposed to be. Leo: What if I wanna get out? Phoebe: You won't be able to. Not until you see what you're supposed to see. (Phoebe hands him the potion. He pulls a face.) Piper: Just sip it. (He drinks the potion.) Leo: Now what? Phoebe: Make yourself comfortable. (Leo lays on some blankets and pillows.) Close your eyes and just let it all go. (Leo closes his eyes.) [Leo's vision: There is a war happening. Guns are being fired and grenades are exploding. Leo is watching himself tend to wounded soldiers.] Leo: What's going on? What am I doing here? Chris: Don't worry, dad. I'm gonna help you through this. Leo: Chris? [Cut to the attic.] Leo: Chris. (Piper and Phoebe look at each other.) [Cut to the kitchen. Paige is looking in the Book of Shadows. She knocks a glass off the table and Brody catches it.] Paige: Thank you. Brody: Yeah. Paige: Guess I never knew how much my guardian angel actually helped me. Even with the little stuff. Brody: Yeah, don't worry, we'll find her. Paige: I hope. You know, maybe it'd help if you looked at the book with me. (He walks over to the book and flips a page.) Brody: Feel better? Paige: What do you mean? Brody: I assume the book won't let anything evil touch it. Most magical tomes don't. What do I have to do to prove I'm not a threat to you? Paige: Look, I'm sorry, I am. I can't seem to trust myself right now, let alone anybody else. Brody: Well, guardians did more than keep you upright. They're your inner voice, your conscience, instincts. Without them you tend to get a little lost. Paige: You really do believe in them, don't you? Brody: Yeah, I'm a believer, all right. Hunting the new power for years has made me realise that there are some awful things in this world. (He turns the pages in the book.) I just like to think there are some good things too to balance it out. Like you. Paige: You found it. "Celerity Demons. Celerity demons are powerful beings who can move at the speed of light and feed off lesser demons." Brody: Yeah, but guardian angels are hardly lesser demons. Paige: Well, whether they are or they aren't, he's able to steal them. The question is why? [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Sarpedon stabs Aku with his spiked glove.] Aku: Well done. Sarpedon: Witches have powerful guardians. Especially a Charmed One's. Aku: How can you be sure that she was a Charmed One? Sarpedon: It's the only explanation. It's the most powerful one I possess. Aku: Still, it will not be enough when the Avatars come. Sarpedon: Perhaps not. Unless I get the other two. After all, legend holds that the sisters are magically connected. Stands to reason that the guardian should be as well. Aku: How will you get them? Sarpedon: I'll just listen to the one I've got. She'll whisper to me when the others need their guardians the most. When they're the most vulnerable. You taught me well, Aku. (Aku stands up.) Aku: I hope well enough. (Sarpedon throws an energy ball at Aku and vanquishes him.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper is sitting beside Leo. Phoebe is placing crystals around them.] Piper: Why isn't he saying anything? Do you think he's all right? Phoebe: Yes, I think he's doing exactly what he needs to be doing. Sure you don't want to help me out here? Piper: No, I'm fine right here. Phoebe: Sweetie, you said it yourself. This is something that he needs to do. Piper: Yeah, well, I can have second thoughts, can't I? I mean, what if something happens to him? Phoebe: Well, hopefully his guardian angels are taking care of him. Piper: I don't think angels have angels, Phoebe. It's redundant. You just protect ours so we can protect him. [Leo's vision.] Leo: So I don't understand. If I'm in the past, what are you doing here? Chris: I'm guiding you. Leo: So you're real? Chris: No. But I represent something that is. I died in your arms, dad. Killed by everything you thought was good. I'm your root pain, okay. And I'm gonna be sticking with you until you're ready to let me go. Leo: How will I know when that is? Chris: Come on. Let's check out some parts of your life that you really need to remember. Leo: Do I have a choice? Chris: Hey, it's your vision quest. It's up to you. Come on. (In a flash they are standing in the ghostly plane in the episode "The Courtship of Wyatt's Father".) Leo: Where are we now? (He looks over to see himself and Piper. His other self strokes Piper's face and says "I never stopped loving you". His other self and Piper kiss.) Chris: That feeling's what it's all about, dad. You died fighting evil in the war, then you were reborn as a Whitelighter to fight evil again. That led you to mum, love, to all that's good. (They flash to the scene in "The Day The Magic Died" after Piper gives birth to Wyatt".) To the day Wyatt was born. (The flash to "It's A Bad, Bad, Bad, World Pt 2" after Chris was born.) To the day when I was born. Do you understand now? All the pain, all the sacrifices, it's all been for good. That's what you're all about, dad. That's what you've always been about. That's what the future's about too. You just need to believe in that again. Go. Your family's waiting for you. [Cut to the attic. Leo wakes up.] Leo: Piper. Piper: Hey. How you feeling? Leo: Good. (The creature head appears and floats towards Leo.) Wait. (Piper and Phoebe look around but don't see the creature head.) Piper: What? What is it? (The creature head enters Leo's body. Leo falls back asleep.) Leo? Leo? Leo, wake up. Leo. Wake up. [Leo's vision: Leo wakes up in a white area covered in mist. There are headstones surrounding him. Alpha appears.] Leo: Who are you? What do you want? Alpha: I want you to see the truth, Leo. I want you to see the real future. (In front of Leo is a headstone reading "Halliwell: Penny, Patty, Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Wyatt, Chris".) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are sitting beside Leo.] Piper: We've gotta do something. Phoebe: There's nothing we can do. He's back in the quest. Only he can get himself out of it. Piper: But he was just out. I think something made him go back in, something he saw. Phoebe: I don't think anything can get past the crystals. Piper: What about the new power? Phoebe: I didn't see any floating heads. Piper: Doesn't mean they weren't there. Leo: Why are you doing this? [Leo's vision.] Leo: Why are you doing this to me? I wanna get out of here. Alpha: You can't leave yet, Leo. You're not ready. You haven't seen what you need to see. Leo: Why are you haunting me? Alpha: Haunting? (He chuckles.) No. The creature heads were a necessary part of guiding you to the truth. To the truth that lies beyond good and evil. To us. Leo: Us? Alpha: Avatars. We are a power. One that offers a better way, a solution to this. You see, Leo, the future Chris failed to mention the death of all the people that you love. Sometimes peaceful, sometimes painful, but always inevitable. And all well before their time. Leo: Death is apart of life. Alpha: Natural death, yes. But not death caused by the pointless, endless battles between good and evil. Leo: It's not pointless, it's necessary. And when good wins... Alpha: Wins? Duality is self perpetuating. It feeds only on itself. That's why the battle has been raging since the dawn of time. There is no winner. Leo: There can be. Alpha: How? With good there is always evil, so the battle never ends. Not until there is nothing left. That is the future your fight is leading to. Not good, nor evil, only nothing. (Alpha waves his hand and they are surrounded by black.) Leo: No! [Cut to the attic.] Piper: Leo, who are you talking to? Phoebe: He can't hear you. Piper: Well, he's hearing someone. (Sarpedon smokes in.) Leo, Leo. (Sarpedon dives for them but he hits the crystal cage and it sends him flying across the room.) [Cut to the kitchen. Paige and Brody hear a crash upstairs.] Brody: What was that? Paige: Stay here. Brody: Why? Paige: Just stay. (Paige orbs out. Brody pulls out his gun.) [Cut to the attic. Sarpedon gets back up.] Phoebe: Guess your guardians didn't tell you about that. Sarpedon: That's why I want yours. So these kinds of things don't happen again. (Paige orbs in. She goes to throw a potion but trips over.) Paige: Damn it. Phoebe: Paige, quick, in here. (Paige throws the potion but the celerity demon deflects it. She orbs out and orbs back in in the crystal cage.) Sarpedon: You're getting to be a pain. You can't hide in there forever. (Agent Brody walks in.) Brody: Paige? What the hell? (He shoots at Sarpedon and he knocks it out of Agent Brody's hand. He grabs Agent Brody by the neck.) Paige: Leave him alone! Sarpedon: No, there's too much at stake. Besides, I could use the leverage. (He smokes out with Agent Brody.) Paige: Oh, no. [Cut to the underworld. Cave. Sarpedon punches Agent Brody and he falls to the ground.] Sarpedon: You're not a witch. What are you? Brody: I'm a Federal Agent. (Sarpedon laughs.) Sarpedon: A what? And you know about all this? Magic? Demons? Brody: I'm getting a quick education. Sarpedon: It won't do you much good. I only need you long enough for the witches to attempt the rescue. And since they're obviously otherwise occupied and I'm a guardian, they won't all come at once. Someone will be left behind and that's when I'll attack. Brody: I'm just curious. What do you want with all these guardians? If you don't mind me asking. Sarpedon: I don't want them. I need them. Brody: Worried about the new power, are we? Sarpedon: You know about the Avatars? Brody: Avatars? So that's what they're called? (Sarpedon grabs Agent Brody around the neck.) Sarpedon: Yes, that's what they're called. And I for one won't be cast aside by them when the time comes for them to take power. Which is why I need more guardians. Which is the only reason I'm keeping you alive. (He throws Agent Brody across the cave.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is scrying.] Phoebe: So what are you gonna do if you find him? Paige: What do you mean what am I gonna do? I am gonna save him. We are going to save him. Phoebe: But it's a trap. The demon said so himself. He just took him for leverage. Paige: So we're just gonna let him get killed? Phoebe: He's not gonna kill him, okay? He needs him alive. Paige: Yeah, but for how long? Piper, help me out. Piper: I'm with Phoebe here. Sarpedon is really powerful and he's got all those guardians. Paige: Yeah, including mine. Phoebe: And that's why you're not thinking straight. Paige, we can't go after him. It's ridiculous. Paige: Yeah, well, I'm not just gonna let him rot either. (The crystal points to a place on the map.) I'll go get him myself. (Paige orbs out.) [Cut to the underworld. Cave. Paige orbs in. She looks around.] Paige: Kyle? Kyle? Kyle? Kyle. (Kyle is tied to the cave roof, barely conscious.) [Cut to the manor. Attic.] Phoebe: Okay, so now that we know where they are, all we have to do is mix up a new vanquishing potion and get Paige's spell. Piper: Yeah, but that would mean we would have to go to the book which is in the kitchen, which entails us going downstairs, away from the crystals, which means the demon could slice and dice us. Phoebe: True, but for all we know, the demon could already have Paige. Piper: Us getting killed doesn't change that. Besides, I can't leave Leo. Phoebe: Okay, I know this is really hard for you, Piper, but there's nothing that we can do to help Leo. He's gotta fight this fight on his own. But we can help Paige. Piper: All right, let's just make it fast. Phoebe: Okay. Remember, if the demon attacks, grab the amulet. Piper: Oh, sure, yeah, no problem. (Piper and Phoebe walk down the stairs and head for the kitchen. Sarpedon smokes in behind Phoebe.) Phoebe! (Phoebe turns around and Sarpedon stabs her in the stomach with his spiked glove. She falls to the floor. He turns to Piper.) Sarpedon: Next. Phoebe: Hey. Where's your amulet? (Phoebe holds up his amulet then falls unconscious.) Piper: No. (Sarpedon stabs Piper and she blows him up. His spiked glove is left sticking out of her stomach. She falls to the floor.) Leo. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Leo's vision. Leo and Alpha are still surrounded by darkness.] Leo: What do you mean this is the end? The end of what? Alpha: The end of the battle. Between good and evil. Its outcome. Mutual destruction and the eternal void that necessarily follows. Leo: How is this possible? Alpha: I'm afraid it's unavoidable. A flawed design. There is however, another way. A better way. That is what we represent, Leo. But we'll need your help to implement and the Charmed Ones, of course, when they're ready. Leo: What way is that? Alpha: Utopia. A world where good and evil no longer exist. Where the battle is behind you, behind everyone. A world where you and Piper no longer have to suffer through the obstacles that have kept you apart. Leo: What's the catch? Alpha: Only the courage to change. Unless it's already too late. [Cut to the manor. Attic. Alpha is there. Leo wakes up.] Leo: Piper. Alpha: She's not here, Leo. I'm afraid there isn't much time. Leo: Piper? Piper! (Leo runs downstairs and Alpha follows. Leo finds Piper and Phoebe dead on the floor.) Why did you do this? Alpha: We didn't do this, Leo. Evil did. It might not be too late though to reverse it, if you join us. Leo: You can save them? Alpha: We can save everyone, Leo. With your help. (Leo nods.) So be it. (Alpha holds out his hands and a glowing light hits Leo. Leo glows for a couple of seconds.) Welcome to the fold. Leo: What do I do next? Alpha: Heal them. Leo: I can't heal them, they're dead. Alpha: You're an Avatar now, Leo. You have all you need. You have the powers. (Alpha disappears. Leo holds out his arms and a beam of light flows out of his hands and hits Piper and Phoebe. Paige orbs in with Agent Brody.) Paige: Leo? (The beams of light vanish and Piper and Phoebe wake up.) Leo: Piper. Piper: You're back. (Leo helps her up. Paige goes over to Phoebe.) I thought I was... Phoebe: Dead? (Paige notices the amulet in Phoebe's hand.) Paige: Where did you get that? Phoebe: From the demon I guess. Brody: So that's it? It's over? Piper: Is it? Paige: I've never seen you heal anyone like that, Leo. Piper: Did something happen to you? Leo: What do you mean? Piper: In the vision quest, you seemed like you were in pain. Leo: Yeah, well, something I had to go through, I guess, to see the truth. [Scene: P3. The Donnas are playing on stage. Piper and Phoebe are sitting on the couches near by.] Piper: Thanks for getting Rex to do that sound check. They sounded great. Phoebe: Yeah, actually, I forgot to do that. What? I was very busy trying to save your husband. Piper: All right, down girl, easy, don't worry about it. Phoebe: I guess I get a little testy when someone kills me, you know. Piper: Oh, come on, we weren't killed, we were just maimed. Leo can't heal the dead. (Paige walks up to them.) Paige: Hey, ladies. Sorry I'm late. Oh, you guys look great for being recently deceased. Piper: We weren't dead. Ah, forget it. (A waitress with a tray full of drinks walks over to them.) Paige: Hey. (The waitress almost drops the tray and Paige quickly catches the drinks before they fall.) Waitress: Sorry. God, I'm sorry, my bad. (The waitress walks away.) Piper: I see you got your angel back. Paige: Thank god. No pun intended. Phoebe: What about Agent Brody? Paige: Who? Phoebe: All right, Kyle. You know, just because we almost got him killed, doesn't mean we have to trust him. Piper: Oh, come on, now. Enough of this already. Everything turned out fine like it always does. Well, almost always does. Paige: Except for the Avatars. Kyle said that that's what the demon called the new power. Phoebe: Doesn't ring any bells. (Leo walks up to them.) Well, well, well, look at you. Welcome back. Leo: Thank you. It's good to be back, believe me. Piper: No voices, floating heads, guilt trips? Leo: No, nothing. Paige: Ever hear of the avatars? Leo: Avatars? Why? Paige: Just they could be the big bad everyone's worried about. Leo: I will look into it. But first, a toast to being back together, new beginnings. Piper: I will drink to that. (They clink their drinks together.)
Plan: A: Kyle; Q: Who convinces Paige to help him solve a mysterious string of accidents? A: innocents' Guardian Angels; Q: What is Sarpedon capturing? A: the Avatars; Q: What is the threat that Sarpedon is trying to protect himself from? A: accident prone; Q: What does Paige become after her Guardian Angel is captured? A: a vision quest; Q: What does Piper and Phoebe convince Leo to go on? A: visitations; Q: What is another term for visions? A: Gamma; Q: Along with Alpha, who is an Avatar that Leo is arguing with? A: the manor; Q: Where do Piper and Phoebe die? A: a drop; Q: How does Sarpedon get on the sisters? A: an Avatar; Q: What does Leo become in order to bring Piper and Phoebe back to life? Summary: Kyle convinces Paige to help him solve a mysterious string of accidents, only to discover that the demon Sarpedon is capturing innocents' Guardian Angels and using them to protect himself from the forthcoming threat of the Avatars. Consequently, Paige's Guardian is captured by the demon and she becomes accident prone. Meanwhile, Piper and Phoebe convince Leo to go on a vision quest in an attempt to come to grip with the visions and visitations he has been experiencing. He resists the arguments and blandishments of Avatars Alpha and Gamma, who appear to reason with him during the vision quest. Back at the manor, Sarpedon gets a drop on the sisters and a battle ensues where Piper and Phoebe die. In order to bring Piper and Phoebe back to life, Leo agrees with and becomes an Avatar.
CARNIVAL OF MONSTERS BY: ROBERT HOLMES 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. MARSH JO: Look! (A gigantic reptilian creature bursts from the wet swampy ground. It has an elongated trunk of a body, six eyes on stalks on the top of its head and a huge red mouth with massive white teeth including several long incisors. It looks down on and screams a roar at the two helpless visitors to its domain. Suddenly the Drashig starts to move forward, sliding along with the exaggerated movement of a snail. It moves its concertinaed body past the DOCTOR and JO and off into the distance.) JO: What a horrible thing! Why didn't it attack us? DOCTOR: It couldn't have seen us, Jo. Must be hunting by scent. JO: Hunting what? DOCTOR: Us, I'm afraid. It's following our outward trail. (JO looks horrified.) JO: But...it'll be at the cave when we get back there! (They suddenly hear another subdued cry of a Drashig.) JO: What's that? DOCTOR: There's more than one of those things about, Jo. Let's go. (They start running across the swamp.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (The assessment committee and VORG and SHIRNA continue to watch.) ORUM: They are escaping. VORG: Nothing escapes the Drashigs! Even that size they terrify me. PLETRAC: How many are there? SHIRNA: In the scope? Oh, just one colony - twenty or so. KALIK: Where do they come from? VORG: One of Grundle's satellites. It's said that many years ago, a battlethruster landed there for emergency repairs. It had a crew of fifty and all the latest armaments. They thought they could hold the Drashigs off - huh! PLETRAC: (Nervously.) What happened? SHIRNA: Nothing more was heard from them so a scout orbiter was sent out. The pictures showed nothing left of the thruster. It had been eaten. PLETRAC: (Horrified.) Eaten? They eat a spaceship? SHIRNA: Apart from just a few scraps of the reactor ventricle. They're omnivorous. VORG: Of course, they prefer flesh when they can get it. (KALIK smiles to himself and nods...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. MARSH (The DOCTOR and JO with some speed through the swampy terrain, despite having to wade across the gaseous streams and pools.) DOCTOR: Come on, Jo! JO: (Exhausted.) I can't. (The cave is just ahead of them.) DOCTOR: But you must! We're nearly there! (JO looks over the DOCTOR'S shoulder in wide-eyed terror.) JO: Doctor! (He turns. Three Drashigs are looming near the cave.) DOCTOR: Run for it, Jo! (JO is up to her knees in a bubbling stream. She tries to move her legs but can't.) JO: I...Doctor, I'm stuck! (The DOCTOR reaches into his pocket and pulls out his sonic screwdriver. He points it at the marsh gas which lies between them and the Drashigs and switches the tool on. Immediately, the gas starts to burst into explosions of flame. The Drashigs scream in pain as the flames surround them. JO has now sunk into the muddy stream up to her waist. The immediate danger over, the DOCTOR rushes back and starts to pull her out.) JO: They're coming back! (The Drashigs are now between them and the cave and getting nearer.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (KALIK almost looks concerned...) KALIK: (To VORG.) Erm, can't you help them? VORG: Me?! KALIK: You're in charge of the machine. Can't you get the Tellurians out of there? VORG: (Aghast.) What? But I should have to put my hand inside! SHIRNA: Oh, go on, Vorg. We can't stand here and let them be torn to pieces. (VORG looks dumbstruck...) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. MARSH (The DOCTOR switches on the sonic screwdriver again but this time, there is no eruption of flame.) DOCTOR: It's no good. There's not enough gas. (He turns back to the problem of getting JO free and manages to yank her out of the stream and onto firmer ground. Suddenly, a giant hand comes down out of the sky and starts to swat the Drashigs back. The DOCTOR and JO use the diversion and dash the last few yards into the cave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CAVE JO: Doctor, that hand we...! DOCTOR: No time to talk about that now, Jo! Let's get out of here - come on! (They go through the metal plate door and back into the workings of the scope.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (Once back into the calm, humming interior, JO slumps sitting to the floor.) JO: (Gasping.) Doctor...I've got to rest. (The DOCTOR slides down next to her.) DOCTOR: Yes, I'm beginning to feel the century's meself. (JO gasps an agreement and tries to get her breath back.) JO: That...that swamp place - it wasn't the real outside, was it? DOCTOR: No, I thought it was at first though. JO: But that hand - that came from the real outside, didn't it? DOCTOR: Mm hmm. JO: The giants were trying to help us. DOCTOR: Yes... (He suddenly realises and slaps his leg.) DOCTOR: By jingo, I've got it! I know what this is! JO: What? (He sits up.) DOCTOR: We're in a miniscope! JO: Miniscope? DOCTOR: Yes, you...you know, Jo, it's like, erm, it's like one of those things, those...those glass cases that people keep colonies of ants in. JO: (Puzzled.) Well, yes, but I don't see... (Realises.) Well, wait a minute, do you mean that...that Major Daly and all those people on the ship are in a...in a sort of a peepshow? DOCTOR: That's right, Jo, and you and I are inside its works. JO: And outside there are...people and...and creatures just looking at us for kicks? DOCTOR: Very probably. JO: They must be evil and horrible! DOCTOR: No, not necessarily, Jo. Thoughtless, maybe. JO: Thoughtless?! DOCTOR: Well, haven't you ever been to the zoo? Have you never kept goldfish in a bowl? JO: Well, yes, but that's slightly different. We're not animals. DOCTOR: We are to those creatures up there, Jo. (He puts on a showman's voice...) DOCTOR: Roll up! Roll up! Roll up! And see these funny little creatures in their native 'abitat! Watch 'em go through their funny little tricks! Poke 'em with a stick and make 'em jump! JO: Stop it, Doctor, it's not funny! DOCTOR: No. Oh no, believe me, I'm just as angry as you are. As a matter of fact, I had a great deal to do with the banning of these miniscopes. JO: (Puzzled.) Y...you did? DOCTOR: Yes, I did. I managed to persuade the High Council of the Time Lords they were an offence against the dignity of sentient lifeforms. JO: But I thought the Time Lords never interfered? DOCTOR: Yes, well they don't as a rule. But, frankly, I made such a nuisance of myself that...well, they banned the things. JO: But, well if these scope things were banned, how come we're inside one? DOCTOR: I don't know. Well, officially they were all called in and destroyed. JO: Somehow this one was missed. DOCTOR: Yeah, looks like it. (Thinks.) The TARDIS must have materialised...it...must have materialised in its compression field. JO: So, here we are all cosily wrapped up with the other specimens. DOCTOR: Yeah, but not for long, Jo. We'll soon get out of here. JO: Huh, will we? Seems to me we have a choice of being shot by those idiots on the ship, or eaten by those horrors out there. (They hear the roar of the Drashigs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. MARSH (The three huge roaring creatures slither towards the cave mouth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (SHIRNA sees this on the scope as VORG sits down eating a fruit. The two are alone.) SHIRNA: Vorg, look at this. They're following the Tellurians. VORG: I should have thought of that. The Drashigs never leave a scent - not with a meal at the end of it. SHIRNA: But if they can get out of their circuit, Vorg, anything can happen. They might even escape from the scope! VORG: Keep your voice down, girl. We're in trouble enough as it is. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (The next roar is immediately behind the metal door.) JO: Doctor! DOCTOR: Come on, Jo. It's time we got out of here. (They get up and run off. Another roar sounders even louder and they turn and watch as a Drashig bursts through the wall from the cave and into the inner workings of the scope. The two run off as fast as they can along a flat circuit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (Night has fallen across the desert seen outside of the port. PLETRAC paces nervously between his two colleagues.) PLETRAC: What is the legal position, Kalik? KALIK: According to law, the Lurmans should be deported and the zoological specimens impounded, destroyed. ORUM: But how? PLETRAC: Ye...how, indeed? The eradicator is powerless against their scope. That is why one suggests, in order to save face, that the Lurmans be deported together with their machine. ORUM: Agreed. KALIK: This tribunal is not empowered to bend regulations, Pletrac - not even to save face. PLETRAC: We must be flexible! If we can't destroy the thing, what else can we do? KALIK: One suggests that you, Chairman Pletrac, seek special authority from Zarb. PLETRAC: (Sighs.) That may take time. KALIK: It is the correct procedure. PLETRAC: (Sighs again.) Orum? ORUM: Kalik is right. The tribunal should observe the correct forms of procedure. PLETRAC: Oh, very well. Make sure the functionaries with the eradicator remain alert. (He strides off. KALIK smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (The DOCTOR and JO run along another circuit. They reach a junction.) DOCTOR: We've got an advantage over them, Jo - we're smaller than them. JO: That's an advantage? DOCTOR: Yes, if we keep to the narrow sections, we can move faster. JO: You never give in, do you, Doctor? (A Drashig roars uncomfortably close behind them. They look and see is elongated reptilian body slithering along.) DOCTOR: Come on, quick! Down this way! (They move down a circuit and through the Y-shaped circuit again using its ridges as steps downwards.) DOCTOR: Come on! Come on, give me your hand. (He takes JO'S hand and helps her step down.) DOCTOR: Come on, up you go. That's it, dear. Quick as you can. (JO reaches the bottom in a panic.) JO: Oh, Doctor, those things'll follow us to the end of time! They'll never give up either! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (VORG and SHIRNA are slumped asleep, VORG on their luggage and SHIRNA against the TARDIS. The scope suddenly starts giving out a bleeping alarm.) SHIRNA: Hey, Vorg! VORG: (Waking.) What...mmm...what? (He looks up sleepily at the scope.) VORG: Oh, it's just a minor block in one of the feed lines, that's all. SHIRNA: That minor block is probably a Drashig - look. (The Drashig's marsh home appears on the glowsphere.) SHIRNA: Not a Drashig to be seen. VORG: Well? That's not unusual. SHIRNA: After all that excitement? You know what they're like. Normally they mill round for hours. VORG: Well? (She suddenly realises what this means.) SHIRNA: They're loose inside the scope, Vorg! They must be roaming round out of their circuit! VORG: What? (ORUM and KALIK, conferring quietly nearby, overhear this...) ORUM: The machine has become dangerous? VORG: No, no, no, your worship, not at all, no. (KALIK and ORUM walk over.) SHIRNA: Oh, tell 'em the truth. What does it matter now? ORUM: What is the truth? VORG: My assistant is an imaginative gi... KALIK: (Interrupts.) Quiet. VORG: Whatever you say. Er, you can rely upon my profound silence for as long as you desire... KALIK: (Interrupts.) What is the truth? SHIRNA: We think the Drashigs have broken out of their circuit. VORG: You speak for yourself. Personally, I don't... KALIK: (Shouts.) Silence! ORUM: Broken out? SHIRNA: Well, they went into that cave after the Tellurians and none of them have come out again. ORUM: Where does the cave lead? SHIRNA: Down into the supply lines. There's a control valve at the back of the cave. VORG: (To SHIRNA.) Look, if the Drashigs have broken out of their circuit, and I don't for one moment believe that they have, whose fault is it, Sir...Shirna? Whose suggestion was it that I help the Tellurians escape? KALIK: Mine. VORG: (Bows.) And a most merciful and compassionate gesture, your worship! ORUM: (Quietly amused.) Merciful and compassionate? KALIK: One has...twinges. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (As the DOCTOR and JO carry on their relentless run through the workings of the scope, more Drashigs are coming through the burst hole from the cave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (ORUM and KALIK are on the upper level walkway.) ORUM: You expected the Drashigs... KALIK: Shh! (He indicates silence and they walk down to the lower level, KALIK looking round all time to make sure that they are not observed. Satisfied that they are not, he indicates with a nod of the head to ORUM that he can speak. They do so quietly.) ORUM: You expected the Drashigs to follow the Tellurians? KALIK: They follow a scent blindly, so that primitive told us. ORUM: What's to be gained by that? KALIK: Possibly the world. ORUM: What? KALIK: The Tellurians will try to escape. ORUM: And? KALIK: The Drashigs will follow them. ORUM: What good will that do any of us? KALIK: Listen, Orum. For thousands of years, ever since the great space plague, our world has stood alone and been the stronger for it. Now Zarb is trying to change our ways. ORUM: Because the functionaries are growing restive. They need distractions. KALIK: What the functionaries need, Orum, what we all need, is something to unite us. We need a sense of purpose, we need a new leader, we need a war! ORUM: Ha! How do you propose to achieve all that, Kalik? KALIK: By leading the rebellion against my dear brother Zarb. (ORUM is silent at this statement.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (The DOCTOR and JO continue their desperate attempt at escape from the pursuing Drashigs. They reach a point where the circuit that they are running on reaches an end with a sheer drop into the darkness of the machine workings below. They kneel down and the DOCTOR retrieves a coin from his pocket which he drops into the well. After several long seconds they hear the chink as it lands below. They look disappointed.) JO: Well? DOCTOR: Well, logically, there should be an extractor down there. Well, if I'd designed it, there would be one. (They hear another distant roar behind them.) JO: They're still following us, Doctor. DOCTOR: Persistent little beggars, aren't they? JO: (Despondent.) Well, that's it. We're done for. DOCTOR: I wonder? JO: Well, we'll break our necks if we try to get down there. We'll just go on wandering as...around this ghastly machine forever. Well, sooner or later, we'll crawl round a corner and run slap into one of them. (The next roar sounds nearer.) DOCTOR: Things do look a little difficult at the moment, I must admit. JO: Difficult? They're impossible. DOCTOR: Not impossible, Jo. Nothing's impossible. There's always an answer if you can find it. JO: Yes, such as? DOCTOR: Well, that's the trouble - finding it. No, I think this is the time for lateral thinking. JO: What? DOCTOR: Well, instead of approaching the problem from head on, you approach it sort of sideways. JO: Sideways? DOCTOR: Yes, take our own particular example for a moment, eh? This is our problem; we can't go forward because this shaft is too steep, we can't go back the way we came because of our hungry little friends here. JO: Oh, I see! So we've got to go sideways. DOCTOR: Well,...I didn't mean it quite so literally, Jo. If...if we move sideways, we'll find ourselves back on the ship. JO: (Excited.) Wait a minute - the ship! Well, that's it! There's rope on the ship, miles of it! We can use it to get down the shaft. Oh, Doctor, you're brilliant! DOCTOR: I am? JO: Yes, of course you are! I see what you mean now be lateral thinking. Come on, let's go. DOCTOR: Right, hang on a minute. Let's take a look at the plan. JO: Right. (He takes his notebook out of his pocket.) DOCTOR: Now, according to this plan, there should be a way back on the ship... (There is another roar, again somewhat nearer.) DOCTOR: Just around the corner. Come on. (They get up and move off in the direction indicated.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (Sat down, VORG is rifling through one of their bags as SHIRNA, nearby, continues to look over the scope.) SHIRNA: They must be in that upper section, Vorg. Can't you push them back into the circuit? VORG: I'm not putting my hand in there again! SHIRNA: Well, think of something! They'll wreck the machine if you leave them there. VORG: Look, all they're interested in, Shirna, is the Tellurians. The minute they're polished off, they'll probably follow their own trail back home. SHIRNA: Why don't you close down the support system? (He pulls a bottle of green liquid out of the bag.) VORG: Because I can't. We'd lose the entire collection. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD (An elongated hexagonal shaped door in the side of the darkened hold of the "SS Bernice" opens. The DOCTOR steps cautiously out and looks round.) DOCTOR: Right, it's all clear. Come on. (Jo follows him, pulling the door closed behind her. They move further into the hold.) JO: How much do we need? DOCTOR: About a dozen fathoms, I should think. JO: Fathoms? DOCTOR: Ah, here's some here. (They move to pick up some rope which is behind one of the packing crates. Suddenly they hear the clanking of the hold door being unlocked.) DOCTOR: Quick! (They crouch down behind the crate. The iron door creaks open and ANDREWS, armed with a rifle, and a sweating MAJOR DALY enter the hold, looking cautiously around.) JOHN ANDREWS: Can't see anything here, Major. MAJOR DALY: Well, I heard it quite plainly. Like the hound of the bally Baskervilles! JOHN ANDREWS: Are you sure it came from here, sir? MAJOR DALY: Positive, old boy. JOHN ANDREWS: Well, perhaps some of the cargo shifted. MAJOR DALY: Oh, sea's a bit calm for that, isn't it? JOHN ANDREWS: Well, vibration could have done it, sir. The skipper's got her up to full steam, trying to make up a few hours. MAJOR DALY: Ah, Bombay tomorrow, eh? By Jove, I could do with a soak in a tub of fresh water, what? (ANDREWS has spotted something and signals for quiet. He nods towards the crate from behind which JO'S booted foot peeks out.) JOHN ANDREWS: Alright, come on out from there. (He cranks the handle of his rifle back.) JOHN ANDREWS: It's no good lying doggo. I can see your foot. (JO looks round and sees that it is her foot that he is talking about. She indicates to the DOCTOR that he should stay where he is and keep quiet. He nods and she stands up in full view of the two men.) MAJOR DALY: By jingo, a memsahib! JOHN ANDREWS: Where did you stowaway? JO: (Sighs.) Here we go again! JOHN ANDREWS: What? JO: Nothing. JOHN ANDREWS: Well, you'd better come with us, Miss. (Unperturbed, JO strides out of the hold. The two 'captors' follow and the DOCTOR rises cautiously up from his hiding place.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. INTER MINOR. DESERT (NIGHT) (ORUM and KALIK walk in the night air of the desert next to the space port.) ORUM: Zarb's position is secure. How can a rebellion succeed? KALIK: The Drashigs escape from the machine and then into the city. They would cause havoc before finally being destroyed. The Central Bureau would be forced to admit to serious miscalculation, and on whose part, Orum? Who would be blamed? ORUM: President Zarb! KALIK: Exactly. The Drashigs are only here because of Zarb's liberal-minded weakness. ORUM: Popular feeling would be aroused against him, certainly. [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (They walk back into the port and talk quieter as the functionaries with the eradicator.) ORUM: But you're forgetting one thing. KALIK: What? ORUM: The eradicator. (They glance at the weapon.) ORUM: Assuming the Drashigs do escape, they'll never get into the city. [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (JO drinks a glass of orange juice as CLAIRE DALY pours one for herself.) CLAIRE DALY: Why don't you tell John how you came aboard? JO: 'Cos he wouldn't believe me. CLAIRE DALY: Well, he'll only keep questioning you until you do tell him the truth. It's his job, you see? JO: Look, how long do you think you've been on this ship? CLAIRE DALY: What? JO: Well, you know - how long? CLAIRE DALY: Do you mean since we left England? JO: Well, yes, if you like. CLAIRE DALY: Mmm, nearly four weeks - why? JO: Well, doesn't it seem like ages? I mean, well don't you seem like you've been doing the same things for as long as you can remember? (CLAIRE suddenly looks as if she has had a fleeting memory. But her face clears almost as quickly and, with a sigh, she shakes her head.) CLAIRE DALY: Ah, I don't know what you mean. (ANDREWS and MAJOR DALY come back into the saloon.) JOHN ANDREWS: The Captain wants to see you, Miss. JO: Oh, well, anything for a change. JOHN ANDREWS: Well, not a pleasant change, I'm afraid. He's certain to put you under arrest. JO: Well last time he was too busy to see me. MAJOR DALY: (Puzzled.) Last time? JO: Well, yes, when I was put in your cabin, Major Daly. No, wait a minute. No, that wasn't last time. That was the time before. Oh, can't any of you remember anything? [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD (The DOCTOR, a length of rope slung over his shoulder, heads back for the hexagonal door. He opens it - into the screaming roar of a Drashig on the other side. He jumps back hurriedly and watches as the huge reptile crashes through the wall from the workings of the scope. The DOCTOR, a look of fear on his face, backs up towards the opposite wall as the Drashig starts to push its way into the hold, roaring all the time.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (The cries reach the saloon.) MAJOR DALY: There it is again, Andrews! JOHN ANDREWS: And it did come from the for'ard hold! MAJOR DALY: Why... [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD (The DOCTOR is still backing up as the Drashig moves nearer. Suddenly, the DOCTOR falls to the floor and a small packing case lands on top of him. The door to the hold opens and ANDREWS with his rifle, two armed Indian sailors and MAJOR DALY run in. They look up in disbelief at the Drashig.) MAJOR DALY: I don't believe it! JOHN ANDREWS: Fire! (They fire several shots at the screaming, roaring creature which have no effect. ANDREWS indicates that they should get out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (ORUM watches in surprise as KALIK send the eradicator detachment of functionaries off.) ORUM: (Whispers.) Where are they going? KALIK: (Whispers.) To the guard block. One ordered them to take their repasts. ORUM: (Whispers, shocked.) But regulations state that no eradicator must be left unattended. If there's a heat build-up, it could engage accidentally! KALIK: (Whispers.) But this one won't, Orum - will it? [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. SS BERNICE. MAIN DECK (The "SS Bernice" is in a panic. The Indian sailors shout at each other in their native language. One runs across the deck head towards ANDREWS.) JOHN ANDREWS: What is it, man? (Up above, the bearded, white-uniformed CAPTAIN comes out of the bridge and shouts down to ANDREWS.) CAPTAIN: What's going on, Mr. Andrews? JOHN ANDREWS: (To the sailor.) Right, get going. (He shouts up at the CAPTAIN.) JOHN ANDREWS: It's through into the after hold, sir. CAPTAIN: Well, where on earth did it come from, man? Out of the bilges? JOHN ANDREWS: It's as big as an elephant, sir - bigger. CAPTAIN: Bosun, where's that gun? JOHN ANDREWS: I know where there's something even more useful, sir, in the for'ard hold - dynamite. (As ANDREWS runs to the bow of the ship, the CAPTAIN yells down to the Indian Bosun.) CAPTAIN: Bosun, chalo, chalo!... ! [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (As KALIK keeps watch, ORUM is trying to sabotage the unattended eradicator gun. Suddenly KALIK hisses twice and ORUM hurriedly pockets a component from the eradicator as PLETRAC walks into the area.) PLETRAC: (Pleased.) President Zarb has granted special powers. The Lurmans and their machine are to be deported. ORUM: Excellent! (KALIK glances over at the TARDIS.) KALIK: And the, er, Tellurian vessel? PLETRAC: Oh, that too can be loaded and jettisoned in deep space, unless of course the Lurmans wish to enter a claim of ownership. ORUM: Agreed. (Suddenly, PLETRAC sees that the functionaries are nowhere to be seen.) PLETRAC: (Appalled.) Where are the functionaries?! Why is the eradicator unattended?! KALIK: Er, one ordered them to leave it. PLETRAC: You ordered them? You?! KALIK: They had been on duty continually for two periods. PLETRAC: You have exceeded your authority, Kalik! There will be an enquiry. KALIK: Very well. PLETRAC: But where are the functionaries? ORUM: In the guard room. PLETRAC: Well, fetch them! Fetch them at once! (ORUM runs nervously from the area. KALIK is about to follow but PLETRAC holds him back.) PLETRAC: From the time this tribunal is dissolved, Kalik, you will be suspended pending my official report. Is that clear? KALIK: Perfectly, Chairman Pletrac, perfectly clear. (He smiles and walks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. SS BERNICE. MAIN DECK (MAJOR DALY is leading his daughter and an unwilling JO towards a lifeboat. The banging of the Drashig against the hold cover can be heard.) MAJOR DALY: Come on. JO: But the Doctor's down there! MAJOR DALY: No place for the fair s*x, my dear. JO: I must go! MAJOR DALY: Take place in a lifeboat, the pair of you. JO: I'm not leaving here. (One of the Indian sailors walks up with what looks like a sub-machine gun.) MAJOR DALY: Ah, the very thing. (The sailor begins to speak to the MAJOR in his own language.) MAJOR DALY: Give it to me, man. (Despite the sailor's protests, the MAJOR takes the gun off him.) MAJOR DALY: Quiet! (The MAJOR runs towards the bow of the ship, followed by JO. Up above, the CAPTAIN sees what is about to happen and shouts a warning out...) CAPTAIN: Look out below, Major Daly! (The MAJOR turns. They hear a noise like the shredding of metal and turn to see the Drashig bursting through the hold cover. The MAJOR starts to pump the roaring, shrieking creature full of bullets. It sways and they hear it fall into the sea.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD (The DOCTOR is still unconscious. ANDREWS runs into the hold. He grabs a crowbar off a hook and starts to lever open a crate lid.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (JO, a captor again, is led back into the saloon by the MAJOR. CLAIRE follows.) MAJOR DALY: I'm sorry, my dear, I'm sure the Captain won't be long. By Jove, that beast took a bit of stopping, eh? Well, we could all do with a chocker peg, what? (He heads for the drinks tray.) CLAIRE DALY: I've never seen anything like it. (To JO.) Have you? JO: Well, actually, I have. There's rather a lot of them about. MAJOR DALY: Yes, strange waters these, you know? JO: (Pleading.) Oh, look, please? I've got to find the Doctor. MAJOR DALY: Ahh, you feeling a bit umpty? I'm not at all surprised! (JO looks upset at her inability to make them understand.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD (As other nearby Drashigs roar, ANDREWS lights a stick of dynamite. The DOCTOR comes round and sees what he is about to do.) DOCTOR: No, man, don't! You'll blow us all to bits! Don't! (But a Drashig is sighted through the ripped hole in the wall from the scope workings. ANDREWS throws the dynamite through. It explodes within. He runs forward with another lit stick.) DOCTOR: No, man, no! (This too is thrown through. ANDREWS runs from the hold and the second stick explodes with a massive ferocity that makes the DOCTOR crouch down for safety.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (Torn electrical circuits spark as the immediate effect of the explosion recedes. The DOCTOR cautiously approaches the hole in the wall and looks through.) DOCTOR: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. That's done it. [SCENE_BREAK] 33: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (VORG and SHIRNA are sat with their luggage, still waiting for their deportation. SHIRNA suddenly notices the effect on the scopes console.) SHIRNA: Look at those dials, Vorg. (She gets up and looks closer.) VORG: What about them? SHIRNA: They're suddenly dropping back - all of them! All the circuits! VORG: They can't be. SHIRNA: Well, look for yourself. It's a general power failure. (VORG joins her.) VORG: Don't be ridiculous. The power system's fully protected. SHIRNA: Well? VORG: Well it can't be a power failure. SHIRNA: The generators. VORG: The generators were built by the old Eternity Perpetual Company. They're designed to last forever. That's why the company went bankrupt. SHIRNA: Well, they're still dropping. They'll be down to critical soon. VORG: I can see that. SHIRNA: (Sighs.) Well that's that then. That's the scope finished. VORG: There should be enough power already in the circuits to keep it functioning for a time. SHIRNA: How long? VORG: I don't know. Nothing like this has ever happened before. SHIRNA: Long enough to repair it? VORG: Maybe...if I still had that handbook. SHIRNA: You've not lost it?! (VORG looks sheepish.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (Next to the long dark shaft, the DOCTOR ties the ship's rope to a metal strut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (JO still waits in the saloon. ANDREWS walks in.) MAJOR DALY: Oh, hello, old chap, sundowner? JOHN ANDREWS: Oh, not for me, sir? MAJOR DALY: Claire? CLAIRE DALY: No, thank you, daddy. John and I are just going for a walk. MAJOR DALY: Oh. JOHN ANDREWS: Twenty times round the deck is a mile... (JO, unnoticed for the last moment, steps forward.) JO: You've forgotten, haven't you? You've forgotten everything! MAJOR DALY: 'Pon my soul! JOHN ANDREWS: Who are you? JO: (Sighs.) Here we go again. JOHN ANDREWS: You're not a passenger. Where did you come from? JO: How do know I'm not a passenger? JOHN ANDREWS: What? JO: Well, since none of you can remember more than about...ten minutes ago, how do you know? [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS. BASE OF SHAFT (The DOCTOR climbs down the rope to the bottom of the shaft. The wounded Drashig lies there. He looks briefly over the almost still creature and then looks round. He spots another hexagonal metal door and starts to feel over it for a way through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (JO is still desperately trying to get through to the three people in the saloon...) JO: Can't you remember shooting the monster about...twenty minutes ago? CLAIRE DALY: What monster? JO: I was with you when you shot it down, Major! MAJOR DALY: (Smiling.) Wha...? (The three look at each other in total bafflement. JO gives up, sighs and runs out of the saloon. The MAJOR laughs.) MAJOR DALY: Oh, poor young girl. Must have a touch of the sun, what? JOHN ANDREWS: Maybe. Still, we can't have stowaways wandering about. MAJOR DALY: No. JOHN ANDREWS: Better get after her. MAJOR DALY: Yeah. (ANDREWS runs onto the deck and the MAJOR makes to follow.) MAJOR DALY: (To CLAIRE.) Watch out for the monster! (Laughing, he follows the young officer. Again, CLAIRE'S face shows that she has a fleeting memory.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (NIGHT) (VORG is working on the scope. SHIRA shakes her head.) SHIRNA: The power's still dropping, Vorg. (PLETRAC steps forward.) PLETRAC: What are you doing? VORG: (Quietly.) I wish I knew. (VORG suddenly realises who is talking to him. He spins round.) VORG: Er, oh! Routine maintenance, your worship. (SHIRNA suddenly lets out a cry of fear and disgust. At her feet, a panel on the side of the scope opens and the tiny form of the DOCTOR staggers out and then falls to the floor...)
Plan: A: the Bernice; Q: What ship do the Doctor and Jo return to? A: their escape; Q: What are the Doctor and Jo trying to aid? A: the Drashigs; Q: Who pursues the Doctor and Jo? Summary: The Doctor and Jo return to the Bernice to try and aid their escape but find themselves pursued by the Drashigs.
Lou: Previously on "Heartland": Tim: Casey does make me happy. Lou: You're falling in love with her... And that terrifies you. Casey: I'll see you around. Tim: I'd like you to promise me you'll fight for what's important. Amy: Sounds like you're doing really great. Ty: I am. It was really nice to see you. (Spartan snorts) (Crying) (Cattle moo) Tim: Well, honey, I gotta thank you for helping out. With Jack and Lisa on... what? They're 18th honeymoon... (Laughs) I kinda miss the old guy out here. God knows I'm lonely enough. Amy: So are things really over with you and Casey? (Cattle moo) Tim: I don't know. Maybe she just needs time to think things over. Amy: There seems to be a lot of that going around lately. Tim: Well, it's different for me, Amy. I got a history. You've had... what? Two serious boyfriends? Amy: Yeah. Jesse for about five minutes, and Ty, for five years. Tim: Well, Caleb, he was in the mix too... Amy: No. No, let's not go there. Amy, my point is that you just don't want to go down the same road that I have. Always missing somebody. So you miss Casey. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Then what're you doing, dad? You were the one who told me to fight for what you want. (Spartan snorts, crow caws in the distance) (Cattle moo, hooves plod) Georgie: And this is my great-great-grandfather, Jefferson Bartlett, and my great-grandfather, Jack Bartlett, and his wife, Lyndy, who was my great-grandmother, and their daughter, Marion, who was my grandmother. My grandfather, Tim Fleming, and their daughter, Amy. And these are my birth parents, Matthew and Mary Crawley, and my brother, Jeff. And... this is my mother, Lou, and my father, Peter, and my little sister Katie, and there's me! (Laughs) Peter: That's great! Great job, honey. Lou: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was wonderful. Peter: Yeah. Lou: Real-really wonderful, honey! Peter: Right? It's a kid's family tree project, okay? It's not a master's thesis in genealogy, Lou... Lou: No, honey. But listen. There was Morrises, Flemmings, Bartletts, but besides her parents and her brother, not even a single Crawley. And nothing at all from her mother's side of the family. I mean, it's like she doesn't even have a past. Peter: Let it go. Lou: I can't! Because this is the perfect opportunity for her to connect with her birth family! It's not, no. It's not the perfect opportunity. The perfect opportunity is when she says she wants to connect with her birth family, Lou. Come on, honey. We have the paperwork. We have the contact information. We can... doesn't she have a right to know? Georgie: Know what? (Steer snorts) (Rusty snorts and whinnies) Ty: All right, Caleb, show Casey what he's got. (Snorting) (Gates clang open, horses whinny) Caleb: Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Come on! Whoa! (Loud groan) (Hooves thud) (Groans) Ty: Caleb, you all right? Caleb: Yeah, I'm okay. I mean that wasn't perfect, but... When we get the kinks worked out, what do you think? Casey: Well, he does know how to run. Pretty solidly built too. Caleb: Yeah, that's what we were thinking, hey Ty? Steady in the gate, he's got a good eye. (Phone buzzes) Yeah, sure does. Yeah, problem is, he's okay on the run, but he turns away way too soon. You know, for bulldogging, you need a horse that's gonna give you an honest run every time. Yeah, we can definitely work on that. Ty: Uh, yeah. Well, hey, Casey, thanks for coming to see him. Um, I have to go. Let me know if you guys work something out? Caleb: (Groans) Your partner's got something better to do than sell me a horse? Yeah, he's uh-he's got a job. But no worries though, he's, more or less, the silent part of the equation. So what do you think? Can we make something happen? I don't think so. Not today. But you teach him how to run in a straight line, stick to that steer till you get off him, be happy to take another look. All right! Okay. It's no problem. I'll get right on it. (Phone beeps) Hey, Amy, it's Caleb. Just curious... Do you know anything about training a bulldogging horse? S08E08 ♪ And at the break of day you sank into your dream ♪ ♪ You dreamer ♪ oh, oh, oh... ♪ You dreamer... ♪ You dreamer... Georgie: (Sighs) I still don't see what's wrong with it. There is nothing wrong with it, what you have done is very, very good. But we thought this might be a good opportunity to add some of your birth family? But I don't even know anyone, except for my mom and dad and Jeffie. Well, all the more reason to get to know some of your relatives. For example, your aunt Crystal. Georgie: Who? She was your mother's younger sister, and I have her contact information... right here, on the adoption papers. Never heard of her. All the more reason to get to know her. Look, we could write her an e-mail and ask her if she knows anything about your grandparents. I bet you she could tell you tons about your mom and dad. What do you think? (Door bangs shut) (Door opens and closes) Hey! Case. (Laughs) Casey: Hey, Tim. So...? (Door bangs shut) How you been? I've been good, I've been busy. Horse business. Yup, same here. Yeah... Case, I think I gave you the wrong impression. You know, I-I didn't wanna push you away. I was never moving on. I loved our road trip. Well, we'll always have Brooks. Yeah, or Carstairs? Or Alder Flats? See? I love that. I miss that. I... I think I just... I think I made a mistake calling it off. I called it off. (Car starts nearby) Okay. I'm asking you to reconsider. I don't know, Tim. We're both pretty busy. I'll see you around. Tim: Aw- (Horn blasts, tires squeal) Come on, don't be like that! Just give me a second chance, that's... I'll get it right this time, I promise. Casey: Get what right? Tim: Us. I'll get us right. I miss you. You miss me. Okay, you don't miss me, but... I miss you enough for both of us. Okay... I guess. "Okay, I guess." That's all you got? Yeah. That's all I got. (Door bangs shut) Now get outta here before I change my mind. (Truck engine starts) Okay, all right! (Laughs, truck rumbles away) It's gonna be- it's gonna be great! (Yelling) When should I call you? Cass: Okay, let's go in here. There we go. Get some water... Where's Scott? His truck's gone. He couldn't wait for you, Ty. But he told me to yell at you for him. I was just meeting a client with Caleb. You know... I really don't get it. Scott gives you all this extra responsibility... I mean, he let's you do surgery. If it were me, I'd be stepping up to the plate, Ty. I just need one more sale, so I don't leave Caleb in the lurch... money-wise. Meanwhile, you're letting things slide, your work at the clinic sucks, and I heard your marks are slipping. Cass, you know how hard it is to fast track through vet school. Cass: Yeah, I know. You better watch your back. Pretty soon you'll be the one cleaning the cages and I'll be going on client calls. Ty: One more sale. (Email dings) (Peter groans) Lou: Hey! That was fast! Georgie: What was fast? Your aunt Crystal just got back to me. Oh, great. What'd she say? Lou: Um... "I would be happy to fill in the gaps in Georgina's family tree. (Georgie gasps) My schedule is clear the next few days and I would love to come for a visit..." Peter: A visit? Here? Lou: "...and get reacquainted with my favourite niece." Georgie: Let me see! Lou: (Clears her throat) Georgie: Look, it says she has pictures of my mom when she was a kid! And Jeff and I, and my dad. She's got a whole family album! Peter: (wary) Cool. (Georgie excited gasp) (Truck rumbles to a halt) (Door opens and bangs shut) Hey, Caleb. So... how'd it go with Casey? Caleb: Okay. But she was a little weirded out by the way you just took off. Come on, man, we're supposed to be partners. Well, I was supposed to meet Scott. So what, no sale? (Approaching footsteps) Hey, Amy. Didn't know that you were here. Yeah. I just... wanted to take a look at Rusty, see what we're dealing with. Ty: Huh. Caleb: Look, Casey's interested, but only if we can get him to run the pattern he supposed to. So I... asked Amy to give us a hand. So, uh... So what do you think? He's put together like a bulldogging horse, but this isn't really my specialty. Caleb: Don't worry, brother, we'll get her done. Well, that's good to know. I'm sure that you and Amy uh... Well, I mean, you can figure it out. I uh... I should probably get going, so... See you later. Caleb: I don't know what to tell you. Lately, you get five minutes of his time... Consider yourself lucky. (Truck engine starts) (Truck rumbles away) Tim: So it looks like Casey and I are back on track, and I am not gonna screw it up this time. I am not gonna push her away. That's great, dad. I really like Casey. Did she tell you she's thinking of buying a bulldogging horse? Caleb wants me to help him out. What? Are you kidding me? (Exhales slowly) Oh, there's only one reason that she would buy that. She's gonna give it to me! (Laughs) And why would she give you a horse? She may have gotten the idea that I wanted to get back into rodeo. And how would she get that idea? On the road, I might've said something... about doing some bulldogging on the senior's circuit? Are you kidding me? Oh man... and she's gonna want me to jump off that horse and wrestle a five hundred pound steer, or die trying. No. Nobody is making you jump off a horse. Let me explain something to you, Amy. I've had more than my fair share of glory days, but they've come at a price, and that price is that there's always somebody that wants to see me take one last kick at the can, and I can't risk that. Amy: Okay. Okay. So... do you have any pointers for me? Pointers? Well, more than likely, Caleb's your problem. And if it's not Caleb, then what do I do? Amy: So, first off, my dad says if Rusty's pulling away from the steer too early, it's 'cause he's anticipating the dismount. He's too used to you, so I figure we switch it up. I'll ride Rusty, and you can Haze. What, you're a bulldogger now? Amy: No! There is no way that I'm gonna be taking down a steer, but I figure we'll just tie a ribbon to the steer's back and I can grab it off. You're kidding me. That's for little girls. Shut up, Caleb. Do you wanna do it? (Gates clang open) Caleb: Hi-yah! Hi-yah! (Horses whinny, steer moos) Amy: Well... it's a start. Caleb: Mm-hmm. Caleb: What do we do now? Amy: We keep trying. Come on, Caleb, we got this. Caleb: Yeah. One of these days. Amy: (Sighs) (Purr of approaching vehicle) (Engine shuts off, door clicks open) Crystal: Georgina! (Door closes) Oh... my God! You're all grown up! Wow! (Laughs) I just cannot believe it! Let me get a look at you. Come here. (Gasps) You are definitely your mother's daughter. Look, you've got her same beautiful eyes, and your smile... (Tearing up) Wow! It's just so great to see you! Hi! You must be the lucky couple that adopted Georgina. Peter: Yeah, hi. I'm Peter. Crystal: Hi. Crystal. Peter: This is my wife, Lou. Crystal: Oh, hi. This is our youngest, Katie. Hi. Well, it is just so great to meet you all. I'm so happy that you invited me here to see my niece, finally, after all these years. Would you show me around, hmm? I was no near ready to look after Georgina and Jeffie when my sister... You know, when the accident happened. It would've been really awesome to watch them grow up, but I... I was a kid myself and I was in love. I followed this guy halfway around the world and then... You know, when that didn't work out, I... I just kept going. Lou: And you-you still travel a lot? Yeah, all the time. I'm a travel industry consultant. Lou: Really? Crystal: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I specialize in high end resorts all around the world. You know, fine tuning the relationship between staff and guests and... Just helping them be the best they can be. You know, keep the magic happening. (Door opens and closes) Lou: Wow. Hey! I'm gonna have to eat and run. I'm working down at the rodeo grounds. Well, I'm glad you took a break. Um, Crystal, this is my sister Amy. She's the cowgirl of the family. Amy: Hi. Nice to meet you. Crystal: Hi. You too. Crystal was just telling us about her job. Georgie: She's a travel consultant! Amy: Well, that sounds fun. Crystal: Mm-hmm, yeah, it's a great job. Actually, you know my next stop is Siena, Italy, where they've been having this amazing horse race since the sixteen hundreds. Yeah! The Palio di Siena. I would love to go to that. Georgie: Oh, me too! Crystal: Well, then let's do it! Amy: Okay! Crystal: Okay! (Laughing) Amy: It was nice to meet you, Crystal. Crystal: Yeah, you too. Peter: You know, Crystal, Lou here is also in the hospitality industry. Lou: Oh... Peter: (Chuckling) Yeah... Now... Owner and operator of the best diner in town, as well as a sweet little dude ranch. The Heartland Equestrian Connection. I know, I checked out your website. It looks fabulous. And I would think, in a location like this, it must be doing really well. Lou: Oh, yeah, we do okay, but you know, it's- it's not a huge business. Oh. It-it could be. I mean, we should talk, Lou. It's a little bit more of a mom and pop operation than my usual clients, but, um, I think I could help you make some really great connections. Oh, really? That would... be great. And Peter, what do you do? You don't look like a rancher. Peter: No. Me, no. Just... another guy working in the oil industry. Crystal: Ha! Yeah, well, now we're talking about real jobs, right, Lou? (Laughs) Lou: Well, um, you had said in your e-mail that you could help Georgie with her family tree project. I can. That's why I'm here. Well, I mean, also to get reacquainted with my lovely little niece. Lou: Well, you know, we understand that you're a very busy lady and you only have a little time... Actually... I checked out the availability of your dude ranch online and I saw that there was a cabin free. So I was thinking, how great would it be if I just stuck around for a couple of days so Georgie and I could catch up, huh? Yeah! That sounds- that sounds perfect. Crystal: Okay. Lou: So, Peter, why don't you... take Crystal down to the dude ranch and help her get settled in? Georgie: Oh, can I come too? Lou: Uh, later. I need you to help me clean up first, okay? Georgie: Oh, please, Lou! Come on! Crystal: Please, Lou, come on. Okay... (Laughs awkwardly) Sure. Just help me clear the table. Georgie: Okay. She doesn't call you mom and dad? Uh... no, you know, sometimes. Usually it's just Peter and Lou. Crystal: Ah... huh. (Steer bangs against fence, grunts) (Gates clang open, steer bellows) Caleb: Hi-yah! Hi-yah! (Gate clangs open repeatedly) (Steer snorts, gates clang) Amy: Hustle! Hustle! Amy and Caleb: (Frustrated groans) (Steer moos, hooves thud) Caleb: Yeah! (Steer bellows) Caleb: Yeah, get him! Come on! Amy: (Frustrated groan) (Steer moos) (Hooves thud, steer bellows) (Steer bellows) Ready? This is it. (Takes a deep breath) (Steer snorts) (Gate clangs open, steer bellows) Caleb: Get him! Get him! Come on! (Hooves thunder) Caleb: You did it! Amy: Woo-hoo! (Hooves thud loudly, Amy laughs) Amy: That was fast! Caleb: (Laughs) Yeah! What was that? Like two, three seconds, tops. And he kept his stride, he stayed right on it. Caleb: So, what's next? Amy: I think it's time to call Casey. Caleb: Oh, yes! (Amy laughs) (Door closes) [SCENE_BREAK] Lou: Hey! Peter: Hey. How's it going, uh, with Crystal? Peter: So far, so good. I mean... Yeah, she's got a ton of pictures and... stories and... Yeah, I bet she does. (Coffee pours) What... what's that supposed to mean? I thought this is what you wanted? Yeah. No. It was. There's just... There's something about Crystal I can't quite put my finger on and... Okay, for example, Georgie is her only niece, so why didn't Crystal bother looking her up the whole time she was in foster homes? Well, that's a good question, but you know what, honey? Georgie's having a really good time with Crystal right now. She's learning a lot, getting a good education about her birth family. Let's just... don't ruin it for her, okay? Yeah. For sure. Crystal: Okay. So my mom and dad, your grandparents... This is Michael and Sylvia Norwood. Then your grandmother... you would have loved her. She sang in nightclubs. (Laughs) And dad... he really loved baseball. But, uh, you know, he was a Wildcat oil man, so we were always on the move. I guess that's why I never really settled down. And... what about my mom and dad? Oh, your dad? (Chuckles) He was a real charmer. Your mom said that she took one look at him and she knew that that was the man she was gonna marry. So that's them on their wedding day. Georgie: Wow. Crystal: Yeah. And this... this is your mom when she was 18. When we were kids, we weren't just sisters, you know? We were... best friends. We could spend hours talking, and it was like it was just the two of us against the world. It's kinda like how I feel when I'm here with you. And I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll always be here for you, okay? Kinda like... my godmother? How about your fairy godmother? (Laughs) (Sighs, sets picture down) Crystal: Here. Let me have a look at you. Georgie: Okay. Where'd you get this shirt, Georgie? Georgie: Um... I-I think it was Amy's? Crystal: Yeah? What about the jeans? I think they were from... Big Bob's outdoor store. They were on sale. Crystal: Hmm... So does Lou always dress you in... hand-me-downs and discount things? I'm-I'm... I'm just not really that into fashion. Honey, I'm not just talking about-about fashion. I'm talking about self-expression. I'm talking about grabbing people's attention and keeping it, about becoming the person that you wanna be. You are such a pretty girl, Georgie. I just feel like it's a shame that you wanna hide it underneath all these... scruffy clothes and your hair all pulled back tight. You know, I have a fun idea! Hmm. Yeah. Ty: Yeah, that's great news, man. Of course! Uh, well, I gotta work tonight, but, um... Yeah, sounds good. Okay, bye. (Phone beeps off) Cass: So...? Caleb. Sale's in the bag. We're gonna meet tomorrow night. Well... you don't sound very happy about it. I'm happy, I'm just uh... not looking forward to telling him. You think too much, Ty. Maybe you should start focusing on your long term goals. Hey, I know what I'm aiming for. I wanna be a vet... But I want to be a vet who's married to a woman he loves, have a great family, good friends. A truck, really cool motorcycle... Maybe a dog. I've never had a dog. You know, that sounds a little less focused than you think it does. But that's okay. That's all right. It just makes me look more focused. (Stove rattles, approaching footsteps) Peter: Any word from Georgie? Nope. You think we should give her a call or...? Who's worried now? Crystal: Hello! We're back! Lou: Hey! Crystal: (Clears her throat) (Door opens) Ta-da! Crystal and Georgie: (Giggle excitedly) Holy! What happened to your face? Uh-I mean... You look so grown up! Peter: Yeah. Lou: No! Georgie, I didn't... Crystal: Maybe I should go talk to her. I had no idea you'd be so uptight about this. Crystal, please. I'll talk to her. Georgie: (Crying) Lou: Georgie... Oh, honey... Let me help you. Georgie: I don't want any help! (Sobbing) Lou: Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said, okay? But washing your face with water, it's not gonna do anything. Here, let me do it. Come on. Georgie: (Sobbing) Lou: Hey... hey... It's okay. Look. Maybe, next time, just a little less eye goop. Unless you're going to a costume ball, okay? We just went shopping and... Crystal gave me a makeover. It was just for fun. Crystal is a lot of fun, and this shade of lipstick looks great on her, but... maybe not on a girl your age. She says that it's important to make a big statement because it doesn't matter if you're the smartest person in the room if nobody even notices that you're in the room. Lou: That's one way of looking at it. But I don't know how old Crystal is... but she needs help to look the way she looks. At your age, you don't need any help. Do you understand? You're gorgeous just the way you are. Georgie: (Sniffling) She says I look like my mom. (Light kiss, Lou sighs) I hate her. I hate her. I mean, she makes me feel like a frump. You know, like a prude, an old fuddy-duddy. Well, I know from personal experience that you're none of those things. Yeah, but Georgie doesn't. You know, I wish grandpa was here. He would take one look at Crystal and send her packing so fast her head spin. Honey, I told you, if you need someone to send Crystal packing, I'm your man. No, I'm sorry. I didn't- I didn't mean that. I just... How am I supposed to compete with someone like her? You don't have to compete with her. You're Georgie's mom. Crystal will never come between that, no matter how fun and sexy she is. It's not... Peter: "Thinks" she is. I didn't... Lou: So she's sexy? (Sighs) It's just an observation. It's nothing personal. Okay, so are you the one I need to be worried about? (Laughs) No, of course not. But we shouldn't be worried about Georgie either. And exactly what is so damn sexy about her? (Laughs) What? Georgie? Back here. Crystal: Oh, there you are. What are you doing? Georgie: Well, I'm mucking out. It's one of my chores. Crystal: Mucking out? Georgie: Yeah. What other chores do you have? Georgie: Um, well... I make sure the horses have food and water, I turn them out, keep the barn clean, the bins stocked. And you do that all by yourself? Sometimes Jack and Amy help out, but most of the time it's just me. Oh, and I have a new horse. Come on, I'll show you. Come on! Crystal: Okay. Georgie: This is Checkers. He's my trick riding horse. Crystal: Trick riding? Georgie: Yeah! Crystal: Well, that sounds fun! Georgie: Yeah, I take lessons. We do cool tricks on a horse while it gallops around the ring. Well, I'd love to see that. Well, I'm not very good at it yet. I mean, I usually do it with Amy. I'm not allowed to do it without adult supervision. Well, that's what I'm here for, Georgie. I'm adult supervision. Huh? And listen... don't you go around through life telling people what you can't do. You tell them what you can do. You tell 'em straight so they believe you, right? Okay. You should go show me what you can do, huh? Georgie: Okay. (Gate clanks) (Low chatter in the distance) Caleb: Isn't that your dad? Amy: Oh no. Caleb: What's the problem? Come on, Caleb. My dad bulldogging? He's gonna kill himself trying to impress her. Tim: Hey, Amy, this the guy you told me about? Amy: What're you doing here, dad? Casey called me. She wanted me to check him out. Casey: Well, I just thought, when it came to bulldogging, who's the big expert around here, right? How's he look to you, Tim? Tim: He looks good. Good muscle. Steady. So what do you say? You wanna see what he's got? Yeah, you should see me go, dad. I'm getting really good at getting him in the zone. Casey: You know what, Amy? I don't know how much that's actually gonna tell us. Bulldogging is, after all, a big man's game. Tim: Well, not necessarily. But if... If-if Casey needs to see a heavyweight in the saddle, somebody who knows what he's doing... Amy: Yeah! Caleb here has been so excited to show you what he's got, right? Uh... yeah. All set to go. Tim: Well... (Gate clangs open, steer bellows) Caleb: Hi-yah! (Hooves thunder) Caleb: Ungh! (Steer bellows) (Clapping) Caleb: Woo! What'd you think of that, Casey? Casey: I think you just sold me a horse. Caleb: All right! Tim: Pretty impressive. Twist my arm, I'll let you have him. No, you can't just give me a horse. Well, I'm not gonna give you a horse, but I'll sell him to you at cost. Tim: Oh, okay, all right. Sure. If you're gonna "sell" him to me? You don't mind, right, Caleb? Caleb: Course not. As long as I'm making a sale. See, the whole time we were out on the circuit, your dad just kept talking up the good old days, you know, and how he wanted to get back into bulldogging, but... he never did anything about it. I'm just... giving him a little push. Amy: Isn't that great, dad? Your very own, shiny new bulldogging horse. Just what you've always wanted. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You got yourself a deal. Crystal: All right. I wanna see your best trick. I want you to amaze me. Georgie: Um... o-o-okay. Um... well, there's something called the side backbend. Wow, okay. Now that sounds good! Georgie: (Chuckles nervously) Okay... Crystal: Okay. Georgie: (Clucks her tongue) (Checkers snorts, hooves thud) Whoa! (Laughs) Georgie: (Grunts in distress) Georgie? Georgie: (Grunting in distress) Georgie?! Are you-are you okay? Georgie: Ungh! Crystal: Georgie! Georgie! Georgie: (Crying in pain) Crystal: Oh God... Georgie: Ow! Crystal: Oh, honey... Lou! Georgie: Ow! Ow! Crystal: Peter! Georgie: Ow... (Crying) Crystal: Oh, honey... oh my God. Georgie: Ow... (Gasps in pain) Lou: Peter, I think Georgie's hurt! (Screen door creaks) Crystal: I don't think you should get up! Georgie: No! No! Crystal: (Screams) Lou! Get the car, honey, and bring Katie! Crystal: Okay, okay. Go slow. Georgie: Ow... ow... Crystal: Oh, I'm so sorry. Lou: Georgie! Georgie: Ow! Honey, what happened? Crystal: It's her arm. She was trying to show me a trick. Lou: And you let her?! Georgie: (Yelps) Lou: She knows she's not supposed to without Amy here. Georgie: You can't blame her! It's all my fault! Lou: No, no, honey. Georgie: Ow! Ow! Ow... Peter: Okay, sweetheart, come here. We're gonna go to the hospital. Georgie: (Screams) Ow! Ow... (Crying) Peter: Okay, okay. Crystal: Okay, well, tell me where you're going... Lou: No, no, we've got it from here. Just... just stay here. We can handle it. Georgie: (Crying) Ow... Peter: You're okay, honey. Georgie? Honey, just remember, that wasn't doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Lou: Crystal? Shut up! Peter: Do me a favour, Crystal? Close that gate so the horse doesn't get out, please? We'll call you with updates. (SUV rumbles away) (Truck engine starts) Casey: Bye, you guys! (Truck rumbles away) I know! Why didn't you just tell her you weren't serious about bulldogging?! It almost killed you once, isn't that enough? I should have. I couldn't because this thing with Casey, it could be serious and I didn't want to come across as some... over-the-hill blowhard, that... is all hat and no horse. Dad, do you know how stupid that sounds? But it's also kind of sweet. You got a good deal on the horse. (Rusty snorts) Ty: So, Caleb, we really need to talk. Yeah. Definitely. I mean, things are really starting to heat up. We got new contacts, new connections. You know, if we want to stay on top, we really should develop a strategy for the future. Ty: Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Cass: Oh! Hey, Ty... Ty: Cass, hey. Uh... You remember Caleb, right? We were just talking business right now. Cass: Hm. Well, I'm meeting someone, so I'm gonna go look for him. Caleb: No way. Sit down. You gotta help us celebrate our big sale. Yeah, I don't think so. He's around here somewhere. Ty: Yeah. Caleb: If a guy couldn't pick you out of a crowded room he'd have to be blind. (Loud chatter, music plays) What're you drinking? Bourbon and branch. But sorry, Caleb. I'm drinking it with my boyfriend. (Pool balls clack) Caleb: Oh. Boyfriend. (Bar buzzes with chatter and music) (Door closes) Amy: Anyone home? Crystal: Oh! In here, Amy. Where is everyone? Crystal: You don't know? I can't... I can't believe that Lou didn't call you! There's been an accident. Georgie hurt herself trick riding. She hurt herself? W-where are they? Lou and Peter took her to emergency, the local hospital, I-I guess. (Dialing beeps) What was she doing trick riding? She says she's been working with you. I-I just assumed it was okay. Lou, hi. Um... is Georgie okay? Where are you guys? What's Cass' boyfriend got what I don''t got? I mean, I'm an okay... to reasonably handsome looking man. Now w-what is it? Just the money? Nothing's ever just about the money, Caleb. Ty: I mean look at you and me... That's the whole problem right there in the proverbial nutshell, isn't it? You know what we need to do? We need to make more money... Caleb, would you just let me finish? (Taken aback) 'Kay. I need you to buy me out of our partnership, okay? I just can't handle it right now and vet school's really intense. And I got a lot going on with Scott. (Laughs) You can relax. I'm kinda doing all the heavy lifting on my side, brother. Ty: I-I know, but... The horse business... It's getting in the way of my long term goals. Man, we came here to celebrate a sale, and you're telling me you don't wanna be in business with me anymore because of some long term goals? That's like splitting up on the honeymoon. I know, Caleb, I know. But we'll still be buddies though, right? Jesse: Hey, guys, let's make this a party! Caleb: Jesse Stanton. You're the boyfriend. Jesse: Yes, and you're still the jackass who dumped my sister. So... how's the horse business going, fellas? (Bar buzzes with chatter and music) (Screen door opens) Amy: Oh, Georgie, are you all right?! Georgie: Uh, yeah, I broke my arm. Peter: It's just a hairline fracture. She'll be okay. Lou: Uh, where's Crystal? Amy: In there. Lou: Can you please put Katie in bed? Amy: Yup. Peter: 'Kay, let's get you upstairs too, honey, okay? Georgie: Yeah. Lou: I need to have a little talk with Crystal. Crystal: Uh-oh. Sounds like someone's in trouble. Georgie: Am I grounded? Peter: No, no. Of course you're not grounded, honey. You may want to think about staying off a horse for a while though. Georgie: I know I wasn't supposed to be trick-riding. Peter: Well, good. We're glad that you know that. We understand though, okay? I know that your aunt Crystal can be a little overwhelming at times? Crystal: I had no idea what she was gonna do. I tried to warn her, but it was too late. She is just a very brave and determined little girl. She's just like her mother. You know, Crystal, I can't help but feel that you're trying to undermine my authority. Hardly. I... You're just upset because Georgie's taking her first steps at independence and you're losing control. No, no. That's not it at all. Okay, second guess. You're trying to keep me away from Georgie because I'm actually related to her. Georgie: She said she wanted to see something amazing, so I tried to show her the side backbend, but I'm just learning, and I told her I knew how to do it. (Sighs) I didn't wanna disappoint her and... she thinks she's making me feel better about myself, but she just keeps making me feel worse! Come here. (Light kiss) Georgie: Ow! Peter: Sorry. Lou: She was two years old when she lost her parents and she doesn't even remember you. And no matter what you think, Crystal, Georgie is part of this family. Yes. Now. It's only been a couple of years. She was born into my family. Let me spell it out for you and be perfectly clear. Georgie is my daughter, I am her mother. Katie is her sister, and Peter is her father. Yes, and I am her aunt. She is my sister's daughter, and I have the right to spend time with her. Not unless we say so. Crystal: Well, you can't stop her, Lou, because she can make her own... Peter: Okay, I've just been upstairs talking to my daughter, and Crystal, I think you should leave. Right now. Just... just pack up your stuff and go, okay? You... you can't do this. You've got no legal right to stop me from seeing my niece. You've got no legal right to keep her away from me. Peter: But it is our house and we do have the legal right to tell you to get the hell out of here. (Exhales sharply) Look, I don't know what it is that you think that you're protecting Georgie from. I mean, I know you're trying to be really good parents and everything, but I can tell that the way that you are going about it is totally wrong. And you watch, because it is gonna backfire on you. (Receding footsteps) (Screen door bangs shut) (Car door shuts, engine starts) (Car rumbles away) Lou: Georgie? What happened? Where's Crystal? Where's she going? I don't know. And right now, I don't care, as long as she goes. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I know, honey. Georgie: (Sniffling) I mean... I mean, how could I even listen to her. All that stuff about me being just like my mom? She doesn't even know me! How can she even say that? Lou: Georgie... Georgie: I... I just... I wanted to know more about my mom. Lou: So did I. Come here. It's okay. I love you. Georgie: I love you, too. Caleb: (Drunkenly) So I bring my best friend into the mix, above all odds, we tough it out and come out on top. And what's he do? He up and quits on me! Know what? Here's to getting out while the getting's good, hey, Ty? Jesse: Hey, listen, man. I feel your pain, okay? I do. But maybe I can help you guys out. I've got the one thing that you both need. A super hot girlfriend? Jesse: No, Caleb. Capital. Liquidity. Cold hard cash. And I think I have a way that can make everyone happy. Cass: Really, Jesse? I didn't come here to talk about business. Jesse: Hey, this'll just take a second, okay? So here's what I wanna put on the table. I buy Ty's loan from you... And I buy your partnership with Caleb from you. Ty: So I'm out and he's in? Or I'm in, and he's out? Jesse: Gentlemen, you're missing the point here. Caleb, you get the capital that you need to run your business, and Ty, you want out, so whether I'm in or not has nothing to do with you. Caleb: Well, business is business. Ty: Hey! Listen up. Don't do this. You're drunk, okay? Jesse: Stay out of this. Caleb: Yeah, man. Let me go. I need me some of that capital. Ty: No, you don't. You're gonna regret this, I guarantee it. Jesse: Shut up, Ty! Ty: The last thing you wanna do is go into business with Jesse Stanton. Caleb: Partners. There we go. That wasn't so hard, was it? Caleb: Not at all. (Hard punch) Ty: Ungh! Cass: Jesse! Ty: Ungh! I've been waiting to do that for seven years. Caleb: All right? Ty: Ungh! You just punched my best friend. You've made a huge mistake. Peter. No car. She's actually gone! Peter: Let me check to make sure. (Door opens and closes) Yup, she's definitely gone. Peter: What's that? Lou: A photo album. Some parting words there? Lou: Yeah. "Dearest Georgie, I'm sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I didn't want to over-stay my welcome." Huh. Too late for that. "My family photo album is for you, and I know you will treasure it. All my love, Crystal. PS. don't let them turn you into a pumpkin!" Peter: "Turn you into a pumpkin?" What's that supposed to mean? Lou: I have no idea. Caleb: I shook on it, man. I can't weasel out of it now. Ty: You were drunk... and he punched me in the face! Caleb: Yeah, that's true. I got in a pretty damn good one though, hey? Both: (Laughing) Amy: I really don't believe you guys. You're hung over, you-you look terrible, and what? You got in some stupid fight last night? Let's just say that beer and business don't mix. Incidentally, neither do friends and business, but nothing that couldn't be worked out with a night in the can. I guess my real question is, of all people, why did you call me? I... I just didn't really know who else to call. Well, next time, don't. Bailing you two idiots out of the drunk tank is not exactly how I wanna spend my morning ever again. Hurry up! Get in the truck or I'll leave you here. (Sighs) (Truck rumbles in reverse) Amy: (Sighs) Did I mention I hate you guys? Casey: What happened to bringing a trailer? You gonna ride this guy home? Tim: Casey, that's just it. I... I can't buy this horse from you. Why not? He's a great bulldogging horse. You saw how he ran. He's right on target every time. Tim: Yeah, I know, and that's why it'll be easier sell to somebody else... anybody but not me. I can't buy him. All this stuff about me wanting to get back into rodeo and it being in my blood... That was BS? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'm just losing my edge. You know... Casey: (Laughs) Tim: Oh, really? You knew... This whole time. I had a pretty good idea. So what was this whole thing about buying a horse? I wanted to give you a chance to come clean. Okay, I'm gonna tell you something right now. I am not killing myself to impress you. (Laughs) You know what, Tim? It takes a lot of guts for a man to admit when he can't do something. It's one of the things I like about you. You got guts. Okay, see, you had me there up to the end and then... Say I have guts for quitting something I love...? Tsk. ♪ I wanna spend all of my days with you ♪ Just as long as you don't quit me. ♪ I'll carry your burden, be the wind at your back ♪ You know, you wanting us to get back together might be one of the smartest things you've done in a while. Agh! (Hard thud) You asked to get back together, remember? Oh, yeah. Ungh! Good call on my part. (Casey laughs as Tim kisses her) Georgie: And this is my grandfather Michael Crawley, and his wife, Sylvie. And this is my aunt Crystal, and finally, my birth parents, Matthew Crawley, and my mom, Mary. But they died a long time ago, and even though they are a very important part of my life and I wish I could remember them, my real parents are right here with my cute little sister, Katie. My mom, Lou Fleming-Morris, and my dad, Peter Morris. Ta-da! Georgie, that's really sweet. It's a great presentation, sweetheart. Georgie: Thank you. Announcer: On the next Heartland, saving wild horses brings them together. It's a horse trap. Announcer: But can Ty and Amy put the past behind them? We can re-home them. Announcer: An all new Heartland, returns Sunday December 7th at 7:00 on CBC.
Plan: A: A school project; Q: What opens a door to Georgie's past? A: Georgie; Q: Whose past could change her life at Heartland? A: interest; Q: What does Casey express in buying one of Ty and Caleb's bulldogging horses? A: Caleb; Q: Who enlists Amy's help to train a bulldogging horse? A: the deal; Q: What does Caleb want to secure by training Casey's horse? A: their first big sale; Q: What is the reason that Ty and Caleb want to end their business partnership? A: an unlikely alliance; Q: What does Caleb form with Ty after he tells him he wants to pull out of their business partnership? A: his senior rodeo circuit dreams; Q: What is Tim forced to come clean about when he learns that Casey is buying a bulldogging horse for him? Summary: A school project opens a door to Georgie's past that could ultimately change her life at Heartland. Meanwhile, Casey expresses interest in buying one of Ty and Caleb's bulldogging horses and Caleb enlists Amy's help to train it in order to secure the deal. Then, while celebrating their first big sale, Ty tells Caleb that he wants to officially pull out of their business partnership, which results in Caleb forging an unlikely alliance. And Tim is forced to come clean about his senior rodeo circuit dreams when he learns that Casey is buying a bulldogging horse for him
Prologue: Underwater. Copious amounts of bubbles rise through it, some larger, some smaller, as though someone below is doing their best to hold their breath, but can't continue for much longer. The camera pans down, and there is Buffy frantically trying to get to the surface. Below her Allan grabs her ankle and pulls her down. She kicks her legs and flails her arms, desperately trying to shake loose. Eventually she manages to break free of his grip and swim to the surface. She breaks through and draws a deep breath. There, kneeling on the dock above, she sees Faith, who reaches down and shoves her back underwater. Cut to Buffy's room. She wakes with a start from the nightmare, and draws several deep breaths to calm herself as she realizes it was all just a dream. She sits up in bed and looks around her room. She pushes the blankets back, gets up and walks out into the hall, where she can hear the news on the TV in her mother's room. News Anchor: We go now live to our field reporter, who is standing by at the waterfront with this breaking news about the murder that has shocked the Mayor and residents of Sunnydale. Buffy can see the TV from the hall. It is showing footage of the boat retrieving Allan's body. Field Reporter: Fishermen discovered the body today, the victim of a brutal stabbing. Authorities and citizens alike were shocked when the slain man was identified as Deputy Mayor Allan Finch. Buffy can't believe that they not only found the body, but that he was also a public figure. Field Reporter: Still reeling from the news, Mayor Wilkins had this to say. The news cuts to the Mayor at a press conference. Mayor Wilkins: Mr. Finch was not only my longtime aide and associate, he was a close personal friend. I promise you I will not rest until whoever did this is found and brought to justice. Thank you very much. Joyce notices Buffy standing behind her. Joyce: Oh, honey, you're up. (turns back to the TV) Oh, it's just terrible, isn't it? Buffy doesn't know what to say or how to react. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunnydale High School library. Buffy is sitting on the study table and Faith is sitting in a chair at the table. Wesley paces. Giles is sitting at the far end. Wesley: I want you to look into this. Find out everything you can about the murder of the Deputy Mayor. Buffy: (nervous and confused) But that's... I-I mean, that's... That's not really our jurisdiction, is it? Faith: (eerily calm) It's no big, B. We'll get into it if he wants. Giles: No, Buffy's right. The Deputy Mayor's murder was the result of human malice. There's nothing supernatural about it. Wesley: We don't know that for certain. (brightly) I say it merits investigation. Giles: (gets up, walks around the table) Which I'm sure the police are doing. Meantime, if you ask me, there are better uses for the Slayers' time. Wesley: (snootily) Ah. But I don't believe I did. (holds the daily paper out to him) Ask you. Giles: (yanks the paper away) Considering the success of your previous adventure... Cordelia walks into the library. Giles looks over at her. Cordelia: Don't let me interrupt. Wait. Let me interrupt. I'm in a hurry. (raises her eyebrows) Giles: What did you need? Wesley turns to see who has spoken, and is immediately taken by her beauty. He stares at her with his mouth agape, looking her up and down. Cordelia: Uh, psych class. Freud and Jung. Book me? Giles: Happily. Cordelia: (notices Wesley, smiles) Check out Giles: The Next Generation. What's your deal? Wesley: (stammering nervously) Uh, I, uh... Well... (swallows) I'm a... Faith is quite amused. She leans forward on the table. Faith: New Watcher. Cordelia: Oh. Wesley: (turns to Buffy, irritated) Does everybody know about you? Buffy: She's a friend. Cordelia: Let's not exaggerate. So... (steps closer) You're the new Watcher. Wesley: (summons his poise, holds out his hand) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Cordelia: (takes it) I like a man with two last names. I'm Cordelia. Wesley: (smiles) And you teach psychology. Cordelia: I *take* psychology. Giles walks behind Wesley with Cordelia's books. Giles: She's a student. Wesley immediately drops Cordelia's hand. Wesley: Oh, well. I, uh... (swallows) Yes. (squares his shoulders) In fact, I am... here to watch... girls. Uh, uh, Buffy and Faith, to be specific. Cordelia: (steps closer, smiling brightly) Well, it's about time we got some fresh blood around here. Wesley: (laughs nervously) Well. Fresh. Yes. At the checkout counter Giles stamps the due date into the books. Giles: Here we go. Cordelia: (to Giles) Thanks. (to Wesley) So, welcome to Sunnydale. She gives him a bright smile and goes to retrieve her books. On her way out she makes sure to put just the right amount of swing in her hips. Wesley: (watching her back admiringly) My. She is cheeky, isn't she? Faith: (still amused) Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait. Wesley: Ahem. (pulls out his handkerchief) Well, uh... (dabs his mouth) Where were we? Buffy: (slips off the table) Done. I mean, we were done, right? Faith: (stands up) Uh, yep. Off to patrol. So we'll see ya. Wesley: (draws himself up) One moment, girls. I'm your commander now, and on the matter of this murder, I am resolved. Natural or super, I want to know. Faith: Fine by me. Always ready to kick a little bad guy butt. She touches her hand to Buffy's shoulder, and the two of them walk out. Wesley smiles beatifically after them. Cut to an empty classroom. The Slayers walk in. Buffy pulls the door closed behind her. Faith checks the other door to make sure it's closed, which it is. They meet in the center of the room. Faith: (challengingly) So, you gonna rat me out? Is that it? Buffy: (imploringly) Faith, we have to tell. I can't pretend to investigate this. I can't pretend that I don't know. Faith: (snidely) Oh, I see. But you can pretend that Angel's still dead when you need to protect him. Buffy: I *am* trying to protect you. Look, if-if we don't do the right thing, it's only gonna make things worse for you. Faith: Worse than jail for the rest of my young life? No way! Buffy: Faith, what we did was... Faith: (ominously) Yeah. We. You were right there beside me when this whole thing went down. Anything I have to answer for, you do, too. You're a part of this, B. All the way. Faith walks out of the classroom, leaving a shocked Buffy behind. Cut to the hall. Buffy comes out of the classroom and walks toward the student lounge. There she sees Willow sitting alone on a couch, and goes to her. Willow notices her coming, glances up for an instant and takes a deep breath as she pretends to go back to her reading, apprehensive about them meeting. Buffy: Hey. Willow: Hey. (Buffy sits) Where's Faith? I-I saw her around. Figured you two were gonna go kill some more nasty stuff. Buffy: Not right now. I-I, um, I think she bailed. They both begin to talk again simultaneously. Buffy: Willow, I was won... Willow: Actually, I'm... They both stop. Buffy lets out a deep breath. Buffy: Um... You go ahead. Willow: (puts her book away) I'm late. I-I'm meeting Michael. The warlock guy? We're still trying to de-rat Amy. Buffy: (smiles thinly) Okay. Neither of them says anything for a long moment. Willow: (evasively) So see ya. (gets up and goes) Buffy: (to herself) See you. Cut to the scene where Allan was killed. The red and blue flashing lights of police car light bars illuminate the area. A forensic expert takes blood and fiber samples from the dumpster as another police officer holds a Maglite up to it. Detective Stein is also there, interviewing a potential witness. Det. Stein: So, uh... You heard the man scream about what time last night? Woman: (worriedly) Oh, I'm not sure. 7:00, maybe 8:00. Det. Stein: Can you be more specific, say between 7:30 and 8:00? The camera moves through the scene and finds Angel, watching from a distance. He sees the blood on the dumpster and watches as the samples are taken. He flashes back to the previous night when he saw the blood on Buffy's hand. Angel: Your hand. Buffy: Oh. It's okay. He's back in the present, and continues to watch all the activity. Cut to City Hall. Cut to the Mayor's office. He puts a sheet of paper into the shredder and listens to it whir through. He follows it with another. The camera pans up to his face. He's not a happy Mayor. Mayor Wilkins: It's not working. Trick: It's supposed to do something besides shred? Mayor Wilkins: It's *supposed* to cheer me *up*. Usually using the shredder gives me a lift. It's fun. Trick: And today you're not getting the ya-yas. Mayor Wilkins: (morosely) No. He shreds another sheet. Mayor Wilkins: Guess it'll take more than this to turn my frown upside down. I just *don't* understand why Allan would leave such a paper trail about our dealings. (considers) Do you think he was gonna betray me? Oh, now, that's a horrible thought. And now he's dead, I'll never have the chance to scold him. Trick: Maybe this will change your mood. He drops a copy of the coroner's report on the desk. The Mayor picks it up and opens it. Mayor Wilkins: What is it? Trick: Bombshell. The Deputy Mayor had wooden splinters in his wound. Struck right through the heart with a sharp, pointed object. Now, word is, someone was fighting vampires not a block away from the scene. Any smart money says it was a Slayer who did this job. Mayor Wilkins: Why? Do you think he talked? To them? Trick: If he did, I'm thinking he said the wrong thing. Mayor Wilkins: (closes the report) Well, this *is* exciting. A Slayer up for Murder One. That's sunshine and roses to me. It really is. He laughs as he taps the end of the report on his desk and sets it down. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ City Hall at night. Cut to Allan's office. Faith and Buffy break in. Buffy closes the door behind them, checking to make sure they weren't seen. She turns on the light. They both look around the office. Faith: (darkly) I'm telling you, we did the world a favor. (goes to his chair) This guy was about as interesting as watching paint dry. Buffy: (uneasily) Faith... Faith: I'm joking. Jeez, lighten up a little, B. She looks across his desk and notices a picture of him with the Mayor. Buffy goes through the papers in his inbox. Faith picks up the picture and stares at it, cradling it gently. Faith: He came out of nowhere. Buffy: (sympathetically) I know. Faith: (annoyed) Whatever. (puts down the picture) I'm not lookin' to hug and cry and learn and grow. I'm just saying it happened quick, you know? She pulls open his drawer. Everything inside is neat and in place. Buffy starts to go through some papers lying on top of his filing cabinets. Faith loses her patience. Faith: You know what? Let's just blow. Who cares what this guy was about? It's kind of moot now, don't you think? Buffy: I don't think he was in that alley by chance. I think he was looking for us. I'd like to know why. She opens a file drawer. It's empty. Faith: So, what, you think there's some big conspiracy? Buffy closes the drawer and opens another. All the folders in it are also empty. Buffy: You were saying? Faith: So his papers are gone. That doesn't prove anything. Buffy: Except that somebody didn't want us to prove anything. Faith begins to get it. Cut to the hall. Buffy opens the door and peeks out. The hall is clear, so she steps out into it. Just then the Mayor's door opens further down the hall, and Mr. Trick steps out. The Mayor is right behind him. Buffy looks back at Faith, and they both scramble back into Allan's office and close the door quietly. They can still hear them talking out in the hall. Mayor Wilkins: Get as many men on it as you can. Trick: Yeah. We'll be wanting to turn up the heat. Cut to the streets. Buffy and Faith step off the sidewalk and into the street. Faith: So the Mayor of Sunnydale is a Black Hat. That's a shocker, huh? Buffy: Actually, yeah. I didn't get the bad guy vibe off of him. Faith: (exasperated) When are you gonna learn, B? It doesn't matter what kind of vibe you get off a person. 'Cause nine times out of ten, the face they're showing you is not the real one. They step up onto the opposite sidewalk. Buffy: (evenly) I guess you know a lot about that. Faith: (stops and faces Buffy) What is that supposed to mean? Buffy: It's just, look at you, Faith. Less than twenty-four hours ago, you killed a man. A-and now it's all zip-a-dee-doo-dah? It's not *your* real face, and I know it. Look, I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it, too. Faith: (insolently) Do you? So fill me in 'cause I'd like to hear this. Buffy: Dirty. Like something sick creeped inside you and you can't get it out. And you keep hoping that it was just some nightmare, but it wasn't. And we are gonna have to figure out... Faith: (interrupts) Is there gonna be an intermission in this? Buffy: Just let me talk to Giles, okay? I swear... Faith: No! We're not bringing *anybody* else into this. You gotta keep your head, B. This is all gonna blow over in a few days. Buffy: And if it doesn't? Faith: If it doesn't, (shrugs) they got a freighter leaving the docks at least twice a day. It ain't fancy, but it gets you gone. Buffy: (in disbelief) And that's it? You just live with it? You see the dead guy in your head every day for the rest of your life? Faith: (steps closer) Buffy, I'm not gonna *see* anything. I missed the mark last night and I'm sorry about the guy. I really am! But it happens! Anyway, how many people do you think we've saved by now, thousands? And didn't you stop the world from ending? Because in my book, that puts you and me in the plus column. Buffy: We help people! It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want. Faith: Why not? The guy I offed was no Gandhi. I mean, we just saw he was mixed up in dirty dealings. Buffy: Maybe, but what if he was coming to us for help? Faith: What if he was? You're still not seeing the big picture, B. Something made us different. We're warriors. We're built to kill. Buffy: To kill demons! But it does *not* mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else! Faith: We *are* better! Buffy is taken aback. Faith: (exhilarated) That's right, better. People need us to survive. In the balance, nobody's gonna cry over some random bystander who got caught in the crossfire. Buffy: (sadly) I am. Faith: (disdainfully) Well, that's your loss. She turns her back on Buffy and walks away. Cut to Buffy's house. Her mother sees her coming and meets her at the door. When she opens it, Buffy can see Detective Stein standing behind her. Joyce: Buffy. Buffy looks at him, eyes widening, remembering him from before. Cut to the living room. Joyce sits in an armchair with her feet together and her hands folded in her lap, listening to the detective question her daughter. Buffy sits on the couch across from her. Det. Stein: Tell me again. You got home at what time last night? Buffy: Late. Um, a-a little past 1:00, I guess. The camera pans around Detective Stein as he asks his next question, and when it moves away from his back he's talking with Faith in her room. Det. Stein: Maybe you can explain to me what a girl your age is doing out all night. Faith: (playing dumb) Just hanging. Det. Stein: Hanging. By yourself? Faith: No. I was with my friend Buffy. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: We were at Faith's watching TV. Joyce listens anxiously to them. Det. Stein: What did you watch? Cut to Faith. Faith: Some old movie. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: Infomercial. Cut to Faith. Det. Stein: Hmm. (nods) That's funny 'cause I got a couple of witnesses who put you near the alley. Faith: (innocently) Witnesses? He walks around her, eyeing her suspiciously. Det. Stein: Somebody stabbed this guy through the heart. Cut to Buffy. Det. Stein: Strange thing is, the weapon, it was made out of wood. Cut to Faith. Det: Stein: Any of this mean anything to you? Faith: (flippantly) Yeah. That whoever did it wasn't hip to the Bronze Age. Detective Stein inhales deeply and sighs. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: Is that it? I'm kinda beat. Det. Stein: Yeah, I have enough for now. Buffy, if you know something, if you're protecting someone, I promise you it'll be better for everyone if you just come clean. Cut to Faith. Faith: You mean am I covering for someone? Hardly. I'm not the throw- myself-on-the-sword type. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: (politely) I wish I could help you. Det. Stein: Well, call me if you remember anything. Cut to Faith. Detective Stein hands her his card. Cut outside her hotel room. He pulls the door closed, takes out his keys and walks to his car. He opens the door, gets in and starts the engine. In the shadows beyond Angel watches him. Detective Stein puts the car in gear and drives off. Cut to Willow's room. She's at her laptop doing research. She hears a tapping at her French doors, and goes to open them. There she sees Buffy looking in sadly. Buffy: Hey. Willow: Hey. Buffy: I need to talk to you. Willow: Good. (Buffy comes in, closes the door) 'Cause I've been letting things fester. (goes to her bed) And I don't like it. (sits) I wanna be fester-free. Buffy: (smiles weakly) Yeah. Me, too. Willow: (stands up) I mean, don't get me wrong. I-I completely understand why you and Faith have been doing the bonding thing. You guys work together. You... You should get along. Buffy: It's more complicated than that. Willow: But, see, it's that exact thing that-that's just ticking me off! It's this whole 'Slayers only' attitude. I mean, since when wouldn't I understand? You, you talk to me about *everything*. I-it's like all of a sudden I-I'm not cool enough for you because I can't kill things with my bare hands. Buffy suddenly bursts into tears. Willow is aghast at this result. Willow: (regretfully) Oh! Oh, Buffy! Don't cry. (hugs her close) I'm sorry. I-I was too hard on you. (lets go) Sometimes I unleash. I-I don't know my own strength. I-i-it's bad. I-I-I'm bad. I'm a bad, bad, bad person. (looks for forgiveness) Buffy: (tearfully) Will, I'm in trouble. Cut to later, after they've calmed down and Buffy's explained. They sit on Willow's bed. Buffy: And Faith acts like she doesn't even care. The way she talks, it's like she didn't even make a mistake. Willow: (takes it all in) Do you think she's, like, i-in shock? Buffy: (sighs) I don't know. And I think that detective knows more than he's saying. I think he knew that I was lying. Willow: (decisively) You have to go to Giles, Buffy. He'll know what to do. Buffy lets out a deep breath, knowing that her friend is right. Cut to the library. Buffy comes in quietly and walks past the counter. Buffy: (troubled) Giles? She stops when she sees him come out of his office. Giles: Buffy. Buffy: Uh... (exhales) I don't really know how to say this, so I'm- I'm... I'm just gonna say it. I know I've kept things from you before, but... Giles turns his head slightly as Faith comes out of his office, too. Faith gives her a steely look, like she expects Buffy to keep things quiet. Buffy: (fumbling) But, um, but I-I've been blowing off my classes. You know, in-in the sense of not attending. And, uh... Faith: It's okay, Buffy. I told him. Buffy: (surprised) You told him? Faith: I had to. He had to know what you did. Buffy: (confused) What I did? She realizes that Faith has told Giles a bold-faced lie. Buffy: Giles, no. Tha-That's just not what happened. Giles: (upset) I don't want to hear it, Buffy. Buffy: (shocked) No! It... Giles: I don't want to hear any more lies. Buffy: (frantically to Faith) You can't be serious! You're setting me up? Giles: Get in my office, now. Faith, I'll talk to you in the morning. Buffy: (imploringly) Giles, please, you have to... Giles: (sternly) Now! Buffy can't believe what's happening. Faith walks around Giles. Buffy goes into his office. Faith stops and faces him. Faith: Um... Sorry. She leaves at a brisk pace. Giles looks down for a moment, then goes into his office. Inside Buffy faces him. Buffy: (desperately) Giles, I didn't do this. I swear. Look, I know that I messed up badly, but the murder, i-it... it was... Giles: (interrupts) Faith. I know. Stunned, Buffy realizes he was just playing Faith's game. Giles: She may have many talents, Buffy, but fortunately, lying is not one of them. Buffy: Oh. Oh, God. (sits) I thought... Giles: I'm sorry. I needed her to think that I was on her side. I don't know how far she'll take this charade. Buffy: Try far. Like, all the way. Giles: You should have come to me right off. (sits facing her) Buffy: I know. Well, I, I wanted to. Giles: But Faith wouldn't hear of it? Buffy: It's not all her fault, Giles. We both thought it was a vampire. I-I only realized it a second before. Giles: Buffy, this is not the first time something like this has happened. Buffy: (confused) It's not? Giles: The Slayer is on the front line of a nightly war. Now, it's, it's tragic, but accidents have happened. Buffy: W-what do you do? Giles: Well, the Council investigates, um, metes out punishment if punishment is due. But I... I have no plans to involve them. I mean, it's the last thing Faith needs at the moment. She's unstable, Buffy. I mean, she's utterly unable to accept responsibility. Buffy: She's freaking. So, so then we just have to help her deal, right? Giles: She's in denial. There *is* no help for her until she admits what happened. Buffy: (uncertainly) I-I could talk to her. Giles: (sighs) Perhaps. Buffy: Or maybe I'm too close. Maybe, maybe one of the guys could. Giles: We should meet. It-it may be that they're seeing a different side of her. Buffy: Okay. Cut to the main area looking into the office. The camera pans past the window. Giles: In the meantime, no one else is to know. Understood? Buffy: Of course. The camera keeps panning until it comes to rest on Wesley, who is standing by the counter, arms crossed and listening grimly. Giles: I mean, this is... extremely delicate. If we scare her off now, we may lose her forever. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Wesley's apartment. He picks up the phone and dials an international number. Wesley: Yes, hello. Mr. Travers, please. Quentin Travers. (listens) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce calling. (listens, confused) The code word? Monkey. (listens, exasperated) M-o-n-k... Just put him on, will you? This is an emergency. Willow: Well, maybe we should all talk to Faith together. Cut to the cafeteria. She, Buffy, Xander and Giles sit among the tables, which have the chairs inverted on them for the night. Buffy: You mean, like that intervention thing that you guys did on me? As I recall, Xander and I nearly came to blows. Xander: Uh, *you* nearly came to blows, Buffy. I nearly came to loss of limbs. Giles: No, Faith is too defensive for a confrontation like that. She'll respond better to a one-on-one approach. Xander: Well, *I* can be the one... on her one. (gets confused looks) Let's rephrase. I think she might listen to me. We kind of have, um, a connection. Buffy: A connection? Why would you think that... Xander: (interrupts) I'm just saying it's worth a shot. That's all. Buffy and Willow exchange a look. Giles: No, I don't, I don't see it, Xander. I mean, of, of all of us, you're the one person arguably that Faith has had the least contact with. Xander: Yeah, but we hung out a little... recently, and she seemed to be, um... responsive. Willow picks up on that, and figures it out. She looks sadly off into space. Buffy: When did you guys hang out? Xander: Oh, she was fighting one of those, uh, apocalypse demon things, and I helped her. Gave her a ride home. Buffy: And you guys talked? Xander: (shakes his head) Not extensively. No. Buffy: Then why would you... (figures it out also, widens her eyes with surprise) Oh. Giles: (gets it, surprised) Oh! He and Buffy both look at Willow, concerned. She notices and looks up. Willow: I don't need to say 'oh'. I got it before. They slept together. Buffy is genuinely sorry that she had to hear it like this. Willow looks back off into space. A long silence follows. The tension in the air is very thick. Giles finally breaks it. Giles: Fine, fine, let's, let's, let's move on. Buffy: Alright. Look, I-I know that you mean well, Xander, but, um, I-I just don't see Faith opening up to you. (gently) She doesn't take the guys that she has a... 'connection' with very seriously. And they're, they're kind of a big joke to her. No offense. Xander: (guffaws, sarcastically) Oh, no! I mean, why would I be offended by *that*? Giles: However, i-if you still want to be of assistance, I, I, I need some help with research. There's still the business of the Mayor and Mr. Trick to attend to. Buffy: Yeah, they, they seemed pretty cozy the other night. Giles: Yes. Uh, Willow, c-c-can you, um, access the Mayor's files? Willow: (comes back to Earth) What? Oh, uh, sure. I can try. Giles: (stands up) Good, yes, because clearly we, uh, (picks up his chair) we need to take a harder look at him. (turns it over) He's, he's, um, he's obviously up to something. (sets it on a table) Buffy: What about Faith? Giles: (sighs) I don't know. I need time. Buffy: She needs help now. (Giles looks at her) I owe her that. Cut to the girls' bathroom. The camera pulls in to a stall with its door not quite closed. "Wish We Never Met", by Kathleen Wilhoite, plays over the scene. Lyrics: Disappointment stops by from time to time The sound of sobbing is coming from inside the stall. Cut inside. Willow sits there crying her eyes out. Lyrics: To see how I'm doing / And he came by last night right after you left / My life in ruin Cut to the library. Xander sits on the steps to the stack level, staring off into space and tapping his fingers. Lyrics: When I don't get what I want Cut to Faith's room. She's lying on her bed, idly watching TV. Lyrics: The spoiled child inside breaks down She hears a knock at her door. She rolls off her bed and goes to answer it. It's Xander. Faith: (bored) What? Xander: (awkwardly) I just, uh, came by to see how you are, actually. Faith: (with hostility) I'm sick of people asking me that, for one thing. A long moment of silence ensues. Xander: Can I come in? Just to talk. I promise. Faith: (skeptical) Like you could make something happen if I didn't want it to? Xander: Hey, yeah. Got me there. Pretty much not gonna try to... take you under any circumstances. (holds out his arm) See, here, feel that. (points to his biceps) Probably like a wet noodle to you, huh? Faith: (steps aside) Five minutes. Xander: That's all I need. (comes in) For talking and conversation. (Faith closes the door) I'm, um, quick as a bunny. Faith: (turns off the TV) Clock is running. Xander: It's just, uh... I heard about what happened, and I thought you might need a friend. Faith: So then, go talk to Buffy. She's the one who killed a guy. Xander: Yeah. I heard that version. Faith: (not amused) Version? Xander: (sighs) Either way, i-it sounds like it was an accident, and that's the important part. Faith: (angrily) No, the important part is that Buffy is the (makes finger quotes) accidental murderer. Xander: Faith, you may not think so, but I sort of know you. And I've seen you post-battle. And I know firsthand that you're, um... like a wild thing. And half the time, you don't know what you're doing. Faith: (snidely) And you're living proof of that, aren't you? Xander: See, you're trying to hurt me. But right now, you need someone on your side. What happened wasn't your fault. And I'm willing to testify to that in court if you need me. Faith: You'd dig that, wouldn't you? (gives him a sexy look) To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy toy for a night. Xander: No. N-n-n-n-no, that's not it. Faith: *I* know what this is all about. (steps closer) You just came by here (runs her fingertips all around his face) 'cause you want another taste, don't you? Xander: No! I mean, it was nice. It was great. It was kind of a blur. But, okay, some day, sure, yay, but not now. Not like this. Faith: (grabs hold of his head) More like how then? Lights on or off? Kinks or vanilla? Xander: (jerks away) Faith, come on. I came here to help you. (looks her in the eyes) I thought we had a connection. Faith can't help but think that's funny and laughs at his gullibility. She grabs him by his shirt front, shoves him onto the bed and jumps on top of him. Faith: (excitedly) You wanna feel a connection? It's just skin. (opens his shirt) I see... I want... I take. (kisses him hard) I forget. She keeps moving above him and rubbing his chest and shoulders. Xander: (nervously) No. No, wait. It was more than that. Faith: I could do anything to you right now, and you want me to. I can make you scream. She licks her tongue over and around his face and returns to his lips, and kisses him forcefully, seizing his lower lip between her teeth and pulling at it. Faith: (breathlessly) I could make you die. She kisses him again and gets her hand around his neck. When she pulls away from his lips, he's choking. She kisses him once more, and then rises above him, never letting up on her chokehold. Xander reaches up with one hand to try to push her away and tries to pry her hand from his neck with his other hand, but doesn't have anywhere near the strength necessary to do so. Faith has both hands tight around his neck now, and squeezes hard. He begins to lose consciousness. A few moments more and he's passed out. Faith hears a noise behind her and looks over just in time to be knocked unconscious by Angel. Cut to Angel's mansion. Faith is chained to the fireplace mantle. She rubs her wrists. Faith: Finally decided to tie me up, huh? I always knew you weren't really a one-Slayer guy. Angel: (plays with a bat) I'm sorry about the chains. It's not that I don't trust you... Actually, it *is* that I don't trust you. (sets the bat aside) Faith: The thing with Xander; I know what it looked like, but we were just playing. Angel: (evenly) And he forgot the safety word. (gets up) Is that it? (walks over to her) Faith: Safety words are for wusses. Angel: (crouches before her) I bet you're not big on trust games, now, are you, Faith? Faith: You gonna shrink me now? Is that it? Angel: No, I just wanna talk to you. Faith: That's what they all say. And then it's just, 'Lemme stay the night. Won't try anything.' Angel: You wanna go the long way around, hey, I can do that. (stands up) I'm not getting any older. He turns his back on her and walks out into the atrium. Buffy waits there, and stands up when she sees him. Buffy: How's she doing? Angel: It's like talking to a wall. Only you get more from a wall. Buffy: But you'll keep trying, right? Angel: Sure. We're just getting started. Buffy: So, what do I do? Angel: Look, right now, there's nothing that you can do. Buffy: Well, this could take awhile, right? (goes to the stairs) So, I'll just go to Faith's and I'll get some of her stuff. That way she'll see that we're on her side. Angel: That's a good idea. Buffy: Okay. (glances at Faith) I'll be back. Angel: Look, I... I don't want you to get your hopes up, Buffy. She may not want us to help her. Buffy: She does. She just doesn't know how to say it. Angel: She killed a man. That changes everything for her. Buffy: (shakes her head) Giles said with counseling, they might not even need to lock her up. Angel: That's not what I mean. She's taken a life. Buffy: I know. Angel: She's got a taste for it now. Cut to the Mayor's office. He and Trick are reviewing a security camera tape. On it they see Buffy and Faith enter Allan's office. Mayor Wilkins: Not one Slayer, but two. Right here in the building. Trick: There was supposed to be a guard. Mayor Wilkins: Sh. Here comes my favorite part. (they see them hide in Allan's office) Where the Slayers see us in the hall together, thick as thieves. Oh, wait, we are thieves. And worse. And now they know it. Trick: Well, they're not gonna be much of a threat in jail. Mayor Wilkins: Well, we don't have near enough evidence to put 'em away. On the tape he and Trick walk out of the building. Mayor Wilkins: No, you're gonna have to come up with a more *efficient* solution. And Mr. Trick, you better think of it soon. They watch the tape where the two Slayers leave the office after they've gone. Cut to Angel's mansion. He paces past Faith. Angel: I know what's goin' on with you. Faith: Join the club. Everybody seems to have a theory. Angel: Hmm. (faces her) But I know what it's like to take a life. To feel a future, a world of possibilities, snuffed out by your own hand. I know the power in it. The exhilaration. It was like a drug for me. Faith: (looks up at him, sarcastically) Yeah? Sounds like you need some help. A professional maybe. Angel: Hmm. (goes to the coffee table) A professional couldn't have helped me. (sits on it) It stopped when I got my soul back. My human heart. Faith: Goody for you. If we're gonna party, let's get on with it. (holds out her wrists) Otherwise, could you let me out of these things? Angel: Faith, you have a choice. You've tasted something few ever do. (stands up, paces) I mean, to kill without remorse is to feel like a god. Faith: (struggles angrily) Right now, all I feel is a cramp in my wrist, (yanks at the chains impatiently) so let me go! Angel: (crouches) But you're not a god. You're not much more than a child. Going down this path will ruin you. You can't imagine the price for true evil. Faith: Yeah? (sneering) I hope evil takes MasterCard. Angel: (smiles) You and me, Faith, (straightens up) we're a lot alike. Time was, I thought humans existed just to hurt each other. (sits next to her) But then I came here. And I found out that there are other types of people. People who genuinely wanted to do right. (looks at her) And they make mistakes. And they fall down. You know, but they keep caring. Keep trying. If you can trust us, Faith, this can all change. You don't have to disappear into the darkness. Suddenly there is a loud pounding on the door. It is broken in, and Wesley strides straight toward them, holding a large cross and flanked by three others. Angel rushes to head them off, but has to step back from Wesley, who nervously holds the cross in his face. One of his cronies blindsides Angel with a right hook, and he falls to the floor. Another quickly throws a net over him, and the third starts to beat him with a crowbar while the others tie Angel up. Wesley goes over to Faith and removes the shackles from her wrists. While she rubs them and watches Angel get whaled on, Wesley pulls out a set of heavy cuffs and chains, and before she knows it her wrists are bound once again. Faith: (confused) What? Wesley: By the order of the Watcher's Council of Britain... (lifts her up) I am exercising my authority and removing you to England, (guides her out) where you will accept the judgment of the disciplinary committee. One of the men helps hold Faith, and they all leave the mansion, leaving Angel behind entangled in a mass of net and rope. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The streets of Sunnydale. A stepvan drives down a boulevard. Cut inside. Faith is chained to a bench on one side. Wesley and one of his men sit on the bench opposite her. Wesley: I'm sorry for the extreme measures. Unfortunately, this is a rather extreme circumstance. Faith: Whatever. Wesley: Please believe nobody is rushing to judgment. The first priority of both myself and the Council is to help you. Faith pulls at the ring holding her to the bench. Wesley: Ah, now, none of that. (to his crony) Tighten her restraints. Faith, there's no point in fighting this. Faith kicks the man in the knee, and he falls to the floor. She presses down on his face with her boot. Faith: Have to disagree with you on that one. Now unlock these or I'll pop this guy's head like a grape. Wesley hesitates, then spies a wrench on the floor. Faith sees it, too. Faith: Don't even think about it. She holds up her cuffed wrists for him to unlock. He gives in, stands up, pulls the keys from his pocket and steps over to set her free. Wesley: Faith, you can't keep running. She punches him hard in the jaw, and he falls onto the wrench. He grabs it and tries to swing at her with it, but she grabs his wrist. Faith: Wrong again, Wes. She grabs his jacket with her other hand and headbutts him hard. He falls down unconscious. She goes to the doors, kicks them open and jumps out onto the street. She rolls a few times before coming to a stop and watches the van drive away. She looks around to get her bearings and makes her getaway. Cut to Angel's mansion. Buffy arrives with some of Faith's things. Once inside she notices that Faith is gone, and then sees Angel still struggling to get out of the ropes. She rushes over to help him out. Cut to the library. Giles, Willow and Xander are all there with Buffy and Angel. Angel: It was the new Watcher. He had a couple of guys helping him. Willow: Then he figured it out? Giles: Which means that Faith will be soon on her way back to England to face the Watcher's Council. Buffy: And then what? Giles: Most likely they'll lock her away for a good long while. Buffy: So we head them off at the airport and stop them. Willow: Can I... I-I'm just wondering. Why? (gets a look from Buffy) I'm not the most objective, I know. I kind of have an issue with Faith sharing my people. (looks at Xander, who closes his eyes) But she murdered someone and accused Buffy. Then she hurt Xander. I hate to say it, but maybe she belongs behind bars. Giles thinks about that. Buffy: She's out of control, I know. But Angel was getting somewhere with her. She was opening up. If we could just stop Wesley. Wesley walks into the library. Wesley: That's no longer an issue. Giles: You let her get away? Wesley: 'Let' wouldn't be the way I'd phrase it, but... Yes, she escaped. Giles rolls his eyes and takes off his glasses. Angel: That's good work. (walks across the room) First, you terrorize her, then you put her back in the streets. (sits on the table) Wesley: That was hardly my plan. I was trying to save her. Buffy: (accusingly) But you didn't! You probably destroyed her. Giles: (interrupts quietly) Buffy, that's enough. (puts his glasses back on) Buffy: I better find her before she does any more damage. (stands up) We're gonna need to split up. I'll check the docks. That's probably where she is. Giles, why don't you go to her motel? Xander, Willow, her haunts and be careful. They all get up to leave. Angel: I'll try the airport. (goes) Everyone walks past Wesley on their way out. Wesley: What can I do? I want to help. Buffy: (resentfully) You still got your ticket back to the mother country? She follows the others out, leaving him standing there alone. Cut to the docks. The camera closes in on an old, rusty cargo ship and across to the dock. Buffy walks along it watching for Faith. She passes underneath the gangplank and stops when she hears Faith behind her. Faith: You don't give up, do you? She's on the ship at the top of the gangplank. Buffy: Not on my friends, no. Faith: Yeah, because you and me are such solid buds, right? (walks down the gangplank) Buffy: We could be. It's not too late. Faith: (disgusted) For me to change and be more like you, you mean? Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes? (stops halfway, leans on the railing) It ain't gonna happen, B. Buffy: Faith, nobody is asking you to be like me, but you can't go on like this. Faith: (grins evilly) Scares you, doesn't it? She climbs over the railing and hops down to the dock. Buffy: Yeah, it scares me. Faith, you're hurting people. You're hurting yourself. Faith: (approaches Buffy) But that's not it. That's not what bothers you so much. What bugs you is you know I'm right. You know in your gut we don't need the law. We *are* the law. Buffy: No. She turns her back and walks away. Faith follows right behind. Faith: Yes. You know exactly what I'm about 'cause you have it in you, too. Buffy: No, Faith, you're sick. Faith: I've seen it, B. You've got the lust. And I'm not just talking about screwing vampires. Buffy stops in her tracks. Buffy: Don't you *dare* bring him into this. Faith: (taunting her) It was good, wasn't it? The s*x? The danger? Bet a part of you even dug him when he went psycho. Buffy: No! (continues walking) Faith: (follows) See, you need me to toe the line because you're afraid you'll go over it, aren't you, B? You can't handle watching me living my own way, having a blast, because it tempts you! You know it could be you! Buffy has had enough. She stops, faces her and backhand punches her in the jaw. Faith comes up smiling wickedly. Faith: There's my girl. Buffy: (tries to get away) No. I'm not gonna do this. Faith: (doesn't let her go) Why not? It feels good. Blood rising. Buffy hears a noise above, looks up and notices a palette of crates above them, falling directly at Faith. She shoves her out of the way, but gets struck herself and goes down. She is dazed, but not out. Faith gets up and goes to help Buffy, when Mr. Trick and three other vampires suddenly attack. Faith spins around when she hears them roar, but is soundly punched in the face by Trick, forcing her body to snap to the side. He and another one grab her by her jacket and throw her to the ground. As Faith tries to get to her feet, the second vampire roundhouse kicks her in the face. She blocks it and drops a bit, but manages to get up and block an uppercut from the third one by grabbing his hand. She backhand punches him in the face, making him step back to keep his balance, and turns to face the second vampire. She high blocks a wide swing from him and punches him, making him fall, but the third one behind her flat hands her in the back and she stumbles. Buffy starts to come out of her daze. Buffy: (whispers) Oh, God... The third vampire holds Faith with her arms behind her back. She tries to get free by snapping her heel backwards and striking his kneecap. That has no effect, so she snaps her head back and butts him dead in the nose, but the vamp still doesn't let go of her. The second vampire launches into a half spinning hook kick intended for Faith, but she ducks it and the demon holding her takes the blow, lets go of her and goes down. Faith flies into full spinning, jumping out-to-in crescent kick, hitting the second vampire hard in the face and sending him spinning to the ground. The first vampire runs at her, but she sidesteps him and shoves him into the third, who was just getting up. He isn't knocked down, though, and comes at her. She grabs him and pulls him with her toward the water, and throws him off the dock. Buffy is out of her daze now, and with difficulty pulls her legs out from under the pallet of crates that fell on her. She gets to her feet, but is immediately punched by Mr. Trick. She falls spinning onto the crates and rolls off onto the concrete. She gets to her feet as Trick approaches and tries to backhand punch him, but he middle blocks it, so she punches him in the gut instead. Her jab is weak, though, and has no effect on him. Trick does a painful right hook to her face. Buffy stumbles backward. Trick advances and swings again, this time snapping her head back with a powerful uppercut, making her fall onto another pile of crates. Faith does a half-spinning hook kick, connecting with the second vampire's jaw. He falls onto an open barrel and struggles not to fall in. The first one comes at her again, but she has her stake out now and jams it home. He explodes into ashes. She looks over and sees Buffy struggling with Mr. Trick. He wraps a cord around her neck and begins to choke her. But Faith isn't finished with her fight yet. The second vampire throws off the barrel, only to become intimate with her stake and burst into ashes. Faith sees Trick yank at the cord around Buffy's neck and pull her off of the crates. He pulls her up and swings her around into a pallet leaning against still more crates. She hits it hard and falls to the pavement. Faith looks around, trying to decide what to do. She sees Trick pick Buffy up again and slam her against the huge crates. Buffy struggles to get loose, but the cord around her neck is too tight. Trick: I hear once you've tasted a Slayer, you never wanna go back. He opens his fang-filled mouth wide and moves in for the bite. Buffy struggles to keep him away, but can't. Suddenly Mr. Trick stops and looks up in wide-eyed shock. Trick: Oh, no. (shakes his head) No, this is no good at all. He begins to fall and explodes into ashes as Faith pulls her stake back. The two Slayers look at each other uncertainly for a long while. Faith lowers her stake. Buffy massages her neck. Cut to the library. Buffy sits at the table while Giles pours her some coffee from his thermos. Giles: So she saved you. (walks slowly around the table) Buffy: She could have left me there to die, Giles, but she didn't. Giles: She opted to come back to town with you. That... That bodes well. (sits) She still has a lot to face before she can put this behind her. Buffy: I'm not gonna give up on her. Giles: (pours himself a cup) Then I think she stands a chance. Cut to the Mayor's office. He pulls on his overcoat, getting ready to leave for the night. He looks down at his desk and adjusts the angle of the penholder, gives a satisfied nod, picks up his briefcase and heads for the door. When he opens it he is surprised to see Faith standing there, arms crossed. Faith: (accusingly) You sent your boy to kill me. Mayor Wilkins: (unfazed) That's right, I did. Faith: He's dust. Mayor Wilkins: I thought he might be. What with you standing here and all. Faith: (steps brazenly into the doorway) I guess that means you have a job opening. The Mayor steps back to let her enter and closes the door.
Plan: A: Faith; Q: Who tells Giles that Buffy killed the Deputy Mayor? A: Jack Plotnick; Q: Who was the Deputy Mayor? A: Wesley; Q: Who prevents Angel from apprehending Faith? A: town; Q: Faith plans to leave what on the next freighter? Summary: Faith tells Giles that Buffy is the one who slew the Deputy Mayor ( Jack Plotnick ). Angel apprehends Faith, but Wesley thwarts his intervention and allows Faith to escape. She plans to leave town on the next freighter.
