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learn3r
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summ_screen_fd_bp

Dataset card Data Studio Files Files and versions Community

Split (3)

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mags: It was already in the glass, not in the jar. Walt: Gaahh! [ Wheezes ] Mags: I bet you're wondering why you had to stay at Doyle's last night and where your daddy is. I decided to send him down south for a few weeks, handle some business for us. Doyle: I just find out you two are responsible for hijacking a shipment of oxy, I got to kill two morons to keep your asses out of jail. Cutter and Elrod told me it was you right before I killed them. Do you know who that bus belonged to? Dickie: The boys up in Frankfort. Doyle: That's right. Now, you really want to stir up that hornet's nest? Dickie: I ain't afraid of Frankfort. Doyle: Well, what about if mama found out? You afraid of mama? Raylan: I also got call from Dewey Crowe's lawyer, says Dewey knows about some sh1t going down in Harlan that might be worth our while. Kyle: What would you say if someone had a friend who worked for the armored-car company who could provide engine trouble four days running, stalling deliveries so there would be $80,000 cash at one time? Boyd: Well, I'd say there's still no way to get down off this mountain without getting caught. Kyle: What if there's a way not only you not get caught but get treated like a hero? All right, rise and shine! Let's go, sh1t wit! Dewey: Help! What's going on? Blood test come back positive for TB. Dewey: T... How in the hell did I get TB? Do I look like a doctor? You got to go to the infirmary for quarantine till tests come back clear. Let's go! Dewey: Well, check my forehead. That feel hot to you? Open it up! Dewey: God damn it, Raylan! I thought I was really sick. Raylan: Do you even know what TB is? Dewey: Well, all the masks and sh1t, I thought it was some kind of monkey virus, like in that movie. Raylan: We pulled you out for quarantine so we can talk without you taking a shiv for it. But if you'd prefer to talk amongst your friends, we could... Dewey: No, no, no, no. No, I'm good. I'm good. Raylan: Then what's this about? Dewey: You got to get me out of here, marshal. I can't deal with this kind of action. Raylan: Do you know what that is? That's the world's smallest man playing "my heart bleeds for you" on a tiny violin. Now, why don't you tell me why you dragged me down here? Dewey: I'll give you something good, you think I can get early release? Raylan: Well, that depends. [ Sighs ] If you're not full of sh1t... Dewey: Hand to God, marshal. Raylan: ...And if what you have to give me is in any way useful. Dewey: Well, for one thing, that town law fella you had bring me in? Raylan: Doyle Bennett? Dewey: He's a dirty cop, Raylan. Raylan: No! Dewey: Straight up. Raylan: Dewey, the way this works is, you have to tell me something I don't know. And then we talk about you getting into a halfway house. Dewey: Okay, fine. That... that... that pretty boy molester that you all are putting the federal boot heel to? Raylan: Jimmy Earl Dean. Dewey: Hates you like poison. So when he found out what I did... you know, dressing up with the hat and all... well, we kind of formed a bond over it. What fruit did this touching new relationship bear? Dewey: Well, he says you don't know half of what's going on down in Bennett. He says if you did, you'd eat that hat, and he'd be the one to feed it to you. Raylan: Dean was the muscle for the Bennett weed trade? Dewey: He says no, that ain't all he was doing down there. He says that the Bennetts are up to something big. Raylan: Did he happen to mention what that might be? Dewey: Well, not as such, but he... he did let on it might have something to do with the daddy of that girl he was sweet on. Raylan: "Sweet on"? Is that why he tied up the 14-year-old girl and tossed her into the trunk of his car? Dewey: Told me she could pass as 16, easy. Raylan: Dewey. Dewey: What? Raylan: The girl's daddy... What does it have to do with him? Dewey: When he first came by their house, he told 'em he was with the bank. Raylan: Bank? Did he elaborate? Dewey: Yeah, he did. H-he said, uh...Uh, now, what'd he say? He said he was with the bank. And then he said...It's kind of complicated. He's with the bank. Raylan: Did you got confused? Dewey: Do you understand mortgages and sh1t? I don't. Raylan: Well, seems you're not alone there. Dewey: Well, so, come on! What do I get? That's got to be worth something. If you want to get into a halfway house, you got to give me more than that, Dewey. Raylan: Oh, come on, now. Turn that frown around. Hell, you give yourself a shave, I'll bet you could pass for 16. ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Coover: Hey, mama. Loretta: She ain't here. Coover: What do you mean, she ain't here? Loretta: I mean she ain't here. Coover: [ Chuckling ] Well, who's minding the store, then? What, you? [ Snorts ] Loretta: She said she had affairs to attend to, be back after 4:00. Coover: Mm-hmm. And I guess she just up and left you in charge. I find that... Very hard to believe. Loretta: Well, you're welcome to look around for her if it'll set your mind at ease. Coover: You ain't got to get mouthy with me, girl. Mama ain't never left me in charge. Dickie neither. And here you sit? Loretta: Well, it ain't as glamorous as it looks. Coover: Mm-hmm. Goodbye. Loretta: You're supposed to leave money for stuff you take. She told me to tell you that. Coover: Well, you know what? Now you can tell her that you told me, can't you? [ Door opens ] [ Door closes ] Art: I appreciate the courtesy. Bye. Raylan! I just got a call that your daddy violated his tether again. Raylan: Well, if they find him, they can do with him as they see fit. Art: Hey, look what the cat dragged in. Raylan: Hey. Who let you out of Harlan? Tom: Well, they told me to drop on by, see how you big-time federal police get it done. Art: Well, watch and learn, son. Tom: Yeah. Listen, I got a question. Art: Shoot. Tom: What would it take for you to let me have marshal Givens back down to Harlan, do some more of that task-force stuff we've been running? Art: Ordinarily, I would say, "only if you promise to keep him." But considering the epic backlog of work that he has, I got to ask, what for? Tom: Well, because it seems like that oxy bust is just sort of the tip of the iceberg as far as people trying to fill the Crowders' shoes down there. Art: And how exactly do you think Raylan here would be useful to you? Tom: Well, Art, I've been in Harlan 18 years. People still look at me like I'm some kind of Yankee come down there to burn their crops. But this guy... Raylan: I know my people. Art: You're like the hillbilly whisperer. Put you on "Oprah." Raylan: I'll get my coat. You can catch me up on the way down. Art: Just hold on, Cochise. Now, Tom, I hear you. And I know that Raylan here would probably prefer being down there running down this grudge, but I actually kind of need him here to do some marshal sh1t. Raylan: What are you talking about? Art: I'm talking about whatever this business is with the Bennetts. It is beyond the purview of what I like to call your job. Raylan: Speaking of which, I stopped by up at their place the other day. Art: Yeah. You stopped by to do some dynamite fishing and see what you could get to bob up to the surface. Raylan: On my own time. Art: Wearing your badge. Raylan: Anyway, I saw Loretta McCready. Any sign of her daddy since we checked on him? Tom: You know, it's funny you should mention McCready, 'cause I thought he'd popped back up in town last week or so. Somebody's been cashing his state-benefit checks. But if you have a nice, close look at these signatures, they're a little, uh, inconsistent. Raylan: Are you thinking a forgery? Tom: Kind of a shaky hand, wouldn't you say? Raylan: Standards appear to be slipping. Art: Gentlemen, this is really fascinating and strangely heartbreaking, but I just don't see what I get out of all this. Mullen. [ Clears throat ] No sh1t. [ Chuckles ] Hold on a minute. Well, they found your daddy. Raylan: Where? Art: Somewhere between the third and the fourth floor. Raylan: H-here? Arlo: There. You happy now? Raylan: I don't know. Should I be? Arlo: Well, you won, didn't you? Beat an old man down, got your way. Helen: He's been at the wild turkey on the way up, so he's in a sulk. Raylan: Well, you violated your tether range coming up here, Arlo. Arlo: Brought you your damn money, so you can just cut this thing off my leg. Raylan: Well, math was never my prime subject, but this feels quite a bit south of $20,000. Arlo: $6,000, thereabouts. All I got left. Take it or leave it. Raylan: Oh, I'll take it. And you can take him to the cell. Arlo: What the hell? It's something, ain't it? Helen: He hasn't got any more, Raylan. That's it. Raylan: I'm not running a yard sale, Helen. Arlo, you owe what you owe. Arlo: So, what? I wasted my time, then? Give me that money back. Raylan: You want to get out of your obligation, you give us the rest. Or... maybe you got $14,000 in information, huh? What we paid for in the first place. Arlo: Well, what you looking for? Raylan: Looking for who might trade in illegal papers... stolen government draw checks and such... in Harlan. Arlo: Now, why would I know anything about that? Raylan: Oh, I don't know. Harlan county, petty bullshit crime, you? Call it a hunch. Helen: What's the play look like? Raylan: Someone's been cashing a man's checks, and we don't think it's him. Helen: Raylan, this got anything to do with Mags Bennett? Raylan: [ Clicks tongue ] I don't think so. Arlo: Can't help you. Raylan: Oh, why doesn't that surprise me? Arlo: Ask me something else. Raylan: I don't give a sh1t about "something else." Helen: Oh, for God's sake! Arlo: Helen, you shut your mouth. Helen: The hell I will. I want you gone, and if this helps, good. Raylan, there's only one man in three counties that'll give you anything like a fair deal on draw checks. Raylan: And that man would be? Arlo: Boning you in the ass. Go ahead, woman. You already yakked up this much. Lay it on him. Raylan: Helen? Helen: Bowman Crowder. Art: Damn shame, man you want being dead in a box at the hands of your old girlfriend, wasn't it? [ Chuckles ] You let me know if you get him talking. Be mighty interested to hear anything he's got to say. Kyle: All right, Boyd, one more time. While you're taking the packets down to the splinter shaft, we're gonna transfer the cash to the truck. Boyd: Pruitt's gonna drive it down the mountain. Kyle: That's right. And Marcus and I join you in the hole. And then... Marcus: Boom. Kyle: Drop the ceiling between us and the surface. Boyd: Now, the man guarding his take... Now, I've known this man for quite some time. He will not easily part with company money. Kyle: Who, Shelby? sh1t, Boyd. Dude's older than sh1t. Boyd: Yet again, he's a steady hand on that .44 he keeps right underneath his desk. Kyle: [ Laughs ] You ain't gonna have to worry about Shelby. Boyd: Yeah? Why is that? Marcus: 'Cause you're gonna kill him. Boyd: Well, now, you... Never mentioned bloodshed. Now, if you had brought this up earlier, I don't know if this conversation would be going on this long. Kyle: You've killed men for far less, Boyd. Let's keep our eye on the prize. Marcus: Take Shelby down in the shaft until you set up the det. Once it's wired, you lay a shovel upside his head real hard. Cave-in will take care of the rest. Kyle: See? That's the genius of the whole thing. Everybody will think that he stole the money, tried to blow up the shaft behind him, but instead, premature detonation. We was just the poor miners who got caught up in all of it. Boyd: Well, if this is gonna go down today, the devil lies in the details. Kyle: Stop worrying about the details. Let me worry about the details, all right? We're counting on you for one thing and one thing alone. Boyd: What's that? Kyle: You're the powderman, Boyd. We need you to make sure this mountain don't come down on us and kill us. Now, once you set it, we're gonna detonate remotely. All right? ATF will be all over this thing. We don't need any extra det wire tipping 'em o... [ Telephone ringing ] Off. Boyd: Well, I should probably get that. Boyd: Hello. Why, hello, Ava. Marcus: Ain't that his girlfriend? Kyle: He should be so lucky. Marcus: We should all be so lucky. Boyd: Oh, I'm listening. I hear that. Kyle: Come on. All we got to do is charge this thing up. We're ready to rock. Let's go. Pruitt: Let's wrap it up, Boyd. Boyd: No. That's just the TV. I'm here all by myself. Marcus: You think he knows? Kyle: [ Laughs ] Don't worry about Boyd. Marcus: Kyle, what if he bails on us? Kyle: Then we do him now instead of later. Marcus: [ Chuckles ] Kyle: When he goes down in the mine, we'll just blow him up. Pruitt! Boyd: I got to go now, Ava. Marcus: Got you on a tight leash, huh? Boyd: Well, I wouldn't say that. Kyle: What's it gonna be, Boyd? We're running out of time. Boyd: Well, what it is that you're asking of me to do, I can do. But radio det adds a whole new host of complexities. There's only one way this is gonna work. Kyle: How's that? Boyd: You and your boys, you do exactly what I say, when I say it. That's the only way I can keep us all alive. Kyle: Well, hell, Boyd. As many people as you robbed... I wouldn't have it any other way. Kyle: What are you doing? Boyd: Dishes. Kyle: Is it charged? Boyd: No, Kyle, for the fifth time, it is not. Kyle: Who the hell is that? Boyd: That's the United States federal marshal. Kyle: Well, what's he doing re, Boyd?! Boyd: I couldn't say. Kyle: Hey, Pruitt, what the hell is this? Pruitt: Kyle, get out here. Raylan: Hello, fellas. Don't believe I've had the pleasure. You don't need to know us. We mind our own business. Suppose it'd be best you do the same. Raylan: Well, that wouldn't be like me. Kyle: What do we do? Boyd: My play's always to stop him before he gets on the front porch. Kyle: sh1t, Boyd. Raylan: Deputy U.S. marshal Raylan Givens. Kyle: Pleased to meet you, marshal. We're Boyd's friends from the mine. We just come to pick him up for work. That's all. Raylan: Oh. Nice to see Boyd's making acquaintances. [ Beeping ] Raylan: I'm gonna step up to the door now, Kyle. Do you see that as being a problem? Boyd: Step inside to do the dishes for two minutes... Look who comes by to visit. Raylan: Boyd. Your friends and I were just getting acquainted. Boyd: I can see that. What brings you up to the holler, Raylan? Raylan: Just need a word. Boyd: Why don't you go make yourself at home on the porch? Now, Boyd. I've been doing this long enough. I can spot outlaws at a thousand paces. Your friends? They're packing, one and all. Boyd: Well, I wouldn't know. But I'm sure none of them is carrying with ill intent. Raylan: Well, that's good. Boyd: What are you after, Raylan? Raylan: [ Clicks tongue ] Oh, your brother, bowman. You know anything about him trading in stolen papers back when? Draw checks and such? Boyd: Well, there's little by way of illicit activity in this county that my brother did not have his hands on in one way or another. Raylan: Which is why I'm here. Boyd: You never really knew my brother, bowman, did you, Raylan? Raylan: I saw him play football. Boyd: Gunned down in his prime by the very hand of the woman I now share his roof with. Raylan: Mm-hmm. Boyd: Not hard to fathom his end, given the life that he led. My brother, Bowman, did not deal directly in paper, Raylan. He handed it off to this Jesus freak. Runs that Christian ATV place up in Grant's Holler. Raylan: You mean old Winston Baines? Take an ATV tour and get, like, a sermon on the mount? Boyd: Steward of the earth, just like in Genesis. Little twitchy. I don't even know if he's still in the game or not. Kyle: Come on, Boyd! Boyd: Well, I guess me and these boys, we need to get on to work. Anything else you need? Raylan: Not right now. Boyd: Well, you take care of yourself, Raylan. Raylan: You too, Boyd. Kyle: Well, what the hell was that about? Boyd: Just some questions about my dead brother, Bowman. Kyle: Is that right? What kind of questions? Boyd: Well, it's personal. Besides, we got more pressing issues to attend to. Kyle: Is that right? Boyd: The battery... It's not taking a charge. Don't know who you bought this thing from, but they must have seen you coming. Kyle: sh1t. Are you kidding me? Marcus: We got to pick up another one! Kyle: Hell no. It's 90 minutes there and back. We'll miss the shift. Boyd: Well, then we do it again next time. Marcus: There ain't gonna be no next time, Boyd! This is the only chance we got! Boyd: The most important thing to know in this business is when to walk away. Kyle: We're not walking away. We'll hit up the radio shack on the way there, try to rig something up. All right? Let's go. Come on. Come on. What are you doing now? Boyd: Writing a note to Ava and letting her know I'm gonna be late. Kyle: [ Sighs ] Damn, Boyd. Boyd: Done. That didn't take long, did it? If you want to make a living in this business, you got to know your ABC's. "Always be cool." [ Alarm buzzing ] You sure your radio shack work-around's gonna do the trick? I'd hate to drive all this way for nothing. Kyle: Don't worry about it. Just focus on setting them charges right. I don't want to suffocate down there. Boyd: You will not die down in that hole, Kyle. You have my word on that. Kyle: And you have my word these batteries are gonna do their job. God damn, Boyd. We're about to be rich. How you like that? [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: "The church of the two-stroke Jesus." That's good. It's a good angle with the tourists that come to see the Bible belt in action. Honest-to-God church, sanctioned by the state. Raylan: Oh. Two things important in life... "Praise God and ride hard." Raylan: Amen. I try to give each its due. Raylan: Was asking about checks from the state draw, turned up cashed. Folks say you might be a person to talk to about such matters. Well, there was a time that I might have helped out my fellow downtrodden Kentuckians lay hands on their money. Raylan: You saying that time has passed? The lord has seen fit to bless my little off-road business in recent years. Folks tour mountaintop removal sites, and bears have started to come back. Raylan: So you wouldn't know anything about your signature matching up with the one of a Walt McCready, then... signed last week. Say again? "McCready"? Raylan: Yeah, no, I got the checks here, with the, uh, samples of your first tour up at Big Sandy. You want to take a look, maybe refresh your memory? I need my glasses. Raylan: Oh. Well. Let's see. [ Electricity crackles ] Raylan: [ Grunting ] [ Grunting ] [ Taser charging ] Raylan: Sounds like it's back up to about 50%. It takes a while after that wallop. [ Straining ] Tased me in the nuts, you son of a bitch. Raylan: Oh, well, I tried to shoot you first. I get up from here, I'm gonna grab that thing and cram it right up your... [ electricity crackles ] [ Grunts ] Raylan: Now it's back down to 30%. [ Grunting ] Raylan: McCready. Don't know no McCready. Raylan: You ever been tased in the mouth, Baines? I'm just thinking that probably hurts worse than a jolt to the pecker. Go ahead, then. Do your worst. I ain't telling you sh1t, or anybody else. Marcus: Man down! Man down! Boyd: Shut her down! Marcus: We've got a man down. Boyd: Shut her down! Marcus: Come on. We got it. We got it. He's got the angina. He's got the angina. He just needs some fresh air. He'll be all right. All right. Watch out. Marcus: All right. Watch out. This way. Marcus: What are we waiting for, bitches? Let's do this! Boyd: Hey, hey! Cellphones. Hand them over. Marcus: What the hell for, man?! Boyd: Because, Marcus, we're about to set off a remote detonation. That's 20 pounds of emulex triggered by a radio signal. Wrong signal on our frequency, we're all shaking hands with Jesus. So I'm just being overly cautious. Look, you'll get them back. I just want to make sure that they're off, for myself. Let's go. Hand them over. Kyle: Damn, Boyd. Ava: Damn it, Boyd. "Call this number at exactly 6:05 PM. Don't tell anyone. Boyd." What the hell? Boyd: Got it. Kyle: All right? Let's go. Marcus: Hands up, fool! This is a robbery! Well, sh1t, son. I can see that. Kyle: Don't get smart, Shelby. Put your damn hands up. Pruitt: Whoo, doggy! How you like that, you old fruit bat? No call to be disrespectful. Kyle: Shut up, both of you. Boyd. Put those explosives in the brown bag. Get down. Open it. You got the det. Why don't you just blow it? Kyle: I'd just as soon decorate it with your face! You got the combination. Now open it. Come on! Hurry up, damn it! Boyd: Marcus, you're making me nervous. Would you please back up? Kyle: Come on, open it. Boyd, you about done? Marcus: Jesus Christ, old man. How many numbers is it?! Open it! Kyle: Boyd, Boyd! You almost done? Boyd: Almost done, Kyle. Kyle: Holy sh1t. [ Laughs ] Whoo-hoo-hoo! We got the jackpot! [ Laughs ] Boyd, would you please put all that money in that green bag? Come on. [ Cellphone ringing ] Pruitt: What is that? [ Ringing continues ] Boyd: It's goddamn cellphone. Kyle: No, you turned it off. Boyd: You trying to get us all killed, Kyle? Kyle: You turned this off. Boyd: Get out of the trailer. Go on. Get out of the trailer, Kyle. Kyle: Get all that money in that bag. Come on. Let's go. [ Dog barking ] Raylan: These hillbilly doorbells really know a federal when they smell one, huh? Coover: [ Coughs ] Aw, sh1t! Better put the weed away. Raylan: Although, I got to tell you... I'm surprised they can smell anything over that sh1t. Coover: Ah! Dank and delicious. Raylan: Oh, I bet. Coover: [ Coughing ] Raylan: That's quite a hack you got there. Coover: You don't cough, you don't get off. Raylan: So I've heard. Coover: [ Laughs ] Yeah. Raylan: Listen, I know he ain't here, but you're in touch with Walt McCready, right? Your mama said he was working for the family down south somewhere? Coover: That's what she said? Well, then, that's what she said. Raylan: I know you're cashing his draw checks for him. You sending him the money, or you keeping it for yourself? Well, anyway, uh, if you see Walt, will you tell him I was asking after him? Coover: What for? Raylan: Just a few things to clear up in this earlier case with the molester... Jimmy Earl Dean. Just dotting the I's, that sort of thing. Coover: All right. Raylan: I'll let you get back to it. [ Dog barking ] Boyd: All right, let's go. Kyle: That phone was off. You checked it. Boyd: Yeah, then why did it ring? I'll be holding on to that, in case one of you other dumbasses decide to let your cellphone ring. These batteries will stay with me. Hand him that shovel. We're almost there. Shelby, you're not gonna do something stupid and make me pop you in the gut and carry you down? I will not. Boyd: Good. You get this cash out of here. I'll see you down in the hole. Bring that detonator. Kyle: Put the money in the toolbox. Boyd: Let's go for a walk, Shelby. Marcus: Kyle, he's got the batteries. What the hell are we gonna do? Kyle: Let me ask you something, Marcus. How stupid do you think I am? 16 years in the boy scouts. My daddy promised me a Marshall stack as long as I made eagle. Well, howdy, I tell you what... I rocked out that summer. The only other thing I remember... Ah! Be prepared. [ Both laugh ] Take my batteries, I'll get another battery. Boyd: Turn down right here. [ Panting ] Boyd: Face that wall. What are you gonna do with those explosives? You gonna cave in this mine? Boyd: You just stay right there. God damn it, Boyd. If you're gonna kill me, just kill me. [ Beeping ] Kyle: You ready? Marcus: Hey, so long, there, Boyd! [ Laughter ] What would have happened if they'd checked that bag? Boyd: Then we'd be dead, Shelby. [ Sighs ] I'm sorry to get you mixed up in this. It wasn't supposed to go down this way. Well, son. I'm walking away, as far as I know. Unless you're planning on putting one in me. Boyd: No, sir, I am not. Well, then I guess you saved my life. I got nothing to complain about. Who'd listen if I did? Boyd: Well, then might I be so bold as to ask you for a favor? Name it. Boyd: The cops are gonna come. ATF, dogs... everything our federal government has to bear. Now, you tell them that I had to go home. It was emergency, nothing else. Do you understand? Shelby? Done, sir. Coover: No one here. Dickie: Yes, I am able see that, Coover. Thank you. Coover: You think he told the federal we gave him the checks to cash? Dickie: Uh, maybe we should ask the federal. Coover: Oh, sh1t. Do we run? Dickie: No, we do not run. Reverend Baines must not have told him. Otherwise, Raylan would be arresting us right now. Coover: But he knows. Dickie: Yeah, he knows, but he can't prove it. Raylan Givens! Raylan: Dickie. Dickie: There he is. Raylan: How you doing, Coover? Coover: Raylan. Dickie: Eat sh1t. Coover: So, what do we do? Dickie: Well, we drive on out of here and give Doyle a call on the way. [ Car door closes ] Get in. Come on. Coover: Yeah. Let's go. [ Engine turns over ] Boyd: Well, I can see by your face you're somewhat troubled. I can only imagine what I had to do with that. Ava: "Call this number at exactly 6:05 P.M. Don't tell anybody." Boyd: Well... I admit it was terse. [ Sighs ] I wrote it under some time pressure. Ava: Boyd, what the hell is this? Boyd: A favor. Ava: And what would have happened if I hadn't called? Boyd: Well, you wouldn't be speaking to me right now, Ava. Ava: Damn it, Boyd. What the hell you gone and made me a part of? Boyd: Just saving my life. Nothing else. Tom: What'd I miss? Raylan: Oh, Coover came by with brother Dickie. Tom: They were taking McCready's draw checks to Baines. Raylan: Mm-hmm. I don't suppose Baines said anything to you, did he? Tom: Just some crazy story about you tasing him in the nuts. Raylan: I did. Tom: Nice. So? Raylan: So either the Bennetts are just being neighborly, cashing McCready's checks for him and sending him the money... Tom: Or he's dead. Raylan: The more likely option. Tom: And I'm worried about that girl. Raylan: Me too. Tom: From what I understand about Loretta, she's a pretty tough kid. Raylan: She's 14. Tom: What were you like at 14, growing up around these parts? Raylan: [ Scoffs ] Tom: Call child protection? Raylan: And say what? She's being clothed and fed? Tom: [ Scoffs ] Yeah. Look, I got to get. I got a world of sh1t coming off that explosion up at the plackett mine. Raylan: Yeah, I saw the, uh, fire-and-rescue trucks. Collapse? Tom: No. Somebody blew up a truck with emulex. Looks like they were fixing to rob the payroll, had some sort of premature detonation. Raylan: Boyd? Tom: You mean is he dead, or did he rob it? Raylan: Either one. Tom: No sign of his body in the truck wreckage. ATF's looking for him now. I'll see you. Boyd: I don't believe they intended to let me live through the day. Didn't think I was gonna find a way out. Part of me just felt like... laying down, letting it happen. Ava: But you killed them instead. Boyd: Well, I gave them a choice. Now, if they hadn't have pulled that switch on me when I was down there in that hole, things would have gone down different. So the way I see it, Ava, they killed themselves, with greed and avarice. Ava: When I called that cell, did I... Boyd: No. It allowed me to kick them out of the trailer. I put a little cash on the emulex, a little emulex on the cash, and I made sure that the blasting cap went in their packet and not mine. Ava: [ Sighs ] You could have run when Raylan came by, just lit out and let the chips fall. Boyd: What does it say about me that that thought never crossed my mind? Ava: Why did you agree to rob that mine in the first place? Boyd: Because it's what I do. It's who I am, Ava... as hard as I've been trying to pretend otherwise. Everybody else seems to know that but me. Anyway, I came across that letter that you received from the bank. Ava: Boyd, I don't... [ Sighs ] Boyd: I violated your privacy. For that transgression, I do apologize. Ava: So you know that they're after the house? [ Chuckling ] I don't suppose any of that money survived the blast. Boyd: There should be at least $15,000 to $20,000 in there. That's not enough to pay it off, but enough to buy you some security for a little while. Ava: sh1t. Boyd: Ava, there's one more favor that I must ask of you. Ava, you can help me... Or you can refuse. Either way, I will understand. But I'm gonna need to know your answer right now. Dickie: Hey, here he comes. Coover: Oh, sh1t, mama's with him. Hey, mama. Mags: We need to talk. Dickie: Can I get you something, mama? Mags: Nothing's gonna take the taste away from my boys going behind my back. Coover: Mama, w-we never went behind... Mags: Cashing McCready's draw checks? How long did you think it'd take before that'd come back on us? Coover: Mama, that's that federal. He's aiming for trouble with us, always has been. Mags: 'Cause of your actions. Starting with hiring that pederast to do a job I give you. Coover: I'm sorry, mama. Mags: Coover, I know you're sorry. That's why it's gonna hurt so much to have to do this. Coover: [ Groans ] Dickie: Hey, now! Hey, hey, now! Hey! Hey! Doyle: Put your hand on the stump! Put your hand on the stump! Mags: Take what's coming. Coover: Mama. Mags: I'm saving your gun hand, now. Coover: Mama, don't hurt me. Mags: Cross me again, and I will leave you nothing. Coover: Mama! Dickie: You ain't got to do this. Mags: You shut your mouth! Coover: Mama? Mags: 'Cause you're crippled to the point of worthlessness it ain't you down on that table. Coover: [ Grunting ] Mags: As it is, I have to hurt Coover. [ Voice breaking ] And I like Coover. Coover: Mama, I love you. Mama, I love you. Mama, no! [ Screaming ] Mags: [ Panting ] [ Sighs ] We need to talk about what comes next. Coover: [ Voice breaking ] I'm sorry, mama. Oh, mama. I love you. I'm sorry. Got to be sh1tting me, Loretta. 20 a gram for shake and seeds? Loretta: Plenty of other ways to get high, Levon. You can always huff paint... got plenty of practice at it. I'll give you $15 for a dub. Loretta: Dime is $10. Hence a dub is $20. Simple math. Oh, sh1t. Five-O! Loretta, I see you're keeping busy. Loretta: Marshal. I had it in my head you weren't in the business of harassing growers and sellers of herbal relief. Raylan: Herbal relief, huh? Loretta: You'll notice I make no attempt to run or otherwise obstruct your investigation. So I hope you'll take that into consideration before you start shooting. Raylan: That's funny. Mind if I...? Loretta: So, if you're not here to roust me over the weed, might I inquire as to your intentions? Raylan: I know you don't trust me. I don't fault you that, though I like to think my getting you out of Jimmy Earl Dean's trunk might have earned me some traction. I kicked a hornets' nest last night. And things may start to happen, and I need you to know if you find yourself in trouble... any kind... you can call me. I'll drop whatever I'm doing, and I will come for you. You hear me?	Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who gets a tip from Dewey that the Bennetts are into something big? A: fraudulent check cashing; Q: What does Raylan investigate? A: his treacherous accomplices; Q: Who does Boyd turn the tables on? A: Ava; Q: Who does Boyd ask for help? Summary: Raylan gets a tip from Dewey that the Bennetts are into something big, and further agitates the clan by looking into fraudulent check cashing. Boyd manages to turn the tables on his treacherous accomplices, and asks Ava for further help.
EXT. - STRIP CLUB - NIGHT [Titlecard - Sunset Strip - present day] [We're outside the strip club from last episode. Neon-lit profiles of naked women adorn the walls.] INT. - STRIP CLUB - NIGHT [An ultra-bright light beats down on Jenny as she's on stage, half-naked. Mobs of men surround the stage. They shout, cheer, and beat the stage like animals. She takes off her bra and whips it at the crowd and they shout for more.] [Interspersed with shots of the crowd are instantaneous clips of other things, like tiny flashbacks: the drawings of shouting men; a boy in a clown t-shirt, angry at a little girl; many-armed Carmen and a fire juggler from the big top reverie; children running; young Jenny looking around; Jenny at the carnival, sitting in the duck shoot booth.] [Jenny pulls down her pants. The men in the crowd go wild, shouting maniacally and beating the stage with their fists. Jenny throws her pants into the audience.] [Clips: wet running feet on rain-soaked pavement; young Jenny and companion shooting at older Jenny at the duck shoot booth; older Jenny bleeding at the duck shoot booth.] [Jenny pulls down her stockings.] [Clips: drawing of the little girl, naked, looking sad; Jenny in the big top wearing clown makeup.] [Jenny touches herself in front of the mob, then pulls her underwear down. The men shout, cheer, and go wild.] [Clips: older Jenny running away from the duck shoot booth; older Jenny looking at the blood stain on her sweater.] [Jenny stands on the stage with her arms out to her sides. She puts her head back, closes her eyes, and rests her hands on top.] [Opening credits] EXT. - STRIP CLUB - NIGHT [Muffled music is heard from inside. A car alarm goes off somewhere nearby. Traffic passes. Shane sits on the stoop outside the club, smoking a cigarette. Jenny comes out of the club.] Jenny: (smiling) Hey. Shane: Hey lady. Jenny: What are you doing here, lady? Shane: Came to see you. [Shane gets up and hands her cigarette to Jenny. They walk down the sidewalk.] Jenny: What did you think? Shane: You were good. Jenny: No I wasn't, I sucked. [Jenny takes a drag and hands the cigarette back to Shane.] Jenny: Here. It doesn't matter if I'm good. [They stop at a bus stop sign. The sign above reads "NUDE Girls Girls". A homeless man sleeps on the street, next to a trashcan and a newspaper box.] Shane: Wh - why are you - why are you doing this? Jenny: Because, when I'm in there, it's my fcking choice when I take off my top and I wanna show my breasts. And it's my fcking choice when I take off my pants and I show my pussy, and then I stop when I wanna stop and it makes me feel good because I'm in charge, and it helps me remember all this childhood sh1t that happens to me. You know, like, I have to. It's important. Do you remember what happened to you as a child that makes you not wanna - Shane: Jenny, what - what - what do you mean - Jenny: No, seriously, no, no, no, just hear me out. Do you remember the sh1t that happened to you as a child that makes you not wanna trust people as an adult? Shane: Yeah, I probably do. Jenny: Well, then, you're fcking lucky. Shane: I don't know how that makes me so lucky. Jenny: Because you're lucky, because you're... you can get on with your fcking life and you're not dogged down by these horrible, oppressive childhood memories, and you know, you stand a chance of being a normal, productive person. Shane: Well, do you know what happened to you? [Jenny stares down the street, then shakes her head a little, and looks around.] Jenny: I don't know. You know, like, I remember things, and then, like, I think... "Is this true? Did this stuff really happen, or am I making it up?" Because, you know, the older I get, things - the memory sort of becomes a little blurry, and then, it's like, I can't (shakes head)... I don't know, but... you just don't know the truth anymore. Shane: Right. I get that. But you don't have to do it with that. Jenny: I know - Shane: What is this? Jenny: - I know I don't. Shane: Just know that - I'm just saying that you don't have to - you know, you have me, you have other people, you don't have to do this alone. Jenny: I know. No, I know, I know. I'm not alone, but I want to. Shane: Just... just be careful. [A moment of silence. They stare at each other.] Shane: Alright. [Jenny smooths a hand down Shane's shoulder.] Shane: Let's go home. Jenny: No, I'm gonna... (smiling, points at bus stop sign) take the bus. [Shane starts to walk off.] Shane: Promise you're gonna be safe? I'm gonna see you at home. [Jenny stands and waits on the bus.] INTERSTITIAL - [The glittering lights of L.A. at night. A police siren wails in the distance.] [Dawn shining over the L.A. skyline.] INT. - NATAL CARE UNIT PARKING GARAGE - DAY [Bette is helping Tina out of the car.] Bette: I got the birthing tank, but it's the one you have to put together. I know they have some that... Tina: Yeah? [Bette closes the door and they start to walk.] Bette: ... where you just - all you have to do is pump it up? You just roll - [Bette stops when she sees Helena's car parked between them and the exit to the grounds of the natal care unit. Helena is in it with a smug smile on her face.] Helena: Hello, girls. Tina: What are you doing here? Helena: Tina, I need to talk to you for a minute. (to Bette) Do you mind? Bette: Yes. I do, actually. [They start to walk. Helena gets out of the car.] Helena: Tina, I need you to have lunch with me today. My mother's in town. Tina: How did you know we were here? Bette: (smiling) What, are you stalking us? Helena: For your information, James told me where you would be. He said you had a doctor's appointment followed by a tour of the maternity unit. Tina, I thought you were having the baby at home. Tina: I'm having a final checkup, and if everything looks good, I'm having the baby at home. Bette: I don't believe James told you that. James knows not to give out my schedule. Helena: What James knows is that he wants to keep his job. [Bette looks sick.] Helena: He seemed to have relatively few qualms about it. [Helena steps close to Tina.] Helena: So, I'm having lunch at La Terraza. She's really looking forward to meeting you. What time does this tour finish? Tina: (coolly) I'm not having lunch with you. And I don't like this. Bette: We have a doctor's appointment right now, so excuse us. [Bette takes Tina's hand and leads her away.] Helena: Tina... [Helena follows.] Helena: It's important and I'd really appreciate it! Tina: (turns around) Why don't you ask one of your other girlfriends. [They walk hand-in-hand away. Helena keeps pursuit.] Helena: That was uncalled for. Tina: (turns around) I'm sorry. [Bette and Tina continue walking. Helena follows.] Helena: Mother's heard a lot about you, she's looking forward to meeting you! [Bette and Tina turn around, frustrated.] Helena: You're one of the few people who hold your own with her. (looks at Bette) Everyone else just fawns all over her, it's tedious. Bette: Not as tedious as this is becoming. We're going inside now. [Bette and Tina head for the door a few feet away. Helena stands still and folds her arms.] Helena: Fine. I'll make sure they take good care of you in there. [Bette and Tina look confused.] Tina: What? [Helena nods at the hospital sign on the lawn. It reads, "The Rupert & Doris Peabody Natal Care Unit". Bette and Tina look at the sign, and then back at Helena, who stands with her arms crossed, defiant. Tina turns, giving Helena a scornful look. Bette guides her through the door and into the building, tossing back a quick, cautionary glance to Helena.] EXT. - RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY [Dana and her female trainer, Lucia, are sparring as they jog up the street.] Lucia: Come on, I'm kicking your ass! Dana: I'm not sure I want it this bad! [Lucia stops Dana.] Lucia: Yes, you do. You want to win this tournament. You wanna go out a winner! Dana: Why can't I just be a second-rate tennis player who's famous for being a lesbian? That's okay with me, really, it's fine. Lucia: Bullshit. Dana: I know. [Alice drives up the street and pulls up next to them. She honks.] Lucia: Hi. Dana: Hey! What's up? Alice: Hey! [Alice sticks her hands outside the car, offering Dana a pair of boxing gloves.] Lucia: Al... Dana: Yes! [Alice climbs out of the car.] Alice: I found 'em in the hallway, thought maybe you'd forgot 'em. Lucia: (to Dana) Go ahead, put them on. [Lucia helps Dana on with the gloves. Alice stands and looks at Dana a little awkwardly.] Alice: Um, you didn't say goodbye this morning. I woke up, I didn't know where you were. Dana: (smiling) You knew I was training. Alice: I know, but you could've woken me up, or said - left me a note, or... I dunno. [Dana smiles.] Alice: I mean, not like I'm needy, I - I - I don't need you to write me a note, I just, uh... [Dana chuckles. Alice looks suspiciously at Lucia.] Alice: Yeah, I was just mentioning it. Anyway, so... Dana: I'm sorry I didn't leave you a note. Alice: 'Kay. [They smile at each other.] Dana: Alright, well, Lucia and I need to... Lucia: Get her in shape. Don't want Mauresmo making her look like a pussy. [Alice starts to get back in her car.] Alice: (chuckling) I think after you, Lucia, Mauresmo's gonna look like a pussy. Alright, um... see you at The Planet. Dana: Huh? Alice: I could get you a smoothie or something. Dana: You know it's gonna be, like, at least an hour. Alice: I'll - I'll be waiting. Dana: Okay! [Dana and Lucia start to jog off.] Alice: Don't I get a kiss for bringing your gloves? I mean, c'mon. Dana: Yeah. [Lucia folds her arms. Dana jogs over to Alice and gives her a kiss.] Dana: (kissing) Thank you. Alice: Watch yourself! [Dana chuckles as she jogs back. Alice drives off.] Dana: Okay. LATER - [Dana and Lucia are now jogging though a park, still sparring.] Dana: She really loves me, you know. Lucia: Oh. Is that what it is. C'mon, get your ass. C'mon, go, go, go! [Lucia smacks Dana's butt. Dana takes off running.] Lucia: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Bette is opening a large box. Tina looks inside with her. Tina smiles happily. Bette looks worried. Bette sighs and shakes her head.] Bette: Right this minute, I am hating being a lesbian. [Tina sits on the couch a couple of feet away. Bette sighs again. We see the contents of the box - a few rolled pieces of rubber, about as wide as a car's tire, sit inside the box.] Tina: (smiling) Well, I know some lesbians who are really good at putting things together. Bette: (smiling, chastised) Like carpenters? Tina: (smiling) Sorry. That was a throwback. [Bette looks at the birthing tank.] Tina: Well, maybe Davina can do it. She says that she makes a home visit about two days before the baby's born. Bette: No, I'm just gonna do it as a matter of pride. [Bette unpacks the box, starting with little boxes of parts, and instruction manuals, working up to the two or three main rolls of plastic that make up the tank.] Tina: So has Kit heard from her son? Bette: Mm. David's flying in tonight. Uncle Leroy is too weak to travel, but Aunt Becca's going to come with all my cousins to the memorial, and Mrs. Stout, and daddy's nurse, Fiona. Tina: What about Benjamin? Bette: Kit doesn't want him to. She's afraid if she sees him, she'll lose her resolve. Tina: Poor Kit. Bette: She's completely thrown herself into this memorial. [Bette stops and looks at the various tools and parts she's unpacked from the box. She chuckles and tosses up her hands.] Bette: So, that's a birthing tank. Tina: Bette, I'm having a home birth. [Bette smiles and continues unpacking.] Bette: I think it's great that Dr. Wilson thinks it's safe. I mean, the baby's healthy, and you're in great shape... Tina: What I meant is that I'm having a home birth. [Bette stops and looks at her.] Tina: And I wanna have it in my home. Bette: (a beat, confused) You mean you wanna give... birth in your apartment? Tina: No... Bette: Are you sure, because I - I've got everything so well organized, and I just think that - [Tina looks down. Bette isn't getting it.] Tina: No. (shaking head) I want... (voice wavering) to move back into our house... and I wanna have a our baby in our home. I want all of us to have a home together. [They smile at each other. Bette looks quietly in awe at Tina. She sits down next to her on the couch.] INT. - LA TERRAZA - DAY [A fancy restaurant. Helena enters and sees her mom sitting at a table with Wilson and Jun Ying. Another woman sits at the table, with her back facing Helena. The kids see Helena.] Peggy: Helena, come. Join us, dear. Children: Mommy! Mommy! [The children run to Helena's outstretched arms.] Helena: (laughing) Hey! How are you? [The woman at the table turns around. It's Winnie.] Winnie: Hello, Helena. [Helena's smile fades. She kisses the kids.] Helena: See you later. [Helena starts to walk off.] Peggy: Helena. Stop. [Helena stops. Winnie smiles at Peggy.] Peggy: Come back. [Helena turns around to look at her mother. She looks at her mother like a punished child. Winnie smiles victoriously at Peggy.] Peggy: Sit down. [Helena walks back to the kids, smiling at them.] Helena: Come and sit down. Peggy: Don't be a petulant child. [Helena sits down next to Winnie. The children sit down next to their grandmother again, on the opposite side of the table.] Winnie: (to children) There we go. Helena: What are they doing here? Wilson: Aren't you happy to see us, mummy? Helena: Of course I am, sweetheart. Winnie: Peggy called me and invited me to lunch, and I was thrilled to hear from her. Peggy: I wanted to see my grandchildren, and I, apparently, have missed a birthday. [Peggy hands a birthday present to a smiling Jun Ying.] Helena: You could have called me. Peggy: I wanted to see Winnie, too. I hear things are getting ugly between the two of you. I won't have that, Helena. [Mother and daughter stare daggers at each other.] Helena: You won't have it? Peggy: Everything you do reflects on me. Please try to remember that. Helena: After Vladimir, mummy, I really don't think the standard was all that high. Peggy: His name was Dragomir, darling, and he was never meant to be a standard bearer. [Helena raises her brows.] Winnie: Your mother is actually incredibly generous, Helena. You should try seeing her the way the rest of the world sees her. Helena: And you should try seeing her the way her children saw her - (to Peggy, smiling) or rather, never saw her. [A waiter approaches Helena.] Waiter: Can I get you something? [Helena opens her mouth to speak.] Peggy: Have a Bellini, darling, we all are. Do please leave the "poor damaged child" nonsense for your psychiatrist. Not the one who's suing you, the one who's still taking your phone calls. [Winnie covers her mouth as she snickers. Helena looks incensed at the humiliation.] Helena: (to waiter, angry) I'll have a Bloody Mary, thank you, with an extra shot! [The waiter walks off. Peggy hugs Jun Ying.] Peggy: Oh, I love these little lamby things. (kisses Jun Ying) Don't you? Winnie: They love you too, Peggy. Helena: Oh, Christ. Winnie: They were so excited when I told them we were having lunch with Dama Teh Teh. Peggy: I'm not about to lose them, Helena, so I've made a proposition to Winnie. Helena: You've propositioned everyone else. You may as well proposition my ex. Peggy: Winnie is going to have the co-op on Gramercy Park. My precious little squirrelykins are going to live in the manner to which they've become accustomed, and they're going to be able to see their Dama Teh Teh anytime they want. [Winnie looks on happily as Peggy hugs her grandkids. Helena looks quietly defeated.] INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Bette is sitting in the floor by her bed, going through a box of old photos of her father. She holds each one up and stares closely at it. Tina walks into the bedroom and goes to sit on a stool next to her. Bette shows her a picture. Tina pets Bette's hair. Bette stares at the picture, and begins to cry.] Bette: Daddy. [Music begins - Tracy Chapman's "Say Hallelujah"] INTERSTITIAL - [Old, black and white photos of Melvin Porter. Some of the photos show him with Bette's mom, and one shows him and Bette's mom posing with a wide-eyed baby Bette. The next photo shows Melvin's other family - Kit's family. We see a photo of Melvin holding a baby Kit.] INT. - CHURCH - DAY [As the music continues, we see scenes from Melvin Porter's funeral. A choir sings as the congregation watches. Kit sits in the audience, crying quietly. Her son, David, sits by her side with an arm tightly around her shoulder. Bette and Tina sit in another pew; Bette wipes tears from her eye. Jenny, Shane, Carmen, Dana, and Alice sit near the back, quietly watching. Mark stands in the aisle, filming the service.] [Kit touches David's face. They touch foreheads in a loving mother and son nuzzle. Kit smiles.] [David speaks at the microphone to everyone gathered. Bette takes Kit's hand in hers. Franklin and Leo sit in the back with a myriad of other funeral attendees.] [David, Tina, Bette, and Kit gather together and embrace in a circle. Jenny looks down, seeming sad.] [Gloria Steinem sits in the congregation, watching.] [A woman holds a man's hand.] [Kit looks sad.] [Kit and Bette embrace.] [Alice and Bette embrace. Dana, Jenny, and Shane look on.] Alice: I'm sorry. Bette: Thank you. Alice: Where's Tina? Bette: Oh, I had her go home. Dr. Wilson said she shouldn't be on her feet for too long. Alice: Yeah. Okay. [Dana hugs Bette.] Bette: Thank you for coming. Jenny: (to Shane) What's Gloria Steinem doing here? [Shane squints, then looks over. Gloria Steinem is talking to Kit.] Gloria: Your father was a great man. Kit: Thanks. [Gloria walks over to Bette.] Gloria: I'm Gloria. I was a friend of your father's. Bette: My father talked about you a lot. [We see more black and white photos of Melvin Porter. In one, he's arm in arm with a young Gloria Steinem. In another, he's an old man, shaking hands with President Bill Clinton.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Melvin's wake. Lara hands a tray of hors d'oeuvres to a waiter just as Dana walks up to the counter.] Dana: Hi. Lara: (smiling) Hey. Dana: Everything looks beautiful. You've done such a wonderful job. Kit's so lucky to have you. [In the background, Alice takes a glass of wine from a waitress and watches Dana.] Lara: Well, I'm lucky. I - I love my job. Dana: And you're good at it! And you look good doin' it! [Dana chuckles. Lara looks over at Alice. Alice looks away.] Lara: (laughing) We're not gonna go there. Dana: No. (looking at Alice) No. (looking back at Lara) No, we're definitely not gonna go there. Lara: But you're very cute. Dana: (giggling) Ah, shut up! [Alice watches. Lara and Dana are giggling and talking to each other. Dana glances over to Alice. Alice looks away.] Dana: I - I gotta go. Lara: Okay. Dana: Bye. Lara: Bye. [Dana turns around and nearly runs into a couple of guests.] Dana: Oh - sorry. Excuse me. [Dana walks over to Alice.] Dana: Hi! Alice: Hey! What's up? Dana: Oh, nothing, you know, just talking to Lara. Alice: Yeah. Dana: About what a nice job she's doing. Alice: Uh-huh. Dana: So... Alice: This is kind of out of the blue, um... [Alice sets down her drink and takes Dana's hand just in time for Dana to take a drink from the passing waiter.] Dana: (to waiter) Oh, cool. Thank you very much. [Dana takes a drink of her wine while Alice asks:] Alice: What do you think about moving in with me? Dana: Mm-hmm. Alice: Really? Dana: (just realizing) What? Alice: Because I kind of feel like maybe we're - Dana: Wait. Are you serious? Alice: Yeah. Dana: Al, I don't know - I don't know. Alice: You don't know? Dana: Well... Alice: You're having doubts about us? Dana: (overdramatic) No! Oh, my G - no! If anything, it's the opposite. I'm just - I'm - things are going so good right now. Alice: Do you want to see other people? 'Cause - Dana: What? Alice, where did you get that from what I just said? [Dana rubs Alice's arm.] Alice: (shaking head) I ca - no - okay. [Alice looks nervous.] ELSEWHERE - [Bette stands with Franklin and Leo.] Bette: Thank you so much for coming. It was really kind of you. Franklin: It was a beautiful memorial. He certainly was well-loved. Leo: You really honored him, Bette. Bette: Thank you. [They hug, then Bette hugs Franklin.] Bette: (to Franklin) I'd like to take the rest of the week off to sort through his affairs, but I'll be in the office on Monday. I'm completely up to speed. Franklin: Mm-hmm. [Franklin looks anxious. He and Leo glance at each other.] Bette: Is there something... wrong? [As the seconds pass, Franklin looks more twitchy and nervous.] Franklin: Ah, um... uh, now is not the time, Bette. Come and see me on Monday. [Franklin and Leo start to leave.] Bette: If you have something to tell me, I would rather you told me now. Is it the Allyn Barnes exhibit? [Franklin sighs and looks down.] Franklin: Uh, uh, Bette, um... (looks up) w - uh - in your absence, uh... Leo has been doing a - a - a... a very, very good job of filling your shoes, uh, uh... [Bette smiles just a little at Leo. Franklin looks back and forth between them.] Franklin: So good, in fact, that we've decided to keep him on. [Bette smiles a little, but her expression is foreboding.] Bette: As my co-equal? Franklin: Uh... [Franklin looks at Leo. Leo leaves. Franklin looks at Bette. Bette narrows her brows at him.] Franklin: Um... uh... Bette... the Board has decided to buy out your contract. Bette: (a beat, thinking) Are you firing me, Franklin? [Franklin stares at her.] Bette: Because I have a baby on the way. Franklin: The settlement is going to give you a nice little cushion, and, uh, time for you to... figure out what you - might want to do next - Bette: I'll tell you what I'd like to do next, I'd like to fcking murder somebody. You, maybe. Or your friend Helena Peabody. That's nice. That's a really... nice thing to do to someone while their father's dying. You're a class act, Franklin. [Bette pats Franklin on the arm and walks off. Franklin looks defeated and finally leaves.] ELSEWHERE - Betty bandmember #1: Well, we call it "The Gloria Project," and we're collecting and taping all of her words and works. It would be great if you could videotape tonight. Mark: Oh, yeah, well, I mean, for a free ticket, I'd be totally into it. Betty bandmember #1: Well, there you go, then. 8:00 at the Wiltern. We're playing, Kinnie Starr, and Heart is headlining. [She hands him a ticket.] Mark: Awesome. Cool. See you tonight. ELSEWHERE - [Gloria, Dana, Alice, Shane, Jenny, and Carmen sit around a table with other members of Betty.] Betty bandmember #2: Look, Gloria, I've been begging you for 15 years to sleep with me, and it's because I care about you and I love you. I don't want you to miss out, and I know, I know - not every feminist is a lesbian. Kit: Yeah, you're right, 'cause I haven't slept with a woman and I am definitely a feminist. Betty bandmember #1: Ditto for me. Gloria: But, you know, we're in a country where all feminists are lesbians, right? Dana: And they think that all feminists are man-haters, so, naturally, they're lesbians, right? Gloria: It's really bananas, because, in my experience, it's the women who live with men who hate men. [Everyone laughs.] Gloria: The lesbians can kind of take it or leave it alone. They're friends with men, right? Jenny: Another big misconception is that if you're a lesbian, you're automatically a feminist, whereas a lot of gay women that I know are absolutely not feminists, right? [Jenny motions to Shane.] Alice: Yeah. Carmen: That's for sure. [Jenny smiles at Carmen as Carmen stares at Shane as Shane looks between Jenny and Carmen.] Shane: (shrugging) Wha - I like women! [Everyone laughs.] Gloria: Okay, but you have to admit that that's what guys say. "I love women." Shane: Well, yeah. Alice: Alright, can I just say, speaking as someone who sometimes likes the you-know-what - Gloria: "You-know-what" means... sx with men, right? Alice: Yeah, I didn't want to offend you, but... I like the pen1s. [Everybody laughs. Jenny doesn't.] Gloria: No, no, no. You don't offend me. I like sx with men too. Let's just say that I'm predisposed. I bet a lot of you are predisposed, right? [Gloria looks around the table. Carmen throws both hands in the air.] Carmen: (laughing) Predisposed! Right here! [Dana grins. Alice doesn't.] Shane: (nodding) A hundred percent. Dana: As far back as I can remember, yeah, me too. Alice: Not me. I follow the heart, not the anatomy. (shrugs) [Dana rubs Alice's shoulder.] Jenny: It's always so complicated, isn't it? Some people have a choice, and some people don't about this thing, right? [Shane nods.] Shane: Mm. Gloria: Right. Carmen: You know what? To choice. [Carmen raises her glass.] Gloria: Right. To choice. Carmen: Yes. [Everybody clinks glasses.] Shane: Cheers. Others: Cheers. Jenny: And to Melvin. Gloria: Yes. To Melvin. Others: To Melvin. [They all clink glasses and drink.] EXT. - THE WILTERN - NIGHT [The marquee reads "Heart / Betty / Kinnie Starr / Special Guest / Gloria Steinem". Several people stand outside under the marquee. Jenny walks in alone.] EXT. - PARKING DECK - NIGHT [Shane parks her Jeep.] Shane: Yeah. This should be cool. It's a benefit for the Ms. Foundation. Gloria Steinem is hosting it. Carmen: Awesome. Thanks for inviting me. [Shane gets out.] Shane: Alright. Hold on. [Shane goes around to Carmen's door and opens it. Carmen smiles.] Carmen: What's this? (chuckles) [Shane smiles and shrugs. She looks excited and nervous.] Carmen: Okay. Thank you. Shane: Is it okay? [Carmen is about to close the door, herself.] Shane: No, no. I've got it. Carmen: Oh. Wow. [Shane closes the door for her. Carmen seems giddy.] Carmen: Sure. I - I don't know. I'm just not used to being treated like such a girl, I guess, so... Shane: Oh, what are you talking about, "treated like a girl?" Carmen: Oh, okay. Shane: No, I thought I'd treat you. Carmen: (nodding, smiling) Oh. Okay. Right. I get the difference. [They smile at each other.] Shane: Are we ready? Carmen: Yeah! [Shane holds out her hand, but then decides instead to offer her elbow. Carmen isn't sure what to do, so she just pushes Shane in the shoulder. They walk off together, smiling and playing.] INT. - THE WILTERN - NIGHT [Several people stand around chatting and having drinks, waiting for the show to begin. Helena and Leigh and standing against a wall. Helena presses her body against Leigh and speaks seductively to her. Leigh looks almost hypnotized as Helena speaks.] Helena: You ever get a girl pregnant? Leigh: No. Have you? [Helena pulls back a little and looks at Leigh's belly.] Helena: I think you'd look amazing pregnant. (leaning in) Maybe we should have a baby together. [They're about to share a steamy kiss, when Bette saunters up and parks herself.] Bette: You really are the fcking scourge of the universe, aren't you? (to Leigh) Hello, Leigh. It's nice to see you. Leigh: Hi. Helena: I'm sorry. Are you talking to me? Bette: I don't know. Did you ever even care about Tina? Because if you did, you wouldn't have done what you did to me, because it affects her too. Did you even stop to think about that? Helena: You're under a misapprehension if you think I had anything to do with that. Bette: That's bullshit. Leigh: What are you two talking about? [Peggy walks up and stands between Helena and Leigh.] Peggy: Hello. Why, Bette Porter! Bette: (smiling) Peggy Peabody. Peggy: Are you here by yourself tonight? Because I'm sort of feeling a bit of a gooseberry between these two horny lovebirds. Bette: Actually, I'm here with my partner, Tina. [Bette glances at Helena. Helena looks quietly upset.] Peggy: (smiling) Ah, Tina. Tina... (to Helena) Didn't you just have a Tina? Or is that the new popular name for lesbians? Helena: Actually, mummy, it's, um... (smiling) it's the same Tina. [Peggy stares at her daughter for a moment, then looks at Bette.] Peggy: Oh, dear. [Bette smiles and lifts her brows.] Peggy: Did anyone happen to see the surrealist show at The Met a few years ago? Leigh: "Desire Unbound." It was brilliant. Brilliantly curated. The man rays were completely brilliant. Peggy: fck brilliant. I'm talking about how those people fcked. Bette: (chuckling) Those surrealists certainly fcked a lot, and it's very well documented. [Helena folds her arms, looking miffed.] Peggy: Eluard the poet was with the beauteous Gala, and then Gala slipped off and seduced Max Ernst, who thought he was very much in love with Louise at the time. [Bette smiles Peggy as she speaks, seemingly enjoying the segue.] Peggy: Then Gala ended up with Dali, and that left Eluard and Louise to share another woman, the very strange Denise Levy, who was being courted, and boinked, I believe, at the time by - Bette: Breton. Peggy: Breton, yes, and boinked by Peret, and blabbity-blabbity-blah. [Bette chuckles, enjoying Peggy's presence.] Peggy: Well, at least they wrote fabulous, tortured, sick love poems to one another. Helena: Yes, mummy, 'cause that - that absolutely redeemed them. [Mother and daughter once again stare daggers at each other.] Peggy: Well, you know, all that fcking, with no art, is really rather dreary. [Peggy looks around the group. Helena clenches her jaw and looks away] Peggy: I hope you girls write fabulous, sick, neurotic, tortured love poems to one another. Bette: (smiling) I'm actually working on several right now. Peggy: Send me one, would you, Bette? [Carmen approaches.] Carmen: Hey, Bette? Hello. I'm so sorry to interrupt. Um. [Carmen leans close to Bette and speaks quietly.] Carmen: Tina's still in the bathroom, and, um, I think she needs your help. Bette: Excuse me, Peggy. Peggy: Yes. [Bette heads off toward the bathroom.] [SCENE_BREAK] INT. - THE WILTERN - BATHROOM - NIGHT [A trail of clear liquid is on the bathroom floor. At the end of the trail stands Tina, staring at the floor.] [Bette rushes in.] Bette: Baby, are you okay? [Tina looks up at her, full of nervous awe.] Tina: I think my water just broke. [They both look down at the floor.] Tina: Oh, my God. [Bette pulls her cell phone from her back pocket. She dials. She exhales nervously as the phone begins to ring on the other end. The answering machine on the other end beeps.] Bette: (phone) Hi, Davina. It's Bette Porter. I am in the bathroom of the Wiltern Theater with Tina and a huge puddle of water. [Tina groans and looks at Bette. Her labor pains have started.] INT. - THE WILTERN - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT [Carmen jogs down the aisle, to where Kit and David are sitting.] Carmen: Kit, Kit, Kit. Hi. Kit: Hey. Carmen: How are you? Kit: Good, girl. Carmen: Good. Okay, um, Bette wanted me to tell you that she and Tina had to leave, and that everything is going to be okay. Kit: (confused) Well, what happened? Carmen: Tina's water broke! Kit: Oh, my - [They laugh. David smiles. Kit looks like she's ready to jump out of her seat and get to the hospital.] Kit: Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Come on, we've got to go. David: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mom, mom, mom, sit down. They've probably got hours to go. Carmen: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Plus she said that she wants you to stay, and she wants you to enjoy the concert, and - and that she's going to call you as soon as she can. Okay? [Kit looks happy.] Kit: Okay. Carmen: Oh, congratulations! [Carmen hugs Kit and gives her a kiss on the head. Kit laughs excitedly. The M.C. takes the stage.] M.C.: (mic) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a special evening of music and performance to benefit the Ms. Foundation for Women. Please welcome this evening's host, Gloria Steinem. [The crowd stands and cheers. Gloria stands at a podium on the stage. As Gloria gives her speech, people continue to shout out and cheer.] Gloria: (mic) Remember when Emma Goldman said, "if there's no dancing at the revolution, I'm not coming?" [The audience chuckles.] Gloria: Well, tonight we have both. Thanks to Betty, thanks to Heart, we have the music, and thanks to all of you, we have the revolution. [Cheering.] Gloria: And we are going to need it, because there is a guy in the White House - [Booing.] Gloria: - who represents all those religious extremists that people came to this country to escape. Audience member: Whoo! Gloria: But that's because there's a backlash against all the great social justice movements, and if we hadn't had a frontlash, we wouldn't now be having a backlash. [Cheering.] Gloria: So we're just going to keep going and do it more and better. We're going to not only vote, but reform the way we vote. [Cheering.] Gloria: We're going to contribute not only when we're asked, but every time we pay our bills. [Cheering.] Gloria: We're not only going to change women to fit the world, but change the world to fit women. [Cheering.] Gloria: And we are going to become the change we want to see in the world. [Cheering.] Gloria: So, first tonight, then the world. [The crowd cheers. Gloria applauds to the audience as she leaves the stage. Kinnie Starr takes the stage and performs the poem "Buttons".] Kinnie Starr: (mic) "She's got a mother, a daughter, and a lover. You tell me why she should now save cover. Yeah, she's got a mother, a daughter, and a lover. Boy on the street's got his eyes pinned onto me." [Shane and Carmen sit together, watching. Shane leans over and whispers quietly into Carmen's ear.] Shane: Do you think you might want to come over after this? For a little while? [Carmen doesn't answer. She seems to move away just slightly. Shane seems confused and after a moment pulls back.] Kinnie Starr: (mic) "Shape, sizes, handprints, shoe fits the shapes, sizes, handprints, shoe fits and off with the underwear." [Carmen leans over.] Carmen: (quickly) For a little bit. [Up front, Jenny watches Kinnie Starr.] Kinnie Starr: (mic) "He penetrates me with his stare. This is not fair 'cause he penetrates me with his stare." [Jenny watches. We suddenly flashback to her big top nightmare, where she stands in clown makeup at the top of the high wire, then falls.] [The crowd applauds.] Kinnie Starr: (mic) Thank you. [Kinnie walks off stage and Betty begins to perform "Kissing You".] [Alice and Dana watch from the audience. Alice turns to Dana.] Alice: Can I ask you something? Um, when you said "too fast," what'd you mean, like? 'Cause you and Tonya moved in together after, like, two days. Dana: Yeah, I know, that was part of the problem. I - I like this. I like you, I like us, I like the way that we - Alice: You like me? Dana: I'm crazy about you, you know that! I'm just, you know, the other day, you freaked me out. Alice: I can't believe you just said you like me. [The song is over. The crowd applauds. Alice turns to Dana.] Alice: Freaked you out how? Dana: What? Alice: You said I freaked you out the other night. Where? When? Dana: No, it was when - when I - when I had dinner with Lara that night - Alice: Yeah... Dana: - it just seemed like it, you know... Alice: What? Dana: It seemed like it made you a little crazy, that's all. Alice: Crazy? [The lights dim.] M.C.: (mic) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Heart! [Heart takes the stage and performs "Crazy On You". The crowd cheers loudly. Jenny is down front, dancing and cheering with several others.] [Halfway through the song, Jenny stops and seems to really start to watch Ann Wilson sing, and listen to the lyrics.] [Near the end of the song, Jenny rubs her forehead, looking thoughtful.] [As the song ends, the crowd stands and cheers loudly. Shane and Carmen cheer. Carmen grabs Shane and hugs her.] [The crowd cheers a jubilant Heart. Jenny looks sad.] INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [The birthing tank is set up in the living room floor, and half-filled with water. A little yellow duck thermometer floats on the surface. The mid-wife, Davina, stands near the tank. On the opposite side, Tina is in her dressing gown, clutching part of the wall, groaning in pain. Bette stands behind her, gently rubbing her back and shoulder.] Tina: (whimpering) Ow, I don't think I can take any more of this. Bette: Yes, you can. It's going to be fine. I'm right here, and Davina's here now too, okay? Davina: You might want to think about getting in the tub, Tina. [Tina moans and starts to turn around. Bette holds her up and they take small steps over to the tank.] Bette: (whispering) Come on. I've got you. [Tina holds on to Bette as they walk.] Bette: I've got you. [They get to the edge of the tank and stop.] Bette: Can you get in? [Tina carefully lifts a leg and steps into the tank.] Bette: Okay. I've got you. [Tina groans in pain as she steps the other foot in the tank.] Bette: There you go. Let me get this. [Tina stands in the tank as Bette lifts her dressing gown up and over her head.] INT. - THE WILTERN - LOBBY - NIGHT [The crowd is leaving.] Alice: I just have to say you made me feel terrible. Dana: I'm sorry. Alice: You made me feel so bad. Dana: Well, I've said I'm sorry. I - I was just telling you how I feel. Alice: It's not like it's your fault. It's just - (sighs) I mean, maybe I'm making myself feel bad, but I'm turning into someone I can't stand. Dana: Who? Your mother? Alice: fck you. [Alice starts to walk off. Dana grabs Alice's arm.] Dana: I'm sorry. Al, al - Alice: I can't fcking talk to you. Dana: Alice, come here. Look, I'm sorry, okay? That was... not even close to funny. I'm sorry. Alice: Look, I didn't even... I didn't know I was turning into someone who was all smothery and needy and codependent. I mean, gross. I can't think of anything worse. Dana: Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Alice: No, I'm glad you said something. Look, I mean, things have gotten super intense between us super fast, and I... I've never felt this way. I don't know. I - it's making me act weird. [Dana smiles at Alice.] Dana: I think it's good. Alice: It's not if I get too attached to it. Dana: What? Why? Alice: Well, I feel like... I feel like that guy with the mouse, and he... you know, he loves the mouse, and he holds - you know... Dana: What are you talking about? Alice: It was like, see, 'cause he loves the mouse so much... [Alice makes a repetitive mouse-petting motion in the palm of her hand.] Dana: Oh, the - yeah. Alice: Yeah. Dana: Right. Alice: I don't want to be like that. Dana: Well, then don't. Don't. Don't be... Lenny. Don't smother the mouse. Just let it breathe, Alice. Alice: And the worst thing is, I can't even call my best friend and talk to her about it. Dana: (shrugs) I know. [Dana sighs. Alice looks away.] INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Davina is putting on gloves. Tina is in the tank, leaning over the edge in exhaustion. She is sweating and panting, eyes closed. Bette sits directly behind her in the water in a t-shirt and shorts, rubbing her shoulders.] Davina: Bette? [Bette looks back at Davina.] Davina: You can put your fingers there to see if you can feel anything. [Bette puts her hand in the water and leans close to Tina, feeling for the baby's head. After a second, she looks up at Davina.] Bette: Oh, my God. I feel something. Davina: Let's take a look. Bette: (to Tina) So here, you lean back on me. [Tina seems barely aware through the haze of pain as Davina kneels down next to the tank. Bette helps Tina to lean back.] Davina: Easy. Come on. Tina: (breathless) Okay. [Tina pants heavily as she leans back onto Bette's chest.] Davina: Just ease right out. [Tina leans her weight against Bette. Davina reaches a gloved hand into the water, between Tina's legs.] Davina: The baby's head is right there. [Bette and Tina smile.] Davina: She's getting ready to join us. [Tina pants heavily, managing another little smile.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH - NIGHT [Shane is pouring a glass of red wine for Carmen.] Shane: This should probably breathe. [Shane sets the wine bottle down. She looks nervously at Carmen.] Carmen: I'm gonna go. Okay, bye. [Carmen abruptly turns and walks off. Shane gently grabs her arm.] Shane: No. [A few tense seconds pass. Shane turns Carmen to her.] Shane: I don't want you to go. [Shane and Carmen near. Shane seems like she wants to kiss Carmen, but hugs her instead. Carmen melts into the embrace.] Shane: I miss the way you smell. [Carmen exhales happily, a smile and a tear on her face. Shane pulls back, seeming to want to kiss her again, but instead hugs her once more. Carmen starts to cry. Shane pulls away and kisses her on the cheek, then the neck. Carmen gasps.] [They stare at each other for a moment. Shane wipes Carmen's tear away and draws near for a kiss. Carmen draws back a little. Shane finally kisses her. The kiss is at first tentative, but then turns warm and fluid.] [The kiss becomes wildly passionate. They walk through the house, barely breaking for air, running up against tables and walls until they finally get to Shane's bedroom.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - SHANE'S ROOM - NIGHT [Without missing a beat, they collapse onto Shane's bed, kissing hungrily.] INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Tina is panting miserably. She is out of the tank, lying on a sheet and several pillows on the floor. Bette sits at her side, holding her hand and talking to her. Davina sits at Tina's feet.] Davina: Let's roll her onto her side - Bette: Roll towards me. Davina: - to take some pressure off the neck. Come on, roll over. Bette: Roll towards me. Davina: Come on. Bette: Yeah, there you go. [Tina struggles to roll onto her side, into Bette's lap. She cries out in pain.] Davina: Oh... Bette: What is that? [The sheet is stained black where Tina was lying.] Davina: That's meconium. It means that the baby is in some distress. I'm going to have to recommend we move this to the hospital. Tina: (crying, weakly) Oh, no... Davina: Tina, I know this is not what you want, but for the baby's safety, we're going to have to go. INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - SHANE'S ROOM - NIGHT [Shane and Carmen are having s*x.] [Carmen comes. For a few moments, Carmen sighs and moans quietly while Shane kisses her face.] Shane: I love you. Carmen: Mm... EXT. - L.A. STREET - NIGHT [Jenny walks up to the bus stop. Somewhere in the distance, we hear a car alarm and cats fighting. Finally the bus pulls up. Jenny gets on. She walks down the aisle, and stops when she sees a little girl sitting alone - it's her younger self. She smiles down at her.] Jenny: Hi. [We see short, confusing flashbacks of Jenny's rape. A young girl is thrown to the ground; a hand covers a mouth. We hear muffled screaming.] [Jenny sits down next to her younger self.] [Flashbacks of teenaged boys standing in a forest. One of them wears a t-shirt with a bizarre face of a laughing clown on it.] [Jenny holds her younger self, crying.] [Flashbacks. Three teenaged boys hold the girl down in the dirt.] [Jenny kisses her younger self on the head, and pets her hair.] [Flashbacks. We see wet feet running on wet pavement.] [Jenny holds her younger self, petting her hair.] [Flashback to young Jenny, standing alone in the woods, her clothes dirty and torn. Muffled screams and whooping are heard as one of the teenaged boys runs off in the background.] [As the bus pulls away, we see Venus de Mylar's battered trailer sitting next to a building, surrounded by trash.] EXT. - L.A. STREET - NIGHT [An ambulance races down a boulevard, lights and sirens going.] INT. - AMBULANCE - NIGHT [Tina is lying on her side on the gurney. Bette sits next to her, stroking her hair. The paramedic stands over Tina, working quickly on an IV. Tina groans, panting and gasping.] Bette: Her fever is rising. Can you give her something to bring her fever down? Paramedic: We've got everything under control, okay? Don't worry. [Bette looks frustrated. She gently strokes Tina's hair.] Tina: (crying, weakly) Don't let her die. Please, don't let her die. Bette: Baby, I'm right here. It's going to be okay. Tina: (crying) ... baby, don't let her die... Bette: I promise. I promise. I swear to God. Tina: (crying) Don't die... Bette: It's going to be okay. (to driver) Can you hurry up?! EXT. - L.A. STREET - NIGHT [The ambulance passes the bus, at another stop. We see Jenny sitting on the bus, staring out the window into the night. The bus pulls away.] EXT. - HOSPITAL - DAWN [The ambulance drives into the emergency bay. We see the sun rising over the L.A. skyline.] Dr. Wilson: (off screen) Cutting at zero-six-hundred, lower end retractor. INT. - HOSPITAL - OPERATING ROOM [Tina lies on the operating table, sobbing. Bette sits by her side, dressed in a surgical gown and cap. Dr. Wilson is performing a C-section with a small team of nurses and assistants.] Tina: (crying) It wasn't supposed to be this way. I failed you both. I'm sorry. Bette: You didn't fail anybody. You didn't fail anybody. You're amazing. You're amazing. Tina: (crying) I'm sorry... [Bette strokes Tina's forehead.] Bette: She's almost here. It's okay. Tina: (crying) I'm sorry. Bette: She's almost here. She's almost here. [Tina nods and smiles through the tears.] [Dr. Wilson pulls the baby out. She holds the baby up where Tina can see it. Bette beams. Tina weeps.] Dr. Wilson: And there she is. Bette: (qu	Plan: A: Melvin Porter's funeral service; Q: What event is held at The Planet? A: Mark; Q: Who videotapes Melvin Porter's funeral? A: a surprise guest; Q: Who is Gloria Steinem? A: stunning news; Q: What does Bette get about her job when Franklin fires her? A: a job offer; Q: What does Mark get after the funeral? A: a surprisingly difficult labor; Q: What is the reason Tina is forced to go to the hospital? A: the hospital; Q: Where does Tina go when she goes into labor? A: her painful childhood memory; Q: What is the reason Jenny finally reaches her breaking point? A: her jealousy; Q: What is Alice struggling with? A: Dana; Q: Who decides to speak with Lara to get closure on their previous relationship? A: Los Angeles; Q: Where does Peggy Peabody arrive? A: the laws; Q: What does Peggy Peabody lay down with Helena over her custody battle? A: two; Q: How many kids does Helena have with Winnie? A: Carmen; Q: Who does Shane decide to try out a relationship with? Summary: Melvin Porter's funeral service is held at The Planet. Mark videotapes the event which is attended by a surprise guest, Gloria Steinem , where Bette gets stunning news about her job when her boss, Franklin, fires her, but Mark ends up with a job offer of his own. Tina goes into a surprisingly difficult labor and is forced to go to the hospital as the situation gets more difficult... and dangerous. Jenny finally reaches her breaking point over her painful childhood memory. Meanwhile, Alice continues to struggle with her jealousy over Dana being around Lara, which prompts Dana to decide to speak with Lara to get closure on their previous relationship. Elsewhere, Peggy Peabody arrives in Los Angeles and lays down the laws with Helena over her custody battle with Winnie for their two kids. Also, Shane finally decides to try out a relationship with Carmen.
[King's Landing - Ned Stark crosses the stone bridge to the Tourney of the Hand's grounds. He passes workers as they prepare for the day's games and enters the fallen Ser Hugh's tent where he joins Barristan Selmy watching over the dead knight's burial preparations.] NED: Does Ser Hugh have any family in the capital? BARRISTAN: No. I stood vigil for him myself last night. He had no one else. NED: He'd never worn this armor before. BARRISTAN: Bad luck for him ... going against the Mountain. NED: Who determines the draw? BARRISTAN: All the knights draw straws, Lord Stark. NED: Aye ... but who holds the straws? (addressing the body's attendants) You've done good work, sisters. [Both Ned and Barristan exit the tent and walk along the other tents as they talk.] BARRISTAN: Life is strange. Not so many years ago we fought as enemies at the Trident. NED: I'm glad we never met on the field, Ser Barristan ... as is my wife. I don't think the widow's life would suit her. BARRISTAN: (chuckles) You're too modest. I've seen you cut down a dozen great knights. NED: My father once told me you were the best he'd ever seen. I never knew the man to be wrong about matters of combat. BARRISTAN: He was a fine man, your father. What the Mad King did to him was a terrible crime. NED: (pointing back to Ser Hugh's tent) And that lad ... he was a squire until a few months ago. How could he afford a new suit of armor? BARRISTAN: Perhaps Lord Arryn left him some money? I hear the King wants to joust today. NED: Yes. That will never happen. BARRISTAN: (chuckles) Robert tends to do what he wants. NED: If the King got what he wanted all the time, we'd still be fighting a damned rebellion. [Ned leaves Barristan's side and enters King Robert Baratheon's tent. Inside, Lancel Lannister is attempting to dress King Robert in his armament.] LANCEL: It's made too small, Your Grace. It won't go. KING ROBERT: Your mother was a dumb whore with a fat ass. Did you know that? (addressing Ned) Look at this idiot! One ball and no brains. He can't even put a man's armor on him properly. NED: You're too fat for your armor. KING ROBERT: Fat? Fat, is it? Is that how you speak to your King? (King Robert and Ned Laugh. King Robert turns to Lancel who is grinning.)That was funny, is it? LANCEL: No, Your Grace. KING ROBERT: No? You don't like the Hand's joke? NED: You're torturing the poor boy. KING ROBERT: You heard the Hand. The King's too fat for his armor! Go find the breastplate stretcher -- now! NED: the breastplate stretcher? [Ned leaves] KING ROBERT: How long before he figures it out? NED: Maybe you should have one invented. KING ROBERT: All right, all right. But you watch me out there. I still know how to point a lance. NED: You have no business jousting. Leave that for the young men. KING ROBERT: Why? Because I'm king? Piss on that. I want to hit somebody! NED: And who's going to hit you back? KING ROBERT: Anybody who can. And the last man in his saddle ... will be you! NED: There's not a man in the Seven Kingdoms would risk hurting you. KING ROBERT: Are you telling me those cowards would let me win? NED: Aye. KING ROBERT: (pours Ned a drink and offers it to him) Drink. NED: I'm not thirsty. KING ROBERT: Drink. Your King commands it. Gods! Too fat for my armor. NED: Your squire ... a Lannister boy? KING ROBERT: hmm ... a bloody idiot ... but Cersei insisted. I have Jon Arryn to thank for her. "Cersei Lannister will make a good match", he told me. "You'll need her father on your side." I thought being King meant I could do whatever I wanted. Enough of this! Let's go watch 'em ride. At least I can smell someone else's blood. (The king rises and starts to leave the tent.) NED: Robert? KING ROBERT: What? (Looking down, King Robert sees his naked fat belly protruding from his jacket) (laughing) Oh! An inspiring sight for the people, eh? Come! Bow before your King! Bow, you sh1ts! [Cheering crowds line both sides of the jousting track as Ser Gregor Clegane (The Mountain) rides down the lane, stops in front of the King's stand, opens his helmet and bows. A tier down from the King's left, Ned is seated next to his daughter, Sansa Stark. Littlefinger (Petyr Baelish) sits directly behind them.] NED: Where's Arya SANSA: At her dancing lessons. (Sansa looks up the jousting track.) The Knight of the Flowers. (aka Ser Loras Tyrell, who rides up to Sansa and hands her a rose.) SANSA: Thank you, Ser Loras. [After nodding toward Sansa, Loras exchanges a secretive look with the King's brother, Renly Baratheon, who is seated higher up. Then he rides over and joins his opponent, Gregor in front of the King's stand. Gregor's horse becomes skittish and both men ride off in opposite directions toward the ends of the jousting track.] SANSA: (grabbing her father's arm) Don't let Ser Gregor hurt him. NED: Hey. SANSA: I can't watch. LITTLEFINGER: (turned around and speaking to Renly) 100 gold dragons on the Mountain. RENLY: I'll take that bet. LITTLEFINGER: Now what will I buy with 100 gold dragons? A dozen barrels of Dornish wine? Or a girl from the pleasure houses of Lys? RENLY: Or you could even buy a friend. SANSA: (to Ned) He's going to die. NED: Ser Loras rides well. [The trumpet sounds and both jousters ride toward one another. Loras' lance breaks upon Gregor's shield and knocks Gregor down to the ground. Renly jumps up laughing and clapping.] RENLY: Such a shame, Littlefinger. It would have been so nice for you to have a friend. LITTLEFINGER: And tell me, Lord Renly, when will you be having your friend? (indicating Loras) LITTLEFINGER: (now seated, leans forward, speaking to Ned) Loras knew his mare was in heat. Quite crafty, really. SANSA: Ser Loras would never do that! There's no honor in tricks. LITTLEFINGER: No honor but quite a bit of gold. [Gregor rises from the ground, rips off his helmet and shouts for his sword. Gregor grabs the sword from his squire and with one mighty stroke, severs his horse's head. Shocked, the crowd grows quiet. Then Gregor storms over to Loras, knocks him off of his horse and strikes with his sword. Loras' shield protects him from the blows. Sandor Clegane (The Hound) roars, "Leave him be!" Drawing his own sword, The Hound jumps down from the King's stand and engages his brother, Gregor in a sword fight.] KING ROBERT: (rising, shouts) Stop this madness in the name of your King! [The Hound drops to his knee and bows his head, while Gregor's blade slices the air where The Hound's head was just seconds ago. Gregor throws down his sword and stomps off through the crowd. Loras approaches Sandor the Hound.] LORAS: I owe you my life, Ser. SANDOR: I'm no Ser. [Loras grabs Sandor's left hand with his right and raises both in the air to the cheers of a standing ovation.] [Catelyn Stark, her men and her prisoner, Tyrion Lannister, take a rest stop along the way to The Vale. One of Stark's men roughly pulls a hooded and tied, Tyrion Lannister from his horse.] CATELYN: Remove his hood. [Stark's man yanks the hood off of Tyrion and pushes him along while, Marillion, a troubadour from The Riverlands, strums his flute and sings until Tyrion comes face-to-face with Catelyn.] MARILLION: (singing) On that eve, the captive Imp down-wards from his horse did limp, no more would he preen and primp, in garb of red and gold. TYRION: This isn't the Kings Road. You said we were riding for Winterfell. CATELYN: I did ... often and loudly. TYRION: Very wise. (Tyrion begins turning in circles, making sure to make eye contact as he speaks.) They'll be out in droves, looking for me in the wrong place. Word's probably gotten to my father by now. He'll be offering a handsome reward. Everyone knows a Lannister always pays his debts. Would you be so good as to untie me? CATELYN: And why would I do that? TYRION: Why not? Am I going to run? The hill tribes would kill me for my boots. Unless a Shadowcat ate me first. CATELYN: Shadowcats and hill tribes are the least of your concerns. TYRION: Ah ... the Eastern Road. We're going to The Vale. You're taking me to your sister's to answer for my imagined crimes. Tell me, Lady Stark. When was the last time you saw your sister? CATELYN: Five years ago. TYRION: She's changed. She was always a bit touched, but now ... you might as well kill me here. CATELYN: I am not a murderer, Lannister. TYRION: Neither am I! I had nothing to do with the attempt on your son's life! CATELYN: The dagger found TYRION: What sort of imbecile arms an assassin with his own blade? RODRIK: Should I gag him? TYRION: Why? Am I starting to make sense? [Suddenly, a shot rings out and one of Stark's men falls to the ground. Men, brandishes axes, swords and slinging rocks, swoop in on them from all sides. Rodrik grabs Catelyn and guides her to a safer spot.] RODRIK: My Lady, this way. [Tyrion watches the small intense battle as throats are slit and heads bashed in. He sees Catelyn pull out a small dagger and rushes over to her.] TYRION: Untie me. If I die, what's the point? [Catelyn cuts Tyrion's bonds. He looks around and makes a dash for a shield. Tyrion grabs the shield and holds it up just in time to avoid a well-aimed rock. He looks back toward Catelyn and sees she's under attack. One of her men rushes to save her, but he is felled by the attacker. Tyrion runs over and batters the attacker with the shield. Once the attacker is down, Tyrion repeatedly drives the shield's edge into the man's face and neck, killing him and saving Catelyn. The fight ends; many are dead. Catelyn stumbles over to Winterfell's Master-at-Arms.] CATELYN: Rodrik? RODRIK: I'll be fine, My Lady. There's no need to bloody yourself. [Bronn sheaths his sword and walks over to Tyrion.] BRONN: Your first? (Tyrion nods.) You need a woman. Nothing like a woman after a fight. TYRION: (looking at Catelyn) Well, I'm willing if she is. [Winterfell - Theon Greyjoy is practicing his archery skills. Bran Stark and Maester Luwin are seated at a table behind Theon. Bran is supposed to be studying but he can't keep his eyes off Theon's target practice.] LUWIN: Bran ... (Maester Luwin taps a pointer on a map of Westeros.) BRAN: The Iron Islands. Sigil -- a Kraken. Words -- "We do not sow". LUWIN: Lords? BRAN: The Greyjoys. THEON: (turns to face Bran) Famed for their skills at archery, navigation and lovemaking. LUWIN: And failed rebellions. (Maester Luwin taps again.) BRAN: Sigil -- a stag. -- a crowned stag now that Robert's King. LUWIN: Good. BRAN: Words -- "Ours is the fury". Lords -- the Baratheons. LUWIN: mm - hmm. BRAN: The Westerlands -- sigil -- a lion. LUWIN: hmm .. BRAN: Words -- "A Lannister always pays his debts." LUWIN: No. A common saying, but not their official motto. BRAN: Lords -- the Lannisters. LUWIN: We're still on their words. BRAN: I don't know them. LUWIN: You do know them. Think. BRAN: "Unbowed, unbent, unbroken". LUWIN: That's House Martell. BRAN: "Righteous in wrath". LUWIN: House Hornwood. BRAN: "Family, duty, honor". LUWIN: Those are Tully words ... your mother's. Are we playing a game? BRAN: "Family, duty, honor" ... is that the right order? LUWIN: You know it is. BRAN: Family comes first? LUWIN: Your mother had to leave Winterfell to protect the family. BRAN: How can she protect the family, if she's not with her family? LUWIN: Your mother sat by your bed for three weeks while you slept. BRAN: And then she left! LUWIN: When you were born, I was the one who pulled you from your mother. I placed you in her arms. From that moment until the moment she dies, she will love you. Absolutely. Fiercely. BRAN: Why did she leave? LUWIN: I still can't tell you, but she will be home soon. BRAN: Do you know where she is now? Today? LUWIN: No, I don't. BRAN: Then how can you promise me she'll be home soon? LUWIN: Sometimes I worry you're too smart for your own good. BRAN: I'll never shoot another arrow. LUWIN: And where is that written? BRAN: You need legs to work a bow. LUWIN: hmm ... If the saddle Lord Tyrion designed actually works, you could learn to shoot a bow from horseback. BRAN: Really? LUWIN: Dothraki boys learn when they're four years old. Why shouldn't you? [Winterfell - Theon Greyjoy's quarters. Theon and Ros (Theon's favorite local whore) are at the end of having sx.] THEON: Shh ... Keep it down. You're not supposed to be inside the castle walls. [Theon moves away and Ros walks over a dresser and sits in front of the mirror.] ROS: I thought you were supposed to be an important person around here. THEON: Important enough for the likes of you. ROS: You're not the only nobleman in my life, you know. THEON: Who? the Imp? I'd call him half a nobleman. ROS: Jealous? THEON: Why should I be jealous? [Theon walks over and stands directly behind Ros.] THEON: Anyone with a few coppers in his pocket can own you for the night. What's a dwarf like down below? I've always wondered. ROS: Might surprise you. THEON: hmm? ROS: He's good with his fingers too. And his tongue. THEON: (grabs the necklace around Ros's neck) Generous tipper. I guess gold is cheap for a Lannister. ROS: You are jealous. THEON: I'm a Greyjoy. We've been Lords of the Iron Islands for 300 years. There's not a family in Westeros that can look down on us, not even the Lannisters. [King's Landing -- Arya Stark chases a cat along the castle hallways.] ARYA: Come on. I'm not gonna hurt you. [King's Landing -- Chambers of the Hand of the King -- Ned Stark is seated at his desk and listens to Lord Varys as he walks around securing the windows and doors before sitting down for a private conversation.] VAYRS: How is your son, My Lord? NED: He'll never walk again. VAYRS: But his mind is sound? NED: So they say. VAYRS: A blessing then. I suffered an early mutilation myself. Some doors close forever ... others open in the most unexpected places. May I? (Varys indicates a chair and with a nod from Ned, sits down.) VAYRS: If the wrong ears heard what I'm about to tell you, off comes my head. And who would mourn poor Varys then? North or South, they sing no songs for spiders. But there are things you must know. You are the King's Hand and the King is a fool ... your friend, I know, but a fool ... and doomed unless you save him. NED: I've been in the capital a month. Why have you waited so long to tell me this? VAYRS: I didn't trust you. NED: So why do you trust me now? VAYRS: The Queen is not the only one who has been watching you closely. There are few men of honor in the capital. You are one of them. I would like to believe I am another, strange as that may seem. NED: What sort of doom does the King face? VAYRS: The same sort as Jon Arryn. The tears of Lys, they call it. A rare and costly thing, as clear and tasteless as water. It leaves no trace. [Ned quickly rises, turns his back to Varys and walks over to the open-air entrance to the balcony.] NED: Who gave it to him? VAYRS: Some dear friend, no doubt. But which one? There were many. Lord Arryn was a kind and trusting man. There was one boy ... all he was he owed to Jon Arryn. NED: (turning to look at Vayrs) The squire, Ser Hugh? VAYRS: Pity what happened to him, just when his life seemed to be going so nicely. NED: If Ser Hugh poisoned him, who paid Ser Hugh? VAYRS: Someone who could afford it. [Ned walks back to his desk and places his hands on the chair back.] NED: Jon was a man of peace. He was Hand for 17 years -- 17 good years. Why kill him? VAYRS: He started asking questions. [King's Landing -- Arya Stark chases the cat through the dungeons of the Red Keep. She stops suddenly and stares at a statue of a huge dragon's skull. As she explores, she hears two men approach. Quickly, she hides within the dragon's open jaws and listens. The men are Lord Varys and Magister Illyrio Mopatis.] VAYRS: He's found one bstrd already. He has the book. The rest will come. ILLYRIO: And when he knows the truth, what will he do? VAYRS: The gods alone know. The fools tried to kill his son. What's worse -- they botched it. (Varys closes and locks the corridor gate.) The wolf and the lion will be at each other's throats. We will be at war soon, my friend. ILLYRIO: What good is war now? We're not ready. If one Hand can die, why not a second? VAYRS: This Hand is not the other. ILLYRIO: We need time. Khal Drogo will not make his move until his son is born. You know how these savages are. VAYRS: "Delay," you say. "Move fast, " I reply. This is no longer a game for two players. ILLYRIO: It never was. [Arya watches as the men leave. She emerges from the dragon's jaws and runs to the gate, only to find it locked. She runs off in another direction.] [King's Landing -- The Throne Room -- Littlefinger stands staring up at the Iron Throne when Lord Varys enters the room.] VAYRS: The first to arrive and the last to leave. I admire your industry. LITTLEFINGER: You do move quietly. VAYRS: We all have our qualities. LITTLEFINGER: You look a bit lonely today. You should pay a visit to my brothel this evening. First boy is on the house. VAYRS: I think you're mistaking business with pleasure. LITTLEFINGER: Am I? All those birds that whisper in your ear ... such pretty little things. Trust me, we accommodate all inclinations. VAYRS: Oh, I'm sure. Lord Redwyne likes his boys very young, I hear. LITTLEFINGER: I'm a purveyor of beauty and discretion -- both equally important. VAYRS: Though I suppose beauty is a subjective quality, no? Is it true that Ser Marlon of Tumblestone prefers amputees? LITTLEFINGER: All desires are valid to a man with a full purse. VAYRS: And I heard the most awful rumor about a certain lord with a taste for fresh cadavers. Must be enormously difficult to accommodate that inclination. The logistics alone ... to find beautiful corpses before they rot. LITTLEFINGER: Strictly speaking, such a thing would not be in accordance with the King's laws. VAYRS: Strictly speaking. LITTLEFINGER: Tell me. Does someone, somewhere, keep your balls in a little box? I've often wondered. VAYRS: Do you know, I have no idea where they are? And we had been so close. But enough about me. How have you been since we last saw each other? LITTLEFINGER: Since you last saw me or since I last saw you? VAYRS: Now the last time I saw you, you were talking to the Hand of the King. LITTLEFINGER: Saw me with your own eyes? VAYRS: Eyes I own. LITTLEFINGER: Council business. We all have so much to discuss with Ned Stark. VAYRS: Everyone's well aware of your enduring fondness for Lord Stark's wife. If the Lannisters were behind the attempt on the Stark boy's life and it was discovered that you helped the Starks come to that conclusion ... To think a simple word to the Queen ... LITTLEFINGER: One shudders at the thought. VAYRS: Ooh. (shudders) LITTLEFINGER: But you know something? I do believe that I have seen you even more recently than you have seen me. VAYRS: Have you? LITTLEFINGER: Yes. Earlier today, I distinctly recall seeing you talking to Lord Stark in his chambers. VAYRS: Was that you under the bed? LITTLEFINGER: And not long after that when I saw you escorting a certain foreign dignitary ... Council business? Of course you would have friends from across The Narrow Sea. You're from there yourself, after all. We're friends, aren't we, Lord Varys? I'd like to think we are. So you can imagine my burden, wondering if the King might question my friend's sympathies -- to stand at a crossroads where turning left means loyalty to a friend, turning right -- loyalty to the realm. VAYRS: Oh, please. LITTLEFINGER: To find myself in a position where a simple word to the King -- [Renly Baratheon, brother to King Robert, barges into the throne room, and speaks as he cuts across the room to another doorway on the other side.] RENLY: What are you two conspiring about? Well, whatever it is, you'd best hurry up. My brother is coming. (exits) LITTLEFINGER: To a small council meeting? VAYRS: Disturbing news from far away. Haven't you heard? [King's Landing --Arya emerges from a tunnel outside the castle walls. She makes her way to the entrance of the castle, but is stopped by two guards.] GUARD1: Off with you. No begging. ARYA: I'm not a beggar. I live here. GUARD1: D'you want a smack on your ear to help you with your hearing? ARYA: I want to see my father. GUARD2: I want to fck the Queen, for all the good it does me. GUARD1: You want your father, boy? He's lying on the floor of some tavern, getting pissed on by his friends. ARYA: My father is Hand of the King! I'm not a boy. I'm Arya Stark of Winterfell and if you lay a hand on me, my father will have both your heads on spikes! Now are you going to let me by or do I need to smack you on the ear to help with your hearing? [King's Landing -- Hand of the King (Ned Stark) Chambers] NED: You know I had half my guard out searching for you? You promised me this would stop. ARYA: They said they were going to kill you. NED: Who did? ARYA: I didn't see them, but I think one was fat. NED: Oh, Arya. ARYA: I'm not lying! They said you found the bstrd and the wolves are fighting the lions and the savage ... something about the savage. NED: Where did you hear this? ARYA: In the dungeons, near the dragon skulls. NED: What were you doing in the dungeons? ARYA: Chasing a cat. JORY: (guard knocks, then enters) Pardon, My Lord. There's a Night's Watchman here begging a word. He says it's urgent. (Ned nods, the visitor enters.) NED: Your name, friend? YOREN: Yoren, if it please. This must be your son. He has the look. ARYA: I'm a girl! NED: Did Benjen send you? YOREN: No one sent me, My Lord. I'm here to find men for The Wall, see if there's any scum in the dungeons that might be fit for service. NED: Ah, we'll find recruits for you. YOREN: Thank you, My Lord. But that's not why I disturb you now. Your brother, Benjen ... his blood runs black -- makes him as much my brother as yours. It's for his sake I rode here so hard I damn near killed my horse! There are others riding too. The whole city will know by tomorrow. NED: Know what? YOREN: Best said in private, My Lord. NED: (kisses Arya on the head) Go on. We'll talk more later. NED: Jory, take her safely to her room. JORY: Come along, My Lady. You heard your father. [Jory and Arya exit the chambers and walk down the hall] ARYA: How many guards does my father have? JORY: Here in King's Landing? Fifty. ARYA: You wouldn't let anyone kill him, would you? JORY: No fear on that count, little Lady. [The Hand of the King's Chambers with door closed.] NED: Well? YOREN: It's about your wife, My Lord. She's taken the Imp. [SCENE_BREAK] [The Vale -- A short distance from The Eyrie, Catelyn Stark's party is met by a group of armed guards from The Vale.] VARDIS: You're far from home, Lady Stark. CATELYN: To whom do I speak? VARDIS: Ser Vardis Egan, Knight of The Vale. Is Lady Arryn expecting your visit? CATELYN: There was no time to send word. VARDIS: May I ask, My Lady, why he is with you? CATELYN: That's why there was no time. He is my prisoner. VARDIS: He doesn't look like a prisoner. CATELYN: My sister will decide what he looks like. VARDIS: Yes, My Lady. She will at that. [The Eyrie guards turn and head back to the castle. Catelyn Stark's party follows their escorts.] TYRION: The Eyrie. They say it's impregnable. BRONN: Give me 10 good men and some climbing spikes ... I'll impregnate the bitch. TYRION: I like you. [King's Landing -- Castle Courtyard -- The Royal Steward hails Ned Stark as he strides purposefully along a walk.] STEWARD: Lord Stark, your presence has been requested in the small council chamber. A meeting has been called. NED: I need to see the King first -- alone. STEWARD: The King is at the small council meeting, My Lord. He has summoned you. NED: Is it about my wife? STEWARD: No, My Lord. I believe it concerns Daenerys Targaryen. [King's Landing -- The Small Council Chamber -- present are: Ned Stark (who is standing and facing the others seated at the table), King Robert Baratheon, Renly Baratheon, Littlefinger, Lord Varys, Grand Maester Pycelle.] KING ROBERT: The whore is pregnant. NED: You're speaking of murdering a child. KING ROBERT: I warned you this would happen. Back in the North, I warned you, but you didn't care to hear. Well, hear it now. I want 'em dead, mother and child both -- and that fool, Viserys as well. Is that plain enough for you? I want them both dead. NED: you will dishonor yourself forever if you do this. KING ROBERT: Honor?! I've got Seven Kingdoms to rule! One King, Seven Kingdoms. Do you think honor keeps them in line? Do you think it's honor that's keeping the peace? It's fear -- fear and blood. NED: Then we're no better than the Mad King. KING ROBERT: Careful, Ned. Careful now. NED: You want to assassinate a girl ... because the Spider heard a rumor? VARYS: No rumor, My Lord. The princess is with child. NED: Based on whose information? VARYS: Ser Jorah Mormont. He is serving as adviser to the Targaryens. NED: Mormont? You bring us the whispers of a traitor half a world away and call it fact? LITTLEFINGER: Jorah Mormont's a slaver, not a traitor. Small difference, I know, to an honorable man. NED: He broke the law, betrayed his family, fled our land. We commit murder on the word of this man? KING ROBERT: And if he's right? If she has a son? A Targaryen at the head of a Dothraki army ...What then? NED: The Narrow Sea still lies between us. I'll fear the Dothraki the day they teach their horses to run on water. KING ROBERT: Do nothing? That's your wise advice? Do nothing till our enemies are on our shores? You're my council. Counsel! Speak sense to this honorable fool. VARYS: I understand your misgivings, My Lord. Truly, I do. It is a terrible thing we must consider, a vile thing. Yet, we who presume to rule must sometimes do vile things for the good of the realm. Should the gods grant Daenerys a son, the realm will bleed. PYCELLE: I bear this girl no ill will, but should the Dothraki invade, how many innocents will die? How many towns will burn? Is it not wiser, kinder even, that she should die now so that tens of thousands might live? RENLY: We should have had them both killed years ago. LITTLEFINGER: When you find yourself in bed with an ugly woman, best close your eyes, get it over with. Cut her throat. Be done with it. NED: I followed you into war -- twice -- without doubts, without second thoughts. But I will not follow you now. The Robert I grew up with didn't tremble at the shadow of an unborn child. KING ROBERT: She dies. NED: I will have no part in it. KING ROBERT: You're the King's Hand, Lord Stark. You'll do as I command or I'll find me a hand who will. [Ned removes the pin signifying his position as Hand of the King and tosses it onto the table in front of King Robert.] NED: And good luck to him. I thought you were a better man. KING ROBERT: Out! Out, damn you! I'm done with you. (Ned gives King Robert a slight nod, then turns and leaves.) Go! Run back to Winterfell! I'll have your head on a spike! I'll put it there myself, you fool! You think you're too good for this? Too proud and honorable? This is a war! [King's Landing -- Ned Stark's chambers. Ned is quickly packing his belongings when Jory enters his room.] NED: I'll go ahead with my daughters. Get them ready. Do it yourself. Don't ask anyone for help. JORY: Right away, My Lord. Lord Baelish (Littlefinger) is here for you. LITTLEFINGER: His Grace went on about you at some length after you took your leave. The word "treason" was mentioned. NED: What can I do for you? LITTLEFINGER: When do you return to Winterfell? NED: Why? What do you care? LITTLEFINGER: If you're still here come nightfall, I'll take you to see the last person Jon Arryn spoke with before falling ill. If that sort of thing still interests you. NED: I don't have the time. LITTLEFINGER: It won't take more than an hour. But as you please. [Littlefinger turns and walks out into the hall, but he doesn't get very far before Ned grabs his sword and gives Jory some last orders before joining him.] NED: Round up all the men we have and station them outside the girls' chambers. Who are your best two swords? JORY: Heward and Wyl. NED: Find them and meet me at the stables. [The Eyrie -- The Throne Room -- Lysa Arryn, Catelyn's sister and widow to Jon Arryn, sits high upon her throne. Her son 7 year old son, Robin, still breast feeding, sits on her lap. Catelyn Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Ser Vardis Egan of the Vale and several guards stand in the hall, looking up at Lysa.] LYSA: You bring him here without permission? You pollute my home with his presence? (To Robin) Your aunt has done a bad thing, Robin, a very bad thing. You remember her, don't you? (to Catelyn) Isn't he beautiful? And strong too. Jon knew it. His last words were, "the seed is strong." He wanted everyone to know what a good, strong boy his son would grow up to be. Look at him, the Lord of all the Vale. CATELYN: Lysa, you wrote me about the Lannisters -- warning me t- LYSA: To stay away from them! Not to bring one here! ROBIN: Mommy? Is that the bad man? LYSA: It tis. ROBIN: He's little. LYSA: He's Tyrion the Imp of house Lannister. He killed your father. He murdered the Hand of the King! TYRION: Oh? Did I kill him too? I've been a very busy man. LYSA: You will watch your tongue! These men are knights of the Vale. Every one of the loved John Arryn. Every one of them would die for me. TYRION: If any harm comes to me, my brother, Jaime, will see that they do. ROBIN: (jumping up and shouting) You can't hurt us! No one can hurt us here! Tell him, mommy! Tell him! LYSA: Shh ... Shh ... Shh, my sweet boy. (Robin sits back down on his mother's lap.) He's just trying to frighten us. Lannisters are all liars. No one will hurt my baby. ROBIN: Mommy ... I want to see the bad man fly. LYSA: Perhaps you will, my little love. CATELYN: This man is my prisoner. I will not have him harmed. LYSA: Ser Vardis, my sister's guest is weary. Take him down below so he can rest. Introduce him to Mord. ["Down below", Mord throws Tyrion into his cell] MORD: (laughing) You go sleep, dwarf man. Sleep good, little dwarf. man! [Tyrion surveys his three-walled cell. Open sky greets him where the fourth wall should be. The floor slants toward the opening. Tyrion carefully walks over to the edge and looks down at the ground -- far -- far -- far below.] [King's Landing -- Renly Baratheon's Chambers. Renly is seated in a chair and Ser Loras Tyrell (Knight of the Flowers) is kneeling beside him, preparing to shave Renly's chest.] LORAS: Lord Stark's lucky he still has a head. RENLY: Robert will rant for a few days, but he won't do anything. He adores the man. LORAS: You're jealous. RENLY: Are you sure this won't hurt? LORAS: Only if I slip. RENLY: And you prefer me like this? LORAS: hm - mmm... RENLY: If you want hairless, maybe you should find a little boy. LORAS: I want you. RENLY: My brother thinks that anyone who hasn't been to war isn't a man. He treats me as if I'm a spoiled child. Oh, and you're not? Loras Tyrell, the Knight of the Flowers? How many wars have you fought in? Oh, and how much did your father spend on that armor of yours? LORAS: Hold still. RENLY: All I ever hear from Robert and Stannis is how I'm not tough enough, how I squirm at the sight of blood. LORAS: You did vomit when that boy's eye was knocked out in the mêlée. RENLY: His eye was dangling out of the damn socket! LORAS: He shouldn't have entered the mêlée if he didn't know how to fight. RENLY: Easy for you to say. Not everyone is such a gifted swordsman. LORAS: It's not a gift. No one gave it to me. I'm good because I work at it -- every day of my life since I could hold a stick. RENLY: I could work at fighting all day, every day, and still never be as good as you. LORAS: Yes well, I guess we'll never know. [Loras wipes Renly's chest off and then raises Renly's arm to shave underneath it.] RENLY: Everywhere? LORAS: Everywhere. So how did it end up? The Targaryen girl will die? RENLY: It needs to be done, unpleasant as it is. Robert's rather tasteless about it. Every time he talks about killing her, I swear the table rises six inches. LORAS: It's a shame he can't muster the same enthusiasm for his wife. RENLY: He does have a deep, abiding lust for her money. You have to give it to the Lannisters -- they may be the most pompous, ponderous c*ts the gods ever suffered to walk the world, but they do have outrageous amounts of money. LORAS: I have an outrageous amount of money. RENLY: Not as much as the Lannisters. LORAS: But a lot more than you. RENLY: Robert's threatening to take me hunting with him. Last time we were out there for two weeks -- tramping through the trees in the rain, day after day. All so he can stick his spear into something's flesh! Oh. but Robert loves his killing. And he's the King. LORAS: hmm ... How did that ever happen? RENLY: Because he loves his killing and he used to be good at it. LORAS: Do you know who should be King? (Both men exchange looks.) RENLY: Be serious. LORAS: I am. My father could be your bank. I've never fought in a war before, but I'd fight for you. RENLY: I'm fourth in line. LORAS: And where was Robert in the line of royal succession? Joffrey is a monster. Tommen is eight. RENLY: Stannis? LORAS: Stannis has the personality of a lobster. RENLY: He's still my older brother. [Loras slices a small cut in Renly's side.] RENLY: What are you doing?! LORAS: Look at it. RENLY: You cut me! LORAS: It's just blood. We've all got it in us. Sometimes a little spills. If you become King, you're going to see a lot of this. You need to get used to it. Go on. Look. People love you. They love to serve you because you're kind to them. They want to be near you. [Loras rises and taking Renly by the hand, has him stand up as well.] LORAS: You're willing to do what needs to be done, but you don't gloat over it. You don't love killing. Where is it written that power is the sole province of the worst? That thrones are only made for the hated and the feared. You would be a wonderful King. [Loras kneels down in front of Renly, unfastens Renly's pants and slides them down. After a moment, Renly smiles with pleasure.] [King's Landing -- King Robert's Chambers -- King Robert is seated at his desk, staring pensively at the drink in his hand when Cersei Baratheon enters.] CERSEI: I'm sorry your marriage to Ned Stark didn't work out. You seemed so good together. KING ROBERT: I'm glad I could do something to make you happy. CERSEI: Without a Hand, everything will fall to pieces. KING ROBERT: I suppose this is where you tell me to give the job to your brother Jaime. CERSEI: No. He's not serious enough. I'll say this for Ned Stark -- he's serious enough. Was it really worth it? Losing him this way? KING ROBERT: I don't know. But I do know this -- If the Targaryen girl convinces her horse-lord husband to invade and the Dothraki horde crosses The Narrow Sea ... we won't be able to stop them. CERSEI: The Dothraki don't sail. Every child knows that. They don't have discipline. They don't have armor. They don't have siege weapons. KING ROBERT: It's a neat little trick you do -- you move your lips and your father's voice comes out. CERSEI: Is my father wrong? KING ROBERT: Let's say Viserys Targaryen lands with forty thousand Dothraki screamers at his back. We hole up in our castles -- a wise move. Only a fool would meet the Dothraki in an open field. They leave us in our castles. They go from town to town, looting and burning, killing every man who can't hide behind a stone wall, stealing all our crops and livestock, enslaving all our women and children. How long do the people of the Seven Kingdoms stand behind their absentee King -- their cowardly King hiding behind high walls? When do the people decide that Viserys Targaryen is the rightful monarch after all. CERSEI: We still outnumber them. KING ROBERT: Which is the bigger number -- five or one? CERSEI: Five. KING ROBERT: (holds both hands up in illustration) Five ... one. One army, a real army, united behind one leader with one purpose. Our purpose died with the Mad King. Now we've got as many armies as there are men with gold in their purse. And everybody wants something different. Your father wants to own the world. Ned Stark wants to run away and bury his head in the snow. CERSEI: What do you want? KING ROBERT: We haven't had a real fight in nine years. Back-stabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight. And that's all the realm is now -- back-stabbing and scheming and arse-licking and money-grubbing. Sometimes I don't know what holds it together. CERSEI: Our marriage. [King Robert develops a hearty laugh as Cersei starts laughing as well.] KING ROBERT: Ah, so here we sit, seventeen years later, holding it all together. Don't you get tired? CERSEI: Every day. KING ROBERT: How long can hate hold a thing together? CERSEI: Well, seventeen years is quite a long time. KING ROBERT: Yes, it is. CERSEI: Yes, it tis. What was she like? KING ROBERT: You've never asked about her, not once. Why not? CERSEI: At first, just saying her name, even in private felt like I was breathing life back into her. I thought if I didn't talk about her, she'd just fade away for you. When I realized that wasn't going to happen, I refused to ask out of spite. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of thinking I cared enough to ask. And eventually it became clear that my spite didn't mean anything to you, as far as I could tell, you actually enjoyed it. KING ROBERT: So why now? CERSEI: What harm could Lyanna Stark's ghost do to either of us that we haven't done to each other a hundred times over? KING ROBERT: You want to know the horrible truth? I can't even remember what she looked like. I only know she was the one thing I ever wanted ... Someone took her away from me, and Seven Kingdoms couldn't fill the hole she left behind. CERSEI: I felt something for you once, you know? KING ROBERT: I know. CERSEI: Even after we lost our first boy -- for quite a while, actually. Was it ever possible for us? Was there ever a time, ever a ... moment? KING ROBERT: No. Does that make you feel better or worse? CERSEI: It doesn't make me feel anything. [King's Landing -- Littlefinger's Brothel -- Ned Stark is in a room with Mhaegen, a prostitute and mother of King Robert's illegitimate daughter, who she is holding. In an adjoining room, separated by a curtain of metal hoops, Littlefinger reclines on a sofa between two of his whores. Jory Cassel, Captain of Winterfell's Guard, stands opposite the sofa, next to the curtained doorway.] MHAEGEN: She looks like him, don't she, My Lord? She has his nose, his black hair. NED: Aye. MHAEGEN: Tell him when you see him, My Lord. If it please you ... tell him how beautiful she is. NED: I will. MHAEGEN: And tell him I've been with no one else. I swear it, My Lord, by the old gods and new. I don't want no jewels or nothing, just him. The King was always good to me. NED: When Jon Arryn came to visit you, what did he want? MHAEGEN: He wasn't that sort of man, My Lord. He just wanted to know if the child was happy ... healthy. NED: She looks healthy enough to me. The girl shall want for nothing. [Ned leaves the room through the curtain and joins Littlefinger in the adjoining room.] LITTLEFINGER: Brothels make a much better investment than ship, I've found. Whores rarely sink. NED: What do you know of King Robert's bastards? LITTLEFINGER: Well, he has more than you, for a start. NED: How many? LITTLEFINGER: Does it matter? If you fck enough women, some of them will give you presents. NED: And Jon Arryn tracked them all down. Why? LITTLEFINGER: He was the King's Hand. Perhaps Robert wanted them looked after. He was overcome with fatherly love. NED: (preparing to take his leave - to Jory) Come. [Jory remains transfixed, staring at the whores on the couch as one of them bares her breasts.] NED: Jory! JORY: (startled out of his trance) My Lord. [Ned and Jory exit the brothel and are joined by a handful of the Stark guard. They are swiftly surrounded by Jaime Lannister's armed guard. Jaime Lannister rides up on horseback to the head of the guard and faces Ned Stark] JAIME: Such a small pack of wolves. JORY: Stay back, Ser! This is the Hand of the King! JAIME: Was! ... the Hand of the King. Now I'm not sure what he is ... Lord of somewhere very far away. LITTLEFINGER: (exiting the brothel) What's the meaning of this, Lannister? JAIME: Get back inside where it's safe. I'm looking for my brother. You remember my brother, don't you, Lord Stark? Blond hair, sharp tongue, short man. NED: I remember him well. JAIME: It seems he had some trouble on the road. You wouldn't know what happened to him, would you? NED: He was taken at my command to answer for his crimes. [Jaime draws his sword as his men start to move forward. They are stopped when Littlefinger steps up.] LITTLEFINGER: My Lords! I'll bring the City Watch! (exits) JAIME: Come, Stark. I'd rather you die sword in hand. JORY: If you threaten My Lord again -- JAIME: Threaten? As in, "I'm going to open your Lord from balls to brains and see what Starks are made of"? NED: You kill me, your brother's a dead man. JAIME: You're right. (to his men) Take him alive! Kill his men! [A short but fierce fight breaks out between the men. Outnumbered, Stark's men are felled one by one, ending with Jaime driving a dagger into Jory's eye. Ned Stark takes on Jaime while all remaining watch. Their sword fight is brought to an abrupt end when one of Jaime's guards spears the back of Ned's leg, bringing him to his knees. Angry, Jaime approaches the offending guard and knocks him out with one hard blow from the blunt end of his sword. Jaime mounts his horse and addresses Ned Stark.] JAIME: My brother, Lord Stark ... we want him back. [Jaime Lannister rides away as Ned Stark falls to his back on the ground.]	Plan: A: King Robert's eunuch spy; Q: Who is Varys? A: Robert; Q: Whose plan to assasinate Daenerys Targaryen does Ned reject? A: Daenerys Targaryen; Q: Who is pregnant? A: protest; Q: Why did Ned resign as Robert's Hand? A: Catelyn; Q: Who is the prisoner of Tyrion? A: her sister; Q: Who is Lysa Arryn? A: the Eyrie; Q: Where is Lysa Arryn's fortress home? A: News; Q: What reaches King's Landing about Tyrion's capture? A: the Queen's twin brother; Q: Who is Jaime Lannister? A: answers; Q: What does Jaime Lannister demand from Ned? A: Ned's men; Q: Who did Jaime Lannister order killed? A: Jaime's man; Q: Who stabs Ned in the leg? A: the leg; Q: Where was Ned wounded? Summary: King Robert's eunuch spy, Varys, has uncovered that Daenerys Targaryen is pregnant. Ned rejects Robert's plan to assassinate her, considering Daenerys a non-threat. He resigns in protest as Robert's Hand, angering the king. Catelyn and her prisoner, Tyrion, arrive at her sister Lysa Arryn's fortress home in the Eyrie. News of Tyrion's capture reaches King's Landing where Jaime Lannister, the Queen's twin brother, demands answers from Ned. A vengeful Jaime orders Ned's men killed and fights Ned until Jaime's man stabs Ned in the leg from behind, leaving him wounded.
Skyline: a heavy construction crane lifts a load above the skyscrapers. ACT ONE Scene One - Café Nervosa [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier is sitting at table reading the newspaper when Roz comes in. Roz: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: Oh hi, Roz. Roz: Oh, checking out the personal ads, huh? Frasier: Actually, I'm looking at the want ads. I'm trying to find a housekeeper. Now that Daphne is Niles's girlfriend, it doesn't feel right to ask her to pick up after me anymore, so- Roz: Mmm. Frasier: Awfully difficult finding someone, though. Roz: It's hard getting what you want these days, isn't it? Frasier: [a little wary] Indeed. Roz: But you can still find convenience and value, if you know where to look- Frasier: Dear God, what are you selling? Roz: [produces a sample book of] Wrapping paper! It's a fundraiser for Alice's school. Frasier: Well, at least it's a worthy cause. Roz: Yeah. Frasier: All right, let's have a look. [looks] Oh, that one's too garish... eh, don't like this one, either... ooh, I'm certainly not crazy about bunnies... Roz: Oh, give me that! [takes the book] You're getting five rolls of "Peace on Earth" and thanks for your support! She leaves. Niles comes in and goes to the counter. Niles: Machiatto... make it a doup-iato. Frasier: Niles! Niles please, whatever's wrong, the answer doesn't lie at the bottom of an espresso cup. He pulls Niles over to his table. They sit. Niles: It's Mel again. Frasier: Oh, lord. Still making you humiliate yourself at social functions while she plays the long-suffering wife? Niles: I'm afraid so. But she said a couple more weeks, and I'll have my divorce. Frasier: She said that two weeks ago! What was it this time? Niles: Well, we attended Colonel Turner's very large, very High Episcopalian funeral, during the course of which my cell phone rang repeatedly. I was not allowed to answer it, and Mel had set the ringer on "La Cucaracha." Frasier: Oh Niles, I'm so sorry. Niles: Oh, it's all right. Frasier: No, I called you twice. Niles: Well, I ruined quite a sendoff, with an honor guard, the colonel's butler seating people, two archbishops- Frasier: Excuse me, did you just say "butler?" Niles: Oh yes, I know, an-an honest-to-goodness English butler. The colonel was a bit of an anachronism. Frasier: Ah, yes. That's amusing. [they chuckle] I suppose this butler saw to the colonel's every need. Niles: Oh, oh - clipped his cigars, poured his scotch... Frasier: Laid out his clothes for him, and served him his meals... Inspiration hits them together. They stop talking and grab for their cell phones. Niles: I saw him first! Frasier: You've had a gardener and a maid! Niles: Yes, but never a butler! Frasier: But it's my turn! Niles: But it's my dream! Frasier: Daphne won't have to clean anymore! Niles smiles and folds his phone away. Niles: I tip my cap, sir. Frasier smiles and dials his phone. And we: [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Apartment - Morning [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier is asleep in his bedroom, with a mask over his eyes. Ferguson, an English butler of about fifty, comes into the room with a serving tray and opens the curtains, letting light in. He then takes a bottle of cologne and squirts a fine puff over Frasier's head. As it settles on his face, Frasier wakes up. Frasier: Ah, Ferguson. Is it morning already? Ferguson: Indeed, sir. I trust you slept well? Frasier: Best sleep I've had in years. Ferguson: Excellent. Your coffee, sir. Frasier: [takes it] Thank you. To think I was skeptical when you said these pillows could be better arranged. Ferguson: Yes, preparing a suitable sleeping environment is one of the first tasks I learned at my father's knee. Frasier: Oh, your father also "butled?" Ferguson: Oh yes, sir. Even my father's father was a gentleman's gentleman. Frasier: [laughs] Oh, that's a good one, Ferguson. Ferguson: Thank you, sir, it's one of my staples. Will it be breakfast en suite today, sir? Frasier: No, I believe I'll join the rest of the household. Ferguson: Very good, sir. He helps Frasier into his bathrobe. Frasier: Thank you, Ferguson. Ah, you spoil me. Keep it up. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Living Room: Daphne and Martin are eating breakfast in their bathrobes. The table is now covered by a fine lace cloth and set with elegant silverware. Frasier comes out. Frasier: Morning, Dad, Daphne. Martin/Daphne: Fras./Morning. Martin: Where's Lord Weirdo? Frasier: Dad, his name is Ferguson. As Ferguson comes out, the phone rings. Frasier lets Ferguson answer. Ferguson: Good morning, Dr. Crane's residence. Oh, good morning, Dr. Crane. Oh, thank you, sir, your phone manner is also delightful. [gives it to Daphne] It's Dr. Crane for you, miss. Daphne: Oh, thank you. [gets up; into phone] Hello, Niles. Oh, yes! She goes to the kitchen. Frasier opens the newspaper. Frasier: Dear God! Martin: What's wrong? Frasier: That politicking Alan Murchie has just been elected president of the opera board! Martin: Yeah, I'll never forget where I was when I heard the news. Frasier: This pinhead is president, I can't even get on the board! Ferguson: And what will you be sending to congratulate Mr. Murchie, sir? Frasier: Curses and epithets is all he'll get from me! Ferguson: Quite right. However, a well-chosen gift might draw the eye of Mr. Murchie as he considers a replacement for his now- vacant seat on the board. Martin gives Frasier a "not bad" look. Frasier: Well, if it'll make you happy, Ferguson, let's send him a bottle of Chateau Belle Veux. Ferguson: If I may, sir, I'm overheard Mr. Murchie speak fondly of the family villa in Umbria. He may consider a wine from that region especially thoughtful. Martin gives Frasier another look. Frasier: It's a little on the nose, but fine. Reset to Kitchen: Ferguson comes in to put breakfast away just as Daphne is finishing. Daphne: I love you, too. Bye. [hangs up] Ferguson: Manchester, right? Daphne: Is it that obvious? Ferguson: To me it is. My mum's from Manchester. Used to scream her lungs out for United. Daphne: Is that so? My Uncle Jack once tried to get Bobby Charlton's autograph, until Bobby cracked him over the head with a can of lager. Twelve stitches, and he still has the can! Here, let me give you a hand tidying up. Ferguson: Oh, thank you, miss. Daphne: You know, you needn't stand on ceremony for Dr. Crane's father. He prefers it if you're more informal. Ferguson: Oh, it's rather difficult for me. I'm accustomed to formality. Ferguson takes a fruit basket on the stove and begins polishing the apples. Ferguson: Besides, I find it's more professional. It helps draw the line between a family and its servant. Daphne: Are you referring to Niles and me? Ferguson: Oh, that's none of my business. Daphne: No, it's all right. We're together. He told me he'd been in love with me for seven years, and [giggles] I couldn't help but fall head over heels. It's like a fairy tale. Ferguson: Seven years? He sounds shy. Daphne: Oh, he is. He was also married for much of the time. Ferguson: Mm... but now your prince is free. Daphne: Almost. He married someone else. Ferguson: I see. Daphne: No, you don't understand. Once that divorce goes through, we'll be together forever. Ferguson: Well, I hope it's moving swiftly through the course. Daphne: Oh, he hasn't filed yet. The ridiculousness of what she's saying is gradually becoming as clear to her as it is to him. Daphne: But when his wife thinks the time is right, which is soon, he will. Well, not that she's in charge of us... [flustered] Oh look, I'm giving you the wrong impression- Ferguson: Miss Moon, please understand that this is not meant to be cruel. But I've witnessed much heartbreak in my career, and I've come to know that an employee-employer romance has little chance of success. The status relationship will always exist. Daphne: Oh, thank goodness I'm not as cynical as you are! True love is stronger than status. I don't care what anyone says or thinks, Niles and I are in love. [turns to go, then] And don't spread that around, it's a secret. Ferguson smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is watching TV in his Armchair, hoisting a beer in one hand and a sandwich in the other. Ferguson stands beside him with the remote. There are the sounds of horses whinnying. Martin: Next. Ferguson changes the channel. Dramatic music. Martin: Next. Ferguson changes again. Sci-Fi laser blasts. Martin: Next. Ferguson changes. Martin: Ooh, Shark Week! At ease. Ferguson puts down the remote. Frasier comes in the front door. Frasier: Good day, all! Martin: Hey, Fras! How'd your lunch go with that opera guy? Frasier: Excellent! Not only did Murchie rave on and on about the bottle of Umbrian wine I sent, but he intimated that I was "Opera Board timber!" [chuckles] Now all I have to do is continue on my charm-offensive with the other board members. Ferguson: Then might I suggest a party, sir? Frasier: Oh, I'm way ahead of you this time. I was thinking of a little post-opera soiree next week after the opening of Turandot. Ferguson: If I may take the liberty, sir, perhaps holding the party prior to the opera might be easier on the older guests. Frasier: That's good thinking. Yes, yes, it's a very nice spin on my initial, uh... insight of the party. Ferguson: You flatter me, sir. The doorbell rings. Ferguson opens the door to Niles. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Hello, Frasier. Ah yes, Ferguson! Ferguson: How do you do, sir? Niles: Very well. Ferguson: May I take your coat, sir? Niles: Certainly. As Ferguson takes his coat, Niles and Frasier share a look, like boys over a thrilling toy. Ferguson: Sherry, Dr. Crane? Niles: Oh, thank you, Ferguson, but even as we speak I have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot chilling in my apartment, and you know the old caution: "champagne after sherry makes tummy grow wary." Ferguson: You have your brother's wit, sir. Ferguson goes to hang up Niles's coat. Niles sits on the couch. Frasier: So Niles, you're awfully chipper today. Niles: And why not? Daphne and I are going out on a date! Martin and Frasier exchange worried glances. Frasier: Wha-? Niles, what if somebody sees you and reports back to Mel? Niles: Mel be damned! Daphne and I are going to have a romantic evening together at my apartment - not only that, she's going in my car, in my backseat, under a pile of my coats and blankets! From his coat, Niles's cell phone rings. Niles: Oh, cell phone. Ferguson: Shall I? Niles: Can he? Frasier: Uh, would you? Ferguson: [answering] Dr. Crane's line. Niles mouths, "I love that!" to Frasier. Daphne comes out in an evening dress. Daphne: I'm ready. Niles: Oh Daphne, you look ravishing. Daphne: [giggles] Oh, thank you. As they kiss, Ferguson holds out the phone. Ferguson: It's Mrs. Crane, sir. Her name lands between Niles and Daphne like a brick wall. Niles: [taking the phone] Hello, Mel. What? Wait a minute, I thought we agreed twenty-four hours' notice, you can't just... all right, fine. I'll see you then. He hangs up. Frasier: Everything all right, Niles? Niles: It's Mel, she's having tea with her sorority sisters and would like me to show up - late, of course, and preferably boorish. Martin: Oh, for Pete's sake, I thought this was supposed to be over by now. Niles: Yes well, so did I, but as Mel so politely reminded me, if I want this divorce to be quick and simple, I have to dance to her tune. Daphne sits at the table. Niles kneels in front of her. Niles: I'm sorry. You understand, don't you? Daphne: I guess so. Niles: That's my girl. [kisses her cheek] I will make this up to you, I promise. Daphne: You better get going. Niles leaves. Daphne goes into the kitchen, where Ferguson is. Daphne: You heard, didn't you? Ferguson offers her his handkerchief. Daphne: No, I don't need that! I mean, I know he loves me... and it took him seven years to tell me. His ex-wife walked all over him, and now Mel's doing the same thing! What, is it going to take another seven years before he stands up for himself, or for us? Ferguson: Why do you suppose he hasn't? Daphne: I don't know. For the first time I'm beginning to wonder if... if maybe there are too many differences. Maybe he feels he has too much to lose. Oh God, Ferguson, maybe you were right. She breaks down sobbing. Ferguson, with his usual prescience, spreads his handkerchief on his lapel just as she bows over and cries on his shoulder. He puts his arm around her. END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO WHAT THE BUTLER SAW Scene Four - Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] The Apartment is now decorated for Frasier's party. A tasteful easy chair stands in place of Martin's Armchair. As Ferguson pops champagne, Frasier comes out in his tuxedo. Ferguson: I hope everything meets with your approval, sir. Frasier: Oh yes, indeed, indeed. [notices] Where's Dad's chair? Ferguson: I took the liberty of removing it for the party. Frasier: But Dad'll be furious! And I completely forgot: he'll be here! Swigging from a can and guessing women's weight, I'll be blackballed! Martin comes out in his letterman jacket. Frasier: Oh, Dad, uh, listen, about tonight- Martin: Yeah, yeah, I'd love to hobnob and whatnot, but the Towncar's waiting to take me to the game. Thanks for the tickets, Fras. [clears throat] Fergie? Martin holds out his arms. Ferguson places a paper bag in one hand, and a giant foam "We're #1!" hand (with extended index finger) in the other. Ferguson: Your meatloaf sandwich, sir, and your finger. Martin goes out the door, and Ferguson closes it behind him. Ferguson: I hope you don't mind, sir. Frasier: [still surprised] Not at all. The doorbell rings. Frasier: Ferguson, positions. Ferguson opens the door to Niles. Frasier: Oh Niles, what are you doing here? Niles: Oh Frasier, don't panic, I'm not crashing your party. I'm here to pick up Daphne. We're going to the mall. Frasier: Really? Well, no chance of running into Mel there. Niles: It should be a night to remember. We're going someplace called "the Limited." Daphne comes out in her bathrobe. Niles: Daphne! Why aren't you dressed? Daphne: I'm not sure if I'm up to going out tonight. I really hate all this sneaking around. Niles: It's not sneaking around! We're going to be out in public, at the Tacoma Mall! But the most important thing is, we'll be together. He kisses her. Daphne: All right, I suppose that really is what matters. She leads him to her room. Niles: All right, now tell me again, what are we going to eat? Daphne: Curly fries! Niles: Ooh... The doorbell rings. Ferguson opens the door to Roz. Ferguson: Good evening, and welcome to the home of Dr. Frasier- Frasier: Oh save it, it's just Roz. [Roz is not flattered] What are you doing here? Roz: [holds up boxes] Um, your gift-wrapping came in. Frasier: I thought I just ordered a few rolls! Roz: You were more generous than you thought. Ferguson: I'll put it in your room, sir. Roz: You look like a gift-giver- Frasier: Roz, you put it in my room, he's working! As he hustles her away, the doorbell rings a third time. Ferguson opens the door to Alan Murchie, his wife Diane, and Mr. Worth, a man in his sixties. Frasier: Alan Murchie, lovely to see you! Murchie: [shaking hands] Likewise. I don't think you've met my wife, Diane. Frasier: Enchanté. Murchie: And this is Henry Worth, another board member. Frasier: Ah, Henry, lovely to meet you. Ferguson: May I take your coats? Murchie: Oh, thank you. As they enter, Ferguson takes their coats and goes to hang them up. Diane: Frasier, isn't that the colonel's old butler? Frasier: Yes, Ferguson. My sense of duty compelled me to take him in after the colonel passed. Murchie: [amused] Yes, we felt the same sense of duty toward his art collection. Frasier: [laughs nervously] Oh, that's very droll... He turns and sees Roz standing with Mr. Worth at the bar. Frasier: Excuse me. He rushes over. Roz: ...collection. And the family pack really is your best value- Frasier: [grabs her] Roz, what are you doing out here? I'm sure Mr. Worth isn't interested in gift-wrapping. Worth: Nonsense, she's delightful. Now, what kind of deal would you give me if I bought a hundred rolls? Roz: Oh, I'd take off twenty percent. Worth: And what would you take off if I bought five thousand rolls? Roz: [unfazed] Everything but my bracelets. Worth: [laughing] Yes, sir! Frasier, shocked, turns away to see Ferguson open the door to a second couple, Ted & Lois. Frasier: Ah, Ted and Lois! Oh please, come in. Lois: I hope you don't mind, but we had an extra ticket, so we brought a friend. Frasier: Well, of course, the more the merrier! As Ted and Lois come in, they part to reveal - Mel! Mel: Good evening, Frasier. Frasier: Mel... what a delightful surprise. I had no idea you knew the Fischers. Niles and Daphne come out of the hallway, laughing. Frasier: Niles, uh, look who's here! Niles: [stops dead] Darling! Mel: Niles, I didn't think I'd see you here tonight, I thought you were working late... [sweet] Oh well, lucky me! Niles: No, [kisses her] lucky me! Frasier: [before Daphne can scream] Lucky all of us! Please, won't you sit down? As the guests sit, Niles pulls Mel close and drops his voice. Niles: What, uh - what are you doing here? Mel: Look, I didn't know we were stopping by here on our way, so just put on your party face and deal with it. Niles: Well, I'm sorry, I have plans. Mel: Yes, you do - to be by your wife's side. Frasier, sensing trouble, rushes to calm them. Frasier: Everybody good? Everybody happy? Let's try to respect the feelings and long-held dreams of others. Mel: Don't worry, Frasier, everything's going to be fine. She moves off. Frasier: "Fine?" Fine for whom? Is that code, what does that mean?! Niles rushes to Daphne. Niles: Daphne, Daphne, I'm so sorry. Listen, this party can't last more than an hour, after that we'll have the whole evening together, I promise. Daphne: Please don't make any more promises you can't keep. Mel: Oh, Niles! Come over here and listen to Tedd's funny joke about communists in heaven! Niles: Oh, I'm laughing already! He goes over to Mel. DISSOLVE TO: Later. Near the kitchen, Murchie is standing with Frasier. Murchie: Frasier, this party is a triumph! I shouldn't be telling you this, but if my straw poll is any indication, we may be seeing you at the next board meeting. Frasier: Oh well, I-I hope you don't think that's why I did this! But it's certainly a nice fringe benefit. Murchie: [amused] I'm no farmer, Crane, but I can smell manure a mile away. You'll be a welcome addition. Frasier laughs, then catches Ferguson passing by. Frasier: Oh, Ferguson, Ferguson, listen, make sure that everyone has champagne. I have a little toast in mind that I daresay will seal the deal. Nearby, Todd and Lois are chatting with Niles and Mel. Daphne, whom Frasier has conscripted to serve hors d'oeuvres, is forced to stand right in front of them and play the mute serving girl. Ted: By the by, don't make any plans for New Year's Eve. Lo and I are having a blowout at our Mercer Island Place. Niles: Well, that's a very generous offer, but, uh- Mel: Oh, we'd love to. It'll give you a chance to wear that new Valentino I might be getting you- Daphne, unable to take any more, puts down the tray and runs to her room, passing Ferguson. Ferguson: Miss Moon? Niles sees her go. Niles: Uh, Mel, may I see you for a moment? Mel: Uh, well actually I- Niles: Yeah, thank you, thank you, excuse us, excuse us, just one second. He drags her into the kitchen, where Ferguson is refilling the glasses. Ferguson sees them and makes a hasty exit. Niles: New Year's Eve with you? Are you out of your mind? Mel: Keep your voice down! Niles: Look, I have gone along with this charade because I hurt you, but now you're just dragging it out to be vindictive. I'm not going to tolerate it any longer. Mel: Oh, really? And what are you going to do about it? Niles: Keep pushing me, you'll find out. Mel: Don't threaten me. You made a promise, and you're going to keep it! In the living room, Ferguson brings an armful of coats and wraps to the guests. Ferguson: [handing Diane her wrap] Your wrap, madam, Dr. Crane thanks you for coming... Frasier grabs him and pulls him aside. Frasier: Ferguson, Ferguson, what in blue blazes are you doing? Ferguson: Perhaps to spare you some embarrassment, sir, I took the liberty. Frasier: Stop! You're taking far too much liberty with the liberty- taking! Please, just see that everyone has some champagne. Ferguson: [obeying] Sir. He replaces the coats, and Frasier calls for attention and raises his glass. Frasier: There's no need to leave. Uh, I would like to propose a toast... From the kitchen, the voices of the happy couple burst out loud and clear. Niles: No Mel, why don't you listen for once? I'm through! Mel: I'll tell you when you're through, you spineless twit, AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! Frasier runs to the light switch and frantically flicks it on and off, like the house lights at an intermission. Frasier: Opera time, opera time! On to the show! To no avail. Everyone's attention is on the kitchen - including Daphne, who has entered from her room just in time to see Mel storm out of the kitchen, followed by Niles. Niles: That's it, Mel, I'm sick of these games! Mel: Niles, don't make a scene. Niles: I don't care! I love Daphne, and I'm not putting her through this torture another second! This sham of a marriage is OVER! Angle on Daphne: "And the trumpets sounded for her on the other side..." For a moment, there is a standoff. Then everyone from the board rushes to comfort Mel. Diane: It's all right, dear, we've known for some time he doesn't deserve you. Mel: Well, you've seen what I have to put up with. I've tried so hard, I really have. Lois: I don't know how you've put up with him this long. Mel: I just want out. Ted: Don't worry, I'll handle the divorce papers personally! This jackass will be out of your life by the end of the week! Niles: You mean it? Everyone leaves. Before he goes, Alan gives Frasier an amused look that spells doom to his prospects for a board seat. Murchie: See you around, Crane. Murchie and Diane leave. Niles hasn't heard Daphne come up behind him. Daphne: I love you, too. They hug. Frasier is still crestfallen. Roz: Oh, come on, Frasier, you don't want to spend the evening with those snobs anyway. Worth sticks his head back through the door. Worth: Coming, Roz? Roz: Yeah, I'll be right there. She gets up and goes to the door. Roz: [off everyone's looks] I'm just getting an early start on the candy drive. She leaves. Niles: Frasier, I'm-I'm sorry I ruined your evening. Frasier: It's all right, Niles. It's a small price to pay to finally see you and Daphne together. Niles: It's true - we're free! [Daphne laughs] No more hiding! Where do you want to go? Dinner? Dancing? London? Paris? Daphne: Why don't we go for a walk? Niles: Even better. Ferguson appears with their coats. Ferguson: If you'll allow me. Niles: Thank you, Ferguson. Ferguson: My pleasure, sir. Daphne: [with all her heart] Thank you, Ferguson. Ferguson: It was my privilege, Miss Moon. They leave. Frasier: All right, Ferguson, we got some fences to mend with the board. What do we send and to whom do we send it? Ferguson: Actually, sir, I regret to inform you that I must tender my resignation. Frasier: Please, don't be upset that things didn't go so well this evening. I'll make it up to you - send yourself something! Ferguson: Thank you, sir, but it's not you. It was your brother and Miss Moon. His willingness to break social rank has inspired me. And there's a certain Lady Westerfield whose acquaintance I'd like to renew. Frasier: Ah. True love and all that. Well, [extends his hand] good luck, Ferguson. Ferguson: [shakes it] Thank you, sir. Frasier: Now, if you'll excuse me, I've had rather a difficult evening. Think I'll just go take a sad soak in the tub. Ferguson: Sir, after such an evening, it's not right for a man to draw his own bath. So, if I may take the liberty... Frasier: Carry on, Ferguson. Ferguson bows and goes to the bathroom. Frasier lets out a wistful sigh. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Room: Frasier is sleeping as before. Suddenly Eddie comes in, yanks open the curtains with his teeth, and jumps on Frasier's stomach. Frasier awakens violently. Martin comes in and chases Eddie around the room, finally herding him out. Frasier collapses back down and pulls the covers over his head.	Plan: A: Frasier; Q: Who hires Ferguson to live in the Crane household? A: a classically trained and refined Englishman; Q: What is Ferguson's background? A: butlers; Q: What profession does Ferguson come from? A: social class; Q: What does Ferguson believe is too strong a presence in clandestine relationships? A: failure; Q: What does Ferguson believe social class will do to Daphne and Niles' relationship? A: a pre-opera party; Q: What does Frasier hold to seal his place on the opera board? A: the opera board; Q: What is Frasier hoping to get a place on? A: a date; Q: What is Niles supposed to be going on with Daphne? A: the last minute; Q: When was Mel invited to the party? A: her; Q: Who does Daphne fear Niles will not risk his social standing for? A: the party guests; Q: Who does Niles tell that he does not love Mel? Summary: Frasier hires Ferguson, a classically trained and refined Englishman from a long line of butlers, to live in the Crane household. When hearing of Daphne and Niles' clandestine relationship, he expresses a belief that social class remains too strong a presence in such relationships, inevitably dooming them to failure. Frasier holds a pre-opera party, hoping to seal his place on the opera board. Niles arrives to go on a date with Daphne, but Mel has been invited to the party at the last minute. Daphne begins to fear that Niles will not risk his social standing for her, but he declares in front of the party guests that he does not love Mel.
PLANET OF FIRE BY: PETER GRIMWADE Part Three Running time: 23:57 [SCENE_BREAK] K-MASTER: Journey's end, Doctor. I'm sorry. Your cremation will deprive me of our periodic encounters. Quickly, my time is short. TIMANOV: Great Logar, receive these mortals as an oblation from your faithful people. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: That's him. That's the Master. TURLOUGH: No. PERI: Really? TURLOUGH: Yes. We may be able to help. PERI: How? TURLOUGH: Something the Doctor pointed out earlier. Malkon, you keep them occupied and tell the Doctor about Kamelion. Quickly. [SCENE_BREAK] MALKON: Stop! There is to be no sacrifice. K-MASTER: What are you waiting for? Continue the burnings. MALKON: This man is an imposter. K-MASTER: Who is this boy? DOCTOR: Oh, don't you know? Allow me to introduce Malkon, Chosen One of the Sarns. You see? He's no Outsider. He doesn't recognise your Chosen One, and he doesn't understand the laws of the settlement. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: That kid won't hold them off for long. TURLOUGH: The Doctor can help him. We only need a few minutes. PERI: Do you know what you're doing? TURLOUGH: If I can hit the right circuits, if it still works, I think I can cut the gas supply to their sacrificial fire. [SCENE_BREAK] K-MASTER: Obey me or there will be no gift and I shall call down the wrath of Logar on you all. TIMANOV: Malkon is overruled. Continue the burning. MALKON: No! K-MASTER: Never mind the boy. Now, to the fire with the unbeliever. TIMANOV: Logar refuses the sacrifice. He's angry that his Chosen One has been struck down! [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Oh, you've done it! The fire's out. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: He's not dead, but let them think he is. MALKON: Warn the Doctor. Kamelion is the Master. DOCTOR: Life must be very complicated for you at the moment. Not only are you a phony Outsider, you're not even the real Master. You're just a machine. Oh, no, no, don't turn away. You will accept my will. I am the Doctor and you are Kamelion. K-MASTER: Will you allow my enemy to torment me? DOCTOR: You are no more than the sum of your parts, a mass of printed circuits. K-MASTER: Kill him. DOCTOR: You see? He likes to kill. He turned on your Chosen One. Next time it'll be you, Chief Elder. K-MASTER: Kill! TIMANOV: No. Let Logar decide. Let the fire god send us a sign. DOCTOR: Oh, you'll have a sign, all right. If I can break the energy link with the Master, this so-called will be nothing but a heap of spare parts. You're on your own, Kamelion. Your power is weakening, turning to silver. A silver puppet jumping on a string. String cut! TIMANOV: He's shining. ROSKAL: I don't believe it. DOCTOR: Psychomorphic fringing. Nothing supernatural about that, it's an intermediate stage between anthropoid and robotic identity. TIMANOV: No, it is the sign of Logar. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Seems like the Doctor could do with some more help. He'll need this thing too. It's from his TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] AMYAND: The more you attack it, the more it looks like the Outsider. DOCTOR: I must concentrate. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: The cave, quickly. Shield yourself from the Doctor's mind. Use the cave. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Obey me. The Doctor. The Doctor. K-FOSTER: Take them to the cave. TIMANOV: Obey the shining one. DOCTOR: Mustn't resist. Any distraction will allow the Master to break through. That's right, Kamelion. Servile. Slave! Bond broken. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: No! PERI: The Doctor's trying to control Kamelion's mind. I can help him. I know how to do that, too. TURLOUGH: Leave it to the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] ROSKAL: What happened? K-MASTER: Oh, Doctor, you quite let your enthusiasm run away with you. AMYAND: What went wrong? DOCTOR: The cave. Somehow it's screening the thought control. K-MASTER: Oh, phew. Over the years I've dreamed of a million exquisite tortures to accompany your final moments. That it should come to this. PERI: No! DOCTOR: Peri, get back. PERI: Kamelion! You're supposed to be the Doctor's friend. Kamelion! K-MASTER: You see? I've grown stronger since our last meeting. Your puny mind no longer affects me. I'm grateful, however, that you've seen fit to return the comparator. PERI: That thing's where you'll never find it. TIMANOV: No! There's been too much killing. Only the fire is acceptable to Logar. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: You're still resistant. Do not oppose them or my TARDIS will never be free. Take the girl with you. She's unskilled, but strong. There's much work to be done. As for the Doctor, he'll die in the holocaust with the rest of them. [SCENE_BREAK] K-MASTER: I'm sorry to be deprived of the pleasure of seeing you die, Doctor, although I am consoled by the thought that your imminent and inevitable demise will be excruciating. K-MASTER: Now, Chief Elder, I've work for you elsewhere. TIMANOV: Work? Where are the gifts? The Outsider always brings gifts from Logar. K-MASTER: Of course, how foolish of me. I have them in safekeeping at the ruin. Buried. (to the Doctor) You will be cremated alive. PERI: No! No! Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: No, let me go! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Interesting. I knew something other than rock must be screening me from Kamelion's mind. ROSKAL: Turlough! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What kept you? TURLOUGH: I've been to the wreck of my father's ship. AMYAND: Get this gate open, will you? Another surge could come at any moment. TURLOUGH: I don't think so. I've been back to the bunker, re-routed the flow. Where's Malkon? TURLOUGH: No. SORASTA: He's still breathing. TURLOUGH: Who did this? DOCTOR: One of the Elders. TURLOUGH: I shall kill him for this. DOCTOR: What good would that do? We must get after Peri. TURLOUGH: You don't understand, Doctor. DOCTOR: Come on. TURLOUGH: I think Malkon is my brother. [SCENE_BREAK] K-MASTER: Beneath that rubble lies an object of incomparable value. A gift from Logar. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: How do you know Malkon is your brother? TURLOUGH: The last Trion ship to come here crashed and Malkon was the only survivor. It must have been the ship my father was on. DOCTOR: How does that make him your brother? TURLOUGH: Just accept, for the moment, Doctor, that I know he would have been the only infant on board. DOCTOR: He's in severe shock. There may be some damage to his nervous system. Keep him warm. Make him as comfortable as you can. Why fuel the cave with volcanic gas? ROSKAL: The cave has always been used for sacrifices. DOCTOR: With all due respect to your fellow Sarns, I think the people who built this had a more useful purpose than burnt offerings to Logar. Come on. AMYAND: Where are you going? DOCTOR: To find the Master and his TARDIS. Do you know this ruin he spoke of? AMYAND: Yes, and I know a safe route to it. Follow me. DOCTOR: Don't you want to stay with Malkon? TURLOUGH: I must be there when the Sarns find out you've escaped from the cave. AMYAND: How can you help the Doctor? TURLOUGH: With this. DOCTOR: Does everyone from Trion have this mark? TURLOUGH: No. You have to be very special to wear the Misos Triangle. [SCENE_BREAK] TIMANOV: It's stone. It's a pillar of stone. K-MASTER: My TARDIS. I am most grateful. PERI: You do realise this creature is about to do a bunk. K-MASTER: As my word is my bond, Chief Elder, this is a day of reckoning for us all. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Something must have happened to the Master for him to be using Kamelion. TURLOUGH: He certainly went to a great deal of trouble to get him back. Do you think he's into another regeneration crisis? DOCTOR: His present body must be good for a few years yet. There has to be another reason. [SCENE_BREAK] K-MASTER: At last. TIMANOV: Where are the promised gifts? PERI: Don't let him go! K-MASTER: Gullible idiot. TURLOUGH: Too late. DOCTOR: No. No, no, that's the Master's TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: It's like the Doctor's. K-MASTER: But infinitely superior, as I am to that galactic philanthropist. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I can stop the Master by materialising around his TARDIS. TURLOUGH: You'll need this. TURLOUGH: It is the will of Logar that you obey me. I am your new Chosen One. Order them to put down their staves. TIMANOV: The mark of Logar? TURLOUGH: I have released the prisoners from the cave. I now hold supreme authority. TIMANOV: The blue box is sacred Logar. It must not be profaned by his enemies. TURLOUGH: You have been cheated by the false Outsider. The Doctor is no enemy. He is the rightful custodian of the box. Will you compound the murder of Malkon by defying your new leader? Let the Doctor pass! TURLOUGH: There we are. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: We're stuck. The temporal stabiliser's been removed. Another old trick of the Master's. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] AMYAND: Where's he gone? DOCTOR: Hmm? Er, I don't know yet. Someone's been interfering with the TARDIS navigational system. Kamelion. It's been remote-paralleled with the Master's TARDIS. So that's how he followed us to Sarn. AMYAND: I don't understand. DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, it's perfectly simple. If this machine were working properly, we'd follow the Master's TARDIS. AMYAND: What, anywhere? DOCTOR: Indeed. Although the effort would hardly be worthwhile. He's still on Sarn. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: What have you got in this? K-MASTER: It's no concern of your. Place it here. PERI: Oh. It's your control box, isn't it. K-MASTER: Very perceptive, Miss Brown. But the real power of my control is well beyond your inadequate comprehension. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Where are we? K-MASTER: In the heart of the volcano. PERI: Look, if I'm to help you I want to know what you're doing and what happens to me when all K-MASTER: You will obey me without question. PERI: You said that once before. K-MASTER: Perhaps you doubt the efficacy of this device? Allow me to introduce the Tissue Compression Eliminator. K-MASTER: The same will happen to you, my dear, if you obstruct me. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There's something the Master needs on Sarn. If we could find it, we'd find him. I think Turlough will need some help. AMYAND: Nothing short of a sign from Logar will have any effect on Timanov and the elders. DOCTOR: A sign from Logar. What does he look like, this fire lord? [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Perhaps I should choose new elders from amongst the citizens, and a Chief Elder who would be more faithful to his new leader. TIMANOV: No, wait. It's a time of crisis. We must do nothing to threaten the continuity of our people. TURLOUGH: Then obey me in all things. TIMANOV: We will be guided by you, Chosen One. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: How about that? AMYAND: Not quite. He's fatter, a larger head, bright silver. That's more like it. [SCENE_BREAK] K-MASTER: The Doctor's TARDIS. A modest thunderbolt, I think. PERI: What are you doing? K-MASTER: You'll see. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Into the TARDIS! [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: You did that? K-MASTER: The entire power of the mountain is at my command. But enough of games. I'm here for more serious work. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: I said into the TARDIS! Quickly! [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Sorry, Doctor. There was nowhere else I could bring them. DOCTOR: Welcome, gentlemen. TURLOUGH: This is the Doctor. He's not an enemy of Logar, but an elder from the city of Gallifrey. DOCTOR: Do any of you recognise this? TIMANOV: Logar. TURLOUGH: You see? He appears at the Doctor's command. TIMANOV: Why doesn't he strike down the heretics? TURLOUGH: Logar is the friend of all people, whether they believe in him or not. He's only angry when the citizens fight amongst themselves. (quietly) It's a man in a thermal suit. DOCTOR: Hmm. Must be some sort of control centre inside the volcano. Timanov, have you actually ever seen Logar? TIMANOV: Yes, once, when I was a boy. DOCTOR: Where? TIMANOV: It was the summit of the fire mountain. The fire god spoke to me, encouraged me to inhale the gases. I felt intoxicated, invigorated. I felt reborn. AMYAND: You were drunk. TIMANOV: When I returned from the mountain, my body and my mind felt stronger and fitter. DOCTOR: I wonder if that's what the Master wants. To be born again. DOCTOR: Now, isn't that interesting? According to this, the Master and Peri are inside the volcano. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: How much more is there? K-MASTER: Stop mewling. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: The seismic scanner. Something's happening inside the volcano. TIMANOV: We must gaze upon it. DOCTOR: Shall we gaze upon it too? [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: The Master must have precipitated an eruption. DOCTOR: I don't think so. That isn't an eruption. TIMANOV: No, it's the blue flame. It hasn't been seen for many generations. TURLOUGH: What is it supposed to indicate? TIMANOV: It's a sign of great favour from Logar. He's showing his mercy to the sick and the injured. There'll be a gathering. We must go to our people. DOCTOR: I wonder if Logar will help a sick Time Lord. Perhaps the Master needs the blue flame more than the people of Sarn. TURLOUGH: We should get back to the bunker. DOCTOR: No, no, no, the Hall of Fire. I want to analyse the deposit on the walls. Unless, of course, you can tell me what it is? TURLOUGH: How should I know? That cave's part of a colonial civilisation that ended ages ago. DOCTOR: The control centre's been maintained. Just what sort of interest have your people got in the stability of an abandoned planet? TURLOUGH: I don't know. DOCTOR: When we arrived, you expected to find Trions here. Why? TURLOUGH: The triangle here in the ruin. DOCTOR: If this is an abandoned planet, what was your father doing here? All right. But if you're holding back anything that will aid the Master, our friendship is at an end. Is that understood? TURLOUGH: Yes, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] K-MASTER: Excellent! We now have control of one of the greatest energy sources in the universe. PERI: A blue flame? K-MASTER: Numismaton gas, my dear. An immensely rare catalytic reagent from deep inside the planet. When the surge comes again, I shall be ready to absorb its infinite transforming power. PERI: Really. PERI: Well, you're getting no more power! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Hmm. Trace elements of numismaton gas. Very useful for an injured Time Lord who can't regenerate. Now, why would he want the gas in such quantities? TURLOUGH: Perhaps he plans to bottle and sell it. DOCTOR: Even if I were in a better humour, that wouldn't be funny. [SCENE_BREAK] SORASTA: Doctor, Malkon is much worse. TURLOUGH: We must get him back to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: No. TURLOUGH: Doctor, please! DOCTOR: Thanks to the Master, he's far better off here. I must get back to the bunker and organise the gas flow. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: The Master's control box. I may have a puny mind, but you don't need to be Albert Einstein to find the off switch. MASTER: You escaped from my slave, but you will obey me or die.	Plan: A: Turlough; Q: Who is taken to his fathers ship? A: Kamelion so; Q: The Doctor and The Master battle for control of what? Summary: Turlough is taken to his fathers ship, the Doctor and The Master battle for control of Kamelion so The Master can go through with his plan.
CUE MUSIC: "Sleeper's Awake," J.S. Bach [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins sews up the final stitches after an autopsy. He snips the thread. The body he's working on is a woman; her scalp is exposed and folded over.) (The toe tag reads: BASSET, DONNA 5TH FLOOR ELEVATOR (Robbins folds the scalp back over her head. Finished, he heads to the door, flicks off the overhead light and leaves.) Grissom: (o.s.) Generally, autopsies are performed in the morning. [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom leads a group of students through the hallway just outside Forensic Autopsy.) Grissom: Hello, David. David Phillips: Hello, Grissom. (David comes out of one of the autopsy rooms pushing a body on a gurney.) Grissom: David Phillips, everyone, our excellent assistant coroner and baseball trivia expert. (David waves to them.) Male Student: (re: the body) And who's that? Grissom: I'll introduce you to her later. (They continue on.) Afternoons are usually for paperwork and court. (David pushes the gurney through the hallway. He stops and opens the door to the morgue.) [INT. MORGUE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (David pushes in the gurney into the room. There's another body on a gurney already there. He leaves the two gurneys next to each other and leaves.) (The door closes behind him.) CU: DONNA BASSET (Her eyes open. She blinks several times. She sits up and looks around. The body on the gurney next to her sits up as well.) Rebecca McGill: Hi. I'm Rebecca. Donna Basset: Donna. (They shake hands.) I'm ... I was Donna. Rebecca McGill: But you know, I don't think that matters much anymore. (Donna looks around.) Donna Basset: So ... so we're ... ? Rebecca McGill: (sympathetically) Yeah. Donna Basset: Huh. Somehow ... it's not quite what I expected. Rebecca McGill: What were you expecting? White light, puffy clouds? Donna Basset: My mom. Rebecca McGill: So how'd you get here, anyway? Donna Basset: You know ... someone will figure it out. WHITE FADE OUT TO: [INT. HOTEL - 5TH FLOOR ELEVATOR - DAY] (Catherine looks at the body in the elevator floor. The body is wrapped in a towel.) (Brass stands in the hallway talking with the housekeeper, Gloria.) Brass: So you're the one who found the body? Gloria Torres (housekeeper): Yeah, I pushed the button, the doors open, I get this. Brass: Right. Do you recognize her? Gloria Torres (housekeeper): No. (Catherine snaps a couple of photos.) Brass: At any time did you step inside the elevator? Gloria Torres (housekeeper): Get closer to that? No, thanks. Brass: All right, thank you, Gloria. Thank you. (The officer escorts Gloria away. Brass turns his attention to the elevator. Catherine finds a white fiber in the elevator door tracks. She picks it up and looks at it.) Catherine: Some white cotton fibers. Probably from the towel. Could be she was dragged into the elevator. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Someone drags the body from the hallway into the elevator. The towel brushes against the door tracks and leaves cotton fibers behind.) BACK TO SCENE. (Catherine looks at the outer door track and shakes her head.) Catherine: From any floor except this one. Brass: How many floors we got? Catherine: Well, no 13th. (As she puts the fiber in a baggie, she glances at the button panel and stops.) No four and no 14. (nods) Yeah, unlucky numbers. Different countries, different superstitions. That was something Sam taught me. (She puts the baggie away.) Brass: Yeah. Catherine: (sighs) And we just eliminated the one we're on. Brass: You do the math. Catherine: Thirty-three floors. David Phillips: Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. Brass: The wedding planner. Hmm? David Phillips: Yeah. Twenty-one days and counting. Catherine: That's all right, David. Why don't you help me turn the body? Examine her for injuries. (David kneels to help Catherine, but she sees something.) Catherine: Wait a second. (A rose petal on the floor near the victim's head. She picks it up and looks at it.) Catherine: A rose petal. American Beauty. (They roll the body over.) Catherine: Oh! (Water pours out of the victim's mouth.) Catherine: I'm gonna take a wild stab and guess drowning. Brass: How do you drown in an elevator? (Catherine turns and looks at him.) SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [BLACK SCREEN, WHITE TEXT] CHAPTER I: AMERICAN BEAUTY [INT. HOTEL - ELEVATOR - DAY] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open. Catherine looks out at the basement hallway leading to the elevator. She kneels and checks out the elevator door tracks. She runs her hands on the grooves.) [CU: ELEVATOR PANEL] (She presses button #18.) [INT. HOTEL - ELEVATOR - DAY] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open. A housekeeper stands near her cart by the far SERVICE DOORS. She turns to look at Catherine.) (Catherine looks down at the elevator door tracks.) [CU: ELEVATOR PANEL] (She presses button #26.) [INT. HOTEL - ELEVATOR - DAY] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open. A service table on wheels with a setting for two is out in the hallway across from a janitor's mop and bucket. Catherine looks out.) [CU: ELEVATOR PANEL] (She presses button #29.) [INT. HOTEL - ELEVATOR - DAY] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open.) [CU: ELEVATOR PANEL] (She presses button PH.) [INT. HOTEL - ELEVATOR (PH FLOOR) - DAY] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open. Out in the hallway, Catherine sees several linen and laundry push carts. She looks down at the elevator door tracks and kneels to get a closer look. She finds another white cotton fiber. She's on the right floor.) (She steps out into the hallway and checks the laundry bags. It's empty. She checks the towels stacked on the push cart, then turns to check the other carts as well. In the second cart, she finds used white cotton towels. She reaches in and takes them out. Under that, she finds dark clothes. She takes that out. Under that, she finds a gun in a holster.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Brass and the hotel manager burst in through the double doors.) Brass: What do you got? (Catherine shows him the badge and ID.) Catherine: We got a dead cop. (Brass looks at the ID.) Brass: Donna Basset out of San Francisco. (MARTIN) HOTEL MANAGER: She's not a registered guest. Brass: San Francisco PD lets their guys moonlight. Do you know anyone on this floor needs private security? (MARTIN) HOTEL MANAGER: Mr. Hsing. Robert Hsing. He's an architect. A pretty big deal in Hong Kong. Brass: Which room? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - PENTHOUSE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Brass kicks the door open and bursts into the room, gun drawn. A couple of officers follow him inside.) (Brass checks the main room while the officers check the other rooms.) Officer: Clear! (Catherine and the hotel manager enter the penthouse.) Brass: Clear and empty. (Brass tucks his gun back in his holster. Catherine looks around the living room.) Brass: (sighs) We need to locate Mr. Hsing. Catherine: I know these suites. This furniture's been moved. (MARTIN) HOTEL MANAGER: Per Mr. Hsing's request. (Catherine looks at the room's furniture pattern.) Catherine: What is this is, an eight-sided pattern? Feng shui? (MARTIN) HOTEL MANAGER: (nods) He's exacting. The furniture we moved left impressions in the carpet. We vacuumed them out. Some numbers patterns make elements flow. Luck, energy, chi. Brass: So you believe in all this feng shui stuff? (Catherine turns and heads over to the next room.) (MARTIN) HOTEL MANAGER: When a guest gambles several million dollars per visit, it doesn't matter what I believe. [INT. HOTEL - PENTHOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Catherine steps into the bedroom and finds a bathtub in the room. The water is overflowing. Rose petals float on the top of the water.) Catherine: (to Brass) Now we know how you drown in an elevator. You don't. (louder) Martin, could you join us? (She stops him from entering.) Catherine: Don't step in. Just take a look around and do you notice anything missing or out of place? Martin (hotel manager): There's a couple of towels missing. And a bath sheet. Catherine: And do all your infinity tubs come with rose petals? Martin (hotel manager): No, we did that. Catherine: When the water flows, the money flows? Martin (hotel manager): Four dozen red rose petals exactly. Imported bath oil. Brass: Per Mr. Hsing's request, hmm? (The hotel manager's phone rings. He steps away and answers it.) Martin (hotel manager): (to phone) This is Martin. Great. What floor? Who's in the room with him? (Catherine watches Martin for a moment. Brass watches Catherine.) Brass: (quietly) You okay? You know, I mean, working Sam's hotel so soon after the, you know? Catherine: I think that working helps. I mean, you know that. Brass: Yeah. Martin (hotel manager): (b.g.) (to phone) No, stay put. (to Catherine) We found Mr. Hsing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - SUITE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Martin (hotel manager): (V.O.) He's gambling in a private suite downstairs. (The dealer deals the cards, then flips his own over.) Dealer: Player has five. (Mr. Hsing checks his cards and tosses them over and in.) Dealer: Natural nine. You win. (Robert Hsing smiles. The door opens. Brass, Catherine and a couple of officers walk in.) Robert Hsing: Close the door. Brass: Mr. Hsing, I'm Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police. (Robert Hsing gets to his feet.) Your security officer, Donna Basset, was found dead tonight. Murdered in your hotel room. Robert Hsing: I'm so sorry. Donna's worked for me the last twelve times I've come to your city. Have you notified her family? Brass: We'll take care of that. When did you last see her? Robert Hsing: When she escorted me here about four hours ago. Brass: Mm-hmm. Mr. Hsing, when you hire security, how much of it is for real threat and how much is perceived? Do you know what I mean? How much is for show? Robert Hsing: I have very real enemies. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Robbins holds the victim's right eye open as he shares his findings with Catherine. CGI CU of the eye vessels turning red.) (Robbins and Catherine are standing on either side of the body on the autopsy table.) Robbins: Yeah, she drowned, all right. Slight petechial hemorrhaging in both eyes. Catherine: Any chance it was an accident? Robbins: When was the last time you took a nap in Grissom's tub? Take a look. (He shows her the bruising on the victim's shoulders.) Catherine: Oh, yeah. Someone held her down. Robbins: And she ... (He shows her the cuts on the victim's knuckles.) Catherine: ... put up a fight. [INT. HOTEL - SUITE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Brass talks with Robert Hsing, as the game is on hold.) Brass: So, you checked in around 6:00. Where have you been since? Robert Hsing: Here, playing. It's why I come to Vegas. Brass: So you never left this room all night? Robert Hsing: Once, about three hours ago. Brass: (nods) Oh, that's helpful. Why'd you leave? Robert Hsing: My luck was bad. I went to change it. (Brass chuckles.) Brass: And how'd you swing that? Robert Hsing: Called Detective Basset to escort me back to my suite. She didn't answer. I went by myself. Brass: I see. (to the dealer) You can corroborate this? Dealer: He used the hotel phone. Brass: Okay, good, there's a record then. So you get back to you suite. Then what? Robert Hsing: I urinated. Changed my underwear. Came back. Kept playing. Brass: So changing your skivvies can change your luck? (Robert Hsing turns to look at the dealer.) Dealer: Mr. Hsing's was down $1.2 million. Now he's up over $2 million. Brass: Wow. I'll have to try that. [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- NIGHT] MONITOR: TOP VIEW DOWN (The elevator security camera shows Donna Basset's body pushed into the elevator. The man's arm reaches in and presses a button. Video pauses.) (Archie and Catherine sit in front of the monitors reviewing the security video.) Archie: Well, got part of your killer. Catherine: He knew there were cameras in the elevators, but not in the hallways or the service area. Archie: So what do you want to do now? Catherine: His sleeve is wet. (She gets an idea.) Catherine: Stop and smell the roses. [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Catherine opens and lines up all the rose petals taken from the hotel room tub. She takes the rose petal found with the body and cuts a piece of it off.) VARIOUS CUTS: (Catherine tests and analyzes the rose petal.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - PENTHOUSE -- NIGHT] (The door opens and Robert Hsing finds Catherine, Brass and an officer at his door. Right behind him are his bags and things.) Robert Hsing: You just caught me. (Catherine steps into the room.) Catherine: Mr. Hsing, I'm Catherine Willows, from the Crime Lab, and I need to see the suit that you wore last night. Robert Hsing: You already have my fingerprints. Brass: Well, we can be finicky. Catherine: A rose petal from the victim's body was found to contain traces of vitisvinifera -- grapeseed oil. The kind that this hotel puts in your tub. We know that the killer's shirt was wet, so I need to see your clothes. (He takes the shirts wrapped in plastic off the suitcase rack.) Robert Hsing: I'll leave you my address in Hong Kong. You can ship them back to me when you're done. (She takes the shirts from him.) Catherine: Thank you. [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - NIGHT] (Catherine is back in the A/V Lab reviewing video from the elevator security camera. She watches it over and over again and appears to be stumped. She shakes her head as she thinks.) (Grissom walks in.) Catherine: Rose petals in the bathtub had traces of grapeseed oil. Killer's sleeves were wet. Grissom: So you get the clothes, you get your guy. Catherine: Dry cleaner screwed us. Grissom: Did he push all the buttons? Catherine: Yeah. Enough to keep that body moving, and leave me with a lot of partials. Grissom: A lot? (Catherine gets it. She looks at Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - NIGHT] (Catherine scans all the partial prints into the computer.) VARIOUS CUTS (She puts a composite print together and runs it through the search to specifically match against Robert Hsing.) (The computer beeps. MATCH FOUND.) INSERT: FLASHBACK (Robert Hsing is in the penthouse changing his tie. He turns and sees Donna Basset taking a bath in his tub.) Robert Hsing: You're in my water. You're the reason I'm losing! (He grabs her shoulders and pushes her down under the water. She struggles and gurgles.) Donna Basset: (V.O.) I changed his luck, and he took my life. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - MORGUE] (Donna Basset talks with Rebecca McGill.) Donna Basset: Every time he came to Vegas, he would gamble for four hours exactly. And, you know, I took that bath every time. Rebecca McGill: You were murdered. Donna Basset: I was a cop. Thought I could see danger coming. Rebecca McGill: Well, not me. I got into more train wreck relationships than I can count. And then I met Gavin. Donna Basset: And ... ? (We move around to the back of Rebecca's head where we see a large hole and her skull empty. Her brains are gone.) Rebecca McGill: He was a great guy. And then I fell ... I fell hard. [SCENE_BREAK] [BLACK SCREEN, WHITE TEXT] CHAPTER II: NO BRAINER CUE SOUNDS: (PRE-LAP) A WOMAN GROANING, A CRUNCHING SOUND, THEN A WOMAN SCREAMING [EXT. NEVADA DESERT - DAY] INSERT: CGI VISUALIZATION (Looking up from the bottom of a tall cliff, a woman's body falls off the top. She screams as she hits the rocks and ledges on her way down.) (She hits the bottom.) Warrick: (Warrick is at the top of the cliff looking down at the drop below.) (Sofia walks up to him and joins him at the cliff's edge.) Sofia: Rebecca McGill. She was taking a hike with her husband Gavin. He was taking photos. One second she was there, the next she was gone. He went for help. Warrick: Hiking accident? Sofia: Maybe. (Sofia looks around.) Sofia: It's going to take you some time to get down there. (Warrick puts his dark glasses on.) Warrick: It's better than the express route she took. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEVADA DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] (Camera moves low and fast along the desert terrain.) [EXT. NEVADA DESERT - CLIFFSIDE -- DAY] (The coroners are at the bottom of the cliff with Greg. Warrick is near the top.) Warrick: Okay, Mr. Boy Scout. Greg: Eagle Scout. I didn't earn a chestful of merit badges for nothing. (Greg puts a flagged marker near a piece of bloodied cloth.) Greg: You see anything interesting up there? INSERT: CGI VISUALIZATION (The victim's body falls down the cliffside.) Warrick: Well, looks like she bounced around a lot up here at the top before she caught air. (The CGI body hits the side of the cliff and vanishes as it comes to a stop at the bottom.) Greg: She was hot. Warrick: You pay for "hot," believe me. (Greg turns the head and sees the large empty hole in her skull.) Greg: It's a no-brainer. I guess that makes me the search party. (Greg starts climbing.) Warrick: Oh, I see it. You're getting warm. (Greg sees the bits of brain on the dirt.) Warrick: Hotter by the foot. (Greg continues climbing till he finds the brain in the grass.) Warrick: There you go. (Greg takes out a digital camera and snaps photos of the brain.) INSERT: CGI (Through the hole in the victim's head, the brain on the ground "rewinds" back into her skull.) Greg: It's hard to crack an egg without breaking the yolk. BACK TO SCENE. Warrick: That's amazing. (Greg shuffles over to the side and picks up a cell phone.) Greg: Don't think she'll be needing it, but ... I found her cell phone. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEVADA DESERT - TOP OF CLIFF - DAY] (Sofia and Warrick talk with Gavin McGill, Rebecca's husband. The body is wheeled on a gurney to the back of the coroner's van.) Gavin McGill: It was a bald eagle, and they're extremely rare, and Rebecca had to have a picture for our Christmas card. (He glances over at the body on the gurney.) Gavin McGill: (swallows) You take a picture, and you turn back around, and life as you know it is forever changed. Warrick: Sir, is that the camera that you used? Gavin McGill: Yeah. Warrick: May I see it? (He gives Warrick the camera. Warrick looks at the photos of Gavin and Rebecca.) Gavin McGill: This was supposed to be our second honeymoon. We fell in love at an Internet convention at the Hilton. Couldn't believe my luck. A model ... and a guy like me. Beauty and the geek. (There are six photos in the camera - a couple of Gavin and Rebecca; a couple of Rebecca showing off her wedding ring; and a couple of a flying eagle.) Warrick: What did you do after she fell? Gavin McGill: I ran to the edge, called down to her, and she didn't move. Sofia: Mr. McGill, you hiked to the ranger station for help. Why didn't you just use your cell phone? Gavin McGill: Bad reception. Sofia: You're free to go. But stay local. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENCIS AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins goes over his findings with Warrick.) Robbins: (re: the brain) Impressive that it remained intact. Warrick: I'd say. Robbins: So take a look at this. (CU of the victim's neck.) Robbins: The multiple embedded small rocks present in the neck area. (Camera zooms out.) Robbins: Also in the parietal and occipital scalp, suggest she landed head first. Extremity fractures, rib fractures, spine fracture -- all consistent with a fall. Multiple abrasions on the arms and legs. So I am guessing most were sustained before hitting the ground. Warrick: Well, I did find some blood on the rocks at the top of the cliff, as well as a piece of his shirt. Looks like it was a bumpy ride all the way down. Robbins: Yeah. Which could explain these abrasions. Warrick: She tore up her hands grabbing on to anything she could. Robbins: Severe lacerations on the backs of both hands and a broken right middle finger. Warrick: Was that sustained during the fall ... or did someone step on her hand? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Warrick is on his cell phone leaving a phone message for Tina.) Warrick: (to phone) Tina, baby, can you give me a call when you get this? Listen, I know we haven't been spending quality time with each other, but I was thinking tonight we could ... (Henry Andrews steps out of the lab. He's carrying a file folder.) Henry Andrews: Uh, Warrick - Oh. (He sees Warrick on the phone.) Henry Andrews: (whispers) I'll come back. (Warrick hangs up and puts his phone away.) Warrick: Work comes first. What's up? (They start walking down the hallway together.) Henry Andrews: Oh, uh, tox came back. I detected traces of sertraline in the vic's blood. It's a currently popular anti-depressant. She had moderate levels of alcohol, oh, six percent. Warrick: That's a dangerous combination. Henry Andrews: But it's not that unusual. Warrick: Well, would you let your wife drink if she was on medication? Henry Andrews: If I had a wife? No. (They walk out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Warrick and Sofia interview Gavin McGill.) Warrick: So let me get this straight. You took your depressed wife to the top of Red Rock Canyon, shared a bottle of wine, and then you went on a nature hike? Gavin McGill: What are you implying? Sofia: Did you know she was on anti-depressants? Gavin McGill: She made her living with her looks and, lately, she'd been worried about ... losing them. Sofia: Worried enough to kill herself? Gavin McGill: (smiles) I was going to take her to New York and then to Paris. We started talking about planning a family. Suicidal people don't make plans. Warrick: Maybe it wasn't a suicide, but then again, you're the only one left. You can say anything you want. Sofia: Let's just say your marriage wasn't so rosy. Alimony's a bitch. You get her drunk. It's cheap just to shove her off a cliff. Warrick: According to the coroner, the evidence suggests that her hands may have been stepped on. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Rebecca hangs off the edge of the cliff. Gavin steps on her hands and she falls. Rebecca screams. Her body hits the bottom.) BACK TO SCENE. Gavin McGill: You're right, Rebecca was drifting away. She became a different person. The meds weren't helping enough. I thought if I took her to Vegas, where we met, it would snap her out of it, but instead, she jumped. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Rebecca stands at the edge of the cliff. Gavin starts running to her.) Gavin McGill: No, no. (She jumps.) BACK TO SCENE. Gavin McGill: (crying) It is my fault. I never should've taken her out there. Sofia: Why didn't you just tell us this in the first place? Gavin McGill: Would you want people to know that your wife would rather be dead than spend another minute with you? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Warrick shows his findings to Grissom as they walk through the hallway. Grissom reads the report.) Warrick: Well, if he is lying, somebody should give him an Emmy award. Grissom: Well, there's plenty of physical evidence, but it's all ambiguous. Warrick: Yeah. Ultimately, I think he is responsible, whether he meant harm or not. Grissom: Well, you know, there's precedent for charging him with promoting a suicide attempt. It's reckless endangerment. There was a case in New York, but it's hard to make that charge stick. Warrick: Well, what if I can prove she tried to kill herself before? Grissom: How do you do that? Warrick: Well, I have her phone. I could go through the most recent calls. If I know women, the husband's usually the last person to know anything. (Grissom hands the file folder back to Warrick and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Warrick takes the cell phone out of the evidence bag, hooks it up to the computer and checks the RECENT CALLS. A list appears: (He copies the list to the hard drive. He checks the PICTURE HISTORY and finds the FOLDER IS EMPTY.) (He checks the CAMCORDER and finds VIDEO R1004.MP4.) (He plays the video.) (Rebecca and Gavin are struggling. She falls and he looms up above her. He steps closer, looks down at her, kicks her and she falls. The monitor goes black.) (Warrick is stunned.) INSERT: FLASHBACK (Gavin walks up to Rebecca. She turns and they struggle.) Rebecca McGill: Gavin, what are you doing? Gav ... wait ... No! No! (He pushes her off the cliff. She slides and manages to hang on to the edge.) Rebecca McGill: Wait! No - Oh, my God ... (Gavin steps up to her and kicks her hands.) (She falls.) END OF FLASHBACK. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Warrick shows Gavin the photo of him.) Warrick: We have a witness. Why did you kill your wife, Mr. McGill? Gavin McGill: You try having a hot wife. You pay for it every day. I want a lawyer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - MORGUE] (Rebecca shakes her head.) Rebecca McGill: I finally found a guy who liked me for my brains. Turns out he thought I didn't have any. (The door opens.) (A fourth body is rolled into the morgue in between Rebecca and another gurney on the far end with a red-haired man on it. The new body has a tattoo on his upper right arm.) (The door closes.) (Jack Day sits up and looks around.) Jack Day: Excuse me, ladies? Have you seen my wife? Her-her name's Cara. Rebecca McGill: No. Jack Day: Or my little girl? I had a beautiful little girl. She was only about that big. (He holds his arms as if carrying a baby.) You ain't seen her, have you? Donna Basset: (shakes her head) Nope. Just us. Jack Day: So they're not here? (He looks up and away. He exhales, relieved.) Jack Day: Okay. Then, it's okay. Anywhere but here, right? (He laughs, relieved.) Rebecca McGill: So, how'd you get here? Jack Day: Oh, ma'am, I thought the war was hell until I came to Vegas. [SCENE_BREAK] [BLACK SCREEN, WHITE TEXT] CHAPTER III: EMBALMY DAY CUE SOUNDS: (PRELAP) CAR TIRES SCREECH, CAR CRASHES [EXT. VEGAS STREET -- NIGHT] (Inside the car, a red-haired man is face-forward in his steering wheel.) (Outside, Nick ducks under the crime scene tape as Officer Linda Mendosa explains what happened.) Linda Mendosa: Knucklehead just blew the stop and ran right into the side of my car. (They walk toward the two cars - one black four-door smashed into the side of the officer car.) Nick: Damn. You're lucky -- I don't even see any skid marks. Linda Mendosa: Didn't even try to stop! Just dropped off my partner -- otherwise I would've been sitting in that passenger seat. (Nick snaps a photo and sees the blood on the outside driver's door handle.) Nick: Hey, Linda ... (Nick removes his camera from around his neck. He takes out a swab and preps it.) Nick: You didn't touch the outside of that door handle, did you? Linda Mendosa: No. I know better. Been to a couple of forensic classes taught by you lab guys. Reached in through the window to check his vitals -- he was dead. Paramedics pronounced; made sure no one touched anything. Nick: You did good. This might take a while, if you want to take a little break or something. Thanks. (Linda Mendosa leaves.) (Nick swabs some blood off the car door.) Robbins: (o.s.) Hey, Nick. Nick: Hey, Doc. What brings you out? Robbins: David's on a pickup, and he's got another two lined up after that. He's going for some sort of record. Nick: Dig in. (Robbins opens the car door and looks at the body as Nick walks around the car.) Robbins: What was going through his mind just before he crashed into the police cruiser? "I want to die today and take somebody with me"? Nick: Huh? Robbins: Nothing. (Robbins reaches in and removes the victim's wallet.) Robbins: Got a wallet. (He takes out the driver's license. It reads: CARIS, RUSSELL 50 VIKING CIRCLE LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 ) Robbins: Mr. Russell Caris. (Nick opens the passenger door and snaps a photo.) Robbins: He has dried blood on his hands and on the steering wheel but no bleeding wounds that could have contributed to it. (Nick finds a knife on the passenger seat.) Nick: This could explain the blood. (He holds it up. The blade is bloody.) Nick: Sofia ... (Sofia, who is on her phone, walks toward them. Robbins hands her the driver's license.) Robbins: Here you go. (She looks over at Nick.) Nick: You might want to put out a broadcast on Mr. Caris and his vehicle. (She shows him the knife.) Possible stabbing suspect. Sofia: Well, he's definitely good for something. I'll include the local hospitals in case they've had a stab victim. Robbins: Why wouldn't he have thrown that knife away? Nick: He's not smart. (Robbins laughs.) Robbins: This is natural selection. The dumb ones die. (Sofia hangs up.) Sofia: The good ones, too. I just found your stab victim. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GAS STATION -- DAY] (Officers tape off the area. A large American flag flies on the pole nearby.) (Nick and Sofia stand over the dead body.) Sofia: Patrol got a 415b call. Man with a knife. The paramedics rolled up soon after they did. The guy was already dead. Nick: Was he alone? Sofia: No. He was with his family. (Nick puts his sunglasses on and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Nick and Sofia talk with Cara Stone, Jack's wife. She's carrying her baby daughter.) Cara Stone: We were getting gas, and, uh, some lunatic came up ... (The baby starts crying.) Cara Stone: ... just stabbed my husband in the chest. My baby saw Jack get stabbed. Sofia: Did your husband know the man? Cara Stone: No. And Jack offered him his wallet. The guy just muttered something, just ... just stabbed Jack. And left the wallet. Why ... why did he do this? My ... my husband just met his daughter. Sofia: Wha ... what do you mean, he just met his daughter? Cara Stone: He just got back from his second tour in Iraq. Nick: Would you recognize this guy if you saw him again? (Cara nods.) (Nick shows her his digital camera view screen and a photo of the red-haired man from the car crash.) Nick: Is that him right there? Cara Stone: That's him. Well ... is he dead? Who is he? Why did he kill my husband? Nick: That's what I'm gonna find out for you. Why don't you go with this officer right now. She'll take care of you, all right? I'll do my best to keep you informed, ma'am, I promise. (Cara Stone and the officer leave. Nick and Sofia head back to the victim.) Sofia: Um ... I'll check with the clerk, see if his surveillance camera was working. Nick: Yeah, there's some-some ... oil and grease around the pump. I'll check the tire and ... shoe impressions. (They reach Jack. Nick sighs.) Sofia: Made it back from the war to die on the streets of Las Vegas. Nick: I'm telling you, no place is safe anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins reports his findings to Nick.) Robbins: Sergeant Jack Day was in top condition except for the single stab wound to his chest. Knife entered the fourth intercostal space, transected the fourth intercostal muscle, and the left internal mammary artery. COD's exsanguination. Nick: What about the crash-test dummy here? (Nick and Robbins turn to the body on the second table.) Robbins: Interesting case. He has intense erythema of the tracheal mucosa extending down into the main stem bronchi. INSERT: CGI ENHANCEMENT (The victim inhales. An x-ray view of the victim's chest shows the smoke entering into his lungs and turning the lungs black.) BACK TO SCENE Nick: You don't get that from an auto accident, do you? Robbins: No. You get it from inhalation of some caustic poison or drug. I sent samples to Tox. Nick: Okay, good. So ... COD? Robbins: Well, the impact of the accident caused the first cervical vertebrae to tear away from his skull, lacerating the brain stem. Nick: His skull separated from his spine. Robbins: Exactly. Nick: Should've been wearing a seat belt. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Nick and Archie are reviewing surveillance tapes from the gas station. On the monitor, they watch the car crash victim get out of his car and stagger over to Jack Day, who is filling his car up with gas.) (Jack backs away from him. The attacker takes out a knife. Jack reaches into his back pocket and takes his wallet out. He offers it to the attacker.) (We push into the monitor and see the scene as a flashback. Jack backs away.) Jack Day: No! (The attacker stabs Jack in the chest.) BACK TO SCENE. (Archie shakes his head.) Archie: Well, why'd he stab him? I mean, it's not like he put up a fight. Nick: And why does he pick the biggest guy at the station? Archie: You think that guy in the back would be an easier target. Nick: Rewind it back to this fool getting out of the Buick. (Archie rewinds the video and they watch it again. The attacker gets out of the car and staggers as he heads for Jack.) Nick: He seems disoriented, shaky ... high on something. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] Henry Andrews: (V.O.) He had fairly high levels of THC in his blood. [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Henry Andrews shares his findings with Nick.) Henry Andrews: 97 nanograms per milliliter. Nick: THC? That's it? Henry Andrews: Isn't that what you were looking for? Nick: No, I was kind of thinking there was something else in there. You should've seen this guy -- he was acting really ... sketched out. Henry Andrews: Sometimes people are just crazy. [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Nick examines the smashed-up Buick. He opens the ashtray and finds a joint.) [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Henry Andrews is holding the joint Nick found in the ashtray. He reports his findings to Nick.) Henry Andrews: Well, you're persistent, I'll give you that. I tested the remaining marijuana in the paper wrapper. You were right. The joint was dipped. Nick: PCP? Henry Andrews: No. Embalming fluid. Nick: "Embalming fluid" is the street name for PCP. Henry Andrews: Yeah, but I don't use street names when I don't mean to. No, I mean real, inject-into-a-dead-person embalming fluid, made of formaldehyde, methanol, ethanol, all that bad stuff. Nick: So this guy was smoking wet. [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Grissom and Nick talk.) Grissom: Well, the embalming fluid would make the marijuana burn slower, giving it more chance to be absorbed, creating a longer lasting high, I would imagine. Nick: So, now, what do I tell Sergeant Day's widow? A retired Marine who served two tours in Iraq. That-that all this is about getting higher? Grissom: You got to tell her the truth. [INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM - DAY] (Nick talks with Cara Stone.) Cara Stone: (crying) It-it was ... it was just random? That's the reason I don't have a husband? That's why? Nick: (softly) I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MORGUE] (Back in the morgue, Jack Day smiles.) Rebecca McGill: So after all that, how can you be happy? Jack Day: (shakes his head) You don't get it. This is the best week of my life. I got to hold my baby girl. (He looks at her and winks. He lies back down on the morgue table and closes his eyes, a small smile on his face.) (Suddenly, Lou Beltran, a dark-haired man on the gurney at the far end of the line-up, sits up. He looks around and swears violently.) Lou Beltran: Oh, son of a bitch! (The man on the gurney next to him also sits up. He's missing his left arm.) Ray Gaynor: Let me tell you something, you got nothing to bitch about here. (Ray Gaynor puts a cigarette in his mouth with his good right hand. Donna Basset watches wide-eyed as Ray tries to open a matchbook with his right hand.) Donna Basset: I don't think you can smoke in here. Lou Beltran: Nah. Let him try. Rebecca McGill: No, you guys, we're gonna be here a long time. Let's just try to keep it pleasant, okay? Lou Beltran: (angry) I'm not even supposed to be here. Ray Gaynor: Tell me about it. Cue Sound: (PRE-LAP) CHAINSAW WHIRRING [BLACK SCREEN, WHITE TEXT] CHAPTER IV: THE NEVADA CHAINSAW MASSACRE CUE SOUNDS: (PRELAP) CHAINSAW WHIRRING CONTINUES, TWO MEN SCREAMING, CHAINSAW STRIKES SOMETHING HARD AND STOPS. [CU: A WEDDING PHOTO] (A man in a suit and a woman in her wedding gown smile happily at the camera.) [EXT. BELTRAN RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - DAY] (Camera pulls back and we see the framed photo in the trash bin.) (Brass joins up with Grissom and Sara as they all head for the house.) Brass: The hot weather, the full moon, too many people moving to Vegas. Whatever the reason, the natives are restless. (points) Scene's in the garage. (On their way up the driveway, Sara and Grissom see a splotch of something messy on the center of the concrete.) Sara: Well, that's not a good sign. Grissom: Bacon and eggs? (They both stop and examine the mess. Brass waves them to continue up the driveway.) Brass: Yeah, no, you know, don't bother about that. That's the water delivery boy. He lost his breakfast, and his bottle. (They continue up the driveway and walk past the water bottle on the ground.) Brass: He said the house belonged to a guy named Lou Beltran. Grissom: Is he one of the victims? Brass: He couldn't tell. The door's been forced. (They reach the garage door and see that it's partially opened.) [INT. BELTRAN RESIDENCE - GARAGE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The door creaks open and Sara steps inside. The garage is a mess. There are two dead bodies; one of them has their left arm completely severed and is lying in a pool of blood. The second body is nearby in another pool of blood, a bloodied chainsaw between them. Broken furniture covered with a layer of blood spatter is scattered around the room.) (Sara and Grissom both remove their sunglasses. They're stunned by what they're looking at.) Sara: I thought this only happened in the movies. VARIOUS CUTS OF THE DEAD BODIES Grissom: Life imitates art. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BELTRAN RESIDENCE - GARAGE - DAY] VARIOUS CUTS OF THE DEAD BODIES (The camera flashes as Grissom stands on top a ladder and takes photos of the blood-spatter patterns on the ceiling.) (Finished, he checks out the ceiling to make sure he's got it all. Then, he checks out Sara, who is printing the door, her head down and concentrating on her work.) Grissom: Okay. You first. (Grissom climbs down the ladder.) Sara: All right. Kicked-in door, one bloody chainsaw, two dead bodies. Someone broke in, cut up the two guys, left the murder weapon and split. (Grissom looks at the furniture cut into pieces.) Grissom: What about all this mess, the furniture and appliances? Sara: Some of the furniture looks new. Some of it's cut up, some of it's not. (She puts her printing powder and brush down. She steps into the room as she theorizes.) Maybe they were cutting it up when the assailant came in. Grissom: That's a workable theory for now. (Grissom snaps photos of the blood spatter on the furniture.) (Sara sits on a nearby overturned tub.) Sara: You know what this reminds me of? The first time we met. San Francisco. Your lecture. Double murder in a garage. I'd heard you were a little ... dull as a speaker, but you can't rely on your first blush. (beat) Sara: That was the, uh, subject of your talk. Grissom: I believe I said first opinions are crucial, but if the evidence changes, so must the theory. Sara: Exactly. (Brass steps into the room, putting his gloves on. He stops at the doorway.) Brass: Hey. Any ID on them yet? Grissom: We're still working our way in. Brass: Well, you know, I'm kinda stuck until I know who they are, so, uh ... Sara, do me a favor, will you? Reach into that barbecue and hand me his wallet. Sara: Sure. (Sara carefully steps near the body and reaches down to pull out the wallet from the man's pants pocket. She hands it to Brass.) Brass: Thank you. (He checks out the driver's license. It belongs to: GAYNOR, RAY 31160 DESERT WAY HENDERSON, NV ) Brass: This guy doesn't live here. This is Ray Gaynor, lives a few houses down. (Grissom stops taking photos and looks up from his camera. Sara points to the other body.) Sara: Maybe the other one's Lou. Brass: I don't know, but I'd bet my right arm that's his left arm. (Grissom tosses them a look.) (Brass chuckles. Sara stifles a smile.) Brass: I'm gonna see if the one-arm man has a wife who knows how to operate a chainsaw. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Someone wielding a chainsaw attacks Ray Gaynor.) BACK TO SCENE [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins shares his findings with Grissom. Both bodies are out in the room.) Robbins: It was a jagged, sharp force injury to the base of the neck on the right side. Wound extends down and left laterally from the right shoulder to the left hip. Wound becomes shallow and then separates into individual incisions. (Grissom notes the watch tan on the victim's right wrist.) Robbins: Directionality of the individual wounds is from bottom to top. Grissom: All chainsaws operate the same way, right? (Robbins nods.) Chain travels around the bar, teeth move away from the operator around the top and come back on the bottom. Robbins: Mm-hmm. Grissom: So, if our guy, Lou, was attacked from the front, the teeth would hit him from a downward angle. Robbins: Leaving downward wounds instead of the upward wounds you see here. Grissom: So ... what? He was attacked from behind? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Sara is swabbing blood off the chainsaw when Grissom walks in.) Sara: Guess who owns the chainsaw. (Grissom puts his glasses on and looks at the etching on the plastic: RAY GAYNOR Grissom: Ray Gaynor. The neighbor. Sara: I also found bits of wood and metal shavings on the inside of the cover plate, consistent with the furniture and appliances. The teeth on the chain are dull, probably from cutting them up. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- DAY] (Brass interviews Lou's wife, Julia Beltran. She's also the woman in the framed wedding photo found in the trash outside the house.) Julia Beltran: Don't tell me Lou cut up my mother's headboard. Brass: Was it blue? (She takes a deep breath. She nods.) Brass: Sorry. Julia Beltran: How about my dining room set? Brass: Um ... I think there's a couple of chairs left. Julia Beltran: Damn that man. Everything I asked for in the divorce. Did he get the living room furniture? Brass: No. Julia Beltran: Figures. That was going to be his. Well, now it's mine. The bstrd can rot in hell. Brass: So, Mrs. Beltran, I assume the divorce wasn't final. Julia Beltran: No. Lou held it up out of spite. Brass: Hmm. Do you know Ray Gaynor? Julia Beltran: Decent guy. Never married. Lots of women around, though. Pretty handy with his tools. Brass: Uh-huh. Julia Beltran: Halfwit would go over there and Ray'd teach him how to do things. Too bad he never taught him how to be more of a man. Brass: Look, I gotta ask you this -- where were you last night? Julia Beltran: Thirty-two thousand feet over the Pacific with 300 other people. Brass: So you were in a plane. Julia Beltran: I'm a flight attendant. But go ahead and ask me if I'm sorry he's dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Sara wheels a dummy into the mini plastic room they've put up. Grissom goes to stand next to the other dummy already there. Each dummy has a white foam strip covering the saw cuts for the person they represent --- Grissom's dummy has a foam strip on its left shoulder and Sara's dummy has a foam strip across its chest.) Sara: Where do you want him? Grissom: Put him under the Lou Beltran spatter. And load him up. (On the ceiling are red lines indicating the blood spatter similar to that found at the crime scene. Sara positions the dummy in the right spot.) VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF SARA AND GRISSOM BOTH SPRAYING BLUE INK OVER THE WHITE FOAM STRIPS ON THE DUMMIES. (When they're finished, they put their spray bottles down. Grissom picks up his chainsaw.) (Grissom powers up his chainsaw and cuts downward into the foam strip. The blue paint spatters on the ceiling plastic in the opposite direction of the red spatter.) (Grissom stops and looks up.) Sara: Blue test paint is not lining up with the red known spatter. Grissom: Well, the body's in the correct relative position. But the angle's off. Sara: What could throw the angle off? (Grissom looks at the ceiling and at the chainsaw. He tries to line it up.) Grissom: I don't know, but it's very awkward to try and line this up. (Sara watches him for a moment, then gets an idea.) Sara: You know ... (She reaches for the chainsaw and takes it from Grissom.) Sara: ... what if you line it up switching hands, like this? (Sara holds the chainsaw differently. She powers it up and cuts into the foam. The blue ink spatter lines up with the red spatter.) Sara: Ray Gaynor's killer was left-handed. Grissom: Lou Beltran wore his watch on his right wrist. INSERT: PHOTO FLASH OF LOU BELTRAN'S RIGHT ARM. BACK TO SCENE. Grissom: I bet he was left-handed. (Sara lifts up her mask.) Sara: So ... Lou could have killed Ray, cut off his arm ... but who killed Lou? Grissom: Doc Robbins said that the cuts on Lou's body were made when the chain was traveling upwards. (Sara motions with the chainsaw. Grissom's eyes widen.) Sara: Well, if I attacked you, the chain would be traveling downwards when held normally by a left-or a right-handed person. Grissom: Which means that the top of the chain had to be facing him. Sara: The way that this works, is if Lou was holding the saw. (Sara steps back.) Sara: The chain was dull from cutting up his wife's things. The wife told Brass that he wasn't very handy. Grissom: An inexperienced left-handed operator with a dull chainsaw certainly increases the risk for injury. (Sara lifts the saw straight upward and back toward her.) Sara: Kickback. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. BELTRAN RESIDENCE - GARAGE - DAY] (Lou Beltran is using Ray's saw to cut up his wife's furniture.) Ray Gaynor: You don't know what you're doing! (Ray grabs Lou from behind, trying to get him to stop.) Lou Beltran: I know exactly what I'm doing! (Lou pushes Ray away from him. He swings the chainsaw around and cuts Ray.) (Ray screams.) (Blood spatters on the ceiling.) (He hits the floor with a thud.) BACK TO SCENE. [INT. MORGUE - DAY] (Grissom is in the morgue teaching the class. They surround the bodies on the tables. He summarizes.) Grissom: So he chainsawed his wife's furniture and appliances, the metal dulled the blade, and the kickback from the chainsaw is what killed him. Smart Girl: So it was an accident. Grissom: How many of you are right-handed? (Most everyone raises their hands.) Grissom: Left-handed? (The smart girl raises her hand.) Grissom: Twenty-five hundred left-handed people die each year using products designed for right-handed people. Smart Girl: Okay, but how do you know there wasn't a third person that killed both of them? Grissom: A third person would have left shoe impressions in the blood, various other sign -- there was none. Smart Girl: You're absolutely certain? Grissom: Part of being a CSI is learning to work in the absence of absolute certainty. Each and every case brings us a new opportunity to learn something. For instance, in the case of Donna Basset, we can see that there is no such thing as an insignificant detail. (He points to Rebecca McGill.) Here, the evidence itself can bear witness. Don't just look for what you think you're going to find. (He points to Jack Day.) And this one, never impose logic on an illogical act. (Then to Ray and Lou.) And finally, if the evidence changes, your theory must change as well. Questions? (The male student raises his hand.) Male Student: How do you deal with the smell? Grissom: You get used to it. Male Student: I'm not sure I can do this. Grissom: Well, not everyone can. Smart Girl: Why do you do it? Grissom: Because the dead can't speak for themselves. (They look at each other.) TOP VIEW DOWN (The students and Grissom leave the room. We hold on the six bodies in the morgue.)	Plan: A: their own murder investigations; Q: What do the deceased victims in the CSI coroner's office give voice to for the first time? A: Catherine; Q: Who investigated the drowning victim found in an elevator? A: a woman; Q: Who fell off a cliff? A: Iraq; Q: Where was the soldier stabbed after returning from? A: Nick; Q: Who investigated the soldier stabbed in Iraq? A: two victims; Q: How many victims of a chainsaw massacre were investigated by Grissom and Sara? Summary: The deceased victims in the CSI coroner's office give voice to their own murder investigations for the first time: a drowning victim found in an elevator investigated by Catherine, a woman who fell off a cliff investigated by Warrick, Sophia and Greg, a soldier stabbed just after returning from Iraq investigated by Nick, and two victims of a chainsaw massacre investigated by Grissom and Sara.
(Meredith's house) (Meredith is coming home to the townhouse after walking their dog, Doc. It's pouring outside) MVO: It's an urban myth that suicide rates spike at the holidays. Turns out, they actually go down. (Izzie is decorating a massive Christmas tree in the living room. Very, very impressive) MVO: Experts think that people are less inclined to off themselves when surrounded by family. (Meredith is entering the house. Doc runs into the living room and Meredith stands in the hallway astounded by the level of decorating Izzie has taken. George comes in his pajama's looking half asleep and stands next to Meredith also taken aback by the decorations) George: Looks like Santa threw up in here. Meredith (nods): Just... go with it. We're being supportive. Izzie (finally notices them): Oh, hey! What do you think? (They both fake smile back) Did I go too overboard? Oh, I know, I know sometimes I can go a little overboard. (Meredith and George speak at the same time) George: No, we love it. Meredith: It's great. Izzie (big ass smile): Oh yay! I love Christmas. Meredith: We know. George (forced smile): Clearly. MVO: Ironically, that same family togetherness is thought to be the reason depression rates actually do spike at the holidays. (Izzie turns back to decorating the living room. Meredith and George give each other looks. Izzie turns around and gives the another big smile) MVO: Yeah, okay Izzie doesn't count. (Burke's apartment) (Burke is sitting at the kitchen bench, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee. Cristina comes rushing in dressed ready to go work and heads to grab coffee to go. She smiles at Burke and instantly stops when she sees a tiny little undecorated Christmas tree standing on the coffee table. She gives Burke a look. He turns and sees what she's giving him the look for) Burke: I ... thought you might like to help me decorate it tonight. Mark our first Christmas together. Cristina (pours coffee into her mug): I'm Jewish. (Burke takes a large swallow of his coffee) Burke: Seriously? Cristina: My Step-father. Saul Rubenstein. (She grabs her keys and heads to the door) Burke: Oh right. Right. (She leaves the apartment) Burke: Right. (He looks slightly off put and looks back at his Christmas tree) (SGH) (Bailey is looking quite pregnant walking down a hallway. She's taking a few deep breaths. Meredith, George, Izzie, Cristina and Alex tailing follow her a few feet behind her) George (to Meredith): Look at her belly. She's almost as wide as she is tall. (Izzie grins at this) Meredith: Are her ankles swollen? Is that why she's waddling? Izzie: What's gonna happen to us when she goes on leave? Cristina: Leave? She's going on leave? Meredith: What do you think happens when people push babies out of their vaginas? George (chuckles): Do you think we're gonna get a new resident? Cristina: What? Alex: Nah. Probably just let us all walk around unattended. See how much damage we can do. (They stop walking as Bailey has stopped at a nurse's station still a few feet away.) Izzie: Yeah, well you would know. (Izzie rounds to the front, suddenly smiling) Hey you guys, we should all get together and get Bailey a Christmas gift for the baby. Or we could um organize some sort of secret Santa thing. Cristina (looks less than impressed): Ok, listen Tiny Tim you can take --- (Meredith and George move quickly to block Cristina and interrupt her loudly) George: Sounds great. Meredith: Secret Santa sounds great Izzie. Izzie (smiles): Ok. (She turns around and starts heading off to Bailey. George and Meredith turn to face Cristina. Cristina has a 'what the hell' look on her face) Meredith: We're being supportive. (They are all walking down another hall but this time Meredith is the one lagging. Derek is close behind and calls out to her) Derek (solemn): Hey. (Meredith stops and waits for him) Meredith: Hey. You ok? You seem ... Derek: Yeah. (He sighs) You know ... Holidays. Meredith: Oh, yeah. I do know. Derek: Hmm. (She walks off) (Tim Epstein's patient room. He is a new patient. His wife is sitting on a chair nearby and his 3 young boisterous kids are playing around the room. Derek is in there and Bailey and her interns walk in) Meredith: Tim Epstein, 38. Fell off the roof of his house. Tim: I was stringing Hanumas lights and ah a shingle came loose. Izzie: Hanumas? Tim: Hanumas. Chrismakkuh. We ah go all out. Izzie (broad smile): Awesome. Mrs. Epstein: He fell 12 feet. Tim: Ah good news is my head broke my fall. (One of his daughters flings a rubber lizard which smacks Derek's face) Meredith: Ah there are no visible deformities but he's definitely having some focal left arm weakness. Mrs. Epstein: He'll probably be fine. He's always been a little hard-headed. (Mr. Epstein chuckles but quickly moans slightly in pain) Derek: Does your head hurt when you laugh? Tim: Is that a bad thing? Derek: Do you wanna follow my finger with your eyes, please? (He moves his finger from side to side in front of Mr. Epstein's face. Mr. Epstein's son, Jake jumps of his bed and jumps onto the adjacent one and sits up in front of Bailey) Jake: I know karate. Bailey: Mmm Hmm. (He whacks the jug sitting on the table which Izzie quickly removes) Ah. (Bailey moves quickly away to where Mrs. Epstein is sitting) Bailey: You know your husband might need a little ah quiet so there's a cafeteria right down the hall ... Tim (interrupts): No, no, no. Let them stay. Pain or no I don't want to miss out on the holidays with my kids. Derek: Who would like to take ah Mr. Epstein down for a CT? (Only Izzie puts her hand up very eagerly) Derek: Stevens it is. (Patient's room with a young woman named Nadia Shelton lying in bed. She is surrounded by various family members who are speaking loudly. Nadia looks exasperated but is quiet. George walks in with her chart. The chief walks also walks in up to her bed. And Bailey, Alex, Meredith and Cristina follow) George: Ah, Nadia Shelton. 41. Scheduled for excision of her gastric ulcer. (He hands the chart over to Richard) Nadia's mother: Lot of good it's done us. She's been scheduled for three days. Nadia: Mom. It's not his fault. Jimmy (her husband): Everyday, she gets rescheduled for some emergencies. Richard: Yeah well we're very, very sorry for the inconvenience. Nadia's Mother: Inconvenience? You watch your child spend 3 days in pain and then come and talk to me about inconvenience. Richard: We get a lot of trauma cases at the holidays. Your daughter's ulcer is serious but it's not critical. Ernie (Nadia's father, pointing to the tv that is on loud): Is that? Is that the news? Jimmy: Are you saying that my wife is not important? Is that what he's saying? Is that what I hear. (Everyone starts talking loudly and all at once) Richard: Alright! Uh, Dr. O'Malley prep Mrs. Shelton for her ulcer excision which will happen this morning! (He leaves) Nadia's Mother: Thank you! Ernie, Ernie! I am so happy! We're going to go the Needle! (Everybody leaves aside from George. Nadia is left looking a little unsure) (Bailey, Cristina, Meredith and Alex are walking down a hospital hallway) Bailey: Grey, Karev cover the pit. You can expect all sorts of holiday idiocy so that is my gift to you. Yang ... (Burke who walks down the hallway up to Bailey and the gang, interrupts) Burke: Dr. Bailey, UNOS just called. They have a donor heart for a patient of mine. (Cristina, Alex and Meredith jump at this) Cristina: I'm free. I'm totally free right. Alex: I can totally do this. Meredith: I'm free. Alex: I'm available. (Bailey gives Alex and Meredith scolding looks) Bailey: No you're not! You're covering the pit. (she turns to Cristina) Yang, it's yours. Cristina: Thank you. Bailey: Pit! (Alex and Meredith wander off down the hallway) Alex: Damn. Heart transplant. Would've liked to have seen that. Meredith: There's always tomorrow. Alex: Yeah, well maybe for you. Meredith: Meaning? Alex: I re-take the boards tomorrow. Pretty sure I'm gonna fail. Which makes today my last day here and I get to spend it doing stitches in the pit. (He walks into the male's toilets) (Burke and Cristina are walking down a hallway. Cristina is taking notes) Burke: So when does Hanukkah fall this year? (Cristina looks up surprised) Cristina: Uh, no idea. Burke: Oh. Well if there any more traditions you want me to be aware of ... Cristina (interrupts): Oh no Burke seriously, I haven't observed religious holidays since I was old enough to know better. (Burke looks off put by this and Cristina walks off) (Burke and Cristina are entering a patient's room. This is the heart transplant patient, a small young black boy named Justin. His mother is there with him) Burke: Good morning Justin. Marion. Marion: Morning. Justin: Hi Dr. Burke. Burke: I'm here with good news. Great news. Marion (smiles): You don't mean that ... Burke: UNOS called. We have a heart. (Marion smiles and chuckles happily) Burke: I'll operate this morning. Marion: You hear that baby? Santa Claus is bringing you a new heart for Christmas. Justin (looks annoyed and turns to Burke): Tell that fat ass to give it to someone else. I don't want it. (Burke and Marion look uncomfortable at this while Cristina just looks on amused) Marion: Sorry Dr. Burke, he's tired today. Justin: I'm tired everyday. I hate Christmas everyday. And I rather not have another stupid operation. Burke: Justin, I know surgery can be frightening but you need this heart. You've worn out your last one. Cristina: His last one? Burke: Justin had a heart transplant as a baby but his heart hasn't aged as well as he has. You understand that Justin? Your heart just can't keep up with you anymore. You need a new one. Justin: I don't care. I don't want it. Burke: Can you tell me why not? (Justin just looks down. Burke looks at Marion for answers but she is silent) (Bailey is walking down the OR hallway up to Richard who's standing in front of an OR board) Richard: Anxiety attacks, aneurysms and ulcers. Bailey: Huh. Must be December. (Patricia, Richard's assistant walks up to them) Patricia: Chief, Adele just called. Richard: Tell her I'm in ... Patricia (cuts off Richard): She knows you're not in surgery and she said to tell you, quote "We are going to our niece's school pageant this morning. You have known about it for months and after what you pulled on Thanksgiving" (Bailey grins madly) and then she started to use a great many words that I don't feel comfortable repeating. Richard: I have 7 surgeons on vacation. Patricia: And there was something about divorce. (Richard contemplates this grudgingly) Richard (to Bailey): You'll have to cover my ulcer excision. Bailey: Yes, sir. (Richard starts walking down the hallway with Patricia) Richard: Woman is unreasonable! When did watching a 6 year old dressed up like a wiseman ... (His voice trails off as he gets further away from Bailey who looks tiredly with her arms cradling her head at the O.R board) (Meredith and Alex are at the emergency doors outside leading to the pit. An ambulance officer pulls down a man lying on a gurney) Paramedic: Male. 44. Had a gastric by-pass. 3 weeks post-op. Reported extreme pain when we found him. Said something about fruitcake. (Meredith checks the patient) Meredith: Must've torn his abdomen wide open. (She turns back to Alex) You're going to have to fight me for this one. Alex: He's all yours. My parting gift. (He walks away despondent. Meredith just looks after him) (Derek and Addison are walking down a hallway. Addison is excitedly looking through a Christmas catalogue while Derek walks beside her looking less than enthused) Addison: Ok for your mom, I got a lamb's wool blanket, hand made in Edinburgh. It's soft, comfortable and says don't hate me for hurting your son except with fabric. Derek (tiredly): Addie, you know my mom loves you. Addison: No, she used to love me. I got a lot of ground to make up for with these gifts. (she holds the catalogue to Derek) So what do you think? Plain or plaid? Derek: Uh I dunno, whatever you know. Addison: But you love Christmas shopping. Derek: I'm just really not in the mood for it right now, ok? Addison: Ok well how about French food and Scottish catalogues tonight around 9? Derek: Uh, um I guess that depends what time I get out of here ... (Izzie who is scanning the hallway a few feet away and is obviously looking for someone calls out) Izzie: Dr. Shepherd! Derek: What? Izzie: I have Tim Epstein's CT scans back. Derek: Ah good. (He quickly walks away from Addison and over to Izzie eager to get away from the situation. Addison stops smiling and looks on disappointed) Derek: What do you think? Izzie: It's not great Derek: Oh no that's not great at all. (Nadia Shelton's room. Her annoying family is still there. George is in there) Jimmy (holds a catalogue up to Nadia): Honey-bunny what do you think of this scooter? George: Ah I need to take her blood pressure. (Josh, Nadia's son is playing his gameboy loudly while his Grandfather, Ernie yells at him. Mrs. Shelton also starts speaking loudly. Nadia just looks upset) George (tries to talk to Nadia): Any questions about the surgery? Jimmy: Apart from when you're actually going to do it. George: We're doing it now. Jimmy: Good. Nadia (to George quietly): I'm sorry. Jimmy: Don't apologize. George: Do you have any questions? Nadia: No. I've had 3 bleeding ulcers in the last 5 years. Jimmy: Yeah, I hope you read the chart. George: Yes. Jimmy: Good. (Alex is studying on a hospital bed in the abandoned hallway hangout) (Meredith enters the Scrubs room adjacent to an O.R. Bailey and George are in there preparing for Nadia's surgery) Meredith: Dr. Bailey, gastric perforation just came in. Bailey: Damn. (George has look that says this can't be happening) Uh, um alright. (She pats George) Take Mrs. Shelton back to her room. George: Seriously? Bailey: Do I look like I'm kidding? Tell her we'll get to her this afternoon. (George heads into the O.R annoyed) Grey call the E.R, tell them to send him up and then scrub in. (Meredith nods) Meredith: Ah, Alex Karev failed his boards and he's re-taking them tomorrow. He can't study for a practical by himself. If he fails again he's out. Bailey: Ok, go. (Meredith runs off. Bailey presses the intercom button and speaks into the O.R) Bailey: O'Malley. George: Yeah? Bailey: After you drop her off, get back here and scrub in. George: Alright. Bailey: Ok. (O.R where Justin is lying on a table ready for surgery. The anesthesiologist is trying to put the mask on Justin to put him to sleep) Anesthesiologist: Okay, Justin ... Justin: No, I told you I don't want the heart. Why are you doing this? (Cristina who is in there walks up) Cristina: Cause you need it. And until you're 18 your mother calls all the shots. Justin: My mother is a liar. You heard her. She said the heart came from Santa Claus. She shouldn't get to decide anything. Cristina: Yeah, well you could make a run for it but the heart you have won't get you very far. (Burke enters the OR) Burke: Are we ready? Anesthesiologist: Just about. Burke (to Justin): How bout you buddy? Are you ready? Justin: If I die in this surgery can you give this heart to some other kid? Burke: Not gonna happen Justin. Not on my watch. (The anesthesiologist puts the mask on Justin) Anesthesiologist: Here we go. (Justin falls to sleep) (Mr. Epstein's Room. His two young daughters, one named Leah are sitting on his bed with him; Mrs. Epstein & Jake are lying down on an empty bed next to them) Daughter: And it was only one day of oil. Tim: And then what happened? Leah: It lasted 8 whole days and nights! Daughter: And it was a miracle! Jake: I wanted to say that part! (Izzie and Derek knock and enter the room) Izzie: Mr. Epstein, I'm sorry to interrupt. You remember Dr. Shepherd? Derek: Um, should we talk more privately? Mrs. Epstein (shakes her head): Just tell us, is it bad? Derek: The fall has caused a subdural hematoma. Leah: I don't even know what that means. Derek: That means your dad ... his brain is bleeding. Leah (looks down upset): Great. Derek: Look, there are some risks to the surgery, it has to happen before the bleeding gets worse. Mrs. Epstein: What kind of risks? Derek: The bleed is uh in an area of the brain that controls the um speech and the motor control. Jake: We don't need operation, ok? Tim: You know, Jake I think we do. (Derek shakes his head to Izzie) Mrs. Epstein (to Jake): Hey honey, you know something else? Jake: What? Mrs. Epstein: We have a doctor named Shepherd. Tim: Shepherd. Is that a sign from God or what? (Derek looks a little weirded out by that comment. Izzie just smiles at him) (OR with Justin's surgery. Dr. Burke and Cristina are there performing the surgery. Burke has finished placing the transplant into Justin) Burke: Look at that. Beautiful fit. Now all we have to do is to figure out why he is so angry. Cristina: If I had that mother I'd be angry too. (A nurse passes a surgical tool to Burke) Actually I do have that mother. Burke: His mother is not the problem here. She loves him, she never leaves. Cristina: She also never listens. She doesn't know him. Burke: Justin's depressed. You heard him. He doesn't want to live. I just hope he changes his mind before it's too late. Cristina: Uh what do you mean too late? Burke: With all medical realities being equal, why does one patient live and another dies? I believe there's a mind-body-spirit connection. And if Justin really doesn't want this heart, his body will reject it. Cristina: Ok, let me get this straight. You don't just celebrate Christmas, you actually believe in Santa Claus? (The scrub nurses and interns watching all look amused at this and give each other looks) Burke: Dr. Yang, go and schedule a psychiatric consult for our patient. Cristina: We're, we're not done here. Burke: You are. (The scrub nurses and interns again give each other looks. Cristina sighs and moves away from the operating table) (Deserted hallway, hospital hangout. Meredith is lying on a bed, pretending to be a patient while Alex paces up and down hall walking by the bed) Meredith (in a creepy old woman's voice): I don't know. It hurts here and here and back here. (Alex stops walking in front of the bed) Alex: Any chance you got hit by a truck and forgot about it? (Meredith sits up and speaks normally) Meredith: You're judged on bedside manner Alex. I wouldn't be surprised that's why you failed the last time. Alex: Could you be any more patronizing? I didn't ask for your help. Meredith: Enough with the ego! You big baby! I gave up a surgery for this! (she lies back down and goes back to creepy old woman's voice) Now like I said, it hurts here, and here and back here. Oh and this morning I noticed my poop was a funny grayish color. (Alex looks less than amused) (Bailey and George are in the OR, operating on the gastric perforation guy) George: Wow, that's all you can save of his stomach. Bailey: Yup. Eating is what this man lives for. We should put him out of his misery. George: Paging, Dr. Karevian. (Everybody in the OR laughs except Bailey) Bailey: What did you just say? George: Just, it's a joke. Kevorkian, karevian. (Bailey just stares at him) Alex Karev. Bailey: I get the joke. I just don't think it's funny. (She holds up a scalpel) You see this O'Malley. I make one mistake with this scalpel and this man's dead. My husband, he makes mistakes at his job all the time. As far as I know he's never killed anyone but I have and you will and Alex did. He made a math mistake and a man died for it. Run that past your accountant. See how he'd feel if every mistake he made, someone ended up dead. You don't have to like Alex, you don't have to care about him, but you damn well have to be on his side. (George just stands there, looking sufficiently told-off) (Derek is in the OR with Izzie, just starting to operate on Mr. Epstein) Izzie: What a great family. Hanumas. Chrismakkuh. And how cute are those kids? Derek (sarcastic): Really Dr. Stevens. Chrismakkuh. Izzie: I think it's sweet. Derek: Do you happen to know what time of year neurosurgeon's are the busiest Dr. Stevens? Izzie: No, there's a time of year? Derek: Well there's no hard or fast rule but brain injuries tend to pile up around the holidays. Like our friend here. Folks fall of their roofs while they string up lights or they go skating for the first time in a decade, break their heads open. (Izzie looks slightly ill at this and looks worse by the time he stops talking) And every year people drive through blizzards to get to parties where the kiss germ-infected strangers under poisonous mistletoe and then they get so drunk they smash their heads against their windshield on their way home. Like I said, there's no hard or fast rule. (Deserted /closed down hallway. Alex is pushing against Meredith's stomach) Alex: Does this hurt, Mrs. Grey? Meredith (old voice): Yes Doctor. Alex (reaches under her back): How bout here, does it hurt here? Meredith: Yes it does. (Cristina walks in to the hallway and stops when she sees the previous scenario before her. Her mouth hangs open in shock) Cristina: Okay, seriously if you're that lonely there are excellent vibrators. I can give you a catalogue. Meredith (normal voice): He failed his medical boards. I'm helping him study. Cristina (walks up to them): You failed your practical? Alex: Glad to know you can keep a secret, Grey. Meredith: I kept your secret; it didn't do you any good. He needs our help. Cristina: Oh, you're not serious. Meredith: What if it were you? Cristina: It wouldn't be. Meredith: But what if it were? Cristina: It wouldn't be. (Meredith gets paged. She gets up off the bed) Meredith: I have to go. Be a patient. Do it for me. Cristina: Fine, but when Tiny Tim goes all Norman Bates on us, I'm blaming you. (Meredith walks to the end of the hall and calls out) Meredith: Diagnosis? Alex: Gall-stones. Meredith (thumbs up): Yes! (She leaves. Cristina sits on the bed Meredith just vacated and sighs) Cristina: I'm a 55 year old man. I'm nauseous and I can't stop throwing up. Alex: Forget it alright, I didn't ask for anybody's help. Cristina: Okay Evil Spawn, you can nurse your pride; key word being nurse or you can pass your test and be a doctor. Up to you. Alex (sighs and stands in front of her): Any abdominal pain? Cristina: Yes from my giant fat belly all the way to my back. Oh and I'm drunk. Hiccup, hiccup. (Meredith is entering the scrub wash room with a chart. George is already in there as is Bailey who's sitting down and eating a chocolate bar) Meredith (hands Bailey the chart): I got another one for you. Bailey: He tried to gift wrap a 70-inch TV for his wife? George: Hernia? Meredith: Strangulated. Pretty ugly. Bailey: And you just know the wife just hates TV. Grey is that other project covered. Meredith: I think so. Bailey: Then scrub in. O'Malley, go tell Nadia Shelton she's off the schedule until tomorrow. (George looks upset at this) (Nadia Shelton's room where her boisterous, noisy family are still being annoying and creating a huge racket) Jimmy (shocked): Till tomorrow? Nadia: Another day is not gonna kill me Jimmy. George: I promise tomorrow for sure. Nadia's Mother (outraged): Today was for sure! Ernie: What's he saying? Nadia's Mother (yells): He's saying they can't operate until tomorrow! Ernie (yells): Outrageous! (There's all this loud talk and yelling. George looks annoyed) George (speaks to Josh playing the really loud gameboy): Could you please turn that down your mother needs to rest. Josh: Who are you? My Dad? George: Sir, could you please tell your son--- Jimmy: Don't talk to me about my son. Who the hell do you think you are? George: Sorry. I'm really sorry. (Mrs. Shelton and Mr. Shelton are still yelling loudly) I just think your wife should rest ... (Nadia looks grateful at the attempt but the noise of the family is just too loud) Nadia's Mother: You people, you have ruined everything. George: I am very sorry. (George just leaves the room) [SCENE_BREAK] (Deserted hallway where Alex is now what it looks like feeling up Cristina. Or at the very least groping her boob. Cristina backs up) Cristina: Okay the way you're grabbing me now, that's assault. (She grabs his hand, flattens his palm and uses the tips of his fingers to press against her chest) Cristina: This is an exam. Pat, pat, pat. (George comes into the hallway and looks dumbfounded) George: What? What the hell? (loud) Does Izzie know? Does Burke know about this? Cristina: Un-bunch your panties, George. We're helping Alex study. (to Alex) Do it. George: I can't hear you when his hand is on your boob. Cristina: Take your hand off my boob, Alex. (Alex removes his hand) George: Thank you. (he walks up to them) Study for what? Alex: Shut it, Yang. Cristina: Alex failed his boards. George: Seriously? Alex: I failed one part of one board. That's it. George: Still...that's pretty embarrassing. Cristina (She gets paged): Eh, he's all yours Georgie! Do your worst. (She gets up and leaves) George: You're not giving me a rectal. Do not ask me to cough. (Cristina is walking up a nurse's station outside Justin's room where Dr. Burke is standing after Justin's surgery looking over a patient chart) Cristina: You paged me? (She peers into Justin's room) Burke: I didn't see a psych consult scheduled here. Cristina: Ah I couldn't get one. I tried to but they told me to come back in January. Burke: You disrespected me. You mocked me in my OR. That can't happen. Cristina: I wa ... It won't happen again. Burke: You equated my spirituality with a belief in Santa Claus. Cristina: Burke, science is the one thing. You know it's the one thing we have in common. I'm an intern and you're not. I'm a slob and you're not. I say I want to keep our relationship private and you go and tell the Chief of Surgery and you asked me to move in with you and now you're religious. Burke: Spiritual. There's a difference. Cristina (shakes her head): Well not to me. ... I don't know what we're doing. Burke (looks angry): Well right now we're working. Page me if he spikes a fever. (Cristina shakes her head in dismay that Burke is ignoring what she's saying) Tell Mrs. Davidson to hire a private therapist or priest, anyone Justin will talk to. (He slides the chart over to her and walks away) (Izzie is walking down the hallway, where she finds Mrs. Epstein with her three kids sitting on some chairs) Izzie: Mrs. Epstein? Mrs. Epstein: Oh (she stands up and walks to Izzie) How is he? Izzie: He's gonna be fine. He's still a little groggy. (Jake interrupts) Jake: My Dad wants to see me now, ok? Izzie (smiles): Ok. (She starts walking down the way she came and the family follow to Mr. Epstein's room. They stop at the doorway) Mrs. Epstein: It's ok guys. Daddy's ok. (One of the daughter's runs into the room and jumps onto the bed) Daughter: Daddy, daddy. I could kiss it better Daddy. Tim (to his wife): Jillian I have a headache. (Mrs. Epstein nods) Leah: I'll sing for you Daddy. Tim: No. Leah (sings): Dashing through the snow ... Tim: No! Leah (continues): ... on a one-horse open sleigh ... Tim: Leah. Damn it Leah shut up! (Leah stops and immediately starts crying) I can't stand that insipid song! Mrs. Epstein: Tim! Tim: Just get out! (Derek walks in) Tim (yelling): Get out! Get the hell out of here, all of you! Jake (upset): You stupid Shepherd! You broke my Dad's brain! (Izzie and Derek are walking down a hallway) Izzie: How did that happen? I mean his personality ... you didn't go anywhere near the frontal lobe. Derek: Well the CT might've missed something. Or a personality change could be a reaction from the anesthesia wearing off. Could be the pain. Izzie: He was in pain before the surgery. (Derek heads into a stair well) Derek: Watch him for a couple of hours, if he doesn't improve get a new CT. (Derek starts walking down the stairs) Izzie (gets a look on her face): Ok. (Derek catches the look and walks back quickly) Derek: Dr. Stevens? Izzie: You had his brain open. Literally open. He was laying there unconscious and vulnerable and ... Derek: You think I poisoned him with my anti-holiday venom. Izzie: Well you're the one that's always saying that there's a lot about the brain that we don't know. How do you know that your words didn't speak to him on some unconscious level? I mean he trusted you to be his ... Shepherd. (Izzie seems surprised at her own choice of words) Derek: Dr. Stevens, you should be a little embarrassed. Izzie (nods): I am. Derek: Good. (He walks down the stairs and Izzie leaves back the way they came) (Justin's room, where his mother is decorating his room with Christmas decorations and a Christmas tree. Cristina walks in) Cristina: Oh this is the CCU. There are no trees allowed in the CCU. Mariann: I know, it's never really been enforced, so ... (Cristina looks off-put at this) How's he doing? (Cristina walks up to Justin's bed) Cristina: Ah surgery went smoothly but it's too soon to tell. Mariann: He's really a good boy you know. You just met him at a difficult time. He's been down. I don't know why. (Cristina checks Justin's heart with a stethoscope) But Father Michael will be able to talk to him. Cristina: No offense but uh your son doesn't seem to be a fan of the holidays. He doesn't believe in Santa. Mariann: Yes well a mother's job is to protect her child's innocence. And this Christmas could be his last time, so. Justin: That's what you said last year. And the year before that. (Justin gives Cristina a look) Mariann: Oh my baby, you're awake. You look great. My big, strong boy. Santa brought you back to me. (Cristina looks thoroughly annoyed now and unplugs the Christmas tree lights and starts wheeling out the tree of the room) Mariann: What are you doing? Cristina: Sorry. CCU regulations. (Operating room with Bailey and Meredith, operating on the strangulated guy) Meredith: Are we using mesh? Bailey: Yes, the conjoined tendon is ... (She pulls away suddenly from the surgery and puts the surgical tools down and moans) Mmm Hmmm Mmm. Meredith: Dr. Bailey? Bailey (raises her hand to silence Meredith): Just wouldn't want to throw up in the body cavity. Nurse: Dr. Bailey, are you all right? Meredith: Do you need ...? Bailey: I just need a minute Grey. Oh when you operate the rest of the world goes away. Hunger, thirst, pain. You don't feel it in the OR. But it's not that way when you're sharing you're body with another person. Ok. (She turns back to the surgery and starts again) Meredith: Are you sure you don't want me to find someone to take over for you? Bailey: What I want you to find me is a strawberry milkshake. Extra thick. (The operating staff look amused at this) Meredith: Seriously? Bailey (nods): Yeah, nausea. Comes with the hunger, Grey. Go. (Meredith leaves the operating table) (George is sitting on the hospital bed in the abandoned hallway with Alex sitting next to him, 'examining' him. George is talking in the most horrible ghetto voice ever. It's hilarious) George: My throat, it's like wicked sore yo. (Gestures to his face) Plus I've got all these like sick breakout's, right. Alex: Dude seriously. (George instantly stops smiling, stands up and starts walking away) Alex: Alright, alright, sit down, sit down. (George moves back and sits down. Alex stands up) Alex: Open up your mouth. I'd like to inspect your tonsils. (George opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue. Alex gets a tongue presser and a flashlight to examine his throat. Izzie comes into the hallway and looks stunned at what she's seeing) Izzie: What's wrong with you are you sick? (Alex stops examining him) George: Fake sick. (Izzie just looks confused) Alex: I failed my practical board exam. O'Malley's helping me study. Izzie: You failed your ... (to George) You're helping him? George: Just to study. Nothing else. Alex: Izzie. Izzie: No, you don't get to say my name (she points her finger at George angry) and you are unbelievable! (Izzie storms off. George gets up and starts chasing after her but turns back to Alex) George: Ah! I was doing mono, the whole fever and glands thing. The acne was just part of the whole teenager thing. (George sprints off after Izzie) (Izzie is walking up the stairs leading away from the hangout and starts walking down a hallway. George is close behind her.) George: Izzie would you wait. Izzie (yells): I say I like the guy and you can't stop hating him. And as soon... George (interrupts): Izzie. Izzie (yells): ...as he screws me over... George: Izzie! Izzie: You're his new best friend! George: He failed his boards. This is important. Izzie: He cheated on me. Meredith (walks up behind them with the milkshake for Bailey): Busted? George: Yeah. I'm busted. Meredith: His exam is tomorrow. Izzie (even more angry): You're in on this too? He cheated on me! God! Cristina (walking down hall opposite from them with a Christmas tree): Oh, I told you she'd find out. Izzie: Oh, of course you're in on it. George: She let him touch her boobs! (Cristina hits George with the Christmas tree) Izzie: He cheated on me with George's skanky syph nurse! George: That is just plain rude! Meredith: We know! He cheated on you! That's why we let you turn the living room into Santa's freaking Village. Izzie: What? Meredith: We're not big on holidays you know that. But we're trying to be supportive because you are having a hard time. But right now, Alex, he's having a harder time. Izzie: Why does everyone care what kinda time Alex is having? Meredith: Because he's dirty Uncle Sal. (Both George and Cristina turn around and give Meredith weird looks) George: Sorry? Cristina: Huh? Meredith: He's dirty Uncle Sal. The one who embarrasses everyone at family reunions and who can't be left alone with the teenage girls but you invite him to the picnic anyway. Cristina: Sorry. What? George: I'm still lost. Meredith: I have a mother who doesn't recognize me. As far as family goes, this hospital, you guys are it. So, I know you're pissed at Alex but maybe you could try and help him anyway. Sorta like in the spirit of this holiday you keep shoving down everybody's throats. (Izzie shakes her head and walks off. Meredith also walks off in the opposite direction) Cristina: You. George: What? Cristina: Boob! (Cristina walks off and George's pager goes off) (George rushes into Nadia Shelton's room, where Nadia is sitting up vomiting blood into a bucket. Her family are going nuts) Jimmy (yelling): Somebody do something! Doctor get in here now! (Everybody is talking and yelling at once. George rushes up to Nadia) George (to Nadia): Nadia we're taking you to surgery. (Nadia nods and George turns to the nurse holding the bucket) George: Prep her now! (The nurse nods and George rushes out of the room) (Meredith is walking down the hallway with the strawberry milkshake. She enters the scrub room where Bailey is sitting waiting. Meredith hands her the shake) Bailey: It's about time. Meredith: Sorry, I got side-tracked. (Bailey takes off the top of the milkshake and just drinks it directly from the cup. George rushes into the room) George: Nadia Shelton's ulcer perforated. She's vomiting blood by the pint. Bailey: Is the Chief back? Meredith: I didn't see him. George (shakes his head): No. Bailey (frustrated): All right uh both of you scrub in. I'm gonna need all the help I can get. (She starts drinking massive gulps of her milkshake not stopping as Meredith and George start scrubbing up) (Derek and Izzie are in the CT viewing room looking at the images on the screen as Mr. Epstein lies in the CT machine) Derek: Well, there it is. Left side of his frontal lobe. (to Izzie) Now why didn't we see that before? Izzie: Intra-cerebral bleeds can have a delayed presentation. Derek: Right. (to CT tech) You wanna get him out of there? (CT tech nods and heads out of the viewing room) Derek: Ah just prep an OR. I'm gonna talk to his wife. (Izzie nods and heads out as well. Addison comes and stands at the doorway.) Addison: Dr. Stevens. (Izzie ignores her and continues out the door) Addison (calls out): Nice talking to you. (to Derek) Think she'll ever talk to me again? (Derek is silent, staring at the CT screen) Am I invisible? I'm feeling strangely invisible. (Derek is still silent) Also inaudible. Derek: What? (Addison walks into the room and stands over Derek's shoulder) Addison: Another surgery? So I guess dinner-shopping is out. Derek: Yeah, it's not gonna happen tonight. (Addison nods) Sorry. Addison: No, you're not. I'm just trying to figure out why you're not. It's Christmas Derek. Derek: Yeah. I know. (He stands up and starts heading out of the room) Addison: It's our season. What's going on? Are you mad? Are you depressed? What? Derek: No. Mr. Epstein here is depressed. He's bleeding from his frontal lobe. Everything's fine. We're fine Addie. You know just, I'll see you at home, ok? (He heads off, leaving Addison looking upset) (Mr. Epstein's room where he's lying down on his bed. His wife is standing beside his bedside looking upset. Derek is standing at the foot of the bed) Derek: You need second surgery, Mr. Epstein. Frontal lobe is difficult. We may be able to improve things but ah you should be prepared for the possibility that things could get worse. Tim (anger in voice): That's great. That's just great. I am so glad we came to this hospital so I could be treated by a bunch of quacks who don't know their asses from the inside of my skull! (Mrs. Epstein looks apologetically at Derek. Derek gestures at her to talk outside the room. They walk out into the hallway) Mrs. Epstein: This isn't my husband. This is not my husband. He doesn't speak to me this way. He doesn't speak to anyone this way. Derek: I know this is difficult Mrs. Epstein but the important thing right now is that we stop the bleeding. Mrs. Epstein (trying not to cry): He's the love of my life. And I know that you have a lot of other patients and you do a lot of other surgeries but he's the love of (she lets out a sob) my life. Because I just, I just need your word that you treat this change in my husband's personality as seriously as you would a fatal cancer. Because that's the way it feels to me and my kids. We were happy. We were a happy family. It just ... if you could just fix it (she takes Derek's hand in hers) ... just fix it. Derek: Mrs. Epstein, I'm going to do everything in my power, all right? Ok? (Mrs. Epstein nods) (Cristina is standing at the nurse's station outside Justin's room watching Justin talk to a priest in the room and his mom sitting at his bedside) Justin: I didn't want it. I already got one new heart. I didn't deserve another one. Father Michael: Justin, you don't have to feel guilty about having a new heart. God wants you to live. That's why he sent you the heart. Justin: I'm not stupid, ok? God didn't send me the heart and there's no such thing as God. Marion (shocked): Justin! Father Michael: Marion. Marion, it's all right. Justin: The heart I have now, my mom told me the heart came from Santa. (Cristina walks in and check's Justin's vitals) I thought elves made it in their factory or whatever. But that's not true, is it? Father Michael: No it isn't. Justin: Yeah. I heard the nurses talking. Where it really came from is some other kid. Some other kid had to die so I could live. Marion (crying): Oh Justin, baby. (She sits on the bid. Cristina walks out of the room) Justin: And then I outgrew that kid's heart. So for the last two years my mom has been praying that another kid would die for me. (to his mother) That's what you pray for all the time, isn't it mom? (Marion just looks down and doesn't answer) That's what she prayed for father. How does God feel about that? (Justin closes his eyes) Father Michael: Justin. Marion: Justin. (Justin's monitor starts beeping rapidly. Cristina hears the beeping) Marion (shaking Justin): Justin baby? Wake up Justin! (she calls out) Nurse! Oh please no. (Cristina rushes in) Cristina: Move please. (yells and moves Marion out of the way) Move please! Marion: No, no, no, God please. Cristina: Code blue! (She starts prepping Justin) Just stay back! Marion: Justin baby I'm right here. Please Justin I love you! (Nurses rush in. Cristina lowers Justin's bed, as a team brings in the crash cart) Cristina: Please shut her up! Nurse: He's in V-FIB. Cristina: Charge the paddle to 100. Nurse: Charged. Cristina: Clear. (Cristina places the paddles on Justin and shocks his heart. Immediately the heart monitor starts beeping normally and Justin coughs awake. Cristina looks relieved while Justin just looks upset) (Burke and Cristina are walking out of Justin's room and down a hospital hallway) Cristina: Ok we need to get him back on the donor's list. It's a bad heart. Burke: It's not a bad heart. Cristina: Well can you get him back on the list? Burke: He's waited two years for this heart. He has to fight for it. He has to decide he wants to live. Cristina (frustrated): Ok, medically speaking is there anything else we haven't done? Burke: The way you're feeling right now ... is why I have to believe in something bigger than me. Because if I didn't, that powerlessness would eat me alive. (He walks up the stairwell, leaving Cristina standing there) (OR where Derek and Izzie are operating on Mr. Epstein again) Derek: Drill please. Izzie: Any danger of two craniotomy's in one day? Derek: No more than with one. (He starts drilling) Derek: Is there any music? Nurse: Any requests? Derek (looking at Izzie): Christmas carols. Or Hanukkah. Is there such a thing as Hanukkah carols? (The bars of a Hanukkah song start) The brain is a mysterious thing Dr. Stevens. You never know what may penetrate the psyche. (Izzie looks like she's smiling through her scrubs mask) (O.R where Nadia is being operated on. Bailey is being fed a drink by a scrubs nurse, while George and Meredith stand near the operating table, holding clamps and stuff in Nadia's body cavity) George: Oh, look at that. Meredith: Kissing ulcers. One's perfed and the other one's bleeding. George: Two ulcers. Not surprised by the family. I should've thrown them out. Why didn't I throw them out? That's what I should've done. But no I didn't. (Bailey turns back to the operating table, scrub mask in place and everything) Bailey: Stop whining O'Malley, you had your chance; you didn't take it. Move on. George: Right, sorry. Bailey: Do not kick me. George: Excuse me? Bailey: Are you kicking me under the table O'Malley? George (shocked): No! Bailey: Then clearly I wasn't talking to you! ... Uh! Eh! (she backs away from the operating table) You can not kick me while I'm doing my job. (Bailey is pressing against her pregnant belly. Everyone just stares at her amazed) Bailey: Thank you. (She steps back up to the operating table) (Izzie is walking down the abandoned hospital hangout. Alex is lying down on a hospital bed asleep with textbooks surrounding him. Izzie walks up to him and slaps him) Izzie: Wake up. (Alex sits up groggy) Izzie: God, no wonder you failed your boards. What do you expect to learn this stuff by osmosis? Alex (sleepy): What are you doing here? Izzie (crosses her arms in front of her): I'm a farmer, ok? I've been drooling, puking and crapping in my pants. Alex: You came here to help me study? Izzie (annoyed): Well I'm not actually crapping my pants now, am I? Alex: Why would you want to help me after what I did? (Izzie is silent for a moment, shaking with anger) Izzie (yells): Because it's what Jesus would freaking do! (Cristina is standing in Justin's room by his bedside. She looks over to his mother who is fast asleep near the door. She then takes a seat and sits next to Justin. She leans forward) Cristina: You know I don't believe in Santa either Justin or God. (Justin looks over at her slowly) I believe in medicine. And it's a medical miracle you're alive. With the heart you had, you should've, you should've died after two weeks after you were born. Except some surgeon figured out a way to give you someone else's heart which is, is so much cooler than Santa. ... So I'm just saying ... ... I think you should decide to live. ... Live so you can become a doctor and you can find a way to do heart transplants without someone having to die. Or live so you can grow up so you can have kids and you know what raise them not to believe in Santa. And that, that would piss your mom off. (Justin smiles) Just decide to live because in your case dying really isn't the best revenge. (Cristina leans back into her chair) (Hospital waiting room, where Nadia Shelton's family sit waiting. Bailey and George walk up to them. Mrs. Shelton and Jimmy stand up immediately) Jimmy: How is she? Nadia's Mother: Is she gonna be alright? Bailey: She lost a lot of blood but we were able to replace it and repair the tear. She's gonna require several days of observation but she should have a full recovery. Jimmy: Oh thank god. (Bailey is smiling as she starts to leave) Nadia's Mother: Thank god is right 'cause we're certainly not going to thank you! (Bailey stops smiling and stands where she is) Nadia's Mother: We should sue you for all your worth! We sat here and sat here and sat here and sat here and sat here ... Bailey (whispers to George): You wanna help me out? Nadia's Mother: And watched you take patient after patient after ... George: Really? Bailey: Yeah. You got your second chance. Just don't screw it up. Nadia's Mother: You made my daughter wait for 3 whole days for her operation! I should sue you and this whole damn hospital! (The rest of the family walks up to them) George: Ok, yeah you could sue us or you could just consider the possibility of just shutting the hell up. Nadia's Mother: What did you say to me? (to Ernie) Did you hear what he said to me? Ernie: I heard him. Josh: You can't talk to an old lady like that. Nadia's Mother: Where is my daughter? I'd like to see her. George: Well you can't. I'm her doctor and she is my patient and this is a hospital which is the kinda place where people could generally use a little peace and quiet. So no right now you can't see her. And I'm not saying this just because you threatened to sue Dr. Bailey who spent the last several hours saving your daughter's life (The family look outraged at this, while Bailey just looks smug) saving your wife's life. I'm saying this because she is my patient and she is in the recovery wing of this hospital trying to recover! And visiting hours are over! So goodnight! (a little calmer) and Merry Christmas. (He walks off, leaving the family looking shell-shocked) Bailey: Interns. Too emotional. Oh, apologies. (She also walks off) (Hospital hangout where Izzie is sitting on the hospital bed and Alex is standing in front of her) Alex: Uh, is the nausea constant or intermittent? Izzie: Constant. Alex: When, when did it first start? Izzie: After I worked in the fields all day. Alex: Do you have any allergies you're aware of? (Izzie's struggling really hard not to cry. Her eyes are filled with tears) Izzie (tears in her voice, she shakes her head): No. (Alex moves to sit next to Izzie as she starts crying now freely) Alex: Izzie, ... I never wanted to hurt you. Izzie (crying): You didn't hurt me. I don't even know you. I'm a farmer! Alex: You, you're still the patient? Izzie (still crying but indignant): What does it look like? Alex: It's organophosphates. (Izzie nods) Pesticide poisoning. Crying is a symptom, that's it right? Izzie (nods and continues to cry): Right. (Meredith is walking down the hospital hallway dressed to go home. She smiles when she sees Bailey fast asleep dressed to go home on an empty gurney) (Meredith is still inside the hospital but at the foyer entrance about to walk out. Derek also dressed to go home, walks out of the elevator and sees her) Derek: Hey. (Meredith closes her eyes and stops walking. She turns and faces Derek) Meredith: Hey. (She starts again heading out of the hospital) Derek: You, ok? Meredith: Yeah, yeah. You know, holidays. Derek: Yeah. I do know. (They head outside into the night) Meredith: Merry Christmas. Derek: Merry Christmas. (They part ways) (Derek enters Joe's bar. He walks up to the bar where Joe is standing) Joe: Hey. Derek: Merry Christmas Joe. Joe: Merry Christmas. (He pours Derek a drink) Double scotch. Single malt. Derek: You're a good man. (He takes the drink) Addison: Hey, Dr. Shepherd. (Derek turns and sees Addison sitting at a bar table with catalogues and her own drink. She smiles at him. He lifts up his drink and toasts it at her) Derek: Dr. Shepherd. (He takes a sip and makes his way over to the table) Addison : So? How's Mr. Epstein's frontal lobe? Derek: He woke up smiling. Addison: Congratulations. Derek: Thank you. What are you drinking? Addison (chuckles): It's ah hot buttered rum. It's delicious. Derek (smiling): It's Dickensian. Addison: Ah no, yeah, well it is Christmas. Derek: Hmm. Addison: Christmas Derek. We love Christmas. At least we used to. Derek: Yeah. ... Christmas makes you want to be with people you love. ( Addison looks up at this) ... I'm not saying this to hurt you or because I want to leave you. Because I don't. (Addison looks confused) Meredith wasn't a fling. (Addison sits back instantly on guard) She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you. (He sits down next to her while Addison contemplates what he has just said) MVO: There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your family. (Cristina arrives home to Burke's apartment. She places her bag down on a table as well as her keys. She stops when she sees the little Christmas tree Burke had this morning all decorated and lit up.) MVO: You take what the fates hand you... (She smiles when she sees an 8-candle Hanukkah set sitting on the window sill. She looks into the bed room and sees Burke half lying-half sitting on the bed reading a book.) MVO: ...and like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not ... (Cristina is now dressed for bed and she climbs in next to Burke) Cristina: Justin took a turn. His fever's down and his BP is up. (She cuddles up into Burke) Burke (knowingly): I wonder what got through to him. Cristina: I don't know. MVO: ...you cope. (Townhouse where Izzie is lying down on the floor with her head under the Christmas tree. The tree is all lit up and flashing. Meredith walks into the room) Meredith: Pretty. Izzie: Yeah. (Meredith lies down next to Izzie) MVO: Then there's the school of thought that says the family you're born into is simply a starting point. (George now comes to the living room and looks at the two confused) George: What are we doing? Izzie: Lights. (George sets down his coffee mug and runs quickly into the room and lies down next to Meredith and also begins staring at the lights) MVO: They feed you and clothe you and take care of you until your ready to go out into the world. (Doc barks once and enters the room and sits down next to George) MVO: ...and find your tribe. (The camera pans up the tree and fades out)	Plan: A: A young boy; Q: Who needs a heart transplant but doesn't want it? A: his treatment; Q: What is the subject of the argument between Burke and Cristina? A: major philosophical differences; Q: What does the argument between Burke and Cristina expose? A: Izzie; Q: Who feels betrayed when the interns rally to help Alex prepare for his exam? A: Meredith; Q: Who has to remind Izzie of the true spirit of the Christmas holiday? A: George; Q: Who has to deal with the family of a woman whose surgery keeps getting postponed? A: a woman; Q: Whose surgery keeps getting postponed for more important surgeries? A: their contempt; Q: What does the family of a woman who has bleeding ulcers show George? A: Bailey; Q: Who performs several surgeries when Webber is forced to leave a woman on her own? A: brain surgery; Q: What type of surgery does Derek perform on a mixed Jewish/Christian family? A: Chrismukkah; Q: What holiday does the family discuss celebrating? A: a festive mood; Q: What is the patriarch of a mixed Jewish/Christian family not in? A: his wife; Q: Who did Derek's patient reconcile with? Summary: A young boy needs a heart transplant but doesn't seem to want it, and an argument over his treatment exposes major philosophical differences between Burke and Cristina. Meanwhile, when the interns rally to help Alex prepare to re-take his exam, Izzie feels betrayed and Meredith has to remind her of the true spirit of the Christmas holiday. George has to deal with the family of a woman whose surgery for bleeding ulcers keeps getting postponed for more important surgeries, much to their contempt, whilst Bailey has to perform several surgeries when Webber is forced to leave her on her own. Derek performs brain surgery on the patriarch of a mixed Jewish/Christian family who discuss celebrating Chrismukkah , but isn't in a festive mood despite a reconciliation with his wife.
Here's what missed last week: Quinn's pregnant, and Puck's the father, but everybody thinks it's Finn. Puck: "You're a punk who doesn't deserve to have Quinn as his girlfriend". Except for Quinn's parents, who don't know anything... at all. Thy just know she's in the Celibacy Club. Puck: "Well, call the Vatican! We got ourselves another immaculate conception." And that's what you missed on... CHOIR ROOM - HIGH SCHOOL Will wrote on the board the word "ballad". Will: "Ballad. From Middle English, balade. Who knows what this word means? Brittany: It's a male duck. Will: Kurt. Kurt: A ballad is a love song. Will: Sometimes, but they don't always express love. Ballads are stories set to music which is why they're the perfect storm of self-expression. Stories and music are the way we express feelings that we can't get out any other way. Okay, now, sectionals are in few weeks and there's a new rule this year, we have to perform a ballad. Rachel: Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio Show Choir Committee finally paid off! Will: Okay. So here's our assignment for the week: I'm going to pair you off, and I want you to pick a ballad to sing to your partner. Look then right in the eye, find the emotion you want to express, and make them feel it. Finn: I pick up Quinn. Will: No, no, no. Too easy. Your partners will be chosen by fate. Will goes to the piano where the hat is. All: Ooh! Will: Ooh, yeah. I put all your names in this hat. Whoever you choose is your partner. Brittany: I bet the duck's in the hat. Santana: But Matt's out sick today. He had to go to the hospital, because they found a spider in his ear. Will put his name into the hat. Will: Um... I guess I'll just have to put my name in the hat for now. Who's up first? Each student get up to go pick a name. Puck: Mercedes. Will: All right. Artie: Quinn Finn: Kurt Finn: Mr.Shue, I don't know if I can do this with another guy. Will: The fates have spoken, Finn. Tina: Other Asian Santana: Brittany Will: How fitting. Yay! No way. Rachel: Looks like I get you, Mr.Shue. Will: Uh... you know what? Maybe we should just wait until Matt gets back. Finn: The fates talked, Mr.Shue. Artie: Would you mind clarifying what kinds of songs you want us to sing? Rachel: Why don't you let Mr. Shuester and I demonstrate. Brad, "Endless Love" in B-flat, please. It's my favorite duet. Will: I really don't think that's an appropriate song, Rachel. Rachel: Why? It's a great song, and it's a perfect ballad. Finn: Yeah. I really like this song, Mr. Shue. Will: ♪My love...♪ Kurt: I could totally sing this song with Finn. But screw him if he's thinks he's taking the Diana Ross part from me. Will: ♪ The only thing that's right...♪ Puck (Thinking): I love the days when I don't wear underwear. Rachel: ♪My first love...♪ Finn (Thinking): I never noticed how nice Rachel's butt is. Oh, crap, I think Quinn knows I'm staring at it. Rachel: ♪ You're every breath that I take; You're every step I make ♪ Will: ♪And I (Rachel: I); I want to share♪ Will & Rachel: ♪ All my love with you♪ Will: ♪No one else will do ♪ Rachel: ♪In your eyes (Will: Your eyes, your eyes)♪ Will & Rachel: ♪They tell me how much you care; Oh yeah♪ Rachel (Thinking): Wow. I've never noticed this before, because he's always trying to destroy my career, but Mr. Shue has really pretty eyes. Will & Rachel: ♪My endless love...♪ Rachel (Thinking): And really nice teeth. He's obviously invested in good oral hygiene, and that's important to me. It shows wonderful self-esteem. Will & Rachel: ♪I'll be that fool For you; I'm sure♪ Will (Thinking): I don't like the way she's looking at me. Oh, I shouldn't have sung this song for her. Rap! She looks crazy right now. I know this look. Will & Rachel: ♪Yes You'll be the only one Oh, Cause no; No one can't deny This love I have inside And I'll give it all to you ♪ Will: ♪My love♪ Rachel: ♪My love, my love♪ Will & Rachel: ♪My endless love.♪ Rachel (Thinking): Okay, this is amazing. When I'm singing with him, it's like I'm seeing him for the first time. And what I'm seeing is super...super cute. Will: Okay. Something like that. FABRAY'S LIVING ROOM - FABRAY'S HOUSE Judy Fabray: Sweetie, I'm so proud of you. The Chastity Ball is so important to your father. Quinn (thinking): God, I miss the firm support of my polyester Cheerios uniform! The control panel hid my baby bump perfectly. J.Fabray: That's odd. We had this custom-made a month ago. Quinn: I had a really big lunch today at school. Really big tacos J.Fabray: no worries, sweetie. I'll just take it down to the tailor tomorrow. We'll let it out a little bit. The problem here, honey, is, you know, I just don't think you've been getting enough exercise ever since you quit the Cheerios. Am I right? Quinn: Yeah. Yeah. That's right J.Fabray: I mean, you used to spend hours every day doing backflips and high kicks, and now, I mean, now you spend all your free time sitting on a stool in the dark singing show tunes. Do you know how many calories you burn singing? Hmmm? Not very many. Russell Fabray: Judy! Gleen Beck is on! R.Fabray: Oh! Wait. Hold on. Hold on. J.Fabray: He's so... R.Fabray: Oh, I don't want to see! Quinn: Daddy, it's not like we're getting married. R.Fabray: I don't want...oh. Oh look at you. Speaking of getting married how's that boy you've been dating? J.Fabray: Yeah. Yeah. He's not, uh pressuring you at all, is he? Quinn: No! no, he's a gentleman. R.Fabray: I'm glad to hear that.Mm-hmm. That's why I'm inviting him over for dinner on Sunday. J.Fabray: Oh! Wonderful! R.Fabray: Refresher? J.Fabray: Honey, I don't want you to lift a finger for me. I'm your wife R.Fabray: My little lemon drop. I gotta catch Glenn. SCHUESTER'S CLASSROOM - HIGH SCHOOL - Rachel: Mr.Shuester? Will: Yeah? Rachel: I just wanted to confirm that we're set to rehearse our ballad at 4:00 sharp this afternoon. Will: Oh. Isn't Matt back yet? Rachel: No, it's just... you and me, all week long. Will: Great. Well... I'll see you at 4:00. Is there something else? Rachel: I just wanted to give you this. Open it. Gold stars are king of my signature thing. I figure every time you wear it, you can think of me and the star you're helping me become. EMMA'S OFFICE - HIGH SCHOOL Will: It's happening again. It always starts with a novelty gift. Emma: I mean, you can't blame her, Will. I mean, if we were going to rank crashworthy teachers at this school, you'd be number one with a bullet. Uh... well, I... when did, when did this star with Rachel? Will: We sang a duet in Glee Club "Endless Love". Emma: Okay, in hindsight, that was probably a mistake. Will: yeah. I can't handle going through this again. Emma: Sorry, going through, um, going through what again? Will: Have I ever told you about Suzy Pepper? Memories Will: So the alpacas start there and, uh, travel down towards Guatemala. Will (Thinking): Suzy Pepper wasn't the first schoolgirl crush, but she was the hardest. It happened about two years ago, before you were a teacher here. Suzy was... unique. Suzy: Mr. Shue, how do you conjugate the verb... to love? Will: Peppers. Suzy: So you can wear them and think of me-Suzy Peppers. Will: I thought it would burn out like the others but it only got worse (Phone ringing) (Groans) Will: Hello? (Heavy breathing) Terri: Who is it? Who died? (Heavy breathing continues) Will: Suzy Pepper? Suzy: You knew it was me just by the sound of my breath. That's so romantic. Terri: Listen, you little psycho, this is Will's wife. And if I don't get enough sleep, my anti-depressants won't sork, and then I'll go crazy a I'll kill you. Will: Terri... Terri: Stop calling! (Sighs) Terri: Can't you handle anything, Will? Wiil (Thinking): Terri was right - (School bell ringing) Will (Thinking): -- Or so I thought. I decided to be honest with Suzy, face this head-on. Emma: Okay. How'd that go? (Over earpiece) ♪How easy ♪ (Crying) (Thud) (Groans) ♪ It would be to show me how you feel ♪ ♪ More than words♪ ♪ Is all you have to do to make it real ♪ ♪ Then you wouldn't have to say ♪ ♪ That you ...♪ Will: It was the world's hottest pepper. She had it shipped from Sinaloa, Mexico. Emma: Oh, no. Oh, gosh. What happened to her? Will: Well, the ambulance arrived just in time. The pepper burned holes in her esophagus. And she was in a medically induced coma for three days. That's why I can't just tell Rachel to back off. These girls are too fragile. Emma: Wow. Okay. How about this? Why don't you take your own advice. Right? Do what you told the kids to do. If you're... if you're feeling awkward telling Rachel how you feel, then why don't you, um, you know, sing it to her? Let her down gently. And don't wear that tie. ♪ Bum bum ♪ ♪ Bah bah. ♪ Will: Yeah. AUDITORIUM - HIGH SCHOOL Kurt: Sing to me everything you feel. Finn: Okay. Uh... I can't. I can't. I can't sing to a dude. Kurt: You have to try. Finn: I can't, okay! I can't. I'm sick and tired of people pushing me to be somebody I'm not. Kurt: Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and inappropriate. Finn: Dude, I'm sorry. You're really awesome, Kurt. I... I'm just under a load of crap right now. Kurt: Girls. They're your problem. They're up, they're down. Girls. (Sighs) Finn: It's the baby. She's my daughter, and... there's so many things I want to say to her, and I'm never going to be able to. Kurt: Like what? Finn: Well... like how I don't want her to think that her father jut abandoned her. How I would do anything for her. How, no matter what I do, I' always thinking about her. How I'm going to spend my whole life loving her, and she's never event going to know. Kurt: You got let it out. Finn: How? Kurt: By singing. "I Stand By You" by The Pretenders. It's in your wheelhouse, and I know you know it from the radio because it's a classic, especially in the soft rock mode. Finn: yeah, I do like that song, but... how is it going to make me feel better again? Kurt: By singing it out. To the audience. Imagine your little girl sitting here. Kurt: Thank God I never missed a piano lesson (Playing "I'll Stand by You" intro) Finn: ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Why you look so sad? ♪ ♪ Tears are in your eyes ♪ ♪ Coe on and come to me now ♪ ♪When the night falls on you ♪ ♪ You don't know what to do ♪ ♪ Nothing you confess ♪ ♪ Could make me love you less ♪ ♪ I'll stand by you ♪ (Full band joins us) ♪ I'll stand by you ♪ ♪ Won't let nobody hurt you ♪ ♪ I'll stand by you ♪ ♪ Take me in into your darkest hour ♪ ♪ And I'll never desert you ♪ ♪ I'll stand by you ♪ ♪ I'll stand by you ♪ ♪ Won't let nobody hurt you ♪ ♪ I'll stand by you. ♪ The song ends in the Finn chamber spirited singing at the ultrasound that is on his computer. His mother, Carole, sees and asks him what he does. C.Hudson: Finn, what's going on? What are you doing? Finn: Uh, nothing C.Hudson: Were you just singing to a sonogram? Finn: Uh-huh. C.Hudson: Is Quinn pregnant? Finn (sobbing): Mom. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. C.Hudson: Shh, shh, shh. Finn: I screwed up, Mom. C.Hudson: It's going to be okay. Finn: I'm so sorry. C.Hudson: Shh, shh, shh. HALLWAY - HIGH SCHOOL Quinn: I can't believe told your mom. What if she tells my mom? Finn: No, she's not. Quinn: Half the school knows. Your mom knows. Who else do you want to tell? Huh? Finn: But she's not going to tell anybody. Quinn: You're wrong, I'm right. I'm smart, you're dumb. Tina: All this baby drama is making my rosacea act up. Mercedes: I know. I just feel bad for them, having to go through this on their own. Kurt: Let me see what I can do. I'll report back later. Quinn: No, you're wrong, I'm right. I'm right, okay. Finn: She doesn't talk to other moms. Kurt: How do you explain her constant irritation with you? It's because she's a girl. Finn: No, I think it's the pregnancy hormones or something. They make her kind of nuts. Kurt: It's enough to want to give up women altogether. (Chuckles). Finn: Yeah. Anyway, thanks for the advice about singing to the baby like that. Uh, worked like a dcharm. I owe you one, dude. (Pats arm) Kurt (Thinking): Okay, I'll admit it. I'm madly in love with Finn. I have been since the first time we met. Kurt marche dans les couloirs du lycée, quand puck le pousse. Finn: Dude. Impulse control. Kurt (Thinking): He was my knight in shining armor. My feelings lingered stronger as we bonded over Glee. Then football. Then skin care. FOOTBALL LOCKER ROOM - HIGH SCHOOL Kurt: Your T zone is dangerously dry. Your... your T zone. Finn: Oh. Kurt: Twice a day. It's very mild and has a built-in sunblock. Finn: Cool. Thanks man. Kurt (Thinking): I don't know why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows. I guess that's love for you. Will: Hey. Eyes on your own paper. Kurt (Thinking): I know it seems weird that I'm helping fin with Quinn, but rest assured, it's all part of a master plan. No matter what I do or how much I assist him with his ballad, she's going to end up disappointing him and breaking his heart. And then... he'll be crying into my shoulder pads. (Bell rings) CHOIR ROOM - HIGH SCHOOL Will: okay, I'm very excited. I have picked a medley of songs that's going to be fantastic teaching tool about how to sing a great ballad. Rachel: Why is Miss Pillsbury here? Emma: Uh... um, well, I... I, too, am very curious about the power of the ballad. You know, I'm thinking of doing some career counseling in song. Will: Emma, want to just...? Emma: S.A.T. prep... Yeah Will: Yeah. Okay. Rachel, this is a mash(up of "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap and the 1980 Police classic, "Don't Stand So Close to Me." And I want you to listen very closely to the lyrics because I really mean what I'm singing. Really listen. Okay. Will tells Rachel to sit on the chair to the left of Emma. (Music plays) Will: ♪ Young teacher, the subject ♪ ♪ Of schoolgirl fantasy ♪ ♪ She wants him so badly ♪ ♪ Knows what she wants to be ♪ ♪ With all the charms of a woman ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ You've kept the secret of your youth ♪ ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ ♪ Book marking, she's so close now ♪ ♪ This girl is half his age ♪ ♪ Don't stand ♪ ♪ Don't stand so ♪ ♪ Don't stand so close to me ♪ ♪ Young girl, you're out of your mind ♪ ♪ Your love for me is way out of line ♪ ♪ Better run, girl ♪ ♪ You're much too young, girl ♪ ♪ Temptation, frustration ♪ ♪ So bad it makes him cry ♪ ♪ Beneath your perfume and makeup ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ You're just a baby in disguise ♪ ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ ♪ Get out of here ♪ ♪ Before you have the time to change your mind ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm afraid ♪ ♪ You'll go too far ♪ ♪ Don't stand ♪ ♪ Don't stand so ♪ ♪ Don't stand so close to me ♪ ♪ Young girl, you're out of your mind ♪ ♪ Your love for me is way out of line ♪ ♪ Better run, girl ♪ ♪ Don't stand ♪ ♪ Don't stand so ♪ ♪ Don't stand so close to me ♪ ♪ You're much too young, girl. ♪ (Both sigh and applause) Will: So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad? Rachel: Yes. It means I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me. (Sighs) Will: Um, no, um... Emma, would you mind helping me out here? Um, was that the message that you got? Emma: You're a very good performer. He's very good. Rachel: Well, I for one can't wait to go home and work on a medley of my own for tomorrow, beause this lesson has given me... a lot to think about. Will: No Rachel, that really wasn't the... You... Emma: Bravo. HUDSON'S CELLAR - HUDSON'S HOUSE Finn: Thanks for coming over Kurt. I know you're into fashion and that kind of stuff. And I need to find something nice to wear to the Fabray's for dinner, so... Kurt: I couldn't be more pleased and honored to help you find something vintage and appropriate to wear. Finn: Here it is. My mom never had the heart to throw this stuff out. (Chuckles) Finn gives the helmet of his father's army to Kurt. Here, hang on to that for the next time Puck throws you in the Dumpster. Kurt: My dad's the same way. My mom died ten years ago, and he still keeps her toothbrush on the holder by their sink. The broken dresser in their room still smells like her perfume. I know it's stupid, but sometimes I'll sneak in there and open all the drawers and lie on the floor and close my eyes and just smell her. Fin: That's not stupid. I guess in a way, I'm lucky I never knew him, you know? (Chuckles) Finn: Check this out Kurt: Not half bad. (Chuckles) Kurt: Your father had good taste. Finn: I can't believe it fits. Uh, thanks. My father was brave enough to fight in some desert thousands of miles away, and I can't even go over to Dudley Road and tell the Fabrays the truth. Kurt: Your father didn't charger into the breach empty-handed. He had a weapon. Finn: You think I should bring a gun? Kurt: N-No, I think you should use you greatest weapon...Your voice. SCHUESTER'S LIVING ROOM - SHUESTER'S APARTMENT (Sighs) Will: Hey, sweetie, I'm home. Something smells good (Sighs) Will be on her sofa and Rachel brings him a beer. Will: Oh, thanks Rachel: You're welcome. Casserole's almost ready. Hope you like venison. SCHUESTER'S KITCHEN - SCHUESTER'S APARTMENT Will: Why did you even let her in the house? Terri: 'Cause she said she as one of your Glee kids. It didn't take me five minutes to realize she's in love with you. She asked if she could see your baby pictures. Will: What, so now you're making her clean our bathroom? Terri: Look, Will, I have been dealing with these school girl crushes for years. So why shouldn't I get a little something out of it? Rachel: Do you have any more Ajax? Terri: Oh, in the linen closet, sweetie. (Mouthing) Will: this is immoral, Terri. Terri: No, honey, you know what's immoral? Is me having to deal with the fact that my husband spends all day with young girls who are perkier and younger than I am. I have a rash on my belly from that cocoa butter that your mother sent me. Do you have any idea how much it burns when I sweat? I can't scrub the floors as hard as she can. Will: Baby, if it's that bad, you have to let me see it. It might be infected. Terri: What, so now I'm going to show you the bleeding pustules on my skin? Wow, yeah, no, that's not going to send you into the loving arms of some teenage slut. Will: For the last time, I am not having an affair with any of my students, and you are not allowed to turn one of them into your slave because you have this irrational fear of me leaving you. Terri: But why not, huh, if it's win-win for everyone? Loo, she's a really good coke. (Groans) Terri: Try it. Where are you going? Will: I'm taking Rachel home. Terri: Can you ask her to dust the blinds in the craft room first SHUESTER'S CAR - ON THE ROAD Rachel: Mr. Shuester? Will: Yes, Rachel, Rachel: Why do I have to sit in the backseat? Will: Um, it's the law. Children have to ride in the back. Rachel: Children under seven. Will: Well, I'm just concerned for you safety. Rachel: Really? Will: Um... no, not really. Rachel: I think we should take advantage of this golden alone time and practice our ballad. Will: That would be great, but I don't have any music in the car. Rachel: It's okay, I made us a CD. Will: Oh Will put the CD and the intro of "Crush" begins. Rachel: ♪Ah, crush♪ ♪Ah♪ ♪ I see you blowin' me a kiss ♪ ♪ It doesn't take a scientist♪ ♪ To understand what's going on, baby...♪ Will arrête la musique. Rachel: It wasn't finished. Will: Yeah, well, the acoustics are horrible in the car. Put your seat belt back on. So... how's it going with Puck? Are you guys still seeing each other? Rachel: I broke things off. He was too immature, as are all the boys in high school. I need a man who can keep up with me intellectually and creatively. Will: Well, that's a tough road for most high school boys. Rachel: That's why I have my sights set much higher. HALLWAY - HIGH SCHOOL Suzy: Stay away from him. You're going to get hurt bad. Rachel: You can't threaten me, Pepper. I'm not afraid of you. Suzy: You should be. Rachel from raging, and Suzy too. The plan goes on Mercedes who is on the phone, which runs the worm singing class. Mercedes: Oh, you're on the second floor? Oh, you're right above me. Girl, you? I am a hot damn mess. I found out today that my hamster is pregnant in biology class, and I just started weeping. CHOIR ROOM - HIGH SCHOOL Mercedes: No, no, I think that's a great idea. Puck: We're supposed to be rehearsing. Mercedes: I'm talking to Tina. I'll hit you back. This is bad, dude. All our ballads are terrible 'cause we're all so distracted. We're all worried about Finn and Quinn and Babygate. We can't even sig about our emotions 'cause we're so worried about theirs. Puck: Who cares? Mercedes: Um, we all do, so we decided we're all going to sing them a ballad to show that we got their backs. FABRAY'S LUNCHROOM - FABRAY'S HOUSE Finn: Mmm, it's a lovely ham. J.Fabray: Thank you. R.Fabray: There is no beating Judy's ham. (Laughs) J.Fabray: Well, I cure all my own meats. R.Fabray: I'd like to propose a toast. Quinn: Daddy. No. J.Fabray: Russell and his famous toasts Russell gets up and begins his toast. (Russell chuckles) R.Fabray : The Fabrays are a tight-knit family. I have been blessed with a loving wife, two remarkable daughters. My first married a wonderful Christian man who owns his own chain of UPS stores. My second daughter - little Quinnie - we are so proud of her. Captain of the Cheerios. President of the Celibacy Club. (Heart thumping) R.Fabray: I got a little peek at the dress. I'm certain she's a shoo-in for princess of the... J.Fabray: She is. (Chuckles) R.Fabray: But tonight we are very glad to welcome her new friend - quarterback, no less. Finn: I have to go to the bathroom. Uh... too much pop. J.Fabray: Oh, wait, it's right through the kitchen, sweetheart. R.Fabray: He wears a helmet when he plays, right? Quinn: He's just intimidated by you, Daddy. [SCENE_BREAK] FABRAY'S BATHROOM - FABRAY'S HOUSE Finn comes into the bathroom and shut the door. He takes out his phone and calls someone. The next shot, we see Kurt that is about to board in his room. He hears his phone ring and then he won. Kurt: Well, hello, Finn Hudson. Finn sits on the tub and meets Kurt. Finn : I'm at the Fabrays and I'm freaking out. What does a heart attack feel like? Kurt: Settle down, cowboy. This is why we burned the disc and spent all that time rehearsing. Finn: I can't do it. Kurt: Yes, you can. Just remember the power of the ballad. Finn: I have to go; they'll think I'm pooping. Kurt does not understand and still on the phone. Finn and Kurt still hangs up the phone. Finn gets up from the tub and look in the mirror in front of him. He gestured martial arts. FABRAY'S LUNCHROOM - FABRAY'S HOUSE Finn arrives in the dining room with a CD player. J.Fabray: That's my kitchen radio. Finn: Yeah, I need to borrow it. Quinn: Finn, what's this? Finn: Well, we have this assignment in Glee Club to sing a ballad. They're all about expressing the things you can't find any other way to say. Quinn: Oh, God, Finn, don't. Please don't. Finn: No, I need to do this for both of us. He starts the CD and the intro to "(You're) Having My Baby" begins. Finn : ♪You're having my baby ♪ ♪ What a lovely way of saying how much you love me ♪ ♪ You're having my baby ♪ ♪ What a lovely way of saying ♪ ♪ What you're thinking of me ♪ ♪ I can see it ♪ ♪ Your face is glowing ♪ ♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪ ♪ I'm happy you know it ♪ ♪ I'm happy you know it ♪ ♪ That you're having my baby ♪ ♪ You're the woman I love ♪ ♪ And I love what it's doing to you ♪ ♪ You're having my baby ♪ ♪ You're a woman in love and I love ♪ ♪ What's going through you ♪ ♪ The need inside you ♪ ♪ I see it showing ♪ ♪ Whoa, the seed ♪ ♪ Inside you, baby... ♪ Russell Fabray stops the CD, and rose to be in front of Finn. Finn did not dare look at him, and Quinn and embarrassed. Include teens while parents of Quinn understood. FABRAY'S LIVING ROOM - FABRAY'S HOUSE Russell, Judy, Quinn and Finn are sitting in the lounge. Quinn and Finn on the couch and Russell and Judy are in front of them. J.Fabray: There must be some sort of mistake here. Quinine, we raised you right. Finn: You... you did. We didn't even have s*x. J.Fabray: I'm sorry. Can we just stop the lying, please? Finn: But I... R.Fabray: When you were about five years old, I took you and your sister down to an Indians game. All the other dads brought their sons, but my two girls were enough for me. Quinn: Daddy. R.Fabray: Your sister made it through the whole game, but you fell asleep in my lap. I kept hoping nothing exciting would happen, 'cause I didn't want the crowd to get too loud -- ... wake you up. Russell looks Quinn crying, and he keeps talking. R.Fabray: Didn't matter. You stayed asleep in my arms till the game ended. Quinn: Daddy, I'm so sorry. Russell sighs, and looks Finn. R.Fabray : You need to leave. Quinn: Wait. Please, daddy can we talk about this? Finn is a good guy. He loves me. R.Fabray: You, too. Get out of my house. Finn: You can't do that. She didn't do anything wrong. Please, Mrs. Fabray, do something. Quinn: Don't bother, Finn. Quinn let out some tears. Quinn : If she wanted to do something, she would've when she found out that I was pregnant. R.Fabray: You knew? J.Fabray: I - no. She didn't tell me anything. Quinn: But you knew. And I needed you. I needed my mom. And you were so scared of what he would do if he found out you just pushed it aside like we do every bad feeling in this house. If you don't talk about it, it doen'st exist. R.Fabray: Now do not turn this on us! You are the disappointment here! Quinn: Why? Because I'm not a little girl anymore? Because I made a mistake? R.Fabray: Who are you? I don't recognize you at all. Quinn: I'm your daughter. Who loves you. And who knows this must be really hard for you, but I just need my daddy to hold me, and tell me that it's going to be okay. Russell no longer looks Quinn. He decides to head for it. Quinn : Please. He does not answer. Then he leaves the room and let her daughter cry. R.Fabray : Judy ! Russell calls his wife, and like him, she leaves the room leaving her daughter crying. HUDSON'S CELLAR - HUDSON'S HOUSE Carole's mother, Finn, prepares a washing machine. She sees her son down the stairs. C.Hudson : Honey, how many times have I told you, you gotta turn these T-shirts right side out before you... She sees that Quinn is with his son down the stairs. Finn: Um... Mom, Quinn's parents threw her out. Could she stay here for a couple of days? C.Hudson: yeah, of course she can. Honey, you can stay here as long as you want. Quinn makes it a "thank you" to her head and smiled. HIGH SCHOOL'S BATHROOM - HIGH SCHOOL Rachel make-up, and we see Suzy Pepper out of a toilet. Suzy: Hey Barbra Streisand, we need to have a little talk. Rachel: I have nothing to say to you, Pepper. If you continue to stalk me, I'll press charges. Everyone knows what you are. You're the school crazy. Suzy: I was crazy. Crazy in love. Rachel: there's nothing you can say that's going to change the way I feel about Mr. Schuester. Ours is a love for the ages. Your threats will just make our love grow stronger. Suzy: Let me tell you a few things I learned from two years of intense psychotherapy and an esophagus transplant. Lesson number one: You and Shue? It won't work. Rachel: What do you mean? Suzy: We're not so different, you and me. We're both mildly attractive and extremely grating. Love is hard for us. We look for boys we know we can never have. Mr. Shue is a perfect target for our self-esteem issues: He can never reciprocate our feelings, which only reinforces the conviction that we're not worthy of being loved. Trust me. I'm a autionary tale. You need to find some self-respect, Rachel. Suzy leaves the toilet leaving Rachel think about the words she has just been released. CHOIR ROOM - HIGH SCHOOL Rachel is sitting on a chair with a green plant and expects M.Schuester. Rachel: Mr. Shcuester, I'm ready when you are! The ballad I've selected has an important message that I'm anxious for you to hear. Will: Rachel, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop you. The way you've been acting is totally inappropriate. I'm your teacher, Rachel, and I'm sorry, but that's all I'm ever going to be. Rachel: I know. I... brought these for you as an apology. And the song I was going to sing was, "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" by Elton John, 'cause I know how much you love it. I'm such an idiot. Rachel returns to sit on a chair. Rachel: I'm such an idiot. Mooning over you and cleaning your apartment... Will: Hey. Will was going to sit next to Rachel. Will: It's okay. I know it's not always easy for you, Rachel. And I know that there are some things about yourself that you think you'd like to change. Rachel back tears. Will: But you should know that there is some boy out there who's going t like you for everything you are. Including those parts of you that even you don't like. Those are going to be the things he likes the most. Rachel stops sobbing and looks Mr. Schuester. Rachel: Thanks, Mr. Shue. Will: what do you say we ditch rehearsal today? Rachel laughs and wipes some tears on her face this. Will: I've got to be honest, Rachel, you've never really needed much help with ballads. You've been knocking them out of the park since day one. Will takes the flowers on the piano. Rachel joins him and they go to the exit. Rachel: Do you like them? Will: They're great. AUDITORIUM - HIGH SCHOOL Kurt puts a CD into the drive and closes it. Kurt: So they just kicked her out? Finn: Yeah. Gave her half an hour to pack. Father set the timer on the microwave. Kurt: I'm sorry. I guess my plan kind of sucked. Finn: No, uh, this is good. No more secrets. You know, everything's out there - all the feelings. And that's better, right? Kurt: Yes. Better. Finn: Good. All right, well, uh, let's works on your ballad. You were really helpful when I was trying to find mine. So what is it? Kurt: "I Honestly Love You". Finn: Sounds awesome. I don't know the song, or whatever, but it sounds positive and nice and stuff. Mercedes comes up behind Kurt. Mercedes: Hey, you two. We need to go to the choir room. Kurt gets up. Kurt: Because there's something we want to give you and Quinn. CHOIR ROOM - HIGH SCHOOL Mercedes arrives with Finn. Kurt follows them. Finn: Is there a cake? Mercedes: No, there's no cake. Quinn: Oh. Mercedes: Be quiet and sit down. Hi Quinn. Finn: Do you know what's going on? Will speaks, and all the glee club, except Finn and Quinn, get up. Will: Your fellow Glee Club members want to sing a song for you guys to let yyou know how they feel about you. Finn: What are you going to sing? Rachel: Just listen. The song says everything. "Lean On Me" begins and the Glee Club sing the chorus. All: ♪ hum-hum-hum-hum ♪ ♪ Hum-hum-hum-hum ♪ ♪ Hum-hum-hum-hum ♪ Artie: ♪ Hold on ♪ ♪ Sometimes in our lives ♪ ♪ We all have pain ♪ ♪ We all have sorrow ♪ ♪ But if we are wise ♪ ♪ We know that there's always tomorrow ♪ Artie & Mercedes: ♪ Lean on me ♪ ♪ When you're not strong ♪ ♪ And I'll be your friend ♪ ♪ I'll help you carry on ♪ ♪ For it won't be long ♪ ♪ Till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on ♪ All: ♪ Just lean on me ♪ ♪ Call on your brother ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ When you need a friend ♪ ♪ We all need somebody to lean on ♪ Artie: ♪ Somebody to lean on ♪ All: ♪ I just might have a problem ♪ ♪ That you'll understand ♪ ♪ We all need somebody to lean on ♪ ♪ Lean on me ♪ Artie: ♪ Oh, oh if there is a load ♪ ♪ There's a load ♪ ♪ You have to face ♪ ♪ You have to face ♪ ♪ That you can't carry ♪ ♪ I am right up the road ♪ ♪ I'll share your load ♪ ♪ If you just call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ ♪ I'm calling ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ ♪ When you need a friend ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ ♪ When you need a friend ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Any time of day ♪ ♪ Call me ♪ Mercedes: ♪ Ooh, it won't be long ♪ ♪ Till I'm gonna need ♪ ♪ Somebody to lean on ♪ ♪ Lean on, lean on me ♪ ♪ Lean on, lean on ♪ ♪ Lean on me ♪ All: ♪ Lean on me ♪ ♪ Lean on, lean on ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Lean on me ♪ ♪ You can lean on me ♪ ♪ I'm gonna need somebody to lean on ♪ ♪ Gonna need somebody to lean on ♪ ♪ Hey... ♪ ♪ Somebody to lean on. ♪	Plan: A: The glee club members; Q: Who is split into pairs to sing ballads to one another? A: Will; Q: Who is Rachel paired with? A: a crush; Q: What does Rachel develop with Will? A: the world's hottest pepper; Q: What did the last student Will turned down almost die after eating? A: her grief; Q: Why did Will's last student almost die after eating the world's hottest pepper? A: Finn; Q: Who moves in with Quinn when her parents throw her out? A: Quinn; Q: Who is pregnant? A: Puck; Q: Who reveals to Mercedes that he is the father of Quinn's baby? Summary: The glee club members are split into pairs to sing ballads to one another. Rachel is paired with Will and develops a crush on him. Will struggles to let Rachel down gently, recalling that the last student he turned down almost died after eating the world's hottest pepper in her grief. Finn and Quinn's parents learn that Quinn is pregnant, and she moves in with Finn and his mother when her own parents throw her out. Puck reveals to Mercedes that he is the father of Quinn's baby.
Ted (2030): Children, if there is a major theme in this story, and I swear, it's almost, really, not quite at the end of the story.This is timing. The timing makes all the difference. For example, I never met your mother if it was not for a wedding.The last of the weddings that I thought would be. Ted enters a room where Barney. Barney: What do you think of this tie? Ted: Thank you, God. Barney Stinson needs you just before her marriage, is that there must be a dead prostitute in the closet, right? Barney: This one is better? Ted: The tie is well, and you know, this is perfectly normal pinball shortly before his marriage. Barney: I'm not scared. It's just that I think once I'd put this tie, I could never remove it. I should wear it again and again. And of course this tie is fine now, but how I will cope when it becomes big and it annoy me? Do I made a mistake? Is what I would have been happier with the other tie? Ted, I can tell you a big secret? Ted: Yeah, sure. Barney: I do not really talk about the tie. Ted: Yeah, I realized that Barney. Barney: I wonder if this will be a disaster. And if it was the worst of all marriage? Ted: Impossible. It has already been the worst of all marriage. Barney: That of Punchy. Ted: Marshall has really ruined all that. Ted (2030): The story of Uncle Marshall has ruined everything in my friend's wedding Punchy starts in September 2011. September 2011... Ted (2030): Punchy asked me to be his witness. Barney, Robin, Marshall and Lily to join Ted McLaren's. Ted: Hi. Guys before you go that you bother to read my toast for the wedding? Barney: Yeah, no problem, of course. Ted: Ok Ted pulls out a thick binder. Barney: Woow. Ted: There are several different versions. Robin: Ted, why you work so hard on this speech? Punchy has applied with a karaoke microphone in a bowling alley. Ted: Ok, I have never said that, but over the years, some of my friends from high school asked me to give speeches at their weddings, and they have not gone well. Flashback In 2008... Ted: These marriages have become associated as the worst moment of my life. The love between Joel and Mora is magnificent. I thought I had the same thing... Until my fiancee left me at the altar last week. I was asked not to talk about that, so I will not do. I sit in front of her home at night sometimes. It changed hairstyle. (In 2009...) After losing my job last week, I asked not to give this toast... (A man tries to take her microphone) No, no, no! The happy couple should hear. It's over. But from the ashes of your divorce statistically probable, hope can be reborn. That is why I opened my own architectural firm Mosbius Designs. (3 months later...) Mosbius Designs went bankrupt. But the love of Alex and Jessica reminds us that... Oh, my God! Punchy: A Schmosby classic. End flashback Robin: Wow. Punchy has posted weaknesses of your life? Ted: Oh, not that much. Now I am a total disaster for all my old high school friends. And a lot of people in Finland are the big stuff. This is why I have to type this toast. Barney: Ted, you can hit you something else to this marriage.Let the big binder. The only thing you have to bring it to Cleveland. Ted (2030): This fall I became the youngest designer in the history of New York by building a skyscraper. This earned me a brilliant article in a magazine. I plan to frame it. Uncle Barney had different plans. Barney: Here's your speech. "In single file, girls. No big. " Ted: This is ridiculous. Barney: Yeah, you're right. This is Cleveland. "In single file, girls. " GENERIC Ted: I will not Punchy's wedding to brag... cover of a magazine. Robin: Barney, he did not need your advice. You never called Nora. Flashback Ted (2030): Children, you remember Nora. But the other day... Barney: I'll call you. Nora: It's never too late, Barney. End flashback Robin: Or you called? It's not that I want to know. So what? I do not care. You did? Barney: I did not call. Robin: Slim, Barney. I was really, really, really for both of you.Who wants chicken wings? Lily: Me. Or maybe we should make the hot sauce on Barney, now that's a sissy. Barney: I'm not a wimp. Nora wanted a professional. Not me.That's it. And yes, Robin, I want chicken wings. Lily: Cannibal. Robin: Ok, next tour for me. Marshall: Oh no, no, it does that. Ted (2030): Lily and Marshall had just heard that they have a baby. Flashback Lily and Marshall discuss their room. Marshall: I can not wait to tell everyone. Lily: Baby, no one can tell anyone. Not before three months. I do not want you to have bad luck. Marshall: It's a bit superstitious, do not you think? Lily: Whenever you take a plane, you lick. Marshall: Has it been crashed once? Lily: Do not say a word until we know that all is well. Ok? Marshall: Ok, so everything will be okay. Promised. Lily: How can you guarantee that? Marshall, lifting the shirt of Lily: Come here. End flashback Marshall: I'm so happy. I do not know how we will keep this secret for three months. Lily: Relax. It will be easy. Bartender: What'll it be? Lily: Four beer, plus a non-alcoholic. Bartender: You're pregnant! Come here! Ted (2030): So we all went to my hometown where we had planned to celebrate the marriage of Punchy. Uncle Barney had other plans. Barney: Stand ready, Cleveland. The last guy who has conned you so hard and then disappeared was LeBron James. Robin: You're going to try to make you anybody here? Barney: What? Robin: My God, Barney, tonight is a magical night between the annoying friend of Ted and that is what this-face. A little respect. Barney: It's not just be someone. This is a market survey. You see, my legendary success rate of 83%... Ted: 17. He always reverse. Barney:... never happens by accident. Each technique used to drag a woman has been thoroughly field tested. By eliminating improper techniques in small markets like Cleveland. I know which will go to New York. For example, tonight marks the inauguration of the escaped prisoner. Do prisoners on the run are sexy? All: No, no. Barney: We'll never know unless I try tonight. Punchy: Schmosby! Oh! sh1t head! What's up?! Marshall: You really feel this ring now. Kelly: Glad you all here. Punchy: Open Bar. Bottoms up, sh1t head, because it is the father of Kelly who pays, and he hates me. Kelly: It's true. Punchy: Who drinks? Go, go. Lily: Oh, no, thank you. Punchy: You're pregnant or what? Lily: Let's be crazy! You're going to drink for two tonight, baby. Marshall: I'll do it for the child. Kelly and Punchy: Go Browns! Marshall: During the season of super bowl, but if they mean the super bowl. Go Vikings. Barney: Prisoners on the run are not sexy. At the same time it was a faulty concept. Next step, the patient zero. Robin: Lily, you go getting drunk tonight. Lily: That's all you, baby. Marshall: I'd to 4 glasses without eating. Lily: In nine months I would push a baby Eriksen with a pumpkin head out of my hoo-haa. I think Dad can handle a few cocktails and more. Marshall: Well done. Lily: Hakuna Matata! Marshall: I gotta go get some air. Ted (2030): Children, do you remember when I told you that Marshall has ruined the marriage of Punchy? (Marshall is close to the cake) It was not that. Robin: My God, have you seen this guy. I want Barney is my new boyfriend. No, thank you. Lily: Wait a minute. It's your voice of truth. Robin: My what? Lily: Whenever you try to pretend that you're kidding but in fact it is profoundly true, you are using that voice. Flashback Robin is watching TV with Lily. Robin: I would like the Spice Girls back together. They were awesome. The worst. (At the bar...) It was me. I farted. It is this type. (At Ted's apartment...) birthday gift from my father. All I want from him is that he tells me he loves me. Just kidding.This pen is sufficient. It's enough. It is completely sufficient. End flashback Lily: Oh, my God. You always have feelings for Barney. Admit it, you still have feelings for Barney. Robin: You're more drunk than I thought. I mean, look at this type. Barney: Wait, wait, wait, before you leave, please do respond to this survey to help me better to seduce you in the future.What does not work for you in this game of seduction? Does A do not you think that I hold a bailiff of the world? B or fingernails disgusts you? (He shows her nails, very long and the girl goes away) Sea... Man: Eager to hear your toast, Schmosby. Punchy: Yeah, here is the whiner. Ted: Wait. You encourage me to cry at your own wedding? Punchy: Yes, everyone encourages you. Plus some new friends from Finland. Hey, good luck, Schmos. Barney: Take that. Shows them how much you're great. Say your ad, not ashamed, say that. Ted: I've told you, I'm not here to brag, ok? Marshall: That's it. You're too polite to brag. Well, fine. Let me do it. Because the only person on Earth who loves more than Ted Mosby Marshall Eriksen Marshall Eriksen is drunk. So here we go. [SCENE_BREAK] It takes a rugby ball and throws... Ted (2030): Children, do you remember when I see have said that Marshall would ruin the marriage of Punchy and Kelly? It was not that either. Robin: Barney and I have tried and failed. It was there two years. Why would I start? It would not make sense. Lily: It does not make sense. It's chemistry. Listen, I always them a sixth sense for these things. And now that I'm pregnant... deep in me in my uterus, I see things more clearly. You and Barney have that kind of chemistry that is still there. Robin: Really? That's why he tries to Lebron anything that moves? Barney: It does not work for you because A vampires are offside, B or pretend that I invented Facebook was a bit too? The woman leaves. Lily: You're the reason why he never called Nora. You're the reason why he only tests tonight. And you're the reason why he continues to try to impress. Chemistry. Marshall: Wow! Ted! It's really you on the cover of New York.Now, you say "yes." Ted: Stop please. Man: Schmosby. What is this magazine? Ted: You know what, Clay? It's nothing. Marshall: You know what? This is not nothing. Clay, my friend Ted has designed a building, Clay. What do you do, Clay? Clay: Well, I'm still working in the rental car... Marshall: Hear, hear, Clay. No major publication does write about your small agency? Clay: No, no, no items. My life is monotonous. I think the only news is that little thing. Marshall: Oh my God, look at this little baby. She's so cute. All I want is to put her little feet in my mouth. You have created something really beautiful. Clay: It's all for me. Ted: I mean, it's still huge... The building, you know? Marshall: Hey, kid. (With another couple and their child...) So this little angel is already every night? Ted: I spent many sleepless nights... to design this building.(The baby makes a return to the magazine) Nothing symbolism there. Robin: Forget it. There is no chemistry between Barney and me. It's over. Lily: Oh really? Prove it. Go talk to him. Robin: Why should I tell him about that? Lily: Because in the depths of himself, even if he does not know yet, Barney wants to be with you. And if it does not happen, he deserves to know. Robin: Well. Barney, just to make things clear... Barney: I know what you gonna say. Show in Cleveland, how it goes. He pulls him and takes him to dance. Robin: Barney... I... Barney's phone rings. Barney: Sorry. Oh, my God, this is Nora. She finally ended up reminding me. Robin: Wait, you said you'd never recalled. Barney: I lied. I called, like, five times. Wait, wait! You guys you know better than anyone how I show this stuff. Will you help me please? I would like just once to see what it feels like when you do not quite fair. Robin: Yeah. Barney: Hi Nora. Thank you for reminding me. The reason I'm calling... Robin: To tell you how I feel. Barney: To tell you how I feel. Robin: I know it did not work the first time... Barney: I know it did not work the first time... Robin:... and it makes no sense... Barney:... and it makes no sense... Robin:... but I can not help thinking that goes well together. Barney:... but I can not help thinking that goes well together. Robin: Is there a part of you that wants to try again? Barney: Is there a part of you that wants to try again? Barney thank Robin walking away. Marshall returns to see Lily with a baby in her arms. Marshall: Baby, I can not do that. I have to tell someone that we are pregnant. Lily: Eriksen, be strong. Keep it a secret. Marshall: There are babies everywhere. It's minefield of sweetness. Look at this little bstrd. Lily: Marshall, stop that. Remains strong. Can not you let me hold a little baby with his little cheeks... so cute... and little arms and little legs... This little bstrd has dimples. We will tell everyone I'm pregnant. Marshall: Yeah! Robin comes out on the terrace and found there Ted. Ted: Are you okay? Robin: No. And you? Ted: Not really. Want to talk? Robin: Not even a little bit. Ted: It might help you feel better. Robin: Okay, well, we'll make a deal. You go first and then I still do not tell you what's wrong. Ted: Okay. All my friends from high school, are there with their wives and children. And me? My appointment is a dirty magazine. Robin: As in high school. Sorry, I had to. Ted: I've always believed in fate, you know? I will go in a magazine Bagel, I would see a pretty girl in the queue reading my favorite novel, whistling the song I had all week in my head, and I would think, "Wow, this is perhaps the good. " Now I think "I just know that bitch will take the latest Bagel." Robin: You've been too focused on your work. Ted: No, it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not like some depressed, I cry during my speech. Not the way I had not even noticed, until tonight. It's just that every day I think I believe a little less and a little less and less. And... it sucks. What should I do about it, Scherbatsky? Robin: You're Ted Mosby. You do it again to believe it. Ted: What, in fate? Robin: A chemistry. If there is alchemy, you just need another thing. Ted: What is it? Robin: The timing. But the timing is a bitch. Ted: Hey, we always have our market 40 years? If you are still only 40 years... Robin: I'm all yours. Unrelated, architects make a lot? Ted: Not enough. Robin: sh1t. Man: Schmosby to you in two minutes. Robin: Ok, promise me two things. One, believe in you again, and two, do not cry during the toast, Schmosby. Ted: I promise. Lily: We're having a baby. Robin: For real? Lily: For real. Ted, Barney and Robin: Oh! Oh! Voices: A little attention everyone! This is the time for which we are all here tonight. The speech Schmosby! Ted: We are here tonight to celebrate love. The love that brings us a new life... Marshall: Hey! (Marshall took the microphone from the hands of Ted) This is not a whiner. They are tears of joy. Ted is happy for his friends because it's the best guy I know. And do you know why he is happy? For the beautiful young lady is pregnant here. Kelly: How did you know...? It must have a secret! Ted (2030): It turns out that... Flashback Kelly: Will the Browns! Kelly gives his glass to Punchy and he just takes his own drinking. Marshall: In the season's Super Bowl, but if they mean the Super Bowl. Go Vikings! End flashback Kelly's father: How dare you? This is my daughter, sort of junk. Punchy: You always pay for it all, eh? Punchy's father: "Species of junk"? This is my son. Ted (2030): And that's how Marshall has destroyed the marriage of Punchy. But we did not care. It would be a sixth member in our family. Back to today... Ted: No marriage will be as bad as that one, huh? Barney: I chose the right tie, huh? Ted: You've nailed. And be glad it is not the tie-duck. Oh, the tie-duck. Ted (2030): This is a good story. I will return. We are not even close to the end. Barney: You're a good best man, Ted. You'll cry during the toast, right? Ted: Oh, I'll cry too. A knock on the door. Barney: Between. Lily: Ted, the bride wants to see you. Seriously? Will you be wearing this tie?	Plan: A: a mystery bride; Q: Who is Barney getting married to? A: Punchy's wedding; Q: What wedding do Barney and Ted reminisce about? A: Marshall; Q: Who and Lily announced they were having a baby? A: Robin; Q: Who considers telling Barney she has feelings for him? Summary: While Barney prepares for his wedding to a mystery bride, he and Ted reminisce about Punchy's wedding, including when Marshall and Lily announced they are having a baby. Meanwhile, Robin considers telling Barney she has feelings for him.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the living room.] Monica: Do you realize that four weeks from today we're getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!! Chandler: Do you realize you get louder each week? Monica: There's still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet? Chandler: I figured I'd buy those. Pat, I'd like to buy a vow. (Laughs) Monica: Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding. Chandler: Right. So uh, have you written yours yet? Monica: No! But I know exactly what I'm going to say. Chandler: Do you happen to know what I'm going to say? Monica: (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Let's just do it right now. Okay? It won't be hard. Just say what's in your heart. (She goes back, sits down, and starts feverishly writing.) Chandler: (watching in her) (in his head) Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! What's wrong with me? Ooh, don't open that door. Opening Credits [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is getting help writing his vows from Joey and Ross.] Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words... (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard! Joey: All right, uh... (To Ross) Oh hey, you've done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows? Ross: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise. Chandler: I'm so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You should've seen her. Writing, writing, writing! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has hit a writer's block as Rachel and Phoebe enter.] Rachel: Monica what? Phoebe: What?! Rachel: What is the emergency?! Monica: You have to help me! I'm supposed to be writing my vows and all I have is this! (Shows them what she's been working on.) Rachel: Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress. Monica: Thank you. Phoebe: Yeah, except your breasts look kinda small. (Points.) Monica: Those are my eyes! Those are my breasts. (Points.) Phoebe: Oh! Yeah! (Monica glares at her.) [Cut to the guys.] Ross: Well, why don't you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you. Chandler: Yeah, I'm not sure I can do that. [Flashback to when Chandler was introduced to Monica in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.] Ross: ...everyone, this is Chandler! Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister. Chandler: (seeing her) Okay. [Cut to the girls.] Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more." [Flashback to The One With The Jellyfish, Chandler and Monica are lying on the beach.] Chandler: All right, there's a nuclear holocaust, I'm the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me? Monica: Ennnh. [Cut back to the girls.] Monica: Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?! Phoebe: Well maybe you don't talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about, y'know, all the things that he's taught you. Like... (They all try to think about one example and don't succeed.) Or all the things you taught him. [Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.] Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there's more than three), five, six, and seven! Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) That's one? Monica: It's kind of an important one! Chandler: Oh, y'know-y'know what, I was looking at it upside down. Rachel: Well, y'know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that could've meant.) Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 ...7.....7...7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7...(mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.) [Cut to the guys.] Joey: Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, "Monica... Chandler: (writing) Monica... Joey: "...when I look back over our time together..." Chandler: (writes what Joey said and waits for him to go on) Yeah? Joey: Well, I can't do everything! Look back over your time together. [This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.] Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute. Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two? Chandler: You'll get one. Monica: Oh yeah? When? Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one? Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40? Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically. Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? Chandler: No, no, no. Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriageable about me? Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh. Monica: Well? Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in) [Cut to Ross leaping into Chandler's Hotel room in London in The One With Ross's Wedding.] Ross: (Screaming) I'm getting married today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.) Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.) [Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joey's apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.] Chandler: Nice try. Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.) Chandler: Look, Monica... Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.) Chandler: This is not going to work. Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.) Chandler: You are so great! I love you! (Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.) Monica: What? Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking! Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this! Chandler: No I didn't! Monica: Yes, you did! Chandler: No I didn't! Monica: You love me! Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.) [Cut to Chandler trying to hint to Monica that he wanted to move in with her in The One After Vegas.] Chandler: Y'know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here? Monica: Then all your stuff would be here. Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here? Monica: Then you'd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn't make any sense. Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I'm saying? [Cut to Chandler entering his and Monica's apartment in The One With The Proposal.] (He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.) Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise. (He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.) Chandler: Oh my God. (Monica gets down on one knee.) Monica: Chandler... In all my life... I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to...fall in love with my best...my best... There's a reason why girls don't do this! Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought... (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me? Monica: Yes. (The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.) Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! We're dying out here! Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) We're engaged!!! (Everyone screams and has a group hug.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch as Joey and Ross enter.] Joey: Hey! Ross: Hey! Rachel: Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: Hey, what have you guys been up to? Ross: Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions. Joey: How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate? Ross: How's Monica coming along with her vows? Phoebe: Well let's just say its.. she's lucky she has a sweet ass, 'cause she's not so good at the writing. Ross: I can't believe that in four weeks they're gonnta be married! Phoebe: Well let's just hope it works. Y'know, nine out of ten marriages end in divorce? Ross: Phoebe that's not true. Phoebe: Yeah, you're right. How's the Mrs.? Rachel: I can't believe they've been together for three years. Joey: (shocked) Has it been that long?! Ross: Believe me, it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long. [Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.] (They move into a kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.) Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in! (Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.) Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day. Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some? Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then. Joey: Okay. (Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.) Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken. Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken. Chandler: Hey Joe! (Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.) Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some coleslaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke. (Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.) [Cut back to Central Perk.] Rachel: I don't know why they didn't just tell us. Joey: I know! I mean it's not like we weren't cool about it. [This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new-found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monica's bedroom in The One With All the Kips.] Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?! Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows! Joey: How?! When?! Chandler: It happened in London. Joey: IN LONDON!!! Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone! (They both grab him and stop him.) Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't! Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell. (Joey thinks it over.) Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! [Cut to Rachel listening to a phone conversation between Chandler and Monica in The One With All the Resolutions.] Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours. Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.) Monica: (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big... Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.) [Cut to Phoebe in Ross's new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what they're about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.] Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!! Rachel: What?! Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!! Rachel: Oh my God! Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!! Rachel: OH MY GOD!!! Phoebe: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!! Rachel: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!! Phoebe: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!! Rachel: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW! Phoebe: YOU KNOW?!!! Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know, so you have to stop screaming!! Ross: (entering) What's going on? Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!! Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi! Ross: What?! What?! Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment! Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.) Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.) (Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.) [Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey where they discuss Chandler and Monica.] Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know, and they don't know that Rachel knows? Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over! Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own [Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandler's, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.] Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie. Monica: Bye! All: Bye! Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.) Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!! Monica: Actually, I did! Chandler: Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me? Monica: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us! [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebe's knowledge.] Chandler: Phoebe knows about us! Joey: Well I didn't tell them! Monica: Them?! Who's them? Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey. Monica: Joey! Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell! Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But, see, they don't know that we know that they know! So... Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messees! [Cut to later in that episode. Phoebe is telling Rachel in Monica and Chandler's that Chandler wants to make a date with Phoebe.] Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more! Rachel: Are you kidding?! Phoebe: No! Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to Mon-Whoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know? Joey: No. Rachel: Joey! Joey: They know you know. Rachel: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two! Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything! Joey: I couldn't even if I wanted to. [Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and he's panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.] Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her! Monica: She's bluffing! Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.) [Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.] Phoebe: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion. Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open. Joey: Ooh! Rachel: Okay! Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.) Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons. Joey: It's not my first time. [Cut to the bathroom.] Monica: You go back out there, and you seduce her till she cracks! Chandler: Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here? Monica: Of course. [Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.] Chandler: Oh, you're-you're going? Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra. Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy we're gonna have all the sx. Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now. Chandler: Not if I kiss you first. (They move closer together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her waist, but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.) Phoebe: Ooh. Chandler: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss. Phoebe: Here it comes. Our first kiss. (They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.) Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sx with ya! Phoebe: And why not?! Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!! Phoebe: You're-you're what?! (Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.) Chandler: Love her! That's right, I...LOVE...HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica. Monica: I love you too, Chandler. (They kiss.) Phoebe: I just-I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love! Joey: So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows! Monica: Well actually, Ross doesn't. Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet. [Cut to later in that episode. Ross is showing his boss his new place.] Ross: (He notices something through the window.) No! No! Wh... What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross are talking.] Phoebe: Y'know, you're friend's getting married, it's gotta change things. Rachel: You really think it would be that different? Phoebe: How could it not be? I mean pretty soon they're gonna be having kids, and then they're just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids. And then maybe they're gonna have to leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership. Rachel: Well, things change. Joey: I don't want them to move to a Volvo dealership! Ross: It'll be okay Joe. Joey: I'm sorry, I just...I like things the way they are. [Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, they're all going through an old photo album.] Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy? Ross: That little naked guy would be me. Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing. Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my pen1s. Can we be grown-ups now? Chandler: Who are those people? Ross: Got me. Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'. Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there? Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25? Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile) Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked! Ross: (looking) No-no, that would be me again. [Cut back to Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are entering.] Monica: Hey, you guys! Phoebe: Hey. Joey: Hey. Chandler: What's going on? Rachel: Well, we were just talkin' about you guys gettin' married and how great it is. Joey: Yeah, you can get a Volvo. If that's what you really want. Monica: Oh that's so sweet. Chandler: So we both finished our vows. Phoebe: Oh! Joey: Hey! Rachel: Oh, can we read them? Monica: Yeah, I don't hear Chandler's and he doesn't hear mine. Rachel: Okay. Phoebe: Okay. (They spilt into their sexes and the girls read Monica's and the guys read Chandler's. The girls gasp and groan and the guys laugh hysterically. Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, that's beautiful. Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! That's good! Rachel: (To Monica) Monica, will-will you marry me? (Ross laughs.) Joey: What? I don't get it. (Ross points to the explanation and he gets it.) Ross: (To Chandler) Oh man, this is hilarious. Monica: Chandler!! Chandler: Don't worry honey, we'll make yours funnier. Ending Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandler's new vows.] Chandler: Okay, what do you guys think? Ross: (quietly) Dude! Joey: (starting to cry) I have never known love like this. Chandler: You really like it? Ross: Dude! How-how did you write this? Chandler: I stole Monica's and changed the name. Ross: You can't do that! Joey: If he goes first he can!	Plan: A: their wedding vows; Q: What are Chandler and Monica dealing with with four weeks left before their wedding? A: their own problems; Q: What are Chandler and Monica dealing with in writing their vows? Summary: With four weeks left before the wedding, Chandler and Monica are faced with the issue of their wedding vows. With each person dealing with their own problems in writing the vows, they turn to memories of past events to help them.
The Destruction of Time Written by Dennis Spooner (Based on an idea by Terry Nation) 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN (MAVIC CHEN is covering SARA and STEVEN with a blaster.) MAVIC CHEN: No, I am alive and soon will be master of the universe! Perhaps, Kingdom, you'd like to lead the way. (He waves his blaster towards the cave that the Dalek entered.) SARA: Down there? MAVIC CHEN: Of course. I'm certain the Daleks will be delighted to see you. (Faced with no alternative, STEVEN and SARA make their way towards the cave, with MAVIC CHEN behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. A METAL CORRIDOR (A door opens and STEVEN, SARA and MAVIC CHEN enter. The cave has lead them to a metal corridor.) STEVEN: Don't you understand? By bringing us down here, you're doing exactly what the Daleks want. MAVIC CHEN: (Puffed up.) Of course. SARA: He's mad! MAVIC CHEN: Take care, Kingdom. I could easily forgo the pleasure of giving you to the Daleks. I could kill you myself. STEVEN: Why did you come back? This couldn't have been planned. You weren't to know that we'd come back and set you free. MAVIC CHEN: I'm not a fool. I guessed your plan. SARA: Our only plan is to destroy the Daleks. MAVIC CHEN: You were able to fool the others, but you can't fool me. Where is the old man, the one you call the Doctor? SARA: We were looking for him. MAVIC CHEN: (Half-believing tone.) Yes, of course. And that's why you came here. (Then snaps.) Now do stop this masquerade! See, I know he is trying to usurp my position with the Daleks. STEVEN: That is absurd! The Doctor's always fought the Daleks. Why don't you believe us? We don't know where he is. MAVIC CHEN: Yet I find you at the entrance to the Daleks' secret headquarters. I know the Doctor's here, and that he's trying to take my place. But I'll soon change that. STEVEN: Why can't you understand the Daleks do not make allies? SARA: Save your breath, Steven. You'll never convince him. I tell you, he's mad! MAVIC CHEN: The Daleks need me. (He states this as if it is a fact.) MAVIC CHEN: And now I'll be able to show them the Doctor will betray them. Lead on! (They carry on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. MAIN DALEK CONTROL ROOM (This is much bigger than the city control room. It is obvious that this is the main headquarters for the invasion force. All around, Daleks are running about making final checks - all under the eye stick of the DALEK SUPREME. By him is the Time Destructor, with the core fitted.) DALEK 1: Assault division of five thousand Daleks awaits orders. DALEK SUPREME: The Time Destructor will be placed in the lead ship. (A second Dalek turns from the communication console.) DALEK 2: Prisoners have been taken at entrance five. DALEK SUPREME: Prisoners? DALEK 2: Dalek guard reports that the group consists of Mavic Chen and two of the time travellers. DALEK SUPREME: Have them bought here to main central control. DALEK 2: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. ANOTHER METAL CORRIDOR (By now, a DALEK GUARD has arrived and is covering all three of the humans. MAVIC CHEN naturally assumes that the guard is there to help him - not seeing that the guard is covering him as well.) MAVIC CHEN: (To guard.) Your assistance, although welcome, is entirely unnecessary. I demand to take them to the Dalek Supreme alone. GUARD: Central control has been advised. MAVIC CHEN: Well advise them again. Until you realise that these people are my prisoners, I shall refuse to hand them over. GUARD: I will verify my orders. MAVIC CHEN: Good. SARA: There is still no proof that the Doctor is here. MAVIC CHEN: Whatever else is thought about you, one cannot help but admire the way you both continue with your absurd bluff. GUARD: Representative Chen, new orders have been received. You are to escort the prisoners to the Dalek Supreme. MAVIC CHEN: Excellent! (To STEVEN & SARA.) After you. (They move on. The guard stays and another Dalek appears from another tunnel.) DALEK: (With a grimness in his voice.) But we are still to assist him. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. MAIN DALEK CONTROL ROOM DALEK 2: The prisoners have arrived. DALEK SUPREME: Bring them in. DALEK 2: I obey. (The door opens...) DALEK 2: (To the Daleks outside.) Bring in the prisoners. (...and the two Daleks with the humans arrive with the prisoners. Both SARA and STEVEN look about with amazement at the size of the control room. MAVIC CHEN, on the other hand, with his usual way, marches into the room like he owns the place.) MAVIC CHEN: (Declaring.) Once again, I - Mavic Chen - Guardian of the Solar System - have helped the Daleks with their conquest plan. (The DALEK SUPREME doesn't even look at him.) DALEK SUPREME: (Coldly.) Our alliance has ended. MAVIC CHEN: (Shocked.) What! But I have helped you time and time again with your absurd incompetence! I - Mavic Chen - will decide when the Alliance is at an end. (He moves forward.) MAVIC CHEN: You, Dalek Supreme, tell them they're to take their orders from me. (Not a noise is heard, as all eyes - human and Dalek - are on Mavic Chen.) MAVIC CHEN: I assume that this silence means that the orders have been passed. Good. (To a DALEK.) You! Bring me the invasion reports. (The Dalek doesn't move.) MAVIC CHEN: It is essential that I know what stage the countdown has reached. Now, move! (Again the Dalek doesn't move. All eyes are still on Mavic Chen.) MAVIC CHEN: You did not pass on my order. Why? (Not a sound.) MAVIC CHEN: Failure to obey the orders of your ruler brings only one reward. (He opens fire with his blaster at the Dalek and the beam bounces off it. With horror he sees that he doesn't have the power to destroy them at all. He tries throwing the gun at the Dalek. It also just bounces off.) DALEK SUPREME: Take him away and exterminate him, but do not fire in here - you will damage us and some of the controls. MAVIC CHEN: (Shouting madly.) You cannot turn against me! I - Mavic Chen - first ruler of the universe - am immortal! (Still screaming, he turns and runs from the room.) DALEK SUPREME: Pursue and exterminate in safe area - repeat - in safe area. (Meanwhile, while the Daleks are all following MAVIC CHEN, the DOCTOR taps STEVEN on the shoulder.) STEVEN: Doctor, how on earth...? DOCTOR: Don't say anything. Just do what I tell you. Take that. (He passes something over to STEVEN.) STEVEN: What? The key to the TARDIS? DOCTOR: Yes. Now, when I tell you, I want you to take Sara back to the TARDIS... You still have that power impulse compass? STEVEN: Yes. DOCTOR: Good. Now follow bearing 627 to the TARDIS. SARA: (A little loud.) But what about you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Shhh... There is no use in all of us taking risks. You must do as I say. STEVEN: Yes, but how did you get here? DOCTOR: I followed a Dalek here, of course. Now, let me get on. (He moves to the Time Destructor.) DOCTOR: I am going to activate the Time Destructor. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. ANOTHER CORRIDOR (MAVIC CHEN gets himself hemmed in by Daleks.) MAVIC CHEN: You will pay for your crimes against your ruler. (the Daleks blast him and at last the so-called ruler of the universe dies screaming.) MAVIC CHEN: You cannot kill me! (But they do.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. MAIN DALEK CONTROL ROOM STEVEN: Be quick! I'm sure they're coming back. DOCTOR: Aha, that's it! Hmm, Hmm. (A ticking noise can be heard from the Time Destructor. The door opens to admit the Daleks, who see the Doctor with the Time Destructor.) DALEK 1: Move back, all of you. DOCTOR: I am afraid you're too late. The Time Destructor is activated. DALEK SUPREME: (To the other Daleks.) Do not fire! DOCTOR: No, you cannot fire, can you? You dare not. If you were to, yes, you could kill us, but you will totally destroy your equipment. I think it is checkmate. Hmm. Send one of your Daleks over here. Remember, the Time Destructor is working... working slowly, but if you disobey me, I can accelerate it. DALEK SUPREME: Do what he says. (A Dalek moves forward with its gun stick lowered.) DOCTOR: (To the Dalek.) Turn about. (The Dalek does so.) DOCTOR: (To STEVEN and SARA.) You two behind it. (Both STEVEN and SARA get behind the Dalek.) DOCTOR: Steven, take my stick and clamp it down on his gun. (STEVEN does so.) DOCTOR: (To the Dalek.) Forward! (The DALEK moves forward with STEVEN and SARA hiding behind it. The DOCTOR follows with the Time Destructor. They reach the door.) DOCTOR: (To STEVEN and SARA.) Now, both of you, back to the TARDIS. STEVEN: What about you, Doctor? DOCTOR: Do as I say, quickly! STEVEN: (Grabbing SARA.) Go on! [SCENE_BREAK] 8. A CORRIDOR (STEVEN and SARA are running, when SARA stops.) SARA: Wait! Steven, we can't just leave him. STEVEN: The Doctor knows what he's doing. At least, I think he does. SARA: All we're doing is running to save our own lives. If anything goes wrong and the Daleks recapture the Time Destructor, we'll have failed for ever. STEVEN: I know what you're saying. Now, I'd go back too, if I thought it would help. Whatever he's doing, he's doing because he thinks it's the best way. Now, come on! (They both carry on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE MAIN CONTROL ROOM (The Doctor takes off his cloak and drops it on the floor, and pushes the Dalek back into the room. He then closes the door and runs as fast as possible.) DALEK SUPREME: (OOV.) Pursue and recapture. Pursue and recapture. Activate alarm! Activate alarm! DALEK: (OOV.) Door control jammed - contact broken. (It's because the door has been caught on the cloak. The Daleks are trying to open a door which its own senses state is already open, hence nothing happens.) DALEK SUPREME: (OOV.) Correct fault immediately, then pursue and recapture. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. ANOTHER CORRIDOR (Running, the DOCTOR comes across SARA, who has somehow lost STEVEN.) DOCTOR: What are you doing here? SARA: I came to help you. DOCTOR: You must remember, my child, this machine is working. It's working slowly because its range is rather small at the moment, but it is working. Now, if you start to feel strange, you must let me know at once. SARA: Yes, all right, but what about them? DOCTOR: First, back to the TARDIS. Steven's not with you? SARA: No. I came back that way. DOCTOR: Hurry, my child, hurry! (They run on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. JUNGLE (STEVEN is moving, but he notices that SARA isn't with him. The effect of the Time Destructor can be heard as a roaring wind.) STEVEN: Sara! Sara! [SCENE_BREAK] 12. ANOTHER PART OF THE JUNGLE SARA: Hurry, Doctor! DOCTOR: My dear, are you beginning to feel strange? Hmm. (SARA begins to speak, but finds it difficult to say the words.) SARA: The wind... Listen... Can't you hear it? I've never heard that on Kembel before. DOCTOR: Yes, well, perhaps it's this Time Destructor having an effect on the elements, hmm. SARA: Then destroy it! DOCTOR: No, no! That's impossible my dear. There's one thing I do know about this machine - it will continue until the Taranium has finally burnt itself out. Our only chance is to get back to the TARDIS. Then I can neutralise it. SARA: Hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. DALEK CONTROL ROOM DALEK 1: Secondary door circuit completed. DALEK SUPREME: Operate! (The Daleks try the door control and the door opens, and a Dalek pushes the cloak aside.) DALEK 2: Obstacle clearing. DALEK SUPREME: Pursue and exterminate! (The Daleks race out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. JUNGLE (The DOCTOR and SARA are still running. However, the effects of the Time Destructor are causing the Doctor to run more slowly and Sara's hair has grown white with age. The wind has stepped up to gale force.) DOCTOR: It's not far now, Sara! (SARA now looks almost an old woman.) SARA: Keep going! The Daleks must be after us by now! DOCTOR: The Time Destructor... (The rest of the words are roared out by the gale.) SARA: You think I don't know? [SCENE_BREAK] 15. JUNGLE OUTSIDE MOUNTAIN (Meanwhile the Daleks have reached the outside and are starting the chase across the jungle. The jungle is falling under the effects of the Destructor as each plant and tree dies of old age.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. JUNGLE NEAR THE TARDIS (The DOCTOR and SARA are almost walking now. Both have aged horribly - SARA is now a old woman who is just barely able to run, and the DOCTOR looks much older than his already advanced years.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM (STEVEN has entered the TARDIS and is looking at the scanner screen for sign of his friends. Seeing no sign of them, he bangs his fist on the console in exasperation.) STEVEN: Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. JUNGLE (Still gliding forwards at a set speed, the Daleks are moving through the jungle at a faster rate than the Doctor and Sara.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. JUNGLE OUTSIDE TARDIS (The wind is at hurricane force, and both the DOCTOR and SARA are now just barely able to walk. Luck is with them as they arrive in the area where the TARDIS is parked, just a few feet away. However, both are moving so slowly - and for SARA it is too far, and she is getting too old to move, let alone walk.) SARA: (Weakly.) Doctor... (SARA struggles to make it. The DOCTOR too, for all of his years, is moving too slowly. The Time Destructor has aged him terribly and he can barely move.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM (STEVEN is overjoyed to see them, but then sees the effects of the Time Destructor.) STEVEN: DOCTOR! SARA! (Seeing that they need help, he opens the TARDIS doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. JUNGLE OUTSIDE TARDIS STEVEN: Dust! It's all crumbling into dust. (The DOCTOR has a few feet to go when he collapses - the Time Destructor still pulsing away. SARA, now too old to even stand, collapses on the jungle floor. She tries to move forward one final time, collapses, and then dies of old age. Within a few seconds, SARA becomes a skeleton. A few seconds later, she is gone.) STEVEN: Sara! (But Sara is gone, and the effect starts on him. He moves forward at a walk, fighting the wind, until he reaches the Doctor. By the time that he does, STEVEN's hair has grown grey.) STEVEN: Come on, Doctor. DOCTOR: (In a very old voice.) No, don't touch me. STEVEN: I must help you. DOCTOR: Get back to the ship! (He cries with the effects. STEVEN tries some of the controls on the Time Destructor and causes it to stop beeping. While it seems to be doing something, STEVEN rushes over and grabs the Doctor, and both of them struggle into the TARDIS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: (Weakly.) Close the door. (When the DOCTOR and STEVEN get inside and the effect wears off, they return to their old selves and ages. STEVEN closes the door.) DOCTOR: Thank you, my friend. Thank you, Steven. By chance, you reversed the Time Destructor. Instead of Time rushing forward, it's now racing back. (He looks about the room for the other companion.) DOCTOR: Sara? You realise she came to look for me, to see if I was all right? Hmm. STEVEN: I was forcing my way through the jungle. I didn't even see her go. (On the scanner, the Daleks arrive in the clearing.) DOCTOR: The Daleks! [SCENE_BREAK] 23. JUNGLE OUTSIDE TARDIS (The DALEKS arrive into the clearing - the Time Destructor still working and beeping. The Daleks see this and try firing at it. Their blasts have no effect, and the effect of the Time Destructor causes them to lose control and crash into each other, and somehow start to come apart. For a second, the creatures' insides are shown, but these, too, start to change as time runs back. At the end, they start to become something humanoid, but then they too are gone. The Time Destructor is beeping alone as the jungle, which a few moments ago was dying but is now re-growing back into seeds.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. JUNGLE OUTSIDE TARDIS (A little while later, the jungle is gone - nothing but dust everywhere. The only thing on the planet is the TARDIS and what's left of the Time Destructor. STEVEN and the DOCTOR step out onto the planet.) DOCTOR: Oh, dust. Nothing but dust! (He coughs.) (STEVEN finds the remains of the Time Destructor and picks it up.) STEVEN: (Softly.) The Time Destructor - what's left of it. DOCTOR: Mavic Chen's Taranium Core has finally burnt itself out. (STEVEN throws it on the ground.) STEVEN: I wish Sara could have seen the end. DOCTOR: Yes, my boy, so do I. You know, Steven, the one thing that Sara lived for was to see the total destruction of the Daleks. Well, now it's all over. Without her help, this could never have been achieved, hmm. (He starts to chuckle to himself.) STEVEN: What is it? (The DOCTOR points to a burn on the ground. This is where one of the Daleks was.) DOCTOR: Millions of years of progress reversed back - that's all that remains of a Dalek. (He continues chuckling to himself.) STEVEN: (Weightily.) Lets go, Doctor. I've seen enough of this place. DOCTOR: (A little happy.) Well, my boy we finally rid this planet of Daleks! (STEVEN is upset that the DOCTOR is celebrating their victory.) STEVEN: (In a slightly crying and slightly angry tone.) Brett! Katarina! Sara! (The Doctor thinks while Steven goes back on board the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: What a waste. What a terrible waste. (Without another word, he turns and boards the TARDIS, and with its usual sound, the TARDIS leaves Kembel.)	Plan: A: Missing episode; Q: What is the name of the episode that was supposed to be in the year 4000? A: the year 4000; Q: In what year did the Daleks conspire to conquer the Solar System? A: treachery; Q: What is at the highest levels of the Daleks' scheme? A: a weapon; Q: What is the Daleks using to destroy the fabric of time? A: catastrophe; Q: What can only the Doctor and his friends prevent? A: no guarantee; Q: Is there a guarantee that the Doctor and his friends will escape with their lives? Summary: Missing episode In the year 4000, the Daleks conspire to conquer the Solar System. Their scheme involves treachery at the highest levels and a weapon capable of destroying the very fabric of time. Only the Doctor and his friends can prevent catastrophe - and there is no guarantee they will escape with their lives...
[Miss Gibbon's House] (Anna is going down the stairs) Anna: Hey Beth-Anne Anna: what are you guys watching? You guys have been watching the same thing the whole time? There are over one hundred and fifty channels. It's called a remote control. This button changes the channel. Hold it like this. (Anna is going into the dining room and finds Frederick feeding on Miss Gibbons) Miss gibbons: Did you get enough sweetheart? Frederick: For now Miss Gibbons: Anna, are you hungry? Did you want a little? Anna: No, thank you misses Gibbons. Why don't you lie down for a while and get some rest? Frederick: She's fine. Aren't you Miss Gibbons? (Frederick raises his eyes into Miss Gibbon's eyes) Miss Gibbons: Off course I am. I'm fine. (Miss Gibbons is leaving. Anna and Frederick exchange looks) [Matt's house] Matt: Hey mom! Mom? (Matt is knocking on his mother's room door) Matt: hey mom? (Kelly opens the door) Kelly: what? I'm trying to sleep. Matt: I was just making sure you're alive. Kelly: I'm sorry sweety. It was a late night. My head is throbbing Matt: I would appreciate it if you wouldn't bring the party home. And I'm pretty sure the neighbors would appreciate it too. Kelly: it wasn't a party, it was one guy, don't be so judgy. Matt: well, I talked to Roberta at the grill and there's still a bartending position open if you want to ... get a job. Kelly: I figured she'd still be pissed about the last time I went there. Matt: I think she's desperate. Kelly: I'll check it out. Matt: Yeah? Kelly: Don't look so surprise. Matt: Well, I mean... I didn't know how long you planned on staking around. Kelly: Well, there's background due Matt: he's back everything mom. Kelly: Like I said, I'll check it out. (Someone is knocking on the door) Kelly: who's that? Matt: It's Caroline (Kelly is making a face) Matt: Easy (Kelly raises her eyebrows) Matt: Yeah come in! (Caroline opens the door and enters in the kitchen) Caroline: Hello misses Donovan (Kelly gets up and leaves the room) Matt: Hey, ok. Well we're going to be late. So let's get going. (Matt is going towards Caroline) Caroline: yeah Matt: Hey Caroline: hey Matt: How are you? Caroline: Good [Mystic Falls high school] Stefan: Damon hasn't said a word to me. Every time I try to talk to him he shuts me down Elena: Do you think he's still trying to find Katherine? Stefan: I don't know. He waited a hundred and forty five years only to find out that Katherine could not care less. And he's got hurt right? Elena: And it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Stefan: You have every reason to be upset of him. Have you thought any more about what you're going to do? Elena: About what? Isobel, my vampire birth mother, who's related to my vampire ancestor Katherine, who screwed over your vampire brother? Nah... I haven't thought about it at all Stefan: I'm sorry I brought it up Elena: it'd just be nice if we could get through one day without having to deal with any of it. No vampire mother or brother Stefan: no vampires at all? Elena: no vampire, but you. I just want to get us back to normal stuff like school and homework and here the thought: fun Stefan: ooh, that sounds good to me, when do we start? (They laugh and leave) Matt: We can watch a movie at my place Caroline: With your mom and a six pack? Matt: You know... you don't really help the situation. You could at least try to be nice Caroline: Oh... I'm sorry. It's hard for me to show kindness to people that hate me. I'm not that evolved. (Matt raises his head and look at Elena and Stefan. They kiss each other. Caroline turns her head and look at them too. And turns her head to look at Matt) Caroline: So, a movie tonight? Matt: Wherever you want to do it's good for me but I'm late and I got to go ok? Caroline: ok (She moves in for a kiss but he leaves) [Miss Gibbons house] Pearl: The keypad is for texting which is what to do when you want to avoid talking to someone (Harper pushes a button and we can hear a message from Jeremy. Anna rushes towards the phone) Harper: I didn't break it I swear Pearl: I was just showing harper what you taught me. What a marvelous device! Harper: Who was that? Anna: Jeremy Gilbert Harper: Is that your boyfriend? Pearl: off course not (Pearl gets up and looks at Anna) Pearl: What do you think? Anna: Very respectable Pearl: That's the goal. I can't say that I miss corsets Anna: Susie Sunshine gave me her car keys and her credit card Pearl: what's that? Anna: I'll explain later (Frederick waits outside the room. Anna and Pearl leaves the room) Frederick: Where are you going? Pearl: We have some business in town. We'll be back as soon as we can. I trust that you'll keep an eye on things Frederick: So, I'm the baby sitter now? Pearl: Frederick, if this is going to work we have to cooperate with one another Frederick: So you saying Harper: I'll watch things miss Pearl Pearl: Thank you Harper (Anna and Pearl leaves the room. Harper and Frederick exchange looks) [Mystic Falls high school] Caroline: I'm thinking nothing huge, just a dinner at the grill maybe a late movie Stefan: You mean a double date? Caroline: Two pairs out on a Friday night coupled. Yeah a double date Elena: Do you think that's a good idea? Caroline: Why not? We all haven't gone out together before and I don't want it to be uncomfortable for us. Look the couple dynamics have changed and there's been a little awkwardness between you Matt and me and I just think it's important that we get over it Elena: I don't know Stefan: I think that's sound like a great idea Elena: you do? Stefan: yeah. A nice evening out with friends. Sounds fun, like in "fun" Elena: A double date it is Caroline: ok. So, we will see you tonight Elena: ok [Salvatore's house] (Damon enters in the house. Anna and Pearl are waiting for him) Pearl: Hello Damon Damon: Ever hear of knocking? Pearl: An invitation wasn't necessary. I'm surprised that no living person resides here. Is it just you and your brother? Anna: yeah. How do you keep out unwelcome vampires? Damon: I kill them (Damon runs towards Pearl and tries to strangle her. Pearl twists his wrist and push him on the floor) Pearl: Have a sit Damon. I was hoping we could have a word Damon: Sure [Jeremy's bedroom] (Jeremy is on his computer chatting on a vampire's website) Jeremy: "How do you become a vampire?" Talker: "Brad Pitt changed me" Talker: "Go to Vegas ask for Wayne Newton" Jeremy: "How do you kill a vampire?" Talker: "The blood of Paula Abdul" Jeremy: "Serious answers only please" Talker: "Stake in the heart always works" Jeremy: "You're a believer?" Talker: "Aren't you?" [Salvatore's house] Pearl: we've taken a residence at a farmhouse just outside the town. It'll suffice for now. Damon: All 25 vampires? Pearl: Not all, some. I imagine that a few have already left town. Others are probably still in the woods or like us acclimating. (Damon looks at Pearl and Anna) Damon: How did they get out of the tomb? Anna: I think the witches screwed up that part of the occus pocus Pearl: I understand from Anna that the founding families still have a secret council? Anna: And you're a part of it Damon: That's ridiculous Anna: I've been in Mystic Falls since the comet, Damon. I'm up to speed. Pearl: And so I'm I. And now that you've infiltrated the council, I need to know everything they know. Starting with a listing names of all the council members and their families Anna: And everyone you've supplied with verveine Pearl: That will have to stop immediately Damon: What exactly are you trying to achieve? Pearl: Mystic Falls is our home, Damon. They took that from us. Our land, our home. It's time we rebuild Damon: what, are you crazy? It was 1864. Wake up woman. The world has moved on Pearl: As a reward for your help I'm willing to give you what you want most Damon: I want nothing Pearl: Katherine Damon: You won't even know where she was. You've been on the ground for the last century and a half Pearl: Katherine and I were best friends long before we came to Mystic Falls, Damon. I know how she thinks, I know her patterns, I know where to find her Damon: I no longer had any desire to see Katherine ever again. And there's no way in hell I'm gonna play the role of your little minion (Pearl gets up and pushes Damon on the couch) Pearl: I'm not asking for your help Damon. Finding Katherine was just a mere gesture of kindness. The rest in not negotiable (She puts her fingers in Damon's eyes and pushes him on the floor) Pearl: I have four hundred years on you, little boy. I'll rip you from limb to limb without even blinking and you know it. I'll be in touch. (Pearl and Anna leaves the house) [Elena's house] (Stefan in knocking on the door. Elena opens it) Elena: You got me flowers Stefan: I figured it's a date, I wanted to do things right. I would have driven too but you're the one with the car Elena: You know, you think that for someone who was around when the car was invented you should have one Stefan: oh, I have one. I just never drive it Elena: You know, it's not too late to cancel Stefan: Why we would do that? Elena: I don't know, it just seems surreal. Like we weren't meant to get to the normal part Stefan: That's exactly why we're going to do it. We're going to go out, have some fun and try to remember that we don't have to be so serious. Listen, when I decided to stay here and get to know you, it so that I could do things like this. Bring my girlfriend flowers, to go out on a date, and try to be normal Elena: "Have you ever even been on a double date before?" Stefan: Oh, absolutely. '72, Hef and the twins. Elena: What? Stefan: Yeah... playmates. I got Miss June. Elena: Are you serious? [Somewhere in Mystic Falls] (Jenna is waiting for Anna and Pearl in front of her brother in law's office) Pearl: Miss Sommers? Jenna: Yes. Hi Pearl Pearl: Hi. This is my Daughter Annabelle Jenna: Of course, Jeremy's friend Anna: Nice to see you Miss Sommers Jenna: oh, Jenna, please. This property was in my brother in law's family for generations. It's one of the originals structure in Mystic Falls. It used to be one of those old fashioned drugstore Pearl: An apothecary? Jenna: Yeah Pearl: You don't say (Anna sees Jeremy) Jenna: Sorry if it's a little musty (Anna is watching Jeremy walking) Jenna: No one has been here for months Pearl: I'll use my imagination (Anna is still watching Jeremy) Pearl: Annabelle? Anna: I'm coming mother (They are entering the office. Jenna is holding the door) [Mystic Grill] (Kelly is at the bar. Damon sits down next to her. He wears sunglasses) Kelly: What's with the glasses inside? Damon: My eyes were a little sensible today Kelly: You're new around here Damon: On the contrary, I'm very old (Talking to the bartender) Damon: Bourbon, neat Kelly: I haven't been gone that long. I would remember someone who looks like you Damon: Yeah. Where did you go? Kelly: Around, about Damon: I've been there Kelly: I love to see a man drawn his sorrows. It's so sexy Damon: It's more like nursing my wounds. And you? Kelly: I was supposed interviewing for the bartender job but I think the manager blew me off Damon: Well, that's not very nice Kelly: Yeah. Last time I was in town I slept with her boyfriend Damon: That's not very nice either Kelly: It happens Damon: Yes it does (Jenna arrives) Jenna: Kelly? Kelly Donovan Kelly: Jenna! (They hug each other) Jenna: I heard you were back in town. (To Damon) She used to Babysits me Kelly: And then I used to party with her Jenna: This woman is crazy Kelly: Not as crazy as you Jenna: I'm not anymore Kelly: Well sit, drink! Jenna: I shouldn't. I'm responsible now. Haven't you heard? Kelly: Well, take a night off its good for the soul Damon: Great for the soul (Jenna sits down with Kelly and Jenna) Jenna: This is not going to end well Damon: Can't wait (They raise their glasses and clink their glasses) [Miss Gibbons House] Frederick: I hate this house Beth-Anne: It's better than the tomb Frederick: I didn't stay locked for a hundred and forty five years to end up locked here Harper: Maybe you should quit complaining (Frederick gets up and walks toward Harper) Frederick: You're going to stop me? Beth-Anne: Let it be Frederick. You heard what Pearl said Frederick: I don't care what Pearl said. (To Harper) What you got boy? (Harper gets up and pushes Frederick on the couch. Frederick pushes Harper against the wall) Frederick: Try it again (Pearl arrives and strangles Frederick) Pearl: Back off. We don't fight each other. There are other rules Frederick: And I'm tired of your rules. I want to go out of this house. Why can't we go out on the town? Pearl: Eventually. But for now we have to keep a low profile. Frederick: No one knows who I am Pearl: The Salvatore's brothers do Frederick: And I wish to hell that I can run into them. There are the reason we were caught in the first place [Mystic Grill] Elena: So, Matt, How do you like working here? Matt: It's not that bad. Wait staff is pretty good and they can't keep a bartender to save their lives. I actually put my mom off to a job. Elena: How it has been? Having Kelly back? Matt: You know, same old Kelly. She's trying, sort of. Elena: Kelly and my mom were best friends growing up. That's how Matt and I first met, we shared a crib together Stefan: You're kidding? Matt: No, we have known each other our all lives (Elena and Matt look each other. Caroline sighs. Everyone turn his head and watch Damon, Kelly an Jenna drinking together) Matt: You got to be kidding me [Miss Gibbons house] (Frederick and Beth-Anne are going out the house. Harper caught them) Harper: Where are you going? Frederick: Beth-Anne and I are going out for a bit. Hit the town, kick up our heels Harper: We're not supposed to leave. Miss Pearl made that very clear Frederick: You're going to stop me? I didn't think so (Harper watches them while they leave the house) [Gilbert's house] (Someone is knocking on the door. Jeremy goes down the stairs and opens the door. It's Anna) Jeremy: Anna? Anna: surprised? Jeremy: I thought you and your mom were leaving town Anna: Change of plans. Sorry, I thought you'd be psyched Jeremy: No, no, no. I mean... I am. Of course I am Anna: Alright then, step aside (Anna enters in the house) [Mystic Grill] Jenna: Don't be grumpy. It can't be that bad. Damon: You'd be surprised. My primary reason for existence has abandoned me and after today's events, the remains of the shakey ground that I walk on are about to go kaboom. Let's get hammered. Kelly: Lets (They clink their glasses) (Caroline, Elena, Stefan and Matt are at the pool table. They're watching Damon, Kelly and Jenna) Caroline: At least they're having fun Elena: They're drunk Matt: Remember when Elena's parents busted us here after the homecoming? Caroline (laughing): Oh my god yes! Elena: Well, we were wasted; there was the first time I ever got drunk. I blame Matt Matt: her parents got seats at the next booth Elena: And Matt and I were pretended that I was choking so we can get away Matt: Except that her dad was a doctor so he jumped out to save her Elena: And I ran, slipped on the wet floor and beat it in front of everyone. Do you remember that? 3 stitches, a hangover for days and I was grounded from seeing this one (She looks at matt) for a week (Matt and Elena look at each other and laugh) Caroline: I'm gonna go to the restroom. Elena? (Jenna sees them) Jenna: Hide. We're not here. Kelly: Why? Where'd we go? Jenna: Children under our care. Five o'clock. This is not good (Kelly turns her head and sees them) Kelly: Damn! [SCENE_BREAK] [Gilbert's house] Jeremy: What made you and your mom decide to stay in town? Anna: She got this business opportunity; she's going to open up a little store. It has always been her dream. So yeah we're staying. And I'm thinking to going back to high school, so you'll be seeing a little more of me. Jeremy: Yeah? Anna: Enough of homeschooling. I'd like to be a normal teen for once. But I have to ask my mom first, she'll have an opinion Jeremy: well, I wish you were there now. I actually have to write another paper. I was thinking about squeezing one more add on "the vampire in Mystic Falls". Anna: Really? Haven't you exhausted the subject? Jeremy: No, I want to go deeper you know. I want to understand why people reliable those vampires back in the day. I mean, maybe there's such a thing has vampires, they're just different from the way we always thought they were. Anna: what do you mean? Jeremy: Well, maybe they're normal and good, just outsiders you know? Um, misunderstood. Anna: You're kidding right? Jeremy: Don't you think it could be possible? You did give me all that info Anna: Jeremy, I made it up ok? You were cute and floppy and I wanted to make a good impression [Mystic Grill] Matt: Is there anything you're not good at? Stefan: Double dating. This is all kind of new to me. I usually keep to myself. I don't always fit in. Matt: That's because you're that guy Stefan: What guy? Matt: The guy who seems like he has everything, so the people that don't, kind of run the other way Stefan: Is that what I seem like? Matt: Pretty much Stefan: Hmm... What a dick! [Mystic grill's restroom] (Elena is washing her hands. Caroline is sitting behind her) Caroline: So hum, what are you doing? Elena: What? Caroline: Well the point of this was to show him how much you care about Stefan. You don't have to talk about your past Elena: I was just trying to make conversation Caroline: Try less (Caroline leaves the restroom, Elena run after her) [Mystic Grill] (Elena is walking after Caroline, she passes next to Frederick. He sees her and catches her arm) Frederick: Katherine? Elena: I'm sorry, you have the wrong person (Caroline waitin for Elena) Caroline: Elena, come on! Frederick: My mistake (She's returning at the pool table with Matt and Stefan. Frederick looks at her) Elena: How's everything going? Stefan: Matt's cheating Matt: No need, I'm awesome Frederick (watching them): Stefan Salvatore Stefan (to Elena): Everything's okay? Elena: Everything's great (She writes him a text message and shows it to him) Elena: "That man over there just called me Katherine" (He walks toward them but they're already gone) [Salvatore's house] (Elena parks her car. She discusses with Stefan) Stefan: So, you didn't recognize, you haven't seen him before? Elena: No, there was nothing familiar about him at all Stefan: Right, let's cut off the night. Ok? Sent Matt and Caroline home? Elena: No, the whole point of the night was to not have to deal with this stuff. We need to get through one night. One normal night. Stefan: You're sure? Elena: No I'm not sure, but I don't know what else to do. Look, if there's another vampire in town, he'll still be here tomorrow. We'll deal with it tomorrow Stefan: Ok (Matt and Caroline arrive. Matt parks his car) Stefan: It's them. Come here (They look at each other and then Stefan approaches and kiss Elena) [Salvatore's House] (Caroline, Matt, Stefan and Elena are going into the living room) Caroline: This is much better than watching Damon visit cougar town. (To Matt) No offence Matt: Don't remind me. (To Stefan): Men I've always wanted to see how it looks like in this place Stefan: Yeah, it's uh... a little bit too much Matt: Yeah, my entire house could fit in it like twice Caroline: It's like I've been here before. It's weird (Elena is uncomfortable and changes the subject) Elena: Do you guys want to watch a movie or something? Matt: Whoa; these are great! (He's going towards Stefan's miniature cars collection) Stefan: This is uh... a little hobby of mine Matt: I did the entire Mustang series when I was 9 Stefan: You like cars? Matt: It's an understatement Stefan: Come with me [Mystic Grill] (Damon is playing with a cherry) Damon: So, the thing about cherries, you have to... (Kelly puts her finger on Damon's lips. She puts a cherry on her mouth) Damon: Oh my goodness (He takes the cherry on Kelly's mouth with his mouth) Damon: That's amazing, you were fast Jenna: That would be my queue Kelly (looking at Damon): You're given up already? Jenna: Oh yeah (She leaves the bar) Jenna: See you guys [Salvatore's Garage] (Stefan opens the garage door) Stefan: Prepare yourself my friend (He removes a tarpaulin from a car) Matt: Wait, how do you have this? Stefan: She was passed down through the family (He opens the car's door) Matt: Why don't you... I mean... Why don't you drive it? Stefan: Well, it doesn't run. I mean, it's not that I could figure out Caroline: Why would you keep a car that doesn't run? Matt: Be more of a girl right now (Caroline laugh) Stefan (to Matt): Hey, want to come take a look at this for me? Matt: Elena, remember the old Camaro you're dad used to have? Elena: Of course Matt: I built and rebuilt that engine 20 times Stefan: wow Caroline: I don't like sports cars; they're too hard to make out in Matt (looking at Elena): It wasn't that bad (Elena and Matt look at each other, uncomfortable. Caroline leaves the garage. Elena goes after her) Matt (to Stefan): I'm sorry men Stefan: No, no, no. Don't worry about it. You and Elena, you guys have an history and ignore it doesn't do anybody any good Matt: She's good with you. You know I wasn't sure but she's happy and I'm glad (They look at each other) Matt: Alright, just take a look at this [Mystic Grill] (Jenna is going out. She breaks her heel. Frederick looks at her) Frederick: Need some help? Jenna: Damn it! Stupid shoe Frederick: I'll pick up the other foot (He breaks the other heel and gives it to Jenna) Jenna: Thanks, I think Frederick: Was it Damon Salvatore you were with? Jenna: The one and only. You know him? Frederick: we go way back. He still lives at Miller Lane? Jenna: He lives in the old boarding house by Wickery Bridge. He's still in there if you want to say hi Frederick: I prefer to stay here and talk to you Jenna: Oh, nice. Very smooth with the shoe and the flirt. But, I'm a little drunk and a guy plus drunk me equals very bad things (Frederick touches her face and try to compel her) Frederick: I'm pretty sure you'd like it (She laughs) Jenna: Sorry. This was a seriously lame pick up. Frederick: This is a nice scent you wear. What is it? Jenna: I don't know (she laughs) it was a gift. And that is a cab so... (She leaves. Frederick looks at her. Beth-Anne arrives behind him) Frederick: Vervain... making it hard to find something to eat in this town [Salvatore's house] (Elena arrives to talk to Caroline) Elena: Caroline... Caroline: I don't want to talk about it Elena: You're being ridiculous Caroline: And insecure and stupid. But that doesn't change the fact that Matt's always gonna be in love with you and I'm always gonna be the back up Elena: You're not the back up Caroline: Yes I'm. I'm Matt's Elena back up; I'm your Bonnie back up Elena: Now it's about me and Bonnie? Caroline: You don't get it. Why would you? You're everyone's first choice (They look at each other. Stefan and Matt are going out the garage with the car. They're going out the car) Matt: Piece of cake! (Matt looks at Caroline) Stefan: You know what? Why don't you guys go ahead and take a first spin? Matt: Really? Stefan: Yeah (Matt and Caroline are going into the car. Stefan and Elena look at them. Stefan embraces Elena) Stefan: You're alright? Elena: If it's not vampires its girlfriends (They embrace each other) [Gilbert's house] (Jeremy and Anna are in the kitchen) Jeremy: alright. Rosbief, turkey, what do you want? Anna: Let's do the works. Pile at high Jeremy: Ok, I like your style. Would you get the bread for me? Anna: ok (She turns and goes take the bread. Jeremy looks at her and cut himself) Anna: What are you doing? Jeremy: It's just a cut. Can you bring me that towel? (She looks uncomfortable) Anna: I can't Jeremy: You have a problem with blood Anna? (He shows her his bloody hand and goes toward her) Jeremy: What's the matter? It's just blood Anna (He's still going toward her. She strangles him and push him against the fridge) Anna: What are you doing? (Her face is changing) Jeremy: I knew it. (He shows her his hand) go for it (She takes his hand and begins to drink. Jenna enters in the house. Jeremy rushes towards her) Jeremy: Jenna! Hey, what's up? Jenna: Regrets. Make sure you lock that up (She's going up the stairs. Jeremy returns to the kitchen, Anna is gone. He looks at his hand and smile) [Stefan's car] Matt: Did I pass the driveway? Caroline: Uh... I think it's up there Matt: This is an amazing car. Did I pass? (Caroline doesn't understand) Matt: The whole double date thing was obviously a test to see how I do around Elena Caroline: I don't know. You were reminiscing about the Elena years the whole night so... Matt: Caroline that has come before. That cannot just go away Caroline: I know that okay? Matt: No you don't. Because, Elena turns you in a crazy person. Look it's my fault. I made it pretty clear earlier that Elena still means something to me. But all that talk, that was just two old friends with some memories. Tonight wasn't about me and Elena. I was there because I wanted to be with you. And I don't know what this means or what we are but I do know that you are the only person I want to be in this car with right know. And I don't know if that makes sense because I'm not really that good at expressing myself Caroline: No, no. I think you're doing just fine (They laugh and kiss each other. Caroline hurts herself) Caroline: Sports cars... (They kiss each other again) [Salvatore's house] (Damon drinks and gives his glass at Kelly) Kelly: Know that you've brought me here. (She drinks) What are you gonna do with me? Damon: I'm going to... going to do this (He kisses her. He pushes her against the wall. They kiss each other. Caroline and Matt arrives and interrupt them) Matt: Mom?! Caroline: Damon?! Kelly: Oh my god matt! Oh my god (She takes her things and leaves. Elena and Stefan arrive) Matt: I got to... Caroline: It's fine, just go Elena (to Matt): I'll take her home (Matt gives the key to Stefan and leaves. Caroline, Elena and Stefan look at Damon. He drinks) [Miss Gibbon's house] (Anna is going into the house. She tries to be discreet. Pearl arrives) Pearl: Where have you been? Anna: I needed some air Pear: For Three hours? Tell me, where have you been? Anna: Out, I was out Pearl: Annabelle, don't do this. I can't fight you too. What? Anna: I'm sorry (Pearl embraces her) [Salvatore's house] Elena: Sorry I'm bailing Stefan: Just wish you let me drive you home Elena: Normal people don't have chaperons, bodyguards or baby-sitters. We're normal tonight remember? Stefan: I know, I just get so worry about you Elena: Stefan, I can't live every minute afraid that someone is gonna come after me. I won't, it's not living Stefan: Okay. Call me when you get home safe (He takes her face and kisses her. She's going into the car) Caroline: By Stefan (He closes the car's door. He watches them leave and goes home. Frederick watches him while he closes the door) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is in the living room. Stefan arrives and looks at him) Damon: Don't look at me like that Stefan: Are you crazy? Damon: Save the lecture. Look... (Frederick arrives through the window, jump into Stefan and put a piece of glass in his body. Damon arrives and begins to fight with him. Stefan removes the piece of glass. Beth-Anne arrives and begins to fight with Stefan. She pushes him on the floor, he takes a stake puts hit into her heart. Damon sends Frederick through the living room. Frederick looks at Damon and Stefan and then looks at Beth-Anne. He leaves. Stefan looks at Damon) Stefan: I remember them from 1864. They were in the tomb. Damon: Yeah... About that. (They look at each other) [Matt's house] (Matt is going into the living room. Kelly goes after him) Kelly: Matt... Matt: I don't want to hear it mom Kelly: Matty please... Matt: Do you know what I was doing tonight, Mom? I was having fun, you know, trying to forget about all the crap that I have to deal with every day. Just enjoying a night with my friends. And then, there you are, wasted at the bar, where I work, by the way, to pay the bills that you don't pay. And then you're off acting like a freakin' kid, hooking up with some guy half your age. I'm the kid, Mom. You're supposed to be responsible for me. Kelly: I know Matt (He looks at her and leaves) [Gilbert's house] (Elena is in the bathroom, she brushes her teeth. Jeremy arrives) Elena: How was your night? Jeremy: Ah... Same old. Same old... You? Elena: Yep [Miss Gibbon's house] (Pearl is taking a bottle of blood in the fridge. Frederick arrives) Pearl: So, where is Beth-Anne? Frederick: She won't be coming back Pearl: What happened? Where is she? Frederick: Well, you were right.(He looks at Anna) We shouldn't have left Pearl: No. Hungry? (Frederick is still looking at Anna. Pearl is pouring blood in a glass. She takes the glass and wooden spoon. She holds the glass to Frederick and puts the spoon in his body. She puts down the glass and throws the spoon in the sink. She sits down and pours blood in a glass) Pearl: Next time you'll listen to me. (Anna smiles and looks at Frederick) [Gilbert's house] (Elena is at the phone with Stefan) Elena: I'm home, teeth brushed, and ready for bed. Save and sour Stefan: Good good. I'm glad Elena: Is everything alright? You sound serious Stefan: No, no, no. Not tonight, you still have a few minutes left in normal. I'll tell you tomorrow okay? Elena: I had a really nice time in our date tonight Stefan: Such a liar Elena: No, I'm serious. In a way it was exactly how it was supposed to be Stefan: I had a really nice time too (Elena hangs up) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is putting Beth-Anne on the chimney) Damon (to Stefan): Could you help me out a little bit? [Gilbert's house] (Jeremy enters his bedroom. Anna arrive, Jeremy is scared) Jeremy: What the hell? Anna: I could have killed you! Jeremy: Yeah, but you didn't Anna: I should have Jeremy: But you didn't Anna: How did you know? Jeremy: I knew this girl. Vicki. She was attacked by an animal, a bite to the neck. She started acting crazy, weird, and it seemed like drugs, but then you showed me those articles. And then I saw your face and how it changed the night in the cemetery when I kissed you. Anna: You know you can't tell anyone, right? Jeremy: Who would believe me? Anna: You'd be surprised Jeremy: Why didn't you kill me? Anna: I don't know. Maybe I'm a sucker for guys like you Jeremy: Like what? Anna: Lost. Why would you confront me about it? Why would you risk it? Jeremy: Because if it was true, maybe it's true about Vicki. And also because I want you to turn me.	Plan: A: Anna; Q: Who chastises Jeremy for cutting himself in front of her? A: Damon; Q: Who does Anna visit to try to find Katherine? A: Pearl; Q: Who is Anna's mother? A: the town; Q: What does Pearl want to take control of? A: the tomb; Q: Where were the vampires released from? A: an old farmhouse; Q: Where are the vampires staying? A: the visit; Q: What turns violent when Damon turns Pearl down? A: Jeremy; Q: Who cuts his hand to tempt Anna? A: Jeremy's house; Q: Where does Anna arrive unexpectedly? A: his blood; Q: What does Anna suck from Jeremy's hand? A: Stefan; Q: Who stakes Bethanne? A: Mystic Grill; Q: Where did Elena, Stefan, Caroline, and Matt go on an awkward double date? A: Kelly; Q: Who does Damon start to get into a relationship with? A: the bar; Q: Where do Kelly, Jenna, and Damon have drinks? A: Bethanne; Q: Who is Frederick's girlfriend? A: their entombment; Q: What do Frederick and Bethanne blame the Salvatore brothers for? A: the boarding house; Q: Where do Frederick and Bethanne attack Stefan and Damon? A: her orders; Q: What does Pearl punish Frederick for leaving the farmhouse against? A: the end; Q: When does Anna sneak into Jeremy's room? A: Anna sneaks; Q: How does Anna get into Jeremy's room? A: her secret; Q: What does Anna think Jeremy was trying to reveal to her? Summary: Anna pays a visit to Damon, bringing along her mother Pearl, who wants to take control of the town. All the vampires in the tomb have been released, and most are staying at an old farmhouse on the outskirts of town. Pearl offers to help Damon find Katherine if he helps her out, but the visit turns violent when he turns her down. Meanwhile, Anna arrives unexpectedly at Jeremy's house. Jeremy cuts his hand to tempt Anna, who then sucks his blood, but is interrupted by Jenna. Elena, Stefan, Caroline, and Matt go on an awkward double date to Mystic Grill where Frederick, a now-freed vampire from the tomb, mistakes Elena for Katherine. Kelly, Jenna, and Damon have some drinks at the bar, but Jenna leaves when things start heating up between Damon and Kelly. Frederick and his girlfriend Bethanne, who blame the Salvatore brothers for their entombment, break into the boarding house and attack Stefan and Damon. Stefan stakes Bethanne, but Frederick escapes and returns to the farmhouse, where Pearl punishes him for leaving the house against her orders. At the end, Anna sneaks into Jeremy's room and chastises him for cutting himself in front of her to reveal her secret, but Jeremy insists that he did it because he wants her to turn him.
Une vie meilleure (2x07 : Life Interrupted) Written by CRAIG SWEENEY Directed by NICK GOMEZ Previously on the 4400 Danny: I'm not your little brother anymore. Shawn: Then stop acting like a two year old. You're my brother, she's your girlfriend. It's all good. Danny and Shawn fight. Danny: Goddamn freak! Susan: Danny stop! Shawn: Don't blame me for Nikki! Diana adopts Maia. Judge: Your adoption of Maia Rutledge is hereby complete Maia comes screaming to Diana. Maia: He's gonna die! I saw it. He's gonna die! Diana: Jordan Collier? Maia: Someone's gonna kill him. Collier is shot Shawn: No, nooooo!! His body disappears Lucy: His body, it's not there. Kyle returns home. Kyle: This is your new house? Tom: It's yours too. I've been looking forward to this moment for too long. Kyle: There's only one thing missing. Mom. Tom: I really tried to make it work. Later. Tom: How was your first day at college? Kyle: I didn't have one! Nobody paid my tuition. Tom: I'm sorry Kyle, I must have forgot. Kyle: We've been talking about this for months. How could you forget? Kyle has a blackout. Tom: You spent three years in a coma, you have no business drinking anything! You told me everything that happened that night, right? Kyle: Yeah. Kyle throws a gun into the lake Present time Tom comes down into the kitchen to find Kyle sitting at the table. Kyle's wearing a shirt and tie and his hair is different. Tom: Any coffee left? Kyle: On the shelf. Tom: Couldn't find a clean T-Shirt? Kyle: It's what I'm wearing to school. Tom: I like it. It looks sharp. Kyle seems to be a bit hyperactive. Kyle: So, how you doing, Dad? Tom: Good. Fine. Why? Kyle: No reason, you know, just uh, good luck. I'll be thinking about ya. He throws his arms around him. Kyle: I'll call you. See how it goes. Ok? Tom: Yeah Tom walks into NTAC to a round of applause. Tom: What's all this? Nina: Welcome back. The prodigal son returns. Tom: Returns from where? Agent: Hey, get your gear on, we gotta roll. Diana: I am so glad to see you Tom: Yeah, you and everyone else. Diana: As soon as we take Dorrity down we're gonna pop the champagne. Tom: Dorian? Whose Dorrity. Diana, stop! Fill me in here, who's Doritty? Does he have something to do with Collier's death? Diana: Governor Collier? What are you talking about, he's not dead. Tom: This is Garritty's idea, right? I gotta admit, it's creative. But screw with Tom Baldwin day is over. Diana: Hey listen, Tom, don't do this. The Doctors gave you a clean bill of health. Tom: Doctors? What Doctors? Where's everybody headed? And what the hell's going on around here everyday? Diana: I think you should probably just stay here. We'll talk when I get back. She rushes out. Tom: Diana, just.... Tom follows her outside. Tom: So this guy Doritty, is he a 4400? Diana: What's a 4400? Tom: Please stop this. I don't know, four thousand four hundred people. The future sent them back in a ball of light. Any of this sound familiar? She walks away to another car and he follows her. Tom: Diana, I'm not laughing, so whatever game you're playing, stop it, stop it right now. Diana: Tom, whatever you've been through these past few months, I can't even imagine it and everyone here is pulling for your recovery, but you gotta listen to yourself. You sound delusional. I mean, the future? I never heard of the 4400 and I can promise you that nobody ever came back in a ball of light. They get into the car. Titles Diana and Tom's car is heading along the road in a convoy. Tom: Tell me one thing. According to you, what have we been doing for the last year? Diana: Your serious? Tom: Humour me. Diana: It's your case Tom. Dirty bombs, remember? You went undercover and infiltrated an Aum Shinrikyo terrorist cell. None of this means anything to you, does it? Tom: Of course not, why should it? Diana: Your cover was compromised. They held you for three weeks. Sleep deprivation, torture. They'd have killed you if you didn't escape. Tom: So how does Doritty fit in? Diana: Aum Shinrikyo's been planning an attack in the US. They've been sneaking radioactive material into the country in museum pouches. Doritty's the curator. He's been in bed with them all along. Tom, he sold you out. You spent three weeks in hell because of this guy. You've been on medical leave for two months recovering and obviously it should have been three. The cars pull up outside the Jordan Collier museum of Contemporary Art. Armed NTAC Agents rush in. Tom: Jordan Collier museum of Contemporary Art? Diana: Tell me you recognise this place. Tom: I recognise it alright It's in the same location as the 4400 center. Diana: Well that's a start. They enter the building. Tom: This is the spot. This is where Collier got shot. Diana: Ok, do me a favour. Don't let anyone else hear you say that. She runs up the stairs. Tom stay's where he is and Diana turns and quietly calls to him. Diana: Tom! He follows her and as she goes one way he bursts through a door into another corridor, checking out doors as he moves along. Another Agent appears and a man runs out of one of the doorways. Tom follows him and finds a door with a glass window. Diana appears. Diana: Tom! Is he in there? The door turns into an ordinary wooden one with no window. Tom is confused. Tom: Yeah, I think so Diana: Ok. The door is opened and they head in. Tom pauses for a moment and we see the man from earlier hiding in the room. Diana: You wanna do the honours? Tom heads over to the man who is sitting on the floor. He handcuffs him. Back at NTAC. Tom is working on his laptop. He stands up in frustration. Diana: Did you find anything? Tom: Someone's been messing with my computer. All my case files are gone. I typed 4400 into a search engine and nothing. How could there not be a single mention of them? Diana: Maybe, because none of it ever happened. Tom: Something has obviously changed. This is not the same world it was yesterday. But I'm uh, I'm still Tom Baldwin and you're still Diana Skouris, which means that the people they took, they exist too, right? Gary Navarro, we worked with him last month. He could read thoughts. Diana: Read thoughts? Tom, come on. He finds Gary's profile on the net. It say's that he's a baseball hero of the 1970's. Tom: Played for Cincinnati? Lifetime 317. 1973-1984. Diana: Easy to hit 300 when they know what the pitcher's hitting. Tom: But he was never taken. Richard Tyler. Diana: What did he have? Heat vision? Tom: No, some of them can do things. Some of them can't. Richards profile is found on the net. Tom is beginning to panic. Tom reads the information. Captain Richard Tyler, 334th Fighter Interceptor Squadron. 5th Fighter Interceptor Group was officially credited with destruction of 3 enemy MIG-15 type aircraft in arial combat air patrol near Sinarju Korea at 09412 on 18th October 1951. Captain Tyler led his flight in an attack on tow MIG-15's. Captain Tyler fired strikes into the fuselageg and observed the enemy canopy shatter. An enemy aircraft engaged Captain Tyler firing into his fuselage hitting Captain Tyler. Tyler's plane was observed hitting the ground and exploding. He is presumed dead. December 8th, 1951. Tom: He's dead His plane was shot down over Sinarju, 1951. Diana: So that's two down. We going to go through all 4,398 more? I'll take my boots off if we are. Tom: Diana, your daughter! Your daughter! You're daughter, Maia Rutledge, right? You adopted her. She's one of them. Diana: Who? Tom. don't include me in your fantasy life. You know I don't have a daughter. Tom is in a full panic. Tom: Yes, right here. It's a Seattle address for Maia Rutledge. It's right here. right here. Tom goes to Maia's home. She answers the door and appears as she is in reality and is still a child. Tom: Oh, thank God! Maia, it's me. He's almost crying as he get's to his knee's. Tom: It's me, it's me. Tom Baldwin. Zella: I don't know you. Tom: Don't say that, please. Don't say that. Zella: My name is Zella. Maia's my grandmother. Maia: Zella? Who is it? Zella: Oh, here she is. This is my Grandmother. An elderly woman comes to the door. Tom get's to his feet and has tears in his eyes. Tom: You're Maia Rutledge Maia: Can I help you? He returns home to find Kyle in the kitchen. Kyle's getting some beer from the fridge and Tom throws his arms around him. Kyle: Hey! I didn't expect you home so soon. How did you do out there today? Glad to see you too. Everything ok? Tom: Just tell me one thing. You were in a coma for three years, right? Kyle grabs the beer. Kyle: If I have one more of these, I could wind up in a coma right now. Come on, I wanna show you something. Come on! He pulls him out of the room and pulls back a door to reveal Shawn, Danny and Nikki. Shawn: Hey, Uncle Tommy. We can eat finally! How you doing? Tom: Shawn. What are you doing here? Shawn: Ah, well the band got delayed. We're not going to start recording until Tuesday. Besides, we couldn't miss your big day, or Danny's! Tell him, go on and tell him. Danny grabs Tom by the shoulders. Danny: Believe it or not, she actually said yes! We're getting married. Nikki show's him the ring. Nikki: Look, he bought me this! Oh! I told him I didn't even want one till he's got a boss. Kyle: I like that. Danny: You like that? Tom is upset and walks away Nikki: Are you alright Mr Baldwin? Kyle: Dad, do you need to sit? Tom: It can't be a joke, there's too many people in on it. Kyle: Sit, sit down. Kyle helps Tom to sit. Tom: So either I'm cracking up or the whole world is. Kyle: Dad. Doctor's say you're ok. Tom: I don't wanna scare you, but something's wrong. I don't recognise this place. I mean, I sorta do, but everything's been tweaked. Tom is losing it. Kyle: Dad, Dad, look at me. He takes his face in his hands and tries to get Tom to focus on him. Kyle: You're not making any sense. You know that, right? Susan returns home. Susan: You guys started without us? That's just as well. The airport traffic was insane. Hi Kyle. Hi Nikki. Can you believe my kid, my youngest kid, is getting married? How did we get so old? So, you're back in the saddle. How did it go? Kyle: I don't think it went too good. Susan: Really? I was just telling your wife that you were gonna be fine. Tom: My wife? I'm still married to Linda? Susan: I said wife, not ex-wife. A woman with long dark hair walks into the room. Susan: Alana, you're here. Tom: I've never seen this woman before. Alana: I think we need to be alone. Go upstairs? Talk? Tom: No, I don't know who you are! Kyle: Dad! Alana's your wife. You've been married to her for two years. She lives here, Dad. Tom: I don't know what you're talking about, but it's over. It's over ok? It's over. Over. He leaves and makes his way to NTAC. Entering an unused room, he lay's down to go to sleep. Diana arrives. Tom: How'd you find me? Diana: The guy's downstairs called. They said you've been here four hours. Tom: Yeah, sad, isn't it? The only place I feel normal, is hiding in a storage closet. Guess this is what it must feel like to be insane. Diana: You're not insane, Tom. You just need a rest. Tom: Maybe when Keith was telling me I was tortured, maybe they, maybe they broke my mind. Diana: You're gonna come back from this Tom. It's just gonna take some time. And I'm gonna help you. I promise. She injects him with something, in the neck and he collapses. Later, Tom is strapped down in a bed with a therapist sitting on a chair. Therapist: So tell me again about this ball of light. When did you first come to believe it happened? Tom: August 14th 2004. That's when they came back. Maybe not in the world you know, but it happened in mine. Diana enters the room. Tom: Get her outta here! Diana: No-one's plotting against you Tom. I did what I had to do, to get you better. His wife's here. She's asking to see him. Tom: I am not married. I am not married. Tom is taken to a small room to talk with Alana. Tom: Look lady, I don't know who you are and I don't care what you have to say. Alana: You have to play along. I need you to get out of here, so we can figure out what's going on. Tom: What are you talking about? Alana: None of this is real to me either. Look, I know we're not married. I've never seen you before yesterday. The things you talk about. The ball of light? The 4400? Tom: You know about the 4400? Alana: Know of them? I am a 4400. Seventy-two hours later Tom has obviously decided to play along and is back in his room, sitting on the bed. Diana, the therapist and Nina Jarvis are also in the room. Tom: I know my behaviour is totally out of line and I wanna apologise. I got fixated on getting back to work, and obviously the strain, the excitement, it was just too much. Nina: We're gonna extend your medical leave by another six weeks and then we will see about getting you back out into the field. Tom: I'll circle a date. Nina: Ok. Tom: So I can go now? Therapist: Your psych hold is over. Nina and the therapist leave as Tom begins to put on his shoes. Diana pauses by the door. Diana: I'm sorry for the ambush. Tom: Desperate times. Desperate measures. See you in six weeks. He leaves the building and finds Alana waiting for him outside in the rain. He walks over and shakes her hand. Tom: Tom Baldwin. Alana: Alana Mareva. So I guess we're married? Tom: So I'm told. Alana: Let's go home. She gives him the car keys. Alana: See if we can figure out what the hell is going on. Where do you think we are? They arrive home. Tom: I don't know. Maybe we crossed into some kind of alternate reality. A different dimension. I know, it sounds insane. Alana: It sounds impossible. Tom: Impossible isn't what it used to be and..... you're a 4400. Alana: You think I'm doing this? Tom: It's an explanation. A pretty simple one, actually. Alana: Simple, but wrong! If I were making this up, how would I put myself in the middle of YOUR life. Tom: I'm sorry. This can't be easy for you, either. Alana: Yeah, easy. My friends, my family. Everything I know is gone. Erased. I'm trapped in the middle of your life. How do I know it's not you making this up? Tom: Erased? What do you mean, your life has been erased? Tom and Alana arrive at the Aion Art Gallery. Alana: I used to own this place. I bought it four years ago, a few months before I was abducted. Tom: And none of this looks familiar now? Alana: I was my own buyer. I flew all over the world and bought mostly sculptures, primitive art. Tom see's a woman on a ladder. Tom: Excuse me! Can I talk to the owner? Female: He's not here today. Tom: Any idea when he opened this place? Female: A long time ago. 15, maybe 20, years? Alana: It only get's worse. They arrive in a park. Alana stands in front of a bench that has a plaque saying 'For Angus. 1996 - 2005. A good walking companion and a better dog'. Tom: You sure that's the right bench? Alana: I used to come here every week. Believe me, I know which bench I dedicated to my husband and son. Tom: So back in the world we came from.... Alana: They died. In a car accident. She sit's on the bench. Alana: Shortly before I was abducted. Tom: There's a way back home and we're gonna find it. He holds his hand out to her and she takes it. They arrive back home that night. Tom and Alana are in the bedroom. He takes some bedding. Tom: If you need anything, I'll be right down the hall. Alana: What, you're sleeping in the guestroom? Tom: Under the circumstances? Yeah. Alana: I don't think that's a good idea. We have to play along. We're supposed to be happily married. You don't want your son asking questions. Tom hesitates for a moment in the doorway and re-enters the room. Tom: Um, I'll uh, find a spot on the floor. Alana: Are you sure you won't be more comfortable in the bath tub? He looks into the bathroom. Alana: I'm kidding Thomas. It's a big bed. I'm sure we can keep in our own sectors. Later, they lie in bed. Both are as close to the edge as they can get. Alana: Do you think we're the only ones? Are there other people out there like us? Wondering how they got here? Tom: If there are, well find them. We'll take out classified ads in every single major paper. Alana: Remember the 4400? Drop us a line. Tom: Well, we'll check out every returnee we can find. Tell me something about yourself. Alana: What do you want to know? Favourite records? Where I went to school? Tom: About your husband and son. What were they like? Alana: Paul was a radiologist. We met while he was on vacation in Tahiti. That's where I'm from. Tom: Linda and I thought about going there for a honeymoon. We uh, we picked Haiti instead. Alana: Two years later, after we were married, we had Billy. He was so quiet, sweet. Two weeks later. Kyle and Alana chat in the kitchen. Kyle: This is unbelievable. I think this was the interview where I said I wanted to go into medicine because nurses are sexy. Alana: You did not say that! Tom arrives home. Kyle: I got into medical school! Stanford, baby! Tom: Congratulations. Kyle leaves and goes to his room. Tom: The real Kyle used to talk about being a Doctor all the time. Right up until he went into a coma. Alana: The real Kyle? I know that's not exactly your son, but he seems pretty real to me. He get's happy when he hears good news, cranky when he get's tired and he forgets to put the toilet seat down. Tom: He's a good kid. Alana: He was raised well. Tom: I got a response from our ad in the post. Alana: Phillip Kendrick. He wants to meet us. The Collier Museum Of Contemporary Art. Kendrick: Phillip Kendrick. Tom Baldwin. Tom: What do you remember about the 4400? Kendrick: It was the best Sedan Citroen ever put out. Hydraulic's came standard on every model. Tom: You're talking about a car? Kendrick: Yeah! Mine's parked outside. Where's yours? Tom: It's in the shop. I'll send you a picture. Tom leaves. Kendrick: Tom! I don't have your address. Alana: Well that was productive. Tom: Yeah. Alana: Shall we check out the Blake exhibit while we're here? Tom: Uh, why don't you uh, why don't you go ahead. I'll catch up with you in a minute. Alana heads off to look at the painting's while Tom heads to another room. Walking in he looks around and the door slams behind him. Something is in the center of the room and he walks towards it. He reaches the object and pulls back the cover. As he does so the glass roof explodes and shards of glass fall down. Alana's voice can be heard. Alana: Thomas. Thomas. Thomas? Thomas! Alana shakes Tom by the shoulders and he snaps out of what seems to have been a vision. Tom: It's gone. Alana: What's gone? Tom: A door. It was back and I opened it this time. It was some kind of operating room, I think. Alana: I didn't see anything like that. You were just standing there like a statue. He grabs her head. Tom: That rooms the answer. It has to be. It's the only thing that doesn't fit! It's not part of this reality. Alana: If it even exists. You're the only one who can see it. Tom: I have to get back there. I have to get back there. One month later Diana: Hey partner. Black, two sugars. Tom is sitting on the floor at Museum, staring at the door.. Diana tries to hand him the coffee, but he doesn't take it. She places it on the floor. Diana: So the guards tell me that you spent five hours here yesterday. Three, the day before that and one Saturday. You logged up 12. Tom: Yeah, so I like art. Diana: It's a nice functional door Tom, but I wouldn't call it a work of art. Now maybe if it were made of black obsidian. I read your psych file. Diana: You planning on having me locked up again, Diana? Tom has tears in his eyes. Diana: You know, this other reality that you're anxious to get back to. I mean, even if you could get back to it. It doesn't sound that great, Tom. Back there, you're divorced, here you have a beautiful wife. Back there, your son, Kyle, spent four years in a coma. Here, he's about to spend four in medical school. Back there, your sister's family is completely dysfunctional. Your nephew is in a cult and the future of the world is in jeopardy. Tom: You make it sound so.....bleak. It's just uh, just life. He's crying. Diana: This is life and it's a better life for you and everyone you care about. Just accept what you have. Cos if you don't, well, you're gonna spend the rest of your life just sitting in this hallway. Tom returns home to find Alana sitting on the sofa looking at photographs. Tom: Alana? What's the matter? Alana: Have you seen these pictures? Look at all the things we've done together. You know, you would think if we're trapped here, they would give us these memories. Tom looks at photo's of their time together, which include visits to various countries. Alana: No? Look, we've been to China. I've wanted to go my entire life to China. She's crying. Tom: Look, look, Alana. I don't know how long it's gonna take for us to get outta here. I don't know. Alana: Who say's we will? You keep talking about that door. It's been a month already. What if it never comes back? Tom: Then we're trapped, ok? Then we're trapped. But if we are Alana, I promise you we will make new memories just as good as these. Better than those. She takes his hand and they hug. Alana: I believe we could, Thomas. Tom: I like it when you call me that. Thomas. [SCENE_BREAK] They kiss. Later that night, we see them naked in bed. Eight years later. Tom is standing in front of a mirror wearing a tuxedo. He's having difficulty with the tie. Tom: And this goes up and then...uh, I can never get these things right. Kyle: Let me take a shot. Come here. Hold still. Gotta remember to make big loops. Leave yourself a little something to work with. Kyle helps him with the tie. Tom: Hands of a surgeon. Kyle: Hands of a resident more like. Tom: Nah, you'll get there. So how do you like it over at St Pete's. Kyle: The hours are a killer. Doctors treat me like a glorified candy striper, a good nights sleep is a distant memory, I love it! Tom: Well, I look like I belong on the top of a wedding cake. Kyle: Well you brought this on yourself. Some people go to Fiji for their tenth anniversary. You two wanted to renew your vows. Tom: Yeah well, the first time just felt like pictures in a book. This one, this one is for me and Alana. Kyle: Ready to go, champ? The ceremony takes place. All their friends and family attend. Priest: And do you, Alana Baldwin, also renew your commitments to honour, obey and love your husband, Thomas. until death do you part? Alana: I do. I do. Priest: Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you STILL man and wife. Go ahead. You may kiss your beautiful bride! They kiss and everyone claps. Kyle and Shawn hug Tom. Shawn: Ah, I love you guys! Later, Tom and Alana dance. Tom: So how do you feel, Mrs Baldwin? Alana: Married finally. Tom: It feels real now, huh? Alana: Well it felt real for a long time. It's hard to believe we resisted it. Tom: Yeah. Alana: Do you miss it? Your old life? Tom: Ah, I still think about it. After all these years, that life, that world, that feels like the de;usion. Alana: I now have to concentrate to even remember a life without you. Tom: See, I'm good now. A self owner tivo? Once you've got me, you can't imagine not having me? Alana: I love you Thomas Tom: It still kills me when you call me that. Come here. Hold me. Back at NTAC. Tom: You're resigning. Nina: I'm moving on, Tom. I've been here for eleven years. The private sector beckons. Dennis Ryland offered me a partnership in his consulting firm. Tom: Nice gig. So you're moving to Virginia? Nina: Three weeks. Look, DC has asked me to submit a list of names as potential replacements. I'm giving them one. Yours. Tom is surprised and Nina laughs. Tom: Um, I'm flattered, but you might need a backup or two. I mean, somewhere in my personnel file are measurements for my straitjacket. Nina: Nah! You were convalescing from injuries received in the line of duty. Your service in that case was heroic. I think you can talk your way around the fallout. That is if you want the job. Tom: Oh, chance to sit in the big chair? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want it alright. Nina: Good. Then practise saying 'nice to meet you too, Senator' Best way to prep for your confirmation hearing. Tom: I'll spring for a new suit. Nina: Mmmm hmmm. My last act as head of this division will be to make sure that this happens. Congratulations Tom. You've earned this. Tom: Thankyou. He returns to his office. Tom: Guess what? Diana: Don't tell me. You just spoke to Jarvis. Tom: You knew! Diana: She might have mentioned something. Tom: And you didn't tell me? I'm transferring you to Greenland. Diana: Ah, look. He's not even confirmed yet and he's mad with power. The phone rings and Tom picks it up. Tom: Baldwin! Alana: You are not going to believe this. They've just asked me to join the board of directors at the Collier Museum. Tom: Wow! That's quite an honour. Alana: You think I should take it? Tom: Best museum on the West Coast. You gotta take it. Alana: There's a benefit at the Seattle intercity art's council on Friday night. They wanna introduce me around. Tom: I'm glad I didn't put my tux back into storage. So it looks like we both got a little surprise at the office today. Alana: What do you mean? Tom: Are you sitting down? Alana: Just tell me Thomas. Tom: Not here. I'll see you at home tonight. The night of the benefit and Tom and Alana stand watching the crowd of guests. Alana: London Ritter. CEO of Stradovik pharmaceuticals Tom: Isn't he President of the Art's Council? Why don't you go say hello. Alana: Come with. Tom: No, no, no. You go. I'm all out of small talk. Go ahead. Alana walks to Ritter and shakes his hand. Alana: Mr Ritter. I'm so happy you could make it. Tom walks out to the room he has been watching over the years. The door is once again black and as he looks through the glass he see's men inside. He touches the glass. Alana: Thomas? Tom: Do you see it? The door has changed back again. Alana: No. Why, you do? Tom: It's been gone for eight years. Why now? Alana: Come back downstairs with me. Tom: It's the way out. It has to be. Alana: And if it is and you walk through it, what happens to all this? To us? Tom: I don't know. Alana: Then I don't wanna find out. I want to go to Washington next month and I wanna watch you get promoted. I wanna see who Kyle marries. Tom: So do I. But this door is back for a reason. It's like it wants me to walk through it. Alana: But do you want to walk through it? He shakes his head. Alana: I don't want you to, either. Come on Thomas. Let's go home. They walk away from the door, with Alana leading Tom by the arm. It's night and Tom is walking towards his home. Police cars race by with flashing lights. He runs towards the house and finds Kyle being pushed up against a police car. His face is covered in blood. Tom: Kyle! That's Kyle, he's my son! The officers hold him back. Tom: Leave me alone! He's my son! Kyle is in the back of the car, looking out at Tom. Tom: Kyle! Let go of me! Tom suddenly wakes up in bed. He returns to the door in the museum and looks inside. He see's the table in the middle of the room which is covered. Opening the door, he walks towards the middle of the room and removes the sheet. It's Alana. Her eyes are open. Alana: Congratulations. You made it. Alana sit's up. Tom: Where are we? Alana: I think you know. Tom: This is where they brought you and the rest of the 4400. Alana: Yes this is where they altered us. Gave me the ability to create the world we've been living in for the last eight years. Tom: So it is you. You've been doing this the whole time. Alana: We've been living in my mind. But the instructions for your reality, came from them. They created a sanctuary for you. An easier, less complicated world. Tom: But none of it's real. Alana: You are. I am. The feeling's we have for each other are as real as anything we have experienced. Tom: Is that why they did this? Kept us here for eight years because they wanted us to fall in love? Alana: Moments. That's all that's passed. But in those few seconds, we've accumulated years of memories that will bond us in the real world. Tom: Thought they were worried about saving the world, not playing matchmaker. Alana: They're worried about you. Your life is about to plunge into crisis. Your mission will be threatened. They can't allow this to happen. They gave you this relationship as a source of strength. To sustain you in the trials that lay ahead. Tom: What crisis? What? What is it? Why can't they just tell me what it is? I could stop it from happening. Alana: It's already begun. But now you won't have to face it alone. Tom: No, if it's started, I have to get back there. Alana: Only your wife can get you home. Tom: You are my wife. Alana: No. I'm part of the program they placed in her mind. She has no idea she's creating this. If she did, it would interfere with the bonding. Tom: So what, I'm supposed to just fill her in and tell her what? Alana: Whether she knows or not, she's willing this world into existence. She can will it out of existence. Tom: And what if she doesn't want to? Alana: You'll have to convince her. That will be the first test of your relationship. Tom: They've created a damn near perfect world for me. What if I don't want it to end. Huh? Alana: Then the future picked the wrong man. Tom: No, no. The real Alana and Tom talk at home. Alana: What about Kyle? He spent nine years becoming a Doctor. What, I'm supposed to get rid of him? Wish him away? Tom: It's not really Kyle. Alana: Ah! I don't see that! If it's not Kyle, who's moving downstairs in the kitchen? Tom: Kyle, Shawn, Danny, none of them are real. They're just projections. Alana: You've spent eight years with these people. They're as real to you as they are to me. Tom: I love my family. I really do love them. It's not that I wanna do this, it's that we HAVE to do it. Alana: But they're my family, too. Back there, I'm just a stranger to them. Tom sits on the bed with her. Alana: What about you and me? Our life? Is that a projection, too? Tom: No! What we have, our memories, they'll carry over into the real world. Alana: It won't be the same. It can't be. Tom: Maybe not! But whatever we have, it'll be real. Tom stands up and places a chair in the middle of the room. Alana: What are you doing? Tom: Make it go away. Alana: And what do I do? Stare at it until it disappears? Tom: No. Just believe it's not there. Alana stares at the chair and it disappears. Tom hugs her. Later, Tom and Alana invite the family and Diana over. They stand in the living room. Tom and Alana leave the house. Tom: No, don't look back. The house disappears. Tom is back in his office Diana: Tom. Tom! Are you with me Tom? Diana throws a pen in his face Diana: Can you e-mail me the Mareva file? Tom: Alana Mareva? Diana: AKA returnee 2155? She was just here doing her med eval. It's my week to do reports, remember? Tom rushes out of the room and rushes back in. Tom: Diana. The 4400 ball of light. It happened, right? Diana: Should I be worried about you? Tom: Just tell me it happened! Diana: Yes, yes! Of course it happened! What else have we been doing here the last year? He leaves the room and comes back in. Tom: That's right! He kisses her on the head. Tom: Thankyou. Thankyou. Tom searches the building for Alana and see's her get into an elevator. He chases her outside. Tom: Alana, wait! She turns. Alana: Thomas. He takes her face in his hands and hugs her. Placing his arms around her shoulder, he gently leads her away.	Plan: A: Tom; Q: Who is startled when he awakens in an alternate world? A: a new wife; Q: What is Tom married to in the alternate world? A: a well-adjusted medical student; Q: What is Kyle doing in the alternate world? Summary: Tom is startled when he awakens in an alternate world in which he's married to a new wife and Kyle is a well-adjusted medical student. Most jolting of all is his discovery that the 4400 don't exist there.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] "You know Lilah Morgan in Special Projects." Park: "I'm Gavin Park." Angel: "Already bored." Fred: "They use you as a slave and then your body gives." Constable: "Fugitive!" Fred: "Oh, no!" Fred: "Handsome man - saved me from the monsters." Cordy gets hit with a vision. Angel: "Are you gonna be alright?" Cordy: "Yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine. Go. Go!" Cordy: "These visions are killing me." Angel and Darla making out. Angel: "Get dressed and get out. Because the next time I see you, I will have to kill you." Pregnant Darla gets up from the bar. Man: "He's a very difficult Shaman to find." Darla: "You know what they say: life's full of surprises." Wes and Gunn are standing at the counter of the Hyperion, eating Chinese take-out right out of the boxes with chopsticks. Wes: "No, Gunn, you misunderstand. - I mean - I'm not saying that we act differently. I just think we should be gentle in our inter... (sees Cordy coming in) Evening, Cordy." Gunn waves at her with his chopsticks and gives her a big smile: "Hey, Cordelia." Cordy looks at them as she walks by. Gunn to Wes: "How was that?" Wesley: "I felt quite genuine." Fred: "B plus. C minus." Gunn and Wes turn to look at Fred, who is sitting cross-legged under the folding table the gang put up for Angel as a desk last season with her own box of Chinese takeout. Fred: "A girl can tell." Wesley: "Fred - if you feel comfortable enough grading our sincerity (crouches down in front of the table) how about joining us for the rest of the meal? - Isn't that the point of coming downstairs?" Fred swallows hard: "I guess that'd be okay." Fred crawls out from under the table and joins them at the counter, picking at the food in her box with her fingers. Gunn: "Ah, I-I don't mean to rush you back into the twenty first century, but how about using some chopsticks. Or a fork, maybe. (Picks up a fork and offers it to her) You remember forks, don't you?" Fred takes it: "Sure. Who could forget? Fork, pitch fork, fork it over, fork in the road - one I'm not ready to take yet." Cordy walks back through the lobby. Wesley: "Hello again." Gunn: "Nice day." Cordy: "I know what you're doing." Gunn: "You do?" Fred: "Told you." Cordy: "You're being all fake nice and super-sensitive like 'poor Cordelia, she's on edge, because she hasn't had a vision in while.' Well, I have information for you. I look forward to my next vision." Wesley: "You do?" Cordy: "Well, why shouldn't I? I mean, the Powers That Be have seen fit to choose me - who am I to refuse?" Fred: "Great. How about if you use that vision thing to find out where Angel's at right now." Cordy: "Cause I don't care?" Gunn: "Ah, what Cordelia means is that she doesn't choose to have a vision. The Powers send them to her when they got info to share." Wesley: "Think of them as gifts." Cordy: "Yes, having-my-head torn-open-and-hot-lava-poured-into-my-skull gifts." Fred looks from Cordy to Wes and Gunn. Park: "Excuse me." They all turn as Gavin Park walks into the lobby carrying his briefcase. Cordy: "Oh. Hi. I'm sorry I didn't hear you sneak up on us. (Looks down at his shoes) Must be those tastefully expensive Gucci Loafers. Totally our fault." Wesley: "He's not a client. He's Gavin Park, attorney with Wolfram and Hart." Park: "Pleased to meet you. (Sees Fred) New player?" Wes walks over to stand in front of Gavin, blocking his view of Fred. Wesley: "Well, now that we've had this lovely reintroduction - I suggest you piss off." Angel walking in: "Is there a problem?" Wesley: "No, no problem. Mr. Park was just leaving." Park: "No. Actually, I just arrived. (Pulls out some papers) This is a list of fifty-seven city code violations for your hotel, including earthquake proofing, asbestos and termites. (Tosses the papers on a chair) Be advised I filed a copy of this with the city planning office." Angel: "Gee, fifty-seven - is that a lot?" Park after a moment: "I'll be in touch." Park walks up the stairs to leave. Cordy: "Yeah, okay - minion of darkness - Satan's toady - but that is a nice suit. Did you see that suit?" Angel: "Fred! Good to see you out and about." Fred: "It is, isn't it? Out and about. (Leans towards Angel) I've been forking with Gunn." Angel and looks at Gunn, eyebrows slightly raised. Cordy starts screaming as she gets hit with a vision of some clawed demon thing. Angel and Wesley manage to catch her before she falls to the floor. Angel: "Are you alright. -Talk to me." Cordy, gasping: "There is a coin and, uhm, two clawed things, it's in China town I think. An herbalist's shop." Wes and Gunn head for the books. Angel: "Come on." Angel helps Cordy up, but when he puts a hand on her left shoulder, Cordy jerks away with a gasp. Cordy: "I'm okay. I'm fine. It just caught me off guard a little. (Angel just looks at her) Ah, go find the coin. (Starts to walk away) It has a hole in it." Angel just stands there, looking after her. Cordy enters the bathroom at the Hyperion and closes the door behind her. Goes to lean on the sink. There is a knock on the door. Cordy: "Yes?" Wes is standing outside the closed door, holding an open book. Wesley: "Cordelia, that beast you saw - did it have four or five claws?" Cordy: "Five." Wesley: "You're certain?" Cordy pulls up her shirt and counts the claw marks decorating her belly. Cordy: "Pretty certain." Intro Wes is standing in front of a table loaded down with books. Fred is pacing behind him reading a thick phone book. Wesley: "Anything of interest yet, Fred?" Fred: "Oh, sure. Lots. 'H' is a fascinating letter. Helicopters, helium, helmets, hernias...' Wesley: "Did you happen to notice 'herbs' in your wanderings?" Fred with a big grin: "I did. (Wes just looks at her) Oh, right. There are, ah, lets see... five herbalist shops in Chinatown." Angel comes walking in. Angel: "We got a name or face for these things yet?" Wesley: "Circling. I think we might be looking either at a Wan Shan Dhole or a Cantonese Fook-beast." Gunn walks in carrying a baseball bat and with a backpack slung over one shoulder. Gunn: "I say we figure out what these things are after we find that coin. We're burning moonlight." Wesley: "Sounds like a plan." Angel: "Hey, Fred? I need you to do something for me." Fred gives him a huge smile. Cordy is in the bathroom taking a couple of aspirins. She's taken her shirt off and turns to look at her left shoulder blade in the mirror. There are three more claw marks there. Angel knocks on the closed door of the bathroom. Cordy: "I told you, it's about finding the coin." Angel: "It's me." Cordy: "I'm fine!" Angel: "I'm not leaving until you open the door. I mean it, Cordelia, open up." Cordy opens the door, shirt back on, hiding the scratches, and gives him a bright smile. Cordy: "See? Fine!" Angel stops her from closing the door again. Angel: "They're getting worse, aren't they?" Cordy: "I'm feeling better. Once I get a little protein in me, I'll be good as new. Honest. Now, go declaw those things!" Angel: "I've asked Fred to take you home." Cordy: "I don't need to go home." Angel: "There is nothing else you can do here. Just - get some rest, okay?" Cordy: "No..." Angel: "O-kay?" Cordy sighs: "Okay." Closes the door. Angel is sitting in the back of the convertible, with Gunn driving and Wes in the passenger seat as they're driving down the dark streets of LA Gunn: "Five herb shops in Chinatown and we've been to four. How come whatever we're searching for is always in the last place we look?" Wesley: "I supposed it is one of the unwritten laws of being a 'dick.' (Gunn give Wes a look) Ah, a sleuth, a gumshoe, Sherlock." Gunn: "All I know is you use the word 'dick' again and we're gonna have a problem. - So what is the name of this place anyway?" Wesley: "Van Hoa Dong. - It should be up there on the left. (Turns around to face Angel) How was Cordelia when you spoke to her." Angel: "She said she was fine." Wesley: "You don't believe her?" Gunn: "Alright, here we go. Next time we're hitting the last place first." Gunn stops the car just down the street from the herb shop. In the shop a white-haired older gentleman is measuring out some powder. A woman brings him another jar as Angel, Gunn and Wes walk into the store. Woman: "Your kind not welcome here!" Gunn: "Since when can't a brother buy some ginseng tea?" Man: "Not you. (Points at Angel) Him! Vampire not welcome!" Wesley: "This is a public facility and any being may enter. We're looking for an ancient coin." The Chinese couple exchanges a look - then both let out a scream and flip over the counter, landing in a martial arts stance. Gunn: "Ah, so you think some fancy flipping and a little hollering can intimidate guys like us? (Suddenly their hands turn into long, gray claws) Okay, that creeps me out." Angel: "You two take grandma. I'll take the old man." A big fight ensues during which (miraculously) all three of our heroes manage to avoid getting more than superficially cut by the couple razor-sharp metal claws. In the end, Wesley manages to knock grandma over the head while Gunn keeps her distracted with his wooden baseball bat (sharpened to a point for easier stake action). Angel takes a hold of the scarf the old man wears wrapped around his waist and with a sudden hard pull sends the man spinning through the air. The old man crashes into the shelves covering the wall and drops to land in a heap on the floor. Gunn, panting: "Damn. Grandma and grandpa got game." Wesley: "Yeah, I know. Now if we could just find that coin before they come to." Angel: "Guys. Over here." Angel reaches down and snaps the leather necklace holding the coin from around the old man's neck. At Wolfram and Hart Lilah picks up the page a printer has just finished printing out and looks at it. Lilah: "Asbestos disposal? What?" Gavin Park comes up and takes the page from her. Park: "I think that's mine. Yeah, my printer is down so I had the I.T. guy network me into yours." Lilah: "Thanks for asking." Park: "This hasn't been announced yet - but I've been moved into Special Projects." Lilah: "From Real Estate?" Park: "With so much karmicly damaged property in LA, not to mention the demon infestation, the Partners felt that I would be more useful here." Lilah: "Hmm..." Park: "I'm working on a little something aimed at Angel Investigations. If you're interested, I'd love to have you on my team." Lilah: "Your team?" The door of her office pops open and a guy wearing a fez sticks his head out. Lilah: "I'll be right in." The guy withdraws and closes the door just as quickly. Lilah: "Let me tell you a little something about your team. - You don't have one." Park: "Look, just because they gave you Lindsey's old office doesn't mean..." Lilah: "I have this office because I earned it. As did Lindsey. He sacrificed his flesh and blood for this company, literally had his hand cut off - fighting against Angel. (Holds up the printout) What are you doing? Building code violations." Park: "I'm fighting Angel in my own way." Lilah, entering her office: "Yeah. I bet he's really terrified." Cordy walks out of her bedroom stretching. Cordy: "Okay! All ready for bed. Face washed, teeth brushed, tired, tired! (Fake yawns) You can go now!" Looks around the living room and notices the lack of an audience for her performance. Cordy: "Fred? - Okay, you can go now Fred." Walks over to the kitchen and sees Fred sitting on the floor eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. Fred: "Sorry. It's been so long." Cordy helps her up and puts the lid back on the jar. Cordy: "Not a problem. Here. Take it with you. Enjoy that peanutty goodness in the comfort of your own home." Fred: "Hey. Wait. Angel said..." Cordy: "I know. He said that you should wait until he calls (Fred nods) but as you can see, I'm fine. In fact I'm better than fine. I'm - right as rain." Fred: "I-I never understood that saying 'right as rain.' How is rain right? Or wrong, for that matter. Okay, I suppose if there's a flood it's wrong. And speaking of floods, or maybe just being overwhelmed - what's it like to have a vision?" Cordy: "Wow. You know, next to you, I am downright linear." Fred: "Do you see things or smell them or just know - 'in your stomach' know. Like in fifth grade when I saw Grayson Wells and I just knew we'd go steady and even though we never did, looking back on it, it feels like we did. Is it like that?" Cordy after a beat: "Okay. Time to go." Starts ushering Fed towards the door. Fred: "Has - has anyone ever told you you're exactly like Lassie? Yeah. You're like Angel's Lassie. Sure, he does most of the saving but it's your visions that tell him that Timmy is trapped in the well, or the robbers are hiding in the barn. He really needs and depends on you." Cordy: "Well, thanks. I'd be flattered except for the Lassie being a dog part. Dennis, a little help here?" The door of Cordy's apartment swings open. Cordy: "See? I'm not alone, I have a ghost. (Pushes Fred out the door) Bye. We'll have to - to..." Cordy gets hit by another visions and drops to the floor. Fred crouches down beside her. Fred: "Are you alright?" Fred gently turns an unconscious Cordy over onto her back. Suddenly boils appear all along the side of Cordy's face. Break Cordy: "A demon. An icky, boil-covered demon." Cordy is sitting next to Angel on the edge of her bed with Gunn, Fred and Wes standing by the door, looking at her. Cordy: "A storefront downtown on the corner of fifth and something. And there was a key. I should probably draw you a picture of the key." Angel: "Cordy." Cordy starts to get up, but Angel pulls her back down and gently pushes the hair back from her face to reveal the boils she'd been trying to hide. Wesley: "Oh, god." Angel: "Cordy, we should talk about this. You can't ignore what's happening." Cordy sounding slightly hoarse: "I don't wanna talk. What's there to say? Except 'gross' 'yuck' and 'unclean.' (Cordy looks at the others, who avoid meeting her eye) Like you're not thinking it." Angel: "Has this ever happened before?" After a beat Cordy pulls the sleeve of her sweater up to reveal one set of claw marks. Cordy: "Earlier tonight." Wes crouches down for a closer look: "Oh, whoah! Are you saying your vision had a physical manifestation?" Cordy: "Yeah." Wesley: "And did this new one have anything to do with..." Cordy: "The yuck monster (points at her face) Yeah." Cordy looks past Angel, catches sight of herself in the mirror and gets up to take a closer look. Cordy: "This must be a mistake. The Powers wouldn't do this to me on purpose, I mean, I'm a part of their team. Why would anybody do this on purpose?" Angel comes out of Cordy's bedroom closing the door behind him and joins the others waiting for him in Cordy's living room. Angel: "We have to figure this out and now. Anybody? Gunn?" Gunn: "I had this auntie who used to get this nasty crusty stuff on the back of her neck every summer - turns out she was allergic to shellfish." Angel after a beat: "That was helpful." Wesley: "Why would the Powers choose to communicate with Cordy in this way?" Fred: "Maybe we could ask them. (Everyone turns to look at her) Y-you used the word 'communicate' which got me thinking - everything's made of energy, right? Light waves, radio waves, x-rays, even brain waves are all electric energy. If Cordelia is receiving visions from the Powers That Be they're being communicated somehow. Maybe we could figure out the frequency and trace the calls." Wesley: "Yes. Of course. Well done, Fred. - Gunn, I need you and Fred to go to the hotel and get me some books. I'll make a list. We need to research that Chinese coin. Angel, you find that demon and get the key." Angel: "I'm not going anywhere." Wesley: "Cordy's had two visions in the same night. You see what it's doing to her. If the Powers That Be are taking such extreme measures we have to assume that the coin and the key are of great significance." Angel: "And so is Cordelia. If I go out and find that key, how can I help her?" Wesley: "By trusting me. I have an idea." Angel brings his convertible to a stop at a street corner and gets out. Sword in hand, he kicks open the door to the store and walks in. Angel: "I want the key and I want it now." Man: "Oh, w-which key might that be?" The man turns on some more light and Angel looks around the store at walls covered with keys and blanks used in the duplication of keys. Man: "Did you lose the original?" Angel pulls out Cordy's drawing of the key and hands it to the man behind the counter. Angel: "Ah, it looks like this." Man: "Ah. Yes, of course. This should only take a moment." The man reaches one hand under the counter - like a bank clerk reaching for the hidden alarm button. A buzzer sounds and a boil covered demon drops down behind Angel swinging a sword. Angel blocks the sword and turns to engage the demon. Gunn and Fred walk into the Hyperion's courtyard. Fred: "I know that you're probably disappointed that you couldn't go fight that thing with Angel." Gunn: "Right. Because why would I wanna walk with a cute, young woman on a beautiful night when I could be out hacking and slaying an ugly, boil-covered demon monster and getting myself killed." Fred: "I can't apologize enough." Gunn: "Hey, I just follow orders. No matter how tough the job." Fred: "It's just that I'm still so jumpy, and I hate being jumpy, but I guess that's why you're here. Because you don't..." Gunn: "Whoa." Gunn has opened the door to the lobby and they find themselves facing a guy wearing a breathing mask. The lobby behind him is filled with gray smoke. Gunn: "Who the hell are you?" The guy pulls up his mask: "Surekill Exterminators. You can't come in. We're fumigating." Gunn: "In the middle of the night? I don't think so. (To Fred) I need you to get some of them books out of Wes' offices, okay? (Fred looks at him) You'll be okay. I just need to talk to this nice man." Fred walks past the two guys into the hotel. Gunn: "Alright. You got thirty seconds to show me your work order before I start doing some exterminating my damn self." Wesley opens the door of Cordy's apartment to let Angel in. Angel: "How is she?" Wesley: "Ah. We're finding out right now. Did you get the... (Angel hands him the key as he walks past Wes) Great." Angel walks into Cordy's bedroom to see her lying on the bed with Lorne sitting beside her. Lorne: "Ah. His royal badness. Just in time. Would you talk to this young lady? She's resisting the process." Angel: "Process?" Wesley: "Oh, my idea. The host reads people's auras to set them on their path. In some shape or form that connects him to the Powers That Be. I'm thinking..." Angel: "Sure. He might be able to reverse the process. That he might be able to use Cordelia in order to trace the call back to the Powers." Lorne: "Way outside of my area of expertise, I should caution. But hey? Who knew William Shatner could sing? (Laughs) - Okay, bad example." Lorne gets up to make room and Angel takes his place on the bed. Cordy: "Was it there? Because I'm gonna be really ticked off if I'm all (points at her face) Phantom of the Opera and there wasn't a key." Angel: "It was right where you said." Cordy: "Oh, good." Angel: "Why don't you want Lorne to try and trace the visions?" Cordy: "It's not like I'm morally against letting a demon into my subconscious for a quick lookee-loo. Hey, might be fun. But with the Powers That Be doing this whole 'book of Job' thing, the last thing I want is more noise in my head." Angel: "Maybe he can make the noise stop." Cordy sighs: "Yeah." Angel: "Isn't that what you want?" Cordy: "Yes! No. Well, no. Sure I hate looking and feeling like this, but - if I lose the visions, I wouldn't be able to help you anymore. You wouldn't need me." Angel: "That's not why I need you. You're important. - And the visions are just after market extras like Hurst shift or Krager wheels." Cordy: "Did you just compare me to a car?" Angel: "It was a very nice car." Cordy: "I guess that's better than a dog." Angel: "Cordy, let us try and help. Okay?" Cordy: "Okay." Angel and Lorne change places again. Lorne: "Alright, princess, like I told you earlier. You shouldn't even feel a thing. You ready?" Cordy lies back into her pillow and closes her eyes with a sigh. Lorne puts his hands on her temples and closes his eyes, too. Lorne: "Now, I want you to relax. Picture yourself outdoors, in a field, or on a mountain." Cordy: "I like the mountains." Lorne: "Beautiful. Say you're on a mountaintop, and it's warm. The sky is blue, full of big, fluffy clouds. You're Julie Andrews in 'The Sound of Music.' And you're relaxed and you're spinning and the camera is swirling and - ouch! (Lorne recoils from Cordy) Careful, honey, you've got some power of your own!" Cordy: "Sorry. All the spinning and swirling was freaking me out." Lorne: "My fault, my fault. I just love that movie so much!- Okay. Ready to try again? (Cordy sits up a little higher in her bed) Okay. Now let's go looking for the Powers That Be. See if we can reach out and touch someone." Lilah is pacing her office impatiently, checking her watch. The fez-guy from earlier is writing on a paper. Lilah: "How many times did I tell you that if we don't have your ten-ninety-nine on file that payroll can't cut you a check." Fez: "I know, I know! - Hey, you know a good tax-guy?" Lilah: "Let's just finish the job, then we'll talk about taxes." Fez: "You're the boss. (Signs the paper) John Hancock and - done!" Lilah: "You remember what we talked about?" Fez: "All that fire? (Laughs) How could I forget?" Fez guy sits down cross-legged on a table, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and starts to levitate. Lilah smiles as Fez-guy reaches up to take his hat off, revealing an exposed, glistening, gray brain, pulsing and flexing in a weird rhythm. Lorne is massaging Cordy's temples with his fingers. Suddenly Cordy jerks as she is hit with another vision. Next we get a shot of fez-guy's face and his pulsing, exposed brain. Then a blurry vision shot of a person engulfed in flames. Blend back to Cordy and Lorne getting blasted backwards through the air until he impacts with the wall to the sound of shattering glass as he smashes a floor lamp. Cordy is still in the throws of the vision as we blend from her jerking around on the bed to the burning guy and some bronze demon. Cordy screams and Angel hurries over to her. Angel: "Cordy? Cordy!" Wesley looks down at Cordy's arms that now look to be severely burned in the aftermath of the vision. Fez-guy is slowly settling back down on the table in Lilah's office. He puts his hat back on and opens his eyes to grin at Lilah. Lilah: "Well?" Fez: "I think she got the message." Break [SCENE_BREAK] Cordy: "Is Lorne gonna be okay?" Angel: "He's fine. He's unconscious, but he's fine. You're the one I'm worried about." Cordy: "Am I a bad person? Am I just a horrible person? Because I know I can be snippy sometimes." Angel: "This isn't happening because you're bad. - If anything it's because you're strong. Stronger than you realize." Cordy: "I'm not. - I know what I said earlier. - But I don't want the visions anymore. I tried to be brave. I did. But I'm just scared now. I'm scared all the time. (Does her best not to cry) I mean look at me! (Holds out her arms, then takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes) What could be so important that the Powers would do this? I don't understand." Angel: "I don't either. Hey..." Angel reaches to take a hold of her hand. The door opens and Wesley sticks his head in. Wesley motions for Angel to come out. Angel hesitates looking back at Cordy. Wesley: "Angel. I really think you should hear this." Angel looks back and forth between Wes and Cordy, then gets up. Angel steps out into the hall, closing the door behind him. Angel: "This better be important." Wes cocks his head towards the living room. Angel walks over to see Lorne lying on the couch, with Fred crouching beside it and Gunn sitting on the arm of it. Angel: "What? Did you make contact?" Fred: "The visions aren't from the Powers!" Lorne: "Oh, sure, sweetheart. Steal my thunder. Next time you can be the one that gets thrown across the room." Angel: "Who's sending the visions?" Lorne: "I don't know. (Winces as he tries to sit up) But it's local. Earthbound, and pretty authentic. I can see how a layperson might mistake it for the real deal." Gunn: "Are you saying someone's hacked into Cordy's head?" Lorne: "Transmitting false data through the celestial pipeline. I know it's probably a mile long list, but I'd start looking at enemies. Who wants to get to you, who has the sizable resources, and who'd be willing to mess up a pretty face like Cordelia's?" Lilah is sitting in front of her computer in her office. Lilah: "Concentrate!" She clicks the mouse. We see the golfer on the screen hit the ball into a water hazard. Lilah: "Ah, damn it." Angel: "Gosh. (Lilah jumps in her chair) Jeez, I hate traps. Don't' you? I was gonna knock, but you seemed to focused, I hated to interrupt." Lilah: "How-how did you get in here?" Angel goes to sit down in the chair on the other side of her desk. Angel: "Oh, you mean, why didn't the vampire alarms go off? Your college, Gavin, he - helped me out. College, mortal enemy, however you guys play it around here. So, can we get down to business? I think you might be looking for these." Angel holds up the Chinese coin and the key, then tosses them on Lilah's desk. Angel: "What do you think?" Lilah: "I think - you might be right." Angel: "Good. Then we're done here. (Gets up and leans on Lilah's desk) You got what you wanted. Now it's over." Angel turns to go. Lilah: "Actually - it's not over. (Slides the key and coin across the desk) And you'll be needing these to complete your mission." Angel: "There is no mission. You and me - we're through." Lilah gets up: "That's where you're wrong. We're just getting started. There's a young man who's been unfairly imprisoned and - you're gonna save him. Isn't that what you do? Save people? (Indicates the key and coin with her chin) You'll need those to complete your mission." Angel: "I see. I do this for you and you stop sending Cordy the killer visions." Lilah: "No. You'll do this for me because I tell you to." Lilah walks up to Angel with a smile, glides a hand from his chest around to his back as she circles him. Lilah: "I know what you're thinking. Yes. You could kill me now, but then you'll never be able to stop the visions. Just for the record, those little skin problems on what's-her-name weren't intended. Just an unfortunate little side effect." Angel's right hand suddenly shoots out and he grabs her by the throat, pulling her face close to his. Angel: "Her name is Cordelia, and you will help her." Angel lets go of Lilah and Lilah puts a hand up to her throat, breathing hard and shaking slightly. Angel has taken a step away and turned his back to her. He lets out a deep breath. Angel: "So, where is this jail?" Lilah smiles and walks up behind him. Lilah: "This is exactly why I chose you for the mission, Angel. I needed a man of character, a champion of good, a warrior, and I needed someone who could travel in and out of a fortressed demon dimension." Wesley is sitting at his desk looking at the markings on the coin through a magnifying glass. Angel walks in. Wesley: "How is Cordelia?" Angel: "Fred and Gunn are looking after her. You figured it out?" Wesley: "I think so. Something you probably won't like to hear is that both artifacts are considered objects of good." Angel: "Oh. So the Chinese guy and the boil guy..." Wesley: "Were also aligned with the forces of good." Angel: "Damn! So hard to tell these days. You know, they should wear lapel pins or something." Wesley: "Well. In the meantime: the inscriptions on the key and the coin match. They actually work together to transport you in and out of the other dimension." Angel: "I don't suppose we know what this other dimension is like - I mean, besides fortress-y and demon-y." Wesley: "Well, based on the burn scars Cordy received from the last vision, I'd imagine fire is not out of the question." Angel: "Fire." Wesley: "And if the young man is imprisoned, I'd imagine there may be guards." Angel: "Guards." Angel turns to leave the room. Wesley: "I don't need to explain to you that if Wolfram and Hart are behind this mission it can't be good." Angel stops to look back at Wesley, then continues out of the office. Wesley gets up to follow him. Angel is looking through the contents of the weapons cabinet. Wesley: "Just because Lilah tells you that this man is wrongly imprisoned doesn't make it so." Angel: "You're right." Wesley: "Nor do I have to explain to you that helping them violates everything you stand for." Angel grabbing some weapons: "Right again." Wesley: "Good. Then I don't need to convince you to let me go with you." Angel: "Right. No! Wesley, I need you to stay here in case anything goes wrong. - Now (holds up the coin) show me how it works." Wesley takes the coin: "I believe it's fairly simple. Ready?" Angel nods. Wes inserts the key into the hole in the center of the coin. Wesley: "This should take you there and bring you back." Wes turns the key and little metal bars spring out from the ends to lock against the coin. Giving it a good twist, Wesley tosses it to the floor where it spins on one end like a top, creating a swirling little vortex of smoke and light. Wesley: "You sure I can't come with you?" Angel: "Take care of Cordy." Taking a deep breath Angel takes a step closer to the spinning key. The ring of light and smoke expands to include Angel. Angel's image becomes smeared and translucent then he and the spinning key disappear with a small flash of light - while the sword, dagger and mace that Angel had just armed himself with clatter to the floor. Break Angel materializes in a darkened chamber. There are skulls worked into the stone walls behind him. Angel looks at his empty hands then checks his belt. Angel: "Sure. Because it would be too easy if I could actually defend myself." He takes a step forward and his foot kicks the key. Angel bends down to pick it up. Angel: "At least I got the key." Angel sticks the key in the inside pocket of his jacket. He spots a doorway to a room lit by fire at the bottom of a fight of steps and slowly walks towards it. As he enters the room he sees a man engulfed in flames inside a burning cube. A bronze-skinned demon steps up behind Angel. Angel turns to face it. Angel: "Hi." Demon: "Hi. - You know you're not supposed to be here, right?" Angel: "Yeah. What about him?" Angel looks over to the guy inside the burning cage. Demon: "Oh, him? Oh, he's supposed to be here. Do you have any idea how monstrous a guy has to be before he gets sent to us? We're a very high-end institution." Angel: "And it's your job to keep him here." Demon: "Yeah. (Offers his hand) I'm Skip." Angel takes the offered hand and they shake. Angel: "Angel. - So, ah, you live in here, Skip?" Skip: "No. I commute. It's not too bad - about twenty minutes." Angel: "Uh, what keeps him in the fire?" Skip: "My will." Angel: "How come he's not screaming in pain?" Skip: "Oh, he is. My will prevents him from being heard. I mean there is only so many 'oh my god! The pain! Please make it stop!' that you can listen to before it starts to bug the crap out of you." Angel: "I see your point." Skip sniffs: "You're a vampire, right? (Angel nods) How come it smells like you work for the Powers That Be?" Angel: "Cause I do." Skip: "And you're here to try to - rescue this guy? (Angel nods) But we're on the same side. Shouldn't you be helping to keep him in here?" Angel: "I know. I know. Long story. Involves a girl. I don't like it any better than you do." Skip: "So I really can't talk you out of this." Angel: "Sorry. I wish you could. I guess we just have to agree to..." Angel staggers back as Skip hits him full in the face. Angel: "...disagree." The two of them fight. Skip knocks Angel to the ground, and Angel vamps out, jumps back up and resumes the fight. Angel manages to kick Skip backwards towards the burning cage. The burning guy inside reaches out and grabs a hold of Skip's shoulders, trying to pull Skip into the cage with him. Flames lick at Skip's back as he struggles to get free. Angel, in vamp face stands there watching. Suddenly he morphs back to human and runs forward, pulls the hands off Skip's shoulders and swings Skip away from the cage. Angel: "Skip, are you okay? (Skip nods) Good. Sorry about this." With that Angel hauls back and knocks Skip out. The flames and the burning cage disappear, revealing the naked, soot smeared man at its center. Los Angeles, night, two limousines are parked in a spillway. Lilah is pacing between them, checking her watch occasionally. The headlights of a car come towards her and she smiles as she recognizes Angel's convertible. Angel and Wes are sitting in the front, Gunn and the guy Angel rescued are in the back. Angel: "You know what to do if anything goes wrong?" Gunn: "Pop goes the weasel." Angel gets out of the car and walks towards Lilah. Lilah motions towards the limousines and five or six burly bodyguards step out. Lilah: "To be honest, nobody at the firm thought that you could do it - except me. You're a remarkable man, Angel." Angel: "Yeah, and you're an evil bitch. Let's finish this. Take care of Cordelia - you get your guy." Lilah walks to the back of one of the limos. The window slides down revealing Fez-guy in the backseat. Lilah talks to him and the window slides back up. Lilah turns back to Angel. Lilah: "This should only take a moment." Angel turns to look towards his car and Wes pulls out his cell phone. The phone rings at Cordy's apartment, where Cordy is lying in bed, sleeping. Fred get up from where she was sitting on the end of the bed and goes to answer the phone. Fred: "Hello?" In the back of the limo Fez-guy is sitting hat-less, his eyes closed, brain pulsing. Fred turns to look at Cordy and sees the boils and blemishes melt away. Fred: "Wesley, it worked. She's okay." Wesley opens the car door and gets out. He motions to Angel with the phone. Gunn gets out as well as the guy Angel rescued, his hands bound with thick rope in front of him. Angel watches as the guy walk past him and to the open door of one of the limos. The guy props his arms on the open door to let one of the bodyguards cut the rope while smirking at Angel, then gets in the car. Lilah: "It's just business." Angel: "Right. Just business." Lilah walks towards the limo on the right. Angel bends down to pick up a piece of rebar lying in a pile of other thrash and sends it hurtling through the air. The metal bar whistles past Lilah to smash through the back window of the limo and through Fe-guy's head. Lilah looks back at Angel then takes a couple of steps closer to the car to look at the Fez-guy slumping dead in the backseat. She jumps when Angel is suddenly right there speaking softly into her ear. Angel: "Don't you came at me through Cordelia ever again. You play that card a second time and I'll kill you." Lilah watches as Gunn drives the convertible over and Angel gets into the passenger seat (Wes is now sitting in the back) then drives away. Then sun rises over the skyscrapers of the city. Cordy pours Angel a cup of coffee. Angel: "Cordy, I'm glad you're feeling better and all but..." Cordy: "...you're not really a foodie. I know. But - I saw this great, big industrial kitchen that we have, and never use and I thought that (both of the jump a little as two round waffles pop up from the toaster) one of these days we should get someone in here that can cook." Cordy takes the waffles out of the toaster and puts one on Angel's plate the other on her own and pours syrup over them. Cordy: "Here we are." Angel looking at his plate: "Heh. Here we are." Cordy: "Angel (he looks up at her) - what you did for me was unbelievably selfless - and brave, and amazing. (Angel looks back down) And it's so great to know that the next vision I have will just be blindingly painful and not turn me into Elephant-man or anything." Angel: "I hear a big 'but' coming." Cordy: "What if that guy you freed is someone or something that's truly terrible? Wolfram and Hart won this time and it's all my fault." Angel: "It's not about winning, Cordelia, it's about what's at stake. And in this particular scenario you were way more important than winning. - I can't worry about that guy I set free. I did what I had to do. I'll just deal with the consequences when they happen." They smile at each other, but the smiles disappear as soon as the other one is no longer looking. The Yoro Mountains of Honduras, a thunderstorm is lighting up the night sky. And old man is throwing bones on a little mat on the low table in front of him. He turns around as Darla walks in from the rain. Darla: "You're a difficult man to find, Senor. Do you know why I'm here? (The man nods) You are my last hope. I've been told you're very powerful, very wise. I tried everything and I can't get rid of it, so I ask you: what is this thing - growing inside of me? And how's it possible?" The man gets up. Shaman: "The father is also a..." Darla: "Vampire? Yes! Though - not a very good one." Shaman: "I will need some blood." Darla: "Well, I'll show you mine if - you show me yours." The shaman picks up a knife and a cup. Darla holds her hand over the cup but the shaman hesitates. With a sigh Darla takes the knife away from him and makes the cut herself. Darla: "Men are such babies." The Shaman mixes some powders and herbs with the blood in the cup. Shaman: "This has never failed me." The rubs the contents of the bowl onto his hands then lays them on Darla's swollen belly. After a moment he is blasted backwards away from her. Shaman: "I can not help you. No man can. This is not meant to be known." Darla: "Yeah, yeah. Like I haven't heard that before. (Looks down at her belly as she strokes it with her hands) I guess there is only one thing left to do. Time to go visit daddy."	Plan: A: Angel; Q: Who is forced to help Wolfram and Hart free a man being held by the Powers That Be? A: a demon; Q: What does the law firm hire to help them free a man? A: Cordelia; Q: Who is the woman who is being held by the Powers That Be? Summary: Angel is forced to help Wolfram and Hart free a man being held by the Powers That Be after the law firm hires a demon who can cause Cordelia to experience terrifying visions and pain.