At Banting (Paige stares at the clock during a test.) Professor James: And time! Next question. (Paige flips her page over as the girl next to her coughs and blows her nose.) Paige: Ew. Professor James: And time. Next question. Paige: What? Professor James: Sh sh sh sh. And time. Next question. Time. And time. (Everything blurs together and Paige starts panicking. She runs into the hall hyperventilating and starts to cry.) Paige: God I'm such an idiot. In Paige's dorm room (Paige is lying on her bed while people are partying in the dorm she and calls Alex on her cell.) Paige: (On the phone) Hi Alex's voicemail. Uh sorry I haven't called. I wanted to, but... Okay have you ever felt like the subway is running over your lungs? Like you're trying to breathe, but the entire train is just crushing your ribs? Okay um I'm rambling. I just, I really, really, really hope that you're still going to Marco and Dylan's this weekend. Bye. During Paige's class Professor James: That's it. Oh and I'll have your exam marks next week. Uh Paige Mik-ale-chuk, a word please. Paige: Um Professor James I was hoping we could talk, actually. Um I guess you thought I left the midterm. Well I mean I did, but not like- Professor James: When someone walks out on an exam, I like to know why. I sleep better. Paige: Well that's part of it. Sleeping. I haven't been. Professor James: Ah partying. Paige: No I swear...though the rest of my dorm has a lot. I just have so much work all the time. Professor James: Welcome to college. Paige: It's stressful and who knew there'd be so much math in marketing? Professor James: Paige you need to pass this course to stay in the program. Paige: Help me to. Please I am seconds from losing my scholarship. Professor James: I don't want to discourage you, but not everyone is cut out for Banting. Paige: Professor James, my mom was a Banting girl and I am a Banting girl. I just have to get better at doing Banting. Professor James: Take-home midterm. Paige: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know I can do better this time. Professor James: Along with your 20-page essay on international branding and the chapter summaries you're late on. Paige: Thank you Professor James. Don't worry. I won't let you down. Professor James: Makes no difference to me. Just don't let yourself down. 5PM Monday. Have a great weekend! At Degrassi, Peter is sitting outside the cafeteria when Darcy walks by Peter: Hey. Heard you needed to get into the caf kitchen. I'm waiting for my mom to drive me home, so I thought I might help out a friend. (He shows her some keys.) Darcy: Funny I don't see one. Peter: Ouch. Well I guess I could just go to media immersion and scroll through some of your hot pics...if you ever put them back up online. Darcy: Dream on. I don't have time for people who manipulate others for their own fun. Peter: And if he sins against you seven times a day and returns to you seven times saying I repent, forgive him. Darcy: You showed my private photos to some 40-year old pervert. You can't make it up with a bible quote. Peter: I repent, I repent, I repent, I repent, I repent, I repent, I repent. What do you say now? Darcy: I say Matthew 10:42. Look it up and be here tomorrow morning at 7. Peter: On a Saturday? Busses don't even run that early. Darcy: Whatever. It's up to you. At Marco and Dylan's (Alex opens the door for Paige who kisses Dylan on the cheek.) Paige: I cannot believe mom and dad are renovating this weekend. Alex: And hello to you too. Dylan: Mom and dad are renovating every weekend. Marco: Hey! I've missed you. Here. Homemade genetus(?), brain food. Paige: Mm I am starving. (She takes a bite and makes bad face.) Paige: Are you sure that Ellie didn't make these? Marco: Ellie took her laundry home for the weekend. Oh and jokes, Kiko and Suki are off discovering our country's natural wonders. Niagara falls. Paige: So you are making the Michalchuk family dinner? Marco: Hey I'm under enough pressure as it is with my parents coming too, okay? Alex: You guys are having a double date with your folks? Dylan: Date? Gosh no. Marco and I are just roommates, right darling? Marco: Exactly darling. Come on let's get you some non-homemade snacks. (Alex holds up a sign that says 'Welcome Back Turkey'.) Alex: You like? I made it myself. Paige: Feeling hostile, are we? Alex: It's not hostility. It's affection. The message you left sounded like the fabulous Banting girl needed a little bit of a cheer up. Paige: Yeah because the fabulous Banting girl has twelve tons of work to do. Alex: Well now I'm here and we have some serious catching up to do. Paige: Great. In the living room Marco: Okay I'm baked. Good night ladies. Paige: Good night. I got to be up at cockle-doodle dawn to hit the books. Alex: Right. I should go. Paige: No wait. Have a sleepover right here. Just friends. Alex: Yeah I know doofus. I have a girlfriend. Paige: You are so lying. Alex: You might have one friend at Banting next year. Paige: Who? (Alex smiles.) Paige: You? Seriously? Alex: Despite your doubts, I am kicking butt at school. Marks, not people! Paige: Well that is fantastic hon. I am very glad that you proved me wrong. Alex: Whatever. Let's get our degrees and then road trip. Imagine a couple Banting babes gone wild. (Paige lays down on Alex's lap.) Paige: Thanks Alex. You're so comfy. Alex: Good night. At Degrassi (Peter shows up with flowers for Darcy.) Darcy: Hi! Peter: Hey I brought these for you. Darcy: Great idea. The homeless deserve beauty with their meals too, right? Peter: Homeless what? Darcy: Our church group's throwing a special dinner for them. For tomorrow. Peter: And I'm here this early because? Darcy: Did you read Matthew 10? Peter: Uh yeah. Something about a guy needs water, gives it to a disciple or something. Darcy: I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward. AKA that forgiveness you want? A reward. Peter: Right. So uh why are you here? Darcy: We all need forgiveness for something and you can start by peeling apples. Oh and uh Peter- (She puts a hairnet on him as he grabs a peeler.) At Marco and Dylan's (Paige wakes up and looks at all of her work.) Marco: I'm pretty sure that you screamed 'I love turkey' or something in the middle of your sleep last night. Dylan: I was having a nightmare, okay? It was a nine foot turkey. Marco: Oh good morning. Alex: Good morning. (They keep talking as Paige is playing solitaire on her laptop.) Paige: Hey do you think you guys could be a little louder for me? Marco: Um how about you chill? Dylan: Paige... Marco: Like don't you use like flour to make gravy? Dylan: Well you do, yeah. Marco: Okay well then. Dylan: You use flour. You use like chicken broth, which is the juice from the chicken drippings and stuff. Marco: Yeah I know, but make sure you get salt. Dylan: Yeah okay. Marco: It's like the star of it. Dylan: Okay it's starred. Now it's on the list. Paige: You guys, be ridiculous. Please take this. (She shows them a recipe online.) At Dylan and Marco's, Mrs. Michalchuk is bringing dishes over Mrs. Michalchuk: This was Gran's so careful. Don't put it in the micro. Here's the walnut recipe for Dylan. Remind him just a touch of sage. Paige: Oh mom can you come in for a sec? Mrs. Michalchuk: I'd love to, but the contractors... Paige: But your daughter wants to tell you something. Mrs. Michalchuk: Can it wait? Sorry. What is it sweetheart? Paige: Never mind. Compared to renovation hell, it's nothing. Mrs. Michalchuk: Unlike the contractors, you've never let me down. (She kisses Paige and leaves.) Alex: Does she breathe like the rest of us or does she produce her own air internally like a blowfish? (Paige starts hyperventilating and Alex laughs.) Alex: Exactly! (Paige then runs into the bathroom. Alex follows her and stands outside the bathroom.) Alex: Paige you alright? Don't make me be nice. Okay you made me. Paige Michalchuk you are the prettiest, smartest, bestest- Paige: Why are you putting more pressure on me, Alex? Why?! Alex: Pressure? What are you talking about? Paige: Forget it, okay? Leave me alone. Go. Alex: Forget what? What's wrong? Paige: You don't get it Alex and you never will, so just, just go back to your stupid, pathetic little straight-A high school life with your pathetic imaginary girlfriend, okay? Go away! (Alex tears up and leaves while Paige is crying in the washroom.) At Marco and Dylan's Marco: Dylan just move, okay? I'm much better at fridge tetris. Dylan: Just leave the turkey out. Marco: No my arm's freezing. Just get out of here. Paige: Salmonella is so not festive. Dylan: Everything okay? Alex bolted like she was on fire. Paige: Yeah that's Alex being Alex. You can't just leave poultry sitting out. Marco: See I told you Dylan. Dylan: Excuse me, but I'm the one- Marco: No seriously. You try to help- Paige: You know what? I'll cook. Take some parent pressure off you. Marco: Don't you have an essay to cook up? Paige: Yeah I can handle my own course load, thanks. Both of you out. Dylan: Fine I'm done. Marco: Fine. There. (Marco hands her the turkey and leaves.) At dinnertime Dylan: Try to relax. Everything will be fine. Marco: When I'm nervous, I fidget. (There's a knock at the door.) Marco: Is it too late to cancel? (They open the door.) Marco: Hey mom, dad. Here come in. Hi. Mr. Del Rossi: Hey! Place looks great Marco. Marco: Yeah. Yeah it's good. Mrs. Del Rossi: For your house. (She hands Dylan some flowers when there's another knock at the door.) Dylan: Oh thank you Mrs. Del Rossi. Thank you. Oh I'll get that. Here. I'll get that. (He opens the door.) Dylan: Mom hey! Mr. Michalchuk: Hi sport-o. Dylan: Hey dad! How you doing? Mr. Michalchuk: Still no haircut. Dylan: Still no hair. (Everyone sits down for dinner.) Paige: Butternut squash soup with frizzled leeks and crème fresh. Mrs. Del Rossi: So gourmet. Mrs. Michalchuk: She's such a talent. She won the Brownie's best brownie award when she was six. Mrs. Del Rossi: I always wish I'd had a daughter. Dylan: I'm glad you didn't. (Marco hits Dylan under the table.) Marco: This looks delicious. (Alex walks in with her new girlfriend.) Alex: Are we late? We brought buns. Paige: I made buns. Mrs. Michalchuk: Don't be rude. Hello Alex. Dylan? Dylan: Oh yeah I've got some extra chairs in our room, my room! Paige: What are you doing here? Alex: Well you invited me and I wanted to make sure you were okay after your little breakdown. Mrs. Michalchuk: Breakdown? Paige: Alex is a pathological liar. Carla: Alex maybe we should just... Mr. Del Rossi: Hey no arguing over dinner. Sit. Who's your friend? Alex: This is Carla, my imaginary girlfriend. (Marco's dad spits up his water.) Carla: Hello. [SCENE_BREAK] At the Degrassi cafeteria (A homeless man is speaking in Greek and Peter can't understand him.) Peter: I don't understand. (He keeps speaking.) Peter: Slow down. Darcy: Is there a problem? Peter: My Greek's a little rough. I think he wants an extra piece of pie. Is that alright? Darcy: You speak Greek? Peter: Yeah I learned some from my Papi, grandpa. He used to eat a lot of dessert too. Darcy: Tell him you peeled the apples yourself. Peter: Yeah I'll try. Uh oro mura... peeled them myself. During dinner Mrs. Michalchuk: The pomegranate dressing, just exquisite. Paige you could have got a scholarship for chef school too. Paige: Mom. Mr. Michalchuk: Oh and Dylan has had offers recently to play pro hockey in Switzerland. Dylan: Once my Visa comes through. Marco: Yeah don't remind me. Alex: Did you know Carla's an honours grad student and she's captain of the Toronto U distance running team. Paige: I'll clear the salad plates. Mrs. Michalchuk: Banting wanted Paige for their Power Squad. They called it cheerleading when I was captain, but she chose to focus on academics. Paige: Mom, please. Mrs. Michalchuk: Once Paige gets her honours degree, the Banting MBA program. Paige: Mom. Mrs. Michalchuk: Sweetie, tell everyone how Banting has the most prestigious program. Paige: Why don't we talk about something else? Mrs. Michalchuk: Fine. Oh don't you have some sort of announcement? Paige: Yes. The turkey's ready. Mrs. Michalchuk: She's so modest. (Paige goes to the kitchen and tries to compose herself.) At Degrassi Peter: Darcy you want a ride home? Darcy: Sure, but I thought since the whole street racing thing you can't... Peter: No I can drive. Darcy: They gave you your licence back? Peter: Yeah. I didn't hit the guy. I'm in the clear, but it'll cost you. Darcy: Will half a pie do it? Peter: Hey I take after my Papi. At the dinner, Paige brings out the turkey Paige: Here it is! Complete with traditional Michalchuk family walnut stuffing. Mr. Del Rossi: Looks delicious. Mrs. Michalchuk: Paige let's hear your news. Paige: Really it's more of a dessert and coffee kind of thing. Mrs. Michalchuk: Deans list? A bursary? New boyfriend hmm? Paige: Who wants white and who wants dark? Mr. Del Rossi: I'll take white. (Paige cuts the turkey and the stuffing explodes all over her.) Dylan: I told you not to overstuff the bird. (Paige runs upstairs while Alex laughs.) Dylan: Traditional Michalchuk walnut stuffing. Alex: We still have Brussels sprouts. Yummy. Dylan: And carrots! (Paige is upstairs freaking out and Marco goes to make sure she's okay.) Marco: Hey! Everybody is so worried about you. Except my pops who's still you know, eating, but take that as a compliment. Paige: I blew up a 20 pound turkey. Marco: Yeah. Come on Paige, that's not all that's bothering you. What is it? What could possibly have my smart, beautiful, talented friend so down? Paige: Don't call me that. I am an idiot. I've fooled all of you. Marco: You are too stressed. Is it school? All that work you brought home? (Paige nods.) Marco: Paige you're not the only one. I'll let you in on a little secret. Last week I got a C- on my psych paper. Paige: I should drive back tonight. Marco: What? Tonight? It's three hours away. Paige: It's fine Marco. Um I'll tell my parents and then go. Marco: Are you sure? Hey you call me if you need to talk, alright? Paige: Yeah. (She starts packing and Marco goes downstairs.) Outside, Peter is driving Darcy home Peter: Yeah 250k an hour, 4 mods. Darcy: You have never gone that fast. (Peter starts revving his engine and two police officers pull up on bikes.) Darcy: Peter, there are not enough airbags in this world! (They knock on the window.) Police officer: License and registration. Darcy: What'd we do? Peter: Just relax. They hassle you if you go faster than them. Darcy: But they're on bikes. Peter: Yeah especially the ones on bikes. Police officer: (On the radio system) We got a Peter Stone here. N31 Connaught Avenue please. Police officer: Out of the car please. Darcy: Why? We've stopped. Police officer: Well your friend Peter here's been driving with a suspended licence. Darcy: It's true? (Peter nods and Darcy smashes the pie in Peter's face.) Darcy: I cannot believe I actually started to like you. You'll never change. In Paige's dorm room (Paige is spinning around in her chair and then knocks all her books into the trashcan, along with a candle that starts burning everything.) Scenes for next week Voiceover: Paige survives the fire. (Her fire is being put out.) Paige: I have got to do a 20-page essay. I am a flunking out failure. Voiceover: But she still gets burned. Professor James: I have seen this essay four times in the last two years. Paige: You're giving me a zero? Voiceover: In more ways than one. Paige: What am I going to do? Alex: What do you want to do? (Paige kisses Alex.)
Plan: A: Banting; Q: Where is Paige stressed? A: her professor; Q: Who gives Paige a second chance at an exam? A: another chance; Q: What does her professor give Paige after she has a panic attack during an exam? A: her schoolwork; Q: What does Paige have to catch up on after her panic attack? A: a huge family dinner; Q: What does Paige have to prepare for her family? A: Peter; Q: Who wants forgiveness from Darcy? Summary: Stressed at Banting, Paige has a panic attack during an exam. When her professor gives her another chance, she has to juggle catching up on her schoolwork and preparing a huge family dinner. Meanwhile, Peter wants forgiveness from Darcy but finds out he has his work cut out for him.
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. TENNIS COURTS -- NIGHT] (A girl practices hitting balls being thrown by a machine.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. TENNIS COURTS -- NIGHT] (The girl grunts as she hits the ball.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. TENNIS COURTS -- NIGHT] (The girl runs around the courts as she practices. As she continues hitting balls, we hear a voiceover: Sofia Curtis: (V.O.) Stacy Vollmer was last seen practicing alone on the school tennis court that Friday at around 9:00 P.M. [INT. LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT] (Stacy Vollmer opens her locker. She takes out some clothes and puts them down on the bench behind her.) Sofia Curtis: (V.O.) The clothes she was wearing were found in her locker. (She puts some clothes back in the locker.) (She takes off the shirt she's wearing.) (In the foreground, a shadowy figure walks across the camera frame.) (Stacy removes her bra.) FLASH TO: [EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY] [CU: STACY'S FACE] (The body is wrapped in plastic and buried, her face and head exposed. Camera pulls back.) Sofia Curtis: (V.O.) Her body was discovered near the football field by the landscaping crew the following Monday morning. (Forensics removes dirt as she's being dug up and he puts it in a plastic container. Officers look around the area. Her body is buried in an area shaped like the letter 'T'.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COURTROOM - DAY] (Sofia Curtis is on the witness stand and being questioned by ADA Jeffrey Sinclair.) ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Can you tell us the exact location of the body? Sofia Curtis: She was dumped in a flower bed, wrapped in a shower curtain. INSERT: FLASHBACK TO: [EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY] (Nick arrives. He walks past Sofia, who is talking with someone at the scene.) Sofia Curtis: (V.O.) CSI arrived an hour later, excavated the body and began processing the scene. (Nick looks around at the small crowd of students gathered just outside the fence. He turns and looks back at the body being dug up.) ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) Dr. Robbins, will you explain how Stacy died? Robbins: (PRE-LAP) (V.O.) Beneath this laceration, ... END OF FLASHBACK: RESUME TO COURTROOM: (Dr. Robbins is on the stand. Next to him, is a monitor with photos. As he speaks, the appropriate morgue photo is viewed.) Robbins: ... I found a complex fracture of the occipital bone. Multiple shards of bone were driven into the occipital lobe of the brain, resulting in massive bleeding. The cause of death was cerebral hemorrhage, consistent with a single, sharp blow to her head. INSERT: CGI POV: (The female body falls back, her head hits the ground. We see the image of her skull and the impact as the skull is shattered.) (Camera zooms in for a close-up to show the image of her skull being cracked at the impact.) END OF CGI POV: RESUME TO COURTROOM: SHORT TIME CUT TO: (Nick is now on the witness stand giving his testimony.) Nick: A search of the defendant's house yielded a laundry hamper containing the clothes he wore the night of the murder. (The photo of the clothes in the hamper is shown on the monitor.) ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Did you find any blood or DNA on the clothes? Nick: No. We determined they had been bleached. ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Isn't bleach used to destroy blood and DNA evidence? Carol Allred (defense): Objection: Argumentative. ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Withdrawn. What else did you find in the house? Nick: Human hairs consistent with the victim - (Nick turns to look at the monitor where a photo of hairs stuck in a drain are shown.) -- were discovered in the drain of the bathroom sink. DNA was extracted and was also matched to the victim. ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: And based on this evidence, police arrested Marlon West. (Nick looks at the defendant.) Nick: That's correct. ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Thank you, Mr. Stokes. No further questions. (There's a dramatic pause.) ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: The state now calls Hannah West. (Carol Allred stands up.) Carol Allred (defense): Your honor, defense reiterates our objection. She's a 12-year-old girl. Judge Crawford: We've been through this already, counsel. (to the jury) The defendant's sister is being called as a hostile witness. That means the district attorney is permitted to ask leading questions. (to Sinclair) Be nice. (Hannah West gets up and takes the witness stand.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: (ADA Jeffrey Sinclair questions Hannah West.) ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Now, Hannah, isn't it a fact that on the night of Friday, December 2, 2005, your parents left you and your brother, the defendant, home alone? Hannah West: They went away for a ... ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Yes or no, please. Hannah West: Yes. ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: And isn't it also a fact that you and your brother were not together between the hours of 6:00 and 10:00 P.M.? Hannah West: Well, Marlon -- he didn't really... ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Yes or no? Hannah West: Yes. ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Thank you, Hannah. Hannah West: I'd like to say something ... ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: No further questions, your honor. Judge Crawford: Cross-examination? (Carol gets up.) Carol Allred: Absolutely, your honor. Uh, Hannah, wh-what were you trying to say? ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Objection: Calls for a narrative. Judge Crawford: Overruled. Carol Allred: You go ahead, Hannah. You say what you need to say. Hannah West: Marlon didn't kill Stacy. I did. (The jury and observers react.) Judge Crawford: Ladies and gentlemen. Order in the court. (She stands up.) Hannah West: And I was wearing this when I did it. (She unzips her jacket to show her blood-stained blouse underneath.) (The jury gasps.) Judge Crawford: Order in the court. Please - (Jeffrey Sinclair turns around and looks at Nick.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Conrad Ecklie joins Nick, who is picking up his messages. They turn and head down the hallway.) Conrad Ecklie: Good news is Judge Crawford denied the defense's motion to dismiss. Nick: Of course he did. She's just a mixed-up kid trying to protect her older brother. All the evidence points to Marlon. Conrad Ecklie: Yeah, and all the jury's going to remember is a little girl in a bloody shirt confessing to murder. That's reasonable doubt on a silver platter. Nick: All right, then we have to prove that Hannah could not have done this. Conrad Ecklie: Exactly. Nick: We'll need a week to reexamine the evidence. Conrad Ecklie: Judge gave the DA a 72-hour continuance. Nick: Come on ... Conrad Ecklie: Best he could do, Nick. Now you go do your best. (Nick chuckles wryly as Ecklie leaves. He shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Hannah removes her jacket She takes off her bloodied shirt and gives it to the officer in the room.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: (Hannah puts on the too large orange uniform.) (The officer takes Hannah's fingerprints.) Marlon West: (PRE-LAP) (V.O.) Everybody thought Stacy was so ... [SCENE_BREAK] [VIDEO FOOTAGE - TIME STAMP: 7:51 PM] (Marlon West talks with Sofia Curtis.) Marlon West: ... special. She thought so, too. She wasn't. Stacy was a stuck-up bitch and a miserable person. I just put her out of her misery. (He sighs and leans back in his seat.) Marlon West: I killed her and I put her in the ground. That's all I've got to say. (Nick uses the remote and puts the video player on pause.) [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] LEGEND: 68 HOURS TO TRIAL (Nick and the rest of the team are around the layout table as he goes over the case with everyone. The crime scene photos are spread out on the table.) Nick: The judge suppressed the video because the child advocate was never brought in, even though Marlon had waived his rights. We really didn't need a confession out of him. The case against this kid was solid. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. LOCKER ROOM - SHOWERS - NIGHT] (Stacy Vollmer, a towel wrapped around her, passes by a string of OUT OF ORDER signs blocking the various shower stalls. Nick: (V.O.) It started out as a prank: A sabotaged showerhead. (She puts her towel aside and steps into the shower. She turns the shower on. The showerhead explodes.) (Stacy screams.) END OF FLASHBACK RESUME TO PRESENT: (Nick holds a photo of the exploded showerhead.He hands the photo to Catherine to look at.) Nick: pH tests later revealed the presence of a strong base substance, which was later identified as sodium hydroxide. Sara: Sounds like Marlon packed the showerhead with elemental sodium. Nick: A high school chemistry favorite, yeah. Just add water, and instant kaboom. Warrick: Those out-of-order signs must've been part of his game. You funnel the victim to the right showerhead. Did you process these? Nick: Yeah, I matched the spindle marks on the paper to a laser printer in the high school library. Sara: Accessible to any student. Nick: (nods) Mm-hmm. Catherine: (reads) "Multiple fragments of metal penetrating skin and dermis as deep as the superficial musculature of the back and neck." The showerhead explosion didn't kill her. Nick: No, no, it did not. (She points to a photo of a shower rod with empty rings on it.) Catherine: What happened to the shower curtain? Nick: Well, the vic was injured, disoriented. She grabbed the first thing she could to cover up and ran. INSERT: FLASHBACK [CU: SHOWER CURTAIN] (Stacy screams and pulls the shower curtain off the rod.) (She runs out of the locker room and down through the hallway.) Nick: The intermittent blood trail started in the locker room and headed down a hall. (She leaves drops of blood behind her.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME PRESENT Warrick: So Marlon followed her out just to hear her squeal? Nick: Or chased her out, yeah. There's no way to know. Either way, she ended up at the bottom of the stairs. The size of the blood pool indicates that the fatal wound occurred there. (He points to the photo of the blood pool.) Sara: Do you have any physical evidence that would conclusively rule Hannah out as a suspect? Nick: Well, yeah -- she's four-foot-three and 65 pounds. The crime just required more strength than she's got. Catherine: How old is she? Nick: Twelve. Warrick: In high school? Nick: She's a high school senior. She skipped six grades. She's a prodigy. Sara: Which means she has the brains for murder. Nick: Yeah, but not the brawn. The body was moved from the high school building across a football field and then hastily buried. The vic's car was then driven two miles from campus and parked in front of the house of a kid named Scott Baird, Stacy's boyfriend -- I think possibly to frame him. Warrick: Was he ever a suspect? Nick: No. He plays varsity hoops. He was out of town on an away game. (He picks up a photo of a blue car.) Nick: I found blades of grass with blood on them near the vic's car -- nondescript tracks headed towards the next-door neighbor's house. Catherine: Marlon West. Nick: Yeah. This kid's been in trouble before. Multiple fights, threats. It just got out of hand this time. Marlon West killed Stacy Vollmer. His little sister's just trying to exonerate him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRACE LAB -- DAY] (Hodges has the bloodied shirt on a tray. He puts the tray in front of him and takes a sample of the dirt on the shirt and processes it.) (He takes a sample of known dirt and processes it as well.) (He takes off his gloves.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: (He compares the two results.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Nick turns the corner and hurries through the hallway when Hodges steps out of the lab and catches him.) Hodges: Hey, Nick. (Nick stops.) Nick: Hodges, did you get the soil analysis back on Hannah's shirt? Hodges: Matches the site of the body dump. Nick: Really! Hodges: So does this make Doogie Howser-ette your killer? Nick: Uh, I kind of doubt it. Hodges: Don't be so sure. It's not easy. Nick: What isn't easy, Hodges? Hodges: (patronizingly) Being profoundly gifted, knowing that everybody knows that you're always ten steps ahead of them. It's a lot of pressure. (Nick takes a breath; Hodges is just so full of it. Nick turns and leaves.) Hodges: Some days you feel like you're just going to snap. Nick: (mutters) I know the feeling. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] LEGEND: 61 HOURS TO TRIAL (Sara talks with Sofia Curtis.) Sara: In his confession, Marlon basically said that Stacy deserved to die. Sofia Curtis: He was alone in that opinion. Everybody liked Stacy -- parents and students. 4.0 GPA, varsity tennis team, homecoming queen. She even took a public virginity pledge with some of her classmates. Did they have those in your high school? Sara: No. Do you believe that Marlon killed her? Sofia Curtis: I was looking right into his eyes when he told me he did it. There's no doubt in my mind. (They walk out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (OPEN of a pair of child's feet dangling off the floor.) (Sara and Sofia talk with Hannah West. The child advocate sits next to her.) Sofia Curtis: Two confessions, one crime. We don't get that a lot. When did you last speak with Marlon? Hannah West: The day the police came to my house and arrested him. Sara: You don't visit him? Hannah West: My parents won't let me see him in jail. Bad environment. Marlon didn't put me up to this. He was trying to protect me. It would've been wrong to let him be punished for something I did. (She looks at Sara and Sofia, who both look as if they don't believe her.) Hannah West: You don't think I could have done it. Neither one of you. Sara: That's a big job for a little girl. Hannah West: Not if you have the right tools. Sara: Smart kid like you ... knows your brother's suffering. You feel bad, you want to help, so you fabricate some evidence. Hannah West: If you thought that the evidence was fake, I wouldn't still be in jail. (Sofia and Sara glance at each other.) Hannah West: Aren't you going to ask me why I did it? Sara: Would you like to tell us? Hannah West: I throw off the curve. When I'm in a class, people who usually get A's, suddenly get C's. Stacy was applying to Harvard. She wanted me to dumb myself down. I said no. She didn't like that. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY] (The locker room is full of girls blow-drying their hair. Hannah tries to get to the sink.) Stacy Vollmer: Uh ... babies use the wall dryer. (Hannah goes to the wall dryer and turns it on, the air is too strong and it blows in her face. The other girls laugh at her.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME PRESENT Sofia Curtis: So you killed her because she messed up your hair? Hannah West: No. I'm used to pranks like that. I get them most every day. But Stacy ... didn't stop there. She had to take it to another level. And she used Scott to do it. Sofia Curtis: Scott Baird, Stacy's boyfriend. Hannah West: I was his tutor. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. ROOM - DAY] (Hannah is studying with Scott.) Scott Baird: You know, I was really pissed off at Stacy when I heard about the whole ... hair dryer thing, but her ... her friends had put her up to it. Stacy wanted me to give you something. (He gives her a box and opens it. Inside is a dress.) Scott Baird: It's a peace offering. I think you'll look great in it at the spring formal. Oh, you are so going. END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME PRESENT (Sara smiles at Hannah.) Sara: You like him. Hannah West: He's on the basketball team. I'm twelve; I'm not allowed to like him, but ... I went anyway. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT] (Hannah arrives and looks for Scott, who is dancing with Stacy. He waves to her.) Scott Baird: Over here. (She steps under the black light to reveal writing on the front of her dress: FLAT. Arrows point to her chest. Additional writing is on the bottom, "RAINBOW PARTY QUEEN.") (Scott closes his eyes and turns away, feeling sorry for her.) (Stacy and the other girls laugh at her, taking pictures of her.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME PRESENT Hannah West: The pictures were up on my space that night. I got a ton of e-mails. Sara: You put sodium in the showerhead to get back at her? Hannah West: (nods) A prank for a prank. I thought that there'd be a few sparks, that she'd freak out and that'd be it, but the nozzle exploded. Stacy ran ... and fell down the stairs ... and died. (Sara watches her carefully.) Hannah West: I tried to cover it up. Sara: You miscalculated. (Hannah lifts up her head.) Hannah West: I guess I did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Catherine is in the lab looking at the test results. Warrick walks up to her.) Warrick: You rang? Catherine: Got the DNA results on the blood from Hannah's sweater. Warrick: Stacy. Catherine: Hannah. Warrick: So she fabricated evidence, and put her own blood on the shirt. Catherine: Maybe, maybe not. The soil on the shirt was consistent with the dumpsite. Hannah could've been at the scene. INSERT: FLASHBACK [EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT] (Hannah buries the body and cuts herself.) Catherine: (V.O.) She could have cut herself burying the body. (She wipes the dirt and blood on her shirt.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME PRESENT Warrick: Or she could have gone back to the field at any time within the last four months and rubbed her shirt in the same kind of dirt. Catherine: And counted on us to make the match? Well, that's just plain scary smart. I mean, my daughter's a few years older than her, and the most important thing on her mind right now is how much belly button to show off at the mall. (Warrick chuckles.) Catherine: Never thought I'd be grateful for that. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. WEST RESIDENCE -- DAY] LEGEND: 44 HOURS TO TRIAL (The CSI SUV pulls up to the curb and parks out front of the house.) [INT. WEST RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (Photos and trophies grace the countertop. Sofia Curtis interviews Sally and Jim West.) Sally West: You have to understand. My child's not capable of murder. Sofia Curtis: I assume you mean Hannah. Sally West: Of course. Sofia Curtis: Well, Marlon's your child, too. Jim West: Marlon's from my wife's first marriage. Sally West: He's more like his father. (Off screen, we hear the door open. Nick and Sara enter the house. They turn and head for the bedrooms.) [INT. WEST RESIDENCE - MARLON'S BEDROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Nick: This is Marlon's room. Sara: No kidding. Nick: It's pretty much the way I left it. The bleached clothes were in the hamper. (He points to the hamper on the side.) Nick: But the real action ... was in here. (He pushes the bathroom door open.) [INT. WEST RESIDENCE - MARLON'S BATHROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Sara and Nick enter the bathroom. Sara notes the second door to Hannah's bedroom.) Sara: Shared bathroom. Very Brady. Nick: Pulled Stacy's hairs out of the sink trap the first through. And I found some burn marks around the bathtub drain. pH tested positive for sodium hydroxide, so ... I figured Marlon probably did a test run. (Nick looks over at the stool with Hannah's name on it.) [INT. WEST RESIDENCE - HANNAH'S BEDROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Sara enters Hannah's bedroom. There's a poster of Albert Einstein on the wall, a neat desk with laptop on it and a printer nearby.) (In the corner of the room, there's a music stand with an open music book and a chair with a violin on it.) (Sara looks at the binders on the shelf for AP COMPUTER SCIENCE, AP US HISTORY, AP GOVERNMENT COMPARISON, AP CALCULUS B, and AP FRENCH.) (Sara puts on some gloves. Nick enters the room.) Nick: The scope of the warrant only covered Marlon's room and other common areas of the house. I popped my head in here. Nothing in plain sight at the time. (Sara notes the box of blue latex gloves. She finds a folded posterboard next to the dresser. She opens it. It's for a science fair project on the QUALITATIVE COMPARISON OF SODIUM AND LEAD-COOLED FAST REACTORS REGARDING EFFICIENCY, ECONOMY, AND SAFETY.) Sara: Was this here before? Nick: It wasn't in plain sight. I didn't check it. (Sara notes the blue ribbon on the posterboard.) Sara: Looks like Hannah won the science fair with a project about sodium. (Nick looks around the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WEST RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Sofia Curtis continues to interview Sally and Jim West.) Sally West: Hannah's just trying to help Marlon. Sofia Curtis: So they're close? Jim West: No, not really. Sometimes I think if they didn't share a bathroom, they wouldn't see each other at all. Sofia Curtis: What do you mean? Sally West: They're on different academic tracks. Never take any of the same classes, and travel in completely different social circles. Sofia Curtis: From what we understand, Hannah doesn't really have a social circle. Sally West: (shrugs) The other students bore her. Hannah spends most of her time with her teachers. Sofia Curtis: And Marlon? (Sally shrugs.) Jim West: I guess ... I guess he spends most of his time alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WEST RESIDENCE - HANNAH'S BEDROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Nick snaps photos of a paperback book: CARRIE, by Stephen King. He picks up the book. Right under it is a hard cover, West's FEDERAL PRACTICE DIGEST 4th. Nick looks at paperback.) (Sara looks at Hannah's closet with an ALS.) (She finds the pink dress with the writing on it. She holds it up and reads it.) Sara: "Rainbow party"?! Nick: Yeah, it's a party game where boys get the girls to wear different colored lipsticks while they have oral s*x. Boy with the most colors wins. Supposed to be trendy. Sara: So much for "Spin the Bottle." Nick: Carrie. "Weird high school girl gets humiliated at the prom, only to exact her revenge." Hannah wanted us to find this. Sara: Maybe. Question is: did she read the book before ... or after the murder? [INT. WEST RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Sofia continues her conversation with Hannah's parents.) Jim West: We had Hannah's IQ tested when she was eight. It's 177. Sofia Curtis: She really is one in a million. Jim West: Hannah's special. Sally West: She's an indigo child. Sofia Curtis: Indigo child? Sally West: A new breed. Hannah doesn't just see the world, she sees through it, through people, with an intuition none of us can comprehend. She's compelled to help others, whether they're worth helping or not. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - EVENING] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] LEGEND: 32 HOURS TO TRIAL (Nick hangs up the shower curtain and looks at the large bloodstain on it. He turns around and looks at the print card for: WEST, HANNAH SSN: 715-237-5412 (He picks up the print card with the unknown prints from the shower curtain. He turns and looks at the shower curtain.) (Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Ah, the shower curtain the vic was wrapped in. Nick: Yeah, I had Mandy run the unknowns from the original case against Hannah's prints. She got a match. Catherine: Okay. But Hannah uses those showers after gym class. Nick: This curtain was used in the handicapped shower. Why would she do that? Catherine: Probably hiding her body. She's twelve. She hasn't reached puberty. Undeveloped teen girls are very self-conscious. Nick: Mm-hmm. Four ... fingers, closely spaced. Grabbing, maybe. Catherine: Could be from Hannah dragging Stacy's body. INSERT: FLASHBACK [EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT] (Hannah grabs the shower curtain and pulls Stacy's body across the field.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME PRESENT Nick: Hannah weighed 65 pounds. Stacy about a hundred. Dead weight. Catherine: Plastic slides on grass. It makes it easier. It's certainly possible. Nick: DA's not going to like the sound of that. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HIGH SCHOOL (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM -- DAY] (Sara talks with Mr. Estrin, the science teacher.) Mr. Estrin: Sodium demonstration is always a real crowd pleaser. (Sara chuckles.) Mr. Estrin: It's ended up in a senior prank more than once. I keep it over here, under lock and key, but, unfortunately, the lab's always getting broken into. (Sara leans forward and notes the broken lock and cracked glass.) Mr. Estrin: It's certainly possible Marlon got the sodium from here. INSERT: FLASHBACK (During a science experiment, Marlon stands in front.) Mr. Estrin: Everyone have their goggles on? (SLOW MOTION. He drops the sodium into the water.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME PRESENT Mr. Estrin: Which is precisely what I told the cops four months ago. (Sara notes the box of blue gloves.) Sara: You need gloves to handle elemental sodium. Mr. Estrin: Of course. It burns skin. We keep it in kerosene to stabilize it. Sara: Do you think it's possible that Hannah could have stolen it? Mr. Estrin: Hannah would never do that. Sara: I'm just wondering if it's possible. She obviously has access to this room. Mr. Estrin: Ms. Sidle ... I've had my share of good students over the years, but Hannah ... sometimes, right in the middle of a lecture, I'll catch her staring at some little thing in the yard -- a tree, a squirrel ... and all I can think about is how much I wish I could see it the way she does. If Hannah came up and asked me for a chunk of sodium, I'd give it to her, just to see what she would do with it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Warrick and Catherine, both in coveralls, walk up to the car in the garage.) Warrick: The victim's car originally impounded ... in front of Scott Baird's house. Traces of blood and soil consistent with the crime were found in the front seat. Now, if Hannah's the killer, she had to drive this car. (Catherine opens the driver's door and looks inside.) Catherine: Well, it's got adjustable seats, tilt and telescoping steering wheel -- It's certainly possible. (Warrick looks in through the back seat. He notes the blood smear on the carpet.) Warrick: Soil and blood on the carpet. That was in the report. (He reaches in and flips over the underside of the material covering the car seat. He finds a drop of blood. Warrick: Hmm. But this wasn't. (Warrick gets out and removes the driver's seat from the car. Catherine closes the door as Warrick flips the seat over onto the nearby table.) Warrick: Okay, what do we got? (Catherine finds a fingerprint in the blood on the material under the chair.) Catherine: I'd say the killer moved the seat. Warrick: Yeah. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. CAR - NIGHT] (Hannah reaches under the chair to move the seat forward. Camera zooms in as she leaves a bloodied fingerprint on the material under the seat.) END OF FLASHBACK RESUME PRESENT [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - NIGHT] LEGEND: 23 HOURS TO TRIAL (The print is being run through AFIS.) (Nick waits as Mandy Webster runs the print.) Mandy Webster: Twelve-year-old killer, huh? Nick: Starting to look that way, yeah. Mandy Webster: I bet that grand theft auto had something to do with it. Nick: Mm, I don't know. I don't think Hannah's really the video-game type. Mandy Webster: Never know. Between you and me, I actually think it's a ton of fun. (She finds a match to SCOTT BAIRD.) Mandy Webster: Print is a match to a Scott Baird. Isn't that the victim's boyfriend? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Sofia Curtis interviews Scott Baird with his father, Mr. Baird, sitting next to him.) Mr. Baird: Two people confessed to the murder, and now you're accusing my son? Sofia Curtis: Kids do stupid things. Marlon covers for Hannah, Hannah covers for Scott. Scott Baird: Dad ... Mr. Baird: (interrupts) Don't say a word. Sofia Curtis: DNA confirmed your fingerprint in Stacy's car, in Stacy's blood. Mr. Baird: Scott loved Stacy. We all did. And when whoever killed her parked her car in my driveway to frame my son, I understood why you had to talk to him. But this? That's it. We're leaving. Come on, Scott. Sofia Curtis: This is the only chance you're going to get. If you walk out that door, you're under arrest. Mr. Baird: I want a lawyer. Scott Baird: I want to talk. Mr. Baird: Scott. Scott Baird: Without my dad. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM -- NIGHT] LEGEND: 19 HOURS TO TRIAL (In the interview room, Mr. Baird puts up a fuss before leaving.) Mr. Baird: This is ridiculous. (DA Jeffrey Sinclair, Nick and Sara are in the observation room watching the interview room.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: I asked you guys to rule out one suspect, now we have three. Nick: If he's willing to talk, I'd say, we caught a break. Sara: The father's going to sue. DA Jeffrey Sinclair: Oh, I'd put money on that. (In the interview room, Scott Baird talks with Sofia Curtis.) Sofia Curtis: Okay, Scott. You said you wanted to talk. Let's talk. Scott Baird: This doesn't get back to our families, all right? My dad's a deacon, and Stacy's dad is, too. They'll never understand. Sofia Curtis: They won't hear anything from me. Scott Baird: I was pressuring Stacy to have s*x. She kept resisting. It was that stupid virginity pledge that she had taken at the high school. I told her that I loved her, and that nothing should get in the way of that. Sofia Curtis: I take it that convinced her. Scott Baird: (nods) Yeah. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. CAR (PARKED) - NIGHT] (Scott and Stacy are kissing.) Stacy Vollmer: I mean, really? You really do? Scott Baird: Yeah. I love you. I love you with all of my heart. END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME TO PRESENT Scott Baird: There was a little blood. Not a lot, but ... after, she ... she started feeling guilty, so I went back into the front of the car and I tossed the condom. And ... then I ... wiped my fingers under the seat. (In the observation room, Nick takes out his phone and makes a call.) Hodges: (over phone) Hello? Nick: (to phone) Hodges, Stokes. Listen, there's a bloody fingerprint in the back freezer from Stacy Vollmer's car. Pull it and test it for spermicides and lubricants. (Sara nods.) We need it quickly, all right? Hodges: (from phone) I'm on it. (Nick hangs up.) Sara: If it tests positive, it will clear him. DA Jeffrey Sinclair: Yeah. Which means we're down to Malcolm and Hannah. Right back where we started. (Sara rolls her eyes as she looks at Sinclair, then at Nick.) Scott Baird: Stacy said that she was afraid that God would punish her for having s*x. I told her that was crazy. Guess I was wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO TRACE LAB -- DAY] (Sara talks with Nick.) Sara: Archie is not getting much off of Hannah's computer. Most of her files are encrypted aes-256. It's going to be nearly impossible to crack. Nick: What do you mean by "most"? Sara: Well, it's not much, but apparently Hannah had IP access to the laser printer in the high school library. Nick: Same one that printed the "out of order" signs for the shower. Sara: If she printed those signs, it shows intent. Nick: Mm-hmm. (They enter the Trace Lab where Hodges reports his findings.) Hodges: Ah, teen lust. Starts with some chemistry, and then you mess around with some biology, and once you have some experience "under your belt," then you introduce the physics. (Hodges shows Nick and Sara the test results.) Hodges: Apparently, chivalry is not dead: The bloody fingerprint tested positive for nonoxynol spermicide. Nick: So much for the boyfriend. Sara: If we can't pin this on Hannah or Marlon, they could both walk. Hodges: You could flip a coin. Nick: I have a better idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HIGH SCHOOL (STOCK) - DAY] (The school bell rings.) [INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Nick and Sara walk through the hallway.) Sara: I bet you really liked high school. Nick: Yeah, playing football, chasing girls, books when I wanted to learn something -- What's not to like? [INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (They meet up with Warrick and Darcy. Darcy's barely paying attention to them as she listens to her iPod.) Warrick: Hey, guys. Nick: Hey. Warrick: This is Darcy, my wife Tina's niece. Sara: Hi, Darcy. Nick: Yeah. You were right; she's about Hannah's size. Warrick: More or less. Darcy: Stop talking about me. (Warrick reaches out and pulls the earplugs from her ears.) Hey, that's the best part! (They turn into the showers.) Warrick: That's what the pause button's for. It's time to work; it's child labor day. (They stop in front of the showers.) Nick: Okay. Crime started right here. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Stacy turns the shower on. The showerhead explodes.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME TO PRESENT (Warrick looks at Darcy.) Warrick: Think you could reach that? (Darcy reaches up and tries to reach the showerhead. She can't.) Warrick: It's kind of hard to sabotage a showerhead you can't touch. Nick: Depends on what's behind the curtain. (Nick pushes the curtain aside and finds a stool.) Nick: A stool. Just like the one in Hannah's bathroom. Try this. (Nick sets the stool down under the showerhead. Darcy steps on the stool and reaches for the showerhead.) INSERT: FLASHBACK (Hannah removes the showerhead and adds the sodium to it.) Sara: (V.O.) Hannah had access to the chem lab, and she knew how to handle sodium ... (Cut to: Hannah hides as Stacy enters the shower. She turns the shower on. The shower explodes; Stacy screams.) (Stacy grabs the shower curtain. Hannah hides as Stacy runs through the locker room.) Sara: (V.O.) Stacy would not have known what hit her. Or where she was going. WHITE FLASH TO: (Stacy runs out into the hallway. She trips on the edge of the shower curtain and falls down the steps. She hits the concrete, a pool of blood under her head.) (The image of Stacy Vollmer on the ground dissolves out.) Sara: Stacy landed here and bled out from the trauma to her skull. Nick: Darcy, why don't you put those headphones back on? Darcy: Like I didn't hear what you guys just said? Sara: Hannah could have done this. Nick: Maybe. But the next part, that was the toughest. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD -- DAY] (Darcy grunts as she pulls the shower curtain with the body weight inside.) (Darcy grunts.) Darcy: It's too heavy! Warrick: Come on, you're almost there! It's building character! Sara: It's slow going, but you're doing it. Nick: Yeah, so far. (Darcy's halfway across the track when she lets go.) Nick: (to Darcy) That's okay. Look, even if she makes it to the grass, you think she could've pulled the body the entire length of the football field? (They walk out onto the center field.) Nick: There were scratches on the shower curtain -- the body was dragged at least part of the way. Sara: There's no way Hannah pulled it the entire distance. Nick: Not by herself. They did it together. (They pause a moment to think about it.) Darcy: So ... did I help the dead girl? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] LEGEND: 10 HOURS TO TRIAL (Nick and Sara walk through the hallway.) Nick: If Marlon and Hannah worked this crime together, then they're probably still working as a team. Sara: It's all part of the plan: He confesses, then she confesses. Muddy the waters enough, they both get off on reasonable doubt. Nick: Mm-hmm. Well, if we can't get one to implicate the other, we're screwed. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY] (Nick talks with Marlon West in the presence of the child advocate.) Marlon West: I don't get it. What's wrong with you people? You want me to confess? Again? Fine, I will. Nick: Marlon, you need to confirm that you're willing to talk to me without a parent or lawyer present, just a child advocate. Marlon West: I already said that was okay. I killed Stacy; what else do I have to tell you? (Nick sits down.) Nick: Well, the truth works for me. I like the truth. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY] (Hannah West talks with Sara.) Hannah West: Look, I don't need a lawyer, and I don't need my parents. I just want to do what's right. Sara: Hannah, taking the blame for something you didn't do may be noble, but it doesn't make it right. Hannah West: That's deep. Okay. It happened like this: Stacy humiliated me, I wanted revenge. Sara: Yeah, and you knew that there was no way you were ever going to get it by yourself. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY] (Nick continues his interview with Marlon.) Nick: You moved the body, you buried it ... Marlon West: I know I did; I was there. What's the problem? Nick: Well, the problem is what happened in the locker room. I mean, you're not the kind of guy who puts sodium in a showerhead to get back at somebody. You just trip them in the hallway. Marlon West: So you think I'm too stupid to have done it. Great, join the club. Nick: I don't think you're stupid, Marlon; I didn't say you were stupid. But this is Hannah's game. The whole way. Marlon West: (shakes his head) Uh-uh. I broke into the chem lab. I stole the sodium. Me. All by myself. Nick: It takes skills to handle a chemical like that properly. And, quite frankly, man, you just don't have the skills. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY] (Sara continues her interview with Hannah.) Sara: Your prank went bad, and Stacy ended up dead. Hannah West: That's what I said. Sara: Marlon helped you bury her. Hannah West: No. Why won't you believe me? [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY] Marlon West: Stay away from Hannah. She had nothing to do with this. Nick: No, no, she had everything to do with this. You two were working together from the beginning. Marlon West: Just leave her alone. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY] Sara: Marlon helped you move the body. Hannah West: He didn't! Sara: You expect me to believe that a little girl like you lugged a hundred pounds of dead weight the length of a football field by yourself? Hannah West: No, of course not, that's why I had to use the cart. Sara: What cart? Hannah West: The electric cart. The one the landscapers were using. It was just sitting there, right outside the door. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- A/V LAB - DAY] (Warrick is digitally going through the various crime scene photos while on the phone with Sara.) Warrick: (to phone) Wait a minute. I got something. Let me clean up this image. (In the background, he sees the cart.) Warrick: (to phone) I see a cart, Sara. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Hannah drives the cart across the football field with the body in the back.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME TO PRESENT [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Sara is in the hallway and on the phone.) Sara: (to phone) So Hannah could be telling the truth. Warrick: (from phone) It's enough for reasonable doubt. Sara: (to phone) Great. Thanks, Warrick. Warrick: (from phone) Yeah. (Sara turns and looks at Hannah sitting inside the interview room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - OFFICE -- DAY] (Nick meets with DA Jeffrey Sinclair and Conrad Ecklie.) Nick: The evidence says either one of them could have done it, but I think they were in it together. DA Jeffrey Sinclair: Okay, I'll proceed against Marlon for the murder and bring charges against Hannah for conspiracy. Conrad Ecklie: Another trial? You sure you want to go through all this again? (Sara walks into the room.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: Stacy's parents and the community will have my ass if I don't. Sara: Well, then maybe this is good news. I was just going over Sofia's notes from the original investigation. The night of the murder, Hannah and Marlon's parents had left them alone in the house. A pizza was delivered to the residence around 9:00 P.M. Nick: That's right around Stacy's TOD. DA Jeffrey Sinclair: So, did anybody talk to the delivery guy? Sara: Yes, and at the point that Sofia did, a month had passed. Now, the delivery guy's at the house all the time. He recognized photos of both kids, but he could not be sure which one answered the door that night. Nick: But one of them did answer the door. (Sara nods.) So that means they were not together at the time Stacy was killed. Conrad Ecklie: Yeah. So much for conspiracy. We're right back where we started. DA Jeffrey Sinclair: Where we are is in the crapper. Look, I have to disclose the cart. Defense is going to eat me alive. Nick: Marlon's your guy. He's your guy -- just because Hannah wasn't there doesn't mean she didn't help plan this. DA Jeffrey Sinclair: Well, I sure hope it's Marlon, because he's the one we have on trial. Nick: I stand by the case we filed. Conrad Ecklie: I agree. The girl's just trying to protect him. (There's a pause.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: Sara? Sara: (shakes her head) This was more about brains than brawn. I think Hannah did it. (Nick shakes his head.) Conrad Ecklie: Two out of three. DA Jeffrey Sinclair: In my world, that's called an acquittal. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COURTROOM BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. COURTROOM - DAY] (The trial resumes.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: High school. Even if you're popular, or a jock, or a brain ... it can be hell. Everybody here remembers what it was like ... what it was really like. Now take a look at Marlon West. Take a good, hard look. Not popular ... [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Nick puts the evidence bags back into the storage box.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) ... not a jock ... not a brain. (He stops and looks at a photo of Stacy Vollmer.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) Now imagine what it must be like to be Marlon West day after day after day in the sociological pressure cooker of high school. (Nick picks up the folded clothes on the table and continues to put them back in the evidence bags.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) This imposing, struggling outsider like Marlon resenting someone like Stacy Vollmer, who made it look so easy to be popular, athletic and smart. (Nick seals the evidence bag and removes the gloves from his hands.) (He takes a red seal and seals the evidence bag.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) That strong resentment was already festering when Stacy made Marlon's sister the object of a typical high school prank. (He initials and dates the seal: NS 3/29.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) And that is when Marlon, his resentment ... [INT. COURTROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] DA Jeffrey Sinclair: ... boiling over, crossed a line: He stalked Stacy. You've seen and heard evidence illustrating the elaborate pains he took to rig a showerhead to torture Stacy, INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM] (Marlon wears goggles as he watches the sodium experiment.) (Cut to: Stacy Vollmer, wrapped in the plastic shower curtain, runs out of the locker room and into the hallway.) DA Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) ... how he forced her to run and fall, ... (Cut to: Stacy turns and falls down the steps.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME TO PRESENT DA Jeffrey Sinclair: ... and watched her die in a pool of her own blood. You know, for the first time in his life, Marlon feels like a hero. He's not invisible anymore. He's a killer ... and he is guilty beyond all reasonable doubt. Carol Allred: "Reasonable doubt." You know, I'm not surprised to hear the prosecution say those words, because its case offers nothing but reasonable doubt. [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Sara logs in Hannah's bloody shirt as evidence. She signs the form.) Carol Allred: (V.O.) Access to sodium?! Marlon couldn't find sodium on a periodic table of the elements, let alone a locked supply closet. (Sara puts the pen down and walks around the table full of evidence bags.) Carol Allred: (V.O.) Access to library printers? Do you really think a kid like Marlon spends any time in a library? (Sara picks up the print cards off the table.) Carol Allred: (V.O.) The showerhead. Yes, Marlon's tall enough. (Sara picks up the print card with the unknown prints from the shower curtain.) Carol Allred: (V.O.) He could reach it, but he still would have had to have handled a volatile chemical with expert safety precautions in order to orchestrate an explosion. (She looks at the photos of Hannah's science project board and of the blue gloves found in her room.) [INT. COURTROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The closing remarks continue.) Carol Allred: I mean, ladies and gentlemen, do you know how to do that? I don't know how to do that. Right? You'd have to be ... a genius. (She turns and looks at Hannah.) Carol Allred: Marlon? Not a genius. You know, one of the underpinnings of our justice system is that it is better to send a hundred guilty men free than to imprison even one who's innocent. Marlon West is an innocent man. [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - DAY] (Nick and Sara sit in the break room.) Carol Allred: (V.O.) Reasonable doubt compels you to find him not guilty. (Nick's phone vibrates.) (The message reads: NEW TEXT MESSAGE.) (Sara's phone rings.) (The message reads: NEW TEXT MESSAGE.) (Nick checks his message: JURY'S IN.) [INT. COURTROOM - DAY] (The foreperson hands the note to the bailiff to takes it to Judge Crawford. Judge Crawford takes the note.) Judge Crawford: Thank you. (He looks at it. Nick and Sara are seated in the courtroom.) Bailiff: Defendant shall rise. (Carol Allred and Marlon West stand.) Judge Crawford: Madam Foreman, what is the jury's verdict? Foreman: On the sole count of murder in the first degree, we, the jury, find the defendant, Marlon West ... not guilty. (Carol turns and hugs Marlon. Hannah smiles.) (Mrs. Vollmer cries in her husband's arms. Nick shakes his head.) Judge Crawford: So noted. Court orders the defendant released from custody. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your service. Court is adjourned. (Judge Crawford bangs the gavel.) (Hannah quickly pushes the gate open and hugs Marlon tightly around his waist.) (Marlon barely reacts.) (Nick and Sara watch him as he puts a hand around Hannah.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Jim West and Marlon West sign the release forms.) Jim West: Can you sign this as well? (Out in the hallway, Sally West waits with Hannah. Sara turns the corner and walks up to them.) Sarah: Hey, there. Hannah West: Did you come to say bye? Sara: No. Actually, you and I are going to be seeing a lot of each other. If you thought the DA wouldn't prosecute a twelve-year-old for murder, you were wrong. He wants justice for Stacy and her family. Hannah West: Of course. He's a totally linear thinker. Most of you guys are. Sally West: Shame on you, Ms. Sidle. Come on, Hannah. You don't need to listen to this. Hannah West: Mom, just give us a second. (Sally steps away and joins Jim and Marlon at the counter.) Hannah West: You were saying? (Sara looks around and walks over to the hallway seats.) Sara: Here. (She sits down and looks eye-to-eye with Hannah still standing in front of her. She sighs.) Sara: Hannah, with your gifts, you could've done anything you wanted, and you picked murder. You can't take that back. Hannah West: You're worried how I'm going turn out. Sara: Of course I am. I know it seems like a really long time, but ... in five years, the Stacies of the world would've been behind you. Hannah West: Let me guess. You were a smart kid in school. Maybe you feel we're a little bit alike. Sara: There aren't many people like you. Hannah West: That's what my parents always say, too. The last four months, all they cared about was the effect of the trial on me ... not Marlon. It's been that way ever since I was 14 months old and started spelling words with plastic letters. It's so unfair, and nobody ever sees it. He doesn't deserve to go to jail. If I get convicted, what's the worst-case scenario? I mean, I'll be out in five years with an undergraduate degree. There's no "Son of Sam" law in Nevada -- that was ruled unconstitutional -- so I'm free to write a book about all this. (Sara shakes her head.) The story'll be worth millions. Freaks are always good box office. Sara: You're not a freak. Hannah West: (chuckles) When's the last time you had to sit down to be eye-level with a murder suspect who was standing up? Sara: Hannah, you are smart. Hannah West: So I've been told. Sara: But you're not smart enough to get away with murder. Hannah West: I think I am. A lot of people are smart enough to get away with murder. You probably are, too. But you have to be really smart to make people think things happened that never did. Sara: What do you mean, exactly? Hannah West: Please don't worry about me. I'm going to be fine. (Hannah leans in close and whispers to Sara.) Hannah West: (smugly) I didn't kill Stacy. Marlon did. (Hannah turns and walks down the hallway, leaving Sara stunned.)
Plan: A: A teenage boy; Q: Who is Marlon? A: Marlon; Q: Who is being prosecuted for the murder of Stacey? A: Stacey; Q: Who was murdered by Marlon? A: 12-year-old; Q: How old was Hannah when she took the stand? A: CSI; Q: What team is faced with a strange dilemma - two confessions for the one murder? A: a genius; Q: What is Hannah's talent? A: high school; Q: Where was Hannah when she confessed to the murder? A: the jury; Q: Who found Marlon not guilty? A: Sara; Q: Who does Hannah reveal that it was Marlon who killed Stacey? Summary: A teenage boy, Marlon, is being prosecuted for a murder of Stacey, one of his female classmates. During his trial, his 12-year-old sister Hannah takes the stand, and admits that she herself murdered Stacey. The CSI team is now faced with a strange dilemma - two confessions for the one murder. As Hannah is a genius, in high school already, some CSI members suspect that she could not have physically committed the murder. Finally the brother is found to be not guilty by the jury. Later, Hannah reveals to Sara that it was Marlon all along.
CHRISTINA: (narrating) As doctors, we know everybody's secrets. Their medical histories, sexual histories, confidential information that is as essential to a surgeon as a 10-blade. And every bit as dangerous. We keep secrets. We have to. But not all secrets can be kept. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: 6 letter word for pinnacle. MEREDITH: Zenith. DEREK: Oh this is good. No s*x crossword puzzles, current events. When's the knitting start? MEREDITH: Shut up. Good things come to those who wait. DEREK: I want s*x. MEREDITH: There will be no s*x. CHRISTINA: Am I interrupting s*x? DEREK: No. CHRISTINA: Good. Get out. DEREK: What? You can't ask me to leave. CHRISTINA: Meredith... MEREDITH: Give us a sec. DEREK: When I get back there better be some s*x. MEREDITH: Why are you all sweaty and ick? CHRISTINA: I jogged here. MEREDITH: You don't jog. Christina... CHRISTINA: What if Derek robbed a bank? MEREDITH: What? CHRISTINA: Say Derek was robbing a bank...and while he was in there, you were waiting outside, cause it was your job to drive the get away car. MEREDITH: Why would Derek rob a bank? CHRISTINA: Just go with me here. MEREDITH: Okay, Derek's robbing a bank. CHRISTINA: And he gets caught. And no one knows you were involved, cause you were driving the car. MEREDITH: Okay, Derek's in jail, I'm in the mystery car. What's the question? CHRISTINA: Would you turn yourself in? Or would you stay quiet and let Derek go down for a robbery in which you were a complicit participant? Or would you stand by him? MEREDITH: Well... whose idea was it to rob the bank? CHRISTINA: I don't know...his! But you helped. I mean could you live with yourself if you walked away and let the man you love take the fall? MEREDITH: If you tell me, maybe I can help. If you tell me... CHRISTINA: I'll see you at work. MEREDITH: Christina, you don't jog. We don't jog. CHRISTINA: Has George said anything to you? MEREDITH: About what? CHRISTINA: I jog sometimes... without you. [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: How's your dad? GEORGE: His surgery is today. CHRISTINA: You have nothing to worry about. GEORGE: I'm not worried. Not any more. CHRISTINA: What do you mean by that? IZZIE: Hey. So are you and Meredith having one of your "we're best friends, we're so cool" secret time things? Sorry, I'm cranky. Candy striping makes me so cranky. GEORGE: Christina's leaving. DEREK: Ah, so I can have my girlfriend back. (Christina jogs out.) IZZIE: What's wrong with her? (George just walks back into the kitchen as Izzie rolls her eyes at the giggles coming from Meredith and Derek upstairs.) BURKE: Why are you acting like the sky is falling? CHRISTINA: It is falling. It already fell. George knows. BURKE: I was in surgey 14 hours yesterday and no tremor. CHRISTINA: Yeah, with me by your side ready to jump in. BURKE: I haven't had a tremor in a week. CHRISTINA: George knows. This isn't just any surgery. You are operating on his father today. BURKE: I am aware of that. And I am fine. CHRISTINA: He's going to do something. I know him. He's not just going to just stand by and say nothing. BURKE: There's nothing to say. I had a tremor and now I don't. CHRISTINA: We need a strategy. We have to figure out our story and come up with a plan. BURKE: Christina...you're too intense. CHRISTINA: I am too intense? I have been working my ass off making sure nobody knows. Running your board, learning surgial procedures I shouldn't have to know until my fifth year covering you. BURKE: Covering me? And I haven't been covering you? CHRISTINA: Excuse me? BURKE: I'm just saying, we're a team. CHRISTINA: Okay BURKE: A strong team. And I wouldn't be in tha OR if I didn't know I could do it. You're just going to have to trust me on that. Don't let this O'Malley thing break you down CHRISTINA: No, I'm not. BURKE: Christina... (Her pager goes off.) CHRISTINA: I gotta go. (His pager goes off too.) [SCENE_BREAK] ALEX: What happened? BAILEY: Driver, lost control of his car. plowed throug the fish market at the warf. I need all hands on deck. IZZIE: All hands? Does that mean "all hands" or just...all hands? BAILEY: Stephens you shouldn't have been paged. You can go and take over on Mr. O'Malley. He's having surgery today with Dr. Burke. CHRISTINA: That's my case. I'm with Burke. BAILEY: You have traumas rolling in. She can take over for you. IZZIE: Thanks... BAILEY: Stephens, you will not scrub in, you will not handle any instruments. You will not move or talk or DO anything other than breathe and watch. IZZIE: Candy striping again, no problem. CHRISTINA: Where is George? Why isn't he here? MEREDITH: I don't know. He switched shifts with me. CHRISTINA: Dr. Bailey I just wanted to say...Dr. Burke requested me on the O'Malley case, so if I have to go...even if Izzie can't scrub in...so if and when my attending asks for me... BAILEY: Well if and when your attending asks for you, then you have to go don't you? (They enter mad chaos of hurt people.) BAILEY: Grey, trauma room 1. Yang, man that stretcher. Karev come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: All right talk to me CHRISTINA: Larry Shane Dickerson. 68. GCS 8. BP of 100 over palp. Pulse in the 120's. CALLIE: Obvious deformation of the tib/fib. Get x-rays let me know if there's anything surgical. He's got a lot worse problems than a broken leg. WIFE: Honey, let me hear your voice. Oh that car... that car... just about killed him. DEREK: The car hit him? CALLIE: No, he was driving. CHRISTINA: Hit his head on the windshield. Chest hit the steering column. Old car. No airbags. DEREK: So he was driving the car that crashed into the fish market? WIFE: He wasn't driving it. That's what I'm telling you. It was driving him. He didn't do all this. It was the car. He couldn't stop it. DEREK: Alright, left puple is sluggish. Mrs. Dickerson, Dr. Yang is going to take your husband over to radiology. BAILEY: Mrs. Dickerson I have two police officers waiting to take you statement about the accident. MRS. DICKERSON: It was the car. He went to drop me of, just like he always does. He's a good driver. Please I want to be with my husband. BAILEY: Yes, Mrs. Dickerson, but just give the statement. MRS. DICKERSON: Not now! Please. BAILEY: Okay um...right. I'll ask them to come back later. Let's go. NURSE: He's crashing. NURSE 2: I need suction here. MEREDITH: Should we shock him again? BURKE: Shocking him isn't going to help if there's no blood to pump. Damn it. There are clots everywhere. If I could just get better visualization. ADDISON: So you were in the fish market when this happened? Okay I need you to get her (She notices a woman covered in blood standing in front of some automatically opening doors.) ADDISON: Ma'am? Ma'am? BURKE: Call it Grey. MEREDITH: Time of death 7:53 AM. (Addison walks toward the woman, who is now slowly walking into the room.) Dr. HAHN: Preston Burke. Back from the dead. Can't say the same for your patient. (Addison running over to the woman.) ADDISON: I need a stretcher over here! Woman: I think I might be parked in a red zone (She collapses into Addison's arms.) ADDISON: I need a stretcher please! [SCENE_BREAK] ALEX: Awesome cuts. JANELLE: I flew through a window. I flew. ADDISON: Karev. MARK: Stop man-handling my interns. That's my job. ADDISON: Can you tell me your name? JANELLE: Janelle Duko. ADDISON: Janelle what do you do for a living? JANELLE: I sell vegetables at the fish market. MRS. DICKERSON: Janelle, honey, can I get you anything? Some food maybe? JANELLE: Mrs. Dickerson is that you? ADDISON: Mrs. Dickerson, you can't be here right now. MRS. DICKERSON: Larry's a good driver. The car went crazy. Janelle if you need anything, I'll be right over here. JANELLE: She's my best customer. ADDISON: She collapsed in my arms, I just want to make sure she's okay. You got it from here? MARK: They don't call me doctor for nothing. JANELLE: Mr. Dickerson is such a nise man. I hope he didn't kill my baby. MARK: Addison! She's pregnant. ADDISON: I need an ultrasound. How far along are you? JANELLE: 10 weeks. OW! ALEX: Sorry. MARK: There's glass in there Karev, try a lighter touch. JANELLE: The doctors...hot men. They're all really hot. They are aren't they? It's not just cause I'm wearing a plate-glass window? ADDISON: Nope. They're man-candy. JANELLE: Good (She starts coughing up blood.) Okay that is nasty. ADDISON: Her SAT's are in the 80's. I've got to get her oxygen. And I'm going to need a portable chest STAT! MARK: I love you bossing. Boss more. [SCENE_BREAK] MR. O'MALLEY: Hey Izzie. Honey, this is Izzie. MRS. O'MALLEY: Oh yeah. One of the girls who lives with Georgie. In some kind of set up there. MR. O'MALLEY: It's not a set up. It's what they do these days. Men and women live together without being Men and Women. It's like a neutral thing. MRS. O'MALLEY: So, nothing sexual? GEORGE: Mom! IZZIE: No, nothing sexal. Where are the other O'Malley men today? MR. O'MALLEY: I told them to get back to work. They were climbing the walls in here. IZZIE: Well I'm here to prep you for surgery. As you know, Dr. Burke is your surgeon. MRS. O'MALLEY: That's right Dr. Burke. Georgie's always saying Dr. Burke this, Dr. Burke that. IZZIE: He's one of the best cardiothoracic guys in the world. GEORGE: (disbelieving) Yeah... (his pager goes off) I have to go. I'll be right back. IZZIE: You're not even working today, why are you getting paged? GEORGE: I'll be back. MRS. O'MALLEY: You're pretty. There's nothing sexual between you and Georgie? Even a little bit MR. O'MALLEY: Loise! MRS. O'MALLEY: What? I just want Georgie to be happy. IZZIE: Okay..let's just prep you for surgey. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: Anything you would have done differently, Dr. Hahn? HAHN: Given the size of the wound, I would have given up sooner. So how have you been Preston? The last time I saw you, you stole my patient's heart, and then got shot. Karma rocks. BURKE: What brings you out from Seattle Pres. to Seattle Grace? HAHN: A Consult. And knowing how much my being here would annoy you... BURKE: Oh, on the contrary, it's always a pleasure. Though not as much as when you leave. MEREDITH: Hey, do you think I could get in on Dr. Hahn's surgery? I hear she's amazing. CHRISTINA: Who? MEREDITH: Dr. Hahn. She's doing a consult. I wonDerek who the VIP patient is... (We see George talking to Dr. Hahn.) CHRISTINA: You know what, get him to CT. (Hands films to a nurse.) MEREDITH: What... [SCENE_BREAK] CHIEF: Dr. Hahn, I was pleasantly surprised to hear you'd be joining us today. HAHN: Well I'm always ready to lend a hand, Dr. Webber. CALLIE: George, how's your dad? GEORGE: Here's his chart, He's in 3975 down the hall, third door on the right. I'll be there in a minute. CHIEF: I'll escort you. And you can tell me what it'll take me to steal you away from Seattle Pres. We could use an extra hand around here. GEORGE: Callie. We broke up. You broke up with me unless you don't remember. CALLIE: I'm just asking about your dad. GEORGE: Why? Why do you care? CALLIE: Because I care about you. GEORGE: Right. I guess that's why you slept with Mark Sloan. Makes sense. [SCENE_BREAK] ADDISON: Did Dr. Bailey see the chest x-ray? MEREDITH: No, but with the low pulse ox. and decreased breath sounds, she suspects Janelle will need a chest tube. ALEX: I'm dabbing out freaking glass splinters, and she gets to do a chest tube? MARK: You signed on for this. JANELLE: This is not a good day for me. This is not a good day for me at all. ADDISON: The baby looks good, Janelle. Heart beat is strong. Do you want to call the father? JANELLE: You could, but that would require me speaking to him, which I no longer do. Hearing he's a daddy from some random doctor might not go over so well. ADDISON: So the father doesn't know? JANELLE: No, and he's never going to. CALLIE: Grey, can I speak with you? MEREDITH: I'm setting up a chest tube. Callie; I need to talk to you when you're done. MEREDITH: I'll find you. ALEX: You know I can suture. I've done it before. MARK: When you've can do a z-plasty and barely see the scar, give me a call. Until then, dab and clean, dab and clean. ADDISON: Welcome to plastics, Karev. Is it everything you've ever dreamed of? BAILEY: We're not doing a chest tube Grey. ADDISON: What's going on? BAILEY: Ms. Duko. You have a shard of glass going into your heart. [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: Hey. Have you see Dr. Torres? DEREK: No. Quite a morning isn't it? 14 injured, 2 dead, MEREDITH: I know. There's a lot of blood...You know, there's a girl who literally has a shard of glass in her chest. DEREK: Come here. Larry Dickerson, guy who crashed the car into the fish market. He has a subdural hematoma, along with air in his mediastinum. Now look at this. Look at his spine right here. MEREDITH: Spinal Stenosis. DEREK: Yep. MEREDITH: Narrowing of the spine, most often a result of aging. Causes numbness in the legs and feet. DEREK: Only his case is so far advanced, I doubt he could have even felt his feet. Which means... MEREDITH: He shouldn't have been driving. BURKE: You paged me? DEREK: Patient has air in the mediastinum. Wanted you to take a look. BURKE: This guy shouldn't have been driving. DEREK: I know. BURKE: Looks like he has a tracheal injury. You going into the OR for the subdural? DEREK: Yeah, as soon as one becomes available. What's wrong with Christina? BURKE: What do you mean? DEREK: First she kicks me out of bed at 5 this morning so she could have girl talk with Meredith and now I can't find her. She's supposed to be my intern. I had to get my own CT. What's going on? MEREDITH: Nothing. Christina's fine. She's just working really hard. BURKE: I'm sure I don't have any idea. MEREDITH: Don't mention Christina to Burke, okay? It's just not a good idea? DEREK: Oh yeah? What did you two talk about in bed this morning? MEREDITH: Bank robberies. Which isn't really the point. It's just that, she was jogging and...just cut her some slack today. Not that I should interfere... DEREK: But you're going to anyway. MEREDITH: I'm just going to ask once. Very nicely...Please? Please...please? DEREK: You know what says thank you like nothing else? (whipers) s*x. MEREDITH: I'm leaving now. [SCENE_BREAK] (Dr. Hahn is talking to Mr. O'Malley. Christina listens in. Meredith walks over to Christina.) MEREDITH: Hey, Derek's looking for you He says you left a patient in CT. CHRISTINA: Shhhhh. MEREDITH: What's going on? (Chief looks out to see Christina prying and she runs off.) CHIEF: Dr. Yang? CHRISTINA: Yes sir? CHIEF: When you see Dr. Burke, tell him I need to speak with him. CHRISTINA: Of course sir. Is that Dr. Hahn from Pres. talking to George's dad? CHIEF: Mr. O'Malley has elected to have Dr. Hahn perform his valve replacement. CHRISTINA: But what about Dr. Burke? CHIEF: Dr. Burke's been replaced. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: Dr. Hahn's going to perform the surgery. That's a good thing if it means you stop obsessing. CHRISTINA: George didn't just replace you, he told the Chief. The Chief knows. And for all we know, Erica Hahn is being considered for the next head of Cardio. And if the Chief asked me to tell you he has something important to talk to you about. BURKE: Oh. Okay. CHRISTINA: So we need to align our stories. BURKE: This is why I feel like I'm covering for you. I don't line up stories, that's not me. CHRISTINA: Oh, and you think that's me? That's not fair. BURKE: Well the deal is done. If the Chief wants to talk to me, then I will talk to him. I'm not telling him a story Christina. I'm going to tell him the truth. CHRISTINA: Burke. Burke! MR. O'MALLEY: Still getting a heartbeat there? IZZIE: Happy to say. And it'll get stronger once you have the surgery. Do you guys mind me asking why you switched from Dr. Burke to Dr. Hahn? MR. O'MALLEY: We didn't George did. IZZIE: Did he say why? MR. O'MALLEY: Not really, no. MRS. O'MALLEY: Did Georgie and Dr. Burke maybe have a falling out? IZZIE: I don't think so. MRS. O'MALLEY: Then is there something going on with George and Dr. Hahn? MR. O'MALLEY: Oh here we go again.. IZZIE: There's definately nothing doing on with George And Dr. Hahn. MR. O'MALLEY: I already told her, Dr. Torres is the one who loves George. MRS. O'MALLEY: Then why did she break up with him? Why did she break up with him? Just between us? IZZIE: Well how much did George tell you? MRS. O'MALLEY: Everything, I'm his mother. IZZIE: Well then you know Callie's a little bit out there. I mean, I've seen more of her body than I have my own. It's just a little too much information for me. Nobody needs to be naked that often. (At their looks) He didn't tell you that? Um I don't know why they broke up. I mean he really seemed to like her. And I think he kind of needed her. I mean you remember the whole George and Meredith thing... MR. O'MALLEY: Wait...George and Meredith? MRS. O'MALLEY: I knew it. IZZIE: George didn't tell you that either. MRS. O'MALLEY: Dr. Grey, Dr. Torres, and now this Dr. Hahn. MR. O'MALLEY: O'Malley men are studs! MRS. O'MALLEY: He isn't a stud, he's just very handsome. IZZIE: People, focus. George is not dating Erica Hahn. MRS. O'MALLEY: Then why would he want her to perform his father's surgery instead of Dr. Burke? Is she better than Dr. Burke? IZZIE: She's good. Really good. But nobody's better than Burke. MR. O'MALLEY: Then why can't I have Dr. Burke? IZZIE: I don't know. MRS. O'MALLEY: Do me a favor... could you find out? [SCENE_BREAK] IZZIE: Hey, have you seen George? MEREDITH: No. IZZIE: He is acting so weird. MEREDITH: So is Christina. IZZIE: What is wrong with everyone today? (Callie storms in.) MEREDITH: Hey Callie, I was going to come and find you. What did you want to talk to me about? CALLIE: Panties? IZZIE: Uh Callie whatcha you up to? (Callie rolls up her sleeves.) CALLIE: I'm kicking Meredith's ass. (She shoves Meredith up against a locker.) Callie; I kept your secrets, I was discreet. I was a really good friend to you when I didn't have to be. And now you go and do this? MEREDITH: Do what? IZZIE: Callie use your words! CALLIE: Panties Meredith. I'm talking about the McFreaking code of silence and the pair of panties I pulled off the bulletin board. Not to mention the adulterous McSex I witnessed. (Izzie pulls Callie off her and gets in between them.) Remember that? IZZIE: I'm sorry, but she's very little and you're hurting her! CALLIE: You told George. My night with McSteamy was not yours to share! IZZIE: That's what this is about, your s*x with McSteamy? CALLIE: You told Izzie? MEREDITH: Callie! You told me you slept with someone. You never said it was Sloan. George told me it was Sloan. CALLIE: George? George told you? Who told George? IZZIE: Maybe perhaps the guy you slept with? CALLIE: George thinks I betrayed him. I didn't. We were broken up. MEREDITH: Well go tell George IZZIE: Dude she went all cagefighter on you. MEREDITH: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: How's my dad doing? IZZIE: George- your ex is hardcore. Passionate but hardcore. GEORGE: Yeah I don't...how's he doing? IZZIE: He's fine George. GEORGE: And my mom? Is she driving you crazy? Has she offered to iron your scrubs? She does that you know...she offers to iron things. Wierd things. IZZIE: They're fine. They're just... GEORGE: What? IZZIE: Confused. A strange doctor is operating on you dad's heart, and they both want to know why, and I have nothing to tell them, so... GEORGE: Christina...tell Izzie why Dr. Hahn is doing my dad's surgery instead of Dr. Burke. Go on. CHRISTINA: Dr. Hahn is an excellent surgeon. Your father is great hands. Nothing else matters. GEORGE: You're wrong. There's alot of people with fathers in this hospital, and it does matter tot hem who their doctor is.(She walks away.) IZZIE: George I... I know this is scary, but Burke... I didn't come back until I was ready. Preston Burke is ready. GEORGE: Look I can't talk to you about this. This is none of your business. So just please just stay out of this. IZZIE: What do I do about your parents? GEORGE: You don't do anything about my parents. Your job is to watch remember? Sorry... [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: You might want to consiDerek leaving that alone until she goes into the OR. JANELLE: Yeah, about that, when's that going to happen? There's a large shard of glass in my heart you know. ALEX: You'd be surprised how long people can live with stuff inside their bodies. Shrapnel, bullets. MARK: I saw a guy once with half a chair leg in his chest. That was one hell of a splinter. JANELLE: Can we focus here? ADDISON: Janelle, it looks like we'll have the OR in a few hours. JANELLE: So if I get hit by a car, get thrown through a window, have a big shard of glass in my heart, and my baby survives, that's pretty much a sign I should have this baby right? Even without a father? ADDISON: Everyone has a father. MARK: Not if she doesn't tell him. JANELLE: You think I should tell him. Everyone says I'm wrong. He's scum and now I'm the bad guy cause I don't want him in my kid's life. Isn't that what you''re thinking? ADDISON: Janelle... ALEX: My thing is what about the kid? What happens when he's 6 or 7 and he wants to meet his dad? MARK: Karev, this is none of your business okay? ALEX: She asked, okay? JANELLE: He cheated on me. ALEX: Makes him an ass, doesn't mean you have to be one. Mrs. Duko? (She's breathing hard and monitors go off.) MARK: BP's 80/60. ADDISON: I'm getting muffled heart sounds. She's officially unstable. The OR can't wait. Alex, find Dr. Burke, and Bolus a litre of saline. I need a unit of blood. We've got to get her ready for transport people. [SCENE_BREAK] MRS. DICKERSON: I'm sorry spinal what? DEREK: Stenosis. MRS. DICKERSON: And he got this from the accident? DEREK: I think it may have caused the accident. Spinal Stenosis is common in olDerek people MRS. DICKERSON: No. Larry didn't have anything wrong with him before the accident. BAILEY: So there were no symptoms that either of you noticed? MRS. DICKERSON: No, Larry was fine. We're old, but we're both in good health. Larry was fine. DEREK: We're going to need to operate on your husband. He has a subdural hematoma, which is bleeding in the brain. And we need to bring in a cardiothoracic surgeon to repair the hole in his trachea, which is his windpipe. MRS. DICKERSON: So that means that you need to operate on his chest and his head. DEREK: Yes. MRS. DICKERSON: We just wanted to go to the market. [SCENE_BREAK] (Christina waits for Burke to get out of his talk with the Chief. They shake hands and Burke leaves to talks to Christina.) CHRISTINA: It'll be okay. BURKE: Christina... CHRISTINA: Whatever happens. He cannot punish you. Every surgery we have done has been textbook. We haven't lost a single patient. We were flawless. BURKE: Christina� You were right the Chief does want Dr. Hahn to replace me as head of cardio. Richard's planning to retire. And he's recommending to the board that they name me, next chief of surgery. [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: This is good. This means George didn't say anything. BURKE: I'm going to be chief. CHRISTINA: And you didn't tell him anything about your tremor, right? BURKE: I'm going to be chief of surgery at Seattle Grace hospital. CHRISTINA: Why do you sound like that? BURKE: Because I'm going to be chief of surgery at Seattle Grace hospital! CHRISTINA: This is what you worked for. This is what you wanted. I can work harder...i can learn more procedures, whatever you need. BURKE: What? CHRISTINA: Now, nobody knows. I mean, the fact that George hasn't told chief doesn't mean that he wont. But we can deal with that. I'll talk to him-or you talk to him. And once you're chief, it won't matter, cause you'll be chief. This is good. Nobody will ever know. BURKE: I'll know. I can't be chief not now, not like this. Do you know how long I've wanted this? My entire career. And when I finally get it, there's blood on it. I had a tremor and I didn't say anything. It's unimaginable. It's unethical. I crossed the line. CHRISTINA: We crossed the line. Together. I crossed the line with you. BURKE: You dragged me across the line. You made us a team, you told Shepherd I was fine. You said "nobody has to know." I was out there on my own. You made us a team CHRISTINA: I did what you needed me to do. You were standing there looking at me telling me your whole life was your hands, if you couldn't operate, if you couldn't be Preston Burke. BURKE: That was your concern, not mine. CHRISTINA: No you put that on me. When you got shot, I walked away. And you just can't let go of that can you? Well I'm sticking now. I'm sticking. Do you know how scared I am every time we go into surgery? But I do it. BURKE: Do you know how scare I am every time we go into surgery? I don't just have to worry about my career now, I have to put yours on my back too. CHRISTINA: We are a team. BURKE: There is no team. There is only me, once again, making up for your emotional short comings. CHRISTINA: We shouldn't say any more. BURKE: No... we shouldn't. [SCENE_BREAK] MR. O'MALLEY: Oh look who's here! MRS. O'MALLEY: Oh look how wrinkled he is. Thank god I brought the travel iron. GEORGE: Mom what's going on? They paged me to your room, are you okay? MR. O'MALLEY: Fine. It's just that... GEORGE: What? MRS. O'MALLEY: Want me to? MR. O'MALLEY: No I'll do it. Here's the thing. We appreciate everything you've done for us. MRS. O'MALLEY: All the strings you pulled with Dr. Burke, and Dr. Hahn... MR. O'MALLEY: The last thing we want to do is cause trouble, 'cause we hear you've been under a lot of stress lately. MRS. O'MALLEY: First with you and Meredith and then with you and Callie. GEORGE: Izzie! IZZIE: I thought they knew. MR. O'MALLEY: We hope you won't be mad, but we rescheduled the surgery for tomorrow because... MRS. O'MALLEY: We're sticking with Dr. Burke. GEORGE: What did you say to them? MR. O'MALLEY: We asked her- GEORGE: I asked you to stay out of this. IZZIE: I just told them that Doc- GEORGE: Get out! IZZIE: What? MR. O'MALLEY: George...you don't talk like that to anyone. GEORGE: Dad! Did Dr. Stephens tell you that she's on probation because the last time she was allowed to interact with a patient, someone died? IZZIE: It was really nice to see both of you. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: You know the guy that caused the accident? The OR just cleared, you going to be able to scrub in with me? BURKE: Shepherd. DEREK: Burke What's going on? ALEX: Dr. Burke, we've got a pregnant woman in the pit with a traumatic cardiac tamponade. Piece of glass piercing her heart. Addison asked for you. DEREK: Well you can't do both surgeries at the same time. BURKE: No I can't. ALEX: Well she's bleeding like crazy. What do you want to do? DEREK: My guy can't wait much longer. BURKE: Dr. Hahn is here. Invite her to scrub in with you Dr. Shepherd. I'll take the lady with the glass in her heart. DEREK: Okay. BURKE: And Karev? Make sure Dr. Yang scrubs in with me. ALEX: Everybody gets a surgery except me. [SCENE_BREAK] CALLIE: We were broken up as in not together. GEORGE: I can't do this now. CALLIE: I slept with mark to get over you, and guess what? It didn't work. It was a mistake. I did not betray you George, I would never do that. GEORGE: I can't to this right now. [SCENE_BREAK] MRS. DICKERSON: Where are you taking her? BAILEY: She's having an operation. MRS. DICKERSON: Oh no. What's wrong with her? BAILEY: She has some bleeding in her chest. We need to operate. MRS. DICKERSON: I'm sorry Janelle. I'm so so sorry. JANELLE: It's okay Mrs. D. I'm going to be alright. BAILEY: Mrs. Dickerson, you should go back to your husbands room and wait there. MRS. DICKERSON: He's having surgery too. Everyone's having surgery. BAILEY: Go on up, the surgical team is waiting. Ma'am. Mrs, Dickerson: What did I do? How could I have done this BAILEY: Done what? Done what? MRS. DICKERSON: I knew my husband had trouble with his feet. My daughter came to town, she took away his keys. She took away his keys! BAILEY: You gave them back to him. MRS. DICKERSON: If I'd sided with my daughter, Larry would have felt so betrayed. He loves to drive. He didn't mean to hurt anyone. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. BAILEY: I'm so sorry. Listen come with me. MRS. DICKERSON: Why? BAILEY: I know that you didn't mean to hurt anyone. but we need to tell the police. Just trust me. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: It entered the right ventricle and went right through the septum. I'm going to need to place a pericardial patch. CHRISTINA: Shall I do a running whip stitch? BURKE: No, I've got it. CHRISTINA: I can do a McGoon. I've been practicing. BURKE: Dr. Yang, move to the other side of the table. CHRISTINA: Dr. Burke I apologize. I didn't mean to... BURKE: Move to the other side of the table. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] HAHN: Can I get some more lap pads? DEREK: How's it going down there Dr. Hahn? HAHN: Just groovy. They're all going to be so jealous back at Seattle Pres. DEREK: Why is that? HAHN: Scrubbing in with Derek Shepherd? The genious who saved Preston Burke when he almost got his arm shot off. Major Jealousy. DEREK: Did you hear that? I'm a genious. MEREDITH: Of course you are. HAHN: Damn it. I'm seeing a partial tear in his aorta. I'm going to have to enlarge the incision to get tot he aorta. Turn him on his back and redress. DEREK: His pressure's bottomed out. Can you get control down there? HAHN: I know, I know he's crashing, and this laceration's getting bigger by the second. DEREK: You need help? HAHN: I need four hands and I need everyone in here to help me turn him. DEREK: Page Thompson. MEREDITH: He's out. HAHN: Is Burke available? MEREDITH: He's in OR 3. DEREK: Run in there and see if they can spare him. HAHN: I need everyone to help me turn him. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: That's it. Start rewarming. Pledgelet 5-0 prolene. It's going to take about 10 minutes before the body warms up. Then we'll take her off bypass. CHRISTINA: Nice work Dr. Burke. BURKE: Thank you. MEREDITH: Dr. Burke? Dr. Hahn was repairing the trachea and found an aortic transection. We really need your help. CHRISTINA: What are you doing? BURKE: the heart can't come out of bypass for a while yet. I'll be back. CHRISTINA: Shall I come? BURKE: No. Stay here. (She goes after him.) CHRISTINA: Mer. Is it bad? What does she need him to do? MEREDITH: The guy's chest is a mess. She's juggling the trachea and aortic injuries. She just needs another pair of hands. CHRISTINA: He just repaired a hole in her heart. MEREDITH: I'm sure he can handle it.(she rushes down the hall) Christina! BURKE: Hey! Where do you think you're going? Get back in there. MEREDITH: What, do you think Burke can't operate without you. Oh my God, Christina. CHRISTINA: Shut up. MEREDITH: He can't operate without you. CHRISTINA: If you ever gave a crap about me, you will shut your mouth and go back in the OR. [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: There's a beat. It's beating. She's ready to come off bypass right? NURSE: She is. NURSE 2: Doctor Burke wanted me to tell you he's going to be longer than he thought. CHRISTINA: Longer than he thought? What's that mean? She could stroke out if she stays on any longer. What did he say? NURSE 2: You shouldn't worry, he'll be right back. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: Let's unclamp and see what we've got. (Meredith is concentrating on Burke's work.) DEREK: Brain's not interesting enough for you Dr. Grey? HAHN: I've still got a lot of bleeding. I'll place a partial occluding clamp. BURKE: 4-0 prolene. There. HAHN: Excellent work Dr. Burke. Thanks you. That should hold once you get a few more in there. DEREK: Focus, Dr. Grey, focus (She's still watching Burke as he clears his throat and pulls his hand out and stretches it. Derek turns to watch too.) DEREK: Everything okay Dr. Burke? BURKE: Everything's fine. DEREK: Dr. Grey? (He watched Burke work.) [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: It's been too long, she should come off bypass. NURSE: She should come off soon Dr. Yang. How do you want to proceed? CHRISTINA: I am not having this girl die of a stroke after all this. Page someone. Anyone who can help take her off bypass. (Burke comes back in.) CHRISTINA: What happened in there? BURKE: He's going to live. CHRISTINA: You were gone too long. She could stroke out any second. BURKE: Gather yourself Dr. Yang. Let's take her off bypass. Good. Good rhythm. Temperature is up. Okay let's get those lap pads. NURSE: Coming off bypass. BURKE: Stop protamine. Give her more volume. Arterial line is out. Nice keep going. Come on. There it is. NURSE: Heartbeat still strong. Nice work Dr. Burke. CHRISTINA: Oh so we just check everything and close BURKE: Wait... (The heart tears open and squirts blood all over Christina.) BURKE: She blew a stitch. She could have a tear in her heart. Give me the preledged 4-0 prolene. Put up two fresh units of blood. CHRISTINA: What do I do? Burke? BURKE: I have to repair the heart wall. CHRISTINA: Should I put on a clamp? BURKE: One moment. CHRISTINA: We don't have a moment. BURKE: Hold on. I need to put the cannulas back in so we can empty the heart again. She needs to go back on bypass. Reheparinize and give me the tubes. Her atrium is extremely viable. It can't hold a stitch CHRISTINA: What about a horizontal mattress. I can do it. BURKE: Dr. Yang. I don't need you for this. This is a known complication of the surgery. It happens. It happens. Restart bypass. BAILEY: I was paged, can I help? BURKE: I'm repairing the heart wall. I can use your help for a second attempt at coming off bypass. BAILEY: I'll go scrub in. BURKE: Load more 4-0 prolene and a new pericardial patch. (Christina runs down the hall, covered in blood, and straight into the chief's office.) CHIEF: Come in BURKE: Chief, we need to talk. CHIEF: Yes Dr. Burke, I think we do. (He turns around and there is Christina.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Chief is in his office yelling at Burke as Christina stands watching.) Dr. HAHN: You're lucky you know. CHRISTINA: What? HAHN: To study under Burke. If your little intern brain can retain any of what he teaches you, maybe you can become half the surgeon that he is. And that's pretty damn good. If you tell him I told you this... he'll never believe you. [SCENE_BREAK] ADDISON: Karev. ALEX: Dr. Montgomery. How's she doing? ADDISON: She made it through the surgery. So did the baby so...well it's like I said, kid's a fighter. ALEX: You think she'll call the guy? The dad? ADDISON: No. It takes more than a well-meaning speech to get a girl to make a commitment like that. I appretiate it though. Your take...it was surprising. ALEX: Surprising... ADDISON: Well for a Mark Sloan protege. ALEX: Lacky. I dabbed blood all day. ADDISON: You're a decent guy Alex. I'd hate to see Sloan beat that out of you. (They gaze into each other's eyes.) ADDISON: Anyway... ALEX: Yeah, thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK:I would've helped you if you'd told me. Burke? BURKE: I cannot. It's been a long day. And I just cannot. DEREK: I thought you were my friend. BURKE: I thought you were my surgeon. CHRISTINA: (narrating) In some ways, betrayal is inevitable. When our bodies betray us, surgery is often the key to recovery. When we betray each other, the path to recovery is less clear. (Chief stands looking at the full OR board. He'll never get to retire at this rate.) CHRISTINA: It was both our idea...to rob the bank. It was both of us. MEREDITH: I know. CHRISTINA: I just couldn't do it any more... MEREDITH: You did the right thing. CHRISTINA: Then how come I walked across the parking lot and realized I can't go home. Where am I supposed to go? [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: Hey. IZZIE: Hey. So Dr. Hahn? GEORGE: Yeah. He's my dad. And I'm scared and you of all people know what it's like to have someone you love in the hospital. IZZIE: No. You dont get to bring Denny up to me ever again. GEORGE: I'm sorry. IZZIE: Don't try to apologize right now. Not yet GEORGE: Okay IZZIE: Maybe tomorrow. GEORGE: Okay [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith and Derek lying in bed.) DEREK: You watched his hands all through surgery. You knew. MEREDITH: I can't say anything. There are things that Christina told me. She'd my friend. I can't say anything. DEREK: No. That's not how this works. How could you know what you know, or suspect it and not tell me? MEREDITH: You cleared him for surgery Derek. How did you not know? You can't be angry with me. She's my best friend. And right or wrong...she... DEREK: What? MEREDITH: She was there when you weren't. (He turns to face her, they share a moment of understanding and so much for that whole waiting for s*x thing.) Christina (narrating) We do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust. And then there are some wounds that are so deep, so profound, that there's no way to repair what was lost. And when that happens, there's nothing left to do but wait. (Christina arrives home to find Burke pacing in their room. She walks up to him, and he shuts the door.)
Plan: A: A traumatic car accident; Q: What event fills the emergency room? A: Seattle Presbyterian Hospital; Q: Where is Erica Hahn from? A: heart surgery; Q: What does Erica Hahn perform on George's father? A: Burke; Q: Who is shocked to see that Webber is considering replacing him with Dr. Hahn? A: Burke's condition; Q: What does George find out about his father? A: George's parents; Q: Who tasks Izzie with finding out why George had them change surgeon? A: Izzie; Q: Who did George's parents task with finding out why George had them change surgeons? A: Meredith; Q: Who figures out that Burke needs Cristina to operate? A: Cristina; Q: Who has a crisis of conscience about her deceptive teamwork with Burke? A: the Chief; Q: What position did Webber want to make Burke after he retired? A: Cardiothoracic Surgery; Q: What is Dr. Hahn's specialty? A: Seattle Grace Hospital; Q: Where is Dr. Hahn employed? A: his hand tremor; Q: What does Cristina confess to Burke about? A: the severe consequences; Q: What does Webber warn Burke about? A: George.; Q: Who does Callie try to rebuild her relationship with? A: Addison; Q: Who does Alex realize he may have feelings for? A: a pregnant woman; Q: What patient do Addison, Mark, and Alex work on together? Summary: A traumatic car accident which fills the emergency room has everyone challenged emotionally. George calls Erica Hahn from Seattle Presbyterian Hospital to perform heart surgery on his father after he finds out about Burke's condition. George's parents task Izzie with finding out why George had them change surgeon, but this only leads to George snapping at Izzie. Meredith figures out that Burke needs Cristina to operate. Cristina has a crisis of conscience about her deceptive teamwork with Burke, and turns to Webber. Burke is shocked to see that Webber is considering replacing him with Dr. Hahn as the Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, but eventually learns that Webber's plan was to make him Chief after his retirement. However, after Cristina confesses about his hand tremor, Webber is forced to warn him about the severe consequences he will have to face. Callie attempts to rebuild her relationship with George. Addison, Mark, and Alex work together on a pregnant woman, and Alex and Addison realize they may have feelings for each other.
[We open in Babylon, with a comic-book theme. The screen breaks into squares as we watch mostly naked men. The right side of the screen shows boxes of Justin drawing. Justin and Michael are watching the one good dancer in a neon green Speedo, and are using him as a model for Justin's drawing. The bartender tries to put a bottle of water down on Justin's drawing.] Michael: Wow, wow, it's too hot to be a coaster. Justin: That's the magic of Ectasy. Everybody looks good. Michael: He's practically a superhero. All he needs it's a spandex suit and he's ready to save the universe. Justin: There. How's that? Michael: He needs an insign on his chest. Justin: A lightning ball? Michael: An "E". [Justin draws a cape and adds an "E" to the chest.] Michael: And a mask, of course. Justin: Of course. Oh, and a cape? Michael: No, that's keeps him a so last century.He doesn't use his superpower, he's a super hero without one. Justin: How about paralyzing with radiate from his dark smell bedroom? Michael: Oh better yet, the deem materialize from the mega blast from his super shorts? Brian: What are you girls all giggly about? [He sees the drawing.] Brian: OK, no more drugs for you. Ted: How about another drink on me? Brian: What's the occasion? You're one million wank? Ted: Better. The nomination of the gay p0rn award. With they recognize for his standing achievement. Not other than werkatworks very own Fetch Dixon. Justin: You must tell Emmett. He will be so excited. Brian: It's always great of fun when you recognize for your hard work. Ted: He could better use it. I can't wait to read him this official letter. "Dear Mr.Schmidt. The Academy of Pornografic Art and Sciences is pleased to inform you..." [Ted finishes reading the letter to Emmett, who is appropriately in mourning.] Ted: "...that the Star of your pornsite, Fetch Dixon, has been nominated for the covered Crystal Dick Award as Internet "Newcumer of the Year." Well? Isn't this fanastic? [No reaction of Emmett. He lies on the sofa] Emmett: Yeah, it's very nice. Ted: "Nice"? Is not every day that someone get's nominated for a crystal dick. That's huge. Emmett: Suppose. Ted: OK, I tell you what. I hire a limo to drive us, OK? A really spectacular thing. Emmett: Thanks Teddy, but I don't feel much like celebrating. Ted: I know, but... it's the gay p0rn award! You know, you owe it to yourself to get out and have fun. Emmett: I don't know. Maybe if George were still here and enjoy that with me I consider this. Besides, I still had things to do. Like figure out what I say to his funeral. Ted: You plan on speaking? Emmett: Yeah. Everybody should know how wonderful he was. What we've shared. And more importently I still need to say goodbye. I don't really have the chance. Ted: Well, then you should. [Diner. Justin and Brian are playing footsie with a fork and a spoon when Michael walks in.] Michael: [looking to Brian] You look like sh1t. Brian: What about you? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: E-Man saved me. Justin: Jesus. You didn't keep that. Michael: You're kidding. It's fan- f*cking tastic! Justin: Must be the drugs talking. Michael: No, it's me and it got me thinking. Brian: That's always a dangerous sign. Michael: Do you mind if I have a conversation with your boyfriend? [Justin raises his eyebrows] After they killed Captain Astro people coming in my comic book store and looking for a gay superhero. You know, that take his place but it didn't exist. That's when he came to me. [to show Justin E-Man] Why waiting for someone else creating one when we can create him on ourselve? Justin: You mean we creating our own comic book? Michael: Why not? Brian: OK, it's time for your medication. Michael: People make their own films, they write books, and screenplays, so why is it so crazy? Justin: For one thing I don't know about comics. Michael: I do. It's my business. I've been reading comic books my entire life. I can over stories a million times. But I can't draw for sh1t. You can. Justin: That could be gotta cool. Michael: What do you say if we got together and brainstorms? Justin: Yeah, I guess we could go a try. Brian: Finally, you two boys will have something in common besides me. What a relief not to be the center of everyone's universe. [Michael and Justin smile and shake their heads. Michael flies the coaster over to Justin and hits him in the head. Justin pretends to die.] [Lindsay's leading Mel up to the attic, holding her hands around Mel's face so she can't see. Lindsay takes her hands off Mel's face.] Lindsay: OK, open your eyes. Mel: Wow, what I looking at? Lindsay: My new studio. Or at least how I'm imaginated. See, I marked how everything should stand. See, the shelves. Mel: Oh, is it the skyline? Lindsay: It'll gives this place a nice area, don't you think? Mel: I think it'll cost too much. Leda: [from downstair] Hey, anybody's here? Mel: In the attic! Lindsay: The studiooooo! I know money is an issue. That's why I've done my research and priced all the materials. Mel: What about the plumbers, electricians, carpenters, and skylight guys. Leda: Wow! Killer space. Lindsay: It's gonna be my new studio. Leda: Cool! Mel: Led', you know reno. Can you prize this? Leda: Well, if you use a contractor, my guesstimate it's been ten but by these days I say they always double your estimate. Mel: [whistles] Too sizeable. Leda: Unless of course I do it for you. Lindsay: Oh, you can't possible ask that. Leda: Who's asking? I offered. Mel: Yeah, it still costs to much. Leda: Beside I need a place to crush. Mel: And we have a couch. Leda: I have a roof over my head and in exchange you got your studio. Mel: Well, it sounds like the perfect solution... Lindsay: Except, as you know, our studio is a private, personal place. I like to be able to create by myself. So thank you for the offer, Leda, but no thanks. Mel: When we're gonna start to accidentally losing fingers? [Michael and Justin are trying to come up with the basic storyline for their superhero - in Brian's loft.] Justin: How about this? A young scientist is doing an experiement when he bits by radiation... Michael: ...radiation bug? Justin: Yah. Michael: That's Spider-Man. Justin: Oh. [Pause] King of the seas. He breeths under water... Michael: ...under water... That's Aquaman. Justin: Uh! OK, I got it... he send to earth by his parents when he's just a baby, right before his planets explodes. When he gets here he discovered he has some Superpower. Michael: You're kidding me? Justin: You think something. You said you have a million great ideas. Michael: Unfortunately they've all been thoughed of. Justin: Well, maybe we should just forget it. Michael: No, it'll come to us. Justin: We've been sitting here for hours. [Brian walks over to his treadmill.] Michael: You can't rush a brilliant idea. [They watch Brian start jogging on his treadmill.] Michael: [looks to Brian] Well, whatever the guy is, he hasn't have to be the standard superhero stereotype case. Justin: It's his mind that makes him sexy. Michael: It's his weird individual. Justin: That gives him courage. Michael: His uncompromising moral. Justin: That makes him strong! Michael: What if this guy is a cold-hearted ad exec by day... Justin: A defender of queers by night. Michael: Now all we need is a name. Justin: OK. [Brian gets mad at his Walkman and throws it across the room] Brian: f*ck this sh1t! Michael: The Fury? Justin: Pissed-Off Man. [The film speeds up on Brian running.] Michael: Rage. Justin: It's genius! [Michael writes the word "Rage" next to the drawing.] [Emmett is wandering through George's mansion. Workers are taking statues and things out of the place.] Butler: Mr.Honeycutt, please accept my most sincerious condolences. Emmett: Thank you, Jonathan and mine to you. I can't image how George manage up there without you. Butler: He's in far more capable hands now. I expect that you come to get your things. Emmett: Actually I prefer to do this for myself. I'll be in his room a last time. And I was kind of hoping to take a little of something to remember him. His red cardigan... Mrs.Schickle: Jonathan! Go get Mr. Schickle's sweater! [The butler leaves to get the sweater.] Emmett: I'm so sorry, Mrs.Schickle. I know losing George is a tremendious lost. Mrs.Schickle: I don't know how I'll manage to fill the void. Careful with that! That's very valuable. Emmett: I'm sure you find a way. Mrs.Schickle: Now, if you'll excuse me. There are so much I have to do. Emmett: I can imagine. I call when someone passed away my mom cooking for days. Mrs.Schickle: Cooking? Emmett: Well instead of making the funeral to a mourning occasion and tried to turned into a celebration of a beloved live. That's what I planed to do with George's services. Mrs.Schickle: Oh that's very sweet, but really it's not necessary. Emmett: It's necessary for me. Mrs.Schickle: Unfortunately it won't be time. You see, George was a very important man. There will be many prominent speakers tomorrow. CEO's, political and spiritual leaders. Oh, here is the sweater you're requested. Take it, along with your memories. I'm sure they'll give you great comfort. [Michael's shop is now filled with Justin's drawings.] Justin: I want him a different look, like no-one's ever seen. Michael: And different stories. You know, not that f*cking things in straight comics. Our guys are gay. They live in a gay world. Justin: He has gay s*x. Michael: And his superpower are to. Justin: So, what kind of stories? Michael: There was one story I'm thinking about but... Justin: What? Michael: Never mind. Justin: C'mon, tell me! We're partners now. We gotta share what in our minds. Michael: I was thinking that Rage save some other kid's life after his was bashed. [long pause] I told you that was a dumb idea. I never should have brought this up. Justin: I think it's a great idea. Michael: You do? [he nodds] I mean it's awfully personal. Justin: But best art usually really is. Besides, I wanna talk about it. The trouble is no-one would ever listen. They all pretend it didn't happen. Michael: Now, here is your chance. Justin: And it could be how Rage meets the love of his live. Michael: I though Rage didn't believe in love. Justin: We'll let him think that. [Brian is on his back, smoking in a blue light. Justin finally comes home late.] Justin: You're up? Brian: Well, again. And you're late. Touch after three. Justin: It doesn't count. I was with Michael. Brian: All f*cking night? Justin: Only 5 minutes. And the stuff he came up was amazing. It's like we share the same brain. Brian: You gotta mind if you has it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. What's that? Justin: This is research. Michael wants me to study the style of comics. Brian: Come over here. [Justin crawls into bed with Brian. They start kissing. The phone rings. Brian answers.] Brian: What?! Michael: Put Justin on. Quick! Brian: It's f*cking four in the morning. Michael: Creativity doesn't punch a time clock! Brian: Oh, my God, that is so profound. Can you hold on while I write it down? Justin: Are you a freak? Michael: I just got this idea that couldn't wait for. Justin: What? Tell me. Michael: There is those chiropractor... [Brian takes the phone and hangs up on Michael.] Brian: Night Mikey. Justin: That was important. Brian: So is this. [They go back to kissing. Justin turns over so that Brian can kiss down his back. Justin is snoring.] [Mel and Lindz attic. A tv screen. There is a how-to videotape.] TV: "I can't think of anything more rewarding and relaxing than renovating an old attic. And it's so simple. It just need a few tools and some well chosen materials. And in no time the empty space will do transformed into a cosing living area that sure to be one of your favourite places in the house. I know mine is. And most importantly it'll be [she snaps with her finger] a snap!" [Brian comes in the attic, where Mel and Lindz looking at the TV screen.] Brian: [points to tv] Who's this crazy bitch? Mel: It's a re-modeling video. Lindsay: The salesperson at the hardware store said to follow along and doing exactly what she does. Brian: Well then you already have f*cked up. Mel: Why's that? Brian: You don't wearing pearls. TV: "Let's measure our wood lengthwise." Brian: Excuse me, girls. That's the wrong way. Mel: What do you know? Brian: When it comes to measuring woods I'm an expert. [The girls turn the wood the other way and measure again.] Lindsay: See how easy this is? I told you we don't need Leda. Brian: Do I detect a note of jealously? Lindsay: Of Leda? [she's laughing.] Don't be ridiculous. Brian: Then why the f*ck you don't help you out? Mel: That's what I like to know. Lindsay: I already told you. We could do it on ourselves. [The lady on the screen cuts plywood with a powersaw.] TV: "There. See how easy the plywood cuts? A nice, clean egde. And never sort of wood to waste. I collect all the part in a store in the freezer. In the spring I mixed with fresh soil and have interesting and in expensive march for my garden." [Lindsay puts on her protective goggles and turns on the saw. She screams as the saw comes to life. She almost cuts Mel in half.] Brian: [shouts] What kind of a dyke are you? You can't even handle power tools. Lindsay: Go away and looking for Gus! Mel: You still has your legs. [The girl on the screen delivers the punch line.] TV: "It's a snap!" [George's service. A gentleman says nice things about George.] Speaksmen: George loved his city, he loved his company but most of all he loved his family. I reminded of a story that he and his devoted wife, Virginia, wants relate to me. One day came Franky from school to learn of the hungry children, victoms of an earthquike in south america. [Ted and Emmett are very, very late for the service and walk in talking.] Ted: [whispers] This is some event. Everybody of everybody's are here. Emmett: I do what I need to do. More reason I'm glad I came. Ted: Let's find a seat. Speaksmen: A family man who carry about familes, that what's George Schickle was all about. I for one will miss him deeply. [The Pastor speaks.] Pastor: It's obvious that this man not only broughed nurseband to the world... Ted: Go on. Now it's your chance. Just do it. [Emmett stands up and starts walking toward the front.] Emmett: I like to say something. [Mrs. Pickle motions for Security, and guards escort Emmett out.] Security: Sorry, sir. There is friends and family only. Emmett: I'm a friend. I'm more than a friend! Ted: Take your hands off of him! Minister: Would everybody raise for the 24 Psalm? [SCENE_BREAK] [Brian comes home and his loft in a complete shithouse mess. Michael and Justin have turned the house into a comic-book studio. There are papers everywhere -- hung up on clothesline, covering the floor, taped to the walls... everywhere.] Michael: [to Justin] Perfect. This looks just... Brian: Excuse me? Has anybody seen my f*cking floor? Justin: Uh-uh, don't get him mad. Michael: He'll use his telecinetic dead stare that my head exploded. Justin: Don't miss use our power to control the other. Brian: What I want is my loft. [he rips down one of the papers.] Michael: Don't touch that! Justin: Hey, this is our sequence. Don't walk that way. Brian: Well, how the hell I'm suppose to get to my bedroom? Michael: Go around. Brian: Uh-huh. [He doesn't] Michael: Hey! [The boys go back to planning their comic book. Michael's character's name is Zephyr.] Justin: Look, here is were Zephyr tries to stop Rage from using his head buds. Michael: You think Zephier could be taller, with bigger pecs. Justin: What for? Michael: Well, he's Rage's best friend. He should look almost as good. Justin: You've got it, Zeph. Brian: You know, speaking of pecs. It's Chest of Death night at Babylon. Michael: Mmmh-mmm. Justin: Okay. Brian: So, get ready. Justin: We got finished that first. Michael: We meet you there. Brian: Just remember, all work and no dick make Mikey and Sunshine dull boys. [Chest of Death contest.] Men: OK, we're down to our six finalists. Who's the man with the hottest pecs in Pittsburgh? Uh honey. Are this nipples or bathstops tappers? [All laughs.] Men: All right boys. C'mon, let's pick the one. [All cheers. The camera spins over to Ted and Emmett.] Emmett: To be thrown out like so much garbage. Ted: I know, I was there. Emmett: But those two, huge, brutal monsters! Ted: In other circumstances, it might've been hot. Emmett: I guess I'm never get to say my speech now. Ted: Say it to me. I'll listen. Emmett: Thanks Teddy. Wouldn't be the same. [Cut to Ben and Brian stand on the catwalk.] Ben: Something tells me we've been stood up. Brian: Over a comic book. Ben: More than just a comic book. There's nothing as sexual as the act of creation. When I'm writing and it's poring out of me that's what I'm really turned-on. Sometimes I even get hard on. Brian: Is this what they mean with a stroke of genius? Ben: It's the f*cking great orgasm what is. Brian: You're have your orgasms on books and I have mine with real men. Men: [on stage] Number five. Do you have anything you like to get off your chest? How about me? [the men are laughs and cheers] Ben: It's the same with Michael and Justin. What they sharing is most intense form of intimacy there is. Nothing. Not even the hottest f*ck in the world can come close. So, how's with another drink? Our boyfriends are cheating us. [The attic for the girls.] Lindsay: See? I told you we could do it. Mel: Yeah, we did it alright - some as. [It looks like maybe pieces of wood are just nailed to the walls in various places.] Lindsay: It's not so bad. After we plaster over to fix the few little imperfections won't even show. [She turns the videotape back on. It's time to install the new sink.] TV: "In starring your new place to be, a snap." Mel: Everything with this bitch is a snap. TV: "We're already attached it to the wall and it only took 20 minutes." Mel: Just seven hours and twenty minutes now." [Lindsay gets into position to set up the sink.] TV: "Let's conntect the sink to our pipes. Take your wrench and with a strong, circular motion twin the end of the pipe. Like so." Lindsay: Oh, can you help me out here? TV: "Now we attached our pipe - it's up next." [She causes a giant leak. Water sprays everywhere as the girls shriek and bicker with each other.] TV: "Be sure you turned off the water first or you have a disaster on your hands." Mel: Has you turn off the water? TV: "There! Now you have running water in your attic." [Brian has brought home two horny men to f*ck. They all hug and kiss in the doorway.] Brian: We're have our little contest of our own. Careful, don't step on anything... it's all in sequence. [he walks over to his bedroom singing] Rise and shine, Sunshine! [He sees Justin and Michael in his bed, fully clothed, Michael's left pinky threatening to come near Justin's thigh.] Brian: sh1t. [He goes back into the main room and kicks out his two tricks.] Brian: The party's over. Put your clothes on! Just get out, ok? GET OUT! GO! [Brian starts cussing, pulling the drawings down from the clothesline. He kicks papers. He pulls the drawings down and crumples them. He walks around destroying all of the drawings. Brian stops to pant for a second, then unzips his pants and pisses a neon yellow stream of urine all over a pile of drawings.] [Morning. Michael and Justin are snuggling in bed. They put their hands down to Justin's cock. Each thought the other was his boyfriend. Michael and Justin realize they fell asleep together.] Justin: What the f*ck...? Michael: I thoughed we were Ben. Justin: I thoughed you are Brian. Michael: I guess we're fall asleep. Justin: Brian? Michael? [Justin sees the damage first. Their stuff's been trashed. They are unhappy.] Michael: Holy sh1t. [Brian stares into his cup of black coffee. He's at the diner. Justin and Michael storm in, pissed off.] Michael: Did you do this? [Michael asks as he holds up a piece of paper.] Justin: Did you? Michael: Answer us! [He says nothing.] Justin: You are totally f*cked. Michael: How dare you piss on our work? [Debbie hears the word "piss".] Justin: Did you have any idea how many hours that we put into that? Michael: We want an explanation. Justin: Besides the fact that you've been the worlds biggest prick! [Brian says nothing and goes back to his paper.] Michael: Won't just sit there! Justin: Say something. Michael: C'mon. Let's go. One last thing. [he pushes the pee page over to Brian.] You're the one that's pathetic. [This time the boys really do leave. Debbie walks over with a pot of coffee, wearing a shirt that reads "Labia? I hardly even know ya." She slams the pot down beside Brian.] Brian: Give me a minute between rounds then and then you can go. Debbie: Article fourteen of the Supermom handbook says no kicking assholes when they're down. They might take away my halo. Brian: I'm not an asshole; I'm just drawn that way. Debbie: I'm sorry to disagree with you but this time the lightness were over... Brian: I thoughed you won't beat me up. Debbie: Let me finish. But I understand. Cause you're jealous. Brian: I don't do jealous. Jealous is for lesbians. Debbie: Then you'd better start liking pussy. Cause you're got a little green-eyed monster inside you and it's eaten your gut. Brian: You mean that's not your coffee? Debbie: I figured you had some smart idea that you feeling always. But you don't fool me. Cause if you didn't love them as much as you do you wouldn't give a sh1t that they're spending time together and sharing something you're not a part of. [Debbie yanks Brian's face over to force him to look at her.] Debbie: What you don't get is that they feel the same way about you. Even more so. [Debbie holds the pee paper up.] Debbie: They worship the way you've walked on, can't you see it? You're their f*cking hero. At least you were. [Emmett's eating from a jar of his dead boyfriend's pickles.] Ted: It's the Night of Nights. What everyone in these industrie counts and waited for all year. When the Granada Inn is transformed into an X-rated Xanadu. Then after the ceremonies there is the Governor's Ball. Every p0rn star were be there in person. Zack O'Toole, Rodger Morehead, Will Hardin. Only this this time you're one of them, Emmett. The possible newcomer of the year. Emmett: Pickle? Ted: You heard what I just said? Emmett: You know, when I put George's sweat on I feel if his arms are still around me. His smells is on it. The delicate combination of vanilla and dill. Ted: Emmett! George wouldn't be a hermit. Emmett: He was one... for years. Now I understand why. Ted: Listen to me. If you let those people get your pride they've won. It's more important ever that you get out and celebrate. Emmett: Celebrate what? That I whacked off on a website? Ted: You made a lot of people happy. Especially George. Emmett: Sorry, Teddy. Ted: OK, this is my last and my best plea. I let you win. I accept your Crystal Dick. I tell the world how proud I am of you. [Woody's. Justin and Michael are out having drinks.] Justin: f*cking asshole ruined everything. Michael: At least we backed everything up on your hard drive or else we'd really be f*cked. Justin: You all we do is to reprint and undercover a hundred dollar would that be cost. Michael: I send Brian the bill. You know how hard he can get when he's behavior. Justin: But we're doin' a comic book! Michael: Well, we did kinda exclude him. Justin: We were working. Michael: In his place, in his face. Last night we've been end in bed. Justin: It's not that we're f*cking. Michael: I guess even a superhero can morph into a jerk. Justin: Don't tell me you're forgive him. Michael: Who said that? Justin: I know you're functional history, you can forgive him everything. Michael: Well you're be happy to know even if I glad to punishment everything is filled. Justin: All this time I fooling myself, thinking he loves me. Michael: He does love. You saw his face this morning. We could have removed his teeth with pliers and he would have let us. Justin: Maybe we should have. He deserves it. Michael: Well we're know that Rage has a fatal weakness, and it's not kryptonite. [p0rn awards. Two p0rn stars deliver bad writing stiltedly.] Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome last year "Best Bottom in a Gang Bang" and three time nominate for the best "Jerk-Off So Long" Mike Thompson and Jason Cocks!" Mike: Well Jas, three times nominate for best Jerk-Off. You're up with this? Jason: I'm up with you, buff. Maybe this time I pulled it off. Mike: Don't pull that, you'll never win. Jason: Now, let's get the nominate. Mike: Nominate for the "Best Newcomer Of The Year"... Jason: Max Pullman. Mike: Harold Linch. Jason: Fetch Dixon. Mike: The jury harm. The winner is... Both: Fetch Dixon. [All cheers. Ted screams for joy. On stage.] Ted: All those years watching Jason Cocks, I can't believe I shake his hand. The hand! Oh my god. To be holding that Crystal Dick... such a thrill. No, I'm not Fetch Dixon. Well I'm here accepting for him tonight, because... [Emmett walkes up.] Emmett: Because... [the audience cheers] Because without you, Ted Schmidt, I would never be here tonight. [Applauds] Emmett: Thank you. This award means a lot to me, more than you ever know. If I hadn't been on JerkAtWork.net, I wouldn't have met the most wonderful man I've ever known, George Schickle. Men: Schickle's Pickles? Emmett: Um, I have this speech prepared... didn't think I get the chance to read it. To the world - George Schickle was a men of permanence and wealth. But to me he was just... George. Loving, factionate, a boy at hard who just wanted to love another boy. I was lucky enough to be that boy. I'd like to think I brought a little fun into his life, but what he gave me was so much more. Something all his money couldn't buy. He made me feel like I was somebody. [He folds up the paper] I love you, Georgie. What we had for a few short months was more than most people have in a lifetime. Thank you. [The crowd applauds as Ted comes up and hugs Emmett.] [Mel and Linds. Leda unpacks her clothes.] Leda: I'm glad you two came finally to your senses. If you made any more of a mess, I have to detonate instead of renovate. Mel: Aha. Lindsay: Ha-ha. Mel: We know, we know. We're really screwed up. Leda: Big time, babe. But it's not to late. Lindsay: So, how long do you think it'll would take to repair the damage? Leda: All depends on the triangle of expectation. You can have it fast and cheap but it won't be good. If you have it good and fast but that won't be cheap. Or you can have it cheap and good but it won't be fast. Mel: So with another words it'll take 'till the next months. Lindsay: Or Christmas, whatever comes first. Leda: But not to woory, ladies. You won't even know I'm here. [She turns on a boombox. Mel holds up a baby monitor.] Mel: Oh. Well, goodnight Led's. Leda: Good night. Lindsay: I'll be right up. [Mel leave the room.] I just wanna say how grateful I am your doin' this. And how happy I am you're here. Leda: You and me both. Otherwise I would be sleeping in the park. Lindsay: But I must admit I had my reservations. Leda: I know. But you don't have nothing to worry about. Mel loves you very much. Lindsay: Thanks. [Michael and Justin come home to the loft. All of their papers are back up and arranged, or reprinted.] Justin: What the f*ck? Michael: All things back. Brian: Careful boys. Don't step on anything. Michael: Alright Kinney, what's goin' on? Brian: I read your sh1t it's... f*cking good. And the artwork is... art. But that's the way I expect it. Justin: Don't try sweet-talk to accomplish that, bighead. Michael: Don't think just by putting everything back the way we're gonna forget. Justin: You owe us a apology. Michael: So start begging. Brian: I'm sorry. Justin: That's not good enough. Brian: What the f*ck do you want me to do? To grab it? Michael: Mean it! Brian: What I did was immature, childish, and addictive. It was an act of cruelty because of irrational fears and unfounded jealousy. If I were you I've never speak to me again. Justin: That's better. Michael: It's really good. So why you prefer when you were shameless and unapologetic? Brian: Now, here's the deal. Finish your work, built on my chin on a superhero for Christ sakes! And when you're done I built up a marketing campaign that every fag on internet would buy it. That if is you want me to. [Michael and Justin are look each other.] Michael: Deal. Justin: Deal. [Brian jams his shoulder into Justin's chest and they share a smile. The boys sit down as Brian stares at a drawing of Rage. He listens to the boys work, and stares at himself. Cut to a comic-book animation of Rage flying through Pittsburgh. He lands on top of Babylon.]
Plan: A: forces; Q: What do Michael and Justin join to create their own comic book? A: George; Q: Whose funeral is Emmett barred from speaking at? A: Lindsay enlist Leda; Q: Who does Melanie and Lindsay enlist to help renovate their attic? Summary: Michael and Justin join forces to create their own comic book. Emmett is barred from speaking at George's funeral. Melanie and Lindsay enlist Leda to help renovate their attic.