Scene: Outside an apartment building. Howard: So two years later, there's a knock on the door, guy opens it, and there on his porch is the snail, who says, "What the heck was all that about?" Bernadette: I don't really get it. Howard: Well, see, it took two years for the snail to... (she kisses him) not important. Bernadette: Can I ask you a question? Howard: Sure. Bernadette: Where do you think this is going? Howard: To be honest, I was hoping at least second base. Bernadette: You're so funny. You're like a stand-up comedian. Howard: A Jewish stand-up comedian, that'd be new. Bernadette: Actually, I think a lot of them are Jewish. Howard: No, I was just... never mind. Bernadette: Look, Howard, this is our third date and we both know what that means. Howard: We do? Bernadette: sx. Howard: You're kidding. Bernadette: But I need to know whether you're looking for a relationship or a one-night stand. Howard: Okay, just to be clear, there's only one correct answer, right? It's not like chicken or fish on an airplane? Bernadette: Maybe you need to think about it a little. Howard: You know, it's not unheard of for a one-night stand to turn into a relationship. Bernadette: Call me when you figure it out. Howard: Three dates means sx? Who knew? Scene: The apartment. Howard: Greetings, homies, homette. Penny: Why are you back from your date so early? Howard: In romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more. Penny: What exactly does that mean? Leonard: He struck out. Credits sequence. Scene: The university cafeteria. Howard: Hey, did either of you guys know that three dates with the same woman is the threshold for sx? Raj: Actually, I've never had three dates with the same woman. Leonard: With Penny and me, it took two years. Now that I think about it, that was three dates. Howard: Okay, well, before you and Penny hooked up, did she ask for any kind of commitment? Leonard: No, she was pretty clear about wanting to keep her options open. Sheldon (arriving): I have something to announce, but out of respect for convention, I will wait for you to finish your current conversation. What are you talking about? Leonard: The cultural paradigm in which people have sx after three dates. Sheldon: I see. Now, are we talking date, the social interaction, or date, the dried fruit? Leonard: Never mind, what's your announcement? Sheldon: Oh, good, my turn. Well, this is very exciting and I wanted you to be among the first to know... Kripke: Hey, Cooper, I hear you're going to be on the wadio with Ira Fwatow from Science Fwiday next week. Sheldon: Thank you, Kripke, for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends. Kripke: My pweasure. Sheldon: My thank you was not sincere. Kripke: But my pweasure is. Let me ask you a question, at what point did National Public Wadio have to start scwaping the bottom of the bawwel for its guests? Eh, don't answer, it's wetowical. Sheldon: Why are you such a stupid head? That is also rhetorical. I'm sorry you had to hear that. Leonard: Are you really going to be on NPR? Sheldon: Yes, they're interviewing me by phone from my office, regarding the recent so-called discovery of magnetic monopoles in spin-ices. It's pledge week and they're trying to goose the ratings with a little controversy. Leonard: Very cool, congratulations. Sheldon: Thank you. My mother is very excited. She's convening her Bible study group to listen in, and then pray for my soul. Raj: I was on the radio once. I called in to Fever 104 FM New Delhi and was the fourth person to say the phrase that pays, "Fever 104, बहुत अच्छा संगीत के मौजूदा घर." That means: "Fever 104, home of the really good current music." It's much catchier in Hindi. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: All right. These are the talking points for my NPR interview tomorrow. I need to make sure that they're simple enough for the less educated in the audience to understand. Howard, look this over and tell me what's unclear to you. Howard: Excuse me, I have a master's degree in engineering from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. It required the completion of 144 units of grad work and an original thesis. Sheldon: Yes. Look this over and tell me what's unclear to you. Leonard: You know, when Sheldon gives you homework, you don't have to do it. Raj: In fact, it's better if you don't, otherwise it makes the rest of us look bad. Penny: Hi, guys. Leonard: Hey. Sheldon: Hello. Penny: Yo, Raj, talk to me. I'm sorry, just screwing with you. Hey, Howard, why haven't you called Bernadette? Howard: Did she say something? Penny: Yeah, she said she hasn't heard from you in a week. I thought you liked her? Howard: I do, yeah, but she wants a commitment and I'm not sure she's my type. Penny: She agreed to go out with you for free. What more do you need? Howard: Look, Bernadette is really nice. I just always thought when I finally settle down into a relationship, it would be with someone, you know, different. Penny: Different how? Howard: Well, you know, more like Megan Fox from Transformers, or Katee Sackhoff from Battlestar Galactica. Penny: Are you high? Leonard: You'd have a better shot with the three-breasted Martian hooker from Total Recall. Howard: Okay, now you're just being unrealistic. Anyway, that movie was like 20 years ago, imagine how saggy those things would be. Penny: Howard, you're going to throw away a great girl like Bernadette because you're holding out for some ridiculous fantasy? Howard: Hey, just because you settled doesn't mean I have to. Leonard: Excuse me, I'm sitting here. Penny: Hey, I did not settle for Leonard. I mean, obviously, he isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with, you know, physically. Leonard: Again, I'm right here. Penny: My point is, I do not judge a book by its cover. I am interested in the person underneath. Leonard: I am here, right? You see me. Howard: Hey, I'm interested in what's inside people, too, but why is it wrong to want those insides wrapped up in, say, the delicious caramel that is Halle Berry? (To Raj) Yes, you're delicious caramel, too. Penny: All right, you know what, I will tell you why it's wrong... Sheldon: Excuse me, may I interject? Penny: What? Sheldon: Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line. Howard: Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon: Now, whether that propagation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question. Scene: Kripke is in a storage cupboard of some kind. He has tubes rigged up through the roof attached to helium tanks which he is turning on. The radio is playing. Radio: This is Ira Flatow and you're listening to NPR's Science Friday. Joining us today by phone from his office in Pasadena, California is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Kripke: Oh, this is going to be a wiot. Scene switches to Sheldon's office, where the end of the tubing can be seen coming through the wall. Hissing can be heard. Radio: Thanks for being with us today, Dr. Cooper. Sheldon: My pleasure, Ira. Ira: Now, let's talk about magnetic monopoles. Can you explain to our audience just what a monopole is? Sheldon: Of course. First, consider an ordinary magnet which has, (the pitch of his voice begins to rise) as even the most uneducated in your audience must know, two poles, (pitch rises further) a north and south pole. If you cut that in half, you have two smaller magnets, each with its own north and south pole. Ira: Uh, Dr. Cooper, I think there might be something wrong with our connection. Sheldon (even higher pitch): No, I hear you fine. As I was saying, an ordinary magnet has two poles. The primary characteristic of a monopole is that it has only one pole, hence, monopole. Scene cuts to university cafeteria where Kripke is holding up the radio for all to listen. Sheldon: A requirement for string theory, or M-theory, if you will, is the existence of such monopoles. I, myself, led an expedition to the Arctic Circle in search of said particles. Kripke, I found the nozzle! I'm going to kill you! Scene: Howard's bathroom. He is in the bath. Howard: So nice you could join me this evening. You're looking lovely as always. Katee Sackhoff: Thanks, Howard. Always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies. Howard: Come on, Katee, don't make it sound so cheap. Katee: I'm sorry, fiddling with yourself in the bathtub is a real class act. Howard: Thank you. So, shall we get started? Katee: Sure. But can I ask you a question first? Howard: You want to play Cylon and colonist? Katee: No. I want to know why you're playing make-believe with me when you could be out with a real woman tonight. Howard: You mean, Bernadette? Katee: No, I mean Princess Leia. Of course I mean Bernadette. She's a wonderful girl and she really likes you. Howard: I know, but she's not you. Katee: I'm not me. The real me is in Beverly Hills going out with a tall, handsome, rich guy. Howard: Really? Tall? Katee: Six-four. Howard: Ouch. Katee: The point is, you've got a wonderful girl in your life, and you're ignoring her in order to spend your nights in the bathtub with a mental image and a wash cloth. Howard's Mother: Howard! What are you doing in there? Howard: I'm taking a bath! Howard's Mother: I hope that's all you're doing! We share that tub! Howard: Don't remind me! (Katee has vanished) Oh, man. All soaped up and no place to go. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Leonard: How ya doin', buddy? Sheldon: I was humiliated on national radio. How do you think I'm doing? Leonard: Come on, it wasn't that bad. Sheldon: What do you want? Raj (in a munchkin voice): We represent the Lollipop Guild, and we want you. Leonard: Okay, so Kripke played a joke on you. Sheldon: It wasn't funny. Raj: I thought it was funny. Leonard: Raj. Raj: You laughed. Sheldon: Did you laugh? Leonard: I fell on the floor. All right, he got you, you can get him back. Sheldon: I refuse to sink to his level. Raj: You can't sink. With all that helium in you, you're lucky you don't float away. Leonard: Are you really admitting defeat? Sheldon: I never admit defeat. Leonard: Good. Sheldon: However, on an unrelated topic, I am never getting out of this bed again. Leonard: What if you could make Kripke look even sillier than he made you look? Raj: I don't think that's possible, dude. Leonard: You're not helping. Raj: I didn't come to help, I came to mock. Leonard: Sheldon, what you need to do is figure out a way to exact vengeance on Kripke, like, uh, like, how the Joker got back at Batman for putting him in the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Raj: That's true. He didn't just stay there and talk about his feelings with the other psychotic villains. He, he broke out and poisoned Gotham's water supply. Sheldon: Well, I suppose I could poison Kripke. Leonard: No, no. Sheldon: It's a simple matter. There are several toxic chemicals that'd be untraceable in an autopsy. Leonard: Okay, uh, that's the spirit, but, um, let's dial it back to a non-lethal form of vengeance. Sheldon: Oh! How about we put awhoopee cushion on his office chair? He'll sit down, it'll sound like he's flatulent, even though he's not. Leonard: Let's keep thinking. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Howard enters. Penny: Oh, gee, you're too late. Scarlett Johansson and Wonder Woman were just in here trolling around for neurotic, little weasels. Howard: Yeah, I came to talk to Bernadette. She's working today, right? Penny: Yes, but I don't think she wants to see you. Howard: Why not? Penny: Come on, Howard. You hurt her feelings by not calling her all week. Plus, I've kind of been talkin' some smack about ya. Bernadette: Hello, Howard. Howard: Wait, Bernadette, I need to talk to you. Bernadette: I can't now, I'm working. Howard: This will only take a second. You asked me to think about where our relationship was going, and I did. Bernadette? Will you marry me? Bernadette: Is this more comedy that I don't understand? Howard: No. I'm serious. I'm never going to find another girl like you who likes me and is, you know, real. Bernadette: So, this isn't a joke? Howard: No. Bernadette: Then you're insane. Howard: I prefer to think of myself as quirky. Bernadette: Howard, we've only been on three dates. We haven't even had s*x yet. Howard: Fair enough. When's your break? Bernadette: Wow. (Walks away) Howard: Don't you just hate when this happens? Penny: Wow. Scene: The apartment kitchen. Sheldon: All right, how's this for revenge? A solution of hydrogen peroxide, and one of saturated potassium iodide. Raj: What's this? Sheldon: Mountain Dew. Ah, refreshing. Now, we're going to combine these chemicals with ordinary dish soap, creating a little exothermic release of oxygen. Raj: Foamy vengeance. Sheldon: Yes, exactly. Leonard: This is brilliant, Sheldon. How are we going to deploy it in Kripke's office? Sheldon: Already taken care of. Observe. This is a live shot of Kripke's lab via a mini webcam I was able to install, thanks to a dollar bill discreetly placed in the night janitor's shirt pocket. At the same time, I also secured large quantities of these chemicals above the tiles in the drop ceiling. Raj: Oh, Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor. Sheldon: You flatter me, sir. Leonard: Let me guess, motion sensors? Sheldon: The reaction will be triggered when Kripke reaches the center of the room. Mwah, ha, ha. Leonard: I gotta say, I am really impressed. This is truly the Sheldon Cooper way to get even. (Sits down. There is a flatulent noise) Sheldon: It may be low-tech, but I still maintain the whoopee cushion has comic validity. Raj: Here comes Kripke! Leonard: Who is that with him? Raj: I believe that's the president of the university. Leonard: And the board of directors. Abort! Abort! Sheldon: There is no abort. Raj: Well, how could you not put in an abort? Sheldon: I made a boo-boo, all right? Kripke: I think the board will weally appweciate how well we're using that NSA gwant, Pwesident Seibert. Wight here we have a micwo-contwolled pwasma... (foam falls from the ceiling soaking everyone) Raj: Wow. Looks like the Ganges on laundry day. Leonard: At least they don't know it was you. Sheldon (on Kripke's computer in the lab): Hello, Kripke. This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper. If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube. Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise. Raj: Well, I'm going back to India. What's your plan? Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Penny: Hey, here's your tip from table seven. Bernadette: Oh, thanks. Penny: Mm-hmm. Howard (on the stage, into a microphone): Testing. Check. Check two. Bernadette: Oh, now what? Penny: You want me to throw him out? Bernadette: No, that's okay. Penny: Are you sure? He's small. I bet I can get a nice, tight spiral on him. Howard: I want to dedicate this number to a great gal who I've done wrong. (To the tune of the Four Tops song Bernadette) Bernadette, I am so sorry for trying to propose to you, Bernadette, you found it creepy but that's just the kind of thing I do. I know now it was too soon to talk of love. It was just a crazy idea that came to me in my tub. But, Bernadette, give me one more chance, sweet Bernadette, I'll get the hang of this thing they call romance, sweet Bernadette, I dream to once again kiss your lips, sweet Bernadette. Sincerely yours, Howard Wolowitz, Bernadette... Penny: Oh, I am so sorry. Bernadette: Are you kidding? That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. Howard (still singing): ...Bernadette! Thank you, Cheesecake Factory!	Plan: A: three successful dates; Q: How many dates did Howard have with Bernadette before he reflected on the future of his relationship? A: a last-minute proposal; Q: What does Howard surprise Bernadette with? A: a cheesy love song; Q: What does Howard perform to win Bernadette over? A: A prank fight; Q: What does Sheldon and Kripke have between them? A: National Public Radio's; Q: Where was Kripke's show? A: a high-pitched voice; Q: What did Kripke give Sheldon by filling his office with helium? A: the ceiling; Q: Where did Sheldon drop foam from? A: Siebert; Q: Who was the President of the Institute when Sheldon accidentally dropped foam on Kripke? A: a pre-recorded message; Q: What did Sheldon play from Kripke's computer? A: Leonard; Q: Who was the other person who was involved in the prank? A: Raj; Q: Who was Leonard's friend? Summary: After three successful dates, Howard reflects on the future of his relationship with Bernadette. He surprises her with a last-minute proposal, which she declines as it is much too soon for either of them. However, he wins her over by performing a cheesy love song, which she finds as romantic. A prank fight between Sheldon and Kripke begins when the latter severely embarrasses the former on National Public Radio's talk show Science Friday by filling Sheldon's office with helium, giving him a high-pitched voice. It ends with Sheldon dropping foam from the ceiling into Kripke's office, but accidentally does it when President Siebert and the Board of Directors are there to see Kripke's progress on one of his experiments. Afterwards, a pre-recorded message from Sheldon plays from Kripke's computer, explaining that Sheldon was responsible and that Leonard and Raj were involved.
Opening scene - Christmas tree lot - the first thing we see is an awesome aerial shot of the water, and houses etc. then we see a Christmas tree being shaken Summer: (off screen) nope (shakes another tree) nope (frowns, shakes another tree) look at the branch spacing its like swiss cheese (touches stem) an these stems couldn't hold heavier ornaments Marissa: so, that's a pass then (we can now see the Ryan and Seth are standing next to Marissa. they both look like they are over Summers search for the perfect tree, lol Seth is also wearing his cute reindeer sweater) Ryan: why not, we've been here three hours (looks at Marissa, walks away) Seth: hey get in the spirit man its Chrismukkah, an I love Chrismukkah (Summer is inspecting a tree behind Seth) Marissa: (arms folded) so we've heard (walks away) Seth: it's seriously the best thing I've ever done, every Jewish boy wants Christmas, I gave myself that Summer: (looks at needle) well what's the equivalent, what does every Christian kid want (smells) Seth: easy, a Bar Mitzvah Ryan: I've never wanted one Seth: well that's jus cause (raises eyebrows) you don't know better Ryan: oo (raises eyebrows) Summer: Coop, let's look over here Marissa: again Summer: yeah (Marissa pouts and Ryan kisses her on the cheek, aww. Summer and Marissa walk off together) Seth: seriously, I think you should really consider it Ryan: what, a Bar Mitzvah Seth: yeah, you've brought some much needed Chris to the Cohen's but I think you could really use a little mukkah Ryan: mm I don't think so Seth: (nods) that's tough talk from a guy who eats alotta bagels (we now see Marissa and Summer in a different section of trees) Marissa: oh you think Johnny would like that tree (points) Summer: Johnny, Johnny who (frowns) Johnny Harper Johnny (looks at Marissa) Johnny the one lets take time off jus be friends because I'm in love with you (raises eyebrows) Johnny Marissa: its just I feel bad, I mean it's the holidays an he's all alone, layed up with his knee Summer: I don't know Cooper scooper (frowns, worried) Marissa: (looks at Summer) that's a bad (raises eyebrows, tries not to laugh) nickname, an besides I already talked about it with Ryan, an he's cool with everything Summer: mm Marissa: it's just a tree (shrugs) Summer: ok (looks at Marissa) but I get to pick it out (we now see Seth and Ryan again) Seth: everything cool with you an Marissa Ryan: yep, we had a really good talk Seth: mm (frowns) an the whole Johnny thing Ryan: no there is no Johnny thing, I mean there is but...not for her (Seth frowns) anyway it's the holidays I'm sure Johnny's the last thing on her mind Seth: hm (Marissa and Summer are back over with Ryan and Seth) Marissa: hey, so we found a great tree for Johnny's house (Ryan and Seth look at each other) Seth: did you now Marissa: yeah (shrugs) well I figured he could use some holiday cheer (looks at Summer) Ryan: yeah I think that's a great idea (looks at Seth) (Summer smiles) come on (Ryan puts his hand on Marissa's back and they walk away together) Summer: uh-hm, an what do youuuu think Cohen Seth: my Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble (we see an aerial shot of the Christmas tree lot as Seth and Summer head over to Ryan and Marissa together) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Front of Johnny's house - Marissa rings the door bell and then looks behind her. the range rover is parked with a big tree tied to the roof. Ryan is holding a smaller tree which came out of the back of the range rover, and Summer and Seth are standing near him. Seth shuts the back just as Johnny's mom opens the door. it almost seems like she's been crying Marissa: (smiles) hey J's mom: oh hey, Marissa (Ryan, Seth and Summer are now near Marissa) J's mom: if you're looking for Johnny it's probably not the best time Marissa: i-is everything ok Johnny: (off screen) who is it mom (Johnny's mom turns around and looks at him limping over to the door) Johnny: hey guys Ryan: hey (touches tree) bought you a little somethin for the holidays Seth: an it only took Summer five hours to pick it out (Summer smiles and raises her eyebrows) Johnny: well thanks, its really nice of you guys J's mom: that is nice, here let me Ryan: yeah (gives J's mom the tree) J's mom: ill be inside (Johnny moves out of the way so his mom can go inside then stands in the doorway again) Marissa: well what's going on Johnny: nothin um jus...we got a call from the doctor Ryan: somethin wrong with the surgery Johnny: ...there's not gonna be a surgery (Seth frowns, Summer and Ryan listen) Johnny: apparently my moms insurance doesn't cover it so Marissa: so he's not gonna do the operation Johnny: he would, if we could pay for it (Summer looks down) so I guess I'm...gonna have'ta get use'ta livin here a little while longer Ryan: sorry man (raises eyebrows) (Marissa looks worried) Johnny: that's cool, you know I was kinda gettin sick'a surfin anyways (shrugs, almost smiles) yeah but thanks for the tree (Seth, Summer and Ryan all look as though they feel bad for Johnny) Johnny: ill see ya (shuts door) Marissa: (softly) yeah (looks away worried) Seth: I think he really liked the tree CUT TO: Cohen living room - we see a close up of a large Santa statue being taken out of a box. Kirsten sets him down near other decorations. the shot changes and we can see Kirsten and all her surroundings as well as Sandy walking in the front door. next to Kirsten sitting on the arm of the couch are four yarmuclaus, in front of her we can see a menorah, some tinsel and a couple of smaller figurine things. next to her we can see Seth's and Ryan's stockings and she has a box in front of her that she has her hand in. there are also 2 large soldiers standing near the lounge and the Santa Claus that she placed down, near Santa there is also a little tree Sandy: hey, I tell you the air is crisp (points) i-i- it must be seventy degrees out there, the kids are not back yet with the tree Kirsten: oh not yet, Seth said they'll be a while, I'm jus pulling out stockings an menorahs an yarmuclaus (smiles) Sandy: all the Chrismukkah trimmings Kirsten: (holds up Ryan's stocking) remember when Seth made him this Sandy: that feels like forever ago Kirsten: what feels like forever ago is when my mom an I made this (looks lovingly at the angel) my dad claimed it was his favourite, always demanded that he got to hang it Sandy: (crouches) It's your first holiday without him Kirsten: an the last one with the boys in the house (smiles sadly) merry Chrismukkah huh Sandy: well luckily Chrismukkah has twice the resistance of an ordinary holiday Kirsten: mm, its jus that this year (raises eyebrows) it just feels like its flying by so fast Sandy an (looks at Sandy) I just feel adrift Sandy: well you got your business with Julie...an if you wanna feel better about your own life hangin out with Julie Coopers a great way ta begin Kirsten: (smiles) I should check in on her, see how she's doing Sandy: you mark my words, this'll be the best Chrismukkah ever (kisses Kirsten) mm Kirsten: you're beginning to sound like Seth Sandy: well, it just means you'll miss him less when he's gone (grins, stands) (Kirsten laughs and then looks at the angel sadly) CUT TO: The diner - we see the diner all decorated for Christmas. there are Christmas lights along the windows, a few little trees scattered around, and tinsel along the edge of the booths. Seth, Summer, Marissa and Ryan are sitting in a booth together Marissa: you guys we have'ta do something...we need a Chrismukkah miracle (we see a close up of Ryan with his hands clasped together thinking. after a second he clicks his finger and points at Summer. Marissa looks as well, then Seth. Summer looks at them) Summer: oh, right (raises eyebrows) a Chrismukkah miracle that's what I do (Seth nods) ok (Marissa and Ryan nod) umm how bout if we (stops) no (Seth looks down) no, (turns to Seth) what if (Seth looks hopeful) no (excited) I know (Marissa jumps) (smacks forehead) stu...pid (Marissa looks at Ryan) Seth: I can actually see the wheels turning (Summer sighs, frustrated) Marissa: well how much can surgery be Ryan: eh its a few grand at least Seth: if any of you were even remotely Jewish I would jus say we could pool our Bar Mitzvah money but (thinks) holy crap that's it (points) Summer: what's it Ryan: (realises) nn (raises eyebrows) oh n-n-n-n-n-n- no (points) Seth: yes (smiles) Ryan: no way dude Marissa: what Seth: yes way dude Ryan: no Seth: yes way dude Ryan: I'm sorry, alright I cant, I won't (Seth is now sitting on the back of the booths seat) Seth: will Ryan: I'm not havin it Marissa: havin what Seth: a Bar Mitzvah (Ryan is clearly frustrated at Seth saying it. Seth claps. Marissa smiles and almost laughs) Summer: (laughs) Ryan gets Bar Mitzvah'ed now that is funny (points) Ryan: yeah see, Summers laughing Seth: no that's just gas- Summer: (hits Seth) hey Seth: now listen'a me this wouldn't be an ordinary Bar Mitzvah you know what this would be, wait for it (holds up finger dramatically, looks up) wait for it (Ryan looks up) a Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah (Summer frowns) spell that dude (Marissa looks at Summer) Ryan: (softly) that's crazy Seth: yeah, so crazy it just might work Marissa: (looks at Ryan) so we throw a big party Summer: an Ryan gets the money from the Bar Mitzvah (Seth looks at Ryan) Marissa: an then we can spend it on Johnny's surgery Ryan: how is this gonna work, am I jus gonna stand in front'a Newport an sing Hebrew Seth: you chant (points) an hell yes Summer: (to Marissa) oo what kind'a centerpieces should we get Marissa: I don't know, band or DJ Summer: ooo Seth: uh DJ with dancers Summer: yeah Seth: I like the Pussycat Dolls Ryan: oh my god you're serious Seth: we can get so many cool things, we can get Hercle the Jewish clown Summer: Hercle (smiles) (Ryan closes his eyes and puts his head down on his hands) Seth: DJ Goldstein Berger CUT TO: Julie's trailer - we hear the TV going and a dog barking in the distance. then we see Julie in a wife beater and mini skirt on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table. she spits Skoal into what looks like a tin can. it is beyond disgusting. we see the TV and she is watching some kind of car racing. we then hear a knock at the door Julie: (yells) I told you Gus I'm not going to your Christmas party, even if you are deep fryin a ham (Kirsten opens the door and lets herself in. Julie sits up and spits the Skoal into the tin, and makes a disgusting noise to boot, ugh) Kirsten: well, deep fried ham sounds delicious Julie: (thrown) Kirsten, um (turns off TV) I thought we weren't doing any...business until after the New Year Kirsten: I didn't come here for business Julie: oh, just happen to be in the neighbourhood huh Kirsten: I came to see how you were Julie: I'm great (Kirsten looks at her skeptically) some'a the neighbours are having cockfights in an hour, using stray dogs it's a holiday tradition (Kirsten nods) my moneys on the feisty Weimaraner Kirsten: good (raises eyebrows, smiles sadly) cause I'm awful (Kirsten looks at Julie sadly, Julie looks at her) Julie: I'm spitting Skoal into a can drinking wine from a bottle I unscrewed an living in a home that, if I wanted to, I could put in reverse, I'm beyond awful Kirsten: you're at least gonna spend the holidays with Marissa right Julie: well you know we were, but the Four Seasons in Maui is booked (sits) Kirsten: haven't told her Julie: what that her moms now a Jeff Foxworthy fan, she thinks our new ocean front condo is undergoing a remodel Kirsten: (nods) Julie what're ya gonna do Julie: I'm gonna let her have her fun (points to herself) and I will be miserable Kirsten: well, misery loves company (Kirsten sits down next to Julie. Julie turns the TV back on, and picks up what I assume is the Skoal, she offers it to Kirsten but she refuses. Kirsten and Julie both put their feet up on the coffee table, lol) CUT TO: Robert's house - we see Summers dad Neil coming down the stairs just as Summer and Seth come in the front door Neil: hey Summer: hi Seth: Dr. Roberts (Neil looks at him) hello, hi, how are you Neil: I'm good Seth how are you Seth: great (nods) I'm with your daughter (points) (Summer smiles) so how could I not be great...plus the Angels won (Summer looks at her dad) lookin pretty good this year mm Neil: baseball season ended months ago Seth Seth: but the market is up, yes (Neil looks at him then away) no, it's a good- it's a good time for the market, yes, no, it's a good- it's a bad-its a bad its a bad time for the market Summer: Cohen Seth: (softly) it's a bad time Summer: why don't you comb out Princess Sparkles tail, I know how that (softly) relaxes you Seth: what (Neil tries not to laugh) Seth: Summer what're you- what're you talking about I would never I would (Summer looks at him) (breathes heavily, gives up) is the comb where I left it Summer: (softly) yeah (Seth goes upstairs. Neil watches him and then turns to Summer) Neil: how are you sweetheart Summer: oh I'm good, I just had a trial run at the Christmas tree lot, I helped pick out the Cohen's tree Neil: ah Summer: um is what's-her-name around I thought maybe we could all go later an pick out ours Neil: your step-mother, she's out of town, she's meeting with the Mahariti? in New Delhi, she wants to get centred for the New Year Summer: (nods) m so when she's here (frowns) she's not really here but now she's really not here Neil: but we have each other (Summer looks at him) an I've got a ton'a work Summer: well cant tummy tucks wait (raises eyebrows) its the holidays (Neil raises his eyebrows) aren't you the least bit bummed that your wife ditched us Neil: I'm too busy, I really haven't had a chance to...be bummed (smiles) I've gotta be off to the OR, when you wanna get that tree you jus let me know (Neil kisses Summer on the head. Summer kisses back) Summer: (sadly) bye dad (Neil leaves and Summer frowns) CUT TO: Johnny's house - on the TV we can see old surfing footage of Johnny. we then see Johnny's mom J's mom: he hasn't moved all day (we now see that Ryan and Marissa are standing just near the front door. Johnny's mom opens the door to the living room and Ryan and Marissa follow. Johnny looks over) J's mom: Johnny, your friends are here Ryan: hey man (touches Johnny's shoulder) Johnny: hey Marissa: hey Johnny: this is when me an Chili went down to Costa Rica, it was the greatest trip'a my life, an now it's the most depressing Ryan: well, we have some good news Johnny: yeah, I could use some'a that Marissa: yeah well your gonna have the surgery (Johnny looks from Marissa to Ryan) Ryan: yeah we're gonna throw a party, well a fundraiser Marissa: I mean we have em all the time so it's not really a big deal but (shrugs) (Johnny doesn't look happy) everyone in Newport usually comes Ryan: yeah, we'll raise the money Johnny: so I'm like a charity case now (Marissa and Ryan look at each other) Ryan: no no (squints) it's not like that Johnny: the rich people pay for the poor kid how is it not like that Marissa: ...(raises eyebrows) we're tryin'a help (shrugs) Johnny: I appreciate that but I've always taken care'a myself Ryan: ok, alright, but now's not the time to be proud Johnny: (looks at Ryan) hey man if anyone should understand... (Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan doesn't know what to say) Johnny: look thanks but no thanks alright (sighs) I should probably lay down (moves leg) my knees killin me (stands) thanks for stoppin by (Johnny limps out of the room. Ryan watches him and then looks up at Marissa, Marissa looks at him then she looks over at the TV. old footage of Johnny surfing is still playing) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Ryan, Seth, Marissa and Summer are all out by the pool, and the best bit, Ryan is cleaning the pool,lol. Marissa is sitting cross legged near Ryan eating breakfast, Summer is sitting on the edge of a pool chair and Seth is standing near her. the garden is also understatedly decorated for Chrismukkah. there are fairy lights wrapped around poles and a few poinsettia pot plants scattered around the garden. it looks nice Seth: I don't care, Ryan's still gettin the Bar Mitzvah Summer: Cohen the whole point was to help Johnny Seth: maybe uh to you but do any of you remember my Bar Mitzvah (Summer looks over at Ryan and Marissa. Ryan looks over at Seth) Marissa: (frowns, thinks) wait wasn't that Luke's birthday, we played paintball that was so much fun Seth: yeah that was fun, apparently for the entire thirteen year old population of Orange County none of whom happened to swing by temple Beth El that day but you know what now I'm gonna get a do over (points to himself) Ryan: well I just wish he'd let us help him Marissa: well he doesn't wanna be our charity case Summer: (frowns) poor guy, slight of build an on crutches, he's kinda like our very own Tiny Tim (nods) Ryan: (sighs) he was pretty upset yesterday but he'd just gotten the news so Summer: yeah (shrugs) maybe if he jus thinks about it he'll change his mind Ryan: (shrugs) exactly Seth: so it's on (Ryan shrugs) Marissa: alright while you guys keep working on it I'm gonna go talk to him (stands) Ryan: alright (puts pool thing down, sighs) meet you at the diner (Marissa kisses Ryan on the cheek) Summer: (stands) bye (kisses Seth) (Marissa and Summer leave together) Seth: an we only have one hurdle left before you become a man CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is hanging a Christmas wreath on the wall Sandy: a Bar Mitzvah (turns around) for Ryan (suprised) (we see that Ryan and Seth are standing at the end of the bench together) Seth: ooo it jus makes me feel all tingly hearin you say it (we can now see that Kirsten is standing near Sandy. Sandy comes down and looks at Ryan and Seth) Sandy: d'you have any idea how offensive this is (Kirsten looks at Sandy) (Seth motions no) Ryan: we're not tryin to offend (looks at Seth) jus...help (Seth smiles) Sandy: well, you gotta be Jewish to be Bar Mitzvah'ed lets jus start there Kirsten: why are you guys doing this Ryan: our friend Johnny he can't afford knee surgery i-it's like a fundraiser Seth: which is where we need you mom (points) Sandy: it's a sacred religious event (Seth frowns and shakes his head) a tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the Ten Commandments (Seth makes a snoring noise as if he fell asleep and woke up) Seth: I'm sorry (Sandy smiles) an that's the problem with the Jews right there we have no concept of marketing Sandy: (looks at Seth) you're on thin ice Seth: now listen'a me, a long time ago moms team allowed Christmas to be about reindeers (Ryan looks at him) an snowmen an Tim Allen movies (Ryan nods) an I would say that that's a pretty religious holiday (points) Kirsten: (looks at Seth) the birth of Christ, id say so Seth: you betcha, well now the Bar Mitzvah is our greatest export possibility, it's got huge cross over potential Ryan: iiiits an honorary Bar Mitzvah Seth: it's a Chrismukkah (raises eyebrows) Bar-Mitz vahkkah (Sandy smiles, trying not to laugh) Kirsten: I like it...an there helping their friend Ryan: but, we need your blessing Seth: that's right Kirsten: the club is throwing a holiday party anyway we'll hijack it, we'll jus tell the Newpsies that we're raising money for the hospital (Seth clicks his finger) Sandy it could be really fun (Ryan and Seth look at Sandy hopeful) Sandy: its honorary Seth: (smiles) hey (claps hands together) Sandy: minimal Hebrew Ryan: which I'm fine with Sandy: no tallis no challah, no tefillin Seth: hey, as long as people are dancin to YMCA an handin over envelopes of cash we're in Sandy: then so are we Seth: (hits Ryan on the back excitedly) Mazel Tov buddy (Ryan smiles) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Marissa opens the door and walks in. she knocks on the slightly open door that leads to the kitchen and walks in Marissa: hey, what're you doing (we see Johnny sitting at the end of the table with his back facing Marissa, he doesn't turn around) Johnny: solitaire Marissa: are you winning (Johnny motions no) oh there's nothing worse than losing to yourself huh (Johnny looks up for a second and then back down) you got some time to talk Johnny: actually I'm kinda busy Marissa: (raises eyebrows) I can see that Johnny: no I'm serious uh (picks up cell phone and looks at Marissa) Marissa: (frowns, shrugs) w-what's your problem Johnny, I mean you don't want help from anyone or you jus don't want help from me Johnny: my problem is my problem (Johnny looks at Marissa. Marissa looks at him, the cell phone rings) Johnny: I'm sorry I gotta take this Marissa: (shrugs) I can wait Johnny: ...it's private (Johnny looks at Marissa and Marissa walks to the other end of the room. Johnny stands) Johnny: hey man actually its-its not a good time Marissa: (scoffs) you know what its fine (Johnny looks at her) ill go (Marissa walks towards the door) Johnny: Marissa (Marissa looks) I'm sorry ok (Marissa looks at Johnny and goes to shut the door. Johnny moves further away) Johnny: yeah sure I can meet you (Marissa shuts the door) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we see Ryan sitting on the bed looking through Seth's Bar Mitzvah photo album. there is a photo of Seth by himself, then on the other page one of him standing between Sandy and Kirsten, and underneath that one of just him and Kirsten. aww Ryan turns the page back and we see a big photo of Seth alone, it's the first photo in the album Ryan: I can't believe this was you (Seth is near Ryan dragging out a large trunk) Seth: oh hard to believe I was once skinny an awkward I know Ryan: (frowns) no but-but seriously you went out in public like this (Seth is now sitting cross legged in front of the trunk) Seth: its one'a the unfortunate truths of the Bar Mitzvah Ryan, it's the most awkward time in a young Jewish boys life (lifts lid) but also the most photographed Ryan: mm is there a videotape too (raises eyebrows) Seth: you would have'ta kill me first (looks in trunk) hey, my archery award from camp Takaho, my clay hot dog I made in seventh grade, my diorama of I know how the cage bird sings (looks) there we go (pulls out CD) this is the CD I trained with (Ryan looks at him) Rabbi Guttermen he does a lovely job (hands Ryan CD) very easy for you ta mimic Ryan: ooo I don't know if I can do this man Seth: it'll be over before you know it, listen you jus chant a little Torah, you dance a little hora an then we're golden, as soon as you hear that's what friends are for your done Ryan: that songs Jewish Seth: it might as well be (nods) it's a staple of every Bar Mitzvah, its you an all your friends, your arms around each other swaying, it's awesome Ryan: (frowns) I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party Seth: (looks at Ryan) it's hypothetically (points) awesome but tomorrow we're gonna rewrite history Ryan: well, I guess I should go study, an then I gotta meet up with Marissa Seth: hey no slacking with the lady ok, you got twenty four hours to learn Hebrew, to read the Old Testament Ryan: and humiliate myself in front'a (raises eyebrows) the whole town (starts to leave) Seth: (calls) its better than humiliatin yourself in front'a no one, trust me CUT TO: The hospital - Kirsten and Julie are walking together Kirsten: oh Julie this is just what we need to lift us out of our holiday blues (opens door) we're throwing a party Julie: it's called a Bar-Mitz vahkkah which sounds delightful Seth is definitely one of a kind but how is this gonna work Kirsten: we raise a little money for the hospital, they throw in an arthiscopic surgery Julie: an there gonna go for that (Neil comes out of a door wearing a surgical mask and blue scrubs. he sees the backs of Julie and Kirsten) Neil: Julie Cooper (Kirsten and Julie look over) Julie: hi Dr. have we met Neil: (pulls down mask) well I certainly hope so your daughters living at my house (Kirsten smiles) Julie: oh Neil I didn't even recognise you Kirsten: hi Neil how are you Neil: I'm good Kirsten, busy Julie: well I should thank you again for letting Marissa live with you Neil: oh there's no need to thank me, I know how unnerving a remodel can be (Julie looks down) Kirsten: uh d'you know where the administrators office is (smiles) Neil: Dr. Sing, what'do you want with that crank Kirsten: we're throwing a little fundraiser for the hospital Neil: (smiles) he's definitely not the guy to see about a party, besides he's in the Bahamas Kirsten: (disappointed) you're kidding Neil: but maybe I can help you, I'm head of plastic surgery an I'm on the board (Kirsten and Julie look at each other suprised) Julie: well yes well it's called a Bar-Mitz vahkkah CUT TO: Cohen family room - the first thing we hear is the opening music of That's What Friends Are For and a close up of Seth's Bar Mitzvah on the TV. you can tell the footage is old. we see a few tables around the room, and a big white dance floor with two older couples dancing together. the shot changes to show that Seth is watching it, it's hard to describe his expression but it's clearly hard for him to watch, poor guy. on the screen we see Kirsten, Sandy and a Rabbi Sandy: id like to introduce you to my father in-law (points) an here's the Nana, my mother Nana: well hello (shakes Rabbis hand) Sandy: my father in-law Caleb Nichol (points) (the Rabbi shakes Caleb's hand but we don't see Caleb) Caleb: shalom (the camera moves around and stops on a young Seth sitting by himself at a table. he looks miserable. we then see Seth flinch at the image, poor guy. on the screen Kirsten and Sandy go over to him) Kirsten: hey Seth (crouches) d'you wanna dance sweetheart Seth: this song is called that's what friends are for, it's for your friends Sandy: well, we're your friends (touches Seth's leg) Seth: (upset) this is my funeral, not my Bar Mitzvah, no one showed up...an you said Summer Roberts was coming (rolls eyes) Kirsten: (rubs Seth's arm) she RSVP'ed (whispers to Sandy) an so did alotta kids Seth: I hate it here (closes eyes) (we see Seth still watching, he's sort of frowning) Seth: owww Sandy: what, what Kirsten: what's wrong honey Seth: my rapid palette expanders killing me Sandy: oooh (Seth screws up his face and touches his teeth. we hear a door open. Ryan comes in and Seth turns off the TV) Seth: hey, portnoi? how's it goin Ryan: uh gotta meet Marissa, I'm late lost track'a time Seth: that's the Torah for you right there, once you start unscrolling its (grins) really hard to stop Ryan: (looks at Seth) I'm a dead man tomorrow by the way Seth: yeah well listen, in all seriousness I think it's pretty great what your doin for Johnny considering everything Ryan: yeah, maybe it'll make me a saint Seth: Jews don't believe in saints (shakes head) just really good stand up comics (Ryan leaves and Seth turns the TV back on .we hear the YMCA music. Seth mouthes it and does the actions with his hands, lol) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The diner - Marissa is sitting in a booth by herself, the waitress walks over to her W: can I help you Marissa: hey I'm waiting for someone, it'll jus be a minute W: ok (walks away) (Marissa looks around and then notices Johnny standing by himself, through the window. she watches for a second and then walks over to the door, she watches for a second and then pokes her head around the corner so she can see better. we see what she is seeing which is Johnny and another guy, and Johnny hands over money. we see Johnny look around nervously and Marissa moves her head back behind the corner so he cant see her. Johnny walks away and then the guy follows after a few seconds. Marissa moves away from where she is standing - the next thing we see is Johnny standing on the beach by himself near the water. Marissa walks over to him) Marissa: hey, Johnny (Johnny looks over) are you ok Johnny: ...not really Marissa: hey look you're gonna get better Johnny: what if I don't (Marissa looks at him) my whole life I've dreamt of one thing, I was so close to makin that happen, it was gonna change my life Marissa: ...well that can still happen (we now see Ryan arriving at the diner. he walks in and sees the empty booth that Marissa was at, he looks around frowning and then leaves - we can now see Marissa and Johnny on the beach again) Johnny: I'm sorry I've been taking this out on you, I know I've made things weird (Marissa closes her eyes) but sometimes knowin that you're pullin for me...it's the only thing that keeps me goin Marissa: hey (touches Johnny's shoulder) we're gonna get through this, ok, we'll get through it together (Johnny looks at Marissa and then leans in to kiss her, Marissa turns her head away so they hug instead. Johnny closes his eyes. Marissa puts her hand on his back. Johnny looks frustrated with himself for what he did - we then see Ryan standing on the pier watching them hugging, he turns and walks away) CUT TO: Cohen backyard the next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house followed by Seth Seth: what'do you mean your not doin it Ryan: I mean I'm done helpin this kid Seth: why did something happen Ryan: no somethins gonna happen Seth: well cant it jus wait till after the holidays (Ryan and Seth are now inside) Ryan: no, it can't (looks at Seth) Johnny's in love with Marissa and she can't seem to get enough'a the guy Sandy: ooh, sounds like there's a low grade relationship issue brewing Seth: very high grade, its level five Sandy: what's the problem Ryan: no there is no problem (looks at Sandy) I'm jus not humiliating myself tonight (starts to leave) Sandy: (calls) what, your quitting (Ryan leaves) this is bad news (Seth shows his teeth and nods. Kirsten comes in) Kirsten: great news, so Neil Roberts cleared the fundraiser with the board, Julie an I talked to the Newpsies, we're all set for tonight (smiles) you were right (kisses Sandy) mm (Seth frowns) this is gonna be the best Chrismukkah ever (raises eyebrows) I gotta go set up (leaves) Seth: that was...remarkable timing by mom right there Sandy: oy humbug (looks at Seth worried) CUT TO: Summers backyard - Neil is standing next to a huge Christmas tree. Summer is near him and there are a heap of poinsettia pot plants sitting near the tree. Neil is hanging an ornament Neil: well sweetheart I have'ta say your mom taught you well (looks at Summer) she use'ta spend hours picking out a tree seeing how dry the pines were (Summer is now also at the tree) Summer: mm if it's dry say goodbye Neil: how much sap was on the bark Summer: sticky but critical Neil: an how the tree looked with all of your presents underneath it Summer: anything with presents for me looks good (Neil smiles) Summer: ...dad Neil: what baby Summer: ...why did mom leave (looks at Neil) (Neil looks at Summer and continues hanging ornaments) Summer: well...I mean I was only thirteen...years old Neil: (looks at Summer) your mom...well she jus didn't like it here with me I guess Summer: I remember when you told me the news...I think that was the worst day of my life Neil: I know an you were already upset with me cause I didn't let you go to Luke Wards birthday party Summer: (looks at Neil) really Neil: yeah you had already RSVP'ed to some other engagement Summer: (frowns)...(realises) oh my god (smiles) yeah Neil: not that it mattered, you didn't come outta your room for three days, when you found out you...cried (Summer sighs and picks up an ornament from the box. Neil goes over to her and touches her arms) Neil: but we've done ok Summer: yeah (sad smile) Neil: an your step mother she's very sweet on ya Summer: well that's because she's medicated (pouts then smiles) (Neil looks at her) I'm sorry...I jus miss mom sometimes Neil: I know (touches Summers chin) (softly) me too (Summer smiles) I've got rounds, I wont be long Summer: kay (as Neil leaves Seth comes through the door) Neil: Seth Seth: Dr. Roberts (to Summer) did you see that (points) that was a breakthrough moment for us (Summer looks at him sadly) everything ok Summer: (almost crying) yeah...jus the holidays can be hard you know Seth: yeah, can I help (Seth puts his arm around Summer which brings her head to his. Summer closes her eyes and Seth kisses her head. aww) Summer: you already have (we see a shot of them standing together. aww) CUT TO: The diner - we see Johnny walk in, he goes over and sits across from Marissa Marissa: hey, thanks for meeting me Johnny: (sits, sighs) of course, after last night, you really talked me off the ledge Marissa: yyeah (looks at Johnny) I kinda wanted ta talk about last night (Johnny looks at her) I jus feel weird about what happened Johnny: nothing happened Marissa: I mean well there was a definite (raises eyebrows) vibe Johnny: that I like you, it's not a vibe it's the truth (Marissa looks down) which I've already shared with you, unintentionally, but you still seem to wanna hang out Marissa: (raises eyebrows) I do, I jus...I-I wanna stay friends Johnny: (sighs) can we...start over Marissa: yeah, of course I jus...I mean I kinda need to know that everything's ok with you Johnny: my knees screwed up and I give off a vibe but other than that Marissa: (leans forward) I mean w-what were you doing last night, cause I saw you out here with this guy an Johnny: look I thought we jus made peace (Marissa looks at him) I told you I'm...taking care'a things Marissa: ...w...what'does that mean Johnny: it means...don't ask questions (looks at Marissa) you don't want answers to (Marissa looks down) lets jus leave it at that ok (Johnny leaves. Marissa watches him, she looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on the bed watching TV and we hear a knock. Sandy walks in Sandy: hey kid, mind turnin off the TV Ryan: I don't really feel like talking Sandy: oh that's good cause I do, you can listen (turns off TV) that's right (sits) its time for the big Sandy Cohen uplifting speech Ryan: look Sandy I've got my reasons Sandy: I'm sure you do (shrugs) jus like I had mine when I didn't want you to do this crazy thing Ryan: sorry to let you down Sandy: well it's not just me, there's also Kirsten...she has her heart set on it, an the hospital there all excited about it (Ryan looks away) an your friend Johnny who, whatever he's done, he could really use your help (nods) Ryan: he can still have the event jus...do it without me Sandy: oh that'd be missing the point (stands) the whole thing about a Bar Mitzvah is, its about becoming a man, not that you aren't one already but, if there were ever a time for an adult moment, this is it (Ryan looks down) whatever's goin on, set it aside until after tonight Ryan: id really be swallowing my pride Sandy: I'm not sayin it tastes good, but (shrugs, raises eyebrows) Ryan: you gotta do the right thing, yeah feels like I do that alot Sandy: that's cause Ryan Atwood...your a mensch (Ryan looks at him) an after tonight I'm gonna tell you what that means (smiles) (Ryan looks at him and then looks away almost smiling) CUT TO: Julies trailer - Julie is standing in front of an average tree decorating it, she bends over to do something and her bright red g-string is sitting above her jeans. she goes back over to the tree and turns the lights on, just as they light up the power goes out Julie: (frustrated, stomps foot) Gus! damnit (Julie walks over to the door and just as she goes to leave Kirsten opens it) Kirsten: oh Julie: oh Kirsten: Julie, what're you doing, we're suppose'ta be setting up Julie: yeah, right well you know I jus...felt like telling overdressed oversexed Newpsies how to hang streamers wasn't gonna make me feel any better Kirsten: an I thought we were doing this for charity Julie: well of course...its just I feel like the Newpsies won't get me anymore its not like I can have them over for poptarts an cockfights Kirsten: you're avoiding Marissa aren't you Julie: (looks at Kirsten) I had no problem keeping other secrets from her Kirsten: Julie tell her the truth, she's your daughter it's the holidays (Julie looks at her) you should be together Julie: ...your right...ill go over there this evening an do it (Kirsten smiles and leaves, Julie shuts the door and looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Marissa has the exact same expression as Julie did, she is sitting on the edge of the chair staring blankly. Ryan comes out of the bathroom and Marissa looks over. he looks soooo nice! all suited up with slicked back hair Marissa: (stands) I haven't heard from you all day Ryan: been studying, big night tonight Marissa: well I thought we were gonna have dinner last night Ryan: eh, alot of Old Testament to cover Marissa: (nods) well, I haven't heard you use that one before (Ryan doesn't look up) an it's probably good anyway Ryan: hows that good Marissa: because if you had shown up you might've seen me an Johnny an it (Ryan looks over) might've seemed like something it wasn't (Ryan looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at him) Ryan: ...I saw you guys (Marissa nods) I have a bad habit of showing up at the wrong time (moves closer to Marissa) Marissa: yeah well nothing happened, I promise (raises eyebrows) we were jus talking Ryan: (sighs, sits on the bed) looked like more than that (looks at Marissa) Marissa: he's in bad shape...I'm worried about him Ryan: well I'm startin to be to I (looks down, then at Marissa) what is this thing you have Marissa: what thing Ryan: always helpin these kinds'a guys (Marissa crouches in front of Ryan so their heads are level) Marissa: (smiles) what, the wounded loner types, sometimes they turn out to be good guys (looks at Ryan) I don't have feelings for Johnny, I'm just worried about him (stands, sighs) ...I think he might be up to something dangerous Ryan: (half laughs) Johnny doesn't seem like the dangerous type Marissa: yeah well (raises eyebrows) he's scared (Ryan looks at her) an desperate Ryan: what'do you think it is Marissa: I don't know, I mean dealing drugs (shrugs) we're jus so close to helping him (Ryan frowns, Marissa looks at him worried, Ryan sighs) Ryan: alright, alright well ill talk to him (stands) and uh...ill see you tonight (Marissa nods and Ryan leaves) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan walks into the living room and Johnny's mom follows. Ryan: so uh how's Johnny doin J's mom: (puts hands out) you know, first his girlfriend then the accident, I jus don't know what he would do without all you guys Ryan: well that's what friends are for right (points, softly) it's in there J's mom: yeah his rooms just down the hall Ryan: thanks J's mom: ok (Ryan walks towards the hall) Ryan: (calls) Johnny, hey man Johnny: (off screen) Ryan, hey uh ill jus be a minute (we can hear water running from the shower) Ryan: yeah...(softly to himself) take your time (Ryan goes into Johnny's room and looks around. he opens a cupboard door looks and then closes it, he then opens a drawer looks, closes it and then another one. he looks around again and notices an open backpack, he moves some books forward and lifts up a brown paper bag, there are what look like skateboard wheels inside. Ryan puts the bag down and stands just as Johnny comes out of the bathroom, drying his hair) Johnny: hey man Ryan: (smiles) hey, sorry to show up unannounced Johnny: um, no problem, is everything cool Ryan: yeah, yeah yeah I actually I'm jus trying to uh (looks at Johnny) tryin'a get you to come to this party Johnny: it's not still for me right Ryan: no no no, no we found a different cause I'm um...I'm getting Bar Mitzvah'ed (Johnny looks at him confused) you'd have'ta know Seth better Johnny: well um thanks for the invite man but I got some stuff to do so Ryan: it'll be fun, you could use some fun Johnny: yeah (laughs) um I really can't Ryan: (a tad pushy) sure you can (smiles) (Johnny looks at him) everyone wants to see you, whatever your doin it can wait right (Johnny looks at Ryan, Ryan, looks at him not letting up) Johnny: um...ok uh well I jus gotta get ready, ill be five minutes Ryan: great (Johnny nods) I'm gonna embarrass myself in front of alotta people (starts to leave) Johnny: hey man (Ryan looks) thanks Ryan: yeah (nods) (Johnny shuts the door and sits on his bed, he moves his backpack and behind it is another bag from which he pulls out a gun. he sits it in his hand and looks at it, then looks up and we see his profile) CUT TO: Ryan's Bar-Mitz vahkkah - we see a huge photo of little Ryan in a red baseball uniform, he's wearing a red hat with D on it. surrounding the photo is this white border that you can sign, there are a heap of signatures already and Seth is signing it. the camera zooms out to show that Summer is standing with him Seth: look at all them signatures, attendance is amazing Summer: so Cohen no one came to you're Bar Mitzvah (pouts) Seth: uh not no one (shakes head) the Nana came uhhh Rabbi Guttermen swung by after the ceremony so Summer: (looks at Seth sadly) that is so sad Seth: well apparently me in the yamaka was not as enticing a draw as Luke in camo pants (Sandy comes over) Sandy: hey (we now see that Marissa Ryan and Johnny are also there, just standing a little away from Seth and Summer) Sandy: the photographer has summoned us for our family photos, and Ryan our orthodontist (points) has offered to take your braces off for the big day (Ryan frowns) Seth: oh couldnt'a done that for me (Seth, Summer, Johnny, Marissa and Ryan start walking over. Ryan grabs Marissa's arm to hold her back. he looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at him smiles and then keeps walking. Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: don't let him outta your sight ok Marissa: (raises eyebrows) your ok with that Ryan: yeah, well, until I can figure out what he's up to (Marissa and Ryan keep walking) CUT TO: The Roberts front door - Julie rings the doorbell, Neil answers the door Neil: Julie (smiles) look at you, whoa Julie: (smiles) uh I hope I'm not disturbing you Neil: come on in (motions) Julie: thankyou (goes in) I haven't been here in so many years I forgot how majestic your home is Neil: (shuts door) well luckily there are alot of...aging vain people in this town Julie: (smiles) is Marissa here, I was hoping ta catch up with her Neil: no she already left for the event Julie: oh, well, just as well I suppose (sad smile) Neil: would you like a drink (Julie smiles) (the next thing we see is Julie and Neil outside at the bar. Neil is making the drinks and Julie is sitting at the bar) Neil: well I think Marissa's a great girl, she's very good for Summer, gives her an ally in the house when I'm working Julie: well, Marissa wasn't a fan of my remarriage either, but hopefully ill have her out of your hair soon, remodels almost finished (Neil looks at Julie, Julie looks at him. Neil pours the drinks) Neil: little white lies we tell our kids Julie: excuse me Neil: well I've been telling Summer that everything's great also, truth is I'm looking down the barrel of divorce number two (looks at Julie) Julie: oh, Neil I'm so sorry Neil: oh don't be, the way my wife self medicates she could be a pharmacist...ben miserable for years Julie: I live in a trailer park (Neil looks at her) (smiles) if only I could say that to Marissa Neil: sometimes its ok to keep our kids out of harms way Julie: I jus feel terrible lying to her, we've come so far Neil: you're remodeling your life, its all about how you slice it Julie: yes well, you are the surgeon (Neil raises his eyebrows) (Julie and Neil clink glasses) Julie: d'you have any interest in a party (Neil drinks and looks at Julie) CUT TO: Ryan's Bar-Mitz vahkkah - we see the flash from a camera and Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Ryan standing together. there is a photographer in front of them. we then see Marissa and Johnny standing nearby. Marissa hugs a woman Marissa: its nice to see you again (smiles) (Ryan looks over in the direction of Marissa and Johnny) Photographer: uh Ryan (motions with finger) over here please, everybody eyes right to the lens (everyone smiles, and yes Seth looks uncomfortable, lol. the photographer takes another photo) Photographer: terrific Summer: (to a couple) let me show you to your seats (to Marissa) I was born to usher (touches Marissa as she walks by) Sandy: Marissa (Marissa looks) come, join us (motions) your practically family Seth: I think technically she is (Marissa smiles and stands next to Ryan. Ryan puts his arm around her waist) Photographer: over here everybody, one two (takes photo) (Johnny starts moving away from everyone) Photographer: great lets jus have one with the Bar Mitzvah boy Ryan: (sarcastically) yay Marissa: ill be right back (Marissa notices that Johnny isn't where he was and looks through the crowd for him, she looks worried - the next thing we see is the mic being put on the stand on stage. Sandy, Seth and Ryan are standing on the side of the stage. Sandy points at Ryan and mouths something. Ryan takes out his speech and Sandy goes over to the mic) Sandy: (into mic) how are you good people'a Newport Beach (everyone claps) welcome to the first and quite possibly the very last Chrismukkah Bar-Mitz vahkkah (Marissa pokes her head through the curtain and goes over to Ryan) Sandy: (off screen) a charity event for the Hoag hospital, this is an honorary... Marissa: (frowns) Johnny's gone Ryan: what Marissa: yeah, I lost him I don't know how but he can't be far Ryan: uh ok, alright uh ill be right back Marissa: ok (Ryan leaves and Seth looks over at Sandy on the stage) Sandy: (off screen) ...fundraiser, I hope you find it entertaining an enlightening, an if not we've thrown in a big party for good measure, now the young man who'll soon become a real man is Ryan Atwood, I'm sure some of you have heard of him, but none of you have seen him like this, lets hear it for Ryan Atwood (everyone claps) Marissa: (to Seth) go Seth: no Marissa: (raises eyebrows) do something, you gotta Seth: no, I am not reliving this once was horrible enough (Sandy claps and looks at Marissa and Seth standing there) Marissa: ok, come on, stop, please (the camera goes from Sandy clapping to Seth reluctantly walking on stage, Kirsten looks suprised. Sandy stops clapping and looks at Seth) Seth: (taps mic) Seth Cohen hello (moves stand closer to Sandy) uhhh Ryan...forgot his glasses so he's going to be right back (during Seth's speech Summer pokes her head through the curtain. Marissa looks at her. Summer looks at Marissa with a "what's going on" expression. Summer stands next to Marissa and Marissa looks worried. they both look at Seth and Sandy, Marissa frowns) Sandy: Ryan doesn't wear glasses Seth: he does when he's reading from right to left (the next thing we see is Ryan out the front of the club coming down the stairs just as Johnny drives off. Ryan runs to the range rover and gets in - we now see Seth on stage again) Seth: an so that is how I came up...with Chrismukkah, because you cant have Chris...without a little mukkah (claps) huh (no one reacts) who here (points) is familiar with the story...of Chanukah (a woman frowns) no, red sea pedestrians, ok, well today is your lucky day because Summer Roberts (motions) will you please join me on stage (camera shows no that one came out) Summer Roberts (holds open hand out) (Summer shakes her head at Seth. Marissa looks at Summer and elbows her as if to say "go" Kirsten looks confused) Seth: Summer, can I welcome you to the stage, please (Summer looks at Marissa, grabs her arm and heads towards the stage reluctantly) Marissa: (suprised) owww (we see Summer come out on the stage reluctantly, holding Marissa's hand so she goes with her, lol. they both smile) Seth: she is gonna be portraying the part of the Judah Maccabi (points) an Marissa Cooper will be portraying the miraculous oil (Summer lets go of Marissa's hand and puts her arm around her back) oo I hope I didn't give away the ending (Marissa and Summer look at each other) CUT TO: The road - we see Johnny's car go through an orange light and turn the corner. Ryan is sitting after the car after Johnny's and moves into the left lane to follow Johnny around the corner. the light changes from orange to red so Ryan has to stop, from there though he sees Johnny park at RockView mini mart across the road. Johnny gets out and we see that Ryan is still watching him. we then see Johnny put the gun behind his back and tuck it into the waist of his pants, underneath his jacket. Ryan looks worried - we then see the worker at the mini mart start to lock up just as Johnny goes in, it's empty except for one woman who puts her things on the counter to be served. Johnny is standing behind a shelf as if hes browsing Worker: we're closin up (the worker goes back behind the counter and turns off a light so the section that Johnny is standing in is now a little darker. Johnny looks around almost nervously. the worker rings up the woman's purchase and looks over at Johnny, Johnny looks down. the worker looks at Johnny suspiciously then hands the woman her change. Johnny walks a little bit and then looks over at the worker again. the worker stares back at Johnny so he looks away and walks a bit more. Johnny looks over at the worker again who is still looking at him. the worker takes his keys off a hook and Johnny looks away. the worker looks at Johnny and then slowly reaches down, we see what he is touching which is of course his own gun. Johnny again looks at the worker and the worker looks at him. Johnny reaches for his gun and starts to walk over to the counter when Ryan comes in the door) Ryan: hey man (the worker look	Plan: A: a holiday plan; Q: What does Seth have? A: Ryan; Q: Who is the honorary bar mitzvah for? A: the funds; Q: What will Seth donate to Johnny's surgery? A: Julie + Summer's; Q: Who's dad is Seth trying to find out about? Summary: Seth's a man with a holiday plan: Hold an honorary bar mitzvah for Ryan and donate the funds to Johnny's surgery. Now try to convince Ryan to do it... and persuade Johnny to accept it. Also: Julie + Summer's dad? Stay tuned!
(Sydney is sleeping on the floor of the cabin, naked. Someone covers her mouth with their hand and she wakes up, gasping.) NOAH: (whispers) They found us. We got to go. (Outside, Khasinau's men run up, cocking their guns. They inch closer to the porch and then storm in. They shoot everywhere with their rifles just as Sydney and Noah escape through the trapdoor hidden in the floorboards. They come up in a barn next to the house with the case. They find a motorcycle hidden and put on their helmets.) SYDNEY: Skyhook, this is White Rabbit. AGENT: Copy, White Rabbit. SYDNEY: Change of plans. Tell me you can get us out of here thirty minutes early. AGENT: Affirmative. (They jump on the motorcycle as one of Khasinau's men creeps in the barn. The door creaks. Sydney turns on the headlight in the man's eyes. They shoot him and drive away. Khasinau's men try to shoot at them, but Sydney bends her head down and Noah shoots at them in return. Khasinau's men jump in a Hummer to follow them.) SYDNEY: Skyhook, we are being pursued! We're not going to make it to the meeting point! We need extraction here! Now! AGENT: Copy that. We're locked on your signal. Prepare for extraction. Skyhook, wilco. Turning final approach from the south. NOAH: Syd, we got a hostile, six o'clock! AGENT: Reverse course 1-8-0 degrees for recovering in ten... SYDNEY: Noah, hold on! (Sydney makes a 180 turn on the bike and starts approaching Khasinau's men now in order to make the extraction.) AGENT: Nine... eight... SYDNEY: Drive for me! NOAH: This is suicide! AGENT: Seven...six... (He shoots at them while she climbs over him to the back. Noah's now driving while Sydney attaches something to the back.) AGENT: Five... (Men shoot at them.) AGENT: Four... SYDNEY: I'm pulling the cord! AGENT: Three... (Sydney pulls a cord and a parachute-like object flies up, up, up and attaches to the wing of the extraction plane in the sky above.) AGENT: Two... one. SYDNEY: Hold on! (Sydney and Noah hug as they are pulled from the bike and hang from a cord attached to the parachute-like object which is attached to the plane. Sydney and Noah fly through the air. Down below, the bike keeps going and smashes head-on with the Hummer. The bike and the Hummer explodes.) (Back in Los Angeles at the self-storage facility, Vaughn and Sydney meet.) VAUGHN: The CIA has a new lead on Khasinau. Apparently, K-Directorate is looking for revenge, too. We received intel last night that they've hired a fairly prestigious freelance assassin to find Khasinau and dismember him. The Snowman is his code name. Are you familiar with him? SYDNEY: The Snowman. VAUGHN: He's been on the CIA's most wanted list for the last twelve years, presumed dead since '97, but it seems we're not so lucky. I'm looking for contacts. I'm thinking that maybe we can find Khasinau by following The Snowman. I just want to make sure that you get to Khasinau first. I know how important this is to you. SYDNEY: Thank you. (He nods. She walks away to leave. Vaughn rubs his head wearily, working up the courage.) VAUGHN: Hey, um, so the, uh, the operation went all right in Arkhangelsk with Noah? SYDNEY: (smiles) Yeah. VAUGHN: Good. (She waves a little and leaves. Vaughn looks heartbroken, but silently watches her go.) (Francie and Sydney's house. Will and Francie drink some beer in the kitchen.) WILL: Are you sure she's coming back tonight? FRANCIE: That's what she said on the machine. She was at the airport in San Francisco waiting for a plane. WILL: So, what, are we going to strategize this? FRANCIE: Strategize how? WILL: I want to be gentle with her because we're accusing Sydney of lying. FRANCIE: You know what? I was thinking, what if she wants us to ask her? WILL: Like she wanted you to find the plane ticket because it's some sort of cry for help or something? FRANCIE: Well, maybe-- (Sydney comes in.) SYDNEY: Hey, guys. FRANCIE: Hi. WILL: Hey. FRANCIE: So, how was San Francisco? SYDNEY: Two days of due diligence. If I never see another financial statement, it'll be fine with me. (Francie looks at Will.) SYDNEY: I'm just going to crash if you don't mind. FRANCIE: No. WILL: Of course not. SYDNEY: Okay. Hi. FRANCIE: Hi. WILL: Hey. (Sydney goes to her room.) FRANCIE: I can't believe you didn't say anything! WILL: That's why I wanted to strategize! (Sydney and Noah enter the elevator to go up to SD-6.) NOAH: Syd, you think I'm kidding? I'm not kidding. I want you to go away with me. SYDNEY: My point is, what happened the other night... it was just too soon. NOAH: Russia's got a hell of a bootleg software industry. When I was there, I figured out a way of skimming money off the Russian mob. SYDNEY: What are you talking about? NOAH: I got a lot of money hidden in several offshore accounts. Syd, I'm getting out. I'm sick of lying to everyone I know. I'm at the point where the idea of just walking away from all these people that are supposed to be my good friends - my best friends - is a relief. Now you tell me you've never felt that way. (They enter the white room for clearance.) NOAH: I'm just saying that I've got someone helping me out. I'm not kidding, Syd. I want you to come with me. (The room flashes red.) NOAH: I can't tell you where, but I can tell you that we won't need locks on the doors and you will learn how to surf. SYDNEY: You know I can't do that. (They walk inside.) NOAH: Why? SYDNEY: Well, for about a million reasons. NOAH: I highly doubt there are a million reasons. There might be fifty, and I'd like the opportunity to refute all of them. SYDNEY: One of the biggest reasons that comes to mind is my mother. Khasinau was her superior. My mother was a spy for the KGB and those files that we recovered may help me find her. I'm not going anywhere until I know where she is. NOAH: What if I wait? Will you ever do it? (Sydney smiles.) (Sloane's office. An agent approaches the desk.) AGENT: Sir, as you requested, we followed up on Agent Noah Hicks. (They slide a file across the desk. Sloane looks through it.) SLOANE: Is Hicks in the building? AGENT: Yes, sir. He arrived twelve minutes ago. SLOANE: Tell McCullough that I need to see him and don't let Hicks leave. (Jack's office. Jack types on a computer when Sydney walks in and closes the door behind her.) SYDNEY: Dad? JACK: Sydney. SYDNEY: Last time we spoke, you said that you were going to talk to someone. JACK: I did. Thank you. I took care of it. SYDNEY: Marshall said he unlocked Khasinau's computer core. JACK: If I'd been consulted about your last operation, I wouldn't have allowed it. Those types of computers are primarily used for theoretical analyses, war games. Of the recovered files, none bear relevance to Khasinau's operation, his plans, or his cache of Rambaldi artifacts. Nor do they give any hint of his whereabouts. SYDNEY: But when I was there, I saw that there were some files on Mom. JACK: Yes, I know. Also recovered on the core were some equally unhelpful archival files. In the case of your mother, video footage. SYDNEY: Was she in the video? JACK: Yes. SYDNEY: I mean, after the accident? They show her alive after the accident? JACK: Yes. I have no interest in watching the video myself. Analysis is reviewing it. So far, there's nothing to help in the hunt for Khasinau, so the risk was all for nothing. (Noah and Dixon are working across from one another on their respective computers. Noah looks up.) NOAH: Hey, Dixon. DIXON: Hmm? NOAH: I just keep trying to think of some kind of opening line. You know, something to start off with to talk to you. DIXON: Noah, I'll be straight with you. I don't trust you. Which wouldn't be such a problem, except that I'm an intelligence officer and if you stick around, sooner or later, my life is going to be in your hands and yours in mine. And in that scenario, the only person truly safe will be you. (Two agents walk up to Noah.) AGENT1: Mr. Hicks, would you come with us, please? NOAH: Is there a problem? AGENT1: Mr. Sloane asked for you to come with us. NOAH: (to Dixon) Well, that's never a good thing. Excuse me. (He leaves with the two agents. Dixon watches them go, kind of surprised that he might be right.) (Interrogation room. Yet again, Noah has censors on his head and McCullough is testing him.) MCCULLOUGH: And on March sixteenth of this year, you opened an account with Bank Africana. NOAH: Yes, sir. MCCULLOUGH: Explain. NOAH: Well, it was exactly like the account we were just talking about. It was opened under an alias as part of an SVR operation. Mr. McCullough, I was working undercover and I was required to do a whole bunch of things which probably seem very suspcious when viewed from the outside. MCCULLOUGH: Forty-seven million dollars was transferred, then withdrawn, within twenty-four hours. NOAH: Yes. MCCULLOUGH: To an untraceable account. Who was the recepient of that money? NOAH: I don't know. (McCullough watches the meter with a slightly raised eyebrow.) NOAH: You don't seem real thrilled with these responses. MCCULLOUGH: Have you ever conducted business with the GL Bank of Austria? NOAH: Yes. (In Sloane's office, he watches the interrogation as the doctor who almost injected Sydney when she was captured as the mole way back when stands nearby.) MCCULLOUGH: (on video) Please provide details. (Sloane gestures to Noah answering on the video.) SLOANE: This man is hiding something. I'm curious to know what it is. DOCTOR: Would you like me to have a word with him? (In a room, Sydney watches the video footage of her mother on a laptop. Her mother sits at a table across from two men who have their backs to the camera. One of them is Khasinau.) KHASINAU: (speaking Russian) LAURA: My Russian or American name? KHASINAU: Uh, why not both? LAURA: Irina Derevko and Laura Bristow. KHASINAU: When were you recruited for special duties? LAURA: In 1970, I was recruited to the KGB by you, Alexander Khasinau. KHASINAU: Describe the objective of your operation. LAURA: Phase one: I was to pose as an American, a student of literature. Phase two: I was to make the acquaintance of a particular officer in the Central Intellgence Agency, to insinuate myself in his life, to become his confidant, earn his trust. KHASINAU: (speaks Russian) Please state the officer by name. LAURA: Officer Jonathan Donahue Bristow. KHASINAU: Phase three? LAURA: Phase three: I was to begin to acquire through various means, details of the CIA operation to which Bristow was assigned - Project Christmas. KHASINAU: You have no reason to believe that anyone else was suspicious of you? LAURA: Nyet. (The other man turns around to see someone behind the camera. Sydney, crying from what her mother has said, pauses the video on the man's face. She recognizes him.) (At the CIA, Vaughn walks up to Weiss who is sitting at a desk. Vaughn tosses him his keys.) VAUGHN: Hey. WEISS: Hey. VAUGHN: I need you to feed Donovan. WEISS: Who? VAUGHN: What do you mean, who? My dog Donovan. Come here. (They go in Vaughn's office.) WEISS: Oh, right. Hey, wait. Which key is to the front--where are you going? VAUGHN: That's the top lock, that's the bottom lock. I'm going to Bogota. Give him a can of the dog food that's on the floor of the cupboard and half a can of the dry stuff. WEISS: What's in Bogota? VAUGHN: But only a half of a can. There's a bag of the dry stuff next to the can stuff. WEISS: Right. What the hell is in Bogota? VAUGHN: I just got off the phone with the Interpol liason officer. Eight years ago, a guy named Kishell was attacked by The Snowman. Punctured heart, collapsed lung, he lost an eye-- WEISS: Okay, I got it. It was bad. VAUGHN: This guy, Kishell, used to work with Snowman. WEISS: Really? VAUGHN: Who we know is after Khasinau. WEISS: Right. So, we get Kishell, we get to The Snowman, we can get Khasinau. VAUGHN: Exactly. Half a can only. I don't want to come back to a fat dog. WEISS: All right. (The picture of the man in the video footage.) SYDNEY: (voice over) There were two men in Mom's video. One was Khasinau, the other one... I recognized him. (Flashback: Sydney yanks down the hat box in her bedroom and rifles through it. She takes out the article about the accident and looks at the picture of the man.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I knew I'd seen his face before. It was the man from the article. The FBI agent who supposedly died in the accident with Mom. (A computer searches for recognition of the picture from the article, slowly deciphering another picture of the man. It comes up with the FBI agent's real name underneath it.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Calder's real name is Igor Sergei Velanko. The man who was pursuing Mom. The FBI spy hunter. (Cut to Sydney and Jack standing outside, talking.) SYDNEY: Dad, he was KGB. It wasn't just Mom's death they faked. It was Calder's, too. If we can get to Calder, maybe we can find Khasinau. JACK: You're assuming Calder and Khasinau still have ties. SYDNEY: But we know that Khasinau recently liquidated over two hundred million dollars in assets. On that memo were initials I.S.V. Also, six months ago, a man matching Calder's description was caught on an SD-4 surveillance camera entering a financial office in Cape Town. A known money-laundering operation. I'm going to suggest to Sloane that we get to the Cape Town office, seize their records and find Calder. Noah spent years undercover in South Africa. He'll be an asset. JACK: SD-6 has run an additional profile on Noah. There were anomalies, including recent bank activity which suggested he may have ties to K-Directorate. Noah's been taken into custody by security section. SYDNEY: What?! No, that's--wait, I know what that's about. It has nothing to do with another agency! JACK: Sydney, you have no perspective on who that man is! You're as lost now as I was years ago! SYDNEY: Wait, Dad, you don't know him! JACK: And you don't know him either! That's the lesson in all this! SYDNEY: Dad, Noah Hicks is not a perfect man, but he is also not a traitor. He's a loyal officer who believes that he is working for the CIA and has no idea that SD-6... that they would kill him if they thought he was a double agent. Please, Dad, talk to Sloane. (In Bogota, Vaughn sits in Kishell's house. Kishell serves him tea. His face is very scarred and he stands in the darkness to hide it.) KISHELL: I never actually met The Snowman. He always contacted me by telephone. His name - The Snowman - it comes from his method. He prefers an icepick. But he uses knives, too. I helped arrange travel across difficult borders. It was my specialty. One operation, he was ambushed, attacked. He fought off and killed eight men that night. He thought it was me, thought I tipped someone off. That was when he came after me. He came to this house. He attacked me while I slept. Killing is his job. He likes his job. VAUGHN: Mr. Kishell, I appreciate you talking to me. I know this must be very difficult. KISHELL: I know difficult. Talk is easy. VAUGHN: I know the CIA has spoken to you before, years ago, but we recently learned that an organization has hired The Snowman for a job. Now, I read the transcripts. Last time you said you had no leads. I was hoping maybe that this time you had some. KISHELL: You have come too far to go home with nothing. For years I was afraid to do anything, to seek revenge. But enough time has passed, Mr. Vaughn. (A bookcase moves to reveal a fake wall. Inside is a separate room. Kishell goes in there.) KISHELL: I have no more fear. Yes, I have some leads. VAUGHN: And you'd be willing to share them? KISHELL: I will contact them myself, see if I can find out where The Snowman is, what his plans are. VAUGHN: I'd appreciate that. KISHELL: You must promise me one thing. That when you find him, he will suffer, too. (In his office, Sloane talks to his wife on the phone.) SLOANE: Oh, come on, sweetheart. You're in pain. He can get you a stronger--okay. Yeah. Yeah. Just--right. Just promise me that you'll call me after you talk to him, okay? Good. Okay. Me, too. Bye. (He hangs up just as Jack enters.) JACK: I need a minute. SLOANE: Yeah. JACK: This is about Noah Hicks. SLOANE: There's something he's not telling us. I think he might have been turned. JACK: If you have Hicks killed, I think you'd be throwing away an asset. SLOANE: How so? JACK: You want Khasinau. You're closer than you think. Were you aware that Calder, FBI, was working with the KGB since 1973? Sydney's designed an operation that will lead us to Calder, wat which point, we'll be one step away from Khasinau. SLOANE: And she wants Mr. Hicks involved. This is becoming familiar, Jack. Your coming to me, requesting special consideration for the men in Sydney's life. JACK: Tippin didn't turn out to be a problem, did he? SLOANE: Sydney wasn't intimate with Tippin. She is with Hicks. JACK: I'm not sure that's my business, and I know it isn't yours. (Sydney walks in the main room and makes eye contact with Jack, who is standing across the room, speaking on the phone. She raises her eyebrows. He looks over to Marshall's office. Sydney looks. Marshall and Noah are standing in the office, laughing at something. Sydney smiles and looks at Jack, thanking him. She walks to the office. Jack watches her intently, watches her go into Marshall's office. He watches her stand close to Noah, looking worried. In the conference room Sloane gives Noah and Sydney the folders with their new identifications. Jack looks sad.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Sydney walks down a street.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Sloane accepted the mission I proposed. Noah and I are going to Cape Town. Calder's done some business at a financial office there. (She throws the paper bag in a garbage can.) SYDNEY: (voice over) We're going to break into that office, get their records and hopefully find out where Calder is. What's my counter mission? (Self-storage. Vaughn isn't happy.) VAUGHN: There shouldn't be a counter mission! When you realized that Calder was really KGB, you should've come to me! SYDNEY: Did you just think that this was an accident, that I just wasn't thinking? VAUGHN: I don't know what the hell you were thinking! SYDNEY: I was thinking about the thirty-six hours the FBI kept me in chains! If I turned over the Calder information to you, you would be required, unless you want to break federal law, to forward it to the FBI and we both know what they would do! VAUGHN: Classify it. SYDNEY: Omega seventeen. We wouldn't be allowed anywhere near that investigation. VAUGHN: I was supposed to give you this. (He hands her a lipstick.) VAUGHN: Tell you to write down what information you recover from Calder, stick it in the waterproof chamber, activate the beacon, and throw it in the trash can. And we'll retrieve it. But I'm guessing you're not going to use it. SYDNEY: Vaughn, I promise you Khasinau will not walk and I won't let SD-6 get to him first. But I refuse to let the FBI get in my way again. (Cape Town. Two guards stand outside the building. Noah shoots one, then the other.) SYDNEY: Nice shot. NOAH: Thanks. Easier to shoot tranqs. No anxiety of killing somebody. (Flashback to Marshall's office, when Sydney and Noah were in there.) MARSHALL: The floor around the server room is alarmed with highly sensitive motion detectors. SYDNEY: So we stay off the floor. MARSHALL: Well, of course, but it also has audio sensors that can detect any sound above 0.05DBs. In other words, this right here... (He turns on a nearby stereo and plays music really softly.) MARSHALL: 2DBs. 0.05DBs is closer to, like, a sound of a cockroach rubbing his legs together. You know... (makes squeaking noise) reeeeer, reeeeeer-- NOAH: Okay, so what do we do? MARSHALL: Well, active noise control. (He points to a band around his arm with a button on it.) MARSHALL: It emits an out of phase audio signal that cancels out any sound within a two hundred foot radius. Check it out. (He turns up the stereo really loudly.) MARSHALL: That is REALLY LOUD! (He hits the button on the arm band, and there's no audio. Sydney and Noah are mouthing "Wow!" Marshall turns up the stereo even more, which we don't hear, and Sydney and Noah are impressed yet again. Marshall flicks the button on the arm band again, and the loud music resumes. Sydney and Noah wince. Marshall scrambles to shut it off. In the hanger in Cape Town, Sydney hits the switch ont he arm band, cancelling any audio. Noah and Sydney sink down and land on a catwalk hanging high above the server. They take out their equipment, which includes some rope. Noah shoots a gun across the way so Sydney has a way to scale across the room high above [think Batman]. She starts scaling the rope to get across. She lands over there. Noah gives her some rope to lower herself. She moves inbetween some beams and is lowered with Noah's help. He ties the rope to the part of the catwalk. Flashback to Marshall again.) MARSHALL: The server case is alarmed, so don't let anything touch it. You're going to want to get a wireless modem within three inches of the server. (Sydney flips around and gets out the modem. Noah gets out a laptop. Flashback.) MARSHALL: Now, Mr. Hicks, you'll hack into the server and then download all the data into your laptop. Am I boring you? (Sydnye hangs the wireless remote. He downloads the files. Behind him, the rope is loosening. Sydney drops a little, her eyes getting wide. She screams out for Noah, but because the audio has been canceled, he can't hear her. He keeps downloading the files, oblivious, as the rope slips some more and Sydney is lowered even more. She screams out his name. She's getting even closer. The files finish downloading just as the rope lets go. Noah jumps and catchs it, but he's straining to reattach it. Sydney starts climbing up the rope while Noah hangs on to the end of it. She gets to the top. Now that he has some slack on the rope, he reties it. She nods. He nods.) (In a room at SD-6, Jack watches the video of his wife, but he watches what Sydney didn't, once she recognized Calder.) KHASINAU: You have no reason to believe that anyone else became suspicious of you? LAURA: Nyet. Of course I would've told you. KHASINAU: (speaks Russian) Uh, how did you acquire your intel? LAURA: Every night for ten years I went through his briefcase. I eavesdropped on all of his private conversations. I planted listening devices on his clothing. He was blinded by his emotions. He knew nothing. I can tell you one thing: Jack Bristow was a fool. (Having heard enough, Jack shuts it off.) (In the CIA, Jack turns a corner and sees Dr. Barnett talking to two agents down the hall. He stops, chickens out, and goes back. But then Dr. Barnett finishes talking to them and walks toward him down the hall.) JACK: Dr. Barnett. BARNETT: Mr. Bristow. JACK: Yes. I was, um, I was... wondering if you might have some time this afternoon. BARNETT: I'll make some time. (Francie and Sydney's. Francie and Will sit on the sofa playing a video game. Sydney walks in.) FRANCIE: Hey, I didn't pick that play! WILL: No, the computer picked it for you. You didn't do it. FRANCIE: Yeah, but, no. But I don't--reset it! WILL: Touchdown! FRANCIE: You cheated! WILL: Score! FRANCIE: Dude! WILL: SCORE! SYDNEY: Hey, guys. WILL: Hey. SYDNEY: What is going on? (They turn and look at her. Uncomfortable.) SYDNEY: Why are you looking at me like that? Did you guys break something of mine? FRANCIE: No. It's, uh... I found this in the pocket of your jacket last week. You said you were in Seattle. (She gives Sydney the plane ticket. Sydney stares at it.) WILL: Syd, you can tell us if it's none of our business but... we just care about you, that's all. (She comes around and sits down in front of them.) SYDNEY: This is serious. WILL: Yeah. SYDNEY: Um... okay. I've signed, like, a dozen non-disclosure agreements, so this is just between us. WILL: Of course. SYDNEY: Six months ago, my job at the bank changed. We have a handful of clients, most of them are international, who don't want thier business to go through the postal service. They don't want a paper trail. So, I fly to them as the bank's reprsentative. I'm so sorry I had to keep this from you guys, I just had no choice. FRANCIE: Is that legal? SYDNEY: Oh, yeah, it's totally legit. It's just... it's just secret. (Will and Francie laugh a little.) WILL: Francie thought you were having an affair. FRANCIE: No, I didn't! WILL: Yes, you did! FRANCIE: I just said that if you were having an affair, I would know about it. SYDNEY: Well, this is all there is. So, I'm going to go change and then I'm going to kick your ass at that game. WILL: Oh, bring it on. Seriously. I am so bored playing with Francie, it's rid-- (She whacks him across the back of the head.) (Sydney walks to the bathroom and sits down on the edge of the tub. She maybe thinks that leaving could be a good thing because lying to her friends is getting harder.) (Next day. Sydney enters Marshall's office.) SYDNEY: Hey, Marshall. MARSHALL: Hey, Miss Bristow. SYDNEY: Anything yet? Any word on where Calder is? MARSHALL: Mr. Sloane didn't tell you? There was no data recovered from Noah's laptop. That sever room must have had active countermeasures. Some sor tof EMS generators. So, basically, when you ran out, your laptop got pulsed and everything's empty. (Conference room. Sydney walks in and sits down beside Noah.) SYDNEY: Hey. NOAH: Hi. SYDNEY: You heard about the computers? NOAH: Yes. Syd, if your mom is out there, you will find her. It's going to happen. SYDNEY: I just feel like I'm at a dead end. How's the arm? (On Noah's left arm, he's bandaged from his elbow to his wrist.) NOAH: Well, it's, uh, it feels great. The lidocaine hasn't worn off. Twenty-six stitches - a new personal record. (Sloane enters.) SLOANE: Hello, Sydney. SYDNEY: Hello. SLOANE: I was disappointed when I heard Marshall's news, but I'm confident that we'll pick up Calder's trail. Noah, flight to Baku leaves at six. In two weeks, you'll enter the doctoral program on petrol geoscience at Gazar University. Inside this folder, there's information on dead drop procedures. See ID services for your passport and travel visas. Good luck, Noah. SYDNEY: Noah just got home from a five-year deep cover assignment! He's been home for two weeks. Do you think it's wise to send him under again so soon? NOAH: Syd, I volunteered. (Sydney's shocked. He stands up to shake Sloane's hand.) NOAH: Thank you. (Beach. Sydney and Noah stand on the shore, talking.) SYDNEY: You're not really going to Banku, are you? NOAH: No. Tuvalu. It's an island in the South Pacific. I, uh, talked to my contact. He says now's my window. I'm leaving tonight and we could go together. SYDNEY: Sometimes, all I want to do is disappear. Just let all this go. And just start over again. (He nods.) SYDNEY: But I have my personal reasons for staying. NOAH: Syd, this life is not worth it and you know it. There's too many secrets, there's too much lying to everyone in your life that's supposed to be-- SYDNEY: I know. I know. NOAH: Then come with me. Here's what we're going to do. I booked you on a flight for tomorrow night. Syd, you come with me for one week to Tuvalu and let me prove to you that it cna work. (He gives her a plane ticket.) SYDNEY: Noah... NOAH: If it's about your mother, you and I can find your mother. We don't need the CIA for that. It'll be our last mission. And after that, we'll just start... completely new. Can you imagine that? Be on that plane and give me one week. Just one week. (He kisses her.) NOAH: One week. (In the main room of SD-6, Marshall comes running out, searching for Sloane.) MARSHALL: Mr. Sloane! Mr. Sloane! (He finally sees Sloane standing near someone's desk.) MARSHALL: Listen, I know I've been somewhat impressed with myself in the past, but this time I am, like, freaking out about it. SLOANE: Marshall, could you just tell me what? MARSHALL: I used a signal lost recovery procedure to examine the low-level data sector. I created a raw image-- SLOANE: Marshall! What did you do? MARSHALL: I found Valenko. I mean Calder. Well, it's the same guy, right? Well, I found him! (Conference room with Sydney, Dixon and Sloane.) SLOANE: Marshall has impressively reconstructed the data that you downloaded from the server in Cape Town. The financial routing information directed us to Mackay, Australia, and Bentley Calder's private residence. Now this one is straightforward: a daylight snatch operation. You lead a recovery team, greab Calder from his house and bring him here for questioning. Plane leaves in two hours. Dixon, could you give us a minute. (Dixon nods and leaves them alone.) SLOANE: Sydney, I told you I'd get you closer to your mother. I'm always here for you. You know that. (Sydney smiles awkwardly.) SYDNEY: Thanks. (Sydney's house. She packs her bag in the bedroom and picks up the plane ticket. The phone rings.) SYDNEY: Hello? NOAH: Hey, it's me. I am thirty-five thousand feet over the Pacific and you just missed the most beautiful sunset that I've ever seen in my life. You're coming, right? Tell me that you are coming to meet me. SYDNEY: Noah... NOAH: (whispers) Come on. SYDNEY: If things were different. NOAH: Any word on Calder? SYDNEY: No. Noah, it was great to see you again, but-- NOAH: Syd, whatever you're about to say, it's not good-bye, okay? SYDNEY: Okay. NOAH: All right. I'll see you. SYDNEY: I'll see you, too. (She hangs up, some regret in her expression. The phone rings. She picks it up, smiling.) SYDNEY: Okay, I believe this isn't good-bye. VOICE: Joey's Pizza? SYDNEY: Wrong number. (Self-storage. Sydney sits down while Vaughn paces behind her.) VAUGHN: Devlin knows you're going to Australia. You understand he'll be expecting a full report. SYDNEY: Yeah... VAUGHN: Syd, I know how important it is for you to find your mother and I'll help you however I can. SYDNEY: Thanks. Any word on The Snowman? VAUGHN: That guy I met in Bogota, I'm waiting for him to call me back. You want to tell me what's going on? (He sits down in front of her and can tell that she's a little down.) VAUGHN: Sydney, you can talk to me. Off the record. SYDNEY: I'm all right. (Mackay, Australia. Sydney opens the door to the van. Dixon sits in the driver seat.) SYDNEY: Wait until I open the main gate before you come in. DIXON: All right. "B" team will secure the perimeter in case Calder tries to take off. SYDNEY: Okay. (Vaughn's office. Phone rings.) VAUGHN: This is Vaughn. KISHELL: Mr. Vaughn, I have spoken to my friends. I have some information for you. (Sydney skulks through the bushes outside the home of Calder.) SYDNEY: Dixon? DIXON: Are you at the junction box? SYDNEY: No, not yet. This is weird. I don't see any guards. (She comes closer to the house and walks in. A guard is on the floor, a pool of blood around him. She feels his pulse.) (CIA. Vaughn runs up to Weiss.) VAUGHN: Weiss! WEISS: Yeah? VAUGHN: The Snowman. He's been spotted in Mackay. Sydney's there, too. He's going after Calder to get to Khasinau. Can you think of a way to contact Sydney, put out a warning? WEISS: We don't have her on comm? VAUGHN: No. (Sydney walks through the house, talking on the transmitter.) SYDNEY: Dixon, I just saw two... I just saw three guards. They're dead. Dixon? (She's getting static on her transmitter. A crash can be heard coming from the kitchen. Sydney goes to investigate. She walks in the kitchen and finds Calder sitting up in a chair. The Snowman is wearing a black mask over his face and pulls out an icepick from Calder's chest. He's dead.) SYDNEY: Oh, no, Calder! (She runs to The Snowman and kicks him. She punches him and bangs his head down on the counter. She grabs his arm and bangs his wrist against the counter so he drops the icepick. She rolls on the counte rand kicks him. The Snowman takes a cutting board and tries to hit her, but she ducks. He takes a knife from the counter, but changes and takes the meat tenderizer. They shrae kicks. Sydney grabs a pot/frying pan and smashes him twice. He kicks her. This time, Sydney grabs the knife and swipes at him. She roundhouse kicks him. She runs and kicks. He grabs her and throws her on the counter. The Snowman has the meat tenderizer pressed against her throat. Sydney gasps. The Snowman grabs the knife from Sydney and holds it above her, poised to stab her, but he stops. Sydney takes this opportunity to kick him in the gut. He stumbles back and rolls on the ground... right on the knife. He groans. Sydney gets up and sees that he's on his side and that there's some blood underneath him. Sydney bends down and rolls him over on his back. A knife is in his chest. Sydney sees a white bandage peeking out from The Snowman's black sleeve on his left arm. She freezes. Sydney pushes up his sleeve a little bit and then stares at his face, into his eyes. She starts crying. Sydney tears off The Snowman's mask to reveal Noah, gasping in pain. She starts to cry harder.) SYDNEY: No! NOAH: I tried to keep you from this... I want you to know that... (He dies. Sydney cradles his head. Dixon barges in, his gun raised.) DIXON: Sydney! (He stops when he sees Noah on the ground, dead. He looks at Sydney, then at Noah. Sydney looks up at Dixon, crying.)	Plan: A: Sloane; Q: Who begins to question Noah's true allegiances? A: new information; Q: What does Sydney uncover about her mother that disturbs Jack? A: A rogue assassin; Q: Who is the Snowman? A: the Snowman; Q: Who is the assassin sent by K-Directorate to kill Calder? A: the mysterious airline ticket stub; Q: What do Will and Francie confront Sydney about? Summary: Sloane begins to question where Noah's true allegiances lie, as passion ignites between Sydney and Noah. Meanwhile, Sydney continues to uncover new information about her mother, which disturbs Jack. A rogue assassin known as the Snowman is dispatched by K-Directorate to kill Calder. Will and Francie confront Sydney about the mysterious airline ticket stub found in her jacket.
INT. - PHOTOGRAPHER'S STUDIO Carla Marie Freed: I told you, don't move. [title card: New York City, 1986] [A female photographer, Carla Marie Freed, photographs another woman in a darkened studio. The woman stands completely still against a dark backdrop, in the nude. Music plays in the background.] Carla: Let your, um, let your arms fall by your sides. [The woman stands with arms by her sides, hands slightly turned up. She glances up at the camera.] Carla: That's beautiful. [Carla turns off a lamp, plunging the room into darkness; a bright camera flash illuminates them for a second. She photographs the woman, then approaches her. Carla picks up a small lamp and slowly shines it up the woman's hip, arm, shoulder. After a moment, she sets the lamp down and begins kissing her.] [Fade to white.] [main title credits.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING [Alice and Gabby are in bed, sleeping. A car horn honks outside.] Gabby: Oh, god damn it. [Gabby wakes up and gets out of bed. She starts putting on her clothes.] Alice: (groggy) What? Gabby: (irritated) I thought you set the alarm? Alice: I did, you snoozed it. Gabby: (irritated) I'm late for my fcking dumb-ass job. Alice: I'm sorry. Gabby: fck. Alice: Do you want me to make us coffee? Gabby: No, thanks, I'll get some on the way. Alice: So are we gonna get together later or what? [Gabby sits on the bed.] Gabby: I have a screening with Joanie. [Gabby leans over and kisses Alice.] Gabby: (smiling) But I'll call you. [Gabby leaves.] Alice: Bye... INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MORNING [Tim and Jenny are in bed. Tim is asleep. Jenny is awake. She carefully slides out of bed, then kisses Tim on the shoulder.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Marina is helping some customers. Music plays in the background.] Marina: (to worker) Ho tanto da fare oggi. (I'm really busy today.) [Jenny stands at the counter. Marina notices her.] Marina: Hey! Jenny: Hey. (leans forward) (whispering) Can I speak to you please? Marina: Sure. I'll be right there. Wait a minute? (to a worker) Due bicchieri d'acqua per la tre. (Two glasses of water for table three.) (to Jenny) Do you want some coffee? Jenny: No. [Marina reaches out as if to touch Jenny's arm. Jenny shrinks away. Marina pulls back.] Jenny: Thank you. [Marina takes some coffee to patrons at a table. Jenny waits, watching her.] INT. - CA ARTS CENTER - BOARDROOM - DAY [Bette is talking to board members; her boss, Franklin is in the mix. A view screen on the wall shows a large painting depicting naked men in a leather bar being whipped.] Bette: Finally, "The Flagellation" by Dalmas Howe deals with the dichotomy between man as divine and man as creature. The painting, which is large in scale and classical in its execution attempts to record the artist's experiences through juxtaposition in narrative. Richard Morrisey has called this piece "a revelation." [Bette turns off the view screen. The board members look to her.] Bette: "Provocations" is intended to do just that: Provoke. It is daring, it is intense, and it is the edge we have been looking for. And with a little finessing, it will be the C.A.C.'s spring exhibition. Franklin: Isn't that our slot for the impressionists? Bette: (laughs) Yes, but we've show "Impressions in Winter" for the last 5 years in a row. I thought this year we would wow them with something different. Board Member: We can't move the impressionists. Everybody loves the impressionists. Bette: (smiling) Well, the impressionists notwithstanding, you hired me to create a new profile for the C.A.C. Now, the "Provocations" exhibit will put us on the map. It premieres at Mona in New York, then after the C.A.C. it moves on to the Walker and then to London's Tate Modern. Franklin: Okay, well just assuming for a moment that we were willing to forego "Impressions in Winter," despite the fact that it's our most popular exhibit bar none, uh, for this, um, cause celebre out of New York. What makes you think you can procure it for the C.A.C.? Bette: Well, I've set up a meeting with Gina Ferrara, who is the curator of the Peggy Peabody collection. I know that both MOCA and LACMA are after it, but I'm completely confident that I can talk - Board Member: Bette, it is obvious that you have gone to a great deal of trouble to prepare for this presentation. But, it isn't worth the risk. "Impressions in Winter" is ... is too important to us. [The other board members make noises of agreement.] Bette: With all due respect, Franklin... if I'm not the one selecting the shows, then I don't understand what I'm here for. Franklin: To do what's best for the C.A.C. I would think that would be fairly obvious. Now what I need you to do is to follow up with Sheldon Tomlin over at Hoyt and iron out the details. We wouldn't want one of our rivals running off with "Impressions" because we were a little slow on the uptake, now would we? [Bette puts her hands up.] Bette: Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. Follow up? Franklin: Yeah. Bette: You've booked it already? Franklin: I, uh, happened to have lunch with Shelly last week and I... I thought I'd save you the time. [Bette looks deflated.] Franklin: (to group) Well, everyone, thanks, and uh, how 'bout, uh, thanking Miss Porter for all her hard work. [The group claps.] Franklin: Great job! INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Marina serves a couple some coffee then goes over to a table where Jenny waits. Jenny looks tired. Music plays in the background.] Marina: Do you want to go to my office? Jenny: No. This is just gonna take a minute. [Alice and Shane walk in and spot Jenny and Marina.] Alice: Hey! How are ya? Marina: Hey! [Alice and Marina hug.] Alice: Hey Jenny! Jenny: (to Marina) Can we go into your office, please? Marina: Yeah, sure. Jenny: Thank you. Okay. [Jenny nods politely at Alice and Shane. She pats Shane's shoulder.] Jenny: Shane. Shane: Hey, Jenny, how are you? [Jenny and Marina walk to Marina's office.] Alice: (smiling) Whatever. (to Marina) Can we have our table? Marina: Yeah. [Alice and Shane sit down at their table.] Alice: Did you see that? [Shane looks at Marina and Jenny, then down at her newspaper.] Alice: You can't tell me, right? Shane: (joking) Right, Al, I can't tell you. INT. - THE PLANET - MARINA'S OFFICE - DAY [Marina and Jenny go inside. Jenny closes the door. Marina leans against her desk.] Marina: What's on your mind, Jenny? [Jenny seems nervous.] Jenny: (a beat) I can't be around you. Anymore. It's confusing to me and it makes me feel insane. [Marina looks a tiny bit hurt.] Jenny: You know, Tim has been so wonderful to me. [Marina looks down.] Jenny: And I think that this is the very first time in my life... that I've actually felt safe. [Marina stares at Jenny, then stands up.] Marina: Do you want to be safe? [Jenny struggles for words and sighs.] Jenny: I'm gonna marry Tim. [After a moment, Marina smiles.] Jenny: I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine my life without him. Marina: (nodding) Is that what you want? Jenny: (smiles) Yes. That is what I want. Marina: (smiling) Then I wish you well. [Marina kisses Jenny on the cheek and leaves.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Alice and Shane are both reading the paper. Alice taps a pencil on the table. Shane finishes her coffee and sets the cup down.] Shane: I'm gonna get another, you okay? Alice: (to the tune of "Hey Mickey" by Toni Basil) Hey Gabby, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind... Shane: Easy with the 80s pop this early in the morning. Alice: (to the tune of "Hey Mickey" by Toni Basil) Hey Gabby, hey Gabby. Shane: (staring) (smiles) Tell me you didn't. Alice: Okay. (puts paper away) Think what you will, she's amazing. She's amazing-looking, she's amazingly smart, she's amazing in bed. Shane: She treats you like sh1t. Alice: No, she doesn't. Shane: Yes, she does. Alice: No, not this time. Totally changed. Shane: I don't know, Alice, she still seems pretty cold in the streets to me. Alice: Cold in the streets, hot in the sheets. [Shane doesn't look impressed.] Alice: She's happier! She's writing her lesbian cops screenplay. She's a whole new Gabby. [Shane still doesn't look impressed.] Alice: What? Shane: Nothing. Alice: No, no, no, not saying "nothing" with that face. Shane: Allright, let - let's say hypothetically that ... I saw Gabby all over Nadia Meirtschin ... on Thursday night. Alice: (squinting, disbelief) Where? Shane: Milk. Alice: What were they doing? Shane: (shakes head) I... I'd prefer not to give you the details this time. [Alice looks crestfallen.] INT. - COUNTRY CLUB - KITCHEN [Lara is cutting vegetables at her work area. Dana walks through, looking around for her. She finally sees her.] Dana: (smiles) Hey... Lara: (looks up) Hey! [Lara cuts her thumb.] Lara: Ow! Dana: Oh, my god! Oh - oh, my god, I'm sorry, I - Lara: It's okay. Dana: (freaking out) Ah, Jesus, you're disfigured! Lara: (smiling, calm) I'm not disfigured. Dana: (panicked) But I could've killed you! When you were (makes chopping motion)... you know... Lara: (smiling) It happens all the time. Dana: Well, should we call a doctor? Lara: (giggles) Dana! [Lara holds up her hand, counting off fingers.] Lara: Second-degree burn from the béchamel sauce. Run-away shish-kabob. An attack from a particularly hostile live lobster, and, um, electric can-opener. [Dana blushes a little.] Dana: Is there anything I can do? Lara: You could kiss it and make it better. [Lara holds up her thumb. Dana chuckles. Dana suddenly begins to look very serious and nervous.] Dana: Um. I was wondering if maybe sometime - Lara: I would love to. Dana: Really? [Lara smiles and nods.] Dana: Okay. (giggles) Okay! Is Thursday night okay? Lara: Thursday night is great. Dana: Where do you wanna go? Lara: Anywhere you're going. Dana: Yeah, but you're a food person. So, I want to take you someplace really good. Like L'Orangerie. Lara: No, no, no, that's way too expensive. Dana: I know. I'll take care of it. Lara: We're not starting out that way. Um... there's - there's this little place in Koreatown that I've been dying to check out. Dana: Do I need to make a reservation? Lara: How about if I take care of that part, and you just pick me up at 8? Dana: (smiles) Okay. Lara: Okay. Dana: Okay. Lara: Okay. Dana: Okay, bye. [Dana turns to leave.] Lara: Hey. Dana: (turning around) Yeah? Lara: Thanks for asking me out. [Dana giggles.] Dana: (suavely) Oh yeah, no problem. [Dana backs away. They're both smiling at each other. Dana bumps into someone carrying dishes. Lara giggles.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Bette is on her cell phone, pacing the living room.] Bette: (phone) Yeah, Gina Ferrara please, it's Bette Porter. (a beat) We're having drinks. (a beat) No, can you just let her know that I got her message and the Four Seasons is fine? [Tina walks in the front door. She has to-go food bags in her hand.] Bette: (to Tina) You brought dinner. Tina: You going out? Bette: I have a drinks meeting. (a beat) The board didn't go for it. Tina: What? Bette: (phone) Hello, is Greg Massey in? Yeah, it's Bette Porter from the C.A.C? Yes, I'll hold. No - can you just, uh, have him call me back, please. Thanks. (hangs up) (to Tina) I hate them all. Tina: They didn't go for "Provocations"? Bette: Yah, and then to pour salt on the wound, Franklin went behind my back and booked "Impressions in Winter." Tina: So, who're you having drinks with? [Tina walks to the table and sets the food down.] Bette: Gina Ferrara, the curator of the Peggy Peabody collection. Tina: I thought you said they didn't go for it? [Bette grabs her jacket and gets ready to leave.] Bette: I'm not rolling over. Right after the meeting, I called Sheldon Tomlin, and I unbooked the impressionists show, and now I'm gonna go prostrate myself to a woman who hates my guts. [Bette grabs her car keys.] Tina: Why does Gina Ferrara hate you? Bette: We had a run-in over an artist, Megan Friedman, when we were both gallerists. [Bette is getting her bags and stuff together.] Tina: (smiling) That sculptor you slept with? Bette: And she's hated me ever since. Tina: So Gina Ferrara is a lesbian. Bette: No... she wanted the show, I got it, and now she hates me. But, I am gonna kiss her ass. [Bette gives Tina a goodbye kiss and heads for the door.] Tina: She's lucky. INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Lots of people around. Music plays in the background. We see Kit standing over a turntable, wearing headphones, spinning some tunes. Tim is in the background on his cellphone.] Tim: (phone) Hey Jen. Hey, it's me, listen. I had a really shitty day. Uh, my 200 yard free relay team ate some bad sushi, they were up all night puking. Trish is now officially on academic probation, so, if you get the message, I'm at The Planet, I miss you, I hope you join me. Bye. [Tim hangs up and takes a pull off his beer bottle.] ELSEWHERE AT THE PLANET - [Marina is shooting pool. A few guys stand around. She makes a perfect shot. The guys moan.] Marina: (clears throat) Anyone else? [The guys clear out. Tim comes up, sipping on his beer. Marina walks toward him with a cue.] Marina: C'mon. Tim: (chuckles) No. Marina: Come on. Tim: No, I'm obviously no match for you. Marina: Well, you never know until you try. EXT. - MILK - NIGHT [Alice walks through a bunch of people standing around outside and heads for the door. Music from the club can be heard outside.] INT. - MILK - NIGHT [Alice gets a drink at the bar and sits down. After a moment, Gabby comes in.] Alice: Hey! Gabby: Hi! [Gabby goes up to Alice for a kiss, but surprises Alice by only kissing on the cheek.] Alice: Oh... How are ya? [A couple of girls follow Gabby in and walk up to the table. One of them is Nadia Meirtschin and she looks like a complete biotch.] Gabby: (to Alice) You know Nadia. Alice: Yeah, hey! [Alice extends her hand. Nadia flips her eyes at her.] Nadia: Hey. [Alice gives Gabby a sideways look.] Girl with Nadia: Oh, my god. Have you seen this? [The girl holds up one of the fliers Lacey made of Shane. Is says "Shane" and "Heartbreaker" in huge letters, and Shane's face is right in the middle. Gabby and Nadia look at the flier and laugh. Alice looks uncomfortable and mad, but doesn't say anything.] Gabby: (shaking head) Lacey. Looks like Shane finally tangled with the wrong crazy bitch. Nadia: There's like a whole stack of them over by the door. [Nadia and the girl leave. Alice looks at Gabby.] Alice: Gabby? Gabby. Gabby: Hm? Alice: I was kind of hoping we could be alone. Gabby: We can be alone with we're dead. [Nadia and the girl come back.] Gabby: Is that Fiona over there? I can't believe she'd even show her face in here. [Alice looks humiliated, but smiles.] INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Tim is playing pool. His phone starts to vibrate.] Marina: Tim. Tim! Your phone is ringing. [The phone continues to buzz.] Tim: Can you get it? [Marina answers it.] Marina: (phone) Hello? INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT [Jenny is making supper.] c Jenny: (phone) Tim? (a beat) Uh... who is this? Marina: (phone) Hi Jenny. It's Marina. Jenny: Where's Tim? INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT Marina: (phone) Yeah, Tim is playing pool, he asked me to answer the phone. INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT [Jenny furrows her brow. She hangs up the phone.] INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Marina hands the phone to Tim, who is leaning over the pool table to make his shot.] Marina: I don't think she's happy. Tim: Oh. (takes phone) Jenny? [Jenny already hung up. He hands the phone back to Marina and goes back to lining up his shot.] Tim: She got cut off. I guess she'll call back. [Tim makes a shot. The 8-ball smacks the 9 of stripes into the corner pocket.] Tim: Yesss! [A few people who were watching voice their approval of the shot.] Marina: (laughing) Did you just hustle me? Tim: Yesss! v ELSEWHERE AT THE PLANET - [Music plays. People are up milling around, socializing, dancing. Kit stands over a turntable, wearing headphones, spinning some tunes.] [Tina sits at a table nearby, sipping a drink, watching Kit play.] [Kit picks up a bottle of beer and drinks from it as she dances.] [Tina sees that and frowns disapprovingly. She sets her drink down.] [Jenny passes Tina's table, on her way to find Tim.] [Jenny stops when she sees Tim by the pool table with Marina. He has a hand on her waist; she has a hand on his shoulder. They're both smiling and laughing.] [Jenny stares, looking upset. Tim turns and sees her, and still smiling, walks over to her. Marina follows.] Tim: Jen! Hey! You okay? v [Jenny's P.O.V. - the images of Tim and Marina walking toward her are blurry and skewed. Their voices distantly echo. Jenny looks past Tim, at Marina. Marina's face blurs out.] Marina: Jenny? [Jenny passes out and falls to the floor; the picture fades out.] [The picture fades in. Tim, Kit, Marina and Tina are all standing over Jenny, looking worried.] Tim: (whispering) Jenny, what's going on? Marina: Jenny, can you hear me? Kit: Jenny, baby, can you hear me? [Tim touches Jenny's forehead. Jenny opens her eyes; her face is as white as a ghost.] Tim: Jen. Kit: Can you hear what I'm saying? Everybody, get back, give her some air. [Everyone at the club is crowded around Jenny in absolute silence. They start to disperse at Kit's command.] Kit: She's coming around. I gotta get her something for her head. [Jenny looks up at Tim.] Tim: Jen. Hey. It's okay. It's allright. [Jenny looks up at Marina. Marina walks away.] Tim: It's okay. [Jenny sits up and puts her arms around Tim. Tim helps her to her feet. They past the bar, where someone pours Tina a glass of water. Bette has arrived and comes over to Tina.] Bette: What happened to her? Tina: She passed out. Bette: Was she drinking or something? Tina: I don't know. But somebody else was. [Bette looks from Tina, over to Kit, who's dancing by her turntable with a beer in her hand.] Bette: You're kidding. Why didn't you stop her? Tina: It's not my place. How was your meeting? Bette: (sighs) There was an accident on La Cienega, I was 15 minutes late, I got there, she'd left already. Tina: Oh, babe. I'm sorry. Bette: We're going to reschedule tomorrow. Tina: C'mon. Let's get you something to eat. [Tina takes Bette by the hand and leads her off. Bette watches her sister across the room, drinking beer.] INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Tim kneels before Jenny, taking off her shoes. She sits on the edge of the bed.] Tim: Well, we're definitely getting you in to a doctor tomorrow. Jenny: It's low blood sugar. Tim: You scared me, you know. Jenny: (grouchy) Well, you know, you fcked everything up because you decided to go to The Planet while I was making you dinner, and go and flirt with Marina. [Jenny takes off her pants. Tim's mouth hangs open, unsure of what to say to her attitude.] Tim: Don't be ridiculous. Jenny: (getting in bed) Well, what were you doing, Tim? Tim: Playing pool. Jenny: With your arms around each other. Tim: (sarcastic) You know, that's exactly right. We were making out right there in the middle of The Planet while everyone was watching. [Jenny leers at him, then lays down.] Tim: You need to get some sleep. [Tim gets up and leaves.] INTERSTITIAL - SCENES OF L.A. [A busy commercial street. Cars honk, people shop.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Bette and Tina sit at a table. Music plays in the background. A waiter delivers drinks to their table. Bette is on the phone, calling her office. Her assistant answers.] Assistant: (phone) Bette Porter's office. Bette: (phone) Hi James, it's me. Can you just, uh, forward my calls to my cell? Thanks. [Bette hangs up. Alice walks to their table, Shane in tow. Alice is talking through a rolled-up poster. Shane is wearing sunglasses and a hooded sweatshirt.] Alice: (through poster) Hey guys, check this out. [Alice unfurls the poster. It's one of Lacey's posters, of Shane.] Bette: (re: Shane's outfit) Oh, my god, it's the Unabomber. Tina: What's going on? Alice: (laughing) Lacey is on some sort of rampage. She's putting these all over town. [Dana shows up and sits down at the table.] Dana: You guys, you guys, there's a giant billboard of Shane on Sunset. [Shane looks at her, silently miffed.] Dana: (to Shane) (laughing) Just kidding. [Alice rubs Shane's head and giggles. Bette and Tina laugh.] Bette: (to Dana) So how's your lady friend? Dana: Good. I have my date tonight! [Shane smiles.] Bette: Ooh. Tina: Oh, my god, Dana's got a date. Alice: What are you wearing? Dana: Um... well, I was thinking of wearing that - you know, that blue sundress - [Everyone immediately disapproves.] Bette/Tina/Alice/Shane: Nooo. Bette: No. Shane: No. Alice: No. Dana: (surprised) What! Alice: How many times do I have to tell you no sundresses? [Tina and Bette smile.] Dana: But I'm going to a nice play, y'know, somebody might see me. Alice: One guy recognizes you, and all of a sudden you're like Tiger Woods. Dana: Bite my head off, god... Shane: Jesus, Al, it's not Dana's fault Gabby's macking on Nadia Meirtschin. Dana: Oh, god, Nadia Meirtschin, I hate that girl. I've been introduced to her, like, 24 times and she never remembers my name. [Bette looks at Tina.] Bette: Didn't she... try to hit up on you once, Nadia Meirtschin? Tina: (laughs uncomfortably) She was drunk. Still... Bette: (to Alice) It has to end. Tina: But seriously, Alice, you can't let Gabby continue to treat you this way. Alice: You guys don't know her. I know it looks like she's treating me like sh1t, but... it's - she's just, y'know - Dana: Treating you like sh1t, Al. Alice: Maybe. It's just - Bette: No. It's just you deserve better. Alice: I do? [Everybody makes a face.] Alice: Allright, I do. But... I just feel like at times, she's, like, so right there, and I feel like we connect and then, all of a sudden, she acts like I don't even exist. Tina: That's because she's an emotional cripple. Bette: Yeah. Emotional cripple slash narcissistic personality disorder. Tina: And the next time she calls you? You have to end it. Alice: I know. It's just - Bette: It's just nothing. [Alice laughs.] Tina: What are you gonna do? Alice: Well, I was gonna ask her - Bette: No asking. Tina: What are you gonna tell her? [Alice laughs again.] Tina: You're gonna say, "Gabby, I really enjoy the time we've spent together, but it is obvious to me that we are in different places in our lives and we want different things out of a relationship, and I respect myself too much to let you continue to treat me this way." Bette: "It's clear to me now that you are an emotional cripple without any kind of capacity to understand true love." Tina: "And I'm no longer willing to waste my valuable time on you." Bette: "So step off, bitch!" [Alice and Dana crack up. Shane smiles. Bette's phone rings. She answers it.] Tina: Do it! Bette: (phone) Hello? Gina! Hey! [Bette gets up and walks a few feet away for privacy.] Bette: (phone) I am so sorry about last night. I hope you got the message, there was this terrible accident... Yeah. I'm really looking forward to talking to you about "Provocations," I think that the... (listening) ... oh... Oh really? (listening) Well, is there any way that I could get you to reconsider because I think that the C.A.C. ... (listening) ... Okay. Allright. [Tina gets up and goes over to her.] Bette: (phone) No, no, no, no, thank you. Bye. (hangs up) Tina: What happened? Bette: (sighs) "Provocations" went to MOCA. That's where Gina was last night while I was sitting alone at the bar at The Four Seasons. Tina: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. Bette: I knew Gina would screw me. I am so fcked. [Bette walks back to the table. Tina follows.] Tina: Is there anyone who can overrule her? Bette: Just Peggy Peabody, the billionairess raving lunatic. Alice: Peggy Peabody? Unified Steel heiress? Bette: Yeah. Alice: She's in town, y'know. She's staying at the Las Alemendros, Santa Barbara. She's on some crazy art-buying spree. Spent like $6.3 million bucks yesterday. Tina: How do you know all of this? Alice: I was eavesdropping at L.A. Magazine. Do you guys know they want me to do a story on the 45-minute orgasm? As if? [Bette gets up from the table again to make a phone call on her cell. She picks up her purse and heads for the door. Tina gets up to follow.] Alice: I mean, by definition, there's short and intense, right? Assistant: (phone) Bette Porter's office. Bette: (phone) Hi, James? Can you, uh, get me directions for the Los Alamendros in Santa Barbara? Assistant: (phone) Franklin found out you passed on "Impressions in Winter." Bette: (phone) What else? INT. - C.A.C. - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY [The assistant is on the phone with Bette. He's nervously watching the door.] Assistant: (phone) Well, he's in a rage that you left the office in a time of crisis. Bette: (phone) Tell him to bite me. Assistant: (phone) I don't think I can say that. Bette: (phone) You know, tell him that all great art... EXT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Bette is walking to her car. Tina follows.] Bette: (phone) (cntd.) ...is a response to small-minded, corporate fascists trying to impose their ignorance on the sheep-like masses. INT. - C.A.C. - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY Assistant: (phone) Why don't I just tell him you have a dentist appointment? EXT. - THE PLANET - DAY Bette: (phone) Just tell him it's not over until it's over. Okay, call me back with the directions. Thanks. [Bette hangs up.] Tina: You're going to Santa Barbara? [Bette sighs and kisses Tina, then gets in the car.] Tina: Good luck. EXT. - SMALL CAFE - DAY [Lacey stands on a sidewalk, handing fliers out to people passing by.] Lacey: (to passer-by) Hi, how are you. (to another) Hey, how ya doing? (to another) Hey, word to the wise, watch out for that woman. [A woman and her daughter walk by.] Lacey: (to woman) Ma'am, how're you doing, keep an eye on your daughter, you never know. [The woman takes the flier and reads as she and her daughter keep walking.] Woman: (reading) Oh, my god... Lacey: (to another) Hi. Heads up. [Lacey turns to her right. Shane is there. Shane looks disappointed. Lacey holds up one of the fliers. It has Shane's face and name on it, and reads "Shane" and "Heartbreaker" in huge letters.] Lacey: So what do you think? I learned Photoshop. [Shane stares at Lacey for several seconds.] Shane: (calm) Lace, what are you doing? Lacey: Whatever I feel like. Isn't that what you do? [Lacey hands a flier to a man passing by.] Shane: Allright. Enough. C'mon. [Shane puts her arm around Lacey and guides her around the corner for some privacy. There are fliers of Shane's face posted on the side of the building that say "User" in huge letters.] Shane: I think we have a big misunderstanding. I mean, you and me had a really great time together, but - Lacey: I know, that's why I don't understand what happened. Shane: Babe, nothing happened. Okay? It's just about having a good time and enjoying each other's company. Lacey: I know, but then you went off with the other girl. Shane: Yeah. I don't see what the problem is with that. [Lacey stares past Shane, listening.] Shane: Look, Lace, (grabbing Lacey's jacket lapels) you're beautiful. And I like you a lot. But... I like a lot of people. Lacey: What does she have that I don't have? Shane: Nothing. It's not about having something or not having something. [Lacey is confused.] Lacey: Did you like fcking her better? Shane: (a beat) No. Lacey: Because I really liked fcking you. Shane: Yeah, I liked fcking you, too, Lace. Lacey: So then, what's the problem? Shane: (a beat) I don't do relationships. Lacey: I'm not asking for a relationship. [Lacey looks away. Shane tries to keep her gaze.] Shane: W - wait - don't... hey, don't cry. Lacey: I am not crying. Shane: Yes, you are... I hate it when girls cry, allright? C'mere. [Shane puts her arms around Lacey and holds her.] Lacey: I just really like you, is all. Shane: Yeah, I like you, too. I do. Lacey: I guess I got carried away with the posters and fliers and... the banner. [Shane stops hugging Lacey and looks her in the eye.] Shane: You - you made banners? Lacey: Just one. But they wouldn't let me hang it at Girl Bar. Shane: (smiles) Honey, you have a lot of feelings. Lacey: I know, but then you went off with the other girl! Shane: No, no, no, shhh... [Shane embraces Lacey again.] Shane: ... don't, please, don't, don't... Forget about it, okay, don't even think about that. Lacey: I don't want a relationship with you, I just want to be with you all the time. [Shane pulls back and looks around.] Lacey: Oh, hey, oh... Oh, I am so dumb. I am always doing this. I just want to know why everybody always abandons me. Shane: Wait, no one's abandoning you. Lacey: Everybody leaves. [Shane is paying close attention.] Lacey: My father left when I was 5. My mom died. My sister... Shane: What happened with your sister? Lacey: She moved to West Covina. [Shane nods.] Shane: I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not going anywhere. [Shane hugs Lacey again. After a moment, they pull apart. Shane looks her close in the eye.] Shane: Okay? Lacey: Okay. Yeah. Shane: Allright? [Lacey kisses Shane. The kiss deepens, and Shane returns it.] [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. - L.A. FREEWAY - DAY [Bette races along in her car, on her way to Santa Barbara.] EXT. - OUTSIDE LARA'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DUSK [Dana is walking up to Lara's apartment. She's on the phone.] Dana: (phone) Al, it's Dana. Al. Alice! Don't worry, I'm wearing pants. No, they're not patterned. Look, I'll call you after, okay? (a beat) I'm not gonna have - hold on. Just hold on. [Dana walks up to the door of the apartment building but the doors are locked. She spots an intercom and presses some buttons.] Lara: (intercom) I'll be right down. Dana: (phone) Okay, look, she's coming, I gotta go. [Dana checks her teeth in the reflection of the door glass.] Dana: (phone) Hm? (agitated) No, I'm not going to have sx with her tonight, it's our first date, god! I'll call you later, bye. [Dana hangs up. Lara comes out of the door of her building, wearing a dress. She looks at Dana.] Lara: I overdressed. [Dana stares at her. Lara looks amazing.] Dana: No, no... Lara: Oh, god, I feel like such a geek. Dana: No, no, I... my friends made me wear this. Lara: What? Dana: My friends said that they thought that you would think I was a geek if, you know, if I wore a dress. Lara: So, I am a geek. Dana: No, I'm a geek. For letting my friends tell me what to wear. Lara: Well, I could go change... so you don't feel so geeky. Dana: (a beat) No, you look beautiful. [Lara smiles.] Dana: Oh, god, see? That was totally... I'm just a total geek. [Lara steps closer to Dana.] Dana: I'm just - [Lara kisses Dana.] Lara: Shall we go? Dana: Yeah. [Lara puts her arm through Dana's and they walk off together.] INT. - LOS ALAMENDROS RESORT - LOBBY - NIGHT [Bette walks in and heads for the reception desk and speaks with the concierge.] Concierge: Hello, and welcome to Los Alamendros. How may I help you? Bette: Yes, I'm here to see Mrs. Peabody. Concierge: The code word? Bette: You need a secret code to see Peggy Peabody? Concierge: That's correct. Bette: ... Shazam. Concierge: Hm. [The concierge produces a pen from his jacket and hands it to Bette.] Concierge: Perhaps you'd like to leave a note? [Bette is about to take the pen when she hears the sound of tiny dogs barking. She turns around just in time to see Peggy Peabody, eccentric heiress, weighted down by shopping bags, 2 Pomeranian dogs in tow.] Bette: (to Concierge) That's her, isn't it? Right? [Bette follows Peggy.] Bette: Mrs. Peabody? Mrs. Peabody? [Peggy turns to see who's calling after her.] Bette: Hi. [Peggy gets on a nearby elevator. Her dogs are yapping like mad. Bette follows her in.] Peggy: (groans) Well. My driver was late. That's my excuse, and it's going to have to stand. You have so much traffic in this infernal city, I don't know how you stand it. Bette: Well, you get used to it, actually. Peggy: Absurd. Penthouse. [Bette presses the elevator button for the penthouse suites.] Peggy: (to dog) C'mere. [Peggy picks up one of her yapping dogs and hands it to Bette.] Peggy: Hold him for me, would you? Here we go. INT. - LOS ALAMENDROS RESORT - PENTHOUSE SUITE - NIGHT [Peggy's apartment. It's very posh. Various photographs and paintings lean against the walls here and there, newly bought.] [Peggy is taking one of her dogs off its leash.] Peggy: (to dog) Now, go away! Don't come back! [The dog scampers off. Bette, still holding the other dog, closes the front door. Peggy walks across the room.] Peggy: (sighs) I let José off. Bette: José? [Peggy begins flipping through some papers on a desk.] Peggy: Oh, he's my helper. He's in love with this girl who works for the Weintraubs. Or is it the Fleischmans, I'm not certain. Mad, obsessive love! [Peggy walks to another desk and starts going through other papers and mail.] Peggy: I told him, "Go! Be in love! Take the night, show her the sea." I think people in love should see the sea. Bette: Mrs. Peabody, I'm - Peggy: Oh, call me Peggy. I don't like "Mrs.", it's so frumpy. Like I'm an old mare. Bette: Peggy... Peggy: You're here about the Kandinsky. Bette: Kandinsky? Peggy: What're you drinking? Bette: Um, nothing, I'm fine. Peggy: Oh! Nonsense. I had this ridiculous drink the other night. Uh, José made it for me. Mango juice and vodka, I think? Just ridiculous. (calls out) José! Bette: (looks around) I think José is out. At the sea. Peggy: Oh. Of course. [Peggy walks to the liquor cabinet.] Peggy: He's in love. Bette: (laughs) Right! Peggy: (opens cabinet) Now. This drink has a very salutary effect. It's called "Roadkill." See if you like it. [Peggy pours a glass and hands it to Bette. Bette smells it before drinking.] Peggy: Yum. [Peggy pours herself a glass.] Bette: Mm! Delicious! Peggy: So, when can I see it? Bette: See what? Peggy: The Kandinsky. You have a reputation for driving a very hard bargain, Miss Reynolds. [Peggy goes to a desk where sits an answering machine.] Bette: I think you have me confused with someone - Peggy: (smiling) But I will have it. Bette: I - I'm afraid that you have me confused with s - uh - [Peggy presses a button on her answering machine. It beeps.] Peggy: How does this damned thing work. Oh! Nasty little machine. [José's voice is heard on the answering machine.] José: (machine) This is Miss Peabody's room. Leave a message at the tone. [The machine beeps again as it begins to play. Abby Reynolds, Peggy's appointment with the Kandinsky, has left a message.] Abby Reynolds: (machine) Hi Peggy. This is Abby Reynolds. I'm so sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel on our appointment this evening. Let's reschedule the talk about the Kandinsky. [Peggy shuts the answering machine off and slowly looks up at Bette. Bette smiles.] Peggy: Who the hell are you? Bette: (smiles) I've been trying to tell you I'm... (sets dog down) I'm Bette Porter, and I am the director of the California Arts Center. [Peggy looks at Bette, drawing a blank. Bette smiles.] Peggy: California... oh. Oh, yes, that little museum in Bergamot Station. Bette: Right. Peggy: Obscure. Bette: (searching) And that will all change, soon. Especially if you, in your... infinite wisdom, decide that the "Provocations" exhibit should go - Peggy: You're the lesbian! Bette: Excuse me? Peggy: The lesbian museum director. Bette: ... I'm sorry... Peggy: I was a lesbian in 1974. [Peggy walks across the room to the couch.] Bette: Just 1974? Peggy: Just 1974. (sits) That was all I needed. Bette: Well, you know, that is what we refer to as a... "has-bian." [Bette smiles, then looks really a little terrified. After a moment, Peggy chuckles.] Peggy: (chuckles) A "has-bian." (chuckles, then laughs hard) [Bette laughs.] Peggy: That's hilarious! I must tell Joanne that one. [Peggy scoots over and pats the seat of the couch for Bette to sit down. Bette does.] Peggy: Are you hungry? I'm just famished! Why don't you order us something... [Peggy rustles through some stuff on the coffee table and produces a menu.] Peggy: ... from the menu here. (hands to Bette) Thank you. [Peggy gets up and goes into another room. Bette knits her brow at her as she pages through the menu.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT [Alice is sitting at her desk in the livingroom when a knock comes at the door. She goes to answer it. It's Gabby. Alice opens the door to let her in.] Gabby: Hey, stranger! (hands Alice flowers) You ran out the other night. Alice: Yeah, well, uh, twelve's a crowd. [Alice follows Gabby into the apartment. Gabby takes off her jacket as she walks.] Gabby: I know, and I'm so sorry, I mean, it was just that I missed Clarissa's birthday the other night, and then Nadia called, and then before I knew it, it was like a whole, big, you know - Alice: I know about you and Nadia. Gabby: There's nothing to know. Alice: Half of Hollywood saw you guys making out. Gabby: (huffs) That was nothing. Alice, it meant nothing to me. Alice: Ok, here's you (holds up left hand) and here's the lies you're telling me (wiggles fingers on right hand). Gabby: Okay. I won't see her anymore. Swear. Alice: (a beat) It's just, I - Gabby: You and me are really good together. We're both writers, we're on an intellectual par... I can't have the same kind of conversations with Nadia that I have with you. [Alice closes her eyes then sets the flowers down on her desk.] Alice: Gabby... (looks up) I've really enjoyed the time we've spent together. But, it's obvious you and I are on two different levels, and we really want two different things out of a relationship. I respect myself too much to let you treat me like this. Gabby: Are you serious? Alice: And it's pretty clear you're, like, some sort of an emotional cripple... [Gabby folds her arms. She looks uncomfortable. As Alice continues to talk, she looks down, unsure of herself.] Alice: ... without the capacity to understand true love, and... I, uh... I - I'm not gonna let you... waste my valuable time, and, uh... (looks up) step off, bitch. [Alice smiles.] Gabby: (irritated) Emotional cripple, where'd you get that? "Dr. Phil"? Alice: Why don't you get out of my house. Gabby: (tossing hands up) What ev'! (gets jacket) Suit yourself. But I think you should know, Alice, this is not a good move for someone like you. Everyone knows you're desperate. You're not gonna bounce back from this. [Gabby walks down the hall, to the door, and leaves. Alice sighs heavily.] [Alice sits down at her laptop at the desk. She double clicks an icon on the desktop and the now infamous lesbian love connection chart opens. Her name is centered on the screen; to the right is Gabby's name, and above Gabby is Nadia. Alice rubs her neck. She clicks the mouse and a line shoots off from Gabby's name, toward the edge of the screen.] INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT [The door is open. Jenny is sleeping at her desk. Tina comes in, and lightly knocks on the door. Jenny suddenly sits up; she's wearing some huge, thick, funky-looking reading glasses.] Jenny: Oh, hey! Tina: Hey. Jenny: Hey. (takes off glasses) Tina: I just wanted to see how you were doing. Jenny: (standing) Good, good, good. Tina: Are you working? I don't want to bother you if you're working. Jenny: No, no. I haven't really, uh... I haven't been able to focus. But I'm - I'm doing good. Tina: No more dizziness? Jenny: (shakes head) Mm-mm, no. I don't know what happened, I was just sort of... standing there, watching Tim, and... Tina: Marina. Jenny: Marina. [Tina seems very caring and concerned.] Tina: Um. Y'know, Jenny, I know it's none of my business, but, I wanted to tell you that if you want to talk to someone... about anything... you can talk to me if you want to. I know, um... how... intense this can... be. Keeping it pent-up can make it worse. It's no wonder you passed out. Jenny: I don't know what you're talking about. Tina: (a beat) (nods) Okay. Sorry. [Tina turns and begins to walk away.] Jenny: Um... hey. Did uh... [Tina stops and turns around. She slowly walks back to the door.] Jenny: Did... did Marina say something to you? Tina: No. She didn't. (two beats) Look, I know it doesn't seem this way, but this can be a small town. Sometimes it's... Jenny: (nodding) Okay. Because, you know, whatever you heard, it's just (smiles)... it's a lie, you know. It's just a rumor. Tina: (a beat) (chuckles) The lesbian community... can just be a hotbed of rumor and innuendo. [Jenny looks down.] Tina: I mean, you could look at someone and 25 people would know about it within an hour. Jenny: (mouths "Okay") Tina: If Marina... confided in someone, I'm sure it was just... as simple as saying she was attracted to you, and... [Jenny squirms and sighs, shaking her head.] Jenny: (whispering) I just can't believe she did that, you know... Tina: I... I didn't say she did. I... Jenny: (hands up) Thank you. Tina: ... just saying... word travels. Jenny: (nods) Thank you very much. [Jenny walks out of the garage, into the house, and closes the door, leaving Tina behind.] INT. - LOS ALAMENDROS RESORT - PENTHOUSE SUITE - NIGHT [Emptied dinner plates are on the coffee table, and Peggy and Bette are having a drink (a tiny bit tipsy), curled up on opposite ends of the couch, talking about art. Soft piano music plays in the background.] Peggy: Photography is my new passion. I bought a Salvador Dali etching this week, and a Duchamp. But my favorite purchase, by far, is my new Carla Marie Freed. Bette: Oh, god, she was brilliant. She was completely brilliant. [Bette leans forward and sets her drink on the coffee table.] Peggy: Poor, wretched addict. [Peggy reflects in silence. Bette sighs.] Peggy: What is your favorite Carla Marie Freed photograph? Bette: That's, just, that's (laughs) so difficult, I ... (shakes head, smiling) Peggy: Oh, please, don't be such a pussy! Favorite Carla Marie Freed photograph, post haste! Bette: Um... [As Bette thinks, Peggy raises her brows, waiting.] Bette: I - I would ha - I would have to say, it - it's "The Last Time I and You?" (smiles) [Peggy closes her eyes and smiles.] Bette: I've never seen the original. I mean, she destroyed all of her negs, you know. Even the reproductions are just... (sighs) I mean, she photographed the same woman for 12 years. [Peggy raises her brows and nods.] Bette: Can you imagine that? I mean, you - can you imagine that act of... looking. Looking, and seeing, and then re-seeing. Just to try to get to the truth of someone. Y'know, I mean, there is incredible mystery, and - and passion in that work. You know? (sighs) (smiles) Peggy: (smiles) I met her, just before she died. Yeah, it was in some... bistro in New York. She was high as a kite. And, you know, I was introduced to her, and she told me to go f*ck myself. [Bette and Peggy laugh.] Peggy: I totally loved her. Bette: (smiling) Oh, that's funny. Peggy: Just loved her. (whispering) Loved her. [Bette smiles. Peggy thinks for a moment.] Peggy: C'mere. Follow me. [Peggy gets up and goes to the back of the room. Bette follows, smiling.] Peggy: Close your eyes. [Bette closes her eyes. Peggy carries over an almost-life-sized, framed photograph that's wrapped in brown paper.]	Plan: A: Bette; Q: Who works on booking an art collection for her museum? A: her museum; Q: What is the California Art Center? A: Franklin; Q: Who is Bette's boss? A: Michael Tomlinson; Q: Who plays Franklin? A: the influential Peggy Peabody; Q: Who does Bette meet at a hotel in Santa Barbara? A: Peggy Peabody; Q: Who is Holland Taylor? A: Shane; Q: Who tries to convince Lacey to stop the rampage against her? A: Alice; Q: Who learns that Gabby is still untrustworthy? A: writer's block; Q: What is Alice suffering from while trying to write? A: the courage; Q: What does Dana finally muster to ask Lara out on a date? A: temptation; Q: What can Jenny not resist? A: Tim's back; Q: Jenny begins an affair with Marina behind who's back? Summary: Bette works on booking an art collection for her museum, the California Art Center, while her boss, Franklin ( Michael Tomlinson ), works against her. Mistaken for someone else, Bette meets with the influential Peggy Peabody ( Holland Taylor ) at a hotel in Santa Barbara. Meanwhile, Shane tries to convince her ex, Lacey, to stop the rampage against her. Alice learns that Gabby is still untrustworthy and breaks up with her again. She continues to try to write but suffers from writer's block. Dana finally musters the courage to ask Lara out on a date. Also, Jenny cannot resist temptation and begins an affair with Marina behind Tim's back.
Deaton: They're coming back, so we don't have much time to talk. Scott: What is that? Deaton: Rubbing alcohol. You don't want it to get infected, do you? You will heal the same, just not as quickly, because of Derek. Scott: Okay, how do you know all this? Actually, how - How do you know anything? Deaton: It's a longer story. What I can tell you, is that I know about your kind. Your kind? I can help. This. This is something different. Scott: Well, do you know what did it? Deaton: No. But the Argents will. And this is the crucial part, they'll have a record or book. It'll have descriptions, histories, notations, of all the things that they've discovered. Scott: All the things? How many different things are there? Deaton: I'm starting to think I need to buy a more prominent "closed" sign. Gerard: Hello, Alan. It's been a while. The last I heard, you had retired. Deaton: Last I heard you followed a code of conduct. Chris: If you hadn't noticed, this body is one of ours. Deaton: I did, I also noticed the gunpowder residue on his finger tips. So don't assume I will be swayed by your philosophy just 'cause I'll answer a few questions. Chris: He was only 24. Deaton: Killers come in all ages. Gerard: All ages, sizes, shapes. It's the last one that concerns us. Chris: How about you tell us what you found? Deaton: See this cut? Precise. Almost surgical. This isn't the wound that killed him. This had a more interesting purpose. Gerard: Relating to the spine. Deaton: That's right. Whatever made this cut, it's laced with a paralytic toxin, potent enough to disable all motor functions. These are the cause of death. Notice the patterns on each side. Chris: Five for each finger. Gerard: Each claw. Deaton: As you can see, it dug in, slashed upward, eviscerating the lungs and slicing through the bone of the rib cage with ease. Chris: Have you ever seen anything like this before? Deaton: No. Chris: Any idea at all what killed him? Deaton: No. But I can tell you it's fast, remarkably strong, and has the capacity to render its victims essentially helpless within seconds. Chris: If you're saying we should be cautious? We get it. Deaton: I'm saying you should be afraid. Be very afraid. Because in the natural world, predators with paralytic toxins use them to catch and eat their prey. This prey wasn't eaten. That means whatever killed him only wanted to kill him. In fact, killing may be its only purpose. Stiles: Hey! Hey? Wh - what do you think you're doing? All I needed was a starter. Mechanic: Yeah, but it looks like your whole exhaust system has got to be replaced here. Stiles: Why do I get the feeling you're slightly over - estimating the damage? Mechanic: It's probably gonna run you around like twelve - hundred parts and labor. Stiles: Are you kidding? This thing doesn't have a catalytic converter. And yes, I know what a catalytic converter is. Mechanic: Do you know what a limited slip differential is? Stiles: No - Mechanic: Yeah, coming on more like fifteen - hundred. Stiles: Okay. Just finish. I'll be back here, seething with impotent rage! Stiles: Oh. Nice. It's real sanitary. Quality establishment you're running here. Stiles: Figures. Stiles: No. Hey. Hey! Hey! Uh. Mechanic: Help me. Help me. Help! Help - Help me. Help me. Help me. Operator: 9 - 1 - 1, what's your emergency? Gerard: I didn't mean to scare you. Allison: It's okay, I was just - Gerard: Are you expecting someone else? Allison: Yeah - I mean no. No, definitely not. Gerard: Good. Then we can talk for a minute. Gerard: Oh. Thanks. Don't want to drop that. I'd be lost without it. When I was your age, I didn't even take vitamins. Now I'm choking down a cocktail of pills 3 times a day! But, I do what my doctor tells me, because I trust him. Trust is a commodity our family holds very high, you know? And my daughter, well, your aunt Kate died doing what she thought was right. Her intentions may have been a bit misguided - Allison: A bit? Gerard: I like that. Oh, you remind me of her. She challenged me, too. Allison: Is that what you want me to do? Challenge you? Gerard: I want you to trust me. You're gonna find yourself put in the position where you question the trust of people close to you. Even your closest friends. And when that happens, you have to know the trust you'd never question is family! Can I trust you, Allison? Allison: Yeah. Gerard: Not "yeah". Speak with conviction! Yes or no? Allison: Yes. You can trust me. Stiles: I told you, I just - I walked in and I saw the jeep on top of the guy, that's all. Sheriff: What's wrong with your hand? Stiles: Nothing. Can I just get out of here now? Sheriff: Look, if there's something you don't think you can tell me - Stiles: You think I'm lying? Sheriff: No, of course not. I'm just worried about you. Now, if you saw someone do this, if you're afraid that maybe they're gonna come back and make sure you don't say anything about it - Stiles: I didn't see anything. At all. Can I go now please? Sheriff: Sure. But not in your jeep. We're gonna have to impound it. Sorry kid, evidence. I'll see you at home. Stiles: All right, well, at least make sure they wash it. Allison: Scott? Scott: You okay? Stiles: Yeah. You were right. It's not like you. I mean, its eyes were almost like, reptilian. But there was something about them. Scott: What do you mean? Stiles: You know when you see, like, a friend in a Halloween mask, but all you can actually see are their eyes and you feel like you know 'em but you just can't figure out who it is? Scott: Are you saying you know who it is? Stiles: No, but I think it knew me. Derek: Does anyone wanna try not being completely predictable? Derek: That's the last time you do that. Erica: Why? Because I'm a beta? Derek: No, because I have someone else in mind for you. Isaac: Are we done? I got about a hundred bones that need a few hours to heal. Derek: Come here. A hundred and one. You think I'm teaching you how to fight? Huh? Look at me! I'm teaching you how to survive! Isaac: If they wanted us dead why aren't they coming for us now? What are they waiting for? Derek: I don't know. But they're planning something. And you, especially, know that's not our only problem. Whatever that thing is that killed Isaac's father, I think it killed someone else last night. Until I find out what it is, you all need to learn everything that I know. As fast as I can teach you. Mrs. Martin: Time to get up. Lydia: Go away. Mrs. Martin: You're going to be late for your appointment with the school counselor. Remember, we have a deal. Lydia: Remember, I told you I was fine. Mrs. Martin: Lydia, please. What did you do? Oh, my God, what did you do to yourself? Lydia, sweetheart. Why did you do that? Lydia. Peter: Nice gloves. Lydia: Thank you. Peter: So, what's your brand of psychosis? Lydia: Really? Peter: We're both here for something, we don't have to be ashamed of it. Lydia: I have an acute phobia of people prying into my personal life; you? Peter: Compulsively drawn to cute but narcissistic girls. Ms. Morrell: Are you ready, Lydia? Stiles: I'm so sorry about the other day. I'm trying. We'll get through this. Uh, I know, because I love you. I love you more than - oh, my God. I can't - You and Allison just have to find a better way to communicate. Scott: Come on, you're the only one that we can trust. Is she coming to the game tonight? Stiles: Yes! Okay, message complete. Now, tell me about your boss? Scott: He thinks that Allison's family keeps some kind of, uh, records of all the things that they've hunted. Like a book. Stiles: He probably means a bestiary. Scott: What? Stiles: A bestiary. Scott: I think you mean bestiality. Stiles: Nope, pretty sure I don't. It's like an encyclopedia of mythical creatures. Scott: How am I the only one who doesn't know anything about this stuff. Stiles: Okay, you're my best friend, you're a creature of the night, it's kind of like a priority of mine. Scott: Okay. If we can find it, and it can tell us what this thing is - Stiles: And who. Stiles/Scott: We need that book! Lydia: You're not even French, are you? Ms. Morrell: French Canadian. Lydia: Which means you're a Canadian. Who speaks French. And seeing as I'm placing my mental health in your hands, how about you tell me what, as a French teacher, qualifies you to be a guidance counselor. Ms. Morrell: I have a masters in behavioral psychology and have done over three - hundred hours of field work. Lydia: Hm. C'est va bien. Ms. Morrell: If you're really fine, what are you doing here? Lydia: Appeasing my parents, so they don't take away my car keys. Ms. Morrell: Have you talked to your friends about what happened to you? Lydia: Yeah, they're great. Totally supportive. Ms. Morrell: Do you trust them? Lydia: Implicitly. Ms. Morrell: Good. But, still be cautious. Lydia: Why? Because sometimes the people closest to you can be the ones holding you back the most? Ms. Morrell: Indeed. Did you read that somewhere? Lydia: I don't know. Maybe I heard it. Ms. Morrell: Well, sounds like whoever said it left an impression. Jackson: I need to see if you can brighten the resolution on this. Danny: Sure. Jackson: Whatever you find, you need to keep it to yourself. Got it? Danny: What's on it? Jackson: It's just me in my room, in bed. Danny: I'm supposed to watch you in bed? You remember all of the times I told you, you're not my type? Jackson: Just do it. Oh, and, uh, FYI, I'm everyone's type. Allison: I think you mean - Stiles: No, I mean bestiary. And the two of you, I don't want to know what's going on in your heads. Allison: Okay, um. Can you describe this thing? Stiles: Uh, it's probably like a book. Old, worn. Allison: Like, bound in leather? Stiles: Yes. Seen her grandfather. With a book like that. Stiles: Where. Does he. Keep it? Stiles: She says. Has to be. Office. Stiles: You know, drug dealers have been using disposable cellphones pretty successfully for years. Allison: My parents check every call, email and text message I send. Trust me, they'd find it. Stiles: All right, can you get the book? Allison: Not without his keys. Gerard: I need to warn you, by the way, you might need to be a little patient with me. Allison: How come. Gerard: I'll probably have a lot of questions seeing as I've never actually seen a lacrosse game before. [SCENE_BREAK] Jackson: What the hell is this? Dude, I thought I could trust you - Matt: Relax, it's my camera, okay. He just needed to ask me some questions. Danny: Matt's the one who found it anyway. Jackson: Found what? Matt: There. Jackson: There what? Danny: It's an edit point. It's been looped. Two hours worth. Jackson: What does that mean? Matt: That means there's two hours of footage. Missing. Coach: Come on, is that thing even a teenager? I wanna see a birth certificate. Who or what is that genetic experiment gone wrong? Stiles: Eddie Abramovitz, Coach. They call him The Abomination. Coach: Oh, that's cute. Jackson: McCall, what the hell are you waiting for? This is the semi - finals. Bring that 'roid - head into the ground. Scott: Me? You're the one who said that I was a cheater. Jackson: And that freak of nature being on the field is fair? Do something! Scott: I can't, not while Allison's grandfather is here. Allison: I knew I should have brought a warmer jacket. Gerard: You're cold, here take my coat. Allison: Are you sure? Gerard: Oh, yeah. Allison: Thanks. Gerard: Good God, is it always this violent? Player: I can't feel my legs. Ahhhh. Matt: He belong to you? Melissa: No, mine is still on the field. While I'm here really wishing that he would've stuck with tennis! You the year book photographer? Matt: No, I, uh, I just take pictures. Melissa: Just lacrosse, or other things? Matt: Anything that catches my eye. Stiles: Hey, Lydia, what's wrong? Lydia, come on - Lydia: Just go away. Stiles: What's wrong? Lydia: Look, I don't need anyone seeing my cry. Stiles: Ah, come on, Lydia. Look, you shouldn't care if people see you cry, all right? Especially you. Lydia: Why? Stiles: Because I think you look really beautiful when you cry. Coach: How many fingers am I holding up? Danny: Four. Coach: Say two. Danny: Two. Coach: Perfect, get out there, come on. Get out there and have a stick. Player: We're still short one player, Coach. Coach: Where's Stilinski? Where's Stilinski? You! You! You play lacrosse? Erica: Uh - uh. Derek won't like this. Boyd: Yeah. But I will. Coach: Oh, ha, ha, ha! We got ourselves a player! Lydia: You're gonna think I'm crazy. Stiles: Lydia, if you trust me on anything, you can trust me on this. There's nothing that you can say to me that'll make you sound crazy. Literally, nothing! Stiles: Can you just give me five minutes? I know, I'm sorry. Just, but, just stay here, continue crying - or not crying - if you want, or whatever works for you, um, but just stay here, and I will be right back, and then we can talk - About anything. Yeah? Okay, just five minutes. Stiles: Book, book, book. Nothing. Here. Oh m - Erica: Hello, Stiles. Coach: The bigger they are - The bigger they are! Stiles: Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh. Derek: Stiles. Stiles: Derek. Derek: What did you see at the mechanics garage? Stiles: Uh, several alarming EPA violations that I'm seriously considering reporting. Holy God. Derek: Let's try that again. Scott: You gotta get off the field, your eyes. Someone is gonna see you. Coach: Get it to McCall! Get it to McCall! Melissa: Oh, my God. Scott: I'm fine, I'm healing, it's okay. The book? Allison: It's not in his office, it's gotta be at the house. Let's look at your leg. Oh, my God, your leg is broken. Scott: Not for long. Coach: Don't move. Melissa: Scott Scott: It's okay. It's okay. I'm fine. I'm fine. Melissa: I could have sworn I literally heard bone breaking from where I sat. Coach: Heard it? I felt it. Scott: Seriously, guys, I'm - I'm fine. Allison: We should go. Gerard: Hold on. I want to ask him one more thing. Stiles: All right, the thing was pretty slick looking. Um, skin was dark. Kind of patterned. Uh, I think I actually saw scales. Is that enough? Okay, because I've somebody I really need to talk to - Hrr. All right, fine, eyes. Eyes are, um, yellowish. And slitted. Um, has a lot of teeth. Oh. And it's got a tail, too. Are we good? What? Wait, have you seen it? You have this look on your faces like you know exactly what I am talking about. Derek: Run! Stiles: Derek, your neck! Hey, come on. Where is it? Can you see it? Derek: I can smell it. Please hurry. Call Scott! Stiles, ah - Stiles: Where did it go? Do you see it? Derek: No. Stiles: Okay, maybe it took off. Derek: Maybe not. Victoria: Oh, good. You're back. Dinner's almost ready. Chris: How was the game? Gerard: Why don't you ask the star player? Scott: Hi. Gerard: All right. Why is everyone so quiet? Is it that uncomfortable that they dated? Chris: Did you ask them if they'd be uncomfortable? Gerard: Okay, I know it's been a few centuries since I was a teenager, but even back then, we dated and broke up all the time. Allison: We're fine. Right, Scott? Scott: Totally fine. Gerard: Then why did you break up? Scott: She - dumped me? Derek: You get me out of here before I drown. Stiles: You're worried about drowning? Did you notice the thing out there with multiple rows of razor sharp teeth. Derek: Did you notice I'm paralyzed from the neck down in eight feet of water? Stiles: Okay. I don't see it. Derek: Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop. Stiles: What's it waiting for? Chris: No offense, Scott. But I think maybe Allison felt the two of you were just growing apart? Gerard: As if the father's opinion isn't biased. How do you know they weren't as passionate as Romeo & Juliet? Chris: Romeo & Juliet committed ritual suicide. We could use a little less passion. Allison: Can we please talk about something else? Victoria: Brilliant idea. Chris: Scott. How about you help me grab dessert from the kitchen? Chris: Do I need to fill you in on the details of what would happen to you if he found out what we all know? Scott: I'm kind of wondering what would happen to you, actually. Chris: Oh, it wouldn't be very good for me. But then I'd have plenty of chances to redeem myself. And that - wouldn't be good for you. Stiles: Wait, did you see that? I don't think it can swim. Allison: Do you mind if we're excused, there's actually some notes from English I need to go over with Scott. Chris: I'm not sure it's appropriate. Gerard: Okay, I'm the one that's supposed to be old - fashioned here. The two of you? Go! Allison: Come here, come here. Allison: All right. There goes that plan. Scott: Wait. Actually - let me try something. Allison: You wanna do a few banks later? Scott: Salmon, tarte, crème fraiche, what is this? Allison: A recipe. It's a cookbook. Gerard: Oh. Mm - hmm. Two days to prepare and worth it. Stiles: Okay. Okay, I don't think I can do this much longer. Derek: No, no, no. Don't even think about it. Stiles: Would you just trust me this once? Derek: No. Stiles: I'm the one keeping you alive, okay, have you noticed that? Derek: Yeah. And when the paralysis wears off, who is gonna be able to fight that thing, you or me? You don't trust me I don't trust you. You need me to survive, which is why you are not letting me go. Stiles! Allison: Shut it off! Shut it off! Scott: I know, I'm sorry. Stiles: Scott! Scott: I can't talk right now. Derek: Tell me you got him. Scott: Without we have no idea what this thing is. Allison: Where else do we look? Scott: Well, what haven't we thought of? Allison: Maybe it's not a book. Something else he keeps close to him. Huh. I know where it is. Scott: Principal Argent, Gerard. Mr. and Mrs. Argent, thank you for dinner. Um, I just realized that I have to pick up my mom from work. Gerard: I don't get it. What's not to like? Scott: Stiles, where are you? I need Gerard's keys, there's a USB drive on it. That's the bestiary. Stiles: I can't stay up any longer, I need something to hold on to. Stiles: Is that even a language? Scott: How are we supposed to figure out what this thing is? Derek: It's called a kanima. Stiles: You knew the whole time. Derek: No. Only when it was confused by its own reflection. Scott: It doesn't know what it is. Derek: Or who. Stiles: What else do you know? Derek: Just stories, rumors. Scott: But it's like us? Derek: A shape - shifter, yes, but it's - it's not right. It's like a - Stiles: An abomination. Scott: Derek? We need to work together on this. Maybe even tell the Argents. Derek: You trust them? Scott: Nobody trusts anyone! That's the problem. While we're here, arguing about who's on what side, there's something scarier, stronger and faster than any of us, and it's killing people and we still don't even know anything about it. Derek: I know one thing, when I find it? I'm gonna kill it! Gerard: Don't move. Even though I can practically feel the tissue around the blade already trying to heal, you never know with a beta. Besides, we'd lose this perfect picture. The kind old grandfather embracing his favorite grandson after hearing good news from the doctor. That's right. I can play the nice doddering grandpa who likes to cook and tell stories and be sweet and charming, and trust me, I can do it far better than you playing "average broken - hearted teenage boy". Are you listening? Scott: Yes. Gerard: Perfect. Now, you're gonna do me a favor one of these days and you're gonna do it, because if you don't, this knife goes in her. Scott? I truly believe that it's so much easier when bad things don't have to happen to good people. Don't you agree? Scott: Yes. Melissa: Hey, there. You okay? Scott: Yeah, fine. Everything's fine	Plan: A: Stiles; Q: Who is paralyzed by the creature's toxin? A: his jeep; Q: What did Stiles take in for repair? A: the creature's toxin; Q: What paralyzes Stiles? A: the mechanic; Q: Who is killed by the creature's toxin? A: Jackson; Q: Who discovers that there are over 2 hours of missing footage from the night he recorded himself? A: The creature; Q: Who attacks Derek and paralyzes him? A: the pool; Q: Where does Derek fall into after being attacked by the Kanima? A: Scott; Q: Who saves Stiles and Derek from the creature? A: Gerard; Q: Who blackmails Scott? A: Scott's secret; Q: What does Gerard know about Scott? Summary: When Stiles takes his jeep in for repair, he is paralyzed by the creature's toxin and witnesses it kill the mechanic. Jackson discovers there are actually over 2 hours of missing footage from the night he recorded himself. The creature attacks Derek and paralyzes him. Derek falls into the pool and Stiles jumps in to save him. They discover the creature cannot swim, so they stay in the water until Scott saves them. Derek realizes that the creature is a Kanima. Gerard reveals he knows Scott's secret and blackmails him.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Webber: The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. Cut to Meredith and Derek. Meredith: Dr. Shepherd, we should pretend it never happened. Derek: What never happened, you sleeping with last night? Or you throwing me out this morning? Meredith: No. You're an attending. And I'm your intern. Stop looking at me like that. Derek: Like what? Meredith: Like you've seen me naked. (Shepherd smirks) Cut to Bailey walking the interns around the hospital. Bailey: Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. Cut to when Cristina asked about the best-intern-surgery. Bailey: What are you doing here? Cut to George irritating Burke. Burke: You and I are going to have so much fun together. Cut to interns having lunch. Cristina: You know Meredith is inbred? George: Like it's uncommon around here to be a doctor's - Cristina: No, royally inbred. Her mother is Ellis Grey. Izzie: Shut up, the Ellis Grey? Cristina: Uh-huh. (fade to Ellis in the nursing home) She's a living legend. Ellis: (to Meredith) What's your name? Meredith: It's me, mom. Meredith. Ellis: All right. Cut to George and Meredith talking outside. George: We're going to survive this, right? Meredith enters the locker room and puts up a Roommates Wanted sign on the noticeboard. She wants non-smoking non-Bush-supporters with no pets. Meredith VO: (to city montage and Izzie/George/Cristina arriving) It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in line for a chance at the operating table, and then, there's the most important line. The line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell no one crosses them. We see Meredith talking to a blonde woman, another intern. Meredith: Look, I'm sure you're very nice, but I've very particular about who lives in my house and you're just not right. Blonde: Why? Look, I'm quiet, no loud music, no parties. Meredith: Where were you when the Challenger exploded? Blonde: The what? Meredith: The space shuttle. Challenger. Blonde: Uhh, I think I was in kindergarten. Meredith: Exactly. No. Cut to Izzie, Meredith and George in a corridor. Izzie: Why do you put up posters for roommates if you don't want roommates? Meredith: I do want roommates, we're together a hundred hours a week, you want to live together too? Cristina: No. Ooh, you're bringing bribes now? (Meredith has coffee for Bailey) George: I need a place to live. My mom irons my scrubs. I have to get out of there. Meredith: It's not a bribe, I don't think it's a good idea. George: But I can put down last, first and deposit. Cristina: It's totally a bribe. Izzie: I can cook. And I'm an obsessive cleaner. Meredith: No. I just want two total strangers who I don't have to talk to, or be nice to, and it's not a bribe, it's a mocha latte. Bailey: George, you're running the code team, Meredith, take the trauma patients, Cristina, deliver the weekend labs to the patients, Izzie, you're on sutures. Meredith: Dr Bailey. I was hoping to assist you in the OR today, maybe do a minor procedure? I think I'm ready. Mocha latte? Cristina: If she gets to cut, I want to cut too. Izzie: Yeah, me too. George: I wouldn't mind another shot, I mean if everybody else is... Bailey: Stop talking. Every intern wants to perform their first surgery, that's not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No. Why? Because my interns are whining. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having the trauma patients answered, having the weekend labs delivered, and having someone down in the Pit, doing the sutures. (takes the mocha latte) No one holds a scalpel until I'm so happy I'm Mary freakin' Poppins. Cristina: Mocha latte my ass. Bailey: Why're y'all standing there? Move! They move. Meredith moves to the elevator, where Dr. Shepherd is waiting. Derek: Seattle has ferry boats. Meredith: Yes. Derek: I didn't know that. I've been living here six weeks, I didn't know there were ferry boats. Meredith: Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides. Derek: Hence the ferry boats. (elevator arrives) Now I have to like it here. I wasn't planning on liking it here. I'm from New York. Genetically engineered to dislike everywhere, except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferry boats. (they're in the elevator alone) Meredith: I'm not going out with you. Derek: Did I ask you to go out with me? (pause) Do you want to go out with me? Meredith: I'm not dating you. And I'm definitely not sleeping with you again. You're my boss. Derek: I'm your boss's boss. Meredith: You're my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And you're my teacher. Derek: I'm your sister, I'm your daughter. Meredith: You're sexually harassing me. Derek: I'm riding an elevator. Meredith: Look, I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line. Derek: So, this line. Is it imaginary, or do I need to get you a marker? Meredith stares at him for a second, drops her folders and kisses him. He's just a tad surprised but catches on pretty fast, until the elevator doors ding and Meredith quickly crouches to pick up her folders and leave. Derek stands there looking bemused. Derek: We'll talk later? Cut to Meredith walking. Nurse: You the surgeon? Meredith: Yes. Nurse: We've got a rape victim. You better get in there. Nurse 2: 21-year-old female found down at the park, status: post-trauma, she came in with a GCS of 6, BP 80 over 60, head trauma, unequal breath sounds, right pupil is dilated, and she's ready for x-ray. You ready to roll? Meredith has seen the girl's shoes, which are identical to the ones she wore to work. Nurse 2: Hey! Meredith: Yeah. Call it in to clear CT, let them know I'm coming, load up the portable monitor, call respiratory for a ventilator, I'll get x-rays while I'm down there. Cut to the rape victim's surgery. Derek: She's going to spend a hell of a lot of time in recovery and rehab. Burke: If she survives. Derek: What is she, like, 5'2�, a hundred pounds, she's still breathing after what this guy did to her? If they catch the guy, they should castrate him. Burke: See how sh1t her hands are? She tried to fight back. Derek: Tried to? Rape kit came back negative. She kicked his ass. Burke: So, we have a warrior among us, huh? Meredith: Alison. Her - her name is Alison. Derek: Alison. Burke: I think I may have found the cause of our rupture. (pulls out a piece of flesh) What is this? Does anyone know what this is? (he isn't testing) Meredith: Oh my god. Burke: What? Spit it out, Grey. Meredith: She bit it off. Burke: Bit off what? (other people echo him) Meredith: That's his...his pen1s. (shocked groans) She bit off his pen1s. Burke can't get it into the tray fast enough. Opening sequence. Burke and Shepherd wash up after the surgery. Burke: If she can fight off the infection she'll be fine. Derek: That's all dependant on whether she wakes up in the next 72 hours. Burke: You know, we should get a drink later. You can tell me the long story of what makes a hot-shot doc leave the Big Apple for Seattle. Derek: It's a short story actually. Your chief of surgery (Webber) made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Burke: Richard asked you to come? Derek: Yeah. Why? Burke: Oh, nothing. Derek: See you later. Cut to Cristina and George: George: Do you know what the code team does? Saves lives. I shock a heart and someone lives to see another day. It's upbeat. It's glass half full. Cristina: Bambi, don't say another word until after the hunter shoots your mother. George: I don't like you. Cristina: Well, I have a B.A. from Smith, a Ph. D from Berkeley, and an MD from Stanford and I'm delivering lab results. It's going to take me all day to get through these. It's going to take me all day to get through these. Bailey: Then get started. Cristina: Oh, uh, I wasn't complaining. I-I don't - Bailey: This intern was reassigned, so he's mine, now (it's Alex). Have him shadow you for the day. You show him how I do things. Alex: Alex Karev, nice to meet you. Cristina: The prig who called Meredith a nurse, yeah. I hate you on principle. Alex: And you're the pushy overbearing kiss-ass, I, uh, I hate you too. Cristina: Oh, should be fun then. George's pager beeps. Cut to George running along a corridor followed by the code team. They enter a patient's room to beeping. George: Okay, I'm George O'Malley, I'll be running this code. What've we got? Nurse: We've got a 57-year-old male, he's asystolic. Charge them to 200, please. Nurse 2: Clear. Cut to Izzie and an Asian woman. Izzie: All right, Mrs. Lu, I'm Dr. Stevens, I'm going to sew up your wound, and you're going to need...yeah, about six stitches. Are you allergic to any medication? Mrs Lu says something in Mandarin. Izzie: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't - I don't, um...do you speak English? Mrs Lu continues to speak in her language. Izzie: I'll find, um...(to everyone in the room) does anybody here speak Chinese? (no response). Cut to Meredith carrying a small esky. She knocks at the chief's office, an older woman is in there. Meredith: Hi, is the chief in? Woman: He's on his way. Is that it? Meredith: Yeah. Woman: Can I see it? (Meredith looks down at the box and up again) No, forget I asked. Webber: (entering) Meredith, it's good to see you. Hey, I heard your mother was leaving mail? She going back with the U.N.? Meredith: She's, ah, taking time off. Webber: To write another book, I suppose. Meredith nods. Meredith: Listen, so they said to bring this to you, so...? Webber: Yes, for the police. Meredith: Right. Webber: When did the police say they'll come? Woman: You know how slow they are. So, she'd better take it with her. Meredith: What? Woman: You have to take it with you. Webber: Chain of custody rules. All medical matter and array must stay with the person who collected it, until it's placed in police custody. Woman: You collected the specimen, so you have custody. Meredith: Custody of a pen1s. Webber: Yes. Until the cops come for it. Meredith: Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do with the pen1s? Webber has no answer. Cut to Cristina and Alex giving lab results to a family. Cristina: You have a disorder called multinucleate cell angiohistiocytomum. It's not a cancerous sarcoma, it's very rare but minor. You'll be discharged today, okay? Patient: I don't need a surgery? Cristina: No. Patient: I - I'm not going to die, I'm fine? Cristina: Fit as a fiddle, or whatever. The family laugh with relief. One kisses and hugs Cristina. She's about as thrilled as you might expect and looks at Alex, who is smiling at her. Cut to Meredith placing her esky on a desk where George is working. George: What's that? Meredith: Don't ask, you don't want to know. George: I do want to know. Really. Meredith: You really want to know? (he nods) It's a severed pen1s. George: Oookay. I didn't really want to know. Cristina: I don't know why I have to be the one who gets hugged. Alex: Because. I don't do that. Besides, you're the ovarian sister here. Cristina: Did you just call me an ovarian si- an ovarian - since when has the possession of ovaries become an insult? George: Meredith's carrying a pen1s around in a jar. Cristina: Oh, from the rape surgery? (goes to look) Meredith: Yeah, and it's not a jar, it's a cooler. Cristina: Talk about taking a bite out of crime (leaves) George: (to Meredith) You okay? Meredith: Yeah...Alison's shoes. The rape victim, Alison, her shoes. I have the same ones. In my locker. And I normally never wear them, because they're not comfortable, but today I did, and she was wearing the same shoes, and it's just...stupid, and I'm tired, and forget it. George: You know what you need? (they stare at each other) Meredith: No. It's sick and twisted. We said last time was the last time. (George looks away). You've been doing it without me? George: Nancy Reagan lied. You can't just say no. Come on. Meredith: Do you know what would happen if anyone knew? George: I'm doing it. You can come with me...or you can stay here, and be miserable. Cut to a baby waking up, and then others. It's a nursery, George and Meredith are outside. George does baby talk. Meredith: You are such a woman. George's pager beeps. George: It's a code. I gotta go. Meredith watches them and sighs. Meredith: You are really cute. We focus on one baby. Meredith's worried. A close-up shows his face is going blue. Fadeout. Now Meredith's in there, checking him with a stethoscope. He looks okay now. Another intern walks in. Other intern: What are you doing in here? Meredith: There were no tests ordered. And the baby has a murmur. Intern: I know. Meredith: He turned blue. Intern: You're surgery, you're not authorised to be in here. Do you know how much trouble you can get into for this? Meredith: Are you going to do any tests? Intern: It's a benign systolic ejection murmur. It goes away with age. Meredith: So you're not going to do any tests. Intern: He's not your patient, he's not even on your service. Meredith: Are you sure it's benign? Intern: I'm a doctor too, you know. You should get out of here. Meredith gets her pen1s and goes. Cut to Izzie and the Chinese woman. Cristina: You get a good case? Izzie: No, her. She won't let me sew her up. (Chinese woman speaks again) I wouldn't have called you, but I can't get hold of the translator. Can you just ask her what's wrong? Cristina looks to the woman and back to Izzie. Cristina: No. Izzie: Why not? Cristina: Because I grew up in Beverley Hills. The only Chinese I know is from a Mr. Chou's menu. Besides, I'm Korean. (leaves) Chinese woman sighs. Cut to Webber running into Burke. Burke: Chief! So you asked Shepherd to come to Grace. Webber: He's an old student of mine. Burke: Oh. He left a private practice because you asked. Webber: Yes. Burke: No other reason? Just a favour for an old professor. Webber: It'll be years before I retire. Burke: Chief of Surgery is mine. Chief of Surgery is mine. Webber: It was yours, now I'm not so sure. Burke: I am the best surgeon at Grace with the lowest mortality rate, you can't just bring some guy in from - Webber: Now ask me why I'm not so sure about you. Ask me why. Burke stalks off. Cut to Cristina and Alex. Cristina: Don't people get sick anymore? Alex: I mean, how are we supposed to get any OR time if everyone's gonna just live? Cristina: Look, I'll take ten, and you take ten. Get in, get out. No smiling, no hugging, no letting them cry, just be quick about it. Alex: You're the one that's slow. Cristina: I am not the one that's slow. You are slow. Alex: You wanna bet? Cristina: Yeah, you're on. Cut to Cristina and Alex rushing through the results (separate cases). Cristina: A comprehensive workup - Alex: - did not reveal any vascular abnormalities. Cristina: Your Doppler was negative, Alex: for deep venous thrombosis, so there's no need for chronic anti- Cristina: coagulation, or an IBC filter. Alex: Your biopsy was however positive for - Cristina: a mixed anaerobics - Alex: non group A streptococcie infection. Cristina: Your BEO and encriatan elevations had us worried - Alex: about rapidly progressive phlameleonephritis - Cristina: Which could've seen you with an autoimmune disease. Patient: What does that mean? Cristina: We're not going to amputate your leg. Alex: You get to keep your kidneys. Cristina: Congratulations (is hugged). You can go home today (hugged by another patient). Alex: Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Whatever. (beats a hasty retreat, then we see him backing away from a patient with arms outstretched like a zombie, then he ducks under another patient's arms, who hugs his wife instead while Alex runs for it). Cristina: (in different instances) Congratulations. There's nothing wrong with you. You're gonna be fine. Congratulations. Cut to George running with the code team. Cut to Meredith talking to a bunch of interns. Meredith: What's your favourite 80s group? Intern 1: Queen. Meredith: No. Intern 2: Twist Your Sister. Meredith groans and gets up to leave. Intern 2: It's not like there's a right or wrong answer to that question! Meredith: (leaving) The Go-Gos, Duran Duran, Eurythmics... Cut to Alex and Cristina rushing around. Alex: Have a nice day. Cristina: You can go home today. Cut to George running around with the code team, then George standing at the end of a bed, looking unhappy. Beeping noise. George: Time of death, 15:45. Cut to Meredith looking at the rape victim. Derek comes over. Derek: Meredith. I've called every hospital in the county. Sooner or later, the guy that did this is going to seek medical attention, and when he does, that pen1s you're carrying around is going to nail him. Meredith: Where is her family? Derek: Doesn't have any. Meredith: No siblings? Derek: No. Both parents are dead. She just moved to Seattle three weeks ago. Welcome to the city. Meredith, you okay? Meredith: Yeah. I'm fine, I just...have to do something. I have to go. Derek: Right. I'm going to sit with her. Cut to Meredith chasing Burke. Meredith: Dr Burke? Burke: Mmm? Meredith: There's a baby up in paeds, I saw him have a tet spell, and I think I hear a murmur. Burke: Mmm. Did paeds call us for a consult? Meredith: Actually, no, they're not doing anything about it - Burke: So you want me to what? Meredith: If you could just go up and look at him - Burke: Mm-hmm, not without a paeds consult. Meredith: Yeah, but - Burke: I'm a busy man, Grey, and there are rules. Look, it's not like I'm the Chief of something. He leaves. Cut to Izzie bandaging up a man's hand. Man: You're hot. Izzie: You're drunk. Hold still. Man: Wait, you're that girl, from that magazine, the one, that red bikini? Izzie: Yeah, it was pink. I'm done, you can see the nurse outside now. The Chinese woman comes up and starts talking again, distressed. Man: Is she crazy or something? Izzie: No, I don't think so. (motions for him to leave). Kay, please, please sit down, I really need to look at your arm. (woman does) Okay. Izzie gets to work, the woman speaks, Izzie looks up at her but doesn't know what to do, so she gets back to the arm wound. Cut to Meredith and Cristina in the lobby. Cristina: What're you doing down here? Meredith: Just sitting here with my pen1s. What about you? Cristina: Hiding from Alex. Meredith: I kissed Derek. Cristina: You kissed Derek. Meredith: In the elevator. Cristina: Oh, you kissed him in the elevator. Meredith: I was having a bad day. I am having a bad day. Cristina: Oh, so this is what you do on your bad days. Make out with Dr. McDreamy. (they get up to leave) Meredith: Well, that, and you know, carrying around a pen1s just makes everything seem so shiny and happy. Cristina: Mmm. George said Alison was wearing your shoes. Meredith: Yeah. It's weird, right? Cristina: It's weird that you care. Meredith: I think it's weird. They hear a car swerve and, looking through the glass at what we can't see, rush outside. A man is staggering out of his car, his clothes soaked in blood, mainly around his crotch.. He collapses. In seconds there are doctors and nurses checking him. Cut to Meredith calling security and then pulling the man's bed with other hospital staff. Bailey: So, what've we got? Meredith: Take a look. Bailey: What? (looks) All right, let's get him into OR 1. Meredith, you call the chief and let him know we got the rapist. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Meredith and Cristina, masks on, in the OR. Meredith: I saw Alison, you can't believe the beating that she took. And then to see this... Cristina: It's like that old saying, you should see the other guy. Bailey: Why are we not attempting to reattach the severed pen1s? Cristina: Teeth don't slice, they tear, you can only reattach with a clean cut. If she wanted to slice him off with a knife... Meredith: Besides, the digestive juices didn't leave much of the flesh to work with. Bailey: Right, so what do we do? Cristina: Sew him up minus a large part of the family jewels. Bailey: And his outlook? Meredith: He'll be urinating out of a bag for a very, very long time. Cristina: Not to mention he'll never be able to have s*x again. Meredith: Oh, too bad. Cristina: Shame. Bailey: Let's all take a moment to grieve. Clamp. Cut to Webber coming out of an OR. Burke: Richard. Webber: We got the rapist. He stumbled right into the hospital. Burke: Yeah, I heard. Webber: Listen, Burke... Burke: Why? Webber: You really want to know? Burke: I want to know when you stopped thinking of me as your number one. Richard, I do more in this hospital than any other surgeon. Webber: You do only exactly as much as is necessary. You never take an extra step, you never give an extra minute. You're comfortable. And arrogant, and it doesn't impress me. You want to be chief, earn it. (leaves) Burke sighs. He sees Meredith, she's wheeling a patient around. He walks off. Cut to Alison. She's unconscious, Derek is watching her. He slumps into a chair. Cut to Izzie and the Chinese woman. Izzie's done. Izzie: I'm sorry. I have patients lined up, I don't have time, I don't understand you. I'm sorry. (sighs) The Chinese woman finally nods, says something that sounds final, and leaves. Shot of Seattle at night, clouds rolling in, then of Alex, in the spare beds + empty corridor area. Alex: My head hurts. Cristina: Maybe it's a tumour. Alex: Yeah, you wish I had a tumour. Cristina: Look, I'd rip your face off if it meant I got to scrub in. Izzie walks in. Izzie: I have been suturing all day. My hands are numb. George: At least you're helping people. Alex: At least you get to practice freaking medicine. Izzie: I had to send one Chinese lady away. She was like, camped out down there. Cristina: Oh, poor Izzie, turning away patients, boo-hoo. Meredith enters. Meredith: So the police say that they can't send down the crack crime scene guy for hours. So I have to spend the night with a pen1s. Alex, don't say it. Alex: Ahh, it was too easy anyway. George: Who here feels like they have no idea what they're doing? Everyone raises their hands, except Alex. George: I mean, are we supposed to be learning something, because I don't feel like I'm learning anything. Izzie: Except how not to sleep. Cristina: It's like there's this wall, and the attendings and the residents are over there, being surgeons, and we're over here, being... Meredith: Suturing, code running, lab delivering penis-minders. Alex: I hate being an intern. Bailey comes in and looks expectant. They get up and leave. She sits down and starts eating someone's chips. Meredith is back near the babies. She sees the parents of the boy she's worried about. Meredith: Hi. Mother: Hi. Meredith: Is he yours? Mother: (smiling) Yeah. Meredith: He's adorable. We see the paeds intern checking on him. She looks up and sees Meredith talking more seriously to the parents. Paeds Intern: Oh, please. (comes out to them) You are so out of line. Father: She says the murmur might not be benign. Meredith: I think we should do an echo, to check. Paeds Intern: This is your career. (goes back to get her resident) Meredith: There really is no reason to get alarmed. Paeds intern returns with her resident. Resident: What's the problem? Mother: If our baby is sick, we want him treated. Now. Resident: Who said your baby was sick? Paeds Intern: Her, the surgical intern who has no business on our service. Resident: Who authorised you being here? Meredith: I was just, actually - (Burke comes up behind her) Burke: I did. Could you excuse us for a second? (takes the resident aside) Resident: Dr Burke. Burke: Are you messing with my intern, Dr. Kerr? Kerr: No, sir. Burke: Give me the chart. Paeds Intern: There's nothing wrong with him, I checked. Burke: Are you sure? Paeds Intern: Yes. Burke: You can guarantee that he is fine, you are 100% sure. Intern looks hesitant. Kerr: How sure are you? Paeds Intern: I don't know, 75%. Burke: Not good enough. He's my patient now. That okay with you, Dr. K? Kerr: Absolutely. Paeds Intern: (quietly and indignantly to her resident) He can take our patient? Kerr: He's an attending. Burke: Which means I can do whatever I want. (returns to parents) Mr and Mrs Johnson, I'm Dr. Burke, head of cardio, we're going to run some tests and give you an answer within the hour. Grey, (to parents) excuse me, (leaves with Meredith) I want an EKG, a chest x-ray, and an ECHO. I don't have all day. Meredith: You're a busy man. Burke: I'm a busy man. They walk off, past Izzie. Izzie: (to secretary) Anybody else? Woman: No. Izzie: Good. I need a bed. (sees the Chinese woman leaving) Ms. Lu? Izzie follows the woman outside. It's nighttime, and pouring rain. She stops before going into the rain. Izzie: Ms Lu! Ms Lu, wait, Ms Lu! (Ms Lu beckons) What is it? Izzie follows her across the street. Inside a junkyard, Ms Lu is talking to a girl, who's clutching a rag to her forehead. Ms Lu sees that Izzie's come over, and the girl shows Izzie her forehead. Izzie: Oh my god. She's got some kind of cut, and there's dried blood all over her forehead. Izzie comes over to take a closer look. Izzie: It's okay. It's okay. (to Ms Lu) I'll help. A few minutes later, Izzie is examining it with a penlight. Izzie: It's deep. I need to clean it out...(she makes hand motions, trying to get the message across). Girl: Machine, it broke in the factory, it fall. Izzie: You speak English. Just, if you could come inside...(takes girl's arm) Girl: No, no, no, no inside, no, no, jail. Mrs Lu is getting worried, but Izzie is undeterred. Izzie: Jail? She came inside... Girl: She green card! Me, no. Izzie: You're illegal. That's okay, we don't have to tell them that, I just need to get you inside, I have to sew that up. Girl: No, no inside. No inside. Izzie: Please. I promise, I promise you won't go to jail. You just - it's raining, please, come inside. The girl and Ms Lu get upset and start speaking their native language, getting up to leave. Izzie: Okay! Okay. Okay. Not inside. They sit back down. Izzie: Okay, wait here. Wait. I'll come back. I'll be back. Cut to Meredith walking down a hallway. She sees Burke. Meredith: Well? Burke: It's a birth defect. Tetrology affirmed lower pulmonary artresia. You were right. I'm booking the OR for tomorrow. Meredith: Thank you for backing me up on this. Burke: Whoa, whoa, wait, whoa. You were right. But if you ever pull a stunt like that again...going to the parents behind a doctor's back? Trying to steal a patient from another service? I will make your residency year hell on earth. We see him leave to speak to the parents. Meredith looks happy. Cut to George and the code team. Cut to Cristina getting hugged, then walking with Alex, then cut to Izzie stuffing her pockets with medical supplies, then Derek doing paperwork, checking on and sitting with Alison. Cut to Izzie leaving the supplies room, cut to George saying �damnit' as they lose another patient, and walking out, cut back to Izzie, now dabbing at the girl's cut. Izzie: Okay. You're all sewn up. That's pretty good; I could've done a better job if I had more light. You might have a scar. Girl: Is good. Izzie: You're going to need to come back, in five days. Okay? I'm going to need to check the wound and remove the stitches. Okay? Here's my pager number, on this card, right here, okay? We'll meet, right back here, okay? You have to come back, but you can't tell anybody that I helped you outside of the hospital or I might lose my job. Understand? Girl: Yes. Come back, and don't tell. Izzie: (smiling) Yes. Okay, that's it, I'm done. You can go. I'll see you in five days. Girl: Yes, see you. They walk off, Izzie packs up. The older woman comes back and takes Izzie's hand, still speaking her own language but obviously thanking her. Izzie: Thank you. Back inside the hospital, Burke has come over to Bailey. Burke: Do you think I'm too competent? Bailey: No. Burke: Don't lie. Bailey: You are my boss. Burke: All right then, anything you say in the next thirty seconds is free, starting now. Bailey: I think you're cocky, arrogant, bossy and pushy, you also have a god complex, you never think about anybody but your damn self - Burke: But I - Bailey: But what? I still have 22 more seconds, I am not done. Burke raises his eyebrows, looking sorry he asked but thoughtful. Cut to locker room. Cristina: I need a drink, a man or a massage. Or a drunken massage by a man. What's wrong with you? George: Lost five patients on the code team today. I feel like the angel of death. Cristina: George, 95% of all code patients can't be revived. Most of them are seriously dead before you even get there. George: What?! (sounding upset) Why didn't you tell me that when I was going on and on about how great it was going to be? Cristina: Because. You're George, and I'm Cristina. (leaves) Paeds Intern: His heart surgery is scheduled for the morning. I really did think I was right, you know. Meredith: I know. We almost never are. We're interns. We're not supposed to be right. And when we are, it's completely shocking. Paeds Intern: Are you - I mean, being an intern, do you feel... Meredith: Terrified. 100% of the time. Paeds Intern: Good, it's not just me. Meredith: No. Cut to Meredith going to see Alison. Derek's still there. Meredith: How is she? Derek: No change. Meredith: Have you been here all night? Derek: Mm-hmm. Yup. You know I have four sisters? Very girly, tons of kids. If I was in a coma, they'd all be here. I'd want them here. Having no one? Can't imagine that. Meredith: I can. Derek: What're you talking about, what about your mother? She'd be in here ordering all the surgeons around. She'd fly these cowboys in from Prague to do these amazing medical procedures. Meredith: That's true. I do have my mother. Derek: So we're kissing but we're not dating? Meredith: I knew that was going to come up. Derek: Don't get me wrong, I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing. More kissing, I say. Meredith: I have no idea what that was about. Derek: Is it going to happen again? Because if it is, I need to bring breath mints. Put a condom in my wallet. Meredith: Shut up now. (Derek laughs) There was this baby up in the nursery. He's brand new. No one's neglected him or damaged him yet. How do we get from there to here? She's wearing my shoes and someone's beat the crap out of her, and she's got nobody. Beeping. Alison's in trouble. Meredith hits an alarm on the wall. Derek: Her ICP's double, get OR! Put her in for a craniotomy. Fadeout to later. Meredith's leaning against the wall, Derek walks past, turns back to her. Derek: Hey. I, uh, I had to leave her skull flap off, till the pressure in her brain goes down. Meredith: She's not going to make it, is she? Derek: She's going to be fine. Meredith: If she ever wakes up. Derek: (nodding) If she ever wakes up. Cut to later on. Derek: Dr Burke! I'm off at six, you want to get that drink we talked about? Burke: No, I don't think so. Derek: Well, what about tomorrow night? Burke: Shepherd, you should know that Richard promised chief to both of us. (Derek doesn't really react) But you knew that already. Derek: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Burke: Mm. You're not the enemy, you're just the competition. They walk off. Cut to Meredith signing for the pen1s. Older woman: So here is where you put the signature, down here, the initials. Meredith: Mmm. Okay. Webber: It...just says that the, um...the... Older woman: pen1s. Webber: (laughing) I'm a doctor, it shouldn't be weird to say this, but I used to change her diapers... Meredith: I get it. Webber: It just says that it was never out of sight. Meredith: There you go. One pen1s. Webber: Officer. (police officer takes it and they go) Cut to OR for the baby. Burke: We'll be using a medium approach for a trans-ventricular repair with a right ventriculostomy. Let's open him up. Grey! Meredith: Yes, sir? Burke: Go scrub in. When we've finished cracking the baby's chest, I'll let you hold the clamp. Meredith: Seriously? Burke: Don't make me change my mind. Meredith: I'm going. Cut to Derek entering the rapist's room. He whacks the end of the bed to wake him up. Derek: I have good news and bad news. The good news is, Dr. Bailey stopped your bleeding. The bad news is, we're giving your pen1s to the cops. Have a nice life. He leaves and the rapist realises he's cuffed to the bed. Cut to Cristina and Alex giving more results. Cristina: The results of your labs were clean; the tumour's benign, you can go home today. The patient hugs her husband, who then goes for Cristina. Cristina acts fast and shoves Alex into his way. Alex gets a nice big hug, and Cristina leaves, pleased with herself. Cut to the OR, Meredith's holding the clamp. Meredith VO: At some point, you have to make a decision. (cut to her watching the babies again) Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. (we see the other interns are with her) Okay, fine, George and Izzie, you can move into the house. George: YES! Yes! Izzie: I can't believe you caved! (George and Izzie hug) George: Yes! (George and Izzie go, dancing) Meredith: I can't believe I caved. Cristina: I blame the babies. Toxic. Meredith VO: So, you can waste your life, drawing lines, (cut to Derek, on the phone outside Alison's room. Suddenly, he puts down the phone, mouth open. He's seen something) Or, you can live your life crossing them. (Low angle shot of Alison. Her eyelids are fluttering. They open and she sees Derek). Derek: Welcome back. Cut to Meredith leaving in her same-as-Alison's shoes. She walks over to the elevator...where Derek is waiting. Meredith VO: But there are some lines... Derek: So. It's intense...this thing I have for, ah, ferry boats I mean. Meredith VO: ...that are way too dangerous to cross. Meredith: (turns to smile at Derek) I'm so taking the stairs this time. Elevator dings. Derek: No self-control. It's sad. Really. Cut to Meredith leaving. She runs to catch up with Izzie, George and Cristina. Meredith VO: But here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance...the view from the other side is spectacular. Fadeout.	Plan: A: Meredith; Q: Who is trying to figure out her relationship with Derek? A: George; Q: Along with Izzie, who moves in with Meredith? Summary: Meredith tries to figure out her relationship with Derek as George and Izzie move in with her.
Nate: Got it. [taking a group photo outside] Pam: Okay let's go in. I'm freezing. Michael: People, wait, wait, wait. Come back, come back. One fun one. We're gonna do a fun one. Jim: One Charlie's Angels. One. Let's go. Pam: Okay, this is just a Christmas card from your paper supplier. No one's putting this on their fridge. Kevin: Oh, I got it, you guys, how 'bout this. Michael, what if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other. The boys are like, 'why I oughta', and the girls are like, 'let's go shopping!'. Andy: Let's just jump in the air! Michael: That's it! That's a picture! Yes! Jump in the air. We're gonna jump in the air. Here we go. Pam: Okay. Nate: One, two, three. [everyone jumps at different times] Not everyone jumped. Michael: Okay, everybody jump in the air this time, please. Here we go. Nate: One, two, three. [everyone jumps] Still some people not jumping. Jim: You gotta be kidding me. Who isn't jumping? Dwight: I'll tell you who. Darryl, Phyllis, Stanley, Angela, and Oscar. Phyllis: I am jumping. Dwight: You are? Phyllis: Yes, I'm jumping. Dwight: Let me see you jump. [Phyllis barely jumps] Oh, my God. This is a store bought-camera. This isn't one of those special military-grade cameras that would be able to capture that. Pam: I'm freezing. Nate: Um, also, Erin is jumping way too early. She's on the ground by 'three'. Erin: I didn't want to miss it. Andy: Well, if we all jump really high, we'll be in the air longer. Do that. Oscar: Here's a question nobody's asking[/b]: Is this worth it? Michael: Don't answer that. People, listen up and listen good. We need to just get one picture where we're all in the air at the same time. Yes? Oscar: Why? Michael: I believe in us. We can do this. Here we go. Nate: Okay, on three. Uh, everyone in the air. Three, [some people jump] two, [others jump] one, [others jump] zero. [everyone begins to yell] Michael: We didn't get it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm the office administrator now, which means I'm basically being paid to be head of the party planning committee. The first thing I did as head... I shut it down. At its best it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best it planned parties. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: It hardly looks fake. It's so lush. Jim: Why's it smell real? [Pam shows him a hidden car-freshener] Ah... good one. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, ho, ho, ho! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, little children! [dressed as Santa] All: Merry Christmas. Michael: How's everybody doing today? Erin: Good. Michael: How's the party coming along? Pam: Great. Michael: Are we over budget? Pam: Nope. Michael: No? Good. Did anyone get drunk already? Meredith: Not yet! Michael: Good for you. Angela, lay it on me. What's the problem? Angela: Nothing. Should be fun. Michael: So Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today? Stanley: [cheerily] Pam got those sugar-free cookies I like. I'm doing fine. Michael: Alright. Well, I will be in my office making toys for the good children. Andy? Andy: Yea? Michael: Whatcha got? Andy: All good, Santa. Michael: Well, that's a relief. Santa's gonna take some much-needed free time. Alright. Good! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: My kids are growin up. As a boss, I look at that and say great. It is exactly what a boss would hope would happen because that's what I want. That's what every boss wants is a, is a wonderful Christmas with no drama. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: It's present time, you guys. [all react] Happy Holidays from your friends at Sabre. Gabe: We just want to say how grateful we are. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Sabre is actively looking for ways to involve me as minority executive trainee. So I suggested choosing the annual Christmas gift to the employees. And they said, "Oh, yes. Perfect. Thank you, Kelly. Finally, something for you to do." [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: It's a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve. Andy: Hello Kitty's for girls. Pam: Nashua got mp3 players. Phyllis: Yeah, I don't even have a laptop. Kelly: I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white. Meredith: Wow. Phyllis: Oh God. Dwight: Oh come on. Kelly: I said, "I wonder." I didn't say, "I think." Gabe: Kelly, I thought we agreed on fleece blankets. Kelly: Blankets, what am I, five? Gabe: Erin and I make great use of ours. [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: Yes, Erin and I are still dating. Why do you ask me so often if we're still dating? [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I'll take one of those pink pouches. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I feel good today. My little girl Jada? It's my turn to have her for Christmas this year. Two years ago I had her, and we had the best time. I tivoed her favorite shows, some things I've never heard of. iCarly... You know who's funny on that show? The friend with the video camera. He's got a nice way of talking. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, it's snowing. Dwight: [mocking] Oh, my God! It's the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate, and cuddle up with Papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams, hmm? It's not even a real snow. Look, it's a dusting. Pitiful. Jim: [Jim goes outside, makes a snowball, and brings it back inside] Hey, Dwight. [Jim throws the snowball at Dwight and everyone laughs] Dwight: Damn it, Jim, you cannot throw snowballs in here! Jim: Well, it's not a snowball, 'cause it's only a dusting. Right? Dwight: Look at that. There's a pebble in there. You coulda killed me. Phyllis: Oh, don't be such a baby. Stanley: Yeah, who's a little girl now? [everyone laughs] Dwight: You apologize to me right now. Jim: You've got something on your nose. Dwight: You apologize right now. Jim: No. Dwight: Very well, then I challenge you to a snowball fight on the first real snow of winter. Jim: You got it. Andy: That sounds awesome. Can we all do it? Dwight: No, Andy, it's a snowball fight. It's not fun. Go get your own thing. Beat it. [Jim continues to shake Dwight's hand] Jim, let go. Let go. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Angela, are you bringing you new boyfriend to the party. Angela: I wouldn't subject Robert to that. He's a very busy senator. Oscar: State senator. Angela: I would not expect you to know what it's like to date someone in the public arena. Oscar: Who are you dating in the public arena? Angela: The senator. Kevin: Oh, right. The state senator. Angela: We went to a picnic thrown by the Comptroller's wife. Kevin: Oh, that would be impressive... if anyone knew what a comptroller was. Oscar: Well... [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Do you have any idea how many photographers there are at a ribbon-cutting ceremony. I do. Two. "Angela..." [imitates camera shooting] "over here, Angela..." [imitates camera shooting] "here. Look here!" [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Before we kick off the party, I just want to remind everyone that an office party is just that... Michael: Yeah! Pam: A party. It's not an excuse to get really drunk or confront someone or have a cathartic experience of any kind. Michael: Pam? Pam? Dwight: Pam? Pam: Wow, there are, there are questions to that. Okay. Um, you know what, no questions. Last item on the agenda, Toby would like to make an announcement. Toby: Hi guys. Michael: Hi. Toby: Uh, I just wanted to let you know that, uh, I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week. Michael: Uh, because you've been on the Lam? Because the 'boring police' have been after you, and they finally caught up with you? Toby: Uh, no, the opposite. I was actually selected to be a juror on a very high-profile case. Michael: Yes, the case of the horrible red-headed sad sack. And the verdict, it was Toby. And the sentence, death. Death to Toby! Dwight: Death to Toby! Toby: Okay, that's hurtful talk. We've talked about that. You know, I don't interrupt your announcements. Michael: You know what you, you, you leave these huge pauses in your sentences. What do you expect me to do? Phyllis: What's the case, Toby? Toby: Well, I really can't talk about it, but it's a very high profile case. Andy: Is it criminal? Toby: Yes. Andy: Have we heard of it? Toby: I don't know. Dwight: Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a sx slave? Toby: Come on. Meredith: Was it the post office guy who rubbed his pen1s all over the mail? Toby: Guys, it's a really big deal. [rubs his neck] Ryan: He's rubbing his neck. He's rubbing his neck! Kelly: He's rubbing his neck. Ryan: He's rubbing his neck. Andy: Oh, Scranton Strangler! [all react] Toby: I can neither confirm nor deny this. Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty. [excited outbursts] Michael: That was the worst joke ever. Toby: Corporate will be sending someone else to take my place for a while. Michael: Okay. Okay goodbye, goodbye. Toby: Uh, Holly Flax, she comes from the Nashua branch. Michael: What? What? Toby: Yeah, uh, she'll be starting next week. If you have any questions about the transition, just let me know. Michael: Hold on, Holly's coming back here? Toby: Yeah. Erin: Guys, who's Holly? Michael: That is a great question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe a part of my future? Erin: Wow. Creed: She's one sassy black lady. Michael: Holly's coming back, everybody, and we have to have a party. Gabe: I'm not sure the temporary replacement of an H.R. rep really warrants a party. Michael: You know what, we'll postpone this party until then. This is too important. Cancel this one. Dwight get rid of the tree. Dwight: Okay. Michael: Cancel. We're canceling it. [Michael starts to throw away all of the food] Angela: No, don't throw those out! Michael: No, we have to cancel the party. Angela: We can save that. Michael: No, no, no, we're gonna get fresh for Holly. Fresh and new. Andy: I bought these. Michael: I know. Andy: These cookies are fine. Michael: It's not. They're not. Fresh and new. Please let go. Please let go. Pam: Michael, Michael, wait we don't have, we don't have the budget for another party. Michael: Well then everybody'll chip in, it'll be fine. Pam: I honestly think you're idealizing people here again, Michael. I don't think that's gonna happen. Michael: You know what, I'll pay for it. I'll pay for the party. It doesn't matter. This is way too important. People, Holly's coming back, and this is the most important Christmas party of my life. So back to work. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Man, I worked hard. I worked so hard for this! I was after corporate constantly. I emailed Joe. I wrote letters. And, know who I end up owing this to is the Scranton strangler. Thank you. Thank you, Scranton strangler. I love you! You just took one more person's breath away. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We have always had good Christmas parties here, as you know, but they've never been cool. [imitating Sean Connery] The name is Bond... Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken, not stirred. Classic Brosnan. Santa... wonderful tradition. Everybody loves Santa. Everybody can't get enough of the jolly old man. But that is a myth, because you know what, he is not necessarily a big fat guy with a beard. He's not necessarily an old guy. No one knows what the real Santa Claus... God! Ow! [camera pans down to Angela pinning Michael's pants] Angela: Just stop moving your calves so much while you're talking. Michael: Well, this year's gonna be different. We're gonna have fun. It's not gonna be tacky. It's going to be, you know what, the food is going to be austere. It is not going to be tacky, deli platter food. It's not gonna have a big, fat, gross Santa Claus. It's gonna be cool, sleek Santa. Angela: Maybe I'll bring my boyfriend. I'll invite him. Michael: Okay. Sure. Angela: I mean, unless there's any chance there could be press at this party. Michael: You never know about the press. Angela: Well, I only ask because he's a senator. Michael: Could he help us with some parking tickets? Angela: I don't think that's appropriate. Michael: Well, then he's not a senator. Angela: Yes, he is. Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey. Jim: We still doing the gifts today? [Pam nods] I mean, it is the Christmas party. Well, the classy Christmas party. Pam: Yes. But don't get too excited, 'cause I didn't have a lot of time this year. Jim: Me neither. Whew. Pam: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I've been working forever on Jim's present. He always gives me the best Christmas gifts. He'll take a memory or a private joke, and he'll create something totally unique. I love them. So this year I made him something. A comic book. It stars Jimmy Halpert, a mild-mannered paper Salesman who, while riding his bike through the forest, is bitten by a radioactive bear, becomes 'bear man'. Wreaks havoc on the office. It's really good. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [A note is on Jim's computer that says, "It is time. Parking lot at noon." Jim nods and hands it to Dwight who burns it.] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay... [sighs] Oh, no, no, no, no! Fake tree. No, no! Pam: No, it has the little... Michael: Pam, no, no. Holly's coming from New Hampshire. Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that and thinks it's a burning cross. No, no. I want you to go and get a real tree. Take some money. Thank you. Bass Player: Hi, I'm looking for Michael Scott. Michael: Yes, that's me. Come on it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [scats awkwardly] There's nothing classier than boring Jazz music. I am here to tell ya. And I made a bit of a judgment call. I hired one musician, because I thought, what's better, to hire an entire quartet for half an hour, or one bassist for the entire day? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, uh, any volunteers to come with me to go buy a Christmas tree? Kevin: I would, but I don't want to get dirty. There might be girls at the party. Pam: Why do you always think that girls are gonna be at the party? No one invited girls. It's just us. Andy: I will help. Although my 'brid', my hybrid, my Prius hybrid, won't fit a tree. Which is ironic, considering how many trees it saves on a daily basis. Kevin: Yeah. Andy: I do, however, have a hookup with a dude who has a pickup. Pam: Oh, do you mean Darryl? That's a great idea. I'll ask him. Andy: You know Darryl? Pam: Yeah. He works here. We all know him. Andy: I should come along, just 'cause he's my, you know, he's my hookup. Pam: Cool. Darryl: Come on, now, Justine, look... Listen, look, I've been planning this, okay? You cannot do this, Justine. Justine: [on the phone] I'm not doing it! She told me she wants to have Christmas here. Darryl: She did? Justine: Yes. She wants to be around family for Christmas. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I don't know... I thought I was enough family for my daughter. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [Pam knocks on Darryl's door] Don't come in, I'm busy. [Pam opens the door] Andy: It's cool, Darryl, I'm here too. Pam: Hey, sorry, I really didn't want to come in. It's just that we have to go buy a new Christmas tree, and we're hoping we could borrow your truck. Darryl: Uh, no. Andy: Come on, it'll be fun. We could do doughnuts in the snow on the way back. Darryl: No. Thank you for your interest in my truck. Pam: Okay. Sorry. We'll uh, we'll leave you alone. Darryl: Hey... [sighs] You know what, I could use a breath of fresh air. Let's do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: When Holly gets here, I want you to be very helpful to her. Erin: I've looked her up online... there's nothing about her. She's made no impression on the internet. Michael: She doesn't need an internet presence, you just know. Erin: Oh... Toby: Hey. Michael: What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be in the courthouse. Toby: Uh, we're on recess. I came for the party. Hey, everyone. Kevin: Hi, Toby. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: What does the strangler look like? Is he gorgeous? He looks gorgeous in the drawings. Kevin: Yeah. Meredith: That scowl. Toby: I can't talk about it or I'll get removed from the jury. Michael: And then he will come back here and replace Holly, so stop asking him questions. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But, they talk to me for a while, and maybe people realize I have something to say. And then one day, we're just talking. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [standing outside, dials Dwight's cell phone] Dwight: [voicemail recording] You've reached the voice mail of Dwight Kurt Schrute. Please leave... [Jim hangs up and turns for the door. It is pad locked. Jim turns as Dwight springs from a nearby snowman and pelts him with snowballs.] Dwight: Ahhhhhhh!!!! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Jim: Stop! Stop! Dwight: Ahh! Jim: Oh... oh! Dwight: [grunting, shouting] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I have no feeling in my fingers or pen1s. But I think it was worth it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [dumps the remainder of the snow in his bag on Jim, then rests his foot on Jim and raises his arms in the air] Haahh!! [runs off] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Um, I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and uh, he just kept throwing 'em until he exhausted himself. And, uh, [cell phone chimes] then... [reading text message] "How 'bout icing it? lol. Dwight." [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: Hi. Erin: Hello. Holly: Is there any way I can get a hand with these, please? Erin: I'm really sorry, I can't help you. I'm waiting for my boss' pretty friend to arrive. Michael: There she is. Hey. Erin, would you help her, for God's sake? Erin: Oh, you're Holly! Of course. Sorry. Michael: Hello. Holly: [weak Clint Eastwood accent] Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Scott. You old bstrd. Michael: [imitating her accent] Well, I never thought I'd see your face around these parts, you old bstrd. Holly: Well I did show my face around these parts, you old bst*rd. Michael: [as Curly] Why, you're some sorta wise guy, huh? Holly: [as Curly] I most certainly am. Michael: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! Holly: Unnnnnnngh! Michael: [as Homer] D'oh! Holly: [as Marge] Oh, Homey. [they both laugh] Jim: Okay... Holly's back. Michael: Hi. Hi. Oh... [they hug] Holly: [in monster voice] Oh, huggy monster! Michael: Oh no, not the huggy monster! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! [both sigh] Wow. Well, everybody, you remember Holly. Holly: Hi. Kevin: Did you bring us anything from Nashua? Holly: Oh, yeah. I brought um, some maple candy. But I have to admit, I got a little hungry on the drive, and I ate some of them. Michael: That's adorable. Holly: Would you put those out? Erin: To throw out? Or put out, like, six pieces for everyone? Holly: Oh, it's so nice to be back. It looks beautiful in here. Super classy. It's like a party for limousine drivers. Michael: Well, you came on the day of our Christmas party. Holly: Oh, it's fabulous. I love what you did. Michael: Isn't it wonderful? We love it here. Don't you love it? All right, let me show you to your desk. [in a stereotyped Mexican accent] I show you to your desk. Holly: [in the same accent] Watch out for my guns they're both loaded. [makes gun noises] Michael: What kind of guns do you have? Six-shooter? Jim: Aww... Holly: It's a pea shoot... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is weird. I can't believe you're here. This feels like you never left. Doesn't it? Holly: Yeah, kind of. Michael: Oh... Holly: Oh... Michael: Oh, and you have a Woody. Bah! [the both chuckle] Oh, I love toy... Holly: AJ gave me that. Michael: Well, that's understandable. Still raw. Woody your favorite character? Holly: Mmhmm. Michael: You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy's mom. Holly: Why? Michael: Because without Andy's mom, there's no plot. And without any plot, there is no movie. Holly: That is a really good point. AJ said he hadn't seen any of the Toy Story movies. Michael: You're kidding me. Ahh! Holly: No. I know. I was like, "What? Are you serious?" Michael: What a douche bag! Holly: Get a life! Michael: Get a... yeah! Good riddance. Holly: We sat down and we watched them all in one day. Michael: Mmhmm. Holly: Now he's the biggest Toy Story fanatic ever. Michael: Good for him. Holly: Next day I found him in my bed. Michael: Really? That's creepy. How did AJ get in your house? Holly: We live together. Michael: Oh, you do? Holly: He had a little note pinned to him that said, "You've got a friend in me." Michael: [fighting back tears] Yeah, Randy Newman's the best. Holly: Yeah. I love him. Michael: Me too. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [singing] Christmas tree, Christmas tree. Won't you be my Christmas tree. Pam: Hey, how about this one? Andy: Ehh, seems a little full of itself, right? Kind of a pretty boy? What if we got a really beat up one, like on Charlie Brown. And we just loved it for what it is? Pam: Maybe. I mean... Darryl: [on the phone] I just, no, she be talking to your mom or something. This is my daughter too, Justine! You seem to think, [Justine hangs up] oh... pick a damn tree already. Pam: Um, hey, Darryl, listen, it's none of my business, but if I couldn't have Cece for Christmas, I'd be really upset too. Andy: I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself. Darryl: Jada don't want to spend Christmas with me. She told her mom it wasn't as much fun. And how could she say that? You know, I took her to the toy store to buy her own presents. Pam: Well Darryl, no kid wants to buy their own Christmas presents. Darryl: Her mom wants me to take her to mass. I guess that's something to do. Pam: No, you should have her mom do the boring Christmas stuff on her time. You should be associated with the fun parts of Christmas. Darryl: How do I do that? Pam: Bring her to the party. Yeah, we'll have Santa, and we'll play games with her. It'll be a lot of fun. Andy: Yes. Pam: You'll be Mr. Christmas by the end of the night. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey guys, the tree's here. Michael: Hey. Andy: Nobody hug me, I'm covered in tree sap, so... Oscar: Why would someone hug you? Michael: Hey there, Jada. Nice to see you again. I'm Santa Claus. Welcome. Darryl: Are you serious? Michael: It's a sophisticated take. Jada: He doesn't look like Santa Claus. Darryl: No, he doesn't. [to Michael] I told her Santa would be here. Michael: Yeah, well, I was told that Holly would be here, single and ready to date. And we all got misled. Pam: Who told you that? Michael: Nora Ephron, in every romantic comedy ever made. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: So is it an open relationship? Holly: Oh, God, no. Kelly: Well, you're almost 40. Oh, do you not want kids? Holly: Oh, I want kids. I really want kids. But AJ and I are practically engaged. We talk about spending our lives together. Kelly: So where's the ring? Pam: Kelly! Um, how are you adjusting to the move? Phyllis: Nobody cares about that. Look, you have to make him commit, or kick his butt to the curb. Pam: You guys, I don't think any of us are really qualified to be giving Holly personal advice about her love life. Erin: Yeah, I mean, maybe Holly's not in any position to be shooing guys away. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I don't get it! I'm sorry. I just, I don't get it! [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose by the end of this year, we're over. Pam: Wow, an ultimatum. Holly: Yeah. Pam: It doesn't really seem like you. Kelly: That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [turns in Pam's chair with a Pam wig on and laughs maniacally] Jim: Don't. Stop, Dwight! [Dwight pelts Jim with snowballs] Dwight, stop! Dwight, stop! Dwight: Oh, no. Oh, no! Jim: Stop! Dwight: Oh, no. Yes, taste my wrath! Jim: Okay. Okay. Okay. Dwight: Huh? You like that? Jim: Seriously! Dwight: Huh? Jim: Okay. Okay. [Dwight throws another snowball and laughs maniacally] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when your gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I just want it to stop. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: So, cool right? Ryan: There's no connection between the origin story and the quest. Pam: Okay. Ryan: We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise, it's the bear's quest. Pam: Okay, well, I just sorta meant, like, cute, right? Ryan: Well, did you come here for help, or did you come here for me to tell you how great it is? Pam: I mean, help, if it's something simple, like add page numbers or laminate it or... Ryan: Well, it sounds like you know what you want. [Pam walks away] It's also a little derivative of a serias called 'Bear Man'. Did you look that up? Pam: No. Ryan: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Oh, Jim. Hey. Jim: Hey, Toby. Toby: There's this female uh, uh, stenographer at the courthouse... Jim: No way. Toby: Who looks exactly like you. Jim: That's increadible. Toby: Yeah. No, it's uncanny. Jim: You know what's crazy? Toby: What? Jim: I can't reconnect with you right now. Hold on one second. [he hurls a snowball at Dwight with a lacrosse stick, misses, and shatters a window, everyone gasps] Excuse me. [clears throat] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I guess there are just some people who you stay together with when you transfer, and some people you don't. And that's just the way it is. And I can be mature about that. [clip of Michael throwing Holly's Woody in the trash and pouring coffee on it] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: It's so cold. Even with my coat on. Meredith: Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car... for screwing Americans. Gabe: Yet another opportunity where a blanket would have come in handy. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: You guys, this has to stop. Someone could have really gotten hurt. Michael: What if Meredith was taking her smoking break below that window? You know what would have happened? The shards of glass would have shaved her face right off. And, yes, it might have been funny. But it also would have been incredibly tragic. Dwight: I could not agree more. And just want to state for the record that I am intending to sue Jim for acute psychological distress. Jim: What are you talking about? You're the one terrorizing me. Dwight: With snowballs, Jim? With fluffy little snowballs? No. I thought we were just playing. Holly: Dwight's right. What you did was dangerous and inappropriate. I'm really surprised at you guys. Last time I was here, you were both best friends. Michael: All this arguing reminds me of a very funny story. You see this on my desk? [he holds up a toy taxi cab] Know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City. Dwight: Wait, what girlfriend? Michael: I haven't told you about her. Dwight: I find that unlikely. You email me when you get a new zit. Michael: I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting. But you know what? I am not on trial here. The Scranton strangler is. So, anyway, we have this great weekend, and she drives me to the airport, and we get to JFK, but I am flying out of LaGuardia. So we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around Slo-mo, drinking latte. And at the end of the day, she gives me this, and she says, "Michael, maybe next time, you should take a cab." Holly: I didn't know you had a girlfriend. Michael: I do. She is. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Did you see her face? Well it seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex that still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: So you went homemade this year. Pam: Yup. Phyllis: Yeah. Money problems, is that what this is about? I mean, oh, dear, I don't think we can help you out. Pam: No, no. Jim had a great year, actually. I just wanted to get your opinion. Phyllis: Are you good at homemade? Pam: Look at this. Phyllis: Yeah... [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: [walks in with a dirty Woody] Who did this? It's obvious to me I'm not welcome here, but somebody better tell me who did this, or else I'm leaving. Phyllis: Well, I don't think Erin seems to like you. Erin: That's not true. I don't know her enough to make a decision even. Michael: What happened? What happened? Toby, what did you do? I think Toby's very jealous of all the attention you've been getting. Toby: No, I would never ever do anything like that. But it does seem like something you would do. Michael: Oh, really? Turn it on me. Well, isn't that nice? Thank you very much. Kevin: Wait, wait, guys, listen. Toy Story is all about toys that come to life when people aren't looking. You don't think... it's not possible... that Woody did this to himself. Michael: It is Christmas. Angela: No, it really seems like something Michael would do. Michael: Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Well, the fact that you would think that points to the possibility that it is probably not me. And that I have been framed. Andy: Why would anyone frame you for that? Jim: Okay, I'm sorry, why are we discounting this whole "Woody came to life" thing so quickly? Michael: Ahhhhhh! [laughs] Surprise! It was part of the party. Pretty funny, huh? Holly: You think this is funny? Michael: [laughs] I don't. But someday I think we will laugh about this... when we tell our kids... Jim: Yikes. [everyone gasps] Kevin: Oh no, that's, that's not happening. Dwight: Dear God in heaven. Michael: All right. Shh. Okay, you know what? Holly, I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. An accident borne of jealous feelings. Holly: Michael, you have to let this go. I'm with someone else. I don't feel that way anymore. Michael: Oh, really? You certainly seemed jealous when I told you about my fake girlfriend. That's what Jim and Dwight thought. Dwight: Okay, hey, hey, hey... Jim: No, fake girlfriends are always wrong. Holly: You made up a fake girlfriend to see if I'd get jealous? And you destroyed a gift my boyfriend gave me? What is the matter with you? Michael: When you got transferred, and I drove you up to Nashua, you said, "Michael, I love you, but I can't do this." But then, with this other guy, you don't have any problem with a long-distance relationship, do you? And you know what, that is what is the matter with me. Holly: Michael, I'm sorry. Michael: And we did this whole stupid party for you. Erin: [blocks Holly's path] No. Holly: You guys, it wasn't my fault. Kevin: Oh, nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us! [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I really think you're better off. Michael: Mmm. Erin, would you do me a favor and find my street clothes for me, please? Erin: Yeah. Is she an amazing cook or something? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [walks over to his desk and sees a present sitting on it, reading the note] "Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately. Love, Swiss Cheese." [opens the present and a snowball shoots out at him, everyone laughs] Damn it, Dwight! Dwight: Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: So do they bring in food, or do you get to go out? Toby: No, they bring it in. Stanley: You lucky son of a bitch. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for... that is the life. [SCENE_BREAK] Jada: Daddy, I'm bored. Can I read my book in your office? Darryl: Sure, sweetie. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jada, Darryl, I'm so glad I found you guys. A grinch stole the star from on top of the Christmas tree and is hiding it in the warehouse somewhere. You want to go help me find him? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, my goodness. Andy: I am the mean old grinch. The little girl who wishes to win back the Christmas star must first succeed at these challenges. Darryl: Ohh, that sounds fun and Christmasy, you mean old grinch! Jada: What kind of challenges. Andy: Wahhh... Pam: Something like an obstacle course, Mr. Grinch? Andy: No. You must answer topical political questions. How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed? And what other state has the equal number? Jada: I don't know. Andy: Do you know the other state? Darryl: Maybe the grinch hid the Christmas star, and we could ask for clues, and he'll tell us if we're hot or cold. Andy: The star has been hidden. Is the little girl hot or cold? Well, it turns out she's burning up because the star is right behind her ear! [pulls star from coat and pretends to find it behind Jada's ear] Darryl: And the game's over seconds later. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I'm so glad you could come. Robert: It's nice. I know. Angela: Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend, Senator Robert Lipton. Robert: Hi. Oscar: Senator, it's an honor. I'm Angela's friend Oscar. Robert: Oscar. A pleasure. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Robert seems great. He's very handsome, firm handshake, he's gay, good sense of humor. [SCENE_BREAK] AJ: Hi. Erin: Hello. AJ: I'm, uh, I'm AJ. I'm here to see Holly. It's kind of a surprise. Erin: I know who you are, and I think you should go. Kevin: I bet you didn't even bring us anything, did you? AJ: Was I supposed to bring you guys something? Holly: What? AJ! AJ: Surprise. Holly: What are you doing here? Oh, my God. AJ: I wanted to see you. How are you? Holly: Wow! Nice. AJ: Oh, God, you look great. Holly: Oh... when did you get here? AJ: Just now. Michael: Hey AJ: Just now. Hey, Michael. Michael: Nice to see you again, AJ. Welcome. AJ: Pleased to see you. Thank you. Michael: Good trip down? AJ: Yeah, it was great. Michael: Good, good. Good to see you. Have fun. Enjoy the partay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am dead inside. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: What do you want, baby? We got some granola, got some cupcakes, chips, apples, pies... Jada: You have a whole room of vending machines? Creed: [chuckles] I know. Isn't it something? Jada: I can't decide what I want. [SCENE_BREAK] Darrly: [handing out vending machine items to everyone] Merry Christmas. Jada: Merry Christmas. Pam: Thank you. Jada: And Merry Christmas. Meredith: Thank you. Jada: And Merry Christ... mas. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: Thank you so much. Jada: Merry Christmas. And Merry Christmas. Oscar: Merry Christmas to you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jada: Merry Christmas. Bass Player: Oh, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [Oscar unwraps a pair of Uggs] For your feet! [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [holding a knitted iPad case] It's amazing. It's so great. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [Angela hands Creed a pack of deodorant] For me? Angela: Yes. Creed: Thank you very much. Angela: Mmhmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I don't know if you guys have had a chance to use the new parking meters that accept credit cards, but Robert was instrumental in that legislation. Kevin: Wow, that's awesome! Oscar: A real David and Goliath story. Robert: I'm just so touched that she's so interested in my work. Angela: I am. Meredith: The real problem is the teachers' union. Angela: Zip it, Meredith. Meredith: No. You tell me why my kid is 17 and still can't read. Ryan: Hey, who's in charge of making drinks around here? Is there a bartender? Angela: You are. You make your own drink. [Ryan groans] Oscar: I'll make it. What are you drinking. Ryan: An 'F' train to Brooklyn. Extra bitters. Oscar: I don't know how to make that. Ryan: Okay, well, I'll just stick with my mojito. Angela: And you know those annoying geese at the park? Well, he's helping eradicate them as well. I mean, I think they've really become a pest. Meredith: Annoying. Angela: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Jim hits a ceiling panel] I don't think he's in the ceiling, babe. Jim: Well, uh... I don't think any of us really know. Alright. [Jim hands Pam a present] Pam: Is it... is it pebbles from that beach in Jamaica? [she shakes it] Jim: Ooh, go easy with the shaking. Pam: [lifting up a diamond bracelet] Oh, my God. Jim: You like it? Pam: I love it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Yup, I do make great Christmas gifts. But I couldn't make that. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Alright, my turn. Pam: Oh, um, it's just, I didn't, I didn't have a lot of time, so that's just a place holder. Jim: Right. Of course. [reading the comic book] "The Adventures of Jimmy Halpert." Oh, my God. This is awesome! That's my bike. That's my desk. And that is my daughter. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I mean... [speechless] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Michael, wait! Michael: Oh, hey, hey, no, don't run. You're gonna slip. Pam: That's good advice. Michael: Yup. I read this story about a woman who slipped on some black ice, and she hit her head and went into a coma forever. And then every day, her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died. Pam: That's a sad story. Michael: [voice breaking] Yeah, well, at least he was married. Pam: Oh, okay, Michael, slow down. Everything's gonna be okay. Michael: No, it's not. It's not. Oh, man, I can tell you confidently that it is not gonna be okay. Pam: I shouldn't tell you this, but... AJ won't commit to Holly. And she's gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose to her by the end of the year, it's over. Michael: Really? Pam: Really. And I don't know about you, but I don't know of a lot of happy marriages that start off with an ultimatum, do you? Michael: No. Pam: So just be patient. Michael: Yeah. I mean, I can wait till then. Come here. I don't want you to fall. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I surrender. Dwight: I do not accept your surrender. There's only one way that I would ever relent. Jim: Anything. You got it. Dwight: You hit Pam in the face with a snowball while I watch. Jim: You're a psychopath. Dwight: I'll take that as a no. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I was in the mall, and I saw that, and I thought it had your name written all over it. Kelly: Michael, this is the gift that corporate gave us that I picked out. You're re-gifting this to me. Michael: No, that's not... no, I went to the mall and I picked that out especially for you. Kelly: Oh, yeah? Well, show me the receipt. Michael: [hands Kelly a receipt from his wallet] From the mall. That... Kelly: This is a fast food receipt from April. Michael: Well, that... Kelly: God, how many number nines did you order? AJ: Is everyone here kind of mean? Holly: Oh, I think everyone's on edge because of the strangler trial. AJ: Oh. Holly: Hey, I'm so glad you came down. It's been so much harder than I expected. AJ: Hey, what happened to Woody? Holly: Oh, okay, get ready for this. You're not gonna believe it. I was making salad, and he fell right into the dressing. I mean, there was salad dressing all over him. AJ: He smells awful. Holly: It was blue cheese dressing. AJ: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Hey, Mike. Michael: Hey. Darryl: We wanted to give you something. Michael: Oh. Jada: Merry Christmas. Michael: Thank you. A Hostess apple pie! This is my favorite breakfast. How did you know that? Thank you very much. Darryl: What do you say? Jada: You're welcome. Michael: Oh, you know, I seem to remember that Santa promised that he would listen to all the gifts you wanted for Christmas. Didn't he say that? Jada: Yeah. Michael: I think I know where he is. [SCENE_BREAK] Jada: A trampoline... Michael: Mmhmm. Jada: Video games. Michael: Video games. Jada: A DSi. Michael: A DSi? Jada: A horse. Michael: A horse. Jada: A pool. Michael: You, are you sure you don't want a pony? You want a real horse? Jada: Yes. Michael: All right. You have to pick up after them. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, sorry. I'm ready. Jim: I don't want to go. Pam: Oh... come on, bear man. Come on. [the lights flicker] Jim: Have you ever seen 'em do that? [walk outside and the parking lot is covered with snowmen] Pam: I'm sorry. I had no idea. Jim: No, it's, it's okay. Okay. Pam: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. Jim: Okay. This is it. Pam: What? Jim: Go! Go! Go! Pam: What? What is it? What? What is, oh, my God! [Jim starts attacking snowmen] Honey? Jim? Jim! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.	Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who forces Pam to plan a second Christmas party? A: Toby; Q: Who takes a leave of absence? A: Holly Flax; Q: Who does Michael force Pam to plan a second Christmas party for? A: Amy Ryan; Q: Who plays Holly Flax? A: Scranton; Q: Where does Holly return to? A: Jim; Q: Who agrees to a snowball fight with Dwight? Summary: Michael couldn't be happier when Toby takes a leave of absence, leaving corporate to send Holly Flax ( Amy Ryan ) to cover for him. Michael forces Pam to plan a second Christmas party on the day Holly returns to Scranton. Jim agrees to a snowball fight with Dwight, which he later regrets.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT] (Camera pulls back across the city's building tops during the voice over announcement.) Ty Caulfield: (V.O.) People say that Las Vegas has no culture, ... no history-- that we emulate, ... not create. WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT./INT. CASINO - POOL SIDE / EXHIBITION HALL - NIGHT] (TY CAULFIELD, the casino owner, makes the grand formal announcement to the small gathering in front of him.) Ty Caulfield: They forget that this was once a desert from which this city was created. (Waitresses dressed in kimono and obis -- dressed up like geisha -- pass out drinks to the crowd.) Ty Caulfield: Millions come every week and share their money with us. Well, tonight, we give back. (Cut to: Inside the exhibition hall, glass cases display the various Japanese antiquities. The camera moves in slowly toward the centerpiece, a katana. The guard walks around the display case.) Ty Caulfield: (V.O.) An exhibition of rare and valuable japanese antiquities. (Cut to: A Japanese statue of a soldier on a horse.) Ty Caulfield: (V.O.) Shown in the us for the first time, (Cut to: A close up of the katana's intricate sheath design.) Ty Caulfield: (V.O.) ... this 17th century samurai collection ... (Cut to: Camera is focused on the full Japanese armor in the background. The camera refocuses to the statue in the foreground.) Ty Caulfield: (V.O.) ... is owned by one of the Mediterranean's most special guests, Mr. Yuri Yamamoto, who sadly can't be here with us tonight. (TY CAULFIELD raises his glass to the crowd.) Ty Caulfield: To his impeccable taste. On behalf of my hotel and the City of Las Vegas, I thank him. (The audience cheers. TY CAULFIELD takes a sip of his glass.) (A woman's screams pierces through the applause. Everyone turns around.) [SCENE_BREAK] [POOL SIDE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (VANESSA GREEN stares at something horrible in front of her and screams. TY CAULFIELD rushes over to see what the commotion is about.) (She waves him near as she looks at the live wire cable near the pool.) Vanessa Green: The cable fell. He was electrocuted. (In the center of the swimming pool, there is a body floating face down.) Vanessa Green: Oh, my god. (She turns and buries her face in the shoulder of the man standing there.) (TY CAULFIELD and the crowd of curious party goers rush toward the pool.) (The SECURITY GUARD steps forward and motions everyone to a safe distance away from the pool side.) Security Guard: Excuse me. Okay, folks. I need everyone to stay back. There's a live wire in the pool, okay? Everybody stand back. WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. POOL SIDE - NIGHT - LATER] (GRISSOM and SARA head toward the pool. As they near, they take the scene in. GRISSOM stands next to BRASS who is looking at the body in the water. SARA heads for the live wire.) Brass: Watch yourself Gil. (GRISSOM steps even closer to the pool side, his eyes on the body in the water. He takes the scene in.) Grissom: This is odd. Arms and legs become deadweight in the water. He should have sunk to the bottom of the pool. Sara: He wouldn't float until after putrefaction. Grissom: Sara, would you see where the source of that cable is? Sara: Yeah. (SARA heads toward the cable. She follows it to the bushes. GRISSOM picks up the pool pole. SARA steps into the bushes as she finds the cable source: a car battery. She picks it up carries it back to GRISSOM.) Sara: Found the power source. Car battery. (She disconnects the cable.) (GRISSOM uses the pole and pulls the body toward him. He picks up the head of the body and finds a CPR dummy. GRISSOM looks at BRASS.) (BRASS shakes his head.) Grissom: This is not a crime scene. (The hotel security alarm blares. GRISSOM and BRASS turn to look at the exhibition room entryway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EXHIBITION ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (BRASS pushes the doors open and walks into the room followed closely by GRISSOM, SARA and the SECURITY GUARD.) (The glass case housing the 17th century Japanese katana is broken. The sword is gone.) (GRISSOM looks down at the SECURITY GUARD duct taped on the side. He turns and looks at the broken glass case.) Grissom: THIS is a crime scene. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL/CASINO - EXHIBITION ROOM -- NIGHT] (The alarm blares. GRISSOM looks at the taped up SECURITY GUARD explaining what he's about to do.) Grissom: I'm sorry, but there's really no gentle way to do this. (GRISSOM reaches out and rips the tape off of BRANDON MILLER'S mouth.) (BRASS walks into the room past all the curious on-lookers and hotel security standing on the side.) Brass: Keep these people out. And turn that damn thing off, will you? (He heads for SARA who stands in front of the broken glass case.) Sara: They only took the one piece. Samurai sword, 17th century. Brass: They say how much it was worth? Sara: Worth the risk of walking past 100 guests into a guarded room. (The alarm stops. BRASS turns around and looks at BRANDON MILLER.) Brass: Hey, buddy, you see anything? (GRISSOM crouches behind BRANDON MILLER trying to cut the tape off of him.) Brandon Miller: No. I got hit from nowhere. Next thing I know, I'm taped up. (BRASS looks at GRISSOM. GRISSOM nods at the desk.) Grissom: Blood smear on the desk. (Camera close up of the blood smear.) (Quick flashback to: Someone clubs BRANDON MILLER behind his head. He falls unconscious, the intruder forcibly hitting his head against the desk.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brandon Miller: I feel like an idiot. Grissom: Well, you may have a concussion. Brass: Let's get you checked out. (BRASS looks at the door and shouts.) Brass: Paramedics out there? (A couple of paramedics walk into the room.) Brass: Check him up. (SARA continues to examine the room. She walks up to the Japanese armour in the glass case and looks at it. She looks at the display card: SUIT OF ARMOR, 17TH c. She continues looking down and notices some clear liquid at the base of the show case.) (Cut to: The paramedics escort BRANDON MILLER out of the room as the HOTEL SECURITY walks in.) Head of Hotel Security: Well, none of my men saw anyone suspicious enter or exit. Brass: The surveillance cameras? (They stop and both look at the broken, empty case.) Head of Hotel Security: Our cameras only watch the money and the exits. Not rooms like these. Damn, they got the sword. Most expensive piece in the collection. This is all Mr. Caulfield needs right now. (GRISSOM pauses and looks up as he listens.) Brass: Why is that? Head of Hotel Security: 9/11, the depressed Asian economy, Indian gaming in California. Every casino on the strip's taken a hit. (BRASS nods.) Brass: I'm going to want to talk to the girl who found the body. (BRASS steps out of the room.) (Meanwhile, SARA takes a swab sample of the clear liquid. She looks at it and smells it.) Sara: Smells sweet. The sign over there says no food or drink in this room, right? Grissom: Make sure you take it back to Greg. (GRISSOM looks around and notices the empty tape roll on the stand. He removes the tape roll and looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VACANT HOUSE -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE and WARRICK walk up the sidewalk toward the front of the house. They meet up with the officer at the scene.) Woman Officer: My third time at this address. Two suicides a few years ago, and now a 419. This house is cursed. (She leads them up the front walk toward the door.) Catherine: You don't strike me as the type who believes in curses. (She turns around.) Woman Officer: Yeah, well, I'm not the type to believe in coincidences, either. Warrick: Is this house abandoned? Woman Officer: Bank foreclosed four years ago. Been vacant ever since. (She turns and continues to lead them under the crime scene tape toward the front entrance.) Woman Officer: Neighbor heard a scream. I was the responding officer. [INT. VACANT HOUSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE walks into the house, her flashlight on. WARRICK follows her as she heads inside. They turn around to look at the WOMAN OFFICER who declines and stays outside the house.) (CATHERINE continues forward through the house. In one of the bedrooms, they find DAVID with the body. He's engrossed with filling out the clipboard and doesn't notice them.) Catherine: Uh ... oh, hey, David. David Phillips: (startled) Yeah! (He looks up.) Oh, hey. Uh, jugular's been punctured. (CATHERINE steps closer for a better look.) David Phillips: Two marks. (points to the marks) Possibly bite marks. Catherine: Bite marks? (CATHERINE kneels down for a better look.) David Phillips: Punctures are 32 millimeters apart. That's the average distance between the eyeteeth in an adult male's mouth. Catherine: Right, but those punctures aren't consistent with human teeth. David Phillips: Yeah, well, what about fangs? Warrick: Fangs? Come on. (DAVID opens the woman's mouth to show her pierced tongue and ... fangs.) David Phillips: Wounds are deep. She bled out. Warrick: Then where's all the blood? David Phillips: Lividity tells me she wasn't moved postmortem, so, I don't know. Warrick: I'm going to take a look around. (WARRICK stands up and leaves the room.) Catherine: David, I don't know a whole lot about vampires, but if she was bit, there's spit, and if there's spit, there's DNA, so swab the neck. Warrick: (o.s.) Catherine, take a look at this. [MAIN HALL -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK looks down at something on the floor. CATHERINE joins him. He's found a red-painted insignia on the wooden floor.) Warrick: Please tell me that's not blood. (They step into the room. CATHERINE takes a sample and tests for blood.) Catherine: Negative. It's probably just house paint. Warrick: Well, we know one thing for sure. This place wasn't vacant. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL/CASINO -- POOL SIDE -- NIGHT] (BRASS talks with the HEAD OF HOTEL SECRUTIY. Behind them near the pool, NICK is examining the CPR dummy.) Brass: Come on, nobody should have been allowed to leave. Head of Hotel Security: Your officers didn't say anything about detaining Mr. Caulfield's guests. Brass: Just give me a list of names, okay? Head of Hotel Security: Yeah. (HOTEL SECURITY leaves.) Nick: Weird night. Brass: (points to the dummy) That's not the only dummy here. Nick: Yeah, it's a CPR demonstration dummy. Fully articulated. Brass: Oh, yeah? Nick: Yeah. You know, paramedics, firemen -- they use these things to teach lifesaving techniques. Brass: Any prints? Nick: Oh, no, no, no. Been in the water way too long, man. Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (DOC ROBBINS goes over the body. CATHERINE and WARRICK walk into the room.) Robbins: David says you found evidence of vampires in North Las Vegas. Warrick: Well, let's just say evidence at the crime scene suggests occult, ritualistic activity. Catherine: I'm not sure what we found. Did you ID the Vic? Robbins: Angela Sommerville, 20, from Henderson. License was in her pocket. Cause of death: Exsanguination. Warrick: You check out her fangs? Robbins: Well, her bark was worse than her bite. (ROBBINS opens the body's mouth.) Robbins: There we go. (He removes the fangs from her teeth.) Robbins: Ah. They're acrylic. Check out her gum line. (Camera zooms in for a close-up of the gum line.) Robbins: Thin grooves carved into the canine's enamel. Fangs are clip-ons. Multiple bite marks on the tongue suggest she was still breaking them in. Catherine: Warrick, the symbol on her ankle -- it's similar to the one that was painted on the floor of the crime scene. (WARRICK looks.) Warrick: The ankh. Egyptian symbol for eternal life. I went on-line and found out it's also the universal insignia for vampires. Robbins: Dracula didn't drink all her blood. I sent a sample to tox. I'm not sure if it's probative. (He points to the markings on her shoulders.) Robbins: Multiple incised wounds on the anterior of both shoulders. Some are fresh. Warrick: Well, the shoulder area is rich in blood, right? Heals quickly? Robbins: Yeah. (CATHERINE looks at WARRICK and shakes her head.) Catherine: Relevance? Warrick: I figure, if you're going to drink someone's blood, it's a good place to start. Catherine: Then why switch to the jugular? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM works on the tape removed from BRANDON MILLER'S mouth. SARA walks into the lab.) Sara: Hey. Got anything? Grissom: A partial thumb, perhaps, on the tape that was used to cover the security guard's mouth. Not torn, either. Both ends were cut. Sara: Pre-cut, in fact. Indicates planning. Grissom: How about you? Sara: Trace analyzed the liquid we found near the suit of armor: Glucose syrup. Grissom: Sugar water. Why just the sword? Sara: Well, it is the one piece from the exhibit you could hide on your person. Down a pant leg, maybe, or ... Grissom: Yeah, but if you're going to steal from a casino, why take an antique? Why not take cash? Sara: Good point. Grissom: How's your knowledge of Japanese history, particularly, antiquities? Sara: (smiles and shakes her head) Not good. Why? Grissom: To find the hunter ... know the game. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. SOMMERVILLE RESIDENCE - ANGELA'S ROOM - DAY] (The bedroom door opens; CATHERINE and WARRICK walk in followed by the SOMMERVILLES.) Mrs. Sommerville: Angela was the sweetest child. She actually liked spending time with us. Her friends were always over here, and then ... puberty hit and everything changed. (CATHERINE looks around the room and notices a framed prom photo.) Mr. Sommerville: She shaved her head, then she grew dreads. Mrs. Sommerville: It was like she couldn't get comfortable in her own skin. (On the bedside table are some candles.) Mrs. Sommerville: About, um, six months ago, Angela went Goth. Black clothing ... she only went out at night ... Mrs. Sommerville: We tried to support Angela the best we could. We only wanted her to be happy. (CATHERINE picks up a book and reads the title and looks through the book.) Catherine: "The Black Veil: 13 Rules of Community." Mrs. Sommerville: Guidelines for Vampires. She wrote them down in there, along with all her thoughts. Catherine: So you've read what's in here? (CATHERINE looks at MRS. SOMMERVILLE who nods slightly.) Catherine: Your daughter believed that she was a vampire? Mrs. Sommerville: She was 18. She wanted to stand out, to be special. I tried not to judge her, but I also wanted to know what was going on in her head. Mr. Sommerville: She snooped. (MRS. SOMMERVILLE sighs and continues.) Mrs. Sommerville: Each time Angela tried something new, I would take a crash course. (CATHERINE reaches into the bookshelf and pulls out a piece of paper. She looks at it: HIV TEST RESULTS --NAME: ANGELA SOMMERVILLE --ID: 3759060X --AGE: 20 --SEX: F --E ID NO: 6729-BAMI --SESSION NO. 716885 20 --ER ID NO. 70722345 RESULT UNITS NEGATIVE COPIES ... Catherine: Lab results. Mrs. Sommerville: Angela's HIV test. It was negative. That was the one thing we insisted upon, not that it matters now. (WARRICK opens the closet door to reveal a table made up in the manner of a shrine complete with black and white photo of a man.) Warrick: Who's the guy? Mrs. Sommerville: Angela wouldn't say. The statue's an incubus. According to the legend, incubi seduce young women while they sleep ... and drink their blood. Catherine: Well, your daughter was found in an abandoned house. And we believe that there was, um, someone there with her. Do you have any idea who that might be? Mrs. Sommerville: Her court. I can give you their names. Catherine: Her "court"? Mrs. Sommerville: It's like a coven for vampires. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. HOTEL/ CASINO - EXHIBITION ROOM -- DAY (GRISSOM and SARA walk into the exhibition room, GRISSOM'S carrying both kits while SARA carries an armful of research books.) (HOTEL SECURITY stands in the room with other GUARDS. What's left of the exhibition has been moved.) Sara: Don't tell me, they came back and stole the rest? Head of Hotel Security: No, not quite. At Mr. Yamamoto's request, the collection's been moved to Mr. Caulfield's office vault. He was pretty upset. He's on his way here now from Tokyo. Sara: We were hoping to take a look at the rest of the exhibit. Head of Hotel Security: Mr. Caulfield's vault is off limits. Grissom: Okay, what about photographs? (HOTEL SECURITY hands GRISSOM the clipboard.) Head of Hotel Security: You're in luck there. Our hotel registrar took polaroids of the collection when she logged it in. (He takes out the Polaroid photos out of the pocket and shows it to them.) Sara: Can we talk to her? Head of Hotel Security: Well, Miss Green is on vacation, but, uh, I can try and contact her. (GRISSOM finishes looking at he list.) Grissom: Well, this is just a list of inventory. How about the insurance policy? Head of Hotel Security: Yamamoto carried his own insurance. (GRISSOM adds the clipboard to the top of the stack of books SARA'S carrying.) Head of Hotel Security: Our hotel registrar just documents the condition of each piece. We extended Mr. Yamamoto every courtesy, but weren't going to assume responsibility. This is a Casino, not a museum. (HOTEL SECURITY walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (CATHERINE and WARRICK interview ANGELA'S court consisting of three other girls.) Catherine: Alice, you need to answer the question. Court Girl 1: She won't respond to that name. She goes by Luminessa. Catherine: Okay, let's start over. Do any of you ladies recognize this man? (CATHERINE holds out the photo for them to look at. It's clipped to the police report. The girls shake their heads.) Warrick: When was the last time you saw Angela? Alice (Luminessa): Who? (CATHERINE chuckles humorlessly.) Catherine: Okay. All right, I've had enough. (She clears her throat.) Your friend is dead. This is a murder case. If you're not willing to help us, we will split you up and treat you as suspects. Hold you for 24 hours. Is that what you want? (The girls look at each other.) Alice (Luminessa): We called her Daegonna. We were together last night. At court. (Quick flashback to: [VACANT HOUSE - NIGHT] ANGELA faces her court over a burning candle.) Angela Sommerville: (frustrated, angry) Being a vampire is about feeding. (She holds up the book and throws it down in front of them.) This is pathetic. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Alice (Luminessa): Angela had been going to this blood bar. Wanted us to join her. Warrick: Blood bar? Alice (Luminessa): The people who go there, they drink blood. Court Girl 1: For real. Court Girl 2: Hardcore. Warrick: And I guess you girls don't do that? Court Girl 1: Hell, no. And that's what we told her. She totally lost it. She called us "Gajas." Warrick: Which is ... ? Court Girl 1: A fashion vampire. Normal people who just play dress-up. Court Girl 2: You don't have to drink blood to be a vampire. Alice (Luminessa): For us, it's spiritual. We feed off each other's energies. Court Girl 1: Yeah. Court Girl 2: Energy. Court Girl 1: So, we voted her invisible. Kicked her out of our court. Alice (Luminessa): But she wouldn't leave. So we did. And that's the last time we saw her. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HOTEL/CASINO - EXHIBITION ROOM -- DAY] (SARA reads the list as GRISSOM stands in the middle of the room looking at the empty display cases.) Sara: Other items in the exhibit include a 17th century decorated silk. (She turns the page.) Sara: 17th century iron war mask. (She turns to the next page.) Sara: 17th century kabuki robe used in the first kabuki dances in Kyoto. (GRISSOM stops in front of the empty display case with the card still in it: Suit of Armor 17th c. lacquer, horsehair, iron, beading, silk cord, wood Collection of Yuri Yamamoto The Japanese suit of samurai armor was only worn by the highest military class and emperors. Oda Nobunaga played a key role in shaping the course of history in feudal Japan. His policy of unifying a country controlled by many feuding daimyo was furthered in a series of victories characterized by brilliant war tactics and firearms. ) Grissom: Seventeenth century suit of armor. Wasn't the Japanese military established long after that? Sara: Let's see. (SARA puts the clipboard aside and checks on of the many reference books next to her. GRISSOM looks around and waits for the answer.) Sara: (reading) 1868, by Emperor Ma-ji? Meiji? Grissom: So, this is out of place. Sara: Just like the sugar water we found nearby. (GRISSOM'S phone rings. He answers it.) Grissom: Grissom. Nick: Grissom, ... INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] Nick: I got a hit on your partial print from the hotel employee database. (He looks at a copy of the license in his hand.) Brandon Miller. He's your duct-taped security guard. Grissom: I thought he was unconscious. How does his prints end up on the tape? (SARA looks up from her book.) Nick: You tell me. Grissom: All right. Thanks, Nick. (GRISSOM hangs up. He looks around, thinking about it. He stops and notices the divider pole where he found the empty tape roll.) Grissom: Sara? Sara: Hmm? Grissom: Do you have any duct tape in your kit? Sara: Yeah, it's what I use to keep it together. (GRISSOM stares at the pole as SARA gets the duct tape out of her kit. She hands it to him.) Grissom: Thank you. (he puts the tape on the pole and starts spinning in his chair.) Sara: He taped himself up. Grissom: We've been conned. (SARA turns GRISSOM around and cuts him free.) Sara: Well, you saw the paramedics take him out of here. If he'd had a samurai sword hanging out of his pant leg, you would've noticed. (GRISSOM removes himself from the tape.) (He sits there and sighs. In the quiet, he and SARA both notice a metallic rattling sound coming from the ceiling air conditioner. They look up and notice that the vent is skewed.) (GRISSOM checks the vent and finds the missing sword hidden in the ceiling. He smiles.) Grissom: huh. Domo arigato. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL/CASINO - MAIN CASINO FLOOR-- DAY] (GRISSOM carries the sword as he, SARA and the HOTEL SECURITY make their way through the casino.) Head of Hotel Security: So Brandon Miller never made it to the hospital, huh? Concussion, my happy ass. Grissom: It's an old trick. Don't steal the item; just leave it at the location, come back and get it when the cops leave. Head of Hotel Security: Well, your timing's perfect. Mr. Yamamoto just arrived. Mr. Caulfield's with him right now. [INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (HOTEL SECURITY opens the door and walks into the room. GRISSOM and SARA follow. In the center of the room, TY CAULFIELD stands next to YURI YAMAMOTO.) Head of Hotel Security: Mr. Caulfield. (TY CAULFIELD turns around as they descend the stairs.) Head of Hotel Security: You asked to be kept up to date on our progress. Ty Caulfield: I'll be damned. You found the guy? Grissom: Perhaps. We found the sword. Ty Caulfield: (to YURI YAMAMOTO) See? I promised you this matter would be resolved, Yuri. (YURI YAMAMOTO steps toward GRISSOM intending to take his sword back.) Grissom: Uh ... we'll need to take this back to our lab. Yuri Yamamoto: No. You people have already lost it once. (GRISSOM hands the sword to SARA.) Grissom: It's part of an on-going investigation. We need to process it. Yuri Yamamoto: This sword is invaluable. Grissom: To us as well. Ty Caulfield: Surely this is open for conversation, Mr ... Grissom: I don't think so. I do have a question for Mr. Yamamoto. Your collection is primarily 17th century, but we found one piece, a suit of armor, that our research dates to the mid-19th century. Yuri Yamamoto: I don't have a suit of armor in my collection. (TY CAULFIELD looks at YURI YAMAMOTO who turns to look at back at GRISSOM.) Yuri Yamamoto: What is going on here? Grissom: Mr. Caulfield, we'd like to take a look at your personal vault. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT./INT. HOTEL/CASINO - VAULT -- DAY] (TY CAULFIELD punches the security key pad combination and opens the vault doors only to find the shelves stripped bare.) Ty Caulfield: Oh, my god. The cash-- it's gone. (He turns to look at his HEAD OF SECURITY.) How the hell did they get in here? (GRISSOM picks up one of the $10,000 money bands on the vault counter and looks at it.) Grissom: How much cash did you have in here? Ty Caulfield: Ninety percent of the casino's cash is in the basement vault. I only keep an emergency reserve here. (GRISSOM looks away for a moment, nodding.) Ty Caulfield: Ten million ... at all times. (GRISSOM and SARA turn to look at CAULFIELD. GRISSOM looks around at the abandoned suit of armor on the vault floor.) Grissom: There's the suit of armor. The Trojan Horse? Sara: Someone was inside the armor, hiding in plain sight? (Quick flashback to: [INT. VAULT] HOTEL SECURITY walks out of the vault after moving the collection inside. He turns off the lights.) (Cut to: The person in the suit of armor opens his eyes and looks around.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Might be. (TY CAULFIELD turns and looks at his HEAD OF HOTEL SECURITY.) Ty Caulfield: And you just wheeled him in here? (He heads out of the vault.) Ty Caulfield: Get my lawyer. Assemble everyone. I need answers. Head of Hotel Security: Yes, sir. (GRISSOM looks back at the suit of armor, then turns back to SARA.) Grissom: And the con goes on. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. HOTEL/CASINO - VAULT - DAY] (GRISSOM and SARA are in the vault processing the scene. GRISSOM examines the discarded suit of armor while SARA collects the money bands.) (As she picks up each money band one-by-one, GRISSOM finds two plastic bags under the armor.) Grissom: Well, this explains the glucose. Food source. Probably didn't know how long he was going to be in the suit. Sara: What's in the other bag? Grissom: Urine. (She nods.) He was in there for a while. How you doing with those money bands? Sara: Ten thousand dollars per band. When I get to a thousand, I'll let you know. (GRISSOM finds a small hand-held digital recording device. He plays it. There are a series of beeps.) Grissom: I think it's the code from the vault. Must've recorded it. (Quick flash to: [INT. VAULT] The person in the suit of armor holds up the digital recorder as the key pad is being pressed. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM stands near the door and tries several key combinations till he finds the right sequence.) (The vault door opens. CAULFIELD and YAMAMOTO are standing outside.) Ty Caulfield: How did you open the safe door? Grissom: The same way our thief did: Using your musical code. (GRISSOM plays the recorder.) Grissom: Mr. Caulfield, you have video surveillance? Ty Caulfield: Nothing in my vault or in my office, but I'll get you everything from this floor. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - NIGHT] (CATHERINE and WARRICK walk into the lab. GREG whips out a wooden stake and holds it out to CATHERINE, startling her.) Greg: For you ... (CATHERINE takes GREG'S stake. GREG holds out a crucifix for WARRICK.) Greg: ... and you. Just in case. Catherine: Are Angela's tox result in yet? Greg: Blood alcohol level of .14 percent. Catherine: Her friends didn't say anything about drinking. Greg: Well, I'm just getting warmed up. Tox panel detected traces of thujone. Thujone is the psychoactive chemical found in absinthe, a liquor distilled from wormwood. Warrick: Isn't absinthe illegal? Greg: In the US. Banned in 1912. Apparently, toxic byproducts are released during the distilling process. Stuff's supposed to make you a little crazy. Catherine: And how would Angela get a hold of this? Greg: Well, this is not coming from personal experience, but according to a friend of a friend of an acquaintance, absinthe is rumored to be served in certain underground clubs. Warrick: Like a blood bar. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BLOOD BAR -- NIGHT] (Various scenes of the dance floor.) Lyric: Are you ... ready for the new ...? / Stand up and admit it: Tomorrow's never coming / this is the new ... / stand up and admit it / do we need it? / No! / Do we want it? / Yeah! / This is the new ... (LAZARUS KANE swallows his drink. CATHERINE and WARRICK appear next to him.) Catherine: Mind if we join you? Lazarus Kane: Sure. What are you into? Warrick: We're into crime scenes. Catherine: And you are ... ? Lazarus Kane: Lazarus Kane. Warrick: Did Angela Sommerville call you that? Lazarus Kane: I don't know any Angela Sommerville. Warrick: What about Daegonna? Lazarus Kane: She file a complaint against me? Catherine: Why would she do that? Lazarus Kane: Look, everything we did was consensual. It's not illegal to drink someone's blood. She was into it. That neonate ... she offered herself to me. Warrick: Did she offer herself to you last night? Lazarus Kane: We had a drink together here. Warrick: Absinthe? Lazarus Kane: What's this about? Catherine: Was that the last time you saw her? Lazarus Kane: No. Later on, I swung by her court and daggered the relationship. Catherine: How long had the two of you been together? Lazarus Kane: For the past three months, she's been my "donor". (He pushes aside his shirt to show CATHERINE the scars on his shoulder.) Catherine: And you were her donor? Lazarus Kane: No, it doesn't work like that. Daegonna belonged to me. Catherine: (confused) Okay... but you were someone's donor. Lazarus Kane: Well, under the right circumstances, I'll do just about anything. Warrick: How 'bout murder? Daegonna was killed last night. Lazarus Kane: Well, I don't know anything about that. See, I follow very strict guidelines: Black veil. Principle 11: You never mistreat your donors. Catherine: And that pendant around you neck? That wouldn't happen to contain blood, would it? Lazarus Kane: Yeah. Catherine: Whose? Lazarus Kane: It's Daegonna's, okay? She gave it to me couple weeks ago. I offered to give it back, but she wanted me to keep it ... said her PSI belonged to me. Warrick: "Psi"? Lazarus Kane: Life-force, blood. Warrick: We're going to need that pendant for evidence. Catherine: And a sample of your ... DNA. (He bares his shoulder for CATHERINE.) Lazarus Kane: Knock yourself out. Catherine: Oh, I prefer saliva. Lazarus Kane: (disappointed) Aw ... Catherine: Open up. (LAZARUS opens his mouth wide, baring his "fangs".) Catherine: Right. (CATHERINE takes a swab sample.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- NIGHT] (NICK goes over the security tape video with GRISSOM and SARA.) Nick: There's our man. Grissom: And the time? Nick: 3:15 A.M. Sara: He's certainly aware of the cameras. Nick: Yeah, you really can't get a good look at him from any angle. He's walking like he crapped his pants. Grissom: I'm thinking that might be the money. (Quick flashback to: [INT. VAULT] The thief straps the packs of money to his body. He zips up his jumpsuit. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (On video: The thief heads to the far door and swipes a card through the key pad.) Grissom: An employee ID card? Nick: It gets better. (On video: The thief exits the building and gets into a waiting car.) (NICK punches some keys on the keyboard and the video zooms in to show the identity of the driver.) Sara: That's Brandon Miller, the security guard. Grissom: Hmm. Okay, so find the best shot you can of our mystery thief. If he is an employee, you should be able to ID him. Nick: There's over three thousand employees who work at the Mediterranean, and this guy is not really giving me much to go on here. Grissom: Yes, but technology is a wonderful thing, Nick. (GRISSOM turns and leaves. SARA puts a hand on NICK'S shoulder, gives him a "glad its you and not me" smile, then follows GRISSOM out the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- NIGHT] (GREG reports back to CATHERINE and WARRICK.) Greg: Lazarus may have been sucking on Angela's shoulders, but he did not bite her jugular. His DNA's inconsistent with the saliva swabbed from the puncture wounds around her neck. Warrick: Damn. Catherine: What about that pendant? Greg: You know, nothing says "I love you" like an ounce of fresh blood. It is Angela's blood, and it's mixed with a polyester base. Polyester base is an inert fluid pre-packaged in test tubes used for HIV testing. It helps prepare the blood for centrifugation by forming a barrier between the blood cells and the serum. Warrick: Angela's parents only insisted upon only one thing ... Catherine: ... that she be tested for HIV. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VIDEO LAB -- NIGHT] (NICK works on finding the identity of the mystery thief. I'm way to lazy to describe this music video for you. He does graphic manipulation on the computer.) Lyric: Hey, you ugly people / I want you to set my baby free / hey, people / set my baby free / said he was man / what did he know / spent his time living in a casino / never know / couldn't get away, couldn't ever get it anyway / couldn't ever level 'cause he's living like a devil / hey / hey, set my baby free / set my baby free ... (NICK finishes the computer graphic composite of the mystery thief.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL / CASINO - POOL SIDE -- DAY] (Close up of the composite.) (NICK and SARA show the computer composite of the mystery thief to the LIFEGUARD.) Lifeguard: Yeah, that's Nathan. Do me a favor when you find him. Let him know he's fired. He hasn't shown up in four days. Nick: Will do. You missing anything else around here? Lifeguard: Like what? Nick: CPR dummy. Lifeguard: Yeah. Had to cancel a class on Sunday 'cause we couldn't find Macaulay. Sara: Macaulay? Lifeguard: Culkin. Our dummy. You know, 'cause his mouth is always open. (He does the "Home Alone" pose. NICK laughs. SARA stares at NICK. She shows the photo of the electrocuted dummy from the pool to the LIFEGUARD.) Nick: Is this Macaulay? Lifeguard: Yeah, that's him. Can we get him back? Sara: Soon as we're done with him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (GRISSOM dusts the sword's scabbard. SARA sits across the table and watches him.) Sara: Security guard put the sword in the crawlspace. It's got to be his prints. Grissom: Well, let's find out, shall we? (NICK walks into the lab and joins them.) Nick: Hey. Grissom: Nick, want to do me a favor and tape-lift that? Nick: Sure. (NICK takes a tape lift and puts it over the dusted print. He presses. He rips the tape lift off the scabbard taking part of the hide covering with it.) (NICK'S eyes widen and he looks at SARA to see if she saw. Oh, yeah. SARA looks at NICK, her eyes just as wide. NICK swallows.) Nick: Grissom, how's our insurance? (GRISSOM turns and sees the damaged sword.) Nick: I was being careful, I swear. (GRISSOM examines the damage as SARA walks around the table for a better view.) Grissom: Should four-hundred-year-old lacquer look this good? (He sniffs it.) And smell like acrylic? (He looks at them and puts the sword back on the table. NICK smells the tape lift. GRISSOM removes one of the precious stones from the scabbard and crushes it easily.) Sara: What kind of precious stone breaks that easily? Grissom: A fake one. This is nothing more than a hardened ball of wax. Nick: Do you think someone switched swords on us? Grissom: Well, so far, nothing's what it seems. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HOTEL/CASINO - VAULT -- DAY] (GRISSOM, NICK and SARA test and check every piece in the collection.) (SARA smells the kimono.) Sara: Smells like tea. Grissom: Sometimes paper products or other materials like silk -- they soak it in tea to give an aged look. Nick: The paint on this mask is coming right off, layer by layer. Grissom: I think this is boot polish. Sara: Another aging method? (TY CAULFIELD appears in the doorway.) Nick: So it's not just the sword. This ... his whole collection's a fake? Ty Caulfield: A what? Grissom: We believe this collection is worthless. Well-made, historically accurate, ... probably worthless. (TY CAULFIELD steps out of the vault and sits down thoughtfully on the table just outside. GRISSOM steps outside also.) Grissom: Your head of security said that Mr. Yamamoto's collection was documented by an internal registrar. Ty Caulfield: Vanessa Green. I-I thought you spoke to her yesterday. Grissom: She was on vacation ... but even though she's not an official appraiser, she should've been able to tell these were fakes, don't you think? (CAULFIELD presses his fingertips against the bridge of his nose.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - HALLWAY -- DAY] (The HEAD OF SECURITY leads TY CAULFIELD and GRISSOM to YURI YAMAMOTO'S room.) (He opens the doors.) Ty Caulfield: Mr. Yamamoto? Mr. Yamamoto? I'd like a word with you. Mr. Yamamoto? Grissom: It seems he's left. Head of Security: Gentlemen, no luggage. Nothing. (CAULFIELD grabs the vase off the table and smashes it to the floor in anger.) Ty Caulfield: Son of a bitch! He made a fool out of me. Grissom: Well, we have that in common. Ty Caulfield: Find out when he checked out. Head of Security: I'm on it. Ty Caulfield: And Vanessa Green. Where did she go? (The HEAD OF SECURITY picks up the phone.) Grissom: Brandon Miller, Nathan Pollard, Vanessa Green, and Yuri Yamamoto. Three of your employees and one whale ... all evidently disappear. Ty Caulfield: Along with my $10 million. (The HEAD OF SECURITY hangs up.) Head of Security: Yamamoto never checked out. Vanessa Green made reservations at the Princeville in Kauai. She never checked in. Ty Caulfield: And he left without his antiques. Grissom: Well ... he knew they were worthless. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ADMINALAB CLINIC] (The technician, BOBBY JONES, draws blood from an older woman. CATHERINE and WARRICK step in the doorway.) Catherine: Um ... Bobby Jones: I'll be right with you. (to the woman) The tests will be mailed to you in seven days, and they'll include a toll-free number if you have any questions. Woman: Thank you. I didn't feel a thing. (The WOMAN leaves. CATHERINE and WARRICK walk into the room.) Bobby Jones: Walk-ins? Or do you have an appointment? Warrick: We're from the crime lab. We're here about a Miss Angela Sommerville. Last month, your clinic tested her blood. Bobby Jones: Actually, we don't do the testing. Common mistake. I'm contracted by Adminalab to withdraw blood, and the lab processes. And the whole thing is confidential, so ... Catherine: Oh, we've already seen her results. She's dead, so, the confidentiality privilege no longer applies. We need to know which tech withdrew her blood. Bobby Jones: I'm the only tech here. Catherine: Oh. Well, there was a pendant with her blood inside it. Bobby Jones: What does that have to do with me? Catherine: Her blood was mixed with a polyester base. I think you know what that means. Bobby Jones: I ... know who you're talking about. (Quick flashback to: BOBBY JONES withdraws ANGELA SOMMERVILLE'S blood.) Angela Sommerville: I have a favor to ask you. (She holds up the pendant.) Angela Sommerville: Do you want to help? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bobby Jones: I'd taken more than enough for testing purposes, so, I figured it's her blood. Why not just give it to her? (WARRICK walks around CATHERINE and looks around the lab.) Catherine: My bet is that it's against your lab's policy. Bobby Jones: Great. You going to report me? (WARRICK opens the refrigerator.) Bobby Jones: Uh, you can't go in there. Warrick: We have a warrant. (WARRICK hands the warrant to BOBBY JONES.) Bobby Jones: Th-th-that's my personal fridge. (WARRICK finds a container of blood in the fridge.) Warrick: Now, what's this blood doing in there? (BOBBY JONES doesn't say anything.) Catherine: Mr. Jones ... I'm going to need a sample of your DNA. Bobby Jones: I bet you don't have a warrant for that. Warrick: (looking at the container) Catherine, I think we have all we need here. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM- DAY] (SARA carries the sword to GRISSOM.) Sara: Handle is molded plastic fiber. Materials are used by hundreds of manufacturers throughout the country. It's impossible to trace. Nick: Vintage cherry red leathers, bronze pvc fabric, aged. Countless furniture and clothing suppliers. Nothing really unique. Sara: But the ivory on the sword's scabbard is unique. In fact it's not ivory. It's treated bone from an emu. Inexpensive, but not widely used. (She gives the sword to GRISSOM.) Nick: Only about half a dozen us importers. One did recently make a sale to a business in Las Vegas. Sara: That same business also bought vintage leather, molded plastics and everything else he used to make this collection. Nick: Chen's scenic prop house -- owned by Graeme Chen of 1 Engelfield Road, Las Vegas, Nevada. Also his place of business. Sara: As of five minutes ago, no one's answering the phone. Grissom: Call Brass. Get a warrant. (GRISSOM whips out his mighty sword and startles SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHEN'S SCENIC PROP HOUSE -- NIGHT] (The warehouse doors open. BRASS, GRISSOM, SARA and NICK enter and look around.) Brass: You know, I always imagined your house would look like this, Gil. (NICK grins at the comment and heads for the back of the room while the others examine the other items along the way.) Nick: Hey, Grissom, check this out. (On the table are swords in various stages of completion. GRISSOM and SARA join him as they examine the swords.) Sara: Prototypes, maybe. Nick: Yeah, definitely. (In the back, BRASS continues to search the warehouse. He finds the sleeping area. He walks past a large Mikado showboard with a huge ladder leaning up against it pretty much blocking it.) Nick: Looks like Mr. Chen tried a few times before committing. Grissom: Well, he certainly does beautiful work. (BRASS puts on his latex gloves and moves aside the pants on the bed only to find a wallet just tossed there. And still, the showboard is in the background with the ladder leaning against it.) Brass: Want to see a picture of Mr. Chen? (GRISSOM walks over to BRASS to find him holding up a NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE for: CHEN, GRAEME 55 VISTA COURT LAS VEGAS, NEVADA Brass: I guess he lived here, too. Grissom: Mr. Chen is Mr. Yamamoto. He's not even Japanese. Brass: So, this is how Ty Caulfield's high rollers live -- a cot in a warehouse. Grissom: Well, I'm guessing he spent all his money on the baccarat tables, buying himself a reputation. (Quick flashback to: GRAEME CHEN at the gambling tables. TY CAULFIELD whispers over to the HEAD of SECURITY as GRAEME CHEN fans open his stack of bills. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: You got to spend money to make money. (NICK moves the ladder covering the showboard.) Sara: Hey. Take a look at this. (GRISSOM turns around and walks over to SARA who's staring at the Mikado's showboard. On the front are large photos of the actors of THE 33 THEATRE in LAS VEGAS, NV.) Sara: Brandon Miller, the security guard, the lifeguard, Nathan Pollard, and I'm guessing the registrar, Vanessa Green. Nick: So, Mr. Chen made their costumes, their props and their scenery. (GRISSOM looks at the title of the show, Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Mikado".) [CUE BACKGROUND: WOMEN CHORUS SINGING] Women: (echoy) Three little maids from school are we ... (GRISSOM starts singing the same phrase.) Grissom: (singing) ... three little maids from school are we ... [CUE BACKGROUND: DIGITAL RECORDING TONES BEEPING] (We hear the faint echoing combination of the digital recording beeps that opened the CAULFIELD vault.) (He puts it together.) Grissom: You ever listen to Gilbert and Sullivan? Nick: (nods) No. Grissom: Ty Caulfield does. Sara: The code from his digital vault. Nick: Coincidence? Grissom: I don't think so. How much does $10 million in cash weigh, I wonder? Nick: A lot. Grissom: Sara, I'm going to need the money bands you collected. Nick, you get to do the math. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE re-interviews BOBBY JONES. She shows him photos of the container of blood.) Catherine: The blood in your personal fridge belonged to Angela Sommerville. (She shows a second photo of the bloody lip print.) We found a lip print on the rim of the container we confiscated. (Quick flashback to: [INT. CLINIC] BOBBY JONES opens the refrigerator and drinks the blood straight out of the container. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bobby Jones: It's not a crime to drink someone's blood. (They're interviewing BOBBY JONES in a weird looking white room.) Warrick: How did her blood end up in your fridge? Bobby Jones: When Angela came in for her HIV test, she asked me to withdraw an extra unit. She paid me twenty bucks to store it, and never came back to pick it up. Catherine: And what, you just got thirsty? Angela's test date was 32 days ago, and our lab determined that the blood from your fridge was less than a week old. Would you explain that? Bobby Jones: Most girls turn away when I stick the needle in. (Quick flashback of: BOBBY JONES drawing ANGELA'S blood as she watches. He notices that she's not afraid of the blood ... or of the pain.) Bobby Jones: (V.O.) She was into it. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bobby Jones: I started watching over her. She was dating this wannabe total hollywood freak show. Warrick: Oh, so you're the real thing? Bobby Jones: These don't come (He points to his fangs as he smiles proudly at WARRICK.) Catherine: (o.s.) Mr. Jones, give me a file, and I could sharpen my teeth into fangs. Bobby Jones: I was born with these. Catherine: Mm-hmm. The night that Angela was murdered, you were "watching over her." (Quick flashback to: [VIEW THROUGH THE WINDOW] ANGELA begs LAZARUS.) Lazarus Kane: I will not be tied down. Angela Sommerville: No, Lazarus, please don't go. Bobby Jones: (V.O.) The poser just took off. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bobby Jones: She ... invited me in. (Quick flashback to: ANGELA opens the door to find BOBBY on the doorstep.) Angela Sommerville: Yeah? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bobby Jones: She was glad to see me. (Quick flashback to: BOBBY steps into the house.) Angela Sommerville: Who are you? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bobby Jones: We kissed. (Quick flashback to: BOBBY kisses ANGELA as she struggles against him.) Angela Sommerville: Get off me! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bobby Jones: She, um ... "offered" herself to me. (Quick flashback to: BOBBY bites ANGELA.) Angela Sommerville: Stop it! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: You mean she offered her blood to you? Bobby Jones: (smiling at the memory) Yeah. (Quick flashback to: BOBBY bites ANGELA as she screams and struggles. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: She may have offered her blood to you, but you took her life. You murdered her. (Quick flashback to: BOBBY pulls back and takes her blood. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (BOBBY smiles.) Bobby Jones: You can't prove that. Catherine: DNA from your saliva was on the rim of the container. It's consistent with the saliva surrounding the puncture marks on Angela's neck. Bobby Jones: I released Angela from her body. She's inside of me now. A part of me. And she's very much alive. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING] [INT. HOTEL / CASINO - CAULFIELD'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM tosses a bag of money on CAULFIELD'S desk.) Ty Caulfield: What's this? Grissom: This is what's left of your $10 million. Ty Caulfield: Thank you for reminding me. Grissom: Do you know how much $10 million weighs? (CAULFIELD shakes his head.) Grissom: 220 pounds. Your lifeguard, Nathan Pollard-- 5'6", 140 pounds. Ty Caulfield: Strong little bstrd. Grissom: Mmm. Say, could I borrow $10,000 in $100 bills? Ty Caulfield: What? Grissom: Only for a demonstration. Ty Caulfield: I'm sorry. I'm all out. Grissom: That's okay. I brought my own. (GRISSOM shows him the blank money bills.) It's only paper, but it's the same size, weight and density. (He puts it down on the table to continue the demonstration.) Did you know ... money bands are wrapped tightly around stacks of bills? They're very difficult to slip off. In fact, the only way you can get them off is to tear them. Ty Caulfield: What's your point? Grissom: None of your money bands were torn. Now, I don't know how much money you had in your vault, Mr. Caulfield, but I'm pretty sure I know how much you're going to be asking your insurance company for. You see, that's why you had your "thief" leave the money bands behind. You hired Mr. Chen and his merry band of actors to rip you off. I'm sure you paid them, but nothing close to $10 million. Ty Caulfield: "Your notions, though many, are not worth a penny." Grissom: Mmm. "The Mikado". Ty Caulfield: Notions are all you have. Otherwise, we'd be downtown instead of here in my office. You know, I've always been a big supporter of the arts. Hence, Mr. Yamamoto ... Grissom: Uh, Mr. Chen's ... Ty Caulfield: hence, the exhibition. Over the years, I've financed theatrical productions. Grissom: Including The Mikado? Well, you know, one of your "partners" is going to come back again someday. He's going to miss his family, friends, the ensemble. He'll be back. And I'm guessing he'll tell us all about your latest production. Ty Caulfield: Yes, well, until then, Mr. Grissom. Grissom: Until then. (GRISSOM stands up and collects his things.) Grissom: I'm going to hand my findings over to your insurance company. I wouldn't count on receiving a payment. (GRISSOM picks up his kit and heads out the door ... whistling.) FADE TO BLACK	Plan: A: Grissom; Q: Who is the main character of the episode? A: Sara; Q: Who is the female detective who deals with the case of the stolen sword? A: Nick; Q: Who is the third detective on the case? A: a bizarre case; Q: What is the case of the stolen sword? A: 17th century; Q: When was the Japanese samurai sword stolen? A: Warrick; Q: Who is Catherine's partner in the investigation of the vampires? A: a young woman; Q: Who is found dead with all her blood drained from her body? Summary: Grissom, Sara and Nick deal with a bizarre case when a priceless 17th century Japanese samurai sword is stolen from an exhibit at a casino. Meanwhile, Catherine and Warrick have to look into the world of ' vampires ' when a young woman is found dead with all her blood drained from her body.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Mercer and Parker meet in 306 "Hi, Infidelity." MERCER: Hi, I'm Mercer. Parker hurries Veronica away from Mercer and the radio station. PARKER: Oh, that guy, Mercer... Whilst staying with the dialogue from 306 "Hi, Infidelity," the scene cuts to Parker standing before the mirror, her head shaved, and of Mac and Veronica glancing at each other in horror from 301 "Welcome Wagon." PARKER: His cologne. It's burned into my brain. Veronica sits in Lamb's office in 306 "Hi, Infidelity." VERONICA: I'm here about the rapes at Hearst. Mercer Hayes. LAMB: We found two vials of GHB. Logan talks to Veronica in the Food Court. LOGAN: It's Mercer. Lamb just arrested him for the rapes on campus. He didn't do it. I was with him the night of the rape this summer. In the bar at the Neptune Grand, Keith faces his daughter about Harmony. KEITH: It's completely innocent. We're just friends. VERONICA: Unless your friend is a... Cut to Keith and Harmony in each other's arms in her hotel room. VERONICA: Unhappily married woman. End previously. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. It's very early in the morning. Veronica opens the door into the apartment and closes it behind her as quietly as she can. She grimaces as the slight noise it makes. In her bedroom, Veronica pulls a bag out of her closet and sets it on her desk. She takes some clothes from her drawers and stuffs them in the bag, tiptoeing the whole time. She's creeping towards the door of the apartment when Keith appears from his bedroom. KEITH: [softly] Where are you staying these days? Veronica freezes. KEITH: If I can be so bold. Veronica pulls a wry face before she turns to face her father. KEITH: You didn't come home last night. Veronica doesn't respond, but stares at him. KEITH: I called Logan's room at the Grand. He...said he didn't know where you were. Thing is, I think he was telling the truth. VERONICA: [self-righteously] I didn't come home last night, you didn't come home the night before that. Keith leaves the door of his bedroom and walks towards her. According to the clock on the top shelf of the bookcase, it's 6:50. (Of course, it may always show this time.) KEITH: That's what this is about? He stops in front of her. KEITH: Don't you think we should talk? VERONICA: Do you? Keith is taken aback by her coldness. VERONICA: Wallace is letting me stay in his dorm room until he and his roommate get back from their weekend...cramming Paper Chase-style at some motel out in Twentynine Palms. Come on, Dad. I thought you'd be happy. KEITH: [incredulous] Happy? VERONICA: Now you can have your new... Veronica searches for the words. VERONICA: Married girlfriend over and you two can... She again casts around for the words, a patently false smile on her face. VERONICA: I don't know, go crazy. KEITH: Don't make a joke out of this. Veronica drops the smile and stares up at him, bristling in her judgement. KEITH: It's my life. It's my choice. VERONICA: And this is mine. Veronica turns on her heel and walks out of the door without another word. Keith stares after her, upset. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Veronica has just showered and her hair is still wet. She finishes dressing, pulling down a t-shirt to add to the boxer shorts she has on. VERONICA VOICEOVER: What does a girl do when it seems every male in her life has let her down? Veronica goes over to the closet. The inner door of the closet has a mirror. Veronica bends down, searching in the closet and oblivious to the fact that Piz is standing at the open door of the room, watching her. VERONICA VOICEOVER: She seeks sanctuary, a place where no one can find her. A place where- Piz clears his throat. VERONICA: Oh! Veronica jerks upright and spins around. Her mouth drops open at the sight of Piz. She gives an embarrassed chuckle as Piz enters the room and closes the door. VERONICA: How long have you been standing there, Piz? I might expect a tip. PIZ: Just, like, two seconds. VERONICA: What are you doing here? PIZ: Oh, that, yeah. Uh, I live here. This is my room. He starts towards Veronica who hasn't moved from the relative safety of the closet. Piz points to the other end of the room, beyond her. PIZ: That's my bed. Veronica coughs a little as Piz passes her for his end of the room. PIZ: You remember my guitar. Veronica finally shuts the closet door and follows his progress. Piz puts a hand on his pride and joy, resting on the end of his bed. PIZ: [lovingly] That's where it gently weeps. He grins at her. VERONICA: You're supposed to be cramming in a motel, like in The Paper Chase? PIZ: You mean The Shining? All work and no play makes Wallace psychotic. I cough, like, once; he told me to take it outside. I asked him if he wanted a pizza and he was all, like... Piz turns and heads for his bed, waving his hands in the air as he imitates Wallace. PIZ: "Did we come here to eat or study?" He collapses on his bed, taking off one of his shoes and tossing it on the floor. Over his head is a poster for Jet, a band a fondness for which he shares with Mac as it was seen on her side of her dorm room in the pilot. PIZ: Better question: what are you doing here? VERONICA: Wallace said I could crash here while you boys were out of town. PIZ: Yeah, but why? Veronica takes a breath and then laughs, for she is not going to answer the question. She moves over to Wallace's bed to grab her bag. VERONICA: Um, you know what? I'm gonna get out of your way. PIZ: You're welcome to stay. Veronica pauses on her journey to the closet to get her stuff. She looks at him quizzically. Piz shrugs. Veronica considers the proposition. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, OUTSIDE WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY. The R.A., Moe, walks down the hallway, biting his nails. He pauses on seeing a girl, Meryl, huddled on the floor, her back to the wall. Meryl is watching the passing students, looking deeply worried. There is a case or backpack next to her. Moe crouches down. MOE: Uh, can I help you? MERYL: Yeah, this is my boyfriend's room. He's supposed to be here, but... She shakes her head. Moe lays a comforting hand over hers. MOE: Could I get you some tea, while you wait? Meryl, already freaked by her missing boyfriend, looks at Moe as if he were demented. Her eyes dart to the door of her boyfriend's room and her bottom lip droops. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Veronica, still in her t-shirt and boxer shorts, is lying on Wallace's bed, deeply focused on what is on her laptop screen. Beyond her, Piz is sitting on the small red couch. There is a book open on his knees, but he is giving it scant attention, his eyes continually straying to Veronica. He sighs on hearing a knock at the door. The rhythmic knock (some say "Imperial March" from Star Wars ) continues as he makes his way to the door. He opens it to find Meryl, a mug in her hands, and Moe. PIZ: Hey, Moe, what's up? Moe looks beyond Piz and sees Veronica atop Wallace's unmade bed. Veronica glances at herself in her boxers and the unmade bed, realising how compromising things appear. She lifts herself to a sitting position. VERONICA: Not what it looks like. MOE: Not one to judge. Moe chuckles and gives Piz an approving nod. Veronica is marginally less sanguine, pulling down her t-shirt primly. MOE: You haven't seen your next door neighbour around, have you? PIZ: Sully or Glen? MOE: Sully. Moe points to Meryl. MOE: This is his girlfriend. Meryl smiles hopefully. MERYL: Hi. MOE: He knew you were coming, right Meryl? MERYL: Yeah. I mean, I flew down from Sacramento. Sully said he would pick me up at the airport. It's not like him to flake. He's in trouble; something's happened to him, I'm positive. Piz turns to stare at Veronica and the other two do the same. Veronica has a momentary "Why me?" reaction until bowing to the inevitable. She holds up her hands. VERONICA: Fine. I'll see what I can do. Opening credits. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, SULLY AND GLEN'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Pictures of scantily-clad women decorate the wall of one side of the room. The camera pans around to reveal Sully's desk, closet (on which is fixed a poster for Dust on the Bible by Bad Livers), and bed over which there is a large poster of the band, the Rakes (a Pi Sig favourite too). The door to the room opens. Veronica peers in and hits the light switch. She enters. Moe and Piz pause at the door. PIZ: Keys to all our rooms? MOE: All R.A.s do. Meryl pushes past them to join Veronica, who is staring at the wall with the posters of women. MOE: For just such occasions. VERONICA: Well, I guess you never have to wonder if your boyfriend is straight. Meryl smiles. MERYL: Those aren't Sully's. His roommate must have put them up. VERONICA: Ah. Veronica is sceptical but lets it go. She turns to a room-divider/bookcase and starts to snoop around. Meryl follows her. MERYL: So, you do this, like, a lot? Find people? Mo and Piz finally move into the room towards them. VERONICA: People, stuff. Veronica doesn't find anything of interest and moves over to Sully's desk. MERYL: Really? That's interesting. MOE: Hey, check this out. Moe is bent down over a small chest of drawers under a large poster of Marlene Dietrich. Piz has pulled down a toiletries bag from the top of the bookcase Veronica vacated. He shuffles through the contents. PIZ: Toothbrush is here. Razor's here. Moe shuts a drawer and rises, holding a bottle of beer. MOE: He's really not supposed to have beer. Veronica in the meantime has found a Facebook on Sully's desk. She flicks through, finding a page on which the corner is turned down and one picture is circled. It is of Scarlett Reyes of Chula Vista, California. (For the detailed obsessed, and the sucker who has to collect the names for MI.net's Who's Who section, the others that can be seen by these old eyes are: Amy Oppat of San Diego, CA, Dorata Pearl of Detroit, MI, Anne Phanco of Santa Fe, NM, Mike K. Plagge of Princeton, NJ, Jason Potiker of Seattle, WA, Thomas Pulido of Scottsdale, AZ, Judy Rainier of Los Angeles, CA, Kellee Ramm of Denver, CO, Tyler Rechif of Klamath Falls, OR, Charles Reh of San Diego, CA, Carter Reynaud of Tempe, AZ. VERONICA: Do you know who Scarlett Reyes is? MERYL: No. Why? Veronica holds the page out to show Meryl. VERONICA: Any idea why Sully might be circling hotties in the Freshman Facebook? MERYL: Oh, that's not Sully's circle. Veronica frowns at Meryl. She cocks her head for an explanation. MERYL: His circles are more perfect. He's had all these drafting classes. Veronica doesn't appear to be convinced. MERYL: Listen. I appreciate the help, you guys, but I think I'm just gonna wait here until Sully shows. VERONICA: Well, I've got class right now. I'll check back with you after. Veronica turns to walk back around the bed but spots something of interest in the wastepaper basket. She picks it up and starts rummaging. Moe glances at Piz in surprise. PIZ: A year of finishing school; what are you gonna do? Veronica picks out a small slip of paper. Veronica examines it. VERONICA: A credit-card receipt. I'll check to see if he's out spending money. Meryl stares at her, a little bemused. Veronica exits and Meryl looks down into the wastepaper basket, still frowning. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY LECTURE ROOM - DAY. The room is darkened as Professor Landry has slides up on a large screen behind. The screen currently displays a map of the United States, on which each state in coloured in one of five colours. LANDRY: And one final item of business... The screen changes to a slide with the words "Term Research Paper" on it. "CRIM 101" is in the top right-hand corner. LANDRY: Your end-of-term research paper. There's a collective groan. LANDRY: Oh, yes. Your assignment: to plan the perfect murder. He clicks on the remote in his hand. The details are added to the slide on the screen: "Plan the Perfect Murder. 20 Pages, MLA. Grade determined by number of flaws or holes in your plot. Due one week before finals." Veronica watches from her seat. VERONICA VOICEOVER: From the guy who couldn't plan an affair with the dean's wife. One of the students holds up her hand. LANDRY: Yes, Miss Starr? MISS STARR: Does it matter who the victim is? LANDRY: That is entirely at the killer's discretion. Though I may say, in years past, I've made a popular target. The students laugh appreciatively. Veronica does not join in. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The man who would be my mentor: Mr. Popular. Just another on the list of men who disappoint. Landry closes down the slides. LANDRY: Good luck. See you all Tuesday. Landry is by now at the lectern. Behind him, under the screen, part of what is written on the whiteboard can be seen: "Will cover, before Christmas break -Genesis of law, primitive...modern legal systems - Theories of causations...or thought of causations - Criminal apologies...the white collar crime." LANDRY: A-and, Miss Mars, you mind sticking around? I need to speak to you. Veronica draws in a deep breath, not happy. There's a brief cut to show the room nearly empty. Veronica, who has stayed in her seat, finally rises and walks up to the front. VERONICA: We don't have to do this. It really doesn't matter to me. Landry walks forward, holding a wad of papers, as if he hasn't heard her. LANDRY: Veronica, I am recommending you for a summer internship at the FBI. He hands the papers to her. She scans the top sheet. VERONICA: [uncertainly] Fifteen hundred words on why I'll benefit from the program? LANDRY: Yeah. They take it seriously. Fill that out, and I'll accept that in lieu of your "plan a perfect murder" paper. We both know that you can do that in your sleep, right? The guy who runs the intern program in Quantico is an old undergrad buddy. I'll see that your application makes it into the small pile, if you know what I mean. Having collected his stuff together, Landry exits. Veronica calls out after him. VERONICA: Got it. Thanks. VERONICA VOICEOVER: No term paper, a dream internship, and all I have to do is keep my mouth shut. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Logan is sitting on top of a bench, waiting. He's playing with the shirt that's not being currently worn over his t-shirt. Veronica sees him and after a brief hesitation, walks to him. She's in a hostile mood. VERONICA: I'm on the case, okay? Don't worry. The sheriff won't let me see Mercer until tomorrow morning. Logan stops fiddling with his shirt, laying it across his thigh. LOGAN: Look, I'm not here to talk about Mercer. There's a long pause as Veronica starts to get uncomfortable. LOGAN: Okay? I just...I don't know. I want to make things right between us. Logan slides off the back of the bench. Veronica starts to walk away, leaving Logan frustrated that she won't stand still and talk. He follows. VERONICA: You tell me your friend couldn't have raped a girl because he was with you this summer. Then you won't tell me what you were doing or why you can't come forward to provide an alibi, so how exactly do you propose to make things right? [scoffs] Are you gonna hypnotise me? LOGAN: I don't know. I was hoping your desire to find the real rapist might outweigh your need to drag me over the coals. VERONICA: Who says I can't do both? Logan spins around in front of her, forcing her to stop. LOGAN: [angry] Hey, Veronica! Trust me. Veronica is taken aback by his vehemence. Logan tempers the passion and stares down at her. LOGAN: It is better for everyone if this secret stays that way, okay? Please, have a little faith. VERONICA: How bad does your alibi have to be if Mercer would rather stay in jail than divulge it? Logan doesn't answer, begging with his eyes. VERONICA: Huh? He won't respond. She laughs humourlessly and walks away again. VERONICA: Maybe I don't want to know what you were up to. Logan chases after her again. LOGAN: When have you ever not wanted to know anything? She doesn't answer, her face set. Logan sighs and catches up to her side again. LOGAN: Your dad called me last night. He woke me up wanting to know where you were. VERONICA: Is that so? LOGAN: So, where are you staying these days? VERONICA: It's better for everyone if that secret stays that way. Veronica takes a left turn. Logan doesn't follow, so she turns to face him. VERONICA: Is that how it works? Did I get the inflection right? She turns on her heel and walks away from him. He watches her go, gutted. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, SULLY AND GLEN'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Veronica stands at the door and knocks. It is opened enthusiastically, but Meryl's joy is short-lived when she sees it is Veronica at the door. Meryl sighs. VERONICA: Still no word, huh? MERYL: I think we should go to the police. Veronica walks into the room, patting Meryl on the arm as she passes her, and heading around Sully's bed for his desk. VERONICA: Not yet. It hasn't been forty-eight hours. College boy isn't around when his high school girlfriend shows up? The sheriff would laugh you out of there. MERYL: I don't get it. Why would he laugh? VERONICA: Because the sheriff is a moron. This depresses Meryl. VERONICA: No activity on Sully's credit card, but I had an idea walking over here. Any chance you know his cell phone pin number? Meryl thinks. Cut to a few moments later. Meryl joins Veronica sitting on the bed. Veronica is listening to an automated message on her cell phone. AUTOMATED VOICE: [on phone] Welcome to voicemail. You have twelve new messages. MERYL: Put it on speaker phone. Veronica taps some keys to do so. She plays the first message. MERYL: [on phone] Sully, I'm here at the gate. Are we meeting at bag- Veronica plays the next one. MERYL: [on phone, plaintively] Sully, I'm at baggage. Veronica plays the next one. SCARLETT: [on phone] Hey, there, Sully. It's Scarlett. Are we still on for tomorrow night? Food Court at eight? You told your girlfriend, right? MERYL: Weird. What do you make of that? Veronica cannot believe Meryl's naivety. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. In one of the jail cells, a big, scary-looking man snores softly in the top bunk. Another one, ever scarier due to the eye-patch, bandaged head, and t-shirt covered in blood, is doing the same in the lower bunk. Off to the site, on the cold, hard bench, Mercer is huddled, trying to sleep. VERONICA: Nobody willing to spoon you? Veronica approaches the bars. Mercer looks up. MERCER: Uh, no one volunteered. VERONICA: Well, you know what they say in the big house: if you can't find a partner, use a wooden chair. Let's rock. Mercer has pulled himself up into a sitting position. He glances at his cell mates who are starting to get restless with the noise. He walks up to the bars to continue the conversation without disturbing them. MERCER: What are you doing here, Veronica? VERONICA: You. Logan says he's got an alibi for the two of you...the night of the third rape. August 13th? MERCER: I suppose he does. VERONICA: So, you do remember. MERCER: That night? Yeah. It's...memorable. The night of the other three rapes, I... Mercer shrugs to indicate that he has no idea. VERONICA: Care to share what you two free-spirited lads were up to? I'll give you a hint. It was squalid. MERCER: Logan has good reason to keep that to himself. But you shouldn't worry. He's a solid guy. I mean, I'd want him to be my boyfriend if I swung that way. VERONICA: Give it time. You just got here. Mercer looks back with concern at his cell mates. VERONICA: So, if there's anything you can tell me that could help clear you- MERCER: The sheriff seemed awfully interested in my cologne. Uh, GQ had a sample of it in the back-to-school issue, so I hardly think that's some huge clue. Now, do you think I'm the only guy at Hearst who owns clippers and subscribes to Gentleman's Quarterly? VERONICA: And keeps a stockpile of GHB handy, from what I hear. MERCER: That wasn't mine. I think someone's setting me up. Okay, there... Mercer glances behind him and speaks more softly. MERCER: There are a couple guys who owe me big. VERONICA: I'll bite. Who? MERCER: Pi Sig president Chip Diller. VERONICA: Not that shocked. MERCER: Dean Cyrus O'Dell. VERONICA: You're lying. MERCER: Big boxing fan, the dean. Unfortunately, he can't pick them. And he has a student aide, uh, place the bets for him, but it's the dean's money. He'd like to see me gone. VERONICA: I'll look into it. MERCER: Thanks, Veronica. Ah, Logan's, uh, bragged you up. I appreciate the help. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, SULLY AND GLEN'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Knocking first, Veronica enters the room. Meryl is standing forlornly in the middle of it. VERONICA: Hey, Meryl, any luck? MERYL: No. none. I called all the hospitals. I talked to his professors, and nobody has seen or heard from him. I- Meryl paces a little. MERYL: Look, I was just thinking. Veronica sighs and shuts the door. MERYL: Sully told me that in his physics class, they're working with lasers. So, what if Sully accidentally discovered some new technology, you know, like some kind of laser cannon that could assassinate people from space or something? As Meryl gets increasingly passionate about her bizarre theory, Veronica approaches her carefully, with her hands gesturing for Meryl to calm down. MERYL: He could be running from, I don't know, sinister forces! Meryl finishes her imaginative tale by sitting down hard on the edge of the room divider. Veronica crouches down in front of her and speaks gently. VERONICA: Have you ever heard of Occam's razor, Meryl? MERYL: Is that a space laser? Veronica shakes her head. MERYL: Has it already been invented? VERONICA: No, it's a theory. Basically, the theory states that when given a set of possible explanations for a phenomenon, we should embrace the least complicated. So... Veronica takes a deep breath. VERONICA: I guess I'm saying that if on the one hand, you have Sully inventing a space laser, and on the other, maybe he wants to break up but is taking the coward's way out... MERYL: You're saying maybe he's breaking up with me? I hope that's all it is. At least then I'd know he's okay. Behind them, the door to the room swings open. They both look to see a long-haired, baseball-capped, stonnerish-looking guy. He freezes. GLEN: Oh. Hey. He stares at them for a moment, then walks past them to the far end of the room. He throws down his bag. Both rise to join him in his part of the room. GLEN: I didn't see the sock, so I figured there was nothing nasty going down. VERONICA: Are you Glen? GLEN: The man, the myth, the legend. Which one of you is Meryl? MERYL: That's me. GLEN: For real? He leers at Veronica. GLEN: And that makes you the hot friend. So, where's Sully at? He falls back onto his bed, propping himself up on an elbow. VERONICA: Uh, we were hoping you might know. GLEN: Me? Man, he asked me to clear out for the weekend 'cause you were coming down. VERONICA: When's the last time you saw him? GLEN: Yesterday morning. He was going surfing. MERYL: Sully doesn't surf. He's from Sacramento. GLEN: That's where he said he was heading. VERONICA: Why are you back early? GLEN: 'Cause my stepmom confiscated my Xbox. The bitch is taking her life in her own hands, you know what I'm saying? Plus, I figured maybe Sully didn't need the room after the knock-down, drag-out you two had on the phone Thursday night. Veronica can't believe Meryl hasn't told her this. Meryl hangs her head down guiltily. VERONICA: Wait. You two had a fight? Meryl finally looks up Veronica, although she doesn't seem to be that apologetic. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Harmony opens the outer door of the office and pauses. Keith is at one of the filing cabinets behind Veronica's desk, his back to the door. HARMONY: Hey. Keith doesn't turn around immediately, but does drop his head and grin. Then he turns, a smile on his face. Harmony is still at the door. HARMONY: I just came by to make sure your phone was working okay. KEITH: It's fine. I know because I've picked it up a dozen times and listened to the dial tone... Harmony steps into the office and closes the door. She closes the space between then, ending up in front of the reception desk. KEITH: Wanting to call. It's just, um... HARMONY: Don't beat yourself up. What happened happened. KEITH: Yeah, but...it doesn't make it right. Keith heads for his office. Harmony rushes after him, catching him at the door to his office. HARMONY: Keith, would it help you to know that my husband and I haven't had sx for eight months? We're just two people who share the same house. KEITH: And a child. HARMONY: Yes, and a child. Keith sadly turns away from her again. HARMONY: I'm going to leave him, Keith, as soon as he gets back to town. KEITH: That's crazy. He turns back to her. HARMONY: No, it's sensible. Sticking out a loveless marriage, that's crazy. I want to know... She takes a step closer. HARMONY: This thing I'm feeling, do you feel it, too? KEITH: Yes. Absolutely. But it's not that s- They both chuckle at the plight they're in. HARMONY: Simple. I know. It's complicated, and we're not gonna figure it out in a day. Let's just do one thing. Keith leans down, as if to kiss her and she rises up to meet him, but they don't actually kiss. HARMONY: You, me, Palm Springs, this weekend. Take some time away from Neptune. Just see? Just say you'll go away with me. Keith is smiling and when he leans down again, their faces do touch. Cut to seconds later. Harmony backs out of Keith's office. She's startled by a presence. Vinnie Vanlowe is sitting on the small couch in the outer office, reading a magazine. HARMONY: Oh. Excuse me. VINNIE: No rush...Mrs. Chase. Harmony freezes, then stares at him. Cut to seconds later in Keith's office. He is returning to his desk when Vinnie appears at the door. Keith sits in his chair. Vinnie gazes in the direction Harmony left. VINNIE: Nice-looking lady. KEITH: Vinnie. To what do I owe...this? VINNIE: You know that show Let's Make a Deal, where they make...deals? Vinnie eases himself into the chair opposite Keith. He's carrying a large envelope. VINNIE: Well, the Fitzpatrick boys have me on retainer. I practically have an office down there and they got this crazy idea that little Miss Kendall Casablancas owes them money and that you... Vinnie chortles. VINNIE: Know where the money's hidden. Now, a word of advice, Keith: don't owe the Fitzpatricks money. So, what if...instead of me expending a lot of energy tracking it down, we split the retainer? It's as easy as you [whispering dramatically] whispering an address in my ear. KEITH: I don't know where Kendall is. Sorry, Vinnie. VINNIE: No biggie. That's cool. Let's peek behind door number two. Vinnie flings the envelope at Keith, so it lands right in front of him. Keith starts to open it. VINNIE: Now, this is not a value judgement, Keith, 'cause, believe me... Vinnie laughs in a lascivious manner. Keith gazes on pictures of him and Harmony in her room at the Neptune Grand. VINNIE: I have been there. I mean, there was this one married lady, smokin' hot blonde. Cried all day and ashed Pall Malls all over my couch, but, man, could she lay the lumber. Now, this one you got, though, I mean, a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. KEITH: What do you want? VINNIE: Well, first... Vinnie picks up one of the pictures. VINNIE: You could acknowledge the artistry here. I mean, you remember how dark it was. Open aperture, full zoom from across the street. Steadiest hands in the biz. KEITH: Why are you here, Vinnie? Money? VINNIE: The girl at the Fotomat used to call me the human tripod. Wait. That's something else. KEITH: How much? Vinnie throws the picture back on the desk. He looks up innocently. VINNIE: Hmm? Keith stares steadily at him. VINNIE: Mmm. Vinnie thinks with fervour. VINNIE: Well, Mr. Chase is paying me two grand to prove that his wife is having an affair. So, I figure you double that, and we can all walk away winners, except for... Vinnie laughs again. VINNIE: Mr. Chase, of course. Vinnie drops all levity. He gets suddenly serious and threatening. VINNIE: Sound like a deal, Keith? Keith doesn't respond. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - NIGHT. Music: "Silver Girl" by Mere Mortals. LYRICS: Well once I had a silver girl But I can't feel her now We had to crash, I had to bring her down She'd work all day for seven sons And made our light shine on And when she moved, she smiled for everyone Sometimes I shake like I'm in love But I'm okay the next day Sometimes I shake like I'm in love But I'm okay The street for me, the home for you The smile for everyone When you move the sparks come off your tongue Well, here we come now, baby Always in the know Our days go by and heroes sigh too slow Sometimes I shake like I'm in love But I'm okay the next day Sometimes I shake like I'm in love But I'm okay the next day Sometimes I shake like I'm in love But I'm okay the next day Sometimes I shake like I'm in love But I'm okay the next day The next day, the next day, the next day Meryl and Veronica walk into the start of the busy Food Court. Veronica glances around before picking her spot. VERONICA: Over here. She pulls Meryl, who is somewhat reluctant, over to the side where they can stand behind a half wall topped with a planter containing a row of Mother-in-Law's Tongues. They are well-hidden from the diners. Veronica parts some of the leaves to get a good look. VERONICA: You know... She turns away from her surveillance to face Meryl. VERONICA: You really should have told me about the fight you and Sully had. MERYL: It wasn't that big a deal. It was just the long-distance thing getting to us. VERONICA: You have a fight, and then he's not around when you fly in. That doesn't make you the least bit suspicious? MERYL: No. Veronica sighs at Meryl's refusal to accept her worldview. She looks back out over the Food Court. She sees Scarlett set down a drink and tray at one of the tables. She points. VERONICA: There. Scarlett from the Facebook. Meryl races off. Veronica chases after her. VERONICA: Wait! Wait! Veronica grabs her arm at the entrance to the Food Court, stopping Meryl's determined march to Scarlett. Meryl swings around, held back by Veronica's grip. MERYL: Aren't we talking to her? VERONICA: Not yet. Veronica's eyes dart around the Food Court. VERONICA: You might spook him. Meryl has no idea what she's talking about. MERYL: Spook who? VERONICA: If Sully sees us waiting for him, he might, you know, try to slip away. MERYL: Veronica, you just don't get it. Sully is in trouble. And if this Scarlett girl could help us find him... Meryl looks pointedly down at Veronica grip on her arm. Veronica lets go, holding up her hands in defeat. Meryl immediately makes for Scarlett, sitting down on the seat next to her. Veronica follows her to the table more slowly. MERYL: Hi. I'm Meryl. I'm Sully's girlfriend. Scarlett is taken aback. SCARLETT: Oh. Hi. Veronica reaches the table and stands behind Meryl. MERYL: And this is my friend Veronica. Veronica gives a huge, fake grin which disappears as quickly as it came. MERYL: So, you're supposed to meet Sully here, aren't you? SCARLETT: Right. To study. Veronica walks around the table, still glancing around, looking for Sully. Once she is on the other side of Scarlett, she attacks. VERONICA: When was the last time you saw him? SCARLETT: In physics lab, on Thursday. Veronica gives Meryl an almost triumphant look before sinking into the chair the other side of Scarlett. SCARLETT: Wait. He's not around? Is he all right? MERYL: Actually... VERONICA: [sarcastically] Dig the outfit. Is that from Dolce and Gabbana's study-buddy collection? MERYL: [warning] Veronica. SCARLETT: It's Friday. I'm going to a club after. VERONICA: Scarlett, did you happen to notice whether Sully invented a space laser of some sort? MERYL: You don't have to be mean. VERONICA: I'm sorry, Meryl, but Scarlett here has either stolen your boyfriend or she wants to. That's just the way it is. You can choose to be a patsy... Veronica sees Professor Landry up at one of the food stands. VERONICA: Or you can choose not to be. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And if you'll excuse me, I need to make this point elsewhere in the food court. Veronica sighs. VERONICA: Talk amongst yourselves. She abruptly rises from the table, leaving a nervous Scarlett and a slightly pissed off Meryl behind. Veronica heads for Landry, catching him after he has paid and heading for a table. VERONICA: Dr. Landry? LANDRY: Veronica. Have a seat. Share a rib. VERONICA: I don't like to get my hands dirty. He gets that she may not be talking about the ribs, but chooses to ignore it. LANDRY: How's your application? VERONICA: Well, here's the thing, I thought about it, and I'm gonna pass on the FBI thing. They come to a halt at an empty table. VERONICA: So, you'll get my "plan a perfect murder" paper along with everyone else's. LANDRY: I don't quite understand. Why? VERONICA: Why? Because...because I'm not sure I'll get much out of a special summer program if I feel I've been bought off. Landry puts his tray down on the empty table. LANDRY: Why would you feel bought off? VERONICA: I was never gonna tell anyone about your...situation with the dean's wife. I guess I don't think any less of you as a professor. I just don't feel right about taking this. The internship feels like hush money. LANDRY: Take the internship. There's no quid pro quo here. I'm not worried about what you might say about what you saw at the Grand. This is about nothing more or less than the fact that you are, by far, my strongest student. Forget me, Veronica. Think about you. Think about how this would look on your résumé. VERONICA: My résumé? LANDRY: Three more years, and that's all that's gonna matter about what happened here. Think it over. Landry takes his seat at the table. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay. Consider my mind blown... She turns and sees Scarlett pull Meryl into a hug. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And then put back together and blown again. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT. End music: "Silver Girl" by Mere Mortals. Piz opens the door to the room from the hall. Veronica is working at Wallace's desk, albeit with the laptop on her lap. VERONICA: Yo, room dog. What up? Big plans this Friday night? PIZ: Work. You? Study night? VERONICA: Planning the perfect murder. She smiles. PIZ: Uh, oh. Piz heads for his part of the room. Meryl is fast asleep in his bed. PIZ: There's a girl in my bed. VERONICA: [lasciviously] Yeah, buddy. Piz looks at her, a little shocked, an expression which then turns quizzical. VERONICA: It took a double shot of night-time cold medicine to get her down. It also stopped her sniffling. She's pretty worked up about her boyfriend. PIZ: Understandable, but, um, where am I sleeping? VERONICA: Play your cards right...the floor. PIZ: Keith Richards wouldn't sleep on the floor. VERONICA: Probably true. Piz collects a big box of records from beside his bed. VERONICA: They still make vinyl records? PIZ: Uh, dance music still comes in vinyl. I'm covering Mercer's slot. VERONICA: His slot? What slot? PIZ: Club Flush. Club and house music. This excites Veronica's interest. She closes and puts aside the laptop together with her notepad. VERONICA: Hold on. I'm coming with you. She grabs her jacket and bag and follows him out of the room. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - NIGHT. There are a few people in the station's outer office. They ignore Piz and Veronica who go straight to the desk. Piz drops the box of albums, then uses the keyboard on the computer there. He pulls up a schedule page. PIZ: Here it is. Every show, every D.J. shift is logged on this computer. The screen shows a week's worth of programmes. Veronica bends down and takes over control with the mouse. PIZ: What happened on September 30th? VERONICA: Parker was raped. Piz appears to have been ignorant of the fact. Veronica carries on with her seach. She pulls up the details for "Club Flush - Mercer Hayes" on the right-hand side. It indicates that Mercer was on from 9pm to 11pm (?!) on Saturday, September 30th and that his show is a weekly. It's reported to end on 30/06/06 which is confusing as it's reporting a September show and American-style dates are used elsewhere. It states that there are no attendees for the show. On the left-hand side of the screen, the programme for all of Saturday can be discerned, with the name of the DJ, the title of the show and the time: Kevin Simmons with "Emo Lounge" at 1pm, Gregory Barker and Mike Kennedy with "Left Over Right" at 2pm, Kenneth Goldman with "Goldman's Gold" at 4pm, News at 6pm, Jessica Prindle with "The 33 Chart Toppers" at 7pm, Mercer at 9pm and Lionnel Feilspar with "Furrious Musings" at 11pm. Veronica changes the date to look at the schedule for March 24th. Then, Mercer was on air from 10pm to midnight, along with Hans Tucker with "Three Cents" at 7pm and Randal Mitchell with "Soul Brother" at 9pm. VERONICA: Mercer couldn't have raped Stacy, either. Wait. Unless he pre-recorded his show so he knew he'd have an alibi. Piz picks up his albums, heading over to the large bookcase. PIZ: I seriously doubt it. VERONICA: Why's that? PIZ: It's a call-in request show. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT. Logan is asleep in bed and the room is dark, but Veronica's silhouette can be seen, standing by the bed. She turns on the lamp beside the bed. Logan stirs and slowly turns to look up at her. He sighs. LOGAN: Something tells me this isn't a booty call. VERONICA: I got what you need to get Mercer out of jail. It's yours, Logan. No one has to know where you were that night...no one except me. Logan pulls himself up into to sitting position. LOGAN: Can you leave it alone? Can you trust me? They stare at each other for a long moment, Veronica's eyes filling. VERONICA: No, I can't. I'm not built that way. LOGAN: Who gets blackmailed by his girlfriend? Veronica drops her head, but doesn't back down. He stares at her, hurt. LOGAN: Oh, I guess I do. He drops his head and sighs. Veronica risks a glance at him, waiting. LOGAN: We were in Tijuana. Veronica nods, as if she expected that. LOGAN: You know, we partied all night. I mean, it was no big deal. And when we got back to our rooms, he started making these drinks, flaming DPs. You know, you set a shot glass of rum and amaretto on fire, and you drop it in a beer. VERONICA: Hold on. Let me get a pen. I want to jot down this recipe. LOGAN: He set the room on fire. VERONICA: He did? And where were you for all this fun? LOGAN: Asleep in my room. VERONICA: [strangled] Alone? LOGAN: [quietly] Yeah, alone. Veronica masks disbelief with something of a scoff. VERONICA: Well, then, you're not really much of an alibi, are you? LOGAN: We were in Mexico, Veronica. We had adjoining rooms. I g-...I mean, the door between the rooms was open. I could hear them. VERONICA: Them? LOGAN: There were girls in his room. Is that what you want to know? Veronica turns away from him. Logan throws back the covers and slides out of bed, angry. LOGAN: I am your boyfriend, Veronica, and you're treating me like a criminal. VERONICA: You could have told all this to Lamb. LOGAN: By the time we got out of the room, the fire was spreading. The whole motel was going up in flames. Okay, w- Logan runs his hand through his hair. LOGAN: And, I don't know, we had to get out of there. VERONICA: You didn't stick around to try to help? Logan swallows hard. VERONICA: You didn't see if everyone was okay? Logan looks down at the floor before responding. LOGAN: You know, it's because of the look on your face right now that I didn't want to tell you. I did what nine out of ten guys in my situation would have done. I ran. You know, so, either Mercer sits in jail here, or he gives his alibi and sits on his ass in some Mexican jail. At least here he's innocent. VERONICA: Tell Lamb to check the log at the campus radio station. Veronica turns and starts walking out of the suite. VERONICA: That should get your friend released. Logan watches her go, then sighs deeply as he leans down with his hands on the bed. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY. It's Veronica's turn to be fast asleep. A hand shakes her awake. MERYL: [in a loud whisper] Veronica! Veronica! Hey! Hey! You've got to listen to this. Meryl, who is sitting on Wallace's bed, holds up her cell phone. Veronica is very slowly coming to consciousness and lifts herself up. MERYL: At first I didn't recognise the voice 'cause it's kind of noisy. But now, I'm sure it's Sully. Veronica takes the phone, still trying to wake up. AUTOMATED VOICE: [on phone] First saved message. Sully's voice is very slurred and there are loud sounds in the background of laughter and shouting. SULLY: [on phone] I'm so sorry I missed you. I can't wait to see you. I'll talk to you later. Veronica perks up a little. VERONICA: The number Sully called you from, you check your Caller ID? MERYL: Yeah. He used his cell. I tried calling him back but it just rings and rings, and it goes to voicemail. VERONICA: That's great. As long as he's got it turned on, we can track him. I've just got to grab a gizmo from my dad's office. Veronica gets out of bed. She heads for the closet, having to step over, who is stretched out on the floor, on the way. He's partially awake, calling out groggily. PIZ: Can you bring back an egg sandwich of some sort, if it won't slow you down? Veronica nods. VERONICA: Egg sandwich? Piz gives her a sleepy thumb's up. Veronica points at him and then at Meryl in a Blues Brothers reference. VERONICA: Egg sandwich. Orange whip? Hmm? Meryl laughs for the first time since arriving at Hearst. Piz rolls over to go back to sleep and Veronica grabs her clothes from the closet. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Veronica is rummaging through one of the filing cabinet drawers in Keith's office. She doesn't find what she's looking for and tries another. Keith enters. KEITH: You're up early. VERONICA: Yeah, you too. KEITH: You don't have to go through all this trouble avoiding me. I know you're disappointed. But at least give me the opportunity to explain. VERONICA: What's to explain? That's the way the world works. You're an adult. I'm an adult. What's her name's an adult. Having found what she is looking for, Veronica slips it into her bag. KEITH: But I want you to understand that this is not just some fling. Veronica... Keith grins. KEITH: This is something special. Veronica busies herself with putting things back in the drawer that she had removed in her search. VERONICA: "This is something special." Where have we heard that before? Oh, yeah, from every john we've ever caught with his pants down. KEITH: Veronica. VERONICA: So if Jake Kane thought he and mom had something special, would that have been okay? KEITH: Harmony is leaving her husband. VERONICA: Listen to yourself. Does her husband know this yet? Keith can't answer the question. VERONICA: Yeah. Veronica walks around him to leave his office. She turns at the door to face him again. VERONICA: Look, Dad, do what you got to do, okay? I've seen too much working here to ever be surprised again. KEITH: I know you, Veronica. You're not that jaded. VERONICA: I didn't used to be. I had this one shining example that gave me some faith. Veronica trounces off, leaving Keith close to tears. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - DAY. Veronica's Saturn turns right at a junction. In the car, Veronica is driving and Meryl is holding the tracker. Veronica casts a worried look at Meryl. VERONICA: I ran Sully's cards again. There were a bunch of charges from last night, all in this neighbourhood. MERYL: Charges from where? Veronica sighs. VERONICA: Circus of Liquors, Crazy Girls, World of Cigarettes. Meryl takes a moment to digest this diary of debauchery. MERYL: At least he's okay, right? They pass a couple of guys harassing a passing girl. VERONICA: I guess we can rule out kidnapping... unless he was abducted by the Insane Clown Posse. The tracker shows a basic street map. Some streets are named, like Euclid Rd., Starcrest Ln., and Merryl Dr. The tracker is showing the cell phone on the corner of Reno Dr. and the road they are on. Veronica looks at the map and pulls into a business across the street from the target, entering the parking lot for Big City from Euclid Road. VERONICA: This is it. Veronica looks at the location. It is the River Stix. She gives a wry chuckle. VERONICA: Of all the gin joints in all the cities in all the world. Meryl unclips her seat belt and makes to leap out of the car. Veronica grabs her by the arm to stop her. VERONICA: Meryl. We can't go in there. Let me call someone for help. Last time I went in there, my boyfriend pulled a gun on the owner of the place. Veronica is rummaging through her bag. Meryl looks down at the tracker. MERYL: That's Sully's cell phone, that blinking dot, right? Veronica pulls out her laptop and her cell phone. VERONICA: We'll get help. We'll call the sheriff. MERYL: You mean the moron? VERONICA: He's a well-armed moron. Veronica punches a few numbers and puts the phone to her ear. MERYL: Fine. While Veronica awaits a response, Meryl, whose hand is still on the door handle, makes her own decision; she leaps out of the car. Veronica tries to grab her but fails. Veronica lets out a frustrated sigh as she watches Meryl run across the street towards the bar. Veronica lets her head fall back on the headrest. VERONICA: Oh, crap. INT - RIVER STIX - DAY. Music: "A Pair of Brown Eyes" by the Pogues. LYRICS: One summer evening drunk to hell I stood there nearly lifeless An old man in the corner sang Where the water lilies grow And on the jukebox Johnny sang About a thing called love And it's how are you kid and what's your name And how would you bloody know? In blood and death 'neath a screaming sky I lay down on the ground And the arms and legs of other men Were scattered all around Some cursed, some prayed, some prayed then cursed Then prayed and bled some more And the only thing that I could see Was a pair of brown eyes that was looking at me But when we got back, labelled parts one to three There was no pair of brown eyes waiting for me And a rovin' a rovin' a rovin' I'll go For a pair of brown eyes I looked at him he looked at me All I could do was hate him While Ray and Philomena sang Of my elusive dream I saw the streams, the rolling hills Where his brown eyes were waiting And I thought about a pair of brown eyes That waited once for me So drunk- A player breaks on a pool table, drawing favourable comments from one of those watching. At the bar, Meryl is talking to Danny Boyd. DANNY: The name's Billy Sullivan, huh? Meryl hold up her hand to indicate a couple of inches taller than herself. MERYL: About this tall, blond hair? DANNY: Huh. Let's see. Uh... Danny calls out to the pool players. DANNY: Hey! Uh, Irish lad, medium build, lost? The pool players just smile and return to their game. Veronica is striding up the bar, towards Danny and Meryl. DANNY: No, we don't get many of those in here. MERYL: No? DANNY: No. Veronica reaches Veronica and pulls her arm urgently. VERONICA: Meryl, we need to go. Meryl resists and won't budge. Meanwhile, Danny is staring at Veronica, open-mouthed. MERYL: You said Sully's here somewhere. DANNY: I know you. Danny takes a step towards her. DANNY: You're Keith Mars' little girl. It's, um... Danny walks around behind her and between them, putting his arms around them both. DANNY: Veronica. So... Danny drops his arms and passes between them, turning to face them again. DANNY: You're always dropping by here looking for people. And what gives you the idea young Billy Sullivan stopped here? Veronica looks behind Danny, at the stacked boxes for goods from Circus Liquors and World of Cigarettes. VERONICA: You're sitting on it, Potsie. DANNY: What? This? It just fell off a truck we were lucky enough to happen by. Veronica pulls out her cell and punches in a number. VERONICA: You mind getting this? DANNY: What? A cell phone starts to ring at the bar. VERONICA: Sully's cell phone. Maybe he was in here last night, tending bar. Unseen by Veronica, Liam Fitzpatrick spots her and bows down to creep up behind Veronica. He grabs her in a bear hug, pinning her arms to her body and lifting her off the floor. LIAM: Uh, mind if we take you to him? VERONICA: Let me down. Danny laughs but Meryl is frightened as she watches them. LIAM: Are you here to lecture us on stealing now? Liam starts to sway with Veronica in his grip, dancing. Veronica tries to struggles but is immobilised. LIAM: It's not enough your dad put half my family in jail. Not that I hold a grudge. No! Fair play, Sheriff Mars. MERYL: Let go of her! LIAM: Patience, sister. You'll get your turn. Liam sings drunkenly along with the Pogues. LIAM: [singing] And a-roving, a-roving, a-roving I'll go for a pair of brown eyes. Liam keeps spinning around. Veronica is struggling to breathe. LIAM: You see, now I got a real problem, 'cause private investigator Mars sticks his nose into my business, and he helps that Casablancas bitch check out of Neptune with millions in my cash. Huh? VERONICA: [strangled] I can't breathe. Liam laughs. LIAM: Oh! Meryl, desperate to do something, grabs a bottle of beer and holds it up, ready to hit Liam. Danny, behind her, gives her a WTF?! look and lifts it out of her hand. Thwarted, Meryl tries to step forward to intervene but Danny pulls her back. A man at the bar stumbles off his stool and heads for them. It's Vinnie, holding out a cell phone, also apparently drunk. VINNIE: Say "cheese"! Click! Vinnie laughs. VINNIE: Got it and send. Hey, Keith Mars is gonna love this one, Liam! He laughs again. Liam, not so thrilled, finally lets Veronica's feet touch the floor. VINNIE: Think of his face when he opens up this e-mail. Vinnie holds up his hand for a high-five. VINNIE: Up high! Liam doesn't respond, staring at Vinnie as if he were a lunatic. VINNIE: All right. Ooh, better yet, how about one of you licking her face? Vinnie holds out the phone again to take another picture. Liam lets go of Veronica and snatches it angrily out of Vinnie's hand. He throws it across the room, smashing it. Vinnie holds up his hands. VINNIE: Easy, big guy. Liam takes a deep breath and decides to end his sport. LIAM: Okay. He wanders off, singing unintelligibly. Meryl grabs Veronica and they hurry out of the bar. End music: "A Pair of Brown Eyes" by the Pogues. EXT - RIVER STIX - DAY. Veronica and Meryl walk quickly towards the car, Veronica shivering and wiping her arm. Vinnie runs after them, catching up with them on the other side of the road. VINNIE: Hey! Veronica turns to face him. VINNIE: What, are you just gonna cut out of there without so much as a "gracias, señor"? Vinnie puts his finger to his lips, glances back at the bar and then jerks his head to indicate that they should move further away. They pass the side of the Saturn. VINNIE: Ooh, sweet new ride. Hybrid, right? I'm waiting for the hybrid Camaro. Veronica smiles as he halts behind the car. VERONICA: You sobered up pretty quick. VINNIE: What the hell are you thinking, Veronica? You got no business being in a place like that. You got me? VERONICA: It was... Veronica glances at Meryl who drops her head in shame. VERONICA: Unintentional. Hey, you didn't really send that picture message to my dad, did you? VINNIE: Well, if I did, it was a miracle. The phone didn't have a camera on it. Hey, that kid you were looking for? I saw him come in last night, like he just came back from the beach, only wasted. Couldn't remember his name. Danny got his wallet, said he'd help him get back home, then took him on some kind of wild shopping spree. After that, the Fitzpatricks got bored and kicked him out. VERONICA: Any idea where he might be now? VINNIE: Best guess. The drunk tank? Vinnie shrugs, then heads back to the bar. Veronica and Meryl make for the car. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Veronica and Meryl stand before the counter. Lamb shoves a file at the deputy standing next to him as he deals with them. LAMB: Yeah, we got him. Lamb walks to the coffee machine. Veronica and Meryl follow him. LAMB: Picked him up last night, staggering around, wearing a wet suit. Looked like just another dumbass on his way back from tearing up Mexico. No ID, too drunk to even give us his name. Then this morning, we find he still can't remember his name. Then we notice a big knot on the back of his head. VERONICA: Oh, God. LAMB: Figured he bumped his head surfing. I'm gonna have Sacks take him to the hospital as soon as he gets back with my bear claw. Lamb glances around then heads to his office. MERYL: Can I see him? Lamb stops and turns back to her, taking a few steps forward. LAMB: You got ten bucks? Confused, Meryl looks back at Veronica. She shakes her head. Meryl turns back to laugh who is doing a silent belly laugh. LAMB: Whew! Kidding. I'll have someone let you back there in a minute. Lamb disappears into his office. VERONICA: Meryl? MERYL: Yeah? VERONICA: I'm so sorry that I, you know... jumped to the wrong conclusions. MERYL: It's okay, Veronica. I never would have found him without you and I know what it looked like. If I hadn't been in love before, I wouldn't have believed it, either. Meryl hurries away, keen to see Sully. Veronica stares after her. Cut to a few moments later. Veronica stays behind as Meryl stands at the bars of the cell. MERYL: Sully? A blond in a wet suit is sleeping on the bottom bunk. MERYL: Sully! He lifts his head and sees her. He gets up from the bunk. SULLY: Meryl? He staggers to the bars. SULLY: I was looking for you. He reaches out for her, putting his hand on the back of her head. He draws her forward and kisses her forehead. Veronica is watching and quite effected by this tender moment. She jumps when Lamb interrupts. LAMB: Hey! Lamb marches up to the cell. LAMB: No touching! He gives out a loud sigh. LAMB: We're gonna take your boyfriend to the hospital now, so, you want to tag along. A deputy opens the cell and Lamb exits after glancing at Veronica. Meryl turns to Veronica. MERYL: Bye, Veronica. I'll see you next time I'm in town, okay? Meryl grins and Veronica nods. Cut to a little later. Veronica walks down the outside hallway, heading for the main door. As she passes the opening into the Sheriff's department, she sees Mercer being led to the cells by a deputy. VERONICA: Hey, what are you still doing here? Didn't Logan- MERCER: Yeah. He came by and talked to the sheriff last night. Thanks, by the way. VERONICA: Why are you still here? MERCER: Oh, there's something about my attitude the sheriff has found lacking. He's decided to keep me here as long as he's allowed under law. The deputy pulls Mercer along. Mercer calls out to her over his shoulder. MERCER: Uh, Logan's picking me up for breakfast tomorrow, if you want to come with. VERONICA: Doubtful. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith is sitting in his office playing with his pen and thoughtful. There's a clatter from the outside office. Harmony, excited, appears at the door. HARMONY: All gassed up and ready to go! She rattles her keys. Keith smiles. She steps into the office, searching the floor. HARMONY: Where's your bag? KEITH: Harmony. Harmony sags and sighs. HARMONY: We're not going, are we? Keith shakes his head. KEITH: No. Harmony rushes to the desk and leans towards him on the other side. HARMONY: I'm sorry, Keith. I've fallen for you. And I'm packed. And I'm standing here. And I'm asking you to come away with me. Harmony gives him a desperate smile. Keith is nearly in tears. KEITH: [whispering] Harmony...I can't. Keith slowly shakes his head and swallows hard. Cut to later. Harmony is gone and Keith is pining, looking out of the window. His phone rings. KEITH: Hello. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY. Logan is pacing at the suite. LOGAN: Hey, Mr. Mars. The camera continues to cut between the two of them. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS/NEPTUNE GRAND, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY. KEITH: [worried] Logan, everything okay? LOGAN: Yeah. Uh, I'm looking for Veronica. I think she's trying to hide from me, actually. KEITH: Yeah, she's been keeping me out of the loop, too. You might try Wallace's. She said she was staying with him. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY. LOGAN: Okay. Thanks. Bye. Logan ends the call and sighs. D.J. HELLFISH: [offscreen] This is KRFF... INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - NIGHT. Veronica carries her tray to one of the tables. D.J. HELLFISH: Hearst college radio. And I'm your host, D.J. Hellfish. Please don't touch that dial. As she puts her tray down, she frowns. D.J. HELLFISH: And for those of you in the food court, you're listening to me whether you like it or not. You might as well enjoy it. Music: "Captain" by Shapes of Race Cars. LYRICS: There's a face with a ballroom feel That's all about you That's all about Lucky race car I'm driving through Never without you Never with you Captain, take me to the real Electric blondes in summer feel Pretty hearts that never die Captain, take me to the... We built a screen out of watching you Just to see true, just to see Eat I scream, and we'll shoot the moon To be about you, just to be you Captain, take me to the real Electric blondes in summer feel Pretty heart that never die Captain, take me to the sky Captain win and you and I On her tray are a drink and a plate of pasta. She looks critically at the paste, grabs the plate and takes it back up to the counter. VERONICA: Excuse me. Veronica pushes past a couple of people waiting for food to address the person behind the counter. VERONICA: Yeah, I ordered the capellini, and I'm pretty sure that hair doesn't belong to an angel. The girl gives an apologetic look and takes the plate away. A few moments later, Veronica heads back to her table with a fresh serving. She sits down and takes a large swig of her drink. She pulls her cell phone out of her bag. According to the phone, it is 7:52 pm on October 4th. She has three voice mails from Logan, one from Keith and three more from Logan. She sets the phone to play her voice mails, taking another swig from her drink. LOGAN: [on phone] Hey, Veronica. It's me. Give me a buzz. Veronica frowns and punches the button for the next message. LOGAN: [on phone] Veronica, is everything all right? Call me. Her brow furrows a little and she goes to the next one, where Logan is clearly frustrated. LOGAN: [on phone] Hey, Veronica, where are you? Give me a call. Veronica stares at the phone, her brow furrow...ier and punches for the next message. KEITH: [on phone] Veronica, it's me. I want you to come home. Veronica takes a bite of her pasta. KEITH: I ended things with Harmony, and...I'd-I'd just like to see you, okay? Veronica smiles softly. She punches a button on her phone and reaches for her drink but pauses, not feeling right. She looks up and the rest of the Food Court is a psychedelic blur. Veronica rubs her eye. She looks up again and takes a deep breath. She shakes her head, passing it off as a momentary thing and returns to eating her meal. End music: "Captain" by Shapes of Race Cars. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT. Piz is sitting on his bed, about to strum an acoustic guitar. There's a knock on the door. He puts down the guitar and walks to the door. It's Logan. They stare at each other for a minute. PIZ: Logan. Logan looks past him, into the room, confused. LOGAN: Hey, I'm looking for Veronica. PIZ: She was around earlier, but I haven't- LOGAN: Is she with Wallace? PIZ: He's out of town a-at a motel...studying. Piz smiles slightly in memory of crazy Wallace/in triumph at Logan knowing he's had Veronica to himself (mileages vary but this writer goes for the former). LOGAN: Hey, 'cause Veronica's dad thought that, uh... Logan looks into the room again as his words trail off. He looks back at Piz who just looks at him steadily. LOGAN: Hmm. Logan looks down at the floor for a moment. LOGAN: Well, if you see her, a-ask her to call me? . Piz nods. Logan backs away, taking a last look into the room. LOGAN: Thanks. Piz watches him go. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - NIGHT. Veronica staggers a little as she walks across the campus. She reaches some stairs leading down to the parking garage. She's increasingly disorientated and about halfway down, clutches at the rail. VERONICA: I know this feeling. She staggers on, turning into the garage. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PARKING GARAGE - CONTINUING. Inside the garage, she is now having real difficulty, staggering badly. She pulls the keys to the Saturn out of her bag, trying to focus on the line of cars as she makes her way past them. VERONICA: I can't believe this is happening to me...again. She sees the Saturn and stumbles towards it. A dark shape on the other side of the garage is watching her. Veronica senses it and slowly turns her head. She can't make the figure out clearly but knows someone is there. VERONICA: It's him. She tries to run to the car door, nearly falling before she gets there. She manages to get the door open, but collapses to the floor of the garage before opening far enough to crawl in. As she falls, she twists, landing stomach side down. The car keys fall a little way from her hand. The figure starts walking towards her. Veronica stretches out for the keys and just manages to set the car alarm off before losing consciousness. The horn and the lights of the Saturn start to sound and flash intermittently. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING. Logan, walking back from the dorm, hears the alarm. He looks over into the garage and can see the Saturn with its lights flashing, although he can't see Veronica, who is on the other side of it. He starts to run. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PARKING GARAGE - CONTINUING. The figure looms over Veronica. A hand, sheathed in a thin surgical-like glove, reaches for the keys. All that can be seen is a white wrist. The alarm is turned off. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING. Logan's reached the stairs where Veronica realised that she had been given GHB. He notes the alarm has been silenced. He slows a little, but carries on into the garage. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PARKING GARAGE - CONTINUING. Logan enters the garage and starts trotting along the line of cars. LOGAN: Veronica! He reaches the Saturn and finds her on the floor. He bends down over her. He gently picks her up, turning her over. LOGAN: Hey, come here. Hey. He cradles her against his body, one hand on her face, the other holding up her head. Veronica doesn't open her eyes but speaks in a distressed voice. VERONICA: Take me home. Logan pulls her to him. As he does, he sees some of Veronica's hair on the floor of the garage and gasps. He leans over, gently parting her hair at the back of her head. She has a bald patch streaked with blood. LOGAN: Oh, my God. He holds her closer to him, rocking her for a moment. His eyes dart around the garage. He eases her away to look at her face, still supporting her head. He strokes her face, shaken to the core. LOGAN: Hey. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica is lying on the couch, covered in a blanket. Keith is balanced on the edge of the couch, pouring medicine into a spoon. KEITH: [softly] Honey? Honey? Keith brings the spoon to her mouth. Logan is standing behind Keith, watching with concern. KEITH: Open up, honey. Doctor said we should get more of this in you. Keith lifts Veronica's head so she can take the medicine. She does but groans and makes a face. VERONICA: Oh, that's nasty. She laughs weakly. LOGAN: [voice breaking] Cowboy up, Mars. Veronica goes to sleep. Cut to later. It's early in the morning as some light is streaming into the room. Keith is asleep in the armchair. Logan is on the end of the couch, his arms around her feet which are resting on his lap. He's also asleep. Only Veronica is awake, gazing at Logan. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, what would Stan Marsh say in a situation like this? I think we all learned a valuable lesson about faith. You give it to the people you love. She shifts her stare to her father. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But the people who really deserve it are the ones who come through even when you don't love them enough. Veronica gives a pained smile and swallows hard. End.	Plan: A: dishonesty; Q: What does Veronica see in Keith, Logan, and Professor Landry? A: Keith; Q: Who breaks up with Harmony after being blackmailed by Vinnie Van Lowe? A: Professor Landry; Q: Who offers Veronica an internship with the FBI? A: Wallace and Piz's dorm room; Q: Where does Veronica stay when she meets a girl trying to locate her missing boyfriend? A: Mercer; Q: Who is cleared of being the rapist by providing an alibi? A: the food court; Q: Where was Veronica drugged? A: the last minute; Q: When did Logan arrive at the scene of the rapist's latest victim? Summary: Increasingly frustrated by what she sees as dishonesty by Keith, Logan, and Professor Landry, Veronica withdraws from all of them. While staying at Wallace and Piz's dorm room, she meets a girl trying to locate her missing boyfriend. Professor Landry offers Veronica an internship with the FBI, Keith breaks up with Harmony after being blackmailed by Vinnie Van Lowe, and Mercer is cleared of being the rapist by providing an alibi. After being drugged at the food court, Veronica almost becomes the rapist's latest victim, but he is frightened off by Logan arriving at the scene at the last minute.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are entering carrying groceries and find Phoebe already there standing in front of a huge object that has been gift wrapped.] Phoebe: Hey! I got you a present!! Chandler: Oh my goodness! Where did you hide it? Phoebe: I got it for your wedding and I ordered it weeks ago, and it finally got here! Chandler: Pheebs you didn't have to get us anything for our wedding you already sang... Monica: (interrupting) I love it! It's huge!! Let's open it! Open it!! (Monica rips open the paper.) Phoebe: It's a Ms. Pac-Man machine!! Monica: Oh my God! Phoebe: I didn't know where to put it so I just left it here for now. Monica: Oh well, maybe we can put it in the guest bedroom. Chandler: Oh, okay. Monica: All right. (He goes to push it and it doesn't move.) Chandler: I kinda like it here. Phoebe: Do you really like it? Monica: Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is like-Oh my, this is like my second favorite game! Phoebe: Oh really? What was your first? Monica: Well I-I really don't remember the name of it. Chandler: Well what did it do? Monica: Well, you just-you put a quarter in and y'know pull-pull some handles and win like a candy bar or something. Chandler: A vending machine? Monica: Don't feel bad for me! I won like every time! Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you guys are here. I've been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology department today. Joey: (To Rachel) Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out? Ross: Professor Neuman, the head of the department, so.... Rachel: They made you head of the department! Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didn't I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.) Joey: Oh! Hey Rach, listen umm... Rachel: Yeah. Joey: I got a big date coming up, do you know a good restaurant? Rachel: Uh, Paul's Café. They got great food and it's really romantic. Joey: Ooh, great! Thanks! Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancing-Oh! Take her dancing! Joey: You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone s*x, I'll tell ya... Rachel: Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin' all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. I'm not gonna be able to do that for so long, and it's so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun. Joey: Hey, y'know what? Rachel: Huh? Joey: Why don't I take you out? Rachel: What?! Joey, you don't want to go on a date with a pregnant lady. Joey: Yes I do! And we're gonna go out, we're gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out... Rachel: (interrupting) Okay! I'll go with ya! I'll go! I'll go with ya. Joey: I'll be fun. Rachel: All right? [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is watching Phoebe play Ms. Pac-Man.] Phoebe: No. No! Yes! Ahh. Oh, would you look at that Monica? I just knocked off all of your top scores, how sad. Monica: Okay, I'm next. (Phoebe starts another game.) Don't! Don't start another game! I said I'm next! Phoebe! Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you over all the winning. Monica: Chandler! Phoebe's hogging the game! Chandler: Who cares? It's a stupid game. Monica: You only think it's stupid because you suck at it. Chandler: I don't suck. It's sucks. You suck. Phoebe: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it. Monica: No! No-no! I love it! It is a great present! In fact, why don't you go home and wait for the thank you card? Chandler: Why do you want to play this game so bad? Phoebe: Yeah! It's not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game. Monica: Okay. Phoebe that's it. Come on, get out-out of the chair. Get out! (She goes to move Phoebe, but Phoebe goes limp and Monica can't move her.) Oh come...Phoebe! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date with Joey as there is a knock on the door.] Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room? Joey: No, I'm picking you up for our date. These are for you. (Hands her some flowers.) Rachel: Ohh, Lilies. Joey, they're my favorite. Thank you. Joey: And, a brownie! (Hands her a bag with the brownie in it.) Well, half a brownie. Actually, it's just bag. It's been a long walk from the flower shop and I was startin' to feel faint so... Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like I'm going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and I'm wearing underwear that goes up to about...(She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts)...there. Joey: Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so...nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman. Rachel: Yeah, actually that's my roommate's. Joey: I would like to meet him. He sounds like a stand up guy. Rachel: Ah yes, but he's very protective of me so you'd better watch yourself. Joey: Ah... Hey, so this roommate of yours...is he good looking? Rachel: Hm-mmm. Joey: Oh yeah, it must be tough to keep your hands of him, huh? Rachel: (laughs) Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's gay. Joey: No-no-no-no, he's not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on! [Scene: N.Y.U, Ross is teaching a class.] Ross: ...which brings us back, of course, to Greely's theory of dominance. (The bell rings.) Okay, that-that's all for today. Oh, uh does anyone know where the Freeman building is? Student: Yeah, it's the new building on Avenue A. Ross: What?! That-that's all the way cross town, I'm supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes. Student: Ooh, dude. That's not gonna happen. (Ross grabs his things and runs to the door only to be blocked by his exiting students.) Ross: Move it! Move it! Move it!! Hey!!! I'm the teacher!! [Scene: The Freeman Building, Ross is entering his new class completely out of breath.] Ross: Hello. (He throws his jacket towards the coat rack and misses.) I'm sorry I'm a little late. Ah-(Checks his watch)-Whoa! A lot late. Let me start by uh, by introducing myself, I am Professor Geller. (The bell rings.) So to sum up, I'm Professor Geller. Good job today. [Scene: A Restaurant, a waitress is taking Joey and Rachel's dinner order.] Rachel: Now the filet mignon, what comes with that? Waitress: There's a side of steamed vegetables. Rachel: Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster? Joey: Y'know what? Bring her both, and I'll have the same. (The waitress leaves.) Rachel: Wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good date-Oh, I almost forgot. I didn't pay you the rent check. Joey: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa, no roommate stuff. Okay? We're on a date. Rachel: Okay. Wow! So I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves? Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they don't like me for-(Laughs.) I'm sorry I couldn't even get through that. Rachel: I knew it! I knew it. Come on tell me your moves. Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan. Rachel: Oh my God. And that works?! Joey: Well it does when you combine it with, "This is so embarrassing, I just want to have a normal life!" Rachel: Oh, you poor little famous man. Joey: Oh okay, how about this one. I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you, but you're so beautiful...I don't think I can. Rachel: (looks interested) Oh my God! Wow! That was fantastic, I almost leaned in. I really almost did! Joey: Alright, so...so tell me one of your moves. Rachel: Alright. So where'd you grow up? Joey: That's your move? Boy Rach, you're lucky you're hot. Rachel: Come on, just answer the question! Joey: (exasperated) Queens. Rachel: And so were-were you close to your parents? Joey: Yeah, with my mom. Yeah, not so much with my dad. Rachel: Why not? Joey: I don't know. I guess there's just always been this distance y'know-I mean we both try to pretend it's not there, but it is. Rachel: (sympathetic) Oh. (Starts rubbing his wrist with her fingers.) It's gotta be rough. Joey: Yeah, it is. It's really tough. Y'know sometimes I think-Wow!! Nice move! Rachel: Huh? Joey: "Where'd you grow up," it's so simple! Rachel: Thank you! And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the rest room. Joey: Yeah. (Rachel gets up and heads for the rest room.) Rachel: And now you're watching me walk away. Joey: Yes I am! Again so simple! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is entering to find Chandler playing Ms. Pac-Man.] Monica: Hey. Chandler: You are not going to believe what I did today! Monica: Well it clearly wasn't showering or shaving. Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. (Pause) Although I-I hope they don't. Monica: Wait a minute, you stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man while I went off to work like some kind of chump?! Chandler: Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five! (Holds up his hand to give Monica a high five, only he can't straighten his fingers.) Monica: What is the matter with your hand? Chandler: Well I've been playing it for like eight hours, it'll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, they're dirty words. Monica: Chandler, why would you do that? Chandler: Because it's awesome. Monica: You think this is clever? Chandler: Well y'know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S it is a bit of a challenge. Monica: Hey wait a minute, this one isn't dirty. Chandler: It is when you put it together with that one. Monica: Ah, well if you don't clear this off, you won't be getting one of those from me. But Ben's coming over here tomorrow to play this game, this can't be there. Chandler: Come on, he won't even know what they mean. Monica: Chandler! He's seven; he's not stupid. Chandler: Have you talked to him lately? Monica: All right, look I'm just gonna unplug it. Chandler: No-no-no, if you unplug it, I'll have nothing to show for my day! It would be like I was at work. (She unplugs it.) No! (And plugs it back in.) Hey look at that! Look at that, it's still there! This thing must have some kind of primitive ROM (Read Only Memory, it's a memory chip.) Chip in it or something! Monica: Honey you-you got to beat your scores! Chandler: With the claw?! Monica: All right fine. Fine, I'll do it. I've just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger. Chandler: (smiles) Pull my finger-(Looks at his hand)-My hand is messed up. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are returning from their date.] Rachel: I am not gonna answer that! Joey: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch? Rachel: No one! They are my friends, I wouldn't punch any of them. Joey: Chandler? Rachel: Yeah, but I don't know why. Look at me, I'm having such a wonderful time! Joey: Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had! Rachel: I know! Joey: I never laughed so hard-Did you see the wine come out of my nose? Rachel: Joey, I think everyone saw the wine come out of your nose. Joey: I gotta say, I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of the date so much. Rachel: Well that is because you have never been on a date with me before. Joey: Huh. Huh. Rachel: All right, now don't judge me. I normally wait until my date leaves, but you live here. I'm ripping into this swan. Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you don't judge me. I'm gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.) Rachel: So tell me, what are Joey Tribbiani's end of the night moves? Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible. Rachel: How do you do that? Joey: Now you can't tell anyone, but uh...I put on shiny lip balm. Rachel: Oh my God! Joey: Yeah, like a moth to a flame, I'm telling ya. Okay all right, so now you go. Rachel: No, I don't want to tell you. Joey: Why not? Rachel: Because it's embarrassing. Joey: More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm?! (Rachel just looks at him.) I didn't say raspberry before did I? All right just-just tell me Rach, just tell me! Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, stand up. (They do so.) Well, when we're at the door, I lightly press my lips against his, and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, "Hmmm." Okay, I know it doesn't sound like anything, but I swear it works. Joey: (stunned and turned on) Yeah. Why-Yeah, that would work for ya... Rachel: All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time. Joey: Oh. (She kisses him.) Yeah. (She goes into her room.) Me to. (He then starts to freak out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Rachel about his class location predicament.] Rachel: ...you were 50 minutes late to the class, what did you crawl there?! Ross: No, I ran. It was really far, and when did people stop understanding the phrase, "Get the hell out of my way!" Rachel: Well, why didn't you just take a cab? Ross: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets it'll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller? Rachel: Well you're not gonna be able to keep doing this. Ross: Well I have to. Okay? If I don't, they'll take the class away from me. And...I already put it in my family newsletter. Rachel: You what? Ross: You've seen it, the Geller Yeller. Rachel: Right. Wow! Ross: Besides, I-I think I figured out a much faster route, I'm sure I can make it this time. I just...I just can't be afraid to get a little bit...hit by cars. (He goes to the bathroom as Joey enters.) Joey: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Hey, remember how last night we were talking about that movie Cujo? Joey: Oh yeah, I still can't believe you haven't seen Cujo. What is wrong with you? Rachel: Relax! It's not like it's Citizen Kane! Joey: Have you ever tried to sit through Citizen Kane? Rachel: Yeah I know it's really boring, but it's like a big deal. Anyway, I was thinking about renting Cujo sometime. Joey: Oh yeah? All right, let's do it tonight. Rachel: Well don't you have that big date tonight? Joey: Oh right! Rachel: Hey Joey, can I ask you something? Joey: Yeah. Rachel: After our date last night, did you feel a little weird? Joey: Oh my God! You did too? It totally freaked me out, what was that?! Rachel: I don't know! (Pause) I'm-I'm kinda thinking it-it was the lobster... Joey: Oh yeah-yeah, the lobster. Rachel: Yeah, I mean I was up sick all night. Joey: Yeah me too, all night. Rachel: Really?! How come we didn't cross paths? Joey: Yeah well that's because uh...I stayed in my room. Yeah, you don't want to look in my hamper. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying to erase Chandler's dirty words while he looks on.] Monica: Okay, I got that. I'll escape over there. I'll come back over here. All right, come on Ms. Pac-Man. It's got-Right-(She dies.) Well, you're just a little bitch, aren't you? Phoebe: (entering) Hey, you guys. Listen, I'm sorry that I was hogging the game before-(Sees the top ten list)-Oh my God! Your friends have some unfortunate initials! Monica: They're all Chandler. Phoebe: Chandler sucks! He couldn't have gotten this good! Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price. Monica: But Ben is coming over tonight and he can't see this. Chandler: Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. (They both look at him.) Was it just me?! [Scene: N.Y.U, Ross's new class, he is entering out of breath.] Ross: Yeah!!!! Yes, I made it! I'm on time! (Grabs a bottle of water from a student, takes a drink, and splashes some on his face like the marathon runners do.) Okay, why don't we all uh, (Exhales loudly) open our books to page 23. Where... (Exhales again) Where you will see...a uh...a bunch of uh...red spots. Okay, (Closes his book.) umm, why don't, why don't you all start to read, while I-(Passes out and collapses.) [Scene: A Restaurant, Joey is on his hot date and they're not speaking right now.] Joey's Date: Hey. Are you all right? You seem a little distracted. Joey: No-no! I'm fine. It's just... Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that you've known for a while and then suddenly...suddenly see them a different way? Joey's Date: You mean like from behind? Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that...that's exactly it. You're right. Yeah. Joey's Date: Ew, y'know what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin! Joey: (deadpan) Ooh! Yeah. So yeah, so you know exactly what I'm talking about. Joey's Date: Totally! Wow! (Pause) Would you excuse me for a sec? Joey: Oh yeah, sure. (She gets up, walks towards the bathroom, and Joey watches her go.) Ehhh. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, now it's Phoebe's turn to erase Chandler from the board.] Monica: Oh my God Phoebe, you're on fire! Phoebe: I know! Chandler: One more score to go! You can do it! (Touches her shoulder.) Phoebe: Don't touch me!! Monica: Don't touch her!! Chandler: All right! Go left! Go left! Go right!! Go right!! Phoebe: I can't!! I can't!! (She dies.) Noooooooo!!!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!! (At this point a stream of obscenities burst forth from Phoebe's mouth just in time for Ben and Ross to enter and hear most of it, and in slow motion Ross tries to shield his innocent son from Phoebe's vulgarity.) Ross: Phoebe!! Phoebe: Oh hi Ben-No!! Don't look at the machine! (Covers the screen.) [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is watching Cujo while Joey returns from his date scaring Rachel.] Rachel: Oh God! Thank God you're home! I'm watching Cujo. Joey: (incredulous) Alone?! Rachel: Yes! But what is wrong with this dog?! Joey: Hey, did you get to the part where they're trapped in the car and Cujo's throwin' himself at the windshield? Rachel: No! No! Seriously, what's wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date? Joey: Oh uh, it didn't work out. Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me? Joey: Oh uh, okay. Yeah. Rachel: Y'know, I never thought I'd say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. (Joey brings over a stool at sits on it next to Rachel who's in the big chair.) What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me. Joey: Oh sure, yeah, why not? (Sits on the arm of the chair.) Rachel: Okay. (Pushes play.) Okay, that's him! That's him! That's Cujo! That's Cujo! Joey: All right, I know! I know. Yeah, it'll be okay. Rachel: Oh my God....What's he gonna do now? I can't watch! (Drags Joey closer to her and cowers into his chest.) Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Aren't you scared? Joey: Terrified. (But for a totally different reason.) Closing Credits [Scene: N.Y.U, Ross's new class, this time he's actually about to do a lecture.] Ross: So is everybody here? I got here a little early myself. Let us begin. Now, the hydrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations. (He moves to the map and we see why he made it to class on time, he's wearing in-line skates and hasn't taken them off.) Here. (Points to the map, somewhere in the Middle East, then spins on the skates and points to the map.) Here. (China.) Now as for the hydrosaurs... (He tries to move in front of the class, only goes out of control and rolls into the hall, catching himself on the doorway with his pointer. He then pulls himself back into the room with the pointer, only he jams one end of it between the door frame and the door and breaks the pointer in half.)	Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who is sad she can't date due to her pregnancy? A: Joey; Q: Who takes Rachel out to cheer her up? A: a crush; Q: What does Joey develop on Rachel? A: Monica; Q: Who wants Chandler's initials removed from the Ms. Pac-Man arcade game? A: Chandler; Q: Who becomes a pro at Ms. Pac-Man? A: a Ms. Pac-Man arcade game; Q: What did Monica and Chandler get from Phoebe as a late wedding present? A: swear words; Q: What does Chandler put as his initials on the Pac-Man arcade game? A: Ben; Q: Who does Monica think will be playing the Pac-Man game? A: Ross; Q: Who struggles to get to an advanced class on time? A: an advanced class; Q: What class does Ross have to teach? Summary: Rachel is sad she can no longer date due to her pregnancy. Joey takes her out to cheer her up, but he develops a crush on her, something that scares him. Monica and Chandler get a Ms. Pac-Man arcade game from Phoebe as a late wedding present. After Phoebe hogs the game, Chandler becomes a pro by repeatedly playing and putting swear words as his initials. Monica wants them removed as Ben will be coming over to play on it. After Ross gets to teach an advanced class, he struggles to get to get there on time.
Ted, Marshall and Lily are in McClaren's when Robin joins them. Robin: Hi! Marshall: Hi. Ted: It is freezing outside. Where is your jacket? Robin: I'm Canadian. No need to coat. This kind of weather does not scare me. Marshall: It looks like a spring day in Minnesota, there was no q'il all the taxis, the skyscrapers and the blacks. Ted: There are no black people? Marshall: Not if Prince is on tour. GENERIC Ted: my sister's plane arrived an hour ago, or would like a meteorologist, hurricane between Heather on Lands. Lily: Go. It's not like that. Ted: That's the history of Heather. It has been six years and three high schools for his baccalaureate. She took the opportunity to ruin two cars, being married for five days, and spent nine weeks in a tree only to find that no one intended to kill him. And there, Heather said she moved to New York. Lily: Great news. Ted: It will not come out. Remember when she talked of going to college here? And then the day of admission... Flashback Ted is in the apartment, the phone. Ted: Where are my TV and my couch? Woman: I have sold tickets for the concert of Nine Inch Nails. Ted: Nothing but the TV is 2000 balls. Woman: A last minute flight is expensive. Ted: Wait. Where are you? Woman: Somewhere in Spain. I go there. Quiet song. End flashback Ted: Damn. This is Barney. Robin: And? Lily: Since that time Heather happening in New York, Ted has never left the Barney show. Ted: I never will. Every year, when the greeting card of Mosby happens... Flashback Christmas 2005... Barney (singing): Drop your trousers. Mine hard. Under the bunch of mistletoe, I'll make your sister moan. Oh! Dear Heather, Heather dear, we'll do it in all directions... Christmas 2006... Barney: If I could see her naked. If I could see her naked. If I could see her naked. And fours. Christmas 2007... Barney: Ted has a little sister who is so playful every day. And if I meet with her breasts, I will play! Little sister, Little Sister!What? I can also celebrate Hanukkah. End flashback Ted: It's still him. I should answer. Hello, Barney. Barney: Hi. What are you doing tonight? Ted: We go to Marshall and Lily get a full Kathy Bates, Misery exception. Want to go? He hung up. Ted's sister arrives and takes him in her arms. Heather: It's nice to see you. Ted: Hi kid. It looks to go. How are things at home? Heather: I took your room. Did you know you see the room of Miss Gottwald opposite? Ted: I know. She looks good? Heather: Ted, it was 62 years. Ted: Answer. Heather: Incredibly gay. (They return to the apartment) Dude, quail out there. Barney: Why, hello. I was expecting you. Ted: One second. It is not our chair. You've made yourself? Barney: I needed one that rotates. Barney gets up and makes a hand-kissing Heather. Ted: How did you know that Heather was coming? Lily: Do not tell me anything! You know I can not keep secrets if it's almost Christmas! Robin offers you an iPod! Barney: Can I talk to one second in the kitchen? Not touch the chair. I praise him. I can not believe that thou hast hid thy sister all these years. Ted: Really? You're like "Weird Al" Yankovic to write that song on how to jump my sister. Barney: First, I'm flattered. Then it's just jokes. A friend can joke on a friend's sister. Does not mean I'm going to act. Ted: I love my sister, and as a big brother, it's my job to protect guys like you. Barney: You do not trust me? Ted: No. And it either. Barney: Okay. All right. I'll just... take my chair and leave. Ted: Wait... Rest... Back... Lily and I were dining out with Heather Sunday. Want to go? Barney: I have already called to add a person. Ted: You really can not tell Lily. Barney: No, nothing really... Ted (2030): That year, Canada was really lacking in Aunt Robin, Marshall then brought him to where he was when he was nostalgic Minnesota: The bar of the Perche. Marshall and Robin arrive at the bar... Marshall: Hi everyone. All: Marshall! Marshall: This is Robin. All: Robin! Marshall: Turn drink. All: Drink! Man: How are you, Marshall? Marshall: And you? Hey, man! You got anything in the leg? Man: I played hockey today. I hurt my knee. Robin: You went to the hospital? Man: I poured beer on it. I miss the game of the Vikings.Minnesota! Robin: I love the guys here. This is real guys. Without shampoo or manicure. The guys from New York are 10% chick. Marshall: Go. You're wrong. Lily, Barney and Ted are the sister restaurant. Barney: I'll take the vichyssoise with a hint of cream. Dairy ballonnent me. Heather: So... I found an apartment today. Ted: Really? Heather: Yes. And I hoped you would have drunk a little more wine hand side before you to ask you this, but... I need you to lease the instructions. Ted: Let me think. Barney: It, it means he will not. Heather: I really need your help. Ted: We'll talk later, OK? Barney: You do not have any illusions. Heather: What's the matter? You do not trust me? Ted: You're my sister. Barney: There he just says the obvious. Heather: Listen, Ted, I want to get into finance, but... you see me like I was four and I wanted to become an astronaut. Ted: I just think you have no idea of the difficulty of succeeding in New York. Barney: Exactly. Do you need relationships. If only Ted knew someone who works at, say... Goliath National Bank, then...expect. What? I work for Goliath National Bank. Incredible! Back at the bar of Marshall... Man: Okay. It's been two beers and Bemidji... who ordered the mini burgers? Robin: My God! This is Fisherman's Quest? I played all the time FQ at the time! Marshall: Oh, yeah? I have the best score. Without boasting, I caught... a pike of almost 1 m. The biggest fish virtual nobody has ever taken. Finally... freshwater. Robin: I'll take my hat fisherman. Thank you for bringing me here. This is mine. At the restaurant, Ted is still sitting when Lily puts her coat and Heather Barney helps to do the same. Ted: It's not a good idea. Heather and Barney alone in his office? And I do not want to be guarantor for the lease. Lily: It ripens, just as you see it yet. Ted: It is about a girl who got caught for stealing, eight months ago. Lily: Ted, many women have a period kleptomaniac. And yes, maybe sometimes they happen to mow a small object because it excites them in a strange way they are not explained. But... If it reassures you, I will accompany them to GNB, tomorrow. I will say that I'm going to lunch with Marshall, but in fact I espionnerai. Ted: It suits me. Good luck tomorrow at the GNB. I'm sure you will impress them. Lily: And I espionnerai. And sh1t! Lily and Marshall are still at the bar. Robin: "I drink to forget the 1999 NFC Championship"? Marshall: The match. The Vikings were 2 minutes to go to the Super Bowl, when our striker, who had not missed a year's messed up a penalty and we lost in overtime. Damn! Male: 1999 NFC Championship Game? Marshall: Yes. Man: Damn! Marshall: My father, I had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear. He said... "A small part of me just died, son. " Robin: I love the passion you have for your Vikings. It's like looking for hockey in Canada... What? Marshall: Do not let... anyone here know that you're not from Minnesota. Robin: Why? They will do anything q'ils learn that I am... Man 1: It looks like a bar in Dallas, man? Male 2: It's weird, but is a reassuring side to be worn like that. Man 3: Dude, did you see this guy! So, Robin, are you coming from? Robin: Bemidji. Bemidji, Minnesota. Go Vikes! Ted is in the street with her sister Lily. Ted (2030): Children, for the rest, I'll skip a few days. Heather: Very nice, this briefcase. Ted: Very friendly, the security camera, too. And there is one another. And a security guard. Heather: I intend to pay it, Ted. Ted: Yes. You got the job yet. Must push the door, not pull.And that's it. Thank you for having watched yesterday. Maybe I was wrong. She seems to have been able to manage with Barney. It will perhaps manage New York. Lily: Not enough! Ted: Why? Lily: I have a secret. No! It has not happened. It happened something. Ted: It's been what? Lily: Nothing. After the interview Heather, I went to see Marshall one time, when I came back... Flashback Lily enters the office of Barney when he gets dressed and Heather. Lily: My God! Barney: Before you say or do something, give me a favor. Lily: What? Barney: Move away. It's a Prada. Barney picks up his shirt. End flashback Lily: I'm really sorry. Ted: I knew it. I've always known. It remained the same trail irresponsible. And when I see Barney... Lily: You will say nothing. Ted, Heather begged me not to tell you. She hate me if she knows that I sneaked. Heather: I love this kit, but I can not afford. You were right, Ted. Ted: And how! Lily: You see? She has not bought the briefcase! It is responsible! And no chance that she slept with someone here.She turns the page. Marshall returns to the bar... Marshall: Hi everyone! Robin: So my father and I were in the NFC championship game by 99. Marshall: I said, good evening everyone! Robin: And when we missed the penalty and lost... All: Holy sh1t! Robin: Holy sh1t! f*cking. My father that I had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear and said, "A small part of me just died, son. " Man: "Son"? Robin: That's what I tell my son. If I am fortunate to have a son, I will call Rashad Tarkenton. Man: Nice story. Marshall: Beautiful story! But it seems a bit familiar. Robin: I know! They all bought into. Marshall: I see what you do. Robin: What? Marshall: I've brought here because... I was sorry for you. And there, it looks like you're trying to steal my bar. Robin: You think I'm trying to steal your bar? Host. Man: "Host"? Are you Canadian? Robin: No, I... Man: If you want to imitate a Canadian, just turn off the light and act as if you were afraid! Robin: What was that? Marshall: With the nearby Canada, Minnesota, we like to make jokes on your back and they are often on the same theme. Robin: As fear of the dark? Marshall: Yes. For example, everyone, how many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? "What? No, the bulb is dead? I'm afraid! " Robin: This is stupid. Why do you think Canadians are afraid of the dark? Marshall: Where do prejudices? A stereotype appears, and suddenly, it spreads like fire. Asians misbehave, the Scots are stingy, the Brazilians are too many stamps. I doubt it works.You can not hang out with people who belittle your beloved country. I take you back. Robin: No, wait. I have something to say. Everyone. Let me tell you something about Canadians. Marshall: Please, no scene. Robin: Why Canadians are not of birthday wishes? Because they are too afraid to put out the candles. My God, I love this place! [SCENE_BREAK] Ted and his sister are in McClaren's with Lily and Barney. Barney: I think your prospects are good for GNB. U you have shown me that you can take any position. Lily: This is the new coasters? Barney: I hope you get the job. Nothing makes me happier than to fill an opening. Lily: I swear, these coasters are thicker. Heather: I'm ready to bend over backwards. Ted: OK, enough! I can not believe you hast slept with my sister! Barney: You've sneaked? Lily: You know what? It's a new batch of old coasters. I will confirm with the bartender. Ted (holding Lily): And you, you're mature and responsible?It's responsible adult to go to your first interview in New York and banging a stranger? You've always been immature and irresponsible. You'll always be immature and irresponsible.And I cosignerai not a subscription with you, let alone a lease. Heather: Barney and I, we did nothing. Ted: Come on. Lily saw you. Barney: Oh yeah? Flashback Heather and Barney's Barney's office and get naked. Barney: You see, Ted, you have so little faith in me and Heather... Heather:... That we decided to show you what you expect from us. Barney: And as we can count on Lily to sneak. Lily enters the office. Lily: My God! End flashback Ted: What? Why do this? Heather: Because you deserve it. Barney: Ted, you know, I'm not a saint. And yes, it is true that the times I drove your mother at the airport, say that there has been a... sexually confused and confusing time in the parking lot, but I said I draguerai not your sister, and I thought. You should have me believe. Heather: You're so convinced that I am still a teenager out of control, you forgot that I grew up. I'll find a hotel. I will take my business later. Merry Christmas. Barney: Your mother and I, we kissed. Robin plays at Fisherman's Quest. Man 1: Continuous. You got five seconds to catch sturgeon still 2. Man 2: We will perhaps see the screen of the gills. Marshall: You can catch two fish with a hook. Robin: No, but I can catch a fish and use this one to catch the other. Man 1: High Scores! You got beat Marshall! Marshall: It is Canadian! Robin is Canadian! She is Canadian.It comes not from Bemidji and she knows bugger all about the Vikings. Man 1: You're angry because she beat you. Marshall: During the 1999 NFC Championship, when the Vikings lost... All: Holy sh1t! Marshall:... who was the scorer who missed the penalty? Robin: Rashad Tarkenton. Marshall: Gary Anderson. He is retired. It was a case of fly fishing... in Canada. Man 1: Goodbye. Robin: You know what? I'm glad you know it because I am proud to be Canadian. It was not a good NFL team or Prince, but we invented Trivial Pursuit. Anything, the Earth! In addition, in Canada, you can go to a strip club full of alcohol and order. And yeah. Moosejaw in the Bay of Fundy, you can whistle your pint of Pilsner while watching a minor girl to get naked. Jealous? In Canada, people do not care where you come from, as you are whisked away nice and possibly a cigarette, or when a donut. I am proud to come from the "Great White North"... and I want to be right now. And was not afraid of the dark. Finally, we do not really like, but like everyone else. Robin leaves the bar. At the apartment, Heather opens her bag and pulls out a briefcase. Ted: Merry Christmas. Look into it. If you push around the...Not down the middle. Heather: I do not need you. Ted: Got it. Heather: You've signed the lease. Ted: You know why? Heather: Because you trust me and that's a good idea? Ted: I want to know you. The new you. Heather: Thank you. Ted: By the way, in your new neighborhood, you should put a good lock on your door. If you want... live. Robin is out to eat ice cream. Marshall joins. Marshall: Sorry about what happened inside. I was stupid. I should say anything. Robin: I'm sorry. That was your cue. I should not have my own.But every year during the holidays, I am homesick. And so far, every year, I had a reason to stay: a boyfriend, a job or something. But... This year, for the first time, I have nothing. Marshall: But if. Robin: What? Marshall: We love you all. If you ever leave again in Canada, we jump on a plane, you are pursuing, and after that Barney has dragged some of the club with which you have spoken, we will bring you here where you are supposed to be. This is not New York without Robin Scherbatsky. Robin: Thank you. Marshall: Yeah. Robin: I miss sometimes. I wish I could close my eyes and find myself one hour in Canada. Marshall: I was hoping that you say that. Marshall takes Robin to another bar. Robin: How did you find this place? Marshall: Just like home, eh? Robin: There's only one way to know. Robin shakes a man intentionally. Man: Sorry. I had not seen. Are you okay? Robin: It's OK. Man: OK, I apologize. Take a donut, it's a gift. Robin: thank you. Marshall: OK. You come home in him, he apologized and you file a donut free? Robin: It's like home. The light goes out. Marshall: Sorry! All is well! Sorry. Robin: No one likes the dark. Man (speaking): The following comes from Ontario: Marshall Eriksen. Robin: You were a member? You sing what? Marshall: I think you will recognize. I will throw your body anyway. I will throw your body into Canada Day! Dude, you can split the screen. We know the words. All: Everyone comes to play. Take all your worries. (Robin puts on a mask) Let's go to the mall. Today!	Plan: A: an overprotective, older brother; Q: What does Ted turn into when his sister comes to visit him in New York? A: his way; Q: How does Ted go out of what to keep his sister out of trouble? A: Meanwhile, Marshall and Robin bond; Q: What happens when Marshall introduces Robin to a Minnesota themed bar? Summary: Ted turns into an overprotective, older brother by going out of his way to keep his sister out of trouble when she comes to visit him in New York. Meanwhile, Marshall and Robin bond when he introduces her to a Minnesota themed bar.