Oscar: [Dwight enters dressed as Recyclops] Not again. Dwight: Bow down before Recyclops. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: The next year he really stepped things up. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: A year after that Recylcops really began to take shape. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Recylops will drown you in your over-watered lawns. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing... I can't remember. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Recyclops will have his revenge. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I think this was also the year he renounced Earth Day and vowed to the destroy the planet he once loved. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh my God, you guys, look. It's Recyclops. Dwight: Recyclops destroys! [starts tearing through the office] Stanley: Oh, is today Recyclops Day? Dwight: Yes. Stanley: I thought you were killed by Polluticorn. Dwight: Polluticorn wishes. [starts spraying the office with something] Andy: That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment. Dwight: Humans are terrible for the environment. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: The thing I like most about Recyclops is that he's creating a different world for our child. Jim: Mmm. Pam: A world where you truly can be anything you want. Jim: God bless you, Recyclops. And your cold robot heart. [Dwight throws an aluminum can towards the recycling bin and misses] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [seated] Ok. Ok. How 'bout this? [rises, waves, sits back down] Pam: That's great. Michael: I want it to be better than 'Great', Pam. How 'bout I remain seated... and I just do a little bit of a nod. Sort of a humble thing. [demonstrates] Pam: Sure. Michael: Nope. Then my face is down. They can't see my face. Meredith: And it looks like you're taking a dump. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Alan Brand is the CEO of the company, if title's important to you, has personally invited moi to go to New York to the shareholder's meeting and sit up on the stage with the board of directors. And at some point they are going to introduce me as the most successful branch manager that they have. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd... and the crowd goes wild. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [doing an announcer voice] Ladies and gentlemen from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael 'The Machine' Scott. [Michael waves, twirls and sits down] Pam: Don't do the twirl. Phyllis: Lose the twirl. Dwight: The twirl sucks. Kevin: Michael, I hated the twirl. Andy: [still doing the voice & spinning in his chair] Hate the twirl! Michael: Ok. Obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave. Phyllis: Yeah, good. Don't do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am not going to do the twirl. Alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. I might do the spin. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there's no where to get it. Michael: Ok, Oscar, I don't need the whole enchilada just the bullet points. Oscar: Those are the bullet points. Michael: Well, could you condense it please? Oscar: That's as simple as I can make it. Erin: Michael? The limo's here for you. Michael: It's not a limo. It's a town car. Town cars are actually better, though. Better torque. Better handling. Erin: He said limousine, so... Kevin: [at window in conference room] Check it out, guys. There's a limo down here. [everyone heads to the conference room] Michael, look. Oh, man. Michael: They sent a limo. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Town cars suck. Town car is something that a company sends when they're in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case I think we are celebrating me. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [everyone is rushing down the stairs to see the limo] Oh, wait. Wait. Wow. Wow! Oh, no way. Look at that. Dwight: What kind of mileage does this baby get? Erin: It's like what high school kids take to prom on tv shows. Oscar: This is so typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh. Bunch of boobs. Michael: Hate to break it to you Oscar but some of us like boobs. Dwight: Calves. Calves all the way. Andy: I'm so jealous right now. Michael: Hey, you know who you should be jealous of? Yourself. Because you're invited and you're invited and you're invited and you and you and you and you and you and you- Limo Driver: Car seats eight. Michael: What? Limo Driver: The car seats eight. Michael: The limo seats eight. Ok. Then Jim and Pam and Ryan plus a guest. Jim & Pam: No thanks. Ryan: I'll use it when you're done. Michael: [others start raising their hands to be picked] Mmm... whoa. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in the limo with Dwight, Andy and Oscar] I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here. Andy: Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had s*x in here? Michael: Definitely. Dwight: Smells like it. Michael: Definitely. Look they got pillows. That. That's bigger than my bed. Dwight: Word. Andy: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Michael: [the limo driver raises the divider window] Who's playing with the button? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Ryan. Could you start consolidating all our Rolodex information into Outlook? Ryan: Uh, it doesn't seem like there's much of a point if the company's going under. Jim: But if the company doesn't go under then we'll finally have all our contacts in one program. Ryan: The company's probably going under, though. Jim: Could go either way. Ryan: Seems like it's leaning one way. Jim: Maybe we should just wait and find out. Ryan: Definitely. Jim: Ok. Ryan: So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff? Jim: Nah. Might as well do it now. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just gonna wave, or what? Michael: I will have to answer. Dwight: I'll ask you a question. Andy: Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park. Dwight: Michael Scott you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it? Michael: No, no. That's too hard. Say your name is Zamboni and then I will say, 'Well, we're sort of on thin ice.' [they all laugh] I won't say that. I'll something like that. Andy: This is your big day. Come on. Michael: Oh, my god. This is it. [SCENE_BREAK] Laurie: Mr. Scott? Michael: Yes. Laurie: I'm Laurie. Michael: Oh, hi. Laurie: Thank you for joining us. Come with me. Michael: Well, thank you and, and please call - continue to call me Mr. Scott. Laurie: Ok. If you just want to follow me I'll take you up to the lounge. Michael: Well, I guess this is as far as I can take you guys. So - Andy: Kay. Dwight: Good luck, Michael. Michael: See you later. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [walking past bodyguards at the door] Officers. Thank you. Laurie: After you, Mr. Scott. Michael: Thank you. David: Michael. Michael: Hello. David: So glad you could make it. Michael: Thank you. David: How was the ride? Michael: Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime. David: I'm glad. I want to introduce you to everyone. First we'll start with Alan Brand. Alan? CEO. Michael Scott, Branch manager, Scranton. Alan: It's nice to meet you, Michael. Michael: It's nice to meet you, too. It's an honor and a privilege. David: Seated, we have the former congressman, Chris O'Keefe. Michael: Ah. [bows] Your eminence. [SCENE_BREAK] Registrar: For those of you with questions, please line up behind one of the four microphones that have been placed in the aisles. Dwight: Coming through. Che, che, che, che, che, che. [spots microphone and gets in line, sees an empty mic and attempts to get there first] Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. [a line appears from nowhere] Ah. Damn it. [ heads back to the original line which is now even longer] Wha- okay [grunts] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I was hoping to lob Michael his softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district, pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Can you believe this? The money they spent on this convention hall. [finding a seat] Excuse me, miss. I just want to take the stupid board of directors by their necks. This is so simple. Andy: Yeah. Well, you should do that. Get in line. Oscar: Oh, what a great idea and lose my job. No thank you. Andy: Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during the - America's biggest financial crisis? Dwight: How is he gonna have grandkids? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You guys ever protect the president? Security: No. Michael: What about Madonna? Or Obama twins? Anybody famous? Security: Not supposed to talk about it. Nelly Furtado. Alan: Alright, guys. You ready? Michael: Rock and roll. [they walk into convention room and are booed by everyone] [SCENE_BREAK] Alan: Dunder Mifflin is still a strong company. We are poised to come through this more streamlined and profitable than ever. [boos from the crowd] Michael: [to David] This is not as much fun as I thought it would be. David: It was fun when we weren't on the brink of bankruptcy. Michael: [accidentally into his microphone] We're going bankrupt, you think? [angry jeering from the crowd] They are really angry. Alan: The shareholders need to empower our leadership - [SCENE_BREAK] Woman in line: I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Will you save my place? Man in line: Sure. Dwight: No. You will not. Woman in line: Excuse me? Dwight: Oh, I'm sorry. Were you raised in a household with no consequences? Woman in line: It'll just be a second. Dwight: Oh. If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest. [SCENE_BREAK] Alan: ... and we're confident. There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin's future and one of them is here with us today. Michael Scott, Scranton Branch manager. Dwight: [loudly applauds] Yes. Alan: In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. [scattered applause] Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste pulp re-purposing plant in Milford. [applause] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Phyllis. Are you just getting back from lunch now? Phyllis: Bob took me to Capello's. We got a little tipsy. Jim: Ok. You shouldn't be telling me that stuff and also shouldn't be taking two hour lunches without telling me. Phyllis: Oh, it's ok. Michael doesn't really care about these things. Jim: I care about them and I'm just as much of a boss as Michael. [Stanley laughs] What's so funny? I'm a co-manager. Stanley: That doesn't make you a boss. Phyllis: It's not like you can fire people or anything. Jim: Well - who? How did you? Who, who told you this? Phyllis: Ryan. Stanley: Can't say. Phyllis: Sorry. Plastered. Jim: Ok. Who else has heard the rumor that I am not as much in charge as Michael? [everyone raises there hands - including Pam] Pam: Stuff gets around. I don't participate. Jim: Who here heard it from Ryan? Kevin: Does and email count? Jim: Yes. Kevin: Yeah. [everyone raises hands again] Jim: I am just as much of a boss as Michael and I can do anything that Michael can do. Alright? Who here believes that I have as much power as Michael? [Pam, after a moment, is the only one who raises her hand] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I forgot I have to support him no matter what. Close one. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: These questions are bush league. Andy: You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. [points to Oscar's heart] Don't be a wuss. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose . [SCENE_BREAK] David: [over the crowd booing] Believe me everyone is working very hard, working weekends, struggling, trying to right the ship. Shareholder: You're a criminal. Michael: Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry. These are not criminals. They are nice. They invited me to come here today. They invited me to their hospitality suite where I had free food and it was delicious. Get this. Know how nice they are? The sent a stretch limo all the way to pick me up in Scranton. That's - Female Shareholder: Limousine? Michael: Yes. Second Shareholder: You're all corrupt. You should be in jail. [crowd agrees] Alan: Quiet! Quiet, please! Please, quiet! Quiet, please. We want to hear your questions. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Do you love her or do you love the idea of her? Creed: I don't know, man. I just don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him? Pam: Can you actually fire people? Jim: To be honest, I don't know, but maybe I could just yell at him in front of people. Pam: Well, I can't really imagine you yelling at anyone. Jim: Oh, well I yell. You've heard me yell. Pam: Oh. Ok. I've heard you exclaim. Like the time you said, 'Hey, look. We parked over here!'. Jim: Well, that was apple-picking day and there's no need to yell that day, you know. I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day. Pam: Well, you'll figure it out. [SCENE_BREAK] Alan: Ok. We're gonna take a 15 minute break and then we're gonna answer more questions. Third Shareholder: You haven't said anything yet and we're headed for bankruptcy. [crowd agrees] Michael: [board of directors has started to exit] Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. We'll be back with some answers. [a few murmurs from the crowd of 'What answers?'] I - ok. I know that you're mad at me and you're mad at all them - Fourth Shareholder: How are you gonna fix the company? Michael: Ok. Alright. We are gonna - we're gonna go out there during this break and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a 45 day plan. 45 days to get us back on track. [crowd starts to agree and perk up] 45 points. It's a 45 day/45 point. One point per day. We get the 45 points we are back in business. [crowd applauds] And you can take that to the bank. [applause continue] And Limo Lady, we are going completely carbon neutral. [crowd has gotten very excited and is cheering] I love you, New York! [Michael does the spin and leaves the stage - then runs back across the stage] You. You. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Ryan. How's it going? Ryan: [playing Tetris on his computer] Here's the thing. Um, I've tried it like five different ways in my head and - Oh, got one. Um, I'm such a perfectionist... Jim: Mmm-hmm. Ryan: That I'd kinda rather not do it all then do a crappy version. Jim: Simple data entry, though. So there's really only one way to do it. Ryan: Sounds like you have a really specific vision for it. Do you wanna maybe just take a whack at it? Jim: You know what? Ryan: What? Jim: I think I know the problem. Ryan: Great. Jim: I think you seem distracted. Ryan: Yep, that is a problem. Jim: But, you know what? I came up with something and I think it's really gonna help. Ryan: Well, I'm glad you're finally being proactive, Jim. Jim: I am, too. Let me show you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Wow. Things are really picking up. O'Keefe: What was that about? Michael: What? Alan: You were supposed to wave. Michael: I did wave. I did a lot more than wave. David: What are we supposed to tell them now? Ok? You've dug us quite a hole. Michael: We tell them the plan, right? David: There is no plan. Michael: Here's what we're gonna do. The 45 day thing that I outlined, we go with that. Day 45, company saved. Day 44, go. What do we got? We have 15 minutes. O'Keefe: Excuse me? Michael: Just whatever comes to mind. Shout it out. O'Keefe: Who the hell is this guy? Michael: I am the guy who roused that crowd. David: Yes. Michael: Got them on their feet. David: Yes. Michael: They were so happy down there. David: Yes. Alan: Who cares? Michael: Ok. Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy. He is a math whiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bull fighting and I am going to call in a little favor. David: No. No. No. No. No. No. Don't call anybody, Michael. Michael: Well, I'm texting him, so. David: Please do not text anybody, now, Michael. Michael: It's done. [Oscar, sitting in the lobby, receives a text] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh. There he is. Come on in. Come on in. Gentleman, I would like you to meet Oscar. Come on in. Don't be shy. This is Oscar Martinez. Oscar, why don't you come over here. Let me present you. Step up. Step up there. Oscar is an accountant extraordinaire at the Scranton branch and he has a wonderful idea as to how to get us out of this murky, murky situation. Take it away. [Oscar stands there stunned] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I think this is really gonna help. If you could just hold up here one second. [addresses the whole office] Hey, guys. Quick announcement. If I could just have everyone's attention. [turns back to Ryan] I just figured you needed a place where you can concentrate and not be bothered by bothering people. Ryan: Mmm-hmm. Jim: Let me show you what I mean. [Jim opens the closet door to reveal a work station] Your new office. How great is that, right? For a job well done. Well, not done. Ryan: I will, uh, I will do my work right now. I will stay late tonight. Jim: Right. Ryan: Uh, I'm very sorry... about everything. Jim: [laughs] You're a good kid. You know what? It gets bigger once you're in there. Enjoy it. [shuts the door and walks to his office] Ryan: [from behind the door] Is there internet? [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Ummm... Michael: Tell them what you told me. This is genius. Oscar: Ok Michael: Tell them about the cash flow and the dumping of properties and - this is all - Oscar: Um.. Michael: It's all good. It's all good stuff. Lay it on them. Oscar: I feel, as does Mr. Scott, that we are in the best of hands. Capable hands. Michael: That wasn't what you were saying to me. He was much more articulate and that was better. Much better. Oscar: I think this has gone very well and I thank you. Michael: O-kay. Oh... hey, hey. [follows Oscar into the hall] What are you doing? Oscar: Michael, I didn't ask to come up here. Michael: Wow, man. That - Oscar: What? Michael: That was embarrassing. Oscar: For me. Michael: For me, too. You embarrassed me. Oscar: You -[Oscar walks away, Michael goes back in the room] Michael: Well, that was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan so I'm thinking I go down there. Maybe rattle off a few jokes. Congressman could follow. O'Keefe: He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron? Michael: Uh, I'm not a moron. Time after time my branch leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards. So, I am not a moron and I am just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [zipping through the hall while texting] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yes it is a thrill to be honored by one's company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, 'Wow. Great job.' That is what it is all about. Not the perks. Perks? The perks. I could take or leave the perks. Limos are for people who make the company money not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early. After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate. [SCENE_BREAK] O'Keefe: He can take the bus. He's had his limo ride. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [running out of the building with Oscar, Andy, and Dwight] Oscar! Oscar! Come on! There he is! There he is! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Scranton! Scranton! Scranton! Dunder Mifflin! [SCENE_BREAK] Alan: The gentleman in the, uh, glasses. Dwight: Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just want to say that I have been standing in this line all day and if this line is any indication of how this company is being run then we are in big trouble. [cheers from crowd] Thank you. Right. I know. And I just want to say that I believe that there are options out there. [crowd still applauding] A take a number option like they have in a deli. What about line varieties? Like an express line for quick comments of ten words or less. They can move much more efficiently. What about ropes along the lines that you can hold on to. Alan: Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions. Dwight: Yeah.
Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who is excited when he's invited by David Wallace to attend the Dunder Mifflin shareholder meeting in New York? A: the hostile crowd; Q: What causes Michael to cause trouble with the board of directors? A: Jim; Q: Who is frustrated by Ryan's refusal to do work? A: the staff; Q: Who does Jim make an example of Ryan in front of? A: a hired limousine; Q: What do Michael, Dwight and Oscar leave New York in? A: a news ticker; Q: What shows a steep drop in Dunder Mifflin's stock price? Summary: Michael is excited when he's invited by David Wallace to attend the Dunder Mifflin shareholder meeting in New York; he is dismayed by the hostile crowd and causes the board of directors even more trouble. Jim finds he is being undermined by Ryan who refuses to do work, so Jim decides to make an example of him in front of the staff. As Michael, Dwight and Oscar leave New York in a hired limousine, a news ticker shows a steep drop in Dunder Mifflin's stock price.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (The dice rolls out onto the coffee table.) Carmen Davis: She-bang! (Carmen Davis is playing with a young blonde-haired boy who sits on the couch looking very bored. She holds a glass of wine as she plays the game.) Carmen Davis: That's pretty cool, right? Evan Michaels: (nods) Mm-hmm. Carmen Davis: That doesn't happen very often, you know. Evan Michaels: I know. (She totals the points.) Carmen Davis: You won. You beat me! Evan Michaels: (unenthusiastic) Uh-huh. (She puts her glass down on the table and gathers the dice.) Carmen Davis: You want to play again? (She shakes the container. He shakes his head. The dice rattle. She sighs.) Carmen Davis: Fine. (She picks up her wine glass.) Carmen Davis: Whatever. (She gives him the television remote.) Carmen Davis: Knock yourself out. (Carmen gets up and heads down the hallway. Evan turns the television set on to watch cartoons.) (Carmen closes the bathroom door.) [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE -- BATHROOM - NIGHT] (The bathtub water runs. Carmen drops the towel wrapped around her, turns the water off and climbs into the bathtub. She sighs and settles back to enjoy her bath. She has candles lit on the sink, shelves and windowsill, and she has her glass of wine with her.) (The small apartment starts to quiver and shake, the bottles on the sink rattle as the nearby train passes by. But Carmen is used to this. She continues with her bath and sips from her wine glass.) (Then, she hears a loud thud coming from outside. She puts her wine glass down on the bathroom sink. She looks at the door.) Carmen Davis: Evan? Evan. (She hears a sound coming from the other side of the door.) (She sees the doorknob turn and open. A bloodied hand pushes the door open.) (The train horn blows.) (She screams.) (The door is pushed open and a man carrying a hammer walks in. He hits her over and over and over again; blood spatters everywhere - on the sink, on the wall, on the tub.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET OUTSIDE DAVIS RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (The CSI SUV turns the corner and pulls up along the curb. Grissom gets out of the car and appears puzzled by what he sees - David Phillips and the other coroner are leaning against the gurney on the sidewalk.) (He heads for the house.) [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Grissom peers into the house. He sees the body of the little boy on the living room floor, face down. Apparently, nothing has been done yet. Grissom walks up to the body. Greg is kneeling next to the boy. He looks at Grissom.) Grissom: How long have you been here? Greg: About six hours. (Grissom turns and heads for the bathroom at the end of the hall where Carmen's body is on the floor. She is covered with a towel.) (He turns when he hears a camera snap. Catherine is taking photos in the bedroom.) Grissom: Why haven't these bodies been released? Catherine: Good question. David was in Henderson on another call, so, when Greg and I got here, we just started processing the house. (Catherine walks over to him.) Catherine: Found the victim in the bathroom, covered with a towel. We got a plastic print on the bathroom door. It's the strongest piece of evidence -- I photographed it and transmitted the image back to the lab; Mandy got a hit to an unknown palm; case info was in ViCAP. And then, Dispatch called, telling me to stop processing immediately, by order of the FBI. Grissom: The FBI field office is right next to the Strip. What's taking them so long? Catherine: Oh, beats the hell out of me. (The small apartment starts to quiver and shake, the bottles on the sink rattle as the nearby train approaches. Overhead, they hear the sounds of a helicopter rotor. Catherine and Grissom look at each other.) [EXT. STREET OUTSIDE DAVIS RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (The FBI helicopter, #N67TV, approaches and lands near the house. Brass walks over. Jack Malone gets out of the helicopter and they shake hands.) Jack: Jack Malone, FBI. Brass: Jim Brass. (They head for the house.) Jack: I'm based in New York, but I was testifying in a case in San Francisco. When I heard about the ViCAP hit, I got here as fast as I could. Brass: Chopper from the Strip? That's nice. That's my tax dollars at work? Jack: You get a positive ID on the boy? Brass: No, but we have an ID on the female -- name is Carmen Davis. According to neighbors, she lives alone. Apparently no kids of her own. But if I find anything out, I'll let you know. Jack: Thank you. (Brass leaves. Jack motions for David Phillips and the other coroner.) Jack: You're up. (David takes his kit and follows him inside.) [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Jack enters the residence. He sees Greg with his camera.) Jack: (to Greg) You -- you get enough photos? Greg: Definitely. (Catherine and Grissom are there as well.) Jack: (to David) Roll the body over. (David rolls the little boy's body over so that Jack can see his face. Jack is quiet. He sighs.) Grissom: What's going on? Jack: Jack Malone, FBI, New York City. (Jack hands Catherine a photo.) Jack: This boy was kidnapped from his babysitter's apartment six years ago. Babysitter was killed. The only evidence at the crime scene was a bloody palm print. Catherine: Well, there may be a resemblance, but kids change a lot in six years. Jack: Mm-hmm. Grissom: DNA will tell us if this is your kid. But it does look like your killer came to Vegas. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (David Phillips goes over the body.) David Phillips: Based on levidity and rigor, TOD is roughly 24 hours ago. And he's got perimortem bruising on the back of the neck. And a single sharp-force injury to the forehead. (Grissom notices the blood on the table.) ECU - THE TABLE CORNER (There are blonde hairs stuck to the blood on the corner.) BACK TO SCENE Grissom: Looks like he hit his head on the table. Jack: Or somebody slammed it against the table. Grissom: Well, we don't know that yet. Catherine: Agent Malone, why don't I fill you in on what else we do know. There are no signs anywhere that the boy actually lived here. The sleeping bag on the couch indicates that he was probably a house guest. Why don't you follow me into the kitchen. (Catherine heads for the kitchen. Jack looks at David.) Jack: Let me know when you're ready to transport the body. David Phillips: Yes, sir. (Jack follows Catherine into the kitchen. Grissom looks at the little boy.) ECU - THE COLLAR (There is a fine white powder on the collar.) BACK TO SCENE (Grissom tape-lifts the powder and looks at it.) [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - KITCHEN -- NIGHT] (Greg is looking through a wallet at the kitchen table when Catherine and Jack join him.) Catherine: Bring us up to speed, Greg. Greg: Okay, sure. Um ... Carmen Davis's keys were still in her purse; the car's outside. No cash in the wallet, and the credit cards have been removed and neatly stacked on the table; it appears as though they've been wiped clean. The killer was smart enough not to take anything that could be traced. Catherine: Which suggests that he was an experienced criminal. What do you know about this guy? Jack: Including everything you just told me? Everything you just told me. Six years ago, the killer took the murder weapon with him. It was a baseball bat that he found in the apartment. Catherine: Well, this time, we think it's hammer. [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BATHROOM -- NIGHT] (Catherine shows Jack the wounds on Carmen's head.) Catherine: The round indentation wounds are consistent with hammer blows. Do you see any similarities between this victim and the babysitter who was killed six years ago? Jack: Just that they were both bludgeoned to death. The babysitter was a lot older, and she wasn't covered. Catherine: Covering a body usually indicates remorse on the part of the killer. Jack: So you think he felt remorseful about this victim and not the one from six years ago? Catherine: Maybe he knew Carmen Davis. There's three toothbrushes, two of them in travel cases. My guess: the killer was staying here with the little boy. There was no sign of forced entry. David Phillips: (o.s.) Agent Malone? (Jack turns and looks at the coroners.) David Phillips: We're read to take the boy out. Jack: Okay. (He turns back to Catherine.) Catherine: So, I assume we'll be sending over the case evidence to Quantico? Jack: We can't process the evidence from every case we're involved in. We have a massive overload already. This will be joint jurisdiction. You do your thing, I'll do mine. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - MORNING] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Catherine walks into Autopsy. Robbins fills her in on his findings.) Robbins: COD is multiple blunt-force trauma. Based on the development of the contusions, it appears the blow to the back of the skull was the first impact, but the ones on the face came about half-hour later. Catherine: Half an hour? Robbins: Yeah. Catherine: Was she raped? Robbins: Yeah. I ... uh ... did a wet mount, found semen in the vaginal vault, and I collected an SAE kit. (He hands her the kit.) Robbins: This guy is some piece of work. Catherine: (nods) I'll get it to DNA. (Catherine heads out.) WHITE FLASH TO: VARIOUS FLASHES OF THE LITTLE BOY'S BODY [INT. CSI - AUTOPSY - DAY] (Grissom is using a magnifying glass to look over the body. Jack is standing in the back of the room.) Grissom: No birthmarks. Jack: Our missing boy didn't have any, either. Grissom: So the only way to confirm the identity ... Jack: (interrupts) I've had the original DNA report electronically sent to your lab. Grissom: Well, then you'll just have to wait for your answer. (Grissom turns around.) You know, maybe now would be a good time for you to brief us on the original case. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. BABYSITTER'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] Jack: (V.O.) His name was Jason Taylor. (The babysitter and Jason Taylor sit on the couch and watch television.) (The sound of glass breaking startles them.) Jack: (V.O.) He was at his babysitter's apartment. (Someone outside opens a window.) (The babysitter and Jason get up.) Jack: (V.O.) He'd been home sick from school. (The intruder climbs into the apartment.) Jack: (V.O.) That's when it happened. (The intruder grabs a baseball bat leaning against the side of the wall.) (CUT TO: The babysitter falls to the floor, her head bleeding.) (The intruder carries Jason Taylor with him out the window. He keeps the bloodied bat.) (CUT TO: Jack enters the apartment with the officers processing the scene. He looks at the body on the floor. He looks at the open window. There's a bloodied palm print on the outside of the living room window frame.) Jack: (V.O.) An unidentified male entered, most likely through an open window on the fire escape, murdered the babysitter and took Jason with him. BACK TO SCENE. [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM] (Jack is talking with Nick, Warrick, Catherine and Grissom.) Jack: Uh, we never got a decent description of the perp. Nick: Nothing was stolen? Jack: Cash was still in the babysitter's purse; the only thing missing was a baseball bat. Warrick: Which, based on her wounds, you figure that was the murder weapon? Jack: Mm-hmm. Nick: Baseball bat there, hammer here-- weapons of convenience. Guy seems to grab whatever's handy. Catherine: And takes it with him. (to Jack) Was the babysitter raped? Jack: No. Nick: Why kidnap a kid, wait six years, then kill him? Catherine: Most four-year-olds will do what you tell them. Most ten-year-olds will do what they want. Warrick: Kid starts asking the wrong questions, talking to the wrong people ... tons of possibilities. Jack: Yes. Way too many. Nick: According to this, the kid was adopted. Did you take a look at the biological parents? Jack: Jason was adopted as an infant. Uh, there was no way we could track his records. Warrick: Adoptive parents had no contact with the kidnappers? They were not given any ransom demands? Jack: There was no motive. I couldn't even give the parents a reason. Grissom: Maybe there isn't one. Jack: Most children are abducted by somebody who's associated with the family. Random kidnappings are extraordinarily rare. Grissom: Except in the US last year, there were almost a hundred. Some things are just random. Jack: Have you ever tried telling that to the parents of a child who's been kidnapped? Grissom: Yes, actually, I have. Jack: And how'd that work out for you? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (Wendy is processing the samples.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Greg walks out of the bedroom and heads for the living room. Nick is in the living room while Warrick is looking around the kitchen.) Greg: Hey, guys. I found an empty jewelry box in the bedroom. Maybe the killer swiped the jewelry in addition to the cash. Easy to fence in this neighborhood. (Nick picks up a framed photo.) Nick: Was the dead girl wearing any jewelry when you found her? Greg: Nope. Nick: Then that's a good call, man, 'cause she's wearing some in just about every one of these pictures. (Warrick is looking at a printout for a POKER TOURNAMENT at PLANET HOLLYWOOD.) Nick: I wouldn't doubt if she kept a lot of it in that box. I'll check with the local pawnshops, see if anything's been hocked. (Warrick checks the computer and finds it on a poker game.) Warrick: Hey, Greg, you see any books on the shelf over there on gambling or poker? Greg: No, just a lot of romance novels, mysteries and women's health. Warrick: 'Cause I got poker player stats, and multiple websites on online gambling. Seems kind of out of place to be the victim's. I think we got a mystery houseguest who is a card shark. (The number highlighted and circled on the poker sheet print-out is 273.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (The Planet Hollywood Hotel.) [INT. PLANET HOLLYWOOD - GAME FLOOR - NIGHT] (A poker table. The dealer shuffles and deals out the cards to the various players. Warrick, Jack and a couple of officers walk in. They look around the room, which is set up with many poker tables. They spread out between tables looking for player #273.) Announcer: (over speakers) Ladies and gentlemen, the first of the elimination rounds for our money poker tournament are over and we're down to our last one hundred players. Congratulations to all and good luck. (As they walk through the tables, they look for the player #273.) (Player 273 wears a dark jacket and sits at the table. Warrick sees him. Player 273 sees Warrick. He gets up and runs.) Warrick: Got him! (Warrick and the officers chase after him. Jack heads him off.) (Player 273 reaches the slot machines and runs, making his way to the exit. Suddenly, Jack steps out in front of him and elbows him in the face. Player 273 goes down with a thud.) Player 273: Ugh. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Warrick takes Tom Michael's fingerprints.) Tom Michaels: You know what this is? Huh? This is police brutality. Warrick: Yeah, whatever. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM -- DAY] (Warrick hands Tom Michaels a tissue. In the observation room, Brass and Jack watch them inside the interview room.) Warrick: (through speaker) We're not done yet. Brass: Well, he doesn't look like much, but then again, they never do. Jack: If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to him first. Brass: You don't have to be polite, Jack. This is a federal case; you don't need my permission. (In the interview room, Warrick rolls some ink on Tom Michael's palm. Brass: How you going to go at him? Jack: I don't know. I usually just make it up as I go along. (Jack leaves the observation room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (The door opens and Jack walks in. Warrick takes his things and heads out.) Warrick: All done here. Jack: Thank you. (to the officer at the door) You can leave, too. (Warrick and the officer leave the room. Jack closes the door.) Jack: Mr. Michaels. Jack Malone, FBI. (Jack puts the file folder down on the table.) Tom Michaels: Huh. FBI. (Jack sits down.) Jack: Mm-hmm. Why'd you run back there? Tom Michaels: Oh, I don't know. I was scared, I guess. Jack: Of what? Tom Michaels: (flippantly) Um ... of getting caught, being embarrassed. Jack: Right. So it's probably a good idea not to do anything that would embarrass you. Tom Michaels: Yeah, I know. But you never really think you're going to get caught, do you? Jack: Yeah, but you did. You want to talk about it? I got nowhere I have to be. And you got nowhere to go. Tom Michaels: (sighs) I don't know what the big deal is. I mean ... we've all thought about it, right? Jack: Sure. It's natural. Tom Michaels: Right. I had a plan. It was simple. I take it ... I play with it for a little while ... Jack: "It"? Like it's property? Tom Michaels: Yeah, yeah, it's nothing personal. I didn't even think Brother Willard would even miss it. Jack: Brother Willard? You want to talk to me about Brother Willard? Tom Michaels: (sighs) Oh, Brother Willard is my spiritual advisor. He's supposed to talk me out of doing things like this. But you know what? Sometimes I just ... I just feel like listening to that little voice inside my head. Jack: Hmm. Right. (Jack stands up and walks around the table. He leans in close to Tom's ear.) Jack: And what is that little voice inside your head telling you right now? Tom Michaels: Just take it. (Jack slaps Tom's shoulder. He sits down.) Jack: "Just take it." This is not the first time that you've taken something that doesn't belong to you, is it? Tom Michaels: What do you mean? Jack: Six years ago, in New York City. Tom Michaels: I don't know anything about New York. Jack: Six years ago, in New York City, you took something that didn't belong to you. Tom Michaels: I don't know anything about New York. Look, I told you -- I was going to give it back. Really, I just had some bad luck. (Jack stands and grabs Tom's shoulder, pushing him down onto the table.) Jack: Is that what you call it?! You abducted and murdered a four-year-old boy! (Brass walks into the room.) Tom Michaels: (shouts) I don't know what you're talking about! (Jack knocks the file folder off the table. The crime scene photos spill out onto the floor.) Jack: Just bad luck?! (Brass reaches Jack.) Brass: Let him go. Look, you want to rendition him to Gitmo, be my guest, but in this house, we play by the rules. Now get your hand off the suspect. (Jack lets Tom Michaels go. Tom sits up and wipes his mouth. He looks down and sees the photos of Evan Michael on the floor.) Tom Michaels: What's that? That's ... (He picks up the photo and looks at it.) Tom Michaels: That's Evan. That's ... this is my son. This is Evan. (Tom Michaels starts to cry.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Jack paces the floor. Grissom turns the corner and finds Jack.) Jack: Guy's not the murderer. Grissom: I know. We ran his palm print. Doesn't match. Jack: He's a Mormon from Utah. Stole $10,000 from the church, entry money into a poker game. Figured he'd win the money, replace it before they noticed. Grissom: And decided he'd bring his kid with him? Jack: Single parent. Carmen Davis is an ex-girlfriend. Dropped the kid off with her. Grissom: And while he's playing cards, they both get murdered. Wendy: (o.s.) I got your DNA results. (They turn and see Wendy with the file.) TIME CUT TO: [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - CONTINUOUS] (Wendy shares her findings with Jack and Grissom.) Wendy: The dead boy was confirmed as Tom Michael's son. So he's definitely not your kidnap victim from New York. However, the results of the SAE kit on the female victim showed two semen donors. (She reads the search results on the computer monitor.) Wendy: One was Tom and the other unknown, but that unknown was connected to two unsolved rape murders in CODIS. Jack: Excuse me. (Jack takes over the keyboard and scrolls through the screen.) Jack: Two years ago in Wyoming, 11 months ago in Idaho. Okay, one victim was 23, the other one 54. One blonde, one brunette. Both female. Both with their faces covered. Grissom: Both single, with no kids. Jack: Breaks the pattern. Grissom: If there is a pattern. Jack: There's a big gap between Vegas and New York. Now, this guy has been involved in four murders in the last two years. There's got to be more. Wendy: Well, if there are, then there may not be any associated DNA in the system. Small towns usually can't afford to run it if they don't have a suspect. Jack: Doesn't mean there's not a pattern. Just means we haven't found it yet. (Jack goes back to looking at the monitor. Grissom watches Jack.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (Jack walks through the hallway and passes Hodges in the Trace Lab. Hodges sees Jack and quickly gets up to join him.) Hodges: Special Agent Malone. David Hodges. (hands him file) The granular powder that you found on the dead boy's neck and shirt was largely ammonium nitrates and sulfates -- commercial grade fertilizer. (Jack looks at the results and sighs.) Jack: Great, so the killer could be from any farm in the United States. Hodges: Yeah, or any backyard. Jack: Thank you. (He hands the file back to Hodges.) Hodges: So, I was curious about opportunities at the federal level. Pay scale, working conditions ... Jack: You want my honest opinion? Hodges: Absolutely. Jack: There's a lot less competition in Vegas for a guy like you. The FBI has enough ass-kissers already. (Jack walks away. Hodges nods, stops and turns to head back to his lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Jack heads down the hallway and sees Robbins.) Jack: I'm looking for Tom Michaels. Robbins: Yeah, he's in there. You might want to give him a minute, though. He's ... uh ... saying good-bye. Do you have any kids? Jack: Yes. I have two daughters. (Robbins nods and leaves. Jack waits a moment, then steps into Autopsy where he finds Tom Michaels looking at Evan's body on the morgue cabinet.) Jack: Um, Mr. Michaels ... I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier. Tom Michaels: You're afraid I'm going to sue? Jack: The same man who murdered your son kidnapped another boy six years ago. He's here in Vegas, right now. And this is closest that I've ever been to him. Tom Michaels: You thought it was me. Jack: I promise you ... that I will do everything in my power to catch this man. Tom Michaels: Is that what you told the other boy's parents? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. PAWNSHOP -- DAY] (Nick is examining some jewelry on a tray when the pawnshop owner steps out from the back. Brass is there with Nick.) Pawnshop Owner: Those the items? Nick: Yep. Pawnshop Owner: Damn. This always happens to me. Nick: Is that the surveillance? Pawnshop Owner: Yeah. (He gives the image sheets to Nick.) Pawnshop Owner: That's the guy. Nick: Okay. Pawnshop Owner: I almost didn't call you guys, you know. What about me? I'm out 350 bucks. Brass: You'll live. The woman these items belonged to is dead, along with a kid. Pawnshop Owner: Oh. (beat) Is there a reward? Brass: Shut up. You saw him the night before last. You talk to him? He say anything to you? Pawnshop Owner: Not much. He showed me the jewels. I gave him his $350. Uh, he asked me for directions to the Tangiers. Brass: Hmm. Pawnshop Owner: I showed him how to get there. Recommended that Let It Ride game. It's been pretty lucky for me. Brass: Good for you. (Brass makes a phone call.) Woman: (from phone) Tangiers Hotel. (Nick looks at the images of the man in a baseball cap.) Brass: (to phone) This is Captain Jim Brass, LVPD. Would you connect me to the surveillance room, please? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Archie is reviewing the Tangier's surveillance tapes. On it is the man in a baseball cap sitting at the card table game. He's talking with the waitress. She leaves him and walks away.) Archie: That's definitely not a guy you want to go home with. That cocktail waitress doesn't know how lucky she is. Jack: We need a shot of his face. (Archie goes through the tape. The man in the baseball cap doesn't look up once.) Archie: Well, I think he knows that. Jack: Just ... hold on. Zoom in on the ball cap. There's a logo. (Archie enhances the logo. It's for HARGREEN HARVEST.) Archie: "Hargreen Harvest." Jack: He had commercial fertilizer on his hands when he killed Evan Michaels. He's a migrant worker, perhaps. Archie: Well, Tangiers sent over more than twelve hours on this guy. It's gonna take some time, but of course I'll let you know the minute I find anything. Jack: Okay, great. (Jack leaves. Archie goes back to reviewing the tapes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Grissom walks into his office. Jack follows him.) Grissom: I'll call in some additional AV techs, help Archie get through the footage, ... Jack: All right. Grissom: ... but you know, I've learned that sometimes you can go faster by going slow. Jack: Yeah, well, I like to go faster by going fast. Waiting around is not exactly my best thing. Grissom: I gathered that from your interrogation technique. You know, maybe you should go back to your hotel, take a nap. Jack: Is this your office? Really? By choice? It's not some kind of ... uh ... surplus overflow issue? Grissom: What's wrong with my office? Jack: Oh, I don't know. Uh ... why don't you tell me? (Jack puts his glasses on to look at a pig fetus in a jar on a shelf.) Grissom: That's an irradiated fetal pig. I used it to determine the effects of radiation on tissue. Jack: For what? Grissom: For fun. (Sara walks in.) Sara: Hey, Gil, I ... uh ... Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Grissom: No, no, it's fine. Jack Malone, FBI. Sara Sidle, CSI. Jack: Hi. Sara: Hello. I hear your abduction case is now a serial murder. (Jack nods and looks at Grissom.) Jack: Uh ... yeah. Sara: Well ... uh ... I got called into work early, but I did pick up Hank, and I took him to the sitter. Grissom: Thank you. I'll see you when I see you. (Sara turns and leaves.) Sara: Pleasure. Jack: Hmm. (Jack nods. He looks at Grissom.) Jack: Is Hank your kid? Grissom: Hank's my dog. She walks him for me sometimes. Jack: Oh, yeah, that's how it starts. Oh, I have some experience dating in the workplace. Grissom: Really? And, uh ... how'd it work out for you? Jack: Undetermined. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] (Children shout and laugh. A train horn blows in the background.) [EXT. COMMUNITY STREET -- DAY] (Several kids kick a soccer ball around on the street. They have a soccer goal set up. A kid kicks the ball at the goal and it misses, bouncing off the street and rolling on the grass. One of the kids runs to get it.) (He runs over the grassy hill and stops when he sees a man on the ground, bloodied and beaten up.) Bloody Man: Please, help me. (He reaches up to the kid.) Bloody Man: Please, help me, help me ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENCE - DAY] (The door opens. Detective Ruben Bejarano, Sara and a couple of officers walk in.) Det. Ruben Bejarno: Kid who found the old man says he lives here with his wife. She doesn't answer. Sara: You think the suspect's still here? Det. Ruben Bejarno: We'll know in a minute. You better wait here. (The officers continue through the house while Sara waits by the door. She sees some blood on the floor and notices it leads to the side.) (Dining room and Kitchen appear clear. The detective stops and turns to look at the living room. He finds a body.) Det. Ruben Bejarno: Sara ... (Sara walks over and they find a woman dead on the floor with a blanket over her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENCE - DAY] (Grissom is holding a bloodied hammer.) Grissom: The victim have circular indentations on her head? (Robbins is kneeling next to the body. Sara is snapping photos in the kitchen.) Robbins: Yeah. You want to do the autopsy, too? Just let me know. Grissom: My guess is, this is the hammer we didn't find at the Davis house. Robbins: Why take the murder weapon from one scene, walk around with it for more than a day, use it to kill again, but this time leave it behind? (She puts her camera down and opens the gun case.) Sara: Maybe he found something better ... Colt .45 auto. Case is empty. (Grissom puts the hammer in a bag. He looks at the counter and sees the cards stacked neatly on the surface with the driver's license on the top. The keys are next to the cards. Just like the Davis house.) Grissom: Huh. (Grissom checks the wallet and finds it empty.) Grissom: He lost the proceeds from the Vegas murders at the Tangiers. So, he probably needed more cash. Robbins: Double murder ATM. Grissom: Driver's license is on top, like before. Sara: He likes to know their names. Robbins: I heard the husband died at the hospital. But the killer was definitely here awhile. According to liver temp, she died a couple hours before the husband. Sara: So the husband was here and alive while his wife was being raped and killed? Robbins: It looks that way. (Sara is quiet. This disturbs her. Grissom watches Sara.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RESIDENCE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The officer holds the tape up as Sara leaves the house. Grissom follows her out.) Grissom: Sara? You okay? Sara: I don't know. Do you have any idea how he selects his victims? Grissom: No. He picks houses with no security systems, or dogs. Enters at night when most people are asleep, through open doors or windows. Easy targets. Sara: So, basically at random. (Grissom nods.) They were spending a night on the sofa, watching a movie. It's just ... uh ... (She turns -- Sara: It's just wrong. -- and walks away. Grissom watches her for a moment. A train whistle blows nearby. Grissom quickly turns around.) TIME CUT TO: (Grissom steps down the hillside and finds train tracks running along the community. He looks around from the tracks to the houses. His cell phone rings.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] Jack: (to phone) You at the Boulder City house? Grissom: (from phone) No, I'm at a railroad spur about a quarter of a mile from the house. Jack: (to phone) You taking a trip? Grissom: (from phone) Carmen Davis's house was next to the tracks, too. Jack: (to phone) So? Grissom: (to phone) Freight trains carry bulk fertilizer. I think your killer is riding the rails. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (Grissom and Jack look at a map of the area on the table. Catherine is at the wall map.) Grissom: All the previous murders were committed within about a mile of an active railroad spur. Jack: Right, so he gets off the train, finds his victim, kills them, rapes them if he feels like it, then just takes off. Catherine: So, I cross-referenced similar-patterned unsolves in ViCAP by proximity to rail spurs. There's at least a dozen cases. Grissom: (to Jack) You know, you have the authority to stop all the trains coming in and out of Nevada. Jack: Well, I'm not gonna do that unless I got a face. Catherine: If these are the work of your guy, he's piled up one hell of a body count. (Camera pans across the map showing the various red-circled cities and names of the victims. The two most recent: LAS VEGAS JULIAN/CHRISTINA GARDELLA BOULDER CITY CARMEN DAVIS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Archie and Nick are reviewing the Tangier's surveillance tapes. The first clip is from CAMERA 31, POKER PIT 15 at 17:38.) Archie: Guy kept his head down the entire time. Nick: Mm-hmm. Archie: Oh, check out what happens when he runs out of money. He starts hitting on the waitress, been doing it to every one of them that walked by. (Archie changes the clip on the computer. The next clip is from CAMERA: 37, SLOT MACHINE PIT 4 at 17:41.) Archie: And this ... is the last good image of him before he leaves the casino. He stops to look at this poster and quickly makes a phone call. Nick: Three numbers? I don't know too many serial killers that dial 911. He's calling Information. (Nick takes his cell phone out and makes a call.) Nick: (to phone) Uh, yes, this is CSI Nick Stokes with the Vegas PD. I need to get the telephone number of one of your pay phones on the casino floor. Near the ... uh ... Let It Ride tables. (Archie enhances the image of the waitress on the poster the man was looking at.) Nick: (to phone) Yes, ma'am. Archie: (mutters) So, why was he so interested in this poster? Nick: (to phone) Oh, great. Okay. (Nick takes Archie's pen out of his pocket and jots the number down on his hand.) Nick: (to phone) Mm-hmm. Very good. Thank you. Archie: Look at this. Nick: What is it? Archie: South Point Casino, just outside Boulder City. Might be a reason he went there. (Nick sighs and makes another call.) Nick: (to phone) Hey, it's Nick. Uh, I need to get an AG waiver to get a hold of some phone numbers. Yeah, exigent circs. Mm-hmm. (reads off his hand) 702-555-0177. At, uh ... Archie: (prompts) 17-41-33. Nick: (to phone) 17-41-33. Yes, ma'am, day before yesterday. (Archie goes back to the video and enhances the waitress's name tag.) Archie: Well, we know this guy likes his waitresses. So maybe that's what he's looking at. (squints) Is that a "D"? No. "G," "G-I-R"... "N"? Nick: (to phone) Okay, thanks. (hangs up) Gina. Gina Farentino. He called Information to get her number in Boulder City, but it's unlisted. (On the video, the man in the baseball cap bangs the phone's receiver against the phone in frustration.) Archie: Maybe that's what pissed him off. Nick: He knows where she works. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. (BOULDER) SOUTH POINT CASINO - DAY] [INT. SOUTH POINT CASINO - MAIN FLOOR - DAY] (Nick and Jack talk with the floor manager.) Floor Manager: Yeah, Gina works here; she's off today, though. Probably at home. Jack: We checked her house; she's not there. When was the last time you saw her? Floor Manager: Not since yesterday. Jack: What about this guy, seen him? (He shows her the image of the man in the baseball cap taken from the pawnshop camera.) Floor Manager: This is the best picture you got? Jack: What do you think? (She looks at the photo.) Floor Manager: There was a guy ... I don't know if it's him. He was on those slots when Gina came on her shift. (Quick flashback to: The man in the baseball cap wins big.) Man in Baseball Cap: Oh, yeah! (laughs) Whoo! (Confetti falls down and the other people sitting around him applaud. Gina Farentino is smiling as she heads over to him.) Floor Manager: (V.O.) Guess it was his lucky day. Must've thought the jackpot gave him a shot at her. He started chatting her up. (Her smile fades as she gets a good look at him. He heads over to her.) Man in Baseball Cap: Hey. Gina Farentino: Oh ... (She turns her back to him, but he starts after her.) Man in Baseball Cap: Don't go. What are you doing? Gina Farentino: No-- Man in Baseball Cap: When do you get off work? Huh? Where are you going? Gina Farentino: Don't talk to me! Floor Manager: (V.O.) She blew him off and left. Said she wasn't feeling well. (Gina leaves.) END FLASHBACK. Jack: And when did he leave? Floor Manager: He cashed out and left a few minutes later. Nick: How much did he win? Floor Manager: Um ... $2,500. Nick: I need to take a look at his W2-G, okay? SHORT TIME CUT TO: (At the counter, Nick prints the form.) Nick: If you make over twelve hundred bucks, Uncle Sam gets his cut, you know? Jack: Oh. That's how we stay in business. Nick: Mm-hmm. Jack: It's got name, address, social ... The whole thing has got to be bogus. Nick: Yeah, the cashiers don't really seem to care, (to the cashier) -- no offense, as long as you have a picture ID. (He tape-lifts the print.) And even when that's fake ... you can't fake one of those. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEVADA MOUNTAINS (STOCK) - DAY] (A siren wails.) [EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY ROAD -- DAY] (A black car, license #ARCB-421, pulls to the side of the road in front of the state trooper, who stops him.) Dispatch: (from radio) Chevy Impala, Nevada license Adam-Robert-Charles-Boy-4- 2-1. No wants or warrants, welfare check only. License owner is a Gina Farentino. State Trooper Robinson: (to radio) Copy, Dispatch. (Robinson gets out of the car. He walks over to the car and looks in the backseat. He waves, then looks at the driver.) Robinson: License and registration, sir. Man In The Baseball Cap: I got it right here. (The man reaches to the side, picks up his gun and shoots Robinson four times in the chest. Robinson falls backwards. The black car takes off and speeds away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY ROAD -- DAY] (Jack sits in the car watching footage from the video camera mounted on the state trooper's car.) (On the monitor, Robinson walks up to the car, waves, then leans forward to talk with the driver. The driver fires and Robinson falls to the ground.) (Grissom kneels next to Robinson's body. Jack gets out of the car and joins him. Grissom picks up the casing and looks at it.) Grissom: .45 auto. Same caliber as the one taken from the Boulder City double. Jack: You can see the whole thing on video if you want. Grissom: Was the waitress in the car with him? Jack: He was waving at somebody in the passenger seat when he got shot. According to the time code on the dash cam, it was about 33 minutes ago. (Grissom looks out at the long stretch of road in front of them.) Grissom: That's a pretty good head start. Jack: Yeah. I don't want to lose this guy. (Grissom's phone rings. He answers it on speakerphone.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] Catherine: (to phone) We ran the fingerprints that Nick lifted from the casino IRS form. Got an AFIS hit. Terry Lee Wicker. Served two years in Sing Sing for burglary. He got out four months before Jack's original kidnapping, and get this, when he was sent up, he was married to Gina Farentino. Brass put out a broadcast. Grissom: (to phone) Listen, do me a favor. Take a look at the map, find the nearest railway spur to our location. (Catherine enters the layout room and checks the map on the table.) Catherine: (to phone) Meadowood. It's off the 93, and it looks to be about ... 16 miles northeast of your location. (Grissom turns and looks in that direction.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MEADOWOOD -- RAILROAD SPUR (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. MEADOWOOD -- DAY] (Officer cars arrive with sirens blaring. They stop just behind the black car parked next to one of the trains.) (Jack gets out of the car with his gun out. The other officers also get out with their guns out. Jack approaches the car and finds the driver door wide open and empty.) (The station yard controller dressed in an orange vest approaches them.) Station Yard Controller: What the hell's going on? Jack: Did you see who drove this car here? Station Yard Controller: No, but I called the tow company. You can't park here. (A train whistle blows. One of the trains is leaving.) Jack: Where's that train going? Station Yard Controller: The Fresno 211. Chicago bound. Grissom: Any other trains pass through here in the last hour? Station Yard Controller: No, and nothing else is scheduled for another hour. Grissom: Can you stop that train? Station Yard Controller: I don't have that capacity, no. Who you guys looking for? (Jack, Grissom and one of the officers turn to board the train. It's several tracks over. Jack jumps onto an open car filled with motorcycles. He jumps out the other side, turns and finds Grissom already there waiting for him. Grissom shrugs and they continue toward the second train.) (Jack climbs up the side and jumps down the other side. Grissom follows them. They find the third train leaving.) (They both turn and run toward the moving train. They grab a hold and climb aboard.) Jack: You starting to miss the lab? Grissom: No, I like a good field trip. (Jack takes his gun out.) Jack: Right. Stay behind me. (They enter the passenger car and start looking for a man in a baseball cap.) (They find a man wearing a baseball cap sitting next to a window and looking outside. Jack approaches the man.) (Grissom motions for the officers behind him to stay close.) Jack: Freeze! (The man turns around.) Put your hands where I can see 'em! You Wicker? Baxter: No. The name's Baxter, and I ain't got no ticket. Grissom: Where'd you get that hat? Baxter: Oh ... from a man. (Baxter takes out a bill and shows it to them.) He gave me a hundred bucks to get on this train. I don't want no trouble. I mean ... don't shoot. (Jack puts his gun away and takes his sunglasses off. This isn't the guy. He looks at Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MEADOWOOD -- DAY] REVERSE VIEW - INSIDE THE CAR TRUNK (The trunk opens. Grissom and Jack look inside. Grissom sighs.) (They find Gina Farentino's dead body inside.) Grissom: Maybe, uh ... he came here to kill his ex-wife. Jack: Why? (Grissom's phone rings. He puts it on speakerphone.) Grissom: Grissom. Brass: (from phone) It's Brass. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] Brass: (to phone) Listen, the Boulder PD got a call from the principal at the local elementary school. Gina Farentino was supposed to pick up her son, only she didn't show up. Grissom: (to phone) Yeah, there's a reason for that. Jack: (to phone) She had a son? Brass: (to phone) The kid's name is Kobe. Yeah, according to the principal, a guy fitting Wicker's description came and picked him up in the mother's car. He said the kid seemed to know him. Grissom: (to phone) Thanks, Jim. (Jack thinks about it. Grissom opens the backseat door and looks inside. He finds a handheld game and an empty juice box left on the seat.) Grissom: Hey, Jack. I don't think that trooper was waving at Gina. (Quick flashback to: State Trooper Robinson approaches the car. He looks in the backseat and sees the little boy. He smiles and waves to the boy. He approaches Wicker in the driver's seat.) State Trooper Robinson: License and registration, sir. Terry Lee Wicker: I got it right here. (Wicker reaches for his gun, turns and shoots the Trooper.) WHITE FLASH TO: PRESENT (Jack walks up to Grissom.) Grissom: You said the kid who was kidnapped was six years old when he was adopted, birth parents unknown. (Grissom shows him the game and empty juice box.) Jack: That's right. Grissom: Terry Wicker was looking for his ex-wife ... Jack: ... and his son. Grissom: A family reunion. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROAD (STOCK) - DAY] (A MOJAVE EXPRESS bus passes by.) [INT. BUS - DAY] (The bus is full of passengers.) Terry Lee Wicker: (singing softly) The wheels on the bus go round and round Round and round, round and round The wheels on the bus go round and round All round the town. (Terry Lee Wicker sits in the seat next to the sleeping blonde-haired boy.)
Plan: A: The FBI's Jack Malone; Q: Who joins forces with Grissom to track a serial killer? A: Anthony LaPaglia; Q: Who plays Jack Malone? A: a boy; Q: Who was kidnapped six years ago in New York? A: the profile; Q: What does the kidnapped boy match with a murder victim in Las Vegas? A: Where and Why; Q: What is the name of the episode that concludes the crossover with Without a Trace? Summary: The FBI's Jack Malone (Anthony LaPaglia) joins forces with Grissom to track a serial killer after a boy who was kidnapped six years ago in New York matches the profile of a murder victim in Las Vegas. This episode begins a crossover with Without a Trace that concludes on " Where and Why ".
Sydney and Vaughn are in a prison, they're taken outside by some Koreans and forced to stand against a wall. Then one of the guards is shown firing. [SCENE_BREAK] 72 HOURS EARLIER... [SCENE_BREAK] The Rotunda, meeting room. DIXON: Three days ago, the SEC flagged an off-shore brokerage account for a minor clerical violation. An investigation revealed that the account was not backed by any hard currency. SYDNEY: A phantom account. SYDNEY: Yes. And because of its offshore status, it was turned over to Langley, run through channels. DIXON: Encoded in the names and values of the fictitious stocks within the portfolio, cryptography found a message, something the sender wanted us to find. A Covenant official wants to defect. JACK: What are the terms? DIXON: In exchange for his extraction and immunity, he's willing to turn over everything he knows about the Covenant. Considering the means through with he sent us this message, we believe he has top-tier access inside the organization. Sydney, Vaughn, I'm sending you to North Korea, posing as Swiss insurance auditors. You'll meet with the defector in the Gai-Li marketplace. 1200 hours local. The identifying marker will be three sugar cubes placed on the napkin at the edge of the table. We've only got a 15-minute window. SYDNEY: Fifteen minutes? DIXON: Those were his terms. And he offered no contingency. If we don't show up at the meet, there's no guarantee that this opportunity will present itself again. If this defector can lead us to the inner workings of the Covenant, we'll finally have them on the ropes. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the meeting room... LAUREN: Sydney. I was wondering if you have any plans next Tuesday. It's Michael's hockey night, and I thought maybe we could go out and get some dinner. SYDNEY: Yeah, sure, that'd be nice. LAUREN: Thanks. See you next Tuesday. [SCENE_BREAK] In a cab... ZISMAN: So, the Covenant is in danger of being compromised. This is of great concern to us. We'll send one of our own in North Korea to intercept the defector. Do you know from which airfield agents Bristow and Vaughn will be departing? LAUREN: No, it wasn't mentioned. ZISMAN: I need the name of the airfield in order to eliminate agents Vaughn and Bristow. The Covenant cannot accept even the possibility of the CIA getting their hands on a defector. Lauren looks worried, for what would have been obvious reasons an episode ago. ZISMAN: Explain your hesitation. LAUREN: Give me thirty minutes. I'll get you the information you need. [SCENE_BREAK] Back at the Rotunda, Lauren is about to peek at Vaughn's North Korea file. VAUGHN: Lauren. LAUREN: Do you have the number for Georgios(?) ? VAUGHN: What were you doing... asking Sydney to dinner? Michael, you asked me to give her a chance. I'll drive you to the plane, we can talk about it on the way. VAUGHN: I have to go get my stuff. Dover's five minutes from the house, I'll drive myself. Lauren, I don't want to start socializing with Sydney. We see her enough as it is. LAUREN: Yeah, and for three months it was awkward and uncomfortable. At least if we get to know each other we can be civil. And I actually really like her. Is that really such a big problem? VAUGHN: No, of course not. The number's in my rolodex. LAUREN: Be safe. VAUGHN: 'kay. Lauren calls her Covenant contact. ZISMAN: Did you get it? LAUREN: Dover. [SCENE_BREAK] At Dover airfield, someone shoots both pilots of Sydney and Vaughn's plane with some sort of toxin darts. The shooter types the aircraft registration number into a PDA... NC9746C [SCENE_BREAK] In a garage, the Covenant Goon has a PDA and sees the plane's ID on it. ZISMAN: In the next six hours, a CIA fuselage carrying two CIA operatives will be downed at the Covenant's behest. You are being deployed to North Korean in order to procure a Covenant defector. SARK: If I may ask, who is our source of intel at the CIA, and how do we know he's reliable? ZISMAN: Mr. Sark, don't burden yourself with unnecessary details. SARK: As my liaison to the Covenant, Mr. Zisman, I must say you're a great disappointment to me. You seem to be forgetting one rather large detail. That would be the 800 million dollars of my money, used to fund this organization. An organization that's proven to be ineffective, disorganized, and if you'll allow me to be petty, disrespectful to its benefactors. ZISMAN: Shall I convey your sentiments to my superiors? SARK: If you wish. ZISMAN: You will go to North Korea. Is that understood? SARK: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] On the plane. The pilots are turning up the AC. One coughs. Sydney is looking at papers. Vaughn is reading Italo Calvino's Mr. Palomar. SYDNEY: What are you reading? VAUGHN: Calvino. SYDNEY: Have you reviewed the file? VAUGHN: Of course I've reviewed the file. The pilots are getting worse. SYDNEY: Okay, this isn't going to work. VAUGHN: What isn't? SYDNEY: What have I done to you? VAUGHN: Nothing. I don't have a problem with you. I don't have anything with you. SYDNEY: Have I offended you in some way? By doing what, coming back, disrupting the perfect little life you had going on? VAUGHN: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here reading a book. I haven't said anything. SYDNEY: You haven't said anything in weeks. We're supposed to be working together. VAUGHN: If you want to work with someone else, we can make a switch. Is that what you want? SYDNEY: I've done everything that I can to try to make this ridiculous situation work. You, me, and Lauren, working in the same office. VAUGHN: Yeah, and I have tried to walk around with this fake smile on my face, pretending everything was fine, just the way it used to be. That's not working for me anymore. SYDNEY: This is it. When we get back, one of us has to go. The plane starts descending rather quickly. They notice the pilots passed out. SYDNEY: He's dead. VAUGHN: So is he. VAUGHN: We're in North Korean airspace, we have to abort. SYDNEY: Vaughn, we have incoming. Nifty CGI of missiles chasing the plane. SYDNEY: It's still locked on us. It's turning back. VAUGHN: There's another one. SYDNEY: They're both locked on. I'm going to flame us out. VAUGHN: We're going to need the engines to land. SYDNEY: They're heat-seekers. That's the only way we can shake them. I'm shutting off the engines. The missiles get confused and hit each other. Yeah right. Where's the military hardware consultant? VAUGHN: Fire up the air start ignition. SYDNEY: ASI On. VAUGHN: It's not working. SYDNEY: 1500 feet. 1000 feet VAUGHN: We don't have enough juice to restart. Hang on. SYDNEY: Vaughn, Vaughn! [SCENE_BREAK] On the ground, some North Korean soldiers see a plane fly overhead and crash. They get in a jeep and go after it. DIXON: Where the hell's the State Department? WEISS: Sir, I've got DoD on line one. LAUREN: Marshall, what's happening? WEISS: Oh, hey, uh, there's been a... Agent Bristow... LAUREN: What's going on? JACK: Sydney and Vaughn's jet was intercepted by surface to air missiles over North Korea. Their condition is unknown. LAUREN: Who was responsible? JACK: Early echelon reports indicate the North Korean government was not responsible, therefore we suspect the Covenant. LAUREN: If they survived, the North Korean military will no doubt be hunting them. JACK: We're attempting to monitor through satellite. When information comes in, you'll be the first to know. Lauren, what Vaughn and Sydney need now is our strength. DIXON: Jack, Lauren, my office. DIXON: I've just been informed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff that we've been ordered to stand down. Given our tenuous relations with North Korea, their official position on Sydney and Vaughn is to disavow. Jack walks out. DIXON: Unofficially, I say screw 'em. Pool your resources. We don't rest until Sydney and Vaughn are back in our hands. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack is using AIM. JACK: I NEED HELP. IRENA: Long time Jack. What brings you to my door? JACK: OUR DAUGHTER. IRENA: Trouble? JACK: DOWNED IN THE Q-GONG PROVINCE? IRENA: Alive? JACK: ? IRENA: How can I help? JACK: NEED ALIES IN NORTH KOREA. IRENA: I may know someone who can help. I'll be in touch. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's trying to get through to someone on the typical TV-style fake-looking sat phone. (Real sat phones need a parabolic antenna. If you want to see a real one, look for one about 20 minutes into "The Rock". They have a real one, or at least a real-looking prop.) Vaughn is looking for weapons in the plane. SYDNEY: Base-ops, this is mountaineer, four-alpha-delta. Do you copy? Base ops, do you copy? VAUGHN: Anything? SYDNEY: Comms are dead. You? VAUGHN: No, can't get to the artillery. The cargo door was jammed. What's your best guess on our coordinates? SYDNEY: We can't be more than forty minutes southwest of our LZ. What happened? VAUGHN: Oh, I'm fine. Okay. We have eight hours until our meet, which means on foot, we're going to miss our window. They hear vehicles. VAUGHN: That's military. They grab a bunch of flares, and using some fuel hoses that happen to be around, they start running the jet fuel out around the plane. They get about 50m away, and find some marginal cover. Two soldiers start poking around after they're 50m away. They toss a flare and blow up the plane and the two N. Korean soldiers, then they continue running away. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack is in a car with his laptop, running KDE of all things as a desktop environment. He gets an email: From: Unable to Determine Sender's Address Sent: Via Satellite To: Jack Subject: Meeting Time SYDNEY'S APARTMENT. 8PM. Then he gets a phone call. It's Sloane. JACK: This is Jack. SLOANE: I heard about Sydney. Has there been any word? JACK: Nothing yet. SLOANE: Well, then let me help. OMNIFAM has strong ties to the Premier of China. JACK: Thank you. If I need your help, I'll let you know. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney and Vaughn in North Korea... SYDNEY: I think we're clear. VAUGHN: Yeah, for now. SYDNEY: Let me see. Sydney bandages Vaughn's arm. She intentionally hurts him a bit as she tears the gauze. VAUGHN: Ow. SYDNEY: That's for being a jerk on the plane. VAUGHN: Thanks. SYDNEY: We've got seven hours to get to the Gai-Li marketplace. We need to find transportation. What? VAUGHN: Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's apartment. Jack is reading Alice in Wonderland. Someone knocks. He opens the door. KATYA: Jack Bristow. Your daughter is alive. So is agent Vaughn. JACK: Do you mind if I ask who you are? KATYA: What you should ask is what I'll need you to do in return for my assistance. JACK: I was going to get to that. KATYA: I will do everything in my power to guarantee the safe return of your daughter and her associate. But I need something from you. I need you to kill Arvin Sloane. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda. WEISS: Lauren, Jack just called. Vaughn and Sydney are alive. LAUREN: Where are they? WEISS: He didn't say, but he's orchestrating an exit strategy now. LAUREN: Thank you. They hug. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney and Vaughn... on the lam in North Korea SYDNEY: Nothing. VAUGHN: We'll have a better chance of getting a signal once we get to Gai-Li. SYDNEY: Vaughn. They find an abandoned vehicle. VAUGHN: The tires still have air. SYDNEY: There's still some gas. How's it look? VAUGHN: I don't know. Pull me some wiring out of the dashboard. VAUGHN: Thanks. It could still take a charge. Spin the generator pulley. We've got a heartbeat. Keep it spinning, we have to generate enough charge to spark the engine. VAUGHN: Listen, earlier, on the plane... SYDNEY: It's okay. VAUGHN: It's the only thing I could ever count on, the way it felt to be with you, how easy it was. That's all gone now. How are we supposed to get along and be friends? You're right, it's ridiculous. SYDNEY: I slept with Will. VAUGHN: What? SYDNEY: In Warsaw. We got drunk, and we slept together. VAUGHN: How am I supposed to react to that? SYDNEY: However you want to. VAUGHN: Bad enough being a fugitive in North Korea. Now I have to find out that you slept with Will? They both half snicker. SYDNEY: I want you to know that I'm moving on. Not with Will, just generally. If it helps. VAUGHN: Alright, that should be enough. SYDNEY: You're probably right. They start the engine. VAUGHN: Okay. They get in and drive off. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda. LAUREN: Your operative in North Korea should be advised that agents Bristow and Vaughn are still in play. ZISMAN: How is that possible? LAUREN: That's what I'd like to know, particularly as I jeopardized my standing within the CIA for an offensive that failed. ZISMAN: I'll pass the news along. [SCENE_BREAK] Koreatown (Los Angeles) Jack and Katya are attempting to visit someone. KATYA: Mr. Cho please. GUARD: We're closed. KATYA: The Black sparrow seeks an audience with Mr. Cho. GUARD: Yes, I'll let him know. KATYA: I prefer to remain unannounced. We shall not be disturbed. They enter. KATYA: Mr. Cho. I apologize for disturbing your meal. CHO: An unexpected delight. I was under the impression that you were never returning to United States. Sit. (He says something to his companion/girlfriend, and she presumably leaves.) KATYA: This is not a social call. You have a debt to pay. CHO: Yes, I'm aware. KATYA: I need an extraction from Q-GONG province, two Americans. CHO: No, I'm sorry. That's more than even I can do. Things get rough. Katya takes two skewers and drives them through Cho's hands. KATYA: This is not a negotiation. Jack has to deal with a guard and gets cut in the side in the process. CHO: The repercussions, they're too dangerous for me. KATYA: I am not concerned of the repercussions. CHO: Yes. Uncle Kwan. Mr. Kwan can help us. She takes out an envelope and puts it on the table. KATYA: Everything you need to know. Don't fail me. JACK: We'll be in touch. [SCENE_BREAK] Gai-Li [SCENE_BREAK] VAUGHN: Never been this on-time in my life. SYDNEY: There he is. VAUGHN: Let's go. SYDNEY: Wait. They see Sark approach the defector. SARK: Mr... I'm sorry, you forgot to give us your name. DEFECTOR: You first. SARK: I'm Agent Hollier. I'm with the CIA. SYDNEY: We have to get in there now. VAUGHN: Any move we make, Sark kills him. SYDNEY: Not necessarily. DEFECTOR: Which field office of the CIA did you say you were from, Mr. Hollier? SARK: Portland office. We have a car waiting, a plane fueled up ready to go. You, sir, are on your way to becoming a God-blessed American citizen. DEFECTOR: Gloria Estefan. SARK: What about her? DEFECTOR: I like her. Four years the Covenant has had me here in North Korea. This culture has no... pep. America, though, lots of pep. SARK: Well, I assure you, the United States will be happy to have you. DEFECTOR: Yes, the Covenant must be stopped. What they are planning keeps me awake at night, not sleeping. SARK: My friend, tonight you'll sleep very soundly. The camera shows Sark pointing a Walther PPK at the defector under the table. Sydney and Vaughn arrive. Sydney holds a knife to Sark's crotch. Sark looks worried. SYDNEY: Stay calm. Nobody move. DEFECTOR: What is this? VAUGHN: Listen very closely. This man is not CIA. He's Covenant. DEFECTOR: Covenant? SYDNEY: We're CIA. DEFECTOR: This was huge mistake. (he starts to get up to leave...) VAUGHN: No no, you have to trust us. SYDNEY: Vaughn... (pointing out that...) N. Korean soldiers arrive. SARK: I believe their army is in search of fugitives from a downed airplane, suspected CIA. VAUGHN: Let's make this easy for each other. Leenid(?) and I are going to walk calmly out of here. Sydney is going to keep the knife exactly where it is until we are clear. Once we are, she will follow us. If you stick to that plan, you might still have children one day. SARK: Except the execution of your threat would tip off our friends over there. It seems everyone has something to lose. DEFECTOR: Everyone except for me. Goodbye. He runs off. Chaos ensues. Sark gets away. The three of them are apprehended. SOLDIER: Hands up. (the rest is in Korean) [SCENE_BREAK] Jack and Katya are back at his apartment. KATYA: It's not deep. But the liver... JACK: I know. I'll need you to check if the tissue's intact. JACK: Tell me, which of Irena's sisters are you, Elena or Yakatarina? KATYA: I haven't been Yakatarina since I was a child. My sisters call me Katya. Which means Irena wasn't the one who told you about me. JACK: Learning that your wife is actually a Russian spy drives you to learn all you can about her true identity. KATYA: The tissue is stable. KATYA: As observant as you are, you were married to my sister for five years without suspecting who she really was. Her love must have been intoxicating. KATYA: Mr. Kwan will insure that Sydney will return home safely. Now you have something to do for me. JACK: And what do you possibly have to gain by my executing Arvin Sloane, and why me? KATYA: I consider the assassination a preventative measure. And why you? It's not for you to ask. We had an agreement. You chose not to deliver, I call off Mr. Kwan. [SCENE_BREAK] N. Korean Prison Guards speak Korean. They start with Vaughn. He doesn't say anything. SYDNEY: (in Korean, subtitles) Sorry, I only speak English. The guard turns to the Covenant defector, threatens him minimally. DEFECTOR: CIA. They're CIA. I will talk. GUARD: Thank you. The defector is taken away. Other guards hit Sydney and Vaughn. [SCENE_BREAK] Alone in the cell. [SCENE_BREAK] SYDNEY: Vaughn. Vaughn: Sydney, come here. Come here, Sydney. They cuddle. As much as two bloody, exhausted people can. [SCENE_BREAK] Zurich. JACK: Jack Bristow. I have a 3 o'clock with Arvin Sloane. SEC: Sir, Jack Bristow's here to see you. [SCENE_BREAK] Zurich... Katya is watching the OMNIFAM surveillance feed. She calls OMNIFAM. KATYA: Arvin Sloane please. SEC: You have a call on line one. ARVIN: Yes? KATYA: Arvin? I assume you know who this is. ARVIN: I do. KATYA: I have a message for you. Back off Irena. ARVIN: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take that. KATYA: Listen to me carefully. No matter how protected you think you are, you're not, even from your friends. Even the one you're about to see. Your continuing life is a favor from me. [SCENE_BREAK] Zurich. Katya calls Jack. JACK: This is jack. KATYA: Change of plan. I need you to abort. I'll explain later. SEC: Mr. Bristow, he'll see you now. SLOANE: Tell me, Jack. Did you reconsider my offer to help Sydney? JACK: I just want to let you know, I think we're making progress. SLOANE: That's good. So you've extracted Sydney from North Korea? JACK: Working on it. I was able to contact someone on the inside who could help us. SLOANE: And you came all the way to Zurich to tell me this? JACK: No. I had a meeting locally, but I wanted to drop in, tell you in person. You've done a lot for Sydney lately; I felt I owed you the courtesy. SLOANE: I see. Thank you. SLOANE: I remember... years ago, I was working at SD-6. I was on my way to a meeting in Berlin. It was a typical day. Except K-Directorate made an attempt on my life. As I opened a car door, a sniper shot came out of nowhere. Bullet grazed my neck, actually left a burn mark. You never forget what that feels like, to barely escape with your life. JACK: I have a plane waiting. SLOANE: Then you should go. [SCENE_BREAK] N. Korean Prison VAUGHN: We're not going to make it out of here. There's something I need you to know. SYDNEY: Vaughn... VAUGHN: In my life, there is only one person. SYDNEY: Don't do this. VAUGHN: Look at me. SYDNEY: Vaughn... VAUGHN: The only reason I pushed you away... SYDNEY: Please... VAUGHN: The only reason, I didn't know how to be around you. SYDNEY: They're coming. VAUGHN: Sydney... SYDNEY: I know. I know. SYDNEY: (whispering) We'll find each other. We always find each other. They kiss for few seconds, then the guards take them out before the firing squad. They're taken out before the firing squad, with a bunch of AKs. Someone starts firing, but that person is firing at the other guards... KWAN: I'm Mr. Kwan. I'm here to help you. Back in the prison... DEFECTOR: What is happening? I'm sorry for the things I... DEFECTOR: Thank you. Before, I... I hope you did not think I was betraying you in any way. What I was trying to do was I... Sydney hits him. DEFECTOR: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Back at the Rotunda... Everyone... SYDNEY: How did you find me? JACK: Your mother found you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack meets Katya in the open. JACK: You warned him, didn't you? Sloane. Whatever trust I'd established with him over the last three months has been compromised. What I can't figure out is how will this play to Irena's advantage or your own? KATYA: One day when you least expect it, Irena's intentions will present themself to you. And when that day comes I promise you, it will be unmistakable. JACK: Thank you for helping Sydney. KATYA: Isn't that what family is for? She kisses him. KATYA: That was from Irena. She kisses Jack much more passionately. When she pulls back, Jack looks quite shocked, possibly for the first time ever on Alias. He regains his composure a bit, enough to ask... JACK: And who was that from? KATYA: Too many questions. She walks away.
Plan: A: Sydney; Q: Who reveals that she slept with Will? A: Vaughn; Q: Who admits his feelings for Sydney before they are taken to a firing squad? A: a Covenant defector; Q: Who do Sydney and Vaughn travel to North Korea to meet with? A: Lauren; Q: Who passes the information to The Covenant? A: the pilots; Q: Who does The Covenant poison? A: North Korean; Q: Where do Sydney and Vaughn travel to meet with a Covenant defector? A: North Korean missile attacks; Q: What do Sydney and Vaughn evade? A: the plane; Q: What do Sydney and Vaughn crash land to evade the military? A: the difficulty; Q: What do Sydney and Vaughn discuss about working together? A: Sark; Q: Who is the CIA operative who tries to capture Sydney and Vaughn? A: Irina Derevko; Q: Who is Sydney's mother? A: Irina's sister; Q: Who is Katya? A: Katya; Q: Who aborts the assassination attempt on Sloane? A: help; Q: What does Katya offer in exchange for Sloane being killed? A: even Jack; Q: Who did Katya warn Sloane would turn against him? A: one; Q: How many guards kill the other soldiers? Summary: Sydney and Vaughn travel to North Korea to meet with a Covenant defector. Lauren passes this information to The Covenant, who then poison the pilots. En route, the pilots die, Sydney and Vaughn evade North Korean missile attacks, crash land the plane and elude the military. Sydney and Vaughn discuss the difficulty of working together. Sydney reveals that she had slept with Will and has decided to move on. Before Sydney and Vaughn can meet the defector, Sark appears and masquerades as a CIA operative. Sydney, Vaughn and the defector are captured by the military but Sark escapes. The defector informs on Sydney and Vaughn, who are then physically abused. Jack contacts Sydney's mother, Irina Derevko, for assistance and is visited by Irina's sister, Katya, who offers help in exchange for Sloane being killed. Jack visits Sloane but Katya first calls Sloane and warns him to back off Irina, hinting that even Jack would turn against him. Katya then contacts Jack and aborts the assassination. Vaughn admits his feelings for Sydney before they are taken to a firing squad. Instead of being killed, one of the guards kills the other soldiers and they all escape with the defector.
Scene: Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and Raj are present. Leonard: There you go, Pad Thai, no peanuts. Howard: But does it have peanut oil? Leonard: Uh, I'm not sure, everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up. Sheldon: Since it's not bee season, you can have my epinephrine. Raj: Are there any chopsticks? Sheldon: You don't need chopsticks, this is Thai food. Leonard: Here we go. Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth century. Interestingly they don't actually put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth. Leonard: Ask him for a napkin, I dare you. (There is a knock on the door.) I'll get it. Howard: Do I look puffy? I feel puffy. (Leonard opens door to Penny, steps into hallway) Penny: Hey Leonard. Leonard: Oh, hi Penny. Penny: Am I interrupting. Leonard: No. Sheldon (off): You're not swelling, Howard. Howard (off): No, no, look at my fingers, they're like Vienna sausages. Penny: Sounds like you have company. Leonard: They're not going anywhere. (Closes door, staying in hallway.) So, you're coming home from work. That's great. How was work. Penny: Well, you know, it's the Cheesecake Factory. People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them. Leonard: So, you sort of act as a carbohydrate delivery system. Penny: Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage. Yeah, anyways, I was wondering if you could help me out with something, I was.... Leonard: Yes. Penny: Oh. Okay, great, I'm having some furniture delivered tomorrow, and I may not be here, so.... (apartment door opens, Sheldon, Raj and Howard appear) Oh! Hel...hello! Howard: (speaks a phrase in Russian). Penny: I'm sorry? Howard: Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian? Penny: No, I haven't. Howard: Get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I probably won't, but... Hey Sheldon. Sheldon: Hi. Penny: Hey Raj! (Raj looks uncomfortable) Still not talking to me, huh? Sheldon: Don't take it personally, it's his pathology, he can't talk to women. Howard: He can't talk to attractive women, or in your case a cheesecake-scented Goddess! Leonard: So, there's gonna be some furniture delivered? Penny: Yeah, yeah, if it gets here and I'm not here tomorrow could you just sign for it and have them put it in my apartment. Leonard: Yeah, no problem. Penny: Great, here's my spare key. Thank you. Leonard: Penny, wait. Penny: Yeah? Leonard: Um, if you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon? Penny: A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there? Sheldon: You're kidding, right? Penny: Yeah, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her, which one was that? Leonard,Sheldon and Howard together: One. (Raj raises one finger). Sheldon: You realise that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy. Penny: Yes, I know, men can't fly. Sheldon: Oh no, let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Miss Lane, who is now travelling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces. Leonard: Unless, Superman matches her speed and decelerates. Sheldon: In what space, sir, in what space? She's two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement. It would be a more merciful death. Leonard: Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength. Sheldon: Are you listening to yourself, it is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength, it is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from Earth's yellow Sun. Howard: Yeah, and you don't have a problem with that, how does he fly at night. Sheldon: Uh, a combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells. Penny: I'm just going to go wash up. Leonard: I have 26 hundred comic books in there, I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells. Sheldon: Challenge accepted. (Tries door.) We're locked out. Raj: Also, the pretty girl left. Credit sequence. Scene: Ground floor hallway of the apartment building. Leonard is signing for the delivery. Leonard: Okay, her apartment's on the fourth floor but the elevator's broken so you're going to have to (delivery man leaves) oh, you're just going to be done, okay, cool, thanks. I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves. Sheldon: I hardly think so. Leonard: Why not? Sheldon: Well, we don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength. Leonard: We don't need strength, we're physicists. We are the intellectual descendents of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the Earth, it's just a matter... (starts to move package) I don't have this... I don't have this I don't have this. Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud. Leonard: Do you have any ideas? Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring. Time shift, Leonard and Sheldon are now lowering the package onto the bottom of the stairs. Leonard: Easy, easy (package falls) Okay! Now we've got an inclined plane. The force required to lift is reduced by the sine of the angle of the stairs, call it thirty degrees, so about half. Sheldon: Exactly half. Leonard (snarkily): Exactly half. Let's push. Okay, see, it's moving, this is easy, all in the math. Sheldon: What's your formula for the corner. Leonard: What? Oh, okay, uh, okay, yeah, no problem, just come up here and help me pull and turn. (Sheldon heads up the stairs. The package slides back down to the bottom.) Sheldon: Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch. Time shift, they now have the package on an upstairs hallway, not their own. Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman? Leonard: Men do things for women without expecting s*x. Sheldon: Yeah, those are men who just had s*x. Leonard: I'm doing this to be a good neighbour. In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds. Quick cut to the hallway of their floor, they are nearing the top of the staircase. Leonard: Almost there, almost there, almost there. (Lets go of package, it starts to slip down) Sheldon: No we're not, no we're not, no we're not. Scene: Inside Penny's apartment. They are laying the package down on the floor. Sheldon: Watch your fingers. Watch your fingers. Oh God, my fingers! Leonard: You okay? Sheldon: No, it hurt... (looking around) Great Caesar's Ghost, look at this place? Leonard: So Penny's a little messy. Sheldon: A little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy, this is chaos. Excuse me, explain to me an organisational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table's having a tiny garage sale. Leonard: Did it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organise and label the entire world around them? Sheldon: No. Leonard: Well they don't. Hard as it may be for you to believe, most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fibre content. Sheldon: Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times. Leonard: Come on, we should go. Sheldon: Hang on. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Straightening up. Leonard: Sheldon, this is not your home. Sheldon: This is not anyone's home, this is a swirling vortex of entropy. Leonard: When the transvestite lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place. Sheldon: Because it was immaculate, I mean, you open that man's closet, it was left to right, evening gowns, cocktail dresses, then his police uniforms. Leonard: What were you doing in his closet? Sheldon: I helped run some cable for a webcam. Penny (entering): Hey guys. Leonard: Oh, hey Penny, this just arrived, we just brought this up, just now. Penny: Great. Was it hard getting it up the stairs? Sheldon: (sucks in breath) Leonard: No. Sheldon: No? Leonard: No. Sheldon: No. Leonard: Well, we'll get out of your hair. Penny: Oh, great, thank you again (she throws her jacket over the back of the sofa). Sheldon: Penny, I just want you to know that, you don't have to live like this. I'm here for you. Penny: What's he talking about? Leonard: It's a joke. Penny: I don't get it. Leonard: Yeah, he didn't tell it right. Scene: Leonard's bedroom, he is asleep. Sound of door opening and closing somewhere else is heard. Leonard wakes, puts on his glasses and looks at the clock. It is 2:16. Leonard: Sheldon? Scene: The living room. Leonard enters carrying a light sabre. Leonard: Sheldon? Hello? (Notices front door is open, turns off light sabre.) Scene: Penny's apartment, penny is sleeping, Sheldon is cleaning. Leonard enters. Leonard: Sheldon! Sheldon: Sssshhhh! Penny's sleeping. Leonard: Are you insane, you can't just break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and clean. Sheldon: I had no choice. I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room, and just outside our living room was that hallway, and immediately adjacent to that hallway was... this. Leonard: Do you realise that if Penny wakes up, there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're here? Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation. Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation, it's reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers. Sheldon: Don't be ridiculous. I have no peers. Leonard: Sheldon, we have to get out of here. (Penny snores) Sheldon: You might want to speak in a lower register. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Evolution has made women sensitive to high pitched noises while they sleep, so that they'll be roused by a crying baby. If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register. Leonard: That's ridiculous. (Penny snores again.) Sheldon: No, (lowering his voice dramatically,) that's ridiculous. Leonard (doing likewise): Fine. I accept your premise, now please let's go. Sheldon: I am not leaving until I'm done. Leonard: O-o-o-oh! (Collapses against wall). Sheldon: If you have time to lean, you have time to clean. Leonard: Oh, what the hell. Scene: Sheldon and Leonard's living room, morning. Sheldon enters, singing to himself. Sheldon: Morning. Leonard: Morning. Sheldon: I have to say, I slept splendidly. Granted, not long, but just deeply and well. Leonard: I'm not surprised. A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbour's apartment and clean. Sheldon: Sarcasm? Leonard: You think? Sheldon: Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement of Penny's quality of life. Leonard: You know what, you've convinced me, maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet. Sheldon: You don't think that crosses a line? Leonard: Yes! For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth. Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign? Leonard: No, I do not have a sarcasm sign. Sheldon: Do you want some cereal. I'm feeling so good today I'm going to choose from the low fibre end of the shelf. Hello, Honey Puffs. Penny (voice off): Son of a Bitch! Leonard: Penny's up. Penny (voice off): You sick, geeky bastards! Leonard: How did she know it was us? Sheldon: I may have left a suggested organisational schematic for her bedroom closet. Penny (voice off): Leonard! Leonard: God, this is going to be bad. Sheldon: Goodbye, Honey Puffs, hello Big Bran. Penny (entering): You came into my apartment last night when I was sleeping? Leonard: Yes, but, only to clean. Sheldon: Really more to organise, you're not actually dirty, per se. Penny: Give me back my key. Leonard: I'm very, very sorry. Penny: Do you understand how creepy this is. Leonard: Oh, yes, we discussed it at length last night. Penny: In my apartment, while I was sleeping. Sheldon: And snoring. And that's probably just a sinus infection, but it could be sleep apnoea, you might want to see an otolaryngologist. It's a throat doctor. Penny: And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses? Sheldon: Depending on the depth, that's either a proctologist or a general surgeon. (Leonard holds up a sign reading "Sarcasm") Oh! Penny: God! Leonard: Okay, look, no Penny, I think what you're feeling is perfectly valid, and maybe a little bit later today when you're feeling a little bit less, for lack of a better word, violated, maybe we could talk about this some more. Penny: Stay away from me. Leonard: Sure, that's another way to go. Sheldon: Penny, Penny, just to clarify because there will be a discussion when you leave, is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping, or do you also object to the imposition of a new organisational paradigm. (Penny stares in disbelief, then leaves.) Well that was a little non-responsive. Leonard: You are going to march yourself over there right now and apologise. (Sheldon laughs.) What's funny? Sheldon: That wasn't sarcasm? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Wooh, boy, you are all over the place this morning. (Knocks on Penny's door.) I have a masters and two PhD's, I should not have to do this. Penny (opening door): What? Sheldon: I am truly sorry for what happened last night, I take full responsibility. And I hope that it won't colour your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. (Penny closes door in his face.) I did what I could. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The stairwell. Raj is coming up the stairs, he meets Penny who is going down. Penny: Hey Raj. (Raj stands looking uncomfortable.) Hey, listen, I don't know if you heard about what happened last night with Leonard and Sheldon, but I'm really upset about it, I mean they just, they let themselves into my place, and then they cleaned it, I mean can you even believe that? How weird is that? Raj (internally, while Penny continues to talk): Ooh, she's standing very close to me. Oh my, she does smell good. What is that, vanilla? Penny: You know, where I come from, someone comes into your house at night, you shoot, okay? And you don't shoot to wound. I mean, alright, my sister shot her husband, but it was an accident, they were drunk. What was I saying? Raj (internally): She's so chatty. Maybe my parents are right. Maybe I'd be better off with an Indian girl. We'd have the same cultural background, and my wife would sing to my children the same lullabies my mother sang to me. Penny: It's obvious that they meant well, but I'm just, I'm having a really rough time, like I said, I broke up with my boyfriend, and it's just freaking me out. Raj (internally sings an Indian lullaby.) Penny: I mean, just because most of the men I've known in my life happen to be jerks, doesn't mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are. Right? Raj (internally): She asked me a question. I should probably nod. (Does.) Penny: That's exactly what I thought. Thank you for listening. You're a doll. (She hugs him.) Raj (internally): Oh-oh. Turn your pelvis. (Does.) Scene: Sheldon and Leonard's living room. Howard is there, playing on a dance video game. Howard (jumping off game mat): Grab a napkin, homie. You just got served. Leonard: It's fine. You win. Howard: What's his problem? Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him. Howard: Been there. Raj (entering): Hello. Sorry I'm late. But I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny. Howard: Really? You? Rajesh Koothrapali, spoke to Penny? Raj: Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee. Leonard: What did she say? Is she still mad at me? Raj: Well, she was upset at first, but, probably because her sister shot somebody. Then there was something about you and... then she hugged me. Howard: She hugged you? How did she hug you? (Raj hugs Howard.) Is that her perfume I smell? Raj: intoxicating, isn't it? Scene: The hallway, Leonard puts a note under Penny's door. It opens. Penny: Hi. Leonard: Oh. Penny: What's going on? Leonard: Um, here's the thing. (Reads from note.) Penny. Just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgement. The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognise one's mistakes. Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie's discovery of Radium turned out to have great scientific potential even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. Another example, from the field of ebola research.... Penny: Leonard. Leonard: Yeah. Penny (hugs him): We're okay. (Kisses him on cheek. Closes door. Leonard looks happy, walks back across hallway and straight into the apartment door.) Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon and Leonard are trying to construct furniture. Leonard: Six two inch dowels. Sheldon: Check. Leonard: One package, Phillips head screws. Sheldon: Check. Penny: Guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay, I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was like twelve, I think I can put together a cheap Swedish media centre. Leonard: No, please, we insist, it's the least we can do considering. Sheldon: Considering what? How great this place looks? Howard (across room with Raj): Oh boy, I was afraid of this. Leonard: What? Howard: These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components. This right here is why Sweden has no space program. Penny: Well, uh, it looked pretty good in the store. Leonard: It is an inefficient design, for example Penny has a flat screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted. Sheldon: We could put her stereo back there. Leonard: And control it how? Sheldon: Run an infra-red repeater, photocell here, emitter here, easy peasy. Howard (after Raj whispers in his ear): Good point, how you gonna cool it? Penny: Hey guys, I got this. Sheldon: Hang on Penny. How about fans, here and here? Leonard: Also inefficient, and might be loud. Howard: How about liquid coolant? Maybe a little aquarium pump here, run some quarter inch PVC... Penny: Guys, this is actually really simple. Howard: Hold on, honey, men at work. The PVC comes down here, maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as a radiator here. Leonard: Oh, really, show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice and an overflow reservoir? Sheldon: And if water is involved we're going to have to ground the crap out of the thing. Penny: Guys, it's hot in here, I think I'll just take off all my clothes. Leonard: Oh, I've got it. How about if we replace panels A, B and F and crossbar H with aircraft grade aluminium. Sheldon: Right, then the entire thing's one big heat sink. Howard: Perfect, Leonard, why don't you and Sheldon go down to the junk yard and pick up about six square metres of scrap aluminium, Raj and I will run down to my lab and get the oxy-acetaline torch. Leonard: Meet back here in an hour? Howard: Done. Leonard: Got it. (They all leave). Penny: Okay, this place does look pretty good.
Plan: A: Sheldon; Q: Who tries to apologize to Penny but fails? A: Leonard; Q: Who apologizes to Penny for the apartment cleaning? A: Penny, Sheldon; Q: Who is furious that Sheldon and Leonard were in her apartment? A: the obsessive-compulsive Sheldon; Q: Who sneaks into Penny's apartment to clean it? A: The next morning; Q: When did Penny discover that Sheldon and Leonard had been in her apartment? A: a "gentle and thorough lover; Q: What does Sheldon say about Leonard when he tries to apologize to Penny? A: the hallway; Q: Where does Penny meet Raj? A: hugs Raj; Q: What does Penny do when she meets Raj? Summary: When Sheldon and Leonard drop off a box of flat pack furniture that came for Penny, Sheldon is deeply disturbed at how messy and disorganized her apartment is. Later that night, while Penny sleeps, the obsessive-compulsive Sheldon, unable to sleep, sneaks into her apartment to organize and clean it. Leonard finds out and reluctantly helps him. The next morning, Penny is furious to discover they had been in her apartment. Sheldon tries to apologize to Penny but fails by remarking that Leonard is a "gentle and thorough lover". Later, Penny encounters Raj in the hallway. Though he cannot talk to Penny, she calms down whilst telling him about the issue, reasoning the guys were just trying to help her, and hugs Raj. Then Leonard apologizes, prompting Penny to forgive and hug him.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Buffy lays her hand on Angel's chest: "I felt your heart beat. I'll never forget. I'll never forget." Angel fighting the Mohra demon. Angel: "The Mohra demon said that the end of days had begun that others were coming, soldiers of darkness?" Doyle looking after Cordy. Doyle: "She's really something, isn't she?" Angel: "You want to ask Cordelia out, just do it yourself." Doyle: "What ever you do, don't let her in on me being half demon." Doyle sneezing, and going demon face. Cordy: "Ugh! Demons, is there anything more disgusting? - Maybe your right. Maybe he has hidden depths, I mean really, really hidden." Angel: "There's definitely more to Doyle then meets the eye." Doyle: "We all have something to atone for." Cordy: "Nice guys don't always finish last." Doyle: "You think I'm a nice guy?" Cut to LA at night. Cordy voice over: "Okay, we fade up on an aerial shot, downtown, skyscrapers, lights, yada, yada, yada. We hear a narrator, preferably famous - maybe that bald Star Trek guy or one of the cheaper Baldwins, and he says: 'it's a big, bad city out there.' Cut to a woman walking down a dark, spooky street - alone. We'll cast some beautiful, young actress, maybe an up-and-coming starlet whose carrier is on the verge of taking off (we see Cordy walking down a dark street). Anyway, she's all nervous, right? Mucho vulnerable. The voice guy says: 'danger lurks around every corner.' Boom! She's attacked by a big, ugly goon, with a knife. She screams: 'help! Is there no one to help me?' 'Well now there is someone to answer your call. (We see a dark figure in a long trench coat) He'll protect you, (dark guy beats up big, ugly goon), catch you when you fall! You can count on it. (Camera pulls in on Angel's face and he says:) And you can count on me, because I'm the Dark Avenger." Cut to Angel sitting behind his desk looking up at Cordy who's holding a video camera in her hands. Angel: " I'm the what?" Cordy: "The Dark Avenger." Angel: "I'm the Dark Avenger." Cordy: "I know, it's perfect! We can do it ourselves on High 8. I'll charm a post-production house into doing the effects and... (Angel gets up and walks off) Look, I know a little something about self-promotion, Angel, and I'm telling you one commercial like this could get us out of the red - or the black - or which ever one means we're broke, because that's us. (Angel steps into the elevator and closes the grate) So what? Buffy blows into to town and puts you into a permanent funk (Elevator goes down) and I'm just supposed to stand by and watch our business go belly up?" Doyle: "He's not entirely wrong, you know? (Cordy walks past him) Look, all I'm saying is advertising a superhero that can't really go out in the daylight might raise vampire suspicions, not to mention our pesky lack of an investigator's license." Cordy: "And who needs a license when we have no clients?" Doyle: "We'll manage, princess. We always do." Cordy: "We will if we project the right image. And now I'm suddenly thinking that Angel is all wrong for this commercial! He is a larger-than-life character, way to Braveheart for Joe-Couch-potato to relate to. We need someone who's - average, (looks Doyle up and down), run of the mill, ordinary. (Smiles) You're perfect." Doyle: "While I appreciate the compliment, it's just..." Cordy: "Come over here into the light, and let's see if we can create some cheekbones." Doyle: "Cordelia, I'm not the photogenic type. Plus I get dry mouth.' Cordy grabs him by his shirtfront: "Excuse me? This is not a negotiation. This is a necessity. Our boss is in a funk. You *know* that he's only happy when he's fighting evil. Now let's drum up some!" Doyle: "I don't know what we need evil for when we got you right here." Cordy: "I heard that!" Intro Cut to Doyle seen through the viewfinder of the video camera. Doyle: "If you need help. Then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best! - Our rats are low." Cordy: "Our rates!" Doyle points to the papers taped on the windows behind her: "It says 'rats'. - Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here - someone that will go all the way, no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world. (Clears throat) Is that it? Am I done?" Cordy stops camera: "I don't know. I'm not getting every man, I'm getting - weasel. We don't want weasel?" Doyle: "I don't know. I think people will be pouring in as soon as they hear about our low rats. - I could take another crack at it." Cordy takes down the cue cards: "I don't think so." Doyle: "Weasel factor, huh?" Cordy: "Doyle, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. I'm just... I feel kind of hopeless with him down there doing the non-profit brooding. It's not like he has a heart. How could it be so broken?" Doyle: "I guess seeing Buffy again just got him where he lives." Cordy: "That's all very sad, but we live here too." Doyle: "I'll talk to him." Cordy: "Maybe if we get him a costume!" Doyle: "A costume?" Cordy: "Well, the guy is a bona fide hero, would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us some free publicity?" Doyle: "I don't see Angel putting on some tights... (Takes a deep breath and shakes his head) Ah, now I do, and it's really disturbing." Cut to Angel working out against a punching bag. Doyle: "Hey. Is this a private catharsis or can anyone watch?" Angel still punching the bag: "What do you want?" Doyle: "Well, there's a girl upstairs who's not quite sad enough to cry in may arms, but keep up the dark cloud. I might get lucky." Angel punching: "I just need some time." Doyle: "Believe me I know. Last time I saw my ex, she was around for five minutes and I was a wreck for days. Amazing how they can do that to you." Angel quits punching: "Buffy was here for more then five minutes." Doyle: "Okay, 10, but who's counting?" Angel sits down on the sofa: "Actually she was here for a whole day and night." Doyle: "Alright. One of us has been drinking and I'm sad to say, it's not me." Angel wipes his face with a towel and gets back up: "Who are the Oracles, Doyle? Why didn't you tell me about them before?" Doyle: "The Oracles? Who told you about the Oracles?" Angel: "The first time the Mohra demon attacked it got away." Doyle: "What first time?" Angel: "Look, I tracked it, I killed it, some of its blood mixed with mine. It made me mortal. That's when you took me to see the Oracles to find out what it meant." Doyle: "No, see, I'm going remember a trip to the netherworld of eternal watching. That's just not something that happens every day." Angel sits down in a chair: "The Oracles told me that I was released from my duty. Buffy and I were together until - we realized it couldn't be. - We don't belong to ourselves. We belong to the world, fighting. - So, I went back to the Oracles and I asked them to turn back the clock... as though that day had never happened." Doyle: "Human. You were a real live flesh-and-blood human - and you and Buffy... You had the one thing in your unnaturally long life and you gave it back?!" Angel: "Maybe I was wrong?" Doyle: "Or maybe Cordelia was right about you being the real deal in the hero department. See, I would have chosen the pleasures of the flesh over duty and honor any day of the week. I just don't have that strength.' Angel: "You never know your strength until you're tested." Doyle: "Come on, you lived and loved and lost and fought and vanquished inside a day, and I'm still trying to work up the courage to ask Cordy out for dinner, not to mention the part about telling her that I'm half demon. - That should probably come first, huh?" Angel: "Well, the Oracles said something bad is coming. 'Soldier of Darkness ushering in the end of days' kind of bad." Doyle: "So much for the security of long-term savings bonds, huh?" Angel: "I feel something coming, Doyle. I don't know what, but I know we're a part of it." Doyle: "Well, if it's a fight they want - can't someone else give it to them? (Angel smiles) It seems unfair, you know? You gotta save all the helpless types around here and now you've got to fight the apocalypse as well?" Angel gets up: "It's all the same thing. Fight the good fight - whichever way you can." Doyle: "Tell you what, you fight - and I'll keep score." Cut Cordy and Doyle sitting on the steps in the lobby. Cordy: "Angel started the day over knowing he'd remember everything that happened?" Doyle: "That's pretty amazing, huh?" Cordy: "Uh, amazing that he didn't check the stock quotes or the lotto numbers. Angel should have told us what happened. We can't keep secrets from each other." Doyle: "No we can't - You know I've been doing a lot of thinking about secrets and what not. I know my marriage would have stood a better chance if me and Harriet really just - talked more, really let each other in." Cordy: "So how is she? You two keeping in touch?" Doyle: "She's decided to stay in LA." Cordy: "Oh. So, you'll probably be seeing a lot of each other then." Doyle: "Well, not right away. We both need to get on with our lives." Cordy: "Getting on is good." Doyle: "Yeah, because if I want a relationship that's going to last, I need to put a few cards on the table." Cordy: "Such as...?" Doyle: "The thing of it is, - I'm a little bit more then meets the... (Presses a hand to his head as he gets hit by a vision). Ow!" Cordy as a girl walks by: "Oh, Uh, I know this one! Ah, mask - mask head, ah, the man with two brains!" Cut to blurred pictures of a brick building and some people huddled together. Cordy: "What ever you saw just now - did they look like they could afford to pay?" Cut to a little demon girl running down a street at night. There is a sound of heavy boot treads in the background. The girl drops the box she is carrying, and quickly gathers the stuff back up, clearly afraid. As she turns to continue her flight a hand covers her mouth. A demon boy pulls her down some steps and they huddle watching as a bunch of army boots jog by. Cut to Angel and Doyle searching the old brick building for the people Doyle saw in his vision. The place is deserted and really run down. There are a holes in the walls. Doyle: "Pretty low rent, even by demon standards." Angel: "You said they were hiding. It's a good place for it." They enter a room with a meal still sitting on the table. Angel: "Doyle." Doyle: "Signs of life." Angel: "I smell something." Doyle tastes the food: "Still warm. They left in a hurry." Angel: "Not food. (Throws a carpet aside revealing a trap door) Fear." They open the trap door and shine their flashlights into it revealing a huddled mass of demons of all ages. Angel: "Don't be afraid. It's okay. We're here to help." Cut to all of them sitting in the room. Demon man: "We gave all out money to a man who promised to get us passports and safe passage on a ship. We didn't know. It was stupid of us. He disappeared with our money and the ship never came." Angel: "Where were you going?" Demon: "Briole. Small island off the coast of Equador. Others of our kind have found sanctuary there." Angel: "Sanctuary from whom?" The two demon kids form the street come rushing in. Boy: "They're close. They almost got us. We lost half of our supplies." Elder demon puts a hand on the boy's shoulder: "Rieff, we have a guest. It's the promised one." Rieff: "Terrific." Angel clears his throat: "I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding?" Elder: "Oh, I don't think so. Many of our prophecies are cryptic, but on one thing they are all clear: In the final days of this century the promised one will appear and save us from the Scourge." Angel: "The Scourge." Rieff: "He doesn't even know who they are. How's he supposed to protect us from them?" Elder: Rieff..." Rieff: "They're coming and no matter how many promised guys you throw at them, they're not going to stop until every last one of us is dead. - You're going to get us all killed." Walks out. Elder to Angel: "He's young. I'm sorry. Excuse me." Cut to Doyle staring out the window. Angel to Doyle: "We need to deal with this. They think I'm some promised savior. - What?" Doyle: "The Scourge." Angel: "You know them. What are they?" Doyle: "Death." Cut to a younger Doyle walking into his apartment. He locks the door, drops his jacket then takes the cigarette out of his mouth and picks up a baseball bat. Doyle: "Who's there?" Lukas: "A friend.' Doyle: "I don't have any friends." Lukas: "All right. Maybe I'm more of a relative (steps into the light to show Doyle his spiky demon face) who's in trouble and needs help." Doyle: "What the hell are you talking about? And who the hell are you?" Lucas: "My name is Lucas. I'm a Brachen demon, like yourself. My clan is from Oregon. We've been living in the woods there, safe - until - they came. Not all of us escaped." Doyle: "I don't know what you think I can do. I've got problems of my own." Lucas: "They know we're here. They're coming for us." Doyle: "What are you talking about? Who's coming for you?" Lucas: "The Scourge." Doyle: "Who the hell is that? (Blend to Doyle talking to Angel) An army of pureblooded demons. They have a big hate-on for us mixed heritage types. Very into pedigree. They hunt us down like animals." Angel: "No one fights back?" Doyle: "Sure they do. All the time. You can kill them, but these guys believe in what they're doing. They're ready to die for the cause." Angel: "Hard to fight fanatics." Doyle: "More like impossible." Cut back to the past. Lucas: "I'm not asking you to fight, just help us hide until we can get out of town.' Doyle: "You got the wrong guy, pal. You want to set up a little off-track betting then I've got the know-how. But demon-hiding? It's not my line." Lucas: "You're one of us." Doyle: "No, I'm not. I was raised human. I'm not looking to explore me roots.' Lucas: "We don't have anyone else to turn to." Doyle sits down: "Look, I don't know what to tell you, man. You're up against something real big here. Anybody that helps you - They're taking a chance. And I'm not dying to take chances." Lucas: "Doyle, if you don't believe that we share a common family, believe that we share a common enemy. Doesn't that mean anything to you? (Doyle stays quiet and Lucas turns to leave) Guess not." Cut back to Angel and Doyle. Doyle: "I punked out. I'd only just found out about my demon side. I didn't know what it meant. The idea of having family obligations with guys that looked like big blue pin cushions, it was just a little bit too much to take right then." Angel: "And what happened?" Cut to the past. Doyle is tossing on his bed, fully dressed. Cut to Doyle sitting, smoking a cigarette. There's a knock on the door. Doyle gets up: "Damn it." He gets hit by a vision of Lucas and his clan getting killed. Lucas: "Believe we share a common enemy." Cut to angel and Doyle. Doyle: "When I got the visions for the first time, I thought I was having a stroke. I didn't know what the images meant. But I had to know if what they showed me was a dream - or real." Cut to the younger Doyle walking into a building and finding the corpses of Lucas and his clan. (Beautiful piece of score music, btw) Doyle to Angel: "It wasn't a dream." Angel: "You couldn't have known." Doyle: "These people are going to need more then their mythic promised one. The contractually-obligated 500 might be a start. You can't fight the Scourge, Angel." Angel: "It won't come to that, because we're going to get them out of here." [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to a truck pulling up outside the building. Cut to Cordy walking in the hallway of the building. Cordy: "Hello? - Angel? - Hello? (Cordy gasps as some of the demons step into the hallway and pulls out a little spray bottle) While this may look like a - popular brand of breath freshener (Looks at it and quickly pulls the cap off) it really a cunningly disguised demon repellent!" Sprays the air in front of them. Demon sniffing: "Wintergreen." Doyle pushes through the demons: "Cordy, it's okay. We're here to help them." Cordy puts the spray away: "Oh. Oh, (Smiles at them) hi! (Turns to Doyle) Where's Angel?" Doyle: "He's trying to secure documents to get them out of the country. Did you get the truck?" Cordy: "Yes! It's out front. Hey, Doyle, you did notice that these folks are demons." Doyle: "Yeah, I know that. That doesn't make them bad people." Cordy to the demons: "Excuse us a sec? (Pulls Doyle around a corner) Mission statement check: aren't we supposed to be battling the forces of darkness?" Doyle: "They're not forces of darkness. They're half-human, and they're in trouble. Now, we don't have a lot of time. Angel wants you to go down to the LA harbor, pier 12, slip 4, the Quintessa. Use Angel's name. He knows the Captain." Cordy: "So, we're booking them on a cruise?" Doyle: "Basically, yeah." Cordy: "I'm guessing not Carnival." Doyle: "The guy runs a freighter. He owes Angel some money. He does this, they're even." Cordy: "Ho, ho, hang on! This guy owes Angel money? Why aren't we collecting it?" Doyle: "Cordy, oppressed demon people here, not getting any safer!" Cordy: " So, we're sending them on a cruise, and we're paying for it?" Doyle: "Please. Just do it? We need to know the ship is ready before we can move everyone." Cordy: "Bad things are coming aren't they?" Doyle: "Very bad things." Cordy sighs: "I'm on it." Doyle: "Just give me a call on the cell the minute it's done." Cordy: "Okay." Cut to the office of the harbormaster. Harbormaster: "I could get into a hell of a lot over trouble over this." Angel: "Not as much as if you don't." Harbor Master: "Big Randy is my brother. I look the other way once in a while on some of *his* shipments. It's because he's family. It's not because of the money." Angel: "Family is important." Harbor Master: "You're not going to pay, are you?" Angel: "I'm not going to pay." Harbor Master: "So this is just extortion." Angel: "Big Randy told you about me, right? You know what I am." Harbor Master: "He said you bit him?" Angel pacing around the guy: "No, I never bit him." HarborMaster relieved: "So you don't..." Angel: "I wasn't hungry." Harbor Master: "So, what do you want the documents to say?" Angel: "Certify that the ship is carrying an inspected cargo of medical waste. No one looks inside that ship or stops it from leaving harbor. - If they do, - I'm going to feel that it's your fault. Then look for me to get a little bit peckish." The HarborMaster stares at him wide-eyed for a moment, then quickly finishes the document and hands it to Angel. HarborMaster leaving in a hurry: "Have a nice trip." Cut to the demons building. Demon: "We don't have time for this. What's wrong with that boy?" Doyle: "What is it?" Demon: "Rieff. He took off. He does this every time. He'll be back." Girl: "No he won't. He says there isn't any promised one. He wasn't going to stay here and get killed with the rest of us. We're not going to get killed, are we?" Doyle: "No, no one's going to get killed. (Turns to the demon and gives him the cell phone) Cordelia is going to call. When she does, clear out and go to the ship. If you're not here when I get back, I'll bring the boy to you there. (To the little girl) Hey, - do you know where he went?" Cut to Rieff walking down the street. Doyle comes running: "Rieff! Wait. Wait. (Catches up with him) You're fast." Rieff: "I'm walking. You're just old." Doyle: "Yeah, okay. You know what, we ought to go. Angel's got a way out, a ship." Rieff: "Great. Have fun. Take some Dramamine." Doyle: "You're not coming with?" Rieff: "You can't make me." Doyle: "You're right. You're old enough. It's your choice." Rieff: "Right. A choice. Where do I want to be hated? You wouldn't get it. You're passing. My mother was the same way. You can walk down the street. She took me out with her one day. I was so excited. Just out in the neighborhood with all the other kids. Guess what day it was? (Doyle sighs) What day was it?" Doyle: "It was Halloween." Rieff: "So that's my choice: I can be hated by humans because their scared of me, or by pure-bloods who want to kill me. It's so easy, it's not much of a choice." Doyle: "Seems to me your family is one place where you know you belong. (Rieff walks off) Hey, I bet you that little girl is going to miss you." Rieff: "Yeah, well, she's dead by now. - Or might as well be. They're coming again. I can feel it." Doyle: "It's going to be different this time." Rieff: "Why? Because your friend is the promised one? (Doyle sighs) So you know it's not true." Doyle: "No, I don't. I don't know anything about your people's myths and legends. But I do know Angel, and he's the genuine article." Rieff sarcastic: "My hero." Doyle: "Yeah, that's exactly what he is. And your people can call him 'the promised one' or the 'dark avenger', what does it matter?" Rieff: "It matters because it's a lie!" Doyle: "They put their faith in something, Rieff. You don't have to if you don't want to. Maybe Angel doesn't know what he's doing. It's possible. But the other option: losing yourself somewhere, hoping it all goes away, I *know* that never works. (Rieff swallows) How about we go find your family?" Cut to the ship. Cordy: "Well, it's not exactly the Love Boat, is it?" Captain: "Sorry. We don't haul people. We haul cargo. It's never complained." First mate: "We could bring in some blankets or something. How many are we talking?" Cordy: "Oh, - about 20? Some are short people, you know, children?" Captain: "It won't be the most comfortable thing in the world, but we'll get them where they're going." Cordy pulls out her phone with a sigh: "We'll take it." Cut to Doyle and the boy walking. Rieff: "Hey. This way." Doyle: "Huh?" Rieff: "I thought all Brachen demons had a good sense of direction." Doyle: "Yeah and we're all pretty good at basketball, too." Rieff: "What? (We hear soldiers marching) They're here." Doyle: "Come on, let's go!" They run down a street the soldier not too far behind. Doyle points at a building: "In here." They watch from a window as the Scourge search the neighborhood. Doyle: "Sit tight." Soldier: "Destroy it all!" They smash windows, kick trashcans, set a car on fire. One of the soldiers comes towards their building. Rieff: "Doyle." Doyle: "Stay here. You understand?" Doyle goes demon-faced and runs out the door knocking the soldier out of his way, then leads the Scourge down the road. A hand reaches out and pulls him into another building as he runs by. Doyle: "They're coming." Angel: "Good." Cut to the Scourge walking into the demons' hideout. Soldier: "They were here, Sir, recently." Commander: "And when the lights go out, where do the vermin go? (Kicks the carpet aside. A soldier pulls the trap door open. It's empty) Keep looking." Angel in vamp face: "For what? (Pulls Doyle around a corner) For this? (As some soldier hurry towards him) Back off! It's my kill." Commander: "Vampires don't feed on demon blood." Angel: "Oh please! I wouldn't eat this. He reeks of humanity." Commander: "You're one to talk, vampire. Yours is the lowest of all the half-breeds." Angel: "You think I don't know that? You think I don't smell the humanity inside me day and night - polluting me?" Doyle: "Please, please don't!" Angel breaks his neck and drops him: "Shut up!" Soldier: "A half-breed who murders other half-breeds. Always charming." Angel: "I know who you are. I want to join you." Commander: "Join us? You wish to die?" Angel: "I need to be cleansed and only you can show me the way. (Steps closer) You can kill me if you want you'd only be freeing me. But I can kill half-breeds for you and believe me I can do it faster and better then anyone you got. I know their minds, where they hide, how they think. I can help you." Commander: "Maybe you can." He gestures towards some soldiers and they grab Angel and hustle him out of the room, while he's laughing. Cut to Rieff watching the Scourge come out of the building with Angel in their middle. Soldier: "Clear the area. Bring him. Faster! Move!" Cut to Rieff finding Doyle's body. He kneels down beside him, then jumps back when Doyle blinks his eye. With a groan Doyle wrenches his neck back into place. Doyle: "I think I hated that plan." Rieff: "Can all Brachen demons do that?" Doyle shakes off his demon face: "We're stronger in demon form. But I generally prefer to pass as human." Rieff: "Where is everyone?" Doyle: "Right where they're supposed to be, I hope." Cut to the demons boarding the freighter. Captain: "Look, I've got my clearance from the Harbor Master. We have to go now. I have a schedule to keep." Cordy: "I'm sure they'll be here, Captain. Just a few more minutes." Captain: "Angel said he'd cut my debt in half if I do him this favor, right?" Cordy: "Yep, half, that's what he said. Big whopping 50% - quite a deal." Captain: "He takes 60% off, then I'll wait." Cordy: "You drive a hard bargain." Captain walks away and one of the demons walks up to Cordy. Demon: "I can't thank you and your friends enough. I'm sure Rieff is in safe hands." Cordy: "Doyle will get him here." Demon: "Yea, he is a good one. He understands our suffering." Cordy: "We both do." Demon: "I apologize. I didn't mean to say that you didn't. It's just more familiar to Doyle. He has to live with a certain amount of persecution. You always do when you're half demon." Cordy: "Demon?" Cut to a Scourge meeting. Angel in vamp face with his hair slicked down to the side is standing with the other soldier wearing a gray uniform. Commander: "The other day I was asked: 'Why hunt the mongrel? Doesn't its very inferiority guarantee that it poses no threat? Won't it die of it's own innate mortal stupidity? - Let me tell you, even the smallest of vermin need be addressed. Half-breeds. Worse. They keep crossbreeding. Forever diluting our precious demon blood with *their* weak simpering humanity." Soldiers: "Yeah!" Commander: "If we allow this to happen, it's as good as giving up the call to evil altogether. It's as good as becoming human ourselves. Well, I say NEVER! (Soldiers cheering.) I say we will not stop until each and every half-breed is erased and our purity rules this planet! (More cheers) We will not stop because the Higher Order demands it! (Cheers) Now, - this very evening we take a giant step towards our goal. Tonight the half-breeds that have eluded us will be destroyed. And we know just where to find them, thanks to this good man (gestures to a human being led forward) first mate on the ship they think means salvation, not annihilation. He comes to us for money, but he is a brother to our cause, and we invite him - to witness the power of the beacon." Two soldiers open a door behind the Commander and roll out what looks like a giant, crystal-shaped light suspended in a metal frame. The flick some switches on top of it and it begins to cycle up. Commander: "Tonight the Lister half-breeds will..." Soldier standing next to Angel: "Incredible, isn't it? He makes it all so clear." Angel: "Yes, things are very clear." Commander Tiernan: "The Listers, along with any creature contaminated by human blood, will perish the moment the cleansing light touches them. When the beacon reaches critical mass and detonates its reach will extend a quarter mile in every direction. (To the First Mate) Want to see how it works? (The light reaches him and he goes up in a scream) A fitting end for a sorry mutation. (Muttering from the soldiers) Go now and deliver this, our message! Our victory depends on it!" Cheering. The soldiers run down the hallway. Angel steps out of their midst, and into a side room where he kicks down one of the demons and steals its motorcycle. Cut to Cordy and the Captain pacing the freighter impatiently. Doyle and Rieff come running up. Cordy: "Someone's coming." Demon to Rieff: "Do you have any idea what you put us through? We got to get out of here!" Rieff: "I'm sorry." Demon: "lets get you down with the others." Rieff slaps Doyle's hand: "Thanks." Doyle looks at Cordy: "What?" Cordy: "You're alive!" Doyle: "And you're not happy?" Cordy: "We were worried." Doyle: "Oh. Well, its all going to be okay. (Cordy slaps him) What was that for?" Cordy: "Why didn't you tell me that you were half demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad!" Doyle: "I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. I thought if I did, you'd reject me." Cordy: "I've rejected you way before now! So, you're half demon. Big Whoop! I can't believe you'd think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire! Hello?" Doyle: "It's true. I just..." Cordy: "What do you think I am, superficial? - So you're half demon. That's so far down the list, way under 'short' and 'poor'! - Is there anything else I should know?" Doyle: "The half demons thing is pretty much my big secret." Cordy: "Good. That's out. It's done. - Would you ask me out to dinner already?" Doyle: "Yeah? (Cordy smiles at him) Cordelia. Would you like..." Cordy looks past him: "It's Angel!" Angel in human face drives up on his motorcycle, gets off and runs up the gangplank. Angel: "We have to shove off now." Cordy: "What's going on?" Captain: "I can't! I can't find my first mate!" Angel: "You won't. We're going. Get to the bridge." Doyle: "Angel, they're here." The Scourge is pulling up on the pier in trucks and on motorcycles. Doyle: "Angel." Angel: "Get below. Lock the doors." Doyle: "What?" Angel: "Move! Now! Stay with the others." Cut to Doyle yelling into the hold: "Lock the doors. The Scourge is here. We're shoving off. We're gonna make it." Cut to Angel waiting for the soldiers that run up the gangplank while the freighter pulls away from the pier. Commander: "You lied to us, half-breed." Angel: "You catch on quick, football-head." Tiernan: "Kill him, painfully." The soldiers tackle Angel and they fight, but Angel is able to take out the four soldiers in pretty quick order. Tiernan attacks him and they are a bit more evenly matched. They burst through a door and fall down some stairs in the cargo hold. As Cordy and the others watch they fall over the railing and land side by side on a lower catwalk. As Angel gets up he sees the beacon, already lit, being lowered into the hold on a chain. Angel: "It's going to detonate. Get out! Everybody out!" The Lister demons scramble to comply while Tiernan grabs Angel and tries to choke him. Tiernan: "Welcome to a cleaner world. Soon only the pure bloods will be left standing." Angel: "Actually, pure boy (He breaks Tiernan's grip) You'll be on your ass (breaks his neck and drops him)." Doyle tries to open a door: "Ahh! They're locked from the outside. We're trapped!" Doyle and Cordy climb up a ladder to the same level that Angel is on and they all meet on a platform level with the beacon. Doyle: "What does that thing do?" Angel: "Its light kills anything with human blood." Doyle: "Well, it's getting brighter and that doohickey - it's fully armed, isn't it?" Angel: "Almost. If I pull the cable, I think I can still shut it off." Doyle: "How're you gonna do that without touching the light?" Cordy: "Angel, that's suicide." Doyle: "There's got to be another way." Angel looks at the demons in the hold then at Cordy: "It's all right." Cordy: "No!" Angel puts a hand on Doyle's shoulder. Doyle puts his hand on Angel's arm: "The good fight, yeah? - You never know until you've been tested. - I get that now." Doyle hauls back and hits Angel with a hard right to the chin, knocking him down into the cargo hold. Doyle turns to Cordy and they kiss. There is a strange blue light between their lips just before they part. Not sure if it's from the beacon shining behind them or if it means something else. Doyle steps back: "Too bad we'll never know (Morphs into his demons face) if this is a face you could learn to love." Angel picks himself up of the floor of the cargo hold, runs over to the ladder and climbs back up. Angel: "Doyle. Doyle. Doyle! Doyle! NO!" Doyle jumps over to the beacon just before Angel reaches the platform. He grabs a hold of its metal frame, turns his head and smiles at Angel and Cordy. Angel: "No!" Doyle morphs back to human and tries to pull the cable connection apart as the light gets brighter and starts to melt the skin off his face. Everybody watches spellbound as Doyle manages to pull the cable apart just before he burns up. The beacon goes dark. All the Lister demons stare at the fading beacon in shock. Cordy starts crying and Angel pulls her into a hug, teary-eyed himself. Cut to Angel and Cordy watching the videotape of the commercial Doyle did at the beginning of the episode. Doyle: "If you need help. Then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low." Cordy: "Rates!" Doyle points to the papers taped on the windows behind her: "It says 'rats'. - Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here - someone that will go all the way, no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world. (Clears his throat) Is that it? Am I done?"
Plan: A: Doyle; Q: Who knocks Angel out and kisses Cordelia? A: a vision; Q: How does Doyle learn about the Lister demons? A: part human Lister demons; Q: What is the band of demons trying to escape from The Scourge? A: The Scourge; Q: Who is the army of storm-trooper demons that Doyle sees? A: "pure" blood; Q: What do the Scourge claim? A: "mixed" blood; Q: What type of blood does The Scourge persecute? A: a strayed Lister teen; Q: Who does Doyle go after? A: Cordelia; Q: Who does Doyle confess his love for to? A: details; Q: What does Cordelia handle of the escape plan? A: Angel; Q: Who infiltrates the enemy and discovers their secret weapon? A: the Beacon; Q: What is the name of the bomb-like device that The Scourge uses to combust anyone with a taint of human blood? A: a climactic showdown; Q: What happens aboard a tramp freighter? A: his half-demon heritage; Q: What does Doyle finally confess to Cordelia? A: the video Doyle; Q: What do Angel and Cordelia watch after Doyle dies? Summary: Doyle's own chance for atonement comes sooner than expected when he receives a vision that a band of part human Lister demons are trying to escape from The Scourge, an army of supremacist storm-trooper demons who claim "pure" blood and consequently persecute those of "mixed" blood. While Doyle goes after a strayed Lister teen and Cordelia handles details of the escape plan, Angel infiltrates the enemy and discovers their secret weapon, a bomb-like device called the Beacon that combusts anyone with any taint of human blood. Events lead to a climactic showdown aboard a tramp freighter, where Doyle finally confesses his half-demon heritage-and his love for her-to Cordelia. Angel attempts to sacrifice himself to destroy the Beacon as it begins to operate, but Doyle, himself a half-breed demon, knocks Angel out, kisses Cordelia, disables the Beacon, and dies from its effects. Angel and Cordelia later sadly watch the video Doyle had been making.