[OPENING CREDITS] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Matthew drive towards Downton.] Lady Mary: Who will groan first when they see it, Granny or Papa? Matthew Crawley: (chuckles) I should think they'll howl at the moon in unison. [Mary laughs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew drives the car up to the front door. Robert, Cora, Edith, and Alfred come out to greet them.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: (chuckles) What in god's name is this? Well, I never. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Where did this come from? Matthew: I ordered it on the way through in London, picked it up on the way back. It's an AC. Robert: Well, at least it's English. [Cora greets Mary.] Cora: Welcome (kiss) back, my darling. [Robert shakes hands with Matthew.] Robert: How was the honeymoon? Matthew: My eyes have been opened. Robert: Don't I know it. Now come on in. Mary: Did Anna get back all right? Cora: She did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas enters.] Thomas Barrow: Who's that for? And why're you doing it down here? [Alfred has a shirt spread out on the dining table.] Alfred Nugent: It's for Mr Matthew. It was creased and I brought it down to iron. Thomas: You're never looking after him. What about Mr Molesley? Anna Bates: He's staying on at Crawley House. Thomas: Then why wasn't I asked? Sarah O'Brien: Mr Carson thought it best. Thomas: Did he, indeed? I wonder how that came about. And if you are learning how to do your job, you should never open a shirt in a room like this where it might be marked, let alone put studs in it. Do that in a dressing room and nowhere else. Alfred: Thank you. O'Brien: Yes, thank you, Thomas. For always trying to be so very helpful. [Dinner gong rings.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Martha Levinson: So, how did you enjoy the south of France? Mary: It was lovely. But almost too hot even now. Martha Levinson: I think it's such a shame they close things up during the summer. I love the sun. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: So we can see. Mary: Though you couldn't be in Cannes for the summer. No one could bear it. Martha Levinson: I could. [Mary raises her eyebrows.] Violet (aside to Robert): Just how long is she here for? Robert (aside to Violet): Who knows. Violet (aside to Robert): No guest should be admitted without the date of their departure settled. Robert (aside to Violet): You won't get any argument from me. Violet: Humph. Isobel Crawley: There's a hideous pile of post, I'm afraid. I put it on the hall table. Don't look at it tonight. [Matthew smiles.] Mary: What have you been up to? Isobel: As a matter of fact, I've found myself a new occupation. But I'm afraid Cousin Violet doesn't think it's quite appropriate. Violet: Can we talk about it afterwards? Martha Levinson: Are there still forbidden subjects in 1920? (chuckles) I can't believe this. [Mary has a frozen smile on her face.] Violet: I speak of taste rather than law. Martha Levinson: Well, it's not my taste. What about you, Cora? Cora: I agree with Mama. Some subjects are not suitable for every ear. Martha Levinson: Oh. Pas devant les domestiques? Ha. Come on, my dear. Carson and Alfred know more about life than we ever will. [Carson's mouth opens.] Robert (aside to Violet): Can't we stop this? Violet (aside to Robert): How? It's like a runaway train. [Mrs Levinson is the last to put down her silverware.] Cora: Shall we go through? [Everyone rises from the table.] Mary: What about poor old Strallan? Have you seen anything of him? Lady Edith: I don't know why you call him poor or old when he's neither. [Mary looks away with raised eyebrows. The ladies leave. Violet lingers to have a word with Robert.] Violet: Isn't it dangerous to let this Strallan nonsense simmer on? Robert: Well, to be fair, I don't think it's coming from him. Violet: Then ask him to end it. It'll be more effective than if we try. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred returns to the kitchens.] Mrs Patmore: Oh, she ate it, then? I'm never sure about Americans and offal. Alfred: I think she'd eat whatever you put in front of her, that one. What a gob. I thought Mr Carson was gonna put a bag over her head. [Alfred turns around and Martha Levinson's maid is standing there.] Alfred: Oops. Reed: Mrs Levinson knows you make fun of her. But she makes fun of you. [Reed smiles.] Mrs Patmore: Then we're all square, aren't we? [Daisy crouches at the oven.] Daisy Mason: The chimney isn't drawing properly. This oven's not hot enough. Mrs Patmore: Oh, a bad workman always blames his tools. Mrs Hughes: Oh, you're busy. Mrs Patmore: No, I'm not. Well, we're eating in half an hour, but it's all done. Mrs Hughes: Well, if you could spare a minute. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew and Robert smoke and drink together.] Matthew: This is very good. I hope you didn't open it for me. Robert: Certainly I did. To welcome you into this house as my son. I can't tell you how glad it makes me. Matthew: Robert, I want us always to feel we can be honest with each other. Robert: Of course. Matthew: Because Mary's told me about your present difficulties. [Robert sighs for a moment.] Robert: She was right. Losing Downton will affect you both more than anyone. Matthew: I wonder if she's told you about the will of Lavinia's father. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Violet speak together in one part of the room.] Violet: Well, yes. Your father told me all about it. But I cannot understand why so much money was put into one company. Mary: I couldn't agree more. Violet: Now we're to be turned out of Downton. Even Lloyd George can't want that. Mary: I'm not sure he's a good example. Violet: The point is, have we overlooked something? You know, some source of revenue previously untapped? If only we had some coal, or gravel, or tin. Mary: Well, I can think of someone who's got plenty of tin. [Mrs Levinson speaks with Cora, Isobel, and Edith in another part of the room.] Martha Levinson: So, you help women who have...fallen over. Isobel: Not quite. Cora: Cousin Isobel helps women who've had to degrade themselves to survive. There's a centre in York. Martha Levinson: Oh, no addresses, please, or Alfred will be making notes. [Martha winks at Alfred as he serves them tea. Alfred smiles in amusement, but Carson gives him a sharp look.] Martha Levinson: So what do you do for these women? Isobel: Well, first we like to send them away...to rest. Martha Levinson: I should think they'd need it. [Edith bats her eyelashes, trying to maintain her composure.] Isobel: And then we try to find them alternative employment. Cora: The war destroyed many households. In thousands of families, the bread winners are dead. Martha Levinson: So, you want me to contribute? Cora: You don't have to give money after every conversation, Mother. Martha Levinson: No? Isn't that what they English expect of rich Americans? [Mary and Violet exchange a look.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Robert: But why can't you benefit from the will? You've done nothing wrong. Matthew: When Swire made it, he didn't know I'd broken his daughter's heart. It was to reward my fidelity when, in fact, I'd betrayed her. If I kept that money, I would be no better than a common criminal. Robert: I see. Well, if that's how you feel, then there's no more to be said. [Anna enters, then freezes.] Anna: I'm ever so sorry, milord. I thought you were out of here. Robert: Yes, we should be. Please, we're going now. [Matthew and Robert down their drinks and leave the room.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes refastens her blouse.] Mrs Patmore: It's a lump, alright. There's no point in dithering about that. What are you going to do about it? Mrs Hughes: Don't know. [Mrs Patmore puffs out her breath.] Mrs Patmore: Well, I do know. Tomorrow you'll make an appointment with the doctor and we'll see what he's got to say. Mrs Hughes: But what if it's- Mrs Patmore: Ahp! [Mrs Patmore puts up a hand.] Mrs Patmore: If it is, and I'm not saying it is, it's best to know now. [Mrs Hughes nods.] Mrs Hughes: I suppose so. [Mrs Hughes starts to cry and Mrs Patmore pats her arm.] Mrs Patmore: Now, look. You'll not be alone for a minute if you don't want to be. But we have to get it seen to. Mrs Hughes: And then there's expense. Mrs Patmore: Well, if you must pay money, better to a doctor than to an undertaker. Mrs Hughes: (chuckle) If that's an example of your bedside manner, Mrs Patmore, I think I'd sooner face it alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MARY AND MATTHEW'S BEDROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna brings in a breakfast tray while Mary and Matthew are still cuddling in the dark.] Matthew: It seems rather shocking for Anna to have to find me en déshabille. [Mary chuckles. Anna opens the curtains.] Anna: I'm made of stout stuff, sir. Don't worry about that. Mary: Are you seeing Bates today? Anna: I am. And I can't wait. Mary: Well, give him our best wishes. [Anna leaves.] Matthew: I'm sorry, it still seems odd to be found in your bed. [Mary turns to Matthew.] Mary: But very nice. Matthew: Oh, as nice as nice can be. [They kiss and go back to cuddling.] Matthew: I'm going to see Jarvis today and find out what houses are available. Mary: Do you have to when these are our last days here? I thought something might have turned up when we were away, but it seems it hasn't. Matthew: Would you rather wait until we have to go and found a new house then? [Mary sits up on her elbow and looks at him.] Mary: After all, darling, you're the one who's pushing us out. [They kiss.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LONDON, ALLEY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Prostitutes solicit men in the alley. Isobel enters the alley. One of the women is Ethel. Ethel recognizes Isobel as she walks past her spot, and Ethel shrinks behind a column. Isobel passes, then slows to a stop. She turns sharply, having remembered Ethel, but Ethel is gone.] Prostitute: Good evening, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SIR ANTHONY STRALLAN'S HOUSE - DAY] Sir Anthony Strallan: But Mary's only just got back from honeymoon. It's a family time. Edith: But you are- Strallan: Please, stop saying I'm family when I'm not. I'll be there for the big dinner next week. [Edith stands there with a wounded look on her face.] Strallan: What is it? Edith: I know you don't mean to hurt me, but- Strallan: Of course I don't. It's the last thing I'd ever wish to do. Edith: Then why do you shove me away? Strallan: I don't want to. Not at all. But- Edith: If you're going to talk about your wretched arm again, I won't listen. Strallan: It's not just my arm. I'm too old for you. You need a young chap with his life ahead of him. Edith: But your life's ahead of you. Strallan: Oh, my dear, if only you knew how much I'd like to believe that. Edith: Then it's settled. You're not going to push me away anymore. Are you are coming for dinner tonight. [Strallan's mouth twitches into a smile.] Edith: That's all there is to it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna enters the prison. She sits across from Bates.] John Bates: How did you get on with Vera's book? Anna: I had a few answers waiting for me when I got back and two returned address unknown. Bates: Who from? Anna: Let me see. One was...a Mr Harlip, I think, and the other was... Mrs Bartlett, I think. Bates: Well, Harlip doesn't matter. He was a cousin in the north, she never saw him. But Mrs Bartlett's a shame. She lived around the corner, she was very friendly with Vera. Anna: I'll find her. Don't worry. Bates: Tell me about France. Did you eat frog's legs and dance the cancan? Anna: No. But I bought a garter. [Bates and Anna grin at each other.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, DR CLARKSON'S OFFICE - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Dr Clarkson finishes washing his hands.] Dr Clarkson: You have no other symptoms? Mrs Hughes: Not that I'm aware of. Dr Clarkson: You're not feeling ill or tired? Mrs Hughes: I can't swear to not feeling tired, but nothing out of the ordinary. Dr Clarkson: Very well. I'm just going to conduct a preliminary examination. Mrs Patmore: Do you mind if I stay? Dr Clarkson: I should prefer it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas sees Alfred walking down the corridor with something.] Thomas: What've you got there? Alfred: Mr Matthew's tailcoat. What do you think that is? [Alfred points out something on the coat.] Thomas: Mm. Hard to say. Alfred: I've tried it with all the usual things, but I can't shift it. Thomas: I'll give you a tip if you like. Alfred: Would you? Really? Thomas: (nods) But keep it to yourself. Don't want to give away all my secrets. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Violet enters to find Mary sitting alone reading a fashion magazine.] Violet: Oh, there you are, my dear. Mary: Good morning, Granny. Violet: I've been looking for you. Now, I want to know if we're serious... [Violet sits down and Mary tilts her head in curiosity.] Violet: ...about getting that woman, about asking your other grandmother to come to our aid. Mary: Well, she's made of money, and there's only Mama and Uncle Harold to share it when she's gone. Violet: We can't wait that long. She looks as if she'll bury us all. No, we must act now. We must make her feel it is her duty to save Downton. Mary: But how? What can we do? Violet: Well, get her to sense its value. Of its vital role in the area. You're her granddaughter. This will be your house if it survives. Surely you can make something of that if she has a heart at all. Mary: Well, come for tea this afternoon. Violet: Then we can begin. [Mary nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes buttons up her coat.] Dr Clarkson: Believe me, there are several stages to go through before there's any cause for despair. Mrs Hughes: Well, what stages? [Mrs Hughes sits down.] Dr Clarkson: When you come back in a day or two, I'll remove some fluid from the cist. With any luck, it'll be clear and that will be that. Mrs Patmore: How will you do it? Dr Clarkson: With a syringe. Mrs Patmore: Will it hurt? Mrs Hughes: Since he has to do it whether it hurts or not, I don't see the point of that question. What I want to know is, what happens if the fluid is not clear? Dr Clarkson: It'll be sent away for analysis. Mrs Hughes: Because it may be...cancer? Dr Clarkson: It may be cancer, but...I am fairly certain it is not. Mrs Patmore: There you are. It's very, very unlikely, isn't it, Doctor? Mrs Hughes: If the doctor treats me like an adult, Mrs Patmore, why do you insist on treating me like a child? [Mrs Patmore shifts uncomfortably.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred enters as the kitchen maids go about their duties. Daisy pokes at the stove.] Daisy: Does this seem slow to you? Alfred: Not really. [Reed enters.] Reed: Mrs Levinson is going to the Dower House with the others for tea. [Reed stops when she sees Alfred walking out with a smile as he looks at the floor. Reed: I think he likes me. Daisy: He's being friendly, that's all. [Reed rolls her eyes and exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary enters as Matthew sits at the desk.] Mary: Are you all right? You seem to have been slaving away for hours. Matthew: (sigh) I want to up to date with it all before I go back into the office. Mary: Anything from Mr Swire's lawyer? [Matthew pulls out a letter from the stack of post.] Matthew: You can read it if you like. [Mary reads it and Matthew sighs again.] Mary: So you are definitely Reggie's heir. Matthew: Looks like it. But if they have to get a death certificate out of the Indian authorities, it won't all be settled by Tuesday. Mary: Good. Matthew: Why is it good? Mary: The delay may give you time to change your mind. [Matthew makes a worn down expression.] Matthew: Stop punishing me, Mary, please. If I accepted the legacy, I would be...taking money under false pretences. I'd be stealing. Your father understands, now why can't you? Mary: I don't think he understands at all. He just doesn't want to beg. Anyway, I'm off to Granny's for tea. I'll see you later. [Matthew stands up and takes Mary's hand, trying to heal the breach.] Matthew: I do love you so terribly much. Mary: Yes. I know you do. [Mary leaves and Matthew is pensive.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWER HOUSE - DAY] Cora: So what's Harold doing now? Martha Levinson: His idée fixe is yachts. Bigger yachts, faster yacht... [Martha waves her hand.] Martha Levinson: ...something with yachts. Cora: Is he happy? Martha Levinson: He's much too busy to find out. Violet: It always seems so strange to me that Cora has a brother. Martha Levinson: Why? Cora: You know how things work here, Mother. If there's a boy, the daughters don't get anything. Violet: There's no such thing as an English heiress with a brother. Why do we never see him? Martha Levinson: Oh, Harold hates to leave America. Violet: (chuckles) Curious. He hates to leave America. I should hate to go there. Mary: You don't mean that, Granny, when we're both so drawn to America. [Violet's expression becomes slightly awkward as she takes Mary's hint.] Violet: Indeed, indeed we are. Never more than now, when the bond between the Crawleys and the Levinsons is so strong. Cora: That's nice...if you mean it, Mama. [Cora tilts her head dubiously, regarding Violet.] Violet: I do. It is marvellous the way our families support each other. Martha Levinson: You mean, you needed the Levinson cash to keep the Crawleys on top. Mary: I'm not sure we'd put it that way. Violet: I'm quite sure we would not. [Cora looks between Mary and Violet, trying to read their intentions.] Mary: But I hope you do feel that Mama's fortune has been well spent in shoring up an ancient family. Martha Levinson: (chuckles) Nah, you got to spend it on something. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MATTHEW CRAWLEY'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred helps Matthew into his tails. Matthew notices something on the coat.] Matthew: What happened here? Alfred: I...I just... [Matthew turns to face Alfred. Alfred takes a step backward and drops his eyes to the ground, his hands clasped behind his back.] Matthew: You just what? Alfred: There was a mark in it. Matthew: Well, I know there was a mark in it, but you didn't need to burn it away. (chuckles) What have you done? Well, I'll-I'll go down in my dinner jacket. You can send it to my tailor in London in the morning. [Matthew takes off the coat and sees Alfred's expression when he hands it over.] Matthew: Come on, nobody's died. Just find the dinner jacket. [Alfred nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING] Mr Carson: Mrs Hughes! There don't seem to be any glasses laid for the pudding wine. Mrs Hughes: Oh, are they having one tonight? Mr Carson: It's on the menus. I don't write them for my own amusement. Mrs Hughes: No, I daresay not. Mr Carson: Mrs Hughes, I am trying, and so far failing, to persuade His Lordship to bring the staff levels back up to snuff. But until he does, it is vital that you pull your weight! [Carson walks off in a huff. Mrs Hughes is clearly still distracted. She's pensive for a moment longer, and then heaves a big sigh.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Martha Levinson: Newport's not a jungle, not at all. But it is a little less formal. Violet: Well, Matthew obviously wants you to feel at home in his play clothes. Matthew:(chuckles) Don't blame me for this. I'm afraid Alfred and I had a bit of a disaster earlier. Cora: Why? What happened? Matthew: Somehow the poor chap managed to burn a hole in my tails. [Alfred is upset by the reference to his mistake.] Matthew: But don't worry, it can be mended. [Carson looks up at Alfred in shock, lifting the serving dish he's holding without thinking, just as Robert is trying to serve himself from the tray.] Robert: Careful, Carson. Steady the [?]. [Carson leans back down.] Mr Carson: Beg pardon, my lord. Strallan: I rather like dinner jackets. And I agree with you, sometimes it's nice to be informal. Edith: Especially when a couple is alone. [Strallan tilts his head down at Edith, catching her hint. Violet and Robert exchanged displeased looks.] Mary: But people like us should lead the fight to keep tradition going. Isobel: If you mean we can never change, I can't agree to that. Cora: Nor me. I think accepting change is quite as important as defending the past. Mary: But the role of houses like Downton is to protect tradition. That's why they're so important to maintain. Violet: Don't you agree, Mrs Levinson? We must do everything in our power to keep houses like Downton going. Martha Levinson: Sure, if you think it's worth it. So, who's coming to dinner next week? [Mary looks at Violet and raises her eyebrows at Martha's indifferent reply.] Cora: Some locals. We thought you'd like to see Downton on parade. Mary: That's right, Grandmamma. I'm glad we've planned a dinner. We can show you the real point of Downton. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson and Alfred enter as the other servants are preparing for their dinner.] Alfred: I don't know what to say, Mr Carson. O'Brien: What's going on here? Mr Carson: Alfred has embarrassed the family. He forced Mr Matthew to appear downstairs improperly dressed. O'Brien: Oh! You make it sound quite exciting. Mr Carson: I will not tolerate vulgarity, thank you, Miss O'Brien. Anna: I'm sure Alfred didn't mean to, Mr Carson. Mr Carson: Humph. [Mr Carson exits.] Alfred: I asked Thomas [?]-- Thomas: Oi, what's this? Alfred: The stuff you gave me to clean the tails burned a hole in them. Thomas: No such thing. I gave you some soda crystals, that's all. If you used them wrongly, it's not my fault. This is what comes of making him run before he could walk. [O'Brien looks closely at Thomas. He sits down stiffly, feigning innocence.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert and Strallan talk alone.] Strallan: If you want me to stay away from her, of course I will. Robert: I know it sounds harsh. Strallan: Please, Robert, I understand completely. Lady Edith is your daughter and you don't want her involved with some cripple who's far too old. Robert: Now you're the one who's harsh. Strallan: The trouble is, she calls 'round regularly. I can hardly ask for her not to be admitted. I suppose I could write to her. Robert: I hope you won't feel we can't be friends after this. [Strallan smiles.] Strallan: No. But let's leave it for a while. I'll duck out of the dinner next week. Robert: It might be best. Thank you. [Robert exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STORE CUPBOARD - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred and O'Brien enter to look over the various bottles. O'Brien points to one.] O'Brien: That's the one you should've taken. Soda crystals. Alfred: But he didn't give me that. He pointed to this one, I promise. [Alfred takes the bottle next to the one O'Brien pointed at and looks at it in distress while she regards him.] O'Brien: You don't have to promise. I believe you. [Alfred looks up at her as she leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert changes into his pyjamas.] Robert: So you think he's not ready? Thomas: He's just a lad, milord. He can see to the odd visitor, but permanent valet to Mr Matthew...is too much. Robert: Actually, I'm pretty sure Mr Crawley would rather manage on his own. Thomas: They wouldn't like that downstairs, milord. Robert: I was afraid you'd say that. So, what would you suggest? Thomas: Ask Mr Molesley to join us. It'll be kinder to Alfred in the long run, kinder than asking more than he can give. [Robert considers Thomas's suggestion. Thomas folds some clothes, smirking at his own cleverness.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MARY AND MATTHEW'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary lies in bed while Matthew finishes getting ready.] Mary: How is that poor footman? I thought Carson was going to eat him alive. Matthew: Very glum. To be honest, he has been a clot. I'll have to send the coat up to London. Mary: Well, get it done quickly. This dinner has to be the grandest of the grand. [Matthew lets out a breath.] Matthew: What do you hope to show her? Mary: Why Downton matters. Why it mustn't be allowed to fall apart. [Matthew climbs into bed.] Matthew: Hasn't Cora had her share of the Levinson gold? I thought what was left was headed for your uncle. Mary: It's not so laid down in America. He's as rich as Croesus as it is. Matthew (disapproving): So you mean to fleece her. Mary: Since you're the one to get us out of this hole if you wanted to, I won't take any criticism, thank you. Matthew: Will she do it? Mary: Granny means to make her or die in the attempt. Now stop talking and kiss me before I get cross. [Matthew grins and kisses her eagerly.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - NIGHT] Mrs Patmore: You hear him. With any luck, you'll know at once. [Mr Carson barges through the slightly open door.] Mr Carson: I wish you could get those maids under control. They've broken one of the serving dishes this time, and with a dinner next week! [Mrs Hughes rolls her eyes.] Mrs Hughes: We're short of a footman. We're short of a kitchen maid and one house maid at least, that's if Anna's to be a proper lady's maid, which is what Lady Mary wants. Mr Carson: Well, naturally. She likes things done properly. [Mrs Hughes finally loses it, taking Mr Carson aback.] Mrs Hughes: For heaven's sake! We can't do things properly until either His Lordship allows us the staff we need or until you and the blessed Lady Mary come down from that cloud and join the human race! [Mrs Patmore raises her eyebrows and Mr Carson takes on a superior tone and expression.] Mr Carson: I can only suppose that you are overtired. I bid you goodnight. [Mr Carson turns toward the door, but Mrs Patmore steps forward.] Mrs Patmore: You see she- [Mr Carson turns back around.] Mrs Hughes: Goodnight. Mr Carson. We will discuss the dinner in the morning. [Mr Carson nods and exits. Mrs Hughes glares for a moment as she turns to Mrs Patmore.] Mrs Hughes: And no, Mrs Patmore, you may not tell him. [Mrs Patmore sighs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson goes over the dinner menus as Alfred approaches.] Mr Carson: Oh, have you finished with Mr Matthew? Alfred: I have. He's in the dining room. Mr Carson: Very good. You won't need to attend to him again. [O'Brien's mouth opens in surprise as she sits at the table.] Mr Carson: Mr Molesley will be coming up from the village. Alfred: Has Mr Matthew complained? Mr Carson: He didn't have to. That's not your fault. We've hurried you along too fast. You mustn't feel badly. [Carson exits and O'Brien steps up to Alfred.] O'Brien: This is Thomas's doing. But don't you fret. I'll make him sorry. [O'Brien exits. Alfred walks down the servants' corridor, then stops and leans against the wall, hanging his head. Reed steps out from the kitchen and sees his downcast look. She steps directly in front of him.] Reed: I'm on your side. [Alfred looks up with a happier expression.] Alfred: (sigh) I'm glad somebody is. [Reed surprises Alfred with a kiss. Daisy witnesses it from the kitchen. Reed takes off down the corridor and Daisy watches Alfred with her mouth open in surprise.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert enters to find Edith and Matthew at the breakfast table.] Robert: No Mary? Matthew: She says she's a married woman now, so she can have breakfast in bed. [Matthew smiles a little and Robert chuckles. He looks over the mail and hands Edith a letter addressed to her.] Robert: I'm sorry about your tails. Matthew: Carson's sending them up on the London train this morning. They'll have to put a new panel in. Robert: We thought we'd get Molesley to come and look after you. He knows your ways. Matthew: I'm perfectly happy to- Robert: I think it best if he comes. Mr Carson: I do need to talk to you about the other staff we need, my lord. [Robert puts down the serving spoon with a clang.] Robert: Not now, Carson. But you may send for Molesley if Mrs Crawley has no objection. [Edith drops her silverware with a clang and Robert looks over as she reads her letter with a distressed look. ] Robert: Edith? [Matthew looks up at her.] Edith: Oh, Papa, how could you? [Edith walks out crying.] Matthew: Golly. Do you know what that was? Robert: I'm afraid I probably do. [Robert sighs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora embroiders while Mary sits down to visit with her.] Cora: I'm sorry, but quite enough of my father's money has already been poured into Downton. Why should Harold lose half his inheritance because of our folly? Mary: So it's all Papa's fault? Cora: Well, it isn't my mother's and it isn't my brother's. I don't see why they should pay for it. Mary: We're still going to ask. Cora: What are you so afraid of? If we sell, we move to a smaller house and a more modest estate. We don't have to go down the mine. Mary: You don't understand. Cora: Mary, a lot of people live in smaller houses than they used to. Mary: Which only goes to show that you're American and I am English. I shall be Countess of Grantham one day and in my book, the Countess of Grantham lives at Downton Abbey. [Cora regards Mary with a wry smile as Mary leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. WOMEN'S SHELTER - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Ethel approaches the shelter. Inside, Isobel talks to a woman who is eating eagerly.] Isobel: What job might you be suited to? Because we're not simply here to give you food. We must try to find you your place in the world. [Ethel enters. Isobel looks up.] Isobel: Do you want to speak to me? Isobel: Yes, Mrs Crawley, I do. [Isobel approaches Ethel with a smile, still not quite recognizing her.] Isobel: Have you come for our help? You're very welcome if you have. [Ethel backs away and begins to leave.] Isobel: Wait a minute. I know you. [Ethel stops and turns around.] Isobel: You were the maid who brought your child into the dining room at Downton that time. Ethel: I'm sorry, this has been a mistake. I thought I was ready to ask you, but I'm not. I'm not ready. [Ethel rushes out and Isobel calls after her.] Isobel: Ask me what? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore jump a little as they hear the door open and Dr Clarkson enters.] Dr Clarkson: I'm sorry to keep you waiting, ladies. The fact is, it's not quite as simple. Mrs Patmore: Oh, my god. Mrs Hughes: Mrs Patmore, will you please leave the hysteria to me. Dr Clarkson: I'm afraid the test was inconclusive. I had hoped that the fluid from the cist would be clear, but there are traces of blood in it. Not enough to confirm the presence of cancer, but...a little too much to exclude it. Mrs Hughes: So, what happens now? Dr Clarkson: I send it away for analysis. And this stage will take some time. Mrs Patmore: How much time? Dr Clarkson: Anything up to two months. Mrs Patmore: Oh, my g- [Mrs Hughes shoots Mrs Patmore a look and she stops.] Dr Clarkson: Until then, please try to take it a little more easily. Sit down and put your feet up if you can. Mrs Patmore: Oh, chance'd be a fine thing. [They all rise as the women prepare to leave.] Dr Clarkson: Would you like me to say something to Lady Grantham? Mrs Hughes: No, thank you, Doctor. I'll speak to her myself, if I need to. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith cries into her Grandma Levinson's shoulder on a bench. Robert comes across them as he walks with his dog.] Robert: My darling girl, what's this? Martha Levinson: I think you know what it is since you asked Sir Anthony to write. Robert: Edith, you do understand that I only ever want what's best for you. Edith: And you're the judge of that? Robert: In this, I think I am. Edith: Sybil marries a chauffeur and you welcome him to Downton, but when I'm in love with a gentleman, you...cast him into the outer darkness. Martha Levinson: She has a point, Robert. Robert: Strallan is certainly a gentleman. Martha Levinson: Well then, besides which, Edith tells me he has a house, he has money, he has a title, everything that you care about. Robert: You make me sound very shallow. Edith: Aren't you, when you make me give him up because he has a bad arm? Robert: That's not the only reason. He's a quarter of a century too old. Did she tell you that? Martha Levinson: Your daughter is sad and lonely, Robert. Now, I don't mean to interfere, but- Robert: Don't you? Edith: If you ban him from Downton, I'll only go to his house. I mean it. Robert: I don't believe he'd see you. Edith: Then I'll just wait outside until he does. How can you not like him because of his age, when almost every young man we grew up with is dead? Do you want me to spend my life alone? Robert: I didn't say I don't like him. I like him very much. Edith: So do I, Papa. So do I. [Edith goes to Robert and takes his hand.] Edith: Please, ask him back. He writes he's not coming to Mama's dinner, but please make him. Please, please, please. Robert: Oh, all right then. [Edith sighs a little in relief. She looks to her grandmamma with a tearful smile and Martha nods her encouragement.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and Bates sit at a visiting table.] Anna: I found Mrs Bartlett. I wrote back to the tenant of her old house explaining, and they've sent me a forwarding address. I don't know why they didn't before. Bates: Just because you know where she is doesn't mean she'll talk to you. Anna: Why not? Bates: [?] Bartlett was the nearest thing Vera had to a friend. Anna: That's why I want to meet her. Bates: Maybe, but when she looks at you, she won't see the real Anna Bates. Anna: She doesn't have to like me. I need her to be honest. I'm going to write and ask for a meeting. I can get to London and back in a day. Bates: She won't agree. Anna: I've the rent from the house, so I can make it worth her while. Why do you think Vera didn't go and see her instead of sending that letter? Bates: What do you mean? Anna: When Vera was frightened about your visit, she wrote that letter saying how scared she was instead of walking 'round to see her friend. [Bates thinks it over.] Bates: Maybe she did both. [Anna looks down, not accepting his explanation.] Bates: So, what's the news at home? [Anna shakes her head, still looking down.] Anna: I shouldn't tell you, really. I haven't told any of the others. It's breaking the code of a lady's maid. (whisper) His Lordship's in trouble. It seems they may have to sell. BATES (whisper) What? Sell Downton? That makes me sad. I wouldn't've thought there was much that could touch me in here, but...that does. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Molesley runs to the house, very out of breath.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MATTHEW'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Molesley enters, still panting for air.] Mr Molesley: It's never come. They promised and promised, and I thought it was sure to be on the seven o'clock, but it's not. Matthew: Well, I'll just have to wear black tie. [Matthew takes off his white bowtie.] Mr Molesley: But Lady Mary! She'll- Matthew: These things don't matter as much as they did. Lady Mary knows that as well as anyone. [Mr Molesley hesitates, a bigger stickler for tradition, then goes for Matthew's other tie.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Reed walks down the corridor. She turns a corner to find O'Brien exiting Robert's dressing room with a stack of shirts.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson opens the front hall door for Violet.] Violet: Thank you. I know I'm early- Mary: Granny. [Mary rushes forward.] Mary: Come and see what we've done. Violet: Oh, excuse us. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The table is magnificently decorated, including large arrangements of flowers. Mary shows it off eagerly.] Mary: What do you think? [Violet smiles proudly.] Violet: Nothing succeeds like excess. Mary: When shall we tackle her? Violet: After dinner. We'll get her on her own. Mary: She won't want to see all this go, not now she knows it's for her own granddaughter. She won't. Violet: Never mistake a wish for a certainty. Let's hope she won't. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] Daisy: Mrs Patmore. Mrs Patmore: What is it now? Daisy: It's smoking, the range. [Daisy opens the smoking oven.] Mrs Patmore: The wind must be in the wrong direction. Just rake it through. Thomas: Where's Alfred? Mrs Patmore: Why? [Thomas enters in a panic.] Thomas: Where's Alfred! Daisy: I think he's in the servant's hall. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANT'S HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas enters in a panic.] Thomas (to Alfred): Where are they? Anna: Where are what? Thomas: His bloody evening shirts, that's what! Where have you put them? Alfred: I haven't touched his evening shirts. Why would I? [Thomas turns to O'Brien.] Thomas: Have you done this? O'Brien: Thomas, why would I know anything about His Lordship's shirts? Thomas: When I find out- O'Brien: Keep your histrionics to yourself and hurry up about it! Her Ladyship's already in the drawing room. Are you telling me His Lordship's not even dressed? [Thomas shifts nervously on his feet, looking between O'Brien and Alfred. He rushes off and O'Brien turns back to her paper.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert faces Thomas, still wearing his dressing gown.] Robert: You can't have lost them all! Thomas: I haven't lost any of them, milord. Th-they've been taken by someone, s-stolen, pinched. Robert: Why would they do that? Thomas: To get at me, milord! [Robert's head tilts back in surprise and he approaches Thomas.] Robert: Are you not popular downstairs? Thomas: Well, I wouldn't say that, milord. But you know how people can be. They like a little joke. Robert: Well, I'm sorry, but this is quite unacceptable. If you uncover the culprit, refer them to me. But for now, what are we going to do? [Thomas's mouth opens like a fish, trying to think of any solution to his dilemma.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR, EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The guests arrive via motorcar.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson welcomes the guests.] Mr Carson: Good evening, Sir John. [The guests enter happily, completely at odds to the panic stirring in the rest of the household.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Patmore and Daisy inspect the heavily smoking oven.] Mrs Patmore: It can't be going out! Daisy: Well, it is. There must be a block in the floo. Mrs Patmore: But the dinner's not cooked. We haven't even put in the soufflés. Daisy: They'll be no soufflés tonight. [Mrs Patmore enters, seeing the smoke.] Mrs Patmore: Yeah, but the mutton's still raw. Mrs Hughes: What in heaven's name is going on? Mrs Patmore: I'll tell you what! We've twenty lord and ladies in the drawing room waiting for dinner, and we've got no dinner to give them! Mrs Hughes: Oh, my god. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew enters in a black tie and dinner jacket. He holds his arms out for Mary see him.] MARY (whisper) Why are you not in white tie? Matthew: Darling, please forgive me. I'm afraid they never sent my tails back. [Robert enters in the same form of dress and Violet looks him over in surprise.] Violet: You're not in white tie either? What have you come as? Robert: I'm so sorry. Thomas has lost all my dress shirts. [Violet sees Edith and Strallan laughing and smiling at each other over Robert's shoulder.] Violet: Why-why is he still here? I thought you'd given him his marching orders. Robert: I had, but my dear mother-in-law intervened. I've a good mind to tell her- Violet: No, no, no. No, not tonight. She must have it all her own way tonight, don't you think? [Martha enters behind the gentlemen and exaggerates her surprise when she sees Matthew and Robert's dinner jackets.] Martha Levinson: Oh, you two are dressed for a barbecue. Robert: I feel like a Chicago bootlegger. Violet: I don't even know what that means, but it sounds almost as peculiar as you look. [Cora enters with hurried footsteps.] Cora: Robert, come quickly. Isobel: What is it? Cora: Apparently the oven's broken down. [Mary and Violet reel from the horrible added surprise.] Robert: It can't have done. What does that mean? Cora: To cut a long story short, it means we have no food. Martha Levinson: (chuckle) Oh! Funny clothes and no food. It should be quite an evening. Cora: Thank you, Mother. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes whisper together as the family enters.] Mrs Hughes: Nothing's cooked. And nothing's going to be cooked. Mary: But surely- Cora: Shall we just tell them to go home? Martha Levinson: No, Cora, please, come on. They've come for a party, we're going to give them a party. Carson. Mr Carson: Mm? Martha Levinson: Clear the table, you're going to go down to the larders, you bring up bread, fruit, cheese, chicken, ham, whatever's edible. [Carson, Mrs Hughes, Violet, Mary, and Robert reel from the break with tradition.] Martha Levinson: We're going to have an indoor picnic. They're going to eat whatever they want, wherever they want, all over the house. [Carson stares at Martha in shock.] Mr Carson: Are you quite sure, madam? Robert: It's not really how we do it. Martha Levinson: How you used to do it. Isobel: Oh, come on. It might be fun. CORA (excited) I agree. We'll all pull together and it will be great fun. Martha Levinson: Yes! Now, I know what we need. Does anyone here play the piano? [Mrs Levinson exits enthusiastically.] MARY (whisper) Oh, Mama, this is so exactly not what we wanted the evening to be. CORA (whisper) If it's the end of your undignified campaign, I won't be sorry. [Cora and the others exit, while Violet shift uncomfortably.] Mary: We can't just give up. Violet: Certainly not. Oh, do you think I might have a drink? [Violet turns her head and "realises" she just addressed Robert.] Violet: Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a waiter. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [All of the servants pitch in to help out with the impromptu dinner plans. Mrs Patmore gives some instructions to Anna and Molesley.] Mrs Patmore: Slice that finely and fetch some parsley and cut the dry bits off. Alfred: You're good to lend a hand. Reed: I don't mind helping. I think it's good to do other things sometimes. Alfred: I know you do. Mr Molesley: There's not much left of this. Anna: Better cut it in squares and put it with the ham. You're very smart in your new valet's outfit. Mrs Hughes: Alfred, go and check the meat larder. Bring anything back you think a human being could swallow. [Alfred takes off and Carson enters.] Mr Carson: Chop, chop, Mrs Hughes. We can rest later, but not yet. Mrs Patmore: Mr Carson, would you just-? Mrs Hughes: Mr Carson's quite right. There's not a minute to lose. [Mrs Patmore purses her lips at Mrs Hughes's insistence on secrecy. The other servants continue to fix the dinner.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MEAT LARDER - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Reed peeks into the meat larder to find Alfred.] Reed: Psst. Do you want to know a secret? Those shirts that Thomas thinks you stole...I saw who took 'em, and I know where they are. Alfred: Who did take them? Reed: Never mind that. But I followed. I'll show you if you want. [Reed smirks at him.] Alfred: Why are you being so nice to me? Reed: Because I like you. Alfred: And you can say it just like that? Reed: I'm an American, Alfred, and this is 1920. Time to live a little. [Reed raises her eyebrows at him.] Alfred: I thought you were just trying to find something out for Mrs Levinson. Reed: What would she need to find out when she can read 'em all like the palm of her hand? She won't help, you know. Alfred: Help with what? Reed: Never mind. Just kiss me again. [Alfred steps forward and kisses her soundly. Daisy freezes and takes a step down towards the kitchen when she sees them.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The servants place more food on the dining room table while Martha leads the guests in.] Martha Levinson: Now, all of you, find whatever it is you want to eat, and take it wherever you want to sit. Lady Manville: Anywhere? Martha Levinson: Anywhere. All over the house. If any of you have ever wanted to explore Downton Abbey, this is your chance. Robert: I'm sorry if it's all a bit casual. Lady Manville: It's exciting, Lord Grantham. I feel like one of those bright young people they write about in the newspapers. [Robert tenses and exchanges a look with Carson, who looks mortified.] Robert (graciously): Thank you, Lady Manville. Isobel: Cheer up. She won't be here forever. Robert: But how much damage will be done before she goes? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Someone plays the piano and Martha leads the guests in a song.] Martha Levinson & Guests: ♫ Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you. Let me hear you whisper that you love me, too. Keep the love light glowing in your eyes so true. ♫ [Martha is clearly enjoying herself, along with several of the guests, while Carson looks continually uncomfortable and perplexed. Martha sits down in the chair next to Violet, who appears to be waking from a nap. Violet looks over, a bit startled to find herself being serenaded personally by Martha.] Martha Levinson: ♫ Let me call you sweetheart. ♫ [The others stop singing and allow Martha to finish out a solo at the end of the song.] Martha Levinson: ♫ I'm in love with you. ♫ [Martha takes Violet's hand and kisses it, while Violet shifts in her chair. Robert and Carson exchange another look.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] Mrs Hughes: Is there anything for our supper? Mrs Patmore: I've hidden a veal and egg pie. [Mrs Hughes nods her head in relieved thanks.] Mrs Patmore: Oh, I wish you'd let me talk to Mr Carson. Mrs Hughes: I don't want to be a sick in his eyes for the next two months. Or a dying one in the months to come after that. [Mrs Hughes steps quickly to the doorway and covers her mouth as she starts crying.] Mrs Patmore: Shh. I know it'll be all right. [Mrs Hughes recovers enough to speak.] Mrs Hughes (voice breaking): No, you don't, but I appreciate the sentiment. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith and Strallan stand close and speak in hushed voices.] Strallan: Are you absolutely sure you won't wake up in ten years time and wonder why you're tied to this crippled old codger? Edith: Only if you keep talking like that. Strallan: Do you know how much you mean to me? [Strallan leans forward and whispers in Edith's ear.] Strallan: You have given me back my life. Edith: That's more like it. [Edith kisses his cheek.] Strallan: And you're certain you won't wait? Edith: To give you the chance to change your mind? Don't worry, I can get it organized in a month. Shall we tell them tonight? Strallan: No, no. I'll come back in the morning. [Edith nods and smiles happily.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy encounters Alfred on her way down the stairs.] Daisy: Alfred, can I ask you something? Why do you like that American girl? Alfred: Steady. Who says I do? Daisy: Don't you? Alfred: Well, I suppose I do. Daisy: And it doesn't matter that she's fast or that you won't see her again after she's gone home? Alfred: So what? She made me feel good about myself, Daisy. I feel good for the first time since I came here. That's what matters to me. [Carson descends the stairs behind Daisy.] Mr Carson: Alfred! Hurry up. I need you to take 'round the claret. Alfred: All through the rooms? Won't they spill it on the floor? Mr Carson: If you ask me, we are staring into the chaos of Gomorrah, but we have to give them more wine and you are going to help. What's that? [Carson points to the package in Alfred's arms.] Alfred: I have to take it upstairs for His Lordship. Mr Carson: Well, be quick about it. [Carson takes the last couple steps down to the corridor and Daisy watches Alfred go up the stairs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Martha Levinson: But of course I'll help you any way I can. Mary: Oh, thank heaven. [Mary and Violet smile in relief.] Violet: Oh, it seems our family owes Downton's survival to the Levinsons not once, but twice. Martha Levinson: No. I'm so sorry, but you've misunderstood me. No, I cannot rescue Downton. [Mary and Violet's smiles fall.] Martha Levinson: It's a shame if it has to go, but I can't. Mary: But...why not? Martha Levinson: Because your grandpa tied the money down. He felt that the Crawley family had quite enough. Mary: But you said you'd help us. Martha Levinson: I can entertain all of you in Newport and in New York, and I can add to Cora's dress allowance, but that's all. My income might be generous, but I cannot touch the capital. Besides, Mary, the world has changed. These houses were built for another age. [Martha lets out heavy sigh at the thought of the upkeep.] Martha Levinson: Are you quite sure you want to continue with the bother of it all? Mary: Quite sure. Martha Levinson: If I were you and I knew I was going to lose it, I should look on the sunny side. [Mary looks down at her lap in her disappointment. Martha talks pointedly to Violet] Martha Levinson: Both of our husbands tied the money up tight before they were taken. Violet: Lord Grantham wasn't taken. He died. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates sees a guard hand something to his cellmate as he's being escorted back.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The maids sit at the table with various occupations.] O'Brien: I suppose it's scrap sandwich for the servants tonight. Anna: Mrs Patmore's kept something by. [Thomas enters.] Thomas: Who put them back? Anna: What? Thomas: The shirts. Who put them back? O'Brien: Oh, they're back, are they? You mean you've overlooked them in the first place. [Reed smiles knowingly as she listens to the conversation.] Thomas: Don't tell me what I mean, Miss O'Brien. I'm warning you. O'Brien: Listen to yourself. You sound like Tom Mix in a Wild West picture show. Stop warning me and go and lay out His Lordship's pyjamas. [Some house maids giggle. Alfred enters.] Alfred: What are you laughing at? O'Brien: Seems those missing shirts went for a walk and now they've come home. Alfred: Really? Have they? [Alfred tries to keep a straight face, and Reed smile at him and tries not to laugh.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, BATES'S CELL - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Craig turns to face Bates.] Craig: You didn't see nothing. Bates: I agree. [Bates turns back to his book.] Craig: 'Cause if you did, I'll cut you. [Bates puts his book down and gets up to face Craig. He punches Craig in the stomach and wrestles him up against the wall, pinning him by the throat.] Bates: Don't ever threaten me. Craig: I forgot I was sharing a cell with a murderer. Bates: Don't forget it again. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert enters, weary from the trials of evening. He pours himself a nightcap. He turns in surprise as Martha speaks.] Martha Levinson: This evening has made me homesick for America. It's time to go. Robert: I don't suppose you want some whiskey to take to bed. Martha Levinson: Oh, but I'd love one. No water. [Robert pours a glass and hands it to her.] Martha Levinson: Thank you. [Robert sips his drink.] Martha Levinson: I'm sorry I can't help you keep Downton, Robert. [Robert pauses at her remark and sits down.] Martha Levinson: That's what Mary wanted. Robert: Ah. I thought there was something. Martha Levinson: You know, the way to deal with the world today is not to ignore it. If you do, you'll just get hurt. Robert: Sometimes I feel like a creature in the wilds whose natural habitat is gradually being destroyed. Martha Levinson: Some animals adapt to new surroundings. It seems a better choice than extinction. Robert: I don't think it is a choice. I think it's what's in you. Martha Levinson: Well, let's hope that what's in you will carry you through these times to a safer shore. [Martha raises her glass to toast. Robert raises his glass in a toast, but Martha nods her head forward, waiting for him to clink her glass. He doesn't so she clinks his glass. He's slightly surprise. She rolls her eyes and they drink.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes stares gloomily into the fireplace.] Mr Carson: Is everything all right? [Mrs Hughes turns around in surprise.] Mrs Hughes: Certainly. [Carson looks at her with concern.] Mrs Hughes: Was there something you wanted? Mr Carson: The kitchen managed well tonight in difficult circumstances. His Lordship sends his thanks. Mrs Hughes: Was the evening a success? Mr Carson: The odd thing is, I think it was. Though for me, everything sprawled on the floor, eating like beaters at a break in the shooting, that's not a party. It's a works outing. Where's the style, Mrs Hughes? Where's the show? Mrs Hughes: Perhaps people are tired of...style and show. Mr Carson: Well, in my opinion, to misquote Dr Johnson, "if you're tired of style, you are tired of life." Mrs Hughes:(chuckles) Goodnight, Mr Carson. [Carson pauses at the door and turns back around.] Mr Carson: You'd say if anything was wrong, wouldn't you? I know I've been a bit crabby, but I am on your side. Mrs Hughes: Thank you for that. [Mrs Hughes smiles at Carson's kindness. He looks at her with the same concern for the moment, then exits. Mrs Hughes looks around her sitting room, then follows him out, turning off the light. She meets Mrs Patmore in the corridor.] Mrs Hughes: You've just missed an admirer. Mr Carson says you did well tonight. Mrs Patmore: Humph. Did you tell him? Mrs Hughes: No. [They walk down the corridor together.] Mrs Hughes: And what is there to tell? One day, I will die. And so will he, and you, and every one of us under this roof. (sigh) You must put these things in proportion, Mrs Patmore, and I think I can do that now. [Mrs Patmore nods and puts a hand on Mrs Hughes's arm before going off to bed. Mrs Hughes turns off the lights in the corridor.]	Plan: A: the estate's future; Q: What is hanging in the balance? A: Mary; Q: Who hopes to receive a bailout from her grandmother Martha? A: Violet's help; Q: Who helps Mary put on a grand party for friends and neighbors? A: a bigger show; Q: What does Mary want to make sure Downton puts on? A: Mrs Hughes; Q: Who hears worrying news about Alfred? A: O'Brien; Q: Who tries to help Alfred? A: disapproval; Q: What does Thomas' reaction to O'Brien's efforts to help Alfred meet with? A: Thomas; Q: Who disapproves of O'Brien's efforts to boost Alfred's progress? Summary: With the estate's future hanging in the balance, Mary hopes to receive a bailout from her grandmother Martha - and with Violet's help, tries to make sure Downton puts on a bigger show than ever before with a grand party for friends and neighbours. Meanwhile, Mrs Hughes hears worrying news, and O'Brien's efforts to boost Alfred's progress meets with disapproval from Thomas.
50th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 3ADA07 [SCENE_BREAK] [Jesse and Max are packing the trunk of the car, as Isabel and Jesse prepare to leave for the honeymoon] KYLE: Hey, guys. How's it going? Everything ok? JESSE: Yeah. Fine. KYLE: You sure? MAX: Yeah. What's up? KYLE: Nothing. Nothing. Is Isabel around? MAX: Yeah, she's, uh, upstairs changing. KYLE: Great. Sorry. LIZ: Kitchen. MICHAEL: I'm not washing all these. LIZ: Go. KYLE: Hey, what are you doing? You didn't tell them? ISABEL: No. You tell them. After I'm gone. KYLE: Hold on. Isn't this guy like an alien killer? ISABEL: Look, I get one honeymoon, all right? He's not gonna ruin it! KYLE: Isabel, I'm all for denial as A... Way of life, but you can't just run away from this one. ISABEL: Yes, i can. MICHAEL: You wanna wash or dry? KYLE: I can't believe she didn't tell you. MICHAEL: Tell me what? JESSE: All right, Mrs. Ramirez. Time to go or we are going to miss our plane. ISABEL: I know. See ya in a week! MICHAEL: Have fun. ISABEL: Bye! JESSE: Bye! Mrs Evans: We'll miss you! ISABEL: Mom, it's only a week. I'll call. Mr Evans: Have a great time! KYLE: I'm sure she will. Mrs Evans: Everything is different now. MAX: Yeah, it is. MICHAEL: What's going on? KYLE: Is she officially gone yet? MICHAEL: Yeah. MAX: I'm leaving. MICHAEL: Wait. Kyle's gonna tell us something. MICHAEL: Spit it out. KYLE: I can't believe she didn't tell you. MICHAEL: Tell us what? KYLE: About Kivar. What, did I say his name wrong? MICHAEL: What about Kivar? KYLE: He's here. MICHAEL: He's here? KYLE: She saw him. She danced with him. MICHAEL: She what? KYLE: At the reception. He looks normal. Looks like a human. MICHAEL: How does Isabel's former alien lover crash her wedding and we don't know about it? KYLE: I don't know, but he's here. [The gang is watching the tape] KYLE: No, no, that's it. Stop it. Stop it. MICHAEL: How can that be him? That's him? MARIA: Woof. I'm just saying. KYLE: So what's the deal with this guy? MICHAEL: Son of a bitch killed us. MAX: All of us. KYLE: He killed you? MAX: Yeah. We don't remember a lot. In our other life, Kivar was our enemy. He was trying to take over my throne. Isabel fell in love with him and helped him overtake us. It was a bloodbath. We were all killed, including Isabel. Our genetic material was mixed with human DNA, and then we were sent here. KYLE: Nothing's ever simple with you people, is it? LIZ: What is Kivar doing here? MICHAEL: I doubt he's on vacation. LIZ: What are you gonna do? MAX: What we have to. MICHAEL: We're going to la Jolla. [Micheael uses his power to create airline tickets] MICHAEL: First class. And we're gonna kill him. [Sighs] [Jesse and Isabel arrive at the hotel- Isabel nervously looks around and sees Kivar getting out of a cab] JESSE: You ok? ISABEL: Yeah. Yeah, I'm just tired. JESSE: Well, let's get checked in and, uh, slip into something a little more... Married? [Both laughing as Jesse carries Isabel over the threshold] JESSE: wow. Look at this. ISABEL: Oh, my god. It's so beautiful. JESSE: Oh, you're beautiful. JESSE: Hold on while I take care of the bellman. Here you go. BELLMAN: Thanks. ISABEL: Jeez! ISABEL: whoo! Yeah! JESSE: What? ISABEL: Nothing. I'm ok. JESSE: You're tired. ISABEL: I'm fine. I'm fine. JESSE: Come here. Come here. Catch our breath for a moment. We're going to be married for a long, long time ok? There's no reason to rush anything anymore. Everything's going to be fine. [Maria overhears Mr. Parker and Mr Evans as Mr Evans comes into the Crashdown] Mr Evans: Jeff. Mr Parker: Oh, hey, Philip. Congratulations. Oh, thanks. Mr Parker: Do you wanna see a menu or something? Mr Evans: Uh, no, no. Look, I feel kinda funny about this, but could I speak to you for a minute? Mr Parker: Sure. Right now? Mr Evans: Yeah. Uh...In private? Mr Parker: Yeah. Let's go in the back. [Back on the honeymoon, Isabel is sleeping as Jesse watches TV- Jesse looks at the hotel info, and sees the steam room- he enters the room, and closes his eyes. When he opens them, the man from Isabel's dreams is in the room] KIVAR: hi. [Isabel wakes up] ISABEL: Jesse, sweetheart, are you here? JESSE: (from the note laying on the bed) "Dear Mrs. Ramirez, "I didn't want to wake you. "I've gone to the spa. It's 2:30. I'll be back in an hour." [Isabel looks at the clock, and its 5:38] [Back at the Crashdown] LIZ: Well, what did they say? MARIA: I couldn't hear. They were whispering. LIZ: They were whispering? MARIA: Yeah. Something's brewing. LIZ: Well, something bad? MARIA: I don't know, but you and I, we're not included. And the way they were skulking around, it reminded me of us. LIZ: No. No. Screw that. MARIA: What are you doing? LIZ: No, don't. Back in one second. [Liz walks in the back room where her father is working on the shake machine] LIZ: That break again? Mr Parker: [Laughs] might be time for a new one. LIZ: So, um, what did Mr. Evans want? Mr Parker: Um... You know, we share the same accountant, and he's gonna raise his rates, so... We're just not sure if we wanna pay the increase. So, uh... LIZ: Oh. See, I thought that he was unhappy with the catering, but... Mr Parker: No. The catering was fine. LIZ: Good. That's really good. Mr Parker: Oh, um... Table 8. Could you get them some menus and water? LIZ: Ok. Mr Parker: Thank you. [Isabel is looking for Jesse and sees him by the pool ] ISABEL: Jesse. JESSE: Baby! Oh, I'm sorry. ISABEL: Where have you been? JESSE: I was just about to come wake you up. ISABEL: Where were you? JESSE: Uh--driving range. [Kivar walks up] KIVAR: Your husband's quite a golfer. [Jesse Isabel and Kivar are talking] JESSE: Oh I knew the moment I met her. KIVAR: Really? Jesse: Yeah. Love at first site. ISABEL: That is so sweet, honey. Maybe we should- JESSE: kevin, what about you? Is there anyone special in your life? KIVAR: As a matter of fact, there is. JESSE: Great. Maybe we could all hook up and go out for dinner one night. KIVAR: That'd be difficult, Jesse. See, she's gone. JESSE: Gone? KIVAR: She's not-- she's not dead, just... Just missing. JESSE: Oh, my god. KIVAR: Seems like I've been searching for her forever. JESSE: Wow... Kevin, I'm sorry. That's... How did it happen? ISABEL: Jesse, you know, it's private, so... KIVAR: Hey, it's all right. Really. Look, to fully understand what happened, you gotta go back to the first night we met. See, we were supposed to fall in love. Our families were enemies, we were at the palace, and it was one of those rare moments where they were trying to find peace. JESSE: The palace. KIVAR: We were by the water, and... She pleaded with me not to, but I kissed her. [Isabel remembers her dream] KIVAR: And that was it. From that point on, we were together. We would have done anything for each other, and we did. Till one bad night. One... One night I lost her. ISABEL: Well, it all sounds pretty far-fetched to me. KIVAR: But it's all true. [Back in Roswell- the doorbell rings at the Valenti house] JIM: I got it, Kyle. KYLE: Ok. JIM: Hey. What's up, Philip? Mr Evans: Hi, sheriff. Uh, Jim. Uh, listen, I feel really odd about this... JIM: About what? Mr Evans: Well, I'm not sure. I've been talking to Jeff parker, and, um... And I know this is gonna sound strange, but there's some things i need to know, and I was wondering if you could help me out. Can I come in? JIM: Sure! Yeah, I'm sorry. Come on in. Come on in. Mr Parker: Thanks. JIM: So, uh... What kinda things? Mr Parker: It's about the kids. Um... About max, actually. JIM: Something happened? Mr Evans: Something's been happening for a few years now, and I don't know what it is. I'm just trying to find out more information on my son. JIM: How can I help you? Mr Evans: Well... I used to see him all the time with this girl. She had blonde hair. I think she was staying at your house. JIM: Tess. Mr Parker: Yeah. They dated, didn't they? JIM: Yeah. I think. I mean, for a while, yeah. You know kids. Hard to keep up. Mr Parker: Yeah. Mr Parker: where is she now? JIM: She left. Mr Parker: Oh. JIM: She went back east. She's got relatives there... An aunt and uncle. Mr Parker: Do you have a way of contacting her? JIM: What, uh--why? Mr Parker: I was just gonna ask her a few questions. JIM: About max. Mr Parker: Do you have a phone number for her? JIM: Yeah, somewhere. I've got her address here. God knows where that is. Let me ask Kyle when he gets back. And, uh... We'll see if we can't track her down for you. Mr Parker: I'd appreciate that. Thanks, sheriff. JIM: Sure. Sure, no problem. ISABEL: He bugs me. JESSE: Who, Kevin? What, you think he's some freak who preys on honeymooning newlyweds? [Kivar moves his hand over a drink and it changes color] JESSE: Ok. Let's sneak out this way. KIVAR: Jesse. Here [Hand him the drink] JESSE: Oh. Thanks. KIVAR: Isabel, did you want anything? ISABEL: No. KIVAR: Look, I feel like I'm intruding. I'm gonna leave you two alone. JESSE: Well, I'm sure we'll see you later. ISABEL: We're gonna be really busy. [Laughs] JESSE: she's got a point. KIVAR: Yes, she does. Congratulations. I hope you guys have a long and happy life together. JESSE: Thanks. KIVAR: Bye. JESSE: Just us. ISABEL: Thank god! JESSE: (acting sick) Oh! Uh... ISABEL: What's wrong? JESSE: Oh, I don't think that oyster appetizer was a good idea. Oh! I'll be right back. ISABEL: Uh... Excuse me. I'm sorry. [Kivar grabs Isabel and starts dancing with her] ISABEL: What did you do to Jesse? KIVAR: He'll be fine. Just used him to steal a moment. I've been searching for you for an eternity. ISABEL: I'm not Vilandra anymore. KIVAR: Yes, you are. I can feel it. I can feel it right now. ISABEL: You got what you wanted from me. Please, just leave me alone now. KIVAR: Ditch the human toy and meet me by the water. Like when we first met. ISABEL: No. No. No. [Back at the Crashdown] LIZ: Thank you. So what did your dad say to him? KYLE: Well, he handled it for the moment, but it's true. Max's dad is investigating. MARIA: You guys, I really-- I wouldn't worry about this. Look at it from Mr. Evans' point of view. His son is practically a hardened criminal. Suddenly daughter gets married. He's trying to get a grip on his new world order. KYLE: Suppose he discovers the interstellar love triangle and the alien hit squad winging its way to honeymoon central? LIZ: No, he won't. KYLE: He might. He might. LIZ: He won't. MARIA: What's this. LIZ: I don't know. What is it? [Maria picks up a missing person flyer] MARIA: Guess what. LIZ: What? MARIA: Isabel's alien lover is a man named Denny. KYLE: He's not from Antar? LIZ: No. That's how he got here. Kivar took possession. MARIA: This guy's totally innocent. LIZ: With a wife. KYLE: And max and Michael are gonna kill him. [on the honeymoon] ISABEL: Jesse, are you coming out? [Isabel has flashbacks] JESSE: Yeah. One second. ISABEL: Oh, Jesse, hurry. [Isabel looks out the window and sees Kivar- she uses her power to melt the door knob and lock Jesse in the bathroom] JESSE: hey, Isabel! Something's wrong with the door. Can you push it or something? ISABEL: Um, it's stuck, honey. I can't even turn the handle. JESSE: How much did we pay for this hotel room? ISABEL: Jesse, sweetheart, I'm going to go and find some maintenance people and see if they can get it open. I'll be right back. JESSE: Isabel... Isabel, just use the phone. [Isabel walks up to Kivar] ISABEL: What have you done to me? KIVAR: What do you mean? ISABEL: You've taken control, used some kind of power to get me here. KIVAR: I've done nothing. You're here because it's where Vilandra wants to be. ISABEL: Vilandra is dead. She doesn't exist. KIVAR: She does. Within you. ISABEL: Vilandra betrayed my entire family. She murdered them, and I've been given a second chance, and it doesn't include you! KIVAR: Yes, it does! Just by being here. We can leave tonight. Right now. ISABEL: How? KIVAR: It's a new mode of transit, something we've been working on. It's better than a ship. Just come with me. ISABEL: No. And if you really love me, don't come back. [Kivar kisses Isabel] [Michael and Max arrive] MICHAEL: What if he's not here? What if this is some wild goose chase? MAX: Oh, he's here. He wants Isabel. Kivar's nothing if not determined. MICHAEL: Then i hope we're not-- ... [They see Isabel and Kivar kissing] MICHAEL: Too late. KIVAR: Return with me, Vilandra. ISABEL: I'm not Vilandra. KIVAR: You can be. We can leave all this behind. [Cell phone rings] MICHAEL: you ever hear of vibrate? ISABEL: Jesse. KIVAR: He doesn't matter. ISABEL: He does! He does matter. LIZ: Max, hi. You're still alive! MICHAEL: Is that Liz? MAX: I can't talk right now. LIZ: Max, did you kill him? MAX: No. I love you, but I gotta go. MARIA: Is Michael ok? KYLE: What about Isabel? LIZ: Max, don't kill him, ok? MICHAEL: Hang it up. LIZ: He's a human being. His name is Denny Ridgley, he's married, and he's a local. MARIA: Is Michael ok? MICHAEL: Max, hang it up! MAX: Yeah. Michael's. Fine. LIZ: Yes, he's fine. KYLE: Have they found isabel? MAX: Who's denny ridgely? MICHAEL: They're gone! LIZ: Max, his wife has been putting out missing persons posters all over town. MICHAEL: Come on! They're gone. LIZ: I personally think that kivar has like taken him over. It's gotta be a possession thing. Oh, my god, and one more thing. Your father, he's been going around town asking questions. MAX: About what? LIZ: About you and tess. MAX: Find out what he's after. I gotta go. MAX: Kivar's possessing some guy named denny. MICHAEL: So? MAX: So we can't kill him. MICHAEL: Yeah, who says? [SCENE_BREAK] [Isabel returns to the room and opens the door] JESSE: What did you do? ISABEL: Nothing. JESSE: To the door? ISABEL: What-- oh! Um... The front desk. They told me that sometimes it sticks, and you have to- JESSE: were you outside? ISABEL: No. Yes. The maintenance guy was outside. So I had to find him to ask him about the door, and he said that sometimes you just have to lean into it and...And pull back. All at the same time. JESSE: Lean in and... Pull back all at the same time? Is that what you have to do? [Jesse carries Isabel to the bed] JESSE: Now, where were we? [Knock at the door] ISABEL: I'll get it. JESSE: Ignore it ISABEL: Just don't move, just JESSE: Whatever [Isabel goes to the door- some one says "Room Service"- she opens it to see Max and Michael standing there] MAX: Hi. MICHAEL: We're here to kill your boyfriend. JESSE: Who is it? ISABEL: Room service. JESSE: Did you order something? ISABEL: No. It was a mistake. JESSE: Come to bed. ISABEL: I really want a drink. JESSE: What? ISABEL: Yeah. Honey, would you be a fantastic husband and go down to the bar and get me one of those, um... Fruity, pineappley umbrella drinks? JESSE: What? Come on! ISABEL: All that running around made me thirsty. JESSE: Well, tell the room service guy. ISABEL: He's gone. JESSE: What's going on? ISABEL: I'm nervous. I need to relax. JESSE: We have champagne. ISABEL: Yeah, but I'm really in the mood for one of those- JESSE: fruity, pineappley umbrella drinks. ISABEL: Yes. Please? Thanks, honey. [Isabel hurries Jesse out the door- Max and Michael come in] ISABEL: What are you guys doing here? MICHAEL: Taking care of your problem. MAX: Why didn't you tell us before you left? ISABEL: Well, I didn't expect him to follow me here. MICHAEL: He sure as hell doesn't have the hots for us, now, does he? ISABEL: You can't kill him. MAX: We know. MICHAEL: We're going to. MICHAEL: . Kivar possessed some idiot. ISABEL: Who? MICHAEL: I don't care. It doesn't matter. He's dead. ISABEL: Look, I really think you guys should go. Because I've got this totally under control. I'm gonna get rid of him. MICHAEL: Yeah. You're gonna give him what he wants. ISABEL: What? MICHAEL: You're gonna ride his handlebars all the way back to Antar, aren't you? MAX: We saw you. MICHAEL: By the gazebo. ISABEL: Why is this happening to me? Oh, I'm married! I love Jesse! I love him! MAX: I know. ISABEL: But I love Kivar. MAX: No... No, you don't. ISABEL: Vilandra does. She wants control. She wants to go back. MAX: She's gone. ISABEL: She's not! I wish she was! I hate her! I hate what she did! But she isn't gone, max! She's still inside of me! MAX: Listen to me. Isabel! Listen. This is what we're gonna do. You are gonna stay here in this room with your husband. We're gonna find Kivar. ISABEL: No! No, max. You're not going without me. What if something goes wrong and you need me there? MICHAEL: Is this some kind of closure thing? ISABEL: Yes. Yes. I need to get over him. I need to conquer this now! MAX: All right. Ok. Ok. You stay here. We'll wait outside just in case he comes looking. If he doesn't, you leave here at dawn. Get away from Jesse. We'll be right behind you, out of sight. You find Kivar... Take him someplace secluded. We'll get Kivar out of Ridgeley somehow. ISABEL: Then what? MICHAEL: I'm gonna get a t-shirt printed up. We're gonna kill him, Isabel! MAX: He's after you now, but we're unfinished business. Do you understand? It's either him or us. Isabel. ISABEL: Yes. Ok. [Knock on door] JESSE: It's me. ISABEL: That was fast. JESSE: I'm motivated. ISABEL: Thanks, honey. Ok. Um... I'll be right there. I'll be right there. [Max and Michael sneak out as Jesse goes into the bedroom] JESSE: Are you alright? [clears throat loudly] ISABEL: just...Listen to me for a second. Don't say anything. Just... Let me get this out. I'm not who you think I am. I'm from another planet. [Chuckles] JESSE: you mean, like, men are from mars, women are from Venus? I'm from Antar. I'm an alien. [Chuckles] JESSE: sure. Ok. [Isabel uses her powers to melt a candle] JESSE: How did you do that? ISABEL: Max, Michael. JESSE: W-what is this? ISABEL: We're all aliens. Our ship crashed in Roswell over 50 years ago. It wasn't a hoax. It was a government cover-up. We're hybrids. Alien-human dna. We crawled out of our secret... Pod chamber about 12 years ago into the desert. And nobody knows. Not even our parents. MICHAEL: Some people know, like his girlfriend. MAX: And his. ISABEL: And now you. JESSE: This is some weird family practical joke, right? MICHAEL: Constantly. MAX: You know when Liz and I robbed that convenience store? We were after an alien spaceship hidden in the basement. ISABEL: See, he got this girl pregnant. She's alien, too, and now he's got this kid out there. MAX: Somewhere. And i needed a ship to track him down. MICHAEL: Out there. JESSE: You're not kidding! ISABEL: No. But, honey, look, it doesn't mean that we can't have a perfectly normal, healthy, happy marriage. JESSE: R-righ right... Right. Sure. Help! Help! Let me outta here! I gotta get outta here! Help! [Glass shatters as Jesse breaks the door- Isabel leans back- this was just her imagination] [sighs] JESSE: are you all right? What's going on? ISABEL: You know that oyster appetizer? I think you're right. It wasn't such a good idea. JESSE: Are you sick? ISABEL: I think so. JESSE: So you won't be wanting this drink, then, right? ISABEL: No. JESSE: Oh. Well, that's a shame. [Back in Roswell, Mr. Parker calls Mr. Evans as Liz eavesdrops] Mr Parker: Hi, Philip. It's Jeff. Look, I'm sorry to call you so late, but, um... [Chuckles] Mr Parker: yeah. Look, Phil, there are some things that I remember. Yeah. Where do you want to get together? Ok. Your-- your office tomorrow. Yeah. Sure. [The next morning on the honeymoon, Isabel leaves the room with Jesse asleep- he wakes up to find her gone- she walks past Max and Michael without speaking] JESSE: Isabel! Isabel? MAX: Let's go. MICHAEL: Come on. [Jesse is looking for Isabel and sees Max and Michael hiding] JESSE: Max? What the hell are you doing' here? MAX: Jesse. JESSE: I--I said, what are you doing here? MICHAEL: Vacation. JESSE: What? MAX: Yeah. Isabel did such a good job describing the place, and we had some free time, so... JESSE: Hey, look, cut the crap. What's going on? MAX: We gotta go. JESSE: Where? Where? MICHAEL: Scuba lessons. JESSE: Scuba lessons? JESSE: Where's Isabel?! MICHAEL: She's your wife. MAX: Yeah, and when you find her, say hi. We gotta go. JESSE: Yeah, w-- what's going on?! MAX: Michael. MICHAEL: On it. [Michael uses his power to pull a whellbarrow in front of Jesse] JESSE: Aaahh! [Isabel meets Kivar] [Gasps] KIVAR: have you made up your mind? ISABEL: Yes. I'm coming with you. KIVAR: Good. Let's go home. MAX: This way. MICHAEL: Wait. Wait. Get down. [Max and Michael see Kivar kissing Isabel] MICHAEL: Is that part of the plan? MAX: I don't think so. KIVAR: What's wrong? Tell me. [Isabel flashes back to the dreams] ISABEL: Max and Michael are here. They're gonna kill you. KIVAR: Where? [Isabel's eyes turn black, and flash blue- she raises her hand and uses her powers to turn the wall hiding Michael and Max into dust.] MICHAEL: Thanks, Isabel. ISABEL: Vilandra. KIVAR: Well, Zan, it's been a long time. I wondered about this moment when our paths would cross again. MAX: We are not letting you take Isabel. KIVAR: I'm not taking anyone anywhere, am I? MAX: Isabel, let go of his hand. MICHAEL: Isabel! ISABEL: Let us leave. Please. KIVAR: Don't make her kill ya again. It would feel redundant. MAX: She wouldn't. KIVAR: She did before. MICHAEL: No, she didn't. I remember something. You led Kivar into the city with his men, but he convinced you that he wanted peace. He said he wasn't gonna kill anybody, that he was there to call a truce. And once you helped him gain access, he killed all of us. You didn't kill us, Isabel. He did. He betrayed you. [Kivar raises his hand and Max and Michael go flying backwards] KIVAR: No more troubles, ok? I promise. Are you ready? ISABEL: Yes. Let's go home. [Jesse comes up as Kivar is using his power to open a portal to Antar] JESSE: Get your hands off my wife! JESSE: What is this? ISABEL: You have to go. JESSE: What's wrong with your eyes? Did he do something to you? Isabel... Tell me what happened. Please talk to me. Isabel, I love you. Please talk to me. I'm sorry, Jesse. [Isabel uses her power to pull down a tree branch which knocks Jesse out] ISABEL: If we're gonna go, we have to go now. MAX: Isabel, nooooo! ISABEL: You come back... I'll kill you myself. [Isabel pushes Kivar into the portal- Denny falls out, and Kivar is now gone] DENNY: What happened... MAX: Get him outta here. MICHAEL: You ok? Hey, whatever your name is. DENNY: I think so. Where am I? La Jolla. Come on, you need to call your wife. DENNY: How'd I get in California? MICHAEL: I don't know. Maybe you were kidnapped by aliens or something. Come on. MAX: What happened? ISABEL: He saved me. He took on Kivar all by himself, and then i... Knocked him out. MAX: What did he see? ISABEL: Everything. MAX: Well, that could be a problem. [Back in Roswell, Liz watches as her father goes to meet Mr. Evans] JESSE: Isabel? ISABEL: I'm here. I'm right here. JESSE: What happened? JESSE: W-where's that son of a bitch? Was he... ISABEL: A very dangerous man. JESSE: I--i think he drugged us... Because I got sick... Did he... ISABEL: I'm fine. What else do you remember? JESSE: We were in the room... And we danced. And he made a pass at you, right? Yeah. And then... H-how'd we get back here? ISABEL: You walked. I helped. JESSE: Before that. ISABEL: There was a fight. He hit you... And hit him back, hard. And he ran off. You rescued me. [Laughs] JESSE: wow. ISABEL: Do you remember that this is our honeymoon? JESSE: Yes. ISABEL: Do you wanna do something about that? JESSE: You mean, we haven't... ISABEL: Not yet. [Laughs] JESSE: well, what are we waiting for? JESSE: Wait. Uh-- max and Michael. ISABEL: What about them? JESSE: Are they here? ISABEL: No. Don't be ridiculous. JESSE: But I-- jesse. Honeymoon. Focus. Focus. MICHAEL: Let's go scuba diving. MAX: Are you serious? MICHAEL: When else? MAX: You gotta seize the moment, Maxwell. MAX: I've gotta get back home. MICHAEL: There'll be plenty of time for your intense brooding moments with Liz later. MAX: We were just almost obliterated by an alien killer. MICHAEL: Which is why we need to chill. MAX: Chill? MICHAEL: Exactly. Chill. See some stingrays. MAX: You're really serious about this. MICHAEL: Yeah. [Back in Roswell, Mr. Parker and Mr. Evans finish up their meeting] Mr Parker: So, Philip, what do you wanna do about it? Mr Evans: Keep my eyes open, and, uh... Ask you to do the same. Mr Parker: Ok. What are we looking for? Mr Evans: I don't know. I just hope I recognize it when I see it. [Liz has been hiding in the closet- she comes out, and pulls up the cork board- it is covered with notes about all of the teens and their conspiracy] [Back on the honeymoon, Isabel and Jesse are relaxing] JESSE: Wow ISABEL: Are you ok? JESSE: Yeah ISABEL: Are you sure? JESSE: I've got only 3 words for you ISABEL: yeah? JESSE: That was different	Plan: A: their idyllic wedding; Q: What event did Isabel and Jesse have that led to their honeymoon being stalked? A: their home planet; Q: Where does Kivar want to take Isabel? A: intent; Q: What did Max and Michael arrive with to destroy the alien? A: Liz's dad; Q: Who is Philip involving in his investigation of Max? Summary: After their idyllic wedding, Isabel and Jesse are stalked on their honeymoon by her alien lover Kivar who plots to take her back to their home planet. Learning of this, Max and Michael arrive intent on destroying the alien. Meanwhile, Liz and Maria discover that Philip has begun a secret investigation of Max, including the disappearance of Tess, and he's embroiling Liz's dad into the whole thing.
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Wow. What'd you do? Spend the night sake-bombing? KATE: It's a cold, Tony. Sake-bombing? TONY: Oh, come on, Kate. Don't tell me you've never heard of sake-bombing? KATE: Would I ask if - forget it. I don't want to know. TONY: You take a cup of hot sake. You drop it in a beer. You toss it back and - and KA-BOOM! KATE: Sake-bombing. TONY: Great for a cold. KATE: I'll stick to honey and hot tea, thanks. TONY: McGee, Kate's never been sake-bombing. MCGEE: You know, I don't think I have either. TONY: I work with a pair of wnkrs. GIBBS: And you make three, DiNozzo. TONY: Good morning, Boss! KATE: Good morning. GIBBS: Cold or flu? KATE: Just plain cold. Don't worry. I will sneeze into my tissues, unlike some people. TONY: I have allergies, Kate. GIBBS: Never had allergies. Never had a cold. KATE: You never had a cold? GIBBS: Nope. Never had the flu either. KATE: Why do I believe that? TONY: If you were a bug, would you attack Gibbs? MCGEE: I get colds all the time. TONY: Of course you do, Probie. MCGEE: This one is just addressed to "NCIS Special Agent." TONY: I think that's mine, McGee. Huh? MCGEE: How do you know? TONY: I recognize the lips. And the scent. KATE: Gummy Bears?(TONY OPENS THE ENVELOPE AND BLOWS) (FADE OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES / CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: GIBBS WHISTLES) GIBBS: We've opened a letter with white powder. Use the southeast corridor to the holding room. You all know the drill. KATE: Tony! (INTO PHONE) Letter opened in Special Agent Gibbs's office dispersed a fine white powder. Initiating bio-attack procedures. Third floor is evacuating. GIBBS: McGee, are you up on procedures? MCGEE: Yeah, we shower, burn our clothes, get our blood tested. Nobody leaves the building until the substance is identified except... TONY: Lucky me! I win a free trip to Bethesda to be pricked like a pin cushion. KATE: They've shut down the air. Let's hit the showers, Tony! TONY: Thought you'd never ask. Sorry, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHOWERS - DAY SOUND OF WATER OVER DIALOGUE TONY: Who would send me a letter with anthrax? KATE: Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl. TONY: It's not funny, Kate. KATE: Yeah, I know. TONY: This is serious. KATE: I know, Tony. I'm sorry. TONY: This very instant somebody is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt, and my Gucci shoes! MCGEE: You know, it might not be anthrax. TONY: I like the sound of that, Probie. MCGEE: It could be small pox, bubonic plague, cholera... TONY: Probie! MCGEE: Foot powder, face powder, talcum powder. TONY: Honey Dust! MCGEE: Honey Dust? TONY: Honey Dust. I give it to girls - women, sorry, Kate. I give it to women at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather. KATE: You don't use the whole chicken? MCGEE: I never heard of Honey Dust. KATE: Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee. GIBBS: It makes a women's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey. (V.O.) Got a box of Honey Dust last Christmas. No card. TONY: Ah, I think the post office screwed up, Boss. Someone else got your bottle of Jack and you got the-- KATE: Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail? MCGEE: Yeah, that's right. All Federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility in Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, it dies. TONY: The diseases that you named, they have DNA? MCGEE: They do. KATE: Ah, you should have let him squirm. TONY: Ha ha! Then it's no worries. GIBBS: Unless the post office screwed up again.(SHOWER OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MEN IN SUITS/ CLEAN AND VACUUM) (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY GIBBS: You should have given the letter to me, McGee. MCGEE: I know, Boss. KATE: It's not McGee's fault. Tony snatched it out of his hand. TONY: So now it's my bad? MCGEE: You did grab it, Tony. TONY: Lame excuse, Probie. You should have stopped me. DUCKY: Where do you think you're going? GIBBS: To find out who sent the letter. DUCKY: Ah ah ah ah ah. You cannot leave autopsy. It's negative pressure so airborne pathogens can't contaminate the rest of the building. GIBBS: Ducky, I have been scrubbed, sanitized, for all I know, sterilized! I have an investigation to open! DUCKY: I have a possible contagion to contain. Until your blood test clears you, I cannot permit you to leave this room. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) PARAMEDIC: Who opened the envelope? TONY: He did. MCGEE: No no no! It wasn't me! TONY: Just kidding. I'm your pin cushion. PARAMEDIC: Did you inhale any powder? TONY: I might have. DUCKY: We took blood. Jimmy? JIMMY: Yeah. Four blood vials on ice to go. (KATE SNEEZES) KATE: It's a cold. I had it before I came in this morning. DUCKY: Which makes you even more susceptible to airborne pathogens. You should go in the hospital, too. KATE: Oh, no! GIBBS: Kate, play it safe. Go with Tony. KATE: That's safe? How long are we going to have to stay in isolation? PARAMEDIC: At least overnight. TONY: Can we have double beds because I hate it when you get that crease when you push the two-- (GIBBS WHACKS TONY) TONY: If I get anthrax, how will you feel? GIBBS: Not as bad as you, DiNozzo. PARAMEDIC: Let's go. KATE: I'm warning you, DiNozzo. TONY: Yeah? KATE: I do not feel well. TONY: You need to relax. You need a foot massage. KATE: I don't want you anywhere near my feet. I don't want you touching my feet. TONY: You don't feel well and-- (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ ABBY SAMPLES THE ENVELOPE AND PERFORMS TESTS) ABBY: So how long to Atlanta? LIEUTENANT: Less than an hour. Your music's sweet. ABBY: So are you. Hoo! Talk to Mama. GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) I didn't take you for the cheerleader type, Abby. ABBY: Oh, I'm not. Grammy taught me that.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) She was an Olympic swimmer. Won the Silver in the two hundred meter butterfly. (SCENE CUT) JIMMY: What does swimming have to do... (SCENE CUT) JIMMY: (ON MONITOR) ...with cartwheeling? ABBY: Nothing. (SCENE CUT) JIMMY: I don't understand. MCGEE: You can't think logically with Abby. Her mind operates like a pachinko machine. GIBBS: What was the powder, Abby? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: White. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) With a hint of tan. GIBBS: Abs! ABBY: (ON MONITOR) Well, it's all I know until my baby speaks to me. I'm auto-sampling for anthrax, botulism... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: .... Plague, cholera, all those nasty little bio-buggers. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: How long? ABBY: (ON MONITOR) A couple hours. GIBBS: I thought you said these tests were fast. ABBY: (ON MONITOR) It's not a pregnancy test, Gibbs. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION HALLWAY - DAY TONY: You should drink more water. KATE: Tony. TONY: Your urine's too dark. KATE: I have a cold. I can't believe you're commenting on my - eeugh! DOCTOR PITT: Neither can I. Doctor Brad Pitt. Yes, it's my real name and no we're not related. I wish we were. I'd love to meet Angelina Jolie. (KATE LAUGHS) TONY: If I said what he said you would... elbow me. (TONY/ KATE AND PITT WALK TO THE ISOLATION CUBE) DOCTOR PITT: Well, it's not The Four Seasons, but let's hope you're not here long. (SFX: WHOOSH) KATE: Negative pressure? DOCTOR PITT: Mm-hmm. Air can flow in, but not out. I'd like you to meet Lieutenant Emma Ingham, your duty nurse for tonight. EMMA: Hi, guys. How are you? DOCTOR PITT: As a precaution, I'm starting your prophylaxis with streptomycin. KATE: Prophylaxis is a measure taken for the prevention of disease, Tony. TONY: That's why I use them. (SFX: EMMA LAUGHS) KATE: Oh, you don't want to encourage him, Lieutenant. EMMA: Sorry. Um... take any beds you want, you guys. TONY: Thank you, Nurse Emma. DOCTOR PITT: But it's prudent to keep some separation in case one of you has been infected. KATE: Thank you, Doctor! DOCTOR PITT: Brad. We're informal here. KATE: Kate. TONY: Are these things sunlamps, Brad? DOCTOR PITT: U.V. Kills the bacteria in the air, although I can arrange for a sunlamp if you wish. TONY: Oh, not for me. It's for Kate. KATE: What? TONY: Yeah, a little nude sunbathing might get rid of those tan lines. KATE: Doctor, could you put him to sleep, please? TONY: 'Bye Nurse Emma. EMMA: Bye. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: (V.O.) Swak? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY ABBY: It's sealed with a kiss, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) Didn't you ever get a love letter? GIBBS: Does a Dear John count? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: Ah. I feel sorry for you, Gibbs. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Is there a return address? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: Twenty seven Old Mill Bottom Road... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) Annapolis, Maryland. GIBBS: McGee, you got that? MCGEE: Got it. I just wish I had my PDA. GIBBS: Use Ducky's. JIMMY: Uh... uh... Agent Gibbs, Sir, Doctor Mallard doesn't have... GIBBS: Requisition replacement cell phones and weapons for my team. Go! JIMMY: Pistols? GIBBS: Well no, Palmer. Crossbows if you think they might work better. (TO ABBY) Cancelled stamp? ABBY: (ON MONITOR) Noon yesterday, Annapolis. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) Open it! ABBY: Normally I'd request a please, but... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) ...Considering the situation. MCGEE: Boss, I can't find Ducky's PDA. GIBBS: McGee, it's a pad and a pencil!(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INNER LAB - DAY DUCKY: Oh, beautiful calligraphy. ABBY: Beautiful paper. It must be thirty two pound cotton rag. GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) Abby, does that mean you can trace it? ABBY: The water mark will tell me where it was made... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) ... When it was made, and who sold it. The person that sent this... may as well have signed it. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: You know, there was a time when every young woman of breeding was taught calligraphy. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (ON MONITOR) My mother still tries, but her hand shakes so that... (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: ...Even I can't read all her missives. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Can you read this missive, Ducky? (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: Oh, yes. It's perfectly legible. ABBY: Um... I think he means read it out loud. DUCKY: Oh, sorry. Of course. Uh...(READS) "If you are reading this and have not initiated biological attack procedures, I suggest you do so immediately." (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (ON MONITOR) "Since the powder dispersed by opening this envelope contains genetically altered..." (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: "...Y. pestis. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Which is Latin for what? (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: Plague! (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY GIBBS: The powder in that envelope carries bubonic plague? (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: Pneumonic is more likely. GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) There's more than one? DUCKY: Oh, there are three, actually. But pneumonic is by far the most dangerous since it can be spread simply by breathing the Y. pestis particles. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Tony must have breathed in some of them. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: It may not be alive. Y. pestis needs a host or moisture for it to survive more than a few hours. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: Plus it was irradiated when it went through the mail, Boss. GIBBS: I got a Honey Dust for Christmas, McGee. ABBY: (ON MONITOR) I'll narrow my test to pneumonic Y. pestis. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: If I can isolate the strain, then Bethesda can hit it with a specific antibiotic. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: Yeah, well that may not help. It says here, "I have genetically altered the Y. pestis to render it impervious to antimicrobials. ABBY: That bitch! She created a strain that... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR)... Antibiotics can't whack. GIBBS: Ducky, give Bethesda a heads up. DUCKY: (ON MONITOR) Right. GIBBS: A swak does not mean that this bitch couldn't be a bstrd! (SCENE CUT) ABBY: You're so right, Gibbs. I have this friend who's a transvestite. Her lips could outswak Angelina Jolie's. Remember, McGee? You met her at my birthday party. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: Yeah, the low-cut red dress with a built-in plastic-- (GIBBS WHACKS MCGEE) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: I saw that, Gibbs. GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) Read, or you'll feel it. ABBY: Not while you're down there. GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) What?! ABBY: However, there is an antidote. She made a magic bullet. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) "Which if administered within thirty two hours of infection, will eradicate the disease." (SCENE CUT) ABBY: "To procure the antidote, NCIS must make public the true results reported in... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (READS ON MONITOR) ... "Dossier R-Zero Three Seven Seven. GIBBS: McGee, pull up the file. MCGEE: Yep, Romeo Zero Three Seven Seven. On it, Boss. GIBBS: Is that it? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: That's all she wrote. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) It's guilded inside. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: I can see the swak through - uh-oh. We have a moisture strip in here. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Yeah, keeping the bug alive until the letter is opened. ABBY: (ON MONITOR) I'm afraid so, Gibbs. GIBBS: Check the cancelled stamp, Abs! (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) One way to get around postal irradiation - to not use the post office. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: I spoke with a Doctor Brad Pitt. ABBY: You're kidding. DUCKY: No, that's his name. He made a point to stress that he is not related in any way to the actor. ABBY: Hey, did you hear when Brad and Jen split up? GIBBS: (ON MONITOR) Abby! ABBY: Gibbs, I can't until I can put this under a microscope. And I can't do that until NCID gives me approval to irradiate. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Okay, which will be when? ABBY: (ON MONITOR) The Navy is sending a sample to Atlanta. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: It should be there... well, now. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (ON MONITOR) And then it'll be twelve hours for DNA confirmation. GIBBS: Ducky, what's the incubation period? DUCKY: (ON MONITOR) A day at most. GIBBS: How long until it kills? DUCKY: (ON MONITOR) Well, not very long, I'm afraid. In the fourteenth century, the novelist Boccaccio wrote... (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: ... That plague victims had lunch with their friends and dinner with their ancestors in paradise. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: McGee, where's the file? MCGEE: Boss, I cannot access it from-- GIBBS: Ducky! We're coming up! (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: We've already been through this, Gibbs! You can't! (END INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM (SFX: TONY SNAPS HIS FINGERS) TONY: You know what this feels like? KATE: I'm afraid to ask. TONY: Like I'm the king of cool. KATE: Elvis? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: (FILTERED) Elvis was the king of rock and roll. Travolta is the king of cool. (EMMA GIGGLES) KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Well thanks for the clarification. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM TONY: And do you know why I feel like Travolta? KATE: I feel a movie coming on. TONY: The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. Travolta plays this boy born with an immune deficiency. This is before AIDS. He lives in this giant plastic bubble. KATE: Tony. Tony, please. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KATE: (FILTERED) We're stuck here together. Can we just make a pact? Until we're out... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM KATE: I won't make fun of all the stupid things you say and you won't tell me any more film scenarios. Deal? TONY: Deal. KATE: Thank you. TONY: Emma. EMMA: (FILTERED) Yes? TONY: You may find this of interest. You look pretty without the mask, by the way. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Ralph Bellamy plays the doctor. Ralph Bellomy was this... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM TONY: ... Great old time actor. He was in "His Girl Friday" with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY DUCKY: I cannot believe that Gibbs broke protocol! (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: He didn't. DUCKY: He left autopsy. ABBY: But not isolation. GIBBS: McGee, MCGEE: Yeah. GIBBS: You use Abby's computer to access that case file! MCGEE: On it. GIBBS: Okay. Abby, pull surveillance videos from the squad room. Everything from twenty three hundred last night when I left until McGee came in this morning. ABBY: You've got to get a life, Gibbs. GIBBS: The last thing I need is another wife. ABBY: Life. You've got to get a life. MCGEE: Boss! Boss, I found the file. It's a rape case. GIBBS: Get the investigating agent down here. MCGEE: I can't. It was Pacci. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK OF PACCI'S DEATH) GIBBS: Put it up on the plasma, McGee! MCGEE: Okay! GIBBS: Sarah Lowell. Age twenty one. Senior, Vassar. Raped February tenth, oh-one at the Admiral's Bay Hotel in Annapolis. DUCKY: Surely you remember the case, Jethro. The maid found the poor girl naked, tied to the bed two days after she was raped. GIBBS: Duck, contact Cassie Yates in Norfolk. Tell her what happened. I need her help. DUCKY: Yeah, good idea. ABBY: Gibbs! I thought Cassie was working narcotics suppression. GIBBS: Four years ago Cassie was Pacci's probie. ABBY: Oh. GIBBS: The victim was visiting Annapolis to register for an advanced study program at Saint John's. Police had the case for three days before they called us in. ABBY: They found a Navy suspect? GIBBS: A dozen of them. Firsties were partying at the hotel the night of the assault. ABBY: Firsties? GIBBS: Academy seniors. They'd just got their fleet assignments and... are you scanning? ABBY: Gibbs, I can multitask! I can listen to you. I can scan the video. I can rub my tummy and... GIBBS: DNA testing cleared them, closed our investigation. ABBY: But someone wants it reopened. GIBBS: McGee! Call Annapolis P.D. I want their file on this case. DUCKY: I spoke to Cassie. She remembers the case. She'll be here in fifteen minutes. GIBBS: From Norfolk? DUCKY: No, Anacostia. She's working a drug sting. MCGEE: Boss. Boss, I can't call. They're not going to be able to hear me. (BEAT) I'm going to use the computer. ABBY: Gibbs! Look who else doesn't have a life. Tony came back around midnight. GIBBS: He does his best work at night. ABBY: So he tells us. Here's Tony leaving. That's Ben the mailboy. He didn't do it. GIBBS: Why not? ABBY: He's a Vegan. GIBBS: Hitler was a Vegan. ABBY: Hitler was a vegetarian. Big difference. Vegans are so against cruelty they won't even use cosmetics tested on animals. DUCKY: Abigail, could Y. pestis be altered to withstand irradiation? ABBY: No way. Altered or not, it's still a living organism. GIBBS: Could the gilding in the envelope protect it? ABBY: It would have to be at least ten mils thick. This is barely one. Uh-oh. GIBBS: Abby, I do not want to hear any more uh-ohs. ABBY: Sorry. But this swak didn't bleed through. There's another one inside. GIBBS: Get that letter out here where you can examine it! ABBY: Gibbs, I've told you! I have to wait for Atlanta to-- GIBBS: Any doubt it's pneumonic plague? ABBY: No, but... GIBBS: Then no "buts"! Okay? We're losing time. Kill those bugs! Now! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - NIGHT TONY: Think they really zap bugs? KATE: What? TONY: These blue lights. KATE: Are you serious? TONY: Ever heard of a placebo, Kate? KATE: Tony, placebos are administered for a psychological effect. TONY: Precisely. How do you know these lamps aren't there to make us think they're helping? Hmm? KATE: Maybe because they're there to kill whatever bugs we breathe into the air. TONY: You may have a point. KATE: You're afraid, aren't you? TONY: Kate, come on. Me? Afraid? Have you ever seen me afraid? KATE: Well, not when the danger is something that we can confront. But all we can do here is lie around and hope that we're not infected. TONY: Now who's afraid? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT KATE: (FILTERED) Anyone with half a brain. I take that back. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - NIGHT KATE: You're not afraid. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT DOCTOR PITT: All the blood cultures came back negative except for Special Agent DiNozzo's. (V.O.) He's infected with Y. pestis. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAMERA PANS AROUND THE SQUAD ROOM) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB GIBBS: Damn it, Abby! How much longer? ABBY: Gibbs! Patience is not your virtue, is it? Look at the plasma. GIBBS: Moldy bread. ABBY: It's a Y. pestis microbe from the powder in the letter. This is the Y. pestis as the human race has known it for a half a millennium. The strain of plague we fight with antibiotics. GIBBS: The one in the letter has blue tips. ABBY: It's been genetically altered to resist antibiotics. You catch that, you're stuck in the Dark Ages, which personally I wouldn't mind until it killed me. GIBBS: This wasn't whipped up in your local meth house. ABBY: No, this took a hot molecular biologist and a big-buck lab to make this bio-weapon. Oh, my baby's calling. I ran a mass spec on the swak. GIBBS: You're analyzing lipstick instead of the letter? ABBY: Well, I figured anyone who's into calligraphy has got to wear esoteric lipstick. And since all lipsticks are tested by the FDA... GIBBS: You'll identify the brand. ABBY: Yeah. If it's as rare as I think it is, I can find out who sold it. GIBBS: Yeah, that's good thinking, Abs. ABBY: What? GIBBS: (LOUDER) Good thinking, Abby! ABBY: I don't know, Gibbs! I can't hear you! It must be the helmet head! Not nice, Gibbs. Not nice. This is weird. All the basics are there - wax, oil, eosin dye, titanium dioxide, but they're in such low levels...(SFX: GIBBS SHOUTS) (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) ABBY: Whoa! GIBBS: What is that?! ABBY: The reason the Y. pestis survived postal irradiation. Seventy two percent of the lipstick is pure lead. A lead swak on the outside of the envelope. Lead swak in the inside. In between Y. pestis on a moisture pad. This is one smart bitch. CASSIE: Wash your mouth out with purple soap. ABBY: Cassie! Wow, are you suppressing drugs or selling them? CASSIE: I'm working undercover. Everything I'm wearing is confiscated even the La Perla underwear. ABBY: Nice. CASSIE: Gibbs! Is that you playing Tella Tubby? Is this the anthrax letter? ABBY: No, it's not anthrax. It's plague. CASSIE: Thank god. Anthrax scares the hell out of me. May I? ABBY: Yeah. CASSIE: I know this return address. ABBY: Back-tracked it to the Admiral's Bay Hotel, Annapolis, where the girl was raped. DUCKY: Gibbs! Gibbs, all the blood tests came back negative except-- GIBBS: Tony. Get it off --!(GIBBS TEARS HIS SUIT OFF) GIBBS: Is he sick yet? DUCKY: Well, not outwardly. But the doctor says his temperature is elevating. They Y. pestis is attacking his pulmonary system. Hi, Cassie. CASSIE: Hey Ducky. How far are we into this thirty-two hour window? DUCKY: Too far. Tony will begin coughing soon. When his sputum becomes bloody, he'll only have a few hours to live. GIBBS: Abby, get that damn letter out of there! ABBY: I'm getting it. CASSIE: This is too easy, Gibbs. Custom paper and calligraphy that's traceable. A gene-altering bio-attack. GIBBS: Do you know who sent it? CASSIE: No, but I know who they want us to think sent it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - NIGHT TONY: Bedtime snack, Brad? DOCTOR PITT: Oh, IV drip increases the efficacy of streptomycin. TONY: They teach you efficacy at Harvard Medical? DOCTOR PITT: Michigan. TONY: Can't be. It's too weird. DOCTOR PITT: What, are you a Wolverine, too? TONY: Buckeye! DOCTOR PITT: Wait, you're that DiNozzo? TONY: Yeah. DOCTOR PITT: Ninety-two. Columbus! TONY: We kissed our sisters. DOCTOR PITT: Thirteen-thirteen tie. You broke your leg in the fourth quarter. TONY: You broke my leg in the fourth quarter. (CAMERA ANGLE ON KATE) KATE: Oh, god. They're going to start bonging beers next. EMMA: I don't think so. KATE: Oh, you don't know Tony. He epitomizes sophomoric. EMMA: His blood test came back positive. KATE: Positive? EMMA: You're okay. He's the only one infected. DOCTOR PITT: (V.O.) So you didn't feel like an old man on spring break? TONY: Are you kidding? Co-eds love a mature man who can bong a beer in under six seconds. (LAUGHTER) DOCTOR PITT: Well that leaves me out. TONY: So tell me, Doc. What have I got? DOCTOR PITT: Pneumonic plague. TONY: Plague? (LONG BEAT) Plague. KATE: Yeah, Tony. Plague! Because only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages! TONY: I didn't put plague in the letter. KATE: You opened it! TONY: Yeah, so I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... KATE: Yeah, that's right, Travolta. I'm infected, too. TONY: Oh, Kate. I'm sorry. KATE: Well, you're going to be sorrier. TONY: No, don't tell me Gibbs got it. KATE: Oh, no, no. Just us. But I am going to make your life hell! TONY: How, it can't be worse than the plague. (BEAT) Maybe it can. (TO DOCTOR PITT) Maybe she can. KATE: I'm warning you, DiNozzo. TONY: You know, I recall a couple of plague flicks. KATE: I'm going to tell Emma all of your dating tricks. TONY: Mmm, Flesh and Blood comes to mind. Paul Verhoeven directed. Rutger Hauer starred. KATE: Tony thinks that speaking Italian turns women on. TONY: Obviously you never saw Jamie Lee Kurtis in A Fish Called Wanda. DOCTOR PITT: Kate... KATE: I know. You want to start my IV. (KATE SNEEZES) TONY: If I catch your cold I'm going to be very pissed. (TO DOCTOR PITT) She'll be okay, right? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INNER LAB - NIGHT (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Hey, McGee. MCGEE: Yeah. GIBBS: Special Agent Yates needs your computer. MCGEE: Cassie! CASSIE: Hey, McGee. Can I sit in? MCGEE: Yeah, sure. Boss, Cassie and I had parking spaces next to each other at Norfolk. GIBBS: Why are you yelling at me, McGee? MCGEE: So you can hear me through your hel - helmet? GIBBS: The blood tests were negative. (MCGEE TAKES HIS SUIT OFF) MCGEE: Ah, sweet. GIBBS: Not for DiNozzo. MCGEE: Positive? Is he going to be okay? GIBBS: If he isn't, he'll be answering to me. (SFX: RAPID COMPUTER BEEP TONES) CASSIE: Almost there. MCGEE: Ah, no. Cassie, I already downloaded the NCIS report from the rape investigation. CASSIE: My notes are in my training file. I was only a probie, but Pacci had me interview Sarah. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. You're a female, about the same age. Easier to talk to you than it is to a male agent. CASSIE: It didn't help. She didn't remember a thing. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - FLASHBACK CASSIE: (V.O.) Traumatic amnesia. Not unusual for rape cases.(BEGIN FLASHBACK SCENES) GIBBS: (V.O.) If she had amnesia, who accused the Midshipman? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY CASSIE: (V.O.) Her mother. Recognize her? DUCKY: (V.O.) Vaguely familiar. CASSIE: (V.O.) How about in this photo? DUCKY: (V.O.) Good god yes. That photo was on every front page in the world. She was more famous than Hanoi Jane. GIBBS: Blow that up. Get closer on the headband. CASSIE: My god, that's a swak! GIBBS: She a microbiologist? CASSIE: No, but the best in the world work for her. Hanna's CEO of Lowell Pharmaceuticals. GIBBS: McGee, I want a search warrant! MCGEE: On it, Boss. GIBBS: I'll grab a change of clothes and will meet you downstairs in five. Go to Bethesda and keep me updated on Tony's condition. DUCKY: Of course. GIBBS: Find out why Kate hasn't checked in! MCGEE: You got it. JIMMY: I got the phones, but they wouldn't trust me with the weapons. GIBBS: I wouldn't either, Jimmy. (GIBBS WALKS TO THE ELEVATOR) JIMMY: Uh, that's Agent DiNozzo's cell phone, Sir. Gibbs? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - NIGHT DOCTOR PITT: Why are you doing this, Kate? KATE: Damned if I know. But I'm doing it. You're not going to tell Tony. DOCTOR PITT: Well, I've already informed Doctor Mallard you're not infected. KATE: Ducky will understand. Gibbs will be the problem. DOCTOR PITT: No. The problem is that Tony can infect you. KATE: What with all the UV lights and air scrubbers, or are they just here for patient morale? DOCTOR PITT: I cannot permit you to stay. This strain has been genetically altered to resist antibiotics. Do you realize what that means? KATE: That the IV in Tony's arm is useless. So why do it? DOCTOR PITT: Well, it can't hurt. And it gives him... KATE: Hope. TONY: Kate, tell Doctor Brad about that wet t-shirt contest you won. KATE: Tell Emma about the transsexual you tongued. TONY: That never happened. (EMMA LAUGHS) TONY: That never happened. (SFX: TONY COUGHS) TONY: Thanks for passing along the cold, Kate. (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. BUILDING LOBBY - DAY CASSIE: How do you want to handle this? GIBBS: Subtle approach. You serve the warrant. I'll shove my Sig in her face. CASSIE: Gibbs, Hanna Lowell has been arrested at more protests than Jesse Jackson. She won't be intimidated. GIBBS: Okay, then I'll shoot her and I'll go after whoever made the damn bug for her. CASSIE: You're not going to kill her. GIBBS: I said shoot, not kill. CASSIE: There are dozens of microbiologists here. It would take days to interrogate them. Tony doesn't have days. GIBBS: Do you know where her office is or should I ask the receptionist? CASSIE: Boss always has the top floor office. GUARD: Excuse me. Excuse me. You have to check-in with the receptionist. Do you have an appointment? GIBBS: No. We have a federal warrant. GUARD: Security alert. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY HANNAH: (V.O.) It's about time you got here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - DAY HANNAH: I left enough cookie crumbs. GIBBS: You left more than cookie crumbs, lady. HANNAH: I regret I resorted to such a dramatic act, but you people at NCIS left me no choice when you lied to protect the Academy. Now, you admit that a Midshipman raped my daughter and this will all be over. CASSIE: The DNA testing cleared... HANNAH: Oh, stop it. I know how easy it is to dope a DNA test. GIBBS: You love dramatic acts. CASSIE: They can be very effective. GIBBS: The effect of this one is going to imprison you for life. CASSIE: That long, hmm? GIBBS: You're dying. CASSIE: Rather rapidly. Which makes incarceration highly unlikely. GIBBS: From the looks of it you want to protect just about every living thing on the planet except for Federal agents. CASSIE: My daughter never recovered from the horror of that weekend. The truth will help her heal. Please! Please, give it to her. You won't get that antidote until that Midshipman comes-- GIBBS: We don't need it. The post office went postal on your plaque. Zapped it right through the lead swak. No one was infected. HANNAH: Oh, I don't believe you. GIBBS: I don't give a damn whether you believe me or not. You are under arrest for a biological attack on a Federal agency. Take her to interrogation. I'll wait here for the task force to arrest the others. CASSIE: You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right... HANNAH: There are no others. I acted alone. GIBBS: You are not a microbiologist. HANNAH: (SHOUTS) I stole the Y. pestis! Doctor Pandy doesn't even know it's missing. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY GIBBS: Doctor Pandy! RECEPTIONIST: What? GIBBS: Where's Doctor Pandy's lab. RECEPTIONIST: North wing, ground floor, B-L-Alpha. But you need authorization to enter the North wing! HANNAH: Someone was infected. I hope it was Westmoreland. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - DAY (SFX: TONY CONTINUES COUGHING) DOCTOR PITT: Lay back, Tony. All right, everybody behind the shield. Tony, I'm going to need you to take a deep breath and hold it. TONY: I don't think I can, Brad. Maybe Emma can do it for me. You have very healthy lungs, Emma. EMMA: Is he always like this? TONY: Unfortunately. Tony's humor has always been sexist, juvenile, raunchy. EMMA: Funny? KATE: Oh, sometimes he can be funny. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BL-ALPHA ROOM - DAY PANDY: There is no antidote. I developed a vaccine, not an antidote. It's of no use once the victim is infected. Hannah misunderstood. GIBBS: She understood. PANDY: No, it's the brain tumor. GIBBS: That's what's killing her? PANDY: It's inoperable, obviously affecting her mind. Why else would a woman who fought to ban biological weapons use them? GIBBS: I don't know. Why is Lowell Pharmaceutical making them? PANDY: We're not. GIBBS: You didn't create this beast? PANDY: Yes! But only to develop a defense against it. Antibiotic resistant diseases are potential terrorist weapons. GIBBS: A terrorist isn't killing my agent, you are! PANDY: I understand your anger. GIBBS: No, you don't! But if you don't save him, you will. PANDY: It has a suicide gene that stops it from replicating after thirty two hours....as a security precaution. GIBBS: It dies? PANDY: Yes. GIBBS: It's dead now? PANDY: If it's over thirty two hours since the specimen has been infected, all of the Y. pestis is dead. However, the damage will have been done. GIBBS: The specimen is going to die?! PANDY: No. No, not necessarily. He has the same chance of survival as those infected in plagues of the past, probably better since he will be healthy and young. GIBBS: What was the survival rate of the past? PANDY: People were weakened by depleted crops, bad nutrition.. GIBBS: Damn it! What was the survival rate?! PANDY: Fifteen percent. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - DAY DUCKY: It looks like pneumonia.(SFX: TONY COUGHS B.G.) DOCTOR PITT: Worse, I'm afraid. He's showing signs of cyanosis. His fingernails and lips are going blue. DUCKY: The Y. pestis is starving his body of oxygen. It's too late to reverse, isn't it? DOCTOR PITT: It's never too late. DUCKY: Until I get the body. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - DAY TONY: I'm sorry I teased you with all those movies, Kate. KATE: Teased? You've tortured me. For two years all I've heard is John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, James Bond. TONY: James Bond... is a character... played by Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, and Pierce Brosnan. Why are you wearing a mask?(SFX: TONY COUGHS) KATE: Because I have a cold. TONY: (WEAKLY) Why aren't you sick? KATE: Because I'm stronger than you, Tony. TONY: (WEAKLY) Are not. KATE: Am too. (TONY CHOKES/ GAGS) KATE: Tony! Tony! Sit up! DOCTOR PITT: Kate, you should leave. Now! (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: You were brave to stay with him, Kate.(KATE CRIES) KATE: (CRYING) He's dying, Ducky. GIBBS: Ah, the hell he is! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ISOLATION ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DOCTOR PITT: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the hell are you? GIBBS: His boss. The bug has a suicide gene. It's dead. It's been dead for over an hour. He's no longer infectious. (WHISPERS TO TONY) Tony, listen to me. Are you listening? TONY: (GASPS WEAKLY) I'm listening. I'm listening, Boss. GIBBS: (WHISPERS) You will not die, you got that? (BEAT) I said, you will not die. (GIBBS HITS TONY) TONY: (WHISPERS) Okay, I got you, Boss. GIBBS: (WHISPERS) Good. It's your new cell. I'd get the number changed. Women keep calling for Spankie. TONY: (WHISPERS) Spankie. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY CASSIE: (V.O.) Will you excuse me? (TO GIBBS) How's Tony? GIBBS: Ah, he'll make it. What happened? CASSIE: Oh, Hanna lost it in the car. Started rambling, flashing peace signs. When she bared her breasts and shouted "Make love not war!" I drove straight here. GIBBS: Sure it wasn't an act? CASSIE: Her neurologist says it's the tumor. He just left. He wants her released into his care. GIBBS: Not likely. He can see her here as much as he wants. Is that Sarah? CASSIE: Just as blank as four years ago. (TO SARAH) Sarah, this is Special Agent Gibbs. SARAH: I am so sorry. I can't believe this. I knew someday Mother would do something terrible. I told her, but she wouldn't believe me. GIBBS: Told her? SARAH: That it wasn't a Midshipman. GIBBS: So you remember who assaulted you? SARAH: No! GIBBS: How do you know it wasn't a Midshipman? SARAH: I... heard they were all cleared. GIBBS: Are you sure you don't remember? SARAH: (LONG BEAT) Yes. CASSIE: You know who raped you, don't you, Sarah? (LONG BEAT) Sarah? (SARAH CRIES) SARAH: (CRYING) I wasn't raped. Will thought it was funny... tying me to the bed. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL ROOM - FLASHBACK SARAH: I'd said that the Midshipman looked cute in their uniform. And so when he went out to get us some burgers and shakes, he tied me up so that way I wouldn't run off with one of them. It was a joke! (DIALOGUE OVER MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES) (FILTERED VOICES B.G.) SARAH: And then when he didn't come back... I started going crazy - first worrying about why and then... and then being found. CASSIE: What happened to him? SARAH: He was killed by a hit-and-run driver crossing the road. CASSIE: Why did you say you were raped? SARAH: I was tied naked to a bed. What else could I tell my mother? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT KATE: Can I sleep here? DOCTOR PITT: As long as you don't give Tony that cold. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT EMMA: He's asleep. KATE: Thank you. (SFX: LIGHTS CLICKS OFF) TONY: This reminds me of the end of Alien. (KATE CHUCKLES) (FADE OUT)	Plan: A: the NCIS office; Q: Where does all hell break loose? A: Tony; Q: Who opens a mysterious letter containing a small puff of white powder? A: lockdown; Q: What is the office put into when Tony opens a mysterious letter containing a deadly bacteria? A: Kate; Q: Who is isolated with Tony in the bio-hazard isolation room? A: a bio-hazard isolation room; Q: Where are Kate and Tony put when the office is quarantined? A: Gibbs; Q: Who must find those responsible before he loses one of his agents? A: hazmat suits; Q: What are McGee and Gibbs forced to seal themselves in? A: 32-hour; Q: How long is the time window to get the cure? A: an unsolved rape case; Q: What must NCIS re-investigate in order to get the cure before the time window expires? A: four years earlier; Q: When was the rape case that NCIS must re-investigate? A: all the prime suspects; Q: Who was cleared by DNA in the rape case? A: navy academy seniors; Q: What were the prime suspects in the rape case? A: DNA; Q: What was used to clear the prime suspects in the rape case? A: one person; Q: How many people are infected? Summary: All hell breaks loose at the NCIS office when Tony opens a mysterious letter containing a small puff of white powder which may be a deadly bacteria. The whole office is put into lockdown and quarantined, leaving only the lab and autopsy operational. Kate and Tony are isolated into a bio-hazard isolation room while McGee and Gibbs are forced to seal themselves in hazmat suits to be able to help. The letter inside tells them that there is a cure, but in order get the cure before a 32-hour time window expires, NCIS must re-investigate an unsolved rape case from four years earlier where all the prime suspects (navy academy seniors) were cleared by DNA. As the time window ticks away, and it becomes clear that one person is infected, Gibbs must find those responsible before he loses one of his agents.
[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Joey turns of a video on the TV of a spring break, and Dawson is packing] Joey: Ok, so let me get this straight. Dawson: Oh, no. Why do I feel a quasi-feminist rant coming on? Joey: Shut up. So basically, spring break is hunting season, Florida is the forest, and girls are the target. Dawson: Jo, you're acting as if the girls don't have a choice in the matter. Joey: Oh, sure they do. You know, they could either hook up with the drunk jock from Arizona State or the date-rapist- in-training from the nearest community college. Or they can stay home and study, which, come to think of it, does not sound like such a bad idea. Dawson: Would you just go already? Have fun. You deserve it. Joey: Can't you just skip that big Hollywood meeting and come with us? Dawson: For the umpteenth time, it's not a big Hollywood meeting. We're simply going to New York to meet an agent who is interested in the movie. Make that the only agent who is interested in the movie. Joey: Dawson, it's huge. Everything you've worked for, everything you've ever wanted, it's happening because you made it happen. You did it and I'm very proud of you. Dawson: Well, thank you, but it's not Joey: no! I will not let another self-deprecating word come out of your mouth. You rule. You rock. You are a golden god. Now, accept it. You know who'd really get a kick out of all this? Dawson: Who? Joey: Mitch. Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, he would have. Joey: He would've. He absolutely would have. Dawson: He would have-- he would have talked my ear off about it. He would've had to know the agent. He'd have to know his client list. I'd have to-- he'd probably make me do a practice run with him. Joey: It's weird. Dawson: What's that? Joey: You've had this year, this completely awful year, and yet somehow everything worked out for the best, you know? Dawson: That's one way of looking at it. Joey: You don't think? Dawson: All I know is I came back from L.A. For a reason, a very simple, very specific reason. I feel bad, sometimes-- a lot of times, actually-- for how I made you feel after he died. Joey: I've never held it against you, not for a single second. You did what you had to do to get through it. Yeah. And... Dawson: what? Joey: I don't know. Sometimes I think it's better... when we don't get to touch our dreams. Dawson: Do you really believe that? Joey: I don't know. No. Yes. I spend half the time wondering what might have been and the other half thinking "just as well." Dawson: Do you think we'll ever get it right? Joey: Not in this lifetime. Dawson: How 'bout the next one? Joey: Or the one after that, when we're both cats. Ok, seriously... good luck. Dawson: Thank you. You, too. Have fun, ok? Remember the sun block and bring me back a souvenir. Preferably something of the, you know, "my soul mate went to Florida and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" vibe. Joey: Goodbye. [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's Jeep. Dawson and Oliver are driving along silently when Oliver turns to Dawson.] Are you aware that you haven't said one word in an hour and a half? Dawson: I'm listening to the radio. Oliver: I turned it off 20 minutes ago. Dawson: Oh. Oliver: So what are you thinking about? Or shall I say, "who"? Dawson: Nobody. Oliver: Ok. But if you're not gonna talk to me I may have to sing. Be my guest. [Imitating Elvis] Dawson, we're on the highway we're gonna get a little bit of Dawson: stop. Joey. What was--? I was thinking about Joey. Don't ever do that again, please. Oliver: Interesting. The doe-eyed brunette, hmm? So what's the story on that one? Dawson: It's a very long story. Oliver: Does it look like I'm going anywhere, sport? Dawson: All right. Stop me when you get confused. [Scene: A montage of scenes from Season 1 and Joey and Dawson's strange relationship brewing.] Joey: I just don't think it's a good idea for me to sleep over anymore. Dawson: Come on, you've been sleeping over since you were 7. Joey: I just think our emerging hormones are destined to alter our relationship and I'm trying to limit the fallout. Dawson: We can still remain friends despite any mounting sexual theoretics. Joey: Things change, Dawson. Evolve. [Scene: Cut to scene of Joey sitting alone one the beach. A guy crashed by her as he goes for a Frisbee. She turns as she hears Audrey screaming from behind. She turns and sees Audrey on the deck of her house, and the camera pans over to her.] Audrey: Joey! Up here! Joey! Hey! Hello! Aah! Aah! Ahh! [Pacey comes up from behind her and grabs her and pulls her into the bedroom.] Audrey: [Laughing] Audrey: Hey, scrumptious. I was kinda... in the middle... of doing something. Mmm. Pacey: My god, I love this bed. This bed is bigger than my entire room. Audrey: Yeah, plus, my parents put one of those foamy egg crates underneath, so it's super comfy. Pacey: Your parents are wonderful people. Audrey: Well, I'll tell them you said so. Pacey: You do that. Do your parents even know who I am? Audrey: Do your parents know who I am? Pacey: Nope. Audrey: Well, neither do mine. Pacey: I didn't think so. Audrey: I mean... what would I even tell them about you? Pacey: Well, you could tell them that I'm good in bed. Audrey: That would go over huge. Really, what would you tell your parents about me? Pacey: Nothing. Audrey: Right. Pacey: Right. That's right, right? Audrey: Right. Yes. Obviously. Pacey: Right, 'cause correct me if I'm wrong, but the last thing that parents want to hear about is how much premarital sx their children are having. Audrey: Yeah, especially with some guy who's not even my boyfriend. I mean, officially. Pacey: Exactly. Audrey: Exactly. [They start making out.] [Scene: Outside the patio of Audrey's place. Jack is sitting on top of the roof of the patio when Joey and Jen come out looking for him. HE is talking in his cell phone.] Jack: [on phone] I wish you would have let me know Joey: Found him! Jack: Ok. Bye. Jen: What are you doing up there? [he climbs down] Jack: Nothing. What do you want? Jen: Well, we're gonna pick rooms and we thought that we'd "rock, paper, scissors" for the waterbed suite. Jack: You know what, just-- take whatever you want. All right? I gotta go to the market and get the necessary provisions. Joey: Oh, can you get some yogurt? Jen: Yeah. Jack: Hold on, all right? I said the necessary provisions, all right? That's beer and that's jell-O. That's it. Ok. Jen: If I give you money, would you pick up some cold medicine for me, too? I sort of feel something coming on and I'd really like to nip it in the bud. Jack: Yeah, just gimme the money. [Cell phone rings] [Ring] [Joey answers her cell phone as Jack and Jen go inside] Joey: Hello. Charlie: Hello, gorgeous. Joey: So, I was beginning to worry. You haven't called for 3 hours. Charlie: Oh, so you do like my calling. Joey: What do you want, exactly? Charlie: Nothing, really. Just your address. Joey: No problem. I'm at 359 no-way-in-hell avenue on the corner of get-over-it and main. Charlie: You know, you challenge me, Joey potter. Joey: I thought we agreed to take a break from these incessant phone calls. Charlie: Look, I would be happy to stop calling. Just tell me where you are. Joey: I'm in your dreams, Charlie Todd. Charlie: See, now, wait a second. That sounded suspiciously like flirting to me. Joey: Maybe... and this is what a dial tone sounds like. [She hangs up on him] [Scene: Outside Audrey's place by her pool. Pacey, Jen, Joey and Audrey are all sitting by the pool bored out of their minds.] Pacey: So this is spring break, huh? Audrey: Yup. Pacey: You know, it's funny, it doesn't really look like the brochures. Audrey: Hey, I provided the house. You people were supposed to bring on the fun. We could order some pizzas. Jen: We could rent some movies. Pacey: We could play strip poker. All: No. Pacey: Oh, come on. It's not like I haven't seen you all naked before. Ok, ok. We'll rent movies. [Sneezes] Pacey: Bless you! Jen: Thank you. Jack: Pace. Pacey: Thank you. [A guy comes walking in their direction] Joey: Hey. Why do I know that guy? Who is he? Jen: Oh, my god! Is that Chris Hartford? Pacey: Oh, my god. The movie star I ordered from my teen beat catalog finally got here. I was so worried. [Chris walks right up to them and over to Audrey. Who looks uncomfortable] Chris: Audrey! I was hoping you'd be here. Audrey: Chris. Wow. Jack: Hey. She's hugging a movie star. It's so weird. Audrey: I'm sorry. You guys, this is my friend Chris. Chris, these are all my friends from college. Jack: Hey. Chris: Chris. Jack: Jack. We're not famous. Pacey: How do you guys know each other? Audrey: Well, we went to high school together. We went to the same school. What are you doing here? Chris: Well, MTV's sponsoring this concert at a hotel a couple blocks down. It's this new band, m2m. You guys know 'em? Jen: Yeah! Marit and Marion from Norway. Marit's favorite food is chicken noodle soup, where Marion prefers orange fanta as her drink of choice. [Chuckling] Chris: Anyways, gave me free tickets if you guys want to go. Audrey: Actually, we were just making these plans. All: [Coughing] Audrey: Or, you know, we could go to a big MTV concert, 'cause that's cool, too. Chris: Great. I'll lead the way. Jen: Is it true that you're dating Jennifer Love Hewitt? [They all walk off with him except Joey, Audrey and Pacey.] Pacey: So Audrey: Don't even bother asking, because the answer is no. Pacey: Really? Didn't make the top 5? Audrey: We were friends. God. What do I look like, the whore of Babylon? [] Don't answer that question. Go. I'm gonna wait for Joey. [Pacey goes off after them] Audrey: That's Chris. Joey: Chris as in... Audrey: The one. The one who I think of every time in your eyes comes on the radio. My perfect high school boyfriend who every other boy gets compared to, and who no ones lived up to yet. Yeah, that's him. He's here. Kill me now. Joey: Why--why did you tell Pacey he's just a friend? Audrey: I had to. Pacey and I are on the cusp of figuring out our whole thing, and if he knew that Chris was the love of my young life, it would just get all kinds of confusing. Joey: But lying to him will make it all better. Audrey: Hey, mother Theresa, why don't you go take a smoke break and bring back my good friend Joey. Joey: You're right. I'm sorry. What do you need? Audrey: I need to go throw up. Joey: Oh, no. It'll be ok. Audrey: I'm gonna go change. Joey: Ok. I'll be here. [Cell phone rings and Audrey goes inside] Joey: Hello? Charlie: Joey potter. Joey: You again. Charlie: That's right. Joey: I was starting to feel like we were estranged or something. Charlie: Well, you know, I'm just doing my best to track you down. Joey: How'd you make out? Charlie: Well, not too bad, actually. Joey: Really? [Charlie walks up behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder.] Charlie: No. I'll call you right back. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: In front of the bandstand in the crowd, waiting for the music to start. Pacey is by a very attractive woman who is hitting on him.] Woman: Are you sure you don't want to? Pacey: I appreciate your offer, but I'm here with somebody. Woman: I don't see her next to you right now. Pacey: Occasionally, I have to let her mingle with the people. I'm good that way. Woman: Don't leave. I'll be right back. I have to do something. [The woman walks away] Pacey: Women, right, they just will not take "no" for an answer. I mean, who does she think she is? [He turns around to see the woman is actually Marion from M2M and she is getting starting to sing for the audience.] Marion: Hello, Miami! Pacey: Oh, that's who she is. [Scene: Joey and Charlie walking to the party, and talking.] Joey: So you're a stalker now? Charlie: Uhh, stalker. Come on. That sounds so negative. I prefer to think of myself as doggedly persistent. Joey: Well, you got the dog part right. How did you even find me? Charlie: You know, that's a good question. I'm glad you asked. And I remember you couldn't get enough hey! [Scene: Cut to the party. Audrey is watching the band play alone when Chris comes walking up from behind to join her.] Chris: You look great. Audrey: Ohh! Hey. Come on now. Chris: I'm serious. I've been thinking about you a lot, Audrey. Audrey: You know what? I'm parched. Are you thirsty? Because I think I'm, like, dehydrating. Chris: I'll go get you some water. Audrey: No. No. You stay and you dance to the pretty Norwegians, and I'll be right back. [She turns and walks away, and runs into Pacey who was walking to join her.] Pacey: Hey. Audrey: Hi. Pacey: Are you ok? Audrey: I'm fine. I'M...yeah. [She walks away from him] [Scene: Joey and Charlie still walking together talking] Charlie: Next, I 411 Beverly Hills and got 10 numbers to match the last name Liddell. I go through the numbers and ask if any of these people happen to have a daughter named Audrey Liddell. One of them does. Joey: Only one? What a break. Charlie: I thought so. So I ask where I might be able to locate their daughter, explaining that I am her lab partner and that she has accidentally taken my notes. So they give me the number, and I 411 again... match up the number with the address, and here I am. Impressed? Joey: Incredibly. Especially since Audrey's parents are in Europe right now. Charlie: Ok. Pacey told me. Joey: You asked Pacey about me? After the road trip from hell? Now that's impressive. Charlie: It is? Damn it! You know, I put a lot of work into this story. You know, I even typed it up. Joey: Poor Charlie. Still haven't learned the merits of honesty. Now, if you'll excuse me. Charlie: Where are you going? Joey: As flattered as I am with the typing and all, it doesn't mean I'm gonna hang out with you. Charlie: Ugh! [Scene: The Bathroom at the MTV party. Pacey comes in to see Chris inside there washing his hands, and goes over to the sink to wash his own.] Pacey: Hey, man, thanks again for getting us in here. That was very cool of you. Chris: Oh, I'm glad you're having fun. Pacey: [Chuckles] Chris: So, do you know Audrey really well? Pacey: Yeah, you could say that. Chris: She's great, isn't she? Just funny, beautiful... Pacey: You got a question you want to ask me, or we just gonna dance around all night? Chris: Man. Damn, I'm no good at this. Pacey: So, what? You, like, you had a crush on Audrey in high school or something? Chris: We dated for 2 years. Pacey: You dated for 2 years? Well, damn. I guess that crush worked out for you, then, right? Congratulations. That's--that's great. Chris: Oh, man. I thought you knew, and here I am trying to figure out if you guys are... but it looks like you're not, so, cool. Pacey: Why cool? Chris: I don't know. I'm just remembering how much I love that girl just seeing her again. You know? Pacey: Yeah. No, of course, I understand. Uh, but, look, I'm gonna get back to it, so, see you soon. Chris: All right. [Scene: Charlie hitting on a girl at the MTV party. Joey comes walking up to join him.] Charlie: We did have this A&R guy interested in us for a while, but right now we're just, you know, trying to find our voice. Trying to take the time to develop musically. Girl: Right. Charlie: We don't want to get commercialized too quickly. [Joey joins them] Joey: He's just being modest. Charlie: Excuse me? Joey: He didn't tell you his name, did he? Charlie: Ok, look. I barely even know this girl, so if you could just, you know, go away. Joey: I don't know how many times I've told you to be honest when you're trying to pick up a girl. Don't be ashamed of your success. Girl: What success? [Joey whispers into the girls ear] Girl: Oh, wow. He grew up to be way hotter than I expected. Joey: Right? I mean, you can see it, can't you, now that I've mentioned it? Girl: No, totally. Totally. I see it. Thank god you told me, right? Like I probably would've hooked up with him, and how embarrassing would that have been? Later. Joey: Keep in touch, Hillary. [the girl leaves] Charlie: So, would you mind telling me what it was that you said to that woman to make her flee? Joey: I may have said that... you were the kid from Hanson-- the little one all grown up. Which is actually a compliment, really. I mean, they were much deeper than people realize. [Scene: Flash back scenes of several of Dawson and Joeys hard times in their relationships.] Dawson: You're just hearing what you want to hear. Joey: No. I think I'm hearing what you're afraid to tell me. Dawson: Joey, it hurts to be around you. If I see you even from across a room, it brings up a thousand memories. As long as I can remember, everything always comes back to you. No matter what was happening between us, even the thought of you was at least a constant comfort, but... [Sighs] I can't go back. It just hurts. [Sighs] [Scene: Cut to the inside of Dawson's Jeep, as he is telling the story to Oliver.] Dawson: Are you actually crying? Oliver: A little bit. Dawson: [Chuckles] Oliver: It's all very sad, very merchant ivory. How does it end? Dawson: That's the thing. It doesn't. Oliver: Ok. In your heart of hearts, how would you want it to end? Dawson: I don't know. I don't... I don't know. All I really care about is that she's happy. Oliver: Jeez Louise, you are boring. I think it should end tragically. 10 years from now, she passes you in the street. You're penniless and pathetic. And you run after her, but she just thinks you're some crazy bum. And then, just as you're crossing the street... pssshh! You get hit by a bus. Dawson: You definitely have a problem with endings. Oliver: Come on. Tell me more. I live for this junk. Dawson: All right. [Scene: The party. Joey is now alone talking to some guy who is hitting on her. Charlie comes walking up] [Crowd cheering] Guy: so, listen, next time you're in new York... give me a call, and I'll hook you up. Joey: Yeah, with what? Guy: Concert tickets, backstage passes, and maybe even a behind-the-scenes tour. Joey: Cool. Guy: Yeah. [Charlie breaks in] Charlie: Excuse me. Is, uh, this guy bothering you? Joey: No. Charlie: Well, he looks like he is. Just, you know, go away, dude. Joey: Actually, he used to be a member of Charlie: Dit dit dit dit dit. Heh heh heh. Don't say it. Don't even hint. Guy: I'm gonna go mingle. It was really nice meeting you, Joey. Joey: Nice meeting you. [the guy leaves Jen is walking up in the distance and stops when she sees the two of them talking] Joey: "Go away, dude"? Charlie: Hey, it worked, didn't it? [Joey and Charlie walks off and Jack comes running up to Jen] Jack: [Breathless] Jen, Jen. I found you. I entered us in a hotel raffle. We could win, like, 2 weeks in a Miami timeshare. Yeah! Awesome. Give me a whoo-whoo! Come on. Whoo! Whoo! Come on. Whoo! Whoo! Jen: [Coughing] Jack: Whoo. Whoo. You all right? [Scene: Later in the evening at the party still. Audrey and Pacey are having a discussion.] Audrey: I didn't mean to lie, exactly. Pacey: Of course not. You just couldn't help yourself. Audrey: I just--I didn't want to have this discussion right now. Pacey: It would not have been a discussion if you would've just told me, Audrey. Audrey: Come on. You never would've let it go that easy. You would've asked me a million questions, like you always do. Pacey: Like I always do? I always do things? Audrey: You would've wanted to know how long we dated, how many times we had sx, if he was better than you. It would've ruined our whole evening. Pacey: You're quite right. Your way of doing things is much better because we're having a great time now. Audrey: I am sorry. Ok? I messed up. [Sighs] Pacey: There's more to this whole thing, isn't there? Audrey: God! What more do you wanna know? Yes, Chris and I dated. Yes, I loved him. He was like... my Dawson. Ok? Breaking up with him was, like, the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and every once in a while, I wonder if I made the wrong decision. Is that what you wanted to hear? Pacey: Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to hear. Audrey: Ugh. So... I don't--what? Are you mad at me now? Pacey: No, I'm not mad at all. Why would I be mad? Audrey: Ok. Well, you're freaking me out. Pacey: Why? This was supposed to be fun. Remember, Audrey? With no strings attached. Lying is for people who are in serious relationships, and you and I were never that serious. Audrey: No. You're absolutely right. Thanks a lot, Pacey. [She storms off] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: at the beach. Joey and Pacey are sitting there talking to one another.] Pacey: Sometimes my head wants to explode but when I think about it trust me, I did the right thing. Joey: How did you manage to rationalize that one? Pacey: Just hear me out for a second. Back in the day, how would the old-school Pacey deal with a complicated love triangle? He would dive right in, get all bloodied up, and still lose the girl in the end anyway. Joey: Pacey, that's not even the same Pacey: Eh, eh, it's ok, because... I learned from it. I learned how to recognize it, and I learned how to avoid it, thereby, not making the same mistake twice. And you know what they call that, friend? They call that growth. Joey: Pace, how do you know that's even the same thing? Pacey: Because she said, "he's my Dawson." Which is, of course, my personal kryptonite. Joey: Ok, so I had a Dawson. Do you see me with him today? No. He's part of her past. Pacey: If there's anything that I've learned from history, it's that Dawson is not the past tense of a noun for you ladies. If anything, he is the past, present, and future. So, what I'm looking for is a woman who has no soul mate to speak of. No soul mate and smallish feet, that's all I want. Joey: You want Audrey. Pacey: That's not going to happen. Joey: And she wants you. If you would just open yourselves up to the possibility that you could need each other, you might actually fall in love. Pacey: Right. So, what about you? Do you actually follow your own advice, or do I have to dispense it for you? [Charlie walks past them carrying a surfboard] Joey: Him? No. That's different. I don't even like him. Pacey: No, of course not. The blushing, the flirting, the laughing, the singing Joey: Ok. Maybe I like him a little, but just in that stupid fun way. It's not like I could see us ever having a serious future. Pacey: Who said anything about a serious future? I'm talking about right now. Joey: What's the point? If I already Pacey: The point is... he came all the way here to see you. And he called me-- a rather intimidating ex-boyfriend-- to find out where you were. That takes guts. Joey: Or he could just be an idiot. Pacey: He could be. Why don't you go find out? [Scene: Cut to Flash back scenes hard times that Joey and Dawson spent together including his departure at the end of season 4] Joey: Ok. I never said it wasn't confusing. Dawson: Ok. Then tell me one thing you know. Joey: I know I wanted you there. At the end of the day when I got back to my room, I wanted you there. Dawson: Why? Joey: I don't know why. I don't know what I meant. I just know that I wanted you there. Maybe that's the ending we're supposed to have. Maybe every other attraction we feel towards each other is just fear of moving on and growing up. Is that what you really think? Dawson: [Sighs] I don't know. But I do know if I get on this plane, I'm never gonna find out. All right? 'Cause we're gonna move on, we're gonna grow up. And 4 years from now, we're gonna wake up, and we're gonna be complete strangers to each other. And the only thing that I know for sure is that I don't want that to happen. Do you? Joey: No. [Scene: Cut to the outside of Dawson's Jeep. They have stopped at a gas stations and Dawson is continuing to tell the story to Oliver who is listening intently to everything he says] Oliver: So, Dawson, you're thinking about it, aren't you? Dawson: What? Oliver: High jacking the car, going to Florida. Dawson: No. Pfft. No. No. Th-th-that'd be completely ridiculous. Oliver: Hmm? Dawson: What, are you stupid? No. It's... [Sighs] Even if I was, what's left to say at this point? Oliver: Listen, I don't know what's going through your head, man, but that story... the way you told it... well, it sounds like the sun rises and sets with this girl. Dawson: It does. Oliver: So, then why don't you hang your balls out there and tell her that? Dawson: I feel like I don't have the right. I pushed her away, and she moved on. Oliver: Well, maybe she has. But until you have that conversation, how will you ever know? Dawson: [Sighs] Uhh! What about the meeting? Oliver: Well, we'll reschedule. It happens all the time. Meetings come and go, but this... this is how you achieve true greatness, my friend. Huh? Dawson: Which way to Florida? Oliver: Great Caesar's ghost, let's go! [Scene: A montage of scenes including Joey learning to surf from Charlie. Jen sick walking through the house. Jack spiking his coffee from a hip flask. Jen joining Jack at the table outside on the porch. Dawson and Oliver driving, and shots of Audrey, Pacey and Chris alone.] Joey: Don't people usually surf in the water? Charlie: Are you going to question every single thing that I say? Joey: Most likely, yes. [Charlie falls of the board on the beach, and Joey laughs] Charlie: I know, I know you think that's funny, don't you? Joey: Yeah. [Charlie chases her] Charlie: Yeah? Joey: Aah! [Scene: The table outside. Jen and Jack are sitting there drinking coffee.] Jen: Hmm? You sure partied hard last night. Jack: Hmm. Yeah. I know. I had a blast. I think. Jen: Well...you passed out, and I put you to bed. Jack: [Sighs] Yeah, well... thank you for that, Jen. Will we be arriving at a point anytime soon? Jen: I think maybe you're drinking to Jack: no, no, no, no. You're not gonna do that, all right? You're not gonna turn this into some psa on the perils of undergrad drinking. Just don't. Jen: You didn't let me finish, all right. This isn't about how much you drink. It's just that I've been watching you lately, and it seems like you're drinking to forget something. Is there anything that you wanna talk about with me? That's all I'm asking. Jack: No. I'm fine. I don't wanna talk about anything. [Jack leaves, and Jen goes inside. Joey comes in from the beach] Joey: Oh, no. Are you still sick? Jen: Don't let the wheezing and sneezing fool you. I'm fine. [Sniffles] You look all glowie. Joey: I surfed. Well, it wasn't exactly surfing, but I did manage to stay on the board for a good 5 seconds. Jen: Cool. Did Audrey teach you? Joey: No. Charlie, actually. Jen: You spent the day with Charlie? Joey: Yeah. Is that ok with you? Jen: Yeah, of course it is. I just... [Sighs] Eh, I don't know. I just don't know why you'd want to waste your time, Jo. Joey: Well... it is my time. And, anyway, he makes me laugh sometimes. Jen: Yeah. Well, that's how he reels you in. Trust me, ok? I've been there. Joey: You know what? I think I'm gonna go with my instincts on this one, but thank you. Jen: Well, Joey, what are your instincts telling you? Joey: Well, for starters, they're telling me that you're probably not the best person to advise me in this particular situation. Jen: Look, I don't want to see you get hurt by him. That's all. Joey: Come on, Jen. It's not like you've ever had my feelings in mind before. I mean, what were your instincts telling you when you slept with Dawson? Jen: Look, I knew that was going to be an issue, ok Joey: But you went ahead with it anyway, and I didn't say anything. So why don't you have the same courtesy for me right now? Jen: Ok. Fine. Fine. If he really means that much to you Joey: I don't even know what he means to me yet, but what does he mean to you? Jen: Nothing. Joey: Then why do you care so much? [Charlie comes walking up to the open door] Charlie: Um... you left your keys at the beach. Joey: Thanks. Jen: I'm gonna go back to bed. I just don't feel that good. [Jen leaves, and Joey turns to Charlie who is handing her the keys.] Joey: You know what? Can we go somewhere? Charlie: Sure. Where? Joey: Anywhere but here. [Scene: Later that night. Audrey is standing alone by her pool when Chris come walking up behind her and kisses her neck] Chris: I missed your freckles. Audrey: How did you get in here? Chris: The sniffly girl let me in. These ones right here, I love there. Audrey: Ok. I bet you that you could have any freckle you wanted in the world, Mr. Movie-star- in-training. Chris: Hey, don't say that. I know you probably think it, just don't say it, ok? Audrey: Ok. Chris: Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I followed you to Boston. Would we still be together? Audrey: I don't know. We're different people now. I'm different. Chris: You don't seem that different. Just a little sad, that's all it is. Audrey: I'll be fine. Chris: Sometimes I still wish we were in high school. Things just seemed a lot easier. Audrey: I know what you mean. [Audrey and Chris kiss, and the camera pans to Pacey who is standing inside watching them. He looks at the flowers he is holding then turns and walks away.] [Scene: ] Charlie: You know, there's a trick to this thing. I just...I can never remember what it is. Joey: I'm surprised you brought a tent. Charlie: Well, I didn't think you were gonna let me sleep with you. Joey: You're right about that one. Charlie: You look really beautiful tonight. [she looks at him. He goes to kiss her, but she turns away] Did I do something wrong? Joey: You know what? I'm sorry. I should go. Charlie: Hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait. No. No. I don't want you to go. Joey: I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't even know who you are, Charlie. And all this stuff I know for sure is all bad. Charlie: You know more than that. We had--we had an amazing day, and the only reason you're questioning all of this is because of what I did to Jen. Joey: Well, yeah, that's a big part of it. Charlie: I did a terrible thing, and I wish I had never done it, but... it doesn't define me, Joey. It's not all that I am. Come on. Haven't you ever hurt anybody? Joey: Let me help you with that tent. [She takes the tent poles from his hand] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Audrey's place. Dawson pulls up to the house, and Oliver is asleep in the passenger seat. It is night and Dawson grabs his bag and heads around the back of the house and sees Jack standing on the patio roof, very drunk looking over the pool.] [Snoring] [It is night and Dawson grabs his bag and heads around the back of the house and sees Jack standing on the patio roof, very drunk looking over the pool.] Jack: Dawson leery! Whoo! Dawson: Jack, is that you? Jack: Check me out, dude. Whoo! Dawson: Ha ha ha! Hey, man, be careful up there. Jack: Hey, look, I can fly! Dawson: Why don't you come down from there? Jack: Ok, I'll be right down. [Jack looks down at the pool, then leans forward and falls into it] Dawson: Jack! Jack! [He passes out as he hits the water and begins to slowly sink to the bottom of the pool when Dawson dives in and pulls him to safety] [Scene: Next to the pool. Jack is wrapped up in a blanket, and Dawson comes out after getting into some dry clothes and hands Jack a sweater] Dawson: Here. Put that on. Jack: I messed up, Dawson. Dawson: Don't worry about it, man. Jack: I just wish-- wish you could ever rewind your life? Dawson: [Chuckles] Pretty much all the time. Jack: I mean, just...pick it up right after graduation and just do it all over again. What would you do different? Dawson: I don't know. Why? What would you do? Jack: I thought I was doing well, you know, making new friends, trying different things, just... building this whole new life. Dawson: What's wrong with that? Jack: It just got too hard, man. It... I didn't think it was gonna be this hard. Dawson: You didn't think what would be this hard? Jack: My life... college. I'm failing out of school, man. Dawson: Seriously? Jack: Yeah. I--I gotta ace all my finals, all right? I haven't read half the stuff. It doesn't matter 'cause I'll never be able to do it. Dawson: Why? Well... don't say that. Take it one step at a time. We'll help you out in any way we can. Jack: Oh, yeah. That's a great line. Yeah, because we say it to each other all the time. "Dawson, your dad died, but you know what? "You're gonna be ok. Hey, you're gonna get through it. We're gonna help you." Dawson: Yeah. And you know what? You guys did. It made all the difference in the world. Jack: Tobey's got a new boyfriend. I called him the other day just to say hi. He seems so happy. How am I supposed to fix my life if I don't even know where I went wrong? I just want to go back. I just want to start over. Why can't I start over? Why? I just want to start over. [Dawson just watches on as Jack cries, not knowing what to do.] [Scene: outside the MTV stage. The bands are cleaning up at the end of the night and Audrey is just watching them when Pacey comes up to join her.] Pacey: Thinkin' of becoming a roadie? Audrey: I've got good upper body strength. I think I could handle it. Pacey...I have to tell you something. Pacey: You kissed Chris. Audrey: Yeah. What the hell? Pacey: I hired a couple of P.I.'s. They were tracking you, took some photos. Wasn't pretty. Audrey: Hmph, doesn't quite figure, does it? Pacey: How do you mean? Audrey: You know... spending all that time tracking me down... would kinda mean that you care. Pacey: Yeah, it would, wouldn't it? Audrey: So, do you? Because we can't keep going down this road that we've been on, and it's not that it hasn't been great, because it really has. Pacey: Audrey Audrey: No. I need to say this. Pacey: No. Can I Audrey: Will you give a girl a minute? I am not so good with this vulnerable thing, ok? Pacey, I want to be your girlfriend. Ok? Officially. And exclusively and... uncasually, and I want you to want the same thing, but if you don't Pacey: I do. I do. And I wanted to tell you that all day. Audrey: Then why didn't you? Pacey: I guess I was just waiting for my moment. Audrey: Well, how's right now for you? Pacey: Right now feels pretty good. Audrey... will you be my girlfriend? Audrey: I would love to. [They Kiss] [Scene: Audrey's kitchen in the morning. Dawson is sitting all alone at the table when Pacey comes downstairs.] Pacey: Dawson? Hey, thought that was you. How long you been here? Dawson: I...ha ha. I don't know. You don't seem that surprised to see me. Pacey: Want some coffee? I brewed it fresh. Dawson: No. Thank you. I already had some. Um, I just wanted to, um... Pacey: To find Joey. Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: Look, Dawson, if you're here because you think that you and Joey are... whatever you're thinking, this is a bad idea. Dawson: You know, pace, I'm on... no sleep and about 26 hours' worth of driving. Pacey: I'm serious. You gotta give that thing up. That thing that you guys do to each other, the heroes of bad timing. You've got to give that up. It's over. Dawson: No, it's not. Pacey: Aw, come on, Dawson. How many times are you gonna do this yourself? How many times are you gonna keep on coming back? Dawson: Until there's nothing to come back for, I guess. Pacey: Suppose I was to tell you there's nothing right now? Dawson: [Sighs] Believe me, pace, sometimes I wish that was the case. But it's not. I can feel it. I know you don't believe in any of this, and that's fine. You're the cynic. I'm the idealist. It's how we work, I guess. But when I feel something this strong pulling me... I have to act on it. It's... the only thing that I know how to do. So you gonna tell me where she is? [he pauses for a second before answering] Pacey: She's with Charlie, Dawson. [Scene: Inside Charlie's Tent. Charlie and Joey are lying there fully clothed just talking to one another] Joey: Will you hand me my socks? My feet are freezing. Charlie: Yeah. Ah, you know, it's a good thing I moved this tent indoors. You might have lost a few toes if we'd stayed on the beach. [The camera pans back enough for us to see that they actually build the tent inside Audrey's place.] Joey: Charming. So...where were we? Charlie: Seventh grade, the crimping iron incident. Joey: Ooh, that's a good one. You're gonna like this story. Charlie: [Chuckles] Joey: Oh, do you want a break? Charlie: From you, never. Joey: Hmm... you're good with the one-liners. Almost too good. Charlie: Too good? Joey: Uh-huh. Charlie: Uh-uh. You're kidding me. I have been lying here right next to you all night, and I still have not given you a proper kiss. Man, I must've lost my touch. Joey: I don't think so. You don't? [She kisses him] [Scene: the beach. Dawson stands alone at the beach just staring into the water watching the waves crash into the shore as the sun rises. Then the camera fades to black.]	Plan: A: Spring Break; Q: What is the name of the break that the group goes to Miami for? A: the group; Q: Who goes to Miami to party? A: Pacey; Q: Who asks Audrey to be his girlfriend? A: their first relationship test; Q: What do Audrey and Pacey go through when Audrey's high school boyfriend shows up with tickets for the M2M concert? A: MTV; Q: What network is hosting the M2M concert? A: Chris; Q: Who does Audrey kiss at the concert? A: his official girlfriend; Q: What does Pacey ask Audrey to be? A: Dawson; Q: Who is left with a broken heart over Joey? A: a film agent; Q: Who did Dawson and Oliver go to NY to meet? A: their movie; Q: What is the film agent interested in? A: his story; Q: What does Dawson tell Oliver about Joey? A: Joey; Q: Who does Charlie end up spending the night with? A: their romance; Q: What does Dawson try to resuscitate with Oliver? A: Jack; Q: Who is depressed and drunk when Dawson arrives in Miami? A: college; Q: What is Jack failing out of? Summary: It is Spring Break and the group goes to Miami to party. Audrey and Pacey go through their first relationship test when Audrey's high school boyfriend (and her first true love) shows up with tickets for the M2M concert at an MTV event. She is torn with the memories of the past, and eventually kisses Chris. Pacey stays cool about it and asks Audrey to be his official girlfriend after she confesses she loves him not Chris. Meanwhile, Dawson and Oliver hit to road to NY to meet a film agent who is interested in their movie, but never make it there. Dawson starts to tell Oliver his story with Joey and decides to surprise her in Miami, looking to resuscitate their romance. But when he gets there, all he finds is a drunk and depressed Jack (who is flunking out of college) and Pacey, who tells him his story with Joey is over. Charlie shows up and he and Joey end up spending the night together, while Dawson is left with nowhere to go and a broken heart over Joey.
Zenith Motor Gallery, Marin County the owner: Mr. Norris, I'm gonna let one of my guys show you the Lamborghini. It's your new car. You just don't know it yet. a salesman: The McLaren looks good on you, Mr. Landau. buyer: Not tonight. another salesman: A lot of fellas out there- They've got to sell station wagons, minivans, This? I don't have to sell this This is the good life on wheels, stem to stern. Hell, the trunk's bigger than my first apartment. (He opens the trunk to show it off to a prospective buyer and finds a dead woman in the trunk.) Oh, my God. Liselle. CBI arrives. Lisbon: Agent Rigsby, what do we have? Rigsby: Hey, boss. Liselle Douglas, salesperson here, age 28. Blunt force trauma, numerous contusions, possible skull fracture. Cho: Her clothes are still intact. No obvious signs of sexual assault. Lisbon: What is it? Jane: I just love that new car smell. Lisbon: Anything on the time of death? Van Pelt: She was last seen working here late last night. Private security did a sweep at midnight, reported the alarm system hadn't been activated. Coroner thinks she was probably dead by then. Let's get the body out of here, see what we can find out. Rigsby yeah, you got it. Lisbon: That's expensive, huh? Cho: $300,000 retail. Probably get a discount now, though. Cho talks to salesmen. Cho: Hey, guys. One of you found the body? Brad: Yeah, James Kinsey. I believe he's in the John right now. Brad Elias. Cho: Any idea who could have done this, Mr. Elias? Brad: No. None. It was horrible. This is a tragedy. We're like a family here. Jane: Ha! Family. That's cute. Brad: Excuse me? Jane: You work on commission, right? Brad: Sure. Jane: Okay, then you're not a family at all. You're a gladiator pit. You're a seething mass of primal hostility and mistrust. Brad: That's not true. People have the wrong idea about sales. There's a lot of respect among us, right, guys? Salesmen: oh, yeah. Jane: Clearly you're a top dog amongst this pack here, But the question is, who's the fastest runner? Brad: Runner? Jane: Liselle's clients are gonna need a new broker, aren't they? And I think that my associate, agent Cho here, left her client list upstairs. In your break room. It might be a little ghoulish to grab it up so soon, but it is still up there, and someone, at some point, will... A group of salesman break into a run for it, including Elias. Cho: I've got the client list right here. It's evidence. What did you do that for? Jane: I have eliminated this man from any suspicion. Too honest to profit from a killing? Too honest to kill. Right? Salesman: Right. Jane: Hey, guys, break it up. Unless, of course, you're very cunning and you're working a double bluff. No, I didn't think so. The Mentalist 2x13 Zenith Motor Gallery, Marin County Owner: Liselle didn't show up for work yesterday. I didn't know what to think. It wasn't like her. Cho: You were worried? Owner: I was pissed. Hosting the party was her responsibility. It's a good think that Kinsey stepped up. (to salesman) Heard you boys didn't play nice last night. Naughty, naughty. Jane: You like your employees at each other's throats? Owner: You bet I do. This is a job for winners. We're the top luxury broker in northern California. We got four floors of stock back there. We got over $100 million in sales annually. My guys have to earn their place. So every six months we have a sales drive. So Top guy on the board gets a titanium diamond Rolex. Bottom guy... gets a new job. Look, agents, not to press-my clients would like to know when we can reopen. What can I tell them? Cho: You can tell them a woman's dead. Owner: Which is terrible, uh, but this is a service business. Jane: And when sharks stop swimming, they drown, right? Owner: no malingering guys. This is James Kinsey. Jane: Ah. Ah, top salesman. Congratulations. James: Thanks. Owner: Damn right. This guy could sell a cat to a mouse. James: Ah, I might have to throw in a few extras to close that deal. Cho: Mr. Westhoff here says you were working with Liselle the night she disappeared. James: Yeah, working on last night's party, sure. I left her here about, uh, 8:00,8:30. Cho: How'd she seem-her demeanor? James: Fine, I guess. Uh, a little tense, maybe. A lot of pressure to get that party together. Jane rifles through the fridge. Jane: Hey. Hey. James: That-that's-that's mine. Jane: That. Okay. Cho: Now how'd you and Liselle get along? James: Uh, great. She's a great girl. Jane: Great? But you resented her. James: No. Jane: Yes. Why was that? She was in the middle of the pack, so she was no threat to you. Owner: Liselle did very well for her age. Jane: She did very well because she was beautiful, and you felt that gave her an unfair advantage. James: hey, s*x sells. That's a fact of life. Jane: Oh, yeah. James: Listen, her actual pitching skills-bush league. You put a bag on her, Liselle couldn't sell squat. Cho: Ever ask her out? James: Yeah. Jane: How'd that go for you? James: Uh, she said no. Boyfriend. Cho: What was his name? James: Um, uh, Jeff. Jeff somebody- musician, wannabe rock star. Yeah, she was always bitching about him. Always drama with those two. CBI Van Pelt: Boyfriend is Jeff Sparhawk. The victim had a loft with him south of Market. Here's the address. Lisbon: Jane and I will look into it. You check out her financials. Rigsby arrives. Rigsby: You wanted to see me, boss? Lisbon: Actually, I wanted to see both of you. Shut the door. Sit down. You know what this is about. The other day you told me you were involved in a romantic relationship with each other. Rigsby: Yes. Lisbon: Dating within the unit is strictly against CBI regulations. I wanted to take some time to think about how to respond, but I realize that it's causing tension, so... Agent Rigsby and Van Pelt, are you involved in a personal relationship with each other? Van Pelt: Yes. Rigsby: We are. Lisbon: Okay, then. As your supervisor, I have to report the relationship to employee support services. I'm gonna do it as soon as we close this case. Do you have any questions? Van Pelt: But they'll make one of us transfer out of the unit. Lisbon: Yes, they will. That's the rule. You knew that. You can go now. Lisbon and Jane go to Jeff's apartment. Lisbon: Where the hell is 4-B? Jane: I understand your position. There's no need to beat yourself up about it. Lisbon: What are you talking about? Jane: Well, that you feel bad about Rigsby and Van Pelt. Lisbon: No, I don't. Jane: Well, you can't help wondering if there's a hint of jealousy and resentment in your decision. Lisbon: Excuse me? They hear a noise from inside and go in to find Jeff Sparhawk bashing the crap out of one of his guitars. Lisbon: Mr. Sparhawk? We're with the California Bureau of Investigation. Jeff: California what? Lisbon: We want to ask you some questions about Liselle. You want to put down what's left of your guitar? Jeff: Yeah. Whatever. Jane: I'll make some tea. Lisbon: Why all the demolition, Jeff? Jeff: I'm sad. I like to destroy things when I'm sad. Jane: Well, some sadness, but mostly guilt, a dollop of self-pity, tingle of excitement. So you're a musician? All right. You any good? Jeff: No. Jane: You're okay. I could tell Liselle was a woman of taste. She wouldn't have loved a bad musician. Jeff: Yeah. I'm great. Huge. Last year I made $9,000 for my music. Jane: Well, that's $9,000 more than van Gogh ever made from his art. Jeff: Yeah, things worked out for him. Lisbon: Okay. So, um, Liselle was the breadwinner? Jeff: Yeah. Her cut on an Aston... could keep us going for a couple months, so I could concentrate on my music. She did it for me. She hated that job. Lisbon: Did that ever cause tension in your relationship? Jeff: Sure. Couples fight. I didn't like her working at that place, but... Jane: You needed the money. It's fair enough. Jeff: She was getting hit on all the time by rich egomaniacs, okay? It's gonna make you jealous, right? Guys, uh, guys try to give her stuff. Lisbon: What kind of stuff? Jeff: You know, uh, jewelry, perfume, stuff like that. Liselle always sent it back. Lisbon: Why? Jeff: Out of respect for me. Or if she couldn't give it back, she gave it away. Jane: Not all of it. This is very valuable. Jeff: Liselle said it was too valuable to get rid of. She said we'd use it to, uh, pay for our wedding. Lisbon: Who gave her the print? Jeff: I've done bad, stupid things. I never deserved her. And now she's gone. God. Jane: Oh, stop. Self-pity'll kill you. Take it from someone that knows. Leaving the apartment Lisbon: Jeff Sparhawk has no alibi. Jane: You can dispense with the cop talk, Lisbon. You can tell me what's bothering you. Lisbon: Nothing's bothering me. Jane: Okay. Lisbon: Nothing is bothering me. Jane: Message received. Lisbon: Good. Jane: Sparhawk-no alibi, yeah? Mm. Lisbon: okay, I'm jealous and resentful? That is nonsense. Jane: yet you recall my exact words. There's no shame in it. I feel that way, too, sometimes. Why does everyone else get to have a normal life? Lisbon: My life is fine. Jane: Normally you rise above such craven emotions, but in this case, your hands were tied. It's the rules. You're forced to do what your worst self is telling you to do anyway. Hence, your tension headache. Lisbon: I don't... All right. I-I do have a headache, but that's a coincidence. Nah. Either I obey the rules or I risk taking big heat for ignoring them. This is on Van Pelt and Rigsby, not me. Jane: Whatever you say. Lisbon: (phone) Lisbon. Van Pelt: Hey, I found something on that print. It sold at auction in San Francisco last year, purchased by Walter Mashburn for 30 grand. Lisbon: Mashburn. Sounds familiar. Van Pelt: He founded Mashburn Avionics, sold it ten years ago for billions. He was also Liselle Douglas' last appointment the day she died. Jane and Lisbon head to his private club. Lisbon: Did you notice the badge, or should I show you again? Receptionist: I'm so sorry, but I can't say if Mr. Mashburn is here or not. We're a private club, and our members treasure their privacy. Jane: Don't worry. I'll find him. Receptionist: W-excuse me, sir. member (arrives with a blonde on his arm): Well, hello there. The deck, corner table? Huh? Oh, you must be new. Walter Mashburn. The four of them sit down to lunch. Walter: I liked Liselle Smart woman. Damn shame. Lisbon: And you gave her an expensive gift. Walter: Yes. Lisbon: Were you sleeping with her? Walter: If I slept with everyone I gave gifts to, I wouldn't get any work done... or any sleep, for that matter. Jane: But you propositioned her, and she said no. Walter: Perceptive. You're a psychic, aren't you? Jane: What makes you say that? Walter: You have this charlatan air about you. My second... no, my third wife was into all that mystical goop. You learn to recognize the type. Lisbon: How many wives have you had? Walter: enough to know better. But I'm currently unattached. Lisbon: So were you sleeping with Liselle or not? Jane: Not. Walter: That print was a reward for finding me an Austin Healey 2-seater from 1960. There was only a few hundred made. No. She earned that gift. Lisbon: And the appointment you had with her the day she died? Walter: To pick the car up. Do you want to see it? Lisbon: No, thanks. Jane: I'd love to. Walter: You have a damaged intensity that's quite attractive. Jane: Mm. Yeah. Walter: Let me buy you a drink sometime. Lisbon: I live in Sacramento. Walter: I have a jet. Jane: Oh, you're very good. Very good. I have one question- uh, did you kill Liselle? Hmm? Walter: Jake, check, please. Let me show you folks something. Dock Walter: Smugglers call 'em go-fast boats-says it all. Nothing like flying across the ocean at 80 knots to get the blood going. Would you like to come for a ride? Lisbon: We get it. You're an energetic man. You like danger. So why bring us here? Walter: I have no love for danger. Nothing's dangerous if you think ahead. If you plan it right, you can get away with... Well, I was gonna say you can get away with murder, but... you know what I mean. Lisbon: Okay. So... What's the point in showing us your fancy toy here? Walter: This is how I live my life. I have a Castle in Scotland, a compound on the waterfront in Marin. If I killed Liselle, would I stuff her in the trunk like some low-rent thug? Jane: How would you have done it? Walter: She would have just disappeared, like smoke, like she was never there. Jane: You enjoy being a murder suspect, don't you? Walter: Am I? A suspect? Jane: Of course. It could be you're a sociopath, or it could be that killing is a thrill that you can't buy. Not a lot excites you anymore, does it, Walter? Walter: Patrick, if you really think I killed Liselle, there's only one thing for you to do. Try and catch me. Jane That could be you. CBI Lisbon: Mashburn's got zero priors, but he's been investigated for several shady business deals. Rigsby: But they never found anything. Legit business genius, it says here. Lisbon: He thinks he's a genius. He's a pirate that got lucky. He's gotten everything he wanted since he was 30 years old. Jane: Except you. Rigsby: Wait. Walter Mashburn asked you out? Lisbon: No. Well, sort of. Rigsby: Wow. Jane: Personally, I thought she should have gone for it. A little empty glamour would have been good for her. But, no, not our Lisbon. Lisbon: Rigsby, why don't you go and talk to his alibi, the swimsuit model? Rigsby: Oh, sure, yeah, the swimsuit model. Uh, no problem. Jane: The alibi will be solid, whether he did it or not. Lisbon: Check anyway. Cho arrives. Cho: I got something. It seems Westhoff, the boss at Zenith Motors, reported a Ferrari disappeared from their service department the night of the murder. But an hour later, Westhoff called the sheriff back and said never mind. Lisbon: So he found the car? Cho: Didn't say. Van Pelt arrives. Van Pelt: We need to find out. I got the autopsy report. Liselle died of major head trauma caused by forceful contact with the pavement. That put together with skin abrasions, bone fractures- Jane: She was hit by a car. Rigsby: Well, if a car is the murder weapon, it'll have trace evidence on it-blood, D. N.A.- Even if the killer washed it. Lisbon: Talk to Westhoff. D. N.A. evidence doesn't last forever. Rigsby: Okay. Zenith Motor Gallery James: Whoo. I'm out sick two days, and you give the Tarlen account to Legler? Owner: You've been sick on and off for a month. James: It's not my fault I got a stomach bug. Owner: Hey, no free rides. You eat what you kill here- that's rule number one. James: Don't tell me about rules, you son of a bitch. This is me talking. Owner: Oh, you? James: Yeah. Owner: You need to remember which one of us here is the man. Jane and Cho get to the office. Cho: Hey, guys. Are we interrupting something? Owner: Management seminar. Jane: Traditionally in these dominance displays, it's customary to, uh, bare one's canines. Some species go so far as exposing their genitals. Cho: 1986 Ferrari Testarossa- belongs to an Alexa Landau, and it disappeared from your service department. Where is it? Owner: I don't know. Cho: Then why'd you tell the cops "never mind"? James: 'cause I told him the owner's husband may have taken the car. We try not to call the police on our clients. Jane: He stole his own wife's car? James: Yeah, Landaus are splitting up. You know, rich people and their frickin' soap opera lives. Apparently, the husband took the car to Vegas, partied hard, left the car a mess. Now Alexa's pissed. Owner: And before she jets off to Milan, she brings it in to be detailed, specifically tells Kinsey not to let her pig husband near it. He tells me this later. Cho: And you think the husband didn't take no for an answer? James: Noah Landau's a big record producer, not really known for his impulse control. And he loves that car. Cho: Noah Landau was at the cocktail party when Liselle's body was discovered. I'll talk to Lisbon. Jane: Mm. "rich people and their frickin' soap opera lives." You don't really like rich people much, do you, Kinsey? James: Are you kidding? I love 'em. I'm on the way up, my friend. Rich people are taking me there. Jane: Well, someday, but in the meantime, Landau is dining at some lavish restaurant in Las Vegas. Sitting across the table from him is a woman probably half his age that's laughing at every one of his jokes. And you're stuck here with this guy, reheating... Beef soup? James: Beef-beef barley. Do you mind? Jane: Sure Would you say you have food issues? You don't have to answer that. Were you an orphan? James: A lot of thieves around here. Owner: Oh, like I'm gonna steal your lunch. Jane: Well, someone did. James: Yeah, just the other day. How low is that? Jane: Beef barley? James: Yeah. Jane: Beef- It's not really a popular soup meat, is it? Cho: Each his own. Jane: Yeah, I guess. In the street Van Pelt: So he killed her while stealing his own car? Rigsby: That's the theory. Look, Grace, I just wanna let you know I'm not worried about Lisbon reporting us. We'll make it work, whatever happens. Van Pelt: I know we will. Rigsby: If worse comes to worse, they probably wouldn't transfer you out of the central valley, L. A. or something like that is really unlikely. Van Pelt: We'll you're assuming I'm the one to be transferred? Rigsby: Yeah, I've been here almost five years, so seniority, Plus, this is my career, you know? Van Pelt: It's my career, too, Wayne. Rigsby: No, I didn't mean it that way. Obviously, you can have a career as well. Van Pelt: Thanks for your permission. Landau's place Landau: Why would I steal my own car? Rigsby: Oh, it was your wife's car, Mr. Landau, your, uh, estranged wife? Landau: Yeah, well, we're uh- what do you call-reconciling. Van Pelt: Oh? Congratulations. That's nice. So the trip to Vegas was a last hurrah? Yes, we know about it. We know everything, Mr. Landau. Liselle Douglas sold your wife that car. You know her? Landau: Really? Liselle sold me that car. '86 Testarossa- frickin' classic. You think Alexa even cared? She can't even drive stick. Rigsby: So you took what was yours That's understandable. Landau: You know what? You should leave. Van Pelt: You killed her, didn't you? Ran Liselle down when she caught you taking the car. Landau: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Wait a second That's how she died? Rigsby: Well, maybe you didn't see her until it was too late. It was dark. Help yourself, Mr. Landau. Tell us your side. Landau: Wow. Oh, man, it's not like that. It's not like that. Look... When I got back from Vegas, I, uh, I-I forgot some, uh, stuff in my car. Rigsby: Drugs? Landau: No. Yeah, drugs. What else? Alexa and I- We're working out custody of our son. So you could see how a drug bust could look bad. Rigsby: Well, a place like Zenith would never call the police on a client. Landau: Of course not. They'd politely leave it in the glove box, where Alexa would find it and have me thrown in prison. That's why I had to get the car before she found the dope. Van Pelt: So you stole it. Landau: Uh, no. I asked someone to do me a favor. And then I was partying, I lost my phone, I can't get ahold of the guy. That's why I went to that stupid cocktail party, to try to hook up with him. Rigsby: He's a salesman? Landau: No, no. It's Liselle's boyfriend. His name is Jeff Sparhawk. He's got the car. Jumped at the chance to get close to me, so I was... should have just asked him to kill my wife. That's a joke. You guys, man. [SCENE_BREAK] Zenith Motor Gallery Jane and Cho hang out in the showroom. Jane: Ooh. Whoa! Brad: Excuse me. Mr. Jane. Jane: What? Oh, sorry. Brad: If you could just- right over here. I'm sorry, Mr. Jane. You cannot hang out in the merchandise. Jane: Oh. Okay. Uh, well, what we need then is a test drive. Down to the beach would be good. Brad: You're looking to buy? Jane: Absolutely. Well, not me, but, uh I don't really care for this kind of ostentation, but Cho likes what you're cooking. Do you think you could show us around the lot? Brad: You know, I'm so sorry. Our inventory starts in the low six figures, so I need a bank statement before I can book an appointment. Otherwise we would be inundated with requests. You understand. Jane: Yeah, of course. Uh, you'd make an exception for a friend, wouldn't you? Brad: No. Jane: Oh. Okay. Cho: Hey. We got a lead on Sparhawk and the missing Ferrari. Gotta go. Jane: Uh, could you do me a favor? Could you drop me someplace on the way? Cho: Sure. Dock Jane waits for Mashburne. Walter: Patrick. Jane: Ahoy! Walter: Unexpected pleasure. What brings you here? Jane: Fishing. Walter: For what? Jane: Whatever bites. Walter: You're not on stakeout then? Jane: What's a stakeout? The rest of the team goes to the Ferrari, which was crashed into some bushes. Lisbon: There's our car. Where's Sparhawk? I can't believe he could walk away from something like this in one piece. Rigsby: That's blood on the air bag. He was in it, all right. Lisbon: No brake marks. He ran directly into the pole. They hear shouts nearby. Policeman: Put the sword down now. Jeff: Come on. Come and get me! Watch out. Watch out. Come on, you bastards! Come and take me. Policeman: Put it down! Put it down. Jeff: Go ahead and make me! Lisbon: Don't shoot him unless he goes at me for real. Rigsby: I don't know, boss. Boss... Lisbon: Jeff... We need to talk. Jeff: No. Lisbon: Jeff... Put that thing down now Jeff: Make me. go ahead and make me! Nobody's gonna shoot you, Lisbon: Jeff... No matter how badly you want them to. Jeff: I killed her. I killed Liselle. Lisbon: Then let's talk about it. Let us help you, Jeff. Put down the weapon. Stand down. You're under arrest, Jeff. We're gonna take you to a doctor, have him check you out. Jane and Mashburne stroll on the beach. Walter: Is this it? Is this how you work your magic? Jane: What magic's that? Oh. Check out this little puppy. That's a keeper. Walter: You think I didn't check you out? Jane: What'd you find? Walter: Psychic, just as I called it. Jane: Ah, no such thing as psychics. Walter: Oh, I know. You're a charlatan, as I said. You lost your wife and kid to a serial killer- Your fault, you think- And now you're on this hopeless quest for redemption, battling evil and injustice, right? Jane: Close enough. Walter: You play mind games with people, you size up their weaknesses and then you give them the rope to hang themselves. Jane: Oh, you make it sound so cool. Walter: And as for your work so far on me, I guess you think I'm vain, egotistical and hate being ignored. Jane: Do you disagree? Walter: No. It's pretty much accurate. But I'm also cunning, ruthless, and I hate to lose. Jane: Just the kind of man that would kill a woman for rejecting him. Walter: Did I? Jane: Well, you knew Liselle was stuffed in the trunk. How? Walter: I have a lot of friends- Sheriff's Department, Mayor's Office. Jane: Did you kill Liselle Douglas? Walter: You tell me. Jane: I'll know soon enough. I just need to read you a little more, dig a little deeper into your psyche, if you don't mind. Walter: Not at all. Dig away. It'll be fun. Jane: Anything for a thrill. Walter: Yes. Pretty much. Jane: (phone) Hello? Lisbon: (phone) We brought in the victim's boyfriend. He's looking pretty good for it. Wanna come and have a chat with him? Jane: Yeah, maybe a little later. I'm kind of busy. Lisbon: Where are you? Jane: Well, I'm with an admirer of yours, Who, uh, looks very good for it as well, has "killer" written all over his face. Lisbon: Not Mashburn. Walter: Tell her I said hi. Jane: Uh, he said hi. Lisbon: In there. Jane: Hung up. CBI Rigsby: Grace. Van Pelt: Yes? Rigsby: Look, you're giving me frostbite. Can we talk or what? Van Pelt: Sure. I guess. Rigsby: Okay, look... I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to say that your job is less important than mine. Van Pelt: I know. It's just... you're deciding how my career should go? Planning my entire life for me? It's not like we're married or anything. Rigsby: Grace, I get it. You're right. We're not married. How stupid would that be, right? Van Pelt: Stupid? Rigsby: Yeah, um, we've only been dating a couple months. Who knows what's gonna happen? Van Pelt: Well, sure, but what's stupid about it? Rigsby: I-I-I-I meant stupid if we got married today. Van Pelt: But what about tomorrow? I mean, long-term, where are we? Rigsby: Do we have to discuss this right now? Van Pelt: Yeah, we probably should have done it Before we announced our relationship and I endangered my job. Rigsby: Well, my job's on the line, too. Van Pelt: That's not what you said before. You have seniority, remember? Rigsby: Look, Grace, I know you're scared, but you can't keep blowing hot and cold on me like this, not now. Van Pelt: So what, I should just move to the Fresno Office and smile about it? Rigsby: You know what? Fine. Do whatever you want, Grace. Cho and Lisbon talk to Jeff. Lisbon: Jeff, we've got the lab rushing the results on the D. N.A. test on the bumper of the Ferrari. Cho: Once we find Liselle's blood, any leverage you had is gone. You should plead this out now. Jeff: You think I killed her? Lisbon: It helps that you said so during the standoff. Right. Jeff: What's weird... I think if I had killed her, I'd feel better than I do now. At least I'd feel in control. Lisbon: So now you're saying you didn't do it? Jeff: I didn't. But I did... Metaphorically. I killed her with my selfishness. Lisbon: This isn't a lyric-writing workshop, Jeff. You were there the night she died. You stole the car at Landau's request and stashed it where? Parking garage? Jeff: Yeah. I thought, uh, if this guy gives me a break, I can finally make it, take care of Liselle for once. She takes care of me by working her ass off. My big idea was grand theft auto. Cho: Maybe Liselle caught you, tried to stop you. Jeff: No. Cho: Maybe it was an accident. Jeff: No. She w-she never even saw me. She was working too hard. I loved her. If I had killed her, you wouldn't be talking to me, 'cause I'd be dead, too. Lisbon: We need Jane. Cho: Yeah. The country club Jane: The human brain is built in layers- The homo sapien brain on top of the caveman on top of the animal. Way down, deep below, you will find the lizard brain. Lizard- all action and reaction, no subtlety. You cannot train it to not react. Walter: Then where did I hide the ring? Jane: You're telling me. All the lizard brain knows is that something is hidden and you don't want it found. You can't hide your reaction. Walter: You're talking a good game, but I don't see my ring. Jane: I'm listening and the ring... Is... Excuse me. Huh. Thanks. Cheers. Thank you. Voila . Walter: Parlor trick. Jane: Yes, but it gives me a truer sense of your character. Walter: It's quackery You-you disappoint me. Jane: You think you sweat too much, you have mild dirt phobia, and you have issues with your mother. Walter: Who doesn't? Quackery. Jane: If I cared at all about respect, I would say that that is disrespectful. Walter: I just say what I see. Jane: I have to prove you wrong. Do you have, uh, a good fast car available? Walter: I do. They get into a Lamborghini, with Jane blindfolded. Cho: Jane, what are you doing? Jane: Cho. Proving a point. Lisbon with you? Cho: No. Jane: Oh, that's a shame. She'd enjoy this. Cho: She wants you back at the office. Jane: No doubt. You ready, Walter? Walter: I think so. Jane: Good. Oh! It's very low. You nervous? Walter: Of course not. Jane: Well, you should be. It's a very fancy car. I don't like the color. But, uh, what I'm gonna do is steer by feeling your reactions. You play it cool, we crash. Whatever you do, do not close your eyes. Okay? Walter: Okay. Jane: All right .Uh, how do I turn it on? Walter: Here. Jane: Okay. Walter: Whoo! Oh, I'll be damned. Jane: Ahh! That was fun. Whoo! Thank you. Voila . All in the wrist. Huh? All in the wrist. He gets out to applause, the car rolls to the edge of the cliff and off into the surf below. Cho: Why'd you do that? Jane: It was a total accident. Well, uh... at least no one got hurt. It was a terrible color, anyway. I-I'll get you a new one. Sorry. CBI Van Pelt: No traces of blood or D. N.A. on the stolen car. Lisbon: Nothing? So we have no murder weapon. Van Pelt: And no suspects. Lisbon: Let's start over. Go through every witness statement. Excuse me. (phone) Hey, Cho. Oh, no. Oh, great. No. No, you can handle this one. Just be sure to be clear that the CBI is not liable. He is just a consultant. Zenith Motor Gallery Jane: Uh, long story. Uh, I have to buy Walter a new car. Could you show us what you have? James: As I explained, Mr. Jane, we need a bank statement to confirm- Walter: Mr. Jane has assured me on his honor that he's good for it. So I'll vouch for him. Do you need to see my bank statement? Brad: Of course not. Walter: All right Well, then let's do this. James: Absolutely. Jane: I think we'll have Elias show us around. James: But you want the best to help show you around. Jane: Yes, he's second best. He'll try harder. Right? Brad: Right. Jane: Shall we? Walter: How about this one here? Brad: Excellent eye. This car- Jane: Well, it's gray. I mean, really? Gray? Your car. Mm. Walter: No. Gray'd be completely wrong, wouldn't it? Jane: Let's take a look at the, uh... Actually, no. Let's go this way. Shall we? Walter: Patrick, we've been this way before. Let's go back. Jane: Oh, please. Be patient. See, the thing is, Walter, no matter how smart a plan you make, there is always someone smarter who will see through it- makes it very hard to get away with murder. I like this car shopping. It's a lot of fun. I think that's your car. What do you think, Cho? Cho: 6-speed, pedal shifters. Nice. Jane: Oh, yeah. Mm! Walter: Eh. It's okay, I suppose. Jane: Try it. I think you'll like it. Walter: I'll take a look. Brad: Mr. Mashburn, may I suggest- This car-it's... a little gauche for you. Jane: Did you see his last car? This is a lot better color. This color symbolizes passion, lust, anger. I think it's lovely. It does have a little ding down here. I'm sure they can fix that, right, Elias? Brad: It's a really nice car, but it's had some transmission problems. I suggest that we look at the Lamborghini Murcia lago. V-12,631 horsepower-much nicer than the one you had before. You know what? Maybe-maybe we left the first floor a little too soon. There were some really choice cars upstairs. But, of course, if this is the car you like, no problem. Of course. I mean, it's-it's a matter of opinion. I... Cho: You feeling all right? Brad: I'm fine, yes. That's-I'm fine. Jane: He's not fine. He's feeling squeamish 'cause this is the car that he used to kill Liselle. Brad: I'm sorry. What? Jane: You led us right to it. Brad: I did not. Jane: Yes, you did. You led us right to it, And how could you do that if you didn't kill her? Brad: That's the most- That's the most ridiculous... Elias runs. Cho take off after him. Walter: This car was the hidden ring, wasn't it? Jane: Yep. Walter: And you read Elias' lizard brain to figure out- yeah. So it's over. Jane: Yeah, it's over. Walter: That's too bad. It was fun. Jane: Yeah. How you gonna top that thrill? Walter: Maybe next time I'll be the killer. CBI Brad: It's the competition. You have no idea. It eats at you. Second place-first loser. Jane: Kinsey was winning another sales drive. It should have been you. Westhoff likes hustle, so you hustled. Lisbon: And you made Kinsey sick by poisoning his beef barley soup. Only Liselle caught you at it, didn't she? Brad: Kinsey had been sick for a while. She figured it out, got mad. She threw away the soup and said that I had to tell Westhoff what I had done, told me I had to make this right. "make this right"- who says that? Self-righteous bitch. Westhoff finds out I was taking out his top earner, he'd make sure I'd never work again And Kinsey? That son of a bitch would call the cops for sure Security showed up sooner than I thought, so I stuffed the body in the trunk. It was me or her. You have to understand that. Someone gives you that choice, you choose you every time. Lisbon: I'm sure a jury will sympathize. Brad: How did you know it was me? Jane: Like I said, you're number two. Number two always tries harder. That, and nobody steals beef barley soup. Jeff: They, uh, told me they're not pressing charges, said I have you to thank. So, uh, you know, thanks. Lisbon: Just don't screw it up, Jeff. Lisbon: You didn't tell me. Rigsby: Excuse me? Lisbon: That you're together. You didn't say it. I didn't hear you. There are no rules being broken that I'm aware of- No holding hands, no soulful looks and absolutely no kissing in the office. Van Pelt: No problem. Rigsby: Fine. Lisbon: (phone)Hello? Jane? Meet you where? Liqbon waits outside and Jane pulls up in his sporty new Mercedes. Jane: Hey. Need a ride? Lisbon: Where did you get that? Jane: Oh, this old thing? Walter Mashburn. Lisbon: Even though you wrecked his car just to get a clean read on Elias? Jane: Is that what I did? Lisbon: Yeah, you did. Mashburn's not mad? Jane: No. We gave him a new experience. He helped us catch the killer. This is his way of saying thank you. Get in. Lisbon: We're not allowed to accept gifts from people. Jane: It's not a gift. It's a lend. Now I know this fantastic restaurant in Napa. We can be there in about seven and a half minutes. It'll blow your mind. Lisbon: It is a pretty nice car. Jane: Yes, it is. Come on. Lisbon: Promise you won't break the speed limit? Jane: Nope. Lisbon: Ooh!	Plan: A: Jane; Q: Who is the psychic who entertains Mashburn? A: Liselle Douglas; Q: Who was found dead in the trunk of a Bentley? A: a young saleswoman; Q: Who was Liselle Douglas? A: Lisbon; Q: Who tells Rigsby and Van Pelt that they are obliged to report them at the end of the case? A: the sales team; Q: Who does Jane and Lisbon meet at Zenith Motor Gallery? A: second lead salesman; Q: What is Brad Elias's position at Zenith Motor Gallery? A: "family; Q: What does Brad Elias say the sales team is like? A: owner Oliver Westhoff; Q: Who confirms that the sales team is a gladiator pit? A: the most successful salesman; Q: Who wins a prize at the end of each sales drive? A: the rich male clients; Q: Who was attracted to Liselle? A: her gifts; Q: What did the rich male clients give Liselle? A: his packed lunch; Q: What did Kinsey take out of the Zenith fridge? A: the office; Q: Where does Lisbon talk to Rigsby and Van Pelt? A: no-longer-secret lovers; Q: What is the relationship between Rigsby and Van Pelt? A: one; Q: How many of the salesmen will have to transfer at the end of the case? A: a poorly paid musician; Q: What was Sparhawk's profession? A: Liselle's job; Q: What kept Sparhawk and Liselle afloat? A: her job; Q: What did Liselle's boyfriend hate about her? A: their future wedding; Q: What did Liselle and Sparhawk use the money from a client gift to fund? A: a valuable picture; Q: What did Liselle and Sparhawk receive from Walter Mashburn? A: millionaire Walter Mashburn; Q: Who gave Liselle a picture to fund her wedding? A: a murder suspect; Q: What does Mashburn enjoy being? A: Cho; Q: Who reports that Westhoff called the police to report a Ferrari stolen from their service department? A: the murder; Q: What did Sparhawk confess to? A: a Ferrari; Q: What car was stolen from the service department the night of Liselle's death? A: The autopsy report; Q: What proves that Liselle was hit by a car? A: probably the Ferrari; Q: What car was Liselle hit by? A: Westhoff - Kinsey risks; Q: Who is James Kinsey angry with? A: the top salesman position; Q: What did Kinsey fear losing due to his stomach problems? A: stomach problems; Q: Why was James Kinsey absent from work? A: performance; Q: What did Elias poison Kinsey's lunch to drop? A: an account; Q: What did Westhoff take from Kinsey? A: Mrs Landau's; Q: What Ferrari might Mr Landau have taken? A: the Landaus; Q: Who is in the middle of a divorce? A: beef barley soup - Kinsey; Q: What was the lunch that was found in the fridge? A: his lunch; Q: What did Kinsey put his name on after someone stole it? A: Van Pelt chafes; Q: What does Van Pelt think of Rigsby's assumption that he will be the one to stay on at the CBI? A: his wife; Q: Who is Landau reconciling with? A: the glove box; Q: Where did Landau leave drugs in the Bentley? A: the car; Q: What did Landau pay Sparhawk to steal? A: a samurai sword; Q: What did Sparhawk threaten to use on the CBI team? A: the private club; Q: Where did Jane entertain Mashburn and his friends? A: the cliff; Q: Where did Mashburn's car roll off after Jane drove it blindfolded? A: the sea; Q: Where does Jane's car roll off a cliff into? A: a replacement car; Q: What does Jane buy for Mashburn? A: a particular car; Q: What does Jane ensure Mashburn's interest in? A: top position; Q: What did Elias want to gain by poisoning Kinsey's lunch? A: no one; Q: Who steals a barley beef lunch? A: their relationship; Q: What does Lisbon tell Rigsby and Van Pelt she will ignore? A: work; Q: Where did Rigsby and Van Pelt show no sign of their relationship? Summary: Jane and the CBI team investigate when Liselle Douglas, a young saleswoman, is found dead in the trunk of a Bentley at Zenith Motor Gallery, an elite car dealership. Jane and Lisbon meet the sales team, except for lead salesman James Kinsey who is away sick. Brad Elias, second lead salesman, claims they are like "family" but Jane counters it is a gladiator pit, confirmed by owner Oliver Westhoff - at the end of each sales drive, the most successful salesman wins a prize, the least successful is fired. Liselle was fairly successful as the rich male clients were attracted to her and gave her gifts. Jane riles Kinsey when he takes his packed lunch out of the Zenith fridge, and Kinsey admits he asked Liselle out - she refused - she had a boyfriend. In the office, Lisbon talks to no-longer-secret lovers Rigsby and Van Pelt, saying she is obliged to report them, at the end of the case, which means one of them will have to transfer. Sparhawk was Liselle's boyfriend: he is a poorly paid musician, has no alibi, and Liselle's job kept them afloat. They both hated her job and gave away client gifts except for one to fund their future wedding - a valuable picture from millionaire Walter Mashburn. He was Liselle's last appointment on the day she died. Lisbon and Jane meet Mashburn at a private club. He denies sleeping with Liselle and says the picture was a gift for finding him a rare car; he identifies Jane as being a charlatan psychic, and enjoys being a murder suspect. Cho reports that the night of the murder Westhoff called the police to report a Ferrari stolen from their service department but called back later to say never mind. The autopsy report shows Liselle was hit by a car - probably the Ferrari. Jane and Cho overhear Kinsey being angry with Westhoff - Kinsey risks losing the top salesman position due to absence with stomach problems, his drop in performance signalled by Westhoff now taking an account from him. Mr Landau, a client, might have taken Mrs Landau's Ferrari since the Landaus are mid-divorce. Jane goes through the fridge and finds Kinsey's lunch, beef barley soup - Kinsey put his name on it as somebody stole his lunch recently. Van Pelt chafes when Rigsby assumes he will be the one to stay on at the CBI as he has been there longer. Landau explains he and his wife are reconciling. But when he hears how Liselle died he implicates Sparhawk - Landau had left drugs in the glove box and paid Sparhawk to steal the car. The CBI team locates the Ferrari, which Sparhawk has crashed, and Lisbon talks him down from threatening everyone with a samurai sword; he confesses to the murder. Meanwhile Jane has been entertaining Mashburne and his friends at the private club but after a 'psychic' show in which Jane drives Mashburn's car blindfolded the car rolls off the cliff into the sea. Lisbon realizes that Sparhawk feels liable but did not kill Liselle. Jane and Cho visit Zenith with Mashburn for Jane to buy a replacement car for Mashburn. Jane chooses Elias over Kinsey as salesman for this sale, saying the second-best tries harder. Jane ensures Mashburn's interest in a particular car but Elias tries to interest him in another. Jane then explains that Elias is feeling squeamish because he used this car to run over Liselle: Elias had been poisoning Kinsey's lunch to drop his performance so that Elias would gain top position. Liselle had caught Elias tampering with Kinsey's lunch and ordered him to confess on pain of her reporting him, but Elias knew that if he did Westhoff would fire him and Kinsey would call the cops, so he murdered Liselle. Jane had suspected Elias because the second-best tries harder and no one steals a barley beef lunch. Lisbon tells Rigsby and Van Pelt she will ignore their relationship provided they show no sign of it at work.
OPEN ON SIDEWALK OF STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai briskly walks down the street as Luke, also walking quickly, joins her.] LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: Oh, I left a tip this time. And I didn't put it under the water glass, 'cause I know you hate that, and I made sure it didn't touch the syrup, 'cause that makes it sticky, and I didn't leave the last dollar in pennies just to get rid of them. LUKE: I know. LORELAI: So, why are you running down the street yelling at me? LUKE: I wasn't running. I was walking. I wasn't yelling. I was talking. LORELAI: Oh, what did you say? LUKE: "Hey." LORELAI: Oh, hey. LUKE: You are a lot of work. LORELAI: No, you're a lot of work. LUKE: You heading in there? [He indicates a store entrance.] LORELAI: Yeah. I need stamps. You heading in there? LUKE: Yep. I'm getting my divorce. [He reaches for the door.] LORELAI: What? [She stops in her tracks, shocked.] LUKE: Yeah. [He returns to stand before her.] LORELAI: You're g-getting a mail-order divorce? LUKE: These are the papers we had drawn up before. I just have to sign them. LORELAI: And you're signing them in there? LUKE: There's a notary in there. LORELAI: Luke, that is a Mail Boxes Etc. LUKE: So? LORELAI: So, you buy envelopes at a Mail Boxes Etc. You don't get divorced at a Mail Boxes Etc. LUKE: Why not? LORELAI: Because, I don't -- it's not dignified. LUKE: Well, crapping out in a marriage isn't that dignified, either, but I did that. LORELAI: Luke... LUKE: Look, I just want to get this over with. It's not a big deal. I just need to sign a piece of paper. LORELAI: You're ending a marriage. LUKE: I'm signing a paper -- LORELAI: -- that says you're ending a marriage. LUKE: Please let me do this. LORELAI: Why don't you go to a lawyer's office? LUKE: I hate lawyers. LORELAI: How about a friend's house? LUKE: Dougie and Scooter are off at camp. LORELAI: This is wrong. LUKE: This is fine. This is practical. LORELAI: Getting a divorce should not be practical. LUKE: I only have 20 minutes until I have to be back at work. LORELAI: A divorce should not be rushed. LUKE: For someone who's never actually been through a divorce, you sure know a lot about it. LORELAI: You should take a few minutes to think. LUKE: I have thought. It's over. I know it's over. And all I have to do is go in there and sign this paper in front of a notary, and then it's officially over. I'm fine. Please, I'm begging you -- let me get divorced. LORELAI: All right, then. Go ahead. [She solemnly looks down at the sidewalk.] LUKE: Thank you. [He starts to move to the door then pauses, again returning to Lorelai who isn't following.] I thought you needed stamps. LORELAI: I can get them later. LUKE: What are you doing? LORELAI: I just thought I'd give you some privacy. LUKE: I'm not taking a shower -- I'm signing a paper. LORELAI: I can come back later. LUKE: Will you please get in there and buy your stamps? LORELAI: Okay, fine. LUKE: [He follows her inside.] Lots and lots of work... CUT TO INSIDE MAIL BOXES ETC STORE KIRK: [He pops up from behind the counter.] Welcome to Mail Boxes Etc. How may I help you? LORELAI: You go ahead. LUKE: I need to get something notarized. KIRK: Terrific. We are happy to help you with all of your mailing and notarizing needs. I will need you to fill out your name and address, and then I will need a thumbprint. LUKE: I know how it works, Kirk. KIRK: You have a pen? LUKE: I have a pen. KIRK: [to Lorelai] What can I do for you today? LORELAI: [gently] I can wait till he's done. LUKE: She needs stamps. LORELAI: I can wait till he's - LUKE: Just get your stamps. [Lorelai tries to object.] Just get your stamps. LORELAI: But - but, I - LUKE: Oh, my God, the work. [He shakes his head and continues to fill out the form.] LORELAI: I need stamps. KIRK: Well, your timing is perfect. The breakfast-food series just came out last week. [shows sheet to Lorelai] LORELAI: [She gasps with delight.] Look at the dancing toast. KIRK: Aren't they a kick? And here is our cartoon series. LORELAI: Hey, do you have any Lucille Balls left? KIRK: Yes, I have some Balls. [Luke looks up and reacts unnoticed.] I'm sorry. Are you a fan of the '50s-slash-mid-'60s sitcom heroines? LORELAI: I don't know. [eager anticipation] Am I? KIRK: I think you are. LORELAI: [gasps] "Bewitched?" I love "Bewitched." KIRK: Me too. Dr. Bombay was a big influence on me. LORELAI: Oh, my God -- Serena? I wanted to be Serena. With that hair... KIRK: And the miniskirts... LORELAI: And the groovy, psychedelic music... KIRK: Did you practice the twitch? LORELAI: Oh, who didn't practice the twitch? [giggles] [Luke tries to concentrate and begins to look impatient] KIRK: Tabitha was so lucky. And hey, what ever happened to her little brother Adam? I mean, they determined in episode 242 that he was a warlock, and then... LUKE: I'm trying to get divorced here! KIRK: Sorry. LORELAI: [gently] I'm sorry. [There's a long pause while Luke sighs and continues with the form.] KIRK: [speaking quietly] Remember when Endora called him "Derwood?" LORELAI: Shh. [She gestures to Luke, who is shifting impatiently.] KIRK: Sorry. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai enters, approaches and sits at the counter where Luke is prying at a toaster.] LORELAI: Oh man. Beat up the toaster again? LUKE: This damn thing stopped working. LORELAI: Could get another one. LUKE: This one will be fine. LORELAI: Sure -- as soon as it learns its place. You gonna go ten rounds with the coffee maker, or - [Luke is already pouring her a cup of coffee.] Ooh, thank you. What happened to your thumb? LUKE: It's from the thumbprint yesterday. LORELAI: I thought they had inkless pads now. LUKE: They do, Kirk doesn't. LORELAI: Right. LUKE: [He resumes working on the toaster.] He hasn't even heard of them. He just uses the stuff that came in the notary kit he sent away for. I've been scrubbing my thumb for two days. I've tried soap, I've tried cleaning fluid - LORELAI: Have you tried fire? LUKE: Now not only am I divorced, every time I look at my black thumb, I'm reminded that I'm divorced. LORELAI: Sorry about your thumb. LUKE: It's okay. I have another one. LORELAI: Hey, you know what might make you feel better? LUKE: What? LORELAI: Handing me a cherry Danish. LUKE: Well, it's certainly worth a try. [A cell phone in Lorelai's purse rings.] Out. LORELAI: But I just got my coffee. LUKE: Follow the thumb. CUT TO OUTSIDE LUKE'S DINER ENTRANCE LORELAI: Hello? RORY'S VOICE: Who is this? LORELAI: This is Lorelai Gilmore. [Cut between Rory's dorm room and Stars Hollow outside.] RORY: No, this is Lorelai Gilmore. LORELAI: Ooh, "Gaslight." RORY: So, you have my phone. LORELAI: Yes, you left it in the kitchen. You know what that means, don't you? You miss Mommy. RORY: Yes, or that the refrigerator was empty, and I ordered food. LORELAI: Oh, that makes much more sense. RORY: Just hold onto it for me? I'll get it from you next time I see you. LORELAI: Okay -- ooh, hold on, hon. [A second cell phone rings and now she has a cell phone held to each ear.] Hello? JASON: So, I'm officially taking the one hour I have off to go to the driving range to hit golf balls to try to improve my sucky game, thereby redeeming myself in your father's eyes. LORELAI: I like the use of "sucky" and "thereby" in the same sentence. RORY: Hey, who's that? LORELAI: It's Jason. RORY: Tell him hi. [Luke exits the diner and approaches holding Lorelai's Danish.] LORELAI: Hey, Rory says hi. JASON: Tell her hi back. LORELAI: He says hi back. [to Luke] Hi. LUKE: This is a sickness. LORELAI: Well, I'll be in in a minute. LUKE: Who are you talking to? LORELAI: My other two personalities. LUKE: I'll bring this back inside. [He starts to leave.] LORELAI: Wait, wait -- bite. [Luke holds the Danish out and she carefully takes a bite.] LUKE: A frightening picture of things to come. [He goes back inside the diner.] LORELAI: Did you talk to anyone yet? JASON: I left a message for Dad. I talked to Mom, but she just had her morning Mr. Happy pill, so of course she was having a happy morning and was absolutely no help. But I'm on it. LORELAI'S VOICE: A man on a mission. JASON: That's me. RORY: Fire! LORELAI: What? RORY: Nothing. I was just feeling left out. LORELAI: Oh, sorry. JASON: I figure, if he doesn't call me back by 4:00, I'll just go over there. Okay, I'm at the club. I'm gonna hang up now. LORELAI: Call me later. RORY: Me? LORELAI: No. JASON: No? LORELAI: Not you. RORY: Not me? LORELAI: Uh, I'm confused. [She has both phones to her ears.] Who's hanging up now? JASON: Uh, that would be me. LORELAI: Good. Okay. I'll talk to you later. [to Rory] Jason's gone. RORY: Finally had enough of you. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. It took three hours of my hula-dancing, Small World doll impressions, but I broke him. RORY: So, how's World War III going? LORELAI: Oh, you know, the first boys off the boat were mowed down, but the next platoon is moving in. RORY: Which means? LORELAI: Jason's making the lawsuit go away. RORY: Have you talked to Grandma or Grandpa yet? LORELAI: No. RORY: Have you tried to talk to Grandma or Grandpa yet? LORELAI: No. RORY: That's my little Kofi Annan. LORELAI: Jason will fix it. RORY: Jason's not their daughter. LORELAI: Then he might have better luck. RORY: Why didn't you just tell them that you guys were dating? LORELAI: Oh, come on. You know why. We were going to tell them when the time was right. Of course, I had no idea we were dealing with the Carringtons. All we needed was a swimming pool and some ball gowns to really end the evening right. RORY: This is unbelievable. I leave you people alone for one hour and all hell breaks loose. LORELAI: Hey, let's talk about something happy. How did your paper turn out? RORY: It sucked. LORELAI: Why did it suck? RORY: I just couldn't find the right hook. It didn't feel focused enough. I don't know. Professor Fleming's class is so hard. LORELAI: Hon, I bet it was great. RORY: You have to say that 'cause you're my mother. LORELAI: Oh, no. I'm not. I've been looking for the right time to tell you. RORY: Okay, I have to go now. LORELAI: Yeah, me too. Danish calls. RORY: Talk to parents. LORELAI: I'm going to take advice from you after that paper you turned in? RORY: Goodbye. LORELAI: Goodbye. CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT [Zach and Brian are playing a video game while Gil sits patiently tuning his guitar.] ZACH: Dude, come on... I want to do a heavenly prayer. BRIAN: Hold on, I'm trying to do a Vulcan sting, and I just let you do a half-moon death combo. ZACH: You didn't let me -- I used my soul charge. [Lane, holding a notebook, enters and sits.] LANE: Guys, the band meeting started ten minutes ago. ZACH: We can hear and play at the same time, Lane. BRIAN: What? ZACH: What? LANE: Okay, fine. I'm going to decide the set list without you. Hey, Gil, I think now would be a great time to add a little Matchbox Twenty to our sound, don't you? [Zach turns to stare at Lane - giving Brian the advantage of beating Zach at the video game.] TV: Necrid wins! [Zach stares at the TV in shock.] ZACH: [with sarcasm] Thank you, Lane. LANE: You're welcome, Zach. Okay, let's do this. The gig is Friday night. GIL: Oh, hey, Lane. Who's taking care of the guest list? I need to put my wife down. We got a sitter that night, so we are free to party. BRIAN: How many people are we allowed to invite? 'Cause my aunt Susan left my uncle Sid, and she's staying with my parents, and that means she's going to bring my cousin, Turner. LANE: I'm sure that's fine. BRIAN: He goes everywhere dressed like Zorro. LANE: That still seems fine. BRIAN: And he's 16. ZACH: One less wedding you're gonna have to go to, my friend. BRIAN: You don't know that. ZACH: Here. [He hands Lane a folded paper napkin.] LANE: What's this? ZACH: It's the names of a couple chicks I met last night. Put them on the list. LANE: I'm sorry -- why am I suddenly in charge of the guest list? BRIAN: 'Cause you're the most reliable. LANE: How very rock 'n' roll. ZACH: Hey, wait. [He looks at another napkin from his pocket.] Is one of those names Dixie? LANE: Yes. ZACH: Wrong night. [He swaps napkins with Lane.] GIL: I want you guys to see something. I've been working on the flier for the gig. [They gather around Gil.] ZACH: Why is there a sandwich on it? GIL: I used a flier from the sandwich shop to get the dimensions right. It's just a prototype. The real one won't have the sandwich on it. LANE: So, would there be a picture of us where the sandwich is? ZACH: Or we could put the band name where the sandwich is. GIL: Just the name, I think. Diagonal. Across where the sandwich is. BRIAN: Everyone needs to stop saying "sandwich." I'm getting hungry. ZACH: Me too. Do we have anything to eat? LANE: It was your turn to shop. ZACH: Then no. LANE: Great. BRIAN: What kind of sandwich is that? GIL: That's the meatball explosion. BRIAN: That sounds fantastic. ZACH: I would dress up like Zorro for a meatball explosion. BRIAN: Why would those be connected? ZACH: It would be like a dare. BRIAN: I once ate cheesecake off the floor on a dare. ZACH: Cheesecake... GIL: Cheesecake would be good with the meatball explosion. LANE: Okay, fine. [She puts down the notebook and tugs on her jacket.] BRIAN: Where you going? LANE: I'm going to go to the store, and I'm going to get us some food so maybe we can get back to work. Okay? ZACH: Thanks, Mom. [Lane crosses the street and notices a young Korean girl exiting her mother's house in the distance. From behind a tall shrub, Lane watches Mrs. Kim follow the young girl, slip a scarf around her neck and hand her an apple. Lane also notices the young girl is wearing her old sweater. Lane looks shocked then sad.] CUT TO GOLF DRIVING RANGE [Jason is not doing well.] JASON: [muttering to himself] Yeah, sure, that's exactly what I meant to do. [He sees a familiar face walking by.] Hey, Owen, good to see you. [They shake hands.] OWEN: Ah, yes. Good to see you too, Jason. [He quickly turns to leave.] JASON: You know, I was gonna call you about the changes in those contracts I sent over. OWEN: I'll call Richard about them tomorrow. JASON: Okay, or - OWEN: Goodbye, Jason. [Puzzled, Jason watches Owen walk away.] CUT TO DRAGONFLY IN LOBBY [Michel leads a tour group around while talking about the inn.] MICHEL: All of the woodwork was hand-carved by a union soldier that the owner, Mrs. Tinley, took pity on and nursed back to health. He got better, went off, slaughtered a few dozen Confederate soldiers, came back, and made the stairs. Nice story, yes? [The tour group follows Michel to the front lobby.] Yes, your American history is all over this inn. [He points through a window.] Oh, look, a deer. I think I know that little guy -- he was here for breakfast this morning. Creep up quietly. Take a better look. [He sighs as the group "oohs" and "ahhs" around the window. Michel turns to Lorelai, who stands behind the front desk.] I have these people in the palm of my hand. Travel agents are so easy. Are the horses washed? LORELAI: They're washed. MICHEL: Because I'm not bringing them out there to be disgusted by smelly horses. LORELAI: Trust me. They've been hosed down with new-car scent. They're great. MICHEL Okay, let's see -- they saw the deer, we released the doves, I've got the Stevens boy whitewashing the fence in short pants and a straw hat. LORELAI: No one can manufacture a quaint, small-town moment like you, Michel. MICHEL: [grins] Awww... LORELAI: Ooh, travel agents coming back. MICHEL: [His grin evaporates.] Ugh... [His smile reappears as he turns to the group.] Adorable, yes? Okay, let me show you the upstairs, the bedrooms -- [sniffs the air] Oh, what is that delicious scent? Why, I bet our amazing chef, Sookie St. James, is experimenting with her cookie recipe again. Why don't we sneak into the kitchen and see if we can convince her to give us a taste? Okay? Follow me. MAN: Coming through! [Two men pass Michel carrying Sookie between them.] SOOKIE: Coming through! LORELAI: [gasps] Sookie! SOOKIE: I'm okay. LORELAI: What happened? MICHEL: Did you make the cookies? LORELAI: Is it your foot? SOOKIE: I don't think I broke it. [She is grinning.] I didn't even hear a snap this time. LORELAI: Oh, Sookie... MICHEL: What about the cookies? SOOKIE: Ooh, the cookies are on the counter. Caramel-marshmallow-chocolate-chunk. LORELAI: Where are you taking her? MAN: Dr. Su. SOOKIE: Ooh, great. He's the best. CUT TO OUTSIDE DRAGONFLY INN [Lorelai hovers while Sookie settles in the company van preparing to ride to the doctor's office.] LORELAI: Call me the minute you get there. SOOKIE: Okay. God, I love having a kitchen again. LORELAI: You put the doctor on so I can talk to him? SOOKIE: I will. Hey. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: I'm back. [laughing] [As the Inn's van pulls away, Lorelai sees Jason exiting his car and approaching.] LORELAI: Well, this is a nice surprise. JASON: Well, apparently this is a day for surprises. LORELAI: Oh, what's the matter? JASON: I spent the entire day trying to track down your father. LORELAI: Do you want to sit or plant or... JASON: I left messages at his house, on his cell phone...finally, I went to the office, and he wasn't there. LORELAI: O-okay. JASON: The only people that were there were two extremely uncomfortable looking secretaries who practically threw their back out trying to avoid eye contact with me. LORELAI: Why? JASON: Why? Yes. A good question. I asked myself the same thing. And then I got a call from Richard's lawyer. LORELAI: What did he want? JASON: To tell me that Richard's going back into business with my father. LORELAI: What? Jason... no, my father wouldn't do that. JASON: He did it. LORELAI: No, that company forced him out. JASON: And now they have welcomed him back in. He has his own boutique company under their banner, a big office, no overhead. LORELAI: Well, there must be some -- JASON: and he is taking all our clients with him. I...couldn't believe it. I thought it was one of those crazy, not-so-funny, Billy-Crystal-At-The-Oscars kind of jokes, so I spent the last two hours calling every client I could, and they're all gone. LORELAI: Oh, Jason. JASON: The ones I brought in from my father's company, the ones I've brought in since -- all gone. LORELAI: How could he do this? How could my father just take the business from you? JASON: Oh, no, no, no. He left me the business, but without the clients, the business consists of some stationery, a coffee maker, and some rubber pencil grips. LORELAI: I don't understand. Why would my father do that? JASON: Because it's brilliant. It's perfect. He gets my dad to drop the lawsuit, he makes some extra cash, and he's sitting pretty. Makes perfect sense. LORELAI: But he was your partner. JASON: And now he's the guy running around town, bad-mouthing me. It is amazing. Your father has done a very thorough job. I've got nothing. He has ruined my reputation. What do I do now? I don't know. Move? Start over somewhere else? What? [He's pacing nervously.] LORELAI: Well, you can't move. JASON: Well, I have to work, and he's making it pretty impossible for me to work here. Oh, my God. I'm gonna end up in Houston. LORELAI: Jason... JASON: Where all the financial wash ups wash up. It's gonna be me and the Enron boys smoking cigars while their ankle cuffs beep in the background. LORELAI: What can I do? JASON: Nothing. I just needed to vent. I'm okay. Thank you. LORELAI: Come in. JASON: No, no. I can't. I'll call you later. [He gives Lorelai a quick kiss. Lorelai looks helpless as he leaves.] CUT TO YALE BOOK STORE [A large crowd is gathered listening intently to Asher Fleming reading from a book.] ASHER: "I saw then what I had not seen before." [Rory enters and stands close to where a smiling Paris - who is also riveted to Asher's recitation - is seated.] "I saw the stoop of his shoulders, the lines on his face -- like a map of a country I had once traveled with him. I hoped these marks of age reflected wisdom, but I feared they were merely tokens, purchased with lack of sleep and the kind of artificial goodwill that's squeezed from a man in the public eye like oil from a rag.: [He closes the heavy book and crowd applauds. Sitting in front, a redhead wearing low-cut orange sweater smiles coyly at Professor Fleming.] Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind. [A tall slim brunette approaches and whispers in his ear. Paris' smile vanishes.] BRUNETTE: [to the audience] Thank you, Asher Fleming, for that very moving excerpt from your new novel, "Jaglon." It is an absolutely electric book. Now, Professor Fleming has been kind enough to give us one hour, so if you'll just line up behind the table, you can get your book signed, and then take them over to the cash register to purchase them. [to Asher] If you'll just follow me. ASHER: My pleasure. [Rory joins Paris and sits down.] PARIS: God, he was great. Wasn't he great? RORY: He was very impressive. PARIS: He is so commanding. I mean, it's obviously not necessary for a brilliant novelist to also be an extraordinary public speaker, but he is. RORY: Yes, he is. PARIS: And he's sexy as hell. RORY: Teacher. Mine. Thanks. PARIS: Look at all these girls, just flocking around him. They're so obvious. [At the signing table, the redhead flirts with Asher.] ASHER: Well, hello there. REDHEAD: Hello Professor Fleming. I can't tell you what a thrill this is. ASHER: Well, I'm -- I'm flattered. REDHEAD: You're a genius. ASHER: Am I? How delightful. REDHEAD: I'm buying a copy for everyone I know. ASHER: Well, then, you should meet some more people. You'll make my publisher's day. [The redhead giggles.] PARIS: Who is she kidding? Like he can't see right through the multiple-book-buying ploy? I mean, what girl hasn't used that one? RORY: God knows, I have. PARIS: You want to go up and say hi? RORY: No, thanks. You go. PARIS: We won't be disturbing him. I'm his girlfriend. RORY: It's okay. Really. PARIS: Are you hiding from him because of your paper? RORY: I'm not hiding. I just don't need to know how much it sucks before it's time. PARIS: You might be over-reacting. RORY: Oh. No. Smell that? What's that? Oh, yeah. I believe that's my paper. Thanks. I'll stay here. [They watch the progress of autograph signing. The redhead stands nearby.] PARIS: Oh please -- she's going to hover. Pathetic. Hey, did I show you this? [She opens her own copy of his book.] Look. RORY: "To a wise, willful, wonderful woman." PARIS: That's me. He dedicated it to me. RORY: Wow, that's very nice. PARIS: I know. RORY: It's not very specific, but it's very nice. PARIS: Well, what's he supposed to do, write my name? RORY: Perish the thought. PARIS: You know the situation. RORY: I do. PARIS: And as long as I know that the wise, willful, wonderful woman is me, who cares who else knows? RORY: You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just stressed about my paper. PARIS: Well, don't take your loser paper out on me. Is he out of water? I'm going to get him some water. RORY: Paris, I'm sorry. The dedication's nice. PARIS: Thanks. [She leaves while watching more girls hovering around Asher.] Oh, yes. Like they read. [Rory walks toward the store exit as Doyle walks up.] DOYLE: Well, this was a royal waste of my time. However, there were cookies. Here, hold some so I don't look like a pig. RORY: You didn't enjoy the reading? DOYLE: I wasn't here to enjoy the reading. I was here to cover the reading for the paper to go along with the review of the book. And then I arrive only to realize that every single available girl at Yale is here, including four of my reporters. RORY: I'm not here on paper business. I'm here because I enjoy books and because I read books. DOYLE: Please. RORY: I do. DOYLE: And Paris? RORY: She's with me. DOYLE: And Anna and Cassie? RORY: Point, Doyle. DOYLE: Everybody's here because Fleming's an intellectual dreamboat. RORY: Well, I'm not here for the dreamboat. DOYLE: God, that man. He's got a constant rotation going. A new girl every year. Very young, of course. Last year it was Trey Myers. God, was she beautiful. She looked like what I always pictured a Swedish stewardess to be. RORY: Really? DOYLE: Yep. Then they broke up at the end of the term, and she rebounded with a drama major. RORY: So, any idea who he's seeing now? DOYLE: Actually, no. This year's girl is a bit of a mystery. Maybe he's already broken up with one, and he's trolling for another. [scoffs] My money's on the redhead. [They both observe the redhead still loitering near Asher.] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE INTERIOR FRONT DOOR [The doorbell rings. The maid opens the door for Lorelai.] LORELAI: Hi. I'm looking for my father. Big guy, bow tie. MAID: Mr. Gilmore's in the living room. LORELAI: Thank you. [She enters the sitting room where Richard is seated reading a book.] Well, you're here. RICHARD: Lorelai. I didn't know you were coming over. LORELAI: I called. RICHARD: Yes. Well, I haven't been in the mood to talk. LORELAI: Well, we need to. [She sets her purse down on the coffee table.] RICHARD: I felt like reading. LORELAI: Why are you doing this, Dad? RICHARD: Well, reading is good for you. You learn things. LORELAI: Jason was your partner. RICHARD: [inhales deeply] If we are going to discuss this, let's go into my office. LORELAI: Jason was your partner, and he said he was gonna take care of it. RICHARD: Lorelai... LORELAI: Dad -- no, I'm fine talking right here. Jason said he was taking care of everything, and you didn't even give him a chance before you cut him out - RICHARD: This is business. LORELAI: No, you took everything from him, Dad. You're ruining his reputation. You're making it impossible for him to work. RICHARD: I did what I had to do. LORELAI: You didn't have to do this. RICHARD: Well, thank you for your opinion. LORELAI: That company was so horrible to you. They treated you like dirt, they forced you out, and you chose them over him? RICHARD: I am not choosing anyone over - LORELAI: I just don't understand why you would do this. Is it because of me? Are you taking this out on him because -- RICHARD: [raising his voice] Did you not hear what the man said? Did you not hear Floyd threaten to go after everything your mother and I have? LORELAI: Yes - RICHARD: Everything I've worked for. This house, our livelihood. LORELAI: There has to be something else you can do. [Emily appears unnoticed at the top of the stairs.] RICHARD: Go home, Lorelai. LORELAI: No, Dad, please... I'm -- I'm sorry that I lied to you about dating Jason, but you can't destroy him like this. [Emily moves closer to listen, still unnoticed.] RICHARD: I'm hardly destroying him. LORELAI: You took his entire business. You've left him with nothing. He's talking about moving. Leaving. RICHARD: So what? LORELAI: [incredulous] So? I'm in a relationship with him. RICHARD: Then go with him. LORELAI: You know I can't go with him. I have a business, I have a house, I have Rory. I can't just pick up and leave. RICHARD: Well, then, you've made your choice. LORELAI: Dad, stop it. RICHARD: I am tired of this, Lorelai. You've shown absolutely no concern about what happens to me, what happens to your mother. The only thing you care about is what happens to your boyfriend. And the worst part of it... is that I never expected you to act any differently. [Richard walks off. Lorelai, looking crushed, picks up her purse to leave.] CUT TO RICHARD'S STUDY [Emily enters and approaches Richard, who is seated at his desk.] EMILY: Is it really necessary? RICHARD: Is what really necessary? EMILY: Going after Jason like this. RICHARD: I didn't know you were a fan of Jason's. EMILY: I'm not. I'm just concerned. RICHARD: What are you concerned about, Emily? EMILY: It took us a long time to get Lorelai back into this house, and she is dating Jason. RICHARD: What are you saying? EMILY: I worry that if you do this, you'll drive Lorelai away again. And if she goes, Rory might go. RICHARD: She lied to us. To you. To me. EMILY: I am very well aware of what she did. RICHARD: The last time I checked, you didn't care for being lied to. EMILY: Don't be condescending. I don't like being lied to. RICHARD: [pointedly] We can't control what Lorelai will do. Rory won't go away. I'm doing what I have to do. [He returns to his reading, ending their conversation. Emily stands for a moment silently thinking, then leaves without a word.] CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT [Lane is talking on the phone to Rory. The scenes cut from Rory walking on Yale campus to Lane's apartment.] LANE: Who does she think she is? Just walking out of my house like she owned the place. RORY: Your mom didn't just go out and get another kid. LANE: Korea is where you go to get new kids. Ask anyone. RORY: There has to be another explanation. LANE: The explanation is -- I've been replaced. RORY: You have not been replaced. LANE: She was wearing my bunny sweater. RORY: You hated that bunny sweater. That's why you left it there. LANE: She also had my second-least-favorite scarf, and she was eating my apple. RORY: What apple? LANE: The apple my mother would have given me if I still lived there. RORY: Which you don't by your own choice, might I add. LANE: Now you're taking her side. RORY: I'm not taking her side. LANE: I've been replaced. Drop by when you're in town, meet your new best friend. RORY: Lane... LANE: Tip her well when she waits on you at Luke's. Head over to the church with her, share a pew. RORY: Lane... LANE: My mom has found a new daughter. I bet this one can needlepoint. RORY: Look, I've got to go. Paris said I could use ten daytime minutes on her phone, and after that, her exorbitant prevailing rates apply, so I'll call you back when I get to my room. LANE: Oh, wait, are you coming to the gig on Friday? RORY: Gig? Yes. What time do you go on? LANE: Eight o'clock. Which means 8:30. RORY: Shoot. Friday night dinner. LANE: Oh, I forgot. RORY: I don't think I'll make it in time. LANE: That's okay. RORY: But I want to see your gig. LANE: We will have other gigs. Of course, by that time the other Lane will be drumming in the band. RORY: Well, as long as she's got a good downbeat. LANE: Have you gone out for the pep squad yet? RORY: I'll call you in a little while. Bye. LANE: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO YALE HALLWAY [Rory waits patiently while other students anxiously pull graded papers from a wall tray.] RORY: Excuse me. STUDENT 1: Oh, right. [He moves aside.] A B-minus. Oh, thank god. RORY: Not bad. [She shuffles through the remaining papers.] STUDENT 1: Are you kidding? A B-minus in Fleming's class is like... an "A" anywhere else in sane America. [Student 2 nods in agreement.] Let's celebrate. [They leave. Rory pulls her paper from stack and is startled to see "A - Excellent" written in red on the cover.] CUT TO RORY'S DORM ROOM [Rory is studying on the sofa while loud music plays loudly from above. She stands, grabs a nearby broom and bangs on the ceiling repeatedly. She also hears pounding on the front door and answers it. Lorelai enters.] LORELAI: College is loud! RORY: Yes, it's part of our training. It's right up there with the bad food, the sleep deprivation, and how to hold your own hair while throwing up. LORELAI: Awww. [She kisses Rory on the head as they walk to and sit down on the sofa.] RORY: What are you doing here? LORELAI: Inn stuff. I had to pick up hinges and doorknobs and faucets. RORY: Oh, my. LORELAI: And I figured, while I was in the 'hood, I'd drop this off. [She hands Rory her cell phone.] RORY: Hey, thanks. [The music stops.] LORELAI: You're welcome. RORY: Hey, you didn't have to do that. You could have just given it to me at Friday night dinner. LORELAI [chuckles] I could have. RORY: Unless you're not going to Friday night dinner. [Lorelai sighs.] You're not going to Friday night dinner. LORELAI: Rory? RORY: Why? LORELAI: Things have gotten worse. RORY: How could they be worse? They were already at worse. LORELAI: Dad is going after Jason, and...it's complicated but it's really bad. And I went over there to try to talk to him about it, and he was horrible. He said awful things to me. RORY: Like what? LORELAI: Like things. It doesn't matter, but I -- I can't just go and sit there and make small talk and pretend that everything's okay. RORY: Mom... LORELAI: Because it's not okay. RORY: You were mad, he was mad, you said some things... LORELAI: No, Rory. RORY: No. Now, I don't doubt that it was bad. You and Grandpa can make each other crazy, but maybe once he calmed down, he was sorry. LORELAI: He is not sorry. RORY: You could be wrong. Maybe if we go over there and give him a chance to make it right, he would. LORELAI: Oh, boy, honey, you're living in fuzzy-puppy land. RORY: Mom, it's really important to me that you don't back out of Friday night dinners. They're the only time that the whole family gets together. Sometimes it's the only time that I get to see you, and I like having it there. It's really important to me. LORELAI: Rory, come on. RORY: I'm serious. Please, just give him a chance to make it up to you. Please. I'll be there. I'll be your buffer. LORELAI: [laughs] You will, huh? RORY: Absolutely. They can focus on me, you can focus on me... LORELAI: What about when he throws his glass of water in my face? RORY: Then I will get very wet. LORELAI: I'm holding you to that. RORY: Yep. [The loud music from upstairs begins again. They both look up.] LORELAI: Wow. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lane's bustling around behind the counter during a very busy customer rush.] LANE: [calling into the kitchen] Caesar, I need a turkey burger, fries well-done, and I'm still waiting for that grilled cheese and tomato. CAESAR: Patience is a virtue. LANE: Light a candle, and tell it to the pope. I want my grilled cheese, pronto. [She grabs the coffee pot and prepares to make the rounds.] KIRK: Excuse me, Lane? LANE: Uh, yes, Kirk. KIRK: I'm a little confused. LANE: About what, Kirk? KIRK: Well, I'm looking at this flier you gave me, and what exactly do you have to do to get the sandwich? LANE: What? KIRK: I mean, does everyone who shows up get a sandwich, or is it first come, first sandwich? LANE: Oh, that's a mistake. The sandwich isn't supposed to be there. KIRK: What are you saying? LANE: I'm saying that's just a flier for our band. We're playing Friday at 8:30. KIRK: So, there's no sandwiches. LANE: No. KIRK: Then, why would I go? LANE: To hear some great music. KIRK: Oh. Can I bring my own sandwich? LUKE: Hey, Lane? [Lane approaches the counter where Luke is leaning.] I know it's time for your break now, but is it okay if I let Caesar take his? LANE: He owes me a grilled cheese. LUKE: I'll do it. He's gotta run to the bank or something. To be honest, I wasn't paying too much attention, 'cause he was bugging me. LANE: No problem. [Caesar appears and hands Lane the grilled cheese plate.] LUKE: Thanks. [Lane looks out the diner window and sees the young Korean girl walking nearby.] LANE: I'm taking my 10! [She plunks down the plate and rushes out the diner door.] KIRK: [He looks at the abandoned plate on the nearby empty table.] That looks like it travels well. CUT TO STAR'S HOLLOW SIDEWALK [Lane rushes up to the girl and taps her on the shoulder.] LANE: Hey. KOREAN GIRL: [startled] Oh. LANE: Who are you? KOREAN GIRL: [Korean accent] Hi. LANE: What are you doing here? KOREAN GIRL: Where? LANE: Why are you living in my house? KOREAN GIRL: Your house? LANE: That house right there. It's mine. KOREAN GIRL: I'm staying there. LANE: Why? Are we related? KOREAN GIRL: I hope not. LANE: How do you know Mrs. Kim? KOREAN GIRL: I am exchange student from Seoul. I'm here for three months, and Mrs. Kim is my host. LANE: Exchange student, huh? KOREAN GIRL: Yes. Who are you? LANE: I'm Mrs. Kim's daughter. She did tell you she had a daughter, right? KOREAN GIRL: Yes. LANE: Well, she does, and it's me. So, you can try whatever tricks you want. I will always be her daughter. KOREAN GIRL: Why are you so mad? LANE: Because you stole my life. KOREAN GIRL: I did not steal your life. LANE: You're living in my room. You're wearing my clothes. And don't tell me you always looked like that. [The girl starts yelling in Korean.] I'm not very crazy! [The girl continues speaking excitedly in Korean.] How would you like it if I moved into your house?! [Still yelling in Korean, the girl turns to leave.] Why don't you just go back home?! KOREAN GIRL: Mrs. Kim...[Yelling the remainder in Korean, she runs back to Mrs. Kim's house.] LANE: [calls after her] You don't have to feel sorry for Mrs. Kim! Mrs. Kim is fine! And give me back my sweater, and my second-least-favorite scarf! CUT TO YALE CLASSROOM [Professor Fleming concludes class with instructions.] ASHER: On Tuesday, we'll continue our look at "Neglect of the Individual" as a hallmark of modern government. Be prepared to discuss Kafka's "The Trial." Yes, if, uh, if all goes well, it'll get very ugly. Thank you, everyone. [The class chuckles as they all rise to leave. Rory walks past Asher's desk on her way out.] Oh, very nice job on your paper, Miss Gilmore. RORY: Oh, thank you. [She pauses.] You know, Professor Fleming, I was actually a little surprised by my grade. ASHER: Were you? Well, you deserved it. You did good work. RORY: To be honest, I don't feel like I did. ASHER: Ah, a perfectionist. RORY: No, I'm not a perfectionist. I just know when I do well and when I don't. ASHER: You know, this sounds as if you're questioning your grade. RORY: Well, maybe I am. ASHER: Well, this is a first. Today alone, I've heard complaints from, uh... two "D"s, four "C"s, and an "F," but, uh, not from an "A." In fact, in 35 years of teaching, I've never heard from an "A." RORY: I just want to be sure that the grade I got is... what I deserve. ASHER: What exactly are you saying, Miss Gilmore? RORY: Just that if the grade I got wasn't... legitimately earned, then I have no interest in it. ASHER: Oh, how very noble of you. RORY: I intend to earn all of my grades. I don't want any favors. ASHER: And why exactly would you think that I'd be inclined to grant you any favors? RORY: I'm not saying that you are -- ASHER: You're not? Oh, then I must have misunderstood this conversation. RORY: I'm just saying that -- ASHER: Yes? RORY: That I want to earn all of my grades. ASHER: Yes, you've already said that. RORY: No matter how many "wise, willful, and wonderful women" I know. ASHER: Have you quite finished? RORY: I suppose I am. [She turns to leave.] ASHER: Oh, before you go any further, Miss Gilmore, let me assure you that I do not give grades that are not earned. I gave you an "A" because your argument was well-structured, your writing was clear and concise, and you drew a connection from Marsilius of Padua to Machiavelli to the modern age of media that PhD candidates would envy. In fact, no one else's paper was that thoroughly researched. Except for the other person who also got an "A." You did what was demanded, and you did it well. And I would seriously caution you not to question my grading tactics again. RORY: Okay. Thanks for the "A." [She pauses at the door before leaving.] And the redhead has fat thighs. [Asher slams his briefcase closed looking a bit perturbed.] CUT TO FRONT DRIVEWAY OF ELDER GILMORE HOUSE [Rory is leading her mother toward the front door.] RORY: Come on. LORELAI: Hey, hey, there's no hurry. We're early. RORY: Yes, but we're here, so we might as well go in and get it over with. LORELAI: Okay, just relax, why don't you? I would like to stop and smell the roses if you don't mind. RORY: Mom... LORELAI: You're young. You don't understand these things. I'm old, I'm dying, I'm gonna smell a rose. Oh, I don't see a rose. I think there's one next door. RORY: You're being a tad ridiculous. Come on. LORELAI: [morosely] On a scale of one to a million, how awful do you think tonight's gonna be? RORY: Well, how high a number did you think the walk up the driveway was? LORELAI: Ugh. You know, I wonder which tact my dad's gonna pick tonight. I bet he goes with the silent treatment. RORY: Or maybe...he won't. LORELAI: Yeah, you're right. He might prefer the full-on, frontal assault. You know, just constant mental flogging right from "dingdong" through till "drive safe." RORY: Well, at least he said "drive safe." LORELAI: Oh, no. It wasn't him. It was the maid. RORY: Right. LORELAI: Or maybe Dad will be fine, and Emily will be on the attack. Yeah, a little good cop/bad cop if you know what I mean. Keep me on my toes. I won't be expecting that. RORY: Except that you are. Ready? [She reaches for the doorbell.] LORELAI: [She stops Rory.] Okay -- wait, just wait -- we can still leave. RORY: No. LORELAI: Rory... right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there." RORY: I will be right beside you, okay? LORELAI: Okay. But I'm telling you... if my dad gets ugly, I'm out of there. [Rory pulls her hand from Lorelai's grasp, pats her arm reassuringly and rings the bell. Moments later Richard opens the door.] RICHARD: Lorelai. Rory. You're early. [He is surprised.] RORY: Yeah, no traffic. RICHARD: No? Well, that's very -- uh, come in. [He appears distracted/] CUT TO SITTING ROOM [Lorelai and Rory follow Richard to the sitting room.] RICHARD: Did you hit much traffic? [He is animatedly jovial.] RORY: Um...no. No traffic at all. RICHARD: Well, good. Uh, nothing like an hour stuck in traffic to ruin your complete day. LORELAI: Heh. [The girls remove their coats and sit down on loveseat - unsure what to think of Richard's odd behavior.] RICHARD: Should I take your coats? LORELAI: That's okay. We can just put them here. [She settles her coat beside her.] RICHARD: All right. Well, you're early, so I'm not quite organized yet, but, uh, shall we have some drinks? LORELAI: Okay. RICHARD: All right. [He bounces to the bar table.] There's no ice. Do we need ice? LORELAI: Uh. [shrugs] RICHARD: [laughs] Of course we need ice. There's some in the kitchen. I'll go get it. RORY: Okay. [Richard exits.] He doesn't seem mad. LORELAI: All depends on which definition of "mad" you're going with. [Emily enters and rushes past them, toward the stairs with her coat and purse clutched in her arms.] LORELAI: Mom... EMILY: Lorelai. Rory. You're early. [She tries to hide her surprise.] RORY: Um, yeah, we didn't hit any traffic, so... EMILY: Well, I-it's nice to see you. [She approaches and deposits her coat on the back of the sofa.] LORELAI: Where were you? EMILY: When? LORELAI: Just now. EMILY: O-oh, well, I had to run out to the store. LORELAI: To get what? EMILY: They were out. RICHARD: Emily... the girls are early. EMILY: I see that. Is that ice? RICHARD: Yes. We need it to make the drinks. [He spills ice on the carpet.] Oh, shoot. EMILY: You should take the bucket into the kitchen the next time. [Her purse is still slung over her shoulder as she picks up scattered ice.] RICHARD: Yes, that would've been the smart thing to do. Well, I was making drinks. EMILY: So, uh, Rory, how is school? [She is animatedly cheerful.] RORY: It's fine. Um, I just got an "A" on a paper. EMILY: Oh, well, that's wonderful. LORELAI You gonna let go of that purse, Mom? EMILY: What? LORELAI: Well, you're holding pretty tightly to your purse there. You look like someone's Tante Flickman. EMILY: Oh, well, I, uh, just...there. [She reluctantly sets the purse beside her.] LORELAI: Okay. EMILY: It's new. LORELAI: The purse? EMILY: Yes, it's new. I'm trying to break it in. LORELAI: Sure. Otherwise, you'd get blisters. RICHARD: Well, here we are. [He approaches with a full tray of drinks and passes them out.] Lorelai. LORELAI: Thank you. RICHARD: And soda for Rory. Emily? Well, good. [With an awkward pause, he moves to stand behind Emily.] Uh, so...Cheers. LORELAI: Cheers. RORY: Cheers. EMILY: Cheers. RICHARD: So, Rory, how's school? RORY: Fine. I just got an "A" on a...paper. RICHARD: Oh. LORELAI: Has she told you about the traffic? [The maid enters.] MAID: Dinner's ready. LORELAI: It is? EMILY: [She checks her watch.] It's only just 7:00 now. MAID: Oh, I'm sorry. What time did you want dinner? You didn't tell me, so... EMILY: You know what? It's all right. We'll just eat now. LORELAI: Now? RORY: Okay. LORELAI: But what do we do with our - EMILY: Just take your drinks to the table. [She rises to leave.] LORELAI: [incredulous] Take our drinks to the - RICHARD: Oh, I'll grab the cocktail napkins. [He rushes off to the dining room.] LORELAI: But - Mom, you left your purse. EMILY: Oh, yes. LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: What? LORELAI: I was just kidding, Mom. EMILY: [cheerfully] Oh, you. [She leaves the room.] LORELAI: Uh, okay, so every time they ask you about school or traffic, just do a shot. RORY: Shh. [They both rise to follow Emily and Richard to the dining room.] CUT TO DINING ROOM [They are all seated, eating in silence. The only noise is the sound of utensils clinking against china. Lorelai and Rory look around the silent table. The maid enters to clear Lorelai's plate.] LORELAI: Thank you. [After a long silent pause while the maid clears the rest of the dishes, Lorelai clears her throat.] So, what's for dessert? EMILY: We're not having dessert. RORY: We're not? EMILY: I-I'm on a diet. RICHARD: Americans are extremely fat. LORELAI: I think they prefer Rubenesque. RORY: You're not fat, Grandma. EMILY: Well, thank you, Lorelai. [Rory looks at Lorelai, who shrugs.] LORELAI: She was close. [They all sit in silence at the long empty table.] Well, okay. If we're not having dessert, then... we should go? EMILY: All right. [She tosses down her napkin and quickly rises.] RICHARD: See you next Friday EMILY: Thank you for coming. RORY: Oh. Thank you for having us. EMILY: Oh, wait. The Gordons' gave us some wonderful chocolate last week. They brought it back from Belgium. You can take it with you. [She exits to the kitchen.] LORELAI: No, Mom, that's okay. We're fine. RICHARD: These are really good chocolates, Lorelai. LORELAI: I'm sure they are, Dad. RICHARD: [calling out] Did you find them, Emily? RORY: Grandpa, we can just get them next time. RICHARD: [cheerfully] Oh, nonsense. You can eat them on the way home. Emily? EMILY: Here they are. I've got them. [She hands each of them an elegant paper bag.] One for you and one for you. Enjoy. LORELAI: We will. [There is a long pause as they stand awkwardly together in the dining room.] Okay, uh... we're leaving now. Have a good evening and get some sleep. EMILY: All right. [Lorelai gestures to hurry Rory as they exit the room.] RICHARD: Good night. [Emily waves. Neither of them follows Lorelai and Rory to the door.] CUT TO EXTERIOR OF ELDER GILMORE HOME [The door closes behind Lorelai and Rory.] LORELAI: What the hell was that? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: Jack Nicholson and Angelina Jolie just kicked us out with parting gifts. RORY: Dessert to go. LORELAI: As much as the thought of an early end to Friday night dinner and dessert for the road appeals to me, that was just weird. RORY: [She looks inside her paper bag.] She made a tin-foil swan. LORELAI: What was up with the drinks and the dinner she knew nothing about, and where was she coming from, anyhow? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: She had to "run to the store." Since when? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: And she came back with nothing. Ooh, and the purse. Did you notice the purse? RORY: They say people change as they get older. I just didn't think it was all in one week. LORELAI: There is something wrong here. [She notices a car parked in the driveway.] Why is my mother's car here? RORY: She was in a hurry? LORELAI: My mother never parks her car in the driveway, because the car might drip oil and make a spot on the concrete, and then life as we know it would end. [She approaches the car and looks in the windows.] RORY: What are you doing? LORELAI: Just seeing what's in her car. RORY: Why? LORELAI: Because -- I don't know. I just feel like something's up. [She hears a noise.] She's coming. RORY: Who? LORELAI: Mom. Hurry. [She rushes to hide in bushes, pulling Rory with her.] RORY: What are you doing? Good shoes, good shoes, good shoes. [Emily exits the house with dry cleaning in hand and gets inside her car. The engine turns over.] LORLELAI: She's leaving. RORY: Where's she going? LORLELAI: I don't know. She left her house with dry cleaning, and she drove off? RORY: She was meeting friends? LORELAI: Tonight? After dinner? RORY: Maybe? LORELAI: [sighs] I'm sorry. This might be crazy, but... is my mom not staying here tonight? RORY: Well... CUT TO STAGE OF ROCK AND ROLL GIG [Loud music plays while Zach and Gil sing. Lane smiles while she plays the drums. The song ends with a big flourish. The crowd cheers loudly.] LANE: Great gig! Awesome gig! ZACH: [He grins at Brian.] You're starting to wheeze on the beat, dude. BRIAN: I've been practicing. GIL: Man, I am feeling it. We have hit the next level. LANE: We have, haven't we? GIL: You heard the crowd. ZACH: Dude, what was with the shirt raise? GIL: Hey, man, when I'm playing like that, there is no room for clothes. ZACH: We need a sign, 'cause I was staring right at you when you took it off. I felt like putting a buck in your pants. GIL: Hey, I wouldn't turn it down. WOMAN: Brian, honey! BRIAN: [He walks over to a table.] Hey, Mom. BRIAN'S DAD: You kids were excellent. BRIAN: Thanks, Dad. Hey, Aunt Susan. Hey...Turner. TURNER: [He is dressed as Zorro.] Hey, Brian. BRIAN'S MOM: I brought carrot sticks. You want a carrot stick, Brian? BRIAN: Yeah, thanks. [Gil, Zach and Lane still stand on the stage.] LANE: He really does wear a Zorro costume. GIL: I gotta go find my wife. [He leaves.] LANE: I'm so jazzed right now. That was great! We have never played that good. [Zach and Lane sit on the edge of the stage.] ZACH: You've never played that good. LANE: Really? [Zach nods.] You've never given me a compliment, ever. ZACH: What am I, your mother? [They both laugh.] Ew. LANE: What? [Zach points to a corner where Gil is passionately kissing a slinky dressed woman.] Oh. ZACH: Who is that? LANE: I think it's his wife. ZACH: Seriously, that is just wrong. LANE: He should celebrate. We all should celebrate. Stay out all night, hit the clubs, and talk about our Rolling Stones cover -- "Garden of Eden" theme. [Two girls walk up to them.] SHANNON: Hi, Zach. ZACH: Shannon. SHANNON: You remembered? ZACH: I can read a napkin, sweetheart. [to the second girl] Nice pants. GIRL 2: You're a god. ZACH: And we shall discuss this further at the bar. [He puts an arm around each girl and they walks off together.] So, what did you think of the lyrics? [Lane watches them leave, then glances over at Gil still making out with his wife in the corner. She wanders past the table where Brian's family is gathered and eventually sits at her drum set all alone.] CUT TO OUTSIDE NIGHT IN STAR'S HOLLOW - AT "KIM'S ANTIQUES" DOOR. [Lane slowly approaches the door, inserts her house key in the lock, and quietly enters. She opens her bedroom door and sees the young Korean girl sleeping in her bed. She sadly exits, pauses in the hallway, then moves to her mother's bedroom. Lane quietly enters and watches her mother sleeping peacefully. Lane gently kisses her mother's forehead and quietly leaves.] CUT TO COFFEE SHOP IN HARTFORD [Lorelai and Jason are seated at the counter.] LORELAI: So, I spent all morning on the phone calling every hotel in the area with a decent high tea, and there she was. Grafton Hotel, room 421. Check-out date indefinite. JASON: I'm sorry. LORELAI: I can't believe my parents are separated. I mean, I dreamed about this as a kid. Of course, my scenario also involved my mother finding her inner Timothy Leary and moving us all out to a commune in Berkeley, but still... I was convinced that these people should not be together, but you know what? I was wrong. Richard and Emily Gilmore were made for each other. God, this is so...freaky. And I'm not supposed to know, and of course we won't talk about it, because we don't do that in our family. We repress everything, and we refuse to go to therapy, because why tell a stranger your problems, when you can use them to punish those around you? So, what now? Every Friday I'm supposed to pretend that they still live together, and then after we leave, my mother will get in her car and drive back to the hotel? The hotel. My mother's living in a hotel. It's weird. It's just incredibly weird. [sighs] I'm sorry. I just needed to vent. JASON: You have every right. LORELAI: I'm done now. There's nothing I can do about them, so... [sighs] Talk to me. You were gonna tell me something. JASON: I'm suing your father. [Lorelai scoffs softly.] I have to, Lorelai. LORELAI: No, you don't. JASON: I've gone over it. I've weighed every option. I have to respond. I cannot just sit here and do nothing when my entire career is going up in flames. LORELAI: Jason, please. Don't do this. JASON: Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe he'll settle. LORELAI: He won't settle. JASON: It's just business. LORELAI: Oh, my God. I'm so sick of hearing people say that. JASON: You know I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to. LORELAI: You don't have to. JASON: If I intend to continue working in my chosen profession, then, yeah, I have to. LORELAI: Don't be just a business guy. Put this on another level. Please. JASON: I can't. LORELAI: Unbelievable. JASON: Lorelai... I have no choice. I have to fight back. LORELAI: Jason... JASON: I will keep you out of this. I promise. LORELAI: [pauses] I can't be with someone who's suing my family. JASON: Lorelai, come on. LORELAI: I'm sorry. JASON: You saw what your father did to me. LORELAI: I know what he did to you. JASON: And he is not gonna stop until there's nothing left. LORELAI: I'm asking you not to do this. JASON: Ask me something else. Anything else. LORELAI: This is what I want. JASON: You know how hard I work. My job is who I am. I can't lose everything. You have to understand why I'm doing this. LORELAI: I do understand. But I can't be with someone who's suing my family. JASON: Lorelai... [After a long pause, Lorelai quietly picks up her purse and walks out without looking back.]	Plan: A: Luke; Q: Who finalizes his divorce? A: the band's latest gig; Q: What event leaves Lane feeling lonely? A: a big hit; Q: What is the band's latest gig? A: Lane; Q: Who is upset to discover that her mother has taken in a Korean exchange student? A: its opening date; Q: What does the Dragonfly Inn near? A: Michel; Q: Who gives travel agents a tour of the Dragonfly Inn? A: the grand tour; Q: What does Michel give to travel agents? A: the kitchen; Q: Where is Sookie back to work at the Dragonfly Inn? A: her feet; Q: What is Sookie not back on? A: Doyle; Q: Who tells Rory about Asher's reputation as a serial student dater? A: Asher; Q: Who is displeased when Rory questions whether the "A" he gave her for a paper she thought she did poorly on has any connection to her friendship with Paris? A: Lorelai; Q: Who breaks up with Richard after he sues Jason? A: Jason; Q: Who decides to sue Richard after discovering his treachery? A: Korean; Q: What nationality is the exchange student Lane confronts? A: the girl; Q: Who does Lane confront when she sees her wearing her old clothes? A: Lorelai and Rory, Emily; Q: Who is afraid that Richard's actions will put a rift in their relationship? A: Emily; Q: Who asks Richard to reconsider his actions? A: her husband; Q: Who does Emily ask to reconsider Richard's actions? A: Friday; Q: On what night does Lorelai discover that her mother has moved out of the house? A: a hotel; Q: Where has Lane's mother moved to? Summary: Luke finalizes his divorce; the band's latest gig is a big hit, but leaves Lane feeling lonely; as the Dragonfly Inn nears its opening date, Michel gives travel agents the grand tour and Sookie is back in the kitchen, if not on her feet; Doyle clues Rory in on Asher's reputation as a serial student dater; Lorelai and Richard have it out over his treatment of Jason; Lane is upset to discover that her mother has taken in a Korean exchange student who could be her double, and confronts the girl when she sees her wearing her old clothes; when Jason decides to sue Richard after discovering his treachery, Lorelai breaks up with him; afraid that Richard's actions will put a rift in their relationship with Lorelai and Rory, Emily asks her husband to reconsider, but he brushes her off; Asher is displeased when Rory questions whether the "A" he gave her for a paper she thought she did poorly on has any connection to her friendship with Paris; after Richard and Emily act very strangely during Friday night dinner, Lorelai does a little investigating and discovers that her mother has moved out of the house and into a hotel; Lane begins to realize how much she misses her mother.
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is pouring Rachel coffee.] Gunther: Here you go. Rachel: Thank you. Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe you'd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover. Mark: (entering) Hi! Rachel: Hi! All right, let's go shoppin'!! Mark: Um, y'know, before we go ah, there's something I need to say. Rachel: Oh, okay. Mark: I've kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now. (Gunther gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room) Rachel: Wow! Umm.... (She's interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.) Gunther: I dropped a cup. Opening Credits [Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Pete and Monica are returning from their date.] Pete: ...so y'know, that's why, within a few years, that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you could be like-like, 'Wash my car.' 'Clean my room.' It's not gonna be able to do any of those things, but it'll understand what you're saying. Monica: Oh, this is so great. Pete: Yeah, it was. Monica: All right then. (He leans in to kiss her goodnight, but she quickly kisses him on the cheek and pats his shoulder.) Bye. (She goes into her apartment and sees Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross sitting there.) Monica: Hello, people who do not live here. All: Hi! Hello! Monica: I gave you a key for emergencies! Phoebe: We were out of Doritos. Ross: Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire? Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately. Monica: He's great! I mean we have such a good time together! He's so funny, and sooo sweet, and I'm not attracted to him at all!! Ross: Still?! Monica: Noo!! It's driving me crazy. I mean every other way he's like the perfect guy, he has everything. Plus! He actually has everything. Chandler: Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image? Monica: Two. Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight? Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits) Ross: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play. Monica and Phoebe: Oh. Chandler: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you. [Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play he's in.] The Director: Joe. How's it going? Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey. Kate: Hi. Joey: Oh, so you're playing Adrienne, huh? Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins? Joey: Oh, no. Ah, I playing your husband, Victor. I'm Joey Tribianni. Kate: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller. (She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.) Joey: So the ah, play's pretty great, huh? Kate: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Van Murray's work. She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class. Joey: Oh, forget about it. She rocks! Kate: Where do I know you from? Joey: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat. Kate: No, that's not it. So, you're a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm? Joey: Hey, I've done plays before. I'm a serious actor. Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! You're-you're-you're the guy that doesn't know how to pour milk!! Joey: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldn't. Now, see, that's acting. Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie. Joey: Yeah, that was real. [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe about Mark, as Gunther eavesdrops behind them.] Phoebe: Wow! I cannot believe Mark asked you out. Rachel: I know. Phoebe: What, so what are you gonna tell him? Rachel: Well, I told him I would think about it, but I'm gonna tell him no. Phoebe: Huh. (Gunther tries to swoop in to ask Rachel out.) Rachel: I mean I think I'd say no to anybody right now. (Hearing this Gunther swoops back to cleaning tables.) Oh, but it was so strange. I mean I'm standing there with this charming, cute guy, who's asking me to go out with him, which I'm allowed to do, and I felt guilty. Y'know, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something. Phoebe: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, you're not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father. Rachel: I don't have any issues with my Father. Phoebe: Okay, so it's probably just the Ross thing then. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is telling Chandler about Kate.] Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I can't do it, they're all like-like laughing at me. Ross: (entering) Hello. Chandler and Joey: Hey! Ross: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute. Joey: Wow, what-what do you think she wants? Ross: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realises that life without me.... a-sucks. Chandler: It's possible. You are very loveable, I'd miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive. Ross: Then be supportive like a guy. Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, I'd miss you. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as Ross enters, walking very confidently.] Ross: Hi. Rachel: Hi! Ross: You ah, wanted to see me? Rachel: Yeah. Ahh, here's a box of your stuff. (hands him a box) Ross: What?! Rachel: Oh, y'know, it's just like hats, and a shirt, and CD's, just sort of stuff that you've left here. Ross: What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt me? Or something? Rachel: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y'know it's time we-we y'know, move on. I mean, I mean don't' you think? Ross: Yes. Rachel: Yeah? Ross: Yes, I do. Rachel: Good. Ross: Yeah, I-I really do. (takes a dinosaur mug out of the box) Hey! This-this was a gift?! Rachel: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop. Ross: It's still a gift! I got it from the gift shop! Rachel: Okay, all right, give me the mug! I'll keep the mug. Ross: No!! Y'know-y'know don't do me any favours. In fact, where, where's the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, (picks up a book) Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? I'd like that back too. Yes, I do. Rachel: You know how much I love that T-shirt! You never even where that T-shirt! Ross: I'm just trying to help you, move on. Rachel: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty.... Ross: Petty... Rachel: Petty... (goes into her room) Ross: Petty... Rachel: Petty... Ross: Petty... Rachel: Small... Ross: Small... (Rachel comes back into the living room and catches Ross mocking her.) Rachel: You are so just doing this out of spite. Ross: Awwwahuh, no, no, no!! Rachel: Huh? Ross: I'm-I'm gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt) Rachel: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesn't even fit you anymore! Ross: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah... Rachel: (imitating him) yeah-yeah-yeah!! Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. It's an old 'Frankie says relax' T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you don't mind I'm gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.) [Scene: Central Perk, the gang minus Rachel and Ross are talking to Pete.] Phoebe: So, you're like a zillionaire? (Pete smiles and nods) Chandler: And you're our age. You're our age. Phoebe: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself. Pete: What like Pete Dakota? Phoebe: Yeah, or, or, or, Mississ-Pete. Joey: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago. Chandler: That's not a state Joe. Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is? Pete: I got to go, so ah, I'll see you guys later. All: Okay. Chandler: You're our age! Pete: (to Monica, by the door) So ah, we on for tomorrow? Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where there's no future? Either they're too old, or they're too young, and then there's Pete who's-who's crazy about me, and who's absolutely perfect for me, and there's like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like something's wrong with me?! Phoebe: Yeah, kinda. [Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing for the play.] Kate: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy? Joey: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and nothin'. You look at me, and it's nothin'. (He kisses her) Nothing. The Director: Tasty! I'm really starting to feel like you guys have a history, it's-it's nice. Kate: I have a question about this scene. The Director: Yes? Kate: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor. The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good looking. Joey: Yeah. Kate: I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of reason than that. Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, it's says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that you're a bitch. Kate: It doesn't say that in the script. Joey: It does in mine! [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Ross are returning from working out.] Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesn't matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. It's so annoying. Does it bug you? Ross: You bug me. [Rachel comes out of her apartment, followed by Mark, and they leave on their date, without saying a word to Ross. Ross is stunned.] Chandler: Is there any chance you didn't see that? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching a basketball game, Ross is staring out the peephole.] Chandler: Ross! You gotta stop! Okay?! You can't just stare through the peep hole for three hours! You're gonna get peep eye! Ross: I knew it! I knew it! I always knew she liked him! Y'know, she'd say no, but here we are! Right? We just broke up, first thing she does! Chandler: You didn't just break up. Ross: Hey, it's been like three weeks! Chandler: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean bullets have left guns slower! Ross: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, I'm gonna kill myself, I swear. I can't, I can't watch this. (turns away, then quickly turns to look again) Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, she's going in. Chandler: Okay. Ross: She's going in. Wait! He's going in! He's going in!! The door's closed! I, I can't see anything but the door closed!! Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave. Ross: Okay, I have to do something. I mean, I have, I have to stop it! Chandler: Stop what?! Ross: I don't know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. I'll go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!! (He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.) Chandler: No!! You can't!! Ross: Look, they must be stopped! Chandler: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! (Ross is now dragging Chandler and the foosball table to the door) You are surprisingly strong! Ross: I need juice! People need juice!! Chandler: Look man! Ross: People need juice! Chandler: Listen to me!! (Chandler turns him around and closes and holds the door shut with his feet.) Ross: Juice, I need... Chandler: She's moving on! Okay, if it's not this guy, it's gonna be somebody else! And unless you're thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? It's over. Ross: Yeah, okay. Chandler: Okay. Ross: It's just I miss her so much. Chandler: I know. (He rubs Ross's head) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is pouring Mark some coffee.] Mark: Why do all you're coffee mugs have numbers on the bottom? Rachel: Oh. That's so Monica can keep track. That way if one on them is missing, she can be like, 'Where's number 27?!' (She sits down, and Mark leans over and kisses her. Rachel doesn't react. He tries it again, and Rachel jumps back quickly.) Rachel: Y'know what? Mark: No. And I don't think I'm gonna want to. Rachel: I can't do this. Mark: Yep. Yep, that's what I didn't want to know. Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you. Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here! Rachel: Oh God. I'm sorry about this. Mark: That's okay. Rachel: You sure? Mark: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself. [Scene: A Hospital Reception, Monica and Pete are there.] Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size... Pete: (to Monica) Hey, can I ask you something? Monica: Sure. Pete: Where are we? Monica: (looks around) Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, midget rodeo. Pete: Just tell me the truth. Monica: Okay. Umm, y'know, I don't think, I don't think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship. Pete: Oh, yeah. Wasn't that like a year ago? Monica: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isn't the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now I'm just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean? Pete: Oh, yeah. I know that. Monica: I so wanna be attracted to you. Pete: But you're not. Okay, good. Monica: I'm sorry. Pete: Y'know what, don't be. This is not, don't be, 'cause it's not so bad. Monica: It's not? Pete: I know I'm no John Bon Jovi, (Monica laughs) or someone who find attractive, I'm just, I think, y'know, that you might end up feeling differently. Monica: Well, um, look I-I don't want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasn't attracted too. Pete: Yeah, stupidly charming isn't' it? Well listen let's, you wanna get something to eat? 'Cause this place is kinda depressing. (they start to leave) Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker. Pete: (to Monica) One second. (He takes the scissors, cuts the ribbon, shakes her hand, posses for the picture, and leaves.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.] Chandler: I don't think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.) (Joey enters.) Chandler: (to Joey) I wasn't doing anything. (Joey starts angrily throwing his stuff down.) Uh-oh, what did she do now? Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread! Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth. Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, 'Oh, I'm so talented.' and 'Oh, I'm so pretty,' and 'Ooh, I smell so good.' Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody. Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know? Chandler: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak. Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, you're out of your mind. Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now! Joey: Oh, yeah?! Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff huh?! [Scene: The Theatre, Kate and Joey are rehearsing the same scene as before.] Kate: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy? Joey: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and it's nothin'. You look at me, and nothin'. (He kisses her, more passionately this time) Nothing. The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, we're gonna pick it up here, tomorrow. Kate: Well, that was ah... Joey: Better? Kate: Yeah! Yeah, it was definitely an improvement. G'night. Joey: Ah, Kate? Kate: Yeah? Joey: You ah, you forgot your shoes. Kate: (she giggles) I'm probably gonna need those. Huh? (she giggles some more) Joey: Hey, listen you ah.... Kate: Hmm? Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee? Kate: Umm. The Director: (leaning in) Kate? Kate: Yep. The Director: You ready to go? Kate: Yeah. The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away) Kate: So umm, I'll see you tomorrow, huh? Joey: Yeah, yeah sure, goodnight. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.] Phoebe: (to Chandler) Hey! (Chandler looks up, startled) Why isn't it Spiderman? Y'know like Goldman, Silverman... Chandler: 'Cause it's-it's not his last name. Phoebe: It isn't? Chandler: No, it's not like, like Phil Spiderman. He's a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold Man. Phoebe: Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man! Rachel: (entering) Hey! Monica: Hey, Rach, how was work? Rachel: Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasn't a chair. Monica: By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff. Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. I'm just gonna throw it out, it's probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops) Monica: Something wrong? Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.) Closing Credits [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the black chairs.] Chandler: So, ahh, what kind of powers would Gold Man have? Phoebe: Okay well, he would turn things to gold. Chandler: What about things that are already gold? Phoebe: Ahh, his work is done. Chandler: Okay, let's play my game now. Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)	Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who is unready for a new relationship? A: a date; Q: What did Rachel have with Mark? A: Ross; Q: Who is devastated that Rachel is not ready for a new relationship? A: Chandler; Q: Who convinces Ross to accept that Rachel has moved on? A: Kate; Q: Who does Joey develop a crush on? A: Dina Meyer; Q: Who is Kate? A: his new play; Q: What is Joey's new job? A: Monica; Q: Who continues to date Pete, even though she is not attracted to him? Summary: Rachel has a date with Mark, her first since splitting with Ross, but soon finds she is unready for a new relationship. This leaves Ross devastated, and he plans to break them apart but Chandler convinces him to accept the fact that Rachel has "moved on." Joey develops a crush on Kate ( Dina Meyer ), his costar in his new play. Monica continues dating Pete, even though she is still not attracted to him.
INFERNO by: DON HOUGHTON 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. PERIMETER ROAD (The DOCTOR, in the happiest of moods, drives Bessie along a perimeter road, "singing" Verdi's "La Donna e Mobile" at the top of his voice, although his grasp of the words in tenuous to say the least.) DOCTOR: "Ra, ra, rum, rum, da, ra! Ra, ra, rum, rum, dum ,dum! La Donne e Mobile! Ra, ra , rum, rum da, ra! De, dah, da, rum, da, rah! Da ,de, da, dum, da, da, Da, da, da, rum, dum!" (Still singing, he turns a corner and drives into a vast industrial complex, full of chimneys, cooling towers, railway lines, gantries and various other buildings. Waving to a gatehouse guard as he goes, he drives past a sign which reads "RESTRICTED AREA. KEEP OUT") [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. CENTRAL CONTROL (Within the complex, someone else is whistling just as tunelessly as the DOCTOR as he rides his bike. Dressed in a set of white overalls, this is HARRY SLOCUM, a swarthy, moustached, maintenance man who brings his bike to a halt next to set of railway lines. Then, carrying a toolbox from the back of the bike, he walks towards the concrete blockhouse entrance to the central control complex building. As he does so, one of the technicians - BROMLEY - walks out.) HARRY SLOCUM: Hello, John, how's it going on in there? BROMLEY: Oh, still drilling away like mad. HARRY SLOCUM: Sound's more like a blooming dentist! BROMLEY: Yes! (The two men part and SLOCUM enters the building.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (SLOCUM enters the quiet, efficient central control room. A large futuristic computer unit sits in the main part of the floor. The back of the room is on a higher level and has control consoles as a divide between the two sections and also on the back wall. To the right are steps leading to the upper level and also as an exit from the room. To the upper left is a passageway leading to the drill-head and to the left of that is a bunker-type door leading to an office. The area is mostly staffed with technicians in white lab coats but SLOCUM heads for one smartly suited, kindly-looking man in glasses and a bow tie who stands with a clipboard looking over the computer.) HARRY SLOCUM: Excuse me, Sir Keith? SIR KEITH GOLD: Yes? HARRY SLOCUM: You called for someone from maintenance. SIR KEITH GOLD: Ah yes. I'd like you to have a look a number two output pipe. HARRY SLOCUM: Oh, on the blink again, is she? SIR KEITH GOLD: Yes, I've had it take out of service. We've switched over to one and three. HARRY SLOCUM: Okay, let's take a look at it. (SIR KEITH leads SLOCUM down the passageway to the drill-head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Here, the quiet hum of computers is replaced by the roar of industrial machinery. In the centre of the room is a small platform with a large metal tube leading down into the bowels of the Earth. Around it are four slimmer tubes - the output pipes. SIR KEITH leads the way to No. 2 pipe and SLOCUM kneels to inspect it.) HARRY SLOCUM: I see what you mean. Okay, I'll fix it up. SIR KEITH GOLD: As quickly as possible, please. Professor Stahlman doesn't want any delays. HARRY SLOCUM: (Smiles.) Don't worry about it. It doesn't look too serious. SIR KEITH GOLD: Good, thank you. (SIR KEITH leaves and SLOCUM begins work.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (A man and a woman enter the central control room. The man is suited, balding and with a neat pointed beard. He has a perpetual scowl on his face. The woman is younger, blond and attractive and wearing a blue flower patterned dress and carrying a clipboard. They are PROFESSOR STAHLMAN and his P.A. - PETRA WILLIAMS. The PROFESSOR spots SIR KEITH returning from the drill-head and calls over to him.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Sir Keith? (SIR KEITH comes over.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Why has the drilling rate been slowed down? SIR KEITH GOLD: Oh, number two pipe is out of action. Naturally, we had to decelerate. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Oh, I do understand the technical problems. SIR KEITH GOLD: I didn't mean to imply otherwise... PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: What I don't understand is why you took it upon yourself to interfere. (SIR KEITH ignores the insult and smiles.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, I saw the malfunction report on number two pipe several days ago. I saw no report of its repair. I assumed you must have overlooked it. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I overlook nothing, Sir Keith. The malfunction on number two pipe's not sufficient to warrant a stoppage in the drilling...and you have no authority to order one. SIR KEITH GOLD: Professor Stahlman, as Executive Director of this project, my concerns... PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Interrupting.) Your concern is with such important matters as the...canteen facilities and the new roster for the cleaners. Anything to do with the drilling is my concern and mine alone - and that includes minor maintenance problems. SIR KEITH GOLD: Surely in a situation like this, there's no such thing as a minor problem? PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Sir Keith, I'll make a bargain with you - you stay away from my drilling...and I'll let you run your canteen! (He strides off. An embarrassed PETRA raises her eyebrows to SIR KEITH and follows her boss. SIR KEITH, well used to the PROFESSOR'S manner, seems philosophical.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. DRILL-HEAD (SLOCUM continues his repair, pulling at some nuts with a huge wrench. Suddenly, from under the output pipe casing, a small amount of a green smoking slime starts to emerge. SLOCUM hesitantly touches the substance which spurts smoke as he does so. He snatches his fingers back in pain. Opening his shaking hand, he sees that his palm and fingers are now stained a dark green. A strange noise starts to penetrate his head as he stares at his hand in wide-eyed horror...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (SIR KEITH has managed to get PETRA on her own...) SIR KEITH GOLD: Why is he so unreasonable? You'd think I was some sort of a rival. PETRA WILLIAMS: He's been working on this project all his life. Naturally, he feels possessive about it. SIR KEITH GOLD: Mmm. Well I've got another piece of news he won't altogether care for... PETRA WILLIAMS: What's that? SIR KEITH GOLD: I've sent for a drilling consultant - a chap called Greg Sutton. One of the most experienced oilmen in the world. PETRA WILLIAMS: But this isn't an oil rig. We use a totally different method of drilling. SIR KEITH GOLD: Yes, yes, I know, but...I'd feel happier if someone on this project knew a little more about the purely practical aspects of drilling - and its dangers. (Anticipating fireworks, PETRA looks worried.) PETRA WILLIAMS: When does he arrive? SIR KEITH GOLD: Oh, anytime now. He's flying in from Kuwait. (Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, SLOCUM walks out of the drill-head. However his whole manner has changed - instead of his previous jaunty chipper self, he now strides slowly along, staring straight ahead. He passes the computer where STAHLMAN is at work. He gives the maintenance man the briefest of glances as he walks by.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Oh, have you finished? (SLOCUM speaks in a totally emotionless voice...) HARRY SLOCUM: Yes... (..and walks out, leaving a satisfied STAHLMAN behind.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Good. (To a technician.) Put number two pipe back into service and accelerate drilling speed three-and-a-half percent. TECHNICIAN: Yes. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Perhaps we can now make up for lost time. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. CENTRAL CONTROL (Slightly unsteady on his feet, SLOCUM staggers out of the blockhouse entrance. Carrying his wrench, he makes his way over to the railway line, looking like a man in a daze. He reaches some metal steps leading up to a gantry and falls against them. In a brick blockhouse, a technician sees him and runs out to assist. As he gets to SLOCUM, the maintenance man springs into life with a guttural roar. He pushes the man to the ground, raises the wrench and...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE (...SERGEANT BENTON hammers a nail into a wall. He then hands a framed photograph of a regiment on the nail. Behind him, BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART enters the room through a large bulkhead door which leads off the central control room. He looks over the room.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Morning, Benton. (BENTON stands to attention.) SERGEANT BENTON: Morning, sir. (He looks over the room.) SERGEANT BENTON: It's the best they could do us on such short notice. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It'll do. Have you contacted the Doctor? SERGEANT BENTON: He's on his way over, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Anything on Slocum? SERGEANT BENTON: No sir. The lads are still looking. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Still? (The BRIGADIER sits at the desk.) SERGEANT BENTON: It's a rambling place this, sir. Slocum knows it a lot better than we do. If we have more men, we could... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupting.) No, we don't want a panic. (The door from central control opens and the DOCTOR walks in.) DOCTOR: Hello, Brigadier. Making yourself at home. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Warmly.) How are you, Doctor? DOCTOR: Fine, thank you, fine. (He spots another a pile of more regimental photographs on the desk and picks one up, looking over the posed rows of soldiers.) DOCTOR: Good heavens! Which one's you? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, don't you recognise the one? DOCTOR: No, no, no, don't tell me - let me guess. (He looks across the picture.) DOCTOR: Not that one...not that one...well, none of them? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Fifth from left - third row. (The DOCTOR looks and bursts out laughing.) DOCTOR: Yes, well if it's true, I can see why you grew that moustache! (BENTON grins until the BRIGADIER gives him a cold stare.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Trouble seems to follow you, doesn't it, Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? What do you mean? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You persuade me to allow you and Miss Shaw to attend this project as observers... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Allow? Look, Miss Shaw may have the misfortune to work for you, Brigadier, I am a free agent. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And within a few hours of your arrival, I have a motiveless murder on my hands. DOCTOR: What? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Late yesterday afternoon, one of the technicians was beaten to death with this. (The BRIGADIER takes a folder off the top of a tray. SLOCUM'S wrench sits in it. The DOCTOR picks up the tray.) DOCTOR: And do you know who did the killing? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The wrench was found near the body. It belongs to a drill-head rigger called Harry Slocum. We're still looking for him. DOCTOR: Do you know anything about him? SERGEANT BENTON: Seems to have been one of the most popular men on the complex, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Something else, Doctor. Try touching the wrench. (The DOCTOR gingerly does so.) DOCTOR: Ah, it's still warm. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: When it was first found it was red hot - as though it had been in a furnace. Any theories? (The DOCTOR leans over the tray.) DOCTOR: Oh, if the wrench had been subjected to intense energy, it might have disturbed its atomic make-up. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Chase up those patrols will you, Benton? I want that man Slocum found. SERGEANT BENTON: Right away, sir. (BENTON leaves.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor, why were you so keen to observe this project? DOCTOR: Well, it's a matter of great scientific interest, my dear fellow. First penetration of the Earth's crust. Well, naturally I'm interested. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Smiles.) Yes, of course. DOCTOR: Yes, well I'd concentrate on finding that rigger if I was you. Well, excuse me, I must get back to work. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You're taking part in the project? DOCTOR: Yes, in a way. Some related experiments, you know? (He smiles and walks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. DRILL-HEAD (SIR KEITH is showing a stocky, casually dressed man around the control area. They are walking out of the control room.) GREG SUTTON: ...Getting a respectable tan - bingo! I get snatched off a drill rig in Kuwait just when I'm sure we've made a strike, flown back so fast my stomach's still over the Med and I still haven't the faintest idea what I'm supposed to be doing here! SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, I asked for a top oil rig man, Mr. Sutton and you're the one they sent me. GREG SUTTON: Well, that's very flattering. Now look, this is a government project, right? SIR KEITH GOLD: Right. GREG SUTTON: So now I'm a sort of...temporary civil servant? SIR KEITH GOLD: (Smiles.) Broadly speaking - yes. How do you like the idea? GREG SUTTON: No comment! (SUTTON sees the five pipes of the drill-head.) GREG SUTTON: Well, what's this supposed to be? SIR KEITH GOLD: That, Mr. Sutton, is the drill-head. GREG SUTTON: That is a drill-head? You've got to be joking! SIR KEITH GOLD: (Proudly.) No, that's a drill-head, I assure you. The only one of its kind in the world. GREG SUTTON: Well, how deep are you? SIR KEITH GOLD: Twenty miles. GREG SUTTON: (Amazed.) Twenty miles! Oh, come on now! You'd get such a whip in the drill pipes, they'd fracture. SIR KEITH GOLD: No pipes, Mr. Sutton. A robot drill with its built-in power source, fed by cables from our own nuclear reactor. GREG SUTTON: Twenty miles! Well, you're liable to wake up Old Nick going that deep. SIR KEITH GOLD: (Laughs.) Yes! As a matter of fact, some of the technicians have nicknamed this place "the Inferno". Come round here. (SIR KEITH walks round the small room, pointing out various pieces to GREG.) SIR KEITH GOLD: There's the monitoring system over there, you see? Then over here we have the alarm circuitry. GREG SUTTON: What's it all in aid of? SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, soon we shall penetrate the Earth's crust...and then we'll be able to tap the pockets of Stahlman's gas that lie beneath it. GREG SUTTON: Pockets of what? SIR KEITH GOLD: Stahlman's gas - so named in honour of the originator of the project. GREG SUTTON: You mean like North Sea gas? SIR KEITH GOLD: No, no, no, no - an infinitely more powerful energy source. GREG SUTTON: What do you do with it once you've got it? SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, according to Professor Stahlman, we shall have, quote, "a vast new storehouse of energy which has lain dormant since the beginning of time", unquote. GREG SUTTON: You learn something new every day. (He goes back to the pipes of the drill-head.) GREG SUTTON: Now what did you say these pipes do? SIR KEITH GOLD: They syphon the coolant chemical down to the bore. GREG SUTTON: Okay, Sir Keith, well I get the picture, but I still don't see where I fit in. SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, I want someone on the project who's got a good practical knowledge of drilling...and of coping with any emergencies that may arise. GREG SUTTON: Are you having trouble here then? SIR KEITH GOLD: Not yet. GREG SUTTON: But you may have? SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, it's my job to cover any eventuality, Mr. Sutton. Now it's time I introduced you to some of the senior staff. (He shows him out of the drill-head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (A countdown clock on the central computer reads 59:28:47 and clicks down a second at a time. PETRA is at the computer frowning with concealed worry as SIR KEITH and GREG walk out of the passage from the drill-head and towards her.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Petra - this is Mr. Sutton, the oil man I told you about. Er, this is Miss Petra Williams who has been personal assistant to the Professor for some years now. GREG SUTTON: Hi. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Coldly.) How do you do? GREG SUTTON: All the better for seeing you, Petra. Perhaps you could help me settle in the place? PETRA WILLIAMS: How do you mean, Mr. Sutton? GREG SUTTON: Well, you know, show me round, dash off a few letters. Perhaps I could borrow you for a bit. (PETRA collects her thoughts...) PETRA WILLIAMS: Mr. Sutton, I am Professor Stahlman's personal assistant - not a typist, and I'm not available for borrowing. (To SIR KEITH.) Will you excuse me? (She strides off.) GREG SUTTON: (To SIR KEITH.) I'd say I'd been snubbed. Wouldn't you? SIR KEITH GOLD: Huh! Come and meet the boss. (STAHLMAN is on the upper level at the back of the room, giving final instructions to a technician. SIR KEITH and SUTTON walk up to him.) SIR KEITH GOLD: May I present Professor Eric Stahlman, the instigator of the entire project. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Snaps.) Instigator? You make it sound as if I'd perpetrated some crime against humanity. SIR KEITH GOLD: Hardly that, Professor. Er, this is Mr. Sutton. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: So I gather. Another recruit to your cause, no doubt. GREG SUTTON: What cause? PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Well, his crusade to bring this whole operation to a grinding halt, Mr. Sutton. SIR KEITH GOLD: (Embarrassed.) Professor, please... PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Well, he's a dedicated man, you see, dedicated to stifling us with over-caution and an over-abundance of "experts" and advisors. We're drowning in them, Mr. Sutton. GREG SUTTON: I didn't volunteer for this job, you know? PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Smiles.) How you came here is of no importance to me. You're here. We see them everywhere, advisors on this, ha! Advisors on that... (At the moment, the DOCTOR walks into central control. STAHLMAN gestures at him.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Look, there's another one! (The DOCTOR is unconcerned at this "greeting".) DOCTOR: Our liver playing us up again this morning, is it Professor? (He smiles and walks off, leaving a furious PROFESSOR behind. GREG sidles up to SIR KEITH.) GREG SUTTON: You have problems, Sir Keith. SIR KEITH GOLD: Yes. (GREG nods towards the DOCTOR.) GREG SUTTON: Who's the, er, gentleman in the fancy dress? SIR KEITH GOLD: Ah ha, that's the Doctor. A brilliant mind. We're very lucky to have him as advisor. Come, I'll introduce you. (The DOCTOR is at the computer, looking over a print out when SIR KEITH and GREG approach.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Doctor, may I introduce Mr. Sutton. GREG SUTTON: Hello, Doc. (They shake hands.) DOCTOR: Welcome to the Inferno, Mr. Sutton. GREG SUTTON: And what do you, er, think of this project, Doc? DOCTOR: Well, I think that certain people ought to pay a lot more attention to the warnings of this computer. (GREG looks over at STAHLMAN on the other side of the room.) GREG SUTTON: Like him, you mean? DOCTOR: Yes. Mind you, I'm not wild about computers myself but they are a tool. If you have a tool, it's stupid not to use it. (The DOCTOR wanders over to a large power unit on one side of the room and flicks a switch. A red light comes on. He goes back to GREG and SIR KEITH, pointing back at the power unit.) DOCTOR: Power for my own little project. Nice to have met you, Mr. Sutton. (They shake hands again and the DOCTOR makes for the exit, but in doing so, he passes STAHLMAN who is loudly expressing his opinion to PETRA.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: All those so-called experts! They're a waste of valuable time and money. (The DOCTOR stops in his tracks and goes over to a technician stood near to STAHLMAN. He points a control out to the technician, loudly enough for STAHLMAN to hear.) DOCTOR: Give that more lateral compensation, old chap, or you'll blow the main condenser banks. Cost thousands to put that right. Waste of valuable time and money! (To STAHLMAN.) Mmm? (He strides out. STAHLMAN looks at the control indicated by the DOCTOR and sees that he is right - losing face in front of the technician by doing so. He mutters to himself...) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I'm rapidly losing patience with that man! [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The DOCTOR drives in Bessie through the complex. He approaches a Nissan hut-style garage in front of which is passing an armed UNIT soldier - PRIVATE LATIMER. The DOCTOR brakes in front of the double doors to the garage and LATIMER walks up to him.) PRIVATE LATIMER: Morning, sir. DOCTOR: Good morning. Any sign of Slocum yet? PRIVATE LATIMER: Er, no, we're still searching for him. DOCTOR: Mmm, nasty business that. (LATIMER nods at the garage.) PRIVATE LATIMER: Yes, still you, er, should be safe in there. I'm sure this Harry Slocum character won't have one of your funny gadgets. DOCTOR: Funny gadgets? (He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his sonic screwdriver. He presses it and LATIMER smiles as the two doors slide open.) DOCTOR: (Smiles.) It's only a door handle! (The DOCTOR drives in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (He brakes in the garage and stops the engine. He turns round and closes the doors with the screwdriver and then gets out of car. Whistling, he divests himself of his cloak and gloves. The wall of the garage is lined with shelves of untidily stacked books. At the back of the garage is the TARDIS console with LIZ working on it.) DOCTOR: Any progress? LIZ: I've isolated one of the faults. DOCTOR: Good. LIZ: Oh, did you get those figures from the computer? DOCTOR: Yes, but I think you'll find they only confirm what we already know. (He hands her his print out from the computer.) LIZ: Well, I'll check them again anyway. (LIZ goes over to a series of junction boxes and other equipment near the doors to the garage.) LIZ: How are things at central control? DOCTOR: Oh, the usual friction between Sir Keith and Stahlman. LIZ: Oh, did you see the Brigadier? DOCTOR: Mmm hmm. (He grows serious.) DOCTOR: There's been a murder, Liz. LIZ: I know. One of the sentries was in earlier making a spot check. He told me about it. DOCTOR: It's a dreadful business - a murder without a motive. (He comes out of his reverie.) DOCTOR: Right, let's get back to work, shall we? (He starts to look over the console.) LIZ: Doctor, you're not still thinking of making a run with the TARDIS console, are you? DOCTOR: Indeed I am. That's why we came here. LIZ: Now be sensible, it's too dangerous. DOCTOR: Look Liz... (He places his hands on her shoulders and speaks gently.) DOCTOR: Look, without the TARDIS I feel rather lost. A stranger in a foreign land. A shipwrecked mariner! (LIZ smiles and gives in.) LIZ: When do you want to make this trial run? DOCTOR: In a minute. LIZ: (Worried.) Hey, you're not serious? Why the sudden rush? (The DOCTOR ignores the question.) DOCTOR: Right, we've been over this many times. You know exactly what to do, don't you? LIZ: Yes. DOCTOR: Well then, take up your position...and I'll switch the nuclear power through. LIZ: I wish you'd think again. DOCTOR: Liz! Please? (LIZ goes back to the bank of controls and flicks over some switches. She then crosses over to a junction box on the wall and grasps a circuit handle.) DOCTOR: All right? LIZ: Right. DOCTOR: Now at my signal, give me first stage power...and then full boost a fraction later. LIZ: Supposing it doesn't work? DOCTOR: I'll think of something - I hope! [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. COMPLEX (A green hand covered in black fur edges round a chemical container. It belongs to SLOCUM, fast evolving into a primitive creature and acting like a hunted animal. His face is now the same green colour as his hands. He looks round and then runs to a sliding door marked "NUCLEAR REACTOR SWITCH ROOM". He pulls the door open and enters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. NUCLEAR REACTOR CONTROL ROOM (Within the building, BROMLEY the technician stands speaking into a wall phone. Computer banks line the wall of the little room and there is a flat-table console in the middle of the floor space.) BROMLEY: (Into phone.) Yes, yes, that's right. All readings normal - no peaks at all. (He listens as SLOCUM'S hand edges round the door and he starts to enter the room.) BROMLEY: (Into phone.) Yeah. Mmm hmm. Look, I've done a complete routine check. (SLOCUM approaches BROMLEY from behind.) BROMLEY: (Into phone.) No, everything's very quiet up here. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The DOCTOR flicks a couple of switches on the TARDIS console and checks a reading.) DOCTOR: Right, stand by, Liz. (LIZ is still at the circuit handle.) LIZ: Standing by, Doctor. DOCTOR: Switch to first stage power. (LIZ pushes the handle up and a hum fills the room as the power comes through.) DOCTOR: Full boost, Liz. (LIZ pushes a second handle up and a dial on a voltmeter shoots up towards, but not on, the red area.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. NUCLEAR REACTOR CONTROL ROOM (SLOCUM stands over the unconscious body of BROMLEY. Breathing heavily, he then staggers over to a console in the middle of the room. He looks down on it and suddenly puts his hands to his head and cries out in pain. He then pulls a handle on the power switch into the red area. The hum of the reactor rises.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The effect on the DOCTOR'S experiment is instantaneous as the TARDIS console begins to shake. He grasps the edge and yells out...) DOCTOR: Too much power, Liz! Too much power! (LIZ is desperately pulling down on both the circuit handles.) LIZ: I can't cut back! The circuits are locked and overloaded! (She hears the speeded-up sound of the TARDIS dematerialising and sees the shaking console and the DOCTOR fade away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: VOID (The DOCTOR is in a darkened void. Flashes of light illuminate his distorted face as he gives out a silent scream. Still holding onto the console, he is buffeted about the void. His features seem to be pulled apart and then, he is wrenched from his grasp of the console and into limbo. His face shows agony as he seems to be torn in two...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (LIZ manages to pull one of the circuit handles down. The voltmeter reduces slightly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: VOID (There is no noticeable effect on the DOCTOR who is still torn within the maelstrom...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (LIZ is having no success with the second handle. She looks round and sees a small stick of woos on a nearby bench. She grabs it and puts it behind the stuck handle as a lever and pulls. She manages to yank it back. The voltmeter drops to zero.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: VOID (The two torn images of the DOCTOR blend into one and disappear.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The TARDIS console is already back in the garage. The DOCTOR appears on the floor, upside down with his feet on the console's edge. His feet fall and he lies on the floor, somewhat stunned. LIZ makes sure that the power is switched off and then rushes over to him. He is now sat up with his hand to his head.) LIZ: Doctor! Are you all right? DOCTOR: Yes. (He lets out a gasp of breath.) DOCTOR: I still feel dizzy. I seem to be in one piece anyway. LIZ: What happened? Where did you go? (The DOCTOR thinks...) DOCTOR: I'm not sure...I seemed to be in some sort of limbo...there was a barrier I couldn't break through. We must make another trial run. LIZ: (Shocked.) After all that? DOCTOR: Because of all that. I wonder where I was exactly? Where I was going? LIZ: Wherever you were, you very nearly didn't get back. DOCTOR: Well, next time we must ensure that I do. (Suddenly, a strident klaxon alarm echoes across the complex.) LIZ: The drill-head! (They rush to Bessie and climb in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Smoke is pouring out of the five pipes at the drill-head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (A heat-proof metal blast door slides down over the entrance to the drill-head from the control room. PETRA is on the phone.) PETRA WILLIAMS: (Into phone.) I must get through to the main switch-room - this is an emergency! (STAHLMAN strides into the control room where technicians rush about trying to deal with the crisis. One technician follows him.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Sir Keith! (SIR KEITH is with GREG.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Did you order those shield to be lowered? SIR KEITH GOLD: Yes, I did. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Why? SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, this is a Red-One emergency, Professor. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Is it? I haven't said so yet. SIR KEITH GOLD: Surely it's quite obvious? (STAHLMAN turns to his waiting technician.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Get those shields back up again now. SIR KEITH GOLD: Professor Stahlman... PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (To SIR KEITH.) Anything that happens in this area is my responsibility. SIR KEITH GOLD: Well at least order the power to be shut off. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: What and stop the drill? (STAHLMAN spots PETRA on the phone.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Petra, have you contacted the reactor yet? PETRA WILLIAMS: I still can't get an answer, Professor. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Well, you must get an answer! (STAHLMAN walks over to join her leaving GREG and SIR KEITH alone.) GREG SUTTON: At that depth and that pressure...you'll never get it going again. The drill-bit would seize up immediately. You'd have to abandon the bore. SIR KEITH GOLD: That mighten be a bad idea. (STAHLMAN has taken the phone off PETRA.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Into phone.) Look, try them again and keep on trying until you get 'em. (To PETRA.) Petra, see if they have the coolant flowing yet. (PETRA runs across the room to the drill-head. GREG sees where she is going and runs after her.) GREG SUTTON: Hey, wait a minute. (He grabs her arm.) GREG SUTTON: I wouldn't go in there if I was you. PETRA WILLIAMS: Will you let go of my arm?! GREG SUTTON: The pressure in there could blow the roof right off this building! PETRA WILLIAMS: (Sharply.) Thank you, I know what can happen. But I have a job to do. Now just don't interfere! (She runs off and GREG shouts after her over the sound of the klaxon alarm...) GREG SUTTON: Are you some kind of idiot?! (Meanwhile, the DOCTOR and LIZ run into the control room and join SIR KEITH who is at the computer looking at a print out tape.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Ah, Doctor, can you make any sense of this data? (As the DOCTOR studies the tape, the BRIGADIER walks in and joins them.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's happened, Doctor? DOCTOR: There's been a nuclear power surge. Actually, we experienced it ourselves earlier. It's gone quite mad...at the reactor. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: There's been another murder. One of my soldiers. DOCTOR: Where was the body found? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: On the waste ground. DOCTOR: Anywhere near the reactor? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Not all that far from it. (The DOCTOR goes over to STAHLMAN who is furiously scribbling on a notepad.) DOCTOR: Professor? We think we know what's wrong. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Doctor, stop wasting my time, will you? DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid I was wrong, Professor. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Surprised.) What? DOCTOR: It's not so much your liver as your general disposition! (He walks off leaving again a furious PROFESSOR.) DOCTOR: Brigadier, come on. (The BRIGADIER follows him out as PETRA runs out of the smoke that fills the passage to the drill-head. Her coughs are mixed in with the klaxon alarm. She goes to STAHLMAN and GREG joins them.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor Stahlman... PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Yeah, what's happening in there? PETRA WILLIAMS: The coolant controls are jammed with the heat. (STAHLMAN himself runs towards the drill-head. PETRA grabs a clipboard and is about to follow but GREG stands in her way.) GREG SUTTON: I wouldn't go back in there. PETRA WILLIAMS: Rather nervous for an oil man aren't you, Mr. Sutton? GREG SUTTON: I'm not nervous, darling, I'm terrified! I know what can happen in there! PETRA WILLIAMS: And I don't? GREG SUTTON: I doubt it - and you're not brave, you're just plain stupid! PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor Stahlman knows what's happening. He can deal with it. (PETRA runs off after the PROFESSOR.) GREG SUTTON: Do you wanna bet? (GREG follows her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Smoke continues to pour out of the drill-head and the klaxon blares away. PETRA and GREG run into the room as the PROFESSOR and a technician desperately try to turn a wheel on the coolant pipeline.) GREG SUTTON: Okay, Professor, let me have a go at that. (GREG takes the PROFESSOR'S place at the wheel.) GREG SUTTON: Hold tight everyone, we'll soon have it under control! [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. NUCLEAR REACTOR CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER rush into the switch room closely followed by SERGEANT BENTON and PRIVATE WYATT. The DOCTOR instantly spots BROMLEY on the floor.) DOCTOR: Look. (They bend down to examine him. On the other side of the room, another door is thrown open and the roaring, snarling SLOCUM bursts in...)	Plan: A: A dangerous experiment; Q: What throws the Doctor into a doomed dimension? Summary: A dangerous experiment throws the Doctor into a doomed dimension
THE WEB OF FEAR by MERVYN HAISMAN and HENRY LINCOLN first broadcast - February 10th 1968 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. OPERATIONS ROOM (WEAMS stands by a plunger as KNIGHT returns from downstairs.) KNIGHT: It's alright, they were on their own. OK Weams, no sense in wasting any more time. Off you go. WEAMS: Right, sir. (WEAMS pushes down the plunger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CHARING CROSS STATION (The sound of an explosion fills the platform, and as the crates detonate the web glows with a brilliant white light. The DOCTOR is thrown from the platform with a scream. The noise dies down, leaving the crates glowing white inside the web.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. COMMON ROOM (JAMIE and VICTORIA, having been locked in the Common Room, are banging on the door to attract attention.) JAMIE: (Shouting.) Come on, let us out! Let us out! VICTORIA: It's no good, Jamie, they can't hear!... What have we done? JAMIE: Not we, Victoria - me. I'm the one that's to blame. I should have told them about the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. OPERATIONS ROOM (ARNOLD has told KNIGHT, WEAMS and ANNE TRAVERS that the DOCTOR was in the tunnels when the explosion was set off.) KNIGHT: A doctor! Well, if he was anywhere near those explosives when they went up... ARNOLD: Yes sir. Don't you think I should go and have a look, sir? The youngsters said he was following the cable. KNIGHT: Yes, you'd better. ARNOLD: Sir! (ARNOLD salutes.) KNIGHT: Oh, and Staff, take someone with you. ARNOLD: Sir! (He leaves the room.) WEAMS: Sir? KNIGHT: Yes, Weams? WEAMS: This blast recorder ain't working, sir. KNIGHT: Rubbish. Miss Travers checked it! WEAMS: Well it ain't registered, sir. ANNE: (Looking at the equipment.) He's right! KNIGHT: But it fired - look at the circuits! You can't have an explosion without a blast, can you? ANNE: Well, come to think of it, we didn't hear anything either. We should have heard something, even at this distance. KNIGHT: Yes. WEAMS: Sir, this Doctor bloke that's in the tunnel - he could have tampered with the charges, you know. KNIGHT: Sabotage... I think it's time we had a chat with those two youngsters. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. COMMON ROOM (JAMIE and VICTORIA are sitting at the table, still alone.) VICTORIA: You mustn't blame yourself, Jamie. After all, the Doctor did tell us to be careful. Now we still don't know who these people are. JAMIE: No, we don't know anything, except the Doctor might have been blown to kingdom come. (The door is unlocked, and KNIGHT and ANNE enter the room, followed by HAROLD CHORLEY. JAMIE and VICTORIA jump up asking about the DOCTOR.) KNIGHT: Sit down, both of you. VICTORIA: Is it bad news, then? ANNE: Oh, no - well at least, we hope not. KNIGHT: We don't know for the moment. I've sent a couple of men along the tunnel to investigate. But that's not why I came in here. You three are up to something, and I mean to find out what. JAMIE: We're up to something? Now just a moment. Suppose you tell us first just what's going on down here. CHORLEY: (Thrusting a microphone at VICTORIA's face.) How did you get into the tunnel? Or let me put it another way - where did you break in? VICTORIA: We didn't break in. CHORLEY: But you must have done. All the stations are sealed, aren't they? VICTORIA: We just arrived - we were brought here. (Weams opens the door and enters in a hurry.) WEAMS: Sir, Lane's got Holborn on the line. Sounds like trouble. KNIGHT: Yeti? WEAMS: Could be, sir. Something's up. KNIGHT: OK, Weams. (The two soldiers leave, with CHORLEY tagging on behind them, leaving ANNE alone with the two travellers.) JAMIE: Yeti? Did he say Yeti? [SCENE_BREAK] 6. OPERATIONS ROOM (Corporal LANE sits hunched over the desk in the corner, speaking into the telephone. He is watched by another soldier, Private O'BRIEN.) LANE: Hello, hello, Holborn?... This is HQ to Holborn. Can you hear me?... (To O'BRIEN.) Not a sausage. O'BRIEN: There must be someone manning the phone. (KNIGHT, WEAMS and CHORLEY enter.) KNIGHT: OK, Lane, what gives? LANE: Well, it's just firing at the other end, sir. KNIGHT: Firing? LANE: Yes, sir. Listen. (He hands the receiver to KNIGHT, who hears muffled sounds of a fierce gun battle. A soldier screams and a Yeti roars before the line goes dead. CHORLEY holds his microphone to the receiver and tapes the sounds of the battle.) CHORLEY: Oh, good grief, no! LANE: (Into telephone.) Hello, HQ to Holborn? KNIGHT: What happened, Lane? LANE: Well, it was difficult to hear, sir. I think the truck was late getting there... KNIGHT: Then what? WEAMS: Well they must have got the ammo unloaded, sir, 'cos he says they were jumped when they were moving. KNIGHT: (To Lane.) Take O'Brien and a couple of the others. LANE: Sir! (To O'Brien.) Come on, mate. CHORLEY: Here, you're not going out there? KNIGHT: Yes, Mr Chorley. Want to come? Report some action first hand? CHORLEY: (Nervously.) Well, I don't think I'd better get in the way. I... er... think I'd better stay here, don't you? KNIGHT: Yes. Yes, I think you better had. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. CHARING CROSS STATION (ARNOLD and BLAKE have followed the cable to the station platform, which they find deserted and undamaged.) BLAKE: There hasn't been an explosion, Staff! ARNOLD: I can see that, lad... Here! (He points out the crates of explosive - now just a pile of splinters covered in the white web substance.) BLAKE: No sign of that Doctor bloke. ARNOLD: No... here, give me a hand with this. (ARNOLD points at an object on the ground, which Blake examines.) BLAKE: It's our detonator, alright. It's fired, too... 'ere, hang on a minute. All the ammo, Staff. If it's fired, then why didn't... ARNOLD: Yeah, why didn't this tunnel go up?... No damage at all... (ARNOLD looks at the remains of the crates.) ARNOLD: Yet something blew up here! BLAKE: It's obvious, ain't it? It's been got at. ARNOLD: Where's that Doctor? That's what I'd like to know. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. LABORATORY (Professor TRAVERS stands by his work bench, examining some relics from his expedition to Tibet. The bench holds a number of small model Yeti, no more than two inches tall, and a silver control sphere. TRAVERS picks up the sphere, opens it, and examines the internal circuitry. Behind him, ANNE enters.) ANNE: Father? TRAVERS: Hmm...? ANNE: The soldiers have found two youngsters in the tunnels. They seem to know a great deal about the Yeti. TRAVERS: Oh? ANNE: They know they're robots! TRAVERS: What! ANNE: And they know about the control spheres, too. TRAVERS: But they can't have - I mean, the public were never told! ANNE: I know. TRAVERS: Well, where are they? (He marches through the door, followed by ANNE.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. COMMON ROOM (JAMIE and VICTORIA, alone again, are sitting at the table.) JAMIE: Don't you see, it makes sense, Victoria! If the Yeti are in London, then the Intelligence is here too! VICTORIA: What, you mean controlling them? JAMIE: Aye, and not only them! Look, it must have been the Intelligence that got hold of us in space, and it must have brought us here. VICTORIA: Oh, but why? JAMIE: I wish I knew. Revenge perhaps. (TRAVERS and his daughter enter. TRAVERS looks accusingly at JAMIE and VICTORIA.) TRAVERS: Hmm... Well now, you've got some explaining to do, haven't you? JAMIE: We have? Now look here... TRAVERS: Now now, just what do you know about the Yeti? JAMIE: Quite a lot, but before we go into all... TRAVERS: And the spheres? Where'd you find out about them? JAMIE: That's none of your business. I'd just like to... TRAVERS: Who are you? JAMIE: I'd like to ask you the same question! (A look of amazement slowly creeps across VICTORIA's face.) VICTORIA: Wait a minute, Jamie! (To Travers.) I'm Victoria Waterfield... (TRAVERS looks puzzled.) VICTORIA: ...and that's Jamie McCrimmon! (TRAVERS is stunned.) ANNE: Father? TRAVERS: But it... it can't be... (TRAVERS collapses into a chair.) TRAVERS: Why that's... that's over... forty years ago! JAMIE: What's going on here? VICTORIA: Oh Jamie, don't you recognise him? It's Professor Travers. JAMIE: So it is! Professor Travers! Here, hasn't he got old! TRAVERS: Huh? JAMIE: Oh, but we're very pleased to see you, Professor, very pleased. TRAVERS: The time machine... it was all true then? JAMIE: The TARDIS - I mean aye, of course it's true! Hey, do you know what's happened to the Doctor? VICTORIA: Oh, is he safe? TRAVERS: Isn't he with you? ANNE: No, he's in the tunnels. Arnold's gone to look for him. Father, what is going on? TRAVERS: Oh dear, I do hope he's alright. Come on, Jamie, let's go and find out if he's got back yet. (TRAVERS and JAMIE start to leave; ANNE calls after them.) ANNE: Father! TRAVERS: Eh? Oh, Victoria, try and explain to Anne, will you?... It's alright, Victoria, you were born... I mean... (To Anne.) She was born years before I was! (He leaves, still flustered.) ANNE: A time machine? VICTORIA: Oh dear! [SCENE_BREAK] 10. OPERATIONS ROOM (ARNOLD and BLAKE have returned from Charing Cross to find Weams and Chorley in the Ops room.) ARNOLD: The Captain's been gone about twenty minutes, you say? WEAMS: Yes, Staff. CHORLEY: Quite a battle - I should think we've lost those chaps bringing back the ammo. ARNOLD: Well it's to be hoped you're wrong, Mr Chorley. Alright, Blake, you can stand down now. You too, Weams. WEAMS: Righto, Staff. (JAMIE enters with TRAVERS.) JAMIE: Ah, Sergeant, the Doctor. Is he alright? ARNOLD: He weren't killed in the explosion, if that's what you mean. TRAVERS: Oh, thank heavens! ARNOLD: For the simple reason that there weren't no explosion. TRAVERS: What? ARNOLD: Somebody had tampered with it - and it's my guess it was this Doctor feller. TRAVERS: What rot, Arnold, the Doctor's a friend of mine. He's the one man that can help us! ARNOLD: Is he now? Well, he weren't nowhere to be seen; he'd disappeared. JAMIE: Do you think the Yeti got him? ARNOLD: No. JAMIE: What makes you so sure? ARNOLD: Dunno - just a hunch. (JAMIE makes for the door.) ARNOLD: Hey, wait a minute, where d'you think you're going? JAMIE: He may be lying injured! ARNOLD: No, we'd have found him. Unless you know where he is? JAMIE: I might... ARNOLD: Take me to him, could you? JAMIE: Aye. ARNOLD: Right, well come on, lad! (They both leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. COMMON ROOM (ANNE is incredulous at VICTORIA's explanation of the TARDIS.) ANNE: It flies? Through time and space? VICTORIA: Not exactly "flies"... it's difficult to explain. ANNE: Not half as difficult as it is to believe! VICTORIA: Your father believes it. ANNE: Yes... yes, he seems to. And you met him - when was it you said? In 1935? In Tibet? VICTORIA: Yes! ANNE: You couldn't possibly have. You're no older than... but you seem to know about the Tibet business... Why didn't my father tell anyone about this Doctor friend of yours and his TARDIS? VICTORIA: You're his daughter, and even you find it difficult to believe. So how would other people react? (They look up as Harold CHORLEY walks through the door.) CHORLEY: Sorry to barge in. Left my typewriter in here, and I want to knock up a quick piece about this mysterious Doctor chap. A bit of a turn-up for the book, wasn't it? Any theories? ANNE: On what? CHORLEY: On what the Doctor and these two kids were doing in the tunnel. ANNE: Mushrooming? CHORLEY: (Laughs.) No, seriously. ANNE: Ask a silly question... CHORLEY: Well hasn't she told you anything? ANNE: Nothing that you could print, Mr Chorley. CHORLEY: (Indignantly.) Oh for goodness sake, why is everybody being so evasive? Why won't anybody answer any questions? ANNE: Perhaps they're afraid you'll interpret them in your own inimitable style. CHORLEY: And what does that mean, pray? ANNE: It means you have a reputation for distorting the truth. You take reality, and you make it into a comic strip - in short, Mr Chorley, you are a sensationalist. CHORLEY: You smug little redbrick university... ANNE: Don't say it, Mr Chorley, I have a very quick temper and very long claws. CHORLEY: There's no sense in losing our temper, Miss Travers. I'm sorry that my journalistic style doesn't appeal to you, but there are millions of people who... ANNE: Yes, the Gutter Press has a very large following. CHORLEY: Yes, it does, it does indeed, and you'd do very well to remember that, because I intend to print all the facts when we get out of here. ANNE: If we get out of here - the Yeti, remember? CHORLEY: I'm not forgetting. (Looks at VICTORIA.) In fact, I think our little friend here could tell us a few things about them. It was quite a coincidence, wasn't it, you three pitching up when you did. VICTORIA: What do you mean? CHORLEY: Ah, don't give us the innocent bit, love. You know very well that the Doctor sabotaged that explosion. ANNE: Mr Chorley, what are you talking about? CHORLEY: Arnold's just come back and confirmed there was no explosion in the tunnel - and the only person who was in there, as far as we know, was your Doctor friend. VICTORIA: If the Doctor did stop it, he had a very good reason. CHORLEY: Yes, well we'll find out soon enough, because Arnold's just taken the lad back in to hunt him out. VICTORIA: Jamie's gone into the tunnel? [SCENE_BREAK] 12. TUNNEL (KNIGHT, LANE and three SOLDIERS are carrying the ammunition crates which they have salvaged from Holborn. KNIGHT, together with one of the soldiers, has built a barricade of explosives boxes across the tunnel, while LANE and the two others form a rearguard behind them.) KNIGHT: (To soldier.) Right, Thompson, that's the best we can do. Now go and tell the Corporal to get the men back here as fast as he can... (We hear gunshots from nearby.) KNIGHT: No, you're too late. Stay where you are. (KNIGHT shouts down the tunnel.) KNIGHT: Lane? Lane! Fall back, you'll never hold them! (LANE and the other two SOLDIERS appear, firing wildly at two YETI in the distance. The bullets seem to have no effect on the giant creatures.) THOMPSON: Will nothing stop them? KNIGHT: Come on, back! (The YETI advance relentlessly, as the soldiers take up position behind the barricade and fire a fusillade of bullets along the tunnel. The YETI come closer, then raise white, gun-like weapons. With a sweeping, rushing noise, they fire their web substance at the soldiers. One soldier is caught in the face by the web; with an agonised scream, he collapses, dead. KNIGHT and LANE retreat down the tunnel, followed by THOMPSON.) LANE: We couldn't hold 'em, sir. They're coming, two of 'em! They got O'Brien and Cocksey, nothing stops them! (Muffled shouts come from down the tunnel, in the opposite direction to the Yeti, and two human figures appear in the distance.) LANE: It's Staff Arnold! KNIGHT: Yeah, come on. (They retreat towards ARNOLD and JAMIE.) ARNOLD: Captain? KNIGHT: (Breathless.) Yeti! THOMPSON: They got two of us! KNIGHT: And the ammo detail - they're all gone. ARNOLD: What's the plan then? KNIGHT: I brought a load of explosives down from Holborn. I'm going to blow it - and them with it. ARNOLD: Taking a bit of a risk, aren't you, sir? KNIGHT: Yeah, I know. (He aims his rifle at the barricade of explosives, now some way along the tunnel. In the distance, the sound of Yeti web-guns can be heard.) JAMIE: Hey, look what's happening! (They look as the YETI stand over the explosives, smothering them with web.) LANE: What are they doing? JAMIE: Looks like the cobwebs! KNIGHT: Cobwebs or not, I'm going to blow it sky high. Get back! (The others retreat. With the YETI standing straight over the barricade, KNIGHT fires a single shot into the explosives, which detonate with an enormous bang. The YETI roar, and the noise of shock waves fills the tunnel.) LANE: What's that noise? JAMIE: The boxes are pulsating! (The boxes in the web glow with an eerie white light. The YETI roar again and continue their advance towards the soldiers, who again start shooting.) KNIGHT: Get back! (They turn to run from the robots, but stop motionless when they look down the tunnel behind them - striding towards them are another pair of YETI!.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. LABORATORY (The PROFESSOR and ANNE are working at the laboratory bench.) TRAVERS: Chorley's an idiot - telling Victoria the boy's gone. Those two are all that child's got in the world. ANNE: I asked her to make some tea - thought it would take her mind off things. TRAVERS: Oh, good idea. Switch the soldering iron on, would you? ANNE: (Turns on the switch.) Father? TRAVERS: Hmm? ANNE: Have you ever seen this TARDIS? TRAVERS: No, no, I can't say I have. ANNE: It all sounds a bit far-fetched to me. (Outside the door, VICTORIA, carrying a tea tray, stops and listens to the conversation.) ANNE: You know, I think the Doctor's at the back of all this. TRAVERS: What do you mean? ANNE: Doesn't it strike you as odd that on the two occasions you've encountered the Yeti, you've also come across the Doctor? TRAVERS: Well? ANNE: Well, it's obvious - he controls them! TRAVERS: Oh, but surely... (He stops talking as VICTORIA opens the door.) TRAVERS: What? Oh, tea. Thank you, my dear. (He sees that there are only two mugs on the tray.) TRAVERS: Oh, aren't you having any? VICTORIA: No, I think I'll go and lie down for a bit. TRAVERS: Good idea. (VICTORIA quickly leaves.) ANNE: Do you think she heard? TRAVERS: No... in any case, what you say is nonsense, Anne. I saw the Doctor defeat those robots and save Detsen Monastery. He wouldn't do that if he was in league with them, now would he? ANNE: No, no I suppose not. In a situation like this one imagines all sorts of things... [SCENE_BREAK] 14. TUNNEL (The group of SOLDIERS is surrounded by YETI, two on each side. The YETI are standing motionless.) THOMPSON: This waiting's getting on my nerves. Why the heck don't they do something? ARNOLD: Steady, lad. We'll know soon enough. THOMPSON: We can't just stand here. Can't we make a run for it? JAMIE: We wouldn't stand a chance, not with them switched on. KNIGHT: (Accusing.) How do you know that? ARNOLD: It's alright, sir. The Professor's vouched for him. Understand he knows a great deal about these robots. JAMIE: See, you have to find out... (He stops as the YETI suddenly start emitting their familiar rhythmic bleeping noise.) JAMIE: What's that? (The YETI suddenly move off, totally ignoring the soldiers.) KNIGHT: What made them do that, I wonder? ARNOLD: Couldn't say, sir. But I don't think we should stay to find out. KNIGHT: Yes, you're right, Staff. Come on, let's get back. JAMIE: Wait - can we not just see what they're up to? KNIGHT: No! If there's one thing that I've learned, it's never push your luck. Now come on. (They head back along the tunnel towards Headquarters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. OPERATIONS ROOM (WEAMS and BLAKE are on duty - they both sit drinking from mugs.) WEAMS: Tibet? Tibet? You're joking. BLAKE: That's where old Travers says they come from. He reckons they're Abominable Snowmen. WEAMS: Well, he's off his chump, ain't he? How'd they get here in the first place? BLAKE: Come through the post, don't they? WEAMS: Nah, seriously. Outer space, that's where they come from. Well that's what I reckon, anyway. BLAKE: Oh do leave off! You've been reading too many kids' comics, you have! WEAMS: Alright then, Corp, where do they come from? BLAKE: It's a foreign power, ain't it? Bacteriological warfare, that's what that stuff is in the tunnels. WEAMS: What, that fungus stuff? BLAKE: Yeah. And them Yeti are some sort of new weapon. Well, a sort of robot army. WEAMS: What, you mean it ain't real then? BLAKE: Well of course they ain't, you nit! Otherwise we'd be able to knock 'em out with the small arms, wouldn't we? WEAMS: Yeah - nothing hardly touches 'em, does it? BLAKE: Not unless you can cop 'em straight between the eyes. Then they've had it. WEAMS: Yeah, well that'll take some doing. I mean, I'd have a job just holding me arm steady if one of them ugly creeps came at me, wouldn't I? BLAKE: I wish we had some more hand grenades, 'cos they're the things that seem to stop 'em dead in their tracks. WEAMS: Yeah, but we ain't got any, have we?. BLAKE: It's a pity that ammo truck they stopped at Holborn had all the gear in. WEAMS: Stone me! 'Ere, we ain't got much of a chance if we come up against that lot, 'ave we? BLAKE: Not with the funny old crowd we got down here with us. You got civvies, RE's, REME... WEAMS: (Smiles.) 'Ere, watch it, mate! BLAKE: The lot. A right old Fred Karno's Army, innit? Still, (Stands up and walks to the kettle.) not to worry, me old son. Not the end of the world, is it? Want some more tea? WEAMS: Yeah, alright then. BLAKE: Well move then! (WEAMS moves his chair out of the way, and glances up at the wall.) WEAMS: Here, Corp, look at this! (He indicates a wall bearing an illuminated map of the London Underground. The rail lines are marked with a bright white, with a line of black around the Circle Line, from the Embankment, through Paddington, to Euston Square. The northern end of the black line is now spreading towards Kings Cross.) BLAKE: What... oh crikey! That's what comes of talking about it! WEAMS: It's that fungus stuff, it's moving again! (They watch as the black line continues spreading...) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. LABORATORY (TRAVERS is working at the bench; his hands are struggling with some delicate adjustments.) TRAVERS: Oh Anne, come and do this for me, would you? ANNE: Alright, father. TRAVERS: It's my hands - can't control 'em! Getting old, that's my trouble. ANNE: Don't worry! TRAVERS: Can't help it - I feel... responsible somehow. If only the Doctor would turn up. I'm sure he could help us. (BLAKE pokes his head around the door.) BLAKE: 'Scuse me, sir... TRAVERS: Eh, what? BLAKE: That fungus stuff, it's on the move again. Euston Square's gone. TRAVERS: (To ANNE.) Come on, let's have a look! (The three of them leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. OPERATIONS ROOM (TRAVERS, ANNE and BLAKE have joined WEAMS looking at the map. Harold CHORLEY has also arrived.) TRAVERS: It's on the move again, Weams? WEAMS: Yes, sir. Kings Cross has gone, and it's moving on to Farringdon. ANNE: It's never moved as fast as this before! WEAMS: Hasn't moved at all the last three weeks, Miss. BLAKE: What started it up again all of a sudden? TRAVERS: Can't say. CHORLEY: Strange, isn't it, that all this should happen on the very day that your mysterious Doctor friend turns up? ANNE: He hasn't turned up. CHORLEY: Precisely. He could have sent those kids in here as spies. TRAVERS: Rubbish! Would Jamie go away and leave Victoria, if he didn't intend coming back again? BLAKE: Excuse me, sir, but where is the young lady? TRAVERS: Oh, in the Common Room, I suppose. BLAKE: No she's not, 'cos I went in there when I was looking for you! TRAVERS: What? Well... where is she then? [SCENE_BREAK] 18. TUNNEL (VICTORIA wanders alone in the tunnels, hopelessly lost.) VICTORIA: Jamie? Doctor?... Jamie? Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] 19. OPERATIONS ROOM (ANNE and BLAKE come in through the door; the others are all still standing around the illuminated map.) ANNE: Not a sign of her. BLAKE: We looked everywhere. TRAVERS: Well then, she must have gone... CHORLEY: Like I said, a couple of spies! WEAMS: Look, sir, the fungus! It's moving again! (The black line on the map continues its journey round the Circle Line, engulfing Farringdon and closing in on Liverpool Street.) BLAKE: Hope the Captain and Staff Arnold ain't anywhere near that little lot. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. TUNNEL (JAMIE and the SOLDIERS come to a halt as they hear a voice in the distance, singing.) ARNOLD: (Whispering.) What is it, sir? KNIGHT: Quiet! Listen. (The voice sings some musical scales.) KNIGHT: Quick, get in here. (They all hide in a nearby alcove. The voice starts a rendition of 'Sospan Fach' in Welsh; as it gets closer, the source, an army Private, appears round a corner [EVANS]. As the soldier passes the alcove, ARNOLD steps out in front of him.) ARNOLD: Soldier! EVANS: (Seeing the group in the alcove.) Well, there's a sight for sore eyes! KNIGHT: (In a loud whisper.) Are you stark raving mad? EVANS: Aye, well I always sing when I'm scared, see. ARNOLD: Stand to attention when you're talking to an officer! (EVANS stands rigid.) ARNOLD: Name and serial! EVANS: (Loudly.) 6-0... ARNOLD: Shush! EVANS: (In a whisper.) 6-0-1 Evans, sir! KNIGHT: Evans? Anybody know him? EVANS: Oh, I'm not one of your lot, sir. ARNOLD: Then what are you doing down here? EVANS: Trying to get out, Sarge! ARNOLD: Don't try to be funny with me, lad! How did you get down here in the first place? EVANS: Driver on the ammo truck to Holborn. Got jumped, we did - quite a dust up, there was. Couldn't get past them hairy creatures, see? Been wandering for hours. Lost, I was. I tried one way, but there seemed to be some sort of cobweb muck moving down the tunnel. KNIGHT: Moving? Are you sure it was moving? EVANS: Well of course I'm sure!...sir. Sounds daft, I know, but it seemed to be following a Yeti that had a kind of pointed glass thing in its hands. JAMIE: Was it shaped like a pyramid? EVANS: Well, I suppose it was, really. JAMIE: Well that's it! Smash the pyramid, and you put the Intelligence out of action! KNIGHT: What Intelligence? ARNOLD: Whereabouts did you say this happened? EVANS: Kings Cross, Staff. KNIGHT: What! ARNOLD: Headquarters, sir - HQ may be in danger! KNIGHT: Yes, we'd better get back as soon as we can. Come on. (The SOLDIERS start off down the tunnel.) JAMIE: No, look... ARNOLD: Now listen to what the officer said, young man. Come on! JAMIE: Look, I came down here to find the Doctor. I'm not going back till I have! ARNOLD: Now look here... JAMIE: No, I'm not going! And if I get a chance to smash that pyramid, I will! KNIGHT: That's quite a risk you're taking. JAMIE: Aye, but it's me that's taking it. KNIGHT: Alright, it's your neck, chum. EVANS: Sir! KNIGHT: Yes? EVANS: I'd like to volunteer to go with the young gentleman, sir. KNIGHT: Well, you're not one of my lot... alright. Come on, the rest of you. (The others head off.) JAMIE: Thanks! EVANS: Don't be daft, boyo. First chance I get and I'm skipping! [SCENE_BREAK] 21. OPERATIONS ROOM (The black line on the map has now progressed to the eastern side of the underground network.) WEAMS: Liverpool Street gone now, sir. TRAVERS: Aha... but still no movement on the southern section. BLAKE: No sign of the Captain yet. WEAMS: Once this stuff joins up, we've had it. Why don't we try and get out now, while we've still got a chance? CHORLEY: Sounds like a very good idea to me... TRAVERS: No, no! The decision to evacuate this fortress must be taken by Captain Knight! ANNE: Yes, but where is he, father? He's been gone for ages! BLAKE: Let's just hope he's not on the Circle Line. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. PLATFORM, CANNON STREET STATION (JAMIE and EVANS are standing on the station platform, examining an underground map which JAMIE has spotted.) EVANS: (Pointing at map.) Here we are, then. Cannon Street. Circle Line. JAMIE: We've gone miles out of our way! EVANS: I told you I didn't know one tunnel from another, didn't I? JAMIE: Why didn't you tell me about these maps before? EVANS: You never asked. Who wants to find a Yeti anyway? JAMIE: (Reading the map.) Monument next... then Tower Hill. Come on, we must find that pyramid. (JAMIE sets off back into the tunnels, followed by a reluctant EVANS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. OPERATIONS ROOM (Captain KNIGHT and his party arrive.) CHORLEY: Oh, thank heavens you're back, Captain! ANNE: Where are the other men? KNIGHT: Gone. TRAVERS: Captain, come here!... (TRAVERS shows KNIGHT the map - the southern end of the black line is now moving as well.) TRAVERS: The southern section's on the move. Charing Cross and the Temple have gone. CHORLEY: Look, Weams says there's a danger we might be cut off. Now don't you think it would be a very good idea if... KNIGHT: If you want to leave, Mr Chorley, no-one's stopping you. (CHORLEY stops protesting.) KNIGHT: Now, when did all this happen? TRAVERS: Just after you left. Still no sign of the Doctor? KNIGHT: None. ANNE: Or the girl? KNIGHT: Has she gone too? TRAVERS: Yes. ARNOLD: That means - all three of them are out there, sir. KNIGHT: Yes - but where? [SCENE_BREAK] 24. TUNNEL (VICTORIA is still alone and hopelessly lost.) VICTORIA: Doctor? Jamie?... Doctor? (Nearby, the booted foot of an unfamiliar soldier silently makes its way towards the sound of the girl's voice...) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. OPERATIONS ROOM (ARNOLD and KNIGHT have moved away from the main group, and are talking in the background.) WEAMS: I think we've had it, Corp! BLAKE: Yeah, that stuff's got us trapped, alright. TRAVERS: (To Knight.) Captain? Look, I know it seems hopeless, but... if we could find the Doctor! I'm sure he could help us. KNIGHT: Perhaps. But I'm sure that he must be dead by now. ARNOLD: If any of those three are on the Circle Line, sir - they've had it. CHORLEY: Captain Knight? Captain Knight! Cannon Street and Tower Hill have gone now! KNIGHT: (Looking at the illuminated map.) That just leaves the Monument. [SCENE_BREAK] 26. PLATFORM, MONUMENT STATION (JAMIE and EVANS walk along the railway track into the station area.) JAMIE: (Reading the signs on the wall.) Monument! Then it's Tower Hill next. EVANS: Wait a minute! Did you hear something? JAMIE: What? EVANS: Listen. (A distant seething, pulsating sound can be heard; it is gradually getting louder and closer.) JAMIE: Look! The fungus, it's here! (A bright glow of white light emanates from the tunnel, and a glowing mass of the web fungus appears, blocking their retreat. The noise is becoming deafening.) JAMIE: We'd better get out, fast! (They turn to run away from the web, but find the tunnel opposite bathed in the same pulsating glow.) JAMIE: We're trapped! EVANS: We've had it, boyo! We can't go forward, and we can't go back! (The noise crescendos, and the fungus continues to close in on them from both sides...)	Plan: A: Jamie; Q: Who joins the soldiers in trying to find the Doctor? A: Travers; Q: Who do Jamie and Victoria reunite with? A: the soldiers; Q: Who is Jamie joining in an attempt to find out what happened to the Doctor? Summary: Jamie and Victoria are reunited with Travers before Jamie joins the soldiers in attempting to find out what has happened to the Doctor.
["How I Met Your Mother", credits] [Title: The Year 2030] Narrator: Kids, when you're single all you're looking for is happily ever after. But only one of your stories can end that way. The rest end with someone getting hurt. This is one of those stories, and it starts... with a shirt. Daughter: A shirt? Narrator: Just listen... [The Year 2005] [The Apartment - Ted] (Ted in the closet taking out a shirt) Narrator: Because none of this would have happened if it hadn't have been for that shirt. Ted: (mouths) Wow. [The Bar - Barney/Lily/Robin/Marshall/Ted] (Ted enters) Robin: Nice shirt! Ted: Right? Right? Lily: Look at those colors! Green and brown together at last! Marshall: Hot top, Bro, is it new? Ted: That's the crazy part. I've had this shirt for, like, six years... Until this morning I wasn't into it at all, but now it's like my tastes have changed. Barney: Booger. Ted: Yes, hello, Barney. Robin: Barney's offering me fifty bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report. Barney: Not some stupid word, "Booger". Robin: But I'm not doing it, I am a journalist. Barney: What? Journalist? You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news. Old people, babies, monkeys... that's not journalism, that's just things in a diaper. Robin: For your information, my boss is about to bump me up to the City Hall beat. Lily: City hall, Miss Thang! Robin: So I'm not going to jeopardize my promotion by saying "Booger" for fifty bucks. Barney: Of course not, because now you're saying "Nipple" and it's a hundred! (Whispers) Step into my web. Ted: (Sipping drink) Mmm... Who's bourbon is this? Lily: Ooh, I don't know. It was here when we sat down. Ted: Aaah, point is. I seem to like bourbon now. I could have sworn I hated bourbon. First the shirt, now bourbon. I spent twenty-seven years making up my mind about things, right? The movie I saw once in Haden, the city I'll never go back to because it was raining the day I visited. Maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions... Marshall: You're finally gonna watch "Goonies AGAIN? Slow love, Chuck". Ted: (Laughs) Not Goonies, girls. What if there's someone from my past, who I thought was wrong for me at the time, but in fact she, like my shirt, is actually a perfect fit? Barney: Hold up, there are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated. Breast, Implants. Lily: That's not a bad idea. Let's think, Ted's greatest hits... what about that girl, Steph? Ted: Steph... [Flashback to Dinner with Steph] Stefanie: Okay, this is difficult to say, back when I lived in LA, I was pretty broke, so I spent a month making adult films. Ted: Wow, okay... how many did you make? Stefanie: A-hundred-and-seventy-five. [Flashback ends] Lily: Say what you will about the p0rn industry... they are hard workers. Marshall: What about that chick...um...Jackie? [Flashback to Dinner with Jackie] Ted: And my bathing suit had fallen completely off. Jackie: (laughs with Ted) I know the feeling, once... when I was sixteen, I was driving, and I hit this hitchhiker. Don't know what happened to him... just kept drivin'! (Laughs) [Flashback ends] Ted: Uh...no. Lily: What about Natalie! Marshall and Ted: Natalie! Robin: Who's Natalie? Narrator: Natalie, I had so many fond memories of her. The tea candles on her dresser. The sock monkey collection on her bed. That one Belle and Sebastian song that she always listened to. Her smile. Ted: Man, I haven't seen her in like three years! Robin: Well why'd you guys break up? Ted: I just wasn't looking for a big commitment at the time, of course now a big commitment doesn't seem so bad... maybe I should call her? What do you guys think? Barney: You dumped a p0rn star? Friendship over (gets up) FRIENDSHIP OVER! [Robin's Boss's office - Robin/Joel Adams] Mr. Adams: Come in, (On Phone) Alright, I'll get back to you. (Hangs up) Robin: You wanted to see me, Mr. Adams? Mr. Adams: Yes, I did. I need you to cover a story. (Nods) It's down at City Hall. Robin: City Hall? (Pans In) Oh, my god. [City Hall, Hotdog stand - Robin] Robin: So, next time you're passing City Hall, make sure and stop by New York's oldest hotdog cart. Today a delicious hotdog will cost you $2.50, but back when the stand first opened in 1955, you could get one for only a nipple. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One. [The Apartment - Robin/Lily] Robin: I said, "Nipple" on the news! That was so unprofessional! I said, "Nipple" on the news! Lily: At least it's better than booger. (Laughs) Booger. (Barney Enters) Barney: There she is. Hey is it cold in here, because I can kind of see Robin's nickels? Now for your next challenge... Robin: No, there is not going to be another challenge, I don't care how much you offer me. Barney: Oh, search your soul, Robin. You and I both know this wasn't about the money. Sure, Metro News One pays you jack and hey, a little green salad on the side's good for you, me and Mr. McGee. Lily: Seriously, who talks like that? Barney: Well baby really likes, is the thrill of pulling one over on those bean counters, who under appreciate you and still haven't promoted you. And for two more hundy-sticks, baby's going to look in the camera and say this (Whispers in her ear) Lily: Eew. I'm just assuming. Robin: (sighs) I gotta get back to work. See ya. Lily: Bye. Robin: (To Barney) Baby's going to think about it. (Robin leaves. Ted enters from bedroom) Ted: Found it! I found Natalie's number. Lily: Hey, Ted. Nice shirt! Is it yesterday already? Ted: Thank you. I am calling her; this is crazy I haven't talked to her in, like, three years. I wonder if she even remembers me. [Natalie's Apartment - Natalie] (She picks up the ringing phone) Natalie: Hello? Ted: Natalie, its Ted Mosby. Natalie: Go to hell. (Hangs up) Ted: She remembers me. [The Apartment - Ted/Lily/Barney] Lily: Why would Natalie hang up on you? Ted: I don't know! Barney: Did you sleep with her sister? Ted: No. Barney: Sleep with her mom? Ted: No. Barney: I'm losing interest in your story. Lily: Well, you must have done something. Why did you guys break up? Marshall: He wasn't ready for a commitment. Lily: Uh-huh. Ted: And her birthday might have been coming up. Lily: (angrier) Uh-huh... Ted: Okay, so I didn't wanna get a boyfriend level gift for a girl I was just about to break up with. Lily: So you dumped her right before her birthday? Ted: No, I didn't dump her... right before her birthday. Marshall: Uh-oh. [Flashback to Day of Break up. Ted's on the phone] Ted: Natalie! Hey, Happy Birthday! Listen... [Flashback ends] Lily: (hitting Ted with every word) Never...break...up...with...a...girl...on...her...birthday! Ted: LILY WAIT, THE SHIRT! I KNOW, IT WAS A MISTAKE! Lily: Well, did she cry her eyes out? Ted: I don't know. Lily: How do you n...Oh, you didn't! [Flashback to Day of Break up. Ted's on the phone] Ted: Natalie! Hey, Happy Birthday! (Scene splits in two to show he's leaving a message on her machine) Listen... you're awesome. You really are... awesome. I'm just like super busy right now, so... maybe we should just... call it a day. But you're awesome. [Flashback ends] Lily: (Hitting with every word) On...her...answering...machine!? And...on...her... birthday? Oh... who... breaks... up... with... somebody... on... their... answering... machine... on... their... birthday?! Marshall: Yeah, dude, email! Lily: Not exactly the point I was trying to make, Marshall. That is a terrible way to break up with someone. Marshall: Okay, in my client's defense. Is there an unterrible way to break up with somebody? No. Personally I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person. (Lily Picks up her phone) It's the least painful way you can do it. Who are you calling? Lily: (On Phone) Hi, Marshall, it's Lily. We're not going have sx for at least a month. But you're awesome. Okay bye-bye. (Hangs up) Barney: Know, that was a big mistake, Ted. You should've done it in person. Lily: Thank you. Barney: Desperate "Please-don't-leave-me" sx is amazing. Ted: Okay, it was childish and stupid, I just...I didn't want to see her cry. Lily: Well guess what? She cried! You just didn't have the sack to face those tears. Ted: That was me then, okay? This is the new old shirt-wearing, sack-having Ted. I'm gonna make this right. Barney: You know what else? My younger sister just got married and I'm about to turn thirty-sex. Fantastic. [Robin's in a deceased's house] Robin: An occasion that was supposed to be joyous suddenly turned tragic when Ethel and Sadie Marsolis, New York's oldest twins, suddenly passed away on this, the eve of their one hundredth birthday. I'm a dirty, dirty girl (Slaps behind). Ow. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One. (Camera man mutters a word or two) Producer: Joel Adam's wants to see you in his office (leaves) [Mr. Adam's Office - Robin/Mr. Adams] Robin: Before you say anything, I just want to say, I really like working here at Metro News One. Mr. Adams: That's great. So my dog keeps going (Makes three consecutive dog scoffs) Robin: What? Mr. Adams: Well you have dogs, right? What do you... what do you think that means? Robin: Take him to the vet? Mr. Adams: Genius. (Smiles) That's one I owe you. Robin: Was that all? Mr. Adams: Yeah. (Robin gets up to leave. Then stops) Robin: And nothing about the twins' story? Mr. Adams: Oh, yeah, great job on that one. New York loves you. You're a superstar, bye-bye. Narrator: That's when Robin realized, no one, not even her boss, watched Metro News One. [Natalie's Apartment] (Bell Rings. Natalie looks through the peephole and sees a giant sock monkey. Opens the door) Ted: Hi. (Natalie slams door shut) Ted: Natalie. Come on, I just want to say I'm sorry. I only came down here because you wouldn't take my call. Natalie: I have an idea. Why don't you leave a message? Ted: (Fake laughs) Good one. Okay, fine. I'm just going to leave this sock monkey here (Pretends to walk away) Goodbye. (Natalie opens door. Ted jumps in) Ted: Natalie... I. Natalie: OH! Ted: OKAY, okay... I... look, look. I know you're mad. Happy Birthday (hands her a sock monkey) Three years ago. Natalie: Oh yeah? Up yours... three years ago (closes door. Ted opens it) Ted: No, look... I was an idiot for leaving that message. I realize how much that sucked. Natalie: (shakes her head) No you don't. [Flashback to Day of Breakup] (Pans out on Answering Machine to show people listening in the apartment because it's a surprise party) Ted: (On Machine) Maybe we should just, call it a day? But you're awesome. Okay, bye. (Hangs up) (Natalie walks in. Everyone stands up) One Guest: Surprise... (Awkward moment) [Flashback ends] Ted: There was a surprise party that night? (Natalie nods) How come nobody told me? People think I can't keep a secret but I totally can! Sorry, not the issue... Look, Natalie, I was just a stupid kid back then, terrified of commitment. Natalie: And I suppose you're suddenly ready to get married and settle down? Ted: Well, yeah, actually (smiling). I'm a different guy now. Give me another chance. Natalie: You must think I have absolutely no self respect. Ted: Come on... Just a cup of coffee. (Pretending the sock monkey's talking) Please Natalie. Give the guy a chance. (Natalie looks at the sock monkey) Self respect is over-rated! (Monkey raises right arm as though it's a fact. Natalie laughs) [SCENE_BREAK] [Natalie's Apartment - Ted/Natalie] (After s*x) Natalie: Wow. Maybe it was the caffeine, but you really brought your game up to a whole new level. Ted: Thanks. I did just start subscribing to esquire. They have some helpful columns. The following, is from the October issue. Narrator: So, Natalie and I started dating again and just like that it all came back. The tea candles. The Sock monkeys. Belle and Sebastian... all of it. It seemed like happily ever after wasn't far off. [The Bar - Ted/Natalie/Lily/Marshall/Barney] Natalie: Well I better run, I have my Krav Maga class in half an hour. Ted: Krav Maga, how cool is it that she does Krav Maga? Natalie: Thanks honey. Ted: Hmm... Natalie: Bye, guys. All: Bye. Marshall: Dude, what's Krav Maga? Ted: I have no idea. Some kind of yoga? Barney: You know, that Natalie... she's good times. Marshall: Yeah, she's like the best girl you've dated in years. Lily: Yeah, Ted, hold on to that one. Ted: Yeah, I have to break up with her. Marshall: I don't get it, man, Natalie is awesome. Ted: I know, she's terrific, but I have to break up with her. Lily: (Hitting with every syllable) Why... couldn't... you... leave... that... poor... girl... alone? Ted: I know! I hate this. These past three weeks have been great. I should be in love with her, but I'm not feeling that thing. It's ineffable. Marshall: Ineffable... good word. So when are you going to do it? Barney: She's probably on the subway by now. You could call her Voice Mail. Beep, dumped. Click. Done! Ted: I have to do this face-to-face. I just... I don't know what I'm going to say! Marshall: "I'm not ready for a commitment." Lily: Oh, that's such a cliché. Marshall: It's not a cliché, it's a classic. It's the stairway to heaven of breakup lines. Lily: Well, I think Natalie deserves better. Marshall: Better. There's no better in breaking up. There's only less awful. A cliché's a cliché for a reason. It's comforting. Ted: It doesn't matter, I already told her I am ready for a commitment, so... oh, my god... there's no way out... I'm going to have to marry her. Marshall: No, no. We're going to get you out of this. Okay, how about... "It's not you it's me"? Barney: Mm... Mm! Six words! You... look... fat... in... those... jeans..., you're free to go. Lily: Ted, have you considered telling her the truth? (Barney and Marshall share a laugh) Barney: Seriously, honey, men are working, here. Lily: Ted, what is the truth? Why do you want to break up with her? Ted: The truth? She's not the one. Lily: So, tell her that. Marshall: Oh, you can't tell her that. That's horrible. Lily: Why? What is so horrible about that? Ted: Yeah, what is so horrible about that?..."She's not the one." Why is that such a heart-breaking thing to hear? The chances of one person being another person's "The one" are like six billion to one. Lily: Yeah, you have better chances of winning the lottery. Ted: Exactly, you wouldn't take it personally if you lost the lottery. Marshall: Alright, man, tell her the truth. She's goanna cry. Lily: Yeah, and he's going to sit there and he's going to take it like a man. Ted: I have to do the mature thing. (Robin enters) Robin: Want to talk mature? I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs. Barney: And great TV was had by all. Alright Scherbatsky, new challenge. And this one's big. But so, is the cash reward. For one thousand dollars, you heard me, all you have to do is get up there on the news and do one of these... (does odd dance) Robin: What the hell is that? All: The Ickey Shuffle. Barney: And as you do it, you say this, "Elbert Ickey Woods. The bangles were fools to cut you in '91. Your 1521 rushing yards and your 27 touch downs will not be forgotten. So Coach Dave Shullah, screw you and your crappy steakhouse." Robin: Just write it down for me. What do I care, it's not like anyone's watching anyway, right? (Sits down) Ted: Man, she's gonna cry. Lily: Slow loves junk Ted: Thanks, Lil. [At the Restaurant - Natalie/Ted] Narrator: So the next night I took Natalie out to dinner. To do the mature thing. Ted: Look, uh, Natalie there's something I have to say. Natalie: Oh wait, wait. There's something I have to say first. Today at work, I had not one, not two, but three birthday cakes, so tonight; can we just skip the cake? Ted: Today is your birthday? Natalie: Yeah, no that's okay... I wasn't telling anyone about it. Ted: Today's your birthday! I... I didn't get you anything. Natalie: Oh, it's okay. You know you've already given me the best present of all. I can trust again. Ted: You're welcome. (Chugs wine. To waiter) Oh, so much more wine. [SCENE_BREAK] [West 53rd Street, Horse Stable - Robin/Henry] Robin: Henry, as New York's oldest handsome cab driver, you've seen quite a lot. (Cut to TV in bar) Robin: (On TV) In your past sixteen years on the job what is your most exciting memory? Henry: (On TV) Well... Barney: Ahh! This is it. Lily: Oh, boy, here we go. Barney: (To everyone in the bar) Everyone, everyone... If I may direct your attention to the television. You're about to see something... amazing. Henry: (on TV) And them, in '72, Mickey Mantle rode my cab for the fourth time. Barney: Come on, baby... bring it home. Henry: (on TV) But the most exciting moment, that would have to be this one, right now. Robin: (on TV) What? Henry: (on TV) Look at me, I'm on TV. I never thought I'd have my story told. Thank you, Miss Robin Scherbatsky. (Cut to outside West 53rd Street, Horse Stable) Henry: Thank you. Narrator: And right then, Aunt Robin realized how important her job truly was. Robin: It's an honor to tell your story, Henry. (On TV in Bar) Robin: (on TV) You know, Metro News One may not be number one in viewer ship. But this reporter takes pride in... (trips and falls off camera) Whoa!! OH! Oh, my god! I'm covered in horse crap! It's in my hair!! Oh my, ow... ow my knee. Marshall: You planned that? Barney: No, Marshall. That was beyond my wildest dreams (Robin's wailing on TV) [At the Restaurant - Ted/Natalie] Natalie: So, if you ever come to Alabama, my mom throws these huge crawfish boils and she's just dying to meet you, by the way. Ted: Look, Natalie, there's something I have to say and there's no good way to say it. I wanna break up. I don't think you're the one for me. I don't want to waste your time because I really like you. I wanna do right by you, and I think the best way to do that is just to be honest. I'm sorry. (Natalie covers her face) Just let it out. They're only tears. (Throws her spaghetti on him) Aah! Natalie: I'm not the one for you? Ted: I'm sorry. I just thought the mature thing to do would be... Natalie: It's my birthday! Ted: Yes, I know I didn't realize that it was... Natalie: It's my birthday and you're telling me I'm not the one for you? Ted: It's really not such a big deal. I mean it's the odds. It's like you lost the lottery. Natalie: Oh, so dating you is like winning the lottery? Ted: No, no, no. I didn't mean that. Natalie: Okay, So what's the problem? Ted: It's... I can't explain it. Natalie: TRY! Ted: It's... ineffable. Natalie: I'm not "F-able"? Ted: No, no, no, no. Ineffable, ineffable means it can't be explained. Natalie: Oh, so I'm stupid? Ted: Oh, god what's going on? Natalie: Okay, "what's going on" is, you broke my heart over my answering machine... on my birthday, waited three years for me to get over you. Tracked me down, begged me to go out with you again only so you could dump me three weeks later. Again on my birthday! Ted: No, it's... it's not like that. I'm just... it's, it's, it's. Natalie: WHAAAT!? Ted: I'm just like super busy right now. Narrator: Remember when Natalie said. [Flashback] Natalie: I have my Krav Maga class in half an hour. [Flashback ends] Narrator: Turns out Krav Maga is not a kind of yoga. It's a form of gorilla street fighting developed by the Israeli army. (She kicks Ted and he flies back) [The Bar - Robin/Barney/Marshall/Lily] Waiter: This is compliments of those two gentlemen at the bar. (For Robin) Guy#1: (mimicking) My knee! Guy#2: (mimicking) It's in my hair! (Robin's embarrassed) Barney: But isn't it nice to know that people are watching? (Robin shakes her head. Ted enters bruised) Marshall: Oh, my god. Are you alright? Lily: What happened to you? Ted: Told the truth, turns out the truth has a mean round house kick. Marshall: Oh, man. Lily: Oh, well you did the right thing. I'm proud of you. Ted: I'm bleeding internally. Barney: Hey, Ted, you know what always picks me up when I'm down? Other people's misfortune. You missed something so amazing. Robin: Please can we please have one person in this whole bar who didn't see it? Barney: Fine. Lily: Are you okay? Ted: I really thought I was going the good way this time. I guess there is no good way. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, you just end up flat on your back flailing around in a big pile of horse crap! Robin: You saw it? Ted: It's going against the internet now! It's okay, grow up. Narrator: And that's how it ended with Natalie. No happily ever after. Just a whole lot of hurt. And just like that all those wonderful memories were replaced. By this one (Cut to Natalie beating him up) Narrator: But you know, bad as that night was... within a year Natalie was married. With three beautiful children. So that's the up side of her. Sometimes it happens for a reason. [Title: The Year 2030] Son: Wow, so you beat up by a girl? Narrator: Is that all you're taking away from this story? Son: You got beat up by a girl? Narrator: Hey, she knew Krav Maga.	Plan: A: The One; Q: What is Ted's search for? A: his past; Q: Where does Ted look to rekindle old flames? A: a grudge; Q: What does the woman Ted is thinking about still hold against him? A: Barney; Q: Who dares Robin to slip questionable words into her newscast in return for money? A: Metro News One; Q: What is the name of the news station that Robin is the anchor of? A: daily; Q: How often does Robin broadcast? A: the importance; Q: What does Robin begin to appreciate about her job? Summary: Ted's continuing search for 'The One' leads him to look into his past to rekindle old flames. Unfortunately, the woman he is thinking of is the same woman he broke up with years ago on her birthday, and she still holds a grudge. Meanwhile, Barney dares Robin, the anchor of Metro News One, to slip questionable words or phrases into her daily newscast in return for money. Despite this, Robin begins to appreciate the importance of her job more.
THE CURSE OF PELADON BY: BRIAN HAYLES 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. CITADEL (Lightning, thunder and wind batter the citadel of Peladon...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. THRONE ROOM (In the throne room, all the delegates, the DOCTOR, JO and HEPESH stand before the throne. PELADON looks torn and nervous.) PELADON: I have no alternative, Doctor. To this charge, the laws of Peladon allow of no defence, and only one punishment - death. (There is a slight gasp from the assembled delegates.) DOCTOR: But there was no sacrilege intended, sir. HEPESH: Only the alien's death can purify the holy temple of Aggedor. DOCTOR: I had no idea that the tunnels would lead there. (PELADON is instantly alert...) PELADON: Tunnels? I know of no tunnels, Hepesh? DOCTOR: Surely your Majesty must know that beneath the citadel there is a network of secret passages? HEPESH: He is lying, your Majesty. There are no such passages! (The DOCTOR stares are HEPESH, almost in realisation. The High Priest coolly returns the stare. The DOCTOR turns back to the King.) DOCTOR: King Peladon, I swear to you that I am telling the truth. I am innocent. HEPESH: Your Majesty... (JO runs up to the throne.) JO: (Begging.) You've got to believe him! IZLYR: His ignorance of the law at least deserves consideration. HEPESH: No, his crime is too great! IZLYR: A Royal pardon would could highly with the federation. HEPESH: The federation cannot override our holy laws. It is forbidden by its charter. ARCTURUS: That is correct. Galactic articles of peace: paragraph twenty-nine, sub-section two. ALPHA CENTAURI: Then we are powerless to interfere! (From the steps of the throne, JO shouts down at the other delegates.) JO: But you can't just let him be killed! HEPESH: You cannot prevent it! (She turns on him...) JO: No...but a King can! (She looks imploringly at PELADON and moves closer to him, putting her face in front of his.) JO: You asked me once if I believed in you. I want to believe in you, and here is your opportunity to show that you are a civilised King. (PELADON swallows nervously.) HEPESH: He can do nothing - this is ancient law! PELADON: Hepesh is right. I am powerless to save him. JO: (Tearfully.) I'm begging you! Please...? (PELADON looks closely at her, then stands and looks closely at the DOCTOR.) PELADON: There is one alternative...trial by combat. (The delegates twitch in shock.) HEPESH: But the Earth delegate is not of noble blood! JO: (Disgusted.) That's barbaric! PELADON: It is all I can offer. HEPESH: He cannot be given an honourable alternative. PELADON: (Snaps.) You forget, Hepesh, he is a man of rank, and as such, an honourary nobleman of the citadel. (To the DOCTOR.) What do you say, Doctor? (The DOCTOR looks round briefly, then.) DOCTOR: Very well, your Majesty, I accept the challenge. But who do I fight? PELADON: (Reluctantly.) You will be held captive in your room until dawn. Then you will lowered into the pit beneath the citadel, where you will engage in combat to the death...with the King's champion, Grun. (The DOCTOR looks at the massive man who he is to fight. JO looks even more tearful than before. Only HEPESH seems pleased...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE DOCTOR'S ROOM (HEPESH leads a procession of two guards and the DOCTOR down a torch-filled passage. The lead guard opens the door to a room and the DOCTOR is about to enter when he stops and looks back at the waiting HEPESH, a smile on his face.) DOCTOR: Yes, you're a wily old bird, aren't old you, Hepesh? But you do realise, don't you, that my death could cause a major interplanetary scandal? (HEPESH remains stony-faced. The DOCTOR is in the doorway when he once more offers a piece of advice...) DOCTOR: Consider the consequences, Hepesh. (He enters his room. HEPESH'S face betrays a touch of uncertainty.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. THRONE ROOM (JO and PELADON are left alone in the throne room, apart from some guards. JO looks disconsolately down at the floor as she paces. She turns and looks up at PELADON who stands at top of the throne steps.) JO: (Upset.) How can I ever believe in you now? (PELADON walks down to her.) PELADON: I'm sorry. But there are some things I cannot change even for you. JO: Don't you even want to? What do mercy and compassion mean to you? (Shouts.) You need someone to die to justify your own stupid superstition! PELADON: (Shouts.) I want no one to die! (Quieter.) Can't you see I've done all I can? (JO restrains a sob and moves off a few paces.) PELADON: He means a great deal to you. JO: Yes. PELADON: Princess, I'm helpless. Don't hate me for that. JO: (Passionately.) I don't hate you. (PELADON looks sad and moves up the steps to the throne. He looks at the chair.) PELADON: Both Torbis and my father died before they could break the traditions that bind us. But my mother taught me all she could of justice, compassion...and love. She knew the time would come. (He sits down. JO rushes up to him.) JO: Then make it now! Be the King she wanted you to be. Be the King I want you to be! PELADON: Oh, there's so much I could do if I had someone by my side to help me. Oh, Princess, will you not give your Royal agreement to an interplanetary alliance...by marriage with me? (JO is stunned.) JO: You know...I just don't understand you! I...I really don't! One minute you're condemning the Doctor to death, and the next minute you're proposing to me! PELADON: Josephine, the matters are completely separate! I had to condemn the Doctor - that was my duty as a King. What I'm trying to say to you now, that comes from my feelings as a man. JO: Then there's no...no connection between the two? PELADON: But of course not. (JO can contain herself no longer. She runs from the room. PELADON shouts after her.) PELADON: How could there be! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. DOCTOR'S ROOM (The DOCTOR lies on his bed, utterly relaxed while HEPESH paces the room.) HEPESH: The door of your room will be left open. There will be no one there to stand in your way. DOCTOR: I see. Killed while trying to escape - is that it? (HEPESH speaks with conviction...) HEPESH: I don't want your death - trust me. (The DOCTOR rises slightly from his reclining position and looks at the High Priest with interest.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM (IZLYR, ALPHA CENTAURI and SSORG enter the conference room. ARCTURUS is already there.) ARCTURUS: The facts point to one thing; a unilateral blood alliance between Peladon and Earth. IZLYR: It is unusual to celebrate such an event with an execution. ARCTURUS: That possibility is obviously intended to confuse us. (ALPHA CENTAURI looks from ARCTURUS to IZLYR and screeches out...) ALPHA CENTAURI: I do not understand! What is happening? ARCTURUS: This is a conspiracy to destroy federation unity and we are to be the victims. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. DOCTOR'S ROOM (HEPESH has placed a parchment map of the tunnels on a table in the DOCTOR'S room. He traces a route through the tunnel with a flint-like primitive pen.) HEPESH: There lies your route to freedom. Take it, leave our planet and live. DOCTOR: I'm afraid I can't. (HEPESH puts the pen down and looks at him.) DOCTOR: Well, not without my space shuttle. HEPESH: A large blue box was found on the lower slope of the mountain. DOCTOR: Yes, that's it. Where is it now? HEPESH: It is being brought to the citadel. DOCTOR: Well, that's splendid. And what about Princess Josephine? HEPESH: She will be allowed to leave with you. (He heads for the door...) DOCTOR: Hepesh? (...but stops in his tracks.) DOCTOR: Why do you go to so much trouble? You could simply have me killed. (HEPESH comes back into the room.) HEPESH: I do not mean to have this planet destroyed in retaliation by the spaceships of the federation. DOCTOR: Yet you slap the federation in the face by sabotaging the commission, why? (A note of fear comes into HEPESH'S voice.) HEPESH: Because I'm afraid. DOCTOR: Afraid? Afraid of what? The federation is your safeguard. HEPESH: (Fiercely.) That is not true! I know the federation's real intent. DOCTOR: The federation's real intent is to help you. HEPESH: No! They'll exploit us for our minerals, enslave us with their machines, corrupt us with their technology. The face of Peladon will be changed, the past swept away, and everything that I know and value will have gone. DOCTOR: The progress that they offer - that we offer - isn't like that. HEPESH: I would rather be a cave dweller and free. DOCTOR: Free! Your people imprisoned by ritual and superstition. HEPESH: We need Aggedor. DOCTOR: You can hardly expect your pet ghost to take on the whole federation single-handed, can you? HEPESH: (Smiles.) We do not stand alone. (The DOCTOR takes up on this...) DOCTOR: Oh, who stands with you? HEPESH: Take your chance while you still can. (He moves the map slightly to remind the DOCTOR of its existence...) HEPESH: It will soon be dawn. (...and leaves the room. The DOCTOR watches him go.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM (JO has gone to plead with the other delegates in their conference room. ALPHA CENTAURI twitches with nervousness...) ALPHA CENTAURI: But Princess, we must leave. If only in order to avoid violence! JO: But you can't just scuttle off and leave the Doctor. ALPHA CENTAURI: What will the grand council say? JO: That you have no power to cancel a mission just like that. IZLYR: The Princess is right. Federation authorisation would be required. ARCTURUS: If we stay, we risk being taken as hostages. ALPHA CENTAURI: (Panicking.) We must leave! While we have the chance. We're in terrible danger! JO: But so is the Doctor! ARCTURUS: This is a very delicate political situation. (JO starts to lose her temper.) JO: It'll be even more delicate if the Doctor is killed! IZLYR: Yes, that would amount to a declaration of war. ARCTURUS: An interesting problem. IZLYR: And the federation would totally destroy Peladon. ALPHA CENTAURI: Yes it would! ARCTURUS: Therefore, we must do nothing. JO: Oh, great! Thanks a lot! (She pushes her way between IZLYR and SSORG and runs from the room.) IZLYR: Ssorg. (IZLYR indicates with a clamp-like hand for him to follow JO.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. DOCTOR'S ROOM (The DOCTOR has made some adjustments to his sonic screwdriver. A small metal rod extension has been screwed to the end and on top of this, he attaches a small round mirror on a bar. He spins this round and it gives out a hypnotic sound. The DOCTOR stares at the light given out, falling fast under the effect of the device. He blinks rapidly and rubs his eyes to recover from the spell. Stopping the mirror from spinning, he smiles, puts it in his breast pocket and starts to leave the room, coming back briefly to pick up the map.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. PASSAGE (JO stalks down one of the passages when she hears a voice behind her.) SSORG: Princess...wait. (SSORG lumbers into view.) SSORG: Delegate Izlyr must talk with you. (He opens the door to the Ice Warrior's room.) SSORG: Will you enter, please? (In none too good a temper, JO stalks into the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MARTIAN DELEGATE'S REST ROOM (JO waits impatiently. After a moment, IZLYR enters followed by SSORG who shuts the door.) JO: (Curtly.) Well? IZLYR: You left the meeting in anger? JO: Not much else I could do once you lot had ganged up to leave the Doctor stranded. IZLYR: We have not, as you say, "ganged up". Arcturus is a coward by logic, and Centauri is a coward by instinct. But they will not leave the Doctor stranded. JO: And why the sudden change? IZLYR: Because federation law allows only unanimous decisions...and I voted to stay. JO: (Puzzled.) You? Why would you do that? IZLYR: You remember when the statue fell? The Doctor saved my life. Now I intend to save his. JO: You really mean it? [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. PASSAGE (Out in the passage, a listening device has been attached to the door which extends from ARCTURUS' casing. The delegate is listening to every word said in the room...) JO: (OOV: Inside room.) You'll help me save the Doctor? IZLYR: (OOV: Inside room.) Yes, it is essential that the Doctor escapes. JO: (OOV: Inside room.) You go and get the Doctor, and meet me at the tunnel. He'll show you where it is. All right? IZLYR: (OOV: Inside room.) Right. (ARCTURUS glides away. A moment later, the door opens and the three come out. JO goes in one direction and IZLYR and SSORG in another.) IZLYR: Come, Ssorg. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. ANOTHER PASSAGE (The DOCTOR reaches the tapestry behind which is the entrance by which he and JO entered the citadel. He looks round to make sure that he is not observed, pulls the curtain aside and lowers the torch bracket to open the secret door. He walks through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. TUNNEL (Once through, he lowers another torch bracket to close the secret door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. ROOM (HEPESH is with a bearded GUARD CAPTAIN.) HEPESH: Gather all our men, captain. Search the catacombs and the dungeons, and remember - the alien is dangerous. If he resists, kill him. GUARD CAPTAIN: My lord. (The CAPTAIN walks off to carry out the order.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. TUNNEL (The DOCTOR makes his way through the tunnels, following the map. Suddenly there is a roar and AGGEDOR starts to lumber out of the darkness. The DOCTOR stops and takes the mirror device out of his pocket.) DOCTOR: Yes, I rather hoped I'd meet up with you, old chap. (He starts it spinning and walks forward.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. ANOTHER PASSAGE (JO walks up to the same tapestry-covered entrance to the tunnels that the DOCTOR used. She repeats his movements and goes through the secret entrance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. ROOM (GRUN is now with HEPESH.) HEPESH: Our ally has plotted well, Grun. Whatever the Doctor does now, he'll be discredited. (GRUN looks almost as if he is sulking.) HEPESH: Oh, I know you wanted to kill him yourself, fulfil your oath as King's champion, but never fear. He is moving into ever greater danger. I promise you - the King's honour will be maintained. Trust me. (GRUN looks with some suspicion at HEPESH.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE DOCTOR'S ROOM (IZLYR and SSORG walk up the passage to the DOCTOR'S room. They see the open door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. DOCTOR'S ROOM (They look in through the door with suspicion and see that the room is unoccupied. IZLYR looks at SSORG and then they both enter.) IZLYR: It seems that the Doctor has escaped without our help. SSORG: Or he has been eliminated. IZLYR: If that is so, Hepesh and this planet will have much to answer for! (Angered, he stalks out of the room with SSORG following.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. TUNNEL (Sat on a rock, the DOCTOR holds the mirror directly in front of AGGEDOR'S eyes. The monster crouches and roars but makes no move to strike. As the DOCTOR gently moves the mirror to and fro, AGGEDOR'S head movements follow it. The DOCTOR sings an alien song to a haunting melody.) DOCTOR: "Klokleda Partha Mennin Klatch, Haroon Haroon Haroon!" (AGGEDOR'S roars have reduced to a gentle growl.) DOCTOR: "Klokleda Shina Tierra Natch, Haroon Haroon Haroon." (The mirror is slowing down its spin. The DOCTOR flicks it back into full speed and carries on with his "song"...) DOCTOR: "Haroon, Haroon, Har-oon, Haroon, Haroon, Haroon." (He lowers his pitch, letting the refrain die away quietly...) DOCTOR: "Haroon, Haroon, Har-oon, Haroon, Haroon, Haroon! Haroonnnn..." (He lowers the mirror. AGGEDOR gently rocks on the spot.) DOCTOR: Well, I must say, you seem quite partial to old Venusian lullabies, don't you, Aggedor, old chap, mm? Right, let's see how friendly you really are. (He raises a hand to AGGEDOR'S head...) DOCTOR: Right, take it easy. (...and gently rubs the scalp. AGGEDOR'S growls start to increase.) DOCTOR: There, that's it. There's a good chap. (AGGEDOR suddenly roars and rears upwards.) DOCTOR: Oh, sorry! Not quite under! (He sets the mirror spinning once more and starts to sing again.) DOCTOR: "Klokleda Partha Mennin Klatch, Haroon Haroon Haroon! Klok..." [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. ANOTHER TUNNEL (Hearing the roars ahead, JO pulls a flaming torch from its bracket and runs on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. TUNNEL (AGGEDOR is quiet again...) DOCTOR: "...Tierra Natch, Haroon Haran Haroon." (Torch in hand, JO comes running out of the darkness.) JO: (Shouts.) Hang on, Doctor! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) No, Jo, keep back! JO: (Shouts.) I'll scare him off! (The DOCTOR jumps to his feet as JO starts to thrust the torch at AGGEDOR who runs off from the fire roaring. JO gives chase.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo, keep back! JO: (Shouts.) Get back! Go on! Back! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo! (Her mission accomplished, JO comes back.) JO: Are you all right? DOCTOR: Oh, Jo, you idiot! (He sits back down in disappointment.) DOCTOR: I'd just started to get through to him. JO: (Puzzled.) How? DOCTOR: By a kind of technical hypnosis. JO: You weren't...talking to him? (She sits next to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: No, not exactly, merely...merely empathy. (He sets the mirror spinning to demonstrate. JO, staring over his shoulder, is immediately drawn to its effect.) JO: Empathy? DOCTOR: Yes, it's a kind of telepathic understanding, Jo. (He gets no answer.) DOCTOR: Jo? (He looks at the girl and sees that she is looking at the mirror in a wide-eyed trance.) DOCTOR: Oh, good grief! (He snaps his fingers in front of her face.) DOCTOR: Jo, snap out of it! (JO jumps to her feet, her hand to her head.) JO: What? What happened? DOCTOR: Well, you just ruined a very promising experiment - that's what happened. JO: (Sorrowfully.) I'm sorry. I thought you were going to be killed. I only wanted to help you. DOCTOR: (Smiles.) Yes. (He gets up and speaks gently.) DOCTOR: Yes, of course you did. And very brave you were too. Come on. Let's see if we can find King Peladon. (His arm round her shoulder, he leads her away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. THRONE ROOM (IZLYR and SSORG have an audience with the King. GRUN, HEPESH and the GUARD CAPTAIN are also there. IZLYR demands some answers...) IZLYR: Where is the Doctor? And where is the Princess? (PELADON glances at HEPESH and licks his lips nervously.) PELADON: It seems they have escaped. HEPESH: A coward admitting his guilt. His life is forfeit. He will be hunted and killed like an animal! (Suddenly...) DOCTOR: I'm sorry to disappoint you, Hepesh. (The DOCTOR and JO stand in the doorway. All turn to look at them.) HEPESH: Guard! (The GUARD CAPTAIN gestures and the two guards at the door cross their pikestaffs in front of the two newcomers.) PELADON: Wait! (The pikestaffs are pulled back. The DOCTOR and JO step forward and bow.) DOCTOR: Your Majesty. I bring you a message...from Aggedor. HEPESH: (Furiously.) He commits ever greater sacrilege! No one sees Aggedor and lives! DOCTOR: Well we just did. And I must say, he's quite pleasant company...for an animal. He didn't even seem to mind when I scratched him behind the ears! HEPESH: (Furiously.) He defiles everything that is sacred. He must be silenced! IZLYR: Let us hear what he has to say. HEPESH: No! PELADON: (Snaps.) We shall hear him, Hepesh. (Gently.) Doctor? DOCTOR: Aggedor is no spirit, your Majesty, but a truly noble beast. But his power is being used falsely, however, to prevent any chance that you may have of entering the galactic federation. (HEPESH stalks down the steps of the throne and up to the DOCTOR.) HEPESH: You lie! The spirit of Aggedor will take his revenge! His manifestation is holy! DOCTOR: Rubbish! His manifestation, as you call it, is solid, hairy, fact! JO: It's true, it's no ghost. I've seen it as well. HEPESH: Then produce this creature, if you can. DOCTOR: He lives in the tunnels beneath the city, sir. PELADON: Tunnels? You spoke of them before, Doctor, yet I know nothing of them. (As the King is speaking, a desperate HEPESH runs up to him and speaks over him...) HEPESH: There are no tunnels, your Majesty. DOCTOR: The entrance is hidden, your Majesty. IZLYR: Then we must organise a search. HEPESH: No! This is merely a device to...to postpone the trial by combat. DOCTOR: Once I have proved what Aggedor really is, the trial by combat, sir, will hardly become necessary. HEPESH: So you want us to spend a lifetime searching for these mythical tunnels. A coward's devious excuse. Take him to the pit. JO: No! (She rushes to the throne.) HEPESH: Let him face his challenge. JO: Peladon?! You can't! (The King looks torn.) HEPESH: Peladon! (PELADON gives in and nods to HEPESH.) HEPESH: Take him away. (PELADON is unable to look JO in the eyes. She drops her head as the GUARD CAPTAIN escorts the DOCTOR from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. PIT (PELADON, JO and the delegates come onto a balcony that looks onto the darkened pit. SSORG carries his sonic gun. The pit itself is beneath them and is surrounded on all sides by a net of ropes that stretch high up to the ceiling. The spectators on the balcony look upwards and watch as the DOCTOR and GRUN shimmy down on two ropes onto the sand covered floor of the pit. Once there, they each pick up a pikestaff which rest on a large log in the middle of the pit and bow to the royal box. PELADON salutes them and bows his head back. He then takes his seat. The DOCTOR and GRUN nod to each other and then the two ropes by which the combatants accessed the pit are raised. The DOCTOR is distracted by this action and GRUN takes the opportunity to charge him. The DOCTOR parries the blow and manages to get several of his own back with GRUN successfully blocks. The two men trade thrusts and swings of their pikestaffs, both the end with the blade and the handle. GRUN rushes at the DOCTOR who steps to one side and GRUN falls against the rope net. JO looks pleased at this. GRUN is quickly on his feet and rushes at the DOCTOR who almost manages to trip his opponent once more. A series of vicious blows send the DOCTOR tripping backwards and lying back on the log. He manages to dodge out of the way just before GRUN crashes down his pikestaff. Unfortunately he gets his staff stuck in the log and the DOCTOR approaches him, his own staff raised. GRUN backs up against the nets as, up on the balcony, the GUARD CAPTAIN silently unsheathes his sword. GRUN edges round the pit, the DOCTOR in careful pursuit. From up above, HEPESH calls down...) HEPESH: Grun! (...and drops the CAPTAIN'S sword into the pit. GRUN catches it and, with muted cries, starts to swing it at the DOCTOR. After several attempts, he succeeds in chopping the blade of the DOCTOR'S pikestaff off and then cuts at the handle that the DOCTOR holds up as his only weapon. With several blows, he cuts the handle to pieces and then succeeds in knocking what remains from the DOCTOR'S hands. As an agonised JO watches, GRUN chases the DOCTOR round the pit, swinging his sword as he goes. The DOCTOR manages to avoid several thrusts of the sword and then is able to grab GRUN by the arm and round the neck, pulling him to the ground. He bangs GRUN'S hand against the log until the champion drops the sword. The two men are then in unarmed combat as they wrestle in the sand on the floor. GRUN manages to throw the DOCTOR and then rushes at him but the DOCTOR is able to throw the large man himself. GRUN rushes back at the DOCTOR. They grapple on the ground again and GRUN manages to pick the DOCTOR up and throw him onto the ropes, trapping the DOCTOR'S ankle in the net. In an astonishing show of strength, GRUN picks up the log and is about to throw it at the DOCTOR who manages to dislodge his foot and jump out of the way. GRUN launches himself at the DOCTOR who once again dodges and the larger man is on the floor. Quickly on his feet, the two men circle each other whilst up on the balcony, the skull-like head of ARCTURUS twists to look at HEPESH. Down below, the DOCTOR drops to one knee, as if hurt and GRUN, smiling, runs at him. It is a ruse and the DOCTOR is able to pull GRUN down by his leg, lift him over to the ropes and thrust his head into the net. The DOCTOR pulls the net taught, trapping and choking the man. PELADON stands whilst down below, the DOCTOR steps back and looks down at his defeated opponent.) DOCTOR: All right, live, Grun. I would not kill the King's champion. (The DOCTOR looks up to the balcony where PELADON holds up a hand to show that the fight is finished. Others have different ideas however and from his casing, ARCTURUS' weapon emerges. ALPHA CENTAURI screams and PELADON and the DOCTOR both look round sharply to see what is wrong. SSORG fires his sonic gun...)	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is sentenced to fight Grun to the death? A: Aggedor; Q: Who does the Doctor meet on his way to escape Grun? Summary: The Doctor is sentenced to fight Grun to the death and his attempt to escape leads to an encounter with Aggedor.