MUSIC IN: INT. HUMVEE - DAY SEABROOK: (V.O.) Retesting evasive driving techniques. (ON CAMERA) Third time's a charm, Otto. You can do it. (MUSIC OVER ACTION SCENES /HUMVEE DRIVES THROUGH THE TEST COURSE) SEABROOK: Give me a one-eighty, Otto. (MUSIC OVER DRIVING SCENES) SEABROOK: Yes! Didn't touch a single cone on that run! I would call that a pass, baby. Phase two. This one's for you, Torsten. Go for it, Otto. Make me proud. (MUSIC OVER DRIVING SCENES) SEABROOK: (V.O.) Avoiding civilian casualties during high speed egress. (SFX: TIRES SCREECH) SEABROOK: Oops! Sorry about that, Torsten. (CHUCKLES) Need to recalibrate the braking-to-service algorithm. That was my fault, Otto. Not yours. Test concluded. Take me home, Otto! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY (HUMVEE DRIVES INTO THE GARAGE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HUMVEE - DAY SEABROOK: Hm...(V.O.) still a few bugs to work out, (ON CAMERA) but Otto and I are both feeling much better about the drive-off next week. Oh, note for Jamie. Fuel pressure gauge is fluctuating. (SFX: ELECTRIC DOORS CLICK SHUT/SEAT BELT LOCKS) (SFX: SEABROOK GASPS) SEABROOK: Malfunction in the electrical system at zero six thirty eight. Initiating software shutdown. (SFX: HUMVEE ENGINE STARTS) (SFX: SEABROOK COUGHING) SEABROOK: Exhaust in the cabin. Otto's core is frozen. I'm hitting the kill switch. (SFX: SEABROOK STRUGGLES/ COUGHS) SEABROOK: Come on! Come on! I'm trapped in the... (COUGHS) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: CLOSE ON BLUE SCREEN: Sexual Harrassment Don't let it happen to you. TAYLOR: (V.O.) Lights please. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY TAYLOR: From the video presentation, it's clear that sexual harassment can take many forms in the work place. A co-worker with "elevator eyes" looking you up and down. A co-worker shows you a cartoon or photo of a sexual nature. TONY: (TO MCGEE) If you're lucky. TAYLOR: A co-worker's hand accidentally brushes up against your body. ZIVA: (TO TONY) If you're really lucky. TAYLOR: Physical contact can be divided into three categories. Green light includes normal behavior. Yellow light includes borderline behavior such as hugging someone or ...(BEAT) Yes? ABBY: What's wrong with hugging people? I hug people all the time! TAYLOR: You may see it as friendly, but your co-workers may find it offensive. ABBY: You guys get offended when I hug you? TONY: No! (ALL: "No!") ABBY: I'm hugging you all in my mind right now. TAYLOR: D.O.D. policy is very clear about this point, Miss. You must first ask permission before making physical contact with a co-worker. ABBY: Like... every time? TAYLOR: Yes. And finally, there's red light behavior such as deliberate, unwelcomed, touching. (SFX: TONY SHOUTS/JUMPS FROM THE CHAIR) TAYLOR: (LONG BEAT) Another question? TONY: Yeah. What if you slap someone in the back of the head like this? Would that be considered an inappropriate behavior? TAYLOR: Absolutely. Are you saying that this has actually happened? TONY: (LONG BEAT) No, I was just wondering. That's all. TAYLOR: Yes? (PHONE RINGS) JIMMY: Uh, yes. Uh... what if part of your job.... GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. JIMMY: ... includes touching naked people, and... TAYLOR: That's inappropriate at any time. JIMMY: Even if they're dead? TAYLOR: Why are you touching dead, naked people? JIMMY: You see, I work in Autopsy. TAYLOR: Can we try to keep this discussion focused on the topic? GIBBS: Gear up! (TO SHEPARD) Navy Lieutenant's been found dead in an R and D facility in Fairfax. TAYLOR: Wait, I can't mark you as attending unless you're here for all of it. SHEPARD: Uh, Miss Taylor, I will take excellent notes for them. TAYLOR: Okay. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. GARAGE - DAY GIBBS: Ducky won't be here. He's got to take his mom to the hospital. JIMMY: Is Victoria all right? GIBBS: Well, she cut herself shaving. And for some reason, he thinks you can handle this, Palmer. JIMMY: Um... what do you think, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Well, I don't know, Palmer. You got me a T.O.D.? JIMMY: Yes! According to the liver probe, she died two hours and eighteen minutes ago. GIBBS: Does it tell you how? JIMMY: Actually, the probe only tells you the difference between ambient temperature and ... but you already know all this. Uh... tentatively, I'd say she died from hypoxia, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: Carbon monoxide poisoning. JIMMY: Yeah, most likely. In sixty percent of cases it's accidental. And the other twenty-nine percent - they're self-inflicted. GIBBS: Well, I'm more concerned with the three percent you left out. MCGEE: Palmer, he's talking about the ones deliberately murdered this way. GIBBS: (V.O.) How'd she get on the floor? ZIVA: A co-worker found her in the passenger seat, in there, door still closed and the engine running. MCGEE: He drove it out, attempted CPR. Tony's taking his statement now. GIBBS: What kind of vehicle is this? MCGEE: It is a second-generation, fully-autonomous A-I operated vehicle, Boss. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. I can see that, McGee. I mean, other than the obvious. ZIVA: Wait, you actually understood that? You know what it does then? GIBBS: Yeah. Your basic second-generation, A-I autonomous stuff. (BEAT) Where the hell does the driver sit? ZIVA: That's the point. There isn't one. It drivers itself. MCGEE: Boss, A-I stands for artificial intelligence. It's a robot. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MAIN LAB - DAY ENGLER: All I'm saying, Agent Dinozzo, is our entire team is under a tremendous amount of stress. We're competing against dozens of teams. Three and a half years of work and it all comes down to a single proof-of-concept test. TONY: Robot car race? ENGLER: In crude terms, yes. TONY: What do you get if you win? ENGLER: Recognition in my field. TONY: What about one of those cool trophies like they hand out in NASCAR? ENGLER: I wouldn't know. I'm a scientist, not a redneck. TONY: It is the fastest growing sport in the country. I rest my case. ENGLER: In my opinion, it's clear what happened here. When I found Seabrook, she was sitting in Otto with the diagnostic bay doors closed and the engine running. What's that tell you? TONY: You think she killed herself? ENGLER: I do. TONY: What about an accident? Or a malfunction? ENGLER: All she had to do to shut Otto down was to flick the kill switch. It was right in front of her on the dash board. Obviously, she couldn't face her own faults and missed deadline, so... she took the coward's away out. PIKE: That's enough, Torsten! ENGLER: She's dead, Russell. There's no need for you to continue the charade of defending her. PIKE: I'm Doctor Pike, project leader. Where is Lieutenant Seabrook? Could you... stop? Can I... can I see her? Roni... what have you done? (SFX: BAG UNZIPS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. GARAGE - DAY MCGEE: (V.O.) Ziva, you have really got to see this! ZIVA: See what, McGee? MCGEE: It's an Atlas-Seven CPU! The same one developed for the Martian rovers. ZIVA: And how does this pertain to the case? MCGEE: Oh, it doesn't. I just thought it was cool. If you think about this-- (SFX: ZIVA SLIPS AND LANDS ON MCGEE) ZIVA: That better be your handcuff. TONY: I believe this is a classic "yellow light" situation. ZIVA: Stop moving, McGee! My hand's stuck! MCGEE: Okay. TONY: That's not the only thing that's stuck. Make that "red light" situation. ENGLER: What are you doing? TONY: Investigating a dead Naval Officer. ENGLER: That's a twenty-two million dollar piece of equipment, you - you people are jeopardizing my entire project! TONY: We're doing our jobs. What'd you find? MCGEE: Ah, it's a USB cable. Still attached to the console in the passenger side. ZIVA: Also bagged a battery for a laptop in the front seat. ENGLER: I removed it up top. TONY: We'll need it. ENGLER: Absolutely not. It contains a backup copy of Otto's A.I. TONY: Well, whatever that is, we'll need that, too. ENGLER: That is Otto. ZIVA: Already got it covered, Tony. Tow truck should be here any minute now. ENGLER: This is... this is our only prototype! You people... you people are... you're.... TONY: We're cops, Federal agents, police officers. Maybe if you sound it out, it's easier. You know, English as a third language is always the trickiest one. ZIVA: I'll take the laptop now, please. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PIKE'S OFFICE - DAY PIKE: I've known Roni for almost ten years, Agent Gibbs. She was one of my brightest students at M.I.T. An exceptional mind. Light years ahead of her peers when it came to the field of artificial intelligence. GIBBS: Machines that can think. PIKE: Yes. GIBBS: So that Humvee can think? PIKE: Only about driving. An easy task for you or me, but for a machine it takes millions of calculations a second, and complex reasoning skills. GIBBS: According to the Navy, your thinking car is a joint project with them and Azeon. PIKE: They've been very good to us as far as R and D resources go. GIBBS: Meaning money? PIKE: And Lieutenant Seabrook's time. GIBBS: We're going to need your security tapes and access logs that you keep, Doctor. PIKE: She wasn't even supposed to be here this morning, Agent Gibbs. She worked late last night. I... I gave her the morning off. GIBBS: She didn't take it. She died in your garage zero six forty this morning. PIKE: She must have come in to run a test. She's... was a perfectionist. Never satisfied. Traits I'm afraid I encouraged her in. GIBBS: Sitting in a running vehicle inside an enclosed space is not a bright idea. PIKE: Trust me, Agent Gibbs. Roni was not the type to kill herself. GIBBS: What type was she, Doctor? PIKE: Driven. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Lieutenant Seabrook's Naval career was most unusual. No deployments, and as far as I can tell, she never set foot on a ship. TONY: Well, she was an egg head. They don't recruit them to fight wars. ZIVA: No, just to build machines for fighting them. Maybe she had enough. TONY: Enough of what? ZIVA: You'd be surprised how many weapon designers take their own lives. MCGEE: I might have a better motive. Azeon had everything leveraged on Otto. It fails the drive-off, the company goes bankrupt. ZIVA: Sabotage. MCGEE: Someone wanted them to fail. ZIVA: Not bad, McGee. TONY: I've got one better than better. Curious to know what follows "red light" behavior, Ziva? ZIVA: Uh... potential pregnancy? TONY: That's a good guess, but not in this case. Check this out. I ran the security footage taken from the lab. Zero one fifteen. Last two people present were our Lieutenant and this guy. Azeon's chief mechanic, Jamie Jones. Hold onto your socks. It gets a little steamy.(SFX: KEYBOARDING) MCGEE: What about the video from this morning when she died? TONY: Oh, yeah! Why didn't I think of that? Someone erased it. The last image taken from any camera stops at zero five thirty-seven this morning. And then nothing but snow. ZIVA: She was murdered. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Did you find my bag, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: In the trunk of your car, Doctor. DUCKY: Oh, thank you. I'm sorry if I seem a bit flustered today. JIMMY: Well, it's understandable, Doctor. Where did your mother cut herself? DUCKY: Well, let's just say that a woman in her nineties should not be using a straight-edge razor when grooming, and leave it at that. Are you hiding a secret from me, Mister Palmer? Well, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm thinking of doing the same thing myself. JIMMY: You are? DUCKY: Yes. Only in my case I have to be careful of heart strain and muscle fatigue. How long have you been pumping? JIMMY: (CHUCKLES/STAMMERS) I wouldn't call it "pumping", Doctor. DUCKY: Well, whatever they call it these days, I'm impressed with you. JIMMY: Really? DUCKY: Yes, you've certainly got yourself in shape. Have you joined a gym? JIMMY: (BEAT) A gym!? Yes! Yes, I have... a few months ago. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSE) GIBBS: What do we got, Duck? DUCKY: Oh, Mister Palmer's initial assumption was correct. Lieutenant Seabrook died of carbon monoxide poisoning. GIBBS: Tell me something I don't know. DUCKY: The levels of CO in her blood - five times the fatal dose. Yes, she was probably rendered unconscious in less than thirty seconds. GIBBS: Not possible unless she was-- DUCKY: She was breathing in the exhaust fumes directly from the tailpipe. GIBBS: Or someone pumped it into the vehicle. DUCKY: Which makes sense in light of what else I found. Evidence of assault. Look at her wrists. They're bruised. GIBBS: She was restrained. DUCKY: And I also found what appeared to be bite marks on her inner thighs and back. GIBBS: Run a rape kit. DUCKY: I did. That's when I found this. An intrauterine device. More commonly known as an I.U.D. JIMMY: Is it just me, or does anyone else wonder how they get those ol' things in there? (BEAT) That probably sounded a lot more inappropriate than I meant. GIBBS: Do you think, Palmer? DUCKY: As I was saying, when I ran the rape kit, I found fresh male genetic material from last night or early this morning. Abby's running the samples now. I also found traces of engine oil and a particular kind of lotion on her hair and skin. JIMMY: The main ingredient was pumice. GIBBS: Grease-monkey soap. DUCKY: Yeah, except her nails and hands are clean. The skin is soft, no calluses to speak of. GIBBS: Not her soap. DUCKY: No. She certainly wasn't a regular user. GIBBS: Thanks, Duck. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Did you learn nothing in that class this morning, Mister Palmer? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Jamie Jones was arrested in nineteen ninety-eight for assault and battery on his girlfriend, and she dropped the charges and married him six months later. TONY: Well, there's no accounting for taste. Look at Brittany and K-Fed. ZIVA: At least she was smart enough to ask for a divorce. MCGEE: So was Jones' wife. Divorced three years ago. Ooh, and there's a retraining order. ZIVA: Shocking. MCGEE: Not on him. He got it against his ex-wife. TONY: Lieutenant Seabrook wasn't alone at Azeon last night, Boss. GIBBS: She was with a mechanic. TONY: Yeah. The Azeon security cameras caught it. ZIVA: And there was evidence she was... GIBBS: Sexually assaulted? Ducky thinks she was raped. TONY: Yeah, check this out. (MUSIC OVER VIDEO FOOTAGE) GIBBS: You got a warrant yet? TONY: Yeah. Right here. Name's Jamie Jones. Ziva and I were going to pick him up. GIBBS: Not anymore. You're processing the Lieutenant's apartment. MCGEE: Boss, what about me? GIBBS: You get with Abby. CO levels in that vehicle were off the chart. You find out how he did it! (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) ZIVA: Ah, letting me drive? TONY: No, I'm meeting you there. I need to drop something off at the hospital. ZIVA: What? TONY: A stool sample. Would you like to see it? ZIVA: Do you want me to stab you in the eye with my knife? Huh. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) MCGEE: Abby? ABBY: (V.O.) Over here! MCGEE: Over where? ABBY: (V.O.) Over down here! MCGEE: I'm trying to decide if this is a "yellow light" or a "red light" situation. ABBY: You only wish I was still sexually harassing you. MCGEE: So uh... Gibbs wants us to figure out how so much CO got pumped into the vehicle's cabin. ABBY: ABBY: Okay, first of all, McGee, his name is Otto. (SPELLS) O.T.T.O. It's a Palindrome. And second, he is so much more than a vehicle. (CONT.) I've never seen programming like this. It's complex, elegant, visionary - it's way out of my league. You? MCGEE: I got lost about about fifty lines in. Seabrook was operating on a whole different level. ABBY: If they use the AI to sabotage or redirect the exhaust into the ventilation system, that could take us months to track. MCGEE: Make sure you tell Gibbs that. ABBY: I did. I told him we needed help from the Azeon people. MCGEE: How? Right now they're all suspects. ABBY: That's what he said. MCGEE: Great. How long did he give us this time? ABBY: Today. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MAIN LAB - DAY ENGLER: This is completely unacceptable. When do we get our vehicle back? GIBBS: When we're done with it. ENGLER: Doing what? GIBBS: Figuring out how it was used to kill Lieutenant Seabrook. ENGLER: Are all NCIS agents this stupid? PIKE: Mister Engler! Insulting our guest won't bring Otto back here any sooner. ENGLER: Of course. My apologies. How long will it take for you to figure out Roni killed herself, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Who said she killed herself? ENGLER: She was the only one down here this morning! GIBBS: You mean except for you? PIKE: Torsten, take a break. I'll handle this. ENGLER: You'd better, Russell. He's jeopardizing the entire future of this company. (ENGLER WALKS O.S.) PIKE: What he was trying to say was that this proof of concept test is make or break time for us, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: Reschedule it. PIKE: I tried. The D.O.D. won't budge on the dates. Dozens of teams are flying in from all over the world! GIBBS: Then you'd better help me find Lieutenant Seabrook's killer. Where's your chief mechanic? PIKE: Jamie? No. No, not possible. He got along very well with Roni. They were very good friends. GIBBS: He sexually assaulted her in this garage last night. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. HOSPITAL - DAY (SFX: VOICES B.G.) JEANNE: Oh, right. Come on. TONY: Definitely a yellow light. JEANNE: Cytology tests take seventy-two hours. But Doctor House gets the results back in ten minutes. It's ridiculous. TONY: In the entertainment world they call that suspension of disbelieve, actually. JEANNE: Tony! TONY: Hi. JEANNE: What are you doing here? TONY: Oh, well, I was in the area and I thought I would drop this off. JEANNE: You found it! TONY: Yes, I did. JEANNE: Thank you. TONY: Uh... who's the guy molesting your neck over there? JEANNE: Oh. TONY: I'm curious. JEANNE: Am I detecting a little bit of jealousy here? TONY: Huh. Me? (CHUCKLES) Jealous? Yeah. Who was he? JEANNE: He's gay. TONY: Okay. Good. JEANNE: What's next? Insisting that I can't see other people? TONY: Oh, no. That would.... that would just be cruel. JEANNE: You're the one who was too busy to see me last night. TONY: Yeah. And I'll make it up to you. JEANNE: When? TONY: Tomorrow? I promise. JEANNE: Promise. TONY: What's that - marking your territory? JEANNE: Oh, just a reminder until you make good on your promise. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. APARTMENT - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA WALKS THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM) (DOOR OPENS) TONY: Looks like she did a Trading Spaces with John Nash. Russell Crowe played him in Beautiful Mind, the Ron Howard movie about the insane mathematician. ZIVA: What kind of tests are you getting done? TONY: Why? Are you worried about me? ZIVA: You're keeping a paper bag filled with crap in your desk. What do you think? TONY: I think you should go and check the bedroom. That is, unless you want me to come with you... and help? (BEAT) What? ZIVA: Just wondering if offering to take me to a bedroom constitutes sexual harassment. TONY: Well, if you have to ask then it's not harassment. ZIVA: (V.O.) Tony, get in here! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BEDROOM - DAY ZIVA: I just found Jamie Jones. JONES: (MUFFLED) Untie me! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM ZIVA: What do you think, Tony? TONY: Well, you saw the video of him assaulting Lieutenant Seabrook. ZIVA: Doesn't explain how he ended up tied to her bedposts, with a ball gag in his mouth. TONY: Well, have you ever heard of accomplices? (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: Oh. (INTO PHONE) Tony.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) Am I catching you at a bad time? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Ah, what can I do for you? (SCENE CUT) JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) Tomorrow night I was thinking of sushi. There's a great new place in Georgetown. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay. JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) Oh, don't sound so excited. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) I'm at work. But right. Got it. Okay. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (TONY AND ZIVA STRUGGLE OVER THE CELL PHONE) TONY: What part of inappropriate touching don't you understand? ZIVA: Uni Hospital? Test results came back already? TONY: I'm pregnant. McGee's going to be very proud. (BEAT) What are you looking at? Keep an eye on the jump suit. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY MCGEE: Seabrook's got a bunch of MP3 files on here. All created over the last twenty-four hours. ABBY: Do you think she was illegally downloading? MCGEE: No, they were recorded with a laptop's microphone. I think she was making verbal observations while running her test. I'm going to line up the time stamps. She might have made a recording while she was dying. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HUMVEE - DAY ABBY: So she was in the passenger seat. (DOOR CLOSES) ABBY: Probably ... buckled her seatbelt. If she was tied to something, what would she be tied to? Hm... (SFX: SEATBELTS ELECTRONICALLY LOCK) (SFX: WINDOWS RAISE) (SFX: ENGINE STARTS) ABBY: (SHOUTS) McGee! McGee! (MUFFLED) McGee! McGee! McGee! McGee, help me! McGee! (SFX: ABBY COUGHING) (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. GARAGE - DAY (SFX: ENGINE B.G.) ABBY: (SHOUTS/MUFFLED) McGee! McGee! Help! (SHOUTS/MUFFLED) It won't open! The kill switch - (COUGHS) (ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) (SFX: EMERGENCY WARNING HORN B.G.) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Cover your face! (SFX: GUNSHOT) (SFX: GLASS SHATTERS) (DOOR OPENS) (SFX: ABBY COUGHING) ABBY: Permission to hug! GIBBS: You know you never have to ask, Abby. MCGEE: What happened!? GIBBS: Get the chair! ABBY: I almost bought the farm, McGee! I saw that old lady telling me to run to the light. MCGEE: Boss, my back was only turned for a few seconds. GIBBS: A few more seconds, McGee, she'd be dead. (TO ABBY) Are you okay? ABBY: Yeah. Really light-headed. (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN /CLOSE) TONY: Boss! Evidence cage called in an emergency! GIBBS: It was me, Dinozzo. Stand down. ZIVA: You attacked a car? GIBBS: Car tried to kill Abby. ABBY: I think there was a short. When I tried to unbuckle my seatbelt, it pinned me back and the windows shut, and the engine started. It triggered all the doors in the car to lock. And then the whole cabin filled up with exhaust. A few minutes more I would have been singing hymns with my angels right now. MCGEE: Abby, I'd have noticed before then. ABBY: Then I would have hugged you, McGee. TONY: So Lieutenant Seabrook was killed by a malfunction? MCGEE: Too many variables. GIBBS: It was deliberate. ZIVA: The Lieutenant was set up to look like suicide. TONY: I think it's time we had a heart-to-heart with Jones, Boss. GIBBS: How'd he do it? (LOUDLY) It's not a damn quiz, McGee! Find out! MCGEE: On it. GIBBS: What'd you say to Jones? TONY: Nothing. He's been asking about Lieutenant Seabrook, acting like she's still alive. GIBBS: Come on. Ducky's checking you out. ABBY: I'm fine. I just-- GIBBS: It's not a request, Abby. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY TONY: This is not good. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) JONES: Look, this is all just a big misunderstanding, Agent Gibbs. All you have to do is call one phone number, man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM GIBBS: Lawyer. JONES: No. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM JONES: Roni. Look, I know what it must look like back at her apartment. But ... GIBBS: Lieutenant Seabrook's your girlfriend now? JONES: Yeah. We've worked together for a few years. We started dating maybe six months back. GIBBS: Dating? JONES: Yeah. GIBBS: (BEAT) What's that look like? JONES: It's a stupid game, man. Only when we're alone. GIBBS: You like games, Jones? JONES: We're just role-playing, all right? It's not like we're freaks. Come on, man. Am I going to lose my security clearance over this?! GIBBS: Hey! You almost killed-- [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM GIBBS: ... one of my people today!! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM JONES: What? ZIVA: That damn Humvee you used to kill Lieutenant Seabrook! JONES: Roni? What the hell are you talking about? GIBBS: Roni is downstairs, Jones, on a steel slab! JONES: (BEAT) This is one of her jokes, right? (BEAT) Is she behind the glass? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM JONES: Huh? (SHOUTS) Because if you are, Roni, this isn't funny! (PAUSE) Roni? Tell me that's not her. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. GARAGE - NIGHT MCGEE: I did it, Abby. I know how they got in. ABBY: How'd you know I was here? MCGEE: I didn't. Abby, I'm sorry for... ABBY: I know. (ABBY HUGS MCGEE) MCGEE: I thought you were supposed to ask for permission first? ABBY: Never with you, Tim. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM ZIVA: He's telling the truth. GIBBS: Just a quick test run and she's coming right back to him. (CELL PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) McGee figured it out! GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Right with you, Abs. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY MCGEE: The reason that we couldn't find how they hacked the AI program was they didn't. ABBY: They snuck in before the system was even online. GIBBS: Makes sense. MCGEE: There were a series of commands inserted into the flash memory of the bios at boot-up. ABBY: They waited until the conditions were met, and then BAM! Killer-car syndrome. MCGEE: Once executed, it purged from memory. The only trace left, an extra space on one of the motherboard's bio chips. GIBBS: I figured it'd be something like that. ABBY: Right. Um... we know the program was flashed from a physical devise that was tied into the system. MCGEE: Memory stick, SD card. We just need to find it. ABBY: When we do, we'll have the killer code and a clue to who wrote it. (BEAT) I think we lost him. We need to try it again, but slower. GIBBS: So what you're saying, for example, we need to find something this small in a Humvee jammed with twenty-two million dollars worth of electronics. MCGEE: Pretty much. GIBBS: We're screwed. ABBY: That is an excellent point. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - NIGHT TONY: You wanted to see me? SHEPARD: You have plans tonight, Tony. TONY: Actually, no. Tomorrow I'm going to a-- SHEPARD: It wasn't a question. We've had these three (V.O.) under observation ever since you tagged their bags at the airport. They made reservations for dinner tonight... here. The reservation (ON CAMERA) is for four. I want to know who they're meeting with. TONY: Excellent. I've always wanted to try the food at this place, but it's a little outside of my price range. SHEPARD: You won't be inside. We couldn't risk them IDing you as the baggage handler from the airport. TONY: So what's the plan? SHEPARD: We're going to take a more covert approach on this one. TONY: Oh. Did I ever tell you covert's my middle name? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS) In my perspective.... I see the people from the big jet plane. The woman looks Teutonic, she drinks a vodka tonic, and two bald men sit with her, waiting for a fourth. They're not going to order that main course until that person comes. (TO DOG) Hey! Everybody's a critic. Am-scray! Get out of here!(SFX: TONY PLAYS THE GUITAR/ SINGS) (SFX: DOG WHINES B.G.) WOMAN: (V.O.) I thought sure... but will you call me... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - NIGHT SHEPARD: Keep your eyes on the prize, Tango-Eight. I may even let you keep the money you're making. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS) Oh sorry! I just do... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS/V.O.) ... what I can. SHEPARD: You're not going to sing the whole thing, are you? TONY: (SINGS/V.O.) I've got to do... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS) ... what I got to do. I am just a man. Oh! Speaking of man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS/V.O.).... Another man walked through that front door wearing a polka dot scarf. Will he join the table? I don't know. Yes, he does! And greets the pretty lady. What do they say? Who knows? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS) He's sitting at the table with the other people from the plane. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - NIGHT SHEPARD: Stay steady on the target, Target-Eight. I want his photo. Isolate and freeze frame! TONY: (SINGS/V.O.) They are having a conversation. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS) A heavy, heavy, conversation. That man talk-a, talk-a.... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS/V.O.) ...talk-a lot. He talk-a, talk-a, talk-a lot. Jenny... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (SINGS) ...do you think I've been made? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY TONY: (SINGS/V.O.) Do you see what I see? SHEPARD: Relax, Tango-Eight. I'm sure he's just checking his reflection in the glass. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. GARAGE - DAY ABBY: Hey, what was that movie where they took the whole car apart? MCGEE: I'm not Tony. ABBY: Come on. You know the one. They were looking for heroin and they took apart that entire car? MCGEE: Still not Tony. Abby, I think I found it! (SFX: KEYBOARDING) MCGEE: That's it. That's the kill program. ABBY: Yes! GIBBS: That's a good job. Now put it back together. (BEAT) As in now. ABBY: Gibbs, what's the rush? GIBBS: The Director just assured the Secretary of the Navy we were handling this thing with kid gloves. ABBY: Well, we didn't get that memo! Because, you know, we're wearing latex. GIBBS: Well, they want a team from Azeon to come by and check and make sure we didn't break anything. MCGEE: When? GIBBS: Two hours. MCGEE: Boss, it took us ten just to take it apart! (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) GIBBS: Yeah, that's why I brought you help. JONES: And Roni would be in tears if she saw Otto like this. GIBBS: Can you do it or not, Jones? JONES: Does he have to run? GIBBS: It'd be nice. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Are you all right? TONY: Define "all right?" ZIVA: You find out the results from the medical tests yet? TONY: Not yet. What time is the Azeon team getting here? ZIVA: Oh, forty minutes ago. You fell asleep. Gibbs and Jenny are stalling them in her office now. ENGLER: (V.O.) If you've discovered the problem with the vehicle... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY ENGLER: ... we can fix it. GIBBS: It wasn't a problem. It was sabotage. ENGLER: By whom? SHEPARD: An expert in artificial intelligence. PIKE: Then it wasn't Jamie. ENGLER: It must be one of the companies we're competing against. They - they know that they can't beat us in a fair fight. PIKE: The winner of the drive-off gets the entire D.O.D. contract, Director Shepard. Not just the Navy's. SHEPARD: The Navy's banking on you, Doctor. (CELL PHONE RINGS) SHEPARD: It's why I've agreed to the Secretary's request that you visually inspect Otto. ENGLER: When?! SHEPARD: Right now if you'd like. Agent Gibbs, would you mind escorting us? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL WALK THROUGH THE SQUAD ROOM) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN) ENGLER: (BEAT) Where is Otto? SHEPARD: Gibbs? (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY SHEPARD: We have let a robot-killer Humvee loose on the streets of Washington! MCGEE: Uh, technically, Director, it's a second generation, fully autonomous-- SHEPARD: I don't care what it's called! Find it! Fast! ZIVA: BOLO. On it, Boss. TONY: I'll take the Beltway. MCGEE: Abby and I will see if we can access Otto's system remotely. JONES: I think I might be able to help with that. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY MCGEE: Someone had to send Otto a remote command and navigational data. All we have to do is find it. ABBY: So we can back-trace it to our bad guy. MCGEE: If we access the vehicle, can we remotely operate it? JONES: Yeah. I've seen Roni do it before. MCGEE: How? JONES: I don't know, man. I'm just a mechanic, all right? This A.I. stuff is way out of my league. ABBY: Okay, what's your job during test runs? JONES: I monitor stuff like tire pressure, fuel injectors-- ABBY: How? JONES: I have my own program. I mean, I could try... MCGEE: Do it! JONES: All right. But even if I get in, all I can tell you is stuff like oil pressure and fuel levels. Navigation and external sensors, that's all handled by scientists. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) JONES: All right, I'm in. Now what? ABBY: Just sit back and let the scientist... MCGEE: Kick all kinds of major ass. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ KEYBOARDING) JONES: Roni would have really liked you guys. (INTERCUT SCENE OF HUMVEE DRIVING) MCGEE: Okay, Abby. We are in sync. We're now following the same stream back into Otto as Jamie's program. (INTERCUT SCENE OF HUMVEE DRIVING) MCGEE: Jamie, what's the most complex sensory monitor with this? JONES: Uh... I'd say fuel injectors. ABBY: And when something goes wrong, do you just monitor it or is there something you can actually do? JONES: I have the ability to tweak some of the parameters to avoid engine damage. MCGEE: That's our way in. Is that program on here too? JONES: It's uh... right there. MCGEE: Great. Before we were just receiving, now we can send. Tweak something. JONES: All right, what? ABBY: It doesn't matter! I just need to follow it downstream back into Otto. JONES: Okay, um... (SFX: KEYBOARDING) JONES: How's that? ABBY: I'm in. MCGEE: I'll pull up the navigation subdirectory. ABBY: Accessing Otto's onboard GPS. MCGEE: It's stopped. ABBY: It's right off of Route One Twenty-Three in Fairfax. Go, McGee! I'll keep working on back-tracing the guy that sent him there. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. ROAD - DAY (SFX: CARS BRAKE TO A STOP) (SFX: CAR DOORS CLOSE) ZIVA: Clear! MCGEE: They took our chip, Boss. GIBBS: (V.O.) When I told you to put this car back together, I didn't mean put it back together with the only piece of (ON CAMERA) evidence we had on the killer. MCGEE: I didn't. We put in a copy. Abby's got the original. Otto has five stereo cameras. Hoping one of them got a picture of our guy. TONY: Well, we're definitely dealing with someone on the inside. They knew where all of Otto's cameras were. MCGEE: The only picture I got is this. TONY: That thing takes worse pictures than you do, McGee. GIBBS: They went to a lot of trouble to get the chip back. Why? MCGEE: Well, like you said, it's the only evidence we have. GIBBS: They know we can link it to them. How? MCGEE: Well, there weren't any prints on the surface. The program's in assembly language. I'm not sure. (CELL PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) I back-traced the connection used to activate Otto. They're in Azeon's network. They're online right now. I even have the - Gibbs? Ah....don't worry, Jamie. We are going to get this guy... MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MAIN LAB - DAY PIKE: You're sure about this, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: We sure about this, McGee? MCGEE: Well, Abby gave me the specific IP address for the computer used to access Otto. I'll know it when I find it. JONES: Which one was it? TONY: We're working on it. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) MCGEE: Boss, IP address matches this one. PIKE: Engler! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/JONES PUNCHES ENGLER) JONES: (SHOUTS) You b*st*rd! You killed her! ENGLER: (SHOUTS) Get him off me! JONES: (SHOUTS) What's the matter? You couldn't share the limelight? ENGLER: Why would I kill Seabrook? PIKE: You were jealous of Roni from the moment you met her. ENGLER: It's ridiculous! If anything, she was jealous of me! I demand to know what proof you have against me! GIBBS: This. ENGLER: A flash chip? TONY: It was used to kill Lieutenant Seabrook. ZIVA: The one you took from the vehicle was a copy. ENGLER: Let me... let me see the code. Everyone here has their own specific style. I can tell you with certainty who wrote that one. PIKE: As can I, Engler. May I? (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) PIKE: You're mistaken, Agent Gibbs. This chip is blank. GIBBS: Let him go. TONY: Boss? GIBBS: Let him go. He's the one who found Seabrook. If he wanted the chip back, he would have taken it before anyone got there. Doctor Pike...the only thing you erased from this chip were my photos. The real chip's in the evidence locker at NCIS. JONES: She thought of you like a father! PIKE: She was supposed to take the morning off, Jamie. It was an accident. I would never, never... GIBBS: Who was supposed to drive Otto that morning? ENGLER: Me! You... senile old fool! You were trying to kill me! PIKE: I did it for all of us. He owns half the company! When Otto wins that race, we would have been stuck working with him forever! Nobody deserves that! You smug b*st*rd! I never should have brought you in on this! Look, he's destroying... ZIVA: If red light is for sexually assaulting a co-worker, what color is for murder? TONY: Uh, how does black light sound? ZIVA: It works for me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT GIBBS: Hey. It's late. Go home. ZIVA: Just doing a little research. GIBBS: On what? ZIVA: Y. Pestis. A very nasty illness. It can cause permanent damage to the heart, lungs, and kidneys. And in some cases, patients can relapse months, or even years later. Tony had it. GIBBS: I know, Ziva. I was there. ZIVA: Did you know that he had some tests done recently. And he's been wearing a hospital bracelet on his wrist? GIBBS: Nope. ZIVA: I asked him why, but he won't tell me. GIBBS: Then he's probably got a pretty good reason. (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT JEANNE: (BREATHLESSLY) Hi -- TONY: (BREATHLESSLY) So uh...can I take this stuff off now? JEANNE: I haven't made up my mind yet. TONY: Okay. You do know that it's for the psych ward, right? JEANNE: Oh, yeah. I picked it out special for you. (MUSIC OUT) (ENDING TITLES AND CREDITS UP AND OUT)
Plan: A: The team; Q: Who is forced to attend a sexual harassment seminar? A: their relief; Q: What is Gibbs' reaction to the call that a beautiful Navy officer is found dead? A: a beautiful Navy officer; Q: Who was found dead in a classified self-driven robotic vehicle? A: Navy; Q: What branch of the military was the woman who was found dead in a self-driven robotic vehicle working on for a potential DoD contractor? A: a potential DoD contractor; Q: Who was the Navy officer working on developing a self-driven robotic vehicle for? A: suicide; Q: What does the Navy officer's death look like? A: Abby; Q: Who nearly dies when the vehicle nearly kills her? A: the vehicle; Q: What escapes from the garage? A: Gibbs' efforts; Q: What saves Abby from certain death? A: certain death; Q: What is Abby saved from? A: McGee; Q: Who is left guilt-ridden over what happened? A: the passenger; Q: Who was the vehicle rigged to kill? A: the intended target; Q: Who was the woman who was killed not? A: the contract; Q: What is Gibbs questioning the scientists involved in? A: more people; Q: What does the vehicle escape from the garage and Abby and McGee have to stop it from killing? A: Tony; Q: Who visits the hospital to see his girlfriend? A: special projects; Q: What does Tony continue to work on for the Director? A: Ziva; Q: Who notices Tony getting calls from the hospital? A: his health; Q: What does Ziva worry about when Tony is in the hospital? Summary: The team is forced to attend a sexual harassment seminar but much to their relief, Gibbs receives a call that a beautiful Navy officer is found dead in a classified self-driven robotic vehicle she was working on developing for a potential DoD contractor. Although it initially looks like suicide, when Abby puts the vehicle through some tests, it nearly takes her life as well but thanks to Gibbs' efforts, she is saved from certain death although McGee is left guilt-ridden over what happened. They discover that someone rigged the vehicle to kill the passenger and make it appear to be suicide but the woman who was killed was not the intended target. While Gibbs is questioning the scientists involved in the contract, the vehicle "escapes" from the garage and it is up to Abby and McGee to stop it from killing more people. Meanwhile, Tony visits the hospital to see his girlfriend and continues working on special projects for the Director. Ziva notices Tony getting calls from the hospital and begins worrying about his health.
Ruins of Daelbeth Arthur: We have to get him to Gaius. Sir Leon: And abandon the quest? Arthur: He saved my life, I won't let him die. Sir Leon: Sire, if we don't get to the Isle of the Blessed hundred more will perish. Lancelot: Let me take him. Arthur: Carrying a wounded man, alone? It will take you two or three days to reach Camelot. Lancelot: Not if I go through the Valley of the Fallen Kings. You cannot give up on a quest. Sir Leon: Sire, he's right. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur: This is my fault, I'm sorry. Merlin (talks with difficulty): Take me with you, please. Arthur: You'll die, Merlin. Merlin: You don't understand. Please, Arthur. Arthur: Do you ever do as you're told? Merlin: I have to go with you. Arthur: Merlin... Lancelot: We need to leave... Arthur: Go! [SCENE_BREAK] In the woods [BEES BUZ] Gwaine: Can you hear that? Sir Leon : Bees? Gwaine: Food. Sir Leon: You trying to get us killed? Gwaine: We're riding to our deaths anyway. Sir Leon: It's good to give the horses a rest. You're quiet. Arthur: That's what happens after three days of listening to Gwaine. Sir Leon: You did the right thing, you know. Merlin couldn't continue with us. Arthur: I should have saved him. [BEES BUZ LOUDER] They attack Gwaine who tries to escape. Gwaine: Ah! Ah! Ooh! Sir Leon: If anyone can get Merlin back to Camelot, Lancelot can. [SCENE_BREAK] In the woods Lancelot and Merlin stop near a brook Merlin lies on his back, close to the water. His hand touches the water. A sweet voice: Lancelot. Lancelot. We bare you nor harm. We wish only to help. Lancelot: What are you? The voice: We are Vilia. Spirits of the brooks and streams. The tear in the veil has upset the balance of the world. Good spirits as well as bad roam freely. But this perilous state cannot continue for long. Lancelot: Prince Arthur is riding to the Isle of the Blessed. He intends to heal the veil. Vilia: He will need help from both of you. Lancelot: My friend is sick. I need to get him to Camelot. Vilia: Merlin is stronger than you give him credit for. The young warlock has great power and a future that has been written since the dawn of time. Do not worry. Even now, my sisters begin to heal him. Lancelot looks at Merlin and smiles. Vilia: You are tired. You must rest. Lancelot: I need to find a shelter. Vilia: You are safe here. Lancelot: But the Dorocha... Vilia: We will stay with you and protect you through the night. Vilia surround Lancelot, they look like soap bubbles. [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnels of Andor The knights approach the entrance of the tunnels. Arthur: By dawn, we'll be on the other side of the mountains. Gwaine: You can't be serious. The tunnels are crawling with wilderoen. Arthur: The tunnels will take days off our journey. Gwaine: If we make it out alive. Arthur: We'll cover ourselves in gaja berries. Gwaine: Oh, sounds great (!). Arthur: It's your choice Gwaine, wilderoen or Dorocha? Elyan : I know which I'd rather go for. Sir Leon : Me too. [DISTANT SCREECHES] Gwaine stops. [GHOSTLY SCREAMS] The Dorocha attacks Gwaine. Percival tackles Gwaine out of the way. Gwaine: Never knew you cared! Arthur arrives waving a torch. Arthur: Quick! [SCREECHES and SCREAMS] They run into the cave. Percival : Remind me again why we're wearing this disgusting paste. Arthur : Wildeoren are completely blind. They rely totally on their sense of smell. Gaja berries will mask our scent. Gwaine: What are the chances of us getting through here withiout seeing a wildeoren? Arthur: None. [BONES CLINK] Gwaine stumbles over a skull. [ANIMAL GRUNTS] Arthur: Shh! [SQUEALS and SNORTS] They all duck behind a big rock and hide. Arthur: Keep still. Don't even breathe. [WILDEOREN SNUFFLES and SQUEALS] It seems to leave. Gwaine smiles. [ANIMAL SNUFFLES] The wildeoren is upon Gwaine who cannot move. The others stare at the scene in disgust. Gwaine finally manages to kill the wildeoren with his sword. [BEAST ROARS] Gwaine looks specially proud of himself. Arthur: You fool! Gwaine: It's dead. Arthur: That one is, yes. They hunt in packs. [GRUNTS and SQUEALS] Elyan: Run! They all run, chased by wildeoren. [SCENE_BREAK] Gates of Camelot Refugees try to enter Camelot. Guards are closing the gates. Gwen watches the scene from a window of the griffin staircase. [CROWD CLAMOURS] Gaius: We need more stretches and sheets, as many sheets as you can find. Gwen: Gaius. The guards were under orders to shut the gates at dusk. Gaius: Whose orders? Gwen: Lord Agravaine's. [SCENE_BREAK] Council Hall Gwen and Gaius enter the room, interrupting the Council meeting. Agravaine: Gaius, have you come to join us? Gaius: Why have you closed the city gates? Agravaine: We have limited resources Gaius. As much as I'd like to, we simply can't feed and water the entire kingdom. Gaius: Surely the people have a right to be protected. Agravaine: It would be putting Camelot in danger. Starvation, disease. You of all people must understand Gaius. The gates will remain shut until we are free of the evil the plagues us. Gaius is about to leave the room. Agravaine: Now, gentlemen, where were we? Gwen steps in. Gwen: My lords. May I be granted permission to address the court? Agravaine: Guinevere? Gwen: Prince Arthur taught me long ago that every citizen of Camelot is important. He would never stand by and let them suffer. He would help them if he could and we must do the same. Agravaine: I feel the pain as much as you, but we don't have a choice. If we keep letting people in, our food will run out within days. Gwen: You're wrong. Agravaine: Perhaps you would enlighten me? Gwen: Those outside the gates are landowners, farmers. For days, the refugees have been bartering their wares with the townsfolk in return for the safety of their hearths. They bring with them far more than they take. Agravaine: But how long before those wares run out? Gwen: Three days ago, Prince Arthur embarked on a quest to rid us of these creatures. At worst we have another three before he reaches his goal. Or do you think he will fail? Agravaine: Of course not. Geoffrey of Monmouth: Sire, she is right. Agravaine: Very well. Re-open the gates. [SCENE_BREAK] Valley of the Fallen Kings Lancelot wakes up and looks for Merlin. Lancelot: Merlin? Merlin!? Merlin is standing on a couple of rocks, in the middle of the stream, he's fishing. Merlin: Shh! Breakfast? Lancelot: Merlin, what...? What are you...? Merlin: What? Lancelot: You're meant to be... dying. Merlin: Sorry. Here... Merlin holds Lancelot the spearing stick he was using to fish. Lancelot: What's that for? Merlin: Looks like you're going to fall over. Lancelot swings the stick at Merlin with the stick. Merlin ducks. Merlin: No, not as quick as Arthur. Lancelot: Oh, yeah? Merlin: Come on, we need to catch up with the others. Lancelot: No, you're going back to Camelot. Merlin: You might be. Lancelot: Merlin! Merlin: Say hello to Gaius for me. Lancelot: Merlin! Merlin: Arthur can't finish this without us. Lancelot: Arthur's right about you. You don't ever do as you're told. Lancelot: No. [SCENE_BREAK] In the Forest The knights wash their hands and faces in a stream. Sir Leon: They need to rest, Sire. Even Gwaine's gone quiet. Arthur: Sounds like a good reason to keep going. [SCENE_BREAK] Agravaine gallops in the forest. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's hovel Morgana sits by a fire she seems to be chilled to the bone. Agravaine: My lady! [DOOR OPENS] Morgana: What news of the mighty Camelot? Agravaine: As we planned. The city is falling into wrack and ruin. Morgana: And Arthur? Agravaine: Last we heard, he has made it past Daelbeth. Morgana: Will we never be rid of him? Agravaine: Patience, my Lady. Even if he makes it to the Isle the outcome will be the same. Morgana: Then what brings you here so early? Something's wrong. Agravaine: A minor irritant. Guinevere. She takes it upon herself to speak out against me. Morgana: She's dangerous. Agravaine: But she's a servant. A spirited one perhaps, but a servant nonetheless. Morgana: No, you're wrong. I have dreamt the future, and in it, that "servant" sits upon my throne. I would rather drown in my own blood than see that day. Agravaine: Then we must make sure it never comes. Morgana: I couldn't agree more. We must make sure she never sees another dawn. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Uther: Where is Arthur? Gwen: I am unsure. Uther: Where is he? Gwen: The Prince is on a hunting trip, Sire. Uther: When will he be back? Gwen: In a few days. Is there something you need? Uther does not respond. Gwen is about to leave the room. Agravaine: Your devotion to the King is most impressive. There is something I would like to discuss. I wish to apologise. Yesterday, I feel let the Prince down. I'm grateful that you spoke out. Gwen: I didn't mean to be discourteous, my lord. Agravaine: Well, you weren't. Not in the least. Gwen, if you would permit, I would be grateful to seek your advice. You understand the people. Gwen: I'm not sure, I... Agravaine: If nothing else, I know that you will be honest with me. It's not appropriate to talk now. But perhaps this evening, you could come to my chambers. Please, Guinevere? These are dark times. I need help if I am to guide through them. Gwen: Very well. Agravaine: Thank you. Gaius enters as Agravaine is leaving the room. Gaius: Is everything all right? Gwen: Yes. He wishes to speak with me later. I think he means to seek my counsel. [SCENE_BREAK] In the forest Merlin and Lancelot discover a lodge. They enter. The place is silent and seems to be empty.It seems to be a hunter's lodge. Lancelot: Hello? He opens a curtain with his sword and discovers a man sitting. The man is frozen. Merlin: We can't stay here. Lancelot: There's nowhere else, Merlin. We'll make a fire. It will keep us safe and dry. And there's more than enough fuel to get us through the night. Merlin: Here. *spell* Bael onbryne! The fire starts in the grate. Merlin: I'm not entirely useless, you know. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot Morgana sneaks into the tunnels under the castle. [DISTANT VOICES] Guard : Get on the other side. Guard : Yes, sir. A guard notices Morgana. Guard: Halt! Morgana knocks the soldier down without even turning around. [SCENE_BREAK] Agravaine's chambers Agravaine pours a beverage from a silver jug into a beaker. Gwens is seated, she looks slightly uncomfortable. Agravaine: But do the people feel safe? You can speak honestly. Gwen: No they do not. Agravaine: Go on. Gwen: They are frightened. Night after night, they have seen their friends, their children, their parents, all snatched cruelly from them and they don't know who'll be next. Agravaine: What can I do to reassure them? Gwen: Show courage. Shutting the gates showed you were as terrified as they were. It's like a horse and its rider. If the people sense your fear, they will not trust you. Agravaine: I'm grateful for your advice. You have a wise head on your shoulders, Guinevere. Agravaine stands behind Gwen, he seems to be about to strangle her. Then, he gives the feeling he's changed his mind and he goes away. Agravaine: I have kept you long enough. Gwen: And I must go to see the King. Agravaine: Do not concern yourself with that. I will ensure he is well looked after. It has been a long day. I'll have my guards walk you home safely. Gwen: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot: Lower town Gwen walks in the street, with two guards. Morgana looks at them from the battlements. Morgana: *spell* Hleap on baec! They are all knocked out. Morgana smirks. [SCENE_BREAK] In the Forest A fire is burning, the knights stand around. Elyan: Seen anything? Arthur shakes his head. Elyan: Do you know what we're going to face on the Isle of the Blessed? Arthur nods. Elyan: Do you want to tell me? Arthur: The burden is mine and mine to bear alone. Elyan: Look around, Arthur. We would fight 1 000 armies with our bare hands for you. You are never alone. We stand together. Come on, I'll take over. You need some rest. Arthur: Thank you. [SCREAMING] They all gather around the fire. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Gaius enters the King's chambers. Uther is alone and the place is messy. Gaius: Gwen? Gaius goes out to look for Gwen. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot: Lower town Gaius : Gwen ? Gaius discovers Gwen, lying unconscious in the street. One of the guards is dead, frozen. [SCREAMING] Gaius is attacked by the Dorocha. Gaius waves his torch and gets rid of him. [SCENE_BREAK] Hunter's lodge Merlin: You don't have to continue on this journey with me you know. Lancelot chuckles. Lancelot: Try and stop me. Merlin: Why, because you're a knight you feel honour-bond. Lancelot: You wouldn't understand. It doesn't make any sense to me either. Merlin: Gwen? Lancelot: I made her a vow I would keep Arthur safe. Merlin: You don't have to worry. I'll keep him safe. Lancelot: I made a vow, Merlin. Merlin: You still think about her? Lancelot: No. Arthur's a better man than me. Merlin: I'm sorry. Lancelot: Why? He loves her... and she's happy. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Gwen: I remember the guards walking to my door... and then... nothing. Gaius: It's just a surface wound. You were lucky. Gwen: Everyone talks about the coldness but I don't feel cold at all. Gaius: You weren't attacked by the Dorocha, Gwen. Gwen: Then what? Gaius? Gaius: I fear someone wanted to do harm. Gwen: Why? Gaius: I don't know. Gwen: I'm sure if they did, they've done a better job. Gaius: Maybe. But cold-blooded murder is suspicious. Better to leave you to the Dorocha. [SCENE_BREAK] In the forest In the hovel, Lancelot and Merlin are asleep. The wind blows out the candles and then the fire. Merlin wakes up. [SCREAMING] Merlin: Lancelot! Merlin relights the fire using magic. The Dorocha attacks. Lancelot and Merlin rushes to the door and start running through the forest. They are chased by the Dorocha. Merlin: *spell* O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd 'hup' anankes. Flames burn the Dorocha. The Great Dragon has come to rescue, he lands on a field. Lancelot draws his sword. Merlin: It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. Merlin bows slightly to the Dragon. Merlin: Thank you. Dragon: Who is your friend? Lancelot: I am Lancelot. Dragon: Of course Sir Lancelot. The bravest and most noble of them all. Lancelot: I'm not sure that is true. Dragon: We shall see. For now there are more pressing things at hand the Dorocha cannot be allowed to remain in this world. The sundered veil must be restored. Lancelot: We are on our way to the Isle of the Blessed to help Arthur heal it. Dragon: Indeed. But at what price? Merlin: I know the Spirit World demands a sacrifice. Dragon: It demands noting, it is the Cailleach, the gate keeper to the Spirit World who asks such a price. Merlin: And there is no other way? Dragon: There is not. Merlin: Arthur intends to sacrifice himself to heal the veil. It is my destiny to protect him, you taught me that. Dragon: Merlin, you must not do this. Merlin: Then, I have no choice. I must take his place. Dragon: From the moment I met you I saw something that was invisible. Now it is there all to see... Merlin: A lot of what you see, Old Friend... is what you taught me. Dragon: It will be an empty world without you young warlock. The Dragon flies off. [SCENE_BREAK] In the forest Merlin and Lancelot rides. Lancelot: When we get to the Isle of the Blessed do you really intend to sacrifice yourself ? Merlin: What do you want me to say? Lancelot: I look at you and I wonder about myself. Could I knowingly give up my life for something? Merlin: You have to have a reason. Something you care about. Something that's more important than anything. Merlin nudges his horse into a gallop. They overlook a castle from the top of hill. There is some smoke going out of the castle. Lancelot: Looks like someone beat us to it. Merlin: Bandits? Do you think we'll make it before night fall? Lancelot: There's only one way to find out. They start galloping to the castle. [SCENE_BREAK] In the castle Arthur and the Knights sit by a campfire. Gwaine starts taking off his socks. Elyan: Has something died? Gwaine: Why am I always the butt? Sir Leon: Can't think. Gwaine: Pick on Percival. Percival: Why me? Elyan: He washes. Sir Leon: And he doesn't set fire to his socks. Gwaine's sock starts to burn. Gwaine: No! Arthur: Quiet! Lancelot enters. He is alone. Arthur: Lancelot? How's Merlin? Lancelot: Bad news... he's still alive. Merlin comes in. Elyan: Merlin! Arthur: Good to see you, Merlin. Merlin: Yeah. Good to see you too. They hug Merlin. Later, they are all asleep except Merlin and Arthur. Merlin: It's going to be fine. Everything will be all right. Arthur: I'm just tired Merlin: You don't have to sacrifice yourself. Arthur: I have to save my people. Merlin: I will take your place. Arthur: Merlin... Merlin: What is the life of a servant compared to that of a prince? Arthur: A good servant's hard to come by. Merlin: I'm not that good. Arthur: True... One thing... Look after Guinevere. I want her to be happy in her life. She deserves it. Merlin: Don't worry. I'll make sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Seas of Meredor Arthur, Merlin, and the Knights arrive on the shore of the Seas of Meredor.. Arthur : The Isle of the Blessed. The ferryman waits for them by a longboat. They huddle in the boat and it glides across the sea. [ANIMAL SHRIEKS] Sir Leon: What is that? Gwaine: I hope I'm wrong. [SHRIEKING] Arthur: Wyvern! Wyvern shriek as they fly around the fortress Percival: You're right! They enter the fortress, wyvern attack. The Knights try to hit them with their swords. The situation does not look that good. Merlin: *spell* s'enthend' apakhorein nun epello -o-o! The wyvern fly off. Gwaine: See? That's how to deal with them! Arthur: We need to keep moving. [SHRIEKING] Sir Leon: Sire, you must go on. We'll fend them off. They split into 2 groups. [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar Arthur, Merlin, Lancelot, and Gwaine arrive in the altar hall. The Cailleach: It is not often we have visitors. Arthur: Put an end to this. I demand you heal the tear between the two worlds. The Cailleach: It was not I who created this horror. Why should it be I to stop it. Merlin: Because innocent people are dying. The Cailleach: Indeed? [SHE LAUGHS] Gwaine rushes to her with his sword. She knocks him out. The Cailleach: Is this the best you can do? Arthur: I know what you want. The Cailleach: Do you? ... and are you willing to let me have it? Arthur: I'm prepared to pay whatever price is necessary. Arthur starts walking. Merlin: *spell* Forb fleoghe! The Cailleach: So, Emrys, you choose to challenge me after all. Will you give yourself to the spirits to save your prince? Merlin: It is my destiny. The Cailleach: Perhaps. But your time among men is not yet over, Emrys, even if you want it to be. [VOICES SCREAMING] Lancelot looks at Merlin, smiles and walks into the tear where he disappears. Merlin: No! No! No! N-No... [THUNDER RUMBLES] [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot Arthur: (voiceover) 'I want to pay tribute to Sir Lancelot. We owe him a great debt. But it is not just his deed that we will never forget. It is his courage, his compassion, his unselfish heart. He was the most noble knight I will ever know. He gave his life for all of us. A huge pyre has been set up in the castle yard. There is a folded knight cloak and a sword on the top of the pyre. All the Knights are gathered; there are soldiers in line around the pyre. Arthur sets fire to the pyre. Gwen stands in front of the burning pyre. She is crying. Arthur grabs her hand. Gwen: He didn't sacrifice himself for Camelot. I asked him to look after you and he promised me with his life. He was true to his word. Arthur looks slightly puzzled. He pats her on the shoulder and lets her alone in front of the fire. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's hovel [MORGANA SCREAMS] Agravaine: Arthur was lucky. Morgana: And Guinevere? Agravaine: It was only by chance that Gaius found her. Morgana: No you're wrong. We are not thwarted by luck, it was Emrys. Agravaine: Emrys? Morgana: The Cailleach warned me about him. She said he was my destiny and my doom. It was he, who thwarted us, I'm sure of it. Agravaine: So what's to be done? Morgana: As long as he exists, I will never gain what is rightfully mine. You must help me find this 'Emrys' and destroy him. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's room Merlin is in his room, he seems to be weeping. A door opens in Gaius's chambers. Agravaine: Gaius? Gaius: How can I be of assistance? Agravaine: You're a man of great knowledge and wisdom. [HE SCOFFS] Gaius: Knowledge, perhaps. Agravaine: Have you ever come across a sorcerer called Emrys? Gaius: No, it doesn't sound familiar. Agravaine: Well, if you do hear mention of the name... Gaius: I'll be sure to tell you. Agravaine: It will not go unrewarded. Agravaine leaves the room. Merlin comes out of his room. Gaius: The only person that could have heard that name... Morgana. We know her powers are growing. She too must have seen the Cailleach. Merlin: But Agravaine? Gaius: I suspect he's not as virtuous as he seems and don't forget, he has every reason to despise Uther. We must be aware; Morgana can never know the truth. She must never know who you really are.
Plan: A: Lancelot; Q: Who sacrifices himself to repair the veil? A: Arthur; Q: Who is ready to give up his life? A: their way; Q: What do Arthur and the Knights follow to the Island of the Blessed? A: the Island of the Blessed; Q: Where do Arthur and the Knights go after Lancelot takes Merlin back to Camelot? A: The Vilia; Q: What spirits of rivers appear to Lancelot and heal Merlin? A: Arthur's group; Q: Where do Lancelot and Merlin race to reach? A: Gwen confronts; Q: Who confronts Agravaine about his order to close the citadel's doors? A: Morgana; Q: Who tries to kill Gwen? A: time; Q: What does Gaius find Gwen on? A: Kilgharrah; Q: Who does Merlin call to help him and Gwen? A: his magic; Q: What does Merlin use to prevent Arthur from giving up his life? A: the Cailleach; Q: Who does Merlin speak with? A: Emrys' identity; Q: What does Morgana want Agravaine to discover? Summary: While Lancelot takes Merlin back to Camelot, Arthur and the Knights follow their way to the Island of the Blessed. The Vilia , spirits of rivers, appear to Lancelot and heal Merlin. Afterwards, Lancelot and Merlin race to reach's Arthur's group. Gwen confronts Agravaine about his order to close the citadel's doors. Morgana tries to kill Gwen, but Gaius finds her on time. On the way, Merlin calls Kilgharrah to help them. They finally rejoin Arthur and the Knights before reach the Island. Arthur is ready to give up his life, but Merlin uses his magic to prevent it. But as Merlin speaks with the Cailleach, Lancelot sacrifices himself to repair the veil. Morgana is furious and wants Agravaine to discover Emrys' identity, but he makes Gaius and Merlin suspicious when he asks Gaius about it. Lancelot's cloak and sword are burned with full honors.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Tulsa] Assistant: This kitty is Mittens, this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkys. Chandler: Yeah. That's a lot of cats, Jolene. Single, are ya? [Phone rings - Chandler answers] Chandler: Chandler Bing. Joey: [On phone] Hey. How come you're answering your own phone? Where's your crazy assistant? [Chandler jumps up to turn the speaker phone off by lifting the receiver. The Assistant looks shocked, then storms off] Chandler: What's up, Joe? [Joey's apartment. Conversation switches between the two scenes when each person speaks] Joey: Okay. What have we wanted to always do together? Chandler: Braid each other's hair then ride horseback on the beach? Joey: No, no, no. When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are gonna be at the Wizards - Knicks game courtside! Chandler: Courtside? Oh my god!! Joey: Yeah, maybe Michael Jordan will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee! Chandler: That is so cool. I'll let Monica know. [Monica's apartment. Phone rings] Monica: Hello? [Chandler's office, Tulsa - Conversation switches between the two scenes when the people are talking] Chandler: Joey just called. He's got courtside Knicks tickets for me and him tomorrow night. Monica: Really? But tomorrow night's the only one I get off from the restaurant. If you go to the game then we won't have another night together for a week. Chandler: But-t it's courtside! The cheerleaders are gonna be right in ... [mouths last words so Monica does not hear them]. That's not the way to convince you. Monica: Look. I don't want to be one of those wives that says "You can't go to the game", "you have to spend time with me", so, if you just realize it on your own? Chandler: I...I...I know. You're right. I wanna see you too. I've just got to figure out a way to tell Joey. He's really looking forward to this. Monica: [On phone] Tell him you haven't seen your wife in a long time. [In apartment] Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult. Tell him that...what little time that we have is precious. Chandler: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll think of something. [Monica hangs up, looking exasperated] [Starting credits] [Scene: Ross + Rachel's apartment. Ross is tending to Emma. Rachel walks in from back. She comes over to tend to Emma] Ross: Wow! You look...er...hm......I mean, it's just the...er...that, that dress! Er... Rachel: I hope the ends of these sentences are good! [Ross laughs] Ross: No, no...they're good. It's just been so long since I've seen you like this. You clean up good! [Ross stares at Rachel] Rachel: Ahh. [Looks down] Well, thank you! Ha-ha! [Ross continues to stare at Rachel] Okay - stop looking at me like that. The last time that happened [pointing towards Ross's crotch] that happened [pointing at Emma] Ross: Oh, right! [Looking away] [Awkward silence] Ross: So, are you. Ah! Are you excited about your...er...first night away from Emma? Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe and I are gonna have so much fun! Thank you for watching the baby, by the way. Ross: Oh, it's fine. Actually, I...I invited Mike over Rachel: Phoebe's Mike? Ross: Yeah. Rachel: I didn't know that you guys hung out. Ross: We don't. But, I thought that it would be nice to get to know him. You know? We have a little dinner, drinks, conversation. Rachel: Awww. That's so cute! Ross and Mike's first date! [Beat] Is that going to be awkward? What are you guys gonna talk about? Ross: Well, but, you know, we have a lot in common, you know, erm...he plays the piano, I played keyboards in college, or, he's been divorced, I have...some...experience in that area [Rachel nods her head in agreement. Door knocks] Rachel: Yeah? [Door opens, Phoebe and Mike enter] Phoebe: Hi! Ross, Rachel: Hi! Phoebe: Ooh. You're first night out, indeed! Rachel: Okay, So now I think Emma is properly down for the night but if you need anything Ross...[pointing finger into his chest] Ross: Rach, Rach, Rach: we'll be fine. You go have fun. Rachel: Okay. You too. And I hope you score. [Rachel picks up her bag and Phoebe and her start to leave] Rachel: Bye [to Mike] Mike: Bye [Shuts door] Ross: So, welcome! Mike: I've got beer Ross: I've got bottled breast milk. [Beat] Mike: Ahhh. Why don't we start with the beer? Ross: Okay [Mike puts beer (6-pack of Fosters) on the table and takes his coat off. Ross and mike sit on the sofa] Ross: So, Phoebe tells me you, er, play the piano? Mike: Yeah? Ross: You, you know? I used to play the keyboards in college. Mike: Yah, do you have one here? [Ross swigs his beer] Ross: No Mike: Okay [nervous laugh] ['Clink' each other's bottle of Foster's together. Each take a swig] Mike: Ahhh. [Long, awkward silence] Ross: Erm, you know, I'm divorced. Er, Phoebe said you've been divorced. Mike: Yeah. [Beat] I'm sorry. I don't really like to talk about it. Ross: [Lost for words] Yeah, er... that's okay. We'll talk about something else. [They take another swig of beer] Mike: So, you're a palaeontologist, right? Ross: Yeah. Mike: My cousin's a palaeontologist. Ross: Ah! [Silence] Ross: Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica has a bottle of red wine on the table, along with two filled glasses. Chandler bursts through the door quickly, pulling his suitcase along with him] Monica: Hi! [Surprised] Chandler: Hey! Monica: Welcome home. Chandler: Oh, well, look at you! [Chandler closes and locks the door] Monica: What do you think? Chandler: Well, it's great, well, I'm just wearing the same thing underneath! Look at you. [Monica and Chandler hug and kiss. Loud bang outside] Joey: Ooh. Hey, how come you door's locked? Monica: Just a second. Chandler: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Joey can't know that I am here. Monica: Why not? Chandler: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game, so I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa. Monica: So you lied to him? Chandler: Eh, it is always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion. [Monica glares at him] Except with you! [Rattling of the doorknob] Joey: Hey! Open the door! What's going on? [Knock. Monica opens the door slightly. Chandler sneaks behind it] Monica: Hi! Joey: Why are you dressed like that? Monica: [Nervous giggle] Because I, erm, well, Chandler's gonna be home in a couple of days, so I thought that I would just, er, practice the art of seduction. Joey: I thought I heard a man's voice before? Monica: I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation, y'know like "Hi", "How do I look" [In Chandler's voice] "Really sexy", "Could I be any more turned on?" [Chandler slaps Monica on the shoulder. Monica slaps him back. It hurts Chandler] Joey: Woah, woah, woah. Why are there two glasses of wine out? Monica: Because, one of them is for you! [Monica goes to get a glass. Chandler looks at Joey through the peep-hole and Chandler ducks. Monica comes back to the door with the two glasses of red wine. Gives one to Joey. 'Clinks' the glasses together] Okay, bye, bye! [Shuts door] Chandler: You know, it's funny. I've been practising the art of seduction as well! Hya! [Does a wiggle] Monica: You might wanna keep practising. Chandler: Yeah. [Chandler's phone goes off] It's Joey. Monica: What? [Chandler presses a button on the phone and puts the phone up to his ear to listen. Monica puts her ear by it too.] Chandler: Hey, Joe! [Joey's apartment. Scenes change when the different people speak] Joey: Dude, come home! Chandler: What? Why? Joey: Come home! Chandler: Look, I can't. What's going on? Joey: I don't know how to tell you this, but I think that Monica's cheating on ya! I told you that you shouldn't have married someone much hotter than you! Chandler looks at Monica. They nod then put their ears back to the phone. Joey walks out of his apartment and up to Monica's door] Right, look. If you can't come home and deal with this, then I'm gonna... Chandler: [Loudly] No! Joey: I just heard him! Chandler: [Quiet] Can you hear him now? Joey: No. Right, I'm going in! Chandler: [Loudly] No! Wait! Joey: I heard him again! [Chandler starts to freak out on the spot] Chandler: Right. Just stay there. I'm coming home. Joey: Great. I'll see you when you get here. I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out. Chandler: Is that really necessary? Joey: Absolutely. You'd do it for me! Not that you'd ever have to, 'cos I know how to keep my women completely satisfied. [Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both Ross and Mike are sat on the sofa, with Fosters in their hands. Mike is blowing across the top of his bottle] Ross: Shouldn't the pizza be here by now? They said 30 minutes or less. How long has it been? Mike: [Looks at watch] Eleven minutes. [Still looking at watch] And now twelve. [Picks up bottle] Do you like the beer? Ross: I do. I do. Although it is actually a lager. Mike: Oh. What's the difference between a beer and a lager? Ross: I don't know. We can look it up. Mike: Things are about to get wild! [Scene: A bar. Phoebe and Rachel are carrying drinks] Phoebe: Oh, god. Do you remember the girls' nights that we used to have? Sitting around, talking about you and Ross? Rachel: Oh, god. It seems like forever ago. Phoebe: I know. [Both sit down] Phoebe: So what's going on with you and Ross? Rachel: Well, um, I don't know. I mean, for a long time, nothing. You know, actually, right before you picked me up, Ross and I had a little thing. Phoebe: Woah! Oh my god! I love things! What happened? Rachel: Well, um, first he told me that he liked how I looked, and then, erm, we had a little, erm, eye contact. Phoebe: Eye contact? Rachel: Uh huh. Phoebe: I hope you were using protection. [A waiter comes over with two drinks on his tray. He places them on the table] Waiter: Excuse me, um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar. [The waiter leaves. Phoebe and Rachel look to see who it is] Phoebe: Should we send them something back? Yes, let's do! Let's send them mashed potatoes!! Rachel: No, wait, don't do that! It's gonna make them think that they can come over here! Phoebe: So, what if they do? Rachel: We're not here to meet guys. You have a boyfriend. I have a...baby and a Ross. Phoebe: Yeah, but, um, nothing has to happen. Just having fun. You know, not everything has to go as far as 'eye contact'. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment] Monica: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you are not in Tulsa. Chandler: Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me than for him to think that I'm cheating on him? [Silence] I heard it! Monica: I don't want him to think that I'm having an affair. Chandler: Alright. I've got a plan. I'll go down the fire escape... Monica: Yes. Because all good plans start with "I'll just go down the fire escape..." Chandler: Hear me out, woman! I'll go down the fire escape, then I'll wait for a while. Then, when I come back up the stairs, it'll just be like I got back from Tulsa. Then, Joey and I will come in here and see that there is no guy in here. Monica: Aren't you afraid that Joey's going to figure all this out? [Silence] I heard it! [Chandler goes to the window, opens it, looks out, then comes back in] Chandler: Just gonna wait for a little while. Monica: Scary pigeon's back? Chandler: It's huge! [Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. There is a nearly-empty pizza box on the table. Mike and Ross have swapped positions on the couch. Mike still has a bottle of Foster's in his hand. He is making funny noises. Ross looks bored. Mike stops making the noise, looks at Ross, looks back at the bottle and continues to make the noise. Ross looks exasperated] [Scene: Bar. Phoebe and Rachel are talking to the two men that sent the drinks over to them] Rachel: Oh my god! I can't believe you live in that building! My grandmother lives in that building, Ida Green? No sense of personal space? Kinda smells of chicken? Looks like a potato?!? Bill: Spuds is your grandmother? Rachel: Yeah! That's my muppy! Kevin: So, we're on our way to a couple of parties. Maybe we can get your numbers and give you a call when we find something fun. Phoebe: Yeah, I'm sorry. We weren't really looking for anything to happen with you guys. I-I have a boyfriend. Kevin: Alright. That's no big deal. [Kevin and Bill get up] Bill: So, she has a boyfriend. [To Rachel] What is your situation? Rachel: Oh, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend, but, erm... Bill: Can I have your number? Rachel: I'm sorry, no. Bill: Okay [They start to leave] Rachel: Oh, sure! [Reaches into her handbag] Phoebe: Oh my god! You're giving your real number! Bill: Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight. Rachel: Great. [Gives thumbs up] Bill: Bye [Leaves] Rachel, Phoebe: Bye Phoebe: Wow. So that's great. You, Bill, Ross and Emma are going to be so happy together. What were you thinking? Rachel: I don't know. He was cute and he liked me. It was an impulse. Phoebe: But what about Ross? What about your moment? Don't you want to talk to Ross about it? Rachel: No, no, 'cos I know exactly how the conversation is going to go. "Hey Ross", "You know, I think that we had a moment before" [As Ross] "Yeah, um, me too" [As herself] "Well, but I'm not sure I really wanna do anything about it!" [As Ross] "Yeah, um, me, um, neither." [As herself] "Ross, should we just continue to live together and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?" [As Ross] "Yeah, that works for me, um, um." Phoebe: Yeah, I see what you mean. By the way, nice Ross imitation. But your Rachel was not whiney enough. Rachel: Hey! Phoebe: Better! [Phoebe reaches for her drink] Rachel: The point is: maybe I should stop waiting around, waiting for moments with Ross. I should just move on with my life. Phoebe: So, really? Are you moving on from Ross? Rachel: Dunno, do I have to decide right now? Phoebe: You kinda just did. That guy's gonna call you tonight. Ross is going to pick up the phone. That's a pretty clear message. Rachel: Oh my god! Ross!! Ross is gonna pick up the phone! Ah, I have to get my number back! Oh my god! He's gone! Phoebe: [As Rachel] "Ah, I have to get my number back!", "Oh my god! He's gone!" Dead on! [Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Mile look bored out of their heads] Mike: Passst. I'm gonna take off. Ross: So soon? Mike: Yeah. Ross: Okay. Thanks, er, for the beer. Mike: You mean lager. Ross: Ah, yeah, good times. [Ross opens door. Mike steps out through door. Ross closes door] Mike: Ohh. [Relieved to be out of there] Ross: Ohh. [Relieved that Mike has gone] [Mike's mobile phone rings] Mike: Hello? [Bar. Phoebe is on the other end of the phone. Scenes switch with the conversation] Phoebe: Hey Mike, it's me. Listen: Is Ross near you? Mike: Uh no, I just left. Phoebe: Well, you have to go back in. Mike: What? Go back? To the land where time stands still? Phoebe: I'm so sorry, honey, but, okay. Rachel gave this guy her number, and, erm, she does not want Ross to answer the phone, so you have to intercept all of his calls. Mike: I can't do that. Phoebe: [To Rachel] He says that he can't do that Rachel: Oh, give me. [Rachel takes the phone of Phoebe] Hi, Mike! Hi, listen, I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what. If you do this, ah, Phoebe will do anything you want. Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff. Phoebe: Alright, give it here. [Phoebe takes the phone] Hello? I'm sorry about her, but, she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff. Mike: Alright, I'll do it. [Phoebe sticks her thumb up to Rachel] Really, though, how much dirtier can it get? Phoebe: Oh, oh, Mike! Bye. [Hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Knock at the door. Ross opens the door. Mike is there.] Mike: Hey, buddy! Ross: Hi! Mike: Can I come back in? Ross: W-Why? [Blocking route of entry] Mike: Well, [negotiating an entrance] I was just thinking of how muck more we have to talk about. Ross: [Exasperated] But, you left! [Scene: Hallway between Monica/Chandler's apartment and Joey's apartment. Joey is sat on a stool, holding a baseball bat. Chandler runs up the stairs] Joey: Wow, that didn't take long. I thought you said Tulsa was a three-hour flight? Chandler: Well,... you're forgetting about the time difference. [Joey looks puzzled for a second, then smiles and points at Chandler. Chandler smiles and points back. Chandler opens the door to his apartment and enters. Joey follows.] Monica: Huh, Chandler - you're home! Chandler: That's right. Your husband's home, so now the s*x can stop. [Monica looks stunned] Monica: What are you saying? Chandler: Joey said that you're in here with another man! Monica: There's no man in here! How dare you accuse me of that? [Slaps Chandler] Joey: Alright, alright. Then maybe you won't mind if me and my friend takes a look around then. Huh! Where you at? [Joey goes into Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Banging can be heard] Chandler: What's he doing? Monica: I arranged some pillows on the bed to make it look like a guy! [Both laugh. Joey enters] Joey: Bedroom's clear, although you might need some new pillows. Chandler: Alright, well, I'll check the guest bedroom. [Chandler heads off to guest bedroom. Joey walks up to Monica and starts sniffing loudly and heavily] Joey: Why do I smell men's cologne? [Monica smells Joey] Monica: I think that's you. [Joey smells himself] Joey: Oh yeah, I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier. [Chandler re-enters] Chandler: Nobody here, Joe. Joey: I guess not. Monica: I can't believe you thought I was cheating. You owe me an apology. Joey: You're right, Monica. I'm so sorry. Monica: It's an honest mistake. It can happen to anybody. Alright, see ya. [Monica pushes Joey towards the door. Joey sees Chandler's cases] Joey: Wait, wait, wait a minute. If you've just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here? [Chandler looks at Monica] Chandler: I climb down the fire escape, and you can't put that in the closet? [Joey looks shocked] [Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Mike are sat on the sofa. Mike is reading out of a book] Mike: So, with the exception of the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing. Fascinating, isn't it? Ross: [Looking bored] Maybe you should look up fascinating. [Phone rings] Mike: I'll get it [Jumps across Ross and grabs the phone. Ross looks shocked] Hello? Ross' place, Mike speaking. [Passing phone to Ross] It's for you. [Ross takes phone] Ross: I don't understand what just happened here. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. As before] Joey: What's going on? Chandler: I'm sorry. I told you that I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I didn't...didn't know...didn't think you'd understand. Joey: What? You think I'm too dumb to know that a husband needs to be with his wife? Uh? You think I'm like, duhhh! [Taps head with baseball bat - it hurts him] Monica: Joey? Joey: Yeah? Monica: I don't know what to say. We shouldn't have lied to you. Chandler: I feel so bad. Is there, is there anything I can do to make it up to you? Joey: You could go to the game with me, even though I know you said you couldn't, but then you lied to me, tricked me and gave me a bump on the head. Chandler: I'm sorry. That's the one thing I can't do. I promised that I'd be with Monica. Joey: [Looking sad] Alright. Monica: You can go. Chandler: [Turning around] What? Monica: You should go to the game. It's okay, I want you to. Chandler: Really? Are you going to be okay? Monica: Yeah, it'll be fine. Y'know, maybe I'll stay and practice the art of seduction. Chandler: You're gonna put sweats on and clean, aren't ya? Monica: That's gonna be so hot! [Monica and Chandler hug] Joey: Thanks, here's ya ticket. Chandler: Thanks. Listen, I'm never gonna lie to you again. Joey: Okay. Chandler: And I want you to know that no-one thinks that you are stupid. Joey: Thanks, man. [They walk down the hall. Chandler looks at his ticket. Turns around and heads back to his apartment.] Where ya going? Chandler: Game's tomorrow night, Joe. [Enters apartment] [Joey looks at his ticket and makes a 'whoops' expression] [Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe enter through the door] Rachel, Phoebe: Hey! Ross, Mike: Hi! [Ross jumps up out of his seat, runs and hugs Rachel. Mike walks up to Phoebe] Mike: So glad you're back [Hugs Phoebe] Rachel: So, what did you guys do? Ross: You know, we just drank some beer...Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct... Mike: It's true, I did. Phoebe: Well, goodbye! Ross, Rachel: Bye! Mike: Bye! Rachel: Have fun, Pheebs! See ya guys. [Phoebe and Mike leave] Ross: Rachel, lock the door, lock the door, seriously! Rachel: Oh shoot, I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks! [Goes outside into the hallway] Wait, wait. So, did he call? Did that guy call? Mike: No, just his mom. Rachel: Oh, around 8:30? Mike: Yeah. Rachel: Then again at 9? Mike: Uh huh. Rachel: Yeah... [Inside apartment. Phone rings. Ross picks up the phone] Ross: Hello? Oh no, she's not here right now. Can I take a message? Bill from the bar? Okay...Bill from the bar. I'll make sure she gets your number. [Ross hangs up the phone. He re-reads the message. Rachel re-enters and goes to tend to the baby] Rachel: Ahhh. Ross: So, er, so how was it? Have you guys, you guys, had a good time? Rachel: Oh, it's so much fun. It's so good to be out. [Ross picks up the note] Ross: Ah, Rach? Rachel: Yeah? [Ross puts note into his pocket] Ross: Never mind. [End credits] [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are sat on the sofa. Ross enters] Ross: Hey, you guys! Phoebe, Mike: Hi! [Ross sits down] Ross: Ah. Phoebe: I'll be right back. I just have to go to the bathroom. [Phoebe gets up and heads for the bathroom] [Uneasy silence] Mike: Stout. That's a kind of beer. [Ross gets up and leaves] [The End]
Plan: A: Phoebe; Q: Who did Rachel go out with on a girls' night out? A: Rachel; Q: Who regrets giving a guy her phone number? A: her phone number; Q: What did Rachel give to a guy on a girls' night out? A: Ross; Q: Who does Rachel realize she needs to move on from? A: Joey; Q: Who thinks Monica is having an affair? A: Chandler; Q: Who claims he needs to work? A: time; Q: What does Joey think Chandler is lying about wanting to spend with Monica? A: a game; Q: What does Joey want to go to with Chandler? A: his divorce; Q: What does Mike not want to talk about with Ross? A: his keyboards; Q: What does Ross not have with him when he invites Mike to hang out? Summary: On a girls' night out with Phoebe, Rachel gives a guy her phone number, but instantly regrets it after realizing she would need to move on from Ross. Joey thinks Monica is having an affair when Chandler claims he needs to work, as he does not want to lie to Joey about wanting to spend time with Monica, rather than going to a game with him. While Phoebe and Rachel are out, Ross invites Mike to hang out, but as Mike doesn't want to talk about his divorce and Ross hasn't got his keyboards with him, they realize they have little in common.
Story by: Doug E. Jones [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Phoebe and Cole are there. Phoebe is sitting at the table typing on the laptop. Paige races in. Piper holds out a plate.] Piper: Wheatgerm pancakes? Paige: Ah, bagel. (She grabs a bagel.) Piper: Bagel? Cole: Has anyone seen my deposition papers? I though they were in this folder with the cream cheese thing. (He holds up a folder with cream cheese spread over it.) Paige: Try the one with the jelly stain. Cole: Okay. (He picks it up.) I got it, thanks. Phoebe, don't forget my law firm's having a party tonight. I wanna show off my new bride. Phoebe: If I could finish my work here, that would be great. Piper: Cole, pancakes? Cole: Trying to watch my cholesterol. Piper: How about you, Phoebe? I know you want some of these. Phoebe: No, you know what I want? I want quiet. My advice column is due today. Piper: No pancakes? Phoebe: No pancakes. But, shh, with syrup on it would be good. (Leo orbs in.) Piper: Oh, Leo, just in time for some delicious wheatgerm pancakes. Leo: Uh, no, I don't have time. I just came to get my toolbox. Piper: Alright, you know what? I'm not cooking for you people anymore. From now on you're all on your own. (Piper walks behind Paige. Cole flicks his hand and the toaster pops up.) Paige: My bagel. (She turns around, bumps into Piper and Piper drops the plate of pancakes.) Piper: Ohh. Phoebe: Can everybody please be quiet! (The laptop beeps.) Oh, no. My battery died. (Cole looks at the smoke alarm and it beeps.) Leo: Smoke alarm. (Leo levitates up to the smoke alarm to try and turn it off. Cole leans next to Phoebe.) Cole: You know, you'd get all the quiet you want if we had our own place. (Leo turns off the fire alarm and levitates back to the floor. Cole kisses Phoebe.) Gotta go. I'm meeting my new personal assistant today. Bye. Phoebe: And I am off to quieter pastures. (She grabs her stuff and leave the kitchen. Leo sighs.) Piper: Honey, you look tired. Leo: I've been working double shifts. The Elders have been piling it on me ever since you guys took out the Source. Paige: What's with the toolbox? Piper: Leo poses as a heavenly handyman, it's actually how we met. Paige: Ooh. Leo: The Elders want me to check out a potential Whitelighter. She's a school teacher about to fall off the path, she needs some inspiration. Piper: Speaking of inspiration, it's the 60th anniversary of the battle of Guadalcanal and they're having a reunion for local veterans, so I RSVP'd for you. Leo: Piper, I can't be seen there. Piper: Well, no, it's okay, I told them that you were your grandson. Leo: Well, that's not it. I-I don't want to go. You would've known that if you would've asked me or talked to me about it instead of just making decisions for me. (He grabs his toolbox and orbs out.) [Scene: A library. A woman is sitting at a table sorting through some letters. Two ghosts are in the room watching her.] Ghost #1: I bet she scares easy. Can I scare her? Ghost #2: No. Ghost #1: Come on, Rick. Just let me moan once. One of those bone chilling moans, you know, could be the wind, could be a ghost. Rick: Just watch her. Ghost #1: We've been watching this place for about sixty years, man. We're never gonna find what we're looking for. I swear, sometimes I don't know why I stay here with you. Rick: Because I stay with you, bro. I promised to protect you when we enlisted and I failed. I'm not gonna fail again. Woman: Well, this is something. (She lady hold up a letter. The ghosts move closer.) Rick: Leo Wyatt's grandson is gonna attend the reunion with his wife. I told you one of them would show up eventually. Ghost #1: Well, let's go. What's the address? Rick: Can't see it. Lean back, granny. Ghost #1: Can I scare her now? (He moans and the woman gets scared. She jumps up out of her chair.) 1329 Prescott Street. Let's go. Rick: Not yet. You've had your fun, now let me show you how it's done. (He starts typing on the computer keyboard and the woman sees. "I am coming for you" shows up on the screen over and over. The blinds on the window open and close, the papers fly around the room, and books fall off the shelf. She starts screaming and runs for the door. Rick pokes his head through the door.) Boo! (She screams and runs out the other door and down the hallway. Rick runs out of the room.) Ghost #1: Rick, Rick, wait! (Rick stops.) We're after Wyatt, we're not after her. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe is there typing on the laptop. Paige walks in.] Paige: Phoebe, have you seen my keys anywhere? Phoebe: No. Paige: Ugh! (Piper walks in and sits down.) Piper: Leo is not answering my call. Paige: Is it an emergency? Piper: No. But I just wanna talk to him so I can figure out why he's so mad at me. I mean, I can't believe it's just because he doesn't want to go to the reunion. Paige: Maybe because it's because, I don't know, he died at Guadalcanal. Piper: Yeah, but he died a hero. Although, come to think of it, he doesn't really talk about it very much. Phoebe. (She continues to type on the laptop.) Phoebe, come on, what do you think? Phoebe: I think, Piper, that I came in here to get away from all the chatter. (She closes the laptop.) Okay, I have a deadline. (She gets up and pulls out the plug.) I am working Phoebe. (Paige looks between the couch cushions.) Paige: Ah, found 'em! (She sees Ghost #1 standing on the stairs.) Ah! Who are you? Ghost #1: What? Wait, you can see me? Paige: More like through you. (Piper goes to Paige.) Piper: Paige, stand back. Phoebe? Phoebe: What? (Ghost #1 disappears. Phoebe walks in.) We just saw a ghost, that's what. Paige: Yeah, my first one too. I mean, that I wasn't related to. It was kind of cool. Piper: No, not cool. Unless he was friendly which considering who we are and what we do probably not. Phoebe: This is great. This is exactly what I need today. What do we do? Piper: You go back to your deadline. I'll go get the book and brush up on my ghost busting. Paige: No-no-no. I'll go do it. Piper: You just said you were late for work. Paige: Yeah, but I mean, he's a ghost. Who knows where he came from, what era. He's like a piece of man hunk history. Piper: Knock yourself out. (Paige leaves the room. Piper walks over and picks up a photo of Leo in his army uniform.) [Cut to the memorial hall. Rick is staring at a photo of Leo which is pinned to the hall of honor. His brother appears and walks over to him.] Rick: Reek on report. Ghost #1: Well, Wyatt's grandson is definitely living the good life. Rick: Not for long. Ghost #1: Not so fast, Rick. His wife was there. And she could see me. Rick: The witch? Ghost #1: Plus two sisters. For a grand total of three witches. Listen, Rick, I was thinking maybe we should just forget about this. Rick: Forget about what? What Wyatt did to us? The fact he trapped us in this hell on earth? You wanna forget him? No way. The grandson's gonna pay for what the grandfather did to us. (Rick pulls off Leo's photo off the wall and it smashes on the floor.) Ghost #1: Someday you're gonna have to show me how you did that. (A guard walks in and looks around.) Rick: No time like the present. Some say hatred can harden the heart. (He walks towards the guard.) I've found that it can also harden the body. (Rick becomes visible and the guard gasps.) Guard: Whoa. (Rick grabs a bayonet and stabs the guard with it. The guard falls to the floor. Rick: Now it's your turn, Nathan. Focus on everything that Wyatt stole from us. Our life, our family, our future. (Nathan closes his eyes.) Feel the hatred. Now bring it to the surface. (Nathan turns visible.) Nathan: I did it. Rick: Now, take the bayonet. You'll need the practice. 'Cause with witches around we're gonna have to be at the top of our game. [Scene: Cole's office. Cole is there interviewing a beautiful, blonde woman.] Cole: What kind of legal documents did you draft as a paralegal? Woman: Discovery, administrative, pre-trial, trial, motions, pleadings. Cole: What's your dictations be? Woman: One hundred and twenty words a minute. Cole: How fast can you shimmer across town? Woman: Thirty miles in two seconds. Cole: Demonic powers? Woman: Fireballs, shape shifting. Cole: Your last kill? Woman: Two years ago. Cole: Two years ago, why so long? Woman: Killing's messy. My services are usually a little more discreet. Cole: I'll give you a trial run... Julie. I'm trying to separate my wife from the harmful influence of her sisters. Julie: The Charmed Ones. Cole: It's very important for me to keep Phoebe away from them. She might be pregnant with my son. Julie: You almost say that like you love her. (He glances at a picture of him and Phoebe on his desk.) Cole: Apart of me does, unfortunately. Anyway, (he walks around his desk) my plan is more insidious than avert. I set off the fire alarm this morning, I'll cut the power off this afternoon, whatever it takes to make Phoebe's home feel cramped and unliveable. Julie: And seduce her with a promise of a better life? Cole: Exactly. But it takes caution, focus. I need someone to cover me at work, watch my back. Julie: Well, I'll watch whatever part you want. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The school teacher's house. Leo is there fixing a kitchen sink.] Teacher: He couldn't believe I suspended him but what could I do? He brought a knife into my classroom. Now he's threatening me, says he knows where I live. Leo: See, that's why I'm a plumber. Pipes are a lot easier to deal with than kids today. Teacher: I always wanted to be a teacher, but not at the cost of my life. That's why I've decided to quit. Leo: That's too bad. With all the good you're gonna do in this world, gone forever. Teacher: Going to do? Leo: I mean, can do. (Water starts spurting out of a pipe.) Teacher: I don't want to quit. I just don't have the courage to stay. (Leo heals the pipe and the water stops spurting out.) Leo: Well, the only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. Maybe you should just focus on that. Teacher: You bill as a plumber or a therapist? Leo: Ah, whatever it takes to stop the leak. (He stands up.) Which by the way, is healed. I mean, sealed. Teacher: What do I owe you? Leo: This one's on the house. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Paige are there. Paige is looking through the Book of Shadows while Piper is going through some of Leo's stuff. Phoebe's in the dining room typing on the laptop.] Paige: Did you know there's a potion in here to vanquish ghosts? Piper: Yeah, uh, you pour it over their bones. We used it a couple of years ago. That's weird, look at this. (She holds up a medal.) Paige: What is it? Piper: Leo's medal of honour. And it's just stuffed in his old army file like it doesn't mean anything. Paige: Aww, maybe he's just being humble. Piper: No, it's not that, it's something else. I know it, I know him. Phoebe: There's also a spell to vanquish ghosts. It should be in the book somewhere. Paige: Oh, yeah, it's in here alright. The only problem is, it that you have to be a ghost yourself to say it. Which is fairly lame. (The power goes off.) Uh, not again. Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no. I didn't save any of it. I just lost half my document. Piper: Alright, relax, I'll check the circuit breaker. Phoebe: I really need to get my own place. Piper: Sorry? Phoebe: Nothing. (Phoebe walks into the kitchen and picks up the phone. She dials a number.) Julie: Cole Turner's office. Phoebe: Hi, who's this? Julie: I'm Julie, Mr. Turner's new assistant. Who's this? Phoebe: I'm Phoebe, Mr. Turner's new wife. Julie: Oh, really? I didn't realise he was married. Phoebe: Yeah, he is and I really need to talk to him, it's very important. (Piper walks in and grabs a flashlight out of a drawer.) Julie: I'm afraid he's not in his office. Can I take a message? (Piper walks into the basement.) Phoebe: No, I'm sorry, you can't. But he said he'd be in the office all day and I really, really need to talk to him right away. [Cut to the basement. Piper walks down the stairs. Cole peeks around from behind the door.] Phoebe's Voice: (on phone) Hi, baby. (Cole gets a shock.) What, did you hire your new assistant on the spot? Well, you could've at least told her that you were married. (Cole peeks into the kitchen, confused.) Look, I hate to bother you, but I was kind of hoping that you could help me. (The lights come back on.) Piper: Power's on! (Cole flames out.) [Cut to his office. He flames in. Julie is there talking on the phone to Phoebe.] Phoebe: I just can't get any work done here, and I am so pushing my deadline. Julie: (in Cole's voice) What can I do? Phoebe: I can't get to the office, right, because they're painting it. So I was wondering if... Julie: (Cole's voice) I knew of a place you could work? As a matter of fact I do. Cole: Why don't you meet me at the towers in twenty minutes. Phoebe: The towers where the party is tonight? Cole: Yeah, but that's tonight. Nobody's using them today. Phoebe: Okay. Sounds good. Cole: (whispers to Julie) Drived. Phoebe: I'll see you there. Thanks. [Cut to the manor. Phoebe hangs up.] Phoebe: Uh, call me on my cell if you need anything. Okay, I've gotta go. (Phoebe leaves and Paige walks in.) Paige: Nice job with the lights, sis. Piper: I can't figure out what keeps tripping the breaker. Paige: Maybe it's a ghost. (She holds up a photo.) Found this in the file. The guy to the left of Leo. Does he look familiar? That's our ghost. He was killed in action. His brother's on the right. They died the same day as Leo. Could be a reunion he wants to avoid having. Piper: Leo? Leo, I mean it this time. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: What? What is it? (Piper shows him the photo.) Nathan. Piper: Yeah, we just met him. He looked pretty good, a little transparent, but otherwise he looked pretty good. For a dead guy. Talk to me. Leo: There's nothing to talk about. Rick: Hey, Wyatt. (Piper and Paige back away from the voice. Rick and Nathan walk through the wall.) You're right, little brother. He is the spitting image of his grandfather. (Rick grabs a kitchen knife.) Leo: Rick, don't! (Rick throws the knife, hitting Leo in the chest. Leo falls to the floor.) Nathan: Rick? How did he know your name? (Leo pulls out the knife and the wound heals itself.) Rick: Leo. Leo: I can explain. (Leo gets up.) Nathan: Rick, let's go. Rick, come on, let's go! (They disappear into the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Paige and Leo are there.] Leo: I can't believe they've been holding on this long just to hurt me. Paige: What I don't understand is why they're not transparent anymore. I mean, other than the walking through walls thing, they kind of seem normal to me. Leo: They've been practising. Corporealising so they can move things. Piper: Yeah, like butcher knives. Leo: Well, they're holding onto their pain, that's what keeps them from moving on. Piper: Their pain? Leo, they just tried to kill you. Paige: Yeah, lucky they're not Darklighters otherwise you would've been killed. Again. Leo: You don't understand, we were friends. We grew up together down in Burlingame. I went to school with Nathan. When the war came we made a deal with our recruitment officer that we would enlist as long as they kept us in the same unit. Paige: You were close. Leo: Yeah. Piper: So, um, what do they think you did? Leo: We just got transferred onto the island. We got ambushed outside the air field. Heavy artillery, order fire. They couldn't keep up with the injuries, the bodies. And I heard Rick's voice. [Flashback. The war is happening. Bombs and guns are going off in the distance. Rick carries Nathan away from the bombs and puts him on the ground.] Rick: Leo! Leo! Leo, get over here quick! Get over here! Nathan's been hit. Leo: (to a soldier) Stabilise his leg. Get him on the jeep. Go! Go! Go! Go! (Leo runs over to Rick and Nathan.) Rick: It's bad isn't it? Leo: What hit him? Rick: Mortar frag hit us with heavy artillery, out of nowhere. All battalions down. (An explosion goes off near them.) Leo: We've gotta get him inside. Rick: Yeah. (They pick him up and carry over to a stretcher.) Leo: Medical tent! Get the sulfa powder. We've gotta stop the bleeding, he's going into shock. How many soldiers down out there? Rick: I don't know, they hit us so hard. Maybe fifteen or twenty, I don't know. Leo: I need a morphine kit. (The nurse hands him the kit.) Rick: You've gotta help him. He needs you, we both need you. Leo: Is there a medic out in the field? Rick: I don't know, I don't know. Leo: Rookinson, try to stabilise him. (He grabs a bag.) Rick: What are you doing? Leo: To go help those out in the field. Rick: What? Leo: Rookinson will take care of him. Rick: No-no-no, you're gonna take care of him. That's Nathan on that bench. Leo: Look, there's men dying on that field and nobody to take care of them! Rick: You're gonna chose them over us?! Leo: I'm sorry. (Leo runs away.) Rick: We're your friends! Nathan's gonna die! Don't let him die... (A bomb hits the tent and kills everyone near it.) [Cut back to the manor. Leo is crying.] Leo: I should've stayed. I should've tried to save Nathan and get him outta there. Piper: Then you would've all died in the tent. And all the guys in the field that you did save would've died too. You did the right thing. Paige: And Leo, god sakes, you were awarded the medal of honor, posthumously I might add. Leo: I didn't deserve it. Piper: Right, so I suppose you didn't deserve to be a Whitelighter for sacrificing your life to save others. Leo: Were those lives anymore important? Then Nathan's or Rick's? Or anyone else in that tent? You know, a good friend put his life in my hands and I left him to die. All the good that I've done since then, can't erase that fact. Maybe I didn't deserve to become a Whitelighter. Paige: Hey, news flash, friends don't kill each other, okay. I say we douse their dusty bones with our magic potion and vanquish their sorry asses. Leo: No, you can't do that. They didn't do anything wrong. Piper: Okay, so what do you suggest? Leo: If I could talk to them, make them understand why I did what I did. Then maybe they can move on. Piper: Maybe you all can. We need to find where they were buried so we can summon them. Before they try to hurt anybody else. Paige: Yeah, like us. [Scene: The memorial hall. Rick and Nathan are there.] Rick: A Whitelighter. I still can't believe they made him a frickin' angel. I mean, how can they reward him for turning his back on his friends. Nathan: Yeah. But did you see the look on his face when he saw us. Guilt. Total guilt. At least he knows he's living a lie built on our corpses. Rick: So what? Who cares? I still want him dead! (He throws a chair at a glass display case.) Nathan: You can't kill a Whitelighter. Rick: Maybe not. But we can hurt him. By taking the things that (he knocks over a shelf) he holds dear. Make him dread his eternal life, punish him, make him feel like the fraud he is. By killing those he loves. Who knows, maybe then, we will be able to kill him. (He tips over a table.) Pay back is a witch. [Scene: An apartment building. Phoebe and Cole walk into a large, beautiful apartment.] Phoebe: Wow! Are you kidding me? Cole: The firm leases it for parties, retreats, special occasions. I think you qualify. Phoebe: It's so big, and beautiful, and big. (She giggles.) Cole: Wait, listen. Phoebe: What? I don't hear anything. Cole: Exactly. The caterer's aren't coming until four so you can use it till then. Phoebe: And you're sure you won't get in trouble? Cole: I'm already in trouble, I'm in love. (She hits him playfully. She sits at a table.) Phoebe: Um, I have to ask you a question. Were you serious this morning when you suggested that we get a place of our own together? Cole: What do you think? Phoebe: I don't know. Branching a Halliwell away from the manor... it's never been done before. Cole: I like a challenge. Phoebe: It's not that I don't want to, it's just, how do I break up the power of three? (Cole sits down.) Cole: You guys don't have to keep living together to be charmed. Not anymore. The Source is dead, Leo can orb you back at a moments notice, so can Paige for that matter. If we don't do it now, then when? Phoebe: Piper'll kill me. Cole: The manor's too crowded. There's not enough room, hell there's not enough electricity. Phoebe: Or privacy. Cole: Well, just enjoy your peace here today. (He heads for the elevator.) We'll talk more tonight at the party. Phoebe: Oh, no, the party, I totally forgot. I didn't bring anything to wear. Cole: Don't worry, you just concentrate on your advice column. I'll take care of everything, I promise. (The elevator opens and Julie is there. Cole walks in and closes the elevator doors.) Julie: Going down? Cole: My wife needs a dress for the party tonight. (Julie spins around and her suit turns into a black dress.) Julie: Something like this? Cole: Classy, but too safe. I want Phoebe noticed. (Julie spins around again and the dress turns into a red singlet top showing a lot of cleavage and a mini skirt.) Not that noticed. (Julie spins again and the red outfit changes into a long black skirt and holtertop.) Perfect. Julie: Thank you. You sure you don't wanna see that red number again? Cole: Just save it, okay. I'm not interested, I'm a one woman demon. Julie: You're the boss. Cole: I'll be in touch. (Cole flames out and Julie shimmers out.) [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Paige hangs up the phone.] Paige: Found them. Rick and Nathan Lang, buried November 22nd, 1942 at the local V.A. (She walks into the living room where Piper and Leo are.) Piper: Okay, where's the book? We need the summoning spell. Paige: Already ahead of you. (She holds up a piece of paper.) Who are you gonna call? Piper: Cute. Lets go. (The Elders call Leo.) Leo: Wait, something's wrong. It's Maria, the teacher, she's in trouble. I have to go to her. (Rick and Nathan pop their head through the wall.) Paige: But what about the ghosts? I thought we had to find them before they hurt someone else. Leo: If something happens to one of my charges... Piper: No-no, it's okay. Um, go, and-and just meet us there when you're done. It's all gonna be okay. (Leo orbs out.) Let's go. [Cut to outside. Rick and Nathan stop looking inside.] Nathan: Should we wait for the sisters to separate? Rick: No, we can take care of them later. We're following Wyatt. Nathan: Wyatt? Why? Rick: Because nothing pushes a Whitelighter over the edge faster than losing a charge. Let's go. (They disappear.) [Cut to Maria's place. Maria and a teenage boy are there. The boy is pointing a knife at her.] Teenage Boy: I told you, lady, I told you. Don't sweat me! (Leo comes in.) Leo: Easy. Maria: Leo. Teenage Boy: Who are you? The boyfriend? Oh, you've come just in time to see the show. Sit down, clown, there's a front row seat. Leo: Alright, listen, just put the knife down and we can talk about this. (He swings the knife at Leo and grabs him.) Teenage Boy: You wanna talk, chump? Maria: Greg, don't. Greg: You diss me, teach. Got me in a whole lotta trouble here, now somebody's gonna pay. Leo: (to Maria) Don't be afraid. Teach. Greg: Shut up. Shut up. You're the one who should be afraid right about now. Maria: Stop it, Greg, don't be stupid. Greg: Stupid. Is that what I am? Maria: If you hurt him you will be. It'll be the stupidest thing you've ever done and there won't be any coming back from it. You're life will be over. Greg: My life is already over! Maria: No, it's not, not yet. It takes more courage to put down that knife than to use it. Believe me. (She holds out her hand.) Give me the knife, Greg. Greg: You'll call the police. Maria: No I won't. (Greg drops the knife and runs out of the apartment.) Are you alright? Leo: Yeah, I think so. You did a good job teaching him a lesson. Maria: Thanks to you. Leo: What did I do? Maria: Help me remember why I wanted to be a teacher. (Rick appears and picks up the knife.) Leo: No! (Rick stabs Maria in the back.) Maria! (Nathan appears and holds Leo back.) Rick: You will watch her die just like you watched us die. Leo: No! Maria! No. (Maria's spirit floats out of her body.) Let go! Don't, fight it. Nathan: Her blood is on your hands. (They let Leo go and Leo crawls over to Maria. He tries to heal her.) Leo: Maria. Why? She didn't do anything! She was innocent! Rick: So were we! (Rick and Nathan disappear.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Piper and Paige walk in through the front door.] Piper: Okay, you can get the vanquishing spell and I'll get (yells) Leo! Paige: Uh, don't you mean potion? Remember, the spell only works if you're dead. Piper: Right. Spell potion, whatever. Leo! Paige: So does that mean we're not interested in helping them move on? Piper: To hell maybe. That's what they deserve. We went to the VA to help misguided ghosts, not killer ghosts. Paige: We don't know for sure that they killed that guard. Vanquishing potion, I'm on it. (Phoebe stands on the stairs wearing the black outfit.) Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe: What's the matter? Don't you recognise me? What do you think? Paige: You look beautiful. Phoebe: Thank you. Piper: Wow, Cole is kinda splurging lately, huh? Phoebe: Yeah, and I am not complaining. I enjoy being the bell of the ball. Piper: Well, sorry, Cinderella, the ball's been cancelled. We have killer ghosts. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: You're kidding? You are not kidding. Okay, well, is it possible that you guys can maybe handle this without me? Paige: Phoebe, they tried to kill Leo. Phoebe: What? Paige: Grudge from the past. Ugh, I'll go do the potion. Phoebe: Okay, and I will call Cole and tell him no to the party. I guess I can tell him no to anything. (She picks up the phone.) Piper: What's that supposed to mean? Phoebe: Nothing, nothing. Cole wants us to get our own place. Paige: What, you mean move out? Phoebe: Yeah, you know, like normal married couples do. Piper: We didn't. Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not normal. Piper: Neither are you. Phoebe: Look, I don't wanna fight about this, but I just don't like the feeling that sometimes I have to choose between my sisters and my husband. Piper: It's not about that and you know it. Phoebe: How long are we all gonna stay here? You know, another year? Another five years? Another fifty years? At what point do we move on with our lives and not let evil dictate with them? Piper: You're right. Go to your party. We'll take care of the ghosts. Phoebe: Uh, you hate me right now. Piper: No, I don't. Paige: Yes she does. Piper: Look, we can talk about this later. Right now you need to go take care of your man and I need to take care of mine. It's as simple as that. We don't need the power of three to do this. (Phoebe heads for the door.) Paige: (to Piper) You know, I've got a bone to pick with you. Seeing as how you practically forced me to move in here. Piper: Where's Leo? I already called for him twice. Leo! You're half-Whitelighter, see if you can sense him. Paige: Sense him? I've never done that before. Piper: Well, try now. (Paige closes her eyes for a moment, then opens them.) Paige: I think he's in trouble. Piper: Well, go find him. Now. [Cut to Maria's place. Leo is sitting on the floor beside Maria, crying. Paige orbs in.] Paige: Leo. Leo: I tried to stop them but I couldn't. Paige: Okay, come on. Come on. Let's get up. (She pulls him away from Maria.) Let's go over here. That's it. (They sit on the couch.) Okay, what happened? Leo: They're getting even with me. They killed her because of me. Paige: Who? Rick and Nathan? Leo: Because I left them to die. They're making me pay. (He cries.) Paige: Come on, let's get you home. Leo: I don't have my powers anymore. Paige: What happened? Leo: I can't orb or heal. Paige: But how? Leo: It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have been given them in the first place. Paige: That is not true. Your powers must be tied to your emotions like ours. That means you can get them back. You just have to pick yourself up. Don't let them defeat you. You are not responsible for their actions. Leo: Aren't I? They're ghosts because of me. Their rage comes from something that I did. If I can just give myself to them. Paige: They'd kill you. Because without your powers you're defenceless, like a mortal. Okay, we've got to get you home. Leo: No! Nobody else is gonna die because of me. You understand? These are my demons, not yours! Paige: Okay, just, just give me a minute. I-I am gonna go and I'm gonna get Phoebe and Piper, I'll be right back, I promise. Don't leave. (Paige orbs out.) [Cut to the rooftop of the building. Rick and Nathan are there.] Rick: Defenceless as a mortal, huh? We've got him right where we want him. Nathan: I don't know, Rick. Rick: You don't know? After waiting all this time you're having second thoughts? Nathan: No. Just the opposite. It doesn't feel like it's enough just killing him. I want him to suffer first. Rick: Follow me. (They disappear.) [Scene: The apartment where the party is. Cole and Phoebe are dancing.] Phoebe: Penny for your thoughts, counsellor. Cole: Just that I hope I never disappoint you. Phoebe: Mm, I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. (A co-worker approaches them.) Co-Worker: Ah, welcome aboard, Turner. We're lucky to have you. Cole: Thank you. (He walks away.) Phoebe: Baby, I am so proud of you. You have come so far. Further than any one here in this room could even imagine. Even me, I'm seeing you in a totally different way. Cole: We've both come along way. We deserve all of this, and more. Phoebe: It's just everything is happening so fast, you know, so many changes. It's a little scary sometimes. Cole: So maybe we shouldn't move out of the manor then? Phoebe: Mmm, maybe. Now who's disappointing who. Cole: You could never disappoint me. (They kiss. Paige comes up to them.) Paige: Sorry to interrupt. Phoebe: Paige, what are you doing here? Paige: I thought I'd track you down first, Leo needs our help bad. (Phoebe looks at Cole.) Cole: By all means. Go. (They kiss quickly.) Phoebe: Okay. Cole: Call me. (Phoebe and Paige leave.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper has set up candles and a potion on a table. She puts some things in a pot. Rick appears behind her and grabs a knife. Piper turns around and he throws the knife. Piper freezes it in mid air. She unfreezes it and it drops to the ground.] Piper: I'll kill you. Rick: That potion only works on my bones. Remember? (Nathan appears behind her. She spins around and he stabs her. She falls to the floor. Rick and Nathan kneel beside her. Rick covers her mouth.) No calling out for help, Mrs. Wyatt, not this time. Not that he can help you anyway. Nathan: Rick, let's go, man, let's go. Rick: No, no, I wanna enjoy this. Every last beat. (He reaches inside her chest and squeezes onto her heart.) Your husband's next. (Piper stops breathing.) There. (Phoebe and Paige run in.) Phoebe: Hey! Paige: Piper! (They race over to her. Phoebe feels for a pulse.) Rick: We'll be back. (They disappear.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is using CPR on Piper.] Phoebe: Come on, breathe. (Paige orbs in.) Where's Leo? Paige: He wasn't at Maria's. Where's the ambulance? Phoebe: Still not here. Paige: Is she...? Phoebe: No, as long as we keep the blood flowing she still has a chance. Put some pressure on her wound please. (Paige grabs a towel and puts it on Piper's wound.) Leo: Piper! Paige: Leo, upstairs, hurry! (Leo runs in.) Leo: What happened? Phoebe: Where have you been? Leo: Looking for them. (Rick and Nathan appear.) Rick: And here we are. (Nathan punches Leo and he lands on a table, breaking it. Paige lunges at Rick and he turns invisible. She goes right through him landing into some boxes. She looks up and he slaps her.) Rick: You can't hurt us, but we can hurt you. (He picks up the knife and aims at Phoebe.) Leo: Wait! You don't want them, you want me! You wanna get even, get even with me! Rick: You're right. I trusted you with my life and you left me! (He punches Leo in the face. Piper's spirit floats out of her body.) Piper's Spirit: What's going on? Phoebe: Piper? (Piper sees her body.) Piper's Spirit: Oh. Oh my. (Rick and Nathan beat up Leo.) Rick: You were our friend and you left us to die. Piper's Spirit: Quick, get the book, the spell. Phoebe: Which one? Paige: The one only a ghost can say. (Rick holds a knife above Leo.) Nathan: Do it. Piper: "Ashes to ashes..." Nathan: What the hell? Piper's Spirit: "Spirit to spirit, take their souls, banish this evil." Rick: No. (They are vanquished. Piper starts floating up.) Piper's Spirit: Uh, little help here, people. Paige: Damn it, Leo, do something. You're a Whitelighter for a reason, because you did good things. Phoebe: Think of all the lives you've saved, all the good you've done. Paige: And all the lives you won't save if you give up now, including your wife's. Leo: Piper. (He rushes over to her body.) Come on, damn it, breathe. (He starts CPR.) Don't die, not this way. Because of me. (His powers come back and he starts healing her. Her spirit returns to her body and she gasps.) Piper: Well, it's about time. (Paige giggles.) That was close. (They hug.) Really close. [Scene: The apartment. The party has finished. Cole is there staring out the window. Phoebe walks in.] Cole: Everything alright? Phoebe: Yes, it's better now. Let's see... Leo lost his powers and then Piper died and it got really dicey when she turned into a ghost but everything worked out. Cole: Glad it was nothing serious. (Phoebe laughs and hugs him.) You ready to go home? Phoebe: No. Can't we stay a little while longer? Cole: Well, we can stay as long as you like. The place is ours. Phoebe: Excuse me? Cole: The firm's offered it to me. All we have to do is say yes. Phoebe: Uh, well, I guess now that Paige can orb to me if something comes up and seeing as we just proved we can still save the day. Hmm... (She looks around.) Yes. Cole: Yes? Phoebe: Yeah. (They kiss.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Guadalcanal reunion. Elderly people have gathered in a room. Piper and Leo arrive.] Piper: Come on. You belong here. Leo: I don't know, I still don't think it's a good idea. Piper: Your grandfather would want you to be here. (They walk into the room.) Elderly Man #1: Hey, you. Dear, god. I'm looking at a ghost. Piper: (to Leo) You know him? Leo: Yeah. Elderly Man #1: You're related to Leo Wyatt, aren't you? Piper: Yes, this is his grandson, Leo Wyatt the third. Elderly Man #1: Billy, Frank. (Two men stand beside the man.) I want you to meet the grandson of the man who made it possible for you to be born. His grandfather died, saving my life, sixty years ago. You wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that man. Billy: It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wyatt. (He shakes Leo's hand.) My dad's been telling stories about your grandpa since I was a boy. I'd like you to meet my family. Hey, guys, come here. Elderly Man #1: Franklin, Serdez... (Another two men walk over.) He's kin to Leo Wyatt. He's the one who saved your butts too. Franklin: God bless you, son. (He shakes Leo's hand. Other elderly men wander over to Leo and they all shake his hand.) Elderly Man #2: A pleasure to meet you. Elderly Man #3: Nice meeting you, son. (A woman walks over to Piper.) Woman: What's going on? Who is that? Piper: My hero. (She smiles.)
Plan: A: Leo; Q: Who does the pair of brothers want to kill? A: revenge; Q: What do the brothers who served with Leo in World War 2 want from him? A: their deaths; Q: What do the brothers want revenge for? A: the Seer; Q: Who does Cole plot with to get Phoebe to move out of the Manor? A: a way; Q: What does Cole plot to find to get Phoebe to move out of the Manor? A: their own place; Q: Where does Cole want Phoebe to move to? A: the Power of Three; Q: What does Cole want to break? Summary: When a pair of brothers who served in World War 2 with Leo return and seek revenge on Leo for their deaths, he has no choice to do what they want before the brothers hurt everyone he loves. Cole begins to plot with the Seer and a new demonic assistant to find a way to get Phoebe to move out of the Manor and into their own place in order to break the Power of Three.
"Player Under Pressure" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open: Atlantic State University gymnasium. Brennan and Booth exit the car amid the flashing lights of police cruisers.) BRENNAN: Wow. I guess there's life on this campus after all. BOOTH: Oh what? You've been here before? BRENNAN: I guest lectured last year. Forensic science majors. Four students showed up. Just four! BOOTH: Four? What was your topic? BRENNAN: Dimorphic distinctions within the human thoracic cavity. BOOTH: Boy, and just four whole people showed up, huh? (Brennan gives Booth a look.) BRENNAN: The dean blamed it on some game halfway across the country. BOOTH: C'mon, this is Atlantic State University, home of the Jaguars. Okay, other than s*x and beer, nothing is more important to these kids than their basketball team. BRENNAN: What about academics? BOOTH: Tell you what, you bring your little, uh, didactic thoracic, uh, speech here any other time of the year and, uh, you'll draw maybe five, five and a half easy. BRENNAN: Dimorphic, not didactic. (Booth and Brennan enter gymnasium.) (Cut to: Inside of gymnasium, the bleachers are being rolled out.) FBI AGENT CARLIE BURNS: Student employee named Justine Berry opened up the practice gym. Campus police called us because they didn't know what to make of what they found. BOOTH: (slaps the other FBI agent on the back) Yeah, I got it. (Chief Jack Cutler approaches.) FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth, that there is uh, that's Dr. Brennan. CUTLER: Chief Jack Cutler, campus police. Justine was opening up the gym after the four day weekend. (Brennan, Booth and Cutler approach a gothic looking student.) BOOTH: You work here Miss Berry? JUSTINE: What the hell? You know what I mean? BRENNAN: Not at all. JUSTINE: Second I unlock the door, the smell just... (Looks to Culter) right? (Brennan, Booth and Cutler walk toward the back of the bleachers.) CUTLER: The bleachers fold out. You need a key to open or shut them. Whatever got caught back here, it sure as hell ain't an animal. BOOTH: Whoa, it? BRENNAN: Sounds interesting (Cut to: Brennan and Booth entering the back of the bleachers.) BOOTH: Oh, hey. Y'know, last time I was under the bleachers, I was, uh, getting ready to smoke a cigarette and make out with Vanessa Taylor. (Brennan pulls on some gloves.) BRENNAN: I didn't know you smoked. BOOTH: Eighth grade, Bones. Huh? C'mon, didn't you ever get naughty with a jock under the bleachers? BRENNAN: Wait. You were a jock? BOOTH: Well, you know you had to be one if you wanted to make out with Vanessa Taylor. (They come upon a mass of liquefied remains over which flies are buzzing and maggots are crawling. It is a body that was clearly squished beneath the bleachers into a grate in the wall.) BOOTH: What is it? BONES: Male. (Sniffs) Smell that? BOOTH: You're kidding. BONES: Well, I don't mean decomp. Alcohol. BOOTH: Vagrant passes out by the heating grate and somebody closes up the bleachers. (A squeaking sound and movement come from the deceased's clothes.) BOOTH: Whoa! (Steps back quickly.) BRENNAN: (Smiling, she lifts a rat by its tail.) That would account for the accelerated decomp. BOOTH: (Whistles.) BRENNAN: (Pulls back some of the clothing.) And the babies. BOOTH: Baby rats? BRENNAN: Yeah. We'll need them. BOOTH: 'Kay, um. Yeah, uh. Chief Cutler, you got a rat carrier? (Cut to: Chief Cutler at the end of the bleachers.) CUTLER: Yeah, I'll find something. BRENNAN: We'll need the floor. (Cut to: Booth's look of disbelief.) BOOTH: The floor? BRENNAN: And whatever got pushed through that grate. CUTLER: (Approaches with a gym bag.) Here you go, this do? BOOTH: Yeah, that'll be great. Just put that rat there in the rat motel and we're good to go. BRENNAN: We'll need to take the pinkies or they'll die. BOOTH: Yeah, cause the world needs more rats. (Looks at the ring on Cutler's finger.) Eighty-two Champs. Eighty-two Champs? Let me see that ring. (Looks at it more closely.) Wait a minute. Chief Cutler as in Jack "Cutter" Cutler? CUTLER: Yeah, haven't heard that one in a while. BOOTH: Ha! Bones! You're looking at the star point guard for one of the best college basketball teams, ever! BRENNAN: Huh. BOOTH: Drafted by the Detroit Pistons. CUTLER: Knees blew out. Ended my career. BRENNAN: (Picks up a chain off the deceased.) Booth. BOOTH: Yeah? (Looks down at the chain, a number eleven dangling from it, then looks to Cutler.) Eleven. CUTLER: (Shaking his head.) Oh my God, no. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: Hey, did he wear one of these? CUTLER: He never took it off. BRENNAN: Who? BOOTH: R.J. Manning. He's one of the best college forwards in the conference. I mean, he was destined to be the number one pick. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means, but if this is Manning, that's not going to happen. (Astonished looks pass between Booth and Brennan before cutting to the remains where flies continue to buzz.) ACT ONE (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab- platform. Zack and Brennan conversing. Hodgins and Cam examining remains.) ZACK: Eight seconds for the bleachers to close? BRENNAN: According to the Chief of campus police. ZACK: I don't think the victim was killed by the bleachers. HODGINS: What do you mean? Dude's an accordion. CAM: Well, what killed him if it wasn't the bleachers closing? ZACK: The skull shows evidence of powdering. BRENNAN: Crushing would snap the bone. Multiple strikes lead to powdering. ZACK: But, it is possible that the skull being forced through the grate caused the powdering. We'll know more after the skull is reconstructed. HODGINS: Man, the Jaguars will not be the same without R.J. Manning. ZACK: Thirty plus points in his last five games. Forty plus in the last three. BRENNAN: Ugh, not you guys, too. HODGINS: Hey, R.J. Manning was going to be the next Kobe Bryant. CAM: That explains why every news source in town wants to confirm his death. BRENNAN: The ancient Greeks chased a ball made of animal skin wrapped around seeds. But that was a fertility rite played in the nude. HODGINS: Nude? Count me in. ZACK: I tend to look better fully clothed. BRENNAN: (Examining the skull.) Both central and lateral maxillary incisors are implants. ZACK: (Nodding.) That's a match. BRENNAN: (Looks from the screen where Manning's picture is displayed to the rest of the group.) It's Manning. CAM: I'll inform the press. (Cam exits.) BRENNAN: Zack, your priority is to classify the skull fractures. HODGINS: (Chuckling.) Dude, you're not going home for days. (Zack gives Hodgins a dirty look.) BRENNAN: The victim's clothing and the chunk of floor should keep you pretty busy, too, Dr. Hodgins. (Hodgins looks humbled.) (Cut to: FBI Building- Conference Room. Brennan and Booth sit across the table from R.J.'s sisters, one called Kamaria, and George Francis.) KAMARIA: (Clearly upset.) Sure it's R.J. and not just somebody wearing his medallion? BRENNAN: We matched your brother's dental records. GEORGE FRANCIS: That means it's, it's definitely R.J., Kamaria. BOOTH: Are you R.J.'s lawyer? FRANCIS: No, uh well, you could probably say that. I'm uh, I'm alumnus of Atlantic State. Um, what I do now is I volunteer my time to help the team with their finances and their scholarships, living arrangements. BRENNAN: Did you all live together? KAMARIA: No, R.J. lived on campus. But he still takes care of me and my little sister. FRANCIS: Their parents passed away two years ago. KAMARIA: We lived on R.J.'s scholarship and Mr. Francis got me a good job downtown. (Cut to: Family picture of R.J., Kamaria and their little sister.) BOOTH: Yeah, R.J. ever mention any trouble in his life lately? Arguments? KAMARIA: (Shakes her head.) Only... (Looks to Francis who nods.) FRANCIS: No, it's okay, it's okay. KAMARIA: He had a fight with Mr. Francis. BOOTH: Why did R.J. strike you? FRANCIS: I dunno, he was an exhausted 20 year old man and I was treating him like a kid. (Shrugs) KAMARIA: R.J. loved Mr. Francis. We all do. You can ask R.J.'s girlfriend. FRANCIS: That's Dallas Verona, she's a cheerleader. Uh, also you know you should talk to Coach Morse. They were the two people closest to him, other than his family. (Booth and Brennan look at each other.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins is trying to stretch a turkey carcass over a replica of a human skull. Zack is looking over his shoulder.) HODGINS: Dammit. I should have gotten a bigger turkey. Do you have a smaller skull? ZACK: Do I have a smaller skull than whom? HODGINS: (Exasperated.) I meant is there a smaller skull we can wrap in this turkey carcass. (Cam enters.) CAM: Boys, this better be good. ZACK: It's going to take me a very long time to reconstruct R.J. Manning's skull. In order to discover whether he died from multiple blows... HODGINS: Which suggests murder. (Speaking as he puts the turkey covered skull in a machine.) ZACK: Or if the skull was crushed through the heating grate, just like this one... HODGINS: We covered a skull with turkey meat. ZACK: I calibrated the pounds per square inch from the closing bleachers. HODGINS: And we filled the skull cavity with a gelatinous matrix. CAM: (Nods.) Okay, turn it on. (They all put on safety goggles and Hodgins rubs his hands together before turning on the machine. Hodgins and Zack bend down to watch the turkey come through the grate. It explodes and the gelatinous matrix splatters them in the face.) CAM: (With gelatinous matrix on her face and in her hair.) By gelatinous matrix you meant ambrosia salad? HODGINS: Gelatinous matrix sounded better. ZACK: (Zack inspects the remains of the turkey and skull replica.) There's absolutely no sign of powdering here. HODGINS: Then R.J. Manning was killed by multiple strikes to the head. (Zack nods. Cam nods and wipes some of the ambrosia salad from her chin, shaking her head as she exits.) (Cut to: Booth and Brennan in the car, conversing.) BOOTH: I tell you, George Francis does not care about that family. BRENNAN: Kamaria seemed to like him. BOOTH: Yeah well sure, because he paid the rent and made her brother a star. But, you know, he's got a whole other agenda. BRENNAN: How do you know? BOOTH: 'Cause, I was a college athlete. Guys like that, they're always buzzin' around campus. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Why? Cause there's millions of dollars at stake. BRENNAN: For bouncing a ball? BOOTH: Yeah, all that bouncing, you know, translates into dollars. From TV rights, revenue shares, uh, tournament fees. BRENNAN: Well, I don't understand what's interesting about it. BOOTH: Well, unlike you, most people enjoy a pastime that, uh, takes them out of their head. BRENNAN: Takes them out of their head, like drugs and alcohol. (Booth looks annoyed and Brennan's cell phone rings.) BRENNAN: Brennan. (Listens to the other end of the line for a moment then turns to Booth.) Hodgins and Zack proved that R.J. was murdered. BOOTH: Murdered. (Cut to: ASU gymnasium. The basketball team is listening to Coach Morse. Brennan and Booth stand to one side, listening.) MORSE: We've suffered a loss, gentlemen. One of our brothers is gone. As a team, we grieve for him. But I tell you what you do not weep for, though. Lose the best damn power forward in this entire country. (Cut to: Cheerleaders sitting on the bleachers.) (Cut back to: Coach Morse talking to the team.) MORSE: Colby Page is not shedding tears because we lost a power forward, is he? COLBY: No, sir! MORSE: How do I know that? Cause Colby Page is going to step right up and take R.J.'s position. This is his opportunity and it's good that he sees it as such. Colby. COLBY: (Bows his head along with the rest of the team, to pray. His voice is choked with emotion.) Father God, accept our brother, R.J. Manning, into your loving arms. Give us the faith and the strength to carry on. Amen. TEAM: Amen. (Booth crosses himself.) MORSE: Now you boys go be together, talk about R.J. Come right back here and be ready to carry on and do what needs doing. TEAM: Yes, Coach. Yes, sir. Alright, let's go. Alright, Colby. Let's do this. Let's go, move it, Dekker. Yes, sir. (The team runs out of the gymnasium.) (Coach Morse approaches Brennan and Booth who are waiting on the sidelines.) BOOTH: Very impressive, Coach. MORSE: You the FBI? BOOTH: Yes, sir. MORSE: Listen, if you're going to talk at the boys, I prefer you do it soon. Let us move on from the tragedy, okay? (Booth nods, the coach walks away and Brennan watches him go before turning back to Booth.) BRENNAN: What now? BOOTH: Well, we find out which one of these pretty girls over here is R.J.'s girlfriend. (Cut to: Cheerleaders filing off the bleachers.) (Cut to: Interrogation Room. Booth, Brennan and Dallas Verona sit around a table.) DALLAS VERONA: I went home for the long weekend. R.J. stayed on campus. BRENNAN: Why? DALLAS: Whatever. Team stuff? BOOTH: Did you call R.J.? Talk to him? DALLAS: Yeah, and texted him. But he didn't answer. That's not weird or anything. R.J.'s the face-to-face kind, right? BOOTH: Everything okay between you? (Dallas nods, choking up.) BRENNAN: Were you sexually active? DALLAS: He was my boyfriend. He was in great shape, so pretty active, yeah. BRENNAN: Were there any noticeable changes in your s*x life? Frequency? Duration? DALLAS: (Shakes her head.) Every day but game day. (Rolls her eyes.) That was R.J.'s motto. BOOTH: No jealous boyfriend from the past, angry dad, nothing? DALLAS: Oh my God. Mr. Francis is right. You people think R.J. was murdered. BRENNAN: Was he under any kind of stress? DALLAS: Of course. BRENNAN: Mid-term exams. (Booth scoffs.) DALLAS: R.J. was a star. They made sure he could pass his mid-terms. R.J. was stressed because he always wanted to win. BOOTH: Stressed enough to hit Mr. Francis. DALLAS: R.J. never told me why he did that. But he felt bad about it. (Booth looks at Brennan) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. A glass container of writhing maggots is picked up by a smiling Hodgins who looks to Cam.) HODGINS: We couldn't find enough tissue for a tox screen because these little scamps ate what was left. (Dumps the jar into a blender.) CAM: Yeah, uh. (Points to the blender as Hodgins turns it on and raises her voice over the noise.) Hodgins, is that my own personal blender? From the kitchen? HODGINS: We'll toss these babies into the gas chromatograph. (Turns off the blender and takes off the lid.) CAM: Did you get it from the kitchen? HODGINS: Yes. Any foreign substances in R.J.'s body should show up in the maggot juice. CAM: Is it labeled "Personal Property of C.S." on the bottom? (Hodgins lifts the blender from the base and they both look at the bottom. He looks at Cam and nods.) HODGINS: Yes. (Cam nods.) Don't worry, I'll rinse it out. (Flips the switch and turns the blender back on. Cam looks sick.) (Cut to: ASU gymnasium, Booth and Brennan playing basketball.) BOOTH: I can give you a few pointers, Bones. Colby doesn't get out of class for a few minutes. You've gotta sort of flip your wrist you see, like this? (Demonstrates the proper way to shoot a basketball. He makes it and goes after it.) BRENNAN: Sports should not have such a priority in the University. BOOTH: Alright, you know what? That's crazy. BRENNAN: No, anthropologically speaking, sports are a way for boys to practice their battle skills. BOOTH: Yeah, okay, so you want to just focus straight up, get up on your toes and just sluff... (Shoots and makes the basket.) BRENNAN: The truth is athletes are basically emotionally arrested in boyhood, acting out childish games as if they have adult importance. The only thing more juvenile are grown adults who watch sports. BOOTH: Why do you gotta say stuff like that? BRENNAN: What? You mean the truth? BOOTH: (He rounds on Brennan.) Alright. You know what? I'm a jock. So when you say those, you know, things that you say, what are you saying about me? BRENNAN: Nothing. You grew out of it. BOOTH: No, I didn't, alright? My shoulder crapped out on me. Otherwise, I would have gone all the way with it. (Sets the basketball down at Brennan's feet and feigns shooting a basket before walking away.) BRENNAN: What?! BOOTH: You know what, and another thing, alright? I, uh, I fought in a war! So, sports is a, uh, childish substitute? I can live with that. (Walks out the doors of the gymnasium, clearly bothered.) (Brennan turns toward the basket, sighs and then picks up the ball. She looks at it and then shoots, making it. She grins, looks back at the doors and then back at the basket.) (Cut to: Booth waiting outside for Brennan who walks through the doors shortly. They go after Colby Page.) BOOTH: Ahhh. Yo! Colby! BRENNAN: Yo? (Catches up to Booth.) BOOTH: Yeah, yo. You know, I'm a little irritated with you. Just leave me alone long enough so I... BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: ...can get over it? BRENNAN: Why are you irritated? BOOTH: Why? Because I love sports. I watch sports. You know, I'm all about sports. You know? (Flashes his badge as he walks up to Colby Page and Celeste Cutler.) Agent Seeley Booth, this here's Dr. Brennan. COLBY: Yeah, Mr. Francis said you wanna talk to me? BOOTH: George Francis. Really looks out for you guys, huh? BRENNAN: You must be happy to be a stringer again? BOOTH: Starter, Bones. BRENNAN: Starter. COLBY: Like Coach said, I'm happy to be starting, but not happy about how it happened. CELESTE: Colby didn't ask for this. COLBY: It's okay, Celeste. CELESTE: Colby's a team player, he's stepping up. COLBY: This is my fiancé, Celeste Cutler. BRENNAN: They're engaged? They're awfully young. BOOTH: Cutler. As in "Cutter" Cutler? CELESTE: Yeah, he's my father. BOOTH: Look, your... your father's in law enforcement, you understand I have to ask these questions. BRENNAN: Plus, your boyfriend is one of the few people who benefitted directly from R.J. Manning's death. CELESTE: (To Brennan.) I don't like you. (To Colby.) I hate her. COLBY: I can handle this. Just go on, Celeste, okay? (Celeste exits.) COLBY: I'm sorry about Celeste, she's just really, really loyal. (Sits down.) BOOTH: Listen, I have to ask you, um, where were you over the long weekend? COLBY: I was home. Look, I had to disagree with Coach, but I didn't really benefit from R.J.'s death. BRENNAN: It sure seems like you did. BOOTH: Starting power forward. That's pretty big around here. COLBY: I'm not gonna replace R.J. just because I take over his position. A'ight, every game, people are gonna say, "Good game, Son." But in their head, they're thinkin' He's no R.J. Manning. Now does that sound to you like something that I would kill to achieve? Look, I was happy where I was. I'm a team player. Not a star. BOOTH: Now look, you said you were at home. Can, uh, anyone verify that? Your parents? COLBY: I'm not gonna answer anymore questions until I talk to Mr. Francis. (Stands.) I'm sorry. (Colby exits.) BOOTH: Mm. Francis again. (Sighs.) ACT TWO (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab- Angela's Office. Cam walks in to find Angela at her computer.) CAM: Hodgins here? ANGELA: Nope. CAM: Do you know where he is? ANGELA: Nope. (Cam exits, then returns shortly.) CAM: Can I leave a message for him with you? ANGELA: (Sighs.) Why me? CAM: Are you serious? ANGELA: Fine. (Hits a button on the computer and turns toward her desk.) CAM: I mean, you live together, right? ANGELA: No. I mean, not officially. We have our own places. CAM: But you spend all your time together. ANGELA: What's the message? CAM: Tox results for R.J. Manning. Negative for alcohol and sedatives. ANGELA: He reeked of bourbon. CAM: Somebody emptied a bottle on him. More interestingly, he was on steroids. (Angela sits at her desk.) I still haven't found an explanation for the extra synovial fluid in the joints. (Cam turns to go.) ANGELA: I'm not sure I can remember all this. CAM: (Ticks off a list on her fingers.) Steroids, bourbon, synovial fluid. What's the problem? ANGELA: I draw stuff, okay? Fluids are not my actual area of expertise. CAM: It's Hodgins actual area of expertise and Hodgins is your area of expertise. So by my calculations, all the areas of expertise are overlapping perfectly. ANGELA: It's not a problem. I'll give it to him. CAM: Thank you. (Cam exits and Angela looks disturbed.) (Cut to: Coach Morse's office. Booth and Morse are talking at the window while they watch a practice going on below.) BOOTH: You know, I read your contract, Coach. You get a million dollar conduct bonus for keeping the kids here in line. MORSE: I oversee thirty healthy, rambunctious, Type-A boys. I earn every penny of it. BOOTH: Guess you'd kiss that, uh, million dollars goodbye if R.J. Manning tested positive for steroids. MORSE: R.J.? (Booth nods.) No way. BOOTH: Tox screen came back positive. MORSE: No, doesn't make sense. BOOTH: The better he plays, he's worth more to the pros. Better chance you have to, uh, move up to the NBA. MORSE: (Sighs and pulls his ear forward to show Booth a scar behind it.) Do you see this? See this scar? Brain cancer from steroids. When it comes to my team, I have zero tolerance and they know it. BOOTH: What do you do if you catch them? MORSE: I sure as hell don't kill 'em. BOOTH: Million dollar bonus, free ride to the NBA. MORSE: Listen, I'll tell you what, you call my doctor. I'm terminal. I got two years tops. The money, the career, not big incentives. (Booth nods.) I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my condition. I don't want sympathy. I just want my boys to win this season. BOOTH: You understand I gotta pursue this steroid thing. MORSE: You don't even need a warrant. Any boy that does not submit a urine sample is off this team. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab- platform. Image of urine samples, the sound of a keycard swiping at the platform. Cam and Brennan enter.) BRENNAN: Not one sample shows steroid use? CAM: Not one. Coach's confidence in his boys was justified. At least as far as steroids. BRENNAN: Something else showed up? CAM: Two of the samples came back positive for Cephixime. BRENNAN: The antibiotic? CAM: Most commonly used to treat gonorrhea. BRENNAN: Gonorrhea would explain the extra synovial fluid in R.J.'s joints. So, R.J. plus two members of the team had gonorrhea. CAM: Nope, two of the urine samples came back with not only identical levels of antibiotic, but the exact same specific gravity. BRENNAN: Two samples from the same player. CAM: Yes. My guess is that someone with gonorrhea is trying to protect someone using steroids. (Brennan shakes her head with a smirk.) Nice bunch of boys. (Cut to: Interrogation Room. Booth is interrogating two players, Ed Dekker and Jimmy Fields.) BOOTH: One of you is taking steroids and the other one is being treated for the clap. JIMMY: Somebody tested positive for steroids? BOOTH: Ah. Thank you for your candor, Jimmy, thank you. JIMMY: I didn't admit anything, I asked a question. BOOTH: That's great. The guy on steroids would be worried about steroids, the guy with the clap, that would be you Eddie, I wouldn't worry. ED: Well, why worry? It's just a shot in the ass. JIMMY: He was guessing until you admitted that, douche bag. BOOTH: Thank you, Ed, I appreciate it. You can leave now. JIMMY: Why can he leave? BOOTH: I really don't care about where he's been dipping his, you know, wick. Alright? I care about illegal steroids. Get lost, Ed. Leave. (A confused Ed exits.) JIMMY: What's steroids go to do with what happened to R.J.? BOOTH: Oh, I don't know. Maybe R.J. is just worried about the, uh, the side effects. You know, all the, uh, the yelling and screaming. You know, the zits on his pretty face, his...manhood shrinking. So maybe he just gets nervous and he wants to confess to Coach Morse. JIMMY: What, so I kill him? (Booth shrugs.) That's crazy! R.J. made me look good enough to go to Europe leagues. Maybe even the NBA. You can't even prove I'm on steroids. BOOTH: Nah, nah, see. I execute this warrant to check you for steroids, uh, it's a paper trail and it becomes public knowledge my friend. (Pushes a paper across the table toward Jimmy.) JIMMY: I'll lose my eligibility. BOOTH: Bingo. So you tell me who provided you with the steroids and this stays between you and me. Or, uh... (Takes a sample cup from his pocket and sets it on the table, tapping it.) ... you gotta pee in a cup. JIMMY: C'mon, man. BOOTH: Oh, and this time I'm going to have to watch you pee in a cup. I hope you don't have a bashful bladder. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab- Cam's office. Cam is sitting at her computer when Angela walks in.) ANGELA: Dr. Saroyan? CAM: Yes, Angela? ANGELA: I've been thinking about it. And I don't think it was professional of you to leave this file with me. CAM: Really? Why is that? ANGELA: I'm not Hodgins' assistant. CAM: But you are his girlfriend. ANGELA: The problem is that being his girlfriend is a personal, private thing. And this is work. CAM: Ah. ANGELA: And I don't think it's good to mix the personal and work. Hodgins and I are completely separate human beings with completely separate careers. CAM: (Puts a disc in her computer.) In your opinion, I crossed a line. ANGELA: Yeah, it's my opinion. CAM: I apologize, Angela. ANGELA: Thank you. (Turns to leave.) CAM: (Hits a key on her keyboard.) But you might be able to understand why I was a little confused, because apparently you're not always against bringing your personal life to work. (Sounds of love making fill the room.) ANGELA: (With a shocked expression, approaches the desk and stares at the computer screen, slack jawed.) Oh my God. CAM: Cause what you're doing there is extremely personal. ANGELA: Yeah...extremely...personal. CAM: I'm seeing parts of you and Hodgins I'd rather leave to the imagination. ANGELA: When did they put security cameras in the storage area? (Cam shrugs.) Who else has seen this? CAM: So far, just me and a very appreciative security guard. ANGELA: Oh my God. Well, you've made your point. CAM: (Takes the disc from the computer and hands it to Angela.) Good. That's the only copy. ANGELA: Do we get any points for this occurring during lunch hour? Which is, as you know, personal time. CAM: Mm, no. ANGELA: Fair enough. I had to ask. (Both smile and Angela exits.) (Cut to: ASU- School hallway. Booth and Brennan walk down a hall and run into George Francis and Colby Page.) FRANCIS: Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. No, I know what I'm talking about. You gotta know, you gotta... BOOTH: Yeah, George Francis, you're under arrest. (Booth grabs him and slams him against the wall.) FRANCIS: Ow! BRENNAN: Whoa! BOOTH: For providing restricted substances. BRENNAN: Y-you said you were just going to talk. BOOTH: Yeah, and then I saw his face and I got mad, okay? You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. (Handcuffs Francis.) So this is a pretty good time to probably tell us that you killed R.J. Manning, save us all a whole hell of a lot of time. FRANCIS: Why would I kill R.J.? Why would I kill the golden goose? BRENNAN: He wasn't a goose. He was a man. BOOTH: He give you steroids too, Colby? COLBY: No, he was just trying to get me into free student housing. FRANCIS: Colby, tell Cutler okay? Just tell him what's going on. (Booth, Brennan and Francis exit, leaving Colby standing in the hall.) ACT THREE (Cut to: Interrogation Room. Booth and Francis are inside the room, Brennan and Cutler are standing on the other side of the two-way mirror in the observation room.) CUTLER: He was with Colby? BRENNAN: Uh-huh. CUTLER: Colby's like a son to me. Well, he's about to become my son-in-law. BRENNAN: You don't care that Colby's not a star like R.J.? CUTLER: As a man, sure, I'd rather be R.J. Manning. But as a father, Colby will make a much better husband to my daughter. BRENNAN: Was it worth it? You walk like a man decades older than you are, you never got to play in the pros. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Booth standing in the doorway of the room where Brennan and Cutler are talking.) BOOTH: Wife left you because you didn't turn out to be the star she married? CUTLER: Hey, it's not like I was a lot of fun to be around when the cheering stopped. You two don't pull any punches, do you? BOOTH: Mmuh. I'll tell you what else I know, you'd do it all over again, Bud. BRENNAN: That doesn't make any sense. (Booth scoffs and looks at Cutler.) Jocks. You understand each other, but your priorities are completely skewed. BOOTH: Ignore Dr. Brennan, okay? She's unreasonable on the subject. (Points through the glass at Francis.) He wouldn't admit to the steroid thing. CUTLER: Plan B? BOOTH: Plan B. BRENNAN: What's plan B? BOOTH: Convince him that if he doesn't admit the steroid thing, then he's confessing to murder. (Booth and Cutler exit the room.) We, uh jocks, we'll take care of this one. (Brennan is left standing in the room alone, confused.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab- platform. Cam is looking into a microscope, Hodgins is standing behind her.) CAM: I'm looking at a cockroach's leg? HODGINS: Technical term is tarsus. CAM: (Looks at a magnification on a computer screen.) Are they usually blue like that? HODGINS: No, he stepped in an amalgam of fats, waxes, oil and calcium dye. (Cam stares at him. He clarifies.) Lipstick. CAM: (Nods.) R.J. Manning wore blue... (Hodgins steps in front of her and crosses his arms.) ...lipstick? HODGINS: The lipstick wasn't found on his...lips. You know what I mean? CAM: Yes, thank you. HODGINS: You sure? CAM: Yes, Dr. Hodgins. (Hodgins nods.) (Cut to: Angela's Office. She is looking around surreptitiously before putting a disc into her computer. Smiling she becomes engrossed with what is on the screen as the sounds of love making fill the air. Cam pokes her head in and then steps into the office.) CAM: Angela? ANGELA: Yeah? (Cam gives her an uncomfortable smile.) You know, this is pretty good. I mean, usually with these things you think, God... more yoga, less carbs, you know, but this ain't bad. CAM: You might wanna...turn the volume down. ANGELA: (Waves distractedly as Cam makes her exit.) Yeah, yeah. Thanks. (Cut to: Interrogation Room. Booth is standing against the wall while Cutler talks to Francis.) FRANCIS: You're going to believe some kid taking steroids over the best friend this college ever had? CUTLER: Of course. FRANCIS: Why? CUTLER: Because, George, if you and R.J. argued about steroids, say he wanted more and you were saying no. That would explain why he hit you. (Cut to: Brennan standing in the observation room, watching the interrogation.) BOOTH: Yeah, you know... 'roid rage? FRANCIS: (Scoffs.) I never provided steroids to anybody. BOOTH: Uh-huh, okay. (To Cutler.) You know what I gotta do here, right? CUTLER: Let me reason with him one more time. Here's what's gonna happen, George. If you don't admit to providing the steroids, Agent Booth is going to arrest you. For murder. FRANCIS: (Looks up at Booth.) That's ridiculous. BOOTH: Really? Cause you've got a great motive. FRANCIS: What motive? CUTLER: R.J. Manning admitted to you that he was going to fess up to Coach Morse that he was on 'roids. You panicked and killed him. FRANCIS: Now who's going to fall for this? BOOTH: Oh. The grand jury? FRANCIS: R.J. hitting me had nothing to do with steroids. CUTLER: Agent Booth needs more than your assurance on that, George. (Francis looks up to Booth who nods.) Alright, R.J. and I had a deal. (Cut to: Brennan watching from the other side of the glass.) FRANCIS: And he wanted to break that deal. (Cut back to: Interrogation room.) CUTLER: You signed him up, didn't you? Illegal as hell. (Looks up at Booth.) But George had R.J. sign with him for representation into the NBA. Huh? NBA salary, merchandising rights, signature shoe. And R.J. wanted out, right? FRANCIS: Cars, apartments, proving for his family. I deserve a little return on my investment. CUTLER: Was R.J. the only one that you had a deal with? BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (Grabs Cutler's arm as he stands up and moves toward Francis.) CUTLER: Huh? Who else? Colby? Huh? FRANCIS: Colby's a nice kid but he's never going pro, Cutter. Now, I didn't kill R.J. Manning. There's no point to it. I had a legally binding contract with him. CUTLER: (Goes for Francis.) You rat b*st*rd! BOOTH: Whoa. CUTLER: If you don't arrest him for that 'roid thing, I will. BOOTH: Okay, okay, I got him, I got him, I will, I will. I got it. (Pushes Cutler out the door, then shuts it and looks at Brennan through the glass. Francis smirks.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab- platform. A petri dish is being squirted with some sort of liquid and swirled around. Cam and Angela are standing around a table.) CAM: This is saliva I found in Manning's shorts. I also found pre-seminal fluid. (Brennan approaches.) BRENNAN: What does that mean? ANGELA: Are you serious? BRENNAN: Well, I know it means he had an erection, but what does the erection mean? CAM: That he was sexually stimulated. BRENNAN: Well, I know that. Healthy post-adolescent males experience eleven to twenty erections every day. Any number of which produce pre-seminal fluid. CAM: Yes, but do those erections produce saliva? BRENNAN: No. ANGELA: Cam's a doctor, honey. That was an amusing rhetorical question. CAM: (Shows them another petri dish with a loogie in it.) Zack also found this in the victim's hair. BRENNAN: What, semen? CAM: No, esophageal mucus. Commonly known as a loogie. BRENNAN: Someone spat at the victim? ANGELA: Should I paint you a picture? BRENNAN: (Smiling.) Nooo. Traces of pre-seminal fluid and saliva inside the basketball shorts suggest oral s*x during which the victim did not ejaculate. CAM: Well, perhaps he was killed before ejaculation. ANGELA: I don't want to get graphic or anything, but wouldn't it be difficult to simultaneously bash someone's head in while servicing them? CAM: Talk about multi-tasking. BRENNAN: Which means there might have been a witness to this murder. CAM: According to a cockroach I know, she might have been wearing blue lipstick. ANGELA: Hm. (Cut to: Zack's office. Zack is sitting and Angela stands to one side of him while Cam stands to the other.) ANGELA: We have been assuming that the victim was conked on the head and then dragged under the bleachers and compressed. ZACK: I see. CAM: Two people involved. Victim and murderer. ZACK: I see. ANGELA: But now, we could have a three person situation. ZACK: I see. CAM: Victim, murderer and victim's special friend. ZACK: And you need what from me? CAM: Any information you might have that could lead us to either the special friend or the murderer. ZACK: You might be interested in these crystalline deposits. ANGELA: (Looking at a magnified picture of the victim's dismembered wrist.) Ew, what is that? ZACK: Bacteria, crystallized post mortem. CAM: Gonorrhea bacteria? (Zack nods.) And we're back to R.J.'s special friend. If only we could figure out who she is. ZACK: Mm, you may want to ask Edward Dekker. (Points to a magnified picture of cells on a computer screen.) This is from R.J. Manning. (Hits some keys on the keyboard and another image is shown side by side with the original picture, it looks exactly the same.) And this is from Edward Dekker. Same strain. CAM: The members of this team are very close. (Zack looks pleased, and then very confused.) (Cut to: ASU Men's Locker Room. Brennan and Booth walk quickly down an aisle looking for Edward Dekker ) BOOTH: Wait outside, Bones, c'mon. BRENNAN: Are you still angry at me for saying that athletes are emotionally stunted? STUDENT: Hey baby, I know you want some... BOOTH: Of course not. (They find Eddie in the shower.) Hey. Hey, hey Ed. Can I talk to you, Ed, for a second? DEKKER: (Turns off the shower.) All I did was pee in a cup for Jimmy Fields. All of a sudden this is a federal case? BOOTH: Turns out he has the clap. BRENNAN: The exact same strain as you. DEKKER: Wait, you think I had s*x with R.J.? BOOTH: (He and Brennan look at each other.) I dunno, did you? DEKKER: No! BRENNAN: Then why'd you bring it up? DEKKER: You brought it up. All I did was pee in a cup. BRENNAN: Why? DEKKER: Because, Jimmy's a teammate and he asked me to. I would have done it for any of my bros. BRENNAN: (Speaking to Booth.) How'd this boy get into college? BOOTH: Basketball. DEKKER: Hey look, you know, I don't think I can be discussing sexually topics with her looking at me. BRENNAN: Why? DEKKER: Cause, you're hot. And I'm naked. BOOTH: (Laughs.) Look, maybe you should just go stand over there. BRENNAN: What, because he's...shy? DEKKER: Look, maybe you didn't notice, but, uh, I got no reason to be shy. BOOTH: Obviously he can't concentrate, so either cover your eyes or stand over there. (Brennan covers her eyes reluctantly. Booth points to her.) BRENNAN: (She gives up and walks to where Dekker can't see her.) I'll just, uh, I'll be...right here. DEKKER: Man, she's smokin'. (Grabs a towel and turns to walk away.) (Cut to: Row of lockers.) BOOTH: (Follows Dekker to his locker.) Alright, now listen, Ed, I need to know if you and R.J. had s*x with the same girl. DEKKER: Definitely. BOOTH: Okay, who? DEKKER: (Shrugs.) I dunno. BOOTH: You don't know? DEKKER: Well, look there are girls who like to have s*x with basketball players. B-Bunnies. BOOTH: B-Bunnies. Right, yeah. DEKKER: Yeah, look I'm not saying me and R.J. ever crossed swords or anything, but um, we were definitely taking shots at the same hoops. BOOTH: Right, um. You wear condoms. DEKKER: Always, yeah. BOOTH: You got the clap. DEKKER: (Looks dejected.) Right. BOOTH: So, who didn't you wear a condom with? (Dekker sighs.) Right, boy, now you're using your whole brain. Come on. DEKKER: Alright, look I got a name in my head, okay, but there's no way R.J. Manning ever tapped that. BOOTH: The name, Ed, I need the name. DEKKER: (Leans in and whispers.) My Poli-Sci tutor, Justine. Hot not. (Booth writes the name down.) BRENNAN: (Peeks over the lockers.) All the bad decisions you made and the one thing you're ashamed of is having s*x with a not hot girl? BOOTH: (Looking bewildered.) What are you doing? BRENNAN: What? (Cut to: ASU- patio with covered tables and chairs. Brennan and Booth are sitting at a table with Justine Berry.) JUSTINE: I know I have gonorrhea. I'm being treated for it. BOOTH: Yeah, well, where'd you get it? JUSTINE: They asked me the same thing in Health Services. Could have been a couple places. BRENNAN: Well, you're a smart girl, why didn't you wear a condom? JUSTINE: I do. Most of the time. BRENNAN: (Looking to Booth.) You know what? I made a mistake. She is not a smart girl. This is a terrible University. BOOTH: (To Justine.) Do you ever wear bright blue lipstick? JUSTINE: Why is there some kind of link between the clap and blue lipstick? BOOTH: Let's discuss Ed Dekker. JUSTINE: Okay, yes, I gave gonorrhea to Dekker. Are you going to arrest me? BRENNAN: We know that R.J. Manning had the exact same strain. BOOTH: Did you give it to him, too, or... I mean, do you have some sort of hate on for the entire basketball team? JUSTINE: (Beginning to cry.) R.J. gave it to me. And then he wouldn't even talk to me. So I gave it to Ed Dekker for revenge. Poetic you know? Let R.J. know I was still alive. (Sniffs.) Those guys all talk, compare their conquests. BOOTH: You have a key to the bleachers. JUSTINE: (Looking shocked and angry.) I didn't kill R.J.! I'm not that nuts! BRENNAN: We need a sample of your DNA. JUSTINE: Why? BOOTH: Because just before he was killed, R.J. was having s*x with someone who may have seen his murderer. JUSTINE: (Nods, wipes her face with a napkin and rips out some of her hair, throwing them at Brennan and Booth.) You've got my snot, my tears, and my hair. Knock yourself out. (Gets up and stalks away.) BRENNAN: I don't understand. BOOTH: R.J. Manning broke her heart and a bit of her brain in the process. ACT FOUR (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Cam walks out of an office talking to Angela, they proceed to walk down a hall.) CAM: Justine Berry's not the one who left her saliva or her lipstick on the victim's privates. ANGELA: (Handing over a tube of lipstick.) Okay, I'll help. But I do not want to be known as the make-up expert around here. CAM: You found blue lipstick. ANGELA: Mmhmm. CAM: Shock Rah by Zensual ANGELA: Zen plus sensual. Chakra. Shock Rah. Rah as in Rah-Rah, as in Rah-Rah-Sis-Boom-Bah. CAM: Okay, you started off in English, but I have no idea where you ended up. ANGELA: This is a promotional line, marketed specifically to high school and college cheering squads. Tailored to their team colors. CAM: Ah, Atlantic State Jaguars. ANGELA: R.J. Manning was under those bleachers getting' lipsticked by a cheerleader. (Cut to: ASU gymnasium. Cheerleaders practicing a routine. All of them wearing blue lipstick. Cutler walks in with a warrant and they all look nervous.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Cheerleaders' mouths being swabbed for DNA. Booth taps the last girl in line, Dallas Verona, on the shoulder. She turns around.) BOOTH: Do you know why we're doing this? DALLAS: I can guess. BRENNAN: We found evidence that one of the cheerleaders might have been with R.J. before he died. Sexually. DALLAS: I know what "been with" means. BOOTH: You know the DNA will, uh, tell us if it was you. DALLAS: It wasn't. BRENNAN: (To Booth.) Why isn't she upset? DALLAS: Oh, please. Oh, I get it. You think because R.J. compulsively played around, I might have lured him to his death or something? BRENNAN: Wow, she's smart. BOOTH: Mmm. Well, do you want to pick out anyone in particular here? DALLAS: (Scoffs.) Did you see, R.J.? Before he was dead, I mean? He was a very good looking guy. You factor in his s*x drive and how he played...half these girls have done him. Hell, he even did the towel girl. BOOTH: Great, do you know about Justine Berry? DALLAS: R.J. liked girls. All kinds of girls. I'm just one kind. BRENNAN: Hm, which kind is that? DALLAS: The permanent kind. BRENNAN: You planned to live like that? DALLAS: R.J. came home to me. That's the way it would have stayed. From his crappy student apartment to the giant mansion he would have gotten. (Begins to tear up and turns away.) BRENNAN: Is she crying because she loved him or because she lost a mansion? BOOTH: (Mouths.) The mansion. (Cut to: Exam room. Zack is reconstructing the skull while Brennan watches and speaks to him.) BRENNAN: She made the decision to hang onto him by letting him have s*x with any other woman he wanted. ZACK: That sounds extremely rational. BRENNAN: That's what's confusing. (Zack finishes the skull and holds it up.) Well done. (She takes the skull from him.) ZACK: The idea that one person can be all things to another person, satisfy every need, or even more than one is sentimental and mockish. BRENNAN: (Examining the skull with an ultraviolet light.) There are indentations here. ZACK: (Moves a magnifying lens over the skull, it appears magnified on a computer screen.) Alpha-numeric. Z and S? BRENNAN: It's an imprint. It's backwards. ZACK: (Zack types some strokes and the image reverses.) The numerals 2 and 5? BRENNAN: Twenty-five. Twenty-five pounds. An imprint from free weights. (Cut to: ASU Fitness Room- An FBI forensic tech is inspecting the free weights with an ALS light, while Brennan looks on. Booth is talking to Cutler.) BOOTH: Our unknown female either meets or lures R.J. under the bleachers. CULTER: Lures? BRENNAN: We're pretty sure the girl didn't actually kill R.J. but that doesn't mean that she wasn't bait. FORENSIC TECH: I got somethin'. Blood spatter. It was wiped, but it's definite. BRENNAN: Looks like we have our murder weapon. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Cam exiting the platform, walking toward Booth and Brennan.) CAM: DNA evidence is in. The blood on the weight, is definitely R.J.'s. (All three begin walking down the hall toward Cam's office.) BRENNAN: What about the saliva and the sputum? CAM: (To Booth.) The loogie. BOOTH: I know about loogies. CAM: Two things about the saliva. One, is that it did not come from the same person who provided the loogie. BOOTH: Oh, wait. So the person who serviced R.J. is not the same person who spat on him. CAM: (They enter Cam's office and she begins to bring something up on her computer.) Two, we got a partial match on the saliva from one of the cheerleaders. (Cut to: Cam's computer screen and a picture of Celeste Cutler.) BOOTH: Celeste Cutler. (Cut to: Interrogation Room. Celeste Cutler and Colby Page, who are holding hands, sit across from Brennan and Booth.) CELESTE: You think Colby and I plotted to kill R.J. Manning? BOOTH: Celeste, you lured R.J. Manning under the bleachers and kept him busy. (Brennan is taking a DNA sample from Colby Page.) COLBY: Kept him busy how? BRENNAN: Well, evidence shows she was performing oral s*x on him. BOOTH: Which gave you time to bash his head in. (Colby looks at Celeste, hurt, and lets go of her hand.) BRENNAN: But you made one mistake. BOOTH: One. COLBY: Look, I haven't done anything. BRENNAN: We will match this DNA to the sputum found at the scene. COLBY: What? BOOTH: You hocked a loogie on him, kid. You killed him, and you spat on his face. COLBY: Look, God as my witness, that never happened. (There's a knock on the door and Cam enters.) CAM: Sorry to interrupt, but you really need to see this. BRENNAN: (Stands and goes to the doorway where Cam hands her a file.) Complete profile? CAM: All thirteen STRs. BRENNAN: Thanks. (Cam exits.) BRENNAN: (To Booth.) We got a hit on CODIS from the DNA on the um, hocked loogie. (Booth takes the file and looks at it while Celeste and Colby look at each other.) (Cut to: ASU gymnasium. Cutler is sitting on the bleachers when Booth and Brennan enter.) BOOTH: (To Brennan.) Just a moment. (To Cutler, from across the floor.) Hey, Chief. CUTLER: If I hadn't of spat on that son of a bitch, you never would have caught me, right? BRENNAN: Well, Celeste might have told us. CUTLER: She doesn't know. I came in and saw my little girl, saw her with R.J. ... (crying) ...doing what she was doing. She heard me and took off. None of the girls could resist R.J. Kid had it all. Magic boy. You know what else he had? The clap. And he knew that when he took my daughter underneath the blea- (breaks down crying and pulls a gun from a gym bag in front of him.) BOOTH: No. (Pulls his own gun.) He's got a gun, Bones. I need you to leave now. CUTLER: Don't worry, it's not you I intend to shoot. (Sighs and puts the gun to his head.) BOOTH: There's no way Cutter Cutler kills himself. No way Cutter Cutler goes down without a fight. BRENNAN: (In a quiet tone.) What are you doing? Do you want him to shoot at you? BOOTH: Go. (Brennan exits.) CUTLER: I was just like him, you know? Under these same bleachers, in fact. I was as bad as him. You wouldn't understand. (Lowers the gun, holding it against his chest.) BOOTH: We were all like that. CUTLER: It changes your life view, you see your little girl. It's a different perspective. BOOTH: People are gonna understand the action that you took, okay? I do. Man, you're Cutter Cutler. Lowest assist and turnover ratios. Twelve triple doubles in your last season. Nobody could change direction in the open court like you, man, nobody. (Cutler puts the gun to his head.) BOOTH: No, do it now. Change direction again. CUTLER: (Holds the gun to his chest again.) Cutter Cutler died a long time ago. I'm just putting him away. (Booth raises his gun at the same time Cutler puts it to his head again. Brennan is seen at the side of the bleachers reaching her hand up to stop him. He cocks the hammer back and goes to pull the trigger, but the web of Brennan's hand slips between the hammer and the firing pin, pinching the skin.) BRENNAN: (In pain.) Ahhh. (Takes the gun from Cutler, still painfully pinched on her hand. She removes it, revealing a bleeding wound.) Ow! BOOTH: Alright. (Booth stares, Cutler breaks down and cries and Brennan sucks on her bleeding hand.) (Cut to: Royal Diner. Brennan and Booth sitting at a table by the window.) BOOTH: Your hand hurt? BRENNAN: A little. BOOTH: So, jock mentality...teams...not all bad, huh? BRENNAN: Why are you telling me this? BOOTH: You just said we're all stunted adolescents who take children's games too seriously. BRENNAN: I never meant you. BOOTH: Bones.... BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: Bones, I'm one of those guys. BRENNAN: No, you aren't. You don't play at being a warrior. You are a warrior. Every day. You're definitely... a fully developed man. (Smiling.) BOOTH: (Smiling.) Okay, okay. You leave the tip. BRENNAN: Even Cutler knew you were lying when you said you treated women like that beneath the bleachers. BOOTH: Oh, and you believe him? BRENNAN: Yes, because you still remember that first girl's name. (She sucks down the last of her milkshake and Booth takes another drink of his, leaving a milkshake moustache.) Let's go. (She motions to his lip a few times before he wipes it off.) END.
Plan: A: the college-basketball world; Q: Where do Brennan and Booth investigate to determine who is responsible for the murder of a player on a nationally ranked team? A: 2 different versions; Q: How many versions of this episode are included in the season 3 DVD? A: Cam; Q: Who finds a security tape of Hodgins and Angela having sex? A: Hodgins; Q: Who asks Cam how to propose to Angela? A: the storage area; Q: Where did Cam find the security tape of Hodgins and Angela having sex? Summary: Brennan and Booth investigate the college-basketball world to determine who is responsible for the murder of a player on a nationally ranked team. This episode has 2 different versions included in the season 3 DVD: <br />The Aired Version, which includes an storyline that fits the timeline for season 3, in which Cam finds a security tape of Hodgins and Angela having sex in the storage area, after which she confronts Angela about bringing personal relationships to work. <br />The Original Version, which includes a storyline that fits the timeline for season 2, in which Hodgins asks Cam how to propose to Angela, and later tries to propose, failing.
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT] (A Thunderbird speeds down the highway. The woman driving the car picks up speed. She zooms past a parked police car. The police car pulls out from the side and chases after her.) FLASH TO: [EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT] (The Woman in the car fixes her hair and removes her scarf as she checks herself in the rearview mirror. The lights from the police car parked behind her flash.) (Officer Mann shuts the door. He walks over to check on the driver.) Wendy Garner: Officer ... thank God you're here. Officer Mann: You know why I stopped you? Wendy Garner: Yeah, I ... I ... I was speeding, uh ... of course, but you have to understand, you see, someone is chasing me. (He nods.) Wendy Garner: You see, I have videos. Officer Mann: I bet you do. Let's start with license and registration. Wendy Garner: Officer, if I could ... if I could just show you. (He looks at her.) FLASH TO: [EXT. HIGHWAY -- NIGHT] (Wendy Garner is dead, her eyes wide open. Her throat is slashed and gouged as she sits tilted sideways behind the driver's wheel.) (Grissom snaps photos of the body in the car.) (Behind him, Catherine puts down evidence marker #4 next to an open video camera. She snaps photos of it and picks it up.) Catherine: Found a camcorder. No tape inside. (Grissom continues to take pictures of the body. Catherine looks around the area. She sees some tire marks in the dirt.) Catherine: Not much traffic. Makes it a lot easier to run someone off the road ... (quietly) ... and slash their throat. (Catherine walks over to Grissom.) Grissom: She was slashed south of the border, as well. (Top View down of the body in the car shows her blood-soaked lap.) Catherine: Women in convertibles are low-hanging fruit. Grissom: -- And it was a top-down night. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (David Phillips is washing the body as he prepares the body for autopsy. He turns the water off. Catherine stands next to the table.) (David Phillips notices the large engagement ring on her finger.) David Phillips: That's a nice ring. It's at least four carats. (Off Catherine's look, he explains.) David Phillips: We've been shopping. (Catherine smiles.) Lots of surgical procedures here: Artificial breasts, cheek implants ... collagen lips ... you'd be surprised how many women I get on this table with fake parts. Catherine: Plastic lasts longer. (David Phillips manages to remove the ring. He looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - NIGHT] (Sara and Warrick are examining the car.) (Warrick takes out the center arm rest and finds a woman's cosmetics bag in it. He opens it and is impressed by the quantity of its contents.) Warrick: Wow. Mascara, tweezers ... under-eye cream ... ... neck-firming lotion. (He shakes his head and mutters.) Girls. Pads ... one, two, three, four jars of depilatory cream? Sara: That's a lot of bikini wax. Some girls hate the nether-stubble. Warrick: Nether-stubble? (Under the floor carpet, Sara finds a Tangiers Employee ID badge.) Sara: Swipe card. Entertainment Department, Tangiers. (Warrick checks the glove compartment and finds a driver's license.) --733 EXPIRES 04-14-2007 CLANCY, WALTER 1712 MOUNTAIN VISTA LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 Warrick: Well ... Walter Clancy didn't mind stubble. Sara: Who's Walter? (Warrick looks at the registration papers: BODY TYPE MODEL THUNDERBIRD G TYPE VEHICLE USE / DATE AUTOMOBILE / 02/11/-- REGISTERED OWNER CLANCY, WALTER 1712 MOUNTAIN VISTA LAS VEGAS NV 89101 Warrick: The registered owner of this vehicle. (Warrick holds up the Driver's License.) Sara: So she either borrowed this car ... or she stole it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Robbins goes over his report with Grissom and Catherine.) Robbins: Genital wounds were more profound than I expected. Grissom: Profound how? Robbins: Well, I was looking for ovaries and I found a prostate. (Grissom looks surprised.) Catherine: "She" was a "He"? Robbins: "She" had genital reassignment surgery. Catherine: And what does that mean exactly? Robbins: Exactly? Her testicles were removed and her pen1s was inverted, creating a v*g1n*. Grissom: And, evidently, the killer kept subtracting. Catherine: Subtracting what? Grissom: Well, they don't call it an Adam's apple for nothing. A man with issues might become upset if he found one on his woman. Cause? Robbins: Severed carotid and jugular complex. Uh, incised wounds are almost surgical in nature. Used an extremely sharp weapon. Vicious attack. Probably from someone emotionally involved. Grissom: Time? Robbins: Best estimate, between 8:00 and midnight. I collected a standard SAE kit. Catherine: Good. Because top or bottom, this looks like a sexual assault that turned into a hate crime. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - NIGHT] (Brass interviews Officer Mann.) Officer Mann: Clocked the Thunderbird doing ninety. I nail it. The skirt driving tells me she's being chased. And then she asks if she can show me some videos. Brass: How were they? Officer Mann: I didn't bite. She was working it. Brass: Rough duty. Officer Mann: Look, she gave me this lame story about the car being her brother's, and that she had lost her license, but she has his license, and yakety-yak. I just let her off with a warning. Brass: So you had speeding, driving without a license, possible stolen vehicle, and you let her off with a warning. Officer Mann: What are you implying? Brass: She got off pretty easy. How about you? (Brass takes a sip from his cup.) Officer Mann: I resent that. Brass: Well, I'm sure that she resented being sexually harassed and slaughtered two miles from the place you pulled her over! Officer Mann: I didn't know about that until you called me in here. Brass: You know, you have a sexual harassment flag in your file. Officer Mann: Oh, so that makes me a s*x murderer? (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Officer Mann talks with Wendy Garner.) Officer Mann: I know a place about two miles up. It's a little more private. (End of flash. Resume to present.) Brass: I mean, you know, if ... if I found out that the gal who was stripping my gears was a guy, I mean, I'd be mad, too. (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Officer Mann is kissing Wendy Garner. He reaches down her body ... Officer Mann: What are you?! (He pushes her against the car.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Brass: Or maybe you prefer a stick. (Brass takes a sip from his cup. Officer Mann leans forward in his chair.) Officer Mann: I told you, nothing happened. Brass: You're on administrative duty until we confirm that. You mind submitting your DNA? Officer Mann: Just tell me where to spit. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - NIGHT] (Catherine and Warrick work with Archie Johnson on the two photos - one of Wendy Garner and the other of Walter Clancy.) Catherine: Ran her prints through AFIS and I got two hits. A Wendy Garner was a dancer at the Tangiers, and Walter Clancy, a blackjack dealer at the Riviera in the mid-'90s. (Archie has both photos on the monitors.) Archie Johnson: Okay, let's give this a shot. Catherine: The coroner noted that she had collagened lips. (Archie thins out the lips from the Wendy photo.) Catherine: Okay, so 86 those cheek implants. (Archie makes the adjustments.) Catherine: Now, estrogen would've rounded out the face, so square that jaw. Archie Johnson: Got that. I'm gonna give her a haircut. Add some whiskers ... (As soon as the hair is shortened, the resemblance takes shape.) Warrick: Wow. Take away the, uh ... eye makeup ... fix the eyebrows. Catherine: Well, one thing's for certain: Walter didn't kill Wendy. Warrick: No, it's more like Wendy killed Walter. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Mia walks into the lab where Sara is working.) Mia Dickerson: Okay, Wendy's mouth had two foreign DNA donors: One seminal, one saliva. Neither was a match for Officer Mann. Sara: Huh. (Mia sees the ring that Sara's looking at under the scope.) Mia Dickerson: Wow. That is some rock. Platinum setting. Princess cut. Somebody really loved her-- oh-- him. Sara: I think "She's" a "Her". Mia Dickerson: Right. Well ... a diamond that big, you hope she had it lojacked. Sara: That is what I'm counting on. [SCOPE VIEW] (The serial number is NW-583.) Sara: There's a serial number micro-etched into the band around the diamond -- I'm hoping it gets me a groom. (Mia nods. Then a thought occurs to her and she chuckles quietly to herself.) Mia Dickerson: You know, I once heard this story about this man who became a woman because he was obsessed with a lesbian ... who was really a man. (Sara looks at Mia. There's a brief, awkward pause.) Mia Dickerson: Overshare. (Mia turns and leaves the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. LANER RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Brass interviews Wendy Garner's fiancee, Aaron Laner, while Sara and Grissom look around the house.) Aaron Laner: Wendy just bought her wedding gown. She, uh, she would've been a beautiful bride. (Grissom looks at the framed photos on the mantle of the happy couple.) Aaron Laner: We just wrote our wedding vows last week. I just figured that she was at a friend's house -- a girlfriend's house -- for the night. Grissom: Mr. Laner, how long had Wendy been a dancer? (Grissom points to a framed photo on the mantle of Wendy in her Las Vegas Showgirl's costume.) Aaron Laner: About two or three years in the line. I mean, never topless. But, uh, in her costume, she was a vision. Brass: How long had you known each other? Aaron Laner: About a year. We met in a grief support group. I'd lost my wife. Grissom: Sorry for your loss. Aaron Laner: Thank you. Grissom: Who was Wendy grieving for? Aaron Laner: Uh, she'd ... lost her twin brother. (Grissom and Brass share a silent, knowing look.) Brass: Would that be Walter? Aaron Laner: Yeah, Walter. Did you know him? Brass: Sort of. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. LANER RESIDENCE - BEDROOM/BATHROOM - DAY] (Sara walks into the bedroom and notes the two separate, single beds. She looks at the photo of the happy couple on the beach.) (Sara heads into the master bathroom. On Sara's right, there's a bare sink and counter with only a hair dryer. She turns to her left and sees the woman's sink. Sara puts her kit down and looks at the false eyelashes.) (She opens the medicine cabinet and finds over a half-dozen prescription bottles on the shelf. On the inside of the cabinet door are a couple of yellow post-it notes. The upper post-it reads: 4X W/MEALS Yellow - morning on empty stomach Blue - 2 before bed Green - 1 before dinner White - Morning w/food Pink - 1 before bed White (oral) 1 before breakfast Yellow (oral) 2 before bed (Quick flash of: [BATHROOM] Wendy is in front of her sink, the medicine cabinet is open and she grabs and drinks down her pills one by one. She checks her post-it note and takes more pills. End of flash. Resume to present.) (Sara removes the post-it note and puts it in a bag. The second post-it note reads: G-105 SECTION E (Sara removes that note also.) (Sara walks over to the trash bin between the toilet and shower. She peers inside and picks up a blood-stained pad still bent into three.) [INT. LANER RESIDENCE -- LIVING ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Sara joins the group in the living room.) Sara: Mr. Laner, I need to ask you a personal question, if you don't mind -- it may help us. Did you and your fiancée sleep in separate beds? (Aaron Laner stands up.) Aaron Laner: Uh ... we were an old-fashioned couple. Neither of us believed in premarital sexual relations. I mean, that's why I fell in love with her, because of her traditional values. (Grissom looks over at Sara. She glances at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LANER RESIDENCE - FRONT WALK - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Grissom, Sara and Brass and walking back to their car. Grissom is holding the plastic bag with the pad in it.) Grissom: This is confusing. Brass: She had her period? Grissom: Impossible. No uterus, no period. Brass: So a guy desperate to change his s*x hooks up with a guy desperate not to have any. Grissom: A match made in heaven. Sara: I think we need to tell Mr. Laner the truth. Grissom: Are we sure he doesn't know? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TANGIERS - SHOWSTAGE] (The dancers walk out on stage in full costume. They perform their routine and take a bow as the audience applauds.) [INT. TANGIERS - BACKSTAGE -- CONTINUOUS] (The Stage Manager motions for Grissom and Catherine to follow him backstage.) Stage Manager: All right, this way. (He turns and heads backstage as he talks into a walkie-talkie. Grissom follows Catherine.) Grissom: Aborigines say they dance naked to make the gods happy. Catherine: The gods would be happy in Vegas. (They turn and follow the Stage Manager down the stairs to the dressing rooms.) [INT. TANGIERS - STAIRS - CONTINUOUS] Grissom: Did you ever see any transsexuals when you danced? Catherine: Gil, only civilians confuse strippers and showgirls. You can't cheat the full monty. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TANGIERS - BACKSTAGE DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom and Catherine step into the crowded dressing room.) Stage Manager: That's Wendy's station over there. Catherine: Thank you. (The Stage Manager leaves.) Catherine: Hello, ladies. Showgirl: Hi, honey. Catherine: I'm Catherine Willows. This is Gil Grissom. We're with the crime lab. Do any of you know if Wendy Garner worked last night? Pink: No, she had the day off. But she should be working tonight. And she is late. That's not like her. Purple: Why, did something happen to Wendy? Catherine: Unfortunately, she was found dead last night. Pink: It was all those hormones she was taking, wasn't it? Purple: Shut up. What do you know? Grissom: Do you know that Wendy was a, uh ... ? Purple: Trannie? All the best showgirls are. Pink: Yeah, and it don't matter if they're packin' a lop job or a gaff. Grissom: Okay, lop job I get. What's a gaff? Mimosa: It's like a jockstrap, only it hides what it's supposed to strap. Purple: We all get work done. Who cares if it's up north or down south? Pretty's pretty. Catherine: So do you know where she got her work done? Purple: You want the best, you go to Dr. Mercer. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOSPITAL (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. DR. MERCER'S OFFICE - DAY] (Bev is leading a Women's Group.) Bev: Okay, so on tonight's agenda, we're going to be talking about hair removal, gait, and we'll do our pride walk, hormones, and voice pitch ... (Warrick and Catherine walk into the group session, causing a distraction among the women in the group.) Bev: Ladies, come on. Over here. Now, regarding hair removal ... Warrick: (to Dr. Mercer) Are they all women? Dr. Mercer: The ratio of MTFs to FTMs is four to one. Catherine: Males to females rather than females to males? Dr. Mercer: Bev is one of my patients. Bev: Right. Now, who hasn't done their pride walk? Woman In Group: I haven't. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DR. MERCER'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine and Warrick talk with Dr. Mercer in his office.) Dr. Mercer: The law requires re-gender candidates to spend one year on hormones and one living as the s*x of preference. Wendy wanted to fast-track the process and I wouldn't do that. Catherine: I guess she found somebody who would. Dr. Mercer: Every field has its bottom feeders. Surgery is the easy part. Life afterwards is the challenge. Some candidates get depressed. They're unhappy about their lives and they think surgery is going to chase away all their emotional problems. Warrick: Dr. Mercer, Wendy didn't commit suicide. She was killed. Dr. Mercer: (sadly) Oh, God. I am so sorry. As ready as my patients are for the world, I guess the world isn't always ready for them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara catches up with Mia Dickerson in the hallway.) Sara: Hey. Mia Dickerson: Hey. Sara: Anything on those pads I collected? Mia Dickerson: Uh, yeah, traces of EDTA. Sara: Isn't that an anticoagulant? Mia Dickerson: (nods) Yeah. Used in blood-collection vials. Sara: So it wasn't the victim's blood? Mia Dickerson: No, it was hers. His? Sara: Hers. Mia Dickerson: But no epithelials or fibrinogen, so clearly it wasn't menstrual. Sara: So Wendy was having blood drawn and putting it on pads? Mia Dickerson: She ... was faking her period. (Quick flash to: [BATHROOM] Wendy opens a pad and pours some blood in the center of the pad. She throws the pad away. End of flash. Resume to present.) (Mia and Sara walk into the lab.) Mia Dickerson: What I don't get is why she would do that. Sara: Well, she was living as a woman, and that's part of it. I-I don't know. Mia Dickerson: Yeah, but you don't draw your own blood. I mean, she had to have help. Sara: Maybe the same doctor that was keeping her medicine cabinet filled. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Greg gives his report to Grissom. He holds out the file folder.) Greg: Hey, these are the pills Eric collected from Wendy Garner's bathroom. For the record, I really like having a pen1s. (Grissom glances at Greg, then goes back to the report.) Greg: Okay, the reds and blues are bootleg estrogen conjugates out of Mexico. (Grissom looks at a photo of a blue pill with the number 44 on it.) Apparently, HMO's don't consider being differently sexed a life-threatening condition. Grissom: So patients resort to Mexican pharmacies. Greg: Premarin's green, a heavy-duty hormonal supplement. Name's short for "Pregnant Mare Urine." Talk about your PETA nightmare. Grissom: What about these other pills? Greg: Mexican-grade painkillers, tranquilizers, and a broad-spectrum antibiotic. Sounds like a post-surgery cocktail to me. (The phone rings; Grissom answers it.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. Yes. Mimosa? (Grissom glances at Greg.) Yes. Today? The Apple Martini, one o'clock. I'll be there. Greg: Did you just get a lunch date? (Grissom looks at Greg. Greg smiles knowingly at Grissom, he turns and walks out of the office, the smile still on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. THE APPLE MARTINI - DAY - 1 PM] (Grissom walks into the lounge. The place is busy. He walks over to the bar and sits next to Mimosa.) Grissom: Hello. Mimosa: I'm glad you agreed to meet me. Can I buy you a drink? Grissom: Thanks, but I'm still on the clock. Mimosa: But you still let me lure you away from the lab. Is that because I'm a beautiful woman? Well, I'm a beautiful woman now. Grissom: Beauty is a societal construction. Mimosa: So is gender. People find out you're MTF, and they think you're psycho; Michael Caine with a bad wig and a pair of sunglasses stabbing Angie Dickinson in "Dressed to Kill". (She takes a sip of her drink.) Mimosa: De Palma had some issues. You're an outsider. That's why I trusted you. (She reaches out and lightly touches his hand.) You get it. Don't worry, Mr. Grissom. This isn't about s*x. It's about soul. Grissom: What was it you that you wanted to trust me with? Mimosa: I loved Wendy. I was there with her through her whole transition. I was going to be her maid of honor. Do you know how hard it is for people like us to find love? Grissom: Do you know what happened? Mimosa: She called me, hysterical. Uh, I don't know. She kept going on about avideo tape or something. Grissom: What kind of tape, do you know? Blackmail? Pornography? Mimosa: p0rn? (She laughs.) Oh, my God. Wendy was such a prude, she'd cover the mirror when she got out of the shower. Grissom: People confuse your obsession with sexuality as an obsession with s*x. (He shrugs.) Mimosa: Imagine being three years old, tormented by the sensation that you had the wrong parts. Your body's like a foreign country and you're stuck without a passport. All because in your first trimester your "X" and "Y" chromosomes split off and went different directions; girl brain, boy body. Grissom: It's like the Guiterman poem: Amoebas at the start were not complex; But then they tore themselves apart and started s*x. [Note: Arthur Guiterman, (November 20, 1871 to January 11, 1943).] Mimosa: Well, in the beginning, Wendy's chromosomes might have been tearing themselves apart, but in the end, she was tearing herself apart. Grissom: Do you know why? Mimosa: I don't know. Planning a wedding, working a rookie v*g1n*, and about to lose her cherry to a man who doesn't know? Grissom: So she talked to you? Mimosa: She talked about it in group. Grissom: May I ask the name of your therapist? Mimosa: Dr. Lavalle. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Warrick takes photos of the clothes Wendy Garner was wearing when she died. He carefully rolls up the dress when Mia Dickerson walks in.) Mia Dickerson: Hey, I've been looking for you. Warrick: You found me. Mia Dickerson: I analyzed the blood on the shoes you gave me. I expected it to be Wendy's blood. It's not hers and it's not Officer Mann's. Warrick: So it might be the killer's. (She nods.) Warrick: Well, given the nature of this case, it might be misleading, but I'll ask anyway -- male or female? Mia Dickerson: One donor. All male. (Mia turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LEPIDRO CLINIC - FRONT WALK - DAY] (Grissom and Brass head for the clinic.) Brass: Lepidro. What kind of name is that? Grissom: It's from Lepidoptera, meaning "butterfly." Walter Clancy started out a gender-dysmorphic caterpillar and turned into a bloody butterfly. Brass: Love hurts. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LEPIDRO CLINIC - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Amber waves to Tippi.) Amber Hamshaw: Bye-bye, scrumptious pumpkin. Tippi: Bye, Amber. (Amber leaves as Grissom and Brass walk into the clinic.) Brass: Dr. Lavalle? Francis: No, I'm Francis. My wife is the doc. Tippi: Grownups always do that. Francis: It's gender-stereotyping, honey. Brass: Okay, Francis. I'm Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police. This is Gil Grissom from the crime lab. (Francis stands up.) Francis: Well, if I'm being intrusive, please tell me, but, I mean, why are you here? Brass: Wendy Garner. Tippi: I know Wendy. Francis: She's a patient. Brass: She was a patient. Francis: My wife is in group. (He turns and leaves. Brass and Grissom follow.) [EXT. LEPIDRO CLINIC -- BACK YARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Francis leads Brass and Grissom out to the back yard where Mona Lavalle is in the middle of group with other couples.) Ed: This is really frustrating. They don't get it. She is a beautiful woman now and I love her. Dina: Our pastor doesn't know. Mona Lavalle: You need to tell him. The truth goes a long way. Francis: Mona? These folks need to speak to you. Mona Lavalle: Eddie, would you take over? Ed: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LEPIDRO CLINIC - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Grissom looks at some of the framed photos she has on her shelves.) Mona Lavalle: In the sanctuary alliance I saw an eritrean girl who had her labia sewn shut. I looked into her eyes and I found a cause. Six thousand women a day suffer genital mutilation. Grissom: So you travel around the world treating the victims of sexual treachery? Mona Lavalle: You don't have to travel to find the genitally disenfranchised. Brass: Like Wendy Garner? Mona Lavalle: Wendy came to me. She was denied surgery. That's devastating. I tried to help her work through that. Grissom: By finding a doctor who would operate on her? Mona Lavalle: By working with her on what made her an unacceptable candidate. Grissom: Which was? Mona Lavalle: Patience. Brass: When was the last time you saw her? (She looks at her appointment book.) Mona Lavalle: Last night. 7:00 to 8:00 for her individual consultation. Brass: How did she seem? Mona Lavalle: She was agitated. She was worried about whether her fiancée would receive her well on their wedding night. Brass: So he didn't know? Mona Lavalle: I don't recommend what we call "passing." I suggested that Aaron come at a group. Wendy was adamant that he never know the truth. Grissom: Doctor, do you videotape your sessions? Mona Lavalle: No, never. That would violate the doctor-patient privilege. (Grissom nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Nick is working on the computer in the lab. He has a large map on the monitor. Warrick is in the lab with him.) (Note that the monitor reads: WENDY JONES - HOUSE 118 SUNSHINE LANE GREEN VALLEY, NV Nick: Wendy lived here at 118 Sunshine Road in Green Valley. (He presses a button and a dotted line appears from Wendy's house to Therapy.) Nick: She left her weekly session with Dr. Lavalle at 8:00 P.M. here. Now, Officer Mann pulled her over on Industrial Road 24 minutes later. (A third dotted line appears on the monitor.) Warrick: Well, she was found dead two miles south of there, supposedly on her way to her friend Mimosa's house here. Nick: Takes ten minutes to drive from the clinic to Industrial Road. Warrick: Yeah. Nick: Yeah. I had Greg run it. (They both chuckle.) Warrick: Classic. Fourteen minutes of Wendy's time unaccounted for. Nick: That's what I'm saying. She must've stopped somewhere between the clinic and where Officer Mann clocked her doing ninety. Nick: Somewhere in this highlighted area. Warrick: Yeah, but there's nothing out there. Nick: Not so fast. Sara found this in the medicine cabinet. It's a post-it. (Nick shows Warrick the note.) Warrick: (reads) "G-105, Section E." What does that have to do with her medicine cabinet? Nick: Doesn't have anything to do with the medicine cabinet. I thought it was map coordinates or something like that, but it's not. You know what they have a lot of up in this area? (Nick walks up to the large wall monitor and points to the area he's talking about.) Nick: Storage facilities. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. E-Z ACCESS STORAGE -- HALLWAY TO UNIT - NIGHT] (Catherine, Nick and Warrick head for the storage unit, G-105.) Warrick: What's the number again? Nick: G-105. Should be right down here. (As they approach, Warrick sees the bloody shoeprints on the floor.) Warrick: Hey, hey, watch your step. Watch your step. I got footprints. Catherine: Those look like bloody footprints. Warrick: Yeah. (They stop in front of the door. Nick kneels down in front of the padlock and tries the combination found on the yellow post-it.) (The padlock opens. Warrick takes out his gun. Nick opens the door.) [INT. E-Z ACCESS STORAGE -- UNIT G-105 - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Warrick steps into the unit. He sees the blood on the floor. The further he goes in, the worse it looks. There's a body still on the table. We can hear flies buzzing in the background.) Warrick: Nick, hit the lights. (Nick turns the lights on and they find the blonde woman's body still on the operating table, her eyes wide-open, legs spread wide and blood all over the place. It appears that she may have died mid-operation. A grotesque sight for even the experienced.) Warrick: Oh, God. (Warrick, Catherine and Nick can't believe their eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] DUE TO ADULT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. E-Z ACCESS STORAGE -- HALLWAY TO UNIT - NIGHT] (Warrick works on getting the shoe prints on the hallway floor while Nick works on printing the door frame to the warehouse unit.) (Nick dusts the door frame; Warrick snaps a photo of the shoe print.) [INT. E-Z ACCESS STORAGE -- UNIT G-105 - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine works inside the warehouse. She snaps photos of the body on the make-shift operating table. Nick: Catherine. Catherine: Yeah? Nick: What do you think went on here? Catherine: Someone outsourced their health care to the wrong provider. (Catherine snaps a photo of the table with the bloody tools on it. On the floor, she finds a bloody used latex glove. She picks it up.) Catherine: At least ... something was sterile. Nick: Maybe why I'm not getting any prints. (Brass walks into the unit. He greets Nick on his way to report to Catherine.) Brass: Hey. Nick: Hi, Jim. Brass: (to Catherine) So I, uh ... I talked to the manager. All he said was, the renter paid cash, he was a guy, he seemed normal. Catherine: Normal people don't torture people in storage bins. (Catherine turns around and takes more photos of the body on the table.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Robbins x-rays the body. On the monitor, they find piano wires in the body's lower abdomen.) Robbins: Piano wires. They're used to mobilize the lower part of the abdominal skin and anchor the neo-vagina, so it can heal in place. Catherine: I can only imagine those cramps. Robbins: The surgeon stuffs the portal with a cylinder wrapped in gauze to hold its shape while it heals, and sutures it. Catherine: And how long does milady have to wear a wire? Robbins: Well, after five days, the v*g1n* is un-sutured, and the wires are removed. Scarring indicates multiple surgeries. (Catherine and Robbins walk around the monitor and toward the body.) Robbins: She appears to have gone in for repair due to infection. Catherine: I take it that wasn't supposed to happen. Robbins: Maybe someone wasn't taking their hormones. Catherine: Or they were taking some bad Mexican bootlegs. Now, that is more than a five o'clock shadow. Robbins: It's a myth that hair grows after death. What happens is, the skin contracts, revealing whiskers. (Quick CGI POV of: Extreme close-up of the chin and hair getting longer as the skin contracts.) Robbins: (V.O.) Contraction of the erector pilae muscles, combined with fixed lividity, indicates time of death was at least two days ago. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Catherine: So she died before Wendy. Robbins: Yeah, sad as this is, it presents as accidental. Loss of blood due to hemorrhaging. Pelvic artery was severed. My theory: Surgery one, they botched. Round two, they repaired her to death. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Catherine takes out the various items taken from the operating table in the storage unit - the latex gloves, gauze and other items - all bloodied.) (She finds an item rolled up in some gauze. She unrolls it and finds a tartar control toothpaste tube inside a rubber glove.) (Using a magnifying glass, she finds a bloodied finger print on the toothpaste tube.) [SCENE_BREAK] (In the DNA Lab, Mia inverts the latex glove. She looks inside.) (Quick camera zoom into the glove: Inside the glove are drops of sweat. Resume to present.) (Mia takes a swab of the drops from inside the glove. She puts it in the test tube.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Nick is working on the computer. He puts a digital scan of the woman found on the operating table under "JOHN DOE", CASE NO: 041118-28765S. He digitizes the fingerprints from the body and runs it through AFIS. He finds one match to: VERN SALDUSKY LAST KNOWN ADDRESS: THE COCKPIT LOUNGE 87225 BUDLONG AVE. LV ALIAS: TAWNY, PEACHES, VAVA -- (Nick nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. THE COCKPIT LOUNGE - NIGHT] (Nick and Grissom walk into the Cockpit Lounge. They walk up to the bartender.) Nick: Hi. Do you know a Vern Saldusky, aka Tawny, Peaches, Vava? Bartender: One second, Honey. (Grissom smiles. Nick appears out of his league. He looks around the bar.) Nick: Okay. (The Bartender returns.) Bartender: You want to talk to Mercedes. She's in the back. Grissom: Thank you. Bartender: You're welcome. Nick: Thanks. (Grissom turns and heads for the back. Nick follows him.) [INT. THE COCKPIT LOUNGE - BACK ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (On their way to the backroom, they see a lot of sights - various people sitting and talking as well as standing around watching them.) (In the backroom, they find a woman sitting in front of a vanity mirror injecting herself in the face. Another pair of women are injecting each other in the face.) Nick: I've never seen junkies shoot up in the face before. Woman: It's not smack, it's silicone. Gives you good cheek bones. Mercedes: The ones who can't buy silicone ... shoot motor oil. Nick: Do they? Mercedes: Calm down, pretty boy. We're not the monsters. The real freaks are the suit-and-ties want to take a walk on the wild side -- before sneaking back to the wife and kids. Want to go? Nick: (shakes his head) Mm-mm. Grissom: (interrupts) Mercedes, I presume? We're with the Las Vegas Crime Lab, and we're looking for somebody. Mercedes: Isn't this where you say my P.O. would be interested to know that I'm hustling, and you ask for a freebie? Grissom: I'm actually not interested in your ass, but the person we're looking for is a human butcher who might be. Mercedes: I'm listening. Grissom: The game is helping transgenders who have been turned down for surgery. (Mecedes motions to them to step aside with her.) Mercedes: You want Benway. Benway did my transition, but something went wrong. And now I can't be a man or a woman. Want to see? Nick: No. No, that's all right. Mercedes: No, it's not all right. He keeps canceling my corrective surgery. Grissom: That may be why you're still alive. Mercedes: A friend of mine had to go back four times. Finally, he fitted her with a colostomy bag. Benway felt so bad, he hooked it up for free. Nick: Where can we find this humanitarian? Mercedes: Bulgaria, Romania, Bosnia -- one of the "ias", I don't know. He flies in and flies out. No one's ever seen him. He shows up as you go under, and splits before you come to. Nick: Do you know Vern Saldusky? Mercedes: You mean Tawny? Yeah, Benway just did her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - NIGHT] (Catherine walks into the Break Room to report to Sara and Warrick. She looks down at the open file folder in her hands.) Catherine: Jacqui got an AFIS hit off the bloody fingerprint from the toothpaste tube found in Vern's v*g1n*. Sara: Wow. Catherine: Came back a Dr. Karl Benway, military service. Warrick: Well, we found out that this creepy looking thing is an abdominal retractor, used to keep the cavity open during surgery. Sara: It's only sold in surgical supply stores. And other than hospitals, the only individual who's purchased one in the last year and a half in Las Vegas, Nevada, is Dr. Karl Benway. (Nick and Grissom step into the Break Room.) Nick: We know the name of the butcher. Catherine / Warrick / Sara: (together) Benway. (Grissom looks at all of them.) Grissom: Okay. What do you know about him, and do we have an address? Sara: Total dead end-- he's not registered with the AMA; he's not in the DMV database; he has no passport issued in the State of Nevada. (Greg walks to the hallway headed straight for the Break Room.) Catherine: So we've got a non-doctor who served in the military who doesn't drive and never leaves the country. Greg: Sara, you asked for some ... research. Microfiche. Medical Journals. The stacks. There's not a lot on this guy, but this is what I've been able to find. (Greg tosses the stack of photos on the table. Catherine looks through them.) Greg: Vietnam vet -- served as medic. Then it looks like he did a short stint with the sanctuary alliance in Ghana. (As she finishes them, she hands them to Grissom.) Greg: He goes from Ghana to Mexico, where he's arrested and deported for performing illegal abortions. (Grissom finds the mug shot of a man holding a board that reads: SALTILLO COAMULA DE GARAGOZA NOMBRE: KARL BENWAY PECHA: 02/05/79\ TYPO DE ***: ABORTE ILEGAL (There's something about the photo that has Grissom looking at it a little more closely.) Sara: Was his medical license revoked? Greg: No. Benway never went to medical school. (Grissom sees the next photo and recognizes Benway immediately.) Greg: In 1983, he was arrested for protesting outside the Supreme Court. (Grissom looks at the photo from the Anti-Nuclear Rally. This Benway is instantly recognizable.) Greg: 1987, San Francisco Chronicle article. He was interviewed at an anti-nuke rally. Grissom: -- and photographed. You know what? I believe Dr. Lavalle ... is Dr. Benway. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Brass and Grissom interview Mona Lavalle - a.k.a. Karl Benway.) Brass: Boy, you must get pretty jet-lagged flying back and forth to Bulgaria. Or is it Romania ... Karl? Mona Lavalle (Karl Benway): I haven't been Karl Benway for a very long time. Brass: Yeah, like three days ago, when you killed Vern Saldusky at the E-Z Access Storage Unit? That's a hell of a place for an operating room. I mean, why not go all the way and use the men's room at the bus station? Grissom: We found your fingerprint there. Mona Lavalle (Karl Benway): I never said I wasn't there. I attended Vern's surgery. He was ... terrified. I tried to calm him. Brass: Can't get any calmer than dead. Mona Lavalle (Karl Benway): I'm a counselor. Brass: (sighs) Is that how your fingerprint ended up on a three-day-old v*g1n*? Counseling? (Quick flashback to: [E-Z ACCESS STORAGE UNIT] During surgery, Mona Lavalle works with the tubing, her hands bloodied. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Mona Lavalle (Karl Benway): I've devoted my life to helping those who are cast out by gender prejudice. Where would these souls be without me? Who will stand in judgment? As to who's a candidate and who's not. Dr. Mercer? I was the only one willing to help them. I was nineteen in the rice paddies of Vietnam ... sewing legs back on grunts. (She stands up.) I performed abortions in Mexico ... on rape victims when the church turned its back on them. I have been doing gender reassignment surgery for ten years. Grissom: You've been performing surgeries without a medical degree ... doctor. Brass: How many Vern's have there been? Grissom: How many Wendy's? (She sits back down.) Mona Lavalle (Karl Benway): Vern was an unfortunate tragedy. I have no idea what happened to Wendy. Brass: She saw you with Vern. So you killed her, so she wouldn't expose you. Mona Lavalle (Karl Benway): That's impossible. After I saw Wendy at the clinic, I went straight to my daughter's soccer game. I have nothing more to say. Grissom: We need you to say "ahh." (He holds out a swab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Catherine and Mia walk through the hallway.) Mia Dickerson: So, I heard Brass arrested Dr. Lavalle, who is really Dr. Benway? Catherine: Mm-hmm. Mia Dickerson: Which means her DNA is male. Catherine: Right. Mia Dickerson: In one of the latex gloves at the storage facility, I found female DNA. Catherine: Well, Vern was a male, and Dr. Lavalle was a male. Mia Dickerson: So the doctor had help. (They walk out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. LEPIDRO CLINIC - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (Nick and Warrick are in the living room looking around. Francis is heard off screen struggling with a couple of officers.) Francis: (o.s.) This is absurd! This is ridiculous! What you have done to my wife is disgraceful! You're not gonna find anything here! Warrick: Officer, could you escort this man outside. Francis: This is discrimination. We are normal people, trying to live a normal life. (The officers take Francis outside. Nick notices something.) Nick: I think we have a spitter, my friend. (Off screen, the door closes.) Warrick: Really? Nick: Oh, yeah. (Nick takes out his flashlight and definitely finds a spot of spit on the table.) Warrick: I'll check the back. Nick: All right. (Nick takes a swab sample of it.) (Cut to: Warrick goes into the Utility Room and looks into the cabinets. He finds vials of a clear liquid. He also finds a camcorder video cartridge, its film pulled out.) (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Someone struggles to remove the video film cartridge from the camcorder. End of flashback. Resume to present.) [EXT. LEPIDRO CLINIC - FRONT DRIVEWAY - DAY] (While Nick watches, Amber and Tippy get out of the car to find the police in their driveway.) Francis: (shouts) Take her home! Would you ... just get her out of here! (Francis struggles against the Officer's hold on him.) Francis: (scathing) (to Officer) Can I take care of my daughter, please? (Francis walks up to Tippy.) Amber Hamshaw: Francis, what is going on? Tippy: Daddy, what's going on? Francis: It's okay, honey. Amber's gonna take you home. Tippy: I want to go with you. Francis: I know. Tippy: Where's Mommy? Francis: Mommy's gonna be right back. Amber Hamshaw: I can't take her. I have the night shift at the hospital. Fr ... Francis: She shouldn't be seeing this. She's your kid, too. Take some responsibility. Amber Hamshaw: Okay, fine. Francis: Good. (Francis turns away; Amber drops the cigarette she's smoking onto the driveway and puts it out with the toe of her shoe. Nick notes the move.) (Amber goes back to help Tippy into the car.) Amber Hamshaw: (o.s.) Put your belt on. Come on, can you pull it? (Nick walks up to the cigarette on the driveway.) Amber Hamshaw: (o.s.) Get out of the way. (Camera zooms in on the lipstick on the tip of the still-smoking cigarette.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Nick holds out the cigarette in an evidence bag and shows it to Amber.) Amber Hamshaw: I don't understand why I'm here. Nick: Well, you're here because I compared your DNA from this cigarette butt to sweat recovered from the inside of a latex glove at the crime scene. (Amber closes her eyes.) (Quick flashback to: [E-Z ACCESS STORAGE UNIT] Amber is inside the storage unit assisting with the surgery on the woman on the table. The heart monitor gives a steady tone.) Amber Hamshaw: Look! She's bleeding out! Busted artery! (Sweat forms on Amber's forehead, drops and falls into her latex glove.) Nick: Ms. Hamshaw ... Dr. Lavalle was performing illegal surgeries, and you were assisting. Now, why would you be involved with something like that? Amber Hamshaw: Mona and Francis helped me clean up. They gave me money to be a surrogate mom for Tippi and got me my RN degree. They're family. Nick: So Tippi has two dads and one mom? Amber Hamshaw: Actually, it's two moms and a dad. Nick: Okay, tell me about Wendy Garner. Amber Hamshaw: Her procedure was completely successful. Nick: Well, right up till her death. Amber Hamshaw: I had nothing to do with that. I was at Tippi's soccer game with Mona. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Greg dusts the video film and lifts off a fingerprint. He scans the print into the computer.) (Cut to: Archie fixes the video cartridge and pops it into the machine. He reviews the film with Warrick.) [FROM VIDEO] (The video footage is fuzzy, but it shows Wendy Garner's bridal shower.) Woman 1: (from video) Okay, now what's next? Woman 2: (from video) I don't know. WOMAN 3: (from video) We've got Belle. WENDY GARNER: (from video) Okay. Belle. Belle. That's so sweet... (The video footage changes and shows the storage unit. The woman on the table is already dead and everyone's gone.) Wendy Garner: (crying) (o.s. from video) Oh, my God, what is this? How could you do this? I just wanted you to keep my secret from Aaron, not this. I trusted you. How could you just leave her like this? (The video footage shows the body on the table, the bloody instruments and abandoned surgical trash.) Wendy Garner: (o.s. from video) (moans) So much blood. (The video footage cuts back to the bridal shower.) Wendy Garner: (from video) I mean, this day means so much to me. And to have girlfriends like you, it's just amazing. (Archie pauses the video.) Archie Johnson: Thirty seconds of mutilation recorded over a bridal shower. Warrick: She told her best friend and Officer Mann that she had some videos to show. I think she must have been trying to expose Lavalle. (Warrick's phone rings. He answers it.) Warrick: Brown. Really? Thanks. (He hangs up.) That was Brass. Ten soccer moms confirm they saw Dr. Lavalle and Amber Hamshaw at the soccer game the night Wendy was killed. Another dead end. (Greg walks into the lab.) Greg: Those fingerprints on the video tape you recovered? We got a match. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Catherine interviews Francis.) Catherine: Wendy's video tape ... your fingerprint. Brass: Doctor, help me understand something. Wendy videotaped the storage area, threatening to expose your wife's "good work" because your wife was threatening to tell Wendy's fiancee that she's not what she appears to be. (Brass sits down.) Brass: But the three of you were still getting it on. Francis: I beg your pardon? Catherine: Based on the DNA that we found in Wendy's cheek, you were swapping spit with her, and your wife was swapping something else with her. Brass: Now we know that post-ops can't ejaculate. So the only way I can explain the semen in Wendy's mouth is your wife is still packing. Francis: Yes, and I performed fellatio on my wife ... after lunch. Is that a crime? I have no idea how anything got into Wendy's mouth. My wife and I did not cheat. (He looks at them.) You don't get it, do you? Because we're different. We still love. We still honor. Brass: Is that why you hacked out Wendy's Adam's apple? Love and honor? You went back to the storage area to get rid of Vern's body. You saw Wendy leaving. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. STORAGE UNIT - NIGHT] Wendy runs out of the storage unit with the camcorder in her hand. She looks around. She gets into her car and starts her car engine.) (In the car nearby, Francis watches her as she pulls out.) (Cut to: Officer Mann drives away. Again, Francis watches from his parked car. He follows Wendy.) Wendy Garner: (o.s. to phone) Mimosa, look, it's me. I need your help, okay? I have these videos and I have to show you them. You're never going to believe what's on them. These people ... they have to be stopped. (While Wendy is on the phone, Francis pulls up alongside her and runs her off the road. He gets out of the car and runs up to Wendy, who is standing outside her car. He attacks her.) Francis: (angry) How dare you?! (Francis pushes Wendy back into the car.) Francis: (angry) You don't appreciate anything she does for you! (He takes out a knife and slits her throat. He picks up the camcorder and rips out the video tape, throwing the recorder off to the side.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Francis: I tried to protect my wife's work. Not just for us. For all the people like us. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Catherine and Sara walk through the hallway.) Catherine: So the man admits to murder but not infidelity. Sara: Well, maybe he wasn't unfaithful. You know, I read a paper in the JFS documenting a case where a woman kissed a man, who had smoked a cigarette. When they tested the cigarette butt, they found both their DNA on it. Catherine: So you're saying it was transfer? Sara: Well, if Francis gave his wife fellatio shortly before he killed Wendy, it's possible that some of the semen was still in his mouth, and it got transferred onto her through his spit. (Quick flashback to: [STRUGGLE] Francis struggles with Wendy. Spit flies out of his mouth.) (Camera zooms in close-up to the spit.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Right. Sara: Don't you think? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Grissom meets with Mimosa.) Grissom: I thought you'd want to know what happened to Wendy. Mimosa: I appreciate your telling me. Killed by someone in our own community. As if we don't have enough enemies. Her parents never understood her, but still I think they should know. What do I say? Grissom: Show them an oyster. Mimosa: I'm sorry? Grissom: There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one s*x ... is a mutation. FADE TO BLACK
Plan: A: a sex change operation; Q: What did the woman undergo before she was found stabbed to death? A: the Las Vegas transgender community; Q: What community do the CSI team have to delve into to find the killer? Summary: The CSI team investigate when a woman is found stabbed to death. They soon discover that the woman underwent a sex change operation and have to delve into the world of the Las Vegas transgender community to find the killer.
(Seattle Scenes) MVO: We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. (Finn's house, Meredith is watching him make breakfast.) MVO: A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves. To other people. Meredith: So, uh, I don't cook. Finn: Nobody asked you to cook. Meredith: I know, I'm just saying that, you know, I don't cook, so you don't have to cook. I don't expect you to cook for me. Finn: Ok. You. Sit there. Sit down. I want you to drink this and try really hard to act like you aren't scary and damaged. Meredith: I'm not scary and damaged. Finn: Yeah, you are. Meredith: No. I'm not scary or damaged. Finn: Mm-hmm. All right. Why don't you tell me about your family? Meredith: Ok. Me not wanting to talk about my family does not make me scary or damaged. Finn: Ok. Tell me about the last guy you slept with. MVO: The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we have done. Or that's been done to us. (Bathroom at Meredith's house) Izzie: What did you say to him? Meredith: Nothing. I fled the scene. Izzie: You didn't tell him about George or Derek? Meredith: No. Izzie: Hmm. You like him. Meredith: I could like him. Izzie: Is the s*x any good? Meredith: I don't know. Izzie: Four dates and two sleepovers at his place and no s*x? Meredith: Not even a kiss good night. Izzie: Oh, I am proud. I am like a proud mama. Meredith: Shut up. (Callie enters the bathroom in only her underwear.) Callie: Morning. MVO: Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. (She goes to the bathroom then leaves.) Meredith: Oh, my God. Did that just happen? Izzie: I'm having a seizure. I am clearly mid-seizure. I'm seizing. Meredith: Oh, my God. Izzie: She didn't even wash her hands. Meredith: Oh, my God. MVO: Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. (SGH, ER) Izzie: All I'm saying, George, is that if she needs to pee she could as least wear a bra. Or maybe wait until she's alone. And for the love of every sanitary, could she just wash her hands? She's a surgeon. George: You said yourself you guys were blocking the sink. I think you're exaggerating. Izzie: She peed. Naked peeing. Ask Meredith. Meredith? (They walk up to Cristina, Alex and Meredith who are sitting in the ambulance bay.) Izzie: That's right, I forgot, you're not talking to her. George: Oh! Izzie: If you were she would tell you that Callie crosses the line. So crossed the line. So freaking crossed. Alex: Oh. Were still pretending that you're not seeing a patient, right? Cristina: People, what's with all the evil misery? Huh? Live and let live. George: You're cheerful. Cristina: Oh, come on. Izzie: You are. How's that possible? Cristina: I scrubbed in on a four hour parasophageal hernia last night. Then I got laid. And now, three ambulances are coming in full of bloody broken car crash victims, all who need to be cut open. So, I'm cheery! I'm cheery! I'm cheery! MVO: And sometimes the damage is something we can't even see. Cristina: I'm cheerful! (Derek walks up) Cristina: Sorry, sir, I... Meredith: Hey. Derek: How's my dog? Meredith: Much better. Finn's running tests. Derek: Good. Meredith: Our dog. Derek: What? Meredith: Our dog. You said "my dog." He's our dog. Derek: Yeah, whatever. Meredith: Are you mad at me or something? Derek: Now's not the time. (Izzie is entering a trauma room with a Noah Reynolds) Izzie: 25-year-old restrained driver Noah Reynolds. Vitals stable. Chief complaint: right knee pain. Bailey: Curtain three. (Another gurney is being wheeled in) Melanie: Noah, you still alive. Noah: I'm still alive, baby! My wife's side took all of the impact. Her parents were in the other car. Some jerk slammed into them and then they slammed into us. Izzie: On three. One. Two. Three. (Cristina is with Melanie, Noah's wife.) Paramedic: 22-year-old pregnant restrained passenger T-boned on her side. Prolonged extrication in the field. BP 90 over 50. Pulse in the 80s. Bailey: Trauma room one. Melanie: Trauma? No, I'm fine. Really. You don't have to go to all that trouble, mercy no. I am fine. The air bags went off. If you could just check on my baby and the rest of my family. My husband. Noah? You saw Mama breathing, right? And Daddy? Where the hell's Daddy? Mama and Daddy are still alive, right? Noah: They're in the next ambulance right behind us. Melanie: They're still alive, right? Cristina: Please don't move, ma'am. Melanie: Mama and Daddy, I need to know. Cristina: Yeah, I'll ask someone about...Mama. Melanie: And Daddy. (George enters with two more gurneys, containing Jim and Millie.) George: Driver and front-seat passenger both early 50s, both restrained, both stable. The passenger has some leg and arm pain, the driver is complaining of chest pain. Millie: Dang it all to heck. Excuse my French, honey, but I need some whatever kind of horse pills you've got because this hurts like the dickens! (Jim, Millie, Noah and his wife are all yelling back and forth to each other.) (Melanie's room) Cristina: Uh, that would be Mama? Melanie: Mama! You ok? (Millie's room) Millie: I am in pain. (Jim's room, he is fighting doctors to get off the gurney) Jim: Get off. Get off! George: Sir, I need to clear your spine. Jim: My spine is fine and you can sew up my head later. Where's my girl? Melanie: Daddy? Jim: Millie? Noah: Jim? Millie: Mel? Melanie: Mama? Bailey: (To herself) The hillbilly picnic. (Jim runs into Melanie's room) Cristina: Could everybody shut up for a minute? I'm trying to find a fetal heartbeat, hold on. Melanie: Is the baby ok? Cristina: Hold on. The baby's heart rate is 152 and strong. It's...it's ok. Jim: They're both good. They're good. Millie: Thank the Lord. Thank the Lord they're all right. (Meredith enters with another gurney) Meredith: Dr. Bailey, another car crash victim. Millie: That's him! That's the guy who hit us. Jim: I'll kill him, I'm gonna get you. Richard: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Jim: You son of a bitch. Millie: Big Jim, just hold your horses. He's hurt. He's already hurt. Jim: Good! Melanie: Daddy? Jim: Don't ask me to be neighborly! He slammed into us. Bailey: Trauma three. Page Ortho and Neuro. O'Malley, give her a hand. Marshall: What happened? Millie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you are you doing, young man? Alex: I'm just trying to examine you. Millie: I don't think so. (whispers) I don't have any panties on. I do not know you well enough to let you see my good girl. Get me a lady doctor. Alex: I need a chick over here! (Trauma 3) Marshall: What happened? Meredith: Marshall Stone, surgical intern at Mercy West. Marshall: What happened? Derek: Page Ortho to look at his wrist and let CT know we're coming. George: Yes, Dr. Shepherd. Derek: Marshall, I'm going to say three words to you, ok? And then I want you to repeat them back to Dr. Grey. Can you do that? Marshall: Ok. Derek: Ok. Bat, orange, car. You think you can remember that? Marshall: Mm-hmm. Derek: Good. Ok. Here. He has a closed head injury. Watch for vomiting, confusion and loss of consciousness, ok? Meredith: All right. Derek: Good. Meredith: Derek? Derek: Not now. Let me know when you get the CT report back. (Derek leaves) Meredith: Marshall,...can you remember those words? Marshall: What happened? (CT viewing room) George: And this is the father, Big Jim. I don't call him Big Jim. The family, they call him Big Jim. Alex: Oh, stupid hicks. George: Really? Being Southern makes you stupid? Do you know that he owns half of Alabama. Izzie: Yeah. And I bet he even washes his hands after he pees. George: That's uncalled for. Bailey: This is a place of business. Discharge the mother, discharge the father. George: Yes, Dr. Bailey. Bailey: Karev, get the husband to the OR for surgery. (Addison enters) Addison: Dr. Karev, there you are. You're supposed to be up on OB/GYN rounding on my patients. Alex: Oh, yeah, I got paged. 911. Pregnant mom. Car accident. Very serious. Addison: Pity. I've got three surgeries on the board. I was gonna ask you to scrub in, but I guess you should stay by that pregnant lady's side all day. You see to it, Dr. Bailey? Bailey: Karev, go find your patient. Stevens, scrub in on Noah's patella fracture. Alex: The She-Shepherd just walks in here and pulls me off surgery? Bailey: You burn the She-Shepherd, she burns back. Go. (Melanie is getting ready for CT scan.) Melanie: The CT won't hurt the baby or nothing, right? Cristina: No, it won't hurt the baby...or nothing. Ok, on three. One, two, three, up. Melanie: I was having a shower today. A baby shower. That's why Mama and Daddy are in town. Because I'm having a baby. How nice is that? Cristina: Nice. Melanie: Isn't it? Cristina: Mm-hmm. (Alex enters) What are you doing here? Alex: I'm captain of the v*g1n* squad. Cristina: Oh, this nice man is going to take care of you now and he really like to talk, so chat away. Melanie: It was nice meeting you. Alex: Not cool, Yang. Melanie: What does she mean? Captain? And what kind of squad are you on? (Marshall's room) George: Uh, you shouldn't be reading your own chart. Marshall: I want to find out what caused me to swerve my car into oncoming traffic and not be able to remember it. Hey, those people, the ones I hit, they're going to be ok, right? No serious complications? George: Uh, they're still checking them out. (George goes to leave and Izzie enters) Izzie: Do. Torres? Callie: Yeah? Izzie: I was told you're performing the Noah Reynolds surgery. Callie: Yes. Izzie: Well, I'm your intern. So, whenever you're ready. Callie: Ok, well, head up and prep the OR. I need to put on a splint. (Izzie leaves) George: Um...did you wash your hands? Callie: What? George: You washed your hands, right? Callie: Of course I washed my hands. George: No. No. Of course you did. Callie: Um, Marshall, this is going to hurt a little bit, ok? Marshall: My ETOH and tox screens were pristine, so I wasn't drinking or...under the influence. Ow. (Derek enters) Derek: Ok, we get the CT result back yet? Meredith: Not yet. Marshall: My GCS was 13. Why haven't I had a CT? Derek: Dr. Grey? Meredith: CT was backed up. And he's lucid now, so... Derek: So get it done! Now! (Cristina walks up to a nurse's station where Burke is) Cristina: Hey. Daisy Duke's case was boring me to tears. So, um, you got any good hearts that I can cut open? Or, you know, bad hearts that we can make good? (Burke walks away, Cristina follows him) Cristina: Burke? Use words. Burke: You fell asleep. Cristina: When? Burke: This morning. In the on-call room. Cristina: I fell asleep after we, you know... Burke: Not after. Not after. Cristina: Oh. Oh. I'm...sorry. I...I was really tired. Seriously. Seriously, my bad. I'm really sorry. Don't let this threaten your manhood. Burke: Oh, this is not...I am very confident in my manhood, thank you very much. Cristina: Well good, you should be, because I mean...I fell asleep because I had already finished. Twice. Burke: I hadn't finished. Cristina: I was tired. It's not like I did this on purpose. Burke: Oh, did you stay in the hospital last night on purpose? Because you weren't even on call. Cristina: It was a paraesopageal hernia. I had never seen one. You know what, I'm a surgeon first, just like you. Burke: No. No. Not just like me. I am a person first. (Izzie is walking down a hallway) Izzie: Someone page me? Denny? Nurse: He collapsed. Izzie: What happened? Denny: Too far, too fast. Izzie: What were you doing? Denny: Stairs. Real bright, huh? Izzie: Your LVAD battery is almost dead. Um, get him to his room, I'll get Dr. Burke. Nurse: Let's get him up now. Nice and easy on one, two, three. (Denny's room) Burke: Now, Denny, you knew that LVAD wasn't a cure. Denny: I want to go home. I want to go home yesterday. Burke: I know this is hard to hear, but that's just not an option at this point. Denny: Since when do you get to decide what's an option in my life and what isn't? My heart may be on your battery packs, but it's till my heart. It's my decision. It's my damn life. Burke: That's right. It is your life. And it is your life that is at stake. And it is your life that well end if you continue to push like you did today. Denny: You said the LVAD would make me better. Burke: I told you the LVAD would buy more time. And it will. If you respect it's limitations and your own. Denny: I want to go home. (Izzie and Burke leave the room) Izzie: What do we do? Burke: We put him on a tight leash. Tell the nurses to keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't take any more endurance hikes in the stairwell. Izzie: Yeah. But...Preston, what do we do? Burke: The damage to his body we can try to control, but the damage to his spirit...For a man like Denny to lie on this bed for years on end...That's not something we could really understand. And his feelings about it aren't something we should try to control. Give him room, Izzie. Just give him room to grieve. (CT scan viewing room) Cristina: You finally got Melanie to shut up? Alex: Finally. Thanks for that by the way. (Bailey enters) Bailey: How's she doing? CT Tech: Images coming up now. Cristina: Ooh, is that a teardrop fracture? Alex: No head bleed, though. That's good. Cristina: Look at her lungs. Alex: Is that her liver? Cristina: How is she alive? Bailey: Karev, page Shepherd, Burke, Montgomery-Shepherd, the Chief and every surgeon with an available hand and get an OR opened. Go! Melanie? Mel...Get me a stretcher. Let's pull her out of there now! Melanie? (Callie walks into the hall and runs into George) Callie: Hey, have you seen Izzie? She was supposed to prep an OR for Noah's surgery and she completely bailed. (George walks by without saying anything) Callie: What? George: Mr. and Mrs. Johnson? Jim: Dr. O'Malley. Millie: That little girl right there says she's going to fix Noah's leg all by herself. And she just gave him a big old shot for his pain. I really like her. George: Mr. and Mrs. Johnson? Big Jim? Millie: Is it Mel? George: Yes, ma'am, it is. Jim: What? What? George: When your daughter came into the OR, her body was over-pumping her bloodstream, with adrenaline, which kept her conscious and alert and, uh, pain-free. During the CT scan, she was lying still for an extended period of time and se her body relaxed. And the adrenaline stopped flowing, which allowed her to succumb to the full extent of her injuries, which...they're catastrophic. Millie: Excuse me? (Melanie's OR) Bailey: Bovie. Richard: More suction here. Clamp. Burke: Internal saw. Addison: Karev, sit down. Alex: I can't see. Addison: The only thing I want you to do is sit at that fetal monitor and watch that baby's heartbeat. Alex: So now I'm a baby-sitter? Bailey: Ok, retractor. Richard: Addison, we're ready for you. (Noah's room) George: We are going to do absolutely everything we can. (Melanie's OR) Addison: Uterus is protected. Baby's heartbeat? Alex: 146. Addison: Ok, baby's safe. You can proceed with the mother. Burke: Lungs are damaged pretty badly. Doctor: Pressure just bottomed out. Richard: Let's transfuse. Bailey: Four quadrant packing. Come on, people, get me some lap pads. Richard: Cross clamp the aorta. Burke: Clamp. Got it. Richard: There's too much bleeding, she'll never last. Shepherd? Derek: Damage control. Richard: Addison? Addison: If you want the baby to live, damage control. Richard: Burke? Burke: Damage control. Richard: Everyone knows the rules. We're gonna move as rapidly as possible. Don't worry about finishing repairs. For now we're on crisis management people, just get it done. Once she reaches the triangle, we stop. No exceptions. Alex: Why's he talking about triangle? What triangle? Cristina: Blood stops clotting, her muscles produce acid and her organs get cold. Alex: You're talking about the triangle of death? (Marshall and Meredith are waiting for CT) Marshall: A ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm. Meredith: What? Marshall: I scrubbed in on an abdominal aortic aneurysm. It was a 12 hour surgery. I had already worked 30 hours, but I didn't want to miss it. I fell asleep for...a second behind the wheel. I closed my eyes for a second at the red light. A second. It was only 12 hours. I'd done it before. Meredith: We've all done it before. Marshall: Dr. Grey? Meredith: Meredith. Marshall: Meredith. Marshall: Does this mean...Are we actually saying that, uh...today...this morning...because I stayed in the OR to save a life...I may have killed a pregnant woman? CT Tech: Dr. Grey? You ordered a CT on Marshall Stone? (Meredith stands up to talk to the Tech for a moment) Meredith: We're going to need a moment. CT Tech: I'm backed up here with five patients. Meredith: We need a moment. (Meredith turns around and Marshall is gone.) Meredith: Marshall? Marshall? [SCENE_BREAK] (Denny's room) Denny: Izzie, please. Izzie: Come on, Denny, just... Denny: Izzie. Izzie: Smell. Smell. Chocolate. And not the crappy, processed, waxy kind, but the really good Swiss chocolate that you get at the gift shop that costs way too much money, but is totally worth it. Try it. And exhibit B. Tabloids. Good old fashioned trashy celebrity gossip rags. Denny: Damn it, Izzie, stop it! Just stop it! You think I'm feeling sorry for myself, right? Poor sad sack Denny just needs a little perspective. Izzie: You do need a little perspective. Denny: You have no idea what it is to lose what I have lost. Izzie: I know loss, Denny. Denny: No you don't! I'm a man. I'm a strong, virile horse of a man stuck in the body of some weak, sick b*st*rd that I don't know, like, or recognize. Now if you knew what that feels like, you would have never convinced me to let a battery run my heart. If you knew what it feels like, Izzie...you would have let me go. (Melanie's OR) Doctor: Systolic's 82, folks. Not getting any better. Bailey: How's the spleen, Chief? Richard: Unsalvageable, I'm afraid. Addison: Karev! Alex: Frequent decels and loss of variability. Addison: The baby's fading. Doctor: PH is down 7.1. Core temp 93 degrees. Richard: Ok, we've reached the triangle, people. Hands out. Bailey: Still oozing. Richard: We're not trying for perfection people. Derek: Just give me a second. Richard: Hands out! Damn it, stop! Everybody stop! Burke: Cristina, let it go. Bailey: Slow. Erratic. But it's a heartbeat. Addison: Baby's holding steady. Burke: Bring out the plastic. Cristina: Plastic? We're not going to close? Bailey: No. We're going to keep her open, cover her with plastic, and get her to the ICU. Alex: And then what? Richard: And then we're gonna see if she survives. (Derek looks up and sees Marshall in the gallery.) (Marshall is getting ready for his CT) Derek: Ok. We'll take care of you, all right? (Derek walks to the viewing room where Meredith is) Derek: How in the hell do you let a patient get that far off your watch? Meredith: I turned my back for a second. Derek: He was in the damned gallery. Meredith: He's a surgical intern at Mercy West... Derek: I don't care if he's the surgeon general. In this hospital, he's a patient with a head injury who needs a CT. in this hospital, he's a scared guy who does not need to see the massive internal injuries of the woman he rammed with his car! This is your fault. You had him and you lost him! You got to take responsibility for your actions for once in your life! Meredith: Derek! (Melanie's ICU room) Bailey: We've given her medications to help her blood clot and to help counteract the acid buildup. We're slowly raising her body temperature with warming blankets, warmed IV fluids, and blood products. Jim: How long is she going to have to be like that? You know, with...open like that? Addison: We want her to regain as much strength as possible before we operate again. But at the same time, we want to repair the damage as soon as possible. So it's a balancing act. Millie: I'm sorry. I don't quite know what you mean. Bailey: Melanie will die if we don't get her back to surgery soon enough and Melanie will die if we take her back to surgery too soon. Millie: A balancing act. Addison: A balancing act. (Bailey walks out of the room) Bailey: Uh, Yang, call me if she starts actively bleeding. Cristina: Ok. (Addison walks out of the room) Addison: Karev. Where are you going? Alex: What? She's in ICU. There's nothing I can do. Addison: You can sit there with her and watch that fetal monitor. Alex: You can't be serious. She's circling the drain. Addison: You know how long a baby can survive inside its dead mother. Four to five minutes. Minutes not seconds, Karev. Look at Melanie. Look at her. Now look around. You see all the doctors and nurses, even her parents. Their sole job is to take care of Melanie. My job is to care for that baby. Now, I've got a surgery scheduled, so when I step foot on that elevator and leave, you are going to be the only person on this entire floor responsible for that baby. Do not let me down, Karev. (Hospital hallway) Izzie: Her organs are bleeding, damaged, exposed, and covered in plastic wrap. Meredith: Poor Marshall. I mean, one minute you're a surgeon, the next you've destroyed an entire family. Izzie: Last month, I fell asleep in the parking lot. On a bench. I literally couldn't even make it to the car. Meredith: I fell asleep at a restaurant. At a table while I was on a date. Cristina: Yeah, well, I fell asleep during s*x. (George walks up) George: Izzie. Hey, Callie's looking for you. You blew off her surgery. Izzie: No. I...I had a patient. Denny. I...I had to go. George: You were hanging out with Denny? Izzie: Oh, please. Do not even talk to me about standards. The girl can't even wash her hands. (George walks away, angrily) Cristina: Don't worry about Bambi. If Burke can forgive me for falling asleep during s*x, then George can forgive you for crying. Meredith: But Burke hasn't forgiven you. (Noah's room. Callie is checking on his leg. George enters. ) George: I found Izzie. She said she had a patient. Callie: I knew you'd take her side. George: What? Callie: He needs an IV. (Callie leaves) George: Are you... Noah: She's mad at you. George: I...I didn't know you were awake. Noah: What did you do? George: Uh, has...has anyone talked to you about your wife? About what's happening? Noah: What's happening? Uh...you know, I can't really, uh, wrap my brain around what's happening. You know, I'm from here. Uh, Seattle. And, uh...you know, I go away to college and I come back married to this big-haired, drawling Southern girl. And everyone I know thinks I'm crazy. But I love her. I just...I love her. And, uh...what's happening is that my...big-haired Southern girl could be dying. And...I can't think about that. You know, I need...I need to think about something else. I mean, it doesn't...matter so much. Something that doesn't...doesn't have me burying my 22-year-old wife and baby. So, uh, so...what the hell did you do? George: I believed my friend when she told me that Dr. Torres doesn't wash her hands. Noah: Well, I hope that's not true. Seeing as she just, uh...performed surgery on me and all. George: Yeah. (Derek enters Marshall's room) Derek: You paged me. Meredith: CT results. Derek: Good, thank you. All right, lets see what we've got here. Marshall, everything checks out fine. Your short-term memory loss was a result from the concussion. But to be safe, I want to keep you here overnight for observation, all right? Marshall: I have to apologize. Derek: What? Marshall: To the woman's family. I have to tell them I'm sorry for what I did. Derek: You should get some rest. (Derek leaves, Meredith follows him and they enter a stairwell.) Meredith: I never should have told you about George. Derek: No, it's fine, I'm glad I know. About him. And the vet. You really get around. Meredith: What did you just say to me? Derek: It's unforgivable. Meredith: I don't remember ever asking you to forgive me. Derek: So was the knitting a phase? Who's next? Alex? Because I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common. (Derek turns to leave, Meredith grabs his arm.) Meredith: You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with! I was done. So all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore. Derek: This think with us is finished. It's over. Meredith: Finally. Derek: Yeah. It's done. Meredith: It is done. (Derek leaves going up the stairs and Meredith slowly goes down.) (Melanie's room) Cristina: Her temperature is 95.4 degrees and her pH is 7.28. Burke: Definitely clotting better. But some of the wounds are still oozing. Richard: Well, still a fine line. She may not be quite stable enough. Millie: Y'all don't have to whisper. I'm sitting right here. I can here you anyway. And she's my baby. She's my little girl. It's a big decision like this. Going back in. Sewing up her...organs. It's the kind of decision that a mama ought to be involved in. I mean, all her life, she's asked me everything. From...what color dress she ought to wear to her kindergarten dance to what she ought to name her baby. Because I'm her mama. And it's my job to have an opinion. It's my job to have an answer. I may not have an answer here, but...I'm still her mama. And you just don't have to whisper. Richard: All right. What do you think, Dr. Bailey? Bailey: I think if we wait much longer she'll go into multiple organ failure. Richard: Ok. If it's all right with you, Mrs. Johnson, we think it's time to get back in there and finish what we started. (Melanie's OR) Derek: Ok, I'm done. Richard: Yang. Get in here and start washing out the abdominal cavity. Burke: Bleeding is controlled in the chest. I had to resect a part of her lung but... Alex: Fetal heart rate's down to 80. Richard: Mom's heart rate is slowing down. Doctor: 48 and dropping. Bailey: Ruptured retroperitoneal hematoma. She's bleeding out. Richard: Idioventricular rhythm. Do we have a BP? Doctor: Trying to run it. Nothing's registering. Bailey: Yang, get your hands in here and hold pressure. Alex: Fetal heart rate down to 60. Cristina: Heart's fibrillating. Bailey: Dr. Webber, can you see the source of the bleed? Burke: Hand me the internal paddles. Alex: We're losing the baby. Burke: Charge to 20. Clear. Richard: We're chasing our tails here. Get Addison Shepherd. (Alex enters the OR next door) Alex: Melanie's crashing. Addison: It's right there. Alex: You hear me? She's crashing. Addison: I'm elbow deep in a patient's uterus, Karev. What do you want me to do? Leave this woman and her child to die. Alex: I'm doing my job. Addison: And I'm doing mine. Do what you can, I'll be there as soon as I'm done. Ok, people, let's speed it up. (George is sitting with Noah, Jim and Millie.) Millie: They'll know where to find us...when there's news? They'll know we're here? George: Yes, ma'am. Millie: Good. Ok. Ok. Jim: Is there something I should be doing, someone I should talk with? Something? George: You're doing everything you can do, Big Jim. (Meredith enters the room) Meredith: I know this isn't the best time, but Marshall would very much like the chance to apologize to the family if they'll let him. He's one of us, George. (Alex enters Melanie's OR) Alex: Shepherd's still in surgery. I told her to hurry. Richard: How's her heart? Bailey: Asystole. Alex: How long has she been down? Cristina: Five minutes. Alex: Well, I'm gonna do a C-section. Glove. I need to get that baby out. Tell me what to do. Bailey: Yang. We're going to...pack away the intestines. I'll expose the uterus. Richard: Ok, call pediatrics. Bailey: Open the uterus with a midline vertical incision. Make sure you don't cut the fetus. Ok, go. Richard: Baby doesn't look good. How are we doing on the mother? Bailey: Oh, she's still bleeding pretty profusely. Hmm. I can't get it controlled. Richard: Burke? Burke: She's not coming back. Richard: Let's stop. Richard: Time of death, 19:48. (Addison enters the room) Addison: Chief? (Addison looks distraught, then she looks over to see Alex with the baby. The baby cries) (Bailey is standing there just looking at Melanie. Richard enters and stands with her.) (Marshall's room. Big Jim enters) Marshall. I am sorry. I am...I am so, so sorry. Please (Big Jim walks in looking like he is going to hurt Marshall but simply puts his hand on Marshall, they both cry. Marshall takes Jim's hand. George and Meredith share a look. Big Jim leaves.) (Izzie enters Denny's room. She pulls the door closed and all the blinds are closed. She starts taking off her shoes.) Denny: You're gonna get in trouble. Izzie: I don't care. Denny: I'm not going to cheer up for you. Izzie: You don't have to cheer up. I'm not here for me. (Izzie lays down on the bed with Denny) Izzie: I'm here for you. Ok? Denny: Ok. MVO: We're all damaged, it seems. (Cristina and Burke's apartment. She sits down at the table with him.) MVO: Some of us more than others. Burke: You must be tired. Cristina: Yeah. Burke: I'm tired too. (Noah is in the NICU with his baby.) MVO: We carry the damage with us from childhood. (Alex is looking into the NICU when Addison walks up.) MVO: Then, as grown-ups, we give as good as we get. Addison: Good work, Karev. Alex: Yeah. Kid's alive. Without a mother. (Meredith and George are sitting in the locker room) MVO: Ultimately, we all do damage. George: See you at home? Meredith: Yeah. George: Ok. See you. Meredith: Ok. MVO: And then...we set about the business of fixing...whatever we can. (Denny and Izzie are lying in bed.) Denny: Izzie? Izzie: Hmm? Denny: Would it be wrong for me to feel you up right now? Izzie: Hmm. Not so much. (They both laugh) Such a dirty boy. Denny: I know. Izzie: Hmm. (George and Callie are sitting in the basement, her apartment.) Callie: I washed my hands. I...I went down to the kitchen and I washed my hands. I didn't wash my hands in the bathroom because those girls were staring at me like I was a rodent or something. Like I was in high school and I was...having the naked dream, only it was actually happening. I didn't even know they were home. I washed my hands. You have to stand up for me. You have to say I washed my hands. George: I'm sorry. (Finn's apartment.) Finn: You're driving my crazy with the hovering. Meredith: This could be a mistake. This. Us. You're a really nice guy and...well...you...you don't want to get involved with me. If you knew me... Finn: Scary. Meredith: Finn. Finn: And damaged. See? I told you. Meredith: If you knew me? If you knew my family? If I told you the guys that I've slept with lately? The scary and damaged may actually be more than you can handle. Finn: My mother's dead. She got cancer when I was ten and she suffered for a really long time. And then she died. And my father never recovered. It's kind of like he died with her, except that his body's above ground and permanently placed in front of the TV with a bottle of Scotch in his lap. The last woman I slept with was my wife, but she died too. It was a car crash, so it was quick. She didn't suffer, which I appreciated. Don't worry. I'm thinking that my luck is beginning to change because I've met you. And you like dogs and you enjoy pony births, and you have the ability to save lives. I never said I wasn't scary and damaged too. (Meredith kisses him)
Plan: A: a car accident; Q: What is the family involved in? A: another hospital; Q: Where was the surgical intern from that caused the accident? A: The young pregnant wife; Q: Who dies in the car accident? A: massive injuries; Q: What does the young pregnant wife have? A: Alex; Q: Who performs a Caesarean section to save the baby? A: Meredith; Q: Who is Derek angry at after he sees her at the vet's? A: Cristina; Q: Who did Burke get angry at after she fell asleep during sex? A: the previous night; Q: When did Cristina fall asleep during sex? A: Callie; Q: Who does George not stand up for to his roommates? A: sight; Q: What is Denny angry about being stuck in bed with no end in what? Summary: A family is involved in a car accident caused by a surgical intern from another hospital. The young pregnant wife has massive injuries and eventually dies, though Alex performs a Caesarean section to save the baby. Derek is angry at Meredith after he sees her at the vet's. Burke is angry at Cristina after she fell asleep during sex the previous night. George does not stand up for Callie to his roommates and Denny is becoming angry at being stuck in bed with no end in sight.
Outside, JT is driving with Liberty when he pulls to a stop and holds up the keys Liberty: What now? I don't even have my beginners. JT: Oh come on my little speed demon. (Liberty is shown in the driver's seat.) JT: Okay so give her some gas. (The music starts blasting and Liberty hits the gas.) Liberty: My god, it's working. I'm driving! (Liberty is swerving around on the road and they come to a stop.) JT: You did fine. You did wonderful okay. Now we'll go celebrate. (He holds up a bunch of condoms.) Liberty: I've got to judge video announcements in 15 minutes. JT: Well believe me that's way more than enough time. (He leans in to kiss her and Liberty pulls away.) JT: Liberty. Liberty: Do we have to talk about this? JT: I just, I want to know if it's something I'm doing okay? Because ever since school's started you've been like an iceberg. Liberty: You know student counsel president comes with a lot of responsibility. Do you even know what that means? JT: Whatever you say your majesty. In Degrassi Mr. Simpson: Congratulations on your win madam president. Liberty: Thank you Mr. Simpson Toby: Okay we'll be ready to start auditions just as soon as our student council president arrives...with her man servant JT: Ha, ha. I'm actually here to audition. For I seek not only to inform, but to entertain as well. Liberty: You're auditioning? JT: Is there a problem with that? Liberty: I'm sorry, but early mornings, writing copy, being on time. Does that sound like JT Yorke to you? JT: Liberty this is kind of important to me. When that little light goes on, it's a rush. It draws me in. Liberty: Like a moth to a bug zapper. Are you sure becoming an entertainer is a responsible, mature career path? JT: What's that supposed to mean? Liberty: Nothing. Do what you want JT. JT: (Turns to Toby) I'll just see you in class. I'll audition tomorrow. In Ms. Kwan's class Spinner: B-. Yes! Ms. Kwan: Nice work Gavin. Keep it up and you might even pass this year. Darcy: Got any tips on how to get past Kwan's marking system? Spinner: Oh I got tips. Lots of tips and um... be happy to share them with you. Anytime, anyplace, any subject. Darcy: I've got a tip for you, the flirting: lame! Spinner: Okay so we'll trade. I'll help you with English, you help me flirt. Darcy: So you failed last year? Spinner: Yeah I had some problems. Darcy: What kind of problems? Spinner: Uh my dog got sick with leukemia. All his fur fell out, right around exams. I was just too broken up over Sparky... Darcy: Wow. Not only are you bad at flirting, but you suck at lying too. Ms. Kwan: Okay class let's begin. Gavin attention! In the boy's locker-room JT: Tobes! Wanna hang out tonight? Toby: Don't you have to rub Liberty's feet or something? Look it's just the way she talks to you. You gotta be the man JT. JT: Oh believe me Tobes. I have been the man okay. All summer long. Toby: You and Liberty have been... JT: Getting our freak on? Oh yeah dozens of time. She especially likes it when I... Toby: (singing) Oh Canada. Our home and native land. JT: Okay I'll stop. Toby: So why is she barking orders at you? JT: She just became student council president okay my virginal friend. She's stressed, so maybe all she needs is a little de-stressing. In the hallway Spinner: Jimmy, come on man. Will you just give me a chance? It's a whole new year. Jimmy: Look just 'cause they let you back, it does not change who you are. Spinner: But I have changed man. I have! (Jimmy rolls away and Darcy walks over.) Spinner: Listen I've got to tell you something okay? The truth. I was, I was expelled last year. Darcy: Okay that's a start. Why? Spinner: I got roped into something. Played a little prank on this guy and he went psycho. He came to school shooting... Darcy: I know all about it. I just didn't know you were involved. Spinner: Only in the most indirect way and I've more than paid for it, but people around here they, they won't even look at me. I'm persona non grata and it sucks. Darcy: Look a bunch of us are meeting up after school, room 208. Why don't you come, hang out. In the media immersion room Mr. Simpson: Hey I read your dance committee budget. On time, under budget. President Van Zandt shoots, she scores. The crowd goes wild! JT: Weirdo teacher overload. Diagnosis, Simpsonitis. Liberty: It's nothing. Minor headache. JT: I mean it's understandable. You're spinning a hundred plates at once. Hey uh maybe cirque du soleil's our area. Liberty: Don't waste your A material on me. JT: Okay. Just tell me one thing. What are you doing tonight? Liberty: Work, work and more work. JT: No you're not. You're gonna come with me and our friends to movie night. Liberty: But there's the budget and agendas to collate, memos to write... all of which can wait. JT: Okay. Cool. I'll pick you up. Liberty: JT you're really great. JT: I know. (He kisses her.) At the Friendship Club meeting, Spinner walks in confused Darcy: Everybody, this is Spinner. Spinner: Hi. Why are you guys all sitting in a circle? You should move those chairs. Darcy: It's Spinner's first time here so who wants to tell him the first rule of Friendship Club? Random girl: (Puts up her hand) Oh! Always talk about Friendship Club. Darcy: Right. Spread the word. Okay so since I've got the floor I guess I'll kick us off today. (They all hold hands as Spinner looks confused.) Everyone except Spinner: Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. At the movie theatre JT: Oh polyester's in this season. Paige: Twenty movie theatres in this city and everyone from Degrassi comes to this one. What? JT: I'll have uh one extreme corn bucket, double toppings. Um... a cola tub. Actually make that root beer please and uh two bendy straws. (JT kisses Liberty's cheek.) Manny: Enough with the PDA. Emma: Sorry guys, bus took forever. Liberty: Another advantage of dating JT, my man's got a car. JT: And my lady gets a ride whenever she wants. (JT and Toby move away from the girls.) JT: Actually I gave uh Liberty a really good driving lesson. She's uh, she's pretty handy with the old stick shift. Toby: Okay enough about you and Liberty's s*x life. JT: Uh hey good hustle Paige. Paige: Yeah that'll be about $400. Liberty: Maybe this will teach you to keep private matters, private! (She dumps the root beer into JT's pants.) Paige: Um you still have to pay for that. Outside, JT is driving and trying to talk to Liberty who is walking JT: I called, I e-mailed. If I give you a lift will you take that as an apology? (Liberty gets in the car and they start driving.) JT: Look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made those jokes to Toby about our s*x life. Liberty: You should never have told him about s*x life period. It was stupid. JT: I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. Liberty: Because you talk without thinking. You're immature. You're a clown. JT: You treat me like a kid. Okay you boss me around and you wouldn't even let me audition for the video announcements. You decide everything. Liberty: Grow up JT. JT: Respect me Liberty. Okay and then maybe we can make a decision together, for once! Liberty: We did. Last summer remember? When we decided to use the king sized condom. The one that slipped off. I'm pregnant. (JT looks at her shocked and crashes the car right into the bus stop outside Degrassi.) Liberty: JT! (JT steps out of the car shocked.) Outside the school, Liberty and JT are standing by the car when Ms. Hatzilakos rushes out JT: Oh my god. What are we gonna do?! Ms. Hatzilakos: Are you okay? Liberty: We're fine. A dog ran onto the road. JT swerved. He did everything he could. Ms. Hatzilakos: Well accidents will happen. Why don't you go inside? I'll talk to the police. I'm just glad you're okay. [SCENE_BREAK] In Mr. Simpson's class Mr. Simpson: So what draws us to some advertising and not to others? Is it the look, the hook or is it- (Everyone is watching Liberty and JT talk to the police.) Mr. Simpson: Okay peepers up front people. It's time to partner up. (JT and Liberty walk in.) Mr. Simpson: Liberty and JT. Nice of you to join us. JT: How long have you known?! Liberty: A while. JT: A while? What's a while? Days? Weeks? Liberty: Try months. Three. JT: Liberty! Liberty: I don't want to be pregnant. Okay morning after morning I wake up and guess what, I still am. JT: Well uh what about a...? Liberty: An abortion?! I don't even want to think about that, let alone talk about it. JT: Are you sure you're really pregnant? Liberty: Do you need proof?! Fine go buy a pregnancy test! JT: You haven't done that? Liberty: A woman just knows JT. There are vast multitude of science. Including frequent urination. (She stands up to go the washroom.) Liberty: Mr. Simpson. In the cafeteria, Spinner sits down and Darcy walks over to him Darcy: Is this seat taken? Spinner: No. Darcy: You were awfully splitsville last night. Didn't like the club? Spinner: It was Christian. Darcy: So? I joined a couple months ago. It's fun. Spinner: I guess I'm just not into the join hands group prayer, variety of fun. Darcy: Right, because that's all I do. Just because I'm Christian doesn't mean I won't cream you in laser tag. Spinner: Oh laser tag. What a party. Um what else do you do, weenie roasts? Darcy: I like horror movies, make fart jokes, watch the occasional ultimate fighting challenge. Spinner: You're allowed to do that? Darcy: Yes. I'm not in some cult Spinner. I do pretty much anything I want. Spinner: Um are you allowed to drink coffee? Like say tonight at the Dot? At the mall, JT walks into the pharmacy and over to the 'family planning' section (He picks up a pregnancy test and sees a man holding a baby. He walks over to the cashier who gives him a look when she sees the test. JT sees a sign for a job opening on the counter.) At Liberty's house Danny: She in there again? Get comfortable. Gonna be a while, probably all bonged up. JT: You are an ignorant little puke. You know nothing about Liberty okay? So just take my advice and get lost! Danny: Man. You have issues. (Danny leaves and Liberty walks out holding the test.) JT: It's positive? (She nods.) At Degrassi Toby: You missed it. Heather Sinclaire auditioned with a dangler. She had a booger hanging from her nose hair. You okay enough to do this? JT: Yeah it's mine. Toby: Alrighty. So um I'll point to you and that's when you start. JT: (On camera) Hello. I'm JT Yorke with your morning announcements. I...okay. Good morning. Congrats to our senior girls relay team who knocked up... (Liberty gives him a look.) JT: ...uh knocked off rival Carson Hill and are now guaranteed a birth um birth in...I'm gonna be sick. (JT runs out of the room and Liberty follows.) Toby: Okay. Uh next? Liberty: That went great. Just have to notify Heather Sinclaire she has the job. JT: I can do better okay? Liberty: I told you not to audition. Entertainment is not a practical career path for you. JT: Will you stop? Just stop trying to control me. Please. Liberty: Fine. I'll focus on controlling other things, like my vomiting. JT: Liberty we need to get you a doctor and get you checked out. Liberty: Actually I'll take care of that. Medical concerns, telling parents...all the practical details. JT: While I just stand around and watch? Outside Toby's house, Toby is playing with a remote control car JT: The Canyon Hopper XT. It's amazing it still works. Toby: Yeah. Found it at the end of the garage. Technically it's half yours. JT: Yeah well we sold a lot of golf balls. Tobes. Liberty's pregnant. (The car runs into the garbage knocking it over.) Toby: Wow. JT: Yeah. Toby: Okay. Okay. They have support groups right? And uh, you can talk to Ms. Sauve at school and tell your parents. JT: Actually there's a bigger problem. Toby: A bigger problem than Liberty being pregnant? JT: Yeah. Her. Liberty. Everything she used to like about me, she now hates. She treats me like crap Tobes. Toby: Talk to her. Tell her to quit it. JT: Doesn't work. Nothing works. What am I gonna do? At the Dot Darcy: Corner table. Nice. Spinner: Yeah it's one of the perks of working here. Darcy: Here. Made something for you. (She hands him a CD.) Spinner: Green Day. Missy E. Arcade Fire. Cool. Not what I expected. Darcy: Your turn. Tell me something about yourself that I wouldn't expect. Spinner: Alright this goes right in the vault alright? You know those little mister handsome contests? Darcy: Beauty pageants for boys. Spinner: You are looking at little mister handsome, age four through six. Darcy: What happened after six? Spinner: Got ugly I guess. (She laughs and Jimmy rolls over to them.) Jimmy: Just a heads up. You should be careful with this guy. He's dangerous you know. Spinner: Jimmy... Jimmy: He tends to get people shot. That's no good. I don't know what he told you, but I doubt it's the truth. In Degrassi JT: I'm gonna ask you this, can I do the morning announcements? Liberty: No. JT: Okay I'm gonna ask again. Liberty: JT we're not talking about this. JT: Liberty, if we can't talk about this, then how are we gonna deal with the fact that you're pregnant? Liberty: We're not, I am. JT: Good to know. Liberty: Just like you to make a joke. JT: That's what you used to like about me is that I made jokes. Liberty: Yeah well everything's changed. I don't have time for jokes. This is serious. I can't trust you to deal with this. JT: Fine. Then I can't deal with you. That's it Liberty. I'm done. Liberty: You're breaking up with me? Now? (JT keeps on walking as Liberty watches him upset.) Outside Degrassi Spinner: Look whatever you have to say I've heard it all before. Okay so you don't have to bother. Darcy: Why didn't you tell me the whole story? Spinner: Because Jimmy was my best friend. I basically cut his legs off. I don't like to broadcast that. Darcy: You didn't shoot him. Spinner: No, but I might as well have. It was totally my fault. I keep trying to talk to him, but- Darcy: You can't make Jimmy forgive you, especially if you haven't forgiven yourself. Spinner: Yeah I get it. Friendship club right? Blah, blah, blah. Darcy: No I'm talking about you, because I like you. Spinner: Here. If you still want to get to know me better. (He gives her a CD and they smile at each other.) At Liberty's locker JT: Liberty. I got a job at a drugstore. Liberty: You did? JT: So not only will I be able to share our costs, but when the baby comes I'll get a pretty good discount on diapers too. Liberty: Why'd you do that? JT: Because I want to help and it's the only way I know how and I didn't need your permission. That was a plus too. Liberty: We're not back together. JT: I know. I'm not gonna abandon you and I'm not gonna abandon this baby. Liberty: I've never, never needed help on anything. Scenes for next week Craig: (To the camera) I'm through with romance this year. No girls. None! (Manny and Ellie are shown split screen.) Voiceover: Get ready for a showdown. Two's company. Craig: Ellie's been incredible. Voiceover: Three's a crowd. Craig: Manny! Manny: I didn't want to interrupt. (Manny walks over to Ellie angry.) Manny: Did you just throw a drumstick at my head?!
Plan: A: J.T.; Q: Who is in love with Liberty until she reveals that she is four months pregnant? A: problems; Q: What does the couple experience when they learn that Liberty is pregnant? A: reality; Q: What sets in when J.T. and Liberty discover that Liberty is pregnant? A: Spinner; Q: Who is worried that Darcy will find out about J.T.'s involvement in the school shooting? Summary: J.T. is happily in love with Liberty until she reveals that she is four months pregnant. The couple experiences problems as reality begins to set in. Meanwhile, when they begin dating, Spinner grows worried that Darcy will find out about his involvement in the school shooting.