Blake: Hey, Val. Valerie: You smell like dirty diapers. Blake: Then why don't you change me? Owen: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this clown bothering you, Val? Blake: No! We were just having a...sweet, flirty back-and-forth. Owen: What'd you say to me, shrimp? Blake: Nothing. Owen: [ Exhales sharply ] I thought so. Dori: Mail call. Letter for Blake. Blake: [ Sighs ] What? The Jews want me to help them go number two? Cat: No, it says, "jury duty," not "jewie-doodie." Blake: Well, what -- what's jury duty? Lola: You know what the justice system is, right, Blake? Blake: I feel like this is a trick question. Um...there is no justice system? [ Laughter ] Valerie: I knew it. Blake: Why are you always picking on me, huh? Owen: 'Cause you're a jumbo shrimp. Oh! [ Laughter ] High five. [ Grunts ] Lola: Hey, hey. What's the charge? I'm an attorney. Wrongful death. He slapped a child in surgery, and he died. Owen: Let me go, you shrimp. Glenn: Why did you say you were a lawyer? Lola: Because I am one. Look, I don't have any pets or friends. I don't watch a lot of TV, and I'm single. So I got a law degree and passed the bar last summer. Glenn: I will totally buy that. Lola: Glenn, Cat, if we're gonna save Owen, I'm gonna need your help. Cat: We're in. And if my hunch is right, the first thing we should do is pay a little visit to a certain Childrens Hospital. Glenn: Let's go. [ Siren wailing ] Owen: How are you a doctor and a lawyer? Lola: Single, no pets, no friends, no TV, passed the bar. Owen: I will totally buy that. Lola: Right. [ Cellphone rings ] Oh, okay. Hey, what do you got? Glenn: So on the day of the surgery, the kid that Owen slapped to death took a Lamaze class. Wait. But that's for pregnant moms. Why would -- Lola: Hey, I don't deal in "why woulds." I deal in "you shoulds," as in you shoulds go talk to that Lamaze teacher. Glenn: We wills. [ Indistinct conversations ] Owen: Oh, no. Look in the jury box. Blake: Well, well, well. Dr. Owen maestro. How the tables have turned, my friend. Wait. Do you know him? 'Cause that would disqualify you from serving on this jury. Blake: [ Smacks lips ] No, I do not. That's...just the way I talk, my friend. [ Crinkling ] Are you wearing a diaper? Lola: I'm gonna be honest. I am very nervous. Owen: Oh, it's okay. Just relax. Lola: And when I'm nervous, I do cocaine. Owen: What? Shut up. All rise. The honorable judge Lester Harrison presiding. Lola: Oh, do not let me say the "N" word. Owen: What? Why would you say that? Lola: Cocaine. Judge Harrison: You may be seated. Opening remarks, Ms. Spratt? Lola: [ Sighs ] Okay. N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n... Ni-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i... ckel. Nickel! If I...had a nickel for every time a responsible doctor was falsely accused, well, I would be one rich [Bleep] Objection. Judge Harrison: I'll allow it, but you'd better be going somewhere with this, counselor. Lola: Mm-hmm. Sure, that boy has been in here a few times. He's gonna make a great mom. Glenn: Hmm. Anything unusual about him? Uh, yes. Most of my students are pregnant women, and he was neither. Cat: Anything else? Did he ever mention any plans to die during surgery? No. We just did some deep-breathing exercises together. You see, Lamaze was originally invented as just a humorous fad, but it turns out it can relax anyone. Cat: Class that teaches you to breathe, huh? Glenn: What will they teach next -- swimming? You know what, if you really want to get some information, you should talk to Sy Mittleman. He is the biggest gossip at Childrens. Glenn: Yeah, and where can we find this "Sy Mittleman"? Keep going straight past, "have you heard?" And then take a quick right at, "oh, no she didn't." [ Chuckles ] Front blobby. Glenn: Blobby? Take off the "B" and you'll know. Glenn: Lobby. Got it. Cat: Let's go. I hope Lola's okay. Lola: [ Inhales deeply ] Oh, God. Whoo! [ Sniffs ] [ Muttering, laughing ] Okay. Owen: You have got to stop doing cocaine. Lola: [ Breathlessly ] Okay. Your honor, I would like to call an expert medical witness to the stand -- myself. Objection -- on the grounds that I'm like, "What?" [ Chuckles ] Judge Harrison: I'll allow it, but you'd better be going somewhere with this, counselor. Lola: Josh graven was suffering from benign epidermal non-carcinoma. It's a big mole. The chances of surviving that operation -- 0.001%. Owen didn't kill that kid. A bully named chances did. [ Sighs ] No further questions. [ Grunts ] Dr. Spratt, you may be an expert in the medical field. Lola: Yep. But you are a novice in the area of putting transparencies on overhead projectors. Lola: [ Gasps ] No. [ Breathing heavily ] Blake: [ Whispering ] Hey. Great move, bro. Wait. Is he your brother? Blake: No. It's just the way I talk...bro. [SCENE_BREAK] Sy: Ha. You little minx. Cat: Mr. Mittleman, can we have a word? Sy: Got to go, girlfriend. You hear the news? Lamaze teacher told you to come down here and talk to me. Cat: I guess you really are the eyes and ears of this hospital. Glenn: What do you know about Josh graven, the boy who died during Owen's surgery? Sy: Listen, I heard that he was faking his illness in order to get some plastic surgery. Sound familiar, Glenn? Glenn: I had a deviated septum. Sy: Want to hear the real skinny? You go down the morgue and you check on that little kid's body. Talking about bodies, guess who put on a few pounds after their well-publicized nuptials? Glenn: Shot in the dark -- Tilda Swinton? Sy: No. Cat: Let's go. Sy: One more thing. Dr. Valerie flame is going to be called as a surprise witness for the prosecution. Cat: Uh-oh. I'm gonna go to the courtroom. You go to the morgue. [ Cellphone rings ] Sy: Hello. Want to hear the news? You just called me. And in the time you've known Dr. Maestro, have you ever known him to be...rough with people? Valerie: He had a bank of school lockers installed at the hospital so that he'd have something to "push nerds into." Blake: Hmm. Personally, I'd be like, "guilty!" But out of respect for the court procedure, I'm all, "let's wait till the end." Lola: Oh! A moment, your honor. Judge Harrison: I'll allow it... Lola: Great. Judge Harrison: ...But you'd better be going somewhere with this, counselor. Lola: Thank you, your honor. Judge Harrison: What, I'm not gonna allow it? I'm not gonna see where this is going? Cat: Here's the coke you asked for. Lola: Thank God. Two secs, judge? Two secs. [ Sniffs ] Ha! [ Snorts ] Is Dr. Owen maestro a good person? No. In fact, what this witness forgot to mention is that he gave two-thirds of the hospital staff crabs. Isn't that right, Dr. Valerie flame? Valerie: Yes. Lola: Did he give you crabs, Dr. flame? Valerie: Yes. Lola: Yes. [ Spectators groan ] This witness is biased. Boom! No further questions. ♪ No further questions ♪ ♪ no further questions ♪ [ Normal voice ] Unh. [ Laughs ] Owen: That was amazing. Lola: What just happened? I am high right now. [ Laughs ] [ Sniffs ] Ah! Oh. [ Grunts ] I got this. [ Exhales sharply ] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I know what bullying is. I am both a doctor and a lawyer because of overbearing parents who pushed me too hard. Also I'm single and no pets, et cetera. In a sense, I was bullied into becoming a huge success. Bullying can good. Yes, sometimes it has consequences, like a kid is slapped to death or you develop a massive cocaine habit. Dr. maestro slapped a kid, and that kid died. But to hold him responsible would be like blaming John Lennon's death on Mark David Chapman. Now, as a lawyer, I search for the truth. But as a doctor, I can tell you it swims in and out of that magical muscle that you laypeople call..."The heart." The defense rests. Dr. Maestro slapped that kid so he'd fight to live. All in favor of innocent? Blake: [ Chuckles ] Sounds like you're all too afraid to convict a bully like Owen Maestro. [ Sighs ] Look at yourselves. No? Okay, I will. You -- you're like, "Uh, I'm writing with my pen." You're like, "I got a pen, too, but I'm not even as good as that guy." And you're like... [ babbling ] Stop it. Why are you picking on us? Blake: Oh, my God. He's right. I've become the very thing that I condemn. I'm a bully. And...I'm... ♪ loving it ♪ All right! Let's go over this one more time, shrimp dumplings. Yeah, you heard me -- shrimp dumplings! Get used to it. We, the jury, find Dr. Owen Maestro... guilty. [ Spectators murmur ] I'm like, "Tell me something I don't know." Lola: [ Breathing heavily ] Glenn: [ Squeaking ] Lola: Oh! Your honor. I have one more witness I'd like to call. Objection. Judge Harrison: Overruled. Lola: Yes. Judge Harrison: I feel I have to allow it, given my pattern with that. Lola: Okay. The defense would like to call to the stand... Slap-murder victim Josh graven. [ Spectators murmuring ] Young man...are you now or have you ever been...dead? Blake: Yes. Yes. Josh: No. [ Cheers and applause ] Judge Harrison: [ Bangs gavel ] Order in this court! Lola: [ Laughing ] Glenn: Found the kid hiding out in a drawer at the morgue playing video games and eating to-mah-to chips. Lola: But how did he fake his death? Glenn: Get this -- Lamaze. Lola: But why? Cat: Overbearing parents. Lola: Oh, I have the same problem. But I'd take a slow death over a fake one any day. Blake: Hey, guys. I, for one, learned a very valuable lesson today. Cat: He smells like dirty diapers. Glenn: He smells exactly like child feces. Lola: Yeah, he totally does. Judge Harrison: I'll allow it. 'Cause I, for one, really want to see where this is going, "clownselor." Sal: Attention, courtroom staff. I've been moonlighting as a P.A. announcer in the hospital. That is all. Lola: Aah! I'm alive!	Plan: A: Lola; Q: Who defends Owen? A: a law degree; Q: What does Lola get to defend Owen? A: a patient; Q: Who is Owen accused of murdering? A: surgery; Q: What is Owen doing when he is accused of murder? Summary: Lola has no friends or pets so she gets a law degree and defends Owen, who is charged with murdering a patient by slapping him during surgery.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT It's night. The streets are damp, but it's not raining. It's very quiet. We hold on above intersection with a traffic light and crosswalk. There are no cars on the streets. All is peaceful and quiet. An old lady with a cane slowly walks up to the crosswalk. She presses the signal button.WAIT. The light turns red. She steps up to the curb when the sounds of a car engine approach. She looks up and sees a red convertible, with top down, speeding toward the crosswalk. With rap music blaring and tires screeching, it stops at the line. The driver turns. It' a biped with a red fish head. He looks at her. She looks at him. The light changes from red to walk. The blowfish looks at her, growls and motions her across the road. The old woman crosses the road. The blowfish waits for her. She reaches the other side and the traffic light turns green. The red convertible speeds away as the old woman watches. Its taillights disappear in the distance. All is silent again. The old woman turns as the black Torchwood SUV approaches. It stops in front of her. Gwen rolls down the window. GWEN : (politely) Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car ? The old woman points toward the road. GWEN : Thank you. And the Torchwood SUV takes off as the old woman watches. Its taillights disappear in the distance. All is silent again. OLD WOMAN : Bloody Torchwood. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SUV (MOVING) - NIGHT Toshiko sits in the back seat and has skeletal scans and DNA typing on the computer. Ianto sits next to her and puts bullets in his gun magazine. TOSHIKO : Species not on record. DNA-type says some sort of land fish. Gwen is in the passenger seat as Owen drives. GWEN : All I'm saying is, you are speeding and there are children. OWEN : (dryly) Well, if kids are out at midnight, they've got it coming. TOSHIKO : Detecting high levels of algae. GWEN : (amused) Who's afraid of the big scary fish, then ? OWEN: Big fish... with a gun ! IANTO : Special weapons ? TOSHIKO : Not that I can see. The gun clicks as Ianto pulls the slider back and puts a bullet in the chamber. IANTO : Do we need special weapons ? OWEN : What are we gonna do when we catch it ? TOSHIKO : Jack would know. OWEN : Well, Jack's not here, is he ? Jack's disappeared. Fat lot of good Jack is. Everyone is suddenly very somber. GWEN : Blowfish ! She points to the red taillights in front of them. Owen steps on the gas. OWEN : Hold on ! VARIOUS CUTS : With tires screeching, the Torchwood SUV catches up with the red convertible. Owen reaches for his seat belt with one hand while the other is on the wheel. OWEN : (to Gwen) Hold the wheel. GWEN : (warns) Don't you dare, Owen ! OWEN : (shouts) Hold the wheel ! He releases his seat belt and relinquishes the steering wheel to Gwen. GWEN : Right, got it. The SUV tires screech as she drives from the passenger seat. Owen sits up out the window. He aims and fires at the convertible. The first shot misses, the second shot ricochets off the metal. The third shot takes the tire out. The car exhaust flares and veers around the corner. Owen sits back down in the driver's seat. Gwen gives him a look. Owen smugly blows on the tip of his smoking gun. EXT. STREET - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS It's raining. The Torchwood SUV turns the corner and stops at the red convertible. They get out of the SUV and approach the convertible with their guns out only to find it empty. GWEN : Where is it ? Where's it gone ? They look around the houses. Two gunshots sound from a nearby house. OWEN : Go ! Go ! Go ! They run for the house. INT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS Owen enters first. OWEN : Gwen, go left ! Tosh, go right ! Ianto, take center ! Positions ! The blowfish stands at the back of the room holding a gun on the daughter of the house. Gwen gets the mother aside to safety. The father is on the ground, choking, from the gunshot wounds. Owen takes his jacket off to stop the bleeding. Ianto and Toshiko keep their guns on the blowfish. Toshiko also reads her hand-held scanner. TOSHIKO : Massive levels of adrenalin mixed with approximately three grams of cocaine. This fish is wired. BLOWFISH : So this is Team Torchwood. The teacher's pets, but teacher's gone, hasn't he ? Leaving the kiddy-kids all alone. And look at you, trying so hard to be all grown up. (to Owen) The Doctor, with his hands full of blood. (to Gwen) The Carer with her oh-so-beating heart. (to Toshiko) The Technician, with her cold devices. (to Ianto) Which leaves me, with the Office Boy, promoted beyond his measure. All of you... lost without your master. All of you... pretending to be so brave. All of you, so scared. The blowfish laughs at them. He turns and kisses the teenaged girl on her cheek, breathing her in. BLOWFISH : (to Ianto) So, what about it, minion ? Can you do it ? How good are you ? How sharp is your aim ? What if you kill her ? (taunts) What if I kill her first ? Can you shoot, before I do ? Can you ? Dare you ? Would you ? Won't you ? A bullet fires. It hits the blowfish dead center of his forehead and takes out a chunk of the back of his head, splattering blood and fish brains on the curtains behind him. BLOWFISH : Aah... The blowfish falls to the floor. Dead. The mother pushes Gwen aside to go to her daughter. Ianto looks at his gun. He didn't fire. He turns around... and finds himself staring down the barrel of Jack's gun. Everyone stares. JACK : Hey kids. Did you miss me ? Jack chuckles. SMASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS EXT. CARDIFF CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT Top view of the area. INT. HUB - WORKSTATIONS The team is back in the hub. After a few moments, it's clear that Gwen's been in charge during Jack's absence. GWEN : Are you sure no more like him came through ? She checks on Toshiko at her workstation. TOSHIKO : Cross-referencing with the rift activity monitor, doesn't look like it. Jack stands on the side and watches the interchange. Ianto reports to Gwen. Everyone pretty much ignores Jack for the moment. IANTO : The car's been impounded. I'll get it back to the owner in the morning. GWEN : (to Owen) How you doing, all right ? Owen hands her a file on his way to Toshiko. He hands her a drive. OWEN : Bio-profile's onscreen now. Nothing in his genetic make-up likely to contaminate the city. GWEN : Okay, Tosh. Can you add that to the species database ? Ianto ? IANTO : Hello. GWEN : Sorry. Um, can you deal with the body when it's cold ? IANTO : My pleasure... unless you mean making sushi. GWEN : No, the morgue'll do fine. Thank you. JACK : Got pretty organized without me. Although Gwen is working on a computer and not looking at him, she is seething. GWEN : Yeah, well we had to. JACK : (looks around) Hey, did you decorate in here ? Gwen violently pushes him backward. He hits the door frame. GWEN : (lashes out) You left us, Jack ! Everyone is quiet and watching. JACK : (sighs) I know. I'm sorry. GWEN : We knew nothing, Jack ! TOSHIKO : Where were you ? JACK : I found my doctor. OWEN : Did he fix you ? JACK : What's to fix ? You don't mess with this level of perfection. IANTO : Are you going back to him ? JACK : I came back for you. All of you. The computer beeps. Toshiko turns and recognizes it. TOSHIKO : Rift activity ! Everyone gets back to work. ZOOM IN and linger on the blowfish on the table in the autopsy area. There's something in his right pants pocket beeping with a blinking red light. It goes unnoticed. EXT. CARDIFF CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT Top view of the area. EXT. GARAGE ROOF - NIGHT All is quiet. Then a golden gaseous light appears - faint at first, then larger and larger. It opens in the middle and a man walks out. He's wearing a red military uniform jacket of sorts. It's unbuttoned and the shirt under it is so dirty it's gray. He has black pants tucked in his boots. He pauses and looks around. VICTIM (MAN) : (o.s.) Get off, I didn't do it. He hears the voices and heads over. Saunters, really. He's in no rush to get there and it's obvious he just doesn't care. He has two gun holsters on either leg with a samurai sword on his right side. He is armed and very dangerous. VICTIM (MAN) : (o.s.) Please, leave me alone. At the end of the rooftop is a man being attacked by knife-point by an attacker holding him bent backward on a car hood. Both attacker and victim see John Hart approach them. VICTIM (MAN) : Help me ! MUGGER : Come any closer and I'll open up his neck ! Ignoring him, John Hart walks right up to them. JOHN HART : Fine. MUGGER : What ?! JOHN HART : Which artery do you normally sever ? VICTIM (MAN) : No ! MUGGER : I'm not bluffing ! JOHN HART : Oh, well, see now, you've... uh... given yourself away. Only someone who's bluffing ever says they're not. The mugger turns to face John Hart. John grabs the mugger's knife hand while he grabs his neck with the other. He's swift and deadly. He lifts the mugger clear off the ground and carries him over to the edge of the roof. He doesn't stop there. He holds the mugger clear off the side of the roof with nothing but air beneath him. MUGGER : Oh, God ! sh1t ! Please ! Please stop ! JOHN HART: Well... no. John lets him go. The mugger screams and falls. The victim watches and gasps. The victim runs to the edge of the room and looks down. The mugger is dead on the sidewalk below. VICTIM (MAN) : He's dead. John Hart looks at the man. The man looks at John Hart and realizes that he may not be safe from his rescuer. John Hart grabs him by his shirtfront. VICTIM (MAN) : Please... JOHN HART : I... was never here. The man swallows hard and nods. John rolls his eyes and shakes his head. JOHN HART : Go. He releases the man, patting him on his chest. The man runs. John Hart starts walking. JOHN HART : Thirsty now. He walks out of frame. EXT. VARIOUS CARDIFF CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT Speedy views of the area. INT. BAR REUNION - NIGHT Music blares at the establishment. It's comfortably filled with people casually having drinks. The double doors open. John Hart pushes them in as he enters. He smiles. Just what he's looking for. The doors close behind him. He opens his wristband and presses a button. The dance music stops immediately. The crowd groans. Some people notice him. JOHN HART : (loudly) All right ! Now... He looks around the room. He starts with the nearest people and works his way inward. JOHN HART : You, go. You... go. You, go. You ? (smiles) Stay. Go, go, go. Stay. Go, go, go, go. Go, go. Oh ! (to the blonde twins at the bar) Stay, stay, stay. Go, go, go. Go, go! (loudly) The rest of you... go ! He turns his back to the people in the room. JOHN HART : (to the barkeep) I'll take one of everything. He turns back to the people in the room. JOHN HART : Any questions ? A large bouncer steps out. He's with another bouncer. BOUNCER : All right, mate, let's take it outside. JOHN HART : Oh. (He whips out both his large guns and holds them up.) Did I mention I'm armed ? People scream and run for the door. PAN AROUND the room. John Hart smiles with amusement. There's no faster way of clearing the bar. He laughs and turns toward the bar. EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE GARAGE BUILDING - NIGHT Torchwood is at the scene with police and SOCO there also. Torchwood is with the body. Toshiko's hand-held scanner beeps as she takes a reading. TOSHIKO : Fragments of rift energy around the neck, arm and shoulders. JACK : He was grabbed... and pushed. TOSHIKO : Explains the residual energy cluster. JACK : How did you ever manage without me ? OWEN : So, there's a potential killer on the loose,bi-pedal, maybe humanoid. GWEN : Any other alien tech involved, Tosh ? TOSHIKO : No readings to suggest that. JACK : Okay, let's get back and see what we can piece together. GWEN : Taking charge again are you ? JACK : I was hoping for a little power struggle, resolved by some naked wrestling. Gwen heads to the crime scene tape. Andy holds it up for her. GWEN : Thank you, Andy. You can let SOCO in now, they can eliminate us from whatever they want. ANDY : This another one of your spooky-do's, is it ? GWEN : Not yet, but... uh... I'll let you know. She turns and follows the rest of the team back to the SUV. ANDY : (to her back) "Thanks, Andy. You've been very helpful." "Don't mention it, Gwen." Jack reaches for the door. His wristband beeps. Jack presses a button and turns it off. Too late ! Ianto noticed. IANTO : Whoa, that never beeps. This can't be good. JACK : That's what I was thinking. Everyone is gathered around him. Jack presses his wristband button and a nearly-life-sized 3-D light image of John Hart appears in front of him. The image looks like something out of Star Wars IV. JOHN HART : (image recording) I can't believe I got the answer machine ! What can you be doing that's more important than me ? Anyway, you've probably traced the energy shift, found the body. All me, sorry about the mess. Bill me for the clean-up. Now... (claps and rubs his hands) Drinks ! Retrolock the transmission coordinates, that's where I am. And hurry up, work to do ! (girl voice) Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope ! The image turns to look on the side just like in the movie... then it vanishes. JACK : (very serious) Stay here. Don't come after me. GWEN : Who was that ? JACK : Stay here. Jack gets in the SUV. GWEN : But... Jack drives away, leaving them there. GWEN : Hey, Jack ! OWEN : Whoa ! GWEN : Wait ! Gwen, Owen and Toshiko watch as Jack and the SUV speeds away. Ianto turns and heads back toward the main road. Owen stomps his foot on the ground in frustration. OWEN : You see that ? He swans back in and then he shuts us right out. GWEN : I'm not having this. TOSHIKO : (holds up her scanner) I can track him ! Ianto whistles loudly. Everyone turns. IANTO : Taxi ! EXT. STREET - NIGHT The Torchwood SUV turns the corner and with tires screeching, stops on the side of the road. The door opens and Jack steps out. We're low and on his feet as he crosses the road toward the bar. The car alarm chirps on. Jack pauses at the Bar reunion. He takes a deep breath and prepares himself. INT. BAR REUNION - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS John Hart sits at the bar with a line of shot glasses in front of him as he works his way through them. He picks up the glass and downs the drink. He puts the shot glass back in its place, but before he actually puts the glass down on the bar, he stops and turns to look at the doors. CLOSE : JOHN HART'S EYES His eyes are sharp and knowing. He knows he's here. John goes back to his next drink. THE FRONT DOORS Jack's shadow appears in the glass. LOW ON FEET. The double doors open. Jack walks in, the hem of his long coat flapping against his legs. The doors close behind him. John steps out and away from the bar. Like two gunfighters in an old western bar, the two time agents face each other. Jack's face is inscrutable. We can't tell whether he's happy to see him or not. John Hart unsnaps both his holsters. That's a threatening move. After a beat, he starts toward Jack. Way across the other side of the room, Jack starts toward him. They move without hesitation, their ground-eating steps bring them both swiftly to the other. They stop mere inches from the other. The two men stare. We can feel it building... and building... then, they kiss. Passionately. Hands groping and grabbing at each other - heads, shoulders, backs. Their breaths in short, rasping, devastating pants. And the kiss goes on... till they push each other away. John pulls back and slugs Jack hard in the face. Jack smiles. Then, he slugs John hard in the face. John smiles. Now the games begin. John punches Jack in the gut, doubling him over. JACK : Whoa ! John pulls back and laughs. Jack kicks him in the shins, bringing John down to his knees. John looks up at Jack, who has his arms out wide, cheeky smile on his face and tongue sticking out in a dare. John rushes Jack, grabbing his waist. Jack turns and tosses John to the ground behind him. John rolls and stands up. SERIES OF QUICK CUTS : Jack turns and punches him. He punches back. They exchange a series of punches to the head and gut. John kicks Jack. Jack grabs his leg and flips him over to the ground. They grab each other around their necks. John slams Jack back against the wall. Jack grabs John's face and pushes him back against the end of the bar. Glass breaks. John rolls backward and tosses Jack clear through the thin screen partition. Jack rolls over and gets to his feet. The fight continues. John head-butts Jack. JACK : Ahhh ! He grabs Jack, slams his head down on the bar counter and slides him across the bar - through the long line of his shot glasses. He smashes them all and continues right off screen. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROAD - NIGHT The taxi with Owen, Gwen, Toshiko and Ianto inside zooms across the screen. TOSHIKO : (v.o.) Reports coming in of a bar disturbance. INT. TAXI (MOVING) - NIGHT She looks at the hand-held scanner. TOSHIKO : Same coordinates as the SUV. GWEN : Tell the police we're dealing with it. OWEN : Okay, so who the hell was the bloke in the hologram ? IANTO : Looked like Jack recognized him. TOSHIKO : Why didn't he let us go with him ? GWEN : 'Cause it's typical Jack, isn't it ? Disappears, he comes back, then he runs away again. Shuts us out. We don't even know his real name. TOSHIKO : Or which time he comes from. GWEN : Exactly. He's supposed to be our boss, we know nothing about him. It drives me crazy ! Everyone lapses into silence. IANTO : It is more fun when he's around, though. OWEN : Yeah. TOSHIKO : Oh, definitely ! GWEN : Yeah, it is. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BAR REUNION - NIGHT Jack and John both crash through a glass partition. The place is a mess. They land on the floor, roll apart, reach for their guns and draw on each other. Their guns are on each other: a draw. They smile and chuckle as they circle the other and wait for the next round of attacks. The guns don't waiver. JOHN : You're putting on weight ? JACK : You're losing your hair ? JOHN : What are you wearing ? JACK : Captain Jack Harkness, note the stripes. JOHN : Captain John Hart, note the sarcasm. JACK : Hey, I worked my way up through the ranks. JOHN : I bet the ranks were very grateful. I need a drink. JACK : I thought you'd never ask. The fight over, they lower their guns and head for the bar. John reaches over the bar and grabs a bottle. He hands it to Jack as he grabs a bottle for himself. Jack bites the spout off and spits it aside. John turns around and leans against the bar as he guzzles over half the bottle. Jack watches him and doesn't touch his own bottle. JACK : So... how was rehab ? JOHN : Rehabs. (smiles) Plural. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. JACK : Drink, drugs, sx and... JOHN : Murder. JACK : (chuckles) Ah ha ha ! You went to murder rehab ? JOHN : I know, ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt ? JACK : You clean now ? JOHN : Yeah. Kicked everything. Living like a priest. Jack chuckles. He sets his bottle down on the counter. JACK : So, how's the Time Agency ? JOHN : You didn't hear ? (By the look on his face, no.) It's... shut down. JACK : You're kidding. JOHN : No. There's only seven of us left now. JACK : Wow. JOHN : It's good to see you. It was never the same without you. Jack leans forward. John leans forward as if to kiss him, but Jack stops. JACK : You need to go. I don't want you on my territory. JOHN : What ? John stands up and puts his nearly empty bottle on the counter. JOHN : Time was, you couldn't get enough of me on your "territory". John moves very, very fast. He grabs the gun off the counter. Jack ducks to avoid whatever's coming. John shoots out the glass in the front door. He turns and shoots out the glass at the back. JOHN : (shouts) All right, everybody out ! The front door opens. Gwen and Ianto step inside. Gwen is facing front while Ianto covers her from the side. GWEN : Everything all right, Jack ? JACK : It's okay, okay, okay ! Owen comes out from the back with Toshiko. JOHN : (amused) You've got a team ! How sweet ! Oh, pretty little friends ! No blonde, though. You need a blonde. They continue inching forward toward them. OWEN : God ! He's worse than Jack. JOHN : Oh, do you have a team name ? I love team names, go on ! JACK : Torchwood. JOHN : Oh. Not Excalibur ? Blizzard ? Bikini Cops ? No ? Torchwood. Oh, dear. JACK : Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet... JOHN : Captain John Hart. JACK : We go back. JOHN : Excuse me. We more than go back. We were partners. IANTO : In what way ? JOHN : In every way. And then some. JACK : It was two weeks. JOHN : Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife. JACK : You were the wife. JOHN : YOU were the wife. JACK : No, you were the wife. JOHN : Oh, but I was a good wife. TOSHIKO : I bet you were. What ? Don't pretend you haven't noticed, he's cute. JOHN : They're just shy. JACK : (to John) What are you doing here ? JOHN : I was wondering when we'd get to that. He opens his wristband and punches some buttons. TOSHIKO : That's the same as yours. JACK : A little smaller. JOHN : (rolls his eyes) But lasts much longer. Get two Time Agents in the same room together, it's always about the size of the wrist strap. OWEN : Ah, yes, sorry ? What's a Time Agent ? JOHN : What ? He's never told you about his past ? GWEN : No, he hasn't. Jack and John both look at each other. JOHN : Anyway... John presses his wristband. It beeps and a holographic image of a canister appears. JOHN : I'm working with this woman, beautiful, clever, sexy, yadda yadda yadda, and we both get shot. And as she's dying, she begs me. She tells me about these radiation cluster bombs she'd been working on. OWEN : I don't like the sound of that. JOHN : Three canisters, contents beyond toxic, swallowed up in a riftstorm. TOSHIKO : And ended up here. JOHN : Bingo. That's the downside of your city being built on a rift in space and time. Now, left to their own devices, the radiation'll break down the canisters and then infect your people and planet. They need to be neutralized. He presses more buttons and the holograph disappears. JACK : What do you get out of this ? JOHN : Dying woman's wish. (Jack doesn't believe him.) Now, there's only one problem : I don't know where they are. Hoping local knowledge might help. TOSHIKO : When we get back to the Hub, I can run a citywide scan on radiation surges and cross-reference that with the rift activity during that time span. JOHN : What are you, the brains and the beauty ? You see, together it's an easy job. Jack gets in John's face. JACK : We do this, you get out of here when it's finished. Right away. JOHN : Does this mean I get to see your house ? Jack's not smiling. Hold on John Hart. EXT. PLAZA - NIGHT Jack stands at the base of the water tower. JOHN : You live in a sculpture ? Could you be any more pretentious ? Jack points to the concrete block. JACK : Get on. John looks around. JOHN : So your team not allowed in this way ? He steps on the block with Jack. JACK : This is the entrance for tourists. JOHN : I remember the last time you said that. The block starts to descend. JOHN : Where the hell are we... ? Jack smiles at him. He shakes his head. INT. THE HUB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS Toshiko watches as the block descends into the hub. JOHN : It's roomy, I'll give you that. John looks around. Toshiko, Gwen and Ianto are waiting at the base. Toshiko hands Gwen the scanner. JOHN : Your taste in interior design hasn't got any better, though. What is this, sewer chic ? Ianto waits for them. Owen stands in the back, his gun out. The block stops. Jack steps off and faces John. He stops him from stepping off the block. JACK : Weapons. John removes his guns and hands them to Jack, who puts them on the silver tray Ianto is holding. John removes his samurai sword and gives it to Jack, who hands it to Ianto. John shrugs innocently. Jack holds out his hand. JACK : And the rest. JOHN : Oh, you know me. I'm a two-weapon man. GWEN : (reading the scanner) One pistol strapped to each leg, laser knife beneath left elbow, 17 small explosive charges in the lining of his coat. QUICK CUTS : As she talks, John hands over the weapons. JOHN : Slipped my mind. Jack drops the tiny pistol on the tray on top of the other weapons. INT. HUB - BACK CORRIDOR Gwen and Jack walk. GWEN : He's a compulsive liar ! Why is he in the building ? JACK : There's the tiniest one percent chance he's breaking a habit of a lifetime, and telling the truth. Which means this city is in danger. GWEN : What did he mean by a Time Agent ? You've never mentioned it. JACK : That was in the past. GWEN : Oh, okay. Here we go again. You know everything about me, Jack, why d'you keep shutting me out ? JACK : Here and now, that's what's important. The work we do, the person I am now. That's what I'm proud of. GWEN : Then why did you desert us ? Jack doesn't answer her. GWEN : Where did you go ? No, no, come on, where did you go ? Tell me. Talk to me. JACK : I have died so many times. Been dragged back into life, like being hauled over broken glass. I saw the end of the world. GWEN : How ? JACK : Doesn't matter now. But after it was all over... I knew I belong here. What kept me fighting was the thought of coming home to you. He runs his hand down her arm, looks at her and smiles. He takes her hand and notices her ring. He holds her hand up. JACK : What's this ? GWEN : That's an engagement ring, that is. She looks at her ring with surprise. JACK : You're getting married ? GWEN : Yes. Rhys asked. (She puts her hand down.) When you were away. JACK : Wow ! Gwen Cooper getting married. (She nods.) Down on one knee ? GWEN : He tried to, and then he had a twinge in his back and had to lie on the settee, and that's when he popped the question. JACK : And you said yes. GWEN : Well, no-one else will have me. They look at each other. JACK : Good for you. Jack kisses her on the cheek. JACK : We should get back to work. GWEN : Mm-hm. Jack turns and heads back. Gwen nods, just standing there for a moment. INT. HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT Toshiko presents her findings to everyone. John Hart sits back on the conference seat, his leg up on the table. TOSHIKO : Seven hours ago we logged a minor surge in rift energy, across three locations. JOHN : Six of us, three locations. That's simple. Two people per canister. JACK : Excuse me, I give the orders. JOHN : Well, give some, big boy ! GWEN : John's right. Sorry... um... d'you prefer John, or Captain ? JOHN : With eyes like yours, call me Vera, I won't complain. Ianto rolls his eyes. GWEN : Tosh and Owen, take the north. Ianto and Jack go west. Me and Vera'll take the docks. JACK : Excuse me, not to repeat myself... GWEN : Got a problem with this, Jack ? Everyone waits. Jack smiles and backs off. JACK : Not at all. Gwen nods. JOHN : Now, given the canisters are radioactive, don't open them, eh ? GWEN : Let's go, guys. JACK : Gwen, I need a word. Everyone else leaves. JOHN : Oh, can I watch this bit ? He's gonna give you all the dos and don'ts. I love it. JACK : (points to the door) She'll be with you in a second. John gets up and leaves the room. JACK : What the hell are you doing ? GWEN : If I can get him talking, flirt a bit, he may drop his guard. I can find out what he's really up to. JACK : Okay, clever. GWEN : Thank you. JACK : But dangerous, leave it to me. GWEN : I led the team while you were way, Jack. I can handle this. He knows you too well. He'll never tell you the truth. JACK : Three rules : One, don't believe anything he says. Two, always keep him in front of you. And three, under no circumstances let him kiss you. GWEN : As if I would ! JOHN : (o.s.) Has he gone to the no-kissing rule yet ? John is leaning against the wall out in the hallway. JOHN : He only invented that because he wants me all to himself. Gwen starts out. Jack watches them go. GWEN : (to John) Keep in front. EXT. VARIOUS CARDIFF CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT Top view of the area. EXT. SHIPYARD - NIGHT There are stacks of shipping containers in the shipyard. John and Gwen look through them. JOHN : Nothing. He opens the next container. JOHN : Are you sure this is the right spot ? Gwen peers into the container with her flashlight, but remains behind him. GWEN : Yeah. But containers get shifted all the time. She closes the container door. JOHN : This could take days. They continue looking. GWEN : So that woman, the one with the canister, how did you get to know her again ? JOHN : We were in love. GWEN : Oh. I'm sorry. Did they catch the person who shot her ? JOHN : Do we have to talk about this ? GWEN : No, no, of course not. She drops the subject. John opens the nearest container. Gwen's phone rings. She ignores it. JOHN : Don't mind me. She answers the phone and turns her back to John. GWEN : (to phone) Shouldn't you be asleep ? INTERCUT WITH : INT. RHYS/GWEN'S PLACE - KITCHEN - NIGHT RHYS : (to phone) I got it ! GWEN : (filtered) Sorry ? RHYS : (excited) Manager at Harwoods ! Gwen motions to the canister next to her. RHYS : (filtered) The letter was on the mat ! I got the bloody job ! He laughs and opens the refrigerator. GWEN : (to phone) Oh, my God ! Rhys, that is fantastic ! John crowds her. JOHN : (sexy voice) Baby, you're fantastic too. Yeah, just there ! She shoves him away from her and steps away. RHYS : (to phone) Who's that ? GWEN : (to phone) It's some idiot I work with, that's all. RHYS : (filtered) I don't suppose there's any chance of me seeing you before breakfast ? Gwen steps away from him. GWEN : (to phone) It looks like it's gonna be an all-nighter. Go on, get yourself to bed. I am so proud of you. I love you. RHYS : (to phone) Yeah, well, I love you more. GWEN : Bye. She hangs up and tucks her phone back into her jacket pocket. GWEN : John ? There's no answer. She checks where she left him last... and finds him gone.) GWEN : John ? There's no sign of him. She looks around. GWEN : John ! There's no answer. She takes her gun out. GWEN : John ! JOHN : Worried you'd lost me ? Surprised, she swings around, her gun out and pointed at him. JOHN HAR: Whoa. Little bit jumpy there ? GWEN : Keep in front of me, okay ? JOHN : God, you're so untrusting. But with your boss, it's probably wise. GWEN : Yeah, well. I trust him just fine, thank you. JOHN : Once a con man, always a con man. GWEN : What do you mean by that ? JOHN : Look, just don't rely on him, Gwen. There's a lot about him you don't know. He goes to the container door. JOHN : Fancy a peek ? He opens the doors. Gwen steps inside and looks. They find a canister. JOHN : Aha ! GWEN : Is that it ? Gwen heads over first. John follows behind her. She picks up the canister. He walks up to her, pushes her to the side. Her back slams up against the wall. GWEN : What are you doing ?! And he kisses her hard. She pushes him away from her. GWEN : Get off me ! He laughs. JOHN : Celebrating, that's all. (Gwen gasps for breath and falls to the floor.) God, the 21st Century is so frigid ! Something is wrong with her. GWEN : What've you done ? JOHN : Don't get up. I mean, you can't anyway. Paralyzing lip gloss. I think it might have even been Jack taught me that trick. Just one problem, if you're not found in two hours, your major organs will go into shutdown. He takes her cell phone out of her jacket pocket and wiggles it in front of her. JOHN : Thanks. He pushes her down to the ground, gets up and heads out. JOHN : (o.s.) You gonna be okay in here without me ? He stops in the doorway. JOHN : He won't stay with you. He and I shared something. John closes the door behind him. Gwen is as good as dead in the container. Her eyes are wide and she swallows. She's helpless and she knows it. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CONTAINER - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS John secures the bar across the container door. He looks at Gwen's cell phone, turns and throws it as far and as high as he can. We hear it land somewhere. He turns and leaves. EXT. SHIPYARD (STOCK) - NIGHT EXT. VARIOUS CARDIFF CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Owen and Toshiko cautiously make their way through the warehouse containers. Toshiko tries the light switch. It doesn't work. TOSHIKO : No bulbs. OWEN : No, 'cause that would only be helpful. Oh, great, how are we gonna find a canister in all this tut ? TOP VIEW DOWN of the very large and very full warehouse. OWEN : What are we doing with our lives, Tosh ? TOSHIKO : I know. We should be out having fun ! Bet you'd normally be out on the pull, this time of night. OWEN : Oh, no, bollocks to that, Tosh. Talk about diminishing returns. TOSHIKO : Not with you. OWEN : Well, you know, I've done all that, haven't I ? Where did it get me ? No, you know, I need a proper woman, you know. Someone I've got something in common with, you know. Er, got anyone on the horizon ? TOSHIKO : Like you say, difficult to meet anyone I've got anything in common with. What with the things we see. OWEN : You beauty ! She turns. Owen's found it. He drags a chair over to the shelf. OWEN : Yes ! Owen finds the canister up on the shelf. OWEN : Job done ! JOHN HART : (o.s.) Good work, team ! They turn around and John Hart walks in. TOSHIKO : Where's Gwen ? He doesn't answer her. Toshiko reaches to draw her gun, but he reaches her first. He head-butts her in the face and pushes her down to the side. He pulls his gun on Owen, who is just climbing down off the chair. JOHN : Ah, ah, ah ! Gun on the floor... He slowly, deliberately, dangerously turns his gun on Toshiko, who is still on the floor and is sporting a bleeding nose. JOHN : ...or I shoot her. Owen puts his gun on the floor. OWEN : (to comm) Jack, where are you ? JOHN : I muted the comms system as soon as we left the palace under the pavement. (Owen looks at John. John raises his arm.) I love my little wrist strap. Now... phones. OWEN : You touch her again, and I will kill you. Okay ? Owen and Toshiko slide their phones toward John. John takes a couple of steps forward. He picks up a cricket bat on the shelf nearby and looks at Owen. JOHN : The efficiency of a gun, or the brutality of wood ? OWEN : Yeah, look, stop toying with me and get on with it. John fires. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - NIGHT The doors open. Jack and Ianto step into the office. JACK : Oh, yeah ! Loving that office-y feel ! (They look around.) I always get excited in these places. To me, they're exotic. Office romances... photocopying your butt... well, maybe not your butt, although as we're here, why don't we... IANTO : (interrupts) The rift was active at these coordinates approximately two hundred feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof. Ianto continues searching. Jack watches him. JACK : How are you, Ianto ? IANTO : All the better for having you back, sir... Ianto turns away and checks one of the desks furthest away from Jack. JACK : Can we maybe drop the sir, now ? While I was away, I was thinking... maybe we could, you know, when this is all done... dinner ? A movie ? Ianto turns and looks at Jack. IANTO : Are you asking me out on a date ? JACK : Interested ? IANTO : Well... as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself. Ianto continues looking. JACK : Looks like we're gonna have to go through every drawer, bin and plant pot. IANTO : Right. Okay. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting overexcited, and you take the roof. You're good on roofs. Jack starts for the door. Ianto whirls around. IANTO : Jack ? Why are we helping him ? JACK : He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone. Jack starts to leave again, but turns back. JACK : By the way... was that a yes ? IANTO : Yes ! Yes. Jack smiles and leaves the office. Ianto continues looking around. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT The door bursts open and Jack steps out onto the roof. He starts looking around. INT. OFFICE - NIGHT VARIOUS QUICK CUTS OF : Ianto continues to search the office. The elevator bell dings. He stands up quickly and turns around. He waits a bit, then pulls out his gun. He pulls the slider back, putting a bullet in the chamber, then he cautiously heads out. INT. OFFICE - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS Ianto steps out of the office and starts down the hallway. He reaches the first elevator and finds the doors closed. He checks the second elevator and finds the door open and no one inside. John presses the muzzle of his gun against the back of Ianto's head. JOHN : Into the lift, eye candy. Ianto puts his hands up. John takes his gun from him. Ianto turns around. JOHN : Your friends are bleeding and dying. John advances on him, forcing him to step backward into the elevator. JOHN : You barely have enough time to save them. Ianto hits his earpiece. IANTO : (to comm) Owen ? Gwen ? JOHN: (scoffs) What am I, a child ? It's primitive bit of technology, easily blocked; you should be embarrassed. And when you get to the bottom, run. You look like a man who enjoys a challenge, see if you can save them. Come back up here, I'll shoot on sight. John presses the elevator button. ELEVATOR VOICE : Going down. He backs away as the doors start to close. JOHN : Going down. Yes, please. Ianto steps forward and stops the doors. IANTO : Why are you doing this ? JOHN : We're a cosmic joke, eye candy, an accident of chemicals and evolution. The jokes, the sx, (he strokes Ianto's cheeks with the muzzle of his gun) - just cover the fact that nothing means anything. And the only consolation is... money. (He puts the muzzle of the gun against Ianto's forehead and pushes him back into the elevator.) So run, Ianto Jones ! ELEVATOR VOICE : Going down. John backs away and smiles. ELEVATOR VOICE : Doors closing. Ianto punches the wall in frustration and turns as the doors close on him. EXT. STREET BELOW - NIGHT Ianto runs around the SUV. He climbs inside, starts the engine and drives away. PAN UP the side of the building to... EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS Jack finds the canister and bends over to pick it up. JOHN : (o.s.) Rear of the Year. Jack turns around. John joins him on the rooftop. JOHN : 5094. Still looking good. Jack's phone rings. He looks at it. JOHN : Cute boy, ringing to warn you about me. John grabs the phone from him and tosses it aside. He holds his hand out. JOHN : Canister. JACK : If you've harmed them in any way... JOHN : You know, they're pretty, but stupid. You used to have better taste. JACK : Doesn't look like that from here. JOHN : Just give it here. JACK : Radiation cluster bombs ? Really ? JOHN : Let's not get hung up on details. JACK : Little embarrassing that you needed help to find them. JOHN : A little humiliating you fell for the scam. Your dolly birds did all my legwork. JACK : Is that what you wanted ? JOHN : What I want is for you to come to your senses. Join me, Jack. Back in the old routine, we'd be emperors. How can you stay tied to one planet when there's thousands of worlds, sparkling with wonder? We should be up there, among the stars, claiming them for our own. Just like before. JACK : I can't. JOHN : Why not ? What the hell is there to keep you here ? Come on. The glitter of the galaxy. The mischief we could make. JACK : You know, you never really mastered that temptation spiel. JOHN : It's not a spiel. It's fact. JACK : Move on. Here I am, in a new life and you're still churning out the same old tunes. And sorry, but they don't play as well, now you're looking a little older. And what are they ? Wrinkles around your eyes ? JOHN : Laugh lines. JACK : Oh, hell of a good joke. JOHN : It's you I'm laughing at. Canister. Jack holds up the canister, then tosses it over his shoulder and off the building somewhere behind him. JACK : Whoops. John seethes. Jack laughs at him. JOHN : Whoops. John pushes Jack backward off the building. JACK : Ahh ! TOP VIEW DOWN : John watches as Jack falls. Jack falls and falls and falls... and he doesn't scream. JOHN'S POV : Jack has stopped falling and appears to be dead. John pushes himself away from the edge of the rooftop and walks away. CARLIGHTS FLASH as the SUV turns the corner. EXT. CARDIFF CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT The Torchwood SUV zooms along the highway. Ianto dials and puts his earpiece in. INTERCUT WITH : EXT. SHIPYARD - NIGHT Gwen's phone rings. It's on the ground somewhere. Ianto drives. His hand taps the steering wheel impatiently as he listens to the linering. IANTO : (mutters) Come on. TOP VIEW OF SHIPPING CONTAINERS Gwen's phone continues to ring. Her eyes are open and she's still on the ground in the dark container. She's conscious and unable to move. Her phone continues to ring. EXT. ROAD - NIGHT The Torchwood SUV continues to zoom across the highway. INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Toshiko is tending to Owen. OWEN : Agh ! TOSHIKO : I'm sorry ! I'm sorry. OWEN : Ow ! Owen puts the cloth aside. His jeans are open and there's a pair of scissors open as well. Toshiko hands him a vial as he works on himself. TOSHIKO : Why didn't he just kill us ? OWEN : He got what he wanted. Maybe he just underestimated us. EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT The SUV stops outside. Ianto gets out and looks at the building. He uses a crowbar and hits the padlock on the door. INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Owen uses his teeth and tears off a strip of tape. He continues working on his wound. IANTO : (o.s.) Tosh ! Owen ! TOSHIKO : (shouts) Ianto ! IANTO : (o.s.) Tosh ! She gets up. TOSHIKO : (shouts) We're over here. Ianto has his gun out as he quickly and cautiously makes his way toward them. IANTO : What happened ? TOSHIKO : Where's Gwen ? Have you heard from Gwen ? IANTO : No. EXT. PLAZA OUTSIDE BUILDING - NIGHT John exits out of the building through the spinning doors. He picks up the canister, then walks over to Jack, who is sprawled over the concrete benches. John crouches next to him, setting the canister down on the ground. JOHN : Rehab... didn't really work. Jack's eyes are open and unresponsive. John removes Jack's wristband. JOHN : Front door key. Thanks. He tenderly touches Jack's lips and looks regretfully at him. He picks up the canister, gets up and leaves. TOP VIEW DOWN : John walks away from Jack's dead body. EXT. SHIPYARD - NIGHT Ianto, Owen and Toshiko search the containers. He walks past them. IANTO : If she's in one of these, we'll never find her, there's too many ! TOSHIKO : Just keep looking ! Owen opens a container door and groans. OWEN : Aah ! God, I need more painkillers ! Ianto takes his phone out. IANTO : I'll try her phone again. ZOOM over to Gwen in the dark container. Her eyes are open and she's still not moving. She hears her phone ring faintly. Her eyes move as she looks to the side. IANTO'S PHONE They hear the phone ringing. Ianto follows the sound and starts running toward it. IANTO : (shouts) Over here ! Toshiko and Owen head over as well. Gwen is in the dark and waits. TOP VIEW OF SHIPYARD. The phone rings. Gwen's phone is on the ground. Owen picks it up. OWEN : She must've dropped it. Ianto has his gun out. He's being cautious. IANTO : (shouts) Gwen ! Gwen ! Toshiko digs into her bag. TOSHIKO : Unless it's another of Captain John's tricks. She takes out her hand-held scanner. IANTO : What're you doing? TOSHIKO : If Gwen used the phone here, I can use the network to triangulate the location where she answered her last call. Got it ! Toshiko turns and heads off. Ianto and Owen follow. INT. CONTAINTER - CONTINUOUS Gwen lies on the cold floor. EXT. CONTAINER - CONTINUOUS They arrive at the location. Owen and Ianto head for the last two containers. TOSHIKO : This is where she made the call. Open every container door ! They open the container doors and start checking. Toshiko opens a container door. INT. CONTAINTER - CONTINUOUS Gwen's on the floor. The container door opens and Toshiko finds her. TOSHIKO : She's here ! They run inside to check on her. TOSHIKO : Gwen, it's all right. We're here with you. Toshiko turns Gwen's head so she can see them. TOSHIKO : What happened ? What's he done to her ? Owen gets to work. They all move quickly and efficiently. OWEN : She's still breathing. No discernible injuries. Tosh, let's get this thing started. Ianto, take a swab. Owen hands Ianto a swab out of his kit. Toshiko opens her laptop. Owen checks her eyes. OWEN : Right, pupils dilating, she's still conscious. (Ianto swabs Gwen's lips.) Stay with us, darling. Ianto dabs the swab in Toshiko's scanner. Toshiko runs the analysis and gets the results. She turns the laptop toward Owen. TOSHIKO : He's poisoned her. OWEN : (to Ianto) Anti-toxin kit now ! Ianto gets up to get it. OWEN : Gwen, hold on. EXT. CARDIFF CITY - BAY (STOCK) - MORNING Establish time of day. INT. HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - MORNING John Hart is back in Torchwood. He picks up the last canister and opens it. He takes out the piece inside to match the other two pieces. He places the last piece as the third side of a triangle on the counter. He turns and walks over to the blowfish's body on the table behind him. He sighs. JOHN : Had to go and steal a car. Get yourself noticed. John checks his pockets and finds a small pyramid. It's beeping. He looks at it. JOHN : Now... He heads back to the counter and we can see that the pyramid is a fourth piece and fits perfectly in the open center of the triangle. John crouches down and starts to set the piece. CLOSE-UP ON four guns and four hands pulling the gun slides back to load the chamber. John turns and finds Ianto, Gwen, Owen and Toshiko standing at the top of the bay area with their guns trained on him. JOHN : Ok. He stands up and faces them. The pyramid piece is still in his hand. The pyramid stops beeping. JOHN : Pretty and resilient. Is that even fair ? GWEN : Maybe you didn't realize. You can beat, shoot, threaten, and even poison us, and we keep coming back. Stronger every time. JOHN : (casually) Well, I think you ought to know, your boss is splayed out on the... Jack steps forward into view. John is sufficiently surprised to see him. JOHN :... pavement. Now that's impressive. Seriously, you can earn a fortune in the Vegas galaxies with an act like that. Go on, how's it work ? JACK : I can't die. JOHN : No. But, really... JACK : No. But really, you can't kill me. No matter how many times you try. I can't die. Ever. Jack starts down the steps into the bay area. Gwen and Ianto make room for him, then train their guns back on John. JOHN HART : But what does it cost you ? Every time you have to drag yourself back here, how does it feel ? All that pain and trauma. Plus, you're reborn into this godforsaken mess. I pity you. JACK : These people. This planet. All the beauty you could never see. That's what I come back for. JOHN HART : Well, goody on you. GWEN : What's in the canisters ? OWEN : Come-clean time, Captain. JOHN : Yeah, all right. That woman I told you about ? Had herself an Arcadian diamond, the rarest gem in the Damascene Cluster. Just when I'd got my hands on her, she only generates her own personal riftstorm. God, I hate technological geniuses. TOSHIKO : You said this was a dying woman's request. JOHN : Yeah, she was dying. I shot her. Thought my luck had changed when I found it had ended up here. So, I'm thinking 50/50 ? Even split, good deal. Or if anyone fancies an orgy ? INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - DAY The pyramid is on Jack's desk. Jack sits and rubs his chin, thinking about it. JACK : Open it. JOHN : What, not even a please ? Don't your manners get brought back to life too ? JACK : Now ! JOHN : This should give us the location of the diamond. John puts the triangle pieces, now snapped together in one piece, over the pyramid. It fits perfectly. The pyramid projects a holographic image up on the desk. She's a beautiful woman. JOHN : There she is. GWEN : The woman you murdered. HOLOGRAM WOMAN : You've traveled several galaxies for this. Well done. JOHN : Thank you, gorgeous. HOLOGRAM WOMAN : Except... there's no diamond. JOHN : What ? HOLOGRAM WOMAN : Only this. The metal pyramid opens to reveal a bright metal piece inside. The three-piece base spreads, separates and twists. JOHN : No, no, no. The bright metal piece inside floats out and changes into a circular disc with clamps. JOHN : No, no, no, no, no. There's got to be a diamond. It's all about the diamond ! What the hell is tha... The disc ZOOMS and attaches itself to John's chest, the metal clamps embedding a firm hold on him. A red light appears and it ticks. John staggers backward. The Holographic Woman turns and smiles in his direction. John can't remove it. It is clamped securely to his chest. HOLOGRAM WOMAN : It's an explosive device, which will latch on to the DNA of whoever killed me. It'll detonate in ten minutes. Always at the ready, Ianto takes out his stopwatch and starts the timer. HOLOGRAM WOMAN : It can't be removed without exploding, so don't bother trying. Goodbye, lover. JOHN : No, wait ! HOLOGRAM WOMAN : See you in hell. The hologram ends. GWEN : She can't be serious. Ten minutes. JOHN : (shouts) Get out off me ! IANTO : Actually, nine minutes... 50, 49, 48... always at the ready. He holds up the stopwatch. GWEN : Okay. How big is this explosion likely to be, Jack ? JACK : That technology, that size,big. OWEN : So, we should really get him out of the city. IANTO : Nine minutes 37. JOHN : (turns to Jack) You've got to help me ! Please. Jack stands up and faces him. JACK : Why ? John punches Jack in the face, then grabs Gwen, twists her arms behind her back and pulls her backward out the office door. Owen pulls his gun out. OWEN : Let her go ! JOHN : Get back ! Back, back off ! Get back ! INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - CONTINUOUS Everyone has their guns out and follows John out of the office. GWEN : Jack, help me ! JOHN : Get back ! He lets her go as the handcuffs snap shut around her wrist. She looks at her left wrist handcuffed to his right wrist. GWEN : What've you done ?! JOHN HART : It's... uh... hypersteel, impermeable, deadlock sealed. No way to undo them. Unless you have this key. He shows them a key, then puts it in his mouth and swallows it. She grabs him by his throat. GWEN : You are unbelievable ! JOHN : And yet, you still find me strangely attractive. Now you had better find a solution pronto or she'll be blown up with me ! OWEN : Would shooting him stop the DNA trigger ? JACK : (puts a hand on Owen's shoulder to stay him) No. JOHN HART : So ! What are we gonna do now, team ? The orgy's still on offer, by the way. Especially now the cuffs are out. IANTO : Nine minutes, four seconds. GWEN : Tosh ? The rift predictor program, have you perfected yet ? TOSHIKO : Pretty much. JOHN : What ? GWEN : Anything in the next few minutes ? Toshiko heads for her computer to check. JACK : Gwen, no way. Jack looks at Gwen. JOHN : What's she talking about ? Jack shakes his head. GWEN : If we're in the rift when that disc explodes, the city will be safe. JOHN : How does that save us ? GWEN : It doesn't. IANTO : Eight thirty-two... thirty-one... JOHN : You're bluffing. GWEN : (dead serious) Try me. TOSHIKO : The car park where he arrived. The crack in the rift is still active up there. GWEN : That's where we're going. Gwen grabs John and pulls him after her as she leaves the workstation areas. JOHN : (shouts) Somebody better start doing something ! Ianto and Toshiko follow. Jack starts to follow, but Owen stops him. IANTO : (o.s.) Cut his hand off ! TOSHIKO : (o.s.) That would activate the bomb. Owen grabs Jack's arm and motions him toward the autopsy area. OWEN : Come on, come on. GWEN : (o.s.) Don't make me pull you ! Get up the stairs! Now ! Gwen pulls John after her. Ianto and Toshiko follow them out. INT. HUB - AUTOPSY BAY - CONTINUOUS REVERSE VIEW INSIDE THE REFRIGERATOR Owen takes out a tray of vials filled with blood samples. SERIES OF CUTS : He puts the tray on the counter and starts pulling out vials of blood. He hands one to Jack, who adds it to a vial he's holding. Owen pulls out another vial, uncaps it and hands it to Jack to add it to the mixture. Owen pulls another vial out labeled "Ianto, Jones." Jack uncaps it and adds it to the mixture. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen starts the machine to mix the blood. EXT. VARIOUS CARDIFF (STOCK) - DAY ZOOM out and up from the city. INT. TORCHWOOD SUV (TRAVELING) - DAY Ianto monitors the time. IANTO : Five minutes, twenty-two seconds. Gwen is driving. Toshiko is working on the computer in the back seat. TOSHIKO : I can't find the frequency the device works on. There's no chance of jamming it ! GWEN : What happened to Jack ? He should be here. JOHN : What I've been saying all along, unreliable. GWEN : Shut up ! As they drive, John sees a couple of young women walking along the sidewalk. JOHN : Think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place. (He sees a woman and a man walking.) She's beautiful, he's stunning. GWEN : Don't you ever stop ? JOHN : What five minutes to live, you want me to behave ? (He sees something off screen.) Oh, that's gorgeous. GWEN : That's a poodle. JOHN : That's nice. INT. HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - DAY Owen stops the machine and grabs the mixed canister. Jack picks up a syringe. JACK : (holds it up) This better work. OWEN : (holds it up) Trust me, I'm an improviser. They head out. EXT. GARAGE - ROOFTOP - DAY The Torchwood SUV arrives at the top of the garage rooftop where John Hart first appeared. It comes to a screeching halt. Gwen gets out of the car. She pulls John out behind her. Ianto and Toshiko get out of the SUV. GWEN : Out ! GET OUT ! JOHN : Ow, ow ! I do love a woman who's rough. IANTO : Fifty-one seconds. Gwen looks out and waits for the rift. A golden gaseous light appears - faint at first, then larger and larger. JOHN : You're not really gonna sacrifice yourself, are you ? IANTO : Forty-five seconds. GWEN : We have to go. Gwen starts toward the rift and pulls John along with her. JOHN HART : (protesting) No ! What about a last-minute rescue ? What's the point of being on a team if you don't get a last-minute rescue ! IANTO : Forty seconds ! GWEN : Tell... She turns to look at Ianto and Toshiko. GWEN : ...Tell Jack... Tell Jack, I... The screeching tires of a car approaching sounds. They turn and see the red convertible speed out of the entrance. Jack is driving. The car stops. Owen gets out of the car, holding his injured side and running toward them. Jack jumps out of the car, the syringe between his teeth. IANTO : Thirty seconds. He grabs the syringe and runs toward them. JOHN : Er, what's he doing ? Jack tackles them both and they slam backward to the concrete. Jack stabs the syringe needle directly into his chest, injecting him with the blood mixture. JOHN : Agh ! Get off me ! John grabs his wrist and pulls him off. After the syringe is emptied into him, Jack lets go and backs away. He waits for a reaction. JACK : Owen, it's not working. IANTO : Fifteen seconds ! Gwen kneels next to John. GWEN : What are you doing ?! OWEN : Trying to confuse the disc ! JACK : Why hasn't it worked ? OWEN : I don't know ! IANTO : Twelve seconds ! TOSHIKO : Jack, do something ! Gwen grabs John by his shirt and yanks him up. She looks back at Jack. GWEN : I've gotta go, Jack. Jack reaches down and grabs John to help her when they pull John to his feet and the disc falls off. IANTO : Five... Four... Jack picks up the disc. IANTO : Three... Owen turns and grabs Toshiko, pushing her back toward the cars. IANTO : Two... Jack hurls the disc into the rift ! IANTO : One ! The disc enters the rift. IANTO : Go ! It explodes. Owen, Toshiko and Ianto take cover behind the cars. Jack turns and starts running with Gwen and John. JACK : Run ! The explosion rips out of the rift - light, sound, and time and day is now night. The force of the explosion lifts Jack, Gwen and John clear off the pavement. They hit the ground. They turn around and look back at where the rift was. Jack looks at his watch. Everything is quiet. JACK : What the hell ? GWEN : Jack, what's going on ? Why's it gone dark ? JACK : The rift's reverted to the moment he came through. Everything's jumped back to the beginning of the night. GWEN : Like you were never here. Owen, Toshiko and Ianto return and join them. JACK : Now we've got to avoid ourselves, great ! JOHN : It's a temporal displacement ! Makes your tongue tingle, doesn't it ? Lovely ! GWEN : (to Owen) What was in the syringe ? OWEN : Torchwood DNA. GWEN : What ? OWEN : DNA samples from the five of us, fused and injected into his heart. Temporarily corrupted his DNA coding, confused the disc. JOHN : You mean, there's a bit of all of you inside of me ? Sweet goddesses, that's all I need. GWEN : Thank you, Owen. OWEN : You're welcome. JACK : (to John) I want you gone. GWEN : Well, we've got to work out a way to get these off first. She holds up her handcuffed wrist. JOHN : Actually... He motions her closer. With a sly look at Jack, he tilts his head back, reaches down into the back of his mouth, gags a little, and pulls out a key. JOHN : Old Artesian trick. (to Gwen) Keep it in the lining of the throat. Has a lot of uses. GWEN : You had that all along ? JOHN : You were my passport to survival. (He unlocks the handcuffs.) No hard feelings. Well, not in that sense. Gwen takes a step back and slugs him once in the face, hard. And all the guys feel it with him. OWEN : Oh ! Gwen backs away from John, who is holding the side of his mouth. Ianto looks absolutely stunned. Jack chuckles with amusement. Owen puts a hand on Gwen's shoulder. IANTO : Remind me never to get on your bad side. Jack holds out his hand to John. JACK : (clears throat) Ahem ! They look at each other. John reaches into his jacket pocket and gives Jack his wristband back. Owen has his arm around Gwen's shoulders. Jack looks at his wristband. JACK : Definitely bigger. He secures it back on his wrist. JOHN : If you need a new team member... JACK : No. JOHN : Really ? I could... JACK : No. JOHN : But... JACK : No. Go now, and you can harness the residual rift energy. JOHN : Listen... JACK : Goodbye. JOHN : Okay. John grabs Jack and kisses him. He takes a step back and pats him on his chest. He heads for the rift. He presses a button on his wrist band and the golden gaseous light appears. As the gaseous light engulfs him... JOHN : Oh ! By the way... I meant to tell you. (serious) I found Gray. ZOOM IN on Jack's stunned face. QUICK CUTS OF : A white light and a child's hand slipping out of the adult's hand. A man yelling and a child screaming in the background. ON JACK, absolutely devastated. Toshiko, Gwen, Owen and Ianto step up behind him. John watches his reaction, turns and disappears into the gold light. The rift vanishes. GWEN : Who's Gray ? Jack's back is to them. He takes a moment to answer, still processing that bit of information. He takes several breaths and shakes his head a little. JACK : It's nothing. Let's get back to work. With the team following behind him, Jack turns and heads out straight toward the camera.	Plan: A: The team; Q: Who is conflicted when Jack Harkness returns? A: Jack Harkness; Q: Who returns to the team after his unexpected departure? A: havoc; Q: What does the old acquaintance of Jack Harkness cause in the city? A: Earth; Q: Where is the old acquaintance of Jack Harkness trying to find something hidden? Summary: The team are conflicted when Jack Harkness returns after his unexpected departure, but won't reveal where he's been. So, when an old acquaintance of Jack's arrives in the city and starts wreaking havoc in his quest to find something hidden on Earth, the team struggle to work out whose side Jack is really on.
WHITE FLASH OPEN: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - AFTERNOON] [EXT VEGAS SUBURB (STOCK) - AFTERNOON] [EXT. RESIDENCE -- AFTERNOON] [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside the home, PETE'S Pluming and Piping van is parked in the driveway. Camera moves downward below the ground level and under the house.) [INT. CRAWLSPACE UNDER THE HOUSE] (Under the crawlspace of the house, the plumber carries his flashlight and crawls, examining the pipes for the leak.) Woman's Voice: (o.s.) What's taking so long? I just wanted you to fix the leak! Plumber: (looks up) Look, lady, to fix the leak I need to find the leak. (distracted) (He continues to examine the pipes and crawls deeper under the house.) (He crawls against the wall where his shirt catches on something, ripping the material. He stops.) Plumber: Hold on. (He grunts as he shifts around to look at the wall. He turns up his flashlight) Woman's Voice: (o.s.) Did you find the leak? (He brings his flashlight down and finds the bony tips of a skeleton embedded inside the foundation wall sticking out. He looks at it closely.) Plumber: I found something. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RALSTON HOUSE -- NIGHT] (NICK closes the car back door and carrying his kit, he heads for the house. He ducks under the crime scene tape toward the side of the house.) [EXT. RALSTON HOUSE - SIDE YARD - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (NICK puts his kit down.) Nick: Okay, I'm ready up here. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLSPACE UNDER RALSTON HOUSE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS (Under the house, GRISSOM makes his way to the site.) Grissom: Hang on a minute. (GRISSOM crawls up to the fingertips sticking out of the concrete.) Grissom: Okay, I'm there. Nick (over radio): Can you confirm it's human? Grissom: Metacarpal, phalanges ... no question about it. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RALSTON HOUSE - SIDE YARD - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM walks over to and around NICK.) Grissom: Hold on, Nick. Nick: (sighs) There's got to be an easier way. Grissom: When a body decomposes in concrete it leaves an air pocket, vacuum-sealed. We do this right, it'll open like a jar of pickles. (GRISSOM starts to work on the bricks. When he breaks through into the air pocket, we hear the seal being broken.) (They continue to break through the cement and finally get the hole wide enough to see the skeleton inside.) Nick: Ten bucks says the owner sells the house. Grissom: By law, you got to disclose everything -- three bedrooms, two baths, and a skeleton. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (GRISSOM walks into the room carrying the assignment sheets.) Grissom: Okay, I'm late again. Nick's going to work with me on that unidentified body at Summercliff. Sara: I hear it's just bones? What a rush. Grissom: O.I.S. at the jockey club. (GRISSOM holds out the assignment sheet. SARA stands up to get it from him.) Sara: Officer-involved shooting. Warrick: I'll take a piece of that. Grissom: Good, I want you to double up. Listen, these deals are never easy so keep me informed, please. Warrick: Will do. Sara: I drive. Warrick: Picture that. (SARA and WARRICK leave the room. GRISSOM looks back down at the other assignment sheet in his hand.) Catherine: So, what do you have for me? I could use a rush. (GRISSOM sits at the edge of the table.) Grissom: Well, this qualifies: 4-26. But I can't give you the case. Catherine: Because? Grissom: Conflict of interest. The alleged rape victim is an exotic dancer. Catherine: (offended) Because I used to be one, I'll be biased? Grissom: No. Suspect's your ex-husband. (beat) He's asking for you, but you can't take it. (CATHERINE stands up and looks at GRISSOM.) Catherine: Just let me do the prelim. Grissom: All right. (He gives her the assignment sheet.) Do what you can. But after the preliminary, you pass it off, okay? (CATHERINE doesn't say anything. She turns and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT] (CATHERINE looks through the window at EDDIE WILLOWS, her ex-husband. He's sitting in front of the table, a tape recorder and microphone set up in front of him. She watches him for a long moment, then leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The door opens. CATHERINE walks inside.) Eddie Willows: (relieved) Thank god you're here. (EDDIE gets to his feet. CATHERINE closes the door behind her.) Catherine: Eddie. Eddie Willows: I didn't rape that girl. (CATHERINE puts the open file folder on the table. She sits down.) Catherine: According to the police report she's telling a different story. I wonder what the rape kit's going to say. Eddie Willows: We had sx, okay? But she was there with me one hundred percent. (CATHERINE looks down at the file.) Catherine: In the parking lot behind the club. (She looks back at EDDIE.) Eddie Willows: Well, some women like the outdoors. Catherine: Melanie know about this? Eddie Willows: Mel and I split up a while ago. Catherine: You might want to call her anyway. She can loan you the money for an attorney. (CATHERINE picks up her bag, turns and heads for the door.) Eddie Willows: You're not going to help me? (yells) Cath, I am in a jam here! Catherine: A detective from sx crimes has been assigned. I'm going to place another CSI. Eddie Willows: What about Lindsey? (CATHERINE stops.) Catherine: (puzzled) What about her? Eddie Willows: You want her spending sunday afternoons with me at Nevada State Prison ... or the mall? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (NICK and GRISSOM stand over the skeletal remains on the table between them.) Grissom: Based on the auricular surface I'd say she died when she was about twenty. Nick: She? Grissom: It's in the hips. Pelvic bone is definitely female. You know, for a ladies' man you don't know much about bone structure. Nick: I know all I need to know. I figure she was killed before her cement bath. Grissom: Yeah, how? Nick: She was stabbed at least a dozen times -- a screwdriver, maybe ... like... a spike. Grissom: No. The gouges on her ribs are unusual. The instrument had to be ... slightly curved with some kind of serrated edge. Like crocodile teeth. Whatever killed this girl was not a traditional weapon. Nick: Well, stabbings are personal. She knew her attacker. Grissom: That's the rule. (GRISSOM leans in close to the head of the bones. He places a gentle hand on her skull.) Grissom: Who are you? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING LOT - STRIP CASINO HOTEL - NIGHT] (WARRICK and SARA meet up with BRASS and the OFFICER, JOE TYNER.) Brass: Sara Sidle, Warrick Brown? Officer Joe Tyner. Sara: Hi. (They shake hands.) Officer Joe Tyner: Hi. Warrick: Officer Tyner. Officer Joe Tyner: How you doing? Warrick: Want to tell us what happened here tonight? (BRASS answers the question.) Brass: He responded to shots fired. The suspect fled the scene. (WARRICK looks at OFFICER JOE TYNER.) Warrick: Why don't you tell us what happened here. (OFFICER JOE TYNER sighs.) (Quick flashback to: A speeding jeep, Nevada License #QLF 084, turns onto the main strip, tires screeching. The officer car right behind him.) Officer Joe Tyner: (to dispatch) Unit five. In pursuit of the fleeing 413 heading southbound on the strip. (White flash to: The jeep turns off of the road and into a parking lot. The officer car follows. The jeep stops. The officer car stops. OFFICER JOE TYNER gets out of his car and draws his weapon. Officer Joe Tyner: Get back in the car! (The SUSPECT gets back into his jeep and closes the door. OFFICER JOE TYNER takes a step toward the jeep.) Officer Joe Tyner: Drop your keys to the ground! (The SUSPECT drops the keys outside the jeep.) Officer Joe Tyner: Put your hands on the wheel! (The SUSPECT puts both of his hands on the steering wheel.) Suspect: I didn't do it ... whatever you think I did! I'm looking at three strikes. I'm not going back. I'll show you my registration. (The SUSPECT reaches for the glove compartment and opens it.) Officer Joe Tyner: No, put your hands on the wheel! (The SUSPECT grabs a gun in the glove compartment, points it at his own head and fires.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Officer Joe Tyner: Then he turned the weapon on himself -- one shot -- right through the forehead. Sara: Where's his gun? Officer Joe Tyner: I left it in the jeep. Sara: I'm going to go bag it. (SARA heads for the jeep.) Warrick: Officer, we're going to need your weapon, as well. Officer Joe Tyner: I never fired. Brass: Drawn but not fired. Warrick: (shakes his head) It's just standard procedure. (OFFICER JOE TYNER sighs.) Brass: It's okay. It's okay. (OFFICER JOE TYNER takes out his weapon and hands it to WARRICK handle first.) (SARA approaches the jeep and looks inside.) Warrick: (o.s.) Were there any witnesses? (She looks down at the body inside the front seat of the jeep. She takes the gun out of the SUSPECT'S hand.) Warrick: (o.s.) We're going to need to seal off this lot. (BRASS looks at WARRICK.) Brass: Tyner told you what happened here. Whose side are you on? Warrick: The officer told me a fleeing suspect committed suicide. I'm just verifying his account. You know how this works, Brass. Can we clear the jeep so I can do my job? Brass: Well, at least test the dead guy's hands for gun residue. (SARA steps up and joins them.) Sara: At that proximity G.S.R.'S invalid. They'd both be covered, no matter who fired. Warrick: Can we get back to work? Brass: Yeah. (WARRICK turns and leaves. SARA stares at BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - NIGHT] (The lights flicker on. GRISSOM stands in the middle of the garage over the large slab of rock that the skeletal remains were entombed in.) (NICK walks in.) Nick: You brought the foundation of the house to our lab. Grissom: It's a six-by-three-foot section. When the concrete dried it preserved a partial impression of our Jane Doe. Did you find out anything about the house? Nick: I pulled the permits. Summercliff was built five years ago on nothing but desert. Grissom: That would explain why the body was so desiccated. Nick: House was sold subsequent to completion, so the homeowner isn't a suspect. Homicide is running a missing persons check. (NICK reaches out to touch something. GRISSOM clears his throat to stop him. NICK stops mid-reach and looks at GRISSOM. NICK smiles and withdraws.) Grissom: Well, if it wasn't for a leaky pipe she might have been down there forever. Nick: I think our killer was counting on that. (GRISSOM glances up at NICK, then turns back his attention to the slab in front of him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (WARRICK is sitting at the lab table. SARA walks into the room behind him.) Sara: Hey. Warrick: Why would a guy speed it all the way down the strip just to pull over and cap himself? Sara: What are you getting at, Warrick? (WARRICK puts the pen down and picks up the weapon in front of him. The one he was studying.) Warrick: Officer's weapon: Smith and Wesson 5906. Sara: Standard issue. (WARRICK puts the gun down and lifts up the cartridge in his other hand.) Warrick: One bullet missing. Nothing standard about that. (SARA takes it from WARRICK and looks at it. Camera close up of the bullets inside the cartridge.) Sara: Both gun's are nine millimeter automatics. Brass isn't going to like this. Warrick: I don't give a damn what Brass likes. Sara: Like I do? If Tyner's dirty, he goes down. I just know what happens when you piss off the P.D. Warrick: Yeah, it's war. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Camera close up of GRISSOM holding a tarantula in the palm of his hand. A woman walks up to the door and knocks on the frame lightly.) Teri Miller: Gil Grissom? (GRISSOM looks up.) Teri Miller: Or should I call you spider-man? Grissom: It's harmless. Teri Miller: Of course it is. (TERI walks into the office, her eyes on the spider in GRISSOM'S hand.) Teri Miller: Orange-kneed tarantula. Nice specimen. Grissom: The tarantula's touch is very gentle. Teri Miller: It leaves no prints. They move without a trace. May I? (TER holds out her hand and to GRISSOM'S astonishment, takes the tarantula in the palm of her hand.) Teri Miller: Ah ... (TERI looks at the spider. GRISSOM stands up.) Teri Miller: Maybe I should introduce myself. (She holds out her free hand to him. They shake hands.) Grissom: Teri Miller does not need an introduction. (beat) I need you to make me a face. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (SARA and WARRICK interview OFFICER JOE TYNER.) Officer Joe Tyner: (annoyed) I didn't kill him. That's what I told I.A. It's what I told my superior. It's what I'm telling you. Sara: Officer Tyner, your gun -- there's a bullet missing from the magazine. Officer Joe Tyner: I don't top off. I know it's against regulation, but the 14th bullet puts pressure on the spring, and the gun can jam. Warrick: Can anyone confirm your story? Officer Joe Tyner: (surges to his feet) It's not a story! Sara: Whoa. Officer Joe Tyner: And no ... I don't tell people how I carry. Warrick: Do you? Officer Joe Tyner: Check the other magazines. (BRASS walks into the room.) Brass: What the hell's going on here? Warrick: We're just having a talk with Officer Tyner here. Brass: Next time, don't start without me. I'm the union rep on this one. Sara: Then you should know. Tyner's magazine -- one bullet shy. Brass: Is the expended round still missing? Sara: Yeah. It's not in the body, bullet's a round point wound was a through-and-through. Officer Joe Tyner: I did not fire a single round. Sara: And, with a record like yours we're supposed to just take you at your word? Warrick: Five civilian complaints -- three for excessive force. Two I.A. investigations. Officer Joe Tyner: I was cleared. Warrick: I'm sure you were. Officer Joe Tyner: What is that supposed to mean? I don't have to take this crap! Brass: Tyner ... sit down, sit down. What you do need is for these guys to go out and find the missing bullet. (BRASS turns and looks at WARRICK and SARA.) Brass: So what are you waiting for? Warrick: I guess it's a good thing I sealed off that crime scene. (WARRICK turns to leave the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CSI - GARAGE - NIGHT] (TERI works on the mold on the slab of foundation in the middle of the garage. GRISSOM watches her work.) Teri Miller: It's like a human jell-o mold. The impression's only a partial. It's not going to be easy. Grissom: They told me you were the top forensic artist in the country. Teri Miller: And Canada. I didn't say I couldn't do it. (TERI turns and brings out a pail.) Teri Miller: Give me your hand. You'll enjoy this. It's as much science as art. (Using GRISSOM'S hand, she guides him as he takes a scoop of the molding substance and puts it in the indentation in the foundation slab.) (He continues to work. TERI takes the pail and lifts it to pour the rest of molding substance into the foundation.) (Dissolve to: The molding substance solidifies and TERI removes it. She takes it over to the lamp and works on it. GRISSOM looks over her shoulder.) Grissom: It doesn't really look like anything. Teri Miller: No light, no shadows -- no shadows, no perspective. (She tilts the small sample and the impressions of a face can be seen.) Teri Miller: Now look. (Dissolve to: TERI is sitting at the table with the head and half mold in front of her. GRISSOM takes the seat next to her.) Grissom: So teach me. Teri Miller: Okay. First, I'm finishing off the plaster mold. We can't give her life with only half a face. Although most faces appear that way and the thin layer of slip makes the plaster and clay appear seamless. (TERI takes GRISSOM'S hands and guides him as he helps apply the plaster mold.) (Dissolve to: TERI finishes "painting" the face of the head in front of them.) Teri Miller: Her cheekbones and nasal spine indicate nordic descent. I've seen a few Norwegian brunettes but your girl's probably a blonde. (TERI takes a blonde-colored wig and puts it on the head in front of them.) (Dissolve to: TERI looks at a couple of brown eyes.) Grissom: Brown eyes? I thought you decided she was nordic. (TERI puts the eyes in the "head".) Teri Miller: But, in this country, brown is a dominant eye color. And, more importantly, brown photographs better. You want to get her face out there, don't you? Grissom: Yeah. I'm sure someone needs closure and somebody else needs to go to jail. (TERI finishes.) Teri Miller: There she is. (GRISSOM takes the camera and takes a picture of the head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] [TELEVISION MONITOR] Paula Francis: (from tv) As we first reported yesterday, the remains of an unidentified caucasian female were unearthed in Summercliff. The five foot four inch woman was approximately 20 years old. (In the break room, GRISSOM watches the news report. NICK gets his cup and joins GRISSOM. He hands GRISSOM his cup.) Nick: Here you go. Paula Francis: (from tv) Authorities are asking for the public's help in identifying the victim. (On the monitor, they show a close up of the completed head. A phone number appears on screen under it: (702) 555-0199.) Paula Francis: (from tv) If you have any information please call the Las Vegas P.D. Hotline. (CATHERINE walks into the room.) Catherine: Hotlines ... hit or miss. Grissom: I don't know. In my experience people usually remember a beautiful woman. (CATHERINE moves to stand in front of him. She looks at him expectantly. GRISSOM glances at NICK.) Grissom: Uh, Nick, weren't you going to go and do the, uh... (NICK turns to look at CATHERINE.) Grissom: At the ... ? (NICK gets the hint.) Nick: Yeah. Yeah, okay, I'll do that. (NICK leaves the break room. GRISSOM turns to look at CATHERINE.) Catherine: So I saw Eddie. He actually... seemed scared. Grissom: Did that make you happy? Catherine: Um ... no. I'm not really sure what I ... feel. Grissom: You're not still in love with Eddie? (She sighs.) Catherine, you have to hand off the case. Warrick can just double up. (CATHERINE doesn't say anything.) (DAVID PHILLIPS walks into the room.) David Phillips: Uh ... Grissom, Dr. Robbins wants to see you. Something about your skeleton. (DAVID PHILLIPS leaves the room. GRISSOM turns to look back at CATHERINE. He stands up to head for the door, then turns around.) Grissom: Okay. You have to pass off the case. If you compromise the investigation there's no going back. You could hurt Eddie just as much as you could help him. (GRISSOM opens the door and leaves. CATHERINE leans back in her seat, staring at the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (GRISSOM walks into the room. DR. ROBBINS stands over the skeleton.) Grissom: Hey. I've already seen the marks on the ribs. Dr. Albert Robbins: Uh-huh, but did you see the hairline fracture on the posterior skull? Grissom: No. (GRISSOM puts on his glasses and leans in closer for a look.) (Camera moves into the skull to show the light from the fracture.) Dr. Albert Robbins: Easy to miss, but it screams blunt-force trauma. Also, the middle ear has three bones. They're dusted with sodium and lodged against the malleus. I found a tiny ball of earwax with grains of sand. Grissom: Salt and sand. Killed at the beach? Dr. Albert Robbins: Not ruling it out. (NICK walks into the room.) Nick: Grissom. Hey, doc. Hotline's lit up. Five callers all I.D.'D the same woman -- Fay Green -- and her mother just confirmed. (Camera pushes into GRISSOM and holds. He sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS. GREEN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] Mrs. Green: (V.O.) I need to know what happened to my daughter. (GRISSOM and MRS. GREEN sit at the dining room table with open photo albums around them.) GRISSOM We're trying to figure that out for you. (GRISSOM looks down at the open album in front of him.) Grissom: She was quite an athlete, huh? Mrs. Green: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Grissom: Did she scuba dive? Mrs. Green: She had just been certified. Grissom: Did, uh, Fay ... before she disappeared, go on any vacation? Go diving or spend time at the beach? Mrs. Green: No, not that I recall. No. Grissom: And she, uh ... lived here with you until she disappeared? Mrs. Green: No, she had just moved in with her boyfriend, Jason Hendler. He still lives on Medley Place. Grissom: And the, uh ... police interviewed him after she disappeared? Mrs. Green: A couple of times. He had nothing to do with this. Grissom: Well, how do you know that? Mrs. Green: He loved my daughter. He was good to her. Grissom: Did they... ever fight? Mrs. Green: The first few months of a relationship nobody fights. (She starts to cry, then stops.) Mrs. Green: (whispers) She was crazy about him. (She starts to cry.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY] (DET. EVANS interviews APRIL, the woman charging EDDIE WILLOWS with rape.) April Lewis: (o.s.) I've given Eddie Willows twenty lap dances. He never got rough till last night. Det. B. Evans: In the parking lot. April Lewis: Yeah, he asked me to go for drinks you know, but out in the parking lot he starts kissing on me and I kind of laughed it off, but ... then he grabbed me and he slams me against the wall and... that pig. (CATHERINE appears in the doorway. She looks into the room and sees APRIL talking. She steps forward and looks into the exam room.) Catherine: Hi. (DET. EVANS stands up.) Catherine: Evans, I'm sorry I'm late. I'm Catherine ... (hesitates) ... just Catherine. I'm a forensic scientist. April Lewis: Scientist ... wow. You look so normal. Catherine: Thanks. Det. B. Evans: (quietly) Catherine, you sure want ... ? Catherine: Yeah. (CATHERINE takes the seat in front of APRIL.) Catherine: Those bruises from last night? April Lewis: Yeah. A guy pinned me against a wall. Catherine: Sexual assault nurse collect a kit yet? Det. B. Evans: She just finished. Catherine: Why don't you see if you can catch her. I'd like her to get a sample from under her fingernails. (DET. EVANS leaves the room.) April Lewis: (nervously) Uh ... what kind of sample? Catherine: Anything that might, show up from a ... a struggle. April Lewis: You'd think what that nurse took down below would be enough. The weird thing is ... I liked the guy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY] (SARA and WARRICK work on looking for the bullet in the parking lot. SARA uses the metal detector and WARRICK searches the edges near the fence.) Sara: It's not here. Warrick: Bullets just don't disappear. (A young man wearing a red vest approaches them at the edge of the parking lot. SARA turns around and spots him.) Sara: Excuse me. No one's allowed inside the tape. Valet: I saw what happened. (WARRICK and SARA head for the young man.) Warrick: Have you talked to the police? Valet: (shakes his head) Police make me nervous. You guys aren't cops, are you? Warrick: We're Crime Scene Investigators. We need to know what you saw. Valet: I was kind of taking a break, hanging out at the P.T. Cruiser. I was laid back in the heated driver's seat when I heard the siren. (Quick flashback to: The VALET is sitting in the car. He turns his head to look when he hears the police siren.) Officer Joe Tyner: (o.s.) Put your hands on the wheel! Suspect: (o.s.) I didn't do it ... (JERROD leans forward to get a better look.) Suspect: ... whatever you think I did! Man, I'm looking at three strikes. (JERROD opens his car door and gets out of the car. Suspect: ... I'm not going back. Just let me show you my registration. Officer Joe Tyner: No! Hands on the wheel! (Watching them, The VALET hears the gunshot and sees the smoke.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: And, just like that, the officer fired? Valet: Just like that. Sara: Missing bullet, eyewitness ... we better tell Grissom we got a war. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM - DAY] (WARRICK changes his shirt when GRISSOM walks into the locker room. He looks at WARRICK, then heads for his locker where he opens it and takes a seat on the bench.) Grissom: I heard about your eyewitness. A valet who joyrides. He sounds reliable. (beat) So, uh, how's the thing going on Eddie Willows? Warrick: What thing? Grissom: The thing that I told Catherine to pass off to you. Warrick: (realizing and trying to cover) Oh, good. Um ... we just put some stuff through the lab. Grissom: Get ahold of the DMV? Warrick: I was just about to. (GRISSOM slams his locker door shut and stands up. CATHERINE walks into the locker room.) Grissom: Warrick? Why would you call the DMV on a rape charge? (WARRICK sighs at being busted.) Catherine: Okay. I didn't hand it off. Grissom: Really? Catherine: I'm sorry, Warrick. Warrick: If you want me to suave anyone, I got to know the shot. Catherine: I know. (WARRICK leaves the locker room.) Catherine: (to WARRICK) I'm sorry. (CATHERINE walks up to GRISSOM, trying to explain it to him.) Catherine: I'm doing this for Lindsey. Grissom: You so much as breathe on the evidence, it's contaminated and I end up the bad guy. Catherine: Eyes, no hands. Grissom: What's the status? Catherine: Skin samples from under the woman's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises but Eddie's style has always been very ... involved ... vigorous. Grissom: (puzzled) Vigorous? (From the other side of the shelf, apparently WARRICK didn't leave the locker room. He explains.) Warrick: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough. Catherine: Thank you, Warrick. Eddie said that she was into it. Grissom: "He said. She said?" It's about the evidence, Catherine. (GRISSOM steps back and heads toward the door. He turns to look at CATHERINE.) Grissom: And you may not like where it takes you. (GRISSOM walks out of the locker room. CATHERINE stands there for a moment.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA/TRACE LAB - DAY] [SCOPE VIEW: GRAINS OF SAND] (GREG is looking through the scope at the sands found in the skeleton's ear.) Greg Sanders: So how many grains of sand in the ocean, huh? Nick: I don't care about the ocean, just the sand in my skeleton. Can you pinpoint a beach? GREG SANDERS; I don't know. I might have to do some field research. (Looks at NICK.) Hey, you think Grissom would send me to Hawaii? (NICK looks up and sees GRISSOM in the doorway, GREG'S back is to the door so he doesn't see GRISSOM enter the lab.) Nick: Why don't you ask him yourself? Grissom: Ask me what? (GREG turns around and stands up.) Greg Sanders: Oh, nothing. I, uh ... I was just telling Nick about your sand. Well, it's not sand. It's not natural anyway. Here, check this out. (GRISSOM looks through the scope.) Greg Sanders: Now, if this were natural sand, the surface would be smooth. [SCOPE VIEW: GRAINS OF SAND] Greg Sanders: (o.s.) This looks more like Fremont Street on a Saturday night ... rough. Nick: Could the particles be sediment from the concrete where we found her? Greg Sanders: No. No way. I analyzed the mineral content. It's feldspar and quartz. That's crushed gray sandstone. It's man-made, in a rock crusher. Nick: What does that mean? Grissom: It means she wasn't killed in Hawaii. (GREG freezes at being busted and slowly turns to look at GRISSOM. Grissom: Other than that ... he has no idea. (NICK laughs, puts a friendly arm around GREG'S shoulders and pats him lightly on the chest.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (BRASS walks through the hallway just in time to see WARRICK turn the corner and head his way.) Brass: Is this payback, Warrick? Is that what this is? I was tough on you, so Officer Tyner takes my heat? Warrick: That's how you think I work? (SARA joins them trying to diffuse the argument building.) Sara: Brass, this has nothing to do with anything. Brass: D.A. is filing charges. On the testimony of a bleary-eyed car jockey who was 40 feet from the jeep. (Behind them, OFFICER JOE TYNER appears in the hallway. He's dressed down and carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder. He turns and sees them arguing.) Sara: Eyewitness is a bonus: Your cop's magazine was one bullet shy. (He drops his bag and heads for the group, gearing up for a fight.) Officer Joe Tyner: That's you CSIs, always counting bullets. (WARRICK turns around.) Warrick: What's he doing here? (BRASS moves to get between the OFFICER and the CSIs.) Brass: Joe, you shouldn't be here. Officer Joe Tyner: You show up with your latex gloves and your little fancy metal boxes ... your little powders ... you have no idea what it's like to put your life on the line every day! (OFFICER JOE TYNER'S voice gets louder as he finally shouts loud enough that GRISSOM stands up from the scope in one of the labs to look at what the commotion in the hallway is about.) Warrick: Oh, you mean dealing with punk-ass cops who hide behind their union reps? (OFFICER TYNER lunges for WARRICK and pushes him in the chest. WARRICK takes a step backward.) Sara: Wow, wow guys. Get off him. BRASS: Hey! Hey! Joe! (GRISSOM heads out into the hallway. NICK follows.) (BRASS manages to get OFFICER TYNER away from WARRICK.) Warrick: (egging him on) You're just a psycho! You don't deserve a badge! (OFFICER TYNER breaks from BRASS and heads for WARRICK. He reaches WARRICK and finds GRISSOM in his face. Grissom: Cut it out! Not in my lab, pal. Officer Tyner: Scientists! I bet you've never even drawn your weapon. Grissom: Yeah. I hope I never have to. Nick, walk this guy out the door. Nick: Now, let's go. (NICK walks down the hallway making sure that OFFICER TYNER leaves the building.) Grissom: Sara. Sara: Yeah. Come on, Warrick. Come on. Let's go. (SARA leads WARRICK away from the hallway in the other direction. GRISSOM turns around and sees BRASS walking straight for him, angrier than ever.) Brass: (angry) This is your fault, Gil. Your nose is so far down a microscope you have no idea what your people are doing. Grissom: Yeah, I know one thing: My guys will not bend and they will not be intimidated. Brass: Hey, I sat in your chair. Your guys have one job: To find the evidence. So where the hell is the missing bullet? Huh? (And with that, BRASS turns and walks away.) (GRISSOM watches him leave and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO - RESTAURANT - DAY] (CATHERINE sits at the table with her drink. EDDIE shows up and takes the seat on the other side of the table. CATHERINE looks up in surprise.) Catherine: Eddie. Eddie Willows: Catherine. (to the waitress) I'll take a root beer. Waitress: Sure. Catherine: What are you doing here? Eddie Willows: I knew you'd be here. You got a routine: Turkey club, no bacon. Catherine: You could be a detective. Thank you. Waitress: You're welcome. Catherine: (sighs) Well, you obviously made bail. Did you get a lawyer? Eddie Willows: I got you and The Truth. Who needs a lawyer? (CATHERINE ignores him and picks up her Turkey club sandwich.) Eddie Willows: (looks away and sighs) I came to tell you how great you are. It always comes out wrong. When I married you, I married up. I know that. Catherine: (smiles) It wasn't all bad. (He leans back in triumph at getting her to admit that much at least. CATHERINE smiles back at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (SARA and WARRICK stare at the SUSPECT'S jeep, Nevada license #QLF-084.) Sara: You think the bullet's somewhere in the jeep. Warrick: It's not in the body. It's not at the crime scene. I like our odds. Sara: Let's do it. (SARA takes off her jacket. WARRICK starts unbuttoning his shirt. The two get ready to search the car for the missing bullet.) (Short time cut to: The jeep is being taken apart piece by piece, the seats are out on the garage floor.) (Short time cut to: WARRICK and SARA take off the jeep's hood.) (Short time cut to: SARA and WARRICK take apart the front bumper.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: (SARA and WARRICK stare at the body of the jeep with its parts removed.) Sara: We have searched every single piece of metal. I think hide-and-seek is over. (WARRICK sighs.) Warrick: Yeah. We've searched every piece of metal. (WARRICK turns and looks at the tire on the garage floor nearby.) Warrick: Spare tire. (He kneels down in front of it and checks the tire. They find the bullet.) Sara: You've got to be kidding me. Warrick: The tire sucked up the bullet and the treads covered its tracks. SARA; We match the bullet to the cop's gun, the case is airtight. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] [SCOPE VIEW: TWO BULLETS SIDE BY SIDE] Warrick: (o.s.) There's a match. (WARRICK steps away from the scope and let's SARA look. Standing off to the side is BOBBY DAWSON.) Warrick: We got Tyner. One bad cop going down. Bobby Dawson: Well, actually, Warrick, the evidence round wasn't from the cop's gun. It was from the suspect's. (SARA looks up.) Sara: No way. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STRIP BAR] (DET. EVANS and CATHERINE walk into the strip bar. They approach the bar owner sitting at the counter watching the girls dance.) Det. B. Evans: These guys never give up anything on their girls. Catherine: Well, let me give it a try. (They reach the owner, TED BENSON.) Catherine: Excuse me, sir. (He turns to look at her.) Catherine: Can we see your permits? Ted Beaton: Oh, hi, Gorgeous. How are you? (He grabs her hand and CATHERINE leans over so he can give her a kiss.) Catherine: Okay, Ted. Ted Beaton: How you doing? Catherine: I'm okay. (CATHERINE sits down in the empty seat next to TED.) Ted Beaton: Hi. You should have seen this lady dance. Oh, was she good! You still working with the cops? (DET. EVANS watches the two and smiles at being had by CATHERINE. He takes the empty seat next to her and sits down.) Catherine: Can't seem to get off the night shift. Det. B. Evans: You dressed like that? (CATHERINE turns around at his comment and laughs.) Catherine: If you want to call that dressed. Yeah, Evans. Hey, Ted, you heard about this thing with Eddie and April? Ted Beaton: Yeah, the night guy told me about it. Boy, Eddie never changes, huh? (As if transported to another place (another time, another life), CATHERINE stops and watches the girl up on the counter top dance around the pole. She watches the dance. DET. EVANS turns to watch CATHERINE. TED also turns to look at CATHERINE.) Ted Beaton: Bring back memories? (CATHERINE turns and looks at TED.) Catherine: You mind if I look around? Ted Beaton: Help yourself. Catherine: Thanks, Ted. (CATHERINE stands up and leaves to look around.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STRIP BAR - DRESSING ROOM] (The door opens and CATHERINE walks in. She closes the door behind her. She looks around at the lockers and at the dressing counters.) (She spots the locker marked, "APRIL". She opens it and looks around. Inside, she finds a box of VCF, Vaginal Contraceptive Film --"The Dissolving Contraceptive ... " She flips the box over and reads the back.) Cue Sound: (PRELAP) DOORBELL [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HENDER HOME - FRONT PORCH] (The front door opens.) AMY HENDLER Can I help you? Grissom: Ma'am, my name is Gil Grissom. This is Nick Stokes. Nick: Hi. Jason Hendler: (steps out from the back of the room) Honey, who's out there? Grissom: Mr. Hendler, we're criminalists from the Las Vegas police department. Amy Hendler: What's this about? Grissom: We're investigating the disappearance of Fay Green. May we come in? (AMY HENDLER turns around to look at her husband. He motions them inside.) Jason Hendler: Yes. Nick: Thank you. (AMY HENDLER steps aside. GRISSOM and NICK walk into the house. She closes the door behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HENDLER RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (JASON HENDLER leads them to the living room. He turns around and looks at GRISSOM. NICK looks around the place.) Jason Hendler: (quietly) Did you find her? Grissom: Yes, I'm afraid we did. She'd been dead for quite a while. Jason Hendler: Hmm. (barely under his breath) You always hope ... (AMY doesn't say anything.) GRISSOM; Mr. Hendler ... would it be possible for us to look around? Jason Hendler: Fay only lived here for about a month, five years ago. (GRISSOM looks at him waiting for an answer.) Jason Hendler: I've got nothing to hide. Grissom: Thank you. Nick: Thanks. (NICK walks around the group and into the living room. GRISSOM stands in the hallway, thoughtful. He walks down the hallway and into the room. That's where he finds the large fish tank. He leans in and looks at it.) (AMY and JASON HENDLER follow GRISSOM. NICK enters the room also.) Grissom: A trigger and a lionfish. Jason Hendler: Yeah, that's right. Grissom: Interesting choices. Violent, carnivorous predators. (As NICK walks around the room, looking about, the floor squeaks. GRISSOM immediately notices the sound and turns to look.) Jason Hendler: It's just a warped floorboard. Amy Hendler: It's been like that forever. Grissom: Mr. Hendler, at any time, was your fish tank over here? Jason Hendler: Maybe, a while ago. Why? Grissom: Did it ever overflow? (beat) Break? Jason Hendler: Not that I recall. Grissom: You said I could look anywhere, right? Jason Hendler: Yeah. Grissom: (to NICK) Got a pocket knife? (GRISSOM kneels down and starts to pry the floorboard up and off.) Jason Hendler: What are you doing? Grissom: (to JASON HENDLER) Pops out, pops in. (NICK and GRISSOM look under the floorboard. He finds sand.) Grissom: (to NICK) What do you find inside an hourglass? (GRISSOM stands up.) Grissom: Mr. Hendler, I think the tank was over here. I think it broke. I think you got water and artificial sand all over the place. Jason Hendler: I'd like you fellows to leave now, please. Grissom: Fine, we'll go. We'll be back ... with a warrant. (GRISSOM turns and heads out the room. NICK looks over at the HENDLER, nods and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (CATHERINE walks into the lab.) Catherine: So, Greg, what did the rape kit say? Greg Sanders: Nonoxynol-9, polyvinyl alcohol, and... Catherine: Glycerin? (GREG looks up from the results, surprised that CATHERINE got it.) Greg Sanders: Yeah. (She holds up the box.) Catherine: It's a contraceptive film. (She points to the mug in his hand.) What are you drinking? Greg Sanders: Chamomile. Catherine: May I? Greg Sanders: Sure. Catherine: Thank you. (CATHERINE takes the mug from GREG and removes the tea bag inside. She pours the liquid into a glass container.) Greg Sanders: So you used to work at the French Palace? Catherine: That's right. Greg Sanders: You know, my friends and I used to go there. Catherine: Really? Greg Sanders: Payday fridays. Catherine: Uh-huh. Greg Sanders: Maybe I saw you perform? Catherine: (sighs) Oh, I doubt it. Greg Sanders: Why? (CATHERINE looks at GREG.) Catherine: You would have remembered. (GREG looks absolutely stunned. CATHERINE turns her attention back to the experiment. She removes one of the contraceptive films and dips it into the heated liquid.) Catherine: So, this film-- it's kind of hard to detect because it dissolves with body heat. And, as you know, Greg, sx can make a body pretty hot. (They wait for the film to dissolve.) Greg Sanders: This stuff has to be inserted fifteen minutes to three hours before sx. Catherine: Which means that April inserted the film while she was still at work. Greg Sanders: But how could she have known to put the birth control in before she was raped? CATHERINE Exactly. (CATHERINE drops the film and forceps into the glass container, stands up and walks out of the lab.) (GREG lifts up the VCF box and looks at the back of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (NICK and GRISSOM walk through the hallway) Nick: Guess where Jason Hendler was employed five years ago. Grissom: Summercliff Housing Development. A plumber, perhaps? Nick: Close. A subcontractor. How did you know? Grissom: Why else would you be so excited? (TERI MILLER walks through the hallway pulling her bags behind her. GRISSOM looks up and sees her.) Grissom: Hey! You weren't going to say good-bye to me? Nick: I'll meet you outside. Hi, Teri. Teri Miller: Thought I'd let you off easy. But I did tack up my number on your big fish corkboard ... under "cold cases." Grissom: The ones that got away. Teri Miller: Let's hope not. (TERI heads out the hallway. She glances back at GRISSOM as she turns the corner and out of his sight.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (WARRICK and SARA show BRASS what they discovered.) Warrick: So, check it out ... the laser is the path of the bullet. If you were Officer Tyner and you approached the suspect from the driver's side of the vehicle ... Sara: Vic was shot in the frontal lobe through the windshield. There's no way I could shoot the guy from here and mimic that trajectory. Warrick: The laws of physics trump the eye witness. There's only one way this could've gone down. (Quick flashback to: That night. The SUSPECT reaches for the glove compartment and opens it.) Suspect: I'll show you my registration! Officer Tyner: Put your hands on the wheel! (The SUSPECT reaches for the gun inside. He pulls it out and shoots himself in the forehead.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: Officer Tyner was telling the truth. (cc) BRASS: And that's a surprise? (cc) SARA: Ease up. Until now, none of us knew what really happened. Brass: So I bet you think I owe you one, huh? Warrick: We work. We get paid. You don't owe me anything. Brass: (smirks) Fine with me. (He turns and leaves the garage. SARA shakes her head and sighs.) (WARRICK doesn't look too disappointed by BRASS' reaction.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STRIP BAR - DRESSING ROOM] (CATHERINE is with APRIL in the dressing room. APRIL is getting dressed.) April Lewis: He promised me a million things. I got tired of him lying. Catherine: Like what -- marriage, kids? April Lewis: Music videos. He kept telling me he'd put me in one but he never delivered. Catherine: And for that you set him up for rape? (APRIL sighs.) April Lewis: No, it wasn't supposed to go this far, okay? I got this friend over at the trop. She got this high roller on a rape charge. He paid a ton to make it go away. Catherine: Wait a minute. You think that Eddie's got money? April Lewis: He is in the music business. Catherine: He reps some bands off-strip. April Lewis: (disbelieving) No, I met a producer friend of his from L.A. and he's always throwing money around this place. (CATHERINE starts to laugh. APRIL is puzzled by CATHERINE'S behavior. She turns to look at CATHERINE.) April Lewis: What? What's so funny? Catherine: (sighs) Nothing. (She shakes her head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JASON HENDLER'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (GRISSOM takes the floorboard off. The HENDLERS watch. GRISSOM looks under the floorboard and doesn't find the sand there anymore.) Grissom: I see you've cleaned house. I thought you might. Jason Hendler: I vacuumed up the sand. Big deal. Will you at least tell me what you're doing here? Grissom: I'm working, sir. Officer, would you hit the lights, please? (The top light turn off. GRISSOM sprays the floors.) JASON HENDLER You're getting my floor wet. (NICK enters the room.) Nick: It's luminol, sir. It dries quickly. Grissom: Surface is non-reactive. Jason Hendler: I know what you're doing. You're looking for blood. Amy Hendler: My husband didn't do anything. Why are you harassing him? Grissom: Let's try the ALS. Nick: Why use the Alternate Light Source if the luminol didn't pick up anything? Grissom: Luminol works on the surface. ALS chases the protein molecules in blood. It actually penetrates the wood. These floorboards are all made of maple -- high-end-but they've been lacquered. (They look at each other.) Nick: Who lacquers maple unless they're trying to hide something? Grissom: Yeah. (NICK turns on the ALS and sweeps the floor. They find glowing spots of blood drops and hand prints on the floorboards. GRISSOM stands up for a better look.) Grissom: Turn it off, Nick. Officer, hit the lights, please. (The top room lights turn on.) Grissom: Mr. Hendler let me tell you what I think happened to Fay. On the night of her disappearance, the two of you got in a heated argument. (Quick flashback to: JASON HENDLER and FAY GREEN arguing and fighting.) Fay Green: Don't you walk away from me! (JASON grabs FAY. She pulls away and goes head first into the large fish tank, water spills everywhere. FAY falls to the floor.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Suffering a concussion, Fay falls to the floor. In the heat of the moment you decide to make it final. But Fay surprises you: She fights back. She pushes you off. She crawls a few feet away and you move in for the final attack. (Quick flashback to: The fish tank breaks. FAY is on the floor. JASON HENDLER is above her, hitting her with the hand tool. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: One thing that I don't know, though. What did you use to kill her? Jason Hendler: I didn't kill her. Grissom: Well, whatever the weapon it wasn't a knife, but it worked. You drove her body over to Summercliff where you were employed and you buried her in wet concrete. Jason Hendler: I worked the Summercliff job less than a week. Ask Amy. She worked for the same contractor. Amy Hendler: That's right. He got a better job in Reno. Jason wasn't even in Vegas when Fay disappeared. Nick: And you painted the floors, covered your tracks for what, aesthetic reasons? (AMY sighs.) Grissom: Five years is a long time but eventually the past catches up to everybody. Jason Hendler: (insistent) I didn't kill Fay! I loved her. I STILL love her. (JASON stops when he realizes what he just said. Everyone freezes. JASON turns around to look at AMY, who shakes her head in denial.) Jason Hendler: Amy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Amy Hendler: You still love her? (He looks at her and sighs. He doesn't deny it.) Nick: Officer, would you please arrest Mr. Hendler? (A couple of officers walk into the room to handcuff JASON HENDLER.) Jason Hendler: Call my father. He'll get a lawyer. I didn't do it. It's okay. Grissom: (to NICK) I'll ride along with the cops. Bring homicide up to speed. This is now a fresh crime scene. (GRISSOM heads out.) Nick: I'll get to work. (NICK looks over at AMY who stands in the room, stunned.) (NICK leaves the room to get his things. In the next room, NICK reaches for his gloves. As he puts them on, his eyes latch onto the framed photos hanging on the wall. He looks at them absently, but something in one of the photos catches his eyes.) (It's a black and white photo of a couple of people wearing mountain climbing gear. He remembers what GRISSOM told him in the autopsy room.) Grissom: (V.O.) "The instrument had to be slightly curved with some kind of serrated edge like crocodile teeth..." (The camera moves in slowly to the climbing picks in the mountain climbers' hands. NICK realizes what the murder weapon is.) Nick: (eyes glued to the photo) Mrs. Hendler, do you and your husband do much rock climbing? (The gun cocks.) Amy Hendler: (o.s.) Yes. (NICK turns to look at AMY and instead, finds himself staring down the barrel of a gun.) Amy Hendler: That's what I killed her with. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HENDLER RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (JASON HENDLER, the OFFICERS and GRISSOM walk out of the house.) Jason Hendler: I can prove I was in Reno when Fay disappeared. I've got records. You don't want to talk, fine. But I've got a question for you. Why do you care so much about the floors? I mean, Amy paints them every spring. It's no big deal. (JASON shakes his head as the officers put him in the back seat of the car. GRISSOM stands there, thinking.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HENDLER RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Staring at the gun barrel, NICK backs away slowly from AMY HENDLER.) Amy Hendler: Jason was in Reno. I came here to tell Fay that we would be together again one day. NICK Mrs. Hendler, put the gun down. Amy Hendler: Do you know he was engaged to me when he met her? (Quick flashback to: FAY GREEN walks away from AMY. AMY grabs FAY. FAY pulls away; they struggle for a moment. FAY hits head first into the fish tank.) Amy Hendler: Where are you going? FAY GREEN: Stop it! (While FAY is on the floor, AMY reaches for the mountain climbing pick and beats FAY with it.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Amy Hendler: There was blood ... everywhere. No one else could see it ... but I knew it was there. A dead body is so heavy. (NICK nods his head, tears in his own eyes.) Nick: Mrs. Hendler, I'm a good listener. (swallows) You got to give me the gun. Amy Hendler: (cries) I can't! (whispers) I'm sorry. Nick: No, wait. Amy Hendler: But you arrested my husband. Nick: Wait! Grissom: (o.s.) Mrs. Hendler. (AMY HENDLER swings around to find GRISSOM pointing his own gun at her. His focus intent on her.) Grissom: Nick, don't move. (AMY HENDLER holds the shaking gun on GRISSOM.) Grissom: Please. I don't want to fire my gun any more than you do. For five years, you've been washing the blood off your hands. (She starts crying.) Let's put down the guns. (AMY slowly lowers the gun. GRISSOM slowly walks toward her. NICK sees that it's going to be all right and turns around, his back to everyone.) (GRISSOM takes the gun from AMY.) Grissom: You okay, Nick? (NICK turns to look at GRISSOM.) Nick: Yeah. Grissom: Come on. (GRISSOM leads AMY HENDLER out of the room. NICK takes off his gloves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARK - DAY] (CATHERINE sits on the park bench watching LINDSEY playing on the swings.) Lindsey Willows: Hey, mom! (EDDIE walks up from behind and stands next to CATHERINE. CATHERINE waves back to LINDSEY.) Eddie Willows: Morning. (CATHERINE looks up at EDDIE.) Catherine: Morning. (EDDIE takes the seat next to CATHERINE.) Catherine: Please don't tell me that you're in trouble again already. Eddie Willows: You weren't home. I figured you'd be here. Lindsey loves this park. So, I thought I'd take you out to breakfast. Say thank you. Catherine: You're welcome. (CATHERINE takes off her sunglasses and looks at EDDIE.) Catherine: I don't think that's such a good idea, though. (EDDIE nods.) Eddie Willows: Cath, when are we going to talk about what happened between us? Catherine: What's to talk about? You cheated on me. I caught you. I've got a new life. (They both turn to look at LINDSEY. He reaches for CATHERINE.) Eddie Willows: Cath ... (CATHERINE pulls away.) Eddie Willows: Come on. Why do you fight the one thing we're good at? (He reaches for her again and leans in close ... just as LINDSEY looks up from her seat on the swing and sees him. She runs over to them.) Lindsey Willows: Daddy! Daddy! Eddie Willows: Hey! There's my little girl. (He turns away from CATHERINE and stands to pick up LINDSEY. She jumps into his arms and hugs him. Over her shoulder, EDDIE looks at CATHERINE. She sighs.) (The camera pulls away from them.)	Plan: A: Catherine; Q: Who violates department protocol when she takes a case of a rape accusation against her ex-husband? A: the missing bullet; Q: What do Warrick and Sara search for? A: a cop; Q: Who is the missing bullet that will either exonerate or indict? A: murder; Q: What crime is the missing bullet indicting a cop for? A: a female skeleton; Q: What is found under a house buried in cement? Summary: Catherine violates department protocol when she takes the case of a rape accusation against her ex-husband. Warrick and Sara search for the missing bullet that will either exonerate or indict a cop for murder. Grissom and Nick investigate when a female skeleton is found under a house buried in cement.
TEASER: (Open: A young boy is jumping on his bed in his bedroom. White particles are falling from the ceiling, landing on his head and all over his bed. His mother is in another room of the house.) DYLAN: Mom, it's snowing! DYLAN'S MOM: Are you jumping on your bed again, Dylan? DYLAN: Yeah, cause it's snowing! Come make a snowman with me! (Dylan's mother opens the door to his bedroom.) DYLAN'S MOM: Oh, what have you done in here? (She glances up at the ceiling to find that it is cracking and raining down plaster.) Sweetie, come here. (Dylan jumps off the bed and runs to his mom. She peers at his hair.) DYLAN'S MOM: Oh, my God! DYLAN: What's wrong? DYLAN'S MOM: It's not the good kind of snow, honey. (The ceiling cracks and creaks and then breaks apart, raining down all kinds of junk onto the bed where the boy was jumping only moments before. The woman stares in horror as all the stuff from the apartment above hers falls into the bedroom. A decomposed body falls onto the bed and then a skull follows shortly after, bouncing off the bed and onto the floor, covered in maggots. The boy grins.) DYLAN: Cool! Dibs on the skull! (Cut to: The boy's room with all the junk on the bed. Booth is looking around and Brennan is examining the remains.) BOOTH: Who keeps this much junk? Oh, whoa. Wow! Washington Capitals puck from the '80s. That's classic. BRENNAN: Victim is male... in his 40s. BOOTH: That's all you got? I mean, usually you have just a list of specifics I don't even understand. BRENNAN: I'm very distracted. BOOTH: Yeah, I bet you are with all the junk here. BRENNAN: No, not that. You probably heard about the full set of interspecies hominid remains that were found in the Maluku Islands. BOOTH: No, I missed that one. Where's Mypoopoo? BRENNAN: Maluku. Indonesia. Anyway, this could be a crucial link in the evolutionary chain. BOOTH: Could be huge, I bet. But what about the 40 year-old dead guy here? BRENNAN: There are apparent perimortem injuries to the temporal and parietal bones, and the squamosal suture. BOOTH: So, he got hit in the head, huh? Let's go see if what hit him is upstairs. And I'm keepin' the puck--that's vintage. (Cut to: The floor upstairs. The landlord, Morgan Finley, pulls his keys out of a briefcase to unlock the dead man's door.) FINLEY: I tried to get him to clean up his place. He wouldn't answer the door, he wouldn't pick up his phone. BOOTH: Well, it's probably clean by now. Most of his stuff came crashing through the ceiling of the downstairs apartment. FINLEY: Yeah, you know what'd be great? If it didn't get out that Murphy died in the apartment. Makes it tougher to rent. BRENNAN: A big hole in the floor probably makes it less desirable, too. (The door is unlocked and Booth pushes the door open. The squeaking of rodents can be heard and there is clearly a lot of junk in the apartment. There are shelves lined with stuff and it is very enclosed, with barely any room to walk.) BOOTH: Oh, not one of those guys. BRENNAN: What guys? BOOTH: A hoarder. BRENNAN: This is an anthropological microcosm of this man's life. BOOTH: How are we gonna find any pertinent evidence in all this crap? BRENNAN: All this "crap" is evidence, Booth. (Cut to: Booth is sitting on a desk in the victim's apartment while beetles and other insects crawl on the floor. Jack Hodgins walks in with Camille Saroyan right behind him.) HODGINS: Oooh, this is a little slice of heaven. Cockroaches, fleas, rat droppings, bat guano. CAM: One of those guys. BOOTH: Oh, yeah. (A rat squeaks and Booth shifts his feet.) Whoa. Oh. CAM: I think I'll be happier downstairs with the dead stuff. (She makes her exit.) BOOTH: Ugh, who could live in this stench? Put on the fan there, will ya? HODGINS: Sense of smell--it's destroyed after a while. Must be a survival mechanism. (Cut to: The apartment below. Brennan and Cam are examining the human remains.) BRENNAN: In the Maluku Islands. It's a remarkable find. CAM: Better than upstairs? BRENNAN: Well, upstairs can't really shed light on the interspecies similarities of human evolution. CAM: Well this guy must've been dead for a long time. BRENNAN: Maybe not. Hodgins found so many insects and rodents, they could've cleaned the flesh quite rapidly. Anyway, remains were found on the islands which suggest Homo floresienses may have mated with early Homo sapiens. I've been in touch with the organizing committee. CAM: Really? BRENNAN: That shouldn't cause surprise. I'm an anthropologist. CAM: Who's been focusing on murder lately. BRENNAN: Lately. BOOTH: (From the apartment above, speaking through the hole in the floor/ceiling.) Hey, down below. You might want to check this out. (Cut to: The victim's apartment. Brennan is picking her way through the rubbish to where Booth and Hodgins are standing.) BRENNAN: Did you find more remains? BOOTH: Not exactly. HODGINS: I did, however, find thirty-six waffle irons. No syrup, though, what's the point? BOOTH: Hodgins. HODGINS: Right. (Clears throat and turns on a flashlight revealing a lot of blood stains on the floor.) Behold. CAM: I'm thinking cause of death might have something to do with blood loss. ACT I (Open: The Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab Platform. Intern Daisy Wick, Cam and Brennan are putting the body together to more fully examine it.) DAISY: There. A place for everything. And everything in its place. CAM: The place for this guy's flesh is on his bones, not in the buggy bellies of thousands of maggots. BRENNAN: Dental records confirm that these are the remains of Timothy Daniel Murphy, age forty-eight. DAISY: You'll excuse me if I'm a little bit excited. CAM: Oh, you have a thing for hoarders, do you? DAISY: Oh, Lord, no. They make me a little nauseous, actually, but I have excellent control of my gag reflex. BRENNAN: There are two sets of parallel cleft wounds to the parietal and temporal bones, consistent with an attack with some kind of blade. CAM: Hacked to death--that would explain all the blood. DAISY: Weren't we talking about me? CAM: It always seems that way. DAISY: It's just... I've been accepted to go to the Maluku Islands. (She shrieks and Cam visibly flinches.) CAM: Whoa! Hearing loss, Miss Wick! BRENNAN: That is excellent news. CAM: Wow, that did not sound sincere. DAISY: If it weren't for that letter of recommendation you wrote, I would not have made the cut. BRENNAN: Well, I had no idea that recommendation was for the Maluku project. DAISY: But it was. This is amazing. I could be referenced in research materials. (She shrieks again.) CAM: Whoa! Daisy, you have to stop making that noise. Hacking suggests a crime of passion. Any blade marks on the other bones? (She directs the question to Brennan who seems very distracted. She stares at her, then moves to try to get her attention.) Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Yes, Ms. Wick is indeed very fortunate. The Maluku anthropological team could influence scientific thought for many years. CAM: Perhaps we could return from the Maluku Islands and focus on the murder? (Cut to: The Coffee Cart in the park, outside the FBI Building. Booth and Dr. Lance Sweets are discussing the hoarder investigation.) SWEETS: Disposophobics. BOOTH: What's that? SWEETS: It's the psychiatric term for those who hoard. These photos indicate that the victim was a level five hoarder. BOOTH: Five out of ten? SWEETS: No, out of five. BOOTH: Well, things are usually out of ten. They should be out of ten. (He glances up to see that Colonel Dan Pelant is staring at him. It clearly makes him uncomfortable.) SWEETS: But level five is extremely severe. You'd be classified as a level one. BOOTH: Me? SWEETS: Yeah. I've seen your office, your apartment. You cling. BOOTH: I don't cling, okay? I collect things. It's a big difference. SWEETS: Okay. A level five disposophobic might also be an agoraphobic, which would limit his relationships in the outside world. You'd be dealing with a very small pool of suspects. (He notices the exchange between Pelant and Booth.) Why are you staring at that soldier? BOOTH: That's not a soldier. That's a full bird Colonel in the U.S. Rangers. And you know what? He's staring at me. (He walks up to Pelant.) BOOTH: I hope this is coincidental. PELANT: Most definitely not, Master Sergeant. BOOTH: No, I'm not a master sergeant. FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. (He flashes his badge.) Why'd they send you? PELANT: I told them you'd talk to me. So far, so good. BOOTH: I'm not talking to you. This is me not talking to you. (He starts to walk away.) PELANT: We're losing men every day, men who don't have to die and wouldn't if you trained them. Your country needs you. BOOTH: Oh, no. Don't say that word. I served my country, Colonel. (He walks back to Sweets at the Coffee Cart, dumping his coffee in the trash on the way.) SWEETS: Who's that guy? BOOTH: Do me a favor, huh? Just head back to the murder victim's apartment, see if you can pick out any psychological clues from the garbage, okay? (He sighs and exits. Sweets turns to the Colonel who looks at him for a moment and then turns around and walks away.) (Cut to: Sweets in a jumpsuit is entering the victim's apartment where Hodgins is still working.) SWEETS: Hello? HODGINS: Hey. (He laughs.) Look at you, all squinted up. SWEETS: (Picks at the jumpsuit.) Yeah, they didn't really get me a pair that fits. To be honest, I'm feeling kind of pinched in my... Wow. Those photographs did not lie. HODGINS: Nope. SWEETS: So have you found anything that points to the killer? HODGINS: No, not unless he was trying to hoard the hoarder's hoard. SWEETS: Well, there might have been something of value in all this, right? HODGINS: What, you think someone actually tried to take something from here? How would he even know where to look? SWEETS: (Looking around, he spies a snake crossing one of the pathways through the junk.) Oh, oh! Did I just see a snake? HODGINS: Thamnophis sirtalis. It's a common garter snake. SWEETS: We're on the third floor! How does a snake get in here? HODGINS: Probably followed the bats, rats, mice, squirrels, and fleas. There's also extensive termite damage, which explains why the entire floor fell into the apartment below. SWEETS: Four, five, six fans, and there are air fresheners hanging all over the place, so obviously there were complaints by the neighbors. HODGINS: Yep, suspects. I mean, heck, wouldn't you kill him if you lived next door to this? SWEETS: (Finds a sword and holds it up.) Whoa! Daisy said that the victim was killed by a blade. Hacked to death, maybe. This could be the murder weapon. HODGINS: Yeah, well, you can put it over there with all the others. (He points to a pile of potential murder weapons.) SWEETS: Oh. Well, maybe all of these fell on him and it was just an accident. HODGINS: Uh, no. No, that wouldn't explain the blood spatter. SWEETS: (He sighs.) This is going to be very difficult because everywhere you look, there's a weapon. (He sees Hodgins at the window looking worried.) What's wrong? HODGINS: (Glances out the window to see Angela's father standing on the sidewalk outside.) He's back. SWEETS: Who's back? HODGINS: Angela's father. (He glances over at Sweets who starts walking over to look out the window. When they look out again, Angela's dad is gone.) Okay, I saw him down there. I know you do not believe me, but I saw him. SWEETS: No, I totally believe you. The man carries a black cat bone in his back pocket. HODGINS: Oh, God help me. (Cut to: FBI Interrogation room. Booth is questioning Mr. Finley about the victim and the state of his apartment.) FINLEY: Yeah, of course I got complaints--and not just from his floor--from the whole building, from people passing by on the street. BOOTH: Why didn't you just evict him? FINLEY: Oh, I tried and tried and tried. Look, "eviction notice for cause, to wit: health, hygiene, damage to the building." Here's a summons and a complaint, both of which Mr. Murphy ignored, and multiple filings with the health department, including mold, mildew, dust mites, vermin... And there are snakes in the apartment, Agent Booth. Snakes. BOOTH: Why couldn't you have just turned off the heat? FINLEY: Yeah, because that would be illegal. He could sue me. BOOTH: All this stuff must have made you pretty desperate. FINLEY: Yeah, I know you think I killed Murphy to get him out of the apartment. BOOTH: Well, you know, the building is rent-controlled. You know, you could have just kicked him out and charged your new tenant double. FINLEY: More like quadruple, but I didn't kill him. I went through the proper channels, which you can see-- look. These are the court filings which Mr. Murphy ignored, the last one filed three days ago. BOOTH: You sure came prepared. FINLEY: Yeah, well, I got to pay for the ceiling that collapsed. I can't afford that and a lawyer. (Cut to: Brennan walking toward the Royal Diner then stopping on the corner when she sees Booth and Pelant talking inside. Pelant gives Booth an envelope then gets up and leaves. Brennan continues into the Diner where Booth is reading the contents of the envelope.) BRENNAN: Hi. BOOTH: Hey, Bones. What are you doing here? (He quickly snatches up the paper and shoves it back into the envelope while she sits down across from him.) BRENNAN: Well, you asked me here to compare notes on the murder. BOOTH: Right, yeah. BRENNAN: Who was that soldier? BOOTH: Oh, just, uh, just an old army buddy of mine. BRENNAN: You didn't look like buddies. BOOTH: What, all of a sudden, you can tell stuff like that? BRENNAN: Well, you've taught me to be more observant of human interaction. I can also tell that you're reluctant to be honest about your real relationship with him. (She opens the envelope and takes out the papers, reading them quickly before glancing back up at him.) Secretary of Defense? They want you to go back into the Army? As a Sergeant Major? Wait. I thought you were a Master Sergeant. BOOTH: They're just trying to tempt me with a promotion, but, you know, I'm not going. BRENNAN: This lists your commendations. You were really good at being a soldier. Why do they want you back? BOOTH: Yeah, you know, they just think that my experience as an FBI agent and a sniper in the first Gulf War... BRENNAN: You could train soldiers in techniques for tracking and apprehending insurgents. BOOTH: Yeah, well, I'm real happy tracking and catching murderers right here. BRENNAN: They say you could save lives. BOOTH: Course they're gonna say that. It's the Army. They say that cause that's what they want. BRENNAN: You don't think you'd save lives? BOOTH: Well, yeah, but I mean, anyone would in that position. BRENNAN: Not everybody is as good as you. BOOTH: I served my country, and I have a kid here. I got responsibilities, all right? I'm not going to Afganistan, and you're not going to the Makapoopoo Islands. BRENNAN: Maluku. BOOTH: Right. Exactly. You know what? We have our jobs here, right? Yeah. (Cut to: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab; Brennan walking in buttoning up her lab coat when she is called by Daisy Wick.) DAISY: Excuse me, Dr. Brennan. If I could just have a moment. And I'd like to preface my statement with a caveat. Your unquestionable brilliance-- BRENNAN: What is it, Ms. Wick? DAISY: Okay, okay. In your preliminary report, you said the injuries to the temporal and parietal bones and squamosal suture were inflicted at time of death. BRENNAN: That's correct. DAISY: "That"-- meaning what I said, or "that" meaning what you said? I'll read what you wrote verbatim. BRENNAN: That's not necessary. DAISY: "There are apparent perimortem injuries to the temporal and parietal bones and the squamosal suture." BRENNN: That sounds correct. DAISY: How angry would you be if it were not correct? BRENNAN: You mean if I were wrong? DAISY: I would never state it in those kind of bald terms. Does inaccurate sound better? No. Um, erroneous? BRENNAN: What have you found, Miss Wick? DAISY: You'll know instantly when I point it out. (They both walk to the computer where Daisy pulls up some images.) Here... and here under 40 times magnification. BRENNAN: Remodeling. The wounds started to heal before the victim died. DAISY: Which means we have no clear cause of death. And even after your superlative recommendation, I am stumped. BRENNAN: Please conduct a histological study of the bones. DAISY: Yes, yes of course. And may I ask why you want to do that? BRENNAN: There's something funny about the way these bones feel. DAISY: Bones have a feel? BRENNAN: Yes. Touch them. Compare them kinetically to the thousands of other bones you've examined. DAISY: Lighter. My God, yes. I wish you were coming to Maluku. It seems odd that you'd be missing something so important. BRENNAN: The histological study, Ms. Wick. (Cut to: Angela's office; Brennan and Angela are looking at pictures of the hoarder's things.) BRENNAN: The victim's apartment is like an archaeological dig. We should be able to put together a picture of his life from his effects. ANGELA: Now, Hodgins is dating each pile of junk according to insect larvae, rat droppings, and the yellowing of the paper. Apparently he's been hoarding stuff for about four years. The oldest stuff is where he fell through the ceiling. BRENNAN: Hoarders often organize their holdings by category and value, much like one would find in a museum. ANGELA: Oh, so he was curating garbage? BRENNAN: Well, the term garbage is relative. The only intrinsic value things have is what we give them. It seems odd now, but in Holland, tulip bulbs were once as valuable as houses. Maybe we all overvalue things that are... essentially worthless. ANGELA: Well, that was more than a comment on this case. What's going on Brennan? BRENNAN: What separates what I do here from what this man did? ANGELA: So going to Malulu is worth more? BRENNAN: Maluku. Yes. The murders will never stop, but this find has real, finite value. I'd be able to answer questions about our origin, evolutionary track. It has implications for history, science. ANGELA: Listen, you're allowed to make life changes without picking a fight with your old life. BRENNAN: But I need a break from my life. I'm worried all the time. Worried that Booth might get hurt on a case, and I couldn't prevent it, worried... about what our partnership means. ANGELA: So you want to get away from Booth? BRENNAN: No. It's just... I just need some perspective so that I can view my life with some objectivity. ANGELA: Have you talked to him about it? BRENNAN: The Army wants Booth to go to Afghanistan. To train soldiers in the apprehension of terrorists. ANGELA: Is-is he going to go? BRENNAN: Even though he said he wasn't, it felt like he wanted to. Perhaps it's all for the best. ANGELA: You two at opposite ends of the world? (She scoffs.) No, I don't think so. BRENNAN: We have work to do. Traditionally, hoarders have on section of possessions that has a greater value than the others. We should be looking for that. (Cut to: Booth and Parker are driving home from Parker's baseball game.) BOOTH: Where did you learn how to throw a fast ball like that, huh? You were amazing. PARKER: You taught me. BOOTH: No! No. Hey, I'm not that good. Right? Yeah. PARKER: Dad? BOOTH: Yeah? PARKER: Are you going back to be a soldier? BOOTH: Uh, why are you asking me that? PARKER: Mom said the Army called our house, looking for you. BOOTH: I'm not in the Army anymore, Bub. I'm out, okay? I made a decision to stay with the FBI to be with you all the time. PARKER: So... it's my fault? BOOTH: What's your fault? PARKER: It's my fault people will die? BOOTH: No. That's-that's not what I meant. PARKER: I want you to save lives. BOOTH: Yeah, well I do that here. PARKER: No, here you catch people that kill other people. There you would make it so people won't die. Isn't that better? BOOTH: It was just a phone call, buddy. That's all. It's over with, alright? I've got an even better idea. What do you say we go get one of those huge, giant, root beer floats that you love so much, huh? PARKER: Sure. BOOTH: Yeah, alright. That's my kid. (Cut to: FBI Building; Sweet's office. Daisy is telling him that she's going to the Maluku Islands for a year.) SWEETS: Where are the Maluku Islands? DAISY: (Opens a book and shows him a map.) Formerly known as the Spice Islands, indicating they smell very good. There are earthquakes and volcanoes, and a number of venomous creatures. SWEETS: What about our wedding? DAISY: We could elope in the Maluku Islands. SWEETS: Oh. Okay. What then? What would I do there? DAISY: I know this isn't easy for you, Lancelot. But this is the biggest career opportunity I've ever had, and, like my mentor, Dr. Temperance Brennan, my career means everything to me. SWEETS: Everything. DAISY: For now. And I know you're not exactly Mr. Adventure, so this has to be difficult for you. But this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance. I have to go. For a year. SWEETS: What?! DAISY: If you do decide to follow me, here's some literature on the Maluku Islands. You were a swimmer in college. There seem to be some lucrative opportunities in the pearl-diving trade. (They look at each other and Sweets sighs in defeat.) (Cut to: Hodgins going through the victim's belongings. He finds a plastic envelope of papers and takes out his phone to call Booth.) BOOTH: Special Agent Seeley Booth. HODGINS: Hey, Booth, I found something. BOOTH: What kind of something? HODGINS: It's accounting records dated four years ago. They seem to have been neatly put away. Hey, what is the traumatic event that turned him into a hoarder was work-related? I mean, remember Enron? Madoff? Those guys would've loved to have killed their accountant. I'm just saying, you never know what secret lives people have in their past. You know what I mean? BOOTH: Yeah, I do. HODGINS: Alright, well, I'm going to crate these up and I'll go ahead and send 'em over to you and... You hung up, didn't you? Booth? Yeah, okay. (He turns around and shrieks. Angela's dad is standing there.) That wasn't a scream. That was a yelp. It's perfectly understandable. This is a... crime scene, so, technically no one should be here. ANGELA'S DAD: You're not afraid of me, are you? HODGINS: You? No. ANGELA'S DAD: Good. So now that you're family, I'm gonna have to go ahead here and uh, ask you for a favor. HODGINS: Anything for family. Dad. (Cut to: FBI Building; Interrogation Room. Booth is going through some papers with Elaine Akusta.) ELAINE: I can't believe this. Tim and I worked together eight years. The exciting world of corporate accounting. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw Mr. Murphy? ELAINE: He left the firm a year ago. I haven't seen him since, but we've talked on the phone, though. BOOTH: Do you know anything about these accounting records? ELAINE: Well, there's nothing special about them. Its simple receivables, cash receipts. Its office supplies, mostly. It's the kind of thing we take to the recycling bin each quarter. BOOTH: Which we found in Tim Murphy's apartment. ELAINE: I'm sure. See, this is where it started. He'd take home stuff from the office. It was garbage, really, but he acted like it was gold or something. BOOTH: hmmm. The, uh, signature on these documents... ELAINE: It's mine, yes. Oh, wait, you're wondering if there's some kind of crooked accounting here? Like I might have a reason to hurl Tim? BOOTH: (Scoffs.) Kind of crossed my mind. ELAINE: You can have any forensic accountant look at these. They're worthless. Tim had problems, Agent Booth. BOOTH: Yeah, the hoarding. We know. ELAINE: Yes. He was agoraphobic, too. He wouldn't leave his apartment. That's why he lost his job. We tried an intervention, a year ago, a bunch of us from work, but he wouldn't even let us in the apartment. I told him he was going to smother in all that junk. But to him, it was treasure. About a month ago, he said a guy offered him $50,000 for something. BOOTH: You know what it was for? ELAINE: I didn't take him seriously, Agent Booth. Tim was a very sick man. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Autopsy Room. Cam and Brennan are going over some findings.) CAM: Starved to death? BRENNAN: Yes. Notice the demineralization, particularly in the large bones. CAM: But his place was full of food. Not good food, but basic sustenance. BRENNAN: The histology report shows decreased bone mass, and a marked deficiency in calcium. He starved to death. CAM: After being hacked? BRENNAN: Yes. That could take anywhere from several days to a month. CAM: So after he was attacked he was somehow immobilized? BRENNAN: Based on insect activity, Hodgins says he was trapped under a collapsed pile of his hoardings. CAM: Oh, that's horrible. DAISY: (Bursts into the room.) Oh, my God! I'm so excited. I just heard the news. I could burst! CAM: What news? DAISY: Dr. Brennan has been asked to head up the Maluku Island project! Isn't that so exciting? I just knew they were gonna ask her! (Cut to: Tim Murphy's Apartment. Hodgins, Sweets and Booth are looking for signs of a missing item.) HODGINS: Someone offered him $50,000? For what? BOOTH: She didn't say. Just said a guy offered him 50 grand for something. SWEETS: A disposophobic has a delusional regard for the value of the things he hoards. HODGINS: Yeah, that's what Dr. Brennan said. But she used anthropology speak so it sounded more sciency. BOOTH: The marks on this door here. You're saying it's from termites? HODGINS: Yeah, there's termite damage all through this area. BOOTH: (Muttering.) I don't think so. See this wood here? That is splintered. HODGINS: You're right. BOOTH: So, uh, door was probably pried open. So, a robbery, motive for murder. SWEETS: Hoarder has an actual treasure, somebody wants it, he won't sell, he's robbed, murdered. Yeah, it fits. HODGINS: I don't think it's possible to tell if anything got stolen from this place. SWEETS: So, Daisy's going to, uh, Indonesia. She doesn't really care if I go with her. HODGINS: Oooh. Ouch. BOOTH: Sweets, no offense, but you might be better off without her. SWEETS: Dr. Brennan was asked to head up the expedition. Will you be better off without her? BOOTH: Excuse me? SWEETS: Daisy told me. BOOTH: No, Bones is not going anywhere. HODGINS: If it's any consolation, Angela's dad got cheated out of his car in a card game with some bikers and he wants me to steal it back. SWEETS: How is that any consolation? HODGINS: Travails d'amour, mes amis. The things we do for love. BOOTH: Great. You guys stay here and see if this guy's got anything in here that's worth 50 grand. You understand? (He exits.) SWEETS: So, uh, I'll help you get that car back. HODGINS: Really? SWEETS: Yeah. You know why? Cause I'm Mr. Adventure. HODGINS: I'd rather you were Mr. Sneaky Ninja Killer Assassin, but hey, a guy can't be picky in the sidekick market, huh? SWEETS: Nope. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Platform. Brennan is examining evidence with Daisy.) BRENNAN: The Raman spectroscope uses lasers and light diffusion to measure minute changes in chemical composition. DAISY: This machine would be very useful on the Maluku Islands. BRENNAN: I've already suggested it to the organizers. DAISY: So you're coming? BRENNAN: Agent Booth and I are partners. I have to discuss it with him first. DAISY: He's probably going to go be a big hero in Afghanistan. BRENNAN: He says he doesn't want to go. DAISY: Lance said that Booth has the psyche of a true warrior. That it's a miracle he hasn't gone back long before this. Maybe you're holding him back the same way he's holding you back. (Off Brennan's look.) I shouldn't have said that. But sometimes my mouth just has a mouth of its own. BRENNAN: We have to determine the precise day the victim was struck. DAISY: The day of attack, not the day of death. Yeah. How? BRENNAN: I want you to measure the amount of remodeling that occurred since the attack. DAISY: Oh, my God, that's genius. You have to come to Maluku. You don't want me being honored by the National Society of Anthropologists without you, do you? BRENNAN: Remodeling, Ms. Wick. (Cut to: Angela's Office and Murphy's Apartment. Angela and Cam are on the webcam open on Hodgins' computer at the apartment where he's still going through evidence with Sweets.) ANGELA: Okay, what I did was modify my mass-recognition program--patent pending--to scan the photographic reconstruction of the crime scene to find areas of comparatively less chaos. HODGINS: Awesome. CAM: You understand what she's saying? HODGINS: Not in the least, but I'm so turned on by her brain. I'd like to see her brain totally naked. SWEETS: That's a terrible image. It's just terrible. ANGELA: Okay, Sweets, you'll understand this. We have a hoarder. We also have a possible intruder. The intruder comes in to look for something. SWEETS: Okay. Stacks of... HODGINS: Crap. SWEETS: ...crap grow organically, in a way. But if someone came in and disturbed the hoarder's system, then put everything back, it would look different. CAM: It doesn't look different. ANGELA: Well, it does to my program. There. (She points to a spot on her screen.) Okay, now somebody, not the victim, rearranged that pile. HODGINS: Okay, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where? (He puts a camera on a strap around his head.) ANGELA: So you're going to go towards the window. HODGINS: Okay. Window. (He and sweets start walking with Sweets leading and transmitting on camera.) ANGELA: Now turn right. SWEETS: Right. CAM: You're getting warmer. Warmer. To the left. Okay, there. ANGELA: Does anything look strange? Anything missing? HODGINS: Yes. There are silverfish eggs here. So something was on top of these eggs that prevented them from hatching. I'll take some samples and figure out exactly what it was. (Cut to: A bench in the park, near the Coffee Cart. Booth and Brennan are sitting, sipping coffee and talking.) BOOTH: So, Bones, here we are. What's all the mystery about? BRENNAN: I've been offered the chance to head up the Maluku Island project. BOOTH: Yeah, I heard. Daisy told Sweets and Sweets told me. BRENNAN: Oh. I'd like to accept. BOOTH: Hmmm. I thought you already had. BRENNAN: We've been partners for five years, Booth. I wouldn't make a decision like this without talking to you. BOOTH: Bones, look, you don't need my permission. Okay, it's-it's cool. BRENNAN: You say that, but you won't look at me. You're the one who taught me the value of making eye contact. So, please...? BOOTH: (He looks at her.) I'm sorry. I just... I don't do really good with change, I guess. BRENNAN: Well, you're better than I am. BOOTH: The pyramids are better at change than you are. (Off her look.) It was a joke. Hey, I was being affectionate. BRENNAN: Oh. (Laughs) Will you go back to the Army? BOOTH: It's what's best for me right now. BRENNAN: I'll only be gone for a year. BOOTH: Me, too. Right. So, hey, what's a year? BRENNAN: It's the time it takes the Earth to make a full revolution around the sun. BOOTH: In the scheme of things. You know, the grand scheme. Just saying, a year is just, you know... it's not too bad. BRENNAN: Right. BOOTH: Right? BRENNAN: We can come back, pick up where we left off. Nothing really has to change. BOOTH: No, things have to change. You know what? Hey, I taught you about eye contact, you taught me about evolution. So... here's to change. BRENNAN: (They touch their coffee cups together.) To change. (Cut to: FBI Building; Conference Room. Caroline Julian and Booth are going over Booth's report.) CAROLINE: So, here's what you got so far: A crazy hoarder got knocked down, buried alive under his own hoardings, by a robber who stole something that maybe killed bugs, then the hoarder died a little while later, then fell through the ceiling of the apartment downstairs. BOOTH: It sounds better in my report. CAROLINE: Which raises the question: you usually ad a little spice to your reports when you know your case is weak. BOOTH: There was no question in there. CAROLINE: It was implied. Connect the dots. (Booth hands her the envelope from Pelant. She opens it and reads.) Aren't you a little old to go off fighting wars? BOOTH: I'm not going to be fighting. I'm just going to be training soldiers to investigate, pursue and detain. CAROLINE: I guess that answers my next question as to whether or not you intend to go. What about your partner? BOOTH: Oh, Bones--She's going to Indonesia. You know what? Maybe it's time to find another, you know, FBI guy and a forensic anthropologist. CAROLINE: Yes, on account of you're both so replaceable. You gotta act like a big boy on this one. BOOTH: You don't want me to go? CAROLINE: No, you go, you stay, that's up to you. But before you go, you clear this case, not just dress up nothing in a nice report. (She gives him a sad look and then exits.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Brennan, Cam and Hodgins are walking through the lab to Hodgins' office.) HODGINS: I took the unhatched silverfish eggs, made a milkshake, and ran it through the mass-spec. CAM: To find out what poisoned them? HODGINS: Not poisoned, but rendered infertile. BRENNAN: Oh, suggesting chemical agents or radiation. HODGINS: Radiation. What I found were phyllosilicate minerals, along with some interesting metal oxides, very small traces of vitrified clay and Uranium 235. CAM: So, an atomic bomb? HODGINS: No, something much more interesting than that. (He walks to his computer and pulls up an image of a garden gnome.) CAM: An atomic gnome? HODGINS: Basically. Yeah. This is the Fiestaware Christmas Gnome, circa 194`. Now, the uranium was a common ingredient in the glaze on these gnomes until the Second World War, when all production of the red Fiestaware gnome was halted. BRENNAN: The victim claimed he possessed something worth $50,000. How much is the gnome worth? HODGINS: $50,000 CAM: We have our motive. Now we just have to find the person who collects radioactive Hobbits. SWEETS: (Enters in all black with a ski cap on his head.) Mr. Adventure's here, ready to kick some biker ass. CAM: Please don't explain. (Exits) (Cut to: An unknown lot with a fence where Angela's Dad's car is being held. Hodgins and Sweets are being stealthy and trying to figure out how to get in and get the car back.) SWEETS: Are you sure this is the address? HODGINS: Yes, absolutely sure. SWEETS: This is pretty extreme, man. HODGINS: Of course, because I've got a father-in-law that plays poker with bikers. SWEETS: Now, is that his... (Security lights flash on and dogs begin barking and run up to the fence. Sweets and Hodgins run away.) (Cut to: FBI Building; Interrogation Room. Booth has a suspect, Rocky DeKnight, sitting down with a gnome on the table.) ROCKY: You mind turning him around? BOOTH: Why? Why, because the gnome knows what you did? And you don't like him staring at you with his soulful little eyes? ROCKY: How do you even know that's my gnome? BOOTH: We found it in your basement. ROCKY: Someone planted it there. BOOTH: Why? ROCKY: Because I'm a well known aficionado and purveyor of Fiestaware. BOOTH: So, the phone records indicate that you called Mr. Murphy several times during the days leading up to his death. ROCKY: Someone on the Fiesta message board mentioned Murphy scored the motherlode at a flea market a few years back. He only bought it for 12 bucks. I was trying to see if he'd sell. BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Last time you contacted him was on April 29th--the day he was assaulted--so, you have an alibi for that? ROCKY: I went to talk to him. I was going to give him 50 grand. I mean, he didn't even appreciate the gnome. He was insane. BOOTH: So what--what, did you attack him with a kitchen knife or a machete? ROCKY: No. No, he saw. I pushed the guy, and took the gnome, that's all. BOOTH: You expect him to answer, Rocky? ROCKY: He already did. He said, "Shut up and get a lawyer." BOOTH: Smart. Smart gnome. (Cut to: FBI Building. Booth, Brennan and Caroline are walking through the halls.) CAROLINE: I need more. BOOTH: Come on, Caroline, we got this guy. BRENNAN: Cause of death, means, motive, opportunity. CAROLINE: What caused the hacks to the skull? BRENNAN: We don't know. BOOTH: Well, he died of starvation, anyway. CAROLINE: The assault caused him to starve. Still manslaughter. Which will get tossed if all I have in court is this. If it's gonna be your last case together, then do it properly. BRENNAN: It's not our last case. BOOTH: We'll be back in a year. CAROLINE: Tight as a drum, that's what I want. And trust me, the way you two are running from each other, you'd better be damn sure of these little trips you're taking. (She shoves the case file at Booth.) BOOTH: Oh. (Cut to: Hodgins and Sweets at the Biker lot, scaling the wall. A blanket gets thrown over the top and then Hodgins appears, followed by Sweets.) HODGINS: If Angela was going to the Maluku Islands, I'd go. SWEETS: Even if it meant you becoming a pearl diver? HODGINS: Hey, even if it meant my having to listen to Daisy. SWEETS: So, what? I should just go? I should just give up my career and my life and my friends and my practice, and go to Indonesia? HODGINS: Hey, I'm about to risk dismemberment just to impress my scary father-in-law. SWEETS: How are you going to get past the dogs? HODGINS: I don't know. SWEETS: How are you going to start the car? HODGINS: I don't know. SWEETS: How are you going to get the car through the gate? HODGINS: I don't know. SWEETS: How are you going to evade the angry bikers? HODGINS: Oh, I haven't got a clue. SWEETS: Okay, good plan. What do I do? HODGINS: Survive and tell the story of my love. SWEETS: This wall is high. HODGINS: Nah. No problemo. (He falls to the ground on the other side of the wall and groans.) SWEETS: Are you okay? What happened? HODGINS: Just gravity. SWEETS: Dogs at 3 o'clock. (The dogs attack, grabbing hold of Hodgins' boot and pulling it off. Sweets, trying to remedy the situation, starts to meow like a cat. It gets the dogs' attention and Hodgins is able to run toward the car, sans a boot. Sweets continues to distract the dogs and Hodgins opens the garage, turns around and is startled by his father-in-law standing there holding the keys.) HODGINS: Oh! A test? Really? You could have done this by yourself. ANGELA'S DAD: Oh, sure I could, but family's about doing things together. HODGINS: So you sicced dogs on me for nothing? ANGELA'S DAD: Well, not exactly, but we should really get going. HODGINS: Wow. For real? Okay, yeah. (Hodgins takes the keys and they get into the car, the ignition starts and he looks behind them to see some big biker guys walking toward them and shouting.) Uh... what do I do? ANGELA'S DAD: It's been my experience, if you drive at 'em, people clear out the way. HODGINS: (Tire squeal and the engine revs and he backs out of the garage. The men do indeed scatter, but they follow them toward the gate.) The gate! What about the gate? ANGELA'S DAD: It was built to keep people out. HODGINS: They are so gonna chase us. MAN: You ain't goin' nowhere now! Lock the gate! (Hodgins drives at the gate which opens. Sweets watches them pass, still yowling like a cat, then falls off the other side of the wall.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Bone Room. It's morning and Cam is walking toward the room carrying a cup of coffee. Brennan is in the room, still looking at the skull.) CAM: You been here all night? BRENNAN: Wha-- is it morning? CAM: Yes. BRENNAN: I've been here all night. CAM: You find anything new? BRENNAN: Yes. These marks weren't cause by a hatchet or a knife. The direction of force is opposite to the direction of impact. CAM: What would do that? BRENNAN: A propeller. CAM: So he walked into a plane? BRENNAN: No. A fan. The crime scene is full of fans. (She sighs and puts the skull down.) CAM: Are you really leaving the Jeffersonian? BRENNAN: Yes. For a year. I can provide you with a list of forensic anthropologists who can do this job. CAM: No, Dr. Brennan. You can provide me with a list of forensic anthropologists. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. (Cam looks sad and exits without another word.) (Cut to: Murphy's Apartment. Fans are being carted out in evidence bags by techs. Hodgins and Sweets are observing.) HODGINS: I think we got all the fans. I really am sorry about leaving you there. SWEETS: No problem. Mr. Adventure can take care of himself. Plus, Daisy rewarded me handsomely for my bravery. HODGINS: Oh, dude. SWEETS: Yes, I am the dude. HODGINS: Is she still going? SWEETS: Yeah. (They are standing in front of a bookshelf. A clock is blinking 4:47 and there are travel books on the shelves.) HODGINS: Um, Angela's program recognized this as the one area of the apartment that was the most cared for. SWEETS: These must have been an escape valve for him, images of a life outside of here where he wasn't tormented by his compulsion and agoraphobia. HODGINS: (Pulls a book off the shelf and takes out some pictures of Murphy and Elaine.) Hey. SWEETS: Hm? Oh. Hmmm. (Cut to: FBI Building; Interrogation Room. Brennan sits across from Elaine while Booth leans against a wall near the two-way mirror behind which Caroline and Sweets are standing. Brennan hands the photographs across the table to Elaine who is teary eyed.) BRENNAN: We found your fingerprints on the fan. ELAINE: I was in love with Tim. BOOTH: When was the last time you guys were together? ELAINE: Over a year. I thought if I could just get him out of that apartment, maybe if the sun hit his face, he would change and we could have a real life, so... so I pulled him to the window, and... and I ripped down the curtain, and he lost it. BOOTH: You two fought? ELAINE: Well, he attacked me, so I pushed the fan at him, and I ran away. But I didn't think I killed him. (Sniffles.) I loved him, but... there was nothing I could do. (In the other room, Caroline starts to walk out of the room.) CAROLINE: Well, that's that then. They're free to go. SWEETS: You don't think this success might make them change their minds? CAROLINE: You're a nice kid, but today is a good day for you to grow the hell up. (She exits.) (Cut to: Outside the Royal Diner. The car Hodgins helped retrieve is at the curb and Angela, Hodgins and Angela's Dad are standing there.) ANGELA: You're giving him the car? ANGELA'S DAD: Oh, no, honey. I'm giving him you. The car is just a little something to remember his new dad. Welcome to the family, son. (He shakes Hodgins' hand and kisses Angela on the cheek before walking away.) HODGINS: (Watching him go.) That is one weird, scary dude. ANGELA: Yeah. So, Brennan's going to Indonesia with Daisy. HODGINS: Not talking about that. (He opens the car door for Angela.) ANGELA: Well... (laughs) Sweets and Daisy--they're gonna break up. HODGINS: Not talking about that, either. ANGELA: Booth is going to Afghanistan. HODGINS: Not gonna touch that one. (He walks around the car and gets in on the driver's side.) ANGELA: You and I will be staying here. HODGINS: No. We... are not. ANGELA: Oh, really? And where are we going? HODGINS: Nous allons a Paris. ANGELA: Oh, for our honeymoon? HODGINS: No. For a year. Because I have no desire to break in a new forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent, do you? ANGELA: No. (Laughing.) I do not. Well, everything's changing, huh? HODGINS: Yeah. ANGELA: What do you think's gonna happen? HODGINS: Not sure. But I do know that we'll be together. (He kisses her.) Ready? ANGELA: Nnnhnn. (Cut to: The Airport. Everyone has come to see Daisy and Brennan off.) VOICEOVER: Flight 362 Jakarta will now depart from Gate E3. DAISY: Lancelot, do you hate me? SWEETS: No, Daisy. No. (He kisses her.) DAISY: Do you think you'll wait for me? That would be really romantic. SWEETS: I don't think so. I don't think you should wait for me, either. (Daisy nods.) CAM: I've really enjoyed working for you, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: In fact, Dr. Saroyan, I worked for you. CAM: We both know better. (She hugs her and then Hodgins steps up.) HODGINS: Okay, I made you this chart of all the poisonous reptiles and insects, what they look like, how to avoid them, and what to do if you get stung or bitten, so... BRENNAN: Thank you, Dr. Hodgins. I love you, too. HODGINS: Wow. BRENNAN: Booth informed me that proffering of overly solicitous advice is indicative of love. HODGINS: Wow. (He steps back and Angela steps forward.) BRENNAN: Angela. (She hugs her.) ANGELA: Hey, Sweetie. I hope you find something that just changes the entire notion of what it means to be human. BRENNAN: I will. VOICEOVER: Passengers on flight 362 to Jakarta needing assistance may now pre-board. DAISY: Dr. Brennan, we really have to go. BRENNAN: Yes. (Clears throat, then looks up as Booth enters. They look at each other, then Brennan walks toward Booth.) DAISY: Dr. Brennan? CAM: Oh, my God. BOOTH: Sorry. Couldn't get a pass. I had to sneak off the base to come say good-bye. Listen, Bones, you got to be really careful in that Indonesian jungle, okay? BRENNAN: Booth, in a week, you're going to a war zone. Please don't be a hero. Please just... don't be you. BOOTH: (He steps closer, then reaches out and clasps her hand.) One year from today, we meet at the reflecting pool on the mall. Right by the... BRENNAN: ...coffee cart. I know. One year from today. (They stare at each other for a moment, then Booth takes a step back and lets go of her hand. He turns and walks away. Brennan watches him go for second before she turns and walks the opposite direction herself. Booth stops and turns around and she glances back one more time, with tears in her eyes. Then Booth turns again and walks away, Brennan does the same.)	Plan: A: The team; Q: Who investigates the remains of a hoarder whose body fell through the floor to another apartment? A: a hoarder; Q: Whose body did the team investigate? A: major termite damage; Q: What caused the apartment to collapse? A: all his belongings; Q: What must the team sift through to determine the cause of death? A: Hodgins; Q: Who is asked to steal back a car from Angela's father? A: Angela's father; Q: Who asks Hodgins to steal back a car he lost at a card game? A: Billy Gibbons; Q: Who is Angela's father? A: Daisy; Q: Who is accepted to go to the Maluku Islands to study a full set of interspecies hominid remains? A: a crucial link; Q: What could Daisy's study of the remains be in the evolutionary chain? A: Sweets; Q: Who stays with Daisy at the airport? A: their goodbyes; Q: What do Sweets and Daisy say at the airport? A: the project; Q: What is Brennan accepted to take part in? A: Booth; Q: Who is contacted by the Army to return as a Sergeant Major? A: the Army; Q: Who wants Booth to return to Afghanistan? A: insurgents; Q: What does Booth train soldiers to apprehend? A: the Jeffersonian team; Q: Who makes decisions that will have them apart for a year? A: Paris; Q: Where do Angela and Hodgins travel to after they decide to leave the Jeffersonian team? A: Afghanistan; Q: Where does Booth go to train soldiers? Summary: The team investigate the remains of a hoarder whose body fell through the floor to another apartment when it collapsed due to major termite damage. They must sift through all his belongings to try to determine the cause of death. Hodgins is asked a favor from Angela's father ( Billy Gibbons ) to try to steal back a car he lost at a card game, although it just turns out to be a test to see if he would do it. Daisy is accepted to go to the Maluku Islands to study a full set of interspecies hominid remains that could be a crucial link in the evolutionary chain. She and Sweets discuss if he should go with her, as she will be gone for a year, but Sweets stays and they say their goodbyes at the airport. Brennan is also accepted to take part in the project, but is unsure if she wants to leave. Booth is contacted by the Army to return as a Sergeant Major to train soldiers in apprehending insurgents, but also is unsure if he wants to go. Later, the Jeffersonian team makes decisions that will have them apart for a year: Angela and Hodgins travel to Paris; Brennan and Daisy go to the Maluku Islands; and Booth goes to Afghanistan to train soldiers.
[ The apartment ] Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas. Howard: What a sick use of science. Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy. Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals. Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass. Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles. Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked. Raj: But half-man, half-owl could fly... Sheldon: The answer is cuddly soldiers with big flat noses. Moving on. Howard: So, Penny, when's the new job start? Penny: Next Monday. Bernadette: Did you get a chance to look over the materials I gave you? Penny: Uh, not yet, but I will. Bernadette: Great. When? Penny: I said I'll get to it. Sheldon: I'm sensing awkwardness, am I right? Amy: Yes. Sheldon: Swish. Bernadette: I don't want to be pushy, but you've never done pharmaceutical sales before. It seems like you could use this time to get a head start. Penny: Well, the first few weeks will be all training. They'll tell me everything I need to know. Bernadette: But imagine how impressed they'd be if you showed up already familiar with the material. Penny: Okay, so what, you want me to be like a teacher's pet? Bernadette: Couldn't hurt. Leonard: Mm, I don't know. Who here has ever been hurt because they were the teacher's pet? Sheldon: It was like the rest of the class wanted Ms. McDonald to forget the quiz. [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ We built the Wall ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] We built the pyramids [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] Bang! [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x02 ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Davis' office ] Sheldon: (knocking) Mrs. Davis. (knocking) Guess who? Mrs Davis: Dr. Cooper. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) That's right, good job. Hello. Uh, you wanted to see me? Mrs Davis: Yes. Uh, welcome back. Sheldon: Thank you. I assume you'd like to reopen our dialogue about the university forcing me to continue with string theory? Mrs Davis: You mean the dialogue that went, please, no, please, no, please, no. Sheldon: That's the one. I believe you went last, so, uh, please? Mrs Davis: Dr. Cooper, while you were away, we came up with a solution that would allow you to change your field of study. Sheldon: Wow. Pouting and running away actually worked. I must say, that may not be a lesson you want to reinforce with me. So, um, what is the solution? Mrs Davis: Currently, you're being paid under a grant to specifically research string theory. If we promote you to junior professor, you'll be able to choose whatever field of research you'd like. Sheldon: But if I'm a professor, then I'll have to teach a class. Mrs Davis: That is correct. Sheldon: So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money so that I can impart my knowledge to the next generation of scientists? Mrs Davis: Yes. Sheldon: You people are sick. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Amy's lab ] (knocks) Penny: Hey. Ready to go to lunch? Amy: Just give me a minute. I'm stimulating the pleasure cells of this starfish. I just need to turn it off. Penny: What happens if you don't? Amy: Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am. Is Bernadette meeting us at the restaurant? Penny: Uh, no. Actually, I didn't invite her. Amy: How come? Penny: Well, ever since she helped me get this job, she won't stop bugging me. Amy: Well, I think she just wants you to do well, and she's worried that you won't 'cause you were just a stunningly poor waitress. Penny: That is not true. Amy: I'm still waiting on my mini corndogs from two years ago. Penny: I told you, they'll be right out. Amy: Okay, so no Bernadette. Penny: Well, you saw her the other night. Am I wrong? Amy: No, I just, I feel kind of uncomfortable talking about her like this. Usually when someone's being talked about behind their back, it's me and it's right in front of my face. Penny: I'm sorry. I just need a little break from her. Amy: I understand. You know, there is some research that indicates that sharing negative attitudes about a third party can be a powerful bonding force between two friends. Penny: So, what are you saying? Amy: I'm saying, in the spirit of science, what is that little skank's problem? [SCENE_BREAK] [ The cafeteria ] Raj: So, I've been trying to come up with a cute couple's nickname for me and Emily. What do you like better? Emippali or Koothrapemily? Howard: Why is it your last name and her first name? Raj: Oh, well, her last name is Sweeney, and something just didn't seem right about Koothrapeeney. Leonard: Hey, how'd it go with human resources? Sheldon: Awful. They're allowing me to move on from string theory, but they made me a junior professor and are requiring me to teach a class. Raj: I don't understand. Why is it bad that you have to teach? Sheldon: What a stupid question. Leonard: The kids are gonna love him. Sheldon: I can't believe I have to waste my time babysitting a bunch of grad students who probably think dark matter is what's in their diapers. Leonard: This might not be that bad. Uh, you like telling people they're wrong. Sheldon: Wrong, Just because I enjoyed that one doesn't mean I always do. Raj: You enjoy giving people grades. Sheldon: A valid point, but unoriginal. B-minus. Howard: And you love the sound of your own voice. Sheldon: Yeah, well, of course I do. Listen to it. It's like an earful of melted caramel. Leonard: Look, most importantly, this will let you move on and study dark matter. Sheldon: It is true that many of my heroes have taken students under their wings. Feynman, Einstein, Professor X. Humorously, in the case of Professor X, some of his students actually had wings. That's rich. I'll use that one to lighten the mood after my entire class fails the midterm. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Amy's lab ] Amy: Measuring starfish serotonin levels in response to one point two molar stimulation of pleasure cells. You like that, don't you? That's right, say my name. (Skype ringtone playing) Bernadette (on skype): Hey. Amy: Hey, what's going on? Bernadette: Not much. You want to get a drink later? Just the two of us? Amy: No Penny? Bernadette: Not tonight. I'm a little frustrated with her. Amy: Because you got her the job and you think she should be working harder to prepare for it? Bernadette: So it's not just me. You see it, too. Amy: I do, I see it. Bernadette: It's driving me crazy. Just this afternoon, I saw on Instagram that instead of studying, she went out to lunch and got a manicure. Amy: That's outrageous. Bernadette: I know. Amy: If she doesn't do well, this could reflect poorly on you. Bernadette: Exactly. Does she not realize it or does she not care? Amy: I don't know. The important thing is I am here for you so we can mutually disparage this unpleasing third party. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sheldon's classroom ] Leonard: Hey. We just wanted to see how your class was going. Where is everybody? Sheldon: There is no class. Howard: Did you send everyone to the principal's office already? Sheldon: No one signed up. Leonard: Well, that's not your fault. Sheldon: I called the department secretary to see what happened. Apparently, I have a reputation for being obnoxious. Leonard: What? Raj: Hey, Sheldon, I'm sorry. Sheldon: No, it's fine. Now I can devote all my time to dark matter. Raj: Aw, you brought cookies for everyone? Sheldon: Oh, yes. Fig Newtons. I was going to ask them which scientist both helped to develop calculus and had a famous cookie named after him? And then after someone said Newton, I was going to tell them they're wrong. The cookies are named after a town in Massachusetts. And then I'd throw the cookies away. Howard: Hey, what if I took your class? Sheldon: Why would you do that? Leonard: Yeah, why would you do that? Raj: What's wrong with you? Howard: I'm thinking about getting my doctorate, and he wants to teach. Why not? Sheldon: Oh, Howard. I appreciate the gesture, but this is a graduate-level physics class. I don't think you'd understand a single thing I was talking about. Raj: Ask why not again, I've got an answer. Howard: Sheldon, I'm more than smart enough to take your class. Sheldon: No. Howard: Yes. Sheldon: How would you determine the ground state of a quantum system with no exact solution? Howard: I would guess a wave-function and then vary its parameters until I found the lowest energy solution. Sheldon: Hmm. Do you know how to integrate X squared times E to the minus X, without looking it up? Howard: I'd use Feynman's trick, differentiate under the integral sign. Sheldon: Okay. Um, what is the correct interpretation of quantum mechanics? Howard: Since every interpretation gives exactly the same answer to every measurement, they are all equally correct. However, I know you believe in the Many Worlds Interpretation, so I'll say that. Now do you think I'm smart enough? Sheldon: No. Howard: Oh, come on. You might've gone to school for a couple more years than me, but guess what, engineers are just as smart as physicists. Sheldon: You take that back. Howard (mimicking Sheldon): No. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The stairwell ] Amy: So, after drinks with Bernadette, I get home, and Penny calls to complain about her. And then while I'm talking to Penny, I get a text from Bernadette. Sheldon: I am trying to prepare my lesson plan for Howard. Why are you telling me this? Amy: Because it's taken 15 years, but high school is finally awesome. I love them both, but I'm in the centre now, and I love that even more. Sheldon: Amy, please. I am trying to figure out a way to intellectually emasculate a dear friend of mine. Amy: But I'm just... Sheldon: Not now. Amy: You better watch that attitude, buddy. You're dating the popular girl now. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Leonard: Hmm. You're up late. Sheldon: Oh, I'm working on my lesson plan for Wolowitz. He is going to be so lost. Look at this section over here. Even I don't really understand it. Leonard: Sheldon, why are you doing this? Sheldon: I'm a teacher, Leonard. It's my job. Leonard: No, I mean, why are you going to so much trouble to prove that you're smarter than Wolowitz? Sheldon: Oh, it's no trouble, it's actually a pleasure. Leonard: You want to know what I think? I think the idea that someone could be as smart as you, or even smarter, scares the pants off you, and you can't deal with it. Sheldon: Interesting point. You're suggesting that I have emotional issues below my consciousness which drive my behaviour, thus causing me to lash out at anything or anyone that threatens my intellectual superiority. Leonard: Might be something to think about. Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard: Yeah. Sheldon: Howard's allergic to peanuts. How can I use that against him? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sheldon's classroom ] Howard: Hey. Sheldon: Okay, now that everyone's here, we can begin. Howard: Before we do, I just talked to Leonard. And if you're gonna spend all your time trying to belittle me by making this class unnecessarily hard, then I'm out. But if you're interested in making a sincere effort to be a good teacher, then I'm willing to give this a shot. Sheldon: I suppose that's a fair request. There's no reason we both can't benefit from this experience. Howard: Okay. Sheldon: Okay. Well, then, uh, first things first. Um, are you familiar with the Brachistochrone problem? Howard: I am. Sheldon: Good. And how it relates to the calculus of variations? Howard: It's an inverted cycloid. Sheldon: Wonderful. Now, what about Euler-Lagrange theorems? Howard: That's where I'm a little fuzzy. Sheldon: Ha! I knew it. All right. We have a lot of information to cover before your first test. Which, by the way, is in eight minutes. The good news is I'm grading on a curve, so you're pretty much guaranteed a C. Howard (singing): ♪ All I do is win, win, win no matter what. ♪ Sheldon: What are you doing? Howard (singing): ♪ Everybody hands go up, up and they stay there! ♪ Sheldon: What are you doing? Howard: If you're gonna be a crappy teacher, then I'm gonna be a crappy student. (Singing) ♪ Uh, uh, Ludacris going in on the verse. 'cause I never been defeated and I won't stop now... ♪ Sheldon: Will you stop it. This is a classroom. This is not American Bandstand. Howard: Okay. Sheldon: Now, where was I? Let's see. Oh, yes. Over here. You... What are you doing now? Howard: Making a straw. Sheldon: Why? Howard: So I can shoot you with a spitball. Sheldon: You're not going to do that, and I'll tell you why. This is an institution of higher learning, I am your professor, and you're going to treat me with the prop... You shot your spit in my mouth! Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I can do that again. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Amy's lab ] Amy (on phone): Hey, girlfriend. Can I get a what what? Penny: What? Amy: Close enough. Um, I was just calling to see what you were up tonight. Thought maybe we could hit up Color Me Mine, maybe sneak in some Pinot Greej. Whatevs. Penny: Uh, thanks, but I think I'm gonna stay in and go over the stuff Bernadette gave me. Amy: Oh. Oh, I hear you. Try and get that nag off your back, right? I mean, you're not a bicycle, why's she riding you like that? Penny: No, I think she was just trying to help. Plus, I really want to do well at this job. So... Amy: Okay, good luck. And call me later, you know, if you decide she's a bitch or something. Hey, girlfriend. Bernadette: Hey, Amy. Amy: Tonight. You, me, Color Me Mine. Maybe we sneak in some Pinot, make it Color Me Wine. Bernadette: That sounds fun, but I promised Penny I'd come by and help her study. Amy: Oh. Well, good luck getting her to do that. She's probably off getting another manicure. You remember when she did that? You remember? Bernadette: I was probably being too hard on her. We talked, we're good. Amy: Oh. Great. I'm happy for you guys. You know, when the two of you aren't getting along, it puts me in a really weird position. Bernadette: Well, don't worry, everything's back to normal. Amy: You mean, like, where she's nice to your face? Okay got it. Bye. Hey, boyfriend. Sheldon: Can't talk. Spitball. Probably gonna die. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Sheldon: Well? Leonard: Sheldon, I promise. Your uvula does not have an STD. Sheldon: Are you sure? It just doesn't feel as innocent as it used to. Howard: You reported me to human resources? Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth. Howard: Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy. Sheldon: I told you you weren't smart enough to take it. Howard: I'm smart enough, Sheldon. Asking me a bunch of questions about a topic I'm not familiar with doesn't prove anything. I could do the same to you. Sheldon: Yeah, try me. Howard: Okay. You enjoy making fun of engineering so much, how do you quantify the strength of materials? Sheldon: Young's modulus. Raj: Is that right? Howard: Yeah. Okay, how do you prevent eddy currents in a transformer? Sheldon: Laminate the core material. Leonard: Come on, give him a hard one. Howard: That was a hard one. All right. How does the flow rate in a pipe depend on its diameter? You don't know, do you? What's the matter, smart guy? Don't know Poiseuille's law? Sheldon (coughing): Thank goodness I got it. Now I can quit checking my stool. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Bernadette: Okay, what are the potential side effects for our erectile dysfunction drug? Penny: Headaches, dizziness and nausea. Bernadette: Yes. Penny: Those are also the side effects of having a 75-year-old man with an erection climb on top of you. Bernadette: Want to stop here? Penny: Uh, no. I can keep going. Bernadette: Nah, you got this. Let's go for a drink. I'll call Amy. Penny: Okay, good. She seemed like she really wanted to go out tonight. Amy (phone ringing, running down stairs from outside Penny's door): Hey, girl. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Leonard: Okay, next question, for the Butterfinger. How long is a galactic yea Raj: 250 million years. Leonard: Yes. (all cheering) Howard: Okay, this one is for a Cadbury Creme Egg. Sheldon: Oh! It's not even Easter time. This is crazy. Howard: Which Archimedean solid has 20 regular triangular faces, 30 square faces, 12 pentagonal faces, 60 vertices and 120 edges? All (together): The Rhombicosidodecahedron. (all cheering) Leonard: We are so smart. Raj: Why didn't girls like us in high school? Howard: Because we were awkward and weird and couldn't play sports! Leonard: Right again. (all cheering)	Plan: A: Sheldon; Q: Who is allowed to study what he wants in exchange for becoming a junior professor? A: his reputation; Q: Why does nobody sign up for Sheldon's class? A: Howard; Q: Who shoots a spitball into Sheldon's mouth? A: the class; Q: What did Howard drop after the incident with Sheldon? A: a doctorate; Q: What is Howard trying to get? A: physics; Q: What subject does Howard not understand? A: Human Resources; Q: Who did Howard report to for shooting a spitball into Sheldon's mouth? A: one; Q: How many difficult engineering questions does Sheldon not know? A: The men; Q: Who heals by celebrating their own genius? A: Bernadette; Q: Who feels Penny should start studying for her pharmaceutical job? A: Penny; Q: Who wants to wait to start studying for her pharmaceutical job? A: tension; Q: What does Bernadette and Penny's disagreement over Penny's training cause? A: Amy; Q: Who loves being in the middle of the two women? A: each one; Q: Who does Amy spend time with alone? A: friendship; Q: What bond does Amy have with Penny and Bernadette? A: Her good times; Q: What is short lived when Bernadette and Penny apologize to each other? A: her friends; Q: Who does Amy eavesdrop on to see if they are getting along? Summary: Sheldon is allowed to study what he wants in exchange for becoming a junior professor and teaching a class; he is not happy, and nobody signs up for his class because of his reputation. Howard decides to take the class to work on a doctorate, but Sheldon focuses on areas of physics that Howard does not understand to humiliate him. Howard gets him back by being a horrible student leading to an incident where he shoots a spitball into Sheldon's mouth, causing him to be reported to Human Resources. After dropping the class, Howard asks Sheldon engineering questions most of which Sheldon answers apart from one difficult one he is forced to admit he doesn't know. The men eventually heal by celebrating their own genius, and asking each other questions. Meanwhile, Bernadette feels Penny should start studying for her pharmaceutical job, but Penny wants to wait since she will undergo training anyway which leads to tension. Amy loves being in the middle, pretending to agree with both of them. Now she can spend time with each one alone, and increase her bond of friendship by trash talking about the other woman and feeling immensely popular. Her good times are short-lived when Bernadette and Penny study and apologize to each other, and Amy ends up eavesdropping on her friends to see if they are getting along.
Scene: The bathroom Sheldon: Leonard, are you in the shower? Leonard: I can't hear you, I'm in the shower. Sheldon: I asked if you were in the shower, but that's moot now. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Moot. Rendered unimportant by recent events. Leonard: I can't hear you, I'm in the shower. Sheldon: I have to skip the chitchat. Emergency. Leonard: What kind of emergency? Sheldon: Mathematical. 32-ounce banana smoothie, 16-ounce bladder. Leonard: You might not want to do that. Sheldon: I assure you I do. Leonard: Sheldon, I'm not alone in here. Sheldon: What? Priya: Hello, Sheldon. Sheldon: What are you doing in there? She can't be in here. Leonard: We were in here first, you can't be in here. Sheldon: According to the roommate agreement, paragraph nine, subsection B, the right to bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of force majeure. And believe me, I am experiencing a very majeure force. Sheldon: Come on, you can't wait two minutes? Priya: Oh, Leonard, let the man pee. Scene: Penny's door. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? Penny: What? Sheldon: Move. Move. Move! Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, you are officially charged with two violations of the roommate agreement. Do you waive reading of the charges? Leonard: Yeah, fine. Priya: Hang on. No, my client does not waive reading of the charges. Leonard: Oh. Cool. I've got a lawyer. And I've seen her naked. Priya: Proceed. Sheldon: Very well. Count the first, on or about the 28th day of April, the accused did knowingly and with malice aforethought deny access to the shared bathroom in a time of emergency, to wit, my back teeth were floating. Count the second, the accused exceeded the agreed upon occupancy of the shower, to wit, one, unless we are under attack by water-soluble aliens. Priya: Can I see the roommate agreement? Sheldon: Um, it's fairly technical. Priya: I think I can handle it. Leonard: Top of her class, Cambridge University. Licensed to practice law in three countries. And your face. Priya: All right, based on a cursory reading, it doesn't look like you have much of a case, Sheldon. Sheldon: Do so, do so. Priya: Oh, I'm afraid not. Section seven here, on the right to enter the bathroom in emergency situations, is not specific as to what constitutes an emergency. Sheldon: Oh, that's ridiculous. A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory. Priya: Is it? If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair, could he barge in while you were showering? Sheldon: Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair. He thinks because he's short nobody can see up there. Priya: My point is, Sheldon, the legal principle is ambiguity in a contract benefits the party that did not draft it, in this case, Leonard. So much for count one. Sheldon: But... Priya: There's no buts, Sheldon, that's how the law works. Leonard: Schooled! Priya: As for the shower capacity issue, I cite addendum J. When Sheldon showers second, any and all measures shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water. I believe this supercedes the occupancy issue. Leonard: Superceded! Sheldon: This isn't over. Leonard: No offence, but shower s*x with you is now the second best thing that's happened today. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Mmm, Greek food on pizza night? This is the most delightfully cruel thing we've done to Sheldon since we left that fake message from Stephen Hawking on his voice mail. Priya: Seriously? Howard (in Stephen Hawking voice): I wish to discuss your theories of black holes. Meet me at the Randy's Donut by the airport at 2:00 a.m. Sheldon: What is that you're eating? Tonight is pizza night. Leonard: I'd like to refer that to my attorney. Priya: According to what I see here, Thursday nights are Franconi's pizza night. Sheldon: Yes, and when Franconi's went out of business, we switched to Graziano's. Howard: That's interesting. Can you just switch restaurants like that, Priya? Priya: A good question, Howard. Turns out you can't. According to the document you drew up, Sheldon, the selection of a new takeout restaurant requires public hearings and a 60-day comment period. Were those criteria met? Sheldon: No. All: Opa! Sheldon: This is Greek food? Leonard, you hate Greek food. Leonard: Not as much as you. Sheldon: Fine. I'm nothing if not adaptable. Leonard: I got you the lamb kabob. Sheldon: Thank you. If you think about it, Greek food isn't that far from italian food. They share a spice palette. And what a civilization is the Greeks. They gave us science, democracy, and little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat. Scene: Penny's door. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? Penny: Hey. What's up? Sheldon: The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb. Congratulations. Pizza night will now be at your apartment. Order one. Penny: Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette for dinner. But you're welcome to tag along. Sheldon: A girls night? Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening talking about rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps. Penny: Okay, suit yourself. We'll probably be trashing Priya a little. Sheldon: Shotgun. Scene: A bar. Penny: Okay, I'd like to propose a toast to a wonderful girls night out. Amy: Fair warning, we can get ker-razy. Bernadette: Yeah. Last week we smoked cigars and pretended to be dragons. Sheldon: Really, Amy? Tobacco and alcohol? Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made by people having a good time? Amy: Why did you bring him? He's harshing my buzz. Penny: I felt sorry for him. Priya's giving him a hard time. Bernadette: Ooh, the Priya bashing's starting early. Yay! Okay, what's up with those pantsuits? Amy: I need some context. Penny: Pantsuits suck. Amy: And that opens her up To justifiable ridicule for wearing them. Good one, Bernadette. See? Ker-razy. Scene: The same, later. Bernadette: Whee-ee-ee! Amy: You smell like baby powder. Sheldon: It's talc. But as that's a primary ingredient of baby powder, I understand your confusion. Amy: Oh, I'm not confused at all. You're like a sexy toddler. Sheldon: I don't know how to process that. Bernadette: I do. Amy and Sheldon sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-S-S-I-N-G. Penny: That's too many S's for kissing. Bernadette: Not if they're doing it for a long time. Penny: Sheldon, have you ever kissed a girl? Sheldon: Other than my mother, my sister and my mee-maw, no. But in the interest of full disclosure, I was once on a bus and had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to an elderly nun who passed out from heat exhaustion. Every year I get a Christmas card from her, signed with far too many X's and O's. Bernadette: That doesn't count. Aren't you even a little curious? Penny: Yeah, you're a scientist, where is the curiosity? Amy: I'm available for experimentation. Sheldon: Thank you. Not necessary. We know everything there is to know about kissing. It requires 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. Amy: Oh, blah, blah, blah. Give me some sugar, bestie (kisses Penny). Sheldon: I'm certainly glad no one said they were curious about Aztec human sacrifice. Penny: Hey, I know, let's take Sheldon dancing. Bernadette: Oh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance. I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate. Sheldon: No, thank you, but for the record, I'm an excellent dancer. Proficient in the rumba, waltz and cha-cha. Amy: Really? Sheldon: I don't see why that's surprising. I excel at so many things. You've had my sourdough bread. Penny: Did you take dance lessons? Sheldon: Against my will. In the South, pre-adolescent children are forced through a process called cotillion, which indoctrinates them with all the social graces and dance skills needed to function in 18th century Vienna. Penny: Oh, we are so taking you dancing. Sheldon: No, you most certainly are not. Bernadette: Well, what does your cotillion training say is expected of a gentleman when three ladies ask him to escort them to a dance soiree? Sheldon: I saved a nun's life. Why am I being punished? Scene: A taxi. Penny: Take us to a place we can waltz. Taxi driver: Where you can what? Sheldon: Waltz. It's a social dance from Austria, choreographed to a three-four time signature. (Sings Blue Danube. The taxi driver says something into radio in Korean. The word "waltz" is included. Dispatcher replies also in Korean. Taxi driver sings Blue Danube. Dispatcher says "oh, waltz!" They speak Korean some more. ) Taxi Driver: Here we go. Amy (singing): I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it. Sheldon: What happened to you? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: A Korean ballroom dancing club. Sheldon and Amy are dancing. Penny: Shake it baby, shake it! Bernadette: Muy caliente, Sheldon! Elderly Korean Gentleman: Care to dance? Bernadette: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm engaged. Korean: How about you? Penny: Oh, what the hell. Ooh! Scene: Outside Amy's apartment. Amy: How come if we're the smart people, we don't do this every night? Sheldon: What's 16 times 14? Amy: My burps taste like cranberry juice. Sheldon: And there's your answer. Amy: Would you like to come in for a nightcap? Sheldon: If you're referring to the beverage, you know I don't drink. If you're referring to the hat you don while wearing a nightshirt and holding a candle, I have one. Amy: I have yoo-hoo. Sheldon: It's hard to say no to yoo-hoo. The name literally beckons. Amy: Make yourself comfortable. Sheldon: Thank you. Is someone smoking? Amy: Oh, that's just Ricky. Sheldon: You own a smoking monkey? Amy: Don't be silly. He's one of the animals in my department's nicotine addiction study. Sheldon: What's he doing here? Amy: I'm giving him emphysema. The least I can do is let him hang out and watch cable. Sheldon: Remarkable. Aren't you worried about secondhand smoke? Amy: A little. The real danger is him biting my face off while I'm sleeping. Sheldon: is he deliberately blowing smoke at me? Amy: Yeah. He's kind of an ass. Sheldon: Thank you. May I share something with you that's troubling me? Amy: Of course. What's rattling around that big bulbous brain of yours? Sheldon: Priya has essentially nullified my roommate agreement with Leonard, making life in the apartment very uncomfortable for me. Amy: And you want me to kill her? Done. Sheldon: No, of course not. Amy: I trained Ricky how to smoke. I can train him to shoot a poison dart. No jury would convict us 'cause people love monkeys. Sheldon: I understand the alcohol has stirred up whatever it is that makes girls go wild, but I really need to talk to smart Amy now. Amy: Excuse me. Have you considered that your intelligence might be the very thing causing your dilemma? Sheldon: No. Amy: What do you think Ricky over here would do if an interloper encroached on his territory? Sheldon: Well, when challenged, monkeys generally assert their dominance through chasing, assault and a stylized penile display. That's a little outside my comfort zone. Amy: You're being too literal. My point is, he would not meekly surrender to the rules, and neither should you. Sheldon: Are you suggesting I play dirty? Amy: Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Which brings me to our next order of business. (Kisses him) Sheldon: Fascinating. Amy: I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as a comment on what we just did. (Runs to bathroom and vomits) Sheldon (to Ricky): Who's to say you shouldn't be dissecting our brains? You really are an ass. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Morning, Sheldon. Sheldon: Oh, good, you're up. I've written a new and improved roommate agreement that benefits me greatly. I'd like you to sign it. Leonard: Why would I want to do that? Sheldon: Excellent question. Do you remember what happened to the alien, played by talented character actor Frank Gorshin, in the Star Trek episode Let That Be Your Last Battlefield? Leonard: Uh, Captain Kirk activated the self-destruct sequence and threatened to blow up the Enterpriseand kill them both unless he gave in? Sheldon: Affirmative. Computer, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Activate self-destruct sequence. Code 1-1-A-2-B. Female Voice: Self-destruct sequence activated. Leonard: What are you gonna do, Sheldon, blow up the apartment? Sheldon: That was my first thought, but all my cool stuff is here. Priya: So what happens when it counts down? Sheldon: Unless Leonard signs the new agreement in the next 41 seconds, this computer will send an e-mail to your parents in India saying that you're in a secret relationship with the whiter-than-marshmallow-fluff Leonard Hofstadter. Priya: Oh, my God. Leonard: What's the big deal? Priya: Trust me, it's a big deal. Leonard: They're gonna find out about me eventually, right? Priya: Yeah, of course, just not today. Sheldon: 20 seconds. Leonard: Are you ashamed of me? Priya: Of course not. Leonard: Then why can't we tell your parents? Priya: Please, don't push this. Sheldon: He does that all the time, doesn't he? 15. Priya: Okay, fine, Sheldon, you win. Turn it off. Leonard: No, he's bluffing. Sheldon: I never bluff. Ten. Leonard: It's blackmail! Sheldon: Nine. Priya: We give up. Sheldon: Eight. Leonard: This is ridiculous. (Pulls out plug) Sheldon: It's a laptop with a full charge. Honestly, what do you see in him? Priya: Give him what he wants or we're done. Sheldon: Three. Leonard: Really? Sheldon: Two. Leonard: Okay, I'll sign it! Female Voice: Self-destruct sequence aborted. Sheldon: You may have gone to Cambridge, but I'm an honorary graduate of Starfleet academy. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is at his laptop. Sheldon: Good morning, Amy. Amy: It most assuredly is not. Sheldon: Are you experiencing dehydration, headache, nausea and shame? Amy: Yes. I also found a Korean man's business card tucked into my cleavage. What happened last night? Sheldon: Ah, memory impairment, the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle. Amy: Sheldon? Sheldon: All right. Last night you gave me some excellent advice regarding my problem here at home, you kissed me and then vomited on and off for 40 minutes, following which you passed out on your bathroom floor. I then folded a towel under your head as a pillow, set your oven clock to the correct time because it was driving me crazy, and I left. Amy: Okay. Don't really know where we go from here. Sheldon: I suggest we treat our relationship as if it were a crashed computer and restore it to the last point we both agree it worked. Amy: Terrific. Thank you. (Noise of Ricky in background) They were out of menthols! Get off my back! Not easy living with a temperamental little primate. Leonard (off): Come on, Priya, just admit I embarrass you! Sheldon: You're preaching to the choir, sister.	Plan: A: Priya; Q: Who uses her legal skills to nullify the charges against Leonard? A: two violations; Q: How many violations of the roommate agreement did Leonard get charged with? A: access; Q: What did Leonard deny Sheldon when he had to use the bathroom? A: Sheldon; Q: Who blackmails Leonard into signing a revised roommate agreement? A: the shower; Q: What was Leonard not the only person in? A: the guys; Q: Who takes advantage of Priya's skills to eat Greek food? A: pizza night; Q: What night does Sheldon seek shelter at Penny's? A: Amy; Q: Who tells Sheldon to fight dirty against Priya? A: cotillions; Q: Where did Sheldon learn to dance as a child? A: Sheldon dancing; Q: What do the girls decide to take Sheldon to do? A: dancing; Q: What does Amy and Bernadette take Sheldon to do after he mentions he learned to do at cotillions? A: a drunken Amy; Q: Who does Sheldon take back to Penny's apartment after dancing? A: her bathroom; Q: Where does Amy go to vomit after kissing Sheldon? A: The next day; Q: When does Sheldon blackmail Leonard into signing a revised roommate agreement? A: her dating Leonard; Q: What does Sheldon threaten to send an e-mail to Priya's parents about? A: non-Indian; Q: What race is Leonard? A: their relationship; Q: What does Priya insist Leonard sign or what is over? Summary: When Leonard takes a shower with Priya, he gets charged with two violations of the roommate agreement: Leonard denied access to the bathroom when Sheldon had to urinate and Leonard was not the only person in the shower. However, Priya uses her legal skills to nullify the charges. When the guys take advantage of Priya's skills in order to eat Greek food, which Sheldon does not like at all, on pizza night, Sheldon seeks shelter at Penny's, who invites him to join her on a girls' night out with Amy and Bernadette badmouthing Priya. After the girls have some cocktails and Sheldon mentions he had learned to dance at cotillions as a child, they decide to take Sheldon dancing. After dancing, Sheldon takes a drunken Amy back to her apartment. Amy tells Sheldon to fight dirty against Priya. She then proceeds to kiss him and then rushes to her bathroom to vomit. The next day, Sheldon blackmails Leonard into signing a revised roommate agreement. If he refuses, Sheldon will send an e-mail to Priya's parents about her dating Leonard (a non-Indian). Priya insists that he sign or their relationship is over. He signs.
ACT ONE Scene One - KACL FADE IN Frasier is in the producer's booth with Roz. Gil is on the air. Gil: And so, in the opinion of this critic, Mickey's Good Time Tavern is anything but. Dismal decor, perfunctory service, and cuisine which is only marginally preferable to hunger. [He waves to Frasier.] And finally, on a sadder note, after fifty-three years in the same location, Orsini's is closing its doors. And so tonight, a sad adieu to the grande dame of Seattle restaurants. Roz: [aside to Frasier] I thought HE was the grande dame of Seattle restaurants. Frasier swallows a laugh and bats her shoulder in mock reproof. Gil: Until next time, this is Gil Chesterton saying bon appetite, buon appatito and nifty noshing. He goes off the air. Frasier and Roz come into the booth. Roz: Gil, why is Orsini's closing? Gil: Well, the owner's getting old, he wants to sell. And just between us, I'm afraid Orsini's a bit like wine that's stayed too long in the cellar. It retains only memories of its former glory. Frasier: Not comping your check anymore? Gil: Not for months now. [He leaves.] Frasier: You know, Orsini's used to be my favorite restaurant. You ever been there, Roz? Roz: Are you kidding? My typical date's idea of a gourmet evening is take out, make out, and home by Letterman. Niles enters holding something in a bag. Niles: Knock knock! Frasier: Hello, Niles. It's not really a good time for a visit, show starts in two minutes. Niles: Just enough time to show you the John Steinbeck first edition I bought at the rare book fair. [takes the book out of the bag and shows him] "Saint Katy the Virgin" in like-new condition. Frasier: Yes, well, she'd have to be, wouldn't she? Niles: It's quite a charming book, really. It's a shame more people haven't read it. Roz: Oh, let's see. Niles: Don't touch! The smallest smudge decreases its value. Frasier: Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors. Niles: Roz, you're moving. Roz glares at him, then plucks the book from his hands and licks the back cover. He is stunned and wipes it off with his handkerchief. She goes back to her booth. Frasier: No, Niles. Orsini's is closing. Niles: Oh, it can't be. It's part of Crane history. Grandfather took me there for my eighth birthday. Roz comes in to drop some papers on Frasier's desk, Niles hides the book in his jacket. Frasier: Thank you, Roz. Niles: Childhood memories, so vivid. Wearing paper hats, singing Happy Birthday, sending back the Veal Prince Orlov. Roz: Thirty seconds, Frasier. Frasier: Thank you, Roz. Niles, tonight let's go to Orsini's for one glorious farewell dinner. Niles: Why not? I'll make the reservations. We'll take Dad and Daphne. Frasier: Great. Will Maris be joining us? Niles: Ohhh... sadly, no. She had a bad experience there one Christmas Eve. An Italian soccer team was sitting at the next table, Maris announced she was in the mood for a goose, and - perhaps inevitably - tragedy ensued. He leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] LE FRERES HEUREUX Scene Two - Orsini's [SCENE_BREAK] The restaurant is very fancy, but almost completely empty. Martin, Daphne, Frasier and Niles enter down the staircase. Frasier: What has happened to this place? Niles: I know. It's like running into a movie star you worshipped as a child, only time has left her hair brittle, her eyes sunken and dull, her skin waxy and sallow... Martin: Well, I got quite an appetite. How 'bout you, Daph? They approach the Maitre D'. Maitre D': Yes, sir. Do you have a reservation? Frasier: Yes, the name is Crane, for four. Despite the near-emptiness of the place, the Maitre D' makes a show of checking his book. Maitre D': Ah, table nine seems to be free. Right this way sir, your waiter will be with you in a moment. He leads them to their seats. Frasier: [holding Daphne's chair] Thank you. Over here, Daph. Daphne: Oh, thank you. Niles notices an elderly waiter crossing the room. Niles: Dad, Frasier, isn't that Otto? Frasier: Oh my God, I believe it is. You know, Otto is legendary here. He's been with them forever, he never writes a single thing down, he keeps it all in his head. [calling out] Otto! Otto: Oh, coming up. [He hands Frasier a folder.] Your check, sir. Frasier: No, no. Wrong table. We would like menus, please. Otto: Sorry. I hate it when we get crowded. Martin: I'm goin' to the john. Order me a beer. Frasier: Oh gee, Dad, for a moment there, I thought you were going to surprise me and order a glass of wine. Martin: Oh yeah, for a moment there I thought you were gonna surprise me and button your yap. He goes off. Frasier: I'd order him the crab cocktail, but I'm afraid the irony would be lost on him. Niles: The owner's going to have his hands full trying to find a buyer for this place. Frasier: Yes, alas. I'm afraid we've found one old relic who's time has come to be put out of his misery. [Otto has come back and looks worried at this.] Oh no, Otto, I didn't mean you. Otto: Your menus, sir. He hands them out, they all say "Thank you." Otto holds up Martin's menu questioningly. Niles: It's all right. He's in the men's room. Otto nods and heads that way. Frasier: No, no, leave it here. Daphne: Why are Americans always in such an almighty rush to tear things down? At home, we treasure our antiquities but you people just can't wait to bring in the bulldozers. Niles: You know, I'm inclined to agree with Daphne. Frasier: I'll try to contain my amazement. Daphne: It would be a crime to lose a landmark like this. I mean, look at it. It's well built, good structure. Niles: It does have good bones. It's in a very good location. Frasier: Excellent location. If they only had valet parking... Niles: If they just took down those awful curtains... Frasier: Knocked out these pillars... Frasier and Niles stop and look at each other with growing smiles. Frasier: You know, I've always dreamed of owning a four-star restaurant. Niles: What growing boy hasn't? Frasier: Of course, we'd need a new chef. Niles: I happen to know the chef at Emilio's is very unhappy. Frasier: Of course, everyone knows that. The man's scongili is a cry for help. Martin comes back and sits down. Niles: Frasier, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Frasier: I'm picking out china and sandblasting the wine cave! Daphne: Owning a restaurant is hard work. If you don't scald yourself or lop off a finger with a cleaver, you spend your whole time gagging at grease fires, killing rats and brawling with labor racketeers. [off their shocked expressions] My auntie had a little tea room. Martin: Wait a minute! Don't tell me you two are seriously considering doing a dumb-ass, idiotic thing like buying this place? Frasier: With all due respect, Dad, we are not exactly neophytes in this field. We know food, we know wine... Niles: Lord knows we have style, taste and refinement... Martin: You see, that's what always gets you guys in trouble. You don't think about the hard work or the long hours. No, to you, owning a restaurant is just wearing fancy clothes, hobnobbing with your friends and turning your enemies away at the door. Niles: [excited] I hadn't even thought about that! Martin: Look, when I was a cop walkin' the beat, there was this one restaurant on the corner. In ten years, it must have changed hands twenty times. First it was Ling Fun's Lichi Palace, then it was Tony's Meatball Hutch, then it was A Little Taste of Yorkshire - English food. Huh, big surprise, that lasted about five minutes. Daphne is not amused. Niles: You know, Frasier, Dad has a point. A lot of people have lost a lot of money in this business for one reason: they picked the wrong name. Martin gives Niles a dark look. Frasier: True, Niles, but I've got something very special. I was thinking about this while Dad was talking. Martin gives Frasier a darker look. Frasier: "Maison Crane." [then] Oh, God, you're right, it's a little too obvious. Niles: We want our name to be inviting and welcoming. Oh, oh, what's the word for "lighthearted" in French? Frasier: [thinking a moment] There isn't one. I've got it, Niles, I've got it! Le Freres Heureux. Niles: "The Happy Brothers"... Brilliant! It's homey, but just hard enough to pronounce to intimidate the riff-raff! Frasier: Yes! We'll make the place very, very exclusive! No sign on the outside, no advertisements and oh, an unlisted number! Martin: Hey, well don't stop there! Maybe you could post some guards on the roof who can shoot people as they try to get in. [Daphne laughs.] Frasier: Never mind him. I believe, Niles. Do you believe? Niles: I believe. Otto comes back. Otto: Have you decided what you'd like? Frasier: Yes. I'd like the whole damn place! Right from the wine cellar to the rafters! Otto: And for the lady? DISSOLVE TO: opening night at Le Freres Heureux. All the tables are packed with elegant couples and parties. Niles comes from the kitchen in a tuxedo and joins Frasier, similarly attired, to gaze in pride over the redecorated restaurant. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO NO EELS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS EPISODE Scene One - Le Freres Heureux [SCENE_BREAK] The same scene. Niles: We're a hit, a palpable hit. Every table in the place is full. Except for that tiny one, wedged in that horrible dank little corner next to the men's room. Frasier: No, no, no, Niles. That is not a dank little corner next to the men's room. That is the "Enchanted Grotto." Niles: I've been getting nothing but compliments. Frasier: Yes, Chef Maurice has really outdone himself. The menu simply cannot be improved upon. Niles: [tasting a dish] I agree. Mmm, unless it would be to add just a soupçon of brandy to the cherries jubilee? Frasier: [tasting] Mmm. Yes, yes. I want those cherries to be jubilant. Niles adds brandy to the cherries as Frasier walks over to Martin and Daphne. Frasier: Daphne, Dad, everything all right here? Daphne: Oh yes, Dr. Crane. Whatever this anguille is, it's perfectly smashing! Frasier: It's our chef's specialty. The man can do things with eels you just wouldn't believe! Martin: I arrested a guy for that once. Daphne: You and your brother really pulled it off, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Yes, well, sorry to disappoint you Dad, but the restaurant is a success. By tomorrow we'll be the toast of Seattle. Martin just shakes his head as Frasier walks away. As he passes the cherries jubilee, he stops and adds more brandy. CUT TO: the kitchen. The sous-chef is puttering around a large aquarium tank. Niles hovers behind him. Niles: What's in there? Sous-Chef: [holding up an eel] Anguille. Niles: Dear God! Sous-Chef: It's Maurice's specialty. He prefers to kill them to order, then serve them with their heads still on. Niles: Thank God his specialty isn't roast beef. He turns to Maurice, who is measuring out soufflés into ramekins. Niles: Are those the soufflés for table nine, Maurice? Maurice: I'm just about to bake them. Niles: I know it's not my place to second guess your presentation, but would you be averse to trying something radical? Maurice: [suspicious] What? Niles: Well, instead of individual soufflés, bake one large soufflé and dish the portions out at the table. When people hear the name Niles Crane, I want them to think "Big souffle." Maurice: As you wish. Niles heads out to the dining room. He is met by a waiter. Waiter: There's a party at the door without a tie or a reservation. Niles: Leave them to me. He goes to the stairs to find Bulldog and a young lady there. Bulldog: Hey, Miles, baby! Niles: Good evening, Mr. Briscoe. May I help you? Bulldog: [indicating the girl] Does it look like I need help tonight? Niles: Do you have a reservation? Bulldog: Okay, okay, I know what you're sniffin' around for. These guys are all alike. Mr. Lincoln wonders if you've got a table for the Bulldog and his lady. He stuffs a five in Niles's pocket. Niles: Well, Mr. Lincoln's in luck. [to waiter] Please, seat these people in "The Enchanted Grotto." Frasier: Niles, the Grotto? Oh, Bulldog, enjoy our finest table. Bulldog: There, you see that? Little flash of green and you get anything you want. But look who I'm telling. Frasier heads to the kitchen as Niles adds more brandy to the cherries. CUT TO: the kitchen as Frasier enters. Frasier: Um, Maurice? It's not to second-guess your creativity, but... [Maurice glares at him.] I thought we agreed that we would serve the soufflés in individual cups. Maurice: But I was asked to change. Frasier: Change on opening night? Good lord, no, no. Start pouring, man. He goes back to the dining room as Maurice pours. Frasier: Dad, Daphne, if you're almost finished, I can call for your car. Daphne: You know, your parking attendant looked familiar. Frasier: It was Otto, the waiter. Didn't have the heart to let him go, so... [He pulls out a walkie-talkie] Hello, Otto? Otto: [from radio] Who is this? Frasier: [patiently] Dr. Crane, Otto. Please bring up car forty-four, please. Thank you. [to Martin and Daphne] Little innovation of mine. This way, your car will be waiting when you're finished. Frasier heads for the kitchen, but stops to add some brandy to the cherries. CUT TO: the kitchen where Niles spots Maurice with the soufflés. Niles: Maurice, I thought we agreed, one large bowl for the soufflé. Maurice: This is crazy! This is my kitchen! Niles: Well, it's in my restaurant, so one big bowl, chop chop! [to a waiter] And you, you, you! Table twelve is still waiting for their entrée. Don't force me to send them complimentary zucchini. Niles turns to enter the dining room, but the door stops with a thump. Waiter: Uh, that's the "In" door, sir. Niles: Good lord, I wonder what I hit. CUT TO: the dining room. A waiter is laid out in front of the doors, the bartender rushes over. Bartender: What happened? Frasier: I think this man must've fainted. Here, help me get him into the kitchen. They pick the man up and start to carry him, but Frasier hits the wrong door which stops with a thump. Bartender: That's the "Out" door! Frasier: Well, no harm done. CUT TO: the kitchen as they carry the unconscious waiter in. The waiter from the kitchen is holding his bleeding nose. Niles: Good lord, I think his nose is broken. Sous-Chef: What should we do? Niles: Well for one thing, start ladling out zucchini. Sous-Chef: That one's out cold. Bartender: Give me a hand, I'll take them both to the emergency room. Frasier: Yes, that's a good idea. Please help this man. The bartender exits carrying the unconscious waiter, while the other waiter is helped out by one of the kitchen staff. Niles: [with rising panic] Frasier, true to our name I'm trying to remain a happy brother, but do you find it just the tiniest bit discouraging that suddenly we find ourselves with neither waiters nor a bartender?! Frasier: First rule of the kitchen, Niles: remain calm. He notices Maurice and the soufflés. Frasier: NO, NO, NO! I told you individual cups, you oaf! Niles: I told him one large bowl. Frasier: Are you out of your mind?! You told him what? They start bickering. Maurice takes off his apron and hat and heads for the door. They plead with him to stop, but he is gone. Niles: Oh, fine, now what? Frasier: Simple. We'll just make a battlefield promotion. He hands Maurice's hat to the sous-chef. Frasier: Congratulations! You are our new head chef. Sous-Chef: Sank you. Frasier: Now make us proud! We've got a lot of very important clientele out there. Niles: Yes, the Governor's table alone has two state senators and the head of the Immigration Bureau. Sous-Chef: Sacre Merde! At the words "immigration bureau" the Sous-Chef and everyone in the kitchen runs out the back. Frasier: Any other names you'd like to drop? Niles: Fine, now we have no chef! Frasier picks up the chef's hat and looks at Niles. Niles: No... No... Put the hat down! No, no... Frasier: [puts it on Niles's head] You are our new head chef. Niles: Don't be absurd, I can't possibly cook all this food! Frasier: Oh, of course you can, Niles. My God, most of the meals are already started. Dad and Daphne can help us out. [into the walkie-talkie] Otto, cancel car number forty-four. Otto: Who is this? Frasier: It's Dr. Crane! It's always Dr. Crane, I'm the only one on here! Frasier runs out and catches Martin and Daphne as they are about to head out. Frasier: Dad, Daphne, we need your help, we've had a little disaster. Martin: [loudly] Disaster?! Frasier: Will you...! The entire staff has walked out, it's a long story, but Daphne, I need you in the kitchen; and I need you behind the bar, Dad. [off Martin's look] You can gloat later. Martin: I'll pencil it in. Daphne: Well, it won't be the first time I've had to wash dishes for my supper, but who's going to wait on all these tables? Behind them, Roz arrives with her date. Roz: Oh, Frasier... Frasier: [kissing her on the cheeks] Roz! Roz! Roz! Oh, Roz! Roz: I'm glad to see you too. Frasier, this is my date, Brad. Frasier: Brad, pleasure. Roz: Pretty great, huh? Frasier: Oh, yes, yes. Roz: So, you've got our special table? Frasier: Yes, I certainly have. But before you sit at it, there's something I want to discuss with you. [He leads her to the kitchen.] Roz: It's probably some kind of surprise. Frasier: Oh, try to fool you... Brad sits at the bar. Martin: What's your poison? Brad: Oh, I don't know. Maybe I should wait for Roz. Martin: I'd have one now. Roz storms out of the kitchen, followed by a hushing Frasier. Roz: Blackmailer! She goes over to Brad. Roz: Honey? Listen, I'm really, really sorry, but Frasier's a dear friend and his waiters have had a terrible accident and this is his grand opening and he really, really needs my help so I hope you'll try to understand. Brad: No problem. Listen, could I get a menu and maybe some bread and butter? Roz grits her teeth and goes back to the kitchen. Frasier approaches Martin. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier: Dad... Martin: [grinning] Hey, buddy. You from around here? How 'bout those Supersonics? Frasier: Listen, Niles is starting to panic in the kitchen. I don't know if we're going to be able to pull this thing off. Martin: Why don't you just level with them? Tell 'em what happened. People are more understanding than you think. Frasier: Well, maybe you're right. Maybe honesty is the best policy. Everyone? Excuse me. Ladies and gentlemen, I would just like to say... Gil: [entering with a party] Good evening, Frasier. Frasier: Bon appetite! Gil! Gil, my God, what a surprise to see you. I thought you never reviewed opening night. Gil: You're my friend. I made an exception. And as a special surprise, I brought an entire table of restaurant critics. Frasier: Oh, well, that's... We're so booked up I don't know if we can accommodate you. Gil: Oh, we'll take that one over there. We don't mind squeezing in. They seat themselves. Gil: We're simply salivating to try your anguille. We hear your chef's an absolute wizard with eels. Frasier: Well, that was his old specialty. You really must try his new specialty: scrambled eggs. [Gil gives him a very dry look] Eels it is. CUT TO: the kitchen. Niles and Daphne are frantically making dishes. Roz comes in. Roz: Okay, table four wants to make some changes: they want the sole beranica without the grapes. [Daphne begins flicking off the grapes.] Spinach instead of broccoli and risotto instead of pasta. They also want the swordfish but hold the capers... Daphne: Oh, for heaven's sakes, can't you just tell them no substitutions? Roz: I have trouble saying no. Niles: So the guidebooks tell us. Roz: You want to get thrown in the tank with the rest of the eels? Daphne: Well, you're not making this very easy. You waltz in here, queen of the waitresses, la-di-da, extra broccoli, hold the capers, and then you go back out on the fun side of the door. Roz: You want to trade places with me, Mary Poppins? Be my guest! Niles: How dare you use that tone with her! They begin yelling at each other. Just as Daphne threatens Roz with her fists, and Roz motions her to bring it on, Frasier comes in and slams a hand onto a counter. Frasier: ALL RIGHT, STOP IT! [they shut up] Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes. Now quick, Niles, kill five eels! He starts to exit, as Roz sullenly grabs two plates and carries them out. Niles: Wait, wait! [Frasier stops] What?! Frasier: I'm serious! Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there and they all want anguille, so start killing eels! Niles: Wait, wait! How do you suggest I do that? Frasier: How do I know? You're the chef. Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care! He heads back to the dining room, as Roz re-enters and grabs two more plates. Frasier: Not to worry, Gil, the eels are on their way. Gil: Our mouths are watering, Frasier. Frasier: Our chef is in the process of... The lights flicker, a humming sound is heard from the kitchen. Frasier: ...frying them now. Frasier heads towards the kitchen, but is stopped by a customer. Customer: Excuse me. This is veal piccata, I ordered veal marsala. Frasier: So it is. I'll rectify that at once. I'll be right back. He takes the plate and goes to the kitchen. Niles is working on the meals, Daphne is at the sink. Frasier: Niles, this veal piccata has to be veal marsala! He hands the plate to Niles who picks up the veal with his tongs and flings it over his shoulder. Daphne snatches it from the air and rinses it off under the spray nozzle. Niles wipes the plate clean and holds it out while getting a dipper of sauce. Daphne tosses the washed-off veal onto the plate, Niles covers it with sauce and hands it back to Frasier who grabs some garnish from a bowl and sprinkles it on top. All this is done in less time than it takes you to read it. Niles: Now it is. Roz comes in. Roz: The mayor's table all want cherries jubilee for dessert. Frasier: All right, fine. You flame them, I'll be out to serve them. He tosses a box of matches at Roz. She makes no effort to catch them and they sail through the door, which she lets close behind her. Still holding the plate, Frasier turns to Niles, who is standing at the tank. Frasier: Niles, how are those eels coming? Niles: I'm just trimming them now. [hacks at the water with a cleaver] Frasier: Oh no, Niles! Take them out of the tank! Niles: Not until I'm sure they're dead! [keeps hacking] Daphne: Oh, for heaven's sakes! Daphne throws down her wash cloth, marches over to the tank, reaches in, grabs an eel, and, in a wild overhand swing, smashes it against the cook's table. She then hands the eel to a shocked Niles. Suddenly there is a flash of light and a whump sound from the dining room, the doors swing inward and a billow of smoke curls into the kitchen. Frasier: What was that? Roz comes in. Her hair is blown back, her face is covered in soot, her dress is stained red. Roz: [in a shell-shocked voice] Big blue flash... cherries everywhere... Daphne: Lucky it didn't set off the sprinkler system. Frasier: Yes, fortunately we have a built-in safety delay for just this sort of thing. It gives you fifteen seconds before the sprinklers... [The sprinklers kick in.] ...kick in. Daphne: Where do I turn that off? Frasier: Right over there. Niles: I hope you're satisfied! You've thinned my brown sauce! Daphne shuts off the sprinklers. Frasier reenters the dining room. Everyone is soaked and getting up to leave. Frasier: Good news! That was just a test! The veal customer comes up and mashes a ticket against his chest. Customer: I want my car, now! Frasier: Yes, ma'am, right away. [He grabs the radio.] Quick, Otto, bring car twenty-three right away. Otto: [v.o.] Who is this? Frasier: It's the voice of God! As the guests angrily file out the door, Bulldog appears, standing on a chair. Bulldog: Hey Doc, Doc. Great touch with the sprinklers! My date's dress is clinging to her like Saran Wrap! Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, every restaurant has its little adjustment period. I'm sure someday you'll look back on this and remember it as an adventure! Gil: And if they don't remember it, I'll remind them. Frasier: Now for those of you who are leaving, please keep us in mind for your next special occasion. We plan many new and exciting innovations in the weeks to come. A car smashes through the wall, scattering the screaming guests. Frasier: Starting with our... our drive-through window. As the final guests stampede out the door, Otto sticks his head out the car window. Otto: Number twenty-three is ready. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Le Freres Heureux [SCENE_BREAK] The room is deserted, the car is still in the wall, there is water everywhere, and angry red stains on the walls. We pan across to where Niles is sitting, staring at the ceiling. Frasier is sitting next to him, eating the remains of a cherries jubilee. Niles: How much firepower do you suppose is necessary to imbed a cherry in an acoustic ceiling tile? Frasier: [glancing up] Another question we should have asked ourselves before we entered the exciting world of food service. Martin enters from the kitchen. Martin: Man, those eels are starting to stink. Niles: Dad, for an hour you've been circling us like a shark. Why don't you just give us your little speech and get on with it? Martin: Hey, come on, I know you guys. You're gonna punish yourselves enough without me chimin' in. Frasier: Thanks. Niles: Appreciate it. Martin: Hey, I'm your dad. The phone rings, he answers it. Martin: Hello, Happy Brothers Restaurant. Table for two? Yeah, no problem. Smoke-damaged or non-smoke-damaged? He laughs. Frasier: You know, we could tell people he died in the explosion. As Niles nods in agreement, we FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Bulldog comes from the back room, putting on his shirt. He has a lipstick stain on his forehead. He stares around the ruined restaurant, collects wine from several glasses into one, puts a flower in his waistband and heads back.	Plan: A: Seattle's oldest restaurant; Q: What restaurant was closing its doors when the brothers decided to buy it? A: restaurateurs; Q: What did the brothers decide to become after buying the restaurant? Summary: After the brothers hear that Seattle's oldest restaurant is closing its doors, they decide to buy it and become restaurateurs.
GILMORE MANSION - LIVING ROOM RICHARD: Lorelai couldn't have been more than, what, 8 or 10years old? But she was very definite about the whole thing. She looked me directly in the eye, and she said, "when I grow up, I'm going to marry Tip O'Neill." CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] RICHARD: I swear to you, I nearly had a heart attack. LORELAI: I liked the name "tip." I thought it was cute, like a puppy or a bunny. RICHARD: Anyway, I'm happy that you two got married, and quite relieved not to have had Tip O'Neill as a son-in-law. Here's to your marriage -- our heartfelt congratulations. We also got you a little gift. LORELAI: Oh, yes, which is crying out to be opened. RICHARD: It's just a little token to commemorate the occasion. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. LORELAI: Thank you. I love the look of this wrapping paper. RICHARD: To the happy couple... LORELAI: Oh, well, not the time. RICHARD: ...To Lorelai and Christopher. RORY: Hear, hear! EMILY: To Lorelai and Christopher. LORELAI: Long may they live. Okay, time to open? EMILY: Yes, you may open your present. For heavens sakes you're like a dolphin at feeding time. LORELAI: [in shock at the gift which is a picture] Wow. I mean, d-- I -- it's -- it's like, "wow." EMILY: It's an etching by Kiki Smith. LORELAI: Oh it's extraordinary, this item. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. LORELAI: Wow, right? EMILY: It's called "Wolf Girl." RICHARD: Baldwin, our dealer, is a big fan of Kiki Smith. Apparently she's all the rage in New York. CHRISTOPHER: That was very generous of you. RICHARD: Oh it's our pleasure. All young couples should cultivate an art collection. LORELAI: Well, this is gonna start our collection off... with a bang. [Showing the picture] RORY: [Gasps] EMILY: I'm so happy you love it. We were flying blind without a gift registry. LORELAI: Well, you flew great, mom. EMILY: Of course I imagine it's difficult to have the forethought to register when you decide to suddenly elope. Everything changes when a couple elopes, doesn't it? Nothing is done in quite the traditional manner -- for instance, informing your parents of your marriage by leaving them a message on their answering machine. CHRISTOPHER: What? You told me you told them. LORELAI: I didn't say they were home when I told them. RORY: Mom, you're such a chicken. LORELAI: You left a message on their machine? RICHARD: She certainly did. EMILY: I come home, and I push "play" on the machine, and what do I hear between a message from Lily Margulies about her fund-raiser for Tanzanian children and one from my tennis pro, but my very own daughter telling me, guess what -- she's married. LORELAI: Mom, I'm sorry. I just... EMILY: Well why just talk about it? Why not share it? LORELAI: No, no! Hey, hey! [Emily presses play on the answering machine, Lorelai voice "Hey, just wanted you guys to know, Christopher and I are back from Paris. Gigi's all set. And, uh, we just ended up, uh...getting married. So, anyway, see you Friday. Bye!"] EMILY: Isn't that lovely? LORELAI: Mom, erase that, please. EMILY: I most certainly will not. Your father and I plan to treasure it forever. We're going to have it as a keepsake or a memento. "Remember when Lorelai told us she was married?" RICHARD: "Ah, yes, and what was it exactly that she said?" "I think it was something like this." [Playing the message again "Hey, just wanted you guys to know, Christopher and I are back from paris. Gigi's all set. And, uh, we just ended up, uh...getting married..."] OPENING CREDITS GILMORE MANSION - DINING ROOM CHRISTOPHER: The lamb is delicious, Emily. LORELAI: Look who's being Mr. "Favorite son-in-law happy smile face"? EMILY: I'm glad you're enjoying it Christopher. My butcher had it flown in from New Zealand. LORELAI: First class I hope. CHRISTOPHER: Well, the dinner is very nice. RORY: It is. RICHARD: It ought to be. We have cause to celebrate. EMILY: Yes we do speaking of which, we have decided that we would like to throw you two a wedding party. LORELAI: Oh, that's very sweet. CHRISTOPHER: Very sweet. LORELAI: Very sweet mum, but you know what -- it's totally unnecessary. Look you already gave us "wolf girl," which, I mean, ah? How do you top that? RICHARD: We insist. LORELAI: Dad we're already married. Isn't it too late? EMILY: No but soon it will be. We need to get on this right away. RICHARD: We don't want it to look as if there's anything to be ashamed of here, if we don't through a party who knows what people will think? LORELAI: Why don't you give us an anniversary party? Ha like a 10th? Wouldn't that be nice, honey? I mean, what is 10 -- bronze, sandstone, particleboard? RORY: Actually, it's tin. EMILY: But that's not for 10 years. LORELAI: Giving you plenty of time to plan. [Too Rory] Tin? RORY: Things just stick in my brain. EMILY: Lorelai, you ought to celebrate your marriage. LORELAI: Mum we did, we did celebrate -- right after we got married, we had a beautiful meal, didn't we? CHRISTOPHER: We had a beautiful meal. LORELAI: Yeah we had chocolate mousse and Para liqueur and a cheese plate. EMILY: A cheese plate? Since when is a hunk of fermented milk a suitable means for celebrating a marriage? LORELAI: Look mum we're good. Honestly we're celebrated out. EMILY: But what about us? LORELAI: Hey if you and dad want a party, it's fine by me. Buy some 40s, rent an inflatable bounce house. That's great knock yourselves out. EMILY: Well what about Rory? LORELAI: What about Rory? EMILY: Rory tell me don't you think this marriage should be officially celebrated? RORY: Well... yes, actually. I think it would be nice. RICHARD: Christopher? CHRISTOPHER: Well I think it would be fun. And I'm not one to turn down a free cocktail. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Okay, then, let's celebrate. Let's have a party. EMILY: Wonderful. Now if we book the harbor club, we can't have more than 400. So Lorelai, I'll need a list of your people as soon as is Earthly possible -- you too, Christopher. LORELAI: well I can give you my list right now. It's me, Chris, Rory, Logan -- if Rory wants him there -- Sookie, Jackson, and Michel. RICHARD: That's it? EMILY: You can invite more people than that, it's your day. LORELAI: That's my list. EMILY: Why don't you invite some of your charming Stars Hollow friends? LORELAI: That's okay, mom. MEGAN: We can make it black-tie optional, if that will help. LORELAI: It's not because they don't have black ties. EMILY: Suit yourself now, what do you think -- a string quartet, or something more fun, like a swing band? [Lorelai looks amused] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [They are moving Rory in] LOGAN: My god, woman, is there a book you don't own? RORY: I'm so sorry. DOYLE: I think I may have re-activated my scoliosis. PARIS: Suck it up, people. That was the last of it. LOGAN: So much for one trip, huh? RORY: Well who knew I had nine trips' worth of stuff? Your place is so big, it made my stuff look small and inconsequential. Did I mention I'm so sorry? LOGAN: Two copies of "The Norton Anthology"? RORY: They were gifts. I can't get rid of gifts. PARIS: Okay, looks like all that's left to do now is the paperwork. RORY: Paperwork? PARIS: The lease. RORY: You want me to sign a lease? PARIS: We you are subletting from me and the last time you lived here, you just up and left in the middle of the year. RORY: Um, you kicked me out, you moved all my stuff out in the hallway and locked the door. PARIS: Well now you'll have a legally binding contract that will negate my ability to do that in the future. RORY: All right. What does it say? Standard boiler-plate stuff -- just sign here and here. RORY: Mm-hmm. PARIS: And initial here and here. RORY: Okay. What is this? "Rights and privileges of Logan Huntzberger or any other paramours"? PARIS: If Logan is going to be spending an in audient amount of time here, it's fair to assess a daily tariff for water and power use. RORY: Ah, Paris! PARIS: It's a very simple formula, based on the number of nights he spends per month in the apartment times the approximate minutes per day he spends showering, brushing his teeth, and/or surfing the internet. And Sundays no charge. LOGAN: It's okay. I'll kick in, Paris. PARIS: Thataboy, Rockefeller. RORY: All right. PARIS: Okay. Welcome back to the hood. RORY: Thanks. DOYLE: It's good to have you back, Rory. RORY: Aw, thanks, Doyle. LOGAN: Alright I better take off. RORY: Oh, no. You just got here, and we spent the whole time moving. LOGAN: Why don't you come in on Thursday? I've got to wine-and-dine some clients. You should join us it should be fun. We'll rack up an obscene bill at Nobu and charge it all to my dad. RORY: Oh I can't. It's Lucy's 21st birthday. We're throwing her a big party. I was hoping you might be able to come. LOGAN: I can't -- Nobu. RORY: Nobu, schmobu. It's a college party. Don't you miss college parties? Our theme's 2002. LOGAN: Why? RORY: Just because. Why what's your theme? LOGAN: Contracts. RORY: Boring. 2002's so much better. Just bring your clients, and we'll let them tap the keg. LOGAN: Rory. RORY: Come on. It's a 2002 party, right? In 2002, you were a college freshman. You would have been bored by businessmen and thrilled to go to a party thrown by hot senior girls. LOGAN: It's all very tempting, but I have to go. RORY: I know. LOGAN: I love you. RORY: Love you, too. [They kiss, Logan leaves and Doyle comes in with the giant pencil Rory got whe she left the Yale paper.] PARIS: I'll put you down for half a day, Logan. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is knitting on the couch] LORELAI: Good morning. CHRISTOPHER: Well, good morning, Madame Defarge. LORELAI: Good morning, Mr. "I remember stuff from English class in high school." CHRISTOPHER: Can I ask how long this Mr. "Long sentence of words strung together" thing is gonna last? LORELAI: I'm not sure, Mr. "Doesn't understand "the more annoying you tell me a bit is, the more I want to do it." CHRISTOPHER: Look at you, knitting away, just like a proper married lady the picture of domesticity. LORELAI: Ha ha ha. CHRISTOPHER: So what's for breakfast, Martha Stewart? Poached eggs, blue berry muffin, oh is there gonna be fresh-squeezed orange juice? "Cause I'd really appreciate it if you could strain the pulp. LORELAI: Yeah I got your strained pulp right here, buddy. CHRISTOPHER: So what exactly are you knitting? LORELAI: It doesn't matter what I'm knitting. I'm knitting just to knit. CHRISTOPHER: Someone's philosophical. LORELAI: No, someone is in training for the Knit-a-thon. And we get pledged by the skein, so I'm just working on my speed. CHRISTOPHER: "Knit-a-thon"? LORELAI: Yeah, you didn't hear about the Knit-a-thon? CHRISTOPHER: I did not hear about the Knit-a-thon. Do you want something? LORELAI: Yeah. Poached eggs and some orange-juice pulp. CHRISTOPHER: How about coffee? LORELAI: Sold. So, we are holding a Knit-a-thon the day after tomorrow to raise money to rebuild the old muddy river bridge. CHRISTOPHER: What's wrong with the bridge? LORELAI: Well we rebuilt it a couple years ago, but now it's started to rot. CHRISTOPHER: Oh yeah. LORELAI: Yeah, it's too bad, too, 'cause it was gorgeous. We all loved, loved, loved it. It was sturdy and strong, made out of this beautiful Japanese maple - which it turns out is exactly the kind of wood that attracts beetles, and I'm not talking British-invasion kinda Beatles. I'm talking the kind of beetles that like to eat wood. So now we're gonna make it out of a less-delicious wood. CHRISTOPHER: Ah. So, how goes the training? Are your fingers getting strong and muscly? LORELAI: My fingers are fine. It's these needles. I keep dropping stitches 'cause they're slippery. I need non-slip needles. CHRISTOPHER: Do they make non-slip needles? LORELAI: I don't know but you know what I'm gonna go into town and see if anyone's selling them. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah I'll come with. LORELAI: No that's okay. CHRISTOPHER: No, no. I could use some air. LORELAI: Yeah, but I have errands to run. And ah plus I got to go to the dry cleaner's. CHRISTOPHER: So. LORELAI: So I don't want to subject you to Lizzie the crazy dry cleaner. It's very intense. You know she starts complaining about... CHRISTOPHER: Why don't you want me to come into town with you? LORELAI: Oh. Well, you know... I just want to give people... time to adjust. CHRISTOPHER: To? LORELAI: To you and me. I mean, I just want to be sensitive, you know? You're not who they expected, and I-I just don't want the marriage to seem sudden. You know I-I want to kind of ease them into it. CHRISTOPHER: Is that why you didn't want to invite any of your friends to your mother's party? LORELAI: No. Well, I mean yeah, but 90% of it was I didn't want them to have to deal with salsa dancing and the Peabody's and the Sandborn's. You know but I guess 10% is I didn't want to feel like I'm shoving our marriage down their throats. CHRISTOPHER: By inviting them to a party? LORELAI: So soon. I don't want it to seem like we're flaunting. You know, I want to give them time to adjust. CHRISTOPHER: They're not gonna adjust if they never see me. LORELAI: Yeah. You're right. CHRISTOPHER: Come on let's go for a stroll. LORELAI: Okay, but a stroll. Not a strut. CHRISTOPHER: Yes I promise I will keep my chicken-walking to an absolute minimum. LORELAI: Al right. LUKE'S DINER [The place is packed with people knitting.] LUKE: How long is this gonna go on? CAESAR: Couple more days. LUKE: It's ridiculous already. Somebody's gonna poke an eye out. CAESAR: You're just bumming 'cause April's gone. LUKE: First, get your hand off my shoulder. Second, I'm not bumming, and April is not gone. She just went back to living with her mother. CAESAR: I'm just saying, I'm feeling you, Luke. T.J.: Luke. LUKE: T.J. T.J.: I need a drink. LUKE: We don't serve alcohol. T.J.: Well, then, anything that's carbonated. If I drink fast enough, bubbles tend to have the same effect. LUKE: Boy what are you doing here? Is Liz okay? She's gonna have a baby at any moment. T.J.: It's not good, Luke. LUKE: What? T.J.: We're having a baby at our house. LUKE: No we talked about this. You're gonna be a great dad T.J. T.J.: No. You don't understand. We're having a baby at our house any minute now. Liz wants to have our baby in our living room! LUKE: What? Why? What about a hospital? T.J.: She won't go! She's got it in her head that this should be done at home. LUKE: My sister is gonna have her baby at home? T.J.: [Takes a drink] She got the idea from -- phew! -- Marcy hedges, who plays the midwife at the renaissance festivals. Only Marcy has five kids -- all born in hospitals -- and now she's telling Liz how amazing and natural it is for her to do it at home. LUKE: This is crazy. T.J.: Liz said she had Jess at a hospital, and she wants to have this one at home. She has this a, birth coach, called a Doula. That's not her real name. Don't call her that. She's very touchy. Her real name is Sandy. LUKE: Okay. Sandy the doula. T.J.: Anyway, Sandy's done about 200 of these home births, and she says statistically, they're every bit as safe as hospital births. LUKE: I can't believe she's having her baby at home. T.J.: Anyway, she wants you to be there at the birth. She wants the baby to be born around family. So I promised I'd get you to come. LUKE: Of course. Sure I'll be there. Just call me whenever, and I'll come right by. T.J.: Great. [Thumbs up sign from T.J.] Thanks, Luke. [Takes a swig of the drink again] Whoo! That feels good. LUKE: Yean alright I'll see you later, T.J. Just let me know when the water breaks. Go take care of her, all right? T.J.: All right. LUKE: See you, man. [Looking across the street he see Chris and Lorelai, he slams the door shut, tangled in some yarn.] That's it! All right, this diner is now a knit-free zone! Stop knitting or get the hell out! [People murmuring] TOWN SQUARE [People are setting up for the Knit-a-thon, there are large fake balls of yarn banners and stuff] BABETTE: Needle in, yarn around, new loop through, old loop up. Needle in, yarn around, new loop through, old loop up. Keep a gentle tension on the strand! KIRK: Humongous needle! TAYLOR: Careful! Just because it's decorative doesn't mean it's not sharp! LORELAI: I don't like root beer... CHRISTOPHER: No. LORELAI: Not without carbonation. You want it? CHRISTOPHER: Your used dum dum? LORELAI: It's not used. It's vintage. CHRISTOPHER: It was nice of Lizzie, though. LORELAI: Yes dude, 15 minutes of perchloroethylene talk? We earned those dum dums fair and square. BABETTE: All right, knit and purl, like brick and mortar! LORELAI: Hey, Babette! BABETTE: Oh, hey! [Too the ladies knitting] Keep going with the rib stitch there. [back to Lorelai] How are you, sweetheart? Hey, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: How you doing, Babette? BABETTE: Congratulations on the getting-married thing. I'd give you a hug, but my hands are kind of full here. So, you eloped. LORELAI: Yeah we were in Paris and we eloped. BABETTE: Well that's smart, eloping. Smart. Who needs the hassle of a real wedding, you know? LORELAI: Yeah. BABETTE: All the planning and the fuss, so much stress. CHRISTOPHER: Exactly. BABETTE: Plus the dress. I mean, why would anyone want to buy a big, expensive wedding dress you could only wear once? Except for me. I got to wear mine twice. But once was for Halloween. I was the bride of chucky. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, yeah? Did Morey go as chucky? BABETTE: Huh?! No, he was a futuristic pirate! So, welcome to Stars Hollow! CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. It's good to be here. BABETTE: Uh-huh. [Back to the ladies knitting] Knit and purl! [Chris and Lorelai walk off.] MISS PATTY: Lorelai, Christopher, there you are. LORELAI: Hey, patty. MISS PATTY: I'm sorry I didn't get this to you sooner. Part of my job as town social chair is greeting all newlyweds with the Stars Hollow welcome wagon. CHRISTOPHER: Look at all this. Thank you so much. MISS PATTY: Just a few odds and ends from our town merchants to say "welcome." CHRISTOPHER: This is so cool I didn't know the welcome wagon came in a real wagon. MISS PATTY: Yeah. Well... so there you go. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, terrific. Thank you. LORELAI: Thank you, Patty. MISS PATTY: So, how are you adjusting to Stars Hollow, Christopher? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, it's terrific. MISS PATTY: I'd bet you're bored senseless here. CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] No, no. Not at all. MISS PATTY: Well there's hardly any nightlife. I mean a worldly guy like you must feel like he's out in the sticks. CHRISTOPHER: Well, my discothequing days are mostly behind me. MISS PATTY: Anyway, I probably should run. Enjoy the wagon. CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. LORELAI: Bye, Patty. CHRISTOPHER: You want a ride? LORELAI: No. That's okay. [Chuckles] CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LUCKY AND OLIVIA'S CAMPUS ROOM [Marty is hanging a poster, Rory comes in the open door, she looks nerves, Marty is not.] RORY: Hey. MARTY: Hi. RORY: Um, I have some 2002 paraphernalia here. MARTY: Okay. RORY: Are Lucy and Olivia home? MARTY: No. RORY: 'Cause they said to bring this stuff by. Do you know when they'll be back? MARTY: No. RORY: Do you know where they went? MARTY: Just down the hall. LUCY: Rory! OLIVIA: Yay! Rory's here! RORY: Oh, hey, guys. LUCY: You brought stuff. RORY: As promised. OLIVIA: Let's see. LUCY: Boyfriend. [They kiss] Nice poster work. MARTY: I went with double-sided tape rather than thumbtacks. I think it gives it a cleaner look. LUCY: I think you're right. Plus, double-sided tape is so 2002. You're a genius. MARTY: You're my inspiration. OLIVIA: [Looking at CD's] You brought J.Lo? RORY: Of course. And I have boots. LUCY: Oh, my god, so did we! [Giggling] OLIVIA: We are gonna ugg-up! RORY: My feet were so much more comfortable in 2002. LUCY: What do you think, boyfriend? MARTY: Very Clydesdale. LUCY: Hey, compliments only from boyfriends on birthdays. MARTY: You're beautiful. LUCY: Thank you. [Rory looks uncomfortable again.] LUKE'S DINER [Anna enters] ANNA: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Hey, Anna. How's April doing? ANNA: Oh she's doing great. I'm pretty sure as of Friday, she had shown her appendix scar to every one of her teachers and classmates. She's quite proud of it. LUKE: [chuckles] I'm just glad she's doing good. ANNA: Yeah me too. Um, can we talk in private? LUKE: Sure. Come on up. Caesar, I'll be back! LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke and Anna enter] ANNA: Oh, the place looks nice. LUKE: April's handiwork. ANNA: Right. She told me -- cerulean. [They sit at the table] So, um...my mom... LUKE: Yeah. How's she doing? ANNA: Still recovering. LUKE: Oh. ANNA: I think I have her care all worked out, but it is an ongoing Rubik's cube of day, night, and weekend nurses. LUKE: Yeah that's tough. ANNA: Especially being on the other side of the country. She's really lonely. I thought about moving her up here. But she's been living in that house for 42 years, and I just feel like it would be cruel. LUKE: Yeah say, April can stay with me any time. Whatever you need. ANNA: Luke... I've decided that April and I are gonna move to New Mexico. LUKE: Oh. Really? Wow. ANNA: I-I'm sorry, but my mother is all alone. LUKE: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, it's, uh... wow. ANNA: But you know it's where I grew up, so I know the area. They have a lot of really good schools. LUKE: Yeah does, does April know? ANNA: I told her last night. LUKE: How's -- I mean... is she okay with it? ANNA: Well, she's not thrilled. It'll take some getting used to, but... LUKE: So, when? How soon? ANNA: As soon as possible. LUKE: Mm-hmm. ANNA: Tina, my assistant manager, is gonna run the business for me and I've already been looking online at houses, found a nice little neighborhood. LUKE: Huh. ANNA: And I just to - I wanted to, you know, let you know. LUKE: Yeah. Hey, uh, I guess you got to do what you got to do. You know I mean, when my dad was sick... ANNA: Yeah. LUKE: Yeah. ANNA: Mm-hmm. LUKE: Mm-hmm. ANNA: I should go. [Luke nods] I have some things. LUKE: Sure. Sure. Yeah. [Luke looks stunned] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Sookie is cooking, Lorelai enters] SOOKIE: Drat you, you dratted spaghetti, you slippery, slithery, uncooperative... LORELAI: am I interrupting something? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: Seriously if you and spaghetti need privacy, I can come back later. SOOKIE: In the middle of the night last night, I woke up with an idea. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: For days, I've been trying to figure out what to serve at my Knit-a-thon booth, right? So, it's 2:00 A.M. Flash! I have a vision. Balls of yarn made out of spaghetti, with breadsticks stuck in the middle, like knitting needles. It's brilliant! Brilliant! Horrible! LORELAI: Not that appetizing. Why don't you just make regular spaghetti? SOOKIE: 'Cause that's not theme-y. LORELAI: Oh. SOOKIE: Why are you in early? I thought you were not coming in till late. LORELAI: Well, I was, but I had some paperwork and... SOOKIE: And, um... LORELAI: Christopher and I just walked through town. SOOKIE: And? LORELAI: Everyone was very cordial. SOOKIE: Ooh. Cordial? LORELAI: Yes. They said hello. They shook his hand. They welcomed him to Stars Hollow. SOOKIE: Jeez, really? Cordial? LORELAI: Yes. Creepy, right? I saw miss patty and Babette. Neither one of them pinched his butt. SOOKIE: Well honey, you married an outsider. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: We just -- we all thought you and Luke... LORELAI: I knew people thought me and Luke. I thought me and Luke. But it's not me and Luke. It's me and Christopher. SOOKIE: I know. It's just - people really loved you and Luke. LORELAI: Right but it's not their life. It's my life. And frankly I don't see why I should have to go around feeling bad that my life didn't turn out the way everybody wanted it to. SOOKIE: I know... LORELAI: I'm sick of it. I really am. And, look, I understand that you liked Luke and you're not so sure about Christopher, but, Sookie, you're my best friend. I really need your support here. I - I mean, Christopher is my husband, and it would be great if you would just get on board. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay? SOOKIE: Yeah I'm on board. I mean what do you need? I'll swab the deck, I'll hoist the sail -- anything nautical. LORELAI: Okay I need you to help me get the rest of the town on board. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay what do we do? SOOKIE: We need a campaign. LORELAI: Right. A campaign. SOOKIE: Oh, he could walk Paul Anka around town. Cute guy, cute dog -- very appealing. LORELAI: Paul Anka's not good with sidewalks -- sensitive paws. He could pull him in the welcome wagon -- or Jackson. SOOKIE: You want him to pull Jackson around on a wagon? LORELAI: No maybe he and Jackson could do something together. You know Jackson's got a lot of clout. If people see that Jackson likes Christopher, then maybe they'll like Christopher. SOOKIE: You think Jackson's got a lot of clout? LORELAI: Jackson has tons of clout. He's lousy with clout. SOOKIE: Okay. What should they do? LORELAI: Something where they'll be seen. SOOKIE: Ooh, how about a movie? LORELAI: Too dark. SOOKIE: Yeah, yeah. LORELAI: Pancakes at Al's? SOOKIE: Jackson is off of wheat. But, ooh, how about country night at miss patty's? LORELAI: Chris and Jackson? SOOKIE: Well I mean, Jackson is a fiendish two-stepper, but he's handsy. LORELAI: What do regular guys do? SOOKIE: Grunt? LORELAI: Scratch? SOOKIE: Leave the toilet seat up? LORELAI: Talk about sports? SOOKIE: Talk about cars? LORELAI: Burp? SOOKIE: Beer! LORELAI: Drink beer. SOOKIE: At Casey's! LORELAI: Perfect. SOOKIE: Oh, like manly. LORELAI: Simple. SOOKIE: Ooh! And while they're scratching and grunting, we can actual go do something fun. LORELAI: Country night at miss Patty's. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. Hee-haw. LUKE'S DINER [April is reading at the counter] LUKE: So, what are you up for tonight? I was thinking we could rent "A Brief History of Time" again. Maybe I'll understand something more than the credits. APRIL: Sure. LUKE: Look...your mom told me you were moving. APRIL: To New Mexico. LUKE: Yeah it's not so bad. You've been there visiting your grandma before, right? APRIL: I don't want to move to the desert! It's just, there aren't even any seasons! It's just it's hot, and it's a miserable place, that and I hate it! LUKE: April let's take a walk. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. [They go out side] LUKE: Look I know you're a little upset, but this could be a really good thing - I mean the new people you'll meet, the teachers you'll impress. APRIL: I'll never see my friends again. LUKE: Oh of course you will - breaks from school over the summer. APRIL: No, Janie Freedman moved to Virginia at the end of last year 'cause her dad got some teaching job. And she said she'd stay in touch with everybody, and she did for like a week. And the after that nobody ever heard from her again. LUKE: It doesn't have to be like that. APRIL: We're moving 2,000 miles away! That's how it's gonna work! Mom is ruining my life! LUKE: April. APRIL: You know I'm finally happy. I finally have friends. It took me forever, and now I'm just gonna be that weird, dorky loser girl all over again! LUKE: I know. Come on. It's gonna be fine. [SCENE_BREAK] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory is making her bed] PARIS: I don't get it. RORY: What? PARIS: 2002 party. RORY: It's a theme. PARIS: How is that a theme? RORY: It's just supposed to be funny. PARIS: I'm not laughing. RORY: Well you don't have to go. PARIS: Why not 2001? RORY: It could be 2001, I guess. PARIS: "Space Odyssey" -- that's a theme. People dress up like astronauts or apes. RORY: I don't know what to tell you, Paris. PARIS: Will there be dancing? RORY: Yes there will be dancing. PARIS: What kind of dancing? RORY: I don't know. 2002 dancing? PARIS: So we're talking mostly hip-hop. RORY: Paris you don't have to hip-hop-dance at this party. PARIS: I can hip-hop-dance. Don't you worry. Doyle and I will be scorching the floorboards. [Cell phone rings] RORY: Looking forward to that. [Answering phone] Hi, mom. [Lorelai at home] LORELAI: So what are you gonna pledge me? RORY: Um, in the Knit-a-thon? LORELAI: Yeah what do you say -- 10 bucks a skein? RORY: How about $5? LORELAI: So, $15? RORY: Make it $3. LORELAI: $20 a skein? RORY: A buck 50. LORELAI: 25 smackeroos? RORY: 75 cents. LORELAI: We have no idea how to haggle, do we. [Nelly's "Hot in Herre" plays starts at Rory's place] RORY: No idea. Why don't you just put me down for $30 even? LORELAI: I will not take less than $30, and then you got a done deal. RORY: The best I can do is $30. LORELAI: Alright you give me $30, and it's a deal. RORY: Do I have to pledge dad, too? LORELAI: No, no he's just a spectator. You know what he's doing? He's going on a man-date with Jackson. RORY: Cute. A mandated man-date? LORELAI: Yes, it was suggested enthusiastically. What is that you're listening to? RORY: [Laughing] That's Paris. She and Doyle are threatening to scorch the floorboards at Lucy's party. LORELAI: Aw. Poor floorboards. He ah, how did the party prep go? RORY: Good. We're just about ready to party like it's 2002. There's just one thing -- this whole Marty debacle. It's just so annoying to be around him. LORELAI: Is he still acting all cold and weird? RORY: Beyond cold and beyond weird. LORELAI: Well you're a hard one to get over kid you know. He probably just feels bad. When guys feel rejected, they act all cold and weird. RORY: Yeah but I rejected him, if that's even what happened, years ago. I mean isn't there a statute of limitations for being a jerk? LORELAI: Well Marty just probably feels awkward. Maybe you should try to be nice. RORY: He's not exactly being nice to me. LORELAI: Well, you have to be the bigger person. RORY: Why doesn't he be the bigger person? LORELAI: Because you're 11 feet tall and he's a mere mortal. RORY: I hate being 11 feet tall. LORELAI: I know. It's hell finding jeans that fit, huh? [Chris comes down stairs] Uh I got to go. I got a man-date fashion disaster. RORY: Alright I'll talk to you later. LORELAI: So, uh, $30 a skein? RORY: Total -- $30 total. LORELAI: Yeah. [Hangs up, talking to Chris] Hey. CHRISTOPHER: W-what? LORELAI: Is that what you're wearing? CHRISTOPHER: What, what's wrong with what I'm wearing? LORELAI: Nothing. It's just that it's, um... CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: ...Black. CHRISTOPHER: It's a black shirt. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, then. LORELAI: It's very Joaquin phoenix at the Oscars. CHRISTOPHER: I have no clue what that means. LORELAI: It's very fitted. CHRISTOPHER: I should wear a shirt that doesn't fit? LORELAI: No. CHRISTOPHER: Should I tuck it in? LORELAI: No! CHRISTOPHER: Why are you grimacing at this shirt?! LORELAI: Um...I don't know. Maybe it's not the best thing to wear on your man-date with Jackson. CHRISTOPHER: Okay first of all, if you say "man-date" one more time, there is no way in hell I am leaving this house. And second, last I knew, I was about to go have a beer with a farmer. I don't think it really matters what I'm wearing. LORELAI: um it is very important that you make a good impression. CHRISTOPHER: Lore come on how great did our walk through town go? You were worried about that, and everybody was nice. LORELAI: They were nice. CHRISTOPHER: It went great. LORELAI: Eh. CHRISTOPHER: Didn't it? LORELAI: Nah. CHRISTOPHER: What are you saying? LORELAI: I'm saying it didn't go so great. They were cordial, they were polite. CHRISTOPHER: But the wagon... LORELAI: Was full of cleaning supplies and shoe trees. When Claude and Michael Davies got married, they got handmade clothing and homemade baked goods, and ah the pizza guy whittled them bookends in the shape of Senegalese tigers. That's a welcome wagon. We got a "we're tolerating that you're here" wagon. Sorry. CHRISTOPHER: So, going out with Jackson is important because...? LORELAI: Jackson is loved. Jackson is respected. If you're in with Jackson, if you're in with Stars Hollow. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, maybe I could wear the gray polo shirt. LORELAI: [Gasps] I love that idea! CHRISTOPHER: What about the jeans? LORELAI: They're fine. They're just a little tight. CHRISTOPHER: All right, I'll change the jeans. LORELAI: Oh. CHRISTOPHER: The shoes? LORELAI: Ugh. CHRISTOPHER: All right, I'll change the shoes. I hate to say this out loud, but all of a sudden, I'm very nervous about my man-date with a farmer. LORELAI: You're gonna be great. Not too much stuff in the hair! CASEY'S BAR - NIGHT [Jackson and Chris are sitting at the bar] JACKSON: So, what do you think? CHRISTOPHER: I'm down with any place where you can throw your peanut shells on the floor. JACKSON: Not exactly a Manhattan hot spot. CHRISTOPHER: A beer in Stars Hollow tastes just as good as a beer in Soho, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper. JACKSON: It's a microbrew. They brew it right here on the premises. CHRISTOPHER: Ah. Wow. [The TV can be heard in the back ground, "Dahntay Jones brings it into the front court."] CHRISTOPHER: So, what's your best crop? Do you have a favorite? JACKSON: Ah, don't get me started. I love them all. But it has been a standout eggplant year. Do you like eggplant? CHRISTOPHER: Yep. JACKSON: Don't say another word. I am your eggplant connection. CHRISTOPHER: Guess I'm gonna have to get rid of my other guy, then. [Chuckling] It's just -- it's just a joke. [Chuckles nervously] JACKSON: Oh. Yeah. [Chuckles] [TV "They're just not playing aggressively. Here's Jones. That's Brian Williams. His shot rims out. He's shooting only 35% from the floor.] JACKSON: So, you and Lorelai, huh? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. JACKSON: That's quite an achievement. I mean, many have tried, many have failed. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I feel pretty lucky. [TV "And scott padgett, working inside, has it batted away.] JACKSON: You know what I love about farming? The commitment. [Chris nods in agreement] No shortcuts, no quitting. You have got to be there for your crops morning, noon, and night. I mean you can have the greatest soil and perfect seeds, but if you are not 100% committed, you might as well pave over those 32 acres and build yourself a strip mall. You know what I mean. CHRISTOPHER: It's a lot of responsibility. JACKSON: It sure is. CHRISTOPHER: It sounds like you really love farming. JACKSON: I do. Sookie and I, we both do. CHRISTOPHER: Me too. CAFÉ' [Luke is sitting at a table, Anna comes in and is on her cell phone] ANNA: Yeah. If you want to come by, I'll be in all afternoon. Great. I'll see you then. Bye. [Hangs up, too Luke] Hey. LUKE: Thanks for coming. ANNA: Sure. What's up? LUKE: Well, April -- she's pretty upset. ANNA: Yeah, I know. LUKE: I just wanted to make sure we were doing everything we could to make it as easy as you know it could be for her. ANNA: So what have you got in mind? LUKE: Okay well, I was thinking. Instead of pulling her out in the middle of the school year, maybe you could wait to move till the end of the school year? ANNA: And you don't think I thought about that. LUKE: No you could go back and forth, and still be there for you mum and I could help covering for April here. ANNA: No, I have to be out there full time as soon as possible, Luke. LUKE: Oh well, she could stay with me to finish the year. She's already been with me for two months, you know? I'd love it. It would be great, actually. ANNA: Luke, I know you mean well, but that's not gonna happen okay. I'm not splitting apart from April for six months. LUKE: No, I understand. Okay, so, maybe you know we could buy her some plane tickets so, so she'll know she's going back and forth and when? ANNA: We can't make that plan now. LUKE: No it doesn't have to include everything. But, like, I already told her she could stay with me for spring break and part of the summer, so if... ANNA: Whoa. You told her that? You actually said that? LUKE: Yeah. ANNA: I have no idea what we'll be doing then. LUKE: I just assumed that... ANNA: You have no right making promises to my daughter. LUKE: I just wanted her... ANNA: I don't want you talking to her about this again. Are we clear? LUKE: Anna. ANNA: No, Luke. Listen, these are my decisions. I'm not gonna have you going behind my back, making promises to April that I can't keep. LUKE: So, are you saying she's not coming back? ANNA: I am saying I'm not ready to make decisions. And they are my decisions to make, not yours, Luke. Now I'm gonna go. [Luke is left stunned, then his cell phone rings] LUKE: Hello? [At Liz and T.J. house Liz is screaming] T.J.: It's showtime, Luke! LUKE: What the hell's going on over there? Is Liz okay? T.J.: She's amazing! We're having a baby, baby! It's beautiful! You got to get over here. LUKE: I'm on my way! TOWN SQUARE - KNIT-A-THON ["Old Fashion Show Business" music plays] KIRK: Free needles. Free for everyone. Free needles! Free needles! LORELAI: See? Who says Stars Hollow's not progressive? Hey. SOOKIE: Hey, you guys. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, Jackson. What's up? [They shake hands] JACKSON: Hey. How's it going? Wednesday night -- we still on to watch the game? CHRISTOPHER: Sounds good. LORELAI: Alright we're gonna stake out some prime knitting real estate. JACKSON: See you later. SOOKIE: Save us a spot! LORELAI: We will. You're seeing Jackson Wednesday, huh? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, we were thinking maybe. LORELAI: I guess that could work. CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean? LORELAI: I have some other plans for you. CHRISTOPHER: Plans? LORELAI: Yeah you got bird-watching with Morey, darts with Andrew. Ooh, and Glenn Belkin wanted to have coffee with you. He is the head coach of the peewee little league teams. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, yeah? LORELAI: Yes. He thinks he might have a plum assistant-coaching job for you. CHRISTOPHER: Assistant coach, huh? LORELAI: Um-mm, all right, I'm feeling the knitting vibes right here. CHRISTOPHER: Well okay. MISS PATTY: Hello, hello! BABETTE: Hiya, kids. Boy, it's a chilly one, huh? TAYLOR: [At a podium] Welcome, fair citizens of Stars Hollow. We come together on this glorious autumnal day to rescue our beloved muddy river bridge. And the knitting will commence at precisely 10:00 A.M., And we will knit unceasingly until our long day's journey ends at the stroke of 10:00 P.M. KIRK: Taylor, 10:00 A.M. Is 40 seconds away. TAYLOR: What? No. I've got 3 1/2 more minutes. I've timed this speech to last exactly 3 1/2 minutes. Um, a bridge is not merely a feat of engineering and architecture. A bridge is also a metaphor. KIRK: Taylor, I'm sorry. Your watch is wrong. I have precise atomic clock time. 28 seconds. BABETTE: I'm with Kirk! 26 seconds! TAYLOR: But I just got this watch. KIRK: Make that 22, 21. MAN: 20. TAYLOR: As I was saying, [Speaking very fast] a bridge is a metaphor, a meeting place between here and there, between the past and the future. The Golden Gate, the Brooklyn... to raise funds... our duty as citizens! KIRK: Nine seconds! TAYLOR: Real-time accounting of the funds approved. KIRK: Seven seconds! TAYLOR: As we strive toward... KIRK: 6... THE WHOLE CROWED: [Chanting over Taylor as he continues to speak] 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! TAYLOR: Oh, fine! Go ahead and knit! [Music starts and crowd starts knitting and laughing] LUCY'S PARTY [The room is packed] LUCY: [too some guests] Thank you! Thanks so much. RORY: Hey. LUCY: Hi. RORY: How are you enjoying your first legal drink? LUCY: Third, actually. I like it, although I kind of miss being a lawbreaker. RORY: [Chuckles] LUCY: Oh, my god. It's Paris Geller. RORY: I told you. LUCY: You totally delivered. Who's the dude? RORY: That's her boyfriend, Doyle. LUCY: I'm fascinated. RORY: Well go talk to her. LUCY: Really? RORY: It's your party. LUCY: How do I look? RORY: You look tiara'ed, 21, and fabulous. LUCY: [Too Paris and Doyle] Hi! Thank you for coming to my party. PARIS: Nice party... [Rory spots Marty and the bar and goes over.] RORY: Barkeep, I'll have an upside-down tequila slammer with a twist. MARTY: I don't know how to make that. RORY: Yeah, I just made it up. MARTY: Oh. RORY: Really? Is this the way it's gonna be? I say something, and you grunt and make me feel like an idiot, really that's it? MARTY: What do you want me to say? RORY: Well, what I would like you to say is that you've put me in a really difficult position, and the least you can do is not be a jerk about it. MARTY: I'm sorry. RORY: Yeah? MARTY: Yeah. RORY: So you're done being a jerk? MARTY: Y-yeah, I-I'm done. RORY: Good. MARTY: So you still want that upside-down tequila slammer? RORY: With a twist. MARTY: [Chuckles] Right. Probably has tequila in it. RORY: Yeah. [Both laugh] MARTY: Um, the upside-down part, I'll have to improvise. But the slammer and the twist are pretty straightforward. You might want to stand back. RORY: Oh, okay. [Pink's "get the party started" plays and Paris and Doyle dance.] CROWD: Go, Paris! Go, Paris! Go, Paris! Go, Paris! Go, Paris! [Cheering] LIZ AND T.J.'S HOUSE [Liz, T.J. and Luke are looking at the new baby] T.J.: Shh! It's okay, sweet girl. LUKE: Y-you sure about the name "Doula"? T.J.: She's such a Doula. Isn't that right, gorgeous? LIZ: It's cute, right? LUKE: Yeah no, no. T.J.: What's that, Doula? [High-pitched] I want my uncle Luke to hold me. LUKE: [Chuckles] T.J.: You heard her. LUKE: Oh, no, no, no. You keep her. T.J.: [High-pitched] Please! Uncle Lukey! LUKE: No, really, really, really, I don't have... LIZ: Come on Luke. T.J.: Come on LUKE: I-I don't have to. T.J.: [Imitating crying] I want my uncle Lukey to hold me! LUKE: Okay. Okay. T.J.: [Normal voice] Here you go, Doula. LUKE: Hey, Doula. T.J.: Isn't she beautiful? Look at her eyes. She's got Liz's eyes. LIZ: It's true. T.J.: Ah and -- and aunt Sissy's chin, right? That's totally sissy's chin. LIZ: No, Sissy was adopted. T.J.: So? LIZ: So. T.J.: Ohh! Well, I-I don't know how she does it, but she's got her chin. LIZ: [Chuckles] What do you think, Luke? LUKE: [Smiling] She's great. T.J.: That's your uncle Luke. And Luke's daughter is your cousin April. Now, I bet April is gonna be your number-one babysitter. Am I right, Luke? [Luke is now thinking of April] LUKE: Yeah. Sure. TOWN SQUARE - KNIT-A-THON [The knit-a-thon continues] TAYLOR: $2,200! Not bad, people! Not good, exactly, but not bad. And we have seven more hours to make up the rest, so keep on knitting! And as you do, think of the bridge! CHRISTOPHER: Who wants coffee? LORELAI: Is that a rhetorical question? MISS PATTY: Thank you, Christopher. We're not gonna make it, are we? BABETTE: Not without doping. LORELAI: You guys don't talk like that! Think of the bridge. We'll never be able to look it in the I-bar again if we let it down. JACKSON: How's it going? [Chris walks to the podium] SOOKIE: Well I can't tell if my hands are cramping or numb, but they just keep knitting. So I guess I'm trying not to think about it, although I guess, right now, I am thinking about it. MISS PATTY: Maybe scheduling an outdoor event in November wasn't such a great move. LORELAI: It was a great move -- a Fred-and-Ginger-type move, it's just a brisk fall day. [Taylor is seen thanking Chris] BABETTE: Nah, it's a bad move, but it's part of a great tradition of bad moves by Taylor. TAYLOR: Could I have everyone's attention, please? I just received a donation of $7,800! Thanks very much to Stars Hollow's newest resident, Christopher Hayden, for bringing us up to our goal of $10,000! LORELAI: Honey? BABETTE: Christopher, you did that? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. MISS PATTY: Well, yeah, I... well, tha-- thank you. Uh, I-it was really... SOOKIE: Generous. It's generous, right? BABETTE: Yeah, generous. SOOKIE: Thanks, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: You're welcome. I just figured... MISS PATTY: So what do we stop knitting now? TAYLOR: Okay pack it up, people. MISS PATTY: I guess we stop knitting now. TAYLOR: We've reached our goal. Our work is done here. If we get that llama back in the next half-hour, we're gonna save a bundle. LORELAI: Wait, wait you guy, what are you doing? W-why are you leaving? MISS PATTY: You heard Taylor. LORELAI: Yeah but nobody ever listens to Taylor. Come on we got to keep knitting, there's seven more hours. BABETTE: What's the point?! LORELAI: The point is, it's fun. It's a festival. We haven't even gotten rowdy, we haven't even wrapped Taylor in yarn yet. SOOKIE: Like a big Taylor cozy. LORELAI: Yeah. BABETTE: We already got all the money. Thanks very much, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: You're welcome. LORELAI: Gypsy? GYPSY: 7,800 buckaroos. Wow. You must really love bridges, Christopher. LORELAI: What are you doing? GYPSY: I'm gonna go catch a movie. LORELAI: Wait a minute. Where is your Stars Hollow spirit, huh? Where's the love of knitting just for knitting's sake? GYPSY: At the movies? LORELAI: [Exhales] SOOKIE: Sorry, honey. LORELAI: Yeah. MISS PATTY: I wonder what's playing. BABETTE: I don't know but I'll bet it's nice and toasty in there. Thanks again, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: Sure. Happy to help. TAYLOR: Okay, let's get those needles down! And careful, there, fellas! Just because they're decorative doesn't mean they're not sharp. [Every one is now packing up] LUCY'S PARTY [Rory and Olivia are sitting on the couch] RORY: How is she still dancing? OLIVIA: Paris? RORY: No -- Lucy. Paris I understand, 'cause Paris has been training for this like it's an Olympic event. OLIVIA: [Chuckles] RORY: But Lucy, Lucy weighs 11 pounds, and I'm pretty sure most of that is tequila by now. OLIVIA: The girl loves to move. RORY: uh-mm. Oh, buzz-cut boys going through. OLIVIA: Mmm! I'm going in. I've got time for one or two more awkward interactions before the night is through. [India Arie's "video" plays] MARTY: [Sitting on the couch] The bar is closed! RORY: You finally quit. MARTY: Nope, just ran out of booze. RORY: I think I drank most of it. That upside twisted slammer was living up to its name, man. I don't know if I'm more twisted or slammed. MARTY: I'm both. I think I had three of them. Or was it four? RORY: You know, the last time I saw you drunk, you were passed out and naked outside my dorm room. MARTY: So, the truth comes out after all these years. You checked me out. RORY: I did not. No it was uncomfortable and weird. MARTY: Well, it's for the best. I was quite the scrawny freshman. I think I actually weighed 98 pounds. RORY: [Laughs] MARTY: But, you know, now... RORY: Oh you've been working out. MARTY: Can't you tell? I'm huge. I'm massive. I'm Marty Schwarzenegger. RORY: I can tell. You're looking good. MARTY: And you are more beautiful than ever. [uncomfortable silence] RORY: Um, you should be out there with Lucy. [Marty gets up and goes to Lucy] LUCY: Hi! [They kiss and an annoyed or confused Rory looks on.] STARS HOLLOW - STREET [Night time] CHRISTOPHER: Why should I feel bad that I donated $7,000 to help save the bridge? LORELAI: You shouldn't. CHRISTOPHER: I don't. I thought the point was to save the bridge. LORELAI: Well, the point was to save it with knitting. CHRISTOPHER: That doesn't make any... LORELAI: I know it doesn't make any sense. That's Stars Hollow. That's just how it is. It's hard for outsiders to understand. HONOR: So I'm an outsider? LORELAI: For now. CHRISTOPHER: I thought I was doing a good thing. LORELAI: I know you just don't have to drop all that money like that. CHRISTOPHER: I know I don't have to. LORELAI: I mean you don't have to try so hard to get people to like you. CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] LORELAI: What. CHRISTOPHER: That's funny. LORELAI: Why? CHRISTOPHER: 'Cause you're the one who's making me try so hard. [Lorelai gasps] Bird-watching, backgammon, darts, assistant-managing a peewee baseball team? LORELAI: Oh I just want... CHRISTOPHER: I know. You want people to like me. You know what? I'm a likable guy. I always have been. I may not be the smartest guy or the toughest guy, but I'm the guy that people like. LORELAI: You are. CHRISTOPHER: And you know why people in Stars Hollow are gonna like me? LORELAI: Why? CHRISTOPHER: Because I love you. And I'm gonna be here, loving you. LORELAI: You are? CHRISTOPHER: You bet. You know, when you're a farmer, you got to be there for your crops. It's not about the seeds or the soil. It's about being there, being committed, all day, every day, forever. LORELAI: Farmer, huh? CHRISTOPHER: Why not? LORELAI: You know what, Mr. "Doesn't seem like he knows what he's talking about but is actually pretty wise"? CHRISTOPHER: What's that, Mrs. "Goes through 500 emotions every hour of the day"? LORELAI: I love you a lot. [They kiss] CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, you're okay, too. ANNA'S HOUSE [Luke arrives, gets out of his truck and knocks on the door.] ANNA: Hey. LUKE: Hey. ANNA: April's not here. LUKE: I know. She's sleeping at Gabrielle Wilder's tonight. ANNA: So, what's up? LUKE: I also know that Gabrielle has a peanut allergy, and before I drop her off, I check that April isn't packing a snickers bar. I also know that she likes Gabby's coin collection, so I thought I might take her over to a coin shop in Stamford, 'cause she'd like it. ANNA: What are you doing here, Luke? LUKE: You're always telling me I can't do this with your daughter and that I can't do that with your daughter. Well, she's not just your daughter, Anna. She's my daughter, too. ANNA: Luke... LUKE: No. No. I know I wasn't around for all those years. But, you know, that was your decision. That was your choice, Anna. And, frankly, it was a damn lousy one. Okay I didn't get to see her born or take her first steps or take her to her first day of school -- none of it. And I can never get any of that back. It's gone! That's not gonna happen anymore. That, I can guarantee you. ANNA: What are you saying? LUKE: That she's my kid, all right? She's our kid. She's not just yours. And I'm not gonna let you treat me this way. I'm her father. God, why do I even have to say that? I mean, April and I, we have this relationship, okay? A-and you can't just decide things. That's not how this works, okay? I mean we have to make decisions together, decisions about April. And I will fight you. I will fight you for that, Anna, if I have to. I have rights. I'm her father, and I have rights.	Plan: A: Liz's baby; Q: What is the name of the baby that is delivered by a midwife? A: the news; Q: What is Luke informed of? A: A "knitathon festival; Q: What event takes place in Stars Hollow? A: Christopher; Q: Who donates to the "knitathon festival"? A: their marriage; Q: What do Lorelai and Chris tell Emily and Richard about? Summary: Here comes the birth of Liz's baby delivered by a midwife. Luke is informed of the news. A "knitathon festival" takes place in Stars Hollow, where Christopher donates substantially. Chris and Lorelai tell Emily and Richard about their marriage.
Santa Marta Beach, a child see the body of a girl To CBI Lisbon: Victim is Christine Tanner, 15, drowned, washed up on the beach in Santa Marta. Who's got the ultraviolet? Rigsby: Yep. So she drowned. Why us? Lisbon: Coroner found a wound consistent with getting hit in the head with a surfboard and water in her lungs, only it was ditchwater- No salt, a lot of bugs. Jane: So the killer is clever, but not as clever as he thinks he is. Van Pelt: Santa marta sheriff's not taking this one? Lisbon: State beach, state case. All right, what are you doing? Jane: Grace is mentally telling me where she hid the van keys. If I find them, I get to drive. Lisbon: So now you're psychic? Jane: Oh, no, no, no. This is all science. Concentrate, Grace. Tell me with your mind only. Forward, backward, left, right. Cho: How is that science? He watched you hide the keys. Jane: From the men's room? That would be a trick. He leaves the room and looks under the plants. There is a key Jane (He laughes): Who's got shotgun? Lisbon: Can we go now? Santa Marta Beach Young man: Leah, go ahead. Young people throw flowers into the sea Cho: You had the keys in your hand the whole time. Jane: U've gotta let it go, man. Cho: Did you have the keys in your hand? Jane: If I tell you how it's done, pp the magic circle will send a team of assassins to kill us all. It's the law. Rigsby: Her body was discovered on this beach. Coast guard says that means she was put in the water anywhere within a mile north of here. Any further along the coast, the current would have taken her out to Mexico. Jane: How long was she in the water? Rigsby: We're still waiting on the coroner's report. Hope: Hey, excuse me. Are you guys cops? Rigsby: C.B.I Hope: What's C.B.I ? Rigsby: California bureau of investigation. Jane: Cops. Hope: (To his friend) Cops. So is it true what they're saying-somebody killed Chris? Jane: Yes, it is true. You were Christine's friend? Hope: Yeah. We hang at the same breaks. I love Chris. What happened? Cho: We don't know yet. What's your name? Hope: I'm Hope. That's Win. Cho: When was the last time you saw Christine? Hope: Uh, three days ago. Sunset patrol. Epic northeast swell. Chris loved to go out at sunset. She would stay out till it was dark as dark. Jane: How did she seem lately- just, you know, any enemies or... stuff like that? Win: Uh, not-not around here. Everybody loved chris. Rigsby: Was she dating anybody? Win: Dating? Rigsby: Okay, was she hooking up with anybody in particular? Hope: Danny Kurtik, mostly. Win: Jeez, hope. Hope: What? They were hookin' up. Win: Danny would never hurt Chris. Hope: Duh, of course not. Win: That's not what they were asking. They were asking who she was hooking up with, which would be Danny. It wasn't a big, dark secret. Rigsby: I need you to write down your names and the numbers we can reach you at. (She says yes) Jane: Win? Win: Yeah? Jane: If chris was a color, what color would she be? Win: Uh, orange... Or pink. Hope: No, o-orange is right. Jane: If she were an animal, what kind of animal would she be? Hope: Uh, I don't know. A rabbit? How is this relevant? Jane: Everything's relevant. Hope: Chris was good people. I hope you find who did this. Jane: We'll do our best. Farther Rigsby: How is that relevant? Cho: We're looking for someone who doesn't like orange rabbits. Jane: Exactly. You know what, boys? I like it here. Yeah. I think I'll stay for a while. Cho: What? Rigsby: Okay. Jane stretches out the beach Cho: Let's just leave him here. Christine Tanner's House Jack: Excuse the mess. Chrissy was the house-proud one around here. Lisbon: We understand. Mr. Tanner? We may have to ask you some tough questions, so... (She showes children) Jack: That's okay. Can't tell Lisa nothing she hasn't heard before, and micah don't... He don't give a damn. He's slow. He's just... Sad 'cause he sees Lisa is. Lisbon: All the same... Jack: Come on, kids. Lisa: Come on, micah. Let's go. Jack: Can you take him outside? Lisa: You got it, dad. Lisbon sees bottles of alcohol on the table Lisa (to Mika): Come on. Let's go outside. Lisbon: So when did you notice Christine was missing? Jack: Yesterday morning. She hadn't made nothing for the kids, and I realized I hadn't seen her in a while. I mean, she may be away one night and I wouldn't know, but you know... Lisbon: When was the last time you saw her? Jack: Monday morning. Van Pelt: Any idea where she was during that time period? Jack: No. No. Chrissy's real independent. You never... Never had to worry about Chrissy. Lisbon: So two days to notice your daughter's gone and another to report it. Jack: I work. I mean, I work construction. I never miss a day. I-i can't watch her all the time. Lisbon: Her mother's not around? Jack: She died. She was killed in a car wreck. Van Pelt: I'm sorry. Jack: Almost five years ago now. Drunk driver t-boned her. College kid. Walked away laughin'. Not a scratch, you know? Not a scratch. Van Pelt: So Christine kind of took over for her mom, huh? Cooked, cleaned, looked after the little ones? Jack: Yeah. Don't know what we're gonna do now. Lisbon: Christine was arrested last year? Jack: That was... Stupid. It was a couple of joints. No big deal. Lisbon: Well, how is it she got into drugs? Jack: She wasn't into drugs. She was straightedge, if anything. It's her dumb-ass friend Darlene. Lisbon: Darlene-last name? Jack: Pappas, but chrissy wasn't hanging out much with darlene anymore, not since she got big into surfing. Then she started hanging with a different crowd. Lisbon: Who were they? Jack: They're surfers, you know- not like bum surfers. They seem like good kids, you know? They were upscale. They'd pick her up in their- their audis and whatnot. You know, they were a good influence on Christine. They helped her with her schoolwork, and she was thinking about college. Lisbon: Anybody in particular vv she was close to? Jack: I don't really know 'em. I mean, there's names I'd hear all the time. There's, like, Andy and Danny and Hope, and then there's this new guy, Flipper, she talked about lately. Lisbon: Talks about how? Jack: Just that she was, you know, they were hangin' together, you know? Like, "i'll see you at flipper's," stuff like that. Hey, Lisa? Honey? Lisa: Yeah, dad? Jack: Hey, honey, could you, uh, fix some lunch for your brother, please? Lisa: Yeah, okay. Jack: Thanks. Beach of Santa Martha On the beach, Jane makes a castle with a shoe next to a little girl Girl: What, you didn't bring a bucket? Jane says no. So, she gives a bucket Christine Tanner's house Van Pelt and Lisbon are outside Jack's house. Lisbon fell. Van Pelt: Are you okay? Lisbon: Damn it. Van Pelt: It's gotta be tough. Lisbon: What? Van Pelt: I mean, a drunk driver- isn't that what happened to your mother? Sorry. It's not my business. Lisbon: We don't discuss our personal lives in this unit. It's not useful, and it's not professional. She takes his cellphone Lisbon: Cho, names to check- Darlene Pappas, Andy, Danny, Hope and Flipper. CBI Cho: Flipper? Okay. Got it. Hold on. (He looks on the computer) There's a Darlene Pappas in youth authority lockup- Possession and resisting arrest. I'll get her in here. Lisbon: Great. Where's jane? Cho: Jane? He's still pursuing inquiries at the beach. Beach of Santa Martha On the beach, Jane made a beautiful castle. People congratulate her. She smiles. To CBI Lisbon: Darlene, you're a friend of Christine Tanner? Darlene: What do you want? Lisbon: Christine's dead. Darlene: What do you want? Lisbon: I want you to help us find out who killed her. Darlene: Killed? How? Lisbon: Drowned. Darlene: Drowned? Damn. Lisbon: Who does she know that might have reason to do this? Darlene: Well, now that you mention it, there was a guy. What was his name? Lisbon: Yes, darlene, if you help us, I'll talk to the prosecutor, see if we can help you with these charges you've got pending. Darlene: Okay. Last year she was banging an older guy, like old. She called him "Pops." Lisbon: No name? Just Pops? Darlene: Pops, that's it. One time, uh, she said he was getting weird, and she was talking about dumping him, but I don't know if she ever did. Like I say, we haven't been tight for a while now. Lisbon: That's interesting, but it's not enough for a call to the d.a. Did she say anything else about him? Anything at all? Darlene: He was good in bed, and he liked '50s music, like Elvis and stuff. And that's it. Lisbon stands up. Darlene: Well, that's enough, right? Well, call the d.a. Lisbon leaves the interrogation room. Cho: Got a hit with those deputy interviews. Philip Handler, goes by "Flipper." Badass surfer- it's a long sheet, including time for assault on a woman a few years back. Lisbon: How bad? Rigsby: Hundred stitches bad. Got an address. Lisbon: Let's go. Caravan of Flipper Lisbon: Philip Handler? Police! May we speak with you, please? Lisbon: Mr. Handler? Rigsby: Clear. Lisbon: Mr. Handler? Flipper: These friends of yours? Jane: Hey, guys, come in. Come in. I'm just about to discredit Nimzovich's theory on the french advance once and for all. Flipper: Dream on, trick. Sheriff's Office Lisbon: What led you to flipper anyway? Jane: His hair. It's braided the exact same way as the victim. She did his do. They go to the interrogation room Flipper: I guess, uh, you must be bad cop. (He looks Lisbon) Lisbon: I try. Flipper: Tough. Go to it, sister. Lisbon: You can be pretty tough yourself. Roberta Varnushi. You did quite a number on her. Flipper: Uh, we had... Different expectations that led to... Friction. But, um, what can you do? Lisbon: Friction? She nearly died. Flipper: Do you know what she was doing that started the argument when I hit her? She was pouring the sump oil from her car right into the storm drain, okay? You might as well take an ax and go chop up a family of dolphins. Lisbon: Was Christine Tanner damaging marine life somehow? Flipper: What? No. Chris understood. Chris was a child of the ocean. Lisbon: You like hanging out with children, don't you? Flipper: I do. They're pure in flesh and spirit. What's not to like? Lisbon: Christine was a beautiful girl. Flipper: Yes, she was. Jane: So why'd you kill her? Flipper: I didn't kill her. Why would I kill her? Jane: Did you have sx with her? Flipper: Oh, I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. But no, I didn't. You know why? Jane: Why? Flipper: Because it would be wrong, and I'm all about doing what's right. I wait until they hit legal age, then bam! Happy birthday, baby. Lisbon: When was the last time you saw her? Flipper: Oh, so you can try and pin this on me? No, thanks. Jane: See, the thing is, Flip, Lisbon here is looking at you like you're a porkchop because you fit the profile. Your life is in chaos. You're lonely. You're depressed. You're addicted to drugs and pornography and a little nuts, to be honest. You're exactly the kind of man that does terrible things to women. Uh, but I don't think you did this. 'Cause I think deep down you're a good man. You should learn to use your bishops a little more efficiently, but otherwise a good man. Flipper: I saw Chris three days ago- sunset patrol at Devon Point break. Jane: Was that monday with Hope, Win and those guys? Flipper: Right. We-we rode until dark, and then we partied a while on the beach. And then I went home. (To Lisbon) On my mother's life. End of interrogation. Tanner's family wait in Sheriff's hall Jack: What do you mean, person of interest? This guy kill my Chrissy or what? Lisbon: Mr. Tanner, if we make an arrest, you'll be the first person I call, I promise. I'm gonna have somebody take you home. Flipper leaves the room Jack: This him? Is this him? Lisbon: Calm down, okay? You need to go home and take care of your children. Jack: You're dead, bstrd! You're dead! You're dead, you bstrd! Lisbon: Go home now! Lisbon: Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. You need to go home. Lisa: Let's go home, daddy. Jack: (To Mika) Come on. Lisbon: Lisbon. Yeah. Lisbon: Coroner just told me that Christine's body was put in the water sometime early tuesday morning. So that monday night party is critical. Somebody there had to have known what happened later that night. Rigsby: Okay, boss, we're on it. High school Lisbon: Hi, people. Danny: Oh, thank you very much, ma'am, but, uh, we don't need a grief counselor. Hope: We know how to grieve. Lisbon: Good, because I'm not a grief counselor. The principal didn't want to say "homicide detective" in front of the other students. Agent Lisbon, California Bureau of Investigation. Jane: Hey, guys. Hope and Win I know. You must be Danny and Andy. Quick test-if you could be any animal you want, what would you be? Quick. Andy: Dolphin. Jane: You? Danny: Uh, same, or, uh, a killer whale. Hope: No, a hawk. Win: Uh, uh, a tiger. Jane: Interesting. Win: Why? Jane: When we spoke before about monday night at Devon Point, You didn't mention that you had a party after you went surfing. Hope: A party? No, it wasn't a party. Jane: Not what Flipper says. Andy: Flipper told? Dude. Danny: Come on, guys. I mean, we-we partied, threw a little frisbee. What's the big deal? Jane: No big deal. It's just that you were the last people, aside from her killer, to see christine alive. She was drowned later that night. Hope: That night? Andy: You serious? Hope: Oh, my god. Hope: Um, sorry, we have to go. We have a. P. English. Lisbon: We'll walk you. So tell us about this party monday night. You didn't say anything about it before. Why? And don't lie or I'll know. Win: We were drinking beer, ma'am. Andy: Shut up. Win: What? We're all gonna be applying for college soon, all right? We can't get caught for drinking. Hope: My mom would exterminate me. Andy: Plus we were trespassing. The beach at Devon Point is totally, uh, private property. Jane: Danny, what does devon point mean to you? Danny: Uh, it's... It's my dad's land, and, uh, he's building these heinous condos. We go there to spite him, I guess. Lisbon: Who else was there that night? Win: Us and Flipper, that's all. It wasn't exactly raging. We all cut out about 10:00, 10:30 maybe. Andy: Chris stayed to clean up. She's all, uh, "save our oceans," you know? Lisbon: Did Flipper leave then, too? Andy: He cut out early, after we ran out of brews. Win: Do you think he came back, maybe? Hope: Like, flipper did it? No. Danny: We shouldn't have left her there, guys. Hope: She wanted to stay. You ask me, she was meeting somebody. Danny: Shut up, Hope. You don't know that. Hope: No, but I think it, and so do you. Danny asked her to go home with him, and she said no. Jane: You and Chris were lovers? Danny: Lovers? Uh, no. We hooked up on occasion. Jane: You made love. You were lovers. Danny: No. Uh, I mean, andy was totally there, too, right, Andy? Andy: Yeah. Danny: It wasn't a big deal. We're all just friends. Andy and I hook up with Hope, too, sometimes. Doesn't mean we're... Lovers. Hope: Yeah. That would be weird. Jane: Yeah, I guess. You ever hear of anyone named Pops? Danny: Pops? Jane: Yeah. Danny: Uh, no. Jane: Okay. Well, that's all we need for now. Thank you. Danny: Thanks. Hope: Thank you. Jane: Don't leave town. Lisbon: That's a cop joke. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny's Father's Construction Site Rayburn: How long you gonna be, you think? Lisbon: Mr. Rayburn, Christine Tanner's murder may have occurred here. It takes as long as it takes. Rayburn: I already got the developer way up my tailpipe. We're three weeks behind thanks to the crappy labor pool here. Economy like this, and people just don't show up for work? Boggles my mind. Lisbon: Anybody not show up lately? Rayburn: Night guard just this week walked off the job. Cement truck shows up in the morning, can't get on the freakin' site. That alone put me back six hours. Lisbon: When did he quit? Rayburn: Monday. Jane: What section were you working then? Rayburn: Southeast quad. Lisbon: What's his name, the night guard? Rayburn: Eddie Garcia. I got his paperwork in the site office if you want it. Worker: Jorge! What are you, nuts? That load goes over here. Jane looks around the construction site. And more particularity a concrete block Lisbon: The paperwork? Rayburn: Right. What, you think he might have, uh, done this murder? Jane finds a nose in the concrete Jane: Lisbon! Come take a look at this. Lisbon: What? Oh, yeah. Mr. Rayburn? Jane: See that? Rayburn: What is it? Jane: Tip of Eddie Garcia's nose. Rayburn: Get out of here. (He touch his) AH ! After being at the site Lisbon: How is it you don't even notice a nose in your floor? Rayburn: That's what I'm telling you. We're trying to finish this thing too fast. Kurtik: What the hell's going on? Oh, for heaven sakes. Is-is that a person, someone I employ? Lisbon: We think so. Kurtik: God help me. If it's not one thing, it's... Lisbon: Mr. Kurtik? Dan Kurtik? Kurtik: Oh, sure. Right, just talk to my lawyers. As you saw, I have no knowledge of this regrettable incident. Lisbon: C. B. I. Serious crimes unit. Kurtik: Serious crimes? (He laughes) The man fell into wet cement. If someone had been here with a camera, he'd be on "america's funniest videos." Serious crimes? Come on, guys. Lisbon: I'm sorry, sir. This is now a crime scene. You're gonna have to suspend work until we're done investigating. Kurtik: Suspend work? Hell, I'm calling Tommy Alvarez-the sheriff. Jane: We believe this situation is related to the death of Christine Tanner. You know her? Kurtik: I've heard the name, obviously. It's been on the news. Jane: Your son Danny and Christine were close. You never met her? Kurtik: Maybe I have. My son has a lot of friends. Is this an interrogation? Jane: Is it Lisbon: No, sir, it isn't. We appreciate your cooperation. We'll be in touch, maybe. Thank you. He begins to leave Jane: Hey, Pops? Hear you're good in bed. What's the secret? Kurtik: I don't know what you're talking about, but you mean to be offensive, I guess, and you've succeeded very well. And I'm going to be taking this up with your superiors. What is your name? Jane: My name is Patrick Jane... Lisbon: Jane, stop ! Jane: And I have no superiors. And I'll tell you what I'm talkin' about, you sweaty little pervert. Lisbon: Jane! Jane: You were having sx with a 15-year-old girl. Lisbon: Jane, stop. Kurtik: I never touched Christine Tanner. Jane: Liar. Kurtik: And believe me when I tell you that you just now made the worst mistake of your miserable little life. Jane: Believe me, no matter how this turns out, I've made worse mistakes, and you're lying about Christine Tanner. You were laying her like carpet. Arrest him, lisbon. Statutory rape. Lisbon: With what evidence? Jane: He's playing rockabilly. '50s music. What more do you want? Lisbon: I can only apologize for my colleague's bizarre behavior. I'm sorry. Jane: Lisbon, hush. Don't be so damn blinkered. Look at him. He was raping her, all right. I just don't know yet whether he killed her as well. (To Kurtik) Did you kill her? Look me in the eye and tell me the truth, you filthy old goat. Kurtik hits Jane on the nose Lisbon: Get him! (To Jane) How-how dare you? To CBI Minelli: You brought him all the way back here why? Lisbon: The local sheriff begged me not to put him in his jail. Kurtik's a big cheese down there. Minelli: That is a signal. Is that not a signal that we should cut this man loose? Lisbon: He hit jane pretty good. People were watching. I had to arrest him. Minelli: This guy is connected. This guy is... He has the governor's home phone number. And we both know that Jane was asking for it. You couldn't just give kurtik a stern talking-to instead? Lisbon: What about Christine Tanner, sir? If Kurtik was having s*x with her, that gives him motive to kill. Minelli: If, and that's a hunch based on rockabilly. Lisbon: It's a Jane hunch. You keep him around for a reason. Look, just let us work Kurtik until his lawyer gets here. Maybe we can get something more. Minelli: All right. Work him gently. Interrogation Room Cho: Do you have a thing for youngsters in general, dane? Or was it Christine in particular that appealed to you? That I can understand, because you know, you meet some 15-year-olds, hey're just as smart and mature and articulate as any adult, right? They are adults, basically. Maybe christine was one of them. Kurtik: Are you serious? Do you actually obtain confessions with that gambit? Cho: All the time. Kurtik: Amazing. People are stupid. Listen, I admire cops. I think you do a great job, and I'm happy to sit here and chat with you until my lawyer gets here. But I'm not gonna say anything you want to hear. So relax, huh? Jane and Lisbon look over the scene Jane: He's not, is he? He's not gonna confess. Lisbon: What'd you think, he'd break under the bad lighting conditions? Jane: Let's go back to Devon Point. Lisbon: What for? Jane: So I can put the second half of my cunning plan into effect. Lisbon: Jane, wait. What cunning plan? He picks up his phone Jane: Uh, Danny, hi. Patrick Jane. Listen, we need your help. Do you want to help us catch Christine's killer? Okay, then. Good. Meet me at Devon Point with your friends in, uh, two hours. Great. He hangs up Lisbon: What cunning plan? Lawyer Kurtik arrives Kurtik: Just so you know, I'm suing the C. B. I.And the attorney general's office for wrongful arrest and unlawful imprisonment, and I will drop this suit when they fire you and agent lisbon. Jane: Best of luck. Kurtik: You're not scared of me, huh? That's a mistake. Lisbon: Keep walking, mr. Kurtik, or I'm gonna have to arrest you again. Kurtik: If you were 15 years younger, I'd give you a shot. Devon Point Danny: Mr. Jane? Mr. Jane? Jane: Thanks for coming. The police need your help. First christine, then the security guard. They're at a loss. Did the guard stumble across chris being killed? Maybe it was some kind of love triangle. Tell me, do you sincerely want to help catch christine's murderer, even if the killer is someone close to you? All 4: Yes, of course. Absolutely. Jane: Your friend flipper served time for assaulting a woman. Did you know that? Andy: It was flipper? He did it? Jane: Could be. Then again, danny, christine and your father were having an affair. Danny: Wait. What? Jane: Yeah. Danny: No way. No, no. That's-that's ridiculous. No. Hope: Danny, get real. We knew. We all knew. Danny: Well, what did you expect me to do, turn in my own dad ? I mean, it's- it's not like he forced chris to do it, you know? She-she was- she was into it. Jane: Was it your father you thought she was going to meet with that night? Hope: Yes. Danny: No. Well, i-i don't know. Jane: Well, just 'cause they're having an affair doesn't mean your father killed christine. Andy: It could have been flipper. Jane: Right. Or someone else. Win: Did-didn't you say you had a way of finding out? Jane: Actually... A way you can find out. Jane: I want to hypnotize you all so that you can remember details of that night. It's safe. I'm fully trained. Hell, I used to hypnotize people for a living. Win: Um, no-no, thanks. Jane: Your subconscious minds may recall things that could help us find the killer. Hypnosis will let you come up with those things. Danny: Well, what- what kind of things? Jane: Who knows? Maybe something chris said, maybe a glimpse of someone on the bluff there. The smallest detail that you can recall could be a vital clue. Danny: I don't want you messing around inside my head, man. No offense. Ah, but that's the thing. With hypnosis, I can't mesmerize you against your will. It's not possible. You are in control the whole time. What do you say? Good. Teenagers sit down Jane: I want you to close your eyes... And listen. Listen only to my voice. Think. Think back to that night. The bonfire... The sound of the ocean. The sound of the ocean. I don't know what you will recall of that night, but I know that you will recall something, Because it's all there in your memory. All you have to do is go back, back to that night and be there. And there you are. Hope: Ah ! Jane: What is it, hope? What do you see? Hope: I see danny's father there above the rocks. Danny: No, you don't. Jane: What is he doing? Hope: Staring at us, at chris. That's it. He's staring. What's wrong with him? Jane: Come back, Hope ! Hope: What-what happened? Jane: You're okay. You did very well, thank you. Win: You really saw mr. Kurtik? Danny: No, you didn't. You didn't. Hope: Danny, I'm sorry. I can't help what I saw. Danny: My dad didn't kill christine! Hope: How do you know he didn't? Andy: Yeah, how do you know? Danny: You know what? Screw all of you guys, okay? You guys suck! Hope: Oh, danny, wait! Don't be mad! Danny, wait! Danny! Come on, stop. Win: Ah, danny's mad. We should go. Andy: Screw Danny. His dad killed Christine. Win: Yeah, well, it's late anyway. Jane: Thanks for your help, guys. Andy: No problemo. To CBI Jane: So what do you think? Did it work? I think... Three, two, one... Now. (He showes the door) How cool would it have been if one had walked in right then, huh? Hope arrives, Lisbon is surprised Hope: Did you arrest him? Did he confess? Jane: Mr. Kurtik? No. Lisbon: Thing is, Hope, mr. Kurtik has a cast-iron alibi for that evening. Jane: So you couldn't have seen him standing there on that bluff. Hope: But that's so weird. In my trance, I saw him clear as day. Maybe it's symbolic. Jane: You want symbolic? You're a hawk, and christine was a rabbit. Hope: What does that even mean? Jane: Bird of prey, rabbit... You tell me. What it means is you never liked Christine Tanner. Hope: Not true! Jane: What it means is I never really hypnotized you. You pretended to be in a trance to give us a fake story and incriminate an innocent man. Hope: No! no. Interrogation Room Lisbon: Just tell us what happened that night. Jane: From the beginning. Hope: Flipper had already left, wasted as usual. Flashback: Danny and Christine kiss. They drink, laugh... Hope: The guard told us to get out, or he'd call the cops. Danny told him to step off. His dad owns the place. Danny hit the guard. He stays down. Christine: He's dead. Flashback's end Hope: He didn't mean to. It was an accident. We couldn't help the guard, see? But danny we could. So we all promised not to tell, all of us... Except Chris. Not Chris. You've gotta understand, everything Danny had worked for his whole life was just washing away because Chris has to do the right thing. He just hit her over the head, and then she was still moving, So he dragged her to the trough there and... Drowned her in it, held her under until she stopped moving. Lisbon: And you, win and andy didn't say a word- two people murdered. Hope: What if I was next? I've never seen Danny like that. He was like a different person or something. Jane: Okay. You're safe now. Van Pelt knocks at the door Lisbon: Excuse us. Danny expects them Danny: I-I can't let my dad be punished for something he didn't do, no matter what a tool he is. Jane: So you're confessing. Danny: What? Jane: We know it was you that killed Christine and the guard. Danny: What? No, no, no, that's not right. Who told you that? They return to the interrogation room Danny: It's so completely not true that it's insane. How can you do this? I mean, i-i knew you had a cold streak, but this? Hope: Danny, I'm sorry. I had to tell the truth. You're only making it worse by lying. You're only deceiving yourself. Danny: It was her, okay? It was her who killed Chris. Hope was jealous of her ever since she started hanging out with us. Used to be Hope who was all that. Then Chris came along, and we only hooked up with Hope when Chris wasn't around. Hope: That's so distorted and not true! Danny: No, I am telling the truth now. The security guard... Just take him! It was an accident. And then chris said she was gonna call the police. She-she said we couldn't cover it up because it'd be wrong. Then hope- i-i don't even know. Hope just went crazy... (We see Hope hit Chris) Hit her! She hit her! Hope: I did it for you, jerk! I did it for you! She was doing his dad! She's acting as a judge over his life, telling him his life is over and that he's going to jail because she's-she's gotta show integrity and morals. She was a prissy, hypocritical bitch, and she was gonna ruin his life. Van Pelt knocks at the door again. Win and Andy wait. Win: It was flipper. Lisbon: Oh, really? Andy: Yeah, it was flipper. Jane: What if I said it was you, Andy? You killed Christine. Andy: What? That's bull. That's ridiculous. Return to the room Jane: Have a seat. Don't be shy. Andy: I didn't kill her, man. Jane: Sure you did. (At Win) So did you... (At Hope) And you... (At Danny) And you. All four of you killed her. Hope was always smarter than any of you. You never appreciated that. She made all of you take part to make all of you equally guilty, so that no one could tell on the others. And now you're all equally under arrest. Lisbon: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot... She arrests them. We see Mr. Kurtick arrested. Jack: Statutory rape, huh? What'll he get? Lisbon: He probably won't serve time, not without Christine's testimony. But we'll have fun trying. You have good kids. Jack: Yeah. I do. Lisbon: You're all they have. Jack: Yeah, I know. He begins to leave Lisbon: Be good to them. Jack: I am good to them. Lisbon: My father was a good man, just like you are. And after my mother died, he was a self-pitying drunk just like you are. He killed himself-damn near killed me and my brothers, too. Get some help. Your kids deserve it. So do you.	Plan: A: team; Q: Who does Patrick Jane work with? A: the quintessential California world; Q: What world of surfing does Patrick Jane plunge into? A: a high school girl's body; Q: What washes up on a state beach? A: Ditch water; Q: What is in the victim's lungs that suggests she was drowned? A: her body; Q: What was dumped in the ocean as a cover-up? A: her four surfer friends; Q: Who was the victim last seen with? A: a condo development; Q: What is the site of the beach bonfire soon to be? A: the teens; Q: Who does Jane think knows more than they're willing to admit? A: the condo construction site security guard; Q: Who was found murdered and hidden in a block of cement? A: evidence; Q: What proves the security guard died the same night as the victim? A: the four friends; Q: Who did Jane set a mentalist trap to get to turn on each other? A: their collective guilt; Q: What shocking truth does Jane reveal to the four friends? Summary: Patrick Jane and team plunge into the quintessential California world of surfing when a high school girl's body washes up on a state beach. Ditch water in her lungs suggests she was drowned elsewhere and her body was dumped in the ocean as a cover-up. Since the victim was last seen with her four surfer friends at a beach bonfire, soon to be the site of a condo development, Jane surmises the teens know more than they're willing to admit. And when the condo construction site security guard is found murdered and hidden in a block of cement, with evidence proving he died the same night as the victim, Jane sets a mentalist trap to get the four friends to turn on each other after they try framing someone, and reveal the shocking truth of their collective guilt.
[Scene: The Movie set. The set has been made up like the set of Saturday Night Fever, with a lot of people dressed in 70's Clothing and disco dancing ] [Disco music playing] Todd: All Right. And cut on rehearsal. Dawson: Here you go. Todd: Oh, you're a bloody lifesaver. Dawson: All right, that's your fourth one today. I'm thinking of staging an intervention. Todd: Ever since a certain idiot assistant convinced me to quit smoking, I've turned into some sort of cyborg-like eating machine. Dawson: Uh, I don't know, this isn't nicotine-Jones Todd, this is more like nervous-Todd. Todd: Nervous-Todd? Dawson: One of the many faces of Todd. There's drunk- and-belligerent-Todd, there's sober- and-belligerent-Todd, there's creepy/horny-Todd. The rarest of them all is sweet-Todd, but that's usually accompanied by hidden-agenda-Todd. Todd: Thanks for the abuse, mate. Truly. Spot-on. Dawson: You know... I find it depressing that even you are thrown into a tizzy just 'cause some guy is coming to shoot a cameo. Todd: I seem to remember a certain assistant getting all hot and bothered simply transferring a call from A... Mr. Spielberg. Dawson: Ok, that was completely different. Spielberg is a cinema god. Max Winter is just some lame movie star. Todd: Yeah, well, that so-called lame movie star could do for this project what Janet Leigh did for psycho or Drew Barrymore did for scream. D-do you have any idea what we went through to book him, Dawson? We're extremely lucky it worked out, mate. Max: Todd Carr, you freakin' genius! I finally get to work with you, and I get killed off in the first 15 minutes? Todd: Fear not, me ol' mocker, we're bringing you back in the sequel as a flesh-eating zombie. Sounds great, but we gotta work around Spielberg. Todd: Indeed. Indeed. Max: Hi. I'm max. Dawson: Hi. Dawson, Todd's assistant. You--you're really gonna work with Spielberg? Max: Yeah, we finally worked out our schedules for this project. So, after we shoot, you guys gotta show me where to have some fun around here. What do you say, Dawson? Dawson: Sure. Max: And, uh, as for my co-star? Todd: The lovely Natasha. Max: Yes. I will definitely need a word with her. I always like to, uh, get to know whoever I'm working with. Todd: [Chuckles] [He looks from Max to Todd and sees the angry look on Dawson's face.] [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is sitting at the bar studying, when Eddie comes over to join her at the bar.] Eddie: Hey. Joey: Hey. Did you just get here? Eddie: Yeah, 10 minutes ago. I didn't wanna disturb your studying. Joey: Oh, you couldn't disturb me any more than this stupid song. Could you please kill whoever put this on the jukebox? Eddie: That would be me. Joey: Oh. Sorry. It-it's just I'm trying to study, and it's my last final, and it's for Heston's class, so, of course, there's a lot of ground to cover, and I wanna do really well, you know, and it's-- it's this song. I Eddie: So, why don't you just study at the library? Joey: I tried. It's packed. There are people sitting on the floor in the bathroom of the library. Eddie: What about the dorm? Joey: Too many parties. Most people are done with finals. When I left, they were having a naked slippy-slide down the hall. Eddie: Mmm. Mmm. Joey: Ha ha. Eddie: Mmm. Ha ha. Well, you know, you could, you could go to my place. Joey: Well, well, well. Sounds suspiciously like a lame attempt to get me into your bed, Mr. Doling. Eddie: Well, you may get in my bed, if you please, ms. Potter, but unfortunately for me, I'll be here. I work till close. But you can study as long as you want and just leave the keys under the mat when you go. [She quickly begins packing up all her books before he can even finish speaking] Joey: You are amazing. Eddie: Well, you know. Joey: The best. Eddie: Keys. Joey: Thank you. The best. Eddie: Have fun. [Scene: Emma's Apartment. Emma is angrily cleaning the toilet, when Pacey comes walking by the open door dressed for work. He stops and turns to talk to her.] Emma: [Under her breath] Stupid male flat mate. Buggery wuggery wankery Pacey: Emma. There you are. Wow. May I say that you are looking ravishing today? Emma: And yet I can't even see you because you're so transparent. What do you want, Pacey? Pacey: Very intuitive of you. I do actually need a small favor. Emma: Ok, but first I have a question for you as I sit here scrubbing up our collective filth. Pacey: Shoot. Emma: Have you ever even heard of a toilet brush? Pacey: Yes. It's the little brush you're using to clean the toilet. [She throws the toilet brush at him] Pacey: Ooh! Ow, ha ha, ok. All right, I--I deserve that. That's fine. And that favor I was asking for, it's not really a favor so much. It's really, uh, it's like a proposition, which, I think you'll have to agree with me, is a far more enticing word. Emma: Spare me the sales pitch, Pacey, and get on with it. I have band practice in an hour. Pacey: Well, to outfit yourself for said proposition, which you have yet to hear the dazzling details of, you will be needing a new dress, and I am willing to take you to a house of high fashion and buy you said new dress, which will become your favorite dress. It will, in fact, become your head-turning dress, and it will only be complete when it is filled out, by you, tomorrow night at my big office party. Emma: No. See, sitting in a fluorescent-lit office with a bunch of depressing, uptight suits getting drunk and pretending to be merry until one of them gropes me in the copy room sounds like a load of something, Pacey, but it's certainly not fun. Pacey: It would actually be my guess that they'll turn off the fluorescent lights and go with those twinkly little string lights 'cause they're cheery and it's a holiday party. Emma: And yet my answer is still no. Pacey: Ok, fine. I'll pay you 25 bucks. Emma: So now I'm a prostitute? Pacey: [Laughs] No, of course not. I'll make you a deal. I will clean this bathroom and wash those dishes for 2 weeks. Emma: 6 months! Pacey: What?! [Scoffs] One month. Emma: 2 months or no deal. Pacey: Oh, yeah. You're tryin' to play hardball. Uh-uh. [He turns and walks away, but quickly returns] Pacey: [Mumbling] Ok, fine! Deal! Emma: [Laughs] All right, well, I am gonna go to band practice. I'll be back later so you can buy me my new dress. See ya later. [Scene: Natasha's Trailer. Natasha and Dawson are sitting together on the couch talking about things, including the new cameo actor Max.] Natasha: Oh, my god. I'm gonna meet Max Winter! I'm gonna act with Max Winter. Dawson: He's got a lot of hair, that guy. Natasha: I'm gonna kiss Max Winter. [Knock on door] Natasha: Ah. Max: Hi. I'm Max. Natasha: Uh-huh. Max: I believe we're gonna be working together. Natasha: Uh-huh. Max: I was wondering if you wanted to run some lines. Natasha: Uh-huh. Max: Cool. [Max comes in and sees Dawson sitting on the Couch] Max: Oh, hello again. Dawson: Hey, max. Max: Hey, if I'm interrupting you guys, I Natasha: No. Sit. Run lines. Great. [They begin going through lines in the script] Max: Ahem. "There's a killer on the loose in this city, baby. "Streets aren't safe for a girl like you." Natasha: "I'm all woman and nobody's baby." [He stops and turns to Dawson who has gotten up and headed to the other end of the trailer.] Max: Hey. Um... would you mind leaving us alone? You see, when I'm rehearsing, I--I feel really... vulnerable. Dawson: Right, of course, I'll--I'll leave you guys alone. Max: Thanks. Dawson, right? Dawson: Right. Max: Thanks, Dawson. [Dawson leaves] [Scene: The Dress Shop. Emma and Pacey are shopping for a dress for Emma to wear to the party. Emma is going through the dresses, and Pacey is getting impatient.] Pacey: What about this one? Emma: [Laughs] That looks like something my grandmother would wear. Pacey: It's slit halfway up the thigh! Emma: What can I say? My gran's a sexy lady. Pacey: All right, look, we've been here for over an hour. Would you please just try on one? Emma: I just don't see what's wrong with my regular clothes. Pacey: Your regular clothes are held together with safety pins. Emma: I'm cultivating a look. Called individuality. Ever heard of it? Pacey: And this is called I'm buying you a free dress, so stop complaining. You ever heard of that? Now, just try these on, please. Thank you. Emma: [Emma groans] [Cut to the dressing area. Pacey waits outside as Emma tries on the dresses.] Emma: Emma: I just--I don't see what the big deal is about some little office party. Pacey: You know, there's actually a small confession I should probably make about this little office party. 'Cause it's not like your average typical office party. It's more of a, uh, s [Emma comes out in a hot black dress, which stops Pacey in the middle of his sentence.] Emma: A what? Pacey: Damn. Emma: I know. I look ridiculous. I feel ridiculous. Pacey: No, no. That's it. That's the dress. Emma: Are you sure? It's $300. Pacey: Ok, well, then $300 it is because that's it. You look amazing, Emma. You've got to wear that tomorrow night. [Scene: Eddies Apartment. Eddie comes home to find Joey asleep on his bed. He pulls the blankets up on to her, and then goes to sleep on the floor next to the bed. Cut to the next morning, where we wee Joey still asleep in bed. The camera pans past the clock which reads 6:20am, and over to Eddie who takes a seat next to the bed with a cup of hot coffee, and he reaches over and brushes the hair off Joey's face, and whispers to wake her up.] Eddie: [Whispering] Joey. Joey. Hi. Joey: [Laughs] See, I told you you'd find a way for me to end up in your bed. Eddie: It was all part of my devilish plan. Joey: I knew it. Eddie: Here. I know it's early, but I didn't want you to miss your test. Do you know, I don't know your morning routine. Maybe you need some time to adjust to consciousness and all that. Joey: Very considerate Mr. Dolling, but I'm ready for it. I swear, I know this stuff so well, I'm gonna set the curve. Eddie: I knew you could do it, tiger. [she kisses him] Eddie: What was that for? Joey: For calling me tiger. I kinda liked it. Eddie: [Chuckles] So, once you nailed the material, did you make good use of your private time in my humble abode? Joey: What do you mean? Eddie: You know, looking for skeletons in closets, deep dark secrets hidden away in drawers. Joey: Now, what kind of a person would do that? Eddie: Oh, all people. Joey: All right. Just the medicine cabinet, and we'll discuss the dandruff shampoo later, but I practically tripped over your ice skates, what's that about? Eddie: Ah, I--I play hockey. Joey: They were figure skates. Eddie: All right, so I may skate a little. You know, I happen to possess a certain masculine grace. Joey: You think I'm gonna let you get away with that one, huh? Eddie: Well, then I guess I'm gonna have to figure out a way to keep you quiet. [They begin kissing. When Joey stops them after a bit] Eddie: I have to tell you something. Now there's a sentence every guy loves to hear at moments like these. Joey: [Laughs] No, it's just, you know, um, Eddie, you know, I'm--I'm-- [Sighs] I'm not the kind of girl who sleeps with a guy after only one date. Eddie: Really? Because I usually sleep with girls after only one date, like, at least once a week. Joey: No. All I'm saying is that... I have a certain pattern when it comes to sx. Um, long, protected, tension-filled waiting period. You know, full of dramatic buildup, you know, possibly lasting years Eddie: Joey, I wasn't, you know, expecting anything here. I don't mind taking it slow. Joey: That's nice, um, but, um, it's not what I mean. See... I was sort of telling you about my pattern because... when I woke up this morning, I reached my arm across the bed kind of wishing that you hadn't taken the floor last night. And, um... I was lying here just trying to think of one reason not to break my tradition with you, right here, and I couldn't think of one. You can say something quick right now before I die of embarrassment. [He kisses her.] Eddie: How's that? Is that ok? Joey: That'll do. That'll do. [Both laugh] [They begin making out then go back onto the bed, begin making out, and he lies her down on the bed, and camera fades] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Eddie's Apartment Later on. Eddie and Joey are lying asleep in bed after having had sx, Joey wakes and looks into Eddie's eyes as he awakes too.] Eddie: Hi. Joey: Hi. Eddie: Would it be incredibly corny if I told you how beautiful you look right now? Joey: Yes, and entirely inappropriate since I plan on never calling you again. Eddie: Well, ahem, then at least let me make you some French toast as a way of saying good-bye and best wishes. Joey: Well, that could be arranged, but only if you help me study while we eat. Eddie: I think I could do that. How much time you have? Joey: My exam's at 9:00 and it was barely sunrise when you woke me up, so it can't be much later than that, right? Eddie: Yeah. Are you saying that a proper amount of time wasn't paid to a Joey: Nothing like that. Let me see. [reaches up and grabs the clock] 11:00! Oh, my god! It's 11:00! Eddie: Wait. Are--are you sure? Joey: How could you let me fall asleep? Eddie: I didn't. I mean, I did, you know, but we both sorta just passed out and it was nice. Joey: It was nice? Eddie: Yeah, it was. Look, maybe I'm more fond of spooning than the average guy. Ok, I'm sorry I let you fall asleep, but I didn't know I had to be on Potter-watch. Joey: Oh, and I suppose it's my fault for not saying, "hey, Eddie, don't let me sleep through my monstrously important exam." Yes, it was a nice moment, but one we could've had later on today before my life is ruined. How could I sleep here last night? What the hell was I thinking? Eddie: Ok, calm down. Ok? Joey: I have one hour left in my 3-hour exam. I'm 20 minutes away from campus, and you're telling me to calm down? Eddie: All right, come on. Look, I'll have you there in 10 minutes. Let's go. Joey: All right, all right all right, all right. [Scene: Eddie's Car outside the English building. The pull up and Joey begins to open the door even before the car is fully stopped.] Eddie: Joey, hey, Joey, Joey! [She runs out ignoring him and goes into the class room, where everyone is already taking the test. She quickly takes a seat and opens the test.] Instructor: That's half-hour. You have 30 minutes to complete the exam. [Scene: Pacey's Workplace. Pacey is sitting alone waiting for Emma, when Rich come over with an attractive woman in tow.]] Rich: Witter. Allow me to introduce the lovely Candace, my date for this evening's festivities. Pacey: Pleasure to meet you. Candace: Likewise. Rich: And where might your date be? Pacey: She's on her way. Rich: Hmm. [Emma comes in. She has altered her dress by cutting it up and adding safety pins to accentuate it.] Emma: Oh! God. Sorry. Hi, Pacey. I almost couldn't find you. There's so many suits, it's like looking for one individual cow in a whole field of 'em. Hi. I'm Emma. Rich: Hi. Rich Rinaldi. And this is Candace. What a fabulous dress. Emma: Thank you. Pacey bought it for me. I did have to make a few modifications, of course. I hope he doesn't mind. Pacey: Oh, no, no. Not at all. Um, could you two excuse us for just one second? Emma, may I have a word in private? Be right back. Rich: [Chuckles] Uh-huh. [He takes her into the conference room.] Pacey: What did you do to that dress? Emma: You don't like it? Pacey: Like it? I spent $300 on it and I might as well have bought you a box of rags. Emma: Rags? Are you kidding me? Feel this fabric. This is the good stuff. The kitchen shears went through it like butter. Pacey: I--I don't even know what to say to that. Emma: I shall be by the punch bowl. If you like twirling me about, come find me. [Scene: The movie Set. Natasha and Max are shooting their scene on the dance floor in the 70's disco party.] [Disco music playing] Natasha: So, do you want to talk all night or do you want to dance? Max: First things first, baby. [They begins dancing really bad disco dancing] Todd: And... cut! Beautiful! That was hot, guys! Loved it! They've got really good chemistry, didn't you think? Dawson: Uh, sure. Yeah. Max: Yeah. That last take was killer, huh? Natasha: I was totally in the moment. [Cut to Dawson who can hear them through the headset he is wearing] Max: Yeah, me, too. So, your boyfriend probably isn't too happy about me kissing you. Natasha: Oh, I don't have a boyfriend. Max: What about that guy from your trailer? Are you two Natasha: Who? Dawson? God, no, he's a P.A. Max: That's cool. So do you wanna work on the dance moves again? Natasha: Sure. Max: Out...and back [We see Todd who is standing behind Dawson talking to some of the other crew members, but he is also wearing his headphones and heard everything too. Ho goes over behind Dawson and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.] Todd: Dawson. Dawson: Yeah. Todd: Could you get me a cup of coffee, mate? Dawson: Sure. [Scene: Outside Heston's House. Joey goes up to the door and knocks. Heston comes and opens the door, and isn't surprised to see Joey there.] [Doorbell rings] Heston: Oh, goodie, I was hopin' it was you. Joey: I'm sorry to bother you at home. I went to your office and your classroom. I couldn't find you, and I really need to talk to you. Heston: Yeah, no, I know, I was made aware of your situation through the 27 messages you left on my office voicemail. Joey: Well, look, I studied for your test more than I've ever studied for anything in my life. And you know how far I've come in your class, it's just that-- well, I lost track of time and Heston: Gazing into the abyss of your future again? Joey: Look, let me have a re-test. Heston: No. Joey: Look, I was up all night studying! I fell asleep and then I woke up early, before sunrise early, and then I fell back asleep, and I was disoriented, I wasn't even in my own Heston: Wasn't even in your own what? Joey: I wasn't even in my own room. Heston: Look... it is your responsibility to get to the test on time, and since you couldn't get past question number one, that's an automatic "f," which brings your grade for the semester to a nice, healthy "D." So, you see, it-it's not so bad. You still pass. Night, Potter. Joey: Oh, professor Heston, no matter how you feel about me personally, you can't be this vindictive. Heston: All right, now, see, that's where you're wrong. This is not about vindictiveness. This is about rationality. I have to apply the same set of standards to all of my students or else I'm really not being fair. It's nothin' personal. It's a tough break, kid. I feel for ya. [Heston closes the good, and Joey just goes and sits on the steps of the porch and begins crying into her hands.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Movie Set. The 70's Disco set. Max is lying on the ground with fake blood all over his shirt, and Natasha is kneeling next to him and crying. The rest of the people are standing all around them looking on. ] Natasha: I won't let you die. Max: It's too late for me, baby. Just promise me one thing. Keep on dancing. Natasha: Noooooo! [Cut over to Dawson and Todd who are watching the shot through the monitor on the table in front of them.] Todd: And...cut! That was beautiful! Check the gate! That's a wrap on max! Let's all congratulate Max on a job well done, yeah? [Applause] Todd: And on schedule. Hate to lose you, mate. You did a fabulous job. Max: Ahh. I know. Todd: Right. [Todd and Max walk off and Natasha comes bouncing over to Dawson.] Natasha: Hey! Dawson: Hey. Natasha: So aren't you gonna say anything about my performance? Dawson: Yeah, you were-- you were great. You're always great. You're a-- a real actress, Natasha. Natasha: Yeah, I was just ok, but isn't Max amazing? Dawson: Yeah, he's really good. Natasha: Um, so, listen, I know we had plans to hang out tonight, but Max sorta asked me to have a drink. You know, kind of a good-bye, nice workin'-with-ya sorta thing. You can totally come if you want to. Dawson: You know what I just remembered? Uh, Todd wanted to go over the shot list for tomorrow. Natasha: Ok, but maybe I could come by later... after I get back? Dawson: Yeah, sure. Natasha: Great. Bye. [Scene: Pacey's Workplace. The party is going on, and Emma is eating a pig in a blanket, while Pacey is eating a baby ear of corn, by nibbling the corn off rather than eating the whole thing.] Emma: [Laughs] Oh, my god. You have to try one of these piggety blankety thingies, they're amazing! Pacey: You obviously weren't raised on 'em like I was. [Emma looks at Pacey as he nibbles away and begins snickering] Pacey: What? Emma: Didn't you specialize in haute cuisine or some such nonsense before you became a raging sellout? Pacey: Your point being? Emma: You can just chomp those things down there, Pacey. Pacey: Oh, sure, but then I'd lose the comic effect, and it'd be far less charming. Emma: Oh, I see. This is your dating schtick, is it? How you nibble delicately on that petite corn. Pacey: This isn't workin' for ya? Emma: [Laughs] Very dainty. Pacey: Ok, now, admit it. You are having fun. Emma: Oh, I admit nothing, I am simply giddy on all the free food. Pacey: And your charming and chivalrous date, of course. Emma: Ah, don't get any ideas on me, Pacey. Pacey: Oh, I'm not. I'm just sayin'. [Rich comes over to join them again] Rich: Hey, Emma, right? That is a great dress. Emma: Thank you. Rich: It's just so stylish and unique, what--with what you did with all the pins. Emma: Oh, I see. You're taking the piss, aren't you? Rich: I'm sorry? Emma: Taking the piss. Having a laugh at my expense 'cause you think my dress is stupid and you're a small-minded jerk who's no doubt... small in other areas as well. Pacey: [Laughs] Emma, do you want to go use the dance floor? Rich: Wow. She dances, too. Well, you're practically a member of Fagan's gang, aren't you? Emma: How delightfully condescending of you, dick. Rich: Rich. Emma: I know. Now, tell me, when you woke up this morning and picked your little outfit, did you think, "hmm, I want to look like a money-grubbing schmuck with no imagination," or is that just a happy accident? Pacey: Well, that's one of life's little mysteries we're just not gonna solve tonight, so, shall we? Rich: Keep your mouth shut, Witter. Your special friend here is doing [British accent] A splendid job ruining your image all by herself. Emma: You know what? I'm going to go to the loo before I say something Pacey regrets. [She leaves them] Rich: Oh, oh, oh, Witter. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey comes somberly into the bar, and Eddie grabs her apron from behind the bar and hands it to her. She half-heartedly takes it from him.] Joey: Thanks. Eddie: So I've been thinking... it's gonna be ok. I mean, all you gotta do is talk to Heston, reason with him. I'm sure--I'm sure he'll understand. Joey: I tried, actually. Um...surprisingly, he doesn't care. That's it. I'm gonna lose my scholarship. It's over. Eddie: Well, let's not get melodramatic. Joey: Melodramatic? Eddie: I'm--I'm just saying relax, you know? I think maybe you're having a little worst-case-scenario freak-out here. Maybe you're forgetting the bigger things at hand. Joey: Oh, what exactly is bigger than my getting kicked out of college? Eddie: You see? You've already escalated from losing your scholarship to getting kicked out of school. You just take all this stuff way too seriously. Joey: Oh, and I guess what I'm learning about you is that you don't take anything seriously. Eddie: No, I just try to pay attention to the things that matter. Joey: And what matters to you, Eddie, because to me, Worthington is kind of a ride out of a previously lacking existence! You know, I don't know what your dreams are, so I don't know how to explain it to you. It-- you know, come to think of it, I don't really know anything about you at all. Eddie: Well, I don't know. You're usually pretty good at assuming things about me. Joey: Yeah. Everything I think about you, I've pretty much strung together through flimsy assumptions. Eddie: Well, maybe your powers of deduction are particularly strong. Joey: You know what? Maybe I should have just stuck to my original pattern. Eddie: Oh, yeah, because that was making you so happy. Joey: Well, at least I knew what I was getting myself into. Everything new I try just seems to backfire. Eddie: That's how people grow up, Jo. They learn from their mistakes. Joey: Yeah, well, I guess what I'm learning is that avoiding Joey Potter's path less taken is probably the smarter way to go. Eddie: Look... I'm sorry you missed your test... but I don't want what happened last night to be a mistake to you. But I guess it was. [Scene: The women's bathroom. Emma is in one of the stalls while two women are out by the mirror, primping and talking to each other.] Woman 1: I got this one in the bag. Woman 2: I don't know. I'm lookin' pretty hot tonight Woman 1: hey, how about that punk freak? What is she even doing here? Woman 2: I don't know. Did you get a load of her accent? It's totally fake. Woman 1: I know, and I heard she was really rude to rich. [Emma comes out to join them] Emma: Why shouldn't I be? He's a little wnkr. Woman 1: Yeah, but don't you want to win? Emma: Win what? Woman 2: You mean you don't know what this party's really about? Emma: I'm sorry. What are you talking about? Woman 2: It's a contest. The guy with the hottest date wins 1,000 bucks. [Scene: Pacey's workplace party. Pacey is waiting for Emma to come back, and rich comes walking over to join him.] Rich: Where's your sassy pseudo-punk, Witter? I was hoping for another round. Pacey: Well, surprisingly, she doesn't want to be here right now. And I can't say that I really blame her. Rich: Then why have you been wolfing down the empanadas all night? Pacey: The way you treated her was unnecessary, rich. Emma's not the girl who's gonna play down to your outdated stereotype of the lesser sx. In fact, she's probably the most eloquent and passionate person I've met in a long, long time, and she has far too much grace to be lowering herself to your playing field. Rich: That was beautiful, Witter. I'm sorry your poignant outburst was wasted on me. Pacey: That's not a problem. I've wasted the better part of my evening playing this pathetic game. Rich: If you consider this such a waste of your time, we could remedy that come Monday morning. It's all well and good, this back and forth, but what you seem to have forgotten or what you actually never learned is that I'm your boss. You're not precious to me. In fact, you're on thin ice. You watch it when you open your mouth up to me, Witter. I'm not your friend. I'm the guy who's in charge of your future, which is currently bleak. So we'll [Scene: The Hotel bar. Dawson and Todd are going over the shot list while having a few drinks.] Todd: Then we'll do that bit where she's in the shower. And then we're done. Dawson: Cool. Todd: So speaking of, what are you two lovebirds up to tonight? Dawson: Nothing. Nothing. She's, uh--she's out... with max. Todd: I see. And so you're... Dawson: Sitting here thinking of ways I could kill him. Todd: Productive. Dawson: I don't know what I'm doing, Todd. This isn't like me. I... she lied about our relationship, and I heard her on the headphones. I had a chance to confront her about it, and I didn't. And now she's out with him. She's actually out with him right now, and I didn't say a word about it. So what the hell am I doing? Todd: You're doing what's smart. Look... if you confront her on a little white lie, the likelihood is she'll get mighty upset that you were eavesdropping, and that's it for you and your shagging privileges for the rest of the shoot. I say ignore it. I say ignore it and just try and enjoy the rest of the time you have together. Look, you may very well be the love of Natasha's life. But sadly, you don't affect her next movie offer, plain and simple. So I say just forget about it. No big thing. Dawson: So that's your advice? Just sweep it under the rug like nothing happened? Todd: Yeah, that is my advice, you cheeky bugger. Dawson: That's terrible advice. Todd: And yet good advice if you want to keep shagging Natasha. Dawson: Arrgh! I wish she didn't have this power over me. It's like--sometimes I look at her and I... I forget my own name. It's like all I can think about is Todd: sx? [Everyone in the bar heard him, and turned to stare at them.] Dawson: Yeah. Todd: You see? And they know that. And that's how they walk all over us. Dawson: Technically, isn't it you that does the walking all over in these situations? Todd: Oh, I've been trod upon. Believe you me. Don't even get me started. Dawson: Yeah, I'm just gonna be direct with her. I can't--I'm not gonna make myself crazy over this. I've always been honest with people. Todd: Yeah. Let me know how that works out for you. Dawson: I can't think about this anymore. Todd: Right. Why think when we can drink? Uh, barkeep, 2 shots of whiskey, and bring Dawson whatever he wants. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is serving food to a table, and turns to a table to get their order, and finds that Heston has taken the seat, and is waiting for her to take his order.] Joey: Can I take your order? Heston: I'll take a burger and a beer--a Guinness, please. And I'd like a pickle on the side, please, and a glass of water, if you don't mind, with ice Joey: Can I ask you a question? Heston: Sure. Joey: How can you sit there and order from me and pretend like nothing happened? Why are you even here? Are you--are you trying to torture me? Is that it? Heston: Oh, first of all, that was, like, 4 questions, but no matter. The answer to your first question, how can I just sit here and order from you like nothing happened is twofold. A--from my perspective, not much really did happen. And b--I'm hungry. It didn't even occur to me that it had anything to do with you. Joey: No, just my paltry little life which has come crashing down all around me, thanks to you. Heston: Thanks to who now? [Joey goes to put his order in] Heston: Hey, wait, wait, wait, Joey. You know what? I changed my mind. [Joey turns back with a semi-smile coming across her face] Heston: I don't want French fries. I really feel like onion rings. [She storms off, and Eddie comes out from behind the bar to confront him.] Eddie: Professor Heston. Heston: Great, great, great. Ok, now, let me guess. Uh, you're the knight in shining armor, and I'm the evil dragon in this little play we seem to be doing. Eddie: Look, you have to give her another chance. It wasn't her fault. It was my fault. I made her late for the test. Heston: Look, Eddie, if that even is your real name, I don't care. I don't care how much she studied. I don't care how sorry she is. I don't care how great the s*x was. You're wasting your breath, kid. Go get a kitten out of a tree or something. Eddie: What is your problem, man? I mean, can't you try to be human for once? Heston: Tell me, just where do you think this little relationship with you and Joey is going, anyways? Eddie: I really don't think that's any of your business. Heston: 'Cause, you know, I have an idea. And believe me, it's not gonna be a pretty picture. Ms. Potter is--well, her performance on today's exam notwithstanding-- a gal who's going places, as they say, places that you will not be going, Eddie. Places you can never hope to go. Don't tell me it doesn't make you just a little crazy knowing that she's actually got the life that you tried to fake for yourself. I mean, who knows? Maybe you lured her to your apartment on purpose, right? Tried level the playing field, maybe? Not gonna work, though, Eddie. [We can see Eddie getting angry, and balling his hand into a fist.] She'll still see right through you. She'll still leave, and you'll still be trapped right here. You know, it's a really good thing you look so cute in that little apron of yours, 'cause [He decks Heston with one punch, and storms out of the bar. Joey has seen this and is happy, she watches him go, and simply walks over to Heston's table with a smile on her face and drops the tray on the table.] [Slams tray down] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Hell's Kitchen. Joey is waiting outside when Eddie comes out of the bar. Joey is sitting on the hood of his car waiting.] Eddie: Hey. Joey: Hey. Eddie: What are you doing? Joey: Sitting here waiting for you. Eddie: Oh. Well... I just got fired. Joey: I'm sorry. Eddie: Well, Heston agreed not to sue, so, no, it's not so bad. Joey: Eddie, look, I am... so sorry about before. Eddie: Joey, Joey Joey: No, it's just that-- I tend to Eddie: No. You don't have to. I understand. And I'm sorry I called you melodramatic. Joey: Well... I do tend to escalate things, and you do tend to downplay them. But... somewhere in the middle, something about us still makes sense. If I hadn't overslept and messed things up with Heston, I never would have seen this new side of you. Eddie: So the Potter path less traveled, not so bad? Joey: A rocky start, maybe, but it's kind of nice here. You got a great right hook there, slugger. [He kisses her] Joey: What was that for? Eddie: For calling me slugger. I kinda liked it. Hey, I've got an idea-- something we can do to take our minds off all this. [She gets a twinkle in her eye and a smirk on her face.] Eddie: No. Not that, dirty girl. Something else to take our minds off all this. Come on. [Laughing] [Scene: The hotel. Dawson is going to his room, and sees Max leaving Natasha's room, and Natasha walking him out.] Max: ...So good. Natasha: Oh, max. Max: Oh, my god. I love her. She's got 1/16 of the sexual presence that you have. [Natasha closes the door, and Dawson continues walking down the hall and walks past Max as he leaves] Max: Hey, man. [Dawson goes into his room and there is a knock on the door shortly after he closes it] [Knock on door] Natasha: Hey, I'm glad you're here. I missed you. Yeah. You have fun? Natasha: It was kind of boring. We had a drink, and I've been watching TV in my room ever since. But I've been thinking about you all night. [She begins kissing him, and he doesn't respond] Dawson, come on. I'm standing in front of you asking to come in. Are you honestly gonna send me out into the cold, cold night all by myself? [He warms up and begins kissing her back. He closes the door and the camera fades] [Scene: Emma's Apartment. Emma is sitting in the couch in her robe, when Pacey comes in and takes a seat next to her on the couch.] Pacey: What happened to you? Emma: I left. Pacey: I noticed that. Without saying good-bye or letting me know. Look, if this is about rich, you really shouldn't pay that guy any mind. He's just a moron. Emma. Emma: So did I win, then? Pacey: What? Emma: I said, did I win, then? Pacey: What are you talking about? Emma: Yeah, probably not. There was, like, 20 girls there that were way hotter than me, right? Pacey: Somebody told you about the contest. Emma: Pretty sharp there, Pacey. Pacey: All I can say is that I'm sorry. There's no noble speech I can give you. I just screwed up royally, and I apologize. I took the spineless, corporate route, and...somewhere along the line, I guess I just forgot that I had a choice. Emma: You always have a choice, Pacey. Pacey: True enough, though in that office, it doesn't always feel like it. Emma: So did I win, then? I don't understand why you even take me there, Pacey. You knew exactly what that contest was about. Were you trying to humiliate me or Pacey: no, god! No, Emma, I took you to that thing because I thought you would win. You were by far the most beautiful woman in that room, and I'm not taking a piss or whatever it is you crazy English people say. Emma: You're not? Pacey: No, not at all. Just for me to be there with you was 10 times the prize I was ever gonna get from those... soulless corporate freaks that I work with. So I am--I'm sorry. [They begins kissing each other, but they both hear the door and quickly go to separate ends of the couch. Jack comes into the room, and sits down on the couch between them and begins eating the sandwich he is carrying.] Jack: Hey, guys. Emma: Hey, jack. Jack: Seen the remote? Emma: Here. Jack: Oh, thanks. [Scene: Some weird Control Panel. Eddie opens the control panel and begins hitting various keys on the pad.] Joey: What's going on, Eddie? I'm starting to get a little freaked. [The lights in the room turn on and some music begins playing. Joey turns to realize that they are at a Hockey rink and they are all alone.] Joey: I can't believe your dad got us here like this. This is so cool. Eddie: Oh, the Dolings have connections. Joey: Irish mafia--I knew it. [They begin skating. Eddie is skating circles around Joey] Joey: You wanna know what else? Eddie: What else? Joey: You do possess a certain masculine grace. Eddie: Yes, I told you. Joey: Very nice. Eddie: Yes. Joey: Come here. Come here. Thank you for this... for everything. Eddie: It's my pleasure, Joey Potter. Joey: Come on! Eddie: Ok. Ok, skate backwards now. Joey: Backwards? Eddie: Yes. No, that's forwards. Joey: That's my spin.	Plan: A: Natasha; Q: Who is drawn to a handsome new actor who arrives on the set? A: Joey; Q: Who misses Professor Heston's final exam? A: Eddie's apartment; Q: Where does Joey spend the night after she misses her final exam? A: Eddie; Q: Who gets fired after punching Heston? A: Heston; Q: Who is the professor who flunks Joey? A: Hell's Kitchen restaurant; Q: Where does Heston visit Eddie? A: Joey's time; Q: What does Heston feel Eddie is taking up? A: his face; Q: What part of Heston's body does Eddie punch? A: Pacey; Q: Who invites Emma to his office party? A: passion; Q: What do the sparks between Pacey and Emma turn into? Summary: Natasha is drawn to a handsome new actor who arrives on the set. Meanwhile, Joey spends the night at Eddie's apartment but misses Professor Heston's final exam which results in him flunking her. Later, Heston visits Hell's Kitchen restaurant where he harshly tells Eddie that he resents a guy like him taking up Joey's time and when Heston insults Eddie, he falls into Heston's trap by punching the mean professor in his face which results in Eddie getting fired. Elsewhere, Pacey invites Emma to his office party and sparks between the two turn to passion.
[Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Tyler is asleep in his hospital bed. There's a guard in front of his room. There's a noise in the hallway. The guard leaves to see what it is. He goes in the hallway and looks around. He's about to leave but Connor arrives from behind and strangles him. Tyler opens his eyes and raises his head. Connor enters the room but Tyler is not in his bed. He arrives from behind to surprise Connor but he injects something in his neck. He lays Tyler on the bed. He seems paralyzed) Connor: Don't bother. It's a paralytic (He opens Tyler's mouth. His fangs are out. He puts a syringe in his gum and takes a sample of something. He removes the syringe and leaves. Tyler finally gets up and rushes to the door and looks in the hallway but Connor is gone) [Connor's Trailer] (Connor is preparing something. He looks at it and then sits down. He looks at some papers and then at Pastor Young's letter for April. He takes two files each with Elena' sand Jeremy's names on it. He opens Jeremy's file) [Salvatore's House] (Damon opens the front door and sees Stefan outside, working on a motorcycle) Damon: Good day for a midlife crisis. 164 years, I'd say you're due (Stefan sits down on the motorcycle) Stefan: Elena's transition to vampire has been a little depressing. I'm gonna help her have some fun Damon: Oh. Those who can't, teach (Stefan chuckles) Stefan: Oh, I see we're still fighting. Got it. Where you going? Damon: That hunter jacked Tyler Lockwood of his werewolf venom last night, so basically he's got vampire poison in a bottle, and I'm gonna find him, and I'm gonna eat him Stefan: I'll go with you Damon: I don't want your help. I just wanna kill this guy and get the hell out of town (He drinks. Stefan looks at him) Damon: Isn't that the deal? Whoever Elena doesn't choose leaves? Stefan: That was before she turned Damon: And I stayed to help, but I take you punching me as the first clue... I'm not wanted here anymore Stefan: Listen, you blood-shared with my girlfriend, and I punched you in the face. You deserved it. Why don't you stop being dramatic? Damon: No, brother. Dramatic would be leaving before I kill this hunter (He leaves) [Mystic Falls High School] (Matt rejoins Elena in a remote place. She looks at him) Matt: Kind of weird doing this in our old make-out spot Elena: Thank you for doing this. I can't keep anything else down Matt: It's ok. I kind of owe you my life, remember? Elena: Yeah, but I didn't make Stefan save your life so that I could turn you into a human blood bank Matt: Elena, please just let me do this for you (He rolls up his sleeve. She looks at him and then bites his wrist and drinks. She stops) Matt: Is that enough? Elena: No. but if I had any more I'm afraid I wouldn't stop (She removes the blood from her mouth) Elena: Here (She puts a Band-Aid on the wound) Elena: Thank you (The school bell rings. They come down) Matt: So you really think school is the best place for you right now? Elena: The vampire hunter knows that Damon's a vampire and that I know Damon. Hiding at home would be more suspicious. Besides, I want to be here. It's my senior year. I survived this long. There's no way I'm bailing before graduation (She sees a paper on the windshield of a car. She takes it and reads it) Elena: Town called for curfew? Matt: Tyler got shot in front of half the town. Everyone's a little freaked Elena: If only they knew the real story [Lockwood's Mansion] (Carol and Tyler enter. There are two men in the house) Tyler: Who the hell are you two? Carol: Tyler, it's ok. They're here for your protection Tyler: More deputies? (Klaus enters with another hybrid) Klaus: Not exactly. They're hybrids. I was halfway to Chicago when I heard you were attacked. I had hoped to leave Mystic Falls for good, but duty calls Tyler: Nice to know you care Klaus: I don't. I should have killed you for the little stunt you and your friends pulled... stopping my heart, leaving me in a coffin to rot Tyler: Yeah, well, you used my body as an escape hatch, then kissed my girlfriend, so maybe we're even Klaus: Not even close. But you hybrids are a dying breed. I can't make more of you, and I won't have anyone taking liberties with the ones I have left. Consider them your new bodyguards (He leaves) [Mystic Falls High School] (Stefan and Elena sit in Alaric's classroom. She looks around and seems moved. Stefan seems to understand something) Stefan: So first time we've been back in Alaric's classroom Elena: The first period, and I'm ready to bawl my eyes out (Rebekah enters giving flyers to the students) Rebekah: Morning, everyone (Elena sighs) Elena: And just like that, I'm no longer feeling sentimental Rebekah: So I'm throwing a little anti-curfew party at my new house... starts in the fifth period, goes to whenever. Spread the word (She looks at Elena and gives her a flyer) Rebekah: You're welcome to join, Elena, if you'd like to bury the hatchet Elena: It's a pretty enormous hatchet Rebekah: Well, I'm feeling generous of spirit Elena: New house, huh? Did your brother finally kick you out? Rebekah: He didn't kick me out. I left Elena: So you left the only person on earth that actually likes you? Rebekah: Well, your boyfriend liked me once. Actually, a lot more than once (Elena seems pissed) Stefan: Why are you still in town, Rebekah? Don't you have anywhere else to go? Rebekah: Well, history's my favorite class. Actually, where is Mr. Saltzman? Oh, that's right (She bends over Elena and whispers) Rebekah: I killed him (Elena throws her pen at her but Rebekah catches it and throws it back at Elena. The pen goes in her chest. Stefan looks at Elena and then at Rebekah. She smiles. Elena removes the pen, looks angrily at Rebekah and leaves the classroom) (Elena goes out. Stefan is after her) Stefan: Just breathe. Just breathe. You haven't felt this kind of rage before (She stops) Elena: I hate her. I didn't think I was capable of hate, but I hate her and hate that I hate her (She looks above Stefan's shoulder) Elena: That's the hunter (He turns himself. Connor is here talking to someone. He then looks at Jeremy) Stefan: What the hell is he doing here? (Connor goes toward Jeremy) Elena: Jeremy. No (She moves toward them but Stefan stops her) Stefan: No, no, no. Hey. You get this, okay? (He looks at her hand. There's blood on it) Stefan: I got that (He goes toward Connor and Jeremy) (Elena enters the restrooms. She removes her jacket and looks at her wound. She washes her hand and then the blood on her shoulder. A girl enters, a hand on her neck) Girl: There you are. Rebekah sent me to see if you were ok Elena: I'm fine, Heather (She throws the paper in the trash) Heather: I'm not (Elena turns herself, intrigued. She sees blood dripping from Heather's neck. Rebekah enters) Rebekah: What's wrong, Elena? Getting hungry? (Heather removes her hand from her neck) Elena: No, g-get away from me Rebekah: But she's so delicious (She puts her finger on the wound and then goes to Elena's mouth but she pushes her) Elena: You shouldn't be here. This is my school. It's my life, and I'm not gonna let you ruin it Rebekah: It's my school now, my life. Maybe you're the one who shouldn't be here. And I couldn't help but overhear that there's a vampire hunter roaming the hallways (She puts her hand on the wound and wipes it on Elena's face. Her face has changed and she shows her fangs) Rebekah: See you in gym. I think its dodge ball day (She leaves and Heather follows her) (Jeremy is in a classroom with Connor. He's looking at a file) Jeremy: You mind telling me who you are and why I'm here? I'm happy to miss bio, but... Connor: I looked into your family's history. You and your sister have been through quite a lot Jeremy: What are you, a social worker? Why do you care? Connor: Because you saw this (He shows him his tattoo) Jeremy: Mm, it's a tattoo. Big deal Connor: No, I call this a hunter's mark, as in vampire hunter Jeremy: Uh, a vampire hunter? Heh. Look, I'm sorry, man, but... (He laughs and gets up) Connor: Jeremy, I know your family's history in this town, so you playing dumb just make you look dumb (Stefan is outside in front of the door. Jeremy looks at him and nods) Jeremy: Why the show and tell? I don't even know you Connor: Because it's invisible to anyone but another hunter or potential hunter. Find me a vampire. I'll train you; teach you how to do what I do. I'm on Hudson, off route 13. Don't show up unless you find one Jeremy: Well, how am I supposed to do that? Connor: Why don't you start by asking your friend with the bandage on his neck? (He looks at him and leaves) [Connor's Trailer] (Damon arrives at Connor's trailer and opens the door. He climbs the stairs and hesitates but smiles and enters. He looks around but when he touches a paper he's stabbed by two arrows. He looks at them and touches the wire attached to a bomb) Damon: Um... Yeah [Mystic Falls High School] (Caroline, Elena and Stefan are in the stoner pit) Caroline: It was a valiant first-day effort. No one will judge you if you want to go home Elena: I don't want to go home. I want to take the white-oak stake and kill her. That's how mad I am. She made me murderous Stefan: How about we just leave the murdering to Damon? Elena: And... And then do what? Ignore her to death? Stefan: Look, she's trying to make herself feel better. She knows that everybody hates her, so she's trying to hate harder. Tell you what. Let's just skip the rest of the day, go have some fun. I feel like this day is severely lacking in fun (She looks at Caroline. She smiles) Elena: Yeah. Ok, fine. We'll go to her party and show her that she can't intimidate me. I just have to go home and change first (She looks at Caroline and waves her hand and leaves. He looks at Caroline) Caroline: Does she seem a little off-balance to you? Stefan: Yeah. She's channeling all her emotions into rage. Makes her feel like she has purpose. I used to do that, too, when I was, you know... Caroline: Ripper you? Stefan: Yeah. She needs to come to terms with it, confront it, let it in before she can let it go Caroline: You're good at this. You know that? You saved my vampire life. Now you're saving hers. You should write a book, go on "the view." [Lockwood's Mansion] (Tyler is bored. A girl enters. He turns himself) Haley: So this is where you've been hiding, huh? Tyler: Haley? (He gets up) Haley: Hey, Hey, Lockwoof (She comes towards him and they embrace each other. She touches his face and then hits him in the chest playfully) Haley: Ass. I thought Klaus killed you Tyler: I should have called Haley: From your trailer park in Florida. You liar! You're totally loaded Tyler: Uh... Haley: I chained you up all over the Appalachians. I talked you through every turn. I helped you break the sire bond. You could have told me your real story Tyler: I didn't want anybody to follow me back. Werewolves weren't safe around Klaus, and you shouldn't be here either. His hybrids are all over this house and so is he Haley: I know. One of his hybrids is with a pack I ran with. He called me and told me that he was coming to protect a guy named Tyler, and I thought, "What are the chances?" (They look at each other) Haley: Well, the least you could do is pour me some fancy, rich-people scotch Tyler: Sure. Of course (He goes to the bar. She looks around and sits on the couch) [Connor's Trailer] (Meredith enters) Meredith: Why were you being so cryptic? Damon: Come in. Close the door (She looks at the device) Meredith: Tell me that is not a bomb Damon: Ok. It's a kitten. It's an adorable exploding kitten Meredith: Why didn't you call your brother? Damon: Because I'm proud and stubborn and... Oh, look. You're already here. Come on. You're not gonna get hurt. All I need you to do is be doctorly, cut out the arrow. I'd do it myself, but if I move... Psssh! Meredith: Okay (She takes a knife and starts to work on the arrow. He takes the letter and looks at it) Damon: So how well did you know pastor Young? Meredith: He was a patient of mine. He was always a nice guy Damon: Nice crazy guy. He wrote a letter about sacrifice and war brewing in Mystic Falls (She reads the letter) Meredith: What does he mean, "a greater evil is coming"? I mean, we have great enough evil already Damon: You'd think (His phone rings. He takes it. It's Elena. Meredith looks at it. He ignores the call) Meredith: How'd you get stuck on hunter duty? Damon: Stefan had a physics test Meredith: You're a good brother Damon: I'm the bad brother Meredith: You're strung up to a bomb while Stefan plays vampire with a girl who broke your heart, but you are doing a very good job of acting like it doesn't suck. Ok, I think that should be good (He removes the arrow) [Mystic Falls High School] (Matt is at his locker. Rebekah rejoins him) Rebekah: Hey, Matt. So I'm having a little party. You should, uh, ditch last period and come (He ignores her) Rebekah: Look, I know you're still angry I ran you off the bridge, but you have to understand Alaric killed my brother. He was trying to kill me. I had to do something to stop him. I never wanted to hurt you (He looks at her, closes his locker and leaves) (Matt is in the hallway. Connor is leaning against a wall) Connor: What'd you say last time? Hickeys? (Matt stops, turns himself and looks around. Connor catches his arm, takes the Band-Aid off and looks at the bite) Connor: Kinky girlfriend. Who are you letting feed on you? Matt: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know where I got that Connor: Sure about that? (He takes him by the head and throws him against the wall. He takes a knife and puts it against his throat) Connor: Tell me which one of your High School friends is a bloodsucker Matt: It's... Rebekah. Rebekah Mikaelson (Connor releases him but grabs his neck) Connor: Thank you. When you wake up, she'll be long gone (He throws him against the wall) [Salvatore's House] (Elena is in Damon's bedroom, looking for something in his things. She's made a mess. Damon enters) Damon: Hope you plan on cleaning this up Elena: I need bourbon to get through Rebekah's party. Yours is better than Stefan's Damon: Oh. Top drawer in the dresser Elena: Thanks (She opens it and looks in it but stops) Elena: You keep alcohol in your underwear drawer? Damon: No. You weren't looking for alcohol, were you? Do you think I'd actually leave the last remaining white oak stake where any vampire could just walk in and take it? (He opens his shirt and looks at his wound) Elena: What happened to you? Damon: Hunter mishap Elena: You know he was at my school today? Damon: Yep. Jeremy told me Elena: Why were you talking to Jeremy? Damon: Don't worry about it Elena: Damon, don't bring him into this Damon: Perish the thought he might actually be useful, Elena (He takes off his shirt and is about to take his pants off) Damon: You staying for the show, or... Elena: I'm finding that stake (She leaves) [Connor's Trailer] (Connor is carving a stake. Jeremy arrives) Connor: You got a vampire for me? Jeremy: No, but I know where you can find one. There's a doctor, Meredith Fell, she uses vampire blood in surgery. I think she has a deal with one, her blood for his Connor: You see, that's the problem. When a town protects one vampire, word spreads. More come. They feed. They turn. Soon you got a full-on infestation. Your High School, for example, is crawling with 'em. One's even throwing a party Jeremy: Is that where we're going? Connor: Nah, we're going to the hospital. As long as people are drinking at that High School party, I got it covered. They'll be dead by sundown [Rebekah's House] (It's the party. Everyone is drinking and partying. Stefan and Elena arrive. They enter) Stefan: Wow. We didn't have to be invited in. I wonder who used to live here Elena: Or who died here (They see Rebekah. Elena is angrily looking at her. Stefan looks at her) Stefan: You're fixating Elena: No, I'm just quietly hating (Someone passes by them, a glass in his hand. Stefan compels him) Stefan: This is mine now (He takes the glass) Stefan: Thank you (He looks at Elena) Stefan: Why don't you have a drink? It'll help you let go (She takes the glass and is about to drink when she sees April) Elena: April's here. I'm gonna go say hi Stefan: And I am gonna find something a little stronger than beer (She smiles) Elena: Okay [Lockwood's Mansion] (Tyler opens the door. Caroline is here, smiling. She puts her arms around his neck) Caroline: I ditched Rebekah's ditching party (She kisses him and sees the hybrids) Caroline: What's with all the testosterone? Tyler: Hybrids. I'm on house arrest Caroline: Says who? Your mom? Come on. Sneak out Tyler: Not my mom, Caroline (She understands it Klaus) Caroline: You're kidding me. Klaus? (Haley is in Richard's study, looking at pictures. Klaus is here) Klaus: You're a new face Haley: And I take it from your accent you're an old one. Klaus Klaus: My reputation precedes me, hopefully not all bad Haley: A little bad, mostly repulsive Klaus: So you're a friend of Tyler's. That's strange. He's never mentioned you (Tyler is a little distant) Tyler: You should go the party. I'll be fine here Caroline: But I'd rather hang with you Tyler: Trust me. I am no fun right now (Klaus smiles and looks at Haley) Klaus: And I think I know why [SCENE_BREAK] [Rebekah's House] (April is in the kitchen. Elena rejoins her, smiling) Elena: Hey April: Elena. Thank God I know someone Elena: I'm glad you came. Are you thirsty? (She offers her her glass) April: You know, you used to read me bedtime stories Elena: And now I'm giving you beer. Sounds about right (April laughs and Elena smiles. April takes the glass and drinks) April: If my dad could see me now Elena: How are you... Doing with everything? April: I'm trudging through my denial phase... Dreaming up conspiracy theories. My first weekend home from boarding school, my dad smelt cigarette smoke on my clothes before I even walked in the door. He would have noticed a gas leak in the house Elena: So you... you don't think that it was an accident? April: I know there's no investigation, that everyone's calling it an accident, but the shooting at the church, it just feels like... Rebekah: like something wicked this way comes. I know, right? It's like this town's cursed or something Elena: Hey, April, why don't you go look around the house, and I'll find you in a little bit April: Okay (April looks at them and leaves) Rebekah: Did I forget to uninvited you? Elena: Did you blow up her dad's house to get revenge on the council? Rebekah: I don't give a damn about some dodgy middle-aged council. You come into my house, throw around false accusations, and then you have the nerve to drink my beer? (She takes her glass and drinks, smiling. Elena's skin is burning. She looks at her hands) Elena: My ring (Rebekah smiles. Elena hurries in the shadow. Rebekah shows her the ring) Elena: Give it back! Rebekah: Get it yourself (She throws it in the waste disposal) Elena: No! (She tries to go but she can't because of the sun. Rebekah engages the waste disposal, smiles and leaves. Elena is panicked but finally goes to the waste disposal and takes her ring back. She puts it on her finger. Her skin stops burning but she's pissed. She goes to her bag and takes the stake out and is about to leave but Stefan's here) Stefan: Damon give that to you? Elena: Yes, reluctantly. Stefan, she's...She's just gonna keep pushing and pushing. Stefan: Well, if you want to kill her, I'm not gonna stop you. But, see, here's what'll happen. It'll feel really good for about 10 seconds, and then after that, tens and thousands of vampires all over the world will start to die. Every vampire she ever turned will die. See, rage is a really powerful feeling... But guilt... Take it from me... It'll destroy you. So you can either go after her, or you can get on the back of my motorcycle... And we can get the hell out of here (Stefan and Elena leave, passing by Rebekah) Rebekah: Leaving so soon? (Elena stops and turns herself) Elena: No. not just yet. I never got a drink (She gives her bag to Stefan and looks at Rebekah. Then she goes to the keg and stands on it. One of the students makes her drink. Everyone cheers. Stefan looks at Rebekah. She's pissed. Then Elena gets down and looks at Rebekah, smiling) Elena: Now I'm ready to go (Stefan gives her his bag, smiling and the leave. Rebekah watched them leave but her vision is blurred. She goes back inside. She looks at herself in the mirror and sees veins) Rebekah: What in the hell? [Lockwood's Mansion] (Tyler enters his father's study. Klaus is here) Klaus: She's quite fetching, that Hayley Tyler: Where is she? Klaus: Oh, she had to run, but don't worry. I had her take the back door so Caroline wouldn't see Tyler: Whatever you think you know... Klaus: I don't know anything, but I've put together a pretty convincing picture. Why don't you tell me where my imagination deviates from reality? You went off to the Appalachians to break my sire bond. There, you met a pack of werewolves, begged them for help. Among them was a girl. She was gorgeous, with the same animal instincts as you. Emotions ran high. Inhibitions ran low Tyler: Stop it Klaus: Then, in a moment of weakness, the thick sexual tension became something much more real Tyler: I said stop! Klaus: And Caroline has no idea (Tyler's phone rings. He answers) Klaus: Hello, Damon Damon: Klaus, where's Tyler? Klaus: Tyler's otherwise occupied making big decisions about honesty and what not. Is there anything I can do? Damon: I'm going after the vampire hunter, so if he'd like to join... Klaus: He wouldn't. I, however... [Middle of nowhere] (Elena and Stefan are on a motorcycle. She finally stands on it and smiles. Stefan looks at her and smiles) [Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Meredith has a Band-Aid on her neck and is walking in the hallway. Jeremy and Connor are walking behind her) Jeremy: That's her Connor: Stay here (Jeremy stands by and follows Meredith. He enters a storage room. He walks around) Connor: Is a hospital really the best place for a germophobe? (Damon comes out) Damon: Did I say that I was a germophobe? Pfft. Sorry. I meant vampire (He smiles. Connor takes his gun out. But he's stabbed by an arrow. He bends to pick up his gun but is stabbed by another arrow. He sees that they are attached to a bomb) Damon: Stings, doesn't it? (Connor is about to pick up his gun but Klaus pushes it with his foot) Klaus: Hello, mate (Connor looks at Damon. He smiles) [Salvatore's House] (Elena and Stefan are in bed, kissing. Suddenly she sees Damon in place of Stefan. She's surprised) Elena: No! (She pushes him. Stefan looks at her) Stefan: Are you okay? (She looks at her arm. They're veins on it) Elena: Stefan. What's wrong with me? Stefan: Damon said the hunter had werewolf venom Elena: Oh my god [Rebekah's House] (Rebekah is sitting at her dressing table. She has veins on her arms too. She doesn't feel so good. Matt enters and looks at her) Matt: You don't look so hot Rebekah: Whatever it is, it's not the white-oak stake, so it can't kill me. I'm surprised you came to my party Matt: Well, I thought about it. You explained why you ran me off the bridge, so least I could do is explain how I feel. The truth is, Rebekah, I think you're amazing. You've had a thousand years to learn, to grow, and to start fresh... And somehow you've managed to throw it all away. Now you're alone. You're compelling your friends. Your brother hates you. You whine about not finding love. The reason you don't find love is because you don't deserve it (She rips is heart out and looks at it. She releases it but there is no heart and Matt isn't here. It was an hallucination. She looks around) [Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Connor is still blocked by the arrows. Damon and Klaus are looking at him) Damon: Keep it up, buddy. We'll be scraping you off the ceiling Connor: You two are gonna kill me anyway Klaus: Well, let's not be too hasty. I feel like we're just getting to know each other Damon: Start with the basics. Where are you from? What do you know? Maybe you can cue me in on this greater evil, because I've fought this guy, and there's nothing more evil than that Klaus: Yeah, truth be told, I'm as evil as it gets Connor: I'm not telling you anything. You think if you kill me, it's gonna be over? There's another waiting to take my place Damon: See, this is what I like to hear... Vague threats, ominous prophecies, disappearing tattoos Klaus: What do you mean, "tattoos"? Damon: Don't bother. You can't see the damn thing Klaus: There's more to you than meets the eye, isn't there? (Connor tries to stake him but he's faster and catches his arm) Klaus: Nice try, but I'm faster than your average vampire. (He twists his arm and takes the stake. He looks at the symbol) Klaus: You're one of the five Damon: The what? Connor: I'm faster than the average hunter (Damon rushes outside. Connor sets off the bomb. The room explodes) [Salvatore's House] (Elena is lying in bed, sick. Stefan is standing, his phone at the ear) Stefan: Klaus, where the hell are you? (He hangs up and sits down next to Elena. She looks at him, there are veins on her face. She closes her eyes and one she opens them, she sees Damon) Elena: Why am I thinking about you? Damon: Because you're a vampire now... And part of you knows you're a lot more like me than you are like him (She closes her eyes again. Klaus enters. Stefan turns himself) Stefan: You came Klaus: I did. And for future reference, one voice-mail is just as effective as 9 (He looks at Elena) Klaus: What's wrong, love? Stefan: She has werewolf venom in her system. You know you're the only one that can heal her, Klaus. Please Klaus: And what would you have done if I were no longer here? Hmm? If you and your friends had succeeded in ridding the world of me? Let's play that game for a moment, shall we? Stefan: Whatever you want from me... Klaus: I don't want anything from you. Her, on the other hand... (He sits down on the bed) Klaus: If you had told me a few hours ago, I wouldn't have cared a lick about her dying. But as it turns out... You may be of use to me after all (He makes her drink his blood) Klaus: Here we go (He smiles) [Rebekah's House] (Rebekah is lying on her bed. April arrives and knocks on the door. Rebekah looks at her. April enters) April: Hey. Way to bail on your own party Rebekah: I just... I needed a minute. Did everyone leave? April: Yeah, deputies weren't actually super happy about the anti-curfew party Rebekah: Why are you still here? April: Um, honestly? Um, picking up trash is a hell of a lot better than sitting at home alone, thinking about the family I no longer have (Rebekah seems touched. She gets up) Rebekah: Hey, uh, if you want, I could, uh... I could help you look into what happened with the fire at your farmhouse April: Heh. What are you gonna be able to do that I can't? Rebekah: You'd be surprised [Mystic Falls' Hospital] (The firemen and the police are in the room. Carol rejoins Damon) Carol: So the sniper was inside? Damon: Yep. Still is, in tiny, little pieces Carol: Good. I'll cancel the curfew and call off the extra patrols. I can't say I approve of your methods Damon: I'll make a donation. They'll name a wing after me, maybe (Damon is walking in the hallway. Jeremy is at the desk) Jeremy: See? I told you I could be a badass Damon: Shh. Badasses don't say that (He rejoins Meredith) Damon: Doc. Nice job Meredith: You told me the plan was to lead him to the storage room Damon: We did. Congrats Meredith: You left out the part about blowing up a hospital, with patients who are sick and fragile and who don't need things exploding down the hall from them Damon: It was contained. Nobody got hurt. Come on. Buy me a farewell drink. We'll talk about what the hell Klaus meant by "the five." Meredith: You know you're not going anywhere, Damon, and I am not your new partner in vampire crime. Fix things with Stefan and Elena. Don't let your pride leave you all alone (She leaves) [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is in the living room, a glass in his hand. Caroline arrives) Caroline: Hey Stefan: Hey. Thanks for coming Caroline: Not every day I get summoned by a Salvatore. So what's up? Stefan: Do you remember what you were like before you turned? Caroline: Mm, you mean an insecure control freak? Stefan: You grew into yourself when you became a vampire. You changed. And Elena, she's changing, too. And I want her to be able to enjoy it without all the guilt and shame that I went through. And there was a moment today when she did. And when I'm with her, every bone in my body tells me to join her, to enjoy it. But I know that if I do, even a little... I risk becoming him. The ripper. I love her, and I don't want to hold her back Caroline: But you don't know how to be around her and still resist that urge Stefan: Damon promised he'd help me stay off the edge, but, uh, he and I, we're not in a very good place right now, not when it comes to her. I just thought you're so good at it, at being a vampire Caroline: Because of you, Stefan. I'm good at it because of you. Come to me whenever you want, and I won't let you lose control [Gilbert's House] (Matt enters and goes to the kitchen) Matt: Elena! If I'd known you were gonna go to that party, I never would have told Connor about Rebekah Elena: I already had this conversation with Jeremy. There's no way you guys could have known that I would go. I mean, I was surprised that I went. Stefan warned me that I would feel things more powerfully, but, Matt, the hatred that I felt today... I almost... I almost killed her in front of everyone, in the middle of a party. That's not me. Or at least, it didn't... didn't use to be Matt: Honestly, Elena, Rebekah kind of deserves it Elena: Yeah, but it's not just about Rebekah. It's about my mind. I'm having these terrible thoughts, these... Violent images, and I... it's all driven by one simple thing, this hunger (She takes his arm and drinks. She keeps drinking) Matt: Hey, Elena, you sure you wanna take that much? (She keeps drinking) Matt: Elena. Elena, that hurts. Elena. Elena. Ele... (She strangles him and pushes him. She keeps drinking) Matt: Elena! Elena (Damon intervenes and pushes her off him. She snarls) Damon: Stop. Stop (Her face becomes normal again. She looks at Matt) Elena: Oh my god. Matt, I'm sorry. I'm so... I'm so sorry. I... I didn't mean to (Damon goes toward Matt) Damon: It's okay (He compels him) Damon: Forget what just happened. You came over, she fed a little bit, and you left. Now go home (Matt leaves. He looks at Elena) Elena: What have I done? Damon: Nothing you should be ashamed of. You are a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to be one. And I'm gonna teach you (He touches her face. She nods) [Connor's trailer] (Connor wakes up. He turns his head and sees Klaus. He gets up but Klaus pushes him back on the couch) Connor: You saved me? Klaus: Congratulations. You just became worth more to me alive than dead Connor: what... what did you mean when you said I was one of the five? Klaus: You don't know your own history? Well, let's just say it's made you the most well protected vampire hunter in town	Plan: A: the hospital; Q: Where does Connor steal Tyler's werewolf venom? A: Connor; Q: Who steals Tyler's venom? A: The gang; Q: Who returns to school after the shooting? A: Matt; Q: Who allows Elena to feed on him again? A: a curfew; Q: What is in effect due to the shooting at the church? A: Alaric; Q: Who does Rebekah bring up to Elena? A: the school; Q: Where does the gang return to after the shooting? A: Jeremy; Q: Who does Connor tell that he is a potential hunter? A: Connor forces; Q: Who makes Matt confess who is feeding off him? A: Klaus; Q: Who saves Connor? A: his hybrids; Q: What does Klaus return to protect from Connor? A: the Lockwood house; Q: Where does Klaus take residence? A: Hayley; Q: Who helped Tyler break Klaus' sire-bond? A: a female werewolf; Q: Who is Hayley? A: a less-than-platonic relationship; Q: What does Klaus suspect Hayley and Klaus had? A: an anti-curfew party; Q: What party does Rebekah throw at her house? A: the party; Q: Where did Elena make a grand exit from? A: Elena's ring; Q: What does Rebekah steal from Elena? A: Damon; Q: Who did Elena convince to give her the White Oak Stake? A: Stefan intervenes; Q: Who convinces Elena to come with him to blow off steam? A: an unassisted keg stand; Q: How does Elena leave the party? A: , trap Connor; Q: What do Damon and Klaus do in the hospital storage room? A: a familiar symbol; Q: What does Klaus see on Connor's stake that makes him realize he is one of The Five? A: information; Q: What does Klaus want from Connor? A: character; Q: What does Klaus act out of when he gives Elena his blood? A: a use; Q: What does Klaus say he may have for Elena? A: April; Q: Who stays behind to help Rebekah clean up? Summary: In the hospital, Connor breaks in and steals Tyler's werewolf venom. The gang returns to school, and Matt allows Elena to feed on him again. They discover that a curfew has been put into effect due to the shooting at the church. Stefan tries to show Elena that being a vampire can be fun, but Rebekah also returns to school and begins to torment Elena by bringing up Alaric and tempting her with blood. Connor comes to the school and tells Jeremy that the reason he can see Connor's tattoo is because he is a potential hunter. Connor forces Matt to confess who is feeding off him, but he lies and says it's Rebekah. Klaus returns to protect his hybrids from Connor, and takes residence in the Lockwood house. Hayley, a female werewolf who helped Tyler break Klaus' sire-bond, arrives, and Klaus suspects they'd had a less-than-platonic relationship. Meanwhile, Rebekah throws an anti-curfew party at her house, and Elena and Stefan decide to attend. At the party, Rebekah steals Elena's ring and nearly destroys it. Elena, who had previously convinced Damon to give her the White Oak Stake, plans to stake Rebekah, but Stefan intervenes and convinces her to come with him to blow off steam (not before Elena makes a grand exit from the party by doing an unassisted keg stand). When Stefan and Elena return, she becomes sick due to the keg being spiked with werewolf venom. Meanwhile, Damon and Klaus, who have temporarily teamed up, trap Connor in the hospital storage room. Klaus disarms Connor, and upon seeing a familiar symbol on the stake, Klaus realizes Connor is one of The Five. Klaus saves him and holds him captive to pump him for information. Acting out of character, he gives Elena his blood and heals her, saying he may have a use for her after all. At the end of the episode, April stays behind at Rebekah's, who is also recovering from the werewolf venom, to help clean up, and befriends her.
The Space Pirates 6:00pm - 6:25pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. FREIGHTER DOCK (The DOCTOR is tearing down the access tunnel from the launch pad. He started running the moment the ship started to vibrate. A shattering roar comes from the launch-pad just behind him, and a blast of smoke, flames and chemical fumes rips through the tunnel. The DOCTOR is hurled to the ground.) DOCTOR: Oh! Ah! No! No, no, no... (He lies motionless amid the drifting, poisonous smoke and the oncoming flames...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CORRIDOR, NEAR FREIGHTER DOCK (JAMIE and ZOE have been trapped at an intersection by two guards. The patrol suddenly appeared in front of them, cutting them off from the others. They reached cover unseen, and there they have been forced to wait. Fortunately for JAMIE and ZOE, the guards get new orders over their intercoms and hurry away. JAMIE and ZOE have scarcely resumed their journey when they feel the ground shake and hear a distant roar.) JAMIE: What's that? (ZOE listens and her expression turns to one of shock when she realises what the noise is.) ZOE: The rockets! The Doctor's going without us! JAMIE: He wouldn't do! ZOE: Oh, come on! (They start running in the direction of the sound.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. LIZ 79 (In LIZ 79's cabin, MILO wrestles with the controls.) MILO: It's no good, Dom! Damn thing won't respond at all! DOM: Wha... uh... what is it, Milo? What's happened? MILO: We've walked right into Caven's trap. DOM: Caven! Of course. MILO: The LIZ is being operated by remote control. Must have installed an override unit in here somewhere. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. FREIGHTER DOCK (Gasping in the still-drifting smoke, JAMIE and ZOE run down the tunnel. They literally stumble over the DOCTOR's unconscious body.) JAMIE: DOCTOR! (They crouch down beside him.) ZOE: Oh, don't touch him, Jamie. Oh, don't touch him at all. JAMIE: Is he all right? (ZOE is feeling the DOCTOR's wrist.) JAMIE: Zoe, is he all right? ZOE: His pulse is weak. (Pauses.) He must have been caught in the blast of those rocket boosters. (They both start to cough, as more of the fumes come down the tunnel.) ZOE: Oh, these fumes! Come on, let's get him out of here. (JAMIE heaves the DOCTOR over his shoulder and carries him back down the tunnels.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (DERVISH has finished linking the master control box of his remote control unit to MADELEINE's communications unit. He adjusts the controls and a view of LIZ 79's flight cabin comes up on the monitor. DOM is slumped in a chair; MILO is busy removing a panel from the computer console. MADELEINE stares at the exhausted figure of her father, scarcely able to believe he is still alive.) CAVEN: Cut their oxygen supply. MADELEINE: (In pure anguish.) Caven, NO! CAVEN: (To DERVISH.) You heard me, Dervish, cut the oxygen. Kill them! DERVISH: (Throwing a switch.) Oxygen cut. MADELEINE: (Weeping.) Please, please, I'll help you! I'll do anything. (She tries to pull DERVISH from the controls. CAVEN brutally shoves her away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. LIZ 79 (MILO is working at the computer console with frantic speed. DOM, meanwhile, is starting to breathe heavily in his chair.) MILO: Hey, Dom. This must be it. These screw heads have been loosened recently. Let's get this off. DOM: Milo! I can hardly breathe! (MILO looks hard at the old man, then gets up and goes over to the air-conditioning grille. Faded ribbons are tied to it - ribbons that should be fluttering feebly in the breeze of the air-conditioning. They are limp and motionless.) MILO: The airflow... DOM: Huh? MILO: It's been cut! [SCENE_BREAK] 7. MADELEINE'S OFFICE MADELEINE: (Pleading.) Connect the flow - please, please, I'll do anything. (But CAVEN has had enough of it.) CAVEN: Sit down! Stop that yapping! DERVISH: All set, boss. (They look at the screen and see MILO go back to his labours.) DERVISH: He's wasting his time, it's well hidden. (They see old Dom Issigri suddenly slip from his chair.) CAVEN: (Gleefully.) One down, one to go. MADELEINE: (Gasping.) Father! (CAVEN, however, spots that the LIZ has just the two passengers.) CAVEN: Where's the Doctor and his friends? DERVISH: They're not there! CAVEN: (Screaming.) WHERE ARE THEY? [SCENE_BREAK] 8. TUNNELS (JAMIE has carried the DOCTOR to one of the bigger tunnels, where the air seems to be flowing more freely. However, JAMIE and ZOE are still coughing.) JAMIE: (As he gently lays the DOCTOR onto the rock floor.) Easy now. ZOE: That's better, the air's clearer here. Doctor. Doctor! (The DOCTOR starts to respond to ZOE's voice. He abruptly sits up - and then immediately collapses in a fit of coughing.) ZOE: (Helping him up.) And again, come on. DOCTOR: (Coughing.) Oh dear. JAMIE: Thank goodness for that, we thought you'd gone and had it! DOCTOR: It's alright Jamie, I'm perfectly all right. ZOE: Why did Milo take off without us? DOCTOR: I don... I don't think he intended to, Zoe. ZOE: Oh but he must have. (The DOCTOR coughs loudly.) ZOE: How could the LIZ take off otherwise? DOCTOR: Milo wasn't anywhere near the controls when it all happened. ZOE: But surely... Of course - remote control! (The DOCTOR gets to his feet.) DOCTOR: Yes, I think it's the only answer. JAMIE: What good would it do Caven, shooting you up into space in a rocket? DOCTOR: I'm not sure Jamie, but we've got to find that remote control unit and save Milo and Dom. Come on! Oh! (He staggers a little and catches JAMIE's arm for support.) ZOE: Oh now steady, Doctor. DOCTOR: It's alright, Zoe. I'll be all right if you don't fuss me. Come along. (They begin moving back towards Issigri HQ. The DOCTOR continues to cough loudly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (On the screen, gasping for breath and near to collapse, MILO is still working doggedly at the console.) CAVEN: (Callously.) They'll be unconscious in five minutes, and dead in fifteen. The V-Ship should drop alongside some ten minutes after that. Nice timing, Dervish. MADELEINE: Why don't you just kill them off now? Explode the rocket and have done with it. CAVEN: Wouldn't suit my purpose. (DERVISH looks at MADELEINE's anguished face.) DERVISH: Caven, do we have to go through with this? CAVEN: What's the matter, cold feet suddenly? DERVISH: Why can't we get away now while we've still got the chance? CAVEN: Hermack thinks Clancey's the man he wants. We're giving him Clancey - dead so that he can't talk and with a load of stolen argonite in his cargo bay. MADELEINE: Oh you've got it all worked out, haven't you. CAVEN: (Proudly.) Down to the last detail. DERVISH: Yeah but what about the Doctor and his friends? Suppose they get in touch with the Space Corps? (CAVEN rises.) CAVEN: They won't. I'll find them now and take care of them. (Pointing at MADELEINE.) Now don't take any lick from her. If she gives you any trouble, kill her! (As soon as he is out of the room, MADELEINE heads for the remote control unit. Drawing his hand-blaster, DERVISH bars her way.) DERVISH: I... I don't want to, but if I have to, I'll kill you! (Realising that DERVISH's fear of CAVEN is strong enough to make him kill her, MADELEINE backs away. She looks at the screen and sees MILO slump to the floor beside her father.) DERVISH: I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. MADELEINE: They don't stand a chance, do they? By the time the Space Corps get here they'll be dead. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. V-SHIP (We see the V-Ship flying in space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. V-SHIP, FLIGHT-DECK (HERMACK and WARNE are looking thoughtfully at the scanner screen. On the edge of it, can be seen a faint signal.) HERMACK: Well, what is it? WARNE: Could be one of the pirate ships - a beta dart. PENN: Can't make it out yet, sir. It's too far away. HERMACK: Right. Full boost. We'll get in closer and have a look. (The engines speed up as HERMACK retakes his seat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (DERVISH backs away before MADELEINE's reproachful eyes.) DERVISH: Don't you understand? There's nothing I can do - nothing! MADELEINE: This is your one chance to get free of Caven. Help me! We can get the Space Corps out so that... DERVISH: No! (She moves towards him again and he raises the blaster.) DERVISH: I daren't! (MADELEINE sees a sudden flicker of movement in the doorway. She circles slowly round DERVISH; he moves to keep her in front of him.) DERVISH: Don't move. MADELEINE: (Sighing.) All right. I can see it's pointless arguing with a gutless fool like you. You don't care about anything except your own skin! DERVISH: (Shrieking.) Shut up! SHUT UP! (He raises the blaster, his face twisted with hate. For a moment MADELEINE thinks she has goaded him too far, but now DERVISH's back is to the door. JAMIE bounds into the room and grapples with him. DERVISH swings round, but JAMIE knocks up his gun-hand and the energy-bolt from the blaster slams into the remote control console. Its screen goes blank. JAMIE draws back a knobbly fist and knocks DERVISH cold. The DOCTOR and ZOE come into the room. MADELEINE runs up to them.) MADELEINE: Quickly! We must do something. They've cut off the air in the LIZ and my father's in there - he's dying. This is the remote contraption. (The DOCTOR hurries to the remote control unit, which is giving off wisps of smoke.) DOCTOR: Oh my word! I'm afraid the blast from the gun has fused the wires together. MADELEINE: Can't you do something? (Producing his sonic screwdriver, the DOCTOR sets to work. However, no one has noticed that DERVISH has recovered and is crawling inch-by-inch towards the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. CORRIDOR (CAVEN is talking to a guard.) CAVEN: Well? GUARD: There's no sign of them on this level, sir. CAVEN: Right, spread down on the next level by the old workings. GUARD: Right, sir CAVEN: And if you see any sign of that Doctor and his friends, you shoot to kill. GUARD: Right, sir. CAVEN: I'll be back in the Issigri HQ. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR tries connecting two wires together.) MADELEINE: Come on! Come on, please! (The DOCTOR gives a quick run-through of his work.) DOCTOR: I think... I think that's the air-conditioning circuit reconnected. Now then, the radio link. (He gets back to work.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. LIZ 79 (Soon the DOCTOR's voice comes over the speaker.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) Hello LIZ 79. Can you hear me? Can you hear me, Dom? Dom Issigri? (MADELEINE takes over, and her voice comes over the radio.) MADELEINE: Father! Father, this is Madeleine. Can you hear me? (There is no movement from MILO and DOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (MADELEINE is worried about the lack of picture on the monitor.) MADELEINE: (To the DOCTOR.) Are you sure the radio link's working? DOCTOR: Well, I think so. MADELEINE: What about the video? DOCTOR: No, this is much more difficult, I'm afraid. MADELEINE: How can we tell whether they're all right or not? DOCTOR: Well... (Absorbed in the problem presented by the mass of charred circuits, the DOCTOR only gradually becomes aware of JAMIE's voice.) JAMIE: Hey, Doctor! DOCTOR: What is it Jamie? I'm busy. JAMIE: It's Dervish - he's gone! DOCTOR: What? ZOE: Well he's bound to bring Caven and the guards back. JAMIE: Aye. MADELEINE: I'll close the main doors, then we'll be safe. (She pulls a lever on her desk and they hear the whisper of hydraulics.) MADELEINE: Let's try and contact the LIZ again, please. (The DOCTOR sees the frantic look on her face and nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. LIZ 79 (The ribbons tied to the air-vent in the flight cabin of LIZ 79 are fluttering feebly again. MILO shakes his head. He feels terrible - as if he has the worse hangover in the world. To make matters worse, some woman is shouting at him.) MADELEINE: (OOV.) Father, Milo, can you hear me? Milo, Father, please answer if you can hear me! (MILO feebly reaches out and flicks a switch.) MILO: Hey girl! Stop screeching like a banshee, will you? MADELEINE: (Joyfully, OOV.) Milo! Milo, is that you? MILO: Ah... I'll tell ya... Just let me clear the fog from me ears and I'll tell ya! MADELEINE: (OOV.) Is my father all right? (MILO rises and kneels by the body of his old friend. His scrawny chest is rising and falling, and his heartbeat is strong. Milo goes back to the controls.) MILO: Yeah, I think he's all right Maddie. (A familiar voice booms through the cabin.) HERMACK: (OOV.) LIZ 79, this is General Hermack. (MILO clutches his temples.) MILO: Ah! Not another banshee! Take your volume down, will you General - you're blasting me ears off! HERMACK: (OOV.) Clancey, cut your motors. We're coming alongside. MILO: (Furious.) Look General, will you just shut up, and let me get a word in edgeways? I've got something to tell you that'll make your hair curl. Now just for once in your life, will you listen to me?! [SCENE_BREAK] 18. CORRIDOR (Returning from his unsuccessful attempt to track down the DOCTOR and his friends, CAVEN heads towards MADELEINE's office. He is just about to enter the HQ area when he runs into DERVISH, who is scurrying frantically in the opposite direction.) CAVEN: (Grabbing him.) Dervish, I thought I told you to... DERVISH: Caven! The Doctor and his friends... well they attacked me. I was lucky to get away with my life. CAVEN: (Furiously.) YOU FOOL! They'll bring the Space Corps down on us. Oh you! (He is ready to hit him.) CAVEN: Come on! (Dragging DERVISH with him, he sets off for MADELEINE's office.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (By now, General HERMACK has interrogated MILO and got most of the story.) HERMACK: Is this true, Clancey? (Instead DOM's voice comes over the radio.) DOM: (OOV.) General Hermack, this is Dom Issigri. What Milo has told you is true. Caven has engineered this whole thing. (MILO then takes the microphone.) MILO: (OOV.) And if you don't stop yabbing General, he's going to get clean away with it. HERMACK: (Slightly annoyed.) All right Clancey, that's quite enough of that. (To PENN.) Give me Issigri Headquarters on the video. PENN: Yes sir. (Almost immediately, MADELEINE's face appears on the viewer.) HERMACK: Miss Issigri, we are coming to your assistance. We're going to launch a full scale attack in approximately... (He looks at PENN.) PENN: Fifty-five minutes. HERMACK: Fifty-five minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. LIZ 79 (The radio conversation continues.) MADELEINE: (Sounding very happy.) All right, General. Thank you. MILO: Hey! Hey! Hey wait on, Maddie! Hey General! What about... What about us?! You can't leave us here like flies on fly-paper. (The DOCTOR's voice comes over the radio.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) Hello Milo. Now listen. MILO: (Happy.) The Doctor! DOCTOR: (OOV.) I think I can help you dismantle the remote control device and regain control of the LIZ. MILO: Control of the LIZ. That would be something. DOCTOR: I think the remote control unit will be probably situated somewhere in the computer preselector. Now do you know where that is? MILO: Well, of course I know where it is. I know the LIZ like the back of my hand. Now that computer thingummy, that should be err... well ah... (Looking about.) somewhere about HERE, I guess. (Marching towards another control panel.) AH HA! DOCTOR: (OOV.) What's happened? Have you found it? (MILO keeps shouting "Ah!", for some reason.) MILO: Oh it must be! Oh it must be! (MILO stares at a small box by the control panel.) MILO: Hey, you know... Maybe... maybe it'll be somewhere behind here, Dom. (DOM and MILO start to pull the box away from the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. ENTRANCE TO ISSIGRI HQ (CAVEN stares grimly at the heavy metal door to Issigri HQ.) CAVEN: It's locked from the inside. (He turns to the vid-com unit by the door.) CAVEN: Madeleine... [SCENE_BREAK] 22. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (CAVEN's picture appears on the monitor.) CAVEN: (OOV.) ...can you hear me? This is Caven. (MADELEINE turns from the hated features on the screen to the DOCTOR.) MADELEINE: He's probably outside the main door. That's where the internal video is. (She turns back to the screen and throws the microphone switch.) MADELEINE: You can't get in, Caven. By the time you cut through that door, the Space Corps will be swarming all over Ta. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. ENTRANCE TO ISSIGRI HQ CAVEN: Oh dear Madeleine, you've disappointed me. We could have made a fortune together, instead of which I have to leave and you have to die. MADELEINE: (OOV.) Empty threats, Caven? (CAVEN drags DERVISH into the vid-com's field of view.) CAVEN: Oh no. (To DERVISH.) Dervish, you'll need eighteen to twenty demolition charges. DERVISH: What for? CAVEN: Connect them in series to the atomic fuel store. DERVISH: But that's madness, Caven. There isn't time, the... the Space Corps will here before we're finished. CAVEN: We will, don't worry... DERVISH: Yeah, but... CAVEN: DO AS I SAY! (Shoving DERVISH away, CAVEN turns back to MADELEINE.) CAVEN: Should be quite a bang. The equivalent of about eighty old-fashioned hydrogen bombs. MADELEINE: (OOV, shocked.) You'd never do that. You'd blow yourself sky-high as well! CAVEN: Oh no. We shall explode it when we're a safe distance away, and the V-Ship is right in the flash zone. You have about forty minutes. (CAVEN raises his hand in farewell.) CAVEN: Oh, don't try to leave. I'm turning the manual lock from this side. Enjoy the big bang! (He turns away, and the screen goes blank.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (MADELEINE looks up from her control console.) MADELEINE: That's it. I don't think he's bluffing. And if he sets off an explosion in the atomic fuel store... DOCTOR: Then we must see to it that he doesn't. JAMIE: (Scowls.) But how? We can't stop him if we're locked in here. ZOE: What about the Space Corps? Can they get here in time. (The DOCTOR shakes his head.) MADELEINE: No, V-ships require a complicated landing technique - they're so large. DOCTOR: Besides, we shall have to warn them of Caven's intended escape. JAMIE: Then who's going to get us out of here? DOCTOR: There's only one man that can, Jamie. Milo! ZOE: But the LIZ is still jammed in remote control. DOCTOR: I know, I know, but we shall free it! JAMIE: (Gloomy.) You hope. (The DOCTOR stares at JAMIE, then turns to MADELEINE.) DOCTOR: Get hold of the space patrol and tell them what's happened. I'd better see how Milo's getting on with that bird's nest. [SCENE_BREAK] 25. ATOMIC STORE-ROOM (At the core of the atomic store-room is a circular chamber with massive lead shielded doors. Lining its wall in racks are the giant atomic fuel storage cylinders. DERVISH, in radiation suit, helmet and gauntlets, is clamping down small atomic detonator canisters to selected cylinders. The idea is to set off a chain-reaction of atomic explosion. CAVEN is watching DERVISH, and is now rapping impatiently on the thick glass inspection hatch set into the door. DERVISH connects the last canister and moves awkwardly to the door. CAVEN opens it and DERVISH emerges into the stark concrete corridor outside. When the door is closed he removes his gloves and helmet, and wipes his forehead.) CAVEN: (Hissing.) You're taking your time. DERVISH: Only the detonator to connect up now. (DERVISH opens a metal box standing outside the door. Inside is a contraption like a complicated electronic alarm clock, which rests on a hammock of plastic webbing. Dervish carefully lifts it out.) CAVEN: GET A MOVE ON! (For the first time DERVISH turns an angry face to CAVEN.) DERVISH: Do you mind?! CAVEN: (Temporally thrown.) What? DERVISH: This is something that can't be rushed. (CAVEN looks at the clock over the door: it reads 11:25. He grabs DERVISH's arm. DERVISH freezes, cradling the detonator.) DERVISH: Knock that again, and we won't have half a second left. I've known one of these things go up if somebody so much as coughed! CAVEN: We've got half an hour before that space ship drops on us. (DERVISH carefully hands the detonator to CAVEN, then puts on his helmet and gloves. He takes back the detonator, CAVEN opens the door, and DERVISH goes back to complete his terrifying task.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (MADELEINE is just finishing her report to HERMACK.) MADELEINE: (OOV.) He's planting some sort of explosive device in the atomic fuel store. With a radio controlled detonator. HERMACK: (To WARNE.) He intends to retire the Beta Dart and explode out of range. MADELEINE: (OOV.) Yes. HERMACK: Then we must try and intercept him before he has the chance to transmit the triggering pulse. We'll let you know, Miss Issigri, don't worry. [SCENE_BREAK] 27. LIZ 79 (MILO, meanwhile, is trying to carry out an equally complicated task. Guided by the DOCTOR's voice over the space radio link, he is trying to find and disconnect the device that is controlling the ship.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) Milo? Have you found that little red wire leading into the neuristor bank? (MILO roots around inside the computer console.) MILO: Ha! Little red wire, he says! There's about a thousand little red wires here. You hold that bunch, will you Dom? (He hands a tangle of connections to the patiently waiting DOM. MILO peers into the interior of the console.) MILO: Now, neuristor bank? Ah, well that might be this one here. I'll give that a go there. (He pokes a finger into the console. There is a loud cracking and MILO snatches his hand away with a yell.) DOCTOR: (Cheerful, OOV.) It sounded as if you've found it. (MILO sucks his fingers.) MILO: Jumping galactic gob-stoppers, why didn't you tell me it was alive! My fingers. DOCTOR: (OOV.) Now, somewhere near that neuristor bank, there should be the implanted overriding unit. It's probably transistorised - very small. (DOM peers over MILO's shoulder and points.) DOM: Is that it? MILO: Yeah? DOM: Is that it? MILO: (Staring at a small transistor unit connected by some wires.) Could be, Dom. We'll try that one shall we? (He grabs the unit by its attaching wires and yanks it bodily from the console. Immediately the LIZ gives a tremendous lurch. With a yell of both triumph and alarm, MILO leaps for the pilot's chair.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) What's happening? (MILO is busy checking the response of the controls.) MILO: I found it! DOCTOR: (OOV.) Right. Now, dismantle it carefully. (MILO grins at DOM.) MILO: I just have. Hold on a second, Dom. We're on our way! [SCENE_BREAK] 28. ATOMIC FUEL STORE (CAVEN paces up and down the corridor. He looks up at the clock. It is 11:37. At 11:39 the door opens and DERVISH emerges and pulls off his helmet.) DERVISH: All fixed. CAVEN: Good! By twelve hundred hours we'll be far enough away to escape the blast. DERVISH: Is the ship ready? CAVEN: On the pad. Come on, let's go. (He helps DERVISH out of the radiation suit, dropping it by the door, and they hurry away. The digital display on the clock above the atomic store-room clicks from 11:39 to 11:40.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (On the scanner screen a small light is rising from a big blob, which is Ta.) WARNE: That's a Beta Dart on the scope now, isn't it Penn? PENN: Must be, sir. She's boosting off fast! HERMACK: Get a minnow Ian, and get after them. WARNE: Right, sir. (WARNE hurries eagerly from the flight-deck.) HERMACK: Lock on intercepting course. PENN: Yes sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 30. SPACE (The V-Ship turns and starts to follow the Beta Dart. Meanwhile, WARNE's minnow rises from the centre of the V-Ship and blasts off into space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31. LIZ 79 (MILO beams at DOM, who lies slumped back in the co-pilot's seat.) MILO: Ha ha, this is just like old times, hey Dom? You and me scuffling along in the old LIZ. (DOM smiles feebly.) DOM: (Mumbling.) I wish it was the old days... (He shakes his head, trying to clear a sudden dizziness. MILO shoots him a worried look.) MILO: Hold on, Dom. You'll be all right. In a minute or two, we're going to land on Ta, and you'll see little... little Maddy again, Dom. DOM: Little Maddy? MILO: Maddy. DOM: Yes... Yes... Mad... Maddy! Maddy! (DOM looks as though hearing the name has given him strength.) MILO: Hold onto something Dom. Hold on, I'm going to try and approach to orbit! (To the LIZ.) Come on, old girl. Don't let me down, now. [SCENE_BREAK] 32. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK WARNE: (OOV.) I shall be in striking range in about thirty seconds sir. HERMACK: Right! Don't fire until I give the word. (A light starts to flash on the console in front of him.) HERMACK: Oh wait a minute, there's an audio contract. (A familiar voice cuts through on the communicator channel.) CAVEN: (OOV.) Beta Dart to V-41! Call that Minnow off our tail, Hermack. I'm warning you if he comes any closer, I'll pull this switch. And we'll all die together. (There is a click as CAVEN brakes off communication.) HERMACK: You'd better pull back, Ian. WARNE: (OOV.) OK sir, if you say so. (HERMACK looks up at the flight deck clock. It reads 11:48.) HERMACK: Twelve minutes. (To PENN.) Get me Issigri Headquarters. I'd better break the news to them. [SCENE_BREAK] 33. LIZ 79 (DOM and MILO shake a little in their chairs as the LIZ touches down.) MILO: Ah! Ah! We did it! Ho ho! We did it Dom. We're alright. We're down Dom. (MADELEINE's voice comes through on the speaker.) MADELEINE: (OOV.) Hello LIZ 79. Milo, can you hear me? MILO: Yeah, loud and clear. We'll be seeing you in a minute, Maddy girl, because we've landed. (He can hear the tension in MADELEINE's voice.) MADELEINE: (OOV.) Thank goodness for that! Now listen Milo, there isn't much time. You've got to get over to Headquarters and release us quickly. MILO: But why? What's going on? MADELEINE: There's no time for questions! Hurry! MILO: Right-o! (MILO heaves himself out of the pilot's seat and looks dubiously at his old friend.) MILO: You'd better stay down there, old timer. I've got some running to do, and I don't think that you're really up to it! (MILO hurtles from the cabin. Seconds later DOM hears him clattering down the ladder.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (MADELEINE is talking to General HERMACK on the vid-com.) MADELEINE: (OOV.) The Doctor thinks that he might be able to defuse this explosive. HERMACK: (With a grave expression.) You haven't much more time. Eight... perhaps ten minutes. I've got to launch that Beta Dart at twelve hundred. MADELEINE: (OOV.) All right, but give us as long as you can. HERMACK: Good luck. (Under his breath.) You'll need it. [SCENE_BREAK] 35. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (MILO throws open the doors to MADELEINE's office and leans panting by the door.) MADELEINE: Milo! MILO: I haven't run so far since I was knee high to a grasshop... (He breaks off because the DOCTOR, MADELEINE, ZOE and JAMIE are all sprinting past him out of the door.) MILO: Hey, what going on here? Where are you all going? JAMIE: (Over his shoulder.) To turn off a bomb. MILO: Oh my... A bomb?! Hey, wait for me! (MILO draws a deep breath and pounds wearily after the others.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (Major WARNE is speaking quietly over the vid-com.) WARNE: (OOV.) I could creep the minnow in sir, and get a salvo in before they knew what'd happened. HERMACK: No wait, they've got seven more minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] 37. ATOMIC FUEL STORE (MILO and MADELEINE are bundling the DOCTOR into DERVISH's discarded anti-radiation suit. MADELEINE looks up at the clock.) MADELEINE: You've got about... six minutes. (They lower the helmet over the DOCTOR's head. His voice is muffled by the helmet.) DOCTOR: Right, open the doors. (JAMIE opens the door to the atomic storage area, and the DOCTOR goes inside. The detonator looks like a great metal spider, its metal body crouching in the centre of the room, power cables stretching out from it like long silvery legs. The DOCTOR studies it for a moment. The leads are firmly fastened at either end. The DOCTOR looks at them and then at the clock - 11:55 - five minutes to go. Producing his sonic screwdriver, the DOCTOR begins unscrewing the top of the detonator unit. JAMIE, ZOE, MADELEINE and MILO jostle round the inspection window to see what the DOCTOR is doing. He has got the lid off the detonator and is staring inside. A clock inside the detonator is ticking away. He pauses, wondering which one of the wires to cut first. Outside, the others see him pause.) JAMIE: Look, he's not doing anything. ZOE: Oh Doctor, hurry! (MILO explains what the matter is.) MILO: Grand sakes alive girl, he's got to find the right one. He'll blow us all to bits if he moves the wrong wire. (They see the DOCTOR reach inside the detonator unit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (HERMACK looks at the clock. It now reads 11:57.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39. SPACE (WARNE, in his minnow-ship, speeds forwards on a convergent course with the sleek black Beta Dart.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40. ATOMIC FUEL STORE (The DOCTOR is gingerly lifting a thin metal cylinder from the middle of a nest of circuits inside the detonator. The cylinder is connected by two thin wires: one green, one red. They have to be severed - in the right order.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK PENN: One hundred and fifty seconds, sir. (HERMACK thinks about it.) HERMACK: We've got to take the risk. (Raising his voice he shouts: ) HERMACK: Attack, Ian, attack! [SCENE_BREAK] 42. SPACE (11:58. WARNE moves behind the Beta Dart - ready to fire at point-blank range.) [SCENE_BREAK] 43. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (Time goes by, until 11:59.) HERMACK: FIRE! [SCENE_BREAK] 44. SPACE (Twin torpedoes streak from the nose cone of the minnow-ship, converging upon the Beta Dart.) [SCENE_BREAK] 45. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (On the communicator, CAVEN appears.) CAVEN: (Hissing/yelling, OOV.) I WARNED YOU HERMACK! (CAVEN reaches for the detonator switch in front of him.) DERVISH: (OOV.) No, Caven, no! We're still in the blast area! CAVEN: THEN WE ALL DIE TOGETHER! NOW! (DERVISH appears and throws himself on CAVEN, trying to drag him away from the switch.) [SCENE_BREAK] 46. ATOMIC FUEL STORE (The DOCTOR comes to a decision and snaps the green wire, then the red.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (We see a close-up of the communicator screen. CAVEN throws DERVISH aside and then throws the detonator switch.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48. ATOMIC FUEL STORE (The clock changes to 12:00. Everybody closes their eyes... Nothing happens. They all start to re-open their eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49. SPACE (WARNE's Martian missiles strike the Beta Dart, blowing DERVISH, CAVEN & the rest of the pirates into flaming fragments.) [SCENE_BREAK] 50. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (Soon after, they are all back in MADELEINE's luxurious office, except for DOM. They are celebrating their victory with the finest champagne.) MADELEINE: (Turning from the audio communicator.) I've just heard that the Space Corps has destroyed the Beta Dart. (Everybody starts cheering.) MILO: Well, at least those varmits have done something right for a change. Yeah? MADELEINE: General Hermack is coming back here to pick me up. I have to go back to home planet. ZOE: What for? MADELEINE: To stand trial. MILO: Wh... To stand trial? Now... now listen, don't you worry about that, little Maddy girl. I'll have a few words with those danglers about that. (MADELEINE smiles at him.) MADELEINE: Don't worry. The General doesn't seem to think that the outcome will be disastrous, and my father's evidence will help. MILO: Yeah, damn certain it will! (He remembers DOM.) MILO: Poor old critter. Hey, would you like to go and have a... have a word with him old Maddy girl? He's only out there on the LIZ. MADELEINE: (Softly.) Yes, yes. It'll be strange seeing him after all these years. MILO: Go on. You... you go by yourself. Go on. (MADELEINE walks over to the door. She passes the DOCTOR and turns to him.) MADELEINE: I don't know how to thank you. (She kisses him on the cheek. The DOCTOR looks shocked and embarrassed. JAMIE looks gleefully at the DOCTOR. MADELEINE hurries out.) ZOE: Doctor? (The DOCTOR looks into space, rubbing his cheek.) ZOE: Doctor, what about the TARDIS? JAMIE: Hey, that's a point. Where is it? (The DOCTOR pulls himself together.) DOCTOR: Oh... oh the TARDIS, that's no problem. It's ah... orbiting Lobos, Milo's home planet, in one of the beacon sections. ZOE: Oh no problem, hey? Well how are we going to get to it? DOCTOR: Well Milo's very kindly offered us a lift in the LIZ. JAMIE: Oh no, not the LIZ again! Frankly I'd rather walk. MILO: (Half hearing this.) You what? DOCTOR: You never know you might have to... (JAMIE, ZOE, MILO and The DOCTOR laugh as they leave the room to return to the LIZ and the TARDIS.)	Plan: A: Issigri; Q: Along with Clancey, who is trapped aboard the LIZ? A: Madeleine; Q: Who does the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe try to convince to help them? A: Caven; Q: Who destroys Ta? Summary: With Clancey and Issigri trapped aboard the LIZ, the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe try to convince Madeleine to help them before Caven destroys Ta.