Scene: The apartment. Howard: All right, that's the last servo. Behold the Mobile Omnidirectional Neutralization and Termination Eradicator. Or... All: MONTE. Howard: Featuring one articulated razor-sharp killing saw, one polycarbonate grinding and flipping wheel, steel armour plate exoskeleton top and bottom, and enough horsepower to drive a 110 pounds of mechanized death from zero to holy crap in 4.8 seconds. Sheldon: Is it wrong to say I love our killer robot? Raj: As with my father, I both love and fear it. Howard: All right, enough chitchat, let's destroy something. Together (lifting): One, two, three, go. Raj: Okay. What shall be first to taste the wrath of Monte? Leonard: Maybe we should start small. Raj: Okay. Ooh, perhaps today is the day we finally find out what's inside the Magic Eight Ball. Sheldon: Did it when I was four. It's an icosahedral dye floating in tinted blue water. Raj: Man, call spoiler alert before you say things like that. Leonard: How about the toaster oven? Sheldon: What did the toaster oven ever do to you? Leonard: What did I ever do to Jimmy Mullins in the third grade? He still punched me in the face with my own fists. Sorry, you little nerd, you were just in the wrong boys' room at the wrong time. Howard: Gentlemen, goggles. Sheldon: Yeah, this is an auspicious moment. Yeah, like Robert Oppenheimer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event. Raj: How about "Die, toaster, die"? Leonard: That'll do it. Raj (after watching complete destruction of toaster oven): All right, what's next? Scene: The stairwell. Penny: No, I think I'm just going to stay in tonight and do laundry. (Monte bursts through boys door. Penny screams and runs down the stairs.) Credits sequence. Scene: Outside in stairwell Howard: Oh yeah, they still got the full Monte. Penny: Leonard? Leonard: Uh-huh? Penny: What the hell? Leonard: Killer robot. We built it. Penny: Yeah, well, it almost killed me. Sheldon: If it wanted to kill you, you'd be dead. Penny: So, who exactly does it want to kill? Sheldon: I'm sorry, are you unaware of the upcoming Southern California Robot Fighting League Round Robin Invitational? Penny: You know, since I moved last year, not all my mail has been forwarded. Howard: It's a big deal. There's an awards banquet and a dance afterward. Perhaps you'd like to come with me. I know the other fellas would be really excited to see a girl there. Penny: How is it supposed to be a dance if I'm the only girl? Howard: Well, that may be a slight exaggeration. You'd be the only doable girl. Penny: You're a pig, Howard. Howard: How is doable anything but a compliment? Leonard: Howard, why don't we just work on the robot? Howard: Please, Leonard, not now. Once again, Penny and I have begun our little tango. Penny: Our tango? Howard: The carnal repartee, the erotic to and fro. But as delicious as the appetizer might be, at some point we will have to succumb and eat the entree while it's still... hot. Leonard: I'm begging you, stop talking. Penny: Look, normally I can just ignore you. I mean, I get it, you're a little peculiar. You know, like Sheldon. Sheldon: Yeah, excuse me, Penny, but in this room, you're the one who's peculiar. Penny: Yeah, you might be right. But back to you. I know you think you're some sort of smooth-talking ladies' man, but the truth is, you are just pathetic and creepy. Howard: Um, so what are you saying? Penny: I am saying it is not a compliment to call me doable. It's not sexy to stare at my ass and say, "Ooh, it must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that." And most important, we are not dancing a tango, we're not to'ing and fro'ing. Nothing is ever going to happen between us. Ever. Howard: Wait a minute. This isn't flirting, you're serious. Penny: Flirting? You think I'm flirting with you? I am not flirting with you, no woman is ever gonna flirt with you, you're just gonna grow old and die alone. Howard: Thanks for the heads up. Leonard: Howard, where you going? Howard: I'm going home to live my creepy, pathetic life. Leonard: Wow. Penny: Well, someone had to say it. (Raj whispers in Leonard's ear) What? Leonard: He said maybe we should enter you in the killer robot competition. Scene: Howard's bedroom. Howard's Mother (voice): Howard, the phone is ringing! Howard: Here's a crazy idea, Ma, answer it! Howard's Mother (voice): Hello? All right, hold on. It's your friend, Leonard! He wants to know why you're not at school today! Howard: I don't go to school, Ma. I work at a university. Howard's Mother (voice): That's a school! Now pick up the phone! Howard: I don't want to talk to anybody. Howard's Mother (voice): Should I ask Leonard to bring over your homework?! Howard: I don't have homework. I'm a grown man with a master's degree in engineering! Howard's Mother (voice): Excuse me, Mr. Fancy-Pants. Want me to get you a Popsicle? Howard: Cherry, please! Howard's Mother (voice): I ate the cherry. All that's left is green. Howard: You make me want to kill myself. Scene: The university cafeteria. Other end of the phone call. Raj: What's going on? Leonard: I don't know, now they're just yelling about Popsicles. Sounds like Penny really got to him. Raj: I'm not surprised. Despite his hard and crusty shell, Howard is a very sensitive man. Do you know he writes poetry? Mostly about men from Nantucket and hermits named Dave, but he does it with real sensitivity. Kripke (arriving): Hey, Hofstadter. Word around the pwasma wab is you built a wobot? Leonard: Yes, we did, Kripke. Sheldon: His name is Monte. Kripke: Well, if you have any dewusions about entewing him against my wobot, the Kwipke Kwippler in the Southern California Wobot Fighting League Wound Wobin Invitational, aka the S.C.aw.F.L.aw.aw.I., his name is gonna be Swrap Metal. Leonard: Come on, is that really necessary? Sheldon: Leonard, I believe it is. This is trash talk, and trash talk is a traditional component in all sporting events. Kripke, your robot is inferior and it will be defeated by ours because ours exceeds yours in both design and execution. Also, I'm given to understand that your mother is overweight. Raj: Oh, snap. Sheldon: Now, of course, if that is the result of a glandular condition and not sloth and gluttony, I withdraw that comment. Raj: What difference does it make? Fat is fat. Sheldon: There are boundaries. Kripke: Tell you what, forget the S.C.aw.F.L.aw.aw.I., let's settle this woboto a woboto. Sheldon: What do you mean? Kripke: There's no guawantee we've gotta go against each other in the Wound Wobin, so let's thwow down. You know, unless you're afwaid. Sheldon: We accept your challenge. Name a time and place. Kripke: Tomowow, thwee o'clock, the kinetics wab. Sheldon: Make it so. Leonard: No, don't make it so. Barry, we can't fight you tomorrow, our engineer is incapacitated. Kripke: What's wrong with him? Raj: He's depressed because he's pathetic and creepy and he can't get girls. Kripke: We're all pathetic and cweepy and can't get girls, that's why we fight wobots. If you're not there, you'll be exposed to widicule. Raj: I'm curious, what part of America is that accent from? Scene: Outside Penny's door. Penny: Hey. Leonard: Hey, you got a minute? Penny: Yeah, come on in. What's up? Leonard: I need you to apologize to How... Penny: Get out. Leonard: Come on. Wolowitz won't come out of his house and we need him for a robot battle. Penny: Well, then have the robot go and get him. Leonard: The robot didn't hurt his feelings. Penny: His feelings needed to be hurt. Leonard: He's been in bed for two days. Penny: Yeah, probably with a blow-up doll. Leonard: He's not with a... does it really matter who or what he's with? The guy is devastated. Penny: Oh, please, how could I possibly devastate Howard? Leonard: Okay, don't take this as a criticism, but you kind of have that overexposed-to-gamma-rays thing going on. Penny: What does that mean? Leonard: You know, like, most of the time, you're the easygoing Bruce Banner, but then, when you get angry, you kind of turn into, like, you know, grrrrr! Penny: I turn into a bear? Leonard: Seriously? Gamma rays? Bruce Banner? You didn't get The Incredible Hulk from that? Never mind, just, please go talk to him. Penny: And say what? That I didn't mean it, because I meant it. Leonard: Well, maybe you can go at it from a different angle, like, um, you see a glimmer of goodness in him and you only said what you said because you want to nurture it and make it shine. Penny: Oh, pthththth. Leonard: Okay, let's try it this way. Remember the day that we first met and you asked me to go to your boyfriend's apartment to get your TV back and he was nine feet tall and he took my pants off and you said... what was that? What did you say? Oh, yes, you said you owed me one. Penny: Okay, come on, that's not fair. Leonard: I came home with no pants. Penny: Fine, I'll go over there tomorrow. Leonard: Thank you. I should probably give you a heads up about his mother. Penny: What about her? Leonard: She's a delightful woman. You'll love her. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Howard's bedroom. Howard's Mother (voice): Howard, there's a blonde girl, Patsy, here to see you! Howard: Who? Howard's Mother (voice): Okay, now she's saying it's Penny. Howard: I don't want to talk to her. Penny (entering): Hey. Howard: Ma! Howard's Mother (voice): She ran past me. Was I supposed to tackle her? Penny: So, I just came by to see how you were doing. Howard: I'm fine. Penny: Good. Your mom seems nice. Howard: People move away from her on the bus. What do you want? Penny: Okay, look. Howard, I just want to apologize for some things that I have said. About you. I've been informed that you have feelings. And apparently, I have hurt them. So, I'm sorry. Howard. Howard: Fine, you're sorry. Good-bye. Penny: So, you're okay? Howard: Hey, I'm a big boy. I'm not traumatized by some random comment from some random woman. I mean, get over yourself. Penny: Okay. Well, bye. (Penny leaves room. Sound of Howard crying through door.) So close (goes back in.) Scene: The apartment. The guys are watching footage on a laptop screen. Leonard: Oh, my God. That's Kripke's robot? Kripke (voice): As you can see, the Kwippler is weducing the Chevy Cavawier to wubble. Raj: I can't watch anymore. Leonard: Sheldon, we have to call it off. Sheldon: We don't have that option, we've accepted the challenge. We can't run away from a fight. Leonard: Oh, please, we've spent our whole lives running away from fights. Personally, I can squeeze through a hole in a fence half my size. Sheldon: Impressive as that may be, Monte is not us. Monte has no fear. Raj: Sheldon, did we all not just watch the same video? Kripke's robot just had angry s*x with a mid-sized automobile. Sheldon: You are overlooking the fact that we now know what we're up against and we can modify Monte so that he's prepared. Leonard: You want to prepare him? Install a bladder and a pair of shorts so he can wet himself. Raj: Excuse me, but how are we going to make any modifications without Wolowitz? Have you heard from Penny yet? Leonard: Not yet. Sheldon: Have faith, gentlemen. We don't need Wolowitz, engineering is merely the slow younger brother of physics. Watch and learn. Do either of you know how to open the toolbox? Scene: Howard's bedroom. Howard: And then, when I was 14, I met Marcy Grossman. She was so beautiful. She just got her braces off but they left a little of the overbite. It was so hot, like a sexy little chipmunk. I didn't have the courage to ask her out, but I dedicated a song to her at the ninth grade talent show. Penny: Aw, that sounds sweet. Howard: Marcy Grossman is sunshine, on a cloudy day, when it's cold outside, Marcy Grossman is the month of May... Penny: Oh, it's cute. Howard: I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way, Marcy Grossman, Marcy Grossman, Marcy Grossman, Talkin' 'bout Marcy... Penny: That's great. Howard: Grossman. Penny: Oh, it's fun. Howard: And then she came up with that sexy little chipmunk mouth and spit in my hair. Which brings us to tenth grade. Penny: Howard, do you think maybe sometimes you try too hard? Howard: Look at me. What chance do I have if I don't try too hard? Penny: Well, you'd have a terrific chance. I mean, you're smart, you're funny, you have a cool job. You build stuff that goes into outer space. Howard: I guess. Penny: Look, I'm telling you, I've known you for, like, a year and a half and this is the first time I feel like I'm talking to a real person. And you know what? I like him, he's a nice guy. Howard: You really think so? Penny: Yes. Howard: I don't know. Penny: I do. (Howard tries to kiss her. She punches him.) Scene: The lab. Leonard: Nice little bot you've got here. Kripke: I'm aware. Leonard: What's this do, spin? Kripke: Yep. At 3400 RPM. It can cut through steel like it was wubber. Leonard: Neat. Good work. Sheldon, we've got to call this off. Sheldon: No, Leonard. For years, merciless thugs like Kripke have made my life a series of painful noogies and humiliating wedgies and the insensitively named Indian burns. That stops now. Raj: But, Sheldon, we don't have a chance. The only improvement you were able to make on the robot was to put fresh batteries in the remote. Sheldon: What you fail to realize is Kripke suffers from a fatal flaw, overconfidence from his robot's massive size and its overwhelming power. Raj: That's not overconfidence, that's observation. Sheldon: Trust me, Kripke will fall easy prey to my psychological warfare. Observe. Kripke! I would ask if your robot is prepared to meet its maker, but as you are its maker, clearly the two of you have met. Kripke: What is his pwoblem? Raj: Way to bust out the Jedi mind tricks, dude. Leonard: I just want to make sure that we're all clear, standard robotic fighting league rules apply. Kripke: Are you cwazy? This is a stweet fight, the stweet has no rules. Sheldon: He's right, Leonard. The paradigm is to the death. Kripke: I will, however, give you the opportunity to concede my supewiowity now and offer me your wobot as the spoils of war. Sheldon: Never. I'd rather see Monte dead than in your hands. Kripke: That could be easily awanged. Weady, set, go? Sheldon: Do it. Kripke: Alwight then. Weady. Set. Go. Raj: Come on, Sheldon, you got this. Sheldon: Indeed. We are prepared for anything he can throw at us. (A flame begins to jet out of Kripke's robot.) That's new. Leonard: Run, Monte, run! Raj: Go, Monte! Go Monte! Leonard: Go, go, go, go! Sheldon: Don't hurt us, don't hurt us, Scene: The apartment. Monte is in pieces on the table. Leonard: Well, so much for making up for the emotional wounds of childhood. Sheldon: I did this. Monte was killed by my hubris and my pride. No matter what anybody says, this is my fault. Raj: No one's arguing with you, dude. Howard (arriving): I got your text. How bad is... Oy. Leonard: Forget the robot. What happened to you? Penny: He slipped and fell. Howard: Yes, I slipped and fell. In the bathroom. Bounced right off the tub. Penny: Yes, now he knows what bathtubs are capable of doing when you don't treat them with respect. Howard: Yeah. They sucker punch you when your eyes are closed. Sheldon: So what do you think, Howard? It's not that bad, right? Howard: Oh, no. A little electrical tape, some solder. Are you insane? I've seen space probes that crashed into the desert that were in better shape than this. Sheldon: You're right. Monte's gone. We'll bury him in the morning. A simple ceremony. I'll speak. Leonard, you'll play your cello. Penny: Sheldon, honey, aren't you getting a little carried away? I mean, it's just a toy robot. Sheldon: Just a toy robot? Leonard: Penny. Penny: I know, I got it. Sheldon, I'm sorry. Howard: Well, don't get the wrong idea. The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity s*x.
Plan: A: a combat robot; Q: What does Howard design for the Southern California Robot Fighting League Round Robin Invitational? A: M.O.N.T.E.; Q: What is the name of the robot that Howard designs? A: Mobile Omnidirectional Neutralization and Termination Eradicator; Q: What does M.O.N.T.E. stand for? A: the "Southern California Robot Fighting League Round Robin Invitational; Q: What competition does the team plan to enter? A: the apartment; Q: Where does Penny arrive when Howard begins to flirt with her? A: friends; Q: What does Howard refuse to go to work or meet? A: Leonard; Q: Who persuaded Penny to go to Howard's house and apologize? A: heart; Q: What part of Howard does Penny say he is a good guy at? A: girls; Q: What does Penny tell Howard he tries too hard to get? A: a punch; Q: How does Penny break Howard's nose? A: his nose; Q: What does Penny break when she tries to kiss Howard? A: pity sex; Q: What does Howard feel he is halfway to after Penny breaks his nose? A: the guys' co-worker Barry Kripke; Q: Who challenges Sheldon and the guys to a one-on-one robot fight? A: Sheldon; Q: Who refuses to concede defeat to Kripke's robot? A: one; Q: How many robots do Sheldon and Leonard have to fight against? A: engineer; Q: What is Howard's profession? Summary: Howard designs a combat robot, M.O.N.T.E. (Mobile Omnidirectional Neutralization and Termination Eradicator) for the "Southern California Robot Fighting League Round Robin Invitational", which the guys plan to enter. When Penny arrives at the apartment, Howard begins to flirt with her but pushes it too far, and she furiously lashes out at him with some uncomfortable home truths. Hurt and depressed, Howard returns home and remains in his room, refusing to go to work or meet friends. Leonard persuades Penny to go to Howard's house and apologize. Howard tells Penny about all his failed romances, and she consoles him by saying that he is a good guy at heart and he just tries too hard to get girls. He thereupon tries to kiss Penny, who intercepts him with a punch that breaks his nose. Howard is left happy, feeling he is halfway to 'pity sex'. Meanwhile, the guys' co-worker Barry Kripke, who is also entering the competition, challenges Sheldon and the guys to a one-on-one fight between their robots. Sheldon accepts, but Kripke's robot turns out to be far superior to M.O.N.T.E. and, with engineer Howard indisposed, Barry can easily win. Sheldon refuses to concede defeat, and M.O.N.T.E. is destroyed by Kripke's robot.
Arial shot of New York City, jazz music playing. Pan down to street level in front of a theatre with "NEW YORK REVUE" on the marquee. Backstage, a chorus girl walks along a corridor. INT. THEATRE CORRIDOR CHORUS GIRL 1: 2 minutes to curtain up! STAGE MANAGER: 2 minutes to curtain up! CHORUS GIRL 1: Where's Tallulah? CHORUS GIRL 2: Where do you think? (Knocks on star's dressing room door). Hey, Tallulah, leave him alone! Proceeds to stage. Tallulah's dressing room, a platinum blonde, is kissing a young man. TALLULAH: It's nearly showtime, Lazlo. I gotta go. LASZLO: Just promise me you'll come on Sunday, OK? My mother will kill me if she doesn't get to meet you. TALLULAH: What if she doesn't like me? LASZLO: Tallulah, she'll love you just as much as I do. TALLULAH: Oh, you say the sweetest things! LASZLO: It's true. Now, promise me, sunday, you'll come. TALLULAH: I promise. Cross my heart. LASZLO: Oh, uh, here. (Gives her a white rose). Wear it on stage and think of me. Tallulah slips it into the strap of her costume. There's a knock on the door. WOMAN: Tallulah! TALLULAH (yells): I'm comin'! Quit yellin'! (Turns back to Lazlo). How do I look? Spins around in skimpy silver sequin dress with angel wings. LASZLO: Like an angel. Tallulah kisses him again and leaves the room. At the base of the stairs she turns and blows him a kiss. TALLULAH: Wish me luck, Lazlo! LASZLO: Break a leg, sweetheart. Tallulah goes upstairs and Lazlo goes back into the dressing room. A weird figure passes by the doorway and Lazlo hears something. LASZLO: Tallulah? Lazlo looks down the hallway but it's empty. He sees movement by the prop room and goes inside to look. LASZLO: Hello? Lazlo hears a strange growling. The prop room door slams shut and the growling gets louder. LASZLO: Who's there? Who are you? Lazlo lights a match at looks around only to be startled by a statue. When the match goes out, he is attacked by a pig creature. OPENING CREDITS The TARDIS materializes in front of a white stone wall and Martha steps out first followed by the Doctor. MARTHA: Where are we? DOCTOR: Ah, smell that Atlantic breeze. Nice and cold. Lovely. Martha, have you met my friend? They look up to see the Statue of Liberty. MARTHA: Is that...? Oh my God! That's the Statue of Liberty! DOCTOR: Gateway to the New World. "Give me you tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to break free..." MARTHA: That's so brilliant. I've always wanted to go to New York. I mean the real New York, not the new, new, new, new, new... They walk to the edge of the island with a view of the Manhattan skyline. DOCTOR: Well, there's the genuine article. So good, they named it twice. Mind you, it was New Amsterdam originally. Harder to say twice. Now wonder it didn't catch on. New Amsterdam, New Amsterdam. MARTHA: I wonder what year it is 'cause look, the Empire State Building's not even finished yet. DOCTOR: Work in progress. Still got a couple floors to go, and if I know my history, that makes the date somewhere around... MARTHA (reads off newspaper): November 1, 1930. DOCTOR: You're getting good at this. MARTHA: Eighty years ago. (The Doctor takes the paper). It's funny 'cause you see all those old newsreels in black and white like it's so far away, but here we are. It's real. It's now. (Laughs then looks at the Doctor). Come on, you. Where do we go first? DOCTOR (shows her the headline): I think our detour just got longer. MARTHA (reading): "Hooverville Mystery Deepens". What's Hooverville? Arial shot of Manhattan showing Central Park. "Putting on the Ritz" plays. The Doctor and Martha stroll through the park. DOCTOR: Herbert Hoover, 31st President of the USA, came to power a year ago. Up till then New York was a boom town, the Roaring Twenties, and then... MARTHA: The Wall Street Crash, yeah? When was that, 1929? DOCTOR: Yeah. Whole economy wiped out overnight. Thousands of people unemployed. Suddenly the huddled masses doubled in number with nowhere to go. So they ended up here in Central Park. MARTHA: What? They actually live in the park? In the middle of the city? They arrive at Hooverville; a collection of quickly put together shacks and tents with random fire barrels placed throughout. DOCTOR: Ordinary people. Lost their jobs. Couldn't pay the rent and they lost everything. There are places like this all over America. You only come to Hooverville when there's nowhere else to go. We hear shouting from another part of Hooverville. Two men are fighting. MAN 1: You thievin' lowlife! Punches Man 2. Two other men try to break up the fight. MAN 1: Loaf! MAN 2: I didn't touch it! An older man, Solomon, steps out of his tent and tried to stop the fight. SOLOMON: Cut that out! The two men ignore Solomon and keep fighting. SOLOMON: Cut that out! Right now! Pushes the two men apart. MAN 1: He stole my bread! SOLOMON: That's enough! (Looks at Man 2). Did you take it? MAN 2: I don't know what happened. He just went crazy. Man 1 lunges at 2 but is held back. SOLOMON: That's enough! Other residents of Hooverville wander over to see what's going on. The Doctor and Martha are with them. SOLOMON: Now think real careful before you lie to me. MAN 2: I'm starvin', Solomon. Solomon holds out his hand and Man 2 reaches under his coat and pulls out the bread, handing it over to Solomon. SOLOMON: We're all starvin'. (He breaks the bread in half). We all got families somewhere. (He hands each man a half). No stealin' and no fightin'. You know the rules. Thirteen years ago I fought in the Great War. A lot of us did. And the only reason we got through was because we stuck together! No matter how bad things get, we still act like human beings. It's all we got. The men go their own way. DOCTOR (to Martha): Come on. (to Solomon): I suppose that makes you the boss around here. SOLOMON: And, uh, who might you be? MARTHA: He's the Doctor. I'm Martha. SOLOMON: A doctor. (scoffs). Well, we got, uh, stockbrokers, we got a lawyer, but you're the first doctor. Neighbourhood gets classier by the day. Warms his hands over a fire. MARTHA: How many people live here? SOLOMON: At any one time, hundreds. No place else to go. But I will say this about Hooverville. We are a truly equal society, black, white, all the same. All starving. (Laughs) So you're welcome. Both of you. But tell me, Doctor, you're a man of learning, right? Explain this to me. (Points to Empire State Building). That there's going to be the tallest building in the world. How come they can do that, and we got people starving in the heart of Manhattan? [b]HIGH UP ON THE BUILDING [/b] Two construction workers are out on the girders. MAN 1: Right, no more! MAN 2: There you go. Hoist! [b]INSIDE AN UNFINISHED SECTION OF THE 100TH FLOOR[/b] The site foreman is arguing with Mr Diagoras, a man with slicked-back hair, dark pinstriped suit, and spats, who is looking over the building plans. FOREMAN: I'm tellin' ya, the men won't stand for it! I mean, are you outta your mind? I've got 500 men working seven days a week flat out, and you want us to go faster? DIAGORAS: The new masters demand it. FOREMAN: But we're on schedule! What's the problem? DIAGORAS: The mast on this building needs extra work completed by tonight. FOREMAN: Tonight? No way. It's impossible! DIAGORAS: That's an order. FOREMAN: Yeah? Well, one word from me and every man on this site stops working. So go on. Tell your masters that. DIAGORAS: If that's your attitude, I think that you should tell them yourself. Walks towards lift. FOREMAN: Yeah, well, I ain't afraid of no man in a suit. Diagoras presses the call button for the lift. FOREMAN: These new bosses? What's their names? DIAGORAS: I guess you could say they're from outta town. FOREMAN: Italians? DIAGORAS: A bit further than that. FOREMAN: How much further? DIAGORAS: Beyond your imagination. FOREMAN: What's that supposed to mean? Who are they? Mr. Diagoras, who're we working for? Diagoras walks away from the lift to stand beside the foreman. DIAGORAS: Behold your masters. The lift bell dings and the doors slide open to reveal a Dalek flanked by two pigmen. FOREMAN: What the hell? DALEK: I have been summoned. Explain. Explain. FOREMAN (backs away): It can talk. How does it talk? And what the hell are they? DIAGORAS: I'm sorry, my lord, but this man is refusing to complete the work. DALEK: Then we must replace him. FOREMAN: Is anybody gonna tell me what the hell is happening here? DALEK: Use him. Take him for the Final Experiment. The pigmen move forward and grab the foreman by the arms. FOREMAN: Hey, what's goin' on? Let go! Let go of me! (Struggles as they take him to the lift). Get off me, ya freaks! Mr. Diagoras, will you tell 'em? Listen..; The doors of the lift close. DALEK: The Empire State Building must be completed in time. DIAGORAS: It will be. Trust me. Labour is cheap and that man can be replaced. DALEK: The plan must not fail. The gamma strike has accelerated. We need more bodies immediately. DIAGORAS: Yes, Master. HOOVERVILLE Solomon throws coffee dregs onto the fire as the Doctor and Martha approach. DOCTOR: So... men are going missing. Is this true? Holds up newspaper. SOLOMON (takes newspaper): It's true all right. Goes inside his tent. DOCTOR (stands at opening of tent): But what does missing mean? Men must come and go here all the time. It's not like anyone's keeping a register. SOLOMON (sits) C'mon in. (The Doctor and Martha enter and sit). This is different. MARTHA: In what way? SOLOMON: Someone takes them. At night. We hear something. Someone calls out for help. By the time we get there, they're gone. Like they vanish into thin air. DOCTOR: And you're sure someone's taking them? SOLOMON: Doctor, when you got next to nothing, you hold on to the little you got. Your knife, blanket, you take it with you. You don't leave bread uneaten, fire still burning. MARTHA: Have you been to the police? SOLOMON: Yeah, we tried that. Another deadbeat goes missing, big deal. DOCTOR: So, the question is, who's taking them and what for? Frank, a young man, sticks his head inside the tent. FRANK: Solomon, Mr. Diagoras is here. They walk outside to where Diagoras is talking to the men of Hooverville. DIAGORAS: I need men. Volunteers. I got a little work for you and you sure look like you can use the money. FRANK: Yeah. What is the money? DIAGORAS: A dollar a day. The men grumble. SOLOMON: What's the work? DIAGORAS: A little trip down the sewers. Got a tunnel that collapsed needs clearing and fixing. Any takers? SOLOMON: A dollar a day? That's slave wage. Men don't always come back up, do they? DIAGORAS: Accidents happen. DOCTOR: What do you mean? What sort of accidents? DIAGORAS: You don't need the work? That's fine. Anybody else? (The Doctor raises his hand). Enough with the questions. DOCTOR: Oh, n-n-no. I'm volunteering. MARTHA (raises her hand and looks at the Doctor): I'll kill you for this. Solomon and Frank raise their hands as well. DOWN IN THE SEWERS DIAGORAS: Turn left. Go about half a mile. Follow Tunnel 273. Fall's right ahead of you. You can't miss it. FRANK: And when do we get our dollar? DIAGORAS: When you come back up. DOCTOR: And if we don't come back up? DIAGORAS: Then I got no one to pay. SOLOMON: We'll be back. MARTHA: Let's hope so. The others start down the tunnel. The Doctor just stares at Diagoras before turning and joining them. FRANK: We just gotta stick together. It's easy to get lost. It's like a huge rabbit warren. You could hide an army down here. MARTHA: So what about you, Frank? You're not from around these parts, are you? FRANK: Oh, you could talk. No, no, I'm from Tennessee, born and bred. MARTHA: So how come you're here? FRANK:: Uh, my daddy died. Mama... couldn't afford to feed us all. So, I'm the oldest, up to me to feed myself, so put on my coat, hitched up here on the railroads. There's a whole lot of runaways in camp younger than me. From all over; Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas... Solomon keeps a lookout for us. So, what about you? You're a long way from home. MARTHA: Yeah, I'm just a hitcher too. FRANK: You stick with me, you'll be all right. DOCTOR: So this Diagoras bloke, who is he then? SOLOMON: A couple of months ago, he was just another foreman. Now it seems like he's running most of Manhattan. DOCTOR:: How did he manage that, then? SOLOMON: These are strange times. A man can go from being King of the Hill to the lowest of the low overnight. It's just for some folks it works the other way 'round. DOCTOR: Whoa! A blob is lying on the ground giving off a sick green light. MARTHA (comes forward): Is it radioactive or something? The Doctor sets down his torch and crouches beside it. MARTHA (covers her nose and mouth): It's gone off, whatever it is. The Doctor slips on his glasses and carefully picks up the slimy blob. MARTHA: And you've got to pick it up. DOCTOR (sniffs it): Shine your torch through it. (She does). Composite organic matter. Martha? Medical opinion? MARTHA: It's not human. I know that. Solomon and Frank look on, puzzled. DOCTOR: No, it's not. And I'll tell you something else. We must be at least half a mile in and I don't see any sign of a collapse, do you? So why did Mr Diagoras send up down here? MARTHA: So where are we now? What's above us? DOCTOR: Well... we're right underneath Manhattan. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING A small group of workers have gathered in Diagoras' office. DIAGORAS: And here, the crowning glory of the Empire State Building, the mast itself. 1472 feet above New York. FOREMAN 2: It's a beautiful thing, sir, and every single one of us is proud of it. My wife says it's like a... like a spire reaching into Heaven. DIAGORAS: Except the Gates of Heaven need a little decoration. These plates have got to be fixed to the mast, right to the base itself. FOREMAN 2: That's okay. That's not too bad. Shouldn't take too long. DIAGORAS: But the work has got to be finished tonight. FOREMAN 2: What? Are you trying to kill us? We're flat out up here! C'mon! DIAGORAS: Don't argue with me! FOREMAN 2: But sir, a man can't work up there at night. It's freezing. Your hands go numb, you lose your grip, you fall. DIAGORAS: You don't get it. If you won't work... I can replace you like that! Snaps his fingers. After a stare-down the foreman gives in. DIAGORAS: Now take those panels and get going. One of the men walks forward and picks up one of the panels. It's heavier than he expected. MAN 1: What sort of metal is this anyway? DIAGORAS: Don't ask questions, just go! The men take a panel each and file out of the room. DIAGORAS: And I don't care how cold it is, how tired you are, just get out there and finish the job! After the men leave, a Dalek exits the lift. DALEK: The conductor must be complete for our plan to succeed. DIAGORAS: Unemployment is such an incentive. It'll get done, don't worry. They move to an exposed section of the floor overlooking the city. DALEK: Daleks have no concept of worry. DIAGORAS: Yeah? Well lucky you. DALEK: This day is ending. Humankind is weak. You shelter from the dark. And yet, you have built all this. DIAGORAS: That's progress. Ya gotta move with the times or you get left behind. DALEK: My planet is gone, destroyed in a great war, yet versions of this city strand throughout history. The human race always continues. DIAGORAS: We've had wars. I've been a soldier myself. I swore then I'd survive, no matter what. DALEK: You have rare ambition. DIAGORAS: I'm gonna run this city, whatever it takes, by any means necessary. DALEK: You think like a Dalek. DIAGORAS: I'll take that as a compliment. DALEK LAB Dalek Sec and two other Daleks are watching this exchange on-screen. DALEK SEC: This human is our best option. Bring him to me. FLOOR 100 DALEK: Your loyalty will be rewarded. Come with me. Heads toward the lift. DALEK LABORATORY DALEK SEC: Prepare the laboratory. The Final Experiment will begin. DALEK 2: We obey. IN THE LIFT DIAGORAS: Where are we going? DALEK: You have been summoned by our leader. DIAGORAS: Oh, and about time too. The lift doors open and Diagoras steps out into the lab with is filled with Dalek machinery. He slips on a pair of black leather gloves as he walks further into the room. Pig Men watch from the sidelines. Dalek Sec is waiting. DALEK 1: I bring you the human. DIAGORAS: I take it... you're in charge? DALEK SEC: Correct. I am Dalek Sec, leader of the Cult of Skaro. DIAGORAS: Then, my lord Sec, I am honoured to meet you. Ever since you first made contact with me, transmitting your thoughts into the corners of my mind, tempting me with such images, such ideas... Oh, sir, I'd always dreamt that the... DALEK SEC: Cease talking! DIAGORAS: I just wanna let you know how grateful I am. DALEK SEC: I said cease. Slaves, secure the human. DIAGORAS: But you don't need to do that. I'm on your side. (The pig slaves take him). I'm working with you! I'm your partner! SEWERS SOLOMON: We're way beyond half a mile. There's no collapse, nothing. MARTHA: That Diagoras bloke, was he lying? DOCTOR: Looks like it. FRANK: So why did he want people to come down here? DOCTOR: Solomon, I think it's time you took these two back. I'll be much quicker on my own. They hear squealing echo in the tunnels. SOLOMON: What the hell was that? FRANK: Hello?! MARTHA: Shh. SOLOMON: Frank. FRANK: What if it's one of the folk gone missing? You'd be scared, half-mad down here on your own. DOCTOR: Do you think they're still alive? FRANK: Heck, we ain't seen no bodies down here. Maybe they just got lost. They hear more squealing. SOLOMON: I know I never heard nobody make a sound like that. The Doctor walks a little ahead of them. FRANK: Sounds like there's more than one of 'em. DOCTOR: This way. SOLOMON (shining his light down another tunnel): No, that way. The light of Solomon's torch catches a huddled figure on the ground. MARTHA (looking back at him): Doctor... The Doctor rejoins them. SOLOMON: Who are you? FRANK: Are you lost? Can you understand me? I've been thinkin' about folk lost... He starts to walk forward but the Doctor stops him. DOCTOR: It's all right, Frank. Just stay back. Let me have a look. (Walks toward the figure). He's got a point, though, my mate Frank. I'd hate to be stuck down here on my own. (Creature squeals). We know the way out. Daylight. If you want to come with us. (Squats and shines a light on the pig man's face). Oh, but what are you? SOLOMON: Is, uh, that some kind of carnival mask? DOCTOR: No, it's real. (To the pig man): I'm sorry. Now listen to me. I promise I can help. (Shadows fall on the wall but he doesn't notice them). Now, who did this to you? MARTHA: Doctor, I think you'd better get back here. More pig men have filled the opposite end of the tunnel. MARTHA: Doctor! DOCTOR (stands) Actually... good point. Backs up towards the others. MARTHA: They're following you. DOCTOR: Yeah, I noticed that, thanks. (Reaches them). Well then, Martha, Frank, Solomon... MARTHA: What? DOCTOR: Um, basically... run! They race down the tunnel to a cross-section where Martha stops in confusion. MARTHA: Where are we going?! DOCTOR: This way! Turns right. The pig men keep chasing. The Doctor stops at the mouth of a joining tunnel. DOCTOR: There's a ladder! The Doctor climbs the ladder and uses the sonic screwdriver on the lid. Martha follows. Solomon hesitates when he sees Frank pick up a metal rod to try and hold them off. SOLOMON: Frank! He climbs the ladder. Seeing that the others are safe, Frank runs for the ladder and starts climbing. The Doctor and Solomon reach down their hands. SOLOMON: C'mon, Frank! C'mon! DOCTOR: I've got ya. C'mo! The pig men pull Frank out of their grasp and down into the sewer. SOLOMON: Frank! DOCTOR: No! Solomon shoves the Doctor aside and closes the lid before one of the pig men limbs up. SOLOMON: We can't go after him. DOCTOR: We gotta go back down! We can't just leave him! SOLOMON: No, I'm not losing anybody else! Those creatures were from Hell! From Hell itself! Someone is walking towards them with a gun. SOLOMON: If we go after them, they'll take us all! There's nothing we can do. I'm sorry. Tallulah steps out from behind a shelf in the prop room, a gun pointed at them. TALLULAH: All right then. Put 'em up. Martha puts her hands up. TALLULAH (cocks the gun): Hands in the air and no funny business. The Doctor and Solomon put their hands up. TALLULAH: Now tell me, you schmucks, what've you done with Laszlo? MARTHA: Uh, who's Lazlo? TALLULAH'S DRESSING ROOM Tallulah still has the gun aimed at them. TALLULAH: Laszlo's my boyfriend, or was my boyfriend until two weeks ago. No letter, no good-bye, no nothin'. And I'm not stupid. (She waves the gun as she talks). I know some guys are just pigs but not my Laszlo. I mean, what kinda guy asks you to meet his mother before he vamooses? DOCTOR: It might, might just help if you put that down. TALLULAH: Hunh? (Realizes she has gun). Oh, sure. (Tosses gun to a chair). Oh, c'mon. It's not real. It's just a prop. It was either that or a spear. MARTHA: What do you think happened to Laszlo? TALLULAH: I wish I knew. One minute he's there, the next, zip, vanished. DOCTOR: Listen, ah, what's your name? TALLULAH: Tallulah. DOCTOR: Tallulah. TALLULAH: 3 Ls and an H. DOCTOR: Right. Um, we can try to find Laszlo, but he's not the only one. There are people disappearing every night. SOLOMON: And there are creatures. Such creatures. TALLULAH: Whaddaya mean "creatures"? DOCTOR: Look. Listen, just trust me. Everyone is in danger. I need to find out exactly what this is (removes blob from his pocket) because then I'll know exactly what we're fighting. TALLULAH (leans back): Yech! PROPS ROOM The Doctor is scavenging for pieces of equipment. SOLOMON (holds up a radio): How about this? I found it backstage. DOCTOR (takes it): Perfect. It's the capacitors I need. I'm just rigging up a crude little DNA scan for this beastie. If I can get a chromosomal reading, I'll find out where it's from. The Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver on the radio's insides. SOLOMON: How about you, Doctor? Where are you from? I've been all over. I've never heard anybody talk like you. Just exactly who are you? The Doctor takes out a piece from the radio and blows on it. DOCTOR: Oh, I'm just sort of passing by. SOLOMON: I'm not a fool, Doctor. DOCTOR: No. Sorry. Solomon walks over to the sewer lid and looks down at it. SOLOMON: I was so scared, Doctor. I let them take Frank 'cause I was just too scared. I gotta get back to Hooverville. With these creatures on the loose, we gotta protect ourselves. Ain't no one else gonna help us. DOCTOR: Good luck. SOLOMON: I hope you find what you're looking for. For all our sakes. Solomon leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] TALLULAH'S DRESSING ROOM Tallulah is in costume, putting on her makeup for the performance. Martha is sitting in a chair, watching. TALLULAH: Laszlo... He's wait for me after the show, walk me home like I was a lady. He'd leave a flower for me on my dressing table. Every day, just a single rose. Martha stands and walks over beside her. MARTHA: Haven't you reported him missing? TALLULAH: Sure. He's just a stagehand. Who cares? The management certainly don't. MARTHA: Can't you kick up a fuss or something? TALLULAH:: Okay, so then they fire me. MARTHA: But they'd listen to you. You're one of the stars. TALLULAH: Oh, honey, I got one stone in a back street revue and that's only because Heidi Chicane broke her ankle; which had nothin' to do with me whatever anybody says. I can't afford to make a fuss. If I don't make this month's rent, then before you know it, I'm in Hooverville. MARTHA: Okay, I get it. TALLULAH: It's the Depression, sweetie. Your heart might break, but the show goes on and if it stops, you starve. Every night I have to go out there, sign, dance, keep goin'. Hoping he's gonna come back. Breaks down. MARTHA (hugs her): I'm sorry. Tallulah pulls out of the hug and wipes her eyes. TALLULAH: Hey, you're lucky, though. You got yourself a forward thinking guy with that hot potato in the sharp suit. MARTHA: Uh, he's not, we're not... together. TALLULAH: Oh, sure you are. I've seen the way you look at him. It's obvious. MARTHA: Not to him. TALLULAH: Oh, I shoulda realized. He's into musicals, hunh? What a waste. Martha shakes her head as Tallulah misunderstands. TALLULAH: Still, ya gotta live in hope. It's the only thing that's kept me going 'cause... (lifts white rose from dressing table) look. On my dressing table every day still. MARTHA (takes the rose): You think it's Laszlo? TALLULAH: I don't know. If he's still around, why's he bein' all secret like he doesn't want me to see him? HOOVERVILLE Solomon addresses everyone. SOLOMON: The stories are all true. People are being taken. We lost Frank today. He was stolen from right in front of me. But no more. I swear to you, no more. Now, I made a pledge that this place would be a peaceful place, but now it's time to take up arms. CROWD: Yeah! SOLOMON: We need weapons. We need sentries on duty. We need men prepared o fight! We've got to protect ourselves because you know no one else will. Now get moving. Arm yourselves. The men, inspired, go off to follow Solomon's words. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING Up on the mast, two men are attaching the plates. The wind is howling and it's freezing. FOREMAN 2: I can't feel my fingers! We can't stay here for much longer! We'll fall! MAN 2: C'mon, we're nearly done! DALEK LAB DALEK THAY: The chromatin solution is ready. DALEK SEC: Then our preparations are complete. DIAGORAS: What are you doing? Preparations for what? DALEK SEC: This is the Final Experiment. DIAGORAS: Whaddya mean? Do you mean like this pig men things? You're not gonna turn me into one of those! Oh, God, please don't! DALEK SEC: The pig slaves are primitive. The Final Experiment is greater by far. DIAGORAS: But how does that involve me? DALEK SEC: We need your flesh. Bring him to me! DALEK THAY: Halt! This action contradicts the Dalek Imperative. DALEK 2: Daleks are supreme. Humans are weak. DALEK SEC: But there are millions of humans and only four of us. If we are supreme, why are we not victorious? The Cult of Skaro was created by the Emperor for this very purpose. To imagine new ways of survival. DALEK THAY: But we must remain pure. DALEK SEC: No, Dalek Thay! Our purity has brought us to extinction! We must adapt to survive. You have all made sacrifices... One Daleks is shown to have sacrificed its side panels for the mast. DALEK SEC : ... And now I will sacrifice myself for the greater cause, the future of Dalek-kind. Now bring me the human! The pig men force Diagoras forward. DIAGORAS ; I don't understand. What do you mean? Get offa me! DALEK SEC: Behold the true Dalek form. Dalek Sec's casing opens to reveal the real Dalek inside. DALEK SEC: Now you join with me. Diagoras tries to resist as the pig men push him towards Sec. DIAGORAS: No! Get off me! I did everything you asked of me! No! Sec reaches out with his tentacles and sucks Diagoras in like a cocoon then the casing closes. THEATRE The Doctor is up in the balcony with the blob hooked up to his hand-made scanner. He sets the beam from one of the stage lights on it. DOCTOR: That's it. Let's warm you up. The Doctor puts on his glasses and starts to examine it. BACKSTAGE TALLULAH: Girls, it's showtime! BALCONY DOCTOR: This is artificial. We hear the announcer over the speakers. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen... DOCTOR: Genetically engineered. Whoever this is, oh, you're clever. ANNOUNCER: ...with Heaven and Hell! The curtains open and we see chorus girls dressed in red sequined dresses with tails and horns. As they part, Tallulah appears in white with wings and a halo. She sashays up to the microphone and begins to sing. TALLULAH :: # You lured me in with your cold grey eyes / Your simple smile and your bewitching lies / One and one and one is three / My bad, bad angel, the Devil and me / You put the devil in me / You put the devil in me / You put the devil in me. Martha is watching from the wings. TALLULAH: You put the Devil in me. # As the dance starts, Martha sees a pig man who looks different from the others standing in the opposite wings, seemingly just watching. Martha cuts across the stage, hiding behind the girls. CHORUS GIRL 1: What are you doing? Martha moves to the next girl, accidentally grabbing her tail, causing her to fall. TALLULAH: What are you doing? CHORUS GIRL 2: You're on my tail! Get off my tail! BALCONY The Doctor has a stethoscope on the blob. DOCTOR: Fundamental DNA type 467-989. 989. Hold on, that means planet of origin. (A look of disbelief crosses his face). Skaro. Rushes off. STAGE TALLULAH (to Martha): Get off the stage! You're spoilin' it! MARTHA: But look. (Points to the wings). Over there! The pig man realizes he's been spotted and is startled. Tallulah screams and he runs. MARTHA: Hey! Runs after him. The pig man runs through the halls, Martha still following. MARTHA: Wait! But you're different than the others! Just wait! In the prop room, Martha hears a clanging but the pig man is gone. Backstage, Tallulah is with the chorus girls. CHORUS GIRL 1: It was like something out of a movie show. Oh, that face. I ain't never gonna sleep. The Doctor arrives. DOCTOR: Where is she? Where's Martha? TALLULAH: I don't know. She ran off the stage. In the prop room a second pig man comes up behind Martha and attacks her. She screams. The Doctor hears her screams and runs to save her followed by Tallulah. They reach the prop room, but she's gone. DOCTOR: Martha! The Doctor notices the sewer lid is crooked so he grabs his coat and puts it on. TALLULAH: Oh, where are you goin'? DOCTOR: They've taken her. TALLULAH: Who's taken her? The Doctor begins to climb down into the sewer. TALLULAH: What're y' doin'? I said, what the hell are ya doin'? Crazy guy. Tallulah finds a long coat to put on over her costume and follows. DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no way. You're not coming. TALLULAH: Tell me what's going on. DOCTOR: There's nothing you can do. Go back. TALLULAH: Look, whoever's taken Martha, they could've taken Laszlo, couldn't they? DOCTOR: Tallulah, you're not safe down here. TALLULAH: Then that's my problem. Come on. Which way? Tallulah walks down a tunnel to the left. DOCTOR (sighs): This way. The Doctor goes down the tunnel in front of them and Tallulah follows. ANOTHER TUNNEL Martha is being held by two pig men. MARTHA: No! Let me go! They push her against a wall. More pig men come by with humans in a line, one of who is Frank. FRANK: Martha. MARTHA: You're alive! Hugs him. FRANK: Hey. MARTHA: I thought we'd lost you. A pig man pushes them to keep moving. MARTHA: All right! All right, we're moving. FRANK: Wait. Where are they taking us? MARTHA: I don't know, but we can find out what's going on down here. ANOTHER TUNNEL The Doctor and Tallulah are walking. TALLULAH: When you say "They've taken her", who's they exactly? And who are you anyway? I never asked. DOCTOR: Shh. TALLULAH: Okay. Okay. DOCTOR: Shh, shh, shh. In the weak light of the tunnel in front of them, the shadow of a Dalek is approaching. TALLULAH: I mean you're handsome and all... The Doctor puts his hand over her mouth and pulls her back down the tunnel into a recess. The Dalek passes by without seeing them. DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They survived. They always survive while I lose everything. TALLULAH: That metal thing? What was it? DOCTOR: It's called a Dalek. And it's not just metal, it's alive. TALLULAH (laughs): You're kidding me. DOCTOR: Does it look like I'm kidding? (He turns on her and she sobers). Inside that shell is a creature born to hate, whose only thought is to destroy everything and everyone that isn't a Dalek too. It won't stop until it's killed every human being alive. TALLULAH: But if it's not a human being, that kinda implies it's from outer space. (The Doctor looks at her). Yet again, that's a "no" with the kidding. Boy... Well, what's it doin' here, in New York? DALEK LAB DALEK: Stop the process. Dalek Sec is failing. DALEK SEC (strained): No, the experiment must continue. Administer the solution. We must evolve. Evolve! Evolve! A second Dalek injects the solution through Dalek Sec's casing. SEWER TUNNEL The Doctor pulls Tallulah by the arm. DOCTOR: Every second you're down here, you're in danger. I'm taking you back right now. They turn a corner a see a pig man, the one that was at the theatre. Tallulah screams and the pig man tried to hide. DOCTOR (approaching): Where's Martha? What have you done with her? What have you done with Martha? PIG MAN: I didn't take her. DOCTOR (surprised): Can you remember your name? PIG MAN: Don't look at me. TALLULAH (moves forward): Do you know where she is? PIG MAN: Stay back! Don't look at me! DOCTOR: What happened to you? A closer look reveals that he is more man than pig. PIG MAN: They made me a monster. DOCTOR: Who did? PIG MAN: The masters. DOCTOR: The Daleks. Why? PIG MAN: They needed slaves. They needed slaves to steal more people so they created us. Part animal, part human. I escaped before they got my mind, but it was still too late. DOCTOR: Do you know what happened to Martha? PIG MAN: They took her. It's my fault. She was following me. TALLULAH: Were you in the theatre? PIG MAN: Yes. TALLULAH: Why? Why were you there? PIG MAN: I never wanted you to see me like this. TALLULAH: Why me? What do I gotta do with this? Were you following me? Is that why you were there? The pig man turns to face Tallulah. PIG MAN: Yes. TALLULAH: Who are you? PIG MAN: I was lonely. TALLULAH: Who are you? PIG MAN: I needed to see you. TALLULAH: Who are you? PIG MAN: I'm sorry. Turns away. TALLULAH: No, wait. (Grabs his arm). Let me look at you. (She places him under the light). Laszlo? (He nods). My Laszlo? (Voice breaks). Oh, what have they done to you? LASZLO: I'm sorry. So sorry. DOCTOR: Laszlo, can you show me where they are? LASZLO: They'll kill you. DOCTOR: If I don't stop them, they'll kill everyone. LASZLO: Then follow me. ANOTHER TUNNEL Martha, Frank, and the other prisoners are being kept in a section of tunnel by the pig men. FRANK: What are they keeping us here for? MARTHA: I don't know. I've just got a nasty feeling that we're being kept in the larder. Laszlo leads the Doctor and Tallulah through the tunnels and takes them to where they can see Martha and Frank. The pig men guarding the prisoners start squealing nervously. FRANK: What're they doing? What's wrong? What's wrong? A Dalek glides into the tunnel. DALEK: Silence. Silence. Lazlo ducks back out of sight. MARTHA: What the hell is that? The Doctor watches. DALEK: You will form a line. Move. The pig men push everyone into line. MARTHA: Just do what it says, everyone, okay? Just obey. DALEK: The female is wise. Obey! A second Dalek arrives. DALEK 2: Report. DALEK 1: These are strong specimens. They will help the Dalek cause. MARTHA (softly): Dalek? DALEK 1: What is the status of the Final Experiment? DALEK 2: The Dalekanium is in place. The energy conductor is now complete. DALEK 1: Then I will extract prisoners for selection. A pig man brigs an older black man forward. The Dalek extends his sucker towards the man's face. DALEK 1: Intelligence scan. Initiate. Reading brain waves. Low intelligence. MAN: You calling me stupid? DALEK 1: This one will become a pig slave. Two pig men pull him away. MAN: No, let go of me! I'm not becoming one of them! The Dalek moves to the next in line. DALEK 1: Intelligence scan. Initiate. LAZLO: They're divided into two groups: high intelligence and low intelligence. The low intelligence are taken to become pig slaves like me. TALLULAH: Well, that's not fair. DOCTOR: Shh. TALLULAH (whispers): You're the smartest guy I ever dated. DOCTOR: And the others? LAZLO: They're taken to the laboratory. DOCTOR: But why? What for? LASZLO: I don't know. The masters only call it the Final... Experiment. The Dalek is scanning Frank. DALEK 1: Superior intelligence. (Turns to Martha). Intelligence scan. Initiate. Superior intelligence. This one will become part of the Final Experiment. MARTHA: You can't just experiment on people! It's insane! It's inhuman! DALEK 1: We are not human. Prisoners of high intelligence will be taken to the transgenic laboratory. DOCTOR: Look out, they're moving! The Doctor flattens himself against the wall. Laszlo takes Tallulah and heads down the tunnel. LASZLO: Doctor. Doctor! Quickly! DOCTOR: I'm not going. I've got an idea. You go. TALLULAH: Laszlo, c'mon! LASZLO: Can you remember the way? TALLULAH: Yeah, I think so. LASZLO: Then go. Please. TALLULAH: But Laszlo, you gotta come with me. LASZLO: Where would I go? Tallulah, I'm beggin you, save yourself. Just run. Just go. Go. Tallulah leaves and Laszlo rejoins the Doctor. The Daleks pass by and the Doctor falls in line between Martha and Frank while Laszlo acts like one of the guards. DOCTOR: Just keep walking. MARTHA: I'm so glad to see you. DOCTOR: Yeah, well, you can kiss me later. You too, Frank, if you want. Tallulah runs through the tunnels, lost. DALEK LAB The prisoners are brought in. DALEK 1: Report. DALEK 3: Dalek Sec is in the final stage of evolution. DALEK 1: Scan him. Prepare for birth. DOCTOR: Evolution? MARTHA: What's wrong with old Charlie boy over there? DOCTOR: Ask them. MARTHA: What me? Don't be daft. DOCTOR: I don't exactly want to get noticed. Ask them what's going on. MARTHA (deep breath): Daleks, I demand to be told. What is this Final Experiment? Report! DALEK 1: You will bear witness. MARTHA: To what? DALEK 1: This is the dawn of a new age. MARTHA: What does that mean? DALEK 1: We are the only four Daleks so the species must evolve a life outside the shell. The Children of Skaro must walk again. Dalek Sec's shell powers down and the casing opens once again to reveal a human-dalek hybrid. The clothing is unmistakably that of Diagoras. The head is similar to a Dalek body with mouth, one eye, and tentacles. The hands are almost claw-like. MARTHA: What is it? DALEK SEC (slowly): I am a human Dalek. I am your future. To be continued...
Plan: A: Martha; Q: Who is captured by a pig slave? A: New York Hooverville; Q: Where do the Doctor and Martha investigate disappearances in 1930? A: the sewers; Q: Where do the Doctor and Martha agree to take a construction job? A: a subject; Q: What is Martha used for in the Daleks' final experiment? A: their laboratory; Q: Where is the Daleks' final experiment? A: Dalek Sec; Q: Who merges his body with Mr Diagoras? A: a human-Dalek hybrid; Q: What does Dalek Sec become? Summary: The Doctor and Martha investigate disappearances in a New York Hooverville in 1930. They agree to take a construction job in the sewers when the Doctor hears that not everyone who goes down the sewers returns. Martha is captured by a pig slave, commanded by the Daleks , to be used as a subject in the Daleks' final experiment in their laboratory. Dalek Sec of the Cult of Skaro merges his body with the businessman Mr Diagoras, becoming a human-Dalek hybrid.
LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Babette are moving potted plants, Lorelai's cell phone rings] BABETTE: Ooh! What is that? LORELAI: It's just my phone. BABETTE: Holy smoke! I don't know what I thought that was -- some alarm on your pants or something. LORELAI: No, the pants alarm, pants alarm sounds more like a siren. BABETTE: You want to answer that? Should we put this down? LORELAI: No, no... BABETTE: We could just... LORELAI: No that's okay. I'm afraid if we put it down, we won't pick it up again. BABETTE: Oh, this is gonna be good, what with this one here and the two palms. Oh, boy, Morey's eyes are gonna pop out of his head! LORELAI: Why? Does he find plants particularly startling? BABETTE: I'm making a jungle. LORELAI: A jungle? BABETTE: For the bedroom. LORELAI: Ugh! Enough said. [Telephone rings] BABETTE: Hey, is that your inside phone? LORELAI: Yeah I'll call them back. BABETTE: So, anyway, I got this negligee with sort of a snake pattern. LORELAI: Oh, boy! Is this heavy! BABETTE: It is. It is. I'm sorry, doll. I wasn't hoping that you would lug this with me. I was planning on asking Christopher. LORELAI: Oh yeah. BABETTE: Yeah I haven't seen him much lately. LORELAI: Oh well, his work keeps him busy. BABETTE: Yeah what's he do -- something with computers? Very mysterious. LORELAI: Yeah, he's a man of mystery. BABETTE: Ohh, you know who's a man of mystery? Morey. [Lorelai cell phone rings] After decades in the bedroom, who would have thought that the idea of dressing up like a Howler monkey would be such a turn-on? LORELAI: Right, I'm gonna get this, Babette. BABETTE: All right. LORELAI: [On the phone] Hello? Rory? Honey, what's wrong? [pause] Oh, no. On my way. [Ends call] Sorry, Babette! BABETTE: [Breathing heavily] Morey! OPENING CREDITS HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM [Rory is sitting and her cell phone is ringing] WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Forrest, dial 182, please. WOMAN: Excuse me, miss. Is that your phone? RORY: Oh. Um, sorry. H-hello? LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: I'm here. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Where are you? RORY: I'm here. I'm in the waiting room. LORELAI: Ah, okay. I must be in the wrong waiting room. RORY: I'm not in the E.R. anymore, I'm in the cardiac intensive-care unit, the C.I.C.U. LORELAI: That's where I am, I think. First floor? RORY: First floor. LORELAI: There's a red stripe on the floor. RORY: It's kind of orange here. LORELAI: Orange? RORY: Reddish-orange, so maybe. LORELAI: Well yeah maybe orangey red. Maybe the lights make it look more red. [Lorelai sees Rory] Oh. Hi. RORY: Hey. [Exhales deeply] Um, they're doing tests, so that's where he is -- blood tests and another E.K.G. They did an E.K.G. In the ambulance, but I guess they're still trying to determine how much damage was actually caused by the heart attack. But that's definitely what it was. It was a myocardial infarction, which is a heart attack. And I guess the E.K.G. Tells them how bad the blockage of his arteries is and what degree of coronary-artery disease he has, or C.A.D., As they're calling it, because, apparently, everything is -- what do you call it? An anagram? What's the thing with the letters? Acronym. The C.A.D., C.I.C.U., The E.K.G. LORELAI: Come here. [They hug] RORY: Ohh. Mom, it was awful. He just fell down. [Lorelai rubs Rory's back] LORELAI: [Sighs] It's gonna be okay. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM [Later Lorelai is on the phone] WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Forrest, dial 182, please. LORELAI: Hi, Chris, it's me again. Uh... I'm at the hospital now, and, um, it was a heart attack, but dad's okay. He's just getting some tests. So, um...we're in the C.I.C.U. At John Skinner Medical Center. It's on the first floor, and there's a red stripe running down the hallway. Just please call me when you get this, okay? Thanks. [Lorelai ends the call and sits with Rory, exhales sharply] Wow. [The table is full off junk food] RORY: Mm-hmm. Well, my brain wasn't up to choosing between things, so I got one of everything. LORELAI: You do me proud. So, ah, grandma's on her way. I didn't talk to her, but the girl at the club said she's en route. RORY: Oh, okay. And what about dad? LORELAI: Oh, he's probably... en route. RORY: Hmm. Is everything okay? LORELAI: Yeah, I don't think he's gotten my messages yet, but he'll be here when he does. RORY: Okay. Well... what is your pleasure? LORELAI: Well, let's see. Uh...nothing sweet, I don't think. RORY: No? A salty thing? A fluorescent-orange ersatz-cheese thing? LORELAI: I guess I'm not hungry. RORY: Yeah, me neither. I keep thinking this is all just a nightmare. LORELAI: I know. RORY: But it's not. LORELAI: No I mean it's a nightmare but not a nightmare nightmare. I know 'cause I have shoes on. In my nightmares, I never am wearing shoes. RORY: I didn't know that. LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, It's the worst thing in the dream, too. I could be chased by snakes or in a nuclear explosion, but then I look down, and, "oh, my god! I'm not wearing shoes!" RORY: I wonder what that means. LORELAI: Well it probably means I have a fear of you know hurting my bare feet or fear of losing my shoes. RORY: Hmm. Not so Freudian, huh? LORELAI: No for me, a snake is just a snake, a slingback is just a slingback. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Gilmore? LORELAI: Oh. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Hi. I'm Dr. Goldstein. You're Richard Gilmore's family? LORELAI: Yes. Is he okay? DR. GOLDSTEIN: He's doing all right. He's conscious, cogent, and not in significant pain now. RORY: Oh, good. LORELAI: Good. DR. GOLDSTEIN: We just sent him to the cath lab to get an angiogram. After that, we should be able to get a better sense of what kind of blockage is around his heart. And then we'll figure out where to go from there. LORELAI: Like where would we go? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Uh, pardon? LORELAI: I mean, where -- where would we go? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Well, if the blockage is more serious, we will have to consider an emergency bypass surgery. LORELAI: Okay. DR. GOLDSTEIN: I promise to let you know as soon as we get the results from the cath lab. Try not to worry. LORELAI: No, no, not worried. Just normal amount of worried you know for someone whose father's had a heart attack, but not excessively worried. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Okay LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Okay thank you, doctor. DR. GOLDSTEIN: I'll see you in a little bit. LORELAI: [Sighs] WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Battaglia, extension 198. [Emily enters the waiting room and see the girls.] EMILY: Have you seen him? LORELAI: Oh, hi, mom. RORY: Oh no, not since he was in the E.R. EMILY: Where is he? LORELAI: Ah the doctor came out and said he's in the cath lab, getting an angiogram. He's gonna let us know when he's done. EMILY: Nonsense. [walks off the girls follow] RORY: Oh no It's true. He said he would come back when he had the results. [They come to the nurses station] EMILY: I'm Emily Gilmore. And I would like to see my husband. NURSE: Now lets see what is your husband's name? EMILY: Gilmore! Richard Gilmore! I'm his wife, and I would like to see him now. NURSE: I'm sorry he's in the cath lab right now getting an angiogram. But the doctor will come find you as soon as they're done. EMILY: There's no need to be cheery about it. NURSE: I didn't mean... EMILY: Honestly someone with your chipper personality ought to be a weather girl or a preschool teacher. NURSE: I'm sorry you feel that way. EMILY: Oh, please. Don't mope. [Emily walks off and Lorelai mouths "I'm Sorry" to the nurse] EMILY: What happened to all the competent people? That's what I'd like to know. Was there some giant hole they all fell into or a virus that struck them all down, leaving the morons of the world to sit behind the desks? LORELAI: Mum wouldn't you like to sit down, have a cup of tea? EMILY: I don't want a cup of tea, what I want is the most perfunctory level of competence from the people with whom I interact. That apparently is far too much to ask for. RORY: Grandma we have snacks. LORELAI: Yes mum, snacks. We have salty snacks and sweet snacks and sweet/salty hybrid snacks. EMILY: I mean even at the club, I'm tell you the young men and women that work there must have a combined I.Q. Of a grapefruit. You ask them for a towel, and they look at you with the most vacant eyes. I'm telling you I thought the girl at reception was blind the entire first month she worked there - blind but very enthusiastic about the application of eyeliner. LORELAI: Sounds pretty. EMILY: My husband has a heart attack, and how long does it take them to find me? 40 minutes. The nitwit probably got lost between the front desk and the tennis courts. RORY: I'm sorry grandma that sounds terrible. EMILY: I mean none of this would have been a problem if I'd been allowed to keep my cell phone. But no cell phones have been banned allegedly because of noise pollution. Well if that's the reason, they should ban John Abbott. Because I'm telling you every time that man hits a ball, he grunts like a rutting hog. [The girls look amused] I mean he's twice as loud as my cell phone. And they won't even let you leave your cell phone on vibrate, it preposterous. I mean what do they think we're doing, making drug deals? LORELAI: I doubt that's it. EMILY: Which, by the way, are absolutely, 100% taking place. I saw Devorah Inwood handing Cardum Kelly a small, blue pill in the ladies' locker room while they made shady eyes at each other. LORELAI: Drug deals at the club? Mum I don't think so. EMILY: Absolutely. The whole place is going to the dogs. Oh, and now apparently they want to start charging us for meals, on top of the king's ransom in dues. It's appalling. I mean the very idea of charging extra for the junk they serve there. Oh, and you know what really irks me? LORELAI: Hmm? EMILY: They very rarely serve fish. LORELAI: That's terrible, especially for people who love fish. EMILY: In a way it's their fault that Richard's here. LORELAI: Mum what do you mean? EMILY: 2 1/2 months ago, I read an article that said fish has been shown to prevent heart attacks and stroke and has innumerable other health benefits. RORY: [Sees Logan] Hey. [Goes to him and they hug as Emily continues to talk.] EMILY: It's the omega-3 fatty acids -- that and it's an incredibly lean source of protein. So I had the maid cut out the article so I could show it to Richard. He agreed to eat more fish, but he said not for dinner. My spineless kitchen staff caved. LOGAN: Emily, Lorelai, I'm so sorry. How are you holding up? LORELAI: We're holding. EMILY: Logan, it's so good of you to come. LOGAN: Is there anything I can do? Could I get you a cup of tea maybe? LORELAI: Oh I just asked. She doesn't want tea. EMILY: I would love a cup of tea. That's very kind of you. LOGAN: I'm on a tea hunt, then. That's a fine young man, Rory -- very sweet, very considerate. RORY: I like him. EMILY: He's one of the good ones. Lorelai, where's Christopher? LORELAI: Oh, he's on his way. EMILY: From where? LORELAI: Um, uh...Dr. Goldstein. EMILY: I'm Emily Gilmore. DR. GOLDSTEIN: Good. I'm glad you're here. The blockage is worse than we'd hoped. I think the best course of action -- really the only course of action -- is to do an emergency bypass surgery. LORELAI: Open-heart surgery? EMILY: Let him finish, Lorelai. DR. GOLDSTEIN: We'd like to go into surgery as soon as possible. So now would be the time if you'd like to visit him. RORY: Yes, yeah, we'd like to see him. DR. GOLDSTEIN: If you'll follow me please. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY DR. GOLDSTEIN: Feel free to ask me any questions you might have. EMILY: Are you the one who will be performing the surgery? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Yes, along with a team. I'll be the chief surgeon. EMILY: And where did you go to school? DR. GOLDSTEIN: I'm sorry? EMILY: You did attend school, didn't you? LORELAI: Mom. DR. GOLDSTEIN: No, it's okay. Yes, I got my B.A. At Yale. I went to medical school at Harvard. I did my residency at Columbia Presbyterian before I became chief of cardiothoracic surgery here. EMILY: See? LORELAI: See what? DR. GOLDSTEIN: Now here we are. I'll let you visit. A nurse will be by shortly to begin prepping Richard for surgery. EMILY: Thank you, doctor. [Emily and Rory enter, Lorelai pauses for a moment at the door] EMILY: Richard how are you doing. RORY: Hi grandpa EMILY: I meet you doctor now think he's quite competent And I watched his hands closely and they're steady as a statue's. Oh, and, Richard, he's Yale undergrad, Harvard medical school. RICHARD: You don't say. Well, if he does a good job I'll, I'll forget the Harvard part. I'll write that off as a youthful indiscretion. [Chuckles] EMILY: This room is rather intimate. RICHARD: It's just fine, Emily. I promise you. Now, Rory, I'm sorry I gave you a scare in class today. RORY: No don't be silly. I'm just glad you're okay. And you're gonna be more okay after the surgery. RICHARD: Thank you. LORELAI: Are you okay, dad? I mean how are you feeling, considering everything? You look okay. RICHARD: Well all in all, I think I'd rather be in Philadelphia. RORY: [Chuckles] Ronald Reagan. RICHARD: Quoting W.C. Fields. RORY: Oh, I didn't know that. LORELAI: It would be great now. You know winter is a great time to see the Liberty Bell and the cream cheese. That's all I got on Philadelphia. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Well the cheesesteaks -- the Philly cheesesteaks. EMILY: Lorelai please, Richard, is your neck getting enough support? It looks like you need another pillow. RICHARD: Ah I don't know I think it's all right. EMILY: Ah you need another pillow. LORELAI: I got it, mom. EMILY: I can take care of it. LORELAI: I'm just handing you a pillow. EMILY: I don't want that pillow. LORELAI: What wrong with this pillow. EMILY: It doesn't have a pillowcase. LORELAI: Yes It does. What's this, it's a pillowcase. EMILY: Yes, it has one pillowcase. It should have two pillowcases one facing each way so the pillow is never exposed. Now I have to ring for a pillow. LORELAI: Mother we have a pillow right here, why would... RICHARD: Tucson. LORELAI: What? RICHARD: Tucson is extremely hot, and it has a dry climate that doesn't agree with me, and I really don't think much of the way they dress out there. And I have a deep aversion to cacti of all kinds. And yet Tucson is a place where I think I would rather be. LORELAI: Anywhere but here, right, dad? Although, it's awfully dry. RORY: And so hot. EMILY: And you're right about the fashion -- ponchos and all that turquoise. Oh, and men in sandals. Spare me. [Chuckles] LUKE'S DINER [Zach is filling in for Lane] LUKE: So, how's it going there, Zach? ZACH: Aces. [To customers] Pastrami on Rye -- mustard, no mayo. Cheeseburger -- Swiss, double pickles, fries. If you need anything else, just holler. My name's Zach, and, uh...I'll be your waiter. LUKE: So you holding up okay? ZACH: Oh yeah. I'm tell ya, I was not looking forward to filling in for Lane deal. So I was like oh no! and she's like, "it's either this, or you fill in during the whole childbirth deal." LUKE: Which would probably be a bit more difficult. ZACH: Yeah right plus handing out food is cake compared to having a human being come out of you -- no offense. LUKE: None taken. You're doing a good job. ZACH: Oh, man, I gotta tell ya it's been great. I mean, it's been enlightening. Like always In the past, I was the one sitting at the table, and now I'm the one with the notepad and the pencil. LUKE: You're on the inside. ZACH: It's cool. LUKE: Don't let the power go to your head. ZACH: No kidding. You know what was freaking me out before? I'm about to hand people the food they're going to eat, and I could do anything to it, and they would have no idea. I mean they would just eat it. Not that I would, of course, but it's just intense. Plus, everything smells so good. I can see why Lane digs this job. LUKE: Well, your enthusiasm is appreciated. ZACH: Right on. Hey, you have another rag? [hands him one] Cool. BABETTE: Hey, Luke? LUKE: Hey, Babette. What can I get you? You still stocking the jungle with snacks, whatever that means? BABETTE: Luke, I got to tell you something. Or, I don't know if I got to, but I want to. Well it's not that I want to like it's a good thing. Lorelai's dad had a heart attack. LUKE: [Stunned] Oh, my god. BABETTE: Rory called Lorelai and I was there. LUKE: Is he okay? BABETTE: Well, he's not -- he's okay...I think...right now. They're at john skinner, and I don't know, that's all I know. LUKE: Oh, my god. BABETTE: Yeah I-I thought you would want to know. LUKE: Yeah, yeah, thanks. BABETTE: All right. Well, I'm gonna go. LUKE: Yeah. Thanks. ZACH: You know what it's like? Working here is like having a backstage pass at a show. It's all-access, man. LUKE: [still in shock] Right. Right. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY [Lorelai is on the phone] LORELAI: Hey, it's me again. I don't know if you got my other message. Uh...we're still here at the hospital, and, uh... dad's gonna have surgery. He's having a coronary bypass pretty soon. I just came from his room, and, um...he doesn't look bad, you know? He looks okay, considering. But, uh... he's lying down. He just -- just looks so small. It just made me think of this time. There was a tree in our yard I would always climb, and one day, I climbed up really, really high. Dad came home from work. I watched him go into the house. I thought, "he looks so small." It was so strange to see him look like that. Um...[Sighs, the phone beeps for call waiting] Anyway, I should go, but, uh... call me when you get this, okay? Bye. [switched to the other call] Hello? SOOKIE: How are you? How is everything? What can I do? LORELAI: Oh no it's okay. I'm okay. Um dad had a heart attack, and he's gonna have surgery. But I guess it's a pretty common operation, so... SOOKIE: And how are you? LORELAI: I'm okay, considering. SOOKIE: What can I do? LORELAI: Oh, nothing, hon. I'm fine. SOOKIE: Well can I send you anything? You know I made lemon bars and, ooh, pecan squares, I packed them up and I'm sending them over with Katie right now. LORELAI: Oh, that was so sweet. MICHEL: Is that Lorelai? SOOKIE: Yes. Her dad's in surgery, but he's fine. [Too Lorelai] How is Rory doing? LORELAI: Rory's doing fine, thanks. MICHEL: Tell Lorelai I say hello. SOOKIE: Michel says hello. LORELAI: Tell Michel I said hello. SOOKIE: She says hello. MICHEL: Tell Lorelai I am thinking of her father and wishing him well. SOOKIE: He's thinking of your father and wishing him well. LORELAI: Tell Michel "thank you." SOOKIE: She says "thank you." MICHEL: Tell Lorelai the Zimmerman's in room 4 are not a married couple, as we had thought, but a brother and a sister. SOOKIE: No I'm not telling Lorelai that. She's in a hospital. MICHEL: Tell her they requested a rollaway bed, and we do not have any rollaway beds left. SOOKIE: I am not talking to Lorelai about rollaway beds. MICHEL: Tell her the Zimmerman's are demanding, very big, and they need a bed! LORELAI: The Murray's are checking out at 3:00. and he can use the bed from their room. SOOKIE: She said you can take the rollaway bed from the Murray's. They're checking out at 3:00. MICHEL: Ahh! Very good. Tell her "thank you." SOOKIE: He says "thank you" and apologizes for being such a pest. MICHEL: Tell her I miss her here very, very much! HOSPITAL - NURSES STATION [Emily is on a phone and the nurse is not looking happy, Lorelai arrives] EMILY: Well then don't stick us in the back corner next time. Oh you did you absolutely did, Anthony. I was so close to the kitchen, I could have reached in and gotten my own plate without standing up, just stretched out my arm like Rubberman, and... [Chuckles] No, no, I'm just kidding. So, tell me, what's your special tonight? Sea scallops? Oh, you're torturing me, Anthony, torturing me. Well, give my love to your wife. Oh, I will. Oh, just one of those last-minute business trips. [Lorelai doesn't look happy either] All right, then. Bye-bye. LORELAI: Well somebody's very chipper on the phone. Somebody should consider a career as a weather girl. EMILY: Oh please I've spent years cultivating my relationship with the maitre d' at Persephone's. I'm hardly about to let it go down the drain in one night. [Marking off a check list] "Call Persephone's" -- done. We're missing the sea scallops. Persephone's does the most wonderful job with seafood. I wish we'd eaten there more often. It's such a shame. They make a cedar-plank salmon that is -- I don't know if you like salmon. LORELAI: Ah no, but I love a nice, juicy cedar plank. EMILY: Salmon is one of the best fish in terms of the omega-3s. It's marvelous for you, and it makes your skin positively glow. LORELAI: Beauty tips are not really big on my list of priorities right now, mom. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM [Logan's cell phone is vibrating on the table] RORY: So I tell Paris, "I don't care if it would theoretically increase my chances of getting a grant to study in Russia. I am not willing to pretend to be an accomplished rhythmic gymnast." LOGAN: How do you pretend to be a rhythmic gymnast, anyway? RORY: I don't even know. Do you whirl around some ribbons? Balance a ball on your nose? She's taking our impending graduation with a pinch of total insanity. Logan you should answer that. LOGAN: Nah. RORY: It's practically buzzing off the table. Really I don't mind. LOGAN: I'll text them back in a minute. RORY: But you need to... LOGAN: I don't need to do anything but be right here with you. RORY: Well, are you sure? Aren't people gonna be mad you're not answering your phone? LOGAN: Well that's their problem. RORY: You know who's gonna be mad at me? Paris. Because right now, I'm missing a G.R.E. Prep course and tea with the Branford librarian. LOGAN: I imagine she'll understand. RORY: Um Paris? LOGAN: Maybe you better start balancing a ball on your nose. [Emily and Lorelai come around the corner] EMILY: I need to cancel Richard's tennis match. And I guess I'm not gonna make it to my book club tomorrow. Which is just as well -- I haven't even cracked the cover. Whatever gives Suzanna Shaw the idea that the rest of us share her barbaric interest in Cormac McCarthy is beyond me. Now let's see. I need to return the dean's call, and -- [spotting Luke] oh, no. Not him again. What's he doing here? LORELAI: I don't know. LUKE: Hey... LORELAI: Hi. LUKE: I was just in the diner. Babette came and told me your dad had a heart attack. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: I swear I didn't even know what I was doing. I just walked right out the diner and drove straight here. Now that I'm here I realize I might be in the way, but if there's anything I can do, I want to do it. LORELAI: Uh...well... RORY: Hi, Luke. LUKE: Hey, Rory, Logan. LOGAN: Want some coffee? LUKE: No, I'm okay. Thanks very much. [back to Lorelai] Look, I don't want to cause any kind of weirdness here. I mean, I don't want to make him feel... LORELAI: Christopher isn't here, but he will be any second, so... LUKE: Okay I'll just get out of here. LORELAI: I mean thanks. There's just not much for you to do. EMILY: Oh, yes, there is, absolutely. There's plenty for you to do Luke. You can drive to the Yale campus and pick up Richard's car. LORELAI: Mom, he can't do that. LUKE: No it's no problem. EMILY: I'm not exactly sure where it's parked, but it shouldn't be too hard to find. Check the faculty lot and wherever they have parking. It's a 2006 jaguar. It's green. Oh, and I think it's a little low on gas. [Lorelai looking upset at Emily] So if you wouldn't mind filling the tank on the way back to the house, that would be great. LUKE: Okay sure. EMILY: Okay I'll get the key. LORELAI: Mum is he supposed to drive the car to the house, then what take a cab all the way back to Yale to get his truck? EMILY: I have no objection to that. LUKE: Seriously It's no problem. EMILY: See, now fill it with premium, not whatever sludge they try to pass off as regular. LUKE: Premium, you got it. EMILY: You do know how to drive a European car, don't you? LORELAI: Mom. LUKE: Absolutely. Don't worry. EMILY: There's nothing to yank. It's a jaguar, not a lawn mower. LORELAI: Oh, my god! EMILY: Now just leave the key with Soledad. And...here. You can keep the change. LUKE: oh Emily thanks, really, really, it's my pleasure. EMILY: If you insist. If you don't mind terribly, I need someone to make sure that the path to the front door is shoveled. LORELAI: Mother, stop. EMILY: [Answering her cell phone] Hello? Oh, hello. You got my message about the fish. LORELAI: Sorry. We're all a little... and she read an article about how fish can prevent heart attacks. Now she thinks it's the key to everything. LUKE: Ah well, fish is good. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: All right, I should get going. LORELAI: Okay. Well, thanks. EMILY: Yes! Goodbye! [end phone call] Another incompetent. Lorelai go and get Luke back. I need him to bring a check for the fish man. LORELAI: Mom I'm not. He's done enough already. Why don't you reschedule the fish man for later in the week. EMILY: Because this is important. LORELAI: It's important to have fish at the house right now? RORY: Well Logan and I can meet the fish man, with the check if you want. EMILY: Oh that would be marvelous. RORY: Okay I want to get some of grandpa's stuff so he has it when he wakes up. LORELAI: Wait a minute I'll do that. RORY: Do what? LORELAI: You pay the fish man, and I'll get some of grandpa's stuff. RORY: Oh mum that's silly. They're in the same place. LORELAI: Yes but then we'll both have a job. You have a job and I have a job. RORY: Yeah but going to grandma and grandpa's is one job. Somebody needs to look after grandma. LORELAI: Fine. RORY: I mean if you really want... LORELAI: No fine, she's my mother. RORY: Well, you're my mother. LORELAI: Exactly. It's a tangled web. EMILY: Here you go, Logan. Now have him put the Salmon, Swordfish, King Mackerel, and Tuna in the downstairs freezer and the Trout, Sea Bass, Snapper, and Bluefish in the butler's pantry. LOGAN: Salmon, Swordfish, King Mackerel, Tuna downstairs. Trout, sea bass, snapper, Bluefish upstairs. If you rode in the ambulance, you and I don't have a car here. LORELAI: Oh take it before I change my mind. [Hands Rory the Jeeps keys] Level 3. RORY: Thanks. Bye. LORELAI: Bye. I'll be here doing my job. RORY: How come you don't have a car? LOGAN: Well I came by chopper. RORY: Chopper motorcycle or chopper helicopter? LOGAN: Helicopter. RORY: You came here in a helicopter? LOGAN: Yep. [voices fade as they walk away] EMILY: Oh, I do need to call Quentin. I wonder if they have a fax machine here. And I'm hungry. Are you hungry? LORELAI: I don't know, probably. I should be. Don't feel hungry. EMILY: Alright then we should get something to eat. But first, I want to see if those addled nurses will allow me to use their fax machine. LORELAI: [Looks at her phone for any messages, then sighs when she sees none] [SCENE_BREAK] LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Babette is trying to get Paul Anka of the porch, she is on the phone.] BABETTE: [Grunts] LORELAI: Hello? BABETTE: It's me -- Babette. How you doing, sweetie? LORELAI: Oh, hey. I'm okay. BABETTE: What's the news with your dad? LORELAI: Well he's in surgery right now, but we think he's gonna be okay. BABETTE: Oh yeah, I'm sure. Don't you worry about a thing. He's a very vital man you dad -- lots of chi, you know? LORELAI: Oh...really? I didn't know you noticed his chi. BABETTE: Are you kidding me? Prana, chi, life force -- whatever you call it, your daddy's got it in spades. Sexy men like him often do. That's what makes them so sexy. They're ripe with life. LORELAI: O-kay. BABETTE: He's gonna be fine. LORELAI: Thanks, Babette. BABETTE: He's like Warren Beatty, your dad -- or Sean Connery or -- who's that one I always found so sexy? The evil politician with the glasses -- Henry Kissinger! LORELAI: Oh yeah I know him. BABETTE: You might not agree with his politics. You might have lived through Vietnam and thought, "wow that man is the devil," but you can't deny he's sexy. You know why? Chi. LORELAI: I get it. So, how's Paul Anka? BABETTE: Oh, yeah, he's great, just great. LORELAI: What's wrong? BABETTE: I don't want to bother you. LORELAI: Go ahead. BABETTE: Oh, nothing to worry about. It's just... I'm afraid his bladder's gonna explode. I can't get him to come with me. I'm sure he needs to relieve himself, but it's a no-go. He's a no-go. LORELAI: Oh Babette I should have told you he's probably afraid of the porch steps. You just lay something down for him. BABETTE: Oh, yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. [She takes off her coat and puts it on the steps] BABETTE: Wow! Yeah, that worked great. Wow. He's got some chi of his own, this one. Ooh. Only problem is... LORELAI: What? BABETTE: Nothing, nothing. It's just a little cold without my coat, that's all. Not your concern. So um, sweetie, if you need anything else, you'll call me? LORELAI: Okay, I'll call you. BABETTE: Okay. Give my love to your father. LORELAI: I will, Babette. Hey, thanks for calling. BABETTE: Oh, sure thing, hon. Bye. GILMORE MANSION - RICHARDS OFFICE [Logan and Rory are getting things for Richard, Logan is on the phone.] LOGAN: Uh-huh, right. No, it's not a problem. It's perfectly understandable. So from there you want to take a right on Sycamore, left onto old Sawbrook, and then... that's right. No, I mean a left into the driveway. I mean that's correct -- making a left. I mean, a left is the correct choice. Right. That's correct, I mean. Okay, great. Great. Alright we'll be here. See you soon. RORY: Well sounds like Abbott and Costello got nothing on you and the fish man. LOGAN: You liked the "right/right" business? It could use polish, but me and the fish man have plans to bring back vaudeville. RORY: Oh I'm gonna book the Palace theater, "Logan and the fish man". LOGAN: "The fish man and Logan." RORY: He gets top billing? LOGAN: He's the one who can juggle. [Logan's cell phone starts to vibrate] Anyway the snow delayed him, but he should be here in 15 minutes. RORY: Okay, I think your blackberry is going to explode. LOGAN: Ah it's business stuff -- nothing that can't keep. RORY: Business stuff, huh? Business stuff that has to do with the chopper you flew in on? LOGAN: We don't have to talk about it now. RORY: Oh come on I'm interested. I want to know. And also, I could really use the distraction. Besides, I want to make sure you haven't stolen a chopper. LOGAN: I didn't steal it, it was loaned to me by a hedge-fund manager. RORY: Ohh, well... LOGAN: I was at his country home in Montauk when you called, and he just... RORY: Loaned you his chopper, as they say. LOGAN: Pretty much. RORY: Well I think loaning someone your chopper is a sign of trust in many cultures. That sounds like a good sign. LOGAN: Yeah, I think it is a good sign. RORY: So come on what do you need funding for? Just tell me something. I don't want to be nosy, but I'm really interested. Come on. Come on. LOGAN: Okay, you asked for it, so here it goes. I want to buy another Internet company. RORY: I see. LOGAN: It's a web-based, interactive-media platform. This guy in Austin created it. And it's amazing, and fast, and so easy to use, that even I can use it. The idea is to build on the web presence we have and then turn into ourselves into a user-generated media hub where the members can share videos, articles, ideas anything. RORY: That sounds like a good idea. LOGAN: Yeah and it's a deal, too. The guy who created this platform is such a true blue computer geek, that he just wants to get started on his next project, so he's willing to sell for only $5 million. RORY: Oh, only. LOGAN: I know. I know. But in this world, that's relatively cheap. I mean Chad Hurley and Steve Chen sold YouTube for $1.65 billion, and who knows how much Mark Zuckerberg will get for Facebook? RORY: Well yeah, comparatively. LOGAN: Anyway so I'm planning on putting up $3 million of my own money. And I'm just trying to line up a hedge fund to kick in the other $2 million. RORY: You have $3 million? LOGAN: Yeah, in my trust fund. RORY: Yeah but I thought this was a business thing, I mean haven't you asked your dad? I thought you were working for him. LOGAN: I went to him I pitched him the idea, and he rejected it. I have to move fast I have to take this deal off the market before one of the big-dog companies sniff me out and try to outbid me. You still want to take this chess thing? RORY: Yeah, we should. Well, you sound really excited. LOGAN: I am. It's exciting. The economies of scale are incredible. I just need to prove out the business model first. RORY: Yeah and the barriers to switching for your current clientele will probably increase, too. LOGAN: Yes exactly that's what my father doesn't understand. The opportunity cost of not doing it is that somebody else will, and the barriers to switching -- hey. RORY: What? LOGAN: Are actually you using business-speak? Are we speaking businessese? RORY: I believe we are. LOGAN: Color me impressed. RORY: I take economics. LOGAN: Sure, with professor Gilmore. RORY: Yeah. We learned about ideal business theory last semester. I'm actually really enjoying his class. I've learned a lot. He's a really good teacher, which isn't always a given, you know. I mean some smart people can't translate their smarts to other people, but he is really good at explaining things, and he makes you want to learn more. Next week, we're gonna split up into 10 groups, and each of us have to create a business plan. LOGAN: Like "The Apprentice." RORY: Yeah and he's gonna be like Donald Trump, which is ridiculous. [Logan chuckles] Actually, we don't know what's gonna go on next week, do we? LOGAN: I guess not. But it's good -- you got him a bunch of stuff to read. HOSPITAL - CAFETERIA [Lorelai and Emily in line for food] EMILY: I hardly know what anything is. That pale misshapen thing, is that a sandwich or a piece of chicken. LORELAI: Maybe it's a chicken sandwich, oh no it's Quiche. EMILY: That's a Quiche? LORELAI: Quiche. EMILY: That blobby white thing is suppose to be Quiche Lorraine. LORELAI: Doesn't say it's Quiche Lorraine, maybe it's Quiche blobby white thing. EMILY: The audacity charging money for this. LORELAI: Well it's hospital food. EMILY: What's that suppose to mean? LORELAI: I'm just saying it's a cliché. EMILY: What is? LORELAI: Hospital food being bad. EMILY: Exactly! LORELAI: What. EMILY: It's a cliché for a reason, clichés are just true things people are tired of being true. Like a "penny saved is a penny earned", well it is invested wisely. LORELAI: I don't think that's a cliché mom. EMILY: What do you mean, of course it's a cliché. LORELAI: It's not a cliché its more an over used saying like um "Sweating bullets" or "It's as cold as ice". EMILY: Well some over used sayings are true, like "Children should be seen and not heard". LORELAI: "Mother knows best" EMILY: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" [Emily's cell phone rings] EMILY: Hello, oh Quentin hello. [Emily walks off leaving Lorelai with the food trays, she follows Emily to a table] EMILY: No I'm not busy at all, you haven't interrupted a thing, thank you for returning my call so promptly. Oh that's very kind Quentin, that's right, yes. Oh I'm fine, thank you. Listen it's been a while since some of the paperwork, yes I was wonder if you could fax some things over here to the hospital, I think I have access to a machine. Well the first thing I'd like you to fax is his will. [Lorelai looks surprised] That's right both the standard Will and the living Will. Well I'm not sure about the DNR provisions he established. Oh that would be wonderful, thank you Quentin, talk to you soon bye. LORELAI: Mom who was that? EMILY: Do we like this table or are we too close to that man with the IV. Honestly shouldn't there be a separate dining area for sick people, doesn't seem right. LORELAI: Mother you're getting dads will faxed here? EMILY: Yes. LORELAI: Why you need to read it right now? EMILY: Well yes. LORELAI: You want to make sure he left you the Mercedes and Jag? EMILY: I don't care what you think I'm being pragmatic. LORELAI: You know what, I'm not hungry any more. [Lorelai gets up and leaves] GILMORE MANSION - FRONT DOOR [Logan is saying good bye to the fish man] FISH MAN: Yeah, that's a good one. LOGAN: [Laughing] Yeah, all right. [Closes the door, Rory coming down the stairs] RORY: Here's this. I also found a bunch of his albums -- Bobby Short singing Cole Porter, a couple of his favorite Gershwin ones -- "Rhapsody in Blue" and "An American in Paris" -- also a couple of Scott Joplin records, although Scott Joplin might be a little zazzly for the hospital. LOGAN: Yeah, I don't know what their policy about ragtime is. RORY: Oh, I also found "Chuck Berry at the Fillmore," which I gave him for his 60th birthday. Also, a little Schubert and Debussy, which should be nice and relaxing. Although I didn't find the Bing Crosby album I wanted. It's with his son Gary. It's this song called "When You and I were Young, Maggie Blues." And when grandpa hears it he sings along and says, "I always wanted to be a crooner." LOGAN: Maggie Blues, you want me to help you look? RORY: Well I looked, I looked in two closets and under a couch, and all I found was the sleeve. I mean I could take it just for decoration, but then it might underline the fact that we don't have "Maggie Blues." LOGAN: Yeah I'd bring it. RORY: Yeah? LOGAN: Yeah. So the fish man successfully unloaded all the fish per your grandmother's request. RORY: Oh good and everything worked out with the check? LOGAN: Yep, the fish man was happy because I laughed at his C.O.D. Joke. RORY: Hmm? LOGAN: C-o-d -- cod. RORY: Ohh. LOGAN: Yeah, just like that. RORY: Hmm. That fish man, he's a funny one. LOGAN: Believe me, I know. I'm Hardy to his Laurel. RORY: Okay we have a deck of cards, we have the chessboard. We have what I think is a backgammon set. I grabbed grandma two outfits, grabbed her a pair of pants because I wanted her to be comfortable, but then I thought that might be offensive to her. LOGAN: Offensive how? RORY: I have no idea. So then I grabbed a skirt, but then that opened up the whole stockings, pantyhose, "going through my grandma's underwear drawer" can of worms. And each outfit needs a different top and a pair of shoes. Do you want to know who rivals Imelda Marcos? LOGAN: Emily Gilmore? RORY: It's unbelievable. No biped needs that many pairs of shoes. Oh do you know what else I wanted to grab? By grandpa's bed, there is a bookmarked copy of "A Monetary History of the United States." LOGAN: Because who doesn't love Milton Friedman? RORY: Well I saw Milton Friedman's name on the syllabus, so I though maybe he'd want it. LOGAN: Hey! RORY: What, what's that? LOGAN: Bing Crosby and Gary Crosby. RORY: Oh, no way! LOGAN: It was in the wrong sleeve. He can croon with "Maggie Blues." RORY: Oh, perfect. LOGAN: Alright I'm gonna start loading this stuff in the car. RORY: Okay. Logan? LOGAN: Ace. RORY: Thank you. Thank you so much for everything. LOGAN: Of course. But you don't have to thank me. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. HOSPITAL - GIFT SHOP [Emily enters] EMILY: There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere. LORELAI: [Sighs] Oh, yeah? EMILY: I just got these faxed, and... LORELAI: Oh mum please, can we drop this? EMILY: I need to verify your social-security number. LORELAI: I don't want to give you my social-security number right now. Why don't you help me pick out a little gift for dad. EMILY: What do you think I'm trying to do, run a con, steal your identity? LORELAI: No mum I've just had enough of talking about social securities and wills, okay? EMILY: Your father's lawyer faxed these over from the bank, and I need your social-security number. LORELAI: You have got to be kidding me. EMILY: What would I be kidding about? LORELAI: You're acting like dad is dead. Dad is not dead. EMILY: Lorelai, six years ago, when your father was in the hospital, we were completely unprepared, and we agreed to never let that happen again. So we made a plan, and I am simply following through on the plan. LORELAI: So your plan was to chat up Persephone's to make sure you don't lose your special table and to order tons of swordfish and salmon to keep your skin glowing and to happily discuss with Quentin whether or not dad should be resuscitated? EMILY: These are things that need to be dealt with. LORELAI: No what has to be dealt with is that dad could be dying. What you're dealing with is phone calls and a checklist. You're not his secretary. You're his wife. EMILY: Yes and what do you know about being a wife? You've been married for what -- 40 days? That's nothing. Your father and I have been married for over 40 years. For 2/3 of my life, I have been the wife of Richard Gilmore. I run his household. I plan his meals. I buy his clothes, entertain his business associates. When he loses his reading glasses, I find them. When he wants a nightcap. I make it for him. If he can't remember the name of a colleague's wife, I whisper it in his ear. That's what I do -- I take care of him. That's my job. That's who I am. If I could be performing his surgery right now, I would be, but I can't -- it's out of my hands. [Voice breaking] It's out of my hands, and there's nothing I can do but wait. I could lose him, Lorelai. He's my whole life, and there's nothing I can do! LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: I'm sorry. This is inappropriate. LORELAI: No, it's not. It's fine. [Lorelai takes some tissues off the shelf and hands some to Emily] EMILY: [Sniffles] Oh, god, I'm a mess. [Sniffles] Did you just take those? LORELAI: Don't worry about it. Pay for it later. EMILY: [Sighs] HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM [Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Logan and sitting.] EMILY: Just a few more? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. [handing out some milk duds] They're good, right? EMILY: They stick in your teeth. [eating one] But, yes, they are good. Are there any more? LORELAI: Are you kidding? There's a ton. EMILY: Not too many. LORELAI: Oh mum there's no such thing. EMILY: I wonder why they call them "duds." LORELAI: I don't know. Do you guys know? LOGAN: Nope. RORY: I could make something up, but no. EMILY: Seems a rather counterintuitive name for a type of candy. DR. GOLDSTEIN: So, he's out of surgery, and it went extremely well. His recovery won't be immediate. He still has several days here at the hospital. But we can go over more of that later. He's groggy now and tired. After he gets some rest, you can all visit with him, but for now, maybe just his wife. EMILY: Thank you, doctor. LORELAI: Tell dad "Hi" from us, mom. EMILY: I will, Lorelai. [hands back the duds] HOSPITAL - RICHARDS ROOM EMILY: Everything's in order, you'll be glad to know. I called Harold Larkin and the chairman of the economics department. They both send their best wishes for a speedy recovery. I canceled our dinner reservations for the next couple of weeks. Oh and I sent regrets to Sarah Osgood, who's hosting the D.A.R. Spring fling this year. I left word for the Sudburys that we won't be able to host bridge this week. [Chuckles] Uh, what else? Oh, and I've been in touch with Quentin. He's been kept abreast of the whole situation. And I bought fish, Richard, so much fish -- uh, Tuna and Trout and Snapper and Salmon and... RICHARD: [Drowsily] Sounds just fine, Emily. That sounds just fine. HOSPITAL - EXTERIOR [Lorelai is on the phone] LORELAI: [Sighs] Hi, it's me -- again. Um, dad's out of surgery, and it went well, and he's doing fine, so... it's good news. I just -- I wanted you to know... because... I don't know why. 'Cause you haven't returned any of my calls. But I just thought I would, uh, tell you what's going on because... I'm your wife and...I think that's what I'm supposed to do. No idea how to be your wife, but I'm trying. You're my husband, you know, and... it seems like you should be here or call me back. I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what married people do, is be there for each other. But I know you're upset, and I know we had a fight, but this is just bigger than that, you know? It's my dad, and he's had a heart attack. And everybody's been here. I mean, I've talked to Sookie and even Michel and Patty and Babette, and they've all been here for me, but... [Exhales sharply] My husband's...not here. That's not okay, Chris, you know? It's not okay. [Lorelai ends the call and goes back inside] HOSPITAL - RICHARDS ROOM RORY: Here we go -- a little "Maggie Blues." ["Maggie blues" plays] RICHARD: Ahh. RORY: [Chuckles] That is Bing and Gary Crosby. LORELAI: Bing, why doesn't anybody name their kid "Bing" anymore? RORY: You could have named me "Bing." LORELAI: I thought about it but you didn't look like a Bing. RORY: I don't even know if I should be insulted. RICHARD: I wish I were a crooner. RORY: I also brought you some Gershwin, some Chuck Berry, and the Andrews Sisters. Ooh, and some Milton Friedman. LORELAI: The guy who sang "Spirit in the Sky"? RICHARD: No, that was Norman Greenbaum. RORY: No, Milton Friedman's the economist who won the Nobel prize in the '70s. I figured when you're sick of reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, you can pick up Friedman for a real mystery and deduce the disadvantages of government intervention in economic policy. LORELAI: So what do you say, dad -- here or Philadelphia? What's the call? RICHARD: I don't think I'd like to be in Philadelphia. I think I'd rather be in New Haven. LORELAI: Yeah, it's okay here. We can import cream cheese and cheesesteaks and any other kind of cheese. You look good, dad. This outfit's not really up to your usual J. Press standards, unless it's got some brass buttons I can't see, but...you look good. You look tall. RICHARD: I think I'm just gonna... close my eyes for... just a little minute. RORY: Is he asleep? LORELAI: I think so. Should we draw a mustache on him? RORY: He's already got a mustache. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. The music's nice. RORY: Yeah, it is, isn't it? LORELAI: Hey, Rory? RORY: Hey, mom? LORELAI: You know, I'm glad to see you doing so well with Logan. I'm happy that you're happy. Thanks. He's not half bad, that kid. He's almost okay. RORY: Yeah, he's all right. [Chuckles] Hey, uh, mom? LORELAI: Hey, uh, Rory? RORY: Um, do you...know where dad is? LORELAI: No, hon. For all I know, maybe he's in Philadelphia. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM [Dr Goldstein, Emily, Lorelai, Rory and Logan are walking to the waiting room] DR. GOLDSTEIN: So we should be able to move him out of the C.I.C.U. In 24 hours. And if everything goes as planned, he should be home in five or six days. EMILY: Everything will go as planned. I'm sure of it. DR. GOLDSTEIN: now if you like I can show you the room where we'll be moving Richard tomorrow. EMILY: Absolutely, does it have a window? The room he's in has a window so small, it's almost a peephole. DR. GOLDSTEIN: I believe it does have a window. LORELAI: [spotting Luke] Go ahead. I'll be right there. RORY: Okay, mom. LUKE: Make sure they get it, just be careful of this bag here, 'cause it's leaking a little bit. LORELAI: Hey, you're back. LUKE: Oh. Hey. I just I didn't want to bug you. I just wanted to drop off some food for you guys and get going. LORELAI: Luke you didn't have to do that. LUKE: No it's all right. Just I wanted to make some stuff anyway, so... all right, I'm gonna get out of here now. LORELAI: He's okay. The surgery went well. LUKE: Oh, that's terrific. That is such good news. LORELAI: He's doing really well they think he'll be able to go home in a couple days. LUKE: Oh, that's so good. Yeah. So, how's he looking? LORELAI: Um...he looks good... big...tall. LUKE: That's good. Yeah, he's tall. He's a big man. He is a big, tall man. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY CHRISTOPHER: Oh, excuse me. NURSE: Can I help you? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I'm looking for Richard Gilmore. NURSE: And you are? CHRISTOPHER: I'm his son-in-law. NURSE: Okay he's in room B-10. It's just down the hall. Take a right at the nurses' station. CHRISTOPHER: Is he, uh... NURSE: the surgery went really well. He's resting comfortably, He's gonna be fine. CHRISTOPHER: Okay good. Alright so down the hall, right? NURSE: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM LUKE: Okay so look, I got a couple of burgers, assortment of sandwiches. There's some salads in case all of a sudden you want to eat some salad. LORELAI: Mm hmm. LUKE: All right, couple pieces of pie, half a dozen chocolate-chip cookies, and, of course, there is the fish bag. LORELAI: You brought a fish bag? LUKE: Well I heard somebody talking about fish. There's two fillets, okay, Lobster roll, fish tacos, two Tuna-fish sandwiches, some fried fish, and fish sticks. LORELAI: [seeing Chris] Hi. You're here. CHRISTOPHER: I'm here. LUKE: All right, I'm gonna get going. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, you should. [Chris and Luke share looks] LUKE: I'm glad your dad's doing good. [Luke leaves] LORELAI: Why didn't you call me? I didn't think you were coming. CHRISTOPHER: Clearly. LORELAI: No, he just brought food. I didn't call him. CHRISTOPHER: I don't want to talk about this here... LORELAI: What... CHRISTOPHER: Not now. RORY: Dad. Hey. EMILY: Christopher, I'm so glad you're here. CHRISTOPHER: Of course, of course. I'm so glad to hear that Richard's okay. How you doing, kiddo? RORY: I'm okay. I think we're gonna go visit grandpa again. Do you want to come? I'm sure he'd be happy to see you. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah that'd be great. RORY: Okay, come on. EMILY: It'll be all right. Every cloud has a silver lining. LORELAI: Thanks, mom. EMILY: Well, blood is thicker than water. LORELAI: Hmm. [Lorelai looks at the bags of food Luke left]
Plan: A: Rory; Q: Who is met by Logan? A: unexpected comfort; Q: What do Lorelai and Rory receive while at the hospital? A: Christopher; Q: Who won't return Lorelai's calls? A: Luke; Q: Who helps Emily keep her social calendar? A: Emily; Q: Who is distraught by Richard's death? A: a helicopter; Q: How does Logan get to the hospital? A: his emotions; Q: What betrays Christopher when he speaks to Lorelai? A: their fight; Q: What is Christopher still mad at Lorelai about? Summary: Lorelai and Rory receive unexpected comfort and some grief while at the hospital and at Richard's side: Christopher won't return Lorelai's calls, but Luke is there for her and the family. Emily is so distraught that she tries to distract herself by maintaining her rigorous social calendar with Luke offering to help her out in keeping up her appearances. Rory is met by Logan, who flies to the hospital in a helicopter. When Christopher finally does arrive, he speaks words of sympathy to Lorelai, but his emotions betray him: he's still mad at her from their fight
[Scene: Joey and Audrey's dorm room. Joey is packing a bag, while Audrey is trying to do anything she can to slow her down.] Audrey: I don't want to go to rehab. Joey: Too bad, sister. You're going. Audrey: Joey, I gotta tell you something. I read the brochures, and it doesn't look like a whole lot of fun. Joey: Audrey, do you remember how I found you unconscious the other night? Audrey: Duh. I was unconscious. Joey: You remember how the doctor said you could've died? Audrey: Don't you think he was being just a tad dramatic? I mean, I am sure that I'm not the first college student to suffer a mild case of alcohol poisoning, and I'm reasonably certain that I'm not gonna be the last. Joey: Audrey. You have a problem. A big problem. You need help. You need to be around people who love and care about you. Audrey: Right. And those people would be? Joey: Your parents? Audrey: [Snickers] Yeah. And thanks for calling 'em, by the way, because that was a fun conversation. Joey: My pleasure. Hey, do you want this? [Joey holds up a sweater.] Audrey: Mmm...no. That doesn't accentuate the rack enough. Joey: Audrey, you're going to rehab. I think you might want to focus more on getting better and less on getting laid. Audrey: Well, I don't see why a girl can't do both. I mean, what if Ben Affleck is there? He is the sexiest man alive, you know. Ooh, that reminds me. Did you pack my Jane magazines? I missed, like, 5 issues while I was out wasted and whatnot. Joey: Yeah. They're in here along with the stack of In Style and a tape full of Trading Spaces that I made for you. Audrey: Joey potter... you are a dream. And don't you forget it. Joey: I won't. [Telephone rings] Joey: Hello. Oh. Um, yeah. She'll be right down. Thank you. [Joey hangs up the phone and turns to Audrey] Joey: Well, your cab's here. Audrey: Joy. Joey: Gimme a big hug. Get better soon. Ok? Audrey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joey: You can do this. Audrey: Blah, blah, blah. [Sighs] Can I have a drink at the airport? Joey: No. Audrey: Just a little one? Joey: Sorry. Audrey: Bitch! Joey: And if you do have s*x with Ben Affleck, call me. I want to hear how it is. Audrey: Oh, well, you will get one. Ok. I shall return. And when I do, I will be clean, sober, and a hell of a lot more boring. Joey: I can't wait. Audrey: Seriously, Joey... just thank you for... for everything-- for not giving up on me and all that. I kinda love you for it. Joey: You're a royal pain, and I love you, too. Ok. You can do this. [Deep sigh] Fly safe. Audrey: Ok. [They hug and Audrey grabs her bag and leaves. When she is out in the hall she stops by a corner in the hallway and leans against it] Audrey: [Sighs] [Opening credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey is late for something, and her printer is not printing at a speed that she feels is good enough, and is quickly getting impatient with it. She is in her coat and has her bag in her arms and is ready to go but the printer is holding her up.] Joey: Come on, come on. [Te document finishes printing and she quickly grabs it and shoves it into her bag. ] Joey: Ok. [she opens the door to leave and sees Eddie standing outside the door.] Eddie: Hey. Joey: Hey. Eddie: How you been? Joey: What do you want, Eddie? Eddie: I won't keep you. I... I just wanted to say good-bye. Joey: Really. 'Cause that's not really your style, is it? To what do I owe the honor? Eddie: [Chuckling] Man, the thing that always gets me about you, Joey, is that you're 10 times sexier when you're angry. And you seem to be angry at me a lot. Lucky me, I guess. Joey: Yeah. Well, it's nice seeing you. Keep in touch. Eddie: Wait. I've been thinking a lot about what you said that night. About taking chances, you know? About...not givin' up on myself. You were right about everything, Joey. I was afraid. Joey: You're...tellin' me this why, exactly? Eddie: I'm...goin' to California. Yeah. My sister lives out there. I'm gonna crash with her and her family. I've got an appointment with that school. Joey: That's great. Eddie: Yeah. And believe it or not, Hetson actually wrote me a recommendation. It looks like there might be some kind of scholarship for me. I mean, I don't know if anything will ever come of it, you know, but... I'm just gonna go for it, you know? Give it a shot. Joey: Good for you. Eddie: Yeah. Good for me. Joey: So...when are you leaving? Eddie: Tonight. Car's all packed. You know. Just me and the open road. Um... I'll let you get to class. You know, I just... I just wanted to say thank you... for everything. I owe you big time, Joey Potter. Joey: Good luck out there. Eddie: Yeah. Listen... I know you hate my guts... but you think a hug would be out of the question? Joey: [Sighs softly] [they hug. And they are both enjoying it without letting the other one know. Then Eddie kisses Joey and the phone rings in her room] [Telephone rings] Joey: Excuse me. Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. Liddell. What?! Where is she, then? Ok, uh...let me check, and I'll call you back. Eddie: What is it? What's wrong? Joey: Remember how you said you owed me big time? Eddie: Yeah. Joey: I may be collecting a lot sooner than I thought. [Scene: The movie set. Dawson is attempting to shoot the re-shots of the movie. They are shooting a scene with Natasha in it, and she comes running around the front of a car, while a guy playing her boyfriend is chasing her and tickling her.] Natasha: No tickling! I told you... no means no! Ha ha ha ha! Dawson: And cut! Awesome. Check the gate. We're movin' on. Frank: Moving on to what, exactly? Dawson: Next scene. Frank: I see. So I guess you weren't planning on getting any coverage here. Dawson: Um, I'm sorry. I said--I got excited. Not the next scene. I meant next shot. Frank: Which is? Dawson: I'm thinking dueling overs. Frank: [Chuckling] How interesting. 'Cause I'm thinking... that's not gonna work. It's impossible to light dueling overs. What else you got? Dawson: Ok. W-what would you suggest? Frank: I don't know. A couple years of film school, maybe. That chair doesn't make you a director, kid. [Frank laughs and then walks off, and several other cast members are giggling as well. Natasha comes walking up to Dawson as he stands there shaking his head.] Natasha: Can I ask you something? Dawson: Sure. Natasha: This scene... Dawson: Yeah? Natasha: Why does it suck so much? Dawson: [Sighs] You don't like it? Natasha: I hate it. Who wrote this crap? Dawson: I did. Natasha: Ooh. Well...could you maybe find a way to say some of this smarter? [Cell phone rings] Dawson: Um...hold that thought. [Dawson answers his cell phone] Dawson: Hello. Mom. [Chuckles] Dawson: Hey. Yeah. You know, can I call you back? This is really not a good time. I've--uh, yeah. I've--I'm eating fine. Ok. Yeah. Bye. [He hangs up and sees Natasha giggling at him] Natasha: How mommy doing? Dawson: [Sighs] She's great. Now, where were we? We were talkin' about how much I sucked. Right? Natasha: Right. So these pages, in addition to their general suckage, seem to imply that Claire needs to get naked. Dawson: Yeah. The studio wanted a little bit of gratuitous T&A. But don't worry. I plan to shoot it very tastefully. Natasha: Oh. Good to know, Dawson. But I'm not getting naked. Dawson: What do you mean? Natasha: I don't do nudity. Dawson: But— Natasha: No buts about it. I'm not gettin' naked. No means no. You know? Dawson: [Sighs] [Scene: Outside the Lindley's House. Grams gets out of the car parked out front, and slams the door.] Grams: Well, I never! [Jen comes walking up and sees Grams upset.] Jen: Whoa. Grams? Hey. Hey, hey. What's wrong? What is it? Grams: I think Clifton Smalls and I have just broken up. Jen: No! I thought you two were terminally smitten. What...what happened? Grams: He wanted me— Jen: What?! Grams: To... Jen: Is this about s*x? Did he want you to do something— Grams: no, no, no. Everything's fine in that area. [Takes deep breath] A-any reference to Mr. Smalls' surname is a--a misnomer, so let's leave it at that. Jen: Oh! Grams: He wanted me to convert Jen: What? To convert what? Grams: To Judaism. Jen: Clifton Smalls is Jewish? Grams: He most certainly is. Jennifer, I can't do that. I can't turn my back on my faith. Jen: Big baby Jesus would have a fit. I'm sorry. Blasphemy, whatnot. Come on! You deserve so much better than that. Clifton smalls is a freak. Grams: Well, that's just it, Jennifer. Clifton Smalls is not a freak. Clifton smalls... is a wonderful man. [Scene: Some Apartment Building. Joey and Eddie come walking up to door #34 and begin knocking on the door.] [Knocking] Joey: Audrey, open up. I know you're in there. Audrey [Some guy opens the door and a huge puff of smoke comes out into the halls.] Bob: Where's the food? [Coughs] Who are you? Bob: I'm Bob. Joey: Audrey Audrey! Where the hell's Audrey? Bob: Oh, is that the blonde girl? Joey: Audrey You spent the night with my friend, and you don't even know her name? Bob: Well, we didn't really do much talkin', if you know what I mean. We porked. Joey: Audrey Where is she?! Bob: She's in the crapper. She went in there a while ago. [Joey goes over to the door of the bathroom and opens it and Eddie comes with her. She sees Audrey lying motionless in the bathtub] Joey: Aah! [Audrey wakes up and quickly covers herself seeing everyone] Audrey: Aah! Joey: Aah! Audrey: Aah! Eddie: Aah! Audrey: Aah! Joey: Audrey! What are you doing?! Audrey: Taking a bath! And I fell asleep! What does it look like I'm doing?! [Joey hands her a robe and she gets out of the tub] What the hell is he doin' here? I thought you two were splits Ville. Joey: Nice to see you, too, Audrey. You didn't show up for rehab. Audrey: You know, you've really got an eye for the detail. How long have you been on the force, detective? Joey: What happened? Audrey: Hey, is that guy still out there? Joey: Bob? Audrey: Is that his name? Oh, we didn't really do a lot of talking, if you know what I mean. Joey: Where did you find him? Audrey: I was doing karaoke around the corner at some bar, and I did this guns 'n' roses song, and the kid just started worshipping me. Joey: Look, that's it. I've heard enough. Ok? Pack your bags. Let's go. Audrey: Where? Joey: Eddie's driving to L.A., And I'm gonna take you to rehab. Audrey: [Audrey scoffs] Joey... just...don't get all after-school special on me now. I mean, it is sweet and everything, but it kinda gives me dumb chills. I'm not goin' to rehab. You're just gonna have to deal with it. Joey: Fine! Fine. Don't go to rehab. But at least come with us. I mean, clear your mind or something. I mean, do you really want to be hiding out Bob: [Coughing] Joey: With the likes... Bob: [Coughing] [Bob comes up to join them in the bathroom.] Bob: Guys mind if I pee? Audrey: Ok. I'll come on one condition. I get to bring Bob. Joey: No way! Audrey: Fine. Then I'm staying here. Joey: You don't even like him. Audrey: Sure, I do. He's 21. He can buy us drinks. Bob, I'll have you know, is an outstanding lay. Bob: I am? Audrey: Yes, bob, you are. Bob: Hear that, veronica? Betty thinks I'm an outstanding lay. Want a piece? Joey: Fine. Bob can come. Get your stuff. We'll be in the car. [Joey and Eddie leave them alone] Bob: Mmhh. So, where we goin', baby? Audrey: [Sighs] We are goin' to L.A. Bob: Cool. That's where Ozzy lives. You know, you have really beautiful breasts. And someone should tell you that every day. [Looks over at Audrey as she is rubbing some lotion on her hands] Bob: [Coughs loudly] Rub that lotion. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Eddie's Jeep. Joey, Eddie, Audrey and Bob have started their trip on the road. Audrey and Bob are asleep in the back seat while Eddie is driving and Joey is staring silently out the window at nothing at all. Joey notices that Eddie keeps looking over at her.] Joey: What? Eddie: Nothing. It's just you haven't said a word in, like, 4 hours. Joey: What do you want me to say? Eddie: Well, for starters, how about, "thank you for helping me out with all this"? Joey: You're the one who said you owed me big time. Besides, it's not like it's really out of your way or anything. Eddie: Well, it's really more about simple human kindness, Joey. Joey: Oh, this from a guy who dropped out of my life without so much as a passive-aggressive e-mail? How does that fit into your definition of "simple human kindness"? [Audrey stirs awake in thee back seat] Audrey: Mmmhhh... where are we? Joey: Somewhere in North Carolina. Audrey: Oh, mama! The south will rise again. Ok, you guys... [Yawns loudly] This road trip blows! Ok, for starters, the classic rock has gotta go. And secondly, we haven't stopped to do anything fun. It's not like we're in a rush! We should stop and smell the roses! [The sound of a loud fart breaks the silence] Joey: Oh, my god. Joey: Ohh! Eddie: Ohh! Audrey: Ohh! Eddie: Oh, god! Audrey: Man! What is that? [The all begin opening windows] Eddie: Man! That's not me. I did not— Audrey: Oh, I am gonna throw up. [Gagging] [Bob suddenly wakes up] Bob: What's wrong, sugar? Audrey: Ohh! Bob: Ohh! What is that? Audrey: It's you, you freak! Bob: Oh. I'm sorry. My... my ass was relaxed while I was sleeping. [he farts again] Joey: Ohh! Ohhh! That is so disgusting! Audrey: Bob! I can't believe that I slept with you! Bob: I can't believe it, either, you know. Look, I've been wantin' to talk to you about somethin', ok? You know, when you're done with your whole little, uh, rehab thing, if you're, uh, in the market for a new addiction, I know this drug called b-o-b. [Chuckles] Bob: But I'm, you know, I'm sayin' I want to make us work, is what I'm sayin'. Audrey: All right, well we'll see about it, buddy. Bob: That's cool. That's really cool. Audrey: You know, we're gonna have to do something about the s*x thing, Bob: What are you talking about? U--you told her I was an outstanding lay. Audrey: Ehh...it was a little brief. Don't you think? Bob: Well...you know... you--you--you-- you set one pace. You know, I was givin' it nice and slow, and then you went all hellcat on me. I can't-- I can't do that. Audrey: Oh! So it's my fault! Bob: Well, you're just-- you're just too good. That's what it is. [Scene: The movie set. Dawson is setting up a shot through the view finder of the camera., and then looks over some notes. He is about to make a phone call when the female executive that suggested him for the job walks up.] Executive: Dawson! How are you? Dawson: I'm great. Executive: Don't lie to me. Dawson: Excuse me? Executive: Don't lie to me. You're behind, the dailies are weak, was supposed to be 3 days of reshoots, now looks like 5. You have a meltdown on your hands here, Dawson. How you deal with this will define your career. Other than that, keep up the good work, sweetie pie. [She leaves him alone, and he grabs his phone and begins dialing.] Dawson: Todd Carr, please. It's Dawson. Leery. Leery. I trained you, remember? Well, can you try him on his cell phone? Please? [Sighs] All right, just leave word then. [He hangs up and Natasha who heard him on the phone walks over to join him.] Natasha: Not so easy, is it? Dawson: What do you mean? Natasha: Well, obviously you were hoping that Todd would just swoop in and save you. Dawson: Listen, Natasha, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot yesterday. What can I do to make today a more pleasant experience? Natasha: Well, in lieu of finding me a real director to work with, I'd settle for you trying to explain the scene to me. Dawson: What do you wanna know? Natasha: Well, for starters, you've given Claire this enormous speech that seems to be a whole lot of exposition. Dawson: 'Cause it is exposition. We need to explain all the stuff we cut out. Natasha: Oh. Well, that's all well and good, Dawson, but I think... all that you're shooting for here can be accomplished in a simple look. Dawson: A look? Natasha: Between Claire and the killer. Dawson: A look? Natasha: Are you retarded, Dawson, 'cause you seem a little retarded right now? Dawson: No. I just don't think that's gonna work. Natasha: Well, you better get used to the idea because I'm not saying any of this. [She storms off and Frank has walked up behind them and is looking through the view finder of the camera, at the shot that Dawson has set up.] Frank: So that's your shot? Dawson: Yeah. What do you think? [he laughs and walks away, while another older assistant looks at him weird and then back at Dawson who sighs and shakes his head. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Gas Station. Joey and Eddie some out of the gas station. Eddie is carrying a bag and a tray full of coffees and Audrey is standing on the hood of the jeep as they walk up to it.] Eddie: Hey, you think maybe you could get off there? Audrey: Why? Eddie: Because it's dangerous. Not to mention, completely disrespectful. Audrey: What are you talking about? This car's a piece of crap. Eddie: I'm sure it pales in comparison to whatever trendy little BMW you have waiting for you back in 90210-land, but this is all I have. Audrey: Well, then I guess it sucks to be you, huh? Eddie: It's wrong to hit girls, right? Joey: Sadly, yes. Eddie: That's what I thought. Just checking. Audrey: Hey, you know, Eddie. I bet you're gonna look really hot pumping gas. Maybe that should be your next career move. Joey: Audrey, you're not funny. [She hops down and walks towards the passenger side of the jeep] Audrey: I am many things, Joey Potter, but not funny is not one of them. Joey: You should really lay off of him. I know you can't see it right now, but he's actually doing you a huge favor. Audrey: You know, since when are you in such a rush to defend blue collar Robby? And didn't he basically just reveal himself as a major league scum sucker with his little disappearing act? He bailed on you. Not exactly behavior becoming the world's best boyfriend now, is it? [Eddie sets the coffee and bag on the top of the car, while Joey is putting her cell phone back into her coat pocket] Audrey: Who were you just talking to? Joey: When? Audrey: Just now on your cell. Joey: Oh. I was just checking my messages. Audrey: Oh. Well, can I use it because I gotta make a call? Joey: Sure. [Audrey grabs her phone and hits the button to get the last number dialed] Audrey: Well, pants on fire, Joey. Joey: What? Audrey: You were talking to my mom. Joey: She's worried about you, Audrey. Audrey: I'm not going to rehab, ok? I already told you that. And if she's so worried about me, then where the hell is she? I mean did she fly out here when she heard that I was in trouble? No. She put me on a plane. And you wanna know something? You're no better. Joey: What? Audrey: This little road trip idea of yours, it certainly makes for a handy-dandy excuse to spend some quality time with your working class hero, now, doesn't it, Joey? Joey: You know what? You're very wrong about that. Audrey: I don't think so. You--why don't you just have the guts to tell me the truth? Stop wrapping it up in noble intentions because this isn't about me...clearly. It's about him. [Audrey opens the car door] Bob: Hey, don't break the seal. Don't break the seal! [Audrey gets into the jeep, while Joey goes over to Eddie who is still filling up the gas tank] Joey: I'm sorry. Audrey's a mess. I'm... starting to think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Eddie: Well, don't worry about it. Besides, it's a hell of a lot more interesting than going alone. [Engine starts] Eddie: Yo! [Audrey and bob drive off in the jeep, ripping the gas hose off the tank as they drive off. Joey and Eddie just stand there in shock] [Scene: The Help Center. Jen and CJ are sitting at their desks waiting for calls, but they are not getting any. CJ is reading a book to pass the time, but Jen is obviously bored.] Jen: What is wrong? CJ: Nothing. What do you mean? Jen: The phone's aren't ringing. It's freaking me out. CJ: Why? Can't you enjoy the peace and quiet for a change? Jen: Maybe my Grams will call. CJ: How is she? Jen: I found her this morning staring at the phone, listening to Lionel Ritchie, just waiting for the phone to ring. It's breaking my heart. CJ: I know the drill. My, uh, uncle Bill, his wife died about a year ago, he was devastated. I mean, they were just like Ozzy and Sharon. Jen: Is he seeing anyone? CJ: No. No. He just discovered the internet. So the multitude of porno choices takes up most of his time. Jen: Hah. Sure. We should set them up. CJ: Hah. Yeah, right. Jen: You laugh. I'm serious. CJ: Yeah. I laugh. 'Cause my uncle Bill, he's, uh... he's not like most people. Jen: So, neither is my Grams. She's a freak. She's a thoroughly lovable freak, but she's a freak, nonetheless. Oh, come on, it'll be fun. I call my Grams, you talk to your uncle Will. CJ: Bill. Jen: Bill. [Scene: The side of a road. Eddie and Joey are walking down the road, and Eddie is trying to hitchhike a ride. While Joey walks slowly behind him. Eddie: Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [the car drives by without slowing down] Eddie: Thank you. You know, maybe you should try this. Joey: I'm not gonna shake my ass just to get a ride. Eddie: I didn't say you had to, but if you felt it was important to the task, well, that would be ok, too. [another car approaches] Eddie: Hey! [Whistles] [yet again the car does not stop] Joey: How can you joke at a time like this? Eddie: What do you expect? What are we gonna do? I mean, this is ridiculous. You try to help someone, your car gets stolen, and you're stuck on the side of the road with someone who hates you. Joey: I don't hate you, Eddie, ok? It's just this wasn't the plan. I mean, we're supposed to be over, you and me, done. Kaput. Eddie: Ah, I see, so you're saying it's not over. Joey: I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about Audrey. Eddie: Fine. Let's talk about Audrey. Joey: I can't figure out how to help her. I mean, I keep trying all different angles, but nothing seems to work. Eddie: You can't help her, Jo. That girl doesn't want anyone's help. Joey: You're probably right. I'm just having a hard time letting her go. I mean, you know, believe it or not, she wasn't this psycho. I mean, yeah, she's always been psycho, but in a good way. Eddie: Well, you're a good friend. I mean, that's why you're here. That's what friends do for each other, right? Joey: What are you getting out of it? Eddie: Isn't that obvious? I get to spend some time with you. Joey: I don't know about the whole friend thing. Maybe Audrey's right. Eddie: What do you mean? Joey: Well, she thinks that... this road trip isn't about her at all. It's really about me. Eddie: Ok. How does that work? Joey: Because I'm having trouble letting you go, too. Eddie: Jo— Joey: Which I know--it's, it's stupid and really sad, actually, because you've made it painfully clear how you feel about me. And yet, I'm just prolonging the inevitable, glutton for punishment. Eddie: Well... I guess I haven't made it clear how I feel about you. This is probably gonna sound, gonna sound cheesy, but... I've never cared about anyone the way I care about you. But it's too late. I screwed up. But the way I feel about you? I love you, Joey. Joey: You're right. It did sound cheesy. 'Cause you know what, Eddie? I can't for the life of me figure out how loving somebody translates into leaving them behind. [Scene: The movie set. Dawson walks over to a trashcan and leans over it, almost like he is ready to get sick. Natasha was sitting near by smoking a cigarette and Dawson didn't even see her.] Dawson: [Exhales] Natasha: What, are you getting sick or something? Dawson: [Sighs] You don't even care, Natasha, so don't bother asking. Natasha: Well, I never wanted you to puke your guts out over all this. Dawson: Well, I guess that's what happens when you watch your entire life's ambition disappear in front of your eyes. Natasha: Look, you've directed before, right? Dawson: Yeah, but it didn't bear the slightest resemblance to this experience. Natasha: Exactly. You're not back home making some silly little movie with your silly little friends. This is a whole different world with its own code of conduct. Here, you are not entitled to anyone's respect or admiration. You have to earn it. Hey, you are guilty until proven competent. You walk around like a deer in the headlights, you will get run down. Simple as that. And this whole puking thing, it's... it's unacceptable. Ok? If someone asks, say you have the flu or something. Dawson: Thanks. Natasha: Yeah, well... don't thank me. Just get your act together. [Scene: A fancy restaurant. Jen, CJ, Grams and Bill are all sitting down at a table together getting ready to eat.] Bill: So... Evelyn, what is it A... beautiful woman like yourself does for fun? Grams: Well... every so often, I do like to go to Las Vegas... and gamble. Bill: Outstanding. I love Vegas. Grams: Hmm. It's delightful, isn't it? You know, every month or so, my church group plans a trip. Bill: Ohh. Grams: What? Bill: Nothing. It's--it's just... don't tell me you're one of those religious broads. Grams: Well, I, uh, I certainly would describe myself as religious, yes, but I would appreciate it if you would not refer to me as a broad. Bill: Why not? Grams: It's demeaning to women. Bill: Oh, no, it's not. I called my wife a broad at least twice a day for 42 years. Grams: How lovely for her. [Jen sees this as her time to try and break the tension in the air.] Jen: So anyone seen any good movies? Bill: Holy Moses! CJ: What? Bill: I think there's a pubic hair in my soup. Take a look at this. Does that look like a pubic hair to you? CJ: Uncle bill, just, uh... Bill: Ok, maybe it's not one, but it's definitely some kind of hair. Antisocial perverts. Grams: [Muttering] Disgusting. Bill: All right, lady, what's your problem? Grams: Excuse me? Bill: Well, you're a real downer. I mean, you're sitting here, staring into your soup, and every once in a while, you mumble some derisive comment, when you should be going to see your doctor. Grams: What are you talking about? Why should I go see my doctor? Bill: So he can remove that polar icecap you got wedged up your butt. Grams: Oh... [Grams leans her head down] Jen: Grams? [Jen thinks Grams is crying, but in actuality she is laughing and it become obvious when she breaks out laughing and everyone follows suit.] [Scene: The movie set. Dawson comes walking out to the set that they are getting ready to shoot on, and sees Frank sitting behind the camera looking at the shot, and then he notices that the whole set has been changed around. He looks around at everyone, seeing everyone looking at him including the female executive from earlier. Dawson walks over and waves his hand in front of the cameral lens to get Frank's attention. Frank has taken it upon him self to take control.] Dawson: Hey. Frank: What do you need, kid? Dawson: This isn't the shot we talked about. I know. Frank: The shot we talked about was lame. This one kicks ass. [Camera assistant laughs] Frank: Hey, just move. [Dawson sees the assistant that was there earlier and looked weird at Franks first outburst at Dawson] Dawson: Can I ask you something? Could you D.P. This shoot? Man: What? Dawson: Could you D.P. This shoot? Man: Well, in theory, yeah. Dawson: Excellent. Frank! Frank: Yeah? Dawson: You're fired. Frank: What? Dawson: You heard me. You're fired. Frank: You're kidding me, right? [The camera assistant laughs again] Dawson: You're next. Anyone else want to get fired? Huh? Anyone? All right, we're starting over. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dawson Leery, and I'm the director here. If anyone has a problem with that, get the hell off my set and stop wasting my time. Natasha, this is the script. Familiarize yourself with it because unless you want to keep all these good people away from their families, you're gonna say every single word that's on those pages, and I could care less whether you agree with them or not. Are we clear? Good. All right, people, let's move! 'Cause I will fire you, and I will humiliate you, and I will do it well because I learned from the master. [He goes and emphatically sits in the directors chair, and the Executive walks over to him.] Executive: You have no idea how close you were to getting fired. [Scene: A bar at the side of the road. Audrey is on stage singing Karaoke and Bob is passed out at one of the tables near by] Audrey: ...A time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark there's nothin' I can do a total eclipse of my heart [Cheering and applause] [she walks down over to Bob, and sees that her beer is empty.] Audrey: Oh, Bob, we hardly knew ye. [she walks over to the bar to get another. And a guys sitting there is staring at her.] Audrey: Hey, can I get another one, please? Man: That was tasty, baby. Audrey: Well, thank you. That is a very tasty haircut you got there, if you don't mind me saying. Man: Yeah. Chicks dig the hair. Where you from? Audrey: Not really from these parts. Man: Cool. Hey, uh, you wanna check out my ride? Audrey: Ok. But I just want you to know, I'm only going 'cause I think that my boyfriend over there is gonna get a kick out of the story later. Man: Kinky. [they go outside and see he monster truck outside] Audrey: Well, this is one hell of a pick-up truck you got there, chief. And kudos to you, man, for not skimping on the monster truck tires. Rock on, dude. [she turns to walk back inside, but he stops her] Man: Hey, hey, hey, where you goin'? Why don't you climb on in, check out the stereo? I got the new Metallica. Audrey: Well, that is a tempting offer, but I should really go check on my boyfriend. [she turns to leave again and he grabs her arm.] Man: Aw, come on, huh? Let the poor guy sleep. Audrey: No, I don't think so. Man: Just give me one little kiss, huh? Just a little kiss? Audrey: You know, you're really a charmer, really, but, actually, I just-- I can't. Because, actually, I'm a really bad kisser. You know? The worst. Like, I'm in all the books. Man: The way you were shaking your money-maker up there on stage, I could give a damn how you kiss. Audrey: Ok, now you're just getting rude. Man: Hey, all I care about is getting naked with you. Not so fast. [she tries to pull away, but he doesn't let go. She kicks him in the groin and he falls to the ground and she continues to kick him while he is down on the ground. At the same time Joey and Eddie come walking up to the bar and see Audrey kicking the guy.] Joey: Is that Audrey? Eddie: God! [they run over to her.] Audrey: What do you think gives you the right to do this to me?! [Eddie pulls Audrey off of the guy ] Eddie: That enough now. Joey: Audrey! Audrey! Audrey: [Sobbing] I'm so sorry, Joey. [Joey pulls Audrey to her] Joey: Ok. It's ok. Don't worry. Audrey: I think I'm ready to go to rehab. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the Lindley house. Jen, Grams, CJ and Bill are walking up to the house after their dinner together.] Bill: Want a vampire, Evelyn, I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to call it a night. Grams: Well... would you be taking a walk with an old fool? Bill: Surely, I'd love to. [Grams and Bill walk off together.] Jen: Wow. CJ: I don't know what to say. Jen: Maybe I didn't have such a half-bad idea after all, hmm? CJ: Yeah, I gotta hand it to you, Jen Lindley. You're a genius. Jen: Mmm. CJ: No, seriously, I haven't seen that old man have so much fun in years. Jen: Ah, if only I were such a genius in the rest of my life. CJ: What does that mean? Jen: As I'm sure you're already only painfully aware, I'm not half as good at figuring out my own love life. CJ: Aw, come on, you don't do that bad. Jen: The last boy I liked slept with my friend. CJ: You know, the one thing I can say about that is that if I knew you then the way that I do now, that wouldn't have happened. Jen: How come? CJ: Because I couldn't bear the thought of hurting somebody so amazing. Jen: You think I'm amazing? CJ: Pretty much. [He tries to kiss her, but she pulls away] CJ: Yeah. I deserve that. I do. It's, uh... [Jen smiles] Jen: I was just kidding. [She kisses him and they continue kissing as the camera pulls away.] [Scene: The movie set. They have just finished shooting their scene, and Dawson stands up from his director's chair.] Dawson: And cut! Check the gate. Everyone, thank you for a great day! That's a wrap! [He sits back down in the director's chair as everyone begins to disperse. Natasha walks up behind him and begins massaging his shoulders.] Dawson: Mmm. Sorry I had to yell at you. Natasha: Don't be sorry. Kinda turned me on, actually. So, you want to go get a drink or something? [Scene: Outside Audrey's House. They finally pull up in the jeep, and come to a stop. They all stare at the house for a second] Joey: Audrey, I had no idea. Audrey: Yeah. Kinda tacky, I know. The one in Malibu's much nicer. [They begins to get out of the car, and Eddie begins taking her bags out.] Audrey: Ooh. Ok, so, listen, I would give you a tip, but I only have hundreds, so... ok, I was kidding that time. Eddie: What, as opposed to the 450 other times? Audrey: Well, then I was just being a bitch. I'm sorry about that, by the way. This hasn't exactly been the best year for new people to get to know me. Eddie: Yeah, well, once you get past the obnoxiousness and the petty bitchery, you're not so bad, you know? You're kinda funny, Audrey. Audrey: Well, you're not so bad yourself, Eddie Doling. Eddie: That's not what your friend over there thinks. Audrey: You kidding? Of course she does. Why do you think this is so hard for her? She might not want to give you the satisfaction of knowing this, but you're gonna go down in the books as one of the great loves of Joey Potter's life, which, trust me, doesn't suck. Eddie: No. It most certainly does not. [Joey looks up at the house and then back to Audrey as Audrey comes walking over to her.] Joey: Do you want me to come in with you? Audrey: No. I should face the firing squad by myself. So...listen. I would say thank you and I'm sorry and all that, but I've said it before, and I don't want to insult you with empty words, so I'm just gonna try and get this thing under control. You know? It's gonna be hard because first I gotta figure out why I'm so friggin' unhappy. Joey: Come here. [They hug] When you do, you know, please remember how everyone in bean town loves you to death. Audrey: [Laughs] Joey: What? Audrey: Nothing. I mean, it's just... you know, who would've thought that the skinny, uptight prude I met at the beginning of my freshman year would be my best friend in the whole world? Now, as for you, young lady... Joey: Yeah? Audrey: It's time, you know. Joey, you have to let him go. Come here. [They hug and Eddie comes walking over to them] Eddie: Ok, we staying or going? 'Cause I got an appointment at that school. Audrey: No, you're going, all of you. [Audrey turns to try and wake up Bob who is asleep in the back seat of the car.] Audrey: Bob. [Pounds on roof of car] Bob: Are we there yet? Audrey: Uh, yes, bob, we're here. Joey: What are we gonna do about him? Audrey: I don't know. [suddenly Audrey has a big idea] Ohh! Wait, I have an idea. Come on, bob, you got some work to do. You and I stopped in Vegas, we got married. Bob: We did? Audrey: No, but that's what we're gonna tell my parents. It'll freak 'em out, take their mind off the other thing. Bob: Can we have s*x again? Audrey: No. Bob: What kind of honeymoon is that? I need to work on my hang time, sugar. Audrey: Ok, maybe. I'm not promising anything. Joey: Good luck. Audrey: Thanks. Eddie: Bye, guys. [Scene: Dawson's Place. Dawson comes walking into the bedroom after taking a shower, and sees Natasha packing her bag.] Dawson: Hey. You outta here? Natasha: Yeah, I have an audition. Dawson: All right. Good luck... or whatever. Natasha: Thanks. The last couple of days have been great, Dawson, but I have auditions and meetings coming up, and... Dawson: Don't worry about it. Natasha: Well, maybe in a couple of weeks when things are less crazy, we can— Dawson: Natasha, it's ok. Natasha: Really? Dawson: Yeah. Let's not be those people who make false promises to each other when they both know the truth. Natasha: Which is what? Dawson: That you were right all along. This is about s*x, which is not the worst thing in the world. I just wasn't used to it. Every relationship I've ever had, I've taken so damn seriously, I think I just forgot how to have fun. Natasha: Well, I'm glad I came along to remind you. Dawson: Me, too. Natasha: We will meet again, you know? Dawson: Oh, yeah? Natasha: Yeah. You'll be directing some big movie and be kind enough to throw me a bone and cast me, then we'll have another fabulous whirlwind romance, which will totally screw up both of our marriages, but it'll be totally worth it. Dawson: That sounds about right, except the part about me directing a big movie one day. Natasha: You'll get there, Dawson. I have a feeling out you. Which makes me wonder if I was wrong about us. Because the other day, watching you take control of the movie, I don't think I've ever been so proud of anyone in my life. Then again, I could have just been turned on by your vulgar display of authority. It's been lovely. Thank you. Dawson: My pleasure. Natasha: Oh, and just so you know, there will be other actresses. But I s the first, and don't you forget it. Dawson: Oh, won't. I promise. [Scene: The beach outside of the California School Campus. Joey and Eddie are walking along the walkway hand in hand, while admiring the beautiful scenery.] Joey: So what do you think? Eddie: It's beautiful. It's amazing. It's... it's freaking me out. Joey: Why? Eddie: You gotta understand, Jo, I mean, this is a world so far removed from anything that I know, that I can't even-- I can't even process it. Joey: That doesn't mean that you don't belong here. Eddie: Right, so I guess I should just ignore the urge to get back in the car and drive to Boston? Joey: Yes. Eddie: Yes? Joey: Yes. As much as I really want you to do just that. You're gonna be great, Eddie. I mean, a whole new world is about to open up for you. And if that doesn't work, you can always go back to pretending you're a student. Eddie: You know, I was thinking about what you said, about how hard it is to say good-bye, and I was thinking, well, maybe we shouldn't... say good-bye. Joey: How do we do that? Eddie: We make a plan to meet somewhere. Joey: When? Eddie: Um, I don't know. Say, what, a year from now? Joey: You know, a lot can happen in a year. You're probably gonna meet some willowy blonde poet chick, and before you know it, Joey Potter will just be some drama queen you knew when. Eddie: No, not gonna happen. Joey: No? Eddie: No Joey: So where we gonna meet? Eddie: What about Paris, huh? I mean, you've never been to Paris, right? Joey: No. Eddie: Well, we need to do something about that. Paris shouldn't be something you could have done once upon a time. Joey: It's a very nice daydream. Eddie: You know, it doesn't have be. Joey: Well, Mr. Doling, if, um... if something happens and we don't make it to Paris... I want you to know I'm not gonna forget you. You might just be the sweetest, nicest surprise that's ever happened to me. I guess that's my way of saying... I love you, too. If you don't mind, I'm gonna keep on loving you for as long as I can. [They hug for a very long time and then kiss one another very passionately for a very long time. The Cameras fade from one shot to another as they continue to kiss in one another's embrace as the day goes on and it begins getting darker, until the camera finally pulls away from them, and fades to black.]
Plan: A: Wicked Dead; Q: What show is Dawson directing in Los Angeles? A: Dawson; Q: Who adopts a take no prisoners attitude? A: his authority; Q: What does Dawson question when he refuses to do a nude scene? A: Heather Tracey; Q: Who questioned Dawson's authority? A: Natasha; Q: Who refused to do a nude scene? A: Todd; Q: Who does Dawson adopt a similar take no prisoners attitude to? A: the situation; Q: What does Dawson adopt an aggressive take-no-prisoners attitude to take control of? A: Boston; Q: Where is Joey unable to say good-bye to Eddie? A: Joey; Q: Who convinces Eddie to help Audrey to a rehab clinic? A: California; Q: Where is Eddie moving to? A: a college; Q: What is Eddie going to California to register at? A: cross country; Q: Where do Joey, Audrey, and a guy Audrey picks up drive? A: Jen; Q: Who spends time consoling Grams? A: her time; Q: What does Jen spend consoling a dumped Grams? A: a lonely Grams; Q: Who does Jen and C.J. set up with C.J.'s Uncle Bill? Summary: In Los Angeles, while directing re-shoots on "Wicked Dead", Dawson finds his authority questioned by Heather Tracey and the other producers when Natasha refuses to do a nude scene. As a result, Dawson adopts an aggressive take-no-prisoners attitude, similar to the one that Todd has, to take control of the situation. In Boston, Joey is unable to say good-bye to Eddie who is moving to California to register at a college when she convinces him to help her take Audrey to a rehab clinic in Los Angeles, and the three of them, plus a guy Audrey picks up, drive cross country where the four constantly quarrel with each other. Jen spends her time consoling a dumped Grams, and Jen and C.J. set a lonely Grams up with C.J.'s Uncle Bill, who turns out to be quite randy.
MUSIC IN: INT. CHOP SHOP - NIGHT (SFX: AUTO DRILLS/SAWS) RANDALL: Is it just me? Or are we getting faster at this? JONES: Faster's five cars in one night, newbie. You hear that?(SFX: CAR HONKS B.G.) RANDALL: Sounds like money to me. Now that's what I'm talking about!(SFX: GARAGE DOOR SLIDES OPEN) HOBIE: This baby is loaded! GPS Nav. Killer sound. We're going to get three gees for these rims alone. JONES: More, if the spare's alloy. (BEAT) What?(DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: NCIS! JONES: Don't shoot! Don't shoot! ZIVA: FREEZE! TONY: Hands in the air! HOBIE: Okay. Okay. All right. All right. GIBBS: Cuff them! MCGEE: Against the car. Assume the position! HOBIE: Okay. Okay. TONY: The first mistake was stealing tools from the motor pool, geniuses.(PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, it's Gibbs. I need prisoner transportation for three. Get a hold of Metro P.D. since we busted them on their turf. ZIVA: Gibbs? The car's not the only thing they've been chopping here. (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) (FLASHES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CHOP SHOP - NIGHT HOBIE: I swear we didn't kill anybody! Come on! It's not even our cooler! We had nothing to do with this! (DOOR CLOSES) (SFX: VAN PULLS AWAY) MCGEE: Do you believe him? GIBBS: They had a human head in the trunk of a car, McGee. What do you think? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CHOP SHOP - NIGHT TONY: First severed head? Mine was a motorcycle accident in Baltimore. I thought I was just picking up a helmet... ZIVA: (OVERLAP) Trust me, it's far worse when you know the person. TONY: You knew someone who was beheaded? ZIVA: A friend. He infiltrated a Hamas cell in Ramallah. Ah... they sent his head overnight express. TONY: I'm sorry. I didn't... ZIVA: That's when I decided that I'd...I'd never be captured alive. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CHOP SHOP - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS) DUCKY: You did me a favor tonight, Jethro. Tonight is Smack Down night at the Mallard residence. Can you believe it? Mother's favorite television program. Wrestling. JIMMY: Mine, too! I love the WWE. DUCKY: I haven't the heart to tell her it's not real. Where's the body? GIBBS: Three sailors running the chop shop, Duck. We found it in the trunk. TONY: You're not going to need the gurney for this one, Palmer. DUCKY: Oh, my. Decapitation. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT DUCKY: A most ancient form of execution, which the French elevated to a public spectacle. JIMMY: The guillotine. DUCKY: La Grande Terreur. The French Revolution. Scissors, please. Actually, the hideous machine was invented by a doctor, Joseph Guillotine. He proposed his machine be used because it was a humane form of capital punishment. ABBY: That's ironic. DUCKY: Yes, I'd say. Although the guillotine is mostly associated with the French, the Nazi's actually guillotined more people than the entire French Revolution. ABBY: That's pretty gruesome. DUCKY: Indeed. Hitler thought it was a demeaning form of punishment so he used it for political executions. ABBY: I was referring to the severed head, Ducky. DUCKY: Do you know how many people the Nazis decapitated between nineteen forty-two and nineteen forty-three? ABBY: Um... no. DUCKY: Over twenty thousand. JIMMY: I never cease to be amazed by the depth of your knowledge, Doctor. DUCKY: Yes, well one thing we can say for certain... beheading is not the cause of this poor man's demise. Look at the tissue reaction. It isn't engorged with blood from the severed capillaries and veins. JIMMY: So he was dead before his head was removed? ABBY: And for what sicko reason do you keep it preserved on ice? DUCKY: I don't know. But it's going to make determining the time of death impossible. As to cause, well, without the rest of the body.... Perhaps you can make us an I.D. ABBY: Lay some tissue samples on me, Duckman. DUCKY: I knew there was a reason I invited you down here. Would you do the honors, Mister Palmer? I need to take care of the paperwork. JIMMY: So....white meat or dark? (BEAT) Inappropriate? ABBY: With a big dash of creepy, Jimmy. JIMMY: It's my delivery. I have to work on that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Who is Naomi Krutzhammer? One of your girlfriends, yes? TONY: I'm trying to read my email here. You mind? ZIVA: Not at all. I didn't know your nickname was honeybuns. GIBBS: Only Naomi and I call him that. TONY: Didn't think you were going to say anything about that, Boss. GIBBS: Who owns the car with the head in the trunk? TONY: We don't know yet. GIBBS: You're readying your email and you don't know yet? TONY: We traced the VIN to a Mercedes dealership in Riverdale, which sold it two weeks ago. The registration's temporary and hasn't been processed by the DMV. ZIVA: We called the dealership. They don't open for another twenty five minutes. MCGEE: The car's registered to an Epsilon Corporation. GIBBS: Thanks for sharing, Probie. MCGEE: I just found it. Had to hack into the DMV's processing computer. TONY: Is that legal? ZIVA: I doubt it. TONY: I wonder what the penalty is? GIBBS: Less than reading your emails on my time, honeybuns. MCGEE: Corporate address is in care of Sean Oliver, Attorney at Law. Two two five Sheraton Street. ZIVA: Phone number, McGee. GIBBS: When they answer the phone, what are you going to say, Officer David? Hey, we found your car. Anybody at Epsilon missing a head? Tony, take Ziva with you. Go. That's a good job, McGee. MCGEE: Thank you, Boss. GIBBS: Tony's right. Hacking is illegal. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER LAW OFFICE - DAY TONY: I hate lawyers. ZIVA: I thought lawyers were an integral part of the American legal system. Defenders of civil liberties. TONY: This guy wouldn't know a civil liberty if he choked on it. You don't get an office like this working pro bono cases. ZIVA: You don't even know the man. TONY: I can tell you anything you need to know. ZIVA: Okay, what does he look like? TONY: The name "Sean" was popular in the nineteen sixties. I wonder why. That puts him in his forties. Probably has a comb over. Balding. Maybe even plugs. Shall I continue? ZIVA: Well, you're on a roll. TONY: Oliver. Old money. Esquire. Cheeseball pretentious. RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. If you'll follow me, please? TONY: Count your fingers after you shake his hand. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAW OFFICE - DAY SEAN OLIVER: (INTO PHONE) Okay, thanks. TONY: Of course, there are exceptions. SEAN OLIVER: So what can I do for NCIS today? ZIVA: I'm Special Agent DiNozzo. SEAN OLIVER: Nice to meet you. ZIVA: We recovered a stolen Mercedes registered at Epsilon Corporation at this address. SEAN OLIVER: Epsilon's a client. I'm sure they will appreciate finding their car. TONY: It's a little more complicated than that. Is it Mrs.? SEAN OLIVER: It's Ms. And please call me Sean. TONY: Sean. Pretty name. SEAN OLIVER: Thank you. TONY: You're a coach? SEAN OLIVER: No, not exactly. I do a lot of pro bono work for youth groups. ZIVA: The car may have been involved in some criminal activity prior to the theft, Ms. Oliver. We'll need to speak to your client about this. SEAN OLIVER: First define criminal activity. ZIVA: We're not prepared to disclose that kind of information right now. SEAN OLIVER: Then I'm sorry I can't help you. ZIVA: Why is that? TONY: Attorney client privilege. SEAN OLIVER: It prevents me from divulging any information without my client's permission. I'm ethically bound to protect their rights. ZIVA: Even if they may have committed a crime? SEAN OLIVER: If you believe that, you would have come here with a search warrant. ZIVA: Oh, we didn't think it was necessary. SEAN OLIVER: So I'll assume you'll try to get one now? TONY: Oh, yeah. Yeah. SEAN OLIVER: Great. Then I look forward to seeing you again, Agent DiNozzo. TONY: Tony. SEAN OLIVER: Tony. ZIVA: I hate lawyers. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) MCGEE: Have a seat. HOBIE: I'm not saying anything 'till I get a lawyer. GIBBS: You're not here to talk, Petty Officer Hobie. You're here to listen. They said you jacked the car and they know nothing about what was in the trunk. Me? I believe them. MCGEE: It means you're screwed, Petty Officer. GIBBS: Agent McGee? Seven stolen cars in two weeks. What's he looking at? MCGEE: First offense? Let's see, seven to ten for theft. Another four to five for selling stolen property. So roughly twelve years. Maybe out in six with good behavior. GIBBS: What about carrying around a human head in an ice chest? MCGEE: Well, capital offense? With the gruesome nature of the crime? I'm thinking... life. That's if he's lucky. If not... GIBBS: The death penalty. HOBIE: Whoa, hey! I didn't know that was in there. Look, when you boost a car, you don't check to see what's in the trunk first! GIBBS: Where? HOBIE: It was in a parking lot. Chez Nude. It's a strip club in Anacostia. I took it around midnight. GIBBS: Did you see the driver? HOBIE: No. All I saw was the chrome. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY DUCKY: Yes, but are you absolutely positive? ABBY: Science doesn't lie, Ducky. DUCKY: No, but in my experience it often can be misleading. GIBBS: Abby. ABBY: Gibbs! Okay, so we have two questions for you. Where's my Caf-Pow? GIBBS: The machine was empty. Second question? ABBY: That's wasn't one of the questions. The machine's never empty. GIBBS: Abby? ABBY: According to the Armed Forces DNA registry, the head in the autopsy room belongs to Navy Captain Parker Wayne. GIBBS: You want to know how he died and why. ABBY: We know how and why. DUCKY: He suffered a fatal coronary infarction at Bethesda Naval Hospital four months ago. ABBY: So what is his head doing in the trunk of a stolen car? DUCKY: And where is the rest of his body? (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Can't connect Captain Wayne to any of the three suspects, Boss. ZIVA: No common service, ship or base. If they had any contact, it wasn't through the Navy. GIBBS: You're asking me to believe a sailor jacked a car with a head in the trunk and he didn't know it? ZIVA: If the glue sticks? MCGEE: Shoe fits. GIBBS: DiNozzo! TONY: I'm with you, Boss. Our carjacker definitely knows more than he's telling us. We don't believe in coincidences around here, Ziva. GIBBS: However, we do believe in bad luck. You get the search warrant? MCGEE: Uh... Faith Coleman says that we need to petition for a preliminary injunction to compel Sean Oliver, Esquire, to give up the name of her client. GIBBS: So do it. MCGEE: Done it. I mean I did it. Since the Captain died of natural causes, it's going to take the judge a while to sign off on it. ZIVA: The lawyer drooled over Tony. Why doesn't he just sleep with her? (BEAT) What? It's a viable interrogation technique. GIBBS: I've done it. ZIVA: Me, too. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: There was no trauma to the head, no signs of cerebral hemorrhage. ROSS: The cause of death was definitely coronary inclusion, Doctor Mallard. Caused by arteriosclerosis. I took this when I performed the autopsy on Captain Wayne. DUCKY: Ah, Jethro. Special Agent Gibbs, Commander Ross, the M.E. who performed the autopsy on our Captain four months ago. ROSS: I must admit I've never been involved in anything this... strange. DUCKY: Remind me to show you some of our cases sometime. Last year we had a patient who spontaneously combusted, or so we thought. GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Are you certain heart attack was the cause of death? ROSS: Absolutely. Captain Wayne was pronounced dead on the operating table by one of our best heart surgeons. I performed the autopsy two days later. GIBBS: When you last saw the Captain... his head was attached? ROSS: (CHUCKLES) Of course. GIBBS: What happened to his remains? ROSS: At the request of the widow they were released to a mortuary. The uh...let's see... Vernon Family Mortuary. In Annandale, Virginia. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. CREMATORY - DAY FLOYD VERNON: (V.O.) You'll have to excuse me, but I'm extremely shorthanded this afternoon, gentlemen. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CREMATORY - DAY FLOYD VERNON: My furnace operator didn't show up today. MCGEE: Mister Vernon, are those human remains? FLOYD VERNON: Were. Now they're just carbon and ashes, Agent McGee. Now what can I do for you? TONY: We're investigating a death. FLOYD VERNON: I figured as much. TONY: How's that? FLOYD VERNON: The only time I see cops around here is when they're on an official investigation or when, you know... you're customers. (SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN) TONY: Well, the customer we're interested in was here four months ago. (VERNON CLAPS HIS HANDS) FLOYD VERNON: Name? MCGEE: Ah, Captain Parker Wayne. FLOYD VERNON: Let's see... Wyatt, Winter, and Wayne. From Bethesda. He was cremated one hundred twenty two days ago. MCGEE: He was cremated? FLOYD VERNON: Yes. His wife asked for a Sea-rest urn with interior gold plated lining. Very high end. MCGEE: Sounds nice. TONY: Yeah, except for the fact that there's a piece missing, Vernon. FLOYD VERNON: Oh, what do you mean? MCGEE: Well, a part of his body has turned up. FLOYD VERNON: You mean like a body fragment or a bone fragment or a tooth? TONY: Actually, more like his head. FLOYD VERNON: A head? MCGEE: Found in a car trunk. TONY: We'd like to know how it got there. FLOYD VERNON: (READS) Remains picked up at seven forty five a.m. on the twenty fourth. He was cremated that evening, furnace two. Attending technician, Martin. TONY: Martin who? FLOYD VERNON: Broussard. TONY: Where is he? FLOYD VERNON: He didn't show up for work today, which is why I'm here instead of being out there where I'm needed. MCGEE: We're going to need his address. FLOYD VERNON: No need. I'll take you to his room. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. GROUNDS - DAY FLOYD VERNON: I can't believe I let him live on the grounds. MCGEE: For how long? FLOYD VERNON: Almost three years. This could ruin me. My family's been in the business for sixty three years. TONY: Anyone else licensed to operate these ovens? FLOYD VERNON: Furnaces, Agent DiNozzo. Just myself and Martin. (KNOCK ON DOOR) FLOYD VERNON: Martin, if you're in there, open up, damn it! (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY TONY: Wait here. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY MOVES INTO THE ROOM) (SFX: SCREEN OPENS) TONY: You thinking what I'm thinking, Probie? MCGEE: Yeah, we just walked into an episode of "The X Files." TONY: Open that up, Probie. MCGEE: No, you open it. TONY: Who's the senior field agent? MCGEE: Gibbs. TONY: In this room, who's the senior field agent!? Open it, Chucklehead! What is it? MCGEE: It's feet. TONY: I knew it. We're dealing with another Dahmer here. MCGEE: The pig kind. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) GIBBS: Hi. What's your name? I'm Jethro. I'm here to talk to your mom. (KNOCK ON DOOR) CHRISSY: Did you know my daddy? GIBBS: No. No, I didn't. Not personally. CHRISSY: He's dead, you know.(DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY JOCELYN: I had them on the mantle, but Chrissy would stare at them for hours. She couldn't understand how her daddy could fit inside a jar. Her therapist said it was probably unhealthy for her so... GIBBS: I understand that this must be tough for you, Mrs. Wayne. JOCELYN: Ashes are ashes, Agent Gibbs. Now what is this about? GIBBS: There may have been a mix-up. JOCELYN: These aren't my husband's ashes? GIBBS: No. No, they probably are. There just was a paper snafu at Bethesda. We need to verify it. JOCELYN: How can you do that? GIBBS: Teeth aren't totally destroyed during cremation. JOCELYN: I've been a Navy wife for close to twenty years, Agent Gibbs. NCIS agents don't investigate mix-ups, at least not agents as.... old as you. GIBBS: (LAUGHS)Well, we have a new director, Ma'am. A female director. Let's just say I'm not as politically correct as some of the younger agents. JOCELYN: What did you do to piss her off? GIBBS: Well, see, if she was more like you, then I wouldn't be sent out here to do a probie's job. Not that this isn't important. This is very important. I will handle the Captain's remains with the utmost respect, Ma'am. That's a promise. JOCELYN: What did you do? GIBBS: She overheard a conversation I had about physical-- CHRISSY: Where are you taking my dad? JOCELYN: Oh, Chrissy. It's okay. Agent Gibbs is a Marine. You know how much Daddy liked them. Twenty years in the Navy. I know a Marine when I see one, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: As soon as this is verified, it'll be returned. JOCELYN: Our last command was a cruiser, the Manassas. They deploy for eight months next Thursday. Parks' last wish was to have his ashes scattered at sea by them. GIBBS: You'll have them back. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: ZIVA BANGS ON THE DESK) ZIVA: I've hit a dead wall. Have any of you heard of the Nation of Nevis? MCGEE: No. TONY: It's in the Caribbean. ZIVA: I'm impressed. TONY: Well, if you're looking for the most attractive and convenient offshore corporate domicile, like my father, it's the place. ZIVA: That's where Epsilon's incorporated. It's a haven of confidentiality. I mean, they won't disclose the names of owners, officers, or directors. TONY: That's why the old man seems to like it. MCGEE: It sounds suspicious. ZIVA: I have a contact who can get me that info. GIBBS: Ziva, don't talk about it. Do it. ZIVA: Well, it's a delicate situation, Gibbs. Perhaps I should elaborate a-- MCGEE: (BEAT) Martin Broussard. Raised in New Orleans... TONY: (OVERLAP) Orleans, Boss. Barely graduated high school. Dropped out of... MCGEE: Junior college after only one year. GIBBS: Record? MCGEE: (BEAT) Ah, two DUIs and a -- TONY: Shoplifting charge. MCGEE: We got prints from his room. Abby is... TONY: Trying to match them from the Mercedes from the chop shop. ZIVA: You think Broussard could be Sean Oliver's client? TONY: No way. This guy's apartment makes McGee's look like The Four Seasons. MCGEE: Whoa, what is wrong with my home? TONY: Nothing that a bulldozer and a few coats of paint wouldn't fix. MCGEE: At least I wasn't afraid to open a cooler. TONY: I wasn't afraid to open a cooler. (SFX: GIBBS HITS TONY) TONY: I'm shutting up, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY SHEPARD: Ziva.(DOOR CLOSES) ZIVA: Director. SHEPARD: What can I do for you? ZIVA: A favor. SHEPARD: You want to go back to Israel? ZIVA: No. I actually love it here. Gibbs is a great teacher. SHEPARD: You'll learn. He's like the Hope Diamond. A valuable gem....but it comes with a curse. ZIVA: Anyone I know in that car? SHEPARD: You know what they say. If you have to ask... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Hey, they refilled the machine! GIBBS: What are you doing? ABBY: It's been a long day. Yoga. Sirshasana. It increases the blood flow to the brain. GIBBS: I thought that's what this is for. ABBY: Ooh. That helps, too. GIBBS: I assume you're done. ABBY: With the ashes? Yeah. Since cremation destroys all DNA, then genetic fingerprinting of the cremains won't work. So I put them through a particle accelerator to try to ferret out any trace elements. GIBBS: And? ABBY: And I found calcium which is present in human bones, but no phosphorous. GIBBS: Which means? ABBY: There's really no foreplay with you, is there, Gibbs? GIBBS: What? Have you been talking to my ex-wives again? ABBY: The urn contained burnt wood chips, concrete, dust and pebbles. The ashes are bogus. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Ask yourself what kind of guy lives in a coffin storage shed at a funeral home? ZIVA: Perhaps a poor one? TONY: I'd buy that except for the fact that it looks like this guy did an episode of "Trading Spaces" with Satan. What we need to figure out is why this guy decided to keep the man's head. MCGEE: And how it ended up in the trunk of the stolen Mercedes. ZIVA: Maybe he needed it for some sort of ritual. TONY: Or sacrifice. MCGEE: Witchcraft? TONY: Whatever you want to call it, Probie. ZIVA: I agree. Anyone so obviously fascinated with death has to be deeply disturbed on some level. I mean, take these masks, for instance. What kind of a person would collect such horrid-looking things? ABBY: Me. ZIVA: Of course, by horrid I mean, finely crafted and artistic. Good morning, Abby. ABBY: Hi. The masks are Ogu. They're used in tribal ceremonies in Africa. A friend of mine makes them. ZIVA: I see, and this? ABBY: Drapeau, or flag. It symbolizes the bridge between your spiritual and your earthly planes. I'm not an expert, but I would say that Martin Broussard is in to voodoo big time. MCGEE: So it is witchcraft. ABBY: No, McGee, it's voodoo. MCGEE: What's the difference? TONY: Haven't you ever seen Voodoo Island with Boris Karloff? The Believers? Martin Sheen? Serpent and the Rainbow? Sleepless in Seattle. ZIVA: That was about voodoo? TONY: No, but the first time I saw It, it scared the bejeesus out of me. GIBBS: Is that a fact, DiNozzo? TONY: Yes, Sir. We think we just had a major breakthrough in the case. GIBBS: You found Broussard? TONY: No, not exactly. GIBBS: You got the warrant to search the law offices? MCGEE: Not yet. GIBBS: Your contacts found out who owns Epsilon Corporation? ZIVA: They haven't gotten back to me yet. TONY: In retrospect, "major" may have been overstating things, Sir. I'm sorry. GIBBS: What, Abby? You have to go to the bathroom or do you have something to say? ABBY: I do. But that's not the point. Ducky and I might have found something that's min-jor. It's maybe not major, but it's more than minor. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY GIBBS: Hey, Duck, are you saying Captain Wayne was used in some kind of sacrifice? DUCKY: I'm just saying it's a possibility, Jethro. ABBY: We found traces of blood on three of the knives from Martin Broussard's room. DUCKY: All three came back the same type. ZIVA: Captain Wayne's? ABBY: Nope. Chicken. DUCKY: (OVERLAP) Chicken. Well, it's not an uncommon substance to find at a voodoo ritual. GIBBS: Yeah, or at a KFC. What else? ABBY: Patience, Gibbs. I ran the fingerprints from the Mercedes, the cooler in the back of the car, and Martin Broussard's room. They're all the same and they're all his. TONY: Broussard stole the Mercedes? ABBY: Either that or he just really likes to touch stuff. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Okay, I'll let Gibbs know. Thank you. SHEPARD: Let Gibbs know what, Agent McGee? MCGEE: Uh... that Captain Wayne's widow is on her way up, Director. SHEPARD: How much does she know? MCGEE: Uh, I'm not sure, Ma'am. Gibbs returned with the cremains, but I don't know what he said to get them. SHEPARD: Let's hope he didn't say that we found her husband's head in the trunk. MCGEE: I don't think that - would he? SHEPARD: Have you gotten the warrant for Sean Oliver's law office? MCGEE: Still working on it, Ma'am. I've put several cars into the Assistant U.S. Attorney's office, but they're dragging their feet. SHEPARD: I expected they would so I made a personal call to the Attorney General's office. Here's your warrant. You can close your mouth, Agent McGee. It's not that impressive. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) SHEPARD: Get Gibbs. I'll escort Mrs. Wayne from here. AGENT: Yes, Ma'am. SHEPARD: Special Agent Gibbs is on his way. I.... JOCELYN: Did he make a positive identification? SHEPARD: A positive identification... of your husband's cremains? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY GIBBS: I want the remains verified for every body Broussard was supposed to burn. TONY: Not a problem, Boss. What do we tell the families? GIBBS: Depends on what we find. ZIVA: You think he's done this before? GIBBS: The guy's cutting up chickens and carrying heads around in coolers, Ziva. I don't know. What's your gut tell you? ZIVA: Well, I never want to be cremated. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY MCGEE: Whoa! Whoa! Sorry, Boss. Uh... one, got the warrant. GIBBS: Good job, McGee. Tony, you're with me. MCGEE: Uh, Mrs. Wayne is here and Director Shepard is with her. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY JOCELYN: He said the paper mix-up could be resolved with my husband's teeth. SHEPARD: If Special Agent Gibbs told you that, I'm sure it's the truth. He's one of the most knowledgeable agents I've ever worked with. JOCELYN: I had that impression. I'm glad he was assigned this, even if it is punishment. SHEPARD: Punishment? JOCELYN: The new Director has it in for him. SHEPARD: He told you that? JOCELYN: Well, I've seen it before when Parker was X.O. for one of the first female ship Captains. Ooh! The woman was a nightmare trying to prove herself. SHEPARD: Special Agent Gibbs, I didn't know the new Director was punishing you. She always seemed very fair to me. JOCELYN: Well, you're a woman. She doesn't have anything to prove to you. SHEPARD: How about you? What do you think? Do you think the new Director is reasonable? ZIVA: Very. GIBBS: Why are you here, Mrs. Wayne? JOCELYN: Have you made a positive identification? GIBBS: Lab's working on it. JOCELYN: I'm sorry to be troubling you. GIBBS: No trouble at all. JOCELYN: The Manassas has been put on alert to sail early. GIBBS: How early? JOCELYN: Tuesday. I have to have Parker's ashes there by Monday night. I don't want to wait another year to honor my husband's last wish. GIBBS: I'll do my best. SHEPARD: You'll have your husband's ashes by Monday, won't she, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: If you say so. (SHEPARD WALKS O.S.) JOCELYN: She isn't the new... GIBBS: Uh-huh. JOCELYN: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER LAW OFFICE - DAY TONY: Hi. Nice to see you again. NCIS. We have a search warrant. RECEPTIONIST: Go right on in. Ms. Oliver has been expecting you. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAW OFFICE - DAY SEAN OLIVER: That was fast. GIBBS: It gives us the right to search the premises for every and all documents pertaining to Epsilon Corporation. SEAN OLIVER: I think you'll find everything you need in those boxes. Your Director is not the only one with friends in the U.S. Attorney's office. You have the papers so I can't stop you, but I do think this is overkill for a stolen car. GIBBS: Actually, we're more interested in who was driving it before it was stolen. SEAN OLIVER: Why? GIBBS: Oh, I'll make you a deal. You tell me who runs Epsilon Corporation, I tell you why. SEAN OLIVER: Unfortunately I can't make deals without consulting my clients. TONY: You make the call, Sean. SEAN OLIVER: At least give me a clue as to what it is we're dealing with here, Tony. Was it drugs? TONY: More along the lines of human sacrifice. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: She's had twenty four hours to cleanse these files. What are we hoping to find? MCGEE: Names of employees and addresses. ZIVA: We might get through this by the end of the month if you actually helped us, Tony. TONY: I'm supervising. ZIVA: Hi, Gibbs! TONY: Nice one. GIBBS: Yeah, it is. TONY: Hey, Boss, I was just about to call you. GIBBS: What a coincidence. I'm just about to put my boot up your-- TONY: I got a lead. Found an electric bill in one of the boxes. An industrial space in Anacostia. Three miles from the strip club where the Mercedes was stolen. GIBBS: Ziva, McGee, go check it out. Tony? Go on. Supervise. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ALLEY - DAY TONY: It doesn't look like anybody's here. (KNOCK ON DOOR) MCGEE: All right, what do we do? TONY: Well, at least we have a warrant. ZIVA: Right. MCGEE: Uh, no. Not really. TONY: What is your problem, Probie? MCGEE: Well, the warrant only covers Epsilon's files. TONY: Can you see inside that window? MCGEE: You know that I can't. ZIVA: So for all you know, there could be files in there, yes? MCGEE: Technically, yes. But we could be obfuscating the warrant. TONY: You know what that means? ZIVA: No, not at all. TONY: Good. Neither do I. Pick the lock. Obfuscating. What sort of knucklehead uses a word like obfuscating? Pickle head. Nice work, Ziva. MCGEE: Tony? TONY: Two to one you lose, Probie. (SFX: DOOR OPENS) (SFX: ALARM B.G.) MCGEE: A bad idea! TONY: What? MCGEE: It's a bad-- [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY TONY: I wonder what they do in here?(SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN) MCGEE: We should not have broken in here. TONY: What? MCGEE: We shouldn't have broken in here! TONY: If you want to be a crybaby, why don't you wait outside for the police? MCGEE: What are we going to tell them?(DOOR OPENS) ZIVA: Might be easier to show them. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY (FLASHES) TONY: You know what this place reminds me of? ZIVA: One of your stupid voodoo movies? TONY: No. My Uncle Vincenzo's shop on Long Island. He's a butcher. MCGEE: Yet another reason why I'm considering becoming a vegetarian. TONY: We may need a couple extra gurneys on this one, Palmer. GIBBS: How many are we looking at, Duck? DUCKY: Based upon size, skin tone, and gender difference, there are at least partial remains of six cadavers in here. GIBBS: This isn't voodoo. DUCKY: I agree, based upon the surgical skill in which they were dissected. You've found yourself another chop shop, Jethro. Only instead of automobiles being harvested.... GIBBS: Body parts? Do any of these parts belong to Captain Wayne, Duck? DUCKY: Oh, Jethro, please. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: So how grisly was it? ZIVA: Not bad. TONY: Shelves lined with body parts is not bad? ZIVA: At least they were surgically removed. TONY: Yeah. ABBY: Were all the bodies supposed to be cremated? TONY: I don't know. ZIVA: McGee's getting the mortuary records for the last few months. ABBY: I do not know why anyone would want to be cremated. ZIVA: Do you really want to be stuck in the ground? TONY: She already has a coffin. ZIVA: Oh, no! ABBY: I just want to know that the rest of my body parts, after I donate whatever I can to science, are going to rot for eternity in a familiar place. ZIVA: How about you, Tony? TONY: Ah, slow rot or the fast burn? Hm.... Neither please, thank you very much. ABBY: What's your alternative? TONY: Ted Williams. Cryogenics. SHEPARD: Appropriate under the circumstances, Agent DiNozzo. They only thing Ted Williams had frozen was his head. Here's the information you were looking for. The principal and sole shareholder of Epsilon Corporation. ZIVA: Sean Oliver! Now I really do hate lawyers. Thank you, Director. SHEPARD: Glad I could be of help. (BEAT) Is something wrong? TONY: Oh, I was just wondering if Gibb's knows whose Ziva's secret contact is. SHEPARD: We had a saying in Europe. Whatever Gibbs doesn't know... TONY: Can't hurt him. SHEPARD: No. Can't hurt us. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: It would appear they were all dissected by the same individual, Jethro. It's the direction that the incisions were made. Look. Straight cuts are normally canted to the right due to the position of the scalpel in the right hand. All of these were canted in the opposite direction. GIBBS: We're looking for someone that's left-handed. DUCKY: Precisely. GIBBS: Any idea which ones are Captain Wayne's? DUCKY: We're taken tissue samples of the individual parts, and prints from the hands. And we'll try to assemble Captain Wayne where we can. GIBBS: I've got less than two days, Duck. We told his wife we'd return his ashes by Monday. DUCKY: I could bring in another M.E. to help. GIBBS: Yeah, yeah. Do it. ZIVA: My contact came through, Gibbs. The client Sean Oliver was protecting was... GIBBS: Sean Oliver. ZIVA: Tony and McGee are picking her up. GIBBS: Not bad, Officer David. ZIVA: Well, I do what I can. GIBBS: When you see the Director, thank her for me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY SHEPARD: (V.O.) There's a reason you couldn't find her anywhere last night, Jethro. (ON CAMERA) She was meeting with the District Attorney's office... cutting a deal. GIBBS: What kind of deal? SHEPARD: More than she deserves. Do you think it would be inappropriate if, as Director, I went in there and smacked that smile off her face? GIBBS: Yeah, it would. But that's what you have me for. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: (INTO PHONE) Thank you very much, Ma'am. (TO ZIVA) That was one of Martin Broussard's elementary school teachers. ZIVA: What could she possibly tell you that's relevant to this case? TONY: A lot, Ziva. Slow learner. Troublemaker. Not real big on oral hygiene. ZIVA: That's fascinating, Tony. And this helps us find him how? TONY: It doesn't. But at least we now know he's left-handed. (PHONE RINGS) ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Officer David. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) I got something for you guys. ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) On our way. (TO TONY) Abby found something. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: His name was Captain Parker Wayne. He was married. Had a nine year old daughter who just worshiped the ground he walked on. SIMON KATZ: My client admitted her involvement in the sale of illegal body parts already, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: His last request was to have his ashes scattered at sea. What would you like me to tell this little girl, Ms. Oliver? That that can't happen because you wanted to join the more expensive country club? SEAN: This was never about money. SIMON KATZ: Sean, he's baiting you. SEAN: Let him, Simon. The deceased were to be cremated. By supplying their bodies for medical research, advances were made to benefit the living. GIBBS: Any profits you made were just incidental, right? SIMON KATZ: Part of my client's plea agreement is to make financial restitution. GIBBS: Your client was carving up dead people and selling parts like meat. Where's Martin Brousaard? SIMON KATZ: Not part of our arrangement. GIBBS: I've got the parts to six different bodies downstairs. She is not going anywhere until I I.D. them. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: Where's Gibbs?! TONY: Interrogation. Why? ABBY: I found him! MCGEE: We! We found him! ZIVA: Found who, Abby? ABBY: Martin Broussard. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: We located Martin Broussard. SIMON KATZ: Then you have no further need to question my client. GIBBS: We have him downstairs in autopsy. SEAN: To identify the bodies? GIBBS: Nope. SIMON KATZ: Sean. They can do whatever... GIBBS: He's one of them. SEAN: Martin is dead? I don't know anything about it! Simon? GIBBS: We found his body parts in your building. The only thing we can't locate, it seems, is his head. I think your deal with the D.A. just went south. SEAN: I didn't kill him! GIBBS: If you didn't... you know who did. SIMON KATZ: As your lawyer, I advise you not to answer any more questions, Sean. SEAN: A man was murdered here, Simon! Vernon supplied the bodies. Martin was... was just a delivery man. They must have thought he was too weak to stand up to an investigation. GIBBS: They? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM DUCKY: I appreciate you volunteering to help, Doctor Ross. ROSS: Anything to get out of Bethesda for a couple of days, Doctor Mallard. JIMMY: Where do you want this one, Doctor? DUCKY: Oh, uh.... ROSS: Is that what this is all about, the body parts? DUCKY: It would appear that way. ROSS: It's understandable. That arm alone would be worth a fortune. JIMMY: Really? DUCKY: Pharmaceutical and medical instrument firms would pay vast sums for cadavers. JIMMY: Where do they get them? DUCKY: The willed body programs. Universities. But the need far outstrips the supply. ROSS: A human body can be worth as much as two hundred thousand dollars. JIMMY: Well, how much do you suppose just a little arm would be? DUCKY: A lot. It's not unlike car theft. A vehicle stripped and sold for parts is worth far more than when it's whole and harder to trace. Table two. JIMMY: Wow. This could pay off my college loans. DUCKY: Don't give me cause to check your car trunk tonight, Mister Palmer. Oh, um... we haven't yet determined the cause of death of this poor man. Would you care to open? ROSS: Oh, my pleasure, Doctor. DUCKY: I suppose you'll tell me you didn't do it for money. ROSS: Excuse me? DUCKY: Dissecting these bodies.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ROSS: What.... what would ever make you think that? DUCKY: By the way you used this. SEAN: They know, Ross. ROSS: What? I...I admit the money was good, but... my intent was to help people. GIBBS: Is that so? ROSS: Yes. I don't care whether you believe me or not. As long as you do, Doctor. GIBBS: Before you buy this, he murdered Broussard. ROSS: No! No, I didn't! SEAN: The hell you didn't! ROSS: She presented his body to me as a fait accompli! SEAN: I did not! GIBBS: I don't give a damn which one of you did it! DUCKY: Well, I do. GIBBS: Tony, get them out of here. ROSS: Scum ambulance chaser! If you think for one minute I'm going to take the rap... SEAN: (OVERLAP) Stop lying! For once in your life tell the truth!? ROSS: (V.O.) It was all your idea. (SEAN AND ROSS WALK O.S.) DUCKY: Mister Palmer, would you leave us alone a minute, please? Jethro, you do realize that Captain Wayne's remains are considered evidence in this case. GIBBS: Ah... DUCKY: Well you can't possibly be considering cremating them in time to give them to his widow. Right. I'll go with you to the crematorium. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY JOCELYN: Chrissy was really starting to worry. But I told her that Marines always keep their word. Sweetie, go get changed. We have to leave for the ship soon. CHRISSY: Okay, Mommy. JOCELYN: And put the dress on that Daddy brought from France. He loved you in it. (CHRISSY WALKS O.S.) JOCELYN: Are those my husband's ashes? GIBBS: Yes, Ma'am. I give you my word. It would be my pleasure to escort you and your daughter to the ship. JOCELYN: Um... the Navy's sending a car, but thanks. (SFX: KISS) JOCELYN: Thank you, Agent Gibbs. And Parker would never forgive me if I didn't say... semper fi. GIBBS: Fair winds and following seas, Ma'am. (MUSIC OUT)
Plan: A: Navy sailors; Q: What group of people were operating an illegal automotive chop shop? A: Ziva; Q: Who finds a severed head in the trunk of a stolen car? A: Abby; Q: Who matches the head to a Navy Captain who died four months earlier? A: Things; Q: What goes from bad to worse when Abby discovers that the ashes that the Captain's wife and young daughter have been looking after since his death are bogus? A: the hunt; Q: What does the team go on to find the missing body parts? Summary: While arresting a group of Navy sailors who were operating an illegal automotive chop shop , Ziva finds a severed head in the trunk of a recently stolen car. Abby later matches the head to a Navy Captain who died four months previously. Things go from bad to worse when Abby discovers that the ashes that the Captain's wife and young daughter have been looking after since the Captain's death are bogus, sending the team on the hunt for a possible "human chop shop" operating illegally and the Captain's remaining body parts.
[Mystic Falls' Cemetery] (Bonnie goes to Jeremy's grave) Bonnie: Hey, Jeremy. You know, I was... I was thinking about the last thing I said to you. "We did it." Totally lame last thing to say to someone. That wasn't a goodbye, Jeremy. You... You were supposed to come back with us Jeremy: Bonnie (She turns herself. Jeremy's here) Bonnie: Jeremy Jeremy: Wake up Bonnie: How are you here? Jeremy: Bonnie, wake up Bonnie: I don't understand Jeremy: Open your eyes. Bonnie, open your eyes! [Bonnie's House] (Bonnie wakes up. The couch is on fire) Bonnie: Oh my god! [Salvatore's House] (Stefan and Damon are in the living room) Damon: So what has it been, 8, 9 days? Stefan: About 8 or 9 days. I don't know. I lost count Damon: We lost count of the consecutive days in which Elena Gilbert has not killed anyone. I'd say that's progress, brother Stefan: So, what are we gonna do, just throw the football around for another 150 years till Elena gets her humanity back? Because I'm cool with that Damon: She doesn't want the cure. She's gonna start killing people if she knows we're still trying to get it for her Stefan: All right. We could always, uh, make her want it Damon: Yeah. How are you gonna make an emotionless vampire want anything? Stefan: Get her to flip her humanity switch Damon: So, what are we gonna do? Pull a Lexi; bombard her with emotions till one of them sticks? Stefan: Yeah, and if that doesn't work, Then we go to plan "B"... Lock her up and keep her sidelined until you and I figure out a plan "C." Damon: And what happens when she gets slammed with every emotion she's repressed since Jeremy died? Stefan: Well, then you, my friend, will be right by her side ready to help her through it Damon: Right, because you don't want to keep reliving history. And when this is all over, you're just gonna get out of her life Stefan: Bingo Damon: All right. How do you want to do this? [Klaus' Mansion] (Elijah, Rebekah and Klaus are sitting at a table) Rebekah: Elijah, being human means a fresh start. I can grow old and have a family and fill my days with meaning, knowing that each one matters Klaus: Well, that was poetic Elijah: Well, if you can provide us with a more compelling reason for wanting the cure, Klaus, please Klaus: Silas can appear as anyone. He got inside my thoughts, convinced me I was dying. He will torment me until I give him the cure Rebekah: And in doing so, he will break down the wall to the other side Klaus: So it doesn't trap him there when he dies. He wants to reunite with his lost soul mate. You, of all lovesick fools, should applaud his devotion Rebekah: He will open the floodgates for every supernatural being that has ever died Klaus: Including our dear brothers Kol and Finn. We'll have our family back Rebekah: Please! You hated Kol. And you kept Finn in a box for most of his life Klaus: Elijah, please Elijah: Your personal discomfort might not be sufficient reason for putting the entire world in jeopardy, Klaus. I think our sister deserves a shot at happiness Klaus: Tell me you're joking. Tell me you're not fating me to an eternity of torture Elijah: I've made my decision (Klaus looks at Rebekah) Klaus: When you're sick and dying and you beg for my blood, I will laugh in your face and compel you to forget me (He leaves) Rebekah: Where's the cure? Elijah: Rebekah, it's no secret that you are impulsive, emotional, and at times morally questionable. Prove to me this isn't just another one of your whims, that you know precisely what you are giving up here Rebekah: Fine. Anything Elijah: I want you to live a day as a human. This day. No vampire privileges... no strength, no compulsion, no nothing. If you succeed and still believe this is what you want... the cure is yours [A shopping street] (Elena and Rebekah are walking) Elena: You're gonna fail. You should be locking yourself inside all day, not shopping for prom Rebekah: Name me a more human experience than senior prom Elena: Death Rebekah: Why should I listen to you? You don't even have your humanity Elena: You realize you won't even be able to compel yourself a date, right? Rebekah: Yes, and last time I checked, you're living in my house because I'm the only one that can tolerate you, so you don't have to be so rude Elena: Then I'm going to come with you. Yeah. I'll keep an eye on you and make sure that you pass Elijah's test. As soon as you down the cure, it'll be gone for good. And no one will be able to use it on me [A boutique] (Bonnie and Caroline are shopping for a dress) Caroline: What kind of dreams? Bonnie: Usually I'm at his grave, and... all of a sudden, he appears to me Caroline: Well, you never got to say good-bye, Bon. You're grieving. That's normal Bonnie: When I woke up, the couch was on fire. I don't know if it's because I was emotional in my dream or if Shane was right. Without his help, I'll lose control of my magic Caroline: No. It's because you need a night off from mourning. And I'm gonna make sure that you have it Bonnie: Um, you look super-hot, by the way Caroline: Do you think? Bonnie: Oh yeah Caroline: Yeah? Bonnie: Yeah. Matt and I are gonna have the sexiest date there Caroline: You know what? I love friend prom. And it's exactly what prom should be... friends and memories. Yes, it sucks that my boyfriend can't be here, but the three of us are gonna have the night of our lives (Elena and Rebekah enter) Elena: Hey, Bonnie. Heard you got your mind wiped. That sucks. Pretty dress, Caroline Caroline: I know. You helped me pick it out months ago when we were friends, before you tried to kill me Elena: I thought it looked familiar (Caroline looks at the saleswoman) Caroline: Can you press this for me? I'll pick it up later. Bonnie [Rebekah's House] (A limo parks in front of the house. Elena gets out and Stefan comes out of the limo) Elena: I don't need a babysitter Stefan: Really? Because the last time I saw you, you snapped a waitress' spine Elena: It got you to stop your search for the cure, didn't it? Damon: Yup. We're just here to make sure you hold up your end of the deal. Don't eat the prom queen (He shows her a corsage) Damon: May I? Elena: No Damon: Wow. Would you look at that? Beautiful dress Elena: Thank you. I stole it [Klaus' Mansion] (Klaus is by the fireplace) Caroline: Klaus! Klaus! (She rejoins him) Caroline: Hello. Did you not hear me? Klaus: Of course I heard you, Caroline. I think the whole of Mystic Falls heard you. I'm in no mood for company Caroline: Well, I'm sorry that you're having personal issues, but I have a real crisis on my hands. Elena stole my prom dress. I went to pick it up, and the tailor said that somebody else already did. And when I asked who, she said she couldn't remember. Hello? The vervain is out of the town water supply. She was compelled. It's not funny Klaus: I know, I know Caroline: Then, stop laughing. Look, I know that prom isn't important to you, but it's important to me Klaus: Surely finding another dress is well within your substantial vampire capabilities Caroline: But I don't want just another dress. I want to look hot, like princess Grace of Monaco hot. So... Could you please go back into your creepy trophy case of family collectibles and dig me out something of royal caliber? [Mystic Falls' High School] (Damon, Elena and Stefan arrive at the prom. There are pictures everywhere) Damon: Where's the disco ball? Stefan: Caroline's been working on this for a while. It's a, uh, photo yearbook of the senior class. Isn't that photo from first day of freshman year? (She looks at a picture) Elena: My mom took that when she dropped us off at school. I'm gonna get a seizure if I keep staring at these screens (Everyone is dancing. Matt and Bonnie enter) Matt: Why do I feel like we're at a practice run of Caroline's wedding? Bonnie: Because I think we are (Elena is alone and is about to drink from a flask but Damon stops her) Damon: You are underage Elena: You're overage, and honestly, it's kind of creepy Damon: Oh, come on. What bad-ass senior is complete without a prom date that's slightly too old for high school? Elena: Please don't refer to yourself as my date Damon: Oh, I'm sorry. Your boyfriend. Something I said? Elena: I'm not doing this Damon: You're not gonna deny that I'm your boyfriend, now, are you? Elena: What are you doing? Trying to stir some feelings in me? Ironic, since you, my sire, are the one who had me turn them off Damon: Yeah, well, hindsight is almost a bigger bitch than you Elena: You're nothing to me, Damon Damon: Really? Then why tell me you're in love with me? Why tell me it's the most real thing you've ever felt in your life? Elena: I told you I loved you because I was sired to you, And now that I'm not, I know that none of it was real, But if you still think that it was, I mean, maybe you're the one who needs help with your emotions, not me (She runs into Matt and Bonnie) Elena: Uh-oh. Friend patrol Bonnie: Hey. I know we haven't really talked since... everything, but I just... I want to say that I miss you Matt: Me, too, and we want to help you Elena: What are you gonna do... get me a job at the grill? Matt: I don't want you to look back and realize you missed out on the best part of senior year Elena: Spare me, Matt. If you had the choice, you would have turned your emotions off the second that Vicki died Bonnie: Hey, you shut it off because all you could feel were the horrible things happening to you. You still have friends who love you Elena: I thought you were going to bring Jeremy back, but it turned out you were just a brainwashed crazy person so technically, you're a walking reminder, of all the horrible things that have happened to me (She leaves them) Bonnie: I need some air Matt: Bonnie, wait Bonnie: Caroline's right. Elena's gone (Bonnie goes outside. Jeremy appears) Bonnie: Is this real? Jeremy: Does it matter? May I have this dance? (They dance) (Stefan catches Elena and dances with her) Elena: Let go of me or I will bite you Stefan: Oh, come on. I'm the one that hates to dance, remember? Elena: Yeah, and now I finally see why (Rebekah rejoins Matt) Rebekah: So are you and Bonnie, like, a thing? Matt: We're not a thing. We're friends. So who are you here with? Rebekah: No one. Go on. I know what you're thinking... Why didn't I just compel myself a date? Matt: You know, actually I was thinking, I wonder if Bonnie wants ice Rebekah: Oh. Could I ask you a question? Matt: Why? Apparently you already seem to know everything I'm thinking, so... Rebekah: Do you think that I would make a good human? Matt: I think that "good" is a hard word to live up to. I've never seen you do anything remotely good, so... honestly, no, I don't. I'm sorry (Stefan and Elena are still dancing) Stefan: So you're just here to help Rebekah get the cure, right, on what happens to be the most sentimental night in high school Elena: You think this is my cry for help? I'd be happy to show you what a real cry for help sounds like Stefan: So this... us... you feel nothing? Elena: I feel nothing Stefan: I don't believe you Elena: I don't care Stefan: So you don't remember what it used to feel like when we would dance? When my hand would touch your waist? Elena: Nope Stefan: How about this... When our fingers would touch? Elena: Nothing Stefan: And this? Does your heart really refuse to remember? Elena: What heart? (She leaves) (Caroline arrives. Elena rejoins her) Elena: So how do I look? Caroline: Are you kidding me? You look like a backstabbing bi... (Stefan rejoins them) Caroline: The dress is beautiful, and it brings out your eyes Elena: Thanks. I thought I'd do it a favor Stefan: Caroline, why don't you come dance with me? (They go on the dance floor and dance) Caroline: I know you said to kill her with kindness, but can't I just kill her? Stefan: I see you found a dress Caroline: It's from Klaus. Don't ask Stefan: You know you have him wrapped around your little finger, right? Caroline: If I had Klaus wrapped around my finger, then I would be here with Tyler right now. Are you making any progress with the dress thief? Stefan: I don't know. I think it's affecting me a lot more than it's affecting her Caroline: What do you mean? Stefan: Every time I tell myself that I'm moving on, there's this part of me that just can't seem to shake her Caroline: That's normal, Stefan. You guys were in love. That doesn't go away just because you declare that you're moving on Stefan: Then how does anyone ever seem to move on? Caroline: I don't know. I think that someday, you'll meet someone new and you'll fall madly in love. and you'll have moved on without even realizing it (April is with Rebekah) April: I can't just make you prom queen. It is based on votes. And you have approximately none so far Rebekah: And you can't just help out a friend? April: No, I can't. And you can't make me. I drink vervain tea now Rebekah: I was not going to compel you (Elena intervenes and strangles April) Elena: You can't be compelled, but you can be killed. Rebekah wins prom queen. Got it? Rebekah: What the bloody hell are you doing? Elena: What you were about to do Rebekah: I was not going to threaten her Elena: Remember that time you tortured me until I told you how to find the cure? You ruined my relationship with Stefan and then you trapped us with a werewolf? Rebekah: Yeah. So? Elena: So you're not a good person. You're not gonna win this cure by being yourself. So just stand there and refrain from talking, ok? (Bonnie and Jeremy are dancing outside) Bonnie: You and me. We're at senior prom Jeremy: Do you miss me, Bonnie? Bonnie: Of course I do Jeremy: Do you want this to be real? Bonnie: Yes Jeremy: Then it can be. Bonnie... Your magic can bring me back for good. You have the power to do the spell now Bonnie: Oh, my god. You're Silas. Get away from me Jeremy/Silas: You need me, Bonnie Bonnie: I don't need you. I don't want anything to do with you Jeremy/Silas: You have no idea how dangerous you are. If I don't help you, you'll kill yourself Bonnie: You're trying to get in my head. Jeremy/Silas: I'm just asking for your help in return for mine Bonnie: Leave me alone Jeremy/Silas: Wake up on fire recently? Bonnie: Did you do that to me? Jeremy/Silas: Please, Bonnie, let me help before you hurt somebody or yourself Bonnie: You don't care about me. You only care about bringing down the wall to the other side, and I won't do it Jeremy/Silas: Don't you want to see Jeremy again? Bonnie: Not like this [Klaus' Mansion] (Elijah is with Klaus. Elijah is holding the white oak stake) Klaus: Where did you get that? Elijah: Our baby sister. Once she's human... it'll make no difference to her whatsoever. Take it Klaus: Why would you give me this? Elijah: We are immortal apart from the stake. Now that it's yours, you have nothing to fear Klaus: Silas will continue to torment me Elijah: You've survived endless torments throughout the centuries. You'll shake this. And if you can't, you outrun him Klaus: Yes, it's that simple. Without the cure, what makes you think I'll spare your beloved Katerina? Or have you figured out, you're simply another spider in her web? Elijah: You will spare her because I am asking you to spare her. As your family, as your only living brother, I would ask that you provide me with this opportunity to feel, to care, to love Klaus: I gave you that opportunity, and you sided against me. So if I run, it will be to chase her. And as your only living brother, I will make it my cause that you never know a moment of happiness Elijah: It is such a hollow little life that you lead, Niklaus (He leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Falls High School] (Rebekah is sitting alone. Matt rejoins her) Matt: You haven't seen bonnie, have you? Rebekah: She's probably in the bathroom. Every other girl is. And if you haven't noticed, I am sitting here all on my own. So, please, will you put me out of my misery and dance with me? Matt: I don't think so Rebekah: Matt, please. This is a girl's worst nightmare. Please. I thought about what you said... about being good and you're right. It won't be easy, but it's worth trying Matt: I don't understand why my opinion is so important to you Rebekah: Because you're everything that I want to be. You're loyal, honest, kind. People root for you to succeed. Elena even died for you Matt: I'm a bus boy, Rebekah. It's not like i'm out saving the world Rebekah: But you're human. You're so beautifully human (Caroline is rejoined by Damon) Caroline: Aren't you on "Save Elena" Duty? Damon: I'm taking a little breather Caroline: This prom sucks. This is our last dance together, and it's awful. This is not how I wanted to remember this night (He gives her the flask) Caroline: Thank you. Well, if anyone asks, I'll be at the after-party (Bonnie rejoins Damon) Bonnie: We have a problem (Bonnie and Damon are with Stefan and Matt) Bonnie: It's like Jeremy was there. I could talk to him, feel him Stefan: Bonnie, that's what Silas does. You can't let him get to you again Damon: Yeah, because you all crazy and brainwashed. It's not a good look (Elena is listening. Rebekah rejoins her) Rebekah: What am I missing? Elena: Silas is appearing to Bonnie Silas is appearing to Bonnie which means he still wants her to do the spell Rebekah: So? The nice thing about having no feelings is you don't fear your enemies on the other side Elena: I'm not worried about my enemies. It's people like Alaric... and Jeremy. Salvatore brothers are annoying enough as it is. Can you imagine if my brother came back to the living? He'd spend every waking hour trying to get my humanity back (April goes on stage) April: Hey. Ok, the ballots have been tallied, Which means it's time to announce this year's prom king and queen Stefan: Look, one of us should take her home Damon: What? No. She's safer here in public around all these people. There's no way Silas can make everyone see the same thing all at once Matt: Ok, in the meantime, how do we look out for a guy that can appear as anyone? April: All right. Your prom king and queen are... Matt Donovan and Bonnie Bennett Rebekah: Bonnie bloody Bennett. Of course Elena: Everyone's so worried about Silas, but there's an obvious solution to all of this. He needs Bonnie. He can't do the spell without her. So if you can't kill Silas, kill his witch Rebekah: I can't kill anyone. I'm supposed to be human Elena: Maybe you can't, but I can [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline is prepping the after party. Tyler is here) Caroline: Tyler Tyler: I don't think you've ever looked more beautiful Caroline: Oh, my god. Tyler. Oh, you can't be here. Klaus... Tyler: Can't get in. Matt owns this place now. He had to invite me inside Caroline: If Klaus finds out... Tyler: He won't. You didn't really think I was gonna miss prom, did you? Here. These are for you. Caroline Forbes, may I please have this dance? (They dance) [Mystic Falls High School] (Damon is outside and looking at the pictures. Stefan rejoins him) Stefan: You looking for Silas or you waxing nostalgic about misspent youth? Damon: What happened to you being over it? Stefan: What do you mean? Damon: Well, I mean, for a guy who's ready to move on, you seemed pretty convincing as a boyfriend out on the dance floor Stefan: I mean, isn't that what we're doing? Reminding Elena of what she's lost? Damon: Like her feelings for you? Stefan: Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I mean, I don't mean to be a dick, Damon, but Elena and I have a history. Memories, laughs, ups and downs. It was a real relationship. I mean, what you have is just a one-night stand that was probably the result of the sire bond. Your mind is a very dark and riveting place, Damon Damon: Uh! Silas. Where's my brother, you psychic freak? Stefan: He's in the woods, where I convinced him I was you. He's probably in a bit of pain now, too. The witch is mine. Stay away from her (Matt and Bonnie are posing for pictures. Matt goes off the stage and Rebekah rejoins him) Rebekah: You need to get your queen off the stage Matt: I can't really do that right now Rebekah: You didn't hear it from me, but Elena's up to something (Bonnie is off the stage. Elena rejoins her) Elena: Congratulations, Bonnie Bonnie: What do you want? Elena: For you to stop being a problem (She's about to attack her but Bonnie uses her powers on her. Matt enters) Matt: Bonnie Bonnie: Something's happening to me Matt: OK, just relax Bonnie: No, I got to get out of here (She gets out and April enters) April: What's going on? Elena: Remember when I told you to make Rebekah prom queen? (She attacks her) Matt: No! Elena: You should have listened (She leaves) (Matt is outside with April) Matt: April, April, come on. Please wake up. April, come on! (Rebekah rejoins them) Rebekah: Matt, why did you call... oh, my God Matt: Rebekah, can you feed her your blood? Rebekah: Can't we just call 911 or something? Matt: She's dying. Please help her Rebekah: I can't. If I heal her with my vampire blood, Elijah won't give me the cure and I won't get to be human Matt: How is this even a choice right now? You want to be human? Prove it. Be good. Do the right thing and save her life [The Woods] (Damon is looking for Stefan) Damon: Stefan Stefan: Yeah. I'm over here. Agh! Damon: Let me guess. An extremely handsome man came up to you claiming to be me Stefan: Yeah Damon: Yeah (Bonnie is on the parking lot. Silas, appearing as Jeremy, rejoins her) Jeremy/Silas: Bonnie, wait Bonnie: Get away from me, Silas Jeremy/Silas: We can help each other Bonnie: This is what you do. You wait until I lose control and then you want to swoop in and save me Jeremy/Silas: You really think you have a choice? If you don't let me help you, your expression will consume you from the inside out Bonnie: Get away from me Jeremy/Silas: You didn't try to do that, did you? Your magic is taking on a life of its own. You need help controlling it. Listen to me, Bonnie. Breathe Bonnie: I'll die before I let you control me again Jeremy/Silas: Bonnie, listen to me! Control, Bonnie! Control Bonnie: Get out of my head! (He disappears and Elena attacks her but Bonnie uses her powers on her. Elena is suffering and Stefan and Damon intervene) Stefan: Bonnie, stop. Bonnie Elena: Damon, help me Stefan: Bonnie... You're killing her Bonnie: I know what I'm doing Stefan: That's the magic talking. This is your best friend. Damon: Damn it, Bonnie Elena : Bonnie... Please. Please Stefan: You ok? Bonnie :No, I'm not ok. I almost died. The shell of my best friend almost killed me. None of this is ok (She leaves) Damon: I got you (He helps Elena on her feet. Stefan injects her vervain) Stefan: Ok. Hey. Plan "B" (April is conscious now) Matt: Thank you for saving her Rebekah: Elena was right. I should have just stayed home Matt: No one has to know what you did. I won't tell anyone Rebekah: You'd really do that for me? Matt: I would. And maybe I was a little harsh earlier. You wouldn't make the worst human Rebekah: Are you offering me a job as a bus boy? You know, I'd look cute in an apron Matt: We'll see. I should probably get April home (He helps April on her feet) Matt: Try to stand up (They leave. Klaus rejoins Rebekah) Klaus: Dear sweet April Young. Now, there's a girl with a future Rebekah: She was dying, and I acted with human decency. You can't get more human than that Klaus: Actually, you can. You can stand idly by as poor April takes her final breath. You can ask, "Why does this always happen to innocent people?" "Where do the spirits go?" "Was there anything I could have done?" That is what it means to be human, sister. You give humanity too much credit Rebekah: Are you gonna tell Elijah? Klaus: No. No. You are [Rebekah's House] (Rebekah arrives. Elijah is waiting for her) Elijah: You're home. And how did our Cinderella fare? Rebekah: I won't lie. There were complications [Mystic Falls High School] Klaus: You'll tell him that you cheated, that you failed, that you don't deserve the cure [Rebekah's House] Rebekah: But I passed your test with flying colors Elijah: If this is what you truly want... It's yours [Mystic Falls High School] Rebekah: Why is it so hard for you to let me be happy? Klaus: Because your happiness comes at the expense of my sanity. Because I refuse to entertain yet another one of your whims. Because you are bored and you're looking for a reason to matter. Thankfully I don't have to waste any more breath fighting you on the subject Rebekah: What does that mean? Nik, what does that mean? [Rebekah's House] (Elijah gives the cure to Rebekah) Rebekah: I guess it's time that I turned into a pumpkin. Thank you Elijah (Shea leaves. His phone rings. It's Rebekah) Elijah: Rebekah? Rebekah: Elijah, I think Nik's up to something Elijah: Where did you go? Rebekah: I'm still at the prom. Look, don't do anything with the cure until I see you. Something's not right. Elijah? Hello? Elijah, do not take your eyes off that cure Elijah: I think it might be a little late for that [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline and Tyler are dancing) Tyler: I have to go soon. People will be here for the party, and if anyone sees me... Caroline: I know. I know. Thank you for the best prom ever (He leaves. And Klaus is outside) Klaus: Was it worth it to see her smile, to make her dream night come true? Was it worth it? In the shared interest of giving Caroline the night of her dreams... I'm going to allow you 5 seconds before I rip your heart of your chest. 5, 4, 3... (Tyler leaves) [Salvatore's House] (Stefan and Damon lay Elena in the cell) Damon: She might not feel much, but she's gonna feel that in the morning Stefan: So what's the plan? Damon: When Bonnie was whaling on her tonight, I could see it in her eyes. Elena thought she was gonna die. She was scared Stefan: Fear Damon: Last time I checked, one of those pesky human emotions Stefan: So plan C... make her life a living hell Damon: You care to talk about our other problem? You know, the one that can be anyone anywhere at anytime Stefan: Silas still needs Bonnie. And if tonight is any indication, she's no pushover. She's not gonna let him manipulate her, not anymore Damon: I wouldn't underestimate his talents. He fooled the hell out of both of us. What did he say to you anyway? Stefan: He led me out in the woods, claiming he saw Silas, and then he staked me. How did he get to you? Damon: Talked about his hair. I figured it had to be you Stefan: funny Damon: You coming? Stefan: Yeah [Klaus' Mansion] (Klaus arrives home and finds a letter and opens it) Katherine: Klaus, I hear Elijah has refused you the cure, and in return, you have refused me my freedom. Shame on you both. But while you boys sort out your problems, I have one last thing to offer you. I've caught wind that there is a witch in New Orleans named Jane-Anne Deveraux plotting a move against you. Hunt her down. What she has to say will rattle you so deeply to your core that chasing little old me will be the least of your concerns. It's been a fun five centuries, Klaus, but I've worn down too many good heels running from you. Love and hate, Katerina'' [The Caves] (Bonnie enters, looking for Silas and he's there) Bonnie: Silas? I know it's you. My locator spell worked without using any of your possessions Silas: Yes. You're finally acknowledging how powerful you are Bonnie: You're not Jeremy anymore. Is this the real you? Then tell me why you're hiding Silas: Call it Qetsiyah's revenge. When she learned that I didn't love her, she used her magic to ensure no woman could ever love me. It should come as no surprise that now I simply want to die Bonnie: And I want you to Silas: Even if it means bringing back every dead supernatural being? Bonnie: Show me your face Ecrit par popo34000
Plan: A: Mystic Falls; Q: Where is prom time in season six of True Blood? A: Elena; Q: Who attacks Bonnie to try and keep Silas from dropping the veil to the Other Side? A: Caroline's dress; Q: What does Elena steal from Caroline? A: Elena's switch; Q: What do the Salvatore brothers try to flip by walking her through memories? A: Caroline's dream prom; Q: What prom doesn't go so well until Tyler returns? A: his final appearance; Q: What is Tyler's appearance on the show this season? A: the cure; Q: What does Rebekah insist on taking? A: any vampire powers; Q: What does Elijah ask Rebekah to pass one day without? A: Silas; Q: Who impersonates Jeremy to try and convince Bonnie to use her magic to drop the veil? A: Bonnie; Q: Who almost kills Elena? A: her blood; Q: What does Rebekah feed to April? A: The Salvatore brothers; Q: Who vervain Elena? A: his true face; Q: What does Bonnie ask to see of Silas? Summary: It's prom time in Mystic Falls. Elena steals Caroline's dress and the Salvatore brothers try to flip Elena's switch by walking her through memories. Caroline's dream prom doesn't go so well until Tyler returns (which would be his final appearance this season.) Rebekah insists on taking the cure to which Elijah asks her to pass one day without any vampire powers. Silas impersonates Jeremy to try and convince Bonnie to use her magic to drop the veil. Elena attacks April at the prom so Rebekah has to feed her blood to April because she chooses to be good over standing to Elijah's condition. Elena attacks Bonnie to try and keep Silas from dropping the veil to the Other Side, but Bonnie almost kills her. The Salvatore brothers stop her and vervain Elena, locking her up afterwards. Silas impersonates Rebekah and takes the cure from Elijah. Bonnie goes to see Silas and she asks to see his true face.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] LUCAS : This is the first draft to a novel I'm writing. GLENDA : Who knew? LUCAS : No one. RACHEL : I could pass calculus in my sleep. You're the one flunking out. RACHEL : This is the key to the cabinet with the answers. BROOKE : Got it. NATHAN : My mom tried to kill herself. I felt relieved, like maybe it was for the best. SHELLY : Have you guys met Chase? He's our newest Clean Teen, virgins for life. BROOKE : Hi. Brooke Davis... Clean Teen. SHELLY : I'm kind of afraid of being here with you. MOUTH : Why? SHELLY : You're hot. KEITH : Open your eyes, Luke. LUCAS : I saw Jimmy lying on the floor dead and Keith was standing above him. Jimmy didn't kill Keith. KAREN : Lucas said something really unsettling today. DAN : What did he say? KAREN : He said he doesn't think that Jimmy Edwards killed Keith. LUCAS' HOUSE Karen is watching a video of young Lucas. Dan is in the door step, watching from afar. LUCAS (voiceover) : Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us? KAREN (in the video) : Give me five, give me five! Come on! Five! Five! Nice shot. Can you say merry Christmas? LUCAS (in the video) : Merry Christmas. (Dan enters) DAN : It's amazing how fast they grow up, isn't it? (They both still watch) DAN : Ouch. (Lucas enters the room) LUCAS : Keith bought me that bike. Hey, mom. Don't forget. I got to get fitted for my tux today. KAREN : Right, the prom. You come by the café, and we'll go take a look this afternoon. LUCAS : All right. (Lucas leaves) DAN : How's he doing? I mean, with this notion about Keith not being taken by the Edwards kid? KAREN : I think he just needs to believe in it somehow. DAN : Let me take him shopping this afternoon for the tux. I've missed enough important moments in his life. I'd like to do something about that. Please? INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Lucas and Peyton are walking. They see Glenda. LUCAS : Hey, Glenda. GLENDA : Hi. LUCAS : Oh, you remember Peyton, right? GLENDA : Yeah, sure... the loner. PEYTON : Loner cheerleader. I really liked the picture you took of Lucas. The eye shadow was a little Fall Out Boy, though. GLENDA : So, Lucas, that book that you loaned me, I'm just in chapter 10, but I'd love to talk to you about it. LUCAS : Yeah. Good, no, anytime. GLENDA : Okay. Bye. PEYTON : Bye. (Glenda leaves) PEYTON : What book? LUCAS : Oh, I, um... I loaned her a copy of "The Great Gatsby." She's never read it. Can you believe that? PEYTON : I took her for more of an Edgar Allan Poe kind of girl. In the media center, Mouth and Shelly are kissing SHELLY : We should slow down. MOUTH : It feels like just the right speed to me. (The bell rings) SHELLY : Really... I have to go. Saved by the bell. (Shelly, followed by Mouth, goes out of the room and meet the other "clean teen" by chance) Brooke is in front of her locker, Haley comes to see her HALEY : Hey. I got to ask you something, and I really don't want you to get pissed off, but I have to ask you. BROOKE : Okay. HALEY : It's about the stolen test. You were failing calculus, and then you just got an "A" on the last test. Just tell me it's a coincidence. BROOKE : It was a coincidence. HALEY : Seriously, Brooke. BROOKE : Yeah. I know I have to pass the class to graduate, and you were busy tutoring Rachel, so I just got help from Chase instead. HALEY : Really? (Brooke nods) HALEY : Okay. Sorry. Principal Turner's just really pissed right now, he's on a major witch hunt. You should probably know you're, like, the prime suspect. BROOKE : It wasn't me. Scout's honor. HALEY : Okay. Sorry. REHAB CENTER Deb is in her room, sad. The nurse enters. NURSE : Why the long face? You know what today is. DEB : No, but I'm sure you're about to enlighten me. NURSE : Come on. You've got three weeks of sobriety. It's the first day you can have visitors. It's a good day. DEB : After the way I behaved, no one is coming for me. Trust me. NURSE : Hey, don't be so sure. Sometimes... people can surprise you. INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Brooke and Rachel are in the bathroom RACHEL : Are you on drugs?! You're not turning yourself in. BROOKE : I just had to lie to Haley. Turner is closing in, and I am stupid. RACHEL : Brooke, they don't have any proof. BROOKE : There's no use to this. I'm going to turn myself in. RACHEL : Fine. Whatever. Before you turn yourself in... you might want to take a look at this. It came for you this morning. (Rachel gives Brooke a letter) BROOKE : Oh, my god. Victoria's Secret wants to franchise Clothes Over Bro's for their pink fashion line. I... I'm going to be in stores everywhere! RACHEL : Maybe not. Look at paragraph 14. (Brooke seems surprise) RACHEL : So I like reading your mail. It's a guilty pleasure. The contract has a morality clause. That means they want student-council president Brooke Davis, not "I cheated in calculus" Brooke Davis. I don't think an expelled high-school student exactly fits the Victoria's Secret profile. BROOKE : What am I going to do? RACHEL : Nothing. Brooke, trust me. There's nothing they can do to prove you cheated on the test. In a classroom TURNER : As some of you may know, it has come to my attention that one of you cheated on the last exam. So today we're all going to take a little pop quiz. And I assure you, when I discover who that cheater is, they will be dealt with in the harshest possible way. RACHEL (to Brooke) : Didn't see that one coming. ONE TREE HILL CREDITS OUTSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Mouth joins Shelly who is at a table with other "clean teens" MOUTH : So, I was thinking we would get a limo for prom. I talked to Brooke, and she and Chase want to share. SHELLY : Mouth, can I talk to you for a minute? (They go away from the others) SHELLY : I don't think I can do this. MOUTH : What "this"? SHELLY : Us. I think maybe it's not such a good idea that we're dating. MOUTH : It's about them, isn't it? The Clean Teens. SHELLY : It's more complicated that. MOUTH : Well, explain it to me 'cause I'm pretty good with complicated. SHELLY : I can't go out with you. MOUTH : Okay, so, we're not dating, but we're... we're still going to prom, right? SHELLY : I don't think prom would be such a good idea, either. This was... This was a mistake. I'm sorry. (Shelly leaves) Brooke and Chase are walking CHASE : Maybe you passed the test this time. I mean, stranger things have happened... like Brooke Davis is dating a Clean Teen. BROOKE : Maybe. And it didn't feel that bad. Oh, who am I kidding? There's no way I passed that test. CHASE : Brooke, this could be the chance that you need to start over. Think about it. If you pass this time, you did it all on your own. BROOKE : Yeah, and if I didn't pass, I'm going to get expelled from school, and my life as I know it is over. CHASE : Well, I believe in you. FROM THE SPEAKER : "Brooke Davis, please report to the principal's office immediately." BROOKE : Well, okay, then. Dead girl kissing. CHASE : Good luck. BROOKE : Thanks. A SHOP Lucas is trying a tux, with Dan DAN : Nice fit for a rental. What are you... 42 regular? LUCAS : Yeah. Not bad. DAN : The trick with formal wear is to always go classic. You don't want to be that guy looking back 20 years from now regretting the blue ruffles. LUCAS : Mmm, yeah, right. What did you wear to prom? DAN : Blue ruffles... Hey, Lucas, I know it's been hard for you without Keith around, and your mother told me what you said about Jimmy Edwards. And I just want you to know that... you may not be wrong in what you're thinking. LUCAS : You don't think Jimmy killed Keith? DAN : Not exactly. What I mean is, I know you and Jimmy were friends, and maybe you're right. Maybe Jimmy didn't mean to kill Keith. Maybe what happened in that hallway was a terrible accident. But the truth is... we'll never know. So I need to ask you a favor, Lucas. I need you to stop and consider your mother's feelings. Because although she'll never admit it, all this talk is breaking her up on the inside. So you got to let it go... for her sake. CLERK : How we doing, gentlemen? DAN : Fine, thanks. We're going to take this Armani. CLERK : Sorry, sir. The Armani is only available for purchase. DAN : I'm aware of that, Slick. We'll take the Armani. LUCAS : You're buying me a tuxedo? DAN : Every man should own his own tuxedo. And every father should know what it feels like to buy one for his son. REHAB CENTER Deb is alone, Nathan knocks at her room DEB : Nathan. NATHAN : Hi. DEB : I-I-I wasn't sure you'd want to see me. NATHAN : To be honest, I wasn't sure I was coming. DEB : Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. NATHAN : Suicide... nice one, mom. And thanks for the note, by the way. DEB : Please, Nathan, don't. You can't begin to understand this disease. NATHAN : "Disease"? Is that what you're calling it now? Peyton's mom, Ellie, had a disease. Cancer... that's a disease, mom. What you have is a weakness. And when the hell are you going to start fighting it? DEB : I know. I know I've been weak. But I... I'm scared. NATHAN : Of what? Your... Your terrible life in that big, expensive house? 'Cause I'm not seeing it, mom. What are you so scared of? DEB : Myself. It's easy in here. I-I have a support team to stay sober. But out there, alone... I'm not sure I can trust myself. NATHAN : Mom... you better figure it out. Because if things don't change soon, you're not going to have anything to come home to. OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE Lucas comes home with Dan and his new tuxedo. They stops outside Lucas' bedroom LUCAS : Thanks. It's pretty cool. I think Peyton really going to love it. DAN : You're welcome. So, Peyton, huh? LUCAS : Yeah. (Inside, Karen is bringing some laundry and over hears the conversation) DAN : Well, have a good time, senior state champ. It's a good time to be alive. By the way, the state championship... You didn't take your HCM medication, did you? LUCAS : Why would you say that? DAN : Because I take those pills, Lucas. We have the same condition. You can fool other people, but you can't fool me. Well, it'll be our secret. Just promise me you won't do anything that stupid again, okay? Your mom's already been through enough. She needs you healthy and in one piece. (They enters the room and find Karen) LUCAS : Hey. KAREN : Hey. There you guys are. What took you so long? DAN : Well, we decided to turn a rental into a purchase. I know I should have cleared it with you first, but... I couldn't help myself. LUCAS : His idea. (Lucas leaves the room) KAREN : Um, Dan, we need to... we need to talk about this. DAN : Talk about what? KAREN : You and him... all of this, everything. DAN : Okay. How about dinner? I'll pick you up around 7:00. KAREN : That sounds like a date. DAN : No, no date... Just dinner. INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Brooke enters Principal Turner's office TURNER : Ah, miss Davis. It's about your calculus exam. It seems I owe you an apology. RACHEL'S HOUSE Rachel is sitting on her bed, Brooke arrives happy BROOKE : I passed the test! Turner just apologized. I guess all my studying paid off. How cool is that? RACHEL : Congratulations. Now you're free to be Victoria's Secret's next big thing. BROOKE : You know it. Okay, you are good with all this legal mumbo jumbo, so, what do I do next? RACHEL : Um, it seems pretty basic. In addition to your designs, you just have to turn over the artwork, and you're good to go. BROOKE : Artwork? INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Haley enters Principal Turner's office HALEY : Hey, principal Turner. You wanted to see me? TURNER : Yes. Please have a seat, Haley. We've discovered who stole the calculus exam, and, unfortunately, it's someone you know. Rachel Gatina. HALEY : It's not... are you sure it's Rachel? TURNER : Well, I've spoken to miss Gatina. I'm quite sure. Haley, you were tutoring her, and I'm afraid I have no choice but to ask you to resign your position at the tutor center effective immediatly. HALEY : No, look, principal Turner... TURNER : My decision is final. I'll need your key. I'm sorry it came to this, Haley. Word of advice? I might take a good look at who your real friends are. THE APARTMENT Nathan and Haley are sitting on the couch NATHAN : What do you mean you got fired? HALEY : It was Rachel. I was right about her all along. She was the one that stole the exam, and because I was tutoring her, they let me go. Bitch. NATHAN : But you had nothing to do with it. Didn't you just tell principal Turner? HALEY : Yeah, I did. I told him, and he said, "it's school policy." It just really sucks. I love tutoring, and we really needed that extra money. NATHAN : I'm so sorry, Haley. I know I went to bat for her. HALEY : I knew it. I knew I was right about her. I'm sorry. Look, it's not your fault. I know you were just trying to help her and just trying to... be a good guy. That's what I love about you. NATHAN : I don't feel like such a good guy right now. HALEY : Why? NATHAN : I went to see my mom this morning, and, uh, I think I was kind of hard on her. HALEY : Babe, if anybody's in need of tough love, it's your mom. NATHAN : I know, but... she's going to be released in a few days, and she told me that she's scared to be alone in the house. She's going to slip, Haley. I can feel it. HALEY : Well, why don't we do something about it? NATHAN : Like what? HALEY : I don't know. We need to save money. She needs help. We could... let the apartment go and move into her house. Yeah, look. It would be perfect. We'd save money, and we'd be there to watch her 24/7, and everybody wins. NATHAN : And Peyton thinks I'm a martyr. HALEY : Come on, she's... you know, she's your family. She's a train wreck, but she's your mom. NATHAN : You'd do that for her? HALEY : No, but I'd do that for you. INSIDE THE SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan is searching the house with Skills and Mouth NATHAN : Okay. My mom gets home in a few days, and I need this house to be completely drug-and alcohol-free. Let's fan out. (Nathan leaves the room) MOUTH : Dude, it's just Nathan's mom. How much booze could we possibly be talking about? Later, in the kitchen, all the bottles are on the counter, there are tones of alcohol SKILLS : Damn. Nate mom like the alcoholic easter bunny. MOUTH : Are we really going to dump it all? NATHAN : Hold on a second. It's friday. Prom's tomorrow night. We got a ton of booze, a huge house, and we just won a state championship. SKILLS : I like the way you think, dawg. With a crib like this, a brother could definitely get hooked up, especially if he got him a new shortie with some hot leather pants. You feeling me, Mouth? MOUTH : Yeah, but I don't think she is. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is on his bed, working on his computer, Peyton arrives PEYTON : What you working on? (He put his computer away, she joins him on the bed) LUCAS : Look, um... I got to be honest. Today I kind of lied to you. The book that I gave Glenda wasn't "The Gatsby." It's one I've been writing. (She looks surprised) LUCAS : And I needed an impartial opinion, so I gave it to her. PEYTON : I know there's no 10th chapter in "Gatsby." But thank you for telling me the truth. LUCAS : I'm sorry. I guess I'm just worried it's not going to be good. PEYTON : Well, what about me? I can be impartial. LUCAS : I don't think so. PEYTON : Why?! LUCAS : Because you're in it. PEYTON : Give me that book right now. LUCAS : No way. PEYTON : Please! LUCAS : It's not ready. PEYTON : Pretty please with... me on top? LUCAS : Well, I can... be persuaded. (They start kissing and making out) PEYTON : Okay, no. Okay, stop, stop, stop. I don't think so. LUCAS : Oh, come on. I'll let you read the first six chapters of my book. PEYTON : That's very sexy, um, but I just want our first time to be special. And right now it's really not with... nationals CD wedged underneath my back... which is a very good album, by the way. Plus, your mom's going to come in any second. LUCAS : She's working at the café. Nobody's going to walk in. (She starts being convinced when someone knocks at the door and enters right away. It's Brooke) BROOKE : Okay, my discomfort meter is pretty much pegged. Hi. Sorry. Luke, can I talk to Peyton for a sec? LUCAS : Sure. Just, um, you know, if you guys get into it, try not to break anything expensive. (Lucas leaves the room with his computer) BROOKE : For the record, I didn't come here to fight. Victoria's Secret has offered to franchise Clothes Over Bro's. So it's a really big... huge deal for me, but I can't move forward with it unless you're willing to sign off on your artwork. So... I just need to know what you need from me to make this work. PEYTON : You have a pen (Peyton takes the paper and the pen) BROOKE : What are you doing? PEYTON : I'm signing over the artwork to you. They're just sketches, Brooke. You're the one that turned them into Clothes Over Bro's. Congratulations, Brooke. BROOKE : Are you sure you're comfortable with this? PEYTON : Sure. I'm happy for you. (After a blank) PEYTON : You know I love him. I really do. But I never meant for my love for him to hurt you. BROOKE : Thank you, Peyton. [SCENE_BREAK] OUTSIDE THE SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan and Haley are arriving at the house. There are lots of cars in front of the house HALEY : Um, Nathan, what is going on? NATHAN : Well, we never really got a chance to celebrate winning state, and I figured with everything that's been going on lately, it might be nice to kick off prom and have a little... (Skills and Mouth open the front door) MOUTH : Party! SKILLS : Party! INSIDE THE SCOTT'S HOUSE The party is at its height. Skills and Mouth are talking SKILLS : Don't look now, Mouth, but Shelly all up in here right now. MOUTH : Where? (We see Shelly arriving) SKILLS : 12:00 and closing fast. MOUTH : Okay, on the count of three, we are out of here. Ready? Three. (They split, Shelly follows Mouth) SHELLY : Is this how it's going to be? You're just going to ignore me? MOUTH : Let me guess. You're here to tell me you want to be friends. I get it, Shelly. You're not attracted to me. SHELLY : It's not that. It is just the opposite. It's because I am attracted to you, Mouth. I'm just not sure I trust myself to be with you. MOUTH : Let me get this straight. You broke up with me the day before prom because you're so attracted to me? Okay, I think I really need a drink. AT A RESTAURANT Dan and Karen are having diner KAREN : Dan, this feels like a date. DAN : Let's just call it the mayor and almost-mayor having dinner. Karen, I want to start being a bigger part of Lucas' life. He needs a father, and I... I want to be that father to him, regardless of what's happening between us. KAREN : I'm pregnant with your brother's child. There's nothing happening between us. DAN : You're also alone. And if you need anything, and I mean anything at all, I want to be the man that you turn to. THE SCOTT'S HOUSE Luke is in a bedroom, looking at a picture of Keith. Nathan comes in NATHAN : Luke, you got to help me find some booze, man. It's going to get ugly down there. (Nathan sees what he is watching) NATHAN : You got to let this go, man. Keith's gone, Luke. Jimmy's gone. Nothing's going to bring them back. But... you got a ton of people that love you out there, and in a few months, most of those people are going to go their separate ways. So, what do you say, big brother? Let's have some fun. Downstairs, Brooke and Chase run into Haley BROOKE : Hey. HALEY : Hey. Oh, hey. I wanted to say congratulations on your calculus test. Turner told me. I am really sorry about this morning. I should never have doubted you. CHASE : I never doubted her for a second. HALEY : You should be really proud of yourself, Brooke. BROOKE : Well, as tempting as it was to be senior for another year, I figured it was probably time for me to graduate. HALEY : Um, have you guys seen Rachel? CHASE : She was holding court in the living room. HALEY : Clothed or unclothed? BROOKE : Clothed, but it was about 10 minutes ago, so you never know. Peyton finds Lucas downstairs PEYTON : So, we were in the chapter where you take your girlfriend up to that empty bedroom at the party. LUCAS : I think I may need to do a little research first. PEYTON : I was hoping you'd say that. (They both go upstairs) Rachel is dancing on the table RACHEL : Thank you, thank you. Tip your waitresses. Or me. (Rachel leaves the table, Haley arrives) HALEY : So, how'd you do it, Rachel? RACHEL : Do what? HALEY : Don't throw dumb-ass at me, girly. You stole that test, and I want to know how you did it. Did you steal my key while I was in the hospital? Yeah, I bet you did, didn't you? You know, I could have spent my time tutoring someone that actually needed it, and now I'm not going to have that opportunity again, thanks to you. RACHEL : Whatever. HALEY : So... (Haley throws her full glass to her face) HALEY : That is for getting me fired. (Haley slaps Rachel) HALEY : And that is for trying to sleep with my husband. RACHEL : Bitch, you are lucky you're pregnant. HALEY : Honey, you're lucky that I'm pregnant. I think it's time you get your insecure, cheating skank ass out of this house right now. RACHEL : You bit... (Skills stops Rachel from pushing Haley) SKILLS : Yo, I think it's time for you to leave. (Rachel leaves) SKILLS : Told you I got the kid's back. Rachel is leaving the house, Brooke follows her BROOKE : Rachel, wait. What the hell was that? What did you do to piss off Haley? RACHEL : It was the exam. Haley found out I stole it and... they fired her. Guess I didn't see that one coming, either. BROOKE : But how? We both passed the retest. RACHEL : Not exactly, Copernicus. Only one of us did. FLASHBACK TO THE CLASSROOM In the classroom earlier, at the end of the exam, we see Rachel taking Brooke's paper and put her name on the paper she did END OF THE FLASHBACK. THE SCOTT'S HOUSE BROOKE : Why would you do that? RACHEL : Victoria's Secret, Brooke... The morals clause. Besides, I figured I got you into this, so... I wanted to get you out. You're my friend, Brooke. BROOKE : What are they going to do to you now? RACHEL : Who knows? We'll see. Brooke, it's okay. I'll be fine. I'm going to take off. Go back in and hang with Chase. I'll catch up with you at home. (Rachel starts leaving) BROOKE : Rachel... Thank you. Nathan comes to find Haley and Skills NATHAN : Haley. I heard you were fighting Rachel. You punched her? HALEY : It was more of a bitch-slap. SKILLS : Yeah, that was after she threw the drink on her. HALEY : I'm okay. Don't worry about me. I feel fi.. (Haley is holding her belly) NATHAN : What is it? Are you okay? HALEY : Yeah, the baby's just really kicking. NATHAN : It's kicking? HALEY : Oh, yeah. (Nathan puts his hand on her belly) NATHAN : I feel can it. That's our boy. HALEY : Yeah. In a bedroom, Mouth is alone, thinking. Shelly joins him SHELLY : Mouth... (She closes the door) SHELLY : Are you okay? MOUTH : No. SHELLY : I know it's my fault. I'm sorry. MOUTH : It's just hard, you know? I look at you, and it hurts so much to know that we can't be together. SHELLY : Mouth. MOUTH : I know you're a Clean Teen, Shelly, but what do you want me to say? That I don't want to sleep with you? That I don't want my first time to be with you? Well, I can't say that 'cause that would be a lie. From the moment I saw you, I was hooked. And I got to look into those beautiful eyes and kiss you, and now that's all I want to do. I could kiss you forever. And I know I'm not good enough. SHELLY : No. No (She kisses him and they start making out) Outside, Brooke has stayed on the door step, Chase joins her CHASE : So, is this where tomorrow night's prom queen is hanging out? What's up? BROOKE : I'm just worried about Rachel. CHASE : That's my girl. There's a raging party going on, and you're worried about a friend. You're a good person, Brooke Davis. BROOKE : You think so? I've done some things I'm really not proud of. CHASE : You're a good person. BROOKE : You sure? CHASE : I'm sure. BROOKE : Does that mean you want to kiss me some more? (They kiss) We see Skills putting a video called "Nathan scores" in the video tape recorder. On the TV, we can see Nathan playing basketball SKILLS : Old school Nathan in the house. NATHAN (on the video) : Scott... Nathan Scott. PEYTON (on the video) : That's my baby. (On the tape, Peyton and Nathan kiss. It was taped a long time ago) SKILLS : Oh, snap! BEVIN : I thought you and Nathan were married. In the bedroom, Mouth and Shelly are dressing again MOUTH : Shelly, are you okay? I mean, was that okay? SHELLY : Yeah, I-I just got to find my shirt. (Skills enters the room) SKILLS : Aw, my bad. (Skills close the door) SKILLS (from the other side of the door) : Nice work, though! MOUTH : Shelly... (She starts crying) MOUTH : Hey, hey, don't cry. Skills won't tell anyone. I promise. SHELLY : You don't understand. I got to go. MOUTH : But tonight, this, I mean... this was the start of something really good. This was the start of us. Can't you feel that? SHELLY : I'm a Clean Teen. I'm the Clean Teen. I could love you. I know I could. But I can't. MOUTH : Then what was this? SHELLY : This was goodbye. (Shelly starts leaving) MOUTH : Shelly, please don't go. SHELLY : Mouth, don't call me. If you really like me, just... let me go. (Mouth lies on the bed and starts crying) OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE Dan walks Karen to the porch DAN : Thanks for a great evening. Oh, and thanks for letting Lucas keep the tux. KAREN : Oh, well, uh, I had him try it on. It looks good on him. It's better than those blue ruffles. DAN : Um, you know... I'm chaperoning at the prom. They still need a couple parents. KAREN : You're asking me to the prom? DAN : Yeah, I guess I am. KAREN : Okay. THE SCOTT'S HOUSE Lucas and Peyton are in a bedroom, kissing. Peyton starts taking off his shirt LUCAS : I thought you said you wanted to wait. PEYTON : Do you remember what you said the last time we were here? You said you wanted it all, and... I walked away. I made a big mistake that night 'cause all I wanted was s*x. LUCAS : What do you want now? PEYTON : Now I want what you wanted. I want everything with you. (They start making out) Skills finds Mouth alone on the stairs SKILLS : There he is. Big night, dawg, big night! So, how you feel? MOUTH : Well, I lost my virginity, my prom date, and a girl I really could have loved... all in one night. To tell you the truth, Skills... I never felt worse. (Mouth leaves) Nathan goes outside and find Brooke alone, sitting on a bench NATHAN : Where's the new boyfriend? BROOKE : Taking a break. When all you do is kiss, you got to come up for air once in a while. NATHAN : Well, he seems like a really good guy... Chase. BROOKE : Yeah, he is. I really like him. NATHAN : Good. BROOKE : Listen, I'm really sorry about Haley and the whole tutor-center thing. NATHAN : Don't be sorry. It's not like it was your fault. BROOKE : Yeah. So, how come you're not in there enjoying your big party? NATHAN : Well, Skills broke out the old Ravens' game footage. I swear, when I watch it, it doesn't even feel like me. BROOKE : I should hope not. You were such a jerk! You were dating Peyton, and you guys fought all the time. NATHAN : Hey, look who's talking. Are you ever going to let Peyton off the mat? BROOKE : Yeah. I guess it's about time, isn't it? NATHAN : Yeah, actually, it is. Don't move. (Nathan is moving away) BROOKE : Why? (He is looking at his watch) BROOKE : Nathan, what... what's going on? NATHAN : The sprinklers. BROOKE : What?! (The sprinklers start, and Brooke starts chasing Nathan and having fun) BROOKE : You think you're funny? You are so dead! Oh, I got you, I got you, I got you. LUCAS (voiceover) : If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did... would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment? One moment that you always wanted back? On the TV, the tape switch to Nathan who is about to having s*x with someone GIRL 1 : Oh, my god. Is that Nathan?! GIRL 2 : Is that Haley?! GIRL 3 : I think it's Peyton. Lucas and Peyton are still making out. They hear everybody shouting from downstairs PEYTON : What's going on out there? LUCAS : I don't know GUY (from downstairs) : Dude, you got to see this! There's a tape of Peyton having s*x with Nathan! PEYTON : Oh, my god! (Peyton grab her shirt and leaves the room, followed by Lucas) Downstairs, Peyton enters the living room PEYTON : Shut it off! Shut it off! (Nathan and Brooke come back inside) (We see on the video that Nathan is in fact with Brooke) BROOKE (on the video) : Come on. I can't believe I'm doing this. NATHAN (on the video) : Don't worry. Nobody will ever know. (Everybody is looking at Brooke)
Plan: A: Haley; Q: Who confronts Brooke about the stolen calculus test? A: Brooke; Q: Who does Peyton grow closer to? A: their relationship; Q: What do Lucas and Peyton consider taking to the next level? A: Deb; Q: Who is absent when Nathan throws a party at the Scott House? A: Nathan; Q: Who throws a senior party at the Scott House? A: The National; Q: What band is this episode named after? Summary: Haley confronts Brooke regarding the stolen calculus test. Lucas and Peyton consider taking their relationship to the next level. Peyton and Brooke grow closer. In Deb's absence, Nathan throws a senior party at the Scott House where a sex tape from Nathan's past surfaces. This episode is named after an album by The National .
THE POWER OF THE DALEKS 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 1 - CAPSULE INTERIOR (As Lesterson moves through a number of doorways, he hears the sounds of activity a short distance ahead. Eventually, Lesterson reaches the end of corridor. A small glass panel is positioned on the wall. Staring through the panel, Lesterson gasps at the contents of the large chamber before him. Dozens of Daleks are gliding through the room - many of them are operating instrument panels. At one end of the room, a conveyor belt is moving through an archway. A bottom half of a Dalek casing suddenly appears on the conveyor. Lesterson watches as the casing moves forward, and is enveloped by a jet of steam. A few seconds later, the casing is covered by a foaming liquid. Lesterson watches in horror as another Dalek scoops up a bubbling green mass from within a glass globe, and places the mass inside the Dalek casing. The top half of the Dalek is then placed over the casing. Lesterson shrinks back terrified, as this procedure is repeated over and over again.) FIRST DALEK: Dalek nine complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. NEW DALEKS: (Repeated independently by each new Dalek over top of the methodical count.) We are the new race of Daleks! FIRST DALEK: Dalek ten complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek eleven complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek twelve complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek thirteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek fourteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek fifteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek sixteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek seventeen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek eighteen complete. (Overcome with shock, Lesterson stumbles back through the low arched corridors of the capsule. Once back in his laboratory, he staggers over to a large cabinet, and shoves it in front of the capsule's entrance. Janley walks into the laboratory, and immediately notices the look of terror on Lesterson's face.) JANLEY: What's the matter? What is it? (Lesterson attempts to mumble an answer.) JANLEY: Are you ill? LESTERSON: They're in there -- making themselves! Duplicating! JANLEY: What? What are you talking about? (Lesterson indicates the generator panel.) LESTERSON: I started this, opening the capsule! (Suddenly, Lesterson moves around the laboratory at frenetic speed - pulling levers, turning dials, and flicking at switches. Janley rushes forward, and attempts to restrain the overwrought scientist.) JANLEY: Lesterson! LESTERSON: Don't try to stop me! (Gradually, the lights on the panel flicker and die - the vibrating hum whirrs into silence.) JANLEY: What happened? LESTERSON: They forget that I control them! I gave them life back again, and now I've taken it away! Finished! Stopped it! JANLEY: The Daleks... LESTERSON: Evil! Horrible! I know what I'm going to do! Laser torches! Melt them down! I'm going to melt the Daleks down to pools of metal! JANLEY: You won't Lesterson! LESTERSON: Ah, do you think I care what you can do?! Go on, tell everybody I was responsible for Resno's death! I don't care! I'm going to wipe out the Daleks! (Janley rushes from the laboratory.) LESTERSON: Yes, tell everybody all about me! I'm still going to... I'm going to... wipe out the Daleks! (Lesterson lifts the communications receiver.) LESTERSON: Get me the Examiner. Prison? Who put him there? But I've got to talk to him! I've got to, don't you understand?! (The receiver suddenly goes silent as the other party terminates the connection. As Lesterson wonders what to do, he is unaware that the cabinet blocking the capsule is moving slightly. Eventually, a gap appears, and one of the unarmed Daleks moves towards Lesterson. Lesterson spins around, detecting the sounds of movement.) LESTERSON: How did you get there?! I cut off the power! DALEK: We can store power. We will soon have our own. LESTERSON: Own power?! DALEK: Why was the capsule door closed? LESTERSON: Own power?! Ahh! (Lesterson suddenly sprints from the laboratory in a wild panic. Another unarmed Dalek emerges from the capsule.) FIRST DALEK: Seal off the capsule's secret entrance. SECOND DALEK: I obey. (The second Dalek glides back towards the capsule.) FIRST DALEK: Wait! (The second Dalek turns back to its superior.) FIRST DALEK: No more than three Daleks to be seen together at any one time. SECOND DALEK: I obey. FIRST DALEK: We are not ready yet to teach these human beings the law of the Daleks. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 2 - CORRIDOR (Running blindly along a corridor, Lesterson stumbles into a guard.) LESTERSON: You can help me! FIRST GUARD: What's the matter? LESTERSON: Where... where's the Examiner?! I ... ?! FIRST GUARD: The Examiner's in prison. LESTERSON: Ah, yes. FIRST GUARD: What's the matter with you? LESTERSON: I forgot. FIRST GUARD: What are you running for? Hey! (Lesterson sprints back in the direction in which he came from. Sensing that something is wrong, the guard gives chase.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 3 - LESTERSON'S LABORATORY (Janley escorts a bound and gagged Polly into the laboratory. At the door, Kebble is keeping watch. A Dalek glides from the capsule, and approaches Janley.) JANLEY: Did Lesterson come back? DALEK: No. (Looking at Polly.) Why is this human restricted? JANLEY: She's against the Daleks. (Janley yanks the gag from Polly's mouth, while Kebble removes the cord from her wrists. Polly is then offered some water by Kebble.) JANLEY: Afraid, are you? Nothing's going to happen to you if you behave. POLLY: (Accepting the drink.) The Daleks? Of course I'm afraid - and so should you be. JANLEY: The Daleks are going to help us. POLLY: 'Us' being the rebels, I suppose. JANLEY: If you like. POLLY: And when you've won, the Daleks will just go back to being servants again? You're bigger fools than I thought. DALEK: We are your servants. POLLY: While it suits you. JANLEY: You'll see. KEBBLE: In! (Kebble forces Polly towards the capsule.) KEBBLE: you want me to stay with her? JANLEY: Yes. You may have to help Valmar. He'll be here in a minute to fix up the new Dalek cower... power cable. KEBBLE: Right. DALEK: When will the work be completed? (Kebble and Polly disappear into the capsule.) JANLEY: What is this cable you Daleks are laying, anyway? DALEK: Daleks operate on static electricity. JANLEY: Static! Is that possible? DALEK: To create static, the Daleks need a complete cable circuit. JANLEY: I see. You convert our electricity into your own power. DALEK: That is correct. When will the human being complete the work? JANLEY: He'll be here. It's easier now. There's no-one to interfere with our plans. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 4 - CELL BLOCK (In the detention area, the Doctor is striking a number of high-pitched notes on a piece of glass. Quinn is becoming increasingly irritated.) QUINN: Do you have to do that? I'm afraid you'll find these locks are foolproof. DOCTOR: I wonder how they're converting the power? QUINN: Wha... What are you talking about? DOCTOR: The Daleks - they're powered by static electricity. It's like blood to them - a constant life-stream. QUINN: Static isn't workable! DOCTOR: It is to the Daleks. They've conquered static, just as they've conquered anti-magnetics. QUINN: I'm not going to listen to any more of this nonsense. DOCTOR: (Returning to the piece of glass.) I don't seem to be able to hit the right note. (Looking around the cell, the Doctor notices a water jug and a drinking glass by his bed. Leaping to his feet joyfully, the Doctor rushes over to the jug, and fills the glass with water until the jug is empty. The Doctor then strikes the glass a number of times, nods to himself, and takes a sip of the water. He continues making 'pinging' noises with the glass. Quinn sighs, shaking his head.) DOCTOR: Do you have any more water? QUINN: I hope not. No. DOCTOR: Then I shall have to get some. (Lesterson suddenly enters the area, in heavy argument with a guard.) SECOND GUARD: You can't! LESTERSON: But it's important! It's desperately important! SECOND GUARD: Well, Bragen gave orders. LESTERSON: Just get out of my way! (Lesterson pushes the guard violently away.) LESTERSON: Ah! Examiner! The Daleks...! DOCTOR: Yes? (The second guard recovers, and grabs Lesterson. At the same time, the guard who was chasing Lesterson, also appears.) LESTERSON: They're duplicating! I've seen them! (The guards drag a resisting Lesterson from the room.) LESTERSON: They've got their own power now! I... I can't stop them! (A third guard enters the room, and notices the struggles of his colleagues.) THIRD GUARD: Take him to Bragen. (The two guards drag Lesterson from the room.) LESTERSON: Oh!... Oh!... Oh!... DOCTOR: I say. I say, do you think we might have a little more water? (The guard nods, and walks off.) QUINN: Is that all you can say? Lesterson fights his way down here to speak to you and all you can do is demand more water?! (The guard returns with the jug of water. Disgusted, Quinn throws himself on to the bed in his cell. The guard walks up to the door of the Doctor's cell. He retrieves the sound device, and holds it near to the lock.) THIRD GUARD: (Noticing the Doctor nearby.) Get away from the door. (The Doctor moves back from the door, and watches as the guard operates the sound mechanism. As the whining sound is emitted, the Doctor secretly produces his recorder, and quietly begins playing a number of notes. As soon as the guard leaves, the Doctor adds more water to the glass. He then wets his forefinger, and runs it around the rim of the glass. Not satisfied with the noise, the Doctor pours a little more water into the glass. This procedure is repeated a number of times.) QUINN: (Realising what the Doctor is attempting to accomplish.) Sorry about that outburst. I thought it might help the situation. (The Doctor holds up his hand for quiet. He then adds another drop of water to the glass. Quinn watches the door nervously as the Doctor strikes a number of notes.) QUINN: Nearly... Nearly... [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 5 - GOVERNOR'S TERRACE (On Hensell's terrace, a Dalek is laying a cable across the room. Bragen continues working at his desk, not interested in what the Dalek is doing. The two guards enter the room, with Lesterson under their control. Bragen looks up sharply.) BRAGEN: What's this? FIRST GUARD: He tried to break in and speak with the Examiner. LESTERSON: (Noticing the Dalek.) What is the Dalek doing?! BRAGEN: I thought you knew. Something to do with the emergency power supply. LESTERSON: Ah, no! It's... it's a trick! I didn't ask for it! BRAGEN: Lesterson, I've had reports. LESTERSON: (To the Dalek.) What are you doing?! DALEK: Laying the new emergency power supply as you ordered, master. LESTERSON: It... it... it's a lie! BRAGEN: I've had reports of your incomprehensible behaviour. LESTERSON: Yes. Yes, I... I can explain -- if you'll get rid of that! BRAGEN: (To the Dalek.) Finish now. DALEK: I am your servant. (The Dalek glides from the room.) LESTERSON: Where is the Governor?! BRAGEN: At the perimeter. Why? LESTERSON: Call him! Get him back here as quickly as possible! We're all in terrible danger! The Examiner was right! Right all the time! (At that moment, Janley enters the room.) LESTERSON: Don't listen to anything she has to say! JANLEY: Come along now. LESTERSON: She's in league with the Daleks! JANLEY: Now, now, now, now. Please, Lesterson. Let's just take things calmly, you're not well. LESTERSON: I'm perfectly well! JANLEY: Please Lesterson, please. Now, you ought to be in hospital. You promised me you'd report there. LESTERSON: I promised nothing of the kind! JANLEY: Don't you remember? Never mind. I understand. BRAGEN: Hmm. Pity. It's probably only temporary. LESTERSON: You're trying to say I'm mad! BRAGEN: No. No, not mad. JANLEY: (Simultaneously.) No. Of course not. No. LESTERSON: But, I tell you, I saw the Daleks! They were duplicating! I saw it! I swear to you! JANLEY: He suddenly started saying these things in the lab. I'm... I'm afraid, he's... LESTERSON: Oh, no! No! (Lesterson's frustration is clearly apparent. Bragen turns to the guards.) BRAGEN: Keep him under restraint. (The guards nod, and drag the protesting scientist from the room. Lesterson continues to cry out in anguish.) LESTERSON: Oh, will nobody listen to me?! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 6 - CAPSULE INTERIOR (Inside the capsule, Polly and Valmar are sitting inside a tiny compartment. Polly watches as Valmar busily connects a number of cables into a square box. A Dalek is hovering nearby.) VALMAR: Pass me that small screwdriver. POLLY: I can't. My hands are tied. Anyway, I wouldn't help you, even if I could. VALMAR: OK. (Valmar shrugs, and rummages in the tool box himself. Kebble appears, and manages to squeeze his way into the compartment. Kebble is holding yet more cables. The Dalek glides from the room.) VALMAR: More? I can't handle them. KEBBLE: This is the lot. POLLY: Listen. The Dalek's gone now. KEBBLE: That doesn't mean you can start talking. VALMAR: Oh, leave her alone, Kebble. She isn't doing any harm. POLLY: You think you're very tough don't you, pushing a girl around. I'd like to see you come up against a real man. KEBBLE: Like who? POLLY: Like Ben, for instance. KEBBLE: Don't worry about him. We've got him safely stowed away. POLLY: You've got Ben? KEBBLE: He's sleeping off a slight fall. VALMAR: I told you to leave her alone. POLLY: Your name's Valmar, isn't it? VALMAR: That's it. POLLY: You want the Daleks to fight the Governor. But don't you see? They'll turn on you, too. KEBBLE: What? Three big pepper pots? VALMAR: One of them did kill Resno. You saw what the Dalek did to that sheet of metal. POLLY: And that's just the beginning. KEBBLE: Don't listen to her. She's giving you the Examiner's line. POLLY: He isn't the Examiner. We're just travellers. Landed here by accident. The Doctor -- that's the man you think is the Examiner -- found the real Examiner dead, and picked up his papers. (Kebble laughs.) VALMAR: This Doctor of yours. He knows something about the Daleks? POLLY: He tried to warn everyone. It's the only reason we stayed here. (Suddenly, the Dalek returns to the capsule.) DALEK: When will the work be completed? VALMAR: I don't know. I'll need a new junction box like this one. (The Dalek swivels around, and leaves the room again.) POLLY: You've all underestimated these Daleks. KEBBLE: Better brains than us, I suppose. POLLY: I only know what the Doctor has told me - he says they're capable of exterminating whole nations. VALMAR: Perhaps, but what would they want to kill us for - after we've taken over. We're friendly with the Daleks. POLLY: But, don't you see? Human beings can't be friends with Daleks. They don't have friends. VALMAR: I don't see why not. POLLY: It's a kind of hatred for anything unlike themselves. They think they're superior. VALMAR: The girl's got something. KEBBLE: You want to tell Janley? You're welcome! POLLY: Janley! She'll betray the lot of you, if she gets the chance. DALEK: (Reappearing again.) The other junction box is outside. VALMAR: Thank you. (Valmar resumes his work as Kebble smiles at Polly.) KEBBLE: Talk too much, don't you? Didn't you know he was soft on Janley? (Valmar looks up, and gives Kebble a piercing stare.) KEBBLE: All right, all right, I'm just putting her straight. VALMAR: More slack on the cables. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 7 - CORRIDOR (A Dalek moves through a corridor of the colony. A thick cable is draped over its sucker-stick. The Dalek detects the sounds of voices ahead. It turns back, and moves out of sight as two humans appear.) HENSELL: What are all these cables lying about? FIRST GUARD: New emergency power supply. HENSELL: Who's idea was that? FIRST GUARD: What do you want to know for? HENSELL: What do I...?! Don't you know I'm the Governor? (The guard promptly stands to attention.) HENSELL: Where are you from? FIRST GUARD: The interior, sir. HENSELL: The interior? Why are you carrying a gun? FIRST GUARD: I'm a Squad Leader in Bragen's guard, sir. HENSELL: Oh, I see. Bragen's guard, eh? All right, carry on. (Seething with rage, Hensell marches furiously towards his office.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 8 - CELL BLOCK (In the detention area, the Doctor continues to experiment with the glass.) GUARD: Cut that row out, you two! (The Doctor shrugs, and starts playing his recorder. The guard moves across to Quinn's cell, and opens the door. He then opens the door between the two cells.) GUARD: Stop that. (The Doctor casually picks up the glass of water and suddenly throws it in the guard's face.) GUARD: Oh! (As the guard staggers back in surprise, Quinn jumps to his feet, and knocks the guard out. The Doctor rushes into Quinn's cell, and confiscates the sound-box. Quinn quickly grabs the box from the Doctor and rushes outside. The Doctor hesitates, and then rushes back into his cell.) QUINN: Come on. DOCTOR: Wait a minute! (The Doctor returns with the jug of water.) DOCTOR: We don't want him trying it, although he seemed a bit tone deaf to me. (Quinn points the sound device towards the lock, and switches it on. The dazed guard is locked inside the cell.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 9 - GOVERNOR'S OFFICE (Hensell strides into his office, and notices Bragen casually sitting at the Governor's desk. Bragen fails to even glance up from his papers as Hensell approaches the desk.) HENSELL: Well, Bragen - these trips are becoming more and more demanding. BRAGEN: I didn't expect you, Governor. HENSELL: Ah, I had as much as I could stand. Well? What's been happening here? BRAGEN: One moment. (Bragen continues signing his papers.) HENSELL: I asked you a question, man. BRAGEN: I heard you. HENSELL: Look, your work can wait. You can hand over to me tomorrow. I want to hear about the Examiner. (After one more signature, Bragen finally sits back, and looks up at Hensell.) BRAGEN: The Examiner is at present in jail. HENSELL: In jail? That's rather dangerous isn't it? Who put him there? BRAGEN: I did. HENSELL: You did? In heaven's sake, why? BRAGEN: He's an impostor, Governor. Possibly a murderer as well. We have just discovered the body of the real Examiner in the mercury swamp. HENSELL: I hope you're sure of your facts, Bragen. BRAGEN: Quite sure. HENSELL: This could have far-reaching consequences. BRAGEN: As far as I am concerned, there's nothing more to be said. So if there's nothing further... HENSELL: Nothing further! Who the devil do you think you're talking to? Stand up when you're speaking to me man! BRAGEN: I prefer to remain seated. HENSELL: Do you now?! We'll soon see about that. Guards! (Two guards enter, and stand to attention.) HENSELL: Take this man out of my office. (The guards fail to move.) HENSELL: Did you hear what I said? That's an order! BRAGEN: You forget, my dear Hensell. They're not your guards -- they're mine. HENSELL: I am the Governor! BRAGEN: No. Not now. I am. (Bragen smiles, and leans back in the chair.) HENSELL: Oh, I see. Your guards, eh? Yes, Quinn warned me about your guards, but we all took them too lightly, didn't we? But we'll soon change that. (Hensell turns to the door, however the guards are blocking his way.) HENSELL: You imbecile! How long do you think your handful of guards can hang out when the people hear that I am being kept a prisoner in my own capital?! BRAGEN: The people will do exactly as they are told, Hensell. (Bragen presses a button on the desk, and then stands up.) BRAGEN: It will, of course, be easier for them if you co-operate with us. (Bragen indicates to Hensell to sit down behind the desk. Bragen turns towards the door as a Dalek glides in.) BRAGEN: Wait there. Guards, dismissed. (As Hensell reclaims his seat, the guards leave the room.) HENSELL: So Bragen, you want my co-operation, do you? BRAGEN: It would save bloodshed. I might even let you keep the title of Governor. HENSELL: Might you now?! I'll tell you what you will do. You'll order your guards to disarm and place yourself under arrest immediately! BRAGEN: So you reject my offer? I thought it a generous one in the circumstances. HENSELL: What circumstances? BRAGEN: (Indicating the Dalek gun-stick.) Look at this. HENSELL: What is it? BRAGEN: The reason that the colony is now mine. (Bragen fixes the gun-stick back to the Dalek.) HENSELL: (Watching nervously.) Is it a weapon of some kind? (Hensell suddenly stands up, gripped with fear.) BRAGEN: I'll arrange a demonstration for you. Do you still refuse my offer? HENSELL: I will not be intimidated. BRAGEN: Of course not. In character to the last, Hensell. Kill him! (Hensell arches in agony as the Dalek delivers its deadly ray. Hensell slumps dead to the ground. Bragen immediately disconnects the gun as the Dalek turns its eye-stick from the dead man to Bragen.) DALEK: Why do human beings kill human beings? BRAGEN: Get on with your work! DALEK: Yes, master. I obey. BRAGEN: Yes, obey me! From now on, I will have complete obedience from everyone! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 10 - LESTERSON'S LABORATORY (The Doctor and Quinn sneak into Lesterson's laboratory. They hide behind a workbench as a Dalek glides into the room, followed by Valmar.) VALMAR: I'll have to check the cable circuit now. Otherwise, it's just as you asked for. DALEK: Very well. VALMAR: Why can't you carry on with the power you're drawing from the colony? Why go to all this trouble? DALEK: Until now, we have had to recharge from the colony supply. With static power, the Daleks will be twice as useful. JANLEY: (Rushing into the laboratory.) Valmar, quick! VALMAR: What's the matter? JANLEY: The Governor's back. VALMAR: What about the girl? JANLEY: Leave her. DALEK: I will follow you. VALMAR: What for? DALEK: I am your servant. JANLEY: Come on. (Janley, Valmar and the Dalek leave the room. The Doctor and Quinn emerge from their hiding place, and examine the newly-laid cables.) DOCTOR: An electrical circuit of their own supplying static electricity! I wonder how much longer we've got? (The Doctor follows the cables towards the capsule.) DOCTOR: I didn't realise they'd have a circuit of their own. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 11 - CAPSULE INTERIOR (Inside the capsule, Polly and Kebble have heard the sounds of approaching voices. Polly suddenly recognises the Doctor. Kebble reaches for a metal vice, but Polly wraps her arms around his legs and screams.) POLLY: Doctor, look out! (Kebble shoves Polly away as the Doctor and Quinn peer into the capsule's entrance. Kebble suddenly leaps from the capsule, and attacks Quinn. However, Quinn quickly gains the upper hand, and eventually renders Kebble unconscious. Polly rushes up to the Doctor.) POLLY: Are you all right? DOCTOR: Well done! Who was the man who went outside just now? POLLY: Valmar. He's been working for the Daleks. DOCTOR: (Nodding.) On their static power supply. POLLY: Doctor, they've got Ben. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. He ran away so that I could... Oh well, it's a long story, but don't worry. That boy can take care of himself! (The Doctor turns back towards the capsule, just as a Dalek emerges from the entrance, complete with gun-stick. The Doctor reaches towards Kebble's vice.) QUINN: Did you hear that? That won't help. DOCTOR: Get out! All of you! QUINN: What about you?! POLLY: But Doctor! Oh... DOCTOR: Go! (As Quinn and Polly leave the laboratory, the Dalek glides down the entrance hatch. The Doctor hesitates momentarily, and then races after Quinn and Polly. As the Doctor closes the laboratory door, he jams the vice through the door handle. A second Dalek emerges from the capsule.) SECOND DALEK: Have they escaped? FIRST DALEK: Yes, return to capsule and report. SECOND DALEK: I obey. (The first Dalek batters the door with it's sucker-stick, but the door refuses to budge. The Dalek moves back, and fires its ray at the door. The handle of the door (including the metal vice) buckle in the intense heat, and fall to the floor. The Dalek glides outside the laboratory.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 12 - CAPSULE INTERIOR (The Daleks are gathering inside their production plant.) FIRST DALEK: We are to wait here until the human beings fight among themselves. SECOND DALEK: Then we will strike. ALL DALEKS: And exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 13 - GOVERNOR'S TERRACE (In Hensell's terrace, the Doctor, Quinn and Polly have discovered the Governor's body.) QUINN: The one man who could have saved us. DOCTOR: Don't worry, the people will follow you, too. QUINN: Maybe. But there wasn't any maybe about Hensell. He was old-fashioned. Single-minded, yes, but he's done a lot of wonderful work for this colony. Events turned out against him, that's all. But why? Why was he killed? BRAGEN: I can answer that. (The group around as Bragen and two guards stride into the room.) BRAGEN: He wanted to destroy the Daleks, so one of them killed him. Now, I'm declaring martial law. You will be returned to prison, and properly guarded this time. DOCTOR: Martial law! What good do you think that will do against the Daleks? BRAGEN: The Daleks will do as I tell them. DOCTOR: We shall see, shan't we. BRAGEN: Take them away. (The Doctor, Quinn and Polly are escorted from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 14 - CAPSULE INTERIOR (The Daleks screech frenetically.) ALL DALEKS: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! SECOND DALEK: Orders received. Exterminate all humans! FIRST DALEK: Exterminate all humans! SECOND DALEK: Exterminate! Annihilate! Destroy! Daleks conquer and destroy! ALL DALEKS: (In unison.) Daleks conquer and destroy! Daleks conquer and destroy! Daleks conquer and destroy! Daleks conquer and destroy! Daleks conquer and destroy! (One by one, they glide from the capsule.)