THE POWER OF THE DALEKS 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (A strange oscillating sound fills the TARDIS console room as the DOCTOR lies on the floor of the room. His features glow and blur and then change into those of a younger, dark-haired man. The glow subsides and the stranger lies unconscious and not moving.) [SCENE_BREAK] (BEN and POLLY stand up over the figure and look down in astonishment. His clothes also seem to have changed and the neat small-checked trousers are replaced by a baggy pair of loud large-checked trousers ended off by a pair of pointed boots.) POLLY: (Amazed.) His face, his hair - look at it! (The oscillating sound dies away leaving the room in silence.) BEN: (Amazed.) He's breathing... (He looks around the previously darkened console room.) BEN: ...and the TARDIS seems to be normal. POLLY: Ben, what are we going to do? We can't just leave the Doctor there. (BEN indicates the figure on the floor, barely able to comprehend what has happened.) BEN: (Amazed.) What, him? The Doctor? POLLY: Well, that's who came through the doors - there was no one else outside. Ben, do you remember what he said in the tracking room? Something about "This old body of mine is wearing a bit thin." BEN: (Astounded.) So he gets himself a new one? POLLY: (Uncertain.) Well, yes. BEN: Oh, do me a favour! (The man on the floor is starting to breathe somewhat heavily.) POLLY: Ben, whatever happened, happened in here. BEN: But it's impossible! POLLY: Not so long ago we'd have been saying that about a lot of things. (The stranger on the floor moans and BEN and POLLY jump back.) POLLY: Oh, Ben! (The stranger is opening his eyes. He struggles to sit up, but immediately clasps his head as a searing pain inflicts him and a sound like a whine mixed with a drumbeat reverberates through his mind. His dark hair is uncombed and scruffy. The man, still wrapped in his cloak, looks at BEN and POLLY, but his vision is distorted from the effect of his transformation. Continuing to hold his throbbing head, the stranger begins to call out...) DOCTOR: Slower... (Louder.) Slower! (The sound starts to slow and then momentarily stops. It starts again but is getting slower and slower, almost as the man commanded.) DOCTOR: Concentrate on one thing...one thing! (The stranger peers in concentration at the TARDIS console. Gradually, the panel of knobs, dials and levers focus clearly in his eyes and the sound dies away. Relieved, the man takes his hands away and looks round him. He suddenly smiles a broad roguish grin.) DOCTOR: It's over. (He laughs deeply.) DOCTOR: It's over. (The man staggers to his feet, and grabs hold of the TARDIS console to steady himself. Underneath the cloak, his upper clothing has also changed. The waistcoat has disappeared and a pair of braces decorated with shamrocks and stars holds up his baggy trousers. In place of the neat long black tie is spotted bow tie, held in place with a safety pin. He glances over the TARDIS controls and circles the console. He operates a number of controls.) BEN: Doctor? (BEN and POLLY hear the familiar sound of dematerialisation. The man suddenly grabs hold of his face and starts to feel his features. He tries to move across to a wooden chest on the far side of the room, tripping over his cloak as he does so. He struggles to divest himself of it but finally succeeds. He moves on again towards the chest but trips slightly, the DOCTOR'S precious ring dropping off his finger as he does so.) DOCTOR: The muscles are still a bit tight. (The man staggers on as POLLY picks up the ring. She and BEN watch in confusion as the man pokes his head into the chest and begins to rummage through the contents.) BEN: What are we going to do? POLLY: It is the Doctor. I know it is...I think. BEN: It's not only his face that's changed - he doesn't even act like him. (The man continues to rummage, pulling out a large scruffy frock coat which he immediately puts on and then continues with his search of the chest.) BEN: (To POLLY.) Come on, it's time we sorted this out. (BEN walks over to confront the stranger.) BEN: Now look here! (The stranger thrusts a mirror from the chest into BEN'S hands.) DOCTOR: Hold that. (BEN takes the mirror.) DOCTOR: And tilt it. (As BEN obeys the man's order, the stranger stares deep into the mirror. At first he sees an image of his current face. But suddenly this changes into an image of the old DOCTOR. The man stares at the image in confusion. The image eventually turns back to that of his current self. Grunting in satisfaction, the DOCTOR again turns back to the chest, leaving BEN still holding the mirror.) BEN: Have you done with this? DOCTOR: Put it down, put it down. (BEN does so, his frustration and anger increasing.) BEN: Now, what's the game? DOCTOR: (Cries out.) Ah! (The little man pulls out an ornamental dagger from the chest. He examines the object thoughtfully.) DOCTOR: The crusades, from Saladin. (He once more turns back to the chest.) DOCTOR: (Gleefully.) The Doctor was a great collector, wasn't he! POLLY: But you're the Doctor! (The man pauses for a moment.) DOCTOR: Oh, I don't look like him. BEN: Who are we? DOCTOR: Don't you know? (The man places the dagger back in his pocket, and then brings out a dull-looking piece of metal from the chest. It is angled at one end with a square hole cut into it. A look of fear appears on his face.) DOCTOR: Extermination! (BEN and POLLY look at each in mutual puzzlement. The man replaces the metal back in his pocket and turns back to the chest.) DOCTOR: Ah! (He has discovered a magnifying glass. Peering through it, he studies his hands.) DOCTOR: Ah, very good. Nails need growing. (BEN takes the ring from POLLY and holds it up before the man.) BEN: Now look, the Doctor always wore this. So if you're him, it should fit now, shouldn't it? (BEN grabs the man's hand, and slips the ring on. However, it is far too big for the finger.) BEN: There - that settles it. DOCTOR: I'd like to see a butterfly fit into a chrysalis case after it's spread its wings. POLLY: Then you did change! DOCTOR: Life depends on change...and renewal. BEN: (Sarcastically.) Oh, so that's it - you've been renewed, have ya? DOCTOR: I've been renewed, have I? That's it, I've been renewed! (He paces round the room slightly.) DOCTOR: It's part of the TARDIS - without it, I couldn't survive. (He suddenly speaks harshly to POLLY.) DOCTOR: Come here! (POLLY looks nervous. The man lowers his tone and repeats the command...) DOCTOR: Come here. (POLLY steps warily closer to him.) DOCTOR: The Doctor kept a diary, didn't he? POLLY: Yes. DOCTOR: I thought so. Now, I wonder where? (He walks back to the chest.) DOCTOR: I wonder where? (BEN and POLLY watch him as he resumes his rummaging.) POLLY: He's a very different Doctor, Ben. BEN: Yeah, maybe. Just where do we stand, though? (Suddenly, an expression of joy appears on the DOCTOR'S face, as he pulls a tattered recorder from the storage box. He immediately blows a short tune on the recorder, while shuffling a few steps of a dance at the same time. At the conclusion of the tune, the DOCTOR deposits the recorder into a pocket of his voluminous coat and resumes the search of the storage chest. He pulls out another object - a book with "500 YEAR DIARY" embossed on the cover. He starts to flick through the pages.) POLLY: Doctor? Doctor, what's going to happen to us? DOCTOR: I think...I think we must have landed for sometime. I think it's time we went for a stroll. (The DOCTOR grabs a tall-peaked stove-piped hat from the chest, and places it on his head. With his eyes firmly placed on the diary's contents, the DOCTOR walks over to the console and flicks a switch. The TARDIS doors glide open. BEN and POLLY are alarmed.) POLLY: (Shouts.) But you don't know where we've landed! BEN: (Shouts.) No, you haven't checked the oxygen or the temperature or anything! (The DOCTOR doesn't look up from his diary but carries on reading.) DOCTOR: Oxygen density one-seven-two, radiation nil, temperature...eighty-six - strong suggestion of mercury deposits. Satisfied, Ben? Now, are you two coming or are you not? (He walks out.) POLLY: He does know us! He said "Ben", didn't you hear him? BEN: Yeah, I heard. But he might just have been copying you though, mightn't he? (They follow him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. MERCURY SWAMP (A rough, mist-covered landscape. The ground is littered with curving rock formations and small bubbling pools of liquid. At regular intervals, a small spray of liquid is emitted from one of the pools, causing the rocks to be covered by a small silver filament. Oblivious to the surroundings, the DOCTOR strolls by one of the pools, his concentration completely on the diary. The DOCTOR strolls directly towards a small pool of hissing mercury, apparently unaware of the danger. Just as he is about to step into the pool, he steps in a different direction and circles the pool. Suddenly he stops and looks back, realises that he has averted the danger and laughs quietly. He looks down...) DOCTOR: Oh no! (He steps out of a second pool of water that he has walked into. Somewhat gruffly, he yells back...) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Are you coming, you two? (He continues on his way but then stops and looks up. He notices a medium-sized rock blocking his path. Pulling a tape measure from one of his pockets, the DOCTOR measures the rock and then scribbles down some notes in his diary. He looks round, smiles and then backs up. Putting his hat into his pocket, he flexes his knees.) DOCTOR: Time I put you through some tests, I think! (The DOCTOR moves back a short distance, carefully studying the rock in front of him. Suddenly, he breaks into a run, and successfully leap-frogs the rock. Suddenly, a voice calls out...) EXAMINER: (OOV.) Hello? (The DOCTOR ducks into hiding behind the rock as a man in a dark tunic strolls into view.) EXAMINER: Hello? Is there anyone there? Hello? (Neither the new man nor the DOCTOR see a futuristic-looking pistol being raised and pointed from nearby.) EXAMINER: Hello? Why don't they come? (The DOCTOR steps out of hiding and the man sees him. He walks up to him with his hand outstretched.) EXAMINER: Ah, so you've come at last. I'm from Earth. I'm the Examin... (Suddenly, a shot rings out. The EXAMINER collapses at the DOCTOR'S feet. The DOCTOR glances around his surroundings in startled surprise. He is about to rush behind the rock, when he looks back to the victim on the ground. Realising that the man could still be alive, the DOCTOR cautiously moves towards the body and kneels next to it. His worst suspicions are confirmed - the man is dead. The DOCTOR notices a badge attached to the dead man's uniform. He removes his predecessor's wire-rimmed spectacles from a pocket, and places them on. However, when the DOCTOR attempts to examine the badge, all he sees is a misty blur. Realising that his new incarnation has no need for spectacles, the DOCTOR removes the glasses, and places them back in his pocket. The DOCTOR then turns his attention back to the badge and reads the wording on it aloud...) DOCTOR: "Earth Examiner. Accord every access. Vulcan." (As the DOCTOR searches the EXAMINER'S body for further information, another figure begins to move in. The figure is wearing a shiny white suit with a close-fitting hood and large goggles, which completely obscures the stranger's appearance. The stranger raises the pistol to the DOCTOR'S back. Suddenly, BEN'S voice shatters the silence.) BEN: (OOV.) Doctor?! Where are you? (The DOCTOR turns around as he hears BEN'S voice. The new figure quickly steps behind a nearby rock, but the DOCTOR has detected the movement. The DOCTOR turns towards the rock, but the figure has disappeared. Behind the rock, the stranger reverses his hold on the pistol - he now intends to use it as a bludgeon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE MERCURY SWAMP (BEN and POLLY have emerged from the TARDIS, and are closely examining one of the mercury pools.) BEN: Whoa, they're hot! POLLY: Hmm, do you think the air's like this everywhere? BEN: Nah - might be just round here. Don't want too many lung full of it, I know that. Here, when I was a kid, we used to live opposite a brewery. You could take a walk and get tipsy all in one go! (POLLY kneels next to the pool for a closer look.) POLLY: It's beautiful! BEN: No, don't touch it, Polly! POLLY: I wasn't going to. BEN: No, it's quicksilver - it gets through the pores. (BEN looks across the swamp.) BEN: Where is the Doctor, or whatever he is, got to? (As BEN looks around for the DOCTOR, a cloud of steam is suddenly emitted from the mercury geyser. It sprays all near to POLLY'S face. She coughs and splutters.) BEN: What's the matter? Hey, Polly! (As BEN kneels next to her, POLLY suddenly falls unconscious and collapses against him. BEN cries out.) BEN: (Shouts.) Hey, Doctor - wherever you are! Quick, there's something happened to Polly! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. MERCURY SWAMP (The DOCTOR, still holding the EXAMINER'S badge, glances around his surroundings in alarm.) BEN: (OOV.) Quick, over this way! (The DOCTOR is about to stride towards BEN'S voice, but the figure suddenly emerges from behind the rock, and strikes the DOCTOR on the head with the pistol. The DOCTOR is knocked unconscious. In the DOCTOR'S motionless hand, the figure carefully places a button. The stranger then proceeds to drag the EXAMINER'S body away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE MERCURY SWAMP (Meanwhile, BEN is trying to lift POLLY to her feet. Suddenly, another cloud of toxic vapour is emitted from the mercury geyser.) BEN: (Shouts.) Doctor! (Like POLLY, BEN begins to cough and splutter. Slowly, BEN fades into unconsciousness. BEN'S last vision is of a another white-suited figure approaching.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. MERCURY SWAMP (A third, older, white-suited figure approaches the one who looks over the DOCTOR. As they are all dressed identically, it is impossible to say which was the DOCTOR'S attacker. Both have pushed their goggles off their eyes. The older man speaks.) BRAGEN: Ah, Quinn, there you are. What have you got there? (He sees the unconscious DOCTOR.) BRAGEN: My people have found two more of them by one of the pools. QUINN: This one's got a nasty bruise on the back of his head. Fallen over his feet and knocked himself out, I suppose. BRAGEN: I suppose so. QUINN: (Exasperated.) Why don't they use the kit we send them? BRAGEN: Yes, the other two have had a rather bad dose of fumes - the girl has anyway. QUINN: Girl? BRAGEN: Yes, but she'll recover. (Two more of the protection-suited figures approach, one helping a groggy BEN and the other carrying an unconscious POLLY in his arms.) QUINN: (To BRAGEN.) These comic-opera guards of yours do have some uses after all. BRAGEN: I pick them for their physical fitness. QUINN: (Cutting.) I thought it wasn't for their I.Q. Give me a hand with the Examiner, will you. BRAGEN: I wonder why Earth has chosen to send an Examiner to Vulcan? Just now, I mean? QUINN: I don't know. BRAGEN: A mystery, isn't it? He isn't due for another two years. (Meanwhile, BEN is slowly recovering from the effects of the fumes. QUINN walks over towards him.) QUINN: How do you feel? BEN: Oh... QUINN: We saw your rocket overshoot the landing area. BEN: Eh? QUINN: Don't worry - most of the ships from Earth do over-shoot. I'm Quinn, Deputy Governor. BRAGEN: Bragen, Head of Security. QUINN: Let's get all back shall we? I'll take the girl. (QUINN takes POLLY from one of the guards. BRAGEN speaks to his men.) BRAGEN: Here, you two, help carry the Examiner. (He indicates the DOCTOR, and the guards start to pick him up as BRAGEN turns back to BEN.) BRAGEN: I suppose you Earth people can't wait to examine Lesterson's space capsule? BEN: Eh? (BEN'S puzzlement is replaced by surprise when the DOCTOR'S eyes suddenly open. The little man winks at him, and then closes his eyes again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. LABORATORY [SCENE_BREAK] (LESTERSON, a dark-haired man with round spectacles, is sitting at a bench in his large laboratory, polishing a dull-shaded piece of metal. He wears a long white lab coat. A pair of double doors on the left-hand side form the entrance to the room. On the right-hand side of the rear wall is an alcove dominated by a large window. Through this can be seen gantried rooftops of buildings below the laboratory. Within the alcove are various bits of machinery and devices, some mounted on the alcove wall. A large alien-looking space capsule with a tipped nose-cone dominates the right-hand side of the laboratory. It looks sinister and utterly different from anything else in the room. JANLEY, LESTERSON'S young female assistant, walks into the room. Despite her youth, she is very confident in her attitude and wears a simple two-piece dark tunic with short sleeves.) JANLEY: Lesterson? LESTERSON: Look at this. (He holds up the metal but JANLEY ignores it.) JANLEY: (Worried.) They've just brought in an Examiner from Earth, and a couple of assistants. LESTERSON: An Examiner? What's he here for? JANLEY: I thought you'd know. LESTERSON: Ah, it's the capsule, it must be. (He looks over with some passion and covetness at the large object within the room.) LESTERSON: Well, they can't stop me working on it, I can tell you that. JANLEY: Could anyone? LESTERSON: The Governor's always been difficult about it. But surely they wouldn't send someone all the way from Earth just to...? JANLEY: (Interrupts.) Look, what about the meeting? LESTERSON: Meeting? JANLEY: Yes - I've arranged everything. Can we still use the old rocket room? LESTERSON: Yes, I suppose so. But I do wish you wouldn't get mixed up with these pressure groups, Janley. JANLEY: Well, somebody has to do something. The colony's running down and you know it. LESTERSON: Well, I am too busy. JANLEY: But if we ran things, you'd have better facilities, more money. I wish you'd take an interest. LESTERSON: Now look, I don't mind letting you have the use of one of my rooms now and again, Janley, but don't try to involve me. (He gets up and looks over the alien capsule.) LESTERSON: This is what I find important. Two hundred years in a mercury swamp... (He holds up the piece of metal in his hand. It looks very like the one that the DOCTOR found in the TARDIS chest.) LESTERSON: ...and this piece of metal that dropped from it. Look - a couple of minutes polishing and it's as good as new. JANLEY: (Unimpressed.) Wonderful. LESTERSON: Rain, damp, heat, mercury - nothing touches this metal. No corrosion, Janley - think of that. JANLEY: Well, I hope the Examiner lets you go on with your experiments. (She turns and heads for the door.) JANLEY: Frankly, I doubt it. (She pauses at the door.) JANLEY: I think the Governor's brought the Examiner here to stop you opening the capsule. (LESTERSON suddenly looks concerned.) JANLEY: You should join our group, Lesterson. You might need us one day. (JANLEY strides from the room. LESTERSON watches her leave, a worried expression on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. GUEST QUARTERS (The DOCTOR, BEN and POLLY have recovered from their ordeal and have been left to rest in a small room. It has a couch bed and two chairs. A round grilled window overlooks the arching rocks of the mercury swamp outside. The DOCTOR is sat cross-legged on the bed, frowning and blowing a tune absent-mindedly on his recorder. He wears the badge from the dead man on his coat lapel. BEN and POLLY, the latter playing with something in her hands, are sat on the two chairs. BEN is growing increasingly angry at the new DOCTOR'S attitude to their situation.) BEN: So the murdered man was the real Examiner? (Nodding, the DOCTOR blows a series of three two-tone agreement notes on the recorder.) BEN: Well, didn't you see who did it? (The DOCTOR shakes his head, blowing a high-pitched shriek of a note for "No". POLLY holds out the button for all to see.) POLLY: The Doctor got this button though. (The DOCTOR resumes his tune.) BEN: Well, I think it's pretty dull around here. I don't know why we don't just go back to the TARDIS. (The DOCTOR again shakes his head, blowing a high-pitched note.) POLLY: Doctor, are you going to let them think you're the real Examiner? (The DOCTOR nods mischievously, blowing two more two-toned "Yes" notes on the recorder.) POLLY: Well, won't that be dangerous? (The DOCTOR pauses, and then blows a faster "Yes" sequence of notes. BEN has had enough and suddenly reaches forward, snatching the recorder from the DOCTOR'S hands.) BEN: (Shouts.) Look, why don't you stop blowing that thing and talk to us properly? POLLY: (Shouts.) Ben! BEN: (Shouts.) Now don't you start - it's bad enough with him! POLLY: Well, he hasn't done anything. BEN: No, that's just the trouble! He knows what happened back at the TARDIS, yet will he tell us? Will he come out and say? Will he admit to being the Doctor? (BEN blows an angry "No" note into the recorder in answer to his own question. At that moment, there is a knock on the door on the right-hand side of the room.) BEN: (Shouts.) Come in! (The door opens and a guard in a peaked cap and dark military-style uniform enters. He stands to attention and BRAGEN, out of his protection suit, and another man walk into the room followed by a second guard. BRAGEN and the new man both wear short-sleeved tunic uniforms with their name badges on. The second man's identifies him as "HENSELL". He also has a badge of office on his right breast. He is a small, portly, man with a short white beard. He is fussy and filled with his own self-importance. The starch BRAGEN stands next to him as he speaks to the travellers...) HENSELL: I am Hensell - the Governor. I trust you're all feeling much better? (The DOCTOR takes the button from POLLY and pockets it.) BEN: Huh, I've felt worse, Governor. (BEN is suddenly puzzled by the title.) BEN: The Governor? (HENSELL ignores the question...) HENSELL: If Earth had seen fit to warn us you were coming, we might, possibly, have been able to guide you down to the landing area. DOCTOR: If Earth didn't warn you we were coming, Governor, they must have had a very good reason. I wonder what it was? HENSELL: Now look here - I run this Colony. I'm entitled to know why you've come to Vulcan. What is your brief? DOCTOR: I am the Examiner. HENSELL: Why are you here? DOCTOR: To examine. And I intend to start my examination at once! (The DOCTOR suddenly moves forward and examines BRAGEN'S tunic. He ignores the look of puzzlement on everyone's face. HENSELL tries again.) HENSELL: Someone's leaked reports about these rebel groups - that's it, isn't it? DOCTOR: Your turn now, Governor. (The DOCTOR moves across to scrutinise the Governor's uniform.) BRAGEN: There is Lesterson's capsule. HENSELL: (Sharply.) Internal affairs are my business, Bragen. Please don't interfere! (But the DOCTOR is immediately interested in BRAGEN'S comment.) DOCTOR: Please go on. (HENSELL takes up the explanation while the DOCTOR continues to stare at BRAGEN...) HENSELL: The capsule. It was found in a mercury swamp. It must have been here for centuries. DOCTOR: Interesting - continue. HENSELL: For centuries before the Earth colony arrived. I felt it might be dangerous, it might contain bacteria. (The DOCTOR thinks and then returns to the bed.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) I shall examine the capsule...later. You may leave us. (HENSELL, his authority rocked, hesitates...) HENSELL: I shall look forward to your report. Bragen, see that the Examiner and his party...get some proper clothes, will you? (HENSELL, BRAGEN and their two guards leave. The DOCTOR looks down at himself.) DOCTOR: (Indignantly.) We are wearing proper clothes! (He places the recorder to his lips, and starts playing again.) BEN: (To POLLY.) Oh, how did he get that thing back again? (To the DOCTOR.) That was a bit of a cheek, wasn't it? Er, seeing if the Governor was the guy that you got the button off? POLLY: Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? POLLY: When he was talking to you, you were staring at the other man? DOCTOR: Yes, very rude of me, wasn't it? Terrible manners. (The DOCTOR lowers his voice and BEN and POLLY move in to listen...) DOCTOR: To tell you the truth, I was studying his reactions - seeing if he agreed with the story. BEN: Did he? DOCTOR: Must have a look at that capsule. BEN: You know, you wanna watch you don't take this Examiner stuff a bit too far. DOCTOR: Our answers must come from that mercury swamp. BEN: 'Cos at least one bloke ain't gonna be fooled. DOCTOR: When Bragen found us, he definitely said space capsule. BEN: Look, you're not going to fool the guy that did the real Examiner in! (But the DOCTOR returns to his tune on the recorder. BEN sighs and gives up...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CORRIDOR (Later, in a corridor, BRAGEN is pinning up a notice on a board. Two guards attend him. QUINN strides up, clearly agitated. He also now wears a colony tunic, though of a lighter shade than BRAGEN'S) QUINN: Bragen! What's all this nonsense about having to have a pass to see the Examiner? BRAGEN: It's the Governor's idea. QUINN: Surely it doesn't apply to me? BRAGEN: It's not my order, Quinn. I expect the Governor wants to keep people away from him. QUINN: It sounded like one of your red-tape ideas. BRAGEN: It has nothing to do with me. (BRAGEN turns his back on QUINN and carries on with the notice board.) QUINN: (Angrily.) Right! (Frustrated, QUINN walks away, but almost collides with JANLEY as she hurries around a corner.) JANLEY: Oh! QUINN: Sorry, Janley. JANLEY: (Laughs.) My fault. QUINN: Are you all right? JANLEY: Yes. Lesterson's just cleared me out of his lab. (QUINN laughs.) JANLEY: Is the Examiner going to let him open the capsule? QUINN: I don't know. I'm on my way there now...if I can push past Bragen's army of layabouts. (JANLEY touches QUINN'S left sleeve...which is missing a button.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. LABORATORY (NIGHT) (Night has fallen and in LESTERSON'S laboratory, the DOCTOR studies the strange capsule. The others watch on in anticipation. BEN and POLLY have changed into colony tunics. In the room with them are LESTERSON, HENSELL, QUINN and JANLEY, the latter now wearing a white lab coat. The DOCTOR crosses from the capsule to the bench and notices the piece of metal that LESTERSON was polishing. He picks it up, with a concerned expression on his face.) DOCTOR: Where did you get this? LESTERSON: It dropped from the capsule. DOCTOR: Dropped? LESTERSON: Yes, when it was being hauled into the laboratory. But, you can see! This metal could revolutionise space travel. That's why I'm insisting that we open it. Well, who knows what other marvels there may be inside? HENSELL: But Lesterson, I didn't think you could open it? LESTERSON: Well, I have a theory. I'm convinced that the opening mechanism on the other side is either here, or here. (While LESTERSON is occupied with HENSELL, the DOCTOR pulls out the piece of metal he was studying in the TARDIS. His concern increases as he compares it with LESTERSON'S piece. POLLY and BEN exchange puzzled looks as the DOCTOR mutters to himself...) DOCTOR: Extermination... (LESTERSON is still speaking to the colonists and indicates a closed doorway in the capsule...) LESTERSON: Now, my theory is that I can insert a laser ray in this ridge here. (The DOCTOR and his companions join them.) LESTERSON: The ray spreads, fuses the opening device and gets us in. (HENSELL turns to the DOCTOR.) HENSELL: Examiner, I shall have to make it your responsibility. DOCTOR: A laser? Why not? It shouldn't be too difficult. (The blow torch-like laser has already been set up in front of the capsule. LESTERSON switches on the torch, causing a small beam of light to shine onto the first spot indicated by LESTERSON. Nothing happens.) LESTERSON: Well, we'll try the other side. (LESTERSON shines the flame on the other side of the door. Suddenly, there is a click of machinery from within. The hatchway door slides open. Everyone rushes forward simultaneously to stare into the capsule. The DOCTOR and LESTERSON cautiously step through the entrance door, and into a small dark empty compartment.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CAPSULE ENTRANCE CHAMBER (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR immediately starts to study the right hand wall as the others crowd into the small space. A closed arch in the wall is obviously another doorway. Their words echo in the enclosed metallic room...) LESTERSON: Hmm, it's a bit...disappointing. DOCTOR: Not really. This is just an entry bay, isn't it? LESTERSON: Yes, I...I suppose so. HENSELL: Well, this doesn't get us very far does it? LESTERSON: Ah, getting into the rest of the capsule will take time, Governor. BEN: Well, can't you use that torch thing again? That must be an opening door. LESTERSON: (Hurriedly.) Well, I should have to measure it up and find out where the lock mechanism is. DOCTOR: And I think we'll leave if for tonight. LESTERSON: Leave it? HENSELL: Leave it for tonight? But what did we come here for? DOCTOR: (Tersely.) That is my decision, Governor. HENSELL: But, good heavens above, man! DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Two hundred years, you say, this has been buried? (He starts to leave the capsule.) LESTERSON: Oh, at least. Now, there must be something in the inner compartment. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. LABORATORY (NIGHT) (LESTERSON follows the DOCTOR back into the laboratory. The others follow.) LESTERSON: We shall be able to find out where it came from originally. DOCTOR: It didn't come from this planet - Vulcan. LESTERSON: Oh no, no, no. The metal is quite alien. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Alien, yes. Very alien. Goodnight. (The DOCTOR abruptly walks from the room.) BEN: What's he up to now? POLLY: Ben, we're not going to let him out of our sight. (BEN and POLLY follow the DOCTOR, leaving the colonists to contemplate the situation.) HENSELL: Well, Lesterson, you got your way. Was it worth sending for this Examiner? This idiotic Examiner? LESTERSON: (Puzzled.) I didn't send for him. I thought you did. QUINN: Why don't you let me talk to the Examiner, Hensell? I can find out what's he's here for. HENSELL: No, no, no, no, you keep away from him. We'll leave him to work with Lesterson here. We've all got enough to do without having to worry about some amateur critic from Earth interfering. QUINN: But with five minutes, I ..... HENSELL: (Interrupts.) You heard what I said, Quinn. You won't mind keeping the Examiner busy, Lesterson? I don't mind what you do with him so long as you keep his nose...out of our business. LESTERSON: Yes. All right. HENSELL: All right. Well, we shall talk about it tomorrow. (LESTERSON watches as the rest of the colonists file out of the room. Once alone, he turns back to his workbench. He suddenly realises the piece of metal that he was polishing has disappeared - the 'Examiner' must have taken it. A worried expression appears on LESTERSON'S face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. GUEST QUARTERS (NIGHT) (Later that night, in the sleeping quarters, BEN lies on the bed idly handling the DOCTOR'S recorder as POLLY looks through the door.) POLLY: Ben! BEN: What? POLLY: Shh! He's in the corridor. BEN: Who is? POLLY: The Doctor, you clod! Come on - quick! (BEN gets up and follows her out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CORRIDOR (NIGHT) (They are in time to see the DOCTOR disappear around the end of the corridor.) POLLY: (Quietly.) He's going towards Lesterson's lab. BEN: (Quietly.) Of course - to the space capsule! POLLY: (Quietly.) Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. LABORATORY (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR steps into the deserted laboratory and over to the capsule. As the DOCTOR reaches its entrance, he dips into his pockets and withdraws the two pieces of metal - the one shined by LESTERSON, the other from the TARDIS. He disappears into the capsule just as BEN and POLLY silently enter the laboratory.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. CAPSULE ENTRANCE CHAMBER (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR creeps up to his discovery in the wall, unaware that BEN and POLLY are close behind him. He inserts the shiny piece of metal into the thin opening, and pushes the 'key' home. There is a hum as the inner door of the capsule slides open.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. CAPSULE INNER CHAMBER (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR looks into the darkened interior through the arched doorway. Within, covered in dust and cobwebs are two Daleks! They are still and their arms and eyes for the most part droop downwards although the arm of the Dalek on the left sticks into the air. The DOCTOR doesn't turn round but quietly speaks to his two companions as they creep up behind him.) DOCTOR: Polly, Ben, come in and meet the Daleks. BEN: What? DOCTOR: The Daleks. (The DOCTOR begins to walk further into the inner chamber. The other two follow him. Suddenly, the air inside the capsule disturbed, the arm of the Dalek on the left drops downwards. POLLY gasps with fright and then sighs with relief.) POLLY: (To the DOCTOR.) You could have opened this before. DOCTOR: These two pieces of metal are identical. The Doctor got one of them from the Daleks himself. BEN: Why do you keep saying the Doctor if you mean you? (The DOCTOR ignores him and carries on looking over the DALEKS.) DOCTOR: I knew I should find them here - I knew it. BEN: Ah, they look harmless, not very lively. POLLY: What do you think? Two hundred years in a swamp and you wouldn't look very lively either. Nothing could live through that, could it? BEN: Live? DOCTOR: Nothing human, no. (POLLY suddenly points to the floor.) POLLY: Doctor, look! BEN: What's the matter? (The DOCTOR bends down to examine the floor. There is the shape of the base of a third Dalek on the floor.) DOCTOR: (Shocked.) Well, there were three Daleks in here! What's happened to the other one? (Behind the DOCTOR, BEN spots something moving in the corner. Paralysed with fear, he chokes...) BEN: Doctor! (POLLY gasps, as the DOCTOR turns to confront the horror - a gruesome claw-like appendage crawls from out of the shadows...)	Plan: A: an Earth colony; Q: What is the Doctor brought to on the planet Vulcan? Summary: The Doctor and his companions are brought to an Earth colony on the planet Vulcan.
Ted (voix off): Kids, I told you stories about all the big holidays - Christmas... Halloween... Thanksgiving... but one holiday was always my favorite-- Super Bowl Sunday. And there was one Super Bowl back in 2007 that I will never forget. They're all at Mclaren's Ted: Marshall, you're on beer detail. Lily, you're making the bean dip. Uh, Robin, you're on chips and pretzels, and Barney, I'm giving you nothing to do so you can just focus on controlling your gambling problem. Barney: "Problem." Oh, poor Superman, he should really do something about his flying problem. It's not a problem if you're awesome at it. Ted: And I will be going to Quinn's to pick up the world's greatest food, the Super Bowl Hot Wings Platter. Marshall: If I were a chicken, I'd go cannibal for those bad boys. Just eat my own damn wing off. I don't care. I'm crazy like that. The waitress: Here's the info for tomorrow night. Ted: What's tomorrow night? The waitress: Oh, God, you didn't hear? Mark died. Lily: Oh, my God. Marshall: Oh, my gosh. The waitress: The funeral's tomorrow at 6:00, and I know it would have meant a lot to Mark if you came. You guys were his favorite customers. All: Stay strong. We're so sorry. (the waitress leaves) Ted: Who was Mark? Marshall: No idea. Barney: Not a clue. Lily: Well, I guess we should go, right? Marshall: Wait... tomorrow night at 6:00, that's the Super Bowl. Ted: Okay, I feel terrible, but the truth is we didn't know Mike. Lily: Mark. Ted: Mark, and as long as we send flowers, I can't think of any reason we'd have to Carl (at the bar): Get out of here! I never want to see your face in this bar again! This soulless bstrd just told me he can't come to Mark's funeral because he wants to watch the Super Bowl. Could you believe that? You guys are coming, right? All: Yes... Wouldn't miss for the world. At the apartment they're preparing for the funeral. Ted: Okay, here's the plan: record the game, go to the funeral, pay our respects to Matt... Lily: Mark. Ted: Mark, and start watching only an hour late. Marshall: Okay, that's great, but just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods. Ted: Almighty TiVo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us: the power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of Godlike. Let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, O magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats. Marshall: Amen. Ted: Amen. Lily: We are not fast-forwarding through the commercials. Robin: Yeah, they're the best part. Ted: Oh, come on. Remember last year? Who wants to watch a monkey in a coconut bra order a pizza? Robin: Oh, my God. This monkey was so cute. Barney comes into the apartment. He's on the phone. Barney: Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy. Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up? Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted? Ted: Virtually. Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile. Ted: Sartorial"? Barney: "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?! At the funeral, they all see Mark and remember who he was. Barney: Such a waste. Lily: I know. He was so young. Barney: A hand-stitched, cashmere, double-breasted Dolce & Gabbana. It must be so frightened. Robin: This is going faster than I thought. We'll make an appearance at the bar for the wake, we'll be watching the game by 8:00. They're at the bar for the wake. Carl: And even though we didn't see any whales, Mark and I both said it was the best day of our lives. Okay, I'm getting us another round. And when I come back, everyone else is telling their favorite Mark story. Marshall: Dibs on the one Carl just told. Robin: Okay, I have to be at work exactly one Super Bowl from now. Lily: Oh, let's face it, we're not going to get to watch it. We should just find out the score. Barney: Oh, thank God! I'll find out. Ted: No, no, no, we can't! We have to watch the game together. It's tradition. Think of all the great times we've had watching this game. Flashback. In 2003, they're all watching the Super Bowl. Ted: Second down, everyone drink. Barney: Ted, it's not a drinking game if you drink anytime anything happens. Marshall: Are these chicken wings or angel wings? God, I love these things. Ted: I love you guys. This is so great, all of us watching the Super Bowl together. This is special. We need to do this every year, promise me! Marshall: Calm down, buddy. Lily: Oh, commercials! Ted: Everyone drink! In 2004. Ted: God, this is such a great tradition, all of us watching the game together. How did this start? Marshall: Hey, Barney, I bet you 20 bucks that Casey misses this field goal. Barney: I don't bet. Betting's for suckers. Marshall: Make it like a dollar or something, you know. Who cares? No big deal. Barney: Fine. Marshall: See, there you go, he made it. You win. Barney: Wait. This is mine, just like that? God, that feels good. No, that feels really... good. What else can we bet on? Marshall: Nothing, it's the halftime show. Lily: Oh, so lame. Nobody even pays attention. I mean, Janet Jackson, who cares? In 2006. Ted: God, how cool is Robin? Marshall: I can't believe you invited this girl we've only known for a few months to our sacred day. Now she's gonna be in all the pictures. Barney: Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll give you the Seahawks plus six points for 500 bucks. Marshall: Are you crazy? Maybe for $50. Barney: $50?! What fun is $50?! Why don't we just bet air?! God, Marshall! Okay, $50. Robin: Hey, I'll take that action. Seahawks, but make it four points and make it a grand. Hey, these wings, are they chicken wings or angel wings? Oh, commercials! Monkey with a coconut bra. Hilarious. End of flashback. Back to the bar. Ted: Look, we always watch the Super Bowl together. So we make a pact to watch it tomorrow at 6:00 and go the next 18 hours without finding out who won. Barney: That's impossible. Ted: I'm not gonna lie to you. It's not gonna be easy. That means no TV, no Internet, no newspapers, nothing. Media blackout. But our tradition lives on. Who's in? Lily: I'm in. Robin: I'm in. Marshall: I'm in. Barney: What the hell, I'm in. High five! Ted: Dude, we're at a wake. Barney: Sorry. Solemn low five. Ted opens the door of his apartment to take the newspaper. Ted (voix off): As the day began, none of us had any idea how hard it would be to go nine hours without hearing the outcome of the Super Bowl. I decided to work from home to avoid contamination by the outside world. Barney comes in Barney: Hey, take this key and swallow it. Ted: What? No. Barney: Come on, Ted, you eat salads. It'll be out by game time. Ted: Lots more, no. Barney: I'm not messing around, Theodore. I've got a lot of money riding on this game. If I don't handcuff myself to this radiator, I'll check the score. Please take the key. Ted: Fine. But only because you didn't think through a bathroom plan and I think that's funny. Robin at work. Ted (voix off): The media blackout was particularly hard on Robin because, well, she was the media. Robin: But unfortunately, the City won't be fixing the unusually large pothole any time soon, so buckle up if you're on the BQE. It's gonna be a bumpy one. Kevin: Like morning commutes needed to get any harder. Man: You're right, Kevin. Kevin: Well, Robin, what do you say? I think it's time to check in with Sid for a sports update. Robin: No! Kevin: What? Robin: No. Kevin: But it's, uh, time for Sports. Robin: No, it's not. It's time for Weather. Kevin: We, we just did Weather. Robin: Well, weather's pretty fickle, it may have changed. What's it doing out there, Lou? Lou: Pretty much the same thing it was two minutes ago. Back to you, Robin. Kevin: Okay, now it's time for Sports. Robin: No! Let's go to Traffic Todd in the Metro News 1 Gridlock Chopper. Kevin: Robin, it's time for Sports! Over to you, Sid. Sid: Thank you, Kevin and Robin. Let's talk about the Super Bowl. Marshall is in Lily's classroom. Ted (voix off): Weeks earlier, Marshall had promised Lily he'd come into her kindergarten class for show-and-tell day. Lily: And he's a little bit double-jointed... And his favorite animal is the Loch Ness monster. Marshall: Lily, how many times...? Nessie is a gentle creature. We're trying to stay away from terms like "Monster." Lily: Well, I think we can all agree, he is much more interesting than Sally's one-eyed goldfish. Three weeks in a row? Come on, Sally. Okay, well, that's all the time we have. Arts and crafts, everybody. Doug: Hey. I'm Doug. Marshall: Oh, hey, I'm Marshall. Doug: Are you going to be staying here for the rest of day? Marshall: Yeah, I'm actually trying to hide out 'cause I don't want to know who won the Super Bowl. Doug: I know who won. Marshall: Oh, um, that's great, but I really don't want to know, so if you could just keep that to yourself. Doug: How badly do you not want to know? Marshall: Excuse me? Doug: Ten bucks. Marshall: Are you serious? Doug: Just went up to eight. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted's place. Barney's still tied up to the radiator. Barney: Unlock me, Ted. I've never gone this long without calling my bookie. He worries. Ted: Not until game time. Barney: Where are you going? Ted: Pick up the hot wings. Barney: What? How the hell are you planning on getting in and out of a sports bar without seeing the score? There's TVs everywhere. Ted: Ah, don't worry. I got it all planned out. First of all: I placed duct tape on a pair of sunglasses so I can only see out of two tiny holes. Next, I constructed blinders out of an old cereal box. Top it all off: high-tech noise-reducing headphones I bought when Marshall and Lily first got back together and were doing it a lot. I call it the Sensory Deprivator 5000. Ted walks into a sports bar. Ted: Hello! Uh, my name is Ted Mosby. I'm here to pick up my hot wings. In my hand, you'll find the exact total for the wings plus a generous tip. Please take the cash. Put the wings in my hand and I'll be on my way. Thank you! Back to Metro News One. Sid: And that closes the book on one heck of a Super Bowl. Back to you, Kevin and Robin. Robin has blocked her ears. Kevin: We'll be right back. Man: And we're clear. Robin: I'm sorry. Woman: Um, Robin, is it just me, or were you doing something different there? Robin: I haven't watched the game yet. I'm begging you, for the rest of the newscast there can't be any references to who won the Super Bowl. I mean, change the teleprompter. No team names, nothing specific. Woman: That is crazy. I can't do that. Robin: My friend Mark passed away this week. Woman: Okay, sweety okay. Okay, I'm so sorry. Man: Back in five... four... three... Robin: It's just so hard. At the apartment, Barney's trying to free himself from the radiator. He finally does it and runs to the bathroom. 8 minutes and 23 seconds later Ted comes back with the chicken wings. Ted: Ha! Who's the idiot now?! You said the Sensory Deprivator 5000 was stupid. But it totally worked! (barney leaves and Ted doesn't notice.) I couldn't see or hear anything happening around me. Right?! Right?! (He takes his glasses off) No...! Ted (voix off): And if that weren't bad enough, I was about to have a horrible realization. Ted: Where's the dipping sauce? Marshall is still in lily's classroom. Lily's reading a book. Doug: The team that won, want to know what their name rhymes with? Marshall: Come on, dude. You promised you'd stop if I ate all those crayons. Why are you doing this? Doug: I'm in love with Miss Aldrin. Marshall: Well, you can't have Miss Aldrin, she's mine. Doug drops an object and breaks it. Lily: Okay, now who did this? Marshall: I did. Doug: Does that mean Marshall gets a time-out? Lily: Well, Marshall's a grownup, so... Doug: When one of us breaks something, we get a time-out. Lily: Sorry. Marshall gets a time-out. At Robin's work. Robin: And after the Super Bowl, the mayor of the losing team's city had to pay up, sending the mayor of the winning team's city 15 pounds of a delicacy his of her city is famous for. Better fire up whatever type of grill, steamer or fryer one might use to cook that delicacy, Winning Team's Mayor. Back to lily's classroom. Doug: Hey. Hey. Marshall: I'm not talking to you. Doug: Yes, you are. You'll do whatever I say. Hold your breath. Marshall: I'm not holding my breath. Doug: The winning team was the... (Marshall holds his breath) Now here's how this is going to work: you're going to take me to three R-rated movies a week... Ted (voix off): And then Uncle Marshall got an idea. It was not one he was proud of in retrospect, but desperate times... Marshall takes a glass of water and throwns it on Doug's pants. Marshall: Oh, no. Somebody wet their pants. Doug: No, I didn't. Marshall: Oh, really? Who's everyone gonna believe? I'm a grownup third-year law student at Columbia and you're just a little pants wetter. So now I ask you a question: You want to be able to quietly sneak off to the restroom and dry off or am I gonna have something for show and tell today? Hey, everyone... Doug: Okay, okay. You win. Marshall: I want my money back. And your pudding snack pack. Barney's running on the street. Barney: Sir, who won the Super Bowl? Man: Sorry. I missed the game. Barney: You missed...?! How could he miss...? Excuse me! Who won the Super Bowl?! Man 2: I... don't really follow sports. Barney: Oh, my...! Emmitt Smith! Oh, thank God. Emmitt Smith: Yeah, I get that a lot. Barney: You got to tell me, who won the Super Bowl? Emmitt Smith: The game was last night? You know, once you win two or three of those things, it's kind of like, eh. Barney: But you're Emmitt Smith. You're a football player, it's Super Bowl Sunday. What could possibly be more important than football?! Emmitt Smith: Dance, my friend. Dance. Barney: No...! Barney's on the knees. Ted walks passed him but doesn't see him with his glasses. Ted: Hello! It's me again. Barman: Oh! I didn't recognize you. Ted: Yeah, you forgot to give me the dipping sauce! Ah. Yes. This is the one. Ted (voix off): It was 4:00, and so far, all of us had done the impossible. But then, almost simultaneously, things started to go wrong. Robin's finishing the news. Robin: And let's end the day on a happy note. There is a new arrival at the Bronx Zoo. Trish Sanchez has the story. Lily's closing the classroom and Marshall's drinking at a fountain when the cleaner walks there with his radio. Barney is still in the street looking for the results and he finds kiosk. Ted's leaving the sports bar. Man 1: Hey, buddy. Man 2: Hey, dude, look out. At the Bronx Zoo. Trish Sanchez: And in honor of yesterday's big win... At the sports bar. Man 1: Hey, buddy, look out. Man 2: Dude, watch out! At the Zoo. Trish Sanchez: ...the zoo decided to name the baby panda after Super Bowl champions... Robin: No...! Marshall (at school): No...! Barney (tearing the newspaper): No...! Ted falls without dropping the sauce. Ted: Yes...! Monday, 18h15, Robin, Marshall and Lily comes into the apartment. Ted: Awesome. Just in time for kick-off. None of you guys found out the score, right? Robin: Mission accomplished. Lily: Didn't find out. Ted: Great. Let's do it. I already fast-forwarded through the four hours of pre-game coverage. So we are ready. (Barney comes in) Barney, I can't even look at you. I don't want any sign of who won. Ted: Don't worry, I'm not going to give anything away. Feel free to start without me. Ah...! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! So much money! You screwed it up, Barney! You screwed everything up! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Okay, let's watch the game. Ted: Barney, what the hell was that? We know who you bet on. Now you've ruined the game for everyone. Lily: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Barney. Robin: Way to blow it. Marshall: Yeah, I didn't know and now I do know. Ted: There's no point in even watching the game. Lily: Well, at least the commercials aren't ruined. Marshall: Wings are still good. Robin: Beer still works. Ted: Ah, what the hell. Let's watch Barney lose some money. Marshall: Hey, so check this out: I got extorted by a five-year-old today. Robin: I almost got fired today. Barney: I met Emmitt Smith today. Lily: Ooh, you go first. Ted: I tried out the Sensory Deprivator 5000. Lily: Yeah, go ahead, Barney. Barney: Well, I was frantically running down the street trying to find out the score to the game... Ted (voix off): And here's the funny part, as unforgettable as that Super Bowl was, here it is 23 years later and I don't remember who won... Hell, I don't even remember who played. What I do remember is that we drank beer, we ate wings and we watched the Super Bowl together. Because sometimes, even if you know how something's going to end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride. We even raised a toast to good old Mike. I mean Mark. Matt. Crap! Why do I keep doing that? Ted and Barney are at Mclaren's. Barney: I didn't only lose the game, I lost every single prop bet. Total penalty yardage, number of replay-challenges, coin toss... What are the odds of losing the coin toss? Ted: 50-50, give or take. Barney: Interceptions, field-goals, total sacks, whether or not there'd be a safety, first... Ted puts on his sensory deprivator 5000 and Barney keeps talking..	Plan: A: The group; Q: Who plans to watch the Super Bowl XLI when they are invited to a funeral on the same evening? A: the Super Bowl XLI; Q: What game do the group plan to watch when they are invited to a funeral? A: the score; Q: What do the group not want to know until the following day? Summary: The group plans to watch the Super Bowl XLI when they are invited to a funeral on the same evening. They make plans to record the game and to not find out the score before watching it the following day.
THE DEADLY ASSASSIN BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part One Running time: 21:13 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: The Panopticon. DOCTOR: No! No! [SCENE_BREAK] TANNOY: Sector seven, sector seven, alert. Unauthorised capsule entry imminent. Repeat, unauthorised capsule entry imminent. Stand to on sector seven. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Right outside the Capitol itself. I'm in trouble now. DOCTOR: The Chancery guards. Pft. What a welcome home. [SCENE_BREAK] HILDRED: It looks SPANDRELL: Yes? HILDRED: If I didn't know better, Castellan, I'd swear it was a Type Forty. SPANDRELL: It is. HILDRED: But that's impossible. [SCENE_BREAK] HILDRED (on screen): There are no Type Forties in service. They're out of commission, obsolete. DOCTOR: Obsolete? Twaddle. Take no notice, my dear old thing. SPANDRELL (on screen): Nevertheless, Commander, this is a TARDIS. It's in an unauthorised zone. I want the occupants arrested. [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: The barrier on this model is a double curtain trimonic, so you will need a cypher indent key to get in. HILDRED: Very good, Castellan. I'll send for one. SPANDRELL: After you have arrested the personnel, impound the machine. HILDRED: Of course, Castellan. Will you want me to question the SPANDRELL: Eventually, yes, but not on a Presidential Resignation Day, Hildred. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Presidential Resignation Day! [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: Data retrieval. Request information on all Type Forty TT capsules currently operational. COMPUTER: Negative information. Type Forty TT capsules are deregistered and non-operational. SPANDRELL: Report number of de-registrations. COMPUTER: Three hundred and four. SPANDRELL: Report number of registrations. COMPUTER: Three hundred and five. SPANDRELL: Report reason for numerical imbalance. COMPUTER: One capsule removed from register. Reference, Malfeasance Tribunal order dated three zero nine nine zero six. ENGIN: Can I be of any further help, Castellan Spandrell? SPANDRELL: One minute, Engin. HILDRED (on screen): Commander Hildred, Sector seven. SPANDRELL: Malfeasance, Hildred. HILDRED (on screen): Malfeasance? [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL (on screen): The occupant of your Type Forty is a convicted criminal. Approach with caution. HILDRED: Very good, Castellan. Set your stasers. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I must get past them and warn the President. DOCTOR: Cash and carry, Constantinople. [SCENE_BREAK] HILDRED: Right, follow me. [SCENE_BREAK] HILDRED: Don't move. I said, don't move. HILDRED: There he goes! Quick! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Hey, just a minute! Excuse me! HILDRED: Coyned. He's got into the tower. You'll have to check every floor. HILDRED: All guards report to main tower, sector seven. Dangerous intruder at large. [SCENE_BREAK] ENGIN: The Tribunal chose, in view of the extenuating circumstances, to impose a lenient sentence. SPANDRELL: What? ENGIN: (louder) The Tribunal chose SPANDRELL: What sentence? ENGIN: Oh, I beg your pardon. Banishment to Earth. SPANDRELL: Earth? ENGIN: Sol Three, in Mutter's Spiral. Rather an interesting little planet, I understand. Several of our SPANDRELL: Is there anything further of relevance I should know, Coordinator Engin? ENGIN: I see there is an addendum. Ah, yes. The sentence was subsequently remitted at the intercession of the CIA. SPANDRELL: Celestial Intervention Agency. They get their fingers into everything. Is he mixed up with them? ENGIN: There's nothing further on the file. SPANDRELL: Oh yes, they'd see to it that there wouldn't be. Can you get me his extract biog? ENGIN: Yes, certainly. Won't take a moment. HILDRED: Castellan, I have to report the intruder in Sector seven SPANDRELL: Well? HILDRED: Evaded us. And he shot one of my guards. SPANDRELL: I see. Such efficiency. HILDRED: But we have him trapped in the communications tower, Castellan. SPANDRELL: Well done, Hildred. An antiquated capsule, for which you get adequate early warning, tranducts on the very perimeter of the Capitol. You are informed that the occupant is a known criminal, whereupon you allow him to escape and conceal himself in a building a mere fifty three stories high. A clever stratagem, Hildred. You're trying to confuse him, I take it? HILDRED: I apologise, Castellan. He won't evade capture a second time. SPANDRELL: In the light of your impressive record so far, I would make no rash commitments. HILDRED: I found this in the capsule. SPANDRELL: To the Castellan of the Chancery Guard. I've good reason to think the life of His Supremacy the President is in grave danger. Do not ignore this warning. The Doctor. And he signed it over the Prydonian Seal. ENGIN: Apparently he is or was at one time a member of that noble Chapter. SPANDRELL: How can you tell? ENGIN: Well, the biog data extracts of Time Lords are colour coded according to Chapter. SPANDRELL: I didn't know that. ENGIN: No? Well, your duties usually involve you with more plebian classes, don't they, Castellan. SPANDRELL: A Prydonian renegade, eh? I have to refer this to Chancellor Goth. [SCENE_BREAK] FIGURE: Predictable as ever, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: He's a Prydonian renegade, sir, and as you know, when a Prydonian forswears his birthright, there is nothing else he fears to lose. GOTH: So you think there is a real danger, Castellan? SPANDRELL: He has already killed one of the guards. I think he's ruthless and determined. A typical CIA agent. GOTH: But if he is a member of the Celestial Intervention Agency, why should he wish to harm the President? SPANDRELL: He could have been suborned. If he's being false to his Prydonian vows, his fidelity is already suspect. GOTH: But this note? Why warn us in advance? SPANDRELL: Perhaps to get us nervous, or just looking the wrong way. Prydonians are notoriously GOTH: Devious? Not true, Castellan. We simply see a little further ahead than most. Anyway, what is it you want? SPANDRELL: Permission to withdraw fifty guards from the Panopticon to search the communications tower. GOTH: A great loss of pomp and circumstance. SPANDRELL: I'll feel much happier once he is in custody. GOTH: Very well, Spandrell. I should like to see this TARDIS. Extraordinary to think an old Type Forty is still operational. SPANDRELL: It's in Sector seven, cloisters. GOTH: Then we'll have to hurry. I have an audience with the Cardinals in a few minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Now, where's the local news programme? Ah. RUNCIBLE (on screen): Around me in these high galleries of the Panopticon [SCENE_BREAK] RUNCIBLE (OOV.): Already the Time Lords are gathering, donning seldom worn robes with their colourful collar insignia. The scarlet and orange of the Prydonians, the green of the Arcalians, the heliotrope of the Patrexes, and so on. [SCENE_BREAK] RUNCIBLE (on screen): And the one question that is on all their lips, the question of the day, as His Supremacy leaves public life, is who will he name as his successor? DOCTOR: Oh no, it's Runcible. Runcible the Fatuous. RUNCIBLE (on screen): In a moment, I hope to talk to Cardinal Borusa, the leader of the Prydonian Chapter, the Chapter that has produced more Time Lord Presidents than all other Chapters together, and perhaps get an answer to this question. [SCENE_BREAK] RUNCIBLE: Cardinal Borusa, if you can spare a moment, sir. BORUSA: Yes? RUNCIBLE: Public Register Video. If I could ask you a few questions? BORUSA: Good gracious. Runcible, is it not? RUNCIBLE: Yes, sir. BORUSA: One of my old pupils at Prydon Academy. RUNCIBLE: May I congratulate you, sir, on your elevation to Cardinal? BORUSA: Thank you, Runcible. Good day. RUNCIBLE: No, no, wait, sir. Please, if I could ask you a few questions. BORUSA: Runcible, you had ample opportunity to ask me questions during your mis-spent years at the Academy. You failed to avail yourself of the opportunity then and it is too late now. Good day. [SCENE_BREAK] RUNCIBLE (on screen): I'm afraid Cardinal Borusa cannot, at this present moment in the time band, commit himself. However, it is certainly no secret that a very senior member of the Prydonian Chapter, and the present number two in the Time Lord Council, Chancellor Goth, is the widely fancied candidate. DOCTOR: Oh, get off. GOTH (on screen): There's no way this Doctor can enter the Capitol from the tower, is there? [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: Not unless he's got the help of an accomplice. GOTH: From within? SPANDRELL: Perhaps he's gone to the tower to shake of his pursuers while somebody inside lifts the barrier. GOTH: What an inventive suspicious mind you have, Spandrell. So this in an old Type Forty. SPANDRELL: Its shape was infinitely variable. GOTH: Remarkably good condition. What are you going to do with it? SPANDRELL: I hadn't thought. I was more interested in its operator. GOTH: Well, I shouldn't leave it here in case he tries to sneak back. Transduct it back into the Capitol. SPANDRELL: Very well, sir. GOTH: Oh, and, er, keep me informed about your progress on the conspiracy. SPANDRELL: Of course. Transduct this to the museum. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What a way to travel. But which way the Panopticon? [SCENE_BREAK] FIGURE: So, he is within the Capitol. MAN: All his actions are exactly as you predicted, Master. FIGURE: I know him. MAN: He is resourceful. He will gain the Panopticon without further help. FIGURE: Of course, he knows he is entering a trap. FIGURE: But how can he resist such a bait? MAN: The hope of preventing an assassination. FIGURE: Quixotic fool. He will die quickly. Make certain he dies very quickly. [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: Well? HILDRED: We checked the tower, Castellan. Nothing. SPANDRELL: Nothing? HILDRED: Fifty two floors. Nothing. He never left the lift. We think he doubled back. SPANDRELL: To the capsule? HILDRED: Out here. There's nowhere else for him. SPANDRELL: Come with me, and bring the tracker. [SCENE_BREAK] GUARD: Castellan. SPANDRELL: Now he could get into the Panopticon. HILDRED: But everyone has to show a pass. The door guards will never let any SPANDRELL: Do you think they will stop Gold Usher? Would you? Get over there and try to find him. HILDRED: Very good, Castellan. SPANDRELL: And Hildred, try to be discreet. [SCENE_BREAK] TIME LORD 1: You know, I remember the inaugural of Pandek the Third. TIME LORD 2: Really? TIME LORD 1: Yeah. Nine hundred years, he lasted. Now there was a President with some staying power, what? TIME LORD 2: What? TIME LORD 1: Staying power. Where the dickens is my gown? TIME LORD 2: Nine hundred years, eh? TIME LORD 1: I could have sworn it was here a second ago. DOCTOR: Here you are, sir. TIME LORD 1: Ah, thank you. Most kind. Yes, very different from the fellows nowadays, what? They're chopping and changing every couple of centuries. TIME LORD 2: You're not gold, are you? TIME LORD 1: Not what? This isn't my gown! That fellow's given me the wrong gown. TIME LORD 2: What fellow? [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: There may be something in his history. Some clue. If only I could convince the Chancellor the threat is serious. ENGIN: It would have to be very serious before they'd delay the ceremony. The President must be on his way to the Panopticon by now. Can I have the data, Castellan? SPANDRELL: This has been in the reader recently. ENGIN: Surely not. SPANDRELL: No mica dust. ENGIN: What? There are millions of extracts in the archives. It's hardly feasible SPANDRELL: I live with the dirt of the past, Coordinator Engin, and I can tell you that the old crimes besmirch the fingers. ENGIN: Well, if it has been withdrawn, there'll certainly be a record. SPANDRELL: I shall want to know who had it. ENGIN: Yes. SPANDRELL: But let's see the extract first. ENGIN: A pleasure, Castellan. [SCENE_BREAK] FIGURE: Heh, heh, heh. The innocent to the slaughter. [SCENE_BREAK] GOLD USHER: You have everything, sir? PRESIDENT: I think so. GOLD USHER: The list? PRESIDENT: What? Oh, the resignation honours list. Yes, here it is. Some names here that will surprise them. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Runcible, my dear chap. How nice to see you. RUNCIBLE: What? Oh, I don't believe we've, er. Oh, I say. Weren't you expelled or something? Some scandal? DOCTOR: Oh, it's all been forgotten about now, old boy. RUNCIBLE: Oh, really? Well, where've you been all these years? DOCTOR: Oh, here and there, you know. Round and about. RUNCIBLE: Is there something the matter? DOCTOR: Oh no, just a twinge in the knee. RUNCIBLE: Well, if you will lead such a rackety life. Have you had a facelift? DOCTOR: Several, so far. RUNCIBLE: Yes, well, nice to have met you. I must get on. I'm doing the PR videocast. DOCTOR: Yes, and splendidly too, if I may say so. RUNCIBLE: Oh, do you think so? DOCTOR: Oh, it's a gift. Somehow you have a wonderful way of making the whole thing come alive. RUNCIBLE: Oh, that's very nice of you. RUNCIBLE: Oh, that'll be the President now. He's just arrived at the Panopticon. RUNCIBLE: Are you sure you're all right? DOCTOR: What? Yes. RUNCIBLE: Come on, you stupid yoik. DOCTOR: What? RUNCIBLE: I should be getting a signal from my camera technician up there. DOCTOR: No! DOCTOR: Let me go! Let me go! RUNCIBLE: (to camera) Just a little disturbance here in the Panopticon, as the President starts to ascend. Already the members of the High Council, led by Chancellor Goth, are moving forward to greet His Supremacy.	Plan: A: Gallifrey; Q: Where is a mysterious evil at work? A: the Time Lords; Q: Whose President was assassinated? A: the Doctor; Q: Who was caught red-handed? A: An inexorable master plan; Q: What has been set in motion? Summary: A mysterious evil is at work on Gallifrey. The President of the Time Lords has been assassinated and the Doctor caught red-handed. An inexorable master plan has been set in motion. There can be no escape
Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller Final check by Kim [Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter] Chandler: Hi! Ross: Hey! Monica: Hey! Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio. Phoebe: Oh, right! Your adoption interview! Monica: Yep, we're gonna meet the lady who could be carrying our baby. Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird! Chandler: And so incorrect! Monica: She's only a couple of months pregnant. She liked our application but who knows if she's gonna like us. Ross: Come on, she's gonna love you guys! Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up. Monica: And a lot could still get in our way. Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better.. Phoebe: What are you gonna name the baby? Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word. Joey: But just think, ok? What if everything goes right? What if this woman does pick you guys? Monica: Oh my God. She's gonna pick us! Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'? Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby! Chandler: Yes, but... Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves) Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's speaking to a girl.] Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, who's Phoebe with? Joey: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have s*x with. (the girl leaves and Phoebe goes toward the couch) (to Phoebe) Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Joey: So... who's your friend? Phoebe: Oh, that's Sarah. No, no. Don't you get any ideas, ok? No, I'm not setting you up with any more of my friends! Joey: OW, why, why, why? Phoebe: Because you'll date her once, sleep with her and then forget she exists! Joey: Oh, name one friend of yours that I did that with. Phoebe: Mandy. Joey: Mandy, uh? Uh... really hot blonde, big boobs? Phoebe: No. Joey: I know why I don't remember her, huh? (he winks at Rachel) Rachel: Do you think I'm someone else? Joey: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach? Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else! Joey: (pointing at himself) Growth! Phoebe: Fine, I'll give you her number. Joey: Ok, thank you. And I promise you I will not forget this one. (he starts writing on his hand) Mandy. Phoebe: SARAH! Joey: Saraaah. Ross: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hi! Ross: Hey you guys, I need some fashion advice. Rachel: Oh! Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look? Rachel: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... (Ross picks it up) a little bit more... (he picks it up again) a little bit more... (he takes it off) There you go! (pause) Now throw it away! Ross: C'mon! This looks good! Rachel: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat. Ross: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool! Phoebe: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us, right? Ross: Really? That would be great. I mean, I have to do something, she kinda teased me about how I dress. Joey: I can see why, nice shirt! Ross: You're wearing the same shirt. Joey: Stupid Gap on every corner! [Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.] Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica. Monica: Ok, thank you.(the man leaves) Uh, well this is it. Are you OK? Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?" Monica: Uh, we're gonna be great. Chandler: You're gonna be great. Monica: Well... obviously! Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica. Monica: Hi. It is so, so nice to meet you. Erica: (whispering) Hi... Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us. Erica: Hi. Agency guy: I'll let you get acquainted. Chandler: Ok. Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D. Chandler: That's what our friends call us. Erica: Gosh, you know, you're just such an amazing couple. It's... kind of intimidating. Monica: I don't know about that. Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend? Chandler: (astonished) I don't think that's exactly... Monica: (overlapping) Let her finish, doctor. [Scene: Central Perk] Phoebe: Hey! Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night. Joey: Well... Phoebe: Yeah! So you're gonna call this one back? Joey: Nope. Phoebe: What are you talking about? Sarah's great! Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere... (Sarah picks up some fries from Joey's plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we're back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe) Phoebe: That's it? That's why you won't go out with her again? So, she took some fries, big deal! Joey: Hey, hey, look! It's not about a few fries... it's about what the fries represent. Phoebe: What? Joey: ALL FOOD! Phoebe: I'm sorry, I can't believe I set you up with such a MONSTER! Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don't order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That's a good way to lose some fingers! (Rachel enters from the main door) Phoebe: (to Rachel) Oh Rachel: Hi Phoebe: Thank God you're here. Listen to this! Rachel: what? Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries... Rachel: Oh! Oh, no! (Joey looks satisfied) Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing? Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn't share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ... Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn't let her have a grape? Rachel: Oh no! Not me! Emma! (Phoebe looks horrified and she turns to watch Joey) Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD! Phoebe: Well, I still think that it's a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table! Joey: (he thinks a little, considering the option and seems to be quite satisfied) I like that! A sharing buffer! Yeah! I'll order some extra fries! Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some buffalo wings. Maybe an individual pizza, uh? And some mozzarella sticks. (he looks absorbed in his food thoughts) What were we talking about? [Scene: A clothes store. Ross and Phoebe are shopping] Phoebe: (to Ross) This place is awesome! Ross: You know, we should just go, I'm not gonna find anything here! This stuff is ridiculous! (Rachel arrives with a lot of clothes) Rachel: Ah, this place is great! Phoebe: Wow! Ross: Rach, come on, I'm not gonna wear any of this! (he picks up a shirt) Nothing silver. (Rachel sighs). Ok? Nothing with hair! (Rachel sighs again) And nothing with padlocks on it! (Rachel heaves a long disappointing sigh). Rachel: Ross, look, I know that some of this stuff is out there, but I mean, come on, look at this, look at this sweater! (she picks up a blue sweater). I mean, this is just beautiful! Ross: (feeling the fabric) Wow, this is really soft (he looks the price). Three hundred and fifty dollars? Rachel: Yeah, down from seven hundred, you are saving like two hundred bucks! Ross: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today. Phoebe (walking to Ross carrying a black leather jacket): Hey, check this out! It's totally you! Ross: Wow! Phoebe: Yeah! (Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror) Ross: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah!(he turns and watches his back and there's a sign on the back of the jacket, "boys will be boys") Boys will be boys? Phoebe: What? They will be! Ross: All right, that's it, I'm getting out of here. Rachel: No, no, no, no! Ross, wait! Come on! You know, there's other stuff. Here's a nice shirt, look at these nice pants... Ross: Uh, actually these might look pretty good on me. Rachel: Yes, they will! You know what you should do? Just go take a walk, all right? I know your size and I'm... I'm gonna pick up some really good stuff for you. Ross: Really? Rachel: Yes! And I know what looks sexy on guys. Please, just wear what I suggest, and she's gonna go nuts for you. Ross: So, you're saying, uh, if I wear these pants I might be getting into hers? Rachel: (to Phoebe) Why do men keep talking to me like this? [Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.] Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife's a reverend, that's important to you? Erica: Yeah, I read some great applications, but then I thought "who better then a minister to raise a child!" Monica: Amen. Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor! Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands. Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the bible say anything about adoption? Monica: It says "Do it!". And behold she did adopt onto them a baby. And it was good. Erica: Wow. Chandler: Yeah, wow. Erica: I was wondering you both have such serious jobs. (to Monica) Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock? Monica: Oh, you know, my flock is good, I mean, yeah, my flock pretty much takes care of themselves at this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock. Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time. Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn't. (The agency guy enters the room) Agency guy: So, how's everything going in here? Erica: We're great, I think I may have asked all my questions. Agency guy: Do you have any question for Erica? Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us? Agency guy: Yes, our system assures total anonimity. We're very proud of it. Chandler: You should be. You're really on top of stuff.. Agency guy: (to Erica) Well, then if there's nothing else, then the two of us should talk. Erica: Actually, I don't think we have to. Monica: We don't? Erica: Yeah, when I read about you two, I was pretty sure I wanted you, but I just thought we should meet face to face. (to the agency guy). I've made my decision. I choose them. Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that? Chandler: Yeah, I did. Monica: (to Erica) Hey, thank you. Thank you so much. (they hugs). You are SO going to Heaven! [Scene: Joey's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe walk in, loaded with bags.] Rachel: We got some really great stuff! Phoebe: Yeah, yeah but I am not sure about some of the bra's I got. Rachel: Oh! Really? Do you wanna try some of them on for me? Phoebe: Oh! okay. Wait, are we in Joey's imagination? Rachel: (looking into one of her shopping bags) Oh no! I took one of Ross' bags by mistake, and one of mine is missing. Phoebe: oh, well, Ross probably has it, you can get it from him later. [Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch] Ross: (to Joey) So? What do you think? (Shows himself - Joey observes him with a strange look on his face.) Joey: I think were not wearing the same shirt anymore!! Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here. Joey: (now laughing a little) Dude, I really don't think you should be wearing that. Ross: Oh, I see, somebody is afraid of a little competition with the ladies? Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!! Ross: You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. Yeah, now if you'll excuse me (getting up and taking his coat) I have a date. (As he is walking out, everyone turns and stares at him) See? (To Joey) ALL eyes on ME! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's hotel room. They enter.] Chandler: We are NOT signing those papers. Monica: Why not? Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else. Monica: God works in mysterious ways. Chandler: You have gotta stop! Monica: But she liked us. Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica. Monica: Well, if you think about it, I am kind of like a Reverend. I mean, as a chef, I serve God, by feeing the hungry and poor. (looks very convinced about what she just said) Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95! Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now. Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this? Monica: (very emotional) Because... We may not be who she thinks we are but no-one will ever love that baby more than us. Chandler: I know.. Monica: I mean, who knows how long it's gonna take for someone else to give us a baby? What if, what if no one ever picks us? Chandler: oh, honey.. Monica: (Almost crying) Please.. please, we are so close. Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug) Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us. Monica: (sniffing) Maybe she will. Uh! Why couldn't I have been a Reverend? Chandler: You're Jewish. Monica: Technicality! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe's friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.] Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down) Joey: Oh, that looks great! Good ordering! Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy! Sarah: Mmmh, those fries look delicious. Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries) Sarah: (looks over at Joey's platter) Oh wow, are those stuffed clams? Joey: Uuuh.. yes, they are my stuffed clams. (Sarah, is grinning and starts to reach over to Joey's plate to take a few clams) Joey: How about those fries though, huh? (Holds the plate between Sarah's fingers and his plate, thus blocking her from reaching his) Sarah: They are delicious (takes a few from the plate, puts one in her mouth and places the rest on her plate, then starts to reach over to Joey's platter again) Joey: (Spotting her movements takes her hand into his own) You are beautiful, you know that? Sarah: Oh, that is so sweet.. Joey: Oh (grinning, trying to hold in his impatience with her) okay.. (she takes her hand back) (Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table) Joey: (Visibly annoyed) NOW look what you did!! Sarah: What? what is the matter with you? Joey: I don't like it when people take food off of my plate, okay? Sarah: But you just said "What's mine is yours"? Joey: WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN IT! Sarah: Fine, I'm sorry, I didn't think it was that big a deal. Joey: I'm sorry, I'm overreacting. Okay, It's just when it comes to food, I have certain rules, okay, I mean (bends down and with his plate and his hands, scrapes the dropped dinner back onto the plate and puts it back on the table) There are things you do..and you now, things.. (takes something from the plate and blows it a little) that you don't do (He takes a bite from it). (Sarah looks a little disgusted) [Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets] Girl: Wow, this place looks great. Ross: Oh! You are gonna love it! (The girl is looking in the other direction as Ross is taking off his own coat, revealing the pink and white ladies shirt) and I'm so glad, we're finally doing this. Girl: Me too! (starts to take her coat off) Ross: Here (gets behind her to help. When the coat comes off we see she is wearing the exact same shirt Ross is wearing. They look at each other, shocked. They abruptly put their coat back on) So this was fun! (They leave the room and head into opposite directions) [Scene: Back at the restaurant with Joey and Sarah. Joey is holding Sarah's hands] Joey: I really am sorry about, you know..before. I just want to make sure you know that I really do like you. Sarah: Sure (smiling) Just not as much as clams. Joey: (Jokingly) Well, stuffed clams. (The waiter arrives with their deserts) Waiter: Chocolate Torte for the lady, cheesecake for the gentleman. Joey: Uh, excuse me sir, there seems to be some sort of red crap on my cheesecake. Waiter: Yes, that's Raspberry coule. Joey: (More to himself than anyone else) So stupid, ordering cheesecake, trying to be healthy. (pushes it aside) Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey) Joey: Oh, all right, I'll just have what she's having instead. Waiter: Oh, I'm sorry sir, that was our last piece. Sarah: Mmmm! Mmm! (Sarah's beeper starts bleeping) Sarah: Oh, no! This is work. I should call in. Can you excuse me? Joey: Oh yeah, sure. No problem. (Joey's looking at Sarah's dessert, and takes her plate.) Sarah: What are you doing? I thought you don't share food. Joey: Sure I do. (holding up his own dessert) Coule? Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street. Joey: (laughing) Really? Sarah: Really! Now this all better be here when I come back. (puts her plate back at her side of the table) Joey: Yeah, of course. I can control myself. (laughs uneasily and Sarah leaves the room) (Joey sits sideways on his chair, looking at Sarah's chocolate torte, and then looking away from it, nervously playing with his fork, drumming with it on the table every now and then.) Joey: (to the torte) Stop staring at me! (He then straightens himself, and looks at the torte) Joey: Why, just a tiny little... (He takes a little piece of Sarah's dessert. At first he doesn't think it's that special, but then...) Joey: Oh-oh! TIME LAPSE (Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.) Joey: I'm not even sorry. [Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.] Erica: Hi! Adoption Agency guy: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Agency guy: So, these are the preliminary forms for an open adoption. There's a lot to go over, but I'll explain everything as we go through it. Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture? Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler) Monica: Look, doctor! (Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are. Agency guy: I don't understand. Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor. Erica: What? Agency guy: That's impossible. Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like. Agency guy: I'll go check your file. Excuse me. Erica: So who are you? Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York. Monica: Yeah, but the important thing to know about us, is how much we would care for this little baby. (holds up the sonogram) Erica: So you lied to me before? Monica: Well, we... (makes quotation signs in the air) "bore false witness"... See I could be a reverend. Erica: I can't believe this. Monica: But we were hoping that since we told you the truth that you still might consider... Erica: Giving you my baby? You think I'd give you my child after this? Monica: Well, you don't have to decide right now, but if you could just look at our file... Erica: I don't want to look at your file! This is over. (She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.) Chandler: Erica wait! Erica: I've nothing to say to you. (walks a few paces) Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again. Erica: Why don't you ask the reverend to pray on it? Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising. Erica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. (walks away again, but Chandler catches up with her again) Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please? (They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.) Chandler: You still want that baby? (Monica plays those words back in her mind and then smiles and runs to Chandler, who is twisting with joy. They hug.) Monica: God bless you Chandler Bing! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk. Joey's on the couch when Ross walks to him, with his jacket closed.] Ross: Turns out this sweater is made for a woman. Joey: (nods) So, why are you still wearing it? Ross: Because it's soft... Hey, so how was your date? Joey: Ooh... Not so good. Ross: Well, looks like it's just the two of us tonight, huh old buddy? Joey: Yeah, and you know what? We could do a lot worse. (they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.) Joey: (shouting to Ross) JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD! (Ross puts the piece back on the plate) end	Plan: A: Monica; Q: Who is the minister in the family? A: Chandler; Q: Who convinces Erica to still consider them? A: Erica; Q: Who decides they are the right couple to adopt their child? A: Anna Faris; Q: Who plays Erica? A: their prospective child; Q: What do Monica and Chandler fly to Ohio to meet the birth mother of? A: their files; Q: What has been mixed up when Monica and Chandler meet the birth mother? A: a doctor; Q: What does Erica think Chandler is? A: the lie; Q: What do Monica and Chandler go along with when they meet Erica? A: their jobs; Q: What does Chandler tell Erica about Monica and Chandler? A: one; Q: How many things does Chandler feel he can't give his wife? A: her baby; Q: What does Erica decide they can adopt? A: Annie Parisse; Q: Who is Joey set up with? A: problems; Q: What does Joey have on his date with Annie Parisse? A: his plate; Q: What does Annie Parisse eat off of on Joey's date? A: clothes; Q: What do Rachel and Phoebe take Ross shopping for? A: bags; Q: What gets switched when Rachel and Ross go shopping? A: a date; Q: What does Ross go on with a woman who wears the same sweater as him? Summary: Monica and Chandler fly to Ohio to meet the birth mother, Erica ( Anna Faris ), of their prospective child. It becomes clear very quickly their files have been mixed up since Erica thinks Chandler is a doctor and Monica is a minister. They go along with the lie but Chandler feels guilty. He soon convinces Monica to come clean which causes Erica to reject them. Chandler catches up to Erica and convinces her to still consider them. He tells her about their jobs and how much Monica wants this child and he feels horrible that he cannot give his wife this one thing. Erica decides they are the right couple and decides they can adopt her baby. Meanwhile, Joey is set up with one of Phoebe's friends ( Annie Parisse ) but has problems on the date when she keeps eating off of his plate. Rachel and Phoebe take Ross shopping for clothes but Rachel and Ross' bags get switched. Ross doesn't realize he's wearing a woman's sweater and is incredibly comfortable in it, only to go on a date with a woman which comes to a very quick end when she wears the same garment.
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (VARIOUS STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOCKEY GAME - NIGHT] (A hockey game is being played on the ice. A player gets smashed against the safety glass smearing blood on it. The crowd surges to its feet.) Terry: What are you waiting for? Call it! (The REFEREE blows the whistle. The game is on hold as the player makes his way to the bench. The DOCTOR pushes his way to get to the player. He puts his bag down.) Doctor: Come on, come on. Coming through. (The player steps off the ice.) Doctor: Sit down and let me have a look. Okay, you're out. DOCTOR: Myles will move in from the second line. Terry Rivers: Forget about Myles, I'm going back in. Stitch me. Doctor: Terry, will you relax? It's a weekend league, it's not the NHL. Terry Rivers: It is to me. Doctor: You're not 100%. Terry Rivers: What are you, a doctor or a coach? Do me a favor, stitch. (The game commences on the ice. The doctors stitches up the cut under TERRY'S left eye. Terry Rivers: Come on. (The DOCTOR hands TERRY some pills and he swallows them. TERRY goes back out on the ice. The game continues.) (TERRY gets control of the puck. He takes it to the goal. He hits the puck toward the goal, but doesn't stop. He slams into the Goalee and flies feet over head. He lands in front of the goal. The other players tackle him and pile up on him. It's a big mess in front of the goal.) (The REFEREE blows the whistle stopping the game as the players get on their feet.) (On the bottom of the stack, TERRY lies there unmoving. His eyes are open.) Referee: Hey Jack, get over here. He's hurt bad. (The woman player takes off her helmet. The other player looks down at TERRY, not liking how he looks just lying there on the ice.) Player: (worried) Get the doc. (Camera holds on TERRY RIVERS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOCKEY RINK] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk out onto the ice. BRASS is already there in the center. GRISSOM looks around.) Grissom: Where's the body? Brass: On the bench -- he was moved there after he collapsed in front of the net. Apparently, uh the guy was responsive enough to be helped off the ice. He died a few minutes later. (BRASS, GRISSOM and CATHERINE cautiously walk toward the bench. BRASS removes the blanket covering the body on the bench. GRISSOM leans in to look at it.) Grissom: (pointing) This looks fresh. Brass: Well, according to the on-site doctor, he took on across the cheek earlier in the second period. (CATHERINE points to the large gash in the side of the neck.) Catherine: Well, I guess is must be from the third period. Looks like that other team worked him over pretty good. Brass: Hockey, rough game. Grissom: Yeah, it's murder. HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOCKEY RINK - STANDS -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and SARA sit side-by-side in the stands.) Grissom: Two minutes for elbowing. Four minutes for high sticking. Ten minutes, unsportsman-like conduct. Sara: Boys will be boys. Grissom: Yeah, sounds like these boys went to a fight and a hockey game broke out. Sara: You just don't like sports. Grissom: That's not true-- I've been a baseball fan my whole life. Sara: Baseball. Well, that figures. All those stats. Grissom: It's a beautiful game. Sara: Since when are you interested in beauty? Grissom: (without looking up) Since I met you. (Startled, SARA turns to look at GRISSOM.) Grissom: So, we'll start at the opposite goal work our way across the blue line to center ice. Sara: Sure. (GRISSOM stands up and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ICE RINK -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM and SARA start to methodically walk the ice looking for evidence. They start at the far end of the ice.) (Dissolve to: SARA and GRISSOM are at the middle of the ice ring.) (Dissolve to: GRISSOM is up front. His kit is open and he puts his gloves on. SARA is in the middle of the rink and busy taking pictures.) (Dissolve to: SARA is up front to the right of the rink. She's taking pictures of something on the ice. GRISSOM is in the middle to the left on his hands and knees looking at something.) (Camera close up of a sliver of something off-white being picked up and put into a bindle.) (Dissolve to: GRISSOM and SARA both on their feet and walking in opposite directions up and down the ice.) (Dissolve to: GRISSOM on his hands and knees in the front left of the ice. SARA is on her feet in the middle right of the ice.) (Dissolve to: SARA walks backward down the center of the ice. GRISSOM is way back on the left standing still.) (Cut to: GRISSOM takes a swab sample of the blood on the safety glass. He caps the swab, turns and looks over at SARA. He walks over to her and kneels down looking at something on the ice. SARA puts something in a bindle.) (GRISSOM takes a sample of the blood on the ice.) Sara: It's not much to go on. Maybe we should be looking off the ice. (And with that, an engine starts. SARA and GRISSOM turn their heads and see the zamboni machine enter the ice.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LOCKER ROOM] (CATHERINE talks with the Catherine: So, why did you move the body? Doc: You ever tried treating someone on the ice wearing just street shoes? Catherine: Then Mr. Rivers was still breathing? Doc: When I brought him back to the bench, yes. Then I performed CPR, and he didn't respond. Catherine: Did you also do the stitch work? Doc: I'm the on-site doctor for this facility. The stitches held, and I advised Terry not to go back on the ice. Catherine: So, if he'd listened, he'd still be alive. (The DOCTOR sighs. CATHERINE turns around and looks at all the players in their towels.) Catherine: What do these guys play for? A little money? Imitation Stanley Cup? Tommy Sconzo: (quietly) We play for the pride of it. (CATHERINE turns around to talk with the player dressing.) Catherine: And the joy of kicking ass. You are...? Tommy Sconzo: Tommy Sconzo. (TOMMY turns around.) Tommy Sconzo: Right wing, first line. Hitting's part of the game. Take away the physical aspect you've got figure skating. Guys out there doing triple lutzes. Catherine: Is that how you lost the, uh...? The sit spin? Tommy Sconzo: Second period, number nine. The guy's a real McCracken. Catherine: Which means? Tommy Sconzo: He gave me a high stick to the mouth. That's why my guys crashed the goalie. An eye for an eye, you know? Catherine: That why your guy ended up dead? (The question unsettles TOMMY.) Tommy Sconzo: What can I tell you, lady? It all happened so fast, you know? (He turns back to his locker.) Catherine: Usually does. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BACK ROOM] (GRISSOM and SARA walk the hallway. At the end, they come upon the zamboni.) Grissom: "There are three things in life that people like to stare at. A rippling stream, a fire in a fireplace and a zamboni going round and round." Sara: Charlie Brown. "I love a zamboni." Grissom: We all do. (Cut to: GRISSOM uses a mirror and looks under the machine at its tires.) (SARA looks at the zamboni's engine.) (GRISSOM finds something. He picks it up.) Grissom: The thing I love about zambonis is they pick up everything. Hey. Sara: Yeah? Grissom: I'm afraid the other part of this tooth might be in there. (SARA turns to look at the large pile of ice against the wall.) Grissom: Time to combine Foyeer's Law of Conduction with Newton's Law of Cooling. Sara: Pile of ice measures nine feet by five feet ... by ... nine feet. Without the calculus, I'd estimate ... a hundred cubic feet. Current temperature, one degree celsius. Grissom: The heaters max out at 90 degrees, but the variables are constantly changing. Sara: Let's ballpark it. Grissom: I don't know, 50-cubic-foot melt per hour, if we're lucky? Sara: 120 minutes for a tooth ... the whole tooth ... and nothing but the tooth. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL] (NICK and WARRICK cross the lobby. They hear bells ring and an excited woman screaming at her win.) Warrick: Whoo! There's a winner. Nick: Easy come, easy go. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE] (LILLIE IVERS sings.) Lyric: If I should die this very moment / I wouldn't fear / for I've never known completeness / like being here / wrapped in the warmth of you / loving every breath of you / still my heart this moment / oh, it might burst / could we stay right here / to the end of time / till the earth stops/turning? (WARRICK and NICK enter the lounge. NICK meets up with LOCKWOOD.) Lockwood: Lockwood, Homicide. DFO's in the back. Nick: Lead the way. (NICK turns around to look at WARRICK who is simply mesmerized by the lounge singer. NICK leaves to follow LOCKWOOD. WARRICK remains behind and watches the lounge singer.) Lyric: ...Seas run dry / I've found the one / I have waited for / all this time ... (WARRICK leaves the lounge.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - BACKROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] Lockwood: Stan Grevey, 35. Backup sax player. One of the waitresses found him. (NICK and WARRICK put their kits down and look at the scene.) Nick: Tiny scrubbing bubbles. (Camera zooms in to show the white powder at the corner of the victim's mouth.) Warrick: Yeah, after somebody wiped them down. Paramedics? Lockwood: Nope. Just pronounced, that's it. Warrick: Just pronounced? (NICK reaches over and lifts the victim's lip up. There's something caught in between his teeth.) Nick: Had an interesting diet. Cowhide. (WARRICK checks STAN GREVEY'S arm and finds needle marks.) Warrick: He tied himself off. Nick: Yup. Warrick: All the signs of an O.D ... without any of the paraphernalia. Nick: Your waitress say anything about a needle butane torch, that sort of thing? Lockwood: No, not a word just said he reminded her of Coltrane. Warrick: Coltrane, huh? (WARRICK takes a sample of the powder on the table.) Warrick: See if I can get this back to Gregor at the lab. He could tell us what we're dealing with. Two coasters, one glass? Nick: What do you think? Our guy having a little party with the waitress? Lockwood: She was just coming on shift. She came through me. Already cleared her. Nick: Well, somebody was here ... grabbed the stuff took their glass. (WARRICK takes the extra coaster. He looks over and also finds a soft contact lens on the table.) Warrick: Forgot this on the way out. Nick: Bet the contact wasn't his. (LILLE IVERS walks into the back room checking up on her friend. She's smiling.) Lillie Ivers: Hey, how's he doing? (WARRICK stands up and stops LILLIE IVERS from walking in further to the room.) Nick: Whoa, miss. Warrick: Whoa, whoa ... miss, you can't come in here. Lillie Ivers: Why not? Warrick: I'm sorry, he's dead. Lillie Ivers: (surprised) He's dead? What are you talking about? They told me he wasn't feeling well. He was backing me up an hour ago. (shocked) What happened to him?! Warrick: (quietly) Miss ... why don't we step outside for a minute? (NICK watches as WARRICK leads LILLIE IVERS out of the room. LILLIE turns her head to look back at STAN GREVEY.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM walks into the room.) Robbins: What took you so long? Grissom: I was watching ice melt. Robbins: Tox screen came up empty except for quinine. Must have had malaria in the past six months. Either that or he's a big gin and tonic drinker. I've ordered up his medical records. If I was this guy I'd have been popping pain pills. Hairline fracture of the ulna bruised kidney, ten stitches off the orbital bone fractured nasal bone, all recent. Healed rib fractures. (ROBBINS opens TERRY RIVERS' mouth.) Robbins: He should have worn a cage. (Holds up the tooth. He puts it on the side.) Robbins: I bet he was proud of every last battle scar. What is it about organized sports? Grissom: Well, organized sports is the paradigmatic model of a just society. Everyone knows the same language everyone knows the rules. And there's a specific punishment handed out the moment someone tries to cheat. Instant morality. Robbins: So, uh, what did this guy do in real life? Grissom: Stockbroker. Robbins: Competition junkie. Grissom: Aren't we all? Robbins: Not me, not anymore. Grissom: No? How'd you get to be Chief Medical Examiner? Look, we're all carrying prehistoric genes in a postmodern world. We get our meat from the grocery store instead of with a club or a knife. We have to work off our, uh, testosterone somehow. Robbins: Foibles of youth. Grissom: Yeah. So, cause of death? Robbins: Not sure. (ROBBINS sighs. He points to the cut in the neck.) This cut nicked his carotid. Double-edged, clean blade, hockey skate, uh ... (Quick flashback to the hockey skate cutting the neck. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: Fun continues. Basilar artery also suffered significant trauma. Evidence of blood in the intimal space. Possibly enough to cause syncope. Grissom: Loss of consciousness. Robbins: Well, it could explain why the vic ended up in the bottom of that pile. Grissom: So did his death cause his fall or did his fall cause his death? HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ICE RINK - BACK HALLWAY] (CATHERINE talks with BRASS. CATHERINE collects the team's gear.) Catherine: What'd you get from area 51? Brass: Terry Rivers was an instigator. Always stirring the pot. Catherine: Every fire needs a match. So, I guess this is their equipment? Brass: Yeah, down to the last stick. Here's a copy of the team roster. (BRASS hands CATHERINE the list.) Catherine: Okay. Brass: See you later. Catherine: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ICE RINK -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE looks at the list and calls out.) Catherine: Ms. Gallagher? (The woman near the motorcycle turns around.) Jane Gallagher: Yeah. Catherine: Catherine Willows Crime Lab. I understand you play for area 51. Did you see much ice time during the game? Jane Gallagher: No, they just let me take off my cheerleader uniform and warm the bench. Catherine: You know what? Been there, done that. Just asking a question here. Jane Gallagher: I played 24 minutes, 12 seconds -- about my season average. I also lead the team in assists. Catherine: Oh ... you've got good peripheral vision. You see the ice really well. Jane Gallagher: I didn't see what happened to Terry. Catherine: You're a real teammate. Down the line, just one of the guys. Jane Gallagher: You're looking in the wrong direction. Now, we may have disliked Terry, but his own teammates ... hated him. Catherine: Any reason why? Jane Gallagher: How would I know? I'm just a girl. Can I go now? (JANE GALLAGHER sits on the bike and puts on her helmet.) Catherine: Nice bike. (She rides off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG looks at the eye chart with one hand covering his right eye. NICK and WARRICK walk into the lab. NICK clears his throat.) Greg: Just getting into the mind of a potential killer. Warrick: Potential killer? Nick: Why don't you just catch us up there, boss? Greg: In a minute. First things first -- your contact lens was worn by a near-sighted person. And since I was born with perfect eyesight I'm experimenting with what it would feel like to be near-sighted. Warrick: Don't tell us you're wearing our evidence. Nick: Come on, Greg. Greg: Give me some credit. Borrowing a pair of lenses from Archie in A/V. Giving me a headache, though. (GREG picks up the results from the printer and hands it to WARRICK.) Warrick: Mannitol-- that's that baby laxative used to cut heroin with. Nick: China white? You sure? Greg: The GSMS does not kid around. Nick: West coast heroin is MEXICAN BROWN. 20, 30% pure, tops. What's china white, 75%? Greg: Uh, your sample's 91. Warrick: 91%? No wonder the guy O.D.'D. That's a death sentence. Nick: Doesn't make any sense, man. The money from dealing heroin comes from the cutting. The more you cut, the more money you make. There's no profit margin in selling stuff that's too pure. Warrick: Unless you're looking to kill someone. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TERRY RIVERS' RESIDENCE] (CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk into the apartment.) Catherine: So, this is what being a stockbroker buys you. (CATHERINE sighs. She looks at GRISSOM.) Catherine: How do men live like this? Greg: What's wrong with it? Catherine: Well, it's a cave with hardwood floors. Greg: It's clean. Television, couch. What else does a guy need? Catherine: Well, how about a plant? Anything to makes it a little more ... human. I mean, it doesn't seem like this guy had any ... connection to anybody. Grissom: (looking at the bed) I don't know about that. (He walks into the closet. CATHERINE takes out her ALS and starts examining the bed.) (CATHERINE clears throat.) Catherine: It's never a good sign when the number of women a guy sleeps with is more than the number of chairs he owns. Grissom: So, what's the ratio here? Catherine: Well, uh, ballparking it, I'd say ... four women to every one piece of furniture he owns including the TV. (She stands up and sighs.) Catherine: So... I guess our guy is about three things - pucks, bucks, and ... chicks. Grissom: Well, we still don't know how or why he died. Catherine: Well, we know how he lived. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA stands in the middle of the lab looking at the jerseys and hockey gear. GREG walks in.) Greg: Any blood? Sara: Take your pick. Testing for blood on a hockey jersey it's like handing out jaywalking tickets at a marathon. Grissom: Well, speaking on a meta-level ... isn't it obvious? The overbearing patriarchal structure of modern organised sports represents a socially palatable sublimation of what Jung refers to as the "Shadow of the Unconscious." Sara: You sucked at team sports, huh? Greg: I was captain of the high school chess squad. (SARA turns to look at GREG.) Sara: Chess is not a sport, Greg. (SARA walks to the first set of shoes and starts spraying them with luminol. GREG follows.) Greg: Then why is there a World Chess Champion? Sara: I think sports are physical by definition. Greg: Well, sx is physical. Is that a sport? Sara: Not to me. (She continues to luminol the skates.) Sara: These blades skated through the blood pool. (SARA continues to spray luminol on the skates. She finds something. She picks up the skate.) Sara: Blood spatter. Good guess -- this is the one that did the damage. Greg: You know, I had a roommate in college freshman year, from Edmonton, went on to play for the Swedish Elite league. Anyways, he set his blade at half an inch, tops. And I should know, because he made me get them sharpened. Sara: These blades are probably set at a quarter of an inch. (Quick flashback to: Skate blades being sharpened.) Greg: (V.O.) Well, that's as sharp as it gets. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Greg: It's a tough blade to skate on. We're talking Wayne Gretzky style Sara: And deadly in a fight. (SARA looks down at the card attached to the skate. It reads: "Hockey Skates / JANE GALLAGHER / ICE STATION / 493 PYRAMID WAY, L.V. NV / Date 2-27 / TIME: 1420 / C. WILLOWS") [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL] (WARRICK and NICK go through the garbage bags.) Warrick: Yeah, that victim was out of L.A. and I don't think the singer, Lillie met him before last night, so she may be in the clear. Nick: Sure you don't want to start in the dressing room? Warrick: (chuckles): Right ... like you're going to take dumpster duty alone. Nick: Hey, just 'cause I've been on a personal losing streak with the ladies doesn't mean you should be, too. Warrick: Man, I don't even know if I'm going there the odds haven't gone my way in a long time. Nick: I'm talking about chicks, not gambling. Warrick: Same difference. Nick: (testing) Mind if I go for her, then? (WARRICK turns around and looks at NICK. Point taken. NICK turns back to his garbage bags. WARRICK return to his garbage bins. NICK finds something.) Nick: Warrick. (Wrapped in a black scarf is the drug paraphernalia.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - DRESSING ROOM] (NICK and WARRICK question LILLIE IVERS.) Lillie Ivers: It's mine -- but anybody could have lifted this scarf from my dressing room. Nick: It's still yours. Lillie Ivers: You trying to pin this on me, now? Warrick: We're just doing our jobs here. Lillie Ivers: Well, did you find my fingerprints on anything? Warrick: We won't know till we print you. Lillie Ivers: Oh I'm not worried. What you see is what you get. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BASKETBALL COURT] (GRISSOM, SARA and BRASS question JANE GALLAGHER.) Jane Gallagher: You're putting words in my mouth. Brass: You said everybody hated him-- now we know why. Grissom: We opened up terry's hard drive. It turns out he had your entire roster knee-deep in the stock market. Jane Gallagher: I don't play for the rat pack. Sara: Not now ... but you used to. Jane Gallagher: Okay, so I changed teams. Big deal. I wanted to win. Brass: The fact that Terry Rivers churned and burned your brokerage account out of ten grand that didn't enter into it? Jane Gallagher: Terry was a stockbroker. He did really well for himself -- Rolex, Beemer. He said he could do the same for me. I gave him some money. If I wasn't willing to take a risk I'd have put it in a bank. Brass: You weren't the only one, were you? Jane Gallagher: No. All the guys had money with him. I mean, Terry was a salesman. You listened to him talk for five minutes and your hair was on fire. Grissom: Ms. Gallagher, your skate had a certain blood spatter on it. It indicates that you're the one that nicked Terry River's carotid artery. Jane Gallagher: Look, it was pileup. (Quick flashback to: The pile up in front of the goal. TERRY RIVERS on the bottom of the pile up with a cut in his neck.) Jane Gallagher: (V.O.) Everything was a blur. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jane Gallagher: That's ten guys with blades on. Hey, I was just looking out for myself. Sara: He was a stationary target. Terry was on the bottom of all those bodies. Brass: Like you said, nobody saw anything. Grissom: Including your skate intentionally coming down on his neck. (JANE GALLAGHER starts to look nauseated.) Jane Gallagher: Oh, god. (She throws up on the floor.) Sara: You okay? You all right? Jane Gallagher: (chuckles): I knew I shouldn't have had that shrimp salad for dinner last night. If you'll excuse me I'll get that cleaned up. (JANE GALLAGHER walks away. GRISSOM looks at the mess on the floor for a moment. He moves to gather it.) Brass: Wait, you're not going to ... what are you doing? (GRISSOM looks up.) Grissom: It's evidence. Food poisoning especially anything with spoiled mayonnaise can induce vomiting within 15 minutes. She said last night -- that was 12 hours ago. (GRISSOM takes a sample of the mess.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG holds up an evidence container of the sample GRISSOM took from JANE GALLAGHER. GREG shares his findings with GRISSOM and SARA.) Greg: She's a liar, and a mother. Sara: Morning sickness? Greg: Yep. Grissom: And you know this how? Greg: Well, first I tested for the presence of shellfish -- crustacean free. And then I figured if she's hiding that what else is she hiding? Sara: Little lie, big lie. Greg: There was blood in the sample. Not uncommon in early pregnancy. Women get mucosal tears in their esophagus because they yak so much. So, I tested the blood for the presence of human choriogonadotropins. She is definitely with child. Sara: She wasn't showing. She's skinny as a rail. But ... still, why lie about it? Grissom: Maybe she didn't know she was pregnant. If she had, would she have gone out on the ice? Sara: I wonder if she would know who the father is... or was. Grissom: Well, if it was Terry Rivers he was definitely deadbeat dad material. Which speaks to motive. Sara: It's enough to get us a warrant. Grissom: Except you can't safely test for paternity before the baby's born. Sara: We could search Jane Gallagher's apartment. See if Terry Rivers might have left anything behind. Grissom: Yeah. Say goodbye to Greg. (GRISSOM walks out of the lab.) Sara: Bye, Greg. (SARA walks out of the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE -- DAY] (NICK and WARRICK question BILL, STAN'S friend.) Nick: I've got twins here, Bill -- one set of prints from your work card; another set from the drug paraphernalia we found in the dumpster. Bill: Look, what can I say? He's got a son. Warrick: Well, that's fine. That's not the issue. You tampered with the evidence. Bill: He's eight years old. I didn't want Stan's son to hear that he died in a lounge. Foam coming out of his mouth a needle in his arm. That's too much for a boy. Nick: Yeah, but you got him the gig. You didn't know he was a junkie? Bill: So am I. Former. Hell, we met in A.A. I thought he was clean. I got my fourth coming up. Warrick: Could have lost your job. Bill: Besides, Lillie's going places. You know, she's on her way up. I want to be along for the ride. Warrick: So, you cleaned him up, threw away his works ... why Lillie's scarf? Bill: I grabbed the first thing I could find. Warrick: Lillie's scarf was there? Bill: Yeah. Warrick: Really? You mind rolling up your sleeves for us? (BILL laughs softly. He rolls up his sleeves and shows NICK the scars on his arms.) Bill: I've always had good veins. Nick: Yeah, okay. Warrick: Thanks. Nick: Hey, one more thing, Bill. You wear contacts? Bill: Not anymore. Lasik surgery. Nick: How's that working out for you? Bill: Great. One less thing I'm dependent on. (BILL leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY TO LOUNGE] (LILLIE IVERS walks through the hallway. She hears soft jazz piano music coming from inside the lounge. She pauses, curious. She follows the music.) (She walks into the lounge and sees WARRICK playing piano. When WARRICK sees her, he stops playing and stands up.) Lillie Ivers: No, no, no, no. Don't stop. Warrick: (shyly) I don't like playing in front of an audience. Lillie Ivers: It's just me. What, are you uncomfortable in front of strangers or something? Warrick: No, I just came by to ask you a few questions and I got a little carried away. Lillie Ivers: Oh. (LILLIE sits down.) Well, if you keep playing I'll keep talking. (WARRICK sits down and starts playing again.) Warrick: So, um, how well do you know these people you play with? Lillie Ivers: Oh ... well enough. (listening to the music) Who is this? Warrick: I thought I was the one asking questions here. (After a moment, he answers anyway. Warrick: Warrick Brown. Lillie Ivers: Lillie Ivers. So I guess we're not strangers anymore. (LILLI stands up and leaves.) Lillie Ivers: Maybe you should come by later ... so we can talk some more. (She smiles at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (GRISSOM and SARA examine JANE GALLAGHER'S bed sheets.) Grissom: Well, Jane may play hockey, but her sheets are distinctly female. Sara: There are semen stains everywhere. Not very Victoria Secret. Grissom: What is Victoria's Secret, I wonder? Sara: Beauty, Grissom. Remember? (SARA takes off her goggles and examines the sheets.) (GRISSOM looks through the sheet and a nail falls out. He picks it up and looks at it.) Grissom: Sheets may be female, but this toenail belonged to a man. Sara: With all the sx these people are having maybe I should take up hockey. (GRISSOM looks at SARA. She smiles back at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL -- LOUNGE] (LILLIE IVERS and WARRICK talk.) Lillie Ivers: I told you what I make. What do you bring in? Fifty, Sixty a year? Warrick: So, that's what you're all about? Lillie Ivers: No, that's what the business is all about. Warrick: Then run. Lillie Ivers: Hmm. I just thought that with your kind of talent you know, I could dial you in. I've got a manager with a pipeline to god. (She laughs.) Warrick: Sounds like you're pretty dependent on him. Lillie Ivers: I've been booked solid for the past two years. Next stop ... blue note, motown ... anything I want. Studio time, recording contracts ... Warrick: Great. Lillie Ivers: I'm a musician, Warrick, and I recognize talent. And the way you look ... you might as well be dipped in gold. Warrick: I don't know about all that. Lillie Ivers: What are you holding back for? You could be out there making a difference. Warrick: I already do make a difference. Lillie Ivers: Yeah, riding around chasing ghosts with that partner of yours. Nobody even knows you exist. Warrick: You do. Bill: Show time. Lillie Ivers: (to BILL) Okay. (to WARRICK) Okay ... Warrick: So ... knock 'em dead. Lillie Ivers: I'll try. (WARRICK turns his attention back to the bar. He sees the BARTENDER take something out of his pocket and slip it between two coasters. He puts the two coasters under the drink and serves it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (GREG catches up with CATHERINE in the hallway.) Greg: Catherine ... you seen any guys with a broken tooth lately? Catherine: Yeah, I saw ten of them. Greg: Yeah, well, one of them is your suspect. (SARA catches up with them.) Sara: I got your page. What's the big news? Greg: Oh, that tooth that you found at the bottom of the snow pile ... Catherine: You got a match. To what? Greg: To the nasty-ass toenail that Sara found. Sara: What? I thought it belonged to the dead guy. Greg: No, it belongs to a live guy. Catherine: So, what you're saying is whoever was in Jane Gallagher's bed was on the ice the night Terry Rivers died. Greg: Gold. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN ] (SARA and GRISSOM interview a hockey player.) Tommy Sconzo: It's a temp. Grissom: What about the girl? Is she a temp, too? Tommy Sconzo: You know, I treated Jane better than that Mutt Rivers ever did. And it never cost her a cent. Sara: Is that why you hated Terry? Tommy Sconzo: He was on my short list, yeah. Grissom: You know, I got a list. It's got a negative figure of 12,000 after your name. Tommy Sconzo: Well, money's kind of like my tooth. It don't grow back. Grissom: Did you ever hear the story of the 19th century chinese goldsmith? He lost a lot of money for his goldsmith buddies due to his shoddy business practices so they decided to kill him by biting him to death. 123 goldsmiths took a bite out of the victim insuring that no one individual could be blamed for the murder. For who would know which one administered the lethal bite. Sara: You're the captain of the rat pack. You make it so everyone gets a shot in and no one takes the blame -- it's a win-win situation. Tommy Sconzo: Well, it's a nice little bedtime story for your kids, but it doesn't have a lick of truth. Grissom: Well, there's truth in this: Your friend Jane is pregnant. Tommy Sconzo: I'm going to be a dad? (GRISSOM'S pager beeps. He pulls it out of his pocket and looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (GRISSOM and ROBBINS walk down the hallway.) Grissom: What kind of coronary anomaly? Robbins: W.P.W.: Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. Interferes with the heart's electrical system. Grissom: I never heard of it. Robbins: Well, it didn't show during the post, but I looked at the tissue sections in histopath. (Camera close up of the atrium as seen under the magifying glass.) Robbins: They showed a small defect in the atrium of the heart. (Camera zooms in to the defect.) Grissom: So, the game had nothing to do with it? It was the heart? Robbins: Not necessarily. You know the quinine I found in his system? Lethal for someone with W.P.W. Big scars didn't do him in. It was the little scar. Grissom: Someone still gets an assist. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (WARRICK is in the lab. NICK walks in.) Nick: Hey, "Sara". If you come up here on your nights off, people are going to start confusing the two of you. Warrick: You're here. Nick: (clears throat) What's up? Warrick: New lead. The bartender. Purple. Nick: Marquis Mecke Froede. Warrick: Test for opiates. (WARRICK tests a sample of the coaster.) Warrick: Purple. You know what that means. Nick: The coasters test positive for heroin. (Quick flashback to: The BARTENDER puts a coaster down on the counter. He pours the drink. He serves the drink with the two coasters.) Warrick: (V.O.) He sandwiched the drugs between the coasters. That's how he hid it. He was dealing from behind the bar. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: When we found those two coasters in Stan Grevey's dressing room, we assumed that there was two people -- either a user or supplier. There weren't. Just our guy -- the victim. (NICK is thoughtful and quiet.) Warrick: What's wrong? Nick: He wasn't the only one with two coasters, man. Warrick: What do you mean? Nick: Remember when we talked to Lillie about the scarf? Warrick: Yeah? (Quick flashback to: LILLIE holding a drink.) Nick: (V.O.) She had a drink with two coasters. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: So what? There could be a hundred reasons why she ... Nick: Did you not hear me? She might be involved. You got to walk away from this fast. Warrick: We got the dealer -- the bartender. Let's just take him out. Nick: And we will. What about her? Warrick: : What about her? Why don't you ... Why don't you just let me handle my business. Nick: Then handle it. (WARRICK walks out of the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BASKETBALL GYM] (In the stands, SARA and GRISSOM interview JANE GALLAGHER.) Jane Gallagher: We were in the sack. Right in the middle of it. Next thing I know, he stopped ... how do I say this? He stopped ... Grissom: ... "Doing it". Jane Gallagher: Yes. Thank you. His face was flushed. He was sweating. It was all good, and then he just ... (Quick flashback to: JANE GALLAGHER and TERRY RIVERS in bed. TERRY RIVERS passes out.) Jane Gallagher: (V.O.) ... he went soft and passed out. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jane Gallagher: I was scared. I called the team doctor. The paramedics came and rushed him to the E.R. Sara: You know we got his medical records. Let me ask you a question. When Terry came to did he tell you what had happened to him? Jane Gallagher: He didn't tell me anything. Neither did the doctors. I wasn't family. Sara: What did you do? Jane Gallagher: Took off. I didn't want anybody to know I'd been with him. Grissom: Worried that the father of your child might find out? (Stunned that they know, JANE GALLAGHER sits down.) Jane Gallagher: I was sleeping with Terry, but I was dating Tommy. Sara: ... and what's the difference? Jane Gallagher: Terry was a bad boy. The kind of guy you just can't get out of your system. who's on your mind all the time. He used to drive my friends crazy. Tommy ... husband material. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LOUNGE] (CATHERINE fills GRISSOM and SARA in on what she's found.) Catherine: So we just double-checked the search warrant returned from Terry Rivers apartment. There was no quinine found in the location. He never had a prescription for quinine. Grissom: Well, according to Doc Robbins he never had malaria. Catherine: Do you have his medical file? Sara: Yeah. Catherine: Let me see it. Sara: Right here. (SARA hands CATHERINE the file.) Grissom: So Jane Gallagher is officially no longer a suspect. Sara: Didn't have access to quinine let alone know it would kill him. Grissom: So who did know? Sara: Terry was a roughneck. He dished it out so the other players dished it out harder. Grissom: Which they wouldn't have done if they had known about his heart. They would have played tentatively. Which in hockey is a sacrilege. Sara: Someone besides Terry had to know. (CATHERINE finds something.) Catherine: Somebody did. You can withhold medical information from your friends all you want but it's still going to be in your hospital record. Sara: Anyone with access to Terry's medical records knew how to kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OFFICE] (BRASS, GRISSOM and SARA question the TEAM DOCTOR) Grissom: How many patients do you have with malaria? Team Doctor: I'm an orthopedist. None. Brass: Not according to the pharmacy in your medical building. Last month you wrote a prescription for quinine -- an anti-malaria medication. Sara: Malaria in Las Vegas. No wonder they were out of stock. Team Doctor: Look, a friend of mine was going to Africa. I did him a favor. That's it. Now, is there a crime in that? Grissom: Well ... a man is dead. Team Doctor: It hurts getting stitched. It hurts even more when you get home. I always give the guys something for the pain. Sara: So you're the go-to guy? Team Doctor: I am the on-site doctor for this facility. Nothing more and nothing less. (GRISSOM picks up a framed photograph of the TEAM DOCTOR with JANE GALLAGHER.) Grissom: Is this Umbria or Tuscany? Sara: Italy. That's pretty serious. (The TEAM DOCTOR stands up and takes the photo from GRISSOM. He doesn't say anything.) Grissom: But Jane's had a couple of boyfriends since that trip, right? (Quick flashback to: JANE kissing TERRY RIVERS in the locker room. The TEAM DOCTOR is in his office and he sees this. He seems upset by it. Cut to: JANE kissing TERRY RIVERS in the car and the TEAM DOCTOR walking outside and seeing JANE in the car with him. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Terry was an injury waiting to happen, wasn't he? And when it did, you were there on the bench with two little pills in your hand. (Quick flashback to: TERRY RIVERS gets his cut stitched up. The TEAM DOCTOR reaches into his bag and pulls out the quinine. He gives TERRY RIVERS two pills. TERRY swallows them and heads back out on the ice. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Team Doctor: So what? So what if I gave him quinine? Brass: It's like giving a candy bar to a diabetic if you know he's a diabetic. Sara: And you knew, doctor. Terry Rivers had a heart condition. (Quick flashback to: TERRY RIVERS in the hospital with the doctors working on him. The TEAM DOCTOR stands out in the hallway with JANE GALLAGHER.) Jane Gallagher: I need you. Team Doctor: Oh, yeah, since when? Jane Gallagher: Look, we tried it out, it didn't work. We're friends. I don't want the whole world to know that I've been with Terry. Please? (JANE reaches up and kisses The TEAM DOCTOR. He agrees.) Team Doctor: Okay, okay. I'll stay with Terry. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: You were always cleaning up her messes weren't you, Doctor? Sara: Jane told us she paid you a visit a couple of days ago. She thought she had the flu ... but she didn't. She's pregnant. And with the father out of the way, you knew who she would turn to. Grissom: But Tommy Sconzo is the father. (The DOCTOR turns around to look at GRISSOM. This news surprises him. GRISSOM nods.) Grissom: You killed the wrong guy. (The DOCTOR hangs his head and takes a deep breath.) Brass: (o.s.) Let's take a little drive. (The DOCTOR stands and leaves. BRASS follows him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BAR] (NICK and WARRICK talk with the BARTENDER. The BARTENDER takes his contact off.) Nick: You're nearsighted? I bet this is going to match the contact lens we found at the crime scene. Let me ask you another question. Why deal 91% pure china white? Did you have a beef with the victim, or what? Bartender: I never met the guy. Nick: You're going to have to do better than that. You intentionally sold him stuff that was too pure. Warrick: We know he's not the only guy you dealt it to. Bartender: Look, I didn't mean to harm anybody, all right? I didn't know what I was cutting. Probably got a bad batch. Warrick: Bad batch? (LOCKWOOD puts the cuffs on the BARTENDER.) Nick: Hey, do yourself a favor, slick. If you don't know enough about something, stay out of it. Lockwood: It's too late for that. (LOCKWOOD takes the BARTENDER away. NICK and WARRICK remain behind. NICK looks at WARRICK.) Nick: You want to talk about it? Warrick: No. Nick: Okay. Warrick: I'm going to meet Lillie. I'll see you back at the lab. Okay? You don't know me. (WARRICK leaves. NICK watches him leave.) Nick: (quietly) Obviously. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BALCONY -- NIGHT] (LILLIE leans on the balcony railing. She looks out into the night sky.) Warrick: (o.s.) You hiding from me? (LILLIE turns around and sees WARRICK walking toward her.) Lillie Ivers: Are you looking for me? Warrick: Yeah. (LILLIE smiles at him.) I wanted to talk to you. Lillie Ivers: Oh, yeah? About what? (WARRICK hesitates.) Come on, tell me. We're not strangers anymore, remember? (LILLIE puts a hand on WARRICK'S cheek.) Warrick: Yeah, you're right. (WARRICK reaches out an cups LILLIE'S cheek. She leans into his hand and smiles.) Lillie Ivers: Warrick Brown. (WARRICK looks at LILLIE. He's not smiling anymore.) What? (WARRICK reaches over and pushes LILLIE'S sleeve up. He sees the needle marks up her inner arm.) Warrick: I'm sorry, Lillie. Life's too short. Good-bye. (WARRICK lets her go and he takes a step back. He turns around and walks away from her. WARRICK leaves LILLIE on the balcony.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL CASINO LOBBY] (WARRICK walks across the lobby. He looks at the gaming table. He sits down. He pulls out his wallet and slides a bill at the dealer. (NICK takes the seat next to him.) Warrick: What are you doing here? Nick: I'm playing cards ... with my friend. (WARRICK looks over at NICK.)	Plan: A: Terry Rivers; Q: Who is found dead with a deep gash across his neck? A: the opposing team's goalie; Q: Who did Terry Rivers barrel into? A: a deep, bloody gash; Q: What is on Terry Rivers' neck? A: Catherine; Q: Who is the woman who is called in to investigate the death of Terry Rivers? A: Sara; Q: Who is the fourth person called in to investigate the death of Terry Rivers? A: Warrick; Q: Who is drawn to a rising young singer who worked with the dead musician? A: Nick; Q: Who is the other detective who investigates the death of a sax player? A: a sax player; Q: What was the profession of the person who died at the casino? Summary: When Terry Rivers barrels into the opposing team's goalie, a fight breaks out and Terry ends up at the bottom of a huge pile of bodies. After the players are separated, he is found dead...with a deep, bloody gash across his neck. Grissom, Catherine and Sara are called in to investigate. Across town, Warrick and Nick look into the apparent drug-related death of a sax player at a casino. While working on the case, Warrick finds himself drawn to a rising young singer who worked with the dead musician.
Opening shots and series recap JACK : (VO) Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. Tracking down alien life on earth and arming the human race against the future. The 21st century is when everything changes and you gotta be ready. EXT. AN ALLEY - NIGHT A weevil runs down an alleyway towards camera Jack jogs behind. The weevil comes to a dead end and jumps up onto fork-lift truck crates leaning up against the wall. Jack stops and smiles at the Weevil, walking slowly towards the weevil who pushes at the corrugated steel walls of the warehouse ending the alley. JACK : I hate to break this to you, but you're not my first. Anti weevil spray. Jack holds up a spray in his right hand and some handcuffs in this left, showing them to the weevil. JACK : Hand clamps. The weevil growls at Jack and jumps off the crates towards Jack, still trying to get away rather than attack. JACK : Come on. Make this easy for both of us. The weevil jumps at Jack who grabs its wrists, holding it at bay before kicking and punching the creature. The weevil claws Jack's chest and he falls back against the wall, grimacing in pain. JACK : This always happens when I give 'em the night off ! INT. A RESTAURANT - CONSECUTIVE Gwen sits at a table outside a restaurant, a half finished meal and a glass of wine before her. Rhys sitting opposite eating talks, Gwen isn't paying any attention. RHYS : It's not even ruddy medium, let alone well done. French places see. Hey, remember that weekend in Paris ? The little place with the wood panelling, they barely even waved the steak under the grill and you said... Why are you looking at me like that ? GWEN : Sorry, like what ? RHYS : Like you'd rather be somewhere else ! Gwen rolls her eyes towards the other diners at Rhys' raised voice, hinting that he should be quite and not embarrass her. Rhys ignores her and continues shouting. RHYS : This is becoming the norm innit ? I'm trapsing away, I look up and you're, you're just absent. What's happening to us Gwen ? GWEN : I know I'm sorry. RHYS : Is it something I've done ? Or not done ? Rhys looks over Gwen's shoulder and sees a weevil running along the street past the restaurant. Jack pauses and checks his wrist strap then looks round and starts jogging again. RHYS : What the hell was that ? Gwen looking outside smiles, glad for the excuse to leave the argument behind. She gets up. Jack runs to her and stops, catching his breath. Gwen sees the gashes across his chest and touches them with concern. GWEN : Oh God ! What's happened to you ? Jack ignores her and seeing Rhys smiles widely. JACK : Rhys is it ? Nice to meet you. Sorry, it's kind of an emergency. I'll have her back for dessert. Come on. Jack moves off to continue chasing the weevil, expecting Gwen to follow him without question, ignoring whatever Rhys might think. RHYS : Hey, hold on sunshine, that's my girlfriend. Jack comes back to get Gwen who tries to explain. GWEN : Rhys, this is Jack. RHYS : Sit down, Gwen. GWEN : This is my boss. RHYS : Sit the fck down ! GWEN : Don't ever speak to me like that. JACK : Come on, Gwen. Lets go. RHYS : Hey, she's with me tonight. One night off, you promised. Gwen doesn't answer, instead picking up her bag and shaking her head at Rhys in disgust as she starts to move away. RHYS : Don't you dare. Gwen starts to chase after Jack. RHYS : If you go now Gwen ! Rhys watches her run away, unable to do anything at the abandonment. EXT. A BACKSTREET - CONSECUTIVE Jack and Gwen slow to a walk, Jack checking his wrist strap trying to locate the weevil. JACK : Sorry for cutting in but I'm having a little trouble with this one. GWEN : Rhys will get over it. He always does. JACK : You promised to keep hold of your life. Don't let it drift. Gwen doesn't answer, wondering what she was supposed to do. Jack gets a reading and runs off down the road. JACK : Three hundred meters on the right, car park. EXT. MULTI-STOREY CAR PARK - CONSECUTIVE Jack and Gwen run up the ramp to the third level of the car park. As they enter the car park proper they slow and Jack motions for Gwen to be quite, they walk slowly searching for the weevil. The weevil runs across the car park a distance in front of Gwen. JACK : Over there. They chase after the weevil. A white transit type van enters the car park. A man in a balaclava squealing to a halt a short way from the weevil. Two men dressed to rob a bank jump from the rear doors of the van and flank the weevil, shooting it with tazers, herding the weevil into the back of the van. MAN : Get him in, get him in. In fcking van. JACK : Hey ! The man looks towards Jack and Gwen and nods at them before getting into the van. The engine revs and Jack and Gwen run forwards, stopping quickly as the van speeds from the car park taking the weevil with it. JACK : Who the hell were they ? OPENING CREDITS INT. THE HUB Jack walks into the hub adjusting his braces having replaced his torn shirt. He shouts out his thoughts to the others as he walks through the hub to his office. JACK : One. Since when did other people know about weevils ? Two. Have they done this before and if so how come we didn't know about it ? Three. What do they want with them anyway ? IANTO : Might not be connected but we've noticed a surge of unusual injuries been reported at the A&E unit. Tosh stands near to Ianto in Jack's office, Ianto reading from a sheaf of notes. Jack takes the notes from Ianto and reads from them. JACK : Chunks taken out of legs and arms, deep wounds to back and stomachs. Jack hands the notes back to Ianto and walks around the room. JACK : So we have a wave of weevil attacks to add to our problems, Oh, and by the way that spray we used on them previously, looks like they're becoming immune to it. Jack perches on his desk and picks up the phone. TOSHIKO : They're mutating ? IANTO : Or evolving. JACK : So any sign of the one we lost earlier ? TOSHIKO : I've run a trace on the van's number plate. It's fake. Two and a half thousand van's of that type registered in the Cardiff area. Widen that to a forty mile radius and the number doubles. JACK : So run a trace on the vehicle's... TOSHIKO : Route via traffic cameras ? OWEN : (On phone) This is Owen's voicemail. Leave a message if you must. TOSHIKO : ...processing that now. [SCENE_BREAK] BOARD ROOM - THE HUB Gwen stands looking out over the hub through the board room window, holding her mobile to her ear. A message can be heard from the other end of the line. GWEN : (on message) Leave a message for Gwen and Rhys and we'll call you back... RHYS : (on message) ...if we remember. (laughs) GWEN : (on message) Oi ! GWEN : (Into phone) Hi, it's me. I've left a few messages now. Look, I've got dozens of excuses, erm... INTERCUT WITH : GWEN'S HOUSE - KITCHEN Rhys stands in the kitchen looking at the phone, listening to Gwen's message. GWEN : (On answer machine) ...hundreds, thousands, but none of them good enough. GWEN : (Into phone) Things have gotten away from me a bit lately. Rhys walks towards the phone, a bottle of beer in his hand. GWEN : (On answer machine) It's this job, it never lets up. Look I'll see you later. I'm not sure what time yet. Rhys goes to pick up the phone. GWEN : I've got some work to finish up first. Gwen holds her fist to her mouth, knowing that was the worst thing she could have said in the circumstances. Rhys moves his hand away from the phone. GWEN : Call me. Rhys shakes his head at the phone and deletes the message. INT. A BAR - SAME NIGHT Owen sits alone at a bar, a row of tumblers and his mobile lying in front of him on the bar, a glass in his hand. The bar is busy. Owen downs a shot while his phone rings. The barmaid leans over towards Owen. BARMAID : Are you gonna answer that ? She picks up Owen's phone and looks at the screen. BARMAID : Ninth missed call, work. Do you enjoy your job then ? The barmaid's boyfriend notices her talking to Owen across the bar. OWEN : Look, if you don't mind I came out to be alone. BARMAID : Ah. The old Greta Garbo. OWEN : Something like that. The barmaid pours Owen another drink. BARMAID : A word of advice, next time you feel like this, maybe you should stay in. The barmaid's boyfriend sees them still talking and approaches them. OWEN : Trust me, the bigger the crowd the alone I feel. TOMMY : I said no chatting up the punters. OWEN : For God's sake. BARMAID : Tommy I work in a bar, it's my job to speak to them. TOMMY : You're never happier than when you're flashing your tits at a passing dickhead are you ? OWEN : Don't talk to her like that. TOMMY : You what ? OWEN : We were having a conversation. One day when you've grown up you'll realise that's what human beings do. Tommy reaches forward and pulls Owen from the bar stool by his jacket, pushing Owen away from the bar. BARMAID : Tommy stop it, you'll get me the sack. Owen gathers himself and shoves Tommy onto the bar face first, holding a arm behind his back and his other hand on Tommy's neck, holding him down. OWEN : You see, it's about using your opponent's aggression to your own ends. Now, I'd suggest you don't pick fights with strangers. Owen looks up at the barmaid. OWEN : And you should really upgrade your boyfriend. What does a man have to do to get some peace in this city ? Owen pulls Tommy from the bar and throws him to the floor out of the way. He finishes his drink as his mobile rings again. He hangs up the phone and leaves the bar. INT. THE HUB - CENTRAL Gwen walks to Toshiko's station where Tosh sits working. GWEN : Owen's still not answering his phone. TOSHIKO : Well he's been even more erratic than usual since that thing with Diane. GWEN : Since the what ? Toshiko looks at Gwen then walks away quickly to another computer having put her foot in it. TOSHIKO : It's none of my business. GWEN : What thing ? What thing, Tosh ? TOSHIKO : Owen and Diane. Before she took the plane they had a thing. You knew that, right ? GWEN : Oh yeah, of course I knew that. I just didn't know they had a thing, thing. INT. THE HUB - VAULT Ianto stands looking at Janet who is moaning woefully in her. Jack jumps down the last few steps of the ladder and walks towards him. IANTO : It started ten minutes ago. Jack stands next to Ianto looking at Janet who crouches on the floor calling out. IANTO : What do you think it's doing ? JACK : I think it's weeping. IANTO : Why ? JACK : Owen's been studying this one, thinks they have a low level of telepathic ability, to share emotion across distance. IANTO : You mean it might be feeling the pain of another weevil ? JACK : Kinda hope we're wrong though. IANTO : Why ? JACK : Because that would mean that somebody's not only kidnapping weevils, they're causing them pain. Jack steps closer to the clear cell wall and the weevil mirrors his movement, standing close to the wall. JACK : What can you feel ? Janet calls out once before turning around and crouching down again towards the back of the cell. JACK : What do you know ? INT. THE HUB - CENTRAL Toshiko sits at her workstation, Jack standing behind her looking at the map on the monitor with Gwen. TOSHIKO : I've tracked the van's route. It went straight from the car park out to the docks. A grid reference pops up on the screen followed by CCTV footage of the van. TOSHIKO : This was two hours ago. They watch three men leave the van, two of them carrying a bundle between them. They walk into the warehouse and return soon after. As they get back into the van the picture goes out to be replaced by static. JACK : What happened ? TOSHIKO : The CCTV cameras went down. GWEN : Do you think it was deliberate ? TOSHIKO : I think these guys really don't like to be watched. JACK : See, I know it's a character flaw, but that makes me all the more determined to find out what it is they're hiding. EXT. CARDIFF DOCKS - DAY The Torchwood SUV pulls up outside the warehouse seen on the CCTV. Toshiko and Jack are being watched through a camera as they leave the SUV and walk towards the warehouse. TOSHIKO : Looks like we missed them. JACK : Yeah, but if you leave places in a hurry, you tend to be forgetful. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE Jack and Toshiko search the warehouse, shining torches into dark corners. JACK : You know what they used these warehouses for during World War II ? Storing the bodies of dead GI's. sometimes you can know too much history. They hear a crash behind them and they reach for their guns, Jack realising he was lost in thought and not paying attention. JACK : Come on. TOSHIKO : There's nothing here. JACK : So what were they doing here ? Why come all this way out ? Jack notices something lying on the floor before him and looks to Toshiko. JACK : Psst. TOSHIKO : What is it ? JACK : Looks human. Male. TOSHIKO : Still alive ? JACK : Hello ! You okay there ? We're looking for the people who were here last night. If you saw anything, now's a good time to speak up. TOSHIKO : Jack, he's bleeding. They run forwards to the body, guns still ready. They stop next to the body. A young man lying face down in a pool of blood. Jack grabs the man's arm and pulls the man onto his back to reveal a face and chest cut and covered in blood. TOSHIKO : My God. JACK : Weevil marks. TOSHIKO : You don't think it's still here do you ? JACK : No. We'd hear it. Help me with the body. They crouch down next to the body and 'Crazy Frog' starts playing on a mobile. TOSHIKO : Is that yours ? JACK : You don't think I'd choose that ring tone ? Jack reaches into the man's pocket and pulls out his mobile phone. TOSHIKO : Don't answer it. Jack smiles at her before flicking open the phone defiantly. JACK : Hello. MAN : (On phone) I don't know who you are but stay out of what doesn't concern you. JACK : Who killed this man ? MAN : Did you hear what I just said ? JACK : I have this selective deafness when I'm talking to cowards and murderers. MAN : Don't interfere in this you don't understand. JACK : Oh, I understand this better than you, cause I know how this is gonna end. We're gonna hunt you down, we're gonna ensure that you're punished for what happened here, and we're gonna make you surrender that creature that you kidnapped, is that clear enough ? The man hangs up the phone and Jack dials the hub. JACK : Ianto, I need you to trace all calls to and from this number in the last twenty four hours fast as you can. We're on our way back. EXT. CANAL-SIDE - DAY Owen looks over a canal, his mobile ringing again. He answers it moodily. OWEN : This is Owen's voicemail, don't leave a message. JACK : (Over phone) Nice try, Owen. I want you back at the hub immediately, we've got a weevil murder so get your bony little ass over here now. Owen ends the call and walks away from the canal. INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY ROOM Gwen sits on the autopsy room steps reading from the victim's wallet. The body lies on the slab in the centre of the room and Owen conducts the autopsy, Jack and Toshiko looking on. GWEN : Dan Hodges, date of birth twenty first of January nineteen seventy nine. Salesman for Webb Publishing Software. Looks like he was married with a kid. Gwen holds up a photo in the wallet to them. Owen hold up the victim's left hand showing Gwen the wedding ring gracing his finger. OWEN : Yeah, no sh1t, Sherlock. Right. Definitely death by weevil, but he took a right kicking before the throat was punctured. Weevils go for the kill, straight for the jugular. Look at his face, black eye, bruises to the cheekbones, same across the back and the ribs. TOSHIKO : Could he have been tortured ? OWEN : Maybe, but I recon these wounds were inflicted by humans. But why smack somebody about and then set the weevil on them ? Why not get the weevil to do all the work for you ? Jack shakes his head not knowing. Ianto enters the room and leans on the barrier next to Toshiko. Jack looks over. JACK : Any joy with the phone records ? IANTO : The last incoming number was blocked and the phone's entire call history has been erased. TOSHIKO : They move fast. JACK : You ask me, these guys are using weevils to carry out the perfect murder. No fingerprints, no traces of recognisable DNA. A quick, guaranteed death. Nothing to connect anyone to the murder. OWEN : Right, should be a piece of piss to find the killer then. GWEN : But what about this guy ? Someone's got to break it to his wife that he's dead. The rest of the team look around before settling on Gwen who grits her jaw in response. EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY Owen sits in the SUV in the passenger seat. Gwen walks towards the car from a house having broken the bad news and gets in the vehicle, slamming the door. GWEN : The shittiest part about being a police officer and I can't get away from it. She looks at Owen who stares out of the windscreen. GWEN : Thanks for your kind words of support. OWEN : What do you want me to say ? She'll be alright in the end ? GWEN : You can always count on Owen to make you feel better. Gwen starts the engine before deciding to broach the subject of Diane. GWEN : Tosh mentioned you and Diane. Did you... OWEN : I didn't want her to go, she went. Owen is abrupt with Gwen, not wanting to talk about Diane, especially with Gwen. GWEN : Why are we still doing this, me and you ? OWEN : Fine. Let's not. I was getting bored of your fck tricks anyway. Owen gets out of the SUV and slams the door. Gwen shouts after him upset. GWEN : You can be such a wnkr sometimes Owen do you know that ? Gwen pulls out, leaving Owen behind to shout after the car. OWEN : I do as a matter of fact ! INT. THE HUB The cog door opens and Owen strides into the hub having walked back. JACK : Where the hell have you been ? OWEN : Walking. JACK : Well, in your absence Toshiko's had a great idea. OWEN : Well, it had to happen sooner or later. GWEN : Ignore him Tosh. OWEN : Yeah, just ignore me Tosh, I can be such a wnkr apparently. TOSHIKO : The van went from kidnapping the weevil straight to the warehouse, they must have known it was empty. GWEN : So either they own it or they have contacts with the estate agents. JACK : Owen Harper, you're going into property. Toshiko's in the middle of fixing you a cover story. OWEN : Hang on, why me ? TOSHIKO : Jack and Gwen were in the car park, I was in the warehouse, if they've got access to CCTV they'll recognise us. JACK : We have to get under their guard, find out what's going on. OWEN : Yeah, alright. I could do with being someone else right now. INT. ESTATE AGENT'S OFFICE - LATER Owen walks into a smart, modern office wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. A smart man walks up to him and shakes his hand. MARK : Mr Harper ? OWEN : Yeah. MARK : Mark Lynch. You're looking to relocate your business to Cardiff. Mark walks across the office followed by Owen. Mark clearly doesn't really believe Owen to be telling him the truth but is willing to play along. OWEN : Yeah. MARK : You export jellied eels, really ? OWEN : Huge growth market, China, South America. I can hardly keep up with demand. I'll er get you a batch if you find me the right area. MARK : I think I'll pass on that. Any family to relocate ? OWEN : Just me, better that way. Owen stands looking out of the window while Mark moves to look at a computer monitor. MARK : And you're looking for premises out by the docks. OWEN : Huum. Nice big warehouse, that's what I need. MARK : Got a couple should be perfect. Hang on while I print. OWEN : Thanks. Mark glances at Owen, still uncertain of him, before walking across the office to the printer. While Mark's back is turned Owen places a device on the back of the laptop containing the premises' details. [SCENE_BREAK] THE HUB - TOSHIKO'S STATION Toshiko is watching her computer monitor waiting for information from Owen. TOSHIKO : Oh, we're in. Jack walks over to Toshiko when she speaks. TOSHIKO : This'll give us everything on his hard drive including encrypted files. If I can establish a routing protocol everything he does on his computer from now on, we'll know about it. Jack leans over Toshiko's shoulder watching the files download. [SCENE_BREAK] ESTATE AGENT'S OFFICE Owen holds the device to the back of the laptop, keeping a eye out while Mark speaks to an assistant across the office then picks up the printouts of the warehouse premises for Owen. [SCENE_BREAK] THE HUB - TOSHIKO'S STATION A pop-up appears on Toshiko's computer reading 'Lynch-Frost'. Toshiko speaks to Owen over their com. TOSHIKO : Owen, you're clear. [SCENE_BREAK] ESTATE AGENT'S OFFICE Owen removes the device from the computer as Mark walks over and hands him the printouts. Owen flicks through them while he speaks. MARK : These have got the square footage you're looking for, good access, competitively priced... OWEN : Except, these all look like sh1t holes to me. Owen throws down the pages and looks Mark in the eye, playing his part fully. Mark smiles at him. MARK : Yeah. They are a bit. OWEN : Didn't I see your sign outside a big place in the Q section of the docks ? MARK : We've accepted an offer on it. Pretty much signed and sealed. TOSHIKO : (over com) He's lying. According to their records it only went on the market last week. OWEN : Bummer. MARK : What about a unit on an industrial estate, save a ton on rent even after transport costs. OWEN : And you just happen to have a list of suitable premises ? Nah. MARK : There are other possibilities, you free at the end of the day ? OWEN : Yeah. MARK : Why don't we go for a drink ? On your own in a strange city see, I remember that feeling. OWEN : Look at you now. A couple of gorgeous birds answering your phones for you, if that's not success I don't know what is. MARK : It's all bollocks really. But if you wanted me to put in a good word... OWEN : No. Thanks. Good to meet you, Mark. MARK : Yeah, I'll give you a bell. They shake hands and Owen leaves the office. Mark watches him leave, the smile falling from his face. A little later Mark sits working on his laptop. He runs a search of Owen Harper online, checking his story. INTERCUT WITH : THE HUB - TOSHIKO'S STATION Toshiko sits at her station, watching Mark's work on her monitor, knowing what he will do. TOSHIKO : First he'll go for the web link at the top of the page. Mark selects that link. A website appears 'Harper's Jellied Eels'. TOSHIKO : Then he'll want to know what other people say about the business. Mark selects 'reviews' from the links at the top of the page. TOSHIKO : Now he'll see what Owen has to say about himself. Mark selects the 'about us' link. A video plays on the screen: Owen dressed in a suit stands next to a line of workers in fishmonger whites and hats. OWEN : (In video) Welcome to the number one supplier of jellied eels to Britain and Northern Europe. With a product base of more than 150 re-sellers, we're constantly looking to expand into new territories. If you're interested in becoming an affiliate of the Harper's Franchise holder, please contact our sales director on the number below. Toshiko laughs quietly throughout the video. Mark picks up his phone and dials the number on screen. Toshiko smiles and picks up the phone having been waiting for it to ring. TOSHIKO : Harper Sales. Jenny Harper speaking. MARK : I'm sorry, wrong number. Toshiko hangs up the phone and looks round to Gwen who watched her work from the sofa. TOSHIKO : Job done. Ianto walks over to Jack, who has been watching from across the hub. IANTO : I've tracked down another seven suspicious injuries at the hospital. They sound pretty bad. JACK : Tosh, stay here and monitor Mark Lynch's movements, Ianto with me. Gwen stands with her bag, wanting to help. GWEN : I'll come with ya. JACK : Go home. Gwen starts to interrupt. JACK : It's not a request. Remember, don't let it drift. Ianto walks past Gwen and follows Jack from the hub, leaving Gwen a little disappointed behind. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GWEN'S FLAT - DAY Rhys gets ready to go out in the living room. Gwen enters and leans in the doorway looking at him as he collects change from the kitchen counter. GWEN : What you doing ? RHYS : Oh, you're here are you ? GWEN : That's your pullin' top. RHYS : No it's not. GWEN : It is. That's what you call it. Since I said you look sexy in it. Rhys doesn't answer, doesn't even look at her. Still upset. GWEN : You off out ? RHYS : Aye. Dav's stag do. All day job. GWEN : Since when is Dav getting married ? RHYS : Oh he's not, but he thinks he's missing out on a piss up. So he's having a staying single stag. Few beers, see what transpires. Strip club, that sort of thing. Rhys moves to the door, having commented on the strip club to upset Gwen. GWEN : What time will you be back ? RHYS : Erm, not sure. Rhys continues walking and Gwen has to chase him to the door. GWEN : But, I'm in tonight. RHYS : Well I'm not. INT. HOSPITAL CUBICLE. Ianto pulls the curtain around a hospital bed. A young black man lies in the bed, looking suspiciously at Jack who flicks through the man's notes before sitting next to him, eating his grapes. HOSPITAL PATIENT : I already made my statement to the police. JACK : According to your chart here you nearly had your heart torn from your chest. IANTO : Ooh ! JACK : Hum. Ten hour operation to repair chest wounds. Jack looks at Ianto who looks impassively at the patient. HOSPITAL PATIENT : Why should I talk to you ? JACK : Let me tell you what did this to you. Six feet high, teeth like a shark, rippled skin, and the rage of a wild animal. Am I close ? HOSPITAL PATIENT : I was mugged. There was three of 'em. They had knives. IANTO : So why were your wounds described by paramedics as bite marks ? HOSPITAL PATIENT : I can't help it if they got mixed up. They're overworked. JACK : Well, there are lots of ways I can get you to talk , but the easiest would be if you consider the consequences should you not tell me the truth, and that is, this creature will attack again, somebody will die, and it would be on your conscience. Now tell us the truth. HOSPITAL PATIENT : They'll kill me. JACK : Who'd kill you ? HOSPITAL PATIENT : Everyone. INT. THE HUB - VAULT Jack walks into the vault followed by Toshiko and Ianto to visit Janet. TOSHIKO : What did he mean 'everyone' ? IANTO : That's all he'd say, couldn't get any more out of him. Jack peers through the small, square window in the door of Janet's cell and looks at the weevil. Janet looks round at Jack. JACK : That leaves us one option. Okay Janet, time for a trip out. TOSHIKO : You call it Janet ? JACK : Barbara just never seemed right. Ianto shrugs at Tosh while Jack uses the fire exit bar to open the cell door. EXT. A BACK STREET - NIGHT Jack drives the SUV through the streets, Toshiko and Ianto in the back. TOSHIKO : You want to release a weevil in the middle of Cardiff ? JACK : Not exactly in the middle, a little to the side. I placed a tracker in it's clothes so when they capture it we'll know exactly where they are. TOSHIKO : It could kill any number of people before then. IANTO : I'm with Tosh, there's no telling what might happen. JACK : We set it loose in the same place where they took the other one. It's deserted this time of night. We'll be with it every step of the way. Jack stops the SUV in the middle of the car park and releases the back door. Janet runs from the SUV. JACK : Tracker working ? TOSHIKO : Yeah. Jack watches Janet lope down the ramp leaving the car park before following. JACK : Go Janet. They follow Janet. Toshiko watching the tracker although she still doesn't like the plan. TOSHIKO : Second right, two hundred meters ahead. Janet runs down a narrow alley and the SUV passes the turning. TOSHIKO : sh1t. Stop the car. She's taken a left. Pedestrian access only. Jack moans in annoyance before reversing the SUV to the alley. He stops the vehicle and starts getting out. JACK : Ianto, take over. Ianto slides over to the drivers seat as Jack gets out Toshiko running after him down the alley while Ianto goes to find a vehicle route. INT. A BAR - SAME NIGHT Mark collects drinks from the bar and offers one to Owen who sits at a near by table. OWEN : Now that's what I call service. Cheers. MARK : Yeah, cheers. The barmaid's boyfriend enters with two friends and sees Owen. Owen glances up to see Tommy and puts down his drink as they walk over. OWEN : sh1t. MARK : We got a problem here boys ? TOMMY : Not with you. OWEN : Come on then, lets get it over with. Owen stands up ready for the approaching fight and Tommy punches him in the face. Mark stands up to join in. TOMMY : No need for you to get involved, sir. Mark punches Tommy cleanly in the face and Tommy's friends join in. Owen and Mark quickly and efficiently defeating all three of the men. Mark looks at one of the men on the floor with disgust. MARK : Get up. Owen repeatedly kicks his opponent, getting rid of unspent anger. While Mark watches. Finished, Owen looks round to Mark. OWEN : thanks. Owen puts a hand to his cut lip, breathing hard. EXT. WASTE GROUND Jack and Toshiko run through an alley to a road to see the white van pull up alongside Janet. Jack stops and leans against a fence out of sight, holding Tosh to him out of the way. They watch the men from the van subdue Janet and throw her into the van. JACK : The weevil has landed. They watch the van drive away. JACK : Got a signal ? TOSHIKO : Yeah. Just so I know where we stand, we would never deliberately put a human being through that. But weevils are fair game, is that right ? JACK : We needed to follow them. Jack runs past as the SUV pulls up and gets in the car. Toshiko, upset, doesn't follow immediately. INT. MARK'S APARTMENT. Mark leads Owen into his modern executive chic apartment OWEN : This is your gaff ? MARK : Make yourself at home. Owen looks round the apartment, impressed with how well Mark is clearly doing. OWEN : I'm in the wrong business. Owen sees a punch bag in the corner and hits it a few times while Mark swaps his shirt. MARK : So, what's your outlet ? OWEN : For what ? MARK : The anger. OWEN : Who said I was angry ? Mark laughs at Owen's response. MARK : You're not even living here yet and you've got people coming after ya. OWEN : Yeah well, some people need teaching a lesson. MARK : I'm not criticising. You're not the only pissed off bloke out there, it's what the world does to us, fancy a beer ? OWEN : Yeah, why not. MARK : You work yourself stupid, get a house, a car, plasma screen, and you end up with a workforce, people there specifically to look after your every whim, you're officially successful, but what does it bring ? Nothing. Success is no worth other than itself. Seriously. I could live without all this, it doesn't define me. OWEN : Yeah, nice to have it though isn't it ? MARK : Ask yourself, what's the point of your life ? OWEN : Mark mate, I only came here for a beer. MARK : There's so much more, if you know where to look. OWEN : Is that right ? MARK : It's closer than you think. Something's coming, out there, in the darkness. Something is coming. INT. GWEN'S FLAT Gwen stands in the kitchenette pouring 2 glasses of whiskey. Rhys enters, carefully. Gwen irritated sits on the sofa. GWEN : You drunk ? RHYS : Two pints is all I could get down. They've gone on without me. Gwen looks at her hands as Rhys sits next to her and reaches for his drink. Gwen sips from her glass, glancing sideways at Rhys as he drinks. RHYS : Look Gwen... GWEN : I need to tell you something. RHYS : What sort of thing ? GWEN : I've been sleeping, I've been having sx with someone else, someone from work. His name's Owen, I mean he's a bit of a tosser actually and it's all gonna stop but er... RHYS : Shut up ! GWEN : I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. RHYS : You wouldn't do that. GWEN : But I have. RHYS : Then why are you telling me ? GWEN : Because I'm ashamed, and I'm angry, I want, I want, I need, I need you to forgive me. And because I've drugged you. RHYS : You, you've done what ? GWEN : Just sit down it's nothing, it's just an amnesia pill, dash of sedative, you'll wake up tomorrow and you'll forget everything. Rhys falls back onto the sofa, the drug acting quickly. GWEN : Rhys. RHYS : God, you selfish bitch ! GWEN : I know. I just thought it would give us a chance, a chance to get everything out in the open, you know, get everything out. Gwen sits next to Rhys, trying to turn him to her way of thinking, but Rhys starts to drift away, succumbing to the sedative. GWEN : Rhys, stay with me Rhys. Say you forgive me. Gwen holds Rhys' face trying to get him to stay awake to forgive her. Needing him to tell her everything is alright and allay her guilt. GWEN : Say 'it's alright, Gwen, Gwen it's alright', say it please Rhys. Rhys, just say it once. Say it once, 'I forgive you'. Rhys ! Please say it ! Say you forgive me ! Say you forgive me. Say it. Say it, please say it. Say it please. Gwen begs him in desperation but Rhys has fallen asleep. INT. MARK'S FLAT - LATER Owen runs up a metal spiral staircase to the first floor of Mark's home. As he reaches the top of the stairs he glances over the rail, checking where Mark is. He checks the rooms as he walks down the hall. Mark calls up to him as he searches. MARK : You found the bathroom yet ? OWEN : Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Owen continues down the hallway and comes to a door secured with a padlock. Owen checks over the banister to see Mark wandering around downstairs, and then takes a lock pick from his jacket pocket, opening the padlock. Owen enters the darkened room and closes the door behind him. The room is filled with weapons. Owen hears a noise and aims his gun, searching the room slowly. The light is turned on and a weevil growls in Owen's face, making him jump back. The weevil is tied to the ceiling, it's hands over it's head. Owen backs up frowning at the creature. MARK : Told you there was more to see. OWEN : Mate, I'm really sorry, I couldn't resist the padlock... MARK : What do you think ? OWEN : What is it ? MARK : No idea. Don't get too close though, vicious bstrd. Mark picks us a long batten and walks towards the weevil, smiling as he says it's a 'vicious bstrd'. OWEN : Where'd you get it from ? MARK : Found one on the street. It took five of us to bring it in. Other than that I haven't got a clue. Mark stands close the weevil staring directly into its eyes while he speaks, Owen standing behind glances between Mark and the weevil, tense. MARK : Scientific experiment gone wrong. Nuclear victim. One of the lads even recons it's an alien. Mark laughs at the idea and turns to Owen who smiles at him before returning his stare to the weevil. MARK : You wanna know what I think ? OWEN : Yeah. Go on. MARK : I think it's us, Owen. You and me, in a thousand years' time. It's what we've become when all we have left is our rage. OWEN : Not exactly a comforting thought. MARK : Give it a smack. OWEN : You what ? MARK : Punch it. OWEN : Why ? MARK : It's what its there for. Or do you want me to do it for you ? OWEN : Just feels a bit weird that's all. Mark moves forward and punches the weevil hard in the stomach, laughs towards Owen and then hits the weevil again, like a punch bag. The weevil doesn't even move at the beating. Owen grimaces, at Mark beating up the helpless creature. OWEN : Alright, that's enough ! It's not exactly putting up a fight. MARK : We all need a punch bag. So who are you Owen ? OWEN : Sorry ? MARK : Be pretty stupid not to assume you're not connected to those two in the black SUV. OWEN : I dunno what you mean. MARK : Bloke in a big coat, cute little Asian girl, I was watching, nice website by the way, kudos to whoever did that, although jellied eels ? I'm not sure that was your greatest idea. Owen smiles at Mark, knowing he can't explain it all away. OWEN : I wasn't that bad. MARK : Pretty much you were. Whoever you are, you've royally f*cked up my plans. Didn't want all this getting out. OWEN : What about Dan Hodges ? What about his wife and kid ? MARK : I'm not responsible for people's life choices. Now, why did you lot take the body ? Why didn't you go to the cops ? OWEN : Because, Mark, they are peroquial pig-shits who's minds would implode if they saw this. MARK : Who are you Owen Harper ? In answer Owen pulls back his jacket to show Mark his holstered gun. MARK : Is that who you are ? A little kid hiding behind a gun ? If you wanna know what happens you're not gonna find out because of a weapon. Owen removes his gun and throws it away. MARK : Good boy. You're finally getting somewhere. Now you're just you. Stripping things back to the core Owen, now we're just two blokes. Equal. OWEN : Why did you murder Dan Hodges ? MARK : I didn't. Owen looks at the weevil. OWEN : Well, not technically. Did you do it here ? I mean you let that thing loose on him, perfect murder, nothing to link you back to the crime. MARK : God, you haven't got a clue have you ? Dan wasn't murdered, he was one of us. OWEN : Tell me what happened. MARK : I can do better than that. Mark smiles at Owen and leaves the room. MARK : Come on. Owen stands and looks at the weevil for a moment before leaving the room. The weevil growling at Owen as he leaves. INT. THE HUB Gwen walks into the hub carrying pizza, looking around for somebody. GWEN : Hello. Anyone ? There is no answer, everyone out working without her. EXT. BACKSTREET - NIGHT The SUV pulls to a stop and Jack, Ianto and Toshiko exit the vehicle. Jack and Ianto looking around, Toshiko looking at the tracking device. JACK : So where is it, Tosh ? Toshiko changes direction and jogs down an alley, followed by the others. A piece of fabric torn from the weevil's clothes is caught on the chain-link fence at the end of the alley. The tracker flashing forlornly. IANTO : So what have we got now ? JACK : Nothing, we have no clue where they are or what they're doing. Jack strides off back towards the SUV angrily, Ianto and Tosh share a glance before following him. INT. A CAR - SAME NIGHT Owen and Mark sit in a car. They look through the windscreen towards a large industrial building. The white weevil catching van is parked outside. OWEN : So, what am I supposed to be looking at ? MARK : Wait and see. As they watch a man walks past the car and knocks on the door of the building. As the door is opened, two more men walk towards the door. As they watch, more and more men go to the door, in groups, some boisterous, excitable. OWEN : All this lot with you ? What's going on ? MARK : You'll find out. OWEN : I've never been that keen on surprises. Owen opens the passenger door and gets out of the car, Mark following suit, they walk together towards the building. INT. THE HUB Gwen sits on the sofa and takes out her phone. She presses a few buttons before changing her mind and picking up one of the pizza boxes instead. She fights back tears as she takes a bite from the pizza. She puts down the pizza and he hands flutter over the box and her phone before she starts crying in earnest. She makes a concerted effort to pull herself together and picks up her phone again. As she holds the phone she hears the sound of a text message arriving to the side of her. She looks over at the body of Dan Hodges and walks to the autopsy room railing. As she stands there, the phone bleeps again and she walks slowly down the stairs, tense. The phone beeps a third time and she picks up an evidence bag lying at the side of the body. She pulls out Dan's mobile phone and checks the message. 'CF10 6BY'. Gwen walks to a computer with renewed confidence - needed now with something to do. She moves junk and experiments out of the way and types in the post code as pictures of the location appear on screen she puts a hand to her ear. GWEN : Jack I... She stops speaking abruptly and rolls her eyes at herself as she realises she doesn't have her earpiece in. She searches through debris looking for an earpiece. Finding one she puts it on quickly. GWEN : Yes. She heads back to the computer, happy now she can work. EXT. BACK STREET - LATER The SUV drives through the backstreets, looking for the weevil. Gwen's voice comes through on Jack's earpiece. GWEN : Jack, can you hear me ? JACK : What the hell are you doing there ? I told you to go home. GWEN : There's a text message that's just come through on Dan Hodges' phone. Charlie Foxtrot one zero six Bravo Yankee. Toshiko puts the post code into her palm pilot. GWEN : Seems to be a post code for a building, has a Lynch Frost sign outside. TOSHIKO : Okay, I've got the location. JACK : Gwen, we'll pick you up on the way. IANTO : So people get an alert by text message and they head to a property. TOSHIKO : A property Mark Lynch knows is empty. JACK : The question is, what happens when they get there ? INT. DISUSED BUILDING Mark leads Owen through the building, greeting people as he passes. Owen looks into a side room to see men fighting. OWEN : What the hell's going on here ? MARK : Warm-up. OWEN : Warm-up ? Who are these blokes ? MARK : Same as us. Ordinary blokes trying to find meaning in a world that doesn't have any. OWEN : You don't really believe that do ya ? MARK : We are the dispossessed now Owen, all the certainties our fathers had are gone. Mark stops walking as he sees a man sitting on the floor, his chest covered in blood as he touches his lip. Another man comes over and offers a supportive hand. MARK : We're a generation of no faith. In society, in religion, or in life. All we can do is reduce ourselves to the basics. Mark blinks, pulling himself from his reverie as he turns to Owen. MARK : This is only the warm-up. Come on. Mark continues down the corridor, Owen watching as he goes. MARK : You coming or staying ? Owen follows Mark down a balcony. People line the side looking over. As Mark walks they commence a countdown. CROWD: Three... Two... One.... The crowd cheers and Mark laughs happily. They reach an open section and lean on the balcony rail. A tall, hexagonal cage stands in the middle of a huge room. The cage has a double door entrance and a large digital counter ticking away the seconds. In the cage a man faces a weevil. The weevil runs at the man who dodges easily before the weevil begins stalking, slashing its claws at him. The crowd scream and shout like at any other sport. Gladiators for generation x. The weevil starts attacking in earnest and the man bangs on the door. MAN : Let me out. He is let out of the cage and he waves his fists at the cheering crowd while support staff us stun guns on the weevil trying to get at its opponent. MARK : Nice one mate ! It costs a grand to enter the cage, whoever stays in there the longest across the night takes home all the money. You're next. He points at a man downstairs. OWEN : Hang on, so these guys are paying to put their lives at risk ? MARK : The ultimate extreme sport. Too much disposable income, not enough meaning, that's us. OWEN : So what about Dan Hodges, Mark ? MARK : He wouldn't come out. Just stood in the middle of the cage and let it maul him. I think he got in there and he realised, he didn't wanna live enough. Surrendered. None of us could get to him in time. OWEN : Still you all come back. Owen walks away and Mark shouts after him. MARK : Well what else is there ? OWEN : It has to stop. More people are gonna die. Mark chases Owen to an empty room, away from the crowds. MARK : How long are we gonna keep playing this game, Owen ? You lie, you bullshit, you sweet-talk, but you are hiding, Owen. Owen looks round to see Mark pointing a gun in his face. MARK : Get in the cage. OWEN : Not is you're the one pointing the gun at me. MARK : Do you want me to shoot you ? OWEN : Lower the gun, and then I will get into the cage. Mark cocks the gun, not lowering it. Owen moves forward slowly, stopping inches from the barrel, unafraid of death. Mark lowers the gun. OWEN : Good boy. Owen strides into the room, taking off his jacket as he approaches the cage, followed by Mark. OWEN : What's the longest anyone's been in there ? MARK : That'd be Dan Hodges. When you get in there, when you're up close with it, look into its eyes. OWEN : Open the door ! Mark grabs Owen's arm before he can get into the cage, making him look round. MARK : It's like looking into the darkest recesses of your own soul. OWEN : Open the door. Mark pushes open the door, holding it wide for Owen to enter. Owen goes into the cage, staring at the weevil. The cage door is bolted and Mark walks around the side to watch. Owen and the weevil circle each other. Owen glances at Mark who nods and Owen smiles at the weevil and closes his eyes, wanting the destruction. OWEN : Come on then. The weevil growls at Owen. Jack runs into the room followed by the others and fires his gun in the air. Mark looks round irritated. The weevil throws Owen against the side of the cage. Gwen runs round, afraid for him. GWEN : Owen ! Gwen runs to the cage door while Jack aims his gun at the weevil. GWEN : Open the door ! The weevil bits Owen's throat and Jack does nothing. GWEN : Jack ! Jack shoots the weevil in the shoulder while Owen screams on the floor. GWEN : Open it. The door opens and Gwen runs into the cage to Owen, trusting Jack to keep the weevil at bay. OWEN : Get off me ! One of Mark's guards tazers the weevil, subduing it. JACK : That's enough ! Gwen, kneeling next to Owen points her gun for protection. GWEN : Help me, Jack. Help me get him out of. Jack grabs Owen's arms and pulls him from the floor. JACK : Owen ? Come on. MARK : Get a stretcher ! Toshiko and Ianto have their guns ready, in amongst the crowds. Jack lays Owen on the floor outside the cage and Mark crouches next to him. JACK : You did this to him. MARK : He did it to himself. He had no fear. Jack looks up at the crowds on the balcony and addresses them. JACK : It's over now. These creatures are to be left alone. Go back to your lives. TOSHIKO : Jack. Jack looks round and runs to the cage aiming his gun at Mark who stands in the cage facing the weevil. JACK : What are you doing ? MARK : It's over. Jack lowers his gun and the weevil attacks, ripping Mark apart as he watches. Jack walks back to Gwen and Owen, uncaring. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY Owen lies in a hospital bed bruised and bandaged. A bag of grapes is thrown onto the table at the end of the bed. Jack crosses his arms at looks at Owen. OWEN : You shouldn't have. Jack glances at the grapes. OWEN : No, really, you shouldn't, I hate grapes. JACK : Doctors recon you can go home. OWEN : Doctors. What do they know aye ? I didn't want saving. JACK : You want us to apologise ? OWEN : For a few seconds in that cage, I felt totally at peace, and then you blunder in. Do you always know best, Jack ? Is that what you believe ? JACK : I want you back in work tomorrow. INT. THE HUB - VAULT Owen enters the vault followed by Ianto. IANTO : You sure you'll be alright ? OWEN : Yeah, just a moment alone, yeah ? Ianto closes the door behind him without speaking. Owen looks in at the weevil who growls and hisses at him through the glass. Owen hisses at the weevil, his teeth bared. The weevil moans and backs into the corner of its cell, curling in on itself. Owen smiles at the weevil, his dominance noted. CLOSING CREDITS GUEST CAST : Mark Lynch - Alex Hassell / Janet-Weevil - Paul Kasey / Barmaid - Alexandra Dunn / Tommy (boyfriend) - Matthew Raymond / Hospital Patient - David Gyasi. Please note that this script has been re-produced as accurately as possibly for [www.torchpedia.co.uk Torchpedia] from the televised episode. It is not a transcript of the original script by Noel Clarke.	Plan: A: Weevils; Q: What are being kidnapped from the streets of Cardiff? A: Torchwood; Q: Who wants to know why the weevils are being kidnapped? A: Diane Holmes; Q: Who did Owen end his relationship with? A: the kidnappings; Q: What is Owen sent undercover to find out who's behind? A: the charismatic Mark Lynch; Q: Who does Owen befriend? A: city life; Q: What is Owen's cover? A: a shocking subculture; Q: What does Owen discover? Summary: Weevils are being kidnapped from the streets of Cardiff, and Torchwood want to know why. Still struggling with the end of his relationship with Diane Holmes, Owen is sent undercover to find out who's behind the kidnappings and soon befriends the charismatic Mark Lynch. Beneath the veneer of city life, Owen discovers a shocking subculture: can he avoid being sucked in?
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] I'll have something that will make Regina do my bidding... Forever. The Apprentice: You have forsaken your holy duty. You must be punished. Emma: Now, what do you say we let out The Author? Think about this. I'm not worried about it. Are you? Oh! We have a lot of questions. Hey! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Into the woods.) David: The Author, where is he? Emma: We lost him. Mary Margaret: We know him, Emma. Emma: What? Mary Margaret: We met him a long time ago, before you were born. He, um... David: Manipulated us. It's because of him we were put on the path to causing Maleficent to lose her child. Mary Margaret: It's true. Emma: No. No, what's true is no matter how you were manipulated, you still did what you did, and you lied to me about it! You've been lying to me about everything! About you, about me... David: That's not the case. It's one incident from our past. Emma: Don't downplay it. Mary Margaret: Well, we've changed. We've tried to become the parents you deserve. Emma: I am only the saviour because you altered the entire state of my being at the expense of someone else's soul. David: You're right. What we did, it was wrong. But we... We didn't fully understand what we were doing. We acted out of fear. We're human. Emma: Yeah, well, right now I don't care. None of that matters now. We have to find that author before Gold does. (Isaac cuts a branch of wood to make a pen.) Mr Gold: Well, I'm not much of a writer, but I do know something about magic quills. Isaac: Such as? Mr Gold: Well, for starters, they must be sculpted from the wood of enchanted trees, which, unfortunately for you, is not an attribute any of the timber in Storybrooke possesses. Isaac: Damn it! I need to go. Mr Gold: Yes, you do. Or, um... You could come with me. Isaac: Why would I do that? You're quite possibly the biggest pain in the ass I have ever had the displeasure of writing about. Mr Gold: Yes, there is that. But there's also... This. Isaac: What do you want from me? Mr Gold: You are gonna write me a whole bunch of new happy endings. Isaac: Okay. Mr Gold: I thought so. (Mr Gold teleports them.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Regina's vault.) Mr Gold: Your hands are tied, I'm afraid. No more magic for you today. Regina: So now I'm your prisoner. Mr Gold: You and the Author. Well, actually, he had the good sense to join the team, whereas you... You backed the wrong one. Regina: What about everything you said to me? You wanted me to find my happiness. Mr Gold: Well, that's true. Just not at my expense. You see, the affection I have for you, well... There are limits. Regina: What happened to you? Mr Gold: I lost everything. Just as you will if you don't do as I say. I found this in your pocket. Telephone number registered to a Robin of Locksley. Regina: Give that back. Mr Gold: I'm guessing you have this number because you're worried about poor Robin Hood out there in the cold, harsh world. And so you should be. Regina: What do you know that I don't? What happened to Robin? Mr Gold: Ask him yourself. Call. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 9 weeks ago ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In the street.) Man: Hey! I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here! Roland: It's loud! Robin: We'll get used to it. Marian: What are we looking for? Robin: Our new home. Regina gave me the keys to Mr. Gold's son's apartment. Marian: Baelfire? He came from the Enchanted Forest just like us, and he lived here for many years. That means we can, too. Robin: Yes. Roland: Mama, I'm tired. Marian: I'll carry him. You lead the way. (A man steals Marian's bag.) Roland: Mama! Marian: Stop! (Robin steals a horse and chasses the thief. He stops him.) Robin: A thief that steals from those in need has no honour. Man: What are you talking about, man? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sherwood Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Robin and Marian's tavern.) Robin: Unless you're here for a pint, Little John, the answer's "No." Little John: I have a fresh lead. King Midas' carriage is passing through town tomorrow, and he'll only have a few of his royal guards with him. Robin: You know I haven't so much as lifted a penny since Marian and I got married. Look around. She and I have made a new start. This is my new life. Little John: But you're not a barkeep. You're a thief. (The Sheriff enters.) The Sheriff: Well, I had to see this for myself. Robin of Locksley walking the straight and narrow. Nice apron. M'lady. Marian: Sheriff. Robin: What can I do for you, Nottingham? The Sheriff: What can you do for me? Well, for starters, your taxes are overdue. Robin: I need time. The Sheriff: Well, because I'm in a generous mood, I'm giving you two days. After that, I'll have no choice but to shutter your tavern and throw you in debtor's prison. And poor old Marian here will have no arms to hold her but mine. Robin: She'd never be with you. Marian: I can speak for myself. I'd never be with you. The Sheriff: Well, when you are on the street and your husband is in jail, perhaps you'll see my appeal. Robin: I'll find your money. Somehow. The Sheriff: Really? Two days. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 9 weeks ago ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Neal's apartment.) Marian: If this is New York, I'd hate to see the old one. Robin: Oh, we've been in tougher scrapes than this before. I'll admit, this modern world is a bit confusing. Marian: This is all my fault. Robin: Marian, if you hadn't left Storybrooke, you'd have died. I made the decision to come with you and bring Roland. Nobody forced my hand. Marian: I know. Your honour is your greatest strength. But it's also the reason you're here and not with the woman you truly love. Robin: Do you remember what you said to me our first day as outlaws? Marian: I said so many things. Robin: Roland, come here. Stand behind your mom. (Mr Gold enters.) Mr Gold: What the hell are you doing here? Robin: What are you doing here? Mr Gold: That's none of your concern. Your concern is removing yourself from the premises. This... This is my son's home. You're trespassing. Robin: No. This is our home now, and we're not going anywhere. Mr Gold: Look I really don't have time for this. I've got business to attend to. Robin: What business could you possibly have in a world without magic? Mr Gold: The business of my happiness. Now get out. Robin: Oh, you're here to find the Author, aren't you? Mr Gold: So she told you. Of course she did. Well, then you'll also know that if I don't find the Author, Regina won't get her happy ending, either. Which might be good for you, too. Robin: I'm sorry, but I will not succumb to your games. I know better than to trust you. I have a wife and child. We need this home, and we're keeping it! Mr Gold: No, no. (Mr Gold collapses.) Robin: Gold? Gold! Gold? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sherwood Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Robin and Marian's tavern.) Robin: Great to see the sheriff didn't scare everyone off. What can I get for you? Rumplestiltskin: Oh, I didn't come here for the ale. Nor, clearly, for the ambience. I came... To make a deal. I've asked around for the best thief in the land, dearie. And everyone's pointed me to you. Robin: Yes, well, uh, I'm not in that line of business anymore. Rumplestiltskin: And soon, it seems, you won't be in the tavern business, either. Is that a tax notice on the door? Robin: Get to the point. Rumplestiltskin: I... I can solve all your problems. I need you to go to a... A faraway land. A land that's ruled by an old compatriot who would not be, um, happy to see my pretty face again. I need you to break into the vault and steal the elixir of the wounded heart. Robin: That's a ridiculously self-explanatory name. And also probably a fool's errand. Rumplestiltskin: Oh, it's far from that, dearie. Far from that. It does exactly what it says. It cures wounded hearts... Physically, emotionally. It's powerful stuff. So, how would you like to take a little trip? Robin: Where would I be going? Rumplestiltskin: Another realm. A land called Oz. Would you do that for me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 9 weeks ago ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the hospital.) Nurse: Sir? Your friend's awake. [SCENE_BREAK] (In Mr Gold's bedroom.) Robin: What did the doctors say? Mr Gold: Well, only what their small minds can comprehend. Prattling on about diets and exercise. They tell me it was a heart attack. Robin: But you have other ideas. Mr Gold: My problem isn't physical. It's moral. All the dark deeds I've done... They've taken their toll, poisoned my heart... Thickened the blood. Back in Storybrooke, I used magic to protect myself. But out here... I won't last without some. Robin: Well, unfortunately for you, Dark One, there is no magic in this world. Mr Gold: True. We can't create magic here. But we can use magical items if they were brought from elsewhere. Remember something from our past... The elixir of the wounded heart. Something I asked you to steal. Well, I think I might know where some of it exists. Right here in New York city. And I need you to get it for me. Robin: And why would I help you? Mr Gold: For the same reason you left the woman you love. You left Regina because you're a man with a code, a man of honour. And that, despite everything, is the reason why you will save me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Oz - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin comes in Oz.) Will: Lovely view, ain't it? Robin: Bloody hell. Will: Thank you, mate. Robin: For what? Will: For saving me life. I'm sure that guard had it in for me. Nice landing. Robin: Can I assume you were apprehended unjustly? Will: I was just trying to nick something to eat, man. Robin: Well, then, consider this a professional courtesy. Will: You're a thief, too, are you? Robin: Former thief. Will: What's a former thief doing in Oz? Robin: I've come to steal a potion from a wicked witch that can mend a broken heart. So, I guess the "former" bit was a bit premature. Will: Are you mad? That's a right good way to end up dead, that. Robin: Well, that's a risk I'm gonna have to take. I've been offered a fortune to procure this, and I need it to keep my tavern. Will: Risking your life for a tavern? Nah. There must be a woman involved. Robin: In fact, there is. My wife, Marian. I promised her a better life, and I intend to keep that promise. Will: How noble. I'll tell you what, you steal me some of this potion, too, I'll see that this guard wakes up far away from here. Don't want him sounding an alarm, now, do we? Robin: Consider it a deal. Oh, one last thing. I'm gonna need your help peeling him out of this uniform. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 9 weeks ago ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin finds Walsh's shop.) Robin: The Wizard of Oak. That was his cover while in our world. Mr Gold: Well, apparently being great and powerful did not mean witty. But he was effective. Zelena sent him to New York to keep an eye on Emma. She would have been a fool to send him without precautions... Magical charms, potions. Robin: And Zelena's no fool. Mr Gold: No, she wasn't. (Robin breaks the shop. The alarm rings.) Robin: Bloody hell! (He looks for the potion.) Robin: Nothing... There you are. Cops: We'll stay here. You go around the side. (The cops arrive and Robin escapes by jumping through a window.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the apartment.) Marian: I hope you're happy. You could have been arrested, and then what would have happened to us? Robin: I had to. Roland: Juice, please. Robin: Have milk, son. It'll help you grow big and strong. Never doubt that you and Roland are the most important thing to me. But to turn my back on the less fortunate, especially a man that's dying... It goes against everything I stand for... My code. Marian: Your father's right. At least about milk. Does your code really extend to helping the likes of Rumplestiltskin? Perhaps you should consider the greater good and let him die. Robin: Let him die? That's not the Marian I know. Marian: Look around you, Robin. Everything's changed. Robin: Not me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Oz - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin enters into the castle of the Wizard of Oz. He looks for the potion. He finds it and pour the potion in vials. Zelena comes in and he is surprised. He lets the seconds vial falls down.) Zelena: What do you think you're doing?! Robin: Hail, the wicked witch! Zelena: You're not my guard, are you? Robin: Of course I am. Zelena: My guards know never to talk to me. Robin: Who are you? And why are you stealing from me? (Robin takes a golden arrow and an arc.) Zelena: You think you can kill me? Don't make... The wrong... Choice, thief. Last chance to save your life. There's only one person bold enough to steal from the wicked witch. Why did Rumplestiltskin send you? (Robin shoots. The arrow hits a colon which makes smoke. He escapes.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin joins Will to the door.) Will: You okay, mate? How'd it go back there? Robin: I'm afraid I failed. Will: What? Robin: It was a trap. Soon as I walked inside, there was a witch waiting for me. I never even got close to the elixir. Will: You didn't steal a single drop? Robin: Nothing. I'm sorry, Will. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 9 weeks ago ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's bedroom.) Mr Gold: You found it! Robin: Indeed. And now that I've made good on my promise, we need to strike a deal. Mr Gold: Well, make it quick. Robin: Before this potion heals you, you will move on. Your son's apartment belongs to me now, and I never want to see you there again. Mr Gold: It's yours. Take it. Now give me what's mine. Robin: Good riddance, Rumplestiltskin. Our dealings are done. Mr Gold: Goodbye, thief. (Mr Gold drinks the potion.) Mr Gold: It's not working. It's not working. Why isn't it working? Marian: Because it's not real magic. Mr Gold: What? Marian: I tried to convince Robin to let you die, but he just wouldn't listen to reason. So here I am. Mr Gold: You switched the vials. Marian: I did. The one you drank won't cure your heart, but it will lessen the effects of seven cold and flu symptoms. Don't worry, it's non-drowsy. Mr Gold: Why are you doing this? I've done you no harm. Marian: That's not exactly true. (Marian turns into Zelena.) Mr Gold: Zelena... How is this possible? Zelena: Imported magic, dear. Never travel between realms without it. You remember the six-leaf clover from Oz, don't you? It's quite the effective glamour spell. Mr Gold: No, no. I killed you. Zelena: Mm, you tried. When you stabbed me in that jail cell, I didn't die. My life force simply fled my body before it shattered. I had somewhere to go. Or should I say some time? Mr Gold: You followed Emma through the time portal. Zelena: That I did. And when I realized what Emma had planned for Marian, well, I knew I had to get in while the getting was good. So I bided my time watching Emma and her one-handed lover scurrying about trying to right their mistakes, and... When I saw they planned on bringing Robin's wife back, I mean... Inspiration struck! And then I struck. For a few careless moments, they left her unattended, and that was all I needed... I killed her... And then I became her. I took her form. Do you know, it wasn't easy not being me, but... Knowing that it would ruin Regina's happiness... I mean, that made it worth every dull moment in her body. Mr Gold: Marian... Never made the trip... To Storybrooke. Zelena: No. No, dear. It was me all along. And, you know, no one's been the wiser. Not her husband, not even her child. I mean, she's as dead as, well... Your son. Oh. Oh, that's right. I suppose that means you never avenged his death. That...You failed. Oups (Gold's heart stops.) Nurse: Code blue, 19. Code blue, 19. Zelena: Hollow. What a beautiful echo. (The nurses and the doctors arrives.) Zelena: Oh, please! Help him! [SCENE_BREAK] (Zelena looks after Mr Gold. Mr Gold wakes up.) Zelena: Shh. Shush, dear. Don't try to talk. Look at the magic in this world, Rumple. A tube that breathes for you. My, your predicament does look painful. You know, there's a time I would have relished this. And with your vendetta against me for the death of your son that would make this a strong practical choice. But, see, I'm not done telling you about my clever plan. I was going to use my little Marian-glamour to steal Robin's heart, to make him fall in love with me, to steal Regina's fated true love. How ultimate, you know? But I think that loss could finally be a wound that doesn't heal. Sadly, it didn't take. I can't win his heart. Something is standing in the way like a... Like a stone wall. Could be fate. Could be true love or some other bias in the universe towards those who deserve happiness. But whatever it is, I am certain that there is an author who can simply force a happy ending for me. And if there's anyone that could find him and bend him to their will, well, my money's on the Dark One. Or should I say the deathly pale one? Anyway, whatever your plan is with the Author, I want my happy ending built into it. You'd also have to stop trying killing me, of course. But, dearie, what does old Rumple get out of it? I mean, you are aware I have a certain potion that fixes hearts. But I don't know if it could cure this little lump of coal you've got in your narrow little chest. But it will get you back home. Your life for mine. That seems rather fair. Do we have a deal? So what do you think if we do? Simply blink. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Oz - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Near the door.) Will: Before you go, I'd like to thank you. Robin: For what? I failed. Will: For trying. Not many have had the courage to do what you just tried to do. It was an inspiration. I'm sorry you won't be able to save your tavern. Robin: Me too. Will: But I'd be even more sorry if you left here thinking you'd let down your wife. You're an honourable man, Robin of Locksley. You did the best you could for the people who needed you. Robin: Well... Will: And if your wife is anything like the woman you said she is, then she's gonna know what's in your heart when you get home. Robin: You may be right. Will: I know I am, mate. Because when I was a kid, I had somebody in my life who knew me just like your Marian knows you. Robin: Who was it? Will: Me sister. Robin: You lost her? Will: She fell through the ice on a lake and drowned. Robin: You never intended to sell that potion, did you? You wanted it to mend your own heart. Will: I can't move on, mate. I don't know how. Robin: Is that why you're out here all alone? Will: Doesn't seem fair to ask somebody for their heart until I can fix me own, eh? Robin: That is a noble sacrifice to make, especially for a thief. Will: Well, sometimes having a code is all we have. Right, then. Robin: Good luck to you, Will. I hope you find what you're looking for. Will: And good luck to you with Rumplestiltskin. It's not easy to get the best of that one. (Robin leaves. Will sits and finds the potion.) Will: That bloody scoundrel. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 9 weeks ago ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin waits for Mr Gold at the way out of the hospital.) Mr Gold: I thought you never wanted to see me again. Robin: Well, after all the trouble I went to, I wanted to make sure you were well. Mr Gold: Well, I am. Thank you. Robin: And I wanted to give you something. It's from the apartment, your son Baelfire's things. There wasn't much left. I thought you might want to have it. Mr Gold: No. No, thank you. Robin: No? Why not? Mr Gold: Because these are the remnants of Neal Cassidy, a boy who was in this land alone. And all because his father was too much of a coward to hold on to what he had. I don't want a reminder of my failure, a reminder that all I really wanted was happiness. And when I had it... Couldn't recognize it. Robin: I know what you mean. With Marian... I wished her to come back every day. And then when she did... Mr Gold: You were in love with another woman. Robin: It's more than just that. She's... She's like a stranger to me now. Mr Gold: Why did you marry her in the first place? Robin: 'Cause I loved her. Mr Gold: And you thought she was gonna be your happy ending. Robin: Yes. Mr Gold: And is she? Robin: I don't know. Mr Gold: Well maybe you should take a piece of advice from a man who has pushed away every chance at happiness because it was never enough. If it's within your grasp, if you know... Where it is and who it's with... Then you should run to it, grasp it, and never let it go. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sherwood Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the tavern.) The Sheriff: What a crowd. Well, I'll try to get the barkeep's attention. You see if you can find us a table. Business a little slow? Well, I hope that didn't prevent you from making the money that you owe. Robin: I don't have any money for you. The Sheriff: Well, debtor's prison will be a fine place for you to think about what you've done. Little John: Not so fast. The Sheriff: Brigands! Seize them! Robin: You were right about me, Nottingham. Thieving is in my blood. But how to be a thief with honour? I think I've learned the answer... By stealing from those who have too much and giving it to those who have too little. [SCENE_BREAK] (In a village, Merry men give gold to the poor villagers.) Marian: You know Nottingham will want you dead now. Robin: I consider that a victory. Marian: You're the most famous hoodlum in all of Sherwood. Robin of Locksley will be a walking target. Robin: Well, I shall no longer be known as Robin of Locksley. This famous hoodlum shall henceforth be known as... Robin Hood. Marian: Yes. And that'll fool them. Robin: It's symbolic. Marian: And what of Rumplestiltskin? You never gave him the potion. If he ever sees your face again, he'll kill you on sight. Robin: Well, then I shall have to make sure that he never sees my face again. Should I ever run across him, if I'm ever in a pinch, the infamous six-leaf clover of OZ. They say it can transform you into anyone you wish to be. Marian: Clever, Robin Hood. Very clever. Robin: Well, you didn't think I'd leave here with nothing, did you? Marian: I should've known better. Robin: I'm sorry that I didn't tell you what I was doing. Marian: There's always now. Robin: I was there to steal something so I could keep the tavern. I thought that was what was important, but...I'm not a barkeep. I'm a thief. Marian: I could've told you that. Robin: While I was there, I learned that my thieving can be put to good use. I met a friend, someone who needed help. And when I helped him, it showed me that... When you steal for yourself, that makes you a thief. But when you steal for someone else, that makes you a hero. Marian: And you are. Robin: And I want to keep making a difference. This is no life for a family. Marian: It is. As long as I'm with you. Robin: You want to stay with me? This isn't gonna be easy. Marian: It also won't be boring. Doesn't matter where we are or what we face... I want to be with you. Robin: I love you. Marian: And I you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 9 weeks ago ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin takes a shower. Marian/Zelena calls for him.) Marian/Zelena: Robin? What's this? Why is Regina's number on here? Robin: I'm sorry. I have been thinking about her. Marian/Zelena: Do you want to be with her? I feel like you're here but you're not here. I know this is hard. But you need to make a choice. I don't want to have to worry about who I'm with. I'm here. Roland and I are fine. If you want to go back to Regina, then go back to her, but you have to decide what you want. Robin: I want to be with you. I love you. You once gave up everything to be with me, to be a bandit in the woods, and you said something to me once that I should've taken to heart. You remember? Marian/Zelena: Of course. But I want to hear you say it. Robin: No matter where we are or what we face, I want to be with you. Marian/Zelena: And I meant every word. Robin: And now so do I. You once gave up everything to be with me, and I lost sight of that. You were once my happy ending, and I was yours. And we can have that again. I thought you were dead. And now that we're back together, it's... It's a miracle. And only a fool would turn his back on a miracle. (Robin deletes Regin's number from his phone and kisses Marian/Zelena.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina calls Robin.) Regina: Robin? Marian/Zelena: No, it's not Robin. Regina: Marian? Marian/Zelena: Not exactly. (Marian turns into Zelena.) Zelena: Hello, sis. Regina: No... No, it can't be. Zelena: Oh, but it is. Regina: Zelena. But how? I saw you die. Zelena: You thought you saw me die. Regina: Where's Robin? This is his phone. What have you done with him? Zelena: I haven't done anything except love and honour him in sickness and in health, to have and to hold and all that other wifely nonsense. Regina: I-I don't understand. Zelena: Well, you don't have to. All you need to know is that while your precious Robin thinks it's his wide-eyed wife cooking dinner for him every night, it's actually me. Oh, I've got to run, sis. He'll be home soon, and I've got a meatloaf in the oven. Regina: No... No. Zelena: Oh, you sound like you need a moment. Take it. I'm sure we'll see each other again very soon. Ta-ta. (Zelena holds off.) Regina: You knew. Mr Gold: And that's why you will do everything I ask. Because one phone call from me and your beloved dies at the hands of your sister. Regina: She murdered your son! Mr Gold: Well, Zelena and I have come to...An understanding. And now you and I have an understanding as well. Regina, you are vital to my plan to turn the saviour towards darkness. Regina: You made me a monster. But I won't let you do the same to Emma. Mr Gold: So you've made your choice, have you? You're choosing the saviour over your beloved Robin Hood? Is that your final answer?	Plan: A: Cruella; Q: Who is determined to seek revenge on Isaac? A: the Author; Q: Who is Isaac? A: Henry; Q: Who does Cruella kidnap to get revenge on Isaac? A: Emma; Q: Who kills Cruella? A: Gold; Q: Who is aware of Isaac's past with Cruella? A: Darkness; Q: What does Emma descend into after her encounter with Cruella? A: Emma's transformation; Q: What does Isaac tell David and Mary Margaret that Cruella will be the reason for? A: London; Q: Where was Cruella in the 1920s? A: prisoner; Q: What was Cruella kept as by her mother? A: the consequences; Q: What takes a toll on both Isaac and Cruella for the rest of their lives? A: their lives; Q: What does Isaac and Cruella lose when Isaac learns the truth about Cruella? Summary: Cruella is determined to seek revenge on Isaac (the Author), by kidnapping Henry and forcing Emma and Regina to kill him, but it is later revealed that Gold is aware of his past with Cruella, and explains that this encounter will lead to Emma's descent into Darkness. When Isaac is confronted by David and Mary Margaret, he tells them that Cruella will be the reason for Emma's transformation; however, it's too late as, Emma kills Cruella while saving Henry. Meanwhile, back in the 1920s in London, Cruella, who was kept prisoner by her mother, meets Isaac, who vows to take her away from her mother. But when her mother reveals the truth about Cruella to Isaac, the consequences take a toll on both Isaac and Cruella for the rest of their lives.
Cordy: "I am not giving up this apartment." Angel: "It's haunted." Cordelia: "It's rent controlled!" Cordelia: "I have a roommate, but it's cool I never see him. - Phantom Dennis, put that back!" Cordelia: "Are you working with Angel?" Wesley: "I'm a roue demon hunter, now." Cordelia: "What's a rogue demon?" Cordelia is having a party at her place. There are a lot of people there, including Wesley, who is dancing by himself. Cordy: "Hi, Diego, - Laura." Diego hands her a bag of ice: "Let the consumption of cold things begin." Cordy: "Excellent. Now, are you going to behave yourself?" Diego: "Have you ever seen me at a party?" Cordy walks up to Angel: "Hi! Are you having fun?" Angel: "Sure. - This is, ah..." Cordy: "Your idea of hell?" Angel: "Actually in hell you tend to know a lot of the people. - No, I-I'm having a great time." Cordy putting some of the ice into a bowl on the table Angel is leaning against: "Yeah? Can I get you some blood or anything?" Angel: "I'm good." Cordy: "Okay. - Steve Paymer came, can you believe it? - David Paymer's brother, - Steve? (Angel just looks at her. Cordy thrust the half-empty bag of ice at him and walks off) Steve!" Angel sees Wesley overbalance doing one of his dance moves and fall. Wesley picks himself back up and dances over to Angel. He grabs some of the ice out of the bowl on the table. Wesley: "I need to cool off. (Puts the ice on his forehead) Cordelia certainly knows how to throw a do. (Point to an entrée in his hand) These Mini-Reubens - with a little sauerkraut and a little swiss inside, - what mad genius brought these into the world? (Eats one) Mmm. What say a couple of brooding demon hunters start chatting up some of the fillies?" Girls walks up to them: "Hey. (Wesley chokes on his Reuben and starts coughing) Nice sweater. Hand knit?" Wesley: "Certainly not by me." Girl: "I didn't mean - I mean it's a great sweater." Wesley: "Oh, well, I-I'll pass that on then - to the person who knit it. - I-I mean, I would, if I knew who did - but I don't. - So I won't pass it on to anyone, will I?" Girl: "Oh." Walks away. Cordy: "Diego, pants on!" Laura to Angel: "So with my Masters degree in Fine Arts, I was able to launch my very own business - selling sandwiches downtown from a little cart." Angel: "Huh." Laura: "Yeah. I-I do see a lot of stuff on the job. - So I tell myself that I'm honing my eye." Angel smiling: "Makes sense." A different song comes on and Laura sets down her drink. Laura starting to make dance moves and wearing a big smile: "Oh, I love this. (Angel looks around) Would you - like to dance?" Camera zooms in on Angel's eye. Flash to white, then to Angel doing some exaggerated wild dancing and making faces while Laura is staring at him with her mouth hanging open. Flash back to white and to Angel's face. Angel: "I don't dance." Laura walks off with a shrug and Angel goes into Cordy's kitchen, which is empty and leans back against the doorframe. The chair by the table moves out by itself. Angel sits down: "Hi Dennis. - How are you doing? (A can of beer floats out of the bowl of ice on the kitchen table) Hmm, still dead? (Can pops open and slides into Angel's hand. He picks it up and takes a drink) I know the feeling." Cut to a guy picking an open can of beer out of a box filled with ice and taking a drink. He looks at a coffin-like box. The label on the side says Danger - Hazardous material - Do not open. He finishes his beer as he walks out of the cooler through some strip of plastic. As he smashes the empty can he hears a strange noise coming from the direction of the cooler. It's coming from the coffin-like box. He picks up a crow bar and opens it. There is steam and light coming from it as he looks down into it. Guy: "Holy God." Intro Cut to Angel's office the next morning. Cordy to Angel: "Hi." Angel steps out of the elevator: "Good morning. Is there coffee?" Cordy: "They're still in bean form. I - thought I ordered the ground. (Hands him a silver coffee bag) Maybe you could crush the beans with your vampire strength? Just mush the bag. (Angel looks from the bag to Cordy then back at the bag in his hands) Mush it." Angel puts the bag down with a slight grimace: "Really, ah, fun party last night. Cordy: "I'm so glad you came. You know how parties are. You're always worried that no one is going to suck the energy out of the room like a giant black hole of boring despair. But there you where - in the clinch!" Angel: "I didn't... - Boring?" Cordy: "You used to be a person! Did you never party? Did people not gather in olden times?" Angel: "I talked to people. - Laura." Cordy: "Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged." Angel: "I don't hate her. I-I got to modes with people: bite and avoid. Hard to shift. Plus, I can't get to close. I mean, with women..." Cordy: "You can be nice. I mean, it's not like Laura is going to throw you down on the living room floor and tear off all of your... - Well, actually, Laura..." Angel: "I'll try harder. - Still, I mean, the quiet, reserved - thing, don't you think it makes me kind of - I don't know, cool?" Cordy points at Wesley as he walks into the office: "He was cooler." Wesley: "Good morning." Angel sits down on the couch with a sigh: "Now I'm depressed." Wesley: "I feel rather chipper myself. That was quite a soiree last night." Cordy: "Glad someone enjoyed it." Angel: "I enjoyed it!" Wesley: "A gala event. In particular the tiny Reubens and the shrimp puffs. Don't supposed there is any leftovers laying about? Any - abandoned shrimp puffs?" Angel gets up: "You're broke, aren't you?" Wesley: "Angel, - a man's finances are his own business." Angel: "You want a job?" Wesley: "Oh, yes, please!" Angel: "Look, I don't have much, but as long as you make yourself useful around here, you're entitled to a cut." Wesley: "I-I don't know what to say." Cordy: "Well, this is great! Now we're really... (To Angel) Do I have to take a pay-cut? (Angel shakes his head and Cordy turns back to Wesley) a team!" Wesley tires to hug Angel, but he wards him off with a slight grimace. Wesley: "You won't be disappointed. (Turns away and looks down) There is, ah, something in my eye." Angel pulls the handkerchief out of Wesley's front pocket and hands it to him. Cordy: "Oh, don't go getting all sappy. (To Angel) Hold me." Angel to Cordy: "Look, why don't we just..." Cordy: "No! Hold me!" Angel barely catches her as she gets hit by a vision. Flash to the guy and the box from earlier. He screams, his face starts to blister and his eyeballs explode. Cordy: "Gross! Oh, - eww is all. Ugh!" Wesley: "What did you see?" Cordy: "I don't just see, I feel, okay? Thank you Doyle." Angel: "Is someone in trouble?" Wesley gets a pad and pencil: "I'm, ah, I'm at the ready." Cordy: "You're going to the ice factory - on Fifth, downtown." Angel: "What are we looking for?" Cordy: "A corpse." Wesley looking at a map: "I don't think there is access through the tunnels." Angel: "I'm driving then." Wesley: "I'm coming with you. I intend to earn my keep. Oh, and in terms of this keep, by the by..." Angel: "There is no dental." Wesley: "Right, well, I'll floss." Angel: "Lets go." Cordy holding a glass full of ice to her head: "Hey, be careful. The guy was burnt to death in an ice factory. The thing that did that could still be there." Angel: "You didn't get a look at it?" Cordy shakes her head: "All I felt was his fear - then the exploding eyeballs. Did I mention that I hate this gig?" Angel: "We'll be in touch." Wesley opens the door for Angel: "After you, sir." Wesley drives Angel's car up past the Southwestern Bag Company and pulls into the shadow in front of the ice factory. Wesley: "Here we are. Jerico Ice Factory. (Angel gets out of the passenger side) Boss, why don't I..." Angel: "Stay put." Wesley: "Uhm, stay here and wait for you." Angel walks in and crouches down next to the burnt body. He pulls out the guy's wallet and finds a business card for Peter Wilkers - Private Security. He keeps the card and puts the wallet back. Angel walks into the cooler and sees the open box. It is half full of ice. Cut to Wesley standing next to the car fiddling with the ax in his hand. Cut to Angel in the cooler. Angel turns around as someone runs past on the other side of the plastic strips hanging in the doorway. Angel slowly walks out. Cut to guy with a ridge of small spines running up the middle of his forehead reaching for a crowbar. Angel putting one foot on the bar: "Captain Inferno I presume? (The demon straightens up and Angel steps on the piece of the crow bar sticking out over the edge of the box to flip it into his hand, and pushes it up against the other guys chest) Close enough. I don't do well near an open flame. (Notices a rip in the guys sleeve and pushes it open using the crowbar to reveal burnt skin) Only - you didn't burn him, did you? (Moves the crowbar back against the guy's chest) Who are you? - - I'm not a big talker. I usually let others carry the conversation. I am pretty good at putting these (Motions with the crowbar) through heads though." Guy: "I am called Tay. I'm not from your dimension." Angel: "Sort of guessing that." Tay: "I was sent by my people to stop it. That is my cause here." Angel: "Stop what?" Tay: "The bringer of chaos." Angel: "What is it? Demon?" Tay: "More than a mere demon. It is a vessel of pure rage. It has almost destroyed my world and now it is lose in yours." After a moment Angel lowers the crowbar: "How can I kill it?" Tay: "You won't be able to. It's stronger than one man. (Edges away from Angel) If you and your people wish to live - stay away." Cut to Angel handing Wesley a finished drawing of Tay's face back at his office. Angel: "He said his name was Tay. Seemed pretty shook up. Said this thing brings chaos and destruction to his world." Wesley: "Tay. Hmm. Could be a Kovitch demon from the Caucasus." Angel: "He's not from our dimension." Wesley: "Ah, they must come to ours via portals." Cordy: "Portals? There are portals now? When did they put in portals? - Don't we have enough on our hands without burning monster fiends coming here?" Wesley to Angel: "We'll figure out who he is, where he comes from, - boss, - you can count on it." Cordy looks at Wesley: "Wesley, stop kissing butt. It's not like we get overtime. (Angel looks at her) Oh, but I'll get right on it." Angel: "I also want to know if there have been any other..." Cordy: "Killings by incineration lately? - See? On it." Wesley to Angel: "Uh, where are you headed?" Angel: "Victim's office. He's in private security. I'd like to know who hired him." Cordy: "Okay." Cut to Angel pulling up in front of a big brick building. He tries a door with 635 above it, but it is locked. He walks around to the side of the building, pulls out to grappling hooks, shoots them up over the edge of the building and walks up the side of the wall with their help. Jumps onto a metal ladder beside an open window and scales it up to the roof. Cut to Angel walking into Peter Wilkers office (205). In a locked drawer he finds a shipping order from Jerico Ice stuck in an envelope with a bunch of twenties. He puts the money back but keeps the invoice. He looks up as he hears a noise. The next moment he's flying across the room, smoke rising from a singed arm. We get a glimpse of a woman with a black tattoo crossing her left eye. Jhiera: "What are you doing here?" Angel: "I could ask you the same question." Jhiera: "Working for them, is that it? How much do they pay you to hunt us?" Angel straightens up: "I work for myself and I'm here because I'm looking for his killer. Hard to forget, huh? (Puts a hand on the back of the chair next to him) Burnt alive. Know anyone who does that kind of thing?" Jhiera charges him and he picks up the chair to hold her off. She ducks underneath it and hits him in the chest, sending him crashing through the door. Telephone rings. Jhiera pulls out a cell phone: "Yes. Where? How soon?" Closes the phone and leaves. Cut to her walking up to a car parked beside the building. As she drives off we see Angel drop down from the building behind the car. Cut to Angel tailing her in his car. He takes out a cell phone and dials. Hears 'We're sorry, your call did not go through as dialed, please hang up and dial again.' Tries again. The low battery alarm goes off. He fumbles a cable out of the glove box and plugs the phone into the cigarette lighter with it. Almost runs into another car as he makes a last minute right to follow Jhiera. Cut to the phone ringing at the office. Cordy to phone: "Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless." Angel: "I hate the cell phone that you gave me. Any luck?" Cordy: "We're stymied on the demon guy, but we did find four similar killings in the last 11 months. All guys, all burned from the inside out. Did you find it?" Angel: "Yeah. It's not an 'it' it's a 'she.'" Cordy: "A chick that burns? Are you okay? (Connection is breaking up) Did sh- care- " Angel: "Did she care about me?" Cordy: "Did she 'Carrie' you! Carrie, the movie, you know?" Angel: "I can't hear you. Hello? Cord- " Cordy sighs: "You must be going through a canyon." Angel: "Cordelia, can you hear me?" Cordy: "I can hear you now. Are you back?" Angel: "Yeah, I can hear you. You know, these things were definitely cooked up by a bored warlock. I want you two to keep trying to find that demon Tay. He knows a lot more than he is telling. I think she is here on some kind of mission. I think he may be the key to all this." Wesley makes a circular motion in front of his face to Cordy. Cordy to phone: "What - what does she look like?" Angel: "Ah, two raised ridges running down either cheek, violet eyes, uhm, she seemed intelligent. She was very - attractive, - for a demon." Cordy: "A hottie, huh? I guess she's that all right. What with the sizzle." Angel braking up again: "Sizzler?" Cordy: "The sizzle factor? - Angel?" Angel: "I can't hear you. (Cordy is really breaking up now) Cordelia?" He closes the cell phone and throws it in the back seat. Jhiera parks her car and walks up to what looks like a museum. Angel tails her. Jhiera walks up to a security guard inside: "Excuse me sir, I need your help." Officer: "What is it?" Jhiera: "There is a man following me. I'm afraid he may want to hurt me." Officer looks around: "What man, where is he?" Jhiera points Angel out to him: "There in the black coat." Officer walks after Angel talking into the com-link strapped to his shoulder: "We have a code three in the front gallery." Com-link: "Roger." Angel takes off his coat as he parallels Jhiera through the crowd. Three security men step out of a door almost running into Jhiera as she walks towards it. Officer: "Excuse ma'am." Angel sees the three officers almost on top of him and points at a picture hanging on the wall next to him and starts to play tour guide to the people standing in front of it. Angel: "And this brings us to Monet's incomparable 'La Music Aux Tuileries.' First exhibited in 1863..." Cut to Jhiera walking down a dimly lit corridor. She walks into a room with Art Restoration marked on the door and looks up at a row of windows. Angel pointing at the painting while watching the security guards searching for him: "On the left one spies the painter himself. In the middle distance is the French poet and critic Baudelaire, a friend of the artist. Now, Baudelaire - interesting fellow. In his poem 'Le Vampire' he wrote: 'Thou who abruptly as a knife didst come into my heart.' - He, ah, strongly believed that evil forces surrounded mankind. And some even speculated that the poem was about a real vampire. (Laughs) Oh and, ah, Baudelaire was actually a little taller and a lot drunker than he is depicted here." He sees the officers moving off and walks off towards the door Jhiera went through as the people in front of the painting applaud him. Cut to the office. Cordy is asleep on her desk. Open books are stacked everywhere. Wesley looking at a book: "Aha!" Cordy jerks awake: "That better be an 'Aha!' of triumph. I was dreaming there was a going out of business sale at Neimans!" Wesley: "I think I've located them. The Vigories of Oden Tal." Cordy: "The what of whatee?" Wesley: "Of Oden Tal. The men are called Vigories. They have four distinct ridges on their foreheads, are said to be fierce warriors, and their women live enslaved to them." Cordy hits him on the arm: "Way to go, Wes! Angel said this Tay guy could be the key. Any way to find them here in town?" Wesley scans the page: "Ah, it says that the men are herbivores. They eat a thick stew made from rotting plants and flowers, and they need to consume half their body weight a day." Cordy: "Whoa. - So, we're looking like - for the biggest compost heap in LA?" Cut to Jhiera standing with her hand held out in front of her. She puts her hands on her hips and turns around as the door opens. Jhiera: "You. How? A human would have been unconscious for hours." Angel: "I'll answer your questions if you'll answer mine." Jhiera steps closer: "You're a - vampire." Angel: "Among other things. Who's Tay? What does he want?" Jhiera: "I don't have time for this." Angel: "If you didn't kill the guy in the ice company, who did? Somebody like you?" Jhiera: "Why do you think I would speak to you and not hurt you?" Angel: "Gotta risk it. Call me old-fashioned, but I can't allow tourists to go around torching locals." Jhiera looks back at the row of windows then back at Angel: "Leave - now! I'm warning you." Angel: "Why? What's going to happen?" A circular distortion form in the air in front of one of the windows. A bright white light emanates from it. Angel and Jhiera go over to look up at it. Jhiera once again holds out her hands in front of her. The naked body of a girl falls out of the portal. Jhiera crouched over the girl to Angel: "Stay back! (To girl) We must go." Angel pulls a wall-hanging down and throws it over the naked girl as Jhiera helps her up. Angel: "What are you running from?" Jhiera: "It is not your concern. You're not one of us." The door opens and Tay steps in accompanied by more of his kind. Angel: "No, but I think I'll stick around anyway." Tay: "It's right. This is not your concern. The traitor it and the other are ours. If you know what's good for you, you won't..." Angel kicks him in the face: "Do that?" Tay and two other guys hurry Gi out the back door while she screams for help. But Jhiera and Angel are busy fighting the rest of them. They finish just in time to see a car pull away through the open back door. Angel: "They got her. What'll happen to her?" Jhiera: "She will be unmade." Cut to Tay's goons dragging the screaming girl through a flour warehouse. Gi: "No! - Please, please! - You don't have to do this to me!" Tay: "Watch its hands." Gi: "No! No! I'll be good. I'll be good, I'll promise! You don't have to do this to me." Tay: "Why does it speak when no one listens." Cut to them leading her into a backroom of the warehouse. Tay: "It has been recovered." Gi: "No. No. Please. Please! No. Let me go!" One of the others hands Tay a pair of strange looking pliers. Tay getting ready to clip off the ridges protruding along her neck and upper back: "It will now be restored." Gi: "You bastards. No!" Tay: "You'll feel so much better after this." Tay clips off the first ridge and Gi screams. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to the outside of Angel's office in daylight. Cut to Jhiera taking her coat off and looking around Angel's apartment. Angel: "You should dress that. (Motions at the cut on her upper left arm) Your wound." Jhiera: "Why are you doing this. I thought vampires were killers." Angel: "They are. I was cursed by gypsies." Jhiera: "Cursed to help people?" Angel: "Yeah. - Gypsies they have a strange sense of - humor. (He lays a napkin and some bandages on the chair between them and takes a step back. She takes one of the bandages and applies it to her wound) Want to tell me what's going on?" Jhiera: "The girl is a runaway. I was trying to help her escape from our homeland. If you hadn't distract..." Angel walks past her: "If I hadn't helped you, you'd both be with them right now." Jhiera: "Perhaps." Angel: "Why was the girl running away? Jhiera: "She was going to be unmade." Angel: "They were going to kill her?" Jhiera: "In a fashion. You wouldn't understand." Angel slowly steps closer to her: "Try me." Jhiera: "In Oden Tal - what you call personality - our passions - those impulses - sit in an area of the body we call the Ko." She puts her hands up on her shoulders, takes a step closer and turns around to show him the ridges on her upper back and neck. Angel leans in closer. Angel: "And your pursuers they want to take this from you?" Jhiera turns back around to face him: "From the women, yes. When the females come of age, Ko controls our physical and sexual power. - It even signals when we are (Looks down) aroused and have met desirable mates. But when it's removed..." Angel: "You're more easily controlled." Jhiera looks up at him, then circles him slowly: "We marry who they command, - serve without questioning. - We leave behind dreaming." Angel: "But you escaped." Jhiera: "I was the first. I am Jhiera. - Jhiera of Oden Tal. My family rules the dimension." Angel: "I'm guessing the royal family isn't loving the - portal-jumping, refugee-saving duties you've assigned yourself." Jhiera: "They tell people I'm dead. But the women know. - Here we have a name. We have a chance to become, but it is difficult. When the Ko first matures the girls can't manage it - our physical energy. We come to your world in a fever." Angel: "That's why - the ice." Jhiera: "Yes. When I first arrived - alone - I thought I would die from the heat - under my skin. (Jhiera is standing very close in front of Angel and as the camera pans around we see that her ridges are glowing a fiery red. She is breathing hard. They start to pivot around each other) And your people - the men? Some respond to the Ko involuntarily. They tried to force themselves - it wasn't safe for me - until I found the frozen water. (Jhiera sits down on the chair. Angel licks his lips and looks down) As long as I could stay cool... The worst of it passed in a few months time. (Looks up at Angel) then I started to learn to control my power." Angel: "Like last night, when you burned me." Jhiera gets up to stand in front of him again: "I intended to hurt you. I thought you were my enemy." Angel: "What about the guard? Who burned him?" Jhiera: "He tried to touch one of my girls. It was his own fault." Angel: "From what you're saying he probably didn't mean to hurt her." Jhiera: "And the girl couldn't help killing him! It was an accident." Angel: "What about the other four guys who died the same way in the last year? Your girls kill them, too?" Jhiera backs away from him: "How do you know about this? Have you been..." Angel: "No, I haven't been following you. But you incinerate a few guys someone is going to start asking questions. I understand what you're trying to do; and I'll help you if I can. But you can't go around hurting men in my world." Jhiera: "I am the daughter to a King, sir. A king who promised happiness and a better life for everyone. I didn't denounce him and escape for my good alone. I did it to see his promise come true for all the women of Oden Tal. If a few have to die to protect my people..." Angel steps towards her: "They are my people who are dying; and it's my promise to protect them." Jhiera: "Then tell them to stay out of my way." Jhiera starts to walk out but Angel cuts her off. Angel: "Wait." Jhiera holds her left hand inches away from his chest. It is glowing a fiery red. She is breathing hard. Leans her head against him for a moment then moves back, lowers her hand, and straightens up. Jhiera: "And you, too. I don't need your help." She leaves Angel standing there and walks out. Cut to Wesley and Cordy in the California Flower Mart. Cordy whispers: "I'm not sure about coming out here all by ourselves. Maybe we should have waited for Angel." Wesley whispers: "Cordelia, now that I am officially in Angel's employ, I feel it's doubly important to show initiative and drive. We can't just dally about... (Points at some roses) Look! Nancy's Petticoat. Oh. They're quite rare. They were named for Nancy Mitford, the author. (Sniffs the roses) Because of her love for... (Sees Cordy's look) Right. Shoving off." Cordy: "I wonder how we find were they keep the compost." Wesley: "I'd say we follow our noses." Cordy: "Wait!" Cut to them sneaking into the dimly lit back room of the Flower Mart. Cordy whispers: "Wait. Okay, now I'm sure we shouldn't have come here. It smells like flower poop!" They hear Tay speak and duck behind some barrels. Tay: "The portal will open soon, and only for a short while. When the proper coordinates align we must move to the entry point immediately. (Camera pans over a cement wall to show Tay, two other Vigories, and Gi.) You will escort it there, ensure its quick return (Wesley climbs up to peek over the wall) and rejoin us. We have a lot of work to do in this dimension. (Camera shows Gi's back and the open wounds where the spine ridges used to be) It can go home now. (To Gi) Would it like that? Would it like to go home?" Gi: "It is happy to go - as soon as you say." Tay steps closer to her: "And don't you feel better now?" Gi nods slowly. One Vigory leads Gi away and Cordy pulls frantically on Wesley's shirt to make him get down behind the barrels. Vigory to Tay: "We've recovered two this month. We should..." Tay: "It means nothing! This won't stop until we find Jhiera." Cut to the Palm Ridge Spa outside of the city. Cut to a guy contemplating a Japanese sand garden. Jhiera walks in. Guy: "Jhiera. Excellent. Just when I need the artistic eye of a goddess." Jhiera: "Where are the girls?" Guy: "And na maz de to you too. They are right were you left them. (Jhiera walks off) Are you okay? You look spun." Cut to Jhiera walking into a room with several scantily girls laying on steaming beds of ice. Jhiera: "How are they doing?" Guy: "They're chilling. - The little sisters are fine. Rem-ing. - Tell me what's up." Jhiera: "They took the girl I went to meet." Guy: "Man, that's lame!" Jhiera: "They will find us before too long. We have to go from here, as soon as possible." Guy: "The girls aren't ready. They need serious isolation and temperature adjustment before they mellow out enough to deal with the world." Jhiera: "Then I'll move them some place else." Guy: "My shaman has a place in the dessert. He never could turn away scantily clad women in distress - from any dimension. - You know, I wish you would let me work on your mirth chakra." Jhiera: "If he's as trustworthy as you are, we'll go to him." Guy: "He's good people." Jhiera: "Then call him. If he accepts us we'll leave first thing in the morning." The guy nods and Jhiera picks up some ice and rubs it against her throat and neck. Cut to Wesley and Cordy cowering behind the barrels by the cement wall in the Flower Mart. We can hear the Vigories talking. Vigory: "This food source will only keep us supplied for a few more days. At that point we must relocate." Wesley holding a cell phone to his ear whispers to Cordy: "Still no answer." Cordy whispers: "I bet he forgot to turn that thing on again! You'd think a guy that knows how to use an ancient Scythian short bow could figure out how to use a cell phone! (Sighs) So, what now?" Wesley: "I suppose we head back and try to find Angel." Cordy: "Okay. Lead the way - low and slow." Wesley nods and heads off but Cordy pulls him back as one of the Vigories walks in. Cordy: "No, hide. Hide. Hide." Vigory to Tay: "Sir! I believe we've found them." Tay: "Where?" Vigory: "A worker at an ice plant tells me he recently started shipping two tons of ice a week (Hands Tay a paper) to this address." Tay: "Gather the men. They need to be prepared to capture the princess and cut them all quickly." Cut to Cordy and Wesley running down the stairs into Angel's apartment. Angel is just wearing his pants and toweling off his hair. Cordy: "What are you doing? We nearly got burned from the inside out and you're here getting all April fresh?" Angel: "Hello?" Wesley: "I believe she is especially agitated because we tried to call you in the midst of a situation." Angel looks off to the side: "I had to take a shower. (Wesley and Cordy look at each other) What's up?" Cordy: "What's up is that those creepy demons said that they found what they were looking for, and they seemed very interested in cutting someone they called the princess, which I can only imagine is not a happy thing!" Angel pulling on a sweater: "Well, you'd be right on that one. We gotta find her first." Cordy: "The demon guy said something about a lot of ice being delivered somewhere. No one said where." Angel: "Ice." Cordy: "Yeah." Angel pulls a paper out of his coat hanging on a hat stand: "Shipping order. We've got an address. We're heading out." Wesley: "That's it? They seemed... There were quite a few of them. Perhaps we need a plan." Angel: "Here is the plan: we go in, I start hitting people hard in the face - see where it takes us." They head out. Night. Angel pulls the convertible up in front of the Spa, with Wesley in the backseat. Angel to Wesley: "Ah, you wait here. I want a warning when the demons show." Wesley: "All right." He tries to jump out over the passenger side door, but his foot gets caught and he tumbles out rather inelegantly. Cordy: "Wesley!" Wesley pops right back up and slaps the side of the car with a grimace. Cut to the interior of the spa. Guy walks up to Angel: "Welcome, bro." Angel: "I need to see Jhiera. Now!" Guy: "I'm sorry, no Jhiera here, but I already see I can help you. First lets talk about the clothes vibe." Angel grabs him by the lapels: "She's in trouble. There are men coming for her." Guy: "And which dimension are you from, brother?" Angel: "You don't want to know." The guy motions with his head; and Angel walks off. Cut to the room with the iced girls. Jhiera to Angel: "What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear..." Angel: "They're coming." Jhiera: "I know all about it. We're leaving in the morning." Angel: "Not soon enough." Jhiera: "What are you talking about?" Angel: "They're on their way. They'll be here..." Cordy running into the room followed by Wesley: "Now. That would be now." Angel to Wesley: "Help get the girls out. (To the spa guy) You go back out front. Stall them as long as you can. (Guy nods and leaves. Angel to Jhiera) I'm gonna help you whether you like it or not." Wesley helps one of the girls out of the tub of ice and leads her out. Wesley: "Oh my. You are a... Allow me to introduce myself." Cordy kicks him in the back from behind: "Wesley..." Cut to the spa guy held up in Tay's hand by his lapels. Guy: "How about a red clay massage. We have hands that heal, brother." Tay hits him and the guy drops to the floor unconscious. The six Vigories move on into the dark and empty tub room. Suddenly Angel swings down from the ceiling kicking two of them in the face. He and Jhiera fight the six Vigories. Jhiera using her fire-hands to send them flying, Angel using his fists and feet. Wesley as he is about to close the top on one of the girls laying down in a box with ice: "That outfit - it quite becomes you, you know." Cordy: "Wesley, get a grip! They're not going to be able to hold them off all day." Wesley closes the lid and helps another girl into the next one. Wesley breathing a bit fast: "My, what a grip. Very - healthy. Surprisingly firm myself under the jacket. Have a feel." Cordy: "You are pathetic! And about to get your eyeballs fried!" Cordy gets the girl to lay down and gets ready to close the lid. Wesley: "I know, but - ah -just one kiss good-bye?" Cut to Angel and Jhiera fighting the Vigories. Wesley and Cordy run in and join the fray, but are quickly taken hostage. Angel sees them being held and quits fighting. Tay: "Jhiera and the runaways are ours." Angel: "No they're not." Tay: "Give them back or the humans die." Angel looks over at Jhiera. Jhiera to Tay: "Then they die." Everyone looks after her as she walks out. Cordy and Wesley elbow the Vigories holding them into the stomach and the fight resumes. It is over quickly since most of the Vigories run out to follow Jhiera. Cut to Jhiera walking up to the truck with the girls loaded on the back. A Vigory grabs her, restraining her hands. Tay pliers in hand: "Hold it. - Hold it still. - Time to go home." Jhiera can't get free and Tay is about to close the pliers on the top ridge when Angel wraps his arm around his neck and pulls him off Jhiera. Angel to the Vigory holding Jhiera: "Unless you want to see your leader dead, you let her go. (The Vigory lets Jhiera go and she stares at Angel) Go. GO!" Jhiera gets in the truck and drives off. Angel waits until she is well under way then pushes Tay towards the other Vigory. Angel: "I don't want you bringing your war here again." Tay to Angel: "I have no choice! If this enemy persists our whole society crumbles." Angel: "And if it persists on my turf you're going to have another enemy!" Tay: "You don't understand our ways, human." Angel: "No, I don't. (Morphs into vamp face) And I'm not human. - Now, if I were you, I'd grab the next portal out of here. Got it?" Day. Angel's office. Angel picks up the bag of coffee beans looking around, then tries to crush the beans. The bag bursts open, spilling beans all over the floor, just as the door opens and Wesley and Cordy walk in. Angel: "Watch out..." Wesley: "Angel..." Wesley slips on the beans, landing on his butt. Angel: "Sorry. I-I had a little..." Cordy to Angel: "Mushing didn't work out so great, huh?" Wesley from the floor: "Not to worry. My fault I'm sure, really. (Starts sweeping up the beans in his hands) Cagey little brutes, aren't they? I'll wash them if you'd like. Individually. They'll be just as good as new. Better." Angel lays a hand on Wesley's arm: "Wesley. Stop." Cordy to Wesley: "Wow. Groveling isn't just a way of life for you, it's an art." Wesley to Cordy: "I do not grovel. (To Angel) Please don't fire me. What happened yesterday was an anomaly. I'm very rarely taken hostage." Angel: "That's good to know. And you're not fired." Wesley: "I'm not?" Angel: "No. It wasn't your fault. (Claps Wesley on the shoulder) And you know what? You handled yourself very well." Wesley: "Well, that's... I can't tell you... (Takes a breath) I am your faithful servant, Angel." Cordy to Angel: "Like I said, an art. (Jhiera walks in) Oh! Look who's here. (To Jhiera) Can I get you something? Knife to our throat so you can run away?" There is a moment's silence then Cordy walks off. Angel to Jhiera: "Come on in." She walks into the back office and Angel closes the door behind her. Jhiera: "The girls are safe - outside the city." Angel: "I'm glad. But you nearly got Cordelia and Wesley killed." Jhiera: "I had no choice." Angel: "Yes, you did. If you vowed to protect the innocent it shouldn't matter which dimension they're from." Jhiera sighs and turns away: "An easy sentiment when your people are free." Angel: "I'm not saying you shouldn't fight. Just know that I will be there to stop you - if you cross the line." Jhiera walks up close to him: "I don't need an extra conscience. I'll do what I think is right." Angel: "And I'll do the same." Jhiera after a beat: "Fine. I think we understand each other then. (They stare at each other for a moment then Jhiera looks down) I have to go." As she walks out Angel sees that the ridges visible above her jacket are glowing a bright, fiery red. During the end credits we get a reprise of Wesley and Angel dancing at Cordy's party.	Plan: A: Cordy; Q: Who gets a vision from the Powers That Be? A: Angel; Q: Who is fighting demons from an alternate dimension? A: their own cruel world; Q: What are the demon women trying to escape? A: virtual slaves; Q: What are the females used as in the alternate dimension? A: demon women; Q: What is smuggling themselves to earth? A: the refugees; Q: Who does Angel Inc. help find safety? Summary: After Cordy gets a vision from the Powers That Be, Angel finds himself fighting demons from an alternate dimension. Desperate to escape their own cruel world, where the females are used as virtual slaves, demon women are smuggling themselves to earth. Unfortunately, the men from that dimension are out to stop them and it's up to the gang at Angel Inc. to help the refugees find safety.
[OPENING TITLES] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [A man rides a bicycle toward the abbey. A new valet, Henry Lang, prepares Robert's clothes. William works downstairs.] Anna: Should we give them some more space between the beds? Lady Edith: Well, we could give them-- Isobel Crawley: Not much. I'm determined to defend the library as a recreation room. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Where are we to sit? Isobel Crawley: We can screen off the small library Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is that all? Lady Edith: I suppose we-- Isobel Crawley: Well, we could leave you the boudoir. I wanted to put the intermediaries in there, but we don't have to. Cora, Countess of Grantham: How kind. Lady Sybil: Why will we only have officers? Surely all wounded men need to convalesce. Dr Clarkson: The hospital is for officers, and the whole idea is to have a complimentary convalescent home. Lady Sybil: Of course, but I don't know if we can make that an absolute rule. Isobel Crawley: If the world were logical, I would rather agree with you. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Which comes as no surprise. Isobel Crawley: You would not, I imagine. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You imagine right. What these men will need is rest and relaxation. Will that be achieved by mixing ranks and putting everyone on edge? [Violet exits and Sybil follows her into the hall.] Lady Sybil: Granny. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mm? Lady Sybil: Different ranks can relax together, it has been known. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, don't look at me, I'm very good at mixing. We always danced the first waltz at the servants' ball, didn't we, Carson? Mr Carson: If was an honour, my lady. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: It's a lot to ask when people aren't at their best. I'm searching for Lady Mary, Carson. Will you tell her I'm in the library? [Carson bows and goes in search of her. Isobel passes Edith who's standing in a doorway.] Isobel Crawley: Don't loiter, Edith. There's plenty to be done. Lady Edith: Of course, but I'm not quite what to-- Isobel Crawley: Sybil, I want to have a quick word with you. [Edith is left feeling lost.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] Anna: I'm going down to the village this afternoon if anyone wants anything. Mrs Hughes: Some stamps would be kind. I'll get you the money. Mr Carson: I'd like to thank you all for your work this morning. Ethel: It's so strange to see the rooms converted into dormitories. Anna: But good. It was wrong for our life to chug along as if the war were only happening to other people. Daisy: How will it be, though? Are we all working for Mrs Crawley now? O'Brien: We are not. Mr Carson: I'm sure the chain of command will be sorted out soon. O'Brien: Or there'll be blood on the stairs. Mr Carson: Thank you, Miss O'Brien. [Lang gets up, obviously distressed in some way.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But what do you think it meant? Lady Mary: Really, Granny. Lavinia Swire knows Richard Carlisle. So what? One knows lots of people in London. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I don't know many people who'd threaten me behind the laurels. Lady Mary: Aunt Rosamund said herself she didn't know what to make of it. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I still think it's a peculiar way for a gentleman to speak to a lady. Lady Mary: At least you think him a gentleman. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: The point is, do you think he's a gentleman? Lady Mary: I'm not sure it matters much to me. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, I'm going up to London to stay with Rosamund for a day or two. I think we'll have Lavinia for tea. Lady Mary: You sound as if you're going to gobble her up. VIOLET, DOWAGER COUNTESS OF GRANTHAM (laughs) If only we could. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Mrs Patmore: But where are they going to eat? Mr Carson: I understand from Mrs Crawley that they'll share the dining room with the officers who are almost well. Mrs Patmore: So, am I running a cantina? [Daisy giggles as she reads her letter.] Daisy: William says he's got time off between the end of his training and going overseas. Mrs Hughes: He'll be with his father, surely? Daisy: He's going home first, but he wants to come here for his last night. Mrs Hughes: You wouldn't mind that, would you, Mr Carson? Mr Carson: Certainly not. I'd be glad to wish him well on his way. Oh, for you Mr Branson. [Branson enters and Carson hands him a letter.] Daisy: Why do you think he's coming here? Mrs Patmore: To see us all and say goodbye. What's wrong with that? Daisy: Well, suppose it's something more. Suppose he's got plans. Mrs Patmore: Well, you have to deal with that when it happens. And mind you deal fair. Now, go and grate that suet before I grow old and die. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna walks down the street, sees a man by a tree nearby who looks like Bates. She rushes to him, but he has disappeared.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON ABBEY, WARD - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Sybil makes up the hospital beds.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Who'll be in charge? Lady Edith: Cousin Isobel thinks it'll be her. Lady Mary: All know is that she'll drive us mad before the end. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm going up to change. Lady Sybil: I just want to finish this. Lady Edith: Aren't you going to the hospital? Lady Sybil: Not yet. I'm on a night shift. I'll walk down after dinner. And please don't start lecturing me. Lady Edith: I won't. The truth is, I envy you. Lady Sybil: Do you ever miss helping out on the Drakes' farm? Lady Edith: That's a funny question. Why? Lady Sybil: No reason. It's just, you seemed to have such a purpose there. It suited you. Lady Edith: It did suit me. I enjoyed it. But now I feel like a spare part. Lady Sybil: Trust me, you have a talent that none of the rest of us have. Just find out what it is and use it. It's doing nothing that's the enemy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY] O'Brien: The truth is, milady, Mrs Crawley's forgotten this is your house. And we need a friend in charge of the day-to-day management. Because if Mrs Crawley gets one of her toadies in to run things, she'll have her nose in every pie before you can say Jack Robinson. Cora, Countess of Grantham: But who? O'Brien: What about Thomas, milady? He's hospital trained, and he's always had a soft spot for Downton. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Thomas? The footman? Managing Downton Abbey? O'Brien: But he's not a footman now, is he? He's a corporal with real battle experience as a medic. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Could Dr Clarkson spare him? O'Brien: Well, I suppose he'll have to spare somebody. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna is learning how to use a curling iron on Mary's hair.] Lady Mary: Are you all right? You seem a bit preoccupied. Anna: I had a...Never mind. Lady Mary: What? Anna: It was this afternoon in the village, I thought I saw Mr Bates. Lady Mary: Bates? Isn't he in London? Anna: I might've been wrong. I walked up to where he was standing and there was no sign of him, but-- Lady Mary: Do you know his address in London? Anna: As long as he's still there. Why? Lady Mary: I'll telephone Sir Richard and ask him to look into it. Anna: But what would he know? Lady Mary: He works in newspapers. A world of spies, tip offs, and private investigators. I promise you, he can find out whatever he likes. Anna: All right, then. If you think he can help. Lady Mary: Good. I'll ring him tonight. [Mary looks at her curled hair.] Lady Mary: Not bad. Try to fit in a bit of practice. We've plenty of time to get it right before there's anyone to see me who matters. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LONDON, BELGRAVE SQUARE, LADY ROSAMUND'S HOUSE - DAY] Lavinia: I only know Sir Richard because he is, or was, a friend of my father's, and of my uncle, Jonathan Swire. Lady Rosamund: The liberal minister? Lavinia: That's it. But I'm afraid they've fallen out. Lady Rosamund: Aw. Lavinia: This room is so pretty. Has the house always been the Painswicks' London home. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: There's no always about the Painswicks, my dear. They were invented from scratch by my son-in-law's grandfather. Lady Rosamund: We bought the house when we were married. Lavinia: You make Mr Painswick sound rather a rough diamond, Lady Grantham. Lady Rosamund: Marmaduke wasn't a rough diamond, was he Mama? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No. He was just cut and polished comparatively recently. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GARAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Sybil talks to Branson while he washes the car.] Lady Sybil: Carson's told Papa you've been called up. Branson: There's no need to look so serious. Lady Sybil: You'd think me rather heartless if I didn't. Branson: I'm not going to fight. Lady Sybil: You'll have to. Branson: I will not. I'm going to be a conscientious objector. Lady Sybil: They'll put you in prison. Branson: I'd rather prison than the Dardanelles. Lady Sybil: When will you tell them? Branson: In my own good time. Lady Sybil: I don't understand. Branson: I'll go to the medical, I'll report for duty, and when on parade, I'll march out front and I'll shout it loud and clear. And if that doesn't make the newspapers, then I'm a monkey's uncle. Lady Sybil: But you'll have a record for the rest of your life. Branson: At least I'll have a life. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Patmore and Daisy talk as Lang comes down the stairs. He drops the clothes brush twice.] Mrs Patmore: Cheer up. It's not as bad as that. What's the matter, Mr Lang? Tell me. I won't bite. Mr Lang: I sometimes feel I'm the only one who knows what's going on over there. And you all wander around ironing clothes and cleaning boots and choosing what's for dinner while, over the channel, men are killed, and maimed, and blown to pieces. Mrs Patmore: We know more than you think. The war hasn't left us alone. It hasn't left me alone, however it may look. Mr Lang: Have you any idea how scared they are? How scared they all are? Mrs Patmore: I lost my nephew, my sister's boy. H--he was shot...for cowardice. That's what they said. But I knew him, and he'd never have done such a thing if he hadn't've been half out of his mind with fear. Mr Lang: Don't blame him. It was him, but it could've been me. It could have been any of us. [Mrs Patmore nods as he leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COURTYARD - DAY] Thomas: Suppose I don't want to come back? O'Brien: To be in charge? Telling Mr Carson what to do? Thomas: Why? What's in it for you? O'Brien: All right, it's to stop Mrs Crawley bossing Her Ladyship about. She behaves as if she owns the place. Thomas: You've changed your tune. When I were last here, you'd've given money to see Her Ladyship eat dirt. O'Brien: Well, like you say, I've changed me tune. People do. Thomas: Not without reason. O'Brien: I've got me reasons. Thomas: You've also got Her Ladyship wrapped 'round your little finger. O'Brien: Maybe that's my business. But I'll not hurt her. And I'll not let anyone else hurt her neither. That's all I've got to say. Thomas: You're a queer one, and no mistake. O'Brien: So, will you come if I can fix it? Thomas: Why not? I like the idea of giving orders to old Carson. [O'Brien smiles.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I go away for five minutes and everything's settled. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Nothing's settled. For a start, which rooms will we live in? Isobel Crawley: The small library and the boudoir. Cora, Countess of Grantham: If Cousin Isobel can find somewhere else for the intermediaries. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: There's always the boot room. I'm sure you'll have use of that. Robert, Earl of Grantham: And where are we supposed to eat? Isobel Crawley: You can share the dining room with those officers-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. Isobel Crawley: We all have to make sacrifices. Robert, Earl of Grantham: No! Dr Clarkson: Then we'll have tables set up in the Great Hall for the mobile officers and for the nurses. And Lady Grantham, I know you'll be happy about one decision. Lady Grantham asked that the house management might be put into the hands of Corporal Barrow, your former footman, Thomas. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thomas? In charge of Downton? Cora, Countess of Grantham: No, that's what I thought at first. But he isn't a footman now, he's a soldier. He's worked in medicine. Dr Clarkson: The point is, someone has to run the place who's had medical training. Isobel Crawley: But I really feel-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: The men won't accept the authority of a corporal. Dr Clarkson: I've thought of that. I told my commanding officer that Lady Grantham had asked for Corporal Barrow, and he's prepared to have him raised to the rank of acting sergeant. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But can you spare him? Dr Clarkson: We can. I've gone to some trouble to do so. [Isobel is obviously not pleased with the arrangement. Cora is extremely pleased with the arrangement.] Dr Clarkson: Sergeant Barrow will manage the daily running of Downton and I shall be in overall charge. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But you have the hospital. Aren't we missing a tier. Surely there should be someone here permanently who is under you, but over Thomas. Dr Clarkson: That's correct. And I will make a decision before long. Until then, I do assure you, Corporal Barrow is very efficient. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I say, good. If someone's to manage things, let it be our creature. Isobel Crawley: Why? Are you planning to divide his loyalties? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I wouldn't say I was planning it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] Mr Carson: William has asked to stay here, my lord. Just for a night. On his way to active duty in France. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Good. I should like to see him. Mr Carson: I don't suppose there's any way we can keep him from harm? Him being an only child and all. We'd hate for anything to happen. [Lang froze in the middle of fixing Robert's cufflinks.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thank you, Lang, I can do the rest. Mr Lang: Very sorry, my lord. [Lang leaves.] Mr Carson: To get back to the notion of Thomas as the manager of Downton. Robert, Earl of Grantham: He won't be a manager in that sense, but Her Ladyship fixed it all with Clarkson, and she was so pleased I didn't know what to say. Mr Carson: I cannot have him working here because he is a thief? Robert, Earl of Grantham: You know she's ignorant of Thomas's crimes. We agreed, at the time, that would be best. And, anyway, is it honourable in us to hold Thomas's sins against him when he has been wounded in the service of the king? Mr Carson: And who is to be in charge over Thomas? Robert, Earl of Grantham: You mean, under Dr Clarkson? Well, we asked today, but he hasn't decided. Mr Carson: So, we just make it up as we go along. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Unless you've got a better idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] O'Brien: Are you still here, Mr Branson? [They all stand as Mr Carson enters.] Mr Carson: Why don't you stay and have something to eat. Ethel: Mr Branson's been telling us the news from Russia. Mr Carson: And what news is that? Branson: Kerensky's been made Prime Minister, but he won't go far enough for me. Lenin denounces the bourgeoisie along with the tsar. He wants a people's revolution. That's what I'm waiting for. Won't be long now. Mr Carson: And what happened to the tsar? Branson: Imprisoned in the Alexander Palace with all his family. Mrs Patmore: Oh, what a dreadful thing. Branson: They won't hurt them. Why would they? Anna: To make an example. Branson: Give them some credit. This is a new dawn, a new age of government. No one wants to start it with the murder of a bunch of young girls. Mr Lang: You don't know that. Nobody knows who will get killed when these things start. Look at her nephew. Shot for cowardice. [Mrs Patmore, and everyone else, stares at him in shock.] Mr Lang: Who would've guess that when he was saying hello to the neighbours, or kissing his mother goodnight. [Daisy rushes in.] Daisy: Can you look at the crumble? I think it should come out, but it's five minutes earli-- than you said. [Mrs Patmore rushes out crying.] Mr Lang: I'm sorry. I never thought. [Mrs Hughes gets up from the table to go after Mrs Patmore.] Mrs Hughes: You should think, Mr Lang. You're not the only member of the walking wounded in this house. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. DOWNTON, OUTER HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Someone rings at the front door. Mr Carson tries to make his way through the bustle of medical staff. Thomas enters through the front door.] Mr Carson: Why are you coming in this way? Thomas: I'm the manager here now, Mr Carson. Or had you forgotten? Mr Carson: No, I have not forgotten. And will you be moving into your old room, or should we prepare a guest bedroom? Thomas: I'll sleep in my old room, thanks. So, are we ready for the big invasion? 'Cause they'll be here at tea time. Mr Carson: We'll have to be ready, won't we, Thomas? Thomas: We will, Mr Carson. And it's Sergeant Barrow now. Mr Carson: Acting Sergeant, I believe. [Robert wanders around the large library, which is now set up as the officers' recreation room. A nurse pulls out a screen to block of the small library. Lady Grantham looks unhappily at the great hall, now set up as the dining hall for the officers. The family walks out the front door to welcome the officers.] Isobel Crawley: How many [?] are there? Dr Clarkson: Thirty-six. Isobel Crawley: Thirty-six? Right. Well, we'll get back to you. Dr Clarkson: Quick as you can, gentlemen. Driver, use that road here and go straight into the hospital. Robert, Earl of Grantham: This way, please, gentlemen. Isobel Crawley: ..suffered from mustard gas, and must be [?]. Lady Sybil: Okay. [Sybil walks into the house and speaks to a nurse and officer on crutches in the front hall.] Lady Sybil: Don't worry, we'll see to you. [Sybil continues into the house.] Thomas: Major Bryant, you're in the Armada Bedroom. Do you mind the stairs? Major Bryant: Depends on what I find at the top. [Ethel catches sight of Major Bryant] Ethel: He's handsome. O'Brien: Handsome and off limits. Ethel: It'll be nice to have the house full of men. Anna: Full of officers. Officers aren't men. Not where we're concerned. Ethel: Oh, speak for yourself. Anna: Speak for you too if you know what's good for you. [Matthew enters and touches his mother's arm.] Isobel Crawley: I'm very sorry, but I-- [She looks up.] Isobel Crawley: Matthew! What in the world are you doing here? Matthew Crawley: Well, we start our tour of Yorkshire and Lancashire tomorrow and General Strutt knew you lived up here, so he's given me a few hours off. Isobel Crawley: What a lovely-- [She kisses his cheek.] Isobel Crawley: Lovely surprise. Mrs Hughes: Mrs Crawley, how can we separate the hospital's linen from our own? [Mary enters to pick up a tray of carafes and freezes when she catches sight of Matthew.] Matthew Crawley: You go. We'll talk later. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON ABBEY, WARD - DAY] Lady Edith: As soon as I've done this, I'll take your orders for books. Officer 1: Thank you. Officer 2: Nurse? Nurse: Do you need help with [?]? Officer 2: No, I'm fine. [Mary distributes the carafes in the room.] Matthew Crawley: I hadn't cast you as Florence Nightingale. Lady Mary: We can't leave all the moral high ground to Sybil. She might get lonely there. How are you? I--I know I mustn't ask you what you're doing. Matthew Crawley: You can ask what I'm doing in Downton. We've finished in the Midlands, and tomorrow we start in the camps in the northern counties. Lady Mary: Ah. Will we see something of you? Matthew Crawley: I think my general ought to come here. It's exactly the sort of thing people like to read about. Isobel Crawley: Sybil, come, Edith can do that. Matthew Crawley: Dear Mother. She does love a bit of authority. I suppose she's driving Cousin Cora mad. Lady Mary: No names, no pack drill. [Mary puts a finger over her lips and they both smile.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WARD - DAY] Doctor: Breathe in. [The doctor holds a stethoscope to Branson's chest as he breathes in.] Doctor: And out. [Branson exhales. The doctor takes off the stethoscope and fills out the medical form.] Doctor: I'm surprised they didn't get you before now. Branson: Some people have all the luck, sir. Doctor: You can get dressed. [Branson buttons up his shirt.] Branson: Shall I report for duty in Richmond? Doctor: You'll be told what to do. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] Thomas: But I must supervise the medical staff. Isobel Crawley: Overseen by me. And Carson, I'm relying on you to make that that is-- [Cora enters with Mrs Hughes behind her.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: What's going on? Isobel Crawley: I was arranging the household duties where they overlap with the duties of the nursing staff. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Shall we continue this upstairs? Isobel Crawley: Well, I've made some charts and-- [Cora gives her a severe look.] Isobel Crawley: Of course. [Isobel and Cora leave.] Ethel: Did you say you were the manager or the referee? O'Brien: You can see what we're up against. Thomas: Don't worry, we'll find a solution. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Cora, Countess of Grantham: You take over every room in the house, you bark at me like a sergeant major, and you give orders to my servants. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Cora, I'm sure Cousin-- [Mary enters.] Lady Mary: I'm sorry, are you in the middle of something? Dr Clarkson: We're discussing the arrangements. Lady Mary: Oh, good, because we've had a letter from Evelyn Napier. He's in a hospital in Middlesbrough and he's heard that we're a convalescent home now, and wonders if he can come here once he's released. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course he can come here. Dr Clarkson: Well, now, just a minute. Isobel Crawley: There's no question of him coming here. Cora, Countess of Grantham: What? Isobel Crawley: The Middlesbrough General will have their own arrangements for where their patients convalesce. Dr Clarkson: I'm afraid Mrs Crawley is right. Downton must function as part of the official system, or it cannot function at all. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Now, I think, perhaps, I should make one thing clear. Downton is our house and our home, and we will welcome in it any friends or any relations we choose. And if you do not care to accept that condition, then I suggest you give orders for the nurses, and the patients, and the beds, and the rest of it, to be packed up and shipped out at once! [Cora holds in a smile.] Dr Clarkson: Thank you, Lord Grantham, for making your position so clear. [Clarkson clears his throat and starts to leave.] Isobel Crawley: Oh, just one more thing. The dog. What should we do to stop Isis getting into the patients' rooms? Robert, Earl of Grantham: I can answer that. Absolutely nothing. Isobel Crawley: Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert tries to read the newspaper while officers are playing table tennis in the other section. The ball bounces over the screen and across his table. He puts his paper down for a moment, looks at the dog, then continues reading.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - DAY] Lady Mary: Anna, there you are. Ethel, could you leave us for a moment? [Ethel leaves and closes the door behind her.] Lady Mary: That was Sir Richard on the telephone. It might have been Bates you saw in the village. Anna: Really? Lady Mary: He's working up here at a pub. The Red Lion in Kirkbymoorside. Anna: That's odd. Mr Bates in a pub. Lady Mary: The question's what'll you do with the information now you've got it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson shines the car while waiting for Robert. Sybil walks a wheelchair into the house with another nurse.] Lady Sybil: Would you just take this into the hall for me? Nurse: Yes, of course. [The nurse goes inside and Sybil goes to Branson.] Lady Sybil: Are you waiting for Papa? Do you want me to go and find him? Branson: They turned me down. The army. Lady Sybil: Why? Branson: Apparently I have a heart murmur. Or, to be more precise... [Branson picks up the letter on car seat.] Branson: A mitral valve prolapse is causing a pansystolic murmur. Lady Sybil: I don't know what to say. Is it dangerous. Branson: Only if you're planning to humiliate the British army. I suppose you're glad. Lady Sybil: You're not going to be killed and you're not going to prison, of course I'm glad! Branson: Don't count your chickens. If I don't get them one way, I'll get them another. Lady Sybil: Why do you have to be so angry all the time? I know we weren't exactly at our best in Ireland-- Branson: Not at your best? Not at your best? I lost a cousin in the Easter Rising last year. Lady Sybil: You never said. Branson: Well, I'm saying it now. He was walking down North King's Street one day and an English soldier saw him and shot him dead. When they asked why he was killed, the officer said, "Because he was probably a rebel." So don't say you were not at your best. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Sorry to keep you waiting, but we're going to have to step on it. [Branson opens the door for Robert, a furious expression still on his face. He glares at Sybil as he gets in the car and takes off.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECREATION ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith hands an officer a book and picks up a large pile.] Lady Edith: I'm not sure about Marriott. Officer: Oh, not to worry. Lady Edith: I know we've got lots of G.A. Henty. Officer: Thank you very much. Lady Edith: And I haven't forgotten about your tobacco, Captain Ames, just as soon as I can get into the village. [Mrs Hughes catches Ethel flirting with Major Bryant outside. She tucks a blanket around his legs.] Ethel: Is that better? Major Bryant: Much. But I'm gonna need some more tucking very soon. Ethel: Well, no one tucks better than I do. Mrs Hughes: Ethel. Go back inside please. There are still more bedrooms to be done. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Rosamund's going to find out. She knows some of those feebleminded idiots on the liberal front bench. Lady Mary: Poor Lavinia. I feel sorry for her. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: She's an obstacle to your happiness, dear, and must be removed. When it's done, you can feel as sorry as you wish. Lady Mary: But even if Matthew does break it off with her, why should he propose to me again? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: With your permission, dear, I'll take my fancies one at a time. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOUSEMAIDS' BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Dressed for bed, Anna is practicing with the curling iron on her own hair.] Ethel: Any plans for your afternoon off? Major Bryant wants me to go to the pictures in York with him when he's allowed out. But you'll say that's stupid. Anna: Not stupid. Insane. Ethel: But he really likes me, though. He says he wants to get to know me better. Anna: Has he told you how he's planning how to achieve it? Ethel: Spoil sport. What you up to? Anna: Just practicing with these for Lady Mary. [?] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KIRKBYMOORSIDE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna gets off the bus and enters The Red Lion. She peers through the frosted glass to see Bates at the bar before she enters.] Mr Bates: It's one and eight. [Bates sees Anna.] Customer: There you go. Anna: Might I have a glass of cider? [Bates hands the customer his change.] Customer: Thank you. [The customer leaves and Anna approaches the bar.] Mr Bates: I don't know if I've dreaded this moment or longed for it. Anna: Well, either way, it's happened. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY] Lady Rosamund: I'm glad I'm in time for tomorrow's state visit. I gather Lavinia will be there. [Mary rolls her eyes.] Lady Rosamund: We must seize the opportunity to challenge her. Lady Mary: I don't really see on what basis. Lady Rosamund: She stole secrets from her uncle, Jonathan Swire, and gave them to Carlisle to publish, Swire told me. Lady Mary: And the paper showed that half the cabinet were trying to get rich by buying shares before a government contract was announced. Would you rather we were kept in ignorance? Lady Rosamund: It wasn't Lavinia's business to make it public. Without her, the Marconi scandal would never have happened. Lady Mary: The politicians broke the law. Lavinia did nothing wrong. [Violet regards Mary with surprise.] Lady Rosamund: She drags the chancellor of the exchequer's honour through the mud and you say it's nothing. Lady Mary: It was only Lloyd George. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But why did she betray her uncle to Sir Richard in the first place? Lady Rosamund: Because... Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh-- Lady Rosamund: They were lovers. And now it's down to you to save Matthew from the clutches of a scheming harlot. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Really, Rosamund, there's no need to be so gleeful. You sound like Robespierre lopping off the head of Marie Antoinette. [Violet laughs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE RED LION - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates and Anna sit at a table.] Mr Bates: It was me. I knew you used to go to the village on Wednesday. I so longed for a glimpse of you. Anna: But why're you up here at all? And why didn't you tell me? Mr Bates: Because I want to get things settled first. You see, I've discovered that Vera has been unfaithful to me. I've got proof. Anna: You can't criticise her for that. Mr Bates: No, but it means I can divorce her. I've had to leave the house to prove that it has broken the marriage. So I came up here to be nearer you. Anna: But what if she fights it? Mr Bates: She can't. For her to divorce me, she needs something beyond adultery, cruelty or such like. For a husband, adultery is enough. Anna: That's not very fair to women. Mr Bates: I don't care about fairness, I care about you. The point is, I can get rid of her. If she goes quietly, I will give her money and plenty of it. If not, she leaves empty handed. Anna: And when will this be? Mr Bates: I need to get her to accept it first. She's made threats about selling stuff to the papers. Anna: What stuff? Mr Bates: Don't worry. They won't offer what I will. You've changed your hair. Anna: I was trying out Lady Mary's new curling iron. What do you think? [They smile at each other.] Mr Bates: I think I would love you however, and whatever, whenever. Anna: We don't have to wait, you know. If you want me to throw up everything and come with you, I will. Gladly. Mr Bates: I can't marry you yet. Not legally. And I won't break the law. Anna: It's not against the law to take a mistress, Mr Bates. [She takes his hands.] Mr Bates: I know you, Anna Smith, and I love you, and that is not the right path for you. But it won't be long now. [She's close to tears, but Anna nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COURTYARD - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien steps out while Branson works.] O'Brien: So, you're not going to war, then? Branson: Apparently not. Is it true about Mr Crawley bringing a famous general here? O'Brien: Captain Crawley. But yes. Why? [Branson begins to plot.] Branson: No reason. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - EVENING] Robert, Earl of Grantham: If they arrive at five, we'll walk him around the wards, then show him the recovering men at play, and after that, a fairly grand dinner. I'll tell him to bring mesquite. Mr Carson: That is my challenge, my lord. How to make the dinner sufficiently grand with no footmen in the house. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Plenty of people give dinners without footmen. Mr Carson: Not people who entertain Sir Herbert Strutt, hero of the Somme. Isobel Crawley: I'm sure he'll have seen worse things at the front than a dinner with no footmen. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Carson only wants to show the general proper respect. We will not criticise him for that. Dr Clarkson: Indeed, we will not. But I think Lord Grantham's plan is a good one, with or without footmen. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Matthew writes Miss Swire is coming down from London for it. Isobel Crawley: Really? He never said so to me. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Does he need your permission? Isobel Crawley: I think I should go around with him. Dr Clarkson: You and Lady Grantham will both come with us. Isobel Crawley: But won't you want to talk about treatments? Dr Clarkson: The treatments...and the house. [Carson and Robert exchange a look.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON ABBEY, WARD - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith enters the room and an officer whispers to her.] Captain Smiley: Miss. Lady Edith: It's Captain Smiley, isn't it? [Edith sits next to the officer's bed.] Lady Edith: We haven't met yet, but I'm Edith Crawley. And tomorrow I can show you where everything is. Captain Smiley: It's just that I'd like to write a letter to my parents. Lady Edith: Of course. There's paper and envelopes in the library. Captain Smiley: No, you see, I've not written before because I--I didn't want to worry my mother with a different handwriting. [Smiley pulls his left arm out from under the sheet and his hand is missing. Edith is in shock.] Captain Smiley: I'm left-handed. How's that for luck? Lady Edith: I'm surprised your school didn't force you to use the right. Captain Smiley: My mother wouldn't let them. But now I wish they had. I've asked the others, and they say you're the one to help me. Lady Edith: Of course I will. I'd be happy to. Captain Smiley: That's what they said. If you can just find a way to tell her. Lady Edith: We'll both find a way. Together. I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson knocks on the doorway where Mr Carson is putting away the silver.] Branson: Mr Carson, might I have a word. Mr Carson: I'm busy with this dinner for tomorrow night. Branson: Well, that's just it. I don't expect you'll be using Mr Lang, not after last time. Mr Carson: I will not. Branson: So I wondered if I might be any help. I've waited a table before. Mr Carson: Do you mean it? [Branson nods.] Mr Carson: I know I've no right to ask it of a chauffeur. Branson: We have to keep up the honour of Downton, don't we? Mr Carson: I'm very grateful, Mr Branson. I'll not hide it, very grateful, indeed. You know where to find the livery? Branson: I do. Mr Carson: And I gather you won't be leaving us after all. Branson: Who knows what the future will bring. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' BEDROOM CORRIDOR - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Lang is yelling in his sleep. All of the servants wake up and get out of bed.] Anna: What is it? Mrs Hughes: ...shouting. Mr Carson: What's going on? [Mrs Hughes opens the door into the men's section.] Mrs Hughes: ... to find out. Thomas: It's Mr Lang. Mrs Hughes: What in heaven's name is happening? [Mr Lang is thrashing around in his bed.] Mr Lang: No! No, I can't do it! Mr Carson: Mr Lang? Mr Lang: I can't do it! [Mr Carson shakes Mr Lang awake.] Mr Carson: You're having a bad dream, Mr Lang! You're having a dream! Mr Lang: They're soldiers, Mr Carson! I see soldiers, but I can't! [O'Brien goes to Lang's side.] Mr Lang: I can't go back no matter what! Mr Carson: No one's asking you to go back, Mr Lang. Thomas: No, just to put a sock in it. O'Brien: Don't worry, Mr Lang, you've had a bad dream, that's all. [Mr Lang looks at O'Brien.] Mr Lang: Is it a dream? [O'Brien nods. Lang begins to sob.] Mr Lang: Thank God. [Mr Carson nods to the others and they leave.] Mr Lang: Oh, thank God. Thank God. O'Brien: You're all right. Let's get you back into bed. You're all right. [O'Brien helps him lay down.] Mr Lang: I'm sorry. O'Brien: It's all right, Mr Lang. [O'Brien covers him with the blanket.] Mr Lang: I'm sorry. O'Brien: You're all right. [O'Brien looks at Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes still standing there.] O'Brien: Is it any wonder when he's been to hell and back? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The entire household lines up outside to welcome the general. The car drives by and the soldiers solute. The general's party gets out and solutes the family.] Matthew Crawley: My cousin, Lord Grantham. General Strutt: This is very kind of you, Lord Grantham. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Welcome. Matthew Crawley: Lady Grantham. And this is Major Clarkson who runs our hospital here. Isobel Crawley: And I am Captain Crawley's mother. And will accompany you on your tour and explain the different levels of care we practice here. [Clarkson and Matthew's expressions reveal the impropriety of Isobel putting herself forward.] Dr Clarkson: Lady Grantham and Mrs Crawley will both accompany us as we go around, sir. General Strutt: Makes a nice change from the craggy-faced warriors I'm usually surrounded by. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'd like to think that were true. Please, come this way. Isobel Crawley: There's a large recreation room... Cora, Countess of Grantham: I don't believe you've ever been to Downton before. [Mary steps up to Matthew.] Matthew Crawley: Poor mother. She longs to hold all the reigns. General Strutt: Crawley? Matthew Crawley: I should go. If only to keep our respective mothers apart. Thomas: I'm afraid Mrs Crawley's none too pleased to play second fiddle, sir. Dr Clarkson: Well, I hope she doesn't spoil things. Thomas: Well, that's just what I've been meaning to talk to you about, sir. You see, I'm trying to run a tight ship... [O'Brien watches Thomas suspiciously. Rosamund gives Mary a significant look, then smiles at Lavinia before heading into the house, which makes Mary uncomfortable.] Lavinia: What's the matter with your aunt? Lady Mary: We should follow them in. Poor mama will say we're unsupportive. Lavinia: Tell me what it is, please. Lady Mary: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Daisy: I know he's going to propose. Mrs Patmore: Well, then you're going to accept. Did you get that picture taken? Daisy: I did, yeah. Mrs Patmore: Fetch it. Because if you think I'm gonna stand by and watch that boy's dreams stamped in the dust, you've got another thing coming. You can take back your promise when the war's over and not before. Daisy: But it's a lie. Mrs Patmore: Don't make him give up when he's off to face the guns. You'd never forgive yourself if ought happed. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OUTER HALL - DAY] Lady Mary: Do you remember when Aunt Rosamund found you and Richard Carlisle together in the garden? Lavinia: I knew I'd hear more about that. Lady Mary: She thought he was threatening you. And now she's decided that you were behind the Marconi share scandal in 1912. The chancellor and other ministers were involved, including your uncle. Lavinia: I remember the Marconi scandal. Lady Mary: No, let's forget it. It's absurd. Lavinia: But Lady Rosamund is right. I did steal the evidence for Sir Richard to print. I did start the scandal. Lady Mary: The trouble is, Aunt Rosamund can't understand why you would do such a thing unless you and Sir Richard were... Lavinia: Were lovers. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Mary. You must come. [Mary follows her mother in shock.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON ABBEY, WARD - DAY] Matthew Crawley: The ground floor rooms are for those men who the need most care, sir. General Strutt: Yes, of course. Captain Smiley: General Strutt, sir. General Strutt: Oh, right, yes. Tell me about this officer. Isobel Crawley: Who is that man? I hope he's not complaining. Lady Edith: Oh, no. That's Captain Smiley. He hasn't an unkind bone in his body. Lady Mary: How do you know? General Strutt: Matthew, listen to this. Matthew Crawley: Everything all right, sir? Cora, Countess of Grantham: What on earth's that about? Lady Edith: Oh, don't worry. Major Haimes can be a little waspish, but he wouldn't want to get us into trouble. Cora, Countess of Grantham: How do you know so much about a pack of strangers? Lady Edith: They're not strangers to me. General Strutt: This is all very impressive, Lady Grantham. The nurses and your own staff to be congratulated. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I believe they are. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] William: I wouldn't say I was scared. I'm nervous. Course I am. But not scared. I think I'm ready. [Mrs Patmore is crying.] Mrs Patmore: Don't mind me. Only I'm thinking of what your dear mother would say. William: Well, I wish she was here to see me off. Mrs Patmore: Oh, she'd be so proud. Why, when we waved off our Arch, I rememb... [Mrs Patmore breaks down.] Mrs Hughes: What do you remember Mrs Patmore? I'll tell you. You remember a fine young man who enlisted before he had to and who gave his life for his country, because he'd be alive and well today if he hadn't chosen to go to war. Daisy: She's right. Mrs Patmore: That she is. Come on, Daisy, back to the grindstone. [William stands up.] Mrs Patmore: What is it? William: I just want a word with Daisy. Daisy: I'm needed in the kitchen. Mrs Patmore: There's plenty of time later on. [Branson enters in the footman's livery, a dark expression on his face.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECREATION ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The general plays a game.] General Strutt: [?] my aim. Dr Clarkson: And again. Robert, Earl of Grantham: You must be enjoying your respite from the front. Matthew Crawley: Actually I'm struggling a bit. I've just lost my soldier servant and I haven't managed to replace him yet. [Mary regards Lavinia tensely.] Lady Rosamund: So, when will you tell Matthew? Mr Carson: Dinner is served, my lady. Lady Rosamund: Don't waste the opportunity. [Rosamund gets up for dinner.] Lady Mary: Why must she be so savage? It's my broken heart, and it was her advice that wrecked it in the first place. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Classic Rosamund. She's never more righteous than when she's in the wrong. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson walks briskly down the hall.] Mrs Hughes: Everything all right, Mr Branson? Branson: I think so, Mrs Hughes. [Branson takes a breath and then carries a dish up the stairs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna finds a note on the floor. On one side it says "Lady Sybil" on the back "Forgive me." Anna opens the note and her jaw drops. She runs through the hallways to the servants' hall while Mr Branson enters the dining room. Anna runs into Mrs Hughes's sitting room.] Anna: Where's Mr Branson? Mrs Hughes: He's just taken up the soup, why? [Anna shows Mrs Hughes the note.] Anna: Read that. Mrs Hughes: "They'll have arrested me by now, but I'm not sorry. The bstrd had it coming to him"? [Mrs Hughes's jaw drops.] Mrs Hughes: Oh! [They run to Mr Carson.] Mr Carson (whisper): What in God's name? Mrs Hughes (whisper): Read this! Where is he now? Mr Carson: Oh, my God. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson glares at the general. Mr Carson and Anna cross the room to him just as Branson is about to pull the lid off of the soup. Mr Carson clamps his hand down over Branson's, so he can't open it.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm sorry to hear about your servant. Matthew Crawley: Yes. Pneumonia and not a bullet. Branson (whisper): No! Mr Carson (whisper): Yes. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I don't envy you. [Branson struggles for a minute, then looks at Sybil behind him and eventually let's Carson escort him out. Mary notices as Anna follows them with the soup tray. Mr Carson shoves Branson through the door.] Mr Carson (whisper): Get downstairs now! [Branson makes to go back through the door, but Carson twists his arm behind his back and forces him all the way to the servants' hall.] Branson: All right! All right! There's no need to be so rough! [Carson shoves him into the kitchen.] Mr Carson: There's every need! To stop a murder! Branson: Murder? What do you mean "murder"? Anna: You were going to assassinate the general! Branson: Kill the general?! I was not! [Anna lifts the lid on the soup and they all gag.] Anna: Ugh! Branson: I was going to throw that lot all over him. Anna: What is it? Branson: Oil and ink and a bit of a cow pie, all mixed with sour milk. He'd have needed a bath, right enough, but not a coffin! [Mrs Patmore turns her head away as she pours it down the sink.] Daisy: I thought you'd taken the soup up, but you left it in the pantry. [Mrs Hughes grabs a copper pot from the shelf.] Mrs Hughes: We'll use this. It's not bee heated, but the hell with that! And we'll decide what happens to you later. Mr Carson: Nevermind later, what about now? How do we keep this dinner going? William: I'll serve, Mr Carson. I don't mind. Who knows when I'll have the chance again? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: What was going on with the soup? It came, it went. Mr Carson: Nothing to worry about, my lord. Branson was taken ill so William volunteered to be footman one last time. You don't mind, do you? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, not a bit. It was very kind of him. [Carson leaves.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Our footman, William, is leaving us tomorrow to join his regiment, that's why he's not in livery. General Strutt: Well, you're a credit to this house and this country, young man. There is no livery so becoming as a uniform. WILLIAM (nods) Sir. [Robert nods to William.] Matthew Crawley: Lady Rosamund, Mary, all of you, have been so kind to Lavinia. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, naturally. We're all curious to know more of Miss Swire if she's to reign over Downton's queen. Matthew Crawley: Dear me, I hope you haven't unearthed anything too fearful. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You must ask Mary. [Many significant looks are exchanged.] General Strutt: One thing I'm still not quite clear about. Who, precisely, is in charge of Downton when you're not here? Dr Clarkson: I've given it some thought, sir, and it seems to be only fair that Mrs Crawley... [Isobel smiles] Dr Clarkson: ...and Lady Grantham... [Isobel's smile fades. Cora smiles very happily.] Dr Clarkson: ...should share that responsibility. General Strutt: Capital. Well said. [Thomas and O'Brien, listening in, smirk at each other.] General Strutt: The fact is, I have been more than gratified by my visit here today, and I thank Captain Crawley for arranging it. [Matthew nods.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Here, here. General Strutt: You are all to be praised for your response to our national crisis, but I've been talking and I've been listening, and I feel there is one among you whose generosity is in danger of going unremarked. [Both Isobel and Cora wait expectantly.] General Strutt: It seems the daily cares and needs of the patients are being dealt with quietly and efficiently by Lady Edith. [Surprised, everyone stares at Edith.] General Strutt: Or that's what the officers tell me. So, let us raise our glasses and drink her health. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Edith. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Darling. ALL Lady Edith. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Edith, dear. [Edith smiles in wonder of the compliment.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [After dinner, Lavinia and Mary sneak into the library.] Lavinia: We were never lovers. Not ever. Lady Mary: You don't have to explain anything. Not to me. Lavinia: But I want to. You see, my father owed Sir Richard Carlisle a lot of money. Enough to bankrupt him. Lady Mary: And Sir Richard offered to waive the debt if you gave him the evidence of the minister's guilt. Lavinia: Papa was terrified, and I knew I could get into my uncle's office and find the proof. Lady Mary: What is it? Lavinia: He threatened to tell you all about it, and now I've told you anyway. My uncle was guilty. They all were. Sir Richard didn't make it up. Lady Mary: I believe you. Lavinia: But that's not why I did it. It was entirely to save Papa from ruin. Cora, Countess of Grantham (OOV): I'll-- I'll just go and check if everything's ready. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] William: Have you got that picture for me? Daisy: I might have. [Daisy pulls the photo out of her pocket and hands it to William. He looks at it for a moment.] William: Because...you know what I'm going to ask you, so...will you? Daisy: William, you're not sure. You can't be sure. William: I am sure. Mrs Patmore: So is she. Aren't you, Daisy? Isn't this just what you told me you hoped would happen? It's like a fairy story. [Daisy is speechless by Mrs Patmore's deceptive betrayal.] William: Is she right? Daisy are-- are we engaged? Because, if we are, I know I can tackle whatever may come. [Daisy hesitates as she looks mortified between Mrs Patmore and William.] Daisy: Go on, then. [William beams and hugs Daisy.] Mrs Hughes: William?! [William lets go of Daisy.] Mrs Hughes: Do you want to go up top? The general's leaving and Mr Carson likes a full compliment. [Daisy tries to say something to Mrs Hughes.] Mrs Hughes: No, Daisy not you. The war has not changed everything. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Matthew Crawley: The general's just about to leave. I'm afraid he doesn't have time to come in here. Lady Mary: I hope it's all been a success. Matthew Crawley: Cousin Violet said you had something to say to me about Lavinia. What is it? Lady Mary: I haven't the slightest idea. Matthew Crawley: What a relief. She was hinting you'd uncovered some horrid stain. Lady Mary: The only evidence I've uncovered is that she's a charming person. Matthew Crawley: What a testimonial. Lady Mary: The truth is, we're very much alike. So, naturally, I think she's perfect. [Matthew chuckles.] Lady Mary: We all do. Don't we? Aunt Rosamund? Lady Rosamund: Quite perfect. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The servants line up as the party leaves. Mr Lang struggles with shell shock.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Is there any chance you might take our footman, William, for your servant? I can pull some strings, get him transferred to your lot. Matthew Crawley: If you'd like me to, of course. I can't promise to keep him safe. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I know, but...he'd have someone looking out for him. Oh, my God. [Robert sees Lang shaking.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Lang, are you all right, old chap? [Lang grabs onto Robert and buries his head in his chest.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Come, come, man. Things can't be as bad as all that. Carson. Mr Carson: Mr Lang, what happened? Mr Lang: The general and all these officers, I don't have to go back with them, do I? Because I can't. Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. Mr Carson: The general's looking for you, my lord. Matthew Crawley (to the general): Excuse me a moment. Robert, Earl of Grantham: It's been a great pleasure having you... Matthew Crawley (to Lavinia): If I don't see you again before I have to go back, be safe. [Matthew kisses her hand.] Matthew Crawley (to Mary): You, too. [Mary nods. Mr Carson steps in front of Mr Lang to hide him from the departing company, O'Brien comforts Lang.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson pours Mrs Hughes a drink.] Mr Carson: Here. We've earned it. Mrs Hughes: Ah. So, what will you do with him? Mr Carson: Branson or Lang? Mrs Hughes: Not Mr Lang. He isn't well, but he's not a bad man. Mr Carson: No, not at all. But he doesn't belong at Downton. Mrs Hughes: Mm. I meant Mr Branson. Mr Carson: Mm, it's a delicate business, Mrs Hughes. Would we really be right to tell the police and cause a furore and bring riot down on our heads? And all because he wanted to pour a pot of slop over a man's head? Mrs Hughes: From your phrasing, I gather the answer you want from me is "no"? Mr Carson: Well, would it help, Mrs Hughes? That's all I'm asking. Would it help? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Ethel: Where is Mr Branson? Anna: Mr Carson sent him back to his cottage to stew in his own juice. Will we see you in the morning, William? To wish you luck? William: Oh, yes. But I've got something I'd like to say now. [William takes Daisy's hand.] William: If you don't mind. Daisy: Don't, not yet. William: They must know sooner or later. Daisy and I are going to be married. Ethel: You never are! When?! Daisy: After the war. William: I'm not sure I can wait that long. [Daisy looks worriedly at Mrs Patmore.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' BEDROOMS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson knocks on Mr Lang's door, then enters. Mr Lang is packing.] Mr Carson: I see what I planned to say is already superfluous, Mr Lang. You got there before me. Mr Lang: I've let you down, Mr Carson. For that I'm sorry. Mr Carson: We let you down. You weren't suited for work, and I should've spotted that. You'll have two months' wages, and please tell us how you get on. And when you're ready work again, you may rely on a good report from me. Mr Lang: That's kind. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] Cora, Countess of Grantham: It's nice of William to serve tonight. He didn't have to. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm going to arrange for him to be Matthew's servant. With any luck, it'll keep him out of trouble. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Matthew and Mary look so natural together, did you notice? Talking and laughing. But I suppose Lavinia's a nice girl. Robert, Earl of Grantham: We've dreamed a dream, my dear, but now it's over. The world was in a dream before, but now it's woken up and said goodbye to it. And so must we.	Plan: A: July 1917; Q: When did Downton become a convalescent home for wounded officers? A: Violet's outspoken objection; Q: What was the reason for Downton not becoming a convalescent home for wounded officers? A: Violet; Q: Who believes that Mary and Matthew are still in love? A: Isobel; Q: Who took charge of the convalescent home? A: Cora; Q: Who gets Acting Sergeant Thomas Barrow assigned to run the military side of Downton? A: Sir Richard; Q: Who does Violet believe Lavinia is in a relationship with? A: Daisy; Q: Who did William propose to before going to war? Summary: July 1917. Downton becomes a convalescent home for wounded officers, over Violet's outspoken objection, with Isobel taking charge. Cora gets Acting Sergeant Thomas Barrow assigned to run the military side of Downton. Violet believes that Mary and Matthew are still in love. She and Rosamund try to end Matthew's engagement to Lavinia. Violet believes there is something more to Lavinia's relationship with Sir Richard. William proposes to Daisy before going to war.
[Salvatore's House] (Damon is tied to a chair. Like Mason was when he killed him. His ring is on the floor. Stefan enters) Damon: Low blow, Stefan. Low blow Stefan: What the hell happened to you? Damon: Whatever twisted ripper game this is, leave me out of it Stefan: I didn't do this Damon: Quit screwin' around! Stefan: I didn't (He checks the chains) Stefan: It's pretty messed up though, isn't it? Damon: Yep (Stefan removes the iron stick. Damon screams. Stefan begins to remove the chains but stops and leaves. Mason is here, watching them but Damon can't see him) Damon: Yeah, not to worry. I'll just untangle myself (Mason opens the curtains so the sunlight can enter the room. Damon's skin burns. He screams) [The town] (Everyone prepare the town for the night of illuminations, hanging lanterns to the trees. Carol Lockwood Is making a speech for the volunteers and the citizens) Carol: As a long-time member of the historical society, I am especially proud to be kicking off this day of festivities. Thank you, volunteers. Tonight, we turn off our town's lights and flare up our lanterns in honor of the night of illumination started by our founders 150 years ago. Here's founding family member Tobias fell with a history lesson (Everyone applause. Alaric and Jeremy are listening to the speech) Jeremy: What are we doing here? Alaric: Tobias fell is the head of the history department. I didn't have a choice Jeremy: All right, that explains what you're doing here Alaric: Well, I'm the one who can fail you if you don't help me out (Elena rejoins them) Elena: Hey, sorry I'm late. What did I miss? (Anna appears but only Jeremy can see her) Anna: Just a bunch of historical lies Jeremy: You didn't miss anything (Tobias fell is making Is speech) Tobias: The first illumination was held in celebration with the new found prosperity that Mystic Falls enjoyed after the war Anna: After the founders stole from all the vampires (Jeremy laughs. Elena looks at him) Elena: What's so funny? (Jeremy looks at the stage. Elena turns her head to look too. Anna keeps commenting on the speech) Anna: Safe from the vampires (Jeremy smiles. Anna smiles too, looks at him and takes his hand) (Caroline helps Bonnie hanging lanterns to the trees) Caroline: So when you did the spell to send Vicki away, did that get rid of Anna, too? Bonnie: I wish. All I did was block the magic that was helping Vicki get a physical foothold here. Jeremy's still got a direct line to the other side, and as long as he wants to see Anna and she wants to see him, she's still here Caroline: Ok, you don't think I can actually resist commenting on that Bonnie: There. You commented Caroline: Bonnie... Bonnie: What do you want me to say, Caroline? I went against the balance of nature when I brought Jeremy back to life, and now I'm paying the consequences Caroline: Well, I want you to say you're not ok with it Bonnie: I'm a thousand times not ok with it. I just don't know what to do about it (Damon stops by them with his car) Damon: Greetings, blondie. Witchy. I think you got your voodoo wires all crossed when you got rid of Vicki Donovan Bonnie: What do you mean, why? Damon: Because I'm pretty sure I just got spit-roasted by Mason Lockwood's ghost Bonnie: What? Caroline: And why would you think that? Damon: Maybe because he chained me to a chair and shoved a hot poker in my chest. Let's just say I'm having déjà vu (Caroline looks at Bonnie) Caroline: I thought you said that ghosts couldn't physically interact with people Bonnie: They can't Damon: Yeah, well, I don't have time for a vengeful Lockwood. When I kill someone, they're supposed to stay dead. Whatever you screwed up, fix it (He leaves. Matt is on the other side of the road, looking at them) [Mystic Grill] (Jeremy, Elena and Alaric are sitting outside the mystic grill. Stefan's journal are on the table) Elena: Hey, Jer, I need you to help me with something Jeremy: What's up? Elena: I've been going through Stefan's old journals. Every single time that he's gone off the rails in the past, his best friend Lexi's been the one to bring him back Alaric: So where is she now that we need her? Jeremy: She's dead (He looks at Elena) Jeremy: And you want me to try to reach her, don't you? Elena: I thought if I knew how she did it, maybe I could help him Jeremy: I don't even know if she's on the other side Elena: Is that what it's called? Jeremy: That's what Anna calls it. There's not like an official brochure or anything Alaric: So what is it, like some sort of supernatural purgatory? Jeremy: Well, Anna said it's like being here with all of us, only we can't see her or hear her. And she can't interact with anyone. She's all alone (Anna appears in the empty seat) Alaric: Vicki could interact. She blew up my car Jeremy: Vicki had help from a witch on the other side. Anna...She's doing this all by herself Alaric: I'm just saying, maybe we learned our lesson about summoning dead people [The town] (Matt is talking with Caroline and Bonnie) Matt: I haven't seen Vicki, I swear. I sent her back like you told me to Bonnie: Are you sure? Because she has just as much reason to haunt Damon as Mason Lockwood does Matt: She's gone, Bonnie. If she was here, I'd know it. Caroline: Why do you think it's Vicki and not Mason? Bonnie: Because if any ghost other than Vicki Donovan has a physical foothold on our side, then that means Damon's right and something has gone really, really wrong Matt: I've had enough of this ghost stuff to last forever. So you guys can leave me out of this one (He leaves) Caroline: I feel so sad for him. It took a lot for him to send his sister away Bonnie: Yeah Caroline: So much strength as a man Bonnie: I've got a ghost problem to deal with, Caroline. Save the Jeremy lecture for later (She grabs her bag but it's open and everything is on the floor, including her grimoire. She's about to catch it but there's some wind and it opens on a page.) Caroline: Ok, did your grimoire just... Bonnie: I think so (She takes the grimoire to read the page) Caroline: Ok, please tell me that's a recipe for witch cookies Bonnie: It's a manifestation spell. It's used to reveal veiled matter Caroline: What's veiled matter? Bonnie: Ghosts [Mystic Grill] Elena: Do you think it's even possible to contact Lexi? Jeremy: I don't know. I didn't have an emotional connection with her. I never even met her Alaric: Can we just drop it, please? Elena: No, I can't drop it, Ric. I don't know what else to do Alaric: Don't you think we have a few too many dead vampires in our past to be sitting here thinking of them watching us? Anna: I don't think all supernatural spirits go to the other side. I think some of them find peace (Jeremy looks at her but all that Elena and Alaric can see are an empty chair) Elena: Is Anna here right now? Anna: Don't tell her I'm here. She won't like it Jeremy: No, no. I'm going to go, uh, check my work schedule (He gets up and leaves. Stefan arrives) Stefan: Hey, guys. Who forgot to invite me to the family summit? (He sees the journals and takes one and looks into it) Stefan: Hmm? Wow. All these words. I forgot how much I used to care Elena: I didn't Stefan: You know, Elena, it's probably best you not torture yourself with memories from the past. It's best we both just move on and accept things as they are. Alaric: You don't have to be here, Stefan Stefan: You know what, Alaric, you're right. I don't. But Elena's here, and I look out for Elena. Besides, there's going to be people everywhere tonight. So there's going to be lots to eat (Elena looks at him, shocked but he laughs) Stefan: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Loosen up (He gets up and leaves. Elena looks at Alaric) Elena: I can't drop it, Ric [Abandoned House] (Bonnie and Caroline are in the abandoned house and enter a room) Caroline: So this is where you brought Jeremy back to life Bonnie: Yeah. Sorry, I know it's creepy, but we needed a private place around here to do the spell Caroline: Hmm. There's no chance it's haunted by the hundred dead witches who were horrifically burned to death in this very spot, is there? Bonnie: They're not here anymore. And they made it clear they were never coming back Caroline: Right. A pinkie swear? [Mystic Grill] (Jeremy enters the restrooms. Anna enters with him) Anna: What's wrong? Jeremy: Why did you tell me to lie? Anna: Elena is Bonnie's best friend. She won't like what's going on between us Jeremy: What is going on between us? Ok, how are we able to touch? Vicki had to use magic to do that Anna: I don't know. Honestly, I have no idea Jeremy: This witch on the other side that gave Vicki her foothold, is she helping you now? Anna: What? No! I'm all alone, Jeremy, I told you that Jeremy: Swear to me Anna: I swear. I'm not any danger to you or anybody, I promise. Hey. I need you to believe me Jeremy: I shouldn't even be talking to you. This is not ok Anna: Then send me away. I'm only here because you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. Send me away, Jeremy. It's that easy Jeremy: I don't know why this is happening or when it's going to stop. But before it's done... I have to do this (He kisses her) [Abandoned House] (Caroline is lighting candles) Caroline: Ready? Do you need me to do... (Bonnie is already casting the spell) Caroline: Right. Ok (Bonnie is still casting the spell. There's wind) [Mystic Grill] (Alaric and Elena are inside) Alaric: I'll grab Jeremy Elena: I'll be right back (She goes toward the restrooms. Damon rejoins Alaric) Alaric: You know, I've had enough vampires today, thanks Damon: Oh, come on. Have a drink with me. We've got trouble Alaric: No, you've got trouble. See, we're not a team. You tried to kill me. All right? We're not friends. I don't like you anymore Damon: Ah! But remember back when you liked me and we conspired to kill Uncle werewolf Mason Lockwood? Alaric: Yeah, and? Damon: I think he's still a little pissed [Abandoned House] (Bonnie is still casting the spell. There's wind everywhere in the room. Everything moves) Caroline: Bonnie, I don't like this. Bonnie... (Suddenly someone grabs Bonnie's hands. It's her grandmother) Caroline: Oh, my God. Is that your... (Bonnie's shocked) Bonnie: Grams [Mystic Grill] (Elena enters the restrooms and sees Jeremy and Anna kissing) Elena: Anna? [The street] (Stefan is walking and suddenly sees Lexi) Stefan: Lexi! [Mystic Falls] (Damon and Alaric are at the bar. Mason arrives. They both can see him) Alaric: Mason Mason: God, I miss whisky (He drinks and then crashes the glass on Damon's forehead. Damon then looks at Alaric) Damon: Told ya [The street] (Stefan is with Lexi) Lexi: Hi Stefan: You're dead Lexi: Well, technically, so are you Stefan: Then how the hell can I see... Lexi: See me? Yeah, I have no idea. And I have no idea how long it's going to last, so let's get right to the point. You're off the rails. Big time Stefan: Look, I don't know how you're here, but you need to leave me alone, ok? Lexi: Now what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't help you out of this mess you're in? Stefan: I don't want your help Lexi: You know, you say that every time. "I don't want your help, I don't want to get better, leave me alone." Stefan: Well, maybe you should listen this time Lexi: Or maybe I should do this (She crashes his head against a car window. Stefan falls on the floor, unconscious) [Abandoned House] (Bonnie is looking at her grandmother. She's crying) Bonnie: I can't believe you're here! Sheila: Now stop your crying, we don't have time for tears (She looks at Caroline) Sheila: Nice to see you again, Caroline Caroline: Hi, miss Sheila (Sheila looks back at Bonnie) Sheila: A fine mess you've made, honey. The witches told you there'd be consequences to bringing Jeremy back and you did it anyway Bonnie: I didn't have a choice. I love him and I... I couldn't just let him go Sheila: I understand. But you cracked open the door to the other side. There's an old witch over here. She took advantage of it. She took advantage of you, honey. When you did that spell to send Vicki Donovan away, she wedged the door wide open. Giving a free pass to anybody with unfinished business Bonnie: How do you know this? Sheila: Witches talk. Even on the other side. Who do you think makes all the rules? Bonnie: What does the witch want? Sheila: That's original vampire business, not yours. I don't want you getting in the middle of that. I'm here because you upset the balance of nature. And it's your duty to set it right. You need to close that door [Mystic Grill] (Elena is in the restrooms with Jeremy and Anna. She's on the phone with Caroline) Elena: How do we do that? Caroline: Apparently the old witch can draw power from this side because of her talisman Elena: Talisman... My necklace? Caroline: It's some ju ju power source. And I know you're not going to like this, but Bonnie needs to destroy it Elena: I just walked in on Jeremy kissing the reason I'm completely ok with that Caroline: What?! Are you kidding? Elena: I wish. Look, I don't have the necklace. Damon has it somewhere. Text him. I'll call you right back (She hangs up and looks at Anna) Jeremy: Elena... Elena: You need to disappear or evaporate or whatever it is that you ghosts do Jeremy: Hey, it's not her fault Elena: You're right, it's yours. (Anna disappears) Elena: How did this happen? Jeremy: I don't know. Ok? I don't know. It just... it did. Elena, please. You can't tell Bonnie Elena: Don't worry. I'm going to let you do that. Right after I help her send the ghosts away (She gets out) (She goes out of the restrooms and runs into Lexi. Elena is surprised) Lexi: Looks like today was a good day to be thinking about me, Elena Elena: Lexi? Lexi: Mm-hmm. Come with me Elena: Where? Lexi: Ripper detox 101. Crash course (She catches her wrist) Elena: I... Lexi: I'm sorry, did you not just say how desperate you were for my help in saving Stefan's life? (Elena turns her head and looks at the restrooms doors and then looks back at Lexi) Elena: Let's go (She leaves with Lexi) (Damon is sending a text) Damon: I am never going to hear the end of that damn necklace (Mason is still there, drinking) Mason: One of you will pay for this, right? Cheers Damon: Let's get to it. I killed you. You want revenge. Get in line Mason: Actually, I want an apology (Alaric laughs) Alaric: Good luck with that Damon: Don't you have a family to haunt? You know your nephew has turned into a mindless hybrid Minion Mason: That's why I'm here. To help Tyler Damon: Well, sorry to break it to you, buddy, but Tyler can't be helped. At least not while Klaus is alive. Which is, like, always Mason: Not necessarily. Not if you found a weapon that could kill him Damon: There is no weapon that... What do you know? Mason: I know you need to apologize Damon: You got to be kidding me Alaric: Are you incapable of remorse? Just apologize! Damon: You're right. I didn't have to kill you. I do a lot of things I don't have to do (Mason laughs) Mason: That's good enough (He gets up) Mason: Meet me at the old Lockwood cellar. Bring a shovel. And come alone Damon: What, you're going to bury me alive? Mason: Don't tempt me (He leaves. Damon looks at Alaric) [City Jail] (Stefan is tied to a chair. Elena and Lexi are looking at him) Lexi: Klaus really did a number on him, huh? Elena: He compelled him to turn off his humanity Lexi: Well, we're just going to have to convince him to turn it back on. I have to warn you, it's not going to be pretty Elena: I can handle it (Lexi kicks Stefan) Lexi: Wake up, sleepyhead (Stefan wakes up) Lexi: How you feelin'? (He looks at the chair and the chains) Stefan: What is this? Let me out of here! Lexi: Shh. Inside voices, please. I'm trying to get inside your head Stefan: Elena. Get rid of her, please Elena: No Lexi: First step, drying him out. Starve away the blood lust. Strip away the temptation Stefan: This isn't going to work, Lexi. You can't do this Lexi: You heard the not pretty part? Elena: I heard you (Lexi looks Stefan in the eyes) Stefan: What are you doing? (He suddenly doesn't seem fine. His arms and hands change Stefan: What are you doing, Lexi?! Lexi: Doing what I do best, sweetness. I'm saving your life [SCENE_BREAK] [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Mason is lighting a lantern. Damon arrives with a shovel) Mason: I'm surprised you showed Damon: You put a snag in my only other Klaus lead. So I'd say I'm highly motivated Mason: Mikael? Yeah. That didn't turn out so great, did it? Damon: How do you know so much? Mason: There's not much to do on the other side but sit around and watch other people screw things up Damon: What are we looking for? Mason: There's an old Lockwood family legend about a weapon that can kill an original vampire. Like the rest of their secrets, they kept it buried (He tries to break a wall with the shovel but it doesn't work) Damon: Oh, come on, give me the thing. Move (He takes the shovel and uses his vampire strength to break the wall. He breaks it quickly. They both look in the hole) Mason: Go for it. Damon: You first Mason What, you think I'm leading you into a trap? Damon: The thought crossed my mind (Mason enters first. Damon follows him) [City Jail] (Stefan is really not okay) Stefan: I'm starving. I'm starving. I'm starving! Let me out! Let me out. Please let me out Elena: What's happening? Lexi: He's hallucinating. That's three months without any blood Stefan: Let me out! Lexi: Now he's at nine months (Stefan is worse and worse) Lexi: Two years... Five Stefan: Did I ever tell you how glad I am that you're dead? Lexi: Oh. I missed you, too, friend (Elena's phone rings. She goes outside the cell) Elena: Hello? Caroline: So the necklace isn't where Damon said it would be and now we can't reach Damon Elena: Listen, I need you to get Bonnie to hold off on sending the ghosts back Caroline: What?! But you said you were in full support of getting rid of them Elena: I was. I am. Look, Lexi's here and she's helping with Stefan Caroline: Ok, let's just find it first and then we'll choose between boyfriend ghost dramas [Salvatore's House] (Caroline hangs out. Bonnie looks at her) Bonnie: What are you talking about? Caroline: Um...Lexi's back, so Elena wants us to hold off on destroying the necklace Bonnie: You said boyfriend dramas. Plural. What is it, Caroline? Caroline: Elena caught Jeremy kissing Anna Bonnie: What? Caroline: I'm sorry Bonnie: He kissed her? Caroline: She's got a foothold now, so she probably thinks that she's here to stay. But you and I, Bonnie, we're going to find that necklace. Ok? Bonnie: Okay [The town's square] (It's the illuminations night. There's people everywhere. Jeremy is looking for Anna) Jeremy: Anna! Anna! (He runs into Frederick, the tomb vampire) Jeremy: Sorry. Hey, man sorry about that (He continues searching for Anna) Frederick: No problem, buddy (Carol rejoins Alaric) Carol: Have you seen Tobias Fell? He's supposed to do the lighting ceremony Alaric: No (Frederick rejoins Anna) Frederick: Well, well Anna: Frederick? Frederick: If it isn't pearl's daughter. Little Annabelle (Carol begins her speech) Carol: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Fell seems to have been detained, so the history department's very own Mr. Saltzman has agreed to fill in (Everyone applause. Alaric goes toward the stage. Jeremy calls Anna. She turns her head) Frederick: Still hanging around the Gilbert kid, huh? I guess you forgot the fact that his family killed you and your mother (Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: There you are. Is everything all right? Frederick: Ask your ancestors Anna: What are you doing here, Frederick? (Two men rejoins him) Frederick: Well, it's a founder's celebration. And we... (He looks at the two men) Frederick: Have got some unfinished business with the founding families (Alaric begins his speech) Alaric: On behalf of Mystic Falls high school historical society, let's light 'em up (The lanterns are enlightened. Everyone screams 'cause Tobias Fell is dead and his body is hanging on a tree. Anna looks at Frederick. He smiles) [City Jail] (Stefan is in bad shape) Stefan: Elena, Elena. I'm hurting. Please help me Lexi: Don't listen. Shut him out Elena: I am helping you, Stefan Stefan: I'll do anything. I'll change. I promise Lexi: It's a lie. He'll say anything right now Stefan: Elena, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just make it stop. Please, just make it stop Lexi: You have to separate yourself from your emotions. Don't let him play with them Stefan: Hey, look at me. Look at me (Elena looks at him) Stefan: Elena. I love you, ok? I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much, Elena Elena: I'm sorry, Stefan, I just don't believe you Stefan: You know what? I don't want your help, anyway. I wish I'd never met you. Every single moment that I've spent with you has been a complete and total waste Lexi: You see that? That's the ripper talking. Once he's weak enough, you have to cause him pain. Make him feel things. Anger, rage, anything. You have to make him see past the blood. (She drives a stake through his body) Lexi: Think of it as a regimen. Day in and day out. Like running the treadmill. Like making coffee. Until he's ready to be saved Stefan: I will rip you apart, Lexi! Lexi: You can't. I'm already dead (She drives the stake through his body again) Elena: I can't... (She leaves. Lexi looks at her) (Elena goes out and sees the police and the paramedics are taking a body [Salvatore's House] (Caroline and Bonnie are looking for the necklace everywhere. Including in the soap bowl in Damon's bathroom) Caroline: Ugh! I give up. It's not anywhere in this room (Bonnie's phone rings. It's Jeremy. Bonnie's not happy so Caroline answers) Caroline: What do you want, Jeremy? Jeremy: Caroline? Did you find that necklace? Caroline: Not yet. Wait, what's going on? Jeremy: Ghosts of the tomb vampires killed Tobias Fell. You might want to find that necklace before they start going alphabetically through the founding families Caroline: Well, it's not where it's supposed to be. Unless someone took it Jeremy: Who? Caroline: Well, who do you think? (Jeremy looks at Anna) Anna: I didn't Jeremy: She said she didn't take it Caroline: Oh, and you believe her Anna: I didn't take it, Jeremy Jeremy: You know what, yeah, yeah, I do believe her Caroline: You know what, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought. So wake up, Jeremy, before you lose everything (She hangs up) [The Town Square] (Jeremy turns himself. Anna's not here. He looks all around him. Elena rejoins him) Elena: Jeremy? What happened? [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Damon and Mason are walking through the hidden part of the cellar) Damon: I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your motives are deceptively pure Mason: You talk the talk, but I know you'll do anything for your brother. You won't screw me over as long as we have the same agenda Damon: I'm supposed to believe you're not going to screw me over? (They stop. There's different directions) Damon: All right. Which way? Mason: I don't know. Flip a coin Damon: Aren't you supposed to be all-knowing? Mason: I'm a ghost. I'm not God. Go left (Damon goes but there's nothing) Damon: Or not Mason: You have trust issues. Anyone ever tell you that? (Damon continues but stakes goes through his body. There's vervain in it. Mason leaves) Damon: Yo. Help a brother out? Mason? [The town Square] (Elena and Jeremy are talking) Elena: Where is Anna now? Jeremy: I don't know, ok? I don't even know for sure if she took the necklace Elena: She was the only person who heard us talking about it. Of course she took it. Ok? We have to get it back. We have to destroy it and then close the door Jeremy: I know, but... Elena: But what? What, Jer? Jeremy: I can touch her, Elena. I can kiss her again. And I know it's wrong, and I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I love her. I've always loved her Elena: But it's not real. She's dead. Gone. Everything that you're hold on to is in the past, Jer. Are you going to love a ghost for the rest of your life? (She watches over Jeremy's shoulder. Anna's here) Elena: He's at the beginning of his life, Anna. You're just holding him back. You know that (Anna shows them the necklace. She has it in her hands. Elena looks at Jeremy) Elena: Call Bonnie. Tell her that you have the necklace. Get her to send the ghosts away (She leaves. Jeremy looks at Anna) [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Damon still has the stakes in his body. Mason comes back with o shovel) Damon: Oh, I'm having a bad day Mason: Sorry. Thought you might need this (He breaks the stakes with the shovel and removes them) Mason: You're welcome Damon: What's your game, man? I killed you. I jammed my fist into your chest. I ripped your heart out. There's no way this whole buddy-trust act is real Mason: You know what the other side is like? We're all alone. We watch the people we left behind and we regret our decisions. That's it. Look, I can't change what happened to me. But maybe I can change what happens to Tyler. I don't need revenge, Damon. I need redemption [Bonnie's car] (Caroline and Bonnie are in her car. Caroline just hang up her phone) Caroline: Jeremy's got the necklace. He's going to meet us at the witch house Bonnie: Ok. What's going on up there? (She stops. Carol Lockwood's car Is against a tree. She's unconscious) Caroline: It's Mrs. Lockwood's car (Frederick and other tomb vampires go toward the car) Caroline: Bonnie? I'm going to get out of the car Bonnie: What?! Caroline: And you're going to drive the hell away from here Bonnie: No way! I am not leaving you! Caroline: Bonnie, you've got your ghost boyfriend drama. Elena has hers. And right now the mother of mine is about to be ghost bait. So go and send them all back to the other side, ok? (Caroline goes out of the car. Bonnie leaves. Frederick looks at Caroline and smiles. Caroline vamps out and goes toward him) [The town square] (Jeremy and Anna are talking) Jeremy: This spell is just going to break your foothold, right? You'll still be here, I'll still be able to see you. This... this doesn't have to be good-bye Anna: No. But it should be. Elena was right. I'm holding you back Jeremy: Anna... Anna: I'm sorry I took the necklace (She cries) Anna: with all the tomb vampires out, that maybe... Jeremy: You might find your mother Anna: I don't know where she is, Jeremy. I don't know if she's moved on and found peace, or if there's even any peace to be found Jeremy: Hey, there is, Anna. Ok, there has to be. I believe that, ok? Anna: I just... I don't want to be alone anymore (He embraces her she cries) Jeremy: You're not going to be alone. I'm not going to let you be alone (She gives him back the necklace. He looks at her for a while and finally leaves) [City jail] Lexi: Quit fighting me, Stefan. I know you're in there Stefan: Not anymore, Lexi (Elena comes back) Lexi: You know you say that every time. Until I make you feel again (She drives a stake through his stomach) Stefan: You wasted your whole life taking care of me. Now you're dead and you still have nothing better to do Elena: We're running out of time Lexi: You've got to get me more Elena: I can't Lexi: No! No... not until I break through Elena: I can't, Lexi. They have a necklace. They're going to close the door (Lexi looks at Stefan) Lexi: The necklace. Ok. That necklace. At least tell me you remember how you felt about that. You found it during your darkest time. And you said, when you made it through, that that necklace represented hope Stefan: Ironic, then, that it's about to be blown to pieces [Old Lockwood Cellar] (They're still walking through the caverns. Mason arrives at the end but Damon can't go on. He's blocked) Damon: God! This is not happening Mason: What now? Damon: I can't get through. It's like I'm not invited in. Wait! Mason: I'm not stopping just 'cause you're stuck. I'll let you know what I find Damon: Yeah, but... Mason: Looks like you're gonna have to trust me [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Bonnie puts fire in the chimney and enlights candles with her powers. Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Bonnie! (She's not happy to see him. He shows her the necklace. She takes it and throws it in the chimney. She begins to cast a spell. Her grams rejoins her, takes her hand and helps her cast the spell. The necklace burns) [The street] (carol wakes up and sees Caroline fight with the ghosts of the tomb vampires. Frederick strangles her but he suddenly disappears. She looks around her) [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Mason is looking at the wall and seems amazed) Damon: So? What'd you find? Mason: It's in... (He disappears) Damon: No, no, no, no. No, where'd you go? Mason, Mason! [City Jail] (Lexi raises her head and then looks at Elena) Lexi: He's still in there, Elena. You just have to break through Elena: It's ok, Lexi, I know what to do now. You can be free (She smiles, looks at Stefan and disappears) [The street] (Anna is walking alone in the streets, sad when she suddenly sees her mom) Anna: Mama? (Pearl cries. They rush toward each other. They cry and embrace each other. They disappear together) [Abandoned House] (The necklace has melted down) Sheila: You are stronger than all of this. I'm so proud of you (Bonnie shed tears and Sheila disappears) [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Damon is sitting. Alaric arrives) Damon: You're here. It's about time Alaric: Didn't have anyone else to call? Damon: No, actually, I don't. 'Cause I need a non-vampire to get in the cave, and other than Elena, you're pretty much the only one I trust Alaric: Well, you have a crappy way of showing that Damon: Look, if Mason Lockwood can get over the fact that I killed him, can't you cut me a little slack, Ric? Alaric: I shouldn't have to get over it. I was your friend, Damon. You shouldn't have done it in the first place Damon: Well! Sometimes... I do things I don't have to do Alaric: You're going to recycle that same crap ass apology you gave Mason Lockwood? Damon: Yeah. Well... I didn't mean it with him (He smiles. Alaric looks at him and then looks at the whole) [City Jail] Stefan: So what are you going to do, Elena? You just going to stand there? Waiting for me to dry out? Elena: No, I'm going to go home, take care of my brother. Be a friend to Bonnie and everything else that I have to do Stefan: That's good for you. You know, I was wondering when you were going to give up. Lexi gave you... enough of a glimpse into your tragic future Elena: I haven't given up, Stefan. I still have hope. But there's nothing that I can do until you get yours back. (She touches his face) Elena: Hey. You can break through this. Fight for it. Feel something. Anything, Stefan. Because if you don't, you're going to lose me forever. I won't love a ghost for the rest of my life (She locks the door and leaves) [Abandoned House] (Bonnie is crying, looking at the chimney) Jeremy: Bonnie... Bonnie: Just go away, Jeremy Jeremy: I owe you an explanation Bonnie: Matt let go of a sister before you let go of Anna. His sister, Jeremy. You know what you owe me? The respect of not making me listen to you explain yourself Jeremy: I am sorry, Bonnie Bonnie: You need to go Jeremy: But... Bonnie: Just go, Jeremy (He leaves. There's a noise in the chimney. She goes closer and sees that the necklace is normal again) [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Alaric goes where Mason was before. Damon can't still pass) Damon: So was Mason screwing with me, or is there something in there? (Alaric looks everywhere) Damon: Ric. Ric (Alaric looks at the wall and is amazed) Alaric: I found something Damon: What is it? (There's a lot of drawings on the wall) Alaric: I have no idea	Plan: A: ghost form; Q: What form does Mason take when he tortures Damon? A: Bonnie; Q: Who does Damon tell about Mason torturing him? A: Elena; Q: Who decides to live her life while she waits for Stefan to decide he wants to hope for the future again? A: Lexi; Q: Who did Elena ask Jeremy to contact to help bring Stefan back? A: Stefan; Q: Who does Elena want to bring back to humanity? A: Jeremy; Q: Who kisses Anna? A: the ghosts; Q: Who does Bonnie try to send away but instead gives them physical form? A: physical form; Q: What does Bonnie give the ghosts when she tries to send them away? A: Anna; Q: Who took the necklace that sent the vampires back? A: Grams; Q: Who tells Bonnie that she needs to restore balance to nature? A: Alaric; Q: Who finds mysterious cave drawings? A: the Grill; Q: Where do Damon and Alaric meet Mason? A: an apology; Q: What does Mason want from Damon? A: Tyler; Q: Who does Mason want to help? A: a weapon; Q: What does Mason tell Damon he knows where to find that can kill Klaus? A: the founding families; Q: Who do the tomb vampires attack? A: a secret cave; Q: Where does Mason show Damon the story of the Originals? A: the Originals; Q: What story is in the cave Mason shows Damon? Summary: Mason, in ghost form, chains Damon up and tortures him. Damon tells Bonnie about Mason torturing him. Elena realizes she needs Lexi to help bring Stefan back and asks Jeremy to contact her. As Bonnie tries to send the ghosts away but instead gives them physical form, Jeremy kisses Anna and Elena sees them. Bonnie is reunited with Grams who tells her that she needs to restore balance of nature. Damon and Alaric see Mason at the Grill who says he wants an apology and to help Tyler. Stefan sees Lexi who tries to help him find his humanity by working with Elena. Mason tells Damon that he knows where to find a weapon that can kill Klaus, so they search for it buried underneath the Lockwood estate. The tomb vampires return and attack the founding families. Anna took the necklace that sends the vampires back but gives it back to Jeremy. Bonnie sends all the ghosts away. Just before that, Mason shows Damon a secret cave containing the story of the Originals but disappears before he can tell Damon what was inside. Lexi disappeared before Stefan turns back on his humanity and Elena decides to live her life while she waits for Stefan to decide he wants to hope for the future again. Bonnie realizes the necklace was not destroyed and Alaric finds mysterious cave drawings.
Ted's apartment Marshall: Well, I received another. Robin: What's there in the box? What there was in the boiiite?What there was in the boiiiiiite?! What there was in the boiiiiiiite?! Not bad eh? Nothing. I'm the idiot huh? What there was in the box? Ted: Since Lily and Marshall have their apartment, her mother keeps sending him old things she wants to get rid. Marshall: Well done 'man, right on target this time. I really needed the right arm of Himan, and this old book of Mad Libs.Pet went to fart to fart loud. This is good. Thank you 'man. The phone rings and Ted wins. Ted: Hello? Older woman: Ted Mosby? Ted: Yes. Elderly Woman: The window is open. Ted: What? Elderly Woman: The window is open. Ted: The window is open. Marshall: What are you waiting for? Ted, run! Ted puts his jacket over and out of the apartment. Ted: Lily, the window is open. Fight your way, watercourse Ted, run! He runs and then arrives at an apartment where a young woman comes out. Woman: Ted? Ted: Hey, Maggie. I was just, you know, hmm... How are you? Maggie: I think I'm fine. Actually no, I'm not well. I just broke up with my boyfriend. Ted: Oh, sorry for you. Wanna go out tonight? Maggie: Yes, of course. GENERIC The band is at McLaren's. Marshall: Come on, tell me that happened to you on time? Ted: I arrived! Robin: What's happening? What is this window? Ted: You see how everyone knows a person, and whatever happens, this person is perfect for you. Robin: My cats. Marshall: Lily. Barney: That girl over there. Ted: Well this girl was and still is Maggie Wilks. Marshall: We went to college together, she's great. Everybody liked him. Barney: Oh I know what we do here. Tell me when it stops. Ted: It was not the fact that Maggie was good. It was the... Marshall: It was the perfect girl next door. Ted: It was the perfect girl next door. And still is. All the guys who meet Maggie fall madly in love with her. And that's the problem. Since I know her, she has been single for only three short windows of time. Flashback Ted goes to Maggie. Ted: When she moved here and broke up with her boyfriend in college, I waited one month, not to go for the spare wheel. And the spare wheel well, he stayed two years. After their breakup, I have waited a week. Late again. She stayed with guys for 3 years. End flashback Ted: The third time, I was super fast. I got not even one hour after their breakup. The only thing she has made between the break and I arrived, it's down to her mail. Flashback Ted: Late again. And she went out with him four years. I would not let me have it again. So I begged her neighbor, Ms. Doglas, call me when she and David have broken loose. End flashback Ted: And now, a single and Maggie is available along the way to this bar right now. I made him take a taxi with a woman driver for there is no interaction with a man, so far. Barney: Even when I arrived here, she still will not touch with a man. I feel good tonight, this evening will be well. Marshall: This is my overalls. I wore this little baby, during high school. Robin: Hey, you were really a virgin before he met Lily. Marshall: It was not necessary. Lily: She's right baby, if you had worn it in college, even I would not have slept with you. And if you remember, I wanted to. Barney: No way, no one could sleep while wearing it. Challenge accepted. I, Barney Stinson, brilliant mind in an extraordinary body, this will overalls, and lie with a woman. Robin: I went out with this guy. Ted: Ok, game plan Maggie arrives, a few minutes of gathering and presentation, and everyone leaves us. This is my only chance, and I will not go wrong. Robin: You do not give a lecture tonight? Ted: Damn! Lily: Oh my God, good evening. Maggie arrives. Ted: I want you to Maggie Robin, my roommate. Maggie: Nice to meet you. Robin: Likewise. Ted: I completely forgot, I teach a class tonight. How would you like to come and see what happens during an architecture? Maggie: Ooh, not even a little. I'll stick with Marshall and Lily, that's fine. Ted: Super. Sit down, put yourself at ease. Relaxed, everything is relaxed. Listen, you want me to find the perfect girl for you so all together, it's her. Do not let a guy to approach her. No server to take our order, clean the table, and if it ignites, I want a female firefighter to extinguish. Marshall: I think that emergencies are taking applications like that. Ted: Marshall Good God, do what you need to keep single until my return. I pay the bill, but do not abuse. Ted leaves for his course. Marshall and Lily are in front of the toilet bar. Marshall: Target secure? Lily: Target secure. Marshall: Wow, weird, pulled out all the toilets at the same time. Lily: Let's go to the table all together. Marshall: Look at that, our table. Lily, a man: Get out! Barney arrives at the bar with the overalls of Marshall. Robin: Your challenge not interest me but you're cheating. Wear a suit under the overalls. Barney: No. They are called not on the shirt, or on t-shirts for wholesale repairing the car and my mother spent some time with her top. They are called overalls, and I can relate to what I want. Robin: Oh it does not tell you goodnight, he tells you how he feeds his horses. I could sit there and tell jokes Farmer on you all night. Challenge accepted. Ted can continue. Ted: Good evening, tonight we will quickly see the different bridges. There are 6 types of bridges, small, large, with suspension and three others. You land on each side and water in the middle. See you next week. Student: It was a course of 1 hour. Ted: Who wants to hear me talk about bridges for 1 hour? (All raise their hands) Really? At the bar, Marshall and Lily always watch Maggie. Lily: I just remembered how Ted is awesome. Maggie: Bizarre as drinking game. Barney: I offer you a drink? Robin: It was a big tractor 3-axis. Barney: What do I do? Architecture course Ted. Ted: One important thing to remember when designing a bridge. Student: Maggie? Ted: No. Finally yes. When you design a bridge remember: "Make Adjustments... Fetch energetically" ("Make Ajustments Energize Go Get It" Maggie acronym in English) Good advice in general too. Student: Professor Mosby, Maggie is someone special? Ted: No, I mean it's just that girl that interests me very long time.And tonight this is my chance to get away with it. Student 2: It's Good? Ted: Yes Jamie, she is very pretty. We can now finish the course. Betty? Betty: Maggie is finally free, but you Professor, are you ready for a serious relationship? Ted: Bluntly. I think. Perhaps. I dunno, you think what? In McLaren's... Marshall: Oh my God, I had totally forgotten that. Maggie: What is it? Marshall: A duty that day of my 15 years. Write a letter to your future you with a list of things you hope to do. "Dear Future Me..." Flashback In 1993, Marshall is in his room at his desk, dressed in his overalls and he writes. Marshall: "... you better drive a camaro or a super van. This is priority numero uno. And your ponytail should happen to you at the knees. You can always dunk course and change your name to "Vanilla Thunder". Your wife, girlfriend, 1m80, a great body and take care of yourself. " End flashback Marshall: Sorry darling. Lily: No problem, you just described your mother. Maggie: Continuous. Flashback Marshall: "You still wear overalls faded because it looks torn.And more importantly, you better save the world, and if you became a poor guy then throw yourself off a cliff, because you suck. And I "Licky boom boom down". End flashback Lily and Maggie laughs the last sentence of Marshall. Marshall: Yes that's right, it's hilarious, I became a business poor guy. I work for GNB, the bank most unhealthy existence. Maggie: Oh come on Thunder vanilla, everyone should grow up and get a job. Lily: I remember in college, Maggie wanted to be a marine biologist by day and tutor children in difficulty at night. What you ended up doing? Maggie: These things. Marshall rises. Lily: Baby, where you going? Marshall: I have to do something at work, it will not be long. Maggie: What did he? Lily: Oh no, I think he'll resign. Sorry Maggie, I have to go stop him. (Lily comes out in pursuit of Marshall, leaving Maggie alone. A man turns to Maggie) Ted I had to leave the bar but it's good she is with Robin. Ted: You're left with Maggie Robin? Robin: Relax, everything is under control. Ted: You do not understand, this girl is like a magnet to men... overkill. Robin: I know a little something about loving to men... you see me as one of those magnets that can not put a picture of your children on the fridge. But I am one of these magnets... that can pick up cars in scrap yards...! (Robin returns to the table where she finds a man with Maggie) Who is it? Maggie: Robin, this is a good friend of Jim's work. Robin: Oh, well... hello you! Jim, without looking at Enchanted! During Ted... Ted: What does mean to be ready? I thought I was ready last year and I was left on the altar. I'll be honest. I'm scared! Ok, Luis and Betty! Luis: We're all scared, Professor Mosby. Betty: Do not be afraid you did not know that it's something important? Ted: I mean, if you're not afraid you do not try your luck... and if you do not try your luck then... What are you doing? Not? Jamie: I think you're ready buddy. [SCENE_BREAK] At the bar, Maggie laughs with Jim and Robin watching. Maggie: You're too funny! Robin: Funny? I think it's hilarious. In fact, I liked so much that I think I'm pissed. Jim: I'd better go. I go to the first of this photo exhibition we talked about at work. I have a ticket if you want more? Robin: I'd love to! Ted is about to leave. Ted: Ok, I gotta go! Jamie: Just one last tip: M.A... All:... G.G.I.E! His phone rings. Ted: Hello? Robin: Ted, change of plans! She is out with Jim ready to take a taxi. Ted: You let him with Barney? Barney: Ted, will you calm down? I'm your pal! Ted: You're an animal! Barney: And I know our relationship has suffered in this area, I assure you I'll be the perfect gentleman. Maggie: Thank you! In fact, I love this bib! Barney: You have 10 minutes to get here, the window closes. Ted: 10 minutes? Barney: Yeah, because we're friends! Ted Short. Ted (2030): While I was running through the city to return to the bar, your Aunt Robin was doing his best to keep Jim away from Maggie. Robin is the photo exhibition with Jim. Jim: You could go to the bar, Maggie is still there? Robin: Oh, it's not possible! I love pictures of dogs ironic. You got it there with the dog Welsh dwarf who is a missionary? Jim: I'll take a taxi, I feel bad for leaving Maggie alone. Robin: And if you took a glass of wine first? (It shatters his glass on it voluntarily) Oooh boy! I'm dirty, it's me! I'm just a dirty, dirty girl... that would defeat the second base with a friend of a friend.Tui love it! It's pig! Jim: I'll call Maggie to see what it does. Robin: Oh my God, Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Leave her alone!Lord, she goes out with Ted tonight. Jim: Ted? And Devon? Robin: They have broken. Jim: Maggie is single? Robin: It tells me nothing! Jim hand and the server comes to Robin with a cloth to wipe her her dress. Server: I can remove it? Please? Ted, always current: I hate Barney Stinson! Voice: Me too! Ted (2030): Lily finally arrived at GNB. But the place was deserted. Lily Marshall is on a basketball court. Lily: Hey baby! I thought you came here to resign... I forgot the basket. Marshall: Yeah, I thought so... so I got to do something on this list I will feel more so old so I... I came here to dunk. Lily: Do it helped you feel better? Marshall: I just touches the bottom of the net. You know my legs are so bad that I have a hard time getting approved. In McLaren's... Barney: Really... Ted comes running at the bar. Ted: How could you? Barney: I'm challenged to have s*x with overalls. And if you stay on my path, then you let Barney win. And you do not want that!This place will never tell us the end of history. Jim: Thank God! Maggie! (Ted and Barney stops him) I love that girl. Ted: Put yourself on the line Bob! Barney: Yeah, I'll sleep with her. After, he'll tell her he loves her.And you can do... what you want. Is there agreement on the order? Robin, Jim: Sir! You just missed... the night of your life! The night... of your life. Jim: I'm in love with her for 5 years! Ted: I'm in love with her for 12 years! Barney: I wear this jumpsuit since 1:30! Marshall and Lily are always the basketball court. Lily: Maybe you can not dunk now. But you did more in 30 years that this 15 year old could have dreamed. You are a graduate of law. You had the good sense to cut you that stupid ponytail. And, you married this super bomb that is unlike any points to your mother. This entitles you to 30 cm less to dunk. (She drops a little basket) Go ahead Thunder vanilla! Marshall: remote! He rushes forward, touches the bottom of the net and falls. Lily: Oh, Baby! And if instead of going to dunk on your desk... you allongeras and I'd put the banana oil everywhere? Marshall: Sure baby. Why we would not do that here? Lily: Sure baby. At the Bar, Ted, Barney and Jim will argue that Maggie. Ted: Guys, guys, guys! We must fix that. Jim: We continue to negotiate until we have a very small window of opportunity. Barney: Guys, let me assure you that if you let me... the window will reopen in about 10 minutes. Ted: Wait, where is Maggie? Robin: She's gone! Ted: What? Robin: I told him to return. You were like vultures... fighting for his carcass. Let her be single for once. Jim: What enfoirée! Ted: Wait, she's right. Maggie deserves a little time for her.Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a break but... This is where we discover who we really are... and what you really want. She deserves it! Ted (2030): Children, I thought. That's why I'm not proud of what he was after... Ted runs out followed by Jim and Barney. Ted, in front of Maggie: It was after the corner! He knocks on the door behind him and Jim Barney. Ted: Oh, sorry, the course we had a little... Who is it? Maggie: It's Adam. It's crazy, we grew up together was not forced to see since... Adam: Very long time! Ted (2030):... That's when Maggie told us the second most beautiful love story I heard. Flashback We see the story of Maggie and Adam take place over the years. End flashback Adam: I just moved to town and I've grown up a bit. Maggie: I think you have much to catch up. Ted: Yeah, sure! Ted (2030): So the kids, I'm left with... the neighbor because the neighbor. Ted: Well... I'll see you next time! Ted (2030): There was never a next time. The window of Maggie never reopened. Barney: Well, I found! There are bars country, "the giddy ups", there are tons of guys in overalls. Copilot me! Ted: I do not want the "giddy ups." That's what I want. I had forgotten how it felt to seeking the real thing... but I think I'm ready again. Barney: Let me tell you where I am... I want to sleep with a girl in order to remove this jumpsuit. (From Ted) Go, go. You gotta help me, I have to remove this damn thing. Older woman: Hey you! I love your overalls! At the bar, Marshall wrote a letter to him his future. Marshall: Dear Marshall 60 years... Now you would work in a place that contributes to a better world. Or at least you try. No pressure man! I mean, sir. So... If time travel is possible, could you give me a little sign? Tuesday, December 8 at 8:29 p.m..... Lily: Someone sent these chicken wings because they were too hot. I do... too hot, you're crazy? So chicken wings free. Marshall: Old Marshall, as long as you're married to Lily you'll be fine. Waitress at the old Marshall: Sir, it is for us. Sorry that the wings were so hot. Old Marshall: Oh dear, it's not that they were too hot. It's just that I've ever had before. Much earlier!	Plan: A: Maggie; Q: Who is the girl next door that Ted has wanted to date for years? A: JoAnna Garcia; Q: Who played Maggie? A: her latest boyfriend; Q: Who has Maggie broken up with? Summary: Maggie ( JoAnna Garcia ), a girl next door that Ted has wanted to date for years, has suddenly broken up with her latest boyfriend, giving him and other guys a chance to score with her.
Aired: 30/01/2003 [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Chandler: Hey! Ross: Yeah! Yeah! OK! Sure! Look! Can we...can we talk about what happened here last night? Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who ever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!! Ross: OK you...you really don't know what I am talking about? Chandler: No! Ross: OK! Last night after the party I saw Rachel kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony. Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said "No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will" Ross: Right that's why I came over to talk about. Hum...I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony, even though there were NO LIGHTS ! Chandler: So are you gonna...talk to her? Ross: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine! Chandler: You know when "That's fine" sounds true when someone yells it and spits! Ross: No I'm serious. I mean she wants to date people? Fine! I don't care but...at least she could have told me. You know I...I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma but if she wants to go out there kissing guys she barely knows, then so will I ! Very funny! Ross is gay! Ah! Ah! Chandler: No no no. Good. So you're moving on? Do you have any idea where you're moving? Ross: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me. And then the other day on the subway a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand. Chandler: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life! Ross: Well, and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmental Potluck dinner. Chandler: Why did I get married?! [Opening Credits] [Scene: Central Perk] Joey: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks I should have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy? Phoebe: Well it depends. Joey: On...? Phoebe: On how far along he's in the s*x change process! Monica: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to, your eyebrows are... Joey: Ok! Stop it you guys! Stop staring! You're freaking me out! Phoebe: Your knuckles are kinda hairy too... Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?! Phoebe: Wow! Talking about high maintenance Joey: Hey hey! You dye your hair! Phoebe: I'm a woman! Joey: Arghhh! Double standards! Phoebe: Oh before I forget, are you coming to Mike's piano bar tonight? Monica: Only if I don't have to get up and sing. Phoebe: But everybody sings. It's so much fun! Last time this adorable old man got out there, forgot all of the words, flipped out and everyone booed him off the stage. So funny. Monica: It's just, I'm not good at singing. Phoebe: Oh! What's the matter? Are you scared? You're afraid I'm a better singer? You're afraid I'm gonna beat you at singing? Monica: No no, it's not working on me. Wow! I must be growing up! Phoebe: OK fine! Please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing. Monica: So I don't have to sing and I can just sit there and pass judgments on others? Phoebe: While drinking... Monica: I'm there! Rachel: Hi guys! Listen I really need your help. I think I did something really stupid. Phoebe: Well yes Rachel but you got something so beautiful out there Rachel: No not that. I kissed Gavin last night. Phoebe: Oh my god. Monica: You kissed him? Rachel: Yeah. It was after the party, we were on the balcony and... Monica: Wait wait wait. I was at home the whole time. How did I missed that? Phoebe: It was the end of the party, you were probably ironing wrapping paper. Monica: Oh yeah...So how did you end up kissing? Rachel: You know we were all alone and he was being really nice to me and, oh and he gave me this scarf... Monica: I thought you hated him? Rachel: You know honey, there is a thin line between love and hate, and it turns out that line...is a scarf! Monica: So are you thinking of starting up something with this guy? Rachel: I don't know. It's so complicated. I work with this guy, you know, I have the baby, and I have Ross, and I just...I don't know what to do and I have to be at the office and see Gavin in ten minutes. Monica: Sounds like you need to think about what you want, talk to Gavin, and you definitely should talk to Ross Rachel: Or...I could call in sick and not deal with it at all... Phoebe: Wow! Five-month maternity leave, you're back for four days, kiss a co-worker, call in sick, they are lucky to have you!! [Scene: Beauty salon] Salon girl: Hi Joey: Hey. I'm here for my eyebrow appointment. Salon girl: Name? Joey: Chandler Bing. Salon girl: Ok. Very good. Have a seat right over here Mr. Bing and Sonia will be right with you. Joey: OK Thanks. (Joey touches the hot wax). I touched the stuff Sonia: I'll take care of it Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here? Sonia: Oh absolutely. Joey: Oh good... Sonia: Are you looking to meet somebody? Joey: All right let's just do this. Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit... Joey: Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face!! I'm all right! I'm all right! Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK (He tries to avoid the tweezers) Dammit! Woman!! How Hoooow! [Scene: Central Perk] Chandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the moving on going? Ross: Not well. I went on the subway again and someone did sit on my hand but that person was neither female nor wearing pants. Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times, two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself.... Ross: That's funny...Do you think you'll ever work again? Chandler: What are doing? You know I can only dish it out! Ross: I can't believe Rachel just moved on and didn't say anything to me Chandler: Maybe she didn't move on, you know...maybe that kiss was just an impulsive one-time birthday thing Ross: No no, about a month ago she gave her number to some guy in a bar. Chandler: Did she go out with him? Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away. Chandler: Ah! The high road... Ross: You know what? Enough! Enough talking! I have to get moving! Hey check out those two blondes over there! Hey come with me! Chandler: Are you trying to get everybody divorced? Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it is the two of us, like college, remember? You...you break the ice with some kind of jokes so that they know you're the funny one and I swoop in with some interesting conversation, so they'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one... Chandler: I thought I had to make the jokes! Ross: Don't you have to be at work? Chandler: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!! Ross: Hum...So...hum...Oh hey I noticed you were reading the paper...another flood in Europe? Here's a question: "Would you... would you rather drown or be burnt alive?" Blonde girl: Sorry...we were just leaving Chandler: We still got it! [Scene: Ross'] Rachel: Who is it? Gavin: Gavin! I brought you some soup. Rachel: Why? Gavin: I heard you were sick... Rachel: Oh! Right! Yeah! Hold on, I'll be just clean up in here a little bit! Hello Gavin Gavin: I missed you at work today. How are you feeling? Rachel: I a not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick Gavin: Oh! Good! Because I was having a totally paranoid moment when I thought you called in sick to avoid me. Rachel: Oh no no no Gavin: So I had fun last night Rachel: So did I Gavin: Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? I mean is it a cold for standing on the balcony or did a monkey bite you? Rachel: It's just a cold Gavin: Do you have fever? Let me see. Hum... Rachel: What? What's the matter? Gavin: What's Ross doing to you on that picture? Rachel: Oh he's dusting me with a fossil brush. He thought it would be funny. Gavin: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anything Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really. (She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide! Gavin: Yeah! But you said not to worry about... Rachel: I lied! And I'm not sick! Just stay behind the curtain! Molly: Hi! Rachel: Oh! Molly! You're not Ross. Molly: No I'm here to take Emma to your mother's, remember? Rachel: Right, right, yes! Molly: Don't panic! Rachel: What? Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse. Rachel: No! That's OK! That's OK! That's OK! No no no no! This is my business associate Gavin. He's just being silly. Gavin come out from behind that curtain! Gavin: Hi! Gavin! Please to meet you. It was my idea to stand there. Molly: Hello! I just go and get Emma. Rachel: OK. Gavin: So hum...Why did I have to hide? Rachel: I thought it was Ross. Gavin: So what if it was? I thought there was nothing going on between you two... Rachel: There isn't. There is totally isn't. Gavin: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be a rodeo clown. Rachel: All right. Look. Gavin...I...I guess I felt guilty that you were here, which I shouldn't. You know Ross and I are not in any relationship but...he is the father of my child, and you know we do live together and plus there is just so much history...you know it's just...I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm just all over the place. Gavin: It's OK. I know it's probably not my place but can I give you a piece of advice? Rachel: Yes Gavin: I think you should talk to Ross about all this. Rachel: People keep saying that. Oh I'm sorry Gavin Gavin: Don't be. It's just bad timing. Rachel: So seriously...rodeo clown? Gavin: One of the best, ma'am, one of the best... [Scene: Mike's piano bar] Phoebe: "No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world...!" Thank you! (Mike kisses Phoebe) Mike: Oh she's my girlfriend. That's not just how we do it here. I got to get a break and when we come back we've got Kenneth singing "I touch myself"...I'm not here to judge! Phoebe: Hi hi...Oh you have got to sing. Monica: No I told you I can't. Phoebe: But you would have so much fun and you have a really nice voice. Monica: What have you heard me sing? Phoebe: All the time when you're cooking. Monica: What? Phoebe: Yeah you're always singing "Yummy yummy yummy, I've got love in my tummy" Monica: Yeah I do rock that one. Phoebe: OK so isn't there a little part of you that wants to get up there? Monica: Just a little but...it's just so scary! I don't even know what I would sing... Mike: Well I've got a book around... Monica: "Delta Dawn" [Scene: Central Perk] Ross: Hi! I could help not notice, but that's an unusual necklace Woman: You already hit on me an hour ago Ross: Right, so that's a firm "no". I cannot believe this, I just keep striking out. Chandler: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killed Ross: This is great. Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys until she finds the one she wants and I'm gonna die alone. Chandler: By drowning or...?! Michelle: Why would he break up with me? Her friend: I don't know sweetie. Michelle: All I ever wanted was just love him and have him love me back. I mean, am I so unlovable? Chandler: Well... Ross: I know! (he stands) [Scene: Piano bar] Mike: All right, that was Kenneth with his much too literal rendition of "I touch myself". Coming up next we've got Monica singing "Delta Dawn". Monica: Wait wait! I can't sing in front of all these people. Phoebe: Just pretend they're not even here! It's OK Monica, when that spotlight hits you it so bright you won't see anyone anyway. Monica: Hi! I'm Monica and I'm gonna be singing "Delta Dawn" "Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ..." Phoebe: Can you totally see through her shirt ? Mike: Like an X-Ray. Bad day not to wear a bra. Monica: "To take you to his mansion in the sky-y?" [Scene: Monica and Chandler's] Joey: Hey, I need your help. Chandler: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd? Joey: Look, I'll get new headshot taken, all right, so I want to get my eyebrows shaped Chandler: I am sorry, moment to make fun of that, please! Joey: You may be a sissy but I'll still (pound you out on ground). All right, it hurts so bad, I could only let her do one eyebrow and now... they don't match! Chandler: It's like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama! Joey: All right, look, you got to help me out, ok? Look, I have the magic marker, I want you to fill in the skinny one so I don't look stupid for my pictures. Chandler: Ok. First of all, this is green! Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do! Chandler: All right, I will help you out but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you. Joey: What, what. Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mine by plucking the eyebrows of my father and his "business" partners. Joey: Oh my God! Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess you don't need my help Victor Victoria! Joey: Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don't know if I can take anymore plucking. It hurts so bad! Chandler: Oh, not with my combination of ice cubes, aloe Vera and my gentle self-loathing touch. [Scene: Piano Bar] Monica: "Take me to the mansion in the sky-y". I am sorry, the song is over. Did you see me out there? Phoebe: Every little bit of you! Monica: I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I'm singing for the people, and they liked me! Hey, did you hear that one shouting "look at those tips"! I mean, did I really help you get a lot of tips? Mike: Sure. Phoebe: Mon', not that you didn't sound good, but... Monica: Good? Didn't you hear them...I was great! Thank you so much for making me do this. That's is the best gift ever. Mike: Also a good gift? Underwear. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Ross'] Michelle: Thank you so much for letting me do this. Public bathrooms freak me out, I can't even pee, let alone do anything else. Ross: But, what's great is that you don't mind talking about it. Michelle: It's so amazing I met you the same day that Eric broke up with me, because it's like you lose a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend. Ross: Uh-ah! Michelle: No don't worry, this is not some rebound thing. I am totally over Eric. Ross: (pfew). Good choice Ross. Rachel: Oh, hey! Hi, there you are, I've been looking for you everywhere! Ross: Oh, yeah, hello, well, now, here I am. Rachel: Listen, my mum is not bringing the baby back until nine o' clock. So I was hoping you and I could have a chance to kind of talk... somebody here? Ross: Oh, yeah, yeah that's Michelle. Rachel: Who? Ross: Oh, just this woman I've been seeing. Rachel: You've being seeing someone? Ross: Yeah, didn't I mention that? Yeah, I mean, we haven't being going out for too long, but rather there is this amazing connection between us. I-I mean, in fact just before you came in she called me her boyfriend. I thought it was a little too soon, but it was also, you know, it was kinda nice. Michelle: What are you taking amoxicillin for? Ross: How great is this? You are already comfortable enough to look through my stuff. Oh, I am sorry Michelle, that's my roommate, Rachel. Rachel: Hi, and I am also Emma's mother. Michelle: Ah, who is Emma? Ross: I told you about my daughter. Michelle: This is your daughter? I can be your new mummy! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's] Chandler: And done! Joey: Oh my God! I didn't feel a thing ! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles around that sadistic bitch at the saloon Chandler: Thanks. You wanna see what it looks like? Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing! Chandler: Yeah, yeah, I think it looks pretty good. I was a little worried I was uncovering a birthmark right about there, but it turned out to be a little piece of chocolate. Joey: Thank you so much. Chandler: No problem. Joey: Listen that's a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it. Chandler: Yeah. Joey: Comb my eyelashes. [Scene: Piano Bar] Monica: Ok, for my next song I think I'll sing something a little more upbeat. All right? Oh, how about the Pointer Sisters "I am so excited". And make it bouncy! Phoebe: Oh you'll probably take care of that on your hands. Chandler: I am sorry I am late. You'll understand when you'll see Joey. Monica: Honey, you're just in time, I'm about to sing another song! Chandler: Really? In front of all this people? Monica: And they love me! Chandler: Oh my God! Phoebe: Yes, she gives the people what they want. Monica: All right, watch! Monica: "Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen, tonight we'll put all other things aside. Give in this time and show me some affection..." Chandler: Are those my wife's nipples? Phoebe: Oh? Isn't that funny? I didn't see that before, I wouldn't have let her go up again. Chandler: I gotta stop this. Monica: Oh, who cares, they still love me! "I am so excited..." Chandler: You, touching yourself, out! [Scene: Ross'] Rachel: Wow. She does that a lot! Michelle: Ross, you didn't tell me you were a doctor! Rachel: What, what, wait a minute! You haven't even told her you were a doctor, yet? How long have you known her, like an hour? Michelle: Actually about an hour and a half. Ross: I told you it wasn't long, but there is an amazing connection between us. Michelle: You feel that too? Oh, I thought that was just me! Ross: Are you kidding? Michelle: Hey, do you want to go away this weekend? Ross: We'll see. Rachel: Ok, Ross, what's going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now? Ross: I don't know, are we just kissing guys on balconies? Rachel: How do you know about that? Ross: Through the magic of sight! I was here, putting our child to sleep... Michelle: Emma. Ross: When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what? A week? Rachel: Oh, that's what this is all about? Did you bring her up here to get back at me? Michelle: No, actually, see I had to pee, 'cause I can't use public bathrooms because the doodie parasites. Ross: Ok, Michelle, it's time to go. Michelle: Well, call me! Ross: Ok. Michelle: No, wait, you don't have my phone number! Ross: You know, if it's meant to be, I'll guess it. Bye, bye. Rachel: Score. Ross: Oh, I am sorry, did you not like her, because I was hoping that we could come to one of your kissing parties on the balcony. Rachel: Oh God, I can't believe you're making such a big deal about this. It was one kiss, one guy, one time! Ross: Oh, really! Rachel: Yeah. Ross: Oh, really! Rachel: Oh yeah. Ross: What about the guy from the bar? Rachel: What? Who? Ross: The guy you gave your number to. Rachel: Whoa, how do you know about that? Ross: Because he called here looking for you. So don't tell me this...this kissing this guy from work is a one time thing, ok? You've been out there in bars and on balconies for over a month now. And you didn't even have the courtesy to tell me. Rachel: Why didn't I get that message? Ross: What? Rachel: From the guy in the bar, why didn't I get that message? Ross: Because I folded it up and put in my pants pocket. Do you...do you not look there? Rachel: Ross? Ross: I never gave it to you. Rachel: Why? Ross: I don't know. Rachel: Oh God. You know what? Who you think you are? Who are you to decide what messages I should or should not get? Ross: Who am I? Rachel: Yes. Ross: I am the guy who's taking care of our baby while you're out at bars meeting guys! Rachel: Oh my God, I cannot believe this. You know I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation with you About us! But I can't do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment! Ross: None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me! That's not the point. Ok? The point is you...you are the one Who moved on and didn't tell anyone! Rachel: Oh, Ross, this is just so messed up! What's wrong with us? You know when people hear about our situation they Always ask, "what, you live together but you're not a couple? And you have a baby, isn't that weird?» And I say "No. You know what, it's not, because it works for us!» But you know this doesn't work. In fact this is the opposite of working! Ross: Uh, clearly. Rachel: And you know, we said that we would, we would live together as long as this makes sense. An maybe this, you know, Just doesn't make sense anymore. Ross: Yeah, maybe not. So what you wanna do? [Scene: Joey's] Joey: Hey! Rachel: Hi. Can Emma and I live here for a while? Joey: Ha, oh, of course. Rachel: Thank you. Joey: Your eyebrows look weird. [Ending Credits] Chandler: "Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine." So you just touch yourself for anything?	Plan: A: Phoebe; Q: Who urges Monica to sing at Mike's piano bar? A: The audience; Q: Who loves Monica because she is not wearing a bra? A: the spotlight; Q: What reveals Monica is not wearing a bra? A: her see-through blouse; Q: What is Monica wearing that makes the audience love her? A: paranoid Ross; Q: Who is angry that Rachel is moving on without telling him? A: a date; Q: What does Ross try to find after he thinks Rachel is moving on without telling him? A: their arrangement; Q: What is not working between Rachel and Ross? A: Emma; Q: Who does Rachel take with her when she moves back in with Joey? A: 30 minutes; Q: How long is this episode? A: the usual 22-23 minutes; Q: How long is the average episode of American Idol? Summary: Phoebe urges Monica to sing at Mike's piano bar. The audience loves her but only because the spotlight reveals she is not wearing a bra under her see-through blouse. Meanwhile, an angry, paranoid Ross is thinking Rachel is moving on 'without the courtesy of telling', then tries finding a date. Rachel, wanting to talk with Ross, realizes their arrangement is not working and moves back in with Joey, taking Emma with her. Note: This episode lasts for 30 minutes rather than the usual 22-23 minutes.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] CUE MUSIC: SPANISH MUSIC [EXT. STREET - DAY] (From the POV of a car driving by, we pass two kids walking along the sidewalk.) RESUME VIEW (A boy sits in the back of a truck with his sandy-colored dog. The boy knocks on the glass and motions for the people in the cab to raise the volume for the music on the radio. The driver increases the volume to the kid's satisfaction. He nods his approval and goes back to petting his dog.) (They continue passing by the town's shops and the people out for a morning walk.) (The truck continues to move down the road. The driver slows the truck down and pulls over curbside. The kid in the back of the truck jumps out and grabs a stack of papers from the back.) (The current paper is an issue of HOY with the headline, "Carreras Mortales".) (The boy opens the paper dispenser and puts in the paper.) (Various cuts of: People standing in front of a shop and a shop owner pulling in a display.) (Cut to: The truck pulls up curbside. The boy jumps out of the back of the truck and grabs a stack of papers. He puts the papers on top of the dispenser and takes out a coin. He puts the coin in the dispenser and opens the door.) (Inside is a severed head, bald and bloodied.) (The kid gasps.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CURBSIDE - STREET - DAY] (Catherine works at unscrewing the base of the paper dispenser with an electric power tool.) (Nick snaps photos of the other paper dispensers.) (A crowd has gathered right outside of the crime scene tape. They line the streets watching them work.) (Det. Sam Vega talks with the people watching.) Catherine finishes and the dispenser is raised off the sidewalk.) (The coroners carry the dispenser away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Doc Robbins carries the severed head and places it in a pan.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Dissolve to: Nick puts on a pair of latex gloves. Behind them in the lab is the paper dispenser. Camera pushes in on the blood spatter on the top-most paper, right under the headline: Carreras Mortales.) (Camera flashes of: Doc Robbins works on the head. He injects a syringe into the head.) (Back in the lab, Nick removes the stack of papers in the dispenser.) (Catherine holds the camera and watches Doc Robbins take a swab of the head's nose. She snaps a photo.) (Nick removes a wrapper from the dispenser. He drops a couple of coins on the lab table next to him.) (Catherine continues to snap photos as Dr. Robbins works. He opens the head's mouth and looks inside.) (With his forceps, he pulls out a long, thin, dead snake.) (Catherine's jaw drops at the sight.) (Dr. Robbins turns and looks at Catherine.) (Camera lingers on the dead snake.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins goes over the head with Catherine.) Robbins: Female, early 30s, Hispanic descent, vitreous potassium was 11.74 milli-equivalents per liter, so PMI's approximately six hours. Catherine: So time of death roughly 1:00 A.M. (Robbins nods.) Catherine: C.O.D.? Robbins: From what I got here, I can't tell you much. Minimal dilation in the pupils indicates decapitation was postmortem. (He points to the scalp.) Scalp shows naked follicles without hairs, no inflammation around them indicates removal was postmortem as well. Catherine: Ripped out in chunks. (Quick flash of: Hair being ripped out from the scalp. End of flash. Resume to present.) Robbins: Takes time and dedication to do something like that. Catherine: And a lot of hatred. So her eyebrows have been shaved off and drawn back on with eyeliner. I know that's popular among Latinos in 28th Street. She could be a banger or a girlfriend of one. Robbins: Well, either way, at least she took good care of her teeth. (Robbins hands her the victim's bridgework. On the inside is a set of numbers: Catherine: What is that, nine digits? Social Security number. Robbins: Dentists usually put on some form of identification on removable bridgework. It's better than a license plate. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Nick is working on the top-most newspaper. He's dusting for prints. He finds a couple of prints. He uses both his hands and motions as if placing the head in the middle of the paper. The sides of his hands are touching the paper.) (Quick flash of: The killer puts the head down on the paper, the sides of his hands touching the paper. End of flash. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nick and Catherine walk down the hallway as Nick reports to Catherine.) Nick: Pulled a couple of likely palm prints on the newspaper the head was on, but I don't think that's going to be our best bet. Catherine: Okay, start with those, but make sure you run the partials off the box as well 'cause I got Ecklie looking over my shoulder, so, uh ... Nick: Cover your ass. (Nick heads off in another direction.) Catherine: Yes. Nick: My pleasure. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. - DAY] (Jesse Menken examines the snake while Nick watches.) Jesse Menken: Large, elevated vertebral scales. Definitely not your typical U.S. Crotalus. Nick: Herpetologists always throwing the Latin around. What's wrong with just calling him "rattlesnake"? Jesse Menken: My specialty, my jargon. Stripes at the base of the neck makes it crotalus simus, indigenous to southern coastal Mexico. Nick: Apparent Mexican vic on a Mexican newspaper with a Mexican snake. You don't find a whole lot of these buzz-worms around Vegas anyway, do you? Jesse Menken: Nowhere outside a zoo. These snakes like to burrow in damp soil. They like it hot and humid. We're hot and dry. For a snake, big difference. Nick: What are the chances that thing just crawled in their on its own? Jesse Menken: (scoffs) In a newspaper dispenser in the middle of a desert city? No way. I think it was dead when it was shoved down the victim's throat. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. ROOFTOP PARKING LOT -- NIGHT ] (Warrick walks toward the crime scene.) Brass: The only car up here. Security called it in. Warrick: Is that a handicap van? Brass: Dead guy's in the driver's seat. Warrick: Any witnesses? Brass: Nope. And no surveillance either. We ain't on the strip, baby. Five hundred bucks and a Nevada license. Vincent Decarlo, 28. (Warrick takes the bag with the ID information inside from Brass. He puts his kit down near the open front passenger door.) (Inside, David Phillips takes down the body stats.) Warrick: It's an expensive-looking Italian suit just to be a chauffeur. (Warrick checks the back of the van.) Warrick: It's a wheelchair. Any indication he's handicapped? (David Phillips looks.) David Phillips: He's not wearing prosthetics and his soles are worn. Warrick: Somebody's missing their wheels. David Phillips: Gunshot wound to the head. Looks like it came through the windshield. (They both turn and look at the hole in the windshield. Outside, Sofia appears on the hood and examines the hole in the windshield.) Sofia Curtis: Crater on the windshield faces out. Which means that the shot came from inside the van. (She looks at the gun hole and notices that it lines up with the wheelchair in the back of the van.) (Sofia visualizes what happened.) CGI VIEW (Backward motion. The hole in the windshield slowly fixes itself.) (A gun fires.) (The virtual bullet breaks through camera frame and heads for the windshield.) (Close-up: From the outside of thewindshield, the bullet bursts through the glass.) (End of CGI slow motion. Resume to present.) (Warrick looks at Sofia, surprised to see her there.) Sofia Curtis: Swing's tapped out. Catherine asked if I could lend a hand. Warrick: Thanks. (Sofia walks around to the back of the van.) (Warrick notices a spot of blood on the victim's lapel.) Warrick: You see that blood spot on the lapel? It's inconsistent with the head wound. To avoid cross-contamination, you think you could cut that out for me? David Phillips: Oh, sure. (Sofia climbs in to the back of the van and looks at the dead body from behind.) Sofia Curtis: Possible GSR. (Quick close-up to: The GSR on the back of the chair.) Sofia Curtis: Which means the shot was fired from the wheelchair. Warrick: How'd he shoot him in the face? Sofia Curtis: Hey, Vinnie. (Quick flash of: Vincent Decarlo turns around to look behind. End of flash.) (Sofia holds out her index finger as if holding a gun pointed at the driver. She mimics shooting the gun at the driver.) (Quick flash of: Vincent Decarlo is shot and the bullet exits out the front windshield.) (End of flashes. Resume to present.) Warrick: So we got a guy who fired a shot from a wheelchair and then escaped on foot. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEW YORK CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT [INT. JUAREZ RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Det. Sam Vega shows Nick and Catherine into the apartment.) Det. Sam Vega: Social came back on the dental work of Veronica Juarez. No immediate family in the states. Apartment's leased in her name. (He picks up a framed photo off the nearby shelf.) Catherine: Well, that's why bangers have girlfriends; sign things they can't. Nick: This is a pretty nice place. A long way from 28th Street. Catherine: Sure is. (Catherine picks up a framed photo of two women. Sam Vega finds something.) Det. Sam Vega: Catherine, Nick. (Nick and Catherine walk over to him. He points to the degree hanging on the wall from the University of Texas El Paso to Veronica Juarez in Bachelor of Science - Communication.) Catherine: Gangbanger girlfriend with a degree? Nick: Sounds like a rock band. (They continue to look around. Catherine uses the ALS on the bedspread. Nick picks up a digital camera off the desk and looks at the photos.) Nick: Hey, Vega? Check out these pics. (Det. Sam Vega walks over to Nick.) Nick: Think she liked to party? Det. Sam Vega: That barely looks like the same girl. Nick: I know. Det. Sam Vega: I'm going to check out the kitchen. Nick: Okay. (Vega walks away.) Catherine: Well, there's no signs of sexual activity. (Catherine opens the bedside table drawer. She finds something.) Catherine: Oh, hang on now. (She takes out a small plastic bag with something inside.) Nick: That looks like pure crystal meth. Catherine: You could be up for a week straight on that stuff and not even know it. Nick: Perfect drug for this town. (Sam Vega walks out of the kitchen holding a piece of paper.) Det. Sam Vega: Hey, you think that our vic was a groupie? (He shows the Extremo poster to them.) Catherine: Looks like a mariachi band with artillery. Det. Sam Vega: I had a big dose of them when I worked with a gang unit in LA. Catherine: The band? Det. Sam Vega: The scumbags who listen to that music. Sinaloa cowboys. Big drug producers. Catherine: Okay. We've got a female victim with a degree, Mexican artwork, drugs and Sinaloan cowboys. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CLUB - NIGHT] (Det. Sam Vega and Nick exit the parked car and head for the club.) [INT. CLUB - NIGHT] (The place is crowded. The band on stage sings.) Lyric: no me puedes negar, lo que te hago sentir no me puedes negar lo que sientes por mi (The song ends; the crowd applauds.) (The club owner shouts to the already hyped-up crowd.) Club Owner: (shouts) Que paso, que paso,que paso?! Hacienda corona! Como estan, como estan, como estan, como estan todos? Que bueno, que bueno, que bueno! Otra cancion! Otra cancion! (The band sings another song.) Lyric: Yo me paso las noches tomando quierendo olvidar su recuerdo buena aquella noche maldita ... (Det. Sam Vega and Nick walk into the club and head over to the bar. Vega shows him Veronica Juarez' DMV photo.) Det. Sam Vega: Carnal, conoces esta muchacha? Sordo, contestame! Juanito Concha (barback): That's Carla. Nick: Carla? Not Veronica? Juanito Concha (barback): Nah. The girl in the picture there told me her name was Carla. Det. Sam Vega: Yeah, well, the bouncer says that she hangs out here a lot. Juanito Concha (barback): Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. (Nick turns and listens to Extremo on stage.) Lyric: ...Que por ser poderoso que mi vida jamas pasaria (He turns back to the bartender.) Nick: She, uh, friends with the band? Juanito Concha (barback): I don't know about friends. I mean, her and every other girl in here jocks 'em. I mean, Extremo, bro, they're the best. Come on. (Vega and Nick listen to Extremo.) Lyric: Yo soy malo y no puedo negar que desde me acuerdo no he sido la vieja resulto mentirosa... Nick: I know my Spanish is a little rusty, but I think he just said, "She was a liar, she wasn't who she said she was." Lyric: ... Pero en cambio le robe su vida Det. Sam Vega: "She stole my heart, so I stole her life." Lyric: ...Otra vibora por ser... Nick: "I met the snake ... eat a snake." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CLUB -- NIGHT] (The segment just ended. The crowd applauds and the club owner is shouting into the mike.) Club Owner: Otra cancion! Otra cancion! (Extremo steps off the stage.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Nick and Vega wait to talk with the lead singer. As the band files out the stage and through the hallway, fan girls crowd the doorway shouting for them.) (Vega stops the lead singer.) Det Sam Vega: LVPD. We need to talk. Rafael Salinas (lead singer): Leave your card, I'll send you a picture and autograph, huh? (He slaps Nick on his arm, then turns to continue down the hallway. Nick chuckles following him.) Nick: That's not really what I'm after, my man. (The manager stops Nick from following Rafael Salinas, the lead singer, into the back room with the rest of the band.) Manager: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nick: Excuse me. Manager: I'm their manager. El Jefe. You want to ask my band questions, you can ask me first. Nick: Great. What can you tell us about the song they just played? Manager: What do you want to know? Nick: Quite frankly, the lyrics are very similar to a homicide we're investigating. Manager: That narco-corrido was written ten years ago. It's a classic. (to Vega) Surprised you haven't heard it. Det. Sam Vega: I don't listen to crap about doing drugs and killing cops. (Someone comes up to the manager and says something to him. The man leaves. The manager turns to Nick and Vega.) Manager: Why don't you buy a CD on the way out. All right? (The manager tries to leave. Nick stops him.) Nick: Yeah, I might do that. Listen, one more thing, if you could. (Nick shows him the photo.) This girl, you know who she is? Manager: That's Carla. She's dead? Nick: Yeah. Manager: That's too bad. Nick: Yeah. Manager: She was a loyal fan. She knew the words to every song we did. Nick: Anything else? Det. Sam Vega: Yeah. Your name and number. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Sara walks up to Grissom's office and knocks on the door.) Sara: (smiles) Hi. (She steps inside. Grissom looks up and takes his glasses off.) Sara: You got a minute? Grissom: Sure. Sara: We really haven't had a chance to talk since the staff changes. (She sits down.) I, uh ... I wanted to let you know that I said some things to Ecklie that might have done the team a disservice. Grissom: Ecklie wanted to break up the team and he did. Sara: He asked me if you and I had had our post-P-E-A-P counseling session. Grissom: And we didn't. Regardless, you should never have to cover for your boss. I'm sorry. Sara: You've always been a little more than a boss to me. (She gives him a small smile.) Sara: Why do you think I moved to Vegas? Look, I know our relationship has been complicated. It's probably my fault. It's probably definitely my fault. Grissom: You, uh, completed your counseling, right? Sara: Yeah. Yes. Grissom: And ... ? Sara: Let's just say that ... I sometimes ... I look for validation in inappropriate places. (They lapse into silence.) Grissom: Look ... let's, um ... (Again, they lapse into silence.) Sara: It's okay. Okay. You know what, we did our session. Don't forget to document this for Ecklie. (She smiles.) Grissom: Right. Sara: Thanks. (Sara stands up and leaves.) (Camera holds on Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Robbins goes over his findings with Warrick and Sofia Curtis.) Robbins: Bullet entered through the left zygomatic arch, then penetrated the brain, then fragmented up. (He picks the bullet out of the brain and shows it to them. He drops the bullet into the tray.) Sofia Curtis: The bullet never exited? Robbins: Not even close. The right ear injury is a separate wound unrelated to the entry in the face. Warrick: So he was shot twice. Robbins: Yeah, can you identify the weapon off these? (Robbins shows the bullets in the tray to them.) Sofia Curtis: It's highly unlikely. The frags are too small. I'll go back to the scene, see if I can find the AWOL bullet. Warrick: All right. (Sofia leaves.) Robbins: So I hear you found a wheelchair. Warrick: Yeah. No identifiable prints, only smudges. Robbins: Did you check the serial number? Warrick: No. Robbins: You know, wheelchairs are registered with medical supply companies. It's not something the average person would know. Warrick: Thanks. Good looking out. (Warrick turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. RETIREMENT HOME - POOLSIDE - DAY] (Brass and Warrick talk with the manager of the retirement home.) Manager: Mrs. Bakerset's grandson bought her a top-of-the-line chair about a year ago after her stroke. Brass: We need to talk to her. Manager: I'm sorry, she passed away last week. Warrick: Really? That's strange. We found her wheelchair at a crime scene downtown. Any idea how it got there? Manager: No, no, no, Bonnie hadn't left here in at least six months. Her place is right over here. (She leads them to the room.) [INT. RETIREMENT HOME -- BAKERSET'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The door opens. The manager, Warrick and Brass step inside.) Manager: When the residents pass, their property remains in the room until their family picks it up. Her grandson said he'd swing by next week. (Inside the tiny room are lots of boxes, packages and shopping items still in their boxes.) Manager: The woman loved to shop. Brass: Yeah. Manager: I'll see if I can get you some info on that wheelchair. (The manager leaves. Warrick and Brass look around.) Warrick: Loved to shop? Looks more like a compulsion. Brass: Fly fishing rods ... air purification systems, vitamins, yoga tapes ... cleaning products ... most of these boxes have the same return address. N.Z.A., Inc. It's local. It's in Henderson. (Just outside the large picture windows, a small group of curious elderly folks gather.) Brass: Scumbag telemarketers. (The man outside knocks on the window to get their attention. Brass turns around.) Betsy Lewis: Yoo-hoo! (Brass walks over to the window to open it.) Brass: Watch your fingers. (He slides the window open.) Stuart Manslow: Excuse me ... what's going on? Brass: And you are? Stuart Manslow: Stuart Manslow. Betsy Lewis: And I'm Betsy Lewis. You shouldn't be in here. Brass: Well, Betsy, I'm Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas police. And this is Warrick Brown with the crime lab. Warrick: Hi, folks. Could you all tell me what's the deal with all these boxes? Stuart Manslow: Buying things made Bonnie happy. Betsy Lewis: After her husband died, she was lost. Then a nice salesman kept calling. They would talk for hours. If you ask me, she liked the attention. Warrick: Ma'am, do you know what happened to Bonnie's wheelchair? (They look at each other.) Stuart Manslow: It was a gift from her grandson. Betsy Lewis: Yeah. He's not a doctor, but he does all right for himself. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. ROOFTOP PARKING LOT - DAY] (Sofia sets up a rod from the wheelchair through the hold in the windshield.) Sofia Curtis: Off we go into the wild, blue yonder. (Greg walks up to the back of the open van. He clears his throat. Sofia turns around.) Sofia Curtis: Why are you here? Greg: Grissom said it'd be okay for me to come help. I need the experience. Sofia Curtis: Well, if we can't find the bullets, we find the shell casings. (Greg nods.) I'm thinking the shooter had the driver at gunpoint, forced him to drive up to the roof 'cause it was deserted. (She looks at him and gets an idea.) Sofia Curtis: Give me your pen. (Greg hands her his pen.) Sofia Curtis: You don't shoot a man with the door open. (She flicks the switch and closes the wheelchair ramp.) Sofia Curtis: Keep your eye on this. (Greg gets a little closer to the ramp door.) (Quick flash of: A gun fires. The shell casing pops out of the gun. End of flash.) (Sofia drops the pen cap. The pen cap falls down in between the ramp door.) Sofia Curtis: You got it? The shooter had to open the door when he took off. (Sofia opens the wheelchair ramp door. As the ramp door opens, the pen cap is pushed down further into the van's sliding door.) Greg: Okay, stop. (Greg takes out the pen cap, then takes out the shell casing.) Greg: Nine-millimeter. Sofia Curtis: Photograph it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Nick sits on the floor in the A/V lab and listens to Extremo music on the Diskman. He writes down the lyrics as he listens.) (Catherine walks into the room and sees him. She rubs the back of his head to get his attention.) Catherine: Hi. Nick: Oh, hey. Catherine: What is this? Nick: Oh, it's, uh, it's an old case from San Diego. (Catherine reads the lyrics.) Catherine: "They were found the next dawn, in a dry river bed, their intestines exposed, and many cats feasting upon them." Nick: Yeah, now you put that to music, sing it in Spanish, and you have a narcocorrido. Catherine: Narco what? Nick: A corrido is a Mexican ballad. A narcocorrido ... Catherine: A drug ballad. Nick: Kind of more or less, except their songs include actual events, like specific dates, names ... here. Come over here, check this out. (Nick gets up and goes over to the computer. He brings up an old headline for the TODOS DIAS paper: "La Ultima Pieza del Rompecabeza", by Hilda C. Aguiar. Under it is a photo of a woman's severed head with a rattlesnake coming out of it.) Nick: This girl was shacked up with a local drug lord. He dumps her, she rats him out to the authorities. The rest of the body was never found. But the song was a big hit. Catherine: So apart from having her hair removed, Veronica Juarez's murder was life imitating art. Nick: Yeah, and if that's the case, anyone who knows this song could ... could be the killer. Catherine: We don't even know that much about the victim, other than she was somewhere between art lover and meth user. (Without another word, Nick leaves the lab and heads into the evidence room. Perplexed, Catherine watches him go.) [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Nick takes out the evidence box and pulls out the Hoy paper found under the decapitated head. The paper is dated Enero.11.2005 and sold for 25 cents. The title of the front page article on the left is "Narco corridos: Asesinos de la cultura". In the center is a large bloodstain.) (Catherine walks into the lab.) Catherine: Something I said? Nick: (distracted) Huh? Oh, no, no, no. Sorry. It was actually something I saw. (He points to the byline: Veronica Juarez.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY] (Catherine and Nick talk with the editor of the paper.) Editor: Veronica had been here since last summer. Maybe six months. Catherine: We ran Ms. Juarez's social. She wasn't an employee. Editor: She was more of a freelancer. The narco corridos piece was her first major story. Makes me sick to think she's not going to finish it. Nick: She was working undercover? Editor: She figured it was the only way to get these guys to open up to her. She was right. Nick: Yeah, her article came down pretty hard on the music, huh? Editor: Narcocorridos glamorize a criminal lifestyle. (They turn into the main office.) Editor: Veronica felt the songs were poisoning our young people. She used the intern's desk right there. (He points to the desk. Nick puts on a glove and checks the computer. Catherine goes through the mail. The editor walks up to them.) Editor: I warned her that it was a vicious subculture. Catherine: Had she received any threats? Editor: Well, there was this one incident right after part one was published. (Quick flash of: A man carries a lit black candle through the office toward Veronica's desk.) Man: (chanting) Nombre de jesus malverde ... nombre de jesus malverde ... (He puts the candle down on the desk. Veronica gasps.) Man: Silencio! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Editor: We didn't call the cops, but it wasn't settling. I'm kind of superstitious. (Nick opens the drawer door and finds a fingerprint on the candle.) Nick: Good thing Veronica wasn't. (He takes the black candle out of the back of the desk file drawer and shows it to Catherine.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - DAY] (Nick takes a mold of the print and scans it into the computer. He finds a match to (excerpt of contents on page): LAS VEGAS POLICE ELINDIO ZAPATA DOB/09/18/51 sx/M RAC/CAUCASIAN HGT/508 WGT/158 EYE/BRO HAI/BRO POB/UNKNOWN NAME/01 ZAPATA, ELINDIO MON/MONCHIE 78566 AMBERS AVE., LV, NV8- [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGASC ITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. STORE -- DAY] (Det. Sam Vega and Nick enter the store.) Det. Sam Vega: Hello? (There's no answer. The door shuts behind them.) Det. Sam Vega: LVPD. (They look around the store.) Det. Sam Vega: Anyone here? (They hear mumbling coming from the back of the shop. Nick takes his gun out.) (Vega takes his gun out.) (In the back room, Elindio Zapata is kneeling on the ground in front of dozens of lit candles. Vega knocks on the door.) Det. Sam Vega: Elindio Zapata. (He pushes the beads over the door aside.) Det. Sam Vega: Elindio Zapata. Elindio Zapata: No hablo ingles. Det. Sam Vega: Oh, De Veras? Well, that's funny, because the border patrol said you spoke perfect English. (Elindio Zapata stands up and puts his hat on. He exits the room and looks at Vega.) Det. Sam Vega: We're going to take a look around, coyote. (Elindio walks past Nick.) Elindio Zapata: You break it, you bought it. (He heads for the front of the shop. Nick and Vega both holster their weapons. Nick sees a lit black candle. In the tray in front of the candle he sees a bone.) Elindio Zapata: Vayate. (Nick turns and looks back at Elindio.) Elindio Zapata: That belongs to Jesus Malverde. (He continues to look around and sees the jacket hanging on the clothes rack in the back. He glances at Vega.) (Nick takes out his glove and puts it on. He looks at Elindio.) (Quick flash of: [PHOTO] In the photo of Veronica Juarez, she is wearing a jacket with white fringe. End of flash.) Det. Sam Vega: What do you got? Nick: Veronica Juarez had a jacket just like this one. Minus the tire tracks. (Nick takes the jacket over to Elindio.) Nick: This jacket? It's coming with me. And you're going with him. (We hear the sounds of handcuffs. Elindio looks at Vega. Nick looks at the jacket.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Det. Sam Vega and Nick interview Elindio Zapata.) Det. Sam Vega: We know that you went to the newspaper office and you threatened her. Elindio Zapata: Si, señor. I went to the oficina. Her mentals were going places they need not. Nick: You want to tell me what this is? (Nick shows him the photo of the bone.) Elindio Zapata: Pollo bone. Religious. (He chuckles.) My right in America. Nick: I don't know, it looks more like a human finger to me. It's been burned. Elindio Zapata: Eyes can fool you. Nick: That's right. That's why I do a lot of tests. And I'm also gonna match the blood found on Veronica's jacket right here. (Nick taps the photo of Veronica's jacket.) Elindio Zapata: I know nothing about this. Nice ... muchacho gave it to me. Det. Sam Vega: Como se llama? Elindio Zapata: Don't know name, only ... face. Cara. Mm, people give me things all the time. Nick: Now, why would they do that? Elindio Zapata: Maybe they like me. (He chuckles.) Or for proteccion. When you look at me, you see un hombre pobre, sucio. Poor, dirty man. Pero soy mas. I am much more. I am descendent ... of Jesus Malverde. God ... dios. Angel of the Poor. Nick: The Mexican Robin Hood, a thief and a killer, hung May 3, 1909. Elindio Zapata: He is the reason ... you cannot touch me. (He looks at Vega.) No me puedes tocar. Det. Sam Vega: You're a disgrace to our community. You're a greedy fence who will do or say anything to make a buck. Elindio Zapata: No, señor. No, I may warn, I may protect, I may harm, I may do many things. But not for money. Nick: Okay, hold out your hands -- we're gonna get some prints. (Elindio holds out his hands. Nick takes out his kit.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Warrick examines Vincent Decarlo's clothes and possessions. He finds a piece of paper.) (Sofia Curtis walks into the lab.) Sofia Curtis: You got lucky with the bloodstained lapel. I didn't match the vic, but I got a hit in CODIS. Warrick: Great. Dax Blanchard? Sofia Curtis: Assault and battery against a police officer in '96. Served two years. No current address. Warrick: Thanks. (Sofia leaves. Warrick dials his phone.) Brass: Detective Jim Brass. Warrick: (announcer's voice) Congratulations, Jim Brass. You're guaranteed one of these five amazing awards. Trip to London, ... INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - DAY] Brass: (puzzled) Warrick? Warrick: (announcer's voice) A brand-new caddy, tennis bracelet, plasma TV, water purification system. You finally did it, Jim. Just send NZA a check for $300 and claim your prize. Warrick: NZA. So, where'd you get the sales pitch, man? Warrick: From the victim's personal effects. My guess, it's the same boob who was calling Bonnie. Brass: (nods) The company's address was on the old lady's boxes. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING] [INT. NZA TELEMARKETING OFFICE - EVENING] (The sales center is busy. Camera pans across the various salesmen on the phones.) Salesman 1: Mrs. Mason, I am standing, which means what? You should be sitting. Room Manager: I really want you to push the air purifiers. Then, I want you to push this. Salesman 1: That's right, because I've got some great news. You just won a Cadillac. Well, does your husband drive? Salesman 2: Have you ever shopped on 5th Avenue? Salesman 3: Come on. Look, I've been waiting my whole life to make this call. Salesman 4: Yes. Yes. Well, as soon as we get that ... Room Manager: Come on, people! Let's close these deals! I got a room full of pikers or closers? You're a piker! (Voice fades in the background as Warrick and Brass enter the office.) Warrick: My grandmother used to say if it sounds too good to be true, it is. Room Manager: Only closers go on that board. (Warrick and Brass walk up to Dax Blanchard.) Room Manager: Can I help you gentlemen? Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police, and this is Warrick Brown from the crime lab - We got a couple of questions. (Warrick turns and looks at the whiteboard: TOP 4 CLOSERS OF THE WEEK 1. VINCENT DeCARLO 2. DAX BLANCHARD 3. TERENCE -- 4. BOB-- Warrick: We know Vincent Decarlo's not available -- How about Dax Blanchard? Room Manager: Corner cubicle, burgundy tie. (He points to a man on the phone. Brass and Warrick head over to Dax Blanchard.) Dax Blanchard: (to phone) You were? You know what I want you to do, Harry? I want you to stand up, and I want you to march over to that checkbook, soldier. (Brass clears his throat.) It does not sound like you're standing up to me, Harry. You know why we're doing this, Harry? (Brass clears his throat again.) Because we have something called trust, you and me. You trust ... (Dax Blanchard notices Brass and Warrick standing behind him.) Dax Blanchard: (to phone) Harry, I need you to do me a favor, though, okay? I need you to hang on for me for one second, okay? Okay. You're the greatest. (He puts the phone down.) Brass: Dax, at yakety-yak, you're the greatest. I got a one-time-only offer for you. Should we talk about it here or downtown? Dax Blanchard: Come on, what is this? This is a legal room. (He motions and Warrick sees that Dax is wearing a holster with a gun.) Warrick: What the hell is that? Brass: Are you packing? (He takes the gun.) This a legal gun? Dax Blanchard: Yeah it is. Registered to me. (Brass hands the gun to Warrick, who removes the clip.) Brass: Okay. Downtown it is. Let's go. (Warrick checks the bullets.) Warrick: Nine-millimeter. Same as the casings found on the scene. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass interviews Dax Blanchard.) Dax Blanchard: Nothing I'm doing is illegal. In exchange for a small fee, my customers get one of five specified prizes. Brass: When was the last time someone won a Cadillac? Dax Blanchard: (shrugs) While ago. Long time ago. Never, all right? Look, I'm only obligated to give one of the prizes. Nothing says it can't be the cheap one. Brass: Apparently, you're very good at your job, but you're not the best. I saw the board -- you're number two. Right behind a dead guy. Dax Blanchard: Vinny's dead? Brass: When was the last time you saw him? Dax Blanchard: (thinks about it) Yesterday morning. Brass: We found your blood on his jacket. Dax Blanchard: Good. 'Cause I thought maybe I missed. (Quick flashback to: [SALES ROOM] Vincent is on the phone when Dax walks up to his cubicle.) Vincent Decarlo: I got a room full of people congratulating you here, Dorothy. (shouts to phone) Yeah, Dorothy! Yeah! I ... (Dax disconnects the phone.) Vincent Decarlo: What in the friggin' hell? I had a live one. Dax Blanchard: You sold my grandmother, you son of a bitch. Took every last cent. Vincent Decarlo: Everybody we sell is someone's grandmother. (Dax grabs Vincent. Vincent punches Dax in the mouth. Dax spits on Vincent's jacket leaving a glob of blood on his lapel.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Dax Blanchard: The guy was a mook, all right? He was constantly stealing my leads, stealing my customers. Then I find out he rips off my grandmother? Brass: Honor among thieves? Dax Blanchard: For crap's sake, she's living in a nursing home, confined to a wheelchair. Brass: So you killed Vincent Decarlo because he was better than you, because he stole your leads, because he sold your bubby Bonnie, and you wanted him out of the way. Dax Blanchard: (scoffs) Who the hell's Bonnie? Brass: Your grandmother. Bonnie Bakerset. Dax Blanchard: My grandmother's name is Fran. She lives in Daytona Beach. Would you like to call her? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Catherine processes the jacket. She measures the tire treads on the back of the jacket, circles the pattern and searches for it on the database.) (She finds a match: TOYO OPEN COUNTRY MT 38/15.5/18.) (Nick walks into the room carrying a file folder.) Nick: Hey, Catherine. The palm prints on the newspaper don't match Elindio's. Catherine: Well, that just means he didn't place the head in the box. The vic's blood was on the jacket in his store. She was run over by a Toyo Open Country MT 38-by-15.5-by-18. (Quick flash to: The truck engines gun as they run over Veronica Juarez. End of flash.) Catherine: Now, that's a big-ass truck tire. Nick: Elindio didn't even own a car, much less a big-ass truck. What other characteristics? Catherine: Take a look. Nick: That's a retread. (Quick flash of someone retreading a tire. End of flash.) Nick: I only know of one place in Vegas that does work like this. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TIRE WAREHOUSE - DAY] (Nick and Catherine talk with the store owner.) Store Owner: So, what is it you need? Catherine: Invoice copies of any retreads that were done on this type of tire. (She shows him the photo.) Store Owner: Oh, yeah. We sell about a hundred of these a month. Catherine: Really? Store Owner: Yeah. Over here. Catherine: Thank you. (He sits down behind the desk's computer.) (Nick looks around the area and notices a particular worker there.) Nick: Hey. (The worker turns around. Nick recognizes him.) (Quick flashback to: The Extremo lead singer on stage. End of flashback.) Nick: I'll take that autograph now. (The worker looks at Nick. Nick motions for him to come.) Nick: Ven aca. SHORT TIME CUT TO: (The lead singer talks with Catherine. Nick looks around his locker.) Rafael Salinas (lead singer): I was seeing Carla ... until Veronica Juarez's article came out. I figured out who she was. Catherine: And then? Rafael Salinas (lead singer): Then I dumped her ass. What do you think? She put down my music, my band, made it look like everyone involved in narco corridos was a drug dealer or a criminal. She lied to me. (Quick flashback to: The Extremo lead singer, Rafael Salinas, is angry with Veronica Juarez.) Rafael Salinas (lead singer): Asi es como pagas? (He shouts angrily at her.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Rafael Salinas (lead singer): Narcocorridos are entertainment. The drugs, they're an economic activity woven in the fabric of Sinaloan history. The music does nothing more than reflect that. Catherine: Narcocorridos also depicts actual events. Rafael Salinas (lead singer): So does the 6:00 news. A lot of people were pissed off when she wrote that trash. Catherine: So you're saying that she deserved to die? Rafael Salinas (lead singer): I'm saying she was a two-faced bitch who got off on our music at night, wrote about how disgusting we were during the day, when she was the one smoking, snorting, screwing everything she could find. Catherine: After her tox screen, we know that Miss Juarez didn't do drugs. And ... I seriously doubt that she was having sx with you. Rafael Salinas (lead singer): Listen ... I didn't kill Veronica. But she was a pocha, a traitor, and people like that aren't taken lightly in Sinaloa. Catherine: We're not in Sinaloa. Rafael Salinas (lead singer): When you're inside la hacienda corona, you might as well be. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Sofia Curtis runs the bullets through the database. The etchings read: K DWM K 480C.) (She finds a match to REF#9935-79.) Sofia Curtis: (to herself) Deutschland uber alles. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - NIGHT] (Warrick is sitting at the table. Sofia walks into the room.) Sofia Curtis: I identified the casings recovered at the scene. They don't match Dax Blanchard's 9-mil. So, did he have any other firearms? Warrick: Nothing registered. Sofia Curtis: Well, head stamp on the casings was a little unusual. (She shows the photos to Warrick.) Warrick: "DWM?" Sofia Curtis: Deutsche waffen und munitions fabrik. Warrick: Well, that's World War II-era German. Sofia Curtis: Well, it's one thing to collect old guns; old ammunition comes from a trophy -- an enemy gun a soldier brings back from battle. Warrick: So, our shooter's an old soldier. (She gives him a look.) Warrick: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. RETIREMENT HOME - NIGHT] (Stuart Manslow talks with Warrick.) Stuart Manslow: Bonnie had Alzheimer's, you know. And that son of a monster sold her twice a day. Once in the morning, and again that night, because ... he knew she had forgot that she bought the first time. I tried to talk her out of it, but Vincent just kept on calling. And Bonnie just kept on a-buying. Warrick: So, what did you do about it, sir? Stuart Manslow: Huh? Warrick: What'd you do about it? Stuart Manslow: Vincent started calling all of us. I played along. I told him I didn't have a checking account, so the bstrd offered to drive me to the bank. I wanted him to think that I was weak. So I borrowed Bonnie's wheelchair. He drove me to the bank. Pushed me right up to the teller. Oh, he was helpful. And then he drove me back to the casino. Warrick: Why did you have him park on the roof? Stuart Manslow: Why not? Nobody parks on the roof. (Quick flashback to: [VAN - NIGHT] Vincent Decarlo: Here we go. Now all we need is the money. (Stuart shoots and nicks Vincent in the back of the head. He starts yelling.) Stuart Manslow: (V.O.) I would have killed him with one shot. Lousy shakes. (Vincent turns and looks at Stuart. Hefires again, this time hitting him square.) Stuart Manslow: (V.O.) But I got him good the second one. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Stuart Manslow: Been a long time since I had to kill someone. Warrick: Where's your sidearm, sir? (Stuart Manslow reaches for the box on the table and opens it. He takes out his gun.) (Warrick stops walking toward him, his eyes on the gun in Stuart's hand. Unsure of what Stuart is going to do, Warrick becomes very cautious.) Stuart Manslow: You know, the world has changed. (Warrick swallows, his eyes on the gun.) When I was serving my country, I knew who my enemy was. (Stuart shakes the gun in his hand.) Warrick: The gun, please, sir. Stuart Manslow: Now the enemy is ... some punk ... calls you up on the telephone ... and wants your credit card number. (Stuart looks at the gun.) Warrick: Sir? The gun. (Stuart sighs.) Stuart Manslow: Hmm. (He hands the gun to Warrick. Warrick removes the clip. He looks at Stuart.) (Camera holds on Warrick.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT] (Catherine is comparing the photo of the tire print from the jacket to the various tire prints from the tires taken from the warehouse.) (Nick walks into the garage.) Nick: Bad news. Rafael's palm prints don't match the one on the newspaper. Catherine: Worse news, his tire treads don't match the ones on Veronica Juarez's leather jacket, either. Nick: Great. Well, you know, there is one place the victim was where there's a whole lot of these tires. (Catherine looks at Nick.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CLUB - PARKING LOT - NIGHT] (Det. Sam Vega kneels down next to a tire and compares the photo of the tire print from the jacket to the tires on the truck. There are other officers there doing the same - comparing the photo of the tire print from the jacket to the other trucks' tires.) (Nick walks between the trucks looking at the various parked vehicles. He comes across a particular truck with a retread.) Nick: Vega! (Vega walks over to Nick.) Det. Sam Vega: What do you think? Nick: Run the plates. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The band on stage sings.) Lyric: ...Que sin duda yo fui el dueño de tus sueños gracias, corazón ... (Nick and Vega walk up to the offduty barback, Juanito Concha. Nick: Hey, Juanito. Not barbacking tonight? Juanito Concha: No, I got the night off. I'm gonna go party today. So, you guys, uh, still looking for Carla? Nick: No. Juanito Concha: No? Nick: No, we're looking for you. (The officers behind Juanito start handcuffing him.) Det. Sam Vega: Do you own a 2004 forf-150? Gray with panting on it? Juanito Concha: Uh, yeah, that's the full-blown cocino mobile. Det. Sam Vega: Oh, your pig mobile, nice name. Yeah. (Nick notices the hair hanging from Juanito's belt.) Nick: That's a cool belt, Juanito. What's it made out of? Human hair? Juanito Concha: Ooh, um ... you guys want me to show you? (Juanito head-butts Nick and runs past him trying to escape. Nick runs after him.) Nick: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no (Nick catches and grabs Juanito. Suddenly, we notice that the music has stopped completely and that there are a lot of men crowding in on Nick, Vega and Juanito, pushing and shoving each other. Very dangerous.) Det. Sam Vega: Muevanse, muevanse por atras! Det. Sam Vega: Muevan ... muevanse por atras! (The men in the crowd reach for their guns. Nick and Vega both pull out their own guns and hold it up to show it to them.) Nick: Hey, hey, hey, back up! (They manage to push the crowd back a little distance away from them. The crowd has quieted down some.) Nick: (shouts) He killed an innocent girl! Det. Sam Vega: Calmense, todos. Dejanos hacer nuestro trabajo y no les vamos a molestar. Nick: Hey! Det. Sam Vega: Calmense, ya! Nick: Este muchacho mato a una señorita inocente. Inocente! Det. Sam Vega: Calmense. Ya. Nick: Y tiene que pagar. Y tiene que pagar! Get him out of here! (The officers pull Juanito toward the door and they all start heading for the exit.) Det. Sam Vega: Ya! Nick: Go, go, go! Det. Sam Vega: Calmense, ya. Tranquilos. (Vega is the last to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Det. Sam Vega and Nick interview Juanito Concha.) Det. Sam Vega: I don't understand you, Juanito. You manage to stay out of the gangs, drugs. Making honest money ... Juanito Concha: (chuckles) What? Seven dollars an hour? Nick: Hey, it's better than the joint. I can promise you that. Besides, you didn't prove anything ... Taking the life of an innocent woman ... Juanito Concha: It was the perfect opportunity, bro... Nick: Yeah? To do what? Impress a bunch of fools who don't give a crap about what happens to you, anyway. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Veronica Juarez takes out her keys. Around the corner sitting in his car, Juanito waits for her.) (She hurries across the street. Juanito guns the engine. The truck speeds toward her. She turns and is hit by the truck.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Juanito Concha: Immortality, bro. See, I-I'm not gonna die a barback, or a dishwasher ... Det. Sam Vega: You're gonna get the needle, menso. You're gonna die a murderer. Juanito Concha: Yeah, maybe so, but they're gonna write a song about me. I'm gonna go down in history. Nick: No, no, no, no. You see, the song's already been written. You're just a sad copy. Una copia triste. Juanito Concha: Look, I gave it my own twist, though. Uh ... 'cause I-I'm an original. Nick: Right. (Juanito chuckles. Nick stands up and heads for the door.) Juanito Concha: (sings) machuque el perro con la lengua de la culebra... (Nick catches the words, stops and turns around to look at Juanito as he sings his confession.) Juanito Concha: (sings) tome el premio (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Juanito scalps Veronica, ripping the hair right off of her skin.) Juanito Concha: (sings) (V.O.) de lo que hecho (He takes as much hair as he can.) (Cut to: Elindio Zapata stands in front of a fire. He turns around and heads toward Juanito and Veronica.) Juanito Concha: (sings) (V.O.) le pregunte yo a malverde ... (Elindio is carrying a long hatchet.) Elindio Zapata: (shouts) Limpia ... esta puta! (He cuts Veronica's head off.) Juanito Concha: (sings) (V.O.) Que me diere guiansa (Cut to: The fire's flames.) (End of flashback. Dissolve back to present.) Juanito Concha: (sings) para quemar mis pecados ... (Dissolve to: Elindio Zapata takes out a single bone and holds it.) (End of flashback.) Juanito Concha: (chuckles) ... immortal. (Vega doesn't say anything. Juanito chuckles at his own cleverness.) (From the side, Nick watches grimly.) FADE TO BLACK	Plan: A: a case; Q: What do Catherine and Nick investigate when a severed head containing a snake is found in a newspaper stand? A: a shooting; Q: What do Warrick, Sofia and Greg investigate in a van? Summary: Catherine and Nick investigate a case when a severed head containing a snake is found in a newspaper stand. Warrick, Sofia and Greg investigate a shooting in a van .
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Felix's body lies on the bridge as seen in 201 Normal Is the Watchword. Cut to Logan lying across Veronica. LOGAN: I didn't stab him, Veronica. VERONICA: There's something that you need to know about your dad. Cut to Veronica's vision of Aaron killing Lilly from 122 Leave It to Beaver. Cut to the bus crash debris floating in the water from 201 Normal Is the Watchword. LAMB: [offscreen] On the subject of the bus crash... Cut to the Mars/Lamb debate in 205 Blast from the Past. LAMB: ...back in '89 then Deputy Mars pulled Ed Doyle over for driving under the influence. Had a DUI appeared on his record, he would never have been hired by the school district. Cut to the Mars's apartment. VERONICA: The bus was sabotaged! KEITH: If that sound is an explosion, not only were those kids murdered, but the guilty party is still at large. Cut to Veronica's second prison visit to Abel Koontz in 114 Mars vs Mars. VERONICA: You're dying, Abel. You didn't kill Lilly Kane. You're just somebody's patsy. Cut to Amelia DeLongpre from 117 Kanes and Abel's. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So Abel Koontz has a daughter. In the hotel room where Veronica stashed Amelia, Wiedman puts papers into his briefcase. CLARENCE WIEDMAN: Miss DeLongpre just finalized her father's settlement with Kane Software. End previously. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. The camera starts from outside, looking into the apartment through the window. There is a poster, "Keith Mars Sheriff" in the window and beyond can be seen a number of people, including Cliff McCormack, gathered there. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A week ago, I imagined this all differently. Veronica is sitting in the armchair, watching the television, arms folded and looking grumpy. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Keith Mars was supposed to ride his projected lead to a resounding victory, and me and Wallace were supposed to sneak some champagne before making slightly tipsy crank calls to former Sheriff Lamb. Keith is behind her, leaning against the wall, also concentrated on the TV. He is disappointed but resigned. Cliff, on the sofa, next to Veronica, empties his glass. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Instead, I'm riding out a nail-biter while Wallace is off finding himself with his dad in Chicago. Instead of a best friend, I've got an email address that won't write back. Keith pushes himself off the wall and addresses the room. KEITH: [heartily] Don't worry. Polls are open twenty more minutes. Keith bends down to Veronica. KEITH: We own the straggler vote. He massages her shoulder for a moment, then backs away. Cliff holds a cocktail sausage and an empty glass. CLIFF: Uh, you're out of cocktail weenies, and I'm out of cocktail. He thrusts the glass at Veronica. VERONICA: We're out of gin. CLIFF: I'm not particular. Both are diverted by the television. Veronica leans forward. NEWS ANCHOR: And our latest results now show Don Lamb nosing ahead by a percent. The group watching groans. CLIFF: Whatever it is, make it a double. Veronica snatches the glass, deeply pissed off about how events are going. NEWS ANCHOR: ...Don Lamb and challenger Keith Mars is neck-and-neck. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. The mood in the opposing camp is very different as a man approaches the front desk. The campaign workers are happy and confident of victory. NEWS ANCHOR: We show that the incumbent is edging out... Lamb is watching the TV, enjoying the moment, and chumping on a big cigar. MAN: Are you the, uh, sheriff? Lamb points to the TV. LAMB: Looks like it's gonna stay that way. MAN: I have information about that Mexican kid who got killed. LAMB: Felix Toombs? MAN: Yeah. I'm the one who made the anonymous call from the bridge. This gets Lamb's undivided attention. (Note that the man is not the same man seen in Logan's flashback in 201 Normal Is the Watchword, who said he had called an ambulance.) INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT. A party is in full swing. Logan, drink in hand, backs into Dick Casablancas. They face each other, Logan looking extremely uncomfortable. DICK: Dude. My stepmom? LOGAN: I'm a total piece of crap. DICK: Better you than the cable guy, I guess. Dick punches him in the shoulder playfully. Logan gives a relieved laugh. DICK: And I'd be lying to say if I never perved on your mom while she was prancin' around the pool in that hardly-there bikini of hers. LOGAN: Great. So, no hard feelings? DICK: No, she gave me a few. Dick pauses then laughs at his joke. He play-punches Logan again. Logan isn't at all happy with the reference to his mother but, in the circumstances, is forced to let it go. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Everyone is focused on the television. Keith now sits in the armchair and Veronica is on the floor, in front of the TV. NEWS ANCHOR: So, Woody Goodman is officially the Balboa County Supervisor, the position historically referred to as the Mayor of Neptune. And we're officially calling the sheriff's race: Don Lamb holds on to his seat in a real nail-biter. Groans fill the room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And I'm officially calling life unfair. Veronica gets up. From the armchair, Keith puts on a brave front. KEITH: Well, we'll get 'em in twenty ten, folks. He starts to clap as Veronica comes to stand next to him. KEITH: Thanks for all the good work. Veronica settles on the arm of Keith's chair as he shakes hands with one of his campaign workers. CLIFF: Ah, look on the bright side: forty-nine percent of Neptune still likes you. Cliff gets up and they have a private moment. VERONICA: This wasn't how it shoulda gone. KEITH: Veronica, we did all we could. VERONICA: It wasn't even a contest until Lamb decided to make you a scapegoat for the bus crash. All we had to do was release the tape of the bus explosion- KEITH: Veronica, no. It was the best thing for the investigation. Veronica shakes her head. VERONICA: The best thing for the investigation would've been a competent sheriff. Keith nods, understanding she has a point, but not persuaded that she's right. KEITH: Honey, it's over. Go on to your boyfriend's party. Cliff, having found a bottle of something with which to refill his drink, returns to his seat. KEITH: I've got Cliff to keep me company, right Cliff? CLIFF: Right. I promise to hold his hair back if he has to make sick in the toilet. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT. Gia and Dick chat in a corner. GIA: You even know where your dad went? DICK: Let's just say I'm not at liberty to discuss. Our lawyers say if he ever sets foot on US soil he's lookin' at ten to fifteen at Club Fed. GIA: So you're all alone? Well what's that like, is it cool? Or, I guess weird. DICK: It's tough, you know, my real mom's got a new family up at Frisco, so I'm pretty much the man of the house, just tryin' to take care of Beav and stuff. Gia spots Veronica's arrival. GIA: 'Scuse me. She touches Dick's arm and then moves out of the corner to catch up with Veronica. GIA: Hey, Veronica. VERONICA: Hey Gia, have you seen Duncan? GIA: Hey, I'm sorry about your dad. It's such a drag. That other guy seems like a total knob. VERONICA: Yeah. Congrats on your old man. Guess that makes you, like, Neptune's First Daughter. Are you ready for all the parade waving and ribbon cutting? GIA: I thought I'd go more Bush twin style. You know, public drunkenness, sluttiness and minor scandals. Speaking of which, what do you think about Dick? VERONICA: Uh...Casablancas, I presume. Um, well, what can I say? She looks over at Dick. He is frantically pumping a barrel to get the last of the beer. VERONICA: Dick is just...Dick. Both look over at the sound of heavy footsteps. It's Deputy Sacks. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Deputy Sacks? Now that's ballsy: busting the mayor's kid's party on election night. Sacks heads for Logan, sitting on the sofa, drinking his beer. GIRL: What is he doing here? A couple on the sofa rise and move away as Sacks stops in front of Logan. SACKS: Sheriff would like to have a word with you. LOGAN: And I'd like to be the cream filling of an Olsen twin sandwich, but... SACKS: Will you come with me, please? LOGAN: If I'm under arrest, then do me the courtesy of making it all official-like. Logan looks over at Veronica, who is staring at Sacks with a concerned look. MAN: This is wrong, man. Sacks just shakes his head and reaches for his handcuffs. Logan jumps up and turns his back to Sacks. LOGAN: Oh yeah. SACKS: Logan Echolls. Sacks closes one of the cuffs on Logan's wrist. LOGAN: That's more like it. SACKS: You're under arrest for the murder of Felix Tombs. LOGAN: Whoo. I am having the weirdest déjà vu thing right now. Sacks finishes with the cuffs and lays his hand on Logan's shoulder, preparing to lead him out. SACKS: You have the right to remain silent. As Sacks pulls him round, Logan drops the act for a moment as he stares at Veronica, serious and scared. Sacks pulls him towards the door and the act is back. SACKS: Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. Logan grins at Sacks. SACKS: If you cannot find one, you'll be appointed one by the court. As they go, Duncan, in his argyle shirt, enters, carrying bottles of whiskey. He pauses as they pass him and watches them leave, concerned. He looks at Veronica, who stares after them. Dick comes up behind Duncan and raises his arms above his head. DICK: [cheerfully] Douche chill! He grins. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. The supporters have gone. Glasses and banners litter the small bookcase. Keith, sitting on his bed, is on the phone. SACKS: [offscreen] Sheriff's- KEITH: Sheriff Lamb, please. SACKS: [offscreen] Hey, Keith. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. Sacks is back at the office, sporting a Lamb campaign straw boater, the band of which bears Lamb's name. SACKS: Just a sec. Sacks turns and shouts towards Lamb's darkened office. SACKS: Keith Mars on the line! Lamb, sitting on the front of his desk, looks up at Sacks and indicates that Sacks should take a message. Lamb looks down. Logan, still handcuffed, is sitting on the chair in front of the desk. Logan looks out at Sacks, who returns his attention to the phone. SACKS: I gotta take a message. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. KEITH: Just, you know...good race, and all that. The usual pleasantries. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. SACKS: I'll pass it along, Keith. Sorry, things are just a little busy here right now. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. KEITH: Following up that lead on the bus crash, I hope. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. SACKS: Yeah. They're checkin' out the front end... INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. SACKS: [offscreen] ...the brakes, everything. KEITH: They brought up the bus? INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS (MI) - NIGHT. Veronica is in the hallway outside the office, digging into her bag for the keys. VERONICA VOICEOVER: In a night of bad surprises, I have one more I'd like to prevent. She comes to a halt as she sees the body and legs of a wino slumped against a wall in a small niche. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Great. Apparently we've hired a wino to guard our door. VERONICA: Um, I don't think you're allowed to- The wino pulls himself from around the corner of the niche. It's Abel Koontz. KOONTZ: Veronica Mars. VERONICA: Abel Koontz? Veronica can hardly believe it. She steps forward. Cut to Veronica opening the office door, bearing Koontz's weight. He pulls free, using the wall for support. KOONTZ: I need your help. VERONICA: I'm trying, I just-let's sit down. KOONTZ: No-it's my daughter. Amelia, she's missing, and I need your help to find her before I die. Veronica leads him further into the room, setting off a "trap." The surprise she came to deal with is revealed: balloons and confetti fall on them from the ceiling. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Abel Koontz, bloated and reeking from rotgut wine. Surprise! Opening credits. INT - MI - CONTINUING. Koontz is lying on the small sofa. KOONTZ: Amelia signed the settlement papers with Kane Software last spring. Veronica opens a filing cabinet drawer and pulls out a Yellow Pages. VERONICA: And what was the going rate for taking the fall for murder? She walks back to the sofa, sitting on the arm by Koontz's feet. KOONTZ: Three million. It was for Amelia. VERONICA: You don't think making herself scarce was part of the settlement? KOONTZ: I need you to find her. VERONICA: Why should I help you? KOONTZ: Because I'm begging you. I missed her twenty-first birthday, and I won't live to see her twenty-second. Koontz is close to tears. KOONTZ: Please? Veronica hardly seems to be listening and has picked up the phone. KOONTZ: What are you doing? VERONICA: Broke or not, there has to be a hospital that will take you. [into the telephone] Hi, I need bring someone in-where is your ER entrance? KOONTZ: Forget about me. Will you help me find my daughter? VERONICA: [into the telephone] Thank you. Veronica finishes her call and looks down at Koontz. She sighs. VERONICA: Only because you begged. Come on. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. The camera is trained on a dirty floor. OFFICER: [offscreen] Number four, step forward! A pair of feet take front and centre. Logan is in a line-up and is seen in a flipped shot, his voice coming through electronically. He treats his appearance as joke, channelling Sally Field's 1985 (misquoted) acceptance speech for her Best Actress Oscar. LOGAN: Oh, wow, I'm stunned. You like me! You really like me! The camera switches to the room LOGAN: Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals. And I wanna thank my agent... Lamb, smirking at the performance, knocks on the window in the door to the room. LOGAN: ...and my publicist, for always shooting me from the left side. Logan smiles winningly into the mirror, housing those on the other side. OFFICER: Let's go. LOGAN: [camp] Hmm. Cut to outside the line-up room. It's 9:35. Logan is sitting on a chair against the wall. A deputy watches, leaning against another wall. Lamb looms over Logan. LAMB: You might want to get a lawyer. LOGAN: What, for this charade? Just get me the first sober public defender you find in the hall, put the bail on my black AmEx, and call me a limo. Lamb leans down, getting more in Logan's face. LAMB: Actually, buddy, it's kinda hard to get bail without a hearing. And even if you make it before a judge, I draw a lotta water in town. And I got this feeling you might just get declared a flight risk. LOGAN: Hm? EXT - LOYOLA MARYMOUNT UNIVERSITY - DAY. Veronica strides across the busy campus. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Amelia held up her end of the deal with Jake Kane and vanished completely. Her paper trail dried up on May 27th, but it's been my experience that personal ties don't dry up so easily. And last I saw her, she was tied pretty tightly to a certain boyfriend. INT - LOYOLA MARYMOUNT UNIVERSITY - DAY. In one of the dorm hallways, past a large banner for something going down Monday night, Veronica approaches a door, number 38 or x38, which still bears a flier about "Open Door Week 2005" which took place on September 19-23. She knocks. The door is opened by a slightly dorky-looking guy in a t-shirt that says "France." VERONICA: Hi. Are you Mike? Cut to a little later as Mike grabs a second bottle of water from a surprisingly well-stocked fridge. MIKE: I don't know where she is. The last place I saw her was in Ibiza. He hands one bottle to Veronica who is sitting at the chair at his desk at the end of his bed. The room is a typical, if large, dorm room with posters covering the walls and CDs stacked on the desk. A small poster advertises an appearance by the Loons. One poster is a list of words (or bands maybe): "Shuddup Fool. Can't Escape. Fo' Sheezy. Camel Hump. You So Crazy. Secret Puppies. You Ain't All That. No Shiznit. {May U No Worz.} On the Two & Two." VERONICA: You mean like there's-Tara-Reid-passed-out-on-a-beach Ibiza? MIKE: Yeah. I just finished finals and she came up and said, hey, I got a whole bunch of money. VERONICA: Oh, patent settlement. It was complicated. Mike sits down on the end of the bed. MIKE: Well, we went to Europe. Ended up in Ibiza. I mean, we met fun people, we went to the beach every single day, tracked down all these cool parties on this big Ibiza website. It was cool. VERONICA: I'm sensing an until... MIKE: Well, one night we're at this club, right, one of these places that drop this foam crap on you at midnight. So we're there, we're hangin' out, they drop the foam, and...that was the last I saw of her. VERONICA: Did you check under the foam? MIKE: I had to call my parents to fly me home. It basically kind of sucked. VERONICA: Well, at least you got to go to Europe. MIKE: And all I got was this lousy t-shirt. VERONICA: So you're not...worried? MIKE: She ditched me, whatever. The girl's got three million bucks to keep her company. If she's really in trouble, she took all my phone cards, she could call me. But...I kinda doubt that's gonna happen. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay. Boyfriend ditched in Ibiza. Maybe Amelia's old roommate got the behind-the-scenes on that. EXT - LOYOLA MARYMOUNT UNIVERSITY - DAY. Veronica walks with Amelia's roommate, last seen in 117 Kanes and Abel's. DAWN: God, she really went to Ibiza? VERONICA VOICEOVER: Or maybe not. VERONICA: Did she contact you? Anything about where she might have been? DAWN: No, she just...you know, left. Ibiza. That is so weird. VERONICA: Weird? How so? DAWN: Well, she's hardly the Girls Gone Wild type. I practically had to put a gun to her head just to get her to do the Greek Booze Cruise last year. Or, maybe it's true what they say: money changes people. Cut to a little later. Dawn is gone and Veronica is walking across the campus again. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Ibiza. I'd follow up in person, but Dad's pretty conservative about fact-finding trips abroad. Veronica sees a man standing at a pay phone, getting something out of his wallet and pauses. INT - LOYOLA MARYMOUNT UNIVERSITY - DAY. Veronica knocks on Mike's door again. VERONICA: The calling cards Amelia took. Did you jot the numbers down anywhere? INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica is on the laptop in her bedroom. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So the thong stays in the closet and I hit the big Ibiza website. She's on Worldparty247.com, in Forums>Europe>Ibiza 24/7. Her user name is socalRoller87. She is creating a post entitled "Missing friend: Amelia Delongpre." The message she posts is "Looking for Amelia Delongpre, in Ibiza in August. Father ill. Please IM me with any info, thanks," and includes a picture of Amelia. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's time to see if any of the party people of Europe know where Amelia Delongpre might be. She picks up a small notebook on which is written: Phone Cards stolen by Amelia World Telecom - 09732261 -09736553 -19731183 -09746102. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Logan is in one of the interrogation rooms, his head resting in his arms on the desk. He's in handcuffs. The door opens and he looks up. Cliff enters. Logan sits up and grins as Cliff takes the seat opposite him. LOGAN: So, my tax dollars at work. Where were you, getting thirds at the Crazy Girls lunch buffet? CLIFF: Actually, they discontinued the buffet. Some health code thing. Cliff opens his file. CLIFF: Okay, my name is Cliff, I'll be your if-you-cannot-afford-an-attorney attorney. So. What are you trying to prove? LOGAN: Um...my innocence? CLIFF: No, I mean this "poor little rich boy" stunt. Having me represent you doesn't make you look innocent. It makes you look like an arrogant jackass. If the witness's story holds, you ARE going to trial. LOGAN: Hm. The guy's lying. Cliff consults the papers in front of him. CLIFF: June 27th, you gave testimony saying you couldn't remember a thing. Now he comes forward saying he saw you, bloody knife in hand, ranting like a maniac over a dead body. LOGAN: And what exactly did I say, huh? CLIFF: The expletive racial expletive had it maternal expletive coming. Logan nods and shrugs. CLIFF: But wait, there's more! You then threatened to use your father's money to have said witness killed. Now true or not, Logan, the Echolls name won't buy you a lot of jury love. Not to ment- Cliff is interrupted by the sound of his cell phone. He takes the call. CLIFF: It's Cliff. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica is still at her desk. VERONICA: Cliffy. Need a quick favour. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. CLIFF: No can do. I'm right in the middle- INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Cliff, come on, you owe me. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. CLIFF: I owe you? Who unconfiscated all your fake college IDs? INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Who got the Lincoln out of your ex's name? INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. CLIFF: Well, who helped put that lien against... INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica makes a face, as if this is a low blow. CLIFF: [offscreen] ...Lee's Walk-In Donut? VERONICA: And who proved that stripper was colour-blind? INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. This does the trick as Cliff is flustered and looks for clean sheet. Logan is reading up-side down from the papers. Cliff pulls it away. CLIFF: Okay, who am I calling and what am I giving them? VERONICA: [offscreen] World-Telecom. I texted you the number I need run. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Nothing melts an operator's heart like an overwrought Fred MacMurray. You're a stud, Cliff. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. CLIFF: Right. Cliff ends the call and checks his phone, holding a finger up to Logan. CLIFF: Just... Cliff dials. OPERATOR: World-Telecom. Cliff "does" Fred MacMurray. CLIFF: Hello? My...my daughter's disappeared. Logan, fiddling with the handcuffs, looks up in interest. CLIFF: She left her husband and ran off with some wild girlfriend, I think they got into some kind of trouble but I'm sure it's not her fault. Uh, the police said they were headed to Mexico, but no one's seen them. Logan grins and leans back in his chair. CLIFF: I just need to know if she's okay. Please, could you tell me if she's used her card? OPERATOR: Uh, what's the number, sir? (Note: no one of the numbers Veronica had written down.) CLIFF: Uh, oh-nine-two-two-three-three-four-six. LOGAN: Isn't that "Thelma and Louise"? Cliff shrugs. OPERATOR: Uh, yes, I have the information. CLIFF: Can you email that? OPERATOR: What's the address, sir? CLIFF: [email protected]. Logan blinks at that. OPERATOR: Yes, certainly. CLIFF: Thank you. OPERATOR: Good luck, sir. CLIFF: Bless you. Cliff ends the call. LOGAN: That daughter of yours sounds like a real handful. CLIFF: This? Is what I'm good at. Marquee murder cases...nah. Cliff starts gathering up his papers. CLIFF: Now Lamb wants to keep you here supposedly to ease community tensions, but really 'cause he's mean. Do the smart thing: put daddy's money to work and get a real lawyer. Or three. Cliff gets up from the table and leaves. Logan loses the attitude and sighs heavily. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica has her email screen. She has three unread emails, one from mrkavalos@... "Re: Assignment Extension," one from jessica.peale... "English Homework," and the third from Alicia Roldan "Fwd: CUTE pics." She has selected to view the one from World-Telecom "World-Telecom Calling Card Inquiry," It's dated November 2, 2005 5:40:56 PM PST. The reference is Calling Card: 4473829 26378 Activated: 06/23/05 15:45:09. There follows a list of each time the card was used (date/time), the duration, the number and location from which the call was made and the number and location to which it was made. The calls start the day after it was activated from a number in New York (twice, to Las Vegas and London), from London (three times, to Las Vegas, Paris and Prague), from Paris (three times, to a local number, Las Vegas and another place that may be Prague again). The Las Vegas number is 1.6195550142 VERONICA VOICEOVER: So Cliff comes through again, but the calling card records aren't telling me anything I don't already know. Ibiza... On screen, there are more locations from which calls were made - three from Tuscany, three from Florence, three from Lisbon, followed by five calls from Ibiza. VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...Ibiza, Ibiza...Neptune? Last week? The very last call was of one minute, fifty-four seconds duration from 1.6195550172 to 1.6195550163. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Lamb escorts Logan down the corridor to the cell that is opened by a deputy. Logan stops on the way to look through the window of a door. Lamb puts his hands on Logan's shoulders and steers him to the barred cell, giving him a bit of a massage and a pat as he pushes him into the cell. As the bars slide shut, Logan reaches back and pats the spot himself, just taking in the man sitting at the end of the cell before turning back to Lamb. LOGAN: [smirking] So, uh, when do I get my conjugal visit? LAMB: It's up to your new roommate. Lamb nods his head to indicate into the cell and bats his eyelashes as Logan. Logan looks around to the back of the cell. The big, burly man looks up at Logan. Lamb glances behind Logan as voice sounds out. AARON: Logan? As Lamb observes with interest, Logan turns round and stares at his father in disbelief. Cut to a little later. Lamb is gone. Logan and Aaron stand in the cell, staring at each other. AARON: What are you doing here? LOGAN: Come on, Pops. Jail's where they put accused murderers. You remember that crap from the summer. Why are you here? A buzzer sounds, indicating the opening of the corridor door, presumably Lamb leaving. AARON: They transferred me out of County this morning. I guess our sheriff has a soft spot for family, huh? Well! Ha, guess I know what it takes to get a visit out of you. Those special times with your emancipation paperwork don't really count. LOGAN: I just need a little time to work through how you bashed my girlfriend's skull in. AARON: Look, Logan...I made an unforgivable mistake, but I am not a murderer. LOGAN: Ohhh! So you merely plowed my girlfriend and taped it for your home collection. AARON: I don't expect any sympathy from you. LOGAN: That's good. AARON: You-you have no idea- Logan, with barely a grasp on his emotions, walks around and away from Aaron. AARON: You have no idea what actually happened that day! Logan stands by the barred window, looking out. LOGAN: Pop, I have a pretty good idea. AARON: No no, Keith Mars got it partly right. Yeah, okay, Lilly and I fought, I followed her home, but not to hurt her, I swear to God! Duncan found us. Logan does his sarcastic open-mouthed smile. AARON: He-he must've heard everything, because he was furious, he-he was out of his mind, I mean he was ranting and raving, I- LOGAN: So, what, Duncan killed Lilly? Wow. AARON: All I know is I got out. The next thing, it was all over the news. LOGAN: So you tried to kill another girl. Also a girlfriend of mine-what, to maintain your innocence? AARON: I, I just snapped. Logan, I-I lost it. But... Logan shakes his head and a despairing laugh escapes him. Aaron sighs heavily, throwing his hand in the air. AARON: You don't believe me. Why should a jury believe me? Maybe my life IS over. Logan's voice nearly cracks. LOGAN: It may be. AARON: But you shouldn't throw yours away just to spite me. The buzzer in the corridor sounds again. AARON: Come on, Logan. Let me help you. Let me call some guys down at the firm. LOGAN: They gave me a lawyer. AARON: A real lawyer, not some public servant with a mail-order diploma and a three hundred dollar suit. Footsteps come to a stop at the cell door. CLIFF: Two for five hundred, actually, but your point remains valid. You. He indicates Logan and waggles his finger, beckoning him to the door. CLIFF: You got bail. Let's go. Logan is surprised. LOGAN: Bail? What? How? You said, you said my name wouldn't buy me- CLIFF: Judge Bloom and I schvitz at the same gym. I'll be billing you for a case of cohibas and a four-handed Thai massage. There's also the matter of a two hundred thousand dollar bond, so: chip, how 'bout you thank me by takin' the old block's advice? Get a new lawyer. Logan looks at his father who nods his head. Logan thinks for a moment before looking back at Cliff. LOGAN: Well, you're kinda winnin' me over. EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - DAY. Veronica is at a pay phone, checking the number with a slip of paper in her hand. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Being a private eye is all about connecting the dots. Sometimes, that's difficult. She turns and the camera shows she is outside Kane Software. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sometimes it's not. When a girl goes missing after taking hush money from Kane Software, then unexpectedly reappears to use the pay phone across the street, there's only one person to talk to. INT - KANE SOFTWARE - DAY. Clarence Wiedman walks past office workers, looking fierce. He pauses when he sees the reception desk unattended. A flustered receptionist is just returning. WIEDMAN: Where have you been? ASSISTANT: Sorry, sir, someone just called and said they were towing my car. The camera shows the door of Wiedman's office ajar. (Note, this is a new office or a new door, as it is glass and not the wood seen in 111 Silence of the Lamb.) Wiedman enters his office and halts when he sees Veronica sitting in his chair with her feet up on his desk. There is a bank of security screens behind her, showing a multitude of live camera shots around the building, including a person walking up a spiral staircase. VERONICA: What are you the head of again? Wiedman marches to his desk as Veronica vacates his chair. He stands at his desk as Veronica moves round to the front of it. VERONICA: This is it? I would've thought that helping your billionaire boss cover up his daughter's murder woulda snagged you a better office. Or at least a plaque. WIEDMAN: What are you doing here? VERONICA: I am looking for someone. Maybe you've seen her? Amelia DeLongpre? Veronica falls onto the chair at the front of his desk, arms folded. WIEDMAN: Why would you think I know anything about her whereabouts? VERONICA: Maybe because you're the person who bribed her to disappear. Wiedman sits down at his desk. WIEDMAN: If by that you mean track her down at the motel where you hid her so she could sign paperwork for a legal settlement- VERONICA: Or maybe because she popped up last week to make a call from the payphone across the street. WIEDMAN: Not to me. And what business is it of mine where she makes her phone calls? I have no further interest in Amelia DeLongpre. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work and you have to get back to minding your own business. Veronica pulls a "get you" face. Wiedman picks up his phone. WIEDMAN: Or do I need to, uh... VERONICA: No need to call yourself to escort me out. You know I know the drill. Veronica rises and exits the office. Wiedman watches her go. At the door, Veronica glances back at him with a smirk. INT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), HALLWAY - DAY. Dick is at his locker. The inside door of his locker has "Dick!" written on it. Duncan is leaning against the next door locker, waiting for him, and playing with a small football. DICK: If you drink it, you get a shirt. DUNCAN: Why do I want a Señor Shrimp shirt? DICK: It's a shrimp and he's saying "Eat me." It's awesome, we gotta go. Dick play-punches Duncan's arm as they laugh. Weevil, with more chest tattoo than ever and leading two other bikers, intercedes as he approaches them. WEEVIL: Yeah, bro, make sure you bring cigarettes and toilet paper, 'kay? Duncan gives Dick a puzzled look. WEEVIL: You're talkin' about visiting your buddy Logan in jail, right? DICK: Uh, we were talkin' about Señor Shrimp. Duncan scoffs. WEEVIL: Well, you might wanna drop in anyway, 'cause now they got a witness to your boy killin' Felix and they're gonna hold him. Jail can be scary place for such a...sensitive boy. DICK: Wait...did I miss a state proposition or something? Is it now a crime to kill a Mexican? One of the bikers takes offence and points at Dick over Weevil's shoulder as Duncan leads him away. THUMPER: Man, that guy needs an ass kicking! I think it'd actually make him a better person. The group carries on down the hallway and are joined by a sour-looking Hector. WEEVIL: Hey, why the long face? Somebody rip down your J. Lo calendar? HECTOR: You didn't hear. Logan made bail in like two minutes. Walked out. THUMPER: Damn, man, you see? These white boys get away with everything. We shoulda done somethin' about that guy months ago. Weevil holds out a cautionary hand. HECTOR: Seriously, bro. People are sayin' stuff, man. WEEVIL: What do you mean, "stuff"? HECTOR: I mean, my little brother the other day asked me if it's true that PCH stands for Panty Club for Homos. Yeah. Heard it at school. WEEVIL: Well, maybe it is time we did somethin' about Logan Echolls. Elsewhere in the hallway, at Duncan's locker, Veronica joins Duncan and Dick. VERONICA: Hey. DUNCAN: Hey! Veronica kisses Duncan. DICK: Ew? DUNCAN: So which is a better place: Chasers or Señor Shrimp? VERONICA: For what? Watching sorority girls stumble? DUNCAN: Embom is getting us new fake IDs. DICK: He got 'em, I saw 'em, they're awesome. But, I guess we're all from Rhode Island, so remember, we're tourists. Veronica gets an idea. DUNCAN: You disapprove. VERONICA: No, uh, it's awesome, I just left something. I'll see you in class? Veronica leaves them at the locker, walking away as she gets out her phone and punches in a number. VERONICA: Dawn, it's Veronica Mars. Um, so when you and Amelia went on the Booze Cruise last year she was only twenty, she must have had a fake ID. Veronica listens for a moment. VERONICA: Her cousin. And what's her cousin's name? INT - MARS RESIDENCE. Veronica is on PryingEyez. She has typed in "Margot Schnell." VERONICA VOICEOVER: Margot Schnell. The search completes. Margot's previous address is displayed as 8001 Dutch Elm Drive, Los Angeles, CA 91221. A credit report shows $500.00 - Lariat Rental Car, San Diego Airport, Ca - posted 10-27-20xx, $213.89 - Utopian Financial, New York, NY and $11,717.66 - Outstanding student loan. The record from the Division of Motor Vehicles indicates a $125 fine for speeding in LA County on 10-02-2000. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Bingo. Rented a car at the San Diego airport last week. EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - NIGHT. Logan is in the back of the sheriff's car. Lamb is driving. LOGAN: The best thing about two days in jail? Two days' worth of Ellen on the TiVo. That's sweet viewing. Lamb isn't listening, more intent on the radio in the background. POLICE DISPATCHER: Roger that, ten-seventy up on Muir. LAMB: What's your address again? EXT - ECHOLLS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. They pull up outside the gates. There are other vehicles there from the sheriff's department. The house is in flames. Lamb gets out of the car, gazing at the scene. He lets Logan out of the back. Logan walks forward and sees the destruction. Lamb stands next to him. Logan is devastated. LAMB: That's gonna mess up your TiVo. INT - LARIAT RENTAL CAR - NIGHT. Behind the counter, Douglas finishes serving a couple. DOUGLAS: There you go. Okay. Veronica, hair in a ponytail at the back, approaches the counter. VERONICA: Hi. I'm hoping you can help me. DOUGLAS: Well, the good news is, that's just what I'm here for. VERONICA: Looks like I totally got the right guy. Veronica, turning on the charm, points to Douglas's "Employee of the month" picture behind him. He grins inanely. VERONICA: Okay, here's my thing: my friend, she rented the coolest car from you guys, and some of us were going up to see the Staind show, and I wanted to find out what it was so that I could rent one for us to roadtrip. DOUGLAS: Okay, what's the name? He starts to type at his computer. VERONICA: Margot. Schnell. Margot with a "t," Schnell is- DOUGLAS: It means fast. In German. VERONICA: Wow. You speak German? DOUGLAS: "Jawohl." [Translation: emphatic "yes"] Okay, uh, that's a LeSabre. VERONICA: And what did they call that awesome colour? It was... DOUGLAS: White? That's called white. VERONICA: Yup. DOUGLAS: Yeah. That particular car is rented right now, but I can get you a Regal with moonroof in teal for two-fifty a week, not including tax and liability, which'd be a great way to go and see Stain. VERONICA: Duh. Stain-duh. Gosh, that is more than I thought. Um, you wouldn't happen to have anything more like...forty? DOUGLAS: [severely] No. VERONICA: [abashed] Oh. EXT - LARIAT RENTAL CAR - CONTINUING. Veronica exits and walks around the corner of the building. She looks back and then takes off her jacket, changing it for another. VERONICA VOICEOVER: This routine used to be a tag team number, but with Wallace still AWOL, now it's a one-woman show. She lets her hair down. Inside, Douglas is chewing out a colleague. DOUGLAS: Okay? I'm here, I'm double me, there's two of me. Veronica watches as the co-worker slinks off and Douglas leaves the building, checking his watch and not noticing Veronica, now wearing glasses and in a different jacket with her back to him. As soon as he is gone, Veronica marches back in and rushes up to the girl. VERONICA: You have to help me. STACY: What's the problem? VERONICA: Well, to begin with, my colleague is an unbearable Nazi who couldn't find his own ass with a mirror and a miner's hat. Kinda like that guy, you know? Veronica is referring to Douglas, as seen in another "Employee of the month" picture behind Stacy. Stacy smirks. VERONICA: Long story short, I'm doing this big presentation, I'm about to crush him for the promotion, and I realized I left my laptop in the rental, and I'm totally screwed. You have to help me. STACY: Do you remember the car? VERONICA: It was a white LeSabre, I turned it in last week. Stacy uses her keyboard. STACY: Well, it's rented out now, I mean, it could be anywhere. VERONICA: You don't have a number, no... Veronica looks around. VERONICA: Um... Veronica looks down and sees one of the company's mats which advertises satellite tracking as standard equipment. She taps the words. VERONICA: OnStar! Don't you have some sort of special button, or something? STACY: We're not really supposed to do that. VERONICA: Well, the world is not supposed to be totally unfair, either, but... [desperately] this jackass can't win! As she says this, Veronica's eyes dart back to the picture of Douglas. Stacy sighs and glances over at the picture. She looks around surreptitiously before picking up the phone. Veronica's guise drops long enough for a triumphant smile. STACY: Hi, I'm calling from San Diego, uh, I'm trying to locate a car, code is nine-two-three-four-seven. Stacy listens for a moment, then holds her hand over the mouthpiece as she addresses Veronica. STACY: They're not getting a signal. It usually means they're in a parking garage or something. VERONICA: Is there anything? STACY: Has there been activity on...oh, can you give me that? As Stacy listens, she unfolds a map. She holds the phone from her ear to talk to Veronica. STACY: They did a remote unlock, which means they have GPS co-ordinates from that. She returns to the phone. STACY: Okay, thank you very much. Stacy ends the call. She shows Veronica the map. STACY: Okay. So two days ago, they were right here. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Waverley, California? VERONICA: Thank you so much. Please call if you know anything else. Veronica hands Stacy a card and takes the map. She walks away. STACY: I hope your boss gets canned. Veronica turns and grins back at her. VERONICA: Yours too. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. Lamb is at his desk, drinking coffee (probably) and viewing his computer screen. Keith walks in, slams the door and takes a seat in front of Lamb's desk. KEITH: So what'd you find? LAMB: I'm sorry, what? KEITH: You brought up the bus. I wanna know if your forensic guys found any evidence of an explosion. LAMB: Look Keith, when you called on Tuesday night to concede-I'm sorry I missed the call, by the way-I figured you were also conceding your involvement in this case. Keith stands. KEITH: If I didn't turn over that voicemail Veronica found, that bus would still be on the bottom of the sea. LAMB: Keith. We're on it. Maybe you should worry a little less about the bus and a little more about your daughter. KEITH: What's that supposed to mean? LAMB: She didn't tell you. [enjoying himself] And you two seem so close. KEITH: [impatiently] Tell me what? LAMB: It was a couple weeks back. We had Veronica down to the station. Right. Something about her name written on a guy's hand. A guy who washed up on the beach. Forget it, she said it was nothing, so... Lamb shrugs, knowing full well that Keith is gutted by the information. LAMB: You know kids these days. EXT - PALM TREE LODGE MOTEL - NIGHT. The LeBaron pulls up at a seedy motel. Veronica drops the map and checks the GPS on her tracker. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay. So now I know two things: where Amelia was two days ago, and why I've never heard of Waverley, California. She drives on in to park, passing the sign offering the usual facilities: clean, non-smoking rooms, cable TV, and direct dial phones. INT - PALM TREE LODGE MOTEL - NIGHT. Veronica enters the reception room where a man even seedier than the motel is staring intently at his computer screen. He doesn't acknowledge Veronica. She peers around his monitor to see his screen. VERONICA: Actually, there's no "o" in "naughty." MANAGER: It's "knotty" with a "k" like in pine. I-i-it's research. VERONICA: Knotty schoolgirls. What will they think of next? MANAGER: You want a room? [SCENE_BREAK] He holds up the placard that sits on the desk, citing the single room rate as $30.00. MANAGER: It's thirty bucks a night. VERONICA: Actually, I'm looking for someone. MANAGER: Well if it's me, congratulations. Otherwise, unless you get lucky at the Gas-N-Sip, your options are pretty limited around here. VERONICA: It's a friend. She probably passed through here in the last couple days. Veronica holds up a picture. VERONICA: Have you seen her? MANAGER: Yeah. Yeah, she got a room a couple a days ago. VERONICA: Can I see the room she stayed in? MANAGER: Like I said. He picks up the placard again, this time waving it gently, like a pendulum. MANAGER: Rooms thirty dollars a night. Veronica huffs but reaches into her bag for the money. Cut to Veronica opening the door to the room. It's large, with a number of pictures on the walls. Veronica looks around carefully. VERONICA VOICEOVER: You've got millions of dollars and you've been partying all across Europe. What brings you here? Having checked the bathroom, she cautiously walks towards the open closet. She jumps when her cell rings. She digs it out of her bag, checks the ID and smiles as she answers. VERONICA: Hey Dad. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Keith is pacing in Veronica's room. KEITH: Where are you? VERONICA: [offscreen] What? I'm- KEITH: [insistent] Where are you right now? INT - PALM TREE LODGE MOTEL - CONTINUING. The camera switches between the two locations throughout the call. Veronica glances around the room. VERONICA: I'm shopping in a, a funny little art gallery downtown. KEITH: Show me. VERONICA: Dad, I don't know how I'm supposed to- KEITH: Take a picture, send it to me, then I'll relax. And when you come home, you can tell me about the dead guy on the beach. How could you keep this from me? Veronica hesitates. VERONICA: I didn't want you to worry. KEITH: About what? What did you find? VERONICA: The guy on the beach is David Moran, a.k.a. Curly. He knew Aaron Echolls from way back. He knew how to make a bus crash. KEITH: What do you mean? VERONICA: He was a stunt man. On a movie called "The Long Haul". KEITH: It was Aaron's first big hit. And you-you really think... VERONICA: I don't know. I don't know. [voice wobbling] But if it's true, if...Aaron was really trying to take out a witness, then that means all those kids died because of me. And trying to figure it out is the only thing keeping me from going insane crazy. Otherwise I'd just obsess about it twenty-four hours a day. KEITH: Yeah. I know the feeling. It's called being a parent. You send me that picture, and we'll talk when you get home. Veronica turns off the phone. Cut to her a few minutes later. She has placed all the pictures in the room on one wall, balancing three on top of three that are hanging. She sets the camera and poses by them. She takes the camera. A few moments later, she sits on the bed with her laptop, sending the picture. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Is this what they imagined when they invented all this technology? A digital leash for a nervous parent? Veronica sends the picture to Keith via the laptop and her Sidekick, entitling the email "Digital Leash." As it disappears from the screen, another window opens: "Found Bluetooth signal. 'Amelia's Palm'." VERONICA VOICEOVER: And speaking of technology, my Bluetooth connection is detecting Amelia's Palm Pilot. Maximum range, thirty feet. Veronica looks around the room. Cut to her returning to the manager. She grins at him. VERONICA: Sorry to interrupt the research. Is there anyone staying in the room past mine? Without taking his eyes off his computer screen, he points to the placard. MANAGER: Rooms. Are. Thirty. Dollars. Veronica stares at him, rolls her eyes and reaches into her back pocket for her wallet. Cut to her opening the door to room 109. She flicks on the light switch. It is another generously proportioned rooms. She checks it and the bathroom but finds nothing. It's back to the manager. She stands at the door. VERONICA: Can I see the room this side of mine? Again without lifting his eyes from his researches, he points to the placard. He picks it up and waves it. Cut to a moment later as Veronica enters room 111, the lamps of which are on and she views the room from the door. She exits in exasperation. EXT - PALM TREE LODGE MOTEL - CONTINUING. Veronica walks a few yards from the door and looks around. She hears the churn of the ice machine. She walks over to it slowly. She opens the cover and looks down at the ice. She reaches in, rummaging through the ice. Her rummaging reveals a hand. Veronica jerks back with a gasp and drops the cover. INT - PALM TREE LODGE MOTEL - CONTINUING. Veronica races into the first room she rented, room 110. She grabs her Sidekick and starts to punch in numbers. Behind her, Clarence Wiedman steps into the room and slams the door shut. WIEDMAN: I thought I told you to mind your own business. Veronica freezes and the scene blacks out. On return, Veronica is facing Wiedman. VERONICA: My father knows where I am and what I'm doing, he knows- WIEDMAN: I'm guessing that was her. Amelia? In the ice machine? Veronica starts to punch some more numbers into her phone. WIEDMAN: Wait. She pauses and looks up at him. Wiedman steps further into the room, sitting on the desk inside. WIEDMAN: I wasn't entirely upfront with you, the other day. Amelia signed her papers and disappeared, just like I said. I considered the matter settled, until... VERONICA: Until she made a call from the payphone across the street. WIEDMAN: No, that was the second call to arrange for the pickup. The first call was to extort an additional quarter-million from Kane Software. VERONICA: She wanted more money? She got three million bucks six months ago. WIEDMAN: I gave her the money, marked bills, under the condition that she disappear until the Kanes' legal issues were settled. But a week after she's supposed to be on a plane, marked bills started showing up here. Cut to manager's office. Veronica and Wiedman approach the desk. MANAGER: So, you did find someone at the Gas-N-Sip. And now you need a room. VERONICA: Was anyone else in here two nights ago, did you see anyone with her? MANAGER: Why? Is he missin' a friend too? WIEDMAN: Answer the question or I'll break all your fingers. MANAGER: J-just the guy she come in with. Veronica throws him an offended look. MANAGER: What? You didn't ask! VERONICA: What did he look like? MANAGER: Brown hair, medium size, a t-shirt. Veronica's face shows she knows who he is talking about. WIEDMAN: Thank you. They exit, the manager watching them go. MANAGER: You're welcome. EXT - PALM TREE LODGE MOTEL - CONTINUING. WIEDMAN: That description rings a bell? VERONICA: Yeah. WIEDMAN: I need you to take me to this person. VERONICA: But, what about- Veronica indicates the ice machine which they are passing at a brisk pace as Wiedman leads them on. WIEDMAN: No, I'll deal with the cops. All right? I need to get a better handle on this before things go too public. VERONICA: But- He leaves her standing. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. The door opens to an interrogation room. Aaron is brought in by a deputy. Keith is waiting, standing by the opposite wall. Aaron turns and looks at the deputy. AARON: Just two chairs? The deputy nods. Aaron turns and looks back into the room. AARON: Where's my lawyer going to sit? KEITH: Oh, it's an unofficial visit. Just me and the guard who will deny I was ever here. AARON: Ah. Aaron looks at the deputy who just barely nods in acknowledgement of the truth of Keith's statement. AARON: Well, in that case, I hope you won't mind carrying the conversation. Aaron sits down at the table in the middle of the room. KEITH: No, have it your way. You look good. What do you got goin' on? Some weights, little cardio? AARON: Well, I got a lot of free time. Aaron does a small chuckle. Keith smiles at him as he talks. AARON: I just got my psychology degree. And now I'm reading the Russian masters. Tolstoy, Turgenev, you know. So, did you come out here to talk self-improvement? Keith sits opposite him. KEITH: I'm here because of my daughter. AARON: Oh, well, now that's funny: so am I. So did you come here today to thank me, Keith? You know, for your fifteen minutes? 'Cause if it wasn't for me, no one would have bought that hack book of yours. He laughs softly. Keith's expression shows he is not amused. Aaron thinks on it. AARON: Uh...I guess you didn't come to thank me. Maybe, maybe you just came here to gloat, hm? Keith keeps his face impassive, almost curious. AARON: No, that doesn't seem like you much either. Why did you come here, Keith? KEITH: Former employee shows up dead, sabotaged school bus goes over a cliff, and I start to worry about Veronica's safety. AARON: [incredulous] Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You think I had something to do with the crash? Hoo. Hoo hoo, you are priceless, Keith! You know, did they give you enough press, you'd find a way to put me on the grassy knoll. KEITH: Truth is... Keith rises to his feet. KEITH: I don't care if you're behind the crash or not. I just want you to know that if anything happens to my daughter in say, the next seventy, eighty years? You're the one who's gonna pay for it. AARON: Now, did you come all the way out here just to give me that tough guy speech? KEITH: [quietly] No, I came all the way out here to show how easily I can get to you. So just...file that away. Aaron recognises Keith's determination and stares at him as he leaves the room. A loud knock is heard. INT - LOYOLA MARYMOUNT UNIVERSITY - DAY. Mike is working at his desk. He turns at hearing the knock and looks over at the door. He gets up, walks over to the door and looks through the peephole. He grins and opens the door. Veronica is there, smiling. MIKE: Hey, what's goin' on? Between Veronica and another Loons poster Mike has on the wall by the door, Wiedman suddenly appears out of nowhere. He grabs Mike by the back of the neck and stuffs a rag in his mouth. He starts to force him across the room to the window. VERONICA: Wait, what are you doing? You said you were just gonna ask him some questions! Wiedman pushes Mike out of the window, dangling upside down (ala "A Fish Called Wanda" or "LA Confidential"), kept from falling by Wiedman's hands firmly clenching his shirt. Mike looks down, terrified. WIEDMAN: I'm gonna ask you some yes or no questions, do you understand? Mike, temporarily distracted by the ground, doesn't immediately respond. Wiedman shakes him. Mike looks up at Wiedman. WIEDMAN: Do you understand? Mike nods his head emphatically. WIEDMAN: Have you seen Amelia DeLongpre in the last two weeks? Mike shakes his head. WIEDMAN: Did you conspire with her to blackmail Kane Software? Mike's "What?" is smothered by the rag in his mouth. He shakes his head vigorously. Veronica's protestations grow increasingly panicked. VERONICA: He doesn't know anything! If he falls, he's gonna break his neck! WIEDMAN: Did you conspire with her to blackmail Kane Software? Desperate sounds come from Mike's throat as he shakes his head even more vigorously. WIEDMAN: Did you kill Amelia DeLongpre? Mike's guttural denial and head indicate an answer in the negative. Cut to the hallway a few moments later. Veronica, in contrast to her display in Mike's room, is cold and calm. VERONICA: Wow. Where'd you learn that interrogation technique? WIEDMAN: Harvard. That's a pretty convincing hysterical routine you got. Where'd you learn that? VERONICA: Watching cheerleading tryout results. Do you think he did it? WIEDMAN: No. No one's that good a liar. EXT - NHS, LUNCH AREA - DAY. Logan is showing off his ankle tag to Dick while they eat pizza. LOGAN: And the other sweet thing is I'm in constant video contact with Martha Stewart, right? Behind him, Weevil, Thumper, Hector and a random biker approach. WEEVIL: Hey! Logan doesn't hear and/or react and carries on his discussion with Dick. LOGAN: Kinda like a Dick Tracy kinda thing. Weevil stops in front of him, holding out a piece of paper. WEEVIL: What the hell is this, {man.} Logan drops his pizza and takes the paper. He glances at it. LOGAN: Hm. He looks up at Weevil. LOGAN: Esta? Una? He shrugs. He turns to Dick. LOGAN: What is their word for "paper"? DICK: Uh, pay-pair-o. Logan smirks at that. Weevil and the bikers are not amused. LOGAN: Okay, I'll translate, just don't tell the ESL teacher I helped you cheat. He turns his attention back to the paper. LOGAN: That's an eviction notice. WEEVIL: You bought my grandmother's house? LOGAN: That's right. Su casa is mi casa. But in my defence, Weevil, I do need a new one. Logan puts the eviction notice down on the table. LOGAN: You might have heard my former domicile was, uh, burned quite unexpectedly. WEEVIL: If you kick my family out- LOGAN: Oh, have it your way, we'll all live together in one big wacky sitcom family. On second thought, I'm kicking you out. And on third thought, I wouldn't live in that roach motel if you put a gun to my- As he talks, Logan picks up his pizza, about to take a bite. Weevil snaps and shoves it into Logan's face. COACH: [offscreen] Hey! Dick and Logan get to their feet as the tension hikes up to max. Logan throws his pizza on the table and, with pizza on his cheek, faces Weevil, all twisted humour extinguished. LOGAN: I was enjoying that. WEEVIL: Not as much as I'm going to enjoy this. LOGAN: Oh yeah. Weevil goes for him and Logan reciprocates and behind them, Dick starts to in with Hector. The fight is broken up by the arrival of the teacher-of-all-traces including coach, last seen breaking them up in 121 A Trip to the Dentist. He gets between them. COACH: Hey, hey, hey! Break it up! Logan wipes the pizza off his face with his finger, licking it. COACH: Come on, guys. School is not the place for this kind of thing. LOGAN: You hear that? School is a place of learning. WEEVIL: [seething] Yeah, you might want to think what prison is a place of. The coach stares down at Weevil, his hand clenched in a vibrating fist as a gesture of telling Weevil to hold in his anger. Weevil storms off. The coach looks at Logan as he continues wiping the pizza off his face. Logan shrugs. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica stares sadly at her laptop. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I usually digest a week like this a little help from Wallace. I still do, but now the conversation is a bit flat and one-sided. On the screen is her email to Wallace, entitled "Where you at?" being sent on her [email protected] account. She has misspelled Fennel, adding an extra L. VERONICA VOICEOVER: "Dear Wallace. Me again, with the latest news you've been missing. Keith Mars loses sheriff's race by a nose. Logan Echolls jailed for... Veronica has a Buddy List window open although there is no chat in it and it is not possible (for me anyway) to read the name of her buddy. On her screen another window opens, inviting her to a video chat with enriqueFreaque69. Veronica accepts by clicking on the camera icon and attaching the video camera on her screen. A blonde appears in the window, speaking with a French (or Swiss or Flemish) accent. ENRIQUEFREAQUE69: Are you Veronica? Veronica expands the video picture which now includes a smaller video of herself in the corner (although this can't be from the camera attached to her screen as it shows the view of Veronica at her laptop with that camera in shot - whoops). VERONICA: [cautiously] Yes. ENRIQUEFREAQUE69: I saw your post on Ibiza forum. Is this the girl you're looking for? Veronica punches a few keys. She brings up a photo. Amelia is in the centre of a picture of seven people on a beach. From left to right there is a girl with a flowery sarong around her waist, a guy in sunglasses, Mike, Amelia, a guy in a yellow t-shirt with a soul patch, a girl in a blue bikini and an older guy. VERONICA: That's her, but actually, um, she's been found, but thanks- On screen, Veronica's video insert picture is now correctly from the small camera she attached. ENRIQUEFREAQUE69: Tell me she's not still with that boyfriend. VERONICA: The guy next to her in the picture? ENRIQUEFREAQUE69: Yeah. He seems cool, but I've never seen a guy lie right into your face and you'd never guess. Veronica shows concern. And revelation. INT - PALM TREE LODGE MOTEL - CONTINUING. The manager is in his usual place, glued to his computer screen. The phone rings. MANAGER: Palm Tree Lodge. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. The camera continues to cut between the two. VERONICA: Hi, remember me? The blonde? MANAGER: Holy crap! You know the cops were just- VERONICA: I know. I'm guessing you're on email right now. What's your address? MANAGER: Nightman one-twenty-two at aol dot com. Veronica forwards the picture to him in an email dated Wednesday, November 9, 2005 9:25PM, entitled "Missing Girl." VERONICA: The guy in the white Buick, the night the redhead was there, is that him in the picture? MANAGER: Yeah, that's him. But he didn't have that beard thing and his-his hair was a lot shorter. Veronica looks at the picture. Mike doesn't have a beard and she realises that he is talking about the guy in the yellow t-shirt with the soul patch. Veronica lowers the phone and re-establishes contact with the French girl. VERONICA: Hi, it's me again. Amelia's boyfriend, did he have a little beard thing right here? Veronica's inset shot on screen is back to being one that couldn't have come from the video camera - whoops again. ENRIQUEFREAQUE69: Yeah. VERONICA: [urgently] Do you remember his name? INT - KANE SOFTWARE - NIGHT. Wiedman prowls the corridors. His cell rings. He answers. WIEDMAN: Clarence Wiedman. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: The killer, his name is Carlos Mercado. WIEDMAN: [offscreen] Good. INT - KANE SOFTWARE - NIGHT. Wiedman climbs the spiral steps seen earlier on his surveillance screen. WIEDMAN: Some of the marked bills showed up at Caesar's Palace. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. WIEDMAN: [offscreen] Now we have a name and a place. VERONICA: All you need, but...he's a diplomat's son, Clarence. He'll be... INT - KANE SOFTWARE - NIGHT. Wiedman pauses near the top of the stairs. VERONICA: [offscreen] ...extradited to Argentina. WIEDMAN: That depends on what happens at the casino. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: What are you gonna do? WIEDMAN: [offscreen] You know the drill, Veronica. INT - KANE SOFTWARE - NIGHT. Wiedman looks intently around. WIEDMAN: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica doesn't respond. INT - HOSPITAL - NIGHT. Veronica walks slowly along a corridor. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, I did what Abel Koontz asked. But how do you tell a dying man that the daughter he was looking for is gone? That the millions he sacrificed his own life to give her only led to her death? She reaches a male nurse behind a desk. VERONICA: Excuse me, nurse, um, Abel Koontz? How's he doing? The nurse checks his screen. NURSE: A day or two if he's lucky. VERONICA: [softly] Thank you. She moves away from the desk and within moments, is in Abel's room, where the time on the clock on the wall says it's 7:15. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Answer: you don't. VERONICA: She's trying to make it. They just had an early snow this year, so she's just waiting for a helicopter. Koontz is weak, lying on his bed, a tube across his nose. KOONTZ: But she's happy? VERONICA: Yeah. Hoofing the Himalayas isn't exactly my idea of a good time, but she seemed to love it. Koontz holds out his hand and after the briefest of hesitations, Veronica takes it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: In a family full of well-intentioned lies, one more won't hurt. She sits on the bed and sighs before looks down at him. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE. Veronica enters the suite. VERONICA VOICEOVER: At least, at the end of the day, I get to curl up with my adorable, honest boyfriend. Veronica smiles at the argyle-shirted body, laid out on the couch with a magazine over his head. She climbs on top of him and rests her head on his chest with a contented sigh. One of his arms, and then the other fall onto her to hold her, one hand clasping his wrist on her back. Veronica's eyes open in shock. LOGAN: It's the sweater, isn't it? Veronica rips the magazine, "Surf Life," off his face. LOGAN: Chicks can't resist argyle. VERONICA: Please let go of me. Logan unclasps his hand. Veronica scrambles off of him. LOGAN: Ever the tease. As Logan makes to get up, Veronica hears footsteps behind her and turns to face Duncan. VERONICA: What is he doing here? Logan appears next to her as he gets to his feet. He glances down at her as she stares intently at Duncan. LOGAN: Aw, didn't you hear? I'm out a house. I live here now. Veronica gives Duncan a disbelieving look. DUNCAN: Sorry I didn't tell you. Veronica is stunned and not happy. INT - GARAGE - NIGHT. A steel door opens. Keith, crowbar in hand, enters. He sets the crowbar down on the top of what looks like an old fridge and takes a torch out of his pocket. He walks forward and sees the school bus, brought up from the ocean. The bus is mangled but largely intact. Keith goes inside. He shines the flashlight around the bus from the door, and then walks in, down the aisle, looking from side to side. He's near the back of the bus, where Meg was sitting, when he hears a voice. SECURITY GUARD: Anyone in there? Keith drops. The guard outside the bus shines his torch in but sees nothing. He moves on. Keith, flat on his back, waiting for the guard to go, glances to his left, and sees something. He shines light on it. Taped under one of the seats with duct-tape is a dead rat. End.	Plan: A: Keith; Q: Who loses the election for Sheriff? A: Sheriff to Lamb; Q: What office does Keith lose? A: Logan; Q: Who is arrested for Felix's murder? A: a witness; Q: Who testifies that Logan was on the bridge when Felix was killed? A: Abel Koontz; Q: Who asks Veronica to find his daughter Amelia? A: the area; Q: Where is the bus kept? A: a rat; Q: What is taped under one of the bus seats? A: Joss Whedon guest stars; Q: Who is the rental car supervisor? Summary: Keith loses the election for Sheriff to Lamb, and Logan is arrested for Felix's murder after a witness testifies that Logan was on the bridge. Abel Koontz reappears and asks Veronica to track down his daughter Amelia so he can see her before he dies. Keith breaks into the area where the bus is kept and finds a rat taped under one of the seats. Joss Whedon guest stars as a rental car supervisor.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The library at Sunnydale High School. Buffy is crouched over Kendra after finding her dead. Behind her a police officer comes in and aims his gun at her. Officer#1: Freeze! (Buffy faces him) Put your hands up. Back away from the girl slowly. Another officer comes in behind the first, gun drawn and surveying the scene. Buffy slowly gets to her feet and raises her hands. Buffy: Look, I didn't do anything. Officer#1: Do it! Now! The second officer holsters her gun and crouches down to feel for Kendra's pulse, but can't find one. Officer#2: This one's dead. Officer#1: What about up there? (nods toward the mezzanine) Buffy and Officer#2 look up at the stacks and see Xander lying unconscious on the floor behind the railing. Buffy: Xander... She starts to go to him, but Officer#2 grabs her and pushes her back. Officer#2: Get her out of here! Buffy: Wait! Just see if he's okay! Please! The second officer hands her off to the first, and then goes to check on Xander. Buffy offers no resistance, and lets herself be led out. Officer#2 crouches down by Xander to check him out. Cut to the hall outside the library. Officer#1 leads Buffy out. Buffy: Please. You don't understand. Officer#1: You'd do well to keep your mouth shut, missy. They turn down the hall and see Snyder coming down followed by two more officers. Buffy: But I didn't do anything. Snyder: Why do I find that so very hard to believe? Officer#1: (to the other officers) In there. (to Snyder) You know this girl? Snyder: Buffy Summers. If there's trouble, she's behind it. Buffy: (angrily) You stupid little troll. You have no idea! Snyder: Attitude problem. Serious. Buffy: (faces the officer) Look, I just wanna know if my friends are okay. Officer#1: All right, that's enough. He spins her back around and gets out his handcuffs. Officer#1: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and... Buffy glances over her shoulder, and without warning backhand punches the officer in the face. He grunts in pain and stumbles backward into the lockers. She grabs him by the neck and pushes his head down, flipping him over onto his back. Snyder takes a shocked step back. He is too stunned by what he just saw her do to move, and just lets her run down the hall without even looking. Officer#2 comes out of the library and sees her partner on the floor and Buffy running away. She raises her gun and takes aim at Buffy. Officer#2: Stop! Now Snyder turns around to see Buffy running away, but he's still too shook up to have the sense to get out of the officer's way. Officer#2: Get down! Buffy looks back and turns down an adjacent hall, and the officer takes a shot. The bullet shatters the window of the hall door. The other two officers come out of the library, guns drawn and ready, and she waves them in Buffy's direction. They run in pursuit. She grabs the radio mic at her shoulder and puts out a bulletin on Buffy. Officer#2: All units, we have a fugitive on foot at the high school. Homicide suspect. Female, blond, approximately sixteen years old. Suspect is very dangerous. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The hall outside the Emergency Room at Sunnydale General Hospital. Buffy comes into the hall wearing a wool cap and a long, dark coat. She averts her eyes from the doctors and nurses. On the wall she finds a slot with a few patient histories and checks the names on them. There are none she's interested in. She continues slowly down the hall, avoiding the eyes of a passing doctor. She checks another series of slots for names on paperwork, but finds nothing. Further down the hall she turns down the left passageway. Behinds her Xander walks up and touches her on the back. She gasps and spins around, but is very relieved to see him standing there. Buffy: Xander! (hugs him tightly) Ohhh... He hugs her back, and they hold each other for a long moment, then Buffy lets go. Buffy: I was so worried, I didn't know if you were okay. The cops were... Xander: Yeah, I, I heard them chase you out. I was just coming out of it. (holds up his arm in a cast) Souvenir. Buffy: Well, what about the others? Xander sees two police officers come into the hall behind her. Buffy: Are they okay? He grabs her in another tight hug. Buffy goes along with it, but wonders what's up. When she glimpses the cops she hides her face in Xander's shoulder while they head down the hall in the direction that she came in. When the police have gone they separate again. Buffy: Okay. That was about equal parts protecting me and copping a feel, right? (smiles) Xander doesn't smile back. He turns his face down looking sad and very worried. Buffy: What is it? Cut to Willow lying unconscious in a hospital bed. She has a bandaged cut on her forehead and a black eye, but otherwise seems unhurt. The camera pans up from her face to Buffy and Xander standing next to the bed. Xander: The doctor said it was head trauma. She can wake up at any time, but, um... the longer it lasts, the... less likely it is. Buffy: I never should've let her try to do that curse. Angel must've known. She reaches up to Willow's face and brushes back a few stray hairs. Buffy: Where are her parents? Xander: With relatives in Phoenix. I gave them a call. They're... they're getting on a plane back. Buffy: Does Oz know? Xander: (realizes his omission) Oh, man. Um... I didn't even think. Um... I'll call him. Buffy hears some footsteps behind her and turns quickly to see who it is. Xander looks over his shoulder, too, and they see Cordelia come in. He goes over to her. Xander: Hey. Cordelia: (whispers) Hey. They kiss and hold each other close. Cordelia: (sighs) How is she? (they separate and look at Willow) The doctor told me that... Xander: Yeah. We're, uh... still waiting. Buffy: You okay? Cordelia: I ran. I think I made it through three counties before I realized nobody was chasing me. Not too brave. Buffy: It was the right thing to do. Xander: Did Giles keep up with you? Cordelia: I didn't see Giles. Buffy: You mean he's not in the hospital? Xander: No. Buffy gives them a very concerned stare. Cut to Angelus' mansion. Giles is lying on the floor. Angelus lies on the floor facing him and waiting for him to regain consciousness. Giles: Mm... (stirs a bit and exhales) Ohhh... (lifts his head) Angelus: Hi, Rupert. I wasn't sure you were gonna wake up. You had me worried. (hops to his feet) Giles: (standing up slowly) What do you want? Angelus: I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured somebody, they didn't even have chainsaws. He strolls past Giles over to Acathla. Giles turns to watch him and sees the stone demon with the sword protruding from its chest. Angelus notices Giles' stare. Angelus: Oh, yeah. Acathla. He's an even harder guy to wake up than you are. I mean, I performed the rituals, said all the right phrases... blood on my hand. Got nothing. Big doughnut hole for my troubles. I figure you know the ritual. You're pretty up on these things. You could probably... tell me what I'm doing wrong. (approaches Giles) But honestly, I sorta hope you don't... (stops in front of him) 'Cause I really wanna torture you. (stares evilly) Cut to the Summers house. A police officer comes down the stairs to where Detective Stein is questioning Joyce and goes to stand next to him. Joyce: No. I-i-it's impossible. There... there's been some terrible mistake. Det. Stein: And you have no idea where your daughter is. Joyce: She said she was going to her friend Willow's house. (shakes her head) Maybe she slept over. Det. Stein: Is that Willow Rosenberg? Joyce: Yes. Det. Stein: (to the officer) Second victim. Joyce: (confused) What? Det. Stein: Your daughter has a history of violence. Doesn't she, Ms. Summers? He nods for the officer to leave the house, and he goes. Joyce: Well... Det. Stein: (smugly) You call us. (pulls out his wallet) Okay? (digs out a card) If she decides to stop by. (hands Joyce the card) Be best if she just comes in. He exits the house leaving Joyce very worried and confused. Cut to Giles' apartment. The door is ajar, so Buffy just comes right in. Buffy: Giles! Giles! She looks around, but doesn't see him. Behind her Whistler comes down the stairs from the loft. Whistler: I don't think he's here. Buffy: (pivots around to face him) Who are you? Whistler: Whistler. Buffy: What are you doing here? Whistler: (reaches the base of the stairs) I'm waiting for you. Buffy: Why? Whistler: 'Cause I-I-I need a date to the prom. Buffy is not in the mood for jokes right now, so she takes the two steps over to him, grabs him by the throat and shoves him up against the wall. Buffy: I have had a really bad day, okay? If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, then I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat. (lets go) Whistler: Hello to the imagery! Very nice. (seriously) It wasn't supposed to go down like this. (moves away from the wall) Nobody saw you coming. I figured this for Angel's big day. But I thought he was here to stop Acathla, not to bring him forth. Then you two made with the smoochies... now he's a creep again. Now, what are you gonna do? W-what are you prepared to do? Buffy: Whatever I have to. Whistler: Maybe I should ask, what are you prepared to give up? Buffy: (exhales) You don't have anything useful to tell me, do you? What are you, just some immortal demon sent down to even the score between good and evil? Whistler: (impressed) Wow. Good guess. (grins) Buffy: (steps up to him) Well, why don't you try getting off your immortal ass and fighting evil once in a while? 'Cause I'm sick and tired of doing it myself. Whistler: In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you've got. That's the point. Buffy: (disgusted) Spare me. (starts to leave) Whistler: The sword isn't enough. You gotta be ready. (raises his voice) You gotta know how to use it! She goes out the door and slams it behind her. Cut to the park. Buffy walks through it with her head down. A car drives by. She steps into the street and watches as the car goes. When she turns back she sees a police car coming, but doesn't run, instead hoping that the officer won't notice her. He does, though, and turns on his lightbar and lets the siren give a brief loud tone. He pulls the car aside, stops and gets out. Buffy ignores him and keeps walking right past the front of the vehicle. The officer draws his gun. Officer#3: Hold right there! (slams his door) Buffy spins around to face him. Officer#3: Put your hands on your head! Do it! She stares at his gun, frightened, and begins to raise her hands. Suddenly the gun gets kicked out of the officer's hands. He gets kicked in the face and in the shin, then grabbed and thrown onto the hood of his car, where he lies unconscious. His attacker faces a surprised Buffy. Spike: Hello, cutie. (smiles) ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ In the park. Spike takes a step toward Buffy, and she immediately decks him twice in the face. He grabs her by the shoulders to restrain her, but she brings her knee up into his gut. Spike: Now, you hold on a second! He gives her a good shove away from himself. She reaches into her coat and pulls out a stake. Spike jumps back and holds up his hands in surrender. Spike: Hey! White flag here. I quit. Buffy: Let me clear this up for you. We're mortal enemies. We don't get time-outs. Spike: You want to go around, pet, I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently. Buffy: (still holding the stake) What are you talking about? Spike: I'm talking about your ex, pet. I'm talking about putting him in the bloody ground. Buffy: (chuckles) This has gotta be the lamest trick (lowers her stake) you guys have ever thought up. Spike: He's got your Watcher. Right now, he's probably torturing him. Buffy: What do you want? Spike: I told you. I want to stop Angel. (snickers) I want to save the world. Buffy: Okay. You do remember that you're a vampire, right? Spike: We like to talk big. (indicates himself) Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' (looks at the officer) That's just tough guy talk. (steps over to the car) Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. (sits on the hood) The truth is, I like this world. (pulls the cigarette pack from the officer's shirt pocket) You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. (pulls one out and drops the pack on the officer) And you've got people. (exhales) Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. (lights the cigarette and takes a drag) But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... (exhales) passion for destruction. (takes another drag and looks at Buffy) Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying? Buffy: (nods) Okay, fine. You're not down with Angel. Why would you ever come to me? Spike: (stands and takes another drag, but doesn't look at her) I want Dru back. I want it like it was before he came back. The way she acts around him... Buffy: You're pathetic. He punches her in the face. She punches him right back. Buffy: I lost a friend tonight! Spike: I wasn't in on that raiding party. Buffy: And I may lose more! The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care. Spike: I can't fight them both alone, and neither can you! Buffy punches him hard in the jaw, making him flinch. He straightens back up and feels his jaw, checking for blood. Buffy: I hate you. Spike: And I'm all you've got. The police officer begins to stir on the hood of the car. Buffy: (looks down briefly) All right. Talk. Spike: (turns to the officer) I'm just gonna kill this guy. Buffy clears her throat loudly. Spike faces her. Spike: Oh, right. Buffy: (raises her eyebrows at him) Let's get inside. They leave as the police officer begins to wake up and feel his head. Cut to Willow's room at the hospital. She is still unconscious. Xander is sitting in a chair and watching her while Cordelia stands. Cordelia: Do you want some coffee? Xander: I don't wanna leave. She might, uh... Cordelia: I'll get it. Xander: (looks up at her) Thanks. They clasp hands briefly, and Cordelia goes to get some coffee. Xander looks at Willow again, deep in thought. He leans over to the bed and gently takes her hand in his. Xander: Come on, Will. Look, you don't have a choice here. You gotta wake up. I need you, Will. I mean, how am I gonna pass trig, you know? (chuckles) And who am I gonna call every night... and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always... He looks at her for a long moment, looks away for an instant and then at her again, struggling with his emotions. Xander: I love you. Her face twitches and her hand gives his a squeeze. Xander's eyes widen in hope. Xander: Willow? She takes a few breaths before responding, with her eyes still closed. Willow: (whispers) Oz? (speaks) Oz? Xander leans away, taken aback. Oz hears her as he walks into the room. Oz: I'm here. Xander: (looks back at Oz) She's just starting to wake up. He gets up to let Oz go to her. Oz takes her hand and leans over the bed. Willow still has her eyes closed. Oz: Hey, baby. Willow: (weakly) Hi. Xander: I'm gonna go get a doctor. (leaves) Oz: How you feelin'? Willow: (weakly, eyes still closed) My head... feels big. Is it big? Oz: No. It's head size. He leans over her face and gently kisses her on the forehead. He leans back to look at her and strokes her hair with his other hand. She opens her eyes tentatively. Willow: (whispers) Uh... is everybody else okay? Cut to Angelus' mansion. The camera shows Giles in a chair with his hands bound behind his back and bleeding from rope burns. The camera pans up his arms and over his shoulder to Angelus, sitting in a chair and watching Giles as he cleans his glasses. He breathes on the lenses, polishes them clean and inspects his work. Angelus: Rupert, buddy... I'm here to tell you, I'm impressed. (chuckles) He drops the cleaning cloth, gets up and goes over to Giles. Angelus: Hey. Uh... (slides on the glasses) How you holdin' up? Giles: (looks up at him weakly) Never... better. Angelus: Glad to hear it. (kneels next to him) Now... (Giles breathes painfully) Tell me when it hurts. (smirks) Cut to Buffy's street. She and Spike eye each other as they head up the walk to her house. Just then Joyce pulls up in her Jeep and sees them from her open window. Joyce: Buffy?! Buffy gives her a glance, but goes right back to watching Spike. Joyce: (stops the car) Where have you been? (gets out) Are you okay? (runs over) The police were here! I've been looking for you! Buffy: Mom, let's, let's go inside, and I can explain. Joyce: (hysterical) Who is this man? (to Spike) Who are you? (to Buffy) Are you okay? Buffy: Mom! I'm-I'm okay. Joyce: Buffy, terrible things have happened. What were you doing? Spike: What, your mum doesn't know? Buffy glares at Spike. Joyce: (to Spike) Know what? Buffy: (faces her mom) That I'm, uh... in a band. A-a rock band with Spike here. (shoots Spike a look) Spike: Right. She plays the, the triangle. Buffy: Drums. Spike: Drums, yeah. She's, uh, hell on the old skins, you know. Joyce: (unconvinced) Hmm. And, uh, what do you do? Spike: Well, I sing. Buffy: You know what? Why don't we go inside, and, and we can talk about this. (nods) She starts toward the door, and Spike follows. Joyce: I'm, I'm not sure how I feel about this. Buffy turns around to face her. Suddenly a vampire rushes across the porch, pushes Buffy and Spike aside and jumps down the steps at Joyce, ready to fight. She screams and does some fast backpedaling. Buffy grabs him by the shoulders from behind and forces him around to face Spike. She pulls out a stake while Spike gives him a series of punches to the face. Spike's last blow sends the vampire spinning around and staggering away. Buffy thrusts the stake into his chest, and he instantly crumbles to ash. Joyce just stares in shock. Spike steps down from the porch and looks at the pile of ash. Spike: One of Angel's boys. Buffy: Yeah, probably watching me. Or you. Spike: Yeah. He won't get a chance to tattle on us now. Joyce: (utterly confused) Buffy... what... is going on? Buffy looks at her mother for a moment, exchanges a look with Spike and realizes that it's time. She steps up to her mom and looks up at her, hoping against hope for understanding. Buffy: Mom... I'm a Vampire Slayer. Joyce just blinks her eyes, raises her brows and shakes her head in complete dismay. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Willow's room at the hospital. Oz brings her a bowl of Jell-O. She's sitting up and on the phone with Buffy. She takes the bowl from Oz with a smile, sets it down on her lap and begins to play with the spoon. Oz pulls up a chair and sits down. Willow: I'm okay, Buffy, really. I mean, I don't feel good, but... I'm awake, and I know my name and who's President and how many fingers, so they don't think my brain got mushed at all. Buffy: (cut to her in her kitchen) Thank God. So sorry I can't be there. Willow: I know. (cut to her) I'm sorry I didn't get to cure Angel. Buffy: Don't be. It just (cut to her) wasn't meant to be. I know I'm never gonna get him back the way he was. It just makes it easier. Willow: (cut to her) I guess. Any luck finding Giles? Buffy: (cut to her) Yep. I got a lucky break. Willow: What? Buffy: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Cut to their living room. Joyce sits nervously on the couch with the toes of her shoes turned in. Spike is sitting in an adjacent wicker chair. Uncomfortable silence reigns. Spike looks around the room. Joyce lifts her glass, takes a sip of her drink and winces at its strength. Spike looks down at his lap, lets out a long, bored breath and folds his hands. Cut to Buffy on the phone in the kitchen. Buffy: Xander. Angel and the others are holed up outside town. You remember that funky-looking mansion you showed me that time? Cut to him sitting on Willow's bed. Behind him she eats her Jell-O. Oz looks through a magazine. Xander: (into the phone) On Crawford Street. Sure. That makes sense. What's the drill? Buffy: (cut to her) I'm gonna hit it come daybreak. Xander: (cut to him) You'll need backup. Buffy: No. (cut to her) You stay there. I'm covered. Xander: (cut to him) Do you, um... do you think Giles is still alive? Buffy: (cut to her) I think he is. I just wish he was here to tell me what to do. Cut to the living room. The silence is deafening. Spike looks around some more. Then Joyce has a spark of recognition on her face and looks over at Spike. Joyce: Have we met? Spike: (faces her) Um... you hit me with an ax one time. Remember? (makes an ax-holding gesture) Uh, 'get the hell away from my daughter.' (lowers his arms) Joyce: Oh. She lets out a little chuckle. Spike sighs with boredom. Joyce: So, do you, uh, live here in town? Buffy walks into the room with her arms crossed. They both get up. Joyce: I-is Willow all right? Buffy: Yeah. She's fine. (to Spike) All right, talk. What's the deal? Spike: Simple. You let me and Dru skip town, I help you kill Angel. Joyce: (confused) Angel? Your boyfriend? Buffy: (to Spike) Forget about Drusilla. She doesn't walk. Spike: There's no deal without Dru. Buffy: She killed Kendra. Spike: (surprised) Dru bagged a Slayer? (chuckles) She didn't tell me! (to Joyce, smiling) Hey, good for her! (gets a look from Buffy and loses the smile) Though not from your perspective, I suppose. Buffy: (with contempt) I can't believe I invited you into my house. Joyce: (relieved) So you didn't kill that girl. Buffy: Of course not. Joyce: Did she explode like that man out there? Buffy: She was a Slayer, Mom. Joyce: Like what you are. Buffy gives her a thin smile and a nod. Spike: Look. (pulls Buffy aside) This deal works for me one way. Full stop. Me and Dru for Angel. Joyce: (still confused) Honey, a-are you sure you're a Vampire Slayer? Spike: I'll take her out of the country. You'll never hear from us again, I bloody well hope. Buffy: (ignores her mother) Fine. Get back to the mansion. Make sure Giles is all right. Joyce: I-I mean, have you tried not being a Slayer? They both look at her. Buffy: Mom! Spike sighs in exasperation of Joyce. Buffy: (to Spike) Be ready to back me up when I make my move. He walks around her toward the door. Buffy: If Giles dies... (Spike stops and faces her) she dies. He gives her a final stare and heads out the door. Joyce: (trying to make sense of it) It's because you didn't have a strong father figure, isn't it? Buffy: It's just fate, Mom. I'm the Slayer. Accept it. Joyce: We should call the police. (heads for the kitchen) Buffy: No. We're not calling the police. Joyce: (stops and faces her daughter, smiling) Well, now that we know that you're innocent, it's... Buffy: What? You thought I was guilty? Jeez, feelin' the love in this room! Joyce: No, I didn't think that. It's just... now we have proof. Buffy: (exasperated) We have my word, Mom. Not proof. Joyce: (heads for the kitchen again) Look, I am sure that they will understand. Buffy: (follows closely) Get them involved, you'll get them killed. Joyce: Well, you're not gonna hurt them, are you? Buffy: I'm a Slayer, not a postal worker. Her mother picks up the phone, and Buffy slaps her hand onto the switch hook. Buffy: Cops can't fight demons. (takes the phone from her mom) I have to do it. (puts the phone back in its cradle) Joyce: (demanding) Do what? Buffy, what is happening? Buffy: (doesn't want to deal) Just have another drink. She turns away from her mother and starts to walk off. Joyce throws her glass aside in anger, and it breaks on the floor. Joyce: Don't you talk to me that way! (Buffy stops in her tracks) You don't get to just dump something like this on me and pretend it's nothing! Buffy: (looks at her) I'm sorry, Mom, but I don't have time for this. (starts for the door again, but stops) Joyce: No! I am tired of 'I don't have time' or-or 'you wouldn't understand.' (Buffy faces her) I am your mother, and you will make time to explain yourself. Buffy: I told you. I'm a Vampire Slayer. Joyce: (haughtily) Well, I just don't accept that! Buffy: (steps closer) Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences. How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out? Joyce: (raises her voice angrily) Well, it stops now! Buffy: (raises her voice also) No, it doesn't stop! It never stops! Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world... again. Joyce: No. This is insane. (takes Buffy by the shoulders) Buffy, you need help. Buffy: (throws off her mom's arms) I'm not crazy! What I need is for you to chill. I have to go! Joyce: (shakes her head) No. I am not letting you out of this house. Buffy: You can't stop me. Joyce: (grabs her) Oh yes I... Buffy shoves her back into the island, making her knock over several things. She heads for the door, opens it and steps out. Joyce: (angrily) You walk out of this house, don't even think about coming back! Buffy just gives her a long stare and leaves. Joyce sighs, having failed once again at communicating with her daughter. She turns around and leans on the island with her head in her hands. Cut to Willow's hospital room. Willow is sitting up in her bed with Oz in the chair next to her. Xander is sitting on the far side of the room. Cordelia: (paces) So Buffy's going for the big showdown, huh? Wish we could help. (to Xander) You know, without dying. Xander: I don't see how. Willow: I wanna try again. Oz: Try what? Willow: The curse. We never got to finish it. Maybe we can restore Angel's soul. Xander: I don't like it. You're talking about messing with powerful magic, and you're weak. Willow: I'm okay. Xander: You don't look okay. (to Cordelia) Does she? Cordelia: You should listen to him. The hair, it's so flat, and the lips... Xander: (to Cordelia) Could we stay on topic here, honey? Cordelia: What? Xander: (to Willow) Look, it's not a good idea. Willow: There's no use arguing with me. Do you see my resolve face? (gives them her resolve face) You've seen it before. You know what it means. This can help Buffy. If we turn Angel back soon enough, we can stop him from ever awakening Acathla. Oz: (gets up) Okay, I pretty much missed out on some stuff, didn't I? Because this is all making a kind of sense that's... not. Willow: (to Oz) Go with Cordy to the library and get my things. She'll fill you in. Oz: Sure. (kisses her hand) I'll drive. He walks out of the room with Cordelia close behind. Xander gets up. Willow: Xander, go to Buffy. Tell her what we're doing. Maybe she can stall. Xander: But I... Willow: (points to herself) Resolve face. Xander: (gives in) Be careful. (leaves) Cut to Angelus' mansion. Giles is still tied to his chair, and hangs his head weakly. Angelus: You know, I can stop the pain. You've been very brave... (puts his hand on Giles' shoulder) but it's over. (walks behind him) You've given enough. (leans down to Giles' ear) Now let me make it stop. Giles: (panting and shaking with pain) Please! Angelus: (kneels to face him) Just tell me what I need to know. Giles: (weakly) In order... to be worthy... Angelus: (whispers) Yeah? Giles: (weakly) You must perform the ritual... in a tutu. Angelus glares at him. Giles doesn't back down. Giles: Pillock! Angelus: (stands up) All right. Someone get the chainsaw. Spike: (wheels himself in) Now, now, don't let's lose our temper. Angelus: Keep out of it, sit 'n' spin. Spike: Look, you cut him up, you'll never get your answers. Angelus: Since when did you become so levelheaded? Spike: Right about the time you became so pig-headed. You have your way with him, you'll never get to destroy the world. And I don't fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet. There are other ways. Angelus: Enlighten me. Spike: Hmm. (behind himself) Drusilla? Sweetheart? She comes in behind him and walks up to them. Spike: Do you want to play a game? She puts her arm on his shoulder, and they both look over at Angelus. Cut to the library. The main area is cordoned off with yellow crime scene tape. Buffy walks in and just grabs and pulls down the tape. As she heads toward the table she looks down at the chalk outline of Kendra on the floor and passes it slowly, careful not to step on it. When she reaches the table she looks for a moment at the Orb, candles and other things that were used in the attempt at cursing Angelus. Then she reaches under the table, pulls out Kendra's large duffel bag and sets it on the table. As she goes through it Snyder comes into the library. Snyder: You do know this is a crime scene, don't you? (Buffy looks up at him approaching) But then... you're a criminal, so that pretty much works out. (stops) Buffy: You know I didn't do it. The police will figure it out. Snyder: In case you haven't noticed, the police of Sunnydale are deeply stupid. (takes a few steps closer) It doesn't matter anyway. Whatever they find, you've proved too much of a liability for this school. (takes a breath) These are the moments you want to savor. You wish time would stop so that you could live them over and over again. (smiles smugly) You're expelled. Buffy reaches into the bag and pulls out the sword blessed by the knight who first slew Acathla. She holds it up and turns it in her hand. Snyder looks at it, at her and gulps. Buffy gazes at the polished blade. Buffy: You never ever got a single date in high school, (turns her eyes to him) did you? Snyder: Your point being? She starts out of the library and leans the blade into his face as she passes him. He bends back nervously and watches her go. This time she makes no attempt to avoid the chalk markings on the floor. Snyder pulls out his cell phone and dials. He checks to make sure she's gone and holds the phone up to his ear. Snyder: It's Snyder. (smiles) Tell the Mayor I have good news. Cut to Angelus' mansion. Drusilla kneels behind Giles, patting the sweat from his forehead. Drusilla: Is that better? (pats more) Hmm? (pulls away the cloth) Poor thing. (runs her finger down his cheek) Let's see what's inside. She runs her hand up the back of Giles' head and over the top. She closes her eyes and concentrates on reading his thoughts. It doesn't take long for her to discover something useful. She gasps and removes her hand. Drusilla: (into Giles' ear) Of course. She stands up and goes around to his other side and holds up two fingers to hypnotize him. Drusilla: Look at me. Giles turns his head weakly to look away, trying to resist. She comes around the rest of the way in front of him, waving her fingers. Drusilla: Mm-mm-mm-mm. Finally Giles can no longer resist and looks at her. She waves her fingers around some more and draws them in toward her own eyes. Drusilla: Be... in me. In his weakened state Giles quickly falls under her spell. She looks into his eyes and smiles. Drusilla: Hmm. See with your heart. She covers his eyes with her hand, and when she takes it away he sees Jenny kneeling before him. At first he can't believe it, but then accepts it. Giles: (smiles) Jenny! I thought I'd lost you. Dru/Jenny: (quietly) Shh. I'll never leave you. Giles: (tries to get up) We have to get out of here. Dru/Jenny: (calms him) No-no-no-no-no. Slowly. She brushes her hand over his temple, down his cheek and over his lips. Giles: It can't be you. (stares into her eyes) Dru/Jenny: Did you tell Angel? About the ritual? Giles: (breathing erratically) No. (desperately) We have to get... him away from Acathla. Dru/Jenny: Why? Is he close to figuring it out? Giles: (nods, anxious to go) Later. Dru/Jenny: (imploringly) Tell me what to do. Giles looks at her, helpless and confused. Dru/Jenny: It's all right. We'll be together... finally. We'll have everything we never got to have... Never got to feel... Just tell me what to do. Giles: (desperately) We have to get Angel away from Acathla. Dru/Jenny: Angel himself? He's the key? Giles: (weakly) H-h-his, his blood... H-he mustn't... Dru/Jenny: Shh. (kisses him) Mm. They kiss passionately. The camera pulls over to Giles' face. When it pans back he's kissing Drusilla. The camera continues to pan over to Angelus and Spike as they watch, pleased with the result. Angelus: Blood. Of course. The blood on my hands must be my own. I am the key that will open up the door. My blood. My life. (considers) Okay. Kill him. (turns to go) Spike: Uh, but what if he's lying? Angelus: Yeah. Good point. Alright, don't kill him. (leans down to Spike) You know, I kinda like having you watch my back. It's kinda like old times. (chuckles) They both look over at Drusilla, still kissing Giles. Spike: Uh, Drusilla... She keeps kissing him. Angelus: Honey... Spike: We are finished here, ducks. She stops and looks back at them sheepishly. Drusilla: Sorry. (smiles evilly) I was in the moment. Giles opens his eyes and realizes that he's been tricked. Cut to Giles' apartment. Whistler walks into the kitchen and looks around. He spots a bottle of sherry and takes a sniff, but then sees that it's empty. He puts it back down and keeps looking around. Buffy comes in and sees him there. He goes over to check out the refrigerator. Buffy: Whistler. What did you mean, the sword isn't enough? Whistler: (finds a bottle of beer) You know, raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun. You're never gonna get the good stuff. Buffy: Tell me how to use it. Whistler: (takes a swig and looks back at Buffy) Angel's the key. (closes the fridge) His blood will open the door to Hell. Acathla opens his big mouth, creates a vortex. Then only Angel's blood will close it. One blow will send 'em both back to Hell. But I strongly suggest that you get there before that happens, 'cause the faster you kill Angel, the easier it's gonna be on you. Buffy: Don't worry about me. Whistler: It's all on the line here, kid. Buffy: I can deal. (sadly) I got nothing left to lose. (leaves) Whistler: Wrong, kid. You got one more thing. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Outside Angelus' mansion. The camera pans along its dark facade. Cut to the street. Buffy walks toward the mansion at a determined pace with the sword wrapped in a cloth. Suddenly Xander comes running out of the bushes on the hillside and jumps into the street in front of her. She startles and takes a reflexive step back. Buffy: Xander! Xander: Cavalry's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, (holds up a large rock) but it's here. Buffy holds up a stake. He tosses the rock aside and takes it from her. Xander: That's better. Buffy: You're not here to fight. (starts walking) You get Giles out, and you run like hell, understood? I can't protect you. (pulls off and discards the cloth) I'm gonna be too busy killing. Xander: (looks at the sword) Now, that's a new look for you. Buffy: It's a present for Angel. Xander: Willow. (stops) Uh, she told me to tell you... Buffy: Tell me what? Xander: (pauses to think) Kick his ass. Without a word she continues walking. Xander hesitates a moment and then follows. Cut inside the main hall of the mansion. Spike in his wheelchair, Angelus and Drusilla stand at one end near the large fireplace. The camera pans along the other side behind Acathla and the two other vampires standing on either side. Angelus begins the ritual. Angelus: Acathla... Mundatus sum... pro te necavi. Sanguinem meum... pro te effundam... (steps slowly toward Acathla) quo me dignum... esse demonstrem. Translation: Acathla... I am cleansed... here before you. My blood... flowing before you... (steps slowly toward Acathla) makes me worthy... as I demonstrate. Cut to Willow's hospital room. Cordelia and Oz are back with the Orb and the candles, and they have everything set up on the tray table over the bed: the Orb surrounded by the candles within a sacred circle. Cordelia stands on one side and waves burning herbs and incense over the Orb. Oz stands on the other side with an open Latin book. Willow sits up in her bed holding the printout of the Rumanian curse. The camera looks down from above and closes in on them. Willow: Are we ready? Cordelia: Stinky herbs are a go. Oz: Did I mention I didn't take Latin? Willow: Y-you don't have to understand it. You just have to say it. I hope. Oz: Right. Cut to Angelus' mansion. The camera pans past Acathla's face and the vampire standing next to him. Angelus: Now, Acathla... Cut to Angelus. Drusilla hands him a knife. Angelus: You will be free. He draws the blade across the palm of his hand and winces in pain, but doesn't take his stare off of the demon. He drops the knife. Angelus: And so will we all. Cut to the other vampire. The camera pans around him to show Buffy coming in quietly behind him. She raises her sword and decapitates him with a single swing. He crumbles to ash as his head falls to the floor. Drusilla and Angelus turn their heads to look. Buffy meets their gazes. Buffy: Hello, lover. Angelus: (bored) I don't have time for you. Buffy: You don't have a lot of time left. Angelus: Coming on kind of strong, don't you think? You're playing some deep odds here. Do you really think you can take us all on? Buffy: No. I don't. Spike gets up out of his wheelchair behind Angelus with a determined look on his face and whips him hard across the back with an andiron. Angelus cries out in pain and collapses to the floor. Drusilla twists her head to look at Spike. He continues to whale on Angelus as hard as he can. Buffy starts for Drusilla, but the first vampire attacks her. She spins around to face him, but he punches her and she falls to the floor. She trips him when he comes at her again and maneuvers to her feet, ready to fight. He comes at her again with a series of punches, all of which she easily blocks. Spike keeps pounding on Angelus. Spike: Painful, isn't it? He keeps swinging the andiron. Drusilla begins to freak, and jumps on Spike, taking him down to the floor with her. Buffy's assailant backhand punches her in the face, and she goes staggering into a chair by the wall. She quickly recovers to block another swing, brings her knee up into his gut and kicks him in the face, knocking him to the floor. She spies a pile of broken wood fragments and goes to it. The vampire gets to his feet just as Xander comes into the room and surprises him with a punch. Buffy picks up a suitable piece of scrap wood and gets back into the fight. Xander backs off to go look for Giles. The vampire ducks a roundhouse kick and blocks another kick. Spike and Drusilla get up from the floor and face each other off. Spike: I don't want to hurt you, baby. She grabs him by the throat and shoves him into the wall. He slaps her arm aside and punches her in the face. Spike: Doesn't mean I won't. Cut to the hospital room. Willow casts her stones and gives Oz his cue. Cordelia keeps waving the burning herbs and incense. Oz: Quod perditum est, invenietur. Translation: What is lost, return. Willow: Not dead... nor not of the living. Spirits of the interregnum, I call. Cut to the mansion. Xander pushes aside a curtain to another room and finds Giles still tied to a chair. Xander: Giles! Giles' head is tilted back, and he is very weak. Xander: Giles! Giles lifts his head slowly. Xander crouches behind the chair and begins to untie the ropes. Giles: Xander? Xander: Can you walk? Giles: You're not real. Xander: Sure, I'm real. Giles: It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want. Xander has untied the ropes and goes around to look into Giles' face. Xander: Then why would they make you see me? Giles: (considers) You're right. Let's go. He groans as Xander gets under his arm and helps him out of the chair. Xander: Come on. They make their way though the main hall as fast as they can and out the door. Buffy and the vampire continue to fight. Drusilla swipes at Spike with her hand and leaves four parallel scratches across his cheek. She follows up with a punch that knocks him to the floor. Angelus wakes up and groans in pain. He rubs his eyes and looks up at Acathla. He gets to his feet and goes over to the demon. Buffy is still fighting the vampire. She blocks a kick from him, punches him, spins around and punches again, and he falls onto his back. Buffy quickly follows him down with her stake and jams it into his chest. He bursts into ashes. Behind her Angelus takes the last few steps to Acathla and grabs the sword stuck in his chest by the hilt with his bloody hand. A blindingly bright light emanates from it, and Buffy looks up from her kill in time to witness Angelus pulling the sword from the demon's heart. With a few telltale sparks the light is suddenly gone. Angelus whips the sword around in his hand and holds it up to look at it. Buffy scrambles to get her own sword. Drusilla looks up from her fight and gazes at Acathla with a smile. Drusilla: Oh... Here he comes. Spike comes up behind her and grabs her around the throat with his arm, choking her. Cut to the hospital. Willow continues her chant, but starts to feel weak. Willow: Gods, bind him. Cast his heart from the... evil... realm. Cut to the mansion. Buffy holds up her sword and faces off with Angelus. He holds his own ready to fight her also. Angelus: You almost made it, Buff. Buffy: It's not over yet. Angelus: My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell. Buffy: Save me a seat. She thrusts at him with her sword, but he parries and swings around with a thrust of his own, which she also parries. They clash blades several times, and Buffy ducks a wide arcing swing from him. They face off again and trade one thrust and parry after another. Angelus tries another arcing swing from above, but she easily ducks and sidesteps out of the way. They face off again in front of Acathla and trade a few more blows. Angelus tries a swing from above a third time, and again Buffy ducks it and escapes to the side. She jumps up on a low table and swings at him again. He parries, and swings at her legs. She jumps up and over his blade and lands on the floor. He tries for her legs again, but she blocks his attempt with her blade. Again they trade several swings, and Angelus tries a wide swing again, and this time cuts her superficially on the arm. He tries to take advantage of her distraction and comes at her with his sword held high, intending to swing from above, but she drops to the floor and rolls out of the way, so he only manages to smash a bowl on a table behind her. Buffy kicks his legs out from under him and scrambles back up. He turns to face her still on his knees and swings three times in rapid succession, all of which she parries. He swings a fourth time, and this time Buffy knocks his sword into the table with her parry and pins it there. He backhand punches her in the face, and she spins away. He pulls the sword from the table and swings it hard at her. She blocks it with hers, and kicks him in the gut, making him double over. She jumps over him into the clear, and raises her sword to continue the fight. He thrusts, and she parries. Then he kicks her in her sword arm, and she stumbles back a step. Cut to the hospital. Willow gets weaker as she chants and breathes heavily. Willow: Return. (pants) I call on... (pants) Oz: (worried) Willow? Cordelia: (worried) Are you okay? Without warning Willow's head snaps back and she looks up with her eyes wide open. Her head snaps back down and her eyes stare into the Orb. She begins to chant steadily in Rumanian as though possessed. Willow: Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte. Translation: I implore you, Lord, do not ignore this request. Oz: (to Cordelia) Is this a good thing? Willow: Nici mort, nici al fiintei... Translation: Neither dead, nor of the living... Cordelia: (freaked out) Hey, speak English! Willow: Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. Translation: Let this Orb be the vessel that will carry his soul to him. Cut to Angelus' mansion. The fight has moved out into the atrium. Buffy hits the ground and scrambles back to her feet as Angelus slowly advances. She thrusts, and he parries. She spins around and swings at him, and he blocks her. Her sword bounces off of his and falls with the tip onto the low wall of a planting bed. Angelus stomps on the blade before she can raise it again and knocks it from her grip. He spins around and elbows her in the face, knocking her back into a stone table, which collapses and falls with her. Cut to Acathla. Deep thundering growls and noises come from him as he begins to wake. Cut to Spike choking Drusilla. She begins to lose consciousness and slumps over in his arms. Spike: Sorry, baby. Wish there was another way. When she begins to fall he catches her, lifts her into his arms and starts to carry her out. On the way he passes the doorway to the atrium and glances outside. When he sees them he stops to take a better look. Buffy is backing up against the wall without her sword while Angelus slowly and deliberately advances on her holding his. Spike: God, he's gonna kill her. He watches for another moment, then shrugs and heads for the garage with Drusilla. Cut to the atrium. Angelus plays with his sword, idly pointing it at Buffy. She looks up at him, frightened. Angelus: Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends... No hope. Buffy closes her eyes and steels herself for whatever's coming. Angelus: Take all that away... and what's left? He draws the sword back and thrusts it directly at her face. With lightning-fast reflexes she swings up with both arms and catches the blade between the palms of her hands. She opens her eyes and meets his. Buffy: Me. She shoves the blade away from her, and the hilt of the sword hits Angelus in the face. He staggers back, and she hops to her feet and kicks him in the chest. He stumbles back even more, and she reaches down and picks up her sword. She swings it around and thrusts at him, but he manages to parry. They exchange several blows, blocking each other. Buffy spins around and swings her sword down at him from above. He holds up his own to block, but she hits it hard and he falls to one knee. She swings again, and he blocks. She spins around with a roundhouse kick to his side, and he collapses to the ground. Cut outside the garage. Spike smashes through the door with his car. The windows are all painted black. He screeches into the street and guns it. Cut into the car. Drusilla is lying unconscious in the passenger's seat. Spike concentrates on the road and whips around a corner. When heading straight again he looks over at her. He reaches around her neck and pulls her over to him, and holds her close as he keeps driving with only one hand on the wheel. Cut to the mansion. Buffy kicks Angelus, and he comes flying in through the door, hits the floor and rolls to a stop. Before he can get all the way back to his feet Buffy leaps in and swings her sword at him. He almost misses parrying her blow, and he steps back to get his footing. They exchange a few more swings. Angelus misses a block and gets sliced on his hand. Cut to the hospital. The table lurches hard. The camera pans around Willow and closes in on her face. Willow: Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum! Translation: So it shall be! So it shall be! Now! Cut to the mansion. Angelus has dropped his sword and holds his cut. Buffy does a high kick to his face, and he falls backward into Acathla and lands on his knees before her. Cut to the hospital. Willow: Acum! Translation: Now! The Orb glows brightly for a brief moment and goes dark. Willow suddenly relaxes, and looks around blankly. Cut to the mansion. Buffy raises her sword to dispatch Angelus, but stays herself when he suddenly gasps loudly and groans in pain. She sees his eyes glow bright red for an instant and go back dark. He looks up at her, but quickly collapses to the floor, crying. Buffy stares down at him, but still holds her sword raised behind her. Angel raises himself back up, his eyes heavy with tears, and looks into her eyes. Angel: (softly) Buffy? (sobs) What's going on? She just looks at him, confused but not yet ready to lower the sword. He looks around a bit and gets to his feet. Angel: Where are we? I-I don't remember. Finally Buffy realizes that the curse has worked, and she slowly lowers her sword. Buffy: (softly) Angel? Angel: (sees her wound) You're hurt. She looks down at her wound and feels his gentle touch on her arm. She ignores her cut, looks back up at him and steps closer. He embraces her tightly. Angel: Oh, Buffy... God. She still isn't completely sure that it's true, but accepts the hug. Angel: I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Finally she accepts it, closes her eyes and breathes out a deep sigh. Angel: Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I... He holds her even more closely. Angel: Oh... He sighs deeply and kisses her on the shoulder. Angel: Oh, Buffy... She cries into his shoulder and hugs him back. Behind him Acathla lets out a low rumble. Buffy opens her eyes and stares in shock as Acathla's face contorts. His brows angle down, his eyes glow red, his mouth opens grotesquely and the swirling vortex to Hell opens, small at first, but growing steadily in size and emanating a deep, red glow. Buffy lets go of Angel and looks up into his face. Angel: (confused) What's happening? Buffy: (whispers reassuringly) Shh. Don't worry about it. She brushes her fingers over his lips and across his cheek. She lays her hand on his cheek and kisses him softly. He returns the kiss, and it becomes more passionate. Behind them the vortex has grown to about five feet (1.5 m) across and continues to get larger. Buffy breaks off the kiss and looks deeply into Angel's eyes. Buffy: (whispers) I love you. Angel: (whispers) I love you. She touches his lips with her fingers again. Buffy: Close your eyes. She nods reassuringly, and he closes his eyes. She tries hard not to start crying, and kisses him again gently. She steps back, draws back her sword and thrusts it into his chest. His eyes whip open in surprise and pain, and a bright light emanates from the sword. She steps away from him. He reaches out to her and looks down at the sword thrust completely through him. He looks at her imploringly, completely bewildered by this turn of events. She can only stare at the sword protruding from his chest, and slowly steps further back. Angel: Buffy... Behind him the power of the sword begins to swirl into the vortex. Buffy steps further back, still looking only at the sword in his chest and not into his face. The vortex has enlarged to about twelve feet (3.5 m) across, and the two energies begin to interact. Angel still holds out his hand to Buffy. When the vortex finally meets him it suddenly closes into Acathla's mouth without so much as a spark, taking him with it. Buffy stares at the stone demon for a long moment, a light of awareness dawning in her eyes as she truly realizes what she has done, what she has lost. She begins to sob, her heart breaking. In the background "Full of Grace", by Sarah McLachlan, begins to play over the scene. Lyrics: The winter here is cold... Dissolve to Buffy's street. She walks across it toward her house. Lyrics: ...and bitter / It's chilled us to the bone / We haven't seen the sun for weeks / Too long, too far from home She looks at the neighboring houses, then back at hers. Cut into the house. Joyce climbs the steps and looks down the hall at Buffy's door. Lyrics: I feel just like I'm sinking Joyce: Buffy? Lyrics: And I claw for solid ground She walks to Buffy's room and looks in. The windows are open, and some of her daughter's things are strewn on the bed. She steps in and looks around. Lyrics: I'm pulled down by the undertow She sees a note on the bed among a bunch of clothes. Lyrics: I never thought I could feel so low She picks up the note and reads. Lyrics: And, oh, darkness / I feel like letting go She begins to cry as she reads and sits down on the bed. Lyrics: If all of the strength and all of the courage / Come and lift me from this place Cut to Sunnydale High School. Xander and Giles walk up to Oz pushing Willow in a wheelchair with Cordelia at their side. Giles' walk is a bit unsteady. Lyrics: I know I can love you much better than this / Full of grace Giles: Willow, are you sure you should be out of bed? Willow: Look who's talking. Giles: (smiles) Yes. Cordelia: Any word? Xander: You guys haven't seen her either? Willow: No. Oz: But we know the world didn't end, 'cause... (looks around) check it out. Giles: (takes off his glasses and squints) Well, we, uh... we went back to the mansion. I-it was empty, um... and Acathla was, was... dormant. Willow: I think the spell worked. I felt something go through me. Cordelia: Plus the Orb did that cool glow thing. Xander: Well, maybe it wasn't in time. Maybe she had to kill him before the cure could work. Oz: Well, then, she'd wanna be alone, I guess. Willow: Or maybe Angel was saved, and they want to be alone together. Giles: Perhaps. Cordelia: Well, she's gotta show up sooner or later. We still have school. Willow: Yeah. (looks around for her) She'll be here in a while. Lyrics: Where everything we said and did / Hurts us all the more They all turn and head into the school. Lyrics: It's just that we stayed too long / In the same old sickly skin Cut to Buffy looking at the school from behind a tree. She watches them as they go in. Lyrics: I'm pulled down by the undertow / I never thought I could feel so low The camera pans around her to her face, looking sadly at the school. A light breeze sweeps her hair back. Lyrics: And, oh, darkness / I feel like letting go She turns around and walks away down the street without looking back. Lyrics: If all of the strength and all of the courage / Come and lift me from this place Dissolve to the inside of a bus. Buffy's reflection is visible in the window as it drives by her house. Lyrics: I know I can love you much better than this / Full of grace Buffy looks out the window calmly as the bus drives on. Cut to a two-lane road leading out of town. The bus passes under the camera on its way. Lyrics: I know I can love you much better than this The camera pans down to a sign that reads: NOW LEAVING SUNNYDALE come back soon! Lyrics: It's better this way	Plan: A: Drusilla, Willow; Q: Who murdered Kendra? A: head trauma; Q: What is Willow suffering from in the hospital? A: Giles; Q: Who was kidnapped by Angelus? A: Buffy; Q: Who must decode Whistler's cryptic clues? A: help; Q: What does Spike offer Buffy? A: Spike; Q: Who is the unexpected helper that Buffy accepts? A: the world; Q: What is at risk of being sucked into Acathla's hell dimension? A: Acathla's hell dimension; Q: What dimension is Angelus trying to drag the world into? Summary: With Kendra murdered by Drusilla, Willow in the hospital with head trauma, and Giles kidnapped by Angelus, Buffy must decode Whistler 's cryptic clues and accept help from an unexpected source (Spike) to stop Angelus in order to prevent the world from being sucked into Acathla's hell dimension.
THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART FOUR (THE MYSTERIOUS PLANET) Run time: 24:20 [SCENE_BREAK] Marb Station [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Hurry, Peri, there isn't much time. Peri: Well, how long before this black light thing blows up? The Doctor: There's no telling. We've got to get past Queen Katryca, into the castle and make that demented robot see sense. Merdeen: So, you have returned. The Doctor: Merdeen. Missed your train? Merdeen: The train is noisy. We hunt by foot. The Doctor: Oh. What are you hunting? Merdeen: You! Merdeen: Why, Grell? Why? Grell: You. Betrayed... Merdeen: No! We were not meant to live like this. We were not meant to... Merdeen: We should be free. He wanted the glory of your capture to please the Immortal. The Doctor: Don't blame yourself, Merdeen. Merdeen: I've known him all his life. I asked for him to join the guards. I helped him. I even hoped that one day he would see there is no reason for the cullings. The Doctor: Well, perhaps I can convince the Immortal of that. I must get to his castle. Merdeen: He'll kill you. The Doctor: Not if he thinks I can still be of use to him. Come on, there isn't much time. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: The black light system will collapse in upon itself and we shall all cease to function. Tandrell: We should leave here, Humker. Humker: But where would we go? Tandrell: I don't know, but Drathro says that if we stay for this explosion we shall all be killed. So, the logical course is to leave. Humker: The wild ones. We're too late! Tandrell: You know, I've always said you talked too much. Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Broken Tooth: They are iron, Katryca. They will not yield. Katryca: Then we will cut down the wall. Fetch tools! Balazar: Wait! The doors open. Katryca: Come. The Immortal is dead. We have nothing to fear. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca: It can't be! Drathro: Why have you entered here? Katryca: The guns, Broken Tooth. Drathro: Lay aside your useless toys. I asked, why have you entered here? Katryca: We are the tribe of the Free. Drathro: You are vassals. Outside the law, outside the plan. You have brought disorder where order reigned. Katryca: I am Katryca, queen of the... Drathro: You cause me to waste energy. Now return to wait outside. You will be culled in accordance with the plan. Balazar: Oh, great Immortal one... Drathro: Go! Do not attempt to hide. My guards will track you down. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Humker: I remember these subways from my childhood. Tandrell: Is this the way to the surface? Humker: I said I remember the subways, Tandrell, not where they led. Tandrell: If we do not find the surface, Drathro will send his guards after us. Humker: First he must deal with the wild ones and then if there's an explosion... The Doctor: Ah, Tumker and Handrail. Now, where are you two off to? Humker: We are leaving, Doctor. Tandrell: Drathro says there's going to be an explosion. The Doctor: I know. Tandrell: It is a mechanical fault. Humker: Electronic. Tandrell: There is a constant external discharge from one pole to the other. The Doctor: Then I may only have minutes. Come along! Tandrell: Excuse me, do you know the way to the surface? Peri: Round the corner, keep straight, turn right at what used to be Oxford Circus, then ask again. I think. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I didn't appear to be hurrying there, did I? But that deceptively easy gait of mine covers the ground at amazing speed. Inquisitor: I did not interrupt the evidence to commend you on your athleticism, Doctor. The Doctor: Oh. Well, you can if you like. All compliments gratefully accepted. Inquisitor: And may I remind you yet again that this is a serious trial. The Doctor: It is not serious! It's a farce! A farrago of trumped up charges. Inquisitor: You will have the opportunity in due course to rebut any or all of the Valeyard's charges. The Doctor: Oh, the Valeyard's charges. I always thought Valeyard meant learned court prosecutor. Valeyard: And so it does. The Doctor: Not in your case, sir. Your points of law are spurious, your evidence weak, verging on the irrelevant, and your reasoning quite unsound. In fact, your point of view belongs in quite another place. Perhaps the mantle of Valeyard was a mistake. I would therefore suggest that you change it for the garment of quite another sort of yard. That of the knackers' yard. For your argument is as tired and warn out as the poor, unfortunate creatures that end up there. Inquisitor: You will apologise at once! The Doctor: For telling the truth? Never! Valeyard: The Doctor is well known for these childish outbursts. I do not find the ramblings of an immature mind offensive. The Doctor: Immature? Valeyard: It is that particular state of mind that has made it necessary for you to be brought before this court. The Doctor: Immature? I was on Ravalox trying to avert a catastrophe. The deaths of several hundred innocent people! Surely not even in the eyes of Time Lords can that be deemed either immature or a crime. Valeyard: The crime was in being there, Doctor! Your immaturity was in not realising you had broken a cardinal law of the Time Lords. Your presence initiated the whole chain of events that we have witnessed. Inquisitor: Thank you, Valeyard. It was that point about the relevance of the testimony that I had intended to raise. Valeyard: My pleasure, Inquisitor. The Doctor: Oh, this is ridiculous. Drathro's black light system was in a state of terminal decay before I even arrived on that planet. Valeyard: That is not in question. However, but for your intervention, the two technological trainees, Humker and Tandrell, might have repaired the defect. The Doctor: Oh, after Dibber had blown the aerial up? Ridiculous. Anyway, those two couldn't repair a leaking tap. Inquisitor: May we continue? I tire of this empty banter. Valeyard: Of course, my lady. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What's happened? Balazar: Alas, Doctor, these are woeful times for the tribe of the Free. The queen is dead. Peri: Katryca? How? Balazar: The Immortal struck her down with a bolt of lightning. The Doctor: Where is he now? Balazar: The all-powerful is in his castle. Peri: Why'd he let you go? Balazar: We are waiting to be culled. The Doctor: Oh, you'll be culled all right, if I don't get inside that castle, along with everybody else around here. Drathro, this is the Doctor. Let me in at once, do you hear me? Merdeen: It's no good, Doctor. You can only speak to the Immortal through the communication box. The Doctor: Oh, I forgot. He doesn't exactly entertain very much, does he? Right, quickly, man. Take me to the nearest one. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Dibber: How do we find this castle? Glitz: Dibber, stop. I must rest. I am exhausted. Dibber: If we ever do find this castle, and we knock out the L3, how do you know we're going to find all these secrets that you keep on about? Glitz: Would I have spent all the time, effort, not to mention a small fortune, if I wasn't certain on that point? Dibber: Yeah, but even if we do find them, they might not be worth anything. Not after five hundred years. Glitz: Do me a favour, Dibber. The Sleepers found a way into... Glitz: The biggest net of information in the... [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What is going on? Inquisitor: That question had formed in my mind, Valeyard. Valeyard: The information extracted is for your eyes and ears only, my lady. Inquisitor: Something else that is not in the public interest to reveal? Valeyard: Exactly, my lady. The Doctor: Well, this is a charade. If that information was known to those two rogues, what possible reason can there be from concealing it from this court? Valeyard: This trial is concerned only with your actions, Doctor, and their consequences, nothing else. Wider issues, if there are any, are not within our terms of reference. Inquisitor: Perhaps that is something I should decide, Valeyard. Valeyard: Of course, my lady, but my own instructions were to peruse only matters pertinent to the central issue. Inquisitor: That is accepted. However, I should like to see the last sequence again. The Doctor: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Do me a favour, Dibber. The Sleepers found a way into the-- the biggest net of information in the universe. Do you think they were nicking recipes for making chutney? Dibber: Yeah, but do you know what the secrets are? Glitz: Facts, my son, figures, formulas. Travelling faster than light, anti gravity power, dimensional transference. Scientific stuff like that. Worth a fortune. Dibber: How? Glitz: Oh. We sell it, Dibber. A government here, a federation there. They're all in the market for that sort of hi-tech cobblers. Don't think about it, Dibber. You'll give yourself a hernia. [SCENE_BREAK] By a communications box [SCENE_BREAK] Merdeen: The Immortal does not always answer. Drathro (O.C.): Yes, Merdeen? Merdeen: Immortal, you commanded me to find the Doctor. I have him here. Drathro (O.C.): Show me. The Doctor: I have returned to help you, Drathro. Drathro (O.C.): You are too late. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (on screen): If I believed that, I would not be here. Drathro: You are here because Merdeen found you. The Doctor (on screen): No, Drathro, I came voluntarily. There may yet be time to fix the black light system. Drathro: Very well, Doctor. Present yourself at my portals alone. Merdeen? Merdeen (on screen): Yes, Immortal? Drathro: Assemble my guards. Cull all the organics who stand waiting outside my castle. Merdeen: At once, Immortal. Drathro: Humker? Tandrell? [SCENE_BREAK] By a communications box [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: You can't do it, Merdeen. You can't kill all those innocent people. Balazar: Peri is right. You have seen the truth. It would be murder to kill them. Merdeen: Neither can I free them. Peri: Well, just leave them. Leave them for the present, anyway. Merdeen: The Immortal will kill me. Peri: Oh Merdeen, if the Doctor's right, we're all in danger anyway. We might all die. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Well, I don't need a computer to tell me that system is defunct. I must shut it down. Drathro: No! You will not shut it down! The Doctor: But it's the only way. Drathro: If the system is shut down, I too cease. The Doctor: But if it's allowed to run wild and lead to... Drathro: Termination point. The Doctor: Yes, then you'll cease then, Drathro. And so will everything else around here. Drathro: That does not matter, Doctor. All that you see it my creation. The Doctor: But there are several hundred people here as well, Drathro. Drathro: The work units exist only to serve me. Without me they would have no function. The Doctor: You can't see beyond the end of your tin nose, can you? Drathro: Is that abuse? The Doctor: Listen. Drathro: I am listening. The Doctor: You are only a robot. The people out there, the work units, the organics, whatever you choose to call them, they're living creatures, Drathro. They have a right to their lives. Drathro: Explain why. The Doctor: In your terms, I can't. Whoever programmed you forgot to include moral values. Drathro: I know of values. Is your point that organics are of more value than robots? The Doctor: Yes, if you want to look at it that way. Drathro: Then why should I be in command of organics if they are of greater value? The Doctor: Without organics there wouldn't be any robots. There'd be no one to create them. Drathro: Accepted. This shows that robots are more advanced, therefore of more value. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Is there another way into the castle, Merdeen? Merdeen: Another way? Peri: Well, you know what I mean. A back door or something. Merdeen: There are only the big doors. Peri: Well, there must be some other way in. Merdeen: Why? Peri: The Doctor might need help. I've got to get in there. Balazar: There's the ration chute. Peri: Ration chute? Merdeen: Of course. Each day the Immortal sends out food to the work units. Perhaps that leads into the castle. Peri: Merdeen, you're a pal. Oh, you're both pals. Now show me. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Your trouble is, Drathro, that you've no concept of what life is. Drathro: I have studied my work units for five centuries. I understand all their responses. What you would call life. The Doctor: Understanding is not the same as knowing, Drathro. Your work units are the result of millions of years of development. Life, Drathro. Drathro: I understand evolution. The Doctor: But you don't. If you could understand one tenth of what life was about, you'd want me to save those people out there. Drathro: Why? I have said that without me they have no purpose. The Doctor: Everything in life has its purpose, Drathro. Every creature plays its part. But the purpose of life is too big to be knowable. A million computers couldn't solve that one. Drathro: This discussion is of no value. I do not wish the work units to continue when I have ceased to function. The Doctor: Oh, that's it, isn't it? Hubris! Drathro: Hubris? The Doctor: Yes, hubris. False pride. A human sin. You've controlled your pointless little empire for too long. Now you can't see anything beyond it. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: We'll have to blast through them, Dibber. Dibber: Don't like it, Mister Glitz. Glitz: Five rounds rapid should do the trick. Dibber: And what if the L3's still functioning? Glitz: Eh? Dibber: What if he's got an emergency backup support system? Glitz: There are a lot of what ifs there, lad. Dibber: Yeah, but the most important of all is, what if I'm right? If we blast our way through there, well, he's not going to sit there on his iron botty, is he. Glitz: I see what you mean. Dibber: We walk through those doors and boom! Glitz: Boom, eh? Dibber: Well, he's probably got the floor mined. That's what I'd do. Glitz: You'd better go in first, then. Dibber: Oh, very droll, Mister Glitz. Now, what we got to do, we got to pick him off somehow so that he doesn't even know what's hit him. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Oh I don't know. All these tunnels look the same to me. Are you sure this leads into the castle? Merdeen: It must do. Balazar: There's no where else it could go. Peri: Talk about the tradesman's entrance. Glitz: Well, well. Peri: Glitz and Dibber. I wondered where you two had got to. Glitz: How do you do? Where is your friend, the Doctor? Peri: He's in the castle. Glitz: He didn't hang about, did he? Peri: I'm worried about him. Glitz: So am I. Peri: Well, Merdeen thinks we can get in through this hatch. Glitz: Go on, then. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: It's only a matter of minutes, Drathro. Can't I make you see sense? Drathro: It is finished. The Doctor: It's not just this planet. Nobody knows where a black light explosion might end. There's never been one. Drathro: There will be soon. The Doctor: Some people think it might cause a chain reaction which could roll on until all matter in the galaxy is exhausted. Is that what you want? Drathro: It is no longer of concern to me. The Doctor: Others believe an explosion might cause dimensional transference, which would threaten the stability of the entire universe. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Is that what I should have allowed to happen? The destruction of the universe? [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: These systems are protected by three shut-down levers. I must close them, Drathro. I must! Drathro: Look! The Doctor: What is it? Drathro: Intruders in the food production chamber! Drathro: So, that was your intention, Doctor. The Doctor: What? Drathro: To distract me. The Doctor: That's Peri. The Doctor: You can't do that! You can't! [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Food Processing [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: What's happening? [SCENE_BREAK] Food Processing chamber [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: What are we going to do? If we don't drown to death, we'll be fried. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: No! [SCENE_BREAK] Food Processing chamber [SCENE_BREAK] Dibber: Stand back. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: We come in friendship! Peri: Doctor, are you all right? The Doctor: Yeah, I'm all right for the moment, though not for long I fear. Glitz: What? Drathro: I would kill you all now, but it is unnecessary. We are waiting for something the Doctor tells me is unique. A black light explosion. Glitz: Do something, Dibber. Dibber: Such as what? The Doctor: I've been trying to convince this mobile junk heap here that none of this need happen if he'd only let me shut the system down. Glitz: That seems eminently sensible. The Doctor: Oh, he won't listen to reason. He needs black light to function so he sees no reason why the rest of us should survive. That is roughly your narrow, egotistical little view, isn't it, Drathro? Drathro: If I am doomed, then you are all doomed. Glitz: Now, wait a minute. I mean, why don't we just. I mean, if it's only black light you want, Drathro, we have plenty of that. Don't we, Dibber? Dibber: Do we? Glitz: On the ship, Dibber. Dibber: Oh, the black light. Yeah, we've got so much of that sometimes we can hardly see. Drathro: There is black light on your ship? Glitz: As my friend says. So, what I suggest we do is you come with us and we'll fix you up, eh? Drathro: Why? Glitz: Well, I hate to see a good looking robot like you go to waste. I'll tell you what else we can do for you. We can drop you back in the constellation of Andromeda. How about that? Drathro: It is possible? Glitz: And, oh, the secrets. Of course, you must bring them. I mean, they'll expect you to bring them. Drathro: How far from here is your ship? Glitz: Oh, right outside, really. No distance at all. Drathro: I could function for a short distance. Glitz: Of course you could. Drathro: Then I accept your offer. Take that. Tie these others up. I will fetch the secrets. Glitz: You two, over there. The Doctor: Well done! Dibber: Sorry, Doc. You heard what he said. The Doctor: Don't be a fool! Glitz: Slip-knot, Doctor. The best I can do for you. The Doctor: Strange how low cunning succeeds where intelligent reasoning fails. Glitz: Don't knock low cunning, Doctor. You're still here, aren't you? Oh, that's it is it? The secrets. My word, there should be a lot there. All microdots, no doubt. Come along then, Dibber. Open the door for the Immortal. The Doctor: Quickly, you've got to help me. It's a three stage cut-out. We've got to try and shut the machine down. Peri: Will that prevent an explosion? The Doctor: All I can do now is hope to contain it. Peri, press that row of buttons in front of you. Peri: Which ones? The Doctor: All of them! Merdeen, flick up all the switches with red neons on them. Merdeen: Neons? The Doctor: Oh, show him, Peri. Peri: Those. How long have we got? The Doctor: Not long. Oh, these levers haven't been moved in centuries. Peri: Now what? The Doctor: Get out of here, the pair of you. Peri: What about you? The Doctor: Get out! Merdeen, take her. The Doctor: I did my best. I only hope it's enough. [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: It's blowing up! Dibber: Er, you're not going to like this, Mister Glitz. Glitz: Is it finished? Dibber: All finished. And the secrets. Glitz: Eh? Dibber: Well, except for this. Glitz: And what's that? Dibber: It's a piece of black light converter aerial. Pure silictone. Glitz: The hardest known metal in the galaxy. Dibber: And the most expensive. What's more, there's got to be a couple of tons of the stuff... Glitz: I'm way ahead of you, my son. You know we could clean up on this job very nicely. What's more, we have a tasty little kitty for the next venture. Humker: Fresh air. What a wonderful smell. Tandrell: Do you know, you're right. Absolutely wonderful. Humker: That's the first time you've ever agreed with me. Tandrell: I know. Strange, isn't it. [SCENE_BREAK] Marb station [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: And still the lobster held on. You're in a worse mess than I am. Balazar: Are Merdeen and Peri safe? The Doctor: You can ask them for yourself. Merdeen: Balazar! Peri: Oh, I wish you wouldn't keep frightening me like this. The Doctor: I told you to get out of here. Peri: Please don't start. I'm too tired and too scared to cope. The Doctor: All right. Balazar: This seems to be the end, Doctor. As it is written in the books. The Doctor: No, Balazar. For you, this is the beginning. Chapter one, paragraph one, as they say. Take your people up to the surface where they belong. Balazar: Yes. Perhaps at last we shall find the habitat of the Canadian goose. The Doctor: Perhaps. The Doctor: Mmm. I think dinner's on him. Farewell, my loquacious friend. Right, let's get back to the TARDIS. Peri: It's the other way. The Doctor: What is? Peri: The TARDIS. The Doctor: I know. It's that way. Yes. Farewell. But there are still one or two questions that have to be answered, like who moved this planet two light years off its original course, and what was in that box that Glitz and Dibber were so interested it? Balazar: Goodbye, Old One, and thank you for your help. Peri: Old One. Hey, that's cute. The Doctor: I always knew there was an evil streak in you. Old One indeed. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Well, that's one up to me, I think. There can't be many people who can literally claim to have saved the entire universe. Well, if that's all the muck you can rake up... Valeyard: Sit down. Smugness does not become you, Doctor. The Doctor: That is an irrelevant observation. I think it's now my turn to prevent the case for the defence. Inquisitor: In due course. The Doctor: Well, that's not fair. Look, I wish it put on record that my involvement in the affairs of that planet resulted in the freedom of Drathro's underground slaves. Inquisitor: That has been noted. The Doctor: And despite the fact that evidence has been withheld, my presence there was most specifically requested. Valeyard: You showed little reluctance in complying with the request. The Doctor: Well, lives were at stake. Valeyard: Lives were lost, and because of your meddling, Doctor. The Doctor: I deny that. Without my help, an entire civilisation might have been wiped out. Valeyard: Without your interference it might have involved less sacrifice of human life. The Doctor: That was a risk I had to take. Valeyard: Risk! Risk! Hear how the Doctor condemns himself by his own words. Inquisitor: Gentlemen! Doctor, perhaps you should heed the Valeyard. May I suggest that for the time being you have said enough. The Doctor: Said enough? Said enough? I have a great deal more to say. Inquisitor: Be silent, Doctor. The Doctor: I wish to demonstrate... Inquisitor: You will have your turn when the Valeyard has finished his presentation. Valeyard: Thank you, Inquisitor. The Doctor: Well, if the rest of his presentation is as riveting as the first little epic, wake me when it's finished. Valeyard: Finished? I've barely started. The Doctor: Well, for nothing more than your future in the legal profession, I only hope your evidence gets a little better. Valeyard: Oh yes, Doctor, much better. The most damning is still to come. And when I have finished, this court will demand your life.	Plan: A: the underground bunker; Q: Where do Queen Katryca and the tribesmen arrive? A: Drathro; Q: Who is the Immortal one? A: The Doctor; Q: Who tries to convince Drathro that he will repair the Black Light system? A: a possible upcoming explosion; Q: What does the Doctor fear could destroy the universe? Summary: Queen Katryca and the rest of the tribesmen arrive at the underground bunker where they confront Drathro The Immortal one. The Doctor tries to convince Drathro that he will repair the Black Light system while he fears that a possible upcoming explosion of the system could have the potential to destroy the universe.
-[Real World]- (Regina and Henry are eating dinner at home. They eat in silence, until the doorbell rings.) Regina: I don't recall us expecting any company. (Regina gets up to answer the door. It's Emma.) Regina: Sheriff Swan. What are you doing here? Emma: Henry invited me. Regina: Do you honestly believe, I'd allow you into my house for dinner, after all the threats you made to my family? Emma: I didn't come for dinner. Regina: Then, what did you come for? Emma: You. (Confused, Regina looks behind her into the kitchen and discovers that Henry is gone. She turns back to Emma, where several other Storybrooke citizens have gathered behind her.) Emma: We all did. (Regina turns around and starts to retreat into the house, when she sees Henry holding a noose at the top of the stairs.) Regina: Henry. (The mob brings Regina to the main street, where an apple tree has sprung up in the middle of the road. They tie her to the tree as she protests. The rest of the town watches on.) Regina: No... No.... Let me go. I command it! Ruby: After everything you've done to all of us? Archie: My apologies, Your Majesty, but my conscience is clear! Leroy: You're not Queen anymore, sister! Granny: Tighter! She needs to feel our pain! MMB: You took our love and ripped it apart! David: And now, you're going to pay! (Emma approaches Regina and picks one of the blackened apples off the tree. She holds it in front of Regina and crushes it in her hand.) Emma: Rotten to the core. Regina: I just wanted to win... For once. (Emma grabs Regina by the throat.) Emma: You took away our happiness, and now it's our turn to take away yours. (Emma lets go of Regina's neck and walks towards the crowd. David pulls out a sword and hands it to Emma.) Regina: ...What? Regina: Henry. Henry, please don't let them do this to me. Henry: You did this to yourself. (Wielding the sword, Emma aims for Regina and swings. Before the sword hits her, Regina awakens from the dream and jolts upright in her bed. She quickly gets up and heads to Henry's room to check on him. Inside, she sees him underneath the blanket. Regina exits and the camera pans to show that the form under the blanket isn't Henry, but instead a pile of pillows.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Henry are driving along the road that leads out of Storybrooke.) Henry: Is that all your stuff? Emma: All I need. Henry: Wait. You want to go now? We're leaving now? Emma: Uh-huh. I'm getting you out of here. Away from all this. Away from her. Henry: No, no. Stop the car! You can't leave Storybrooke. You have to break the curse. Emma: No, I don't. I have to help you. Henry: But you're a hero - you can't run. You have to help everybody. Emma: Henry, I know it's hard for you to see it, but I'm doing what's best for you. That's what you wanted when you brought me to Storybrooke. Henry: But the curse... You're the only chance to bring back the happy endings. Emma: Henry... (Henry reaches over and grabs the steering wheel.) Emma: Henry! (Henry causes the car to veer off the road and into a ditch.) Emma: Henry! What were you doing? You could've gotten us killed! Henry: Please! Please, don't make me go! We can't go! Everything's here... Me, your parents, your family. Please, Emma. They need you. Your family needs you. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Two guards bring Prince Charming before King George.) King George: Did you really think that I would let you get away? Hm? You appear to have had quite the adventure since then. Prince Charming: Whatever it is you're going to do to me, get on with it. King George: I took you in as my son, and you betrayed me. I would've given you everything. The crown, the kingdom. All you had to do was marry King Midas' daughter. But, you decided to follow 'true love'. Prince Charming: Losing my life for love... That's a sacrifice I am happy to make. King George: As you wish. (The guards drag Prince Charming over to the guillotine, where they secure his head under the blade.) King George: Release the blade. (The blade is released, but magically dissolves into water before it reaches Prince Charming's neck.) King George: What is the meaning of this? (The Evil Queen enters with her cohorts.) Evil Queen: Sorry to drop in on you. King George: Regina. What do you want? Evil Queen: I want the man you pretend is your son. And I'm prepared to pay any riches Midas promised you in return for him. King George: What do you plan to do to him? Evil Queen: Oh, I promise he'll suffer. Far more than some swift and simple beheading. King George: How? Evil Queen: By using him to destroy his one true love. By using him to bring an end to Snow White. -[Real World]- (From the window, Regina notices that her apple tree is wilting. When she goes to investigate, she finds that the apples are beginning to rot. She heads for Mr. Gold's shop.) Mr. Gold: Your Majesty. To what do I owe the pleasure? Regina: My tree is dying. Why? Mr. Gold: Perhaps, it's your fertilizer. Regina: You think this is funny? Well, I'll tell you what I think. I think it's a sign of the curse weakening because of Emma. But do you care? No. You're content to just sit back and do... Whatever it is you're doing, while all my hard work burns. Mr. Gold: That's not all, is it? Come on. You might as well get everything off your chest. Regina: I don't know what you're talking about. Mr. Gold: Henry. Miss Swan wants him. Regina: She'll have that boy over my dead body. Mr. Gold: The curse was meant to take away Snow White and Prince Charming's happiness. Perhaps, you giving up Henry is just the price to keep the curse unbroken. Regina: I think I'd rather just get rid of her. Mr. Gold: Well, well. You're going to have to be quite creative. We both know the repercussions in killing Miss Swan. The curse will be... Regina: The curse will be broken. That's because you designed it that way. Undo it. Mr. Gold: You know... Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Magic... Well... Is in short supply around here and dwindling by the minute. Regina: You want the curse broken. Why? Mr. Gold: That's not something I care to discuss. Regina: Don't bother. You can shove your reasons. I want to strike a new deal. One where I can get rid of Emma without shattering the curse. Mr. Gold: Unfortunately for you, a negotiation requires two interested parties, and I'm already planning a trip. Regina: I'll give you anything. Mr. Gold: You no longer have anything I want, dearie. But I will give you a piece of advice, free of charge. I'd plan a trip of your own. Because, once people waken up and remember who you are and what you did to them... They are going to be looking for blood. [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside the school, Regina finds Paige's bike locked in the bike rack. She sticks a 'White Rabbit' card to the back of it and walks away. At Mary Margaret's apartment, Emma returns.) MMB: Oh. Thought you'd left. Emma: Mary Margaret... MMB: But I couldn't tell for sure, because you didn't bother to say goodbye. Do you remember when I left? When I ran? What you said to me? You said, we have to stick together. That we're like... Family. Emma: Yeah. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left. MMB: You're right - you shouldn't have. So why, after everything, did you just go? Emma: I don't want to be Sheriff. I don't want people relying on me. I don't want this. Any of it. MMB: What about Henry? Emma: I took him with me. MMB: You abducted him? Emma: Maybe. MMB: So, you don't want people to rely on you, but you took your son? Now, that sounds like a stable home for him. What the hell is wrong with you? Emma: I want what's best for him. MMB: And running is what's best for him? Or, is that what's best for you? You're reverting, Emma, into the person you were before you got here. And I thought you'd changed. Emma: You thought wrong. MMB: Well, regardless, you have to do what's right for Henry now. Emma: What's that? MMB: Oh, I don't know. You're his mother - that's your job. So, you figure it out. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White and her 'army' are stationed outside of King George's castle. Snow White spies on the guards through a telescope.) Snow White: If we're going to get him out, we're going to have to get over that wall. There's a soldier on every parapet. Granny: We're going to need some air support. Grumpy: Air? I know just the person who can help us - someone who owes me a favor. (A noise is heard in the forest behind them. Everyone turns, aiming their weapons, when Red wanders out. She has blood near her mouth.) Red: Don't shoot. It's only me. Snow White: Uh, Red, you know, you got someone on your chin. Red: Sorry. Snow White: What were you able to find out? Red: Your Prince is still alive. Snow White: Then, why don't you look happy? Red: Because I also heard word the Queen is here. Snow White: She knew I'd come for him. Granny: It's a trap. Snow White: Indeed. It matters not. I can't stop now. But I'll understand if any of you want to turn back. Group: No! Not a chance! Snow White: Oh. Well, then there's no time to waste. (The group sets out towards the castle.) Red: Why is the Queen doing this? Snow White: I destroyed her happiness. And now, she wants to destroy mine. [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen enters the dungeon where Prince Charming is being held.) Evil Queen: Leave us. (The guards leave the two of them alone.) Prince Charming: What do you want? Evil Queen: Hm... I suppose I see the allure. I wonder if you'll be quite so incorruptible after your precious Snow is gone. Prince Charming: Whatever she did to you, leave her alone and take my life instead. Evil Queen: Oh, who said anything about taking her life? Oh, no. I have a far more satisfying brand of punishment for her. (She turns and begins to walk out of the cell. She takes out a leather satchel, and pulls out the poisoned apple.) -[Real World]- (Regina is staring at her apple tree from the window of her office, when Jefferson enters.) Regina: Jefferson. So, you got my message. Jefferson: How could I miss it? You know I watch her. Regina: It must be so painful, your daughter Paige being oh, so near. Jefferson: Grace. Her name is Grace. You should know that - you changed it. What do you want? Regina: Your help. Jefferson: And what makes you think, I won't kill you after everything you've done? Regina: Because you don't have it in you. If you did, you would have done it twenty-eight years ago when I brought you here. Because you know if I'm dead, you'll never get back to your daughter. And I have a way for us to both get what we want. (Regina retrieves Jefferson's hat box and places it on the table.) Jefferson: My hat. Regina: I want you to use it again. Jefferson: I can't make it work. No one can. Not here. Not without magic. Regina: Well, then you're in luck, because I happen to have some. Not a lot... But hopefully, enough... For one last journey. Jefferson: Where? Regina: Back to our land. Where there's a solution to a very delicate problem I have... How to get rid of the one person who could break my curse. Jefferson: Emma. And why shouldn't I let her do just that? End the madness and go home. Regina: To your hovel? Selling fungus at the fair? Why? When you could just stay here in the mansion I gave you? My problem, Jefferson, is the same as yours. It's family. We both want our children back, and we both can get them, if we work together. Jefferson: Why should I trust you now? Regina: You shouldn't. But it's the only offer you've got. After we're through, I'll wake up your dear Grace, so she remembers who you are. Jefferson: No. Remembering is the worst curse. Two lives in her head, like me. I want to forget. I want you to write us a new story, a fresh start, here. Regina: Well, my dear Jefferson, then that's exactly what you'll have. Oh. After we take care of Miss Swan. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White, the dwarves, and Granny wait positioned outside the castle. They hear a howl in the distance.) Snow White: Thank you, Red. Do it. (One of the dwarves fires a flaming arrow into the sky.) Snow White: Move out. Grumpy: I miss Stealthy. (The group starts towards the castle. In the sky, the Blue Fairy, along with the rest of the fairies, are waiting for the signal. They see the flaming arrow below them.) Blue Fairy: We're a go. Fairies! Attack! (A massive horde of fairies swarm the castle. Below, Snow White and company begin scaling the walls of the castle. Once up, several guards attempt to attack them. They fend them off and continue down to the courtyard. In the courtyard, they battle with King George's guards. They eventually manage to defeat all of them, but are stopped when another wave of guards arrive and surround them. However, they are saved by the fairies, who wipe out all of the guards with fairy dust. The group continues into the castle.) -[Real World]- (Henry knocks on August's door at the inn.) August: Hang on. (August answers the door, and Henry pushes his way into the room.) Henry: August, please. I need your help. Emma wants to leave. August: What? Slow down. Henry: Y-You were going to make her believe. You have to. August: I know, Henry. I'm sorry. I... I failed. Henry: Failed? August: I tried to show her. At first it was my legs, and now... Now take a look... At the unvarnished truth. (August pulls back his sleeve, revealing a wooden arm.) Henry: It's wood. August: Yes. Henry: All of this... I was right. The curse... It's real! August: You're a smart kid. Henry: And you're Pinocchio. August: What gave it away? Henry: But, why are you turning back to wood? Your story... You should be real. August: I'm changing back because... I haven't exactly been a good boy. And... Well... If the curse doesn't break... This doesn't stop. Henry: So, we show Emma that you're turning back into the puppet you were, and then, she has to believe. And, when she does, she could break the curse. August: I tried that. She doesn't want to see, so she doesn't. There's nothing more that I can do. I-I'm getting tired. It's hard to ride and it's hard to walk. Soon, it's going to be hard to breathe. Henry: So, we have to do something fast. August: There's nothing to do. And with what little time I have left, I want to spend it with my father. Henry: Marco. August: Told you you're a smart kid. Henry: So, everyone's giving up. August: I'm afraid that I don't have a choice. I'm sorry, kid, but I'm out of Operation Cobra. Now, it's up to you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Archie are sitting in Granny's Diner.) Archie: Emma, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you don't have any case for custody. Emma: Even after everything she's done? Archie: Which you can't prove. Let me just ask you a question - with this war raging on, who really is getting hurt here? Emma: I know. Henry. But isn't it a good thing that he's spending time with me? I'm his mother. Archie: Yes, you are. And so is Regina. And l-look, the court is going to come in and look at him and see how he's been since you've come into his life. Emma: And he's been happier, right? Archie: Maybe. I mean, objectively? He's skipped school, he's stolen a credit card, he's run off, he's... He's endangered himself, repeatedly. And so, in the eyes of the law, it's not so- Emma: And what about in your eyes? What do you think? Archie: I mean, a while ago, I told you to engage him in his fantasy life, and... And perhaps I was wrong, because he's only retreated further into it. Emma: You think he's better off with her? Archie: I never said that. Emma: Do you think that she would ever hurt him? Archie: No. Never. I mean, everyone else, but not him. Look, right or wrong, her actions have all been defensive. I'm not judging, but... In many ways, your arrival has woken a sleeping dragon. Emma: Tell me honestly - has he been better off since I got here? Archie: It's not a matter of better off. It's... It's a matter of this war has to end. If you two are going to be in his life, you have to figure out the best way to do that. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White enters the dungeon. She sees Prince Charming in his cell.) Snow White: Charming... Charming! Prince Charming: Snow... (She grabs the keys and opens his cell, only to discover that there is only a mirror in the cell with Prince Charming's image.) Snow White: You're... No... No... Oh, no! Prince Charming: The Queen took me to her palace. Snow White: But I'm rescuing you. Prince Charming: Snow... Snow White: Is this always going to be our life? Taking turns finding each other? Prince Charming: We'll be together, I know it. Have faith. (Prince Charming's image is obscured by purple smoke. When it clears, an image of the Evil Queen is in his place.) Evil Queen: I just had to stop you. I have no interest in cleaning tongue marks off my mirror. Snow White: Let him go. Your fight is with me. Evil Queen: My thoughts exactly. Have you ever heard of a parley? We break off all this messy fighting and have a little talk. Just you and me. Come unarmed. Snow White: Where do I meet you? Evil Queen: Where it all began. [SCENE_BREAK] (Snow White and the group are gathered in the main room of the castle. She starts unloading all of her weapons.) Snow White: Stop trying to talk me out of this. The castle is secure - I'm going. Grumpy: Keep the little knife between your tuffets. Snow White: I promised I would come alone and unarmed. It's a parley. There are rules. Red: You're too noble for your own good. Snow White: I'm not. But, enough of you have risked your lives because of something that's between the Queen and me. I will not let anyone else get hurt because of me. Red: Except you. Snow White: Thank you for your concern, but this ends today. (The dwarves block her path when she tries to leave.) Grumpy: We can't let you go. Snow White: I'm not asking. Thank you for your support. I love each and every one of you, but this is something I have to do... Alone. (Snow White leaves.) Red: I don't like this. I don't trust that Queen. -[Real World]- (Regina leads Jefferson down a set of stairs, leading to what looks to be an underground tomb. Several urns and boxes line the walls.) Regina: Watch your step. Jefferson: What is this place? Regina: Where I've kept the last bit of my magic. The only magic in this world is in the things I brought with me. (Jefferson places his hat in the center of the room. Nothing happens.) Jefferson: It's not spinning. It's not working. Regina: It needs to absorb the magic that's here. I have some things left. A few trinkets. (She takes a box from one of the side walls, and dumps its contents into the hat. Once again, nothing happens.) Jefferson: It's not enough. You need something that still works. (Regina pulls out Daniel's ring and holds it up. Produced by magic, Daniel's face can be seen in the middle of it.) Jefferson: Who's that? Regina: Someone long gone. Jefferson: Well, whatever or whoever it is, it still has magical properties. Give me that, and let me see what I can do with it. (She hesitates.) Jefferson: If you want your son back, if you want your revenge, give it to me. (Regina drops the ring into the hat. A slight purple vortex begins to form, but the hat stops spinning.) Regina: What's wrong? Why isn't it opening a portal? Jefferson: The magic - it's not enough. We can't go anywhere. Regina: Then you failed. Jefferson: Maybe not. There's enough magic to touch the other side, just not to get us there. There might be enough to... Reach through and retrieve something. Regina: I can bring something back? Jefferson: Is there an object that can help you? Perhaps, I can open it enough and reach through and grab it. It would have to be small. Something that you can take with your hand. Is there anything like that that can help you? Regina: Yes. Yes, I believe there is. Jefferson: Then, you need to direct me to the time and place where this object exists. (Jefferson hands the hat to Regina.) Regina: How? Jefferson: Think about it. Guide the hat. (Regina closes her eyes and thinks for a moment. When she places the hat back on the ground, a proper vortex begins to form.) Jefferson: Excellent. It appears to be working. Now, what is it we're after? Regina: An apple. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White enters the stables from the Evil Queen's childhood, which is the designated meeting place.) Snow White: Hello, Regina. Evil Queen: Follow me. (The Evil Queen leads Snow White into the field, where they come to a tombstone. It has a heart etched into it.) Evil Queen: Do you remember when I ran down your runaway horse, Snow? Do you remember when I saved your life? Snow White: Of course. It all looks the same. Evil Queen: Not quite. This is new. Snow White: Is that... Evil Queen: A grave. Daniel's grave. Snow White: Daniel? I thought... Evil Queen: He ran away? I told you that to spare your feelings out of...kindness. But he died because of you. Snow White: I-I'm... I'm sorry. Evil Queen: I'm sorry, too. But nothing can change what happened. What you did. You promised to keep my secret. You promised, but you lied. Snow White: I was very young, and your mother- Evil Queen: She ripped his heart out because of you. Because you couldn't listen to me. Snow White: You took my father. Haven't we both suffered enough? Evil Queen: No. (The Evil Queen pulls the poisoned apple out of its satchel.) Snow White: What is that? Evil Queen: It's just a morsel. Did you know that apples stand for health and wisdom? Snow White: So, why do I get the feeling that one might kill me? Evil Queen: It won't kill you. No, what it will do is far worse. Your body will be your tomb, and you'll be in there with nothing but dreams formed of your own regrets. Snow White: And you're going to force me to eat it. Evil Queen: Of course not. It wouldn't work anyway. The choice is yours. It must be taken willingly. Snow White: And why would I do that? Evil Queen: Because, if you refuse the apple, your Prince, your Charming, will be killed. Snow White: No... Evil Queen: As I said, the choice is yours. Snow White: I take that apple, and he lives? That's the deal you want to make? Evil Queen: With all my heart. Snow White: Then, congratulations. You've won. (Snow White takes a bite of the apple. Within seconds, she collapses to the ground. Simultaneously, Prince Charming experiences a stabbing pain in his chest. He scrambles to the door of his cell and begins yelling.) Prince Charming: Snow... What have you done to her? What have you done? Snow! (The apple rolls from Snow White's hand, and disappears through a portal.) -[Real World]- (The apple appears in the Real World through the hat. Jefferson catches it.) Jefferson: Is this it? Regina: Yes. Yes, it is. Jefferson: And my daughter? My Grace? Regina: First things first. The deal's not done. Not until I solve the next conundrum. How to get this saviour to taste my forbidden fruit... [SCENE_BREAK] (In her kitchen, Regina chops up the apple and fashions it into a turnover. While it's baking, Emma rings the doorbell. Regina answers.) Emma: We need to talk. Regina: Yes, I imagine we do. I was just about to call you. Come right in. (Regina lets Emma into the house.) Regina: Do what you're so skilled at and make yourself at home. I believe you came to see me. Emma: Right. Look, this isn't easy. I think that this... Whatever is between us needs to end. Regina: At last, something we can agree on. Emma: I want to make a deal with you about Henry. Regina: I'm not making any deals with you- Emma: I'm leaving town. Regina: What? Emma: This... What we're doing is a problem, and I'm going to go, but I have conditions. I still get to see Henry. I get to visit and spend time, whatever. Regina: And you get to see him. You're still in his life. Emma: Look, in any deal, both parties are a little unhappy. But, let's be honest - we both know the world where I'm not in his life no longer exists, and there's no one who can do anything about that. (The timer on the stove beeps.) Regina: You're right. Would you mind following me for a moment? (They head to the kitchen. Regina takes the turnover out of the oven.) Regina: So, what are you proposing? Emma: I don't know. Just figure it out as we go. Regina: But he's my son. Emma: Yeah. (Emma goes to leave, but Regina stops her.) Regina: Oh, Miss Swan? Maybe a little something for the road? (She takes out a Tupperware container and gestures to the turnover.) Emma: Thanks. Regina: If we're going to be in each other's lives, it's time we start being cordial. My famous turnovers. Old recipe. But delicious. (Regina packs up the turnover and hands it to Emma.) Emma: Thank you. Regina: I do hope you like apples. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Red and Granny arrive at the stables to search for Snow White, while the dwarves search the field.) Red: Snow was here. I can smell it. Granny: Snow! Snow! (Grumpy yells in the distance.) Grumpy: She's over here! (Red and Granny run towards the source and find Grumpy and the rest of the dwarves gathered around the unconscious Snow White.) Grumpy: I found her lying here like this. Is she... Red: Granny, give me your dagger. Bashful: Maybe she's just sleeping. (Red places the dagger under Snow White's nose.) Red: She has no breath. She's gone. She sacrificed herself... For true love. Grumpy: She sacrificed herself for all of us. (The Evil Queen watches them through the mirror in her castle.) Evil Queen: It would appear sacrifice is overrated. Speaking of... (She waves her hand and magically switches scenes to Prince Charming's cell.) Prince Charming: Snow! What have you done to her? What have you done? -[Real World]- (Regina enters Mr. Gold's shop.) Regina: I hope you bought travel insurance, because no one's going anywhere. Mr. Gold: Oh, really? And why's that? Regina: Because I found a solution to my Emma Swan problem. Mr. Gold: Oh, yes? Regina: An old, reliable solution. Mr. Gold: A sleeping curse. Might I ask how you managed to obtain one here in Storybrooke? Regina: By sacrificing the last bit of magic I had left. Mr. Gold: So, you made magic from magic. Well, I'm sure I don't have to remind you that, uh, all magic comes with a price. Regina: Then you can pay it. Because now, the curse is going to be stronger than ever. And you will be right here where you belong. Don't you understand? I won. So, whatever plan you had... Whatever reason you wanted the curse broken... Too bad. Because it's never going to happen. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, there is a knock on the door. Emma answers it. It's Henry, who she lets in.) Henry: Hey, Emma. Everything okay? You sounded strange over the walkie. Emma: Oh, um... No, I'm okay. Just, um... Yesterday, when I tried to take you away, you were right. I can't take you out of Storybrooke. But I can't stay either. Henry: What? Emma: I have to go. Henry: Go? You mean leave Storybrooke? Emma: Yeah. I spoke to Regina, and we made a deal. I'm still going to be able to see you, just not... Every day. Henry: No! No, you can't trust her! Emma: I have to. It's my only choice. It's what's best for you, Henry. Every time I fight her, someone else gets hurt. Henry: No, no, no! You're just scared. This happens to all heroes. It's just the low moment before you fight back. Emma: Henry! This isn't a story. This is reality. And things have to change. You can't skip school, you can't run away, and... You can't believe in curses. Henry: Y-you really don't believe? Emma: I... This is how it has to be right now. I made a deal, and I used my superpower. She's telling the truth. She's going to take really good care of you. Henry: Yes, but she wants you dead. Emma: Come on, Henry! Henry: You're the only one that can stop her. Emma: Stop her from what? All she's ever done is fight for you. It just... Got out of hand. I'm sorry. (Henry hugs Emma. The two of them continue to embrace, when Henry notices the turnover on the table.) Henry: Where did you get that? Emma: Regina gave it to me. Henry: Apple! Emma: So? Henry: You can't eat that. It's poison. Emma: What? Henry: Don't you see? The deal... It was all a trick to get you to eat that, to get rid of the saviour. Emma: Henry, come on. Why would she do that when I just told her I was going to go? Henry: Because as long as you're alive, you're a threat to the curse. Emma: Henry, you've got to stop thinking like this. Henry: But it's the truth! And you leaving isn't going to change that. Emma: I'll prove it to you. Henry: No! (Henry grabs the turnover from Emma.) Emma: Henry... What are you doing? Henry: I'm sorry it had to come to this. You may not believe in the curse... Or in me. But I believe in you. (He takes a bite of the turnover. Nothing happens.) Emma: See? You want to have some ice cream with that? And then we can go back to talking about... (Henry suddenly collapses.) Emma: Henry? Henry? Henry! -[End]-	Plan: A: Henry; Q: Who pleads with Emma to stay in Storybrooke? A: her quest; Q: What does Henry want Emma to continue? A: the fairytale dwellers; Q: Who does Emma want to save? A: Regina; Q: Who concocts a plan to rid herself of Emma forever? A: the fairytale land; Q: Where does Snow White go to save Prince Charming? A: Snow White; Q: Who enlists the aid of her fellow fairytale cohorts to attack the Evil Queen? A: Prince Charming's life; Q: What does Snow White want to save? Summary: Henry pleads with Emma to stay in Storybrooke and continue her quest as the savior of the fairytale dwellers, and Regina concocts a plan that could rid her of Emma forever. Meanwhile, back in the fairytale land that was, Snow White enlists the aid of her fellow fairytale cohorts to attack the Evil Queen and save Prince Charming's life.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Jennifer: Aah! What do you want? Are you gonna kill me? Derek: I was gonna see if you were okay. Scott: This isn't the talk we were gonna have, is it? Braeden: I know you're afraid of him. Deucalion: Someone once taught me a very smart way to eliminate threat... get someone else to do it for you. Braeden: Derek. Isaac: They killed the girl that saved me. I'm gonna kill 'em too. Coach: Back to your seat. Isaac: Stop thinking about it, man. Boyd: Like, you're not thinking about it too? Isaac: Well, stop thinking about it. Boyd: I can't. Isaac: Well, there's nothing you can do about it either. Isaac: You sure about that? Danny: Everything okay? Ethan: Yeah. Why? Danny: You checked your phone three times in the last five minutes. Ethan: Waiting for a message. Danny: Anything important? Ethan: No. Nothing. Stiles: Yo, Scotty. Hey, yo, Scotty? Still with me? Scott: Yeah, sorry. Uh, what's the word? Stiles: "Anachronism." Scott: Something that exists out of its normal time. Stiles: Nice. Okay, next word... "incongruous." Scott: Um, can you use it in a sentence? Stiles: Yes. Yes, I can. It's completely incongruous that we're sitting on a bus right now, on our way to some stupid cross-country meet after what just happened... incongruous. Scott: Out of place, ridiculous, absurd. Stiles: Perfect. Okay, next word. Um, Darach. Darach, it's a noun. We have to talk about it sometime, okay? And we're gonna be stuck in this thing for, like, five hours, so why not? Next word... "Intransigent." Scott: Stubborn, obstinate. Stiles: Oh, buddy, you okay? We shouldn't have come. I knew it. We shouldn't have come. Scott: We had to. There's safety in numbers. Stiles: Yeah, well, there's also death in numbers, okay? It's called a massacre... or bloodbath, carnage, slaughter, butchery, wow, that's... all right, Scott, I'm telling coach that... Scott: No. No, no, no. I'm all right. Stiles: Well, you don't look all right Would you just let me see it? Scott: I'm okay. Stiles: Just let me see it, okay? Scott: Okay. Stiles: Oh, dude... Scott: I know it's bad, but it's because they're from an Alpha. It'll take longer to heal. Stiles: How come Boyd and Isaac are fine then? Scott: I can't believe he's dead. I can't believe Derek's dead. Allison: Am I getting too close? I'm getting way too close, aren't I? Lydia: That depends. Are you just following the bus, or are you planning on mounting it at some point? Allison: Yeah, I should back off. Lydia: Well, that also depends. Oh, do you mean the bus or the ex-boyfriend you're currently stalking? Allison: Well, after it happened, I'm not letting him out of my sight. Lydia: Hm. Allison: And by the way, this all started when he came knocking at my door. Lydia: For what? Scott: I found it outside of the school, right where Isaac got Boyd and Cora to turn back. Allison: How do you know it's not from the archery team? Scott: We don't have an archery team. Allison: Oh. Scott: And even if we did, they probably wouldn't be using military grade armor-piercing titanium arrowheads. I looked it up. Allison: Maybe it's one of my father's. Scott: I thought you guys had some kind of agreement where you both stay out of all this. Allison: Is that why you came here? To tell me to stay out of this? Scott: No. Allison: Okay. Well, I can take care of myself. Scott: I know. But these guys, Allison, if you didn't notice, they're pretty terrifying. Plus, they have some serious advantages, like superhuman strength. Allison: You're pretty strong, and I can handle you. Scott: Me? Allison: You don't think I'd have a chance against you? Scott: I didn't say that. Allison: Maybe you didn't notice, but I'm pretty good with a bow and arrow. Scott: Okay, well, what if you didn't have it? I still have super strength. Allison: I have skills and training. Scott: I have claws. Allison: I'm smarter. Scott: Well, I'm faster. Allison: Prove it... Okay, I get it. You can let go now. Scott: I'm sorry, I... Allison: Don't... don't apologize. You're right. Scott: I was just trying... Allison: I got it. You made your point. Scott: Allison, the twins were just messing with us. I've seen the others. I'm not telling you this because I don't think you couldn't easily kick my ass if you wanted to. I'm telling this because they scare the hell out of me. And they should scare you too. Deucalion: Going down? Scott: I know where they are. Derek: Same building as the Argents, we know. Boyd: Cora and I followed the twins. Scott: Then they want you to know. Peter: Or, more likely, they don't care. Scott: What is this? Peter: Isn't it obvious? The schemers are scheming, coming up with a coup de main, better known as a pre-emptive strike. Scott: You're going after them? Derek: Tomorrow. And you're gonna help us. Coach: Two of you, back in your seats. Jared, again, car sick? Every ti... how do you even get on the bus? Look at me. No, don't look at me. Look at the horizon. Keep your eyes... keep your eyes on the horizon. McCall, not you too. Scott: No, coach, I'm good. Stiles: Hey, Scott, you're bleeding again. And don't tell me that it's just taking longer to heal, okay? Because I'm pretty sure that still bleeding means not healing, like, at all. Scott: He's listening. Stiles: Is he gonna do something? Scott: Not in front of this many people. Stiles: Okay, well, what about the two ticking time bombs sitting right near him? Scott: No, they won't. Not here. Stiles: Okay, well, what if they do? Are you gonna stop 'em? Scott: If I have to. Derek: They're one floor above them in the penthouse, right above Allison. Scott: So kill them first, that's the plan? Boyd: They won't even see it coming. Scott: Why is the default plan always murder? Just once, can someone try to come up with something that doesn't involve killing everyone? Peter: You never get tired of being so blandly moral, do you? Not that I disagree with him. Cora: I do. Why do we need this kid? Derek: This kid helped save your life. And you know we can't just sit back and wait for them to make the first move. Scott: You can't beat a pack of alphas. Cora: That's why we're going after Deucalion, just him. Boyd: Cut off the head of the snake and the body dies. Peter: Only this isn't a snake, it's a hydra. And like Scott says, they're all alphas. Derek: Deucalion's still the leader. Peter: Let's hope so. Because you know what happened when Hercules cut off one of the heads of the hydra? Scott: Two more grew back in its place. Peter: Somebody's been doing their summer reading. Lydia: So is that whole "not let them out of your sight" thing literal or more like a general rule? Allison: Why? Lydia: You're running on fumes. Allison: Ugh. Lydia: Yeah. And I'm pretty sure that bus holds a lot more gas than this Toyota. Allison: What if we stop? Lydia: Is it really that big of a deal? I mean, so we lose them. We know where they're headed. Allison: You didn't see what happened. Lydia: I know who started it. Allison: Is that what Aiden told you? Lydia: Aiden? Lydia: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. Is that why you invited me on this whole little road trip thing? Oh, my gosh. You're keeping an eye on them and me. Allison: So there's nothing going on between you two? Lydia: I'm appalled by the insinuation. Allison: Nothing? Lydia: Nothing. Lydia: What do you think you're doing? Aiden: What do you mean? Stiles: I mean your hands. Aiden: They're on your waist. Lydia: I know. What am I, a nun? Put them somewhere useful. Aiden: Is that better? Lydia: Moderately. What? Isaac: There's a jackknifed tractor a few Miles ahead. Could miss the meet. Boyd? Boyd? What... what... Stiles: Scott? Where are you going? Scott: Boyd. He's gonna do something. Stiles: Okay, what? How do you know? Scott: Look at his hands. Deucalion: Come on, Scott, put those away. I'd have to be blind, deaf, and quadriplegic for you to be an actual threat. Or maybe you should take a chance. Your heartbeat's steady. You might be afraid of me, but you're controlling it. Maybe you'd actually rise to the occasion, become an Alpha by killing one. Scott: I'm not like you. I don't have to kill people. Deucalion: Hm. Not yet. But situations come about, situations where you realize the only way to protect one person is to kill another. Scott: You wanna threaten me? Is that why you're here? Deucalion: No. I live here. Scott: What? Deucalion: I live here. It's a great building. And the neighbors are surprisingly friendly. Scott: What do you want? Deucalion: I want to see what you're made of.Could someone hit the button for penthouse? Peter: It's just me, your Uncle, Uncle Peter. Cora: Uncle Peter who killed sister Laura. Peter: Mm, not my finest hour, no. But I'm hardly the only dysfunctional family member. Did Derek mention that he killed me too. Slashed my throat, ear to ear. Cora: So that means I should trust you? Peter: Actually, I'm wondering if I can trust you. Cora: You've known me for 17 years. Peter: I knew you for 11, leaving the last 6 unaccounted for. And I'm not particularly fond of things unaccounted. Cora: What are you doing here? Peter: Same as you... wondering where the bodies went. Wondering if they were carried out, or maybe if one of them managed to find enough strength to push himself up off the floor and walk out, leaving the two of us standing here to answer the all-important question. Cora: Which one? Scott: I don't know what else to do. Do I keep trying to get them to listen to me? Do I tell Derek that he's gonna get them all killed? How do you save someone who doesn't wanna be saved? How do I stop them? Deaton: Don't stop them. Lead them. Boyd: Let go. Scott: You got a plan. Tell me your brilliant plan, and I'll let go. What are you gonna do? Kill him, right here? And then what? What are you gonna do after that? Boyd: I don't care. Scott: I do. Isaac: Whoa, whoa, you're still hurt. Scott: I'm fine. Give me a chance to figure something out, something that doesn't have to end with someone else dying. Boyd: Okay. Stiles: Crisis averted? Scott: Mm-hmm. Stiles: Okay, good. 'Cause we got another problem. Ethan keeps checking his phone, like, every five minutes. It's like he's waiting for something, you know, like, a message or a signal of some kind. I don't know, something evil though, I can tell. I have a very perceptive eye for evil, but you know that. Scott: I don't like him sitting with Danny. Stiles: Yeah, neither do I. I'm gonna see what he's waiting for. Scott: What are you doing? Stiles: I'm gonna ask. [SCENE_BREAK] Ethan: Something wrong? Danny: Actually, I was... Wondering the same thing about you. Stiles: Well, that wasn't very subtle. Scott: Ennis? Stiles: Okay, so does that mean, uh... Scott: He's not dead. Stiles: Not yet. Deaton: It's open. Ms Morrell: We could use a little help. Deaton: Try the hospital. Ms Morrell : Open the gate, Alan. Deaton: No. Kali: Help us. Or maybe I just kill her. Deaton: Not here, you won't. I suggest you leave. Don't make me insist. Ms Morrell: Alan, if he dies, they'll go after the others. And don't think their little protege Scott won't find his way into the middle of it. They'll kill him. You know they will. Alan, please. Coach: Jared, I'm warning you. I'm an empathetic vomiter. You throw up, I'm gonna throw up right back on you. And it will be profoundly disgusting. Jared: Please don't talk about throwing up. It's not good. Coach: I might throw up on you just to make a point, Jared. Jared: It's not good. It's not good. Coach: Now the rest of you, don't think we're gonna miss this meet because of a slight traffic jam, a minor tornado warning, Jared. We're gonna make this thing. Nothing is gonna stop us! Stilinski, put your hand down. Stiles: You know, there's, like, a food exit about a half a mile up. I don't know if we stop and then maybe... Coach: We're not gonna stop. Stiles: Okay, but if we stop... Coach: Stilinski! Shut it! Seriously! It's a little bus! Stop asking me questions! Stiles: I hate him. Did you call Deaton? Scott: I keep getting his voice mail. Stiles: That's it. I'm calling Lydia and Allison. Scott: How are they gonna help, back in Beacon Hills? Stiles: They're not. They've been following us for hours. Scott: Pathetic. Lydia: Hey, Stiles. Yeah, we're just about to walk into a movie, uh, you know, the popcorn and... Stiles: I know you guys are right behind us. Put me on speaker. Lydia: Okay. Stiles: Okay, look, Scott's still hurt. Allison: What do you mean still? He's not healing? Stiles: No, he's not healing. I think he's actually getting worse. The blood's turning, like, a black color. Lydia: W... What's wrong with him? What's wrong with him? I don't... do I have a PhD in lycanthropy? How am I supposed to know that? Allison: We need to get him off the bus. Lydia: And take him where, a hospital? Allison: If he's dying, yeah. Stiles, there's a rest area about a mile up. Tell the coach to pull over. Stiles: Yeah, I've been trying. Allison: Well, reason with him. Stiles: Reason? Have you met this guy? Allison: Just try something. Stiles: Coach, it's five minutes for a bathroom break, okay? We've been on this thing for, like, three hours... It's 60 miles to the next rest stop... Being cooped up for hours is not good... You know, our bladders aren't exactly... Coach, this is... Can you... Please... Let me talk! I'm... Every time... Coach: Get back to your seat, Stilinski! Stiles: Okay! Coach: Jared, keep your eyes on the horizon. Stiles: Hey, Jared. How you doing? Coach: Jared, you suck! Hey, somebody grab some towels or a mop or a new bus. Stiles: Oh, my God. Allison: Why didn't you tell us? Scott: Sorry. Allison: Okay. Just give us a second, okay? This shouldn't be happening. I've seen him heal from worse than this. Stiles: Okay, what do we do then? Do we just call an ambulance? Allison: What if it's too late? What if they can't help? Stiles: We gotta do something. Lydia: You know, it could be psychological. Stiles: What do you mean, like, psychosomatic? Lydia: Somatoformic. Stiles: Som... Lydia: A physical illness from a psychogenic cause. Yes, it's all in his head. Stiles: All in his head? Because of Derek. He's not letting himself heal 'cause Derek died. Allison: So what do we do? Lydia: Stitch him up. I'm serious. Maybe all he needs to do is just believe it's healing. Deaton: Someone please turn the sign on the front door to "closed." This could take a while. Allison: He's gonna need another shirt. Where's his bag? Stiles: Um, I'm gonna get it. I hate needles anyway, so... uh, do you know what you're doing? Allison: Yeah, my father taught me. Stiles: I mean, how fast are you gonna... I mean, the bus, like, the bus could leave. Well, you just make sure it doesn't leave. Lydia: I can help. Allison: Come on. Okay. Okay, stay with me. Stay with me, okay? Stay with me. Scott: I'm tired. Allison: Scott, just look at me, okay? Just keep looking at me. Come on. Come on. Come on. Ms Argent: Unbelievable. One simple little task? You can't thread a needle? Allison: I'm trying. Ms Argent: Well, you want my sympathy? Because you're just a 17-year-old little girl and this is all too much for you to handle. Well, get over it. Thread the needle. Allison: My hands won't stop shaking. Ms Argent: Breathe. Allison, breathe. Try it again. Allison: Aah! Ms Argent: Okay. How do we approach a situation like this? Allison! Allison: Clinically. Ms Argent: And? Allison: And unemotional... and unemotionally. Ms Argent: Then stop crying, and do it. Allison: Stay with me, stay with me. Coach: Let's go. Back on the bus! Allison: Okay. Scott. Scott? Scott? Scott? Scott. Scott? Scott! Scott: It's my fault. Allison: Scott, look at me. It's okay. Scott: Did you do that? Allison: Yeah. Scott: Nice. Stiles: Can you stand? Okay. Put this on. Scott: Whoa. Isaac: Where are you going? Scott: Uh, I was gonna go get some food to eat. Isaac: Oh, cool. I'll come with you. Scott: Nah, dude, it's okay. I can eat alone. Isaac: What are you getting? Scott: Uh, Mexican. Isaac: Dude, I love Mexican... Scott: Isaac. I can eat alone, it's okay. Isaac: You're not going alone. Come on. Scott: We're just gonna talk to him, try to reason with him. That's it, all right? What? Isaac: Nothing. It's just that, uh, I'm actually kind of hungry now. Scott: So am I. Lydia: Is he okay? Are you okay? Scott: Yeah. Stiles. Where's Stiles? Lydia: Trying to stall coach. We still don't have gas. Allison: I'm not leaving him. Lydia: Then we have to leave the car. Allison: Sounds good. Lydia: What? That wasn't an actual suggestion. Allison, wait. Ah. Screw it. Deucalion: You didn't come alone. Scott: Yeah. This is Isaac. Deucalion: I'm not talking about Isaac. Scott: You knew I would do this? Derek, don't. You can't do this so no one gets hurt. If someone else dies... Derek: Him. Just him. Deucalion: Just me? Now, how's a blind man find his way into a place like this all on his own? Scott: Stiles, what's happening? Stiles: They went after him. I told 'em what was happening with you and they just went after him. Scott: Who, Boyd? Coach: Isaac, Isaac, Isaac! Back off! Stop. Scott: Isaac! Cora: An animal clinic? Peter: It's not as ordinary as it looks. The building's half made out of Mountain ash. I'm not actually sure how to get in. Cora: Well, maybe we could do what normal people do and knock on the door. Peter: They're here. Cora: Who? Peter: All of them. Deucalion: How's our patient? Deaton: Out cold. Deucalion: And the prognosis? Deaton: Surprisingly optimistic. He's gonna make it. Deucalion: Hm. I think you might've overestimated his odds. Cora: But how do we know who's in there? Is it Derek or Ennis or both? Peter: Well, we know one thing... that wasn't for Derek. Aah! Aah! Uhh! Deucalion: Kill him. The others can go. You're beaten. Do it, Derek. Take the first step. Kali: Are we serious with this kid? Look at him. He's an Alpha? To what? A couple of useless teenagers? Deucalion: Some have more promise than others. Kali: Let him rise to the occasion then. What'll it be, Derek? Pack or family? Deucalion: Aah! Aah! Your eyes... cover your eyes! Allison: Someone needs to help them. Chris: Not us. I'm getting the consulting business back up and running, and you need to graduate. That's a normal life. And it's what we agreed to. Allison: So we just ignore it? Chris: We stay out of it. Allison: There's a pack of alphas trying to kill my friends. How do I stay out of that? Chris: There's a saying for these kinds of situations, the kind you have to navigate carefully. It's called, "threading the needle." It's finding a safe path between two opposing forces. Allison: Sounds like saving your own ass. Chris: They're not your family. Allison: With all the family that I've lost, I could use a few friends. Chris: Allison. Hyah! Ah! Stiles: All right. Let's go over this one more time. So it's the sacrifices, right? Everything has to do with them and someone who thinks he's, like, a dark druid of some kind. Lydia: Or actually is a dark druid. Stiles: A Darach. Lydia: You know... Some ancient cultures sacrificed people in preparation for battle. Stiles: So we got Alpha werewolves against a dark druid. Lydia: Yeah. Allison: You know, if he's really dead, it's not your fault. Scott: Maybe. But remember that whole thing that we talked about where I wasn't accusing you of being there, and if you were there you shouldn't be? Thanks for not listening. Allison: Heh. Scott: What? Allison: I was just looking at your eyes. Deaton: I don't think you really know what you've gotten yourself into here. Ms Morrell: It's a little late to be playing big brother, don't you think?	Plan: A: The Beacon Hills cross-country team; Q: Who is on a bus heading to a cross-country meet? A: Allison; Q: Who stitches up Scott's wound? A: an eye; Q: What do Allison and Lydia keep on Scott? A: Scott; Q: Who is suffering from a wound that is not healing? A: the Alphas; Q: Who did Scott strike the night before? A: Derek; Q: Who is supposed to be dead? A: a wounded Ennis; Q: Who does the Alphas force Deaton to treat? A: Deucalion; Q: Who kills Ennis to absorb his power? A: Jennifer; Q: Who is startled when a wounded Derek appears and passes out? Summary: The Beacon Hills cross-country team is on a bus heading to a cross-country meet; Allison and Lydia are not far behind, to keep an eye on Scott. Scott is suffering from a wound that is not healing - the result of a pre-emptive strike on the Alphas the night before. As far as everyone can tell, Derek is dead; Scott feels responsible. The Alphas force Deaton to treat a wounded Ennis. In private, however, Deucalion kills Ennis to absorb his power. Allison stitches up Scott's wound, allowing him to finally heal. Back in Beacon Hills, Jennifer is startled when a wounded Derek appears and passes out.
Opening scene - We see Sandy pull up outside the Cohen house, he stops the car looks at the front door and then looks at his watch. In the kitchen we see Ryan sitting at the kitchen table, studying intensely. He looks up slightly when Seth walks in. Seth makes a screeching noise at the back door, then turns to look at Ryan Seth: you�re up early Ryan: i'm studying for this test Seth: ah yeah I know it�s great, I was actually on my way out jus ta talk Ryan: studying Seth: (ignoring) yeah it�s fine we can talk here, I jus think the issue feels a little more pool house'y Ryan: is this about Alex Seth: uh no, no she�s merely kitchen table fodder at this point she�s no longer up ta pool house snuff Ryan: so it�s Summer an Zach Seth: yes, which I realise is...more of an evening subject best served over a game of playstation Ryan: (thinks) ill allow it Seth: great, thanks alot (sits at the table) so the three of us are moving forward with this comic book Ryan: right so Seth: so Summer an I are getting involved professionally Ryan, now you know how these things go, late nights at the office- Ryan: you don�t have an office Seth: sure, but with the added stress of work an deadlines you know things can-can get uh-uh sexy (raises eyebrows) Ryan: (looks at Seth) your writing a comic book, not sexy Seth: so you think I�m reaching Ryan: I think your movin on with Alex, you moved on with Summer an for the first time in your life your not facing any women issues (leans on his book) Seth: so then you�re saying I�m jus complaining that I have nothin'a complain about Ryan: (looks at Seth) this is what I�m saying (sighs) Seth: ok great (stands) then I will await the next great romance to wreak havoc on my heart an mind (leaves the kitchen) Ryan: I can hardly wait (Seth goes up the stairs and as he does Sandy sneaks in the front door, Seth stops when he hears the door open. Sandy shuts the door just as Seth walks down a few stairs. Sandy looks around trying to see if anyone is around, he sees Seth and Seth mouths "hi" with a big grin) Sandy: (shocked) (whispers) well your up early Seth: are you sneakin in...after curfew Sandy: busted...am I grounded Seth: perhaps if I let you off...you'll remember this act of kindness, an afford me the same leniency should I miss my own curfew (raises eyebrows) Sandy: keep dreamin Seth: it was worth a shot CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - in the background we can hear water running, and we see Sandy sneaking in the door. he rushes into the room and puts his shoes down next to the bed, he takes his jacket off just as Kirsten walks out of the bathroom Kirsten: your home, I was worried about you Sandy: uh I�m ok (Kirsten puts her hands on his shoulders) you know jus beat Kirsten: mm, how did...Professor Bloom take the news about Rebecca Sandy: oh, how d'you think he took it Kirsten: I can only imagine (Sandy puts his watch on the bedside table) his only daughter an now she�s gone an he didn�t even get ta see her (Sandy unbuttons his shirt, his phone rings and he takes it out of his jacket pocket and puts up 1 finger to Kirsten before answering it) Sandy: hello (we see Rebecca talking to Sandy from a pay phone by the water) Rebecca: hey Sandy, Rebecca Sandy: yeah Rebecca: listen I�m at the pier, d'you want me ta grab you some coffee Sandy: no, no, nine o'clock is fine ill see you then (Kirsten holds Sandy from behind) Rebecca: ok (hangs up) Sandy: it�s gonna be a little hectic for a while Kirsten: well...well you should try an get some sleep, you look exhausted (kisses Sandy�s cheek) (Kirsten leaves the room and Sandy looks guilty) Opening theme - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Ryan is still studying at the table, and Kirsten comes in Kirsten: your up an about early Ryan: (not looking up) test, not ready Kirsten: don�t miss those days Ryan: uh thanks Kirsten: how�s school, life Ryan: yeah pretty good, usual Kirsten: you an Lindsay Ryan: ah we're good...y'know good (Kirsten walks over to the table with 2 coffees) Kirsten: there was definite hesitation Ryan: uh, jus studying Kirsten: Ryan (sits) whatever you did, it can be undone, candies, flowers, work miracles Ryan: actually its not something I did although thanks for your confidence, its uh...it�s your dad Kirsten: ah, the one man impervious ta miracles, what happened Ryan: well Lindsay reached out to him, or I did for her um there was a meal...(frowns) or there was supposed to be a meal um...we went to a restaurant Kirsten: poor girl, what'did he say Ryan: he didn�t actually take out his cheque book but he might as well have Kirsten: he thought she wanted money, well he must'a got her confused with my other sister (smirks) or his wife Ryan: look I�m not the biggest fan'a your dad no offence, but I mean Luke Skywalker was happy ta have a dad even if he was Darth Vader Kirsten: (thinks) (nods) your right she needs a dad, ill handle this...there�s gonna be another meal, here, an actual food will be eaten, an ill make sure that he behaves himself (Ryan looks at Kirsten, worried) CUT TO: Alex's apartment - we are looking in the front door from outside. Marissa is in a shirt and her underwear clearing empty beer bottles into a trash bag, Alex comes out similarly dressed except her top is a singlet/tank Alex: oh my god did we really drink that much last night Marissa: uh we drank that much here Alex: (yawns, sits on the couch) who knew you Harbor chicks could throw down Marissa: yeah well, I�m not like the other girls (looks at Alex) Alex: well then I guess it�s about time I show you the meth lab in the basement Marissa: I thought you'd never ask (smiles) (Alex laughs, Marissa laughs and they look at each other) Alex: sooo I guess you have'ta go to school (stands) (Marissa looks uncomfortable) say Hi ta Seth for me I kinda miss his little chicken arms, what�s he ben up to he hasn�t bugged me for a while Marissa: um I don�t know, but I was kinda thinking of skipping school today, I mean how much is there ta learn about the Aztecs anyway Alex: nothing really (shrugs) Marissa: that�s exactly what I was thinking, so what'do you wanna do (looks at Alex) Alex: well you ready for that surf lesson (unsure) Marissa: yes, awesome (Alex smiles) um let me jus jump in the shower if that�s ok (Alex nods) (Marissa walks up the hallway towards the shower, and takes off her top as she goes. we see her from behind, you can just see her tattoo. she holds the shirt over her naked chest and turns back) Marissa: oh wait, d'you have another shirt I can borrow (Alex stares at Marissa) cause this one kinda smells like cigarettes (Alex still stunned, nods. Marissa smiles and walks away. Alex looks away, shocked) CUT TO: The pier - Rebecca and Sandy are walking together Rebecca: so who would'a thought Sandy Cohen would be living in Newport Beach, surrounded by all these surfers Sandy: its ben twenty two years Rebecca: you say that like it�s a long time Sandy: yeah Rebecca: so you have two kids huh Sandy: yeah Rebecca: who'd ya end up marrying, wait let me guess...left wing radical from long island, reformed (Sandy smiles) Sandy: yep that�s it...not even close...rich, conservative, Presbyterian and she grew up right uh, well here basically, blonde blue eyes, cute little nose...like a button Rebecca: (smiles) your full'a suprises...how'd she take the news about my return Sandy: I haven�t told her yet (Rebecca nods) I don�t want her ta be considered an accomplice, what with my-my harboring a fugitive Rebecca: yeah, that I am Sandy: so what about you Rebecca: hm (they stop walking and stand next to the ocean) Sandy: are you married, you got those five kids you always wanted ta have Rebecca: not even close, I haven�t met anybody since you (Sandy looks down) its kinda hard ta meet people when you cant let anybody know...who you really are an� cant stay in one place too long Sandy: I can see how that might salt your game Rebecca: salt my game...is that how they talk in Orange County Sandy: (laughs) stick around you'll be sayin rad in no time Rebecca: yeah except I�m not staying, I figured id um...hang out in my uh lovely accommodations at the flea bag in for...another forty eight hours, spend this time with my dad...then disappear Sandy: you�re leavin Rebecca: how can I stay...you said yourself I�m a fugitive...the feds are lookin for me I don�t wanna get you in any trouble Sandy: ...does your dad know your leaving so soon Rebecca: I was hoping you'd help me out with that (Sandy looks at Rebecca) CUT TO: Harbor school - Lindsay is at her locker and Ryan walks over to her Ryan: hey there, mwaaa (kisses Lindsay�s cheek) (Lindsay smiles/laughs) so what'do you want for dinner Lindsay: (smiles) why are you inviting me over Ryan: uhhhhh Kirsten is Lindsay: great (shuts her locker) so who's it gonna be with Ryan: ah you know me, you, Kirsten (coughs) Caleb Lindsay: huh Ryan: (coughs again) Caleb (Lindsay pulls his hand down) (softly) Caleb Lindsay: why, one horrible dining experience wasn�t enough Ryan: well Kirsten jus feels bad about what happened at our dinner Lindsay: (looks away) you told her Ryan: she wants ta help Lindsay: well I don�t want her help, I don�t want your help an ugh, I definitely don�t wanna dine with Caleb Nichol (walks away) Ryan: alright, look (sighs) Luke Skywalker was happy ta find his dad right, even if he turned out ta be Darth Vader Lindsay: Ryan (closes her eyes) Luke Skywalker an Darth Vader fought each other with light sabers until one of them died, Vader cut off Skywalker's hand Ryan: when you put it that way Lindsay: look jus don�t worry about my family...or our family (frustrated) whatever they are just let it be, ok (walks away) Ryan: alright (Ryan watches Lindsay walk away, then the door that she walked through shuts) CUT TO: Caleb�s office - Kirsten walks in, and Caleb is sitting at his desk Caleb: (stands) Kirsten, what a pleasure to see you in my office (kisses Kirsten�s cheek) y'know that yoga-laties or cardio bar whatever it is you ben up to is working wonders on your figure (Kirsten looks at him) an that top it-its...so fetching Kirsten: fetching (Caleb nods) are you done Caleb: done what, done complimenting my beautiful daughter...on how beautiful she is Kirsten: dad, I need you to do me a favour (raises eyebrows) I need you ta have dinner with me Lindsay an Ryan an I need you to not be the worlds biggest ass Caleb: what're you talking about Kirsten: you accused her of wanting money, not that you've ever viewed that as a personality flaw before Caleb: well she-she turned up with that inland street thug Kirsten: (not impressed) dad, listen up (walks over to Caleb) Ryan the assumed street thug has ben living with us for a year an a half now, he is a brother ta Seth an a son ta me an Sandy Caleb: I still question his motives, I-I'm just protective of my family Kirsten: this girl...wants ta know her father she wants ta get ta know you, now tonight (fixes Caleb�s tie) you are gonna show up for dinner, an you are gonna be a real dad ta this girl or your gonna lose two daughters, got it (Caleb nods) CUT TO: Sandy�s office - Rebecca, Max & Sandy are in there Rebecca: dad I can�t stay, I�m already endangering you an Sandy Max: (upset) oh I see so I-I�m...I�m gonna lose you all over again then Sandy: we don�t really have a choice here (sits) Max: of course we do, the choice we've always had Sandy Rebecca: look I�m not turning myself in, you know how long it would be before I even got ta court, we've had no time together Max: all I want is ta-ta see you clear your name ta-ta ta ta get your life back Sandy: it�s gonna be very hard ta do considering what happened Max: except it didn�t happen Sandy (looks at Rebecca) tell him Rebecca (Rebecca looks at him) Sandy: (looks at Rebecca) tell me what Rebecca: ok um...that night I never showed, I got scared Zucowsky had to uh (looks down) go it alone (sighs) (Max sighs) Sandy: (shocked) I knew it, why'd ya run Rebecca: I panicked, I knew if I got caught id have'ta testify against my friends Max: Sandy you could defend her, you-you could clear her name Rebecca: (to Max) we can�t ask him ta put himself at risk like that, he has a family now Max: wait-wait-wait, before you left we were his family (Sandy looks at him) Sandy please I am begging you, give my daughter her life back (Sandy looks at Max, then Rebecca. Rebecca looks at Sandy) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth is sketching by himself in the student lounge. Summer walks over to the couch Summer: hey Seth: hey Summer: is that Marissa Seth: yeah, or as I like ta call her Cosmo Girl (Summer sits next to him) with a passion for fashion...an a magic flask Summer: hm alcoholism as a super power, well that is an interesting take (smiles) you mus think Marissa is super hot, your not gonna like draw me all short an stumpy are you, ta like punish me for not liking you anymore (raises eyebrows) Seth: this is...kinda my concern, you an me in the artistic process Summer: what about it Seth: well you an I have a history an I�m a little concerned...that it�s gonna compromise my vision Summer: (frowns) are you writing me out! (Seth makes an I don�t know motion) (puts up her fist) oh I will compromise your vision do not forget about my rage blackouts Seth: I have not, infact its part'a your super powers Summer: (happy) really Seth: yeah, it�s very Hulk like Summer: (frowns) but I�m not gonna like turn green am I (Seth doesn�t say anything) oh this is your way ta make me rip off all my clothes (raises eyebrows) Seth: that right there, our history its affecting the work Summer: are you forgetting about our third partner, Zach super hero nickname, the boyfriend has the power ta make me forget you (cheesy grin) Seth: I�m jus saying, high stress late nights close quarters I hope it doesn�t but I don�t know (shrugs) it could get weird Summer: (frowns) you think Seth: well (Zach rushes over to them, excited) Zach: hey guys, I got great news Seth: hey Zach: my dad has an intern whose uncle works (sits between Seth & Summer) at wild storm Seth: really Summer: (lost) what�s wild storm Zach: unbelievable comic book company (to Seth) I pitched them the shape of the idea Seth: well Zach we don�t really have an idea yet- Zach: they loved the world of Orange County man, they think it could be really hot right now, they said if they like the art work, they might wanna set up a meeting Seth: (smiles) alright Zach: so get ready man, late nights high stress (Seth looks at him) close quarters oh an Cohen, you gotta nail Summer Seth: what (looks away) Summer: excuse me Zach: pitch them her character, Little Miss Vixen with her designer hand bags full'a killer credit cards they loved her Summer: (happy) they did Zach: (nods) yeah Summer: they loved me Zach: ok but we gotta lock down her likeness (Seth looks unsure) you gotta start drawin her right away Seth: (reluctant) ah oh ok Zach: like tonight (Seth nods) Summer: so...ill be posing for Cohen, tonight (Seth looks worried, Zach is oblivious) (frowns) its fine Zach: so this is gonna be great (smiles) Summer: (frowns) great Seth: (unsure) so great (Zach has a huge smile on his face, Summer looks worried and Seth forces a big smile for Zach) CUT TO: Cohen house at night - we see the formal dining room from outside, Kirsten comes in from the left dressed up for her dinner, and Sandy comes in from the right Sandy: hey Kirsten: hey (puts candles on the table) Sandy: (confused) we're not havin a party are we I mean one never knows (laughs) (kisses Kirsten�s cheek) Kirsten: no its jus dinner, with my dad Sandy: oh Kirsten: don�t worry, your not invited Sandy: oh, oh good I should probably get back ta the office anyway Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) oh, ok, are you working with Max Sandy: yeah (nods) Kirsten: what�s there left ta do Sandy: everything (walks closer to Kirsten) what if I told you he wants me ta clear Rebecca�s name (Kirsten looks at him) prove she was innocent Kirsten: I would think that would be wonderful Sandy: you would Kirsten: the mans daughter died, an if you can�t bring his daughter back...at least you can clear her name Sandy: I knew you'd understand (smiles) CUT TO: The kitchen - Ryan is in there, not dressed for the dinner and Kirsten walks in Kirsten: well why aren�t you dressed is Lindsay here Ryan: Lindsay isn�t coming Kirsten: (frowns) why Ryan: (frowns) cause Caleb�s coming Kirsten: well I know that was the idea, go an get her Ryan: I've gotten in the middle enough Kirsten: well didn�t you use that Luke Skywalker Darth Vader thing Ryan: she poked a serious hole in that analogy Kirsten: look my father is on his way over here an if Lindsay doesn�t show up we're gonna be having dinner with him, alone Ryan: that�s a good point...I jus don�t think there�s anything I can say Kirsten: ...maybe your right (hands Ryan cutlery) forks on the left soup spoons on the right (leaves) (Ryan taps the to piles together) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Marissa is looking at pictures on the wall of Alex's office and Alex is working, it�s very quiet Marissa: what�s this Alex: (looks up) oh its something Seth drew, its a demon water polo player I guess...he left it here (sighs) maybe in ten years ill sell it on eBay or something (walks out) Marissa: (follows) so what�s the deal with you guys Alex: we never really left the ground you know we taxied down the runway but never achieved lift off Marissa: (relates) yeah I jus got outta one'a those Alex: yeah well there good for getting over someone I guess Marissa: or getting you ready for someone (Alex reacts to what Marissa said but doesn�t turn around to face her) Marissa: hey can I crash at your place again...anything to avoid hanging out with my step-dad Alex: (turns around) works for me, but (serious) can I ask you a question Marissa: (looks at Alex) sure (shrugs) Alex: what're you doing with me Marissa: (unsure) picking up a pint of cherry garcia an renting some DVDs Alex: (not looking at Marissa) I mean...sleeping over (looks) hanging out all the time borrowing my clothes...things that never happened with Seth an I was dating him Marissa: well Seth�s not really your size Alex: no but he was however briefly (softer) my boyfriend Marissa: (uncomfortable) maybe your right, I should probably sleep at home anyway (Alex is thrown) I�m out of fresh clothes as it is Alex: (nods) ok (Marissa is at the bottom of the stairs) Marissa: oh an ill wash this shirt, get it back to you Alex: no, don�t worry about it (looks down) (Marissa looks down and quickly goes up the stairs, Alex watches then walks away. Marissa stops at the top and looks back at Alex, you can tell she is confused and completely torn) CUT TO: Lindsay�s room - Lindsay is practicing her obo. there is a knock at the door Lindsay: I�m almost done practicing mom Kirsten: (opens the door) not your mom (smiles) your sister Lindsay: (smiles) hi Kirsten: I didn�t know you played the obo Lindsay: oh not well I jus...started practicing again Kirsten: well it sounds great, what was that Lindsay: uh it was Brahms, ? castral piece Kirsten: you know who likes Brahms Lindsay: yeeeaaah iii'mm not going...ta dinner even if Caleb is a huge fan of the obo (laughs) Kirsten: look no one has ben more thoroughly crushed by our dad then me Lindsay: hey now, there�s a club I wanna join Kirsten: he�s got allotta issues, he�s not the easiest guy in the world ta get along with...but once you figure him out he's-he's really a good guy Lindsay: (looks at Kirsten) really Kirsten: (laughs) I don�t know, I�ve never ben able ta figure him out (shakes her head) (Lindsay smiles) but maybe we can try...together (Lindsay looks at Kirsten, still unsure) CUT TO: Sandy�s office - Rebecca and Sandy are looking at a room for a place for Rebecca to stay Sandy: well its not much (turns on the light) but the couch is pretty comfy Rebecca: mm-hmm Sandy: an we got air-condition- well we don�t have air-conditioning but we-we have windows (points) Rebecca: carpeting, very lush Sandy: it�s private an the price you cant beat it Rebecca: its great Sandy its perfect I mean it'll be fine for the next forty eight hours Sandy: oh it might take me a little longer then that ta figure out how'ta take on your case (laughs) Rebecca: ...you are (smiles) you will (Sandy doesn�t say anything) oh (hugs Sandy) thankyou (their hug lasts a while and is more then just a friendly hug) Rebecca: (pulls away) I mean um...thanks, I know I said I didn�t want your help but (sighs) I kinda did Sandy: I kinda knew that Rebecca: hm so um...have you told your wife yet Sandy: no (shakes his head) Rebecca: Sandy Sandy: she can�t know anything yet, not until we get this sorted out (Rebecca nods) uh I don�t like it but...it�s the best thing for her Rebecca: (nods) ok that�s your decision (Sandy nods) my dads gonna be thrilled (smiles) we should celebrate Sandy: yeah ill go rent out Chuckee-cheese Rebecca: (laughs) I know we can�t go out but we could order in Mexican, grab a bottle of tequila...still like pachung? Sandy: yeah Rebecca: (smiles) yeah, smoke a little weed Sandy: (laughs) cool, yeah while I�m harboring a fugitive ill go score some pot off the street Rebecca: ah (holds out some) (Sandy laughs) never leave home without it (Sandy shakes his head) happen ta have a bong handy Sandy: not these days (raises eyebrows) no, no my son Seth is...he�s quite the detective Rebecca: hm, if my memory serves Sandy Cohen could turn just about anything into a pipe, soda can, apple Sandy: do we get ta listen to the Altman brothers to Rebecca: depends if you've got an apple Sandy: ...lets just stick ta the tequila (Rebecca nods) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Summer opens the door in a pink robe and Seth is standing there with his sketch book Seth: helllooo Summer: hm come in (motions to the bed) Seth: alright (shuts the door) hey nice ta see you dressed up for the occasion Summer: (stands in front of Seth) ah yes uh-hm (Seth sits on the bed) ready Seth: (opens the pad) hang on just a second...alright (Summer opens her robe and lets it fall to the floor. we see this from her feet up, and the camera gradually moves up to show the rest of her. she has black sexy knee high boots, red fishnet stockings, short tight black skirt, the upper part is black with a middle bit of pinky sequin things, and a chocker made out of the same stuff with silver spikes. and she has small bands around each wrist. she looks awesome!) Seth: (sees) oh my god (puts the book to his mouth) Summer: (annoyed) what! (folds her arms) it�s my costume I told you I had wardrobe approval...look if it was up to you id be wearing shredded purple jeans an pasties Seth: no this is better, this is much better (smiles) Summer: ok come on lets be professional, less drooling more drawing (Seth looks back at his book) (frowns) an don�t give me any junk in the trunk either Seth: its jus the gifts god gave you (Summer stands there fidgeting. Seth looks at her, then draws a little. Summer doesn�t know where to look. Seth looks up and then draws some more) Seth: you think you could maybe turn like forty degrees (Summer shifts a little) but keep your face tilted towards the light (Summer tries to do it) an then hold your arms akimbo Summer: (confused) a what'bo (Seth puts one finger up then goes over to her. he places her hands on her hips) Seth: ok jus like this...ok now chest out a little bit (Summer half smiles then Seth crouches down near her legs, he points one knee out a little. Summer looks down at Seth, Seth looks up at Summer) Seth: an kinda this way (moves her a little) Summer: mm-hmm Seth: an kinda (moves her chin) (softly) turn your face up this way a liitle bit (looks) wait (puts a finger up) shh shh Summer: what (Seth gently pushes one side of her hair behind her ear. it�s an intense moment) Summer: ok, are your greasy paws done manhandling me (raises eyebrows) Seth: yeah, you look good (Summer sees the sketch Seth had been doing sitting on the bed) Summer: did you jus draw that! like now (goes over to look at it) Seth: yeah but...(frustrated) you jus stepped outta the light! (Summer is kneeling next to the bed looking at the starting of her sketch. it�s just her head. she turns the page over so it�s a blank sheet) Summer: ok, you know I wish I could draw (scribbles with the pencil) (frowns) but every time I try ta draw a person its jus one big head with legs coming out of its chin Seth: yeah (kneels next to Summer) look how you�re holding the pencil your choking it Summer: no I am not this pencil can breathe on its own Seth: no it won�t a guy with no neck cant? loosen up a little bit (helps Summer loosen her grip) Summer: alright, alright Seth: (holds Summer's wrist to guide her) jus...take it nice an easy Summer: (softly) yeah (their heads gradually get closer together while Seth helps Summer draw. right now their foreheads are almost touching) Seth: yeah...Picasso said, first you have to be able to draw a straight line (smiles) Summer: right (Summer and Seth turn toward each other. they are almost kissing distance now. Seth quickly lets go of Summer's wrist. Summer puts the pencil down. they are both staring intensely into each others eyes. Summer smiles and closes her eyes) Seth: I think I�ve got all the angles I need (nods) I can do the rest from memory Summer: (whispers) yeah good cause uh...my costumes starting ta ride me Seth: excellent...ill come back for Princess Sparkle later Summer: (nods) (softly) ok Seth: (nods) ok (Seth picks up his things and leaves the room. Summer looks almost disappointed. Seth walks out the door and closes it behind him, he leans against it and sighs before walking away) CUT TO: Cohen dining room - Caleb is sitting at the head of the table, Kirsten at the other. Ryan and Lindsay are sitting opposite each other Caleb: this is the best meal you ever cooked Kiki Kirsten: oh, its fondue dad, cheese pot not so difficult (Ryan eats and then looks over at Lindsay, Lindsay eats and looks down. Caleb eats and Kirsten looks worried about how the evening is going) Kirsten: (to Caleb) did you know that Lindsay plays the obo (Caleb looks at Lindsay) Lindsay: not well (nervous smile) Caleb: (smiles) do you now, do you play any Brahms Lindsay: I try (smiles) (Caleb nods, Kirsten smiles at Lindsay) Kirsten: (to Lindsay) did you know that dad has box seats at the Hollywood bowl, have you ever ben Lindsay: uh no I heard its amazing Caleb: tickets are yours Lindsay: great, Ryan what'do you think (Caleb looks at Ryan, not impressed) a little essapeca? a little yoyo ma (Ryan smiles) Caleb: I don�t think Ryan 'd be interested (Ryan looks at Caleb. Kirsten looks at Caleb) Kirsten: dad Caleb: what I�m jus saying, a boy like Ryan would probably get bored with a show like that Lindsay: (looks at Caleb) right cause they don�t have music in Chino Ryan: its fine, jus let him insult me Caleb: (to Ryan) I didn�t mean to insult you I jus had no idea that you were a classical music fan (Ryan has his eyes closed, Lindsay looks uncomfortable) Caleb: what�s your favourite Brahms concertio (eats) Kirsten: (closes her eyes) Ryan I�m so sorry Ryan: no its fine you know what, I�m jus gonna go, this was spose'ta be about Lindsay an Caleb makin up for lost time (stands up) Caleb: what're you insinuating Ryan: jus you guys have alot ta catch up on, id hate to see you waste all your time insulting me Lindsay: Ryan...stay Caleb: yes Ryan stay, as long as you like (Ryan looks at Caleb) living in this house, eating our food, dating our children, butting into our affairs Kirsten: (to Caleb) (glares) you are so outta line Caleb: what, I�ve forgiven him for burning down my model home, for teaching my grandson how ta steal cars (Ryan just stands there) an for starting a brawl at my man of the year party an everyone seems to have forgotten that he impregnated a girl (Lindsay looks down) Ryan: (can�t stay quiet) something you might know a thing or two about except I didn�t pay her off ta stay quiet Caleb: what did you say ta me Ryan: (hands on his hips) I�m jus tellin you the truth (walks closer) an you can try an hide from Lindsay, make this all about me Caleb: I�ve had just about enough outta you Ryan: (walks closer) that�s too bad cause I�m jus gettin started (Caleb stands up) Kirsten: Ryan (Ryan and Caleb are now standing opposite each other like they are going to physically fight) Caleb: let me tell you something if you've come here for a fight Kirsten: dad Lindsay: Ryan, don�t (Caleb makes some groaning noises and grabs his chest. Lindsay and Ryan watch helplessly) Kirsten: (yells) dad! (goes to Caleb) (Caleb falls forward on the table and takes the table cloth with him to the floor, causing all the food and plates to land on him. we see Caleb�s head hit the floor hard, and he is clenching his teeth in pain) Kirsten: (leaning over Caleb) dad! dad! oh my god, call 9 1 1, dad! (Ryan stares helplessly) CUT TO: The hospital - Lindsay, Kirsten, Ryan and Seth are sitting on chairs in the corridor waiting for news, they all look like hell. Ryan is sitting forward with his head resting on his hand. Lindsay is sitting forward with her hands around her stomach Kirsten: that�s the last time I try cooking Seth: I�m starving uh-hm (stands up) there�s gotta be a vending machine ta raid around here Kirsten: id love some coffee Ryan: yeah let me get that (stands) Seth: hey Lindsay you wanna come (Kirsten looks at Lindsay) Lindsay: (shakes her head) ill stay here (Ryan looks at Lindsay, Kirsten looks from Lindsay to Ryan. Ryan follows Seth. Sandy walks in) Sandy: I�m here (Kirsten stands) I�m sorry (Kirsten kisses his cheek) not that I haven�t wished it on the man but how�s he doing Kirsten: haven�t heard yet, I was worried about you Sandy: oh I...I was workin late Kirsten: (frowns) have you ben drinking Dr: uh Kirsten Cohen Kirsten: (turns around) uh yes Dr: I�m Dr. Steven Lasser, I was with your father all night let me say, he�s going to be ok (smiles) Kirsten: (relieved) ooooh, thank god (turns to face Sandy) Dr: he did however suffer a mild heart attack an where gonna have ta run some tests an keep him here a day or two, but nothing to worry about (Kirsten smiles) Lindsay: (stands) um can we see him Dr: well visits are restricted ta family Lindsay: ...I�m his daugther (Kirsten smiles) Dr: then right this way (Lindsay follows the Dr then stops) Lindsay: are you coming Kirsten: uh in a second (Lindsay and the Dr walk off) Kirsten: I was thinking...you around my dad right now Sandy: oh probably not the best thing for his blood pressure huh Kirsten: (nods) probably not (smiles) Sandy: I understand, I got plenty'a work ta do at the office but ill stay if you want me to Kirsten: well no I have Lindsay Ryan an Seth (shrugs) Sandy: right (Kirsten kisses Sandy�s cheek then walks away, Sandy just stands there) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Marissa is lying on her stomach on the bed holding Princess Sparkle and Summer is sitting up, next to her working on Princess Sparkle�s cape Marissa: (suprised) oh my god you almost kissed him! Summer: shouldn�t you be at the hospital Marissa: eh whatever, its jus Caleb, Ryan said he'll be fine besides he�s like a (thinks) a (frowns) cockroach you know, he'll out live us all (Summer looks at Marissa) again you almost kissed Cohen! Summer: it was not an almost kiss, it was a nose graze, totally different Marissa: not totally (thinks) sometimes you can jus have like a moment (raises eyebrows) with someone...you know when your doing something totally random an...its jus like charged or something Summer: (frowns) who you ben nose grazin with Marissa: (looks at Summer) what, no one I jus mean (sighs) do you know what I mean Summer: yeah, like even if you�re dating a totally hot guy that really likes you, you can still get flustered by a bobble headed geek in size twenty seven jeans Marissa: yeah, what is that Summer: I don' know Marissa: an what're you suppose'ta do about it Summer: I think it depends on who the person is, if its Cohen well I think you need ta use all your weapons in your designer handbag ta defend yourself, if it�s a normal person you go for it Marissa: (thinks) well what if it�s someone whose nose you never thought you'd graze... (holds Princess Sparkle out) Summer: (puts cape on Princess Sparkle) do you mean like Princess Sparkle hm (rubs Princess Sparkle�s nose on hers, then on Marissa�s) Marissa: nice (laughs) Summer: you are young, you are single an you have a cute nose so why not put it out there (Summers gets off the bed and puts Princess Sparkle on the table. Marissa looks as though she is thinking) CUT TO: The hospital - Kirsten and Lindsay are in Caleb�s room. Caleb is lying down with his eyes closed and tubes coming out of him Kirsten: are you comfortable...do you need anything from home, slippers robe Caleb: (sits up) no, no, no I�m fine...thanks...actually I�ve never ben better Kirsten: (looks at Caleb) are you on morphine Caleb: (laughs) (serious) I owe you both a huge apology (Lindsay looks sad) it�s just a shame it took a coronary for me ta realise how terrible I�ve ben, an I�ve ben terrible Kirsten: dad it�s ok Caleb: it�s not ok, but now that I�ve got a second chance well...id like a second chance (takes Kirsten�s hand then holds his other hand out to Lindsay. Lindsay slowly walks forward and takes it) (sincerely) can we start over Lindsay: (teary) well if it makes you feel any better I didn�t even think I liked you (sniffs) till I thought I lost you Caleb: does that...mean you forgive me (Kirsten looks at Lindsay) Lindsay: (nods) ok (wipes tears away) yeah (Caleb smiles) (Ryan comes to the door with coffees and sees Lindsay holding Caleb�s hand, and Kirsten with her arm around Lindsay�s arm holding her close. Ryan keeps walking) CUT TO: Sandy�s office - Sandy, Rebecca and Max are there together Rebecca: am I going ta jail Sandy: not necessarily...but clearing your name is probably impossible, i-i-its not gonna be easy, with your permission id like to explore some kind of amnesty, a plea bargain ta keep you outta jail so you can be with your dad Rebecca: (puts her hand on Max�s shoulder) yeah, that�s what�s important here Max: w-what can we do Sandy: I�m gonna need a statement of fact of your story an then we can track down any witnesses who can corroborate the truth...but first, I gotta call my wife, excuse me (walks outside and sits on the step) hey baby its me, oh I was hopin you'd be there, I guess we'll catch up back at the ranch for dinner, call me if you need anything, I love you (hangs up) (Rebecca walks out and sits next to Sandy) Rebecca: maybe you should um be with your family, your wife given everything Sandy: oh it�s ok I-I don�t think she really wants me there...her father an I don�t exactly get along so well Rebecca: you sure Sandy: yeah yeah th-the sooner we get started Rebecca: the sooner I�m out of your life an you can have yours back Sandy: oh it�s not like that Rebecca: ...yeah it is (sighs) go home to your wife, we'll work on this in the morning (Sandy doesn�t say anything) CUT TO: The hospital - Ryan is sitting in the corridor and Kirsten walks over Ryan: hey, uh these are probably pretty cold by now (hands Kirsten coffee) Kirsten: oh thanks (sits) Ryan: yeah I was gonna go an give em to you guys but I didn�t wanna interrupt Kirsten: where�s Seth Ryan: he-he went home, you know ta shower do some work Kirsten: well why didn�t you go with him Ryan: I...jus figured id stay here, least I could do Kirsten: Ryan nobody blames you for this, really (Ryan doesn�t look convinced) CUT TO: Cohen front door - there is a door bell sound and then we see Seth answering the door, Alex is standing there Seth: (suprised) hey, what�s goin on Alex: (smiles) hey uh-hm I jus...came by ta give you this (holds out the demon water polo player drawing) might be worth alotta money some day (Seth and Alex look at each other. - they are now in the kitchen. Seth gets a drink for Alex from the fridge) Alex: nice house (takes drink) Seth: thanks...its good for weekends an...you know vacations (Alex laughs) so you seeing anyone, multiple people perhaps, female, life partner Alex: (smiles) Seth Seth: it�s a legitimate question Alex: (walks closer) don�t make me hurt you in your nice house Seth: well you know what you hurt me enough already so Alex: c'mon I didn�t hurt you (looks at Seth�s sketch pad) it was never that kind of thing Seth: well I remember you scratching my cornea really bad (Alex laughs) and uh bending my arm in ways it�s not suppose'ta bend Alex: you know what I mean, we were each others in between people you know, you helped me get over Jody and I helped you get over (looks at the Summer sketches) Summer Seth: mm-hmm Alex: (shuts the book) it�s kinda cool actually (Seth makes an 'it is? expression) we helped...get each other ready for what�s next Seth: well good luck with that (smiles) Alex: (smiles) good luck with Summer (Seth watches Alex leave) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is busy preparing dinner and Kirsten walks in Kirsten: (suprised) look at this! Sandy: (smiles) well I figured you could use a home cooked meal, its grilled salmon in a raspberry cooly reduction Kirsten: my favourite Sandy: I know Kirsten: my hero (kisses Sandy�s cheek) mmm, you shaved Sandy: well I clean up nice Kirsten: (laughs) so you ben working hard, it�s a good thing you got the new office how do you like it Sandy: well, it�s a little rough around the edges its jus my style Kirsten: well if your gonna be spending alotta time there your gonna need ta spruce it up Sandy: I like it un spruced Kirsten: well while you are whipping up a culinary miracle I�m gonna go ta the store and pick up some things for my dad (kisses Sandy�s cheek) I love you Sandy: I love you (Kirsten leaves the kitchen and Sandy looks like he feels guilty) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Seth goes to knock on her bedroom door and then stops himself, he walks out of the frame then walks back in and quickly knocks. Summer opens the door Summer: hey Seth: hey Summer: Cohen Seth: Summer (nods) Summer: you (motions for Seth to go in) at the same time: Seth: (walks passed) so I-I've ben Summer:� yeah I-I�ve ben thinking Seth: (laughs) sorry go, go Summer: no, no y-you go first (points) Seth: yes ok...ill go, um...I�m not happy with the uh (Summer looks at him) shadings, my sketches Summer: I�m glad ta hear that because I�ve uh made some modifications to my costume Seth: oh Summer: an-an an (holds up Princess Sparkle) Princess Sparkle now has a cape Seth: nice touch, fantastic Summer: yeah Seth: (avoiding eye contact) I always say every four legged side kick they need a cape Summer: yes! Seth: I always say that Summer: yeah (nods) good...so d'you need ta draw me again Seth: noooo (shakes his head) that�s not necessary, that is not necessary I�ve got your image...its jus seared in my memory Summer: (frowns) good...I-I think, yeah I look forward ta seeing what you come up with Seth: (closes his eyes) here�s the thing, I jus think that the best way for us (Summer listens) ta maintain a professional relationship- Summer: is ta spend as little time together as possible (raises eyebrows) Seth: yes exactly (points) Summer: good Seth: it�s perfect (Summer smiles) (Zach comes in) Zach: who�s ready for a road trip Summer: (turns around) what Zach: I jus talked ta the guy at wild storm he loved your drawings, I set up a meeting, we're goin ta San Diego (excited) just the three of us (Seth and Summer look at each other then at Zach) at the same time: Seth: that�s great (forces a smile) Summer: greeeattt (forces a smile) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Rachel Yarmagata is performing a song, she�s playing the piano and singing. we see some of that and then we see Alex sadly watching a couple kiss. Alex walks out from behind the bar and passed the stairs. the camera shows Marissa standing at the top of the stairs looking out into the crowd. we see more of Rachel singing. Alex stands at the edge of the crowd then slowly makes her way to the middle and listens/watches. we see Alex on the side, and we can also see in the background Marissa coming down the stairs. Marissa stops at the bottom and looks around, she sees Alex and slowly and almost reluctantly walks towards her. {she looks shy, and unsure of herself here. Mischa did a great job!} Marissa stands next to Alex and gently takes her hand in hers. Alex slowly turns to face Marissa and smiles, suprised. Marissa faces Alex and they look intensely at each other. Marissa looks at Alex with an "I feel the same way" expression. Marissa looks away and smiles, Alex looks back at the music as well much happier now. we see a close up of their hands and they let go so their fingers are touching each other, (like hand on hand) then hold hands again like before CUT TO: The hospital - Ryan is asleep in the corridor leaning on his hand and Lindsay walks up and sits next to him, she takes her hand in his which wakes him up. Ryan rubs his eye and smiles at Lindsay. Lindsay smiles at him - we then see them pulling up outside the Cohen�s, in Lindsay�s car, Lindsay turns the car off and they both sit there quietly Ryan: (looks at Lindsay) this is my fault Lindsay: no I-its no ones fault...but I-I think Caleb has changed...he really wants a relationship with me Ryan: (looks at Lindsay) well that�s great Lindsay: yeah it is Ryan: yeah Lindsay: its jus...I think that that�s gonna be pretty hard Ryan: (realises) if I�m around yeah I know Lindsay: look I know...that he�s gonna like you...I mean...how could he not (laughs) (Ryan smiles) I jus think that it�s gonna take some time...an he needs me now Ryan: yeah we'll take some time off, it�s not like we haven�t done it before Lindsay: I don�t know its first Kirsten an now my dad Ryan: hey you don�t want a relationship with Julie Cooper do you cause I don�t think we'd see each other (smiles) Lindsay: yeah (shakes her head) that�s...not gonna happen (laughs) Ryan: look...I know what it�s like...not havin a dad I...I get it (looks at Lindsay) (Ryan leans over and kisses Lindsay) Ryan: (softly) bye (smiles) (Ryan gets out of the car and Lindsay watches, teary. she smiles. Ryan turns around and watches her reverse out) CUT TO: Sandy�s office - Rebecca is sitting on the couch and her phone rings, she looks at who is ringing and smiles Rebecca: (answers) hello (Sandy is in the Cohen kitchen, talking on the phone) Sandy: hey, it�s me I�m jus checkin up on ya makin sure your ok Rebecca: yeah, I was just getting ready ta...sack out on the couch Sandy: alright, ill see ya in the morning...an we'll figure this out Rebecca: with you leading the charge, I have no doubt (smiles) Sandy: goodnight Rebecca: goodnight...thankyou (Sandy hangs up - Rebecca gets off the couch and turns the light off) CUT TO: Seth�s bedroom - Seth is sitting on his bed working on a sketch of himself? and the phone rings. he sighs and stops drawing. the phone is all the way over on his desk so he tries to use his super 'powers' to bring it to him {so cute!} the phone continues to ring so he gives up and walks over to answer it Seth: (sits back on the bed) hello (Kirsten is driving in the car, talking on her phone) Kirsten: oh hey sweetie its mom Seth: hey how�s Grampa Kirsten: uh he�s-he�s ok I just saw him, is your dad around Seth: uhhh hang on let me check (stands up and walks to the door) (calls softly with no effort) dad (into the phone) pff I have no idea where he is right now (sits back on the bed) Kirsten: ok well I-I�m gonna make a pitt stop, i'm gonna drop a few things off at his office, needs some sprucing up Seth: (frowns) did you jus say sprucing Kirsten: (smiles) yes I did indeed Seth: alright, listen um if he an I should cross paths is there anything you want me ta tell him Kirsten: nah I-I want it ta be a suprise jus-jus let him know that ill be home in a few minutes Seth: alright I can do that, bye bye (hangs up and goes back to drawing) (knock at the door) yeah (Sandy walks in) Sandy: hey Seth: hey Sandy: Ryan an I could use a little help settin the table Seth: alright (gets off the bed) Sandy: (frowns) who called Seth: oh it was mom Sandy: oh yeah what'did she say Seth: she�s gonna be home in a few (Sandy and Seth walk out of the room) CUT TO: Sandy�s office - Kirsten lets herself in and shuts the door. she walks over to Sandy�s desk and puts the bag of things down then turns the desk lamp on so there is a little light in the room. Kirsten smiles and picks up a book that Sandy left on his chair Rebecca: (from the other room) Sandy (Kirsten turns around) Rebecca: is that you (Rebecca comes out of the room and sees a very shocked/stunned Kirsten standing there) Kirsten: Rebecca (Rebecca doesn�t say anything, Kirsten looks at Rebecca, stunned) - Fade out	Plan: A: an active role; Q: What role does Summer decide to take in the making of the comic book? A: Seth; Q: Who is concerned about spending so much time with Summer? A: Rebecca; Q: Who does Sandy reminisce with about days gone by? A: Kirsten; Q: Who tries to convince Caleb that he could have a relationship with Lindsay? A: Caleb; Q: Who decides what kind of future he wants to have with his daughters? A: Alex; Q: Who asks Marissa about their friendship? A: their friendship; Q: What is Marissa trying to convince Alex to keep going? Summary: Summer decides to take an active role in the making of the comic book, but Seth doesn't know if he can handle spending that much time alone with her. Sandy and Rebecca reminisce about days gone by as Kirsten tries to convince Caleb that he could have a relationship with Lindsay. As Caleb decides what kind of future he wants to have with his daughters, Alex asks Marissa where their friendship is going.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Gunn to vampire: "You expecting somebody else?" Angel: "We're fighting on the same side. Why can't we do this together?" Gunn: "I'm always on my own." Alonna: "You won't be happy until you get as close to death as you possibly can." Gunn: "It's not gonna happen little sister." Alonna morphing into vamp-face and reaching up to bite and turn Gunn. Gunn saying "Good-bye, Alonna" as he stakes her. Vamp.Alonna dusting. Gunn to Angel: "I killed her. She was the reason, man." Dennis face bulging out the wall in Cordy's apartment. Angel: "It's haunted." Cordelia: "It's rent controlled!" Cordy: "I have a roommate, but it's cool. I never see him. (covers the phone) Hey, Hey! Phantom Dennis, put that back!" The light explosion after the vampire dust gets sucked into the box during the raising ritual. Holland to Lindsey: "We'll even the score with him - beginning with what's in that box." Lilah: "We're all very pleased you're here - Darla." Darla: "He's here." Lindsey: "Angel." Darla: "I'd love to see that boy." Karaoke host to Angel: "Uh, 'Send In the Clowns' and 'Tears of a Clown' both in one night. What a treat." Angel: "Well, I was sort of going for a, you know, medley kind of thing." Host: "Yeah, yeah. Well, more of a duo-dley, really, wasn't it?" Angel: "I-I couldn't come up with a third." Host: "Still, I've never seen you open up like that. Now, tell the truth. You've been practicing, haven't you?" Angel: "A little." Host: "Probably not in front of the mirror." Angel: "In the shower." Host: "And it so shows." Angel: "You think?" Host: "Yeah. You really put your heart into it. Question is - what happens to it now?" Angel: "It?" Host: "Your heart, you big softie. - It may not be beating but it can still break." Angel: "What do you mean?" Host: "Just that you've come to a bend in your own personal uphill road, bro. Whether or not that slows you down... Well, that's up to you. (The host turns away from Angel as we hear the noises of the bar for the first time and music starts to play) Because (starts singing ) there are hills and mountains between us always something to get over. (Angel wanders away from the side of the stage, preoccupied) If I had my way, surely you would be closer. (Angel looks up and stops as he sees Darla smiling at him from where she stands by the bar) Oh, I need you closer. You can windsurf into my life, (Angel walks over to Darla) take me up on a carpet ride..." Angel puts his hands on Darla's waist and pulls her closer. Angel: "Darla. (slight laugh) I was afraid you weren't coming." Darla: "Mmm, don't be silly, silly! I've been here the whole time." Angel: "You have?" Darla: "Ah-mm, just waiting for you. (Angel smiles) Aren't you going to ask me to dance?" After a beat Angel leads her out onto the floor with a smile. Host singing: "I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can." He continues to sing as Angel and Darla slow dance in the suddenly deserted bar. Host: "I need you, right here, right now, right by my side, ye-ah, ye-ah." Angel his forehead leaning against Darla's: "I still can't believe you're here. I mean - I killed you." Darla: "I'm over that. - You haven't told anyone else about these dates of ours, have you?" Angel pulling back a little: "No. I want you all for myself." Darla: "I know how you feel." Angel: "It's so strange." Darla: "But good." Angel: "But good." They kiss as the song ends. Host: "Somebody get these two love-vamps a room!" And we go from Angel and Darla kissing to Angel asleep in his bed with a dreamy smile on his face. He wakes, blinking his eyes and looking around. Puts a hand to his forehead, and swallows. Intro. The Hyperion. Cordelia is dusting by the stairs. Wesley is behind the receiving desk. Cordy: "Oh, this place is never gonna get clean." Wesley: "Buck up. It's just a little dust." Cordy: "This isn't mere dust. This is 'son of dust.' This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. - I give up." Wesley: "Very well. We'll just move our offices back to your living room." Cordy: "And I'm dusting." Front door opens. Gunn: "Where's Angel?" Cordy: "I believe the word is 'hello?'" Gunn: "Yeah? 'cause I thought 'where is Angel' summed it up. We got work to do." Cordy: "He's still sleeping." Gunn: "Sleeping? It's 3:30 in the afternoon. I've been up since dawn!" Cordy coming to stand next to Wesley: "Sort of missing the whole 'creature of the night' angle, isn't he?" Gunn: "I knew I said 4 o'clock." Wesley: "You had an appointment?" Gunn: "He didn't brief you? - Angel promised to back me up. We're meeting a snitch downtown. This guy has a line on Deevak." Wesley: "Deevak?" Gunn: "Demon. He set up camp in my neighborhood. He put to of my men in the hospital last night. So could one of you go in there and knock on his coffin?" Cordy: "He doesn't use a coffin. And maybe you've never heard the expression 'let sleeping vampires lie?' - He'll rise on his own. He always does. - Maybe we can help?" Gunn: "You two? I find Deevak I'm gonna need more than C3po and 'stick figure Barbie' backing me up. No offence." Wesley: "Very little taken." Gunn: "Deevak is a bad-ass. I'm gonna need the serious muscle." The door opens and Nabbit steps in, wearing his blue silk cape and swinging a sword. Nabbit: "Demons of the underworld be ware - your time on the surface is drawing nigh!" Cordy smiling: "David, hi!" Nabbit runs up to them: "I got here as quick as I could." Cordy: "We paged you two days ago." Nabbit: "I was in Kuala Lumpur. Hostile take-over. (Whips his sword up at Gunn) Ah, identify yourself, traveler. Are you also a fellow demon killer?" Gunn bats the sword away: "Who is this guy?" Wesley: "David Nabbit, meet Charles Gunn. Gunn, Nabbit." Nabbit: "Ha, pleasure's all mine. - So, - where is Angel?" Cordy: "Actually, he's still kind of sleeping." Nabbit: "At 3:30? I've been up since dawn!" Angel comes down the stairs: "Sorry I'm late." Nabbit sword back in hand: "Ah! I stand ready to fight the good fight, sir! What do you need?" Angel: "Financial advice." Nabbit blinks: "Okay. Good." Angel: "We're making this hotel our new base of operations. Right now we're leasing it for six months with an option to buy." Nabbit: "And how much are you willing to put down?" Cordy: "'Nothing' - would be good." Nabbit shrugs: "Oh. That's easy. You could look into seller financing, take over the owner's payments and skip the bank completely, or you could make a play for a preservation grant. Offer to restore the original décor and get the city and the feds to give you a tax break and a loan at a sweetheart rate. Or you could apply for an FHA and get a PMI in lieu of a down payment." Cordy: "Is anybody else getting warm? (Nabbit looks at her) Do that 'tax breaks,' FHA and PMI part again." Nabbit looks form Cordy to Angel a couple times. Gunn to Angel: "I-I'll have my money guy run up some numbers for you." Angel: "Thanks." Nabbit nods then runs up the stairs to the doors. Stops and turns with a big smile on his face. Nabbit: "Is this demon fighting cool or what, huh?" Leaves. Gunn as Angel goes to pour himself a cup of coffee: "What are you doing, man? We need to move on this." Angel: "Relax. We'll make it." Gunn: "Relax? Every time you ask me for a favor I'm right there. First time a need your help, you snoozing the afternoon away. What's up with that?" Angel hands Cordy his car keys: "Cordy, you're driving." Cordy: "Me? Drive your car? (Angel nods) So cool." Angel: "Wesley, we're gonna need some bribe money, some cash in the box." Gunn: "Hey, wait a minute." Angel: "I thought you wanna move on this?" Gunn: "Which is why we're not taking these two. They'll slow us up." Angel grabbing his coat: "We go up against Deevak we're gonna need the entire team. (to Cordy) Pick me up in the back, in the shade." Gunn stands there shaking his head as Angel walks out the back and Cordy and Wesley head for the front doors. Wesley: "Shotgun." Angel's car pulls up in a parking garage and Cordy and Wesley get out, followed by Angel and Gunn. Gunn looking around: "We're too late. He split." Cordy: "Maybe he heard what a pleasant person you were to be around." Angel looking around: "There." A short black kid slowly peeks out from behind a van. Jameel: "One of you Gunn?" Gunn: "That's me. You Jameel?" Jameel come out from behind the van. Angel throws an envelope at him and he catches it. Angel: "Here's the money." Jameel throws it at Gunn's feet: "Keep it. I changed my mind." Gunn picks up the money: "You don't want this - your choice. But you're gonna tell me where to find Deevak." Jameel: "Hey, man, the only reason why I showed is 'cause I know you got a rep, and I aint looking to make no new enemies. But on this Deevak situation I just can't help you. He'll know it was me. Demon's got eyes and ears all over the place, not to mention teeth! There's a good chance that he had some vamps tail me over." Gunn looks around: "I don't see none." Jameel: "Good. I'm just here to pay my respects and be off the streets before sundown like my momma taught me." Gunn: "You want to make it home at all you're gonna start telling me what you know." Jameel: "Look man, I'm sorry. But Deevak scares me a lot more than you do." Gunn hands the envelope to Angel then whips around and knocks Jameel down. Cordy: "Gunn!" Angel: "Hey!" Gunn kicks the fallen Jameel: "Are you scared of me now?" Angel steps between them: "What are you doing?" Gunn: "What I got to do. I got people dying!" Jameel: "Man, I didn't do anything!" Gunn pushes past Angel and pulls Jameel up. Gunn: "You think I care? Survival of the fittest, bro. And right now you ain't looking too fit." Gunn pulls his fist back to hit a cowering Jameel, but Angel catches it. Angel: "Easy." Gunn: "Let go man. This is my case." Angel: "It was. Now it's mine." They stare at each other, when a door opens and some vamps rush in. Wesley: "Angel!" Jameel: "Oh, man. See I told you I was being watched!" Jameel pulls himself free and disappears, the others turn to confront the vampires. The three guys take one vampire each while Cordy dances around with stake in hand swinging at the backs of the fighting vamps. On her second try she stakes Wesley's vamp just as it is about to jump on a downed Wesley then gives him a hand up. Angel and Gunn continue to fight their vamps, both doing about equally well. Blend to show the stake lying between three piles of dust and our four heroes sitting with their back leaned against Angel's car. Cordy: "I'm so sick of dust." Angel: "I can't lift my arm all the way." Gunn: "That vamp did a number on my ribs." Wesley: "I'm afraid I threw my back out again. (Pulls a smashed pager out of his back pocket) Ach, lovely!" Drops it. Cordy: "Ach! Grease stains! All over my new outfit. (Angel and Gunn look at her) Okay, so maybe my pain isn't physical, but do you have any idea of the dry cleaning bill I'm looking at?" Gunn: "We're still no closer to finding Deevak." Wesley: "Probably for the best." Gunn: "How you figure?" Wesley: "Well, we're hardly prepared to face a demon of Deevak's caliber in our current condition." Gunn: "You ready to pack it in? Only reason I called you was because you all supposed to be the demon experts." Angel: "Wesley's right. Three vamps, we should have been able to take them all a lot easier and faster than we did. We need to regroup." Gunn gets up: "Maybe the rest of you need a little down time. I'm gonna track down Jameel and make him talk." Cordy: "When you do find him, you may wanna be a little more Guy Pierce in L.A Confidential and less Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs?" Gunn: "I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed at the Oscars for Malcom X. - Later." Gunn leaves. Wesley: "That was quite a performance." Cordy: "I know! Talk about being wound up to tight." Wesley: "No. I-I mean Denzel." Cordy: "Oh. Well, he is always great." Wesley to Angel: "What about you?" Angel: "Who doesn't love Denzel?" Wesley: "No! I mean - what you said before. It's true. I've never seen you have so much trouble with a simple vampire before." Angel: "Off day. Lets go." Night. The Hyperion. Cordy pulls up with Angel beside her in the convertible (top now down). Cordy: "Home sweet hotel." Angel: "Just bring the car back tomorrow." Cordy: "You sure you gonna be okay?" Angel: "Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need to get some sleep." Cordy as Angel gets out: "That seems to be all you've been doing lately. Not that I'm judging!" Angel: "Good night." Cordy calls after him: "Sleep tight! (adds quietly) don't let the bed bugs bite." Cordy walks into her living room carrying a book and a cup. Cordy: "Jeez, Dennis, it's like a meat locker in here. Don't tell me you turned down the thermostat again." The thermostat moves from 50 to 75. Cordy curls up in a chair: "Thank you. - What is it with ghosts and cold rooms?" She gets hit by a vision. Cordy: "Oh, what... Oh, no!" She gets hit by the second part of it, and this time we see a blurry picture of Gunn fighting something we can't see. Cordelia drops to the floor holds up one hand. Cordy: "Dennis, phone!" The cordless jumps into her hand. Angel lies curled up in bed as the phone laying on the nightstand rings. Angel: "What's that ringing?" He and Darla are lying out in the 'moon' in a couple of lawn chairs, wearing bathing suits and sunglasses. Darla: "Nothing, darling. It'll stop." Angel: "Where is it coming from?" Darla: "Ignore it." She takes a piece of ice out of her drink and draws a line with it down the middle of Angel's chest. He starts to laugh. Angel: "Why are you so good to me - after everything I did?' Darla: "Because - you and I are one. (she draws the ice cube across Angel's lips. The phone stops ringing) See? I told you it would stop." She leans down and they kiss. Cordy to phone as she paces: "Wesley? Where are you? Are you there? Wesley? Ugh! Where are you guys? God. I don't know what I should do. I had a vision. It's Gunn. He's in trouble. I-I think it's bad. Oh, god, where are you guys? I don't know what to... Okay, I'm going over there. When you get this message, get Angel and meet me at Gunn's, okay?" Hangs up the phone and grabs her purse, heads for the door, stops. Cordy: "I need a weapon. (Takes an axe out of the closet and shoves it in her purse) Okay. I'm gonna die. (Heads for the door) I'm gonna die." Angel's convertible pulls up in front of Gunn's place. Cordy jumps out and runs in. Axe in hand, she heads down a dimly lit corridor. Cordy: "Gunn?" She hears the sound of weapons clashing coming from the laundry room. Sees Gunn fighting someone with quarterstaffs through the window in the door. Runs in and hits the other guy over the head from behind with the axe. Guy holds his head: "Ow!" Gunn rips the axe out of Cordy's hand: "Are you crazy? What the hell are you doing?" Cordy: "Saving you from a killer demon!" There is the sound of laughter. Cordy turns around and sees the rest of Gunn's gang sitting there watching. Cordy: "Not a demon?" Gunn shakes his head. Cordy: "I didn't just save your life?" Back to Angel sleeping. He comes up behind Darla and wraps his arms around her. Angel: "What are you thinking about?" We hear a soft knocking in the background. Darla: "You. - Us." Angel: "You seem sad." Darla: "It's just - I have to go." Angel: "Where?" Darla: "Away." Angel: "I'll go with you." Darla: "You can't. I'm in danger." Angel: "I'll protect you." She turns around in his arms as the knocking becomes the sound of hammering. Darla: "You're too busy protecting everyone else." They almost kiss, but the hammering gets louder and they look over to see Wesley putting a nail into an upright coffin. Angel: "Wesley? - Stop it!" Angel looks around for Darla, but she is gone. He turns back to find himself face to face with Wesley. He grabs him by the throat and throws him backwards on the floor - in reality. Angel: "You made her go away." Wesley in choked voice: "Angel, it's me!" Angel: "What are you doing here?" Wesley: "Gunn's in trouble. Can't breathe." Angel: "Gunn can't breathe?" Wesley: "I can't breathe." Angel jumps off him: "Oh, sorry." Wesley leans back taking deep breaths: "Oh, it's quite alright. (Looks up at Angel) Now about the naked thing..." Angel looks down at himself: "I'll get dressed." Wesley: "Much appreciated." Angel offers his hand to help Wesley up. Wesley: "Uh, no, no." Gets up without help. Cut to Cordy bandaging the head of the guy she just attacked. Cordy: "Okay. There you go. Good as new." Guy: "I think you cracked my skull." Cordy: "Well, that's new, right?" Gunn heads towards the door. Cordy: "Hey wait a minute. Where are you going?" Gunn: "Walking you to your car. You're going home." Cordy picks up her axe and purse and hurries after him. Cordy: "You know you can't just dismiss me like that. I know what I'm talking about." Gunn: "Oh, you mean like you knew Joey was a demon?" Cordy: "That was an honest mistake. I was just trying to help you." Gunn: "Thanks for the help. Always enhances a guy's rep when some skinny white beauty queen comes to his rescue - in front of his crew!" Cordy: "Whether you wanna believe it or not, you are in big time danger. I'm vision girl. I saw you. You were at the end of your world, fighting for your life. You were so scared!" Gunn: "See, now I know you're tripping, 'cause I don't get scared." Cordy: "Well, I do! The things I've seen, sometimes they get downright terrifying. And right now, I am scared for you!" Gunn: "Hey, be scared for me all you want, just do it back at your place." Cordy: "I'm not leaving your side until I know you're safe." They step out through the door of the building. Gunn: "I'm not in the market for a sidekick, so hightail it back on home." Cordy: "No." Gunn: "Thanks for coming. Buckle up. Drive safe. - So where's your car?" Cut to Wesley and Angel standing outside the hotel. Wesley: "So - where is your car?" Cut to Cordy and Gunn in Gunn's pickup. Cordy: "Angel is not gonna be happy. Do you know what he's gonna do to me when he finds out I let his car get stolen? What are the chances that a vampire has full insurance with a low deductible?" Gunn: "I'll find the car." Cordy: "And how exactly are you gonna do that?" Gunn: "I know a couple of guys in this part of town that jack vintage cars. We'll run down the list until we find Angel's ride." Cordy: "And then what? You're just gonna ask them to give it back?" Gunn: "I'll say please." Cordy: "Ooh! I forgot. You'll use your famous charm. Like you did this afternoon with that pigeon stool." Gunn: "It's stool pigeon. - And you don't have clue why I do the things I do!" Cordy: "Paging Mr. Rationalization!" Gunn: "Paging Ms. About-to-be-thrown-out-of-a-moving-vehicle." Cordy: "Be as rude as you want. I'm not going anywhere until I know you're safe!" Gunn: "Me rude? You're the one that showed up at my place, attacked my boy, then decided to highjack my life. The way I figure it, I find your car for you, you give me my freedom back." Cordy: "That's not the way it works! You need protection!" Gunn: "And how exactly do you plan on protecting me? With some weak-ass lady-smith battle axe?" Cordy: "Ask Joey and his cracked skull just how weak-ass it is. (Gunn mouths something silently. Cordy digs in her purse) Besides - I've also got this! (holds up a red bottle) Mace!" Gunn: "Mace?" Cordy: "Little squirt, squirt, right in the eye?" Gunn: "You're expecting me to be jumped by a couple of purse-snatching demons?" Cordy: "Well, it'll just have to so because - I'm your protector whether you like it or not." Gunn: "Well, something better attack me soon 'cause I know I can't take much more of this." Wesley get on his motorcycle, looks over at Angel. Wesley: "Come on. What are you waiting for?" Angel holds up a pink motorcycle helmet. Angel: "I-I-I really don't think it's gonna fit." Wesley: "Of course it will. Put it on." Angel: "You know, I-I don't need a helmet for protection." Wesley: "Angel. It's the law in California. You want us to get pulled over?" Angel: "No." Wesley: "Then what's the problem?" Angel: "Well, it-it's just, you know - the whole - visibility issue, not to mention the whole hat-head thing and if you really think about it, how come I have to wear the ladies helmet?" Wesley: "Stop being such a wnkr and put it on!" Angel looks like he wants to protest some more but Wesley just looks at him. Angel puts the helmet on and looks at Wesley. Wesley suppresses a smile while he puts his own (black) helmet on: "Good. Hop on board, gorgeous." Angel: "You'll pay for this." Gets on behind Wesley. Gunn and Cordy walk into a car yard. Cordy: "It isn't here." Gunn: "They wouldn't keep it here on the lot. New acquisitions are in the garage." Cordy: "Getting the full make-over I bet." A door opens behind them and a guy comes out. Henry: "What are you looking for?" Gunn: "'67 Plymouth convertible." Henry: "Give me a few days. I'll see what I can do." Gunn: "Cordelia, meet Henry." Henry: "New to the neighborhood?" Cordy: "Someone stole my friends car tonight." Gunn: "'67 Plymouth?" Henry: "Wasn't me. Convertible you said?" Gunn: "Yeah." Henry: "Desmond's your man. He can't pass up old convertibles. You should talk to him." Gunn to Cordy: "Come on." Henry: "You won't find him at his shop. Tito's having a party. Everyone's invited. Desmond'll be there." Gunn: "Where'd you jack these cars from?" Henry: "Around." Gunn: "They look like neighborhood cars to me." Henry: "Oh, I help you out and now you want to start something." Gunn: "Look, I told you, you wanna jack beemers in Brentwood, be my guest. But leave the neighborhood cars alone." Henry: "Yeah, well business is business. You should think about minding your own." Gunn: "Things don't change I might have to put you out of business. - Lets go." He and Cordy leave. Once they're gone a big ugly demon comes up behind Henry. Deevak: "I'm surprised you didn't wet yourself." Henry: "Him? He's nothing, Deevak. Name's Gunn. He's under the false impression that he runs this town." Deevak: "I know who he is - the trouble he's caused. Tonight - it ends." Angel and Wesley riding on the motorcycle. Three guys walkout of a house with rap playing in the background. Middle guy: "Gunn. What are you doing here?" Gunn: "I was about to ask you the same thing." Guy to his buds: "I-I'll catch up with you guys later." They leave. Gunn: "You're supposed to be cruising the garment district." Guy: "Things were dead down there, man." Gunn: "Oh, so you figured you earned yourself a little party?" Guy: "Come on -It's just a little fun." Gunn: "No, it's you not obeying orders. We got two men down, you want to make it a third? Get the hell back home. I've got a few things to take care of in here, then you and I are gonna have a little chat. Go!" He goes. Cordy: "Jeez, short enough leash or do you just go all warm and tingly on the whole power-trip thing?" Gunn: "Some people need discipline to survive. Now when we get inside, shut up and stick close to me." Cordy: "Hold on there, generalissimo. I'm not one of your toy soldiers you can just boss around!" Gunn: "I don't even want you here." Cordy: "Too bad! I am here. And I don't take orders. Well, except from Angel, and at least he usually asks nicely. And besides I don't need you to tell me how to behave at a party. Trust me, I know how to blend!" [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to the party in the house. Cordy: "Okay, not exactly blending. Maybe I just shut up and stick close to you." A girl spots Gunn. Veronica: "Hey, stranger!" Gunn: "Hey, girl. You're looking good, Veronica." Veronica: "I've missed you down at the store lately. Works so boring when you don't stop by." Gunn: "I've just been kind of busy, you know?" Veronica: "Who's your friend?" Cordy: "Who me? I'm no friend. I mean I'm just here on business. I'm a working girl. - That came out wrong. I mean, obviously I'm not a "working girl." Not that I couldn't be if I wanted to, of course I could. - God that sounded stuck up, didn't it? I didn't mean to imply that I could be a working girl and you couldn't. Far from it. You'd make a great... Could you just point me to the hor d'oeuvers?" Gunn: "This is Cordelia. We're looking for Desmond. You seen him?" Veronica: "Oh. He's around here somewhere." Gunn: "Cool. Thanks. I'll catch you later." Veronica: "You better. I don't want you forgetting about us down here." Gunn: "Never." Cordy follows Gunn deeper into the house. Gunn greets some guys on the way. Cordy: "Are you friends with like every criminal in town?" Gunn: "See, there you go assuming those brothers are criminals." Cordy: "Aren't they?" Gunn: "You mean like your friend David Nabbit? You think he became a billionaire by being a good citizen?" Cordy: "Actually he did. He made his first millions developing software that lets blind people surf the web. Plus, he set up a foundation that donates 20 billion a year to countless charitable causes." Gunn: "Well, you let me know when some of that coin trickles down to these parts. - There he is." Cordy: "Who? Car-thief guy?" Gunn: "One and the same. Desmond!" Desmond: "G-man. Can I get you a brew?" Gunn: "You can give me the '67 Plymouth you stole from my place tonight." Desmond: "What makes you think I'm the guy?" Gunn: "Don't play with me and I won't play with you." Desmond: "Hey, I had no idea..." Gunn turns at the sound of glass breaking and girls screaming. Some vampires have crashed the party, hitting their way through the crowd towards Gunn. Cordy tries to hit one with her axe, but the other just bats her aside. Two vamps are holding Gunn while the other punches him in the ribs. Cordy smashes a popcorn bowl on the hitter's head, but again just gets batted out of the way. Veronica rushes to help Gunn, but a vampire throws her into some glass shelves. She lands on the floor and pulls a piece of glass out of the side of her neck. The other guys at the party start in on the vamps while Cordelia tries to help Veronica. Veronica: "What's happening?" Cordy: "Uhm - you're bleeding. I'm gonna take care of you. Just try to relax, okay? " Cordy goes to get a towel and presses it against the neck wound. Cordy: "Okay. Try to sit up, okay? Come on. Easy." Cordy helps Veronica to sit up leaning against the sofa behind her, ignoring the fight still going on. Cordy: "Here we go. Okay. You're gonna be okay, okay? (looks at the bloody towel) You're gonna be okay." The last vampire finally jumps headfirst out the window and we hear a car squealing away. Gunn turns and sees Cordy and Veronica. Cordy to Gunn: "She needs a doctor (mouthes silently) now!" Gunn kicks the door to the emergency room open, carrying Veronica, with Cordy still pressing the towel against her neck. Gunn: "She needs a doctor! Where is a doctor?" Nurse: "This way. - Dr. Thomas!" Dr. Thomas: "What happened?" They put Veronica on a gurney. Cordy: "A piece of broken glass went into her neck. She pulled it out before I could stop her. It looked like it may have clipped her artery. I applied pressure to the wound, slowed the bleeding. Her pulse has been weakening. She passed out on the way over here." Gunn: "She gonna be alright?" Dr. Thomas: "Please step outside and let us take care of her." Gunn: "Is she gonna be alright!" Dr. Thomas: "You're friend probably saved her life (Gunn looks down at Cordy's hand still pressed over the wound), but we still got some work to do, so let us do it please." The doctor puts her hand on the towel and Cordy takes hers away, takes a hold of Gunn's arm. Cordy: "Come on, Gun, she's in good hands. Gunn." He lets her lead him out, never taking his eyes for Veronica's bloody neck. Cordelia is rolling up her bloodstained sleeves and walks down a hospital corridor looking for Gunn. Sees him standing alone in a waiting room with his head resting against the wall. He hits the wall and begins to pace, sees Cordy. Gunn: "She almost died." Cordy: "But she didn't." Gunn: "No thanks to me." Cordy: "It's not your fault." Gunn: "I let my guard down and she's the one - (hits the wall hard) the vamps was coming after me not her!" Cordy: "Take it easy." Gunn: "I can't take it easy. I can never take it easy. Not for one second, alright? The minute I forget that someone like Alonna pays the price." Cordy: "Alonna?" Gunn looks at her, then shakes his head and continues to pace: "Veronica. - I can't stop. I can't ever stop." Cordy looks at him as Desmond tries to sneak into the elevator in the corridor behind her. Cordy points a finger at him without turning around: "Don't you move a muscle! (Goes to confront him) Where - is my car?" Wesley and Angel pull up between two police cars sitting in front of Tito's house. Wesley and Angel look at each other as Angel puts the pink helmet on the back of the bike then runs a hand through his hair. Wesley stops a black girls coming down the steps from the house. Wesley: "Excuse me Miss, do you by any chance know a Charles Gunn? One of his associates suggested that we might be able to find him here." Girl still headed away from the house: "Huh? No. I don't know. Maybe he was one of the ones that got hurt." Wesley turns to look around for someone else, but Angel stays close to the girl keeping one hand on her back. Angel: "Looks like you're hurt." Girl: "Huh? No. I-I'm fine." Angel: "What happened here?" Girl: "I'm not sure. It just all happened so fast. We were partying. I don't know who they were looking for, but they were strong. It was like they were on something." By now all three of them are behind an ambulance. Girl: "I just - I just need to lie down." Wesley: "Ah, if you've suffered some sort of head injury.." Girl: "No. I'm okay. Really. I was lucky compared to some of the others." She turns to go, but Angel takes a hold of her shoulders. Angel: "Are you sure you're okay?" Girl: "Yeah. Thanks." Angel: "Good." Head-buts her hard in the face, and she reveals her vamp face. Angel: "Now start talking, huh?" Cordy and Gunn walk into a garage. Angel's car is there. Cordy: "There is a god! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Gunn: "Great. You drive it out of here I follow you home." Cordy: "Just as soon as I find the keys." Gunn: "You don't have the keys?" Cordy: "Well, I-I kind of left them in the car when I went in to save you. I thought you were in danger. Every second counted." Gunn: "You know, I got to tell you, you are one high-maintenance chick." Cordy: "The keys are here. (Starts looking through the car) Somewhere." Gunn: "You are killing me!" Cordy: "Can't you - you know - hot wire it?" Gunn: "Just because I know some car thieves don't mean I am one." Cordy: "Hey instead of being high-moral-ground boy, why don't you help me find them?" Deevak rattling some keys: "Looking for these?" Gunn to Cordy: "Go." Cordy: "Not a chance." Gunn: "Go!" Cordy: "I'm not leaving you!" Deevak: "How touching. A woman willing to die with her man." Cordy: "Oh, no. He's not my man. He-he's just a friend. And - about the 'willing to die' part..." Gunn: "You must be Deevak. They told me you was ugly but - damn." Deevak: "And you're the big bad Gunn." Gunn stretches his hand back towards Cordy, but she only bats it away. Deevak: "Heard you were looking for me." Deevak grabs Gunn by the throat and lifts him up. Cordy: "Hey!" Deevak: "You found me." Cordy pulls out her axe and hits Deevak, but he catches her wrist in his other hand. Deevak: "How does it feel to finally meet up with someone even nastier than you? Uh, not good by the sound of it." Cordy: "Stop it! You're killing him!" Deevak morphs into Jameel. Jameel: "Survival of the fittest, bro, and right now you're not looking too fit." Cordelia digs the mace out of her purse and sprays it in Jameel's eyes. Jameel lets got of them. Cordy: "Gunn." Jameel morphs back into Deevak. Cordy: "Oh my god." Cordy and Gunn get up and back away as Angel and Wesley on their motorcycle come sliding in sideways under the garage door, knocking one of the vampires down. The vamp picks himself back up and grins as he sees Angel take off the pink helmet. Angel looks at the helmet in his hands, back at the vamp. Grins and smashes the helmet in its face. Angel and Wes are fighting the vamps, Gunn is trying to fight Deevak, but Deevak blocks every punch he throws. Cordy tries to hit one of the vamps with her ax, but gets pinned up against the side of a car by it. Wesley comes in to stake the vampire holding her, then pulls her out of the way of another vamp trying to bash her head in with a crowbar. Deevak is now attacking Gunn, and Gunn barely manages to avoid the demon's wild swings. One of Deevak's hands connects, knocking Gunn down. Angel seeing this yells "Cordy, Axe!" She throws him the axe and he catches it as he jumps off a car's hood into a summersault, burying the axe in Deevak's forehead on the way down. Deevak drops like a tree trunk next to Gunn. Angel reaches out a hand and pulls Gunn to his feet. Angel is pushing the car out of the garage, then jumps into it trying to start it by poping the clutch when Wesley runs out after him. Wesley: "Angel! Angel look. I found your keys. (holds up the gunked up keys) Unfortunately this substances doesn't appear to be coming off." Angel looks at it: "What's that?" Wesley: "Demon blood, or demon puss, or possibly both." Tries to get Angel to take the keys of the pen that he is holding them up with but Angel backs away. Angel: "Easy. Anyone know hot to hot wire a car?" Gunn walks up past Cordy rubbing his throat. Gunn: "Hey." Cordy: "Hey." Gunn: "Well, you finally saved my life. I guess I should say thanks." Cordy: "Yes, you should, and no - I didn't." Gunn: "What?" Cordy: "Deevak wasn't the danger my vision was warning me about." Gunn: "He wasn't?" Cordy: "No." Gunn: "Then what was?" Cordy: "I'm looking at it. It's you, Charles. You're the danger." Gunn: "Excuse me?" Cordy: "It's how you life your life. You don't just face danger, you create it. You're on a self destruct mission - unless you get some help." Gunn laughs: "I ain't buying none of this Dionne Warwick crap." Cordy: "You know it's true. You need some serious saving. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me." Gunn: "Oh, is that right?" Cordy: "Well, yeah. Better just plan on having me I your life for a while. At least until you find some peace." Gunn: "Could be a while." Cordy: "That's okay. Helping people that's what me and my friends do." Gunn opens the door to his pickup: "Well, lucky me." Cordy: "Hey. How about that thank you?" Gunn looks at her, Cordy raises her eyebrows at him, Gunn gives her a slightly sheepish smile and Cordy smiles back. He closes the door and drives off. Angel and Wesley come to stand next to Cordy. Angel walks into the hotel lobby looking beat. Darla: "Honey, you're home." Angel: "Hi." Darla: "You look beat. What's wrong?" Angel: "Nothing." Darla walking over to him: "Save any lives today?" Angel drops his coat: "A few. Yeah." Darla: "Did any of your friends say thank you?" Angel: "Not exactly." Darla: "Hmm, typical. You know, next time you see them I'm really going to say something to them." Angel: "It's okay." Darla: "No. It isn't. (Puts her hands on his arms) You give and you give and you give." Angel: "I'm used to it." Darla: "Always the protector, never the protected." Angel: "I have so many things to make up for." Darla: "And you have. You take care of so many people. - But who takes care of you?" Angel looks down at her and starts to smile: "You do." Darla coos: "That's right. I do. (Pulls him towards a red couch by the front of his sweater) Come on. (Pushes him and he drops bonelessly into one corner of it) Lean back. (Crawls on top of him) Now, you just relax and let Darla take care of you." She kisses him and we blend over into Angel's smiling face as he lies sleeping. In his dream Darla is pulling Angel's sweater off. Darla: "How's that?" Angel: "Good." Darla: "I'm just getting started, baby. (She starts kissing her way down his bare chest.) I know how to please you." Back to Angel laying on his back in bed, fast asleep. A hand crawls up his bare chest, followed by a just as bare Darla. Darla: "All you have to do is let me." Darla kisses his chest, his neck, his mouth, mirroring the dream action in real life without Angel showing any sign of waking. Darla looks down at his sleeping face: "Mmm, I could just eat you up." Darla leans down and kisses the side of his neck.	Plan: A: Darla; Q: Who is back from the dead and determined to drive Angel crazy? A: his dreams; Q: What is Darla invading to drive Angel crazy? A: his sleep; Q: What is Darla disrupting? A: his game; Q: What is Angel knocked off of by Darla? A: Cordy; Q: Who gets a vision that Gunn may be in danger? A: her interference; Q: What is Gunn annoyed with when Cordy goes to help him? A: a demon; Q: Along with vampires, what other threat is Cordy and Gunn facing? Summary: Darla is back from the dead and determined to drive Angel crazy. She's invading his dreams and disrupting his sleep, knocking him off his game. Meanwhile, Cordy gets a vision that Gunn may be in danger and goes off to help him. Gunn is annoyed with her interference. When they're confronted with vampires and a demon, though, Cordy and Gunn need to work together.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Phoebe is helping Joey rehearse for an audition. Phoebe is overacting her part.] Joey: The reactor's gonna blow in three seconds, we're never gonna make it! Phoebe: You've got to get out of here! Save yourself! Joey: No! I won't leave you! Phoebe: Don't worry about me, I'm a robot! I'm just a machine!! Joey: No you're not! Not to me! Phoebe: (she stops reading from the script) Oh my God. Joey: What? Phoebe: I am extremely talented! Joey: Yeah, you're great! Okay, let's take it from... Phoebe: (interrupting) No, I mean I was really acting my ass off. Joey: Yeah, I thought I was pretty good too. Phoebe: Oh yeah, you're solid. Yeah, you're just no me. Joey: Y'know what? I think that's enough for now. Yeah. I don't want to be over rehearsed. Phoebe: (tremendously overacting) Fine! I'll do it without you! (Joey gives her thumbs up) I don't need you or anybody else! I'm gonna make it on my own! (Joey closes the door to his bedroom.) You'll see!! You'll all see!! Opening Credits [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is memorizing his lines. Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe are there as well.] Chandler: (To Joey) So uh, what's this thing you're auditioning for? Joey: Oh, it's a new TV show. Yeah. I'm up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, I'm a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. He's a, he's a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E." Rachel: So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey: That's the title! Yeah! Y'know they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese. Chandler: That is lucky. Rachel: Huh-Wait so Joey if you get this, you're gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean you'll be like the Big Cheese! (To Phoebe) Or the Big Mac-Hey! You love those! Joey: Well, don't get your hopes up, because probably not gonna happen. Chandler: Now-now, why would you say that Joseph? Joey: I mean come on you guys! My own TV show? I just don't know if I'm good enough. Phoebe: I am. Rachel: Joey, what are you talking about? You're a terrific actor. Joey: You really think so? Rachel: Ugh, how can you even ask that question?! [And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joey's acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there to watch Joey's first scene as Dr. Drake Remoray.] Chandler: Whoa, she's pretty. (Mentioning the girl on TV) Joey: Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting. Rachel: I'm sorry, what? Monica: What? Ross: Excuse me? Joey: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this. (Does this intense look where it looks like he's smelling a fart.) Chandler: Oh, ok. Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.) [The next flashback is from The One With The Butt. The gang is watching Joey in Freud!] Joey: (on stage in an Austrian accent) Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.) All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang... [The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.] Joey: I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business. Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross: You're right, you're right, it is. Monica: Yes. Ross: So you gonna invite us all to the big opening? [Cut back to Joey about to leave for his audition for Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.] Joey: All right well, I'm outta here. Wish me luck. Phoebe: (overacting with a song this time) (singing) Gooood luck! Gooood luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!! Joey: Yeah, whatever. (Exits.) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are playing chess and are both studying the board intently.] Ross: It's your turn. Chandler: Oh, are we playing this?! Joey: (entering, dejectedly) Hey. Chandler: Hey! How'd the audition go? Joey: Terrible! I messed up every line! I shouldn't even be an actor! Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didn't go well but it really did go well? Joey: Yeah, did I fool ya? Ross: Totally! Chandler: So it did go well. Joey: Oh, it went amazingly well! Ross: Great! Chandler: Oh that's great! Joey: Yeah-yeah, it's down to me and two other guys. Chandler: Oh my God! Ross: Wow! Joey: And I know both of them, they're really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials who's always getting chased by those big flowers... Ross: Oh, I love that guy! (Laughs.) Chandler: Oh-oh, what are you doing? Ross: (stops laughing) What am I doing? Joey: I'm just so nervous! Y'know? The callback isn't until tomorrow at five. I feel like my head is going to explode! Chandler: Well, it is overdue. Ross: Look, don't worry. Okay? You're gonna be fine. Joey: There's just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I don't know if you'd understand. Ross: Yeah, none of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs. [Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.] [Scene: Chandler's office. He's on the phone, agitated.] Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy! [The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.] Monica: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce. Interviewer: Uh-huh. Is it dirty? Monica: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it. Interviewer: Don't, I like it dirty. Monica: That's your call. Interviewer: So, uh, what are you going to do next? Monica: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos. Interviewer: Are they, uh, firm? Monica: They'r alright. Interviewer: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad? Monica: No really, they're OK. Interviewer: You gonna slice them up real nice? Monica: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne. Interviewer: Aaaahhhhhhh. Monica: I'm outa here. [Monica leaves] [The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.] [Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel's new job.] Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, I'm quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it! (Pause) I'm telling you I'm quitting! That's it! I'm talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.) [The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.] Monica: Well, what happened? Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage and everything was fine until... (The flashback shows Paulo lying face down on the massage table and slowly moving his hands up Phoebe's legs and grabbing her butt.) All: Ohhhhhh! Ross: Oh my God! Phoebe: And all of the sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (The flashback shows Paulo rolling over and showing Phoebe his equipment.) Monica: Was it... Phoebe: Oh, Boy Scouts could've camped under it! [The next flashback is from The One With Ross's Sandwich, Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.] Ross: You ate my sandwich? Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone. Ross: (getting upset) Oh-oh really? Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash. Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What? Dr. Leedbetter: Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away. Ross: You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away! [Cut to an outside shot of the museum.] Ross: (losing control, we hear him shout outside) MY SANDWICH?!!! [Cut to a shot of a park.] Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.) [Cut back to Central Perk.] Joey: I want this part so much! Y'know? If I don't get this part I'm never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!-No, I didn't say that! That's a lie. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.] Chandler: Oh come on guys, it's not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it weren't for (struggles to get this out) Monica's allergies. (The duck quacks.) You're right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joey's not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.) Monica: (startled) Ahh! Aren't you dressed yet? Chandler: (looks down at his clothes) Am I naked again?! Monica: We're supposed to meet my parents in 15 minutes. Chandler: Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean, is it okay if they come visit? Monica: Wh?! What about my allergies?! Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.) [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball and Joey scores a goal.] Joey: Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be? Chandler: As crazy as soccer? (The phone rings and Joey answers it.) Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The audition's not 'til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Who'd you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.) Chandler: You mean you didn't get it from this? Joey: The allergy guy got the part! Thanks! Chandler: Well, maybe we can fix it y'know? Maybe we can send him some-some big-big flowers and scare him! Joey: How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part could've turned my whole career around! Chandler: I messed up. Okay? I'm sorry, I really messed up. Joey: Hey, you don't even live here anymore! What are you doing answering my phone? I have my machine! Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybody's allowed one mistake, right? [Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandler's mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.] Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap! Phoebe: It's not that bad. Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler] Phoebe: Chandler, Chandler. Chandler: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi! [The next flashback is from The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.] Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and... Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?! Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her. Joey: What?!! That's even worse!! Chandler: How is that worse?! Joey: I don't know! But it's the same! Chandler: You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line. Joey: Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you! [Cut back to Joey and Rachel's apartment.] Chandler: Look, I'm not saying that you should magically forgive me! But you're not perfect! You've made some errors in judgment too! Joey: Name one! [Chandler proceeds to point out Joey's errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.] Chandler: (lets him out) What happened?!! Joey: (getting out) Awww, man! He promised he wouldn't take the chairs!! Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!! Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn't think big enough to fit a grown man! Chandler: So--You got in voluntarily?! Joey: I was tryin' to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I'm gonna do? Chandler: BEND OVER?!!! [The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.] Chandler: Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess. Lorraine: Hi, Joey. (Sees Chandler.) Well well, look what you brought. Chandler: ...And what did you bring? Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice. Chandler: Janice? (Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.) Chandler: Janice?! Janice: Oh.... my.... God. [The next flashback is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend. Chandler is telling Ross and Joey that Joey's tailor took advantage of him.] Chandler: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me. Ross: What? Joey: No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years. Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite... Ross: What? Chandler: Cupping. Joey: That's how they do pants! Ross, will you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants? Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison! [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut back to the present.] Joey: I said name one! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Rachel are consoling Chandler.] Chandler: I can't believe I did this! What an idiot! Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There aren't any message you've forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently you're not very good at it! I... Chandler: Do you think he'll ever forgive me? Rachel: Of course he will! But Chandler the most important thing is you forgive yourself! Chandler: Y'know what? I-I kinda have. Rachel: Already? That's pretty bad what you did. Monica: Y'know what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case... (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay... Chandler: You didn't see how mad he was, y'know? Rachel: I'm sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Y'know, you fight, you make up, it's just the way it works. [We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.] Ross: It took two people to break up this relationship!! Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!! Ross: I didn't know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn't finish the whole letter! Rachel: What?!! Ross: I fell asleep! Rachel: (mocking him) You fell asleep?! Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means 'you are,' Y-O-U-R means 'your!' Rachel: Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!! Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it) Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!! Chandler: (coming out from behind the door) I KNEW IT!!!! [The next flashback is from The One After The Superbowl, Part II. Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to see Jean-Claude Van Damme.] Monica: You had no right to go out with him. Rachel: That is the most ridiculous... Monica: You sold me out. Rachel: I did not sell you out. Monica: Yes you did. You absolutely sold me... Rachel: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead] Monica: Did you just flick me? Rachel: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica] (They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other.) Phoebe: Oh! All right. Now, let's not do this! (Rachel tackles Monica onto the couch.) Phoebe: Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts! (They wrestle on the couch for a little while until Monica gets the upper hand and pulls Rachel off of the couch by her sock. Monica removes Rachel's sock and starts beating her with it.)This leads to wrestling on the floor. This finally angers Phoebe.) Phoebe: OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass. (Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear.) Monica and Rachel: Ow! Ow! Ow! Phoebe: I know! I know! I know! Phoebe: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop. Rachel: Fine! Monica: Fine! Phoebe: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches. [The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.] Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own. Chandler: Oh my God! Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando... (Chandler does this throat sound.) Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges) [The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.] [Joey's place. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to and throws the phone back down.] [Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.] [Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.] [Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.] [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.] Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) He's still got a chance for the part?! Oh, that's great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, that's great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what he's writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is entering to find Chandler waiting patiently for him.] Joey: Hey! Chandler: Please tell me you got the message! Joey: What message? Chandler: The actor playing Mac couldn't do it, they needed to see you at 2 o'clock. Joey: What?! It's 6 o'clock! Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Ross's! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches! Joey: I can't believe this Chandler! Chandler: Sorry! I-I-I don't know what to say. Joey: Well you-you-you-you might say congratulations! I saw the board! I went to the audition! I got the part!! Chandler: (angrily) Is that supposed to be funny! I was really worried over here! Joey: Oh, well I'm uh... Chandler: Y'know, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean! Joey: Oh wow! Okay man, I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you feel bad. Chandler: Well that's good. Because you didn't! And I'm incredibly happy for ya!! Joey: (shocked) That's mean! You really had me going there! Chandler: Oh, we could do this all day. Joey: Yeah, you're right. Okay look, listen, let's talk about what a huge star I'm gonna be! Chandler: You are gonna be a huge star! I'm gonna hug ya! Joey: You hug me! Chandler: All right! [What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin' between Chandler and Joey. There's no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, You've Really Got a Hold on Me!] [Cut back to the present, they are still in each other's embrace.] Joey: Hey, do we do this too much? Chandler: I think so. Yeah, get off me. Joey: Yeah. (They separate.) Ending Credits [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.] Joey: Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., I'm not leaving without you! Try routing your backup source through your primary CPU. Phoebe: (overacting badly) I can't! My circuits are fried! They're fried I tell you!! Joey: Wow! (Back to reading the scene.) Well then I'll just have to carry you. (Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, he's overacting too.) Ross: That'll be a neat trick, when you're, (looks at the script) when you're dead! Joey: Ross, you don't have to yell. Ross: There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired. Phoebe: I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like, "Ooh, where'd Ross go?" Ross: Thank you! And I have to say that first scene when you meet Mac... Phoebe: Yeah? Ross: Oh my God. I mean... Joey: Y'know what? I think that's enough for today. Thanks for your help! (He grabs their scripts and heads for his room.) Phoebe: (To Ross) He's holding us back. Ross: Totally.	Plan: A: Joey; Q: Who is up for a role on a low-budget cable TV series? A: "Mac" Machiavelli; Q: What is the name of the character Joey is auditioning for? A: the crime-fighting partner; Q: What is Mac's role in the show? A: C.H.E.E.S.E.; Q: What is the name of the robot that Mac is partnered with? A: Computerised Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer; Q: What does C.H.E.E.S.E. stand for? A: Monica; Q: Who interrupts Chandler as he is writing a note to Joey? A: the apartment; Q: Where did Monica burst into? A: Chandler; Q: Who wrote down the audition date correctly? A: second; Q: What audition did Joey miss because of Monica's interruption? A: another audition chance; Q: What does Joey get after Chandler writes down the audition change? A: six; Q: How many clip show episodes were there over the course of 10 seasons? Summary: Joey is up for a role on a low-budget cable TV series, playing the science fiction hero, "Mac" Machiavelli, the crime-fighting partner of a cool robot, C.H.E.E.S.E., which stands for Computerised Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer. Monica bursts into the apartment, interrupting Chandler as he is writing Joey a note that his second audition has been changed, causing Joey to miss it. The friends reminisce about other instances when they have messed up. Joey gets another audition chance, which Chandler writes down correctly. One of six clip show episodes over the course of 10 seasons.
THE WEB PLANET BILL STRUTTON 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. SAYO PLATEAU (HROSTAR catches up with BARBARA and PRAPILLUS as they find themselves surrounded. Their backs are to a rockface as a ZARBI rears up before them and others join it ready to deal with the fugitives. BARBARA and the two Menoptra run to one side and momentarily away from their pursuers. They find themselves against another rockface.) HROSTAR: Zarbi! BARBARA: We're surrounded. Come on! (She starts to run off but a ZARBI is in front of her. Stepping backwards, she trips and falls against the rockface, which suddenly falls back to reveal a hidden doorway in the rock. HROSTAR and PRAPILLUS help BARBARA to her feet and they run through the newly found entrance. Just as the ZARBI and their larvae guns arrive, the door slides shut again. The larvae gun fires, but it has no effect...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR and VICKI stand motionless, the gold necklaces still adorning them. The ZARBI'S attention is on the light wall and VICKI opens one eye, then the other making sure that they are not observed. She takes off her own necklace and uses it to knock the one off the DOCTOR'S shoulders. She hurriedly places her own dysfunctional and converted necklace back over her shoulders. The DOCTOR falls back slightly as he comes round...) DOCTOR: Ohh! VICKI: Shh! (VICKI holds him up. The old man steadies himself, then stares at her necklace.) DOCTOR: My dear, you're still wearing it. VICKI: Shh! (Whispers.) It's all right. I took a chance and put it on. You've done it! It doesn't work anymore. (They both check that they are still unobserved.) DOCTOR: Oh yes, we must capitalise on your action. Now we know the...necklace no longer works on us, perhaps the force-field has...been reversed. I wonder? If that is so, I can control that necklace... (He holds up his hand.) with this power of my ring! VICKI: What power does it hold? DOCTOR: No, look, look! (The DOCTOR has spotted activity amongst the two ZARBI at the light wall. He and VICKI freeze into immobility. One of the ZARBI comes over to them and briefly examines them. It does not spot that the DOCTOR no longer wears his necklace. It scurries off out of the room, watched carefully by the two captives. The DOCTOR takes the converted necklace off VICKI and places it over his own shoulders...) DOCTOR: Now, this is what I want you to do, child. When you... (The DOCTOR continues whispering instructions to her, whilst across the room, a ZARBI stands immobile.) DOCTOR: Understand? (They freeze back into place. VICKI suddenly staggers forward, play-acting...) VICKI: Oh, what's happened? Where am I? (The ZARBI comes forward and sees the other necklace on the floor at VICKI'S feet. As it bends down to pick it up, the DOCTOR grabs the converted necklace from his own shoulders and forces it over the thorax of the ZARBI. The creature stiffens. The DOCTOR then walks round the creature holding up his ring like a talisman. The ZARBI follows him round.) DOCTOR: Splendid! Splendid! VICKI: (Running forward.) Doctor, you've done it! How marvellous! What next? DOCTOR: Well, I think we shall get our friend to take us out of here. Go outside - keep your eyes open! (VICKI runs to the door to the control room and checks the corridor outside.) VICKI: All clear. (The DOCTOR signals to the creature to turn round and follow them out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR (One ZARBI scuttles along a corridor without seeing the escapees and their escort. They stop at a junction and check round.) VICKI: I thought we'd have seen more of these creatures, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, it appears they have gone to the Plateau. Hmm. VICKI: Well, there's one good thing. At least that spearhead'll make it easier for us to get out here. DOCTOR: Now, don't count your chickens, child! There's quite a lot ahead of us, now...go on, cautiously. (VICKI does so, the DOCTOR signals to their ZARBI to continue following them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. TEMPLE OF LIGHT (BARBARA, in awe, staggers round the chamber in which they have found themselves. Richly decorated with winged murals and statue-like depictions of the Menoptra, the ceiling rises into a tower which BARBARA looks up towards.) BARBARA: It's beautiful, Prapillus! Oh, it's absolutely beautiful! PRAPILLUS: It must be a Temple of Light. The ancient song-spinners of our race sang of their beauty. But I thought they could never be found again. BARBARA: There are others? PRAPILLUS: So the legends say. Sewn into the craters and plateaus of Vortis, been slowly un-woven by the silence of time and their entrances long forgotten by our species. But our Gods have not forgotten us, Harbara, this was indeed deliverance. (HROSTAR runs forward from the entrance.) HROSTAR: There is no sound...the Zarbi have gone. If one of us must explore... BARBARA: No, not yet! They will leave guards. (A voice suddenly cries out. HILIO stands on the other side of the temple with HLYNIA.) HILIO: All is not lost! PRAPILLUS: What are you? HILIO: Spearhead Leader Hilio. HROSTAR: Codewords? HILIO: Electron. HLYNIA: (Running forward.) Prapillus, I brought him. PRAPILLUS: (Delighted to see her.) Hlynia! How? HLYNIA: There was a tunnel on the lower ledge where you left me. What...what happened on the Plateau? HROSTAR: (Sadly.) The spearhead...has failed... HILIO: (Arrogantly.) No! The spearhead must succeed. (He steps forward and past BARBARA, ignoring her...) HILIO: Which is the way back to the Plateau? I will recall my force. PRAPILLUS: No Hilio... BARBARA: (Interrupting.) What force? From what I saw of the battle, your "spearhead" was completely wiped out. HILIO: (With contempt.) Who is this creature? PRAPILLUS: Our ally. (HILIO waves his arms at BARBARA and hisses...) HILIO: I do not trust her. BARBARA: (Sharply.) You have no choice! (HILIO storms off. HLYNIA is upset at this breakdown in relations...) HLYNIA: H...H...H...Hrostar, Prapillius, what shall we do? HILIO: Is it true? Are they all dead? PRAPILLUS: Dead, or prisoners by now. HILIO: (In despair.) Then our main force cannot know where to land. They too will be massacred. The Menoptra...will be no more. (PRAPILLUS paces round the temple, his arms waving in the classic Menoptra style as he quietly assesses the situation.) PRAPILLUS: Hilio, the Menoptra have no wisdom for war. Before the Animus came, the flower forest covered the planet in a cocoon of peace. Our ancestors carved Temples like this for resting places of our dead, but that was all the work we did. There were no other plans to make. (He looks upwards...) Light was our God and we existed in light, flying above thought. (He walks over to HILIO.) Our banishment has taught us of enemies and weapons and my captivity has taught me "strategy". They tore my wings from me and I felt, as you feel, that all was lost. But if our Gods favour our survival, we must learn their lesson and use our brains and not our wings. This "Earth woman" - we must trust, for she can show us how to exist without wings, to survive and flourish. (He turns back to BARBARA.) What should we do? (BARBARA, momentarily stuck for an answer, gathers her thoughts.) BARBARA: Well, erm, er, what would have happened if the spearhead had been successful? HROSTAR: Had...had we met...with no resistance, we were to proceed to the centre of the web and destroy the Animus. BARBARA: How? HILIO: With this. (HILIO steps forward with a small round metallic object.) HILIO: Our wise men designed it for use against the intelligence. PRAPILLUS: A living cell destructor? HILIO: Yes. The web, and the living thing behind it, grows and spreads its evil around Vortis. This destructor, would have reversed the process, made the cells grow inwards and die. HLYNIA: The electron guns failed to work against the Zarbi - would this have failed to? BARBARA: Oh, there's only one way to find out... PRAPILLUS: Attack the Animus? (BARBARA nods.) Can we reach it? HILIO: It cannot work now. We are two few. BARBARA: (Snaps.) The only alternative is to stay here. Perhaps for years. HROSTAR: Both ways...may mean our death. But hope...lies in...(Hisses.) action. PRAPILLUS: Then it's decided. (He takes the Cell Destructor from HILIO'S hands and holds it in the air...) PRAPILLUS: We attack.! (The Menoptra hiss with determination...) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CHAMBER (Far below the surface of Vortis, IAN and VRESTIN exercise their newly freed hands...) VRESTIN: The Optera have promised to help. Heron, can we trust them? IAN: We have no choice. VRESTIN: They have strength down here. Their fears of the surface may grow too strong. IAN: It's better than being thrown into the fire. (HETRA bounds forward and bows down to VRESTIN.) HETRA: These tunnels breeaattthheee hate! And in the centre...grows the root of eevviillll - Poidarac! IAN: Root? VRESTIN: (Explaining.) The Animus. IAN: Take us there. (HETRA jumps round to face NEMINI.) HETRA: Nemini...will...lead. NEMINI: (Jumping forward to face IAN and VRESTIN.) Keep close...to me. (NEMINI turns and bounds across the chamber.) HETRA: (To IAN and VRESTIN.) Come! (IAN and VRESTIN follow HETRA and NEMINI as they, and two other Optera, move out of the chamber and down a tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. VORTIS. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (The DOCTOR and VICKI come out of the CARSENOME with their captive ZARBI. VICKI gets her first proper sight of the surface of Vortis.) VICKI: Hey! (Behind them, the walls of the Carsenome give out a gurgling sound as the tendrils expand.) DOCTOR: Oh! (He tuts.) Most unpleasant! Oh well my dear, so far, so good, hmm? VICKI: Doctor, how are we gonna find the Menoptra? They could be anywhere on this planet. DOCTOR: Yes, the Zarbi's left here to go to the spearhead. (He looks round.) It's just about... (He points to the ground.) Yes with luck we can follow their tracks. Ha ha! VICKI: Oh, yes, look! DOCTOR: Let's get moving. (They walk off, momentarily forgetting their ZARBI which stands immobile. The DOCTOR steps back.) DOCTOR: You may not believe it, but you nearly ended up as lost property! Hmm? (The walls of the Carsenome gurgle again...) DOCTOR: And the same to you! (The DOCTOR walks off, this time the ZARBI follows...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. VORTIS (The DOCTOR, VICKI and their ZARBI trudge across the surface of Vortis. The DOCTOR finds the journey difficult and wipes his brow with his handkerchief.) DOCTOR: Oh, must have a rest child. Ah! (He leans against a crag and waves his face. VICKI sits down on the ground.) VICKI: You know, Doctor... DOCTOR: Mmm? VICKI: (Stroking the ZARBI.) I'm getting quite fond of Zombo. DOCTOR: What? VICKI: Zombo, it's his name. I gave it to him. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, I see, I see. Mm. VICKI: He's quite cute, isn't he, when he's like this. DOCTOR: Well, I haven't noticed it..it..it before, my dear, but since you mention it...it, no I don't think so! VICKI: I've told you before not to judge by appearances. (The DOCTOR laughs.) DOCTOR: Oh, I'll buy you a collar for him at the next stop! (VICKI gets up. They start off.) DOCTOR: But just you remember, child - if we lose him, there's about two hundred or more ahead of us, just like that. Now, come along, come along. (He whistles to the ZARBI to follow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. TUNNEL (The underground expedition reaches a place in the tunnel that is barred by stalagmites and stalactites. HETRA and the other Optera step forward.) HETRA: Break the teeth...of stone. (The Optera break their way through with their crystalline spears. They clear the debris and continue onwards. IAN and VRESTIN follow. IAN coughing in the smoky atmosphere.) IAN: Oh, the air's terrible. VRESTIN: Yes, they are more used to it than we are, Heron. (Ahead, the Optera see that their way is still blocked.) NEMINI: The tunnel...breathes...vapour. HETRA: Not here... (He grunts and looks round.) ...there! (The Optera move in a different direction. NEMINI gestures at the wall they reach.) NEMINI: The wall...is not friendly. We must break it! (IAN comes up.) IAN: What's wrong? HETRA: A silent wall. We must make...m...mouths in it with our weapons. Then it speak more light. Dig Nemini. IAN: Will it stand it? NEMINI: Ha! We try. VRESTIN: (OOV.) Heron! IAN: Coming! (IAN runs back and finds that VRESTIN is partially trapped by a small rock fall. IAN holds the ceiling up with his shoulders whilst he helps VRESTIN through. When he follows, the entire ceiling gives way behind them.) IAN: Now we have to go on. HETRA: Nemini, make mouth of light. VRESTIN: Heron, I cannot breathe... IAN: I know, (Coughs.) the fall... VRESTIN: Breathe... IAN: (He helps VRESTIN to stand.) ...let in more gas. VRESTIN: (Weakly.) Breathe... IAN: (To HETRA.) Dig! HETRA: Dig? IAN: Dig! (NEMINI continues to do just that...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. TEMPLE OF LIGHT (A plan of the Carsenome and its position has been drawn on the floor of the Temple of Light. BARBARA kneels on the floor and explains her plan.) BARBARA: The best idea is still that we...create a mock attack here in the south in order to draw off the Zarbi. Then whilst this is happening, one of us tries to get in the centre from the north. HILIO: (Arrogantly.) It will fail. Even if it drew most of the Zarbi, it would require just one larvae gun to stop the real attack. BARBARA: Then what is your idea? HILIO: I could fly over the Carsenome and try and cut my way in from above. PRAPILLUS: No, the Carsenome is strong and vigorous. It would heal itself before you could cut your way through. BARBARA: Then we're left with the mock attack. (To HILIO.) It isn't perfect, I know, but it's all we have. HILIO: Very well, I will go in alone from the north. HROSTAR: No, I will go. (They hiss at each other and raise their arms as if to fight. HLYNIA runs from the doorway.) HLYNIA: Quiet! There's someone outside! BARBARA: Locks the doors! HROSTAR: Too late! HILIO: Hide! PRAPILLUS: If it's Zarbi, the doors will not open. (But it is a ZARBI that comes through the doors. HILIO runs forward to beat the creature.) DOCTOR: No! (The DOCTOR has followed his captive ZARBI through the doors.) DOCTOR: Do not attack him. He's quite harmless. BARBARA: Doctor! DOCTOR: My dear Barbara. (He glances round the room as VICKI joins him.) DOCTOR: Where is Chesterton, hmm? [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. TUNNEL (The smoky gas is clearing. VRESTIN still supported by IAN, lets out a gasp and a sigh.) IAN: Better? It's clearing. (NEMINI turns to them.) NEMINI: The vapour seeps at our feet. Move...slowly. (HETRA, who has been digging at the rockface, turns...) HETRA: Nemini! Huh! (...and indicates that she should take his place. He jumps over to IAN and VRESTIN.) HETRA: Soon the mouth will...appear. The walls are...thin. (NEMINI lets out a cry as acid starts to pour through a crack she has created in the rock face.) NEMINI: The liquid hate! From above! IAN: The acid pools! Get away! (He moves forward to help her, but HETRA and another Optera push him and VRESTIN back with several grunts.) HETRA: She must block the mouth or we will die! (NEMINI forces her body into the crevice and screams out in agony as the acid starts to eat into her. IAN watches stunned...) HETRA: It is danger...that is always with us. (HETRA and the other OPTERA let IAN and VRESTIN go. Whilst the latter watch, the Optera jump across to the body of their companion, bow and grunt...) HETRA: Poidarac ... (HETRA examines that NEMINI'S sacrifice has worked, then turns to the other Optera.) HETRA: It is well, Try down... (He jumps round.) there. (The other Optera goes down the passage indicated by HETRA to recommence digging. HETRA follows. VRESTIN pauses at NEMINI'S body then also follows. IAN stands silently looking down at NEMINI. The sound of digging can be heard.) VRESTIN: (OOV: from down the passage.) Heron? They have broken the wall. (IAN takes one last look at NEMINI, and then moves to join them... [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. TEMPLE OF LIGHT (BARBARA has been bringing the DOCTOR up to date with events.) DOCTOR: A most detailed report. Hmm. Yes, it's, er, interesting... BARBARA: Will it... DOCTOR: Interesting. BARBARA: Will it work, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, I don't see why not, my dear. (To the Menoptra.) What is in the centre of the web? Hmm? Do you know? HILIO: No. PRAPILLUS: No one knows. An alien from the darkness of space but the shape inside the cocoon... BARBARA: But if it, erm, if it arrived here from another planet, surely some one must have seen it? PRAPILLUS: Our legends of it only begin when it was already thinking itself into the crannies of Vortis and the minds of the Zarbi, spreading its web. DOCTOR: (Almost to himself.) Where does it draw its power from, hmm? PRAPILLUS: Is there is...power in the magnetic pole of the planet. That is where the web has its centre. DOCTOR: Yes, the magnetic pole, I see, I see. You mean it draws and uses...the power from the planet Vortis. PRAPILLUS: (Excited.) Yes Doctor! Their theory would...would explain the new moons that have appeared in the sky. They too are drawn here by this power. DOCTOR: Yes, I wonder why I didn't realise that before? The same force drew and holds the TARDIS here. Yes, of course, ha, ha, ha, it's remarkable, most interesting! (The DOCTOR and PRAPILLUS laugh...) BARBARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? BARBARA: Do you intend to go ahead with the plan? DOCTOR: The plan? The plan - yes, my dear, yes. Yes, but with a slight difference. HROSTAR: How different, hmm? DOCTOR: Yes, I think we'll...go ahead with the mock attack as planned, (To BARBARA.) that will be your responsibility, my dear, a time we shall agree to... BARBARA: Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: (Pointing to the Cell Destructor held by HILIO.) And this...that, I shall take along with me. The girl and I will return to the Zarbi headquarters... (HILIO arrogantly holds the Isop-tope away from the DOCTOR.) HILIO: Our wise men have put all their skill into this one Isop-tope. I cannot yield it to a stranger. HROSTAR: Wait! Can you...take the Isop-tope past the Zarbi guards...in safe...ty? DOCTOR: Of course! I don't see why not? (BARBARA whispers to PRAPILLUS for encouragement.) BARBARA: Prapillus! PRAPILLUS: Hilio, he is the first friend of the Menoptra ever to leave the Carsenome. We must trust...the Doctor. DOCTOR: Thank you. (The DOCTOR bows. With some reluctance, and some great elaboration, HILIO hands the Isop-tope to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Thank you. I have great admiration for your wise men...and their judgement. (To BARBARA.) Now, my dear, is everything quite clear? Hmm? BARBARA: Yes, Doctor. You will to headquarters. Once you're safely there, we start the attack to draw out the Zarbi while you make for the centre. DOCTOR: Precisely, (To VICKI.) come child. VICKI: (Scared.) Doctor, have we got to...? DOCTOR: Oh, now, now, now, cheer up, cheer up. I don't particularly want to go back there myself. Mmm? VICKI: It's all right. I suppose we do have the best chance. Anyway, the TARDIS is still there. PRAPILLUS: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, what is it? What do you want? (To VICKI.) Excuse me... (Leaving VICKI with HYLNIA, he crosses to where PRAPILLUS is with the possessed ZARBI.) DOCTOR: Well, what do you want? PRAPILLUS: I wondered if we could borrow this creature? I think he would be very useful in our attack. DOCTOR: (Haughtily.) Oh, you think so, do you? PRAPILLUS: I have made a study of the Zarbi. I think I could make use of him. DOCTOR: You do? Hmm. Better than I? Mmm? PRAPILLUS: Please, I have no wish to offend, but you don't know the Zarbi as I do. DOCTOR: Er, to control him, you will have to use...my ring. (He holds it up.) That...is of untold value. Mmm? PRAPILLUS: (Shouting.) But what of the value of our Isop-tope? BARBARA: (Stepping forward.) Is, er, anything wrong? DOCTOR: (Hastily.) No! No, my dear, no! PRAPILLUS: A small matter. DOCTOR: (To BARBARA.) Our friend here has suggested that...the creature goes along with your party, hmm? PRAPILLUS: And I was thanking the Doctor for his faith in our Isop-tope! BARBARA: That's a very good idea, Doctor. DOCTOR: (Surprised.) Mmm? (Seeing he has little choice, the DOCTOR takes off his ring and hands it with bad grace to PRAPILLUS.) DOCTOR: Here, take it! PRAPILLUS: May I know its secret? DOCTOR: (Snaps.) You may not! Use it, and return it. PRAPILLUS: Forgive me... DOCTOR: On your life - return it. Hmm? (PRAPILLUS bows his agreement.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (Within the Carsenome, the ZARBI are motionless...) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (The DOCTOR and VICKI make their way back across Vortis to the Carsenome. As they near the entrance, they stop with some trepidation. The DOCTOR passes the Isop-tope to VICKI.) DOCTOR: I think you'd better take this, my child. It'll probably be...less conspicuous with you. Come on. (They walk into the Carsenome.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The ZARBI suddenly jump up as the wall light bursts into life. They stand around the entrance to the room as the DOCTOR and VICKI enter. They find themselves surrounded by the ZARBI and their larvae guns. VICKI holds the Isop-tope.) VICKI: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Give it me child! Give it to me! [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. TUNNEL SHAFT (The underground party reaches the base of a shaft. HETRA speaks to VRESTIN.) HETRA: Poidarac is up above...now. VRESTIN: Heron? What should we do? (IAN steps underneath the shaft and looks upwards.) IAN: We go up. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (The other Menoptra party reaches the Carsenome with their ZARBI "ally".) PRAPILLUS: Harbara, ready for you to give the word. (BARBARA steps forward and looks towards the Carsenome.) BARBARA: We'll wait. Make sure the Doctor has got to the control section. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR, and then VICKI, are thrown to the floor and surrounded. He holds VICKI close. On a nearby wall, a gun-like tendril rises up and spits a ray at them with a hissing noise. VICKI screams. She and the DOCTOR are enclosed in a thick mass of web...)	Plan: A: Vortis; Q: What planet is the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki on? A: the butterfly-like Menoptera; Q: Who are the original denizens of Vortis? A: the moon Pictos; Q: Where did the Menoptera flee to? A: its mind-controlled minions; Q: What is the Animus? A: the ant-like Zarbi; Q: Who are the Animus' minions? A: the larvae guns; Q: What are the Zarbi's living weapons? Summary: On the planet Vortis, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki are swept up in the struggles of the butterfly-like Menoptera, the original denizens of Vortis who were forced to flee the planet for the moon Pictos to escape the encroaching web of the Animus and its mind-controlled minions, the ant-like Zarbi and their living weapons, the larvae guns.
REVENGE OF THE CYBERMEN BY: GERRY DAVIS AND ROBERT HOLMES Part Four Running time: 23:21 [SCENE_BREAK] LESTER: Harry, don't touch it. Open that buckle and you'll be blown to kingdom come. HARRY: You mean it's booby trapped? LESTER: These buckles can't be opened until the Cybermen beam the release signal. DOCTOR: Harry, were you trying to undo this? HARRY: Well, naturally. DOCTOR: Did you make the rocks fall, Harry? HARRY: Er, well, I suppose I must have done, yes. DOCTOR: Harry Sullivan is an imbecile! [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: Progression rate has slowed to thirty metres a minute. LEADER: Then the bombs will explode in eleven minutes from now. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: So where is Sarah? HARRY: I'm not sure, Doctor. When I last saw her, she was trying to get back to the Beacon. DOCTOR: What? HARRY: Yes. You see, we thought you were still up there, and she naturally wanted to warn you about the rocket. Sorry, I can see you're not with me. DOCTOR: Harry, I'm not with you. HARRY: No, you see, it seems that Kellman, er, he's dead, by the way. Kellman was really working for the Vogan people, and he got the other half, the, what do you call them? STEVENSON: Cybermen. HARRY: Cybermen, that's right. Terribly bad on names. Got the Cybermen up on the Beacon so that they'd be sitting ducks for the Vogan's rocket. Only the Vogans haven't finished the rocket yet, so things have gone a bit wrong. DOCTOR: Yes. LESTER: Doctor, we've got about nine minutes. DOCTOR: Listen, listen, listen! Commander, if you were to keep on going towards the centre, you could draw the radar track away from the rest of us. STEVENSON: Yes? DOCTOR: Meantime, Lester and I could take the cross shaft and attack the Cybermen from the rear. LESTER: What with? DOCTOR: Gold. Plain, old-fashioned gold. STEVENSON: Well then, Lester? Agreed. Right. DOCTOR: Good luck, Commander. STEVENSON: And to you. DOCTOR: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: Our surface party report the Vogan attackers have been driven off with heavy casualties. LEADER: Order them to intensify the radar signal. CYBERMAN: It is already at maximum, Leader. LEADER: The signal is difficult to interpret. What depth have the bomb carriers reached? CYBERMAN: Sixteen hundred metres. They are eight minutes from the detonation zone. LEADER: Eight minutes. In eight minutes the accursed Planet of Gold will be utterly destroyed. LEADER: Annihilated, vapourised. It is good. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: How much have we got? LESTER: We've got about five minutes. DOCTOR: I know we've got five minutes. I mean how much gold dust have we got? DOCTOR: That might be enough. You know what to do? HARRY: Yes. Creep as close as we can then chuck this stuff into their chest units. DOCTOR: You've got it, Harry. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] TYRAM: As the human said, recrimination is pointless now. But I promise you, Vorus, if by some miracle our planet should survive, you will face trial for treason. VORUS: It's you who should be tried, Tyram. You and your creeping sycophantinous city. TYRAM: As leader of the Guardians, you abused your trust. You opened the route to the surface. You made clandestine contact with aliens, and you beamed radio transmissions out into space. There are no greater crimes in our calendar. VORUS: In your calendar, Tyram! Your cowering, furtive, underworld life. If we survive, I will face trial gladly. I will give the people my reasons. I wanted to free them from this tyranny of dark, living rock. TYRAM: Living the way we had for generations, at least we were safe, Vorus. Safe from the genocidal threat of the Cybermen. VORUS: I had a dream. TYRAM: A folly, conceived out of arrogance through overweening ambition. VORUS: We could have traded with other worlds, exchanged our gold for armaments. We could have been strong enough to defend ourselves against Cybermen or any other attackers. SHEPRAH: Councillor, we are beaten. Our people withdraw and are refusing to attack the Cybermen again. VORUS: Order them back! Command them! SHEPRAH: I'm sorry, Councillor. We need time to regroup. VORUS: There is no time. TYRAM: Come, I will speak to them. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There they are. Wait till I give the signal. DOCTOR: Ready? DOCTOR: Now. DOCTOR: Come on, Harry. Run for it. DOCTOR: Come on. DOCTOR: It's still working. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: They have lost radar contact. CYBERMAN: Our information flow from the surface has ceased. The countdown has stopped. LEADER: Select video picture of Voga. Detonation by manual control. SARAH: No! No, don't! CYBERMAN: Shall I destroy the human female? LEADER: Detonation now! LEADER: It has failed. Why? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Well, I'm impressed. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Voga. It's still there! LEADER: Yes. For the moment. SARAH: Then your plan failed. The Doctor's beaten you. LEADER: Silence. We have not failed. Our computers are assessing an alternative plan. SARAH: Your best plan is to get off this Beacon before the Vogans (pause) LEADER: Continue. The Vogans? SARAH: Kellman led you into a trap. They've got a rocket aimed right at this LEADER: You lie. SARAH: Well, stick around and LEADER: You lie, because if they had such a rocket, they would have used it by now. SARAH: All I know is when I left, Kellman said the rocket LEADER: Kellman? So they have a rocket, but they have not used it. Logical conclusion, the rocket has a malfunction, therefore this information does not affect our plans. We shall proceed. Voga will be destroyed. [SCENE_BREAK] TYRAM: We are grateful to you, human, for saving Voga. DOCTOR: Oh, please, don't call me human. Just Doctor will do very nicely, thank you. Is that your rocket? VORUS: The Sky Striker, yes. You've delivered our enemies into my hands, Doctor. Magrik, you have news? MAGRIK: Everything is now ready, Vorus. We can start the countdown. VORUS: Excellent. DOCTOR: Er, before you do anything rash, like pressing another button, may I make an alternative suggestion? VORUS: An alternative? DOCTOR: Let me take the transmat back to the Beacon and deal with the Cybermen myself. TYRAM: Yourself? You mean, alone? DOCTOR: Give me just fifteen minutes. If at the end of that time I haven't come through on the radio, well then you can fire off your rocket. TYRAM: You've already done so much. Why should you risk your life again in this way? DOCTOR: I've a young friend on the Beacon. Sarah Jane, the girl who was here. She risked her life to save mine. The least I can do is accept the same risk for her. VORUS: Bah. DOCTOR: Just fifteen minutes. Is that so intolerable? TYRAM: Fifteen minutes then, Doctor, but no longer. DOCTOR: Thank you, Tyram. There's just one other thing I need. TYRAM: What's that? DOCTOR: A bag of gold dust. TYRAM: Oh, yes. DOCTOR: Thank you. Harry. HARRY: Doctor? DOCTOR: While I'm gone, you'd better find the Commander. HARRY: I'll try. VORUS: I have planned for this moment for years, and now as I close the trap you expect me to wait. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: Point of impact. CYBERMAN: Twenty seven degrees seven minutes north, a hundred and sixty degrees twenty minutes east. The crust is weakest at this point. LEADER: Velocity at impact, ten thousand light units. CYBERMAN: Calculations indicate at maximum thrust, the Beacon will attain that velocity seven minutes before impact. LEADER: What explosive force is required to sunder the planet at that depth? CYBERMAN: One thousand kilos per unit. LEADER: Excellent. Then the plan will be executed. CYBERMAN: Yes, Leader. LEADER: Order the bombs to be transferred to the Beacon. LEADER: The alternative plan will work. When the Beacon crashes into Voga, we shall be watching from a safe distance, but you will have a much closer view. SARAH: Doc DOCTOR: (hiding) Shush. SARAH: Sorry. DOCTOR: You haven't seen anything of the TARDIS, have you? SARAH: TARDIS? Listen, Doctor, the Cybermen are loading this Beacon with bombs. They're going to smash it into Voga. DOCTOR: Are they? And we've got about nine minutes before the Vogans aim their rocket at us. Get the control box. We'll see what we can do. SARAH: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? SARAH: It's good to see you. DOCTOR: Is it? SARAH: Yes. DOCTOR: Oh. Right. Come on, quickly then. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: Carry the bombs to the nose cone. Maximum urgency imperative. [SCENE_BREAK] MAGRIK: Seven minutes, Vorus. VORUS: What can the Doctor do in this time? We should never have agreed to wait. TYRAM: Stand back from the firing button, Vorus! There is, as Magrik says, another seven minutes. VORUS: Don't worry, Tyram. I can wait. But when I press that button, it will mean more than the end of the Cybermen. It will mean the start of a whole new life here on Voga. A new regime. TYRAM: That will be for the people to decide. VORUS: This was my idea, I planned it all. I shall be the people's liberator. TYRAM: You came very close to being their destroyer. VORUS: That will be forgotten in my triumph. The people will turn to me. They will beg me to lead them! HARRY: Any news from the Doctor? VORUS: No, and I don't expect there will be. MAGRIK: Five minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: There's no point filling it with gold dust. It won't attack the Cybermen. DOCTOR: Just you wait and see. SARAH: What was that? DOCTOR: They've started the engines. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: She has been freed. One of her friends from Voga. Perhaps the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: All engines normal. Zero thrust. LEADER: Increase ten levels. If it was the Doctor, he will make a further attempt to thwart my plan. Therefore he will still be concealed aboard. Search the forward compartments. Locate and destroy all animal organisms. CYBERMAN: Control response normal. Engine response effective. Thrust five thousand. LEADER: Engage hyperdrive. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Listen. DOCTOR: Come on, let's hide. SARAH: You did it. DOCTOR: Looks like it. SARAH: Hurry! DOCTOR: Dusty death. Out, out with SARAH: Doctor! DOCTOR: What? SARAH: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] VORUS: Control to firing bunker. Stand by for countdown. TYRAM: We have another two minutes. VORUS: The countdown MAGRIK: Vorus! Look. The target sensor, it's moving. VORUS: The Beacon's in motion! MAGRIK: It's coming towards us! It's set on a collision course! VORUS: Activate firing controls! HARRY: Vorus, you promised the Doctor fifteen minutes. STEVENSON: Vorus! VORUS: You fools! STEVENSON: No, Vorus. TYRAM: No, Vorus, no! VORUS: My Sky Striker, my glory. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: We must evacuate the Beacon in three minutes. CYBERMAN: Our calculations indicate the fireball will extend one point five million miles. SARAH: Oh! Doctor! DOCTOR: All right, all right, all right. You've made your point. We surrender. We surrender. LEADER: You have interfered once too often, Doctor. LEADER: Now, tie her up. Tie her up! [SCENE_BREAK] TYRAM: The Doctor's time's up. He's failed. STEVENSON: I'm afraid so. HARRY: I wouldn't be too sure, Commander. STEVENSON: His only chance now is to get off the Beacon by the transmat. The rocket is due to impact in six minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] LEADER: The Beacon is approaching Voga at ten thousand light units. It is time for us to leave. DOCTOR: Bye bye. LEADER: You two are especially privileged. You are about to die in the biggest explosion ever witnessed in this solar system. It will be a magnificent spectacle. Unhappily, you will be unable to appreciate it. DOCTOR: Nice sense of irony. I thought for a moment he was going to smile. SARAH: How long have we got, Doctor? DOCTOR: Judging by the speed at which the rocket is approaching, two or three minutes. SARAH: The Vogan rocket? DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. [SCENE_BREAK] STEVENSON: They're getting away! TYRAM: Then the Sky Striker will simply destroy the empty Beacon. HARRY: If it is empty. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Oh, it's no good, Doctor. They won't budge. DOCTOR: Hmm? I used to untangle Turk's Head eye-splice with the grommets I picked up from Houdini. It should work. SARAH: Really. Well, you must have tied it wrong. No, wait a minute. You're right, they're loosening! DOCTOR: Good girl. That rocket's getting too close for comfort. DOCTOR: Hello, Voga. Hello, Voga. This is Nerva Beacon. STEVENSON (OOV.): Doctor, is that you? DOCTOR: Commander, tell Vorus the Cybermen have abandoned the beacon. He's to aim the rocket at the cybership. [SCENE_BREAK] STEVENSON: But Doctor, Vorus is dead, and none of us here knows how to operate these controls. DOCTOR (OOV.): What? Just let me think. STEVENSON: Let you what? HARRY: Just let him think. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Doctor, it's going to hit any second! DOCTOR: Commander? STEVENSON (OOV.): Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: There are two levers on the left of the panel. Got them? [SCENE_BREAK] STEVENSON: Yes, I've got them. DOCTOR (OOV.): The top lever controls the angle of flight, and the lower one must be the direction and stabiliser control. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Cogito ergo sum. SARAH: What? DOCTOR: I think, therefore it missed. SARAH: Yes, but we're still heading for the biggest bang in history! DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Oh no. They've locked the gyro controls. The flight trimmers are jammed. SARAH: What does that mean? DOCTOR: It means we're heading for the biggest bang in history. [SCENE_BREAK] TYRAM: The rocket is closing on the Cybermen's ship. HARRY: A touch more starboard rudder, Commander. STEVENSON: Come on. Just a few more seconds. [SCENE_BREAK] CYBERMAN: There's a missile on our port bow. LEADER: Engage full thrust! Deploy [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: That's the end of your Cybermen. TYRAM: Never again will they be a threat to Voga. At least we can live without fear. STEVENSON: Why doesn't the Doctor put the Beacon back on course? I thought he was taking evasive action, but look, he's coming straight towards us. HARRY: Better give him a whistle, Commander. He does have these absent minded moments. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY (OOV.): Hello, Doctor, can you hear me? SARAH: Yes, Harry. What is it? HARRY (OOV.): Hello, Sarah. Look old girl, I don't know if you're aware of it, but you appear to be heading straight for us! SARAH: Yes, we are aware of it, Harry. Very much so, and we're loaded with cyberbombs. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: What? Well, you'd better do something, old girl, and quickly. SARAH (OOV.): The Doctor's doing his best, but [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: The Cybermen have locked the gyro controls. [SCENE_BREAK] STEVENSON: It's still coming straight towards us. TYRAM: It's going to hit. It's going to hit! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: That should do it. SARAH: We're going to crash! DOCTOR: Hang on. If I pull her back at this speed, she'll break in half. DOCTOR: Yes, I think she'll settle down nicely into orbit now. SARAH: Oh, good. DOCTOR: I think I'll just set the drift compensators. We don't want it slipping through our fingers. HARRY: I see old faithful turned up after all. SARAH: Hi. DOCTOR: Don't just stand there. Come on. SARAH: Oh, all go, isn't it. DOCTOR: I'm needed back on Earth. SARAH: How do you know? DOCTOR: I left the Brigadier a space-time telegraph system and told him not to use it unless he had a real emergency on his hands. SARAH: And he's used it? DOCTOR: He has. Come on, you two. HARRY: I say, what about the Commander? Aren't we going to stop and say cheerio? DOCTOR (OOV.): Come on! SARAH: Don't argue.	Plan: A: the Cybermen's relay device; Q: What do the Doctor, Harry and Lester try to destroy? A: Sarah; Q: Who is still on board Nerva when the Vogans prepare to destroy it? Summary: The Doctor, Harry and Lester try to destroy the Cybermen's relay device, while the Vogans prepare to destroy Nerva even though Sarah is still on board.
Teleplay by: Daniel Cerone and Krista Vernoff [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Paige is there singing to Wyatt in his bassinet.] Paige: (singing) "Hush little baby don't you cry, aunty's gonna buy you a pumpkin pie. And if that pie doesn't taste real good, aunty's gonna buy some other kind of food. (Paige's date, Nate, stands at the doorway to the parlor.) And if that food doesn't fill your tummy..." (Nate claps lightly.) Nate: He's a lucky baby. (Paige walks over to him.) Paige: Sorry, it's the only thing I can soothe him now days. Nate: Why would you be sorry? Paige: Because normally I don't like to embarrass myself until the fifth or sixth date. (They sit down on the couch.) Yeah. Nate: Humiliate? Why? You've got a great voice. Better than most of the singers I book at the club. Paige: Oh, you're just being sweet. Not that I mind sweet. Nate: Well, what do you like to sing? Paige: Uh, something called eighth grade, graduation. I was supposed to sing the school song. Eight hundred people were watching, the band is playing, I get up but no sound comes out of my mouth. I completely froze. To make matters worse, I ran out and missed my own graduation. Nate: No. Paige: Yeah. Nate: I think the eighth grade sort of sucks for everybody. Paige: Yeah, mine just kinda sucked publicly. (They kiss.) That was nice, I haven't had that in a while. Nate: Had what? Paige: Well, I like talking to you. Nate: I like talking to you to. Paige: And I like kissing you. Nate: Kissing's good. Paige: And I'm kind of nervous. Nate: Me too. Paige: I should get you more wine. Nate: I'll get it. It's in the kitchen, right? (Nate kisses Paige quickly and heads for the kitchen. A Kazi demon appears from behind Paige and grabs her head. Thick veins travel through her head and she moans in pain. She orbs out of his grip and orbs back in across the room.) Paige: Leo! Piper! Help! (Leo and Piper orb in wearing evening clothes.) Piper: What the... (The Kazi demon heads for Paige and Piper quickly blows him up. The rug catches alight. Paige rushes over and stomps it out.) Leo: Are you okay? Paige: Get out! Get out! Nate's he... (Nate walks into the room carrying a glass of wine.) Here. Leo: Hey, Nate, buddy, how you doing? Nate: Good, good, I didn't here you come in. Piper: Yeah, how about that. Kinda like magic. (Piper looks at Paige.) [Scene: Crone's Lair. It's dark. The only source of light is a dozen of lit candles. A burst of fire appears in the room and the Kazi demon appears on the floor. He roars and looks around.] Kazi: (angrily) What? Where am I? (He stands up.) Crone: You're back from the dead, dear. Kazi: What? How? Crone: A simple thank you will suffice. Kazi: Wait a minute, who are you? Crone: Let's not strain your mind with too much information. All I want in exchange for your life, is a meeting with your king. Kazi: My king? He'll never agree to it. Crone: Or I could put you back where I found you. Tell your king that if he works with me, I'll serve him all three Charmed Ones on a platter. Kazi: You're after the Charmed Ones? Crone: No, dear. I'm after their baby. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. There are boards with paper pinned to them. Piper, Phoebe and Wyatt are there. Phoebe is talking on her cell phone. Piper is trying to take photos of Wyatt who is lying on some pillows on the chair.] Phoebe: Yes, Jason, I'm meeting with the syndication consultants today. But I've been doing some preliminary research and we've got Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and E. Jean. Piper: (to Wyatt) Okay, ready? (She takes the picture. Wyatt doesn't smile.) Phoebe: But if Atlanta folds, the south will be mine. Piper: I bore him. (Piper makes a face at Wyatt, trying to get him to smile.) Phoebe: Yeah, well, I don't care if the south thinks my column is too edgy, okay. I think the south could use a little edge. (Phoebe notices the burnt spot on the carpet from the Kazi vanquish.) (whispers to Piper) What is that? What is that? Piper: Kazi vanquish. Phoebe: Another one? Piper: Paige is on it. Phoebe: (on phone) Yes, of course I'm excited. Can't you tell that I'm excited? I just miss you. When are you coming home? Piper: Okay, mummy's got one last picture left. Are you ready? Here we go. Smile, smile, smile, one, two, three. (She takes the picture.) Alright, I give up. (Leo walks in carrying a baby outfit.) Leo: Hey, big guy, you wanna do the popcorn machine? (Wyatt smiles and laughs. Piper stands up and Leo sits down in her place.) Oh, yes, he does. (Wyatt laughs.) Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop. Piper: Yeah, see, now he smiles. Leo: Okay, let's get you ready for the fair, okay? Piper: I'm telling you, it's not gonna fit. Nothing fits anymore and if he keeps growing at this rate, we're gonna have to send him off to college by next week. (Leo holds up the baby outfit.) Leo: Well, he will in these, I just got them yesterday. Piper: Uh-huh. (Leo starts to unbutton Wyatt's outfit. Wyatt starts to fuss.) Piper: Are you hurting him? Leo: No, he's just hungry. Piper: Are you sure? Phoebe: (on phone) Hang on a sec. (She picks up a bottle and hands it to Leo.) (to Piper) That's his hungry cry. Leo: Thanks. Piper: People, I am a terrible mother. I am bad at this. I don't even recognise my own child's cries. Leo: It's a subtle difference. Piper: Okay, well, what about this maternal bond I hear so much about? (They hear an explosion coming from the attic.) Phoebe: (on phone) Jason, I gotta call you back. Piper: Paige? [Cut to the attic. Paige is there making a potion. Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk in.] Piper: Everything okay? Paige: Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life. Phoebe: You're making a love potion? Paige: No, I'm making a stun potion. Piper: So, that lovers will be stunned by you? Paige: No, so Kazis will be stunned by me. Phoebe: You're in love with a Kazi demon? Paige: Try to stay with me, people. I am making a stun potion so that I can maybe have a date that doesn't end with, "Nate, you gotta leave. I have to clean some demon guts off the ceiling." Phoebe: Nate, much cuter than a Kazi demon. (Paige hands them a vial of potion.) Paige: The potion you hold in your hand is designed to stun, but not kill Kazis. Piper: But I so enjoy killing them. Paige: Yes, but since the Kazi king creates his demon minions out of his own body... Phoebe: If we get the king, then we get the Kazis. Piper: But we don't know where the king is. Paige: Yes, but that's why I did the stun potion, so if we capture one of his minions, we can torture him... Phoebe: Then the king will feel the pain and come in for the rescue. Piper: Or the minion will break and spill his guts on the whereabouts of the king. Phoebe: Mm. Piper: Aha! Paige: Okay, the finishing sentence thing, not cute. Phoebe: We're just trying to tell you it's a good plan, an oldie, but a goodie. (Leo walks in with Wyatt.) Leo: Okay, let's go, guys. The fair waits for no witch. Phoebe: Oh, no, the fair's today? I have to wor... Piper: No, you will not finish that sentence. We are going to the fair as a family, you promised. Phoebe: I know I did, and I really, really wanna go, but the syndication meeting is this afternoon. Piper: Do you really wanna miss Wyatt's first street fair? He doesn't have a lot of firsts left, you know. Paige: Yeah, he does. He's got his first date, first bad grade, first backfired spell. Many, many firsts. Phoebe: I'll bring my cell phone. Paige: Bring the potions too, just in case. Phoebe: Got mine. [Scene: Crone's Lair. Crone is there, stirring a large cauldron. The Kazi King appears and roars.] Kazi King: How dare you summon me here? Do you have any idea who you're dealing with? Crone: Save your threats, they bore me. Are you interested in the Charmed Ones, or not? Kazi King: What exactly do you propose? Crone: A partnership, but you'll get all the credit for the kill. The power, glory you've been seeking, yes? Kazi King: And what will you get? Crone: I'll get my hands on the child. Kazi King: There's a law. Killing that child is punishable by death. Crone: I know, I wrote the law. And I have no intention of killing him. Kazi King: Then why? Crone: I had a vision. A mere taste of the future, of the child, of power like we've never known. But I didn't see enough. I need to know more. (She picks up a monkey totem.) I must lay hands on the child. Which is why I'm going to help you take out the witches. Kazi King: How? Crone: With this ancient magic, I can both weaken them and gain their child's trust. [Scene: Street Fair. Wyatt is fast asleep in Leo's arms. Piper videotapes them as they stand in front of a pony.] Leo: Come on, Wyatt, wake up. Come on. Pony, see, pony. Why don't you take him over to see the clown? Piper: No, clowns are scary, and besides, balloons are a no-no for infants. Leo: Come on, Piper, put the camera away, you're missing all the fun. Piper: Taking pictures of him is fun for me. I mean, if you want to talk to someone about missing out, talk to Phoebe. (Leo turns around and sees Phoebe near by talking on her phone.) Phoebe: Hi, Elise. No, I'm not on my way yet. (A mime follows Phoebe and copies her moves.) I'm at a fair with my nephew. Well, yeah, of course I'm gonna be at the meeting. (A crowd of people gather around and laugh at Phoebe and the mime.) I will be there, I will be ready, I will be on. Yeah. I know, I know. (Paige walks over to Phoebe holding some cotton candy. She taps her on the shoulder and points to the mime. Phoebe turns around.) You know what? Let me call you back, let me call you back. (She hangs up.) Paige: Kinda sad when a mime is making fun of your phone usage. (to the mime) Everyone hates mimes, you do know that, don't you? (She gives the cotton candy to the mime and they walk over to Piper and Leo. They stand near a booth where a Capuchin monkey is sitting on top of it.) Phoebe: Okay, so I have five minutes. Is there a ride I can go on with him real quick? Paige: Okay, that's pathetic. Piper: Phoebe, you are pencilling in rides with your nephew? For crying out loud, it's Saturday. Phoebe: I know, but I think I'm gonna be working Saturdays from now on. Do you think I'm happy about this? There are many things I have been in my life. Workaholic is not one of them. Paige: If you're not happy with it, why are you doing it? Phoebe: Who says I'm not happy? Leo: You just did. Phoebe: Oh. Piper: I blame your very handsome, but very pushy boyfriend. Phoebe: National syndication is a huge opportunity and yes, it was Jason's idea, but I agreed to it. And I am happy, I'm really happy. (Her phone rings.) Ohh. (She answers it.) Hello? Yeah, okay. (Suddenly, the monkey sitting on top of the booth, jumps onto Phoebe's shoulder.) Whoa! (The monkey touches Phoebe's ear. It then jumps onto Paige's shoulder.) Paige: Don't like monkeys! (The monkey touches Paige's mouth. The crowd laughs and giggles at the monkey. It then jumps on Piper's shoulder.) Phoebe: (on phone) Let me call you back. Leo, germs, cover the baby. (The monkey touches Piper's eyes and jumps off.) Piper: Alright. (Wyatt starts to whimper.) Leo: I don't think Wyatt liked mister monkey. Did he scare you? He did, he scared you. Piper: It's okay. Is he hungry? Phoebe: No, that's his tired cry. Leo: Yeah, I think he's just over stimulated. Maybe we should go home. Piper: Alright, you guys are the experts. Um, why don't you orb and I'll go develop this film. Leo: Okay, we'll walk you to the car. (Piper rubs her eyes.) Piper: I think that stupid monkey got dust in my eye. Phoebe: Do you hear that ringing? (Paige clears her throat. They walk away. The monkey on top of the booth disappears.) [Cut to Crone's Lair. Crone is there. The monkey appears and jumps onto Crone's shoulder.] Crone: All done? (The monkey makes a noise.) Good boy. (She feeds the monkey a treat and it jumps down from her shoulder. The Kazi King walks out of the shadows.) Kazi King: It's time then. I can send my warrior in. Crone: No, the witches are infected. But the monkey's curse are designed to punish, so it won't take their senses until the moment the witches need them the most. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Bay Mirror. A Room. Elise and three other people are sitting at a table. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Hi. Elise: There you are. Phoebe: Yes, I'm so sorry. Elise: Uh, Phoebe, this is Mark Roberts with the syndicators. Phoebe: Hello. (Phoebe shakes his hand.) Elise: Laura Robbins with marketing. Laura: Hi. Phoebe: How are you? Elise: And, uh, Richard Jean our image consultant. Phoebe: Richard. Hi. (Phoebe sits down.) I'm so glad you guys could make it, thank you so much. Jason tells me you're the best at what you do and I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Elise: Glad you could make it. Phoebe: I'm really sorry. Do you hear that buzzing? Richard: Well, if I can start. I would just like to dive in with a congratulations, Phoebe. I lo-huh-ove your column. And I also wanna say I'm not only an image consultant but I'm a fan as well. (Phoebe leans in closer.) Phoebe: I'm sorry. Richard: I said I'm a fan. Phoebe: Oh! That's sweet, thank you so much. Thank you. (She rubs her ear.) Richard: I think you're beautiful, stylish, approachable. That's why I don't want to alter your look to much. Phoebe: Author a book? Wow! I don't know if I'm ready for that. You know, one step at a time. Richard: I'm sorry? Phoebe: What? Richard: I'm sorry, sometimes I mumble. I said your look, not your book. Phoebe: Oh, right, the hook. Yeah, to be honest with you, she has the answers, it's kind of lame, right? Any ideas? Richard: Uh, well, I mainly do image. Laura: Actually, I'm the advertising consultant. (Phoebe leans in and tries to hear them. Elise touches her shoulder and Phoebe looks at her.) Elise: (mouths) Are you okay? (Phoebe freaks out and stands up.) Phoebe: Uh, I-I'm, I think I'm gonna have to leave because I'm not really feeling too well. (She walks backwards.) So thank you... (Phoebe runs into a picture sitting on a stand.) Um... (She leaves.) Elise: Phoebe! [Scene: Piano Bar. A band is playing. Paige is on a date with Nate.] Nate: You look beautiful. Paige: You've already said that. Nate: Yeah, but you look crazy beautiful, so it bears repeating. Paige: Okay, now I'm blushing and my lipstick won't match my cheeks. Nate: Well, since you're already blushing, I have a little bit of surprise for you. But don't hate me, alright? Paige: You're not gonna propose are you? Nate: No. Paige: In that case, I like surprises. Nate: Good. (Nate clicks his fingers and a man walks over to the microphone on stage.) Man: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you tonight, to make your happy hours just a little happier. Local girl, Paige Matthews, in her debut. (Everyone claps.) Paige: Are you kidding? Nate: Come on, I thought you liked surprises. Paige: This is a bad surprise, bad. Nate: Eighth grade was a long time ago, Paige. Come on. (He holds her hand and takes her up to the stage.) Paige: Uh, yeah, but that turned out to be the worst day of my life. All my friends laughed at me, Bobby Maynard dumped me. Nate: You dated a guy named Bobby Maynard? Paige: That is not the point. (She coughs.) Look, I'm already losing my voice. This-this is the sound of panic. Nate: Look, Paige, you don't have to sing if you don't want to. You just strike me as the type of girl who likes to face her fears, not run from them. (Paige gives in and Nate sits back down. Everyone claps. Paige gets up on stage and whispers something to the pianist. She stands in front of the microphone.) Paige: This one is for all the Bobby Maynard in the world. (The pianist starts playing.) "Isn't it..." (She clears her throat and tries again. Nothing comes out. She has lost her voice. She panics and races out of the room.) Nate: Paige, wait. [Scene: Piper's car. Piper is driving along the road. Her phone rings and she answers it.] Piper: Paige? (She hears beeping.) Paige, is that you? (She hears more beeps. She looks down at the phone and her vision starts to go blurry. She drops the phone. She drives the car into the other lane, nearly crashing into the car beside her. Drivers beep their horns. She blinks several times but her vision disappears completely. She runs off the road and smashes into a tree.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living Room. Phoebe is there turning the volume up on the TV. She can't hear a thing. She gives up and turns off the TV. She walks through the house.] Phoebe: Paige! Piper! If you're here, I need you to come out into the open and like, flag me down or something, okay? (Paige walks in behind her. Phoebe continues to walk through the house and Paige tries to catch up with her and get her attention.) Hello? Oh, anyone? Hello! (Phoebe walks into the kitchen. Paige throws her bag at a vase and it smashes. Phoebe doesn't hear it. Paige orbs out.) [Cut to the kitchen. Paige orbs in, in front of Phoebe.] Paige: (mouths) What are you doing? Phoebe: (yells) I lost my hearing during the biggest of my life! I can't hear a thing! (Paige motions to Phoebe to quieten down.) What!? I can't hear you! (Paige motions again to quieten down and points to her ear. Phoebe lowers her voice.) Oh, okay, okay. I need your help. Magic has got to be behind this. (Paige scratches her head and side and acts like a monkey.) What are you doing? Oh, I get it! I get it! Charades! Okay, ya, ya. (Paige acts like a monkey again.) You're a monkey. (Paige nods.) Okay. You're a monkey. (Paige gets a ferocious look on her face.) Ooh, you're an angry monkey. You're pissed, you're... PMS monkey? (Paige shakes her head.) No, no, of course not. Okay. (Paige makes an invisible ball with her hands and throws it.) Ball? (She then makes an explosion with her hands.) Fireball! (She acts out the monkey again and the fireball.) A demon monkey stole my hearing! (Paige points to her mouth.) And your voice too? (Paige nods.) Oh, honey! (They hug. Paige pulls a face.) [Cut to the conservatory. Leo orbs in with Piper and Wyatt.] Piper: I don't understand why you can't heal my eyes. Leo: I don't know, your vision is just gone. [Cut to the kitchen. Paige hears Piper and Leo's voices.] Phoebe: You hear something? (Paige motions talking with her hand.) You hear puppets? [Cut to the conservatory. Leo helps Piper sit down.] Leo: I'll find Phoebe and Paige after I put the baby down. Piper: Where am I? Leo: In the conservatory. Just try to stay calm and try not to worry. (Piper sighs.) [Cut to the kitchen.] Phoebe: You hear voices, voices. (Paige pulls Phoebe out of the kitchen.) [Cut to the conservatory. Phoebe and Paige walk in.] Phoebe: Piper! (Piper gets up and walks straight pass them.) Piper: I'm so glad you're hear. (She stands in front of a map on a stand.) I can't see a thing and I wrapped my car around a pole and... Phoebe: Piper! Piper: I know it sounds crazy but I think it has something to do with that mangy monkey. Phoebe: Piper! Piper: Where are you? (Piper turns around and hits a table.) Ow! Who put that there? Phoebe: Oh my god, Piper, you're blind! (Paige gives Phoebe a look.) Piper: Yeah, Phoebe, I just said that. Now can we talk about how a monkey could do that? Phoebe: What did she say? Piper: What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything. (Paige writes down "How?" on a notepad and shows it to Phoebe.) He covered my eyes and stole my eyesight. Phoebe: (yells) I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes! Piper: Ugh, Phoebe, are you listening to me? That's just what I said. You are acting like you can't even hear me. Phoebe: (yells) Oh, Piper, it's no use. I can't even hear you. The monkey stole my hearing. Piper: Oh, he got you too? Which means somebody sent that flea-infested primate after us. We've gotta find Paige. (Paige claps.) Why are you clapping? This is not funny. Phoebe: What's the matter, Paige? Piper: Paige? Where's Paige? (Piper walks across the room and Phoebe and Paige grab each of her arms. Leo walks in.) Leo: What's going on? Piper: Huh! (Piper covers her eyes. Paige covers her mouth and Phoebe covers her ears.) Leo: I see. Piper: Well, I don't. Where is Paige? Leo: Uh, she just can't talk. Phoebe: (yells) Excuse me! This is either someone's sick, sick joke, or someone's working on a massive evil plan! Leo: Whatever it is, you guys are in danger without your senses. (Phoebe looks at Leo trying to read his lips.) Piper, you're the most vulnerable. So I want you to stay next to Wyatt, his force field will protect you. Piper: Okay. Leo: Paige, a Kazi attack could be deadly right now. Make sure we're stocked up on stun potion. (Paige leads Piper over to the stairs.) Piper: Where are we going? Leo: Phoebe, check the Book of Shadows, see what you can find out about evil monkeys and demons who control them. (Phoebe nods her head even though she has no idea what Leo just said.) Come on. (Paige and Piper reach the stairs and Piper falls flat on her face.) Piper: Ohh! Paige! [Scene: Crone's Lair. Crone and the Kazi King are there.] Kazi King: First we wait on a monkey and now what? What are we waiting on now? Crone: You're waiting on me. Get used to it. Unlike you, I don't charge in like a wild bull. I prefer to take my time... and succeed. Kazi King: I say enough time has passed. Crone: Perhaps. First we need to find out if the monkey's magic has taken effect. If so, you can send in your warrior while I make my move for the baby. Kazi King: How do we figure out if the monkey has done his job? Crone: Common sense. Kazi King: You dare mock me? Crone: On occasion, but not at the moment. This totem was created to trap senses, but with my magic I can borrow what's inside here. Kazi King: So that's what this is all about? You want to steal the Charmed Ones' senses. Why? Crone: You'd be surprised what you can do with a set of eyes, a pair of ears, a voice. You might even be able to trick an infant into believing you're one of the family. Now... let's see that beautiful baby boy. (Her eyes glow.) [Cut to the manor. Piper's Room. Piper is sitting on the bed holding Wyatt. Wyatt whimpers.] Piper: Okay, little guy, what is it? What is it? Do we need a diaper change? (She checks his diaper.) No, not that. Okay. Um, how about the popcorn machine? That always works for daddy, right, right? Okay, here we go. Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop. No popping. Okay, forget the popping. Okay, it's alright. (She hears footsteps.) Hello? Leo? (Leo walks in.) Leo: Yeah. Just came to check on you. (He sits on the bed beside her.) How'd you know it was me? Piper: Well, you shuffle your feet. You're a shuffler. Leo: Looks like your other senses are already taking over for your vision. Piper: Uh-huh. Not fast enough. Okay, tell me what I'm doing wrong here. Leo: Uh, well, that fussy noise usually means gas. Try putting him over your shoulder. Piper: Okay. (She positions Wyatt over her shoulder.) Alrighty. Here we go, oh, I know. Leo: Better? Piper: No, not better. I don't know all his tricks and noises like you guys do. And at least before I could see him. Leo: Well, the love is there, the rest will follow. You know, it's just a myth that all mothers instantly bond with their children. Piper: Well, I'm not worried about all other mothers, I'm worried about this one. Leo: From where I stand, you look like a pro, he's already calmed down. Piper: He has? Oh, he has. Okay, good. Phoebe's Voice: Leo! Bring Piper up here, I think we found something! Piper: Here, take him. (She hands Wyatt to Leo.) I don't want him left alone for a second while this stuff is going on here, okay? (Piper makes her way into the hallway and steps on a squeaky toy. She gasps. She bends down and feels around for it. She picks it up and heads for the stairs, passing Crone on the way. Crone takes the monkey totem and it glows, letting her hear what is being said in the attic.) Phoebe's Voice: The monkey didn't come after us on his own. Someone very powerful is behind all of this. [Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe is looking through the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: The question is who? (Piper walks in.) Piper: Hello? Anybody in here? Give me a sign. (Paige bangs on the table.) Alright, speak and spell. Tell me what you two know. (Piper reaches out to feel where she's going and knocks some books onto the floor. Phoebe looks up from the book. Piper makes her way through the room and touches Paige. Paige writes 'News?' on a notepad and holds it up.) Phoebe: Oh. Okay, listen to this. "Centuries ago, a sorcerer created a monkey to steal his enemies senses, only the sorcerer mistreated the little fella, so the monkey stole his master's voice and was turned into a wooden totem as punishment." Piper: So this whole monkey business about, you know, speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil is a real thing? Phoebe: (yells) What? Piper: Never mind. Read my lips. Is there anything in here that will get our senses back? Phoebe: Piper, I can't hear you! Piper: Ugh. What do we do? (Paige writes "Kill Monkey" on a notepad and holds it up.) Phoebe: (yells) Oh, Paige is proposing violence against the monkey! Piper: Well, I'm inclined to agree, but I really think the monkey is the least of our worries. Phoebe: (yells) Yeah, I didn't hear what you just said but if you were wondering who was behind this I was about to look in the book. (Piper gives her two thumbs up. Phoebe's cell phone vibrates and she looks at the caller ID.) Oh, no, it's Elise. Piper, you're the only one that can talk to her. Tell her I'm sick. (She hands Piper the phone.) Tell her, tell her... Piper: I got it, I got it, I got it. Okay. (She answers the phone.) Hello? Hi, Elise. Uh, Phoebe? Yeah, she's here, she's lying down. (The Kazi demon appears behind Piper and Phoebe.) Um, I don't know. Inner ear infection maybe? (Paige sees the demon and bangs on the table.) Shh! (on phone) Oh, no, not you. Paige: (mouths) Phoebe! Piper: We've just got workers banging around here all day. (Phoebe sees the Kazi demon dive towards her and she levitates out of the way. He goes crashing into a table.) What is going on over there? Phoebe: Kazi demon! Piper: Gotta go! (Piper hangs up.) Phoebe: Three o'clock! Six o'clock! Twelve o'clock! (Paige grabs a potion off the table. Piper blows up the table beside Paige and sends Paige flying across the room.) Piper: Did I get him? (Phoebe grabs Piper's arms.) [Cut to Piper's room. Leo is there reading a book. He hears noises coming from the attic.] Leo: Wyatt, danger. (Wyatt's force field surrounds him. Leo gets up and runs out of the room. Crone walks in.) [Cut to the attic. The Kazi demon runs across the room. Phoebe points Piper's hands in the direction of the Kazi and she tries to blow him up. The Kazi jumps over a couch and Piper blows the couch to pieces.] Piper: How about that time? (Phoebe walks over to the couch.) Phoebe: You killed Aunt Pearl's couch. Piper: Did I get the Kazi? Phoebe: I can't hear you still. (The Kazi demon stands up behind Phoebe and puts his hands on her head. Thick veins run through her face.) Aah! Piper: Phoebe? What's happening? Phoebe? Talk to me. (Leo runs in and picks the potion off the floor beside Paige. He throws it at the Kazi demon. The Kazi demon lets go of Phoebe and he falls to the floor, stunned.) Phoebe? [Cut to Piper's room. Wyatt is in his bassinet with the force shield surrounding him. Crone is standing beside the bassinet holding the monkey totem.] Crone: (singing it Paige's voice): "Hush little baby don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if that mocking bird won't sing..." [Cut to the attic. Leo is healing Paige.] Piper: Is she going to be okay? Leo: I think so. (Paige wakes up and sits up. Phoebe places five crystals around the Kazi demon to create a crystal cage.) Phoebe: (yells) Crystal cage is ready! (The Kazi demon gets up and touches the cage. It shocks him. Piper hears singing.) Piper: Do you hear that? Leo: I don't hear anything. Piper: It sounds like signing. Leo: Wyatt. (He races out of the room.) [Cut to Piper's room.] Crone: (signing in Paige's voice) "And if you let this force field down, you'll still be the best little baby in town." (The force field disappears. Crone reaches in the bassinet. Leo races in.) Leo: Piper! Wyatt, careful... (Crone zaps Leo and he flies across the room. Wyatt starts to cry and makes his force field appear.) Phoebe: (upstairs) Leo, what's going on? Crone: You'll pay for that. (Crone walks over to Leo and disappears with him. Piper, Phoebe and Paige race in. Phoebe goes to the bassinet.) Piper: Is Wyatt okay? Phoebe: Wyatt's okay. (Phoebe looks around.) Where's Leo? Piper: Leo? Why isn't he answering us? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Crone's Lair. Crone and the Kazi King are there. Crone has the monkey totem up to her ear.] Kazi King: Where's my warrior? Crone: Captured. Kazi King: That's your fault. You said you would weaken them. Crone: And I did. However I failed to account for their Whitelighter. But don't worry, he won't get in our way again. (Leo is trapped in a water tank.) Kazi King: I say we launch another attack now. Crone: First I need to know the witches aren't on to me. If they figure out that I want their baby, I'll never get my hands on him. Now please, let me concentrate. (She holds the monkey totem up to her ear.) [Cut to the attic. Piper is sitting on a couch holding Wyatt. Phoebe and Paige clean up the mess in the attic.] Piper: There you go, is that better? There you go. That's better. It's okay, baby. Daddy'll be home soon. Phoebe: (yells) You did it! You calmed him down! Piper: Shh! Phoebe. It's strange after, you know, I lost my vision, I was forced to use my maternal instincts, which is good 'cause I wasn't really sure I had them. (Paige holds up a notepad with "We'll find Leo" written on it.) I know. Phoebe: I'm getting pretty good at reading lips, I think you just said 'I know'. What do you know? Piper: That we'll find Leo. Phoebe: Okay, that's weird. How did you know that's what Paige wrote? I mean, you can't see it and I didn't say it, so how did you... Piper: I'm not sure. I guess maybe we're developing some sort of sixth sense. It's what it must be, right? Phoebe: Well, whatever it is, we gotta use it to help find Leo. (to Paige) Start the interrogation. (Paige heads over to the Kazi demon. Piper stands up with Wyatt.) Piper: We will be in the nursery. Phoebe: Are you gonna be okay to get down the stairs? Piper: Oh, yeah. I'm getting the hang of this blind stuff. Besides, I grew up in this house. (Piper makes her way out of the attic. Paige holds up the notepad in front of the Kazi. It reads "Where's our Whitelighter". The Kazi doesn't answer and Paige throws a tiny crystal at the cage. It shocks the Kazi and he yells out in pain.) Phoebe: Wrong answer. (Paige throws another tiny crystal at the cage and shocks him. The doorbell rings. Paige goes over to the window.) Is somebody here? (Paige looks out the window and sees Nate waiting on the porch. Paige walks back over to Phoebe and mouths the word "Nate".) Nate is here? (Paige nods. She shoo's Phoebe.) You want me to get rid of him? (Paige nods.) I can't do that, Paige. I mean, first of all, I'm not the best listener right now and second of all, he's your boyfriend. (Paige puts her hands together and begs. She then pretends to hold a microphone and sings. She then promptly waves her hand in front of her mouth.) You lost your voice when you were singing? With hi... Wait, how could that be? You were with him at his... (Paige pretends to play the piano.) Piano bar. (Paige nods.) You lost your voice when you were on stage singing, because he wanted you to sing for him. Oh, that is so romantic! And humiliating. Yeah, I see your point. (The doorbell rings again.) Okay, I'll go deal with him but you owe me one. (Phoebe leaves the attic.) [Cut to the foyer. Phoebe opens the door to reveal Nate there holding a bunch of flowers.] Nate: Oh, hey, Phoebe, is Paige here? Phoebe: (yells) Paige isn't home. (He turns to look at the driveway.) Nate: I saw her car in the driveway. (Phoebe taps him on the shoulder and he faces Phoebe.) Phoebe: Can you repeat that? Just slowly. Nate: Yeah, I said I saw her car in the driveway. Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, her car. Uh, see what I meant to say is that she just can't talk right now. Nate: Right, yeah, that's my fault. I tried to show her off at the club, I mean, she's got such a good singing voice, and I thought maybe I could help her get over her fear... (Phoebe leans in and tries to read his lips.) Why are you looking at my mouth? Phoebe: Huh? Nate: Have I got something in my teeth? Phoebe: Okay, look, um, I got a little swimmer's ear going on. Yeah, fell asleep in the tub last night. So I'm not really getting a lot of this but I did get the part about your teeth, and they're very nice. White. Nate: I just wanna say I'm sorry. If I could just speak to her for a second, maybe I could clear this up. Phoebe: Not a word. Not a word. (She takes the flowers.) Um, I'll tell her you came by and I'll have her call you, okay? Nate: Alright. Phoebe: Goodbye, Nate. (Phoebe closes the door.) [Cut to the attic. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Okay, I would pretty much do anything for my sisters, but making me do that was plain mean, Paige. (Paige holds up the notepad that reads "Kazi's are tough to crack".) Yeah, don't try to change the subject, Paige. Here's your flowers from Nate, (Phoebe throws them on the couch) and personally, if you ask me, I think that Nate deserves more. (Paige holds up the notepad and it reads "Where's our Whitelighter?".) Hey, do you ever think that maybe your Kazi buddy here can't read? Kazi Demon: I tried to tell her that. Phoebe: He did? (Paige writes "Demons lie" on the notepad.) Yeah, but not about literacy. Kazi warriors are base-level demons. Where's our Whitelighter? Kazi Demon: I don't know. (Paige points to "Demons lie" on her notepad.) Phoebe: Yeah, I know, we'll see. Who sent you? (No answer. Paige goes to throw another tiny crystal.) Kazi Demon: Wait, wait! Hold on a minute, please, I'll tell you. It was the Crone. Phoebe: The Crone? The Crone sent you? Kazi Demon: Yeah. Phoebe: Check the book, see what you can find out about the Crone. (Paige hands Phoebe the tiny crystals and heads over to the book.) What does the Crone want with us? Kazi Demon: If I tell you that she'll kill me. (Phoebe throws a small crystal at the cage. He yells in pain.) [Cut to Crone's Lair. Crone is listening in on their conversation through the monkey totem.] Kazi King: My warrior's suffering. I can feel his pain. He needs my help. Crone: He needs a muzzle. He just gave them my name. If he tells the Charmed Ones my plan, I'll never get my hands on that baby. (The Kazi King falls to his knees and groans in pain.) Kazi King: He wouldn't have a chance to tell them anything if we would just attack. They're torturing him again! Crone: Very well. I'll spare your warrior anymore suffering. Along with you. (She throws a fireball at the Kazi King and vanquishes him.) [Cut to the attic. The Kazi demon is vanquished.] Phoebe: Okay, I didn't do that. Someone else did that, I did not do that. Did you find anything in the book? (Paige points to a page on the Crone.) Yeah, the Crone, that's what I was afraid of. Is there a vanquishing potion for her? (Paige points to the writing on the page.) Good. Okay, let's hit the kitchen. We've gotta be prepared for anything. (Paige writes "Piper?" on the notebook.) She's okay, she's with Wyatt. His force field will protect her. Come on. [Cut to Piper's room. Piper is there holding Wyatt. Crone appears in the room and walks over to Piper.] Piper: Who's there? Crone: (Paige's voice) Leo found the monkey totem, and I got my voice back. Piper: Oh my god, where is he? Crone: (Paige's voice) In the kitchen with Phoebe. They're working on the potion to vanquish the Kazi King. Don't worry, I'll take care of Wyatt. Piper: Okay. (She puts Wyatt in his bassinet.) Okay. Be right back. (Piper walks past Crone.) Whoa. What's that smell? It's like charcoal. Crone: Burnt Kazi flesh. We just vanquished his warrior. Piper: Oh, that must be it. (Piper leaves the room. The force field surrounds Wyatt.) Crone: (Paige's voice) There, there, now, Wyatt. Don't be afraid. I just wanna hold you. "Hush little baby, don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird." [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Paige are there working on a potion. Piper makes her way in.] Piper: Okay, let's go, people, mama wants to see again. (Paige taps Phoebe and points at Piper.) Phoebe: (yells) Piper! (Piper nearly jumps out of her skin.) We think the Crone is behind this so we're making a vanquishing potion so we can get her! Piper: Phoebe, I am blind, not deaf. And Paige said we were going after the Kazi King. Phoebe: What'd she say? Piper: Leo? Is that you? (Paige walks over and takes Piper's hands. She puts Piper's hands on her head and shoulder.) Paige? But you're supposed to be watching Wyatt and you said Leo had come back. (Paige puts Piper's hands on her head and she shakes her head.) Oh my god. (Piper leaves the kitchen and Paige follows. Paige motions for Phoebe to follow. Phoebe grabs the potion and follows behind.) [Cut to Piper's room.] Crone: (Paige's voice) "Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring." That's my sweet boy. You're safe now. (The force field disappears and Crone picks Wyatt up. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.) Piper: Hands off, hag. Crone: (in Paige's voice) Wyatt, help, we're in danger. (The force field surrounds Wyatt and Crone.) Piper: What's going on? Phoebe: His force field is protecting her. Piper: If you hurt him I will kill you! (Crone places her hand on Wyatt's forehead and a red light shines around her hand.) Phoebe: What is she doing to him? Piper: Paige, can you orb him to you? (Paige mouths "Wyatt" and nothing happens.) Phoebe: She can't. Piper: I know. Phoebe: Should we, uh... Piper: I don't know, try it. (Piper and Phoebe touch Paige.) Piper, Phoebe: Wyatt. (Wyatt orbs into Paige's arms.) Crone: I've seen everything. Such power. Such power! Piper: You wanna see real power, lady? (Phoebe throws the potion at Crone. She bursts into flames and is vanquished.) I can see! I can see! (to Wyatt) Hi! (She takes Wyatt from Paige.) Phoebe: I can hear. Paige? Paige: Can I just say... Phoebe: What? Paige: Anything. Damn, it's good to hear me speak. Phoebe: Okay, so we're all good. Piper: What about Leo? Phoebe: Oh, no, did I kill the hag too soon? Piper: Oh, if she hurt him, you know I'm gonna have to revive her and kill her again. Paige: Hurry, see if you can get a premonition off the smudge mark. (Phoebe goes over and touches the smudge mark on the carpet.) Piper: (to Wyatt) It's okay, honey, we'll find daddy, you know, sooner or later. (Suddenly, Piper and Wyatt orb out.) Paige: What just happened? How did she... Phoebe: Because my nephew is a genius. Takes after me. [Cut to Crone's Lair. Piper and Wyatt orb in. Leo yells.] Piper: Oh, god. (Piper blows up the tank and Leo falls out. He coughs.) Are you okay? Leo: The Crone. Piper: Dead. Leo: And you can see? Piper: Yeah. It was strange, like when it mattered most, we could almost read each other's minds. Leo: Yeah, it's always been there. Piper: We never noticed before. Leo: Maybe not consciously, but it's always been apart of what's made the power of three so strong. (Leo coughs.) Piper: Sorry I couldn't get here sooner. Leo: It was awful, I couldn't orb. Piper: But guess who could. Apparently he sensed his daddy in need. Leo: He sensed me and he orbed? Piper: Yeah, he's coming into his powers really, really fast. Leo: You nervous? Piper: A little. You know, a lot. Leo: Well, he's gonna be fine. We all are. Piper: I know. (They orb out.) [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe's there taking down the posters pinned to the boards. Piper walks in.] Piper: Hmm, not going so good? National syndication's a big deal. Phoebe: Yeah, that's what Jason said when he told me. And Elise and all the other reporters. And I was so busy listening to all them, I didn't ask myself what I wanted. Piper: Which would be what? Phoebe: To spend time with my family. Piper: Yay! Oh, sorry, go ahead. Phoebe: To ride rides with my nephew and to not be one of those annoying cell phone people that the mimes make fun of. Piper: So what are you gonna tell Jason? Phoebe: Mm, I'm gonna tell him exactly what I just told you. And as my boss he's not gonna like it. But as my boyfriend, there are ways of bringing him around. Piper: You do have ways. Phoebe: Mm-hm. [Scene: Piano Bar. Paige is standing on stage in front of the microphone.] Paige: I was supposed to sing a song for Bobby Maynard but he didn't inspire me much. So, Nate Parks... (Nate, sitting at the bar, turns around.) This one's for you. (The band starts playing.) "Never know how much I love you / Never know how much I care / When you put your arms around me / I get a fever that's so hard to bear / You give me fever / When you kiss me fever when you hold me tight / Fever / In the morning / Fever all through the night / Now you've listened to my story / Here's the point that I've made / Fever / Do you sizzle / What a lovely way to burn / What a lovely way to burn / What a lovely way to burn / What a lovely way to burn."	Plan: A: the fair; Q: Where is the Crone? A: the Crone; Q: Who turns a monkey totem into a real monkey? A: Paige's voice; Q: What does the monkey take from Paige? A: Phoebe; Q: Who falls for Jason? A: Phoebe's hearing; Q: What does the monkey take from Phoebe? A: Piper; Q: Who bonds with baby Wyatt? A: the girls; Q: Who is vulnerable to attack? A: Wyatt; Q: Who does the Crone capture? A: Jason; Q: Who is Phoebe's new boss? Summary: While at the fair, the Crone turns a monkey totem of Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil into a real monkey. This monkey takes Paige's voice, Phoebe's hearing, and Piper's eyesight; leaving the girls vulnerable to attack so the Crone can capture Wyatt. While Piper bonds with baby Wyatt, Phoebe falls for her new boss, Jason.
Ty: Previously on "Heartland"... Lou: If Peter could get a job in Calgary, our biggest problem would be solved. And Tanner Gunn is the perfect guy to make that happen. So when is this meeting supposed to be? Amy: Tomorrow. Lou: Oh, Amy! Lou: And? No formal offer or anything though. Just more of a let's-keep- in-touch kind of thing. Amy: Tanner told me that he made Peter a great offer and that Peter just said no. If what you're saying is true, then Peter didn't just avoid telling me about the offer and the meeting, he totally lied to me. Our entire marriage is based on nothing but dishonesty and deceit. (Crying) (Van rumbles) (Truck rumbles) Ty: Sorry about taking time off last minute, Cass. Cass: Have fun on your trip and stop worrying about the clinic. I'm perfectly capable of running things without you. Ty: Hey, uh, don't forget about Georgie. She's coming into the clinic to volunteer today. Cass: Right. So, on top of doing your work, I'm babysitting too. Ty: I owe you one, Cass. Cass: Yeah, you do. Which is why you're taking all of my night shifts next week. Ty: Wait, what? Cass: I said you're taking all of my night shifts next week. Ty: Uh, uh, Cass... you're breaking up. I can barely hear you. Cass: Ty? Ty: Sorry, w-what? Cass: Ty! (Line goes dead) (Laughing) Peter: Okay, more for me then, missy. Katie: Can I have some? Peter: Mmm... now you want some? I thought you didn't like it? Katie: But I do! Peter: You hear that, Lou? She likes kiwi now. (Chopping) Lou? We need more kiwi. Hmm? Peter: Here, honey. Hey, what's up? Everything okay? Lou: Yeah, I'm... feeling tired today, that's all. Oh, Amy, the "save the dates" for the wedding need to go out this week. Amy: (Sighs) This week. Got it. Lou: And have you and Ty finished finalizing the guest list yet? Amy: Mmm... (Sighs) Lou: No. Okay, Amy, it's really important. I know you guys are going to Montana for the horse clinic or whatever, but it'll only take a minute. Amy: Yes. Lou: And, when you get back, we should really start talking about venues. Amy: Okay. Lou: Okay? Amy: Okay! Lou: Good morning! Georgie: Morning! Can I get a ride into town today. Peter: Why? What's up? Georgie: Well, I'm volunteering at the vet clinic. You know, for extra credit in science class. Peter: Oh. Yeah, sure, I can take you in. Lou: Uh, it's all right. You stay here with Katie and help her get ready for ballet class. Come on, kiddo. Let's go. Georgie: All right. Peter: See ya! (Screen door opens and closes) Ballet? All right! (Hands clap) (Car rumbles to a halt) (Door opens and closes) Jade: Check out my new ride? Pretty sweet, huh? The best part about my parents getting the "big d" is the sudden outpouring of generosity. Nothing like a guilty conscience to get the parents to loosen the purse strings a little. My mom called you a week ago? She's at a medical conference. You said I could stay here for the day. Lou: Mm. Yeah. Jade: You forgot, didn't you? Lou: No, no, no. I did not forget. I just... It's been a busy morning. I'm gonna drop Georgie at the vet clinic and I will get you settled in, okay? Wait. What's going down at the vet clinic? Is it time for your annual check up? Georgie: No. I'm just volunteering. What, like feeding cute animals and stuff? Georgie: Yeah, I guess. I want in. You wanna volunteer? Well, it beats mucking out stalls here at the ranch. Okay. Hop in. Well, I can drive. Lou: Uh, no. No. That's not a good idea. No, Georgie, come... Georgie: Come on, Lou. I mean you said you had a busy day. If Jade takes me, you won't have to worry. Jade: I promise to obey all traffic laws and shoulder check before changing lanes. Georgie: See? Now that she actually has her license, she's a lot more responsible. Lou: Okay. But no speeding and no texting, and go straight there! Jade: don't worry, Lou. Your daughter is in safe hands. Catch you on the flip side. (Doors bang shut) Buckle up. (Engine starts) (Car rumbles away) Amy, I thought we were supposed to be keeping this small? Amy: Yes, I know. 'Kay, well, let's just go through and pull some names out. Okay, um... How about Lily Borden and Wade Dalton? Your parents? (Laughs) What do you mean? Of course we're inviting them. Ty: Are you sure about that? Every time I see my mom, it seems like disaster strikes. Why should we tempt fate? Amy: You can't be serious. Come on, Lily would be devastated if we didn't invite her. Why do we have to invite anybody at all? Amy... We should just get married in mustang meadows, just the two of us, under a poplar tree. If we did that, Lou would bury us under that same tree. Ty, let's just start from the top and work our way down. Or... we could pack up the trailer and hit the road. Come on, Amy. We deserve this trip. This guest list can wait. Amy: 'Kay. Ty: 'Kay? (Amy and Ty giggle excitedly) (Approaching footsteps) Peter: Do you know where Katie's, uh, ballet costume is? Lou. Hey, you okay? What's going on? Lou: Actually, I'm not. Um... "It was a let's-keep-in-touch kind of thing"? Peter: What? Lou: Your interview with Tanner Gunn, you said "it was a let's-keep in-touch kind of thing." But it wasn't, was it? He offered you a job, didn't he? A good one, in Calgary, where your family lives, and you turned it down. But what's worse is you lied to me about it and I wanna know why. (Screen door opens and closes) Jack: Look who I found. Lisa: Hey, Lou! Hey, Peter, how are you? Peter: Hey! Lisa: Good to see you. Peter: Yeah. Long time no see. Lisa: Yeah, how are you? Peter: Good, good. (Lisa chuckles) S08E12 "Broken Heartland" ♪ And at the break of day you sank into your dream ♪ ♪ You dreamer ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh... ♪ ♪ You dreamer... ♪ ♪ You dreamer ♪ (dogs bark and cats meow) Cass: Ty, it's Cass. You didn't tell me I'd be babysitting two children today. Do I look like Mary Poppins? You are now officially taking all of my night shifts for a month. Enjoy your trip. (Phone beeps off) He's so cute. He also has worms. A real nasty case. Georgie: Ew! Should we give him some medicine? Cass: Nope. Already done. Just need you to hold him still while I give him his yearly booster injection. Georgie: Okay... What's wrong with the snake? Is she sick? What makes you think it's a she? Jade: A female ball python's tail is shorter and thinner than a male's. I did a project on pythons back in junior high. Well, her name's Cordelia and she hasn't eaten in a few weeks, so we're keeping her here to see what's going on. Jade: Can I hold her? Cass: No. I don't wanna cause her anymore stress until we find out why she's not eating. You can put him back in his cage now. Georgie: Okay. (Cat meows) Cass: Okay, next, I want you two to take Monty here for a walk. (Monty pants) Georgie: He's adorable. Cass: He's a handful. Georgie: (Laughs) Here, Monty, come here. Cass: And when Monty does his business, I need you to collect a urine sample. Jade: Seriously? Cass: Seriously. Welcome to the glamorous world of veterinary medicine. Oh! And while you're out, can you pick me up a coffee? One coffee, one urine sample - no problem. I'll try not to get the two of them mixed up. (Truck rumbles) (Crows caw, woman sighs heavily) Why are you driving so slow? (Chuckles) My future father-in-law lent me his truck. There's no way I'm returning it with even a scratch on it. I'd never hear the end of it, Amy. (Amy laughs, phone rings) Oh... Lou. You know, she's probably freaking out about wedding guest lists. (Sighs) You're not gonna answer it? We only have until tomorrow together. Lou's just gonna have to wait. (Ty and Amy laugh, phone continues ringing) Peter: Hey. So, uh, first of all, I didn't lie. We did say we'd stay in touch at the end of that meeting. You just left out the part where he made you a damn good offer. Okay, you know, it's funny because... There was only two people in that meeting, so I don't know how could know all that information, but- Oh, that's right, you sent your sister to spy for you. She was hardly spying. Manipulating, spying, - whatever, Lou. She was putting her nose where it didn't belong. You know what? This is not Amy's fault. I was the one who asked her to work for Tanner Gunn in the first place. Oh, I'm well aware that you were the one pulling the puppet strings there, Lou. Something that you didn't tell me until after the interview, by the way. So I guess we both lied by omission, right? Okay, I admit it. We haven't exactly been honest with each other lately. And maybe I shouldn't have set up the interview behind your back, but that doesn't change the fact that you turned down a job offer in Calgary. I looked for a job in Calgary, Lou. I looked and looked after we got back from Dubai, but no company would touch me, not after a failure like that. That was ages ago. People have short memories. I've spent years building up my career in Vancouver, Lou. I'm not about to just throw it all away because Tanner Gunn says I'm back in the club. He said that was the best offer you'd get in this town. Oh, okay. Yeah, look, it was... It was a good offer. But I like the job I have and I cannot stand Tanner. He's a world class jerk. I don't wanna work for him. I just wish you would at least talk to me before you made up your mind about something so important. Oh, right. Like the way you always... talk to me before you make up your mind about things. Lou: don't do that. don't even... Peter: Don't mention, uh, the house that you bought without talking to me first? Or the specialist you sent Katie to just because some overrated private school says that she needed it... A school I didn't even think she needed to go to in the first place. Lou: That is not fair, okay? I thought I was doing what was best for Katie. Peter: Oh, and what about what was best for Georgie and how you thought that she should contact her aunt. Peter: You remember her aunt, right? The one that called child services on us... Lou: Stop it! And said that we were abusing our children? Remember that? Lou: Just stop it! Katie: (Humming happily) Peter: (Gasps) Gosh, look at you! Katie: Ta-da! Peter: You look awesome! Lisa: She is all ready for dance class. Peter: Thanks. Lisa: Yeah. Peter: I'll take her. Lou: Have fun! Lisa: Everything okay? Lou: Yeah, yeah... (Door closes) Jade: Is this dog ever gonna pee? Georgie: (Amused sigh) Georgie: Can you hold him for a sec? (Monty barks) Jade: Okay. Hey, where are you going? Georgie: Yeah, um... (People chatter) (Birds chirp, people chatter) Jade: What just happened? Georgie: Nothing! Okay, come on, Monty, let's go. Jade: Uh-uh. You're not getting out of explaining this one. You just saw that boy and then you bolted. Details. Now. Georgie: Okay, well, there's a Sadie Hawkins dance at my school... you know, girls are supposed to ask the boys. Sounds kind of dumb, but... I guess it could be good for a laugh. Go on. Okay, well, I'm worried Stephen thinks I'm gonna ask him to go with me. Jade: Are you? Georgie: No. Well then what's the problem? Unless... You wanna ask him, but you're just too chicken to do it. No! We're just friends, okay? That's all. Why can't a girl and a guy be friends without it getting all weird? (Truck rumbles) Amy: Oh, Ty, pull over. Just... just right up here, pull over. (Truck rumbles to a halt) (Engine shuts off) Ty: Why are we stopping? Amy: There's a riding trail not too far off this road. I used to come here all the time with my mom. (Truck doors close) It is such a beautiful spot, Ty. I was just thinking... Since we don't have to be at the horse clinic until tomorrow, there's no rush to get there. Let's go on a trail ride. Ty: Sounds good. (Footsteps crunch) Jade: Here's your caffeine fix. Cass: Thank you. And did you get the urine sample? Jade: It was a no go. Either the pipes are broken or Monty's dehydrated. That's okay. You can try again in the afternoon. I have to head out on a vet call, but while I'm gone, I want you to clean out all the kennels. We'll get right on it, Dr. Lee. Cass: Well, I'm not a Dr. yet, but I did like the sound of that. You know what? You can call me Dr. Lee just for today. Whatever you say, Dr. Lee. Georgie: (Sighs) All right, well, let's get started. Jade: Cheer up, kid. It's not that bad. Georgie: Cleaning kennels and taking urine samples isn't exactly what I imagined when I volunteered. Jade: Well, look on the bright side. Cass forgot to ask for the change back from her twenty, so it's practically a bonus. And now that she's gone... Georgie: Hey, should you be doing that? Cass said we shouldn't touch her. Jade: I just wanna hold her for a second. Wanna give it a try? Georgie: No! No thanks. Jade: You're not afraid of a harmless ball python, are you? Georgie: No. It's just... she said we should leave her alone. Jade: Looks like fearless Georgie isn't as fearless as we thought, hey, Cordelia? (Birds chirp, hooves clop) Ty: You were right, Amy. This place is incredible. Amy: Ty, you weren't really serious about not inviting your mom, were you? Ty: Well, I didn't mean it to sound cold, Amy. It... it's just that uh... Amy: What? Ty: It's just the last few times I talked to my mom on the phone, she uh... she sounded drunk. I think she's fallen off the wagon again. Amy: Are you sure? Yeah. I know my mom. I... used to live with her when she was drinking and high on pills and I can hear it in her voice. I don't really want her at our wedding when she's like that, but I know it would kill her not to be there, so... I'm not really sure what to do right now. Well, whatever you decide, I'll stand by you. Thanks, Amy. Thank you. But you know what? I don't really want... to talk about our wedding or my mom. I just want today to be... to be about you and me. Amy: (Chuckles) Okay. I have something I wanna show you. (Birds chirp, hooves clop) (Amy laughs and her breath catches) Ty: Wow... Amy: I know. We should just stay out here. Pitch a tent in the woods, camp out till the wedding's over. What do you think? Amy: What about food? We could live off the land. What about bears? I got bear spray. (Laughs) (Laughs) Well, what about Lou? Like I said, I got bear spray. Amy: (Laughing) Ty... Ty: (Laughing) (Water splashes) ♪ Like a Picasso, something priceless ♪ ♪ A piece that's only one of when they speak of... ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪ ♪ when they speak of... ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh-oh, oh... ♪ (Truck roars by) (Birds chirp) (Crows caw, footsteps crunch) (Birds chirp) (Door clicks open) (Keys jingle) (Door bangs shut, trucks starts) (Gearshift clunks, truck rumbles away) Amy: Ty, where's the truck? This... this is where we parked it, right? Ty: This is definitely where we parked it. Someone stole my dad's truck?! (Frustrated sigh) Do you have your cell phone? No, it's in the truck. Mine too. Amy: Okay, um... I say we ride to the nearest town and we'll call for help. (Laughs incredulously) What is funny? Ty: (Laughing) From now on... at Christmas, at birthdays, at family gatherings... your dad is gonna tell the story of how his idiot son-in-law lost his truck. I'm never gonna live this down. (Laughing) (Cage door clunks open, spray squirts) So what's going on with you and that boy, Stephen? Georgie: Nothing's going on. Well, you like him. Georgie: No, I told you. We're just friends. Jade: If you are friends, you should just go with him. It's just a Sadie Hawkins Dance... it's not like... you're proposing marriage. Oh my God, Jade! Jade: Look, I know it's none of my business, but I do have some experience with this type of thing... No! Look! Oh no... (Trowel scrapes through dirt) (Rooster crows in the distance) Peter: Lou... Lou: (Exhales shakily) Can you stop weeding for a second? I'm not weeding. Katie was playing out here yesterday and she buried her plastic cupcake, and I'm trying to find it. Well, I'll give you a hand. (Trowel scrapes in the dirt) (Sighs) She wanted to plant a cupcake tree. I didn't have the heart to tell her it's too cold up here for cupcake trees to grow. (Chuckles) Listen, um... I was really angry and I said some things that... We both said some things. I'm leaving for Vancouver tonight and I don't want our last time to be spent arguing. Neither do I. (Trowel scrapes, Peter groans softly) Both: (Chuckling) Peter: Is this what you're looking for? (Chuckles) That's the one. Amy: Ty... (Traffic rumbles) Ty: Are you kidding me? Tire's flat. Whoever jacked the truck must have taken off. (Hooves clop on pavement) Amy: Our cell phones are still here. Well, I guess we lucked out. (Foliage snapping, running footsteps) Ty: Hold it right there! Hup! Yah! (Hooves thunder) Hey, stop! (Hooves thunder) (Hooves thunder) Woman: Look, I'm really sorry. I've never done anything like this before. And I tried hitchhiking, but nobody would pick me up. And then I saw your truck... I'm not a criminal, I swear. Please don't call the cops. Jade: Okay, pythons usually look for dark, soft places to hide... like underneath couch cushions. (Items thump and clatter, Georgie screams) (Laughs) Man, the only thing that scares you more than snakes is having to ask a boy to a dance. Okay, well, maybe that sort of thing comes easily to you, but not me. Wanna know what I think? Not really. Jade: I think the only reason you're scared to ask Stephen is because you're afraid he'll say no. Georgie: Oh my God, there she is! Jade: Where? Georgie: Right there! Jade: Where? Georgie: She went behind the fridge. Jade: Oh, crafty girl. She's toying with us. All right, Cordelia, have it your way. Hide and seek. Ready or not, here we come. (Peeler blade jingles) [SCENE_BREAK] Thank you again for taking Katie for ice cream. She was thrilled. Lisa: Aw... Jack and I are happy to do it. Hey, Lou? don't mean to pry, but you're okay, yeah? Yeah, yeah, why wouldn't I be? I just heard you and Peter having a bit of disagreement earlier and just... not wanting to pry, just... It's okay. We did have an argument, but everything is good now. Good. Glad to hear it. Lou: Hey, Katie, that's a really pretty picture. Katie: That's mommy, that's Georgie, and this is me and the house we live in. Lou: Wow! But where's daddy? Katie: He's up there in the airplane where he lives. Lou: Can I see? (Paper rustles) (Sighs heavily) (Truck roars by) So what're we gonna do with her? What do you mean? Well, we can't just leave her at the side of the road. (Laughs) That's exactly what we're gonna do. Amy, she's lucky we didn't call the cops. Besides, this is our one weekend together and I'm not gonna let that girl ruin it for us. Ty, she's just a kid, okay? We can at least drop her off at the nearest town. (Sighs) Hi, I'm Amy. Brook: Brook. Amy: That's my fiance, Ty. So where are you headed? Brook: (Sighs) Not sure yet. I guess I'll figure it out when I get there. Amy: Priddis is not that from here. We can drop you off if you like. Brook: Well, I was hoping to go a little further. Where are you guys headed? Amy: We're going across the border to Montana. Brook: That's perfect. Can I get a ride with you? I won't be any trouble, I promise. You can even put me in the trailer with the horses. You wouldn't even know I was there. Please, I'm begging you. (Approaching footsteps) Lou: (Sighs) Your daughter thinks you live on an airplane. (Drawing flutters) Peter: What? Lou: You know, kids have a funny way of getting at the truth sometimes. But you don't live on an airplane, Peter, you live in Vancouver. And I thought it was because you had the great job there, but... that's not the real reason, is it? I thought we were gonna let this go until I came back? Lou: I wanna talk about it now. Peter: Okay. Well, you know why I didn't take the job in Calgary, Lou. Yeah, I thought it was just about a job, but... but maybe it's not. I mean, maybe... There's something else. There's something keeping you in Vancouver, away from me and away from your family. Something or... maybe someone? Oh... how could you even suggest that? Then what is it? Help me understand. (Knock at the door, door creaks open) Jack: Uh... Lisa just put lunch on the table. Oh, great. We'll be there in a second. Jack: All right. (Door creaks closed) Peter: (Laughs) That's awesome. We don't even have enough privacy to argue. Amy: Doesn't it scare you? Brook: What? Amy: Not knowing where you're going? (Laughs) Are you kidding? I've never been happier. I do what I want. I go where I want. No rules, just endless possibilities. What about your home? Don't have one. Not really. My mom pretty much kicked me out of the house a few months ago. I lived with a boyfriend for awhile, but, of course, he turned out to be a total jerk, just like my mom said. Now I'm free as a bird. Amy: (Chuckles politely) Ty: Hey. Amy: Hey. It's gonna take about an hour to patch the tire, so we might as well get something to eat while we wait. Lunch is on me. It's the least I could do since I stole your truck and all. But first, I need to make some money. Ty: What? (People chatter nearby) I was thinking of a roast beef for dinner. Everybody all right with that? Jack: Mm! That sounds good to me. Lou: You can count on some leftovers though because Peter is headed back to Vancouver, as usual. Aren't you, Peter? Probably just grab some dinner at the airport, right, honey? Lisa: That's fine. Leftovers are no problem. We'll have them for lunch tomorrow. Good sandwiches. Jack: Mm-hmm. Lou: There's watermelon in the fridge for dessert. Does anyone want some? (Chair scrapes back) Peter: I'm just gonna give her a hand. We'll just be one sec. (Plate thuds on table) Do you mind telling me what you're doing? Wh-wh-what's going on? Do you wanna keep your voice down? Peter: What? I'm just making sure everyone is aware of your very complicated schedule. Did I say something that wasn't true? You are headed back to Vancouver now. Yeah, Lou. I'm headed back to my pied-a-terre in Vancouver where I throw wild parties and have illicit affairs every night, yeah. Oh, you said it, not me. I ask for one thing... to keep my job in Vancouver, Lou, and you accuse me of having an affair? Lou: I did not accuse you. Peter: Oh, it's implied! Please, don't-don't even! Jack: So we're not very hungry on account of the ice cream, I guess, so... Katie wants to see her pony. We'll take her out. Lou: That sounds like fun. Lisa: Yeah, we'll be back in a bit. Thanks. (Door closes, Peter sighs) Lou: I did not mean to accuse you of having an affair. Peter, all I want is for you to put your family before whatever it is in Vancouver that is so important! Peter: "Whatever it is"? My job, Lou? Is that what you're talking about? What about you? We could move to Vancouver. Remember that? Why am I the only one who has to give up everything? I have given up just as much in this relationship and you know it! I moved my entire life to Dubai when we got married. Peter: Right. There it is, and you'll never let me forget it, will you? Lou: What?! That's what this is all about, right? Lou: No! Peter: I screwed up over there and you will never let it go. Lou: No! That's why you won't move to Vancouver, that's why you're stuck here clinging to your life at Heartland... because you're terrified that Peter's gonna screw everything up again! Lou: That is not true! Peter: It is true! (Angry exhale) Yes it is. I moved on with my life after Dubai. I ca-I can't... You're stuck living in the past and I... I can't take it. I don't... Peter... (Exhales slowly) We can't go on like this. Lou: No. No, we can't. I think that's the first thing we've agreed on all day. (Receding footsteps) ♪ Gotta take a chance Gotta make a way ♪ ♪ Gotta lead that frown astray ♪ ♪ gotta take that step, don't walk away... ♪ (Change clinks) ♪ Gotta listen close, gotta crack a smile ♪ ♪ Gotta speak your mind, go and walk that mile ♪ ♪ Don't wait on yesterday, go ahead and seize the day ♪ Crowd: (Clapping) Brook: Thanks. Thank you. Thank you very much. Ty: Not half bad - for a truck thief. Amy: (Chuckles) Georgie: You're right. Jade: Of course I'm right. Wait, what're you talking about? Georgie: (Sighs) The dance. I do wanna ask Stephen to go with me, but... What if he says no? It would be so awkward. Jade: I'm gonna tell you something, and if you ever repeat it, I swear I will totally deny ever saying it. But, Georgie, you are smart, and brave... except when it comes to snakes... and kind of beautiful in a diamond in the rough kind of way, and there is no way that that skinny, awkward, pre-pubescent boy is ever gonna say no to you. And if he does, he's not worth the price of those cheap sneakers he wears. (Gasps) Cordelia, there you are! I have been looking everywhere for you. Oh, look, she even has a little bump in her belly. She must've found something to eat. Do you know what this means? I cured her. I totally deserve an honorary vet degree. I'd be Dr. Jade - super model slash vet. They'd be all like, "Dr. Jade why were you late for your swimsuit shoot?" And I'd be all like, "I was saving a tiny koala bear." Georgie: Jade, you know that tiny chihuahua Cass was giving the shot to? Jade: Yeah. Georgie: He's gone. Jade: What do you mean, gone? Georgie: Well, his kennel is open and he's not there. No... you don't think...? Jade: Well, actually, ball pythons can eat almost anything up to double their thickness. Don't say that. And they can dislocate their jaw. Georgie: (Worried sigh) We are in so much trouble... Jade: Bad Cordelia! (Change clinks) Brook: Thanks, guys. I've... I've got one more song. It's not well known, but it's one of my favourites. ♪ She used to sit down by the highway ♪ ♪ And watch all the cars goin' by ♪ ♪ And hang out down at the pool hall ♪ Amy: I know this song. ♪ They'd fill her head full of stories ♪ Brook and Amy: (Harmonizing) ♪ about places and things that they had seen ♪ ♪ She'd tell her friends about all her plans ♪ Brook: ♪ and now she's a kid full of dreams ♪ Amy and brook: ♪ small towns can't hold on to dreamers ♪ ♪ They grow up and just drift away ♪ ♪ And later we'll read in the papers ♪ ♪ About how well they're doing today ♪ ♪ Small towns can't hold on to dreamers ♪ ♪ But the world ain't as a big as it seems ♪ ♪ You can live in a castle, you can walk in the sand ♪ Brook: ♪ but you can't take the home out of dreams ♪ ♪ You can't take the home out of dreams... ♪ (Crowd claps and cheers) All right! Yeah! Amy: Wow. Brook: I thought I was the only one who knew that song. Amy: My grandmother used to sing that song to me all the time when I was a kid. Get out! Your grandma was a fan of Lyndy Bartlett? No. My grandma was Lyndy Bartlett. (Amy chuckles, brook gasps) Lou: I need to explain something to you. When we lost everything in Dubai and we had to rebuild our lives and everything was so bleak, and I was pregnant with Katie, I did what I had to do, Peter, and moving back here was the right thing to do. And then Georgie came into our lives... And she's so attached to this place. You know that. You might think I'm stuck in the past, but I've only ever done what is best for this family's future. Peter: (Sighs) This living here, this was all supposed to be temporary, remember? And... somewhere along the line, we started living separate lives and... we stopped making decisions together. (Sighs heavily) I think what we have to ask ourselves is... I mean, aside from Georgie and Katie, what do we... What's keeping us together? (Sighs heavily) I cannot believe I am eating lunch with Lyndy Bartlett's granddaughter. How wicked is that? I'm just surprised someone your age even knows who she is. Brook: Well, I found her album at a used record store. Her lyrics are insane, and her voice... It was like a cross between Kitty Wells and Tammy Wynette. I always imagined her traveling the country, singing in dive bars, really living life. Amy: I'm sure she did that for awhile. But then she met my grandpa and her life changed. They settled down, had a kid, my mom. And she never stopped singing, just not on a stage anymore. You know, we should go on the road together. We'd make a killer duo. (Laughs) Thanks for the offer, but I just got back from tour... Not singing - training horses in Europe. I thought that's what I wanted, but I guess I'm a bit like my grandma 'cause I realized everything I want is right here. (Birds chirp) Jade: And... that's when we noticed the chihuahua wasn't in his cage. Georgie: Look, we're really sorry. We didn't mean for any of this to happen. Jade: On the bright side, Cordelia's hunger strike is over. Are you two finished? Jade: Yeah, that's pretty much it. Cass: You'll be relieved to know Mrs. Blatchford stopped by to pick up her dog while you two were out getting coffee. (Jade sighs with relief) Georgie: Well, what about the bump in her belly? She obviously ate the food I put in her enclosure before she escaped. Jade: Well, that's great news. I mean, no harm no foul, right? I guess Georgie and I'll be on our way now. Thanks for everything, Dr. Lee. Mm. Not so fast. I think I was very clear when I told you not to touch Cordelia. But since she appears to be fine, I'm gonna let it go. I will however need my change back from the twenty I gave you for coffee. (Clothing and cash rustles) And I still need that urine sample from Monty. This time don't come back empty handed. Georgie: (Sighs) (Kennel door opens) Peter: Give me a kiss. Mm... Muah! Here. Lou: Here. (Lou and Peter groan) Okay, uh... So tell Georgie that I'll call her from the airport, okay? Please? Thanks. Um... Give her a hug for me. I will. And uh... we'll talk when I get back. Lou: Okay. Peter: Okay. Bye, guys. Lou: Bye, daddy. (Door opens, taxi engine starts) (Door bangs shut) I think it's time for your nap. Why don't you go pick out a storybook, 'kay? (Sniffs) (Running footsteps, screen door opens) Jack: You okay, Lou? Lou: I don't know... (Door snaps shut) Lisa: We have to do something. I know what you're gonna say that we shouldn't metal, but I just-I can't stand to see her like that. Jack: Neither can I. Do you have your phone on you? Lisa: Who are you going to call? Jack: Reinforcements. Ty: How long you been running for? What makes you think I'm a runaway? Well, it takes one to know one. When I was your age, I was all over the map. Anytime things got tough, I'd run the other way. Well, I'm not running away from anything. I'm running towards something. Oh. Okay. And what's that? Fame and fortune? Yeah, why not? I deserve it just as much as anybody. Ty: Hmm. What about... What about your parents? Do they must miss you. It was just me and my mom. We never really got along. We haven't spoken in months. Ty: Well, you know, I didn't speak to my mom for years. She uh... Well, she can be a bit of a train wreck sometimes. Earlier today, I was actually thinking about not inviting her to my wedding. Well, if she's anything like my mom, I don't blame you. Ty: You know, it's funny, I... Here I am not wanting to invite my mom, and Amy, on the other hand, she'd do anything to have her mom there. But that's never gonna happen. Why not? Her mom's dead. Oh... Oh, that's so sad. Ty: Yeah, but... at least she had a good relationship with her before she passed away. You and me, we got some stuff to work out when it comes to our moms. But I guess we're lucky 'cause it's not too late for that. It is for me. Ty: Are you sure about that? Amy: I just got off the phone with grandpa. We've gotta go back home. Ty: Why? What's going on? Amy: I'll... explain on the way. Brook, I am really sorry we're not gonna be able to take you to Montana. Ty: Uh, brook, maybe we can, um, drop you off at your mom's place. No... no, I'll uh... I'll find my own way south. Amy: You sure? Brook: Yeah. Thanks for everything. And sorry I stole your truck. Ty: It's okay. Amy: Just be safe. Ty: See you, Brook. Here, I got it. (Door clicks open) (Door bangs shut) Brook: Wait! Come on Monty. Give us a break. You've been drinking water all day. Just pee already! Stephen: Hey, Georgie. (Monty barks) Georgie: (Brightly) Oh, hi! Steven: I got your message. What do you wanna talk to me about? Jade: I'll give you two a minute. Come on. Come on, Monty! You know the Sadie Hawkins Dance? Stephen: Yeah. Well, are-are you going? I don't know. Maybe. Are you? Georgie: Yeah. I think so. I mean it's kinda dumb, but it could be a good laugh. So I was wondering um... If you wanted to go with me? Like only if you want... Stephen: Yes! I mean... yeah, that'd be totally cool. Georgie: Okay. (Giggles) Jade: Georgie! I got the urine sample! Georgie: (Laughs) I don't even know who that is. Stephen: I gotta go. Jade: Good boy. Good boy. Georgie: Seriously? Jade: Well... (Truck rumbles to a halt) Brook: (Sighs nervously) Okay. (Truck idles loudly) (Door bangs shut) Congrats by the way on getting married and all. If you need somebody to sing at your wedding, keep me in mind. Amy: We'll do. Ty: Good luck, Brook. (Truck idles loudly, brook sighs nervously) (Door opens) Brook's mom: (Sobbing) Welcome home. (Crickets chirp) Lou: You were really looking forward to that horse clinic. There'll be lots of other clinics, Lou. I only have one sister. (Crying) Thank you. Ugh, it's that... Peter and I have had terrible fights, but never anything like this. I just wanna talk to him about it. He says we'll talk when he gets back, but I don't think I can wait that long. Should I call him? I think this is the type of conversation that you should have in person. Yeah, but what am I supposed to do? Hop on the next flight to Vancouver? I need to go to Vancouver. (Emotional sigh) (Truck rumbles) (Door bangs shut) (Mailbox door squeals open) Ty: (Sighs heavily) (Door squeals shut) Lou: It's just a few days, okay? Georgie: Okay. And I'll be back before you know it. Georgie: All right, have fun. Lou: And you... you be a good girl for grandpa, okay, and have fun. Amy: Hey, Lou, we gotta leave now, or you're gonna miss your plane. Lou: Okay. Bye, honey. Jack: You go ahead, Lou. There's nothing to worry about, is there, Katie? (Quick kiss) Lisa: Everything's under control. Have a good trip. Lou: Thank you. Lisa: Yeah. ♪ My heart... ♪...is overwhelmed (Engine starts) Lou: (Whispers) Bye! Georgie: Bye, mom! (Blows kiss) ♪...I start over again should you stay... ♪ Am I doing the right thing? Of course you are. ♪ Don't leave me out ♪ ♪ say you'll wait ♪ What're you doing? We used to do this all the time when we were kids. Both: (Laughing) You would tell me that if we went fast enough, then the car would lift off. Do you remember that? Yes, I do. Amy: (Laughing) What the heck... You ready? Ready. (Amy accelerates) Amy: Woo-hoo! Lou: Faster! Faster! Faster! ♪ You just know it ♪ Amy: Woo-hoo-hoo! ♪ you know, you know you just know it... ♪ Announcer: On the next Heartland... Lou wants us to pick paper, the font. Announcer: Who's the wedding planner... I'm telling you, things have to be planned in proper order. Announcer: And the wedding crasher? It's a 'save the date' to our wedding. Announcer: Heartland returns with an all new episode, Sunday February 15th on CBC.	Plan: A: Montana; Q: Where is Amy invited to do a horse clinic? A: Ty; Q: Who does Amy take on a road trip with? A: Heartland; Q: Where do Jack and Lisa live? A: the middle; Q: Where do Jack and Lisa feel caught in the show? A: Lou; Q: Who confronts Peter about his decision to choose Vancouver over Calgary? A: his career; Q: What did Peter choose to pursue in Vancouver? A: a job offer; Q: What did Peter turn down in Calgary? A: Calgary; Q: Where was Peter offered a job that would have allowed him to spend more time with his family? A: the vet clinic; Q: Where do Georgie and Jade volunteer? Summary: When Amy is invited to do a horse clinic in Montana, she and Ty take a road trip together. Meanwhile, at Heartland, Jack and Lisa feel caught in the middle when Lou confronts Peter over his decision to choose his career in Vancouver over a job offer in Calgary, which would allow him to spend more time with his family. Georgie and Jade volunteer at the vet clinic.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Veronica watches from her as Jake Kane knocks on the door of room 6 at the Camelot Motel (from 101 "Pilot"). VERONICA: [Offscreen] What do you think Mom was doing at the Cut to Veronica at the apartment having meal with her father (from 103 "Meet John Smith"). VERONICA: the Camelot motel with Jake Kane? KEITH: Veronica. Please. LEO: [Offscreen] I know all about Cut to Veronica and Leo at the Sheriff's Department (from 114 "Mars vs. Mars"). LEO: your dad and the murder investigation. VERONICA: No you do not. Lilly Kane was my best friend. LEO: A guy confessed. He said ... Cut to Veronica and Koontz at the prison from the same episode. LEO: he did it. VERONICA: You're dying, Abel. You did not kill Lilly Kane. You're just somebody's patsy. VERONICA: Did you? Cut back to Veronica and Leo from the same episode. VERONICA: How did the head of security come to Kane Software? Cut to Meg and Veronica (from 115 "Ruskie Business"). MEG: I think I have a secret admire. Cut to Veronica at the dance nodding to Meg that it's okay that her admire is Duncan. VERONICA VOICEOVER: J, Geils was right, love stinks. Cut to Veronica pulling up at the Sage Brush Cantina in Barstow, then to Veronica in the bar, finding Lianne from the same episode. VERONICA: Mom. Cut to Veronica stumbling from her mother, only to see Clarence Wiedman. End previously. The music in the scene is the Notwist's "Pick Up the Phone". SONG: You know this place, you know this gloom? We've been here before. Pick up the phone and answer me at last. Today I will step out of your past. Veronica enters her room and looks round frantically and thoroughly. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I looked for my mother for the better part of a year. I doubt that Clarence Wiedman just happened to find the same night. He did not know where to find my mother. He knew where to find me. She looks up in her box and picks a box, which she examines. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I never donated to the Wildlife Alliance, yet I kept that stupid pencil sharpener they smell. Veronica throws down the box and grabs a panda-shaped sharpener from her desk. Veronica examines it, then breaks it. There is a listening device inside. Veronica stares at it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Wiedman was listening when I booked my flight to Barstow. I should have left the ball but I did not want my mother to see me for the first time. It seemed important at the time. She takes it out of where she is in the panda's head. She flashes back to the Sage Brush Cantina in Barstow when Veronica found her mother. Her mother is trying to get away from her. VERONICA: I know who's doing it Mom, I know who's blackmailing us. Veronica struggles with Lianne and seesaw Wiedman. VERONICA VOICEOVER: He had to have seen me. He knows I've made contact. Wiedman exits the bar. Lianne stumbles and knocks over a flesh. LIANNE: I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Honey, just please go. Please go, baby. Veronica direct her mother on the bench seat of a small table. Veronica goes round the table on the other side. VERONICA: I have been searching for you for a year. I'm not going anywhere. Veronica grabs her mother and hugs her hard. Lianne hugs back. LIANNE: [Whispering] Oh, god, I've missed you so much. [Pulling out of the hug] But this is bad. This is very bad, you should not be here. VERONICA: [Tearfully] Neither should you. LIANNE: I'm trying, though, I'm trying to protect you and I can not. I can not. It's just so hard. Lianne weeps in Veronica's arms. Veronica calls out to the waitress wiping at table. VERONICA: Can we get some coffee over here please? She nods and goes off to get the coffee. VERONICA: It's okay. Mom, everything is gonna be okay. Lianne smiles hopefully through her tears. Veronica returns to the present and the chaos of her searched room. She still has the bug. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Clarence Wiedman was listening when I booked my flight to Barstow yesterday morning. Veronica has got the bug on her desk and holds a statue of a Polynesian-like man, ready to crush it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I can only hope he's listening now. Veronica breaks as she has a thought. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Or maybe, I want him listening. She puts the statue down and replaces the bug in the head of the panda. She reassembles the sharpener and places it on her desk. She breathes heavily. Cut to a basketball rising and descending into the hoop, while "A Chorus Line" by Ultramagnetic MC's plays. WALLACE: Now that was just racy. It was Wallace's shot and he is practicing in the gym. Another lad fetches the ball and returns it to him. WALLACE: Respect the jumper, Jack. Respect the jumper. Kid's got rank. JACK: Enjoy this moment, 'cause it's over now. WALLACE: I've space and opportunity. Wallace bounces the ball, ducks and dives and passes Jack, sinking another hoop. WALLACE: [Lording it over Jack] Ooo. That's your jock back there. Veronica is sitting on the floor of the gym, watching and eating an apple. Some books are spread in front of her. VERONICA: Do you need to jump back and kiss yourself? 'Cause I can wait. Wallace grimaces at her and then he and Jack knock knuckles. WALLACE: Good practice, good practice. Wallace and Jack head for the changing room. Cut to Veronica and Wallace walking down the corridor. Wallace is being fessed by passing jocks BOY # 1: Yo, bro! BOY # 2: Wallace, my man! Wallace and the boy high-five. BOY # 3: Hey, what's up Wallace. WALLACE: Good game. BOY # 4: Wassup, player? WALLACE: Um-um-um hmm. Wallace and the boy pound fists. Veronica sees all this with increasing fun. VERONICA: [Putting on her best female voice fan] They like you! They really like you! A girl is walking towards them by smoldering hots for Wallace. NADINE: Hi Wallace. WALLACE: Hi. Wallace turns out to watch his walk on by. VERONICA: Who's the hoochie? WALLACE Nadine? She's in our grade. See, you need to socialize more, that's your problem. VERONICA: [As if receiving a revelation] Wait. That's my problem? WALLACE: Yeah, I know. This school has not always been that great to you. VERONICA: The gentleman has the gift for the understatement. WALLACE: I-I'm just saying BOY # 5: Huuhh! A big lad walks straight into Wallace. This is a fun thing and Wallace returns the favor. WALLACE: Huuh! I've got a few people around here. They seem pretty cool. Maybe this school is not as bad as you think it is. They are saying that Wallace and Veronica run straight into the sight of Duncan and Meg. Duncan is holding his hands on his chest and their heads are close together as they lean against the lockers. Veronica is not happy. VERONICA: They seem friendly. She looks for her locker against the lovebirds as Wallace looks back at them. There is a tap on her shoulder. CLEMMONS: Veronica. My office. Now. Clemmons walks off leaving Veronica with Wallace. VERONICA: I love this school. Cut to Clemmons office. CLEMMONS: [Closing the door] When we arrived this morning, we discovered that Polly was gone. VERONICA: Missing or pthwt? Veronica makes the cut-throat sign for dead. Clemmons, as he heads behind his desk, is a little appalled. CLEMMONS: Missing! VERONICA: Someone stole our mascot? Clemmons nods and starts pacing behind his desk. Veronica throws up her hands. VERONICA: Well, let's get it. You [air quotes] I'm suspended or expelled, tarred, feathered- CLEMMONS: Excuse me? VERONICA: I did not take the bird. CLEMMONS: I'm not accusing you. I'm asking for your help. [Leans over her] I want you to find Polly. Veronica can not quite believe her ears. Opening credits. Back in Clemmons office, Veronica is open-mouthed as she listens. CLEMMONS: [Very serious] You know how to control the rivalry between Neptune and Pan High is. It used to be a toilet paper with a lot of things [with heavy sigh] escalated. If this is not resolved quickly and discreetly, things could get ugly. We do not really have the money to hire a professional but we have some skills. VERONICA: I do. CLEMMONS: And what do you normally charge for something like this? VERONICA: A lot. Yeah, it's gonna set you back. CLEMMONS: How far back? VERONICA: Personal letter of recommendation. I'll write it, you'll sign it. My own parking space and a separate locker, preferably in the east hall. CLEMMONS: The letter and the locker, fine. But you're not getting your own parking space. VERONICA: Can you get me out of PE? CLEMMONS: No. VERONICA: How about a few excused absences? CLEMMONS: How about one? VERONICA: I'm thinking three. CLEMMONS: Miss Mars ... VERONICA: You're the one with the missing bird. CLEMMONS: Fine. Two. Veronica holds her hand to shake the deal. CLEMMONS: And this is, obviously, a confidential matter. VERONICA: [Confidentially] It'll be our little secret. With a barely disguised grin, Veronica rises and heads for door. Just before exiting, she turns and gives Clemmons a "there, there, I'll take care of it" nod of her head. Cut to Wallace and Veronica at their lockers. Veronica's new locker is next but one to Wallace's. She is sorting through some books in her locker. Wallace is leaning against the lockers, eating a biscuit. BOY # 6: [Offscreen] Good game, Wallace. Wallace acknowledges the praise. Jack heads towards the top of the screen. He shouts as he passes by. JACK: Yo, Wallace! You hear some guys from the pan high stole our parrot? Do not take this lying down. WALLACE: They stole Polly? JACK: Gone. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I guess the secret's out. VERONICA: WALLACE: I have plenty of free time as an office help. Me and Polly, we bonded. It'll eat right from my hand. BOY # 7: [Offscreen] What's up Wallace? A hand comes out of the crowd to pat him. Wallace beams. WALLACE: I must say, I'm a little touched. You picked the locker next to mine. VERONICA: This is prime real estate. Wallace Fennel adajacent? Wallace pulls out of his locker box, about the size of a shoe box, decorated in school colors. WALLACE: I'm telling you. This school is so much better than my old one. Look at this. Wallace opens the box Veronica what is inside. There is a small stuffed frog in there, with some cookies. VERONICA: Wow, your own cookies? WALLACE: Snickerdoodles. And they just appeared in my locker, just like that. Open my locker, bam. Homemade. Yet another student high fives Wallace as he passes. WALLACE: cookies. Veronica laughs. She is enjoying his pleasure. WALLACE: And that's not all. VERONICA: ['Can it get any better?' fashion] A peeled grape? Veronica slams shut her locker and looks down on the words on the box as Wallace points out them. WALLACE: [Reading] "Go Wallace, we love you, you rock." Wallace, keeping hold of the box, slams his locker shut and they move down the hallway. VERONICA: Wow. A snack and an ego stroke. I wish I was a baller. DUNCAN: [Offscreen] Great game the other night, man. Duncan, holding Meg's hand, is intent on congratulating Wallace. Meg is not so comfortable with the moment. DUNCAN: Eighteen points, eight assists. WALLACE: On the streets, we call those dimes. VERONICA: Streets! You live on the corner of Pleasant Valley and Marigold. Wallace takes a little umbrella at Veronica's sabotaging of his cred. MEG: Hey, did you cut your hair? Veronica is still smiling when she asks me to go to the camera. VERONICA: No, I'm growing it out. Veronica's reaction has not escaped Meg and she quickly say her hands from Duncan's. MEG: Wel- anyway, it looks great. VERONICA: Thanks. DUNCAN: We gonna beat Pan, man? WALLACE: Bet on it. Duncan gives Wallace a handshake and the couple moves on. VERONICA: Can I just do something? Veronica Wallace pats hard on the back. Wallace laughs despite the biscuit filling his mouth. VERONICA: Why does everyone keep doing that to you? Seriously, it's like you're made of velor or something. From behind them, one of the basketball team run by. TEAM MEMBER BASKETBALL: Wallace, you coming or what? Wallace breaks in their strolls and turns to Veronica. WALLACE: I was gonna go hang out with some of the guys on the team at lunch. VERONICA: [Sarcastically] And ruin the sanctity of our lunch duo? You know that will send me crying to the bathroom. WALLACE: Come hang out. VERONICA: [Skeptical] At the cool jock table? Me? WALLACE: Come on. They're all right. VERONICA: Thanks, but I have other plans. Wallace nods, a little sadly but not surprised. He walks backwards away from her, leaving her alone amid the hubbub of the school hallway. Cut to another school, another planet. Veronica is a pink jacket, a white t-shirt and a short plaid plaid. The hair, it is curly. She is climbing some outside steps. VERONICA VOICEOVER: High Pan, the Un-Neptune. Just 15 miles away but there are those inland, there are no yacht clubs and no $ 5 million homes with coastal views. The parking lot is full of American-made cars from the nineties and vending machines do not carry Orangina. Cut to a large, indoor cafeteria. VERONICA VOICEOVER: People here hate Neptune as much as I do. Veronica, carrying a tray, looks around the cafeteria. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Go to any High School in America and you can tell who the popular kids are. GOTH STUDENT: Who's that? VERONICA VOICEOVER: They travel in packs of the biggest, the shiniest, and the prettiest. Veronica spots the jocks and one of the jocks spots her. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And much like wolves, they're always on the lookout for new meat. Having found her target, Veronica adopts a more girlie demeanor and pauses to show she's looking for somewhere to sit. The jock does not disappointment. RICHIE: Got some room over here! VERONICA VOICEOVER: Whoever said it was a man who had no idea how easy it is sometimes to be a girl. Veronica smiles as one of the jocks leaves to make room for her. The jock who called her over, who, surprise, surprise, is called Richie, stands as she comes over and sits down opposite him. VERONICA: I was doing the first day scout. Where to sit, where not to sit. RICHIE: This is a good choice, I promised. [Holding out his hand] I'm Richie. Veronica shakes his hand and records that his jacket is marked with the number thirteen. VERONICA: Uh-oh. Thirteen. Is it my unlucky day? RICHIE: Hardly! It's your first day and you're already at the cool table. This is Curtis. A black guy in another jock jacket sitting next to Richie shakes her hand. CURTIS: How you doing. Richie points to the guy sitting next to Veronica. RICHIE: And that's Zeke. ZEKE Hey. VERONICA: Hi. I'm [long pause] Betty. So, you guys all play basketball? RICHIE: Curtis and I do. ZEKE: I'm a team manager. Which is like being on the team. RICHIE: Which is like being near the team. VERONICA: I love basketball. I-I'm kind of a freak when it comes to sports. I totally get into it. RICHIE: Are we talking face paint? VERONICA: Face painting, hair streaking the color of the school. At my old school, I was horny. Richie double-takes and Curtis chokes on his drink. VERONICA: [Hurriedly] We were the Rhinos. I was the mascot. RICHIE: And what school was that? VERONICA: Riverdale. Richie does not get it (note: Betty, Veronica and Richie). RICHIE: Never heard of it. Oh, but hey, did you guys hear? Someone stole the Neptune parrot. The crowd around the table react excitedly. VERONICA: Parrot? And you thought rhino was weird? ZEKE: Well, they're the Pirates. So, you know, their mascot's parrot. It's yeah. RICHIE: Whoever stole it is my hero. Neptune High sucks. Believe me. VERONICA: [Genuinely] Oh, I do. RICHIE: We beat them every year. ZEKE: That was then, this is now. I tell you, that Fennel kid is amazing. VERONICA: [Momentarily dropping out of character for pride] He is? Really? RICHIE: We're not gonna lose. I guarantee it. All right? We got something special for our sleeve for Neptune. KID: Hey Richie! A younger boy runs up to the table. KID: You're not gonna believe this. They've got our goat! There are cries of "What?" and the like from around the table. RICHIE: What? KID: Neptune, man, Billy stole! It's so on! The kid runs off again at the table steams at the news. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A day in the life of a human google. Always in search mode. One moment tracking down the absurd, parrots and goats, metaphors for a school pride I do not possess Cut to the Sheriff's Department. VERONICA VOICEOVER: and an hour or two later, going after the appalling, the murderer of a teenage girl. Sheriff Lamb takes an annual marlin fishing expedition. I can not let the opportunity go to waste. As Veronica goes for a cup of coffee, she flashes back to the bar in Barstow. Lianne's coffee is being poured into a cup. WAITRESS: Just let me know if you need something else. Lianne shakily slurps down to gulp. She puts her cup down with both hands and turns to her daughter, grinning ruefully. LIANNE: How's my makeup? [She laughs and then more sombrely] I wish you were not seen me like this. VERONICA: You should have seen me last night. I was wearing blue eyeshadow. We had an eighties dance at school. LIANNE: Oh, that sounds fun. Was that fun? Veronica does not lose her stricken look. LIANNE: Well, I guess things do not just stop, do they. [Softly] There's still birthdays and dances and Christmas. VERONICA: No, there's really not. LIANNE: [Giggles] Do you remember what time you want to shave your hair like Cyndi Lauper? - VERONICA: [Earnestly] I know about you and Jake Kane. I wanna know what was between the two of you. Were you so adamant that Jake for Lilly's murder because you still had feelings for him? LIANNE Oh Veronica. VERONICA: Tell me. LIANNE: Jake was innocent. VERONICA: How do you know that? LIANNE: I just know that. VERONICA: Like in your heart because you love him? Veronica's eyes are filled with unshed tears. LIANNE: [Matter-of-factly] No. Because I was with him at the time of the murder. We were in a hotel room at the Neptune Grand. Shocked, Veronica takes a deep breath and falls back against the bench. Cut back to Veronica at the Sheriff's Department, remembering this as she stands with her coffee. Leo comes up behind her. LEO: Just so you know, in my mind that daydream was about me. VERONICA: Oh yeah? LEO: I was a little surprised you in full armor but, whatever. [He laughs] So what can I do for you? VERONICA: Ah, I need a favor. A big one. Veronica leads Leo to a more private spot. Leo glances back at his colleagues LEO: Please say you need me to take care of a parking ticket for you. VERONICA: I need you to get questioned from Lilly's murder investigation. Leo glances out again and sighs heavily. Cut to Mars Investigations. Keith comes out of the kitchen with a cup of something hot that he is stirring. Veronica is doing the filing. KEITH: You got a weird call yesterday. The bank wanted to let you know you were overdrawn. I thought you were squirreling away all that college money. VERONICA: Must be a mistake. Forgot a decimal or something? Gold I blew it on ladies and horses. KEITH: You'd tell me if there was a problem, right? VERONICA: I tell you everything. Keith smiles and pats her on the shoulder. He heads for his office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Maybe not everything. Keith turns on his way and walks backwards from his before going into the office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: There are some things you're better off not knowing. Cut to the bar in Barstow. VERONICA: Guess you could not tell Dad you were in a hotel with your ex. LIANNE: It was not like that. VERONICA: I do not matter what it's like, Mom. LIANNE: I just went there to talk to him. VERONICA: All Starbucks were closed. LIANNE: Well, it had to be in private. [A little slurred] Everything is not so easy to explain, Veronica. VERONICA: [Impatient] Could you just try? Do you think maybe I could have some real, actual answers? You left us. LIANNE: Well, a few days before, I was in your room putting the laundry. Your phone rank, the machine got it. I heard Celeste's voice. VERONICA: Celeste Kane was leaving me a message? LIANNE: She said she had important information involving me and her husband. [Snorts] Things she thought you ought to know. She did not want you to see Duncan. So I called Jake, I put him to the Neptune Grand and I told him to tell his wife to back off. [Off Veronica's look, whispering, urgently] I was protecting you. Cut back to Mars Investigations as a teary-eyed Veronica slams the filing drawer closed and swivels around toward the exit. Cut to Pan High. Richie and Zeke are arguing on their way into the cafeteria. RICHIE: Uncool, Zeke, uncool. ZEKE: It's not like that. See, now, no matter what, after the game, I'm gonna be happy. They pass "Betty" who clocks their conversation. VERONICA: What's wrong, guys? RICHIE: Well hey, Betty. I just learned that Zeke here bet $ 200 on Neptune. ZEKE: Richie! They're 14/6, we're 6/14. I mean, there's no line. I'd be crazy to pass this up. RICHIE: [Sitting] They were favored last year and we beat them. ZEKE: Okay, all I'm saying, [sitting] is I'm not one. There is a bookie that set up camp at Rest Stop Veronica also pulls up to continue listening. ZEKE: fromand from what I hear, everyone from Neptune and everyone here are gonna go out and put money on Neptune. VERONICA: RICHIE: It's halfway between here and Neptune. It's like a cross between Inspiration Point and Tijuana. It overlooks the ocean, people go there to park. More guys sell stuff out of their trunks. You can get your hands on anything - beer, weed, p0rn, car stereos. That's what I'm told. The conversation is interrupted by the excitement of the crowd at the arrival of another student, Wilson. There are lots of shouts of congratulations and applause. RICHIE: What is that all about? Why is everyone clapping for Wilson Stablers? ZEKE: Dude, he's one that stole the parrot. He's showing everyone this picture he has saved on his phone with himself and the parrot. Veronica gives a satisfied smile as she watches Wilson. RICHIE: I'm gonna go shake that man's hand. See, Zeke. That's Pan pride. Richie and Zeke head off for Wilson. Veronica follows them. Before they reach him, a cafeteria, a pulling a low, flat trolley is a large gift-wrapped box. RICHIE: What's that? VERONICA: Is this a big drop off point? Richie examines the large gift tag attached. RICHIE: [Reading] "To Pan High Cafeteria, Good Appetite, Love Neptune." Richie lifts off the lid and the sides fall away to reveal a large quantity of what appears to be wrapped meat, the wrapping being stamped "100% GOAT MEAT". We are going to eat meat patties and goat's bell. The students gasp. ZEKE: They butchered Billy. Veronica looks like the students react with horror. Cut to outside the school where Wilson is still basking in his newly-found popularity. Veronica runs up from behind him. VERONICA: Wilson! WILSON: Hello? VERONICA: [In full Betty simpering mode] I hear you're the guy to see about seeing a parrot. WILSON: Man. Word really gets around, does not it? Like Wallace, Wilson is subject to congratulations by back patting, this time from a student passing behind them. Wilson looks round smiling then returns his attention to Veronica. WILSON: You're the new girl, right? VERONICA: Word does get around. WILSON: You want to see the parrot, huh? VERONICA: I do. I just think that's so cool that anyone would do that. I mean, what do you know? WILSON: [Breathed out] Yeah. They've come to a halt in front of some outdoor lockers. Wilson shows Veronica his cell. It is a picture of him and a parrot. VERONICA: How'd you get your hands on it? WILSON: [Opening his locker] I just walked into the school, I was a student there and nobody asked me anything. Veronica notes his locker combination. VERONICA: That's so brave. [Pure Veronica] Can not believe that worked. [Back to Betty] Wilson? WILSON: Yeah? VERONICA: I hope this is not going forward but I'm planning on heading to Rest Stop 15 later, you know, to check it out. I was wondering if you'd be my tour guide. Show me around? Wilson is stunned silent at his luck and can only rapidly nod his head. VERONICA: Meet me up there? Veronica hands Wilson his phone back. He puts his jacket in his jacket. VERONICA: O'clock oven. Do not be late. Veronica playfully presses a finger on Wilson's nose. She has turned this boy to jelly. He grins and shuts his locker, then grabs his backpack, not able to tear his eyes away from her. She does a flirty wave at him. He waves back, walks backwards and, as he rounds a corner, straight into a group of students. WILSON: Sorry. As soon as it's clear, Veronica opens Wilson's locker. She searches the jacket and grabs the phone. She finds the picture. VERONICA: Bingo, Betty. [She dials] Hey it's me. [Pause] No, it's not my phone. Listen, I'm sending you a picture. [Pause] You wish. What are you doing later? [Pause] Ever hear of Rest Stop 15? [Pause] Why does not that surprise me. Cut to Rest Stop 15. The Donnas play "Fall Behind Me" in the background. SONG: I can not believe she bought it She was too close and she caught It had a point of making you forget it When you skip steps on the way up You're gonna fall behind me You're gonna cry and beg for mercy You're not ready baby And you got it now I'm getting to know her You're not ready to get away from it You're gonna cry and beg for mercy You're not ready baby And you got nothing on me There are cars parked everywhere and lots of singles and couples milling around. One couple is kissing, another walking and talking. One car with doors and windows closed has wisps of smoke escaping. The car door is open and smoke for the driver coughs. Someone is buying some stereo gear from the boot of a car. Wilson arrives, leaving his car in the midst of all this. He gets out and goes looking for "Betty". A couple of guys are throwing a football around. Wilson walks and turns, searching. He does not see Weevil coming up by the shoulder. WEEVIL: Hey there, buddy. Looking for love in all the wrong places? Weevil keeps a firm grip of Wilson. WILSON: [Intimidated] Who, me? I'm a no one. WEEVIL: Where's the bird, Wilson? I'm almost bursting with Pirate pride here. Weevil wanna punch a cracker. WILSON: What bird? WEEVIL: You want to think about that answer, man? Weevil Wilson shakes and turns Wilson to face him. He now has him by the scruff of the neck. WILSON: All right. Look, I know what you're talking about but I did not take the parrot, I swear to god. WEEVIL: Someone's going to HE-double hockeysticks. WILSON: That's not Neptune's mascot in the photo. It's from a pet store, okay. I heard that somebody took the mascot. E-everybody was making such a big deal out of it. Look, they all thought it was so cool. WEEVIL: Wait a minute. You went to a store and took a picture of yourself? WILSON: [Weakly] Yeah. All right? WEEVIL: That's with you and your partner. Go home. Weevil tosses Wilson aside. WEEVIL: Get out of here. Wilson drives off as Veronica comes from behind a car. WEEVIL: No more favours for you. Now I feel bad for this kid. VERONICA: If it's any consolation, I hate myself. PAN HIGH JOCK: [Offscreen] Hey! A white pick-up pulls into Rest Point 15, a high jock at the wheel. PAN HIGH JOCK: [To Weevil] Are you the guy? WEEVIL: Probably. The jock pulls to a stop. PAN HIGH JOCK: Hey, can you put me down for a hundred on Neptune? Weevil takes his hand out for the cash Veronica comes up behind him. The jock recognises her. PAN HIGH JOCK: Hey, Betty. Veronica gives a little wave and a rueful smile as Weevil looks at her. WEEVIL: Why do not you excuse us? Betty. We're doing some business here. Veronica nods and turns and walks away, glancing back at the transaction as she does. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Lucky for me Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica enters and falls on the small couch in the outer office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Family business. When Dad lost his job as a sheriff, he told me that he was going to stay in Neptune and he would try to make it a private investigator. That was the last straw for Mom. LIANNE: [Offscreen] Honey, I'm not feeling too great. Cut to Barstow. Lianne is pouring sugar into her coffee. VERONICA: You should have something to eat. LIANNE: That's not gonna do it. I just need a little sip of something. VERONICA: [Shaking her head] No. LIANNE: Honey, my head is pounding. It's like tangled and- VERONICA: I do not want you to, Mom. I want you to keep talking to me. What did you say about Celeste's call? LIANNE: I do not know, nothing but I Lianne gets up from the table. Veronica follows and holds onto her arm to swing in front of her. VERONICA: What happened with Jake? LIANNE: I do not know, I just, I want to make her back off. Lianne still wants to get to the bar Veronica will not move out of her way. VERONICA: How did you convince him? LIANNE: It's very complicated Veronica, I do not know how to explain VERONICA: [Desperately] Just tell me the truth! How did you convince him? LIANNE: I told you that I was trying to make you feel good again, I had a paternity test done and take him for millions. Veronica stares at her mother. VERONICA: [Voice breaking] So you know, then? Are you sure that test will prove that Jake's my father? LIANNE: [Pause] No. VERONICA: Will it prove that Dad is? Veronica is nearly hyperventilating. LIANNE: [Crying] I do not know. Distressed, mother and daughter stare at each other. Cut back to Veronica on the couch at Mars Investigation. Steps are heard at the door. Veronica looks up. It's Leo, in uniform. He comes in, smiling broadly. He hands her a gift-wrapped box as she sits up on the couch. LEO: [Sitting down with a heavy sigh] How's that for inconspicuous? They do not teach you at the academy by the way. Veronica opens the box. It is filled with tapes. LEO: That's on me. VERONICA: [Sincerely] Thank you. LEO: Yeah. That's not going to be good enough. Veronica looks at him, surprised. LEO: I hate to break you but I'm pretty sure that aiding and abetting qualifies me for a dinner date. VERONICA: Actually, it qualifies you for dinner and a movie, but you are not sohot, so LEO: Damn. They both laugh. VERONICA: Hey, do you know anything about sports betting? Veronica Leo as he leans back. LEO: A little. VERONICA: Why would a bookie take bets on a team to win straight up, no line, if one team is heavily favored? LEO: H-he would not. A bookie usually tries to find a line in the money. They make their money on commission. If a bookie accepts that they are all on one side of the line, he's well, he's going to make a killing or he's gonna get killed. VERONICA: Why would he risk it? LEO: I do not know. Maybe he knows something that people are betting, do not. Veronica takes this in. Cut to High Neptune, outdoor eating area. Veronica is sitting at one of the tables with Wallace, Jack and a couple of other guys from the basketball team. She is eating from a small box of grapes. JACK: Four years I've been going here and we've never beaten these guys. This most definitely is our year. WALLACE: You gonna eat those? Wallace grabs the box of grapes out of his hands. WALLACE: I gotta go get a book out of my car. Wallace grabs an apple from Jack's tray and puts that in his pocket. JACK: Wallace! Wallace grabs has a second unclaimed apple, again stuffs it in his pocket. WALLACE: Catch up with you guys later. Finally Wallace grabs a small bag of crisps as he jumps up from the table and hurries away. Veronica looks after him suspiciously. Cut to Wallace walking up beside some school buses. His sixth sense gives him a break and he turns round. Veronica is behind him. WALLACE: Why are you following me? VERONICA: You say following, I say taking a walk with a friend. I'm just curious to know where you're going with the apple, the potato chips and the grapes. WALLACE: Forgot about that third eye. VERONICA: So what'cha up to? Veronica catches up with him and walks on with him. WALLACE: Trust me, you do not want to know. VERONICA: Oohh. I hate to know things. Please tell me that's not done with Polish hookers. The camera twists to show their destination, a brightly painted van. Wallace smiles and opens the back doors. Inside, among chaos, is the goat. Wallace raises his hands to his head, looking at the mess. Veronica looks disbelieving at the goat and then at Wallace. WALLACE: [Getting into the van] Oh, man, what is with you? VERONICA: You stole a goat? WALLACE: They stole our parrot. Matter of principle. Unlike you, I have some school pride. VERONICA: And a goat crapping apples in the back of your buddy's van. Congratulations. WALLACE: [To the goat] Will you quit it? Veronica laughs at Wallace 's efforts to stop the goat nibbling further on the van' s soft furnishings. WALLACE: Well, this is what high school is all about. Having some fun, you know, messing around. Wallace sits back in exasperation. WALLACE: This was Jack's idea. I got stuck with the damn thing. I had it in the house and it's everything, the rug, the sofa, my Air Jordans. VERONICA: And he lived to tell the tale? WALLACE: I do not know what to do with it. It's driving me crazy. VERONICA: Bad, kidnapped goat! WALLACE: That's it? You're not gonna offer me any help? Veronica smirks, shakes her head, turns and walks away. DUNCAN: [Offscreen] Cut to Duncan in the school journalism / offices of the school paper. He has a pile of letters in his hands. DUNCAN: "Plenty of material for the" Letters to the Editor "page. [Reading] "Polly's kidnapping is more than just a juvenile school prank. Duncan hands the letter to Veronica who is perched on the desk. VERONICA: Wow. Polly wanna payback. DUNCAN: There's about twenty more just like it. Another girl, who will be named Arriana, walks towards the peer and clears her throat. ARRIANA: And now for an opposing view. [Handing a letter to Veronica] A little something for the uninformed masses. Arriana leaves. VERONICA: [Reading] "Maybe the people who think that the person who has been polly is so awful should stop and think about the person who is pregnant." Duncan comes round to Veronica. VERONICA: [Reading] "I only hope whoever took that beautiful bird had the decency to set her free." Veronica breaks to look at Duncan who snorts. VERONICA: [Reading] "And if Polly really loves them, she'll fly back to them." Veronica hands the letter to Duncan and gets off the desk to gather her bag. Duncan leans back to where Veronica was just sitting. DUNCAN: I think she's one of those SAAC girls. VERONICA: Yeah, that's gonna need a little more explanation. DUNCAN: Uh, Students Against Animal Cruelty. They threw the bucket of blood on the homecoming a couple of years ago for wearing fur. VERONICA: Bucket of blood. Have we learned nothing from "Carrie"? Duncan laughs as veronica exits. Cut to the Mars family kitchen. Veronica is baking while she listens to the interrogation tapes through headphones. KEITH: [We're typing] Jake, you know, it's routine. JAKE: Well, I already told you, Keith. I was at the Neptune Grand with Celeste. Cut to the interrogation room. KEITH: What were you doing? JAKE: You're kidding. Keith does not respond except to sit down opposite Jake at the table and look at him passively. JAKE: [Heavy sigh] I was in a room with my wife. What do you think I was doing? Come on, you know what it's like when you've got kids. Privacy just goes out the window. This is something that we do from time to time. KEITH: So you've done this before? JAKE: Yes. KEITH: So you have received, to verify that this is something you do. JAKE: [Agitated] I mean, this is insane. You should be looking for Lilly's killer, not grilling me. Cut back to Veronica. She is sprinkling cinnamon on a ball of dough in her hand, intently listening. KEITH: [On tape] Were you making love? JAKE: [On tape] Private, do not you think? KEITH: [On tape] Under the circumstances, no. Cut back to the interrogation room. Keith adjusts the tape machine. KEITH: How long did you make love for? JAKE: I'm not answering that. KEITH: You were in a room for two and a half hours. How much of that time was spent making love? JAKE: Well, I do not remember exactly. It was a while. KEITH: So what did you do when you first got into the room? JAKE: I do not know. We settled in. He gives an uncomfortable chuckle. KEITH: What does that mean? You took off your shoes, your tie JAKE: No, II put on the TV. KEITH: What was on the TV? Jake leans forward. JAKE: Why are you doing this Keith? KEITH: I'm just asking questions. Not even hard ones. JAKE: We put on the TV for noise background so we could get right to it. Okay? Now do you want a, uh, play-by-play? [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Veronica. She is placing a tray of cinnamon covered cookies in the oven and getting a tray of cookies already cooked. Wallace is standing by the open door of the apartment. WALLACE: It must be some good music. Veronica looks up as she places the tray on the counter. WALLACE: I could've painted the living room, you would not have noticed. I left my algebra book over here. Wallace rescues his book from a small bookcase. WALLACE: So, maybe you were right about the goat. Wallace sweaters out the chair the other side of the counter and sits down. He sees the hot, fresh baked cookies and grabs one, juggling it in his hand. He takes a bite, throws the biscuit back on the tray and tries to blow the heat out of his mouth while consuming the biscuit. Daylight finally dawns. WALLACE: Wait a minute. These are snickerdoodles. You're the one who's been making my spirit boxes? VERONICA: I used to be on pep squad, remember? WALLACE: [Laughs] But you think this stuff is stupid. VERONICA: You do not. Wallace goes to grab another one. Veronica slaps his hand. VERONICA: Hey, you wanna open your locker tomorrow and find an empty box? Wallace holds up his finger to indicate "only one" and melts his hard heart with his puppy dog eyes. Veronica smiles and he grabs the one he started back again, still trying to eat it despite how hot it is. WALLACE: Um-um-um, the girl can bake. VERONICA: That she can. Hey, are you picking your mom up from work today? WALLACE: Yeah. VERONICA: Can you do me a favor without asking any questions? WALLACE: Is not that the bedrock upon which our friendship was founded? Veronica goes into the lounge area and picks up a large plant that she gives to Wallace. VERONICA: When you're at Kane Software, go to Clarence Wiedman's office. Put this on his assistant's desk. It's from her secret to admire. WALLACE: Um, um, should I wait for a tip? Cut to Veronica who is now dressed up to go out for the evening. As she applies her lip gloss, she listens to another tape. CELESTE: [On tape] I do not understand why you could not talk at the same time. KEITH: [On tape] I'm sorry, Celeste, it's department policy. Cut to the interrogation. KEITH: How long were you in the hotel? CELESTE: Two and half hours. KEITH: That's just what Jake said. CELESTE: Well we were there together. KEITH: Can I get some water or something? CELESTE: [Weary] No, KEITH: Celeste, it's just routine. You do not have to worry. Just answer the questions. CELESTE: If it's routine, then just talk to Jake. I do not understand why you have to talk to me. KEITH: The two of you were together in the room? CELESTE: Yes. KEITH: And what did you do when you got there? CELESTE: We had some champagne. On the patio. KEITH: From room service. CELESTE: No, we brought it from home. KEITH: Do you usually bring your own champagne to the Neptune Grand. CELESTE: We do not usually have to stay at the Neptune Grand. S-special opportunity. KEITH: Do you remember what was on TV that afternoon? CELESTE: Trust me, Keith, we were not watching TV. Cut back to Veronica, absently applying this blusher. Keith comes in. KEITH: [Doing Bogart] Grab your lip gloss and your pepper spray, sweetheart. Your date's here. Veronica removes the headphones, turns and smiles at her father. Cut to the restaurant. A small light jazz combo plays. Veronica and Leo enter. LEO: In my culture, Chinese food is always followed by gelato. VERONICA: I do not remember you brokering in a dessert stop. LEO: Getting out of the car was a tacit agreement. They kiss. WAITRESS: Right this way. VERONICA: Breath mint, smooth. LEO: That's all I wanted. The waitress shows them in the middle of the restaurant. Veronica does not notice, at the table against the wall, nearest her table, Meg and the Kanes. MEG: Veronica? Veronica turns her head and sees them. MEG: Uh, hey. Meg gets out of her flesh and walks over to Veronica. MEG: Look at you, you look gorgeous. Meg gives Veronica a sweeping hug. It is apparent that Veronica is not so much enthusiastic about the idea of hugging Meg. Meg senses it too. She steps back. MEG: Hey, Leo. You know Duncan, right? LEO: No. DUNCAN: Yeah, uh, no. Hey. Duncan stands and Leo shake hands. LEO: How ya doing? There's an awkward silence. VERONICA: Th-uh, these are Duncan's parents, Mr and Mrs Kane. Jake and Celeste are sitting on the bench against the wall and so do not rise. Leo bends over the table to shake Jake's hand. JAKE: How ya doing? LEO: [To Jake] How's it going? [To Celeste] Hi. MEG: Hey, well, um, enjoy. Everyone returns to their seats. LEO: [Quietly, as they sit] Maybe we should find something a little cosier. VERONICA: It's fine. WAITRESS: Good evening. The waitress hands them menus. Veronica looks over at the Kane table. Celeset is glaring at her. LEO: Are you sure this is okay? VERONICA: It's perfect. Cut to Barstow. Lianne is having a cigarette and Veronica lean against the building. LIANNE: the day Lilly died, round the exact time, actually, Jake and I were in that motel room. Out of nowhere, Celeste bursts in. She'd been following Jake around. She's screaming, saying these horrible things, I just got out of there. VERONICA: You do not see them again? LIANNE: No. Well actually, I went to the ladies room in the lobby and when I came out, I saw Celeste storming out of the lobby. Veronica rests her head on Lianne's shoulder. LEO: [Offscreen] You see anything you like? Veronica is brought back to the restaurant. She is directly in charge of Leo in response to his question. VERONICA: [Genuinely] Yes I do. Veronica smiles and looks at the menu before her thoughts at the Kanes. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Celeste told my father she was in the hotel with Jake for two hours. [Celeste glances at Veronica] The way my mother tells it, she was there for 20 minutes, tops. So what if Celeste say my mom in the lobby? What better way to control my mother than have Clarence Wiedman take pictures of me in a rifle-sight. Maybe it was not a paternity issue. [Veronica catches Celeste's eye again] Maybe it was an alibi issue. Maybe it was both. Cut to Neptune High. The Neptune High channel is on again, featuring a female student broadcaster. Veronica enters a classroom. It is peopled with SAAC girls. TV: Bear ot ot ot ot ot::: Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big And on a more serious note, the SACs are coming up Arriana is lecturing one of her group. ARRIANA: I do not want to hear about your protein deficiency, Marsha. You eat eggs, you might as well eat baby. VERONICA: Arriana? Hi. I just wanted to let you know, I really liked your letter. ARRIANA Really? Arriana huffs as she turns to look at Veronica. Veronica is wearing a jacket with fur trim on the collar. Arriana's lackeys around her are supercilious. VERONICA: Yeah, really. Veronica gets the hint and removes her jacket. She puts in the desk behind her. ARRIANA: I'm sorry. I have a hard time believing that someone who was a coward so she could wear butch boots cares about a parrot. VERONICA: My boots are not butch. ARRIANA: But they are leather. VERONICA: Let me cut to the chase. Do you know anything about Polly? ARRIANA: Yeah. I know that she is better off in a cage. VERONICA: Is it better off scrounging for food when it's used to having it provided for her? Arriana is not listening. She is smirking as she watches something going on behind Veronica. There is much excited whispering. SAAC GIRL # 1: Come here. SAAC GIRL # 2: Do it. Put it under there. Veronica looks behind her. Two of the girls have her jacked in a paper guillotine and are about to slice off the fur collar of her jacket. VERONICA: It's fake fur, you freaks. Veronica rescues her jacket as she's checking it, the broadcast is interrupted by static. The screen clears to reveal Pan High gym, from the head of Pan painted on the floor and Polly in her cage. A pair of shoes can be seen before the camera up to reveal a hooded man. TV: Bwha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Greetings from your masters at Pan High. If Wallace Fennel plays in tomorrow night's game, Polly the parrot will die. We are going back to your regular scheduled program. The screen goes static for a moment and then the female broadcaster returns. TV: by the Dance Committee and a school wide vote will choose the winner. Cut to the outside area. Weevil and some of his boys are lounging on the bottom of a terrace wall. Veronica is at the top of the world and we are down to whisper in Weevil's ear. VERONICA: How's our feathered friend? WEEVIL: Excuse me? VERONICA: You took the parrot, did not you? You're taking the money on a team everyone thinks will win. Why would you have that unless you knew that Wallace, our best player, would not play? WEEVIL: You know, I always knew you for me. VERONICA: I'm gagging on the inside. WEEVIL: Come on, Veronica. Do I look that smart? I'm just a simple bookie. Veronica rolls her eyes. WEEVIL: I got both sides of the line covered. And ask yourself this. Why would I help you find the parrot if stealing the parrot was my secret plan, huh? Weevil shakes his head and wanders off. Cut to Wallace at his locker. He slams it shut, turns, and slides down the wall to sit against the lower locker. Veronica joins him. WALLACE: This just sucks. VERONICA: I have to say, it really does. WALLACE: Coach called me to his office and said I should play. All the guys want me to play. But my playing is not really a big deal. Jack's good. He was a starter last year. VERONICA: What do you want to do? WALLACE: You know I want to play. But it's not worth Polly's life. I can not do it. I can not play. VERONICA: Would it cheer you up if I brought back the goat? WALLACE: [Smiles] Yeah, it would. Cut to Meg bent over a computer keyboard. Veronica enters. VERONICA: I need your help with something. MEG: Hey. Um, sure. Whatever you need. VERONICA: How was your broadcast interrupted? MEG: I do not know. When there's no breaking news, we record the show the night before. VERONICA: So, who did it come in? MEG: They must have. Wow. We actually kinda just had a conversation. Veronica takes a deep breath. MEG: See, that's what you do now. [Sighs heavily] You take that deep breath like you're preparing for battle or something. VERONICA: [Abrupt] I was just breathing. Veronica backs away from Meg and heads for the door. MEG: I want everything to be okay between us. VERONICA: It is. We just run in different circles. MEG: It does not have to be like that. VERONICA: It does. I'm not prepared for forgive and forget, I can not just start chumming around with people who have been ignored and mocked me for a year. That's just not me. MEG: Well, we can have our own circle without them. VERONICA: Maybe. Veronica smiles a little. Cut to a computer screen. Meg and Veronica are looking at the broadcast of the hooded man and Polly. VERONICA: Well, whoever they are, they've done a stellar job at concealing their identity. Jacket, mask, gloves. No visible "Hello, my name is" sticker. MEG: Hey, maybe there's something on the floor? It's really shiny, maybe there's a reflection. Meg expands part of the picture. VERONICA: Wait a sec, what's that? MEG: What? VERONICA: On the sneaker. MEG: I think it's just dirt. Or maybe not. The number thirteen can clearly be seen on the sneaker. Meg and Veronica look at each other VERONICA: I need a basketball program. Meg nods. Cut to outside the gym. The game is starting soon. Clemmons is hanging around. He hears a concussion and a bleating goat. Veronica walks with the parrot in its cage in one hand, the goat lead in the other and the envelope between her teeth. She heads for Clemmons as the crowd responds. PAN HIGH STUDENT: Good job, Betty. CLEMMONS: Who is this Betty? Clemmons takes the parrot and the envelope. VERONICA: Beats me. There's Polly and mascot bonus. And those are some photos for Coach. CLEMMONS: Who had Polly? The High Pan High School Basketball Team has arrived at the roaring of the High School Pan. VERONICA: Give me one sec, okay? Veronica walks over to them. RICHIE: Betty, you made it. VERONICA: Richie, you're a really great guy and if the kids are at that school, I'd wanna be popular. I know that sounds weird but it's a huge compliment. So good luck tonight. You're gonna need it. Wallace Fennel has a killer crossover. But it's really his sweetness and purity of spirit that makes him unbeatable. Veronica smiles serenely and turns to walk away. Richie looks confused. PAN HIGH JOCK: [Offscreen] What did she just say to you? RICHIE: Beats the hell out of me. Veronica heads back to Clemmons goal passes, heading for Neptune's team. They are all kitted out to play Wallace has his track on his gear. He is giving Jack a pep talk. VERONICA: You better warm up, Fennel. WALLACE: You got Polly back? VERONICA: I kinda rock. [To Jack] I know what you're thinking Jack. Aarrgh. Whoever made it death threat video forgot to cover the number thirteen on his sneakers. Wallace and the rest of the team listen with growing consternation and mutterings. In the meantime, Clemmons and the coach are examining the photos. VERONICA: There are two thirteens following up tonight. Your Pan Counterpart believes that a kid named Wilson stole the parrot. JACK: Why would I steal our own parrot. VERONICA: Easy. With Wallace sitting out, you'll be back to being a starter. As a point guard, you can control the score of the game. You know, like you did last year when you hit those two free throws in the final minute. How much money did you make against your own team last year? JACK: You went in my room? I mean is not like breaking and entering or something? VERONICA: I told you I was a cheerleader and we needed Polly for the game tonight. She let me in. JACK: She's crazy man. COACH: Picture of the Pirate Trophy Pride next to the parrot, Jack. VERONICA: You're the guy covering all of Weevil's bets. There are dollars of dollars bet on this game. You're pretty screwed here, Jack. JACK: Guys. CLEMMONS: Come with me, young man. JACK: Wallace, man. Wallace, disappointed, shakes his head as Clemmons take Jack away. He looks up at Veronica and smiles his gratitude. COACH: Okay, Wallace, you're in. WALLACE: Yes sir. Wallace strips down to his playing kit, excited. The team file into the gym. COACH: Let's go, let's go, let's go! VERONICA: Go kick some ass, Air Fennel. They tap fists and Veronica pats him on the bottom as he enters. Veronica turns away from the gym and pauses. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Ah, the big game. Another high school that makes me want to eat rocks. Being surrounded by screaming, foam-fingered spirits freaks who hate me hardly sounds thrilling goal for Wallace, this is his shining moment. So what's it gonna be girlie girl? She comes to a decision, turns into the gym. Cut to Veronica's room as she enters and sits at her desk. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I've been working almost every day since I started working for Dad. I know I can not count on college money and know it can not be offered. It's gone now. I had a year at San Diego State, a year at Stanford and a semester at the Sorbonne. Lets hope it's worth it. Cut to a center rehab. Veronica is signing a consent form. REHAB RECEPTION: We want you to pay in full upfront. Veronica gets out of her check book. Lianne is sitting behind her. She rushes up to Veronica. LIANNE: Wait. Wait. I had a- This- I do not need you to- This is not right, Veronica VERONICA: Mom LIANNE: I can figure this out. I can kick this on my own. There is nothing that can not do me. I do not want you to have to do this. VERONICA: [Tearfully] I want you to come home. I miss you. LIANNE Okay. Okay. They hug. LIANNE Okay. Veronica writes the check. Blend to Veronica in her room. VERONICA: Dad, can you come in here for a minute? Keith enters and stands at the door. KEITH: I really need to get you there. [Holding up a newspaper] Looks like Neptune beat the hell out of Pan last night. VERONICA: Yeah. I want you to answer me something, honestly. KEITH: Sure, honey. Keith comes into the room and sits. VERONICA: Do not get mad and do not blow me off, just answer me, please. KEITH: Okay. VERONICA: Why would a person agree to confess to a murder he did not commit? KEITH: Veronica. Veronica 's eyes plead with him. He gives a heavy sigh. KEITH: Money, a lot of it. VERONICA: But if you're not going to spend money, what does it matter? KEITH: Well, maybe there's someone else. Someone you care about who will be around after that person. Veronica nods. Her father sighs heavily again, then gets up from the flesh and leaves the room. Veronica picks up the bug. VERONICA: Wait, Dad, you know what? I think I know who's collecting the money from Abel Koontz's confession. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Now we'll learn how to follow suit if my special rubber tree is delivered to the desktop of my choice. Veronica is wearing an earpiece. WIEDMAN: [Through earpiece] Lois. Get me Amelia DeLongpre. LAWS: [Through earpiece] Yes, Mr Wiedman. Veronica uses Zowie Planet search engine and types in "Amelia DeLongpre" and "Abel Koontz". VERONICA VOICEOVER: Let's see what the connection is between Amelia DeLongpre and Abel Koontz. VERONICA VOICEOVER: What do you know. In the entire internet universe, there's only one document that peers them. The entry is from the Neptune Register, dated May 23, 2001 concerning Stella Koontz, aged 78. VERONICA VOICEOVER: [Reading] "She leaves behind her Abel Koontz of Neptune and granddaughter Amelia DeLongpre. " Abel Koontz has a daughter? End.	Plan: A: Parrot; Q: What is Polly the mascot? A: Veronica; Q: Who checks her mother into an alcohol rehab program? A: Pan High; Q: What is the name of Neptune High's rival school? A: an inpatient alcohol rehabilitation program; Q: What does Veronica check her mother into? A: her college savings; Q: What did Veronica use to pay for her mother's alcohol rehab? A: Lianne; Q: Who admits that she does not know if Veronica's father is Keith or Jake? Summary: When someone steals Neptune High's mascot, Polly the Parrot, Veronica goes undercover at Neptune High's rival school, Pan High. Veronica checks her mother into an inpatient alcohol rehabilitation program , using her college savings to fund the cost. Lianne admits that she does not know whether Veronica's father is Keith or Jake.