Plan: A: a rebellion; Q: What does the head of security for the Earth colony Vulcan lead? A: The Daleks; Q: Who is preparing to make their final assault on the people of the colony? Summary: The head of security for the Earth colony Vulcan, leads a rebellion; The Daleks prepare to make their final assault on the people of the colony.
Kilgharrah : In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin. [SCENE_BREAK] [00:19, INT. GAWANT CASTLE, NURSERY - DAY] [A Sidhe enters the nursery where a baby sleeps peacefully in a cradle.] Sidhe Elder : Attrab i n-ingin-seo ocus oentaig lé! [The baby's face glows blue. She wakes and begins crying.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Générique] [SCENE_BREAK] [01:41, INT. GAWANT CASTLE, PRINCESS ELENA'S CHAMBER - DAY] [20 years later...] [Princess Elena walks about barefoot, picks her teeth, farts, and chews an apple with her mouth open. She comes down drawbridge and greets her father with a kiss.] Lord Godwyn : Oh, come on, we're going to be late! Princess Elena : Not if you get rid of that thing. [Elena points at the carriage.] Lord Godwyn : I want you to arrive like the princess you are. Princess Elena : It's no fun in there. Grunhilda : Fun? Who said anything about fun? Certainly no fun chasing after you. I tried, sir. Lord Godwyn : I'm sure you did, Grunhilda. [Grunhilda places shoes in front of Elena. Elena's jaw drops.] Grunhilda : Go on then. [Lord Godwyn nods to the shoes.] Princess Elena : Ugh. [Elena squeezes her feet into the shoes painfully.] Grunhilda : Perfect. Princess Elena : Perfect for what? Certainly not for walking in. Grunhilda : Elena. [SCENE_BREAK] [02:49, INT. KING'S PALACE, THRONE ROOM - DAY] [Uther, Arthur, and Merlin approach the dais.] Uther : Arthur. It is an exciting day. Arthur : The arrival of Lord Godwyn is always a cause for celebration. Uther : And Princess Elena. Arthur : Yes. Uther : I hear she's something of a beauty. Arthur : Really? Uther : Oh, yes. Beautiful, charming, witty. Strategic. Arthur : Strategic? Uther : I have always thought so. W-we have always thought so. That is, Lord Godwyn and myself. That is, he finds you strategic, not Princess Elena. Arthur : He finds me strategic? Uther : Oh, yes. Arthur : And beautiful? [Throne Room doors open. Godwyn, Elena, and Grunhilda enter.] Arthur : Father, what are you trying to say? Uther : Lord Godwyn is a serious ally. The strength of such a match cannot be underestimated. Arthur : Please tell me you mean a jousting match. Uther : I mean a love match. Arthur : Love?! Uther : Not love. Love has nothing to do with it, but the other bit. You know, a permanent union. Arthur : Marriage?! Uther : I knew you would understand. Godwyn! [Uther and Godwyn hug.] Lord Godwyn : Oh, it's been too long. Uther : Princess Elena, you are most welcome. [Elena walks forward and falls flat on her face.] [SCENE_BREAK] [04:08, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHOENIX CORRIDOR - DAY] [Arthur and Gwen walk down the corridor, followed by Merlin with the bags.] Arthur : You put them in the best guest quarters? Gwen : Everything's arranged. Princess Elena can't fail to be impressed. Arthur : And Merlin, it would be good if the bags were to arrive before they did. [Merlin pushes past.] Gwen : What is it, Arthur? You seem troubled. Arthur : My, er, my father had some surprising news for me. He expects me to marry Princess Elena. Gwen : Marry? Arthur : Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to. Gwen : I wasn't worried. Arthur : No. No, why would you be? [SCENE_BREAK] [04:48, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT] [Arthur prepares for bed.] Arthur : It's strange, isn't it? Elena couldn't be more different to Lord Godwyn. Merlin : Yeah. Perhaps she takes after her mother. Arthur : I never met her. She died when Elena was born. Merlin : That can't've been easy. Arthur : mmh Merlin : Perhaps you've more in common than you think. Augh, bad breath for example. Arthur : Excuse me? Merlin : Appalling table manners. Arthur : Er, now, hang on a minute. Merlin : Good sense of humour. No, no, you're right, you've nothing in common. [Arthur tosses pillow at Merlin. Merlin ducks and the pillow lands at Uther's feet as he enters.] Uther : A word. Alone. [Merlin nods, picks up the pillow and leaves.] Uther : I need to talk to you about Elena. I realise that this is a delicate situation. Arthur : There's nothing delicate about her. Uther : Lord Godwyn, as you know, is not only a very good friend of mine, but a longstanding ally of Camelot. Arthur : I have nothing against Lord Godwyn. I've nothing against Elena. Except marriage. Uther : When we talk about your future, Arthur, we're not just talking about your happiness, but the safety and security of the whole of Camelot. You may one day be a husband, but more importantly, you will one day be King. Arthur : But I have no feelings for her whatsoever. Uther : Then I would encourage you find some. [SCENE_BREAK] [06:20, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - NIGHT] [Elena wails in her sleep.] Grunhilda : There, there, my sweet. Soon all this will pass. [Grunhilda pulls out pixie dust and sprinkles it on Elena's face, revealing the Sidhe within.] [SCENE_BREAK] [07:18, EXT. LAKE IN THE WOODS - NIGHT] [Grunhilda heads to forest lake and announces herself.] Grunhilda : A shruith inn Side, is Grunilda messe! [The Sidhe appear and Grunhilda takes her true form.] Sidhe Elder : I sincerely hope you bring me good news. Grunhilda : The fathers are committed to the match. Sidhe Elder :We have waited many years for this moment. Grunhilda : It's only a matter of time, your esteemed majesty. You have been most patient, your esteemed majesty. Sidhe Elder :And the girl? Grunhilda : She has no idea that a fairy lives inside her just waiting to emerge. Sidhe Elder :But that cannot happen until her marriage to Arthur is complete. Grunhilda : And it will be soon, I promise. Then you will have what you most desire, one of your own at the heart of Camelot. A Sidhe for queen. [SCENE_BREAK] [09:06, EXT. KING'S PALACE, MAIN SQUARE.] [Arthur prepares to go out riding. Elena approaches her horse.] Arthur : Here, let me assist you. Princess Elena : Oh, please, this is something I can actually do. [Elena mounts and nudges her horse into a run. Merlin and Arthur watch her take off until Arthur realises he should follow. Arthur mounts his horse and takes off after her, catching up to her in the woods.] Arthur : Slow down! Princess Elena : No chance! [Arthur smiles.] [SCENE_BREAK] [09:42, EXT. FOREST, STREAM - DAY] [Arthur dismounts where Elena has dismounted by a stream.] Arthur : That was very impressive. I'm not easily impressed. Princess Elena : Oh. Well, neither am I. And I wasn't! [Elena laughs, snorts, and punches him in the arm. Awkward silence.] Princess Elena : I've been riding since I was a child. I don't get to do it as much as I'd like, princesses don't, but apparently my mother was an excellent horsewoman. I never met her. Arthur : I never met mine either. I...often wonder if I'm like her. I hope I don't take after my father entirely. Princess Elena : Oh, you don't! I don't mean that in, in a bad way. [Arthur laughs awkwardly.] Arthur : Er...so, the real reason why you beat me here is because I stopped to smell the roses. [Arthur pulls out a large pink rose.] Princess Elena : Aww, thank you. It, it, it's beautiful. [Elena sniffs the rose and sneezes on Arthur. He smiles/grimaces awkwardly. Merlin arrives.] Merlin : Shall I set up here? Arthur : Merlin! What kept you? [undertone.] Do not leave me again. Merlin : You were riding so fast. I thought you were eager for some [whisper.] time alone. Arthur : Nobody likes a clever clogs, Merlin. Merlin : No. [SCENE_BREAK] [11:16, EXT. KING'S PALACE, MAIN SQUARE - DAY] [Arthur and Elena return to the castle and dismount.] Princess Elena : Thank you. I had a lovely time. Arthur : Me too. [Elena hugs him awkwardly.] Princess Elena : See you soon I expect. Arthur : I hope so. [Elena walks up the stairs and trips. Arthur jerks forward for a moment to help her. Elena smiles sheepishly before tromping up the steps.] Merlin : Oh dear. Arthur : For once, Merlin, I completely agree. [SCENE_BREAK] [11:57, INT. KING'S PALACE, BANQUET HALL - NIGHT] [Arthur stands behind his chair and waits for Elena to be seated before sitting down at the feast.] Lord Godwyn : It's a big occasion. The total joining of our two families. Uther : Indeed, this union would cement what has long been an unofficial alliance between our kingdoms. Lord Godwyn : It would give me great pleasure. I can assure you, my heart lies with yours. As for their hearts, who can say? Uther : No matter. The affairs of state take precedence over feelings. Arthur knows that. I'm sure Elena does too. [Grunhilda sits next to Gaius.] Grunhilda : May I? You've been avoiding my gaze. Gaius : No, no. Er...my gaze isn't as sharp as it used to be. Grunhilda : That's why I thought I'd move a bit closer. All the better to appreciate me, eh? (laughs) [Gaius laughs uncomfortably.] Gaius : Are you having a good evening? Grunhilda : I intend to. Oh, yeah. A very good evening, indeed. [Elena finds food down her dress, picks it out and eats it as Morgana, Arthur, and Gwen look on.] Princess Elena : *hic* Oh dear. I seem to have, erm...had a little too much *hic* of what is in that glass. *hic* What, erm...what is in that glass? *hic* [Gwen and Arthur share an "oh, dear" look. Gwen squeezes his shoulder as she leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [13:14, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - NIGHT] [Grunhilda brushes Elena's hair before bed.] Princess Elena : I think that went okay, don't you? Grunhilda : Oh, you'll be just fine, Petal. Princess Elena : I mean, I suppose it could've gone better. I'm not the perfect princess, am I? Grunhilda : Poppycock. And what does that mean, anyway, "Perfect princess"? Sounds perfectly boring. You've got spirit, child. If Arthur's got half a brain, he'll recognise that. And if he doesn't have a brain, well, you can always him for his brawn. (laughs) Princess Elena : I want to make this work for Father's sake. I know how important it is to him, and I respect his judgment. Don't tell him I said that. Grunhilda : I wouldn't dream of it. And you'd be best keep your doubts to yourself. These are dangerous times. Marrying a Pendragon will secure your future. Princess Elena : You're right. Grunhilda : Here. This'll cheer you up! [Grunhilda presents Elena a box with a frog inside.] Princess Elena : Our little secret! [Elena eats the live frog.] Grunhilda : You're very special. Believe me, I know. [SCENE_BREAK] [14:47, EXT. FOREST - DAY] [Merlin sees Grunhilda walking off while he's gathering herbs. He follows her and uses magic to slow time so he can see her catching flies with her frog tongue. Merlin drops the herbs and runs away.] [SCENE_BREAK] [15:40, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] Gaius : I've seen some strange tongues in my time. Maybe she was suffering from an infection. Was it discoloured? Merlin : Discoloured? Yes. Gaius : Brown? Merlin : Purple. And...long. Like... [Merlin picks up large stick from the table.] Merlin : ...this long. Gaius : That's not an infection. Merlin : No. It's magic. Some sort of magical creature has infiltrated Lord Godwyn's household. The question is: why? Gaius : I don't know. But I have a feeling we should probably find out. [SCENE_BREAK] [16:14, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - DAY] [Gaius snoops around and discovers Grunhilda's pixie dust. Grunhilda enters.] Grunhilda : Can I help you? Gaius : I, erm... Grunhilda : Something you need, perhaps? Gaius : I wanted to inquire whether Princess Elena would like a perfume concocting. Essence of lavender, perhaps? Grunhilda : That is a very bad excuse. Gaius : Really? Grunhilda : You don't fool me for one minute. You were looking for me. Gaius : I was? Grunhilda : I understand. It's alright. Gaius : I think probably I should be going. Grunhilda : Elena won't be back for ages. Why don't we make sweet perfume together? [SCENE_BREAK] [17:52, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] Merlin : Pixie dust? Gaius : There's no mistaking it. Grunhilda is a pixie. It would explain a thing or two. Pixies have one weakness, which is for...more...distinguished gentlemen. Merlin : What are you trying to say? Gaius : Grunhilda has shown a certain interest toward me. Merlin : She likes you? [Gaius nods.] Merlin : Oh, that is disgusting. Imagine...imagine if she kissed you. Ugh. Gaius : Merlin! Pixies are the servants of the Sidhe. To them Elena could be very valuable. I think Elena may be a changeling. Merlin : Changeling? Gaius : Inhabited by a fairy at birth. It would explain the clumsiness. Merlin : And Elena has no idea this thing's inside of her? [Gaius shakes his head.] Gaius : And when the time comes, it will possess her entirely. Merlin : You think that time is now. Gaius : The Sidhe live for more than a thousand years. They're a patient people. It may be that they have created this changeling knowing that Lord Godwyn and the House of Pendragon would one day seek unity through marriage. That would give the Sidhe something they want more than anything. Merlin : A Sidhe queen. [SCENE_BREAK] [19:18, INT. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM - NIGHT] [Gwen serves the Pendragons at dinner.] Arthur : Father, there is a delicate matter I wish to discuss with you. Uther : Your proposal. Excellent! We must make a fuss. Women like that kind of thing, isn't that right, Morgana? Morgana : (laughs) I have no idea. I'm delighted to hear the news, though. Uther : I couldn't be more thrilled. Morgana : She's a wonderful woman. Uther : She'll make a wonderful wife. Arthur : No, she won't. Not for me, anyway. Father, I have tried to get to know Elena, but the truth is, I have no feelings for her. I'm, I'm sure she's a wonderful person, but I cannot marry someone I don't love. Uther : You can, and you will. [Arthur looks at Gwen. Gwen looks away, upset. Morgana catches the exchange.] [SCENE_BREAK] [20:21, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - NIGHT] [Merlin spies on Princess Elena as she wails in her sleep. Grunhilda sprinkles pixie dust on her face and the Sidhe appears. Merlin knocks over the table he's standing on. Grunhilda sees Merlin as he runs off.] [SCENE_BREAK] [20:47, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT] Merlin : You were right. Poor girl, no wonder she's got a wind problem. You should see what she's got trapped inside her. We have to tell the King. Gaius : Merlin, Lord Godwyn is one of Uther's dearest friends. Accusing him of having a Sidhe for a daughter and a pixie for a nurse is not something that can be undertaken lightly. Merlin : But Uther wants Arthur to marry her. Gaius : Then we don't have much time. We have to find a spell that will force the fairy out of her. Merlin : I don't know anything about Sidhe magic. Gaius : Then it's time we learned. [Gaius hands Merlin a book.] [SCENE_BREAK] [21:25, INT. KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Morgana watches Merlin and Arthur in the Square. She smirks when Gwen come in to make the bed.] Morgana : I wouldn't like to be in Arthur's shoes. Gwen : What do you mean? Morgana : Forced to marry someone against his will. Gwen : I don't think he'll marry her if he feels that way. Morgana : I know it's hard to believe, but he may not have a choice. Even if it isn't what he wants. Even if his heart belongs to another? Even if she feels the same way. Gwen, we've known each other for too long, I can see it in your eyes. You like him, don't you? Gwen : No. Don't be silly. Morgana : And he likes you. Gwen : It can never come to anything. Morgana : I'd like to think it was possible. But Arthur can't change 200 years of history no matter how much he may want to. Gwen : I know. [Gwen leaves. Morgana smirks.] [SCENE_BREAK] [22:52, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Merlin and Gaius read through large books.] Merlin : I think my brain is going to burst, and my eyes just pop out of their sockets. Gaius : Now, don't make a mess over this one. Merlin : Why? Is it any more useful than any of the others? Gaius : It's the last one we looked at, and by the ancient law of Sod, it must provide the answer. Merlin : What? Gaius : There is this potion, created long ago by the witches of Marador, which if I am right, will force the fairy out of the girl. (sigh) I've no idea how to make it. I've no idea what a lot of these ingredients are. [Merlin sighs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [23:33, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Arthur opens his door to find Gwen standing there.] Arthur : Guinevere. Gwen : I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't just turn up like this. [Arthur walks to the window as Gwen enters.] Gwen : Everyone's talking about your marriage to Elena. I know you said that it isn't what you wanted, but I also know that you can't always have what you want. I know that very well. Arthur : Is what I want really that insane? Gwen : Yes, Arthur. From anyone's perspective, apart from yours and mine, it's completely insane. Arthur : Then I'm happy being insane. Surely it's better than being miserable. Gwen : I don't think she will make you miserable. She has a good heart. Arthur : As do you. Gwen : We both know it can't be. Arthur : But if I do it. If I marry her, what will you do? Gwen : I will watch you grow into the King that Camelot deserves. It is as it should be. [SCENE_BREAK] [24:55, INT. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM - DAY] Merlin : Please tell me you fixed the potion, I have a very bad feeling about this. Gaius : Witches of Marador are the worst recipe writers I've known. Merlin : Gaius! Gaius : I'm working on it. But we need to find the stamen of the Dropwort flower. They're rarer than a four leaf clover. [Grunhilda pushes Elena down the aisle towards the throne where Arthur is waiting.] Arthur : I am honoured to be standing before you today in the presence of our dear friend, Lord Godwyn, and his wonderful daughter, Elena. The people of this kingdom are very dear to me. This place is my life. I hope one day to continue the good work of my father, and to make Camelot a place of peace and happiness. [The court applauds.] Arthur : It is my sincerest hope that you, Princess Elena, share these dreams. With this in mind... [Arthur goes down on one knee.] Arthur : I would like to ask you to do me the honour of being my...wife. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT] [Gaius brews a potion. Merlin enters.] Merlin : I got it! [Merlin holds up a flower.] Gaius : Grown in boggy and marshy terrain? Merlin : In the middle of boggy, marshy terrain. Right in the middle. [Merlin is covered in mud.] Gaius : You did a good job. This'll sort things out. Hopefully before tomorrow's wedding. Merlin : Will it hurt her when the fairy leaves? Gaius : She'll feel like a new person. She probably doesn't realise how much trouble it's been causing her. [SCENE_BREAK] [27:02, EXT. LAKE IN THE WOODS - NIGHT] Grunhilda : Oh, master, I am sorry, but I fear we may have a problem. I may be wrong, but you know how things are. Sidhe Elder : Out with it! Grunhilda : The serving boy, Merlin, knows Elena is a changeling. Sidhe Elder : So? What can a serving boy do? Grunhilda : He is Arthur's serving boy, and you won't expect he will stay quiet for long. Sidhe Elder : Do you know how long I have waited for this moment? Grunhilda : Yes, Sire! And I have been there with you every second of the way. Sidhe Elder : You have been there because we have chosen to keep you there! If the changeling is discovered, you will not be so useful anymore. Grunhilda : No, Sire. Sidhe Elder : As to this Merlin, soon he will regret the day I ever heard his name. Let him learn who he's angered. Let him feel the power of the mighty Sidhe! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KING'S PALACE, MERLIN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT] [Sidhe Elder enters while Merlin's asleep. Merlin wakes before the Sidhe Elder attacks him. Merlin pulls out the Tír-Mòr staff and destroys the Sidhe Elder. The bottle of anti-changeling potion is broken in the process.] Merlin : Please tell me that wasn't all of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [29:28, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - DAY] [On the morning of the wedding, Elena lies in bed, belching.] Grunhilda : I don't think I've ever been so happy. I'm almost as excited as if it was my wedding day. In fact, given half a chance, I'd definitely marry him myself. Princess Elena : Maybe that's not such a bad idea. Grunhilda : What? Princess Elena : I'm serious. I don't love him. He doesn't understand me. He certainly doesn't love me either. Grunhilda : He respects you. Princess Elena : Yes, and I him. But is that enough? Grunhilda : Well, yes, definitely. I, I would say it was enough. I mean, what is love anyway? Here today and gone tomorrow. Respect, that's what lasts. Aw, it's just nerves. Understandable, but not to be listened to. Silly girl. [SCENE_BREAK] [30:20, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Gaius finishes remaking the anti-changeling potion.] Merlin : That's it? [Gaius nods.] Merlin : (sigh) Thank goodness for that. Gaius : Well, there's one more thing. How are we going to get Elena to drink this with Grunhilda around? Merlin : I think I might know a way. [SCENE_BREAK] [30:41, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - DAY] [Gaius knocks on the door.] Grunhilda : Well, hello there. Gaius : Hello, indeed. I wonder, could you spare me a moment? Grunhilda : But of course. Gaius : Er, not here. Alone. The vaults beneath Camelot. Grunhilda : The vaults? Gaius : It's a very private place. Princess Elena : I can't walk in these shoes. Grunhilda : I have a wedding to prepare. Gaius : No one will disturb us. There may not be another opportunity. Grunhilda : You surprise me, Gaius. But, oh, what a lovely surprise! I'll be right there. [SCENE_BREAK] [31:30, INT. KING'S PALACE, VAULTS - DAY] [Merlin and Gaius wait.] Merlin : You look very handsome. Perfect bait. Gaius : Merlin, if this doesn't work, if it seems she is overpowering me. Merlin : I will just watch and wait. Gaius : You will rescue me. And if it does work, let us never speak of it again. Grunhilda : Hello my lover! Oh, what a romantic place. I've been dreaming of this moment. Gaius : Me too. Grunhilda : Longing for this time. Gaius : Longing. Grunhilda : At last, we two will be as one. [Grunhilda puckers her lips. Gaius runs out and Merlin magically locks the gate.] Merlin : Ne un clyse. [Grunhilda lashes out her frog tongue and licks Gaius.] Grunhilda : You'll never know what you've missed. Gaius : I'll take your word for it. Grunhilda : Atot-oilg, a chomlae! [Grunhilda fails to magically unlock the gate.] [SCENE_BREAK] [32:52, INT. KING'S PALACE, CORRIDOR - DAY] Gaius : Never speak of it, Merlin. That's what we agreed. [SCENE_BREAK] [32:57, INT. KING'S PALACE, VAULTS - DAY] Grunhilda : Ar-focraim uait, asndot-roilce! [SCENE_BREAK] [33:07, INT. KING'S PALACE, THRONE ROOM - DAY] [Uther greets guests at the wedding.] Uther : Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's good to have you here. [SCENE_BREAK] [33:17, INT. KING'S PALACE, VAULTS - DAY] Grunhilda : Lasa n-uile fil ocum ar-focraim atot-oilg! [Grunhilda's spell blasts the gate off its hinges.] [SCENE_BREAK] [33:26, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S CORRIDOR - DAY] Gaius : You got your staff. When the Sidhe is released, it might not be very happy. Merlin : Don't worry, I'll be ready for it. Grunhilda : You better be ready for me first! [Merlin hits Grunhilda with staff energy beam, but she gets up.] Merlin : I'll see how long I can hold her off, you better be quick. [SCENE_BREAK] [33:48, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - DAY] [Gaius enters.] Princess Elena : Grunhilda? [Elena peeks around the curtain.] Gaius : It's only me. Princess Elena : Where has she gone? I'm getting married in less than an hour. [Elena hears electric popping noises and screams in the corridor.] Princess Elena : What was that? Gaius : Er...preparation for the wedding. Everybody's very excited. But you must be nervous. Princess Elena : I'm a little flustered. Gaius : Only to be expected, and just as I thought. I brought you a tonic to calm your nerves. Princess Elena : You are very kind. [Elena opens the bottle and takes a tiny sip.] Princess Elena : I cannot believe this is actually my wedding day. Gaius : Best to drink it all for the full effect. Princess Elena : Oh. [Elena takes another tiny sip.] Princess Elena : I really wish my mother was here. Gaius : Try another sip. [Gaius sits down next to her. Merlin finally kills the pixie with a huge blast of energy, and Grunhilda turns into dust. Merlin charges into Elena's room ready to fight the Sidhe. He gives Gaius a look.] Gaius : (whisper)I'm trying. Merlin : Elena, this is gonna make you feel a whole lot better! [Merlin takes the bottle, pinches Elena's nose, and pours the potion into her mouth. Elena passes out and writhes while the Sidhe is forced out. Merlin kills it with the staff energy. Elena wakes and sits up primly.] Gaius : Not to worry, my dear. I think you must've fainted. Such excitement! Princess Elena : Fainted? I feel...amazing. I haven't felt this good in years! Where is Grunhilda? Merlin and Gaius : We'll look into it. [SCENE_BREAK] [35:43, INT. KING'S PALACE, THRONE ROOM ANTECHAMBER - DAY] [Arthur stands there looking petrified.] Merlin : I brought you your ceremonial sword. Arthur : Is that for me to fall on? Merlin : Hopefully not. What's wrong? Arthur : You wouldn't understand, Merlin. You have no idea what it's like to have a destiny you can't escape. Merlin : Destinies are troublesome things. [Arthur takes the sword and sheaths it.] Merlin : You feel trapped, like your whole life is being planned out for you and you've got no control over anything, and sometimes you don't even know if what destiny decided is really the best thing at all. Arthur : How come you're so knowledgeable? Merlin : Hmm? Oh, I read a book. Arthur : What would this book tell you? Should I marry her? Merlin : That's not really my place to say so. Arthur : I'm asking you, it's your job to answer. Merlin : If you really want to know what I think... [Arthur gestures for Merlin to go on.] Merlin : I think you're mad, I think you're all mad. People should marry for love, not convenience. And if Uther thinks an unhappy king makes for a stronger kingdom, then he's wrong. 'Cause you may be destined to rule Camelot, but you have a choice...as to how you do it. [Throne Room doors open. Trumpets sound. Arthur walks to the altar.] [SCENE_BREAK] [37:35, INT. KING'S PALACE, ELENA'S GUEST CHAMBERS - DAY] [Normalised Elena turns to her father.] Princess Elena : What do you think? Lord Godwyn : Beautiful. No other word for it. Beautiful. [Elena takes her father's arm.] [SCENE_BREAK] [37:58, INT. KING'S PALACE, THRONE ROOM - DAY] [Godwyn leads Elena down the aisle. Arthur takes her hands.] Geoffrey de Monmouth : My lords, ladies, and gentlemen of Camelot, we are gathered here today to celebrate the ancient rite of hand-fasting, the union of Arthur Pendragon and Princess Elena of Gawant. Is it your wish, Arthur, to become one with this woman? Arthur : It is. Geoffrey de Monmouth : Is it your wish, Elena, to become one with this man? [Elena looks at her father and then at the floor.] Princess Elena : It is. Geoffrey de Monmouth : Do any say nay? Then as we gather here today, we are all witness to this rite... Arthur : Wait. Geoffrey de Monmouth : There's something you would like to say, Arthur? Arthur : Something I should've said a long time ago. Something from the heart I dare not speak. Elena, you are a wonderful woman, and a beautiful bride, but I cannot deny my feelings. Princess Elena : You do not love me. [Arthur shakes his head.] Arthur : And I think, if you are honest, you do not love me either. Princess Elena : No. Arthur : Then we are both here out of duty. Can you forgive me? Princess Elena : I agree with all you have said. Thank you, Arthur. [Gwen holds back tears of joy.] [SCENE_BREAK] [40:30, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Arthur takes off his crown as he enters, Uther storms in after him.] Uther : What did you think you were doing? Arthur : The right thing, Father. Uther : For who? For Camelot, or for yourself? Arthur : The two things aren't entirely separate. Uther : Until you put duty before your feelings, you are clearly not ready to be King. Arthur : When I am ready to be King, I'll be a much better king for the support and strength of a woman I love. [SCENE_BREAK] [40:52, INT. KING'S PALACE, MAIN SQUARE - DAY] [Godwyn and Uther walk down the main steps.] Lord Godwyn : Can't imagine what's happened to Grunhilda. Uther : No. I'm sure she'll turn up. Lord Godwyn : I hope so. It's most unlike her. [Arthur and Merlin watch Elena descend the steps into the Square.] Arthur : There's something different about her. Merlin : You're not changing your mind, are you? Arthur : Goodness. [Arthur shakes his head, considers Elena as she walks down the steps, and shakes his head again.] Arthur : No. Princess Elena : I wish you well, Arthur Pendragon. I hope one day we both find the love we deserve. [Elena offers Arthur her hand and he kisses it.] Princess Elena : In the meantime, if you ever want to be beaten in a horserace, you know where to find me. Lord Godwyn : He did the right thing, you know. You mustn't punish him. They were neither of them in love. Uther : That's not the point. It's not the way things are done. Lord Godwyn : Maybe it's time things changed. I think he has the makings of a great king. You should be proud of him. [Uther and Godwyn embrace.] [SCENE_BREAK] [42:01, INT. KING'S PALACE, GRIFFIN STAIRCASE - DAY] [Arthur catches sight of Gwen descending the stairs and walks up to her. Merlin takes off in another direction.] Arthur : So...I'm still a single man. Gwen : Indeed. I don't think you deserve her, actually. She's really very lovely. Arthur : Mmm. Well, I had hoped to have forsaken her for one equally as lovely. Who knows, perhaps even more so. Gwen : I do not know of such a person. Arthur : Me neither. But I guess only time will tell. [Gwen descends the rest of the stairs, Arthur skips to the top.]
Plan: A: Arthur; Q: Who decides not to marry Elena? A: Princess Elena; Q: Who does Uther have Arthur get engaged to? A: Elena; Q: Who does Arthur not love? A: Grunhilda; Q: Who is Elena's nanny? A: the Sidhe; Q: Who is Grunhilda working for? A: (pronounced "Shee; Q: What is the name of the Sidhe Elder? A: Arthur's marriage; Q: What is the Sidhe Elder trying to use to take over Camelot? A: Merlin and Gaius battle Grunhilda; Q: Who is trying to free Elena from the Sidhe Elder? Summary: Uther has Arthur get engaged to Princess Elena, who arrives in Camelot. Elena is not dainty or lady-like and Arthur does not love her. Furthermore, her nanny, Grunhilda, is working for the Sidhe (pronounced "Shee") Elder to use Arthur's marriage to take over Camelot. As Merlin and Gaius battle Grunhilda to free Elena from the Sidhe, Arthur must decide if he will go through with the wedding. He finally decides not to, as he wishes to marry for love, and Elena fully agrees with him.
[Scene: Manor. Phoebe's room. Phoebe is lying on her bed eating popcorn and watching "Kill It Before It Dies".] Sally Mae: (on TV) Oh, Billy! Please don't leave me alone! Aah! Billy: (on TV) Guess who? Sally Mae: Oh! Is it really over? Billy: Yes, Sally Mae, it is. Sally Mae: Really and truly? Billy: I'm here now, and as long as I'm with you, everything's gonna be A-OK. Sally Mae: Promise? Billy: Promise. Sally Mae: You're my hero, Billy. Billy: And I think you're swell, Sally Mae. (Billy and Sally Mae go off screen and Cole shimmers in the TV. Phoebe looks closer at the TV.) Phoebe: Cole? Cole: Phoebe, hi. Just a little trick I learned from the demon of illusion. Phoebe: But what... Cole: Am I doing here? Uh, I wasn't sure how you'd react. Thought this might be a safer way of letting you know I was back... for good. Opening Credits [Scene: P3. Prue and Justin walk outside. It's the end of their date.] Prue: So, um, I had a really good time tonight, Justin. Justin: Did you? I mean, really? The reason I ask is that you seemed kind of quiet. Prue: No, it's just that, you know, I've got a lot on my mind with Piper getting married and everything. Justin: Sure, 'course, if I was the paranoid type, I would be thinking it was because of me. Prue: Don't be ridiculous. Justin: So are we still on for lunch? Prue: Yeah, pick me up at 1:00. Justin: It's a date. Prue: Okay. (They kiss awkwardly.) Justin: Good night. Prue: Night. (Justin leaves. Prue walks back inside. A man is watching her near by.) [Cut inside. Prue walks up to Piper and Leo who are sitting at the bar.] Prue: Hey. (Piper looks at her watch.) Piper: Gee, Prue, it's only 9:00 and your date's already over? How very Disney of you. Prue: Justin has a meeting early in the morning. Piper: I see. So did you decide if you're going to invite him to the wedding? Prue: No, I'm stalling. Oh, you know, he's a nice guy, he's sweet, but he's just so predictable, you know? There's no mystery, no savoir-faire. (Prue puts on some lipstick.) You know, besides, a wedding invite definitely makes a statement. Leo: That he can tie a bow tie? Prue: No, that the relationship is serious, you know? That it's going somewhere. All that built-in romance, mingling with the family, hidden tensions. Leo: All the more reason to have a nice, simple, private wedding. Piper: Nice try, mister. Okay, the wedding planner, tomorrow at 11:00, no getting out of it, no orbing out of it, nothing. Don't even try it. (Piper goes to the bathroom. The man watching before pretends to be on the phone as Piper walks past. He shape-shifts into Piper.) [Cut back to Prue and Leo.] Leo: I don't know. I just don't want to set her up for a big disappointment. I mean, how do you have a normal wedding when a ghost'll be presiding and the groom's dead? Prue: Leo, don't even try to figure it out, alright? It's a Cinderella complex. Every girl goes through it. I've been dreaming of this day my entire life. Leo: Piper's wedding? (Prue slaps his arm lightly.) Prue: No, mine. I mean, I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to do everything first. I'm supposed to talk first and get braces and get a boyfriend and find a husband. (Shape-shifter Piper walks up to them.) Shape-shifter Piper: Hey, Prue. Can I borrow your lipstick? Prue: What? Shapeshifter Piper: Lipstick. I'm out. Do you mind? Prue: Sure, knock yourself out. (Piper takes it and walks away.) You're welcome! (The shape-shifter shape-shifts back into himself.) [Cut back to Prue and Leo.] Leo: Listen, speaking of Phoebe, don't you think it's time to let her off the hook a little? I mean, she came clean about Cole. Prue: Leo, you can't just pretend to vanquish a demon and then two months later say, gee guys, I'm sorry, I didn't. Leo: I know, but for what it's worth, I don't think she wants him back in her life anymore. Prue: Maybe not, but that doesn't mean he's not gonna try and kill us again. [Scene: At an altar. The shape-shifter (Zile) kneels down in front of the altar. A priestess, Dantalian, appears in front of him.] Zile: Dantalian. Priestess Dantalian. (He stands up.) Dantalian: Were you successful? Zile: She's as beautiful as you said she'd be. (He hands her the lipstick.) Dantalian: You're certain this has touched her lips? Zile: Absolutely. I watched her all night. Not to be ungrateful, but what do you get out of making Prue Halliwell my wife? Dantalian: I'm a humble servant of the Source, Zile. I get nothing other than the benefits we all reap whenever good is turned evil. Zile: Still, for all the unions you've consecrated, it seems you should get something, especially for this one. (Dantalian places a small scorpion in a bowl.) Dantalian: There is a spoil that intrigues me. The Halliwell Book of Shadows is said to be the most magical of all tomes. Zile: The witch's Book of Shadows? That shouldn't be too hard to get. Dantalian: This one is. Evil can't touch it, although turning Prue evil should turn her sisters and their Book evil as well. Their magic interconnected. Zile: Well, then I'll get it for you myself, as a token of my gratitude. Dantalian: First things first. Getting the witch here so I can perform the ceremony. That's what this potion is for. (She wipes some potion on Zile's lips.) Kiss her, and it paralyzes her. After I bind you in marriage, she'll fall into a deep sleep where the transformation to evil will occur. [Scene: Manor. Prue, Leo and the two wedding planners are standing in the foyer. Piper walks down the stairs.] Piper: Okay, so the more traditional the better as far as I'm concerned. The wedding march starts, and I come down the stairs. Female Planner: So, no flower girl? Piper: Uh, I don't know. Do I? Prue: Well, unless you want to ask Kate down the street. Leo: Great idea. Maybe she can bring some of her fairy friends. Or trolls, even better. Female Planner: Trolls? Piper: Uh... Prue: Right, trolls, uh, our father's side of the family is very short. Piper: Right, let's skip the flower girl. Prue: Right. Female Planner: Well, I think we should at least dress the banister with garlands. Maybe even carry the floral theme all the way to the altar. How many guests are you planning on? Piper: Uh, let me think. Fifty, sixty. Leo: Sixty? Like who? Piper: Well, there's all the people from P3, friends and Darryl and dad, mum. Prue: Uh, mum? Piper, I don't really think that you can count her. Male Planner: We'll have to if she's going to eat. Prue: Oh, trust me, she won't be eating. Female Planner: I thought your mother passed on. Prue: Mmm hmm. Piper: Right, she did. Um, I just I meant I hope she's there in spirit. Female Planner: Oh. Male Planner: You're right, that doesn't count. (He scribbles something out on his notepad.) Now, have you thought of what kind of hor d'eouvres you'd like by any chance? Piper: Um... Leo: Pigs in a blanket. (Piper laughs.) Piper: Leo, I was, I was hoping for something a little bit more elegant. (The phone rings.) Prue: I'll get that. Piper: Excuse us. (Prue answers the phone. Leo and Piper go into another room.) Female Planner: We still need to place the ice sculpture. Prue: (on phone) Hello? [Cut to Piper and Leo.] Piper: What is the matter with you? Why are you doing this? Leo: Because this is a disaster waiting to happen, that's why. Piper: Oh! Well, keep that up and it will be. Leo: Piper, I love you, and I want nothing more for you than to have your dream wedding, but you are kidding yourself with this. We don't need wedding planners. We just need us. Piper: You may not need wedding planners, but I do. I don't want to have to worry about anything. And therefore, if I have to fight a demon in the morning, I know that the flowers will still be there on time. Leo: It's not the flowers that I'm worried about. It's the guests, as in how do we explain everything to them? I mean, a Whitelighter marrying a witch is hardly traditional. Piper: Obviously. [Cut to Prue.] Prue: (on phone) Okay, Justin, I'll meet you there. Bye. (Prue hangs up. Phoebe walks past.) Prue: Hey, Phoebe. Phoebe: I'm running late for school. Prue: Okay, do you want a ride? Phoebe: Isn't Justin picking you up for lunch? Prue: Well, his car broke down, so I'm meeting him here and I thought that, uh, we could talk. You know, try and put this whole Cole situation behind us. Phoebe: I gotta go. (She leaves. Piper comes back in.) Piper: Okay, tell me the truth. Do you think I'm overdoing it with the wedding stuff? Hello? Prue: Uh, okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books? Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question? Prue: Maybe because she doesn't want both of her sisters not speaking to her. Um, okay, I have to go meet Justin. Can I have my lipstick back? Piper: What lipstick? Prue: The one that you borrowed last night at the club. Piper: Wasn't me. Prue: Right, I must've gotten you confused with another Piper. Okay, you have fun with what's going on here, 'cause it, it looks great. Okay, bye. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Cemetery. Phoebe walks in the mausoleum.] Phoebe: Cole? Cole: Phoebe? (He comes out from behind a crypt and walks over to her.) I knew you'd know where to find me. (Phoebe punches him in the face.) Phoebe: That is for ruining my favourite movie and, oh yeah, my life too. Cole: Phoebe. Phoebe: I don't want to hear it, Cole. I'm over you. I want nothing to do with you anymore. Cole: I don't believe that. Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, believe it because if I ever see you again, I'm gonna do what I should've done a long time ago, which is vanquish your sorry ass. Cole: Apparently distance hasn't exactly made the heart grow fonder. Phoebe: Huh. (She turns to leave.) Cole: Phoebe, wait. Hey! (Phoebe stops.) Look, I took a huge risk coming out in the open and contacting you. The least you can do is hear me out. (She turns back around.) I've been hiding this whole time, shimmering from realm to realm to realm to keep the Source from realizing you didn't vanquish my sorry ass. You're the only one who knows I'm alive. Phoebe: Actually that's not true. I couldn't keep lying to my sisters. I had to tell them. Cole: Okay, that's okay, I understand. As long as you didn't tell Leo. (Phoebe looks away.) Oh, for god's sake, Phoebe. Why didn't you just put an ad in the paper, tell the whole damn world! Phoebe: You know what? Maybe I should have. Cole: I've risked my life for you, Phoebe. My soul. I've put myself in more danger coming back here than you could possibly imagine because I want to try and figure out how to make this work between us. Phoebe: Good and evil can't work together. Cole: We did before. Phoebe: I learned from my mistakes. Cole: So did I. Phoebe, I can suppress my demonic half just like I suppressed my human half before we met. I can be good. You've seen that. And if you know I can, then why can't we be together? Phoebe: It's too late. (She leaves.) [Scene: Restaurant. Prue is sitting at a table. Justin walks in, tells the waiter something, and then walks over to Prue.] Justin: Hey. Prue: Hey. Justin: Sorry about my car. Prue: Oh, that's okay. (He kisses her hand.) Not a problem. Justin: What? Prue: Nothing. (Justin sits down.) Justin: You know, I really should sell that old thing but, I don't know, I kind of like having something not so predictable in this day and age. Know what I mean? Prue: Right. So, you don't think of yourself as predictable? Justin: Me? (The waiter approaches them holding a bottle of wine.) Waiter: Pardon me. Beringer, private reserve? Justin: Yes, thank you. Predictable? Hardly. Prue: Right. [Cut to the manor. Justin is outside waiting on the porch. Phoebe walks up the stairs.] Phoebe: Hey, Justin. Justin: Hey. Phoebe: What are you doing here? Justin: I'm picking up Prue for lunch. (Phoebe walks inside and Justin follows.) Phoebe: Piper! Justin: Is something wrong? Phoebe: I'm not sure. Piper: What's up? Phoebe: Where's Prue? Piper: I don't know. At the restaurant, I guess. Phoebe: Supposedly meeting Justin. Justin: No, I told her I'd pick her up here. Phoebe: Okay, so you didn't call this morning and tell her that your car broke down and you'd meet her there? Justin: No. (Piper and Phoebe exchange looks.) [Cut back to the restaurant. Justin pours some wine in Prue's glass.] Prue: Oh, no, no. I have to work this afternoon. Justin: So your photographs are a little fuzzy. Call it avant-garde. Prue: Oh. (Her phone rings. She goes to answer it but Justin stops her.) Justin: How important can it be? (She turns off her phone.) Prue: What? Justin: Can I ask you a favour? Prue: Sure. Justin: Last night when we kissed goodbye, it was, I don't know, not great. Prue: Yeah. Justin: How about we try it again, see if we can do it a little better? Come on. What's the worst that could happen? (They lean over and kiss. The surroundings change into Dantalian's altar. They end the kiss.) Prue: Where am I? I can't move. Justin: My apologies. (Justin shapeshifts into Zile.) Dantalian: It's true. Every bride is beautiful on her wedding day. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Dining room. Phoebe's at the table scrying for Prue. Piper comes in carrying the Book of Shadows.] Piper: Find her? Phoebe: Not yet. Piper: We're screwed. Phoebe: Not yet. (Leo orbs in.) Piper: Leo, what did you find out? Leo: Nothing. Phoebe: Okay, now we're screwed. Piper: Nothing on the map, nothing in the Book. Leo, somebody must know something. Leo: Well, the Elders support your shape-shifting warlock theory, but they can't get a clear read on the situation. Phoebe: Wait, so Prue's vanished from your radar and something's jamming theirs? Leo: Something like that. But she can't be dead. They'd be able to sense that no matter how evil is interfering. Phoebe: Okay, then what's going on? What are we up against? Piper: Something powerful enough to keep us from finding her. Leo: Well, you knew as your powers grew, the evils would too. Piper: Yeah, but so powerful that we can't figure out who they are, let enough how to fight them? That sucks. Leo: What we need to figure out is why a warlock wants Prue alive. Phoebe: Well, it can't just be for her powers. I mean, they wouldn't need to keep her alive to get them. Leo: Unless it's an upper-level warlock which wants... Phoebe: All of our powers. Piper: But we still have the same problem. No idea how to find her. Leo: It's too bad you vanquished that demonic bounty hunter. He could've helped. (Phoebe gets an idea.) Phoebe: Right. (Phoebe stands up.) Piper: Where are you going? Phoebe: I have a hunch. Wait for me. (Phoebe leaves the room.) [Cut to Dantalian and Zile. Prue is dressed in black, laying on the altar. Dantalian covers Prue's face with a black veil.] Dantalian: Shall we begin? Zile: I'm ready. Dantalian: I hope so. (She touches their foreheads.) In the beginning, we were damned, and through damnation, we found freedom, power, and purpose. As I unite you today, I remind you of those gifts. (Dantalian ties Zile and Prue's hands together.) And in your union, may these gifts increase your powers may grow in the service of evil. So be it. Zile: How long before her transformation is complete? Dantalian: Sundown. Can you wait that long? Zile: For the power of the Charmed Ones? I can wait a few hours. Dantalian: Let me be the first to congratulate you. (She kisses him. He is affected by the potion.) Zile: Why? Dantalian: Because I'm tired of bestowing great power on others. The Halliwell Book of Shadows is the key to unbelievable power for me. Evil will spread from this sister to the other two, from them to the Book, and once the Book is evil, it'll be mine, and I will be unstoppable. (Zile lays down beside Prue.) But know this. I will enjoy killing you all of you. [Scene: Mausoleum. Phoebe runs in.] Phoebe: Cole? Cole? Uh, please, if you can hear me, I... (Cole shimmers in.) Cole: I was beginning to think I'd never see you again. Phoebe: I'm not here because of us. I need you to help me and if you do, it doesn't change anything between us. You have to know that. Cole: Hmm. I'm listening. Phoebe: Prue was taken. By a warlock. Cole: Do you know which one? Phoebe: We think he's a shape-shifter, but the weird thing is, is nobody from our side could get a read on where he's hiding her. Cole: Well, that doesn't make sense. Warlocks don't have that kind of power. He must be working with somebody that does. Certain dignitaries have the power to shield their activities. Demonic judges, dark priests, anyone who needs privacy for rituals. Phoebe: What kind of rituals? To accomplish what? Cole: It's hard to say. Could be anything. They may want your Book. We all want your Book. Phoebe: Really. Cole: I wanted the Book at first. Phoebe: Well, how can we find out who wants it now? Cole: I could check around, but I'd risk demons finding out I was still alive. I'm sure there's still a huge bounty on my head. Phoebe: I want my sister back. Cole: No matter the cost? Phoebe: I want my sister back. (He stands closer to her.) Cole: I'm doing this for you. Know that. (Phoebe turns to leave but turns back around and kisses Cole passionately.) Now I'm really confused. Phoebe: Me too. I, uh, I-I don't, I don't know where that came from. Cole: Okay, uh, I better go. Phoebe: Yeah. Cole: Listen, if you don't hear back from me, I, um, I got caught. (Cole shimmers out.) [Cut to the manor. Piper is sitting on the couch flipping through the Book of Shadows. Leo sits down beside her.] Leo: I thought you said there was nothing in the Book. Piper: Well, now there's just a whole bunch of weirdness in it. Look. Leo: Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here. Piper: But it does have possibilities. Leo: Piper. Piper: I'm sorry. I-I don't know what I was... (Piper blinks out of the room and blinks back in the kitchen.) Leo: Piper? Piper: In here, somehow. (Leo walks in the kitchen.) Leo: I blinked. Piper: I did not. Only warlocks do that. Leo: Piper, you did it. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hey. Piper: Where have you been? Phoebe: Uh, brainstorming. How's it going here? Leo: Your sister's blinking. Phoebe: I-I'm, I'm sorry, what? Piper: Okay, I admit it, it was definitely weird, but it was kinda fun. I was, I was in there and I was thinking about the kitchen and then suddenly, boom! Here I was. Phoebe: That is so cool. Leo: Except that it's a warlocks power. Phoebe: So what? They're always trying to get ours, it's about time we got one of theirs. Piper: Try it, Pheebs. Phoebe: Okay, what do I do? Just think? Piper: And blink. (Phoebe blinks out of the kitchen and so does Piper.) [Cut to another room in the house.] Piper: Catch us if you can! (Leo walks in.) Phoebe: Have you tried it yet, Leo? It's a real head rush. Leo: Do you realise how serious this is? You're blinking, the Book is changing. Piper: Maybe we're blinking because of the Book. Leo: The Book is changing because of you. It is an extension of you. Piper: Huh. I should care about that, but I don't. (Piper and Phoebe walk out of the room and Leo follows.) Leo: This is what I was afraid of. Whoever's got Prue is somehow reaching you too. Phoebe: Okay, Leo, I could tell this really upsets you, but I gotta tell you, I really like this whole think-it-and-it-happens deal. I mean, think of the time we could save not chanting. Piper: Mmm hmm. Leo: Piper, Phoebe, you have to fight this. (The doorbell rings.) Piper: Or we could answer the door. (Piper heads towards the door.) Leo: For Prue's sake, stop. Piper: Don't tell me what to do. Leo: Phoebe, I need your help. Phoebe: I am so tired of helping people. (Piper opens the door and the planners are there.) Female Planner: So glad you're home. We have some new floral sketches we'd like you to see. Leo: Now's not really a good time. Piper: They're welcome to come in, Leo. Male Planner: I revisited the dinner menu, Piper, and you are going to be thrilled. I have some dynamic choices that I... Piper: I want pigs in blankets. (The planners laugh.) Female Planner: It's nice to see a bride who still has a sense of humour this close to the big day. Piper: No, I want pigs in blankets. (Piper turns the male planner into a pig dressed in a blanket. The female planner screams. Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: Marie seems very scared. Piper: I always had her pegged as an ice queen. Phoebe: Oh! What a great idea. (Piper covers Marie in ice.) Piper: Now there's a freezing power with kick. Leo: Have you guys lost your minds? Phoebe: Oh, Leo, get on board. Whatever it is, this is fabulous. You can't imagine the freedom, the power. Leo: Phoebe, that is evil talking. You have to fight it. Phoebe: What did you ever see in him. Piper: I don't know. He is kind of a stick in the mud, isn't he? Phoebe: Oh, another great idea. May I? Piper: Be my guest. Leo: Alright, think about the power of three. (Phoebe turns Leo into a stick in a bucket of mud.) Phoebe: Oh. Piper: Hmm. Phoebe: Look at all the fun we've been missing. Piper: And this is just the beginning. Phoebe: See ya, Leo. (They walk away.) [Cut to the altar. Dantalian uncovers Prue's face.] Dantalian: Just the beginning. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Piper and Phoebe walk into the foyer. Phoebe is holding a butcher's knife. They crouch down beside the pig.] Phoebe: Oh, you know, it's your wedding. Shouldn't the first kill be yours? Piper: This is too easy. It's boring. I want to do something bigger. (They stand up.) Phoebe: Count me in. Piper: You know, if what's happening to us is happening to Prue... Phoebe: The the power of three can be truly amazing. We have to find her. Piper: But first we need to clean house. (Piper changes the pig back into the male planner and unfreezes Marie.) Male Planner: I'm sorry, (snorts) what were you saying? Piper: You're fired! (Using telekinesis, Phoebe opens the front door and the planners get pushes outside. She closes the door. Piper and Phoebe turn around.) Phoebe: Oh, no. What are we gonna do with the stick in the mud? Piper: Wait, I think we can have some fun with it. (Piper changes the bucket back into Leo.) Leo: What happened to Craig and Marie? Piper: Oh, they flew right outta here. Scared the hell out of them. Phoebe: Leo, we need to find Prue. Leo: Good, Phoebe, focus on that. It'll help you resist the evil. Phoebe: The only thing we're resisting is the desire to rip you to pieces and have you for lunch. Piper: But if you help us find Prue, we'll leave you alone, for the moment. (The Elders call Leo.) Phoebe: Oh. Piper: Oh, Leo, ignore them. What do they know? They're backing a losing team. Leo: They're revoking my assignment. Piper: What? They can't do that. You haven't done anything wrong... yet. Leo: You did. You gave into evil. You've relinquished your right to a Whitelighter. I'm sorry. (He orbs out.) Phoebe: Well. Piper: Oh, no, he's gone. We're free. Phoebe: Yes. Piper: No more obeying the rules, considering the consequences, none of that crap. Phoebe: Time to find Prue and go for broke. (Phoebe heads upstairs.) Piper: Where are you going? Phoebe: Well, I can't wreak havoc dressed like this. Piper: Oh. (Piper looks down at what she's wearing.) [Cut to Phoebe's room. Phoebe walks in. Cole comes out from behind the door and closes it. Phoebe turns around.] Cole: Phoebe. Phoebe: Cole, you're okay. Cole: Yeah, barely. Phoebe: Any demons spot you? Cole: Just one. Phoebe: Oh no. Cole: Don't worry. See, he won't be telling anybody anything. Phoebe: The big bad Belthazor strikes again. Cole: Not anything I'm proud of. Phoebe: Why not? You should be. (Phoebe kisses him.) Cole: Phoebe, if what I found out is true, Prue's in serious trouble. She's been forced to marry a warlock. Phoebe: Figures that bitch would steal Piper's thunder. Cole: No, you don't understand. A high level priestess named Dantalian is rumoured to have married them. (Phoebe starts untying her top.) And she's got the power to turn Prue evil and turn you evil too. That's what's happening here. Phoebe: So? Isn't that the way you want me? (Phoebe kisses him passionately.) Cole: Mmm, no. That is not how I want you to be. It's not how I want us to be. Our only chance is if we're both good. Phoebe: Love is love. Cole: There's no such thing as evil love. It's just gratification, lust. Phoebe: You know what, Cole? Your human half is kind of preachy. I think I want Belthazor back. Cole: He's not coming back. Phoebe: Oh, no? (Phoebe knees him in the stomach.) I! (kicks him) want! (kicks him) Belthazor! (kicks him. Cole turns into Belthazor.) That's more like it. (Piper knocks on the door.) Piper: Phoebe? What are you doing? Belthazor: Dantalian's coming for your book. You'd better be ready. (Belthazor shimmers out. Piper walks in.) Piper: What's going on in here? Pheobe: Nothing, unfortunately. Piper: I heard voices. Phoebe: Oh, did you? Um, I had a premonition. Must have gotten pretty loud. Piper: I guess. Phoebe: We gotta go. The high priestess that has Prue, supposedly she's coming here. (Phoebe walks out of her room.) Piper: High prie-- Must have been a hell of a premonition. [Cut to the altar. Dantalian is chanting.] [Cut to the attic. The triquetra on the Book Of Shadows glows.] [Cut back to the altar.] Dantalian: It's time. [Cut back to the attic. Dantalian appears. She picks up the Book of Shadows.] Dantalian: That was easy. Piper: Too easy. (Phoebe kicks Dantalian from behind. She falls to the floor. Piper and Phoebe walk over to her. Phoebe is holding a knife.) Where's our sister? Dantalian: I can help you. I can teach you evil. You're new at it. You don't know how to realise its full potential. Piper: I don't know, I think we're getting the hang of it. Phoebe: Wanna see? (Phoebe holds the knife closer.) Piper: Where's Prue? Dantalian: Kill me and you'll never see her again. Piper: Hmm, so maybe we should just torture you instead. (Piper stands on Dantalian's arm and turns her hand into ice. Dantalian screams.) Phoebe: Why don't you just shatter her hand and see what happens. (Piper picks up a candlestick.) Piper: Last chance. Fine. (Piper smashes her hand with the candlestick. Dantalian screams in pain.) Phoebe: Now the really weird thing is, we could do that to the other hand and then go down to your feet. Piper: Actually, we could work up, piece by piece all the way to her head. Phoebe: Where is Prue? (Leo orbs in.) Leo: I just couldn't leave like that, Piper. (Phoebe and Piper turn to Leo. Dantalian grabs the Book and disappears.) What's going on? Phoebe: Well, you just helped her escape, that's what's going on. (Piper turns him into ice.) Piper: Smash him. (Phoebe hands Piper the knife. Phoebe kicks Leo and he smashes into a million little pieces.) b*st*rd. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Altar. Dantalian is frantically flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Dantalian: Death alone will not suffice, my dear bride. Not anymore, not after this. (She finds a page in the Book on a Dark Priestess.) Yes! Welcome to my hell. [Cut to the manor. Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs.] Piper: So what are we supposed to do now? Phoebe: I don't know. Kill innocents? Piper: No, I mean about Prue. How are we supposed to find her without the Book? Phoebe: Shouldn't you be mourning the loss of your beloved Leo? Piper: Oh, Phoebe, I'm serious. That was one pissed off priestess. And if she kills Prue, she takes the evil power of three along with her, and we won't stand a chance. Phoebe: Good point. We have to find Prue. Wait a minute, we're warlocks, right? We should be able to blink wherever we want. Piper: But we don't know where to blink to. Phoebe: We don't have to know where, just to who. To Prue. I mean, isn't that how Leo's orbing power worked? Piper: Yeah, but his power was jammed. He couldn't find her. Phoebe: That's because he was good, and we're evil. [Cut to the altar.] Dantalian: "Through this book, weave this spell, create the pain of heaven to hell; may she suffer..." (Piper and Phoebe blink in.) Piper: Whoa. Phoebe: Are we there yet? (They see Prue.) Prue. Dantalian: Too late. I've got the book. Phoebe: Yeah, well, you knoiw, it takes a while to learn how to use it. Trust us. Piper: How about in the meantime, I freeze your head and shatter it? (Dantalian chants.) Dantalian: I may not be powerful enough to fight you yet, but they are. (Prue and Zile awaken.) Piper: Whoa, Prue, hey, hi. You don't look so good. Phoebe: Oh, but that's a great dress. Dantalian: Zile, Prue. Eliminate them. Piper: Prue, ignore her. Come on, come with us. We're your sisters. Prue: I'm his wife, not your sister. (Prue uses her power on them.) Piper: Alright, I'll take that as a no. Phoebe: Okay, we have to figure out a way to get Prue on our side and fast. Piper: How about we get her a divorce? (Zile shape-shifts into Prue. They blink out of the scene and then reappear in different places.) Dantalian: Dont' want to shatter the wrong sister, now do you? Prue #1: I love you. Prue #2: Me too. Piper: Welcome to Planet Narcissus. Phoebe: Wait a minute. Cole said that evil can't love. Piper: Cole? Phoebe: Uh, never mind. The point is she didn't say "I love you too". (Dantalian makes a dagger appear in Prue's hand. They walk towards Piper and Phoebe. Phoebe points to a Prue.) Uh, she's the warlock. Freeze her! (Piper turns a Prue into ice.) Well, shatter her. Hurry! Dantalian: No! Zile! (Piper kicks the frozen Prue. The spell is broken.) Prue: What's going on? Phoebe: I think we're back. All of us. (Piper freezes Dantalian.) Piper: The book is back too. Prue: Let's go do something good with it. (They walk over to the Book and find a spell.) Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "Powers of light, magic of right, cast this blight into forever's night." (Dantalian screams and is vanquished.) Prue: Well, that was a wedding from hell. Although, I guess I was the first to get married after all, hmm? Piper: Oh, no. Leo. Prue: What? Phoebe: We killed him. [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe enter the attic. Piper is crying. She kneels on the floor.] Piper: Oh, Leo. (Leo orbs in. Phoebe turns Piper around. Piper gets up and hugs him.) Oh, thank god you're okay. Leo: Actually, it had more to do with what you guys did. Vanquishing Zile broke the bond and reversed all the evil you had done. Phoebe: I just hope the wedding planners don't remember what we did to them. Leo: Unfortunately, they will, but I doubt they'll believe what happened. Piper: And unfortunately you will. Phoebe: Oh, yeah, Leo, sorry we killed you. Leo: It's okay, Phoebe, it wasn't the real you. Or you, Piper. Prue: Wasn't it? I mean, on some level it was me. I felt it. They didn't just plant evil inside of me, or us, for that matter. There had to be something there for them to turn to begin with. Leo: That doesn't make you evil, Prue. You have to choose to be evil voluntarily. Phoebe: Well, I gotta admit it, it was kind of fun. Piper: Phoebe... Phoebe: Well, it was fun for a while. I mean, to be able to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted with no consequences. Piper: My fiancé being shattered into a gazillion pieces is kind of a consequence. Leo: Thank you. Piper: Mm. Prue: Still, I kinda understand what Phoebe is saying. (They all walk out of the attic and down the stairs.) Phoebe: Wait, you do? Prue: Mmm hmm. Phoebe: Ooh, am I detecting a thaw in our rift? Prue: All I'm saying is if evil weren't enticing, why would there be any? I mean, you know, to pretend that we're never attracted to it, it's like pretending that it just doesn't exist. Phoebe: Uh-oh, something tells me Cole's name is about to be brought up. Prue: Look, I definitely do not like the fact that you lied to us about vanquishing him, but I have to admit, after taking a trip down the dark side, I sort of understand it a little better. The problem now is that I realise that Justin is just so boring. Leo: Well, scratch one name off of the wedding guest list. Piper: Actually, scratch them all. I cave. Our lives are just way too bizarre to have any sort of normal wedding. I don't know what I was thinking. Phoebe, by the way, you never mentioned where you got that premonition from. Phoebe: What premonition? Piper: The one that told us about Dantalian. The one that saved our butts. Phoebe: Right. Um, you know, something tells me that you wouldn't believe me if I told you anyway. So let's just say I got in touch with my evil side. Something that I will never do again. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mausoleum. Phoebe walks in. Cole is waiting there.] Cole: How'd it go? Phoebe: Everything's back to normal again. Cole: Good. Phoebe: Yeah. Good. Cole: It's not enough, is it? What I did doesn't change your mind about us, does it? Phoebe: No. Cole: Why not? Phoebe: It's too complicated. Cole: Oh, don't give me that. If nothing else, let's at least be honest with each other. We owe that. (Phoebe sighs.) Phoebe: I love you and I will always love you. Nothing can change that. It's just the temptation, it's too much. And I can't take that risk, for me or my sisters. Cole: Phoebe, I'm telling you, I'm not evil anymore. Phoebe: Maybe not on the surface and maybe not even in your heart. But somewhere inside of you, you'll always be. And you can't ever change that. Goodbye. (Phoebe starts to leave.) Cole: I'm not giving up, Phoebe. (Phoebe leaves.) I'm not going away.
Plan: A: A demon; Q: Who tricks Prue into marrying him? A: Piper; Q: Who is the other person who is tricked into marrying the demon? A: Phoebe; Q: Who turns to Cole for help in saving Prue? A: evil magic; Q: What does the Book of Shadows flow towards? A: a recently returned Cole; Q: Who does Phoebe turn to for help in saving Prue? Summary: A demon tricks Prue into marrying him, with the hope that he'll turn her, Piper, and Phoebe evil and ultimately cause the Book of Shadows to flow towards evil magic. When Piper and Phoebe discover this, Phoebe turns to a recently returned Cole for help in saving Prue before it's too late.
THE FACE OF EVIL BY: CHRIS BOUCHER Part One Running time: 24:58 [SCENE_BREAK] CALIB: You are the leader, Andor. It is for you to decide. But there can be but one punishment for such a heresy. Banishment. ANDOR: What say you, Sole? SOLE: (old man) You know you should not ask. ANDOR: Then it is agreed. You must be sent beyond. TOMAS: No! She's young, she spoke rashly. LEELA: Don't beg, Tomas. What I said was the truth. NEEVA: What she said profaned the holy purpose of the tribe of Sevateem. LEELA: Holy purpose? To die in another useless attack? NEEVA: The great god Xoanon demands that she be cast out. He told me this. LEELA: Liar! There is no Xoanon. NEEVA: Blasphemy! ANDOR: Leela, will you take the test of the Horda? ANDOR: Will any take it for her? SOLE: I will. LEELA: No. You'll be killed too. SOLE: Be silent, daughter. You have said enough. ANDOR: Test him. LEELA: Andor, please, call them back. What I said, I was wrong. Forgive me, please. Neeva, greatest shaman, Speaker of Law, forgive me, please. ANDOR: Be silent, girl. Your father was a warrior. Do not shame him. ANDOR: Outcast of the tribe of Sevateem, be gone from us. NEEVA: Spawn of the evil one, return to your master. ANDOR: You have until sunrise. If you are still within the boundary then, you must be thrown to the Horda. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I think this is not Hyde Park. Could be a nexial discontinuity. Must remember to overhaul those tracers. Put a knot in my hanky. DOCTOR: I wonder what that was for. Little look round, Doctor? Why not. LEELA: Tomas. What are you doing here? TOMAS: I've come to take you back. LEELA: You can't. TOMAS: I saw Neeva send them. We can tell the council. LEELA: It won't make any difference. Not now. TOMAS: You can't cross the boundary. LEELA: They didn't leave me much choice. TOMAS: There are phantoms in the beyond. LEELA: Feast fire stories. TOMAS: Well, there's something there. LEELA: Then I'll face it. I can take care of myself. TOMAS: I'll go with you. LEELA: No. Go back to the tribe. I'm going now. Goodbye, Tomas. Beware of the devious Caleb. One day he'll get so cunning even he won't know what he's planned. DOCTOR: Hello. Hello, did I startle you? Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. LEELA: The Evil One. DOCTOR: Well, nobody's perfect, but that's overstating it a little. I'm the Doctor. What's your name? LEELA: Leela. DOCTOR: Leela. A nice name, Leela. I never met anyone called Leela. Would you like a jelly baby? LEELA: It's true, then. They say the Evil One eats babies. DOCTOR: You mustn't believe all they say. No, these are sweets. They're rather good. Go on, have one. DOCTOR: Go on. DOCTOR: Leela. Leela, either you've got four friends with very bad colds, or we're in danger. Which is it? LEELA: They're your creatures. DOCTOR: They are? I wonder if they know that. What are they like? LEELA: They can't be seen. DOCTOR: Ah. LEELA: They are phantoms. DOCTOR: Invisible. We've got a chance. LEELA: A magic talisman? DOCTOR: No, it's a clockwork egg timer. To our friends, whatever they are, the visible spectrum is irrelevant. They're blind. Crudely speaking, they home in on vibrations. DOCTOR: Now, Leela LEELA: They've gone. DOCTOR: Shush, shush, shush. I want you to do exactly as I say. You and I are going to walk away from here very slowly and very quietly. And no matter what happens, you mustn't cry out or make any sudden move. And above all, you mustn't run until I tell you. Is that clear? DOCTOR: Good. Now come on. Come on. DOCTOR: Freeze. LEELA: What? DOCTOR: Shush! DOCTOR: Now tread carefully. DOCTOR: Saved by the bell. Come on. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] TOMAS: Caleb! Caleb, wait. I don't know if you're interested, but Neeva sent two men in secret to try and kill Leela. CALEB: I'm interested, Tomas. TOMAS: They failed. CALEB: Neeva is making mistakes. TOMAS: You must call a council meeting and tell them. CALEB: Tell them what? TOMAS: That he broke the law. CALEB: Oh, don't be naive, Tomas. Even if the council believed it, don't you think Neeva would have an answer? He's the Speaker of Law. TOMAS: There must be something we can do? CALEB: There is. You know he's promised us victory in the raid. TOMAS: What more would you expect? CALEB: No, he's promised us! He says Xoanon has told him we will win. You see what that means? TOMAS: That he will look a fool if we don't. CALEB: More than that. He's going to look like the charlatan he is. Then we can move against him and that puppet, Andor. TOMAS: Many men are going to die, Caleb. We should stop the raid! CALEB: Leela tried. TOMAS: And she's probably dead. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Stop, we're safe now. We can rest. The creatures won't cross the boundary. DOCTOR: How can you be sure? LEELA: They never have. You should know that. DOCTOR: I keep on telling you, I'm not the Evil One. Who was it saved your life? LEELA: You did. DOCTOR: Yes, thank you. Never cross the boundary? You know something? I'm sure those creatures don't stay on their side of the boundary out of a sense of fair play. There must be a fence of some kind. LEELA: A fence? DOCTOR: Yes, a fence. [SCENE_BREAK] XOANON (OOV.): Neeva! Neeva! NEEVA: Speak, lord, for your servant hears. XOANON (OOV.): The girl Leela has returned across the boundary. You have failed. NEEVA: O great god Xoanon, I have faithfully done all that you commanded of me. XOANON (OOV.): You crawling thing, do you presume to argue? NEEVA: No, master. Forgive me. XOANON (OOV.): She and the one who is with her must be destroyed. See that it is done. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Got it. Low intensity sonic disrupter set in a hundred and eighty degree spread. Simple but effective. LEELA: Does that keep away the phantoms? DOCTOR: Yes. It gives them a nasty headache if they go too close. They're probably set at intervals along the whole boundary. DOCTOR: The technology's quite advanced, so you didn't put them there. LEELA: Xoanon! DOCTOR: Xoanon? What's those? LEELA: He's worshiped by the tribe. DOCTOR: What, he's a god? LEELA: Yes. I was cast out for speaking against him. DOCTOR: Really. LEELA: It's said he's held captive. DOCTOR: By whom? LEELA: By the Evil One and his followers, the Tesh. Maybe there is a holy purpose. I don't know what to believe anymore. DOCTOR: Well, that sounds healthy anyway, Leela. Never be certain of anything. It's a sign of weakness. Now, where's this Xoanon held? LEELA: Within the Black Wall, wherein lies Paradise. DOCTOR: Is that just religious gobbledygook, or is that an actual place? LEELA: There is a Wall. DOCTOR: Is there. Will you show me? [SCENE_BREAK] ANDOR: Why has the game disappeared from the land? Where is the love of Xoanon for his people? Where is your magic? NEEVA: Xoanon knows there are those amongst the people who do not wish to fight. ANDOR: And so he starves us? NEEVA: No, but how can he bless people who do not love him? There will be food for those who brave the Wall in his name. ANDOR: Men do not fight well on empty stomachs! NEEVA: The Wall will be at its weakest soon. Soon you can call the warriors and I will speak the litany. ANDOR: Do not delay too long. ANDOR: Well, Tomas? TOMAS: There's something I wish to say. ANDOR: Yes? TOMAS: You should know that I agreed with Leela about the attack. It's madness. Many of us will die and we shall achieve nothing. ANDOR: Nevertheless, we shall attack. [SCENE_BREAK] ANDOR (OOV.): It is the will of Xoanon. TOMAS (OOV.): We only have Neeva's word for that. [SCENE_BREAK] ANDOR: We must have faith. TOMAS: In the word of an assassin? He sent men to try and kill Leela, but perhaps you already knew that. ANDOR: Watch your tongue, boy! And don't let me hear you speak against the attack again. We shall strive to free Xoanon from the Tesh, and we will do it together, as one people. TOMAS: Yes, Andor. ANDOR: Come, Tomas [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Shush. DOCTOR: What is it? LEELA: I thought I heard something. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Into cover, quick. DOCTOR: I don't. Leela? Leela, where are you? LEELA: Over here. DOCTOR: What? This is no time to be playing games. LEELA: I don't understand. DOCTOR: You don't understand? If they're preparing for a battle, they're hardly likely to send men on patrol on the off-chance that you might come back. DOCTOR: On the other hand, I could be wrong about that. (OOV.): Stand still! DOCTOR: Oh, absolutely. (quietly) Keep down, Leela, and get moving. LEELA: (quietly) I can't leave you. They'll kill you. DOCTOR: (quietly): Go away. (loud) That was either very good shooting or very bad. Either way, I wouldn't dream of moving. WARRIOR: Who are you? DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. Who are you and why are you shooting at me? WARRIOR: Where is Leela? DOCTOR: Who? WARRIOR: Spread out. She must be here somewhere. DOCTOR: Look, would you mind if I turned round? I feel a bit silly talking to this tree. WARRIOR: The Evil One. DOCTOR: Oh dear, you too. Well then, tread softly, gentlemen, or I'll turn you into toads. DOCTOR: That gesture you did. Yes, that's the one. It's presumably to ward off evil. It's interesting because it's also the sequence for checking the seals on a Starfall Seven spacesuit. And what makes that particularly interesting is that you don't know what a Starfall Seven spacesuit is, do you. DOCTOR: Now drop your weapons, or I'll kill him with this deadly jelly baby. WARRIOR: Kill him, then. DOCTOR: What? WARRIOR: Kill him, then. DOCTOR: I don't take orders from anyone. DOCTOR: Take me to your leader. [SCENE_BREAK] ANDOR: Bring it forth. DOCTOR: Good evening. I think you're going to be very happy I came here tonight. NEEVA: Hi ya, hi ya. DOCTOR: I'd be careful of that if I were you. It's an ultrabeam accelerator. NEEVA: See how it fears the sacred relics of Xoanon. DOCTOR: If there happens to be a charge in there, you could transform this whole village into a smoky hole in the ground. NEEVA: Hear how it threatens us. DOCTOR: Yes, well, look, if you'll just untie my hands, I think I have an idea of what's going on. I may be able to help. NEEVA: Hear how it squirms for release. Hey, hi ya. Ah, it cannot deceive us. DOCTOR: Oh no, I can see you're a person of very superior intellect. (to Andor) Are you the leader of this tribe, or his he? ANDOR: Bring it closer. ANDOR: Will you release our god Xoanon? DOCTOR: Well, gladly, if I was holding him prisoner, but I'm not. ANDOR: Then you must be destroyed, that we may release him. DOCTOR: Eh? NEEVA: Wait, Andor. Call the warriors together and I will speak the litany. Then it shall be destroyed before them and they will know that victory is ours. ANDOR: Very well. NEEVA: I will prepare myself. ANDOR: Guard, give the signal. DOCTOR: Don't hurry on my account. ANDOR: I cannot believe it. DOCTOR: Andor, listen to me. ANDOR: No. No! DOCTOR: Andor, please listen to me. I am not the Evil One. I am a traveller, that's all. Your tribe has obviously been visited by travellers before. ANDOR: Before? But that is impossible. DOCTOR: They're space travellers, Andor. Men from another world. The whole place is littered with their equipment, their weapons and tools. Your legend of a captive god is obviously related to them in some way. ANDOR: Guard it well. DOCTOR: Andor, please think about what ANDOR: Its words are evil. DOCTOR: Andor. ANDOR: Do not listen to him! DOCTOR: Andor, killing me isn't going to help you. It isn't going to do me much good either, is it. [SCENE_BREAK] NEEVA: Let the tribe of the Sevateem partake of your strength, Xoanon, that they may inherit your kingdom. Hear thy servant Neeva. Hear the shaman of the Sevateem. Hear my prayer. [SCENE_BREAK] NEEVA: Lugo, when I reach the end of the litany, you know what to do. [SCENE_BREAK] NEEVA: Our fathers of the tribe of Sevateem were sent forth by God to seek Paradise. ALL: And still we seek. NEEVA: They searched and found it not. While they searched, the tribe of Tesh. ALL: Cursed be the cowards of Tesh. NEEVA: Remained at the place of land, betrayed our fathers. ALL: Death to the betrayers of Tesh. [SCENE_BREAK] ALL (OOV.): Death to the betrayers of Tesh. NEEVA (OOV.): Made a pact with the Evil One, and God turned his face from us. NEEVA (OOV.): And the Evil One raised the Tower of Immolo and the Black Wall and gave them to the tribe of Tesh. DOCTOR: How did you do that? LEELA: Janis thorn. It paralyses, then kills. There's no cure. ALL (OOV.): Cursed be the tribe of Tesh. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: It was necessary. ALL (OOV.): Cursed be the tribe of Tesh. LEELA: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] NEEVA: The tribe of Tesh stand between the sons of the tribe of Sevateem and Xoanon, god of their fathers. We must kill the servants of the Evil One. ALL: Kill the Tesh. Kill the Tesh! [SCENE_BREAK] ALL (OOV.): Kill the Tesh! DOCTOR: No, listen. Listen. LEELA: We haven't got time to listen. ALL (OOV.): Kill the Tesh! LEELA: They're coming to the bit about killing the Evil One, and that's you! Have you forgotten? NEEVA (OOV.): Now is the time when the Sevateem shall rise in their wrath. DOCTOR: Do you know this litany? LEELA: Of course. We're taught it as children. ALL (OOV.): In the name of Xoanon. DOCTOR: Good. Then let's go, and don't dawdle. [SCENE_BREAK] NEEVA: And kill their master, the Evil One! [SCENE_BREAK] ALL (OOV.): Destroy it. Destroy it! Destroy it! WARRIOR: It's escaped! The Evil One's escaped! NEEVA: Find it! Find it! Search everywhere! [SCENE_BREAK] WARRIOR 2: Here! It's here! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: That wasn't necessary. Who licensed you to slaughter people? No more Janis thorns, you understand? Ever. [SCENE_BREAK] ANDOR: He must be recaptured. It is imperative. TOMAS: Right, Andor. ANDOR: Take four men and search beyond the village. CALIB: Quickly. Quickly! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: This way. LEELA: No, this way. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: This way. [SCENE_BREAK] CALIB: Neeva! Neeva! NEEVA: Well? CALIB: It got away, with Leela's help. NEEVA: Devil-spawned witch. CALIB: They will be found. Andor's organising search parties. NEEVA: It's too late. Tell him the attack must not be delayed. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Well now, it seems I have been here before. LEELA: That's the Evil One. DOCTOR: Is it. DOCTOR: I must have made quite an impression.
Plan: A: invisible monsters; Q: What is on the planet the Doctor meets Leela? A: Leela; Q: Who is the warrior woman that the Doctor befriends? A: her tribe; Q: Where was Leela banished from? A: the Evil One; Q: What is the Doctor called by the Sevateem? A: their god Xoanon prisoner; Q: What does the Doctor hold in his possession? Summary: On a nameless planet in the far future where invisible monsters prowl, the Doctor befriends a warrior woman named Leela, recently banished from her tribe, the Sevateem. She and everyone recognize the Doctor immediately. He is the Evil One who, in their mythology, holds their god Xoanon prisoner and must be destroyed.
"The Princess and the Pear" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Body dump site - three kids dressed up in fantasy attire are walking through a tunnel) MAGE: Lo, the cave where the princess doth dwell. Let the light of Mithryleen guide our path. WARRIOR: Smells like ass in here, yo. MAGE: Yo? Who is this Yo of whom you speak? I know him not. WARRIOR: For real, Trev. Let's go back. Those other freaks are gonna beat us to the treasure, anyway. MAGE: The name's Blackthorne, and you'd do well to remember it. WARRIOR: Your name is Trevor Vertuca, and that is your mom's cell phone. Now call her to pick us up, or I will. This is getting old, right, Ezra? (Ezra screams and runs out) MAGE: A rat? Come on. WARRIOR: Wait for me! Wait for me! (He runs too) MAGE: Look, I'm sorry about this. We don't usually break character, but... I mean, you have to dock points; I understand. (He shine the cell phone light to see what is moving and sees that it's a body) What the... (He screams and runs out too) (Cut to- Booth's apartment) BRENNAN: (outside the front door) Open up! Open up! BOOTH: All right, all right, all right, I'm coming, it's... Just keep it down. BRENNAN: (Outside the front door) what's taking so long? (Booth opens the door) BOOTH: Hey! BRENNAN: What's wrong? BOOTH: Nothing; come on in. How about some coffee? Arabian Bean! BRENNAN: You hurt your back again? BOOTH: No, no...no. It's that obvious, huh? BRENNAN: Your gait suggests you re-strained your anterior longitudinal ligament. BOOTH: Yeah, well, I blame the couch, all right? I fell asleep last night watching the game. Look, I figured you fixed my back last time, really well, and I just thought that maybe you could fix it again, so use your little magic knuckles, and hit it up, and we're good to go. BRENNAN: Booth, if this has become a recurring problem, you should see a specialist. BOOTH: Right, I get it-all disclaimers apply. Here we go, hit the back-chop-chop--we got a case. BRENNAN: No! BOOTH: What do you mean *no*? Last time I had this, you were begging to help me. BRENNAN: I probably shouldn't have touched you the last time. You need a medical doctor. BOOTH: I'm not asking you to perform surgery; just do what you did last time and fix it with your magic knuckles... Look, there's no one I trust more to get my back and crack it, than *you*. BRENNAN: Wow! BOOTH: You want more? BRENNAN: No, that was effective. Turn around. Okay, ready? BOOTH: Okay. This is gonna be good. Believe me, I really am not going to forget ... (Brennan wraps her arms around booth and cracks his back) this. (Cut to- Jeffersonian lab) ANGELA: How is he? BRENNAN: Dr. Patel suspects a herniated disc in Booth's lumbar region. We'll know which vertebrae when the X-rays get here. ANGELA: So you didn't actually paralyze him? BRENNAN: No. The vicodin seems to be working. He claims it makes the furniture feel friendly. But he'll be on bed rest for the remainder of the week. CAM: Are you okay? BRENNAN: Of course. I wasn't the one who was injured. Admittedly, I shouldn't have let Booth talk me into adjusting him. (They reach the forensic platform) Agent Perotta. PEROTTA: Dr. Brennan. Nice to see you, I was honored you requested me as a substitute for Agent Booth. BRENNAN: The variables involved in breaking in a new person outweigh the benefit of possibly finding a better investigator. PEROTTA: Aw, let's not get gushy about it. CAM: Agent Perotta and I inspected the dump site, and I cleared the body to be transported back to the lab. We haven't determined identity yet. BRENNAN: Booth usually waits for me to conduct my own examination of the scene. PEROTTA: Do you want to go back there? BRENNAN: No. I'll examine the remains here, thank you. (Brennan reaches the examination tables) Mr. Fisher, welcome back. What are your preliminary findings? FISHER: Victim is female, twenty-five to twenty-nine years old. Severe damage to the skull; the mandible is almost completely severed. BRENNAN: Avulsions to the tissue at the maxillary and mandibular incisors-- that's very unusual. FISHER: It's like her face was hit by a wrecking ball. BRENNAN: This damage is going to make facial reconstruction very difficult. FISHER: Yeah. (Brennan grabs her bag and leaves) BRENNAN: Flesh is all yours, Dr. Saroyan. PEROTTA: Does that mean we're officially investigating a murder? ANGELA: She's just upset because she put Booth in the hospital. PEROTTA: Well, I understand that, but I still need someone to officially say "murder." CAM: Murder. PEROTTA: Thank you. So... what do we make of this clothing? ANGELA: Huh-- like a costume out of the Lord of the Rings, porno version. CAM: Fisher, you're into this stuff. FISHER: p0rn? CAM: Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Geek stuff. FISHER: Superficial judgment. CAM: Both feet display erythema and heavy blistering, but no calluses. My guess is, she was standing in those princess pumps for hours. The skin here, on the back of the hand, is less desiccated than the area surrounding it. Not sure what that means yet. PEROTTA: May I? (Perotta pulls out a black light and shines it on the victim's hand which makes a marking on the victim's hand visible) Hello! (Cut to - Angela's office) ANGELA: It's a spectroline UV stamp. They're designed to withstand evaporation. No match to any local bars or clubs, but I'm still searching. BRENNAN: Agent Perotta discovered this? ANGELA: Yes. You should be nicer to her. BRENNAN: Well, I like working with Booth. I'm nice to him. (Fisher walks in) FISHER: Okay, I admit it, I'm a geek. BRENNAN: You're Greek? ANGELA: No, geek, sweetie. FISHER: I love it all. Star Trek, Star Wars, Buffy, Xena, Akira. I even watch Fringe. My girlfriend Jill dumped me because of it, which is very depressing. ANGELA: Fisher, what doesn't depress you? FISHER: Answers. I know that insignia. I bet the victim was a booth babe at ImagiCon. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. FISHER: ImagiCon? It's a convention for fans of genre movies, comic books, video games, anime. ANGELA: And it's at Union Center till the end of the week. FISHER: Click on "gallery" for Booth Babe Roundup. Yeah. When Dr. Saroyan talked about the victim standing on her feet for hours, it sort of started to click for me. BRENNAN: Stop. ANGELA: That's definitely our dress. BRENNAN: And judging from her zygomatic arches and facial contours, there's a good chance that's our victim wearing it. Someone should inform Agent Perotta. ANGELA: That'd be you, sweetie. BRENNAN: Of course. I will inform Agent Perotta. (Cut to- ImagiCon) PEROTTA: These people don't look like killers. BRENNAN: I... disagree. TITLES ACT 1 BRENNAN: Fascinating, a summit between the disenfranchised and the commercial franchises. I'm at a loss for an anthropological analogue. PEROTTA: So you really did a number on Booth's lower back, huh? BRENNAN: He had a mechanical problem which didn't show up on his X-rays. My adjustment aggravated it. PEROTTA: So, it was an accident. BRENNAN: Yes. Why? Did Booth tell you something different? PEROTTA: No, no, no. In fact, "aggravated" was, um, exactly the word he used. Oh, there's the Grimoire 3. 0 booth. PEROTTA: I'm Special Agent Perotta, FBI. This is Dr. Brennan from the Jeffersonian. We need you to answer a couple of questions. (Perotta shows a picture of the victim) SHINY KOPINSKY: Yeah, that's Kendra Kim. You can call me Shiny. BRENNAN: Why? SHINY KOPINSKY: It's my name. Shiny Kopinsky. PEROTTA: Shiny, you didn't find it strange at all that Kendra didn't show up for work? SHINY KOPINSKY: I just figured the Grimoire people fired her, for her attitude. BRENNAN: What are Grimoire people? SHINY KOPINSKY: Grimoire 3. 0 is the online encyclopaedia fantastica for the mouth breather crowd. BRENNAN: Your job is to sexualize software? PEROTTA: You mentioned Kendra had an attitude. SHINY KOPINSKY: Kendra thought she was a princess. She kept bragging about the fact that this was her last trade show and she was sitting on some gold mine, and it was gonna cash in big. BRENNAN: What was the gold mine? SHINY KOPINSKY: She wouldn't say. But one day, I followed her on a lunch break. I figured I'd catch her talking to some game developer. I mean, those guys are loaded, and some of them even smell normal. But the only person I saw her talking to was some loser at the Blacksmith booth. (Brennan and Perotta walk over to the blacksmith booth) PEROTTA: Are you Kroon the Blacksmith? PETER KROON: Kroon, I am. And who be ye, fair maiden? PEROTTA: I be a special agent in search of justice and truth. PETER KROON: Yea, thou art. How can I assist thee? PEROTTA: By knocking off the medieval stuff and answering some questions. BRENNAN: That would make me feel more comfortable. PEROTTA: I assume "Kroon the Blacksmith" is not on your driver's license. PETER KROON: The name's Peter Kroon. I don't know what you've heard, but these weapons are all legal and accounted for. PEROTTA: Do you know this young woman? (Perotta shows the victim's picture) PETER KROON: I know her first name. Kimba. BRENNAN: Kendra. PETER KROON: Whatever. She's the girl with Excalibur. BRENNAN: You mean the sword from the King Arthur mythos? PETER KROON: Yes. Though in this case, it's a prop sword from the film "La Mort d'Arthur". Is she in trouble? PEROTTA: No. BRENNAN: No. She's dead. VISITOR: Do you sell nunchaku? PETER KROON: No. No. PEROTTA: Why do you ask if she's in trouble? PETER KROON: Uh, she stopped by and asked me how much I'd give her for it. Excalibur. I take a look, and go, "Whoa, that ain't no ordinary cutlery." I have to wonder if it's not, you know, stolen. BRENNAN: Did it have significant value? PETER KROON: It was worth thousands. Tens of thousands. PEROTTA: You weren't tempted to kill her, take it for yourself? PETER KROON: Look, I could've told her it was worth two hundred bucks, ripped her off, but I didn't. I sent her to Carl Derf to list it at the auction. BRENNAN: Why was this piece of cutlery worth so much? PETER KROON: It was the actual prop wielded by Guy Thivisol in the first fantasy film ever made! The Excalibur from this film is the holy grail of fantasy memorabilia. Here it is. Beautiful. PEROTTA: And you have no idea where Kendra Kim got it? PETER KROON: She said she got it from her family. PEROTTA: You don't believe her? PETER KROON: That sword hasn't been seen in 20 years. What I thought was that she got it from someone else here. BRENNAN: Stole it? PETER KROON: Stole it, maybe. The girl was hot. That goes a long way in a place like this. (Cut to - Autopsy room) FISHER: Trauma is limited to the skull. Once I clean the skeleton and get a better look at the mandibular damage, I'll know more. Or get fired for incompetence. CAM: Well, I am finished with the soft tissue, so you can remove the flesh now. HODGINS: According to our old friends Diptera and Coleoptera, I'd place actual time of death about 72 hours ago. Also, I discovered soil under her nails, along with traces of Virginia nailwort. Neither native to the dump site. (Fisher sighes) What's with the long face there, sunshine? CAM: Mr. Fisher just broke up with his girlfriend and he's feeling a little down. HODGINS: What about me? My girlfriend and I broke up and I gotta see her at work every day. CAM: Well, obviously, it hasn't blackened your soul like it has mine. HODGINS: There was some light charring. CAM: I'm dead inside. HODGINS: Okay, you win. Happy? CAM: Not that I can ever remember. (Cut to- Booth in his apartment, Brennan in her office, on the phone) BRENNAN: So, what did your doctor say? BOOTH: Something about a possible herniation occurred on my disks L-3,L-4. Nothing, you know, a little rest stretching... Hey, maybe a good massage will just kick it right out. BRENNAN: Intervertebral disk degeneration shouldn't be taken lightly. Are you wearing your lumbo-sacral support belt? BOOTH: Yeah, the girdle, you mean. Yes, it's nice and tight. Oh, hold on. (He answers the 2nd line) It's Booth. PEROTTA: Hey, it's Perotta. How you doing? Uh, you need anything? BOOTH: No. I am just dandy. PEROTTA: Well, if you do, um... Hey, we found the victim's father. BRENNAN: We did? PEROTTA: Who's that? BOOTH: It's Booth. PEROTTA: No, no, no, before it was you. BRENNAN: Booth, you pressed "conference." PEROTTA: Dr. Brennan? BOOTH: It's me Booth. BRENNAN: Booth is on painkillers. Is the victim's father coming in? BOOTH: I want to be there. BRENNAN: No, you can't. He can't PEROTTA: Why? BOOTH: Yes, I can. What are you still doing on this call? BRENNAN: No, Agent Perotta, his back is very bad. He can't be there. You can't let him in. BOOTH: Yes, I can. I am the ranking officer. BRENNAN: But you are incapacitated by painkillers. BOOTH: Bones, enough, okay? I'm not incapacapitated, whatever you said there, all right? I just... Don't listen to her, Perotta. Don't. (Cut to- FBI Meeting room - Perotta is interrogating the victim's father, Booth is via video feed on a laptop) PEROTTA: Did you daughter live at home with you, Mr. Kim? MR. KIM: No. Kendra lived in a condo in Logan Circle. BOOTH: Look, ask him when was the last time he saw his daughter. MR. KIM: What was that? PEROTTA: This is Agent, um, Booth. BOOTH: Hello? PEROTTA: He's unable to be with us in person. MR. KIM: Kendra and I didn't see each other much, despite the fact that I put a roof over her head. PEROTTA: According to the modeling agency that booked your daughter, all of her checks were sent to your address. MR. KIM: The money went to pay the mortgage on the condo, which is also in my name. BOOTH: It's kind of a weird arrangement, now isn't it? MR. KIM: So's this. BOOTH: Well, considering my situation and my back, just... continue. MR. KIM: Kendra was about as irresponsible as a person could be. I told her, after she paid her debt to me, she could spend her money how she wanted. PEROTTA: Tough love. BOOTH: Did you give her a sword? MR. KIM: A sword? BOOTH: It's a knife, but it's only huge. MR. KIM: No. BOOTH: But did you daughter mention that she might have something of value? MR. KIM: No. BOOTH: Probably because you'd take it away from her. PEROTTA: Okay, this doesn't work. BOOTH: Don't shut me off! PEROTTA: I'd like to take a look at your daughter's condo, Mr. Kim. (Cut to- Kendra's condo - Perotta and Brennan enter the condo to find that it has been trashed) BRENNAN: Looks like someone really wanted that sword. ACT 2 (Hodgins and a few FBI techs have joined Perotta and Brennan) PEROTTA: Precise slashes to the couch and removal of ventilation screens suggest purpose frustrated in the search. FBI TECH: Digital answering machine behind the bed. It's cracked. PEROTTA: See if Computer Forensics can get anything off of it. HODGINS: Found some running shoes in the closet. Soles contain insects, soil and blood. PEROTTA: You want our lab to analyze that or yours? HODGINS: Yeah, I'd like to see you try and get these away from me now. Figuratively speaking, of course. PEROTTA: Anything else, Dr. Hodgins? HODGINS: In some ways, you're just like Booth. Mean that as a compliment. PEROTTA: I don't think you do. (Cut to- Jeffersonian) FISHER: Now, check this out. Mandibular trauma downward, maxillary trauma upward, trauma to the molars extends bilaterally. BRENNAN: The force radiated symmetrically from the center of her mouth. FISHER: It's like her face exploded. BRENNAN: Certainly nothing I've seen before. Very good, Mr. Fisher. FISHER: Really? Just seems like the truth is further away than it was before and like laughing at us. BRENNAN: Process of elimination is a key step to discovering the truth. I've seen many unusual murder weapons. So the fact that I don't recognize this one, rules out all the others. FISHER: My kind of silver ling. It's depressing. (Cut to- Cam's office) HODGINS: The blood I found on the Booth babe's running shoes-- not human. I think our princess kissed a toad. Bufo Americanus. American toad. CAM: So she stepped on a frog? HODGINS: A toad. Bufo Americanus. Which amphibian is down to one local population right here near the Potomac in an area which matches the soil and the flora found beneath her fingernails. CAM: She went for a run, stepped on a frog, and buried something. HODGINS: A toad, and yeah, yeah, that's the picture forming in my mind, too. (Cut to - FBI Meeting room) PEROTTA: We pulled this message off the victim's answering machine. (Voice on a tape): I don't know who you think we're fooling, little princess, but you're playing with a woman who gets what she wants. You've got three days. I want that sword. SWEETS: You want me to do a profile from a voice on an answering machine? PEROTTA: Give it a shot. You're a smarty-pants. SWEETS: Okay, fine. "You're playing with a woman." That suggests that the caller regards the victim as a child in comparison. PEROTTA: Okay, so, so what, an old woman? SWEETS: No, no, experientially, probably in terms of sexual experience. So you're looking for someone fairly promiscuous. I think that she's already tried to take the sword from a man, and now is truly annoyed that she has to deal with a girl. PEROTTA: The auctioneer is a man, and he evaluated the sword before Kendra panicked and buried it. (Cut to - ImagiCon) DERF: I can assure you that this is a clean and fair auction. We've been running this auction for 15 years. PEROTTA: Please answer the question, Mr. Dorf. DERF: "Derf." Yes, I certified and registered the item. I even gave the consigner an option to store it in our secure room. She declined. PEROTTA: Consigner has to give you detailed contact information, right? DERF: If they want to get paid. PEROTTA: And sometimes you give that information to certain parties interested in illegal pre-bidding? DERF: What? No, no. Look, I told you before... SWEETS: Your pupils are constricted, suggesting an increase in adrenaline. DERF: What? SWEETS: And the change in voice pitch indicates increased pressure in the neck via the laryngeal prominence. DERF: What, what are you saying? SWEETS: You're lying to us. Kinesthesia is a clear indicator of dissembling, Mr. Dorf. DERF: "Derf." But look... PEROTTA: Do you recognize this voice? (Voice on the tape): I don't know who you think you're fooling, little princess, but you're playing with a woman who gets what she wants. You've got three days. I want that sword. SWEETS: Did that woman contact you about the sword? DERF: Yes, she did. Her name is Valerie Daniels. She's a medieval weapons collector. PEROTTA: And you provided her with Kendra Kim's address and phone number. DERF: Every auction does private pre-bids, and no one ever gets... PEROTTA: Hurt? DERF: What? Wait a minute. What about the Excalibur? Did you find it? Is it still going up for auction? PEROTTA: Booth is right. You're like a portable polygraph. SWEETS: He didn't mean that in a good way, though, did he? (Cut to- FBI Interrogation room) SWEETS: This is quite a collection of medieval and fantasy weapons, Miss Daniels. VALERIE DANIELS: My parents call it a waste of my trust fund, which is praise enough for me. PEROTTA: Seems like an unlikely hobby for a young woman. VALERIE DANIELS: I like sharp edges. I like sharp against soft. What do you like, Dr. Sweets? SWEETS: What? PEROTTA: Can you account for your whereabouts Wednesday night? VALERIE DANIELS: Yeah. I was somewhere not killing Kendra Kim. That's what you wanted to know, right? PEROTTA: It's not what I asked. VALERIE DANIELS: I was at the Immortal Comics after-party. You can ask Dean Noveck, the publisher. We slept together. The s*x was vanilla. At least I got an alibi out of it, right? SWEETS: You feel a need to be in control, don't you, Miss Daniels? VALERIE DANIELS: I'd like to control you if you're up for it. SWEETS: Oh, I assure you I'm not. And your attempt to regain self-esteem through sexual intimidation will not repair the dysfunctional relationship you had with your father. Abandonment, abuse, indifference. VALERIE DANIELS: You are far more ripped under those schoolboy duds than one would think, aren't you, Dr. Sweets? SWEETS: Yes, but right now, I'm more interested to hear why you trashed Kendra's condo after you didn't kill her. VALERIE DANIELS: Her condo was trashed? PEROTTA: They were looking for Excalibur. That's what you wanted, right? VALERIE DANIELS: I travel the world tracking down rare and beautiful weapons. I do research, I develop contacts, I put in serious work. Along comes this Booth babe with a famous sword thought to be lost for decades. She didn't deserve it. PEROTTA: But you deserved it. VALERIE DANIELS: I asked her where did she get it. She said somebody dressed as a black knight just gave it to her on the first day of ImagiCon. Just walked up and presented it to her as a gift. She expected me to believe that? I didn't kill the girl. I just wanted the sword. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Park) HODGINS: Thanks for coming along. ANGELA: Yeah, any chance to get some fresh air. HODGINS: Lone guy with a metal detector in the bushes-- looks kind of creepy. ANGELA: It is. And I know you. Oh, boy! Frog! HODGINS: Toad, not frog. Bufo Americanus. And Virginia nailwort. ANGELA: We're close to where she buried the sword. HODGINS: Hold on a second. I got frequency response. HODGINS: Excalibur. (He digs up the sword and holds it up in the air) I am the once-and-future king. ANGELA: Way to not be creepy. ACT 3 (Cut to - Forensic Platform) BRENNAN: That is not a toy, Dr. Hodgins. FISHER: It kind of is. It's a movie prop. HODGINS: Stainless steel blade. That was new technology for the time. Edge is dull, of course. BRENNAN: May I see? It's badly balanced. The blade is warped. PEROTTA: All of the prints on the sword belong to Kendra Kim. Could this be the murder weapon? FISHER: She wasn't stabbed or slashed. The damage to her jaw is unique. It wasn't from being struck with a sword. SWEETS: Is that the sword? Can I? An elegant weapon for a more civilized age. BRENNAN: Actually, the age in which swords were the primary infantry weapon was some of the most barbaric in history. PEROTTA: It's a line from Star Wars. SWEETS: Obi-Wan Kenobi. BRENNAN: What language is that supposed to be? HODGINS: Why is he all excited? SWEETS: Finding this sword has given us a unique advantage in this case. We now have what the killer wants the most. It only makes sense that the killer's gonna come after it again. PEROTTA: Dr. Sweets wants to lay a trap. SWEETS: You said that the auctioneer is no longer a suspect, correct? PEROTTA: So we lean on him to fake the auction? BRENNAN: We can't auction off evidence. SWEETS: I never thought of that. HODGINS: We could insert an undercover asset who outbids everyone for the item no matter how high the price goes. PEROTTA: The auction's tomorrow. I don't have time to set up that kind of operation. SWEETS: I'll do it. You and Dr. Brennan have already been seen walking around ImagiCon asking questions, right? Whereas I am an unknown quantity. An enigma. Who is this man bidding so aggressively for Excalibur? I'm confident that if our killer is there, this will provoke him to reveal himself. I play the mystery bidder, you observe the unsuspecting suspects via video feed in a separate room. PEROTTA: Who's gonna run the camera? SWEETS: We need someone who blends in. Someone who looks like they belong there. (They all look at Fisher) FISHER: I drug your ghost across the country. And we plotted out my death in every city Memories would whisper, "Here is where you rest," ah. What's wrong now? (Cut to- ImagiCom Auction room) DERF: Sold to the Rancor princess. Congratulations, ma'am. BRENNAN: Is there a special reason why you wanted me here, Agent Perotta? PEROTTA:I- I thought you wanted to be involved in the investigation. BRENNAN: Uh, um, okay. Pan around, Fisher. DERF: We have an Imperial... PEROTTA: Good. There is Peter Kroon. DERF: Bidding starts at... PEROTTA: And there is Valerie Daniels. Let's hope she doesn't recognize Sweets. BRENNAN: Oh, there's the Black Knight. Valerie Daniels said that a Black Knight gave Kendra the sword. PEROTTA: All right, stay on this one, Fisher. DERF: Okay, lot 922. We have here the Geiger counter, the actual Geiger counter used by Ron Berger in "The Day of the Atom". Who can forget that sound right before the giant cockroach attack? Click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click! Bidding starts at $10,000. Do I have ten? Ten to the Elven Warrior! 15 to the Snaarflap in the front row. Do I have 16? Sixteen? $20,000! Going once, twice. Sold to the gentleman Molnar! Uh, sorry, ma'am. Female Molnar. PEROTTA: Okay, here we go. Sword is next. Uh, Fisher, find Sweets. Sweets, you got to try to keep that giant fuzzy thing between you and Valerie Daniels, okay? SWEETS: She won't recognize me. BRENNAN: Where did he get that disguise on such short notice? PEROTTA: My guess is his closet. DERF: Our last item needs no introduction: The Excalibur sword from the film "La Mort d'Arthur". As you may have heard, the seller of this item tragically died this week. According to her family's wishes, the proceeds from this lot will go to charity. Due to the rare nature of this item, bidding will start at $50,000. This will separate the men from the boys. (Valerie Daniels raises her auction card) Or the women! $50,000 to the lady in black. Do I hear 55? Sixty? 60 to the gentleman from the future with the red lips. Do I hear 70? $70,000, yes! Do I hear 80? $80,000! Do I hear 90? We have 80 on the table. Do I hear... BADGLEY MORMONT: One hundred and fifty. PEROTTA: Fisher, let me take a look at this guy. DERF: $150,000. Going once, twice... One hundred sixty! One hundred and seventy! Two? $200,000! VALERIE DANIELS: Who is that guy? BRENNAN: Who is that guy? DERF: This was Johnny Gerard's first ever fantasy film. SWEETS: $300,000! DERF: Sir? $400,000! $400,000! BRENNAN: In 193 A.D., the Praetorian Guard took over Rome and auctioned off the entire empire to the highest bidder. I don't know why I'm nervous, but I am. PEROTTA: Sweets, it's fake money. Okay? Just do it. DERF: twice... PEROTTA: Do it! SWEETS: Five hundred! DERF: $500,000 for the Excalibur sword. A half a million dollars. Sir? Ma'am? $500,000 going once... twice...sold to the skinny gentleman dressed as a... Congratulations, sir. And thank you, everyone. Join us at the medieval weapons demonstration in the exhibit hall. FISHER: How you doing? Just making a documentary. PEROTTA: Well, I am gonna go talk to James Bond. (She approaches him) Nice suit. Got a minute? Badgley Mormont? Is that your real name? BADGLEY MORMONT: Of course it's my real name. It's a family name. Could I possibly get my passport back? PEROTTA: You in a big hurry to get somewhere? BADGLEY MORMONT: I need to make a flight, yes. PEROTTA: What's your business with the sword? BADGLEY MORMONT: I represent a group of collectors known as the Arthurian Consortium. We house the world's largest collection of materials relating to Camelot. They wanted the sword. DERF: That was actually pretty wild. But I'm pretty sure no one realized the auction was bogus. BADGLEY MORMONT: The auction was fixed? DERF: Uh oh! BADGLEY MORMONT: I'm going to sue you, and I'm going to sue you. (Cut to- Sweets' car) SWEETS: You know, intellectually, I knew the auction was fixed, but, man, my heart was pumping. BRENNAN: Well technically, your adrenal glands were secreting. SWEETS: Okay, remember last session when we talked about the correcting and how it could be read the wrong way? BRENNAN: Right. So...how did it feel when you won the sword? SWEETS: Awesome! Thank you for asking. Though I got to say, I'll be glad to be back behind my desk. I had enough excitement to last me... (A car speeds right into them, forcing them off the road. Sweets is injured. Brennan gets out of the car to confront their attacker, after he steals the sword) BRENNAN: Stop! (They have a fight, where Brennan manages to get the sword back) BRENNAN: Sweets, are you hurt? SWEETS: I- I don't know. I don't know. Mad props. BRENNAN: Thanks. You okay? ACT 4 (Cut to - Brennan in her office, Booth on the phone) BOOTH: Okay, you know what? I'm coming in. All right? You could've been killed. BRENNAN: No, you shouldn't move, Booth. With a herniated disc, the splintered cartilage can irritate the nerves and... BOOTH: I'm fine. BRENNAN: So the-the pain is gone? BOOTH: Don't feel a thing. (He tries to get up from the couch) I might not be moving as fast, but, hey, still haven't lost my edge. So why wasn't Perotta with you? BRENNAN: I was with Sweets. BOOTH: That's like being protected by a Smurf. Not the sheriff, the guy who was in charge. I don't even know his name, but he was blue, small guy... BRENNAN: Booth have you taken more Vicodin? Look, Booth, I'm fine. Sweets is fine. A little shaken up, but really, we're both fine. Please don't come in. BOOTH: If you think so. But I'm ready. BRENNAN: That's amazing in your condition. BOOTH: Well, you know me. BRENNAN: I really think you should just take your Vicodin and rest. BOOTH: All right. Okay. Let me talk to Perotta. BRENNAN: All right. (Brennan hands the phone to Perotta) BRENNAN: He wants to talk to you. PEROTTA: How are you, Agent Booth? BOOTH: The only reason that I'm not coming in right now is because Bones told me not to. But she is your responsibility. Nothing can happen to her, okay? If anything happens to her, you know, that silky black hair and... that soft skin... PEROTTA:I will not let her out of my sight. You have my word. (Booth lays down on the floor and turns on the TV to cartoons) PEROTTA: Now, uh, we should really get back to the case, Agent Booth. BOOTH: Am I stopping you? PEROTTA: All right, I'm gonna go, uh, round up as many Black Knights as I can at ImagiCon. In the meantime, please don't go out in the field without me. BRENNAN: I don't need a sitter. Booth gets needlessly protective sometimes. I have no idea why. PEROTTA: You really don't, do you? BRENNAN: No. PEROTTA: Just call me. Please. (Cut to - Hodgins' station) HODGINS: Matched paint chips that we lifted from Sweets's car. Copolymer comprised of ethylenically unsaturated monomers containg hydroxyl group and other vinyl monomers. ANGELA: You know, they could have been killed, Hodgins. Sweets is way too young for this. He still has to show his ID to drink. HODGINS: But they weren't. ANGELA: And Brennan...She shouldn't be putting herself in danger like this. HODGINS: Angela, she cares too much to keep it all in the lab, and you're never gonna change her. ANGELA: Why can't she just get her rocks off through s*x like a normal person, right? HODGINS: I agree. And in the spirit of friendship, if, you know, you ever... (His computer beeps) ANGELA: Saved by the beep, huh? HODGINS: The paint is from an early '90s Ford Explorer. Now, all Perotta has to do is find an evil Black Knight that owns one. (Cut to - Forensic Platform) CAM: There's blood on the blade, so you landed some hits on the errant Knight. He's injured. BRENNAN: Can you pull DNA? CAM: Sure, but we have nothing to compare it to. BRENNAN: There are some fresh nicks on the blade. Only metal would damage the blade like this. CAM: Was he wearing armor? BRENNAN: No. His movement wasn't constricted at all. SWEETS: He jangled. CAM: Sweets. How are you feeling? SWEETS: Appreciative of the air bag. Um, doctor says I'm fine, thanks. CAM: Jangled. SWEETS: Yeah. CAM: A lot of change in his pocket? BRENNAN: I wasn't particularly observant because during the attack, I secreted copious quantities of adrenaline. CAM: An attack is an acceptable excuse, Dr. Brennan. I'll have Hodgins examine the sword and see what he can find. BRENNAN: Okay. SWEETS: Uh, hey, I have to thank you, Dr. Brennan, for saving my life. I owe you a great deal. BRENNAN: I'm sure you would have done the same for me, Dr. Sweets, if I had been trapped in the car. SWEETS: Yeah. Though I have to say, you were quite impressive with that sword. Your move--very Xena-ish. BRENNAN: Xena-ish? SWEETS: Xena-- she's a tall warrior princess who is really...a fantasy. BRENNAN: Okay, thank you, I...think. SWEETS: Oh, uh, hey, since we shared this brush with death, Dr. Brennan, I was wondering if I could also call you "Bones" in future moments of shared camaraderie? BRENNAN: Don't call me "Bones." SWEETS: Sure about that, Bones? BRENNAN: Please, don't. (Cut to - FBI Meeting room) PEROTTA: None of them drives a Ford Explorer, and they all have alibis. Four that can be corroborated by their moms. CAM: Any way for you to get blood samples? PEROTTA: No. I mean dressing like a medieval knight isn't exactly enough to get a warrant to collect DNA. CAM: Maybe you could get the names of a few more Black Knights from these Black Knights? PEROTTA: Okay. But I gotta tell you, being addressed as Me Ladey for two hours makes one a little cranky. BLACK KNIGHTS: Me Ladey! (Cut to - Autopsy room) CAM: Mr. Fisher! FISHER: This is the murder weapon. Not the literal murder weapon-- I'm not that good-- but it certainly falls within the genre or type. CAM: What is it? FISHER: The Pear of Anguish, a medieval torture device. Valerie had it. CAM: Valerie... FISHER: Valerie Daniels. CAM: One of the suspects in the case Valerie Daniels? How did you get it? FISHER: Oh, do we really have to get into that? CAM: Now we do, yeah. FISHER: Our eyes met at the auction. We shared a bleak and profound hopelessness. CAM: You spent the night with a suspect? FISHER: Yes. Valerie enjoys quite a collection of torture devices, and other archaic implements used for pleasure rather than pain. May I? (He takes a plaster skull from one of the shelves) CAM: Sure. FISHER: This particular Pear of Anguish is to be inserted in either the v*g1n* or the anus. There are larger ones for the mouth. As it is opened, it expands the hard palate and mandible in equal proportion, which would give exactly these injuries. Crushing the maxilla and zygomatic... thrusting the bones into the brain, killing the victim. CAM: That is one horrible way to die. FISHER: I wish the depravity and cruelty of human behaviour surprised me. CAM: Does that extend to disciplinary action? 'Cause you are in big trouble, my melancholy friend. FISHER: Of course I am. Who could expect a night of love to last? (Cut to Forensic platform) HODGINS: I've done every test I can think of on this sword. FISHER: Can I say something? CAM: The only thing I'm willing to hear from you right now, Mister Firsher, is "I hereby tender my resignation." BRENNAN: Practically speaking, this sword is not worth enough to kill for. FISHER: If any thing is worth killing for, then everything is worth killing for. HODGINS: It's worth so much because it appeared in the movie. BRENNAN: That's conveyed value. Intrinsically it can't be worth more than a few hundred dollars. CAM: You mean if it really was a sword from 100 AD, you'd understand killing for it? BRENNAN: Yes, I would. I'd like very much to examine a sword like that. What about the marks on this sword? HODGINS: Metal. You struck metal. CAM: You said he was a knight. FISHER: Chain mail. I'm thinking chain mail. BRENNAN: Huh CAM: What? BRENNAN: The knight who attacked me was authentic in his moves. He used two attack manoeuvres: the serpent and the arrowhead. FISHER: Could've learned them from movies. BRENNAN: Movies never show combatants holding the sword correctly, which is one hand on the handle and the other on the blade. Our assailant's form was historically accurate. HODGINS: So, uh, you believe you were attacked by an actual Arthurian Knight? BRENNAN: No. Time travel is scientifically impossible. But I was attacked by someone well-trained in archaic martial arts, wearing chain mail. Hodgins, We're going to need to use your metal detector again. HODGINS: Sure. CAM: I think she means that you should go with her. HODGINS: Oh, yeah, right, hey, field trip. (Cut to - Off the highway) BRENNAN: What's that? HODGINS: Part of Sweets's car. Think he wants it back? BRENNAN: I'll ask him. HODGINS: So what am I looking for exactly? Maybe the Black Knight dropped his metal wallet? BRENNAN: No. Historically, that would be a leather sack held together with flax thread. It wouldn't register on your metal detector. I hit him hard. Perhaps hard enough to dislodge... (She finds something on the ground) some of his chain mail. (Cut to- Jeffersonian) HODGINS: What we're looking at is flat riveted chain mail. CAM: Is it real? HODGINS: If by "real," you mean does it come from medieval times? No, no. But it's a very, very good replica, made of wrought iron. It's alternating rows of solid rings and riveted rings. Historically accurate, but the smelting methods for the wrought iron are modern. CAM: Can you trace the manufacturer? HODGINS: I had Fisher do it. CAM: Hodgins, are you trying to help someone? Because that's not in your character. HODGINS: The way I see it, Fisher's like a deep cover agent. He infiltrated the enemy to uncover secrets. In order to do so, he had to suffer a night of passion with a beautiful but dangerous enemy. FISHER: You have no idea how dangerous. HODGINS: He's sort of my hero. CAM: All right, what have you got? FISHER: I didn't have to go far. There are only three manufacturers working at this level with these materials. Can I please keep my job if I promise never ever to have s*x again with anyone, which, by the way, suits me temperamentally? I happen to be very self-sufficient. CAM: I won't require that, Mr. Fisher, but I do require discretion. FISHER: Nothing will pass these lips again, Dr. Saroyan. Even if a scary, hot woman in black leather uses the Pear of Anguish on me. Which I'm actually afraid she will. CAM: (Cam opens the file that Fisher just handed to her) Kroon the Blacksmith. (Cut to - FBI Interrogation room) BRENNAN: You started out as a serious historian at Yale. You studied medieval warfare and Chaucerian literature at Oxford. You're a published poet. PETER KROON: You're wondering how a man with all my potential ended up selling artefacts to fantasy geeks? BRENNAN: No, I don't care. PEROTTA: Your car shows you are the person who drove Dr. Brennan and Dr. Sweets off the road. Your wound matches the one Dr. Brennan delivered to her assailant. It was your blood on the sword, and we found fragments of your chain mail. BRENNAN: We know you did it. PEROTTA: We just don't know why. BRENNAN: But we really don't care why. PEROTTA: Well, I kind of do. The motive thing, it's pretty central to a conviction. SWEETS: I know why he did it. Read this to him. "What is a man without his love? BRENNAN: "What is a man without his love? If Love turn its back on thee, it is as a hearth with no fire, 'Tis best to slay the false heart, to waken from the dream that is life than live dark hearted in a dark world." PEROTTA: What's that? PETER KROON: It's mine. I wrote that. SWEETS: It's a confession. BRENNAN: It's a confession. I loved her. Stupid, but... love is stupid, you know. PEROTTA: You gave her the sword, your most valuable possession. And she tried to sell it for rent. BRENNAN: You killed her because she wanted to sell a movie prop? PETER KROON: You don't understand. No one understands true love anymore. (Cut to - Booth's apartment) BOOTH: So he killed her because he loved her so much? BRENNAN: The whole Age of Chivalry was irrational. Knights, maidens, and thank goodness we've moved through the Reformation and the enlightenment and into the age of reason. (She points to Booth's X-rays) Do you see what I mean? BOOTH: Not at all. I gotta tell you, I think they had it pretty good idea with the whole chivalry thing, you know, open cart doors, kill dragons, small hearts... BRENNAN: You still on vicodin? BOOTH: Yeah, a little BRENNAN: Okay, what I'm trying to show you is that your doctor's wrong. You've been mis-diagnosed. BOOTH: What? Give me that! BRENNAN: Just a small misalignment. I'd be happy to fix it for you. BOOTH: No, no, no. Last time you did that, I almost ended up in a wheel chair. BRENNAN: Don't you trust me? BOOTH: You know what? Let's not make it about trust! BRENNAN: Well, It's a fact, it's not what I make of it. You ready? BOOTH: Oh, definitely not ready! (He gets up from the couch, while Brennan wraps her arms around his neck again. A knock on the door is heard) It's open! (Brennan cracks Booth's back) Wow! PEROTTA: Oh! I didn't...I thought you said the door was open. BRENNAN: It is open. I'm done. I'm just leaving. PEROTTA: Oh! No, no, no. I just, um, brought some chilli I made, but, um, I'll just leave that there, and you can, um...are you all right? BRENNAN: Yeah, he's fine now! BOOTH: I gotta tell you, I'm a little afraid to move. BRENNAN: He's fine. Please, you stay. PEROTTA: Oh. I can't. You stay. BRENNAN: I gotta go. I can't stay. BOOTH: Wait, now nobody's staying? Hello?
Plan: A: a bad back; Q: What is Booth in the hospital with? A: Brennan; Q: Who must work with Agent Payton Perrota to investigate the murder of a promotional model for ImagiCon? A: the comic book convention Comic-Con; Q: What is ImagiCon a parody of? A: Their investigation; Q: What leads them to discover that the murder of the woman might be linked to the possession of an age-old prop of Excalibur? A: French; Q: What language is La Mort d'Arthur? A: La Mort d'Arthur; Q: What movie is the prop of Excalibur from? Summary: With Booth in the hospital with a bad back , Brennan must work with Agent Payton Perrota to investigate the murder of a promotional model for ImagiCon (a parody of the comic book convention Comic-Con ). Their investigation leads them to discover that the murder of the woman might be linked to the possession of an age-old prop of Excalibur from a famous French movie, La Mort d'Arthur.