(Bailey is standing in the hall motionless while everyone and everything moves around her) MVO: No one believes their life will turn out just kind of ok. We all think we're going to be great. And from the day we decide to become surgeons, we are filled with expectation. Expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make. Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go, and then we get there. (Derek and Meredith are having dinner at Burke and Cristina's house. Cristina is up on the counter eating cereal while the rest are at the table with good food and wine) Burke: Meredith, would you like seconds? Meredith: I'm great. Maybe Cristina would like some. Cristina would you like some? Burke: I only made dinner for 3. Meredith: You just said there was seconds. Derek: This is...awkward. Meredith: You know, we could go, and you two could talk. Cristina: We're talking. Meredith: To each other. You're enjoying your meal at the international house of silence? Burke, you have to feed Cristina. She doesn't cook and she will starve. Cristina: I've got cereal! Meredith: You two live together. Someone has to be the first to speak. Burke: I am giving a dinner party. If she wants to sit there she can sit there. Let's just enjoy our evening and talk about something else. Derek: I heard a crazy rumor today from one of the scrub nurses that Richard was retiring. Burke: It's an interesting rumor. (Cristina snorts in disbelief) Derek: What? It's true? Richard's going to name a new chief of surgery? Cristina: He asked Burke. But Burke took himself out of the running which apparently is my fault for being part of the team. Derek: He asked you? Burke: Who wants desert? (Seattle scenes) (Derek and Meredith are at her house) Meredith: It's so sad. She's not talking to him. He's not talking to her either. Derek: He said that when he retired I would become Chief. No, no. He asks Burke. Meredith: I don't think they're going to make it. Derek: He said "Shep you're my man". Not Burke. Meredith: How can two people be in a relationship and not talk? Derek: I am supposed to be chief. (Izzie knocks on George's door) Izzie: George. Can I come in? I made you some cookies and brownies and muffins of course. I always make muffins. (Callie comes out of George's room) Callie: Thank God you're here. I can't take any more. Three times already tonight and he's getting ready for a fourth. Izzie: Are you talking about...oh. Callie: Yeah I'd get it if he were all crying and depressed. Everyone deals in different ways but this is not grieving. This is my legs being bent in ways my legs do not go. And i know. I know his dad died. I know. I get it. I feel horrible, but ow ow ow. Izzie: I'm going to give you guys some privacy. Callie; No. You stay. You take over for me ok? Izzie: Callie Torres! Callie; No. Not like that. I am giving him to you ok? You are now officially on George Watch 2007. You are his friend. Yay. I need a break. And I need to heal I need to heal. Izzie: No. What am I supposed to do? George: Callie? Callie: Thank you. Goodbye. (George comes out naked) George: What is taking you so long...oh. Where is she? Izzie: She had to go. Are you hungry? (Seattle scenes) (Alex walks up to Addison in the hall) Alex: Hey. Addison: Oh. Dr. Karev. Hello. Alex: What's wrong with you? Addison: No I'm good. I'm good�I'm...all good. Alex: You've been avoiding me for a week. Addison: No. I have not. Alex: Ok, fine. Forget it. (He leaves and Callie passes Addison on the stairs) Addison: I kissed Karev. Callie: George has become a sx machine. (Locker room) Izzie: George has turned into a sx machine. Are you hearing me? A machine of sx. We have to do something. What's wrong with you people? Meredith: Derek kept me up all night with his ranting. Cristina and Burke still aren't speaking to each other. Cristina: Oh you know what? I'm fine. I'm just not going to be the first one talking. He's going to be the first cause I'm in the right. Talking first is for losers. I'm winning. Meredith: And Alex. I don't know what's wrong with Alex. Alex: Nothing wrong with me. I'm all good. Izzie: Let me just remind you that I'm still recovering from the death of my fianc�, the demise of my surgical career, the fact that I was forced to deposit an $8 million check that I was saving for a good cause even though I haven't found a good cause. I'm the only one here under the care of a shrink. I could blow any minute. Now, George's dad has died. He's turned into a sx machine. I'm going to need a little help with that so one of you better pull it together. (George walks in all frantic) George: Hey anyone seen Callie. I kind of need to see her for something. (George and Izzie are walking through the hall) Izzie: Last I heard, perpetual sx was not one of the five stages of grief. Denial is though. George: That's not what I...You shouldn't be listening at other people's doors. Izzie: You were in the hallway naked. I saw you. George: I blocked that out. (They walk up to Addison) Izzie; Denial. Dr. Montgomery is sx another form of denial? Addison: What do you know? George: That you have a GYN patient here that you want us to see. Addison: That's right. That's right, I do. Shall we. (Richard enters the elevator) Derek: Chief! Bailey: Chief! Derek: I gotta talk to the chief. Bailey: So do I and I was here first. Richard: I have a meeting to get to. A very important meeting. Bailey: I'll talk quickly. Richard: You can get in too Shepherd if you're fast. Derek: Mine's not fast, mine's epic. Richard: Then it'll have to wait. Bailey: Why are you wearing a tie? And why are you smiling like that? Richard: You have the length of this elevator ride Miranda. Use it well. Bailey: I have two words for you Chief�free clinic. Richard: What? Bailey: I want Seattle Grace to open a free clinic. I know, it's a big undertaking... Richard: This isn't even surgical, Bailey: I've done all the research. Richard: Miranda, there's all kinds of hoops to jump through. Funding, you have to get the departments heads ok. Bailey: Well if I get the support, will you consider this? Richard: I'll think about it. I can't imagine why you want to take this on. You're a surgeon. I've go to get to my meeting. (Jillian's room) George: Your chart says you've been having some pain and bleeding? Rachel: She has, for weeks. Jillian: It's not a big deal. Rachel: I had to drag her in here. Jillian: On our one day off from the restaurant. Rachel: Just let the doctors check you out. A lot of doctors. She needs three people for a pap smear? Addison: Actually it's not a pap smear. It's a pelvic exam. And since this is a teaching hospital I was going to have one of the interns do the exam, but if you're uncomfortable with that... Jillian: No it's fine. I'm helping you guys learn something right? Addison: Stevens? Izzie: Ok, Julie. I'm just going to warm the speculum for comfort, so if you'll just relax your knees. Jillian: You don't have to stay here if you don't... Rachel: Of course I'm staying. We do everything together. Might as well do this. Jillian: Rachel and I were born two days apart. Izzie: It's nice that your friendship has stayed so strong. Rachel: Cradle to grave right? Jillian: Cradle to grave. Izzie: Just relax this muscle for me. You're going to feel the speculum. Dr. Montgomery. Addison: Ok uh... Rachel: Jilly... Jillian: Wait. He didn't get to look. George: I don't have to. Jillian: This is a teaching hospital right? He should learn. Addison: Dr. O'Malley. Rachel: Ok, what do you have up there? Is she pregnant? Oh my god, if you're pregnant. Jillian: No I'm not pregnant. Am I? Addison: No. (Outside Jillian's room) George: I could see the tumor. With my naked eye, I could see the tumor. Izzie: I've never seen a cervical tumor that large. (Rachel walks out) Rachel: Does she have cancer? Izzie: It'll take hours to get the biopsy results back. Rachel: If she has cancer, you need to tell me. Cause if you tell me in front of her, I'll start crying. And when I cry, she cries. George: If she has family, parents...you should call them. You should call them now. Rachel: Her parents...we left home. We both left home when we were 16, and we haven't been back. We don't speak to them. It's complicated. Izzie: It's just that Jilly...in situations like these, she might change her mind. She might want her family. Rachel: I am her family. She is my family. I am not contacting her parents and neither are you. (Jim's room) Mark: Jim, annoying interns. Annoying interns, Jim. Jim is semi-comatose and has stage three decubitus ulcers. Alex: Bedsores? Mark: Right. So he's going to need to be debrieded, have his dressings changed, and have his position changed every two hours. Meredith: Every two hours? By the time we finish we'll just have to start again. Mark: I'm crying on the inside. Alex: Can't the nurses help? Mark: They could but I like nurses. They're helpful and smart and already good at their jobs. So as a going away gift to them, I'm going to let you hang with Jim while I go do one last rhinoplasty at Seattle Grace. I do like to leave a city a little prettier than when I came. (Mark leaves) Alex: Did he just say he was leaving? As in quitting? (Bailey walks up to Derek) Bailey: Dr. Shepherd? Derek: Dr. Bailey. how was your meeting with the Chief? Bailey: That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. There's a project I'm trying to get off the ground. I'd like to open a free clinic. Derek: Why? Bailey: Because I want to. And I could use your support. Derek: Ah, see that kind of project requires logistical, strategic and administrative components. Something the Chief does. Apparently I'm not cut out for that kind of work. So, you're going to have to take it to someone else. (Callie walks up to Cristina) Callie: How's George? Cristina: Dealing I guess. Callie: Well he sure has a voracious appetite. Christina: You know, some people bake, others eat. Callie: No not that appetite, I mean the other appetite. Cristina: Whoa. Ok. We're not friends, you and I. We're not friends. Please don't talk to me about what George eats. Callie: Ok I was just concerned and I thought you'd be concerned. But you know what? Forget it. I don't like you Cristina: Oh, now me feelings are hurt. (ER) Cristina: Steve Beck, 32. Right patellar dislocation secondary to a fall while running a marathon. Steve: Paramedics told me I blacked out. Callie: Any theories as to how Mr. Beck here passed out? Cristina: No sign of head injury. his BP was low in the field. 80/60. Callie: Athletes have low BPs. Cristina: Well in that case it's probably dehydration. Steve. I drank a lot along the way. Callie: What else did you do today? Steve: Ate a couple of protein bars. Took a couple of aspirin for this cold I'm fighting. I got another race next month. OH! (Callie's snapped his leg back in place.) Callie: All right, put him in a patellar brace, get a couple of post-reduction films and run some labs. Make sure he's not too dehydrated. And Steve, next time you have a cold, you might want to skip the race. Steve: Never. (Izzie and George are walking through the hall) Izzie: You gonna be ok with this? Working on a cancer case? George: Yeah. Why? Izzie: Cause of your dad. (He sees Callie in the hall) George: Callie! Hey. Callie: Hi. Uh, sorry. Busy. Izzie. (Callie rushes off) George: Is she avoiding me? Izzie: Maybe. I don't know. But I'm here. If you want to talk. I know you're sad. George: I don't want to talk about that. Izzie: George I'm your friend. I'm trying to help you. George: Why are you making this about you? Izzie: It's not about me. It's about me wanting to talk about you needing so much sx that your girlfriend's vg1n* is broken. George: Puritans. Izzie: I'm not a puritan. George: Izzie... (He turns her around to see a man and woman that appear to be from some devout Amish community) George: Do you need some help? (The man replies in Pennsylvanian Dutch) George: Pardon? Man: Our daughter is here somewhere. Izzie: What's her name? We'll look her up for you. Woman: Jillian Millar. Jilly. (Jillian's room) Rachel: Don't worry, if this was something serious, I can switch my shift at the restaurant. Maybe work nights instead of days. Jillian: Mom? Dad? Mom: Hello Jilly. Rachel: What are you doing here? You called her parents? I told you not to. Izzie: No, I didn't. Jillian: It's ok Rach. She meant well. Rachel: (speaking Dutch) She's fine. We're fine. We don't need you. Jillian: They can't talk to you remember? Rachel: Right. I'm shunned. Can't give an inch can you? All these rules. Addison: Jilly, I have your test results. I'm sorry, you are? Jillian: My parents. Father: It is�it is cancer? Addison: We'll have to perform a radical hysterectomy. Rachel: Surgery? Jillian: It's ok Rach. Mom: But how did...how does it get this badly? Rachel: Jilly doesn't want you here ok? Jillian: Rachel it's ok. Rachel: They're just here to make you go back with them. Is that what you want? Do you want to go back there? Jillian: Mom, Dad. You should go. Mom: But you're having surgery. Jillian: I know but�you coming...was a mistake. Please go home. (In Dutch) This pains me. (Meredith is talking with Mark at the nurse's station) Meredith: You're quitting? Mark: As soon as I find the Chief and hand him my letter of resignation. Meredith: Why? Mark: I hate it here. I hate the town. I hate the weather. I hate the people. They're mean. They're unforgiving. Meredith: Uh huh. The people of Seattle are unforgiving or are Derek and Addison? Mark: What's your point? Meredith: What about your contract? Mark: My non-binding verbal agreement with Richard? Yeah. I'm breaking that. Meredith: Well it's not as if he's going to be around to enforce it so... Mark: What do you mean? Meredith: Well rumor has it he's stepping down so� Mark: The chief? Well who's going to take his place? Meredith: Why do you care? You're leaving anyway. (Addison and Derek are talking) Derek: When Richard asked you to come out here, what did he use for bait? Addison: He told me I would have the foremost neonatal intensive care unit west of Manhattan. Derek: Ok, he didn't say anything about being Chief. Addison: What do you know? Derek: Nothing. I know what you know. Addison: You're lying. Alex: Dr. Montgomery. Addison: I'm busy now Karev. (She walks off) Alex: (Loudly)When you get a minute I'd like to talk about the kissing. (Cristina enters Jim's room) Cristina: Who'd you piss off? Meredith: Sloan. Cristina: Nice. Alex: You got anything good? Cristina: Not even a fracture. You think a guy that passes out while running, I'd at least get a fracture. Burke: Anyone available to assist me on a truncus arteriosis surgery? Alex: Yeah. Meredith: Yes absolutely. Burke: Good. Then the first one of you to accurately describe the condition will get to scrub in. No one knows the answer. That's too bad. It'll probably be years before we see another one like this. Oh well. Cristina: It's a single arterial trunk coming from the ventricles. How could you not know that? Alex: How could you not say it? (Burke and Derek are in the scrub room) Burke: I'm sorry you had to find out about that chief thing that way. Derek: You mean after the fact? It's not the first time. Burke: I couldn't go to anybody about my hand. I didn't know who I could trust. I was stuck. Derek: Yeah. Well now you're not. Hand's all better and you can operate. You can even run for Chief. Life is good again. Burke: No, I'm not going to try for Chief. I'm looking for...answers. Derek: Well the Chief asked you once already. I don't see why he wouldn't do it again. Burke: Look I couldn't take the job. It wouldn't be...it wouldn't be right. Derek: Well if something's right or not, it doesn't seem to matter in this place. (ER) Cristina: Your labs show that you are significantly dehydrated and your muscles are breaking down a bit. We just want to make sure that the fluids help get everything back to normal before we send you home. Steve: Well my knee's going to be ok right? Cause I blew this race, I gotta win the next one. Cristina: Your x-rays look fine. Your knee should be ok in about 3 weeks. You might want to try some PT. Steve: It's really sore. Cristina: The knee? Steve: Yeah, my calves too. Cristina: Oh well... your brace is probably a little too tight. (She lifts the covers to reveal his two HUGE legs) You've got extreme swelling in both legs. Get Torres now. Callie: What the hell happened? Cristina: He was complaining of leg pain. Steve: Please just make it stop. Cristina: I can't find a pulse. Callie: Ok, open a cut-down tray. Gloves. All right I need you to do everything exactly as I do ok? Steve? Listen to me. This is going to hurt. If you want to keep your legs I need you to hold them still. Can you do that? Alright Hold his legs.Follow my lead. (Callie takes a scalpel and cuts a line down his calf while he's still awake, and Christina follows suit. Steve cries out in pain) (Steve's room) Richard: His kidneys are failing. Why in the hell is this progressing so rapidly? Callie: Damn it. Chief: What? Callie: The aspirin. Because of the marathon and his dehydration his muscles are breaking down and the aspirin is accelerating the process. His whole system's crashing. Richard: The toxins in his system are gonna kill him. I need to put in a dialysis under fluoro. Lets get this man to an OR now people. (Izzie and George are at the nurse's station) Izzie: You wanna grab lunch? George: Actually I was just hoping I could grab lunch with Callie. Have you seen her? Izzie: No but... George: I think I'm going to page her. Izzie: George... George: Izzie. Izzie: They're still here (Jillian's parents) George: They're her parents. Where else are they going to go? Actually I'm going to find Callie. (Alex walks up to Addison in the hall) Alex: Dr. Montgomery. Addison: Now's not a good time Karev. (He drags her into a closet) Karev what are you doing? Alex: Listen all right. You kissed me. You kissed me and ever since you've been avoiding me. Addison: Alex... Alex: You've been avoiding me because you just assume that I want you. You expect that everyone who you look sideways at is pining after you right? Has it even occurred to you that maybe I'm not even interested. Addison: You're not interested? Alex: You think I want to be just another intern sleeping with an attending? Addison: You kissed me back. Alex: You're my boss. I mean, what did you expect me to do? Look Sloan's had me changing bandages all day and I would way rather be scrubbing in on one of your surgeries. And if you keep avoiding me, then I don't get to scrub in. So stop avoiding me. It happened. And it doesn't have to happen again. Addison: All right. Alex: All right. (Derek walks up to Mark) Derek: Rumor has it you're headed back to New York. Mark: Where'd you hear that? Derek: Good news travels fast. Actually I was going to ask you to scrub in on a peripheral nerve reconstruction. But since it's your last day� Mark: It isn't and I'd love to. Derek: What�I thought� Mark: I was going. Now I'm not. Rumor has it there's a race for Chief. Derek: Where'd you hear that? Mark: Good news travels fast. Especially when you have a chatty girlfriend. Anyway, see you later. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cristina and Callie in the scrub room) Cristina: Have you done that before? Callie: Sliced a guy's legs open while he was awake? No. Cristina: Impressive. Callie: You too. Not that we're friends or anything. Cristina: So you said I should be concerned. About George... Callie: He doesn't talk...about his dad. We don't talk about anything really. Cristina: Talking's overrated. Callie: So you and Burke still aren't...George told me. Cristina: So you talked about that. Callie: Yeah a week ago. If this keeps up, you and Burke might be the last thing we ever talk about. So what's the last thing you and Burke talked about? Silence is overrated. (Jillian's room) Izzie: Where's Rachel? Jillian: She went to go make some phone calls. Try to get her shifts covered. Izzie: You know Jilly, your parents are still here. Jillian: They are? Izzie: And I'm not the one who called them. Jillian: Yeah. Izzie: You called them right? And I'm guessing they had to fly in from somewhere. So you called them what...yesterday, the day before? Jillian: I went to the ER a while ago. And they told me to see an oncologist. But, I couldn't afford my rent let alone pay a bunch of medical bills. But, then I got scared. Izzie: You called your parents. Jillian: I didn't know what else to do. Izzie: You sent them away because... Jillian: Rachel's my best friend. And after she was baptized, she decided to leave the community. Which means she's shunned. But I couldn't let her go out in the world all by herself. Izzie: So you're shunned too? Jillian: No. I hadn't been baptized yet. But Rachel, she'll never... Izzie: Do you want to go back? Jillian: I think about it. It's my home you know? If I'm dying, I want an Amish funeral. I want to be buried in the white dress and I want everybody to be there. Izzie: It's your home. Jillian: But...I made a promise to Rachel. Cradle to grave. (Jillian's surgery) Izzie: How did Jilly let it get this far? Addison: It's frustrating isn't it? And it's entirely preventable. And treatable if you catch it in time, but you've got to catch it. Bailey: Which is why I want to open a clinic. If she'd had access to a free clinic she probably would have had a pap smear every year and she wouldn't be dealing with infertility and premature menopause at the tender age of 23. George: You want to open a free clinic? Izzie: At Seattle Grace? Why? Bailey: Illness caught early means fewer unnecessary surgeries. Fewer unnecessary deaths. Izzie: But why? Bailey: Because. And if I can get the support that I need� Addison: I need suction. Oh no. Bailey: My God. Izzie: What? Addison: The tumor's invaded through the cervix and into the bladder. Bailey: Which means she's a stage 4. Addison: We're not doing this operation today. Bailey: We've got to close her up. There's nothing more we can do here. (George freaks out a little and leaves the OR.) Addison: O'Malley? Izzie: It's his dad. (Izzie walks into the hall and sees Jillian's parents, hugging) (Steve's OR) Richard: How far did he run before his body had the good sense to pass out? Cristina: 12 miles. Richard: You got to be out of your mind. Cristina: Well he couldn't have expected a head cold and a couple of aspirin to do him in. Callie: He probably felt dizzy for miles before he passed out. He should have stopped and sat his ass down. Cristina: I get it. I can understand that. Richard: You can, can you? Cristina: Well surgery is the most competitive field in medicine. We're all here to win. Richard: It's a long road Dr. Yang. And when you get to the end of it, you're not going to care about winning. You're just going to be relieved that you made it to the finish line. (Derek enters the room where Meredith is) Derek: You told Sloan? Meredith: What? Derek: Mark Sloan. You told him Chief was stepping down. That I wanted the job. Meredith: I didn't know that was a secret. Derek: He was leaving Meredith. He was leaving town. Meredith: Ok, and now he's not? Derek: No, he's not. And you gave him a reason to stay. (He walks out and slams the door) Meredith: Derek... (Burke and Bailey are walking in the hall) Bailey: The commitment I'm asking for is only a few hours a week. Burke: I'm sorry, but I can't do with any more distractions right now. Bailey: You owe me. Burke: What? Bailey: When you had that tremor. You cut me out of surgery after surgery. Made me feel like I was the one who couldn't do her job. Made me doubt myself. You owe me this. Burke: You need someone who can provide leadership. Direction to the project. I'm not that man. Bailey: Not any more. If that's what you want to believe. (Jillian's room) Izzie: Over the next few months, Jilly's going to go through a lot�Radiation, Chemo. It's likely her condition will get worse. A lot worse. And she's going to need a lot of help. Rachel: Ok, well can you give me some names of doctors and medications cause I want to be ready. I want to know everything so I can do this. Do this right for her. Izzie: Rachel...you can't be everything. It's too hard. Jilly has parents who love her. They love her and they're here and she wants to go home. Rachel: No she doesn't. Izzie: She called them, not me. Rachel: She called? Izzie: Jilly is dying. Rachel: But I promised her. Cradle to grave. She's Jilly, I love her. Izzie: It's possible that the best thing you can do for her if you love her is to let her go. (Seattle scenes) (Outside of Richard's office) Burke: Are you waiting to see the Chief? Addison: Yes, you? Burke: Yeah. Addison: About? Burke: Oh you know...just...admin stuff. Addison: Yeah, me too. (Derek walks up) Derek: What are you doing here? Burke: Waiting to see the chief. Derek: You too? Addison: Yes, Derek. Both of us. Derek: Unbelievable. Addison: I'm unbelievable? The chief steps down and automatically you assume it's between you and Burke? Derek: You think that he's going to pick you? Addison: Well the fact that he hasn't tapped either one of you yet means he's got some other candidate in mind. (Mark walks up) Mark: What no one invited me to the party? (Richard walks up and they storm him, all throwing questions out at the same time) Richard: Stop, stop, stop. One at a time here. You, what's this all about? Mark: They all want to be Chief. And for the record, so do I. (They start arguing again) Richard: Ok Button it. All of you. I have had a perfect day. I went to the board this morning, and told them I was retiring. I saved a life. And now I'm off to see my wife. It has been a perfect day until you four fools tried to ruin it. A man can't be happy he's retiring around here without you vulture picking my bones." (Bailey walks up) Bailey: Chief...you're stepping down? Richard: As soon as they find a replacement for me, I'm stepping down as Chief of surgery. But I don't know when that'll be because at this point I don't see any front-runners. Excuse me. (They all start to argue again as he walks off as Bailey stands there mystified) (Bailey is at a nurse's station with Richard) Bailey: You didn't think to tell me this morning that you were planning to step down instead of sending me on this wild goose chase? Richard: Dr. Bailey, you need those clowns to sign off on your proposal because one of them may be chief of surgery in a month. It's hard to imagine, me more than anyone, but because you're not ready for the job, one of them's going to have to do it for the next few years. Bailey: Me? Richard: It's you in the chair eventually. That's who you are. You're going to have to get a new chair because you're short. You have short legs. But someday you are going to be chief of surgery. I wasn't sending you on a wild goose chase. I was trying to get you in the habit of doing things without me. (Mark, Addison, Burke and Derek are sitting in the hallway on the floor) Addison: He's really doing it. He's really retiring. Mark: One of us could be chief. Burke: No, one of us could be chief. (Pointing to him, Derek and Addison) You...I don't think so. Derek: Yeah. Addison: Yeah. Mark: Oh I could be chief. Derek: You're delusional. Addison: Mark Sloan, chief of surgery. That makes me vomit a little in my mouth. (Bailey walks up) Bailey: These are your letters of support for my free clinic. Sign them. Burke: Why do you want this clinic so badly. Derek: You're a surgeon. Bailey: Because I need something more. I know you all have your messy love lives, and your secrets and your silliness, But I want more. I need something to hold onto. I need a reason to believe that medicine can do more than stitch you up and send you away. I need to believe that medicine cannot only save lives, but change lives. I need...I need to believe to believe in something the way I used to believe in you all. Sign the papers. Sign the papers. Derek: You still need funding. (She stares him down and he complies. She leaves) Derek: The nazi's back. (Jillian's room) Rachel: Hi. Go home. Jillian: Rach... Rachel: They're your parents, you love them and they're still here. You know what a big deal it is for them to get on a plane. Go home Jilly. Jillian: But I can't just leave you here. Rachel: Yes you can. Jillian: Rachel... Rachel: You can go back home. And you can put on your bonnet and you can get in the buggy and go to church and get baptized. You can die Amish. Jillian: No I can't do that. Rachel: Why cause you'll have to shun me? Don't worry about me. I will be living it up here with your curling iron and your cable TV and your entire DVD collection. I'll be okay here in the 21'st century. Jillian: I can't shun you. Rachel: You can. And you will. And I won't take no for an answer. Now say hello to your parents. (Jillian's parents enter) Jillian: Hi. Dad: Jilly. Jillian: Dad. Mom: (to Rachel) I will tell your parents that I saw you and that you are well and happy. And have grown into a fine woman. (They hug) (Seattle scenes) (Richard's house, He has a bunch of flowers and knocks on the door.) Adele: Richard, what are you doing here? Richard: These are for you. Adele: Richard, what are you doing here? Richard: I did it Adele. I'm retiring. And I gotta tell you, I didn't think I wanted to do it, but I'm relieved. I'm happy. Adele: When I told you I didn't have any more time to wait, I meant it. Richard: I know you did... Adele: That was months ago. Months ago I said "You are out of time with me." Richard: Adele...is there a man in my house? Adele: I'm so sorry Richard. But what did you expect? (She slams the door) (Izzie enters the room where George is) Izzie: I'm sorry. George: Why...I'm angry. What's wrong with having a lot of sx if it makes me feel better? Izzie: Do you? Feel better? George: You know how you felt when you were lying on the bathroom floor. Izzie: Maybe you're not supposed to feel better. George: Iz you can't help me. I know you want to. But you can't. You can't help me. Izzie: I have to let you go. George: Yeah. Izzie: Just one last thing. (She gives him a big hug) Life is short George. Life is short and it sucks a lot of the time. If being with Callie makes you happy then go be with Callie. (He leaves and Bailey comes in) Bailey: Hey. He going to be ok? Izzie: I think so. How's your clinic going? Bailey: I got my signatures. Which is a start. The Seattle Grace Free Clinic will exist. Izzie: The Denny Duquette Memorial Clinic. Bailey: What? Izzie: I have $8 million dollars. Bailey: Izzie Stevens. (Meredith's room, Derek enters) Derek: You left without me. And now you're not talking to me. I was a jerk. Sometimes boyfriends can be jerks. Doesn't mean you stop talking to them. You get that I'm saying I'm sorry right? Meredith: You yelled at me for no reason, then you walked away, and now you show up here. Derek: Of course I showed up. Why wouldn't I? You don't trust me? Meredith: I do. Derek: Ok well this is how it works. You fight sometimes, and somebody apologizes. Meredith: Well how am I supposed to know that? Derek: You've never done this before. Meredith: No, I've never done this before. Derek: Hmm. Ok, all right. Well this is�from now on, you can expect that I'm gonna show up. Even if I yell. Even if you yell. I'm always going to show up ok? Meredith: Ok. You are going to make an excellent Chief. Derek: Yeah. MVO: We all think we're going to be great. And we feel robbed when our expectations aren't met. (Addison walks up to Alex in the hall) Addison: Karev, I've got an ovarian torsion that needs emergent surgery. You in? Alex: Yeah. MVO: But sometimes our expectations sell us short. (Burke's house) Cristina: I was right. I swear, I really believe what I did was right. I don't want you to forgive me. Frankly...I'd...find it patronizing if you did because while I know I was right, you think I'm wrong. Which doesn't matter. Because, I'm in this. I'm in this for the long haul, and I'm in this to finish the race. So if that means I don't win this one, then fine. I don't win. You win. I'm talking. See I'm talking first, you win. MVO: Sometimes, the expected pales in comparison to the unexpected. Burke: Marry me. (Callie's hotel room) George: I don't want to waste another minute. Callie: I can't have sx with you again, George. I can't I just...enough with the sx. George: Since my dad died, I uh...I feel like someone ripped out my stomach and filled the hole with asphalt. I laugh every time that I remember I'm never going to talk to him again because it just sounds like the stupidest thing I ever heard. I can't believe it's real. But...every time I look at you...I feel better. It shocks me. It knocks my wind out but it's the truth. And I don't have to have sx with you. I'd be happy just to look at you from across the room. And even that�any piece of you, I mean hopefully all of you, that'd be the best thing...because I love you. Callie: George... (He kneels) George: Marry me. Will you marry me? (Burke and Cristina's) Burke: Marry me, Cristina Yang. MVO: You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the unexpected is just what keeps us steady...standing...still. (Callie's hotel room) George: Marry me. MVO: The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives. (The scene flips back and forth between Callie/George and Burke/Cristina)	Plan: A: Webber; Q: Who announces his retirement? A: rumors; Q: What begins to circulate on Webber's departure and successor? A: Seattle; Q: Where is Mark determined to leave for good? A: Meredith; Q: Who accidentally gave Mark incentive to stay in Seattle? A: constant attention; Q: What does the patient Mark makes Alex and Meredith tend to need? A: the open Chief position; Q: What does Meredith tell Mark about that makes him want to stay in Seattle? A: Derek; Q: Who is angry at Meredith for causing Mark to stay in Seattle? A: Seattle Grace Hospital; Q: Where do the attending physicians fight to get Webber's attention? A: their conduct; Q: What does Webber express his disappointment in? A: all the attendings; Q: Who does Webber force Bailey to get signatures from? A: a free medical clinic; Q: What does Bailey want to create? A: one day; Q: When does Bailey think she will be Chief? A: no funding; Q: What problem does Bailey have when she tries to start a free clinic? A: Izzie; Q: Who offers to spend her inheritance on Bailey's clinic? A: her entire 8.7 million dollar inheritance; Q: What does Izzie offer to spend on Bailey's clinic? A: George; Q: Who is devastated after his father's death? A: a cervical tumor; Q: What is the condition of the patient that Addison, Izzie, and George treat? A: cancer; Q: What disease did George's father die from? A: Things; Q: What gets more complicated when the patient's Puritan parents arrive? A: their kiss; Q: What is the reason Addison is avoiding Alex? A: a marathon runner; Q: Who did Callie and Cristina treat? A: a blackout; Q: What caused a marathon runner to collapse? A: his father's death; Q: What event caused George to reunite with Callie? A: reunites; Q: What does George do with Callie after his father's death? A: sex; Q: What does George use to overcome his grief? A: Burke; Q: Who proposes to Cristina? A: Adele; Q: Who is Webber's wife? A: another man; Q: Who is Adele with when Webber comes home? Summary: After Webber announces his retirement, rumors begin to circulate on his departure and successor. Mark is determined to leave Seattle for good, and irritates Meredith and Alex by making them tend to a patient who will need constant attention but Meredith accidentally gives Mark incentive to stay after letting him know of the open Chief position. Derek is angry at Meredith for causing Mark to remain in Seattle, but soon realizes that she is not the reason he is really angry. The attending physicians at Seattle Grace Hospital fight to get Webber's attention, but he expresses his disappointment in their conduct. He also forces Bailey to get signatures from all the attendings so she can create a free medical clinic, before confessing to her that he thinks she will be Chief one day. Bailey secures the signatures, but has no funding until Izzie offers to spend her entire 8.7 million dollar inheritance on the project. Addison, Izzie, and George treat a patient with a cervical tumor, and Izzie gets worried about George due to his dad having recently died from cancer. Things get more complicated when the patient's Puritan parents arrive. Addison is avoiding Alex following their kiss. Callie and Cristina treat a marathon runner who collapsed after a blackout. George, devastated after his father's death, reunites with Callie and uses sex to overcome his grief, before eventually proposing to her. Cristina and Burke still don't speak to each other, but she eventually breaks, and Burke ends up proposing to her. Webber endeavors to reunite with his wife, Adele, and decides to retire, only to come home and find she's with another man.
ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier is doing his show. In Roz's booth, Kenny is hovering over her anxiously. Roz: We have Tom on the phone from Woodenville. Frasier: [presses button] Hello, Tom. I'm listening. Tom: [v.o.; anxious, speaking rapidly] Thank God, I thought I'd never get through. Dr. Crane, I'm-I have a problem, and I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to get married soon, but I'm having second thoughts. Do you think it's just cold feet, or-or what? Frasier: All right, Tom, just calm down, let's work through this thing together, you and I. Are you in love with this girl? Tom: Of course - yes - I, I think. Frasier: Now remember, Tom, this is the person with whom you'll be spending the rest of your life. That is a long time. Tom: It is, isn't it? Frasier: Yes. In fact, getting married is probably the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. It requires time, temperance, and thought. From Tom's end comes the sound of the "Wedding March" being played. Frasier: Tom, what's that music? Tom: Sorry, Dr. Crane, no time to talk, I have to tell Monica the bad news. Frasier: Wait, wait, wait, Tom, no! But he's hung up. Frasier cuts off the dial tone. Frasier: Oh, dear. Well, if anyone out there happens to know Monica, just tell her to call in on Monday and I'll move her right to the head of the line. Um, meanwhile, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, saying good day, and good mental health. He goes off the air and sighs. Kenny: Please, Roz! Roz: [half-laughing] No way! Kenny: Come on! I wouldn't be asking you if it wasn't an emergency! Frasier: [coming in] Is everything OK? Kenny: [quickly] Yeah, fine, good, everything's good. [sighs] I'm supposed to stop on the way home and pick up some new... underthings for my wife. Frasier: So? Kenny: So? Every time I'm in one of those places I start thinking about... you know... man-and-wife stuff. I turn all red, I start to sweat, I hyperventilate. Try getting somebody to wait on you when you look like that. Roz: Well, sorry, Kenny, but I am not going to Victoria's Secret for you. Kenny: Victoria's Secret? Whoa, whoa, Rockefeller, I'm talking Kmart! Roz: No. Kenny: Before you say no, let me remind you that employee evaluation season's- Frasier: Kenny! Roz Doyle is no gofer, she is a producer. And if she should earn a promotion - which she richly deserves - it will be based on her merits as a producer! Kenny: Fine. I'll go myself. Why do they have those mannequins so damn sexy? Kenny leaves. A deliveryman (Joe) comes in. Joe: Dr. Crane? Frasier: Yes. Joe: Your cake's ready. Frasier: Oh, splendid! Well, let's just have a look here. [opens the box; reading] "Congrats"? It's supposed to say, "Congratulations, Dad." Joe: There wasn't room. Frasier: People have written the Declaration of Independence on a grain of rice! Joe: Not with frosting. Frasier: Listen, my father's starting a new job this evening. This cake is meant to show him how proud we are, how much we care, and that we believe in him, all right? It has to be special. Joe: If it was so special, how come you ordered the smallest one? Beat. Frasier: We're also having ice cream, if you must know! Joe: [takes it back] Fine, you can pick it up in half an hour. Frasier: Thank you. [Joe leaves] Oh, wait! I haven't got half an hour to- [but he's gone; sweetly] Roz? Roz: [unsurprised] You want me to pick up the cake? Frasier: Oh, bless you. Oh, and listen, could you pick up some ice cream on your way over, too? Roz: Sure. Frasier: [hurrying out] That's a love, bye! [SCENE_BREAK] BEWARE LOLLYGAGGING MESSENGERS Scene Two(a) - Apartment Daphne opens the door to Niles. Daphne: Hello, honey. [they hug and kiss] Niles: [as he hangs up his coat] I have a surprise for you. Daphne: I have a surprise for you, too. Simultaneously they produce ticket envelopes. Laughing, they exchange and open them. Daphne: [thrilled] Oh my God, tickets to the Billy Joel concert! Niles: Yes... tickets to the Mongolian Music Festival? [looks up, no less thrilled] That's four solid hours of throat singing! They hug. Daphne: How in the world did you get these? Niles: Oh well, I know a guy who knows a guy who has a friend that was able to pull a few strings. How did you get these? Daphne: I called the box office. Niles: Oh! Daphne: [hugs him again] Oh, thank you so much! Niles: No, no, thank you. Both: Oh, when is it? [laughs, then] Tonight. And they realize they are at an impasse. Both: Oh... Daphne: Wow... Niles: So, em, which one shall we attend? Daphne: Well, it's always been a dream of mine to see Billy Joel live. Niles: Yes... but has it been a lifelong dream, like my dream of seeing Mongolian throat-singers? [N.B. Try to say this once without laughing, then try it three times fast. It's impossible.] Daphne: Yes, but didn't we just do a "you" thing last week when we went to the opera? Niles: Yes, but you're forgetting that the next night, we rented "Mrs. Doubtfire," which was definitely a "you" movie. Daphne: Except they didn't have it, so we rented "Tampopo," which I believe we found in the "you" section. And we listened to NPR on the way there and on the way back, don't think I didn't notice that. Niles: Well, perhaps I have been a bit piggish lately. We'll see Billy Joel! [she starts to hug him] But-but-but, I am not going in any mosh pit. Daphne: OK! [hugs him] Martin comes out, dressed in a security guard's uniform and carrying a handful of neckties. Daphne: Well, look at you, Mr. Security Guard. Niles: Yes, beware, criminals - Martin Crane is back on the streets. Martin: Yeah. Actually, Martin Crane is sitting on his butt in a fancy lobby, staring at a bunch of monitors. [holds out ties] Daph, are any of these navy blue? Niles: Here, I can help you with that, Dad. Daphne, would you- would you get us some coffee? Daphne: Sure. She goes to the kitchen. Niles: Dad, uh, are you, uh - you ready for all this, you know? Going back to work? Martin: Niles, we talked about this, it's only three nights a week. Niles: Oh, I know, I know, but, uh... They sit down, Martin in his Armchair and Niles on the coffee table. Throughout the following conversation, Niles becomes a living revue of tics, fidgets, and shuffles. Niles: You're going through your old routine. Putting on the badge, going back on duty, you're even going to be working with some of your old friends from the force. Just be aware, it, uh, it might bring up buried memories. Martin: Like what? Niles: Well, the last time you worked, some crazy person pointed a, uh, a, uh... [makes a gun with his hand] you know, at you, and you were almost, uh... [starts shifting in his seat] you ended up in the, uh, the, uh... [starts flicking his ear with his finger] Well, you could've, uh, could've, uh, you could have actually... well, I just - probably you're going to have a lot of issues. [stops fidgeting] Martin: Well, thanks for being concerned, Niles, but, trust me, I don't have any buried memories. I remember every detail of that day. As Martin speaks, the scene DISSOLVES to a flashback sequence: An unmarked car pulls into the parking lot outside a convenience store. Martin: [v.o.] Frank and I were near the end of our shift. He wanted to get a drink. I said no, but he was thirsty. So we go to a convenience store. There was a robbery in progress. I got shot. Martin, wearing plainclothes, gets out of the car and walks into the store. CUT BACK to the Present: Martin: It was a hell of a thing. Niles: Sure was. Martin: Well, I got to get going. A few of the guys are taking me out for dinner before my first shift. Niles: Oh, uh, Dad, you can't leave yet. We're having a little send- off party. Frasier's on his way with the cake. Daphne comes out. Daphne: Here's your coffee, Mr. Crane. Martin: Thanks, Daph. Martin stares into his cup... Waitress: [v.o.] Here's your coffee, Marty. The scene DISSOLVES to another flashback: Scene Three - Diner Earlier that fatal day, Martin and his partner Frank are sat eating lunch. A goldfish in a plastic bag of water sits between them. Martin has just gotten his coffee. Martin: Thanks, doll. Frank: [lifting the bag] You going to carry that fish around all day? Martin: Hey, he has a name. [takes the bag] That's Eddie. Frank: Why don't you get yourself a real pet? You know, like a- like a dog? Martin: Ah, I'm not really a dog person. I just wanted someone in the family I could get along with. Did I tell you Frasier's not coming home for Thanksgiving? Frank: [many, many times] Yeah, you did. Martin: And have I told you about my weekly Sunday brunch with Niles and Maris? Frank: Yeah, you have. Martin: Ah, I'd rather be at church. I'd get more to eat. Niles sticks his head in the door. [N.B. David Hyde Pierce had to wear a hairpiece to look like the full-headed Niles of earlier seasons.] Frank: Hey, speaking of Niles, isn't that him? Martin turns around. Niles beckons to him. Martin motions Niles in, but Niles shakes his head, obviously looking down his nose at the place. Martin motions him in again. Niles wrinkles his nose and comes in. Frank: Hey, Niles. [motions to the seat] Take a load off. Niles pulls out his handkerchief. Martin: What's up? Niles: [as he wipes the chair] You know very well what's up. Maris just called me. You booted her car. [throws the hankie on the table] Martin: Oh, yeah, I remember having a car booted earlier. It was parked kind of close to a hydrant. Was that hers? Niles: The license plate says "Maris"! Martin: Well, it's a very common name, isn't it, Frank? Frank: My mother's name is Maris. Niles starts to say something, but just glares at Frank, narrow-eyed. Niles: Dad, Maris is very upset, and so am I. I can't believe you booted her. Martin: Hey, I wouldn't be upset if you booted her. Frank laughs and slaps Martin's hand under the table. Niles stands up in a huff. Martin: Niles, she's loaded. She'll probably just ditch it and go buy another one. Niles: That's not the point! I think you owe her an apology. [to Frank] Good day... [disdainfully] Frank. Niles leaves. Frank: You booted a car just to irritate your kid? Now that's a lot of trouble. Martin: No, the real trouble was getting four guys to lift it and move it closer to the hydrant. [they laugh] SMASH CUT TO: Scene Two(b) - Apartment A flashbulb goes off, snapping Martin out of his reverie. Niles has just taken his picture. Daphne brings his lunchbox and thermos. Daphne: Here you are. Martin: Oh, thanks. Daphne: Honey, get a picture of your father with his thermos. Martin: Oh, enough with the pictures! People didn't make this much fuss when I shipped off to Korea! But he raises the thermos and smiles gamely for the camera. Frasier comes in the door. Frasier: Well, Dad! Very snappy. Martin: Uh-huh. Where's the cake? Frasier: Roz'll be bringing it by in a minute. Niles: Hey, Frasier, if you're interested, I have two tickets to tonight's throat singing concert. Frasier: Don't toy with me, Niles! Niles holds out the tickets. Frasier takes them ecstatically. Martin: What the hell is throat singing? Frasier: Oh, Dad, it's an extraordinary technique where a single vocalist can actually produce two distinct tones simultaneously, allowing him to harmonize with himself! Martin: Kind of like the Everly Brothers. Frasier and Niles trade another one of their "Did he actually just SAY that?" looks. Frasier: If they shared a throat and came from Mongolia, yes. [trades another look] Niles, why aren't you going? Daphne: He's taking me to see Billy Joel. Frasier: [aghast] Billy Joel?! Niles: [putting the best face on it] He's the "Piano Man." Frasier: Well, seeing as how you're otherwise occupied, I'll guess I'll try to just wrangle myself a date. [picks up the phone] Martin: Hey, wait a minute! Who's going to walk Eddie? I told you he has to be walked every night at ten. Frasier: Yes, yes, of course, Dad, of course, Dad. Uh, well, you know, customarily this would fall under the description of, uh... Daphne's job. Daphne: [piqued] Customarily, Dr. Crane, it's not my job. I do it as a favor for your father. Frasier: Will you do it as a favor for me? Daphne: No. Niles: [checks his watch] You know, Frasier, you could catch the first two hours of throat singing and still get back in time to walk Eddie. Frasier: Oh, Niles, you know damn well their throats are just starting to warm up after two hours! Daphne: Well, I'm not missing Billy Joel. Martin: [gets up] Gee, I hate to put you all out like this. Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry. Don't worry, we'll work this out, I promise. Martin goes to the kitchen. Frasier: Say, what about that nice Mrs. Curdsman who lives right across the hall? Daphne: She's ninety-four - someone comes to walk her everyday! Frasier: There's got to be somebody on God's green earth that can walk this dog. The doorbell rings. Frasier opens the door to Roz, carrying the cake. I love this shot: Roz's P.O.V. - Frasier, Niles, and Daphne all looking at her with delighted, transparently self-concerned smiles. All: Roz! She comes in. Roz: Hi, cake's here. Frasier: [takes it] Yes. You know, Roz, we were just talking about you - say, listen, are you busy this evening? Roz: No. Frasier: Oh, that's terrific news! Well then, you won't mind coming by and walking Eddie about ten o'clock? Roz: [had enough] Forget it, Frasier. I am not your assistant, I am a producer. A producer does not give up her evenings to walk a dog. Frasier: Would a senior producer walk a dog? [she doesn't even answer that one] Well, someone has got to walk this damn dog. Martin: [coming out] All right, that's enough. You all said you'd be supportive if I went back to work. Everyone starts to protest - "No"; "We ARE supportive," etc. Martin: Yeah, for the first two or three seconds until it gets inconvenient, then all you think about is yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm not in a party mood. He heads for his room, but stops to pick up the cake and take it with him. END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO SHE HAS BIG ONES, TOO Scene Four - Martin's Room Martin is tying his tie in the mirror. Someone knocks on his door. Martin: What do you want? Roz: [o.s.] It's me, Roz. Martin: Oh, come on in. As Roz opens the door: Frasier: [o.s.] Are you people insane? How can paper beat a rock! They roll their eyes together. Roz comes in and closes the door. Martin: Well, I'm really looking forward to getting out of the house. Roz: Well, I didn't want you to go before I had a chance to give you this. [gives him a small jewelry box] Martin: Oh, you didn't have to do that! [opens it] Oh, a tie pin! Oh, look at the little handcuffs! Roz: Well, we don't want that tie to escape. As they laugh, Roz takes the pin and affixes it to his shirt. Martin: Thanks, Roz. Roz: So it's a big day, isn't it? Martin: Mmm-hmm. Roz: You feeling good? Martin: Oh, I feel better than that; I feel useful. It's been a long time. You know, when I was a cop, we used to make fun of security guards. I guess now I'm going to have to make fun of crossing guards. The phone rings. Roz: Who do crossing guards make fun of? Martin: I don't know. Uh, kids, I guess. They laugh again. As Roz sits on the bed, Martin answers the phone. Martin: Hello? Oh, hey, Frank. Yup, got my W-4. Uh, listen, I want to thank you again, for getting me in, you know. I know you had to push, what with my hip and all... No, I'm just thanking you again, that's all. That's not mushy! Huh? Oh, that's too bad. OK, well, maybe next time. Bye. [hangs up] Roz: What's too bad? Martin: Well, a bunch of us are going out for dinner, but one guy can't make it. Evidently he got called to check on a possible perv at the Kmart. He tastes a finger-full of frosting from the cake, and goes to the mirror again. Martin: I got to tell you, Roz, hanging out with a bunch of guys again is - well, something I've really missed. Roz: Oh... [comes up behind him] well, I am happy for you, Martin. [kisses his cheek] Martin: Thanks, Roz. Roz opens the door: Daphne: [o.s.] Let's just all leave now and then Roz will have to walk him. Roz: Hey! She rushes out. Martin shakes his head, and closes the door. As he pins on his name badge, he stares into the mirror... Frank: [v.o.] Hey, Marty, we've got a Code-9 over here on the right. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - Police Car Martin is driving with Frank beside him. Frank is snacking heavily on a bag of chips. Martin: Are you blind? She's a Code-7 at best. Frank: Oh. Am I mistaken, or is she swerving? Martin: I'm not pulling her over, Frank. Last time I did that, you ended up in divorce court. Frank: Ah... Martin: Did I tell you Frasier's not coming home for Thanksgiving? Frank: Yeah, you did. Martin: Means I'll have to spend it with Maris and Niles. Last time she didn't even eat anything, she just sucked air through a rice cake. Boy, he sure picked a winner. Frank: Marty, you sound like a broken record. You know, I get it: you can't stand your kids. Martin: No! No, no; they can't stand me. Frank: Well, maybe you've got to be the one that takes the first step. You know, reach out. And most importantly, listen. Not just with your ears, but with your heart. Martin: What the hell are you talking about? Frank: I'm seeing a court-appointed family therapist. I have to admit, it's only been a few sessions, but... she is hot! Martin: You've come a long way. Frank: I think it's making me a better dad, you know? I'm getting involved with their school stuff, I talk to them at the end of the day; I make sure I kiss them goodbye before I go to work. Martin: Hmm... You really do that? Frank: Yup. According to Dr. Hottie, you have to make an effort. Martin: [thinks, then smiles] You know what I should do? Frank: What? Martin: I ought to just call Frasier out of the blue and see how he's doing. Niles, too. They'd probably think I was dying or something. Frank: You should. Martin: Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. I'll do it tonight when I get home. Frank: Good for you, Marty. [looks out the window] Hey, can we stop? I need to get another Slushie. Martin: You just got that one! Frank: I got rinds in it. Martin: All right, but I'll go in and get it. You stay here and clean this mess up. As before, the car pulls into the parking lot. Martin gets out of the car and walks into the store. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six - Martin's Room Martin is strapping on his belt. Frasier opens the door. Frasier: Good news, Dad! We worked it out. Martin: You did? Frasier: Yes. Listen, Dad, I'm sorry. I hope our little tiff didn't spoil the occasion. We're all so proud of you, I want you to know that. Martin: Thanks, son. So who's walking Eddie? Frasier: I am. I figured if I just take him out right now, I still have time to make it to the concert, and he'll be OK until I come back around midnight. Martin: I told you, he's got to be walked around ten o'clock, that's his routine! Frasier: Well, can't his routine just bend a little? Martin: Fine, then I hope your Berber carpet is waterproof. Niles, Daphne, and Roz come in. Niles: What's wrong? Frasier: Apparently, His Nibs will explode if he doesn't go out around ten! Niles: OK, OK, OK, OK, how's this: I will stay and walk Eddie. Frasier: Really? Daphne: You just don't want to see Billy Joel. Niles: That is patently untrue. I'm just trying to help my father. Roz: If he isn't going, can I? Niles: Well, that would work perfectly. Frasier: But since you're free, Niles, I've got this extra ticket for the throat singing concert! Niles: [excited] Oh?! Frasier: Well, then it's settled! Everyone starts to leave. Martin: Ed-die. Frasier: Oh, dear. All right, OK, OK, we will work this out, Dad. They go out the door. Daphne: So what happens when your nibs explode? Martin closes the door on Frasier's answer. He is now wearing his jacket, and only his hat remains to be put on. He picks it up... Frank: [v.o.] You should see it, Marty... [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - Hospital Room Martin is lying in a hospital bed. Frank is standing by him. Frank: They're using your rookie picture on the news. Martin: Oh, what's all the fuss about? It's only my hip. Ten bucks says I'll be back on the job in a couple of weeks. Frank: I just keep thinking, you know, it should have been me. A young, pretty nurse comes in. Nurse: Can I do anything to make you more comfortable, Mr. Crane? Martin: No, I'm fine, thanks. She smiles and leaves. Frank: Seriously, it should have been me. [they laugh] Niles comes in, subdued. Niles: Hey, Frank. Hello, Dad. Martin: Niles. Niles: How-how are you, uh... how are you feeling? Martin: I think I'm going to be fine. Niles: Well, thank God. Silence. Frank: Well, I'd better get going. Martin: Oh, no! Niles: No, no, hey, don't go on my account, Frank. Frank: Nah, you guys got plenty of things to talk about. [claps Martin on the shoulder] Listen, I'll never drink another Slushie again. Martin: Well, then it was worth it. Frank: All right. [to Niles] See you. Frank leaves. Niles pulls up a chair by the bedside. Niles: I just got off the phone with Frasier. He is flying in. Martin: Good. Silence. Martin: Doc says I'll be out of here in a couple of days. Niles: Good. They have, uh, they have a great staff here. Martin: Oh. Silence. Niles: I knew this was going to happen some day. Martin: Hey, it comes with the territory. Niles: I'll never understand how you can take these risks. Martin: No, you probably won't. Niles looks hurt. The nurse sticks her head back in. Nurse: I'm sorry, visiting hours are over. Niles: Um, thank you. [beat] Well... [gets up and goes to the door] I'll be back tomorrow. Martin: OK. Niles leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Eight - Apartment Frasier, Roz, Daphne, and Niles, are still arguing. Behind them, Martin walks out in his complete uniform. Frasier: All right, we're running out of time! I'll tell you what: I will offer a hundred dollars to anyone who is willing to walk this dog. Niles: I'll kick in a hundred! Frasier: That's two hundred dollars! [towards Roz] That's an awful lot of money, isn't it, Niles? Niles: [towards Daphne] It sure is, Frasier! Frasier: All just to walk a little dog! Niles: Yes, mmm-hmm. Daphne: [hits Niles] I can't believe you'd try to buy me off! Roz: You, too! [hits Frasier] Frasier: Ow! For God's sake... Unnoticed by anyone, Martin has picked up his lunchbox and is now standing by the door. Martin: I'm leaving! [they continue arguing] SHUT UP! They stop and look at him. Martin: You ought to be ashamed, I can't even depend on my own kids. Frasier: But, Dad... Martin: You two, come here. [points to his feet] Frasier and Niles shuffle over to Martin. Frasier: We're sorry. Niles: Frasier started it. Martin: I'm going to work now. I'll be home late. [kisses Frasier on the cheek] Don't wait up. [kisses Niles on the cheek] He goes out the door. Another doorway shot shows the boys and girls cannot believe what just happened. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Eddie is pacing furiously, occasionally stopping to scratch the door. Outside, Frasier steps off the elevator and opens the door. Eddie runs past him and onto the elevator. The doors close, leaving Frasier behind.	Plan: A: Martin; Q: Who is about to start a new job as a security guard? A: the occasion; Q: What dredges up memories of the fateful day years ago when Martin was shot? A: flashback; Q: How do the memories of Martin's shooting appear? A: Frank; Q: Who was Martin's partner when he was shot? A: a slushie; Q: What did Frank want to get from a convenience store? A: the parking lot; Q: Where did Martin pull into the convenience store that was being robbed? A: his shooter; Q: Who got away from Martin's shooting? A: a special congratulatory cake; Q: What did Frasier order for Martin? A: Roz; Q: Who delivers the cake to Martin? A: Niles; Q: Who bought Daphne tickets to a Billy Joel concert? A: a Billy Joel concert; Q: What concert did Niles buy Daphne tickets to? A: Mongolian throat-singing; Q: What festival did Daphne buy tickets to? A: Eddie; Q: Who does Martin have to walk at 10 p.m.? A: 10 p.m; Q: When does Eddie have to be walked? A: work; Q: What does Martin have to leave for at 10 p.m.? A: the argument; Q: What does Roz get drawn into when she arrives with the cake? Summary: Martin is about to start a new job as a security guard , and the occasion dredges up memories of the fateful day years ago when he was shot. These memories appear in flashback : while out on patrol with his partner Frank, he pleads with Martin to pull into a convenience store so he could get a slushie. Martin ultimately gives in and pulls into the parking lot of a store that was being robbed. Martin got shot and his shooter got away. Frasier has ordered a special congratulatory cake, which Roz delivers. Meanwhile, Niles has bought Daphne tickets to a Billy Joel concert for that evening, and she has bought him tickets to a festival of Mongolian throat-singing , also for that evening. This means they have to decide which to attend, so Niles offers Frasier the tickets to the throat-singing concert. Martin then points out that someone has to walk Eddie at 10 p.m, so as he prepares to leave for work, the others discuss (and argue) who should do this job. When Roz arrives with the cake, she finds herself drawn into the argument.
TERMINUS BY: STEPHEN GALLAGHER Part Two First Air Date: 16 February 1983 Running time: 24:40 [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Lazars? DOCTOR: Whatever you do, don't let them touch you. DOCTOR: No! That would be mass slaughter. KARI: I thought they were going to attack us. DOCTOR: Look at them. I doubt if they can feed themselves, let alone fight. NYSSA: What about Olvir? KARI: He ran. Leave him. DOCTOR: No. I rather think he's got a lot to tell us. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: It's stuck. TEGAN: It can't be. TURLOUGH: It's those things walking over the grating. TEGAN: There must be another way out. TEGAN: This place is a death trap. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: What are the lazars doing here? DOCTOR: Dying. Some cargo you came to steal. NYSSA: Why did you choose this ship? KARI: It was a big liner from a rich sector. It looked like the perfect target, so we thought. DOCTOR: Indeed. DOCTOR: Now, what about Terminus? We must find Olvir. NYSSA: We could try the computer. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Is there any way through? TEGAN: Solid. TURLOUGH: We'll have to go back. TEGAN: Wait. There's a ladder. This way. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: Hurry, Doctor. I want to get off this ship as soon as possible. DOCTOR: In a moment. Can you see any more computer blocks? NYSSA: I'll look. KARI: What precisely are you looking for? DOCTOR: Information about Terminus. There must be something here, the liner's just docked with it. NYSSA: Olvir? [SCENE_BREAK] GUARDIAN (OOV.): The Doctor still lives. You know the rewards for success. I have other rewards for your failure. TEGAN (OOV.): Turlough? TURLOUGH: Coming. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Star charts. KARI: What's that in the middle? DOCTOR: Must be Terminus. Nyssa? NYSSA: Coming. Come and talk to the Doctor. We need your help. You know about Terminus. OLVIR: Kari's there. NYSSA: Yes? OLVIR: I'm supposed to be combat trained, and I ran away. NYSSA: I'm sure she'll understand. DOCTOR: What do you make of this? KARI: Not very much. OLVIR: Whatever you're planning, you can forget it, because we're dead. We're breathing in the disease at this very moment. KARI: You decided to come back. NYSSA: Please, we need his help. DOCTOR: Nyssa's right. How do you know about Lazar's disease? OLVIR: My sister died of it. DOCTOR: On Terminus? OLVIR: Yes. They supposedly offer a cure, but I've never met anyone who came back. DOCTOR: And you didn't try and find out why? OLVIR: From whom? A commercial company runs Terminus. They don't care about anything apart from their profit. NYSSA: How are they allowed to get away with it? OLVIR: They just play on irrational fear, just like the old plagues. They terrified people and this is no different. It isn't something you admit to. DOCTOR: What do you make of this? OLVIR: An expanded chart of the universe. DOCTOR: In all you heard about Terminus, was there ever any comment on its position? OLVIR: No, not that I recall. DOCTOR: There's something very strange about this. OLVIR: What? DOCTOR: Well, it could be pure coincidence, but Terminus seems to be at the exact centre of the known universe. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: I'm so unfit. Any luck? TEGAN: I can hear something. TEGAN: What was it? EIRAK: Sterilise. TURLOUGH: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] BOR: What's happening? The reading's still climbing. VALGARD: Bor! No, Bor! BOR: The reading's still climbing. I must find out what's happening. [SCENE_BREAK] VALGARD: Eirak, Bor has just entered the Forbidden Zone. EIRAK: Oh, that's all we need. VALGARD: We must do something. EIRAK: I can't afford to send men after him. VALGARD: We must do something! EIRAK: This is my responsibility. To keep Terminus running. VALGARD: We can't just let him die. EIRAK: Valgard, we're all dying. Did Bor say anything before he entered the Zone? VALGARD: He muttered something about the readings. EIRAK: He'll be back, when he gets hungry or needs his Hydromel. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: This could be useful. Plan of the ship. NYSSA: It's vast. DOCTOR: It's no wonder we got lost. KARI: Everybody down. NYSSA: What's happening? DOCTOR: Look. TANNOY: Attention. Preparations for departure will begin with stage one sterilisation. Unprotected personnel are advised to leave this liner immediately. No return will be permitted. This warning is final. Stage one sterilisation is now commencing. DOCTOR: We must get out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Now what? TEGAN: Back. TEGAN: Must be to do with the sterilising. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: Who was that voice talking to? OLVIR: A crew that doesn't exist. NYSSA: This is a layout of the ship. There are two ways back to where we think the TARDIS is. We must go in two parties. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: We were lucky. It got vented away. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: I must rest. OLVIR: We can't. Come on. NYSSA: Please. OLVIR: All right then, but only for a moment. What's the matter? NYSSA: I'm ill. OLVIR: Oh. I'll get help. OLVIR: There's leak interference. There must be bad shielding on the engine somewhere. NYSSA: Look. OLVIR: Can you walk? NYSSA: I don't know. I feel, I feel as if I'm going to burst. OLVIR: Come on. NYSSA: What's wrong? Olvir, what's wrong? OLVIR: You're contaminated. TANNOY: Attention. TANNOY: All Lazars and any other personnel must disembark immediately. Stage two sterilisation is about to begin. NYSSA: No, please. TANNOY: All other must leave immediately. NYSSA: Olvir, help me. TANNOY: All Lazars must comply with the drones. NYSSA: Olvir! TANNOY: All Lazars must comply with the drones. NYSSA: Olvir! [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: I feel sick. TEGAN: We haven't got time. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] SIGURD: What did Eirak say? VALGARD: He doesn't care about Bor. SIGURD: Get in there. Valgard, don't anger Eirak. He has great power. VALGARD: The only power he has is in the control of the Hydromel. Without that, we're all dead. SIGURD: Be careful. SIGURD: This one's in better condition than most. VALGARD: Not for much longer. VALGARD: Where's that drone with the Hydromel? SIGURD: I'll check. VALGARD: Well, hurry. They've started sterilising. NYSSA: Where are you taking me? VALGARD: They don't usually speak. NYSSA: I'm not one of the Lazars. VALGARD: Your appearance says otherwise. NYSSA: Are you doctors? VALGARD: Baggage handlers. We just receive and pass on. NYSSA: But I have to know what's happening. VALGARD: You'll be taken to the Garm. Thereafter, who knows? No one's ever come back from a meeting with him. [SCENE_BREAK] SIGURD: Bitter sweet taste of life. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Why do you wear armour? VALGARD: Radiation levels. What are you doing? NYSSA: I've cut my thumb. Look. SIGURD: The Garm awaits. There's no escape, not for you. All right, Valgard? VALGARD: Only my pride damaged. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: What is this horrendous place? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: We can't have missed the door. There was a book lying on the floor. DOCTOR: Nyssa's skirt. There's blood on it. Call Olvir, quickly. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Shush. TEGAN: What is it? TURLOUGH: It's the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] EIRAK: Has anybody told the Garm to look out for Bor in the Forbidden Zone? SIGURD: Not yet. EIRAK: If he dies, we'll want his body back for the armour. Valgard, see to it at once. SIGURD: I'll see to the Lazar. [SCENE_BREAK] VALGARD: Garm, can you hear me? VALGARD: One of the Vanir has entered the Forbidden Zone. If he has died, we must have his body back. You understand? VALGARD: And quickly! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: More spots of blood. Try them again. KARI: There must be a radiation leak. DOCTOR: That's the wave pattern the TARDIS homed in on. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Doctor? TEGAN: Doctor! Doctor, we're here! TURLOUGH: Doctor! TEGAN: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN (OOV.): Doctor, over here! DOCTOR: Someone's calling. KARI: Look. KARI: What is it? DOCTOR: Stage two sterilisation. Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: Now where? DOCTOR: Down there. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: The centre of the universe. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: He couldn't have heard us. We're going to get out of here even if we have to smash our way out. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: You realise that Nyssa and Olvir could have found the TARDIS by now. DOCTOR: Then why don't they reply? Tell me. The star charts on the liner, do you think they were accurate? KARI: I don't know. They were probably DOCTOR: Let her go! VALGARD: Now it's your turn, only you I'm going to kill.	Plan: A: two; Q: How many people have broken into the ship? A: Terminus; Q: Where are people who have the Lazar disease sent to die? A: The Doctor; Q: Who finds it strange that the ship is at the exact center of the universe? Summary: The two people the Doctor meets who have broken into the ship realize that they are on Terminus, where people who have the Lazar disease are sent to die. The Doctor finds it strange that the ship is at the exact center of the universe.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Dickie: Have you heard of Ellstin Limehouse? Boyd: Yeah, I heard of him. Dickie: Nobles Hollow. Okay. He owed mama some kind of debt, okay? And that's why she... she knew that he was gonna keep her money safe. Boyd: It has come to my attention that you are in possession of something that belonged to Mags Bennett. Yeah, well, some agreements transcend the grave, Mr. Crowder. Boyd: If Dickie were to join Mags in the afterlife, there would be no person for that money to go to...Except maybe you and me. So, you get me that money, or life in here will take a turn for the disastrous. Dickie: How am I gonna get my hands on that money, you think, while I am inside here? Detroit is concerned. Look, when you go back to Detroit, you just tell them that the properties that I'm holding are poised to rebound, and when they do, they're gonna be worth twice what I paid for them. You had a good thing going here, Emmitt. But you let go of the rope. Boyd: Now, I told you what I'm offering. There ain't nothing more. Devil: Boyd. I'm in. Hey, eye of the tiger. How about you settle down a little? Could be a while yet. Devil: Yeah, well, suppose I they do things up in shitkick hollow. Down here in white civilization, boss calls you to his home, you sit and wait till he's goddamn good and ready to see you. Devil: What's he even want with me, anyway? Devil, I'm taking you to see the wizard, brother. Oughta be grateful. Where is he? Where is he? [ Laughs ] You must be the one they call "devil." So, uh, devil, can I get you a coffee or a bourbon or anything? I am particular with the bourbon. I love that sh1t. We don't get it in Detroit. Devil: No, I don't want anything. Nothing? I'm gonna help myself. Devil? Devil? Dev... Whoop. Whoa. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Why don't you just calm down and have yourself a seat? So, Tanner here tells me that you are a man who gets things done. Is he right? Well, I don't do muscle work anymore if that's what you're after. Devil: Got my own thing going now. Not exactly the way that I've heard it described. Devil: Oh, you been talking out of school about me, Tanner? Just looking out is all. See, Tanner's kind of like my talent scout for my organization. He finds people who are under-utilized in their current situation and reports it back to me. And from what I've heard, you have been pushed to a second-tier position at an enterprise that's going nowhere fast. Am I right? Devil: Yeah, I don't know about that. I only know what I've been told. You and Tanner go back. You two got to talking. Devil: [ Scoffs ] Quart of shine in my belly, I say a lot of things. Here's what I think. The potential, down in Harlan county to make money, you've only just begun to imagine, and there's only one thing standing in the way of making that happening. Devil: Well, we got a few things lined up. Tell me you're sh1tting me. Chasing money up a black holler? Cozying up with people you'd just as soon see swinging? Taking orders from a woman who has raised her hand to you and is protected by a man who is not against taking a poke at you himself! Give me an "amen!" Give me an "amen!" Give me a goddamn "amen!" Amen. Devil: What, you saying you got something better? I guaran-damn-tee it. Devil: Guarantee's a big word. You ain't the first to come along, making promises. Yes, but I am the first who can actually deliver. You see, I have the resources and the infrastructure to turn your shitty little project, or whatever the hell you call it, into a money-making machine. I just need the right people to run it. Devil: Mm. Right people. You're saying that's me? You wouldn't be here otherwise. Devil: [ Chuckles ] Well, I don't know. You don't know. [ Stammering ] Hey, you don't know. 'Cause, you know, I'm not gonna bullshit you. It would take you getting your hands dirty, but from what I understand, you're not against getting your hands dirty if it's a means to an end that makes sense. But let me just tell you this, devil. This is an opportunity that only happens once. Do you understand? Devil: Well, for the sake of argument... What you got in mind? [ Indistinct shouting ] [ Gun cocks ] [ Alarm buzzing ] Dewey: Ahhh! [ Shouting continues ] Dewey: You get off me! You big lug! Help! Dewey! Dewey: [ Groans ] Dickie: Don't let 'em think they got you hurt, Dewey! Dewey: Dickie! Help me! Dickie: Damn! E... would you... j-j... take it. Would you just hold still? Dickie: I-I... damn. What the hell are we supposed to do now? Dickie: [ Grunts ] What do you mean, what are we supposed to do now? The plan never accounted for this dipshit to be in the mix. Dewey: What? Dickie, you there? Dickie: Hey, hey! Brother Dewey! Yeah, man. Hey, have no fear. I'm right here. Dewey: I think I'm in shock. I feel cold. Dickie: Well, you never should've jumped in on the fight, man. Had 'em right where I wanted 'em. Dewey: What kind of man am I if I don't stand by my friends? The fight was supposed to put him in here, not you. You are now a liability. Dewey: Damn, man. Can I at least get like a Tylenol or something? Dickie: Yeah, can you get him... I say we throw him back to gen pop. I say he's hurt too much for that to be a viable option. You really think this one's gonna put 2 and 2 together? Hey, moron. How much have you heard? Dewey: About y'all breaking out? Nothing. D-d-d-d-do you hear this? Nice. Nice. Dickie: He ain't nothing to worry about. Come on. I mean, take a look at him. Nah, he can't go back in. Not now. [ Sighs ] Wait a sec. I got an idea. Ash, would you start loading us up? I'm gonna handle this one. Dewey: Hey, hey, ain't no reason to handle me. I don't know anything. If you want, I could work up like a cover story and... and you all can... can play along. And... what you think? Uh-huh, yeah. What's that right there? Dewey: Hey! What the hell did you just do, man?! Dickie, help! Dickie: What did you do? Dewey! Hey, what did you do to him?! Whoa, ho, ho! Ho, ho! Just another minute. There we go. Time to go to sleep. Come on. Come on. Dickie: Why the hell did you go and do that? He said he didn't know nothing. So, you ready to do things my way, or would you like option "b"? ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Raylan: Let's see if I got this right. You managed to get bushwacked by an imbecile and an undernourished half-cripple. I turned my back for one second. Next thing I know, I wake up, I'm in the refrigerator. Gonna take all week to get my core temp back up. Rachel: [ Clears throat ] Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Pen clicks ] Rachel: Prison old-timer died in his sleep last night and was awaiting transfer to the morgue. Raylan: So they slipped out in a coroner's van? Rachel: Well, Tramble's got its own private hearse transfer. Subcontracted out. Raylan: We got a line on the driver? Rachel: [ Sighs ] Edward Fowler. Worked for Tramble six months. Bolo's already out on the hearse, and the marshals task force will follow up on the other leads. [ Taps glass ] Hey. I... my shift's been up for three hours, and I-I'm gonna need stitches, and I can't really stitch up myself. Is there any chance I could cut loose and head to urgent care soon? Raylan: Sit tight. Hey. All right. [ Rustling ] Any trouble? Not a peep. Good job. Sure. Hey, you think I can get a little taste... [ Gunshot ] [ Muffled grunting ] Nap time's over, gimpy. Come on. Dickie: Aah! Time for business. Dickie: [ Coughing ] [ Sighs ] [ Engine shuts off ] [ Moaning continues ] Dickie: You just gonna let him freak out inside that thing all day or what? Your boyfriend. You fix it. Dickie: Dew-dew-Dewey, hey, hey. There... there you go. Dewey: What the hell, man?! Dickie: There you go. Whoa! Oh! Hey! Easy, easy, easy. Hey... hey, look at me. Hey. Take a look around. Take a look around. Come on. See what we got here? You're free, brother. Dewey: Free where? Where the hell am I? Dickie: You're out of Tramble now. Dewey: Why am I out of Tramble? And which one of y'all stuck me in the neck? Your lucky day, Dewey. This thing goes right, you may live as a free man. Dewey: Serious? Well, awesome. Later. Dickie: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Funny, I said if things go well. Did you get out okay? Got me on a short leash. He wanted to make sure I went to the hospital and got stitches. Still don't know why we need dumb and dumber both. You let me worry about dumber. You just worry about the other thing. All right. This is how this works. You got the money up blacktown. That is where we are headed. Dickie: [ Laughing ] Oh, no, no, no, no. You need to know that you don't know sh1t about Nobles Holler, all right? 'Cause I can tell you we ain't getting anywhere near that place with the whole crew who we got going on here. That's why it's just gonna be you and me, buttercup. [ Clicks tongue ] You take him to the hotel. You wanted him. He's your problem. Come on, gimp. Let's roll. [ Engine turns over ] Raylan: Friends? Loretta: Couple. You know. Raylan: Still slinging weed? Loretta: Mostly heroin. Over cocaine. Is that why you're here? Marvel at the expansion of my drug empire? Raylan: Yeah, I have been wondering how you're doing. Loretta: Well, here you see it, in all its babysitting glory. Raylan: But I need to ask you a question. [ Muffled shouting ] Loretta: Donnie, you put that down right this minute! [ Chuckles ] What question? Raylan: Mags Bennett may have a sizeable amount of money socked away. Loretta: Yeah? Raylan: Yeah. Loretta: How much? Raylan: Can't say. Loretta: "Can't say" you don't know or "can't say" you can't say? Raylan: Bit of both. Loretta: You gonna ask do I have it? Raylan: Was just gonna ask if you knew where she kept it. Loretta: Couldn't say. Raylan: "Couldn't say" don't know or "couldn't say" couldn't say? Loretta: Well, why couldn't I have it? Raylan: I think if you did, you'd quit the babysitting gig. Loretta: Well, maybe I'm doing this babysitting gig to throw off the authorities. Raylan: Loretta, do you have it? Rachel: Got it. Okay. Thanks. Found the hearse off 225. Driver shot once through the head, two empty body bags in the back plus the old-timer they used to get out. Raylan: They got an accomplice outside. Rachel: Or they had a gun ready. Come time to make a deal with the driver, they put a bullet through him instead. Raylan: Mm. Rachel: Anyways, you were explaining where we're going? Raylan: Nobles holler. Rachel: Mm. Raylan: Nice community. Carved out for emancipated slaves after the civil war. Good white folks of the county been trying to dig 'em out going on 150 years now. Rachel: Hasn't happened yet? Raylan: They're still working on it. Rachel: Mm. You're all up on your race relations. Raylan: I pay attention during black history month. Rachel: Oh, and you're bringing me along as the ambassador of African-America. Help smooth your passage. Raylan: I recall being pulled along on a similar mission sometime back. Rachel: Fair enough. Raylan: Anyway, if the girl's right, Mags kept her money there. Fellow named Ellstin Limehouse. Rachel: You know this Limehouse? Raylan: Mm, no. Met him once. Rachel: And you think Dickie's fool enough to show up there looking for it? Raylan: Fool enough to bring along Dewey Crowe. I'd say anything's possible. [ Gear engages, engine shuts [ off, car door opens ] [ Car door closes ] [ Car door opens, closes ] Raylan: Mr. Limehouse. Deputy Marshall givens. Deputy Marshall Brooks. Givens? Boy, something about that name. Raylan: Remembering my daddy, I expect. Why? He do something worth me remembering him? Raylan: You put it that way, no. Well then, why would I remember him? Rachel: We're here about two local boys. Dickie Bennett and Dewey Crowe. Busted out of the pen at Tramble this morning. Who in the hell is Dewey Crowe? Raylan: Wears gator teeth. Joined the heil Hitler club. Wants you to know he's bad, but doesn't have it down yet. We have to pretend you don't know Dickie Bennett? Word is Bennetts have been keeping their cash up this holler a long time, and Dickie, being out... He's gonna need a friend. And you think I'm that friend. Rachel: Mr. Limehouse, any information you might have on Dickie or the money he's after... Where is your family tree, girl? Trying to cover it up, but I hear Tennessee up in there. Rachel: You hear right. Now, down Tennessee, your people teach you the way to get ahead is betraying the confidence of folk you got dealings with? Rachel: Taught me to be careful who I choose to do business with in the first place. Well, you got luxuries up there we ain't got down here. Raylan: I didn't know you were from Tennessee. Rachel: Hendersonville, up near Johnny cash's place. Raylan: Ever see him? Rachel: Nah, I never made it up that way. Ended up helping my mama clean house for a white lady. Said I needed to go to college. Paid my way. Four years at ole miss. Raylan: I believe ole miss has the best looking girls of any college in the country, even Vanderbilt. Well, you two clearly got a lot to talk about, so... Rachel: We're not done with you, yet. You know, I'd love to help you marshals, but these ribs is done. But y'all can bring your revenue agents down here if you want to with their guns and their dogs. Won't be the first time nor the last, I expect. Rachel: You can start by posting up on your road into town. Keep an eye out for Dickie. I'm sure you won't mind since you got nothing to hide. If you get hungry, you come on up. I'm gonna hook you up with some bacon. You ain't ever gonna forget. Rachel: [ Scoffs ] Raylan: We get KSP to post a unit up here. You mind if I leave you with them? Sit in the a/c? Rachel: Well, where are you going? Raylan: Another idea I want to run down. How the hell did the marshal service get posted up here already? [ Sighs ] Did you tip them off, Dickie? Dickie: Oh, yeah, yeah, I tipped off Raylan about my own escape. What can I say? I-it really felt right at the time. sh1t! [ Sighs ] Well, we are not getting up there. Dickie: Well, that is surely true. [ Engine turns over ] Wha... where are we going now? To the motel. If I can't get up there, you're gonna find a way to get the goddamn money out. [ Gear engages, [ engine shuts off ] Dickie: [ Grunts ] [ Door closes ] What happened? No joy. Give me a phone. Hello, Dickie Bennett. You two know each other? Sure we do. We got family in Harlan. We know all the Bennetts, matter of fact, not just this sorry sh1t heap. Dickie: Hey, hey. Ohh! Ain't no reason to get all spun up there, tater tot. You call your banker. You tell him to bring that money someplace useful, or I will show you what it means to get "spun up." Dickie: Okay. Here we go. It's ringing. Yeah, h... Yeah, hello? This is, uh, I'm a very special friend and client of Mr. Limehouse. If you would please put him on the phone right straightaway, thank you. Say what? No, that... Hello? Uh... It's okay. I'm just gonna do something here. [ Inhales deeply ] [ Cellphone ringing ] [ Groans ] You know he's just gonna keep on calling. Yeah, give it here. [ Sighs ] [ Cellphone beeps ] Now, before you say a damn word, I need to know you know how to talk on a telephone. Dickie: You know that I do, and you know I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't something needed done, okay? I assume you are aware of the situation up here. Dickie: Yes, I am aware, and let me just say, okay, that I wish this... this... this... All this could be handled in some other way, but since it can't, here's the thing. I am counting on you, okay? I'm counting on your sterling reputation for customer service, not to mention our family's long and mutually beneficial history to prevail upon you to honor the arrangement between us, okay? And, given the current circumstances, I'm gonna need you to bring the, um, uh, package to some other location. Yeah. Okay. Boyd: Well, if it ain't the devil himself. Johnny: Where the hell you been, brother? Devil: Been around. Johnny: Around, huh? Devil: Yeah. What? I miss something? Boyd: Uh, just your share. Johnny had his eyes on it, but I was able to fend him off. [ Money rustling ] Devil: This it? Johnny: What, you were expecting a prize at the bottom? Devil: No, it's just a little light is all. Boyd: Just watering seeds, son. Just watering seeds. Devil: Yeah, you been telling me that, haven't you? Johnny: What the hell you so crotchety about, devil? Devil: Nothing. Just wondering if and when we're ever gonna actually make a move on something worth moving on. Boyd: And I told you that time is coming. [ Vehicle approaches ] [ Sighs ] But we're gonna have to put a pin in this for now 'cause I'm sensing a disturbance in the force. [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: Boyd? Boyd: Hello, Raylan! Welcome! Raylan: I like what you've done with the place. Boyd: Well, I-I appreciate that. Uh, what can we do for you, Raylan? We have 17 different kinds of bourbon behind the bar. We'll even give you the first one on the house. Raylan: How many kinds of water? Boyd: Give him some tap. Raylan: And where's Arlo? Boyd: Are you saying I know the whereabouts of your daddy better than you do? Raylan: Saying I can't see him passing up the chance to drink off a weekday afternoon. Boyd: Uh, prostate. It makes it hard for him to piss whatever he takes in. Raylan: Well, you know what they say... getting old ain't for pussies. Boyd: Yeah. Devil: Your daddy's slipping into decrepitude. Johnny: Truly is sad, being the man that he once was. Raylan: He was something. Han rd on my mother, though. He'd lay bruises on her when he'd drink or when he didn't. I was 10 the night she decided she'd had enough. Lit out, took a clutch with her like she wasn't coming back. Boyd: And did she go up to nobles holler? Le... Raylan: Mm-hmm. Heard the stories... white women seeking shelter there, men not daring to follow them in. But not Arlo. [ Laughing ] Oh, hell no. He wasn't scared of black folks. He was gonna chase her down and bring her back. 'Course, he tied one on first and then come up and dragged me with. Boyd: Oh, how did that sit with the good folks in nobles holler? Raylan: We come up to the bridge. Arlo set to screaming for her. And that's when I met Ellstin Limehouse. Young man, then... 20, 22. Arlo reached back about as far as Nebraska to swing at him. Limehouse just felled him like a tree. He beat him so bad, I had to drag him back to the car and drive him home. Boyd: Well, that must have made quite an impression, seeing your daddy laid low like that. Raylan: And yet, I was up at nobles holler this afternoon. Limehouse... no recollection of it whatsoever, like it never happened. Boyd: Uh, well, m-maybe he just found it interesting to allow you to believe that. Raylan: Maybe. Or maybe he's kicked so many white boys' asses, he just ain't keeping track no more. What do you think? Boyd: Hey, boys. Would you mind giving me and U.S. deputy marshal Raylan givens a moment, please? Johnny: Come on, devil. Boyd: So, I'd love to know what precipitated that conversation between you and Mr. Limehouse. Raylan: Mm. Well. [ Grunts ] Dickie Bennett took a flyer out of Tramble this morning. Boyd: He did not? Raylan: His compadre in escape none other than Dewey Crowe. Boyd: Dewey Crowe? Raylan: I don't suppose they've been by. Boyd: Uh, no, no, no, they have not, and I think we can both agree that if he's running around with Dickie, I'm unlikely to receive him. Raylan: No. More likely you go after him. Which would be easier if you knew where they were, even if it was in prison. Boyd: All right. Uh, I might have a nut or two for your trail mix. Raylan: I'm listening. Boyd: A bent screw at Tramble, the kind of guy who can put people together who ain't supposed to be. He might be the same kind of guy who can get them out. Yeah? What can I do for you? The Slayton gang rode past here last night, heading South. I'd like some help... You still think he's gonna call? [ Sighs ] I say we do the other thing. Not yet. Yeah, we don't need Coombs and junior around for that. The kind of money that you're talking about is a pauper's wages compared to what we're gonna get. If the man ever calls. He'll call. Dewey: Hey, man, I don't mean to complain, but I got a series hunger thing going on over here. Hey, man, why don't you just shut your mouth and watch TV? Hey. Look. I haven't eaten all day, either, and I've got stitches, so I'm not going anywhere. Are you going out? Get some chicken. Dewey: Yeah, I-I want chicken. Daddy, you want some chicken? Dewey: Dickie, we're getting chicken. Hey, this is your idea. Dewey: No Cole slaw! Devil: Johnny. Johnny: [ Sighs ] Damn, devil, what the hell you doing lurking around back here? Devil: Just waiting, hoping for a word. Johnny: A word? Gonna shed some light on why you been all jinked up lately? Devil: Only $360, that's what's got me all jinked up. Johnny: It is what it is, devil. You can blame the economy. Devil: Blame belongs one place, and you and I both know where. Johnny: What are you driving at, devil? Devil: I remember after you got shot, I come visit you at the va hospital. I remember you saying, "Boyd put me here. Put me in this chair." Johnny: Well, I was on a lot of meds at the time. Devil: $360. That enough to put all that behind you? Johnny: Well, he's helped out since. Devil: Yeah? How? Got you your bar back? Hallelujah. What else, Johnny? You name me one thing that's worth a sh1t. Johnny: Yeah, okay! Look, I-I'm not gonna deny, sitting in this goddamn chair, that I ain't never had that thought before. Devil: Hey, look. There's a time I believed in Boyd Crowder. I did, with everything I had.Ad but the Boyd we have today is not the man I believed in, not by a long shot, mnh-mnh. Look at us, Johnny. You and me, right connections? There ain't any limits on what we can do down here. Johnny: [ Laughs ] Well, I will grant you that. But, devil, just how do you think we're gonna get our hands on those right connections? Devil: I got a line on that already. Putting together a meeting for tomorrow. It's gonna put us in some real deep pockets. Johnny: Mm. How deep? [ Knocks on door ] Devil: Listen, Johnny. I'll tell you anything you want to know. But I got to know you got my back. Johnny: Mm. Start talking, devil. Raylan: Is there any way you get me, you know, just a... a little closer or something? I'm at the location. [ Louder ] I said I'm at the location. My question... How are you doing, ash? Marshal. Raylan: Why don't you put your food down, and we'll have a word, huh? [ Laughs ] [ Engine revs ] [ Grunts ] [ Groaning ] Let's go. Raylan: Ash, you all right? No! You ran me over, you son of a bitch! Raylan: Yeah, technically you rolled over me, and then I backed into you, but you were brandishing a pistol both times. I think you broke my leg. Raylan: I'm gonna break both your legs you don't tell me where you were going with that food. Call an ambulance, man. Ow! I am jacked up. Come on! [ Groaning ] [ Key jingles ] Don't leave me. Don't leave... Raylan: Don't go far. [ TV chatter ] Raylan: Did you see that? They just left you. You know where they're going? I don't know what you're talking about. Ow. Raylan: Does your stomach hurt? Eh, could be bleeding inside. Most likely spleen. That's okay. You can pretty much live without a spleen as long as they get it out before it goes septic. If that sh1t happens... whoo! No bars. So hard to get cellphone service in these holler roads. Use the one in the hotel room. Raylan: Huh? Use the phone in the hotel room. Raylan: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just feel bad about leaving you again. You know, in case you die. Nobody wants to die alone, do they? Fine! Raylan: No? But you got to promise that, no matter what happens with them, no matter how weird this thing gets, you say I cooperated. Raylan: I'm sorry. What does that mean, "how weird things might get?" Let's go. [ Van door opens ] Now what? Dickie: Ugh. Get up. Look, he told the banker to take the money to his mama's store, okay? So you guys take Dickie up to the store, pick up the money, okay? Dewey, you're gonna stay with me. Dickie: Oh, no, no. Whoa-ho! He said... he said he would call when the money is there, and he ain't called. Has he called? You're a smart guy. Figure it out. Dickie: There ain't nothing to figure out beyond what's already figured out. Hey, listen to me. Ash is gone. Dickie: He said he would call... There's a new plan. Dickie: When the money is there! Either your man gets the money to the store on time, or you get dead. Dewey: What about me? I've got a bigger plan for you, okay? Or is that gonna be a problem, too? Dewey: Supposing you tell me it is before I answer? What do you think? Dickie: Would... would you just... shut up. Dickie: Call when the money is there. Junior, would you please run him down? Yeah. Get your ass in the car. Dickie: Go, Dewey! Dewey: [ Screams ] Dickie: Look out. Oh! I'll get it. Come on. Dickie: [ Groans ] Rachel: Can't let you through. Oh, come on now. Rachel: I need you to three-point this truck and send it on back up the holler. Miss, I... Rachel: Deputy Marshal Brooks. Deputy marshal Brooks, excuse me. This truck is carrying pig sh1t and pig sh1t only. Rachel: Yeah, your delivery's gonna be a little late. Fe free to blame me. So that's how it is then, huh? Rachel: That's how it is. Uh, let me start again, okay? This is our livelihood. Whatever you got with Limehouse is with Limehouse. Alls I'm asking is for passage of a truckload of pig manure. Rachel: The only way this truck leaves here is if we go through every inch of it, get an all-clear from Lexington, and then maybe. [ Sighs ] You did hear me say what I'm hauling, right? Rachel: I'm ready to get dirty. Are you? [ Chuckles ] [ Sighs ] Y'all have a good night. [ Sighs ] Raylan: Ash says Dickie's got a deal with Limehouse. The money's gonna be at the Bennett store. Rachel: Well, one of Limehouse's men tried to slip out a fertilizer truck. I sent him back. The money could've been in there. Raylan: Well, if so, then the money's not gonna be there, and like as not, they're gonna kill Dickie. sh1t. Rachel: What? Raylan: Goddamn if I don't have to save Dickie Bennett. [ Grunts ] See, Dickie, when that black pike sh1t went down, what your mama did after... selling all those folks out that believed in you... that crossed the line of decency as far as I'm concerned. Dickie: Oh, now, w-whoa. Hold on. Say that part again... the part about crossing a line of some kind. The line of decency. Dickie: Now, isn't that just a wee bit ironic coming from a fella holding a gun on an unarmed man? [ Laughs ] Yeah, you see, Dickie, I volunteered to come out here for one reason and one reason only. See, 'cause I thought it would be fun to put a bullet in you and watch you die. Let's go. Come on. March, gimp! Come here. What's the holdup? Dickie: Well, it just gives me pause, junior, to see how far the mighty have fallen. No sh1t. Come on. Dickie: [ Grunts ] Let's go. Say there's some money in here, how about you get to it? Dickie: Why don't you just... Easy. Whew. Ain't looking too good, is it? Dickie: Just hold on, hold it. Let me just keep... can I... may I keep looking for one second? O... Second's up, Dickie. Dickie: Wait! Okay? I'm just... I got something here. Just... Ooh! [ Laughs ] This... How about that sh1t, huh? Well, I'll be goddamned. Dickie: Yeah. Daddy, look... look at this. Open it. Dickie: You... Come on. You heard him. Dickie: You want me to... Open it. Dickie: Hey. Take it easy. [ Breathes deeply ] Hello, baby. Here we go. Uh, uh, hold on. Dickie: [ Stammers ] Daddy, suppose he got a gun hidden up in there, come out blasting? Look at us then. Dickie: Hey! Junior, fine! That's fine, fine. Why don't you go right on ahead? You open it yourself. Yeah, go on. It's all right. What, and then you got a booby trap in there and I get my face blown off? Dickie: One of us needs to o-open the cooler, if we're gonna see what's inside! I know that. Dickie: Well... Shut up! Let me think. God's sake, boy. Put your gun on his neck, stand back, and have him open it. I got to tell you everything? Dickie: Does he have to tell you everything? Shut up! Open it, shitheel! Dickie: Okay. [ Grunts ] [ Sighs ] Holy sh1t. What? [ Gunshot ] Dickie: Ohh! What? Ugh! [ Gunshot ] [ Groans ] Dickie: [ Groaning ] Clear down here. Come on down. Dickie: Ohh! Ah! Ha! [ Laughs ] Whoo! Dickie: I got to tell... You... you... this man right... You... I got to tell you, you had me a wee bit worried. Your friends in the marshal service? Now, they sure can be watchful. We had to fly that stuff out here in an old underground railroad trail. Dickie: Well, these two right here... ho! How you like me now? These two right here were gonna put me down either way so I got to tell you something right here right now. I thank you. [ Laughs ] Okay. Um, here's the thing. Got one question for you. This...Right here... uh, is this a teaser bag and you got the money all split up, safe and sound? No, that's it. Dickie: That's it? That's... That's it, meaning... That's all that got left, Dickie. Dickie: [ Laughs ] There's supposed to be $3 million in here, Limehouse. Way north of $3 million. You know. Come on. Look, it's all spent, except what you see right there. That's $46,313. And receipts accounting for every single penny that your mama spent, buying mostly property for that mine deal. Dickie: Hell no. Mama, looking down, she knows that this ain't right. Dickie. We done. Dickie: Limehouse! Just... [ sighs ] I believe the terms of the deal are I receive the money and then we are through, ain't that right? That's right. Those are the terms. [ Lid closes, cooler slides ] Dickie: Then you take it back. Just go on. I do not accept this. What exactly is you aiming to do out here in this world with no money, son? Dickie: You don't need to worry about what I'm gonna do, okay? What you can worry about, if it ain't too mucho ask, y-y-you could lend me a shotgun. How about that? [ Scoffs ] No, go ahead. Dump it. Give it to him. [ Sighs ] [ Shotgun clicks ] Dickie: [ Grunts ] You good with this, Mr. Bennett? Dickie: Are we good? [ Laughs ] Are we good? Can you not tell? [ Laughs ] Dickie: Why don't you just go on? Go on. Get your... get your p-p... It's got handles there. Just go on. Just leave me here with all my nothing! I want you to make that money have babies, all right? I want to see it back where it belongs! Hey! I will come for it! You hear me? Raylan: How far behind me are you? Rachel: Um, 10? You going in or are you gonna wait? Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Two gunshots ] Yeah, I'm gonna go in. [ Cellphone beeps ] Dickie: Raylan givens. Hey, there, Raylan. Hey, you know what? I hereby surrender, Raylan. You... you... you got me. Raylan: [ Sighs ] What the hell, Dickie? Dickie: [ Inhales sharply ] Well, you know, the thing is, I-I really had no choice, Raylan. They forced me into it. You see, the escape, the money, the whole thing. To be very clear, Raylan, I am the victim here. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Yeah, that much is clear. Dickie: And Dewey Crowe, he can back up every word. Raylan: Where is Dewey Crowe? [ TV chatter ] Dewey: I still don't see why I got to be bound. I'm a wanted fugitive. Where the hell am I gonna go? Oh, come on. Why don't you loosen these up? I've been here hours like this. I can't feel my feet. [ TV chatter ] [ Sighs ] You're right. It's been too long. If things are going to plan, we would've heard by now. So now we got to do the other thing. Dewey: Wait. What... what other thing? [ Grunts ] Dickie: Hey. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, come on, no! No! Shh! Dewey: No! Oh, come on, no! No! No! Shh! Dickie: No! [ Straining ] No! There we go. Get some rest, Dewey Crowe. You're gonna need it. [ Grunts ] Hey. I got one. No, no, I just got the one. But, hey, before you get in the car, I may have a way for us to make some more money. Yeah. Devil: Hey, Boyd. We got to talk. Boyd: Oh. Well, come on in, devil. Have a seat. Johnny. Uh, why are you so serious? Is this a... a good meeting or a bad meeting? Devil: This is a come-to-Jesus meeting, Boyd. Boyd: Well, is that a note of veiled menace I detect in your voice, devil? Devil: You hear it however you need to. Boyd: Johnny, what's this about? Devil: Look at me, Boyd. It's been coming a long time. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Well, uh, devil, this road you seem bent on taking... once you go down it, there ain't no coming back. Now, I'm offering you a way out here. You choose to take it. Devil: Yeah, save it. There ain't any way you talk yourself out of this. Unh-unh. Boyd: What line did they take with you, son? They tell you, why be the man sitting beside the man when you can be the man? Now, don't you know that you were jumping out of the frying pan into the fire? Devil: I guess we'll see, won't we? Boyd: [ Sighs ] Well, I guess there's nothing left to do then but to do it. Devil: I guess not. [ Gun cocks ] Boyd: Uh...Uh, one more thing. Indulgence, if you'll allow me. [ Breathing heavily ] Devil, knowing me the way that you do, whatever led you in your imagination to believe that you could pull this off? [ Gun cocks ] Devil: Johnny, what the... Johnny: It ain't never gonna happen, devil. You should've known that. Boyd: Devil. Devil: Wait! Wait! Boyd: All I ever asked for was your loyalty. Was I not entitled to that, after everything that we've been through? Devil: [ Chokes ] Boyd: I know how much it hurts. I've been right where you are, laid out on the ground and holding my chest, looking up at the ceiling...Trying to find my breath. Devil, I was lucky I made it back. Son, you ain't gonna make it back. Devil: [ Crying ] Boyd: You want some help with the pain? You close your eyes, son. Devil: [ Whimpering ] [ Gun cocks ] [ Gunshot ]	Plan: A: Dickie; Q: Who is broken out of prison by corrupt guard Ash? A: ( Todd Stashwick; Q: Who is Ash? A: an unwilling Dewey; Q: Who is taken along for the ride? A: Dewey; Q: Who is taken to a motel room where his captor is planning to harvest his organs? A: Limehouse; Q: Who kills Dickie's captors? A: Boyd; Q: Who sets a trap for Devil? A: Raylan's mother; Q: Who did Arlo try to hurt? A: the remaining accomplices; Q: Who split up with the two prisoners when Raylan takes down Ash? A: two; Q: How many prisoners are left when Ash is killed? A: the old Bennett store; Q: Where is the Bennett fortune? A: wayward Crowder associate Devil; Q: Who is Quarles trying to get Johnny to jump ship with him? A: Quarles; Q: Who tries to get Devil to jump ship with him? A: a deadly trap; Q: What does Boyd set for Devil? Summary: Dickie is broken out of prison by corrupt guard Ash ( Todd Stashwick ) and his three accomplices, with an unwilling Dewey coming along for the ride. Looking for Dickie, Raylan reaches out to Limehouse and Boyd, the latter to whom he relates a story of when a younger Arlo was knocked out by Limehouse after trying to hurt Raylan's mother. When Raylan takes down Ash, the remaining accomplices split up with the two prisoners. Dewey tries to escape, but is taken to a motel room where his captor is planning to harvest his organs. The two other captors force Dickie to call Limehouse and arrange a drop of the Bennett fortune. They take Dickie to the old Bennett store looking for the fortune. Limehouse is lying in wait and kills Dickie's captors, giving Dickie what he says is left of the fortune. Dickie refuses to take it and opts instead to wait for Raylan to show up and turn himself in. Elsewhere, wayward Crowder associate Devil is reached out to by Quarles, and he tries to get Johnny to jump ship with him. However, Johnny sets him up and Devil walks into a deadly trap set by Boyd.
Dwight: Today is the first day of Sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores. I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram, head of special projects. Work starts at nine. Sabre HQ is thirty minutes away, driving the speed limit. Giving everyone twenty minutes to shower, plus fifty for Jim to style his hair, twenty for breakfast, forty for Erin to get lost between her room and the lobby, ninety for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy... We're already twenty minutes late. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Wake up! [Cathy screams] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wake up! [Erin kicks him] Ow! Why are you sleeping that way? Erin: Oh. I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Stanley! Wake up! You've got to wake up, the hotel's on fire! Erin: Stanley, wake up, it's pretzel day! [Dwight pinches Stanley's nose and covers his mouth] Stanley: Mmm! [struggles] Ugh! Dwight: [lets go] Good morning. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Hey, wake up. Let's have some fun. We're in Florida now. Ryan: Hey, you. I'm so glad this is happening. I actually came to your door twice last night. Come on in, the water's fine. [sees Dwight] Oh, not cool! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I am on the two kid sleep schedule so I'm up and at 'em at four fifteen, but no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something. Uh- [hears door, hides] Dwight: Heeeere's Dwi- what the-? [sees trashed room] Oh man. Erin: What do you think happened? Dwight: Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples. [sees "IT WAS DWIGHT" written in lipstick on the door] Oh no, no, no, no. It wasn't me. I gotta find Luwanda at The Alcohol Club. Oh. [Jim falls out of the closet, Erin and Dwight scream] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Puppet. Cathy: Cool, for your kids? Jim: Yeah. It's weird being away from them. Never done this before. Dwight: Attention, Dunder Mifflin group. Proceed outside. The vehicle is waiting. Seats have been assigned. Shotgun goes to Ryan. Congratulations, Ryan. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'll have a bottle of the antacid. Also, I want to get a souvenir for my son, but his mother doesn't acknowledge my paternity. Do you have anything for that? Also, I want it to have a Florida feel. Saleswoman: What does he like? Dwight: Power. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Okay, and this one is, "Huh. Don't see too many museums around here." Dwight: Okay, Twiggy, that's enough. Get in the car. Erin: Hey, are you okay? Dwight: I'm fine, okay? It's just stress. You know, 'cause I care about this project. And frankly the fact that none of you are vomiting or diarrheal right now I find very alarming. Erin: Who says none of us are diarrheal? Jim: Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you. Dwight: Very funny, Jim. Jim: Oh no, I'm serious. I was thinking, "For this trip I have to do something epic, so what should that be?" and then I thought of it. I'll poison you. What are you gonna do? You gonna steal my newspaper or put a cricket in my cereal or something? Dwight: I'm gonna set your face on fire. Jim: That's a good one. [a red sports car drives up] Whoa, Stanley! Did you just come back from burning down a rival nightclub? Stanley: Laugh it up, Halpert. I'm in Florida for a month without my family. I'm gonna enjoy this. Want to get in? You can work the iPod. Jim: Yes. Stanley: You're a nice guy, Jim, but you have no idea how to vacation. Find some Kenny Loggins. Jim: Loggins and Messina. Stanley: Did I say "Messina?" [tires screech] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Ahh! [laughs] Sorry I couldn't resist. It's so quiet. Creed: I like it. It's so peaceful, I've already written like, twelve plays today. Andy: It's so quiet, one might say, you could hear a pin... [drops pin] I thought that would be cooler. Darryl: I loved it. Meredith: Hey, can you pick up the pin? Some of us like to work in our bare feet. Andy: Of course, I will pick up the pin. It is right here. Got it. Oscar: Can we see that? Did you really find it? Andy: Yes, right here. Got it. Dink, ow. [chuckles, clicks tongue] In the trash. Pam: Hey, why is it so quiet? Shouldn't the phone be ringing? Uh-oh. Erin set the phone to voicemail. Everyone: Oh great. [overlapping chatter] Kelly: We're screwed. Pam: There. [phone rings] Andy: Oh! There we go! Pam? Pam: Yeah? Andy: Can you get the phone? Pam: Well I'm not the receptionist. Andy: Mm, well, you used to be. Pam: I know, but I can't cover reception. I have a ton of work to do. Andy: Phone's ringing. Kelly: Will one of you get the phone? I am freaking out! I know it's for me. [Andy and Pam silently argue] Are you guys kidding me? Stop flirting and someone get the phone! Everyone: Somebody! Answer the phone. Kelly: Andy, pick up the phone! Stanley: Get the damn phone. Meredith: You're the closest one to it. Andy: Fine. Hello, Dunder Mifflin. [ringing continues] Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin. How may I be of service? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Man. Cathy: How was the drive? Jim: Fantastic. Stanley drives so fast. Stanley: Life is short. "Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse." That's one of my mottoes. Jim: I would love to hear the other mottos. [SCENE_BREAK] Packer: Quick query, Halpert. Jim: No way. Packer: Still queer? Dwight: Packer. Packer: You can't put me down. Too strong! [SCENE_BREAK] Packer: Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired, but I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives, and a nine-inch- [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Psst. Say, "So who's leading this thing, anyway?" Ryan: So who's leading this thing, anyway? Nellie: Psst. Say, "I can't wait to meet him." Ryan: I can't wait to meet him. Nellie: Him, you say? Don't think a woman can be a leader? Ryan: I- Nellie: You poor, simple boy. Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful. Huge, whopping pen1s? Well, sorry to disappoint, but my huge, whopping pen1s is right here, [points to her head] and I'm not afraid to use it. So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my pen1s. [slow clap] I'm Nellie Bertram, president of special projects. In the next few weeks we're going to throw everything you know about business out of the window and do it our own way. Are your minds blown? So, how did this special project come about anyway? Well, I interviewed to be the manager of your branch. [points to Jim] After you decided I wasn't "a good fit-" Jim: It was- Nellie: Ah! It was. I went on a shopping spree. Very destructive. I bought thirteen pianos. Then I realized, what if Sabre had a store? Hmm? So I called Jo, old friend, founder of Sabre, and I told her and she grabbed me by the shoulders and she said, "Yes!" So let's talk about the Sabre store then. Probably gonna look stupid, right? Like a big turd with a door on the front, right? What do you think it should look like? Cathy: Um, it might be fun if each store had a different theme, like a beach one, a winter one, a jungle one. Nellie: No, not a big fan of the winter aesthetic. Cathy: Well that was just one idea. It doesn't have to be winter. Nellie: Oh, no, it does. It does. It has to be winter, and I reject it. So I drew up a design concept. Probably gonna be rubbish, right? Would you like to look at it? Just so you could laugh at it. Erin: Yeah! Nellie: Let me just get the projector working. Dwight: Uh. [eats antacids] Jim: You got to stop with the antacids. It's not the antidote. Dwight: You didn't poison me, it's just stress. Jim: Okay. Dwight: What is the antidote? Jim: True love's kiss. Nellie: Jim, help me lower this screen. You're a big, tall man. [points to Ryan] You'd be hilarious trying to do it, like a little boy. Just let go of his balloon. Dwight: I'll do it! I always say, "You want something done right? Ask Dwight." Right? Dwight. Right? Dwight. Right Dwight, right Dwight. Sorry, now you'll never be able to get that out of your head. [reaches up, whimpers] Packer: I can do it. Dwight: Mmm! [screams, pulls down screen] There we go. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone] Yes, a complete inability to pass gas, pervert. Ugh, yeah, it's tender. It can't be appendicitis, I eat more than enough bacon. Okay, what poison mimics the symptoms of appendicitis? Oh, you don't know? Hold on. [to Jim] What kind of poison did you use? Jim: Dwight, I didn't poison you. I was kidding. Dwight: Yeah, I'm gonna need an ambulance. Hold on, I have the address in my phone. [sees chart on screen] Hold on. Hold on one second. Uh, quick question. Vice president, uh, who is that? There's no name listed. Nellie: Is there not? Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to wow me. [winks] Emergency Operator: Sir? Sir, where should we send the ambulance? Dwight: Send it to the frickin' moon, idiot. [SCENE_BREAK] Packer: I tell you what though, since my move down to Florida I've really gotten back into hunting big time. Nellie: Hunting's so primal. Almost sexual. Packer: Totally. I mean, I'd never bang an animal, you can hardly tell the difference between a boy or a girl, you know, but hunting's intense. Dwight: You talking about hunting? I love hunting. I'm a master hunter. Packer: Did you say "masturbator?" Dwight: I'm a decent baiter. My cousin Mose, that's a master baiter. Nellie: Why are you sitting down like that? Dwight: Why is everyone else standing up? Okay team, let's get back to work! Break's over! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Wow. Are you that bored? Stanley: It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate. Jim: Is that another motto? Stanley: It's whatever you want. [offers Jim the bottle] Jim: Mmm. Stanley: Or do you only drink with your kids? Jim: Ah, let's do it. [laughs] Oh, that's healthy. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I've spent so much of my life telling myself "Please, don't end up like Stanley," and now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: We have the Sabre Pyramid, right? Hmm? We've got a bunch of humans. You guys, humans... pyramid. Human pyramid. Do you follow? It's a team-building exercise. You'll love it. Who's in? Hmm? Packer: Yup. Tallahassee, let's go. Erin: Jim, are you in? Jim: Oh, I don't know. Stanley: Sounds like a hoot. I'm in. Jim: All right, what the heck? Let's do it. Packer: This is great. This is gonna be great. Nellie: I feel like I'm in ancient Egypt. Dwight: I'll be on top. It's the most important position. Ryan: Dude, I think you have appendicitis. Dwight: [tries to climb human pyramid] Ahh! Ryan: Dwight? Jim: Dwight, why don't we just hold off with the human pyramids for a while? Dwight: Everyone stop moving! Everyone stop wiggling! Oh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit! Packer: Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen. Dwight: [groans] Stop moving! Jim: No one's moving! Dwight: Oh! [collapses] Everyone: Oh, oh! [general commotion] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Arrest Jim. He poisoned me. Jim: Wha- no. No, it was not a poisoning. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: The one thing Pam made sure I knew, Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty. Paramedic: You need an operation. You have appendicitis. Ryan: Oh! Who called it? Nothin' but net. Erin: How long will he be gone? Paramedic: Two or three days. Dwight: Don't remember me like this. Remember me as the man who pulled down the screen. Packer: Drama queen, am I right? Dwight: [to phone] Phillip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I'm dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. Kill Mose before he kills you. [presses button] Mose, hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up. Packer: That was an interesting diversion. Shall we get back to the meeting? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Whoa, are those mini pizzas? Andy: Yeah, I figured we'd keep things savory while Oscar's mouth is in canker country. I also have some bacon-wrapped dates on deck. Kevin: Look at these little mini pizzas. Does this make me look huge? [giggles] Hey guys, look at me, I'm huge. Andy: Hey Darryl, good news, your fax went through. Darryl: Oh [bleep] yeah. Andy: Up high. Darryl: Yes sir. Thanks. Andy: Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy. [whispers to Kelly] I put out some new magazines, check it out. Creed: Ah, Dwell. Andy: I'm acting like I like reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like reception, but, I mean, seriously, reception sucks. [phone rings] Oh, there's the phone! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I just got out of surgery. What's going on? Fill me in. Erin: Well, we broke into groups and the groups are doing presentations later. Dwight: Who's doing the presentations? Erin: Packer's giving one. [Dwight growls] Jim'll probably give ours, I guess. Dwight: Damn it! Erin: Let's see, what else have you missed? Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt, you're a total dip, but if you switch, you're a copycat. But I think I figured out a solution. What else? My shoes are gonna- [SCENE_BREAK] Packer: -features a tech support area. Bring in your product, a bunch of nerdy virgins fix it on the spot. Huge for building loyalty. Nellie: Very good point. Dwight: Yeah Todd, decent idea. Obvious, but interesting. Nellie: Dwight, are you all right? Dwight: I'm great. How are you? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: What's our presentation about? Jim: Dwight, will you go back to the hospital? You were there for like three hours. Dwight: I got the surgery, what else is there to do? Erin: Do a hundred jumping jacks. Dwight: No, I don't feel like it. You do a hundred jumping jacks. Erin: I don't feel like it either! [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [doing jumping jacks] Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine- [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I want that vice-presidency. Jim: You haven't done any of the research. Dwight: "You're too slow, you're too small, Seabiscuit is a stupid name." You guys sound just like the enemies of Seabiscuit. I'm going to do it. Stanley: Aw, let him do it. Jim: Stanley, are you listening to music? Stanley: Yup. Dwight: All right, who's ready for the next presentation? Nellie: Ah, what is your topic? Dwight: What is our topic? Oh, what a topic it is. Erin: Retail consumer habits. Dwight: Really? Okay. Retail consumer habits is... [sighs] The only thing you need to know about retail consumer habits is that consumers are mindless lemmings. They just want to be told what to do. [Erin makes the first slide appear] Fast forward to today, and the retail consumer is independent, well-informed, super smart. Super smart. Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Shopping habits are both seasonal and cyclical. What does this mean? Ryan: I can field this one. Dwight: No, sit down. "Seasonal." Well, the Christmas shopping season is certainly a busy one, back-to-school is, as well, and in early summer it seems to slow down a bit, but shopping is also cyclical. The menstrual cycle determines every choice a woman makes. You see, during ovulation, a woman's only goal is to get pregnant, and during menses, she is sad that she has failed. And how does the woman console herself? Shopping. Shopping. Just- Jim, could you fetch me some ice chips? Thank you. Just gonna... take a... brief pause at this point. [Jim gives Dwight a bowl of ice chips] Thank you. [Dwight sticks his head in the bowl] Oh, God. Next slide. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Mail call! [sings] His name is Oscar, and he got some mail, and he better open it, or go to jail 'cause it's your taxes. His name is Kevin, and no mail for him, but he got a coupon, for some frozen... yogurt. Kevin: Are those the lyrics? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions? Nellie: What are the three pillars of retail? Erin: [whispers] Convenience. Dwight: Ingredients. Erin: Service. Dwight: Burgers. Erin: Building loyalty. Dwight: Killing royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia. You know what is important? Is Dwight's pillars, and there is only one: desire. Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate, and looking around this room I'm not so sure that we do, but we can get there, and I can lead us there, and that is all that matters. Nellie: Very true. Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will. That is very good, Dwight. Dwight: Thank you very much. Any other questions? Jim? Jim: You are bleeding through your shirt. Dwight: Oops. That's embarrassing. Egg on my face. [ties jacket around wound] Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, having fun? Andy: Yes I am, as a matter of fact. Pam: Well I know how it is. I know it's a lot of fun. I don't know how it is. Andy, this is a lame job. What are you doing here? Andy: I found my calling. Darryl: Andy, when I was twelve years old, we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I met this girl, I thought she was so perfect. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up, I knew it wasn't real, 'cause she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. I know you want reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog. Pam: Guys, I don't like this analogy. Andy: [groans] Ugh! Fine. Did you see this? [points to pens in cup] Pam: It's nice. Andy: I mean... [Pam giggles] [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: How are you feeling? Dwight: Amazing. Just lost four ounces of appendix, already replaced it with muscle. Nellie: Can I see the wound? Dwight: [show her the wound] Oh God. Nellie: Oh! That's disgusting. That's barely healed. Dwight: You're not paying me to heal, you're paying me to kick ass. Nellie: A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet. Dwight: That's right. Nellie: That is amazing. Todd, look at that. Packer: Oh, yikes. Incoming- [tries to touch the wound] Dwight: Ah! Not so fast. Nellie: Would you come in early tomorrow so we can talk about the store over breakfast? I feel you [points to both] have a lot to offer. Packer: It would be an honor, ma'am. Dwight: I'll go ahead and cancel my post-op check-up right now. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I had two goals today. The first was to make myself the clear candidate for vice president. I achieved that, no thanks to my appendix. The second was to find a memorable souvenir for Philip. For that, I do have to thank my appendix. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [answers the reception phone] Dunder Mifflin, how can I help you save money on paper? This is Andrew. Donna Muraski: Hi Andrew. What happened to Erin? Andy: Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida for a couple of weeks. Donna Muraski: Oh, good for her. She's such a sweetheart. You tell her Donna Muraski misses her. Andy: I miss her too. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Everyone, we have a very special guest. He turned an idea into a store, into hundreds of stores. I give you Wally Amos, founder of Famous Amos Cookies. [cheers, claps] Wally Amos: Aloha, aloha, aloha. So I hear you're all looking to bake up some dough in the sales game. Well, back when I was regular Amos- Stanley: What's under the cloth? Wally Amos: We'll get to that. Packer: Cookies. Bet you anything it's cookies. Wally Amos: It's cookies. Let me- let me finish my speech first. Nellie: Ah, we get the gist. It's just success and effort, isn't it? So just, don't be coy, make with the cookies! [everyone goes for the cookies] Erin: Famous, hi. I'm sure you get ideas for new cookies all the time, but I- Wally Amos: Is it oatmeal with no raisins? Erin: I'm sorry to have wasted your time.	Plan: A: Tallahassee; Q: Where does Dwight and his group travel to meet with Nellie Bertram? A: Sabre's special projects; Q: What is Nellie Bertram the President of? A: Catherine Tate; Q: Who plays Nellie Bertram? A: David Koechner; Q: Who plays Todd Packer? A: the same project; Q: What is Todd Packer participating in? A: an emergency appendectomy; Q: What does Dwight have to have done to impress his new boss? A: Andy; Q: Who fills in for Erin? Summary: Dwight and his group journeys to Tallahassee to meet with the President of Sabre's special projects, Nellie Bertram ( Catherine Tate ). The group discovers that Todd Packer ( David Koechner ) is participating in the same project, much to Jim and Dwight's chagrin. Although Dwight tries to impress his new boss, he has an emergency appendectomy . Andy fills in for Erin, and surprisingly enjoys himself.
Trey: I'm your big brother. If I don't teach you this, who will? (He smashes the car window with a crowbar) Ryan: I don't know, Trey. Trey: Quite being a little bitch, get in! Ryan slams the driver side door and runs around the back of the car. Trey: Yeah, let's go! Trey: Get in! Come on, let's go Ryan! Ryan hesitates at the door, but when he sees the cop car back up and when his brother starts to leave, he hops in. Trey. Yeah! You should see your face, man! The cop car chases after them and starts bumping into the back of their car, trying to get them to stop. Ryan: No, no, no, no, no! The car slams into a wall and the cops get out of their cars, walking towards them. Police: Hands up! Get them up! On the dash where I can see em. Let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan being walked to the visiting room. He's handcuffed. A man sits at the table, doing paperwork when Ryan gets there. Sandy: Ryan. Sandy Cohen. The court's appointed me your public defender. Ryan sits down. Sandy: You could do worse. You okay? They treating you all right? Ryan: Where's my brother? Sandy: Uh, Trey is over 18. Trey stole a car; Trey had a gun in his pants, an ounce of pot in his pocket, a couple of priors. I'm guessing right now, Trey's looking at three to five years. But Trey's not my concern. This is your first time in lockup. I'm assuming you don't plan on coming back. Your grades...are not great. Suspended twice for fighting, truancy three times...(hopeful) your test scores, 98 percentile on your SAT I? Ryan, 98 percentile, if you start going to class, are you thinking about college? Ryan snorts. Sandy: Have you given any thought at all to your future? Dude. I'm on your side. Come on, help me out here. Ryan: Modern medicine is advancing to the point where the average human life span will be 100. But I read this article which said Social Security is supposed to run out by the year 2025, which means people are going to have to stay at their jobs until they're 80. So I don't want to commit to anything too soon. Sandy: (chuckles) Look, I can plead this down to a misdemeanor. Petty fine, probation. But know this; stealing a car 'cause your big brother told you to, it's stupid, and it's weak, and those are two things you can't afford to be anymore. Ryan: Two more things. Sandy: Do you want to change that? Then you have to get over the fact that life dealt you a bad hand. I get it. We're cut from the same deck, Ryan. I grew up, no money, bad part of the Bronx. My father was gone; my mother worked all the time. I was pissed off. I was stupid. Ryan: And look at you now. Sandy: Smart kid like you. You got to have a plan. Some kind of a dream. Ryan: Yeah, right. Let me tell you something, okay? Where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true...that does. Cut to Sandy and Ryan standing outside the jailhouse. Sandy: My office will contact you to remind you of the date for your hearing. Ryan: I'll remember. A car comes screeching to a halt in front of Ryan and a woman gets out. Dawn (Ryan's mom): Unbelievable! What kind of family I got, huh? What the hell did I do to deserve this family? You want to tell me that? Sandy: Mrs. Atwood? I'm Sandy Cohen. I'm Ryan's attorney. Dawn: You should've let him rot in there. Just like his dad's doing. Just like his brother's gonna. Let's go Ryan. Now, Ryan! Sandy: I'm going to give you my card. My home number. If you need somebody, if things get to be too much, call me. Dawn: Let's go! Ryan: (To his mom) All right! [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan's mom in the kitchen of their home. Dawn: I can't do this anymore, Ryan. I can't. Ryan: I'm sorry, Mom. Dawn: I want you out of my house. I want you out! Ryan: (desperate) But Mom...where am I going to go? A.J.: You heard your mother, man. Get your stuff and get out. Ryan: Hey, this isn't your house, man. A.J: Oh, you're a tough guy now? Dawn: A.J., don't. Ryan, just get out. Ryan: Why don't you worry about your own kids, A.J? Instead of freeloading off my mom? A.J. punches Ryan. Dawn: Hey! Ryan goes to punch A.J., but A.J. hits in again. Dawn: Hey! A.J. pushes Ryan to his room, where he packs his bags and leaves on his bike. He tries calling several people, but no one can take him in. He grabs Sandy's card and calls him. As Ryan waits, Sandy pulls up in his car. Sandy: Told you. You could do worse. Ryan gets in the car and they leave. Ryan: This is a nice car. I didn't know your kind of lawyer made money. Sandy: No, we don't. My wife does. They pull into the driveway and both get out to leave. Sandy: Um, you know, why don't you wait here for a minute? I'll be back. Sandy grabs the keys and hesitates, realizing what he did. Ryan: It's no fun if the key's in the car. Sandy puts the key back into the ignition and exits the car. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Sandy and his wife in the kitchen, talking. Kirsten: You brought him home? This is not a stray puppy, Sandy. Sandy: I know that, Kirsten. Kirsten: I knew it was only a matter of time before you started bringing home felons. Sandy: Ryan's not a felon. Kirsten: Did you not meet him in jail? Sandy: Yes, technically, but it wasn't for a felony. I mean, it was, but it won't be when I'm done. Kirsten: You're endangering our home. Did you even think of Seth? Sandy: It's only for the weekend. Just till Child Services opens on Monday... Kirsten: What if this is all a scam? What if he's just using you to case the house? Sandy: He's not a criminal mastermind. He's a kid who has no one and nowhere to go. When did you become so cynical? Kirsten: When did you become so self-righteous? Sandy: I've always been self-righteous. You used to find it charming. Kirsten: (walking away) He sleeps in the pool house. Sandy: Where are you going? Kirsten: (dry sarcasm) To put my jewelry in the vault...where do you think I'm going? The boy's going to need fresh sheets and towels and a toothbrush. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan walking down the driveway, sticking a cigarette in his mouth. We see a girl also standing outside and she notices Ryan. Marissa: Who are you? Ryan: Whoever you want me to be. Marissa: Okay...Hey, can I bum a cigarette? He walks over to her, hands her a cigarette, and she lights it using his. Marissa: So, what are you doing here, seriously? Ryan: Seriously? (truthfully) I stole a car. Crashed it. Actually, my brother did. Since he had a gun and drugs on him, he's in jail. I got out, and my mom threw me out. She was pissed off and drunk. So Mr. Cohen took me in. Marissa: You're their cousin from Boston, right? Ryan: Right... Sandy: (walking towards them) Hi, Marissa. Marissa: (drops cigarette) Hey, Mr. Cohen. I was just meeting your nephew. Sandy: Oh. My favorite nephew. Ryan. All the way from Seattle. Marissa: Seattle? Ryan: Dad lives there. Mom lives in Boston. Marissa: Hmm. Sandy: So we're all really excited about your fashion show fund-raiser for tomorrow night. Marissa: Really? You are? Sandy: ...No. She laughs and they watch as a black truck pulls up in front of them. Luke: (to Marissa) Come on, let's go. Marissa: (to Ryan) Hey, you should come by, check it out...if you don't have other plans. See you. Sandy: Good night. She climbs into the truck and kisses her boyfriend quickly before they leave. Sandy: Let's go inside. Uh, there's no smoking in this house. Ryan drops the cigarette onto the pavement, and after Sandy steps on it to put it out, they head inside. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to inside. Sandy: So, this is where you'll be staying, and this is the queen of the manor herself, my wife Kirsten. Kirsten: Hello Ryan. Welcome to our home. If you need anything, Rosie here can help you. Ryan: Thank you. Thanks very much. Sandy: We'll see you in the morning. Make yourself comfortable. Sandy, Kirsten, and Rosie exit, leaving Ryan alone in the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan walks out of the beach house, taking in the scenery. Morning. He walks back in and notices a young man, Seth, sitting on the floor, playing playstation. Seth: Hey. Ryan: Hey. Seth: Do you want to play? Ryan just shrugs. Cut to Seth and Ryan playing the game together. Seth: Oh, looks like someone's trying to be a hero, but he got a little cocky. X O X O. It's an unbeatable combination. Oh! Oh! Oh...! What happened to your head, dude? Where did it go? I'm sorry. Did someone die? Oh, hey, do you want to play Grand Theft Auto? It's pretty cool. You can, like, steal cars and...not that that's cool...or uncool. I don't know. Um... Sandy: I see you two have met. Seth, what are you doing inside on this beautiful day? Why don't you show Ryan around? Seth: (sarcastically) Okay, 'cause it's so great around here. There's so much to do, dad. (Turns to Ryan) I don't know, unless, what do you want to do? Ryan: What do you guys do around here? Cut to Ryan and Seth sailing on Seth's boat. After fixing everything, they relax and start talking. Seth: I have...this plan. Well, I don't-I don't know what you'd think but, next July, the trade winds shift west and I want to sail to Tahiti. I can do it in 44 days. Maybe even 42. Ryan: Wow. That...that sounds really cool, man. Seth: Yeah. Just hit the high seas and catch fish right off the side of the boat. Grill them right there. Just total quiet. Solitude. Ryan: You won't get lonely? Seth: Well, I'll have Summer with me. Ryan: You're going to take this to Tahiti. Seth: (chuckles) Um...no. It's the girl the boat's named after. Ryan: She must be pretty stoked. Seth: Yeah, she has no idea. I've never talked to her before. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan and Seth fixing up the boat on shore. Sandy: Hey, fellas. I thought we'd head over to the fashion show at about seven. Seth: Yeah, have fun. Sandy: Come on. It's a whole new school year, Seth. Seth: It's also the same kids, Dad. Why do they even need a fashion show? Every day's a fashion show for these people. Sandy: Yeah, well, Ryan has to go. Marissa invited him. Seth: (to Ryan) Marissa invited you? I've lived next door to Marissa since, like, forever. Her dad almost got married to my mom even and, like, she's never even invited me to a birthday. Sandy: That is not true. They did not almost get married. Seth: Eh. Ryan: Hey, maybe Summer would be there. Seth: That's interesting. She is Marissa's best friend. 7:00? Sandy: 7:00 Ryan: 7:00 [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Marissa stepping out onto a balcony, watching the three guys walk back to their house. The doorbell rings and she answers it, two men in suits standing there. Man: Hello, again. Marissa: My dad's not here. Man: And when can we expect him? Marissa: I don't know. Man: Mm hmm. Well, then, when you see your father, please remind him again how much we'd like to talk. Let me leave you another one of my cards. Have a good day. He hands her a card and the two men leave. She inspects the card as she walks into her father's office, handing it to him. Jimmy: Hey. Thanks, kiddo. I just didn't have time to deal with those guys right now. Marissa: Who are they? Jimmy: Suits. Bureaucrats. "The Man." Marissa: But, I mean, everything's okay right? Jimmy: Yeah, it's just a...just a thing with a...with a client. Nothing for you to worry about, okay? She smiles slightly and turns to leave. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan standing in front of a mirror, having trouble with his tie. Sandy taps on the glass door and walks in. Sandy: Wow, look at that. Fits you beautifully. Where's your tie? Ryan: I'm not going to wear one. Open collar. It's a good look. Sandy: I didn't know how to tie a tie till I was 25. Come on. Give me your tie. Ryan turns around and hands Sandy the tie. Sandy: Button your top button. All right, collar up. Now, the skinny side has got to be shorter than the fat side. How much shorter, it changes tie to tie. Sometimes, it's just a mystery. All right. So you got to hang out with Seth. How was that? Was that...? Was that all right? He's an interesting kid if you get to know him. Ryan: He's cool. Sandy: Cool, huh? All right. There we go. (He finished fixing the tie) Turn around. Look at you. Huh? (Pats him on the shoulders) Beats a jumpsuit. Ryan smiles and Sandy leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Marissa's mother, Julie, and little sister standing in front of a mirror. Caitlin: Oh, Mom, do you like my nails? Julie: Oh, I love them, Caitlin. Do you like my hair this straight or is it too Avril Lavigne? Marissa: No, it looks good mom. Julie: Oh, Marissa, you look...Oh honey, I thought you were going to wear your hair down. Pulled back like that, it's a little harsh on your angles. Marissa :Okay. Let's go! Julie: It's going to be so amazing tonight. Are you going to wear the Donna Karan tonight, Mariss? I thought it was very forgiving. Jimmy: You look beautiful, Kiddo. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan walking out of a house. Waiter: Mushroom, leek crescent? Crab and brie phyllo? The waiter walks away and Seth steps up behind Ryan. Seth: (sarcastically) Welcome to the dark side. We watch as several woman flirt with Ryan. First woman: Oh! So, you must be the cousin from Boston, hmm? I don't know how you do it. I could just never live there. I hate the cold. (chuckles) Second woman: Do you...like Seattle? I mean, all that rain, isn't it depressing? Third woman: Did I hear you were from Canada? Ryan: Yes, you did. Cut to Ryan walking over to the bar. Ryan: Hi. Can I get a Seven and Seven? Thanks. The bartender gives him the drink and he takes a sip. He turns around to sees Kirsten standing there. He hands the drink over to her. Kirsten: Thank you. I want my husband to be right about you. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Seth standing alone and Luke saying hey to his friends. Seth: Hey, Luke. What's up? Luke: Hey! Yeah. Suck it, queer. Luke starts to walk away but bumps into Ryan. Seth: My vacation was great, too. Thank you for asking about it. Cut to Marissa talking with Summer. Seth: Summer's right over there. Look. I'm sorry. Wait. Don't look don't look. But I mean you can look, but don't look like you're looking. (Sandy walks up) Hey dad. Sandy: Hey guys. Cut back to Marissa with Summer and a couple of her other friends. Summer: Who is that? Marissa: Um, the cousin, the pool boy? (laughs) I don't know. Summer: Well, I'm going to find out. Cut back to Ryan, Seth, and Sandy. Sandy: Is that Summer? Seth: You know, um, I'm going to, uh, sit. (walks away) Ryan: Way to salt his game, Mr. Cohen. We see Ryan and Seth walk over to the kiddie table. Seth: Hello, Chester. Are these seats taken? Okay. They sit. Seth: So, Chester, are you looking forward to your next sailing lesson? You're making some really good strides. (pause) Okay, I'm glad we had this little chance to catch up, you know? Marissa: (talking into microphone) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all so much for coming. Every year, we put on a fashion show to raise money for the battered women shelter. It's such a good cause, you guys, and we couldn't do any of it without your support and the support of Fashion Island and all their great stores. All right, enjoy the show! Marissa walks off stage just as Summer comes out, walking down the runway. Seth: She's got Tahiti written all over her. (moans) Cut to backstage, where all the girls are getting ready. We see a woman and her daughter walk up to the costume designer. Woman: What are you doing, putting my daughter in Calvin Klein? She was supposed to wear Vera Wang. Costume designer: And she would if she had the chest to hold it up. It's called puberty, honey. It'll happen. Okay, girls, chop chop. Show time. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Marissa fixing her makeup in the bathroom. A woman comes in and tells Marissa she's next. A second later, Summer comes in with 2 glasses of champagne. Summer: Look what I stole. Marissa: (holds up bottle of liquor) Look what I stole. Summer: (gasp) All right! Here. Marissa: Thanks. They clink glasses and take a sip. Cut to Marissa on the runway. She stops at the end and poses, smiling at Ryan. She walks back up the runway and we see her boyfriend staring at Ryan. Kirsten: She's so beautiful, you guys. Sandy: Coop, I think you spent more on that dress than I make in a year. Man: That's why we trust him with our money. I expect to die a very rich man, Jimmy. Sandy: Well, you're bound to be half right. Jimmy begins to look uncomfortable. Kirsten: You okay, Jimmy? Jimmy: Yeah. It's just uh, just...it's a little stuffy in here. I'm going to get some fresh air, okay? (gets up and leaves) Julie: Marissa wanted to wear these Prada Mary Janes, but I told her she had to wear the stiletto Manolos. Cut to a shot of Ryan in the bathroom. Jimmy comes in and walks into a stall, clumsily shutting the door behind him. He sits down and starts sobbing. [SCENE_BREAK] We see Ryan leaving the party and Summer walking up to him. Summer: Hey. Where you going? My friend, Holly...well, her parents are letting use their beach house as a gift, you know, 'cause of all our hard work for charity. If you need a ride...or...anything. I'm Summer. She walks away with her friends and Ryan walks over to Seth. Seth: Hey, you ready to go? Ryan: Yeah. We should, uh, go to that party at that girl Holly's place. Seth: Uh, yeah, no, that's all right. Ryan: Summer...invited me. Seth: Really? She did? Ryan: Us. She asked for you, actually. Seth: Really? She did? Summer: (from the Jeep) Come on! Seth: That makes absolutely no sense, but, yes, we should go. (He turns to the people he was talking to before) We're going to go with them. Thanks, guys. They walk to the jeep and get in. Ryan watches as Marissa gets into her boyfriend's truck. Seth: If it sucks, we can always bail... The jeep starts moving and they leave. [SCENE_BREAK] The jeep pulls up and we see scenes from inside the party. Ryan walks in with Seth close behind. Ryan: Welcome to the dark side. We see some kid using drugs close by. Seth: Oh, hey...cocaine. That's awesome. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Marissa and Summer talking in the kitchen with a friend. Summer: (huffs) Is that a new purse? Marissa: Yeah. Girl: So cute. Summer: Does you dad ever say no? The girls notice Ryan walk by. Summer: Hey...look who I brought. Girl: He's cute. We see Marissa subtly add more champagne into her drink. Summer: I'm going to play him hot and cold. Ryan notices Marissa. Summer: You want to pee? I got to pee. They all leave and we see Luke standing next to a girl. Girl: Isn't it, like, so beautiful? The sand, the water... Luke: Yeah. Hey, you want to go check it out? Girl: But...what about Marissa? Luke: Hmm? Oh, no worries. They walk out together and Ryan notices them together. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Kirsten emptying the garbage and Jimmy walking his dog. Kirsten: Hey, Jimmy. Jimmy: Hey. Kirsten: (to the dog) Hey Dusty. Jimmy: Dusty, look who's here. Kirsten: Are you really okay? Jimmy: Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Kirsten: 'Cause you know, you can always... Jimmy: No, you know, I've just been working really hard. So, who was that...that kid that...that you brought tonight? You have a cousin from Boston? Kirsten: One of Sandy's clients. He...brought him home for the weekend. Jimmy: Uh huh. Julie: Jimmy? Honey, did you get my fro yo? Jimmy: (sighs) No. I forgot. (She looks expectantly at him) All right. I'll go back. Julie: Pistachio. Thanks, sweetie. Hi Kirsten. Kirsten waves and Jimmy's wife goes back inside. Jimmy and Kirsten start laughing. Jimmy: You ever think this would be our lives? Kirsten: Is Marissa back yet? Jimmy: Oh, well, she usually stays out pretty late. Kirsten: Seth never goes out. Jimmy: Hmm, don't worry. Sure they're not doing anything we didn't do. Kirsten: Oh, that's comforting. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut back to the party. We see people dancing and Seth opens the door to the bathroom. A guy and two girls are in the bathtub and Seth turns to leave. Seth: Wow, I'm sorry. I should...really learn to knock incase there's a threesome going on in the bathroom. (He closes the door.) Cut to outside, where Seth's getting a beer. Guy: First keg! Everybody get naked! (laughing) Cut to Ryan standing alone. Marissa: Hey. Ryan: Hey. Marissa: So, what do you think of Newport? Ryan: I think I can get in less trouble where I'm from. Girl: Hey Coop! It's your turn to deal. (Waves cards) Marissa: (to Ryan) You have no idea. (She walks away) Cut back to Seth, sitting next to the keg. Seth: I fixed the keg. Fine, more for me. Cut to Ryan, walking around aimlessly. Summer sees him and walks over to him. Summer: Look...who I found. She spills her drink on him and starts wiping it off. Summer: (laughing) Oops. I'm wasted. (She starts hanging onto him) So, what's your name anyway? Ryan: Ryan. Seth: Ryan, you got to come um...what are you doing? Ryan: (He tries to push Summer away) Hey um... Summer: Excuse me? Seth: What are you doing? I named my boat after her. Summer: (laughs) What? Eww...who are you? Ryan: It's not what you think. She's a little bit drunk, okay? Summer: Come on, Ryan. Seth pushes him and starts to walk away, Ryan going after him. Ryan: Seth...Seth Seth! Marissa stands in the doorway and watches as Seth pushes Ryan into a door. Seth: Don't touch me! You know what? Why don't you go back to Chino? I'm sure there's a really nice car in the parking lot that you could steal. Seth walks off towards the beach. Summer: Chino? Eww. Ryan hurries back into the party and notices people whispering and staring at him. [SCENE_BREAK] We watch as Seth walks out onto the beach and starts throwing small pieces of wood into the fire. Two guys walk over and start pushing him around. First guy: Go home, geek. Second guy: Who invited you? Ryan, who is standing near the house, notices the guys shoving Seth around and heads over to help. Seth: You guys really wouldn't hurt me, because that would be so clichéd. (They pick him up) I guess you're fans of the cliché. Guy: Shut up. Ryan: Hey hey! Put him down! Put him down. Seth: (being held upside down) Hey Ryan. What's up? Ryan: Put him down. Luke: Hey, what's up, dude? You got a problem? Ryan: You tell me. Luke steps closer to Ryan and pushes him. Ryan instantly punches him and Luke falls to the ground. He gets back up and shoves Ryan to the ground, and they start fighting. After one of the other guys joins in, Seth pulls him away and the guy punches him, Seth also falling to the ground. Luke's friend pulls Ryan away and Luke kicks him. Luke: Welcome to the O.C., bitch. This is how it's done in Orange County. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan and Seth walking into his house, both bruised. They're both quiet as they sit down on the couches. Seth: Well, I...I don't know what to say...except that you totally had my back out there. We're, like, in a fight club or something. I don't know. You know what I think? Ryan, I think that if you were to teach me some moves, I think that we could totally take em next time. That's what I think. Give them some of that (kicks), you know what I'm saying? And a little bit of that and that (kicks twice). What do you think about that? (They clasp hands) Yeah. Oh also, that wasn't exactly the way that I first planned to talk to Summer, but I am now on her radar. Do you think I should tell her about Tahiti? Do you? Ryan: Not yet. Seth: That's what I thought. That's what I was thinking. I wanted to make sure, we were on the same page. Ryan smiles and Seth fixes the couch pillows to sleep on. Seth: Quite a little night we had there. I'm not going to forget it. Ryan, I'm not going to forget that one. Seth falls asleep instantly and Ryan stares at him a second before going outside. He hears car doors and looks over the balcony to see Summer and another girl carrying Marissa to her house. Summer: (giggling) I can't believe her. Girl: I swear to God, she is so retarded sometimes. Summer: Shouldn't her boyfriend be doing this? Girl: He's so worthless. They fall to the ground and start laughing. Girl: (whispering) Coop, where are your keys? Summer: How are we going to find her keys? (She grabs Marissa's purse and starts digging through it) I can't find her keys. Girl: We can't wake her parents. Her dad'll go ballistic. Summer: I know, I know. Summer throws the purse aside and stands up. Summer: Bye, Coop. Call us. The girls leave Marissa lying on the cement and Ryan, having seen everything, goes to where she is. Ryan: (whispering) Hey. (He grabs her purse.) Get your keys. He looks in her purse, but can't find the keys, so he carries her inside Seth's house and lays her down on the bed. He hovers over her for a second before covering her with a blanket and staring at her. [SCENE_BREAK] We see both Seth and Ryan are asleep on two different couches. Morning. Ryan wakes up to see that Marissa is no longer sleeping in the bed he'd set her in the night before. Seth's mom walks into the room. Kirsten: Thank God. Seth waves slightly. Kirsten: What happened to your face? Seth: Mm. I got into a fight. Kirsten: With who? Why? Seth: I don't really know. I don't really remember. Um...I was really drunk. Yeah, I think I still am a little bit. Kirsten: Let's go. House. Now. (She drags him off the couch and to the door.) Seth: Later! Cut to Sandy taking a surfboard from his jeep. Sandy: Oh, honey, you should have seen the waves coming in. Six foot, and it was going off. Kirsten: Seth got into a fight. Sandy: He did? Kirsten: This is what happens when you let someone like this into our house. When we let out son hang out with criminals. Sandy: Well, at least he has someone to hang out with. Don't salt his game, honey. Kirsten: What the hell does that mean? Sandy: I-I...It...I don't know. I just know that I'd rather have Seth hanging out with Ryan than some trust fund kid from around here who only cares about getting a new Beemer every year. There's a whole world outside this Newport Beach bubble. Kirsten: You don't seem to mind living in this bubble. Sandy: I know there's something else out there. You remember when we were 22? What'd you say? You said you'd never be like your parents. You'd never have their life. Kirsten: I was 22. I stank of patchouli and I lived in the back of a mail truck. Sandy: And you were fun. And rebellious, and...and...you married me. Kirsten: I can't. I'm sorry. I don't want this kid in my house anymore. (She walks back towards the house.) Sandy: Where is he supposed to go? Kirsten: He has a family, Sandy. It's not up to you to decide whether or not they're good enough. Cut to Kirsten walking into the kitchen, where Ryan is standing by the window, looking out. Kirsten: Look, Ryan, I don't mean to play bad cop. It's nothing personal...(Ryan walks over to the stove) is that bacon? Ryan: I usually make breakfast at my house. My mom's not much of a cook, so... Kirsten: I'm sorry. You seem like a really nice kid. Ryan: It's okay. I get it. (He walks over to get his things) You have a really nice family. We see Ryan leave the kitchen and walk into Seth's bedroom, where Seth is in bed, asleep. Ryan: (knocks on wall) Hey, man. Seth: (turns over) Hey. Ryan: Hi. So...I gotta jet. Seth: You're leaving? So...hmm...so, what's up? Ryan: I got to go back. Try to figure some stuff out back home. Seth: Okay Well...cool. Or...not cool, but, you know...what I think I mean. Ryan holds out his hand. Seth: Come here. (Pulls Ryan into hug) I'll come down to Chino. You know, I'll visit you and you can show me your world. Or your hood or... (laughs) Ryan: All right. (He turns to leave, but Seth stops him.) Seth: Wait a second. Just wait one second. Hmm. (He walks over to his desk, grabs a map, and hands it to Ryan. We see that it's a map of the Pacific Ocean.) Maybe there's some place you want to go. It's pretty good for ideas. Ryan thinks for a second and then slaps Seth in the face with the map. Seth: Ah! Ryan chuckles softly and leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Ryan and Sandy in the car. They back out of the driveway and we see Marissa waiting in her own driveway. She watches as they drive past her and Ryan turns back to watch her as he leaves. Luke pulls up to pick up Marissa and Ryan turns back around in his seat. Soon after, Sandy pulls up in front of Ryan's house. Ryan: So, thanks. For everything. Sandy: (Reassuringly) I'm going to make sure everything works out, Ryan. They get his bike out of the trunk and Ryan starts walking up the walkway. Ryan: It's okay. I can take it from here. He sets his bike on the porch and unlocks the door. He walks in to find all the furniture is gone and there's only just a note left on the counter. Sandy walks into the house and sees that no one else is there. Sandy: Come on. Let's go. Ryan grabs his bag and they leave the house together.	Plan: A: his mother; Q: Who kicks Ryan out of his home? A: Sandy Cohen; Q: Who is Ryan's attorney? A: the dismay; Q: What did Kirsten feel when Sandy Cohen brought Ryan home? A: Kirsten; Q: Who is Sandy Cohen's wife? A: Newport; Q: Where is Ryan's son from? A: trouble; Q: What does Ryan meet with Seth and other teenagers that makes Kirsten think twice about letting Ryan stay in their home? Summary: Just after Ryan escapes jail time and is kicked out by his mother, his attorney, Sandy Cohen, brings him home, to the dismay of his wife, Kirsten. Ryan meets their son, Seth, and other Newport teenagers who lead him to trouble, making Kirsten think again about letting Ryan stay in their home.
PLANET OF THE SPIDERS BY: ROBERT SLOMAN PART SIX 5:35pm - 6:00pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (K'ANPO Rinponche, the abbot of the lamasery, sits in an armchair, his hands folded deep in mediation. His room is comfortably furnished in a mixture of styles - classical English furniture for the most part but with Tibetan hangings on the walls in the place of the usually expected paintings, country prints and their like. The abbot is an elderly man with a white beard. Like CHO-JE, he is dressed in brown and red Tibetan robes. He seems oblivious to the events taking place in the building around him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE ABBOT'S ROOM (TOMMY leads the DOCTOR and SARAH round a corner and to the door to the abbot's room.) SARAH: Doctor! Doctor, the crystal! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, Sarah - all in good time. (TOMMY knocks on the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (Inside, the abbot opens his eyes and gives an order in a voice that is as gentle as his face.) K'ANPO: Come in. (The three enter and the DOCTOR shuts the door behind them.) TOMMY: This is the Doctor, K'anpo. K'ANPO: I know. You are welcome. TOMMY: My friend, Sarah Jane Smith. K'ANPO: It is kind of you to come and visit an old man. (The DOCTOR steps forward, places his palms together and bows. He then speaks several words of Tibetan.) K'ANPO: You speak Tibetan? DOCTOR: A little, sir, yes. SARAH: (Smiling.) What did you just say? DOCTOR: I apologised to the Rinpoche for not bringing him a cotton scarf. K'ANPO: (To SARAH.) You friend knows not only our language, but also our customs. The ceremonial gift merely symbolises friendship. (To the DOCTOR.) We have no need for symbols - you and I. (The DOCTOR frowns at the meaningful way in which the abbot says this. TOMMY goes to the door.) TOMMY: I...I think I'd better keep a watch outside. If...if the others get out of the cellar...? K'ANPO: As yet they haven't managed it. They may soon though. Thank you, Tommy. (TOMMY goes out and shuts the door. K'ANPO looks at his visitors.) K'ANPO: Pray be seated. DOCTOR: Thank you, sir. (The DOCTOR and SARAH each sit on a couple of low stools. The effect is to place the DOCTOR at the feet of the old man.) K'ANPO: Now, Doctor, you have a story to tell me. DOCTOR: Yes, well, I have a strange feeling that you already know most of it. Erm, you see, I...I found a crystal, a blue crystal... (K'ANPO looks at him with twinkling eyes.) K'ANPO: Found? DOCTOR: (Uncomfortably.) Well, perhaps, "stole" might be a better word. (He looks at the old man.) DOCTOR: Forgive me, have we met before? K'ANPO: The recognition of friends is not always easy. (The DOCTOR frowns again but the abbot carries on...) K'ANPO: Tell me about this crystal you... "stole". DOCTOR: Yes, well it didn't occur to me that I had stolen it - at the time. You see... [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE CELLAR (BARNES and the others have made their escape and they stand in the passageway above the cellar. KEAVER carries a crowbar with which, presumably, they used to effect their escape.) BARNES: We must separate. We must search - he can't have gone far. MOSS: (Panicked.) No, no, I don't want anything more to do with this! I'm going! (He only manages a few steps down the passageway before he is brought up short by the reverberating sound of the SPIDER'S torture in his head. He gasps as he hears the spindly female voice in his head...) MOSS' SPIDER: (OOV.) You will stay. You will do as I wish. You will obey me! MOSS: (Gasping.) Yes...yes...anything...stop it! Stop it! (The sound dies away. MOSS staggers on his feet while a look of relief crosses his face.) KEAVER: (To BARNES.) What are we supposed to do? (Before BARNES can answer, LAND'S eyes shut and he starts to intone...) LAND: I can see...I can see a blue crystal. LAND'S SPIDER: (OOV.) Yes, we must find the crystal at any cost. Concentrate - all concentrate. (The other three men close their eyes and do as instructed.) KEAVER: I...I can see it too. (His eyes closed, MOSS turns and faces in one direction.) MOSS: It...it's that way. MOSS' SPIDER: (OOV.) Yes! Yes, we can feel the vibrations! It is near! BARNES: Come on then! (He leads the way at speed in the direction indicated.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (The DOCTOR finishes his story. SARAH has vacated her stool and stands with her back to the two men. Although listening, her face has a strange other-worldly look.) DOCTOR: So you see, the crystal was even more important than I thought. They want it very badly. K'ANPO: Then perhaps they should have it. DOCTOR: No, sir, never. Once they get a hold of that crystal, nothing can stop them taking over the Earth. (SARAH turns at this statement and speaks, but in a tone more controlled than usual.) SARAH: Or even the universe itself. (The DOCTOR doesn't seem to notice the difference...) DOCTOR: Or even the universe itself. (To himself.) I wish I knew where that crystal was at this moment. (K'ANPO raises his right hand from under his robes. In the palm of his hand lies the crystal. His eyes smile down at the DOCTOR.) K'ANPO: Tommy brought it to me. It was the crystal which cured him. (SARAH looks down at the crystal as if mesmerised as the DOCTOR stands up.) DOCTOR: Thank heavens it's safe. SARAH: Give it to me! (The DOCTOR looks at his companion. The gravity of the tone in his voice shows that he has at last realised that something is very wrong.) DOCTOR: Sarah, what's the matter with you? SARAH: Give... (Suddenly, SARAH'S voice becomes that of her possessor - the QUEEN SPIDER.) QUEEN SPIDER: (OOV.) ...me the crystal! I must have it! I must! Give it to me! DOCTOR: Sarah, what's come over you?! (SARAH raises her left hand and she shoots a bolt of blue energy at the DOCTOR. He clutches his chest and falls to the floor. SARAH makes a move towards the old abbot but he raises a Canute-like hand.) K'ANPO: Stay! (The old man's power seems to hold back the QUEEN SPIDER and her stolen body stands still. The gasping DOCTOR looks up from the floor.) DOCTOR: Sarah, what has the Queen Spider done to you? What has she done?! (SARAH looks at them, unmoving and uncomprehendingly.) K'ANPO: It's no use. See through my eyes - look! (K'ANPO takes the DOCTOR'S hands in his own and they concentrate. The QUEEN SPIDER suddenly appears clinging onto SARAH'S back. The DOCTOR is appalled.) DOCTOR: Good grief! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE ABBOT'S ROOM (BARNES and the others come running round the corner and see TOMMY standing guard outside the abbot's door. They line up opposite him and hear one of the SPIDERS speaking in their minds.) SPIDER: (OOV.) The crystal is in that room! (BARNES walks up to the handyman.) BARNES: Get out of the way. (TOMMY gently but firmly shakes his head.) TOMMY: You can't go in there. (The two men stare each other out. BARNES walks backwards to his compatriots. TOMMY and BARNES continue to stare each other out.) MOSS: (Urgently.) What are we going to do? We... BARNES: (Interrupts.) Be quiet! (He yells at TOMMY...) BARNES: Stand back you! (...but the burly man stays where he is. BARNES raises a hand and blasts a spark of energy at TOMMY. Again he staggers but doesn't fall.) BARNES: Keaver, Land - get him out of the way! (The two men step forward.) LAND: Come on now, Tommy. (They walk up on either side of the man.) KEAVER: Now! (They jump him but TOMMY easily throws them back. BARNES also jumps TOMMY but his arm is grabbed and twisted behind his back. BARNES yells with pain.) BARNES: No, no! TOMMY: I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes. (TOMMY kicks BARNES away and he falls at the feet of the other possessed men.) BARNES: Kill him! (MOSS fires a bolt of energy, followed by KEAVER, then LAND and BARNES. The four men continue firing, pouring bolt after bolt into TOMMY...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM DOCTOR: Sarah - listen to me! Struggle against the spider, Sarah - fight it! (SARAH'S lips move...) QUEEN SPIDER: (OOV.) I...am...the Queen! K'ANPO: No! You are Sarah Jane Smith! (SARAH manages to speak in her own voice...) SARAH: I...I... K'ANPO: You are free! You don't have to be dominated! Look into your mind and see that you are free! (SARAH'S eyes move, revealing the turmoil within.) DOCTOR: Sarah...look at the crystal. (SARAH struggles to look down at the crystal held in K'ANPO'S hand.) DOCTOR: Look at it! (She manages to focus her eyes on the jewel...) DOCTOR: Look deep into its blue light. (...which is glowing with its bright, iridescent blue light. SARAH'S head starts to turn away but her eyes hold onto the crystal.) QUEEN SPIDER: (OOV.) No...no! I will not! K'ANPO: See that you are free now! QUEEN SPIDER: (OOV.) I...am...the Queen! (The blue light takes a stronger hold.) SARAH: No, I'm free...free... QUEEN SPIDER: (OOV.) The Queen...must live! (Fearfully.) Help me! I shall die! (SARAH'S face screws up in pain and fear.) SARAH: I'm...frightened! DOCTOR: Concentrate, Sarah! Concentrate! (The grasp of the light on SARAH'S mind reaches its climax...) K'ANPO: You...are...free! (...and she throws her head back and cries out - both in her own voice and that of the QUEEN SPIDER who falls from her back. SARAH stumbles towards the DOCTOR who stands up from the floor.) SARAH: (Tearfully.) Doctor...! (She falls into his comforting hug. On the floor, the QUEEN SPIDER'S legs fold in and the arachnid fades away from Earth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE ABBOT'S ROOM (Another two bolts of energy hit TOMMY but the man is unmoved from his guard post.) BARNES: Wait! (The men lower their hands.) BARNES: We're not getting anywhere. FIRST SPIDER: (OOV.) I agree. SECOND SPIDER: (OOV.) And I. THIRD SPIDER: (OOV.) And I. SECOND SPIDER: (OOV.) We need more power. Concentrate! Concentrate! (BARNES signals to his men and they stand in a circle. They hold up their arms and touch the outer tips of their fingers together.) GROUP: Om...Om... Om... (TOMMY watches this development nervously...) GROUP: Om... Om... Om... Om... [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (The DOCTOR helps SARAH to sit on her stool. She is still upset.) SARAH: Oh, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Doctor! I... DOCTOR: (Gently.) What have you got to be sorry about? You did very well. You should be proud of yourself. SARAH: To let that...creature take me over like that. I...I mean I actually volunteered. K'ANPO: (Smiling.) We are all apt to surrender ourselves to domination - even the strongest of us. (The DOCTOR frowns and walks over to the old man.) DOCTOR: Do you mean me? (K'ANPO looks up steadily at him with twinkling eyes.) K'ANPO: Not all spiders sit on the back. SARAH: Well, I don't understand. You're not saying they've taken over the Doctor, are you? DOCTOR: Oh no, Sarah, no. No, he's talking about my greed. SARAH: Greed? You? DOCTOR: Yes, my greed for knowledge, for...information. He's saying that...all this is basically my fault. If I hadn't taken the crystal in the first place... (Suddenly he stops. He swings back round to the old abbot.) DOCTOR: I know who you are now... K'ANPO: (Gleefully.) You were always a little slow on the uptake, my boy! (He holds up a wrinkled hand and the DOCTOR reverently takes it in both of his.) DOCTOR: It's been a long, long time. SARAH: You know each other? (The DOCTOR doesn't take his eyes off the old man.) DOCTOR: Ah, yes. Yes, he was my teacher. My...my guru if you like. (He turns back to the watching journalist.) DOCTOR: In another time, another place. K'ANPO: Another life. SARAH: Oh no! (To K'ANPO.) Don't tell me you're a Time Lord too? K'ANPO: I am. But the discipline they serve was not for me. DOCTOR: No, nor for me. K'ANPO: (To the DOCTOR.) I wouldn't have chosen your alternative. (Roguishly.) To borrow a TARDIS was a little... "naughty", to say the least. (SARAH laughs at this admonition.) DOCTOR: Yes, well, I had to get away. I hadn't your power. K'ANPO: Indeed. I regenerated and came to Earth - to Tibet. SARAH: Regenerated? DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, when a Time Lord's body wears out her regenerates - becomes new. K'ANPO: That is why he can live such a long time. SARAH: I see. Well what about Cho-Je? Is he a Time Lord too? K'ANPO: (Laughs.) In a sense. In another sense, he doesn't exist. SARAH: (Laughs.) You've lost me! DOCTOR: Me too, I'm afraid. K'ANPO: Cho-Je is a projection of my own self! (His mouth opens in a silent laugh.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. LAMASERY. CELLAR (Down in the cellar, CHO-JE has recovered but MIKE has not. CHO-JE grasps his chin and shakes him awake.) CHO-JE: Mr. Yates? Mr. Yates? (MIKE comes to and starts to sit up.) MIKE YATES: Where am I? Oh, that spider... CHO-JE: There's not a moment to lose - come. (He helps MIKE to his feet and pushes up the steps.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE ABBOT'S ROOM (BARNES and the others continue their linked chant...) GROUP: Om...Om...Om...Om... [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. METEBELIS THREE. SPIDER'S BASE. COUNCIL CHAMBER (Across space, the entire council of SPIDERS hum in affiliation with their sisters and their possessed allies on Earth. LUPTON watches in puzzlement and concern. His SPIDER sits on the QUEEN'S podium.) LUPTON: What's going on? LUPTON'S SPIDER: We are sending power to our sisters on Earth. LUPTON: But...what about that crystal? LUPTON'S SPIDER: Be silent! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (K'ANPO sits back in his chair, his eyes closed in concentration as the DOCTOR and SARAH watch.) SARAH: (Quietly.) What's he doing? DOCTOR: Shh! (K'ANPO opens his eyes and looks at the DOCTOR.) K'ANPO: As I thought - the moment approaches. SARAH: What moment? K'ANPO: The moment I have been waiting for - the moment of truth, if you'll forgive a cliché. (To the DOCTOR.) The moment of truth for us both. You know what you have to do? DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) No, I... K'ANPO: I think you do, my son. What is it you most fear? (The DOCTOR'S face drops. He remembers his recent encounter in the cave of the blue crystal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. METEBELIS THREE. CAVE OF THE BLUE CRYSTAL (FLASHBACK) (The DOCTOR gasps with effort and a look akin to terror appears on his face as the voice starts to mock him.) GREAT ONE: (OOV.) Is that fear I can feel in your mind? You are not accustomed to feeling frightened, are you, Doctor? You are very wise to be afraid of me. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (The DOCTOR looks at his teacher, the alarm showing in his quiet words...) DOCTOR: I...is...is there no other way? (K'ANPO looks at him sternly.) K'ANPO: None. (The DOCTOR blinks several times and then looks resolved.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Very well. (He stands and holds out a hand.) DOCTOR: Give me the crystal. (K'ANPO hands it to him. SARAH also gets up, puzzled at this development.) SARAH: W...what are you going to do? DOCTOR: Take the crystal to the Great One. SARAH: (Alarmed.) But you told me that if you went back there the cave of crystal...would destroy you! DOCTOR: Nevertheless, I have to go. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE ABBOT'S ROOM (The four men are still mentally linked.) GROUP: Om...Om...Om...Om... BARNES: Enough. (They break apart and stand in a line facing TOMMY.) BARNES: Now! (They raise their arms in unison at TOMMY who licks his lips nervously. Bolts of energy shoot out again. This time they are too much for the man and he staggers back against the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (The three people inside the room hear the noise. K'ANPO has raised himself from his chair. The DOCTOR is about to rush for the door but he stops and looks back at the abbot.) K'ANPO: Take my hand! Quickly! (The DOCTOR grasps K'ANPO'S hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE ABBOT'S ROOM (TOMMY manages once again to recover and stands upright. MIKE and CHO-JE rush up from a side passage.) MIKE YATES: No! (MIKE stands between the four men and TOMMY, his arms out-stretched in protection. A bolt of energy blasts into him.) TOMMY: Yates! (He falls to the ground. TOMMY rushes to help him...) TOMMY: Mr. Yates! (...and the four men use the diversion to run past him and at the abbot's door. TOMMY tries to stop them but KEAVER pushes him to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (They burst into the room.) SARAH: Doctor! (SARAH and the DOCTOR run back from the door. MOSS sees the crystal in the DOCTOR'S grasp.) MOSS: The crystal - there it is! (Before the four men can do anything, the DOCTOR fades away. BARNES blasts K'ANPO who stands between him and where the DOCTOR stood. The old man gasps and staggers back to his chair, clutching his chest. Once there, he slumps down.) LAND: (To BARNES.) Where's he gone? BARNES: Back to the cellar. KEAVER: Come on! (The four men run out and SARAH runs to help the stricken abbot.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. LAMASERY. CELLAR (Crystal grasped in his hand, the DOCTOR fades into view in the cellar, stood on the abandoned mandala. He looks round sharply, gaining his bearings. He spots the open door of the TARDIS and jumps inside. Almost immediately the dematerialisation sound begins as BARNES and his men run down the stairs. The TARDIS fades away before them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. METEBELIS THREE. SPIDER'S BASE (The TARDIS rematerialises outside the black towers of the SPIDER'S base. The DOCTOR steps out and pulls the door to behind him. He walks off and almost immediately bumps into TUAR and ARAK who grasps his arm in greeting.) ARAK: Welcome, Doctor. DOCTOR: Arak, Tuar. (He grasps the brother's arm also in greeting.) DOCTOR: Your attack was a success then? TUAR: You can see for yourself. ARAK: Thanks to you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Look, I need your help. I want to go into the mountain - into the cave of crystal. TUAR: You will die. DOCTOR: Well nevertheless I have to go. Will you show me the way? ARAK: There's more than one way into the caves - come. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. LAMASERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE ABBOT'S ROOM (Outside the abbot's room, CHO-JE and TOMMY examine MIKE.) TOMMY: He's dead. CHO-JE: Not quite. Take him to K'anpo Rinpoche. (TOMMY starts to pick MIKE up to carry him into the abbot's room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. METEBELIS THREE. SPIDER'S BASE. COUNCIL CHAMBER (The DOCTOR strides ahead of ARAK, TUAR and some of the other villagers. Turning a corner, he finds himself for the first time in the SPIDER'S council chamber with all of the SPIDERS in their places, including the returned QUEEN on her podium. He turns round sharply but finds ARAK and the others blocking the doorway. Their faces are expressionless and it is obvious that they too are now possessed.) DOCTOR: So, you lied. Your attack failed. QUEEN SPIDER: Did you really believe these creatures could overcome the eight-legs? They have minds as easily controlled as their own sheep. Why have you come back? DOCTOR: To return the crystal. QUEEN SPIDER: You have the crystal?! Here?! DOCTOR: Yes...yes, of course. (He takes the jewel from his pocket and holds it up.) QUEEN SPIDER: (Eagerly.) Give it to me! DOCTOR: No. I shall return the crystal only to the Great One herself. COUNCIL: All praise to the Great One! DOCTOR: Is there any among you would dare take it from me? (LUPTON darts forward.) LUPTON: I would dare! (He reaches out but is stopped by the SPIDER'S reverberating mental force on him.) QUEEN SPIDER: Stop, Lupton! (He struggles against the force, gasping with the effort while the DOCTOR looks on.) LUPTON: (To the SPIDERS.) Why do you stop me? Everything we've planned, everything we've dreamed of is there - in the palm of his hand! QUEEN SPIDER: We dare not take the crystal. The Great One is all seeing. COUNCIL: All praise to the Great One! QUEEN SPIDER: The Great One is all knowing. COUNCIL: All praise to the Great One! QUEEN SPIDER: The Great One is all powerful! COUNCIL: All praise to the Great One! QUEEN SPIDER: You have beaten us, Doctor. It is good that you will die! (With the gentlest of nods at the council, the DOCTOR turns. ARAK, TUAR and the possessed villagers stand in his way but they soon part and let him through. LUPTON watches him go, aghast, and then turns his venom on the council.) LUPTON: (Shouts.) You superstitious fools! QUEEN SPIDER: Be silent, Lupton! LUPTON: (Shouts.) I will not be silent! I've listened to you for too long! To think that I've lost my chance of power through a spider! (The council audibly gasps at this insolence.) LUPTON: (Shouts.) A spider that I would crush underfoot, without a second thought! A spider! (He raises a fist to bring it crashing down on the body of the QUEEN SPIDER but she is quicker and a blast of energy erupts from her and hits him square in the chest. He falls to the ground, dead.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. LAMASERY. ABBOT'S ROOM (MIKE lies on the floor of the abbot's room, cradled in SARAH'S lap and with the gentle and healing hand of K'ANPO on his forehead. His eyes start to flutter open.) K'ANPO: His compassion protected him - just as Tommy's innocence was his shield. (MIKE grins upwards into SARAH'S face.) MIKE YATES: Hello, Sarah Jane. SARAH: Hi. (MIKE slowly sits up.) SARAH: Hey, we thought you'd had it! MIKE YATES: Well not this time. Oh, I feel fine. (He smiles, full of life.) SARAH: Yeah? (TOMMY steals a look at the abbot moves to him in alarm.) TOMMY: K'anpo! (The abbot is slumped back, breathing heavily.) K'ANPO: I'm afraid this old body has had it, Miss Smith... (His eyes close and his head falls back. SARAH looks devastated.) SARAH: No! (Watching this, CHO-JE remains as calm and as gentle as ever.) CHO-JE: Dear friends, please don't...please don't... (Both the body and the words of CHO-JE fade away into nothingness.) SARAH: What's happening? (She and the others look at the dead abbot and sees that his features are changing. Within seconds, his body has metamorphosed and become that of CHO-JE. His eyes are closed and he is muttering.) CHO-JE: Please...don't...please... (He opens his eyes and looks at the three astonished humans.) CHO-JE: Don't concern yourselves. I am not dying - merely regenerating. TOMMY: Cho-Je? (The abbot holds up a hand of admonition.) CHO-JE: No, Tommy - I am K'anpo. (He breaks into a familiar giggle.) CHO-JE: Will you put this in your magazine, Sarah Jane Smith? (SARAH'S face breaks out into a huge smile of delight.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. METEBELIS THREE. CAVE OF THE BLUE CRYSTAL (The DOCTOR has found his way back to the deadly cave of crystal. Walking forward, he is brought to a halt as a familiar mad voice rings out...) GREAT ONE: (OOV.) Stop! Have you brought the crystal to me?! DOCTOR: (Sighs.) Well if I have not, why should I have returned? GREAT ONE: (OOV: Eagerly.) Very well! Very well! Advance! (The DOCTOR walks forward and turns a corner in the cave. He comes before the GREAT ONE. It is a SPIDER, identical to those of the council but huge in size, towering over the DOCTOR and filling the back of the cave. It stands at the top of a long flight of steps and hangs twitching over the puny humanoid below. The DOCTOR is initially stupefied but soon regains his composure.) DOCTOR: I've brought you the crystal. Now why don't you just take it and leave the humans in peace - both here and on Earth? (The GREAT ONE gives a short shriek of insane laughter.) GREAT ONE: (Contemptuously.) You think I care for the puny plans of my subjects? Earth? One paltry planet among millions? (Shouts.) Give me the crystal! I thirst for it! I ache for it! DOCTOR: Well, why is it so important to you? GREAT ONE: You see this web of crystal above my head? (Above the GREAT ONE hangs a lattice of blue jewels. It resembles a glowing upturned mountain with a flat open top - the place waiting for the crystal.) GREAT ONE: It reproduces the pattern of my brain. One perfect crystal and it will be complete. That is the perfect crystal I need! DOCTOR: And then? GREAT ONE: My every thought will resonate within the web, and grow in power until...until...until...! (The enormous SPIDER'S chant dissolves into another mad laugh. The DOCTOR, breathing heavily as his body starts to die under the effect of the crystal in the cave, tries to reason with the insane giant.) DOCTOR: But you've built a positive feedback circuit! You're trying to increase your mental powers to infinity! GREAT ONE: Exactly! I shall be the ruler of the entire univerrrrsssseeee! DOCTOR: Now listen to me...listen. I haven't got much time left. What you're trying to do is impossible. If you complete that circuit, the energy will build up and up until it cannot be contained. You will destroy yourself! GREAT ONE: You waste the little time remaining to you! Even now the cave of crystal is destroying the cells of your body. I will grant you one last favour - you may watch the completion of my triumph before you diiieee! (The crystal is suddenly plucked by invisible forces from the DOCTOR'S hand. He watches helplessly as it floats upwards towards the webbed lattice. Pointed upwards, it easily slots into the socket at the base of the lattice. Triumphant, the GREAT ONE'S voice shrieks across the cave, almost not believing that its ambition has been fulfilled...) GREAT ONE: I...am...com...plete! Now I am...total power! (Shouts.) All praise to the Great One! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Stop! Stop! Don't you see what's happening to you?! GREAT ONE: (Shouts.) All praise to the Great One! All praise to me! Bow down before me, planets! Bow down stars! Bow down o galaxies and worship the Great One! The me! The Great, all-powerful mmmeeee! (Suddenly, a red glow starts to emerge from the centre of the GREAT ONE'S body. The creature gives a cry of pure pain, its legs flailing about.) GREAT ONE: (Shouts.) I huuuurrrtttt! Help mmmeeee! I am burning! My brain is on firrreee! (Looking weak and terrified, the DOCTOR turns and starts to flee from the cave.) GREAT ONE: (Shouts.) Heeeellllppp mmmeeee! (The very cave is starting to shake as the DOCTOR stops momentarily to gain his bearings and then rushes on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. METEBELIS THREE. SPIDER'S BASE. COUNCIL CHAMBER (The death of the GREAT ONE also affects the council. Their intertwined bodies writhing in agony, they moan as they too die. Across the shaking chamber, the villagers eyes suddenly lose their dull look and ARAK puts his hands to his head as he regains control of his mind. ARAK: ... ! TUAR: We're free! ARAK: Are you coming, my brother? (He and the others run from their captivity and back to their farms. Behind them, the death throes of the SPIDERS continue.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. LAMASERY. CELLAR (In the cellar of the monastery on Earth, BARNES and the others are once again quietly chanting around the mandala.) GROUP: Om...Om...Om... (They stop as the SPIDERS materialise on their backs and fall off dead.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. METEBELIS THREE. SPIDER'S BASE (Weakening rapidly, the DOCTOR has made it back to the TARDIS. He takes the key out of his pocket and unlocks the police box. He enters and shuts the door - just as a series of massive explosions from within the mountain that overlooks the SPIDER'S base rip it apart. Soon, a smouldering crater is all that is left...) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (Two of the DOCTOR'S many cloaks hangs on the coat-stand in his silent laboratory. SARAH, dressed in a smart pale green jacket and skirt, takes one of them off the peg, momentarily hugs the garment to her and paces the room. The BRIGADIER enters behind her.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Hello, Miss Smith. (Somewhat startled, SARAH turns and tries to put a brave face on.) SARAH: Oh, hello, Brigadier. I'd...I just thought I'd pop in and...well, to tell you the truth, I don't quite know why I did pop in, actually. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: To see if there was any sign of the old fellow, eh? SARAH: Yes. (She hangs the cloak back up.) SARAH: But there can't be, can there? I mean, he's been gone over three weeks now. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, that's nothing. One time I didn't see him for months. And what's more, when he did turn up, he had a new face - could have been a completely different man. SARAH: No - he knew if he went back there he would destroy himself. We'll never see him again. (The room's silence is suddenly broken by the sound of the TARDIS materialising. SARAH and the BRIGADIER watch as the familiar blue box fades into view in its accustomed place in the corner of the room. They wait and watch as the door slowly opens and an arm in a dark blue smoking jacket and ruffled cuff appears round the edge. SARAH runs forward to greet him, somewhat alarmed.) SARAH: Doctor! (The DOCTOR looks pale and grey. He is barely managing to hold onto the edge of the door and his voice is hardly a whisper.) DOCTOR: Hello, Sarah...I...I got lost in the time vortex...the TARDIS...brought me home... (He takes one step away from the support of the door and promptly collapses face down on the floor of the laboratory.) SARAH: Oh! (She rushes to help him as the BRIGADIER quickly grabs a cushion off a chair. Thy turn him over and place the cushion under his head. The DOCTOR'S skin is almost translucent and it is obvious that his end is near.) SARAH: Oh, Doctor, why did you have to go back? (His eyes barely open, the DOCTOR struggles to speak...) DOCTOR: I had to face my...my fear, Sarah. I had to face my fear. That was...was more important...than just going on living. SARAH: (Tearfully.) Please...don't die. (He manages to turn his head slightly and look at her through half-closed eyes.) DOCTOR: A tear...Sarah Jane? (His hand shakes upwards towards her face.) DOCTOR: No, don't cry. While there's life there's... (His voice tails away into a sigh. His head moves and his hand drops down. He is quite still. SARAH suppresses a sob and closes his eyes. She and the BRIGADIER stare at each other, too stunned to say anything. After what seems an eternity of silence, SARAH becomes aware of something happening in the room. There is a slight sound, like an undercurrent of thoughts and she suddenly sees CHO-JE appear like a ghost, cross-legged and perched on a table on the other side of the room. He is surrounded by an ethereal glow. He smiles down at her and speaks, his voice echoing slightly.) CHO-JE: It's all right. He is not dead. (SARAH stands up, her voice shaking. The BRIGADIER looks on in amazement.) SARAH: Oh no. I don't think I can take much more. CHO-JE: I am sorry to have startled you, my dear. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Won't you introduce me to your friend, Miss Smith? (SARAH desperately tries to collect her thoughts.) SARAH: Oh, erm, yes. This is the Abbot of...no, it's Cho-Je. I mean, it looks like Cho-Je but it is really K'anpo Rinpoche...I think. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Sardonically.) Thank you. That makes everything quite clear. CHO-JE: The Doctor is alive. SARAH: (Tearfully.) You're wrong - he's dead. CHO-JE: All the cells of his body have been devastated by the Metebelis crystals, but you forget - he is a Time Lord. I will give the process a little push and the cells will regenerate. He will become a new man. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Concerned.) Literally? CHO-JE: Of course, he will look quite different. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Not again! CHO-JE: And it will shake up the brain cells a little. You may find his behaviour somewhat...erratic? (A smile of relief starts to appear on SARAH'S face and she moves towards the ghostly figure.) SARAH: Well...when will all this happen? CHO-JE: Well there's no time like the present, is there? (He points his hands at the recumbent figure of the DOCTOR.) CHO-JE: Goodbye. Look after him... (The manifestation fades away. The BRIGADIER moves across the room towards where is was.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Now wait a moment! (SARAH is concentrating on the figure on the floor and she grabs his arm.) SARAH: Look, Brigadier, look! I think it's starting. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, here we go again. (On the floor of the laboratory, the features of DOCTOR change. The grey hair is replaced by dark brown wavy locks. The face is younger, the dying skin now looks healthy and glowing. The slightly hooked nose points upward into the air and the eyelids flutter as the DOCTOR is born anew...)	Plan: A: K'Anpo; Q: Who convinces the Doctor to face his fear and return the crystal to the Great One? A: Barnes; Q: Who is the leader of the men who want to stop the Doctor from returning the crystal? Summary: K'Anpo persuades the Doctor he must face his fear and return the crystal to the Great One.But first they need to get past Barnes and his men.
[Scene: Central Perk. All except Chandler, plus Emma.] Phoebe: Oh hey you guys, I couldn't get a reservation for the night of my birthday, so we have to do dinner Thursday night instead. Joey: Thursday? But that's Halloween. Phoebe: So? Joey: [It's just] So spooky, that's all. Ross: So, so, is Mike coming to dinner? Phoebe: No! It's my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. Uch, I get mad at him, but I think it's a little to soon to show my true colors. Rachel: Pheebs, I would make a reservation for five, because one of us has to stay home and watch Emma. (to Ross:) Which one of us should go to dinner? Phoebe: Oh, Rachel! Ross: Actually, um, I was thinking maybe both of us could go. Phoebe: Oh, yay! Ross: Thanks, I put a lot of extra thoughts on your gift. Phoebe: Alright, okay, so we can all go now. That is fun. Hey, you know what? We all haven't been together the six of us in such a long time. Monica: What are you talking about? We're all together right now. Rachel: Um, Mon, Chandler's not here. Monica: Oh, dear god! Opening Credits [Scene: Tulsa, a conference room. Chandler is chairing a group of eight people.] Chandler: Good morning everyone, it's nice to see our team together for the first time. Now, before we get started, are there any questions? (colleague raises hand) Yes, Ken is it? Ken: That's right. Is it true, that the reason you are here in Tulsa is that you fell asleep in a meeting and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to? Chandler: (laughs) Well, don't believe everything you hear, Ken. (both turning away to files) But yeah, that's true. Alright, let's get started, by take a look at last quarter's figures. (The female next to Chandler starts smoking, towards heRoss:) Ah, Claudia, aren't you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses' ass? Claudia: I'm sorry. Does the smoke bother you? Chandler: No, no, no-no-no. I smoked for years, then I quit. Right now, I can't remember why. (to everyone:) You're not allowed to smoke in this office. Not right? Claudia: Yes, in Oklahoma it's legal to smoke in offices with fifteen people or less. (passing the pack) Would you like one? Chandler: Alright, lo...look. I don't smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it's fine. (everyone lights) So you all smoke then? That's almost rude, that I'm not. Ken: That's not true. If you don't wanna smoke ... Chandler: (loud) Ken, please! No, I can't, I can't smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me. Ken: I'm sorry, but isn't your wife back in New York? Chandler: I always liked you, Ken. (takes a cig) [Scene: The Bings'. Monica in bathrobe, merely covered. Someone's knocking at the door.] Phoebe: (from outside) Trick or treat! (It's obviously Halloween eve, the night of her birthday dinner.) Monica: (opening the door) Hey! Phoebe: Ooh, and treat it is. (Monica's breasts.) Monica: Hmhmm. (ties up) Phoebe: Wow, so glad I changed. Almost weared my ??? outfit that can't contain my breasts. Monica: This is not, what I'm wearing. I'm ovulating and Chandler's gonna be home any minute, so I thought we would try before dinner. Phoebe: Ohh. Oh wait! (Jis) you guys won't be late for my dinner, will you? Monica: Believe me, Chandler and I have not seen each other in over a week. We'll probably be the first ones there. Phoebe: 'kay, see you there. Happy humping! (outside meeting Chandler.) Hey...hey! Oh, wow, somebody smoked out here? Oh my god, don't people know, you're not allowed to smoke in public spaces? Chandler: Actually, in Oklahoma smoking is legal in all commune areas and offices with fewer than fifteen people. Phoebe: You smoked! Chandler: No! I just happened t'do a lot trivia's about smoking in different states. For example, in Hawaii cigarettes are called Leyhallalookoos. Phoebe: (smells at him) Chandler, you stink of cigarettes. Chandler: Uch, do you think, Monica is gonna be able smell it? Phoebe: Are you kidding? The woman has the nose of a bloodhound ... and the breasts of a great goddess. Chandler: Pheebs? Phoebe: (embarrassed) I'm gonna go. (leaves to stairs) Chandler: (getting in) Okay, something to cover the smell ... Oven cleaner! (sprays himself, reads label) Unscented! Monica: (naughty in doorway) Welcome home. I've missed you. join me in the bedroom? Chandler: No thanks, I'm good. Monica: (comes over) O-kay, so you wanna play it that way, do you? Chandler: (shrinks back) Right. You know what? Actually I just get off the plane, so I'm feeling kinda gross. Maybe I should just take a shower. Monica: You don't need a shower. Chandler: (still backs away) Alright, the truth is, I soiled myself during some turbulence's. Monica: What do I smell? (sniffs him) I smell smoke. Huh--did you smoke? Chandler: Yes, but I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two pack...a...a carton. Three big fat cartons in two days. (How many cigs are there in one pack and how many packs in one carton in the US?) But it's over, I made a decision, I'm not gonna smoke anymore. Monica: (gets a pack out of his jacket) Chandler: But, those are for you. [Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Ross phones, Rachel and Emma are there.] Ross: Alright, we'll just, uh, see when you get here. Bye. (hangs up) Huh, that was my mom, she's stuck in terrible traffic. Rachel: Okay, well that's now the third sign that I should not leave Emma. Ross: Oh, what were the other two? Rachel: Well, let's see. The first one is: I don't want to. And, you know, I'm not going. Ross: I know, it's the first time, we're leaving the baby and ... hey, I know how hard it is for you, but ... but Emma is gonna be fine. My mom is gonna be with her. She's great with kids. Rachel: She is? Ross: Ya. Rachel: What about (?) Monica. Ross: Hey, you only heard Monica's side of that. That little fatso was a terror. Rachel: Ish. I just don't think I can bear it. Ross: Rachel, I know that you can. And you should. Rachel: Uch. Ross: Really, it would be good for you and in fact, why don't you, why don't you go ahead to the restaurant and I will wait for my mom and then I'll meet you there. Rachel: Oh-A. Ross: No, no, really. You should go. Just go! Go! Go out! Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up the heels. Paint the town red. (Slang right?) Rachel: You need to learn some new slang. Ross: I'm serious. C'mon, you should go. Here. (shoves her outside, while she tries to stay) No, uh-uh, just go. Rachel: What ... Oh! (points inside) Ross: No! No, you know what? (closes the door) You [can't get in there] (?), the baby's fine, now scram. Yeah, [I told you a\|Tell your] story walking. (?) Rachel: I was just going to say that I left my keys. Ross: Oh, (door is locked) holy moly are we in a pickle now. [Scene: The restaurant. Phoebe and Joey are sitting alone at a table for six.] Phoebe: Where is everyone? They're forty minutes late. Joey: I know, u-uch. Phoebe: I'm starving. I know we were coming here tonight, I ate nothing all day. Joey: What about me, he? Only had one lunch today. Waiter: (with British accent) Soo, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly? Phoebe: Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah, yeah um, their arrival is in the offing. Waiter: Right. We do have a table for two available, perhaps you would be more comfortable. Joey: No, they're comin', we're waitin' right here. Phoebe: Joseph! (to waiter) Thou needn't worry, they shan't be long. Waiter: It's just that we do have some large parties waiting. Phoebe: One really does have a stick up one's ass. Doesn't one? [Scene: The Bings'.] Monica: How can you smoke in this day of age? Do you not seen that ad with a little kid walks to grandpa, it's chilling. Chandler: I messed up, it was a meeting, everybody was smoking. Monica: So what? Don't you have any will power? Chandler: Will power? I've watch home movies of you eating ding-dongs (?) without taking the tin foil off. Monica: You said that was sexy! Chandler: 'kay, look: Can we just drop this? I'm not gonna smoke again. Monica: That's right, because I forbid you to smoke again. Chandler: You forbid me? Monica: Mhmm. Chandler: You know, I flew a long way t see my loving wife? Is she here by the way? Monica: Don't joke (?) with me, okay? I'm very, very upset right now. Chandler: Oh, would you say this was the most upset you could be? Monica: Yes. Chandler: Then, I might as well ... (grabs the cigs) do this (lights one, exhales). Not really sure what to do now. Monica: Well, I'll tell you what we're gonna do: We are already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner, so you point out put out that cigarette, we're gonna put this fight on hold and go have sx. Chandler: Fine. What!? Monica: sx! This is the last day I'm ovulating, and when we don't do it now, we'll have to wait till next month. (walks towards bedroom) Chandler: You serious? (follows) Monica: Oh yeah! Chandler: Right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking. Monica: Huh, and no cuddling. Chandler: And no kissing your neck. Monica: Oh good, I hate it when you do that Chandler: And lots of kissing your neck. [Scene: Outside Ross and Rachel's.] Ross: Okay, well the ??? is not home. Rachel: No. Uch. Ross: Oh-oh, wait, my mother is gonna be here any minute. And she has the keys. Rachel: Alright, I can't, I can't wait that long. You have to do something--knock that door down! Ross: I would, but I bruise like a peach. Besides, y...you know, everything is gonna be fine. The baby's sleeping. Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet? Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah jumped. Rachel: Oh my god, I left the water running. Ross: Rach you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay? Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on? Ross: You never cooked since 1996. (Actually Rachel cooked in "609 - TOW Ross Got High", first aired 1999-11-25.) Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there. Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think .. listen, listen! Rachel: Ubb. Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. (previously scared Rachel turns away) No, no wait, no-no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby on its talon. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still up lays (?) are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirl pool, that fills the apartment. Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true. [Scene: The restaurant with still just Phoebe and Joey.] Waiter: Hello. Phoebe & Joey: Hey. Waiter: It's been an hour. ??? be willing to reconsider switching to a smaller table. Joey: Maybe we should just eat now. Waiter: You can't order until your entire party has arrived. Restaurant policy. Joey: Wha-a how about this: Another table leaves, right? But there's still some food left on their place, okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eatin' that? Waiter: Estrangement (?). Joey: But it happens? (waiter leaves) I'm gotta go to the bathroom. Phoebe: No, you can't go. No-no-no, I can't hold this table on my own. If they ask me to move, I cave. Joey: If you ask me to stay, I'll pee. (leaves) Maitre D': Good evening, Miss. (Phoebe turns her head away) Miss? (from the opposite side) Miss? (ahe turns again) Miss! Phoebe: Okay, fine, I'll move. Alright, you don't have to manhandle me. (gets up) Where? (he points at a smaller table) Okay. Thank you. Watch. Joey: (returns to their old table where elderly people are sitting now, sits) Finally you guys made it. (looks up, turns left to Phoebe's chair) Pheebs, who the hell--uhuhh! [Scene: The Bings' bedroom, Chandler is undressing, Monica in bed already.] Monica: Spend more time with the tie. That'll make a baby. Chandler: Look, I can't do this. I can't make love to you while we're fighting this way. Monica: Oh sure, now you're Mister Sensitivity. But when you wanted to have sx right after my uncle's funeral Chandler: That was a celebration of life. Alright, look, I'm not gonna do this. Alright, is this really the way you want a baby to be conceived? Monica: No, you're right. Mnya, we shouldn't do it like this. Huch. For what it's worth, I'm, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come down on you so hard about the smoking. So you had a few cigarettes, not the end of the world. Chandler: Mean it? Monica: Yah. Chandler: You are incredible. Unless, I...I'm not gonna smoke again. And if I do, I promise, I will hide it so much better from you. (they kiss) Monica: D'you want to? Chandler: Yeah, let's celebrate life! Monica: 'kay. [Scene: Ms. Geller, Rachel and Ross storm into the apartment.] Rachel: Och, god. (seeing Emma) Oh, thank god, you're okay. I'm so sorry we left you. Mom never gonna leave you again. Never ever ever again. Uch. Ross: Great. So let's get going? Rachel: Oh no. I mean it. After what just happened, I'm never leaving her again. Ms. Geller: I understand, separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset, he took off all his clothes, tucked his ??? between his legs and cried out: "Mommy, I'm a girl, take me with you." Ross: Somehow over time it got easier to be apart from you. [Scene: Bings in bed, finished.] Chandler: Uhh. You are welcome. Monica: You know what? Let's not talk. Chandler: What? Monica: Uch. I am still so mad at you for smoking. Chandler: But you said you forgave me. It was just a couple of cigarettes--no big deal. Monica: Oh, blablablabaybaybay. Chandler: Leave it. Monica: I was just saying that because I was ovulating and you said you wouldn't have sx with me while we're fighting. Chandler: You tricked me to get me into bed? Monica: That's right, I got mine. Chandler: I feel so used. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Restaurant, still just the not-couple.] Phoebe: Well, I guess they're not coming. You wanna just order? Joey: Thank you. (stands up and kisses her lips.) Waiter! 'alright, this is gonna be fast, so try to keep Phoebe: Risotto with the shaped truffles and the roasted rip steak with the golden Chanderelles and a Bordelaise sauce and that any that stuff I just said means snails. (Hope, I kept up.) Waiter: Er--does not. Phoebe: Tomato tart and which of the pastas would you recommend? Waiter: Oh, they're both exclus... Phoebe: Both it is, thank you. Joey: Oh, uh, again. Can I make a special request: Can you bring everything as soon as it's ready? Appetizers, entrees, we don't care. Ross & Rachel: (entering) Hey, hi, hi! Waiter: I'll just wait to put your order in. Phoebe: You guys are over an hour late. What happened to you two? Ross: I'm so sorry ... Rachel: We got locked out of the apartment, we ... Joey: That's a great story--can I eat it? Ross: And then Rachel wasn't sure she could leave the baby. Rachel: N-it wasn't easy, but it's your birthday and I did what I got to do. Phoebe: And that's Judy over there at the bar with Emma? Rachel: Oh honey, this is for the best, thus I'm not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she's doing at home and I'm being completely here with you and, oh, she spit up! Ross: What? Rachel: She spit up. Judy! She spi...Judy! Look alive, Judy! (they sit down) Thank you. Ross: Thanks. Oh. Rachel: Oh, ooh, everything looks delicious. What should I ha-ave? What should I have? Joey: (mumbling) Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman. Ross: Y'know this ??? is incredible. Joey: Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach. Ross: Okay, I'll have the fixed salad and the duck. Rachel: Yah, I'll have the soup and the salmon. Joey: And remember whatever comes up first. Okay? And hurry, because Monica: (entering with husband) Happy birthday! Joey: Son of a bitch! Phoebe: Wher-where have you been? Monica: Well, we had a little fight. Chandler: I would never lie to get someone into bed. Monica: You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. (being sat down) Ooh, uh, thanks. Wow, little tight, isn't it? How d'you get a bigger table? You-you had a big table, but they made you move. Huh-huh, shut up Monica. Whoo, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck. Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the ... manipulative shrew. Waiter: I'll give you another minute. Joey: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew! (runs after the waiter) Ross: Rach, c'mon, Emma is fine. You're turning into an obsessive mother. Okay, you need to stop. Rachel: Y'guys ever heard the story about when Ross's mom went to the beauty salon? Chandler: You mean the lully story? Ross: (childish) Huh-huh, they already know it. Phoebe: You guys, we've been waiting for you for a long time, maybe you should order. Joey: (returned) No, no, it's okay, I already told the waiter what they want. Monica: Why would you do that? Joey: Chandler, control your woman! Rachel: (lifts for a toast) Okay, as everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast ... to Phoebe. She dropped her sock. Phoebe: Aw ... what? Rachel: N-no, Emma dropped her sock. Monica: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today, she told me she was out of town. Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground. Phoebe: 's a good toast. Rachel: (to Ross) Could you please get her attention? Ross: W-oa ... Mommy! (gestures to his not understanding mother) Phoebe: (getting up) Oh, for god's sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (everybody scared) I'm sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my li-little outburst blunt (?) the hideousness (?) that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didn't even have the courtesy to call. (her cellular rings) Well, it's too late now. Ross: Well, ??? think that's us? Phoebe: well, this is, this is, this is not over! (on phone) Hello? Joey: (to Chandler and Monica) Well, what is going on with you two? Monica: Uch, you see, I'm ovulating. Chandler: Oh yeah, that's what she says. But maybe you're not ovulating at all, maybe it's just a clever ruse to get me into bed. Monica: Yes smokie, that is what it was. I just can't get enough. Chandler: (to Joey) You not gonna believe this: She lied! She tricked me into having sx with her. Joey: So? Did have sx, right? Chandler: What's the matter with me? Why I'm such a girl? Phoebe: (returns) Okay, that was Mike. Rachel: Phoebe, hi, we're so sorry. You're totally right. We are here one hundred per cent and we love you and we are ready to start your birthday celebration. Phoebe: Mhuh, guys, that means the world to me. Huh, mkay, I'm gonna take off. Rachel: What? Phoebe: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I'm not t--not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! (waves to the bar) Judy! Bye. Rachel: Oh thank god, if Phoebe's going, can we please take Emma home? Ross: You know, I think that's a good idea--our babysitter just pounded in another Chardonnay. (both get up) Bye, y'guys. Monica: Bye. Joey: See ya. Well, this is just us. Monica & Chandler: Mhum. Monica: So, I'm, I'm probably still ovulating. Do you want to give it another try? Chandler: So you never had sx with a Kennedy, have you? Joey: Do, do you gonna do it now? Monica: We don't have much time. Once the egg decended the oviduct ... Joey: No-ohoh. (the Bings leave, the waiter comes) Maitre D': I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning. Joey: Nah, just me. All alone. (all the food is served) Dinner for six for one, uh, you boys are about to see something really special. Closing Credits* [Scene: continues, Joey finished everything] Waiter: How was everything, sir? Joey: Excellent. The shrew in particular was exclusive. Waiter: Well, I hope, you got some room left. Waiters: (with birthday cake, singing) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear ... Joey: Joey! Joey. Waiters: ... Joey, happy birthday to you. Joey: That's the best birthday ever. End	Plan: A: Phoebe's birthday; Q: What is the gang celebrating at a fancy restaurant? A: his smoking; Q: What do Monica and Chandler argue about? A: their apartment; Q: Where did Ross and Rachel get locked outside? A: Emma; Q: Who is inside the apartment when Ross and Rachel get locked out? A: the diner; Q: Where did Phoebe leave to meet Mike? A: Mike; Q: Who does Phoebe leave to meet when she leaves the restaurant? A: work; Q: What does Mike finish early? A: Only Joey; Q: Who stays to eat everyone's dinners? Summary: The gang is celebrating Phoebe's birthday at a fancy restaurant, but only she and Joey are on time: Monica and Chandler argue about his smoking again; Ross and Rachel get locked outside their apartment with Emma inside. When everyone finally makes it to the diner, Phoebe then leaves to meet Mike when he finishes work early. Only Joey stays to eat everyone's dinners.
Ted (2030): In autumn 2009, a new couple moved just above.We had not met but you could hear all the time. They kept... children, say they did not stop "playing the bagpipes." Robin: This is nonsense. They are still playing the bagpipes. Ted: I know. It's been 6 hours. That must be the fact that Stan Tantric bagpipes. Robin: It does not stop him from screaming to play louder, but it seems that there is rather strong. I have a glass of water in my room that vibrates like Jurassic Park. Ted: Are there neighbors! Stop the bagpipes! GENERIC Ted is at McLaren's, alone. Ted (2030): I decided to go to the bar to be quiet. It was not really that. Barney joins him. Barney: I hate to be the one to tell you. Marshall and Lily get divorced. Ted: Not at all. Barney: Look what I saw yesterday. Flashback Barney, Marshall and Lily are in the kitchen of the latter. Lily: Baby, you can wash it? Marshall: No problem. Barney: I gotta go. End flashback Barney: She makes her dishes right away, Ted. I give them two or three weeks maximum. Ted: There is nothing serious. And certainly nothing serious enough that you hold my hand. Barney: They have a big problem. Ted: I see what happens. You, my friend, you suffer from a disease little known... "little known" because I just invented it... called Adequacy of New Relationship. Robin, you are in your honeymoon stage. Everything is perfect. The songs on the radio talking about you. Other couples are concerned. Enjoy it. The SNR does not last forever. Barney: If, when you're great like me. Listen to this. Robin taking into account the number of beds in which we did. One is 83 and a half. Ted: And a half? Barney: An Ottoman 19th in an antique shop. Marshall arrived in turn. Marshall: What's new? Barney: Big Tiger. You holding up? Want a hug? You mean yesterday? You're safe here. Ted: According to Barney, Lily asking you to do your own dishes right away is a sign that your marriage falls apart. Marshall: Why? Lily loves a clean sink so I do the dishes right away, what's the problem? Barney: I'll tell you what's the problem. You know how I was always the best single? Now I'm the best in relationship. Even better than you and Lily. Marshall: Look at you. You got a girlfriend for 5 minutes and you think playing in the big leagues. Adorable. Son... I'm in a relationship for your ponytail and that you were playing the guitar with Dave Matthews Mom. I am a good boyfriend when I sleep. I can do a killer foot massage, hand and prepare a great chamomile on the other, which would make you cry. Damn, I know more about how to make popcorn and watch movies with Sandra Bullock in that you'll ever know, but thank you to worry, blue. Barney: Let me ask you a question. Marshall: Go ahead. Barney: Do you mind you, if the sink is full of dirty dishes? Marshall: Not really. Barney: So what is the problem of Lily, not yours. Marshall: But if I said that, we will play, so... Barney: You argue. Robin, we do not fight. Ted: Of course I do. Barney: No. And here's the secret, every time we say we're going to argue... Flashback Barney takes his breakfast when Robin arrives in a dressing gown. Robin: Why is there a bag of pants marked "April 2008" in your closet? Barney gets up and leaves his apartment, leaving Robin unanswered. End flashback Ted: So when you think you will play and you get up you go? Barney: It works in 100% of cases. No fighting if you're not there.This is what Gandhi said. Ted: This is not true. Marshall: I can not believe Robin supports it. Barney: Do not worry. It also has a good way to avoid arguments. Flashback Robin and Barney are at the apartment of the latter. Robin: The ties go to the machine? Barney Probably not. Why? You want what? My God, you want what? She does not respond and unbuttons her blouse. End flashback Marshall: You're leaving. Robin begins to coat. I never heard anything so stupid. Ted: Well, the thing naked is not bad. It was weird. Marshall: Call me crazy. Ted: Mad. Marshall: But when you have a problem with Lily, it is discussed. Barney: There's so much to do with the mouth. Why spoil it by talking? But if you insist, here's what I would say on the dishes if I was married to Lily. Flash Barney imagine the scenario. He returned to the apartment where Lily is already. Lily: Barney, you came home! She jumps into the arms of Barney and they kiss. End flash Marshall: Go to the basics! Barney: Okay. Flash Barney: Thank you, doll. Lily: Honey, you're going to wash it? Barney: I'm glad you mention it. No. And that's why. I know you do not like dirty sinks. But do it for me to clean it? If one day I looked up the ceiling of the room and think, "Hey, I want a replica of the Sistine Chapel" is what you will paint the? Lily: No. Of course not. Barney: Exactly! Similarly, if you do not like having lots of dirty dishes, it's your washing. Lily: Thank you explained that. I get confused easily. Barney: It's because you're a woman. Lily: I do not even know why we laugh! Barney: Of course not. End flash Ted: Are you kidding me. Marshall: Wait, Ted. Listen to the man. Barney: Once I have his attention, it's time to get out the heavy artillery. Flash Lily and Barney are sitting on the couch. Barney: Look, I love you. But, baby, with little energy I have left after work, I want to cover you with love, not washing dishes. Lily: You're right. I'll do the dishes. Just after doing this. She lowers the light and dance in a way... sexy. Barney: Now, turn around. End flash Ted: You beat him or I do it? Marshall: He's right. Ted: No. Marshall, look at me. Do not go into the circus of Barney Stinson, the house of mirrors and illogical logic. You got ear pierced like that in 2003. Barney: The piercing was cool. Marshall: It was cool, huh? Ted: Stay with me! Barney is wrong. Marshall: No, not at all. I hate doing the dishes right away. Ted: You just said the opposite! Marshall: I hate it! I hate it from the depths of my soul! I hate it! I hate it I hate it! Barney: You're welcome. Robin joins them. Ted: Okay. There you are. You're gonna tell me the truth. Barney said that you did ever played. Robin: I think that's true. Barney: I told you. Ted: Impossible. I love you both but you're the two biggest emotional disabilities in the history of relations. You had to play at least once. Robin: You know what? It's true. We tried to find out which of us was most great. But it said draw and we made love. Speaking of that, I am delighted that we go skiing this weekend. I need a break. The upstairs neighbors make me crazy. Ted: Yeah, it's ugly. I'll go talk to them. Robin: Thank you. Barney: Super. Here are your tasks for the weekend. Ted, you're gonna go see the neighbors. Marshall, you go see Lily. Robin and I need you for a crouched position on an animal skin in our chalet. Ready? Break! Barney hand, followed by Robin. Ted: Have fun. Marshall: Barney... With his madness, his theory goes well thought might work. Ted: I will repeat once. This is a bad idea. Marshall: Will it work. Ted: A second time. This is a bad idea. Marshall: Barney argued logically. Lily is a reasonable woman. I think if I explain, understand and can go in my opinion. Ted: No. She will be angry and you will play. Marshall: It is a slap bet? Ted: We bet a slap. Marshall is in the kitchen with Lily. Lily: Baby, you can do the dishes? Marshall: Lily, I am delighted that you mention. Ted opens the door to his apartment to let in Marshall with his business. Marshall: I can stay here tonight? Ted slaps him. Ted: I am preparing the couch, man. Barney and Robin join Ted and Marshall at the bar. Robin: The ski babes are back! Barney and Robin kissing. Ted: How was the trip? Barney: Okay. Robin: We spent the weekend hugging the fireside. No black diamonds, nothing but red hearts. I'll unpack my bags. Robin is about to leave when sending him a kiss Barney makes it to emblant to catch. Ted: What has happened between you? When did you become disgusting? Barney: It's not great to finally see blossomed emotionally, spiritually and sexually? Ted: We all came out a year. Barney: short, and your weekend? Marshall: Terrible. And because of you! I listened to your advice stupid! Flashback Marshall removing the dishes in the sink. Lily: Baby, you can do the dishes? Marshall: Lily, I am delighted that you mention. No. And that's why... It's like, okay? You want me to get up and I wash my dishes. But maybe... I want you... combs the ceiling, right? I can say, "Yes. I will do my dishes, if you get up and you painted the ceiling of naked babies. " You see? It's just... End flashback Marshall: I do not know what happened. I am a lawyer. I earn my living by arguing but when it is with Lily, I'm... confused. How not to be with her eyes and her breasts? Barney: What happened to the "I'm tired after my exhausting day and I want to use what little energy I have left to cover you with love"? Marshall: I should have noted. Flashback Marshall: I'm making more money than you. Lily: Excuse me? Marshall: Dance for me. End flashback Marshall: It's so much better when you said but with me, it turned into an argument. And when we started arguing, it starts to mutate and multiply. Flashback Marshall: It started with the dishes but after... Lily: So you're saying you should not do the dishes because you work harder than me. Marshall: It's not what I say... but it's true. And suddenly, we argue as to who works the hardest. Lily: I teach kindergarten. I shape the leaders of tomorrow. Marshall: You eat cookies and you glue stuff. And other disputes are parties. Until there is so much we can no longer follow. Lily: If you need to go there at night, or you turn on the light or toilet you sit. Marshall: My mother does not hate you. It is neutral about you.I'm not afraid of your imitation of Shining. I just did not need to hear it mostly at night. Lily: Danny is not here, Mrs. Torrance. Marshall: Do not do that, please. End flashback Marshall: Dude, Lily is played badly. It is small... but as a vicious badger that your brother would have caught and starved for 5 days and placed in your sleeping bag. I should go and apologize. Barney: You need to be angry. Dispute yourself stronger.Imagine that Marshall never have to wash dishes in all your life, all the plates are clean. Why, it would relieve any anxiety to any meal. Not having to tie your T-shirt to form a bowl of salted fortune for your pleasures. This world belongs to you, Marshall.Beach house, take it, put yourself in holiday clothes, benefits. Marshall: He's right. Ted: Barney's stupid ideas you have put into this mess. There is no escaping it. Make this stupid dishwasher. Marshall: This dish is my manhood! And I want to leave my manhood deep in the dirty sink full of ketchup and pasta... Barney: What do you eat? Marshall: Well sh1t, it's my right! I will wipe my manhood when I'm ready! By Marshall and Robin arrives. Robin: Where is he was not riding? Hey, Barnstormer. Barney: Hey, Ro-Ro. They kiss. Ted: You're cute nicknames? Seriously. What happens to you both? Robin: Nothing. We're just happy. Barney: As Gandhi said, "A smile costs nothing, baby." Ted: I'm not sure that you know who Gandhi is. Robin: So you talked to the neighbors? Ted: Yeah, yeah, I did. I went up ready to put them back. Flashback Ted hits with his neighbors over. A man and a woman opens. End flashback Robin: Some old? Ted: Really old. Robin: So you did what? Ted: I did not have the strength to tell them to stop, because, good for them. So I told them you want to welcome, ate a hard caramel, acquiesced to some racist comments and I left. Ted (2030): The days of Barney and Robin continued to be happier than ever. (At the bar, Barney and Robin dance) and Marshall and Lily have continued to argue. [SCENE_BREAK] At the apartment Marshall and Lily... Marshall: I do not care if the dishes are not done. If you do not give a damn, do it. Lily: Super. So I do not care if you have an orgasm. If you do not give a damn, do it yourself. Marshall: I spent 18 years without a woman does not affect me. I can do it again. Lily: You will perhaps have to do it again. Ted is on his couch. Ted (2030): And I heard more than a bagpipe parade of St. Patrick. Between Marshall. Marshall: I do not know what to do. We never had to fight so long. It's as if I no longer existed. Sunday morning, she made a pancake, Ted. A pancake and a slice of bacon. Ted: It's your fault. You took advice in love with Barney. Marshall: Well, maybe Barney was all inclusive. He and Ro-Ro are the best pair now. With Lily it was dethroned. Ted: You know, I do not believe all this stuff cute and adorable, it's not them. And I know for a fact that Robin hates nicknames. Flashback In 2006, Robin joined the McLaren's Ted. Ted: Thank you, Robbie Engineering. Robin: I do not like nicknames. At Ted's apartment... Ted: You're finished with the sports page, Sherbs? Robin: Seriously, stop. Ted is on the phone. Ted: It's T-Mose. Robin: I do not like with you either. End flashback Marshall: Apparently, she loves them now. And... come on, someone had to stop T-Mose. Ted: T-Mose was great. I think of the show. Marshall: The bagpipe seems different today. There was an echo. Ted: They're probably playing the bagpipes on the shower chair. Ted (2030): And suddenly, I found how to get the real scoop on Barney and Robin. Barney, Robin and Ted are at McLaren's. Barney: How will Marshall and Lily? Robin: Those two worry me, really. Barney: You and your big, huge heart. Ted: Enough. The game is over. Barney: What do you mean by that? Robin: Who, him? A man is sitting at their table. Ted: It's going to come. You see, I knew it was wrong. You two were too happy, too radiant, too "surnomants". It was not right.Never disputes? Crap. You argue all... the... time. Robin: How would you know that? Ted: Phil told me. Barney: Who the hell is Phil? Ted: Your downstairs neighbor. Man: I'm Phil. 12-B. Ted: And it has everything... heard. So Phil told me that Ro-Ro and Barnstormer argue... a lot. Explanations? Barney: All was going well. Our techniques dodges worked perfectly until the skiing trip last weekend. Flashback Barney and Robin are in a chairlift. Barney: I found at Marshall's arguments Lily were zero then it will never have to wash another dish. Slap me in two. Robin: It's your board that is zero. Barney: You're on the side of Lily? You... (The chairlift stops) No. We will argue and I can not spin. Robin: I can not undress. It's freezing here. I'll be hypothermic. Barney: Or so I tried the jump? Robin: Or just the pants? Barney: This trick of dodging is over? Robin: I think. Barney: You have the? This is the smallest! Robin: They fight because of you!? End flashback Barney: And it does not stop there. We argue non-stop since. Robin: All the disputes that had prevented us are above benefits.The bag of panties. Barney: The tie murdered by Robin. Robin: The hidden camera in the headboard. Barney: As a quarterback to stay on top. Monday morning, he sits on an ice pack and are studying the tape of the match. Robin: Barney for the millionth time... They argue. Ted: I knew it! I knew you were too cute and perfect! Barney: Look, we were fed up everyone to tell us how we are no relations. Robin: It was nice to be the ideal couple for one minute. Ted: I knew you were lying. Get up early for the feint-T Mose. Robin: Stop it. At the apartment Marshall and Lily... Marshall is sitting on the couch. Lily: Marshall, dinner is ready. Marshall: You've done for me? Lily: No, but what is your favorite. It sounds and Marshall will open. Barney: We need advice. Ted (2030): Robin and Barney told Lily and Marshall to their disputes. And let's just say, in comparison, their quarrels dishes seemed bland. Flashback We see scenes of arguments between Barney and Robin. End flashback Ted (2030): And in the end, Lily and Marshall had the same reaction. Marshall: I'll do the dishes directly to my death. Lily: I do not care when you take out. But if it is made of cheese as a good ziti, do soak. Marshall: Sure, honey. Lily: I love you. Marshall: I love you too. Robin: You see? At the moment, how did you do to fix everything? Marshall: I do not know. Sometimes you just let his ego aside. Lily: And keep in mind that the love you have for that other person is more important than winning. Barney and Robin laugh. Barney: More important than winning. Robin: Calm. Calm down. Seriously, what's the secret? Lily: The honeymoon phase may be over, but now you can get down to business. And honestly, it's the best part. Robin: Good night. Barney and Robin go. Barney: What about now? Robin: I think we should talk about advantage and get down to business. Barney: Or, there is a bench in the elevator. Robin: That's better. It is not the best couple in the world, so what? Barney: Grave. It's not a competition. At the apartment Marshall and Lily... Lily: We won! Marshall: Best couple of the world! He opens a bottle of champagne. On the couch... Marshall: Guess what? These glasses are plastic. So you can throw them. So no dirty dishes in the sink. Lily: You're dirty. It is you who should be in the sink. They kiss. Ted (2030): And once the first fight set, all the others, well, they are also regulated. Neighbors of Ted, the luster of living aspen and a bagpipe sounds.	Plan: A: Barney; Q: Who thinks he and Robin are the perfect couple? A: relationship advice; Q: What does Barney give to Marshall? A: a big mistake; Q: What does Barney's advice to Marshall turn out to be? Summary: Barney, thinking he and Robin are the perfect couple, gives relationship advice to Marshall, which turns out to be a big mistake. Ted and Robin have some noisy neighbours.
5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. COURTROOM RECEPTION (BARBARA is holding the receiver. SUSAN'S voice can be heard at the other end.) SUSAN: (OOV.) Aah ... I want to talk to Barbara Wright. BARBARA: Susan? SUSAN: (OOV.) Barbara, they made me call you. BARBARA: Who, Susan? Who? SUSAN: (OOV: Terrified.) Barbara, listen there was... ah! (The sound cuts out.) BARBARA: Susan? Susan? Are you there, Susan? SUSAN: (OOV: Quietly.) They're ... they're going to kill me. (A look of alarm crosses BARBARA'S face.) BARBARA: Su...? (The line is cut off.) SABETHA: We must tell Tarron. BARBARA: (Firmly.) No. SABETHA: Well what else can we do? We've got to find her. BARBARA: Yes, of course we have, but... ALTOS: You're thinking of the Doctor? BARBARA: He mustn't know anything about this. He must keep his mind absolutely clear in order to concentrate on Ian. Anyway, how do we know that Tarron isn't implicated? Who'd suspect the Chief Investigator? He was next to Aydan in court when he was killed. SABETHA: What do we do, Barbara? BARBARA: We find Susan ourselves. ALTOS: And remember, whoever is behind this kidnapping is either in league with the murderer or is the murderer. BARBARA: Trouble is, where to begin? Best thing we can do is to go over everything that's happened to us since we landed in Millennius. There's a link somewhere and it's probably the one and only way to save Ian. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. CELL (IAN is standing in a cell, presided over by a GUARD.) IAN: How much longer? GUARD: Execution is set to take place when the pointer reaches the star. (IAN looks to what looks like a clock with a single hand and a star at the top. If this was an ordinary clock the hand would be at about twenty to the hour.) IAN: Will I be allowed to see my friends? (The GUARD shakes his head. IAN glances back at the clock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. COURTROOM RECEPTION (BARBARA is pacing round in deep thought. She suddenly stops.) BARBARA: I've got it. I've got it! SABETHA: What? ALTOS: What is it? BARBARA: Well it's a start anyway. ALTOS: Go on. BARBARA: Aydan is the only one we know for certain who was connected with the crime. He knew all the others though, that's probably why he was killed. SABETHA: I don't see how that helps. ALTOS: Well they must have been in contact when they were planning the robbery. It's just possible that his wife, Kala, might know someone that he was seeing quite frequently. SABETHA: But if she did do you think she'd tell us? ALTOS: Well, of course she would, she'd be as eager as we are to find the man that murdered her husband. SABETHA: I'm not so sure. BARBARA: Well it's a chance. Come on, it's a chance! (They run off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. AYDON AND KALA'S APARTMENT (KALA holds the door open for them to enter. She recognises BARBARA.) KALA: (Surprised.) You. BARBARA: I'm terribly s ... sorry to disturb you. We know what a terrible ordeal you've been through but we think you might be able to help us. KALA: (Coldly.) I don't think so, I know nothing. BARBARA: Oh please, may we come in? KALA: If you must. BARBARA: Thank you. (They walk into the middle of the room as KALA shuts the door.) BARBARA: The people who murdered your husband have kidnapped Susan, the young girl who was with us. ALTOS: They've threatened to kill her too. We thought it was possible that you might know someone that your husband was seeing quite frequently. KALA: I know of no one. My husband was very secretive, he never told me who he saw or where he went. (She starts to get upset.) Now please, Aydan is dead, if he's committed a crime, he's paid for it. He's dead but I'll have to live with the memory of his crime for the rest of my life. (She breaks off into sobs.) BARBARA: I'm sorry but you see, you're our only help. KALA: Leave me alone. Leave me alone. I do understand and I sympathise with you. You must have been sick with worry since you spoke to Susan, but I ... I just can't help you. I know nothing! (She begins to cry again.) BARBARA: I'm sorry. ALTOS: Come on. (He leads them towards the door but BARBARA stops by KALA.) BARBARA: Please understand. We had to try. Goodbye. (She and SABETHA walk out and ALTOS shuts the door behind them. KALA looks up and satisfied that they have gone, begins to chuckle quietly. She slides open a door to another room where SUSAN, bound and gagged, is being held captive.) KALA: Your friends were here looking for you. (SUSAN looks up.) KALA: No, don't look hopeful. They've gone, they won't be back. They're like all the rest of them. Stupid! Stupid. (She goes to answer a call at the communications device on her desk.) KALA: Yes? EYESEN: (OOV.) The trial has just ended. Chesterton is to be executed at the beginning of the next zenith. KALA: Good. The old man didn't say where the key was hidden? EYESEN: (OOV.) No. I'm certain he doesn't know. I'll get it later then come for you. Be ready. KALA: I will. What about the child? EYESEN: (OOV.) She's no more use. Now she can identify you, now. Kill her. (SUSAN hears this instruction ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT (BARBARA, ALTOS and SABETHA are walking back to the courtroom.) ALTOS: We cannot delay telling the Doctor now. BARBARA: Oh, we should have told him long ago. Sabetha you were right. If anything happened to Susan I'd never forgive myself. SABETHA: It was a terrible choice. She sounded so afraid. (BARBARA suddenly stops.) SABETHA: What is it? BARBARA: What you just said. Kala couldn't have known! ALTOS: Known? Known what? What are you talking about? BARBARA: Kala said, 'You must have been sick with worry since you spoke to Susan.' Well how did she know we'd spoken to Susan? We've told no one. ALTOS: Then Kala must have been with Susan when she telephoned. BARBARA: Yes! ALTOS: Come on, we're going back. (They run back ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. AYDON AND KALA'S APARTMENT (KALA pulls a futuristic looking weapon out of a drawer in her desk and goes over to SUSAN.) KALA: Seems a pity really. (She is unaware of BARBARA, ALTOS and SABETHA sneaking up behind her.) KALA: The old man didn't know where the key was hidden after all. (They grab her from behind as she raises the weapon.) KALA: (Furiously.) Let me go! Let go of me! Let me go! (BARBARA leaves ALTOS and SABETHA struggling with her and unties SUSAN'S bonds.) ALTOS: (To KALA.) Don't struggle! (As soon as she is free, SUSAN flings her arms around BARBARA.) SUSAN: (Sobbing.) Oh, Barbara! Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. COURTROOM RECEPTION (The DOCTOR is sitting on a bench outside the courtroom, looking grim. EYESEN emerges, carrying his papers. He stops and goes over to the DOCTOR.) EYESEN: Don't take it so hard. DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, ha, it's you. EYESEN: I just wanted to say what a good job you did on the defence. DOCTOR: Yes. And you did an even better job on the prosecution, my man. EYESEN: I'm sorry we couldn't have met under happier circumstances. DOCTOR: Yes, yes. (EYESEN offers his hand.) EYESEN: Goodbye. DOCTOR: Goodbye. (He shakes it. LARN arrives carrying to mace and some papers and goes over to the desk which is currently being occupied by TARRON.) LARN: (To EYESEN.) Oh, excuse me. (To TARRON.) The exhibits and documents. Where do you want them? TARRON: In the cupboard, please. EYESEN: (To TARRON.) Well. I don't think there's anything else. Goodbye. TARRON: Goodbye, sir. (EYESEN leaves as LARN places the items in a cupboard unit and locks the door. TARRON goes over to the DOCTOR, impatiently.) TARRON: It's time to leave, sir. DOCTOR: Leave? I can't leave now. I must find new evidence and reopen the case. (LARN answers a call.) LARN: Yes? (BARBARA is heard.) BARBARA: (OOV.) I'd like to speak to Interrogator Tarron. (LARN gives the receiver to TARRON.) TARRON: This is Tarron. BARBARA: (OOV.) This is Barbara Wright. Have you had the results yet on the gun that killed Aydan? TARRON: No, not yet. BARBARA: (OOV.) Well just to save time, I'll tell you what they say - Aydan was killed by his wife, Kala. TARRON: (Shocked.) What? BARBARA: (OOV.) I'm with her now. Why don't you come and get her? TARRON: (To LARN.) Come on. (He puts the receiver down and he and LARN stride purposefully from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. COURTROOM RECEPTION (LATER) (The travellers have all been reunited except for IAN.) BARBARA: ...So we realised that Kala couldn't have known we'd talked to Susan. SUSAN: Yes, and the three of them crept up behind her and wham! BARBARA: We shouldn't have taken the chance, though. I had no right to risk Susan's life. DOCTOR: Perhaps not, perhaps not, however the child is safe and well. I wish I could say the same thing about Chesterton. ALTOS: But surely they'll stop the execution now that Kala's confessed? DOCTOR: I hope so. I sincerely hope so. (TARRON returns, looking troubled.) DOCTOR: Well? Well? TARRON: Kala's made a full statement. She's named her accomplice. DOCTOR: Ah, then you can stay the execution. TARRON: No, I can't. Kala's sworn testimony states that the man she was working with was Ian Chesterton. DOCTOR: (Outraged.) Impossible! BARBARA: But she's lying! TARRON: Yes, I have doubts myself. She's a vicious, dangerous woman. But just doubts aren't enough to s ... ask for a stay of execution. We need positive proof. SUSAN: What about that man that called her on the phone thing? I heard him tell her to kill me. TARRON: You didn't recognise the voice? SUSAN: No. DOCTOR: What else did he say? SUSAN: Oh, nothing much. Just that he'd collect the key later and ... and then pick her up. DOCTOR: Collect the key... ? (He bursts into laughter.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, do you understand? The villain that planned all this, the one who planned this whole affair is now planning to collect the key! (Laughs.) What a wonderful opportunity it gives us to catch him red-handed ... and to release Chesterton! (He laughs again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CELL (IAN looks up at the clock, the hand of which is getting ever closer to the star.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. COURTROOM RECEPTION (NIGHT) (The room is shrouded in darkness. The DOCTOR is in hiding as a mysterious figure wearing black clothes and a hood opens the door and slips quietly in. It goes over to the cupboard, pulls out a key and unlocks it before pulling out the mace. Suddenly, TARRON and LARN jump out of the darkness either side. Just as they manage to overcome the mysterious thief, the DOCTOR turns the lights on. He pulls off the hood.) DOCTOR: You! (EYESEN glares defiantly back at him.) TARRON: Call the prison. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. COURTROOM RECEPTION (The DOCTOR, SUSAN, IAN, BARBARA and TARRON are all gathered. The DOCTOR removes a portion of the mace revealing that the final key is hidden inside. BARBARA laughs.) SUSAN: Oh, the key! IAN: How did you know it was there, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well it had to be. I knew it all along. Until we knew the culprit, the information was no good. TARRON: Everyone and everything that went in or out of that vault was checked. Everything except this mace. BARBARA: Have you any idea why they did it? TARRON: Oh yes, they've owned up to everything. Kala and the prosecutor had planned to steal the key and sell it. And Chesterton here just happened to walk right into the middle of it. They made him look so guilty I never doubted for a moment that he was the one. DOCTOR: (Laughs.) You should read Piro, my boy. He founded scepticism, a great asset to your business. IAN: Well, thank heaven you remembered reading Piro, Doctor. DOCTOR: Reading? What are you talking about? I met the man. (They all laugh.) SUSAN: (Hugging BARBARA.) Whoopee! Now we can go and join Altos and Sabetha. IAN: Have you sent them on ahead, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well there was no point in keeping them here so I thought it might cheer Arbitan up to know that we'd been successful. IAN: Good idea. BARBARA: Yes, well it's been lovely for him to see his daughter again. SUSAN: Oh, yes! DOCTOR: (To IAN.) Well, not only that, you see ... (As the DOCTOR continues to talk to IAN in the background, LARN enters and gives a scroll to TARRON.) LARN: The Senior Judge has just written this. (TARRON glances at it and goes over to the others.) DOCTOR: Ah, is that the authorisation? TARRON: This gives you permission to take the keys out. DOCTOR: Thank you. All we need now is the wrist strap you impounded from Chesterton. (TARRON produces it and gives it to IAN.) IAN: Ah, thank you. LARN: I see you're all wearing them. What are they for? DOCTOR: Our means of travel. IAN: They do look a bit odd but they work. They give us movement through space. TARRON: I don't believe it. DOCTOR: Show him. IAN: All right. (He walks over to SUSAN and BARBARA.) IAN: Now? SUSAN: Ready. BARBARA: Steady. IAN: Go. (They twist their dials and instantly dematerialise as TARRON and LARN stare on in amazement.) DOCTOR: Well, one of them might have waited for me. However, I suppose I'd better join them. LARN: I don't understand. Where have they gone? (The DOCTOR walks over to where his companions were stood.) DOCTOR: Goodbye, my friends. (He activates his travel dial and he too disappears leaving his onlookers even more perplexed.) LARN: He's gone too. TARRON: Yes. He told us what was going to happen and we saw it. But nobody else has seen it. We'd be better off keeping this story to ourselves. LARN: How are you going to complete the report, Tarron? TARRON: I shall say that... that they left. They left to take the key back to its inventor, Arbitan ... [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. ISLAND (Meanwhile, on the conscience island...) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. PYRAMID. CONSCIENCE ROOM ( ... ALTOS is being held prisoner in the Conscience Room which is now under the control of the VOORD. YARTEK, the leader of the VOORD, who has no antennae and wears ARBITAN'S robes is standing over him.) YARTEK: Arbitan is dead. You hear me? I, Yartek, am in control now! ALTOS: (Through gritted teeth.) What have you done with Sabetha? YARTEK: Where is the final key? ALTOS: I don't know. (YARTEK waves a VOORD away.) YARTEK: Why are you so stubborn? What purpose does it serve? I'm going to find out in the end! ALTOS: What have you done to Sabetha? (The VOORD opens the door to the room and another enters, escorting SABETHA.) ALTOS: Sabetha! SABETHA: Why have you tied him up? He is of no use to you. YARTEK: (Sceptically.) Oh? SABETHA: He's just a servant. He knows nothing, I tell you. YARTEK: He means nothing to you? SABETHA: I have no thoughts about him at all. I told you, he's just one of my servants. Let him go. ALTOS: (Alarmed.) Sabetha! SABETHA: (Haughtily.) Be quiet! I did not give you permission to speak. (To YARTEK.) I tell you, he knows nothing. YARTEK: In that case, as you think so little of him, as I gather from the way you treat him, it doesn't matter what happens to him. SABETHA: Of course not. Send him away. YARTEK: Yes. I can do that... Or I can have him killed. After all, he's only a servant. (To a VOORD.) Kill him! (The VOORD pulls out a dagger and raises it to plunge into ALTOS' heart. SABETHA is forced to drop the ruse.) SABETHA: No! YARTEK: (Outraged.) Useless lies! Where is the final key? SABETHA: I'll never tell you. Never. YARTEK: But this man is no servant. He travelled with you. He is in love with you. I think he will tell me. SABETHA: The man who loves me cannot betray me. YARTEK: No, that man that loves you cannot condemn you to death. (To ALTOS.) I can promise you one thing. If you do not tell me where the final key is, I shall order my creatures to kill her! (There is an uneasy pause as ALTOS considers, then...) ALTOS: The man who was with us, the Doctor, he has it. (SABETHA begins to cry.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. PYRAMID. PASSAGEWAY (IAN leads SUSAN and BARBARA along a corridor within the pyramid. They approach a corner and he hears a sound. He waves for them to be quiet and peers round only to see the DOCTOR. They both recoil in shock. The two women laugh.) DOCTOR: (Snaps.) What on Earth are you doing, my dear boy? You frightened the life out of me! IAN: (Laughs.) Doctor, I'm sorry. SUSAN: Is TARDIS all right? DOCTOR: Yes, the force field's been lifted and I peered in for a moment or two and everything appears to be all right. SUSAN: Oh good. BARBARA: Arbitan kept his promise then. He said he'd remove the force field. DOCTOR: Yes, come along, come along. You're all running around here like a lot of scared chickens. IAN: We were waiting for you! DOCTOR: (Exasperated.) But I'm here! My dear Chesterton, sometimes ... SUSAN: Grandfather! DOCTOR: ...You drive me around the bend. I don't know why I... (He leads them off. IAN and BARBARA lag behind.) IAN: Even so, it's a bit odd. BARBARA: You mean Sabetha not being here to meet us? IAN: Or Altos. We'd better keep our eyes open. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. PYRAMID. CONSCIENCE ROOM (YARTEK is examining the four keys he has. A VOORD approaches him.) VOORD: I have put them in the cell, as ordered. YARTEK: Keep well out of sight then now, but be within call. (The VOORD leaves. YARTEK places the four keys into slots in the Conscience machine. As each one is placed in, the hum of the machine gets louder. YARTEK gently touches the side of the machine) YARTEK: One more. Just one more. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. PYRAMID. PASSAGEWAY (The TARDIS crew enters a section of the corridor shrouded in darkness. IAN goes ahead of the others when suddenly a VOORD comes out of the shadows behind him, dagger raised. The DOCTOR fells it with a blow to the neck with his walking stick and chuckles.) IAN: Well done Doctor. I was afraid of this. DOCTOR: Yes, and I think it's time now to go ... back to the ship. BARBARA: What about Sabetha and Altos? SUSAN: Yes, they may be hiding somewhere. IAN: Yes. Right. We split up. Susan, you go with me. We'll go in search of Arbitan. Doctor, you and Barbara, see if you can find Sabetha and Altos. Give me the key. (The DOCTOR passes it to him.) DOCTOR: Here. And don't part with it until you're absolutely sure it goes into the right hands! IAN: Don't worry, I won't. Come on Susan. (They head off.) DOCTOR: (To BARBARA.) And you'll accompany my ... me, my dear. BARBARA: Yes, all right. (She kneels down by the VOORD and takes its dagger.) BARBARA: Look, I think we'll take this with us. DOCTOR: Yes, yes. BARBARA: Just in case. (They too move away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. PYRAMID. CELL (ALTOS and SABETHA are tied back to back. ALTOS is struggling against his bonds.) SABETHA: It's no use! Even if we managed to untie ourselves, we'll never break the gates down. ALTOS: (Frustrated.) At least I could defend you. Oh, I can't even do that! SABETHA: At least you're with me, Altos. ALTOS: Huh, I'll never leave you. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. PYRAMID. CONSCIENCE ROOM (IAN and SUSAN burst in on YARTEK who now has ARBITAN'S hood up. He is sat in a chair and turns away from them before they can see his face.) SUSAN: Arbitan! IAN: Thank heaven, we were afraid. (YARTEK begins to imitate ARBITAN.) YARTEK: (Curtly.) Have you brought the keys? IAN: Where's Sabetha? YARTEK: Where is the old man? He is the one who has the key. SUSAN: I ... I don't understand you. We've done all these things for you and all you can do is think about the key. YARTEK: Forgive me. The keys have filled my mind for so long, I have become insensitive to anything else. Sabetha is safe and well. IAN: Do you realise that the... (He begins to approach YARTEK.) YARTEK: Stop! (IAN stops.) YARTEK: Don't come near me. Power from my machine escaped. I am suffering from a deadly disease. SUSAN: Can we do anything to help? YARTEK: Sabetha alone knows the cure. IAN: Where is Altos? YARTEK: The young man who attached himself to her while she was away? Is he a good man? Is he sincere in his feelings for her? IAN: Well, what is your impression of him? YARTEK: There are many races of men on Marinus. He looks and sounds well enough. But I don't know... IAN: Well, naturally we like and admire him. But since you don't know him you must make up your own mind. YARTEK: I agree, of course. But the key - the final key - do you have it? IAN: Yes. SUSAN: (Disturbed.) Ian... (IAN pulls it out of his pocket.) IAN: I have it here. YARTEK: Throw it down. (IAN throws it to the floor.) YARTEK: Good! Now bring the old man to me. Sabetha will be here and we can enjoy our triumph together! IAN: All right, I will. (He leads SUSAN out of the room. YARTEK throws off the hood and picks up the key. A VOORD emerges from hiding and kneels before him.) VOORD: Shall I follow and destroy them? YARTEK: No. The machine will enslave them now. Bring Sabetha and the young man to me. I want them here when the final key is inserted and my power is absolute! [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. PYRAMID. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE CONSCIENCE ROOM SUSAN: Ian, that man couldn't have been Arbitan. IAN: No. I thought Arbitan sent Altos for the keys. This man said he was a stranger. He never looked at us. I think there was something funny going on there. SUSAN: But then why give him the key? (BARBARA runs up to them.) BARBARA: Ian! [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. PYRAMID. CELL (The DOCTOR is untying ALTOS and SABETHA.) DOCTOR: So when Yarteks gets the final key, his power will be absolute. ALTOS: Yes, with the aid of the machine he could control us all. DOCTOR: And our impulse to leave this planet would be destroyed. (The DOCTOR completes his task.) SABETHA: That is true. (The others arrive and there is a joyful reunion.) BARBARA: Altos! Sabetha! SUSAN: Sabetha! IAN: Altos! DOCTOR: (To IAN.) You heard about Arbtian? IAN: Yes, we met the man who's usurped his place. DOCTOR: Uh ... uh, give me the key and we must have it destroyed. SUSAN: Well Ian gave it to him. SABETHA: What?! DOCTOR: (Horrified.) What? You gave it away? IAN: I gave him a key. Sabetha, you remember that fake key? Barbara found it on the idol. BARBARA: I remember. IAN: That was the key I gave him. (He produces another key.) IAN: This is the genuine key. (The DOCTOR laughs.) DOCTOR: My dear boy! (SABETHA looks shocked.) SABETHA: (Urgently.) We must go, quickly! Leave the building! IAN: Why? ALTOS: Yartek may put that false key into the machine at any moment. If he does it will set the machine in motion, but once it feels the full force of the power it ... it'll break under the strain. IAN: You mean the machine'll blow up? ALTOS: Yes... DOCTOR: (Urgently.) Along that corridor, come on! ALTOS: ...And everything in this building! (The DOCTOR leads them towards the exit.) DOCTOR: Through the moving walls! [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. PYRAMID. PASSAGEWAY (SUSAN and BARBARA are feeling the walls, supervised by the others.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) About where you are, Susan. IAN: (OOV.) What do you mean, 'about'? Don't you know exactly? (The DOCTOR, IAN, ALTOS and SABETHA come into view ... ) DOCTOR: Somewhere here, somewhere here. It was a small stone, it moved under my hand. IAN: Yes. (The others join in the search unaware that the ominous shadow of a VOORD is being cast onto a transparent doorway behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. PYRAMID. CONSCIENCE ROOM (YARTEK looks around as the VOORD enters.) YARTEK: Why haven't you obeyed my commands? Where is Sabetha? VOORD: The others have set them free. They are in the corridor near the cell. YARTEK: She will have told them of her father's death, of course. But it doesn't matter. The machine's power will spread through the planet. There is no escape now, except for us! I will bring them back with this. (He places the fake key into its slot. There is a blinding flash and he and the VOORD stumble back as the Conscience machine explodes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. PYRAMID. PASSAGEWAY (The explosion rocks the corridor just as the travellers manage to get the door open. They dash through the gap as the roof begins to cave in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. BEACH (The DOCTOR emerges from the TARDIS where SUSAN and SABETHA are waiting.) SUSAN: Everything all right, grandfather? DOCTOR: Yes, my child, chase the others up will you? SUSAN: Right. (SUSAN runs off.) DOCTOR: (To SABETHA.) I'm glad to have this moment alone with you Sabetha. I want to speak of your father. You know, he was a very wise and brilliant man and I know how you felt when you learned of his death. SABETHA: (Sadly.) And his life's work destroyed. DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no, no, I wouldn't say that. His work will go on only not quite in the same way. But I don't believe that man was made to be controlled by machines. Machines can make laws but they cannot preserve justice, only human beings can do that. Now I only hope that you'll carry on his good work, please? Goodbye. (SABETHA smiles.) DOCTOR: Bless you, my child. (The DOCTOR enters the TARDIS as SUSAN returns with IAN, BARBARA and ALTOS.) SUSAN: (To ALTOS.) What are you going to do now? ALTOS: Well we might well return to the city of Millennius. (The TARDIS hum starts up.) SABETHA: We still have our travel dials. It's a good place to start. DOCTOR: (OOV: From inside the TARDIS.) Susan! SUSAN: We've got to go now. (Hugging SABETHA.) Goodbye Sabetha. SABETHA: Goodbye Susan. SUSAN: (Hugging ALTOS.) Goodbye Altos. ALTOS: Goodbye Susan. (SUSAN goes into the TARDIS. IAN holds out the final key.) IAN: What shall I do with this key, the one I didn't give to Yartek? ALTOS: Why don't you give it to the Doctor? BARBARA: That's a good idea. IAN: All right, I will. ALTOS: Goodbye Barbara. (They hug.) BARBARA: Goodbye Altos. SABETHA: (Hugging BARBARA.) We shall think of you often. ALTOS: Ian. IAN: Goodbye Altos. Goodbye Sabetha. SABETHA: Goodbye Ian. BARBARA: Take care of her Altos. ALTOS: You may depend on that. (ALTOS and SABETHA hold hands and walk off down the beach.) BARBARA: Oh dear, I shall miss them. IAN: Come on, Barbara. (They too enter the TARDIS and close the door behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. ISLAND (The TARDIS dematerialises from the island and from Marinus itself.)	Plan: A: The TARDIS; Q: What ship arrives on the planet Marinus? A: the planet Marinus; Q: Where does the TARDIS arrive on an island of glass surrounded by a sea of acid? A: The travellers; Q: Who is forced by the elderly Arbitan to retrieve four of the five operating keys to a machine called the Conscience of Marinus? A: the keeper; Q: What is Arbitan's role in the Conscience of Marinus? A: their own sinister purposes; Q: What do the evil Yartek and his Voord warriors plan to use the Conscience of Marinus for? Summary: The TARDIS arrives on the planet Marinus on an island of glass surrounded by a sea of acid. The travellers are forced by the elderly Arbitan to retrieve four of the five operating keys to a machine called the Conscience of Marinus, of which he is the keeper. These have been hidden in different locations around the planet to prevent them falling into the hands of the evil Yartek and his Voord warriors, who plan to seize the machine and use its originally benevolent mind-influencing power for their own sinister purposes.
[Lucas' Room] (Lucas is sleeping in bed. He get up and answers the door when Nathan knocks) NATHAN: Get dressed. LUCAS: Dude, it's six am, what are you doing? NATHAN: We're going running. LUCAS: No, I'm going to bed. NATHAN: I'll just keep knocking. [Nathan and Lucas running] NATHAN: Playoff's are next week. Got to get you ready, man. Workouts, studying game tapes, whatever it takes. LUCAS: Why? NATHAN: Cause I want to win. And I need your help. Besides, you stood up to my dad the other day. I owe you. LUCAS: So listen. There's something that's been bothering me. That thing Dan said, about asking my mom what kind of parent he was. Any idea what he meant? NATHAN: Probably just more of his mind games, man. That's the way he is. [Peyton's Room] (She is standing in front of her web cam. Her dad knocks) LARRY: You descent? PEYTON: Clothing wise. LARRY: Hey, you're back online. PEYTON: Oh, damn, I got dressed in front of that web cam. LARRY: Don't tell me that. (Peyton laughs) I thought you said that thing was evil, anyway. PEYTON: Yeah, well that was before I saw you pulling your duffel bag out of the closet. Were you going to tell me that you're leaving? LARRY: I'm just going down to the keys. Boat leaves Saturday morning, I'll be back in six days. PEYTON: Okay. Five nights to party. LARRY: And no time to talk, so, here comes. Are you comfortable with me seeing Lucas' mom? If it's too weird for you - PEYTON: No, it's not that. I like Karen. LARRY: Something going on with you and Lucas? PEYTON: Not really. It's cool. What if it was too weird for me? You dating Karen. LARRY: You'd just have to get used to it. PEYTON: You do your thing. LARRY: Shut that thing off. (He leaves) [Lucas' House] (Lucas and Karen are sitting at the kitchen table) LUCAS: Hey, mom. The other night I saw Dan, and he said something. KAREN: What now? LUCAS: He said to ask you what really happened back then. Any idea what he meant? KAREN: Who knows. It's Dan. LUCAS: Yeah, but, I don't know. He was talking about what kind of father he was. Was he just messing with me? KAREN: Lucas, you know that I always have your best interest in mind. Since day one. You believe that, right? LUCAS: Yeah. KAREN: Well, um, after you were born, Dan asked to be in your life. LUCAS: You told me he never showed up. That he didn't want anything to do with us. KAREN: He didn't show up at first. But when he moved back to town with Deb he told me that he'd like to help raise you. And he asked for joint custody. I said no. LUCAS: Why? KAREN: I didn't trust him. And Dan was ready to sue until his lawyer told him since he had left me and gotten another girl pregnant his chances weren't good. You know what Dan is like. I had to make a decision. I had to do what was best for you. And I knew that someday we'd be having this conversation but that was a risk I had to take. LUCAS: I've got to go to school. KAREN: Lucas. (he leaves) [Outside School] LUCAS: Hey, Peyton! (Peyton shakes her head and starts to walk away) Come on, can I talk to you? PEYTON: That depends. Are you telling lies or things that aren't true? LUCAS: Okay, I deserve that, but about the other night. PEYTON: Whatever, Luke. Explain it to your friend Nikki. (She walks away with Brooke and they look back at him) [Inside the Gym] (Brooke and Peyton are standing off to the side during practice) BROOKE: So, now that Lucas has out-slutted the both of us, are we back to hoes over bros? PEYTON: Okay, she's talking to me, does that mean she's shopping with me? I was thinking, maybe we could spend a little trial make up time at the mall. BROOKE: You know there may be hope for you yet. (Whitey blows his whistle) WHITEY: Gather around here, come on. Let's move. (The guys run over) Alright listen up. Next week you boys are going to be winning your first playoff game. I however am going to be flat on my back in the hospital. LUCAS: What's going on, Coach? WHITEY: Just a little eye surgery. I've got a paranoid doc who says I can't put it off any longer. And since it's important to me to actually see you guys win states, I've got to miss the first game. NATHAN: Who's going to coach us? WHITEY: Coach McCallum most likely. And if you use this as an excuse to slack off I can promise you there'll be hell to pay. Now hit the showers. LUCAS: You need anything, Coach? WHITEY: Yeah, my youth back. (Lucas walks away with Nathan) LUCAS: So, is McCallum any good? NATHAN: No, JV sucks. This one's going to be up to you and me. [Keith's Apartment] (Lucas knocks on the door and comes in) LUCAS: Keith. KEITH: Hey. Just ordered some pizza. You interested? LUCAS: Sure. Hey listen, I wanted to ask you something about Dan. About how he wanted to share custody. KEITH: Oh, is he spreading that lie again? LUCAS: Keith, mom told me it was true. KEITH: What do you mean? How he called her from college? LUCAS: No, after that. Dan wanted joint custody, I thought you knew that. KEITH: No, I didn't know that. LUCAS: Do you think things would have been different? If mom would have given him a chance? KEITH: You mean like the chance he had with Nathan? LUCAS: Yeah but what was he like back then, anyway? KEITH: What are you thinking? LUCAS: I mean, it's easy to see a guy that never cared. I mean it's easier to hate him that way. Right? KEITH: Well maybe that's why your mom kept it from you. LUCAS: Yeah, I know he's a bad guy, but maybe he's just made some poor choices, and it got out of control. I mean I've been doing that myself. KEITH: Luke, you're not Dan. The man's whole life is poor choices. LUCAS: Yeah, but that's just it. Maybe this is the one that changed him. [Nathan's Apartment] HALEY: You are totally saving my life. Thank you. I've got to get a cable modem. NATHAN: It's cool. I've got to run to practice, anyway. Then I'm going to pick up an extra shift at the mall, try to pay for this cable modem. And after that, I'm working out with Lucas. HALEY: Well who are you and what have you done with my real boyfriend? NATHAN: Well, you said you wanted me to cut the guy some slack. HALEY: You sure it's not also cause it's a way to stick it to Dan? NATHAN: No, that's not what it is. HALEY: Okay. NATHAN: I'm going to stick it to my dad by erasing him from the record book/s, alright? HALEY: Good. NATHAN: I've got to go. (He kisses her forehead ) I'll see you. (He leaves. Haley opens up his laptop) HALEY: English class here I come. [Whitey's Office] (He is using his glasses to look at the playoff schedule. Dan walks in) WHITEY: Dan Scott. They haven't even cut me open yet and you've already smelled the blood. DAN: What's this I hear about you not coaching the playoffs? WHITEY: First game of the playoffs. DAN: And the last if they lose. WHITEY: The teams ready. McCallum will do fine. (Dan laughs) DAN: McCallum, you've got to be kidding me. JV's won what, five games all season? WHITEY: Well, actually 4. That other one was a forfeit. DAN: Exactly my point. Better let me do it. (Whitey laughs) WHITEY: I'm old, Danny, but I'm not senile. DAN: Come on, Whitey, you know I know this team as well as you do. Every game, every player. WHITEY: You ought to. You daddied a half of them. DAN: Okay. Look, I know you don't care much for me, but you do care a lot about this team. WHITEY: I care enough about them to protect them from you. Over my dead body, Danny. DAN: Well if that's the way you want it. WHITEY: Oh, by the way. I'm going to be just fine, thanks for asking. (Dan leaves) [River Court] (Lucas and Nathan are playing basketball. Nathan passes Lucas and makes a shot and Lucas limps away) LUCAS: My legs are dead. NATHAN: Come on, one more game, man, see what you've got. (Lucas shoots and misses) Nice shot, Haley. LUCAS: So did Dan talk about me when you were little? NATHAN: Well, when I was younger I used to hear my parents argue about you. I knew you were out there. And I hated the fact so I hated you. I just thought what my dad wanted me to think. It sounds stupid but it made sense at the time. LUCAS: You know he wanted joint custody of me. That's what he was talking about at the jail. NATHAN: Wow. I didn't see that coming. The one descent thing the guy does and he buries it, huh? LUCAS: So you think if Dan would have gotten his way, you and I might have grown up together? NATHAN: What would that have gotten us? LUCAS: Well we could have teamed up against him. NATHAN: Or we could have killed each other. Trust me, man, you didn't miss out on anything. [Nathan's Apartment] (Haley is working on her paper) HALEY: Until the latter part of his life, Darwin was a naturalist and the author of the book "The Origin of Species" which was published in...(She goes to an internet search and types in Origin. "Original Sin - Hot, Nasty Girls!" comes up. She clicks on his favorites and sees more prn sites listed and she looks disappointed) [Lucas' House] (Keith comes in to the kitchen where Karen is folding clothes) KAREN: Keith, hey. KEITH: Lucas came to see me last night. He had a lot of questions about what you told him. About Dan. And he wasn't the only one. KAREN: You have a right to be upset. KEITH: You're damn straight I have a right to be upset! You want to explain to me how you could keep that from me all these years? I had a right to know Dan wanted custody. KAREN: What would you have done differently? Would you have loved Lucas any less? KEITH: Of course not. But I might have had a different opinion of my brother. KAREN: Oh come on, Keith. Your opinion of Dan is based on more than just his behavior towards Lucas. KEITH: Back then, he told me that he approached you about joint custody, okay? And I called him a liar. And now I find out the person lying was you. KAREN: I was trying to protect Lucas! I was trying to give him the best life possible. I was a kid, Keith. And I was scared. I was scared I was going to lose you too. You and Dan are brothers there was always that chance. KEITH: What, that I'd take his side over yours? KAREN: Well yeah. KEITH: God, Karen, I thought you knew me better than that. (He leaves) [Whitey's Office] (He walks in and Dan is sitting at his desk) DAN: I was just leaving you a note to call me. WHITEY: I thought you had to invite vampires in. I'm all talked out with you. DAN: That may well be but I'm still going to need your playbooks, stats, team rosters, but don't you worry, I've got my own whistle. WHITEY: What the hell are you talking about? DAN: Looks like I'll be coaching that playoff game after all. WHITEY: The hell you will, I told you my decision was final. DAN: So was the athletic committees. And I believe they trump you. We had a little session this afternoon. You really should get yourself a cell phone Whitey. (Dan gets up and takes the playbook) Just what I was looking for. Don't you worry Whitey. The teams in good hands. (he leaves) [Mall] (Peyton and Brooke are walking and pushing Jenny) PEYTON: So I hope you don't mind I had to bring Jenny along. Jake kind of asked last minute. BROOKE: Well it's never to early to learn to accessorize, right? Want to go look at cds? PEYTON: Why? So I can listen to you complain as I check out all the new releases? BROOKE: Well we could go try on lingerie and you can listen to me whine about how fat I am. PEYTON: You're not fat. BROOKE: I know, I just like to hear it. (They stop at a store window and look in) PEYTON: You know, I've really missed this whole girlfriend thing. BROOKE: Of course you have. NIKKI: Well, well, well. (Peyton and Brooke turn around and Nikki is holding Jenny) As a babysitter, apparently you suck. PEYTON: Nikki, what are you doing? NIKKI: Protecting my baby. While you two barbies were getting ready to make out, anybody could have taken her. PEYTON: Put her down. NIKKI: Right, I take orders from you. (She starts to walk away and they follow her) PEYTON: Where are you going?! NIKKI: Shopping with my daughter. BROOKE: I don't think so. NIKKI: Yeah, I see you stopping me. BROOKE: Nikki! PEYTON: Go get security, okay? (Brooke leaves and Peyton follows Nikki through the crowd) Nikki. Nikki! Where is my phone? Damn it! Where is my phone? (She looks up and Nikki is walking into a video store) Nikki! (Peyton walks back to a cell phone stand and grabs one of the phones on display) Hi, can I use this? MAN: Sure. PEYTON: Thank you. (She dials) Karen, hey, it's Peyton, is Jake there? No, he can't call me back, I'm - well where is he? (She looks around and doesn't seem them anywhere) BROOKE: Peyton. Where is she? PEYTON: I lost her in the crowd. This isn't happening. (A security guard is with Brooke) GUARD: Police are on their way, miss, security's been notified. If she's still here we'll find her. PEYTON: What if she's already gone? What are we going to do? BROOKE: It's okay, come here. (She hugs her) [Nathan's Apartment] (Haley still has the Original Sin website up. Nathan and Lucas walk in) NATHAN: Hey, Hales. (She looks angry) Check it out, an entire afternoon together and no one threw a punch. LUCAS: You okay? HALEY: Can I talk to Nathan alone please? LUCAS: Yeah sure. Catch you guys later. (He leaves) NATHAN: What's up. HALEY: I was just doing some research on the internet and I found what my boyfriend's been studying. (She turns the computer to face him) NATHAN: This is, I just stumbled upon this, so, it's no big deal. (He closes it) HALEY: What about the half a dozen other sites that you stumbled upon and book marked? It's hard enough for me that I have to compete with the girls at school that just give it away, now I've got to be a prn star? NATHAN: Haley, look, you're over reacting. HALEY: No, I really don't think that I am. This hurts me, Nathan. NATHAN: Why? Haley these girls aren't real. And plus, I'm a guy. Guys look at this stuff. HALEY: Well don't be a guy, Nathan, be a man. You know, I'm not a prude, and I think you know that. But the thought that this is what I'm going to be compared to? NATHAN: So that's what this is? You're worried I'm going to compare you to them when we- HALEY: Yes! I'm afraid that's part of it. Nathan it's hard enough for me to even think about being naked in front of you. And the thought that this is the standard I'm going to be held to? Forget it. NATHAN: Haley. (She leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [Mall] (Jake comes up to the security station) JAKE: Peyton. Have they found her? PEYTON: Not yet. God, Jake, I am so, so sorry, okay? We only looked away for like two seconds. JAKE: You cannot do that! GUARD: You just need to calm down, sir, we have officers combing the mall. JAKE: Oh, calm down, take it easy? What do you think - NIKKI: Hey. What's going on? JAKE: What the hell are you doing, Nikki? NIKKI: I took Jenny shopping then we rode on the carousel. What? What's the big deal? PEYTON: You stole her out of her stroller! NIKKI: No I didn't. I picked her up because you two weren't watching her and then I told you I was taking her shopping. Besides she's my daughter, not yours. GUARD: Is that true? JAKE: Well, yes, but- GUARD: Which one of you has custody? JAKE: Okay, look, she took off as soon as the baby was born. GUARD: As long as this isn't a custody matter I'd advice you kids to keep your family stuff at home okay? You can call off the dogs. JAKE: You are unbelievable, you know that? NIKKI: Hey, if you'd let me see her once and a while. JAKE: That's not going to happen, not after this. NIKKI: You think I'm such a bad mother? You've made some pretty bad decisions when it concerns Jenny. I'm not sure I can trust you with her. JAKE: Nikki. NIKKI: I'm going to get custody, Jake. She's better off with me. I'll see you soon, bunny! Yes! (She puts Jenny down and leaves) PEYTON: Jake. (Jake walks away) [Karen's Café] (Dan walks in) DAN: Haven't worn out your welcome yet? DEB: No, in fact Karen made me her partner. DAN: I hope you mean in the business. You said you had something for me. DEB: Yeah, you left this on the bedroom floor the other night. (She slides his watch over to him) DAN: What makes you think I didn't leave it there as payment? KAREN: Excuse me, Deb. Dan, may I have a word with you? (They walk off) Is it just sport? This need to agitate Lucas any chance you get. Why on earth would you tell him that you wanted custody? DAN: I'm not the devil, Karen. I'm tired of being blamed for everything. KAREN: Not everything. Just your due. You suggest to me that I abort my child and then one day you grow this tiny sliver of conscience that has long since disappeared and you expect a metal for that? DAN: No I expect you to be held as accountable as I have to be. You're the one who kept the truth from him. KAREN: This is not about accountability. You don't regret missing out on Lucas' life, you hate the fact that I beat you. And you're punishing him because some lawyer told you years ago that you could never win this one and that is pathetic, Dan! So do me a favor, just stay away from him. DAN: I can't do that. I'm his coach. KAREN: What are you talking about? DAN: Whitey's off in surgery, I volunteered to step in and help. KAREN: You just can't let this one go, can you? DAN: Well it beats lying about it. KAREN: Listen to me, Dan. If you use this coaching job to hurt my son, I don't care who on that school board you sold cars to, I will bury you. DAN: You shouldn't baby the kid, Karen. The boy needs to learn to fight his own battles. KAREN: Is that why Nathan left you? [Peyton's Room] (She is on the bed drawing with her head phones on. Haley stands in the doorway knocking and trying to get her attention) HALEY: Peyton. Hello!? PEYTON: Oh, hey. Sorry I didn't hear you. HALEY: It's okay. You alright? PEYTON: Not really. I screwed up pretty bad with Jenny yesterday. HALEY: Sorry. Is she okay? PEYTON: Yeah, yeah she's fine. It just potentially could have been so bad. I'm an idiot. What's going on? HALEY: Oh, nothing, I was going to dump my problems on you but you've got enough to worry about. PEYTON: No, it's cool. What's up? HALEY: Okay, um, I was over at Nathan's and I was on his computer, and I came across all this creepy prn. PEYTON: How creepy? Like she-male midgets? HALEY: No, like, Pamela Anderson wannabes. And, I'm right to be bothered by this, right? I mean you would be bothered by this if you guys were still together. PEYTON: Well, not really. But our relationship was nothing like yours. HALEY: Because you were having sx. PEYTON: No! Because I was never in love with Nathan the way you are. HALEY: You know, he says he's totally cool with waiting until I'm ready, but if he's filling up with cyber-sex in the mean time, I'm not going to measure up to that. PEYTON: Haley. But you don't have to compete with anything. You've got something they don't. You've got his heart, too. [Weight Room] (Lucas is benching and Nathan is spotting) NATHAN: I heard it only took my dad 15 minutes to BS the athletic committee. We're so screwed, man. LUCAS: Only if we let him get to us. (Lucas stops gets up) So, you going to tell me what happened with Haley? I called her last night and she wouldn't pick up. NATHAN: Let's just say she found out I was looking at some websites that don't exactly make me boyfriend of the year. Alright, not that it's any of your business, but um, Haley and I, we're not, I mean she's not, you know, so, I'm just trying not to pressure her that's all. (Nathan starts to bench) LUCAS: Yeah, sure. p0rn freak. (Nathan laughs) NATHAN: What? Shut up, dude. LUCAS: Just stay away from the sites with farm animals, alright? (Nathan laughs and starts to drop the bar) NATHAN: Oh man. What are you talking about. (Dan and Whitey walk to the door and watch them through the window) WHITEY: Most fathers would be touched by that scene. But I'm guessing it's your worst nightmare. Coach. (He walks away) [Lucas' Room] KAREN: Luke, can I talk to you? I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have lied to you about Dan. LUCAS: No you shouldn't have. KAREN: And I understand if you're upset. LUCAS: I don't think you do. I just can't turn it off. All these years I was sure I should hate him, because he didn't want me. I guess I'm mad at you, for making me question that now. I'm not sure I should hate him. I'm not even sure I know him. KAREN: Do you want to? LUCAS: You loved him once, mom. Was there ever something there? Was he ever a good person? KAREN: Once upon a time. He was. But he hasn't been that person for a long time. [Gym] (The guys are doing footwork while Dan blows the whistles to change their directions) DAN: Hold your position. Where's Jagielski? TIM: Sometimes coach lets him miss practice because of his baby. DAN: Sounds like Whitey. There'll be no more special treatment for anyone, understood? Now this ball control offense Whitey's running is out. From now on it's run and gun. Players make plays. TIM: But we're undefeated and we're going to playoffs. DAN: By the way, you're benched. Anyone else? Good. (Whistle: They are doing push ups) NATHAN: Is this bad for your shoulder? LUCAS: Probably. DAN: Alright, free throws. Make ten in a row, miss one, grab a weight plate and run and start over. Let's go. (Nathan shoots and makes it) Bend your knees, Nathan. NATHAN: I just made it, didn't I? DAN: Hey. Whitey let you mouth off like that? Bend your knees. (He shoots and misses) Grab a weight plate. Next. (Lucas misses) Go join your new pal. Next. (They are running sprints) DAN: Sprints, not runs! (Lucas is trailing behind) Lucas, keep moving! Let's go, let's go. (Lucas is bending over at midfield. LUCAS: I'm still a little weak from the accident. DAN: You're a little weak all right. (Lucas throws up) NATHAN: Oh, dad! DAN: Coach. Now get a mop, clean that up. Let's go, quit slacking, let's go. [Haley's Room] (She is reading on the bed and Lucas lies down) HALEY: What happened to you? LUCAS: First practice with Dan. HALEY: That brutal, huh? LUCAS: Uh huh. Especially for Nathan. Poor guy. HALEY: You're concerned about Nathan? LUCAS: Well yeah. I saw first hand today how horrible it is with him and Dan. He needs you, Hales. Maybe you should cut him a break on this whole internet thing. HALEY: He told you about that? LUCAS: Yeah. I know, it's weird, right? But we're talking more now, and, at least he's not cheating on you. HALEY: Ha! He's looking at plastic bimbos. LUCAS: Hey, it could be worse. Did you ever think that maybe all this is just helping him so he can give you space, so he doesn't have to hassle you about sx? HALEY: He shouldn't need help giving me space, he should be better than that. Especially if he loves me. And I cannot believe that you're defending him, whose protecting my heart in this, Luke? LUCAS: Okay, okay, I didn't say it was okay. Alright? I'm just saying, after what I saw in the gym today, man, the guy just needs a little support. [Jake's House] (Peyton knocks on his door and he comes outside) PEYTON: Jake, I feel so horrible, you have every right to be mad at me. JAKE: I'm mad at Nikki, okay? You I'm just, I'm just disappointed in. PEYTON: It was two seconds. JAKE: A lot happened in those two seconds. I just got off the phone with the legal aid attorney and she said that Jenny's fair game and if it goes to court, that the judge usually decides with the birth mother. PEYTON: Even if you can prove what a horrible person she is? JAKE: You saw how she played that cop in the mall. She's going to do the same thing to a judge in court. What if she wins, Peyton? I could lose Jenny. PEYTON: I'm so sorry. JAKE: I've got to get out of here. PEYTON: Where would you go? JAKE: I have a cousin in Savannah. Maybe? PEYTON: Won't that just make things worse? JAKE: If Nikki comes after Jenny, this lawyer said it could end up costing me a fortune to fight her. And my parents, they're already struggling as it is. This would wipe them out, I can't do that to them. The only thing that I know for sure is that if I stay here, I'm screwed. [Nathan's Apartment] (Haley is back on the internet doing her English paper) HALEY: Where did I put that picture of Darwin? (She opens up the pictures and sees 6 pictures labeled "Peyton" from her web cam. The first is Peyton sitting on her bed. Then a few of her with a towel on. Nathan walks in.) NATHAN: Hey. HALEY: You, um, said they weren't real people. NATHAN: Haley, what are you doing? HALEY: I'm a real person. I have feelings, I have problems, I feel vulnerable, and self-conscious and I'm just like every other person. NATHAN: I know that. HALEY: Well what happened to sx just being magical, and being this amazing expression of how much you love someone? These cyber girls, they're just like triple jointed and waxed, and always turned on, and it's just a lie. NATHAN: I understand that. It's just a fantasy. HALEY: Is Peyton a fantasy, too? (He closes the lap top. Haley nods and starts to leave) NATHAN: You know, it'd be nice if a guy could have a little privacy in his own apartment. HALEY: I can't be Peyton for you. I can't be those girls. I just, I won't. NATHAN: I don't want you to be. HALEY: Are you sure about that? Because - (She takes his hand and kisses it) I gave you my heart. That's all that I can give to you. And if that's not enough for you, then I'm not enough for you. (She leaves) [Jake's House] PEYTON: So can I ask you a question? Were you serious about getting out? JAKE: Yeah. PEYTON: (To Jenny) I'm sure going to miss you. I've got a way for you to leave but you've got to go in the morning. JAKE: Whoa, whoa, slow down. What are you talking about? PEYTON: My dad's transport is leaving for the keys. Did you ask your cousin about staying with him? JAKE: Yeah, but he's in Savannah. PEYTON: Well my dad docks near there and a couple of other places on the way. Look, if you take your car Nikki can follow you, but this way- I don't want you to go, Jake. But if you think it's the best thing for Jenny. JAKE: I was thinking about how crushed my parents would be if I left. But Nikki. I mean she's been so bad to my world, already. And not just to me but to you and to Lucas and Brooke. If I stay, she'll win custody, Peyton. I can't have that. PEYTON: The boat leaves in the morning. JAKE: And your dad's cool with this? PEYTON: I'll just tell him you're visiting relatives. He's a father too, Jake, he'd do anything for his daughter. Just like you. JAKE: What do you think, Jenny? PEYTON: I'll be there in the morning either way. [Karen's Café] MAILMAN: Package for Deborah Scott? DEB: I'm Deb. Thanks. (She signs and opens the envelope) KAREN: Is it bad news? DEB: Our divorce papers. Once they're signed and filed it will all be over. KAREN: That's what you wanted, isn't it? DEB: Yeah, I'm just surprised. I never expected to feel sad. [Gym] (Lucas and Nathan are running sprints together. Dan comes and stands in front of them and they stop) [Deb's House] (She signs the papers and is crying) [The docks] (Jake is walking towards the boat with Jenny and stops by Peyton) PEYTON: Hey. I was kind of hoping you wouldn't show. Jenny you be good, okay? Take care of your dad. JAKE: Peyton PEYTON: Look, don't say anything. You guys just be safe. (She kisses him and he hugs her. He walks away and gets on the boat) [Peyton's Room] (She is lying on her bed. Lucas comes in behind her) LUCAS: Hey. You okay? PEYTON: I've got some stuff going on. LUCAS: I know. Look I just wanted to apologize, again, for not being a better person lately. I'm trying, Peyton. I don't know what else to say. PEYTON: It's not about what you say, Luke. It's about what you do. You don't like the person you've become? Then do something about it, cause no one's going to do it for you. LUCAS: I know. That's why I came by. I'm going to be making a few changes. And I just wanted to see you before I do. I'll be seeing you, Peyton. (He leaves) [Keith's Apartment] (Karen comes in while he's packing) KAREN: Hi. KEITH: Hi. KAREN: I didn't want this. KEITH: What's that? KAREN: This. You're moving away. You're upset with me. KEITH: Well neither of us wanted it, but somehow here we are. KAREN: Did I trap you? Did I lead you on and trick you into loving Lucas? KEITH: No and you didn't trick me into loving you either. But that's what happened. KAREN: And the fact that I lied about Dan's intentions, does that change all that? KEITH: It colors it differently, yeah. KAREN: How? Because no matter what I said back then, Dan would have been the same reprehensible person he's become. And you still would have been there for Lucas and me. KEITH: And what for? So I could end up pushing 40's still living in a bachelor apartment? Don't you see, Karen? You got what you needed and so did Lucas. But what about me? I never said this before. But I will now. I stood by you, and I stood by Lucas, and I'm glad I did that. I just can't help but think, why? What do I get out of it? KAREN: You get a boy who loves you. (Lucas knocks and comes in) LUCAS: I'm sorry to interrupt but we need to talk. KAREN: Okay, what's up? LUCAS: Look, I know you did your best, mom. If you hadn't kept Dan away, Keith and I probably wouldn't have been so close. And I would have hated to miss that. So I understand now why you had to keep that secret to yourself. You just needed to find yourself on your own, right? KAREN: Yes. LUCAS: Well that's what I want, too. To start over. I mean, that's what you did when you shut Dan out. That's what you're doing by leaving town. KEITH: What do you mean, start over? LUCAS: I mean get away. Away from Dan. Away from this place. And away from all the mistakes I've been making. I want to go with Keith, mom. I want to leave Tree Hill.	Plan: A: Dan; Q: Who becomes the temporary coach of the basketball team when Whitey has eye surgery? A: a good idea; Q: What does no one else think of Dan becoming the basketball coach? A: Haley; Q: Who finds objectional material on Nathan's laptop? A: Nathan; Q: Who realizes that he is pressuring Haley for sex in ways he doesn't even know? A: Jenny; Q: Who did Nikki kidnap? A: Jake; Q: Who is upset and worried about Jenny? A: Lucas; Q: Who takes on a complicated decision? A: their relationship; Q: What are Keith and Karen at odds in? A: the divorce papers; Q: What does Dan finally give Deb? A: AFI; Q: What band is the episode named after? Summary: Dan becomes temporary coach of the basketball team when Whitey has to have eye surgery; no one else thinks this is a good idea. Haley finds objectional material on Nathan's laptop and gets offended. Peyton and Brooke are to blame for Nikki kidnapping Jenny and Jake gets upset - and worried. Lucas takes on a complicated decision. Nathan realizes that he is pressuring Haley for sex in ways he doesn't even know. Keith and Karen are at odds in their relationship. Dan finally gives Deb the divorce papers. This episode is named after a song by AFI .
Salvatore's house. Damon is smiling while taking a shower. Elana is training with a punching-ball. Alaric comes. ALARIC: Hey you're gonna hole that thing. You want to talk about it? ELENA: Nothing to talk about. Damon get out of the bathroom, whistling. Stefan is waiting for him. DAMON: Good morning. STEFAN: You're late. We were supposed to met Bonnie at the witch house in ten minutes. DAMON: Relax, brother. Your hair won't fall out. STEFAN: Would you hurry up? We have work to do. You know, Klaus isn't gonna easily self-destructif. Why are you all cheaper? DAMON: No reason. Give me a minute. Elena is still training with Alaric. ALARIC: So, what's get you worked up? ELENA: I haven't rallye sleep last night. ALARIC: Yeah, me neither. Probably something to do with dying. ELENA: You're okay? ALARIC: Yeah I'm fine. I think the ring has no longer batteries. ELENA: Yeah, it's annoter reason why Jeremy has to get out of the town. Those ring have a short last, he is not protected, neither are you. ALARIC: Nice, nice, you're getting stronger. ELENA: I just evacuate frustration. I need a coffee. ALARIC: Seems Damon's compulsion worked, Jeremy was packing when I left the house, going on about his new school in Denver. ELENA: Have you talk to Damon today? ALARIC: No. Why? ELENA: No reason. The witch house. Bonnie is breaking a spell, talking in latin. She tries to apen the coffin, but it's still locked down. BONNIE: Why won't you open?! The coffins disappear. She hears grinding, there's someone else in the house. BONNIE: Hello? Someone there? Outside the house, Damon and Stefan are coming. STEFAN: You didn't say anything to Elena about the coffins, right? DAMON: No, I said I wouldn't. STEFAN: I know what you said. DAMON: Why are you asking? STEFAN: Because protecting the location of Klaus's family is my number one priority right now. And the fewer people will know, the better. What? Bonnie sees Damon in the house. A hybrid get out of the house and fall on Stefan. Then Damon rip his heart off. DAMON: This hybrids, they are bringing the neighboorhood down. Opening titles. Mystic fall's high school. Elena is preparing the Caroline's locker for her birthday. BONNIE: Hey, sorry I'm late, I... I'd held up. ELENA: It's okay. I just got here too. Could you pass me the balloons? Thank's. Why are you running late? BONNIE: I was working on some new spells. You? ELENA: Working with Alaric. So, I have something I need to tell you, and you're not gonna like it. BONNIE: What happenned? ELENA: Jeremy is gonna be living town for a while. He will stay with old family friend in Denver, until Klaus will blow over. BONNIE: Jeremy world just leave you deal with Klaus on your own. ELENA: I know, I asked Damon to compel him. BONNIE: You what? ELENA: I know, Bonnie. But it's not safe here for him anymore. Leaving will give him a better life. The only reason I'm telling you is because I know that you two haven't really walked out on your stuff. And I thought maybe you'd wanna say goodbye. Witch house. Damon is hitting the coffin with a shovel. STEFAN: You're wasting your time. It won't open. Did you bury the body? DAMON: Any sign of our little hybrid buddies? STEFAN: Nope, just the dead one. DAMON: Alright, Klaus has 6 siblings. Rebekah is now with Klaus. There was one dead kid in the old world, one dead kid in the new world, which leaves Elijah and two others. Three sleeping originals, four coffins. So who is in the locked box? STEFAN: No idea. But whatever is in here, Bonnia seems to think that it will help us kill Klaus. So the sooner she can get this open, the sooner we will know if she's right. DAMON: Oh you think, spirits from a band of dead witches that can make the coffins invisible wouldn't figure out how to open one. Fine, don't help. STEFAN: You know that none of this is gonna do any good if Klaus's hybrid friend find our hidding place, right? They need to go away. DAMON: Oh yeah, great idea Stefan. Why don't you ask them just to pack their bag and take a long rest while we are on it. How about to keep the peace? Don't attend to the real thing we are trying to hide. STEFAN: Well I'm not gonna play defence when I have what Klaus wants. He does what I say or I dumb his family to the bottom of the ocean. DAMON: And he kills you and everyone you know like, I don't know... me! STEFAN: No, he is bluffing. His family means more than anything else. DAMON: You're sure about that? STEFAN: Well I don't know Damon. I mean, I guess there's only one way to find out, right? Klaus bluffs. DAMON: The only way to know if someone bluffs, Stefan, is to be ready to loose everything if you're wrong. Mystic falls's high school. BONNIE: Denver, hum? So, were you going to say goodbye? JEREMY: I wasn't sur you cared. BONNIE: Of course I care. I was hurt by what happenned between you and Anna, Jeremy. I don't want you to leave town. JEREMY: I think this could be a good thing. Until Klaus's stuff blows over. I think I could have a better life there. BONNIE: It's what Elena said. It's exactly what she said. JEREMY: What do you mean? BONNIE: Nothing. I'm just sorry you have to go, that's all. On the parking, Caroline parks her car and sees Tyler. CAROLINE: I can't talk to you. TYLER: I know you're upset but... CAROLINE:? Upset? You almost got Jeremy killed! And before you ask me to understand or to support you, can you at least tell me what you're planning to do about your attachment on Klaus? TYLER: There is nothing that I can do about it Caroline, That's the point. I just want you to know that I understand why you can't be with me. Even if I want to put you first, before anyone, I can't, I'll never be able to. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just want you to know that. CAROLINE: I'm sorry too. He gives her a bracelet. TYLER: Happy birthday. Klaus's property. KLAUS: Sweet dreams Rebekah. Show her to her room, would you, love? HYBRID: Sure. KLAUS: I'm surprise you're still in town. I gave you your freedom, you could go anywhere. STEFAN: I live here Klaus. KLAUS: Well if we're playing this game, then, I was here first. STEFAN: You know, I don't like your hybrids friends. They are everywhere, kind of like flies. I want them gone. KLAUS: Yeah, well I kind of like having them around. You know, I'm hurt. I hoped that when I free you, we pick where we left off. But here you are, engulfing vervaine like the rest of them, I'm sure. So, how much for friendship. STEFAN: Friends don't screw friends from their free will. KLAUS: Okay, granted, that was a little extreme, but I get a little moody. Just ask my siblings. Speaking of whom, isn't time to get over? STEFAN: Klaus, get your hybrids out of Mystic falls or I will remove them myself. KLAUS: You see, if you continue to threat me, I'm gonna be forced to retaliate. Kill people. And it will get messy again. STEFAN: Do whatever you want, I don't really care. Or you know what? Maybe I do. Maybe I care so much, that I'll drop Elijah in the Arctic. KLAUS: Well, maybe I'll be willing to loose one brother if it means killing yours. STEFAN: Try me, let's find out. HYBRID: Is everything ok? KLAUS: Everything is fine, Mindy. Stefan was just leaving after failing to make his point. Stefan decapitates Mindy. STEFAN: Well, one down. You may want send the rest of them away before it gets messy, again. Caroline's home. Caroline jumps when Elena, Bonnie and Matt arise. MATT: Happy birthday! CAROLINE: What are you guys doing here? ELENA: Well you blew of school and miss our work of birthday art, so... BONNIE: Change your clothes, we are going to the falls. Smores, camp fire. ELENA: Cake, like when we were little. MATT: Except for the tequila! CAROLINE: Thanks, guys. Really, but, I just no feeling my birthday this year. BONNIE: I'm sorry, what? You already claimed your birthday as everyone's favorite day of the year. CAROLINE: Yeah, and now, it's just reminded that technically, I'm dead. Look, I'm not even 17. And the only point to 17 is to get to 18, it's a failure year, I'm stuck in a failure year. ELENA: You're not stuck Caroline. CAROLINE: Yeah I am, but it's okay. It's all good, I will be fine. But I just need some time to get used to it. ELENA: Okay, well I think I have another idea. Klaus's property. HYBRID: What do you want me to do with her head? KLAUS: Just get rid of it. Burn it. I honestly don't care Daniel. TYLER: You called? I'm here. What happenned? KLAUS: What happenned is Stefan had two possibilities and he chose the one that make me angry. I need you to help me to do something about that. TYLER: Can't you just leave me out of it? KLAUS: What would be the point of that? TYLER: Seriously man, can't you just ask another hybrid to do the work? I lost my friends, my girl-friend. KLAUS: Right, your girl-friend, about her, I need you to bite her. TYLER: What? KLAUS: Don't make me repeat myself. TYLER: A hybrid bite would kill a vampire. KLAUS: Yeah, I know exactly what it will do. Stefan push me too far so I'm pushing back. TYLER: I'm not bitting Caroline. KLAUS: Tyler, you've been supernaturaly blessed for the good fortune I've onto you. So consider me to putting your loyalty to a test. TYLER: What the hell is wrong with you? I'm not hurting Caroline. KLAUS: Alright. I'm disappointed but you know, it's your choice, free will and all that. I'll find another way to strike on Stefan. You can go now. Damon and Alaric are going to a council metting disguisded in an auction sale. ALARIC: I thought Stefan saved your life. DAMON: I did. ALARIC: And now he is ready to risk it just to see how far he can push Klaus? DAMON: It seems so. ALARIC: So his humaity are on or off? DAMON: I think there is another option playing, a demur switch, which is a huge problem. ALARIC: Why? DAMON: Because I can't predict how far he wanted to going until someone gets killed. ALARIC: So you suddenly cares who lives oy dies? DAMON: I have a small list. ALARIC: Talk about humanity demur switch. DAMON: Screw you. ALARIC: Can't a council meeting just be a council meeting? Caroline, Elena, Bonnie and Matt enter a tomb. ELENA: So it is. BONNIE: This is creepy, even for us. ELENA: No, Caroline was right., technicaly, she is dead. Sorry. But you don't need a birthday, you need a funeral. You need to say goodbye to your old life so then you can move on with your new one. CAROLINE: Okay, here lies Caroline Forbes. ELENA: Cheerleader, Miss Mystic Falls, third grade hopscotch champion. BONNIE: Friend, daughter, perfectionnist. MATT: Meangirl, sometimes, no offense. CAROLINE: Ah, no taken. ELENA: She was 17, and qhe had a really good life. So rest in peace, so that she can move forward. That's what you really need. What we all really need. Amen, or cheers or whatever. Hum, Bonnie? (Bonnie lights the candles with her mind.) ELENA: Nice. Okay, make a wish. Alaric is looking at a model of the bridge. DAMON: It's the bridge where Elena and Jeremy's parents died on a car accident. ALARIC: Something is up with her. Elena. Something more than usual. You know what it is? DAMON: Well I'm sure it starts with a "Stef" and ends with a "n". I'm gonna get a drink, write a check and then we're out. (Dr.Fell arrives) DR.FELL: Alaric Saltzman. Miracal patient. ALARIC: Dr. Fell. DR.FELL: I'm glad to see you still alive. A part of me thought you would have drop dead in your sleep. ALARIC: Well I guess I have nine lifes. DR.FELL: Not bad to having in a town with vampire problem. ALARIC: Sorry? Are you on the founders council? DR.FELL: I'm a found, I come from a long lign of founders. May they rest in peace. I hate that bridge. My senior prom date dumbed me on this bridge. ALARIC: Oh yeah, you threw him over? DR.FELL: No, but I should have. I've been holding a rage ever since. Where did your friend go? I'm supposed to held him up for some money for the fundraiser. ALARIC: Well you should, he is loaded. DR.FELL: He is in good company. Some British guy just plegde to match every dollar we raised. ALARIC: What do you mean a British guy? Klaus is talking with Carol Lockwood. KLAUS: What colour are your eyes? CAROl: They are blue. KLAUS: Oh yes, they are. DAMON: Look at what the cat drag down. Nice veste. KLAUS: Thank you very much, good to see you Damon. Carol and I were discusting about were you be a big benefactor. CAROL: What do you say Damon? Klaus has made a very generous pledge. You know how we drummed on the beat to start the renovation. DAMON: Carol, don't take it in the wrong way, but do you realize that you've been kissing the ass of an immoral hybrid who ruined your son's life? KLAUS: Oh, it comes now. Some has said that I saved him from all that nasty full moon business. I'd already come through myself more than twice to be honest but still, I'm very sympathetic. CAROL: Klaus has promised to protect Tyler, Damon. And our town. DAMON: From who? His hybrids are the one the town needs protection from. KLAUS: I'd have no use for them if your brother would kindly return my family. DAMON: Not gonna happen. KLAUS: That's what I thought, which is why I've come to an agreement with the maire. You and the council stay out of my way, I stay out of yours. Your town gets protected, my hybrids get left alone and everybody will be happy. All you have to do is to get Stefan to stop decapitating my friends. CAROL: Please Damon, just get your brother under control or the council will be forced to take actions against him. DAMON: You guy would be kidding me. KLAUS: Oh come on mate, give peace a chance. On the tomb. ELENA: I need it more than you do, trust me. Caroline, what are you doing? CAROLINE: What? Nothing. ELENA: Okay, you're a bad sobber liar, and even worse drunk liar. CAROLINE: I might texted Tyler. ELENA: Caroline... CAROLINE: What? I'm frail. BONNIE: Give her a break. You can't control what everyone does all the time. ELENA: Wow. BONNIE: Sorry, I know it's Caroline birthday, funeral or whatever but, I just feel it's really wrong to compel Jeremy to leave town. ELENA: I'm doing it to protect him, Bonnie. I want to give him a chance to have a quiet normal life. BONNIE: He should be able to choose how he wants to live it, you're taking his choices away. ELENA: Bonnie, you can't tell him. BONNIE: Why? Are you gonna compel me not to? MATT: You know, you guys are ruining a perfect funeral. BONNIE: I'm sorry. I just go sleep it off or something. Happy birthday. The sheriff and Damon walk through the party. LIZ: The maire is looking out for Tyler. For now we have to assume Klaus had him in his pocket. DAMON: Oh please don't tell me you're gonna drink the Klaus cool Eden. LIZ: I'm not gonna let him hold this town hostage. But I'm also not gonna let innocent people get caught in a cross fire in a piss contest between a hybrid and a vampire. DAMON: Liz, I'm impressed, you're all strong and sheriffy. LIZ: I'm not kidding Damon. Get Stefan to stand down from this one before someone gets hurt. Dr.Fell is with a man, a little further. MAN: What are you doing? You're gonna ruining your career. DR.FELL: Says the guy who got his jod from his dad. MAN: Do you have any idea what you're dealing with? DR.FELL: I know what I'm doing. MAN: Damn it Meredith. MEREDITH: Back off, Brian. ALARIC: Everything all right here? BRIAN: Everything is fine. ALARIC: Didn't look fine. BRIAN: You might want to get to know her, before you become her white knight. She's a kind of a psycho case. ALARIC: You're that guy, aren't you? The one who beg to have a stick kick then. BRIAN: Take it from me man, life is too short. MEREDITH: Just go away, Brian. My senior prom date. ALARIC: Well you definitly should have throw him over the bridge. MEREDITH: Unfortunatly, I have to work with him. He is on the council, the medical examiner. The guy who write under death cause "animal attack". ALARIC: I get it. MEREDITH: Duty calls. Thanks for the hero moment. ALARIC: Anytime. [SCENE_BREAK] Stefan discreetly catch a long knife. The hybrid Daniel go in a room upstairs and close the door. Stefan arrives and disembowels him. Damon stops him when he is about to decapitate the hybrid. STEFAN: What are you doing? DAMON: What are you doing? No dead hybrids at a founders party. STEFAN: No I told Klaus get hybrids out of the town, he did listen so I'm gonna say it louder. DAMON: You don't think that 10 more will then come from. And if you kill them, Klaus won't make 20 more? You forgot about the Elena's part of novel? Or you not care if she is a human blood bag for the rest of her life. STEFAN: Protecting Elena is your problem now. Cause I'm not compeled by Klaus to do it anymore. DAMON: Don't give me that no-humanity crap, you can't just switch. Your switch is grilled Stefan, just like your brain. You want to take Klaus? You want to be the villain? You got to be smarter. STEFAN: To be the villain Damon, you have to be the better villain. At the tomb. Tyler arrives. TYLER: Sorry, I didn't mean to smash the party. MATT: So don't. CAROLINE: No, it's, it's okay. TYLER: Can I talk to you for a sec? It's kind of important. ELENA: Are you okay? MATT: Yeah, I want her to be happy you know. It's what I want for all of you guys, in the middle of this crazy life we gotta stuck in. ELENA: Is that how you see it? That we are stuck? Bonnie is right, you know I had no business messing onto Jeremy's head. I just don't know what else to do. He is in danger here. I can't loose anyone else that I love. Outside the tomb, in the wood. TYLER: I take it all back. Everything I said this morning. Klaus can't control me. No when it comes to you. I won't let him. CAROLINE: Tyler, it's okay. Maybe we just meant to be together. Maybe we just have to accept that and move on. TYLER: I'm not moving on from anything. I love you. CAROLINE: What? They kiss and Tyler bites her then. CAROLINE: What just happenned? Did you just bite me? TYLER: Oh my god. I'm sorry. CAROLINE: Oh my god! Just get away from me! Get away from me! Matt and Elena are looking for them in the wood. MATT: Caroline! ELENA: Great; we've been abandoned. Okay we're going back to the party, I don't trust them, she could get back together with him. MATT: Caroline! ELENA: Come on Caroline we don't have anymore drinks! Matty is afraid about the fell ghosts. Stefan comes, hits Matt and kidnaps Elena. In the Stefan's car. ELENA: What are you doing Stefan? Elena's phone rings. Stefan answers. STEFAN: Hello Damon, she is a little busy right now. DAMON: Why the hell have you the Elena's phone? STEFAN: I'm making my next move. Let me ask you something. What klaus is gonna do if he can't make anymore hybrids? ELENA: What? DAMON: Stefan, leave her out of this. Stefan throws the phone throughout the window. ELENA: What are you doing? Stefan let me out of this car. Do you hear me? Let me out of the car! At the party. KLAUS: What now? You just put me away from a fascinating conversation about man to get in the time square. DAMON: Stefan just grabbed Elena. KLAUS: Well, he's getting desperate. DAMON: He's trying to use her against you. Do what he says, get rid of your hybrids. KLAUS: Or what? Stefan would never dream of killing her. DAMON: You're sure about that? He just behead someone in the middle of a council party. He is exploiting on crazy right now. KLAUS: Wel, crazy or not, that kind of love never dies. He is bluffing. DAMON: Maybe he is, may be he isn't but if you don't want to believe him, believe me. I know my brother better than anyone and right now I don't have a clue how far he is willing to take this. So if he says blink, I suggest you blink. At the Forbes's house. Matt is taking Caroline home, holding her in his arms. MATT: Sheriff Forbes! LIZ: What happenned? MATT: Tyler bit her. LIZ: Oh my god, sweet heart. Be careful. Caroline, honey, can you hear me? CAROLINE: I'm sorry mom. MATT: She gets hallucinating or something, I don't know. No one's picking up the phone. LIZ: It's alright sweet heart. In Stefan's car. ELENA: So what's the plan, Stefan? What's the big move you're making? STEFAN: I took Klaus's family to make him suffer. I'm gonna make him suffer a new one. ELENA: So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna lock me in some cave and keep me hostage? STEFAN: Maybe I'll just turn you into a vampire. ELENA: Stop the car Stefan! Stop the car Stefan! Stefan calls klaus. KLAUS: Stefan, how nice to hear your voice. STEFAN: Tell your hybrids to get out of the town Klaus. KLAUS: Well that's not gonna happen until I get my coffins back. STEFAN: Okay, well I'm gonna drive your blood source off the Wickery Bridge. KLAUS: I don't believe you Stefan, you won't kill her. Stefan makes Elena drink his blood. ELENA: No! No! No! What are you doing? KLAUS: What's going on? STEFAN: I just fed her with my blood. No more hybrids if she is a vampire. KLAUS: You won't do it. STEFAN: Really? Try me, because your coffins are next to go. Say goodbye to your family Klaus. ELENA: Stefan slow down! KLAUS: Fine, I'll send them away, you win. ELENA: Stefan! Stefan stop! KLAUS: Stop the car Stefan! Stefan roughly stops the car. STEFAN: Get back in the car. ELENA: Stay away from me. STEFAN: Elena, get back in the car. ELENA: How could you?! My parents died going over this bridge. I almost died. You knew that. You're the one who saved me. STEFAN: Look he had to believe that I would do it alright, your fear sold it. ELENA: What if he hadn't? STEFAN: He did. ELENA: Well what if he hadn't? STEFAN: He did Elena! He back down! He has a weakness. If I know his weakness, I could destroy him. ELENA: After everything, that's what matter? Destroying Klaus? STEFAN: Destroying Klaus is all I've left. ELENA: You had me! STEFAN: I lost you at the minute I left town with him. You kown that you just hadn't self admit that yet. ELENA: Is that what you are doing? Trying to make me hate you? STEFAN: I don't really care what you think about me anymore Elena. He goes away. Caroline's house. Klause is on the threshold of the door. Matt opens. KLAUS: Tyler came to see me. Poor boy, he seemed quiet distressed, he said Caroline had a terrible accident. MATT: You made him do this to her. Thou he would have never done something like this. KLAUS: I'm here to help Matt. My blood will ill her, please ask the sheriff to invite me inside. LIZ: I know how this game works. You want something in return. KLAUS: Just your support. LIZ: Come in. Caroline is lying on her bed. CAROLINE: Are you going to kill me? KLAUS: On your birthday? You really think that law of me? CAROLINE: Yes. KLAUS: It looks bad. My apologies, you are just colateral damages, nothing personnal. I love birthdays. CAROLINE: Yeah, Haven't you like.. a billion, or something? KLAUS: Well you have to adjust your perception of time when you become a vampire, Caroline. Celebrate the fact that you're no longer bond by trivial human conventions. You're free. CAROLINE: No, I'm dying. KLAUS: And I could let you die, if that's what you want. If you really believe your existence has no meaning. I thought about it myself, once or twice, over the centuries, truth will be told. But I'll let you know a little secret. There is a whole world out there, waiting for you. Great cities and art and music, genuine beauty. And you can have all of it. You can have a thousand more birthdays. All you have to do is ask. CAROLINE: I don't wanna die. KLAUS: Here you go, sweet heart. Have at it. She bites him. KLAUS: Happy birthday Caroline. Damon takes Elena back home. ELENA: Thanks for picking me up. DAMON: Anytime. You're gonna be okay? ELENA: I will survive. Somehow I always do. DAMON: You know Stefan won this round for us today. He push Klaus at the edge and Klaus blinkt. ELENA: Well his methods sucked. DAMON: Still, we needed it. Klaus have been calling on the shaft and Stefan beat him at his own game. He was the better villain. ELENA: Don't seem so impressed. DAMON: Well, I can't help be a little proud. Really, tell me, are you gonna be okay? ELENA: You can't kiss me again. DAMON: I know. ELENA: I can't. It's not right. DAMON: It's not right. Just not right now. Good night. ELENA: Good night, Damon. The same place, next morning. JEREMY: You gonna have to let me go, eventually. ELENA: Be safe, okay? JEREMY: Yeah, okay, alright. Alaric is waiting. BONNIE: Good, you haven't left yet. JEREMY: What are you doing here? BONNIE: I came to say goodbye. Jeremy goes away. Caroline wakes up, her neck is clean. She sees a little box with the inscription "From Klaus". Inside the box, there is a beautiful bracelet with diamonds. Matt walks toward Elena on the Wickery Bridge. MATT: You're not gonna jump, are you? ELENA: Thanks for coming. I was just thinking about what you said, about us being stuck. MATT: I was busy, Elena. I can't be responsable for jugement. ELENA: I feel stuck, Matt. I feel like, I'd bell holding on to the girl who was supposed to die here with her parents. The girl who had a normal life, and who wasn't in love with vampires. MATT: You're not that girl anymore. It's okay if you want to let her go. ELENA: Is it? Cause I feel like I disappointed her a little like, if I disappointed them. My parents. MATT: For my too sense, as a guy who knew that girl, you're doing better than you think. Here lies Elena Gilbert. A girl-friend, and an amazing friend. Matt throws flowers over the bridge. At the Mystic grill. MEREDITH: Thanks God, another day drinker. I lost a patient, what's your excuse? ALARIC: I put a kid on a plane. MEREDITH: Yours? ALARIC: No, it's a long story. MEREDITH: Then you should probably buy me a beer. In the woods, Lyz and Damon are walking toward a crime scene. LIZ: A rambler called it in. My guys got it first. DAMON: Another hybrid? LIZ: That's what I thought at first. Brian Walkers, the medical examiner. DAMON: It's not a stake, he is not a vampire. LIZ: I know. This was a murder. END.	Plan: A: her eighteenth birthday; Q: What is Caroline Forbes in no mood to celebrate? A: Bonnie; Q: Who disagrees with Elena forcing Jeremy to leave town? A: a funeral; Q: What do Elena, Bonnie and Matt surprise Caroline with? A: the old Caroline Forbes; Q: Who is Caroline celebrating her birthday for? A: Stefan; Q: Who kidnaps Elena and threatens to make her a vampire? A: Stefan disagree; Q: Who disagrees with Damon on how to handle Klaus? A: Klaus; Q: Who tells Caroline of the joys of being a vampire? A: a reckless Stefan; Q: Who beheads one of Klaus' hybrids? A: his theory; Q: What does Stefan test by beheading one of Klaus' hybrids? A: dangerous extremes; Q: What does Stefan take his theory to? A: Jeremy's new plans; Q: What does Elena tell Bonnie about? A: Alaric; Q: Who runs into Dr. Fell at a Founder's meeting? A: Dr. Fell; Q: Whose ex-boyfriend is found dead in the woods with a stake in his heart? A: an argument; Q: What is Dr. Fell in the middle of with her ex-boyfriend? A: Tyler; Q: Who accidentally bites Caroline? A: Klaus' latest demand; Q: What does Tyler refuse to go along with? A: his decision; Q: What does Klaus seem to accept when Tyler refuses to bite Caroline? A: another hybrid; Q: What does Stefan try to behead but is stopped by Damon? A: her birthday party; Q: Where was Caroline when Tyler accidentally bit her? A: Wickery Bridge; Q: Where does Elena go to say goodbye to the Elena that was supposed to die with her parents? A: any hybrids; Q: What does Stefan want to stop Klaus from making? A: the car; Q: What does Stefan stop when Klaus gives in to his threats? A: his methods; Q: What do Stefan and Elena fight about? A: his blood; Q: What does Klaus feed Caroline to save her? A: Damon and Caroline wakes; Q: Who compelled Jeremy to leave Mystic Falls? A: a bracelet; Q: What does Caroline find when she wakes up? Summary: Although Caroline is in no mood to celebrate her eighteenth birthday, Elena, Bonnie and Matt surprise her with a funeral to celebrate the old Caroline Forbes. Bonnie disagrees with Elena making Jeremy leave town by compelling him to. Damon and Stefan disagree on the best way to handle Klaus, and a reckless Stefan decides to test his theory by taking things to dangerous extremes and beheading one of Klaus' hybrids. Bonnie is concerned when Elena tells her about Jeremy's new plans. At a Founder's meeting, Alaric once again runs into Dr. Fell, who is in the middle of an argument with her ex-boyfriend, the medical examiner. Klaus asked Tyler to bite Caroline to punish Stefan. Tyler refuses to go along with Klaus' latest demand, and is surprised when Klaus seems to accept his decision. Stefan tries to behead another hybrid but is stopped by Damon. Tyler went to meet Caroline where she was having her birthday party and told her that he loves her and kisses her but accidentally bites her. Stefan kidnaps Elena and threatens to drive off Wickery Bridge and make her a vampire so Klaus cannot make any hybrids. Klaus gives in and Stefan stops the car. Stefan and Elena fight about his methods and he reveals he does not care about what she thinks of him any more. Klaus goes to save Caroline after Tyler tells him what he did. Klaus tells Caroline of the joys of being a vampire and lets her decide if she wants to be saved. She tells him she does not want to die, so he feeds her his blood to save her. Jeremy left Mystic Falls as he was compelled by Damon and Caroline wakes to find a bracelet left by Klaus. Elena goes back to Wickery Bridge and says good-bye to the Elena that was supposed to die with her parents. Dr. Fell's ex-boyfriend is found dead in the woods with a stake in his heart although he is not a vampire.
*** Angel's office at night.* Cordelia is holding up a torn white trash bag. Cordy: "I've had it with these cheap trash bags! They leak and break and end up costing us more !" She drops bag in front of Doyle who nods at her. Doyle: "I believe it!" Cordy: "Yeah, It was a great audition! I was all about things leaking. How could they not pick me?" Doyle: "They don't know what they missed." Telephone rings. Cordy: "They gave it to a blonde that showed up in a skintight leather cat suit. She is supposed to be a housewife. (Telephone continues to ring) She looked ridiculous. She looked like cat-woman taking out the cat-trash." Doyle: "Are you going to answer the phone?" Angel: "Good question." Cordy: "Oh, yeah, right. (Answering machine kick on) Oh, the machine got it." Machine in Cordy's voice: "Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless. If that's you leave a message. (Beep)" Aura, leaving a message: "Hey, Cordy. It's Aura. Just wanted to check in, you know (Angel looks up and walks away) see how you were doing. Oh, you would not believe what's going on in Sunnydale!" Cordy just straightens stuff on her desk, makes no move to pick up the phone. Doyle: "You don't want to talk to her?" Cordy: "No, not just yet. She is just going to ask me where I'm living and how the acting is going, and just not up to leading the parade of pain. I'll do it when things get better." Doyle: "Well, I don't know if I can help with the acting, but about the apartment.." Cordy: "What?" Doyle: "Well, if you ever want to - I don't know - stay a night away form the place... maybe give me a call." Cordy: "Well, stranger things have happened. No wait, they really haven't. (Gets up, picks up her jacket and purse and heads for the door) I'll see you tomorrow. (yells) Bye, Angel, I'm taking off." Cut to Angel's office. Angel is sitting behind his desk, reading in an old book. Doyle comes in sits down and puts his feet up on the table. Angel stares at his feet then looks at Doyle but doesn't say anything. Doyle: "She's really something, isn't she? It's like wrestling a tiger just to get to know her. (Angel keeps reading) Tell me stuff." Angel: "What stuff?" Doyle: "About Cordelia." Angel: "Well, I - I know she can't type or file. Until today I had some hope regarding the phone." Doyle: "Who's Aura?" Angel: "I think... uh... I think she is one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. A bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school. Decided what was in, who was popular. It was like the soviet secret police if they cared a lot about shoes." Doyle: "And she was the richest one of all? Because the way she talks it sounds like she had servants made of solid gold or something." Angel: "Pretty much. Until her parents lost it all. Riches to rags." Doyle: "One hell of a come down." Angel: "Yeah, but she's doing all right." * Cordy's apartment. * Cordelia opens the door to her apartment. The key sticks and when she finally gets it out she scratches up her arm in the process. Cordy: "Ouch! Damn it!" She turns on the light. It flickers before it finally stays on. Goes to the sink to get a drink of water. The water is a dingy brown and comes shooting out of the faucet, splattering all over her white shirt. Cordy: "Yeah, well, of course." She goes to sit down on the couch and turns on the TV. There is a huge cockroach on the screen. Cordy, picking the phone up with a groan and dialing: "Hello? Hi, this is Cordelia Chase from apartment 4B. (There are now three cockroaches crawling over the TV screen.) I thought you were going to have the exterminator in here today?... Well, if he had don't you think there would be... (putting her foot down and squashing another cockroach, looking down, the carpet is littered with dead bugs) Ah, oh god! Ahh! (slamming the phone down and picking up her address book) Doyle, Doyle,.." She finds his number and dials. * Doyle's apartment. *** The phone is ringing as he comes in. He hurries in and turns on the light. Dark brown skinned demon with spines along his jaw and along the sides of his hairless head: "Hello, Doyle." Intro. Doyle: "I think you have the wrong place." Demon: "You owe money." Doyle: "It's all about money. What about friendship and family all those things that are priceless, like they say in those credit card commercial? (Demon looking at him) Oh, yeah right. You're a demon of focus. I can see that... I have your money right over here." Doyle walks over to a dresser and reaches into the top drawer. The demon slams the drawer shut on his hand. Demon: "You're not stupid enough to have a gun in there,... right?" Doyle: "Who, me? No way, man! Look!" Doyle pulls the drawer out and hits the demon on the chin with it then runs out the door. *** Angel's apartment. *** Beethoven's 'Ode to joy' is playing on a phonograph and you can hear the shower running. Hard knocking on the door. Angel comes out of the bathroom all wet, wrapping a towel around his waist and goes to answer the door. Cordelia steps in pushing a couple of bags into Angel's hands and walks past him into the apartment. Cordy: "Oh god, Angel! It's so terrible! Oh, my gosh. (Turning around and holding up her hands) Don't even look at me! I am such a mess. I am the lowest of the lowest. (Gesturing towards the open door) and you're going to want to get my other suitcase out there in the hall." Angel glances out the open door than back at her, still hunched around the bags in his arms. Angel: "What happened?" Cordy: "My apartment. It's like the barrio... or the projects or whatever, and I live there! I'm the girl from the projects!" Angel, almost dropping one of the bags: "What? I don't know about that." Cordy: "Get this. I tried to call Doyle. I have sunk that low. And there was no answer. So, here I am. Not that you're the last resort. It's just that I have nowhere else left to go. (Going to sit down while Angel puts down one of her bags) Roaches. Live one, dead ones. All skinny feet and creepy antlers." Angel: "Antlers?" Cordy: "Oh, my god! I wonder how many stowed away in that bag? (Angel looks down at the bag he is holding.) Also the water is all brown and spurty, and not hot! I am dying for a shower. (Angel puts down the other bag and holds on to his towel with both hands) I... actually smell! Smell me. I never smell. I didn't know I could... I'm just going to have to stay here until I can find a decent place, however long that takes, and when I do you are completely invited over. Hey, you can just dump my stuff on the couch... or let me have the bed. What ever you feel good about. Also, my suitcase is still out in the hall. (Picking up one of her bags) Your shower is in here, right? You have mousse?... Of course you do." Cordelia disappears into the bathroom while Angel stands there scratching his head. Cut to the next morning. Doyle unlocks the door to the office. As he checks his watch (it's 10 am) we see a dark bruise on his right hand. Cut to... Cordelia is sitting at the table wearing a white bathrobe and trying to see her reflection in a metal vase. She is combing her wet hair with her fingers. Doyle, coming out of the elevator: "Angel, you around?" Cordy: "Hey, Doyle. (Angel comes walking into the kitchen wearing boxers and a short open bathrobe) You ever get that feeling that you just can't shower enough? Like something's happened and you're never going to get clean?" Doyle, staring at her: "What?" Angel, coming up behind him, to Cordy holding up one hand: "You got peanut butter on the bed." Cordy: "Really? (Angel looks at her) I don't think so. (Angel shows her his hand) I'll look." Doyle: "No, no, no, no, no. Angel man, how could you?" Angel: "How what?" Doyle: "Man, you know I was crazy about her, and I was wearing her down, too. But no, handsome, brooding vampire guy has to swoop in, all sensitive mouth and overhanging forehead (Angel feels his forehead with a frown) How about leaving some scraps for the homely looking fellas who don't turn evil when they get some?" Angel: "Cordelia stayed over because something's wrong with her place. I was on the sofa." Doyle, looking over at the sofa: "Oh. (Angel raises his eyebrows at him) That's okay, I suppose." Cordy, walking back in from the bedroom now dressed: "Angel, at some point in the recent history you got peanut butter on your bed, and it's gross. I think you're gonna have to change the sheets." Angel: "I don't eat." Cordy: "Well then, I don't even want to know how it got there." Angel stalks off towards the bedroom. Cordy sits down at the table and begins to brush out her hair. Doyle: "Hey, Cordy, you look great by the way." Cordy: "I wouldn't know. The man doesn't even have a mirror. Like it would kill him to not see himself?" Doyle, laughing then asking: "Listen, I was wondering if anybody called lately? Maybe asking about me or maybe wanting my address?" Cordy: "Oh, yeah. Yesterday your cousin called, with one of those names from your part of England." Doyle: "My part of England?" Cordy: "Conner or Fergus... did he find you?" Doyle, sighing: "Yeah, he did, all right. But you see, a little ah... warning might have been nice, give a fella a chance to neat the place up, you know?" Cordy, staring at him: "Jeez, I just helped the guy as a favor to you. (Doyle just looks at her and she stands up) Maybe next time I won't bother." Doyle: "Well, it's not like you even have to pick up the phone. You just let your friend Aura hang there." Cordy: "Ok, here's an idea: How about you make me a list of people you're too good to talk to." Angel, coming back in: "What going on?" Doyle: "Nothing, just.." Angel: "You got a bruise on your hand." Doyle, looking at it: "Badminton." Angel, picking up a towel from the chair: "And the reason there is a wet towel on my leather chair?" Cordelia gives him a big fake smile. Angel drops it back down with a sigh and leaves the room. Cut to later. Doyle, seing Cordy cutting up Angel's vinyl floor: "What are you doing?" Cordy: "I just... I just wanted to see if he had hardwood floors under there, you know? I... I might be here a while!" Doyle, looking at some trophies on the mantel behind him: "Well, the things you learn! I had no idea Angel was Queen of the Winter Ball." Cordy: "Those are mine. (Groaning as she keeps working on the floor) Though stuff!" Doyle, looking at Cordy's diploma: "Hey, you high school diploma is all burned." Cordy: "Yeah, it was a rough ceremony. (Getting up) Yup, there it is. My whole life... pre here. Five trophies with some of the shiny worn off." Doyle: "It's good though you can look back. I never look back." Cordy: "Look back at what?" Angel, coming down the stairs dressed now: "Doyle,... you down here? Oh, there you are. There's a big guy there to see you. I'll tell him you'll be right up." Doyle: "Oh, that's great." Angel nods and heads back up the stairs. Doyle runs out the back door. Cut to Doyle coming out another door. Angel is there, waiting for him. Doyle: "You know it's not nice to trick people!" Angel: "You're going to tell me what's going on?" Cut to Angel and Doyle talking in the office. Angel: "You don't even know who this demon is collecting for." Doyle: "All right, look, here's how it works: I owe some people... other people owe me. I do a favor for some guy and the debt goes away. It's a system of checks and balances." Angel: "And some of your checks didn't balance." Doyle: "Well, it'll work out. It just takes a little diplomacy... the kind of thing you're so good at, actually. Say, maybe you wouldn't mind taking a crack at it?" Angel, with a sigh: "We all have problems. It's a matter of priorities. And at the moment I've got a bigger one then you do." Doyle: "Bigger than a Kailiff demon?" Angel: "Much. I'm thinking you can help me with mine and maybe I can help you with yours." Doyle: "I don't know, man. I mean, what's your problem, exactly? Because you know, vampire business is..." Cordy, clearing her throat: "Hi! (Smiling and waving) I was just wondering if you had any linoleum glue... for if it started curling up all over." Angel: "I'll be there in a minute." Cordy, turning to go: "Ok." Angel, to Doyle: "Find her an apartment and I'll deal with your demon." Cut to a guy showing an apartment to Cordy and Doyle. Doyle: "You know, I wish you would just let me call my guy." Cordy, holding a newspaper: "I'm not going to get an apartment through "some guy". He probably judges the property value on how far the bus ride is to the track." Doyle, looking around: "Well, it can't get any worse then this, can it?" Cordy: "You can't tell anything from the hallway." The apartment is tiny and totally mildewy. Doyle: "Hey, you're right. You know what I smell in here? Potential." Cordy: "The next one will be better." Cut to a clean-cut guy leading them down some steps. He pulls a curtain aside to reveal a toilet and sink. Guy: "It's like a community, you know? We share all the upkeep and chores." Cordy, to Doyle: "Oh, my urination just hasn't been public enough lately." Guy: "Oh, we don't believe in barriers. It's the first rule of the great leader. Ah, you can come to the meetings if you want. Every morning at 5:00." Cordy: "Okay, that's just a touch too early for me." Guy: "Oh, you'll be up. The Chanting starts at 4:00." Cut to Cordy standing in the doorway of a nice apartment. There is a big guy with a big gut standing next to her. Big guy: "So, you're a single gal... going to be living here alone? Because I'm right across the hall and you can sleep easy knowing that I'm the only other soul in the world with a key to that door. (Smiling at her and tossing his keys in the air) You just think about that while you look, okay?" Cordy, looking a Doyle and taking a deep breath: "Okay, just out of curiosity, you said you know a guy?" Doyle: "Finally. What is it with you and Angel? You got to do everything the hard way." Cut to Doyle's apartment. Angel is looking around the apartment. The Kailiff demon wraps an arm around his neck from behind. Cut to a lady in a suit letting Cordy and Doyle into a furnished apartment. Cordy: "Oh, my gosh. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?" Doyle, looking at Cordy's back: "No, never." Cordy, looking around: "It's perfect. Really, really, it's just... perfect. (Looking in the bedroom) It's amazing in there. (To Lady) What's wrong with it?" Lady: "There's nothing wrong with it. The previous tenant just broke their lease last week. I don't know how you even heard about it. (Cordy smiles at Doyle) It's quite a bargain, and the furniture comes with. Do you think you want it?" Cordy: "I... I used to have this. I... I was.." Lady: "I guess it's your lucky day." Cordy: "I used to have those, too." Doyle: "She'll take it.' Lady, leaving: "I'll fill out the rental forms." Cordy, pointing at a wall: "First thing: hire someone to take out that wall." Doyle: "I though you said it was perfect." Cordy: "Yes, and part of being perfect is that there being one tiny flaw for me to fix." Doyle: "Ah, must be why you find me so fascinating." Cordy, laughing: "Oh my gosh, I love my apartment. Your guy found the perfect place. (Hugs Doyle) I love your guy!" Doyle: "Yeah, well, it's a pretty good day's work for us, I think. I take care of your problem; Angel takes care of mine. All in all things are pretty sweet." Cordy, grabbing his arm and leading him out: "Yes! And I can move right in." As they leave a face-like bulge appears on the wall Cordy wants to tear down. *** Doyle's apartment. * The Kailiff demon throws Angel against the wall Angel turns around, grabs the demon and pushes his face in the wall. Angel in vamp face: "My name is Angel, what's yours?" Demon: "Screw you." Angel, smashing his face in the wall: "My name is Angel, what's yours?" Demon growls and angel smashes his face in the wall again. Demon: "Griff." Angel: "Good start. Who do you work for?" Griff: "He never gave me his card. (Angel throws him on the floor) I don't know his name, he gets his orders to me." Angel: "You can get a message back to him?" Griff: "Yeah." Angel, back in human face, pulls the demon up. Griff: "You're letting me go?" Angel: "No, I'm letting you up... You were sent to collect for Doyle?" Griff: "At first. But I'm not seeing any money. So now Doyle gets dead. A message to the others." Angel: "And your boss never gets his money. Pretty expensive message when you add in whatever he is paying you." Griff: "My fees are very competitive." Angel: "I can get Doyle to pay you the money. You have my guarantee." Griff: "I saw what I saw, right?... You're a vampire... How come you're helping some little demon half-breed?" Angel: "It's a good offer. You should take it. On the other hand you're making me want to fight some more. You get lucky you might last ten minutes. Really lucky and you're unconscious for the last five." Griff: "You get Doyle to pay, and he's safe." Angel: "Thanks... Good meeting." * Cordy's new apartment. * She's sleeping in her bed. The radio on her dresser turns on and switches to 1400 AM. Radio music: "You always hurt the ones you love, the ones you shouldn't hurt at all.." Some of the drawers on her dresser open and close. Voice, whispering: "What do you think you're doing here? You never should have come." Drawer slams shut and Cordy wakes up. * Angel's apartment. * Doyle, pacing: "I have to pay? Man, I should have just handled this myself. I mean, I don't have the money. And you can't get blood out of a stone." Angel: "They can get blood out of you... There's a price on your head Doyle, they weren't even looking for money any more." Doyle, after a moment: "Thanks man... you probably saved my life." Angel: "Can I ask you something?... Why do you live like this?" Doyle: "Why not live like this? I mean, what's wrong with it? (Angel just looks at him and Doyle sighs) Yeah, well, I guess, it's the kind of life that keeps your expectations from getting too high. Seems like you'd understand that." Angel: " I do." Doyle: "Yeah." Angel: "I just don't know why that's important to you... This kind of life... sort of picked me. You don't have to do it this way. What happened?" Doyle: "Don't worry about it, okay? And things aren't all gloom in Doyle City... I mean there's bright spots... like Cordelia... I mean, she loves that new place so much, man. She's going to be grateful for a long, long time." * Cordelia's new apartment. *** She's sitting up in her bed, scared. She turns off the radio and tries to turn on the lamp beside her bed. It doesn't work. She reaches for the glass of water on her nightstand and it begins to boil. Her bed is beginning to levitate. Cordy: "I just knew this was to good to be true. I just knew it! I'm from Sunnydale, you're not scaring me, you know. No. You're not scaring me. You're not scaring me. Not one bit." Cut to morning. Cordelia is still sitting up in her floating bed rocking back and forth hugging a pillow. Suddenly the bed drops to the floor. Cut to Cordy dressed looking at herself in the mirror. Cordy: "Bright, shiny morning - nothing bad here." As she looks to the side the gray specter of an old lady appears in the mirror beside her reflection but Cordy never notices it. Cordy steps into the living room and pulls a chair out from the wall. The Chair slides back. Cordy pulls it out further and this time the chair smashes back into the wall and one of its legs break. Cordy back away from it and the curtain cord wraps itself around her arm. She jumps away with a scream. Cordy: "You know what? I get it. You're a ghost. You're dead. Big accomplishment! Move on! - You see a light anywhere? Go towards it, okay? (Wind starts to blow paper scraps in Cordy's face) Uh, cold wind, scary! What are you going to do? Chap me to death? What else have you got?" There's a knock on the door and Cordy jumps. Angel (from outside): "Cordelia, are you in there? (Cordy stares at the door)... Cordelia!" Cordy goes and hesitantly opens the door. Doyle and Angel are standing outside. Angel, holding up a small potted cactus: "Cactus... housewarming present." Cordy: "Oh, hi... thanks." Doyle tries to come in and Cordy stops him. Cordy: "Look I'm still getting it just the way I want. Maybe in a day or two, okay?" Doyle, pushing past her: "Place looks great. You worry too much. (Seing the broken chair) Don't know what you had against that chair though." Cordy, looking at Angel still standing outside the door: "Oh, that's right you can't come in. (Angel steps in) Wait! What about the rule?" Angel: "You said when you got a place I was completely invited over." Cordy: "What? I didn't even have a place then. These rules are getting all screwed up. (Seing Doyle pull on the curtain cord) Oh my god don't touch that!" Doyle, pulling the curtain closed: "I'm just closing these so our boss doesn't burst into flames, if that's all right with you?" Cordy: "Yeah, I guess." Angel, looking around the apartment: "This is nice... How about a tour?" Cordy, pointing in different directions: "Uh ha, this is the kitchen, living room, I'm going to knock out that wall. And that's about it. Oh, and thanks for the cactus." A pair of scissors flies into the air behind Angel's back and Cordy catches it before anyone else notices. Angel: "I can't believe you can afford this." Cordy sets the cactus down on a little table and opens the drawer to drop the scissors in. Suddenly the top of it bulges up in the shape of a face for a moment. Cordy slams the drawer shut. Cordy, to Angel and Doyle as they turn at the sound: "I bet you two want lunch. There is this place down the street.. (One of the trophies on the mantel behind the guys flies at Doyle's neck and angel catches it) That thing's been doing that all morning. I think the... mantel is uneven." Doyle: "That thing lunged at me!" Angel, looking around: "What's going on?" Cordy: "Okay, you're right. It's not the mantel. It's a very, very bad trophy." There is a moaning sound and the word 'Die' appears on the wall behind Cordy as if blood was soaking through from the inside. Doyle: "Dear sweet.." Angel, to Cordy to come over to them: "Come on." Cordy: "I am not giving up this apartment!" Angel: "It's haunted." Cordy: "It's rent controlled!" Doyle: "Cordy, it says 'die'!" Cordy: "Hey, maybe it's not done. Maybe it's 'diet'. That's friendly. A little judgmental, sure. (to Angel) I'm not giving it up. It's perfect and beautiful. It's so me. I need it!" Angel, trying to lead her out: "You don't need this. It's just a place. You're more than that." Cordy: "How? How am I more then that?" Doyle: "We can cleanse it... Well, we can try, can we? Put the ghost to rest?" Cordy, to Angel: "Can we?" Angel: "We can try. But we have to go now. We'll figure it out at the office." Cordy: "Okay. (As the guys try to push her out the door she turns and yells into the apartment) Listen good, Casper, you haven't won a thing here! I'll die before I give up the apartment, you hear me? I'll die!" Angel and Doyle get her out and the door shuts. Friendly little old lady voice: "All right dear, if that is what you think is best." [SCENE_BREAK] *** Cut to Angel's office. * Doyle, on the computer: "Lots of stuff here about the building. Construction bids, city inspections." Angel: "Tenants. We need people who lived there.' Cordy pouring some coffee: "And died there. That's the ingredients for ghosts, right?" Doyle: "Yeah, yeah. This isn't easy, you know?" Angel, going to stand beside Cordy: "You know, this really is just a place to live." Cordy: "No, It's more. It's beautiful,... and if it goes away it's like.." Angel: "Like what?" Cordy, quietly: "Like I'm still getting punished." Angel: "Punished. (Cordy nods) For what?" Cordy: "I don't know. For what I was? For everything I said in High School just because I could get away with it? - And then it all ended, and I had to pay... Oh, but this apartment... I could be me again. Punishment over... welcome back to your life! Like, like I couldn't be that awful if I get to have a place like that? - It's just like you!" Angel, nodding: "Working for redemption." Cordy, frowning confused: "I... I meant because you used to have that mansion." Doyle: "Hey, I found something! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a death. (Angel and Cordy walk over to him) First person to ever live in your place... Mrs. Maude Pearson." Angel: "How did you get that?" Doyle: "Name carved over the entrance of the building... Pearson Arms. I checked the obits for Pearson, we got lucky. Turns out Maude Pearson built the place and took a unit there, too. And in 1946 she dropped dead of a heart attack in Cordelia's living room - at age - 57." Cordy: "That's it! That's her." Angel: "I don't know. It's not a violent death. I mean, ghosts usually.." Cordy: "It's her, I know it. That place has that weird little old lady smell,... like... like violets and aspercreme." Doyle: "No, they didn't find the body for three weeks. So it wasn't violets there at the end I'm thinking." Cordy: "This is easy. Little old lady ghost, probably hanging around because she thinks she left the iron on. Let's get a nice cleansing spell and do this thing!" Angel: "Well, this is not an easy spell. I mean, hawthorn berries and lungwort and bile. We need bile. I don't know if we can get everything." Doyle: "I can. I know this guy in koreatown, he does these spells all the time. I can get the stuff form him." Cordy: "Oh, goody! Another one of Doyle's guys. Tell me, is this the same guy that help me find my poltergeist-delicious apartment?" Angel: "Doyle, go! Get what you need. (Doyle leaves. To Cordy) I'm gonna try and get some more information. Maybe Kate can find something. You wait here." Cordy, with a sigh: "Little old lady ghost. How come Patrick Swayze is never dead when you need him?" Cut to later. The phone rings in Angel's office. Answering machine in Cordy's voice: "Angel investigations, we help the hopeless, if that's you, leave a message." Angel voice: "Cordelia, are you there? Look, I think we can end this whole thing." Cordy, picking up the phone: "I'm here. About time you called. You got something?" Angel: "Meet me at the apartment and we'll figure out what to do." Cordy: "Okay." She hangs up the phone and leaves. Cut to Cordelia unlocking the door to her apartment. She looks around the dark and empty apartment. Angel's voice: "Cordelia, I'm in the bedroom." Cordy, stepping into the bedroom: "Angel?" She turns around and jumps back from the specter of Maude Pearson. Maude, in Angel's voice: "You got my call." Cordelia runs out of the bedroom. The apartment door won't open. She flies backwards through the air. As she picks herself up Maude is standing there. Maude, in her own voice: "Poor thing. You just don't fit in around here, do you? - Too bad you wouldn't leave my son alone." Cordy: "Your... your son?" * Police station. * Kate, sipping a cup of coffee in front of the computer: "I wish I could be more help." Angel, pacing: "It's okay. Just knowing the kind of things that didn't happen is a help. You know, eliminating the possibilities." Kate: "Now you're talking like a detective." Angel: "I am a detective." Kate: "Well, you see the thing about detectives is that they have resumes and business licenses and last names. - Pop stars and popes, those are the one-name guys." Angel: "You got me. I'm a pope." Kate laughs then gets up as a guy come is to hand her a folder. Guy: "Here you go." Kate, looking at the folder: "Davis you are beautiful! Thank you. (Guy leaves and she sits back down) Let's take a look." Angel: "Jeez, I wasn't sure you had records that old." Kate: "Neither was I. Let's see. Maude Pearson. There was an investigation into the death... Okay, this guy, Detective Randall, he thought the death was suspicious. The M.E. called it a heart attack, but it seems there were problems with the son. He was... Dennis Pearson. He lived with her. They argued a lot." Angel: "What about?" Kate: "A girl... His fiancé. His mom didn't like her. And Dennis skips town with her the day that mom drops dead... what a co incidence. The cops never caught him." Angel: "Unavenged murder." Kate: "Sounds like." Angel: "There haven't been any deaths in the same apartment since then." Kate: "You saw me check. No murders, not even domestic dispute calls." Angel: "Not murders... suicides. (Kate stares at him) There's a kind of... the kind of killer that does that." Kate: "Makes it look like a suicide (After a moment she turns back to her computer and starts to type) You know there are always signs." Angel, leaning over her shoulder and pointing at the screen: "There." Kate: "Margo Dressner... 1959... and Jenny Kim 1965... Natalie Davis five years ago. All in the same apartment. This doesn't make sense." Angel: "I got to make a call." Cut to Angel dialing on the payphone out in the hall. Cut to Angel's office. The phone rings as Doyle walks in carrying a box full of stuff. Doyle, picking up the phone: "Ah... Angel Investigations. We hope you're hopeless... No, wait, that's..." Angel: "It's me. Put Cordelia on.' Doyle: "She's not here. Hang on a sec, there's a message." He pushes the button on the machine... [(Angel voice): "Cordelia, are you there? Look, I think we can end this whole thing." (Cordy voice): "I'm here. About time you called. You got something?" (Angel voice): "Meet me at the apartment and we'll figure out what to do."] Angel: "That's not me." * Cordelia's apartment. *** She's standing in front of Maude. Cordy: "Who ever you think you're talking to, it's not me. My name is Cordelia." Maude: "Oh, that's the name of a cheap small-town tramp trying to sound better than she is... You're not good enough for my boy... This will never be your home." Cordy: "This is my home. My friends will come here." Maude: "You don't have any friends. Why would anybody care about you? Nobody really cares. You don't deserve to live here. You don't deserve anything." Cut to Angel and Doyle driving down the road in his convertible. Angel: "You were right about the ghost. It's the old woman, Mrs. Pearson. But she didn't die of a heart attack her son killed her." Doyle: "Murder victim?" Angel: "Right. Filled with rage and confusion. That's why she's been killing people, she can't rest until the truth comes out." Doyle: "Pretty strong ghost. (Checking the stuff in the cardboard box on the back seat) Bile, we should have gotten more bile." Cut to Cordy's apartment. Cordy: "I will leave, Please." Maude: "Oh, I don't think so. (Chandelier crashes to the floor behind Cordy) You're worthless. (Pushes Cordy back) You've never been kind. (A cable snakes out from where the chandelier used to hang and snakes around Cordy's neck) You've never been smart. You're a user. (The cord goes back up into the ceiling pulling Cordy up with it.) You're nothing. Everyone would be glad if you were dead." Cordy, trying to keep the cord from choking her: "No." Maude: "Oh, come on. If anyone really cared about you, would you be here? People let you end up here because they were happy to see you fail." Cordy goes limp and Maude disappears. The door breaks open and Angel and Doyle charge in. Angel lifts her up and Doyle gets the noose off her neck. Angel lays her on the sofa as she begins to cough. Cordy, panting: "The furniture and... and the wall and the blood, she's doing it... she is doing it all... She'll be back. She's stronger than us. She knows me." Angel: "We can stop her." Cordy, crying: "No, no, we can't stop her." Angel: "She's made a connection with you, right? She thinks you're someone,... someone she blames for her murder. Cordelia, answer me." Cordy: "I... I'm... I'm taking her son away. She thinks I'm taking her son." Angel: "That's good. Her son was the one that killed her. All right, you're playing a role in her delusion, that gives you power. You're the one that can stop her. (to Doyle) Start the binding circle, I'll find the spell." Cordy keeps crying while Doyle lays out a circle with the stuff from the box. There is paper and stuff flying around as Angel flips through an old book. Angel: "Bring the truth into the light. Let the villain be reveal that a soul can take its rightful place for eternity." Doyle, as bigger stuff starts to fly around: "Here she comes. She knows what we're doing." Angel: "We need Cordelia now." Doyle: "Cordy, get up!" Angel: "Adduce veritatum in lucem. Accipitat laura suam requiatam reposcant anima suum regnum... Cordelia, stand in the circle and strike at its center." Cordy, sobbing: "What?" Angel, grabbing her by the shoulder: "Damn it. Do you know what it means? The ghost is in contact with you, she's given you that." Maude, whispering to Cordy: "They don't care about you. They want to you to fail. They know you're a tarted up little whore." Angel hands the book to Doyle without looking away from Cordy Angel: "Doyle, chant." Doyle, taking the book: "Oh, man, Latin. One of those dead languages you always mean to learn." Angel, to Doyle: "V sounds like W say each vowel separately." Maude is still whispering to Cordy. Angel, grabbing Cordy and shaking her: "You do know what to do. You can stop all this. Do it." Cordy, pushing him away and crying: "I can't." Angel: "Look at you. Are you gonna let her do this to you? (Grabbing her again) Damn it. You're Cordelia Chase. Are you just going to lie there like a weakling? Get off your ass and be tough!" Cordy, sobing: "I can't... I can't!" Angel: "You're the biggest pain I have ever seen. Do it now!" Cordy keeps crying. Angel, looking around: "This isn't going to work." Doyle, interrupting his chanting: "And its getting dodgy in here." Angel, as stuff keeps smashing into the walls: "We've got to get her out of here. This isn't safe. Now. (He and Doyle grab Cordy and head for the door) Lets go." The door opens and there are a human and two Kailiff demons pointing guns at them. Griff: "No one's going anywhere." The three move into the apartment. The human looking at the destruction: "What's going on?" Angel: "You were going to let him pay." Griff: "I lied." Maude, appearing behind the three thugs: "No more people!" Human: "What is this?" Griff, never taking his eyes off Angel: "Ignore her. It's just a ghost." Maude, from behind Cordy: "Get out!" Light bulbs are blowing up everywhere, stuff is flying through the air. Doyle pulls Cordy out of the way as the human shoots at Maude. The bullet goes through her and breaks a tile surrounding the fireplace. Maude: "You broke it!" Angel starts to fight Griff as the human turns and runs. The other demon pulls Doyle up and threatens him with his gun. Doyle: "Look I'll pay. Really! I've got a fin in my wallet right here." Maude: "This is my house!" The kitchen drawer opens and the butcher knives are starting to hover. Angel punches Griff and he goes down, he looks over and sees the knives. Angel: "Knives!" Doyle ducks and the knives bury themselves in the other demon's front. Cordy is cowering against a wall. Griff gets back up and throws Angel over the sofa. Cordy goes flying backwards into the bedroom. The door slams shut on her. Doyle jumps on Griff's back. Cut to the bedroom. Cordy, crying: "I'll leave. I'm sorry your son killed you. You can have the apartment. Just let me go." Maude: "It's too late for that." Cordy: "No." Maude: "You know what happens next. Your friends are dirty. They ruined my nice home." Cut to Angel kicking Griff's butt. Cut to the bedroom. Maude: "I knew you were trouble right from the start. (Cordy drops to the floor and sobs) I'm surprised that my son didn't smell the stench of poverty and failure on you... I can." Cordy: "I'm sorry." Maude: "You better be sorry, you stupid little bitch." Cordy, stopping crying and looking slowly up at Maude: "I'm a bitch." Maude: "Take off the bed sheets, make a noose. Go on. It'll all be over soon." Cordy, getting slowly up and looking Maude in the eye: "I'm not a sniveling whiny little Cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. - I take crap from no one." Maude: "You are going to make yourself a noose and put it around.." Cordy: "Back off! Polygrip... You think you're bad? Being all mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy? Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass out of this place, because lady, the bitch is back." Cut to Angel and Griff fighting. Cut to the bedroom. Maude: "Do you think that I'm going to take that from trash like you?" Cordy: "I tell you what I think. I think that you're going to pack your little ghost bags and get the HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!" There is a flash and Maude gets thrown backwards through the wall. Cut to Angel dropping Griff for the count. All the stuff flying through the air suddenly falls down. In the resulting quiet Cordy comes out of the bedroom. Doyle: "What happened? You did it!" Cordy: "Yeah, well, she pissed me off." Angel: "Or maybe you found her center." Cordy looks up her eyes a glazed over all white. Doyle: "Cordy? What wrong?" Cordy picks up a metal lamp stand and begins to demolish the wall she has been wanting to take out all along. Angel: "Cordelia!" Cordy keeps hitting at it and finally manages to make a hole that reveals a skeleton bound around with ropes. Maude screams. Flash to the past. Maude is bricking up her son Dennis is the wall. The radio is playing "you always hurt the one's you love". Maude: "Look what you're making me do, Dennis." Dennis: "Mom, stop it." Maude: "How are you going to leave now, huh? How are you going to marry that streetwalker now. You are a nothing without me." Dennis: "Mom, don't do this. Please. This is crazy." Cut to Maude putting the plaster finish on. Dennis muffled: "Oh, god. Mom, I can't breathe. Please. Mom, let me out. Please mom. I'll be good. I promise. I won't leave. Mom, please let me out. I can't breathe. Let me out!" Maude hangs a picture on the finished wall: "This hurts me then it hurts you. Good bye, Dennis." Maude gasps and collapses with a heart attack. Cut back to Maude's ghost staring at the skeleton of her son. A white light oozes out of the skeleton. Doyle: "Dennis, I presume and probably not too happy with his mom." Maude: "Dennis, it was for your own good. I had to do it. She would have made your life miserable. I'm sorry! (The white light coalesces and heads for mom) Please!... Please!" There is a great gust of wind and the white light obliterates Maude's specter. Cordy: "I knew I didn't like that wall!" *** Doyle's apartment. * Angel is watching him adding an extra lock to his door. Doyle: "There. Safe as houses." Angel: "You're going to live like this?" Doyle: "I don't see adding a deadbolt having a huge effect on my lifestyle." Angel: "You know what I mean." Doyle: "Yeah, there might be... misunderstandings. That sort of thing." Angel: "You know I'll help you out." Doyle: "For which I'm grateful." Angel: "But... sooner or later I'm going to need to hear it." Doyle: "Hear what?" Angel: "The story of your life." Doyle, sighing: "And quite a tale it is, too. Full of ribald adventures and beautiful damsels with loose morals..." Angel: "Doyle." Doyle: "I will... Just... give me time. (sighs) The past, she don't let go, does she?" Angel: "Hmm, she never does." * Cordelia's apartment. *** She's ensconced on the sofa in her new apartment. Cordy on the phone: "God, Aura. I can't believe I missed your calls! It's that incompetent girl at work. But things are going great... Well, my new apartment for one thing. Celebrities are practically on top of me. Oh, Steve Paymer,... that's Dave Paymer's brother lives right down the hall. Oh, you'd know him if you saw him. And my view, it's amazing!... Yeah, I have a room mate, but it's cool. I never see him. (Her can of diet root beer slides away from her on the sofa table and she puts her hand over the receiver) Hey, hey... Phantom Dennis, put that back. (Can slides back. To Aura) All in all its working out great. (The TV turns on and Cordy covers up the receiver again) Dennis, when I'm on the phone, that's quiet time. (TV turns off) Thanks. (To Aura) Sorry. So where were we? Tell me who's wearing what in Sunnydale... No! Well, she never did have any taste. (Laughing) She is so nasty."	Plan: A: her horrible apartment; Q: What does Cordy move out of to move in with Angel? A: Cordy; Q: Who moves in with Angel? A: her bags; Q: What does Cordy pack to move in with Angel? A: her bossy, destructive presence; Q: What does Angel dislike about Cordy? A: Doyle; Q: Who does Angel tell to find Cordy a new place to live? A: problems; Q: What does Doyle have with loan sharks? A: the perfect place; Q: What does Doyle find for Cordy? A: the lease; Q: What does Cordy sign when she finds a new apartment? A: Cordelia; Q: Whose new apartment is haunted? A: her ghostly roommate; Q: Who wants Cordelia gone? Summary: Fed up with her horrible apartment, Cordy packs her bags and moves in with Angel. He's soon overwhelmed by her bossy, destructive presence and tells Doyle to find her a new place to live. Doyle's being chased by loan sharks, so he has problems of his own. Still, he locates the perfect place for Cordy and she happily signs the lease. But, there's still a slight problem... Cordelia's new apartment is haunted. And her ghostly roommate wants Cordy gone.
ACT ONE Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. In the kitchen, Daphne and Martin enter early in the morning. Martin: You know what I could go for? Some fried eggs and bacon. Daphne: [handing him a bowl] Here's your bran flakes. Martin: Oh, fine! They then go through a morning regime. Daphne opens the fridge. As Martin takes something off the top shelf, she takes something off the bottom shelf, then vice versa. Martin then picks up the toast as it pops out, exclaiming "Oh hot!" and slamming it down on a plate that Daphne is holding next to the toaster - their timing seems perfect. Daphne then walks into the living room as Eddie barks at Martin. Daphne: [calling] Don't give him any toast! Martin: I'm not! Martin throws Eddie a toast point, then walks into the room and sits down at the table with Daphne. Throughout this next little bit, Martin and Daphne are spreading butter and adding sugar without even looking. Firstly, Martin gets the paper and splits it up. Martin: [giving Daphne paper] Lifestyle. [giving himself paper] Sports. [putting a huge chunk of paper on table] And recycling. Eddie then jumps up on to a chair and stares at them with lead in mouth. Daphne: Yes, we see you, Eddie - 8:00 on the dot. Martin: Well, he's a dog, what do you expect? He's a creature of habit. Eddie runs off as Frasier enters from his room in a robe. Frasier: Good morning, all. [they ad-lib hellos, he heads into the kitchen] Say, Dad. You remember that woman I went out with on Valentine's Day but I wasn't quite sure if it was a romantic thing? Martin: Yeah, that new publicity woman at the station. Frasier emerges from the kitchen with two coffee mugs. Frasier: Yes, Cassandra Stone. Well, I asked her out again last night and I got my answer. Martin: [concluded] Oh, I'm sorry, Fras'. Frasier: No, I'm not finished! Martin: That's the spirit. You hang in there. Daphne: You know, Dr. Crane, someone once said that long periods of abstinence can actually refresh the soul. Cassandra Stone enters in a blue robe. Cassandra: Morning, everyone! Frasier: Yes, well that someone was me and I was full of it! Everyone, this is Cassandra. Cassandra: You must be Frasier's dad. I've heard all about you. Martin: [shaking her hand] Marty Crane. Cassandra: Nice to meet you! To his surprise, she then throws her arms around him in a warm hug. Martin: Well, nice to meet YOU too! Cassandra: You are so cute! Now I see where Frasier got those gorgeous eyes. Frasier: [laughing] Enough. This is Daphne Moon - my father's home health care worker. [Daphne extends her hand] Cassandra: [quickly] Hello. She turns back to Frasier, leaving Daphne's hand hanging. Martin: Are you going to join us for breakfast, Cassandra? Cassandra: Oh, I could go for an English muffin. Frasier: Well, perhaps our own English muffin could fetch that for you. Daphne just stares daggers at Frasier. Frasier: Or I could get it- Cassandra: No, I'll get it myself. Cassandra disappears to the kitchen as the doorbell sounds. Martin: Way to go, Fras, I like her! Daphne: Gee, I wonder why. [mimicking] "Now I see where Frasier gets those gorgeous eyes." [N.B. Daphne's attempts at an American accent are the subject of comedy in previous episodes like [1.21] "Travels With Martin" and [4.19] "Three Dates & A Breakup," but here Jane Leeves does it fairly effortlessly. See also [7.11] "The Fight Before Christmas."] Frasier answers the door to Niles. He is dressed in his squash gear. Frasier: Niles. Niles: [entering] Hurry up and get dressed Frasier, we'll lose our court. I must warn you I may be unbeatable today. Our squash pro, Octavio, taught me a backhand slice that could shave the bristles off a kiwi fruit. Frasier: Well Niles, I'm afraid we may have to reschedule today. You see, I... [innuendo] had a date last night. Niles: [concluding] Oh, I'm sorry! Hey, but there's no sense moping around. A brisk game of squash would be the best thing for you - I can't think of a better way to lift your spirits. Cassandra: [enters from kitchen] Good morning. Frasier: [to Niles] Keep thinking. As Niles gapes at Cassandra, we FADE OUT. OF ALL THE COFFEE JOINTS IN ALL THE TOWNS IN ALL THE WORLD... Scene Two - Café Nervosa. Later that day, Roz and Frasier are in the café chatting about last night. Frasier: I tell you, Roz, the entire evening was pure magic. Roz: Well, I'm happy for you. You have been in a dry spell, haven't you? Frasier: Oh no, Roz, that was just the calm before the storm. I assure you, we are in the midst of a full-blown love hurricane. [laughs] Roz: You were so much easier to be around when you were horny and pathetic. Frasier: Oh, sorry Roz, I have been monopolizing the conversation. So what's going on with you? Roz: Well, actually it has been a really exciting week. Of course Alice's first birthday party is this Sunday and we're having twelve of her little friends over. She loves bears, so the whole party's going to be this bear theme - party favours, bear cake; I'm going to dress up like a bear, I think, and do a little bear dance... Frasier tries to look interested but Roz just gets embarrassed. Roz: So, that's really great about you and Cassandra! Frasier: [excited] Yes, we're really hitting it off, I think... At that moment Faye Moskowitz passes their table and notices Frasier. Faye: Frasier? Frasier: Faye. Faye: Hi. Frasier: Oh my God, wow. Hi, it's been a while. Gosh, Faye Moskowitz, this is my producer, Roz Doyle. [they ad-lib hellos] So what have you been up to? Faye: Well, I just got back from Paris. Frasier: Really? I didn't even know you'd gone. Faye: You didn't get my message? Roz: Oh Frasier, before I forget: Faye called - she's going to France for a month. I'm sorry. Faye: Well, it's great to see you. We should get together for coffee sometime. Frasier: I'd love to. Roz: [getting up] Well I'm on my way out, why don't you take my seat? Faye: Uh, thanks. [to Frasier] If that's all right with you? Frasier: Of course. Faye: Great, well I'll put some money into my meter. Faye exits as Frasier takes Roz aside. Frasier: What are you doing?! I can't have coffee with her. Roz: Why not? Obviously she's still interested. Frasier: I'm seeing Cassandra, for God's sakes. I can't date two people at once. Roz: It doesn't have to be on the same night. Although if you're good at faking a headache and you don't mind getting changed in the car... Frasier: Roz! Roz: Well, did you tell Cassandra you were going to be exclusive to her? Frasier: No... Roz: So, then you're just dating. Relax, it's supposed to be fun. Just see where it takes you. Frasier: Well, that sort of lifestyle is all right for some people, but not for me. I'm a one-woman man... if that! Roz: Okay, suit yourself - keep it platonic. Frasier: Well, that's easy for you to say. How do you tell somebody that you're attracted to them but you just can't sleep with them? Roz: I guess you just say... you just say... I'll ask around. Roz exits the café. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. It's the following morning when Daphne and Martin enter the kitchen again. Martin: You know what I feel like this morning? Some French toast and sausage patties. Daphne: Here's your bran flakes. Martin: Oh, fine. Daphne and Martin go through the same regime as they did in Scene One. Everything goes identically - even Martin feeding Eddie some toast to which Daphne shouts: Daphne: You're not giving him any toast, are you? Martin: Of course not. Daphne and Martin enter the room to greet Frasier who is again dressed in his robe. Again he goes to the kitchen. Frasier: Oh, good morning. Daphne: Morning. Martin: I didn't hear you come in last night. You have a date? Frasier comes back from the kitchen holding up two mugs. Daphne: Well, I guess that answers that. Martin: Well, ease up there, Cassandra's a great gal - women like her don't come along every day. Faye enters, wearing the same blue robe Cassandra did the previous day. Faye: Morning. Daphne: No, they certainly don't! Frasier: Dad, Daphne, you remember Faye. Faye: Hi Martin, it's good to see you again. Martin: Yeah, likewise. Faye: And Daphne, you look gorgeous. Did you get your hair cut since the last time I saw you? Daphne: [overwhelmed by compliments] Well, yes I did. Can I fix you some breakfast? Faye: I have really got to run. I'm running late and I still have to call my friend at the museum to get tickets for that Seurat exhibit. I just hope it's not sold out. Frasier: Well if it is: Que Seurat, Seurat. [laughs] Faye: That was funnier the first time! Frasier: Yeah. [they kiss] Faye heads off to Frasier's bedroom as the three chat. Martin: What happened to Cassandra? Daphne: Obviously he dumped her for someone better. Frasier: I haven't dumped anyone. Daphne: What, you mean you're dating both of them? Frasier: No, I didn't intend to. It's just that - well, I ran into Faye yesterday and I was about to tell her about Cassandra. It's just that we were enjoying our coffee so much that coffee turned into dinner, and then dinner turned into drinks, and then drinks turned into, well... coffee again! The doorbell sounds. Frasier walks to the door carrying two full cups of coffee. Frasier: Damn! I completely forgot I rescheduled squash with Niles. [shouts through door] Don't be angry at me for still being in my robe. However when he opens the door it's Cassandra who's popped in on her way to work. Cassandra: I won't, I wish I were in mine! Frasier: Cassandra. [worried] What a surprise. Cassandra: I brought you some pastries. Frasier: Oh, isn't that thoughtful of you. [takes them] Cassandra: [enters] Hi Martin, Dixie. Frasier: [before Daphne erupts] Cassandra! You know, I'd love it if you could stay; [guides her back to the door] It's just that I've got to go and pick up my brother for a game of squash. Niles: [enters] Morning, all. Frasier: Well, isn't that a timesaver! You know, I've still got to go get dressed anyway, [opens door; hopefully] and I'll just see you back at the station? Cassandra: Okay, alright, have a good day. [just then] Oh, you know, I'll just use the powder room. She shuts the powder room door behind her. Frasier: [whispering] This is a disaster! Niles: What is? Faye, dressed, enters from the bedroom. Faye: Hi, Niles. Niles: Oh, I'm up to speed! Frasier: Morning. Faye: Well, I guess I'll just be... Frasier suddenly shushes her and begins whispering. Faye: What? Frasier: Uh, we just noticed there's a nest of baby hummingbirds on the balcony. And we're just keeping our voices down. You run along. Faye: [skeptical] Hummingbirds made it to the 19th floor? Frasier: Yes, well they're-they're Himalayan mountain hummers. Faye: Uh huh. Frasier: Very rare. Bye bye. Faye: Okay, I'll see you later, Frasier. [they kiss] Faye finally leaves through the front door. Frasier stands there in relief after the two women are kept apart. However at that moment, Cassandra opens the powder room door which slams right into Frasier. Cassandra: What are you doing? Frasier: [covering] I was just standing guard. The door is... lock's broken and sometimes Dad just wanders in. Cassandra glances at Martin, who looks mad while Daphne looks smug. Cassandra: Well, I know you've got your game so I'll just get out of your hair. Frasier: Right. Cassandra: Goodbye, everyone. Cassandra about to leave but Frasier looks through the spy hole in the door and sees Faye still waiting for the elevator. Frasier: Aren't I going to get a hug first? Cassandra: Of course. Frasier basically pins her against the door as he takes another look through the spy hole. Cassandra: Are you alright? Frasier: Oh yes, it's just so hard to say goodbye to you. He sees Faye getting into the lift and the doors closing. He releases Cassandra. Frasier: Well, time's a wasting, off you go, bye-bye! Frasier shuts the door and nearly collapses in relief. Niles: Got anymore hiding in the grotto, Hef? Frasier: Oh, for God's sakes... oh, I'm just not up to this sort of thing - what made me think I could juggle? Martin: I sure as hell don't know - you couldn't catch a balloon 'til you were ten. Frasier: Yes, thank you, Dad! You see, my problem is that each of them appeals to different sides of my personality. Faye is artistic and cerebral and cultured, and Cassandra is passionate and fun and spontaneous. Martin: Well, my vote sure goes for Cassandra. Daphne: Oh, you would say that. Any young woman who shows you any attention, you're ready to sign over your pension check! I think he should go for Faye. Martin: Oh, Faye, Faye - if he wants some boring, artsy-fartsy conversation, he's got Niles! Daphne nods in agreement with this sentence as Niles just stares at him until Frasier breaks the ice: Frasier: Yes, well my point is that I'm really torn here. I feel as if I honestly cannot choose. Niles: I think I might be able to help you with this. [takes out a quarter] Heads, it's Faye; Tails, Cassandra. Daphne: [sarcastic] Oh, this is the sort of thing that makes a woman feel really special! Frasier: Niles, you're actually going to flip a coin? The decision cannot be made that simply. Martin: Well, it's not going to be that simple. The chances of Niles catching that quarter are about the same as you... Frasier: Enough, Dad! Niles: Just go with me on this, Frasier. Heads, it's Faye; tails, Cassandra. He is about to flip the coin when he notices Martin and Daphne looking at him waiting for him to drop it. Niles decides he can better them and takes the coin straight to the back of his hand. Niles: And the winner is... [points at Frasier] Admit it! You want me to say one name more than the other. Frasier: Niles, you're right, I do - Cassandra. Martin/Daphne: [raising his arms] Yes!/Oh! Niles: There you have it. Frasier: Thank you, thank you, Niles. Wow, what a relief. You know, my life was perfectly happy before Faye came back, you know? Yes, yes, it's Cassandra - she's the one. Next time I see Faye I'll just have to tell her it's over. Oh gosh, Niles, I'm sorry - I'm afraid we've lost our court again. Do you mind if we reschedule it just once more? Niles: All right, that's fine. Martin: I've got to hand it to you, Frasier. You had a tough decision to make, but you made it. Heck, I can't even decide whether to have the strawberry or the grape jelly. Niles: Well, Dad, I stil have my trusty quarter. Let's say heads, grape; tails, strawberry. Niles flips the coin and it smacks him right between the eyes. He falls over in pain, taking half of Frasier's ornaments with him as he goes. Martin: [shaking his head] You've got to wonder what goes on, on that squash court. Daphne nods in agreement. End Of Act One. (Time: 11:30) Act Two. Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. The following morning, identical to the first line of Act One, Martin and Daphne enter the kitchen. Martin: You know what I could go for this morning? A big old Spanish omelet. Daphne: Here's your bran flakes. However, this time Martin just stares at it. He is upset because the bowl isn't his usual yellow one - it's red. Martin: What's that? Daphne: Your yellow bowl broke in the dishwasher. Martin: Well, don't you have another one? Daphne: Afraid not. Martin: Well - red, yellow - what difference does it make? Yet it does make a difference. When Daphne opens the fridge they both go to the top shelf at the same time and hurt their heads. They then do the same on the bottom shelf. Then when Daphne shuts the fridge door she is still rubbing her head when Martin throws the toast out of the toaster. It falls to the floor. Martin: No, I don't like this red bowl - it's thrown everything off! Daphne: You know, I think we do have another yellow bowl. Why don't you go and sit down and I'll fetch it for you. Martin: Okay. [leaves] Daphne: [takes Eddie's bowl] Back off, I need this! As Daphne takes Eddie's bowl and begins to wash it, Martin enters the living room to find Frasier perched on the sofa arm. Frasier: Oh, morning, Dad. Martin: Everything go alright with Faye last night? She didn't take the breakup too hard, did she? Frasier: Not really. Martin: Well, I'm sure she realizes, pretty as she is, that she won't be alone for long. Faye enters in the blue robe. Faye: Good morning, Martin. Martin: What'd I tell you? [doorbell rings; to Faye] Hi, how you doing? I'll get this. As he goes to the door, Faye drops her voice and playfully drums her fists on Frasier's chest. Faye: I had an incredible time last night. Frasier: Me too. [kisses her] Martin opens the door to Niles, wearing his squash gear. Niles: Morning, all! [sees Frasier & Faye] Oh, forget it. He leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Café Nervosa. Later that day, Niles and Frasier are sitting down at the front table in the café. They are discussing the morning. Frasier: Niles. [sits down] Niles: Frasier. Frasier: Glad you're here. Look, I'm so sorry about this morning. Niles: Oh, oh, oh, not at all, I ended up playing an exhilarating game with Chip Emery. Frasier: Oh. Niles: I won two out of three sets, and if you recall, Chip was club champion four years running. Frasier: Yes, and I also recall that that record comes with an asterisk: I believe his streak was interrupted by World War Two. Niles: [pouring milk into his coffee] It was Korea and you know it! Frasier: [to waiter] Can I have my usual, please? Niles: So why was Faye at your apartment this morning? Frasier: Well, actually I almost made a terrible mistake. Last night, I was prepared to break things off with her - and then suddenly we fell into this marvelous conversation about architecture. And as it turns out, she detests the design of the Bilbao art museum as much as I do. Niles: [understanding] And you almost let her go. Frasier: Yes, exactly! Well, you know, Cassandra is a wonderful woman. But, well, Faye and I have a, a deeper connection - and to be fair, actually, she was the first to plant her flag on "Terra Frasier." Niles: I'm starting to think Napoleon had a Frasier complex. Frasier: Yes, all right! Cassandra comes into the cafe. Frasier: Oh, there's Cassandra. I asked her here for coffee - I was going to tell her that we can't see each other any longer. Niles: [getting up] Good luck. Frasier: Thank you, thank you, Niles. As Niles orders another coffee at the bar, Frasier calls Cassandra over and they sit at the table. Frasier: Cassandra. Cassandra: Hi, honey. Frasier: Hi. [kisses her] Cassandra: [to waiter] Double Espresso, please. [to Frasier] I have great news. Frasier: Really? Cassandra: Those new promos are working wonders. I just got the numbers and you're really scoring with women between the ages of 25 and 49. Frasier: [breaking the ice] Well, that's not always a good thing. Cassandra: You alright? Frasier: Actually, I-I wanted to talk to you about our relationship. You see, I... Cassandra: I know where we're going: a serious talk. Frasier: You see, there comes a time in every relationship when you have to decide... Cassandra: I know, whether we're going to be exclusive or not. I've been wanting to talk to you about that too. Frasier: [happy] You have? Cassandra: Yes. You see, I thought you should know that I've been seeing someone else. Frasier: [confused] Really?! Cassandra: Does that bother you? Frasier: No, no, no, no, actually, not at all. Cassandra: Oh, good. Frasier: Anyway, what I wanted to say was that- [still worried] well, how long you been seeing this other fellow? Cassandra: Not very long. You're not upset, are you? Frasier: No, no, no, no. Actually, I was about to say- well, uh, what does he do? Cassandra: He owns his own venture capital firm. Although he spends most of his time racing sail boats and rebuilding trails for the Sierra Club. Frasier: Oh really, seems a little unfocused, doesn't he?! Frasier angrily reaches for a plastic stirrer, and like a madman swirls his sugar into his coffee. Cassandra picks up the signs. Cassandra: You are upset, aren't you? Frasier: No, no, no, no. Cassandra: Really, there's no reason to be jealous of Sloan! Frasier: [chuckling] Believe me, I am not jealous of Sloan! [licking his stirrer] If anything, I pity the man who has to go through life with a pretentious name like that! Cassandra: Frasier! Frasier: Alright, fine, fine. You know what, let's just drop the whole thing, alright? Cassandra: Now, about those new promos.... Frasier: Cassandra, I want us to be exclusive! Cassandra: What? Frasier: Yes well, I'm the kind of person who can make a decision and commit to it. And I was hoping that you might be that sort of person too. Cassandra: Frasier, I'm so touched. If you only want us to be with each other - that's great. I was supposed to see Sloan tonight, but I'm going to call him and cancel. Frasier: Oh, that's wonderful - oh my god, that means we can spend the night together. Frasier and Cassandra kiss as she leaves to call Sloan. Niles comes over to the table, sees Frasier's ear-to-ear grin, and understands. Niles: Looks like she took the news well - are you insane?! Frasier: Niles, I almost made a terrible mistake. Niles: What could possibly have happened in the last four minutes to make you change your mind again? Frasier: Actually, when Cassandra told me that she was seeing somebody else, it awakened something in me. Niles: Oh, petty jealousy? Frasier: No! The realization that I couldn't bear to lose her. Niles: Yes, and the minute you see Faye you'll reverse yourself again! Frasier: No, no, I won't. I'll prove it to you. Cassandra is the one! I'm sure of it. Frasier takes his mobile and phones Faye. Frasier: [to Niles] Oh, her machine. [into phone] Yes, Faye - it's Frasier. Uh, listen, I won't be able to join you for dinner tonight, but perhaps you could call me later - we need to talk. [hangs up] There, I've done it. Nothing says, "It's over between us" quite like the phrase "we need to talk." You see, that was my problem, actually - I kept leaving the door open. Niles: Well, I'm very proud of you, Frasier. Frasier: Thank you. Niles: An enlightened man is he who can learn from his mistakes. Squash tomorrow morning? Frasier: Nine AM, my place. Niles: See you then. Niles walks out of the café as Cassandra comes down after chatting with Sloan. Cassandra: Well, I called him. [sits with Frasier] I probably should feel guilty but I'm just so glad it's just the two of us now. Frasier: I'm ecstatic. Cassandra: I know a cute little bed-and-breakfast we can go to this weekend. Frasier: Oh, really? Cassandra: [to waiter bringing her coffee] Thank you. As Cassandra begins chatting to Frasier, he begins mentally reviewing the situation: Frasier: [v.o] What a relief this is. I've made my choice. Look at her, I've found an angel... an angel who wears an awful lot of makeup. I've never noticed that before. Faye doesn't paint her face up like that. Cassandra: And they have the cutest little four poster beds in each room. Frasier: That sounds lovely. [v.o] My, she uses the word "cute" a lot. I'm cute, this café is cute, now the bed is cute. Faye used the word "jejeune" last night. Cassandra: Oh, you know, I meant to tell you, I really liked how you handled that nasty caller yesterday. It was such a clever way of... Frasier: [v.o] God, all she talks about is work, work, work. And now I'll see her every morning before work, and at work, and after work. I feel trapped! Can't breathe... Wait! What are you doing? It's just your fear talking. She's a wonderful woman. She's the one. She's perfect! Cassandra: And then I ran into Roz after the show, and she told me the cutest little story that... Frasier: [aloud] Cassandra... we need to talk. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Faye's Apartment. That evening, someone is frantically ringing the doorbell. Faye, wearing a short, tide-dyed t-shirt, answers the door. Faye: Frasier? Frasier: Faye, hi. [enters] Uh, look, we-we really need to talk. Faye: I know, I got your message. I thought you couldn't see me tonight. Frasier: Yes, well I just had some unfinished business with the promotions department, but that's all done now. Faye: Well, I wish you would had called, I would have put something on. [she pulls her t-shirt down] Frasier: No, no, you look beautiful. Listen, Faye: I-I want us to be exclusive. Faye: [surprised] What? Frasier: Yes, I want to take our relationship to the next level. I just want to be with you. Faye: Wow. I'm a little surprised. You said "we need to talk" on the machine, and you know, that usually means it's over. Frasier: [acting the innocent] Really? I had no idea. Faye: Well, this is wonderful! They hug. Frasier: Oh God, so it's just you and me. God, this is exhilarating. Faye: Well, this is turning out to be the best day ever. Because, well, okay, Chris McKenna - the restaurant critic? - he comes over to the restaurant this morning and... As Faye tells her little story, Frasier again reviews his situation. Frasier: [v.o] What is she thinking with that ridiculous shirt? Tie-dyed?! Stop it, Frasier. You can't do this to yourself. This is nothing more than the natural panic of finally making your choice. Faye: ...and it turned out that the printer had messed up, and the menu said "flab" instead of "flan!" Frasier: [laughs] That is so precious. [v.o] And so is she, precious. My Faye - Faye, as in Faye-vourite. This feels so much better now that I've relaxed. I was about to doom this whole relationship with my neurotic nitpicking. But it's clear sailing now. Faye: Well, enough about me. How was your day? Frasier: Well, it certainly ended well. [she smiles and caresses his cheek] Although something funny did happen at the station it was during the second hour of my show... Faye: [v.o] My God, he really does love to talk about himself. [glances down] Is that another new pair of shoes? He's got more shoes than I do! Faye then decides it's best not to nitpick, and laughs at his joke as we FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Apartment In the kitchen, Eddie doesn't seem to be touching his water. It is in the red bowl that Martin couldn't use at the start of Act Two. So Daphne goes into the room to get Martin's yellow bowl that originally was Eddie's. Martin refuses to give it to her until he eats his last bran flake. Daphne then rushes into the kitchen with it and fills it with water. She then lays it down in front of Eddie who merrily drinks from it. Guest Appearances Special Guest Stars VIRGINIA MADSEN as Cassandra AMY BRENNEMAN as Faye Quick Synopsis {kathy churay} ACT ONE Scene One - Frasier's Apartment - Morning Martin and Daphne are in the kitchen, maneuvering around one another with the balletic grace and split-second timing of long practice. They've obviously got it down to a science, including the same old ritual complaints and Martin feeding the dog a forbidden piece of toast. They move to the living room with breakfast and Frasier emerges from his room in a cheerful mood. He reveals that he has asked out Cassandra again, the same women he dated ambiguously in the Valentine's day episode. Martin and Daphne jump to the obvious conclusion and start comforting him over his failed romance, only to be embarrassed when Cassandra herself emerges from the bedroom in a dressing gown. She is full of flattery and compliments for Martin, who is thoroughly charmed, though she all but ignores Daphne. Frasier suggests Daphne make breakfast for Cassandra, but Daphne just glares and Cassandra goes off to the kitchen to make it herself as Daphne does a dead-on imitation of Cassandra's flattery, complete with American accent. Niles comes to the door in his squash outfit, full of reproof for Frasier at not even being dressed for their game. Frasier tells him they will have to reschedule because he had a date last night. Niles too leaps to conclusions and starts comforting Frasier. "A brisk game of squash will be the best thing for you. I can't think of a better way to lift your spirits." As Cassandra emerges from the kitchen, Frasier remarks dryly, "Keep thinking." Of All The Coffee Joints In All The Towns In All The World... Scene Two - Cafe Nervosa Frasier is having coffee with Roz and smugly recounting the latest chapter of his romance with Cassandra. Roz is a bit nauseated by him but tries gamely to stay interested. Finally Frasier asks about her life, and Roz excitedly tells him the plans for Alice's first birthday party the following Sunday. Frasier just looks at her blankly and Roz gives up trying to keep his attention, changing the subject back to Frasier and his love life. Just then Faye Moskowitz happens by. Frasier greets her with a big hug and Faye tells him she just got back from a month in France. She had left him a message but Roz forgot to deliver it. Roz sees which way the wind is blowing and gets up to leave, giving her seat to Faye. Faye happily accepts and goes outside to put money in her parking meter. Frasier panics and says he can't have coffee with Faye because he's dating Cassandra. Roz asks him whether he and and Cassandra have agreed to date each other exclusively, and Frasier has to admit they haven't. In that case, Roz advises, he's under no obligation not to see other women, although he could keep things platonic with Faye if that would make him feel better. He asks her how to tell Faye such a thing, but Roz has never had to do that and can't think of the words. Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment - The Next Morning Martin and Daphne are making breakfast again, doing their usual graceful ballet around one another. As they move to the breakfast table Frasier enters in his dressing gown, and Martin asks him if he had a date the night before. In answer Frasier holds up two coffee cups instead of his usual one, and Martin compliments him on his choice of women. "Women like Cassandra don't come along every day." Daphne is amused when the woman who comes out of the bedroom in one of Frasier's bathrobes is not Cassandra but Faye. Faye greets them and compliments Daphne on her new haircut. Daphne beams and offers to fix her breakfast, but Faye declines and heads for the bedroom to get dressed. Frasier is following her with the coffee when the doorbell rings, and it's Cassandra with a bag of pastry. Frasier nervously begs off and tells her that he has a squash game with Niles, so Cassandra starts to leave, only to make a side trip to the powder room. Frasier grimly admits Niles, who has shown up for the rescheduled squash game. Frasier: (sotto voce) "This is a disaster!" Niles: "What is?" Faye: (now fully dressed) "Hi, Niles." Niles: "Oh, I'm up to speed!" Frasier hustles Faye quickly out of the apartment just in time as Cassandra exits the bathroom and tries to leave. Frasier keeps hugging her and playing for time until he can see through the front door peephole that Faye has boarded the elevator and left Then he practically shoves Cassandra out the door. Niles teases him about his plethora of women and Frasier defends himself by saying that each of them appeals to a different side of his personality -- Cassandra to the passionate, earthy side and Faye to the cultural, arty side. Martin makes it clear he prefers Cassandra and Daphne gives him a hard time about his susceptibility to flattery. Niles attempts to help Frasier decide by offering to flip a coin, but stops at the last minute and forces Frasier to admit he wants one woman to be the winner of the coin toss. Frasier finally comes clean -- Cassandra is the one he prefers, to Martin's delight and Daphne's consternation. Martinc compliments Frasier on his ability to make a tough choice, saying that he himself can't decide between two kinds of jam. Niles offers to help Martin decide and flips the coin, hitting himself in the head and causing one of his patented disastrous Niles pratfalls. Martin and Daphne don't bat an eye. ACT TWO Scene One - Frasier's Apartment - The Next Morning Martin and Daphne are doing their morning ballet, only this time Martin's favorite yellow cereal bowl has broken in the dishwasher and he has to use a different one. This is enough to throw off his entire morning ritual, and he and Daphne keep bumping into one another till Daphne offers to find another yellow bowl somewhere around. She pushes Martin out of the kitchen and grabs Eddie's yellow water bowl to give it a quick wash. Martin asks Frasier how his breakup with Faye had gone the day before, but doesn't need to wonder for long as Faye once again appears in Frasier's bathrobe. Niles shows up at the front door ready for squash, but promptly turns around and leaves in disgust when he sees Faye. Scene Two - Cafe Nervosa - Later That Day Niles is having coffee as Frasier bustles in to apologize for missing the squash game for the third time. Niles is trying to understand Frasier's logic in spending the night with Faye, and Frasier explains that his conversation with Faye had just led him to understand that he and Faye had a deeper connection than with Cassandra. In fact, he has asked Cassandra to meet him at the cafe so that he can tell her goodbye. Just then she comes into the cafe, and Niles makes himself scarce. Cassandra sits down and Frasier begins the conversation tensely. Cassandra clearly thinks he's going to call things off and tells him not to feel bad -- she's been dating someone else. Frasier tries to complete his speech but is badly thrown by Cassandra's news. In fact, he's so overcome with jealousy that he ends up asking her to date him exclusively. Cassandra is pleased and begins to chatter on happily, as in voiceover we hear Frasier's doubts begin to surface about her every little flaw. She goes off to make a phone call to her other boyfriend and call off that evening's date, and Niles comes over to the table, having seen the whole thing from across the room. Niles gave Frasier a hard time about his sudden change of heart. Frasier, of course, insists that Cassandra is the only woman for him, and calls Faye his cell phone to break it off with her right then. She isn't home, so he leaves a message cancelling their dinner plans for that evening and telling her ominously, "We need to talk." But as soon as Cassandra returns to the table his doubts return, and he breaks things off with her. Scene Three - Faye's Apartment - That Evening Frasier comes to Faye's apartment and asks her to date him exclusively. Faye is surprised and happy and tells him that she will. They sit on the couch and Frasier's doubts begin running audibly through his mind again, only this time they were immediately followed by Faye's doubts about Frasier, which we can also hear. "Are those new shoes again? He has more shoes than I do..." [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Apartment - Morning Daphne gives Eddie some water from the red bowl that Martin rejected the day before. Obviously it isn't Eddie's favorite because he won't drink from it. Daphne goes to the dining room and hovers over Martin until he finishes eating his breakfast cereal and hands the bowl over to her disgustedly. Daphne bolts to the kitchen and fills it with water for Eddie, who drinks happily.	Plan: A: breakfast; Q: When does Frasier announce that he had a date the previous evening? A: Martin; Q: Who takes a shine to Cassandra? A: Daphne; Q: Who prefers Faye? A: their sympathies; Q: What do Martin and Daphne offer to Frasier when he announces he had a date? A: their tune; Q: What do Martin and Daphne change when Cassandra appears? A: the bedroom; Q: Where does Cassandra appear from? A: his eyes; Q: What does Cassandra compliment Martin on? A: squash; Q: What sport did Niles want to play with Frasier? A: good feelings; Q: What does Frasier have about his new relationship? A: Faye at Café Nervosa; Q: Who does Frasier run into in Paris? A: a month; Q: How long has Faye been in Paris? A: no idea; Q: What does Faye have about Frasier's new girlfriend? A: the next morning; Q: When does Faye find out that Frasier is dating two women? A: her new haircut; Q: What did Daphne admire about Faye? A: the squash game; Q: What does Niles have to reschedule when he learns of the date? A: a trick; Q: What does Niles use to get Frasier to choose between the two women? A: his choice; Q: What does Niles convince Frasier to make? A: one relationship; Q: How many relationships does Frasier have to end? Summary: Frasier announces at breakfast that he had a date the previous evening, and Martin and Daphne immediately offer their sympathies. They change their tune when Cassandra appears from the bedroom. Martin takes a shine to her when she greets him with a hug and compliments him on his eyes; she barely acknowledges Daphne, and then forgets her name. Niles arrives to play squash with Frasier, and has to cancel when he learns about the date. Frasier has good feelings about this new relationship, until he runs into Faye at Café Nervosa . She has been in Paris for a month, and has no idea that Frasier has a new girlfriend, and he finds himself unable to tell her. She is still with him the next morning, so the rest of the family realise that he is dating two women. Frasier soon comes to the decision that he cannot juggle two women, and must choose between them. Martin advocates choosing Cassandra; Daphne prefers Faye, who noticed and admired her new haircut. Niles turns up, and discovers he has to re-schedule the squash game again, but he has a trick for compelling Frasier to make his choice. Unfortunately, even when the choice is made, Frasier still has to end one relationship, and this proves more difficult than he expected.
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen - Ryan is sitting at the kitchen table studying intently and Seth walks in looking at a photo album Seth: hey man, what's goin on (looks up and sees) Ryan: studying Seth: (frustrated) will you punch someone please (Ryan looks at him) for old times sake (Ryan goes back to studying) alright fine algorithms are the new upper cut I got it (pulls out chair) Ryan: hmm Seth: (flicks through the photo album) wow (sits down) now I see it Ryan: (looks up) see what Seth: i've ben lookin through old photos of my mom (we see the photo he's referring to, Kirsten looks to be about the age Lindsay is now) lookin for resemblances to Lindsay, look at that (shows Ryan) Ryan: (takes the album) (sighs) are you tryin'a make this more awkward for me (looks at the photo) Seth: what! it's not like you dating Lindsay's full on incest, your not even really related (Ryan looks at him) (raises his eyebrows) well your not you wouldn't get arrested, you wouldn't have chromosomally challenged children (Ryan nods) Ryan: Kirsten's like my mom Lindsay is (looks back at the photo) ...clearly her sister Seth: (screws up his face) it is kinda weird Ryan: (worried) ugh, the fact that your mom doesn't know that i'm dating her sister (raises his eyebrows) its alot weird Seth: I think they did a storyline like this on The Valley once (gets up from the table) Ryan: great, could you tell me how it ends then Seth: well you just have to ask yourself the question Ryan, is she your girlfriend (points) or is she your aunt (Sandy comes in) Sandy: ah yes, the age old question (opens the fridge) Seth: that's right, its the story as old as time really (Ryan looks at him) boy meets girl, boy likes girl (Sandy smiles) boy finds out girl is surrogate mothers illegitimate half sister (Ryan shuts the photo album, frustrated) Sandy: i'm guessin its too soon ta joke Seth, even for a Cohen (Seth makes a funny face, as if to say I don't know. he's also now sitting at the counter) Ryan: (gets up) (sighs) I jus don't know what to do you know, what to say Seth: well have you talked ta Lindsay Ryan: (sits with Seth at the counter) nah I wanted'a give her space over winter break, let her figure everything out Sandy: (holds his hands out) that's all ya can do, an if she comes back an decides she wants to be part of this family- Ryan: then we're done dating huh Sandy: unless you wanna move to the South Seth: mm Sandy: uh- Kirsten doesn't know your seein Lindsay right Ryan: she thinks we're just friends Sandy: good cause I think its best if the Mrs. doesn't find out (in the background we hear foot steps, Sandy looks towards the doorway. Kirsten walks in) Kirsten: well that's something that every wife wants to hear... doesn't find out what (Seth avoids looking at his mom, and Ryan looks down) Sandy: how much I love you Kirsten: (looks at Sandy with a 'please' expression) Sandy (Sandy kisses her head) (smiles) Sandy: yes Kirsten: you don't have'ta lie to me (Seth looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Seth) I know that Renee's testimony is today an my fathers going free at the same time: Sandy: yeah Seth: sharp as a tack, it's just like, laser beam Ryan: that's it, cant get by you Kirsten: but that doesn't mean I have'ta forgive him, not after what he did to Lindsay, that poor girl (walks passed Seth and Ryan to the kitchen table. Ryan turns to watch her) i've ben thinking, we should do something for her (sits) (Ryan, Sandy and Seth are all looking at her) this girl grew up not knowing wh-who she is or where she's from an we're her family Ryan: if she wants us Seth: (to Ryan, teasingly) oh she wants us Ryan: I mean, you guys Kirsten: well you too Ryan, your as much a part'a this family as any of us (Ryan looks worried) I mean if she's my sister (points) she's your aunt (Seth smiles) Sandy: well thanks for clearin that one up honey Kirsten: (smiles) actually she's so young, she's more like your sister Seth: (looks at Ryan) oooh, hey (smiles) a sister I always wanted one'a those, Ryan how bout you (Ryan looks at Seth, overwhelmed by it all) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school - Marissa and Summer are walking and talking in the student lounge Summer: don't worry about it Coop, its no biggy Marissa: what're you talking about, when Seth met your dad it almost ended the relationship (they sit at a table together, with their coffees) Summer: hm, well DJ meeting your dad can't be worse then when he met your mom (smiles) Marissa: I suppose this time he will be wearing clothes Summer: (thinks) hm I don't know, DJ without his clothes on, pretty undeniable (Marissa smiles) (laughs) look it'll be fine, your dads totally chilled, he wont judge Marissa: it's just, he's the only sane person in my family, the only one who comes even close ta getting me (smiles) an I really want him to like DJ (Zach walks in and sees Summer and Marissa sitting together, Seth walks passed and Zach stops him) Zach: oh hey Seth (Seth turns around) what's up man Seth: (suprised) hey (shakes Zach's hand) what's goin on man Zach: hey, did you get my Christmas card Seth: I did, I appreciate the apology Zach: so uh, we're friends again then Seth: (macho) we're real men kay, red blooded meat eaters, occasionally from time to time we're gonna brawl (shakes his head) it's our nature Zach: so we can talk about stuff, confidential stuff an its cool Seth: yeah listen man, after all the trouble I caused i'm happy to have the chance to help so come on (they walk away from the student lounge) Zach: ok um...while I was in Cabot uh with my family uh I ran into an old girlfriend and uh we were at squid row?, late and... an we kinda kissed Seth: (suprised) (nods) alright well first question um, this old flame d'you still have feelings for her Zach: well I really like her kids (Seth raises his eyebrows, shocked) uh she's a little older then me, she was my math tutor when I was fourteen (Seth screws his face up, even more shocked) Seth: holy...eighties teen comedy plot Zach: she's in the middle of a divorce, she had had alotta tequila, Chingy was playing Seth: wh-wh-whoa, Chingy an Tequila (nods, points) seduction has no two finer allies Zach: it was just a quick kiss an then I like ran outta there but (softer) I feel really guilty Seth: well man if it was anybody else, I would say keep it to yourself you will lead a much happier life Zach: (shakes his head) no I-I can't do that Seth: I know, because you have a conscience or whatever so you gotta be honest with Summer then, tell her you feel terrible (Zach nods) an tell her that all it did was make you realise how much you like her...an definitely do not mention the ex having kids an multiple divorces, you should be fine Zach: you think so Seth: yeah it'll be good Zach: an your not gonna...tell anyone are you Seth: Zach, even if I wanted to the code (shakes his head) it dictates, I cannot (raises his eyebrows) (the bell goes. we see Ryan walking in the hall, and he sees Lindsay) Ryan: hey Lindsay: (smiles) hey Ryan: uhh (they hug awkwardly) at the same time: Ryan: how was your vacation Lindsay: how have you ben Ryan: (looks down) uh (Lindsay looks down, they both smile and begin to walk) Ryan: I wanted to call you I- Lindsay: no...i'm...glad you didn't (Ryan looks at her) (explains) I-I mean, I wanted to talk to you but...I haven't really ben in the fame of mind to talk to anyone about anything Ryan: (worried) not even your mom? Lindsay: uhh not until i've completed several hundred hours of intense...psycho-therapy (nods) which was a very thoughtful gift from her by the way Ryan: well if you need some more time, I mean...if you don't wanna hang out right now uh (frowns) or ever Lindsay: uh I-I do (Ryan smiles) (laughs) we just need to find our own personal Switzerland (Ryan's still smiling) some place neutral, an we cant hang out at my house cause my moms there an...can't hang out at your house Ryan: (unsure if he's using the right term) cause your sisters there... Lindsay: (laughs) she's not...my um...I mean I guess technically she is but- Ryan: jus so I can be clear on what everybody is to everybody, you an the Cohen's? Lindsay: friends (nods) there my friends Ryan: an me an you Lindsay: more then friends...? (smiles) Ryan: (nods) more then friends Lindsay: an definitely not related (shakes her head) I don't want this to be like kissing your sister Ryan: (looks at her) that thought never crossed my mind (his expression is saying otherwise, he still looks unsure about the whole thing) CUT TO: Sandy and Caleb driving in the car - they are driving next to the water, and Sandy is in the passenger seat Caleb: gotta tell ya Sanford, you are one hell of a lawyer, the charges have ben dropped, the secrets of our situation have ben sealed by the courts, you did it (happy) i'm a free man Sandy: (looks at Caleb) and a smug one too Caleb: excuse me for wringing a little joy out of the one bit'a good news I had for some time Sandy: yeah well never mind the fact that the news came at the expense'a your family (looks at Caleb) or did you fail to notice Kirsten's absence at the hearing thi'smorning Caleb: no, I know i've got some work to do on my relationship with my daughter Sandy: now which daughter are we talkin about (looks at Caleb) Caleb: i'm not saying its goin'a be easy with Kirsten but, once I get back to work I can lighten her load Sandy: whoa whoa, wait-wait-wait back to work Caleb: now that the scandals gone there's no reason for me to distance myself from the Newport group Sandy: (laughs) except for the fact that the woman running the company hates you Caleb: which woman are we talkin about CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - Julie is talking to Kirsten on the phone. Jimmy is standing behind her with 2 drinks in his hands Julie: (off screen) well I hope he's not expecting a party in his honor (on screen) yeah i'll-i'll see ya back at the office, bye Kirsten (hangs up) Jimmy: he's free Julie: (unenthusiastically) he's free (sits) Jimmy: might have'ta spike these drinks, I don't know if there-there strong enough Julie: (laughs) he uh he wont serve any jail time that's it it's just- Jimmy: over... Julie: (looks at Jimmy) what're we talking about here Jimmy, Caleb...or us Jimmy: (drinks) hmm definitely not strong enough Julie: well I (stands) should get back to the office...back to my life huh (Julie looks at Jimmy, Jimmy looks back at her, Julie walks forward and kisses Jimmy on the cheek then starts to walk away) Julie: (stops) but what if it wasn't my life (Jimmy looks at her) what if I could just...walk away from it Jimmy: well that would depend on...what you were walking to (Julie walks towards Jimmy and kisses him urgently, like she's been wanting to do it the whole time) Julie: maybe we did need this time apart...to appreciate each other, what we had Jimmy: but what if we...can't ever have it again Julie: i'm willing to find out if you are (Julie kisses Jimmy's neck and Jimmy looks as though he's thinking, Julie kisses him on the lips and Jimmy kisses back, they walk into the cabin while still kissing) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Lindsay walking towards the car park and she stops, we see what made her stop which is Kirsten standing next to the range rover. she walks over towards Lindsay Kirsten: hi, I hope you don't mind me showing up like this, I was wondering if I could give you a ride home Lindsay: oh uh (points) thanks but I have a car (starts walking, Kirsten walks beside her) a-an there's a better then fifty fifty chance (laughs) it'll actually start Kirsten: uh I know there's no right way to do this, and FTD doesn't make a- Lindsay: happy...suprise sister bouquet (smiles) Kirsten: (nods/smiles) and uh I know your not on the market for any new relatives but, how bout a friend (shrugs) we could go grab a friendly cup'a coffee Lindsay: yeah a...friendly cup'a coffee would be cool (nods) CUT TO: The dock - Marissa and DJ are walking towards Jimmy's yacht Marissa: you have nothing to be nervous about, it's gonna be great (rubs DJ's shoulder) DJ: (excited) what's he into, does he like sports Marissa: (fixes DJ's collar) uh he really likes ESPN classics DJ: (looks ahead) is that your mom (Marissa looks) (we see what they are seeing, which is Julie on the deck of Jimmy's yacht, Jimmy comes up behind her and grabs her shoulders. we then see a close up of DJ, then a very shocked/confused Marissa. we see Julie and Jimmy kissing in each others arms. we see another close up of Marissa, she is staring at her parents in disbelief. she grabs DJ's hand and leads him away from the yacht) CUT TO: Alex's apartment - Seth knocks on the door Seth: (yells) Alex its Seth (knocks again) come on I came over to welcome you back (knocks) (door opens) (suprised) you've really changed...over break wow (we see what Seth is seeing, which is a shirtless guy, who looks really out of it) Guy: who are you Seth: ahh just um a guy, I probably have the wrong apartment sorry (walks away) Alex: (off screen) Seth (shirtless guy goes back inside and Alex stands at the door, she looks just as out of it) Seth: (walks back) hey Alex: (frowns) what're you doing here Seth: I came over to say hi, see how your vacation was...I didn't realise I need to bring my own tourniquet Alex: sorry (walks outside with rubbish) I just I didn't...expect you to be here...especially so early in the morning I Seth: it's...three thirty in the afternoon, family vacations really take it out of ya huh Alex: oh yeah I-I bailed on family early, jus came back to catch up with old friends (puts the rubbish in the bin) Seth: wait, so you've ben back for a while an you didn't...I don't know call me Alex: i've ben catching up with old friends Seth: who? the large shirtless guy (points) that answered the door, ? ass not remotely jealous Alex: you know I am...so hung over right now I jus think- Seth: are you (touches her arm) (concerned) well have you-have you-have you eaten anything, you want me ta maybe put some coffee on or fix you a sandwich Alex: (looks at Seth) fix me a sandwich (a girl walks out of the door, also out of it) Girl: hey Alex (Alex looks towards her just as 2 more guys walk out) we're gonna go grab some smokes an some more beer so we'll be right back Alex: ok Seth: (sort smiles at the friends as they walk passed) ok i'm tryin'a do the math here and uh (Alex yawns) well I have a few questions Alex: I will (walks backwards towards the doorway) answer all of your questions tonight at the Modest Mouse concert kay (Seth looks at her) it's just my head (frowns) is...killing me an (swallows) so it was nice to see you (Seth gives up) really nice of you to stop by (nods) really nice (shuts the door) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy, Ryan and Seth are all cooking/preparing dinner. Sandy is standing at the counter chopping vegies, and Seth puts a pot of water on the stove. Ryan takes cucumbers to the counter to peel them, Seth stands between Sandy and Ryan near the corn Seth: nice, she kept saying the word nice, you know what that means don't you Sandy: aww, she thinks you're nice Seth: yeah exactly nice, as in lacking any edge, and or danger Ryan: yeah, well you did offer ta fix her a sandwich Seth: (cringes) ugh I know, it's like the more edgy an dangerous she became the more I became like a...Jewish grandmother Sandy: not your grandmother (stern) keep shuckin Seth I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home Seth: (slams the corn on the counter and holds it at Sandy like a weapon) (tries to be a 'bad boy') HEY (Ryan looks up) (yells) maybe I don't feel like shuckin these ok an maybe you should go an shuck'em yourself old man (stomps his foot) (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth points the corn at Sandy again trying to keep up the bad boy routine. Sandy looks at Seth then begins to laugh, Ryan also laughs) Ryan: (still laughing) that was good (Seth puts the corn down on the counter, frustrated) Sandy: (still laughing) y-ya had me shakin in my boots Seth: yeah, i'm so screwed, Bruce Banner gets mad he turns inta the Hulk, I get mad I turn inta like a seventy five year old...yenta, named Sylvia (Kirsten comes in with shopping bags then walks into the kitchen) Kirsten: hey, look at all this, you guys makin dinner (smiles) Sandy: (shrugs) we wanted'ta suprise ya Kirsten: I have a little suprise myself, look who's joining us (Lindsay comes into view with more shopping bags. Ryan looks over to her, suprised) Sandy: ooooh Kirsten: we were having coffee an an (Lindsay smiles) and uh we were talking an then we did a little shopping, alotta shopping Lindsay: yeah Kirsten: and uh next thing you know it was dinner time Lindsay: (unsure) I hope you guys don't mind me crashing Sandy: no, no no not at all Seth: no I think dinner with all of us will be really nice (looks at Ryan) don't you Ryan (Ryan looks at Lindsay, Lindsay looks at Ryan, Kirsten smiles oblivious, Ryan looks at Seth) Ryan: nice, yeah... (Lindsay smiles then looks down) CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - Jimmy is on the deck and Marissa walks up to him Jimmy: hey, kiddo Marissa: (softly) hey Jimmy: why did you an DJ cancel on me today (hugs Marissa) I was lookin forward'a meetin him Marissa: it just...wasn't a good time, I had alotta homework an he was really tired... (Jimmy's back is facing her) you were busy making out with mom Jimmy: (turns around) what (Marissa looks at him) Marissa, that-that what Marissa: dad! I saw you Jimmy: (sighs) ok, look (sits) I know how...it must'a looked Marissa: yeah, it looked alot like it use to when you would kiss mom (Jimmy sighs) but you know that was before she was married ta someone else Jimmy: look I wanted to talk to you about it, we both wanted to talk- Marissa: (upset) how could you get back together with her, I mean don't you remember how she ruined your life (raises her eyebrows) an mine Jimmy: ...well things are different now Marissa: (tears in her eyes) oh really, so your not back to lying, cheating an sneaking around again (Jimmy looks at her) I thought you were passed that (Jimmy looks down) I thought you were gonna take this new money an start over Jimmy: please let me-let me-let me explain Marissa: what's there to talk about (more upset) we already know how it ends, we already lived through this once (Jimmy puts his head down, not saying anything) ...you know for once I wish you would just grow up an be like a real dad (walks away) (Jimmy watches Marissa leave, then puts his head in his hands) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth is going through Ryan's clothes, wearing one of Ryan's wife beaters and a pair of jeans. Ryan comes through the door Ryan: (confused) what - are you doing Seth: hey I just uh I needed ta borrow a wife beater for tonight an I thought you had several so Ryan: yeah, yeah-yeah (frowns) an why are you wearing it Seth: well, Alex she called me nice Ryan so what i'm tryin'a do is cultivate more of a...more of a bad boy image Ryan: (looks at Seth {he looks rediculous, lol}) yeah I don't think that's gonna get the job done Seth: your right (clicks his fingers) I need to borrow your wrist cuff, oh hey also (points) d'you remember that choker you use to wear Ryan: (puts out his hand) no, just...no Seth: alright, your extra (sits on the step) broodish, what's up man is the Lindsay thing still bothering you Ryan: not at all, I mean (sighs) we had a really nice (sits) family dinner Seth: I know, I thought so (Ryan nods, then looks at Seth) which is part of the problem, right, got it Ryan: there shouldn't be a problem, I mean Lindsay wants to hang out with the sister she never knew she had I can't stand in the way...or make it all about me right Seth: no, that's somethin I would do (thinks) which is perfect because your becoming more like me (Ryan looks at him) which paves the way for me ta become the brooding bad boy (points) Ryan: you realise we're both screwed Seth: dude, i'm wearin a wife beater CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see a bit of Modest Mouse performing on stage and then we see Seth, Lindsay and Ryan enter up the top. we see more of the band then we see Seth walking towards the bar down the bottom, which Alex is working behind Seth: hey Alex: ah, hello (looks up) (Seth is holding a silver flask and Alex notices) Alex: what's that Seth: what's what, oh this (opens the flask and sniffs it) (plays it cool) this is my good friend John Alex: John... Seth: yeaaah, he's a good friend'a mine Alex: (frowns) what's John Seth: no I said, I said I said Jim...or uh no, no, I meant, what I meant to say was Jack, there all my friends (Seth takes a drink and Alex watches him, enjoying it. Seth turns away from her and screws up his face {because he doesn't like it} then swallows before turning back to face Alex) Seth: yeaaah (puts the lid back on) that ought'a take the edge off right there Alex: (sarcastic) yeah you guys seem real friendly Seth: super friendly, so if you need me i'm gonna be drinkin by the speaker (shakes his head) cause I don't care about tonight its, ok (Alex looks at him, then Seth does some weird motions with his hands, including the piece sign, then walks off. we see a bit more of the band performing) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy and Kirsten are sitting on one couch, and Jimmy is sitting opposite them on another Jimmy: uhhh i've got terrible news...really i've fallen in love with my ex wife Sandy: (suprised) you were married before Julie Kirsten: (understands) your in love with Julie Sandy: (to Kirsten) I don't believe that Kirsten: (to Sandy) oh unfortunately I do (to Jimmy) Jimmy, after everything she did to you before Jimmy: I know, that's what Marissa said Sandy: (suprised) Marissa knows Jimmy: ...she caught us (Kirsten and Sandy both look at Jimmy, worried) Jimmy: an the things she said (shakes his head) well...there all true (Kirsten looks at him) look heres the deal (Sandy looks at him) I cant be here an be with Julie...but right now (sighs) I...(shakes his head) I cant be here an...not - be with Julie Kirsten: (softly) what're you saying Jimmy: (sighs) when Hailey left...I felt adrift (Kirsten looks at him, concerned) so I made some calls ta see what was out there and I came across this company that charters yachts, for sale (Sandy closes his eyes) ...in Maui Kirsten: (shocked) your leaving! Jimmy: yeah...I need to get away from here before I do anymore damage to myself, or to my kids (Sandy looks at him) or ta-ta Julie (Kirsten looks away) I love Newport but its-its (shakes his head) no good for me right now (Kirsten still wont look at him) in the last year i've nearly ben arrested an bankrupt for stealing from my clients (Sandy closes his eyes) I got punched out at my daughters cotillion, I lost my house (raises his eyebrows) my family (to Kirsten) I tried to kiss you (to Sandy) which I-I I still feel terrible about (Sandy looks down) I spent the summer drunk on a boat with your twenty five year old sister (Kirsten still wont look at him) an now i'm getting back together with the woman who-who started this in the first place... (Sandy looks at him) I just can't stay here any longer I-I just can't do it (Kirsten still isn't looking at him, but she looks upset) Sandy: so, when would you go Jimmy: well they faxed over a contract a couple'a weeks ago all I have'ta do is sign it an...its mine (Kirsten looks at him) couple'a days an (Sandy looks at him)...i'm history (we change to a close up of Jimmy looking at them both) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see the band still performing on stage, then we see Ryan and Lindsay together watching the concert, the camera shows a close up of their hands just as Lindsay tries to hold Ryan's. Ryan sticks out his little finger so that's all she can hold, they raise their hands up so we can see their faces and Lindsay looks at their hands as if to say 'you've gotta be kidding me?' Lindsay: you're giving me the pinky Ryan: (looks at Lindsay) i'm...not really inta public displays of affection Lindsay: alright (grabs Ryan's hand) lets go, outside, we gotta talk (Lindsay pulls a reluctant Ryan out of the shot. we then see Summer and Zach coming off the stairs) Zach: so, too bad Coop couldn't make it Summer: um Zach only I can call her Coop its kinda weird when you say it Zach: got it, too bad Marissa couldn't make it Summer: i'd be freaking out to if my mom an dad were getting back together an like kept this huge secret from me Zach: yeah, so um we haven't had a chance to talk about our winter breaks yet Summer: (enthusiastic) I know (a very drunk Seth comes up to them) Seth: (screams) oy, Modest Mouse (claps his hands) Summer: (yells) ok - volume - Cohen, it's not Metallica Seth: (still loud) no its-it's not Metallica its Modest Mouse (Summer looks at Seth, Seth puts his arm around her shoulder) Summer: eww your like so sweaty (frowns) come here, wait (smells his breath) your breath smells like Marissa, you are so drunk! Seth: (to Zach) so hey, you guys are hangin out that's cool (Summer smiles) I guess she was cool with it right (Summer's smile goes) (Zach looks at Seth) Summer: (confused) cool with what Seth: the tutor Zach: (looks at Summer, then Seth) thanks Seth Seth: (oblivious to what he just did) you're welcome! (puts his arm around Zach) welcome (puts his arm around Summer again) (Summer looks at Zach, confused. Zach looks at Summer worried. Seth says something about vomit but I can't make it out, sorry. we see more of the band) CUT TO: Outside the Bait Shop - Lindsay comes out and Ryan follows her Ryan: uh th-there really good so whats'a matter Lindsay: no, you're the matter, I mean you've ben weird all night, you've ben weird pretty much since I showed up for dinner which (laughs) by the way was weird for me too (they stop next to a railing) Ryan: well what happened ta Switzerland Lindsay: (shakes her head) I don't know Kirsten wanted to hang out an an...she's really cool Ryan: she is an if you wanna hang out with her you should...but...if the Cohen's are really my family then... (Lindsay looks at him) you...are my family Lindsay: which means kissing me...was like kissing your sister or (frowns) (Ryan frowns) step aunt (Alex comes out of the bait shop) Alex: (yells) Ryan, you have'ta take Seth home right now, he is wasted an leaving a path of destruction in his way (Lindsay looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Alex and puts his hand up as if to say 'ok, got it'. Summer and Zach come out, fighting) Summer: (angry) I - cannot - believe you, an I cannot believe that you told Cohen Alex: (behind Summer & Zach) see, and he puked all over the merchandise table which I now have'ta go an mop up (Alex goes back inside, Ryan looks at Lindsay, Lindsay sort of makes a 'go, its ok' motion at him) CUT TO: Cohen drive way - Ryan and Seth pull up in the drive way. Seth is still very drunk (not to mention hilarious) Seth: oooh, I know who lives here Ryan: yeah that's right Seth: it's the Cohen residence in the hezee Ryan: (leans over towards Seth) shhh (whispers) ok ok we gotta be really stealth here Seth: hey, I was all camp capture the flag (Ryan tries not to laugh) camp Takaho I invented the stealth Ryan: that's right, you did Seth: I sure did Ryan: (whispers) but your yelling, you need'a be quiet Seth: I haven't ben this wasted (laughs) (whispers) since your first night in Newport (opens the door) when we beat up those kids (louder) with a little bit, a little bit'a that (puts his fists up) (Ryan nods) an a little bit'a that (Seth tries to get out of the car) little bit'a that, that Ryan: (leans over) ? your seatbelt, seatbelt (Seth falls out of the car, and there is a huge bang. Ryan quickly gets out of the car. just as he does Sandy comes out of the house) Sandy: what's goin on (Ryan looks at him) you guys are ok (we hear more crashing) Seth (Seth appears from beside the car, Ryan looks at him) Seth: (to Sandy) shhhh (puts his finger to his mouth) (whispers) we're being stealth (Sandy looks at him, not impressed) shhhh (Ryan looks at Sandy, Seth gets up on the hood of the car and sort of rolls over it then comes off and does like a pose {its soooo funny to watch!} CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht the next day - Jimmy and Marissa are there together. Marissa is sitting down and Jimmy is standing near her Jimmy: look everything you said yesterday (sighs) you were right, i'm making the same mistakes all over again with your mom Marissa: (looks at Jimmy) so your gonna end it (hopeful) Jimmy: (nods) yeah, yeah I am (sits next to her) Marissa: (happy) well that's great dad (hugs him) Jimmy: but its uh its-its it's more complicated then that, I um I-I need to get...some perspective on the world or- or something (sighs) your right, I need to learn how'ta be a real dad (Marissa looks down) ...so i'm...uh leaving Marissa: (looks at Jimmy, stunned) ...what Jimmy: yeah i'm moving ta...Maui Marissa: (looks at Jimmy, then looks away upset) that's your idea of being a real dad, abandoning me an moving to Hawaii Jimmy: (looks at Marissa) its not forever, its only for six months maybe (sighs) you can come visit any time you want (Marissa looks down then closes her eyes) Marissa: (scoffs, stands) well good luck with that...I mean I hear Maui's beautiful (Jimmy looks at her, Marissa walks passed him) Jimmy: uh you know there's gonna be a (Marissa stops and looks at him) a goodbye party, tonight at the Cohen's (Marissa looks at him) (worried) are you ok Marissa: ah-huh (shrugs) totally (Jimmy looks at her) I mean you were the last thing keeping me sane so when you leave it should be interesting to see how things go (raises her eyebrows) (Jimmy looks at her) but uh ill see you tonight (walks away) (Jimmy sighs and looks worried, then he watches Marissa leave) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting in the chair reading and a very hung over Seth comes to the door in his pj's and robe. in the background we can see caterers etc preparing for Jimmy's party Seth: hello (walks in) (Ryan looks up) (over dramatic) jus came by to tell you i'm dying an...thankyou for your friendship (sits on the bed) ooooooh (slowly lies back) slowly, slowly, an also to apologise for whatever happened last night Ryan: well you don't have to apologise to me...did you...talk ta Zach Seth: no, why Ryan: ah you kinda destroyed his relationship with Summer Seth: (realises) ooh I violated the code of man Ryan: (amused) ah (points) talked to Alex Seth: she won't answer my calls Ryan: hmm might have somethin to do with all the vomit Seth: all the vomit, how much vomit...like the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python Ryan: well, you wanted'a be a bad boy (stands) you did bad Seth: yeah but not in a good way, I gotta talk to Alex (sits up) show her I can be good bad boy, not a bad bad boy (stands) Ryan: (takes asprin out of the cupboard) mm-hmm, good luck with that, aspirin (throws them to Seth, but he doesn't catch them) Seth: (looks at Ryan) thankyou [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - there are caterers in the cleaning glasses. Kirsten comes in Kirsten: you have lobster rolls right (girls nod) he loves lobster rolls (Seth slowly comes into the kitchen from the backyard) Kirsten: oooh, if it isn't my son the wino Seth: you guys found out Kirsten: you weren't exactly stealth Seth: damn, lost a step? since Takaho Kirsten: your dads ben waiting for you to leave the room so he can send you back to it (they are now in the hallway) Seth: that's great, um I know I should probably be use to this at this point but uh, why are we having a party Kirsten: oh, its Jimmy Coopers going away party Seth: oh, ok wow great then i'm gonna run a quick errand real fast an i'm gonna come straight home (Sandy comes in) Sandy: you're not goin anywhere Seth: dad i'm grounded, I get it, I deserve it ok, uh even though this headache is jus far worse then any punishment that you could administer Sandy: (shakes his head) no Seth: I need to go, see a girl, very fast then I will come straight home Sandy: now which girl is this, the one who thinks you're too nice, the one you were tryin to impress by drinkin a fifth'a Jack Seth: (frowns) I think his name is John but yes an dad it went horribly ok so I jus need'a talk to her really fast an I need'a you know sorta may- Kirsten: go upstairs an get dressed Seth: (sighs) you know what maybe if i'm grounded I shouldn't go to this party (Kirsten and Sandy both look at him, Sandy motions up the stairs) i'm gonna go get dressed (looks at the stairs) stairs (sighs) CUT TO: Summer's room - Summer is getting ready for the party and there is a knock at the door. Summer opens the door and Zach is standing there Zach: (smiles) hi (Summer isn't happy to see him) I got you something (hands a book to her) it's the novelisation of the Valley season one Summer: hmm, I have the hard cover signed by Grady Bridges (hands it back) I should go Zach: no (walks in) that's why i'm here I wanted'a give you a ride Summer: um actually i'm gonna go alone Zach: you're goin by yourself Summer: Han-Solo (raises her eyebrows) ok but if I change my mind ill have Cohen get drunk an let you know (walks passed Zach) bye Zach: Summer come on Summer: (stops and turns around) hooking up with your tutor, Zach, not even that cool in the eighties, I mean she could of at least ben a hooker an helped ya get inta Princeton (cheesy grin) (leaves) (Zach watches her leave, and then closes his eyes in disbelief) CUT TO: Cohen backyard/Jimmy's party - we see all different people standing/sitting around with food and drink, we then change to the front door. Kirsten opens it. Julie and Caleb are standing there Kirsten: hey Julie Caleb: Ki- err Kirsten (Kirsten drinks her drink) sad day saying goodbye to Jimmy Cooper hm (Kirsten starts to walk away) why I remember when he was a boy, taking him out on the boat (Julie follows Kirsten) inviting him over (laughs, raises his eyebrows) ta have dinner (Caleb walks away and we see Seth coming down the stairs, Ryan walks passed) Seth: hey Ryan: hey Seth: so, listen ill see you in a few i'm gonna slip out for a while, try an fix things with Alex Ryan: what about your parents Seth: there scary, which is why I need you (points) ta cover for me, ok just throw up the smoke screen, give em some'a that famous Ryan Atwood double talk (nods) Ryan: I...barely talk Seth: good point, the less said the better (goes to leave) Ryan: I-I don't think this is a good idea man Seth: (looks at Ryan, shocked) an you call yourself a bad boy (walks out the door) CUT TO: The backyard - Sandy goes over to Jimmy Sandy: Jimbo (Jimmy smiles) i'm sorry we couldn't get a better turn out for you (hands him a drink) Jimmy: well, considering I defrauded most'a my closest friends (Sandy laughs) it's not bad Sandy: (nods) i'm gonna miss ya Jimmy Jimmy: uh well, thanks Sandy (holds up his drink to Sandy) (they book look over to where Julie is standing by herself inside) Sandy: how'd she take the news Jimmy: iiiii haven't...talked to her yet (sighs) (Julie starts walking towards them) Sandy: good luck with that (to Julie) hey Julie (walks away) Jimmy: uh-hm Julie: (upset) we're you jus gonna send me a postcard, I wouldn't of known you were leaving if Kirsten hadn't invited me to your going - away - party Jimmy: of course I was gonna tell you (touches her shoulder) can-can can we talk about this (Julie is angry) some place a little more private, please (Jimmy leads her inside and Ryan walks passed them into the living room. Kirsten and Lindsay are together) Kirsten: oh hi, look who stopped by (points to Lindsay) Lindsay: (waves/smiles) hey Ryan Ryan: (waves back) hey Lindsay (smiles) Kirsten: uh i'm gonna go grab some champagne, you two have fun Lindsay: thanks Ryan: alright (Kirsten leaves. Ryan and Lindsay start walking) Lindsay: now we're...waving at each other Ryan: I thought you agreed, Kirsten can't find out about us right Lindsay: right, cause then it might be weird (Caleb comes up behind them) Caleb: (to Ryan) Ryan have you seen- (they turn around and look at Caleb) Caleb: Lindsay, hello Lindsay: (softy) hi (waves) Caleb: excuse me I didn't mean to interrupt, ill find Julie myself, good to see you (Lindsay looks at him) (Caleb walks away) Lindsay: (whispers) bye dad Ryan: yeah, this isn't gonna be weird at all (looks at Lindsay out of the corner of his eyes) CUT TO: Sandy and Kirsten's bedroom - Julie is sitting on the seat in front of the bed, and Jimmy is standing in front of her Jimmy: did you really think that this was going somewhere Julie: (upset) I don't know Jimmy, I was under the impression that this meant something Jimmy: oh it did (Julie looks at him) it...does...but, did you really think it was gonna last Julie: (hurt) you really think that I would leave you again Jimmy: well...history isn't exactly...working in your favor on that one (Julie looks down) plus you deserve ta be happy with Caleb Julie: oh yeah that's a story book romance with our illegitimate children an our tapped phone lines Jimmy: at least it's real (Julie looks at Jimmy, Jimmy looks at Julie. Julie looks at Jimmy then puts her head down and starts to cry) Jimmy: Jules (sits next to Julie, and holds her) Jules (Julie puts her head on Jimmy's chest, and Jimmy puts his arms around her, rubbing her back) Julie: you gotta go so soon Jimmy: (sighs) I think it's probably best I go before anyone knows why i'm going (Kirsten comes in. Julie sits up and rubs her eyes) Kirsten: oh uh i-i'm-i'm s-sorry I didn't mean ta... Julie: it's fine, we're just...saying our goodbyes (stands) (Jimmy stands) Julie: see ya James (holds her hand out) Jimmy: so long Jules (Kirsten watches, sad. Julie leaves the room and Jimmy watches) CUT TO: The backyard - Summer is sitting at a table by herself, clearly bored. Ryan and Lindsay come over to her Ryan: hi Summer: (looks over) hey, people I know (Lindsay sits down, Ryan sits between her and Summer) Ryan: yeah (Lindsay smiles) where's Zach Summer: he couldn't - make it, where's Cohen Ryan: uh he's hurting, from last night Summer: well i'd like to hurt him for last night (Ryan and Lindsay look uncomfortable) Summer: (raises her eyebrows) kind of a boring party Ryan: yeah Lindsay: yeah (we see Marissa come out into the backyard, pulling DJ behind her. Marissa looks out of it. when she talks, you realise she's drunk) Ryan: (notices) not for long (Summer and Lindsay look over. Marissa and DJ walk over to Julie. DJ tries to stop her) Marissa: (to DJ) i'm fine (DJ looks at her, worried) (to Julie) well if it isn't (puts her arm around Julies shoulder) the wicked witch'a the West Coast Julie: (looks at Marissa) are you drunk (Marissa laughs/smirks at Julie, DJ looks at Marissa then Julie looks accusingly at DJ) Julie: (to DJ) let me guess Tequila DJ: she was like this when I picked her up Marissa: (to DJ) you don't have'ta defend yourself to her Julie: (to Marissa) no but you do young lady Marissa: (scoffs) oh come on lets go DJ (pulls him away) before she tries to sleep with you next Julie: what'did you say Marissa: (stops and turns around) you heard me you whore (Julie stares at Marissa, stunned by what she said. Marissa glares back at Julie {you can see she meant every word} Julie looks at Marissa. Summer looks at Marissa, worried. Ryan stands up. Jimmy goes over to Marissa and Julie) Jimmy: (softly) hey hey guys not here Marissa: (to Jimmy) no lets do it here ok (Jimmy looks at Marissa, Julie looks at Marissa then Jimmy, DJ looks at Marissa worried) Marissa: you know what lets tell everyone why you're leaving dad, why don't you tell everyone why you're leaving (Jimmy sighs) huh (Summer, Ryan and Lindsay watch, worried) Jimmy: please Marissa just- Marissa: (yells) hellloooo everybody (waves her arm in the air) Julie: (grabs Marissa's arm) let's go Marissa, your drunk Marissa: (pulls her arm away) (yells at Julie) get off'a me (pushes Julie) (Julie stares at Marissa, stunned. Marissa stares at Julie with hate in her eyes) Jimmy: (softly) guys, come on Julie: (to Jimmy) do you see what your leaving me with, you see how screwed up she is Marissa: (to Julie) well of course i'm screwed up, i'm the daughter of a thief an a slut (Jimmy and Julie stare at Marissa, stunned by what she said) Marissa: (upset) you know what I just... (Jimmy & Julie both look at her) I just hate you both so much (Marissa walks away, and DJ follows her. Summer looks over at Marissa, worried. Ryan watches Marissa leave, helpless. DJ runs after Marissa. Jimmy looks in Marissa's direction then looks at Julie. Julie looks at Jimmy) CUT TO: Sandy's bar - Kirsten and Jimmy are there together Kirsten: you wanted a good old fashioned OC party Jimmy: (sighs) I jus hope she's ok, an she calls...as bad as I thought she'd take it that was...worse Kirsten: (pours them both a drink) well its gonna be hard for her...for all of us (smiles) Jimmy: I was hoping that while i'm gone (Kirsten looks at him) you'd go over to the house an check up on her Kirsten: my father lives in that house Jimmy Jimmy: I know, that's why I want you ta go there (Kirsten drinks) I need to know that someone is watching over her Kirsten: (looks at Jimmy) for my oldest friend...anything (Jimmy looks at her, Kirsten sighs then hugs him) Kirsten: (laughs) I cant believe this, if we had gotten married...i'd be moving to Hawaii (laughs) Jimmy: no (shakes his head) if i'd married you (sighs) there's no way I would'a left (Kirsten looks down then smiles, she takes another drink of her drink) CUT TO: Outside the front of the Cohen's - Julie and Caleb are waiting for Caleb's car to be brought around Julie: I jus wanna get the hell outta here Caleb: (looks at his watch) where did they park my car, Irvine Guy: uh excuse me Mr. Nichol uh...there's a problem with your car Caleb: you've scratched my Aston Martin Guy: ...uh your car has ben stolen (Julie looks at Caleb, Caleb doesn't look impressed) CUT TO: Outside of Alex's apartment - there is a silver sports car in the driveway, and Seth and Alex are standing near it Alex: wow, whose car is that Seth: this (points) its mine Alex I stole it Alex: you stole a car Seth: yep, I do that sometimes Alex (Alex looks at him) I do it for kicks Alex: are you tryin to impress me or something Seth: what Alex: you know with getting drunk an stealing cars an, it's just...Seth...i've ben with alot of bad boys...and...you...are not one of em Seth: (screws up his face) right (Alex smiles) (sighs) (starts to leave) well i'm jus gonna make a bun cake an put on some tea, see ya later Alex: no, Seth, you're a good guy...an that's why I like you Seth: really (Alex smiles/nods) well that's good because I don't think this whole bad boy things really workin out for me (Alex smiles) (police cars pull up in the background. Seth and Alex see) Alex: me neither... Cop: is this your vehicle sir (Alex looks away, Seth just looks at the police officer) CUT TO: Summer's room - Zach is sitting on her floor listening to the 'happy high vibrations' cd. Summer opens the door and is suprised to see him there Summer: what're you still doing here Zach: um (turns off the cd, stands) your step mom blocked my car in (Summer looks at him) I tried to wake her up but is she like...alive Summer: (closes her eyes) yeah, just heavily medicated Zach: uh h-how was the party Summer: I don't know, maybe I should hire you a tutor an she can catch ya up on everything (walks passed Zach) Zach: ...look, i've had alotta time ta sit here vibrating at a very high frequency an think and...I realised (walks closer to her) this is a really important moment for us (Summer is listening) this is our first fight that wasn't about Cohen, I mean he helped but this fight its ours Summer: I guess that's true Zach: i'm really sorry, it didn't mean anything, believe me Summer: (sincerely) it's not about what happened Zach, its jus that you didn't tell me you told Cohen Zach: an from now on ill tell you everything Summer: why (raises her eyebrows) planning on screwing up again Zach: (smiles) only one way ta find out (raises his eyebrows) (Summer shrugs then smiles at him, Zach smiles back) CUT TO: The pool house - Lindsay and Ryan walk inside Lindsay: we finally have a moment alone Ryan: yeah, maybe a (motions for her to sit) chance to talk about everything (they both sit on the end of the bed. the camera is angled so that we can see the backs of them) Lindsay: (turns to Ryan) you know what (Ryan looks at her) I don't want to...we keep hypothesising how kissing me might be like...kissing your sister and...I think we should just find out Ryan: (looks at Lindsay) ...so you...want me to kiss you as an experiment (smiles) Lindsay: (laughs) yeah, and if it truly is weird...well then that's our answer Ryan: ok Lindsay: uh (closes her eyes) no uh pressure Ryan: right (they both slowly lean towards each other, they kiss lightly then all of a sudden it becomes heated {clearly its not like kissing his sister} they get more urgent and then there is a knock at the door. they pull apart and try to act as if nothing happened. Lindsay chews on her finger. Kirsten opens the door and stands in the door way) Kirsten: oh hey guys, I was wondering if you've seen Seth Ryan: no Lindsay: uh we were jus looking for him ourselves Ryan: mm-hmm Kirsten: ok, thanks (leaves) (Lindsay puts her head on her hands, relieved) Lindsay: that was close (laughs) Ryan: yeah maybe we should just...keep this to ourselves for now Lindsay: at least...till we find out if we're breaking any laws (nods) (they stare at each other for a second before kissing again, its as urgent as before, they lay back on the bed together still kissing) CUT TO: The front door - Sandy opens the door and sees Seth standing there with 2 police officers Seth: (waves) hey dad (Sandy looks dissapointed) how was the party (points to the 2 police officers, whispers) I think somebody called the cops (Sandy stares at Seth, not impressed) CUT TO: The lifeguard tower - we see Jimmy walking up to it barefoot with a sweatshirt draped over his shoulders, then the camera changes and we see Marissa sitting with DJ in the tower. DJ is looking at Marissa, Marissa is sitting there upset, staring blankly. Jimmy slowly walks up to them Jimmy: hey (they both look over and see Jimmy) Marissa: what're you doing here DJ: (to Marissa) I called him (stands) Jimmy: thanks DJ, appreciate it (he shakes DJ's hand) (DJ leaves) Jimmy: you mind if I join you (Marissa shrugs, not looking at him. Jimmy sits down next to her, where DJ was) Jimmy: oooh (looks at Marissa then looks out at the water) I never thought i'd leave this place...I guess...life doesn't always turn out the way you think it will huh (looks at Marissa, Marissa doesn't say anything, tears are in her eyes) ill take that as a...as a no... i'm sorry Marissa...I am so sorry i'm sorry I...I let you down (a tear rolls down Marissa's cheek) ...i'm sorry that I...I couldn't (looks at Marissa) give you the life...that you deserve (Marissa closes her eyes, tears falling) although I-I I nearly went to jail trying, I mean you've gotta give a guy credit for that (Marissa breaks down, crying uncontrollably into her hands. Jimmy looks at her helplessly) {its similar to when Marissa broke down with Ryan, in Chino after the whole Luke/Julie thing} Jimmy: sweetheart... Marissa: (through tears) don't go, please (puts her head on Jimmy's chest) (Jimmy puts his arm around her, holding her close) (desperately) don't go, don't leave, don't leave me! Jimmy: oooh (rubs her arm) I gotta go, I gotta-i gotta get a life (Marissa is still crying) I know, I know it stinks but (we see a close up of Marissa crying into Jimmy, she is really upset) {i just want to acknowledge Mischa for doing an amazing job in this scene! it brought me to tears, lol} Jimmy: but listen, anytime you wanna come live with me (pulls her hair away from her face) you jus let me know ok, an I will send a boat or a plane whatever ok Marissa: (calming down a little) ok (sniffs) (Jimmy kisses Marissa's head, Marissa wipes her face) Jimmy: its gettin...its gettin kinda cold, i think we should-we should head back huh, wanna get outta here Marissa: (sits up) no, wait...can we jus...can we jus sit here for a while Jimmy: (looks at Marissa) sure kiddo (takes his sweatshirt and puts it over Marissa) here put this on, you must be freezing (Marissa leans back on Jimmy's chest, and Jimmy puts his arm around her) oooh, ill sit with you (kisses her head) all night (Marissa closes her eyes, not crying as much anymore. Jimmy looks at her, lovingly. the camera pulls back so we see them from a distance) FADE TO: lots of yachts on the water. this changes to one yacht sailing by itself - we hear a door bell. we are now inside the Cohen's. Sandy answers the door and Marissa is standing there wearing Jimmy's USC sweatshirt from the beach, and she's holding a brown paper bag Sandy: hey Marissa: hi Sandy: (concerned) are you ok Marissa: yeah, I was just uh...seeing my dad off (looks down) (Sandy looks at her) he left thi'smorning Sandy: i'm sorry Marissa: (holds up brown paper bag) I brought bagels (smiles) Sandy: well that's the secret password inta the Cohen house, come on in (Marissa smiles and goes inside. we then go to the kitchen where Kirsten, Seth and Ryan already are) Kirsten: hey sweetie Marissa: hey Seth: hey Ryan: hey Sandy: (takes the brown paper bag) Marissa brought bagels (Ryan is holding a bagel in his hand, he looks over at Marissa)	Plan: A: a secret; Q: How do Ryan and Lindsay try to keep their relationship from Kirsten? A: Seth; Q: Who changes his image to impress Alex? A: Jimmy; Q: Who decides to leave for Maui? A: Maui; Q: Where does Jimmy decide to go after realizing his relationship with Julie is going to lead to trouble? A: a drunken Marissa; Q: Who confronts Jimmy's parents? A: both her parents; Q: Who does Marissa confront at Jimmy's going away party? Summary: Ryan and Lindsay try to keep their relationship a secret from Kirsten to avoid any more awkwardness. Seth changes his image in an attempt to impress Alex. After realizing his relationship with Julie can only lead to trouble, Jimmy decides to leave for Maui , and a drunken Marissa shows up at his going away party to confront both her parents.
STILES: Previously on Teen Wolf Deaton: You, Allison and Stiles need to be sacrifices. You'll be giving power back to the Nemeton. It attracts the supernatural. (SHRIEKING) Deaton: It will also have an effect on the three of you. It'll be a kind of a darkness. Scott: I'm an Alpha now. (GASPING) (MUMBLING) Stiles: No, no, no, no, no Don't let them in. Don't let them in. No, don't let them in. (BANGING) (GASPING) (PANTING) Lydia: You okay? Stiles? (EXHALES) Stiles: Yeah, I was just dreaming. It was weird. It was like a dream within a dream. Lydia: A nightmare? (SIGHS) Stiles: Yeah. Wait a second, Lydia. What are you doing here? (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) Stiles: Hang on. Lydia: Stiles, where are you going? Stiles: I'm just gonna close the door. Lydia: Just go back to sleep. Stiles: No, no, I should close it. Lydia: Don't worry about it. Stiles: What if someone comes in? Lydia: Like who? Just go back to sleep, Stiles. (WHISPERS) No. Stiles: But what if they get in? Lydia: What if who gets in? Stiles, just leave it. Please. Stiles. Stiles, come back to bed. Stiles. Please. Don't, Stiles. Don't! Don't go in there, please, don't. Please, Stiles, don't! (HEART BEATING) (WIND WHOOSHING) Stiles: It's a dream. This is just a dream. It's just a dream, get it out of your head, Stiles. You're dreaming. All right? So, wake up, Stiles. Wake up, Stiles. Wake up! (BIRDS CHIRPING) Sheriff: Hey, time to get up, kiddo. Get your butt to school. (EXHALES) Scott: : And you couldn't wake up? Stiles: Nope, and it was beyond terrifying. You ever hear of sleep paralysis? Scott: Uh, no, do I want to? Stiles: Have you ever had a dream where you feel like you're about to wake up but you can't move or talk? Scott: Yeah. Yeah, I've had that. Stiles: It happens because during REM sleep your body is basically paralyzed. It's called muscle atonia. That way if you start dreaming about running, you don't actually start running in your bed. Scott: That makes sense. Stiles: But sometimes your mind can wake up before your body does. So for this split second, you're actually aware that your body is paralyzed. Scott: And that's the terrifying part. Stiles: It turns your dream into a nightmare. You can feel like you're falling, like you're being strangled, or, in my case, like you're at the center of a grove of magical trees where human sacrifices took place. Scott: You think it means something? Stiles: What if what we did that night what if it's still affecting us? Scott: Post-traumatic stress? Stiles: Or something. But you want to know what scares me the most? I'm not even sure this is real. (SCREAMING) Sheriff: Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. It's okay. You're okay. Isaac: Hey. Scott: Oh. Hey. Isaac: Um, are you going to school? Scott: Yeah. Isaac: Okay, me too. Scott: Good. Isaac: Can I can I ask you a question? Scott: Okay. Isaac: Are you angry at me? Scott: No. Isaac: Are you sure? Scott: No. Isaac: What's that mean? Scott: I guess I'm not really sure how I'm feeling. Isaac: Okay. Do you hate me? Scott: No, of course not. Isaac: Do you want to hit me? Scott: No. Isaac: I think you should hit me. Scott: I don't want to hit you. Isaac: Are you sure? Scott: Why would I want to hit you? You didn't do anything, did you? Isaac: No. I mean, um (STAMMERS) What do you mean? Scott: I mean like you didn't kiss her or anything, right? Isaac: No! Absolutely not. No. Scott: Did you want to? Isaac: Oh, yeah. Totally. Melissa: Hey! (GROANS) Melissa: You two supernatural teenage boys. Don't test my entirely un-supernatural level of patience. Isaac: Feel better? Sheriff: Hey. You all right? You ready for school? Stiles: Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Dad, seriously, I'm fine. It was just a nightmare. What's that? Sheriff: That's just, uh, files from the office. Stiles: It says "Sheriff's station, do not remove." Sheriff: Well, yeah, unless you're the Sheriff. Stiles: Oh. Sheriff: Now get your butt to school, all right? Allison: Gotta run, Dad. I'm late! (ELEVATOR DINGS) (DOOR CREAKING) (WATER DRIPPING) (DOOR LOCKS) (KATE SCREAMING) (LAUGHS) Allison: Kate, Kate, what are you doing? Kate: I'm sorry. (CREAKING) (SCREAMING) (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) Lydia: Allison, are you okay? (PANTING) Stiles: Hey. Hey, you all right? You don't look all right, Scott. Scott: I'm okay. Stiles: No, you're not. It's happening to you too. You're seeing things, aren't you? Scott: How'd you know? Lydia: Because it's happening to all three of you. Well, well, look who's no longer the crazy one. Allison: We're not crazy. Lydia: Hallucinating? Sleep paralysis? Yeah, you guys are fine. Scott: We did die and come back to life. That's gotta have some side effects, right? (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) Stiles: We keep an eye on each other. Okay? And Lydia, stop enjoying this so much. Lydia: What? Mr Yukimura: Good morning, everyone. My name is Mr. Yukimura. I'll be taking over for your previous History Teacher. My family and I moved here three weeks ago. I'm sure, by now, you all know my daughter, Kira. Or you might not since she's never actually mentioned anyone from school. Or brought a friend home for that matter. (SIGHS) Mr Yukimura: Either way, there she is. Now, let's begin with American History at the turn of the 20th century. Lydia: Not the steadiest hand for a superb marksman. Allison: It's been happening for the past few weeks. Since that night. (PAPER TEARING) Lydia: Start over. (EXHALES) Scott: Maybe we need a little more time to get back to normal. Stiles: Yeah, try not to forget we hit the reset button on a supernatural beacon for supernatural creatures. There's a pretty good chance things are never going back to normal. Scott: Yeah. Stiles: What? Mr Yukimura: I thought you said you wanted to make friends. Kira: Not like that. Mr Yukimura: You said you wanted to be noticed. Kira: I could set myself on fire and be noticed. Mr Yukimura: Well, then you'd be dead. Kira: Exactly. Mr Yukimura: Kira. Kira. Stiles: Oh, dude, your eyes. Scott: What about them? Stiles: They're starting to glow. Scott: You mean like right now? Stiles: Yes, right now. Scott, stop. Stop it. (PANTING) Scott: I can't I can't control it. Stiles: All right, just keep your head down. Look down, come on. Keep your head down. (GROWLING) Scott: Get back away from me. Stiles: Scott, it's okay. Scott: I don't know what's going to happen. Get back. (PANTING) (GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Scott: Pain makes you human. Stiles: Scott, this isn't just in our heads. This is real. And it's starting to get bad for me too. I'm not just having nightmares. I'm having dreams where I have to literally scream myself awake. And sometimes I'm not even sure if I'm actually ever waking up. Scott: What do you mean? Stiles: Do you know how you can tell if you're dreaming? You can't read in dreams. More and more, the past few days, I've been having trouble reading. It's like I can't see the words. I can't put the letters in order. Scott: Like even now? Stiles: I can't read a thing. Allison: Do you really think this is going to help? Lydia: I know that if you think it's not going to help it definitely won't. (CLEARS THROAT) Lydia: So get your head into it, shoot a few and see what happens. Oh. (SIGHS) Lydia: Maybe hold the string a different way. Try the Mongolian draw. What? I read. Try it. (ARROW CLATTERS) Lydia: Okay, um Take a second to close your eyes and imagine the arrow going into the target. Allison: Did you see that? Lydia: See what? Allison: Wait here. Lydia: Are you serious? Allison: I'll be right back. Lydia: You did not just say that. Kate: (WHISPERING) Over here. Allison: Lydia? Kate: Allison, over here. Allison: Lydia? Kate: (WHISPERING) Over here, Allison. Allison: Lydia. (GASPS) Allison: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Lydia. Scott: Right at her head? Isaac: Almost right through it. And she keeps saying the same thing, that she keeps seeing her aunt. Whatever's happening to you guys is getting worse. If I hadn't been there, then Lydia would be dead. Scott: What were you doing there? Isaac: Ah. Melissa: Oh, you guys, come on. This house does not have a supernatural ability to heal! So, stop it! Stiles: You know, the last time we bought one of these to her grave was stolen the same day. Hundred bucks down the drain. Hey, Dad? Hi, what are you doing down there? Sheriff: Working. And hey, if somebody wants the flowers that badly, they can have them. It's the gesture. Stiles: Hey, Dad, what is all this? Sheriff: I've been looking over some old cases from a more illuminated perspective, if you know what I mean. Stiles: "Strange sighting of bipedal lizard man sprinting across freeway. Sheriff: " Kanima pile. Stiles: Dad, you're not going back through all your old cases seeing if any of them had something to do with the supernatural, are you? Sheriff: I admit the recent opening of my eyes to the greater mysteries of the universe has got me reassessing. There's at least 100 cases here where I look at the details and I can ask myself, "If I knew then what I know now" Stiles: Right, but are you sure you wanna go down that path? Sheriff: Do I have a choice? There's one case in particular that I can't get out of my head. Eight years ago, I was elected Sheriff of County, my first official duty was to tell a man that not only had his wife and two kids died in a car accident, but, as best we could tell, the body of his had been dragged from the wreck by coyotes. Stiles: You mean dragged and eaten? Sheriff: We didn't find the car until three days after the crash. They had driven off the road into a pretty deep ravine. Two bodies that were still in the car were covered in bites and slashes. Stiles: So you're thinking bites and claw marks, probably a werewolf attack? Sheriff: Maybe. Stiles: But coyotes, they scavenge, right? So, couldn't they have just left the bites and the slashes? Sheriff: Absolutely. But guess what night the accident occurred on? Stiles: The night of a full moon. Sheriff: Yeah. Stiles: Hey, Dad, where are all these going? Sheriff: Yeah, we, uh We probably need to talk about that. [SCENE_BREAK] (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) Stiles: Hi, sorry, I usually sit there. Okay, no problem. That's all yours. (CLEARING THROAT) Stiles: That's weird. Hey, Coach. Thought I was in the wrong class for a second. Um Okay. I don't actually know sign language. Actually, I didn't even know that you knew sign language. Or that that was even an elective here. Well, this has been good, I'm probably gonna, uh, head out. (WHISTLE BLOWING) Coach: Stilinski! Stiles: Uh-huh? Coach: I asked you a question. Stiles: Uh Sorry, Coach. What was it? Coach: It was "Stilinski, are you paying attention back there?" Stiles: Oh. Well, I am now. Coach: Stilinski, stop reminding me why I drink... Every night. Does anybody else want to try the question on the board? Stiles: I'm okay. I just fell asleep for a second. Scott: Dude You weren't asleep. Okay, so what happens to a person who has a near-death experience and comes out of it seeing things? Stiles: And is unable to tell what's real or not? Allison: And is being haunted by demonic visions of dead relatives? Isaac: They're all locked up because they're insane. Stiles: Ha. Can you at least try to be helpful, please? Isaac: For half my childhood, I was locked in a freezer. So, being helpful is kind of a new thing for me. Stiles: Hey, dude, are you still milking that? Isaac: Yeah, maybe I am still milking that. Kira: Hi. Hi, sorry. I couldn't help overhearing what you guys were talking about. And I think I actually might know what you're talking about. There's a Tibetan word for it. It's called "Bardo." It literally means "in-between state." The state between life and death. Lydia: And what do they call you? Scott: Kira. She's in our History class. Lydia: So are you talking Bardo in Tibetan Buddhism or Indian? Kira: Either, I guess. But all the stuff you guys were just saying? All that happens in Bardo. There are different progressive states where you can have hallucinations. Some you see, some you just hear. And you can by visited by peaceful and wrathful deities. Isaac: Wrathful deities? And what are those? \ Kira: Like demons. Stiles: Demons. Why not? Allison: Hold on, if there are different progressive states, then what's the last one? Kira: Death. You die. Deaton: It sounds like your subconscious is trying to communicate with you. Stiles: Well, how do I tell my subconscious to use a language that I actually know? Deaton: Do you remember what the sign language looked like? The placement and movement of the hands? Scott: You know sign language? Deaton: I know a little. Let me give it a shot. Stiles: Okay, the first one was like this. Then Deaton: That's "when." Stiles: Then there was this, twice. Deaton: That's door. Stiles: And this in between it. Deaton: That's it? Stiles: Yeah. Deaton: "When is a door not a door?" Stiles: "When is a door not a door"? Scott: When it's ajar. Stiles: You're kidding me. A riddle? My subconscious wants to tell me a riddle? Deaton: Not necessarily. When the three of you went under the water, when you crossed from unconsciousness to a kind of super-consciousness You essentially opened a door in your minds. Scott: So what does that mean? The door's still open? Deaton: Ajar. Stiles: A door into our minds? Deaton: I did tell you it was risky. Scott: What do we do about it? Deaton: Well, that's difficult to answer. Stiles: Oh, no, wait a second, I know that look. That's the "we know exactly what's wrong with you", "but we have no idea how to fix it" look. Deaton: One thing I do know is that having an opening like that into your mind, it's not good. You each need to close that door. And you need to do it as soon as possible. Stiles: Dad, what are you doing here? Sheriff: I'm here because I could use some help. Actually Your help. Scott: Why me? Sheriff: Because eight years ago, almost an entire family died in a car accident. One of the bodies, a young girl named Malia, was never found. There's enough evidence to have me thinking that That a werewolf could have caused the accident, and then dragged her body away. If you could somehow get a lock on her scent if you could somehow help me find her body, it might provide the missing clue. Stiles: But what if it was a werewolf? Sheriff: Well, there's somebody out there who murdered an entire family. Someone who still needs to be caught. Mr Tate: I've been having a coyote problem. The population is up around here and they get into everything. Sheriff: That doesn't exactly look big enough to catch one. Mr Tate: It's a rat trap. Take away the coyote's source of food and they leave you alone. And these days, to be honest, I'd prefer to be left alone. Sheriff: I understand. Just a couple of questions and I promise I'll leave. (SIGHS) (DOOR CREAKING) Mr Tate: New evidence? Sheriff: Possibly. (SNIFFING) Scott: All I'm getting is some animal smell. Stiles: What kind of animal? (GROWLING) Scott: Dog. (SNARLING) Scott: Hi, puppy. Stiles: Get rid of it. Scott: Me? Stiles: Yes, you. Glow your eyes at it, something, be the Alpha. (SNARLING CONTINUES) Scott: I can't. I don't have control. Stiles: Okay, buddy, you're going to have to try something. Nice doggy (BARKING) Mr Tate: Apollo! Apollo, shut up! Shut the hell up! (WHINING) Stiles: Here. Try that. Anything? Scott: All I'm getting is that dog. (SIGHS) (CAMERA CLICKS) Mr Tate: Murder? I spent eight years thinking that it was an accident and now you're telling me that it could be murder? Who the hell would want to murder my wife and girls? My whole family? (STUTTERING) Sheriff: That's what I want to find out. Mr Tate: I don't. I don't want to redefine this entire nightmare as an unsolved murder. Just leave me alone with tragic accident. Because that's what I've spent eight years getting used to. Accident. Not murder. (STUTTERING) Sheriff: I apologize. (SHOUTING) Mr Tate: Just go! Scott: I'm sorry. I tried as hard as I could. If it wasn't so long ago, I might have been able to do it. Sheriff: It's okay. It was a long shot. In fact, it was a pretty terrible idea. I think I just ripped a wound open in that poor man. I never should have brought you guys here. I don't know what I was thinking. Thanks for trying, all right? Scott: Yeah. Sheriff: See you at home. Scott: Aren't there a lot of cases that go unsolved? Stiles: Yeah, I just think this is one he felt like he could've figured out right now. Scott: Why is it so important now? Stiles: He wants to be able to solve one more while he's still Sheriff. Scott: What do you mean, "still Sheriff"? (SCOTT AND RAFAEL ARGUING) Agent Mccall: I'm trying to help Scott: That doesn't make any sense, Dad. Who are you helping? Just get out. Agent Mccall: Scott Scott: What? I can't believe that you'd do this to my best friend. Agent Mccall: I'm not doing anything to your friend. I'm doing my job. Scott: Your job sucks. Agent Mccall: Some days I can't argue that. Melissa: Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on? Scott: He's trying to get Stiles' dad fired. Agent Mccall: No. That's not true. Melissa: What are you doing? Agent Mccall: Conducting a case for impeachment. Melissa: That sounds a lot like getting him fired. Agent Mccall: The lack of resolution and ability to close cases is what's going to get him fired. My job is just to collect the information. And it's the job my superiors have given me. Melissa: Your job sucks. Melissa: Scott Sweetheart Calm down. Come with me right now. Let it go. Just breathe and let it go. Scott: I'm trying. Melissa: You told me you and Stiles learned a way to control this. You find an anchor, right? Find your anchor. Scott: My anchor was Allison. (GROANS) Scott: I don't have Allison anymore. Melissa: Then be your own anchor. You can do this. (PANTING) (SIGHS) Melissa: Sweetheart, let me tell you something no teenager ever believes, but I swear to you is the absolute truth. You fall in love more than once. It'll happen again. And it'll be just as amazing and as extraordinary as the first time. And maybe just as painful. But it will happen again, I promise. And until then Be your own anchor. (KNOCKING) Stiles: Hey, what's going on? Scott: You and me. We're going to go out and find a body. A dead body. Allison: You're sure Scott's okay with this? Isaac. Isaac: Yeah. He's 100% over it. Allison: He said that? Isaac: Not in so many words, but (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) Isaac: He's moved on. You should too. Allison: What's around your neck? Kate: Let's do him, Allison. Let's do him together. (GASPS) (GASPING) (PANTING) Stiles: You know, if my dad's right, that means there's another werewolf in town that we haven't met yet. Scott: I know. Stiles: If it turns out to be something like triplets that form into, like, a three-headed hound of hell, I'm seriously not up for that. Scott: Yeah. Me either. Especially if I can't even control my own transformation anymore. (HOWLING) Stiles: Sorry, buddy. I hate coyotes so much. They always sound like they're mauling some tiny, helpless little animal. Scott: It still works. Stiles: Let me see the flashlight. I think we found it. Scott: Uh Why wouldn't they move it? Isn't it evidence? Stiles: Probably too much of a pain in the ass to tow out. Look at this. See those? Animal claws would be closer together, right? A lot closer. Scott: Then it was a werewolf. Stiles: So, my dad was right. Scott: What is that? (ELECTRONIC VOICE FROM BABY DOLL) I'm hungry. (SCREAMS) Stiles: I think I just had a minor heart attack. (GROWLING) Scott: Hey, Stiles Please tell me you see that. Stiles: I see it. Wait, hey, Scott! Scott, wait! (PANTING) (GROANS) (SNARLING) Scott: Malia? (MAN GROANING) (VIBRATING) Peter: Why are you looking at me like this is my fault? Derek: Because it is your fault. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) (BOTH GROANING) Peter: Yeah, you're probably right.	Plan: A: Stiles; Q: Who is unable to read even when awake? A: vivid hallucinations; Q: What are Scott, Stiles, and Allison experiencing as a result of their "temporary deaths"? A: Kate; Q: Who is Allison haunted by visions of? A: terrible nightmares; Q: What is Stiles experiencing? A: his shadow; Q: What does Scott see as an Alpha werewolf? A: the new history teacher; Q: What has Kira's father become at Beacon Hills High School? A: a discussion; Q: What did Kira overhear about the psychological problems that Scott, Stiles and Allison have been having? A: the recent psychological problems; Q: What is Scott, Stiles and Allison discussing? A: Bardo; Q: What spiritual state does Kira Yukimura identify the psychological problems of Scott, Stiles, and Allison as? A: the final stage; Q: What stage of Bardo ends in death? A: the reopened case; Q: What crime scene do Scott and Stiles search for clues? A: Malia; Q: What is the name of the girl that Scott believes is the coyote? A: electricity; Q: What tortures Derek and Peter? Summary: As a result of their "temporary deaths", Scott, Stiles, and Allison are now experiencing vivid hallucinations. Allison is haunted by visions of Kate, her dead aunt; Stiles has terrible nightmares and is unable to read even when awake; and Scott has begun to see his shadow as that of an Alpha werewolf. Scott befriends a new student named Kira Yukimura, whose father has become the new history teacher at Beacon Hills High School. Overhearing a discussion involving the recent psychological problems that Scott, Stiles and Allison have been having, Kira identifies the condition as a spiritual state known as Bardo, the final stage of which ends in the death of the person afflicted. Scott and Stiles search a crime scene of the reopened case for clues, finding a coyote whose eyes glow blue. Scott believes the coyote is one of the family members presumed dead, a girl named Malia. Derek and Peter are shown being tortured by electricity.
THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART TWELVE (TERROR OF THE VERVOIDS) Run time: 24:45 [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Lasky: What's happening? Travers: Isn't that obvious? We're running into turbulence. The Doctor: I'd say rather more than turbulence. Lasky: Don't talk in riddles, man. The Doctor: Your colleague is aiming the Hyperion Three into the eye of the Black Hole of Tartarus. [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid lair [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid: Bruchner must be stopped. Get every Vervoid to the bridge area. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Lasky: How long before the ship reaches the point of no return, Commodore? Travers: That's a question no one has survived to answer. The Doctor: Marsh gas? Lasky: A methane derivative. Travers: Marsh gas? Where the devil's that come from? What is it you two know that I don't? The Doctor: Questions later. Will smoke masks be any good? Lasky: No, they'd be completely inadequate. Travers: You're saying that none of us can go in there? Lasky: It'd be suicide. The Doctor: Here, let me. Travers: It's my ship. If there's a risk to be taken, I'll take it. The Doctor: No! Rudge: There's no need for heroics from either of you. Rudge: Come to the bridge. Travers: If they make a hash of it in there, we're finished. Rudge: I doubt if that will happen, Commodore. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: The mortality rate that attends your meddling is appalling. The Doctor: You hold me responsible for Bruchner's death? Valeyard: Can you nominate a single incident where your presence has stemmed the tide of disaster? Inquisitor: Are you arguing that the submission for the defence should be curtailed? Valeyard: A verdict of guilty can be the only conclusion. Inquisitor: Sit down, Valeyard. In my court, I decide the verdict. Proceed, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Travers: I'm grateful to you both. Now that the air is breathable, I'll resume command. Rudge: I'm afraid that isn't going to be possible, Commodore. Atza: What he is stating, in the usually devious human manner, is that we are taking over the ship. The Doctor: A hijack? But you Mogarians are a peace-loving race. Violence is repugnant to you. Atza: No one will be harmed if they obey orders. Travers: Rudge, I will personally see to it that you rot in jail. Rudge: I should restrain that tongue of yours, Commodore. The Mogarians may not believe in violence, but I don't share their qualms. All my life, someone like you has been patronising me, treating me with contempt. Well, I'd welcome the opportunity of settling the score. Atza: Mister Rudge, take the hostages to the passenger lounge. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Doland: Surely you can contact the bridge now? Janet: Still not responding, Mister Doland. I've just tried. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Hold on, Rudge. If we are being hijacked, I think we deserve an explanation. Rudge: Any more unexpected moves, and it won't be an explanation you'll get. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: We're being hijacked! If you don't want to get caught, come on! Quickly! Rudge: Oh no, Doctor. Over there, away from the door. Then you won't be tempted to try anything stupid. One moment, Commodore. I'll take the keys to the vault. Travers: The blazes you will. Rudge: Stay back. Professor Lasky, reach into the Commodore's pocket and take out the keys. Carefully. The Doctor: Now, what do you want in the vault? Rudge: For me, not a thing. The Mogarians are after the consignment of precious metals. Got this quaint notion it was plundered from their planet and they're just recovering stolen property. The Doctor: That can't be your motive. Lasky: It's greed. Rudge: Not completely. Pride as well. After this voyage I was being written off as a has-been and put out to grass, so I decided to arrange a more comfortable retirement. Lasky: If you've any decency left, you'll get this man some medical treatment. Rudge: There's a first aid kit in the cabinet. The Doctor: Rudge, this hijack is just a sideshow. There's a much greater menace. Rudge: Not my problem, Doctor. In less than an hour, we will rendezvous with our pickup. The Doctor: Here, let me. After all, I am a doctor. Lasky: Rudge, you're nothing but a squalid criminal. Rudge: If I am, where does that place you, Professor? [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Atza (O.C.): Pay attention. The Hyperion Three is no longer under the command of Commodore Travers. He is our prisoner, together with three other hostages. All personnel must remain at their posts. If there is any attempt to approach the lounge or the bridge, the hostages will be killed. Mel: I'll put out a call for help. [SCENE_BREAK] Communications room [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Oh, great. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Communications room [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Millions of miles from anywhere and we're completely isolated. Doland: Can you organise a squad of guards? Janet: But you heard what the Mogarian said. They'll kill the hostages. Doland: What makes you think they won't anyway. You're surely not naive enough to accept the word of a hijacker? Mel: He's right, we can't just do nothing. Janet: But if the guards go crashing in, they'll be signing four death warrants. Mel: Not unless we can find a way of warning the hostages. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Travers: You don't believe that Rudge is behind these killings, do you. The Doctor: No. No, he's just a weak man gone rogue. Travers: So, whatever the outcome of this hijack, we're still at the mercy of a murderer. The Doctor: Or murderers. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Rudge (O.C.): Have you got a sighting yet? Atza: No, but we are on schedule for our rendezvous. We should complete the mission as planned if your humans refrain from interference. What are you doing here? Ortezo: We did not request refreshment. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Doctor. The air duct. The Doctor: What are you doing in there? Don't you know how dangerous it is? Mel: Shall I join you? There's going to be an attack on the lounge. When you hear the fire alarm, dive for cover. The Doctor: No. Mel: What do you mean, no? The Doctor: Too risky. Attack the bridge. Mel: The bridge? The Doctor: You heard. Now get out of that air duct, quickly. Mel: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid lair [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid 2: It is not only we who kill animal-kind. They kill each other. Vervoid: They have no respect for any form of life. We shall resume the hunt. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Doland: Death must have been instantaneous. Oxygen's toxic to a Mogarian. Mel: Yes, but how? I mean, who could have done this? Doland: Forget playing the detective. Let's concentrate on the living. Rudge has to be convinced that the hijack's a lost cause, and that's going to take more than words. Mel: Well, those face plates. They'll do the trick. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Mel (O.C.): Mister Rudge, hold your fire. We're coming in. Janet: The Mogarians are dead. Travers: Leave him to the guards. Get up on the bridge, now. Travers: Once I get this ship back on course, I'll want some answers from you, Professor. And that goes for you too, Doctor. The Doctor: I haven't been holding out on you, Commodore. There's a audiotape that'll explain everything. Travers: Then why haven't I heard it? The Doctor: Because it's been stolen. I would like carte blanche to search all the cabins. Travers: You've got it. The Doctor: Another request. I need a phaser. Mel: A phaser? You? The Doctor: Exceptional circumstances require exceptional measures. Mel: I don't buy that. And why the public announcement about the tape? Everyone could hear. The Doctor: Could they? Mel: I recognise that innocent tone. What's going on? The Doctor: Mel, I entered this affair as a Judas goat. I intend to re-adopt the role. Now, if Professor Lasky had the tape, where do you think she'd hide it? Mel: Lasky? The Doctor: Mmm. Mel: Her cabin, or her locker in the gym. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Rudge: What are you? [SCENE_BREAK] Cabin [SCENE_BREAK] Doland: If you're looking for a certain tape, Doctor, I don't think you'll find it in there. The Doctor: Does that mean you've hidden it somewhere else? Doland: Obviously a denial isn't going to impress you. May I know of what I'm accused? The Doctor: Murder, amongst other things. Doland: Murder? Am I supposed to treat this seriously? The Doctor: I have narrowed the suspects down to two. You and Professor Lasky. Doland: Then I suggest you search the professor's cabin. The Doctor: I already have. Doland: You really are serious. The Doctor: I'm never frivolous about murder. Doland: So, this tape, it's important? The Doctor: Crucial. Doland: I see. Well, I know I'm innocent, and I can't believe the professor's guilty, but if it'll end this nonsense, then, I know of another place where the professor keeps things. [SCENE_BREAK] Gymnasium [SCENE_BREAK] Lasky: If you've finished with my tracksuit? Mel: I was just admiring the er, the design. Lasky: Don't bother to lie. You're not very good at it. No tape. That's what you were hoping to find, wasn't it? [SCENE_BREAK] Hydroponics Centre [SCENE_BREAK] Doland: I'm afraid the professor has the only key. The Doctor: And you're not going to object if I force it open? Doland: Doctor. Your tape. Doland: Not that it'll do you much good. I've wiped it. The Doctor: Yes, I rather thought you might have done. Doland: You still suspected me, yet you came down here? The Doctor: A reckless streak. I'm prone to them. It wasn't difficult to pinpoint you. The first murder could only have been carried out by someone with access to this unit. The second needed poison. Even the abortive attempt on Mel's life could only have been committed by someone who could go unchallenged into the Isolation Room and get the anaesthetic. Doland: All this could have applied to Lasky. The Doctor: No, not the Mogarians. She was a hostage when they were slaughtered. Doland: And my motive? The Doctor: Could be jealousy, professional envy. I'd say it was the more commonplace avarice. Doland: Then you're not as astute as I thought, Doctor. Those creatures, we call them Vervoids, represent vast economic power. The Doctor: Provided you can get them back to Earth. Doland: Oh, but I shall, no matter what the cost. Then robots can be dumped on the scrap heap. Vervoids will run the factories and farms at practically no cost. All they need is sunlight and water. The Doctor: I take it you have someone willing to finance this exploitation? Doland: A consortium with the vision to recognise the potential of the Vervoids. The Doctor: Vision? You're talking about slave labour. Doland: The most enduring and spectacular empire, Rome, was built on slave labour. The Doctor: Came to a pretty unpleasant end, though. Doland: Which brings us neatly to you. The Doctor: I took the precaution of disarming it. The Doctor: I also took the precaution of taking the Commodore into my confidence. Travers: Throw him in the brig. [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid lair [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid: Doland will soon be joining them. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Doland: No, no. I'm not your enemy. Without me, you wouldn't exist. I'm your friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Travers: You created these psychopaths. Now tell me how to get rid of them. The Doctor: The Vervoids are not psychopaths. Mel: Doctor, I heard them say they intended to wipe us out. Lasky: Something must have gone wrong, radically wrong. A malfunction of the DNA. The Doctor: Why is it none of you can see what's so glaringly obvious? Travers: Maybe we lack your divine insight. The Doctor: No divine insight, just logic. Mel: Logic? The Doctor: When you overheard the Vervoids, Mel, how did they describe us? Mel: Er, wait a second. Animal-kind. The Doctor: Not human beings, not Mogarians, animal-kind. Travers: I hope this is relevant. Lasky: It is. He's making sense. The Vervoids are plants. The Doctor: At some stage, directly or indirectly, all animal-kind consumes plant life. Without it, we'd perish. Lasky: I must have been blinded by professional vanity. Bruchner saw it. I should have, too. Mel: Doctor, if you're right, then coexistence with the Vervoids is an impossibility. Travers: It's a question of self-preservation. Kill or be killed. The Doctor: A conflict in which there can be no justice. Travers: Equally, there's no choice, and that goes for you too, Doctor. We need your undivided commitment. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: And there you have it. The direct request. I did not meddle. I was presented with an appeal, and not just from anybody, but from the man in whom authority was vested. Inquisitor: I accept your argument. Nor, Valeyard, can you refute it. Valeyard: Perhaps we should await the outcome of this adventure, my lady. Inquisitor: Doctor, do you wish to continue? The Doctor: Providing we can trust the Matrix, my lady. And I won't know that until I see it. [SCENE_BREAK] Hydroponics Centre [SCENE_BREAK] Lasky: There's not enough left to make up a spoonful of herbicide. The Vervoids must have got here first. Mel: Any more ideas, Doctor? The Doctor: Why can't I rid myself of the feeling we're approaching this the wrong way round? Professor, do Vervoid chloroplasts function normally? Lasky: A cytogeneticist now? You're a man of varied talents. The Doctor: Don't prevaricate, Professor. Lasky: Yes, Vervoid chloroplasts trap sunlight as is normal with all plants. Mel: Doctor, there's something out there. The Doctor: Is there another exit? Lasky: Not this side of the hold. I'm going to talk to them. The Doctor: They won't listen. Lasky: Perhaps they will, to me. I wasn't going to exploit them like Doland. They'll know that. The Doctor: They'll spare no one. Lasky: I have to try. Mel: Doctor! Lasky: You must know who I am. Vervoid: Yes, Professor Lasky, we do. Lasky: Then you must also be aware that I mean you no harm. Vervoid: All animal-kind is our enemy, Professor. Even you. [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid lair [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: How could they? It's obscene. The Doctor: Not to a Vervoid. Mel: You can't justify it. It's just... The Doctor: It's a matter of perspective, Mel. In your house in Pease Pottage, you had a large garden. What did you do with the plants and weeds you uprooted? Mel: Put them on a compost heap. The Doctor: They're obeying instinct, like migrating birds or salmon swimming relentlessly upstream to spawn even though they may die. A compulsive following of the life cycle. Come on, Mel. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Janet: It's useless, Commodore. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Janet (O.C.): They're everywhere! The Doctor: We need your help, Commodore. Travers: Name it. The Doctor: Like the Vervoids, we're being driven by blind instinct. Kill or be killed. Travers: We've been over that. The Doctor: What if instead of bringing their lives to an abrupt end we did the opposite, accelerated the Vervoid life cycle? Travers: How the blazes do we do that? The Doctor: Vionesium. Mel: Vionesium? The Doctor: A rare metal found on the airless planet of Mogar. Travers: And worth a prince's ransom. The Doctor: Or a hijack. Mel: You mean there's a consignment on board? Travers: That's right, in the vault. Mel: But how will this vionesium accelerate the Vervoid life cycle? The Doctor: It's a substance similar to magnesium. Exposed to oxygenated air, it releases incredibly intense light and carbon dioxide. Spring, summer, autumn, all condensed into a few moments. Travers: Seasons which I may be a long time enjoying again if I go robbing my own vault. Mel: Seasons you can forget if you don't. We've seen what these creatures can do. The Doctor: You've no alternative, Commodore. Mel: You can't send for outside help, the ship's completely cut off. The Doctor's the only hope you've got. Travers: All right, Doctor, you can have the vionesium. What's the drill? The Doctor: First, you must drive the Vervoids back to their lair. Travers: Me? The Doctor: Plunge the ship into darkness. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Janet: They're never going to give up! [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Travers: Attention all passengers and crew. A major fault has developed in the generators. [SCENE_BREAK] Service duct [SCENE_BREAK] Travers (O.C.): To effect necessary repairs, the heating will be shut down and auxiliary lighting only will be in operation. [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid lair [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid: Are all the Vervoids here? Vervoid 2: There is still another to come. Vervoid: This power fault could be a trick. Vervoid 2: What can they gain? Animal-kind need the life support system. They must repair the generator to survive. Mel: No! The Doctor: The vionesium, Mel! The Doctor: You can restore power. It's over. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Travers: Restore power. [SCENE_BREAK] Vervoid lair [SCENE_BREAK] Cargo hold [SCENE_BREAK] Janet: Till we meet again, Mel. Mel: Yes. Janet: Doctor. Travers: No, don't say that. I owe you my thanks, Doctor, but let's make this the sweet sorrow of a final parting, hmm? Mel: I shall remember that the next time we get a mayday call. The Doctor: She means that, too. Memory like an elephant. Mel: That's his idea of a compliment, comparing me to an elephant. The Doctor: But so ludicrously appropriate, I find it amusing. Mel: Well, at least if you're laughing you can't be singing. Have you ever heard his rendering of On With The Motley? Count your blessings. Bye. The Doctor (O.C.): Vesti la guibba e la faccia... [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Inquisitor: Did none of the unfortunate creatures survive, Doctor? The Doctor: No, my lady. Had even a leaf survived and fallen on fertile soil, a Vervoid would have grown. Valeyard: Every Vervoid was destroyed by your ingenious plan. The Doctor: Yes. Valeyard: Whether or not the Doctor has proved himself innocent of meddling is no longer the cardinal issue before this court. He has proved himself guilty of a far greater crime. Inquisitor: You refer to Article seven of Gallifreyan law? The Doctor: No, my lady, that cannot apply! Had a single Vervoid reached Earth, the human race would have been eliminated! Valeyard: Article seven permits no exceptions. The Doctor has destroyed a complete species. The charge must now be genocide.	Plan: A: The Vervoids; Q: Who overhears what is planned for them and attempt to prevent it from happening? A: a black hole; Q: What does the ship start to head towards? A: the ship; Q: What is hijacked in the attempt to save it? A: the already existing problems; Q: What does the hijacking of the ship add to? A: The Doctor; Q: Who helped the crew save their ship? A: the crew; Q: Who does the Doctor assist in saving their ship? A: a more serious charge; Q: What is the charge that the Doctor is charged with in the Time Lords trial? Summary: The Vervoids overhear what is planned for them and begin their attempt to prevent it from happening. The ship starts to head towards a black hole and in the attempt to save it, the ship ends up being hijacked adding to the already existing problems. The Doctor then assists the crew in saving their ship and in the process ends up being charged with a more serious charge in the Time Lords trial.
Outside at night, Jay pulls up in his car then walks over to JT Jay: Hey. Got your call. So here I am. What's up stock boy? You got something to tell me? JT: Yeah I heard Clown Academy's awesome. You might want to check it out. (He starts to walk away, but Jay pulls him back.) Jay: Yeah. Thanks for the movie tip. Why'd you really call me here? At the ravine Aaron: This is the guy you told me about? JT: You told him about me? Jay: Just show Aaron what you got before he loses his temper. (JT puts the bag of drugs into Aaron's hat.) Aaron: Oxycodone. Sweet. You did good. $800. JT: Wow um I kind of need more. Aaron: Here's another 4... towards your next score. Jay: Add administration fee. So there you go stock boy. There's your first drug deal. (JT rushes to the bushes and throws up as the people around him laugh.) At the apartment building Toby: Shower massager, hello! And a great view of the yoga studio across the street. Man those hunnies are flexible. (JT is giving his tenant the rent money.) JT: First and last's. Tenant: Uh I don't know kid. I get the feeling I could be taking a real big risk here. JT: But you're not, okay? My girlfriend and I are, we're very quiet, uh we're very responsible. Tenant: Very pregnant. Are you sure you two can afford this place? Raising kids ain't cheap! JT: Yes I'm aware sir, but I'm all over it. I've, I've got a really good job. Tenant: Alright. Welcome to the building. At Emma's house, Jack is crying Mr. Simpson: Fever still up? Spike: Ear infection, the sequel. I can drop you off. Mr. Simpson: You sure you're okay to drive on two hours sleep? Spike: I'm on a first name basis at the hospital. I could get there with my eyes closed. Dinner is... Mr. Simpson: Meatloaf Monday as usual. You know what, you go ahead. I'll bike. Outside Degrassi, Mr. Simpson gets off his bike as Joey drives up in his convertible Joey: Bye guys. Mr. Simpson: Now this must be Jeremiah Motors favourite new client. Joey: Diane bought a car and the salesman was a no charge option. Mr. Simpson: Hello. I'm Arch. Snake. Diane: So you're the notorious Snake. Still tearing up this place like you and Joey used to? Mr. Simpson: Uh sadly no. I've become one of the teachers I used to give headaches to. Joey: Hey hop in. We're hitting the open road. Top down, wind blowing through our...you know. Mr. Simpson: I've got to punch the clock. Joey: Uh just around the block Snake. Be spontaneous. Mr. Simpson: Joey in my life spontaneous is a four letter word. Joey: Ah my friend you've got to learn how to live. Do something for yourself. You deserve to. (The bell rings.) Joey: Alright. Ciao. Outside the Dot Liberty: Tell me you're not joking. JT: I'm deadly serious. Let the days of sinful cohabitation begin. Liberty: Two days ago we couldn't afford this. What's the catch? (JT sees Jay and Spinner sitting outside and Jay smiles knowingly at JT.) JT: I uh, I talked to my grandma and she's loaning me the money. Liberty: The way she handled the pregnancy news I'm surprised. JT: Well it took a lot of persuasion and Sherry. Liberty: JT that's amazing! So when do we move in? JT: As soon as we tell your parents. Liberty: I was hoping we could skip that step. JT: But we have to tell them. Like today. At Liberty's house Mrs. Van Zandt: Excuse me?! You're doing what? Liberty: I'm moving in with JT. Mr. Van Zandt: Why would you want to do that? So you can, so you can be with him? JT: I have a name sir. Mr. Van Zandt: I wasn't talking to you. JT: Well you will be okay, because I'm the father of your first grandchild. Liberty: Mom, dad, please try not to be angry. (Mr. Van Zandt starts laughing angrily.) Liberty: We'll take care of everything. Ourselves, the baby. Everything. Dad please say something. Mr. Van Zandt: What would you like me to say? That I'm happy? That I'm proud of you? Liberty: I know. I'm stupid. So stupid. Mr. Van Zandt: It's not your fault Liberty. It's the fault of that fool standing beside you. Liberty: Stop it dad! Okay, JT's been amazing. He's taking good care of us. Mrs. Van Zandt: Liberty you're our daughter and we'll help you any way that we can. Mr. Van Zandt: Which is why we can't allow you to move out. We need you here to help you through this...as a family! Liberty: I get it. You want JT out of the picture. Mr. Van Zandt: I never want to see him here as long as I live! Liberty: Well that's unfortunate because JT's not going anywhere. JT let's start packing. Outside Degrassi, Mr. Simpson drives up to the school on a motorcycle Manny: Looks like Snake shed his old skin. Emma: Don't make me think about his skin. Ms. Hatzilakos: So that must be your sport bike parked in the loading zone. Mr. Simpson: What do you think? Bold new look for the school. Ms. Hatzilakos: Somewhere Valentino Rossi is walking around in his underwear. Mr. Simpson: Gratzi...no idea who that is. Ms. Hatzilakos: MotoGP World Champion. Ah I gather this is a new hobby. Mr. Simpson: Yes it is, but I have to admit I had no idea you were a motorcycle fan. Rock on Ms. H! Ms. Hatzilakos: Just move the motorcycle. Pronto. At the pharmacy Liberty: Excuse me sir. By who must one become impregnated in order to receive some service? (JT doesn't say anything.) Liberty: Not in the mood for piffy banter. JT: Not since I realized I'll be spending every waking moment here if we're gonna live together. Liberty: Well on average a baby goes through ten diapers a day. This job's worth it for the employee discount. Mr. McKay: JT we uh seem to be missing something. (He holds up the bottle of Oxycodone.) JT: Uh I didn't see anything. No one's been back there. Honest. You don't think something's been stolen, right? Mr. McKay: No I didn't say anything's been stolen. JT: Right. Well I just guessed based on your worried expression. Mr. McKay: Well we're missing a great deal of Oxycodone. It's a powerful drug so you can understand my concern. JT: Yup. Yeah it's totally understandable. Mr. McKay: See or hear anything, you tell me. Outside the pharmacy Liberty: What's the most important element of a relationship? JT: I don't know. Love? Liberty: Honesty. So tell me honestly. The missing drugs and the apartment, no relation? JT: I just thought it was a good idea. (Liberty starts hitting JT with her backpack.) Liberty: You stupid, thoughtless imbecile. You will destroy everything. Security guard: Hey! Hey, hey kids! JT: Ow stop! Liberty: You could go to jail. JT: Yes that thought crossed my mind. Liberty: Then why did you do it? JT: We needed the money okay? Bad. Look I'll just, I'll get some cash and I'll buy the drugs back from the dealer and then I'll give the drugs back to the pharmacy and everything will be fine, okay? Honest. Liberty: Afraid to get my hopes up. In the media immersion room, Toby is getting frustrated at a computer Toby: Come on! Fit. It's for charity. JT: Liberty made it look so easy. Toby: Remind me not to take anything else off her plate. Is the last paragraph of an article really that necessary? JT: I could uh show you a trick or two for a price. Toby: Anything. Name it. JT: $1200 today. Toby: I'll pass. JT: Toby I'm serious. Toby: Okay well get the money back from your landlord. JT: I already tried, okay? It's non-refundable. Look to get the rent money I had to do something. Bad. And, and, and now I need to undo it or I'm in trouble. Toby: Okay fine, but where am I supposed to get $1200 today? JT: Don't you have bonds or something? Toby: Are you crazy? If I touch those bonds my mom goes bananas. JT: Just screw it okay?! I need help! (JT grabs Toby by the shirt.) Toby: Of a mental variety. JT: Toby I'm asking you nicely. I need that money. Toby: JT you need to let go. Now! JT: See this is why you have no friends. Toby: You know what? Get away from me. Stay away! At Emma's house during dinner Mr. Simpson: Hard to believe that Jack is asleep when we're all sitting down together huh? Spike: Pleasant surprise actually. Manny: Talk about surprises. What about the jaw dropping arrival your hubby made at school yesterday. Spike: Excuse me? What did he do? Pop a wheelie on his bicycle? Emma: You didn't know? Mr. Simpson: Emma, beans? Spike: Didn't know what? Someone fill me in here. Mr. Simpson: Oh uh Joey has a friend who's selling a motorcycle. Loaned it out to me for a few days to try it out. Spike: You're buying a motorcycle, with what? Couch treasure coins? Mr. Simpson: I was gonna talk to you. Spike: You will. Later. Outside, Jay and Aaron drive up beside JT Jay: I cut you some slack stock boy, but I am running low on patience. JT: Oh that makes you a pretty bad doctor then doesn't it? Jay: Ha ha. Speaking of doctors Aaron is considering sending you to one, so you might want to quit with the jokes. Aaron: I gave you an advance. JT: Which I never should have asked for okay? I'm gonna give you all of your money back. Aaron: Really. JT: Yeah. I just need the drugs back ASAP, so that I can get them back to the pharmacy. Jay: Dude. Don't. (Aaron punches JT in the stomach and throws him against the car, choking him.) Aaron: That's in case you didn't know. I run the show and I don't want my money back. I want more drugs. JT: I'll go to the cops. Aaron: And what? What, you gonna get yourself thrown in jail for stealing drugs? That's a smart move. Jay: JT just get the man what he wants. This will all be over. [SCENE_BREAK] At the pharmacy (A kid walks in and steals something from the shelf so Mr. McKay runs out of the store following him.) Mr. McKay: Hey come back there! (JT goes into the back room and steals more drugs before his boss comes back.) Mr. McKay: JT call security. I caught this shoplifter red-handed. JT: Sure. Sure thing. (JT looks nervously at the Oxycodone bottle and his boss looks at him suspiciously.) At Emma's house Spike: How worried should I be? Mr. Simpson: I'll drive carefully. Spike: You know what I mean. Is this the start of your midlife crisis? Mr. Simpson: Oh the talk. Spike it is a means of transportation. It doesn't mean anything. Spike: Then why all the cloak and dagger? Mr. Simpson: Look day in, day out I am Mr. Straight and Narrow, okay? It's work, family, work, family. It's just so predictable. Spike: Sorry if we're cramping your style! Mr. Simpson: Hey I am happy to make sacrifices for you and for the kids, but there has to be more to life than routine. In the hallway Liberty: Tell me we have nothing to worry about. JT: I wish I could. Liberty: We'll go to my parents. We'll get their help. My dad's a lawyer. JT: I don't need a lawyer, I need a superhero to keep the drug dealer from killing me. Liberty: What drug dealer? JT: The gentleman who financed our apartment. He made me steal again. Liberty: Again? But Mr. McKay was already suspicious. He'll catch you! JT: Maybe not, okay? Maybe Mr. McKay won't notice and maybe I'll totally get away with it and maybe we'll be fine. Liberty: I thought you'd changed. I thought you'd grown up. JT: Liberty I have changed. Liberty: Yeah. Now you're a drug dealer. At the ravine, JT walks over to Aaron and drops the drugs in his lap JT: Here. Now go ruin someone else's life. (Aaron jumps up angry and pushes JT to the ground.) Aaron: What? Are you out of your mind? Huh?! (Jay pulls Aaron off of JT.) Jay: Easy. Easy. I got him! Easy. I got him! JT: You got me into this. Jay: Yeah and I just saved your butt or were you two guys gonna kiss? Not that it's any of my business what team you play for. JT: Just ask the girl who's carrying my kid. Jay: Uh oh. Bun in the oven. JT: Yeah and thanks to these, I'm dead to her. Jay: Come on man. It'll be okay. JT: It's okay? I lost my girl. I lost my best friend. I lost my job and my, my family and now I'm probably going to jail. Jay: Hey. Bummer times. At least there's a party. (Jay walks away while JT pops all of the pills in his hand.) At Degrassi Ms. Hatzilakos: Working late again? Not riding that bike outside enjoying the last rays of sunshine? Mr. Simpson: I'm giving it back. It's that or the wife. Ms. Hatzilakos: My ex had a choice once. Me or the intern. Mr. Simpson: Some people make you wonder huh? Ms. Hatzilakos: Too bad about the bike. It reminds me of the one I used to own. Mr. Simpson: Wow. I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea of you on a sport bike. Ms. Hatzilakos: Why is that so hard to figure? Because I'm a woman? Mr. Simpson: Because you're my principal. Ms. Hatzilakos: Well I used to be a wild child in my day. A lot has changed, but I still love motorcycles. As a matter of fact I was gonna to ask you for a ride. (Mr. Simpson smiles and grabs the helmet.) At the ravine Jay: Hey check it out. Stock boy is going to be a pappy. Aaron: Hey good grass stud. This one's on me. (Aaron tosses JT a beer, which sprays him when he opens it.) JT: Actually it's on me. (He dumps the beer on his head as everyone around him laughs, then he passes out on the ground.) Jay: Hey! Hey buddy. Hey. Somebody get the cops! Somebody get the cops! Outside, Joey is working on his car Joey: He's fast, he's furious. He's covered in Kevlar. Hey Snake. Mr. Simpson: Good morning Joey. I'm gonna need to talk to that friend of yours, it's uh rightful owner. Joey: Oh uh don't you want to see how the cool life goes before you give the suit back? Mr. Simpson: That won't be necessary. This is for the Kevlar and the wheels that go with it. (He gives Joey a check.) Joey: Snake this is exactly what you need. At the hospital Mr. Van Zandt: I spoke to Mr. McKay. Tried to explain the situation. We're gonna try to work out a deal, but uh don't hold your breath. Liberty: Thanks dad. Mr. Van Zandt: Yeah. (Liberty walks into JT's room...) JT: Stomach pump, one. JT, zero. Liberty: How can you make jokes about this? JT: Counselling. Suicide watch. Believe me, it's no joke. Liberty: Well I'm glad you're getting help. JT did you try to kill yourself? (He starts crying.) Liberty: What were you thinking? Leaving me alone with all this! JT: I'm sorry. Liberty: I'm sorry too. JT: Liberty I screwed up okay? Don't take it out on the baby. Liberty: We both screwed up. I'm going to the adoption agency. JT it'll be for the best. (JT starts crying even more.) Scenes for next week Marco: (To the camera) Everyone knows I'm gay, except the person who counts the most. Voiceover: On an all new episode of Degrassi... (A new kid gets pushed against the lockers.) Random guy: Faggot! Marco: Hey woah. You okay? Voiceover: Marco helps a friend... Marco: (To the new kid) Degrassi's pretty cool, but there are idiots everywhere. Marco: (To his father) Pa we need to talk. Voiceover: ...But can't seem to help himself. Mr. Del Rossi: I do not want a queer under my roof. Marco: What if you already have one?	Plan: A: J.T.; Q: Who learns that getting out of the drug business is dangerous? A: the drug-dealing business; Q: What business does J.T. learn is dangerous? A: a path; Q: What does J.T. travel down of self-destruction? A: similar obstacles; Q: What does Snake face when he looks back on his life and realizes that he isn't happy? Summary: J.T. learns that getting out of the drug-dealing business is dangerous as he travels down a path of self-destruction that could cause him to lose the people about whom he cares the most. Meanwhile, Snake faces similar obstacles when he looks back onto his life and realizes that he isn't happy.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously, on Veronica Mars... Veronica takes the tapes out of the air vent in Lilly's room. Cut to Veronica and Duncan watching one of the tapes. It is of Aaron and Lilly having sx. Cut to Veronica speaking to Keith on her cell phone as she is leaving the Kane estate, all from 122 Leave It to Beaver. VERONICA: Dad! It's Aaron Echolls. He did it. Keith listens at home, his face drawn in concern. VERONICA: [offscreen] I have video of Lilly in his bed on the day she died. Cut to the bus on its return journey from the field trip in 201 Normal Is the Watchword. Veronica is twisted around in her seat to talk to Meg. VERONICA: I hear you're back on the cheerleading squad. MEG: I'm supposed to pay or something, right? As Meg gets out her wallet, Veronica holds up her hands in defeat. VERONICA: Never mind. She turns back in her seat as Meg continues to glare at her. Cut to Veronica and Duncan in an empty classroom. Veronica is reading the emails Duncan printed off from Meg's files in 207 Nobody Puts Baby In a Corner. VERONICA: Why is Meg emailing someone at Child Protection Services? DUNCAN: She's been trying to help the kid, but she doesn't have proof. Cut to Veronica frantically telling Lamb why she and Duncan have broken into the Manning's' residence and are in Grace's room. VERONICA: We were trying to help Grace. They've been abusing... MANNING: Shut up. VERONICA: ...her, they had her locked in the closet. Cut to a little earlier as Stewart Manning threatens them with a baseball bat. MANNING: Get on the floor! Veronica and Duncan sink to their knees on the floor. Cut to later again as Manning tells his story to Lamb. MANNING: I found them in my daughter's room, rifling through her things. Cut to Meg lying in her hospital bed in 209 My Mother, the Fiend. Veronica is there and sees Meg's pregnant belly. End previouslies. EXT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), LUNCH AREA - DAY. Veronica is sitting alone at one of the tables, staring out into space. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's three hours until the start of Christmas break. And despite what I am sure are the sincere efforts of the school's pastry chef, my holiday spirit has yet to kindle. Veronica's fork is stabbing unenthusiastically at a piece of cake, decorated with green frosting and upon which is drawn the outline of a Christmas tree in red icing. DUNCAN: [offscreen] There you are. Veronica looks up as Duncan joins her at the table, carrying his tray. Veronica stares down at the cake. VERONICA: Here I am. DUNCAN: I didn't even see you this morning and I kinda, you know, sorta hoped I could carry your books to class. She doesn't respond. DUNCAN: You okay? VERONICA: I saw Meg. Duncan draws back a little, surprised. DUNCAN: What do you mean? You... VERONICA: Meg's pregnant. Duncan stares down at the table for a moment. DUNCAN: I know. VERONICA: You know? DUNCAN: There was a letter, from her aunt. I guess Meg had asked to live up there and raise the baby. VERONICA: Oh my god. Duncan, how could you... DUNCAN: Last spring, before we broke up- VERONICA: Okay, stop! I was shown a diagram once. I know how it works. But you knew and you didn't tell me? DUNCAN: This has nothing to do with us. VERONICA: Oh, no! Nothing. Your secret illegitimate child gestating in the womb of your comatose ex-girlfriend affects neither you nor me. [tearfully] I'm fine with it. DICK: Hola, boyos. Dick arrives, putting a hand on each of their backs and leaning in. DICK: Hope I'm not spoiling a tender moment here. He moves around to the other side of the table and sits down. DICK: But I just wanted to make sure you got your vaccinations because the New Year's bash of the century is just a scant week away. VERONICA: Of the century? Does Truman Capote know? DICK: Of the millennium. And Truman who? DUNCAN: Can't. I've got holidays in Sun Valley with the parents. Veronica closes her eyes and shakes her head slightly, as if in disappointment that he is not changing his plans. DICK: Dude, seriously? Snow? Pine trees? Family? That's not holidays. Party boat, crazy Chinese pyro guy, I'm feeling that. Dick slaps Duncan on the arm. DICK: Think about it. He swivels off the seat and stands to go before pausing on a thought. DICK: Oh, and Duncan, if you're not coming because of...tension here, there's a chance an old flame might be there. Veronica stares at Dick with intense dislike. Duncan is puzzled and shakes his head. DUNCAN: What do you mean? DICK: Didn't you hear? Meg, she woke up. Probably gonna be partying in no time so...I'm just saying. Dick grins and walks off. Duncan looks stunned and turns his head back to Veronica, similarly affected. She lets out a long breath. DUNCAN: I should go see her. VERONICA: Got it covered. Veronica holds out her visitor's badge from NVH Neptune Memorial Hospital. VERONICA: My visitor's pass from when I picked up Abel Koontz's stuff. All I need it a colour copier and a laminator and we're in business. Duncan reaches out and takes her hand. VERONICA: Don't worry. I do this for all my boyfriends. DUNCAN: Veronica... VERONICA: I know. I'm amazing. She smiles at him. INT - COUNTY SUPERVISOR'S OFFICE - DAY. Woody is leading Keith into his office. WOODY: I appreciate you getting down here so fast, Keith. I'm sorry about that voicemail. I'm sure I sounded pretty crazed. As he talks, he makes his way to his desk. Keith settles in the chair opposite. KEITH: I did detect a certain urgency. WOODY: Keith. I gotta a call from Sheriff Lamb right before lunch. The Aaron Echolls/Lilly Kane sx tapes have been stolen from the evidence room. KEITH: All of them? Woody nods. KEITH: Original and copies? WOODY: From separate safes, no less. KEITH: Is there a sign of break-in or...? WOODY: No. This pretty much has to be an inside deal. Only an employee would have that kind of access. KEITH: This is gonna put a huge dent in the prosecution's case. Woody nods gravely. KEITH: It's not the kind of thing that's going to stay secret long. WOODY: No, it isn't. Woody gets up from his chair and comes around to the front of the desk, perching himself upon it, in front of Keith WOODY: And when it does come out, Neptune is officially Bozoville. A national laughing stock. I need you to get those tapes back. KEITH: Woody, I'm just a PI. I don't have a staff or access... WOODY: I'm not talking about a private investigation, Keith. I'm talking about an official independent inquest on behalf of the city. KEITH: I'm flattered, but am I really the guy you want, given my history with the department? WOODY: You're the right guy precisely because of your history with the department. Keith doesn't look convinced. WOODY: Please, Keith. What do you say? KEITH: I say it sounds awkward and uncomfortable, but we need those tapes. How can I say no? Woody lets out a huge sigh of relief. WOODY: Thank you, pal. With a big smile, he reaches forward to shake Keith's hand. INT - HOSPITAL - DAY. The monitors in Meg's room sound softly. The monitor for the baby shows 180, the one for Meg shows 60. Meg's eyes open. She looks slightly puzzled at something. It's a blurry Duncan who is looking down on her and gradually comes into focus. He is wearing a large visitor's badge. He smiles gently. DUNCAN: Hi. Veronica, who was sitting in the corner of the room, rises quickly and walks to the end of the bed. Meg is staring open mouthed at Duncan at the side of the bed. She looks down and sees Veronica, who is uncertain as to her welcome. MEG: Surprise. She smiles. DUNCAN: Meg, what are we gonna do? Meg gives a troubled laugh. MEG: God, Duncan, I don't know. Mom and Dad want me to put the baby up for adoption. Have you ever heard of the Levi Stinson Sanctuary House? DUNCAN: No. MEG: It's horrible. Their adoption contracts are all about religious indoctrination and tough love discipline. It's almost a license for abuse. When I think of my child brought up like that... DUNCAN: Don't I have any say? MEG: The sinner who knocked up their daughter? They don't want you involved, they want you gone. Their lawyers are digging up all this stuff on your medical history, your blackouts and violent outbursts. All I want is to have my baby and move in with my Aunt Chris in Seattle. A nurse, the same one from the alternative ending to 209 My Mother, the Fiend, walks in with a clipboard. She freezes when she sees Veronica and Duncan. NURSE: I don't know how you got in here, but you need to leave. MEG: Val? It's-it's okay. DUNCAN: We should go. Meg looks back at Duncan. DUNCAN: You should rest. Meg appears to accept this and doesn't respond. She does, however, take a long look at Veronica. Duncan passes behind Veronica to exit the room. Veronica stares back at Meg uncomfortably then turns to follow him. Meg watches for a moment, then seems to come to a decision. MEG: Veronica? Veronica pauses and looks back. MEG: Can you stay a second? Veronica looks at Duncan, then moves closer to the side of the bed as the nurse and Duncan leave. MEG: Veronica, I just hope you can forgive me for being such a b- Veronica places a comforting hand on Meg's shoulder. VERONICA: Meg, you don't have to- MEG: No, it's just that I knew that I was pregnant and seeing you with Duncan... VERONICA: You don't have to say anything. Meg grimaces. MEG: And is it too much to ask for just one small favour? VERONICA: No. MEG: If anything happens to me, don't let them do it. Don't let them send the baby away. And no matter what, don't let them keep it. Veronica stares down at her. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Keith is sorting through a large stack of mail at the kitchen counter. Veronica enters the apartment. KEITH: You're late. VERONICA: That's the idea. Figured if I snuck in close to the end of the day, the chances of it getting even worse are slim. KEITH: So you would not characterise your day as "good." VERONICA: More along the lines of..."bad." KEITH: And how much would it help if I microwaved you some two-day-old lasagna? VERONICA: A...medium amount. Keith has settled on one piece of mail. KEITH: And how much would it help if I went out and got some ice cream, too? VERONICA: A...lot? Why would I need that much help? Keith holds out the envelope. KEITH: With my sincere regrets. Veronica takes it and glances at it. It is from the Neptune Court and marked "Official Business." She opens it. KEITH: Chocolate chip mint or butter pecan? It's an official form, unreadable except for the word "juror" writ large at the bottom in a red box. VERONICA: Oh, crap. Jury duty? KEITH: I'll get both. Veronica sighs. Opening credits. INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day One. It's 1:25pm. The jurors file into the room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Jury duty on Christmas break. No sing-alongs, no poignant messages of universal love and hope, just cell phones out, watches eyeballed, jackets left on. And a commitment to the sacred ideal of drive-through express justice. Veronica comes in last and makes her way to one of the unclaimed chairs at the large table. One of the male jurors glances at her appreciatively. People slowly take places around the table and sit down. At the head of the table, a man described in the credits as Captain of Industry, taps his glass of water and brings them to order. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: All right, ladies and gentleman. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we get back to our lives. First order of business, I believe, is to elect a jury foreman. Do I hear any nominations or volunteers? The Captain of Industry is the only one now standing, at the head of the table, very much in charge. No one speaks. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: All right, hearing no nominations, I have a proposal. This strikes me as a fairly open-and-shut case. So, would anyone object to letting the young lady serve as our foreman? Everyone stares at Veronica. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Be a nice chance for her to learn about civic responsibility in the justice system. Veronica is not thrilled. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Great! All in favour of Miss Mars as foreman, raise your hands. Everyone does, much to Veronica's chagrin. The member who clocked her coming in, wearing a baseball shirt under his jacket and a baseball cap, is enthusiastic. SPORTS GUY: Absolutely. Veronica smiles nervously. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Lamb's face is contorted by strenuous effort. He let's out a held breath. LAMB: Yeah, we've done a ton of upgrading on the security front since you were here. For example, no keys anymore. We're using magnetic cards like you get in hotels. Lamb groans as he exerts himself again. LAMB: Reprogram them every couple of days. No worries about lost... His voice tightens as he labours. LAMB: ...or copied keys. Say bud, can ya gimme a spot? The scene opens out to show that Lamb has been doing barbell bench presses while he talks to Keith. The small room has been turned into a makeshift gym with a few pieces of equipment. On the walls are various posters on fitness and one setting out the department's goals. Lamb has the barbell just above his chest. KEITH: A spot? LAMB: Yeah, spot me up here. Keith puts down his pad and pen and helps Lamb put the barbell back on the rack. Lamb sit up and a full length mirror can be seen in front of him. He gets off the bench, breathing heavily. LAMB: Ah, endorphin rush, man. Lamb, showing off his muscles in a black wife-beater, stares at his body in the mirror as Keith watches with some disdain. LAMB: Mm. You know, Keith, you really shoulda done more to push fitness when you were here. KEITH: Yeah, I was gonna get to that, but the crime fighting kept getting in the way. Anyway, you were saying? LAMB: Magnetic cards, right. Lamb tears himself away from his reflection and walks over to the side to grab a pair of dumbbells. LAMB: And Level 1 clearance for senior staff only. There's no night time access without permission from me. Having brought the dumbbells back over to the mirror and placed them on the floor, Lamb, back to concentrating on the mirror, takes off his shirt. KEITH: So to paraphrase, you're telling me the Neptune sheriff's department is a locked-down, squared-away citadel of security? LAMB: That's a little flowery... Lamb bends down to retrieve the dumbbells. LAMB: ...but you can pretty much catch my drift. He poses in the mirror and starts to do arm curls. LAMB: I run a tight ship, Keith. KEITH: And you look good doin' it. LAMB: That's why they elected me, Keith. KEITH: So I'm gonna need unrestricted access to your staff at all times. Keith walks around to stand in front of the mirror and ensure Lamb's attention. LAMB: Absolutely. We're here to please. KEITH: Well in that case, I'll need personal info for everyone who works here. Personnel files, tax returns, security access levels, email addresses, browser histories, all that. LAMB: No problem, buddy. Just say how high. KEITH: Oh, I will. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: [offscreen] So the question... INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day one continues. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: ...is whether there's any need to deliberate at all. The captain of industry, still at the head of the table, continues to act like he is in charge as he states his view. Veronica, now sitting at the opposite end of the table, raises her hand. VERONICA: Um. She stands as the jurors turn their heads towards her. VERONICA: As foreman, I don't see how a quick review of the facts could hurt. Some of the jurors nod, some sigh, some fold their arms. The captain of industry looks at his watch impatiently. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Briefly, all right. Our defendants are Robbie McKinnon and Hunter Hayes... He hands a file to the Latina woman on his left, described in the credits as the knitting grandmother. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: ...both twenty-one years of age, both from well known Neptune families. The knitting grandmother looks at the mugshots taken of the two before passing them down the table. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: They are charged with aggravated assault in the November 5th beating of Anissa Villapondo, age twenty-five. Next is exhibit 7A, a picture of a Mexican girl, taken at a hospital. Her face shows signs of a beating. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: As the prosecution tells it, Anissa missed her bus after getting off work at the Elite Touch car wash in downtown Neptune and decided to hitchhike. She was picked up by McKinnon and Hayes. On the way, Anissa and the boys smoked some marijuana. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Their weed? He coughs uncomfortably at the interruption. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Yes. She nods and casts a knowing glance at the black woman opposite her. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Then she says they asked her to join them in a motel room so they could "party some more." As the pictures make there way down the table, close-ups of Anissa's injuries can be seen. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: With Ecstasy, also theirs. She looks around the table to see the effect, if any, of her comments. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: They struck her as harmless, so she accepted. Once inside the room, they allegedly asked her for sx. On his right, the black woman, described in the credits as Women's Studies Professor, is following from her own notes. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: Her statement says they got so aggressive, she became frightened and tried to leave. The Captain of Industry passes some more pictures to her, to start their journey down the table in the opposite direction. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Hayes then supposedly pulled out a gun and forced her back inside, where McKinnon punched and kicked her. The first picture, exhibit 12, shows a bed. There are spots of blood on the sheets. Numbered labels have been set beside them. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Hayes put the gun on the bedside table... The next picture is a close up of blood spot #6 and is tagged exhibit 13. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY:...climbed on top of her. Miss Villapondo says she fought back, managed to grab Hayes' gun, and fired twice into the ceiling. Exhibit 16 is of a large smear of blood, labelled #2, on the wall. Exhibit 17 is of two bullet holes in the ceiling. A gloved hand holds up the number 16. VERONICA: The boys ran off, and the police picked them up the next day based on her descriptions and the video from the motel security camera. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Miss Villapondo also says after the beating she staggered out to the second floor balcony and threw the gun over the railing. This...gun was never found. VERONICA: Noted. So, the defense case. The defendants both claim she is no victim, but rather, a hooker who offered them a three-way for eighty bucks. Exhibit 201 is a photograph of part of a hotel. One of the doors on the upper story is circled. VERONICA: But before they could get down to business, a young African-American man, apparently her pimp... A mug shot of another man, C Myles, is being passed from juror to juror. VERONICA:...kicked the door in, fired two shots into the ceiling, and ordered them out. The boys told police the pimp seemed to feel Anissa owed him money. They left the motel, but assume he was the one who beat her. Halfway down the table is an older man with a moustache, described in the credits as Ned Flanders type, pipes up. NED FLANDERS TYPE: I'd like to remind everyone that this girl is a known criminal. She was convicted of forgery at age fifteen, and she's still on parole for being an armed lookout during a liquor store robbery. The Captain of Industry does a "What do you expect?" gesture. VERONICA: Noted. So, final facts: after the attack, Anissa called an ex-boyfriend, named...Anquan Simmons. A final mug shot is on view. A Simmons is another black man. VERONICA: He says she asked for his help but when the cops arrived he was still on the line. Neither of the defendants had a criminal record. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Nor any guns registered to their names. VERONICA: After the shots, the motel manager waited a few minutes, and then walked toward the room. He testifies that he saw a young black man with a gun run across a parking lot and leap over the six-foot fence surrounding the motel. SPORTS GUY: Boy's got some serious ups, yo. Some of the jurors aren't impressed with his levity. VERONICA: Now we get to the defense's ace in the hole. Young Masters McKinnon and Hayes have a very credible witness on their side: a Mister Carnell Myles, who identifies himself as Anissa's pimp. Mr Myles turned himself into police after hearing that a man fitting his description was spotted fleeing the crime scene. His story matches the boys' version to a "t." Veronica looks up at the Captain of Industry, a little irritated still by his condescension. VERONICA: How'd I do? The patronising attitude doesn't stop as he gives her an okay with thumb and finger. VERONICA: So. Are we ready for a vote? Veronica stands as the jurors mumble their agreement. VERONICA: I say we make this simple. Jot down your vote on a piece of paper, fold it up, and stick it in the hat. As she is talking, Veronica walks down the table and lift's the sports guy's cap off of his head, placing it in the centre of the table. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And there it is: one quick lesson in civic responsibility for me, and an only slightly shortened holiday for everyone. Our resident alpha male was right about one thing: the case does feel, thankfully, pretty open-and-shut. Veronica takes out the slips of paper from the cap. The jurors watch quietly. The Captain of Industry checks his watch. VERONICA: Our vote is eleven innocent, one guilty. The jurors groan. VERONICA: I guess we'll all see each other first thing in the morning. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Sacks sits at the table in one of the interrogation rooms. SACKS: Well, it's like I said. These rooms are monitored, closely, in compliance with new security upgrades, such as magnetic keys. Keith is leaning by the room's mirror, staring down at the deputy. KEITH: Magnetic keys. Senior staff only, right. You ever lose a card? SACKS: So? If somebody found it, it's no good. We change the codes. KEITH: But you still need a card, right? SACKS: Inga has the codes in a drawer, she can just make a new card right there. But only if you have, uh, Level 1- KEITH: Level 1 clearance, senior staff only. Gotta hand it to you, Sacks. You stay on message like nobody's business. Keith sits down at the table. KEITH: If not for the little perspiration problem, you'd make a great White House press secretary. Sacks hurriedly wipes his brow. KEITH: Yeah. So, security's wonderfully tight, and none of the senior staff took the tapes themselves. Sacks nods, then thinks again and shakes his head. Keith nods. VERONICA: [offscreen] I know we all... INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day two. Veronica, gripping a mug, is walking around the Captain of Industry's end of the table, addressing the jury. VERONICA: ...have better things to do than pull jury duty over the holidays, and I feel your pain. The Captain of Industry chuckles sarcastically. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Does your pain affect two hundred thousand stock holders? I'm supposed to meet with outsourcing contractors in Bangalore. Care to tell them why their CEO couldn't show? SPORTS GUY: And while you're at it, tell the sports fans of Neptune why the mind of Madison Harwell is missing from the airwaves. A woman described as single mother waitress in the credits adds to the grumbles. SINGLE MOTHER WAITRESS: As a divorced mother of two taking unpaid leave from her crap waitress job, could I please suggest we get on with it? VERONICA: Right. We were... Veronica heads for her seat as everyone takes their place. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: I was just wondering if our holdout voter would identify him or herself. As a courtesy to those whose lives you've put on hold. A hand appears in the air. The camera moves down to reveal the Latina woman. She addresses the Captain of Industry sitting next to her. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: No problem, big shot, I'm the one trashing your quarterly earnings. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: I respect your honesty. So I'll be straight with you, too. Is the racial stuff affecting your vote? KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Is it affecting yours? This exasperates the Captain of Industry, who bangs on the table as he pushes back his chair to lean over it, towards her. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Fine. But can you give us one solid reason we should see this girl's story as even remotely credible. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Okay, here's one: a ho that works her ass off all day at a carwash before hitting the streets. That's just something I never heard of. This seems to register with some of the jurors as muttering breaks out. VERONICA: Okay, let's discuss. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Leo is in the hot seat now. LEO: I'm not gonna insult your intelligence, Keith. Don is a fine politician but as a lawman and administrator? Security around here's a joke. KEITH: That's odd. He told me security here was quite impressive. LEO: He thinks so. He locks himself out pretty often. Keith chuckles. LEO: Listen. Someone must have figured what those tapes would be worth on the open market and... Keith looks heavenward before grunting. LEO: What? KEITH: No, it's nothing, I'm an idiot. I've been so hung up on Aaron Echolls and all this evidence tampering, I never stopped to think what those tapes are worth. LEO: Good celebrity p0rn is scarce these days. Leo rises from his seat at the table as Keith turns off his recording device. Leo pauses at the door. LEO: Keith...um, you mind giving my best to your daughter? KEITH: A little. But I'll do it. Keith grins. INT - THE DISPATCH - DAY. Lloyd, last seen in 122 Leave It to Beaver, seems to have a small cubicle to himself these days. He is working on his computer when the phone next to him rings. LLOYD: "Dispatch," Blankenship speaking. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. Keith is calling from the interrogation. The camera continues to cut between the two ends of the phone call. KEITH: Lloyd, Keith Mars here. LLOYD: Got any more true-crime semi-bestsellers for me? KEITH: Fortunately, no. But what I do have needs to stay on background. LLOYD: No problem, man. What's up? KEITH: The sx tapes of Echolls and Lilly Kane have been stolen from the Balboa County Sheriff's Department. Heard any buzz on that? LLOYD: No. But we're not the target market. Whoever's got 'em's going straight to the tabs. KEITH: With whom you legitimate newsmen have no ties whatsoever. LLOYD: Well, I, I do have a casual acquaintance at "The Instigator." KEITH: Well you mind letting me know if he knows anything? LLOYD: It's a she. And I'm happy to do it. KEITH: Well thanks, Lloyd. INT - JAVA THE HUT - NIGHT. Veronica, carrying a tray of dishes as she clears tables, turns straight into Thumper. VERONICA: Oh. Hello. Which one are you? Blinky? Humpty? Zorro? THUMPER: The name is Thumper. Not that you really care. VERONICA: Oh, I care. Deeply. Veronica carries the tray to the counter and sets it down next to notice promoting the Hut's latest delight. VERONICA: I guess you heard about our new cranberry walnut crumb cake. It's true: it's cran-tastic. Veronica points to the notice showily. THUMPER: I just dropped by 'cause me and some of the guys were curious about somethin'. VERONICA: And that would be? Veronica carries on working, wiping down a table. THUMPER: We was just wonderin', now that you're all up inner the 09ers again; you gonna be letting those two little frat boys walk for beating down a poor Mexican chick from our hood? VERONICA: Can't talk about this while the trial's still on. THUMPER: Yeah, 'course not. Wouldn't want to prejudice you or nothin'. You take care, Veronica. Veronica watches Thumper go. INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day three. Veronica walks towards a television on which is stilled a video. VERONICA: These are from the motel's parking lot security cam. She unpauses the video and the jury watch a man run down some stairs, across the car park and over a fence. VERONICA: It does support the motel manager's story of a black guy fleeing with a gun. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Then speaking of the motel, here's something I didn't hear nobody talk about. This motel manager says twelve minutes passed from when he heard shots to when he stuck his head out and saw that pimp running off. Why would a man who just beat some poor gal and shot off a gun stick around so long before getting away? Some of the jurors nod. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith is alone in the interrogation room, pondering. Logan appears at the door. He takes on the persona of a gay style guru. LOGAN: I adore what your designer's done with the men's room. That Hefty bag over the busted urinal adds a delicious wabi-sabi feel. Logan shuts the door behind him as Keith stands. KEITH: It's Don's thing. We went more mid-century modern back in my day. They grin at each other. KEITH: Anyway, thanks for coming by. I'm guessing by your blithe spirits that you have no idea what's up. Keith turns on the recorder. LOGAN: [cautiously] No. But they request my presence here weekly, so... KEITH: Logan, the tapes your dad and Lilly have been stolen from the evidence room. I'm here to investigate how it happened and try to get them back. LOGAN: What? KEITH: Obviously, I need to know what, I mean, if anything, your father might have said lately about the case or the evidence. LOGAN: Oh, wait. Wait. Now I'm totally confused. That sounded a lot like a question you would ask a suspect. An accomplice, say. KEITH: You did spend time with Aaron right before the tapes were stolen. Logan's indignation is interrupted by a knock at the door. KEITH: Yeah. Inga opens and stands at the door. INGA: Excuse me, Keith, Lloyd Blankenship of "The Dispatch" is on the phone. KEITH: Thanks. I'll be right back, excuse me. Keith turns off the recorder and leaves the office. INT - THE DISPATCH - DAY. Lloyd swivels in his chair as he talks to Keith. LLOYD: I just talked to that casual acquaintance at "The Instigator." They've been contacted about the Aaron Echolls sx tapes. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING. Keith is out in the general office, which is decorated for Christmas. The camera cuts between the two locations as the call continues. KEITH: You know who else they approached? LLOYD: Didn't know. But the bids are coming in fast. KEITH: Dare I ask? LLOYD: Current high? Half a million. KEITH: Thanks, Lloyd. Keep me posted? Keith hangs up the phone with something of a sigh. In the interrogation room, Sacks opens the door, holding a ring binder. He puts it down on the table. He doesn't notice that Logan, lying on the bench, is in the room. Sacks exits. Logan, surprised not to have been noticed, gets up and picks it up. With a glance behind him, Logan opens it. On the right hand side, secured by the rings, is a densely typed report. On the left, in the flap, is some sheets of paper. Logan takes the sheets, closes and puts down the file, and quickly folds the papers, stuffing them in his pocket and sitting back in the chair, just as Keith enters. KEITH: Sorry about the interruption. Now, I asked you whether you heard anything unusual from your father. Did he ever mention the tapes when you were locked up with him? LOGAN: [angry] Can you seriously imagine me conspiring to save Daddy dearest? Lilly's killer? KEITH: I'm just making sure I have every pertinent bit of information. LOGAN: I'll tell you what, dude: if I hear anything pertinent, I'll get back at you. The chair scraps against the floor as Logan stands up. KEITH: The name's not "dude," it's Mr Mars. The two stare at each other. SINGLE MOTHER WAITRESS: [offscreen] Kids say the... INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day three continues. The waitress is letting herself into the room. SINGLE MOTHER WAITRESS: ...darndest things. "Mommy, if you get fired, do I still get free leftover Tater Tots?" VERONICA: Look, we all hate this, but until we all agree... KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Look, honey, my whole thing from the start has been to take this job seriously and I am satisfied that we have. If we vote again and nobody crosses over to my side, I'll change my vote. The waitress smiles broadly in hope. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Fair enough? There are a lot of happy murmurings. Harwell, the sports guy, is most enthusiastic of all, drumming on the table. HARWELL: Woo! He pulls off his cap, offering it to Veronica for the vote. VERONICA: Hands will do. All right: all in favour of continued deliberation? From overhead, the camera goes from juror to juror. The knitting grandmother raises her hand to the snort of the Captain of Industry, who clasps his hands together to emphasis his vote against. The black woman raises her hand and there are loud groans in the room. The camera gets back to Veronica, who also raises her hand to more moans. SINGLE MOTHER WAITRESS: Oh, are you kidding? CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Oh god. The Captain of Industry jumps up from the table in disgust, giving Veronica a withering look. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Keith enters the apartment. Veronica, in sparkly dress and elf hat, is just getting a pan out of the oven. Keith looks around the festively decorated apartment. KEITH: I'm sorry, I was looking for my apartment, but I seem to have stumbled upon some sort of magical winter wonderland instead. Why, perhaps this elf can help me. VERONICA: I just thought we needed at least an hour of holiday. Grab a seat. Keith kisses Veronica on the cheek. Veronica returns to being chef, lifting a game hen out of the pan. KEITH: You know, elf, we might not be the richest family in town, but we can afford normal-sized birds once a year or so. Having placed the second one on a dish, Veronica holds it out for Keith. VERONICA: Game hens. They were just so cute. Plus this way, we won't have to eat leftovers on New Year's. KEITH: Well, that's smart thinking. Keith goes to pick at one of the birds. Veronica slaps his hand away. KEITH: Come on, what do they taste like? VERONICA: I don't know. Dense little turkeys? She puts the dish down on the counter that serves as their table and they both take their stools. Keith looks around. KEITH: Thanks for doing all this, honey. VERONICA: Thank the three energy drinks. Merry Christmas, pops. Veronica holds up a glass of wine to tap glasses. Keith picks up the other glass, adopting a faux-stern expression. KEITH: You're drinking wine now? VERONICA: No. God bless us, every one. Cut to later. Keith pushes back the plate with the remnants of his dinner, sighing contentedly. KEITH: [Italian accent] She's a very tiny bird, in-a size, bit in-a taste-a, so big! Keith gestures the size of a turkey with his hands. Veronica smiles and rises to start clearing up. KEITH: Backup can handle the dishes. Right now, how's about an early peek at one of your Christmas presents? VERONICA: What about our strict Christmas morning-only rule? Keith holds out his hands, puffing in mock ignorance. Veronica beams. KEITH: This Christmas we make our own rules. Follow me! Keith leaps up and Veronica claps, running around the counter to follow Keith as he marches towards her room. VERONICA: I'm so impressed you fit a pony into my room. Presents, presents, presents! Veronica skips excitedly into her room. When she reaches the door, Keith puts his hands over her eyes and leads her in. He releases her with a flourish. KEITH: Ta da! Open mouthed, Veronica looks at her laptop on her desk. Keith has put a large bow on it. VERONICA: Uh...yeah, isn't that the same computer you got me two years ago? KEITH: Yeah, on the outside, yes. But this old beast has a new heart pulsing inside her. I'm talking five hundred and twelve gigawatts of RAM, an eighty something or other hard drive, a, a- VERONICA: You don't know what you're saying, do you? KEITH: No. But your friend Mac promised me that it's all very state-of-the-art. VERONICA: Thanks, Dad. You rock. Veronica holds up her hand. Keith follows suit and they high-five. KEITH: Why don't you take it for a test drive? Veronica sits down at her desk and Keith leaves her to it. As soon as she switches on the screen, it fills with two articles. The first, written by Jeremy Davis of Associated Press, is headlined "SDSU Cornerback Goes in Second Round - Myles expected to compete for starting job in secondary." There is a picture of five men, the one in the middle a black man holding up a football shirt, showing "Myles 28." The caption reads "San Diego State graduate, Carnell Myles, (center) is flanked by KPL representatives. The second article, which also has a story about Steve Kaiser who "raises the bar again," is from "The Neptune Register" and has a picture of the same man, in the number 28 shirt, being stretchered off a field with the headline "Training Camp Woes - Local legend Myles suffers career-ending injury." (The author of the second article is probably yours truly in a shout-out from Rick Pickett, but unfortunately is just too damn small to confirm. If anybody can capture the name, please let me know.) VERONICA VOICEOVER: What's this? Two stories from 1999 dated about two months apart? And the man pictured in both stories, Carnell Myles, the same guy who now identifies himself as Anissa Villapondo's pimp. Veronica glances up, but Keith doesn't look at her as he walks out of the room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know which trial I'm on? INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day four. Veronica closes the door and walks towards the table. VERONICA: Maybe the fellas can help out a sports-impaired girl. This Carnell Myles guy, I keep thinking I've heard his name, but he's not a musician, or an actor, anything I'd know. Did he used to play something? Harwell, standing nearby, has a revelation. HARWELL: Damn, you know, I think you're right. Matrix Myles! Incredible cornerback at San Diego State. He got drafted by the Bengals. Harwell takes his place at the table. The Women's Studies Professor, who has been gazing out of the window, takes an interest. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: So how'd he end up a pimp? HARWELL: First day of training camp, he blew out his knee. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Miss Foreman? Any idea how this no-cartilage-having ex-jock managed to leap over that wall? There are more loud groans. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith is going through the ring binder in frustration. KEITH: Hey Sacks! The interrogation room door is open and Deputy Sacks can be seen outside in the general office. He gets up from the desk and wanders to the door. KEITH: I'm not finding that list of the email addresses for everyone on staff that I asked you for. Sacks points at the ring binder. SACKS: Um, it's in the flap. KEITH: The flap, right. What flap? SACKS: The packet I gave you? I put it in there. KEITH: Well, I see a flap, but it's empty. Sacks shrugs. SACKS: I put it in the flap. He wanders back to his desk. Keith stares at him. INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day four continues. The Captain of Industry is walking slowly back to his seat. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Okay. So Robert McKinnon the sports agent is Robbie McKinnon's father. What does that prove? VERONICA: It proves diddly. But it begs some interesting questions about how Carnell Myles got involved in all this. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Are you suggesting that Robert McKinnon paid his former client to take the rap for his son? VERONICA: It happens. Trust me. The Captain of Industry shakes his head. NED FLANDERS TYPE: What good would money do a man serving twenty years for assault? KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Twenty years? Mejo, you got some funny ideas about how judges deal with pimps who slap their hookers around. Six months, maybe. VERONICA: And is my theory really any crazier than the other way of looking at it? CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: What other way? VERONICA: That a pimp, tricking eighty dollar hookers, showed up out of the goodness of his heart to save two rich white boys from doing time. HARWELL: But there's still the gun. Nothing ties it to the defendants. NED FLANDERS TYPE: And we all saw it in the hands of the guy running from the motel. In amongst the murmurs of assent, Veronica has an idea. She stands. VERONICA: The gun belonged to Anissa. The jurors looks at her in amazement. The Captain of Industry puts his hands behind his head. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: [patronisingly] This should be good. Veronica starts to pace, thinking on her feet. VERONICA: We know she has a firearms rap. Parole in those cases forbids you to own a gun. The boys attack her, she pulls the gun, they flee, but if she admits the gun is hers, it's prison for sure. She has to ditch the gun before the cops arrive. But she's too beat up to do it herself. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: So she gets her friend to do it. Anquan Simmons. VERONICA: Whom she calls after the attack, and who was seen fleeing the scene twelve minutes later with a gun. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: So aside from the theory you just yanked out of your... Veronica waits for it. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: ...imagination...what ties the gun to Miss Villapondo? VERONICA: Process of elimination. The guy running from the motel wasn't Carnell Myles, so it couldn't have been his. If it belonged to the boys, Anissa wouldn't have needed to hide it. Their fingerprints would have been on it as well as hers. HARWELL: But that still leaves... VERONICA: Anissa and the anti-gravity guy we saw hopping the fence. So unless that guy was in the room the whole time, which neither the defence nor the prosecution has proposed, the gun is Anissa's. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith walks into the general office. KEITH: Inga, can I - She thrusts a sheet of paper at him. KEITH: What's this? INGA: It's an anonymous email I just got. Keith reads it as Sacks appears near them, attending to something at his desk. KEITH: For an offer of fifty thousand dollars for the tapes. Sacks, did you get an email like this? Sacks takes and examines the email. SACKS: Uh...yeah. Just today. We all got 'em. Sacks looks up into Keith's baleful gaze and becomes defensive. SACKS: I told the Sheriff. KEITH: Get me another copy of that email list. [SCENE_BREAK] Sacks exits to execute his instructions. Cut to a little later. Keith is in the general office using one of the computer. He has a partially completed email on screen, from [email protected] (Inga@Work). It is addressed to "Got Tapes?" and in the subject line is "Re: Echolls Video Tapes." In the body of the email, Keith has copied the original email sent to Inga. That was from [email protected], dated Thursday December 29th at 1:56pm. Keith types, "Your offer is acceptable. Please advise re: transfer and payment" and sends the email. It disappears off the screen, leaving the original which reads, "I would like to offer $50,000 for all originals and copies of the Aaron Echolls tapes you are holding as evidence for his upcoming trial. Reply to this email address if you are willing to sell them to me." INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day four continues. The videotape from the motel is shown again. A man jumps over a high fence. Veronica switches the video off. HARWELL: Not too shabby for a guy with a surgically fused knee. VERONICA: True, that. She holds up the mugshot of Simmons. VERONICA: Now take another look at this photo of Anquan Simmons. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: From a distance, it'd be pretty easy to mistake him for Carnell Myles. VERONICA: So, are we ready for a vote? Sounds of assent reverberate around the room. VERONICA: All for acquittal, raise your hands. The Captain of Industry and the Ned Flanders type both raise their hands. Everyone else keeps their hands on the table. The Captain of Industry looks disbelievingly at Madison Harwell. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: You wanna miss more ball games? HARWELL: Gimme a break, Daddy Warbucks. She laid out a good - He is interrupted by the bailiff poking his head into the room. BAILIFF: Pardon me, Miss Mars, the judge would like to see you in her chambers. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: [aggressively] Here's something for our foreman to pass along: I will never vote for conviction. No matter what. You tell the judge this jury's hung. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith is still sitting in front of the computer screen. He is viewing with mild interest a .pdf letter of 19 December from Woody to Lamb. The actual letter is dated the 18th and is addressed to Lamb at Balboa County Sheriff's Department, 602 Pennington Street, Neptune, CA 90909. Woody says, "I am writing to inform you of my decision to employ an external auditor to investigate the recent disappearance of the Aaron Echolls sx tapes. A level of integrity and professionalism needs to be upheld throughout the process to ensure we do not appear to [sic] lax on security or look foolish in the eyes of the voters. I have yet to decide who I will appoint to head the investigation but currently I am leaning towards Keith Mars. I understand that Keith and you grate [?] each other at times, but I ask you to acquiesce to any requests he, or another investigation, asks of you during the course of this investigation. Both our jobs are at stake here and after winning a contentious race for sheriff, I'm sure you'll understand the gravity of my purpose and request." Underneath, a list of emails already read, including one telling Inga that she could be a winner and a second more intriguing one. This is headed "Re: Report Closet" and is presumably Lamb's follow-up to the investigation into Grace Manning from 107 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner. It is not clear whether Keith has read this. There is one other, unread, email, headed "Re: Re: Echolls Video Tapes" and is the response to the email Keith sent out. He opens it. In a slight faux pas with the dates, the original email is now times at 1:45pm and Keith's response at 1:51pm. The response is short and to the point: "Sorry dude, I already have the tapes." KEITH: It's Mr. Mars to you. INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day four continues. The jurors are all standing, putting on their coats and chatting with each other. Veronica enters. SINGLE MOTHER WAITRESS: What happened? VERONICA: She asked me whether we were deadlocked. I said no. Then she said we're not going home until we reach a verdict. This news is met with various expressions of frustration. The Captain of Industry, now in his seat, stares at Veronica in pure hatred. The Latina woman gets her knitting out of her bag and sits down again. KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Okay, no problem. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY. Music: Edge of the Ocean by Ivy. LYRICS: There's a place I dream about Where the sun never goes out And the sky is deep and blue Won't you take me there with you Ohhh, we can begin again. Shed our skin, let the sun shine in. At the edge of the ocean We can start over again Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la, sha-la-la Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la, sha-la-la There's a world I've always known Somewhere far away from home When I close my eyes I see All the space and mystery. Ohhh, we can begin again. Shed our skin, let the sun shine in. At the edge of the ocean We can start over again. Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la, sha-la-la Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la, sha-la-la Lilly's face is on the television screen. One of the tapes from the pool house is playing. Aaron's face appears as they change positions in bed. Logan watches tearfully, looking devastated and very, very lost. Eventually, he rises from the sofa and retrieves the tape and its label. He returns to the ottoman, where other tapes are neatly lined upon it, together with a lighter and a degausser. He runs the degausser over the tape, which he then adds to the rest. It's all done with gut-wrenching precision. He collects all the labels and bends down, holding them over a metal bin. He uses the lighter to set the labels alight, only dropping them when they are nearly fully engulfed. As he watches the labels burn in the bin, there is a knock on the door. Logan wipes away the tears and opens the door. It's Keith. He instantly grasps Logan's emotional state and Keith's face shows a gentle sympathy. KEITH: For that experience you paid fifty grand? They stare at each other for a moment, then Logan backs away from the door, allowing Keith to enter. Logan leans against the wall in the small hall. LOGAN: Yeah, all that matters is that the world wide web won't be hosting mpegs of my old man defiling the love of my life. KEITH: For a guy who says he hates his father, you sure did him a huge favour. LOGAN: Well, I've seen the tapes. I could testify against him as well as anyone else. KEITH: You can also go to jail. This is a serious crime. LOGAN: Yeah? Uh, where's the evidence? Logan casts a look back over his shoulder to the lounge and the ottoman. KEITH: I believe those are the tapes right there. LOGAN: Yeah, those are blank. KEITH: Blank tapes made you cry? Keith walks towards the ottoman. Logan follows him. LOGAN: Yeah, I thought I'd saved the Daria marathon on them. KEITH: Right. And most people have a tape degausser just hanging around on their coffee table. Logan smiles faintly and shrugs. KEITH: Well, at least tell me this: how did you manage to buy those tapes for a tenth of their market price? Logan's smile deepens as he references Blance DuBois from "A Streetcar Named Desire." LOGAN: Why, sir, I've always depended upon the kindness of strangers. KEITH: Oh, kindness at the sheriff's department. I seriously doubt... Keith's words fade as he realises who at the sheriff's department might offer kindness and he looks sad. End music: Edge of the Ocean by Ivy. INT - JURY ROOM - DAY. Day four continues. Veronica leaps to her feet. VERONICA: I'm not questioning your integrity. I'm just asking you for a logical response to the points I've raised. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Logical? Look, Barbie... The black Women's Studies professor, who had been resting her forehead on her clasped hands, jerks her head up at that to stare at the Captain of Industry distastefully. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: I've had a bellyful of your snide little digs. Here's my final word. He emphasises his proclamation by rising to his feet. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: [with feeling] I'll never, ever, send two boys from good families to jail on the word of that Mexican whore! Someone at the table says "Oh, come on," and there are gasps all around. Veronica just stares at him. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: I think it's time to take a break. HARWELL: Yeah, good idea. The woman gets up from the table, as does Harwell. A number of the other jurors are staring at the Captain of Industry with something akin to horror. More and more get up from the table and turn their backs on him, still muttering about his outburst. Last to rise is the moustachioed Ned Flanders type. NED FLANDERS TYPE: Miss Foreman? I'd like to change my vote. Veronica nods her head. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: What? [condescending] Did God just speak to you? Veronica glares at him. NED FLANDERS TYPE: Sir, I think that's a bit out of line. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: You're right. I apologise. And you know what? I'm changing my vote too. Everyone gasps anew as he heads back to his seat and sits down. CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: Even lying hookers deserve a little holiday cheer, don't they? KNITTING GRANDMOTHER: Are you serious? CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY: 'Course I'm serious. Light the yule log, crank the Manheim steamroller, it's Christmas! Those boys will appeal, and they'll win. I'll sleep with visions of sugarplums, trusting their fate in a jury that doesn't kowtow to a high school cheerleader! Veronica thrusts out her arms in cheerleader style. VERONICA: Yay! More pointedly, she addresses the Captain of Industry. VERONICA: Let me take this moment to thank you. I learned a lot about civic responsibility. He has the grace to look a little uncomfortable. Cut to a little later. The room is emptying as Veronica gets her coat from the rail. The black woman approaches her. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: Pardon me, Veronica? I just wanted to congratulate you on the superb job you did. Most impressive, especially for someone your age. VERONICA: Thanks. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: I don't know if you've made plans for college, but I think you'd fit right in at Hearst. VERONICA: Stay here, in Neptune? WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: Well, we won't be moving the university. VERONICA: I'd really kinda planned on having my car packed and running during graduation ceremonies, just to kinda beat the rush out of Neptune. Then there's the other thing. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: What other thing? VERONICA: The tuition. Hearst is a-is a bit pricey. WOMEN'S STUDIES PROFESSOR: We have some very generous scholarship and grant programs. You're our kind of student. I'd fight for you. EXT - JAVA THE HUT - NIGHT. Veronica walks towards her car. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, life goes on. Another day of work, carry-out meatloaf, two lousy days of holiday left. The LeBaron's windscreen has the words "Muchas Gracias Bitch!" across it. Veronica looks worriedly around the car park. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And a freshly vandalised car. Socially speaking, looks like I'm right back where I was a year ago. Somehow, I don't think I'd be very welcome anymore at Dick's New Year's Eve bash. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica walks into the apartment. Keith is sitting at the kitchen counter, reading something. VERONICA: Tax reports? Did you change careers without consulting me? Keith carefully closes up the report he was examining. VERONICA: My dad the accountant's seriously less cool. Veronica heads for the cupboard under the microwave. VERONICA: Oh, hey, did you hear about our verdict? We voted to convict. It's making me real popular with my classmates. KEITH: It's not always easy doing the right thing. Veronica retrieves a roll of paper towel and some spray cleaner. VERONICA: If that phrase isn't on the Mars family crest, it should be. KEITH: What's with the janitorial supplies? Veronica heads for the door. VERONICA: Oh, just tidying up after a billion or so starlings. They seem to be the official courthouse mascot. KEITH: Veronica. She is halfway out the door. She pauses and looks back at Keith. KEITH: What can you tell me about Deputy Leo, about his family? Veronica knits her brow as she stares at Keith. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Leo is in the general office, busy at a computer screen. Keith calls him from the door of the interrogation room. KEITH: Deputy. Can you step in here for a moment, I need to speak with you. Leo walks into the interrogation room. LEO: What's up, Keith? Keith closes the door behind them. KEITH: Tell me about your little sister. Leo is gutted by the question but knows now what is coming. He puts his hands in his pockets and responds with affection. LEO: Tina? What can I say, she's a great kid. She's ten years old, she's totally nuts about the 49ers, she challenges me at crazy eights every night, she always wins. He chuckles. LEO: She's got Down Syndrome, though. Uh, so learning is kind of a struggle. Leo almost seems to be pleading with Keith. KEITH: Is that why you stole the tapes? Leo stares at him, accepting that Keith can't let it go. He takes a moment, sighs heavily and then sits on the bench in the room. He puts his head in his hands before removing them and addressing Keith. LEO: Keith...I'm so sorry. You know, Tina's having a really rough time at public school, she's getting picked on, she's falling way behind. You know, I want to send her to private school where she can get special care, but, uh... KEITH: That's rough, Leo. But I still don't see how you can justify what you've done. Keith joins him on the bench. KEITH: You really damaged the case against Echolls. LEO: You know, Keith, there are several people including Veronica who saw those tapes and can testify what's on them. I hope you realize I didn't do this to get rich. I mean, I coulda made a whole lot more if I wanted to. KEITH: I know. Like half a million. That must've been hard to pass up. LEO: Well, actually, it was easy. I nearly gave the tapes back, thinking about them plastered all over the internet. Until I saw Logan Echolls in the hallway pouring over a list of all the departmental email addresses. I got his message and I knew it was him. He made it clear that he just wanted them destroyed. KEITH: Well, you know I can't just let you slide on this one, Leo. LEO: I know. I'm not asking you to. Cut to later. In the interrogation room, Keith is typing on his laptop. KEITH VOICEOVER: Although no single cause can directly account for the theft, the primary factor appears to be insufficient oversight by the designated caretakers. Leo enters Lamb's office slowly, with his head down. KEITH VOICEOVER: Most notably, Deputy Leo D'Amato. While it is my strong belief that Logan Echolls obtained the tapes... Leo places his gun on the desk and hands his badge over to Lamb. KEITH VOICEOVER:...the evidence has undoubtedly been destroyed. For this reason, a conviction seems unlikely. Back in the interrogation room, Keith's cell phone rings. He answers it. KEITH: Keith Mars. There is a long pause as Keith listens, his face falling. KEITH: No, that's all right, I'm just kind of shocked. Look, I really appreciate you giving me the heads-up. There is a shorter pause. KEITH: Yeah, I hope so too. Bye. Keith folds up his phone and sighs heavily. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica is curled up on her bed, a pen in her hand, a book balanced on her thighs. There is a knock at the door. She looks up as Keith enters. VERONICA: Did you see the moving truck out front? Miss Moan-a Lisa and Mister Outside Voice next door finally got the boot. Keith sits down heavily on the bed at her feet. VERONICA: Two old acquaintances that should be forgotten. KEITH: Honey, there's something I need to tell you. I just got a call from the hospital. Meg died. A blood clot dislodged and made its way to her heart. Veronica's eyes turn watery. She closes the book in which she is writing and leans forward. VERONICA: [softly] The baby? KEITH: A girl, she survived. Veronica chokes a sob and then leans further forward to hug Keith, who holds her closely as she cries. Cut to a little later. The television is on, showing New Year's Eve celebrations from New York's Times Square. VERONICA VOICEOVER: New Year's Eve. Someone just needs to change the name to Same Old Year's Eve, because that "New," implying all that hope and promise, it's not fooling anyone. Keith and Veronica are on the sofa, watching. Veronica has her lying down with her head on a pillow on Keith's lap and his arm is around her shoulder. He pats her. KEITH: Okay, okay, babe. I'm hittin' the bunkhouse. VERONICA: But...Dad, you'll miss the ball. KEITH: Oh, I saw it the past forty years or so. It, you know, drops. You'll see. Good night. Keith slides out from under Veronica and gets off the couch. VERONICA: We still got pizza coming. KEITH: It's all yours. Knock yourself out. Cash is on the TV. Keith goes into his bedroom. Veronica readjusts the pillow as she continues to lie on the sofa. There's a knock on the door. Veronica gets up with a sigh, grabbing the money on top of the television. She opens the door. It's Wallace. He beams. WALLACE: Happy New Year! Veronica is overcome. She grabs him in a tight hug, holding back tears. Cut to a little later. The celebrations on the box are in full swing. TV ANNOUNCER: And to the traditional strains of "Auld Lang Syne," the joyful crowd in Times Square begins to countdown the final seconds of the old year. Veronica is cuddled up tight next to Wallace on the sofa and he has his arm around her. She looks up and smiles at him and he grins back. They watch the countdown. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, I'm a sucker. I'll give this New Year thing one last chance. TV ANNOUNCER: Five...four...three...two...one...Happy New Year! End.	Plan: A: Veronica; Q: Who is selected to be a juror for a case between two 09er boys and a poor Hispanic woman? A: Keith; Q: Who investigates the disappearance of sex tapes from the evidence locker in the police station? A: Meg; Q: Who wakes up from her coma and tells Veronica that she does not want her parents to have custody of her baby? A: Duncan; Q: Who dumped Meg? A: Wallace; Q: Who returns from Chicago? Summary: Veronica is selected to be a juror for a case between two 09er boys and a poor Hispanic woman, and Keith investigates the disappearance of sex tapes from the evidence locker in the police station. Meg awakes from her coma and tells Veronica that she does not want her parents to receive custody of her baby. She apologizes to Veronica for her attitude towards her after Duncan dumped her, and although she dies shortly afterwards, her baby survives. Wallace returns from Chicago.
"The Graft in the Girl" [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to hospital corridor. Booth, Brennan and Angela are walking together.) ANGELA: Uh, Agent Booth? BOOTH: Yes, Angela? ANGELA: This is the pediatric cancer floor of the hospital. BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Yeah. ANGELA: Right. Well, uh, what I'm about to show Deputy Director Cullen is kinda gruesome (pointing to her bag). BRENNAN: (looking up from papers she's flipping through.) Why are we meeting Cullen here? BOOTH: Because he's the deputy director of the FBI and this is where he wants us to show it to him. (Gets looks from both Angela and Brennan.) OK, listen. About a month ago his daughter Amy was diagnosed with cancer. Meso... BRENNAN: (cuts in) Mesothelioma. Lung cancer. BOOTH: Exactly. So she's not doing so well, so it's a lot easier for us to come to him right now. BRENNAN: Huh. BOOTH: (looks at her) Huh, what? BRENNAN: Nothing. It's just that's an extremely rare form of lung cancer-odd for someone Amy's age to contract. BOOTH: (stops walking and faces Brennan, holding out hand) No, no, no. No probing, OK? Not to Cullen, not to his family. (Drops his voice) This will take five minutes. We go in, do the show and tell relating to the case and then we're out of there. Is that clear? (Cullen walks outside of room 128) . BRENNAN: I think it's peculiar. BOOTH: No. BRENNAN: But I... BOOTH: (cuts in) No. BRENNAN: You have to admit... CULLEN: (cutting in) Booth. (Booth and Brennan looks over) Dr. Brennan. How appropriate, you two bickering in an adolescent wing. BOOTH: (flustered) Uh, sir, yes. Um, is it OK if we come in, sir? CULLEN: (turns and asks his daughter inside the room) What do you think, sweetheart? AMY: (inside the hospital room, in bed with her mother at her side) Booth's cool, most of the time. CULLEN: (outside the room) You heard the lady. You're cool. BOOTH: (smiles) Mm-hmmm. BRENNAN: (whispers) Yeah, right. (They walk inside). [SCENE_BREAK] (Cuts to inside Amy's hospital room. Angela has her laptop set up on a table as she sits next to Cullen to go over the evidence. Booth and Brennan are also in the room.) ANGELA: (taking a deep breath) Are you sure it's all right for me to do this here? AMY: (From the bed, while drawing) Nothing I haven't seen before. CULLEN: Let's see what you got here, Angela. BRENNAN: Note the estimated time of death is mid-June. Extreme humidity combined with insects and precipitation accelerated the rate of decomp (images shown on the computer). CULLEN: So based on this the victim's body was not mutilated after death? BRENNAN: The effects were totally environmental. BOOTH: Murder doesn't fit the suspect's profile, sir. ANGELA: Yeah. It's not nice to fool Mother Nature. CULLEN: (gestures to the screen) I'd like to see this again. BRENNAN: Knock yourself out, sir. Eighty-six times is our limit. (Angela and Brennan walks over towards Amy's bed as Cullen looks at the computer some more.) ANGELA: Can I see your drawings? (looks) Wow. These are beautiful. MRS. CULLEN: Our artist in the making. AMY: Right now I'm doing landscapes. I'm really into this French dude Rousseau. ANGELA: (nods) Yeah. There's...uh...There's a lot of Rousseau in Paris. Have you ever been to the Louvre? (cuts to Angela flipping through Amy's drawings.) AMY: No, not yet. But it's on my list. Right after "fall in love" and "learn to drive." (Shot of Cullen looking sad hearing his daughter talk) ANGELA: Well, you've got a great eye. AMY: Thanks. I think what you do is pretty awesome too. I mean, computers are not for me, but I get it. ANGELA: (points) Can I see what you're working on? (Amy hands Angela her sketchpad) BRENNAN: She's amazing. MRS. CULLEN: Mm-hmmm. Amy's been very brave this week. They're trying an experimental viral chemotherapy, and we're very optimistic. BRENNAN: Since asbestos exposure is the primary way people contract mesothelioma...how do you think...(Booth clears his throat loudly behind her) How do you think Amy got it? CULLEN: Oh, we don't know, Dr. Brennan. The first place we looked after she was diagnosed was all her previous schools, the house we lived in...nothing. BRENNAN: Has there been a history of illness? (Booth clears his throat in the back again) MRS. CULLEN: Hardly. Apart from breaking her leg snowboarding a year ago I can't remember the last time she was sick. BRENNAN: How bad was the break? CULLEN: Compound fracture, left tibia. AMY: I was boarding with some friends and I...I hit a tree. Pretty dumb, huh? BRENNAN: And that required surgery? MRS. CULLEN: A bone graft. BOOTH: (standing up from the back, and walking towards Brennan, trying to usher her away) I hate to drag these lovely squints back to the lab, but, you see, we have another case. BRENNAN: (trying to get out of his grasp) No we don't. BOOTH: Oh, yes we do. BRENNAN: Could I see Amy's graft X-ray? BOOTH: Sir, I apologize. CULLEN (standing up) Of course. (Hands Brennan the x-ray) If you think they'll tell us anything. (Brennan holds up the x-ray and looks) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the lab, Hodgins is looking at the same x-ray. Brennan and Zack are present too.) HODGINS: Whoa. BRENNAN: What? HODGINS: Well, pardon the fromage reference, but what's with the moldy Gruyere in that leg? BRENNAN: The lighter colour is evidence of demineralization. HODGINS: I'm not the bone expert here, but...yuck. ZACK: (looking at image) Osteoporosis. BRENNAN: Basically. The bone has become porous, something that happens with age. (Pointing at image) Zack, see if you can isolate the grafted portion and enlarge it. ZACK: Amy Cullen's file states the donor of the bone was 25 years old (enlarging image). BRENNAN: (shaking head) Well, I don't buy it. HODGINS: What about the aging disease? ZACK: I've seen progerian skeletons. This isn't one of them. BRENNAN: This bone is significantly less dense than a person in their twenties. That's for sure. ZACK: How old do you think the donor really was? BRENNAN: Judging from the reduction in bone mass...at least sixty. (Looks exchanged between them). [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to hospital, where a doctor is washing his hands and prepping for surgery. Brennan and Booth are talking to him.) BRENNAN: Doctor, you performed Amy Cullen's graft, correct? DOCTOR: Yes, But I just do the procedure, Ms. Brennan. BOOTH: Dr. Brennan. DOCTOR: MD? BRENNAN: PhD. DOCTOR: Well, those who can't do, do research. BOOTH: (stepping in) OK... BRENNAN: (stops him) Booth... BOOTH: OK, fine. If you're just the mechanic then who's responsible for all the parts that you install? DOCTOR: You'll have to check with the hospital's transplant coordinator. Why? What's going on? BRENNAN: There are indications the bone graft you implanted in Amy Cullen gave her cancer. DOCTOR: No, that's impossible. Every graft we get has been tested and irradiated. BRENNAN: There's one way to know for sure. Assuming significant remodeling hasn't occurred do a transiliac crest core biopsy on the donor bone. Then we'll have age and pathology. DOCTOR: And who's going to perform that biopsy, Doctor? BRENNAN: You are. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the window outside of Amy's room. The doctors are performing the biopsy while Cullen and his wife look on. Booth and Brennan are watching through the window.) BOOTH: It looks like it hurts. BRENNAN: They use local anesthetic and make a small incision before inserting the needle into the bone. (Shows the procedure) A tiny core of bone is taken, a little more than a sixth of an inch in diameter using a ratchet-like device in the needle. BOOTH: (grimacing) So it hurts? BRENNAN: Amy's a tough kid. She's doing great. BOOTH: It's not Amy I'm worried about (shot of Cullen holding Amy's hand tightly). Now let's go talk to the coordinator about the graft. Unlike Amy, he gets to go home tonight (they turn to leave). [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to inside an office. Brennan and Booth are sitting in chairs talking to Dr. Ogden, who is behind the desk. His assistant Alexandra is standing next to him.) BRENNAN: You're a popular man, Dr. Ogden. OGDEN: Well, when you're responsible for finding body parts that save lives, you have no idea. I have one gentleman offer me his cattle ranch in Montana. BOOTH: Well, people, they get desperate, right? Did you take him up on it? OGDEN: That would be dishonest, Agent Booth. If anything, this office is built on the goodness of people. ALEXANDRA: Cullen, Amy A. Bone graft number 4429 (handing over file). OGDEN: (opening file and looking) All right. According to my report the bone that was donated was harvested from...um...a 25-year-old. BRENNAN: Can you give us the name of the donor? OGDEN: I can't provide you with that information (putting file down on desk). BOOTH: What about other recipients? Any other patients here get a part from the same body? OGDEN: When I said I couldn't tell you, it's because we have no way of knowing. You'd have to ask the tissue bank for that. (grabs pen to write down information) BioTech Tissue Services. We've been using them for a long time. Never had a problem. BOOTH: Amy Cullen has a problem. She's dying. OGDEN: Through no fault of this office, I'm sure. (hands paper over) If we can be of any further assistance, don't hesitate to call. BOOTH: Thanks for being so sympathetic. We'll check into it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Angela's office in the Lab. She's working in front of her computer as Hodgins walks in.) HODGINS: New osteologic scans to input, as requested. ANGELA: Hey, check this out. HODGINS: (screen shows Amy's artwork) Monet? ANGELA: Amy Cullen. HODGNS: You're kidding (looking closer). ANGELA: No. I ran it through the digitizer. She's a good kid. I wanted to show her that computers don't have to be the enemy. HODGINS: (smiles) Not bad for a certified member of the geek squad. ANGELA: (smiles) Ah, I'll take that as a compliment. HODGINS: Well, you should. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to platform in the lab, where everyone is working and looking at images of Amy's bone graft.) BRENNAN: (reading a book) This is a cross section from Amy's bone graft. Zack, what's the ratio of primary to secondary osteons? ZACK: I only see secondary. Exactly what you'd expect to see in an older decedent. BRENNAN: (to Angela, who is typing) And accompanying data? ANGELA (shot of information on the computer) Well, I'm no expert but I think it supports as well. BRENNAN: So based on this one sample, it's clear that the donor bone came from someone in their sixties. BOOTH: But how do we know that it's the bone that gave Amy cancer? BRENNAN: Because of this. (Shot of the bone magnified on the computer screen) Magnify. The graft is riddled with cancer. ZACK: Cancer consistent with morphology origin in the pleura, most likely mesothelioma. BRENNAN: Whoever this is had terminal cancer. And no so does Amy. ZACK: She went in for a broken leg and was poisoned. ANGELA: (shaking head) She never even had a chance. BRENNAN: Someone knew that bone was infected and they gave it to her anyway. ZACK: This will kill Amy Cullen. BOOTH: Well, in that case, it's murder. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to FBI building. Booth and Brennan are talking to Cullen in his office.) BRENNAN: Your daughter's cancer originated in the bone graft. The test confirms it. CULLEN: It was the operation? BRENNAN: Not only was the bone contaminated by malignancy it was significantly older than documented. CULLEN: It was expired or something? BOOTH: No, sir. It just came from a much older donor. BRENNAN: Someone in their sixties. CULLEN: (scoffs) Hospital error. BOOTH: The next step would be to find out where the graft came from and how it slipped through the system. CULLEN: This is not FBI jurisdiction. BOOTH: It's a question of justice. CULLEN: Does this, in any way, change my daughter's prognosis? BRENNAN: No. CULLEN: So she's still gonna die of this cancer? BRENNAN: Barring spontaneous remission the likelihood is significant. CULLEN: (looking down) The FBI's not my personal police force. I appreciate what you discovered. Call Charlie Hammond, CDC. Tell him what happened...he'll continue the investigation (turns to leave). BRENNAN: My team can still... BOOTH: (cuts in) We'll notify CDC right away. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to inside the car. Booth is driving while Brennan is in the passenger seat.) BRENNAN: So that's it? Whoever did this to Amy Cullen just gets away. BOOTH: No. What we do now is we find out a way to make this a legitimate FBI case. BRENNAN: If one graft is infected, there's no telling how many others are out there. BOOTH: Geez, you know, I feel like I'm on a serial killer case just waiting for another victim to surface. BRENNAN: You're not far off. What if BioTech makes a habit of selling diseased parts? BOOTH: Well, then it becomes FBI business if one of those tainted grafts is sold across state line. BRENNAN: Well, you can spit into four states from where we are right now. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Not literally. BOOTH: OK, first we gotta find out if this tissue lab is servicing any other hospitals. BRENNAN: See if they've killed anyone else. BOOTH: Amy Cullen is not dead, Bones. BRENNAN: I'm afraid there's a degree of inevitability. (Looks exchanged) Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Amy's hospital room. Angela is showing her artwork projected on the wall.) ANGELA: It's pretty excellent, huh? AMY: (walking closer) Is that mine? ANGELA: Uh huh. AMY: (walking right up, and touching the projection) How'd you do that? ANGELA: Most of the time I restore and enhance old bones, so this is a lot more fun. AMY: (touching her drawing) It's hard, you know? One second I'm at school and I'm gonna be an artist and the next...My friends don't know what to say. My parents are scared. Things change, I guess. ANGELA: (emotional) Yeah. Yeah, sometimes they do. AMY: Angela? Is the Louvre just unbelievable? ANGELA: It's the most beautiful place you'll ever see. AMY: Maybe you can tell me about it sometime. ANGELA: You'll go there yourself. I know you will. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Booth and Brennan walking down a building's corridor, approaching a door.) BOOTH: 270. Here's BioTech. We get in there, we sweat the head guy. (Knocks on door) Hello? F...(opens unlocked door into an empty office)...BI. (Walking into the empty office) OK, so this is BioTech. (Cut to Booth talking to a man inside the empty office) MAN: Sorry I couldn't be of more help. BOOTH: (shaking his hand) Thanks. I appreciate it. (Walks over to Brennan) All right. Building manager says BioTech went belly-up two years ago. They couldn't even pay their last month's rent. BRENNAN: Where did they go? BOOTH: He doesn't know. BRENNAN: What? Two years ago? BOOTH: Exactly. I mean, Amy Cullen's graft was sold to Washington General twelve months ago. BRENNAN: If BioTech doesn't exist, who sold the diseased bone to the hospital? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to hospital, Booth and Brennan are walking into Dr. Ogden's office.) BOOTH: Where is he? ALEXANDRA: Dr. Ogden had to oversee the transport of a liver to Baltimore. He won't be back until morning. BOOTH: Oh, a liver? Where'd he get this one from, huh? An alcoholic at a corner bar? ALEXANDRA: We've dealt with BioTech for years. They're very reputable. BRENNAN: There's no such company as BioTech. ALEXANDRA: That's not possible. BOOTH: Well, you know what I think? I think Ogden's in on this whole thing. A little biomedical payloa. Buys third-rate parts in exchange for a condo in St. Croix. ALEXANDRA: Dr. Ogden's a very a good man. I know there are problems in his past, but that's just... BOOTH: (cutting in) Oh, you mean there are skeletons in his closet? Well, I can't wait to see this guy's record. BRENNAN: Alexandra, is there any way to tell if a patient at Washington General received a graft from the same donor as Amy Cullen? ALEXANDRA: Only the tissue lab knows for sure. But after you left, I was curious, and... BRENNAN: Please. It's already too late for Amy but it might not be for someone else. ALEXANDRA: (contemplating) A woman named Kelly DeMarco. (Booth gets on his cell phone) It was a car accident. BOOTH: (into phone) This is Booth. I need a phone and address for a Kelly DeMarco in the Potomac area. ALEXANDRA: Two grafts, same day as Amy. Both grafts came from BioTech. BOOTH: (to phone still) When? You sure? BRENNAN: What is it? BOOTH: Thanks. (hangs up) Kelly DeMarco...she's dead. ALEXANDRA: Oh, my god. BRENNAN: We need to know for sure if she had the same kind of cancer. We have to exhume her. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Lab. Brennan and Zack are working on remains while Booth watches.) ZACK: Kelly DeMarco, age 32, dead of lung cancer two months ago. BRENNAN: (places bone on dish) Take a biopsy of this ulna graft from Ms. DeMarco and compare it with the core sample from Amy's leg. BOOTH: Look, I spoke to DeMarco's husband. She, uh, had the accident, she had all the operations. You know, she never smoked a cigarette in her whole life only to die of lung cancer eight months ago. ZACK: (places dish under microscope) When your number's up, I guess, right? I never understood that saying 'when your number's up.' Numbers and equations are quantitative and predictable. (looks through lens) Everyone knows when a number's up. BOOTH: (shakes heads) How do you listen to this all day? BRENNAN: I find intelligence soothing. ZACK: It's amazing how quickly this spread. (Shots of the graft on computer screen) The grafts went into this woman's body and within weeks, the cancer cells metastasized to her lungs. By then, the disease was unstoppable. BRENNAN: Same bones, same donor, same disease. BOOTH: Look, I got three agents out there right now searching for BioTech. But all we have to work on is this email address assigned to a fictitious name. OK, let's just...let's just say that Ogden and this, uh, fake tissue lab are in cahoots. How many other bones out there can be from the same donor? ZACK: There are 206 bones in the human body, Agent Booth. Of those, any number of them are graftable. BOOTH: Ok, you're saying that hundreds of people could still be out there with cancer time bombs in them and not even realize it? BRENNAN: We need to call every hospital in the DC area. If they acquired BioTech grafts at the same time as Amy, those recipients need to be tracked down and tested immediately. BOOTH: Fine, if you're right, then the Bureau can officially designate this a serial killing. ZACK: (working on computer) Agent Booth, the records you've been waiting for. BOOTH: (walks over to look at the screen, where a picture of Ogden come up next to text) Oh, look at this. Alexandra Combs...she wasn't lying. Background check turns up that Ogden was fired from a private hospital in Denver. BRENNAN: Reason? BOOTH: Accepting a bribe for bumping someone up in the donor lists. This guy is dirty. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to a room where Ogden is being interrogated by Booth and Brennan.) OGDEN: Look, what I did in Denver was wrong, but I did it for a good reason. BOOTH: To line your pockets. OGDEN: The money went to keep a struggling clinic afloat. Besides, it came from a family that could afford it. BRENNAN: So taking advantage of wealthy people is ok? OGDEN: I'm not saying I'm proud of what I did, Dr. Brennan. But just because I took the brine doesn't mean I had anything to do with this. BRENNAN: Why don't you tell us about your relationships with BioTech? OGDEN: The same I have with every company I deal with...a virtual one. BOOTH: Emails, online financial transactions. OGDEN: My assistant sends out a country-wide search for the organ or bone that we're looking for. They respond back and we bid. If we can reach an agreement, the part is immediately transported for surgery. BRENNAN: And in Amy Cullen's case? OGDEN: Same protocol. I bid, I bought, I received. No conversations were had. We're not required to check out suppliers each and every time we take an order. BOOTH: You know what Ogden? I'm gonna contact every bank you've done business with. If I find one deposit that's suspicious, you know what? You're mine. OGDEN: I swear to you I'm not involved in this. I haven't hurt anybody. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to outside the hospital. Angela and Amy are sitting in a bench, looking at artwork.) AMY: Your work is awesome. ANGELA: Thanks. AMY: There's so much going on, you know? So much to feel. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do something like this. ANGELA: You will, just give it time. AMY: Well, I may not have a lot of that. Your paintings and your sculpture...they're alive, you know? It's like you're showing me how you felt when you painted them, what you've experienced (flipping through Angela's work). I can't paint what I don't know. ANGELA: Amy, you've been through more than most people. AMY: You mean dying? (shakes head) It's not enough. ANGELA: I really think it's best for you to stay positive. AMY: Keep doing things, you mean? ANGELA: With your art? Yeah. Absolutely. AMY: What about guys? ANGELA: Ah. Well, that totally goes without saying. What's his name? (smiles) AMY: Aaron. His family just moved here from Maine. ANGELA: Is he cute? AMY: He's so cute. ANGELA: Did you ask him out? AMY: No. He asked me, but I don't know. I said no. ANGELA: Why? (silence) Look, you haven't asked my advice so I'm just gonna give it to you, ok? (Amy nods) Just have fun. You know, every once in awhile, you...you might meet somebody who's worth it. AMY: What if he's not? ANGELA: Then you've got something else to paint about. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Lab, Booth is walking up the platform to the rest of the team who are working) BOOTH: Bureau's canvassed every hospital in the area. Four have been using BioTech bone grafts. BRENNAN: (hanging up phone she was on) And three recipients from those hospitals have lunch cancer. HODGINS: (on the phone) Here's another one. And this one died of lung cancer three months ago. I'm checking on a burial site. ANGELA: That makes 13, including Amy and the DeMarco woman. ZACK: Probably all from the same donor. BRENNAN: We're still waiting on Bethesda Naval Hospital. BOOTH: (pointing to screen) Can you ID these people? ZACK: Got names and addresses on all of them. (faces appear on the computer screen with their location) BRENNAN: I've already contacted Washington General to set up a biopsy testing facility. BOOTH: (exhales, looking at the screen) Man. How did one dead guy do so much damage? BRENNAN: That's a good idea. BOOTH: What idea? BRENNAN: Identify the donor and we might be able to find out how BioTech got his bones. HODGINS: (hanging up) Got it. Second decedent's name is Ronald Lupo. I found him at a cemetery in Lynchburg. BOOTH: Virginia? HOGDINS: Yeah. Why? BOOTH: Cause it means that this fraud just crossed state lines and became a legitimate case for the FBI. Looks like I don't have to use my sick days anymore, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Cullen's office, where Booth is talking to him.) CULLEN: How many? BOOTH: Sick or dead? CULLEN: Dead. BOOTH: Two...that we know of. But that makes it a multiple homicide case and since it's not isolated to the district and the recipients are in multiple states... CULLEN: (cutting in) This falls under FBI jurisdiction. BOOTH: Yes, sir. CULLEN: I should kick your ass. BOOTH: Yeah. CULLEN: (shaking head) What'd you do? Take sick time to work on this? BOOTH: Yeah. Migraine. (smiles) CULLEN: Thanks, Booth. Catch the son of a bitch that did this to my daughter. BOOTH: That's absolutely my intention sir. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to a hospital room where Brennan, Booth, Dr. Ogden and Alexandra are watching various patients getting examined.) BOOTH: (to Brennan) Results? BRENNAN: So far there are three other early signs of cancer cells. Aggressive chemo and radiation treatments should be able to slow it down. BOOTH: (to Ogden) Admiring your handiwork, Doctor? (he turns to leave) ALEXANDRA: I'm sorry (turns to follow him out). (Booth and Brennan leave the room, and see Amy standing outside watching.) BOOTH: Amy... BRENNAN: (cutting in) Let me. BOOTH: Easy. BRENNAN: Hey, you all right? AMY: Did all these people get bones from the same donor I did? (cut to people waiting to be examined.) BRENNAN: Uh huh. AMY: Do they all have cancer? BRENNAN: No, not all of them. But the sooner the ones who are infected know, the better. AMY: (upset) Who would do a thing like that? If they knew they were sick, why make other people sick too? BRENNAN: I don't know. It's terrible, but that's what we're trying to figure out. AMY: So, if you take the bad grafts out will they be ok? BRENNAN: Some of them. AMY: But not me. BRENNAN: (emotional) No. AMY: I want this out of me. BRENNAN: Sweetheart, you're not strong enough. AMY: (pleading) Get them to take it out. BRENNAN: Amy, you have to understand, all of these people... AMY: (cutting in) I don't care. BRENNAN: You're saving their lives. (Amy turns and walks away, leaving Brennan who is obviously upset.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to lab, where Brennan and Zack are examining the xrays of the various grafts.) ZACK: We've traced all these grafts back to the donor and still know almost nothing. BRENNAN: Not exactly nothing. Zack, look at the slope of the sciatic notch in the pelvis. ZACK: (nodding) And the non-elevated auricular surface. BRENNAN: He was definitely male. ZACK: The osteon count in the femoral joint confirms the donor was over sixty. BRENNAN: It's a solid start, but we need a lot more. ZACK: Osteophytosis with narrowing of intervertebral spaces indicates consistent heavy lifting. Construction worker? BRENNAN: It's hard to say exactly. Definitely a burly type. If we keep guessing about what he was like on the inside then Angela can hypothesize about his appearance, size, weight. ZACK: I'm on it. (Cut to Angela's office where she's working on her computer while Hodgins, Brennan and Booth look on.) ANGELA: I scanned in the X-rays of all of the graft recipients as well as the pieces from the exhumed bodies. BOOTH: Ok, now what? Connect the dots? BRENNAN: More like connect the body parts. ANGELA: Think of it as sculpting from the inside out. The more that I know about our donor, the better I can guess what he might have looked like. BRENNAN: The fragments originated from nine sites on the donor's body. If we connect the grafts...(computer screen shows this). Now input all the anatomical factors and core anomalies. ANGELA: (inputs the data) Guys, meet Donor X...the man who caused all this pain (image of an old man on the screen). BRENNAN: So that's our serial killer. BOOTH: God, he probably had no idea how much damage he was gonna cause. We have enough to track him down? BRENNAN: Hodgins? HODGINS: Maybe with LIBS. BOOTH: Who's LIBS? HODGINS: Laser Induced Breakdown Spectroscopy. It'll give us an elemental analysis of the old bstrd. BRENNAN: Angela told us what he looked like, now Hodgins can tell us where he lived. BOOTH: Well, we'll find him. BRENNAN: We have to. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to another room in the lab, Hodgins is adjusting a machine while Booth, Brennan and Zack watch.) HODGINS: Strontium isotope levels suggest Donor X lived the last twenty years on the east coast. ZACK: Extremely low levels of fluoride in the cancellous bone. BRENNAN: Unusual since most tap water is fluoridated except for parts of the Appalachian Mountains. HODGINS: A few of the Hatfields and McCoys still have no teeth. BRENNAN: So we're looking for someone from Tennessee, West Virginia or North Carolina. BOOTH: Oh, great. That narrows it down. HODGINS: (looking at data) High level of C8. That's a key ingredient of Teflon. ZACK: There's a Teflon plant in Parkersburg, West Virginia. BRENNAN: And minuscule traces of nuclear sub-particles. ZACK: Wasn't there a problem about 15 years ago at Brant's Cliff Power Facility? HODGINS: Yeah, just a little one. Employees there were growing a second head. Can you say cover up? BOOTH: Ok, where's Brant's Cliff? BRENNAN: West Virginia also. BOOTH: Ok, fine. SO then we're trying to ID a guy who's 65 years of age, roughly 200 pounds lives in West Virginia, die of lung cancer within the last year, hmmm? (Brennan and Zack smile and nod.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to car, Booth and Brennan are inside.) BOOTH: Hey, look. There are three potential West Virginia donors we could be talking about. (looking at paper pad while driving) There's Lester Blake out of Tague. There's Blair Simmons...(horn honking) Hey lady, watch where you're driving!! (Honks) BRENNAN: (takes the paper away from him) I'd rather not be a donor myself. (looks down at paper and continues reading) Blair Simmons out of Dailey and William Hastings out of Beard's Fork. All three men died of mesothelioma last August. BOOTH: Ok, we'll be in Beard's Fork within about an hour, ok? (Cell phone rings) You're sure Zack and Hodgins are on the other two, right? BRENNAN: (into the phone) This is Brennan. ZACK: (Cuts to him at a cemetery) Dr. Brennan, I'm at Lester Blake's exhumation. I've examined the remains. BOOTH: (Back in the car, his cell phone rings) This is Booth. HODGINS: (Cuts to him underground somewhere) Blair Simmons isn't dead. BOOTH: What? HODGINS: He's frozen in a cryogenics lab. BOOTH: What do you mean frozen? HODGINS: Like a supermarket turkey. Not a scratch on him. And I think he's wedged between Walt Disney and Ted Williams. ZACK: (over the phone to Brennan) There's no sign of body tampering, and it's clear his casket hasn't been open since his burial. BRENNAN: (into her phone) So if Blake isn't our donor... BOOTH: (into his phone) So if Simmons isn't our donor... [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Booth and Brennan talking to Mrs. Hastings outside of her home/trailer.) BOOTH: Mrs. Hastings, what did your husband do for a living? HASTINGS: Ah, this and that. Bill worked in construction for a time did the night shift down at Brant's Cliff...opened a roofing business a few years back. BRENNAN: Roofing? HASTINGS: Shingling and fireproofing and such. BRENNAN: So he handled asbestos? HASTINGS: Doctors say that's what finally got him. Why are y'all so curious? BOOTH: Uh, Mrs. Hastings, I mean, your husband did time for petty theft and fraud. I mean, you lost your home, your cars. He left you with nothing. HASTINGS: Ah, Bill Hastings was an old fool who deserved what came to him. BRENNAN: You needed money. Did anyone approach you about selling his parts after he died? HASTINGS: Pardon? I'm afraid I don't follow. BOOTH: Well, his family has a cemetery plot in Kincaid yet you cremated him. Are you hiding something? HASTINGS: (scoffs) I did that because the guy at the funeral home said it was cheaper. We couldn't afford a proper burial. BOOTH: What funeral home? HASTINGS: Um, it was called Martin, I think. BRENNAN: Where are the ashes? HASTINGS: Out back in the yard. BRENNAN: Do you mind if we take a sample? HASTINGS: I sure as hell do. I don't like what y'all are accusing me of doing. BOOTH: Well, we'll just come back with a warrant, that's all. HASTINGS: You better bring some dogs. And bring those trigger-happy agents of yours too, cause this conversation is over. BOOTH: Come on Bones, lets go. Have a nice day. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the hospital, Booth and Brennan and talking to Cullen in the waiting area.) BOOTH: Look, she insists that her husband wasn't the donor but the evidence is overwhelming. BRENNAN: If I could get my hands on a soil sample I know there are bone fragments still intact that we can possibly identify him with. CULLEN: Was there an insurance policy in place? BOOTH: None. More reasons to sell the illegal grafts. But the funereal home had to have been in cahoots with her. CULLEN: (Mrs. Cullen approaches with coffee) So all we have to do is connect the widow to the funeral home. BRENNAN: Then the home to BioTech. (A group of doctors approach them.) DOCTOR: We need to speak to you and Amy's mother privately. BOOTH: We'll go. Come on, Bones. (they leave) (Cut to inside Amy's room. She is drawing a portrait of her parents as she looks at them through the window as they get news from the doctors. Angela is sitting next to her.) AMY: She's telling them the treatment didn't work and they're nothing else they can do. (Shot of her parents upset.) I hate seeing them so sad. (grabs hold of Angela's hand) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to inside the funeral home where Booth and Brennan enter, at what appears to be the middle of a ceremony.) BOOTH: (whispers) Bones...Bones...Bones, I know that you find dead people intriguing but just try to put on your sad face. (He clears his throat to get the attention of Nick Martin, the funeral director in the front. He comes over when he sees Booth's badge.) MARTIN: I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of a service. BOOTH: Well, this will only take a minute. Uh, Mr. Jessup...he...he ain't going no where. MARTIN: What's this about, exactly? BRENNAN: William Hastings. MARTIN: Uh, is he someone you've lost? BOOTH: More like somebody we found. BRENNAN: He passed away a year ago, you cremated him. But somehow his bones were illegally harvested prior to the procedure. MARTIN: Well, not here. BOOTH: What do you mean? MARTIN: Well, this is my mortuary. I've been in business almost a decade and I have no recollection whatsoever of a Mr. Hastings. BRENNAN: His wife mentioned this place specifically. MARTIN: It's unfortunate, but the bereaved are often confused. BRENNAN: In this case, I don't think so. BOOTH: We don't think so. MARTIN: If you'll excuse me, I have mourners waiting. BOOTH: Well, maybe you can just double check your records and get back to me. (hands him his card) MARTIN: I would, but my records are impeccable. There's nothing to double check. BOOTH: Well...(Martin turns away) That was quick. BRENNAN: I need to get those ashes from her yard. BOOTH: You got 'em, all right. I'll get the warrant. BRENNAN: And don't roget the dogs and the gun-toting agents she asked for. BOOTH: Oh, believe me. Trust me. I won't forget that. (they leave) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the lab, Hodgins, Brennan and Booth are talking.) BRENNAN: So I looked it up on the internet...you can get $10,000 for grafts on the black market these days. BOOTH: (chuckles) Ten grand. Geez, my bones are worth more than that. BRENNAN: What makes you so special? BOOTH: Three glasses of milk a day, I work out and I eat right. HODGINS: X-ray micro-fluorescence shows a high concentration of calcium carbonate. BRENNAN: (sarcastically) Oh, that's a revelation. Seriously Hodgins is there anything that we can link to William Hastings' medical records? HODGINS: Everything tracks. I mean, the cremains are consistent to those of William Hastings. The question I keep asking is, if the widow is guilty, why keep the remains so close to home? BRENNAN: Well, what if she didn't know about it? BOOTH: Oh, come on Bones. She hated the guy. My guess is she got 10 G's stuffed in her mattress back in Trailerville. BRENNAN: No, I mean it. There are no unusual bank records, no deposits. What if they took the grafts, gave her back the ashes, and she was none the wiser. HODGINS: Man, is she gonna be pissed. BOOTH: Alright, if it's not the widow Hastings, I'm doubling down on the mortician. Everybody in? (to Hodgins) You in? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut back to funeral home, Booth and Brennan enter as Martin is...doing what morticians do to bodies?) BOOTH: Thank you. Aw, geeez. MARTIN: Excuse me. This body is being prepped. What do you want? BRENNAN: What we want is to know where you harvested Mr. Hastings' body. MARTIN: I told you, I don't know who Hastings is. BOOTH: Well, we think you're lying. BRENNAN: We think you're selling bone and tissue grafts illegally. MARTIN: And I think your accusations are outlandish and you should call my lawyer. BOOTH: Yeah? Well, we have a warrant here to, uh, look around a little (holds out warrant). (Cut to a room where coffins are displayed.) BOOTH: What's this place? BRENNAN: Casket showroom. They're having a sale. BOOTH: Well, it looks like a sick department store. Alright, nobody would be cutting anybody up in this place. Let's go. (turns to lead Brennan out of the room.) BRENNAN: Whoa. Wait, over there. (points) BOOTH: What? It's a water line. What's the big deal? BRENNAN: But the floor slopes towards the centre of the room. This wasn't always used for a showroom. I wonder what's under the carpet. Huh (takes out pocket knife). If body work was done in here, they'd need a drain. (cuts a piece of the carpet to reveal a drain.) BOOTH: You're kidding me. It's a drain? MARTIN: (enters the room) This is our sales office. There is nothing in here you need to see. The only thing in this room is caskets. BRENNAN: I'm not so sure about that (looking at air vent on the wall). MARTIN: No, what...you are making a mistake. BRENNAN: Am I? (closes a casket and climbs up on it to look at the vent) MARTIN: She's ruining my merchandise. BOOTH: (chuckling) Come on, how much is that one? MARTIN: $7,000 BOOTH: Bones, watch the scuff marks. BRENNAN: (from on top of the casket) Mr. Martin, this room is designed to be washed clean. You've got drains in the floor. I think this is where you did the bone harvesting. When you thought we were coming back, you moved everything around. MARTIN: That's absurd. I did no such thing. BRENNAN: (grabbing mask and swab from her bag) You're an excellent house cleaner but in the carpeting and tidying up, you forgot about one thing. (Reaches up and opens the air vent, swabbing the inside) Bone dust. You forgot about airborne particles. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the platform at the Lab. Zack is working in front of a machine while Booth, Brennan and Hodgins wait.) BOOTH: Today Zack, I need something today. BRENNAN: (steps in) Hey, don't harass my assistant. HODGINS: That's right, that's our job. ZACK: I sifted dust particles through a series of filters then separated the larger pieces and magnified them to compare the osteons (image on screen). BRENNAN: The particles in the vent definitely came from cutting human skeletal remains. BOOTH: William Hastings' remains? ZACK: I am comparing particles to the biopsy we excised from Kelly DeMarco (holds out slide). BOOTH: Compare. (Both images come up on the screen) So, is it him? BRENNAN: It's him. (smiling) But here's the kickster... BOOTH: Kicker Bones. Here's the kicker. BRENNAN: (upset) Oh. ZACK: There's bone dust from at least seven other bodies in that vent filter as well. BOOTH: Seven? BRENNAN: Cutting through periosteum for grafting purposes takes medical training. ZACK: Except for the tainted samples, these bone grafts are expertly harvested. BOOTH: Ok, so we're looking for someone who has medical training. BRENNAN: Martin is a mortician, not a doctor. Let's say he's running a chop shop. Lets say he was selling illegal parts to tissue labs. Who was actually doing the cutting? BOOTH: And who was selling to hospital as BioTech? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to FBI Building. Booth is interrogating Martin. Cullen and Brennan are watching through the glass.) BOOTH: How much money have you made over the years doing this, Nick? Huh? Tens? Oh, hundreds of thousands of dollars. MARTIN: I don't know what you're talking about. BOOTH: William Hastings had an aggressive form of cancer that was very rare. You made some pocket change off his grafts, you didn't even tell his wife. Now a bunch of people are sick. Two died. You're looking at multiple counts of murder. MARTIN: I didn't kill anybody. BOOTH: No, no, you didn't kill anybody. I mean, they were already dead. You were just recycling. MARTIN: I didn't do anything wrong. BOOTH: Do you have any doctor training? MARTIN: No. BOOTH: Spend any time in the service as a medic or a nurse? MARTIN: No. BOOTH: No? Then who did the cutting? Who did the cutting of the grafts, huh? Somebody knew what they were doing. Your phone records show that during the months around Hastings' death you received dozen of calls from disposable cells. Four different ones, huh? (slams file down on table) What do you make of that? (Cullen is watching through the glass, getting more agitated) MARTIN: (looks at the file) I don't recall this. BOOTH: You know what? The dust that we got off the vent in your showroom matched Hastings and seven other bodies. Who do you work with? MARTIN: I don't know what you're talking about. BOOTH: I think you do. I think you and your partners knew that the bones were cancerous, and you didn't... CULLEN: (slams open the door and walks in, interrupting Booth) Who was it, huh? Who the hell did this to my daughter? (Grabs Martin and pushes him up against the wall) Huh?? BOOTH: (getting in between the two) Sir, sir, sir. I got him. I got him, sir. Please. (holding Cullen back) Bones, how long is it gonna take you to...(turns to talk to her, but she is gone.) Bones, come on! (looks around for her) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the hospital, in an office, Brennan walks in on Alexandra, who just finished recharging a bunch of cell phones.) ALEXANDRA: Oh, Dr. Brennan, you startled me. BRENNAN: Mind if I come in? ALEXANDRA: Not at all. I was just trying to keep things organized. What we do here is so important, we can't risk making any mistakes. BRENNAN: Ms. Combs, tell me, what...what do you use these phones for? (looking at the cell phones) ALEXANDRA: Recipients primarily. We never know when a donor organ is going to come in so it's imperative that they can be reached at all times. BRENNAN: Ever use one yourself? ALEXANDRA: (smiles) What can I do for you, Doctor? BRENNAN: Have you always wanted to work in a hospital? I mean, it's incredibly rewarding, I know. But have you ever wanted to study medicine? ALEXANDRA: I did at one time, yes. BRENNAN: How do you fell, Ms. Combs? Have you been coughing at all? Do you feel a tightness in your chest? ALEXANDRA: I feel fine actually. BRENNAN: How often does Dr. Ogden write prescriptions? ALEXANDRA: Rarely. As coordinator he doesn't practice. BRENNAN: Yet, the pharmacy downstairs told the FBI that he wrote you a script for an expectorant for a cough. ALEXANDRA: Well, there must be some mistake. He'd never... BRENNAN: You wrote that prescription yourself, didn't you? (Alexandra chuckles and shakes her head) I know what you've been doing with Martin...to Hastings and the others. See, if you'd finished medical school, you'd know. Bone dust is very dangerous if inhaled. When you were taking those grafts, I doubt you were wearing a mask. You're sick Ms. Combs...and I, I don't just mean in a mentally disturbed way. ALEXANDRA: (getting agitated) This is ridiculous. You can't prove anything. BRENNAN: We're in a hospital. Why don't we go get a chest x-ray and find out? (Booth and Ogden enter the office) BOOTH: I'd like to read you your rights. OGDEN: Alexandra, what's going on? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the lab, in the sitting area above...Angela, Brennan and Hodgins are talking.) HODGINS: So the transplant assistant fancied herself a doctor? BRENNAN: Not a doctor exactly but qualified enough to extricate bone grafts from a cadaver. HODGINS: And what about BioTech Tissue Labs? BRENNAN: Once it was a legitimate company...Combs kept it alive on the web and funneled the money into her own well-disguised bank account. ANGELA: So where does that leave Amy? BRENNAN: Same as where she started, just with answers...that's all. ANGELA: (shakes head) Well, that is perfect (gets up and leaves). BRENNAN: Angela... HODGINS: That's ok, I got it. (Cut to Angela's office, Hodgins enters.) HODGINS: Hey. ANGELA: Hey. HODGINS: You all right? ANGELA: Yeah...(Hodgins turns to leave) No, No I'm not. Look, we can solve hundred-year-old crimes...we can, we can track down serial killers and identify people when nothing is left of them but sludge. So, why can't we help a 15-year-old girl? All she wants to do is fall in love and visit the Louvre. HODGINS: You can do that. ANGELA: What do you mean? HODGINS: You made a whole guy out of bone chips and lights. You can create the Louvre. ANGELA: Well, what about love? What do you have to say about love? HODGINS: It's overrated...most of the time. (smiles) (Angela leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the hospital, Angela has her computer set up in Amy's room as Brennan, Booth and her parents look on.) ANGELA: Ok. Now tell me what you see. (Puts goggles on Amy). AMY: (Cut to what she is seeing, which is a 3D representation of the Louvre.) Oh, wow. No way. (Cut back to the room, where you see Amy with the goggles and everyone watching her) Angela, this is unbelievable. (laughs) ANGELA: Welcome to the Louvre. AMY: I'm really there. BOOTH: That's amazing. CULLEN: Is this your doing, Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: No, sir. It's all Ms. Montenegro. MRS. CULLEN: Thank you Angela. ANGELA: You're welcome. So, what do you think? AMY: I think it's like heaven. I don't know what to say. ANGELA: Don't say anything, you don't have to. (Cut to Amy walking around the Louvre.) End.	Plan: A: FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen; Q: Who is Booth's boss? A: doctors; Q: Who is Sam Cullen waiting for information from? A: Amy; Q: Who is Sam Cullen's daughter? A: a rare form; Q: What type of lung cancer is Amy dying of? A: Brennan; Q: Who questions the rarity of Amy's cancer? A: a girl; Q: What is Amy's gender? A: a bone graft; Q: What did Amy receive as a result of an accident? A: a previous accident; Q: What is the reason Amy had a bone graft? A: Booth's help; Q: Who does Brennan enlist to dig deeper into the origin of Amy's bone graft? A: the origin; Q: What does Brennan want to know about the bone graft Amy received? A: the rare terminal cancer; Q: What is Amy not the only person with? A: a crime; Q: What may Amy have been the victim of? Summary: Booth's boss, FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen, is anxiously awaiting information from doctors as to why his daughter Amy is dying of a rare form of lung cancer. When Brennan learns of Amy's condition, she questions the rarity of the cancer in a girl of Amy's age and background and discovers Amy had a bone graft as a result of a previous accident. Brennan enlists Booth's help to dig deeper into the origin of the bone graft she received, and they are shocked to learn Amy is not the only person with the rare terminal cancer and that she may be the victim of a crime.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY SCENES (STOCK) -- NIGHT] (Sirens wail in the distance.) [DR. ROBBINS] (Dr. Robbins is wearing a biohazard suit and breathing heavily through a respirator. He's sealed up tightly.) [INT. HOTEL - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (He makes his way through the hallway and slowly approaches the hotel room.) Det. Vartann: (to phone) (o.s.) I've already been exposed. It's too late. Get a list of all the countries she's visited in the past thirty days. (Dr. Robbins turns into the hotel room. Det. Vartann is standing in the doorway and is on the phone.) Det. Vartann: (to phone) Yeah, her passport. (Dr. Robbins walks in through the hotel room and finds the distraught housekeeper talking with an Officer.) Det. Vartann: (to phone) Try the State Department. Housekeeper: (crying) My husband, please. Yeah. I have to tell my husband! Oh, please. Call my husband! (Dr. Robbins walks into the bedroom where he meets up with David Phillips. He appears very nervous. He stands next to the bed holding his usual clipboard.) (Dr. Robbins leans forward and examines the red, spotted lesions on the dead woman's arms.) FLASH TO: [INT. HOTEL LOBBY -- NIGHT] (Catherine shows her ID to the officer at the outer hotel door. He opens the lobby door for her and she walks in, again flashing her ID to the next officer standing on the inside.) (The building lobby is very crowded. It's as if everyone was evacuated out of their room and down to the lobby.) Officer: (o.s.) No, absolutely not, sir. You need to step aside. (Catherine walks up to the officer standing guard over the crime scene tape.) Officer: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you can't go up. (She shows him her ID.) Catherine: Catherine Willows, Crime Lab. Officer: I know who you are, but hotel rooms are under quarantine. No one goes up, no one goes down. Catherine: Quarantine? [INT. HOTEL - ROOM - NIGHT] (Dr. Robbins examines the body. He holds out his hand.) Robbins: Come on. Nasal Spec. (David Phillips digs into his bag for the instrument. He finds it and hands it to Dr. Robbins.) (Dr. Robbins examines the woman's nose and finds it clean and clear. David looks at Dr. Robbins anxiously. Dr. Robbins checks the dead woman's eyes. They too are clear.) Robbins: It's okay, David. (David helps Dr. Robbins take off his biohazard mask. Dr. Robbins removes his respirator.) Robbins: (louder) False alarm. We're clear. FLASH TO: [INT. HOTEL - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Catherine makes her way to the hotel room. As she gets closer, the distraught, crying housekeeper is escorted out of the room by an officer.) (Catherine walks into the room.) [INT. HOTEL - ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (She looks around. She turns the corner toward the bedroom and sees Det. Vartann.) Det. Vartann: Hey. Catherine: Hi. Det. Vartann: (motions) Go on in. (On the bed, she sees the dead woman's body. Robbins and David are both near the bed. Det. Vartann steps into the room behind Catherine.) Catherine: Someone want to fill me in here? Robbins: David assessed a potentially infectious agent, and per protocol, he remained at the site and called it in. David Phillips: Her-her red blotches are consistent with CDC photos of ebola. Robbins: You did the right thing. Catherine: (nods) So what are we looking at? Det. Vartann: Um, 419, suspicious circs. Uh, honestly, I have no idea. [BEDSIDE MIRROR] (Through the mirror's reflection, we see Catherine turn and look around.) Catherine: Okay, it's my turn now. Clear the scene. SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Robbins uses his glasses and looks at the burns on the Julie Stern's arm.) (Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Sorry I'm late. I was processing the scene. Nothing probative. Robbins: There are forty-two distinct laser burns on Julie Stern's body. Catherine: Lasers? Robbins: Lasers cauterize the skin as they destroy tissue. Lack of blood and scabbing confirms their use, so best guess would be she recently underwent a cosmetic procedure. (Quick flashback to: Julie Stern sits under the light and gets laser treatments.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: That's consistent with the hotel manager's statement. Said the vic had booked into the Safari Suite. Robbins: Please tell me that has nothing to do with hunting wild game. Catherine: Women who ... don't want their friends to know that they're freshening up will check into the suite while they heal. Robbins: Well, five-star hotel's got to be cheaper than a hospital stay. Catherine: So, could complications from this procedure have resulted in her death? Robbins: No. Histamine levels are normal. There's no post-op infection. But look at her fingernails. (He picks up her hand and shows the lines on the nails. Catherine: Mees lines; indicative of heavy metal poisoning. Robbins: I sent blood and hair samples to tox. Catherine: Anything else? Robbins: I'm not sure if it's probative, but I found ten cc's of urine in her stomach. Digestive system's intact. There are no bruises or abrasions in her mouth, so there's only one way it could have gotten there. Catherine: Chugalug. Robbins: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- DAY] (Officers and other personnel gather outside the tented house. Grissom parks the SUV out on the street front. He, Greg and Sara exit the car.) (They meet up with Brass who fills them in.) Brass: (consulting his notebook) Okay. So two days ago the residence was tented for termites. This morning, the bug guys came to clear the house. They found the homeowner exterminated. (They make their way under the crime scene tape toward the front house entrance.) Brass: He's ID'd as Elliot Beckman, 42, lived alone. Body's in the family room. Grissom: Who's been inside? Brass: Just the exterminators and the paramedics who pronounced. They entered and exited through the front door. Good luck. (Brass turns and leaves as Grissom, Greg and Sara walk into the tented house.) [INT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Grissom opens the front door. He turns on his flashlight and sees the dead insects on the floor.) Grissom: Exterminators use sulfuryl flouride. It kills the bugs and then evaporates. Agro scientists call it the "safety" fumigant. Sara: You know, I'm sure he would disagree. (They approach the dead body, face down on the floor.) (Sara and Grissom are nearest the body. Greg steps on a dead insect. The crunching sound is loud in the house. He kneels in front of something.) Greg: Eyeglasses on the floor. (Near the eyeglasses he finds a pool of throw-up.) Greg: Got vomit? (Quick flash to: [INT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE] The house fills with gas. Elliot Beckman is on his hands and knees crawling, gasping and coughing. He throws-up on the floor.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Greg stands up and continues to look around the house. Sara opens her kit.) [INT. NEXT ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Greg looks around in the other room and finds a blue feather on the desk and a cluster of blue feathers on the floor. He heads back into the living room.) [INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Greg: What flies when they're on and floats when they're off? Grissom: Feathers. Greg: Long and blue. I'll bag 'em. (Sara takes photos of the body.) Sara: His cheek is bruised. Grissom: What was he doing in here? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - DAY] (Brass interviews Ted Martin and Nate Allen.) Ted Martin: Per the R&R's, we conducted a thorough walk-through before releasing the gas. No plants, people or animals were left behind. Brass: All right, so you released the gas, then what? Ted Martin: I took off. Nate Allen: Can't stick around baby-sitting houses, you know? Brass: Once you left the house, could Beckman have snuck back in in any way? Ted Martin: Yeah, if he had a death wish. The house is toxic for the first twelve hours. Nate Allen: Mm-hmm. Not to mention it gets wrapped up tighter than a Christmas present. Brass: You know tented houses -- they're prime targets for burglars. Ted Martin: But, we, uh, secure these on the outside of every doorknob. Clamshell locks. Nobody gets inside. Brass: Yeah, says you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Nick and Catherine interviews Dr. Tony Malaga, the plastic surgeon. He returns the morgue photo back to them.) Dr. Tony Malaga: Yes, Ms. Stern was in my care. Catherine: And when was the last time you saw her, Dr. Malaga? (He reviews his file.) Dr. Tony Malaga: Uh, I ablated her liver spots three days ago. Checked on her yesterday at the Mediterranean. I applied post-op ointment to prevent scabbing and infection. (Quick flashback to: [HOTEL ROOM] Dr. Malaga uses a swab and treats Julie Stern.) Dr. Tony Malaga: (V.O.) She seemed, uh ... in good spirits. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (He smiles at Catherine.) Nick: From the marks, it looks like you lasered over forty spots. In one session? Dr. Tony Malaga: (to Catherine) Well, post op, the patient's skin is very red and raw. It's really quite ugly, to be blunt. Most patients prefer to minimize the amount of time they spend in recovery. Catherine: So you supersized the procedure. You did it all in one sitting? Dr. Tony Malaga: It's perfectly safe. Nick: We'll need a copy of her medical records. (Nick stares at Dr. Malaga. He turns to glance at Nick, but answers the question to Catherine.) Dr. Tony Malaga: Oh, I'm sorry, but her file contains medical history of the family. I would be breaching doctor-patient confidentiality if I let you have that. (Again, he smiles at Catherine. Catherine carefully brushes the hair away from her face and tentatively smiles back.) Nick: Hey, uh, do you have a problem with me, doctor? Dr. Tony Malaga: Excuse me? Nick: Well, there are two of us here and you're only addressing my colleague, so... Dr. Tony Malaga: Well, she's a very beautiful woman. You have Venus de Milo aesthetics. Catherine: We'll be getting a court order for Ms. Stern's records. Dr. Tony Malaga: I'd appreciate that. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Sara examines the outside of the tented house. She snaps photos of the tent and of the clips holding the tent sides together.) (She steps around the house and we see Greg also photographing the side of the house.) Greg: Sara. (Sara takes a photo and walks over to Greg.) Greg: Looks like someone tampered with the tent. (He pushes the tent aside to reveal a partially opened window.) Greg: Window's open. Sara: Well, exterminators leave some windows open to help circulate the gas. This could have been the victim's way in. (Quick flashback to: Beckman pushes the window open. End of flash. Resume to present.) Sara: Once inside, he was overcome by the fumes. (Quick flashback to: The gas pump starts. Camera quick zooms following the hose from the pump truck, across the front lawn and to the inside of the house.) (Beckman is inside the house as it begins to fill with gas. He coughs and crawls toward the door. He collapses.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Greg: He must be an idiot to go inside a tented house. Sara: Maybe he forgot something. Figured the gas had dissipated. Greg: Well, assuming you're right, and he went in and never left, shouldn't the window be open wider? (Sara looks at the window and tries to open it. It doesn't catch and slides back down.) Sara: It's old. The rope has snapped. Greg: Okay. Now, Mr. Beckman never came out of the house. Why is there a trail of sand leading away from it and straight to the neighbor's house? (Greg holds up the crime scene tape for Sara and they both head for the neighbor's house.) Sara: That's a good question. (Sara and Greg walk over and knock on the neighbor's back door.) [INT. KENDELL RESIDENCE - BACK DOOR - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The neighbor is coughing as he answers the back door.) Rory Kendell: Can I help you? Sara: Yeah, we're with the crime lab. We're investigating the death of your neighbor next door. Rory Kendell: Elliot? What happened? Sara: That's what we're trying to figure out. (He coughs.) Greg: Have you been in his house recently? Rory Kendell: Look, man, I've been laid up for the past two days puking my guts out. I haven't left my place. Sara: Do you live alone, Mr ... ? Rory Kendell: Rory Kendell. My wife bailed a few months ago. Greg: Rory, have you felt dizzy or disoriented? Rory Kendell: How would you know? Sara: We're going to need a urine sample. Rory Kendell: Why? Greg: You may be suffering from sulfuryl fluoride gas poisoning. Urination's the only way for the poison to get out. Rory Kendell: I got the flu. Sara: If that's true, then your urine will be sulfuryl-flouride free. Greg: But if you're lying, "you're in" big trouble. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Nick is in the lab when Catherine walks in.) Nick: What do Ozzy Osbourne, Iron Maiden and our victim all have in common? (He hands her the file. Catherine looks through it.) Catherine: Heavy metal. Nick: Arsenic in her system, poisoning was chronic. Catherine: Looks like it began approximately three months ago. Nick: Techs collected the ingestibles found at her home. None were contaminated. Catherine: Can tox confirm that arsenic poisoning was the cause of death? Nick: Not yet. Until the quants come back, we won't know if the concentration was lethal. Catherine: In poisoning cases, the killer's usually a relative. Nick: Right. Someone with access to the victim. Catherine: (reading through file) Next-of-kin is an only child, a son. Who has a vineyard in Pahrump. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine and Nick interview Kevin Stern, Julie Stern's son.) Kevin Stern: You sent a cop all the way to Pahrump to bring me in. What couldn't we discuss on the phone? Nick: When's the last time you saw your mother? Kevin Stern: It was about three months ago. She came to my vineyard for a visit. Nick: How'd that go? Kevin Stern: She left early. Said she felt sick. Catherine: But you didn't think so. Kevin Stern: Mom was uncomfortable around my four-year-old. Nick: Why's that? Kevin Stern: He made her feel old. (Nick looks away and nods.) Catherine: "Grandma" was a dirty word. Kevin Stern: She could hardly look at him. It's nice, huh? Nick: Mr. Stern, I also did a background check and you recently maxed out three credit cards. Kevin Stern: My vines contracted black rot last spring. It's an expensive problem. Why are you checking my credit? Nick: You're weren't worried about paying off your debt, were you? Kevin Stern: What the hell are you implying? Catherine: You're about to come into some money. Kevin Stern: When my dad died, he left my mother boatloads of cash. On her last visit, I asked her for a loan. Catherine: Let me guess -- she turned you down. Kevin Stern: She'd spend thousands on designer clothes, jewelry, plastic surgery ... but wouldn't lend me a dime. Nick: Do you use pesticides on your grapevines? Kevin Stern: Yeah. Organic's a fad. Nick: We're going to need a sample of that. Kevin Stern: Whatever. (He stands up ready to leave.) We done? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins goes over the autopsy findings with Sara.) Robbins: This one's easy -- he drowned. Sara: What? (Camera zooms down toward the victim's mouth.) (Quick CGI POV to: Inside the victim's mouth, the camera follows the path of the gas down through the victim's trachea and into the lungs.) Robbins: (V.O.) The termite fumigant entered his bronchioles causing his lungs to fill with fluid. (The lungs fill with fluid.) (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Robbins: COD is pulmonary edema and respiratory arrest. Sara: Just like a drowning victim. Doc, tell me about the bruise on his cheek. (Camera zooms in for a close-up of the bruise on the victim's cheek.) ROBBINS; Zygoma's fractured. (He points.) Check the x-ray. Given the force needed to cause this type of damage, the injury's more consistent with inflicted blunt force trauma than a simple fall, if that's what you're asking. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Catherine goes over the lab results with the technician Travis Watson.) Catherine: (reading) Arsenic is the active ingredient in the vineyard pesticide, but you're ruling it out as the source of the poisoning? Travis Watson: The pesticide is a copper-arsenate mix. It's chemically different than the arsenic ingested by Ms. Stern. And, FYI, that pesticide was outlawed by the EPA years ago. This guy is poisoning the soil. Catherine: So he's not a killer, he's a polluter. Travis Watson: He should still be arrested, if you ask me. People are saying that you found urine in the vic's stomach. Catherine: Not sure if it's hinky or kinky. Travis Watson: (laughs) When I used to play ball for the Stars, we would pee on our palms during spring training to toughen them up, you know. Catherine: Remind me never to shake your hand. (Catherine turns to leave.) Travis Watson: I'll put on a glove first. Catherine: (smiles) That's always a good idea. (Travis chuckles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Sara is at the computer running a search through the database when Greg walks in.) Greg: Just came from tox. Rory Kendell's urine analysis is still pending. I know we're not supposed to get ahead of the evidence here, but if he's not guilty ... (Sara picks up the print lifts and interrupts Greg.) Sara: I lifted several prints off the clamps you found by the open window. I AFIS-matched them to a neighbor. The guy's on file for a D&D in '82. Greg: It's Rory, right. Sara: No. Zach Alfano. Greg: Who? (Greg turns around to look at the computer screen.) Sara: He's the neighbor on the other side. I called his house. His daughter said he was picked up in an ambulance two days ago. Apparently, he was vomiting, he couldn't breathe, he passed out. Brass is taking a statement. (She puts Zach Alfano's photo up on the screen.) Sara: He's still in the hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - ZACH ALFANO'S ROOM -- DAY] (Brass interviews Zach Alfano.) Brass: So why didn't you contact the police? Zach Alfano: (hoarsely) I had... (He clears his throat.) I had a tube down my throat till a half hour ago. Brass: All right, let me get this straight -- so you came in from a run and then what happened? Zach Alfano: I heard screaming from inside the house. (Quick flashback to: Zach Alfano runs past the house on his way to his house. He hears a voice calling out from inside the tented house.) Elliot Beckman: (o.s.) Someone help me! (Zach crawls into the house through the window.) Zach Alfano: (V.O.) ... by the time I got to Beckman, he'd already passed out. (Zach tries to drag the body across the room.) Zach Alfano: (V.O.) ... I started to choke on the gas, so I got out of there. (Zach gets out of the house without Mr. Beckman.) Zach Alfano: (V.O.) ... Ran to my neighbor's house, Rory Kendell's, for help. (He runs over to the Kendell's house and rings the doorbell. Next to the side of the house, he throws up into the bushes.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Zach Alfano: I remember my daughter calling 911. Next thing I know ... I'm here. (He coughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. KENDELL RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - DAY] (Greg fingerprints the front door. He tape lifts a print off the doorbell.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Sara stands in the center of the living room looking at the rug on the floor.) (Greg walks in and reports.) Greg: The print on the doorbell is a match to Zach, and I found vomit in the bushes. Both support his account. Sara? Sara: We missed something. Greg: What? Sara: The directionality of the floor rug. The center of the rug is pointing towards the side window. (She looks back at the window.) (Quick flashback to: As Zach pulls Beckman, the rug is scrunched up.) Sara: (V.O.) Also confirms Zach Alfano's story. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: We're back to Rory Kendell. If he didn't leave the house for two days, how come he didn't answer the door when Zach Alfano rang the bell? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Sara and Brass interview Rory Kendell.) Rory Kendell: I was sick. I figured it was some girl scout selling cookies. Sara: We got back the results of your urine analysis. There was sulfuryl fluoride in your system. You were at Elliot's house. Rory Kendell: No. (Sara sits down.) Sara: Here's a thought -- after the exterminators left, you met up with Elliot. You had a fight, you knocked him out, and you dragged him into the house through the side window. Brass: You figured the fumigation would cover your tracks, that we'd chalk it up to an accident. Rory Kendell: Why would I want to kill Elliot? Brass: You've had five noise complaints against him last year. Rory Kendell: That's hardly reason to kill somebody. Brass: Or is it a reason to commit assault? He filed charges against you last May. Rory Kendell: I knocked on his door, and I asked him to turn down that classical crap. He refused. I overreacted. I apologized. Charges were dropped. (He looks at them.) I swear. Brass: Save the swearing for trial. You're under arrest. (He starts coughing.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Renita Loakes' body is on the morgue table.) Dr. Robbins: (V.O.) Renita Loakes, 38, from Seven Hills. New case. (Robbins picks up the knife.) Dr. Robbins: (V.O.) Started as a routine autopsy. (He starts to make the Y incision as we get an extremely good look of the knife cutting through the skin.) Dr. Robbins: (V.O.) She was shopping at the Venetian, keeled over at Lacoste. Physically, she was in excellent condition, ... (Dissolve to: Top view down of Robbins pulling out the cut torso piece. He touches the squishy organs with the tip of his finger.) Dr. Robbins: (V.O.) ... so I figured spontaneous aortic dissection or maybe pulmonary embolism. (End of voice over. Resume to present.) Dr. Robbins: Then I noticed mees lines. (Catherine leans forward and looks at the victim's hands. Close-up of her fingernails.) Catherine: Ah ... just like Julie Stern. (Flashback to Voice over of the autopsy exam: Robbins continues his autopsy. Close-up of a "Toluidine Blue" bottle.) (Robbins picks up the bottle and starts to paint the victim's face Toluidine Blue. Several dissolves and Robbins finishes.) Dr. Robbins: (V.O.) I spotted the tiny pinpricks on her face, so I painted her with toluidine blue to highlight the marks. (End of voice over. Resume to present.) (Robbins hands a drawing of the marks on the face to Catherine for her and Nick to look over.) Robbins: Have a look at this. (He hands Catherine a magnifying glass.) Robbins: Now check out Renita's face. (Camera zooms in for a close-up of the marks on the face. She compares it to the drawing.) Catherine: An exact match. Robbins: It's an acupuncture facial designed to reduce the signs of aging. (Flashback to Voice over of the autopsy exam: Robbins digs out the victim's stomach to get its contents.) Dr. Robbins: (V.O.) For only the second time in my career, in the space of two days, I found urine in the decedent's stomach. (End of voice over. Resume to present.) Nick: (nods) That's more than a coincidence. Catherine: Two women, both fighting the toll of time, die prematurely. Why? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LOAKES' APARTMENT -- DAY] (The front door opens.) Officer: This is Renita's apartment. Nick: Thanks. Officer: You bet. (The Officer closes the door behind them. Nick and Catherine walk into the apartment. Nick flicks the light on.) Nick: Dr. Robbins did say Renita was in good shape. (He notices the gym equipment and calls Catherine's attention to it.) (Catherine notes the bottles on the table. She puts her kit down to look at the them.) (Nick takes photos of the books on the table: STOP AGING NOW!, THE SOUTH BEACH DIET, TAI CHI and THE HAMPTON'S DIET.) (Catherine finds Renita's diary on the table.) Catherine: "Supplement diary." (reads) "Daily youth regimen: Coenzyme q-10-- 50 mg; bee pollen-- 500 mg; ... (Nick puts the book down and walks over to Catherine.) Catherine: ... grape seed-- 200 mg; deer antler drops; chinese mountain ant extract; tincture of wild reishi." And that's just for breakfast. Nick: How'd she have room for pancakes? (Nick picks up a bottle.) Nick: Do you think these supplements really do any good? Catherine: Why are you asking me? Nick: I'm just asking a question, Catherine. (Catherine closes the journal and puts it aside.) Catherine: Scientifically, there's not a whole lot of evidence. (She walks over to the vanity table and looks at its contents. In the background, Nick snaps photos.) (Catherine picks up the tube of StriViactin-SD lotion. Under the price tag reads $135. She puts it down and picks up the small container of facial crème. The price tag reads $145.) (Nick walks up to her.) Nick: More lotions and potions. Catherine: You gonna ask me if this stuff works, too? Nick: No. I'm gonna process the bathroom. (Nick heads for the bathroom. Catherine continues to survey the vanity table. In front of the photo of Renita Loakes, she picks up a small bottle and looks at it.) [INT. LOAKES' APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Nick walks into the bathroom and sees a wine glass on the sink counter next to the toilet. On the bowl, there is a stainless steel pan. Nick snaps photos of the toilet.) Nick: Hey, Catherine. Catherine: (o.s.) Yeah? (He snaps a photo of the wine glass.) Nick: You might want to come take a look at this. (Nick picks up the wine glass and sniffs at it.) (Catherine walks into the bathroom. She sees the bedpan on the toilet.) Nick: Urine in the bedpan and in the glass. (Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] Renita Loakes empties the urine from the bedpan into the wine glass. She drinks it down. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Nick looks at the wine glass.) Nick: She liked it fresh. (Catherine looks horrified.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Greg goes through the database looking for a match to the blue feather. Sara walks in.) Sara: How's it going? Greg: Ornithological database just ID'd the feathers I collected at the crime scene. (He hands the evidence bag with the feathers to Sara.) Hyacinth macaw. So how come you and Brass didn't involve me in the interrogation? Sara: Greg, you still have the solo to complete, and, technically, you're still a trainee, but you're doing a great job. Greg: Thanks. (Sara turns and leaves. Greg goes back to the computer.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Grissom is mixing up a concoction when Sara walks in.) Sara: What are you doing with potassium nitrate? Grissom: I'm making a bomb. Two bombs actually. (He takes a scoop of sugar out of the sugar bag.) Sara: And sugar. You're making sweet bombs? Grissom: I'm making smoke bombs. [INT. BECKMAN'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] Grissom: Ready? (Grissom and Sara pull down their face masks. They kneel down in front of two canisters.) Grissom: One, two, three. (They each uncover the canisters and the room starts to fill with a white smoke.) (Various dissolves of the white smoke filling up the room as they wait. Sara and Grissom walk around the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BECKMAN'S FRONT YARD TO KENDELL'S BACK YARD - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Greg stands in the bedroom at the back of the house looking around for something. He passes the hallway and sees white smoke leaking out from under the closet door.) (The fire alarm rings. Greg opens the closet and finds white smoke leaking into the house from an opening at the bottom of the closet.) Greg: (to phone) Grissom. We got smoke. Coming from an uncapped electrical conduit. (Camera zooms into the uncapped electrical conduit and follows the wires into Beckman's house.) [INT. BECKMAN'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] Sara: Hey, I found it! (Sara finds the opposite opening in the wall. She turns around to report to Grissom as he walks into the living room.) Sara: It's right behind the speaker. Music traveled through the conduit directly into Rory's house. No wonder he was so pissed off. Grissom: At one time, both houses must've been connected to the same electrical meter. Sara: A single property. How did you figure that? Grissom: We found fumigant in Rory Kendell's urine. But he claimed he was never in the victim's house. Sara: So you devised the experiment to prove he was lying? Grissom: Exactly. But, he was telling the truth. Sara: So now what? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- DAY (Brass and Grissom interview Nate Allen and Ted Martin.) Brass: So you're the last one to see Elliot Beckman alive. So did he drive away from his house? Ted Martin: Oh, we saw him walk away. His, uh, his car was in the shop or something. He was staying down at some motel down the street. Brass: And that's the last time you saw him? Ted Martin: Yeah. Nate Allen: No. Ted is our, our gas-man, so he stayed behind to release the fumigants. I headed on over to the next job. Saw the dude on the side of the road, so I-I gave him a lift to the motel. (chuckles) That bird crapped in my truck. Grissom: Can you describe the bird? Nate Allen: It was blue. Grissom: What motel? Nate Allen: Uh, four aces, down there on boulder highway and water street. Grissom: Does it ever bother you that you make your living killing insects? (The two fumigators stare at Grissom.) Ted Martin: What kind of question is that? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Catherine looks up the website.) URINE THERAPY Nature's Elixir for Good Health JESUS' FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH Catherine: (reads) "If you believe in me, you will never thirst. Rivers of Living water shall flow from your bellies. John 7:38." Nick: (nods) You getting religious on me? Catherine: Apparently, some fringe health professionals have used the biblical passage as justification for urine therapy. Nick: Drinking your own pee? Catherine: I ran an Amazon search, I found fifteen books touting urine's supposed health benefits, including its magical powers to reduce the signs of aging. Listen to this. Nick: It is a perversion of medicine, not to mention the bible. I don't get it. These women-- the time, the pain, the effort. For what? Smoother skin? Please. Catherine: Make a muscle, Nicky. Nick: What? Catherine: Roll up your sleeve, make a muscle. (Nick rolls up his sleeve and makes a muscle. Catherine feels the muscle.) Catherine: (impressed) Oh. Now, how much time and effort went into this? I'm gonna guess five days a week a the gym, low carb, low fat, slow burn, and for what, Nicky? For what? Nick: That's a good point, but it's not the same thing. Catherine: No. It's nice, though. Nick: (chuckles) Well, thanks, I'm not even flexing it yet either. Catherine: Really? But it's rock hard. (David Phillips walks up to the door and clears his throat.) David Phillips: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt ... barge in. I ... normally would've knocked, but the door isn't ... Nick: No, no, it's all right, Super Dave. Nice purse. David Phillips: Oh, uh ... paramedics just delivered it. (He hands the black bag to Nick.) David Phillips: Got separated from Ms. Loakes when she was loaded into the ambulance. Nick: Anything else? David Phillips: Oh, no, no. Catherine: Thanks, David. David Phillips: Sure. (David Phillips leaves. Nick opens the bag and dumps its contents on the table. Catherine finds a spray bottle. The instructions read: DIRECTIONS One Spray twice a day under the tongue TO REORDER Contact Dr. Tony Malaga (702) 555-0195 Catherine: "Dorian Spray." "One spray twice a day under the tongue." (She shows the label to Nick.) Catherine: Hey, check out that second ingredient. The label reads: INGREDIENTS: VITAMIN B6, ARSENICUM, VITAMIN E, ZINC, SELENIUM, GLYCINE, LYSINE, ORNITINE, DEIONIZED WATER, GLYCERINE AND GINSENG. Nick: (reads) "Arsenicum." Holistic for arsenic. An oral spray? "For refills, contact Dr. Malaga." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAGEBRUSH SPA - MAIN LOBBY -- DAY] (Catherine and Nick walk into the lobby and head for the reception desk.) Nick: This is a doctor's office? Catherine: According to Vartann, Dr. Malaga bought the spa two years ago and incorporated his practice. Receptionist: Hi, and welcome to the sagebrush spa. Nick: Thanks. I'm Nick Stokes. This is Catherine Willows. We're with the crime lab. We're here to see Dr. Malaga. Receptionist: Is he expecting you? Catherine: Just tell him we're here. Receptionist: (to phone) Dr. Malaga. (Nick picks up a brochure and looks at it. It reads: "JOURNEY TO --- relaxation is enhanced by a combination ... therapy. Experience the ultimate facial that ... and soothe. Includes hand and foot treatment ... and shoulder massage. 110 minutes $160 + BOTOX INJECTIONS- The result ... Administered treatment is a temporary res - Wrinkles between the eyes. Restores skin ... Appearance. $500. RESTAYLANE INJECTIONS- These ... Moderate to severe wrinkles around the no ... Volume and fullness to skin. $500 Nick: Botox injections-- 500 bucks. Restaylane injections-- 500. Micropeel-- Catherine: (shakes her head) That's my car payment. Nick: You don't actually think you need this stuff, do you? Catherine: It's Vegas, Nicky. Everybody needs it. Nick: You don't. (She smiles at him. The title of the book displayed catches her eye: UNRINE THERAPY: Nature's Elixir for Good Health.) Catherine: (reads) "Urine therapy. Nature's elixir ... " (Dr. Tony Malaga appears.) Dr. Tony Malaga: My clients swear by it. Let's go to my office. (He turns and leads them to his office. They follow.) Catherine: You sold Dorian spray to both Renita Loakes and Julie Stern. Dr. Tony Malaga: Yeah. It's my own formulation, and I can assure you that it's perfectly safe. Nick: Doctor, you are aware that arsenic is a poison, right? Dr. Tony Malaga: So is botox. But 2.2 million people had injections last year. And foxglove is a deadly plant that also doubles as a cardiac medication. Catherine: I'm familiar with digitalis. Dr. Tony Malaga: Well, arsenic, in extremely small doses, fights premature aging by improving skin elasticity. [INT. SAGEBRUSH SPA - DR. MALAGA'S OFFICE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The door opens and they walk inside.) Dr. Tony Malaga: Look, even if Ms. Loakes and Ms. Stern drank a whole case of that spray, the arsenic content wouldn't be lethal. (Nick notes the Degree from Western Las Vegas University hanging on the wall.) Nick: Well, they teach you about arsenic in medical school? Dr. Tony Malaga: I did a course in holistic medicine a couple of years ago. Catherine: Did you also take a course in spa management? (Dr. Malaga turns on the computer laptop on his desk. He photographs Catherine as she sits across from him.) Dr. Tony Malaga: Medical School left me with a lot of debts and with HMOs cutting their fees, my practice was barely breaking even. (As he talks, he maps out various improvements on her facial features.) Dr. Tony Malaga: You know, th-the whole profession is changing. (He grids the digital image of Catherine and starts to make adjustments to the image - lifts, nip here, tuck there.) Dr. Tony Malaga: Doctors have to seek out their patients. The HMOs don't recognize aging as a disease, so I'm free to charge whatever the market will bear. Catherine: Hang on. You consider aging a disease? (Nick sits down on the couch behind Catherine. Dr. Malaga turns the laptop monitor off.) Dr. Tony Malaga: With a 100% mortality rate. Aging wreaks havoc with every one of our systems: Respiratory, cardiovascular, nervous, musculo-skeletal and immune. Catherine: But you're not treating the body. You're battling crow's feet. Dr. Tony Malaga: (chuckles) Righteous indignation. That's one step before acceptance. Catherine: Acceptance of what? Dr. Tony Malaga: What I do. The, uh ... procedures and products. You've seen the ads in all the beauty magazines. You've studied all the before and after photos. It's okay, Ms. Willows. We'll all get older, and nobody wants to look their age. I give you what you need. I give you what you want. (What he says affects Catherine. She doesn't reply.) Nick: So, what Ponce de Leon couldn't find, you did, huh? The Fountain of Youth. Snake oil in a fancy bottle. Dr. Tony Malaga: Medicine is about hope. And like any good doctor, that's what I sell. Nick: Medicine is about healing. Hope is about prayer. That should be free. Catherine: We need Ms. Sterns' and Ms. Loakes' medical records. And, uh, this time, we've got a court order. (Catherine hands the warrant to Dr. Malaga.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY] (Brass walks into the break room where Sara and Greg sit at the table.) Brass: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, I presume? Sara: What do you need, Brass? Brass: Well, it may be elementary, but I have a conundrum. I just got back from the Four Aces. The hotel manager said Elliot tried to check in with his bird. The guy turned him down because he didn't have a cage, so supposedly Elliot went home to retrieve it, but neither he nor the bird ever returned. Greg: Looks like we need to find that bird. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (The door opens. Greg and Sara walk inside. They immediately split up and look around the area. Greg heads for the hallway to check out the bedrooms; Sara heads for the kitchen.) [INT. BECKMAN RESIDENCE - KITCHEN -- DAY] (From an open storage cabinet, flies buzz.) Sara: Greg. (Greg walks up next to Sara and sees the flies. Lots and lots of flies.) Greg: Oh. There were no flies in here when we processed the house. (Sara and Greg head for the c Sara: Fumigation kills all household insects, and it takes time for new flies to find a portal of entry. Greg: Well, bird could've flown up somewhere and died. (The flies are coming from the top shelf in the pantry. Sara gets a step ladder to check it out. She finds a dead rat.) Sara: Carcass with a fresh colony of maggots. The bird's not here; it's a dead rat. Greg: Which means the macaw was either bird-napped or he flew the coop. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUY BUY BIRDIE -- DAY] (Grissom walks into the bird shop and finds the Bird Shop Manager trying to teach the Cockatoo to speak.) Bird Shop Manager: I love you. Bird Shop Manager: I love you. Bird Shop Manager: I love you. Grissom: Teaching him to speak? Bird Shop Manager: Although the cockatoo is intelligent, birds don't speak. To speak requires a cognitive ability to understand, which they don't. They just imitate. And Edweena is a she. How can I help you? Grissom: I'm looking for a macaw. Bird Shop Manager: Well, you came to the right place. "Buy Buy Birdie"'s the only exotic bird store in Clark County. Grissom: Has anyone tried to sell you a macaw in the last few days? Bird Shop Manager: No. Why? Grissom: Well, I'm trying to locate a missing blue hyacinth. Bird Shop Manager: Very rare. In my whole career, I've only sold one. Grissom: Do you remember the buyer's name? Bird Shop Manager: Sure. Mr. Beckman. He's in here all the time. Bob likes to eat cashews out of my pocket. Mr. Beckman doesn't go anywhere without Bob. Grissom: Mr. Beckman, um, died three days ago. We found these ... feathers in his house. (He shows the Bird Shop Manager the photo of three feathers taken at the scene.) Bird Shop Manager: Tail feathers. That's not good. Grissom: Why is that? Bird Shop Manager: (worriedly) Macaws only molt one tail feather at a time. Get a pile like this, someone yanked. Real hard. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Nick looks at the file results.) Nick: So, Dr. Malaga was telling the truth -- both women were poisoned. But that's not what killed them. Travis Watson: Yeah, so we can rule out arsenic as a cause of death. (Catherine is sitting at the counter looking at the tube of blood.) Catherine: Hey, Travis? These are the vials from our decedents, right? (He and Nick walk up to her.) Travis Watson: Yeah, I just finished with them yesterday. Why? Catherine: Well, the red blood cells haven't separated from the serum. Travis Watson: Is that relevant? Catherine: Maybe. I mean, normally, we'd see a yellow band of serum on top of the crimson blood. These vials are solid crimson. Nick: Which means the red blood cells have lysed. (Quick CGI POV of: Close-up of the red blood cells in the blood pop.) Nick: (V.O.) Something caused the red blood cells to lyse, or pop. The hemoglobin from inside those cells infiltrated the serum. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Nick: If a sufficient number of red blood cells lyse, a person dies. Travis Watson: So, what caused the lysis? Nick: We answer that question, we solve this case. (Catherine puts the tube back on the rack.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine and Nick walk through the hallway.) Catherine: So, the women were thirty years apart in age. They lived on different sides of town. They probably didn't know each other. But they both drank their own urine and were patients of Dr. Malaga's. Nick: Well, were either one of their procedures sufficiently invasive as to compromise their blood? Catherine: (looks through the file) Well, last monday, two days before liver spot removal, Ms. Stern had a body wrap and ... hydrogen peroxide therapy. Nick: (looks through Loakes' file) Ms. Loakes also underwent hydrogen peroxide therapy... on the same day? Here's the menu of services provided by the spa. (He looks at the brochure.) Let's see ... "hydrogen peroxide therapy -- a three percent solution is injected directly into a client's vein, bathing the red blood cells in nourishing oxygen, boosting the immune system and reversing the signs of aging." Catherine: Question is, is it deadly? Nick: Well, let's find out. I'll get the hydrogen peroxide. Catherine: I'll get the blood. Nick: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Grissom dusts one of the blue bird feathers. He finds a print. He takes a picture of the print on the feather, then tape lifts the print off the feather.) Cue Sound: (PRELAP) KNOCKING ON DOOR [INT. MARTIN RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Ted Martin answers the door. He finds Brass, Sara and Grissom outside.) Brass: Mr. Martin, we have a warrant to search your apartment. Please, stay with me. Stay ahead of me. (They walk into the house.) Ted Martin: Look, if you guys tell me what you're looking for, maybe I can help you out, um ... Brass: Look, shut up and stay still. (Sara opens a drawer in the kitchen. She opens a d cabinet and continues to look around. She opens the counter drawer and finds it filled with watches.) Sara: Brass? How many watches do you own? Brass: Couple of sport, couple of dress. Why? Sara: Mr. Martin has about twenty here. Brass: Twenty? Ted Martin: I'm a collector. (She picks up a woman's watch.) Sara: This is a little small for your wrist, don't you think? (She opens another drawer.) Sara: Several rings, a necklace, cufflinks and a gold pen. You know, these things all have one thing in common -- you can kind of slip them into your pocket. This is engraved -- "Joan Arryington." I wonder what the odds are that Mrs. Arryington is a client of Oden Pest Control. [INT. MARTIN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Grissom looks through the night stand drawers. He hears a bird squawk come from the bathroom.) [INT. MARTIN'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Grissom walks into the bathroom and opens the shower. He finds Bob in his cage.) Grissom: (smiles) Hello, Bob. (Bob squawks.) [INT. MARTIN RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom walks out with the cage.) Grissom: Look what I found. (Bob squawks.) Sara: I think we all know what happened here. After your buddies left, you were poking around Mr. Beckman's house. But he surprised you. (Quick flashback to: Elliot Beckman walks back to his house with Bob on his arm. Elliot Beckman: (mutters) A cage! I can't believe that manager. (Mr. Beckman walks into the house.) (In the study, Ted Martin goes through the desk when Elliott Beckman walks in.) Elliot Beckman: What the hell are you doing? Ted Martin: Just getting ready for the fume. Elliot Beckman: You were rifling through my stuff ... Ted Martin: Oh, no, no, no, no, man. I was just making sure that everything, uh, was, is secure. Elliot Beckman: I'm going to call the police. (Mr. Beckman walks into the living room and picks up the phone.) Elliot Beckman: (mutters) He can't do that. No, he can't. (Ted hits Elliot Beckman in the face. Bob flutters around. Ted Martin grabs Bob.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Somehow, you managed to get the bird in the cage, seal the tent and release the gas. (Quick flashback to: Ted Martin turns the gas pump on. The gas starts to fill the house. Elliot Beckman comes to and starts suffocating on the gas. He tries to crawl along the floor. He drops his glasses and continues to crawl on the floor.) Elliot Beckman: Someone help me! (Elliot Beckman continues to cough.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Despite his neighbor's best efforts, he was a goner. Ted Martin: I'm not admitting to anything. Grissom: You don't have to, Ted. We know why the caged bird sings. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Nick and Catherine sit side-by-side at the table.) Catherine: So, hand me the syringe with the three percent concentration. (Nick hands Catherine the first syringe.) Nick: Here you go. (She injects it into the tube of blood.) Catherine: No effect. (Nick fills the second syringe.) Nick: Upping the concentration of hydrogen peroxide to ... seven percent. (He hands her the syringe. She injects the tube of blood. She sets it aside.) Nick: Okay. (Nick fills the next syringe.) (Dissolve to: Catherine holds the tube of blood.) Nick: Fifteen percent ... (She puts that tube back in the holder. Catherine picks up the next test tube.) (Camera moves slowly across the row of Hydrogen Peroxide concentrates and stops at the final bottle: 30%.) (Nick picks it up and fills the syringe. He hands it to Catherine.) Nick: Concentration level 30%. (Catherine injects the syringe into the test tube.) (Quick CGI POV of: The red blood cells pop and burst. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Catherine: Lysis. Nick: Concentration at 30%. That's ten times the three percent specified on the menu. Catherine: The death was in the decimal. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAGEBRUSH SPA - DR. MALAGA'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Catherine meets with Dr. Tony Malaga and his lawyer, Adam Matthews.) Adam Matthews: Dr. Malaga has not committed a crime. Catherine: He injected a lethal batch of hydrogen peroxide into two of his patients. Adam Matthews: Even if that were true, you may have uncovered a very tragic accident, a very horrible mistake -- but certainly nothing criminal, or we'd be downtown right now. No A.D.A.'S going to prosecute. The procedures were elective. Catherine, you don't need me to tell you how many people die every day as a result of physician error. Catherine: Well, I am not talking about other people. I'm talking about Julie Stern and Renita Loakes. Dr. Tony Malaga: Yeah, both of whom looked in the mirror ... and wanted to turn back time. Catherine: They put their trust in you because you're an M.D. Your professional degree made them feel safe. Dr. Tony Malaga: All procedures carry a risk. Catherine: Is that what you tell yourself? And when you screw up again, what happens? Adam Matthews: His malpractice premiums go up. Catherine: Oh. I'll be notifying the victims' families. You can count on a civil suit. (Catherine leaves.) [INT. SAGEBRUSH SPA - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Catherine walks out of the office and heads down the hallway. She passes a Spa Worker on her way out.) Worker: Good night. Catherine: Good night. (Catherine walks up to the mirror and stares at her reflection.) (Camera holds on Catherine.) FADE TO BLACK	Plan: A: two apparently unrelated women; Q: Who died under the same circumstances? A: various cosmetic procedures; Q: What did the two women die under the same circumstances undergo? A: a local spa; Q: Where did the two women die? A: a man; Q: Who is found dead in a house fumigated for termites? Summary: When two apparently unrelated women die under the same circumstances, Catherine and Nick discover that both women underwent various cosmetic procedures at a local spa. Meanwhile, Grissom, Sara and Greg investigate when a man is found dead in a house fumigated for termites .
[OPENING TITLES] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - MORNING] Anna: You made me jump. Gwen: Daisy, what is the matter with you? You're all thumbs. Daisy: Sorry. I hate this room. Gwen: Well, why? What's the matter with it? Anna: Daisy? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING] Lady Mary: Who's that from, Papa? You seem very absorbed. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Your Aunt Rosamund. Lady Edith: Anything interesting? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Nothing to trouble you with. Lady Sybil: Poor Aunt Rosamund, all alone in that big house. I feel so sorry for her. Lady Mary: I don't. All alone with plenty of money and a house in Eton Square? I can't imagine anything better. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Really, Mary, I wish you wouldn't talk like that. There will come a day when someone thinks you mean what you say. Lady Mary: It can't come soon enough for me. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Carson, I'll be in the library. Will you let me know when Her Ladyship is down? Mr Carson: Certainly, my lord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Sybil, darling, this one's for you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORRIDOR/LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - MORNING] Lady Sybil: I saw another opening for a secretary and I applied. Gwen: But you never said. Lady Sybil: I didn't want you to be disappointed. Gwen: I thought you'd given up. Lady Sybil: I'll never give up, and nor will you. Things are changing for women, Gwen. Not just the vote, but our lives. Gwen: But it's tomorrow at ten o'clock. Last time, we waited for weeks and weeks and-and this one's tomorrow. Lady Sybil: Then we must be ready by tomorrow, mustn't we? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE] Isobel Crawley: I thought I'd write to Edith to settle our promised church visit. Matthew Crawley: If you want. Isobel Crawley: Well, we can't just throw her over when she made such an effort to arrange the last one. Matthew Crawley: It's all in your head. Isobel Crawley: I don't think so. Matthew Crawley: Then...she's barking up the wrong tree. Isobel Crawley: Poor Edith, I hope there's a right tree for her somewhere. Mr Molesley: Ma'am, I was wondering if I might take some time this afternoon to help in the village hall. Matthew Crawley: Why? What's happening? Mr Molesley: It's the flower show, sir, next Saturday. I'll give my father a hand with his stall if I may. Isobel Crawley: Of course you must go. Matthew Crawley: And so, I'm afraid, must I. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STOREROOM - DAY] Mr Bates: Is Mr Carson about? Thomas: I don't think so. I was just looking for him myself. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Busy? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm just trying to sort out the wretched flower show. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I've had a letter from Rosamund. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't tell me, she wants a saddle of lamb and all the fruit and vegetables we can muster. Robert, Earl of Grantham: She enjoys a taste of her old home. Cora, Countess of Grantham: (chuckles) She enjoys not paying for food. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But there's something else. Apparently, the word is going 'round London that Evelyn Napier has given up any thought of Mary, that he's going to marry one of the Sempill girls. She writes as if somehow it reflects badly on Mary. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Your dear sister's always such a harbinger of joy. Robert, Earl of Grantham: No, as if...as if Mary had somehow been found wanting in her character. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Well, I don't believe Mr Napier would have said that. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Neither do I, really, but- Cora, Countess of Grantham: She ought to be married. Talk to her. Robert, Earl of Grantham: (chuckles) She never listens to me. If she did, she'd marry Matthew. Cora, Countess of Grantham: What about Anthony Strallan? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Anthony Strallan is at least my age and as dull as paint. I doubt she'd want to sit next to him at dinner, let alone marry him. Cora, Countess of Grantham: She has to marry someone, Robert. And if this is what's being said in London, she has to marry soon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] Miss O'Brien: You shouldn't do that in here. William: I don't like being in the pantry all alone. Mr Carson won't mind. He's gone into the village. Thomas: He'll mind if I tell him. Daisy: That's ridiculous. Miss O'Brien: Do you think so? She wants it put onto a new shirt, but it's a bit old fashioned to my taste. Daisy: Oh, no, it's lovely. Anna: Have you recovered, Daisy? Mr Bates: What from? Anna: She had a bit of a turn when we were in Lady Mary's room, didn't you? Daisy: I'm fine, thank you. Thomas: What sort of a turn? Did you see a ghost? William: Will you leave her alone if she doesn't want to talk about it? Thomas: I've often wondered if this place is haunted. It ought to be. Miss O'Brien: Of the spirits of maids and footmen who died in slavery? Mr Bates: But not, in Thomas's case, from overwork. Thomas: Come on, Daisy, what was it? Daisy: I don't know. I was thinking, first we had the Titanic-- Miss O'Brien: Don't keep harping back to that. Daisy: I know it was a while ago, but we knew him. I think of how we laid the fires for Mr Patrick, but he drowned in them icy waters. Miss O'Brien: For God's sake. Daisy: And then there's the Turkish gentleman. It just seems there's been too much death in the house. William: What's that got to do with Lady Mary's bedroom? Daisy: Nothing. Nothing at all. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. VILLAGE HALL - DAY] Mr Molesley: Afternoon, ma'am. Isobel Crawley: When do you put that magnificent display of prizes on show? Mr Molesley: Not till the day itself. Isobel Crawley: I remember a superb cup from last year. Mr Molesley: The Grantham Cup. It was donated by the late Lord Grantham for the best bloom in the village. Isobel Crawley: And who won it? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I did. Isobel Crawley: Well done. And the year before? Mr Molesley: Her Ladyship won that one, too. Isobel Crawley: Heaven's, how thrilling. And before that? Mr Molesley: You've met my father. Isobel Crawley: Good afternoon, Mr Molesley. What are you showing this year? Mr William Molesley: Oh, this and that. Mr Molesley: Only the finest roses in the village. Isobel Crawley: Really? What an achievement. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: It's a wonderful area for roses. We're very lucky. We'll see some beautiful examples right across the show, won't we, Mr Molesley? Mr William Molesley: If you say so, Your Ladyship. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORRIDOR/SERVANTS' STAIRCASE - DAY] Miss O'Brien: What's up with you? Thomas: Nothing. Miss O'Brien: His Lordship's blaming Mr Napier for spreading gossip about Lady Mary, but it was you, wasn't it? Thomas: Why do you say that? Miss O'Brien: Because Napier wasn't in on it. Only four people knew he was in her room that night. You, me, Lady Mary, and possibly Daisy, and I haven't said nothing to nobody. Thomas: Well, I didn't tell about Pamuk, I just wrote that Lady Mary was no better than she ought to be. Miss O'Brien: Who did you write it to? Thomas: Only a friend of mine, valet to Lord Savident. Miss O'Brien: You know what they say about Old Savident. "Not so much an open mind as an open mouth." No wonder it's all 'round London. Thomas: You won't tell, will you? I'm in enough trouble as it is. Miss O'Brien: Why, what's happened? Thomas: Mr Bates saw me nicking a bottle of wine. Miss O'Brien: Has he told Mr Carson? Thomas: Not yet, but he will when he's feeling spiteful. I wish we could be shot of him. Miss O'Brien: Then think of something quick. Turn the tables on him before he has a chance to nail you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - NIGHT] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I thought you went to bed hours ago. Lady Sybil: I was writing a note for Lynch. I need the governess cart tomorrow. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh? Lady Sybil: I'm going to Moulton. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, don't risk the traffic in Moulton, not now every Tom, Dick, and Harry seems to have a motor. Lady Sybil: Hardly. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Last time I was there, there were five cars parked in the marketplace and another three drove past while I was waiting. Get Branson to take you in the car. Neither of us are using it. Lady Sybil: I thought I'd pop in on old Mrs Steward. Will you tell Mama if I forget? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - MORNING] Miss O'Brien: You're late this morning. Daisy: The library grate needed a real going over. Are any of them down yet? Thomas: Lady Sybil's in the dining room. Daisy: I'll start with her room, then. Miss O'Brien: Daisy, you know when you were talking about the feeling of death in the house... Daisy: I was just being silly. Miss O'Brien: I found myself wondering about the connection between the poor Turkish gentleman, Mr Pamuk, and Lady Mary's room. Only, you were saying how you felt so uncomfortable in there. Daisy: Well, I've...I've got to get on. I'm late enough as it is. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VILLAGE ROAD - DAY] Matthew Crawley: Hello. Is everything all right? Lady Mary: Oh, hello. I'm about to send a telegram Matthew Crawley: Oh. Lady Mary: Papa's sister is always nagging him to send supplies to London, and then we cable her so her butler can be at King's Cross to meet them. It's idiotic, really. Matthew Crawley: Is this Lady Rosamund Painswick? Lady Mary: You have done your homework. Matthew Crawley: She wrote to welcome me into the family, which I thought pretty generous, given the circumstances. Lady Mary: It's easy to be generous when you have nothing to lose. So, you doing any more church visiting with Edith? Matthew Crawley: My mother's trying to set something up. Lady Mary: Well, watch out. I think she has big plans for you. Matthew Crawley: Then she's in for an equally big disappointment. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - MORNING] Daisy: Is it all right to do the fire? Anna: Why are you so late? Daisy: I went back to my room after I'd woken everyone and I just shut my eyes for a moment. I've been trying to catch up ever since. Anna: Have you had any breakfast? Daisy: Not a crumb. Anna: Here. Gwen: Wait-you can't take a biscuit. Anna: She never eats them. None of them do. Just thrown away and changed every evening. Daisy: Thanks. She won't mind anyway. She's nice, Lady Sybil. Mr Carson: Gwen? May I ask why you're sitting on Lady Sybil's bed? Gwen: Well, you see, I had a turn - like a burst of sickness - just sudden like. I had to sit down. Anna: It's true. Mr Carson: You better go and lie down. I'll tell Mrs Hughes. Gwen: I don't need to interrupt her morning. I'm sure I'll be fine if I could just put my feet up. Mr Carson: And how many bedrooms have you still got to do? Anna: Just one. Lady Edith. Mr Carson: And you can manage on your own? Anna: Well, she's no use to man or beast in that state. Go on. Shoo. [Gwen leaves.] Mr Carson: Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Lady Sybil's biscuit jar? Daisy: Er...I was just polishing it before I put it back. Mr Carson: See that you do. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Mrs Patmore: I'm sorry, but I can't do more than my best. Mrs Hughes: Is there some difficulty Your Ladyship? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Dear Mrs Hughes, as you know, we're giving dinner on Friday for Sir Anthony Strallan. Mrs Hughes: Yes, milady. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Well, it seems he's particularly fond of a certain new pudding. It's called Apple Charlotte. Do you know it? Mrs Hughes: I-I'm not sure. Cora, Countess of Grantham: His sister, Mrs Chetwood, sent me the receipt. I'm trying to persuade Mrs Patmore to make it. Mrs Patmore: And I'm trying to persuade Her Ladyship that I have already planned the dinner with her, and I can't change it now. Mrs Hughes: Why not? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Because everything's been ordered and prepared. Mrs Hughes: Well, there's nothing here that looks very complicated. Apples, lemons, butter... Mrs Patmore: I cannot work from a new receipt at a moment's notice! Daisy: But I can read it to you, if that's the problem. Mrs Patmore: Problem? Who mentioned a problem? How dare you say such a thing in front of Her Ladyship? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Very well. We'll try it another time when you've had longer to prepare. We'll stay with the raspberry meringue. Mrs Hughes: And very nice it'll be, too. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm sure. Mrs Patmore: Have you taken leave of your senses? Mrs Hughes: I'm so sorry about that, milady. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Never mind. I was asking a lot. Do look after that girl. Mrs Hughes: Daisy? She's used to it. She'll be all right. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I wonder. Mrs Patmore looks ready to eat her alive. Daisy: I was only try to help. Mrs Patmore: Oh! Judas was only trying to help, I suppose, when he brought the Roman soldiers to the garden! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY] Gwen: Well, I had to let the skirt down a little, but I can put it back. Lady Sybil: No, it's yours. What will happen if one of the maids finds your room is empty? Gwen: Oh, it would only be Anna, and she wouldn't give me away. She's like a sister. She'd never betray me. Lady Sybil: Oh, well, then she's not like my sisters. Walk on. [SCENE_BREAK] [LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - MORNING] Mr Bates: Shall I give you a hand? Anna: Oh, would you? It takes half the time with two. Mr Bates: I always feel a bit sorry for Lady Edith. Anna: Me, too. Although I don't know why, when you think what she's got and what we haven't. Mr Bates: Mrs Hughes said she was after the other heir, Mr Patrick Crawley, the one who drowned. Anna: That was different. She was in love with him. Mr Bates: What happened? Anna: She never got her luck in. He was always set up to marry Lady Mary. Mr Bates: Then he's a braver man than I am, Gunga Din. Sad to think about. Anna: It's always sad when you love someone who doesn't love you back, no matter who you are. Mr Bates: No, I mean, it's sad that he died. Anna: Oh. Yes. Very sad. He was nice. Well, thank you for that. Much appreciated. Mr Bates: My pleasure. Perhaps Mr Patrick did love her back, he just couldn't say it. Anna: Why ever not? Mr Bates: Sometimes we're not at liberty to speak. Sometimes it wouldn't be right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OFFICE BUILDING, HALLWAY - DAY] Secretary: Take a seat. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: The flower show? Oh, I thought I was in for another telling off about the hospital. Isobel Crawley: No, this time it's the flower show. I've been to see old Mr Molesley's garden and his roses are the most beautiful I've ever laid eyes on. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Go on. Isobel Crawley: You may not know it, but I believe the committee feel obliged to give you the cup for the best bloom as a kind of local tradition. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No, no, I d-I do not know that. I thought I usually won the prize for best bloom in the village because my garden had grown the best bloom in the village. Isobel Crawley: Yes. But you don't usually win, do you? You always win. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Yes. I have been very fortunate in that regard. Isobel Crawley: But surely, when Mr Molesley's garden is so remarkable, and he's so very proud of his roses- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You talk of Mr Molesley's pride? What about my gardener's pride? Is he to be sacrificed on the altar of Molesley's ambition? Isobel Crawley: All I'm asking is that you release them from any obligation to let you win. Why not just tell them to choose whichever flower is best? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But that is precisely what they already know...and do. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OFFICE BUILDING, HALLWAY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Gwen exits the office and nervously rushes down the hallway.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY] Mr Bates: I'm sorry, my lord, I didn't think you'd be in here. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Are my eyes deceiving me, or is one of these missing? Mr Bates: I don't know them well enough. Robert, Earl of Grantham: No, why would you? There's a very pretty little blue one with a miniature framed in French paste. It was made for a German prince, I forget who. Unless it's been moved for some reason...but why would it be? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY] Lady Sybil: Can you help? I should be so grateful. Our horse has cast his shoe. Is there a smithy nearby? Stranger: Ah, you can try old Crump in the next village. Lady Sybil: Thank you. Gwen: Thank you. Lady Sybil: See? Help is at hand. And at least it happened on the way home. Gwen: They'll all be worried about you, and if they check on me, I'm finished. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] Anna: Is Her Ladyship wearing that now? Miss O'Brien: Oh, no, this is for Friday night. I just thought I'd give it a press while I had the time. Anna: You don't know what's happened to Lady Sybil, do you? I've got the changes ready for the other two, but there's no sign of her. Miss O'Brien: Don't you start. I've had Her Majesty on at me all afternoon. William: Mr Carson says he'll fetch the police if she's not back soon. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SMITHY - DAY] Stranger 2: Sorry, Miss, but Mr Crump's staying over at the Skelton estates tonight. He's working there all week. LADY SYBIL (sigh) Is there anyone else? Stranger 2: Not that I know of. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY] Lady Sybil: Come on, Dragon! Come on! Dragon, if you don't move now, I'll have you boiled for glue! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - EVENING] Cora, Countess of Grantham: What if she's over turned? What if she's lying in a ditch somewhere? Miss O'Brien: I'm sure she'll be back in the shake of a lamb's tail. Cora, Countess of Grantham: The truth is, they're all getting too old for a mother's control. Miss O'Brien: They're growing up. Cora, Countess of Grantham: They've grown up. They need their own establishments. Miss O'Brien: I'm sure they'll all get plenty of offers. Cora, Countess of Grantham: No one ever warns you about bringing up daughters. You think it's going to be like Little Women. Instead, they're at each other's throats from dawn till dusk. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOUSEMAIDS' BEDROOM - EVENING] Anna: You look done in. I'll bring you some food up later when we've finished dinner. Where were you? Gwen: You came up, then? Anna: 'Course I did. Had to change for the afternoon. Gwen: Did you cover for me? Anna: What do you think? I don't suppose this had anything to do with Lady Sybil? Gwen: Oh, Anna, it was a nightmare. I don't know how I got in without being seen. I'm sure I left a trail of mud up the stairs. Anna: So...did you get the job? Gwen: Well, we'll have to wait and see. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - EVENING] Miss O'Brien: Sorry to bother you, milady, but your mother wanted you to know Lady Sybil's back. She's changing now, so dinner won't be late after all. Lady Edith: What happened to her? Miss O'Brien: The horse went lame. Lady Edith: Is there anything else? Miss O'Brien: There is something that's been troubling me. Do you remember the Turkish gentleman, Mr Pamuk, the one who died all of a sudden like? Lady Edith: Of course I remember. Miss O'Brien: Well, it's Daisy, my lady...the kitchen maid. Only, she's been talking recently as if she had ideas about Mr Pamuk's death. Lady Edith: What sort of ideas? Miss O'Brien: Well, I've no proof, and maybe I'm wrong, but I've a sense she knows something but won't say what. Something involving Lady Mary. Lady Edith: Well, how absurd. Well, what could she know? Miss O'Brien: Whatever it is, she won't say. Not to us, anyway. Lady Edith: Have you spoken to Lady Mary about this? Miss O'Brien: I didn't like to, milady. It seemed impertinent somehow, but I thought someone in the family ought to know about it. Lady Edith: Quite right. Bring the girl to my room...tomorrow after breakfast. Lady Mary: What did she want? Lady Edith: Nothing. Just a message from Mama to say that Sybil had turned up alive. Lady Mary: Poor darling. She had to walk for miles. I don't think I'd have got down however lame the horse. Lady Edith: No. I don't believe you would. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - MORNING] Daisy: I couldn't say, milady. I don't know what Miss O'Brien means. I didn't see nothing...not much. Lady Edith: O'Brien, I wonder if you might leave us. [O'Brien leaves.] Lady Edith: Now, it's Daisy, isn't it? Daisy: Yes, milady. Lady Edith: I'm sure you see O'Brien only acted as she did because she is concerned. Daisy: I suppose so, milady. Lady Edith: She seems to think that you are in possession of some knowledge that is uncomfortable for you. Because, if that is the case, then I don't think it fair on you. Why should you be burdened with Mary's secret? Oh, my dear, my heart goes out to you, it really does. Oh, there, there. You've been carrying too heavy a burden for too long. Just tell me and I promise you'll feel better. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. VILLAGE HALL - DAY] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You seem well prepared. Cora, Countess of Grantham: We'll add a few more flowers before we open in the morning, but I think we're nearly there. Isobel Crawley: Do look at Mr Molesley's display. He's worked so hard. Matthew Crawley: Rather marvellous, aren't they? Lady Mary: Lovely. Well done, Mr Molesley. Mr William Molesley: Thank you, milady. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I think everyone is to be congratulated. Splendid. Isobel Crawley: But do look at these roses. Have you ever seen the like? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: My dear Mrs Crawley believes I'm profiting from an unfair advantage. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mm. She feels, in the past, I've been given the cup merely as a matter of routine rather than merit. Matthew Crawley: That's rather ungallant, Mother. I'm sure when we see Cousin Violet's roses, it'll be hard to think they could be bettered. Isobel Crawley: Hard, but not impossible. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You are quite wonderful the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming as you. Isobel Crawley: I take that as a compliment. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I must've said it wrong. [Violet chuckles.] Lady Mary: Poor Granny, she's not used to being challenged. Matthew Crawley: Nor is Mother. I think we should let them settle it between them. Lady Mary: So, are you interested in flowers? Matthew Crawley: I'm interested in the village. In fact, I'm on my way to inspect the cottages. Lady Mary: You know what all work and no play did for Jack. Matthew Crawley: You think I'm a dull boy anyway, don't you? I play, too. I'm coming up for dinner tonight. I suspect I'm there to balance the numbers. Is it in aid of anything? Lady Mary: Not that I know of. Just a couple of dreary neighbours, that's all. Matthew Crawley: Maybe I'll shine by comparison. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mary, we're going. Lady Mary: Maybe you will. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Mr Carson: Might I have a word? I want to say something before I ring the gong. I'm afraid it's not very pleasant. His Lordship is missing a very valuable snuff box. It appears to have been taken from the case in his room. If one of you knows anything about this, will he or she please come to me? Your words will be heard in the strictest confidence. Thank you. Miss O'Brien: I am sorry, Mr Bates. What an unpleasant thing to have happened. Anna: Why are you picking on him? Thomas: Because he's the only one of us who goes in there. But don't worry, I'm sure it'll turn up. Mr Bates: Thank you for your concern. [The dinner gong rings.] Mr Bates: I hate this kind of thing. I hope to God they find it. Better get a move on. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Someone knocks on the door.] Lady Mary: I'm coming. [Cora enters.] Lady Mary: Does this broach work? I can't decide. Cora, Countess of Grantham: It's charming. Lady Mary: Oh, dear, is it another scolding? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course not. You're too grown up to scold these days. Lady Mary: Heavens, then it's really serious. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'd like you to look after Sir Anthony Strallan tonight. He's a nice, decent man. His position may not be quite like Papa's, but it would still make you a force for good in the county. Lady Mary: Mama, not again. How many times am I to be ordered to marry the man sitting next to me at dinner? Cora, Countess of Grantham: As many times as it takes. Lady Mary: I turned down Matthew Crawley, is it likely I'd marry Strallan when I wouldn't marry him? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm glad you've come to think more highly of Cousin Matthew. Lady Mary: That's not the point. Cora, Countess of Grantham: No. The point is, when you refused Matthew, you were the daughter of an earl with an unsullied reputation. Now you are damaged goods. Lady Mary: Mama. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Somehow, I don't know how, there's a rumour in London that you are not virtuous. Lady Mary: What? Does Papa know about this? Cora, Countess of Grantham: He knows it and he dismisses it because, unlike you and me, he does not know that it is true. Let's hope it's just unkind gossip. Because if anyone heard about... Lady Mary: Kemal? My lover. Kemal Pamuk. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Exactly. If it gets around and you're not already married, every door in London will be slammed in your face. Lady Mary: Mama, the world is changing. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Not that much. And not fast enough for you. Lady Mary: I know you mean to help. I know you love me. But I also know what I'm capable of, and forty years of boredom and duty just isn't possible for me. I'm sorry. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I do love you. And I want to help. Lady Mary: I'm a lost cause, Mama. Leave me to manage my own affairs. Why not concentrate on Edith? She needs all the help she can get. Cora, Countess of Grantham: You mustn't be unkind to Edith. She has fewer advantages than you. Lady Mary: Fewer? She has none at all. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] Mrs Patmore: Open the oven. Anna: What's happened? Mrs Patmore: It's that bloomin' Daisy! I said she'd be the death of me, now my words come true! Daisy: I didn't do nothing! Anna: Come and sit down. [A cat starts to eat the chicken and Gwen rushes forward.] Gwen: Get away! Get back to the stables! [Gwen shoos the cat away.] Gwen: Well, what will you serve now? Mrs Patmore: Them, of course, I haven't got anything else. Anna: Daisy, give us a hand. Get that cloth. What's the matter with that? Daisy: Are you sure? Shouldn't we tell? Mrs Patmore: Certainly not! Thomas: Is the remove ready to go up? Anna: Here we are. Daisy, give him a hand with the vegetables. They're up in the serve room in the warmer. Gwen: I'm glad I don't have to eat them. Mrs Patmore: What they eye can't see, the heart won't grieve over. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Sir Anthony Strallan: Mm, there's no doubt about it. The next few years in farming are going to be about mechanisation. That's the test, and we're going to have to meet it. Don't you agree, Lady Mary? Lady Mary: Yes, of course, Sir Anthony. I'm sure I do. (aside) Are we ever going to be allowed to turn? Lady Edith: Sir Anthony, it must be so hard to meet the challenge of the future and yet be fair to your employees. Sir Anthony Strallan: That is the point precisely. We can't fight progress, but we must find ways to soften the blow. Lady Edith: I should love to see one of the new harvesters, if you would ever let me. We don't have one here. Sir Anthony Strallan: I should be delighted. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] William: I hope they find that snuff box. What happens if they don't? Thomas: They'll organise a search, won't they? I wouldn't be Mr Bates. Not for all the tea in china. Anna: Wouldn't you, Thomas? I daresay he feels just the same about you. What's the matter with you? Miss O'Brien: Nothing. Mrs Patmore: Oh, just a minute. I don't like to put it on earlier. It sinks in and spoils the effect. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Sir Anthony Strallan: Lady Grantham. Lady Mary: Mama has released me, thank God. Matthew Crawley: Sir Anthony seems nice enough. Lady Mary: If you want to talk farming and foxes by the hour. Matthew Crawley: I'm rather looking forward to the flower show tomorrow. Lady Mary: Mm. Where Mr Molesley's roses will turn everybody's heads. But if you tell Granny I said so, I'll denounce you as a liar. Matthew Crawley: I wouldn't dare. I'll leave that to my fearless mother. [They chuckle.] Lady Mary: How were the cottages? Matthew Crawley: They're coming on wonderfully. I'd love to show you. Sir Anthony Strallan: Obviously it's an act of faith at this stage. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Hm, yes. Sir Anthony Strallan: Oh, Go--God! Robert, Earl of Grantham: What on earth? Sir Anthony Strallan: I do apologise, Lady Grantham, but I had a mouthful of salt. Cora, Countess of Grantham: What? [Cora tastes the dessert.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Everyone, put down your forks. Carson, remove this. Bring fruit. Bring cheese. Bring anything to take this taste away. Sir Anthony, I am so sorry. [Matthew and Mary giggle behind their napkins.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Fains I be Mrs Patmore's kitchen maid when the news gets out. Lady Sybil: Poor girl. We ought to send in a rescue party. Lady Edith: You must think us very disorganised. Sir Anthony Strallan: Not at all. These things happen. [Mary and Matthew continue chuckling.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Patmore sobs.] Anna: Hey, come on. It's not that bad. Nobody's died. Mrs Patmore: I don't understand it. It must've been that Daisy. She's muddled everything up before. Daisy: But I never-- Mr Carson: Don't worry, Daisy, you're not in the line of fire here. Mrs Patmore: I know that pudding. I chose it 'cause I knew it. Mrs Hughes: Which is why you wouldn't let Her Ladyship have the pudding she wanted because you didn't know it. Mrs Patmore: Exactly. I don't see how it happened. Mr Bates: Come on, everyone. Let's give Mrs Patmore some room to breathe. You, too. Anna: I don't think I should leave her. Mr Bates: Yes, you should. Mr Carson knows what he's doing. Mrs Patmore: Oh, don't do that. Get William or the hall boy to do it, it's beneath your dignity. Mr Carson: It won't kill me. Now, all in your own good time. I think you've got something to tell me, haven't you? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING] Anna: I think I know where that snuff box is. Mr Bates: Where? Anna: Hidden in your room. Mr Bates: You don't think- Anna: 'Course I don't, silly beggar. Mr Bates: Then-- Anna: I bet Thomas'd like it if they took you for a thief. Mr Bates: Yes, I expect he would. Anna: Go upstairs now and find it. And when you have, you can choose whether to put it in Thomas's room or give it to me, and I'll slip it into Miss O'Brien's. Mr Bates: You naughty girl. Anna: "Fight fire with fire," that's what my mum says. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Lady Sybil: Poor Mrs Patmore. Do you think you should go down and see her? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Tomorrow. She needs time to recover her nerves. I knew there was something going on. Lady Edith: It seems hard that poor Sir Anthony had to pay the price. Lady Mary: Good God! [They burst out laughing.] Lady Edith: As for you giggling like a ridiculous schoolgirl with Cousin Matthew...it was pathetic. Lady Mary: Oh, poor Edith. I'm sorry Cousin Matthew's proved a disappointment to you. Lady Edith: Who says he has. Lady Mary: Matthew? He told me. Oh, sorry, wasn't I supposed to know? Cora, Countess of Grantham: You were very helpful, Edith, looking after Sir Anthony. You saved the day. Lady Edith: I enjoyed it. We seem to have a lot to talk about. Lady Mary: Spare me your boasting, please. Lady Edith: Now who's jealous? Lady Mary: Jealous? Do you think I couldn't have that old booby if I wanted him? Lady Edith: Even you can't take every prize. Lady Mary: Is that a challenge? Lady Edith: If you like. Lady Mary: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] Mrs Patmore: I could almost manage. For a long time knowing the kitchen and where everything was kept, even with that fool girl. Mr Carson: I think you might owe Daisy an apology. Mrs Patmore: Maybe. I had a lot to put up with, I can tell you. Mr Carson: And you've not been to a doctor? Mrs Patmore: I don't need a doctor to tell me I--I'm going blind. A blind cook, Mr Carson. What a joke. Whoever heard of such a thing? A blind cook. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The men exit the dining room.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I hope our salty pudding didn't spoil the evening for you. Matthew Crawley: On the contrary. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm glad you and Mary are getting along. There's no reason you can't be friends. Matthew Crawley: No reason at all. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I don't suppose there's any chance that you could sort of...start again? Matthew Crawley: Life is full of surprises. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Lady Mary: Ah, I've been waiting for you. I found a book over here and I think it's just the thing to catch your interest. Matthew Crawley: Oh, really? Sir Anthony Strallan: I'm intrigued. What is it to be? Lady Mary: Well, I was looking in the library and... Lady Edith: I was very taken by what you were saying over dinner about-- Sir Anthony Strallan: You're right, Lady Mary. How clever you are. This is exactly what we have to be aware of. Lady Sybil: Everyone in London is wearing them. Lady Mary: There's a section just here that I was rather unsure about. I wonder if you could tell me... Lady Edith: It seems we've both been thrown over for a bigger prize. Matthew Crawley: Heavens, is that the time? Lady Edith: You're not going? Matthew Crawley: The truth is, my head's splitting. I don't want to spoil the party, so I'll slip away. Would you make my excuses to your parents? [Matthew leaves.] Lady Mary: Excuse me, Sir Anthony. [Mary goes after Matthew.] Lady Mary: Has Mr Crawley left? William: Yes, milady. Lady Mary: But what about the car? Branson can't have brought it 'round so quickly. William: Well, he said he'd rather walk, milady. Lady Mary: Thank you. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mary can be such a child. Cora, Countess of Grantham: What do you mean, darling? Robert, Earl of Grantham: She thinks, if you put a toy down, it will still be sitting there when you want to play with it again. Cora, Countess of Grantham: What are you talking about? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Never mind. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Anna: Mr Carson? We were wondering about that snuff box. Has it turned up yet? Mr Carson: I'm afraid not. Mr Bates: Well, I think we should have a search. Thomas: What? Mr Bates: Doesn't do to leave these things too long. Anna: Mr Carson can search the men's rooms, Mrs Hughes the women's. And it should be right away, now we've talked of it so no one has a chance to hide the box. Don't you agree, Mr Carson? Mr Carson: Well, perhaps it's for the best. Although, I'm sure I won't find anything. I'll fetch Mrs Hughes. Thomas: I think I'll just, erm... Miss O'Brien: I better check it's time. [O'Brien and Thomas rush out.] Thomas: The bstrd's hidden it in my room or yours. Miss O'Brien: Why did I ever listen to you in the first place? Mrs Hughes: Miss O'Brien? My, my, you have been busy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - EVENING] Isobel Crawley: I was expecting you later than this. I'll tell Molesley to lock up. Matthew Crawley: Thanks. Goodnight, Mother. Isobel Crawley: How was your evening? Did you enjoy yourself? Matthew Crawley: Quite. The thing is, just for a moment, I thought... Never mind what I thought. I was wrong. Goodnight. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. VILLAGE HALL - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: My Word, Molesley, splendid roses, as usual. Well done. Mr William Molesley: Thank you, Your Lordship. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: All stalls are set out very well this year. Cora, Countess of Grantham: This is enchanting. Do we grow this? Mr William Molesley: I doubt if you got that one, Your Ladyship. I've only just found it myself. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is it a secret, or could you tell Mr Brocket? Mr William Molesley: I'd be glad to, milady. Cora, Countess of Grantham: He should come and see the rose garden. He could give us some ideas. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Old Molesley's a champion. Or he would be in a fairer world. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Don't you start. Isobel Crawley: I'm afraid I've been annoying Cousin Violet on that score. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: If Molesley deserves first prize for his flowers, the judges will give it to him. Robert, Earl of Grantham: They wouldn't dare. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Really, Robert, you make me so annoyed. Isn't it possible I should win the thing on merit? Robert, Earl of Grantham: I think the appropriate answer to that, Mama, is, "Yes, dear." [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY] Daisy: It's nice to get the afternoon off. Miss O'Brien: I don't know why we're bothering. We'll have missed the speeches as it is. Thomas: Don't be such a grouch. Miss O'Brien: I'll grouch if I want to. Anna: You should've punished one of them at least. Mr Bates: They know that I know. That's worth something. Anna: What do you think will happen to Mrs Patmore? Mr Bates: She'll muddle through with Daisy for help. In the long term, we'll just have to wait for the doctor to give his opinion. Anna: I hope there's something they can do. Mr Bates: I hope so, too. But if there isn't, I hope they tell her there isn't. Nothing is harder to live with than false hope. Anna: I wish you'd just come out with it. Mr Bates: With what? Anna: Whatever it is you're keeping secret. Mr Bates: I can't. Anna: You don't deny it, then? Mr Bates: No, I don't deny it. And I don't deny you've a right to ask. But I can't. I'm not a free man. Anna: Are you trying to tell me that you're married? Mr Bates: I have been married, yes, but that's not all of it. Anna: Because...because I love you, Mr Bates. I know it's not ladylike to say it, but I'm not a lady, and I don't pretend to be. Mr Bates: You are a lady to me. And I never knew a finer one. [A cart drives up.] STRANGER 3 If you want a lift, I can take one of you, but not more. Mr Bates: One of the women. Anna: No, you must go. Then we can all hurry and meet you there. Mr Bates: Yes, all right. Mustn't slow you down. There's been too much of that already. [Bates gets in the cart.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. VILLAGE HALL - DAY] Lady Sybil: Have you recovered from our ordeal? Gwen: Well, I got a letter this morning. They must've written it as soon as I left the office. They are pleased to have met me, but I do not quite fit their requirements. So, it was all for nothing. Lady Sybil: I don't agree. Gwen: Only a fool doesn't know when they've been beaten. Lady Sybil: Then I'm a fool for I'm a long way from being beaten yet. [Applause.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: And now, for the first three... Lady Mary: When you ran off last night, I hope you hadn't thought me rude. Matthew Crawley: Certainly not, I monopolised you at dinner, I had no right to any more of your time. Lady Mary: You see, Edith and I had this sort of bet- Matthew Crawley: Oh, please, don't apologise. I had a lovely evening, I'm glad we're on speaking terms. Now, I should look after my mother. Lady Edith: Why was Cousin Matthew in such a hurry to get away? Lady Mary: Don't be stupid. Lady Edith: I suppose you didn't want him when he wanted you, and now it's the other way around. You have to admit, it's quite funny. Lady Mary: I'll admit that if I ever wanted to attract a man, I'd stay clear of those clothes and that hat. Lady Edith: You think yourself so superior, don't you? Lady Mary: Ugh. Lady Edith: And I think she who laughs last laughs longest. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Did that missing box of yours ever turn up? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, It was a fuss about nothing. They must've put it back on the wrong shelf when they were dusting. Bates found it this morning. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Next time, have a proper look before you start complaining. I'm sure the servants were frightened half to death. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mia culpa. [Applause.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: And now the Grantham Cup for the best bloom in the village. And the Grantham Cup is awarded to... [Violet reads her own name on the judges' paper.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mr William Molesley...for his Comtesse Cabarrus rose. Isobel Crawley: Bravo! Well done! Bravo! Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Congratulations, Mr Molesley. Mr William Molesley: Thank you, milady. Thank you for letting me have it. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: It's the judges who decide these things, not me. But very well done. Isobel Crawley: Congratulations, so well deserved. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Bravo, Mama. That must've been a real sacrifice. Cora, Countess of Grantham: And bravely born. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I don't know what everyone's on about. Cora, Countess of Grantham: But I... Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: All is well, my dear. All is well. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith writes a letter just before bed. It is addressed to His Excellency the Turkish Ambassador, 43 Belgrave Square, London, SW.]	Plan: A: August 1913; Q: When did Bates discover that Thomas is stealing wine from the cellar? A: Bates; Q: Who discovers that Thomas is stealing wine from the cellar? A: his plans; Q: What is thwarted when Thomas attempts to frame Bates for stealing one of Lord Grantham's antique snuffboxes? A: Anna; Q: Who tells Mr Bates that she loves him but he says they cannot be together? A: rumours; Q: What is circulating about Lady Mary and the "handsome Turk"? A: Daisy; Q: Who finds it difficult to contain what she witnessed? A: Miss O'Brien; Q: Who urged Daisy to tell her story to Lady Edith? A: the Turkish ambassador; Q: Who did Lady Edith write to about Daisy's story? A: Isobel; Q: Who questions Violet's winning at the flower show? A: Violet; Q: Who is upset that Isobel supports Molesley's father's arrangements? A: Molesley's father's arrangements; Q: What does Isobel support at the annual flower show? A: Violet's dismay; Q: What did Violet think of Isobel's support of Molesley's father? Summary: August 1913. Bates discovers that Thomas is stealing wine from the cellar. Worried that he will be reported, Thomas attempts to frame Bates for stealing one of Lord Grantham's antique snuffboxes, but his plans are thwarted. Anna tells Mr Bates that she loves him but he says they cannot be together. Meanwhile, rumours begin circulating about Lady Mary and the "handsome Turk". Daisy finds increasingly difficult to contain what she witnessed, and after some cajoling from Miss O'Brien, she tells her story to Lady Edith, who writes to the Turkish ambassador. At the annual flower show, Isobel questions Violet's continually winning and instead supports Molesley's father's arrangements, much to Violet's dismay.
THE TIME MEDDLER DENNIS SPOONER 6:55pm - 7:20pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI looks pensively over the DOCTOR'S clock. The DOCTOR himself quietly operates the controls. There is an awkward silence in the ship. VICKI sighs.) VICKI: I shall miss them, Doctor. DOCTOR: Who? VICKI: Ian and Barbara. (She crosses over to the DOCTOR who seems equally pensive.) DOCTOR: Yes, I shall miss them too. First Susan and now them. Hmm. (He taps her on the arm and starts to walk over to a chair.) DOCTOR: Come over here, my dear, I'd like to talk to you. VICKI: What about the control panel? DOCTOR: Oh, that's all right, my dear. It's already set. (The DOCTOR sits down on the chair. VICKI kneels down at his feet.) DOCTOR: Their decision certainly surprised me, although it shouldn't, I know. But it was quite obvious they intended to take the first opportunity of going back home. VICKI: Well, they weren't getting any younger, were they? DOCTOR: It's lucky for you child, they're not here to hear you say that! Good gracious me! You think they're old? What do you think of me? Hmm? VICKI: You're different, Doctor. Anyway we may land in their time one day and be able to talk over old times. DOCTOR: Well, perhaps Vicki, perhaps. VICKI: Anyway, it's done now. DOCTOR: Hmm. (VICKI gets to her feet and walks a few feet away.) VICKI: I wonder where the TARDIS will take us next? DOCTOR: Yes, it's done now, although I must admit I'm left with a small worry. VICKI: (Not listening.) You know, I wouldn't mind New York. I didn't get to see a lot of it, what with the Daleks and everything. DOCTOR: Hmm. VICKI: But what I saw from the top of the Empire State Building, I wouldn't mind going back there. (The DOCTOR gets up and turns her round.) DOCTOR: My dear Vicki, I'm trying to talk to you. VICKI: Oh, sorry. DOCTOR: I just wanted to ask you, are you sure you didn't want to go home too? Hmm? I didn't give you very much time to consider now, did I? I should hate to think that you're just staying for the sake of an old man. VICKI: (Tuts.) Oh, Doctor! I made my decision - I wanted to stay. DOCTOR: (He smiles and puts his arm round her.) Mmm. VICKI: Anyway, I wouldn't have anything to go back to. DOCTOR: Yes, your father... (There is a sudden clattering noise from behind the closed doors to the living quarters...) VICKI: Did you hear that? DOCTOR: Yes, perhaps it's something...fallen down, or...maybe we've changed course. Hmm? (VICKI nods, but then there is another quiet knock.) VICKI: (Whispers.) There's someone in the living quarters! (The DOCTOR signals to her to be quiet. He walks over to one side of the still closed doors, waving to VICKI to stand behind him.) VICKI: Doctor, be careful! It's obviously a Dalek! (The DOCTOR takes off his coat and holds it up to throw over whoever is in there. VICKI takes off a shoe ready to use it as a weapon. He leans forward slightly and the doors swing open. VICKI gasps. A ragged bearded figure staggers out of the living quarters and falls to the ground...) VICKI: Steven! [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. BEACH (Waves crash onto a rocky shoreline. At the base of a cliff, on a beach, the TARDIS materialises. On the cliff-top stands a cowled figure - a MONK. He is a little man with a comical yet guileful face. He stares down at the top of the police box and its flashing light. He shows no immediate surprise - only a slight puzzled frown appears on his face. He bends down on one knee and scratches his chin...) MONK: I wonder? Oh, I wonder!? [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (STEVEN is sat in the chair drinking back a glass of water. Vastly refreshed, he sighs.) STEVEN: Thanks. (He passes the glass back to the DOCTOR.) Sorry about that, Doc. VICKI: We thought you were dead. STEVEN: Well, I nearly was. I just managed to climb down that cable before it burned out. Then I came after you. VICKI: You should have shouted. STEVEN: Should have! I never stopped! (He looks at his surroundings.) STEVEN: Say, this is quite a ship you've got here, Doc. Never seen anything like it. (He tries to stand but his leg gives way.) DOCTOR: Now listen to me young man, sit down. (He and VICKI help him back into the chair.) DOCTOR: Now, there are two things you can do. One, sit there until you get your breath back and, Two, don't call me "Doc"! Now, do I make myself clear? STEVEN: Yes, yes, whatever you say, Doc... (Quickly correcting himself.) ...tor! DOCTOR: Apart from that young man, I'm quite willing to accept you at your face value. (He walks away. VICKI, holding STEVEN'S "Hi-fi" panda mascot, smiles after him, then turns back to STEVEN.) VICKI: You were lucky to find the TARDIS in all that jungle. STEVEN: (STEVEN takes "Hi-fi" off her and smiles at it.) Yeah, we were lucky. You know, I don't seem to remember much about it. There was a door. I went through it. I must have flaked out. I remember registering that, well, it didn't look like a ship. It was very small. Huh, I must have been delirious. VICKI: I don't suppose you were. It is very small outside. It's just in here it's big. STEVEN: (Starting to laugh.) Oh, come off it! Ha ha! VICKI: (Smiling.) You don't believe me, do you? STEVEN: (Sarcastically.) Oh, of course I do, Vicki! Every word! VICKI: This isn't an ordinary ship, you know. This is a time machine. STEVEN: (Incredulous.) Time...! Look, this ship may have a way out design but time machines? That's ridiculous. (VICKI crosses over to the DOCTOR who is back at the console.) VICKI: Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? VICKI: He says the TARDIS isn't a time machine. DOCTOR: Oh, does he now? VICKI: Tell him. DOCTOR: Hmm. I don't see why I should, my child. He'll learn soon enough. (STEVEN walks over and joins them.) STEVEN: Look, Doctor, I've seen some spaceships in my time, admittedly nothing like this, but...well, (Pointing at a control.) what does this do? DOCTOR: That is the dematerialising control and that, (Pointing.) over yonder, is the horizontal hold. (Points several more times.) Up there is the scanner, those are the doors, that is a chair with a panda on it - sheer poetry, dear boy! Now please stop bothering me! (He pats STEVEN on the arm. STEVEN crosses to a laughing VICKI.) STEVEN: Look, you gave this ship a name just now, what was it? VICKI: TARDIS, T...A...R...D...I...S. (She counts the words off using her fingers.) It stands for "Time And...Relative Dimensions In Space". STEVEN: (Thinks then...) IDBI. VICKI: What? IDBI? STEVEN: Hmm. (He also counts the words off his fingers.) I...D...B...I. VICKI: Yes? STEVEN: It means "I Don't Believe It"! VICKI: You'll see, you'll see. (The DOCTOR clicks some final controls into place.) DOCTOR: Vicki? VICKI: Yes? DOCTOR: I've checked up on all the readings. Now I think our guest will need a wash and brush up. So I think the best thing for you to do is go and find him some clothes and a cloak. Bring mine as well. We'll show him whether this is a time machine or not, hmm? (He laughs.) VICKI: Where are we? DOCTOR: Well, judging by the readings, my child, I think we've landed on the planet Earth. (The grin on STEVEN'S face disappears...) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (Outside a small Saxon hut, a fair-haired peasant woman, EDITH, lays some logs on a fire and places a large pot on it. She is stirring the contents when she hears a noise in the surrounding woods. She stands up straight and looks carefully around her. A gaunt dark-haired bearded male peasant, ELDRED, walks through the trees and into the settlement.) ELDRED: Wulnoth with you? EDITH: Inside. (ELDRED walks over to the hut but before he can enter, a larger peasant man, WULNOTH, comes out. EDITH joins them.) ELDRED: Something's landed on the beach. I saw it from the cliff. WULNOTH: What is it? ELDRED: A...large box, washed ashore by the tide, probably from a ship. I didn't go down, I came for you. WULNOTH: What sort of box? ELDRED: I don't know. It's just very big. I've never seen anything like it before. (EDITH looks at WULNOTH who looks at the sky.) WULNOTH: The tide will be turning. We must hurry. (He picks up a large stick.) WULNOTH: You lead the way. (The two men run off. EDITH shouts after them...) EDITH: It's a long way to the beach and back. What about your meal? [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. BEACH (Seagulls cry and hover over the beach. The DOCTOR, wearing a cloak, holds a Viking helmet in his hands. VICKI stands next to him also wearing a cloak.) DOCTOR: Where did you say you found this, Vicki? VICKI: (Pointing.) Just down there. I saw it as soon as I came out of the ship. (Behind them, STEVEN, clean-shaven and decked out in new clothes and a cloak, looks over the exterior of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Yes, it's a bit rusted but, er, not as old as that. Tenth...Eleventh century? Hmm? (He looks round.) England! Hmm, hmm. (He crosses to STEVEN and passes him the helmet.) DOCTOR: Well, there you are, young man. What do you think of that now, eh, a Viking helmet. STEVEN: (Doubtfully.) Oh, maybe. DOCTOR: What do you mean "maybe"? What do you think it is - a space helmet for a cow?! STEVEN: Look, it could just as easily be...part of a costume, you know, a toy left here by a child. DOCTOR: Oh, rubbish, rubbish! STEVEN: No more so than your theory. Though your ship is, to say the least, a little unusual. DOCTOR: Oh, I see, so you've changed your idea's now. STEVEN: If it is a time machine, I'm not saying it is, mind you, but if it is, shouldn't you know where we are? You know, your control panel? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, but unfortunately, we have a slight technical hitch at the moment. Excuse me. (He walks away. VICKI looks after him and then explains to STEVEN.) VICKI: As a matter of fact, we never know where we're going to land. STEVEN: Oh, so assuming I believe what you tell me, you can't take me home. VICKI: Not by any direct route. (They cross over to the DOCTOR who stands on one side of a large rock, throwing pebbles.) VICKI: Let's go exploring now, hmm? DOCTOR: Yes, perhaps we should find a village...whereby we can c...convince this young upstart of the true facts. STEVEN: Oh, great Doctor! I'm all for that. But there is one thing that bothers me... DOCTOR: Oh, yeh...what is it now? STEVEN: Well, how come you chose such an unusual design for your ship? A Police telephone box - is that right? (The DOCTOR pushes pebbles over the top of the rock. On the other side of it, the MONK crouches down listening to their conversation.) DOCTOR: The design is completely immaterial, young man. The TARDIS is required to land and blend in with its surroundings. (The MONK smiles slightly.) STEVEN: Blend in? DOCTOR: Yes, quite so. For instance, If we were to land in the middle of, er, the Indian mutiny, well, I'm sure the ship would take on the appearance of, er, a Howdah. (The MONK suddenly starts and looks puzzled at this...) STEVEN: How-what? DOCTOR: A Howdah! A carrier on the back of an Elephant. Hmm! STEVEN: Oh, I see! Oh, and, and if it landed on the pebbles... DOCTOR: On the what? STEVEN: If it landed on the beach against the cliffs, it'd take on the appearance of a large rock? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes, but you do keep on don't you! Hmm! (He walks off again. STEVEN turns to VICKI.) STEVEN: Do you wonder why I don't believe you? You know that large rock over there looks exactly like a Police telephone box. VICKI: (Indignant.) That is merely another technical hitch and the Doctor will repair it one day. (STEVEN smiles.) VICKI: Anyway, if we're going to do any exploring, we should do it now 'cos it's going to get dark in a minute. (They walk back to the DOCTOR who is outside the TARDIS. The MONK, still crouched down behind the rock listens carefully.) DOCTOR: Now I suggest we take a walk along the beach and try and find a spot where the cliffs run down to sea level. STEVEN: Yeah, but that could be miles. It'd be much quicker to go up here. DOCTOR: Yes, so possibly it might, but I'm not a Mountain Goat and I prefer to it any day, and I hate climbing! (He starts to set off.) VICKI: We'll go with you, Doctor... DOCTOR: No, you won't, you'll stay with the ship and wait 'til I've got to the top then you can both climb up and join me. VICKI: But, Doctor, you might get... DOCTOR: I'm not going to argue, my child... STEVEN: Yes, but... (He walks off.) STEVEN: Oh, heck... VICKI: You might try being a bit more tactful in future... STEVEN: Don't you start as well, come on, let's go on... VICKI: No, I think we should stay here and wait for him like the Doctor said. STEVEN: Why? We've gotta go up there sooner or later. It might as well be sooner. (Points.) We can walk along the top and meet... (Looks over another part of the cliff.) Hey, that bit there looks climbable, come on. VICKI: I'm not... VICKI AND STEVEN: (Together.) ...very good on heights! STEVEN: Oh, come on, you'll be all right. (The MONK cautiously rises from behind the rock, then runs over to hide behind the TARDIS. He looks round to check that the travellers really have gone, then steps out and examines the outside of the ship, seeing if he can find a way in. He listens at the door, nods and smiles. He pulls back the habit from his arm, as if about to check the time. But there is nothing on his wrist...he panics and looks round him...the waves continue to crash on the shoreline...) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (EVENING) (As the sky starts to get darker, a figure enters the settlement. It is the DOCTOR. He walks past the fire and up to the door of the hut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. HUT (EVENING) (Entering through the cloth door, he picks up several objects from within the mean hut including a dead fox and a long bow which he tries for its strength. He hears the cries of animals outside and exits.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (EVENING) (He looks round but fails to see an approaching figure who uses a forked stick to hold him by the neck to the walls of the hut...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. MONASTERY (EVENING) (With the cries of animals and birds echoing through the air, the MONK walks up to a collection of stone, wattled and thatched buildings...some of them in ruins - the monastery. He looks round himself and smiles. He extracts a key from his cloak and opens a small wooden door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALLWAY (EVENING) (Inside, the monastery is in ruins with slight overgrowth hanging off some of the walls. Still smiling, the little MONK locks the door using a large wooden bolt and then walks off into the interior...) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. MONASTERY (EVENING) (A bright light suddenly...perhaps too suddenly...appears in one of the windows. The speed with which it appears and its luminance indicates something more powerful than candles. Almost at the same moment, the sonorous chanting of monks begins...) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAYS (EVENING) (But inside the monastery, the narrow hallways and passageways seem deserted and derelict...) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. CLIFFTOP. (EVENING) (The sea crashes onto the base of the cliffs. The beach is now covered by the water. WULNOTH and ELDRED crawl to the edge of the cliff and look over. The darkened clouds swirl above them.) ELDRED: Yes, it was on the beach, below us here! WULNOTH: Are you certain? ELDRED: Yes, positive. I remember the way the rocks look. WULNOTH: Pity, it might have been valuable. ELDRED: It would have been crushed against the rocks by now, whatever it was. (They look further over the edge but the waves are all there is...) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. HUT (EVENING) (EDITH pours a drink into a horned cup. She leaves the hut with it...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (EVENING) (The faint chanting of the monks can be heard in the night air. EDITH crosses to the DOCTOR who is sat before the fire. She passes him the horn.) DOCTOR: Oh, what's this? EDITH: Mead. DOCTOR: Mead? Oh Mead! (Laughs.) Yes, of course, yes. Yes, how nice of you, yes. Delightful, thank you, thank you. Well, here's to your very good, er, health. (He raises the horned cup in salute takes a drink.) DOCTOR: Oh, delightful. Mmm! Oh! (He takes another drink which he finds too strong.) Mmm! Oh yes! Delightful! (Laughs.) (EDITH, rubbing a piece of cloth, laughs gently as the DOCTOR pats his chest.) DOCTOR: Er, tell me, erm ,erm, is the, er, monastery near here? EDITH: No, it's not far from here. (Points.) It's just at the top of the hill. And when the winds in the right direction, you can hear the monks much clearer, as though they're down in the village. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, quite understandable you know, er, sounds do play funny tricks at times. EDITH: (Embarrassed.) I, erm... DOCTOR: Mmm? EDITH: I hope you will forgive a woman's harsh welcome? We do fear strangers but we're very happy to welcome a traveller. Not that we see many in this wild place. I'm sure that when my husband returns, he'll insist that you stay the night. And then you can rejoin your friends in the morning. DOCTOR: Well, that's very kind, very kind indeed. And I do hope they won't worry me, er, worry about me too much. You know, I, er, I hadn't intended to walk quite so far. You, er, er, near the coast, Mmm? EDITH: Yes... DOCTOR: Mmm (Laughs.) EDITH: While there are fish in the sea, one need never starve. DOCTOR: Yes...yes! (Laughs and takes another sip.) EDITH: Course, there are bad things, too. DOCTOR: Oh, of course, of course, my dear, the, er, Vikings, for example? EDITH: Not that we've seen much of them, this year. Except for that one raid that was beaten off just north of here. DOCTOR: Yes, I had heard about that battle, yes, yes. The, the King, er, greatly improved the position, er, no end... EDITH: The King? Harold Godwinson? We'll receive no help from him. (The DOCTOR thinks about this information concerning the identity of the time they have landed in.) DOCTOR: You know, er, it seems like yesterday that the, er, good King Edward...was laid to rest, er, er, er, when, when, when was it? EDITH: (Thinking back.) It was the beginning of the year... DOCTOR: Oh, of course! Yes, yes, yes, the beginning of the year, yes, yes, yes. How silly. (He holds up the horned cup.) Yes, that's most refreshing. Hmm.. EDITH: Oh, I'll get you more! DOCTOR: (Laughs.) Oh, thank you! Yes, thank you, my dear. (She goes back into the hut. The DOCTOR gets to his feet and talks to himself.) DOCTOR: Now, if Harold is King, and Edward was laid to rest at the beginning of the year, then it must be 1066! (Laughs.) Yes, ha, ha! Judging by the appearance of these leaves, late summer. Mmm! (EDITH comes back out of the hut behind him.) DOCTOR: And a balmy night, a balmy night! Hmm, hmm! (EDITH passes him another cup of wine.) DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, my dear. Thank you, thank you. (He is about to take a sip but stops to ask...) DOCTOR: Er, you know, it's a bit stupid of me but, er, we are in Northumbria, hmm? EDITH: (Suspicious.) Yes, of course, we are. Why do you ask? DOCTOR: Oh, nothing, nothing, I...I...just that I wasn't sure whether I'd crossed the border or not. Yes, it's a bit, er, tedious of me, isn't it, yes. (He pats her shoulder.) But you must have patience with an old man. EDITH: (Her suspicions disappear.) Oh, please, sit down and rest before the fire. You must be tired after your journey. (She turns back to the hut.) EDITH: Ah, forgive me, I...I have things to do before Wulnoth returns. DOCTOR: I will, I will and thank you indeed. Thank you. (She re-enters the hut.) DOCTOR: Yes, it's a great pity that Barbara isn't here. Now if my memory of English history serves me right, we're about to have a...Viking invasion and very soon. Now let me think, er, Harold came north to defeat Hardrada, the Norwegian King. Yes that was before he faced William the Conqueror at Hastings! Hmm hmm! It's all very interesting! Yes, that's very, very, very, very interesting. Hmm hmm! It's going to put that young man in his place. (Laughs.) (He stands before the fire. The chants of the monks still sounds across the night air. He frowns and then throws the remainder of the Mead away. He sits down before the fire and prods the flames with a stick. Suddenly, the chants of the monks slow down...as if a mechanical recording needed winding up. The DOCTOR instantly rises to his feet and joins his hands together. The chants start to speed up again.) DOCTOR: (Harshly.) Woman! Woman! Where are you? Hmm? (EDITH runs out of the hut.) EDITH: Mmm? What? What is it? DOCTOR: The monastery. Where is it did you say? EDITH: Well, er, er, the top of the hill. Why? What's the matter? DOCTOR: Er, er, the monks, er, er, have they been here long? EDITH: No, the monastery itself's been deserted for years and years and then, several weeks ago, a few monks must have moved back in. DOCTOR: Er and you haven't seen them? Er, er, no one in the village has? EDITH: One's been seen but never spoken to. (She suddenly realises the importance of his question and again grows suspicious.) EDITH: (To herself.) How does he know that? DOCTOR: Oh, you've been very kind, er, a great help, yes! I'm sorry, but I...I must take your, my leave of you. EDITH: Are you going to the monastery? DOCTOR: I most certainly am! (Laughs.) (He waves and walks away...leaving a very suspicious woman behind him...) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. FOREST (EVENING) (STEVEN walks quickly through the darkened forest, followed by a weary VICKI.) STEVEN: Look, are you coming? VICKI: Can't we rest for a minute? STEVEN: We just did! VICKI: Oh! Well I'm tired. Oh! (She sits on the ground.) STEVEN: Oh well, we'll wait a little while. But we're lost. We can't stay here all night. (Suddenly, there is the crack of a broken branch being stepped on. VICKI jumps up.) VICKI: Shh! STEVEN: What's the matter? VICKI: I think somebody's coming... (STEVEN turns quickly and looks through the bushes.) STEVEN: We...why are we hiding? We can ask him the way. VICKI: No! Because I think we should follow him until we find out whether it's safe or not. STEVEN: Oh! (STEVEN, ignores her and goes to step forward. VICKI pulls him back.) VICKI: Supposing you do what I say for once? (They watch as a barefooted SAXON HUNTER, carrying a dead rabbit, steps into a clearing. He sees something on the leafy ground and stoops down to pick it up. He holds the object up to the light.) VICKI: He's found something. STEVEN: What is it? VICKI: I can't see. STEVEN: You dropped something? (STEVEN steps impetuously into the clearing.) STEVEN: Hey! You! (The SAXON HUNTER makes a run for it.) STEVEN: Hey! Come back! VICKI: Steven! (STEVEN pushes the man to the ground and pinions him down.) VICKI: Steven, I... (The SAXON HUNTER struggles...) VICKI: Leave him alone! Stop it! Stop it! Steven! (The man manages to push STEVEN over, punches him once, then runs past VICKI and into the night. VICKI follows a few paces then runs back to a dazed STEVEN.) VICKI: You all right, hmm? STEVEN: Yes, I think so. I got it. VICKI: What was it? (STEVEN holds up a wristwatch in front of an amazed VICKI.) STEVEN: You still say this is "tenth" century England? [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. NIGHT SKY (The clouds cover the moon as night falls...) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. MONASTERY (NIGHT) (The light still shines brightly in the window as the DOCTOR approaches the door. The chants of the monks continue. The DOCTOR tries the door but it is locked tight.) DOCTOR: Hmm! Hmm. (The DOCTOR steps back...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALLWAY (NIGHT) (A cowled hand pulls back the bolt...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. MONASTERY (NIGHT) (The door opens as the DOCTOR stares silently at it. He hesitates but then enters the building.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALLWAY (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR moves round the edge of the door and onwards...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. MONASTERY (NIGHT) (The bright light in the window goes out...as quickly as it was lit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. MONASTERY. HALLWAYS (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR explores the deserted and decaying hallways. The chants continue.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MONASTERY. ALCOVE (NIGHT) (Eventually he comes to a small passage. He enters it and comes to a curtained off side-room. He pulls the curtain to one side. Inside is an early twentieth century gramophone playing the chants. He laughs to himself and takes the needle off the record. As he lets the curtain fall, a wooden portcullis falls across the end of the passage, trapping him inside. He runs to the portcullis, staring into the main hallway. The MONK, carrying a flaming torch, walks up to him from the other side of the barrier. He starts to laugh in the face of the imprisoned DOCTOR...)	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is Steven Taylor's new companion? A: Saxon Northumbria; Q: Where do The Doctor, Vicki, and Steven Taylor arrive in 1066? A: the Viking and Norman invasions; Q: What is happening in Saxon Northumbria? A: British; Q: What country's history is 1066 a pivotal moment in? A: Monk; Q: What is the name of the mysterious person who is at work in the nearby monastery? Summary: The Doctor, Vicki, and new companion Steven Taylor arrive in Saxon Northumbria on the eve of the Viking and Norman invasions. It is 1066, a pivotal moment in British history. The hand of a mysterious Monk is at work in the nearby monastery, intending that history takes a different course.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Angel: "You Denver?" Denver: "No other cat but me." Denver: "A vampire wanting to slay a demon in order to help some grubby humans? I just don't get it." Thesulac: "There is an entire hotel here full of tortured souls who could really use your help." Angel: "Take them all." Angel: "I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash! I never can. Never gonna be enough. Now I have Wolfram and Hart dogging me. It's too much!" Holland: "You've been doing stellar work Lindsey. Don't think the Senior Partners haven't noticed." Angel: "Darla had a shot at redemption, but they took it from her." Lilah: "For god's sake, help us." Holland: "People are gonna die." Angel: "I just can't seem to care." Angel closes the doors. Darla bites Holland. A shot of the pile of bodies left in the cellar. Wesley runs up behind the Cop in "The Thin Dead Line." Wesley: "Wait! Officer, wait!" The cop shoots Wesley. Kate: "You learn to live with a lot of things, don't you? This job is making me crazy." Angel: "I know the feeling." We see some dark, deserted corridors littered with trash and hear some strange, low screams. Angel comes around a corner, looking for the source of the sounds. He opens a door, steps into the room and pulls the chain of the light bulb dangling from the ceiling to reveal that the room is stuffed full of goats. Sees a door at the other side of the room. Angel opens the door to see two men preparing to sacrifice the goats. 1.Man: "What's next?" 2.Man reading from a booklet: "Make sure all troths are securely fastened and sacrifices tilted as shown in diagram F-12 to ensure full drainage into sacred offering bowl." 1.Man: "Yes, yes, and?" 2.Man: "Using a clean, diagonal motion slit throat of sacrifice with the pre-blessed ceremonial dagger provided. - I didn't see that in the box." 1.Man: "Look under the packing. Hurry up!" 2.Man digging through box: "It's not in here." Goes to look through another box. 1.Man reaches for the booklet: "Just-just gimme-gimme this..." Angel playing with the dagger: "You know... (The two men spin to face him) I've (chuckles) well, I really couldn't help but notice the goats. - Yeah - a lot of goats. (Saunters closer) Goats - many. Those are goats, guys!" 2.Man: "Hey, that's our pre-blessed... (Angel slams the dagger into the wall and bends it over) ceremonial dagger?" Angel: "So sue me. Or better yet, have your bosses do it. This building is owned by Wolfram and Hart, right?" 1.Man: "What, what do you want?" Angel: "I want to know what they're having you worship." 1.Man: "That's none of your business. Who are you?" Angel smiles: "Me?" Angel flashes across the room and pins the two guys against the wall by their throats. Angel in vamp face: "Well, I'm just the type of guy who hates to see good blood go to waste." 1.Man: "Look, man, we just get paid to do the slaughtering and say the prayer." Angel: "What are you praying to?" 2.Man: "We don't know!" Angel: "How can you not know?" 1.Man: "The ritual - it's, it's all in Latin. They said - we should just - sort of, you know, sound it out." Angel: "They?" 1.Man: "Like you said, Wolfram and Hart." 2.Man: "All we know is that the sacrifice got to be done by midnight or something out there will be real pissed off!" Angel looks from one to the other: "Good." Lets them go and begins to trash the place as the two men flee for the door. Intro Gunn is checking the back of Stephanie's head. Gunn: "I don't see anything." Wesley sitting in a wheelchair next to them: "Not a trace." Cordy to Francine: "When she goes back to school the other kids will never even notice that there was a third eye growing back there. (Pats Stephanie's head) And this should come back in before you know it." Francine: "What?" Cordy: "The hair? The... I meant the hair - that was in- in the back - there... Not the third eye! Because that won't come back. (Aside to Wesley) Right?" Wesley: "No reason it should. (Hands Stephanie a sucker) The curative charm seems to have worked - like a charm, really." Francine: "We can't thank you." Wesley: "Oh, don't give it another thought." Gunn: "It's what we do." Cordy: "Kind of a mission." Francine: "No, I mean, we can't thank you - and we can't pay you either. (Holds up a piece of paper) This bill is ridiculous." Cordy takes it: "What do you mean? We didn't even charge you for the mandrake." Francine: "My husband says it's outrageous." Wesley: "Does he? And just what would your husband consider to be a fair price for the removal of the third eye from the back of your child's head, Mrs. Sharp?" Francine: "Well - nothing. - Steve says that since it's impossible to be bitten by a demon and have a - third eye grow in the back of one's head, that obviously you people are running some sort of scam, and you won't squeeze one red cent out of us. (Grabs her daughter's hand) Come on, Stephanie." Cordy: "Scam? The back of your kid's head was blinking!" Wesley: "No, let her go. Clearly it's easier for the Sharps to cast us as con artists rather than to accept the grim reality that Skilosh spawn nearly hatched full grown out of their child's skull." Gunn: "Gee, wonder why?" Cordy: "Great. So while they're indulging their denial, we have bills to pay!" Gunn: "You know she's right." Gunn goes and grabs his coat. Wesley: "Perhaps, given time, the Sharps will come 'round." Gunn: "Right! Because that's what people do. The come round." Cordy: "Where are you going?" Gunn: "I think I'll see what's happening in the neighborhood. Got a feeling I do more good there than sitting around here with you two." Wesley: "Things'll pick up. They're bound to." Cordy: "Yeah. It's LA. The evil's probably just tied up in traffic or something." Gunn: "Well, you let me know when it get here, right?" The office corridors at Wolfram and Hart are bustling with people. Some elevator doors open and Lilah steps out, walks down the hallway. Lilah: "Lindsey, I've been looking everywhere for you. (Lindsey keeps walking and she falls in beside him) Where're you going?" Lindsey: "Lunch." Lilah: "Lunch? You really think now's the time for lunch?" Lindsey: "You mean lunch time?" Lilah: "The review is in two days." Lindsey: "I'm aware of that." Lilah: "So is everyone else. Look at them. It's like they've had the fear of... well, 'god' would probably be the wrong word." Lindsey: "They're just running scared." Lilah hands Lindsey a manila envelope. Lilah: "They should be. I dug up everything I could find on the last seventy-five year review. It's all in there. Makes the Christmas purge of sixty-eight look like fun old times. Nearly half of mid-management was sacked. And Lindsey, they use actual sacks." Lindsey: "I'll read it, Lilah." Lilah: "You better, because it's not just your ass on the line. It's mine, too. We're supposed to be running this division together, remember?" Lindsey: "Right." Lilah: "I've included some suggestions on how we could plump up our portfolio before Friday." Lindsey: "Look, either we pass the review, or we won't. You really think that a few last minute dark rites and rituals are gonna make a difference now?" Lilah: "Everybody else seems to think so. I heard Henderson actually pulled her firstborn out of company daycare to offer it up to... Brown noser. My mother was right. I should have had children." Lindsey: "We'll stand on our records. It's the only thing we've got." Lilah: "Then we're dead! Do I have to remind you of our collective screw-ups?! Two of which are still out there somewhere. - You haven't heard anything, have you? You would tell me if they contacted you." Lindsey: "He set them on fire, Lilah. Even vampires as strong as Darla and Drusilla need time to recover from something like that." Lilah: "Well, it would be just like them to pop up now!" Lindsey: "I wouldn't worry." Lilah: "Someone's got to! We don't get a second shot at this, Lindsey. Nothing can happen between now and Friday to screw this up." Angel is talking while following Kate around the police office. Angel: "Blood sacrifices, black masses, totems... I don't know what it means, but it's happening all over town. I mean, it could be a raising, but, you know... I - I really don't know. I mean the prayers, the rituals, I think they're too generic for that, you know, boilerplate. They could be preparing the way for something." Kate: "Maybe they're just trying to make it rain. Why is this so important to you?" Angel follows her back to her desk. Angel: "Because it's important to them." Kate: "Oh right! And therefore it must be stopped." Angel: "Kate, look, I need your help. I don't have the resources..." Kate: "My help? You need my help?" Angel: "Yeah. - (Sighs) - At the very least they're butchering animals without a permit. You can get them on that." Kate: "No, I can't. I can't get them on anything, Angel. I'm on desk duty pending a hearing on Friday." Angel: "Hearing?" Kate: "You remember Atkinson? The captain at the two-three? He's blaming me for granting access to some lunatic who broke into his office and beat the ever holy crap out of him. He's filed a formal complaint." Angel: "He was raising zombie cops and setting them loose on the streets." Kate laughs: "And I'm sure once I explain that to Internal Affairs this will all just go away. - And they've just been looking for an excuse... And you know what they say about me. I am a cop. That is all I've ever... I can't take a suspension... I would just..." Angel watches her pace for a moment. Angel quietly: "I'm sorry." Kate: "Are you? (Opens a drawer and pulls out a file) Because they might just want to know about this, too." She drops one picture after another onto the desk. All of the corpses in the wine cellar. Angel: "You had nothing to do with that." Kate: "Didn't I?" Angel: "No." Kate: "Hmm, so it's funny how these dead people were threatened by an intruder at their offices. An intruder I picked up and released on the street three hours before the complainants were found massacred." Angel: "You know who's responsible for that." Kate: "Yeah. But I can't figure out though is why forensics is now telling me that it looks like the suspect or suspects didn't break in. - They had to brake out. - The victims were locked in that wine cellar with their attackers and I think I am done helping you now." Walks off. Lindsey enters his dimly lit apartment. Lindsey: "Sorry I'm late. I would have come home for lunch but - everything's crazy at the office with the review coming up." He sets his attaché case on a chair, holding a bottle in a brown paper bag he goes to sit down on the edge of the sofa. Lindsey: "And I would have called, but I didn't want you to have to get up to answer the phone. How do you feel?" Darla is lying on the sofa wrapped in a light blue afghan, fading burn scars still visible on her face, looking weak. Darla: "Stronger today, I guess." Lindsey: "Good. You're getting stronger everyday." Darla: "Only because you saved me. - I'd still be in that sewer if you hadn't found me. - I don't know how you did." Lindsey: "Drusilla. - She came to me. Remember I told you?" Darla: "She's gone." Lindsey: "Yeah, she'll be back." Darla lifts her head a little: "No. - You're the only one who hasn't abandoned me." Lindsey: "And I never will." Darla strokes the side of his face. Lindsey pulls the bottle out of the bag and hands it to her. Lindsey: "Here." Darla opens the bottle. Darla: "It's cold." Lindsey: "Yeah. It's the only way to keep it fresh." Darla: "Not the only way. (Smells it and smiles) Hmm, at least it's human." Lindsey gets up: "I'm gonna take a shower." Darla: "You always take a shower when you come back from that place. Don't know why. You're never dirty." Lindsey unbuttoning his shirt: "I'm always dirty." Darla rolls her eyes, then as Lindsey closes the door to the bathroom behind him, she pushes the blanket aside and gets up. Stretches. Sets the bottle down and as the shower begins to run she starts to go through Lindsey's briefcase. Finds Lilah's envelope and looks through it while sipping the blood. Angel is walking into Caritas, where the host is talking to the bartender. Host: "Substitute it with something. I don't care. Be creative. I know you can. (To Angel as he sits down next to the host) Can you believe this? Not even ten o'clock and we've already run out of yak's bile." Angel: "We need to talk." Host: "And you should have booked in advance. I don't think we can get you on stage tonight." Angel: "I'm not here to sing." Host: "Oh, is that what we're calling it now?" Angel: "Something's coming." Host: "Really? I thought it was just the complimentary nachos bringing in the morally ambiguous crowd." Angel turns as sees that the place is packed with humans in business attire. Angel: "Lawyers." Host: "Easy, big fella. I know what you're thinking. And the throwing yourself across six tables and twisting their necks off part? Not a good idea." Angel: "You've read them. You've seen it. You know what's coming." Host: "Now, Angel-cakes, you wouldn't appreciate it if I were to blab your personal stuff to every Tom, Dick and vampire that walked in the door, would you?" Angel: "Is it bad?" Host: "Oy. - But I really can't divulge to you what I read in another being. - But I can tell you what I overheard in the men's restroom. It's coming Friday. And it's got all their legal briefs in a twist about it." Angel: "What?" Host: "Well, every seventy-five years your friends over at Wolfram and Hart have this review. I think the general angst isn't so much about the review, but more about the reviewer. And let's just say it ain't Rex Reed." Angel: "What is it?" Host: "It's evil. - It's dark. - It's merciless. - Actually, now that I say it out loud it sounds an awful lot like Rex, doesn't it?" Angel: "Maybe you could just tell me in one word what it is." Host: "Not likely. But I can tell you in two. Senior - Partner." Break Two lawyers are singing a duet of "Reunited" on stage at Caritas. Angel walks over to the table where the host is sitting watching the stage and sits down next to him. Angel: "I need more." Host: "Well, we all need more, darlin'." Angel: "More information." Host: "What you need more of is tether. Because you're about at the end of yours." Angel: "Look, I get how this works. I'm not asking you to rat out their destinies. I don't care about that. But getting to the Senior Partners, that's my destiny." Host: "Is it? Because I haven't actually featured a destiny with you in it lately. It's all kind of murky. - Look, all these messy rites and rituals you've been crashing all over town? They don't mean anything. Nervous children. Trying to score as many brownie points as they can before daddy gets home. I got news. Daddy? Not impressed. Anyhow, stopping them won't prevent 'it' from passing into our world on Friday." Angel: "What is 'it' and how do I stop it?" Host: "I don't know and you don't." Angel: "Can it be killed?" Host: "Most anything that can manifest in order to move in this dimension can be killed. Kinda the down side of being here. That and the so-called 'musicals' of Andrew Lloyd Webber." The host takes a sip from his drink while Angel just keeps staring at him. Host with a sigh: "The band of Blacknil. Don't ask me what it means. I don't know. I shouldn't even be giving you that much." Angel: "Thanks." Host: "Sure." Angel starts to get up, but the host puts a hand on his arm to stop him. Host: "Hey, Home office. I picked it up from half a dozen of them tonight." Angel: "What does it mean?" Host: "Could be the source. Who knows. Now stop pestering me." Angel gets up and starts walks away. Host calls after him: "Oh, and I am picking up one other thing. (Angel turns to look back) They'd really like to see you dead." Angel turns his head to see a bunch of lawyers giving him hostile stares. Angel is searching through his books at the Hyperion. Scratching his head he walks over to the almost empty bookshelf, checks the few books there, dropping them on the ground, then looks around with a sigh. Angel opens the door and walks into the new Angel Investigations office, not bothering to close the door behind him. Wesley: "Good Lord." Cordy: "Angel." Wesley: "May we - help you?" Not even looking at them, Angel walks to the bookshelf behind the desk and starts looking at the books there. Wesley: "Excuse me, that - that area is for employees only!" Angel: "Yeah. You took all the books." Cordy: "Yeah, well, you got the waffle iron." Angel takes a book and starts to leave but Cordy snatches it our of his hand. Cordy: "Hey! No! You can't take this, I-I-I'm in the middle of it. (Puts the book back on the shelf and shoves a phonebook at him) Here, take this one." Angel takes the phonebook, throws it to the side and leans in close to Cordy, who refuses to move our from between him and the bookshelf. Angel: "Don't make me move you." Wesley: "Give him the book, Cordelia." When Cordy only keeps looking at Angel, Wesley pushes himself up out of his wheelchair and to his feet. Wesley: "Just give him the damn thing! Let him get the hell out." Cordy looks over at Wesley, then pushes Angel a step back, turns, takes the book and shoves it at him. Angel takes it and walks towards the door. Cordy: "Here. I don't even know what you are anymore." Angel: "I'm a vampire. Look it up." Angel slams the door closed behind him and Wesley slowly collapses back into his chair. Cordy: "What a jerk." Wesley: "Cordelia..." Cordy: "I mean if it was anybody else I would just say 'get laid already!'" Wesley: "Cordelia..." Cordy pacing: "But - no, not him. One decent boff and he switches to evil psycho vamp. (Huffs) Which, in a way, would be better for everyone. Better for him because he'd get some, and better for us because then we could (makes a staking motion) stake him afterwards." Wesley: "Cordelia, ambulance?" Cordy looks in horror at the spreading stain of blood on Wesley's shirt. Cordy: "Oh my god." LAPD headquarters, day. Man: "If you have anything to offer in your defense, Detective Lockley, anything at all, now would be the time." Kate remains silent. Lieu: "For god's sakes, Kate, say something." Kate: "What am I supposed to say, Lieu? They've dredged out every ugly detail of the last eight months. Spill it out on the table as if nothing had a context and I'm supposed to explain? - I was doing my job." Man: "Actually what it appears you've been doing, detective, is isolating yourself. You've withdrawn from the stabilizing influence of your fellow officers, developed this morbid fascination for cases of a bizarre and macabre nature, and even you can't seem to give an explanation to why. - Now your father, he was a respected veteran of this department. And you were the one that discovered his body after he was murdered, is that right?" Kate: "Yes." Man: "And the case was never solved?" Kate: "No arrests have ever been made." Woman: "That must be very frustrating for you." Kate: "I dealt with it." Woman: "Did you? You took no personal time off after his death. You went right back on the job." Kate: "That is none of your business." Man: "It becomes our business when it affects performance." Woman: "It is very important when you suffer a loss of this nature to take the proper time to grieve. So, we understand. We want you to know, we're not judging you." Kate: "No, you're only firing me." Man: "You stopped being a part of the force a long time ago." Kate: "What am I supposed to do?" Woman: "We will of course make available to you psychological counseling at the city's expense as part of your severance." Kate takes a deep breath and lets it out. Kate: "You people have no idea what's going on in this city." Man: "Is this the part where you start to talk about monsters? (Kate doesn't answer) We'll need your gun and your badge." Kate swallows, takes her gun and badge from her briefcase and closes it. Gets up and goes to lay her gun and badge on the table in front of the man. Lieu watches her. Lieu as Kate slowly walks to the door: "I'm just glad your father's not around to see this." And old man wearing glasses sits in a bookshop watching TV. Angel: "You Denver?" Denver looks up: "I don't believe it." Angel and Denver are looking through books in the back room. Denver: "You know you changed my life that day. I mean, a vampire comes into my place looking to kill a demon to save human beings? I figured if something like that could happen there really must be good in the world." Angel: "Right. So you never heard of that term before 'home office?'" Denver: "Hey, how'd that go anyway? It was a Thesulac, paranoia demon, if I recall." Angel: "Yeah. I don't know. I think he killed everyone." Denver: "Oh. - Well, point is, you tried." Angel: "Actually, I pretty much walked out and let the demon have the place and everyone in it. So we can't be sure where this home office is, but you think this Senior Partner is a Kleynach demon?" Denver stops staring at Angel and looks down at his book. Denver: "Right. Kleynach. A lot of dark entities use the form of a Kleynach to manifest because the Kleynach doesn't have to rely on being conjured or brought forth. They can come and go as they please with that ring." Angel: "Tell me about the ring." Denver points at an illustration. Denver: "The band of Blacknil. Simple thing, plain. You wouldn't give it a second glance in a pawnshop, but it's the source of its power to move between the dimensions, and that's what it'll use to get here... and get back." Angel: "Get back?" Denver: "Well, sure." Angel: "Well, can anyone use this ring?" Denver: "How do you mean?" Angel: "Will it get me back to the home office or where ever it came from?" Denver: "Might... if you're insane! - You realize what this home office probably is?" Angel: "I think I have a pretty good idea." Denver: "Hell! Why the heck do you wanna go to hell? (Angel doesn't answer) You're gonna try and go down there and destroy the whole lot of them, aren't you? Well, that'd certainly make up for the time that... (Angel looks up at him and Denver trails off) Still, not a terrific idea. It's suicide, really." Angel: "Look, will the ring get me there or not?" Denver: "Well, you got to get it first. And to get the ring you've got to kill the Kleynach." Angel: "How?" Denver: "You happen to be looking at the one guy who can tell you how." Angel: "How?!" Denver: "To kill the Kleynach and get the ring you need the glove." Denver goes and takes another book from a shelf. Angel: "Okay, now you're making this up." Denver carrying an open book: "Legend says that the Kleynach rose up from their demon world, raped and pillaged the villages of man and all who fought against them were incinerated, whether they struck with fist or sword. But one brave and worthy knight - he had a glove. (Drops the book in front of Angel, displaying a rendition of the glove) Fashioned and blessed by all the powers of light. And whoever wore this glove could kill the Kleynach just by grabbing it at the throat." Denver walks into another part of his store and comes back carrying a mailed glove. Denver: "Picked up in seventy-five in a yard sale in Covina. Been using it as an oven mitt. Now, I give it to you. No charge. 'cause the truth is you did change my life. And I got a feeling this time things are gonna go..." Denver's eyes suddenly pop open and blood spills from his mouth. Angel looks down to see the tip of a bloody sword protruding from Denver's belly. He reaches out to catch Denver as he begins to fall and someone drives the sword through Denver and into Angel. Darla straightens up behind Denver. Darla: "That's right, Angelus, go towards the bleeding mortal, because that's smart." Angel collapses backwards to the floor and Darla picks up the glove. Darla: "The ring's not about vengeance, Angelus, it's about power. (Kicks Angel in the face) We'll get to the vengeance part soon." With that Darla walks out while Angel pulls his body slowly off the sword. He looks in the direction where Darla just disappeared, then just lies there gasping." Break. [SCENE_BREAK] Wesley is sitting on the sofa in his apartment wearing a bathrobe. Wesley: "And that's the important thing." Virginia: "But you couldn't have done it metaphorically? You know, in with a stern word? You had to do it in the actual I'm-standing-up-now-and-popping-six-stitches way?" Virginia sets a tea tray on the table as she sits down on the sofa and begins to pour them some tea. Virginia: "I guess - before all this happened I never really considered just how dangerous your work was." Wesley: "Well, of course what I do is dangerous. You forgetting how we met? You were strapped to a sacrificial altar while the goddess Yeska was called forth from the nether regions to consume you." Virginia: "But I grew up with all that sort of stuff. Creepy crawlies and scary monsters I can handle. - But guns? Kind of makes it all a little too real, you know?" Wesley: "The gun was fired by a zombie, if it makes you feel any better." Virginia: "You know, strangely, it doesn't." Virginia carefully scoots closer and lays her head on Wesley's chest. Wesley kisses the top of her head and strokes her hair. Virginia: "Does it always seem like it's a battle worth fighting?" Wesley: "Some less than others." Virginia: "Collectively I mean. Most people, they don't even acknowledge the evil, let alone try to fight it. And they don't have to wrap themselves in bandages to keep their insides from falling out." Wesley: "That's true." Virginia: "I don't suppose you'd ever consider - maybe giving it up - for something else?" Wesley: "Could you be with someone who would?" Virginia: "I don't know. - But sometimes I feel like I should be wrapped in bandages - to keep my insides from falling out." Wesley swallows: "This is difficult for you, isn't it?" Virginia: "I just don't like to see you hurt." Wesley: "No. - I mean - I mean breaking up with me." Virginia looks up at Wesley, but doesn't say anything. Kate walks into her apartment carrying a box with the stuff from her desk. Puts the box down, takes off her jacket and pours herself a stiff drink. Sees the shelves holding her trophies and plaques and goes to knock them off while trying to hold back tears. Picks up a photo of her dad and starts to cry. A black car pulls up in front of Wolfram and Hart's office building at night and Lilah and two bodyguards get out. Lilah: "You two stick close." As they near the front doors, Angel jumps out behind the trio and knocks both guards unconscious before they ever even know he's there. Lilah: "Crap! (Kicks one of the unconscious guards) I knew you guys were a waste of money." Angel: "I noticed you're not parking in the underground lot anymore Lilah." Lilah: "It's not safe. What do you want?" Angel: "I want the same thing from you that I took from Lindsey." With that he takes a hold of her right hand. We see Lilah press her right thumb to a scanner in the secure elevator. Voice: "Good evening Miss Morgan. What floor please?" Lilah: "Fifteen. - You know of course you'll lead security where ever you go the moment you step inside." Angel: "I'm counting on it." Angel winces a little in pain and Lilah notices him lifting a hand towards his middle where Darla stabbed him earlier. The phone rings at the new Angel Investigations and Cordy picks it up. Cordy: "Good evening. Angphlel Investigations, we help the helpless, how can we help you?" Wesley on phone: "What in god's name is Angphlel?" Cordy: "Oh, there are just some names I'm not saying at the moment. Well, what is it, Wesley?" Wesley: "It's just... I'm not really feeling that great." Cordy: "Oh, well, your guts opened up." Wesley: "Uh, I'm thinking maybe I'm not coming in tomorrow." Cordy: "No big deal. It's not like they're beating down the door. No, you should stay home, spend time with Virginia." Wesley after a beat: "Yes. - Uh, and you. You should get out yourself. You're young, single. It's a Friday night in the city of... Angphleles? There must be someone you can call." Cordy: "Ah, no, because then I'd actually have to have some friends. I don't." Wesley swallows: "That's not true." Cordy after a beat: "You don't count." Wesley: "Thank you." Cordy: "You know what I mean." Wesley: "Things are gonna get better Cordelia... for all of us. You'll see." Cordy: "I'll call you tomorrow. See how you're feeling." Wesley: "That'd be nice." Cordy: "Good night, Wesley." Hangs up the phone. Wesley: "Night." Cordy is on her way out the door when the phone rings again. Cordy turning back around: "Oh, geez, Wesley. Zippity duh-dah, alright?" Picks up the phone: "Hello?" Francine is twirling her hair with one hand while holding the phone with the other. Francine: "Ms. Chase?" Cordy: "Oh. Mrs. Sharp!" Francine: "We were hoping you were still in the office." Cordy: "The back of your daughter's head is still okay, right? Because, it's not like we offer a money back guarantee. But then, you never paid us, did you? - You do? Right now? - No, that's great! Uhm, you're on my way home, give or take - thirty miles. - Personal check, uhh... normally not, but-but but fine. Uhm, will you give me the address again?" Turns on the desk light and scribbles the address down on the pad lying there. Cordy: "Uh-huh - okay. Great, I'll see you soon." Francine hangs up the phone and turns around to look up at an ugly, white skinned demon. Francine: "Uhm, one of them - is on their way here now." The demon reaches out to stroke Francine's hair and she looks away. The demon puts his other hand on her chin and breaks her neck with a quick snap. Back to Wolfram and Hart. Some robed figures are pacing around a pentagram painted on the floor swinging incense burners. The room is filled with lawyers. Lindsey checks his watch. Reed steps up next to him. Reed: "I don't see your co-vice-president here, Lindsey. It doesn't look good." Lindsey: "Yes, sir." A man comes and whispers something in Reed's ear. Reed: "Well, find it. Deal with it!" The man leaves. Lindsey: "Is there a problem?" Reed: "Someone just let a vampire onto this floor." Lindsey scans the crowded room and sees Lilah coming in with Angel herding her. Lindsey points: "There!" Lilah elbows Angel in the gut and runs off. Angel forces himself after her, still hunched over. Lindsey hurries across the room, pushing people out of his way. Reed: "Security." Security men start moving, listening to their ear pieces. Angel reappears in another part of the room and scans the crowd. Pulls out a bottle of water, and, popping the top off, wades into the crowd. Grabs a hold of the long black hair of a small woman and pulls it off to reveal blonde hair underneath. Throws the water into Darla's face as she turns and vamps out. Angel: "Vampire!" As the crowd mills around them Angel tries to pull the glove off Darla's hand. Darla knocks in the head sending him flying back. Two Security guards tackle her with stakes, but she bats them away and heads for Angel. Lindsey stares at them fighting. Reed sinks to his knees behind one of the robed figures as the air above the pentagram begins to shiver and a red robbed demon materializes. Angel finally gets the glove off Darla's hand and kicks her to the side. Security converges on the downed Darla with stakes while Angel pulls on the glove. Lilah: "Stake the bitch!" Lindsey knocks Lilah across the chin and heads for Darla, knocking the last security guard off her. The red robbed Kleynach turns around and Angel launches himself at it from across the room, grabbing it by the throat with the glove. As soon as the glove touches it, the Kleynach begins to dissolve with a scream, while it and Angel are falling backwards through the window. Lindsey helps Darla up and towards the door. She turns to look at him for a moment, then hurries out. Lilah, the corner of her lip bloody, looks at the broken window. Angel is plummeting the fifteen stories to the ground, and lands, still clutching the robe, in a shower of glass. The ring lands beside him with a metallic clink. Groaning a little Angel grabs it and forces himself to his feet. There is a homeless man sitting on a planter in the background, watching. Angel: "Okay. Home office. (He slides on the ring.) Let's finish this." The ding of an arriving elevator sounds and Angel turns to see the doors of it open on the outside wall of the office building behind him. Break Holland is standing in the open doors of the elevator slowly clapping his hands. Angel walks slowly closer. Holland: "Congratulations. Great victory." Angel: "You're..." Holland: "Holland Manners." Angel: "...not alive." Holland: "Oh, no. I'm quite dead. Unfortunately my contract with Wolfram and Hart extends well beyond that. (Gives Angel a big smile, then motions his head) Hop on in. You certainly earned it." Angel slowly steps in, looking at Holland, who laughs. Holland: "No. Not a ghost here. No, it's just me. Dead me. (Pulls the collar of his shirt aside to show Angel Darla's bite marks, then reaches for the elevator buttons) See? - Home office, wasn't it? I should mention the trip is one way." Angel stands in the elevator looking out, not saying anything. We see a homeless person pushing a loaded down shopping cart across the plaza in front of the elevator. Holland: "Well, if there are no objections, I suggest we get going. It is rather a long ride." Holland pushes the 'down' button. The doors close and we see the elevator descending down the elevator shaft. Angel and Holland are standing side by side in the elevator as the lights from the floors it is passing flash by and typically annoying elevator music plays in the background. Holland: "Well, this is exciting, isn't it? (Smiles) Going straight to the source. - So, what's the big plan, Angel? Destroy the Senior Partners, smash Wolfram and Hart once and for all?" Angel: "Something like that." Holland: "Hm-mm, now tell me just what do you think that would accomplish? In the end, I mean." Angel: "It'll be - the end." Holland: "Well, the end of you, certainly. But I meant in the larger sense." Angel: "In the larger sense I really don't give a crap." Holland: "Now I don't think that's true. - Be honest. - You got the tiniest bit of 'give a crap' left. Otherwise you wouldn't be going on this Kamikaze mission. Now let me see, there was something - in a sacred prophecy, some oblique reference to you. Something you're supposed to prevent. Now what was that?" Angel: "The apocalypse." Holland: "Yes, the apocalypse, of course. - Another one of those. Well, it's true. We do have one scheduled. And I imagine if you were to prevent it you would save a great many people. Well, you should do that then. Absolutely. I wasn't thinking. - Of course all those people you save from that apocalypse would then have the next one to look forward to, but, hey, it's always something, isn't it?" The elevator shaft and cable dissolve as the elevator continues to plummet into a hellish red glow. Angel: "You're not gonna win." Holland: "Well - no. Of course we aren't. We have no intention of doing anything so prosaic as 'winning.'" Holland laughs and for the first time Angel turns his head to glance in Holland's general direction. Angel: "Then why?" Holland: "Hmm? I'm sorry? Why what?" Angel: "Why fight?" Holland: "That's really the question you should be asking yourself, isn't it? See, for us, there is no fight. Which is why winning doesn't enter into it. We - go on - no matter what. Our firm has always been here. In one form or another. The Inquisition. The Khmer Rouge. We were there when the very first cave man clubbed his neighbor. See, we're in the hearts and minds of every single living being. And that - friend - is what's making things so difficult for you. - See, the world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. - It works with us. - It works because of us." And with that the elevator comes to a screeching halt. The doors open and Angel looks out to see a homeless person pushing a loaded shopping cart across the plaza in front of the Wolfram and Hart Office building in LA. Holland: "Welcome to the home office." Angel: "This isn't..." Holland: "Well, you know it is. - You know that better than anyone. Things you've seen. Things you've, well - done. You see, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there (Angel watches as some people in the plaza start yelling at each other) why, they wouldn't be people. - They'd all be angels." The glove drops from Angel's right to land on the floor of the elevator and Angel slowly shuffles out of it. Holland calling after him as the doors close: "Have a nice day." Angel slowly walks the streets of LA, seeing a prostitute and a potential customer having a verbal disagreement, a woman yell at a girl. Kate opens the door to her bathroom cabinet and takes out a bottle of pills. Angel slowly walks down the street passing a homeless man with a brown-bagged bottle under his arm, a young man standing by a lamp post that has a passing resemblance to Gene from "Happy Anniversary." Wesley is lying in the dark on the sofa in his apartment, staring at nothing. Cordy is getting ready to leave the office. Angel enters the Hyperion Hotel just as the answering machine goes off. Cordy's voice: "Hi, you've reached Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless. Leave a message and we'll get right back to you. (beep)." Kate's voice: "You did it, didn't you? You bstrd..." Kate is sitting on the floor of her apartment her head leaning back on the seat of a chair, holding the phone so she can speak into it but with the other end resting on top of her forehead instead of against her ear. There is an empty bottle of booze sitting next to the phone, and the bottle of pills is lying beside it. White pills are spilled out on the floor. Kate: "You made me trust you. - You made me believe. - No, it wasn't you. (Lies back on the floor, knocking over the bottle) It was me, right? I couldn't take the heat..." Angel walks over to where the answering machine is sitting on the counter. Kate's voice: "That's what they're gonna say. Then you're gonna feel all bad - or you won't care. But then, then I won't care either. I won't feel a thing." Leaning on the counter, Angel turns down the volume on the machine, then turns towards the stairs. Angel enters his apartment, stops a few steps in. Angel: "What do you want, Darla? (Holds up the ring and looks over his shoulder) You want this?" Angel drops the ring on the floor and Darla hurries over to pick it up. Before she can, Angel grabs her arm and sends her stumbling towards the wall. Angel: "Or maybe what you really want is this! (Pushes her up against the wall and gently brushes the hair back from her face) That may be - what you really want, isn't it?" Kisses her softly, then, when she doesn't react, a little harder. Darla pushes him away. Darla: "Don't play games with me." Angel: "I'm not playing. I just wanna feel something besides the cold." Pushes her back onto a table, lowers himself on top of her and kisses her again. Darla reaches up and pushes his jacket off his shoulders, kissing him back. Angel strips off his jacket with her help, still kissing her. Suddenly Darla begins to laugh and Angel pulls back the same time she pushes him and gets up. Angel: "Why're you laughing?" Darla continues to laugh, not answering him, and Angel hits her, sending her crashing through the glass doors leading to his bedroom. Angel slowly walks after her as she rolls over and looks up at him. Angel: "Don't you feel the cold?" Angel grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her up. Darla: "What're you doing?" Angel: "It doesn't matter. (Strokes the side of her face) None of it matters." He kisses her again and she responds. They fall back onto the bed and strip off each other's clothes. The camera pans form the curtains in the open window, billowing in the wind of the thunderstorm outside, over some books dropped on the floor, over their discarded clothes and up to the bed. Angel and Darla are lying on the bed asleep, Angel on his back, Darla on her side with her back to him. A loud crack of thunder rings out and Angel suddenly sits up with a gasp. FADE TO BLACK	Plan: A: the whole company; Q: What does Angel want to bring down? A: the law firm's home office; Q: Where is Angel determined to get to? A: the senior partners; Q: What is Angel determined to destroy? A: rock bottom; Q: What does Angel hit when he discovers the senior partners? A: the police force; Q: What job was Kate fired from? Summary: As the Wolfram and Hart 75 year review draws near, Angel sees an opportunity to bring the whole company down. He is determined to get to the law firm's home office and destroy the senior partners. But, what he discovers has him hitting rock bottom. Meanwhile, Kate is fired from the police force, driving her to do something drastic.
CUT TO: Marissa walking away from her locker, Ryan catches up to her Ryan: (running) hi (gets beside her) hey...how are you Marissa: I'm ok Ryan: how's Oliver Marissa: (suprised, but happy) you really wanna know? Ryan: yeah, yeah I do Marissa: he...feels bad, he doesn't understand why he took a bunch'a pills an you an I got into a fight over it, by the way I don't get it either Ryan: right I know, an I know I've ben a little weird about everything but...he's your friend...so he's my friend (Marissa stops & looks at him) I know I'm not sayin I might not get weird about it again but, I wanna try, you wanna hang out with him you want me to its ok its-its better then ok its-its its uh... great Marissa: great? Ryan: (smiles) yeah well greats probably pushing it a little but uh (raises his eyebrows) definitely good Marissa: (smiles) thanks (she kisses him) Mr. Bendis: Ryan, Marissa uh I want you to meet our new transfer student, says you're all friends (Oliver comes out & smiles, Marissa smiles, Ryan just stares disbelievingly at him) Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Still at the Harbor school - Seth and Anna are walking the halls together Anna: oo hey so I was thinking (links arms with Seth) maybe after school we could go play a little bit'a jenga, yeah Seth: nooo Anna: or we could go get some comics, we haven't done that in a while (Seth shakes his head) ok we could go to south coast plaza an quietly mock people Seth: or, why don't we try an do something different (Anna try's to pull her hand away but Seth grabs it) like check it out I got some ideas muscle-car racing Anna: (frowns) what Seth: mm or-or OR we could learn Israeli self defense they call it Krav Maga Anna: (laughs) Seth Seth: Krav Maga (makes movements with his hands) Anna: c'mon Seth: what Anna: why don't we jus got to the IMAX theatre an see the move on migrating birds Anna: Imax Anna, I think we're cooler then that right now, I think we're a little bit passed that why don't we uh take Luke's sea do out for a spin huh, that'd be fun, I'm looking to branch out into different water sports Anna: ok ill support that Seth: good an if not you know we can argue about it Anna: no I think it's good, it's important that we change things up, we don't wanna get all boring Seth: good cause I definitely think that its important for us to not always do the same stuff or y'know dress the same or whatever (they look at what the other is wearing. both have similar clothes, but not identical) damnit Anna: wow, you take Israeli self defense ill take muscle-cars (they high five) Seth: you got yourself a little deal there Anna: partner (Seth sees Marissa & Ryan come into the hall, followed by Oliver. Anna turns around & sees them walking towards them) Anna: hey Seth: hey, Oliver what's up man (does their handshake thing) you visiting Harbor Ryan: actually Oliver goes here now Oliver: never to late for a new start Seth: (looks straight at Ryan) what a suprise (Ryan looks uneasy) Oliver: (to Marissa) so you didn't tell anyone Marissa: (shrugs) well I didn't think you really meant it Oliver: of course, I have more friends here then I did at my last school Anna: anyways I'm gonna go wash up, its tuna melt Monday an we love tuna melt (tickles Seth) Seth: yes we do, I was actually looking forward though to sampling some of the other items on the menu Anna: oh good, that's-that's good that's great (Anna walks off) Seth: bye bye (Seth looks at Ryan, Ryan looks back at Seth an shakes his head) Marissa: so I was thinking of taking Oliver to the book store since we both have free periods now Oliver: yeah Marissa an I have like the exact same schedule, what are the odds Ryan: (skeptical) crazy (Marissa looks at him) have fun Marissa: kay c'mon (Marissa & Oliver both walk off) Seth: later on (Ryan watches them walk away, he looks suspicious of Oliver) Seth: there it is man tuna melts, tuna melts Ryan, what am I gonna have ta give up next Ryan: ok Oliver goes here did you notice that? Seth: yeah I was tryin'a take one more shot at talking about myself but I did notice Ryan: (worked up) an you don't find that completely an totally Seth: embrace the friend, ok, please, I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation Anna: (yells) Seth, c'mon Seth: (softly) I gotta go CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy is in his office, Jimmy comes in while he's on the phone Sandy: an my twelve o'clock, right the sixteen year old with his third DUI (waves one finger to Jimmy) who do I have at six oh the travel agent who falsely advertised the bohemian beach house (Jimmy smiles) what a day alright thanks Corey, bye (hangs up) four years'a Burkley law fifteen years as a public defender so I could become judge Judy Jimmy: I like her, she's tough but fair, I've ben watchin alotta day time TV, what's the big deal what's goin on Sandy: tomorrow we're goin'a lunch Jimmy: you couldn't of told me that on the phone Sandy: at the light house Jimmy: yeah except for the light house is closed, forever (they are now in the kitchen) Sandy: well I got em to open it up again, so we could take a look at it, make sure we wanna buy it Jimmy: (shocked) are you serious Sandy: I sure am (smiles) you can thank me later Jimmy: hoh we were five martinis deep we-we were joking, there was singing involved Sandy: I remember, you alienated several waitresses Jimmy: well that one liked me Sandy: (smiles) you were drunk Jimmy: that's my point, we cannot - open a restaurant, that's crazy Sandy: why, why is that so crazy? Jimmy: because we don't know anything about running a restaurant Sandy: oh c'mon man you managed the light house for two years Jimmy: (correcting) two summers an I was stoned an drunk in college, it was the 80's Sandy: well ya might wanna keep that from the investors Jimmy: restaurants...fail Sandy: not all of em Jimmy: I don't have the capital Sandy: I'm workin on that Jimmy: look it's-it's it's not a good time for me I Sandy: that's exactly my point, look if you don't find somethin soon the next stop for you is Phoenix, the way I look at it you got nothin'a lose an we both have everything to gain, so c'mon, am I gonna see ya tomorrow (Jimmy sighs and shakes his head) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - she and Julie are coming in Kirsten: (rushing) I'm sorry I-I can't do lunch today Julie: well what about tomorrow Kirsten: it's a little hectic right now Julie: well the Fred Segal sale is happening I was thinking maybe a little Nobu, a road trip Kirsten: that's even less likely then lunch Julie: (not giving up) movie? Kirsten: no Julie: coffee? Kirsten: (sighs) Julie I really appreciate your desire to be such good friends, but the thing about good friends is that when they want something, they just ask Julie: the interior design job, I know it's available I want it Kirsten: (nods) ah-huh I-I thought you wanted me to water your plants or baby-sit Caitlyn Julie: right because you don't take me seriously as a working woman as a designer Kirsten: you're not really experienced, qualified Julie: before I had Marissa I was doing lots of design work Kirsten: you had Marissa when you were eighteen Julie: (smiles) I know your usual model home designer fell out at the last minute, I know you have no one (Kirsten looks at her) Caleb pillow talk, he thought the idea was inspired Kirsten: well it-it's definitely thinking outside the box Julie: he told me he's staying out of it though, that its up to you, look one house one shot if I screw up you can fire me yourself its a win win (Kirsten closes her eyes) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer, Anna, Luke and Danny are eating lunch at the tables, Seth comes over with his. they are all laughing hysterically Seth: hi, what's so funny? Summer: (still laughing) Danny he's like the funniest guy ever Seth: yeah? hey man I'm Seth (shakes Danny's hand) good to meet you Danny: (referring to Seth's tuna) oh I see your yellow tails not as fresh as mine, are to taste my albacore (they all laugh, Luke laughs so hard he snorts) Luke: (still laughing) he's like straight out of a Bruce Lee movie (Seth doesn't find it funny, and looks at everyone weird) Danny: (to Seth) hey who took the jelly outta your doughnut (Seth doesn't laugh) somebody call CSI we got ourselves a cold one here huh (everyone laughs again, except Seth) Luke: (laughing) CSI Danny: hey tag that toe (points to Seth) (everyone laughs more, except Seth) Seth: alright well somebody call ER I think Luke's gonna...bust a gut (Seth smiles & the rest stop laughing and look at him, he sits at the table) Luke: (confused) I don't get it Seth: (to Anna) hey it looks like we both got tuna, mines just raw an missing cheese (Seth smiles and again everyone looks at him weird) Summer: (stands) time for class Anna: ok Summer: (laughing) I'm gonna go to the bathroom Danny: hey don't fall in (they all laugh, Luke is laughing so hard he's snorting, Seth sits there looking at them all, not laughing) CUT TO: The student lounge - Ryan is sitting, studying with his books and Oliver comes in Oliver: hey (Ryan looks up) is this seat available? Ryan: ah sure yeah Oliver: (sits & puts his books down) wow whoo I'm so behind already Ryan: (still working) I know the feeling Oliver: does junior year ever get easier Ryan: thought you were a senior Oliver: not a good one an Harbor being as competitive as it is, not all my credits transferred Ryan: but you still wanted to come here Oliver: wasn't up to me, my parents insisted, put the paperwork in a while ago Ryan: why transfer at all, a little over a semester from graduating Oliver: jus wasn't...workin for me at pacific Ryan: because Oliver: because...there was an...incident Ryan: what kinda incident Oliver: ...look I've made some mistakes in my life, I don't think that's a suprise or a secret but if (sits forward) if you could jus give me a chance Ryan jus (Ryan looks at him) let me in like I know people let you in...I could finally start over, that's really all I want (they both look at each other. Marissa comes in) Marissa: hey guys Ryan: hey Oliver: hey Marissa: (sits next to Ryan) oh so Ryan I thought maybe we could go to Oliver's after school Oliver: order in some room service Marissa: (smiles) yeah you wanna come...I was gonna help him with his French (Oliver smiles) Ryan: French? didn't you live in Paris for a couple'a years Oliver: a year when I was thirteen Ryan: oh you need Marissa to help you Oliver: well sweet talkin my way into a club isn't the same as conjugating the infinitive Ryan: right you guys go ahead I told Seth I'd meet him back home (Oliver & Marissa stand up, Oliver offers his hand to Ryan to shake it, Ryan hesitates then stands up and shakes his hand. Marissa smiles, Oliver smiles, Ryan half smiles) Marissa: (to Ryan) you sure you don't wanna come Ryan: yeah, I trust you Marissa: (kisses Ryan on the cheek) you should (Marissa & Oliver walk out. Ryan watches them & Oliver looks back and smiles at Ryan) CUT TO: The Cohen house - Ryan and Seth are playing the playstation in the living room, Sandy and Kirsten are setting the table in the dining room Seth: I don't trust him Sandy: trust who? Seth: Summers new (unsure) boyfriend or whatever, somethin jus sorta seems off about him Kirsten: off how? Seth: I don't know, he's jus not funny (to Ryan) you know who I'm talkin about right, he's big (Ryan sighs) but big isn't necessarily funny, it's cheap Ryan: (worried) he said there was an incident Seth: big funny guy did? Ryan: no Oliver Seth: (rolls his eyes) ugh dude please can we forget Oliver for five seconds an talk about me Ryan: it's the reason he left pacific w-w-what if he's violent Seth: gee new guy shows up violent, angry prone to punching people that'd be really weird Ryan: he needs Marissa to help him with his French, he lived in France Seth: ok your right we should call the cops cause Oliver lost his grasp on the subjunctive Sandy: fajitas are served Seth: (looks) oooo Ryan: (sits forward) nothing adds up an if I try to say anything ta Marissa Seth: mm-mm Ryan: maybe there's somebody I could talk to, try to figure out what happened Seth: yeah ok or you can jus break into the file room an steal his bio ok...or you can be a grown up forget about it an move on ok like I am, to the fajitas (gets up) (Ryan sits there, he looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Ryan riding his bike, its night - he stops out the front of a building and gets off. a security guard is there S.G: hey can I help you Ryan: I-I forgot a book in my locker (shows the guard his school I.D) S.G: (nods) (unlocks the door) alright it's open, make it quick (Ryan goes up the stairs and through the door, the guard shuts the door behind him and stays outside. Ryan is now in the halls he goes to a door that says 'file storage' and opens it. he looks both ways before going in. he shuts the door and turns on a small flash light. he walks around till he finds the right file cabinet. opens the drawer and finds Oliver files. he puts it on top of the drawer. he opens it up and we see a photo of Oliver, on the left hand side there is a letter that has 'CONFIDENTIAL' in big red letters. Ryan starts reading the letter then the guard busts him) S.G: (shines his torch) hey what're you doing (Ryan shuts the file & looks stunned at the guard) CUT TO: Harbor school the next day - Ryan, Sandy and Kirsten are in Dr Kim's office Dr Kim: I don't think I need to explain what a serious offence this is Kirsten: we understand and believe me when I tell you Ryan will be punished Dr Kim: I'm afraid it won't end there, this matter will be presented to the disciplinary committee, suspension even expulsion are not out of the question Sandy: of course the school must do what it deems appropriate but I beg ya to understand that this is very uncharacteristic of Ryan Dr Kim: indeed Mr. Atwood an Harbor seemed like a remarkably good fit, which leads me to wonder (to Ryan) why would you do this Ryan: I jus...I don't trust this kid, Oliver, he seems suspicious and suddenly he's going here now Dr Kim: I assure you Oliver went through the same screening process as any other student here Ryan: he has a history of instability, I was concerned...for Marissa Dr Kim: has he ever made any threats to her, anything to warrant your suspicions Ryan: no but he's ben spending alotta time with her (Dr Kim just looks at him) and um there's this letter in his file Dr Kim: a confidential letter (raises her eyebrows) Ryan: that says they found him - in the men's bathroom at Pacific - having cut his wrists (Sandy & Kirsten look at Ryan) over a girl (to Sandy & Kirsten) she filed a restraining order that's why he left Kirsten: (to Dr Kim) is this true Dr Kim: two years ago, since then he's ben institutionalised an everyone involved in Mr. Trask's rehabilitation believed his best chance was a change in his environment Sandy: and the school was receptive to him, despite his history Dr Kim: Harbor is known to make exceptions for students with troubled backgrounds (Ryan shuts his eyes) but who show extraordinary promise Ryan: I'm sorry Kirsten: we are too Dr Kim: (to Ryan) we will see you at three pm for detention which you will attend every day until the committee reaches its verdict Sandy: (stands) well thankyou Dr Kim (shakes her hand) Kirsten: thankyou (shakes her hand) CUT TO: Anna in the halls, she's waiting for Seth. Seth comes out of a classroom Anna: Seth! (happy) hey! Seth: (smiles) hey Anna: I have a suprise for you Seth: really Anna: (holds up tickets) two tickets to see bright eyes, we've never seen em before so I thought 'd be different, right Seth: Anna bright eyes, really Anna: yes, yes (in the background we hear Summer screaming happily. Summer & Danny walk up together) Danny: Summer you got, right there (points to her skirt) Summer: (looks down) where? Danny: (flicks her in the nose, remember that old joke?) ooooh (Seth rolls his eyes and Summer laughs) Anna: hey Summer: (still laughing) hi guys Seth: hey Summer hi Danny Danny: hey ooh Seth you got a little (points) nasty there Seth: (doesn't look down) ok Danny: no seriously you got-you got a tuna stain or somethin Seth: (not falling for it) well ill be sure an uh get it washed Danny: (not giving up) Seth seriously all kidding aside you've got something there and I think you're gonna wanna clean it up (Seth looks at him, Danny looks at Seth then moves his eyes in the direct he's pointing, does it again and Seth doesn't look down) Anna: Seth... you do have something there Seth: (looks at Anna, then down) what (Danny makes a noise then flicks his finger up which goes in Seth's nose. Anna bursts out laughing, as does Summer) Seth: (fake laughs) you got me, you got me (Danny & Anna high five each other) Summer: (still laughing) god isn't he like the funniest guy ever Anna: yeah Danny: (to Summer as they are walking away) hey you wanna come over later I Tivo'd lenno Summer: uh sure! (Seth & Anna watch them walk away, Danny makes Summer laugh more) Seth: (looking away) ugh god who watches lenno that explains everything Anna: explains what Seth Seth: why this Danny guy is so not funny Anna: he's funny Seth: no he's not funny ok he's big, big is not funny Anna: whatever (holds the tickets) Seth Friday night bright eyes Seth: anyone can be big that's kinda my point right, bein obvious there's no accomplishment (Anna looks at him) in that (Anna looks down) what? Anna: you're jealous Seth: (mouth open) of Danny's comedy, no sweetie (brushes her hair out of her eyes) I'm not Anna: no, of Danny, if you weren't you'd be happy for Summer, you'd embrace the friend (Seth scrunches up his face & Anna walks off, Seth is left in the empty hall way) CUT TO: The light house - Sandy and Jimmy are there Sandy: I love this place, I mean all it needs is a little nip an a tuck Jimmy: (unsure) yeah but are we the right doctors for the job Sandy: (raises his hands) hands of a surgeon, c'mon Coop get excited get involved, we'll blow this wall out we'll make it all one room, y'know big leather booths, keep it dark but not to dark, y'know jus like it was for Bogie & Becall Jimmy: oh o your serious about this aren't you Sandy: yeah n- now whadda ya got Jimmy: well you know they use to have great live music here Sandy: I like it, what cabaret Jimmy: actually jazz Sandy: jazz works that's good Jimmy: (thinks) how bout a raw bar Sandy: o-ok as long as it feels timeless Jimmy: oh yeah it will, Gary Cooper was a big oyster man and a big drinker Sandy: ok ok so no frou frou drinks no-no no umbrellas no fruit wedges, nothin Gary wouldn't approve of Jimmy: only one kind of martini Sandy: thankyou and only the finest scotch, now we're gonna have to have meatloaf on the menu my mother makes the greatest meatloaf an I-I can get the recipe Jimmy: no my mother makes the greatest meatloaf an I have the recipe Sandy: oh Jimmy: there can be two meatloaf's on the menu Sandy: we'll make restaurant history...hello light house, your ship has come in CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Julie has taken it over with her project, and there are people helping her in there Julie: ok now you know where your going for the slate yes uh Brenda Anton has the sea grass mats and Betsy Vontoff is going to do the flowers hydrangeas only people ok (taps her hands twice) we have seventy two hours to make this open house (Kirsten comes in & stops, stunned) I want a full progress report an Po's by the end of the day, lets get it done, go (everyone leaves, walking passed a stunned Kirsten) Julie: oo hey sorry about your office Kiki I needed a base camp for operation model home Kirsten: ok Julie I think maybe a little bit, you've lost your mind this is a disaster Julie: Kirsten if you stopped open heart surgery half way through it would look like murder Kirsten: you have seventy two hours! I gave you a list of the usual vendors Julie: see there's that word 'usual' what I'm doing is, special, it's inspired (points to an ugly statue thing of a frog) Kirsten: you're never gonna get this done in time Julie: well there's a good attitude thanks for puttin that out in the universe Kirsten: all you need for this is open house is a few accent rugs a couch, maybe a potted plant, we're selling a space Julie: well I'm selling a lifestyle, Kirsten the Newport group should be an aspirational brand Kirsten: (confused) aspirational, is that even a word? Julie: look I know it seems ambitious and it'll be expensive but sometimes you gotta spend money ta make money...hey are you hungry, I'm starved (she walks out, Kirsten watches her, not impressed) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is walking down stairs, he stops at the bottom and sees Marissa and Oliver at Marissa's locker. Ryan moves behind the corner out of view and watches Oliver pull a letter out of his pocket & give it to Marissa. the bell goes so Marissa puts the letter in her locker, shuts it & walks off with Oliver. Ryan watches them then goes over to Marissa's locker, he looks at the locker, then looks both ways, he's breathing heavily and you can tell he's contemplating opening it CUT TO: The Cohen kitchen - Sandy and Kirsten are lecturing Ryan on what he did Sandy: why'd ya do it? if they vote to expel you there's nothin we can do you-you will have taken this opportunity an tanked it and wh-why (gets down next to Ryan) are you jealous of this Oliver kid Ryan: no no I'm not jealous (looks at Kirsten, then Sandy) look you guys may not believe me, no one may believe me Sandy: (raises his voice) the first time I met the kid he was in jail, you said he has a medical history your right - ok - he's trouble, now your the one who might be expelled Kirsten: (disappointed/angry) if only you had come to us Ryan: I wanted to deal with it myself Sandy: well done, well done Kirsten: do you know hard we worked- you worked to get inta that school Sandy: you can't help Marissa you can't even help yourself Ryan: (upset) ok I screwed up...yet again (sighs) so now what (softly) are you gonna kick me out? Sandy: you think you can mess up so bad that we'll jus give up on ya (Ryan looks at him) ya cant, you are part of this family now an your gonna feel the full weight of that! your gonna wish we threw you out (Sandy walks out, Ryan looks over at Kirsten who also walks out, and Ryan looks down) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The pool house - Seth is coming in, Ryan is sitting there in the dark. it's very reflective of his mood/how he's feeling right now Seth: (stands at the door) hey man um I couldn't help but over hear, oh well actually I was eaves dropping but their pretty pissed huh Ryan: (softly) yeah well I deserved it Seth: yeah...well good so this is over then now, I mean, lesson learned an all that (Ryan looks at Seth almost pleadingly) Ryan: (gets up) today I saw Oliver give Marissa a letter (turns the lamp on) (sighs) which she put in her locker (Ryan unzips his bag & pulls the letter out) Seth: ...and um...seein Oliver do this inspired you to write a letter of your own (Ryan walks over and holds the letter out to Seth) so this is Oliver's letter (takes it) that Marissa asked you to mail? Ryan: ...I took it from her locker Seth: dude, what is wrong with you! (hands the letter back) ya haven't read it have you? Ryan: no, not yet Seth: not yet not ever, you can't read it ok you have to put it back Ryan: (worried) what if he's after her! he's a sick kid he could hurt her Seth: (puts his finger up) Oliver has not done anything to Marissa except be her friend, ok stop it! you're in enough trouble already, and honestly you're starting...to freak me out a little bit (Ryan looks at him) just will you promise me that you will put it back (Ryan doesn't say anything) will you promise me that you will put it back (Ryan closes his eyes, then nods) Seth: (leaving) put it back Ryan: I will Seth: put it back (leaves) (Ryan walks over to the bed and puts the letter back in his bag, he stands up and closes his eyes, he looks down, bends back down and takes the letter out. he sits on the bed and opens it quickly. he reads it and is breathing heavily and looks worried) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom the next morning - Ryan knocks on the door Seth: come in (Ryan comes in the door) hey man Ryan: (nervous) ok uh I know everything you said last night but I need'a talk to you Seth: you read it? Ryan: (holding it) its worse then I imagined Seth: (closes his eyes) god no, please don't! Ryan: (scared) he says he can't live without her, that he's never met anyone like her Seth: I don't care, I don't wanna hear it ok that letters like the ring an anyone who reads it's gonna die, plus not to mention its also a federal offence! Ryan: ok I'm being serious Seth: so am I! ok that is Marissa's letter that you stole from her locker an read, if she finds out you guys are done! Ryan: ok-ok I get that but Oliver- Seth: Oliver might be crazy ya might be right but you know what, right now your givin him a run for his money (we hear a knock at Seth's door, its Marissa) Marissa: hey Seth is Ryan there Ryan: yeah hey (Ryan puts the letter back in his bag, Seth shakes his head) Marissa: (coming in) (smiles) hey what're you guys doing Seth: uh Ryan was jus waxing my back could you give us a second it sorta stings Marissa: (laughs) yeah sure, I just wanted to know if maybe after school today you wanted to take that cooking lesson with Oliver (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth raises his eyebrows) Ryan: (follows Marissa out) uh I-I cant I'm helping Kirsten move furniture in the new model home (Seth sighs & rolls his eyes) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Julie is crying in there and Kirsten comes in and sees her Kirsten: (concerned) Julie Julie: (sighs) it's a disaster Kirsten: what was all that about open heart surgery Julie: (crying) I lost the patient Kirsten: (sits) what happened Julie: its what didn't happen, no slate no bubbling fountains no sea grass (cries) the hydrangeas are out of season, I have forty eight hours until the open house an we have nothing Kirsten: we can fix this Julie: no we cant Kirsten: way ta put that into the universe Julie...ill call my vendors, it may not be anything special, may not be aspirational Julie: oh god I don't give a rat's ass if Caleb sees that house empty (cries) Kirsten: he won't, but you gotta be ready to work, get your hands dirty Julie: manicures not till Friday (Kirsten smiles & leaves) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Anna are getting drinks Anna: mmm Seth: hi can I have a orange peel smoothie with a splash of pineapple please Anna: ill have the same (Seth shakes his head no) except with some strawberry an banana (Seth nods & mouths 'right. in the background we hear Summer laughing, then we see Summer walking in with Danny who is acting like a pterodactyl. Anna laughs, Seth doesn't) Summer: (laughing) Mr. Parker totally looked like a pterodactyl Seth: (cringes) oh god he does impersonations Anna: (looks at him) Seth Danny: (with a home boy sound) hey why you all up in my kool aid not even knowin the flavour (Summer & Anna laugh) Danny: hey Summer Summer: what Danny: you know who wants a smoothie Summer: who Danny: (holds two fingers out & puts on a cutesy voice) Mr. Jekyll (tickles her) Summer: (laughs & squeals) oh my god Seth: (Anna looks at him) uh Danny hey man what're you doin after school, you wanna maybe come over an hang out at my house, I've tivo'd some lenno Sean William Scotts on Danny: (nods) oh lenno Sean William Scott nice, double the comedy (holds his fist out to Seth) Seth: oh I'm sorry I didn't see (hits Danny's fist with his) CUT TO: Jimmy's house - there is urgent pressing of the doorbell then a knock at the door, Jimmy goes to answer it. it's Sandy Jimmy: hey man Sandy: (smiles) hey Jimmy: I thought you were in court Sandy: nah it was a settlement conference I almost never go to court anymore (excited) so order up some martinis an meatloaf we got ourselves a restaurant (Jimmy looks shocked) oh I-I thought you'd be a little more excited Jimmy: oh I n wh-what'd you do Sandy: I put a down payment on the place, tomorrow we go sign the title Jimmy: (sighs) look I haven't had a chance to come up with my share of the money ok Sandy: oh no I covered it, listen we can work out a get even scheme once we're afloat Jimmy: so what I-I work for you Sandy: oh Jimmy come on man you were one click away from manning the mechanical bull at the new cow boy bar Jimmy: (sits on the stairs) look I jus wanna be able to pull my own weight, you've already done enough for me as it is Sandy: look I'm not doin it jus for you, this could mean freedom for both of us, you could stay in Newport at a job ya like an oh it'd give me a break from all my rich spoilt clients an the office politics, we could work for ourselves Jimmy: (unsure) I-I I don't know Sandy I just I-I think I need a little more time Sandy: how much more time do you need? Jimmy: it's too fast, it's too soon Sandy: ok great-great I got an idea lets wait till we're dead...I gotta go settle (Sandy leaves, Jimmy sits there & closes his eyes) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is in the halls and there is barely anyone around. he goes to Marissa's locker, pulls the letter out of his bag and puts it in his jeans pocket. he does the combination on the lock, then we pan up and see Oliver is standing there Oliver: that is so cool (Ryan looks up) that you know Marissa's combo, shows alotta trust you know Ryan: (smiles) yeah well for emergencies Oliver: (smiles) oh yeah what's the emergency (raises eyebrows) ran out of erasers, no more ink left in your pen Ryan: nah it's a book I forgot Oliver: (laughs) jus kidding around man (Luke comes over to them) Luke: yo (touches Ryan on the back) the last class of the day is so tough to get through Oliver: yeah I know Luke: (to Oliver) wassup (they knock fists) Oliver: wassup...hey uh Marissa an I were talking about putting together a camping trip (shrugs) like Santa Monica mountains, the whole gang Ryan: sure yeah Luke: sounds awesome man Oliver: alright I'll let her know that you are in...well long bathroom break, I should go (laughs) see ya (they watch him leave) Luke: (to Ryan) yeah I do not like that kid at all Ryan: yeah don't you think that um... Luke: he's here for Marissa, hell yeah...you gotta let that guy know back off! i'll do it for you if you want Ryan: uh ill keep that in mind (smiles) Luke: well jus give me the word an I will drop the great Gatsby (smashes his fists together for emphasis) (Ryan watches Luke leave, then looks back in Oliver's direction, worried) CUT TO: The Cohen house - Seth and Danny are in the living room playing the playstation. Seth doesn't look like he's having much fun Danny: did your momma teach ya how to play this game (laughs) you didn't think I'd pack the heat did ya (Seth looks at him) think you could jus get me here huh, home court advantage well guess what, who's got the secret codes...Danny does...guess what buddy (chucks the controller down) you are punked! there's a camera there (points) camera there (points) and a camera right there (points) (Seth looks at him like he's crazy) who's your daddy who's your daddy (makes circle motions with his hand) (Sandy comes in) Sandy: hey kid settlement happened sooner then I thought Seth: hey oh good this is my friend uh uh Danny Sandy: hey how are ya (waves) I'm Sandy Danny: why don't you take a shower Sandy: (not following) pardon me Danny: jus-jus kiddin I-I like ya dirty (whispers) sandy, dirty, sandy, dirty (Sandy looks at Seth & Seth shakes his head. Sandy & Seth are now in the kitchen) Sandy: (whispers) whoa that kid is not funny Seth: thankyou, I know Sandy: he makes Ryan look funny Seth: he makes Marissa look funny Sandy: gentiles, I love your mother more then words (Seth nods) but not funny, get yourself some funnier friends (leaves) (Seth goes back in to Danny) Seth: (puts drink down) there you go Danny: oh thanks man Seth: sure Danny: oh I am so parched (takes a drink) oh dude have you seen my impression of Mr. Parker (begins to do it) Seth: yes pterodactyl I've seen it, its good Danny: (laughs)...hey listen man c-can I can I ask you a favour Seth: sure Danny: whenever your around Summer could you...this is weird but could you-could you try an be a little less funny, man all I ever hear from her is how funny Seth Cohen is how he's the funniest guy she's ever met (Seth is suprised) I mean I like her so much an I'm just I'm killin myself to hang in there Seth: she said that about me, that she thinks I'm the funniest guy ever Danny: yes! you an...some dude named Captain Oats...who the hell is Captain Oats Seth: well chin up Danny because you know what, I think your funny...I jus think an if you don't mind me saying so that you could go a little uh-uh bigger with your comedy I think your sorta small a little under the radar Danny: yeah Seth: yeah bigs hillarious Danny: big Seth: yeah Danny: alright man thanks yeah ill-ill give that a shot Seth: give it a shot Danny: ill give it a (emphasised) SHOT Seth: hey! CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa is in Dr Kim's office Dr Kim: thanks for making time for me after school, I know how busy you are Marissa: of course, what's going on? Dr Kim: why don't you have a seat (Marissa hesitates, then sits down) so I know this is a little outside my job description as dean, I felt I had a responsibility to have an honest conversation with you Marissa: what is it? Dr Kim: I need to talk to you about one of our transfer students with whom I know you have a relationship and who I'm worried might not be so stable Marissa: (smiles) I appreciate it Dr Kim but I'm well aware of Oliver's issues Dr Kim: it's not Oliver I wanna talk about (Marissa frowns) CUT TO: Ryan in detention - he's sitting there tapping his pen and watching the clock. it hits 5pm Teacher: detentions over gentleman, see you tomorrow (Ryan is relieved and packs up his things. he walks out the door and Marissa is waiting for him) Marissa: I thought you were helping Kirsten Ryan: I got detention Marissa: I see that, what for? Ryan: (sighs) I failed this chemistry quiz, slackin off on some homework Marissa: that's a lie Ryan: what're you talkin about? Marissa: I heard about what happened, your break in Ryan: (puts his bag down) I did it to protect you Marissa: what, what're you talking about Ryan: I don't trust him and he has a history of girls he's obsessed with Marissa: he is not obsessed with me, you know ever since he showed up you never trusted him an ok that's who you are but you have'ta trust me Ryan: the kid has serious issue Marissa: who doesn't? Ryan: he's in love with you Marissa: (fed up) we're jus friends Ryan: (looks at her) yeah (pulls the letter out) then what's this Marissa: (takes the letter) where did you get this (Ryan doesn't say anything) you stole it from my locker (Ryan nods) I've ben looking everywhere for this Ryan: so you know what this is, what this says Marissa: (upset) I can't believe you, I can't believe you stole it! you read it! Ryan: I'm sorry but how can you say he's not in love with you Marissa: because he didn't write it to me he wrote it to Natalie, he wants to get back together with her an he jus wanted me to read it first (Ryan is speechless, Marissa starts crying) Ryan: look...I'm sorry Marissa: (softly) I can't do this anymore (Ryan looks at her) ...because now...I don't trust you (walks off) (Ryan watches her leave) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there and Kirsten comes in Kirsten: morning Sandy: morning Kirsten: you ok? Sandy: well...I'm spose to sign the title on the light house today Kirsten: I can't believe your buying a restaurant Sandy: funny that's what Jimmy said jus before he backed out Kirsten: he did Sandy: (nods) I mean I know the whole idea seems crazy but I thought that was part of the appeal Kirsten: well what're you gonna do Sandy: I'm jus gonna have'ta see if I can buy a little time an you know not lose the place Kirsten: well you can always hire Julie as a partner, I think she'll be available, I have to show my father the model home this morning and we had no time to pull it together, I believe he will be under-whelmed Sandy: well the Coopers sure keep things unpredictable huh Kirsten: no I predicted that Julie would be fired (Seth comes in) Sandy: top of the mornin to ya son (Seth waves) did you talk to Ryan last night Seth: uh no he jus came home an went straight to bed (Ryan comes in) Kirsten: hey, do you want something to eat, you missed dinner you must be hungry Ryan: I'm ok, thanks Seth: hey man what times Marissa picking you up cause I was gonna maybe go early with Anna Ryan: Marissa's not pickin me up (they all look at him, then he leaves the kitchen) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Julie is anxiously waiting to hear what Caleb thinks Julie: (pacing) he hasn't called yet Kirsten: I know Julie: is it bad that he hasn't called yet? Kirsten: it doesn't mean anything (in the background we hear 'here you go Mr. Nichol' Julie turns around and Caleb enters) Caleb: hello Julie: hi Cal Kirsten: hey dad Caleb: well I jus got back from the new development Kirsten: look...it was short notice and Julie did the best she could considering Caleb: you're preaching to the converted...I loved it! (Kirsten & Julie are both shocked) the decor was simple, classic just the way I like it allows the architecture an the views to sell themselves Julie: (happy) you're happy Kirsten: (shocked) you're happy Caleb: pleased as punch, our Julie here hit one outta the park on her first swing (laughs) Julie: well what can I say its...it's my true passion (Kirsten rolls her eyes) Caleb: well now your passions your job, Kiki you can stop looking for a new decorator, we've found our girl Kirsten: (shocked) we have Julie: (suprised) we have Caleb: the fact that you two are such close friends jus makes the decision all the easier, it'll be fun you two working together side by side (Julie smiles, Caleb goes to leave but stops) have you lost your mind Kiki that thing is...unsightly (referring to the frog statue from earlier) (Kirsten looks at Julie) Julie: (smiles) well who could have predicted this (Kirsten smiles, not saying anything) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth walks up to Summer who is at the lockers Seth: hey Summer Summer: (sad) hey Cohen Seth: how are ya? Summer: ok Seth: yeah Summer: its jus Danny, I mean he was like really funny right Seth: (nods) yeah Summer: (confused) and now all of a sudden he's gotten like (frowns) big (Seth frowns, Danny is further down the hallway) Danny: (laughing) hey Seth check it out, woohoo (humps a guy from behind as they walk into class, he also waves his arm like a cow boy) Guy: (heard in the background) get off me! (Summer & Seth just stare shocked) Seth: now that's funny Summer: (sighs) yeah, well that's the end of him (sighs) I guess I really will end up...bitter and alone Seth: hey, I'm sorry (rubs her arm) Summer: an I thought he was a good one (laughs) but I guess people can be really... (shrugs) unpredictable, you know (Seth feels bad) (Anna walks up to them) Anna: hey Seth: hey oh (sees that she has the same scarf on as him) Anna: (sees the same) nice scarf Seth: (points) you too Anna: (laughs) so its croque-monsieur Thursday Seth: (nods) yes it is Anna: but I was thinking about having fish sticks Seth: I was gonna have peanut butter an jelly Anna: that's great (takes her scarf off) well I'm gonna jus go wash up, we'll go eat Seth: ok Anna: alright Seth: (pats her on the head) bye bye Anna: (to Summer) bye (Summer waves, not saying anything) Seth: (sighs) well I'm gonna, go Summer: (still sad) yeah well, I have to go ice big funny guy so Seth: well if your ever feelin y'know too bitter an lonely I tivo'd some daily shows, I know John Stuarts no lenno but (smiles) Summer: (smiles) thanks (Seth shrugs it off, then waves and walks away. Summer sighs and watches him go, she begins to walk away then turns back and looks in Seth's direction. she walks away) CUT TO: Ryan walking outside - he stops at the bottom of the stairs, looks up and sees Marissa on the stairs talking to a girl. Marissa looks down and sees him, her smile goes, and she finishes talking to the girl then walks off towards Oliver. they walk off together. Ryan sees and looks hurt CUT TO: The light house - Sandy is there with the owner Owner: my dad died an left me this place, I never thought I'd have'ta sell it...such a magical spot...when I was a kid Sandy: so don't sell it, jus give me a little more time to find a partner Owner: Sandy I got two other offers on the table, I can't wait any longer Sandy: (disappointed) I understand (we hear the sound of a door opening. Jimmy comes in) Jimmy: I'm not to late am I Owner: (looking back) who's this? Sandy: (suprised) it's my partner...I found him... (excited) listen that whole conversation we just had about not wanting to buy the place, forget it (signs the papers) Jimmy: (to Sandy) (unsure) look uh y'know this could fail I mean I y'know I could fail...again I-I pretty much only have a legacy of failure I could be responsible for ruining this place ruining our friendship- Sandy: Jimmy, jus sign it (holds the pen out) Jimmy: (sighs) (signs it) ok CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is in the student lounge playing pool. Ryan hits the ball then moves around the table to reveal Oliver standing behind watching him. he walks over to Ryan. Oliver: so I heard what happened between you an Marissa Ryan: yeah...uh...I'm sorry Oliver: it's ok Ryan: no its not (sighs) I was wrong about you Oliver: (smiles) well I mean did you think that I came here because of Marissa (Ryan puts the cue stick down) what because...I'm in love with her Ryan: yeah no I...it was crazy Oliver: hm (turns to face Ryan) here's the deal, Ryan, an its nothin personal (Ryan looks at him) but Marissa an I we jus connect, she understands me, gets me (raises his eyebrows) an hey I don't know if there's only one person on the planet your spose'ta be with, but when she an I are together (breathes in) it sure feels that way (Ryan is shocked) (laughs) an um I'm sorry but you an Marissa c'mon man your from different worlds! Ryan: (getting angry) (softly) you stay away from her Oliver: ya cant fight fate man (smiles) I mean I didn't even have'ta lift a finger an look what happened to you guys, because your not spose'ta be together, an I'm not sayin you didn't serve your purpose, if it wasn't for you she would'a never gone to therapy (smiles) she never would'a met me Ryan: (angry/worried) I am not gonna let this happen! Oliver: at this point, who's gonna believe you (Ryan glares at him) walk away, you have a chance ta really make somethin of yourself, don't blow it over some chick your not gonna care about in ten years, ok...I really am sorry (Oliver turns to walk away, Ryan stands there angry then he lunges for Oliver. they knock into some chairs and Ryan punches Oliver which makes Oliver fall to the floor, Ryan gets on top of him and punches him twice before 3 guys hold Ryan back. Marissa comes through the door and rushes over to Oliver {its interesting to see the role reversal compared to earlier in the season when Luke was the one doing the punching, and Ryan was who Marissa was concerned for. now its Oliver, poor Ryan} she looks at Ryan. Ryan is thrashing about screaming 'stay away, stay away from her stay away from her'. Oliver freakily smiles at him with his bloodied lip. Ryan is standing there breathing heavily, he looks helpless and worried. Marissa looks at Ryan as if she doesn't know who he is anymore. Ryan stands there helpless - fade out)	Plan: A: Oliver; Q: Which student transfers to Harbor? A: Ryan; Q: Who risks his academic future to expose Oliver? A: Seth; Q: Who becomes jealous of Summer's relationship with Danny? A: his relationship; Q: What does Seth doubt about Anna? A: Jimmy; Q: Who does Sandy go into business with? A: Kirsten; Q: Who is worried about Caleb hiring Julie? A: the company; Q: What does Kirsten worry about when Caleb hires Julie as an interior designer? Summary: Oliver transfers to Harbor, while Ryan risks his academic future to expose him. Seth becomes jealous of Summer's relationship with Danny, forcing him to doubt his relationship with Anna. Meanwhile, Jimmy and Sandy go into business together. Also, Kirsten gets worried about the company when Caleb hires Julie as an interior designer.
Dwight: ....back orders and you never called them. Oscar: Can you believe this? Erin: There's a dog in the car. Oscar: You can't leave a dog in a parked car. [points to "I'd rather be snowboarding" bumper sticker] Snowboarder, it figures. Jim: Do Snowboarders hate animals? Oscar: I bet this guy didn't leave his weed in the car. OK we have to do something because this is incredibly dangerous. Andy: Oscar, it's not that hot out. Darryl: A car parked in the sun is like a toaster oven. Andy: Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight. Kelly: So what, Andy, you wanna just let him die, you scumbag? Kevin: Here, I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog. Dwight: OK, you know what? I'm gonna give him something to drink. Come here, doggy. [Whistling and pouring water from bottle into sunroof of car] Come on. Jim: Dwight! At least aim it. Dwight: There you go! Here doggy! He's not even trying. Come here doggy, come on. Andy: We're losing cloud cover. Kelly: Oh don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick. Darryl: Hey, hey, hey. Vick did his time. Oscar: This guy's been gone long enough. He's lost his right to a window. [Oscar approaches the vehicle with a tire iron] Jim: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oscar: Come on buddy, get back. Dwight: Whoa, Oscar! What are you- What? No, hey! [Oscar busts out back window, group cries out in protest, then cheers] Jim: Alright! Nice job, Oscar! Oscar: And one for good measure! [Busts out taillight, group applauds] Jim: So...ah, who's gonna take the dog? Oscar: Why would we take the dog? Jim: What if he jumps out the window and runs away? Oscar: Jim, he's not gonna star- [Dog lunges for open window and barks] Meredith: Whoa! Oscar: Shh! Shh! Stay there, stay. Dwight: Nein. Sits. [snaps as dog calms] Goot. Jim: Oscar, what do you wanna do, this is kinda your deal. You wanna dog? Oscar: [Oscar pokes holes in cardboard now taped over window] There we go. That should do it. Jim: Yeah, that's pretty good. Dwight: Yeah, that'll work. Kelly: That'll work. Jim: Nice job. Dwight: Bye poochie! Kelly: Bye. [Andy barks] Meredith: Bye! [Kevin's horn honks twice shortly, then one long honk. Shot shows him passed out on his steering wheel.] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: What's that come to? Like, what did they each win? Jim: Oh man, it's gotta be over a hundred thousand dollars. Pam: Awesome. Dwight: Before taxes. Phyllis: That's still a lot of money! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: The warehouse crew won the lottery yesterday. Nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And then they quit!...and no one else can focus. [shot shows warehouse crew going wild in the office] This is it. This is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who has to tell everyone to get back to work, I'm the one who has to tell Darryl to hire a new warehouse crew. I'm the one who has to say those things. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [On phone] Hello?....Justine! [laughs] Nice surprise! How you doin' baby?....Nah. No no, I didn't win. When I got promoted I stop-...what?...Yeah. Yeah, Glenn won....Oh, you wanna call him? Yeah, you should call him, congratulate him. That'll be-...What?....Oh, his number's in your old phone. Oh, you know what? I might have it right- [hangs up] Whoops. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: When I worked in the warehouse, I was part of that lotto pool. They won ... playing my birthday. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: What really interests me is the group dynamic of six people winning the lottery. This will not end well. Right? Phyllis: Yeah. Meredith: We're lookin' at at least one suicide and one weird s*x thing. Oscar: At least. Jim: I mean, I don't even know what I'd do with all that money. Dwight: I know what you'd do with all that money. [imitating Jim] "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug." Jim: No, I'd probably buy a big piece of land in Maine, build a house, work in town. Somewhere I could bike to or kayak to. I'd either bike to my job at the kayak shop or kayak to my job at the bike shop. Pam: And then on the weekends, would you hacky sack back to reality and spend time with your wife and kids? Jim: Whoa. Saucy. I thought you liked Maine? Pam: I think we should get a townhouse in SoHo... Ryan: SoHo's mostly lofts but OK. Pam: And then every morning, I'd walk out on to my terrace and I would breathe in the inspiration of the city. You know? And just gather ideas for my painting... Kelly: Oh, god. Pam: And then my handsome husband... Jim: Which ideally would be me.... Pam: Would bring me a flavored coffee. Jim: Stop. I'm a barista in your fantasy? Pam: Well in your fantasy we're Stephen King characters. Jim: I don't know about Stephen King, I mean... Meredith: [under her breath] get a divorce...get a divorce... [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year....I mean obviously I wouldn't come in till noon and I wouldn't do anything I didn't wanna do. I mean I'm getting paid a dollar a year, OK? You can chill. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Are you kidding me?! Guys if I have to ask you to get back to work one more time, I'm gonna change my tone. [lowers voice] To down here like Mr. T. and this will get seriously annoying. I feel sympathy for the jerks who have to listen to this all day. [normal voice] Darryl, how we doin' on the new warehouse guys? Darryl: I don't know. Andy: What d-? What..what? Wuh, do we have new guys, or what? Darryl: No. Andy: Are they on their way over? Darryl: I haven't hired anyone. Phyllis: What? No warehouse guys? I have an important order that has to go out by five. I emailed you about it. Darryl: I'm not checkin' email till lunch. Four hour work week. Andy: This is kinda time sensitive. Darryl: I got it. I'm doin' it. Phyllis: Andy, this is a seriously big order. I can't lose this client. Andy: Alright, well until we have a new crew, let's get some volunteers for warehouse duty. Who's in? [Erin raises hand] Erin: As long as you guys don't need me up here. Phyllis: No..we don't Dwight: I think we'll be fine. [group murmurs in agreement] Oscar: Really, nobody's gonna help her? Is chivalry dead? Andy: Are you volunteering? Oscar: Of course. I would. But my hip....I would kill to be at a hundred percent. [Angela rolls eyes] Andy: Jim! How 'bout you? Jim: Uh, yeah. I mean, as the strongest person in this office, I guess I should go down with you... Dwight: Hey...OK no. No. That. You are so not...oh god. [grunts] False. Andy, I will volunteer. Andy: Great. And Kevin. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Good old Kevin. He'll do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, thank you. Angela: Sure. Pam: Wait, wait. What's this? [holds up clipboard] Angela: Oh, sorry. I thought it was a guess your baby's birth weight pool. Pam: It says "Lotto Pool", right on top. [points to obvious title] Angela: Yeah. And I said sorry. Pam: Oh come on. You really think I'm gonna have a fourteen pound baby? [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: When did I get so fat? Andy: You look awesome. Darryl: I didn't hire anyone if that's why you're here. Andy: Where are we in the process? Darryl: I have a file of applicants here. I just gotta open it, look at it, interview a bunch of guys,hire some of 'em. So I'd say we're in the early stages of the process. Andy: Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night? Darryl: The guys did invite me out to celebrate but I decided to just stay home. Eat a bunch of tacos in my basement. Andy: You do have a fantastic basement. Darryl: I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement and taco air is heavy. Settles at the lowest point. Andy: Right. Um, well how 'bout we take a look at some applications? ...This guy wrote his in green ink, that's pretty cool. Check it out. [attempts to give Darryl application who ignores him at first but then takes it]Hey! There ya go...there he is. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect probably our Darryl is inside of fat Darryl. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: OK. Three hundred boxes of twenty pound white. That's seventy-five boxes per person, so that's not so bad. Dwight: Negative! Three hundred boxes for me, zero for you chumps. Deal with it! [climbs into forklift] Jim: Nice. [Dwight runs forklift into wall of warehouse] Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oh! Kevin: Damn! [Dwight reverses pulling the wall with him. Erin screams. Dwight leaves forklift and begins lifting boxes by hand.] Dwight: Yup. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl.[no one laughs] What? No Newhart fans? OK...Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off? Darryl: You mean what did we do the last time the warehouse won the lottery? Female Applicant: Your old crew won the lottery? Andy: Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system? Male Applicant 1: Wait, wait. So all the old guys quit? Darryl: Oh yeah. Andy: Well- Darryl: One of 'em, Glenn, is starting one of those fat camps where he steals your kid in the middle of the night. Madge and a couple other guys might start a strip club, but on a boat. And Heday is investing in an energy drink for Asian homosexuals. [Andy laughs awkwardly] Andy: Um, can you guys give us a minute? But stay close, you're all doing great. [group begins leaving] maybe grab a coffee..or if there's any donuts out you can split one. You know they're for everybody so people get fussy....You know what? Just have a donut. [shuts door and sits, gesturing for Darryl to sit next to him. Then gets up to stand near Darryl.] Do you wanna talk about this not winning the lottery thing? Darryl: I don't Andy: You sure? Cause you keep talking about it, so... Darryl: Nope. I'm good. I'm here. Let's find some warehouse workers. Andy: Good. Great. Then can you say things that aren't like a huge bummer to everybody? Cause the more I talk, the more they're gonna realize I don't know what I'm talking about. Darryl: OK. Andy: We need you, OK? Darryl:OK. Andy: OK? Darryl: Yeah. Andy: Alright. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Grunts while lifting box into truck] What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband. [Erin grunts loudly and tosses box toward truck but misses] Erin: I didn't feel anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor. Darryl: Why do you wanna work here? Male Applicant 1: I need a job. Darryl: That's not a good reason. Andy: Good. Keepin' 'em honest. Darryl: Don't just take the first job that comes your way. Cause next thing you know, it's ten years later and you're still there. Could write your obituary tomorrow, it's not gonna change. Andy: Are we scaring them straight....? Darryl: I hope so. Think about this carefully. There's better lives than this one. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I've never been lucky. And I'm not talkin' about the lottery, I'm talkin' 'bout stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything? [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Nice. Right back where I like you. [Pam is sitting at reception covering for Erin] Can you make ten copies of this for me? Pam: No. Ryan: Why not? What are you doing? Pam: Uh, buying lottery tickets online. [Ryan laughs] Ryan: Ah, everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it. Pam: You came in at 10:30 today, right? Ryan: OK, (we'll just dismiss it.)?????? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Is everyone licensed? Male Applicant 2: Like a driver's license? Andy: No. Warehouse license....Masters in warehouse sciences?...I, I feel like Darryl has talked about a license of some kind. Female Applicant: Is this a joke? Andy: No. Not joking. This is real....painfully real, what is happening right now. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [On all fours with a box on his back] OK, I'm not gonna make it. I'm turning back. Jim: There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids. Dwight: Well, they whipped people which was helpful. But you're right. We should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Heday. Jim: Yeah [laughs and then notices camera] Not that they're not smart people. Dwight: [Noticing camera] No, no. Very smart. Uh, theirs is more of a physical intelligence. Jim: I'd go with that. Dwight: Like baboons or elephants. Jim: Not that, don't... Kevin: Guys! When I was a kid, my sisters used to butter me up and slide me across the linoleum floor of the kitchen. Then really made them laugh. Jim: It's a great idea Kev, I don't think it applies here though, so maybe we just- Kevin: Yeah we move stuff and it was fun. Dwight: Kevin! Doesn't apply. Kevin: Right. My mom- Erin: [grabbing Kevin's arm] You need to drop it, OK? They hate it. I like it a lot but they hate it so drop it! [Kevin tears up] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Does anyone get distracted easily by bubble wrap? [raises hand and laughs] You'll be dealing with lots of bubble wrap obviously. Um... Male Applicant 1: How much longer is this gonna take? [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Did you hire 'em? Andy: No. Because they all left. Darryl: What do you mean "they left"? Andy: I mean, after you bailed? I got confused and frankly a little weird and the stuff that you said certainly didn't help. Darryl: Then I think you should fire me. Andy: What are you talking about? I'm not gonna fire you. Darryl: Yeah. Just put me out of my misery. Andy: .....OK, this is weird. I don't, I don't get the joke. Darryl: No? OK. I don't wanna be here anymore. Fire me. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: So Darryl says to me "fire me". But what he really means is "I'm gonna say something really weird, try and figure out what it means." So I say "No, you're not fired." But what I really mean is "I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better."........I really hope that's what he and I mean. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy. Oscar: Bulk or definition? Andy: Definition. Oscar: Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness. Andy: Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong? Oscar: Oh, he's plenty strong. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: It used to be Reggie Winters out at Gold's Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um, but Dean got fixated on his calves and uh, and his triceps went to hell. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: So. I've been thinking, after we win the lottery, we take our winnings.... Jim: Our fake winnings Pam: And we move to the south of France. See? No, there's plenty of bicycling for you. I think that's where they do the Tour de France. Jim: It is, yeah. I mean I just don't know why I'm compromising if it's my fantasy. Cause in my fantasy it's Maine and you love it. Pam: Because I'm never gonna act like that, even in your fantasy. Jim: Nope. You're, you're doing a great job of it in my fantasy right now. [Pam sighs] Dwight: Hey, idiot. What did Erin want again? Jim: A...hot chocolate tea [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce? Gideon: North America...and, diminishing is a little reductive, but uh sure. That's the headline version. Andy: Great....Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse. Gideon: FYI, Wednesday through Friday I have a pretty full teaching schedule. Andy: Eh, cool. We'll figure that out. Nate: Also, FYI, ah, I don't techinically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring uh at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Uh, again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. Um, I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing. Andy: Got it. Dually noted. You! [points to Bruce] Coolest tank top I have ever seen. Where did you get that? Bruce: Made it. Andy: So cool! What a cross-section we have here. That's what I love about interviewing. I get to meet all these people I wouldn't ordinarily meet or know or even talk to. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Message in a Bottle, The Postman... Jim: Kevin Costner. Dwight: Kevin Costner. Jim: Yeah. [Shot shows Kevin and Erin greasing floor of warehouse] Kevin: So I found this grease. And then I remembered that you thought it was a great idea. Erin: You did say it was a great idea. I heard you say it! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So, it's not the dumbest idea. Dwight: It's not the greatest one either... Jim: But, the fact remains we gotta move these boxes. Dwight: And it's clear we're not going to carry them. [Dwight grunts loudly in shot showing them sliding boxes over the greased floor] Jim: So sadly, it's the best idea on the table. Dwight: Exactly. Kevin: I think we're ready to give thi- [Kevin slips on grease and falls] Jim? Jim: Is he OK? Dwight: Yep. He'll be fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Surprise! Your new crew. Darryl: Would you just fire me, man? Andy: Why? Because you didn't win the lottery? How am I supposed to make you happy? Darryl: You wanna make me happy? Huh? Andy: Yeah. Darryl: Give me your job. Andy: Haha, what? Darryl: I'll do it better than you. I earned it. I deserve it. I got passed over, God knows why, reasons I cannot and will not understand. The job was mine Andy, everyone said it was mine. Make me manager or fire me. Andy: I'm not gonna give you my job! It's my job! I earned it! And here's the thing, you weren't even next in line. I asked about you, I saw your file. You have a history of being short with people and you hired Glenn, your buddy! To replace you in the warehouse. He was under qualified. They saw that. Nate: Also, Darryl, FYI, I already told this to Andy, but uh, you should probably know I technically don't have a hearing problem, it's just when there's a lot of noises... Andy: Nate! Please....thank you. You have no business education, you were gonna take classes under D'Angelo, what happened to that? Darryl: He died. Andy: He didn't die, his brain died. And my brain is still very much alive and I'd be happy to give you business classes. How come you haven't asked me about it? Nate: What wa-, what was the last...I'm havin' a- Andy: None, no part of this has anything to do with you. Darryl: I didn't have time because of my daughter. Andy: Oh, but you had time for a softball clinic, and a Mediterranean cooking class. Darryl: Hey I'm not gonna tell you this stuff if you gonna throw it back in my face. Andy: Hey. Here's the thing. Jo saw something in you. She loved you! She gave you a shot and then you stopped pushing. She noticed. [long pause] Darryl: OK. Andy: OK what? Darryl: OK, don't fire me. Andy: Ah, OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: My future's not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's gonna be determined by two big black balls. I control my destiny. I do. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I put some guys on tonight. Best of your bunch and my bunch. Tell you now though, it's gonna be mostly my bunch. Andy: Yeah. [laughs] That makes sense. OK. Good, alright. Kevin: Here... Andy: What is goin' on?! [shot shows greased aisle flanked by rows of boxes] Kevin: Oh hey guys. Darryl: Why is the forklift in the wall? Andy: Why is the truck empty? Dwight: Uh, it's not totally empty. Darryl: Is that grease on my floor? Dwight: OK, I can see why you're angry, you're coming into this cold. But believe me a lot of thought went into this. Darryl: And did your brains tell you to ruin these boxes with grease? Kevin: OK Darryl, listen and then you will understand. The boxes were ruined during our first trial testing so now it's cool cause we found another use for them. Jim: OK, alright, that's...look. All we were trying to do is we thought we could come up with a more efficient way to do things. Darryl: And? Erin: And we did. Dwight: I don't know. Erin: Jim? Tell them what it's called. Jim: That's alright. Kevin: No Jim, tell 'em what a name is. Jim: Doesn't matter what the name is. Señor Loadenstein, that's stupid. Kevin: [laughing] Señor Loadenstein. Tell 'em why it's called that, Jim. Jim: That's OK, we're good. Erin: Jim... Andy: No, Jim. Tell us why it's called Señor Loadenstein. Jim: Porque es muy rapido. Dwight: OK. You know what? It's been a real busy day, what do you say we put all this away. Darryl: Let me see it. Dwight: It's uh, it's in beta testing. Darryl: Let me see it! Dwight: Get the thing, go! Lube it up, Kevin! Start mopping. Dwight, Erin, Jim & Kevin: Uno! Dos! Tres! [Shot shows Jim & Dwight pulling ropes attached to a plank holding Erin in a helmet and boxes of paper down the greased runway, Dwight grunts] [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Yeah, I lost my client. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, The Flenderson Files. Dum bum buh. [whispers] Flenderson files. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: We came to an agreement. We're going to live in a stunning pre-war brownstone at the top of a mountain. Jim: Right. It's city and country combined. Pam: Just a subway stop away are the best museums in the world. Jim: And I can fish right from the window of Pam's pottery studio. And we can chat any time we want. Pam: Just like now. Jim: [laughs] Just like now....too bad the schools are terrible. Pam: Oh.. Jim: But what are you gonna do about that? Pam: What are you gonna do?	Plan: A: The entire warehouse staff quits; Q: What happens to the warehouse staff after Andy wins the lottery? A: the lottery; Q: What did the warehouse staff quit after winning? A: Andy; Q: Who defends California's choice? A: ( Ed Helms; Q: Who plays Andy? A: Darryl Philbin; Q: Who confronts Andy about his jealous feelings? A: Craig Robinson; Q: Who played Darryl Philbin? A: replacements; Q: What do Andy and Darryl have to scramble for? A: John Krasinski; Q: Who plays Jim Halpert? A: Kevin Malone; Q: Who is Brian Baumgartner? A: Erin Hannon; Q: Who is Ellie Kemper's character? A: the warehouse life; Q: What do Jim Halpert, Kevin Malone, and Erin Hannon get a taste of? A: manager; Q: What position was Andy chosen for? A: California's choice; Q: What does Andy defend in his speech? Summary: The entire warehouse staff quits after winning the lottery, leaving Andy ( Ed Helms ) and Darryl Philbin ( Craig Robinson ) to scramble for replacements, while Jim Halpert ( John Krasinski ), Kevin Malone ( Brian Baumgartner ), Erin Hannon ( Ellie Kemper ) get a taste of the warehouse life. Darryl eventually confronts Andy about his jealous feelings that Andy was chosen as manager, and Andy delivers a speech that defends California's choice.

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